pakistanis 1

7/30/2019 Pakistanis 1

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The clever Indians

Three Indians and three Pakistanis are travelling bytrain to the cricket match at the World Cupin Manchester. At the station, the three Pakistaniseach buy a ticket and watch as the threeIndians buy just one ticket between them. "Howare the three of you going to travel on onlyone ticket?" asks one of the Pakistanis. "Watch andlearn," answers one of the Indians.

They all board the train. The Pakistanis take theirrespective seats but all three Indians craminto a toilet and close the door behind them.Shortly after the train has departed, theconductor comes around collecting tickets. Heknocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please." The door opens just a crack and a single armemerges with a ticket in hand. The conductortakes it and moves on. The Pakistanis see this andagree it was quite a clever idea.

So after the game, they decide to copy the Indianson the return trip and save some money (beingclever with money, and all that). When they get

to the station, they buy a single ticket forthe return trip. To their astonishment, the Indiansdon't buy a ticket at all !!" How are yougoing to travel without a ticket?" says oneperplexed Pakistani. "Watch and learn," answersanIndian.

When they board the train the three Pakistaniscram into a toilet and soon after the three

Indians cram into another one nearby. The traindeparts. Shortly afterwards, one of the Indians


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leaves the toilet and walks over to the toilet wherethe Pakistanis are hiding. He knocks onthe door and says, "Ticket please."

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The Chinese fighter planes!

Pakistan just got their new Chineses fighter planesand sent a squadron of pilots there for

Training."Ok, this one is easy to fly", said the Chinese

trainer, "even you fools should be able toOperate it! You press this button to go up, this oneto go left and this one for turning right!"

"But how do we come down?" asked Capt. ArfathPasha."Oh," said the Chinese "leave that to the Indian AirForce!"

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The case of an insect in a mug of beer

An insect falls into a mug of beer...

Englishman : Throws his mug away and walks out

American : Takes the insect out and drinks thebeer


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Chinese : Eats the insect and throws the beer away

Indian : Sells the beer to the American and insectto the Chinese and gets a new mug of beer.

Pakistani : -Accuses the Indian for throwing insectinto his beer -Relates the issue to Kashmir- Asks the Chinese for Military aid -Takes a loan

from the American to buy one more mug of beer.

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Two Paki and an Indian on the way to New York!

Two Pakistanis boarded a shuttle out ofWashington for New York. One sat in the windowseat, theother in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, a fat

little Indian guy got on and took theaisle seat next to the 2 pakistanis. He kicked offhis shoes,wiggled his toes and was settlingin when the pakistani in the window seat said, "Ithink I'll go up & get a coke.""No problem," said the Indian,"I'll get it for u."

While he was away,the pakistani picked up theshoe & spat in it. When the Indian returned withthe coke, the other pakistani said,"That looksgood.I think I'll have one too." Again, the Indianobligingly went to fetch it. And while he was gone,

the pakistani picked up the shoe & spat in


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it. The Indian returned with the coke & they all satback & enjoyed the short flight to New York.As the plane was landing the Indian slipped his feetinto his shoes & knew immediately what hadhappened, "How long must this go on," the Indian

asked, "This enmity between our people.....this hatred....this animosity.....this spitting in shoesand pissing in the cokes."

Things about Desis in America!

Q. How do desis in states have fun ?A. Read technical books

Q. What do you call it when a desi tries to imitatean American ?A. Artificial IntelligenceQ. Why do desis go to a bar ?A. To stand in a corner and look at the blondes onthe sly.Q. What is a desi's favorite rhyme ?A. Earn money. look funny. (like a zombie, havingspent a lifetime in the lab)Q. How do you make a desi's eyes light up ?A. Wave a dollar bill on his face.Q. What is a desi's most exciting part of life ?A. Doing an assignment for a girl.

Q. Why do desis drink a can of beer ?A. so they could get high.


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Q. What do you call a desi between two blondes ?A. A misfit.

Q. Why do desis wear goggles ?A. To look at blondes

Q. What do desis mean by fun ?A. Sighting blondes sitting in a car with sun glassdoors.

Q. What do you call a desi gathering ?A. Techinical conference.

Q. When does a desi smile ?A. After seeing his pay check.

Q. When do desis go to the temple ?A. Just before the finals week.

Q. Why is Cinemax's (cable) Friday after dark sosuccessful ?A1. Because, all desis watch it.

Q. Why do desis drown in a swimming pool ?A. Because they have pot bellies.

Q. What does a desi do on a date ?A. Bore the hell out of the girl's mind by talkingabout his assignments and how he solved theproblems.Q. How can you punish a desi ?A. Ask him to talk to a girl without offerring to doher assignment.

