parade 10 18 15

PAGE: 01 CODE: 11A1 BOOK: 16 ISSUE: 10-18-15

PLUS

Molly Ringwald’s New Movie

Rachael Ray’s Kale Pesto

‘DON’T NEGOTIATE WITH CANCER’Wellness warrior Sandra Lee on 5 things she wants you to know about breast cancer

S U N DAY, O C TO B E R 1 8 , 2 0 1 5 | PA RA D E .CO M

1018_Cover.indd 2 9/30/15 4:27 PM09302015163913

© PARADE Publications 2015. All rights reserved.


2 | OCTOBER 18, 2015

Ashley Judd and Patrick Wilson star in Big Stone Gap.

WALTER SCOTT ASKS ...

TOM SELLECKThe Blue Bloods star, 70, returns to another familiar role when he makes his ninth outing as police detective Jesse Stone in a new Hallmark Channel movie, Jesse Stone: Lost in Paradise, which premieres Oct. 18.What makes Jesse Stone so popular?“Jesse is a rather noble character; he often does the wrong thing for the right reason. People just root for him. It’s his fl aws in the face of a lot of adversity that make people respond.”

Jesse’s dog, Reggie, is a recurring character. Are you a dog person?“Absolutely. We have fi ve. They have a great life because we have 60 acres. We have a German shepherd, an English cocker and three Cavalier King Charles spaniels.”

Audiences love how each episode of Blue Bloodsfeatures a family-dinner scene. “When I was younger, we had family dinners. There are

people who had that and don’t have that anymore that look at it nostalgically. There are people who never had it that wish they had it, and there are people who still have it. For all those people, it is

very grounding.”

Loyalty is a word that comes up in connection to you.“I’ve always considered that important. When I screen-

tested for Raiders of the Lost Ark and it confl icted with

Magnum, P.I., I looked up my contract [and turned down the movie role]. I owed a certain loyalty to people who had risked hiring me for Magnum. Even if you’re not rewarded for that, you feel a little better when you

look at yourself in the mirror.”

Q: Was the movie Big Stone Gap actually fi lmed in Big Stone Gap, Va.?

—Bree D., Savannah, Ga.A: It was. Adriana Trigiani, who wrote the novel and the screenplay in addition to directing the movie, was born there, so it was her fi rst choice. Ashley Judd, 47, who stars in the romantic come-dy, in theaters now, says it was wonderful. “I stayed in a small cabin at the foot of some beautiful hills and could roll into Jefferson National Forest when-ever I wanted. We were there in autumn with breathtaking views. Have I mentioned the food? I ate my way through Big Stone Gap.”

Who will Lupita Nyong’o play in

Star Wars: Episode VII—The Force Awakens? Can’t wait to see her.

—Lorraine T., Clearwater, Fla.

A: The Academy Award win-ner for 12 Years a Slave will be Maz Kanata, a pirate, in the much-anticipated new Star Wars fl ick, opening Dec. 18. “I was geeked out about being in Star Wars!” Nyong’o, 32, says. She has two other projects coming as well, The Jungle Book and Queen of Katwe, both set for release next year.

Q

Email your questions for Walter Scott to [email protected]

WALTER SCOTT’S

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Jem and the Hologramsis a live-action movie version of the animated

’80s TV show Jem. I play the aunt, who is the mother fi gure to the girls in the band. It’s got great music and a nice message: Be true to who you are. It’s something I am comfort-able with my own daugh-ters [Mathilda, 11, and Adele, 6] watching. Today, so many teen role models are overly sexualized and don’t look their age. So Jem and the Holograms is a nice antidote—the kids look like kids.

Speaking of kids, 2015 is the 30th anniversary of The Breakfast Club. People still ask about that movie all the time. I really have to respect that those movies [writer/director John Hughes’ blockbust-ers Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club and Pretty in Pink] are so meaningful

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HOW I GOT HERE

MOLLYRINGWALDAt 47, the teen queen of ’80s flicks and star of the new movie Jem and the Holograms is right where she wants to be.

continued on page 4

1018_Personality.indd 2 9/30/15 4:32 PM09302015164132 Approved with warnings



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OCTOBER 18, 2015 | 3

Jem and the Hologramsis a live-action movie version of the animated

’80s TV show Jem. I play the aunt, who is the mother fi gure to the girls in the band. It’s got great music and a nice message: Be true to who you are. It’s something I am comfort-able with my own daugh-ters [Mathilda, 11, and Adele, 6] watching. Today, so many teen role models are overly sexualized and don’t look their age. So Jem and the Holograms is a nice antidote—the kids look like kids.

