student magazine - spring 2009

magazine

March 2009

what to dowhen you’re

IVEY 101St. Patty’s Day Guide

St. Patrick’s MagicGreen Recipes

20tricks of the trade

Baileys Irish Cream Cake

summer-time faves to get you through

the snowFOR YOUR

DEBUT

ISSUE

STUDENT

passingthe time:classroom solutions

PLUS:

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iced

Get SeenAdvertising with STUDENT gets your message to the

thousands of STUDENT readers who notice and read your ads everytime they open their copy of STUDENT.

After all, we print what’s REALLY on students’ minds!

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STUDENTmagazine

In every issue4 Future Forecast Star charts for St. Patty’s Day5 Welcome to STUDENT From the students at STUDENT21 Keeping Active in Class For those lectures that never seem to end

St. Patty’s Day6 The Magic of St. Patrick What’s in a day?10 St. Patty’s Day Recipes Making your day magically delicious13 Beating the Booze Hangover remedies for any morning after

contentsSTUDENTMarch 2009 Debut Issue

magazine

Editor-in-ChiefMarshall Goldfarb

Creative DirectorBailey Spagat

Copy Editor Copy Assistant Tracy Goldfarb Jessica Ringel

STUDENT AssistantJessica Ross

Editorial ContributorsJenna Siciliano, Julianne Fogarty, Marshall Goldfarb, Caitlin Conroy, Tracy

Goldfarb, Leanne MarkModels

Camilla Kocwin, Lauren Israel, Lexi Rose, Lindsay Wittmann, Max Rachinsky

just your ordinary day in the snow

Features8 How-To Making student life a little easier15 Summer Dream in a Sub-Zero Scene Solving your winter woes20 The Big 2-0 We’re all getting a little older everyday23 Grade Change Form Just in case midterms have got you down25 Ivey 101 Surviving business school

15

13

coverSTUDENT

Lauren IsraelUniversity of Western Ontario

Information and Media Studies3rd year

Cover Photographer James Sayers Hair Cassie Greenberg Makeup Dena Berzen Swimwear provided by Archies Surf Shop

solutions for those great nights and not so great mornings

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AD HERE

Saint Patrick’s Day—A day to drink, be marry, drink some more, and make love- all while pimped out in green. Some people make plans for St. Patty’s Day, while others just go with the flow. With so much to do on the festive holiday, it’s hard to know where to begin. So, it’s time to break out those star-charts and consult the skies to see how you should be spending your St. Patrick’s Day!

future forecast

Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19) Set off after a whopping Irish breakfast and spend a wild day and night on a St. Patrick’s Day pub crawl – meeting up with old friends and exes along the way!

Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20)Throw a last minute luck-of-the-Irish party. Thanks to a little help from nu-merous friends, there will be plenty of booze and lost ambitions to go around!

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)Chances are you could get lucky today and get the day off. If you’re clever, you’ll take a long nap before the may-heim begins.

Leo(July 23 - Aug 22)You love attention, and today is no different. You’ll find yourself in the limelight and love every moment of it. Cheers to that!

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22)Who needs game when luck is on your side? Finding your four-leaf clover may be easier for you today, so you can do whatever your heart desires.

Libra(Sept 23 - Oct 22)Hit every ol’ Irish establishment in town today, balancing out your time so that everyone gets their fair dose of you. Heck, it’s not every day the snakes get driven out, so party like you’re the patron saint.

Scorpio(Oct 23 - Nov 21)You’ll be the best dressed leprechaun at the party! Deck yourself out in fes-tive colours, and track down those nay-sayers who refused to go green. A little pinch and a good luck kiss can make even the skeptics change their ways!

Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21)Got a sweet tooth? Today, you’ll be munching on all the yummy Irish treats, including buttercream, cakes, and ‘that meal they call a beer’- Guinness. As for alcohol, have a specialty drink such as an Irish Coffee. Give in to your urges too—today’s your day to splurge!

Capricorn(Dec 22 - Jan 19)Today’s your day to dance like an Irish-man, so get out your clogs and do a little jig! It might help to have some alcohol in your system first.

