anger management - know & manager your anger
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Anger ManagementCompiled & presented byNayyer Abdul RabITSD, ETISALAT Head OfficeMarch 14, 2007
What is Anger?Fierce displeasureExtreme AnnoyanceRageWrath etc.
What is Anger?Feeling mad in response to frustration or injury and expressing oneself in an impulsive manner without thought.
And this is Anger too!!!Anger! That double-edged power source.. its the high octane emotion for blazing performance and for igniting a legitimate grievance. Yet, when its bottled up, we smolder away; when we erupt, it may engulf us. And when we are the target of a volatile flame thrower, there will be scars. (Gorkin 1986).
Consequences Of Anger(as suggested by the participants on 14-March-2007)Damaged relationshipsStressJob lossAccidentsHealth issuesPhysical attackLanding in jailPacked bags -> homeIrrational behaviour
Make you lose rewardsLoss of moneyLoss of credibilityLoss of lifeInsult
Consequences Of Anger (as suggested by the participants on 5-October-2005)Broken relationshipsSelf pityBad healthLoss of trustLoss of jobsLoss of respectPhysical health suffersYou may harm someone else
Land up in jailYou cool downYou regretStress
How frequent episodes of Anger turn into Attitude?
We give meaning (+/-)We reactReaction becomes HabitHabit gradually becomes Attitude
Why people get Angry anyway?Justify oppressing others.Elevate the low self-worth.Hide and displace other feelings and emotions (e.g. fear).
Types of Anger
Types of AngerAssaulting: Physical attackAggressive: Criticism, finding faults, speaking loudHurtful: Lying, stealing, gossiping, trouble makingRebellious: Open defiance, refusal to talk, taking authorityVeiled: Distrust, skepticism, jealousy, envy,Suppressed (passive-aggressiveness): Unresponsive, overly nice, always late, victimized
The Anger Matrix
When Do You Feel Angry? (Direct Causes)Someone around you doesnt behave/work according to your expectationsSomeone disagrees with you in your views or criticizes youPeople dont stand by their commitmentsYou are cheated by someoneIf someone comes in your way of achieving your goals If you have been insulted etc.
When Do You Feel Angry? (Indirect Causes)Eating disorders (what you eat and how?)Personal OrganizationReading Habits (what you read?)Disturbed marital life (impotency or fragility)HungerOther external factors like bad weather, traffic, pollution, financial losses etc.
But who gets angry quickly???People having weaker minds!!! Why ? Because they dont have strong control over their lower mind. Once the higher minds loses its control over the lower one, the lower mind reacts impulsively without understanding the situation and the facts!!
Physical changes taking place in the body when a person is AngryAdrenal gland starts secreting Adrenaline, the stress hormone. This helps convert glycogen in the liver into blood to provide instant energy to the body.Breathing becomes faster to provide more oxygen to the bodyHeart starts beating faster to increase blood circulation
Physical changes taking place in the body when a person is AngryBlood vessels are dilated and blood pressure increasesDigestion is shut down to divert blood to skeleton muscles to provide them with more energyMouth dries up as salivary glands reduce their secretionThe activity of the immune system gets withdrawn temporarily
The diseases caused by frequent episodes of AngerMigraine & headachesDigestive disorder, ulcers and gastritisHigh blood pressureIncrease of cholesterol level of blood, thickening and hardening of arteriesDiabetesArthritis & rheumatismMuscular tightness and backachesWeaker immune system
Three Stages of AngerThought FeelingsAction
If the anger is to be controlled, this has to be done at the first stage. At later stages it is difficult to control the anger, if not impossible
Controlling the Anger(level 1)First and the foremost step is to understand if one is in the state of angerChange in postureDrink water SupplicationsAblutionCold water treatmentBreathing exercises
Controlling the Anger(level 2)Reduce violent stimuliFind & preempt the frustrating factorsFind company of sober and decent friendsDo not respond in violent/harsh wordsMild Exercises (e.g. a brisk walk)Visualization (Relaxation)Symptom Substitution TechniqueAbdominal breathing
Explanation of Abdominal Breathing
Controlling the Anger(level 3)Realize the consequencesForgivenessDevelopment of a strong visionReduce Expectations
Best examples to express your Anger!The face of the prophet (PBUH) would turn red when he felt angry. And he used to keep himself quite till the time he controlled his emotions.He would forgive the other person if it resulted in his personal displeasure only. But he used to deal with the matter seriously if he found the matter violating the timeless principles & values.
Self Introspection for control of AngerWhy I became angry?Was it really necessary to become angry?What benefit was achieved by getting angry?
Self Introspection reveals thatSituation worsens if anger is replied with angerThe atmosphere gets polluted for further talks or negotiationsThe bad opinion of the other person is further reinforced.
Self Introspection reveals thatBehavior of other people cannot be changed with showing angerClarity of vision and goals saves from a lot of situations where one can get angryUnderstanding the fact that NOT everything is urgent and important
The Conquest of Anger
Conquest of Anger is different than repression. The former leaves no internal resentment, rage or irritation. Rather, there is a feeling of tolerance and forgiveness. But the repressed anger is more harmful in that it is pushed to subconscious mind and starts affecting the mental health
The Antilock Braking System (ABS)
The Antilock Braking System(ABS) helps to keep the vehicle in better control of the driver by NOT letting the wheels jam when brakes are applied
Benefits of Conquest of AngerBetter ability to steer the situation (like ABS)Stability in relations with othersBetter mental and physical healthStrong will power as the energy is saved to be provided to other areas where it is really required.
Tackling the Anger of OthersApologize if there was really a mistake on your part.ListeningProblem SolvingExercise time outsHumor
Tackling the Anger of OthersFirst pants then shoes strategy: Do NOT respond to the anger of the other person without making things worse by defending yourself. You can always defend yourself later.
Handling Repressed AngerDisclose your inner feelings to a trusted friendWrite your feelings out. Get into some physical activity/sports
How to avoid Anger Provoking SituationsMaintain a high emotional bank accountBe proactive Personal organization
ReferencesHow to Control Anger by M. K. GuptaTimelenders Strategic Time Management Workshop (www.timelenders.com)Success Training Workshop by Hussain Rangwalawww.selfhelpmagazine.comwww.stressdoc.comwww.goodcharacter.comwww.topcondition.comwww.realhope.com