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BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 2
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 2
CHAPTER ONE – 1930
War Memorial
His father sat him astraddle the cannon barrel and shouted, "Boom! Boom!
Barrooom! Now how's that, Jamie Boy?" The boy was afraid of the height and gripped
the cold gray steel with bare legs and arms.
"Take me down. Daddy."
"Hang on, Boy! Hang on."
He clung to it, but the barrel seemed to turn. Maybe it was tilting, and he would
fall and hit his head on the cement corner posts of the monument. Or maybe the cannon
would start to roll away on its big iron wheels, down the steps where he would fall and
be crushed.
His father's head was at his knee, and the boy looked down and back at his
father’s brown curls scrunched under the sweatband of his tweed cap. "I've got you over
a barrel, haven't I?" the father said, watching his son and laughing the high-pitched way
the Irish do, out of the throat instead of the chest or the stomach. But his hands didn't
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 3
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 3
touch the boy, and the boy was afraid to reach out. He wondered if his father would
catch him as he started to fall, or catch him at the last moment, or not at all.
"Take me down. Daddy, please?"
"Hang on, my boy."
"Can't I get down?"
"Not yet. What's the matter with you anyhow? Most boys would be having the
time of their life up there, ridin' high. Why, this is a famous cannon what went with the
brigade to fight in the trenches of Europe in eighteen. Think of it ; this machine's been
'round the world, killed men, most likely, blasted the enemy to smithereens."
"It's cold."
"Ah, cold is it?"
"Yes, and my skin sticks to it ."
"Don't be a sissy fellah," he said, and his hand dipped into his shirt pocket for
the pack of Lucky cigarettes there. "Cold, you say? I'm thinking maybe it 's something
else. You're not scared up there are you, my big boy? My boy wouldn't be scared."
"I'm not scared."
The father fished a kitchen match from his pants pocket, brushed off the blue lint
fuzz and struck it against the cannon barrel near the boy's leg. The acrid smoke puffed
up, and a fuming brown stain scarred the gray paint of the barrel. "Did you ever see a
match burn twice?" he asked after lighting his cigarette.
"No, it can't," said the boy.
"Sure it can." He pursed his lips and blew out the match, keeping his eyes on the
boy all the while. Even with the match out he kept on blowing so ftly, and the boy
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 4
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 4
wondered if that was part of the trick, and became very interested. Then the father
shook himself and said, "No, that wouldn't be fair to you."
"Won't it work, Daddy?"
"Now, listen to me. That's an old trick about the match burning twice. Don't you
fall for it. The match burns twice all right - once when it's lit and again when the fellow
touches it to your hand." He gestured with the match toward a red welt on the back of
his left hand. "Don't let anybody pull that trick on you. Do you follow me?"
"I guess so."
"Well, then you don't have to be a patsy for that one. There's enough tricks
waiting for you out there the way it is." He spoke with the cigarette bobbing between
his lips, squinting when the smoke curled over his lip, up his cheek, and into his right
eye. When the father squinted that way it reminded the boy of pirates and Mexican
bandits from all of the movies he'd ever seen.
"Would you do it now?" the boy asked.
"Do what? Take you down? In a bit; we have to wait for your Mum and the
camera. She'll be back soon."
"No, I mean make the match burn again."
"What? I can't now," said the pirate, testing the charcoal tip between his fingers.
"Why not? You said you could."
"It's cold, don't you see?" insisted the bandit, touching the match to the boy's
bare leg just above the knee where it left a mean black smudge.
"Don't," whimpered the boy, but it was done, and he wanted to brush it off, but
he wouldn't release his grip on the cannon barrel. He could feel his tears and tight throat
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 5
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 5
muscles as he squeezed himself dry-eyed. Because, if he cried, he knew his father
would never show him the trick. Father was already angry, and crying always made it
worse. "Daddy, will you show me how to do the trick? Show me how to light the match
again, please."
"Don't be a dummy. You can't light a match a second time."
"You said you could."
"I said I could make it burn twice. Don't you ever listen?" His voice got insistent
and both eyes were squinting. "By God, you can't teach 'em with kindness, just like my
old man always said. You'll have to learn it the hard way." He threw the match down
and ground it in with his shoe and turned away and took a deep drag on his cigarette
and went over and sat down on one of the four corner posts of t he cannon platform. He
looked back at the boy once and shook his head and stared off over the grass to the
border of trees at the edge of the park, maybe to the clouds and the patch of pale blue
sky beyond. He often went away like that.
The boy shivered lower on the barrel. A damp breeze blew across the close-
cropped grass in the park and chilled him even more. It was really too late in the season
for his little sailor suit with the white shorts, the short sleeved tunic, the jaunty white
hat. Then the boy got to wondering when mother would come, and also where they kept
the bullets for his cannon, and he was looking about for them when he saw his mother
in grandma's red fox collar returning from the car, smiling, carrying the Kodak folding
camera, and waving to him.
Mother put the sun behind her, popped the bellows of the camera and looked
down into the view finder. Tilting from side to side, she wobbled into position across
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 6
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 6
the grass, aligning the top of the boy's head and the muzzle of the cannon with the edge
of the ground glass cross in the view finder.
"Daddy," she called to the father, "come in next to my sailor boy."
And the father, with his big loose smile full of tobacco-stained teeth, put his
hand on the cannon barrel next to the boy, covering the sulphurous scar, and the mother
called, "Sweetie Bun, heads up!" Then she had both of them in her sights. She pressed
the shutter, and they shrank to pale, flat ghosts in her box.
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 7
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 7
CHAPTER TWO – 1940
The Veteran
He felt the pressure of the seat against his butt and shoulders, felt the controls
quiver in his hand, felt the vibrations of engine and sound as his DeHavilland D.H. 4
rolled left, the prop clawing for every inch of speed, the vibration of the bi -wings and
struts through the spars telling him to ease off the throttle before... but the German was
in his sights now, silhouetted through the blur of prop and he gave three short bursts on
the Vickers machinegun and then a long burst, touched the rudder, let the plane yaw
slightly so the stream of hot lead sliced across the fuselage of the Fokker E. One -
Eleven, saw the pilot slump, the nose dip, the black smoke obscure the iron cross, heard
the screaming howl of defeat in the plunge to earth, felt himself relax for a moment,
sink back into the seat and breathe deeply as his plane soared heavenward in victory.
Within a week he was skip-bombing the U-boat pens at Trondheim. Flack
corroded the sky, German gunners frantic behind the pom-pom counterpoint of ack-ack
guns. His P-47 Thunderbolt skimmed the water, throttle wide open; he flew it with one
hand on the controls, the other on the bomb release. This time there was a dry, bitter
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 8
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 8
taste in his mouth and the knowledge that doing the job right meant he wouldn't mak e it
back to base. Then he took a hit, felt the fatal piercing of his side, took his hand from
the bomb release and touched himself just below the left rib cage, saw the fingers come
away dark and sticky, knew he'd bought it.
His mouth gasped for air and then he sealed it shut, the teeth tight and
determined, and held the plane there, sixty feet off the water, dead center on the dark
slit beneath the reinforced concrete where the subs hid, wiped the haze from his eyes,
bombs loose, dead on, percussion, percussion, eruption of flame, and chaos at the heart
of the Reich.
