Issue 027 DECEMBER 2015

t o ‘ I N t H E C L U b ’ , t H E o F F I C I A L t U E S D A Y C L U b I N t E R A C t I V E M A G A z I N E - b R o U G H t t o Y o U I N C o N J U N C t I o N wI t H t H E P E R F E C t P o P C o - o P A N D o U R F R I E N D S

WelcomeIts very hard to sum up 2015 without feeling exhausted, saddened and also very proud. Exhausted - due to this being the bands most intensive output, 2 EPS and tours, 3 recording sessions and teaching 5 drummers our set!Saddened - for obvious reasons from the almost impossible start to 2015 without Terry, to the news in November that our return gig with Toyah was to be the last for Jord and ultimately the last for The Minx. And finally tremendous pride at somehow still managing to get into the studio in January - although none of us could really face it. Playing our first gig without Terry fittingly at a gig he had previously organised for us at one of our fave venues, The Farmers Boy - this was only thanks and possible to Martin Wakeling who stepped in to save us in our hour of need. We are eternally grateful Martin. Further pride and thanks to Martin and Grant who helped us to actually get a tour together for The Forbidden Kiss (EP2) in June/July. The highlight of said tour being our launch do on one of our now famous sojourns - this time to Hull and the magnifient New Adelphi. Then from there to recording with the help of 3rd drummer or the year the fabulous Fraska, we even managed to record an new EPS worth of tracks with the fabulous Steve honest who although battling illness soldiered on to help us through. Finally bringing us to our 4th and hopefully now permanent drummer Blair who stepped in to save our Lady Gargar tour - (that was literally hours from collapsing). With so many highlights to this tour, it’s hard to list them. Though the amazing night at the Town hall in honour of our Terry organised by the mighty Steve Bedford and the amazing Sue, which also featured ‘Whatever’s Red’ and a superb ALL STAR band -

‘Automat’ including; Dave Doll, Bernie Devine and Duncan Kenyon our friends from Farm Factory Studios, and finally mention our 5th drummer of this year, the legend that is Gary Hawkins. We have to of course mention our Toyah return at Islington’s Garage for the great spectacle but also the tinge of saddness previously mentioned. Who can forget the crisps and biscuits and our launch to the world on periscope, or the three gigs in 24 hours over Halloween at Trestle, Empire Records and The Lower Red Lion or where it at all started at the Farmers Boy! There are far too many people to thank other than Martin and Blair without who the band would have ended, and we’d rather not make a list for fear of missing anyone off. Save to say without the love and understanding and support of our families and from our friends, fans, tweeters, likers, followers, DJ’s, reviewers, mag contributors, merch and ticket sellers and periscopers. Finally last but not least J-Rod and Minx two of our founder members who for various reasons decided it was time for a change. We thank you both from the bottom of our hearts and really hope that we can stay in touch and maybe even one day play live together again. There is a special photo tribute double spread on pages 14 & 15, showing some of the many highs and memories of the last 4 great years. Finally, finally! Just as we were about to sign off for the year, we are offered a brilliant gig at The Horn with Vangoffey, so for those of you who can make it, we’ll see you on Saturday, for those who can’t. We wish you all a fabulous Xmas and safe new year and hope to see you all back again in a March -April for the next tour (which is being organised as we speak). TTC forever xxx

A SAD, CRAZY & PROUD YEAR

Pic by Kun Dori - Farmers Boy, October 9, 2015

Contents

facebook.com/thisisthetuesdayclub@thetuesdayclub1 AVBD - @Vnderbraindrain The Minx - @TCTheMinx R. Marauder - @YTDS Dave Worm - @Roddamiser J-Rod - @JRod_TCwww.youtube.com/thisisthetuesdayclubthisisthetuesdayclub.co.ukinfo@thisisthetuesdayclub.co.ukpinterest.com/thetuesdayclubthetuesdayclub.tmstor.es

Cover star: The Tuesday Club

Magnificent 7 (the return of) 2-3What’s going on in our musical world

New Release! Pop up shop! 4-5Stuff to spend your filthy lucre on!

Vangoffey - The Tour Special! 5Our Big support gig

Photo Ops - Live Shots 7-11 Thanks To Sarah Lockwood and Mike Richardson

(Club) Foot tappers 12-13AVBD, The Gargar Remix Special

The Minx and J-Rod in Pics 14-15AVBD, The Gargar Remix Special

Da Minx 16The last post.

Who’s In the Club 17-18J-Rod TC

Rebel Crow Guitars Ad 19Custom guitarama!

