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The Epistle September 21, 2012

StaffEditor-in-chiefDanielle Williamson

Staff ReportersHope LemleyEllis NoblesKourtney WadkinsJohn WilliamsonKelsi AllmanLexi Long

Contributing WriterTres Bodet

AdvisorLeigh Terrell

“The hip-ster can construct an identity in the manner of a collage or a shuffled playlist on an iPod; they take your grand-mother’s sweater and Bob Dylan’s Wayfarers, Converse All-Stars, and a can of Pabst.” Drowning in the mainstream, p. 6

“I would want it to be a com-edy and…. I would want Den-zel.” All Around Campus, p. 7

“For others, however, a few of the senses are jumbled up: some can taste music, and some can hear what should be seen only.” Orange-flavored country music and purple Thursdays, p.10

“The Internet has become the lat-est battleground in the great pet war. If dogs get the companion-ship card, cats get the computer card.” Cats vs. dogs: The great divide, p. 12

Homecoming2012

see spread for more

2 | The Epistle | September 2012

Letter from the EditorDearest Epistle readers, A wise man once said, “A letter begun with a quote is a cop-out.” Another, cooler man said: “Reading the paper, especially The Epistle, will raise all of your grades to A’s and make your locker smell like butterflies bathed in ambrosia.” If you read this paper back to front, the sweet smell of ambrosia waft-ing on the air will bring dozens of flower-bearing suitors to your back-pack (Kelis once sang about this phenomenon in her chart topping hit, “My Locker Brings All the Boys to the Hall”). If, by some twist of fate, this fool-proof strategy fails, have no fear. We at The Epistle have got you covered with our Homecoming-themed paper. Kourtney Wadkins looks into the risks associated with tanning beds, Kelsi Allman inter-views several football players, Ellis Nobles writes an intruiging article on synethesia, Hope Lemley inves-tigates the 17th Amendment, John Williamson talks about the hipster within us, and Danielle Williamson writes in third-person.

In addition, we’ve brought back a long-forgotten segment known as “All Around Campus,” in which The Epistle asks mem-bers of the St. Paul’s community deep, mind-probing questions (and by deep, I mean superficial). “All Around Campus” has its origins in the ‘80s and is thus vintage. Hip-sters, you are therefore obligated to flip to the features page to check this out now. I recommend every-one else follows suit after finishing this letter (so that the hipsters can claim that they “read it before it was cool”). Before I end my ramblings, I’d like to introduce The Epistle’s staff. Kourtney Wadkins, whom devout readers remember from last year, adores peacocks and hates horses. Hope Lemley, a sassy yet lovable sophomore, wanted to be a mermaid when she was six (sadly, this dream was inevitably crushed, so she decided to join The Epistle instead). She is joined by her friend, Ellis Nobles, a kitten kid who aspires to one day be a cat lady. Kelsi Allman and Lexi Long are our hard-hitting, softball playing se-

niors. Finally, John Williamson, our sole representative of the male race, enjoys kicking balls around the soc-cer field. This diverse cast of char-acters was brought together with one purpose in mind: to produce a paper worthy of a saint. We’ll let you be the judge of whether or not we’ve lived up to that goal. Happy homecoming and happy reading,

Danielle Williamson

The highly sophisticated staff of The Epistle

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Table of Contents

|6|Editorials

|4|Editorials

|8|Spread

|10|Features

|12 |Features

|14|Features

|16|Sports

|5|Editorials

|9|Spread

|13|Features

|7|All Around Campus

|11|Features

|15|Sports

By the numbers: Student statisticsThis month, St. Paul’s students were asked about their opinion concerning “girl’s-choice.”

4 | The Epistle | September 2012

The magic of music and wordsby Hope Lemley

Try to name the last time you went a whole day without lis-tening to any music or stories. Go on, try. I’ll wait. Chances are that you can’t, and that’s okay. In fact, it’s more than okay—it’s awesome. As hu-mans, we love music and stories. Why? Because they’re enjoyable, right? Let’s take that one step fur-ther, though: why do we enjoy these things? One of the reasons I love stories is that they take me far away. Stories offer respite from my every-day life. They take me to worlds where anything can happen, where magic fills the air and every cloud has a silver lining. Even though they are fictional, stories can teach me about myself and my world; they hold greater truths. Books and movies take me away from the present and give me hope for something new—something beauti-ful—something exciting.