Q. What is the desi's chronic speech impediment ?


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A. His accent.Q. How does a desi confuse another desi ?A. Speak with an american accent.

Q. Why are desis famous for floating in theswimming pool ?A. Because of their strikingly prominent tummies.Q. How do you describe a desi ?A. A short zombie who looks intimidated.

Q. Who do you call a smart desi ?A1. One who can drink two cans of beer and stillwalk straight.

Q. What is a desi's philosophy of life ?A. Eat, sleep and work.Q. How does a desi bragg ?A. Tell fellow desis that a blonde smiled at him.Good Ol Barber

There is this Good Ol' Barber in some city inUS.One day a Florist goes to him for a haircut. Afterthe cut, he goes to pay the Barber and thebarber replies:

'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I amdoing a Community Service'.

The Florist is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the Barber goes to openhis shop, there is a Thank you Card and a dozen


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roses waiting at his door.A Cop goes for a haircut and he also goes to paythe Barber and the barber replies:'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I amdoing a Community Service'.

The Cop is happy and leaves the shop.The next morning when the Barber goes to openhis shop, there is a Thank you Card and a dozenDonuts waiting at his door.

A Desi Software Engineer goes for a haircut and healso goes to pay the Barber and barber replies;'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I amdoing a Community Service'.

The next morning when the Barber goes to openhis shop, guess what he finds there -

A Dozen Desis waiting for a free Haircut......

Shaadi

Shaadi ke pehle - Maine Pyar KiyaShaadi ke baad - Ye Maine Kya Kiya?Shaadi ke pehle - Kuch Kuch Hota HaiShaadi ke baad - Kuch Nahi Hota HaiShaadi ke pehle - Dil To Pagal HaiShaadi ke baad - Dil To Pagal ThaShaadi ke pehle - Ek Duje Ke LiyeShaadi ke baad - Sirf Bachcho Ke LiyeShaadi ke pehle - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le JayengeShaadi ke baad - Baaki Log Sukhi Ho Jayenge

Shaadi ke pehle - ChandramukhiShaadi ke baad - Jwaalamukhi


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Shaadi ke pehle - Kuwara BaapShaadi ke baad - Bechara BaapShaadi ke pehle - TitanicShaadi ke baad -MortgageShaadi ke pehle - Hum Aapke Hai Koun?Shaadi ke baad - Barbadi Ka KaaranShaadi ke pehle - Yes Boss:-)Shaadi ke baad - Yes Boss:-(Shaadi ke pehle - Mere Sapno Ki RaniShaadi ke baad - Chutki Ki AmmaShaadi ke pehle - Kabhi KabhiShaadi ke baad - If you are luckyShaadi ke pehle - Aao Pyar KarenShaadi ke baad - Aur Bhi Kuch Kaam Karen?

Laloo the Prime Minister

Laloo becomes PM (if you haven't cut your throatyet, read on) and goes to Pakistan for aone-on-one with Nawaz Sharif. They decide tomeet without aides and are closeted for about 5minutes.

Laloo then emerges from the room. Reportersclamour for a statement. "Nawazbhai will make theannouncement" is all Laloo says.

Nawaz Sharif comes out and drops a bombshell -Pakistan has decided to give up all claims onKashmir, with no strings attached!

The world is stunned. Laloo has achieved in 5

minutes what others had failed to in 50 years!


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How did you do it, what did you promise, the pressclamours.

"Sab Akai-waalon ka kamaal hai," says Laloo. "Wohkehte hain na, TV loge tho fridge free doonga,video khareedein to cellphone free... tho ham bhi

Nawazbhai se keh diye: "aapko Kashmir chaahiyena? Le jaayie. Magar saath mein bihar free milega,

bas!"Laloo's speechExcerpt from a Laloo Prasad Yadav Speech (it wasreally said by him)

Laloo and the Japanese DelegationLaloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a JapaneseDelegation for Business Development to Bihar. The

Japanese Emissary was quite impressed with Biharand he stated, "Bihar is an excellent state.Give us three years and we will turn it into aneconomic superpower like Japan."Laloo was very surprised. "You Japanese are veryinepicient," he stated. "Give me three days andI will turn Japan into the next Bihar!"