His next time out he saw his wing man, an old buddy, get his over the Solomons
when the squadron of Jap Zeroes came peeling in out of the sun. He fought that battle
with tears in his eyes and an ache in his throat that lasted through the final chorus of the
Marine hymn and stayed with him as he stumbled exhausted and trance-like through the
doors of the Hippodrome Movie Palace and into the warm spring night of his home
town. He was a survivor of many such battles and knew all of those things that war
might have been, and knew the stuff he was made of, knew with certainty his heroic
capacity if fortune favored him with the call to arms.
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 10
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 10
CHAPTER THREE
Enlistees
They stood naked, except for their shorts and shoes and socks and the numbered
tags on strings around their necks, sixty-three of them around three sides of the room.
They were quiet and did not move except to shift the weight from one leg to the other .
If one dared speak or move about, the others looked at him and his nakedness, so they
quickly became uniformly silent, and if they moved at all it was slightly and slowly so
they could remain nudely anonymous.
Traces of identity clung to their feet: one pair of calf-length cowboy boots with
red, green, and yellow floral pattern, one pair of two-tone black and white wingtips,
three pairs of engineer's boots; fourteen pairs of tennis shoes. Several brown scotch-
grain brogues, one pair with colored plaid laces. Four pairs of blue suede shoes. The
black recruits with black shoes would have been the least conspicuous, except that they
were black, and one of them had yellow socks. The numbers on the metal-edged white
discs hanging like scapular medals from each neck were not legible from across the
room.
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 11
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 11
July, eight in the morning, the room warm with yesterday's heat. The windows
open slightly at the top, the glass opaqued green to prevent their nudit y escaping to the
streets of Kansas City two stories below.
The sun filtered through the green windows and it was like being underwater or
in the jungle, the light marine or arboreal, but not normal, soft to the eye, not too
revealing. They waited.
One shaft of sunlight penetrated the room through a four by six inch pane of
clear glass, the only one of its kind among all the windows. The beam created a bright
trapezoid on the gray, blue and green tiles of the checkerboard floor.
Around three sides of the floor, along the walls, the stripped-down figures
hovered: The farm boys (dusty brogues) from Kansas and Missouri, dark of face and
forearm or dark from the waist up, but otherwise their muscles bulging white like hard -
boiled eggs. Eleven Mediterranean types, dark, curly hair from temple to crotch. The
quondam lifeguard, gold and lovely. All the same age, straight eighteen, except for the
stud in his twenties.
The sergeant entered the room and stood so that his feet touched the sunny
trapezoid. His shoes glinted in the sun. Without having to think he barked in a rapid flat
clipped monotone: "Give me your attention. While your preliminary forms are being
processed, the medical staff will give you a preliminary physical to include lungs,
physique, genitals, hernia and anus. The respiratory, pulmonary, and cardiac
examination will be conducted by Captain Ross and the first team. Answer any
questions put to you clearly, distinctly, and accurately. Falsifying a military medical
record is a court-martial offense.
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 12
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 12
"The second team is directed by Captain Petosa. Among other things, he will
examine for venereal infections. To assist him in this you will observe the following
procedures: At the Captain's approach, drop your shorts to your ankles; take your penis
between thumb and forefinger and slide the foreskin back to fully reveal the head of the
penis. At the Captain's instruction squeeze lightly and slide the thumb and forefinger
forward to reveal any discharge. Following that, you will stand erect, turn your head to
the side, and, at the Captain's order, cough.
"Captain Sherman directs the third team. At his approach stand erect with normal
posture. At his command turn and face the wall, maintaining normal posture. When he
orders you to bend and spread your cheeks, you will lean forward, grasp your buttocks
with both hands from the back and pull them apart. You will hold that position until he
has finished the anal inspection. When the third team has finished, you will dress, move
immediately to the door on this side and enter without knocking. There, urine and blood
samples will be taken and you will return through the other door to this room and take
your same position. There will be no smoking or talking. Are there any questions?"
A pair of tennis shoes from the corner asked, "Sir, what's an anal inspection?"
"The captain is going to look at your asshole. If you've got more than one, the
Air Force won't take you." The sergeant paused and glanced at the papers in his hand.
"You may not make it. But you can still try the Navy. Are there any other questions?"
His last words were lost among the nervous snickers along three walls. Without waiting
for further comment, he pivoted out of the sunspot and marched from the room.
There was more waiting and a restless silence while the sunspot crept slowly
across the floor towards the southeast, gradually changing shape. Then the teams
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 13
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 13
entered, the white-coated doctors, the orderlies, the clerks with the clipboards, and each
nude became a number. Captain-doctor Ross calling out routinely, "Twenty-nine... take
a deep breath... clear...have you ever had...?...normal," all impersonal, his eyes almost
vacant, his stethoscope and ears searching and knowing, so that each youth was but a
breath and beat to him. "Number thirty-seven...ever had rheumatic fever, shortness of
breath, fainting spells?... irregular...," he pursued the whispers and thumps of life
around the wall, like one of the blind men with the elephant.
Behind him came Captain Petosa, short, dark, impassively peering at genitals,
"Twenty-two... pull the foreskin back all the way... negative...," finger behind the
scrotum and, like Hercules, he lifted them easily to their tiptoes, "...turn your head and
cough...." It was too routine a job for a man of his intensity, so anything unusual...,
"Why did you shave your pubic hair?"
"I had a rash, sir."
"...What kind of rash?..."
"Just a rash, sir. The doctor told me to shave it and wash regularly and put some
salve on it, I don't remember what kind. It's all gone now. I haven't shaved for over a
week."
"Ever had sexual relations with a woman...?"
Military-record-court-martial-offense: "No, sir," softly.
"...With a man?..."
Lousy sonofabitch! "No, sir," firmly, reddening.
"...Make a note that I want to pull his records...Turn your head..."
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 14
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 14
"Thirteen... Spread your cheeks...," came Captain Sherman. "Tags on
thirteen...Tags on fourteen...Tags on...," The roundel filled, the chant, the litany, the
chorus grew:
"Seventeen...breath..."
"Fifty...cough..."
"Nineteen...spread..."
"...Have you ever had...?"
"...normal..."
"... irregular..."
"Deviated septum."
"Tags on thirty-three."
"Turn and face..."
"Fifty-five..."
"Sixty-three..."
"Sixty-three..."
"Sixty-three."
And having now numbers and the breath of life and pulse and gender confirmed,
the ability to urinate, defecate, bleed and conform, they were clothed again and named:
"Ackerman!"
"Walter J."
"Over here, Ackerman," pointed the sergeant. "Face that way and stand at
attention." Ackerman on a gray square.
"Adair!"
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 15
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 15
"George C."
"In next to Ackerman. Put up your right arm and move in next to him until your
fingers touch his shoulder. All right. The rest of you, look at Adair here...get your arm
up, Adair!...when you step into rank, you put your arm up and get your distance and
then you drop it. Put your arm down, Adair. Anderson..."
"Harold M."
"Ashley!...Biggs!..."
"Andrew J."
"Orville, R.," arms up and the distance found, toes along the tile line, boot by
brogue.
"Emans!...Fabrizio!...Findlay!...Funk!" They fall out along the wall and click
into place in the ranks, magnetically aligned.
