tidbits - denver metro area - issue #1117

Chapter 7 or 13

Bankruptcy

20 years experience | a�ordable | fast | personal service

(303) 525-9531www.coloradobklawyer.com

email: [email protected]

HILL LAW OFFICE, P.C.Lawrence R. Hill, Attorney at Law

1901 W. Littleton Blvd. | Littleton, CO 80120

We are a debt relief agency. We help people �le bankruptcy under the Bankruptcy Code.

Front Page Classifieds

Pottery Barn Style Beautiful New Panel Bedroom Set - $1799

Stunning Espresso raised panel window frame. Solid wood dovetailed drawers with felt lining, unique nickel hardware. 7-Piece Set includes Bed, Dresser, Mirror, Nightstand, and

5-Drawer Chest! List Price $5,800 sell: $1799

Call 303-758-1312

New KingPillowtop Mattress Set

Foundation with Warranty. $255 Can Deliver.

303-758-1312

$599 Brand New All Wood 5 PC Bedroom Set

In box with manufacturer’s warranty. Can Deliver.

303-758-1312

New Leather SofaIn original carton with warranty.

$599 Can Deliver. 303-758-1312

Queen PillowtopA Brand New Queen Pillowtop Mattress Set with warranty.

$159. Delivery Available. 303-758-1312

5-PC New MicrofiberLiving Room Set. With warranty

$599 Can Deliver. Call - 303-758-1312

Beautiful Cherry Formal Dining Set - 8 Piece

Table with leaf, 2 arm charis, 4 side chairs. NEW!!! All in original boxes. All SOLID Hardwood! Lists for over $3000, must sell $899. Delivery available. Hutch

available. Call 303-758-1312

TIDBITS® CELEBRATES THE SEASON

HOLIDAY FACTSby Kathy Wolfe

The holiday season is upon us, and this week Tidbits looks at some facts you might not know about songs, food, trees, and tra-ditions.

“Oh, bring us some figgy pudding” goes • the old Christmas song. This traditional English dessert that dates back to the 16th century is actually more like a cake than a pudding. Its base is similar to that of a car-rot cake, then blended with a custard, figs, and spices, then steamed for three or four hours. Occasionally, dates and other fruits are added.A sugar plum is a • little sugary treat, with a candied cherry, plum, or dried apricot sur-rounded by fon-dant and coated with sugar. Vi-sions of these danced in the children’s heads in Clement Clarke Moore’s poem The Night Before Christmas, penned in 1822. Moore was more accustomed to writing more serious works, such as A Compendious Lexicon of the Hebrew Language, related to his occupation as professor of Oriental and Greek Literature at the General Theo-logical Seminary in New York City. It wasn’t even his intention to publish his most well-known work – he had written it as a Christ-mas gift for his two daughters.The singer’s true love in the song “The • Twelve Days of Christmas” gave her 22 turtledoves over the course of those days. What she received was a member of the pigeon family, native to northern Europe. The bird is about 11 inches long with a reddish-brown body, blue-gray head, and whitetipped tail. It spends its winters in northern Africa.The word “Hanukkah” comes from the He-• brew word, meaning “to dedicate.” This eight-day festival commemorates the Jews’ securing and the rededication of their Holy Temple during the second century’s Mac-cabean Revolt.

continued on page 3!

Issue #1117December 14, 2009

Denver Metro Area Published by Mountain View Publishing, LLC FOR ADVERTISING CALL (303) 688-1987 [email protected]

Horizons Clinical Research Center, LLC is conducting clinical research studies of investigational treatments for these conditions. As a participant in one of our research studies you will receive:

Do you suffer from:

@www.horizonscrc.com

Hypertension with Type 2 Diabetes?Overactive Bladder? | Psoriasis? | Eczema?

Post-Menopausal Symptoms? Type 2 Diabetes? | Endometriosis?

$200 OFFEnergy Star Water Heater*

Call Today for ALL your plumbing N E E D S !

303-916-6226

*May not be used with any other offers. Good through 3/31/10 or while supplies last.

www.PlumbingHelpToday.com

Because Quality Lasts

“A real pro gym for everyone”MMA

BOXING amateur boxing teamJUI JITSUMUY THAICROSSFIT

CARDIO boxing, kickboxing

Classes start as low as $49.99!

NOW OFFERING KIDS AND ADULT CLASSES Mention this ad and receive one free training classA.T.T. ALTITUDE 11091 E MISSISSIPPI AVE, AURORA , 303-366-0629

Do you want to become a member of the world’s most elite club on the internet for

making money?

Proven Tips, Tools and Tactics To Make Money

From Home

Over 500 hours of video and audio* The most complete coaching club online* You can start at any skill level* Live phone and email support* Everything you need is in one place* Work from the comfort of your home*

For a FREE preview with videos - go to:

www.MaverickClubSite.com

From Mack Michaels: “This system makes me at least

$171,168.06 per month and you can start using it 15 minutes from now!”

Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area Issue #1117

ARIES (March 21 to April 19) Make your holiday preparations one step at a time in or-der to avoid being overwhelmed and leaving things undone. That confusing family situation continues to work itself out.TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) Ease this year’s holiday money pressures by letting your thrifty side guide you as you look for those perfect gifts that typically reflect your good taste and love of beauty.GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) You’ll have a good handle on potential holiday problems if you delegate tasks to family members, friends or co-workers -- most of whom will be more than happy to help out.CANCER (June 21 to July 22) Right now you are especially vulnerable to holiday scams that seek to take advantage of your generos-ity. Best advice: Check them out before you send out your checks.LEO (July 23 to August 22) The upcoming holiday season gives the Big Cat much to purr about. Relationships grow stronger, and new opportunities loom on the horizon, just waiting to be pounced on.VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) A changing situation brings conflicting advice about how to go forward with your holiday plans. Your best bet: Make the decision you feel most comfortable with.LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) Holi-day plans get back on track after some con-fusion about the direction you expected to take. A potentially troublesome money matter needs your immediate attention.SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) Your holiday preparations are on track. But you need to confront a personal situation while you can still keep it from overwhelming everything else.SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) Tight financial matters ease a bit during this holiday season. But the sagacious Sagit-tarian is well-advised to keep a tight hold on the reins while shopping for gifts.CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) Don’t put off making decisions about this year’s holiday celebrations, despite the nega-tive comments you’ve been getting from sev-eral quarters. Do it NOW!AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) The holidays will bring new friends and new opportunities. Meanwhile, be careful to use your energy wisely as you go about making holiday preparations.PISCES (February 19 to March 20) There’s good news coming from a most unlikely source. And it could turn out to be one of the best holiday gifts you have had in years. Re-member to stay positive.BORN THIS WEEK: You are respected for your honesty and loyalty. You make friends slowly -- but with rare exceptions, they’re in your life forever.y preparations. Don’t let the opportunity pass you by.

FOR WEEK OF DECEMBER 14, 2009

(c) 2009 King Features Synd., Inc.

SEEKING ANSWERS?

Intuitive Psychic

CALL DEBORAHGIFTED READER

1-888-330-6853

Until now, users of ATM or debit cards could make purchases that basically cleared their accounts, and then some, and the bank would cover the overage temporar-ily -- for a fee. Sometimes the overdraft was accidental, perhaps due to a mistake made in the checkbook. Other times it was a gas station that caused the problem: Use a debit card to buy gas at a pre-pay pump, and more often than not an amount much larger than the actual purchase would be put on “hold” for the balance of the day. Or maybe the consumer knew in advance that there wasn’t enough money for a pur-chase.No matter the reason, if an overdraft was created, the bank charged fees that netted the banking industry many billions of dol-lars per year. If multiple transactions were made, multiple fees would be charged. It was the hefty overdraft fees -- often amounting to $30 or more per occurrence -- that consumers said were excessive, and the complaints stacked up at the Fed-eral Reserve.Starting next summer, banks will have to ask permission of consumers to charge overdraft fees. Account owners will have to opt in to have overdraft protection, and banks will be limited to charging one over-draft fee per month or six per year.Unless consumers sign up for overdraft protection (and pay the resulting fees,) the end results could be harsh. Instead of a bank covering any overages (and charging a fee for it), ATM and debit cards will be shut off once the withdrawal exceeds the amount in the account -- right in the middle of a transaction. Here are some suggestions:

Sign up for the overdraft protection in • case of an emergency expense. If you don’t have the money in the bank, that overdraft fee might be a welcome ex-pense.Balance your accounts every month and • don’t spend what you don’t have. Pay attention to the information leaflets • that come in your statements. Expect fees for other services to go up and mini-mum balances on accounts to go higher. Banks are going to miss those billions of dollars and will need to make them up in others ways.

David Uffington regrets that he cannot per-sonally answer reader questions, but will incorporate them into his column whenever possible. Write to him in care of King Fea-tures Weekly Service, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475, or send e-mail to [email protected].

An End to Mandatory Over-draft Protection

Individual Health & Dental • InsuranceAutos & Homes• Umbrella•

Group Health & Ancillary • BenefitsWork Comp & Business Liability•

(303) 397-7830 We’re here to help YOU! (877) 397 - 7830

HOME WORK

Heirlooms

Mall1947 S. Havana

Aurora, CO 80014303.337.6880Mon-Sat 10-6

Sun Noon-5

When your financial obligations get too big...

Morse & Associates, LLC is here to help.