Aquarius(Jan 20 - Feb 18)You can bet that all the green streamers and little paper leprechauns adorning the walls are the work of an Aquarius. When planning your party, feel free to go all out. It’s what you do best!

Always the dreamer! You can easily manifest all the luck you want this St. Patrick's Day by putting your mystical mind to it! Unfortunately, dreaming is all you’re going to be doing that night.

Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20)

4 STUDENT March 2009

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)An unexpected kiss is bound to come your way today. Don’t worry if you for-get your green, we know you’ve been longing for that little pinch!

Check outstudentmagazine.ca

for awsome St. Patty’s Dayparty ideas!!

ST

UD

EN

Twelcome to STUDENT

STUDENT wants you!aspiring model?budding journalist?

As Editor-In-Chief of STUDENT, I’d like to take this op-portunity to welcome you to Canada’s student experience maga-zine, where we print what’s REALLY on your mind.

One of the biggest problems with today’s student ex-perience is that there is no well-rounded student publication. A magazine that students can take to an early class, read while pre-tending to study, or just keep with them for when they’re bored. A publication where students can express themselves, rant and rave, check out what’s going on in the student world, or just use as a time filler. Now introducing STUDENT magazine, Canada’s REAL student-written, student-run, student-life publication. So sit back, relax, and enjoy!

Do you have a strong opinion about an issue? Do you have a rant, complaint, comment, or topic that you want to dis-cuss? Do you just like writing? Try submitting an article to STU-ENT magazine. Having an article published is a great way to gain real world experience and get your name out there, in addition to letting fellow students know how you feel about certain issues. We’re looking for interesting articles about any topic that students can enjoy in their free time or something to help occupy them dur-ing boring lectures and early morning classes. Whether it’s about fashion, love, student issues, world issues, or something random - any article will do. So get the word out and start writing!

PLUS: Does the snow melt around you as you walk? Do you have your own private bouncer at clubs? Whether you said yes or no to either, STUDENT wants you. We are now looking for our next coverSTUDENT and models! So if you think you have what it takes to represent your school where it counts, and to show Canadian students what makes your University or College the best, then send in your photographs! Who knows, you may be the new face of STUDENT.

STUDENT is your magazine. Discover with us all that student life has to offer.

Marshall GoldfarbEditor-In-Chief, STUDENT magazine

[email protected] submit articles or photos send us an email at [email protected] all other inquiries, email [email protected]

March 2009 STUDENT 5

All warmed up: Marshall with model Camilla after the winter photo shoot (on page 15). For more backstage

photos check out www.studentmagazine.ca

ma

ga

zine

As reading week has come and gone, most of us are sad to be back at school and into the daily grind of university school work. Like many other students in university, my time is spent at the library and eating stale bagels from the Tim Horton’s in the student centre. The long days filled with classes and studying leave me yearning for the weekend. Come Saturday night, it’s time to relax and hit the bars with friends.

As a member of the Irish Cultural Society at the Uni-versity of Western Ontario, I have been counting down to one weekend in particular. St. Patrick’s Day this year falls on a Tuesday, which means around London festivi-ties will most likely start the Thursday before. In order to impress your friends and make the most of your St Patrick’s Day, there are a few things you should know.

St. Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, is thought to have introduced Christianity to the Irish, which put an end to pagan religious practice. It is believed that his powers drove all the snakes from Ireland, which represented the dissolution of pagan worship symbols. To this day, there are still no snakes on the island of Ireland.

While originally only celebrated by Irish Catholics, the celebration of St. Patrick’s Day has expanded world wide, and today some of the largest parties are held in Toronto, Montreal, New York, and Sydney, Australia.

There are a few things you can do to ensure that you make the most of this day of celebration.

by Caitlin Conroy

DRINK AS THE IRISH DOIn order to truly get the Irish experience, you must dress in green and grab a Guinness. Come on, you can drink Blue or Canadian anytime, and although Guinness drinks like a meal and puts hair on your chest, Guinness is an Irish tradition, started by Arthur Guinness back in 1759. Guinness is becoming increasingly popular in North America, and on St. Patrick’s Day in 2007 more Guinness was sold in Canada than in Ireland itself!