Books and music appeal to human emotions. They intensify our pre-existing emotions and add new perspective and color. Music speaks to me; when nothing else can articulate what I want to say, there is always a song. Sometimes, one tune can encompass all of the despair in the world. Likewise, merely listening to an up-beat song can completely change a person’s mood. Most movies appeal to the human sense of optimism; good tri-umphs over evil, and true love con-quers all. Even tragic and frighten-ing stories covertly play with our optimism through Schadenfreude, or satisfaction at the misfortune of others. For example, when we can look at a horror film, we can say, “Well, at least I’m not being killed by an axe murderer!” We love feel-ing the suspense without the actual danger. Furthermore, many people become emotionally invested in

the characters in books and mov-ies. We rejoice with their triumphs and shout in rage at their defeat. Sometimes, the characters seem so real and complex that it is easy to imagine that they do exist in some other realm. I believe we enjoy this because it makes us feel connected, like we serve a purpose in our own story. Music and stories fly us away to far-off worlds. They give us new perspective on our everyday lives. Stories and songs speak to our emotions on a deeper level and make us feel more whole. It’s no wonder that every culture through-out history has had its own songs and stories; they’re part of what makes us human. So, bottom line: read more. Listen to music. Notice how I didn’t mention violent, shoot-‘em-up video games? Yeah. Just think about it.

Cancer coffins: the danger of tanning bedsby Kourtney Wadkins

Everybody loves a tan. You can’t deny it; everyone looks better when they’re tan. High schoolers spend countless hours at the beach to ensure we are just the right shade of bronze, but what do we do when that glorious tan starts to fade? To fall into the perilous pit of paleness would be hazardous to our social standing: so we do something much more dangerous instead. We will throw ourselves into a cancer cof-fin, or tanning bed, all in the name of beauty. What we see as a gorgeous glow is actually damaged or dead

skin cells lying on top of our bod-ies. Tans are caused by ultraviolet radiation either from the sun or from UV lamps inside of tanning beds. This radiation can lead to premature aging of your skin. That means wrinkles that no amount of Botox or Olay Ultra Moisturizing Cream can fix. More importantly, it can also cause skin cancer. Skin cancer can kill. Unfor-tunately, cases in teens and children are becoming more and more com-mon. 90% of all pediatric skin can-cer cases happen in girls from 10 to 19. People who tan indoors are 74%

more likely to develop melanoma, a particularly vicious strain of skin cancer, than people who’ve never been in a tanning bed. Skin cancer is the most common type of cancer in America; one in five Americans will develop melanoma in their lifetime. Despite these risks, people continue tanning, putting them-selves in danger for just a few weeks of color. As someone who has had loved ones experience skin cancer (as well as myself), I can honestly tell you that tanning is not worth it. cont.. on pg. 5

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Dubstepby John Williamson

The cacophonic phenome-non known as “Dubstep” has taken the adolescents of America by storm. This heart-pumping, sei-zure-inducing, life-changing blend of bass drops and wobbles has resulted in a surge of DJ’s who wish to compose the filthiest assemble of ‘wubs’ which one could only dare to dream of. As a sub-sub-sub-genre of electronic music, dubstep has been rising in popularity since early 2010. Dubstep can be described in many different ways. In the opin-ion of this reporter, dubstep is like riding to Narnia on an electric spaceship, powered with 200 MHz subwoofer engines, piloted by Opti-mus Prime. This aircraft flies at 180 bpm and experiences a bit of wob-bly turbulence as it passes through clouds of bass and sub-bass blaring audio thunder whilst soaring over a roaring sea of dying computers and dial-up modems. Lately, dubstep has risen in commercial success through elec-tro-house/dubstep artists Skrillex and Deadmau5. Skrillex specializes in a sub-genre of dubstep, known as ‘brostep’, typically characterized by more aggressive and louder beats than traditional dubstep. Unlike traditional dubstep production styles that emphasize sub-bass con-tent, brostep accentuates the middle register and features robotic fluctu-ations with metal-esque aggression. The term brostep has been used by some as a condescending descriptor for a style of popular Americanized

dubstep. Some bask in this ear-gasmic thrashing and gnashing of the bass, just wobbling away, while others find it a little too extreme for their blood pressure to handle. I know I can’t go long without my daily dose of dubstep. It’s what wakes me up in the morn-ing. My neighbors can’t seem to get enough of it either; they throw

rocks through my windows just so that they can hear it better. I will most likely be deaf by the time I reach the age of 40, but it’s a small price to pay to experience the sheer awesomeness of dubstep.

image courtesy static.thematapicture.com

Cancer coffins cont. Though you may not like being pale now, you will like yourself for staying that way. Is being a tan teen

now worth being a cancer-riddled, elderly looking 45 year old? I don’t think so, but the choice is yours.