50 Shades of Grae 20-21Chapter and verse from St.Albans’ cunningest linguists and friends

Paul Eccentric 22-23Adult Bedtime Story

The Parson’s Knows 24-28 Denise, gives us all the news from Trestle Arts base, St.Albans and it’s environs.

Empire Records Ad 29The best shop in the world, apart from ours!

T h E L A S T M A G ( N I F I C E N T ) 7 - D E C E M b E R E D I T I O N )

. . . w H A t t H E t U E S D A Y C L U b A R E S t I C k I N G I N t H E I R E A R D R U M S !

Andreas Vanderbraindrain: Supergrass - Alright

https://youtu.be/fwjXgskUN50

The Minx:

Russian Eurovision Grannies - Party For Everybody

https://youtu.be/mrIaxnjeJ58

Wasabi Penis:

Quincy Jones- Money Runner

http://youtu.be/Ce_hI8knJAo

J-Rod:

Mike oldfield - In Dulci Jubilo

youtube.com/watch?v=VCvz7uflMIU

The Beautiful Wolf:

teardrop Explodes - Colours Fly Away

youtu.be/4ZqsmQh2CLQ

Rogerio Marauder:

the bolshoi - Looking For A Life to Lose

youtube.com/watch?v=VOgi2f7Hdhk

Blair Yeah Yeah:

David bowie and bing Crosby - Little Drummer boyyoutu.be/b_ReMi7tVWA

Thanks to: Design: andy@8ecreative, Tiggy Pop. Editor: Reggie Mental. Photography: Neil

Stephenson, Sarah Lockwood, Jord, AVBD, The Eye, Mike Richardson, Sarah Martin, Dylan

Schwarz, Peter Males, Jonas De Keukelaere, Anna Wakeling, Kun Dori Words: Denise

Parsons, The Minx, Faye Don’tlikeitupum, Stuart Pidboy, Don Tellumpike, Don T. Panic, Sister

Dolly, AVBD, Beautiful Wolf, J-Rodz, Grae J Wall, Roger The Ranter, Brad Wiggs.

EXCLUSIVE EP4! OUT on 15.12.15 (see over...)

EXCLUSIVE EP4!OUT ON 15.12.15the Final piece in the jigsaw!

boo Hoobeat ovenGreyer Shades of Grey

Pre-order it here now www.thisisthetuesdayclub.co.uk

PoP UP SHoP!

Including all the hits!

and LIVE FAVES!!

Dolly Dynamite

Ain’t Got No Class

Money Means Nothing

Nanananana She Splayed My teeth

New Regime (Slow Swing)

Replication and Montage

All You Do Is wow

New Glamourwish My Slate was Cleaner

Vinyl As a Manifesto

Now you should have 3 of the 4 eps?, So make sure you have all

the other stuff too! there’s vinyl, mp3’s and Cd’s - Perfect

pop

for your last minute Christmas prezzies!!!

bUY tHEM ALL HERE... www.thetcshop.com

See you next tuesday - the Album -

white Vinyl, CD and MP3 download!

New Glamour Single A new version of the song + live fave old before your time. Avail-able on Gold enhanced CD, with special video and MP3 download!

Forbidden kiss EP2 + Cities Alive and one Idea and A Lonely Voice. Available on Silver and MP3 download! EP2 of a set of 4!

My Consciousness EP 1 + Harsh tales of Ancient News and Something Major. Available on Silver and MP3 download! EP 1 of a set of 4!

Lady Gargar EP3 + Scars are Superstars and Resistance Makes your heart

grwon fonder. Available on Silver and MP3 download! EP3 of a set of 4!

the Final piece in the jigsaw!

facebook.com/events/1641003752818253/

You can buy your tickets at the end of this link

www.musicglue.com/the-horn

Photo Op!

Huge thanks to Sarah Lockwood - facebook.com/SarahLockwoodPhotography/?ref=hl for her great pics of our support gig with The 88 at O’Neills St.Albans on 14th Nov

THaNKS FOR EVERYTHING

See you all in 2016!!! #ttC forever xxx

and also Mike Richardson of Rebel Crow Guitars for his great pics of our Halloween jaunt at Trestle Arts Base (see their ad on page 19) www.facebook.com/rebelcrowphoto

Dear Club fans - welcome to the last AVBD and The Beautiful Wolf monthly round up engineered by J-Rod. Big thanks to him for all of the expertise over the last 27 episodes. A & W will be continuing in the new year in a slightly different way, but there is no need to adjust your dial. As they will continue to bring you the new, the old, the signed, the unsigned and the inspirational from their very own musical old curiosity shops, by picking and podcasting 10(ish) tracks that turn us on! Here’s a selection of this month’s featured tracks, but you’ll have to listen to find out more :-)

CLUb‘COS the Platters still matter....

