How to undo “I can't ...”

Andy HuntPractical Wellbeing

© Andy Hunt, Practical Wellbeing 2013

If you think you can, or you think you can't,

you're right!

Henry Ford

What is “I can't” ?

Image courtesy of seyed mustafa zamani

I can't ...

● speak in public

I can't ...

● speak in public● fall in love

I can't ...

● speak in public● fall in love● say that to my mother

I can't ...

● speak in public● fall in love● say that to my mother● leave this job

I can't ...

● speak in public● fall in love● say that to my mother● leave this job● get out of this relationship

How can we challenge the “can'ts”?

How can we challenge the “can'ts”?

Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP)

How can we challenge the “can'ts”?

Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP)

The Meta-Model

How can we challenge the “can'ts”?

Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP)

The Meta-Model

Modal Operators Of Possibility

Unpacking “I can't”

The Meta Model gives us a couple of questions to help you unpack “I can't”.

Unpacking “I can't”

The Meta Model gives us a couple of questions to help you unpack “I can't”.

But, before I tell you what they are, think of an “I can't” that is operating in your life

Unpacking “I can't”

The Meta Model gives us a couple of questions to help you unpack “I can't”.

But, before I tell you what they are, think of an “I can't” that is operating in your life

Got one?

1st Question

I can't …

1st Question

I can't …

What stops you?

1st Question

Two Sorts of Answers● Emotional blocks to moving forward

– Memories of times when you learned this

– Other beliefs

– Etc

1st Question

Two Sorts of Answers● Emotional blocks to moving forward

– Memories of times when you learned this

– Other beliefs

– Etc

● Acknowledgement of ignorance– “I don't know how”

2nd Question

I can't …

What would happen if you did?

2nd Question

Answer● Undesired consequence(s) of stepping beyond

that limitation.

A Question Of Time

Now

What stops you? What would happen if you did?

PAST FUTURE

Tapping On Can'ts

Tapping On Can'ts

1. Unpacking the stoppers

Tapping On Can'ts

1. Unpacking the stoppers

2. Unpacking the what-ifs?

Tapping On Can'ts

1. Unpacking the stoppers

2. Unpacking the what-ifs?

3. Rehearsing a better future

Unpacking The Stoppers

Standard setup

Even though I can't … I accept myself and how I feel x 3

Unpacking The Stoppers

Alternate statements● EB: I can't ...

Unpacking The Stoppers

Alternate statements● EB: I can't …● SE: What stops me?

Unpacking The Stoppers

Alternate statements● EB: I can't …● SE: What stops me? ● UE: I can't ...

Unpacking The Stoppers

Alternate statements● EB: I can't …● SE: What stops me? ● UE: I can't …● UN: What stops me?

Unpacking The Stoppers

Alternate statements● EB: I can't …● SE: What stops me? ● UE: I can't …● UN: What stops me?● …

Process answers to the question

Unpacking The What-Ifs

Alternate statements● EB: I can't …

Unpacking The What-Ifs

Alternate statements● EB: I can't …● SE: What would happen if I did?

Unpacking The What-Ifs

Alternate statements● EB: I can't …● SE: What would happen if I did?● UE: I can't …

Unpacking The What-Ifs

Alternate statements● EB: I can't …● SE: What would happen if I did?● UE: I can't …● UN: What would happen if I did?

Unpacking The What-Ifs

Alternate statements● EB: I can't …● SE: What would happen if I did?● UE: I can't …● UN: What would happen if I did?● ...

Unpacking The What-Ifs

Alternate statements● EB: I can't …● SE: What would happen if I did?● UE: I can't …● UN: What would happen if I did?● …

Process answers to the questions

Rehearsing A Better Future

Imagining that you could …● EB: I can't …

Rehearsing A Better Future

Imagining that you could …● EB: I can't …● SE: and what if I could … ?

Rehearsing A Better Future

Imagining that you could …● EB: I can't …● SE: and what if I could … ?● UE: I can't …

Rehearsing A Better Future

Imagining that you could …● EB: I can't …● SE: and what if I could … ?● UE: I can't …● UN: and what if I could … ?

Rehearsing A Better Future

Imagining that you could …● EB: I can't …● SE: and what if I could … ?● UE: I can't …● UN: and what if I could … ?● ...

Advantages Of This Process

● Simplicity – just 3 questions

Advantages Of This Process

● Simplicity – just 3 questions ● Exploratory – user unpacks their own

experience

Advantages Of This Process

● Simplicity – just 3 questions ● Exploratory – user unpacks their own

experience● Respectful – you are not having to take on

someone else's reframes or ideas.

Advantages Of This Process

● Simplicity – just 3 questions ● Exploratory – user unpacks their own

experience● Respectful – you are not having to take on

someone else's reframes or ideas.● Future oriented – mental rehearsal paves the

way for doing things differently

Practice Suggestions

● Make a note of every time you think or say “I can't … “, then process those can'ts

Practice Suggestions

● Make a note of every time you think or say “I can't … “, then process those can'ts

● When someone else says “I can't ...” (and it's appropriate) ask them “What stops you?” or “What would happen if you did?”