PRACTICE MAKES PERFECTConsider having a St. Practice Day. Since St. Patty’s only comes once a year, you are going to want to make the best of it. Having a practice day a week or two be-fore-hand will show others your dedication and will also get you and your friends pumped up in anticipation for the big day.

TURN UP THE TUNESCheck out some Irish tunes. Everyone knows the odd U2 song, but why not download some Riverdance tracks

happy st. patty’s day


or Drop Kick Murphys. After a few pints I’m sure you will discover your inner Irish dancer!

JUST LIKE A LEPRECHAUNFor some good fun, why not pretend to be a leprechaun for the day? Phrases such as “Where’s me pot-o-gold?” “Kiss me I’m Irish” and “Ye stole me lucky charms!” will come in handy. Any extra effort you put in to creat-ing your Irish outfit for the day will be a solid investment, as dressing as a mischievous leprechaun is your ticket to having a great time at the bar. Also, being dressed as the little creature has added benefits. Not only will you score points with the opposite gender (who doesn’t love a man in uniform?), but you will have a better chance of bypassing those extra long bar lineups in recognition of your true holiday spirit. Just remember, true lepre-chauns wear white tights, green pants and jacket, and have a red beard. Extra points to those of you who are so polluted by the end of the night you believe you are actually leprechauns.

LIKE AN INNOVATIVE IRISHMANWhy not try some creative drinks? Grab a bottle of Bai-leys and have some friends over for a creative pre-drink. How about an Irish Car Bomb or a classy Irish Coffee? What about a Black and Tan or a Dublin Handshake? For those of you who prefer your alcohol straight up, sipping on some Jameson will suit your fancy.

So this St. Patrick’s Day, pin a shamrock on your shoul-der and head to the pub for some Irish dancing and drink-ing with your pals. No matter what your background, remember that everybody’s Irish on St. Patrick’s Day. Relax and have a great time! Slainte!

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1. Grab a paper towel roll from the trash and tightly wrap up one end with duct tape.

2. With your scissors, poke a small hole into the tape end. Try to keep it small enough to just fit the lighter inside. The tighter the better.

3. Slide the end of the grill lighter through the hole in the tape, so that the base of the lighter is right up against the tape.

4. Spray the hair or bug spray into your new cannon barrel for at least two seconds. Try not to get most of it on the cardboard. The objective is to have the gas floating inside your tube.

5. Quickly place the Ping-Pong ball into your new creation and aim it away from windows, TVs, and anyone you care enough about.

6. Hold down the safety on the lighter and pull the trigger. It may take a few sparks, but hang in there. The lack of oxygen may make it difficult to fuel the flame.

For that St. Patty’s Day twist, add some green to your machine. Also, try playing ultimate beer pong with your new toy. Last one in the cup finishes the mickey!


How-To: STUDENT EditionNo student publication would be complete without helpful tips to make your academic life that much easier. So, after countless hours of research and numerous suggestions, STUDENT presents the ultimate “How To: STUDENT Edition”. The tips and inventions that you will find in our pages have been approved for college use and are designed with you in mind!

You will need the following:- Paper Towel Roll- Duct Tape- Scissors- Grill Lighter- Hairspray / Bug Spray- Ping-Pong Ball

How To

CAUTION: Fire with care. STUDENT is not responsible for any lost or broken limbs, windows, roommates or anything else that may happen due to the use of the Ping-Pong Ball Cannon.

Photo courtesy of maxim.com

There are four simple steps that any guy or girl can follow in order to impress their significant other. By putting in that little extra effort and following our fool proof plan, you’ll have them crawling back for seconds after wetting more then just their appetite.

1. Keep It Simple: Give up that three cheese soufflé and exotic dish your mother told you about for something a little more down to earth. You can easily fool them with Italian as long as you keep it simple. Carving up a rotisserie chicken onto a platter can also do the trick. One thing to avoid is Asian food. Due to the lack of MSG in your cooking or a better reason, homemade chow mein just doesn’t taste like store bought, and trying to convince her otherwise will just get you into a big wonton.

