dan's papers may 27, 2011

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Dan's Papers, the 51-year-old bible of the Hamptons, is owned by Manhattan Media, a multi-media publishing company based in New York City, the Hamptons and Miami. Dan's Papers, the first resort newspaper in America, was founded in 1960 by Dan Rattiner, who is the founder and current editor-in-chief. Known for its insider and irreverent style, Dan's Papers has become the universal must-read in the Hamptons. In addition to the weekly paper, loyal Dan's readers can keep up with the Hamptons scene all-year-round at DansHamptons.com.

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  • Week of May 27- June 3, 2011Riders this week: 11,821Rider miles this week: 106,847DOWN IN THE TUBE Writer Jay McInerney was seen on the same

    subway train between Bridgehampton and SagHarbor as Jon Stewart and Tina Fey, but each ofthem was on the train at a different time,McInerney in the morning, Stewart in the after-noon and Fey around 7 p.m. Why were they goingaround separately like this?

    GOING GREENAs I am sure you are aware, the subway sys-

    tem is now festooned with big green signs withwhite letters that read HAMPTON SUBWAYGOES GREEN in honor of the campaign to teachpeople how important it is to save the environ-ment. In the coming weeks, however, these signsare coming down as we have learned that thepaint company we hired to make these signs hasbeen charged by a government agency with usingcheap, outlawed lead-based paint on all the signs

    they produce. Since in response, the company,called Bubbling Brook Signs, has gone out ofbusiness, it remains to be seen how soon we willbe able to get them redone and back up.

    MEMORIAL DAYHampton Subway is fully prepared for the

    crowds of Memorial Day. All 30 of our pushersare going through physical training programs tobe strong enough to herd people from the plat-forms into the subway cars beginning on Friday.And to our fleet of 36 subway cars, we are addingan additional six, lent to us by the West PalmBeach Subway System. Do not be confused if thesubway you board says West Palm Beach on it.Its really just for the weekend.

    RIVAL SUBWAY SYSTEM IDEA DEFEATEDThe Hamptons Town Council has rejected an

    application for a SECOND subway system forthe Hamptons to be called the EE Subway(stands for East Endget it?). The plan, puttogether by Russian Oligarth Jawara Badanov,who recently bought a house on Meadow Lane inSouthampton, was turned down by a vote of 4-3.Reportedly, his house, which he paid $44 millionfor, is now back on the market at $27 million,first come first served.

    NEW SUBWAY TO THE BEACHThe editors of this newsletter were as shocked

    as anybody to learn on Tuesday that two newspurs have secretly been added to the line, onefrom Main Street Southampton to CoopersBeach and the other from Main Street EastHampton to Main Beach. The Southampton Spuropened for business with a ribbon cutting on theplatform at Main Beach last Saturday, reported-ly with Israeli President Benjamin Netenyahuand Chinas Prime Minister Wen Hu holding upthe two ends. We have no idea who will beattending and holding the ribbon up in EastHampton, although it is rumored it might beLady Gaga.

    BUMP REPAIREDRiders have long hung onto their seats in

    recent years as the subway passes this spotabout midway between Quogue and Quiogue,where there is a kind of speedbump. All subwayconductors are required to call out here comesthe speedbump, just before that spot is reached,and as a result of that order, there have been noincidents or injuries when the subway passesover.

    Experts hired by Hampton Subway say thisspeedbump, a lurch upwards of about eight inch-es for a four-foot stretch, say that it was causedby a very tiny earthquake, the tiniest earth-quake ever to hit the United States at 0.04,which was measured here in 1974.

    Well now, our workmen have repaired thisbump, using a bulldozer rigged up with subwaywheels, which was towed out to that part of thetunnel last Wednesday night and during the fourhours the subway is closed for maintenance, didthe work. Now everything is smooth as a goose.

    After the work was done, many of the subwayconductors say they shouted out here comes thespeedbump just out of habit, and the peoplehung on though there was no speedbump, and ittook them most of the day to remember eachtime not to say that.

    FUNDRAISER FOR THE SUBWAYBeginning this weekend, Hampton Subway

    volunteers are going to be sitting in chairsbehind folding tables on the platforms, asking

    Dans Papers May 27, 2011 danshamptons.com Page 56

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    (continued on page 60)

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  • Dans Papers May 27, 2011 danshamptons.com Page 57

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  • Dans Papers May 27, 2011 danshamptons.com Page 58

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  • Dans Papers May 27, 2011 danshamptons.com Page 60

    I heard a joke that I really like about twoweeks ago and I cant help from retelling itover and over again. This happens to all of usevery once in a while, and we cant help butrepeat the joke over and over.

    Relax, its a clean joke. Just read it, you willlaugh.

    A bird was flying south for the winter, and itwas freezing cold