Greyer Shades of Grey - The Tuesday Club from the new EP

Boo Hoo - out on 15/12/2015

Airlane - Gary Numan from the album pleasure

principle. The first record AVBD ever bought. Blair (and Rog) are BIG fans.youtu.be/sm3z9WoqzbQ

Happy Boy - The Bolshoi This ones for Rog - Happy Boy, the track not Rog… though he is a happy

boy… anyway Job done!youtu.be/LDjYnwNN3A8

Kick - Adam and The Antz - According to AVBD this is the

definitive version of Kick which appeared first on the antmusic ep and then subsequently on the b-side of cartrouble with two drummers. This one features the original and great Dave Barbe, the man who has turned the Minx from percussion to full kit single handedlyyoutu.be/NUqWZCDd95s

The Public Image - Public Image Limited - The Beautiful

Wolfs default Soundcheck bassline. Possibly the best bassline in the world ever… youtu.be/rIAZ8unRm2c

Confusion - New Order Follow up single to the record

breaking Blue Monday - the true start of New Order as a Dance act released in August 1983youtu.be/c_L_-CKg6pw

He He Radical - Das Psycho Rangers This ones for Steve Honest, we’re not 100% how and

where, but he definitley features on this Ep by the mid 80s noise

terror 5some. This video is the title track The Essential Art of Communication from their tube appearance of 1986/7youtu.be/DUwvFwYq1po

The Magnificent - The Professionals Recently reformed and

Foot tappers

played the 100 club, surely couldn’t have matched this post Pistols pop without Steve Jones though?youtu.be/NG9RkShcxdU

Christmas Bop - T.Rex The Greatest Christmas number 1

that never was. It was pressed and ready in November 1975… but

for some reason not released until the Official fan club got hold of it in 1982. Which AVBD purchased and has played on every December 25th since!youtu.be/8LSdlbaqIoU

Love is like Oxygen - The Sweet had their last Top 10 hit in 1978 with “Love Is Like Oxygen” a

year later lead singer Brian Connelly went solo and this classic and underrated rock band were no more, don’t be fooled by the make up, these were tough rockers. The two surviving members are still active in their respective versions of the band; Scott’s is based in the United Kingdom and Priest’s in the United States.youtu.be/zRgWvvkSvfk

Things Fall Apart - CristinaSomewhere in a parallel universe this track and Israel by Siouxsie and the Banshess topped the Christmas charts in 1980, unfortunately in this

universe it was There’s No One Quite Like Grandma by St Winifred’s School Choir. Ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated? youtu.be/xObshE1D-OM

HAHAHA - The Julie RuinFrom their excellent one and only album, Run Fast. Singer Kathleen

Hanna previously fronted Bikini Kill and Le Tigre and is Married to a Beastie Boyyoutu.be/qo-l3zed5Kc

Rodion GA - DiscomaniaMindbending stuff from behind the Iron Curtain taken from an album of previously unreleased tracks by Romanian electronic psych pioneer Rodion Rosça recorded between 1975-1987.youtu.be/2Bn7RUU9C-s

Vox Detuned D.E.D - by LiarsLiars are a bunch of ex Art students from LA and this track appears on their 7th and latest album ‘Mess’ which has been on repeat on Spotify for weeks! I love it. youtu.be/qhV32Ii43r8

Dolly Dynamite - The Tuesday Club Dave, how does this one go?

Happy Christmas and New Year to all of you, thanks for listening over the last 27 episodes. We will be back at some point in the new year. In the meantime, don’t forget you can subscribe to them all and listen again on our

mixcloud.com/thisisTheTuesdayClub

we salute you! xx

Thanks to Howard Key, Peter Males, Sarah Martin, Neil Stephenson, The Eye and everyone else who took these great memories for us x

Minx & J-Rod

DAMinx

?

THE LAST POSTMonday (Monday)Minx have excellent time at Toyah, though diminutive pop star did not adopt Minx. Minx still free to roam Street with minions and Wolfdogs.

Tuesday (Tuesday)Is Tuesday so have Club of Tuesday. Much #morecowbell.

Wednesday (Wednesday)Have received phone call from office pop someone called Simon Cowbell. This is most exciting. He say that Minx has been invite to be main judge on Russia’s Got Talent. Like be Cheryl Island of Fernandos Vermicelli or Rita Oreo Biscuit or other attractive blonde lady that sound like Australian muscle car. Am most intrigue at invite. But then Simon Cowbell say that this means Minx must move back to Russia to begin filming immediate series. This means Minx have big dilemma.

