pakistanis 2

7/30/2019 Pakistanis 2

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The clever Indians

Three Indians and three Pakistanis are travelling by train to the cricket matchat the World Cupin Manchester. At the station, the three Pakistanis each buy a ticket and watchas the threeIndians buy just one ticket between them. "How are the three of you going to travel on onlyone ticket?" asks one of the Pakistanis. "Watch and learn," answers one of the Indians.

They all board the train. The Pakistanis take their respective seats but all three Indians craminto a toilet and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, theconductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.The conductortakes it and moves on. The Pakistanis see this and agree it was quite a clever idea.

So after the game, they decide to copy the Indians on the return trip and save some money (being

clever with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket forthe return trip. To their astonishment, the Indians don't buy a ticket at all !!" How are yougoing to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed Pakistani. "Watch and learn," answers anIndian.

When they board the train the three Pakistanis cram into a toilet and soon afterthe threeIndians cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterwards, one of the Indiansleaves the toilet and walks over to the toilet where the Pakistanis are hiding.

He knocks onthe door and says, "Ticket please."Top

The Chinese fighter planes!

Pakistan just got their new Chineses fighter planes and sent a squadron of pilots there for

training."Ok, this one is easy to fly", said the Chinese trainer, "even you fools shouldbe able tooperate it! You press this button to go up, this one to go left and this one for turning right!"

"But how do we come down?" asked Capt. Arfath Pasha."Oh," said the Chinese "leave that to the Indian Air Force!"Top



The case of an insect in a mug of beer

An insect falls into a mug of beer...

Englishman : Throws his mug away and walks out

American : Takes the insect out and drinks the beer

Chinese : Eats the insect and throws the beer away

Indian : Sells the beer to the American and insect to the Chinese and gets a newmug of beer.

Pakistani : -Accuses the Indian for throwing insect into his beer -Relates the issue to Kashmir- Asks the Chinese for Military aid -Takes a loan from the American to buy onemore mug of beer.

Top

Two Paki and an Indian on the way to New York!

Two Pakistanis boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in thewindow seat, theother in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, a fat little Indian guy got onand took theaisle seat next to the 2 pakistanis. He kicked off his shoes,wiggled his toes and was settlingin when the pakistani in the window seat said, "I think I'll go up & get a coke."

"No problem," said the Indian,"I'll get it for u."

While he was away,the pakistani picked up the shoe & spat in it. When the Indian returned withthe coke, the other pakistani said,"That looks good.I think I'll have one too."Again, the Indianobligingly went to fetch it. And while he was gone, the pakistani picked up theshoe & spat init. The Indian returned with the coke & they all sat back & enjoyed the short flight to New York. As the plane was landing the Indian slipped his feet into his shoes & knew immediately what had

happened, "How long must this go on," the Indian asked, "This enemity between our people.....this hatred....this animosity.....this spitting in shoes and pissing in the cokes."

Things about Desis in America!

Q. How do desis in states have fun ?



A. Read technical books

Q. What do you call it when a desi tries to imitate an American ?A. Artificial Intelligence Q. Why do desis go to a bar ?A. To stand in a corner and look at the blondes on the sly. Q. What is a desi's favorite rhyme ?A. Earn money. look funny. (like a zombie, having spent a lifetime in the lab) Q. How do you make a desi's eyes light up ?A. Wave a dollar bill on his face. Q. What is a desi's most exciting part of life ?A. Doing an assignment for a girl. Q. Why do desis drink a can of beer ?A. so they could get high.

Q. What do you call a desi between two blondes ?A. A misfit.

Q. Why do desis wear goggles ?

A. To look at blondes

Q. What do desis mean by fun ?A. Sighting blondes sitting in a car with sun glass doors.

Q. What do you call a desi gathering ?A. Techinical conference.

Q. When does a desi smile ?A. After seeing his pay check.

Q. When do desis go to the temple ?A. Just before the finals week.

Q. Why is Cinemax's (cable) Friday after dark so successful ?A1. Because, all desis watch it.

Q. Why do desis drown in a swimming pool ?A. Because they have pot bellies.

Q. What does a desi do on a date ?A. Bore the hell out of the girl's mind by talking about his assignments and howhe solved the problems. Q. How can you punish a desi ?A. Ask him to talk to a girl without offerring to do her assignment.

