tidbits - denver metro area - issue #1103

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TIDBITS® GETS DIRTY WHILELABORING AWAY

by Sarah Bates

This week Tidbits celebrates the working men and women of the world with an article everyone can appreciate. So take a break from the job for a bit, kick back and relax as we share some interesting work related Tidbits.

It can always be worse, right? The next time •you think your job’s rough, imagine being the cage cleaner at the zoo or an odor tes-ter. Not too sure about just what that last one is? An odor tester is someone who makes sure that deodor-ant actually works. We’ll try not to think about the actual in-trial test-ing!What’s in a name really? Would you ever •be a sweat box attendant? It’s not what it sounds like. Sweat Box Attendants wait on guests in the sweat boxes of spas. Al-though it’s probably a sweat breaking job, the tips are probably great - and if you don’t mind attending to businessmen in towels, it could make a great summer or part-time job!Do you know any Herpetologists? Or did •you grow up wanting to study frogs, but didn’t know what to call it? Well, here’s your answer: Herpetology is the study of am-phibians. It is a branch of zoology, which is the study of animals. Another branch of zoology is Myrmecology, the study of those little six-legged picnic fiends. Yes,you guessed it - ants.Have you ever met a Tonsorial Artist? •Does he draw tonsils? Is it some weird form of art, somewhere between Dadaism and Cubism? Do they draw the mythical Tonsor beasts from the Isle of Tonsoria? Nope, this is just a fancy old name for a barber. Tonsor is Latin for barber.

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Issue #1103September 7, 2009

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Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area September 7, 2009

of Queenland’s project to boost tourism. Applications were taken until February of this year and the lucky winner, who was chosen out of 34,000 candidates, was Ben Southall from the United Kingdom. Ben basically just explores Queensland and writes about all his experiences and the great things the area has to offer. Ben started “work”onJuly1,2009.Youcanlearn more about Ben and Queensland at his blog www.islandreefblog.com.Millions of people have a commute of over •ninety minutes each day, but if you think that is bad, try this: one California man drove 377 miles (606.7 kilometers) round trip to his San Jose job with the compa-ny Cisco - that’s 1,550 miles (2,494 km) each week! He’s made the drive every day since taking the job in 1989. In 2006, he won $10,000 as the winner of Midas Inc.’s “America’s Longest Commute.”

LABORING AWAY (continued)

Surnames were first used in Europe•around the 10th or 11th centuries. There are several origins of surnames, but gen-erally they were derived in one of four ways. A name could come from a father, could refer to the place one lived, be a nickname or, as relevant to this article, pertain to a person’s occupation. Such examples are Cooper, a barrel maker, Taylor, Cook, Carpenter, Miller, Smith and Cryer (the town crier.)Oneofthefirstlabordaysoccurredin1882•on September 5th. Peter J. MacGuire, a union secretary, organized a parade of 10,000workers inNewYorkCity. ItwasPresident Grover Cleveland who signed thebillthatmadethefirstMondayinSep-tember Labor Day.Some famous folks have had the enter-•tainment bug in their genes, acting and singing from a young age. However, like therestofus,somecelebritiesfirstjobswere a little more run of the mill. Actor and comedian Jim Carrey was a security guard for some time before becoming the laughable big screen star we know to-day. Actor Warren Beatty was once a rat-catcher and Steve Buscemi once proudly served the New York City Fire Depart-ment.Many celebrities were military men - •Sean Connery was a Navy man back in Scotland - and even once a milkman. Walt Disney drove an ambulance for the Red Cross during World War I. Diabetes spokesman Wilford Brimley was a body guard for Howard Hughes and also a military man - he served in the Marines. The Bucket List and Batman star Morgan Freeman was a mechanic for the U.S. Air Force.Stop motion animators produce amazing •work, but it’s certainly time consuming. Onefamousstopmotionfilm,TheNight-mare Before Christmas, took over two yearstofilmduetothenatureofthecraft.The film’s co-writer and producer, TimBurton, was an animator before moving ontohisdirectorial fameandthefilm isbased on a poem he wrote while animat-ing for Disney in the 1980s. While he’s been said to have disliked the work, just

