Are Your Emotions Sober?Are Your Emotions Sober? Practical Ways to Improve Your Well-BeingPractical Ways to Improve Your Well-Being

John Howard Prin, LADCJohn Howard Prin, LADCMinnesota Recovery Connection

April 17, 2014

John Prin BIOJohn Prin BIO• Licensed Alcohol & Drug Counselor,15 years:

♦ In-Patient and Out-patient

♦ Former Hazelden counselor

♦ Current Private Practice as Educator/Speaker • Author of three recovery books:

♦ Stolen Hours

♦ Secret Keeping

♦ Roadmap to Lifelong Recovery

• Founder of TrueYouRecovery in Minneapolis

www.TrueYouRecovery.comwww.TrueYouRecovery.com

TodTodaay’s Focusy’s Focus

• The ProblemThe way a person in sobriety reacts to life’s challenges, difficulties, and surprises may arouse emotions that are stronger, bigger, or more intense than the situation calls for. Out-of-control emotions can lead to relapse.

• The Solution When a person in sobriety chooses to respond to life’s up and downs, rather than reacting, s/he gains perspective on those situations and maintains emotional equilibrium. This balance fosters healthy recovery.

In a Nutshell…In a Nutshell…From…

Self-medicating emotions

To…Self-regulating emotions

From… Emotional Extremes

To…Emotional Equilibrium

Tools I Found Effective Tools I Found Effective

• “Acceptance” paragraph (p. 417 Big Book)

“Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.”

• The Promises (p. 83-84 Big Book)

“We will know a new freedom and a new happiness”

“We will comprehend the word serenity and know peace”

“We will see how our experience can benefit others”

• Gratitude Book - One thing I’m thankful for each day

• Earnie Larsen’s Stage II - Self Talk Exercises

• Emotions Anonymous - “Just For Today’s”

Bill W.’s EssayBill W.’s Essay

“THE NEXT FRONTIER: EMOTIONAL SOBRIETY” January 1958

Key points in essay:

• After successful sobriety from alcohol, "many oldsters"

still lacked emotional sobriety. Bill included himself.

• Even successfully sober, and linked with the Fellowship

of AA, “peace and joy may still elude us.”

Emotional Sobriety’s Main Goal:

“How to translate a right mental conviction into a right

emotional result, into easy, happy and good living.”

“A right emotional result Easy, Happy, Good living”

TAMING The BEAST TAMING The BEAST

• Emotions that remain unmanageable make us – and our loved ones –

miserable.• Bill asked:

“How shall our unconscious be brought into line with what we actually believe, know and want.”

BASIC FLAWBASIC FLAW

“Frightful and faulty dependencies”

Dependence on "prestige, security, perfectionist dreams" leads to

DEPRESSION

Failure to grow up, emotionally and spiritually...

…is due to the "pain from demanding the impossible – adolescent urges, seeking top approval, perfectionism."

HOW TO CHANGE?HOW TO CHANGE?

“If we examine every disturbance we have, great or small, we will find at the root of it some unhealthy dependency and its consequent unhealthy demand.”

“We can be set free to live and love if we surrender these hobbling demands.”

www.TianDayton.com

“Emotional sobriety is about finding balance and maintaining our emotional equilibrium.”

We do so by improving our ability to self-regulate

“Balance occurs when our thinking, feelings and behavior are congruent, when we operate

in an integrated flow.”

Clinically speaking…Clinically speaking…Self Regulation Self Regulation

Tian Dayton, PhD

YOUR TURNYOUR TURN

Pairs Exercise

• Select a partner

• Take turns answering two questions:

1.Describe a person you know in recovery who

regulates his/her emotions successfully.

2.Describe a person you know in recovery who

regulates his/her emotions poorly.

My JourneyMy Journey from from Emotional HijackingEmotional Hijacking

While Addicted In Recovery

Self Pity Gratitude

Rage Forgiveness

Envy Acceptance

Despair Hope, trust

GOAL: To regulate my emotions, inner and outer, appropriate to the reality of the situation

Insights from My 4Insights from My 4thth Step Step

MAJOR DISCOVERY:

Behind my feelings (stronger and “bigger” when addicted) were thoughts and unexamined statements I made to myself (self-talk) that triggered unpleasant feelings I had to escape.

