revista orsai nro 10
TRANSCRIPT
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EDITORIAL Gracias a ellos
PÁG. 6 / Una siniestra hospitalidad
PÁG. 16 / No tengo blog
PÁG. 20 / La foto pensada
PÁG. 24 / Owen, poeta y soldado
PÁG. 26 / La culpa fue de Johan Cruyff
PÁG. 36 / Volver a la guerra
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PÁG. 40 / La inspiración transpirada
PÁG. 52 / Regreso a casa con tortuga
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PÁG. 57 / Esperando el 11.11.11
PÁG. 67 / La historieta imposible
PÁG. 76 / Jaws (1975)
PÁG. 82 / La casa de Adela
PÁG. 88 / ¿Dónde vas? ¿Dónde estuviste?
PÁG. 100 / El gran surubí""
PÁG. 110 / Cruz Diablo
PÁG. 114 / La laguna
PÁG. 124 / Cientofante
PÁG. 126 / Autores e ilustradores 2012
VARIAS PÁGINAS / Fotos y sobremesas
PÁG. 2 y 131 / Dosis bimestrales
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RELA
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UNA SINIESTRA HOSPITALIDAD
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dio y veneno. Lo que te sana, al mismo tiempo te corrompe”. Enrique Symns
olores anestésicos y un tour infernal por diversos hospitales argentinos.
Por Enrique Symns
Ilustra Poly Bernatene
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La última revista del año —le digo a Chiri—. Pa-rece mentira que ya sean diez números. —Imagináte, cuando empezamos con esto en
el patio de tu casa, si te decían que dos años des-pués íbamos a tener cinco mil fotos de lectores, una al lado de la otra, en la décima revista.
—Son cinco mil quinientas ochenta fotos
lo largo de toda la edición. La de acá al lado es la primera página. Novecientas treinta fotos por página, en un mosaico de treinta por treinta y uno.
—¿Sabés lo que cuesta ponerlas una por una y que dé un número exacto?
—Hay lectoras muy lindas en esta página.—En todas las páginas hay lectoras lindas.
Incluso hay una muy indecente que aparece mos-trando la teta.
—¿En qué página? —pregunta Chiri.—En alguna de las seis páginas. Buscála. La
descubrió Guillermo un día, y no me quiso decir a dónde estaba... Estuve horas buscando. Me sentí un poco Sherlock Holmes y un poco pajero.
—¿El año que viene vamos a poner mujeres desnudas en la revista? Yo creo que ya es hora de convertirnos en un medio serio.
Symns que siga escribiendo para nosotros. Cada vez me gusta más lo que escribe.
—Es increíble el viejo —me dice Chiri—. Cuando cuenta la operación pública, la clase práctica en la que el cirujano lo opera frente a sus alumnos, no se puede creer.
—“Ahora inyectamos la anestesia en el pene —le leo—... Se producirá un orgasmo involuntario y descarga urinaria... Ahora practicamos la incisión.”
—¡Pará! No sigas. ¡Qué impresión que te ope-ren del pito!
—Pero después te queda el pene moishe y eso produce mucho placer.
—¡Ah! Los nombres de los personajes de sus
Goi…—Christian Gustavo: el último no es un per-
sonaje.—¿Cómo que no? —me dice—. Es un gran
personaje. Es más: es uno de los personajes prin-cipales de todas sus historias, aunque no siempre aparece nombrado de la misma manera. ¿Me de-cís en qué página está la lectora indecente?
—No, buscála solo —le digo.
—El otro día escuché un monólogo de Symns en Youtube que en una parte dice: “Frente a mí el Negro Yo acaricia con tristeza su vieja pistola oxi-dada, y a mi lado el Gordo Hitler aprieta entre las piernas los cinco kilos de cocaína que vamos a vender para comprarnos un velero y escaparnos de este lugar, a un lugar en el mundo en donde los hombres no mendiguen bombachas y las mujeres den besos de mescalina”. Hermoso.
—Esos personajes que nombra, ¿existirán de verdad? ¿Cómo será el Gordo Hitler? No me dan muchas ganas de conocerlo.
Los siete locos —me dice Chiri—. Me encantaban los nombres que tenían: El Buscador de Oro, la Coja,
—Y el Hombre que vio a la Partera. ¿Te acor-dás?
—El mejor de todos.—En realidad se llamaba Bromberg y estaba
medio chapa. Le tenía terror a las parteras, desde chico; no se sabe bien por qué.