look where it lead! Disney released the filmviaTouchstonePicturesin1993.Ironic,buttrue,LOSTactressEvangeline•Lillywasonceaflightattendant.Just what is a wrinkle chaser? Nope, it’s •not cosmetic and it has nothing to do with fabric wrinkle removing product. A wrinkle chaser is the person responsible for re-moving wrinkles from the fabrics of shoes before they leave the factory. Nothing like having a new pair of wrinkle free kicks - and we have wrinkle chasers to thank for that!Did you know •that there are over 7.2 mil-lion teachers in the Unit-ed States? There are also 155.1 million peo-ple in the American workforce,. However, only 9% of those workers have been with their current employer twenty years or more.More Celebrity Jobs: Did you know Mick •Jagger was once a porter at a mental health facility? Fellow Brits and rock leg-ends Ozzy Osbourne worked in a slaugh-terhouse and Rod Stewart was a grave digger.Before he graced the silver screen, Mar-•lon Brando dug ditches. Funny man Robin Williams was once lauded for his silence - he once worked as a mime. Danny De-Vito would have given you a run for your money on the Tonsorial Artist Tidbit- De-Vito was a formally trained hair stylist.What do you get when you search for the •“Best Job in the World?” The top hits on Google tell us that one man is being paid over $100,000 to live rent free on an is-land in Australia and blog about all of his experiences there for six months. But, it’s not just any island, and certainly not a deserted island. The job comes with fan-tastic accommodations! The job is part

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On • Sept. 7, 1776, during the Revolutionary War, the American wooden submersible craft Turtle attempts to attach a time bomb to the hull of British Admiral Richard Howe’s flagship, Eagle, in NewYorkHarbor.Itwasthefirstuseofa submarine in warfare. On • Sept. 13, 1814, Francis Scott Key pens a poem, which later is set to music and in 1931 becomes America’s national anthem, “The Star-Spangled Banner.” The poem, originally titled “The Defence of Fort McHenry,” was written after Key witnessed the Maryland fort being bombarded by the British during the War of 1812.On • Sept. 12, 1940, near Montignac, France, a collection of prehistoric cave paintings are discovered by four teenagers who stumble upon the ancient artwork in a cavern. The 15,000 to 17,000-year-old paintings consist mostly of animal representations.On • Sept. 8, 1953, Continental Trailways offered the firsttranscontinental express bus service in the U.S. The 3,154-mile ride from New York City to SanFrancisco lasted 88 hours and 50 minutes, of which 77 hours was riding time. The cost was $56.70.On • Sept. 9, 1971, prisoners riot and seize control of the maximum-security Attica Correctional Facility near Buffalo, N.Y. Later that day,state police retook most of the prison, but 1,281 convicts occupied an exercise field called D Yard,where they held 39 prison guards and employees hostage for four days.On • Sept. 11, 1985, Cincinnati Reds player/manager Pete Rose gets the 4,192nd hit of his career, breaking Ty Cobb’s major-league record for career hits. Rose retired as a player during the 1986 season, but remained in his position as Reds manager until Aug. 24, 1989, when he was banned from baseball for life for gambling on Reds games.On Sept. • 10, 1993, David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson first teamup in the debut of “The X-Files.” Duchovny played FBI agent Fox Mulder -- nicknamed “Spooky” because of his belief in aliens and supernatural phenomena -- and Anderson played Dana Scully, a skeptical doctor..

(c) 2009 King Features Synd., Inc.

1. GEOGRAPHY: The island of Jersey is part of which larger group of islands?

2. RELIGION: Who is the patron saint for mountain climbers?

3. PSYCHOLOGY: Someone who has tonitrophobiamightbeterrifiedduringa storm. What kind of fear would this phobia sufferer have?

4. TOYS: What was the name of the British version of America’s “G.I. Joe”?

5. LITERATURE: Who wrote the novel “The Quiet American”?

6. MYTHOLOGY: In Greek mythology, who slew the Minotaur?

7. MUSIC: “The Last Waltz” was a documentaryofthefinalconcertofwhich rock group?

8. MOVIES: What is the only animal that Jim Carrey’s “Ace Ventura” character is afraid of?

9. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: What is considered to be the largest library in the world?