Q. What is the desi's chronic speech impediment ?A. His accent. Q. How does a desi confuse another desi ?A. Speak with an american accent.

Q. Why are desis famous for floating in the swimming pool ?A. Because of their strikingly prominent tummies.



Q. How do you describe a desi ?A. A short zombie who looks intimidated.

Q. Who do you call a smart desi ?A1. One who can drink two cans of beer and still walk straight.

Q. What is a desi's philosophy of life ?A. Eat, sleep and work. Q. How does a desi bragg ?A. Tell fellow desis that a blonde smiled at him.Good Ol Barber

There is this Good Ol' Barber in some city in US. One day a Florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay theBarber and thebarber replies:'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service'.The Florist is happy and leaves the shop.The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you Car

d and a dozenroses waiting at his door. A Cop goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the Barber and the barber replies:'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service'.The Cop is happy and leaves the shop.The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you Card and a dozenDonuts waiting at his door. A Desi Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the Barber and barber replies

;'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service'.The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there -

A Dozen Desis waiting for a free Haircut......

Shaadi ke pehle - Maine Pyar KiyaShaadi ke baad - Ye Maine Kya Kiya?Shaadi ke pehle - Kuch Kuch Hota HaiShaadi ke baad - Kuch Nahi Hota Hai

Shaadi ke pehle - Dil To Pagal HaiShaadi ke baad - Dil To Pagal ThaShaadi ke pehle - Ek Duje Ke LiyeShaadi ke baad - Sirf Bachcho Ke LiyeShaadi ke pehle - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le JayengeShaadi ke baad - Baaki Log Sukhi Ho JayengeShaadi ke pehle - ChandramukhiShaadi ke baad - JwaalamukhiShaadi ke pehle - Kuwara BaapShaadi ke baad - Bechara Baap



Shaadi ke pehle - TitanicShaadi ke baad -MortgageShaadi ke pehle - Hum Aapke Hai Koun?Shaadi ke baad - Barbadi Ka KaaranShaadi ke pehle - Yes Boss:-)Shaadi ke baad - Yes Boss:-(Shaadi ke pehle - Mere Sapno Ki RaniShaadi ke baad - Chutki Ki AmmaShaadi ke pehle - Kabhi KabhiShaadi ke baad - If you are luckyShaadi ke pehle - Aao Pyar KarenShaadi ke baad - Aur Bhi Kuch Kaam Karen?

Laloo the Prime Minister

Laloo becomes PM (if you haven't cut your throat yet, read on) and goes to Pakistan for aone-on-one with Nawaz Sharif. They decide to meet without aides and are closetedfor about 5minutes.

Laloo then emerges from the room. Reporters clamour for a statement. "Nawazbhaiwill make theannouncement" is all Laloo says.

Nawaz Sharif comes out and drops a bombshell - Pakistan has decided to give up all claims onKashmir, with no strings attached!

The world is stunned. Laloo has achieved in 5 minutes what others had failed toin 50 years!How did you do it, what did you promise, the press clamours.

"Sab Akai-waalon ka kamaal hai," says Laloo. "Woh kehte hain na, TV loge tho fri

dge free doonga,video khareedein to cellphone free... tho ham bhi Nawazbhai se keh diye: "aapkoKashmir chaahiyena? Le jaayie. Magar saath mein bihar free milega, bas!"Laloo's speechExcerpt from a Laloo Prasad Yadav Speech (it was really said by him)

Laloo and the Japanese DelegationLaloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business Development toBihar. TheJapanese Emissary was quite impressed with Bihar and he stated, "Bihar is an excellent state.Give us three years and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan." Laloo was very surprised. "You Japanese are very inepicient," he stated. "Give me three days andI will turn Japan into the next Bihar!"