Thursday (Thursday)More discussing of Si Cowbell’s proposal. Can take minion though Builder Minion express dismay at thought of leaving the United of Kingdom (why is not United Queen dom - when that Liz has been Queen for many a year, in fact minion tell me the longest reign, so why not change name in her honour?)

Wolfdogs are excite at thought of live near original home of Siberia, though Minx will prefer to stay in summer castle in Transylvania.

Friday (Friday)Is all arrange. Minx has made decision to go be big star in homeland of Russia. Simon Cowbell cannot be ignored. With name like Cowbell, Minx wonder if love will blossom, after all, always #morecowbell!

However, Minx have realised cannot take boys of Club of Tuesday with Minx. They have families and lives, not just exist around Minx and Cowbell. Is sad day that Minx realise have to leave Tuesday Club behind.

Saturday (Saturday)Minx sad. Have all packed. Wolfdogs on way to airport with minion. Special crate has been made for safe transit. Wolfdogs also have own crates.

Minx look round amazing house. Neighbours probably do not miss the Minx, but in some small way Minx will miss neighbours. Like people miss hunting with dogs.

воскресенье (Sunday)At airport for Aeroflot flight to Moscow, then will take train to Transylvania and no, of course will not be met by strange horse-drawn hearse coach with black curtains driven by man in cloak who talk with gypsy language. Contrary to popular belief Minx is not vampire, despite photo on Facebook of gig of Halloween.

That just little joke.

That was one of last times with boys of Tuesday Club. Is sad. Has been very emotional year for all TC. Minx thought last time at gig with boys might be Toyah if she adopt Minx and we go to live in midget country (not Midge Ure country, but place where tiny pop stars live) but Minx did not realise that this would be last gig because Minx get called up by Simon Cowbell to do duty to Russian people and see what talent lie out there. (do not hold much hope, as last time people talk about Russian talent, grannies take over Eurovision. (Minx swore would never watch again, but then lady with beard appear and sweep Minx off feet) Minx feel it is duty.))

And so is last ever diary entry for Tuesday Club magazine. Minx will say thank you to all TC people, for manage to keep Minx identity secret and for promote #morecowbell at all times. Never know, Minx may be back once made fortune.

It is time to say goodbye, have to go through passport barrier now and need to decide which passport to use. There have been much laughs, tears, crisps, biscuits, red shoes, EP, album, single, singing in window of dress shop, singing in window of flower shop, singing at garden party, Bishop’s tea party, famous venues, not so famous venues, playing to thousands of peeps, playing to one person who then join band, many fun in Dublin, many hour in dark studio with cans of tramp drink, lots of English fat boy, lots of pints of European fighting lager and more than that, many, many happy memories.

спасибо, это было эмоциональное уже, ТТК навсегда, #болееколокольчик

In the clubJ-Rodwith

Last year our guitarist J-Rod conducted a series of interviews with the band, but

there was no-one as adept to interview him, so we thought it only fair, as he bows

out from the TC gaze (at least for the time being), to share with us his thoughts

on the questions we usually pose to the stars! So ladies and Gents, welcome J-Rod!

1) We are sitting in the cyber pub doing this interview, and it’s our round. What do you want to drink? Hmm, what day is it? If it’s a weekday other than Friday, I’ll have a beer. If it’s Friday or the weekend, red wine please. Leave the bottle...

2) What was the last thing you heard/watched that was so good you had to tell someone about it? the film trollhunter. It’s not that it’s any good... just monumentally stupid. Go watch it - it’s on Netflix.

3) Is Punk rock dead or alive?Depends how you define your terms... if you’re talking about the Punk Ethic (tm), then that is - it’s all the way through any non-mainstream music, books, fashion... you name it. As far as ‘Punk Rock: the Music’ goes, it became a novelty as soon as the Sex Pistols sailed down the thames. PiL is testament to that.

4) In terms of new bands is the Internet help or hindrance?back in t’day, when the world wide web was new, it was a help to a certain extent - bands could get themselves massive exposure online

as there was hardly any clutter. Annoyingly, the world wasn’t looking in that direction and also, what they were able to put up there wasn’t as good as it is now. Fast forward ten years to now; the technology is there for anyone to make a pretty decent album in their bedroom and, of course, the infrastructure is now there to promote it. However, every person and their dog now seems to be ‘doing something’ and with a million promotion and PR type places ready to take your money to throw more noise into the world, the whole thing seems to be saturated. there are still bastions of good taste out there, where you can be pretty sure of hearing something decent once in a while but you have to dig very deep to find them and with a channel for every musical taste imaginable, the danger of being exposed to something new is, sad to say, slight.