10. LITERATURE: What is an onomatopoeia?

Answers1. Channel Islands2. St. Bernard3. Fear of thunder4. Action Man5. Graham Greene6. Theseus7. The Band 8. Bats9. The Library of Congress10. The imitation of natural sounds by words, like “meow” or “roar.”


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ARIES (March 21 to April 19) Changing your mind doesn’t come easily for Lambs, who place a high value on commitment. But new facts could emerge that might per-suade you to rethink your situation.TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) This is a goodtimetoputthatfineBovine’seyeforbeauty to work in redecorating your home or workplace. And don’t forget to indulge yourself in some personal time as well.GEMINI (May 21 to June 20)Yoursenseofloyalty to someone who asks for your help is commendable. But make sure there are noinformationgapsthatshouldbefilledinbefore you move too far too quickly.CANCER (June 21 to July 22) Don’t let difficult people raise theCrab’s ire levelsthis week. Avoid them if you can. If not, re-sist telling them off, even if you think they deserve it. Things improve by week’s end.LEO (July 23 to August 22) Yoursuspi-cions about a colleague might be on the mark. But you also could be misreading the signals you believe you’re getting. Do some discreet checking before jumping to conclusions.VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) Take some time out from your many tasks and see if someone might be trying to reachouttoyou.Youcouldbesurprisedtolearn who it is and why you might want to reciprocate.LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) Youstillmightwanttodomoreinvestigat-ing before taking on a new commitment. Laterwouldnotbethetimetotrytofill inany crucial gaps in what you need to know about it.SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) A new opportunity should be carefully stud-ied. It might offer some of the things you’ve been looking for. Or it could contain new possibilities you never considered. Check it out.SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to Decem-ber 21)Youmighthavetoworkharderthisweek to get people to listen to what you have to say. But if you stay with it, you could start to get your message out to many by the week’s end.CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) Although family matters again take up a big chunk of the Goat’s time, the week also offers a chance to explore a new ca-reer move you’d been contemplating for a while.AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) Applying your practicality (what does it of-fer me?) and your creativity (how can I im-prove on it?) could provide sound reasons for seriously considering that new offer.PISCES (February 19 to March 20) The single set will find that keeping their ro-mantic aspirations on high gives Cupid a better target to aim at. Paired Pisces will findthatthisweekhelpsreinforcetheirre-lationships.BORN THIS WEEK: You believe in en-couraging others to demand the best from themselves. You would be a fine sportscoach, as well as an enlightened teacher..

FOR WEEK OF September 7, 2009


If you’re having trouble keeping up with your mortgage payments, the Home Af-fordableModificationProgrammightbeable to help.HAMP was designed to help millions of homeowners keep their homes by low-ering the mortgage payment. Billions of dollars were earmarked and nearly 40 “mortgage servicer” companies, or mid-dlemen, signed up to participate. They cover the vast majority of mortgage loans in the country.However, HAMP, which was started in March 2009, hasn’t made much prog-ress in helping homeowners. The Trea-sury Department’s first monthly reporton the program showed that only a small percent of eligible homeowners have had any relief.Part of the blame for the poor showing in modifying those millions of eligible loans falls on the homeowners. Delays in tak-ing action, wishful thinking, lack of knowl-edge about the programs and frustration over the many required steps have kept too many homeowners from applying.Here are some of the requirements:Your existing loan must have been•taken out prior to January 1, 2009.You could be eligible for loan modi-•fication if your mortgage payment(including principal, interest, taxes, insurance and homeowner’s associa-tion dues) is more than 31 percent of your gross monthly income.You must live in the home as your•principal place of residence.Youmustpassahardshiptestandin-•dicate why you need help.