—Bromberg seguro tenía el pene moishe.—Lo más probable.—Me gustó esa parte en la que Enrique cuen-
ta que el motorhome fue uno de sus mejores ho-gares —me dice Chiri.
—A mí me encantaría vivir en una camioneta grande con una cama adentro y tener todo al al-cance de una mano —le digo—, y poder trasladar-me de un lugar a otro sin que nadie me rompa las pelotas. Como el abogado de la serie Petrocelli.
—No es lo mismo —me dice—. El motorhome
—Cierto. El tipo jamás abandonaba el sueño de la casa propia. Durante toda la serie fue cons-truyendo su hogar, ladrillo a ladrillo, al lado del motorhome. Nunca la terminó —le digo.
—...—¿Estás?—Sí, esperáme un segundo que estoy hacien-
do algo importante.—¿Qué estás haciendo?—Nada, nada. Esperá un cachito.—Estás buscando a la lectora indecente, ¿no?—Boludo, no puedo hacer otra cosa.—¿La encontraste?—No —me dice—. Dame una coordenada,
por favor. Se me están cansando los ojos.—No puedo, querido amigo: esa teta es un cami-no que tenemos que recorrer solos.
SOBREMESA
La lectora indecente
!"#$%&!| SUSCRIPTORES 2012
Por Andreu BuenafuenteLA FOTO PENSADA
UNA CAMA EN UN CENTRO DE ACOGIDA EN YAMUNA, MADAGASCAR. 2011. CANON DIGITAL. (ANDREU BUENAFUENTE)
!"#"$%&'&$#&(')(Andreu Buenafuente abrió un día su página en Wikipedia y vio todo lo
que había hecho en su vida. Le pareció deprimente, porque lo que más le
gusta en el mundo es dormir. Y entonces supo que había fracasado en su
mayor anhelo: el de ser un haragán. Aquí la crónica, de su puño y letra.
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OWEN, SOLDADO Y POETA
MIGUEL REP
LA CULPA FUE DEJOHAN CRUYFF
ENSAY
O
Por Simon Kuper
Desde Ámsterdam
Hace dos años y medio, España y Holanda jugaron el último
partido del Mundial de Fútbol en Sudáfrica. De los vein-
catorce tuvieron una educación futbolística idéntica. Siete
se hicieron hombres en la Masía del Barça; los otros siete
crecieron en el complejo De Toekomst, del Ajax. Esas dos
fábricas de estrellas comparten un fundador y una idea:
“el fútbol se parece más al ajedrez que a la lucha libre”.
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ANDRÉS INIESTA EN EL GOL DEFINITIVO CONTRA HOLANDA
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SIMON KUPER
Simon Kuper (Uganda, 1969). Periodista y escritor bri-tánico. Sus dos pasiones, la economía y el fútbol, lo han llevado a estudiar en Oxford, Harvard o Berlín, y a vivir en Ámsterdam o Jamaica. Escribe para Financial Times y The Guardian. Este ensayo no tenía versión en español.
Traducción: Jorge Trímboli
Fotografías: EFE
FINAL DE LA COPA DEL MUINDO 2010
34!"!!"#$%"&'#()*#+,#&%&,#-,*-,.#/"(".0#$%"#1,#!"#"*(,234'5
Johan Cruyff fue el que no vino a jugar el Mun-dial 78 a la Argentina, ¿no?—El mismo que viste y calza —me dice Chiri.—Creo que no vino porque estaba en contra
de los militares —intento recordar. —No, fue porque unos meses antes del mun-
dial intentaron secuestrarlo en Barcelona: a él y a su familia. Y eso lo puso mal. Por eso no vino. Lo contó hace un tiempo.
—¿Lo habrá querido secuestrar Menotti, para no sufrirlo en la cancha?
—No creo —me dice—. Si el técnico hubiera sido Bilardo por ahí sí. Pero Menotti es un señor.
—Capaz que ganamos el Mundial gracias a los secuestradores de Cruyff, porque esa Holanda, con Johan en el equipo, nos hacía mierda. ¿O no?
—Nunca lo sabremos —me dice—. Pero de todos modos nosotros teníamos un equipazo.
—¿Sabías que en Youtube hay partidos com-pletos del Mundial 78?
—No me digas...—Hacé una cosa: cuando puedas buscá el
partido que jugaron Argentina y Brasil por la se-gunda ronda y seguí atentamente los primeros minutos de Luque.