“Life cheats me” Anger, blame, hostility

“My hopes and dreams fail” Shame, guilt, inferiority

“Others have it better than me” Fear, distrust, aggression

Replacing Negative with NewReplacing Negative with New

Negative New

“Life cheats me” “Life blesses me”

“My hopes & dreams fail” “I celebrate my successes”

“Others have it better “I am worthy and equal

than me” to others”

The Value of RepetitionThe Value of RepetitionHint: HABITHint: HABIT

Once replaced, each new reasonable/

rational thought needed repeating until

it took over – often daily for 3 to 6 weeks.

New Thought New Feelings

“Life blesses me” Joy, gratitude, hope

“I celebrate my successes” Optimism, satisfaction

“I am worthy & equal to others” Serenity, peace, centered

Ways to Come into BalanceWays to Come into Balance

• Resolve early childhood wounds• Learn ways to self-soothe naturally• Develop a strong relationship network• Maintain a healthy body with exercise, rest,

nutrition, and sensual pleasure• Find meaningful activities, work, hobbies, passions• Process emotional ups and down as they happen• Develop inner resources, quiet meditation,spiritual

pursuitsTHANKS to Tian Dayton, PhD

Albert Ellis - 1950sAlbert Ellis - 1950sFather of CBTFather of CBT

Our emotions stem mainly from our beliefs, evaluations, interpretations, and reactions (“cognitions”) to life situations.

These cognitions can be either rational

(realistic, logical) or irrational

(dysfuntional, maladaptive).

Emotional DisturbancesEmotional Disturbances

• People develop “emotional disturbances” and behavioral difficulties when they take their valid desires for love, approval, success and make the mistake of perceiving them as dire needs.

• Emotional Disturbances largely result from irrational, self-defeating thinking:

* “If I don’t get my way, I will go to pieces”

* “I must do better, or I’m a complete failure”

* “I ought to have success, but life is never fair”

Basic CBT ModelBasic CBT Model

1. When a person is skilled at Identifying

2. and Refuting irrational beliefs,

3. and has learned to Replace these

ineffective ways of thinking with effective

and rational (realistic, logical) cognitions,

4. the Result is one’s emotional reactions

to situations improve.

Earnie Larsen’s Stage IIEarnie Larsen’s Stage II

Thoughts

Feelings

Actions Results

Thoughts

Feelings

Actions Results

Also POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY

Positive Self TalkPositive Self Talk

• Negative self-definition >>> (leads to)

• Negative behavior >>> (leads to)

• Negative results >>> (lead to)

This Cycle is reversed when the person replaces NEG Self-Talk with POS

“The better the Discovery,

the better the Recovery.”

- Earnie Larsen

Healthy SELF TALK fuels a person’s Emotional Sobriety:

Replacing Self-TalkReplacing Self-Talk

OLD Self Talk NEW Self Talk

Change “Alcohol is my best friend” To “Alcohol is my worst enemy”

Change “I’ll never be somebody” To “I am somebody”

Change “Life is out to get me” To “Life is full of opportunities”

Change “I don’t matter to anybody” To “I matter a lot / am worthy”

Change “Life cheats me” To “Life blesses me”

Positive Self-Talk Boosts Emotional SobrietyPositive Self-Talk Boosts Emotional Sobriety

Stage II RecoveryStage II Recovery(Earnie Larsen)(Earnie Larsen)

Stage IStage I (Get Sober)(Get Sober) Stage IIStage II (Stay Sober)(Stay Sober)

Past Present & Future

Problem Solution

Disease /Crisis Health/Growth

Consequences Amends

Destructive Beliefs Constructive Beliefs

Isolation Fellowship

SELF OTHERS

Emotions AnonymousEmotions Anonymous

“A 12-Step program for those seeking emotional health.”

www.EmotionsAnonymous.org

The Choice is Mine:“Just for today I will try to adjust myself

to what is and not force everything

to adjust to my own desires.”

List of “Just for Todays”…

…pick 3 that you like See SAMPLES in HANDOUTS

True You Recovery ServicesTrue You Recovery Services952-941-1870952-941-1870

www.TrueYouRecovery.comwww.TrueYouRecovery.comMinneapolis, MN 55439Minneapolis, MN 55439