$500Bankruptcy

Garnishments• Foreclosure• Harassment•

Free Consultation

Payment Plans

Available

(303) 300-66841-877-284-7529

www.MorseBankruptcy.comWe are a federally designated debt relief agency

pursuant to Title 11 of the U.S. Code, to help people file bankruptcy

Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area December 14, 2009

a romantic item, it is actually a parasitic plant that attaches itself to a tree and liter-ally sucks the life out of it. It takes all its nourishment from the host tree, reducing the tree’s growth and frequently killing it. It’s not all bad news, as some herbalists swear by its ability to treat circulatory and respiratory ailments. According to Scandi-navian legend, the mistletoe is a plant of peace. In ancient times, enemies meeting by chance beneath the plant were obli-gated to lay down their arms and pledge a truce until the following day. It’s believed that this custom led to the current one of kissing under the mistletoe.A leafy tree grown in Arabia and So-• maliland, the Boswellia Thurifera, is the source for frankincense, one of the gifts brought to the baby Jesus. These unusual trees grow out of polished marble rocks. The juice from inside the trees hardens into a gum resin, which is used for incense and medicinal purposes. In ancient times frankincense was used in the ceremonial incense of the Jews, used on every Sab-bath, and stored in a sacred chamber in Jerusalem’s Temple. The ancients used it to treat tumors, ulcers, vomiting, dys-entery, fever, and leprosy. Today, it’s said that it can relieve bronchitis and laryngitis when steamed in a vaporizer.

HOLIDAY FACTS (continued)

In 1857, James Lord Pierpont was the • music director at a Savannah, Georgia church when he composed a happy little winter tune he entitled “One-Horse Open Sleigh,” later known as “Jingle Bells.” Just a few years later, he was composing “We Conquer or Die” and “Strike for the South,” Civil War marching songs. Pierpont wasn’t a native Southerner, and was in fact the son of a staunch abolitionist from Boston.“Jingle Bells” was used as a part of a prac-• tical joke played by Gemini 6 astronauts Wally Schirra and Tom Stafford during their December, 1965 spaceflight. They radioed back to Mission Control that they had sighted some type of flying object that looked “like a satellite…a command mod-ule and eight smaller modules in front” with a pilot “wearing a red suit.” This was followed up by their rendition of “Jingle Bells,” accompanied by a harmonica and sleigh bells they had smuggled aboard the craft. That Hohner’s harmonica and those bells can be seen at the Smithsonian Na-tional Air and Space Museum, displayed as the first musical instruments played in space.A 34-year-old copyrighter working for the • department store chain Montgomery Ward in 1939 was the creator of one of the sea-

son’s most b e l o v e d characters, Rudolph the Red- Nosed R e i n d e e r . Robert May was given the assign-ment of coming up with a story for a holiday promotional booklet for

distribution to customers to replace the coloring books they had circulated in previ-ous years. May, who had been teased as a child for his shyness and short stature, used the same theme for his rednosed reindeer, who was made fun of for being different. Montgomery Ward sold nearly 2.5 million copies that year. When they reissued it in 1946, sales were 3.5 million copies. Unfor-tunately, be-cause May was an employee of the store, they owned the copyright, and it was several years before May convinced them to allow him the rights. In 1949, May’s brother-in-law Johnny Marks penned one of the most loved holiday tunes of all time, based on the story. Cowboy singer Gene Autry recorded the song and sold over two

million copies the first year.There are about 21,000 Christmas tree • growers in the U.S. Every year, about 35 million trees are sold. More Christmas trees are harvested in Oregon than in any other state.Although President Franklin Pierce was • responsible for the first decorated Christ-mas tree in the White House in 1856, it didn’t become a continuing tradition until 1889 under the leadership of Benjamin Harrison. The Pierce Family gathered around the candlelit tree in what is now known as the Blue Room. Electric lights on the White House tree made their debut in 1895, hung by Grover Cleveland’s wife Frances. In 1961, Jacqueline Kennedy se-lected a theme for the White House tree, a ritual that has continued to this day. Jackie chose The Nut-cracker for her motif, but the themes have been as different as the First Ladies themselves. Nancy Reagan opted for Mother Goose one year, while Rosalind Carter selected eggshell ornaments and painted milkweed pods handcrafted by disabled Americans. Hillary Clinton used decorations related to Santa’s workshop, and Laura Bush decided on a red, white, and blue theme for her final Christmas in the executive mansion.Although we might think of mistletoe as •

The Neatest Paper Ever Read!

Owned and operated by:Mountain View Publishing, LLC

[email protected](303) 688-1987

www.TidbitsOfDenver.com

For advertising or distribution information call or e-mail us

today!

Everyday Case Discounts on

Wine and Spirits!In-Store Tasting Every Saturday 4PM - 6PM

LIQUOR WAREHOUSEWarehouse Selection and $avings

1550 S Parker Rd.(SE Corner of Parker Road & Florida Ave.)

303-368-8445

Super Low4.35%Sales Tax

CONVENIENT DRIVE-THRU

10% OFFANY WINE

OR LIQUOR PURCHASE

Excludes sale items, beer, and cigarettes. One coupon per visit. Not valid with other offers

Expires 1/31/10 TB

OPENMon - Thurs 9AM - 10PM

Fri & Sat 9AM - 11PMSun 10AM - 6PM

Aurora Sentinel

Colorado B

lvd.