"Kantor!...Keith!...Knox!...Lowenthal!... Murphy!...Nagley!...Nash!" Not a Smith
in the group, but two Williamses and the man who would always be last:
"Zylos!"
"Michael K."
"The rest of you..." A doubtful forty remained along the wall; the sergeant
tucked his clipboard under his arm. "...whose names I didn't call will report back to the
reception area. Use the door on the left. This doesn't mean that you are rejected,
necessarily, but there is either some discrepancy in your records, or further medical
testing is required. The corporal at the desk who assigned you your numbers will tell
you what's expected of you, or advise you if you've failed the physica l." Nine pairs of
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 16
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 16
tennis shoes exited left, and the black and white wing-tips, and one blue suede shoes,
and the pubic shave, and a blur of brown and black and the golden lifeguard, too.
The other twenty-three, in pride, filed out right, where their minds would be
measured and their aptitudes tested. By the end of the day….
"I can't believe it! Just the five of us made it out of the whole damn group?"
"I guess so."
"Shit, man, we lucked out!"
"The other poor bastards! Did you hear the one guy, the one who had the steel
plate in his head? No shit, a steel plate! He put it down in his records, but they didn't
catch it right away. This was the fourth time he tried to enlist in the Air Force and he
thought he had it made. His voice sounded like he was gonna cry!"
"The poor son of a bitch, but whataya expect if they only take five out of fifty?"
"Sixty-three! There was sixty-three when we started this morning."
"I don't understand how come so many failed the physical. I mean, I'm only
about average, right? And a lot of those guys looked pretty good to me. I'm almost
skinny, you might say."
"There may be others."
"No way. We are the chosen ones, the wholly-only handful. Our ass belongs to
Uncle Samuel, soon as we sign and swear."
"It never occurred to me I might not get in. Christ, I said goodbye to everybody
and quit my job. They gave me a going away party. How would you like to go back and
tell them the Air Force turned you down? I'd feel stupid as hell."
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 17
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 17
"Right, you'd think with a war going on the Air Force would take almost
anybody."
"What war?"
"Yeah, whataya talking about a war?"
"The war in Korea! It's been going on for a month. Don't you know about it?"
"No, I never heard of it."
"Where’s Korea? What kind of war is it?"
"Oh, baby, where you been?"
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 18
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 18
CHAPTER FOUR - Billeting
"Barracks orderly!" The voice came from above where the loud. speaker hung
over the double doors of the barracks’ main entrance where the barracks guard was
posted.
"Barracks orderly!"
"Yes, sir?"
"Barracks orderly!" The volume was up and the speaker in the intercom vibrated.
"Yes, sir. I'm here."
"You were sleeping, private!"
"No, sir!"
"It's a court-martial-offense-punishable-by-death to sleep on your post."
"I wasn't sleeping, sir."
"Give me your name, rank, and serial number."
"Baumgarten, Francis, Private, AF176370128, sir."
"Francis? That's a girl's name! Are you a cute girl, Francis?"
"No, sir."
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 19
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 19
"You sound like a little sweetheart. What time is it, Francis?"
"6:15, sir."
"No, Francis, it 's 0615 hours. Is your barracks up, Francis?"
"No, sir."
"Well, Private Bumgardner, the log sheet says I called you at 0600 hours..."
"No, sir, you didn't..."
"The training schedule says your flight is due at the mess hall at 0630 hours. And
if they're late, they don't get chow, and it's your ass, Francis, sweetie! Now, roust 'em
out! Call your flight leader! MOVE IT, PRIVATE! MOVE IT! MOVE IT!"
Lack land Ai r Force Base
July 18 , 1950
Dear Pop , Mom and a l l the res t ,
I am here and O.K. so far . I te l l you i t ' s ho t
here , even for Texas . Seems l ike they wa i t t i l
the hot tes t o ld part o f the day to march us up
and down the b lacktop . Some o f these Yankees
dont take i t too good , tha ts for sure , somes
sun burnd and got crak ed l ips . They are f rom
a l l over - S t . Louis , Kansas Ci ty , ev en New
York . I ts no t too bad tho most o f these f e l lows
i s pretty nice but I dont think i ts f a i r when
they make fun o f Texas . I te l l them a l l Texas
wasn' t l ike this . And even i f i t was c i ty s lums
is worse . Least thats my fee l ings .
Hope you l ike the p ic ture on the ca rd .
Your son,
Hank
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 20
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 20
"Column, right...hARCH! Hut, tuh, thruie, foh,yor lehlft, ryt, lehlft. Sound off!"
ONE, TWO!"
"Sound off!"
"THREE, FOUR."
"Cadence count."
"ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR...ONETWO...THREEFOUR!"
"Sing out, Glllespie!"
"AROUND HER NECK SHE WORE A YELLOW RIBBON,
SHE WORE IT IN THE SPRINGTIME AND THE MERRY MONTH OF MAY..."
CHORUS: "HAY, HAY!"
"AND WHEN THEY ASKED HER WHY THE HELL SHE WORE IT,
SHE SAID IT'S FOR MY AIRMAN WHO IS FAR, FAR AWAY...!"
CHORUS: "FAR AWAY, FAR AWAY!"
“SHE SAID IT'S FOR MY AIRMAN WHO IS FAR, FAR AWAY."
"'BEHIND THE DOOR HER FATHER KEPT A SHOTGUN,
HE KEPT IT IN THE SPRINGTIME AND THE MERRY MONTH OF MAY...'"
CHORUS: "HAY, HAY!"
"'AND WHEN THEY ASKED HIM WHY THE HELL HE KEPT IT,
HE SAID IT'S FOR HER AIRMAN WHO IS FAR, FAR AWAY...'"
CHORUS: "FAR AWAY, FAR AWAY!"
HE SAID IT'S FOR HER AIRMAN WHO IS FAR, FAR AWAY!"
"'NOW IN HER ARMS SHE ROCKS A BRAND NEW BABY;
SHE ROCKS HIM IN THE SPRINGTIME AND THE MERRY MONTH OF MAY..."
CHORUS: "HAY, HAY!"
"'AND WHEN THEY ASK HER WHERE THE HELL SHE GOT HIM,
SHE SAYS HE'S FROM MY AIRMAN WHO IS FAR, FAR AWAY..."
CHORUS: "FAR AWAY, FAR AWAY!"
OH, SHE SAYS HE'S FROM MY AIRMAN WHO IS FAR, FAR AWAY!"
"Cadence count."
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 21
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 21
"ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR...ONETWO...THREEFOUR!"
Lack land
20 July 1950
Dear Donna,
P lease don' t be mad tha t I d idn ' t wr i te
sooner . I rea l ly wanted to . I hope you know
tha t . I t was jus t that I d idn ' t have any paper
or enve lopes and we weren ' t a l lowed t o l eave
the barracks area for the f i rs t three days .
Fina l ly the f l i gh t serg eant l e t one guy go to the
P .X. fo r a l l o f us , so I was ab le to get this
s ta t ionery
How are things in Murphysboro? I th ink o f
you and the o ld town and everyone, but they
don' t g ive us much chance to think around
here . They ge t us ou t o f bed a t 5 :30 or6 :00
every morning and my f l i ght has to march
everywhere we go . Maybe I should exp la in that
a f l i ght i s a group o f guys l ike me i n bas ic
tra ining that l i ve s in the same bar racks .