6 | The Epistle | September 2012

Drowning in the mainstreamby John Williamson

Speaking of the degen-eration of our most visible recent subculture, the hipster, is an awk-ward occasion. Someone will point out that hipsters re not dead, “they still breathe, and they live on my block!” Yet it is evident that we have reached the end of a certain hipster epoch, and the beginning of a new breed of the “indie hipsters” or “fake hipters.” This new type of hipster has survived this year; and it may persist. For the hipster has been reborn, with dramatic shifts in appearances over the decade in the American shopping mall, where Hot Topic sells thick-framed lens-less eyeglasses to tweens and Nine West sells a “Hipster” sandal. Hipsters know things the rest of us don’t, and they want us to know that they knew it, too. They are cooler than you or I. They were cool before it was cool. Or maybe they are ironically cool (cool af-ter it was cool). One thing about hipsters is certain: they can be particularly annoying. The hipster can construct an identity in the manner of a collage, or a shuffled playlist on an iPod; they take your grand-mother’s sweater and Bob Dylan’s Wayfarers, Converse All-Stars, and a can of Pabst. They have facial hair of 19th-century weightlifters. Wearing too-tight jeans, they ride “fixie” bikes with no brakes. As stores, such as Urban Outfitters, have mass-produced hipster chic, hipsterdom has become a part of

mainstream culture, overshadowing its originators’ still strong alterna-tive art and music scene. The hip-sters who optimized the dead end of Western Civilization are the ones who add nothing new or original and simply recycle and reduce old trends into a meaningless meme. The hipster, in essence, has been about superior knowledge called “a priorism.” Hipsterdom has developed from a sense of paranoia from specific groups in America

that felt that they were subject to decisions made about their lives by hidden powerful conspiracies. The hip reaction was to symbolically insist on forms of knowledge that they possessed before anyone else. All hipsters play at being the inven-tors or first adopters of novelties: pride comes from knowing, and

deciding, what’s cool before the rest of the world. The habits of hatred and accusation are endemic to hip-sters because they feel the weakness of everyone’s position – including their own. Acknowledging anyone that is trying desperately to boost himself instantly undoes them as an adversary. He’s a fake, while you are a natural aristocrat of taste. That’s why “He’s not for real, he’s just a hipster” is a potent insult among all the people identifiable as hipsters

themselves. One can argue for days that a perfect defini-tion of hipsters is nonex-istent. Real hipsters deny they’re hipsters, faux his-pters bask in hipster perfor-mativity. Nobody wins. The truth is there is no clear-cut definition of being a “hip-ster” because hipsterdom exists in a continuum. Even the attempt to analyze the hipster provokes univer-sal anxiety because it calls everyone’s bluff. Hipsters aren’t the only ones un-nerved. Many of us try to justify our privileges and reflect our inner superior-ity by pretending our tastes in style is superb to those around us. But, it is simply our human nature, which

prevails us to dominate over one another through what is considered superior; hipsterdom isn’t an un-natural act to differentiate oneself from society. It’s one of our natural instincts as human beings.

image courtesy us2.memecdn.com

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All around campusHope Lemley

Josh Casher: “I would want it to be a comedy and…. I would want Den-zel.”

Allie Frederick: “An 80s movie and Molly Ringwald.”

Brett Erickson: “Adam Sandler would play me, and it would be a com-edy.”

Wade Naritoku: “My life would be a fantasy, and I would want Morgan Free-man to play me, because why not?”

Lee Bonner: “Dis-ney and Jennifer Aniston.”

Varshini Venkate-san: “Thriller/suspense and Tom Cruise.”

William Russell: “I’d want it to be an action movie, and I’d want Benton [Weinacker] to play me.”

Mr. Brigham: “How about a comedy and Zach Galifanakis.”

Harbour Stevens: “Romantic com-edy and Brad Pitt, obviously.”

Thomas Alford: “Sci-fi, and I would choose Chuck Nor-ris.”

Mrs. Garver: “I think I would like to have a com-edy starring Meryl Streep. Or maybe a comedy musical.”

Dalton Bentley: “Adventure/action, and I want to be played by Nicholas Cage.”

Michael Wilkins: “Definitely a romantic com-edy with Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet.”

Lillie Hedberg: “A romantic comedy, I think, and I would want Jennifer Law-rence to play me!”

If your life was a movie, what

genre would it be? Who would

play you?

8 | The Epistle | September 2012

Behind the scenes with Bess Nichols

Homecoming is one of the biggest events of the year. It’s the one week that gives you an excuse to act crazy and show your school spirit. It’s an exciting time that ev-eryone gets excited about, and it’s one of those things that you don’t forget. Every year the Student Government Association works tirelessly to make sure that that year’s homecoming is the most memorable ever. Most of the time, that hard work goes unnoticed. But this year, The Epistle decided to talk with Bess Nichols, the SGA president, about what to expect during homecoming and just how much work goes into flawlessly pulling one off.

