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HEY TIDBITS® READERS, IT ISEASY TO BE GREEN!

by Sarah Bates

Tidbits readers have asked and we’ve an-swered. In honor of both Earth Day, April 22nd, and Arbor Day, April 24th, we’re hap-py to give you all the Tidbits you’ll need on going green!

You’ve probably heard •this one: switch to compact fluorescentlight bulbs the next time you need to re-place a light bulb. But, how about some ac-tual numbers? Com-pactfluorescentsuseabout 75% less ener-gy and produce about 75% less heat than in-candescent bulbs.Look for the ENERGY STAR® logo. Ap-•pliances with this logo have met the U.S. Department of Energy’s guidelines. By switching to these approved products, Americans saved nearly $16 billion dol-lars on utility bills in 2007 alone!Remember that unused appliances still •use electricity. Unplug them whenever possible.If you can, buy it in paper packaging over •plastic and look for brands that use recy-cled paper. Paper packaging can be used in your compost pile, the plastic can’t!

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Issue #1083April 13, 2009

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Research shows that if every American •composted just their kitchen scraps, we could keep a knee-deep layer of garbage the size of San Francisco out of the land-fillseachyear.It takes approximately one gallon of wa-•ter for the average person to wash their handsandfivegallonstoflushthetoilet.Make a chart for each member of your •house and calculate the amount of water you use in one week. Reduce this num-ber by taking shorter showers, always loading the dishwasher full and wearing outfitsmorethanoncebeforewashing.Humans have been cleaning way before •the invention of pretty, packaged plastic bottles. Tub need cleaning? Spray the surface with diluted vinegar or lemon juice and let it sit for thirty minutes. Scrub clean!Using green and organic health care •products not only keeps harsh chemi-calsoutofthedrainsandlandfills,butitkeeps it out of your body! Studies show that men and women can absorb up to five pounds of chemicals from cosmet-ics, lotions, creams and other products into their skin each year!

EASY TO BE GREEN! (continued)

If you have to get plastic products, make •sure they are recyclable. There are many different types of recyclable plastics, all designated by numbers on the packag-ing. Find out which types your local recy-cling center can process and try to pur-chase only those kinds.Did you know a treadmill gives off ap-•proximately two pounds of carbon-diox-ide in a thirty to sixty minute workout?Replace that treadmill or stationary bike •with the great outdoors. Walking or riding in the park saves energy and gym fees – what’s more, it’s a breath of fresh air!Take that workout even greener – buy-•ing a used bike, sneakers made with recycled rubber, reusable water bottles and organic cotton work out clothes are a start!Think about what you want before you •open the refrigerator door. Studies show that opening the door and standing with it open accounts for 17% of the refriger-ator’s total electric-ity use each year.Want more of a rea-•son to recycle? Try the Great PacificGarbage Patch on for size, a swirling mass of garbage in the Pacific oceanmade up of two smaller halves, the east-ern lies between California and Hawaii and the western lies between Hawaii and Japan.It is not a solid mass, but more like a •plastic soup – which makes it hard to gauge the exact size. It is estimated to weigh nearly 100 million tons and cover an area nearly twice the size of the con-tinental United States.Here’s another way to keep your plastic •outofthelandfillsandtheoceans:takereusable shopping bags to the grocery store and skip the plastic bags.Sixty-eight pounds of clothing and textiles •are thrown out per person each year in America alone. Donate those old clothes to GoodWill or The Salvation Army.The United Nations’ Environment Pro-•gram estimates that 46,000 pieces of plastic were in each square mile of our oceans in 2006 alone.Plastic debris kills more than 100,000 •marine animals each year.In 2005, two million tons of plastic water •

bottlesendedupinlandfills.Speaking of water, studies show that of-•ten times tap water is more highly regu-lated than bottled water, as it must pass municipal water system testing for harm-ful content in the water. The National Re-sources Defense Council found that ap-proximately 25% of bottled water is really just tap water.Twenty million tons of electronic wastes •are thrown out each year!Recycle your old electronics! Electronic •devices may contain toxic materials. Keep them as long as possible and re-cycle them when you’re done.Fourteen million Americans use public •transportation daily. 855 million gallons of gas are saved each year by choosing public transportation.Have to have a car? While buying a Hy-•brid is a step in the right direction, con-siderbuyingusedfirst.Youwillsavetheenergy it would take a company to man-ufacture a brand new car and there are already some great cars out there that get that desired 35 mpg.Buying fresh food from your local farm-•er’s market saves packaging, process-ing and shipping waste – it also keeps money in the local economy!Take the extra time to search out green •and organic products when shopping. Chances are if you want it, someone makes itorganicandgreen–evenfin-gernail polish! 1.5 acres of rainforest are lost every sec-•ond.Finished with that book or DVD? Join an •online swapping club. Websites such as paperbackswap.com and its sister sites offer a free way to trade your old books, DVDs and CDs and find that new oneyou had been wanting to get – for free!Start your own compost pile for your •used paper, coffee grinds, eggshells, yard trimmings and table scraps.