The re are seventy o f us i n this b ig two -
story bui ld ing tha t looks l ike a box. From the
second s tory where my bunk is I can see rows
o f barracks . The base mus t be very b ig but I
don ' t know jus t how b ig . The barra cks just has
bunks in i t , doub le -decker o nes , and wa l l
l ockers and foo t lockers . I go t the top bunk
and the guy who s leeps unde r me is Chuck
Terez io . We came toge ther f rom Kansas Ci ty .
Of course we got showers and the
la tr ine . .bathroom.
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 22
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 22
By the way , my address for now is Pvt . J .
J . Ke i th, AF1728 lO41, Fl ight7516 , 336th
Tra ining Squadron, 4720thAir Base Group,
Lack land Ai r Force Base , Texas . You can wri te
to me. I don ' t k now i f they read our mai l o r
not . One guy sa id he thought they d id . P lease
wr i te soon. I would l ike to hear f rom you.
Wel l , they ca l l ed l i gh ts ou t and I go t to go .
I ' l l t ry to wr i te tomorrow and eve ryday l ike I
p romised . I hope you know tha t I would have
wr i t ten sooner i f I could . I wouldn' t want you
to think I 'd found ano the r g i r l - f r i end . Wri te as
soon as you can.
I ' l l te l l you more la ter .
Love and k isses ,
J .J .
P .S. Would you ca l l my mom and te l l her
you heard f rom me and I am O.K.? Te l l he r no t
to worry and I ' l l wr i te tomorrow or soon. And
would you send me a new p ic ture o f yourse l f ,
in a bathing sui t i f you go t one .
AIR FORCE ANTHEM
“OFF WE GO INTO THE WILD BLUE YONDER
RIDING HIGH, INTO THE SKY.....”
ARTICLES OF WAR
........such offense, in time of
war, punishable by death, or such other
punishment as the court shall direct.
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 23
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 23
"Is Jackson gone?"
"Yeah, the sonofabitch is on K.P., and he's gonna come back smelling worse than
ever. What did Corporal Hillis say?"
"He says he'll talk to Jackson and tell him to shower, but he don't want any
official complaints to the C.O.. It'll give him and the flight a bad record."
"It won't do any good. The sonofabitch hates water! I've seen him when he
shaves, he just puts his finger tips into the water to wet his beard, and he sticks his chin
way out over the bowl so it won't drip any on his belly!"
"What a crudhead."
"If the corporal gives him a direct order and he don't obey it he can be court
martialed for failing to obey a direct order."
"No deal. The corporal don't want any demerits against the flight he commands.
He says he'll talk to Jackson, but if that don't do it, then maybe he ought to have a G.I.
shower."
"What's that?"
"It's like a G.I. party, only instead of all the men turning out to scrub the floors,
they scrub the guy who won't shower."
"Wheeo! G.I. soap and G.I. brushes?"
"I'd like to see that."
"God, it would practically kill ya, wouldn't it?
"Oh, I just hope the sonofabitch stays dirty!"
"MAIL CALL!"
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 24
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 24
"Adair?"
"George C., here."
"Apley?"
"Harold O."
"Wait, here's two more."
Lucky shit, he always gets three or four letters.
"Ball?"
"Which one?"
"Karl."
"I'll give it to him."
"Against regulations."
"I'm his brother. He's on K.P."
"I don't care. I give out mail only to the addressee, that's the reg."
"Got any Kenneth Balls?"
"Yeah, here's one."
"Thanks."
Come on, come on. Christ!
"Baumgarten?"
"Right here!"
"First name, middle initial?"
"Francis X."
I'm glad I ain't got a name like that.
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 25
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 25
"All right, hold it down. This is mail call, not a social meeting. When your last
name's called, sound off with your first name and middle initial. Step up he re and get
your mail. And the rest of the time keep your mouth shut! A man can't hear himself
think. Boneavatur?"
"Bonaventure? Louis S.?"
"Yeah."
. . . . ' . . .we were so g lad to hear f rom you and
know tha t you were sa fe and hea l thy . We worry
so when we hea r o f tha t terr ib le wa r in Korea ,
and o f the poor boys dy ing the re , and we
pray . . . '
“Guggenheim!”
' . . . and when I read your las t l e t te r I to ld
Jeannie I c r i ed i t was so mov ing . '
"Halderman?"
"David P."
"You got a handful here."
"There all from my girl."
' I hope you l ike the p ic ture . '
' The weather 's been ho t and dry . '
"Keith?"
'Seat t l es go t i ts ra in aga in. Barney got a
job a t . . . '
"Pitman?"
'About three days a f ter you le f t Grandma
s l ipped on the porch s teps and broke her hip .
The docto r says she ' l l have to be in bed for
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 26
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 26
three to s ix months and wi l l need r egular
a ttent ion. So we have moved her i n to your o ld
room. Your things have a l l been packed in
boxes and s tored in the basement unt i l you
re turn. '
“Wakefield!”
'Dad 's go ing to trade his Fras ier i n on a
DeSoto . '
"Worthington?"
"Anthony L."
' . . . only fa i r to te l l you. I wouldn' t want you
to hear i t f rom somebody e lse . I w i l l a lways
respect you and hope tha t we can s t i l l be
f r i ends . You a re a f ine person and someday I
know you wi l l f ind the r igh t g i r l . . . '
"Young."
#
Gillespie made up lots of marching songs so that Flight 7516 had songs that no
other flight had, and Corporal Hillis, the flight leader, liked that. His flight knew all of
the regular songs, but having their own special songs added to the esprit de corps.
Corporal Hillis rewarded Gillespie by making him assistant flight leader, and Gillespie
responded with songs original and raunchy. One of them went:
“MRS. MURPHY AND HER DAUGHTERS FIVE
WILL BEAT YOUR MEAT 'TIL IT COMES ALIVE,
WILL WHIP YOUR DICK AND WIGGLE YOUR BALLS
AND MAKE YOU COME IN YOUR OVERALLS.”
SOUND OFF...
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 27
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 27
And another one went;
“TWO-TIT NELLIE WAS A PREGNANT BITCH,
HER CUNT WAS ALIVE WITH THE SEVEN-YEAR ITCH;
THE GREEN SLIME OOZED FROM HER NOSE,
AND THE CRAPPY CORRUPTION FLOWED TO HER TOES.”
SOUND OFF...
And since they marched everywhere, to classes, to the medics, to the mess hall,
to the parade ground, to supply, even to the barber shop, they practiced singing like a
homeless choir. When they would meet another flight, marching the o pposite way along
the road. Corporal Hillis would call, "Dress it up in there! Lehlft, rhyt, lehlft. Dig those
heels in and stop that bobbin'! Sing out, Gillespie!" And Gillespie would let loose with
Mrs. Murphy or Two-tit Nellie or one of his other dillles, and they'd lay the chorus on
like ,the world was coming to an end, shouting obscenities into the hot Texas sky.
Of course, the other flight was doing the same thing, but they sang just the
regular songs; only Flight 7516 had Gillespie. As the two flights would come alongside
each other the singing and cadence would clash like two football teams colliding.