Top

Bihari Babu Jokes

A Bihari went to a cigarette shop and asked: Bhai ek Will dena, so the guy selling the cigarettesy the name of Will, it is Wills, but the Bihari insisted and said I want one Will, so the persontold him unless you say it correctly i.e Wills I won't sell it to you, so the Bihari went mad andsaid "Hum ek hi to maang rahen hain pura packet to nahin maang rahen hain"

The Most Intelligent Person: Laloo!

Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi, a saint and a schoolboy were travelling by a private plane.Suddenly the engine caught fire and the pilot came out shouting,"This plane isgoing to crash!And we have only four parachutes and there are five of us in the plane. Since I

am a veryimportant pilot I am taking one parachute and getting out of here." Saying thishe rushedto the luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped off the plane.

Sonia Gandhi said,"Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very important and have tolive!" She also grabbed a parachute and jumped. Laloo Yadav said,"I am the king-maker of thiscountry, the most honest politician of India and above all the most intelligentperson livingin this country, and the most intelligent person must live!" Saying so Laloo went to the

luggage area, grabbed one and jumped off the plane.

The old saint said to the school boy, "There is only one parachute left, and there are two of us.I am an old man and don't need to live any more. You take the last parachute and jump."The school boy said,"Don't worry! There are still two parachutes left with us! The mostintelligent person, Laloo Yadav, jumped off the plane with my school bag!"Top

Special Laloo Postage Stamp!

When Lalloo completed 25 years of his rule over Bihar, he wanted a special postage stamp issued,with his picture on it. He so instructed Rabridevi, stressing that it should be ofinternational quality. The stamps were duly released, and Lalloo was pleased.

But within a couple of days of release of the stamp, he began hearing complaints



that thestamp was not sticking properly, and became furious. He called Rabri and ordered her toinvestigate the matter. Rabri checked the matter out at several post offices, and thenreported on the problem to Lallo Prasad.She said: "The stamp is really of international quality. The problem is, our people arespitting on the wrong side!"Top

Santa and Banta Singh at Laloo's house for Dinner!

Laloo and Raabri had Santa and Banta Singh over for dinner at the their house inBihar.In the middle of dinner, Santa excused himself to use the bathroom. After a couple ofminutes, he came back. They finished dinner and left.

On the way home, Santa turned to Banta and said, "Did you know Laloo has got a solid goldurinal in his bathroom?" How can we tell the our people , we are serious about

cutting thebudget when the CM has a solid-gold urinal?"

Banta said, "there must be some mistake, I'll call Raabri when we get home and find out. "

They get home and Banta calls Raabri and says "Is it true that Laloo has a solidgold urnialin his bathroom" Raabri put her hand over the receiver and says, "Laloo! I found out who peedin your saxphone.!!"Top

Vajpayee & Nawaz

In order to develop friendly relationship between the two countries, Vajpayee and Nawaz Sharifdecided to visit each other's country regularly.The first visit was by Vajpayee to Pakistan. There Sharif showed him Pakistan'smodern tele -communication systems. It was so good that Vajpayee made a call to Rajiv Gandhiin hell andtalked to him for 5 minutes! The bill for the call came to only Re.1.When Vajpayee came back, he also wanted India's telecommunication systems to be

at the bestwhen Nawaz Sharif visited India. Suitable arrangements were made. Sharif came to India, visitedthe telecom department and talked to Zia-ul-Haq in hell for 5 minutes. But this time, the billwas Rs. 500!Sharif asked with a sarcastic smile - "Why are telephone calls to hell so costly in India ?"A High level diplomat gave a smiling reply - "From Pakistan to hell, it is a local call,



Sir, while from India it is long distance!"Top

Jayalalitha

A man is on his way home from work one afternoon in Chennai. He's stopped in traffic andthinks, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual; we're not even moving." He notices apolice officer walking down the highway in between the cars and he rolls down his windowand says,"Excuse me officer, what's the hold up?"

"Jayalalitha just found out the verdict, and she's all depressed. She's lying down in themiddle of the highway and she's threatening to douse herself in gasoline and light herself on fire. She just doesn't have Rs.85 Crores for the tax dues. I'm walking aroundtaking up a collection for her."The man says, "Oh really, how much have you got so far."