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On • April 17, 1790, American statesman, printer, scientist and writer Benjamin Franklin dies in Philadelphia at age 84. Besides writing and publishing “Poor Richard’s Almanack,” Franklin invented the Franklin stove, bifocal eyeglasses and the lightning rod.

On • April 19, 1897,thefirstBostonMarathon is run. It was held on April 19, Patriots’ Day, a holiday celebrated in honor of the start of the Revolutionary War. In 1969, Patriots’ Day was officially movedto the third Monday of April, and the Boston Marathon has been run on that day ever since.

On • April 18, 1906, an earthquake estimated at close to 8.0 on the Richter scale strikes San Francisco. The quake was caused by a slip of the San Andreas Fault over a segment about 275 miles long. It was estimated that some 3,000 people died as a result of the Great San Francisco Earthquake and the subsequent fires it inflicted uponthe city.

On • April 16, 1926, thefirstBook-of-the-Month Club selection is distributed. The selection, “Lolly Willows, or, The Loving Huntsman” by Sylvia Townsend Warner, went to nearly 5,000 members who had joined the club, which was established in New York City.

On • April 15, 1947, Jackie Robinson, age 28, becomes the first blackplayer in Major League Baseball when he steps onto Ebbets Field in Brooklyn, N.Y., to compete for the Brooklyn Dodgers. Robinson broke the color barrier in a sport that had been segregated for more than 50 years.

On • April 14, 1956,thefirstvideotaperecorder is demonstrated. The machine, invented by Ray Dolby, Charles Ginsberg and Charles Anderson, recorded both images and sound. CBS purchased three of the video tape recorders for $75,000 each.

On • April 13, 1997, in Augusta, Ga., 21-year-old Tiger Woods wins the prestigious Masters Tournament by a record 12 strokes. It was Woods’ firstvictoryinoneofgolf’sfourmajorchampionships and the greatest performance by a professional golfer in more than a century.

(c) 2009 King Features Synd., Inc.

1. LANGUAGE: What does the word “plumose” mean?2. GEOGRAPHY: In what body of water can the island of Mykonos be found?3. ACRONYMS: What does the acronym CAD stand for?4. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: What is a shillelagh used for?5. POLITICS: What was the emblem of the Progressive Party of 1912?6. ANATOMY: Where is the skin the thinnest on the human body?7. ACADEMIA: What does a vexillologist study?8. MOVIES: Whatfilmfeaturestheline: “If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball”?9. TELEVISION: What was the name of the town that was the setting for “Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman”?10. GAMES: How many playing pieces do you have to remove in the game “Operation”?

Answers1. Feathered or feathery2. Aegean Sea3. Computer-aided design4. Irish in origin, it is a cudgel

that can be used as walking stick or a weapon

5. Bull Moose6. Eyelids7. Flags8. “Dodgeball: A True

Underdog Story”9. Fernwood, Ohio10. Twelve

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— Milton Berle Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors.

— Jay Leno



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Customizing Your Traditional Wedding Ceremony