The Epistle: Just how long has the SGA been making plans for home-coming?Bess Nichols: We’ve been plan-ning this Homecoming since basi-cally last year’s homecoming, but we started making concrete plans in July.E: What’s going to be different

about this year?BN: The homecoming day sched-ule has been rearranged so that we can have a better homecoming day! The pep rally is going to be first, and game show is going to be last! I think this schedule is going to work so much better. Also, underclass-men will enjoy that powder puff is shorter!E: What’s the most enjoyable part about planning for and running

homecoming?BN: I’m a planner, it’s just how I am. I love this kind of thing. It’s a bit stressful the day of, because I start working at about 6:00 AM and don’t stop until 1:00 AM on Satur-day when the dance is over and the gym is cleaned up.E: Will there be any surprises this year during homecoming?BN: It wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you!

what’s in storeMonday:Cookies after Chapel in Saint’sSquareTuesday:Lollipops during lunchWednesday:Moe’s Southwest catered lunchThursday:Wear Homecoming t-shirt Friday:Jungle-themed OOUDoughnuts in Saint’s SquarePowderpuff in the gymGameshow in the theater

homecoming

Lacking a dress? Seeking fashion advice? Turn to page 11 for more

by Kourtney Wadkins

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2012Game show shenanigans

The Epistle interviewed William Konrad and Jonathan Landry, two of the four Game Show hosts. Game Show is a well-known source of entertainment that occurs the Friday of Homecoming.Epistle: Are you guys looking for-ward to Game Show?William Konrad: We are abso-lutely not. This could possibly be the worst Game Show ever… No, I’m just kidding. For the most part, yeah. I mean, I’m always excited to host stuff… It’s going to be fun working with my buddies Jonathan, Henry, and my son Sam Hicks.

The Epistle: Do you guys know anything about the history of Game Show?Jonathan Landry: It’s awesome.William Konrad: Yeah, besides it being awesome, it’s gone through a lot of bumpy patches in the road. At one point it was Male Pageant, because [Game Show] was taken away. Besides that, I don’t really know.Jonathan Landry: At one point it was terminated. WK: It was terminated. Com-pletely.E: Do you guys have to practice for Game Show, or anything like that?WK: I don’t really say we have a practice. We have meetings where we’re going to write everything, and [right] before Game Show we’re go-ing to have a run through to make

sure everything goes smoothly.E: Do you guys have a script?JL: Honestly, we just go out there and do whatever.WK: Like Talent Show last year,

it was kind of winged on what we said. There was no punch lines or anything. … We’ll have set skits and an order that we have to follow. We’ll have to go in chronological order, but jokes won’t be rehearsed jokes. If anything’s funny, it will probably be spur of the moment.JL: Comic talk show.E: What is the purpose of Game Show?WK: There really is no purpose. It’s just to give us a free day before Homecoming.JL: It kinda gets people going, it’s good entertainment.

E: Why is it fun for you?WK: Well, I like being large and in charge, and I’m definitely large… I just like to get up in front of people and entertain them and try to make people laugh. Hopefully I will.E: Did you have to try out to get to do Game Show?WK: It was more or less a job interview.E: How did you know about these interviews?JL: They told us. For this year for Game Show, they had a sign-up sheet on the SGA board.E: Is there going to be anything especially different this year about Game Show, or is it going to be like past years?WK: We can’t disclose any infor-mation. As far as we’re concerned, it’s going to be the same boring Game Show you know and love.E: Are you guys going to have to do anything especially embarrassing?WK: Honestly, I don’t think so. Anything that we’re going to be doing for Game Show is gonna be [something we’re all comfortable with] because we all thought it’d be funny, and we all were like, “Hey, let’s do this; it’s a good idea.” So it’s nothing that we’re not comfortable with.

See William and Jonathan in the theater Friday, Sept. 28th following Powderpuff.

by Ellis Nobles

William Konrad will head the comedic geniuses hosting Game Show this year.

10 | The Epistle | September 2012

Orange-flavored country music and purple thursdays

by Ellis Nobles For most people, the five main senses are separate and distinct; for most people, numbers have only a value and letters have only a sound. For others, however, a few of the senses are jumbled up: some can taste music, and some can hear what should be seen only. For others, including myself, numbers and letters have colors and person-alities. We weren’t dropped in toxic waste when we were babies, and we don’t belong in a freak show or a sci-fi movie. We simply have a neurological condition called syn-esthesia, a word meaning “confu-sion of the senses.” In other words, there are connections in our brains between senses or concepts that shouldn’t exist. There are many different types of synesthesia, and those who have it are likely to have more than one type. For one friend of mine, listening to music floods her mouth with different tastes. To her, “Mis-ery Business” by Paramore tastes like black licorice, country music tastes like oranges, and Michael Jackson’s “Man in the Mirror” tastes like sour grapes. This isn’t because of a wonderful imagination; this is because of synesthesia. For as long as she can remember, she has al-ways tasted music. Until I told her about synesthesia, she had no idea that her condition wasn’t normal. She had always assumed that other people got a taste in their mouth when listening to music, too. There is no such thing as silence for another friend of mine.