—¿Qué pasa con Leopoldo Jacinto? —me pregunta Chiri.
—Yo tengo grabado el golazo que le hizo a Francia desde afuera del área, y las repeticiones eternas de las jugadas de siempre —le digo—. Pero te puedo asegurar que esos primeros mi-nutos son la síntesis de otra cosa. Luque sale a partir jugadores brasileños de una manera desco-munal. Es glorioso: nunca vi nada parecido.
—¿Te viste el partido completo? —me pregunta.—Enterito —le digo—. Tenés que hacer la
prueba, porque en un momento pasa algo: a los quince minutos de juego estás de nuevo en la in-fancia, en tu casa de Mercedes. Y afuera hace un frío de puta madre: un frío Mundial 78, como dice Fabián Casas en “El bosque pulenta”.
—Lo voy a intentar, pero no te prometo nada —me dice Chiri.
—Vos te lo perdés.—El que la rompía en esa selección era Ardiles.—Ossie Ardiles —le digo.—¿Así le decían en Inglaterra, no? Simon
Kuper se acuerda de haberlo visto jugar en el Tottenham y cuenta que era una maravilla. ¿Cómo se llama esa película en la que aparecía Ardiles,
que la fuimos a ver al Cine Español cuando éra-mos chicos?
—Escape a la victoria —le digo—, con Michael Caine y Stallone. También estaban Pelé y el pola-co Deyna, al que Fillol le atajó el penal en el Mun-dial. Era sobre un partido de fútbol en un campo de prisioneros de guerra: nazis contra aliados.
—El famoso “partido político”, como el Barça-Madrid —me dice Chiri.
—¡Ah, qué bueno se está poniendo el fútbol español! —me excito—. Cuando se fue Guardiola pensé que ya no habría antagonismos, pero Dios quiso que la independencia catalana pusiera otra vez al odio deportivo en su justo lugar.
—¿En qué liga va a jugar el Barça si Cataluña se independiza de España? ¿Se acaba el clásico para siempre? Vos que vivís ahí, ¿sabés algo?
—Hay un dato importante —le digo—. Móna-co es un Estado independiente, pero su club de fútbol juega en la Liga Francesa.
—Entonces todo bien —me dice Chiri—. Si sigue habiendo Madrid-Barça, estoy a favor de la independencia. ¿Pero Cataluña podría jugar un Mundial como país, por ejemplo?
—Podría, pero sería muy raro ver a Xavi en un equipo y a Iniesta en otro. Yo creo que incluso con diferentes camisetas seguirían triangulando y dándose pases entre ellos.
—Igual no termino de entender la indepen-dencia catalana. ¿Es una postura o es real?
—Yo tengo una teoría muy de cuete, pero sir-ve para explicarlo —le digo.
—¿A ver?—Ponele que hay un amistoso España-Argen-
tina el mes que viene. Promedia el partido y Messi se va con pelota dominada. Entonces llega por atrás Sergio Ramos (el defensor del Madrid), le tira una patada a destiempo y lo quiebra. A Messi. Lo parte en dos. ¿Sabés qué pasaría?
—¿Qué pasaría?—Que Xavi, Puyol, Iniesta, Piqué, Fábregas y
Jordi Alba lo cagarían a trompadas a Sergio Ra-mos. Mientras que Casillas, Arbeloa, Xabi Alonso y Albiol intentarían defender a su compañero. Y se armaría una batalla campal entre jugadores con la misma camiseta.
—Qué loco —me dice Chiri—. Te juro que me lo imagino y puede pasar tranquilamente.
—El sentimiento de independencia, cuando es real, se parece mucho al instinto.
SOBREMESA
Una batalla campal
!"#$%&!| SUSCRIPTORES 2012
36!"!!"#$%&#'(&)%*#+,!#)!-!#"!.#$!/.0%1
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¿Cómo se le ocurren las historias a Leila Guerriero, una de las mejores cronistas
narrativas de nuestra época? La pregunta es breve y a primera vista parece simple.
La respuesta, por suerte, tiene muchas páginas y su lectura es un placer.
Por Leila Guerriero
Ilustra Alejandra Lunik
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LEILA GUERRIERO
50!"!!"#$%&"'()'*%+,-'.)"'&"%/-'.)"'0$11"12
El ensayo de Leila empieza como una oda al procrastineo —me dice Chiri—. “Miro diarios, respondo mails, caliento el agua, abro un ca-
jón...” ¿A todos nos pasa eso cada vez más, no?—Yo creo que aquello que se hace antes de
empezar a trabajar se llama “ritual”. Por ejemplo, yo no puedo sentarme en serio a la máquina sin pasar antes por una serie de costumbres: leer los diarios, ver algunas cosas en YouTube...