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You’ve decided a traditional wedding ceremony is for you, but you don’t want it to look like everyone else’s. The good news is that you can incorporate all the time-honored traditions you’ve probably loved since you were little, and still make your celebration unique and meaningful. After all, this is YOUR wedding. A little bit of advance planning will go a long way toward making your day stand out as memorable for you and your guests.Several months before your wedding, sit down withyourfiancétotalkaboutwhat’simportantto the two of you in a ceremony. Do you want both sets of parents to participate? Do you want just your father or another important male in your life to give you away, or do you want both parents to walk you down the aisle? How many attendants do you want: a whole entourage or just Best Man and Maid/MatronofHonor?Talkaboutanysignificantreligious or ethnic traditions you may wish to incorporate and how you would like to do so.Next, discuss your decisions with your chosenofficiant. Make itclearexactlyhowyou envision the ceremony will go, and make sure he or she understands how important each detail is to you. Negotiate any points with which your officiant is uncomfortable,so that you can come up with a satisfactory solution. When coming up with ideas to make your ceremony special, think of new takes on old traditions. For example, instead of walking down the aisle with a pre-assembled bouquet, give a flower to several special attendeesprior to the ceremony and “collect” them into a bouquet as you walk down the aisle. If you’re planning to light a Unity candle with your groom, give each guest a candle to light from yours as they exit — you might also provide candlesticks at each table as wedding favors. How about mailing guests a scrapbook page to personalize for you in advance, along with their signing a guestbook? These are little things that will have so much meaning for you and your new husband years down the road, and they’ll insure your guests feel that much more welcome and involved in the wedding.Sometimes even the most traditional weddings will seem unique to your guests if they’re not used to your culture. In traditional Jewish ceremonies, for example, the bride circles the groom seven times and the rabbi presents the “ketubah” (a Jewish wedding contract) as proof of the marriage vows during the ceremony. In some African ceremonies, a priest will typically sip a cup of palm wine before offering it to the groom, who will then hide in the crowd and wait for the bride to findhimbeforeshecantakehersip.Ifyourwedding traditions are outside of the norm for most of your guests, you may wish to provide a program that explains each tradition and why it’s done. Guests will appreciate your thoughtfulness and connect with you and your ceremony even more if you do this.A final note about customizing traditions:if you’re going to involve your guests or attendants in a non-traditional aspect of the ceremony, be sure to let them know in advance and get their approval. Receptions can be spontaneous and fun, but traditionally ceremonies are more scripted and not the best places to spring surprises!

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EventsMicroChip Your Cat - FREE: September 2008 - September 2009 (as long as supplies last); Various veterinary hospitals and clinics across the metro area. 150,000 cats metro-wide will receive free microchips! Visit www.ChipYourCat.com for details.Cinco de Mayo Celebrate Culture Festival - May 9, 2009 - May 10, 2009, Saturday and Sunday 10:00 am - 8:00 pm, Civic Center Park, Denver. FREE. Spice up your weekend and head to Civic Center Park for the largest Cinco de Mayo celebration in the United States! Mexicanculturefillstheparkwithartsand crafts , strolling Mariachi bands, colorfully costumed Aztec dancers, several stages featuring traditional and contemporary Latino entertainment and a variety of Mexican culinary delights! www.CincoDeMayoDenver.comBikers Against Diabetes: May 17, 2009; Fraternal Order of Eagles, 1151 S Galena St, Denver. $20 Single/$10 Passenger(includesLunch)BenefitsChildren’s Hospital Diabetes Research. www.EagleRiders3224.com or call (303) 695-0673.Fuel-Fest: June 12, 2009, - June 14, 2009, May Farms, Byers. A bold new Western festival that merges astonishing music and family entertainment with an extraordinary marketplace of clean technologies and educational workshops. A grand new event showcasing Colorado’s national leadership in shaping a new energy future. Presented by May Farms in partnership with: The US Department of Energy’s National Renewable Energy Laboratory, ColoradoGovernor’sEnergyOfficeandtheColorado Department of Agriculture. Music, workshops, market place and expo, hands-on interactive educational activities for kids -suchaskiteflying-aswellasahealthymix of barnyard fun - hayrides and a petting zoo. For More information - www.Fuel-Fest.org.Parker Country Festival: June 12, 2009 - June 14, 2009; Town of Parker, Main Street. FREE Admission - Individual activies such as carnival rides will have costs. Carnival, 150 arts and craft/Commercial vendors, kids’ activities, two stages of free entertainment and a parade. Friday 5:00 pm - 11:00 pm. Saturdy 9:00 am - 11:00 pm. Sunday 9:00 am - 10:00 pm. www.ParkerOnLine.orgJazz Aspen Snowmass Festival: June 18, 2009 - June 28, 2009; Snowmass Village Resort, Snowmass Colorado. Ticket Information to be announced. NEW VENUE! Show Times To Be Announced. Music, Food, Friends and Fun. The festival will showcase multiple performances featuring this year’s brilliant group of JAS Academy artists at a variety of clubs. www.SnowmassVillage.comCoolest Car Show: July 4, 2009; 10:00 am - 4:00 pm. Downtown Estes Park, between West Elkhorn Ave and Moraine Ave, Estes Park Colorado. Ticket Information - $4 Adult, $2 children and students, FREE under 6 yrs old, OR BRING THE FAMILY FORJUST$10!ProceedsbenefittheEstes Park Museum. The Coolest Car Show will feature over 100 vintage vehicles from the 1920s and beyond. Car show will take place in Bond Park and throughout the Downtown area. Close up inspection of the cars is encouraged! Information and to register your car: www.EstesParkcvb.com