She can hear things that she should not. Her cat flicking his ear, the cursor on the computer screen blinking, someone waving to their friend--they all make a sound. Last year, when the screen of my rickety old R60 was dying (and, as a result, flickering), my friend informed me that it was annoying her, both visually and audibly. For her, there is no such thing as sight without sound. My own synesthesia is more common than either of theirs, and it does not involve any of the five senses. For me, numbers, letters, and days of the week have colors and personalities. The letter H, the number 8, and Wednesday are all different shades of yellow, while the letters D and U, the number 4, and Thursday are all some sort of purple. The number 7 is a sharp-tongued, feisty young woman. The number 9 is a somewhat mysteri-ous man, but he’s also a bit shy; the number 8 is a caring, quiet, motherly man. Each of the days of the week have a color (except for Tuesday and Friday—I can’t quite figure those two out). Like the two synesthetes I mentioned above, I didn’t know that what I had was abnormal until I found out about synesthesia. Synesthesia has always been around, of course, but people weren’t always aware that it was an actual neurological condition. It has been a subject of interest longer than one might think. Ancient Greeks may have demonstrated interest in it. Scholars, like Isaac

Newton, commented on the rela-tionship between sound and color. People in more recent centuries thought that synesthesia was simply a symptom of schizophrenia. Many famous people are synesthetes. Jimi Hendrix associ-ated music with colors. He used what he called the “purple chord”—now commonly referred to as the Hendrix chord by guitarists—in his song “Purple Haze”. Lady Gaga ap-parently has the same type of synes-thesia as Jimi Hendrix, and Patrick Stump, the lead singer of Fallout Boy, has the same type I have. Marilyn Monroe seems to have had some sort of auditory synesthesia. Pythagoras, a famous man hated by many a triangle-challenged middle schooler, assigned personalities to numbers. Synesthesia is becoming more and more a topic of inter-est for everyone, from scientists to middle schoolers browsing the Internet. So the next time your friend asks you, “You know how Monday is kind of yellow?”, don’t look at them like they’ve grown another head, tell them about their synesthesia!

image courtesy sileantreaper.deviantart.com

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Dressed to danceHomecoming is almost here! SGA is hard at work putting the final touches on everything, and the football team is busy practicing for one of the most important games of the year. But after the game comes the dance. Let’s face it, dances are awkward, and they always will be. But nothing is nearly as awkward when you look good. Here are a few tips on what is going to be hot for homecoming this year. Dresses are a must! Short dresses are usually better just because it’s a lot less formal than prom, and because it’s usually hot. Bright colors are huge this year! Orange and emerald green are the most on trend, but any bright, attention-grabbing color should do.

One shoulder dresses, sparkle, and sweetheart necklines are recom-mended. Poufy, empire wasted

dresses are being replaced with more body hugging silhouettes and sleeves this fall season. Whatever your look will be this year at homecoming, remem-ber that one of the most important thing is functionality. Make sure your dress is something that you are comfortable and not afraid to dance in. That’s what really matters. Having a more relaxed dress could be a blessing by the end of the long, drawn out week of homecoming. Above all else, find something you love because the happier you are, the better you will look!

image courtesy henris.com

by Kourtney Wadkins

Asymmetrical, one-shoulder dresses are picking up speed this season in the fashion world

Isaac: The hurricane that wasn’t?by Tres Bodet

Hurricane Isaac was not the category three beast it was fore-casted to be. However, it got us out of school for a couple of days and thus warrants some thought. Winds didn’t exceed 80 miles per hour, and the eye was rather undefined. Yet the consequences following its landfall, eerily on the eve of Ka-trina’s seventh anniversary, were unexpected for a “meager” category one. Some say Isaac pales in comparison to the power of its predecessors, Katrina and Ivan. Ka-trina, with its well-defined eye and 20 foot storm surges, makes Isaac’s 12 foot surges look like child’s play. In terms of rainfall, however, Isaac holds its own. According to the Washington Post, Isaac’s massive

size, extremely slow speed, and awkward angle of approach caused lingering rainfall that topped the charts at 7.86 inches around New Orleans, markedly reaching almost a foot around the Audubon Zoo. This dominates the previous re-cord of 4.5 inches held by Katrina. Pascagoula recorded over 21 inches of rain in some places, and Mobile reported nearly 5 inches at the airport. Isaac was also the cause of almost 50 NOAA issued tornado warnings and over 15 reported tornado sightings. Material dam-age caused by Isaac comes out at approximately $27 billion, mak-ing category 3 Ivan’s $1.5 billion in damages seem cheap. The tracking of Isaac was just as unpredictable as the severity

of the storm itself. The original pre-diction had it tracking into the pan-handle and Georgia. Then, every few hours, the path inched to the west. The predictions crawled their way from Tallahassee to Pensacola and finally came to a rest in the general area between Baton Rouge and Mobile. Isaac made landfall right over New Orleans, where it paused in the French Quarter before making its way up through Louisiana. It continued upward through Arkansas and Missouri before finishing its path in Illinois as a tropical depression. Though this hurricane was not all it was hyped up to be, it was far more than the get-out-of-school summer thunderstorm it’s denounced as.