You’llnextneedtocompleteaTrialMod-ification: prove that you can make thenew reduced payments for three months. If you’re in default or bankruptcy, or even if foreclosure has been started, you likely can be helped, as the foreclosure will be suspendedduringthetrialmodification.For more information, go online to the Making Home Affordable site [making-homeaffordable.gov]. It also has a list of mortgage servicers for the Home Afford-ableModificationprogram.Checktoseeif yours is on the list.If you need help, it’s there. The process can be irritating and long, but in the end you could keep your house and enjoy a stable interest rate.If you’ve missed one or more payments, but don’t qualify for HAMP, you can talk for free to a HUD counselor at 1-888-995-HOPE(4673)toexploreyourotheroptions. If a company insists that you payafeeforloanmodificationcounsel-ing, it could be a scam.


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EventsMicroChip Your Cat - FREE: September 2008 - September 2009 (as long as supplies last); Various veterinary hospitals and clinics across the metro area. 150,000 cats metro-wide will receive free microchips! Visit www.ChipYourCat.comfordetails.Arts Festival: September 11, 2009 - September 13, 2009; Cherry Hills Mrketplace, Littleton. This outdoor event features artist booths, artist demonstrations, entertainment andevenakids’funarea.FREE.Friday 12 noon - 6pm, Saturday 10am - 6pm, Sunday 10am - 2pm. www.GreenwoodVillage.comEstes Park Film Festival: September 17, 2009 - September 20, 2009; HistoricParkTheatre,EstesPark.TheEstesParkFilmFestivalisa showcase of new independent featurefilms,documentaries,andshortfilmsfromaroundthecountry.Ticket Information and show times to be announced on the event web site: www.EstesParkCVB.comEuropean Festival: September 26, 2009; Civic Green Park, Littleton. This unique event will allow you to enjoy a varietyofEuropeancuisine,performingarts, history and traditions. Programs during the day will feature concerts, professional dancers and singers fromavarietyofEuropeancultrues,deliciousEuropean-inspiredcuisineandactivitiesforkids.FREE.10am-10pm.www.EuroFestival.org31st Annual Aspen Filmfest: September 30, 2009 - October 4, 2009; Wheeler Opera House, Aspen. With itsrosterofindependentfilmsfromall over the world, Filmfest offers an unparalleled opportunity to see the latest filmsfromup-and-comingdirectorsand actors who push the boundaries of movie making. In addition to new features and documentaries, Filmfest hosts premieres from well-loved filmmakers,specialevents,familyfilms,and tributes like the Independent by Nature Award, which commemorates distinguished artists through on-stage interviews and career retrospectives. For Ticket and Show information go to www.AspenFilm.org2009 Annual Pumpkin Festival: October 10, 2009 - October 11, 2009; Denver Botanic Gardens at Chatfield,Littleton.9:00am-5:00pm. $5 Adults, $4 Member, $2 Child, $2MemberChild-ANYCHILDINCOSTUME=FREE.5AcrePumpkinPatch-Crafts,FoodandEvents.www.BotanicGardens.orgTrick or Treat Street: October 29, 2009 - October 31, 2009; Children’s Museum of Denver, Denver. $5.50 - $7.50. 9:00 am - 8:00 pm. 9:00 am . Pumpkin patch, carnival rides, art projects, theatre performances. Bring your costumed little ones and enjoy! www.MyChildsMuseum.org

To Place Your Event in this calendar please e-mail [email protected]

Free EventsBus Tour of the Golden Triangle Art/Museum District - First Friday of every month free, 5 - 9 pm. Ballet Arts Theatre, 816 Acoma St, Denver 303-825-7570 www.pnfproductions.comChildren’s Museum - Free admission firstTuesdayeveningofthemonth,4- 8pm 2121 Children’s Museum Drive www.cmdenver.orgColorado Railroad Museum - Check the web site for free days. www.crrm.org 17155 W. 44th Avenue, Golden 303-279-4591CU In Broomfield World Music Series - Free concerts 2nd Wed of every month,7pmBroomfieldAuditorium,3Community Park Rd, 303-469-3301 x7999 www.broomfield.orgDenver Art Museum - First Sat of every month free to CO residents, 10am-5pm 100 West 14th Avenue Parkway www.denverartmuseum.orgDenver Botanic Gardens - Free days: Sep 19, Oct 23; 9am-5pm1005YorkSt,720-865-3500www.botanicgardens.orgDenver Museum of Nature & Science - 2009 Free days: Sun Sep 13, Sun Oct 4, Mon Nov 2, Sun Nov 22. 2001 Colorado Boulevard, 303-322-7009 www.dmns.orgFirehouse Tales For Tots- Denver FirefightersMuseum1356TremontPl,(303) 892-1436. First Wednesday of each month 10:00 am - 10:30 am. Ages 2-6Museum of Contemporary Art - First Saturday of every month - Admission: 1 penny 1275 19th St, Denver 303-298-7554 www.mcartdenver.orgU.S. Mint - Free: Mon - Fri; 8am - 3pm; reservations encouraged 320 West Colfax Ave., 303-405-4761 www.usmint.gov