2. Platter Up: You wouldn’t show up on your date wearing cheap styrofoam, or metal tin cans, so don’t let your gourmet dinner either. Anything from veal parmesan to chicken McNuggets can look like cordeau bleu if you dress it up right. To go that extra mile, put some sauce in a squeeze bottle and spread your love all over the edge of your store bought platter. Your attention to detail will surly divert their attention from noticing the happy meal they are about to enjoy.

3. Smell Like a King: Nothing says ‘kiss the cook’ like the lingering smell of passion and creativity in the air. Throw some olive oil and minced garlic into a pan and it’ll smell like you’ve been creating for hours. Want that ‘A for effort’? Let that extra container of sauce simmer on the stove for a couple of minutes while you light up those vanilla candles that always give you the munchies.

4. Mess to Impress: Put on that apron and cover yourself in sauce and flour. Nothing is sexier then seeing your significant other slaving away trying to please you. To really convince them, throw some pots and pans into the sink and fill it with soapy water. (Yup, we put a lot of effort into being effortless). Last, but certainly not least, its time for that little “je ne sais quoi”. By adding a little bit of ‘this and that’ from your spice rack, you can put some truth behind your claim to fame. That tub of Montreal steak spice really is all purpose.

To really throw them off your tracks, add some green dye to every thing you eat this St. Patty’s day. Nothing says homemade like GREEN pad thai!

1. Basil (sweet): The scent of basil is said to drive men wild.2. Chocolate: The Aztec and the Mayan people considered chocolate a luxury with aphrodisiac powers. The Aztec emperor, Montezuma, drank 50 cups of chocolate a day to enhance his sexual ability.3. Pine Nuts: Pine nuts are high in zinc and have been used for centuries to make up love potions that stimulate the libido.4. Ginger: Ginger root has been considered an aphrodisiac for centuries because of its scent and its ability to stimulate the circula-tory system.5. Soy: In at least one case, soy was as-sociated with a case of “persistent sexual arousal syndrome.” A woman consuming over a pound of soy a day became chroni-cally aroused. Soy milk, anyone?

HOW TO


Saint Patrick—a man with a vision! He was a man with a dream that one day, both Irish people and non-Irish, alike, could all drink together and be merry under the same roof. Well, Saint Pat-rick, your fantasies have come to fruition. Every year on March 17th, millions of folk from around the world gather in pubs, taverns, and bars to honor Saint Pat’s memory. All of these people are looking for the chance to drink, eat, and even sing like an Irish man. It is on this day that Man, Woman, Beast and Child can all stand around and call themselves ‘Irish for a day!’

From dying the Chicago River green to eating, drinking and puking green, every partaker in St. Patty’s madness has their own views on how to celebrate their new found Irish heritage. However, there is one thing that all Irish folk know how to do, besides out drinking the rest of us—they know how to throw a feast. So, in honour of our leprechaun-loving friends to the East, STUDENT gives you these easy-to-make, creative, and tasteful recipes to help you get in that Irish swing.

All recipes have been taste tested, and although some may seem out of a non-Irishman’s league, it’s time to hang up your lucky charms and eat!

St. Patty’s Day Recipes

What You Will Need:

1/2 cup honey

1 cup heavy cream

1 1/2 cups Irish whiskey

1/2 teaspoon instant coffee

Irish Cream Liquor

Directions:- Combine all ingredients, mix well and

store in the refrigerator

- Make at least 3-4 days before serving,

shaking the container a couple of times

a day- Consume within 2 weeks

Magically delicious

Every true Irishman knows how to make their

own liquor, so to help you become part of the Irish

family (and to impress everyone you know) we’ve

made it easy for you to make your own home brew

‘Irish Cream Liquor.’ It goes well with all meals!


If you are drunk enough and ready to try a new adventure, this next recipe is right for you.

Whether it was a dare from a friend, or just drunken foolishness, the next item is not for the

faint of heart…or stomach.