12 | The Epistle | September 2012

Cats vs. Dogs: the Great Divideby Danielle Williamson

There is a great war raging. It has infiltrated our homes and our heads, pulling at our heartstrings manipulating us—okay, never mind. The warring parties are now attempting to track down a red dot. Correction: there was a great war raging. It was staged between the ferocious felines and carnivorous canines, bent on winning humanity’s favor—scratch that, somebody turned off the laser point-er—the red dot is gone, and they’re fighting again. Dogs, first appearing at hu-manity’s side 35,000 years ago, have the clear upper hand in the “I was here first” argument. In fact, burial grounds dating approximately 6,200 years ago indicate that in the Cis-Baikal region of Siberia in late Mesolithic/early Neolithic Kitoi period, some societies even elevated select dogs to the status of “person-hood.” Dogs and humans were brought together because their relationship was (and remains today) mutually beneficial. To early humans, dogs were like hyper-sensitive motion detectors, warning their companions of nearby danger in addition to aiding in the herding and hunting of animals. To early dogs, humans were providers of shelter and food. This relationship has evolved today into one of com-panionship, complete with health benefits such as lowering stress-

levels. The alliance between cats and humans has been developing over a comparatively small period of 9,500 years. This date, based on the discovery of a dual cat-human grave, has been met with consider-able dispute by archeologists. Cat domestication in itself is a murkier

issue than its canine counterpart. This is due to cats’ willingness and ability to mate with their wild cousins (making tracking specific, “domestic” characteristics difficult) as well as their less-than-social tendencies (which complicates the process of determining the degree of human interaction). Some archeologists specu-late that cats were drawn to human settlements to feast on an abun-dance of rodents. Humans kept the cats on as permanent housekeep-ers, because having an infestation of cats eating vermin was favorable to an infestation of vermin eating their food. This mutual hatred of rats would eventually blossom into the “feed-me-then-leave-me-alone

here’s-a-dead-squirrel-for-your-efforts” relationship cats share with their humans today. Perhaps more important than the afore-mentioned dynamic is the reaction people have to cats that aren’t theirs. That’s right. It’s time to talk cat memes. The inter-net has become the latest battle-

ground in the great pet war, and if dogs get the companion-ship card, cats get the computer card. The earliest mass posting of cat pictures can be traced back to 2000 on a site called rec.pets.cats, an advice forum for cat own-ers. It was in Japan, however, that the arrival of affordable digital cameras,

an increase in the popularity of blogging, and an intense adoration of cats coincided perfectly to give birth to a trend that would forever shape the internet: cat memes. Cat memes quickly proliferated and spread to English-speaking inter-net communities, launching off of hubs such as Something Awful and 4chan. It was here that LOLcats first bellowed it’s mighty meow. LOL-cats, images of felines with text in LOLspeak (purposefully grammati-cally incorrect fragments such as “I Can Haz Cheezburger”) superim-posed over them. Since then, cat memes have multiplied faster than their ancestors killed rats. Chemistry cat (“What do you do with a dead

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the forgotten amendmentby Hope Lemley

Pop quiz: what does the 17th amendment say? If pressed, most people would probably say that it has something to do with human rights or the like. There’s no catchy Schoolhouse Rock tune to help you remember it, so the 17th amendment must not be that important, right? As it hap-pens, this little-known amendment is stirring up quite a controversy. Basically, the 17th amend-ment gives citizens the right to directly elect their own senators. Before the amendment was rati-fied in 1913, state legislatures, not the citizens, appointed senators. A growing number of senators are calling for the repeal of the 17th amendment. Supporters of the repeal maintain that the Senate was cre-ated to represent the states, not the people. “The direct election of U.S. Senators made the U.S. Senate act and behave like the House of Representatives. The end result has led to an erosion of states’ rights,” said former Rep. Pete Hoekstra, a Republican who is running for Sen-ate in Michigan. Those who support the 17th amendment see the issue in a different light. “Here again we

see Pete Hoekstra of-fering another bizarre idea that will give more power to the insiders and the special interests taking power from the people of Michigan, and [which] does absolutely nothing to create jobs or strengthen the middle class,” said Mark Brewer, Michigan Democratic Party chair. Richard Mour-dock, the Republican nominee for Senate in Indiana, hails the repeal as a way to cut down on the role of money in politics. “In today’s world, we see millions and millions of dol-lars spent on Senate campaigns,” Mourdock said. “Two years ago, in 2010, Sharron Angle out in Nevada spent $31 million dollars, just her-self. How much money would be spent in federal Senate races if the state legislators were electing those people? You just took the money out of politics.” In response, those in favor of the 17th amendment would argue that repealing the amendment would lead to more corruption in the ap-pointment of senators. Before the