5) If Football is the current rock’n’roll, what will be next? Do you think a ‘heyday’ will ever return to music. Is it?! I thought it was Etsy...! Seriously though, I don’t think there’ll be another musical heyday for a very long time. the last big musical heyday was britpop. It’s

been pretty much barren since, apart from maybe when the Artic Monkeys turned up in 2005 cos of, like... the Internet... and that’s pretty much saturated now.

only last night I was watching a Youtube compilation of all of the hit records from 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002. what struck me was how the sound of mainstream music hasn’t changed a jot in fifteen years and also, how many pop artists from back then are just as prolific now (e.g., U2, britney Spears, Eminem, beyoncé, J-Lo.. to name but a few). the record companies, on realising that the boat had sailed on the Internet for them, closed ranks, battened down the hatches and decided to stick to a ‘winning’ formula. we’re now dealing with that situation - they’re afraid to try anything that steps outside of that established formula, simply because they feel it might be the final nail in their coffin. ‘New’ artists now simply pinch older artists’ styles - and while it used to be the case that said older artist would probably not be doing very much any more, the greater majority of mainstream artists are now having longer careers and are very much still about. I’m just waiting for someone like J-Lo to start sampling her old records to create new ones.

6) What’s the best venue you’ve played/been too in the last year?without question the Adelphi Club in Hull. If it was in London, it would have been turned into Crossrail years ago or been moved three times and now cost £10 on a tuesday. Great

sound, great atmosphere and also, great history... and cheap to get in.

7) If you could be any character in a film, what film and who would it be?Marty McFly!! I won’t bother saying the film. Mind you, it would have been pretty stressful for him and also, I’m not entirely sure when he had chance to get a proper night’s sleep in the second film. being rendered unconscious doesn’t count.

8) You are now In The Club, but what club do you actually wish it was? Hmm, I’m not sure. I’m more of a bar person..!

9) Who’d be in your 4 piece fantasy rock’n’ roll band. Guitar, Bass, Drums and VocalsAgh, I hate this question as I always overthink it. If I stuck four of my favourite musicians in a band together, it would degenerate into fighting. Anyway. I’ll chuck David Crosby, Neil Young, Sam Prekop, Archer Prewitt, Eddie Cochran, Nile Rodgers, bernard Edwards and John McEntire into a ring. whoever’s left standing can start making a record.

10) What question haven’t we asked you that you wish we had? who’s round is it...?!

Thanks Jord, Gawd bless ya mate! xx

rebelcrowguitars@gmail.com

Hemel Hempstead, Hertfordshire, uk

By Grae J. Wall of The Trailer Trash Orchestra, Los Chicos Muertos and webmeister at The Poetry Underground facebook.com/groups/231169533733340

One Strange Night in Lyons!

Strange goings on indeed. There we were Mäkkelä and me playing a sweet little venue in Lyons. It took me an hour and twenty minutes to get from Luton to Lyons and an hour and forty minutes to work my way across to Kraspek Myzig on a steep winding hill overlooking the city. A beautiful part of town filled with music, comedy, art and cafe culture. It felt good to be back on the road, new adventures and new friends (and old) awaiting.

So the beers started flowing as we caught up and perused the fanzines and vinyl in the little shop corner of the venue. We chatted with the French band that was sharing the bill with us – June Bug – a sweet duo with a cool sound. So the evening started great, with a buzzing little audience and a great sound. June Bug first then Martti (Mäkkelä) and me. I kicked off our set and played a new song “Walking In To The Sun” for the first time – pleased that I got it right and it went down well. After a while I pulled Martti up to the stage and we did our version of Pale Blue Eyes, then it was Martti’s turn to play some solo numbers. I took a seat by the bar and settled back to enjoy my touring buddy’s songs.

It was about then that I started noticing. Just one or two at first then more. People in the audience started receiving texts and responding to them. One or two disappeared outside and the June Bug guys popped out to the little green room upstairs. These folks were still giving Martti a good response, clapping and cheering each song, but there was something going on, unease, an occurrence. After a while I went back on and joined Martti for our traditional duo ending to the set.

We even received an encore, but by now I was desperate to know what everyone was texting about.

We came off stage and I popped up to that little green room and I could tell by the faces of our musical compadres that something was definitely up. “Sorry we didn’t see the end of the set, there have been some attacks in Paris”. Of course everyone had friends in Paris (including us) and was eager to find out what was going on, and check all were OK. As details seeped through we learnt that one of the attacks had taken place at a music venue – Bataclan – and this was really shocking and added to the sense of concern. It also felt kinda personal. This was an attack on us.