—No, ritual es otra cosa —me dice—, lo que hacemos nosotros es pelotudear. ¿Sabés cuál es el problema de los que trabajamos en una pan-talla? Que el ocio también está en esa pantalla. Tenés el trabajo en una pestaña, y en las pestañas de al lado tenés la música, el fútbol, el vicio y un compañero antiguo de la secundaria que te en-contró en Facebook y te habla.
—¿Vos decís que los que no trabajan en com-putadoras no tienen ese problema?
—Imagináte un tipo que carga bolsas en el puerto —me dice Chiri—. No se para a cada rato a charlar con la bolsa, a bailar con la bolsa, a pre-guntarle a la bolsa cómo salió Boca...
—Es verdad.—Hay un artículo buenísimo de Leila que se lla-
ma “Sobre algunas mentiras del periodismo”, don-de dice que escribir un texto le lleva entre veinte días y un mes y medio, con jornadas de muchísi-mas horas de trabajo. A veces de hasta quince…
—¿Quince horas de trabajo? —me asusto—. Yo nunca trabajé quince horas el mismo día.
—¿Diez?—Tampoco.—¿Cuánto?—Máximo, cuatro. El resto miro series.—Entonces —me dice Chiri—, cuando eras
crítico de tele en El País trabajabas mucho.—¡Es verdad! Ahí trabajaba como Leila, quin-
ce horas por día. Qué buena noticia me diste, ahora puedo decir que una vez trabajé mucho.
—Hablando de procrastineo, estoy leyendo la La novela luminosa, de Levrero.
—Esa novela gorda que le compraste a Fede-rico en Montevideo, cuando fuimos a conocer su librería “El Narrador”.
—Es muy raro...—¿Federico?—Él también. Pero te hablaba del libro de Le-
vrero. Es raro como muchos libros uruguayos. —¿Conocés ese dicho que dice que Chile dio
poetas; Argentina, cuentistas; México, novelistas, y Uruguay dio raros?
—Es que es verdad —me dice Chiri—. Toda la primera parte de La novela luminosa es un diario minucioso del procrastineo: Levrero pide una beca Guggenheim para terminar una novela inconclusa. Se la dan. Pero antes de ponerse a escribir la novela se pone a escribir el “Diario de la beca”, que son más de cuatrocientas páginas.
—¿Y qué escribe?—Cuenta cómo el tiempo se le va de las ma-
nos sin escribir la novela. Pero está convencido que todo ese tiempo vacío es muy necesario para llegar a un estado de ocio ideal, que es el que le va a traer la inspiración. Y mientras tanto lucha con cuestiones muy pelotudas de su día a día y con algunas conductas, según él, “abe-rrantes”.
—¿Por ejemplo?—Su obsesión con la computadora (diseña
programas que le avisan cuándo tomar las pas-tillas, por ejemplo, y se pasa horas jugando so-litarios y otras cosas), busca fotos de minas en pelota, lee novelas de Rosa Chacel y de Somerset Maugham como un desesperado y lucha todos los días para acostarse a una hora razonable, pero siempre se termina acostando cuando sale el sol. En la parte que leí anoche se estaba yendo a dormir a las diez de la mañana.
—Es increíble —le digo—. A veces tengo la sensación de que eso nos pasa a todos.
—Al hombre que carga bolsas en el puerto no.—Claro —le digo—, quiero decir: a todos los
que laburamos en casa. Es muy difícil ser uno mismo su propio jefe, ser responsable. ¿A vos no te pasa?
—Yo tengo un jefe de mierda —me dice Chi-ri—. Me tiene cortito, no me deja pelotudear.—Así me gusta, Christian Gustavo —le digo—. Vaya y tráigame una infusión. Rapidito.
SOBREMESA
El trabajo y el ocio
!"#$%&!| SUSCRIPTORES 2012
RELA
TO
REGRESO A CASA
CON TORTUGA
Por Junot Díaz
Ilustra Hernán Cañellas
Junot Díaz nació en República Dominicana pero hace tanto que vive en
Estados Unidos (desde los siete años) que le cuesta hablar en español.
Un día, el que fue premio Pulitzer en 2008 volvió a “su hogar” después de
mucho tiempo. En este relato nos cuenta esa experiencia.