SportsColorado Rockies - MLB

Rockies host Reds: Mon Sep 7, 1:10 pm, •Tue Sep 8, 6:40 pm, Wed Sep 9, 6:40 pm, Thu Sep 10, 1:10 pmPadres hosts Rockies: Fri Sep 11, 8:05 •pm, Sat Sep 12, 8:05 pm, Sun Sep 13, 2:05 pmgiants host Rockies: Mon Sep 14, 8:15 •pm, Tue Sep 15, 8:15 pm, Wed Sep 16, 8:15 pm

Colorado Rapids - Major League SoccerToronto hosts Rapids: Sat Sep 12, 2 pm •San Jose hosts Rapids: Fri Sep 18, 9 •pmRapids host San Jose: Wed Sep 23, •7:30 pmKansas City hosts Rapids: Sat Sep 26, •6:30 pm

Colorado Avalanche - NHLAvalanche host Sharks; Thus Oct 1, 7:30 •pmTICKETSONSALENOW

Denver Broncos - NFLREGULARSEASONOPENER-•Cincinnati hosts Broncos: Sun Sep 13, 11:00 amBroncos host Browns: Sun Sep 20, 2:15 •pm

Colorado Mammoth - Natl Lacrosse LeaguePRESEASONMammothhostsSan•Jose, Sat Dec 20 7:00 pm

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Standing TallHow To Eat An Elephant –

Part 2I, Miriam Zoole, Co-owner Tidbits - Denver Metro Area, began working with Kim Sopoci, Personal Fitness Trainer, several weeks ago – we did an assessment of my overall physical condition and Kim noticed my body was not aligned. Kim gave me some exercises to do each morning for 2 weeks then to do them once or twice a week for a few more weeks then just do them once every few weeks to maintain my new body alignment.I say exercises but in all fairness, they really aren’t. I don’t think I broke a sweat while doing any of them – in fact, I got a lot of strange looks from my partner who was wondering why I was laying on the floor with one leg propped on a chairand saying, “don’t bother me, I’m doing my exercises.” He didn’t understand that posture correction exercises are very subtle. Subtle, but truth be told, they were painfulatfirst.Yousee,5yearsagoIweighed75poundsmore than I do now. I didn’t want to waddle when I walked so I learned how to walk in a way that I wouldn’t waddle. By doing this I actually moved muscle to move in ways

they were not meant to and it pulled joints in ways they weren’t supposed to. My right foot splayed way to the right and my hips pointed outwards instead of forwards. My shoulders were out of alignment as well. This had to do with the way I was sitting. At nearly 300 pounds I had trouble sitting in chairs; while driving, at the movies, sporting events, and airplanes. I would shift one hip forward in my chair, turn my shoulders into it and contort my body so I could “fit” inmy seat.While doing thisallowed me to watch a movie, go to the opera or visit foreign lands, it shifted my body out of whack.That was last month – this month I am “better’. My right foot now sits straighter to my knee, my hips are shifting forward and my shoulders are evening out – I still havesomeworktodo,butIamconfidentthat in the next month I will show further improvement. Kim likes to work slowly, to make sure my body gets used to one thing before moving on. That doesn’t mean we haven’t moved on – in fact, I am now doing 5 hours of cardio each week – that is,ISHOULDbe;Ifindithardtofit5hoursinto my schedule, but I am working on it.Kim also has me journaling what I eat, my feelings, and any other notes I want to take regarding the transformation I haveundertaken. Ididverywell thefirst

two weeks – I haven’t been doing so well the last 2 weeks. Journaling has never been my forte and so I have not made it a “must do” on my to do list each day. I know I should – but…Kim seems to u n d e r s t a n d this. She chastised me last week about notdoingforMYSELF;thatIallowedworkand doing for others to come before doing for me. I know she’s right – I deserve to befitand trimand I knowKimcanhelpme be that person. If I only stop being so stubborn and do what Kim tells me to do – I know I’ll be a healthier, stronger person a lot sooner.KimSopoci is a personal fitness trainer.She wants to help you realize the best you that you can be. Call Kim today at (303) 690-3507 for your consultation and evaluation.