Beer Soup

Baileys Irish Cream Cake

Directions:- Open the beer and let it get f lat; at least two hours

- Brown the f lour in the butter, then add beer

- Add cinnamon and sugar and bring to a boil

- Whisk together the egg yolk and milk and stir into

the hot (but no longer boiling) beer

- Strain and serve with toasted slices of bread

What You Will Need:

- 1 1/2 heaping tablespoons f lour

- 3 1/2 tablespoons butter

- 1 liter beer

- 1 small piece of cinnamon

- dash of sugar

- 2 egg yolks

- 1/2 cup and 1/2 tablespoon milk

- toasted white bread

Every fine feast needs a dessert fit for a king, or in our case, drunken students. And what

better way to end the day then with a rich, creamy, chocolaty and of course, our favourite,

‘alcoholy’ cake!

What You Will Need:

Package (18 1/4 oz.) yellow cake mix Package (4 oz.) instant chocolate pudding mix

3/4 cup vegetable oil 1/8 cups water 1/8 cups vodka 3/8 cups Baileys Irish Cream liqueur

4 eggs Additional Baileys and frosting sugar for glaze (or good old fashioned frosting)

Directions:- Preheat oven to 350F

- Grease and f lour a 10 inch bunt pan (or if you don’t

have, use any kind of pan)

- Combine cake mix, pudding mix, oil, water, vodka,

liqueur and eggs in bowl

- Beat until smooth and pour into prepared pan

- Bake for 40 to 50 minutes or until cake tester comes

out clean

- Remove from pan and cool

completely (only if using bunt pan)

For Frosting (or use store-bought frosting):

-Mix a glaze of additional

Baileys and frosting sugar until

it reaches a thick consistency

-Drizzle over cake

- For a festive touch, sprinkle the cake with

green sprinkles and other St. Patty’s Day treats

Everyone is always looking for that perfect snack to hit the spot. Our next feature is a fun Swiss dish with a

Celtic twist. This unconventional, ‘craving-killer’ dish is a great recipe to show the folks at home that you have

actually learned something at school.

Irish Cheese Fondue

Directions:- Put grated cheese into a fondue dish and melt slowly over medium heat, stirring continuously so as not to scorch

- Add remaining ingredients and stir until the fondue thickens slightly- For dipping use chunks of French bread or toast

What You Will Need:- 2 lbs cheddar cheese, grated- 1/2 pint Guinness Stout- 6-8 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce- dash of salt and pepper- dash of cayenne peppers- 1 tablespoon cornstarch- bread chunks (for dipping)


Still hungry? To beat that St. Patty’s Day craving, check out:

helpful hangover remedies

It’s the morning after and you have only one thing on your mind. No, hopefully it’s not time for that dreaded pill! That pesky hangover has come back once again and has got you hugging your favourite latrine. So what can you do? While we understand that your only goal will be hitting the bowl rather than the floor, the alcohol experts at STUDENT have derived a handy guide that will help beat the morning burden.

To help fight it, we have to first understand it. Ethanol (alcohol) has a dehydrating effect on its consumers, causing head-aches, dry mouth, and fatigue. By-products of the fermentation called congeners, as well as other additives to sweeten the alcohol flavour, worsen the hangover’s effects. Dark spirits such as spiced rum or flavoured Smirnoff have more congeners and additives then your average spirit. Of course, if you’re on a budget and you buy out all the twelve dollar 26’ers you can find, then you’re not any better off. The extra filtering and refining of the top shelf brands pays off in the morning.

So how do you prevent the pesky pet peeve? Here is a list of the top ten best ways to fight that STUDENT hangover.

Sleep Sleep it off. Your body can cure most things you decide to throw at it, you just have to give it the time and the ability to fight. By giving your body sleep, you’re helping it use your energy to do what it does best.

RehydrationDrink it off, not literally of course. Grabbing that Evian or your favourite new flavour of Vitamin Water will help replenish those fluids that you’ve been flushing away since you broke your seal last night. Also, if you have learned anything from last weekend’s woes, why not drink that water all night long? Replenishing your body as the night progresses is not a sign of weakness. It just means you’ll be able to stay in the fight longer.

Fruit Juices Nothing beats a nice cool glass of O.J. in the morning, es-pecially if it will beat back the buzzing in your ears. Not only will it help rehydrate your system, but by giving your body the vitamin C that it needs, fresh juice is definitely our tastiest way to recovery.