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Bihari Babu Jokes

A Bihari went to a cigarette shop and asked: Bhaiek Will dena, so the guy selling the cigarettesy the name of Will, it is Wills, but the Bihari insistedand said I want one Will, so the persontold him unless you say it correctly i.e Wills I won'tsell it to you, so the Bihari went mad andsaid "Hum ek hi to maang rahen hain pura packet

to nahin maang rahen hain"

The Most Intelligent Person: Laloo!

Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi, a saint and aschoolboy were travelling by a private plane.Suddenly the engine caught fire and the pilot

came out shouting,"This plane is going to crash!And we have only four parachutes and there arefive of us in the plane. Since I am a veryimportant pilot I am taking one parachute andgetting out of here." Saying this he rushedto the luggage area grabbed one parachute and

jumped off the plane.

Sonia Gandhi said,"Since I am the future PrimeMinister of India I am very important and have tolive!" She also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

Laloo Yadav said,"I am the king-maker of thiscountry, the most honest politician of India and

above all the most intelligent person livingin this country, and the most intelligent person

must live!" Saying so Laloo went to theluggage area, grabbed one and jumped off the

plane.


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The old saint said to the school boy, "There is onlyone parachute left, and there are two of us.I am an old man and don't need to live any more.

You take the last parachute and jump."The school boy said,"Don't worry! There are stilltwo parachutes left with us! The mostintelligent person, Laloo Yadav, jumped off the

plane with my school bag!"Top

Special Laloo Postage Stamp!

When Lalloo completed 25 years of his rule overBihar, he wanted a special postage stamp issued,with his picture on it. He so instructed Rabridevi,stressing that it should be of international quality.

The stamps were duly released, and Lalloo waspleased.

But within a couple of days of release of the stamp,he began hearing complaints that the stamp wasnot sticking properly, and became furious. Hecalled Rabri and ordered her to investigate thematter. Rabri checked the matter out at severalpost offices, and then reported on the problem toLallo Prasad.She said: "The stamp is really of internationalquality. The problem is, our people are spitting onthe wrong side!"

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Santa and Banta Singh at Laloo's house forDinner!

Laloo and Raabri had Santa and Banta Singh overfor dinner at the their house in Bihar. In the middleof dinner, Santa excused himself to use thebathroom. After a couple of minutes, he cameback. They finished dinner and left.

On the way home, Santa turned to Banta and said,"Did you know Laloo has got a solid gold urinal inhis bathroom?" How can we tell the our people ,we are serious about cutting the budget when theCM has a solid-gold urinal?"

Banta said, "there must be some mistake, I'll callRaabri when we get home and find out. "

They get home and Banta calls Raabri and says "Isit true that Laloo has a solid gold urnial in hisbathroom" Raabri put her hand over the receiverand says, "Laloo! I found out who peed in yoursaxphone.!!"

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Vajpayee & Nawaz

In order to develop friendly relationship betweenthe two countries, Vajpayee and Nawaz Sharifdecided to visit each other's country regularly.

The first visit was by Vajpayee to Pakistan. ThereSharif showed him Pakistan's modern tele -


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communication systems. It was so good thatVajpayee made a call to Rajiv Gandhi in hell andtalked to him for 5 minutes! The bill for the callcame to only Re.1.When Vajpayee came back, he also wanted India's

telecommunication systems to be at the best whenNawaz Sharif visited India. Suitable arrangementswere made. Sharif came to India, visited thetelecom department and talked to Zia-ul-Haq inhell for 5 minutes. But this time, the bill was Rs.500!Sharif asked with a sarcastic smile - "Why are

telephone calls to hell so costly in India ?"A High level diplomat gave a smiling reply - "From

Pakistan to hell, it is a local call, Sir, while fromIndia it is long distance!"

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Jayalalitha

A man is on his way home from work one afternoonin Chennai. He's stopped in traffic and thinks,"Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual; we'renot even moving." He notices a police officerwalking down the highway in between the cars andhe rolls down his window and says,"Excuse meofficer, what's the hold up?"

"Jayalalitha just found out the verdict, and she's alldepressed. She's lying down in the middle of thehighway and she's threatening to douse herself in

gasoline and light herself on fire. She just doesn't


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have Rs.85 Crores for the tax dues. I'm walkingaround taking up a collection for her."