Manaco Iliff

I-25

Mississippi Ave

FloridaParker Road

Hampden Ave

Havana

Take This Coupon To Wallaby’s and $AVE!


On • Dec. 16, 1773, in Boston Harbor, Samuel Adams and the Sons of Liberty, disguised as Mohawk Indians, board three British ships -- the Dartmouth, the Eleanor and the Beaver -- and dump 342 chests of tea into the harbor in a raid known as the “Boston Tea Party.” The value of the tea was $18,000.On • Dec. 14, 1799, George Washington, the American revolutionary leader and first president of the United States, dies of acute laryngitis at his estate in Mount Vernon, Va. He was 67 years old.On • Dec. 18, 1916, Betty Grable is born in St. Louis. Grable, trained as an actress and dancer, was voted “favorite pin-up girl” by American servicemen during World War II. Paramount famously insured her legs for $1 million. On • Dec. 15, 1973, Jean Paul Getty III, the kidnapped grandson of American billionaire J. Paul Getty, is found alive near Naples, Italy. J. Paul Getty had finally agreed to pay a $17 million ransom after the boy’s severed right ear was sent to a newspaper in Rome.On • Dec. 17, 1944, U.S. Gen. Henry C. Pratt issues Public Proclamation No. 21, declaring that, effective Jan. 2, 1945, Japanese American “evacuees” from the West Coast could return to their homes. For the previous two years, 110,000 Japanese Americans had been relocated to remote internment camps built by the U.S. military.On • Dec. 20, 1957, rock-and-roll star Elvis Presley receives his draft notice for a two-year stint in the United States Army. Refusing special favors, he was sworn in as an Army private in Memphis, Tenn., on March 24, 1958. Widely praised for not seeking to avoid the draft, Presley was seen as a model for all young Americans.On • Dec. 19, 1986, Michael Sergio, who parachuted into Game Six of the 1986 World Series at New York’s Shea Stadium, is fined $500 and sentenced to 100 hours of community service. However, Sergio was later held in contempt of court for refusing to reveal the name of the pilot who flew the plane. As a result, in May 1987, he was sentenced to six months in federal prison.


1. GEOGRAPHY: What is the capital of Canada’s Northwest Territories?

2. ANIMAL KINGDOM: What is a baby bat called?

3. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: What type of furniture is referred to as a “highboy”?

4. MUSIC: How many holes does a recorder (wind instrument) have?

5. LANGUAGE: What is a lazaretto?

6. ARCHITECTURE: What is adobe made of?

7. MYTHOLOGY: Who was the Greek god of medicine?

8. DISCOVERIES: Who is credited with inventing the air brake?

9. BIRTHSTONES: What is November’s traditional birthstone?

10. MATH: What is the Arabic equivalent of the Roman numeral MCMXC?

Answers1. Yellowknife2. A pup3. Tall chest of drawers4. Eight5. A place to quarantine people

with infectious disease6. The building material is made

of dried earth and straw7. Asclepius8. George Westinghouse, 18689. Topaz10. 1990


Joeleen BeckerCall (720) 985-2010

www.aPlanForEveryone-Colorado.com

HEALTH INSURANCE RATES ARE GOING UP!

CALL ME TO LOCK IN YOUR LOW RATE FOR 3 YEARS, BEFORE THE

NEW YEAR.JOELEEN

720-998-1417


Reach 40,000+ readers every

week.PLACE YOUR

CLASSIFIED AD HERE

Call (303) 688-1987 or email Classifieds@

TidbitsOfDenver.com

NO SALARY LIMITATION!Earn as much as you want! Immediate

openings for sales representatives. Must have own

transportation, be self-motivated and be able to cold call.

Contact HR@

TidbitsOfDenver.com

Freezing Weather Does NOT Always Mean Frozen Water Pipes

With the latest round of Arctic chill came thousands of phone calls to Quality First Plumbing with reports of frozen pipes. Howie Metz, owner of Quality First Plumbing, and Colorado’s First Certified Green Plumber, offers some advice –