A small group of us carried on drinking, chatting, swapping songs on Spotify. Eventually we headed back to our hostess Pauline’s flat. There was a cool cat and I think someone rolled a joint. Then we went to bed.

We awoke to a glorious sunny day. The cat was still cool. Pauline took us out for a walk around the neighbourhood, all atmospheric alleyways, graffiti blocks and panoramic views. We bought cakes and talked about music.

We had to head off early so as to make good time on our route to Catalonia, so at lunchtime we were back at the venue packing the gear. There was a guy there who had been with us the night before at the bar and he smiled as I passed him by. “Strange times” I said. He breathed in heavily and replied “This morning we woke up and we are at war”.

Two recent postings to The Poetry Underground this month; my own Antiantifolk and Jason Smart’s Euphoria. Stay safe, creative, compassionate and smart!

Until next time, Je Suis Charlie Baudelaire!

50shades...

EUPHORIA

Like a ghost you walk through me

But you do it tenderlySo I find I can’t complainWhen you do it once again.

You are kind but do you care?

Captivated when you’re there.

The consequence is plain to see;

One day soon, I will be free.

You wear my skin to dance within.

In the mirror you’re my twin.

With my joy, you paint your nails;

I’m a ship and you’re my sails.

Like a lesson I can’t unlearn

I miss you until your return.

I’m adrift upon the seaI am lost then you find me.

Jason Smart

The Poetry Underground

AntiantifolkSo this guy comes up to usAfter the showAnd he’s likeYou guys are coolI dig that antifolk soundSo lo-fiDIYAnd I’m like manWe’re so beyond thatWe’re antiantifolkNo-fi

DI JoeWe gotta goSo low

Antifolk was last year babyThis is nowGet with the sceneI could sense his consternationHe ponderedThen he spokeBut wouldn’t antiantifolkJust be folkThat was when I hit him

Grae J Wall

Paul Eccentric’sBedtime Story

PITY POOR NIGEL Pity poor Nigel for Nigel is sad. He is the richest man in the land, but he is also the saddest. Pity poor Nigel for he has everything that he has ever wanted in life... except friends. And friends are so important, don’t you think? I mean, who are we without a friend to spark off? How do we define ourselves without the company of similar minds? How can we exclude if we aren’t even included and we so like to exclude, don’t we, children? So that’s why Nigel is sad. He’s sad because he’s lonely. Pity poor Nigel for he has no-one left to talk to and Nigel likes to talk. It’s his most favourite thing in the whole wide world; well, apart from casual bigotry, righteous indignation and that smug feeling of innate superiority that he gets whenever he sees a British flag blowing in a British breeze. Nigel likes to talk and he loves to be listened to, but...well, he has never been very good at returning the favour: of listening to what others have to say to him. And that’s how friendship works, isn’t it? That’s how the world works too: a bit of give’n take here; the sharing of ideas there; the joy of debate and the satisfaction of compromise. Anything else is, well... a dictatorship. That’s why Nigel doesn’t have any friends anymore: he pissed them all off a long time ago by considering his own contemplations more worthy than theirs. He had an idea, you see: well, he had lots of ideas, really; Nigel is an ‘Ideas kind of Man’. He has ideas about pretty much everything. He’s a thinker; well at least, he likes to think of himself as a thinker. The trouble is, Nigel’s more your surface thinker than a proper cogitator: his ‘so called’ ideas, all based around the same flawed ideal: an ingrained belief system that underpins his whole identity. Thus, any ideas he does have, tend to share the same fundamentally misconceived philosophy. In short; what Nigel likes to think of as ‘his ideas’ are little more than ill-informed reactions to things that he actually knows very little about. Opinions; if you will; something that, here in England we are all still entitled to divine for ourselves. Points of view. Views based on incomplete and misleading reports; in this case, that he has chosen to absorb and adopt as an ideology. You see; like a lot of people, once an idea has