Gillespie would hold in there, with the flight backing him up. Soon the other flight
would go to pieces and lose step because their troops would stop singing to listen to
Gillespie's dirty verses. You could see the skipping and bobbing as they went out of
step.
Corporal Hillis would smile at that other flight leader, grinning ear to ear, and
the other guy would set his mouth hard and yell at his fl ight and call them names and
schedule G.I. work parties late into the night.
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 28
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 28
Gillespie was the pride of the flight until officers' wives complained to the base
commander about the vile language, and the order went out and Gillespie was silenced.
9 Augus t 1950
Dear Sis ,
So far the a i r f o rce i sn ' t exact ly what I
expected . I haven ' t even seen an a i rp lane yet ,
l eave a lone f l y . I guess we ' l l hear about our
schoo ls and careers next week . But I ' ve
l earned a lo t , even i n these f ew weeks . And I
don ' t mean jus t how to make a bed and po l i sh
brass or ways to get cour t mar t ia led ( there
must be a thousand ! ) I mean the peop le . There
are peop le here you jus t wouldn ' t b e l i eve .
Some o f the things I can ' t te l l you about.
I t ' s no t that they ' re mi l i tary s ecre ts or
anything . I t ' s jus t that they a re so dumb and
raunchy you want to fo rg et they eve r
happened . But the re are so many o f them every
day you get to think ing that ' s a l l there ever i s ,
and i t s tar ts to get to you. I don ' t want you to
think tha t I 'm depress ed or any thing . I th ink i t
he lps though to be ab le to ta lk about your
thoughts and fee l ings , par t i cular ly to someone
who unders tands, l ike you.
In a way , that 's part o f the prob lem;
around he re I can ' t ta lk honest ly to someone
about the way I f ee l w i thou t them think ing I
was a panty -wa is t o r worse . And I can ' t te l l
Mom and Dad because i t would just make them
worry and I 'm no t sure that they would
unders tand . So i f I te l l you some o f these
things I want you to promise tha t y ou won' t
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 29
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 29
say anything to the f o lks or show them this
l e t te r . In fact , I guess i t would mak e me fee l
bette r i f you would jus t burn i t a f te r you read
i t .
Boy- i t ' s funny. I ' ve been s i t t ing here for
twenty minutes t ry ing to dec ide what i t was I
was go ing to te l l you about, and I r emember a
lo t o f dumb stup id even nasty things , but they
don' t make any sense . I mean none o f them is
worth ta lk ing about. I t ' s l ike i f I to l d you, a l l
you 'd say i s "So wha t? " Because i t ' s not one
thing , i t ' s every thing toge ther . You get i t
twenty - four hours a day . You can' t ge t away
f rom i t . Eve rybody hears cuss wo rds in his
l i f e , but here that 's a l l you ever hear . Peop le
don' t say any thing sens ib le , they just speak a
coup le o f f our - le tte r words to exp la in
everything . And i ts l ike a l l o f the things you
learned be fore don' t count.
Wel l , I 'm go ing to te l l you one thing so you
can unders tand , but don' t be o f f ended . The
o the r day , when we were s tand ing i n formation
out behind the bar racks just a f ter we had had
the Ar t i c l es o f War read to us , the f l i ght
l eader . Corpora l H i l l i s , was say ing , "You 're
a i rmen now, and tha t means your a ss be longs
to Unc le Sam and to me. Be l i e ve i t . When I say
shi t , you drop your pants and you say 'Yes ,
s i r ! How much and what co lor? ' "
You never have any cho ices , not ab out
what you wear, o r where you s leep , or when
you get up , or wha t you ea t . And i f you don' t
l ike something you can ' t ge t away f rom i t .
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 30
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 30
When we go to the mess ha l l we have to s tand
in ranks and f i l e in. Whi le we are wa i t ing we
have to s tand a t parade res t , which is wi t h
your f ee t apar t and your hands c lasped behind
your back . Sometimes we have to s tand l ike
tha t in the sun for f i ve or ten minutes , and the
l i t t l e gnats come up and get around your eyes
and in your ears and nose , but you can' t move
or brush them away or g et away f rom them,
because i f you do the f l i gh t l eader makes you
fa l l out and s tand a t a t ten t ion a t the s ide o f
the wa lk unt i l eve ryone e lse has eaten, and the
bugs s t i l l ge t you anyhow. Tha t sor t o f says i t
a l l .
I t f ee ls l ike you 're i n pr ison, only there 's
no bars . You can ' t say or look or ac t except
the way they want. The best thing i s to no t
s tand out. You lea rn to keep quie t and keep
your thoughts to yourse l f . Camouf l age yourse l f
so the enemy can ' t spo t you, I guess . I don ' t
know how some guys take i t . There i s this k id
f rom New York who s leeps down at the end o f
the barracks . He 's k ind o f a loner , and not
very f r i end ly , sor t o f quie t and moody l ike . Ted
Rosenb lum is his name. We go t put on
rest r i c t ion because o f h im. He can ’ t do
anything r ight .
Anyhow, dur ing the nigh t two or three guys
got up and ur inated in his foo t lock er . Can you
imag ine? A foo t locker i s l ike a t runk wi th a
tray in i t whe re we keep our razo rs and
toothbrushes and shoe po l i sh and shorts and
socks and handkerchie fs and th ings .
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 31
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 31
God, i t was awful , and in the morning the
s tory i s go ing around the barracks whi le
everyone i s ge tt i ng dressed for ro l l ca l l and
everybody wants to see i t . And they are
wonder ing how he i s go ing to get dressed and
s tand inspec t ion and wha t wi l l hap p en i f he
doesn ' t . And you s i t there and think , “God
what would I do i f i t happened to me?”
In some ways the wors t part i s knowing
tha t you d id i t to yourse l f . We a l l enl i s ted , l ike
babes in the woods. I f I l earn as much in the
next four years as I ' ve l earned in these four
weeks , I ' l l rea l ly be something .
Wel l , only three years and 48 weeks more
to go . I 'd l ike to hear f rom you aga in, Sis . Next
t ime I ' l l be over the b lues and te l l y ou about
our t ra ining , or about San Antonio , i f we ever
get a week -end pass .
I l ove you,
Tony
P .S. P lease don' t te l l the fo lks , O.K .?
TIME, August 14, 1950
"WAR IN ASIA"
"On the Hill this Afternoon"
Time Correspondent Frank Givney was in Pusan last
week when the first troops of the U.S. 1st Marine
Division, confident and well-equipped, arrived from the
U.S. and moved out to the front. Later, Givney went up
to join a regiment of the U.S. 4th Infantry Division,
which had been fighting steadily for 31 days. What he
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 32
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 32
saw, a platoon-eye view of the war, gave a very
different picture from sweeping communiqués of how
the Americans were doing in Korea. Givney cabled:
James Shelton, a 21-year- old private from Company
D, 1st Battalion, 19th Infantry Regiment, was
awakened from the sleep of the exhausted by the zing
of Communist bullets over his foxhole. For an hour
before, confident Communist infantrymen, their conical
Russian helmets sticking up like mushrooms through
the early morning mist, had marched along a steep dirt
road to a mountain pass commanding the U.S.
positions. Wakeful U.S. sentries heard the Reds
singing snatches of Communist marching songs as
they pulled an aged, creaking Russian heavy machine
gun up the steepening slope.
