YOUR EMOTIONS AND THE IMPACT OF YOUR REACTIONS

WITH BETTINA PICKERING

30 MARCH 2015 FOR IIC&M (WWW.IICANDM.ORG)

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Experience / Background

▪ Production Engineer in Germany

▪ 13 years as a global Management Consultant for people and culture change

▪ 5 years as director of my own consulting, training and coaching business (Aronagh)

▪ 2 years as co-director of EvolveBeyond Redundancy

Qualifications

▪ Life & Executive Coach Diploma

▪ NLP Master Practitioner & Trainer

▪ Masters in applied Coaching

▪ Energetic NLP

▪ Clean Language & Symbolic Modelling

▪ Leadership Embodiment & Somatic Intelligence

▪ Psychosensory Techniques & Principles

▪ Qi Gong Teacher

Coaching

• 50% of my coaching business is emotion focussed / content free coaching

• 60% of my coaching is via Skype

• 50% of my training is stress/resilience and leadership – emotion related

BETTINA PICKERING - BIO

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WHY EMOTIONS▪ Noticed

▪ Emotions are severely underrepresented in coaching/NLP literature (so is the body and energy)

▪ Emotions are increasingly key field of research

▪ Emotions are involved / affected in every single human process

▪ Stress and its expressions seem to be the new silent epidemic

▪ 30% of my clients

▪ come with an underlying emotional patterns that is holding them back

▪ they can feel an emotion or feeling but cannot verbalise what’s going on exactly

▪ first event/series of events that caused this issue is often pre-verbal, long since forgotten or someone else’s

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CONTENTS

▪ Key facts about emotions and how they affect our reality

▪ Why being aware and engaging with emotions is coaching is important

▪ Impact of the coach’s emotional reactions on the coaching relationship and on coaching success

▪ How to avoid projection of your emotions onto others, recognise when it happens and what to do about it when it does

▪ Tips on how to help clients become aware, own and shift their own emotional reactions

"Your emotions affect every cell in your body. Mind and body, mental and physical, are intertwined."

Dr. Thomas Tutko, father of Sports Psychology

KEY FACTS ABOUT EMOTIONS

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KEY FACTS ABOUT EMOTIONS

▪ Emotions are of short duration

▪ Emotions are a pattern or a process

▪ Emotions are complex – they affect the whole human system

▪ Emotions are event specific (internal or external event)

▪ Emotions are a call to action

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TYPES OF EMOTIONS

Emotion Type

Category

Primary Emotions Secondary Emotions

Emotion Label Happiness, Sadness,

Fear, Anger, Surprise,

Disgust

Embarrassment,

Jealousy, Guilt, Pride,

Shame

Expression Universal facial

expression across

cultures

Non universal (at least

there is no conclusive

research, as yet)

Sources: Ekman, Damasio

There is no common EMOTION classification or language.

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WHAT ARE EMOTIONS – REALLY?

Source: Bettina Pickering

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PLUTCHIK’S CLASSIFICATION

Source: Robert Plutchik & creative commons image

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KEY FACTS ABOUT FUNCTIONS OF EMOTIONS

Emotions are

▪ a gauge for current state

▪ a signal to us the degree to which an event fits with our filters

▪ an impetus for action

▪ suggest a direction of action

▪ a key to stored memories

▪ involved in learning

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POLL

Question

Do you believe emotions

▪ Are part of thoughts

▪ Separate from thoughts

▪ Include thoughts

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ELEMENTS OF EMOTIONS – A DIFFERENT VIEW

Emotion Function Nervous System Emotion Element

Evaluation CNS Cognitive (Thoughts)

Regulation CNS, NES, ANS Neurophysiological (body symptoms)

Preparation and direction of action

CNS Motivation

Communication of reaction & intention

SNS Motor (facial & vocal expression)

Monitoring of state & external interaction

CNS Subjective Feeling (emotional experience)

Source: Scherer, What are emotions? And how can we measure them?, Social Science Information Vol 44 – no 4

AWARENESS & ENGAGEMENTWHY EMOTIONS ARE IMPORTANT IN COACHING

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EMOTIONS IN COACHING –AWARENESS IS KEY

Everything is energy – so are emotions

▪ Mirror Neurons

▪ The Field

▪ Heart Electromagnetic Field Emissions

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THE GOOD, THE BAD & THE . . . .