The man says, "Oh really, how much have you gotso far.""So far....ten litres."

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Vajpayee's quote on the Gandhi family

This is one of the many laughable statements thatMr. Atal Behari Vajpayee has said during hislifetime.Smt. Indira Gandhi ke do bete the.Ek ko desh chalane ka showk tha.Usne ek baar plane chalaya aur plane ko gira diya.Doosre ko plane chalane ka showk tha.Usne ek baar desh chalaya aur desh ko gira diya.

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Gyani Zail Singh and Reagan!

Gyani Zail Singh went to the US & had a meetingwith Reagan. Reagan said, "I want to show you theadvancement in technology in USA. Come withme."Reagan takes him in a deep forest and says. "Digthe ground."

Zail Singh digs.Reagan says, "More, more, more..."


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Zail Singh has now reached a 100 feet.Reagan says, "So now, did you find anything?"Zail Singh, "I got a wire!"Reagan says, "You see, it shows that even 200years ago we used to have telephones!"

Zail Singh was very frustrated and he invitedReagan to India.In India GyaniJi says, "Now I want to show you theadvancement in India!"He takes Reagan to a forest and ask him to dig.After some time GyaniJi says, "More. .. more...more!"Reagan has now reached almost 400 feet.Zail Singh says, "Find anything?"Reagan tries but finds nothing, "Nothing here!"GyaniJi says, "You see even 400 years ago we hadgone WIRELESS!"

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A Gujju Spesal !

Q) Why did George Bush had the gujju beaten?A) The gujju told George Bush "You are anIMPOTENT man"Q) Why won't the gujju jeweller sell anything tothe UP ka bhayiya?A) The bhayiya kept giving gujju a bunch of haireach time the gujju asked for KESH.

Q) What will a Gujju tell a tomato, coming last in atomato race? (in case of one)


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A) Tomato KETCHUP.Q) Why did the gujju go to Rome ?A) He wanted to listen to POPE music.Q) Why did the gujju go to London?A) To see BIG BEHN.Q) What did the Gujju mean when he said,"Ramesh no dikro STATES ma gayon" ?A) Ramesh's son failed in statistics...Q) Why was the gujju stacking up 1 cent coins onthe day before exams ?A) He wanted to get "cent-par-cent" .Q) What did the Gujju have in the morning?A) LIGHT SNAKES for breakfast.Q) Did you know that Gujarati students are goingto start a fraternity?A) They named it Rho Beta Rho.Q) Why did the gujjus take 50 paise when theywent to watch "GANDHI"?A) They read Atten( 8 annas)-bourough in thecredits.Q) Why did the gujju think Gandhi was acted by awoman in "GANDHI"?A) They read Ben( behn) Kingsley did the acting.

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Other Regional Jokes

Maharastrian jokes ( A little knowledge of Marathimight help )Q : What do you call a Maharashtrian in the U.S.?A : Western Ghati.

Q : What does a Maharashtrian mean by "fastfood"?A : Sabudana Khichdi.

Q : What do you call a Maharashtrian who makesair-conditioners?A : Cool-karni.

Q : Which is the highest office occupied byMaharashtrians in the U.S.A.?A : That of the Vice-President - Dan Quayle(Kale) &Al Gore. :

Mumbai-ite jokes :-Q : How come the Bombay Ranji team has somany fast bowlers?A : West Indians are natural fast bowlers.

Q : How do dogs in Dombivli (place near Bombay)wag their tails?A : Up & down. Because, they don't have enoughspace to wag sideways.

Q : What did one tamarind in a sack tell itsneighbour?A : "I feel as if I am travelling in a Bombay local".


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Bong jokes ( no knowledge of Bengali reqd ):-:Q : How does the Bong learn the alphabet?A : A for Orange, B for Bhegetable.... :

Q : How does a Bong relax in the evening?A : He goes to the Howrah Breez to get some Brij.

Q : What does the Bong do first in the morning?A : After baking up from hees slip, he removes thebed-shit.

Delhi-ite jokes :-Q : Red-line private buses are notorious for theirrecklessness and hit rate. When a red-line bus is onthe road, which is the best place be in?A : Inside the bus.

A sardarji ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if heshould cut it in six or twelve pieces."Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to flyto Amritsar?""Just a sec," says the rep. "Thank you." says theSardarji and hangs up.