First and foremost – Locate your water • main shut off valve NOW before there are any problems. “Each home owner should know where their water main is and become familiar with how to shut off water to the house; quickly!” says Mr. Metz. “When a frozen pipe thaws out, hundreds of gallons of water can pour into a home within minutes. That is NOT the time to figure out where the shut off valve is and how to turn it off.” This can save you thousands, even tens of thousands of dollars in damage to your home. Damage which most insurance companies will not cover.Next – When you go on vacation, or leave • your home for any amount of time, keep your thermostat at 55 degrees. A cold snap can occur at any time and your pipes can freeze; even in the spring and fall. A few dollars spent on heating your home will save you the headache and the heartache of coming home to find your house ruined by flooding from a frozen pipe that has burst.Insulate pipes in crawl spaces and exposed •

pipes in garages – You can purchase pipe sleeves from your local hardware or general retail store which slip around the pipe. Also available at most hardware stores is “heat tape”. Make sure that any kind of electrical device used near water is UL-listed. There are probably pipes running through • your exterior walls – These are harder to insulate. Next time you remodel your house, call Quality First Plumbing to re-design your plumbing so pipes do not run through exterior walls. For these pipes, it is very important to keep your house insulated and warm.Keep under-sink cabinet doors open • during severe cold – This will help bring some warmth to the pipes. Do NOT place heaters under the sinks; this is more of a fire hazard than most people realize.Keep the water moving – If you are having • problems keeping pipes warm, keep the water flowing through the pipes. Just a trickle of water might be enough to prevent the pipe from freezing.

What happens if your pipes do freeze? CALL A PLUMBER! Do NOT attempt to thaw a frozen pipe on your own. Many homeowners will take a hair dryer to a frozen pipe but this is dangerous. IF a pipe is frozen and has already cracked the pipe, it will begin to leak and spray when you thaw it. The water can spray directly on to you or on to the hair dryer or other heating device and cause al electrical

shock. Some home owners will take a torch or other open flame to a pipe. Again, this is NOT a good idea. You are risking fire damage to your house! And remember – if one pipe is frozen, chances are it isn’t the only one.

Email [email protected] Call (303) 688-1987E D U C AT I O N

OCEAN CORP. Houston,

Texas. Train for New Career.

Underwater Welder, Commercial

Diver, NDT/Weld Inspector. Job placement and financial aid for

those who qualify, 1-800-321-0298.

MISCELLANEOUS

WHERE SINGLES MEET: Listen

& Reply to Ads FREE! Straight 303-302-3022

Curious? 303-302-3020 Use FREE

Code 7325,18+Call 888-Megamates!

Dear Tidbits Readers: Tidbits - Denver Metro Area can now place your display or classified ad in over 300 papers across the country! Papers such as: American Classifieds; Penny Saver; Thrifty Nickel; and other Tidbit publications throughout the USA. There is no need to contact each paper individually to place an ad.

PRIVATE PARTY ADS - start at $12.00 per week for the first 20 words and 35 cents for each additional word.

B U S I N E S S /COMMERCIAL ADS - start at $18.00 per week for the first 20 words and 35 cents for each additional word.Email us at C l a s s i f i e d s @TidbitsOfDenver.com or call us at (303) 688-1987 to place your ad today

A D O P T I O N

ARE YOUR PREGNANT? Professional

secure couple wishes to adopt and Love your infant. We can

help with medical/living expenses. Completely legal. Call our attorney David Radis 800-

637-2882.

FURNITURE

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES

WANT TO Purchase minerals and other

oil/gas interest. Send details to: P.O. Box 13557, Denver, CO

80201

DIY Network TV Show Casting Denver Area Homeowners

Have you messed up your own

renovation project and don’t know

what to do next?Share your

struggle, get some expert help and be

on TV! There’s no cost to participate

and Producers are casting

immediately! For an application

or more information, please

call 303-712-3247 or

email rescue@

highnoontv.com

Kitchen Dining Table &

AccessoriesFrench Country Set with 4 chairs, area

rug, chair pads, lamps

303 766-9649$300.000

FUN TRAVEL Job. Hiring 18-23

individuals to travel USA. Two weeks

paid training, transportation and lodging furnished.

Toll free 877-646-5050

C A S T I N G C A L L

Single Mom Exposes $750+ a Week

Simple Work at Home System! What’s Crazy is, She’s

Sharing Her Online Income Secrets!

www.onlineincomesystemnow.

com

So what are the first steps you should take if you suspect a frozen pipe (Cut this out and put it where you’ll find it when you need it):Turn off the water main! Remember, you should already know where the valve is and already know how to turn it off – quickly!

Call Quality First Plumbing (303) 1. 916-6226. They will send a qualified, professional and experienced plumber to your home quickly. Waiting to make this call will only make matters worse. Call (303) 916-6226 immediately after you shut off your water main!Remove any and all electrical devices 2. that are near the damaged pipe.Follow any instructions Quality First 3. Plumbing gives you over the phone while your plumber is on his/her way.

Quality First Plumbing is a member of the Tom Martino Network and a member in good standing with the Better Business Bureau. Quality First Plumbers is a licensed business through GreenPlumbers USA.

Quality First; Because Quality Lasts. (303) 916-6226.

E M P L O Y M E N T


Need a new best friend?

Winnie - 1-year-old, spayed female, short hair. ID #A0533777

Cat Of The Week

Dumb Friends League2080 South Quebec St.

Denver, CO 80231 (303) 751-5772

www.ddfl .org

Call to adopt one of these or any of the other wonderful pets available

for $55 - $115.