taken root inside Nigel’s head; after it has had a moment or two to swirl within that foggy, myopic quagmire that passes for his mind, he finds himself singularly unable to be shaken from it, regardless of the weight of evidence that can so often be delivered to the contrary. But it wasn’t so much this that had pissed everybody off. In fact, for a while back there it had even attracted him quite a number of new friends; disciples even, and had led directly to his becoming the wealthiest man in the land. Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? But it’s actually quite a common phenomenon. Nigel is not alone in his prejudices. It’s a sad fact of life, but people don’t always want to believe the truth of a matter if the truth of the matter doesn’t suit the standpoint from which they like to view their world. For instance, when shown a line up of possible suspects to a heinous crime, most people; knowing one of these individuals to be incontrovertibly guilty of said crime, will make an instant judgment call based on nothing greater than ‘not liking the cut of the one’s jib’. They may previously have felt wronged by somebody belonging to the same social or ethnic grouping as one of the suspects and have thereby developed and nurtured an unhealthy mistrust of all other people falling into that category. This too is quite a common problem among humans and one which, more often than not leads to paranoid cynicism, phobia and in extreme cases: hate-crime. Once an individual has adopted such a stance, he or she will not be able to believe any truth which disputes their ignorantly ingrained view. Thus, even once informed of the identity of the true culprit, many will still insist that their original choice ‘must’ve had something to do with it anyway’. The so called: ‘No smoke without fire’ effect. In this same way, a newspaper›s editorial standpoint is never merely as arbitrary as it may at first appear. It will be the result of exhaustive market research into the commonly held opinions of both its hard core audience and its regular advertisers; thus, people›s views are reinforced; stoked and exploited by a politically skewed version of reported facts. People will believe only what they want to believe. And there are always going to be those who will take advantage of this actuality and use it to inveigle their own hateful philosophies. There is a word for this and it’s one that Nigel hates hearing bandied in his general direction. That word is: ‘fascist’. Now, Nigel refuses to recognise this term; he doesn’t associate himself

with the picture that it evokes. He sees himself more as a ‘have-a-go-hero’ type; a champion of the underdog. He styles himself more along the lines of your modern day Robin Hood; fighting for the rights of the put-upon and the oppressed: a lone voice in the wilderness, unafraid to stand up and be counted as such. There’s a word for this too: ‘delusional’. Nigel had started well, arriving as he did at a time when many were beginning to voice their doubts toward the policies of their political leaders. People had liked what he’d had to say; they’d empathised with his views. He was a radical; an extremist by any other name and people like extremists. They’re decisive; they say it as they see it; they get things done. The people of Britain had had enough of wishy-washy; self-deprecating liberalism. It was time for a tougher approach. The trouble was; as any popular entertainer worth their salt knows: you never hit’em with your strongest piece first; for if you do, then what do you do for an encore? In order to stay in the hot seat, Nigel had to see his plan through to its zenith... These days Nigel lives in a big, posh house; it came with the job. He hasn›t always lived this way, though. He originally came from much humbler stock. He used to hate people who lived as he now lives, but you change as you get older, don›t you? You adapt to your surroundings; it›s the human way, apparently. There›s a word for this too and that word is ‘hypocrite’ and it’s another word that Nigel isn’t particularly fond of hearing. Nigel didn’t set out to become a rich man, which is rare for a politician of any allegiance. Nigel’s aim had been to create a better place for his fellow countryman to live in. A fairer place; a country to be proud of; as far as he read it. The people saw this and began to believe in him. His vision became their vision: that united, they could make Great Britain Great again! Nigel wasn’t a toff; he hadn’t even been to Eton: he was one of them; he had their interests at heart. He laid out his ideas and the public bought him; hook, line and lead weighted sinker. When the masses feel downtrodden; when they feel that they’ve been bullied into a corner from which they can see no ready escape, they’ve often been known to throw in their lot with an enigmatic, outspoken loon, eager to blame ‘The Others’ for the problems being collectively faced. (I’m thinking 1930s Germany or 1990s England, to name but the most obvious.) So Nigel was elected by popular vote and moved from his suburban semi into Downing Street. The people hailed him a folk hero, pinning all their nationalistic hopes on him.‘Saint George’s Day to become a national holiday’ was his very first move.

The nation cheered. ‘Great Britain to leave the European Union!’ his second. They had held street parties in his honour. ‘Britain’s borders to be closed with an armed guard to be posted

at checkpoints along every British beach!’ And the crowd went wild! It was Nigel who had officially voiced what the masses had longed to suspect: ‘that the majority of crimes were committed by foreigners.’ Six months into his reign and everybody not born within the UK, along with all those born within the UK, but without at least one indigenous parent were repatriated, either to their country of origin or their nearest ‘ancestral’ home. The crime rate stayed the same. There were letters written to The Times bemoaning the fact that it had become impossible to find a decent curry, book a taxi or engage the services a reliable plumber. Eight months in and with a serious shortage of both service sector and skilled professionals, England receives a dearth of suddenly repatriated pensioners, all sent home from various affronted nations around the world.