54!"!!"#$%%"&'"()*#+"#(*#,$-"%#+'.,*#/$#!')$+#+"#/$0#.*0$0#"/#+*-/"#+"#12"%)"3
REGRESO A CASA CON TORTUGA
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REGRESO A CASA CON TORTUGA
Junot Díaz (Santo Domingo, 1968). Escritor dominicano nacio-nalizado estadounidense, ganador del premio Pulitzer en 2008. Reside en Estados Unidos. Autor de Los Boys y La maravillosa vida breve de Óscar Wao, ambos editados en español por Mon-dadori. El relato que publica Orsai está inédito en castellano.
Traducción:Luis Chaves
Ilustraciones:Hernán Cañellas
Para la mayoría, el once es la primera cifra que no podemos
contar con los dedos, el quinto número primo, el número
atómico del sodio, y poco más. Para Gabriela Wiener es una
obsesión que la acompaña y, creemos, la trastorna un poco.
CRÓNICA
ESPERANDO EL
11 /11 /11
Ilustra Matías TolsàPor Gabriela Wiener
!!!
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Che, ¿de verdad mandaste ese mail el once de noviembre de 2011 —le pregunto a Chi-ri—, o Gabriela está mejorando la anécdota?
—Se lo mandé realmente ese día. Cuando leí
habíamos hablado sobre su obsesión con el nú-mero once, una noche en tu casa.
—Sí, me acuerdo de esa noche. Yo no le pres-té mucha atención a la charla.
—¿No creés en esas cosas?—Creo más o menos —le digo—. A mí me
pasa algo así con el 621, que es mi número obse--
jado en la crónica. Millones de veces me despier-to, miro el reloj digital, y son las 6:21.
—¿Y qué hacés cuando pasa eso?—Me levanto.—¿A la madrugada?—No. Cuando me despierto son las 6:21 de
la tarde. Pero en realidad pienso parecido a Iván Thais: creo que primero llega la obsesión y des-pués te tropezás con la manía todo el tiempo.
—Puede ser que eso pase con otras cosas, pero no con el número once. Esa cifra es mucho más que una obsesión.
—Y vos —le pregunto—, ¿creés?—Te voy a confesar —me dice Chiri—: des-
pués de aquella charla con Gabriela me puse a investigar por mi cuenta y descubrí algunas cosas muy interesantes.
—¿Por ejemplo?—¿Sabés quién era el número once en la se-
lección argentina del Mundial 78?—Killer —le digo—. Jugaba en Racing.—Exacto. Daniel Pedro Killer.—¿Y qué hay con eso?—Que “killer” en inglés quiere decir “asesino”;
en otras palabras: el que viene a matar. Y escu-chá esto —me dice Chiri, entre susurros—: Daniel Pedro Killer nació en Rosario, un 21 de diciembre; es decir: el mismo día que los Mayas pronostican que se va a acabar el mundo.
—¿Vos decís, entonces, que el Caballo Killer tiene algo que ver con el Armagedón?
—Digo eso y mucho más: ¿sabés cuál fue el mejor partido en la carrera futbolística de Killer?
—¿Cómo voy a saber eso? —le digo.—Porque fue un partido histórico de la selec-
ción, contra Venezuela. Copa América, año 1975. Daniel Pedro Killer jugó de titular, hizo tres goles y clavó dos pelotas en los palos. Pero eso no es nada: ¿sabés cómo salió ese partido? Ganó Ar-gentina: once a cero.
—Me dejás helado. —Y una más: la palabra Killer tiene el número
once escondido en las dos eles.—Entonces los números no mienten...—Nunca mienten, querido amigo. —Con razón tengo esta obsesión con el 420.
La última vez que estuve en Buenos Aires me compré un picachu —le explico—. Uno de metal muy lindo, que tenía grabada una cifra: 4:20. Yo no sabía qué era. ¿Vos sabés?
—No.—Es un código de la gente que fuma porro.
Resulta que en 1971, unos alumnos de una es-cuela de California iban a fumar cuete en los re-creos, al costado de una estatua de Luis Pasteur. Siempre en el último recreo: el timbre sonaba a las cuatro y veinte.
—Ajá.—Entonces estos chicos, en vez de decir “va-
mos a fumar porro a la estatua”, para que los pro-fesores no entendieran la conversación decían: “nos vemos a las 4:20”. Y la frase trascendió, de a poco, hasta que 420 se convirtió en un código de fumones.