Dog Of The WeekCass - 3-year-old, female Australian cattle dog mix. ID# is A0535666

It was American comedian Joey Adams • who made the following sage observa-tion: “If it weren’t for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn’t get any exercise at all.”A butterfly’s sense of taste is located on • its feet.You know that smoking is hazardous to • your health, but you might not realize all the different types of damage it can do. For instance, a shop in Great Britain re-quired more than $400,000 in repairs to its roof due to a fire from a cigarette. A fire from an inadequately extinguished butt isn’t at all unusual, but in this case it wasn’t because the owner -- or any other person -- was careless. It seems a sparrow that had been building its nest in the store’s eaves liked to use ciga-rette butts. The bird evidently picked one up that was still burning, eventually setting the building alight. Someone with too much time on his • hands once determined that there are 293 different combinations of coins that will make change for a U.S. dollar.Every year, doughnut-maker Krispy • Kreme uses a whopping 1 million pounds of sprinkles on its pastries.Coffee is one of the most-traded com-• modities on earth, second only to oil.If you, like many others, are trying to fig-• ure out how to meet that special some-one, you might want to reconsider the use of personal ads. Those who study such things claim that approximately 35 percent of people who use personal ads for dating are already married.The shortest complete sentence in the • English language is “Go.”

Thought for the Day: “My way of joking is to tell the truth. It is the funniest joke in the world.”

-- George Bernard ShawWEEKLY ANSWERS

As my five year old son and I were head-ed to McDonald’s one day, we passed a car accident. Usually when we see something terrible like that, we say a prayer for those who might be hurt, so I pointed and said to my son, “We should pray.” From the back seat I heard his earnest request: “Please, God, don’t let those cars block the entrance to McDonald’s.”“I’d like the number for Jennifer Smith in Richmond, Virginia,” the young man said to the 411 operator. “There are multiple list-ings for Jennifer Smith in Richmond, Vir-ginia,” the operator said. “Do you have a street name?” The young man hesitated a moment, “Well, uh, most people call me Bubba.”“What happened to you?” asked the by-stander of the man lying on the sidewalk outside of the beauty parlor. The man shook his head groggily and rubbed his bruised chin. “Well, the last thing I remember was my wife coming out of the beauty salon. I took one look at her and said, ‘Well, Honey, ... at least you tried.’”For our mid-term examination, our Profes-sor wanted us to sign a form stating that we had not received any outside assistance. Unsure of whether he should sign the form, one student stated that he had prayed for the assistance of God. The Professor care-fully studied the student’s answers to the test and then said, “You can sign it with a clear conscience. God did not assist you.”A man walks into the sheriff’s office.... “I want to become a deputy!” “Good, I want to you to catch this man,” says the sher-iff handing the man a wanted poster. The poster reads: ‘Last seen wearing a brown

paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, and brown paper boots.’ “What’s he wanted for?” asked the hopeful young man. “Rustling.”A woman whose fondness for the good life had taken its toll in added pounds - and girth - was being shown a Jeep by a salesman at an auto dealership. When the salesman’s pitch had run its course, he sought to close with the typical line, “Now what would it take to get you into one of these?” Looking at the Jeep’s high front seat, the woman replied, “Probably a crowbar.”A mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something ‘practical’ for her birth-day. “Suppose we open a savings account for you?” the mother suggested. Cathy was delighted. “It’s your account, darling,” her mother said as they arrived at the bank, “so you fill out the application.”Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for ‘Name of your former bank.’ After a slight hesita-tion, she put down ‘Piggy.’A fisherman from the city was out fishing on a lake in a small boat. He noticed anoth-er man in a small boat open his tackle box and take out a mirror. Being curious the man rowed over and asked, “What is the mirror for?” “That’s my secret way to catch fish,” said the other man. “Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the water above and they swim to the surface. Then I just reach down, net them and pull them into the boat.” “Wow! Does that really work?” “You bet it does.” “Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I’ll give you $30 for it.” “Well, okay.” After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked, “By the way, how many fish have you caught this week?” “You’re the sixth,” he said.A police officer stops a blonde for speed-ing and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yes-terday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.” Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”

By Samantha Weaver


WEEKLY FUNNIES

Call (303) 688-1987 or

emailInfo@TidbitsofDenver

.comToday!


