turning the pages through grief

JANUARY2017

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This time of year offers us a chance to begin again. Looking ahead, setting goals and moving on, are

certainly not indications that you’ve forgotten the person you’re grieving. They are merely steps in a new direction. Perhaps this was your first holiday season since your loved-one passed, or maybe you’ve become a veteran at simply ‘getting through’ the holidays. The good news is that with each passing day the chance for a new start repeats itself.

What if you don’t care to make a new start just yet? Never feel as though you have to move according to someone else’s time frame. We all grieve at different rates, for different reasons and in different ways. I cannot stress enough the importance of letting someone work through their own grief in their own way. Maybe your friend lost a spouse and remarried quickly, while you have been alone for years and cannot seem

to get over losing yours. We should never compare our grief or loss to someone else’s.

Grief seems to come in waves and is experienced to varying degrees. It can range from a fond memory that now brings pangs of sadness in the absence of the deceased, to a paralyzing sense of loss that knocks us over. The latter can make us feel as though we might not ever fully recover.

In a sense, the grief we experience after we lose someone is a healthy sign that they had an impact on our life. Since we are all unique, no one can ever replace someone who has died. What life can offer however is a chance to begin again. This is going to look and feel different to everyone. For years after the passing of my parents I found it extremely difficult to enjoy the holidays. My parents had a way of making everything special and wonderful, from

our meals together to little traditions we’d had while I was growing up. After years of bracing myself for the holidays, I found that I was finally ready to celebrate again. Much to my surprise the idea that I would enjoy myself was no longer too painful to think about. Keeping my parent’s traditions is now a way of honoring their memory and I find that it fills me with joy- the same joy that eluded me while I was grieving. As I mourned both of my parents it never occurred to me that I would one day enjoy the holidays again. I honestly didn’t give it much thought. Looking back now, I realize I was in some kind of survival mode and just muddling through the best I could.

What we experience in the wake of someone close to us passing on isn’t always obvious to everyone else. Only you can know when the time is right to start something new. Be kind to yourself in this season of grieving and do not let

Write in on your heart that every day

is the best day in the year.~Ralph�Waldo�Emerson

continued...

Start new?

Move?

Set goals?

Stay put?What is right?

By Paulette LeBlanc

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Footnotesfrom Bill Hoy

The purpose of this newsletter is to share thoughts and insights from a variety of sources on how to live richly and meaningfully through all of life’s chapters.

Created and owned by Madsen Ink, Co. • Copyright 2017chaptersnewsletter@comcast.net

anyone make you feel as though this time of year should dictate your attitude. When my parents died (which happened fairly close together) many well meaning friends suggested that I join a grief support group. I had a sense that it wasn’t the right thing for me, and I chose to grieve mostly in private. It’s important that each of us makes those kinds of decisions for ourselves. Don’t be afraid to say “No, thank you,” if it seems right for you to do so.

Maybe this is the time for you to begin a new life, and maybe it isn’t. Only you can make that determination. If you’re just not ready to think about starting fresh yet, don’t worry. There’s another new year waiting just around the corner.

turning the pages through grief

As this year gets underway, here is one important reminder for the winter of grief:

Write down at least three or four goals you want to accomplish this year. Perhaps you’ll want to clean a closet, read a book or take a class. Maybe you’ve considered taking up a new hobby or craft—and 2017 can be the year for beginning! Make sure you take the time over the next few days to write down your ideas and craft them into measurable goals. Instead of saying, “I’m going to read three books this year,” write down something specific like, “By March 31, I will read Charles Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities.” Instead of saying to a friend, “This year I’m going to lose weight,” write down a goal such as, “During 2017, I will lose 10 pounds to reach a weight of ____.” You might also want to think about some specific steps to help you get to your goal. You’ll be surprised at how having specific, written plans can change your outlook on life.

When hard times strike, we look forward with longing to the day when we will "get over" the event and have closure. This is a difficult--often impossible--road to travel. There are some things in life

that we must learn to live with because they will never truly go away for good. Despite that truth, there is life--rewarding and abundant life--after heartache and pain.

In Getting Past What You’ll Never Get Over, John F. Westfall leads readers beyond their hurts and into a life of confidence, freedom, and secure joy. Sharing stories with wisdom, humor, and vulnerability, he shows how to move forward beyond fear, regret, guilt, anger, and bitterness into a life worth living.

yagottalaugh

Paulette LeBlanc, who is trained in family counseling, is a published author, magazine editor and freelance writer, who

currently resides on the Gulf Coast of Florida.

Epilogueby Susie Moore, Life Coach

A new year is a great time to leave your comfort zone. Consider the following in 2017...• Go someplace you’ve never been. You can evebn try a Sunday staycation by just checking out an unfamiliar area in your town.• Forgive someone. Think of 5 good things about that person and release the anger.• Send a thank you note to someone who deserves it.• Plan a party at your home. It can be super simple with order-in pizza.• Start a blog.• Learn a new language. You can do this for free on YouTube.

Visit susie-moore.com for more great life tips.

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2017