Speaking of kids, 2015 is the 30th anniversary of The Breakfast Club. People still ask about that movie all the time. I really have to respect that those movies [writer/director John Hughes’ blockbust-ers Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club and Pretty in Pink] are so meaningful

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High-WireACTJoseph Gordon-Levitt, 34, played Tommy on TV’s 3rd Rock From the Sun before starring in fi lms including Inception and Looper. In The Walk, he plays the real-life role of Philippe Petit, who walked a tightrope between the World Trade Center’s Twin Towers. Here are fi ve facts about the Los Angeles native.

1. His acting career began at age 4, when he played the Scarecrow in a local

theater production of The Wizard of Oz.

2. Gordon-Levitt speaks fl uent French.

3. He recorded a duet version of “What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve?” with his (500) Days of Summer movie co-star

Zooey Deschanel.

4. His mother, Jane Gordon, ran for U.S. Congress in 1970.

5. His grandfather Michael Gordon directed Pillow Talk, starring Doris Day

and Rock Hudson.

HOW I GOT HERE

MOLLYRINGWALDAt 47, the teen queen of ’80s flicks and star of the new movie Jem and the Holograms is right where she wants to be.

continued on page 4

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4 | OCTOBER 18, 2015

to people. It’s like all those mov-ies—and by extension me—are a receptacle for other people’s mem-ories. They belong to everyone.

People also still ask about the “Brat Pack.” Originally it was a term coined in a 1980s New Yorkmagazine piece about some of the guys I was working with who were out carousing; it was a play on words—Rat Pack became Brat

Pack. It wasn’t complimentary. But over the years, it’s become cool.

And John Hughes, where do I begin? He was the fi rst per-son other than my parents who had utter faith in me. When you’re a teenager, you’re trying to fi gure out who you are. His confi dence in my abilities helped shape me. He was amazing to work with; I wish I’d worked with him more. I think I was afraid that I would stay a teenager forever, and that no one would see me as an adult. I wish I could go back in time and convince my teenage self to enjoy being a teenager. It doesn’t last!

As I was becoming an adult, I wasn’t very inspired by the kind of things that were being offered to me. So, in my 20s, I made the choice to take a breather and

move to France. I still worked, but maybe people weren’t ready to see me as an adult. That was defi nitely hard. But it’s always up and down. I’m grateful that I’ve been able to do so many different things with my life. It hasn’t just all been about acting. I’ve managed to branch out and use different parts of my brain.

Looking back, I’d say I’m most grateful for my family—my par-ents—because even when I did stuff they didn’t understand, they were always very supportive. I’m also grateful for my daughters, my son (Roman) and my husband (Panio Gianopoulos). I like the person that I’ve be-come. I feel like I look pretty good for my age. And I have an intel-lectual confi dence that I didn’t have when I was younger. I’ve ex-perienced enough that I can offer a perspective to people. I feel like I’m at the midway point in life. I think things are going to start getting really interesting.

—As told to M.B. Roberts

MOLLY RINGWALD | TIMELINE 1978 First professional role: Sang in children’s chorus in the West

Coast production of Annie 1979 TV debut: Played a supporting role in � e Facts of Life 1983 Film breakout: Nominated for a Golden Globe (at age 15) for

Tempest 1984–86 Back-to-back John Hughes fi lms: Starred in Sixteen Candles,

� e Breakfast Club and Pretty in Pink 1992 TV movie: Played the lead in Something to Live for: � e Alison

Gertz Story, about an inspiring AIDS-stricken young woman 1997 Broadway: Performed in Pulitzer Prize–winning play How I

Learned to Drive, followed by Cabaret and Enchanted April 2008–12 TV: Played mom on � e Secret Life of the American Teenager 2012 Fiction: Wrote When It Happens to You: A Novel in Stories 2013 Jazz album: Recorded Except Sometimes

Visit Parade.com/ringwald for more from Molly Ringwald.

from page 2

1018_Personality.indd 4 9/30/15 4:32 PM09302015163929

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OCTOBER 18, 2015 | 5

Ask MarilynBy Marilyn vos Savant

Send questions to marilyn @ parade.com

Can you condition people by talking to them while they’re asleep?