17th amendment was ratified, some state legislatures were giving away Senate seats to the highest bidder. In 1912, supporters of Sen. William Lorimer (R-Ill) amassed $100,000—the equivalent of nearly $2.4 mil-lion today—to secure his place in the Senate.This controversy ties back into the larger questions that plague the po-litical sphere to no end: what role should money play in politics? Are the citizens and the government separate entities, or are they one and the same? And, most impor-tantly, is this the proper occasion for Schoolhouse Rock to write a song about the 17th amendment?

photo courtesy usdailyreview.com

Richard Mourdock, Republican nominee in the Indiana Senate race, proposes repealing the 17th Amendment to reduce the role of money in politics.

Cats vs. Dogs cont. scientist?/Barium”), hipster cat (“If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it/I’d buy the soundtrack”), anxiety cat (“Finally decides to make important phone call/hopes no one answers”), and business cat (“Deficit?/You gotta be kitten me”), along with a multitude of others, have more than scratched the web’s hall-of-fame—they’ve

gouged it. With their clever kitten claws. Dogs have responded to this chal-lenge by mounting the Corgi-coun-ter-offensive. The trend of posting videos and pictures of this low-to-the-ground fluff puff also originated in Japan, albeit with far less conse-quence. Corgi potential is high, but plagued by doubts that the pups

will fulfill it. Regardless petlitical affiliation, all can agree that the cats vs. dogs con-flict is entertaining to wa—never mind. They stopped again. Darn laser pointers.

pictures courtesy memegenerator.com and dailypuppy.com

14 | The Epistle | September 2012

The Olympic Games have grown dramatically since 1908, which was the last time they were hosted in London. At that time a little more than 2,000 athletes -- nearly all of them men -- competed for 110 gold medals. This past summer, more than five times that many athletes (10,500), competed for 302 gold medals. The Olympics have evolved to include a variety of competitions where thousands of the world’s foremost athletes compete on the international stage. These athletes strive to bring back the not only the gold medal, but also honor to their country. Ath-letes that compete in these events are the best of the best; to win a medal in the Olympics does not take luck, but years of specialized training (even though some sports, such as badminton, seem to take less skill and training than others). Nevertheless, taking home gold is an honor enjoyed by only the

best in his or her field. The Summer Olympics are held every four years. This past Summer Olympics, held in Eng-land marked another triumphant Olympic games for the Ameri-cans. At the end of the two weeks, America sat first in the medal count with a stunning 46 gold medals, 29 silver, and 29 bronze. Second in the medal count was China, who won 38 gold medals, 27 silver, and 23 bronze. Some speculate that countries like China and the United States are almost expected to triumph above the smaller countries because massive populations create a larger pool to pick athletes from. In the United States, credit is mainly due to the extremely competitive nature of American sports, which results in greater athletes that can compete on the Olympic stage. Unlike most competitive events, the Olympics games have a certain ability to unite each coun-try together. Nonetheless national-ism has still infused itself with the Olympics. At the Olympic Games nationalism originates in making

appearances in ancient Greece, peaking during the Cold War, and still going strong in London in 2012. It’s only natural that at this most global event, unfolding in this most multinational of cities, ques-tions concerning national identity and the very essence of nation-hood arise. Though the original Athlete’s Oath, which was intro-duced in Antwerp in 1920, was changed in the 1960’s to remove the original pledge to compete “for the honor of our country” athletes now pledge to compete “for the honor of our teams;” the national pride each athlete brings to his or her country when winning gold remains indisputably present. We can expect the same display of nationalistic pride in the upcoming 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics from the host country, Russia, which was demonstrated by England.

images courtesy dailymail.co.uk, bleacher-report.net

Olympic prideby John Williamson

The first world records of the London 2012 Olympics was set by a blind South Korean archer -- Im Dong Hyun is legally classified as blind and cannot see out of his right eye. His disability it did not stop the two-time gold medalist bettering his own lead-ing 72-arrow score in the qualification competition at Lord’s cricket ground in the British capital.

For the third straight Olympics, he is the most decorated swimmer; in his “Hello, World” moment he earned eight medals in Athens (six gold, two bronze) at the age of 19 in 2004. In 2008, a master at the height of his powers he earned eight more in Beijing – all gold. He grabbed six more in London (four gold, two silver) in a display of both fallibility and resilience that ended with three straight golds. He didn’t just surpass that mark of medals won by an individual swimmer, he nearly doubled it. He’s done to the Olympic medal records what Jerry Rice did to NFL receiving records.

A winner of four gold medals in swim-ming at the London Olympics, Missy Franklin, a 17-year-old girl from Colo-rado, is considered to be the women’s equivalent to Michael Phelps. She won five medals -- a bronze in the 4x100-meter freestyle relay, golds in the 100- and 200-meter backstroke events, and relay golds in the 4x100-meter medley and the 4x200-meter freestyle. Because of her achievements on the national stage, it’s easy to say every college swim-ming program in the country would love to see her with them.

