Am (Rairat) 7D Green – Expository Writing ‘Should we take revenge on bullies?’ ASSESSMENT

Should we take revenge on bullies?

Revenge is like a mirror; it reflects the pain back to you. Just because it makes you feel like you won,

does not mean you did.

I believe that wWe should not take revenge. You should not have the change yourself by taking in

order to feel like you have won. You do not have to take revenge, there are always better options.

You should not become the bully instead. And I am here to explain these points.

First of all, you should not have to be shifting shift your personality to do something that is

unnecessary; and that is revenge. You should not have to change yourself by being mean and hurtful,

just to feel like you have won. Taking revenge will also cause you to have negativity, and it will cause

stress which makes you into a completely different person. It causes you to feel overwhelmed, and

possibly lead you to possible consequences. Do you want to be someone else just to do something

you do not need to? I would not. NO! Fighting back is not your only option. Shifting your personality

is never good, because we are made the way we are. You are who you are, and do not let someone

who put you down change that. You always have better choices instead of revenge that will not

cause stress. Revenge makes you become a different person.

As mentioned before, fFighting back is never the only option; you should never have to fight back

just to feel like you win. You have many positive alternatives other than taking revenge, and these

alternatives will benefit you and whoever you are thinking about taking revenge on. There are

always people who are there for you; whether if its counselors, teachers, or most importantly

friends and family. People who support you and care for you will always help you find a solution.

They will help you make it through correctly and positively, so than you do not hurt the bully and

yourself again. You will hurt yourself because you are basically lighting another match and throwing

it into the bonfire, making it bigger. All revenge does is make the problem bigger and bigger because

you are making them take revenge after you do, which is not good. It is a lose-lose situation for both

you and the bully, there is no point of it. There is no point of making the problem bigger. You always

have other ways to win, but also stop the problem at the same time. Taking revenge and fighting

back is not necessary because it makes the problem bigger.

In addition to choosing alternatives from taking revenge, do not become the bully. Bullying is hurting

other people, and by taking revenge you hurt someone whether if it is mentally or physically. You do

not want to hurt someone just because you took revenge, do you? You do not want the bully to feel

as bad as you did. Do you want them to go through the same pain as you did? Would you want them

to take revenge on you after you took revenge on them? No, I am sure no one wants that. You do

not want to become the bully because you did something unnecessary, do you? Becoming the bully

instead will cause you to have revenge taken later, and it will not be YOU taking revenge on

someone else. It is important that you do not become the bully instead because it is basically

changing yourself. Do not become a bully instead just because you took revenge instead.

Formatted: Centered

Comment [JH1]: Excellent hook, please reference it, even if you make it up!

Comment [JH2]: Ok, but please do not use I, you need to talk in third person. You also can add a few more point in your introduction about the topic!

Comment [JH3]: Great first paragraph, your structure is good, and your points are clear.

Comment [JH4]: Great figurative language!

Comment [JH5]: Clear points, and organization of ideas Am! Just work on not repeating your ideas!

Comment [JH6]: Please avoid saying the same word more than once in a sentence.

Am (Rairat) 7D Green – Expository Writing ‘Should we take revenge on bullies?’ ASSESSMENT

In conclusion, you should not take revenge because you should not be shifting yourself, it is not

necessary, and you should not become the bully instead. If you ignore these 3 three reasons, in the

future there will be negative consequences. Changing yourself can lead to further negative impacts

to your life, and your reputation. Taking revenge and not deciding on other positive alternatives will

cause a lot of difficulties, and it will ruin your relationships with certain people. Becoming a bully will

leave a chain reaction, resulting everyone taking revenge on each other because of the amount of

bullies increasing.

You do not have to feel like you have won just because you have taken revenge. Winning is about

believing in yourself, and knowing that nothing will hurt you unless you let it. Winning means that

you can accept yourself as the way you are and you do not care what other people think about you.

Am, very well written expository essay! If only everyone in the world had such as clear view on

bullying as you, and what it means to be a bully to someone else, the world would be a better place

for sure!

The content of your essay is excellent, there are a few times when you repeat yourself, try to avoid

this. Make one clear statement and then move on to your next point (10)

- Your essay gives 3 or more reasons to support your opinion Reasons are relevant & insightful. - It gives clear and relevant details to explain each reason.

It consistently engages reader interest.

The organization of your essay has improved. You have started to use transition sentences, that link your paragraphs, just

work on the clarity of the transitions. (9)

- Your essay has an effective beginning, middle and end. - The presentation of ideas is consistently thoughtful and smooth/logical.

Paragraphs are very well structured and include clear topic sentences, supporting sentences and concluding sentences or

transitions.

Vocabulary is good; but again try to avoid repeating the same words several times! (9)

- Your essay has very few errors in grammar, spelling and/or syntax, and these do not hinder communication of your ideas.

- The vocabulary is consistently varied, appropriate and precise. There is an excellent awareness of audience and the register used is consistently appropriate and effective.