—David T., Los Angeles, Calif.

No, thank goodness. Depend-ing on how deeply they are sleeping, they may dimly hear the words, but they don’t understand. (If they do un-derstand, they aren’t asleep.) The connection of the brain to the environment is greatly reduced to allow sleep— so much so that sleepers respond to little that isn’t a danger signal (e.g., a growl or a crash) or that they aren’t already primed to hear, such as the whimper of a newborn baby. While some cognitive processing does occur—after all, we don’t routinely roll off the bed—it isn’t the kind necessary for learning.

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*Source: http://www.webmd.com/heartburn-gerd/guide/treating-heartburn-over-counter-medicine. May take 1 to 4 days for full effect. Use as directed. © 2015 Pfzer Inc.

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6 | OCTOBER 18, 2015

Parade

Edited by Alison Abbey / L I K E U S AT FACEBOOK .COM/PARADEMAG

hen Google updated its logo to a more modern font (Product Sans)

last month, the G-cha� er was deafening. Just when did we all get so type savvy? “Typography is accessible and part of daily life,” says Ma� Luckhurst, creative director at Collins, a brand consultancy. “Web and mobile [usage] has exposed more people to fonts

and design, and forced them to interact with it every day.”From home décor to fashion,typography is everywhere.

OLD

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This graphic sweatshirt from

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chaserbrand.com

Shine On Light up your initials or favorite phrase with these vintage-inspired marquee lights. $100–$150, rustalgic.com

Words on Words Your shopping

lists, reminders and random deep

thoughts will want to live in this wordy

spiral notebook. $14, katespade.com

It’s a Power Play You’ll light the lamp with this graphic

hockey shower curtain. $60, cafepress.com

Pillow Talk Inspired by Google Maps, typography and

handwriting, designer Ellen Van

Dusen’s pillow is graphically pleasing.

$39, westelm.com

From A to Z Twenty-six letters in different typefaces make these coasters from Magpie an alphabetical treasure. $17, amazon.com

Encouraging Words This

wool runner not only gives

you a boost, but part of the

profi ts fund nutritious

lunches for school-children in

India. $249, walmart.com

It’s a Sign Test your memory and

matching skills with this game

set of 54 tiles featuring roadside

sign lettering. $26, bobsyouruncle.com

Type in Spades Learn cool facts about

typography during your next poker or bridge game with these

playing cards from Graphos. $10, etsy.comVisit Parade.com/typography

for more.

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8 | OCTOBER 18, 2015

A cancer diagnosis will rock your world in ways you never imagined

The whole experience of being diagnosed with early-stage breast cancer was a huge, overwhelming surprise. It’s stunning to realize that your

body’s cells are changing and that this change could cause your death. That is a really powerful, intense emotion to digest. I’ll never forget the moment after my an-nual mammogram when my radiologist told me there were

four different places through-out one of my breasts that looked different from the year before. Even before I got a cancer diagnosis, I remember thinking, My breasts were nice and now they’re killing me—so get them off.

Two days later I had a lumpectomy and a biopsy, and by the end of the week I got the call from my doctor that I had breast cancer. When I got that phone call, I was in

a car with my best friend on the way to dinner. She started bawling and I immediately called my sister, Kimmy, and Andrew. Then I went into the restaurant and I had a very stiff drink. When you’re told that you have cancer, you have a stiff drink.

Don’t negotiate with cancer From the very moment I learned I had

breast cancer, I took control.

Spend some time with Sandra Lee and you’ll feel like you’re in the company of a friend who is always ready to lend a hand—no matter what you need. It’s that take-charge mentality and desire to help that has made Lee a huge success. Whether in her work as an Emmy-winning

Food Network star or as a New York Times best-selling author of 25 books, including 2010’s Sandra Lee Semi-Homemade: The Complete Cookbook (Wiley), Lee has always shared her signature “smart and simple” tips with the goal of helping people live easier—and better—lives.

So it was only natural that when Lee was diagnosed with early-stage breast cancer in March—followed by a bilateral mastectomy in May and complications due to an infection in early August—she would share her story with her fans, and the world. All in hopes of making life better for as many people as possible.

A few weeks ago, Parade sat down with the 49-year-old TV chef, and partner of New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo, in her bright white Manhattan apartment to talk about what she most wants people to know about her breast cancer experience.