—Me gusta ese código —me dice Chiri—. De-ben estar muy orgullosos esos adolescentes de California.
—Obvio. No se esperaban tanta repercusión. Porque además el asunto fue mucho más allá. Desde los años ochenta, los veinte de abril (4/20 en inglés) son días en que hay que fumar porro sin parar. Y la hora 4:20 de cualquier día, en la mayoría de los países anglosajones, es la hora de fumar cuete, como las cinco en punto es la hora de tomar el té.
—¿O sea que si yo te digo, adelante de mi vieja, “nos vemos a las cuatro y veinte”, vos me entendés? —me pregunta Chiri.
—Claro, y me voy corriendo a una estatua de Luis Pasteur a esperarte.
—¿Y si no hay estatua?—Me voy al lado de un perro, o de alguien que
tenga rabia. También vale.
SOBREMESA
Cuidado con Killer
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XXXXXXXXPor Nacho Vigalondo
!"#$LOS MEJORES MOMENTOS DE LA HISTORIA DEL CINE
Cuando Jaws se estrenó nadie sabía que el joven Spielberg estaba inaugurando una nueva
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T iburón fue la primera película para adultos que vi en el cine —me dice Chiri—. ¿Y vos?—Último tango en París —le digo—. Me lle-
vó mi viejo, creyendo que era sobre Gardel.—Mentira. Lo decís para adornar tu biografía.—No, en serio. En la escena de la manteca en
el orto mi viejo me dice: “Qué atrevido, Lepera”. No me olvido más.
—A mí me impactó mucho, de chico, la prime-ra escena de Tiburón: dos pibes enamorados co-rren por la playa. La chica se va sacando la ropa y se mete al mar desnuda. El chico no la alcanza, se queda tirado en la arena. Está amaneciendo, no hay mucha luz en la escena. La chica nada en pelotas, sola, muy tranquilamente. Todo está en calma. Hasta que de pronto...
—...te diste cuenta que era La laguna azul. —No, boludo. De pronto —me dice Chiri, con
los ojos como huevos duros— la chica empieza a chapotear como loca, succionada desde el fondo por algo muy horrible. Grita y grita. El pibe duer-me la mona en la playa y no la escucha. Más gri-tos de la chica. Please help me! Oh, my God! Oh, God! si alguien hubiera apretado el botón del inodoro. El mar regresa a la calma. Y en toda la secuencia Spielberg nunca mostró al bicho.
—¿Por qué razón el coitus interruptus es una práctica frecuente en las películas de miedo? —le pregunto—. Siempre hay una parejita que se em-pieza a desvestir y, todavía con la ropa a medio sacar, aparece un desquiciado con una máscara agujereada y una motosierra y los parte al medio.
—Cuando pienso en estos dos elementos: agua y sangre, no pienso en Tiburón sino en ese cuento famoso del hijo de puta de Chuck Pa-lahniuk —me dice Chiri—. ¿Cómo se llama ese cuento que no me acuerdo?
—“Tripas” —le digo—, Guts en inglés. Es es-calofriante. Lo leí una sola vez en mi vida y no lo pude volver a leer nunca más.
—Todas las cosas horribles que le pasan a ese chico por querer hacerse una paja abajo del agua no tienen nombre —dice Chiri con gesto de dolor—. No quiero acordarme.
—Uno de los mejores cuentos del mundo donde aparecen piletas es “El nadador”, de Cheever —le digo—. El cuento del tipo que vuel-ve a su casa nadando por todas las piletas de su barrio.
—Burt Lancaster…—En la película; pero el personaje del cuento
se llama Neddy Merrill.—Yo creo que en algún momento tenemos
que invitar a escribir en la revista a Félix Bru- zzone —me dice Chiri—, escribe muy bien y además, hasta donde sé, se gana la vida lim-piando piletas.
—Escribió una novela que se llama Barrefon-do, en la que hay mucho de su experiencia como barrefondista. No es común que los escritores se ganen la vida haciendo trabajos manuales, y que estén bien con eso, y que no les importe.
—Una vez Garcés dijo algo muy cierto.—No creo. —Te juro. Dijo que los escritores argentinos
suelen tener un desprecio olímpico por el mundo real, porque están convencidos de que la literatu-ra está hecha solo de palabras, y que por lo tanto
ningún escritor, dijo Garcés, excepto Fogwill, sabe cómo se construye una mesa.
