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Intelligence and education are often considered primary keys to financial security in today’s world. Yet money-trouble is still a problem faced by thousands of people in spite of their schooling and acumen. The root of this issue is frequently something almost never thought of when considering finance: emotion. Emotions are the link between one’s thoughts and one’s behaviour.

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  • heart4 1 2013/03/26 10:44 AM

  • i

    Heart, Mind & Money

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  • iii

    Heart, Mind & MoneyUsing Emotional Intelligence

    for Financial Success

    Vangile Makwakwa

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  • Heart, Mind & Money

    iv

    First published by Stonebridge, an imprint of Jacana Media (Pty) Ltd, in 2013

    10 Orange StreetSunnysideAuckland Park 2092South Africa+2711 628 3200www.jacana.co.za

    Vangile Makwakwa, 2013

    ISBN 978-1-920292-24-9Also available as an e-bookd-PDF ISBN 978-1-920292-25-6

    ePUB ISBN 978-1-920292-26-3

    mobi ISBN 978-1-920292-27-0

    Cover design by publicideSet in Sabon 11/16ptJob No. 001969

    See a complete list of Jacana titles at www.jacana.co.za

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  • v

    This book is dedicated to the four people that made it possible:

    my parents, Nomvula Makwakwa and Daniel Maelane, my

    aunt, Rachel Maelane, and my sister, Honey Makwakwa. May

    all writers be as blessed as I am, to have friends and family that

    believe in their words when they cant.

    Special thanks to my uncle, Solly Makwakwa, and my friends,

    Joan Legalamitlwa, Tshepang Ramoba and Analise Torres, for

    their constant encouragement and support.

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  • vii

    Contents

    Introduction: Emotional Intelligence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1

    1. How Emotions Affect our Behaviour . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .5

    2. Emotions from a Buddhist Perspective . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .9

    3. How Emotions Affect Financial Behaviour . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .13

    4. Law of Attraction and Emotions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .15

    5. Emotional Intelligence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17

    6. Emotional Intelligence with Money . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .19

    7. Fear (and Anxiety) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .27

    8. Guilt . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .33

    9. Envy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .41

    10. Hatred . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .47

    11. Despair and Depression . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .53

    12. Vengeance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .59

    13. Anger . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .65

    14. Blame . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .71

    15. Worry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .75

    16. Shame . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .81

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  • Heart, Mind & Money

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    17. Disappointment . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .87

    18. Feeling Overwhelmed . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .95

    19. Frustration . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 101

    20. Impatience . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 107

    21. Boredom . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 115

    22. Pessimism . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 121

    23. Optimism . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 129

    24. Contentment. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 135

    25. Hopefulness. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 143

    26. Self-compassion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 149

    27. Excitement / Sex . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 157

    28. Happiness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 165

    29. Love . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 173

    30. Serenity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 183

    31. Gratitude . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 189

    32. Joy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 195

    33. Conclusion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 199

    34. My Money Story . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 203

    References . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 207

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  • Emotional Intelligence

    1

    INTRODUCTION

    Emotional Intelligence: Your Key to Financial

    Success

    How to master your emotions and change your financial behaviour

    Caroline Myss, bestselling author of Anatomy of the Spirit, asserts that each of us has a financial prostitute; were all capable of selling our minds, bodies and/or talents for financial gain.

    Most people baulk at this idea, but if youre in a job you hate and youre only in it for the pay cheque, then youre selling your mind or talent for money. If youre in a loveless marriage or a relationship for financial security, then you have a price. If youre an artist doing creative work you hate, youre selling out your talent, and that pay cheque is your price.

    What keeps this financial prostitute alive? Our need to survive or just plain survival instinct. Ten thousand years ago, we (the human species) needed food and

    shelter to survive, but now most of us need money to buy food and pay for shelter weve replaced food with money. Weve learned to live in fear of being without money because weve come to equate lack of money with lack of food, lack of clothes, lack of love and even lack of respect. Its this fear that gives rise to a variety of negative emotions about money. And its these negative emotions that make us a slave to money by driving our financial decisions and behaviour.

    Emotional Intelligence

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  • Heart, Mind & Money

    2

    Being a slave to your emotions about money makes you a slave to money. Most of us are scared of money, scared of being without money, or ashamed of not having money. These negative emotions rule us and keep us playing small, living in the realm of past failures where we entertain negative thoughts, beliefs and stories.

    We trade our time and even compromise our values for money and call it wealth creation, wealth building or financial security. We convince ourselves that we need to first get money before we can pursue our dreams or become truly happy. We forget that every time we compromise ourselves for money, were essentially giving money power over us and making money our master.

    The truth is we first need to follow our dreams and become happy in order to build true wealth. Real wealth is not just about money but about living well emotional wellbeing, physical wellbeing, financial wellbeing, spiritual wellbeing and, above all, a state of joy.

    What good is all the money in the world if your health is bad, you feel unloved or youre always looking over your shoulder in fear of what others will say about you?

    As the age-old saying goes: what good is it to profit the world and lose your soul?

    Emotional intelligence with money is about mastering your emotions about money so that you can make financial decisions that are in line with your values and bring you serenity and joy.

    Incidentally thats the purpose of this book: to help you understand your em