▪ Emotions are everywhere

▪ Emotions are part of the human experience

▪ Positive or Negative – they all have an effect

▪ Emotions can come across through body language, words, voice and energy (and a combination)

▪ No Emotion - no Action

EMOTIONS ARE NEUTRAL We are the ones that attach meaning!

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AWARENESS: WHO’S EMOTION IS IT?

An emotion could be ….

▪ Ours

▪ Client’s

▪ Both

▪ Someone Else’s

THE COACH’S EMOTIONSIMPACT OF OUR EMOTIONS ON THE COACHING RELATIONSHIP &

COACHING SUCCESS

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THE COACH’S EMOTIONS - POLL

Question:

Do you believe that your emotions have an impact on the coaching success?

▪ Yes

▪ No

▪ Don’t know

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RECOGNISING OUR EMOTIONS – AS COACHES

The therapeutic relationship accounts for 30% of the success of the outcome

whereas

the technique only for 15% of the effectiveness

Source: Wampold, Duncan, & Miller, The Heart and Soul of Change, 2009, p. location 1142

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GETTING TO KNOW OUR OWN EMOTIONS

Be Curious

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KEY TIPS WHEN GETTING TO KNOW YOUR EMOTIONS

▪ No Judgement

▪ Observation is key

▪ Develop a language

▪ Honour the message

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WHEN IT’S THE CLIENT’S EMOTIONS

Client emotions can affect us:

▪ We can feel them in our body, as if they were ours

▪ We can empathise

▪ They can trigger us

What’s your strategy when that happens?

PROJECTIONRECOGNITION, PREVENTION AND ACTION

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WHEN IT’S OUR PROJECTION

Assumptions based on our model of the world

▪ Cultural norms

▪ Previous clients

▪ Own experience

▪ Previous experience with this client

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WHEN IT’S OUR PROJECTION - TIPS

Some ideas on how to avoid projection

▪ Questions – ask the client

▪ Park it

▪ Multiple Perspectives

▪ No Labels

▪ Intuition

CLIENT AWARENESS & SHIFTSTIPS & IDEAS

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A POSSIBLE PROCESS

Based on interviews with about 30 coaches, literature and action research© Aronagh & Bettina Pickering 2015

Exploring the emotion in

the Now

AcceptanceValidationAcknowledgementNormalisationObservation

Shift in Energy

Raise client Self-

Awareness

ReflectionMirroring

CalmingWitnessingAllowingIntention

IntegrationClient is able

to access inner wisdom

Clearing TransformationNew Perspective

Stage 1 Stage 2 Stage 3 Stage 4

CenteringAdjustmentLearning

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FACILITATING CLIENT EMOTION AWARENESS

▪ Focus on what’s present, NOW.

▪ Acceptance

▪ Permission

▪ Creating a language

▪ Creating a new skill

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FACILITATING CLIENT EMOTION SHIFTS

▪ Stage 1: Acknowledgement & Permission often already creates a shift

▪ Stage 2: Awareness and getting to know the emotion(s) and feelings usually also creates a shift

AND

▪ Get the message

▪ Exercise choice

▪ Go with the flow

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THINGS TO CONSIDER

▪ Safe Practice

▪ Client Permission

▪ Boundaries

▪ Referrals

AND

▪ As coaches, we coach the whole person

▪ Emotions are part of our human experience

If we ignore Emotions we are missing a valuable ally, change agent and accelerator.

QUESTIONS?

COMMENTS?

SOMETHING TO SHARE?

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THANK YOU

To get in touch with me:

Web: www.bettinapickering.com

E-mail: bettina@bettinapickering.com

FB: www.facebook.com/bettinapickeringauthor

Twitter: @Bettina_Author

As a thank you for attending I have a gift for you:

www.bettinapickering.com/resources/gifts