Email [email protected] Call (303) 688-1987E D U C AT I O N

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It was British novelist Norman Douglas who •madethefollowingsageobservation:“Youcan tell the ideals of a nation by its adver-tisements.”If you’re like the average American, you will •eat approximately 22 pounds of tomatoes this year. And half of that amount will come in the form of ketchup and tomato sauce.Those who study such things say that a •crack in breaking glass travels at more than 3,000 miles per hour.This may not come as a surprise, but stud-•ies of university students show that those who major in education drink the least li-quor, while business administration majors drink the most.Fromthe“Yes,ThereIsaWordforIt”file:•A crith is a unit of measure denoting the weight of a liter of hydrogen.The famed cable cars in San Francisco •are the only U.S. national monument that is mobile.The year 1828 was a sad one for winemak-•ers. For unknown reasons, 80 percent of the bottles of champagne bottled that year exploded. Add to the list of surprising items you can •buy in vending machines in Japan: bat-teries, umbrellas, soccer balls, live bait, French fries and ties.Dead bodies can be a lucrative business: •Medical schools and research institutions will pay more than $200,000 for one.Youmightbesurprisedto learnthatJane•Austen’s novel “Pride and Prejudice” was originally titled “First Impressions.”Sir Christopher Wren, the man who de-•signed the famous London landmark St. Paul’s Cathedral, was an astronomer, not an architect. His other achievements in-cluded developing a method for calculating eclipses and devising a way to measure the rings of Saturn

Thought for the Day: “It is easier to lead men to combat, stirring up their passion, than to restrain them and direct them toward the patient labors of peace.”

-- Andre Gide

WEEKLY ANSWERS

The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to lis-ten to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody, but one girl laughed uproari-ously. “What’s the matter?” grumbled the boss. “Haven’t you got a sense of humor?” “I don’t have to laugh,” she replied. “I’m leaving Friday.”

The chief of staff of the US Air Force de-cided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. He directed a nearby Air Force base that will be opened and that all eligible young men and women be in-vited. As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruit-ing poster walked up to them. The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at thefirstyoungmanandasked,“Son,whatskills can you bring to the Air Force?” The young man looks at him and says, “I’m a pilot!” The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, “Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!” The aide hustles the young man off. The general looks at the second young man and asked, “What skills to you bring to the Air Force?” The young man says, “I chop wood!” “Son,” the general replies, “we don’t need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?” “I chop wood!” “Youngman,”huffs thegeneral, “youarenot listening to me, we don’t need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!” “Well,” the young man says, “you hired my broth-er!” “Of course we did,” says the general, “he’s a pilot!” The young man rolls his eyes and says, “So what! I have to chop it be-fore he can pile it!”

A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager, “I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones, who I understand is a tried and trusted employ-eeofyours.”Thebankersaid,“Yeshecer-tainly was trusted. And he will be tried as soon as we catch him.”

Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. “Bad dayatthecourse?”hiswifeasked.“Every-thingwasgoingfine,”hesaid.“ThenHarryhad a heart attack and died on the 10th

tee.”“Oh,that’sawful!”“You’renotkidding.For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry.”

The European Commission has just an-nounced an agreement whereby EnglishwillbetheofficiallanguageoftheEUrath-er than German which was the other possi-bility. As part of the negotiations, Her Maj-esty’sGovernmentconcededthatEnglishspelling had some room for improvement andhasacceptedafiveyearphase-inplanthatwouldbeknownas“Euro-English”.Inthefirstyear, “s”will replace thesoft “c”.Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of the “k”. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter. There will be growing publik enthusi-asm in the sekond year, when the trouble-some “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like “fotograf” 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent “e”s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away. By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”. Duringzefifzyear,zeunesesary“o”kanbe dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.After zis fifzyer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vilbenomortrublordifikultisandevrivunvil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Zedremvilfinalikumtru!Andzenzeworld!