"Hey, Lou, you know what a bitch box is?"
"An intercom?"
"Naw, a cunt that talks back to ya! Ahhahahah."
"Shit, Halderman."
"Hey, I made it up myself. Pretty good, hunh?"
Four fucking years! Christ, I'm not going to make it. I
can't stand this crap. There's got to be a way out. Either
O.C.S. or a Section 8 or a medical or something. I'll take
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 33
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 33
anything but a D.D. If I lost any eye or was deaf in one ear,
they'd give me a medical, but it ain't worth that. I could stand
breaking a leg or an arm, but they'd just put me in sick bay and
I'd have to start all over with another flight later on. Shit!
Shit, shit, shit. I could break my own leg; I could do that. But
it's not good enough. It's a good thing this is the Air Force
and not the Army; they say the army's worse. How could the army
be worse? They send you to Korea, that's how it could be worse.
I don't want any part of that shit. I want out. I wonder...if
you lost a finger they would discharge you? I would give a
finger, you bet! You can live without a finger, no sweat. Four
fucking years is worth a finger any day! But not an eye, and...
"Barracks Orderly!" the bitch box blared.
"Yes, sir?"
"Do I hear talking in the barracks?"
"No, sir. All's quiet."
"Well, this is a fire drill! Repeat, 'FIRE DRILL! Lights on! Fall 'em out on the
road. FIRE DRILL! Hit the deck! Hit it! Hit it!"
"Oh, son of AH Bitch!"
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 34
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 34
CHAPTER FIVE – Dog Tags
The barracks were large rectangular two-story wooden boxes. At each end of the
barracks, on the lower bay, were double doors, constantly open in summer to let the
breezes in. On the upper bay there was one double door to the outside, and at the other
end there was the stairwell to the floor below. The breezes flowed cool and gentle down
the center aisles of each bay, between the two-tiered rows of bunks, whispering
sometimes through the bunks and out the open windows behind them.
On each bunk the rough wool khaki blankets stretched tautly across the light bow
of mattress and shallow arch of pillow. At the foot of each bed along the center aisle
hung the olive drab musette bags, and beneath them the olive drab foot lockers. At the
head of the beds along the wall hung the bulging olive drab duffel bags, and at intervals
between the bunks were the olive drab wall lockers.
On Sundays, the new recruits in olive drab fatigues and undershirts rested quietly
among the bunks and lockers writing letters home. The wood barracks, like orchard
trees, had seen many seasons of olive men and gear.
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 35
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 35
The sun-bleached breeze sneaking indoors soaked up the odor of new clothing
and canvas and twill, of shoe polish and blitz rags, of the alkaline yellow G.I. soap with
which the bare timbers of the bay floors had been scrubbed. It was quiet among the
writers.
If there was a burst of energy among some of the young men, their first thought
was to leave the barracks quickly, honoring the meditations of the letter writers. Thus
the talking and scuffling spilled outdoors and spent itself in sports or bull sessions on
the steps, and the silence inside was left intact.
The quietness generated quietness. The radio that belonged to the boy from
Louisiana was muted now, not having to compete with the normal uproar and gabble of
voices and slamming lockers. From the cracked and yellowing plastic grill over the
radio speaker came the groan of hillbilly ballads and country western with a steady
beat, and the nasal, melancholy melody always in the air:
IRENE, GOODNIGHT,
IRENE, GOODNIGHT.
GOODNIGHT, IRENE, GOODNIGHT, IRENE
I'LL SEE YOU IN MY DREAMS.
SOMETIMES I LIVE IN THE COUNTRY ,
SOMETIMES I LIVE IN TOWN,
SOMETIMES I HAVE A GREAT NOTION,
TO JUMP INTO THE RIVER AND DROWN.
IRENE, GOODNIGHT
IRENE, GOODNIGHT
And the song moved like the odors and breezes among the bunks, touching
lightly and disappearing. In fluid percussion a toilet would flush and quickly go silent.
In the shade of the barracks two of the recruits played catch with equipment drawn from
the orderly room. They did not speak, and only the rap and pop of the bal l in the leather
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 36
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 36
pocket of the gloves, thumping with a regular rhythm on the afternoon air, rap like a
muted metronome beat or the slow drop of water, plopping back and forth to the easy
rhythm of muscles repetitively coordinated, plopped and fingers pluck ing, torso turning,
wrist, arm, neck, head, elbow - synchronous, choreographed, and the white sphere
sailing...
Dear Fo lks ,
I hope you have had t ime to think some
more about me jo ining the Ai r Force and aren ' t
too unhappy about i t . I know that d ad wanted
me to work the farm wi th him during the
summer but. . .
It's still kind of funny to call him 'Dad', even after
eight years. I wonder if it sounds phony to them like it does to
me? Roy's tried to be a father, the best he knew how...I give
him credit for that. I tried, too, though, and he's not the
easiest one to work for. Ask Elmer Schlesinger. Maybe I was too
old already. With Warren it's different; he gets along with Roy
O.K. Warren don't much remember the orphanage or how it was.
It was always easier with Vera. Calling her 'Mom' was
always easy. Calling her 'Mom' was like saying, "you're nice. I
like you." I do like her. I still remember the first year Warren
and me was with them. I was ten...I think...
"Are you sick, son?"
"No, Ma'am, not exactly."
"He's got a toothache," said Warren.
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 37
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 37
"Is that it, son?"
"Yes, Ma'am." I almost cried it hurt so much, but I didn't.
I hadn't cried all day. Roy ain't never seen me cry, not even
with the lickings.
"Roy, I do believe his face is swoll on that side. Seems
feverish to me." Her hand cool on the cheek. "I'm goin' to get
the oil of cloves and doctor that just a bit."
She knew her stuff. It did the trick. And then early the
next morning, maybe around two or three, she came into our
bedroom and said I was whimperin' again, and she doctored it
again and crawled in beside me and held me like I was her own
real son. I still remember her with her hair down like it never
was in the daytime, and her long loose white nightgown, and the
way the pain went away. It went away.
She's a good woman, and it's 'cause she loves Roy that it's
hard to go against him. You know she's feeling sorry for him.
That's one good woman.
. . .but Warren is s t i l l there to he lp , and I ' l l
be ab le to send a long a l i t t l e money f rom t ime
to t ime to he lp ou t tha t way . And maybe save
up a l i t t l e fo r Warren and me for schoo l ing .
Af ter a l l , when I 'm out i n four yea rs Warren
wi l l be just ready for co l l ege , and he and me
can go to schoo l together , maybe, and work the
farm too , jus t l ike you p lanned a l l a long .
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 38
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 38
I th ink you and Roy have done a lo t f o r me
and Warren. And I want to thank you. And I
want to l e t you know tha t I don ' t p lan to l e t
you down. I know that Roy wasn' t t oo keen on
me leav ing jus t now. But I th ink i t was for the
best . I can ' t f o rget a l l tha t he taught me, and
I ' l l l earn some thing new here bes id es . And get
my wi ld oats sowed , as he says , so I can set t l e
down when I ge t back . They say tha t we wi l l
ge t to go home on leave a f te r t ra ining schoo l .
