the complete guide to anger management: week 1complet… · the complete guide to anger management:...

www.GuideToSelf.com © 2010 All rights reserved. John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

John L. Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Guide To Self, Inc. www.GuideToSelf.com

http://drjohnblog.guidetoself.com

The Complete Guide to Anger Management:

Week 1

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http://drjohnblog.guidetoself.com/


The Common Theme?

Overweight

Low self-esteem

Migraines

Addiction to drugs

and/or alcohol

Depression

Sexual performance

problems

Higher risk for heart attack

Lower quality relationships

Higher risk of suicide

Abuse others

ALL LACK ANGER MANAGEMENT SKILLS


Goal of This Program

The goal is to help you connect rational

thought with appropriate action in the

moment so you have a choice as to how

you behave when the emotional mind

takes over.


Action Steps

At the end of each weekly session, you

will be asked to take proven, powerful

action steps to help you turn down the

volume on your anger.

With every action step, you rewrite old negative patterns and habits and replace them with helpful ones.


3 Common Elements

1. Concrete exercises with clear

steps

2. Present-focused and can be

done immediately

3. They are within your control.


Importance of Follow Through

To get the full value, it is important that you

take the time to complete the action steps.

Studies show that those who write down

productive acts are more likely to follow

through.

And those who write down thoughts and

feelings are less burdened by them.

The simple act of writing reduces anger.


How Long to Develop New Habit?

It takes roughly 3 ½ months to develop a new habit.

One theory is that this is due to cellular memory.

Your body recreates 1% of the cells in your body

daily.

After 100 days, 100% of your body is completely

renewed.

It may be that you can’t teach an old cell new tricks!

Be patient. Stick with the process. You will see

results.


Anger Defined

Anger is comprised of 4 layers…

An Emotion which is physically arousing and

has bodily cues.

A Lens which impacts how you view the

world and how you relate to others

A Social Cue telling others you are annoyed

An Action Script which leads to specific

outcomes and actions.


Pause the Video and Answer the Following Item

Take a moment to write down an answer to

the following prompt…

When I’m angry, I feel __________________


Anger – Feeling or Physiology?

Most people answer this item with words like

upset, mad, hurt, irritated, annoyed, etc.

We automatically speak of our anger in terms

of feelings. However, there’s another level

– physiology.

These are the changes that take place within

your body in the moment.


Physiological Clues to Anger

Adrenaline surge

Increased heart rate

Blood flows to hands and feet for attack

Muscles tighten

Shallow, faster breathing

Clenched jaw

Eyes narrow

Increased blood pressure

Faster digestion


Anger as a Lens

The anger lens makes you …

• Focus more intently

• Take in more information with your senses (looking

for obstacles & threats)

• More rational (until you lose control)

• Look for more irritating information to reinforce your

anger

• The anger lens creates downward negative spirals

of thought, feeling and action.


Anger as Social Cue

The anger social cue is how you appear to

other people. It is those signals you send out

for others to pick up on (often unconsciously)

We are exquisitely tuned emotional sensing

beings.

We pick up on the subtlest of facial cues, body

language and tone of voice.


Social Cues

Your anger is announced to others by the following

cues…

• Clenched fists

• Protruding, jutting chin

• Shallow, faster breathing

• Tone of voice – may be monotone. In men, voice

may go down in pitch towards a growl. In women,

voice goes up in pitch, somewhat shrill.

• Facial expressions…


Facial Expression

Your anger is announced to others by the following

facial cues…

• Clenched jaw muscles

• Eyebrows drawn down and in towards the nose

• Snarl on one side of the mouth where the lip is

slightly upturned on one side (disgust or contempt)

• Lips pressed together tightly

• Nostrils flared


Anger as Action Script

The action script associated with anger prepared

you to…

• Defend your territory

• Defend loved ones and your self

• Attack another being

• Blood rushes to feet and fists to ready for attack

• Merely an outdated script left over from prior

millennium


Action Step #1

Increase self-awareness

Pay attention to WHEN you get angry

Zero in on three layers of anger

Frequency – how often you get angry

Intensity – how extreme is the anger on the 1 -10

scale

Duration – how long does the anger last

Record this info daily. There is a link below this video

where you can download an emotion log.


Action Step #2

"What's the most courageous thing you've ever done?“

Write a one page story about the bravest thing you've ever

done.

Elements to include:

The context,

What you feared,

Why it required your courage,

What your experience felt and looked like (details are good)

How you acted despite the fear,

And be sure to give your story a clear, crisp ending.


Summary

• Anger is a human emotion. No need to eliminate it, just looking to direct it positively.

• Anger has 4 layers, the Emotion, the Lens, the Social Cues and an Action Script

• Pay close attention to the physiological changes – increased heart rate, blood rushing to fists, shallow breathing, clenched jaw to alert you when you are starting to get annoyed

• Be aware of getting stuck in the anger lens. Realize it when it’s happening and distract yourself with a walk outside or deep breathing.

• Be mindful of picking up anger from other people.

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