By Samantha Weaver


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Actual Signs Posted in Foreign Countries

PARIS HOTEL• Please leave your values at the front desk. JAPANESE HOTEL• Youareinvitedtotakeadvantageofthe chambermaid. ZURICH HOTEL• Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose. NORWAY COCKTAIL LOUNGE• Ladies are requested not to have children at the bar. MOSCOW HOTEL • Youarewelcometovisitthecemeterywhere famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday. BUCHAREST HOTEL• Theliftisbeingfixedforthenextday.During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. HONK KONG DENTIST• Teeth extracted by the latest methodists. PARIS SHOP• Dresses for street walking. BUDAPEST ZOO• Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty. COPENHAGEN AIRLINE OFFICE • We will take your bags and send them in all directions. SWEDISH FURRIER• Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin. POLISH MENU• Roasted duck let loose and beef rashers beaten up in the country people’s fashion. SWISS EATERY• Our wines leave you nothing to hope for. RHODES TAILOR• Order summer suits early. In a big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation. BANGKOK DRY CLEANER• Drop your trousers here for best results. ROME LAUNDRY• Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time. HONG KONG TAILOR SHOP• Ladiesmayhaveafitupstairs.

Laugh Lines!

Quips & Quotes“The more intensely we feel about an idea or a goal, the more assuredly the idea, buried deep in our subconscious,

will direct us along the path to its fulfillment.”

-EarlNightingale

Quips & Quotes“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to

always reach my destination.” - Jimmy Dean Rent

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CHRYSLER • JEEPCENTENNIAL9980 E Arapahoe Rd

Centennial, CO 80112www.CentennialChryslerJeep.com

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O V E R 9 0 0 V E H I C L E S T O C H O O S E F R O M1996 HONDA ACCORD Auto, AC, Won’t Last! #92241................... $29951992 Audi 100 Super Clean! Loaded! #9608... ................ $3995JEEP CHEROKEE SPORT 4X4, auto. #3070i3.................................... $3995 2002 VW JETTA GLS Auto, clean! #95581.................................. $49952005 DODGE NEON Auto, great 1st car! #91302....................... $4995 2002 TOWN AND COUNTRY Won’t last! #1509i1...................................$69952004 FORD MUSTANG Low miles. Auto. #93521........................... $6995 2005 MUSTANG CONVERTIBLE Auto. Loaded! #3112i1..............................$9995

1993 CHEVY CORVETTE White. Red Leather. Clean! #95241......$10,9952008 DODGE CALIBER Low miles. Factury warranty. #9429..... $11,9882006 DODGE MAGNUM Black, high output engine. #3530i2..... $14,3882009 TOYOTA CAROLLA S Why buy new? #91101........................ $14,995 2007 MAZDA SPEED 6 Super fast! Super clean! #4512i2........ $15,9882007 JEEP GRAND CHEROKEE 4x4, all power. #9505........................... $17,995 ‘06 NISSAN PATHFINDER 4 x 4 all power. #92821........................ $21,9952007 FORD SHELBY MUSTANG GT 9k miles. #9480................................... $29,995

Caroline’s Interior Consignments

Tuesday - Friday 10:00 am - 6:00 pmSaturday 10:00 am - 5:00 pm

Sunday 1:00 pm - 5:00 pmClosed Monday and legal holidays

10890 E Dartmouth Ave Ste D, Denver(between Havana and Parker)

(303) 337-8181

LIKE NEW! Mission Stickley Media Surround - was $6k now $1500! Holds 57” TV

OLHAUSEN pool table - was $3900 now $1900 includes Professional Set up and

ALL accessories!

Incredible pieces in from Hawaii! Like new Habersham and Pennsylvania House!

Leather Sectional with Hide a bed AND Recliner!

tidbits - denver metro area - issue #1103

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