"So far....ten litres."Top

Vajpayee's quote on the Gandhi family

This is one of the many laughable statements that Mr. Atal Behari Vajpayee has said duringhis lifetime.Smt. Indira Gandhi ke do bete the.

Ek ko desh chalane ka showk tha.Usne ek baar plane chalaya aur plane ko gira diya.Doosre ko plane chalane ka showk tha.Usne ek baar desh chalaya aur desh ko gira diya.Top

Gyani Zail Singh and Reagan!

Gyani Zail Singh went to the US & had a meeting with Reagan. Reagan said, "I wa

nt to show you the advancement in technology in USA. Come with me."Reagan takes him in a deep forest and says. "Dig the ground."Zail Singh digs.Reagan says, "More, more, more..."Zail Singh has now reached a 100 feet.Reagan says, "So now, did you find anything?"Zail Singh, "I got a wire!"Reagan says, "You see, it shows that even 200 years ago we used to have telephones!"



Zail Singh was very frustrated and he invited Reagan to India.In India GyaniJi says, "Now I want to show you the advancement in India!"He takes Reagan to a forest and ask him to dig.After some time GyaniJi says, "More. .. more... more!"Reagan has now reached almost 400 feet.Zail Singh says, "Find anything?"Reagan tries but finds nothing, "Nothing here!"GyaniJi says, "You see even 400 years ago we had gone WIRELESS!"Top

A Gujju Spesal !

Q) Why did George Bush had the gujju beaten?A) The gujju told George Bush "You are an IMPOTENT man" Q) Why won't the gujju jeweller sell anything to the UP ka bhayiya?A) The bhayiya kept giving gujju a bunch of hair each time the gujju asked forKESH. Q) What will a Gujju tell a tomato, coming last in a tomato race? (in case ofone)A) Tomato KETCHUP.

Q) Why did the gujju go to Rome ?A) He wanted to listen to POPE music. Q) Why did the gujju go to London?A) To see BIG BEHN. Q) What did the Gujju mean when he said, "Ramesh no dikro STATES ma gayon" ?A) Ramesh's son failed in statistics... Q) Why was the gujju stacking up 1 cent coins on the day before exams ?A) He wanted to get "cent-par-cent" .

Q) What did the Gujju have in the morning?A) LIGHT SNAKES for breakfast. Q) Did you know that Gujarati students are going to start a fraternity?A) They named it Rho Beta Rho. Q) Why did the gujjus take 50 paise when they went to watch "GANDHI"?A) They read Atten( 8 annas)-bourough in the credits. Q) Why did the gujju think Gandhi was acted by a woman in "GANDHI"?A) They read Ben( behn) Kingsley did the acting.Top

Other Regional Jokes

Maharastrian jokes ( A little knowledge of Marathi might help )Q : What do you call a Maharashtrian in the U.S.?A : Western Ghati.



Q : What does a Maharashtrian mean by "fast food"?A : Sabudana Khichdi.

Q : What do you call a Maharashtrian who makes air-conditioners?A : Cool-karni.

Q : Which is the highest office occupied by Maharashtrians in the U.S.A.?A : That of the Vice-President - Dan Quayle(Kale) & Al Gore. :

Mumbai-ite jokes :-Q : How come the Bombay Ranji team has so many fast bowlers?A : West Indians are natural fast bowlers.

Q : How do dogs in Dombivli (place near Bombay) wag their tails?A : Up & down. Because, they don't have enough space to wag sideways.

Q : What did one tamarind in a sack tell its neighbour?A : "I feel as if I am travelling in a Bombay local".

Bong jokes ( no knowledge of Bengali reqd ):- :

Q : How does the Bong learn the alphabet?A : A for Orange, B for Bhegetable.... :

Q : How does a Bong relax in the evening?A : He goes to the Howrah Breez to get some Brij.

Q : What does the Bong do first in the morning?A : After baking up from hees slip, he removes the bed-shit.

Delhi-ite jokes :-Q : Red-line private buses are notorious for their recklessness and hit rate. W

hen a red-line bus is on the road, which is the best place be in?A : Inside the bus.

A sardarji ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces."Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?""Just a sec," says the rep. "Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.