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Free EventsBus Tour of the Golden Triangle Art/Museum District - First Friday of every month free, 5 - 9 pm. Ballet Arts Theatre, 816 Acoma St, Denver 303-825-7570 www.pnfproductions.comChildren’s Museum -FreeadmissionfirstTuesday evening of the month, 4 - 8pm 2121 Children’s Museum Drive www.cmdenver.orgColorado Railroad Museum - Check the web site for free days. www.crrm.org 17155 W. 44th Avenue, Golden 303-279-4591CU In Broomfield World Music Series - Free concerts 2nd Wed of every month, 7pm BroomfieldAuditorium,3CommunityParkRd,303-469-3301x7999www.broomfield.orgDenver Art Museum - First Sat of every month free to CO residents, 10am-5pm 100 West 14th Avenue Parkway www.denverartmuseum.orgDenver Botanic Gardens - Free day: First Friday of each month, 9am-5pm 1005 York St, 720-865-3500 www.botanicgardens.orgDenver Museum of Nature & Science - 2009 Free days: Sun Apr 19, Sun May 31, Wed Jun 10, Mon Jul 13, Wed Aug 12, Sun Sep 13, Sun Oct 4, Mon Nov 2, Sun Nov 22. 2001 Colorado Boulevard, 303-322-7009 www.dmns.orgFirehouse Tales For Tots- DenverFirefightersMuseum 1356 Tremont Pl, (303) 892-1436. First Wednesday of each month 10:00 am - 10:30 am. Ages 2-6Museum of Contemporary Art - First Saturday of every month - Admission: 1 penny 1275 19th St, Denver 303-298-7554 www.mcartdenver.orgU.S. Mint - Free: Mon - Fri; 8am - 3pm; reservations encouraged 320 West Colfax Ave., 303-405-4761 www.usmint.gov

SportsDenver Nuggets - NBANuggets host Sacramento: Mon Apr 13, 7 pmPortland hosts Nuggets: Wed Apr 15, 8:30 pmColorado Mammoth - Natl Lacrosse LeagueMammoth host Edmonton: Fri Apr 17, 7:00 pmColorado Rockies - Major League BaseballChicago hosts Rockies: Mon Apr 13, 12:20 pm and Wed Apr 15, 12:20 pmLos Angeles hosts Rockies: Fri Apr 17, 8:10 pm, Sat Apr 18, 1:40 pm, and Sun Apr 19 2:10 pm Arizona hosts Rockies: Mon Apr 20, 7:40 pm, Tue Apr 21, 7:40 pm, and Mon Apr 22, 1:40 pmRockies host Los Angeles: Fri Apr 24, 7:10 pm, Sat Apr 25, 6:10 pm, and Sun Apr 26, 1:10 pmRockies host San Diego; Mon Apr 27, 6:40 pm, Tue Apr 28, 6:40 pm, and Wed Apr 29, 1:10 pmSan Francisco hosts Rockies: Fri May 1, 8:15 pm, Sat May 2, 2:05 pm, Sun May 3, 2:05 pmSan Diego hosts Rockies: Mon May 4, 8:05 pm, Tue May 5, 8:05 pmRockies host San Francisco: Wed May 6, 6:40 pm, Thu May 7, 1:10 pmRockies host Florida: Fri May 8, 7:10 pm, Sat May 9, 6:10 pm, Sun May 10, 1:10 pmRockies host Houston: Tue May 12, 6:40 pm, Wed May 13, 6:40 pm, Thu May 14, 1:10 pmPittsburgh hosts Rockies: Fri May 15, 5:05 pm, Sat May 16, 5:05 pm, Sun May 17, 11:35 amColorado Rapids - Major League SoccerHouston hosts Rapids: Sun Apr 19, 1:00 pmRapids host Los Angeles: Sat Apr 25, 7:00 pmRapids host Salt Lake: Sat May 2, 7:30 pmN. England hosts Rapids: Sat May 16, 5:30 pmRapids host Seatlle: Sat May 23, 7:30 pmNew York hosts Rapids: Sat May 30, 5:30 pmDenver Outlaws - Major League LacrosseOutlaws host Chicago; Sat May 16, 7:00 pmBoston hosts Outlaws; Fri May 22, 5:30 pmOutlaws host Waashington; Sat May 30, 7pmColorado Avalanche - NHL