None o f us know where we ' l l be s ta t ioned
yet . I guess there i s a war on in Ko rea - And
tha t i s why i t i s ge t t ing c rowded he reabouts .
The new f l i gh ts are l i v ing i n ten ts . We were
lucky to get a barracks when we d id . We a lso
go t our new shoes and boots this week , and
some more shots . I hope the i r about thru.
I t i s s t i l l p len ty ho t . Have you had any ra in
the re? You can t e l l Roy that Mis sour i l ooks
pretty good a f te r Texas . I t don ' t l ook l ike you
could grow much around here excep t o i l we l l s ,
cactus , and wha t they ca l l mesqui te trees .
Te l l War ren he l lo and to wr i te i f he knows
how. Te l l h im to s t i ck to hay ing and leave the
g i r l s a lone . Have you been to any communi ty
d inners la te ly? I miss those tab les l oaded wi th
lo ts o f homemade p ies . We get co ld cuts i n the
mess ha l l on Sunday nights , which is tonight.
Wri te soon as you can.
Love and a l l ,
Marty
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 39
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 39
P.S. Te l l Joe Pr i tchi t to wr i te me i f you see
him. He was ta lk ing about enl i s t ing and theres
some things I could te l l h im.
The game of catch outside the barracks had ended. Sunday was fading into haze.
From the ball diamond down the road a cheer went up, feeble in the evening air, short -
lived, and that game ended.
Groups of three or five or six figures, olive drab and identically dressed,
gravitated toward the uniform rows of light gray barracks, gravitated toward the mess
hall, with its rows of tables and benches and the heavy sweetsour smell of juice and
cold cuts and mops and scrubbed garbage racks and the steam from the dishwashing
machine where the racks of metal trays emerged hot and quickly drying.
STOP YOUR RAMBLIN'
STOP YOUR GAMBLIN'
STOP STAYIN' OUT LATE AT NIGHT.
GO HOME TO YOUR WIFE AND FAMILY,
AND SET BY THE FIRESIDE BRIGHT.
IRENE, GOODNIGHT.
IRENE, GOODNIGHT.
GOODNIGHT, IRENE, GOODNIGHT, IRENE.
I'LL SEE YOU IN MY DREAMS
"Hey, Marty!" yelled J.J. "Want to catch the mess hall 'fore it closes?"
"You bet. Hang on a minute."
Marty scribbled the complex return address on the letter to his folks, and, not yet
sure of his serial number, checked the dog tags around his neck.
PITMAN, MARTIN L. AF18337626, AB.
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 40
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 40
He was pretty much used to it by now, the PITMAN. Before the adoption it had
been Stagner. In school, at first, he had had trouble remembering to write Martin
Pitman instead of Martin Stagner. But now it was legal and stamped in metal on two
tags that clinked a little music every time he moved, and if he was killed in the war they
would take one of the dog tags and leave the other silent around his neck and notify his
folks and send his body home, and on the records and on the tombstone and on the tag
around his neck it would say, PITMAN, MARTIN L. AF18337626, AB, and no one
would know who Martin Stagner was.
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 41
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 41
CHAPTER SIX
The Failed Campaign
"HOR?"
"What?"
"Home of Record!"
"I don't...
"Your permanent home address. Were you living with your parents when you
enlisted?"
"Yeah."
"Then use that address, but when you're given travel allowance to your home of
record, it'll be that address. O.K. let's have it."
"5728 Latona Ave., Seattle, Washington."
"1201 Seventh St., Carbondale, Illinois."
"Route 1, Box 164, Springfield, Missouri."
"6530 Mohawk Lane, El Paso, Texas."
"2812 N. Edith, Tucson, Arizona."
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 42
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 42
"... Alabama...Alabama...Oregon..."
"The next clerk will fill in the rest of the data. Wait over there until your name is
called."
"Name and address of next of kin?"
"Angela Gonzales, 6530 Mohawk Lane, El Paso, Texas."
"Mary Keith, 1316 Hanson Street, Murphysboro, Illinois."
"Lester Courtney, 34 Willow Road, College Station, Maryland."
"Vera Pitman...Naomi Rush...Willard Lonsdale...Bourgmiller, White,
Williams..."
"Previous occupations?"
"Student...None...Grocery clerk...Student... Student... Farmer...None ... Can you
count part-time? ...Exterminator."
"Your test scores are pretty high: APQT- 2(96BI), and your aptitude: AOE Mech
9, Cler 9, Tech 9, EqOpr 7, ...You have a good chance of getting into any service school
you apply for. What's your first choice?"
"How about atomic energy school?"
"Are you twenty-one?"
"No."
"Not eligible. Same for Cadets and OCS unless you'll be twenty-one prior to
graduation?"
"No."
"Well, then, what's your next choice?"
"Radio operator."
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 43
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 43
"Flight mechanic."
"Heavy equipment operator."
"Photographer."
"Photo schools filled for the next three months. You can try photo -interpreter."
"O.K., photo-interpreter. What's that?"
"Radar...Radio...Electronics...Band...Medical ...Clerical...Weapons ..."
"Well, if they won't let you become an actor, how come they ask if you have
theatrical experience?"
"Give me your attention, gentlemen. As Air Force personnel you will be highly
trained technicians performing critical duties within a complex technological system
unequaled in the history of the military. Nevertheless, you must be familiar with the
standard Air Force small arms, the M-l Carbine. You will be expected to qualify..."
Aunt Rena would put 'em all to shame. Better shot than
any man I knowed. Drop a running elk with one shot. Me, and
Cousin Jake and Aunt Rena riding single file along this game
trail that wound through the down timber, with her up ahead,
as usual. Steep country and a lot of tall timber with the
sunlight breaking through here and there. I heard the elk
before I seen them, but not Aunt Rena. She had reined up her
horse and wheeled him so she could dismount on the high
side, and she was swinging clear of the saddle and bringing
her 30-30 out of the scabbard as she come. She hit the
ground, worked the bolt and fired, I swear, without even
aiming, it seemed, and there was this cow elk crashing
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 44
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 44
through the dry branches at least 150 feet away, running and
trying to look back at us, her head high and twisted back,
and that's how she was when the slug hit her just below the
ear. She had been in one of those bright sun-lit spots, and
it was strange to see her there, scared and wall-eyed one
minute, and then wiped out and gone tumbling downhill before
the echo had died on the ridges. Me, I still had both feet
in the stirrups.
"READY ON THE RIGHT...READY ON THE LEFT...READY ON THE FIRING
LINE...
BALL AMMUNITION, LOCK AND LOAD.
COMMENCE FIRING!"
In Texas and Utah, Nebraska and California, in England, Japan and Okinawa,
agents of the CID. or CIA or FBI, left little black boxes in Strategic Air Command
bombers, the B-29s, the B-50s, the B-36s, and left little black boxes in S.A.C. hangars
and S.A.C. communication centers and offices, world-wide. And these agents
telephoned General Curtis E. LeMay, C.G. of S.A.C., and told him of t heir insidious
exercise and their near-perfect execution thereof, and informed him that his bomber
force had been wiped out, theoretically. And the General and his officers checked and
found hundreds of little black boxes, and there was much ass chewed in the halls of
S.A.C. that day.
General LeMay immediately requisitioned three thousand tactical guards from
the Basic Training Unit at Lackland A.F.B., Texas. to be sent to a new training school
in Florida. Top Priority.