Breast Cancer Today

When Sandra Lee chose an aggressive treatment for her early-stage breast cancer—a double mastectomy—she was selecting what she and her doctors thought was right for

her, reflecting a trend in individualized treatment. “The biggest breast cancer theme right now is that surveillance,

early detection and treatment of women with breast cancer isn’t one-size-fits-all,” says Marisa C. Weiss, M.D., president and founder of BreastCancer.org, a nonprofit dedicated to providing reliable information about breast cancer. “As we enter the era of precision medicine, we’re learning more and more about the uniqueness of the cancer a person has been diagnosed with.”

After a breast cancer diagnosis, oncologists aren’t just focused

5 BreastCancer

Things I Want You to Know About

More than anything, Sandra Lee wants otherwomen to be saved because of her experience.

By Lambeth Hochwald • Cover and opening photography by Ben Baker/Redux Pictures

12

1018_Feature.indd 8 9/30/15 4:28 PM09302015163929



OCTOBER 18, 2015 | 9

a car with my best friend on the way to dinner. She started bawling and I immediately called my sister, Kimmy, and Andrew. � en I went into the restaurant and I had a very stiff drink. When you’re told that you have cancer, you have a stiff drink.

Don’t negotiate with cancer From the very moment I learned I had

breast cancer, I took control.

I was clear that I wouldn’t negotiate with cancer—I don’t think anyone should. I also didn’t want to spend my life looking behind me, thinking, Is the cancer going to come back this year or next year, next week or next month? At the end of the day, you don’t want to see what cancer is going to do to you. You have to take a leap and do what you have to do to get rid of it. I truly believe—and so did my surgeon—in being aggressive with treat-ment and care so I’ll be around for 10 years, 20 years and hopefully way more.

For me, a double mastec-tomy had better odds than a lumpectomy plus radiation, so that was all I needed to know. I also decided that I was going to be strong when I walked into the hospital for my mas-tectomy. While that doesn’t mean you don’t feel weak or fragile inside, I was defi ant. I was not going to get wheeled in. I was going to walk into the operating room with my head held high.

A supportive part-ner can make all the diff erence When you

go through something like a cancer diagnosis, you learn even more about who people are. I learned how supportive, sweet and available Andrew can be when it matters most. When I was fi rst diagnosed, we went away for four days to make a decision about what I was going to do next. � at was a really important time for us. It helps that we aren’t kids; we’ve been together for 10 years and we’re very clear about how our life together will be. For example, we’re very protective of Andrew’s daughters, Michaela, 18, and twins Cara and Mariah, 20. It was very important for us to decide how to tell them—together—about my diagnosis.

This is a time when you need your girl-friends I have a great

girl gang—we’re all very open, honest and loving. So as soon as this happened, we took

“What’s most important to me is to use this challenge to help others and for people to benefi t from what happened to me.” —Sandra Lee

Breast Cancer Today

When Sandra Lee chose an aggressive treatment for her early-stage breast cancer—a double mastectomy—she was selecting what she and her doctors thought was right for

her, refl ecting a trend in individualized treatment. “The biggest breast cancer theme right now is that surveillance,

early detection and treatment of women with breast cancer isn’t one-size-fi ts-all,” says Marisa C. Weiss, M.D., president and founder of BreastCancer.org, a nonprofi t dedicated to providing reliable information about breast cancer. “As we enter the era of precision medicine, we’re learning more and more about the uniqueness of the cancer a person has been diagnosed with.”

After a breast cancer diagnosis, oncologists aren’t just focused

on how big or small a tumor is or whether it’s traveled to the lymph nodes or other parts of the body. “We’re drilling down on its person-ality and what turns on the growth of those cells,” Weiss says.

Ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS), the type of cancer Lee had, is a common, non-invasive form of breast cancer that puts a woman at a higher risk of developing more invasive cancer later in life. The advantage of a DCIS diagnosis and early detection, Lee says, is that it gives you every option in the world.