15

The hidden dynamics of marching bandby Ellis Nobles

There is no family that more closely fits the word “dysfunctional” than does the St. Paul’s marching band. Our journey is a dynamic one, from sweating buckets dur-ing the dreaded week of band camp to blaring and drumming as loud as physically possible on that last football game of the year. We celebrate the touchdowns and first-downs louder than anyone else in the stadium. We follow the team everywhere, even to the away games, which means piling into a noisy, hot school bus with our jack-ets hanging in their bags from the storage racks above us and our hat boxes and flip folders in our laps. During the games, any antagonisms we may have with each other melt away as we play our souls out, cheering on our team. We become one—a body of noise that a high school football game just wouldn’t seem right without. The band is broken up into three main sections: the wood-winds, the brass, and percussion. In general, the members of each group are closer to their own sec-tion than to the members of other sections. Each group contributes different elements, both musical and personal, to the band. “The brass players are more

confident,” says Trent Larson, a senior saxophone player, “while the woodwind players tend to be more shy. Generally, the drums are the cool guys.” The “confident” brass sec-tion is split up into two different subsections: trumpets and low brass, which includes mellophones, baritones, trombones, and tubas. The brass section adds an unmis-takable, vibrant sound to the band. The woodwind section includes flutes, clarinets, and saxophones. Like the musicians who play them, the woodwinds are soft-spoken, providing a smooth backing to the intensity of the brass section. The bold, “cool guys” of the percussion section supply the beat so we stay in step (well, some of us, anyway). They give us the tempo, and build a rhythmic framework off which the rest of the band builds its sound. The sections of the band balance each other out; without any one section, it wouldn’t be quite the same. In the same way, the mem-bers themselves balance each other out. There are funny members, seri-ous members, and shy members. There are introverts and extroverts. We don’t all get along at times, but

the variety of personalities even each other out. This is part of the appeal of being in the marching band. “Band is a class to look for-ward to, in my eyes, because some-thing funny happens in there every day, whether it’s Jonathan saying, ‘Finish him!’ or Mr. Davis making one of those cheesy jokes,” says Ra-ven Mestas, a sophomore trumpet player. Raven also commented on the general air of acceptance: “The band will accept anybody, whether they’re fat, nerdy, cool, weird, or Raven.” As marching season goes on, the band members get closer and closer. Like any other small, close-knit group of students, there are differences that occasionally need to be sorted out, but that comes along with being a family. “By the end of the season, we’ve become closer, we all know each other,” said Trent Larson. “While we may not all be best friends, we care about each other and look out for each other, and that’s what makes us a family.”

image courtesy Halo staff

16 | The Epistle | September 2012

A winning mentality

Coming up

While the student body is getting ready for homecom-ing through Spirit week and the Homecoming dance on Friday, The football players have a dif-ferent approach. The football players seem to be very excited. However, still calm and fo-cused. I got a closer feel of how the football players are think-ing about the Homecoming football game against Choctaw County. I decided to talk to de-fensive tackle Jared Holloway, center Robert Johnston, and line backer Zavier Carmichael.

The Epistle: How are you getting ready for Homecoming? Jared Holloway: We’re taking it one game at a time.Zavier Carmichael: By staying focused, paying attention during practice, getting all my work done, and sleeping a lot.E: What do you guys predict of Choctaw County? JH: I expect them to play hard. But I think we will come out, play

how we know we can play, and dominate.Robert Johnston: They will not be anything special, but we never take any opponent lightly. We will treat this game just like any other.E: What do you expect the score to be?JH: Very one sided. 56-12, St. Paul’s way.Robert Johnston: SPS 56 - 0.E: How do you feel about the new head coach Coach Mask? ZC: He’s a great coach. I’m glad to

be a player underneath him.RJ: In my opinion, Coach Mask is the best coach to come through St. Paul’s. Coach Perry built this team, but Coach Mask’s leader-ship and coaching ability is what’s going to take us far this season.E: How is this season expect-ed to be?JH: We have big expectations. We expect nothing less than a state championship.ZC: Great, as long as we stay healthy and humble.

RJ: We are expected to have a very successful season; it all depends on how bad we want it and how hard we play every game. Each of these players are very excited looking through this 2012-2013 season, and they all expect nothing less than a huge win in the Homecoming Game against Choc-taw County.

by Kelsi Allman

September 26th................Faculty development, half-daySeptember 28th................Homecoming October 12th....................End first quarterOctober 17th....................PSAT (Freshmen, Sophomores, Juniors)

October 19th....................Out of UniformOctober 25th....................Fall ShowOctober 26th...................Epistle distributed