EventsCabinet of Curiosities: October 9, 2009 - March 5, 2010; Indoor Gallery at the Museum of Outdoor Art, 1000 Englewood Pkwy, Ste 2-230, Englewood. Mon - Thu 9:00 am - 5:00pm Fri 9:00 am - 4:00 pm. A whimsical exhibition showcasing the talents of 12 artists working in a new vintage style to create artistic worlds in furniture, cabinets, rooms, antique luggage, hand blown glass and fashion armoires. The juxtapositions of disparate objects is sure to delight the historian, tinkerer and armchair scientiest. Among the many oddities, you will see Lewis Carroll’s “Imaginary Cabinet Room” by Lonnie Hanzon, Nick Bantock’s “Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man” and Elaine Pellham’s “Fisher King’s Tackle Box”.ADMISSION IS FREE! www.moaonline.orgTodd Powell Photography Exhibition: December 1 - December 18, 2009, with an artist reception Thursday, December 10 5:00 pm - 7:00pm. City of Greenwood Village Curtis Arts & Humanities Center; 2349 E. Orchard Road, Littleton, CO. It’s hard to believe something like a calendar could challenge a commercial photographer’s fine art side. But that’s exactly what happened to professional photographer Todd Powell. Powell’s vivid images are featured in Greenwood Village’s 2010 calendar. Powell’s gallery exhibit revolves around the theme of water, an element Greenwood Village wanted to feature as part of its mission of environmental education. National Western Stock Show and Rodeo: January 9, 2010 - January 24, 2010. Denver Coliseum. Bulls and broncs, cowboys and cowgirls - rodeo’s biggest superstars perform amazing feats of. athleticism during each performance of this professional rodeo. Showcasing the elegance and athleticism of the world’s top reining horses, the hard-hitting competition of Denver Professional Bull Riders Chute-Out and the Mexican Rodeo Extravaganza, this event has something for everyone. See WEbsite for full schedule: www.NationalWestern.comColorado Indian Market and Southwest Showcase. Denver Merchandise Mart.January 22, 2010 - January 24, 2010. From traditional Indian jewelry and pottery to paintings and sculptures, this is the place to find all manner of things relating to Indian culture and heritage. $10 Adults, Free Children 13 and younger.

To Place Your Event in this calendar please e-mail [email protected]

Free EventsBus Tour of the Golden Triangle Art/Museum District: First Friday of every month 5 - 9 pm. Ballet Arts Theatre, 816 Acoma St, Denver 303-825-7570 www.pnfproductions.comChildren’s Museum: First Tuesday evening of the month, 4 - 8pm. 2121 Children’s Museum Drive www.cmdenver.orgCU In Broomfield World Music Series: Free concerts 2nd Wed of every month, 7pm Broomfield Auditorium, 3 Community Park Rd, 303-469-3301 x7999 www.broomfield.orgDenver Art Museum: First Sat of every month free to CO residents, 10am-5pm 100 West 14th Avenue Parkway www.denverartmuseum.orgDenver Botanic Gardens: Free days Check web site for 2010 schedule of free days.1005 York St, 720-865-3500 www.botanicgardens.orgDenver Museum of Nature & Science: 2009 Free days: No more free days in 2009. 2001 Colorado Boulevard, 303-322-7009 www.dmns.orgFirehouse Tales For Tots: Denver Firefighters Museum 1356 Tremont Pl, (303) 892-1436. First Wednesday of each month 10:00 am - 10:30 am. Ages 2-6Museum of Contemporary Art: First Saturday of every month admission = 1 penny. 1275 19th St in Denver. 303-298-7554 www.mcartdenver.orgU.S. Mint: Mon - Fri; 8am - 3pm; reservations encouraged 320 West Colfax Ave. 303-405-4761 www.usmint.gov

SportsColorado Avalanche - NHL

Capitals: Tue Dec 15, 7:30 pm• Blue Jackets: Sat Dec 19, 7:00 pm• Wild host: Mon Dec 21, 6:00 pm• Ducks: Tue Dec 22, 8:00 pm• Stars: Sat Dec 26, 7:00 pm•

Denver Broncos - NFLOakland: Sun Dec 20, 2:05 pm• At Philadelphia: Sun Dec 27, 11:00 am•

Denver Nuggets - NBAOklahoma City: Mon Dec 14, 7:00 pm• Houston: Wed Dec 16, 7:00 pm• At New Orleans: Fri Dec 18, 6:00 pm• At Memphis: Sun Dec 20, 2:00 pm• Atlanta: Wed Dec 23, 7:00 pm• At Portland: Fri Dec 25, 8:30 pm• Dallas: Sun Dec 27, 6:00 pm• At Sacramento: Mon Dec 28, 8:00 pm•

Colorado Mammoth - NLLPRESEASON

Minnesota: Fri Dec 18, 7:00pm• At Washington: Sat Jan 9, 8:30 pm• Edmonton: Sat Jan 16, 7:00 pm•

“Why am I no longer in the picture? Don’t they love me any more?”

A child should never need to ask these questions.You can help! Foster a child and give them the love, patience, structure and

attention they need. Denver Area Youth Services (303) 698-2300

Caroline’s Interior Consignments

Tuesday - Friday 10:00 am - 6:00 pmSaturday 10:00 am - 5:00 pm

Sunday 1:00 pm - 5:00 pmClosed Monday and legal holidays

10890 E Dartmouth Ave Ste D, Denver(between Havana and Parker)

(303) 337-8181

Truck Loads of new items Every Week!