“I think that you have to be thoughtful about treatment; I’m not a doctor,” Lee says. “All I can tell you is my own experience, what my decisions were and why—and take from that what works for you.

continued on page 10

3

4

OCTOBER IS

AWARENESS MONTH

1018_Feature.indd 9 9/30/15 4:28 PM09302015163929



10 | OCTOBER 18, 2015

Listen to your doctors but get more than one opinion. For me, cancer was like a terrorist in my body; I wanted it gone.” Four months after the surgery, Lee declared that she was cancer free. Following are other trends and updates in breast cancer detection and treatment.Mammo start times remain controversial. Lee, who is now a big proponent for early screenings, began getting mammograms at age 35 because of a family history (her father and grandmother) of cancer. But the decision about when to get a mammo can be confusing. The U.S. Preventive Services Task Force made headlines in 2009 when it recommended that women have their fi rst mammo at age 50. Yet many health care providers are still suggesting that women have their fi rst mammo at age 40. “With 25 percent of breast cancers occur-ring before the age of 50—and those cancers tend to be more aggressive—my point of view is for women to still get that fi rst mammo at 40,” Weiss says. In addition, African-American women are more likely to have aggressive breast cancer before they turn 40. “We can’t miss early detections,” she says. Genetic testing becomes more common. When Angelina Jolie revealed two years ago that she opted for a prophylactic double mastectomy after learning she carries the BRCA1 mutation, people took notice. “She helped a lot of women step forward to get genetic testing to see if they’re carriers,” Weiss says. “It helped open up the dialogue so people feel less shamed and more comfortable talking about their situation.” After her breast cancer diagnosis, Lee was tested for the BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes (which can help predict a higher risk of ovarian and breast cancer). She was negative.

Breast density matters. Nearly half of American women have dense breasts, which increase breast cancer risk. Yet most don’t even know the composition of their breast tissue. Only 24 states require that breast density, which tends to be higher in premenopausal

women or those taking hormones, be reported to the patient. If you live in a state without these laws, talk to your health care provider and see if you need an ultrasound or MRI in addition to your annual mammogram, suggests Nancy M. Cappello, Ph.D., executive director and founder of Are You Dense, Inc., an advocacy organization. “Request a copy of the report the radiologist generates following your mammogram,” she says. “Your mam-mogram may be totally normal, but there may be nuances to that report that you need to see.”Sitting too much ups your risk. If you have a desk job, here’s yet another reason to get up and

move. Researchers at the American Cancer Society found recently that women who sit for six hours or more per day have a 10 percent greater risk of getting invasive breast cancer than women who stay seated for fewer than three hours.Extra lbs add up. While we’ve long known about the relationship between weight gain and breast cancer risk, researchers from the American Cancer Society recently found that those women who put on 60 or more pounds after age 18 doubled their risk of a post-menopausal breast cancer diagnosis. Another recent study also sug-gests that obesity changes the consistency of breast tissue in ways that promote the development and growth of breast cancer.

from page 9

action—as in “Who knowswho?” and “Who are the best doctors?”

As a person who runs a company, I found myself going right into operational mode, and my friends did too. It’s amazing how much you need friends at a time like this. I always tell people that when something this serious happens, you don’t want to be the person who says nothing in response to news like this. Your job as a friend is to be supportive, loving, kind and real. � e response from friends should

always be, “What do you need right now?” For example, when I couldn’t keep anything down, my girlfriend must have spent $80 getting me chopped watermelon, since that was the only thing I wanted to eat. All my friends know that when I can’t stomach fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, something’s really wrong.

It’s empowering toshare your storyI look at my Face-

book followers and Twitter “sisters,” which is what I call them, as an extension of my

family. After my diagnosis, and before, during and after my surgery, I wanted to share everything I would share if you were my sister. I wanted to be as open, honest and forthright as I could be. I have a very cool fan base, and many people who follow me have gone through cancer or have watched others go through treatment. All of them have been a real inspiration to me.

Now that I’m in the next phase and am focused on healing and getting back to myself, I hope I can be a sister or best friend to my followers

and that people will see me as a person who wants the best for their health. It makes me happy to know that I can set an example for women and inspire them to be screened. For example, a lot of women in Andrew’s offi ce recently got mammograms after my experience, and two women in his offi ce ended up with a breast cancer diagnosis. In the end, what’s most impor-tant to me is to use this challenge to help others and for people to benefi t from what happened to me. I want other women to be saved.

1 in 8American women will have breast cancer in her lifetime.

5

1018_Feature.indd 10 9/30/15 4:28 PM09302015163929


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PAGE: 14 CODE: 51B1 BOOK: 16 ISSUE: 10-18-15

MY MOTHER,THE COED

Who knew Mom’s senior moments would be more college senior than senior citizen?