Nigel counters this by expelling anyone not of ‘obvious’ British heritage. The country takes on a decidedly anaemic pallor. As promised, he sells off the NHS. As promised he introduces his ‘one size fits all’ tax rate. Indigenous Brits jump ship in their droves seeking asylum in the third world. The economy collapses. The people begin to doubt their champion’s wisdom. In desperation Nigel invokes one final cull: everybody with darker than natural toning; with a foreign sounding name (himself exempted, obviously), and anyone who cannot trace a pure British heritage prior to invasion by the Vikings, must leave the country. s into the now vacant Buckingham Palace. It’s easier to defend than Downing Street and big enough for his burgeoning ego to expand into. Ahh, Britain. Britain as it was meant to be! Free from alien interference. Green fields; a common language; totally crime free; population:... one. Pity poor Nigel for he is lonely. Pity poor Nigel for he has no friends. Pity poor Nigel for he didn’t think it through. Pity poor Nigel for he is a twat.

Parsons Knows

TheBy Denise Parsons – Music Promoter – ‘The Live Music Project’ Trestle Arts Base, St.Albans

THIS MONTH’S TOP BANDS, ARTISTS and EVENTS!

Ho Ho Ho… Can’t believe it’s that time of the year again. The last 12 months have been a whirlwind of gigs, gigs, gigs, radio shows & yet more gigs, gigs, gigs & one of the best years I’ve had for a very long time. Our local music scene is truly vibrant with so many fantastically talented performers. So let’s take a moment to give thanks & appreciate what we have right here on our doorsteps! There have been so many releases this year I would be hard pressed to pick a favourite but here’s a few that have not only impressed me musically but have attached themselves to my heart strings.. in no particular order – Dodo Bones – Distracted, Faeries – Only Ever, Polkabilly Circus, Cicero Buck – The Birth of Swagger & Broken Boat – Small Defeats. All of these are available online or better still at Empire Records, St Albans.

And as we head towards 2016 there are a few new releases coming up that deserve a mention.

Hope New EP release on 12th December - Optimist Side facebook.com/events/1133872856627815/

Sarah Munro

New single – ‘For Eternity’

youtube.com/watch?v=9bCDyQaRxOo

Tinlin

New album due out Jan 2016 – I’ve had a sneaky copy & it’s gonna be great!

facebook.com/Tinlinmusic/?fref=ts

Batford Dogs

Newly released Xmas single ‘For You’ in aid of the Syrian Refugge Crisis – Please do check it out! facebook.com/Batford-Dogs-763269053817483/?ref=ts&fref=ts

Ben Drake

Reprecussions - youtube.com/watch?v=Fq0c7zjJTyQ

The Deltas

Good Time Guide – will be out in 2016 & again had the sneaky copy & to be honest it’s not left the CD player yet!! Will be released on VINYL as well.. Love these guys!

facebook.com/The-deltas-250517841792977/?fref=ts

More info to follow – Very exciting!!

And just a couple of gigs to mention that will be worth seeing before we all gravitate towards the Sofa, TV & Chocolate for a festive rest!

Acoustic Lounge – The Hare & Hounds – Sunday 20th December 3 – 6pm. Hosted by me & featuring Dodo Bones, Starseedz & Ben Drake +++ A lovely chilled afternoon in this cozy pub, hopefully some Mulled Wine

http://thehorn.co.uk

Trestle Arts Base, Russet Drive, St.Albans, AL4 OJQ, t: 01727 850950 e: production@trestle.org.uk w: www.trestle.org.uk t: @trestletheatre

soundcloud.com/denise-parsons-1facebook.com/theparsonsknows?ref=hltwitter.com/RVparsonsknows

as well. We’re hoping to get in the festive spirit after all.

Vangoffey + The Tuesday Club - Saturday 12th December, The Horn, St.Albans

facebook.com/events/1641003752818253/

You can buy your tickets here:

www.musicglue.com/the-horn

The Zipheads + Brocker – Tuesday 22nd December – Horn, St Albans.

facebook.com/events/941103489258176/

Tickets will sell fast for this one so get ‘em now!!!

On other news I would just like to thank Jack Hobbs from Jacket Studios for all his amazing work over the last couple of years running the sound for The Live Music Project. Jack has been a joy to work with. Not only giving me the best sound I have heard this year but always reliable, happy & helpful. I will miss you Jack but wish you all the very best on the next stage of your career. I am sure that you will do brilliantly!

So, that about wraps it up for this month & indeed this year. Can’t wait to see what 2016 brings for Local Music ! Wishing you & yours a very Merry Christmas full of love & peace.

http://www.empirestalbans.com