BOOZEbeating theby Marshall Goldfarb

Uncle Bob’s Surprise Some people swear by it, other people swear at it. Its smell is more potent than the gym on a Monday morning. Every alcoholic has their own concoction that they say will fix any hangover. Most include a mix of raw eggs, Pepto Bismol, and a dash of what you had last night. The pain of putting down these mixes is often more excruciating than the hang-over itself.

Bananas Yes, that golden fruit is not just for condom practice. When drinking, your body is leached of potassium. Bananas are one of the most potassium-rich foods that are available year round. Sliding in one or two before you pass out will help your body recover to its former glory. Bananas are also a natural antacid, which helps sooth those stomach pains and nausea.

The Greasy SpoonKnown to stop your heart or at least clog your arteries, greasy spoons are the back bone of the morning after. Noth-ing will ease the pain like a plate full of fried food! By

backing the bacon, you are replacing your body’s supplies of complex carbohydrates, salt and sugar. And if that wasn’t convincing enough for you, the whole meal can cost less then five bucks!

Hair of the Dog That Bit YouWhether it’s back to flip cup or just a morning pick-me-up, NO expert will tell you to resort to drinking in order to cure the hangover blues. However here at STUDENT we figure that if you are going to get drunk again tonight, why not just postpone that hangover until tomorrow morning? When it comes to hangovers, one always trumps two.

SexNo, there is not a shred of scientific or medical evidence that will prove our favourite hangover cure, but why not give it a try anyway? Nothing beats a morning after like round two! Unless, of course, what gave you your hangover is also to thank for the lovely two out of ten lying beside you…

Pickle JuiceAs weird as it sounds, it is a time tested tradition as old as vodka itself. Russians and other East Europeans drink the brine that pickles are bottled in to dispel their alcohol woes. Made up mostly of water and salt, pickle brine might just do the trick. From the word of the people who brought you vodka, how bad could it be?

IV DripWhile some of us study the finer things in life such as arts, languages or social sciences, your ‘friends’ over in the pre-med building are laughing it up as they are hooked up to the ultimate in hangover remedies. Spending a couple minutes on the drip in the morning can rehydrate your system and get you into great shape for the day ahead. As to prevent liability, we strongly don’t recommend anyone trying this for their first time, while still under the influence of alco-hol. For more information, ask your pre-med roommate who has been hiding it from you all these years!

Western Hillel Presents...

$15 in advance$20 at the door

For more information, or to purchase tickets, contact: [email protected]

@ The WolfPerformance Hall

251 Dundas StreetCentral Library

Sat. March 7th, 2009@ 8pm

&Sun. March 8th, 2009

@2pm

Swimwear provided by Archies Surf Shop, 700 Richmond Street, London, ON.

Photographer James SayersHair Stylist Cassie Greenberg

Makeup Artist Dena BerzenCreative Assistant Jaquie Katzman

in a sub-zero sceneSummer Dream

SCHOOL: UWO, 4th yearPROGRAM: BMOS, special-ization in finance

IF YOU WERE ON A DE-SERTED ISLAND, WHAT 3 THINGS WOULD YOU BRING? Boyfriend, Digital Camera and Bikini. You know, the necessities when you’re on a tropical island

HOW MANY CHICKEN NUGGETS CAN YOU EAT IN ONE SITTING?Too many

PERSONAL ST. PATTY’S DAY TRADITION:COSTUMES!

CHILDHOOD HUNK:Nick Carter (still is)

Top: $44.99, Bottom: $44.99

Camilla

Top: $44.99, Bottom: $44.99

SCHOOL: UWO, 4th yearPROGRAM: MIT

FAVOURITE SUPERHERO:Optimus Prime

IF YOU WERE ON A DE-SERTED ISLAND, WHAT 3 THINGS WOULD YOU BRING?Toilet paper, lip balm, life sup-ply of fruit loops

MOST EMBARRASSING SONG YOU KNOW ALL THE WORDS TO:My Heart Wil Go On,Celine Dion

FAVOURITE DRINK:Blue Powerade (... we meant alcoholic)

Lexi

Top: $44.99, Bottom: $44.99

SCHOOL: UWO, 3rd yearPROGRAM: MPI, with a Writ-ing Certificate

CHEESIEST PICKUP LINE: The back of your head is ridicu-lous

FAVOURITE DRINK:The Alex P. Keaton’s Lauren Conrad Martini. I’m not even a big fan of the show, but it’s Kool Aid in a martini glass - tasty!