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 45
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 45
LeMay's tactical guards would be security specialists and would prevent
infiltration and sabotage on S.A.C. Bases, world-wide, theoretically.
“Air Police! That’s not one of my training choices! What the hell?”
“The whole flight? All of us?”
“Almost.”
“What the fuck! I don’t want to be a goddamn military cop!”
“You got nothing to say about it. They say ‘shit’ and you drop you pants and say
‘How much, Sir?’”
Our Illusion who art in deception,
Hallowed be thy game.
Thy command doth come
Thy Will be done
By every fucking airman!
Chuck Terezio and J. J. Keith bunked together, and it was only natural they
should take their first weekend pass together. They sat now in the cheap, stale, sultry
hotel room in San Antonio with the street sounds trickling through the open window,
drinking Coke and Four Roses bought from a cab driver.
Earlier, before coming to the hotel, they had wandered the August streets of the
city, visited the Alamo, tried a couple of pick-ups, unsuccessfully. Then Chuck Terezio
took charge.
"We don't have to hustle broads on the streets," he said. "We get a room and let
the desk clerk hustle us up a girl."
"That sounds like a good idea to me," said J.J.
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 46
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 46
"God, do you see how many troops there are in this town? There must be ten
guys for every girl."
Terezio stopped in the shade of the awning at the entrance of the Saint Anthony
Hotel. "Want to try this place?" he asked.
"Yeah, why not," said J.J., "but maybe we ought to ask first how much it costs
though. Looks pricey."
"You mean for the room or for the broad?"
"Well, for both. God knows we ain't got enough for no fifty-dollar call girl."
"We'll dicker. Leave it to me." Terezio straightened his back, tugged at his belt,
aligned the bill of his cap and marched through the door of the Saint Anthony. In their
neatly starched and creased Khakis they strode up to the desk clerk. Terezio came
straight to the point, "Can you fix us up with a room and a couple of girls?"
"I'm afraid I don't quite understand, sir." The clerk was crisp, well-groomed, a
man in his late thirties. J. J. caught the slight edge in the clerk's voice, and he looked
around the large, well-appointed lobby with its portly, well-dressed clientele
Terezio was undaunted.
"My buddy and me are in town for a couple of days and we'd like a room, see?
And we'd like a couple of girls, naturally, and we figured you could help us out there.
What do you say? How about it?"
"For two?"
"For two what? Yeah, a room for two."
"Any luggage?"
"Naw. What difference does that make?"
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 47
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 47
"We do have accommodations... that would be $45.00...in advance."
"Forty-five!...," Terezio looked over at J.J. who gave his head a quick, urgent
shake. "Have you got anything cheaper?"
"I'm sorry. Perhaps you should try another establishment, one of the smaller
hotels in another part of town."
"Listen," said Terezio, "does the forty-five include the girls?"
The clerk's face was getting hard and his voice firmer, "You have the wrong
establishment. You would do better... elsewhere."
"Come on, don't give me that stuff."
The clerk closed the register, straightened himself, and terminated the
negotiations. "I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave, gentlemen. We can't help you."
"Let's go. Chuck," said J.J.
"Naw, we don't have to go. This guy just wants his palm greased. Right?" he
asked the clerk.
"No. That might be true in the establishments you are accustomed to doing
business with, but the Saint Anthony can do without your type. Good day."
Terezio wouldn't budge. "Who the hell do you think you're talking to? We're a
couple of customers who want a room, and if you don't want to act right, we'll just talk
to the manager."
"As you wish," said the clerk, and he turned to the open door behind him.
"Excuse me, Mr. Prescott, but would you step out here for a moment."
"Come on. Chuck. Let's go." said J.J.
"Just wait a minute. You don't let bastards like this talk that way."
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 48
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 48
"He wants what?" asked Mr. Prescott, who had come out to the reception desk.
The clerk started to explain, but Terezio interrupted him.
"Listen, my buddy and me want a room, and this joker tells us to beat it."
"He wanted the hotel to provide them with girls." said the clerk.
"Well, so what? You guys do that all the time."
"Where did you hear such a story?" asked Mr. Prescott. "Did you hear it about
this hotel? Did you ever have us provide you with girls?"
"No, but what's the difference? Everybody knows it happens."
"The difference is, this is a respectable hotel, and for the sort of things you have
in mind, I think you had better take your business elsewhere."
"My words exactly," said the clerk.
"Come on. Chuck. Let's go."
Terezio was quivering with rage, his eyes blinking, and words sputtering on his
lips, "You, phony fu fu..fuuckers.."
"Hey, Chuck, forget it. Let's go." Heads were starting to turn, and a couple who
had just entered the lobby were heading for the reception desk. They were stylishly
dressed and smiling.
"Chuck, I'm going."
"O.K." said Terezio, his dark eyes moist and large. He moved three or four paces
back from the counter, and then stopped and shouted, "Fuck you, Mr. Wiseass! You can
take your fucking hotel and stick it! I hate bastard, sonofabltching, cocksucking.
..liars!"
The cool, air-conditioned lobby was silent.
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 49
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 49
The young couple who had just entered stopped smiling and watched the intens e,
angry young man. Terezio looked them over quickly and said to the handsome young
man, "You better be married to her, buddy."
"Have the switchboard call the military police," said Mr. Prescott to the clerk.
Then he turned to the couple and said apologetically, "I'm sorry. A little incident here.
It's taken care of now. May I help you?"
The clerk stepped around the corner and said something to the switchboard
operator and then turned to watch as J.J. urged Terezio out of the cool lobby into the
hot afternoon sun. They walked casually, but deliberately, down the street until they
were out of sight of the lobby and then walked a little faster and around a couple of
corners. Then Terezio slowed stubbornly, fuming and threatening, and J.J. tried to calm
him.
They were passing a drug store with an old fashioned soda fountain, and J.J.
said, "Let's have something to drink, my throat is dry as hell." And they went in and
found a cool, dark corner, and both had ice tea with lemon and sugar, and in low voices
talked nervously.
"Listen," said Terezio, "All G.I.s look alike to them, and there's thousands in
town. We don't have to sweat it."
"Yeah," agreed J.J. "One good thing is nobody around here knows who anybody
is."
"You got that right. Did you see that fucker's face when I told him where to get
off?"
"Did I! I thought he was gonna drop his teeth on the spot. You really told him."
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 50
BATTLES OF HEART AND MIND 50
Later, having given up for the moment on the girl game, they hailed a cab where
they bought their whiskey, and had him take them to a cheap hotel.
# # #
They had survived their first week-end pass. They had left the base in crowded
busses, crisply uniformed, and they returned, sporadically over the forty-eight hours,
wrinkled, soiled, scuffed, penniless, in the same busses, the ir energies spent, saying,
"Hey, Loren, you got any money for the Coke machine?" or, "I want to write a couple
of cards to the folks and my girl and tell them about San Antonio," or "The fucking
mess hall is closed already," or "It feels good to get back and sack out," or "You think
that's something! Wait 't il I tell you what happened to Jackson and me!"
"...Butch and me."
"...Kelly and me."
"...Evans and Owens and me."
"Wait 't il I tell you what happened to us."
Innumerable lies.