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The number one safety device in your car is not your airbags. No, it’s not your seatbelt either. Roll bar? Wrong again. So what is this wonderful contraption that keeps us safe? It’s the humble windshield.Yes, it’s true! Your windshield not only keeps the weather and road debris from striking you while driving, but it is an integral part in your passenger side airbags and is responsible for up to 60% of your roof crush protection!Your windshield can keep you alive in a rollover accident. Roll over accidents account for 9% of all vehicular accidents on the road today. And not only does your windshield help hold the roof over your head, it helps keep you inside your car – and passengers are 25 times more likely to escape injury when they are secure in the car.However, in order to keep you safe and secure, your windshield needs to be in good repair and, if replaced, have been installed properly with good quality Original Equipment Manufacturer (OEM) glass. Quinn Collier, owner of Insight Autoglass states, “OEM windshields are created differently than aftermarket ones (aftermarket parts are ones that are sold to replace the original parts of a vehicle). OEM auto glass standards require 100 percent windshield retention in frontal barrier crash tests. Some aftermarket parts to not match the tolerance, thickness, and

shape of OEM auto glass parts; therefore they can have a higher rate of leakage, wind noise, imperfectfit,solarperformance,and optical distortion.”Insight Autoglass uses only OEM glass and is a member of the National Glass Association. Only OEMglasscaninsureproperfitandfinishwhichgreatlyreducesthe possibility of air or water leaks. Most importantly, only OEM glass isdesignedspecificallytomeetthesafetystandards necessary for your protection in an accident. According to Mr. Collier, “You should always use OEM glass to insure your safety. If you are making an insurance claim to pay for your windshield replacement, you are most likely entitled to OEM glass. You’ve paid for it in your policy.” “Proper installation of a windshield involves more than 20 steps and can take anywhere from 40 minutes to more than three hours,” says Mr. Collier. “There are proper techniques and federal regulations governing auto glass installation; therefore, it is imperative that when you need your windshield to be repaired or replaced, youfindaprofessionalrepaircenterthatis dedicated to upholding the highest standards in the auto glass industry.” Insight Autoglass cares about your safety and will educate and instruct you on the safety measures it takes to ensure your autoglass is installed in accordance with state and federal regulations.

There are four elements of a quality windshield replacement. A professional technician, the right glass, the right adhesive and a warranty. Reputable auto glass shops, such as Insight Autoglass, will always stand behind their work. Always ensure the technician who worked on your vehicle clearly defines the “safedrive-away time.” A windshield is secured into a vehicle with sophisticated adhesive systems. “Safe drive-away times” may vary depending on the adhesive system used and the manufacturer’s recommended curing or drying time. This information should be communicated by the technician to the car owner. Although it may be safe to drive your car within a few hours, it could take 24 hours or more to fully cure. As an added convenience to its customers, you can leave your car at home, or at work, and Insight Autoglass will come to YOU to replace your windshield. So if you have more than a 2 inch “ding” or chip in your windshield, consider the safety aspects and call Insight Autoglass for your quality OEM replacement today! (720) 870-4282.

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It was 20th-century Indian writer and phi-•losopher Jiddu Krishnamurti who made the following sage observation: “It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”While the largest animal on the planet is •nursing, the baby blue whale puts on an average of 200 pounds every day.Chocolate lovers like myself may not be-•lieveit,butthemostpopularflavoroficecream in the United States is actually va-nilla. Chocolate comes in second place.The Great Wall of China is the longest •continuous construction project in the history of the world, taking 1,700 years to complete.In Washington state, it was once illegal •to carry a concealed weapon that was more than 6 feet in length.Doubtless you’re familiar with the phrase •“let the cat out of the bag,” but did you ever wonder where such an odd turn of phrase came from? It seems that at one time when people bought small livestock, particularly young pigs, the animals were often carried in cloth sacks. It was a not-uncommon practice for unscrupu-lous salesmen to cheat the purchaser by stuffinga live cat into thesack insteadof the promised pig. To “let the cat out of the bag” was to give away the dishonest scheme.You might be surprised to learn that •famed lover and heartbreaker Casanova eventually became a librarian.Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas provides •8,000 parking spaces for its guests. And hopefully extensive maps so they can findwheretheyparked.