FAVOURITE SUPERHERO:Sailor Moon - fighting evil by moonlight...and great hair

CHILDHOOD HERO:I told you, Sailor Moon

Lauren

Top: $44.99, Bottom: $39.99

SCHOOL: UWO, AlumniPROGRAM: Psychology

MOST EMBARRASSING SONG YOU KNOW ALL THE WORDS TO:Wannabe, Spice Girls

IDEAL DRUNK FOOD:Wendys! Combo number one... or Kids Meal

HAVE YOU EVER FLIRTED WITH A COP TO GET OUT OF A TICKET?Who needs an excuse to flirt with a cop??

BEST PICKUP LINE:If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. Works on me everytime :)

Lindsay

by Jenna Sicilianomore people in the U.s.

The most famous version

The world’s largest

than any other day.

when merilyn monroe sang

in 1989 and weighed

Are born on October 5

of ‘happy birthday’ is

to JFK in 1962.

birthday cake was made

128,238 Lbs, 8 oz.

Surprise, surprise!

Conception for an Octobe

r 5th

baby would have fallen o

n new

year’s eve.

Happy birthday, indeed

The song was written in

1893

and generates $2 million

in

royalties every year.

What-A-Cake!!

The cake was made for th

e

100th birthday of an

Alabama city and used 16

,209

Lbs of icing.

I have reached a milestone in my life that will never happen again. This month, I turned twenty. The age at which I’m no longer a teenager and officially an adult. Apologies to anyone older who is reading this, but I feel awfully old. As pessimistic as this sounds, is there anything re-ally great about turning twenty? Turning nine-teen was fabulous, being legal and all that jazz, but at twenty, I’m halfway to being forty! On the positive side, this is exactly where I wanted to be when I was twenty; going to university and mak-ing something of myself. Unfortunately, I realize that in the next few years, I have some huge deci-sions I need to make. What exactly do I want to do with my life? Most of us are here so we can have a brighter future and more opportunities. Af-ter turning twenty, I realized that this is my time to make a difference. With limitless possibilities, I can do whatever I want to with my life. In two years I will have graduated from university, and then what? I begin to question where I want to be in the next twenty years. Marriage, children, and work all pop into mind: three subjects that are scarier than turning twenty. It’s comforting to know that so many of my peers feel the same way. Most of us are worried that life is all about school and work, and perhaps that is the sad real-ity. All of us are in school to make something of ourselves, and until I hit twenty I did not realize that this is my time. This is when I have no mari-tal obligations or prosperous children a-brewing; these are the years when I can say this is who I am and this is what I want to do with my life. Maybe opportunity is the upside to getting older... just as long as I never turn twenty-one.

happy birthday, from STUDENT


more people in the U.s.

when merilyn monroe sang

in 1989 and weighed

Are born on October 5

of ‘happy birthday’ is

birthday cake was made

128,238 Lbs, 8 oz.

ACROSS1. A measured amount of medication5. Warbled9. Foot lever14. Always15. Tree sloth16. Nimble17. Impolite18. Bones that protect the lungs19. Expenditures20. A native tribe of the US Plains22. An attribute of a people or era23. Gossiper24. Italian lawn bowl-ing26. Medical (abbrev.)29. Whipped33. Interfered or ma-nipulated38. Blood vessel39. Margarine

Tired of what your professor has to say? Can’t spend another minute at the library? Don’t want to be caught eating alone? Then try out these fun puzzles to help pass time or assist with the inevitable procrastination. From minutes to hours of entertainment, STUDENT is providing you with what you need, to get you through the day!