By Nancy Berk

Views

Then I found out about the weigh-ins and exercise classes. And of course there’s the fact that most residents are asleep by 10 p.m., so there’s no one to help you rationalize the need for a late-night pizza delivery.

Mom now proudly admits that one of the best things she ever did was downsize to make this big move. She is living proof that happiness isn’t about how many rooms of stuff you have. I think that’s because most of our great memories don’t take up much space, which means there’s plenty of room for making new ones.

My sister Roberta tears up when she thinks about how happy Mom is now. We know transitions aren’t always this seamless. I like to think of this chapter of Mom’s life as the perfect sequel. She graduated fourth in her high school class but didn’t go to college because her family couldn’t afford it. Now it’s her turn to play coed and she’s having the time of her life. She’s down a few snowmen, but she’s collecting friends instead.

Nancy Berk, Ph.D., is author of College Bound and Gagged: How to Help Your Kid Get into a Great College Without Losing Your Savings, Your Relationship, or Your Mind.

14 | OCTOBER 18, 2015

When my mother agreed to shed the responsibili-ties of a four-bedroom home for a senior hous-

ing opportunity, I knew she’d love the maintenance-free lifestyle, but worried that she’d feel the stigma of aging in an environment that welcomed a highly specific age bracket. My siblings and I held our breath as we waited to see if Mom, 78, was accepted. I should have known this was going to be a college déjà vu experience when she landed on the wait list of her favorite place, but it wasn’t until I got the phone call that it hit me.

“She got in!” cried Roberta like a tearful parent reading an Ivy League acceptance letter.My sister would still be jumping for joy if there hadn’t been a move to coordinate. If you’d ever seen Mom’s 300-plus snowman collection, you’d know that was no easy feat.

“You can’t take everything with you,” Roberta reprimanded, channeling Mom’s famous words uttered in 1978 shortly before she and my dad rented a U-Haul the size of a horse trailer to get Roberta’s clothes to campus. How soon these kids forget.

Living 500 miles away, I escaped the heavy labor of packing, but I felt the same way at Mom’s move-in as I did after my kids’ college dorm drop-offs. True, there wasn’t the possibility of a bad roommate, but what if Mom hated her neighbors? What if she got homesick and wanted to drop out?

Before we could get much deeper into our obsessions, Mom did what most happy college students do—she made herself scarce. The woman who was always at home went MIA for the right reason: a thriving social life. Before the move, when she didn’t answer the phone, we’d panic. Now it’s a good bet she’s on the run with her buddies or hanging out on the porch, which at her new place operates a lot like a student union.

Despite her new dining adventures, there’s been no freshman 15 for the woman with a senior metabolism. In fact, my mother is down a few pounds.

Proud, perplexed and a little jealous, I tried to figure out how you could drop a dress size while living in a dormlike environment.

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Viewshomesick and wanted to drop out? Before we could get much deeper into our obsessions, Mom did what most happy college students do—she made herself scarce. �e woman who was always at home went MIA for the right reason: a thriving social life. Before the move, when she didn’t answer the phone, we’d panic. Now it’s a good bet she’s on the run with her buddies or hanging out on the porch, which operates a lot like a student union.

Despite her new dining adven-tures, there’s been no freshman 15 for the woman with a senior metabolism. In fact, she’s down a few pounds. Proud, perplexed and a little jealous, I tried to figure out how you could drop a size while living in a dormlike environment.

�en I found out about the weigh-ins and exercise classes. And of course there’s the fact that most residents are asleep by 10 p.m., so there’s no one to help you rationalize the need for a late-night pizza delivery.

Mom now proudly admits that one of the best things she ever did was downsize to make this big move. She is living proof that happiness isn’t about how many rooms of stuff you have. I think that’s because most of our great memories don’t take up much space, which means there’s plenty of room for making new ones.

My sister Roberta tears up when she thinks about how happy Mom is now. We know transitions aren’t always this seamless. I like to think of this chapter of Mom’s life as the perfect sequel. She graduated fourth in her high school class but didn’t go to college because her family couldn’t afford it. Now it’s her turn to play coed and she’s having the time of her life. She’s down a few snowmen, but she’s collecting friends instead.

Nancy Berk, Ph.D., is author of College Bound and Gagged: How to Help Your Kid Get into a Great College Without Losing Your Savings, Your Relationship, or Your Mind.

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