Thought for the Day: “Gold in its native state is but dull, unornamental stuff, and only lowborn metals excite the admiration of the ignorant with an ostentatious glitter. However, like the rest of the world, I still go on underrating men of gold and glorifying men of mica.” -- Mark Twain

WEEKLY ANSWERS

CHANGE A LIFESeeking adults to provide love,

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Sarah and Dick were having dinner with a couple with whom they’d lost touch when they moved to another city many years ear-lier.Over the meal, the couples took turns catching up. “And soon after we were mar-ried,” Sarah began, “we were blessed with a marvelous, chubby creature with cute bow legs and no teeth.”“You had a baby?” said the other wife.“Nope,” Dick broke in, “Sarah’s mother came to live with us.”One evening at dinner, I mentioned an ar-ticle I’d read in which an actor complained about remaining celibate for months while shooting in a remote location. Our ten-year-old son asked what celibate meant, and we explained as best as we could.After thinking for a minute he said, “I don’t know what’ssodifficultaboutthat.I’vebeenceli-bate for ten years.”Jason showed his buddy the beautiful di-amond ring he bought his wife for her birth-day. “I thought she wanted a four-wheel ve-hicle,” ventured his friend.“She did,” Jason said.“ButwhereamIgoingtofindafakejeep?”A 5th grade teacher posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes: “A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars.One-fifth is togotohiswife,one-fifthistogotohisson,one-sixthtohisbut-ler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?”After a long silence, one boy raised his hand and answered, “A lawyer!”A boat was docked in a tiny Mexican vil-lage. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality ofhisfishandaskedhowlongittookhimtocatch them.“Not very long,” answered the Mexican.“Why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more?” asked the American.The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficienttomeethisneedsandthoseofhisfamily.The American asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?” “I sleep late,fishalittle,playwithmychildren,andtake a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. . . I have a full life.” The American interrupted, “I have an MBA from Harvard, and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer everyday.You can then sell the extra fish youcatch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. “And after that?” asked the Mexican.“With the extra money the larger

boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have anentirefleetoftrawlers.Insteadofsellingyourfishtoamiddleman,youcanthenne-gotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise.” “How long would that take?” asked the Mexican.“Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years,” replied theAmerican.“And after that?” “Afterwards? Well my Friend, That’s when it gets re-ally interesting,” answered the American, laughing. “When you business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!” “Millions? Really? And after that?” said the Mexican. “After that you’ll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a fewfish, takeasiestawithyourwifeandspend your evenings doing what you like and enjoying your friends.”

By Samantha Weaver


WEEKLY FUNNIES

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Quotes That Make Us Go, “Huh?...”

“Outside of the killings, Washington •has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.” –Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC “Whenever I •watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that but not with all thosefliesanddeathandstuff.–MariahCarey, pop singer “I’m not going to have some reporters •pawing through our papers. We are the president.” –Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents “China is a big country, inhabited •by many Chinese.” –Former French President Charles de Gaulle “I haven’t committed a crime. What I •did was fail to comply with the law.” –David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes. “We’re going to turn this team around •

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Laugh Lines!

Home sales in Denver and the West are picking up! Sell • your home now to people who want to take advantage of low interest rates and an $8,000 government buying incentive.

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360 degrees.” –Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks “The Internet is a great way to get on •the Net.” –Republican presidential candidate Bob Dole “Things are more like they are now than •they ever were before.” –Former U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower “Traditionally, most of Australia’s •imports come from overseas.” –Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery “Researchers have discovered that •chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana.... The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can’t remember what they are.” –Matt Lauer on NBC’s Today Show“They’re multi-purpose. Not only do •they put the clips on, but they take them off. –Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1,000 for an ordinary pair of pliers “It is wonderful to be here in the great •state of Chicago.” –Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle“No, no. I have been practicing...I •bowled a 129. It’s like -- it was like Special Olympics, or something.” -President Barack Obama making an off-hand joke during an appearance on “The Tonight Show”, March 19, 2009 (Obama later called the head of the Special Olympics to apologize)

tidbits - denver metro area - issue #1083

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