—Qué bien Garcés —me dice Chiri—. ¿El sabe construir una mesa?
—No creo, pero es lindo, entonces zafa.—Bruzzone, en cambio, se parece a Allan Poe.—¡Pero eso es muchísimo mejor que ser lindo!
Y además limpia piletas y escribe como los dio-ses. ¡Quiero conocer a ese chico!
—Tendríamos que preparar una “Antología de escritores que desempeñan labores físicas”.
—Todavía tenemos pendiente la “Antolo-gía hispanoamericana de escritores lindos” —le digo—. ¿Ya empezaste a buscar?
—Sí —me dice—. Pero tengo un estándar tan alto de la belleza que hasta ahora solo reuní un cuento tuyo y nada más.
—Gracias —me sonrojo—. Qué lindo piropo.—Me salió del alma.
SOBREMESA
Piscinas
!"#$%&!| SUSCRIPTORES 2012
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Mariana Enriquez (Buenos Aires, 1973). Periodista y escritora. Trabaja en el suplemento “Radar” de Página/12. Publicó dos novelas, Bajar es lo peor, Cómo desaparecer completamente y un libro de relatos, Los peligros de fumar en la cama. Sus cuentos aparecen en diversas antologías de narrativa.
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Joyce Carol Oates (New York, 1938). Novelista, cuentista, autora teatral y editora. Desde 1978, es profesora de escritura creativa en la Universidad de Princeton. Ha escrito también bajo los seudónimos Rosamond Smith y Lauren Kelly. Su antológico relato “¿Dónde vas? ¿Dónde estuviste?” no se había traducido al español.
Traducción:Xtian RodríguezMarcelo Tourné
E -ri—, pero entre las cosas que me gustaron de esta segunda temporada de Orsai, la
—Me gustó esto de que sean páginas de solo texto, sin demasiada interrupción de dibujos. Ma-tías hizo pequeñas viñetas chiquitas arriba, para no joder la tranquilidad de la literatura.
—Y además los nombres—le recito—: Keith Lee Morris, Santiago Nazarian, Ana Paula Maia, Andréa del Fuego, Daniel Galera, José Sbarra,
-rrez, Aurora Venturini, Mempo Giardinelli, Mario Bellatin, y en este número Mariana Enríquez y
-mond Smith y Lauren Kelly.
—El cuento que le publicamos en este núme-ro, que lo tradujo Xtian con un amigo, fue anto-logado muchísimo en Estados Unidos, y es muy raro que nunca se haya traducido al español.
—Está inspirado en tres asesinatos, ¿no?—Así parece. Lo que no sé es por qué se lo
dedica a Dylan. —Porque lo escribió después de escuchar
“It’s All Over Now, Baby Blue” —me dice.—Yo, por curiosidad me bajé la peli que se
hizo sobre el cuento. Se llama Smooth Talk. ¿Sa-Co-
razón salvaje, jovencita…—Sos un poco pervertido, no sé si alguna vez
te lo dije. A propósito: ¿adónde se la lleva Friend
gusta nada ese muchacho.—Hay varias interpretaciones sobre eso; y el
cuento tiene escondidas pequeñas claves que te pueden ayudar a encontrar posibles respuestas —le digo.
—También en el cuento de Mariana Enriquez
esa historia de la casa abandonada. Me encanta cómo escribe Mariana.
—Yo se lo leí a Nina una noche —le digo—, cuando nos llegó el primer borrador, y se cagó en las patas. No pudo dormir.
—No es para una nena de ocho años, boludo.
experimentos, ¿si no para qué los tenés? —le digo—. Mi hermana siempre tuvo la fantasía de tener gemelos, para encerrar a uno en el garage con comida chatarra y mandar al otro pupilo a un colegio marista. Y a los dieciocho años ver cuál de los dos le salía asesino en serie.
—¿Tu hermana estará a favor de que digas esto públicamente?
—Es tarde para llamarla y preguntar.—Dice Mariana que el germen de sus histo-
rias, en realidad, está en los relatos de fantasmas que le contaba su abuela, o sus tías, cuando ella era chica.
-mentaron de chica.
—Pero en este caso el experimento salió bien. De hecho escribió libros buenísimos, por ejemplo Los peligros de fumar en la cama -
-rías y otros temas que Mariana maneja muy bien. Sobre todo porque en sus cuentos los personajes son reales, gente que puede vivir a la vuelta de tu casa.