Answers on Page 30

Sudoku Solutions (Page 30)Freshman

Junior Senior

keeping active in class

40. Bell, buzzer or siren42. Formerly, the shah’s43. Leavening agents45. Shelves for books47. Small sofa48. Before49. An analytic literary composition52. Dish57. Terminate before completion60. Occasionally63. Diameters64. Matching jacket and pants65. In baseball, a type of infield hit66. Standoffish67. A Sicilian volcano68. Nature of being69. Fruit70. Not this71. A suggestive look

DOWN1. Style of hat2. The female germ cell of a plant3. A style of car4. Construct5. Exploring the web6. Pearly-shelled mus-sel7. Wealthy man8. Zest9. Lead vehicle in an auto race (2 words)10. Conceited11. Plate12. Countertenor13. Not more21. A mound of glacial gravel25. Din27. Expunges28. Delete (abbrev.)30. Queen of the gods (Greek mythology)31. Historical periods

32. Unit of force33. Playthings34. Downwind35. Flesh from animals36. Backside37. Pat41. Fish eggs44. Bear witness46. Retained50. A valuable thing or property51. The quality of being young53. Slander54. Make someone laugh55. Tight56. An organic com-pound57. A Semitic people58. Bundle of hay59. Fragrance61. Tropical Asian starling62. French for “State”

Courtesy of crossword palace


Answers on Page 29

Crossword Solution (Page 29)

I think my grade in your course,___________________, should be changed from ______ to _______ for the following reasons:

__ 1. The person who copied my paper achieved a higher grade than I did.

__ 2. The person whose paper I copied achieved a higher grade than I did.

__ 3. This course will lower my Grade Point Average and I won’t get into: __ Medical School __ Ivey __ Graduate School __ Dental School __ My Fraternity/Sorority __ The Mickey Mouse Club

__ 4. I have to get an A in this course to balance the F in: _______________.

__ 5. I’ll lose my scholarship.

__ 6. I’m on a varsity sports team and my tutor couldn’t find a copy of your exam.

__ 7. I didn’t come to class and the person whose notes I used did not cover the material asked for on the exam.

__ 8. I studied the basic principles and the exam wanted every little fact.

__ 9. I learned all the facts and definitions but your exams asked about general principles.

Universal Grade Change FormRip out this page and use as needed

University: ______________________

To: Professor_____________________

From: __________________________ Q

__ 10. You are prejudiced against: __ Males __ Minorities __ Females __ French __ Catholics __ Whites __ Protestants __ Blacks __ Muslims __ People __ Jews __ Students

__ 11. If I flunk out of school my father will disinherit me or at least cut my allowance.

__ 12. I was unable to do well in this course because of the following illness: __ mono __ broken baby finger __ acute alcoholism __ pregnancy __ an STD __ parenthood

__ 13. You told us to be creative but you didn’t tell us exactly how you wanted that done.

__ 14. I was creative and you said I was just shooting the bull.

__ 15. I don’t have a reason; I just want a higher grade.

__ 16. The lectures were: __too detailed to pick out important points __not explained in sufficient detail __too boring __all jokes and not enough material __all of the above

__ 17. This course was: __too early, I was not awake. __at lunchtime, I was hungry __too late, I was tired

__ 18. My (dog, cat, gerbil, girl/boyfriend) (ate, wet on, threw up on) my (book, notes, paper) for this course.

__ 19. Other__________________________________

For all you budding entrepreneurs out there, here is the ‘Three Minute Manage-ment Course’ to help you impress those Ivey recruiters. In six easy lessons, you will be able to show them that you understand the world of business and have what it takes to make it in the big leagues.

Lesson OneA man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower. Suddenly, the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’ After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps herself back up in the towel and goes upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’ ‘It was Bob, the next-door neighbour,’ she replies. ‘Great!’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson TwoA priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealth-ily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’ The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’ The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’ Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity!

Lesson ThreeAn eagle was sitting on a tree, resting and doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’ The eagle answered, ‘Sure, why not.’ So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.


Lesson FourA sales rep, an administration clerk, and a manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’ ‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’ Puff! She’s gone. ‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’ Puff! He’s gone. ‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, ‘I want those two slackers back in the office after lunch.’

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say!

Lesson FiveA turkey was chatting with a bull. ‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’ ‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. ‘They’re packed with nutrients.’ The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there!

Lesson SixA little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold that the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.(3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

And thus ends the ‘Three Minute Management Course’.


Mildred Fink, and Gary and Synthia Goldfarb

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