Sardarji #1: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"

Sardarji #2: "No, who wrote it?"

Q: So this sardarji is walking the other day and comes across a banana peel on the road. Can you guess what he must be thinking ?A: "Saala aaj bhi girna padega..."

Q: Why did the sardarji stare at the frozen Orange Juice Can for 2 hours?A: Because it said 'concentrate'.



Q: What did the sardarji do when he noticed that someone had already written onthe overhead transparency?A: He turned it over and used the other side.

Q: Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?A: Because below 18 was not allowed !!!

Q: What about the sardarji whose wife gave birth to twins?A: Her husband is out looking for the other man.

Q: How can you recognize a surd in a submarine?A: He is the one with the parachute on his back.

Q: A sardarji going to London on a plane, how can you steal his window seat?A: Tell him the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row

Q: What do you do when a Sardarji throws a pin at you?

A: Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.

Q: How do you make a sardarji laugh on Saturday?A: Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

Q: What is the sardarji doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: Why do sardarjis work seven days a week?A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

Q: How do you confuse a sardarji?A: You don't. They're born that way.

Q: How do you keep a sardarji in suspense?A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)

Q: How do you keep a sardarji busy?A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

Q: Why can't sardarjis make ice cubes?A: They always forget the recipe.

Q: How did the sardarji try to kill the bird?A: He threw it off a cliff

Q: What's the difference between a sardarji and a computer?



A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Q: Why do men like sardarji jokes??A: Because they can understand them.

Q: What does a sardarji say when you ask him if his blinker is on?A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.

Q: What do you get when you offer a sardarji a penny for his thoughts?A: Change.

Q: What do you call 10 sardarjis standing ear to ear?A: A wind tunnel.

Q: What do you call a sardarji in an institution of higher learning?A: A visitor.

Q: What do you call a sardarji with half a brain?

A: Gifted!

Q: What do you call a sardarji in a tree with a brief case?A: Branch Manager.

Q: Whats the difference between a sardarji and a Supermarket Trolley ?A: A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

Q: Some one asked if a sardarji believed in smoking.A: He said "Yes, I've seen it done."

Q: Why did recently Santa & Banta get injured when they tried to send a letter bomb?A: In order to be modern they wanted to send the bomb by fax.

Q: Why do Sardars always smile during lightning storms?A: They think their picture is being taken.

Q: Why do sardars have "TGIF" written on their shoes?A: Toes Go In First.

Q: How can you tell when a sardar sends you a fax?A: It has a stamp on it.

Q: Why can't sardars dial 911?A: They can not find the eleven on the phone.



Q: How do you get a sardar on the roof?A: Tell him the drinks are on the house.

Q: What do smart sardars and UFOs have in common?A: You always hear about them but you never see them.

Q: Why does it take longer to build a sardar snowman as opposed to a regular one?A: You have to hollow out the head.

Q: How do you keep a Surd busy all day?A: Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.

Q: What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer ?A: Just-beer Singh. ('t' silent)

Q: What do you call a sardar who has only one drink ?A: Just-one Singh.

Q: A female Khalistan terrorist?A: Hard Kaur.

Q: A famous Khalistani profession?A: Jarnailism.

Q: khalistan history ..A: SARSON-DA-SAGA

Q: the great wall of khalistan ..A: LONG-O-WALL

Q: national dish of khalistan ..A: AKALI-DAAL

Q: the dirty drain of khalistan ..A: BAR-NALA

Q: a sikh scuba diver ..

A: JULL-UNDER SINGH

Q: a better adapted sikh diver ..A: JULLUNDER SINGH GILL

Q: a bald sardarjee ..A: BAL-WANT SINGH



The Sardarji doctor was so afraid of bacteria, that he cooked his ice-cubes before he put them in his drink.

The Sardarji Doctor to his patient: "It`s very important that you take this medicine exactly 30 minutes before you feel the pain."

There were these Sardarji twins who looked so incredibly alike, that sometimes they borrowed money from each other without the other really knowing about it.

Then there`s the one about the Sardarji who brought his binoculars to a funeralwhere they were going to bury a distant relative

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