Sardarji #1: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"Sardarji #2: "No, who wrote it?"


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Q: So this sardarji is walking the other day andcomes across a banana peel on the road. Can youguess what he must be thinking ?A: "Saala aaj bhi girna padega..."

Q: Why did the sardarji stare at the frozen OrangeJuice Can for 2 hours?A: Because it said 'concentrate'.

Q: What did the sardarji do when he noticed thatsomeone had already written on the overheadtransparency?A: He turned it over and used the other side.

Q: Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?A: Because below 18 was not allowed !!!

Q: What about the sardarji whose wife gave birthto twins?A: Her husband is out looking for the other man.

Q: How can you recognize a surd in a submarine?A: He is the one with the parachute on his back.

Q: A sardarji going to London on a plane, how canyou steal his window seat?A: Tell him the seats that are going to London areall in the middle row


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Q: What do you do when a Sardarji throws a pin atyou?A: Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in hismouth.

Q: How do you make a sardarji laugh on Saturday?A: Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

Q: What is the sardarji doing when he holds hishands tightly over his ears?A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: Why do sardarjis work seven days a week?A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

Q: How do you confuse a sardarji?A: You don't. They're born that way.

Q: How do you keep a sardarji in suspense?A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)

Q: How do you keep a sardarji busy?A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a pieceof paper.

Q: Why can't sardarjis make ice cubes?A: They always forget the recipe.

Q: How did the sardarji try to kill the bird?


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A: He threw it off a cliff

Q: What's the difference between a sardarji and acomputer?A: You only have to punch information into acomputer once.

Q: Why do men like sardarji jokes??A: Because they can understand them.

Q: What does a sardarji say when you ask him if hisblinker is on?A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.

Q: What do you get when you offer a sardarji apenny for his thoughts?A: Change.

Q: What do you call 10 sardarjis standing ear toear?A: A wind tunnel.

Q: What do you call a sardarji in an institution ofhigher learning?A: A visitor.

Q: What do you call a sardarji with half a brain?A: Gifted!


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Q: What do you call a sardarji in a tree with a briefcase?A: Branch Manager.

Q: Whats the difference between a sardarji and aSupermarket Trolley ?A: A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

Q: Some one asked if a sardarji believed insmoking.A: He said "Yes, I've seen it done."

Q: Why did recently Santa & Banta get injuredwhen they tried to send a letter bomb?A: In order to be modern they wanted to send thebomb by fax.

Q: Why do Sardars always smile during lightningstorms?A: They think their picture is being taken.

Q: Why do sardars have "TGIF" written on theirshoes?A: Toes Go In First.

Q: How can you tell when a sardar sends you afax?A: It has a stamp on it.

Q: Why can't sardars dial 911?


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A: They can not find the eleven on the phone.

Q: How do you get a sardar on the roof?A: Tell him the drinks are on the house.

Q: What do smart sardars and UFOs have incommon?A: You always hear about them but you never seethem.

Q: Why does it take longer to build a sardarsnowman as opposed to a regular one?A: You have to hollow out the head.

Q: How do you keep a Surd busy all day?A: Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in thecorner.

Q: What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer ?A: Just-beer Singh. ('t' silent)

Q: What do you call a sardar who has only onedrink ?A: Just-one Singh.

Q: A female Khalistan terrorist?A: Hard Kaur.

Q: A famous Khalistani profession?


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A: Jarnailism.

Q: khalistan history ..A: SARSON-DA-SAGA

Q: the great wall of khalistan ..A: LONG-O-WALL

Q: national dish of khalistan ..A: AKALI-DAAL

Q: the dirty drain of khalistan ..A: BAR-NALA

Q: a sikh scuba diver ..A: JULL-UNDER SINGH

Q: a better adapted sikh diver ..A: JULLUNDER SINGH GILL

Q: a bald sardarjee ..A: BAL-WANT SINGH

The Sardarji doctor was so afraid of bacteria, thathe cooked his ice-cubes before he put them in hisdrink.


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The Sardarji Doctor to his patient: "It`s veryimportant that you take this medicine exactly 30minutes before you feel the pain."

There were these Sardarji twins who looked soincredibly alike, that sometimes they borrowedmoney from each other without the other reallyknowing about it.

Then there`s the one about the Sardarji whobrought his binoculars to a funeral where theywere going to bury a distant relative

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