100’s of pieces of new furtniture at LOW prices!

Shop Here for Quality and Savings!

Meat Market & Italian Deli15380 Smoky Hill Rd., Aurora CO 80015

(SE Corner of Smoky Hill and Chambers)303-699-4532

What’s on Your Wish List?Prime Rib• Pork Crown • RoastFresh Turkey•

Leg of Lamb• Rack of Lamb• Bone in Ham• Boneless Ham•

Carmine Lonardo’s

Call For Orders Today!

How to Eat an Elephant

Losing weight, toning and firming your body is a challenge - I want to help YOU!

Improve the quality of your lifeLook younger - Feel Better -

Be More Active...Let me help you make a

difference today!Kim Sopoci

personal fitness trainer

www.KimSopoci.com(303) 690.3507


Dogs Rules for Humans...I will not bathe my master after he 1. bathes himself in the mud puddle.I will not drag my master from the 2. interesting sniffing spots.I will not complain “My arm is tired” after 3. only throwing the ball 20 times.I will not confuse my master by throwing 4. snowballs for him to fetch.I will not ask my master to play fetch 5. with a boomerang.I will drop whatever I’m doing and take 6. my master out as soon as he asks me to.I will get rid of those cats.7. I will not tell my master to hurry up 8. already when he’s looking for just the right spot to take care of business.I will make ice cream often and let my 9. master lick the blades (rather than having to steal a lick or two).I will never eat until my master has 10. tasted what I have and approved it for me.I will set up the kiddie pool every day it’s 11. hot - even in December.I will not leave my master at home any 12. time I go in the car.I will share everything I eat with my 13. master.I will allow my master on the couch.14. I will protect my master from that 15. obnoxious little human thing at all times.

“The World Through A Child’s Eyes”

Can be YOURS!

This acclaimed book written by Michael Brasier is perfect for children and adults alike who enjoy reading about different

countries and adventures through the eyes of a child.

The perfect book to

read with your child.

As Seen on Amazon.comBuy direct and save 20%!!!!

Call now for your personal copy.(303) 688-1987

[email protected]

“Most refreshing reading... This is an opportunity that many children do not get,

but can now experience by reading this very interesting

and delightful book.”Mrs. W. Craigg - Governor of The Central Bank of The

Bahamas

Laugh Lines!

2008 HYUNDAI SONATA #P10724 Save Thousands! 38k miles $10,7872001 BMW 3-SERIES #P10671AA LOADED! $9,4672005 CHEVY COBALT #P10684 Super Low Miles! 27k miles $8,8882008 HYUNDAI ACCENT #P10644A Line new! 25k miles $9,4762002 HONDA CIVIC #P10685A LX, Power All, and Clean! $8,9972000 HONDA PASSPORT #P10649A 4X4, and Clean $8,7452002 DODGE STRATUS #P10723A WON’T LAST! 69k miles $6,4992003 CHEVY MALIBU #P10613A Great Starter Car! $3,997 Need Money? We will buy your vehicle

with no obligations.

Stock# 890342009 CHEVY AVEO MSRP: $16,750.00

Mike Shaw Sale Price: $12,999.00

All New 2009 Tahoe’s and Suburbans in

stock0% for 72mths

www.MikeShawAuto.com

Mike Shaw Chevrolet/SaabPre-Owned Value Cars!NEW CARS!FREE CAR

WASHWith Any Service

FREE VEHICLE

INSPECTION

With Any Service

$21.95

OIL CHANGE

All Makes All Models

Special Oils Extra

www.MikeShawAuto.com

Committed to Colorado

1080 S Colorado Denver CO 80246Service: 303-691-1264 Sales: 303-691-1290

Service HoursM-F 7:00 am - 6:00 pmSat 8:00 am - 5:00 pm

Sales HoursM-F 8:30 am - 9:00 pmSat 8:00 am - 7:00 pm

State of the Art

Collision Repair

Facility

Free EstimatesDisclaimer: Prices include all rebates, and 0% w.a.c., all offers expire 11/30/09

Stock# 590112009 SAAB 9-3 Sedan

MSRP: $33,035.00Mike Shaw Sale Price:

$25,999.00

EXTENDED OFFER

I will not have another of those 16. obnoxious little human things.I will not hide my master’s ball in a 17. place where I know he couldn’t possibly retrieve it from and then ask him to go get it.I will not sneak around the backyard 18.

wearing funny clothes to test whether my master is a good watchdog.I will realize that all my guests are really 19. coming to massage and stroke the master.I will stop referring to my master’s 20. necklace as her “collar.”

Are You Interested In Making Money?

Tidbits - Denver Metro Areais seeking motivated

individuals who are self-managing and enjoy meeting

new people.

Sales positions available Earn up to $100k or more.

Qualified candidates must have their own transportation and be willing to cold call.

No Calls Please - send a request for an application to:

[email protected]

tidbits - denver metro area - issue #1117

Documents