—No debe ser fácil escribir historias de terror o de miedo. Y menos en países como los nues-tros: ¿cómo hacés para que la historia no parezca yanqui?
Yo no puedo ver cine de terror. No me interesa nada. No le creo un carajo a las películas de miedo.
—A mí me pasaba lo mismo hasta que empe-cé a ver The Walking Dead —le digo—. Jamás ha-bía visto una película de zombis, pero esta serie puede conmigo.
—Sí, es espectacular. Pero no da miedo en absoluto —me dice.
—Yo me cago bastante en las patas.—¿Por qué siempre terminamos hablando de
series de televisión? —me dice.—O de fútbol.—Sí. De una cosa o de la otra. ¿Deberíamos
hacer una revista de deportes o de series, en vez de esta revista de literatura?
—Estamos a tiempo. Este es el último número de la temporada. El año que viene podemos ha-cer lo que se nos antoje.
—Qué bien suena eso: “lo que se nos antoje”.—Sí.
98!"!!"#$"!%&#'()#*"+#$,&#"(#$-#.)/"+)#0#11)$2#)#1)#321-4)$-)5
SOBREMESA
Experimentos
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CAROLINA AGUIRRE
122!"!!"#$"%&'("%'()*+&*,-"!&#,&."%/01!"'/2%&3,%45/'"6
Se acabaron los folletines —le digo a Chiri cuando recibimos el último original—. La historia del chef Kaminski tampoco tiene
—De algún modo termina bien: Julio y Laura casi se escapan a Paraguay, y hasta reconcilia-
—Eso no es terminar bien.—Pero tampoco es acabar tan mal como la
—Ni como el western onírico de Leo.—Es verdad.
y en Santiago del Estero. Estuve los cinco epi-sodios anteriores con esa duda. ¿Cuándo pasa
—El relato del chef desmemoriado ocurre en una Buenos Aires actual. Eso se supo siempre.
surubí de Pedro?
de las tres historias se parecen entre sí ni un po-
— La revista viene teniendo orto desde el prin--
mos por suerte nunca fueron graves. Y las cosas -
—Suerte de principiantes —le digo.
sido orto puro, pero en todo caso el segundo fue un orto más enfocado. Además los autores y los
-
su distribuidor, todos se acostumbraron a recibir
—¿Y eso no será malo? —No puede ser malo.
—Lo digo de otra manera —me explica Chi-ri—: tener a Nick Hornby en el número uno gene-ró conmoción... “Uh, estos pibes van en serio”, y cosas así, ¿no?
—Sí.—Pero tener a Joe Bageant en el número nue-
-tores, sino de nuestra propia adrenalina con la re-
—Amateurs o profesionales —resumo—. Esas vendrían a ser las opciones.
—¿No hay nada a mitad de camino?—La selección argentina de rugby —me dice
en semi-profesional?
—Cerremos esto con esa frase perfecta.—Antes me gustaría hacerte una pregunta.
—Es sobre la lectora en tetas…
-
paciencia: la respuesta está adentro tuyo. Inclu-so, hace unos minutos, vos mismo acabás de pronunciarla.
gordo? Decime cómo mierda la encontraste,
-res cosas en la vida.
SOBREMESA
Surfear la ola
!"#$%&!| SUSCRIPTORES 2012
COLABORADORES ORSAI 2012
!"#$%&AGRIMBAU (Buenos Aires, 1975)
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!"#$%&DÍAZ (Santo Domingo, 1968)
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4-+#5#&IGLESIAS ILLA&(Buenos Aires, 1973)
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LINIERS(Buenos Aires, 1973)
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!"#$%&'LLANOS M.(Valladolid, 1981)
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4%&3-'REPISO'(Buenos Aires, 1964)
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4%&3-'RICCIARDULLI'(Luján, 1959)
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6
COLABORADORES ORSAI 2012
!"#$#%&%'ROMERO'(Buenos Aires, 1985)
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:.0&'(."&.0&$) /) $3.8$#'(1) ;+,-.%<) !"#$"
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1&"!3$'TOGNOLA (Buenos Aires, 1972)
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1&!3&*'TOLSÀ'(Villa Constitución, 1983)
20)8."8,(')I+3#$%.'3$-)#")L(0$.1)23)-$0)"#.55
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%'-"%%.<3)#")*'"8$0)%&."3(Q4+&:#$41)M%&+$-55
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50+1) N+") "-) $+&'() #") -$) .8$@"3) %'(*'($&.?$) #"-)
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