hidden power of meaning

The Hidden Power of Meaning: The Top 10 Tips for Reframing & Belief

Change with NLP

By Jamie Smart

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The Hidden Power of Meaning: The Top 10 Tips for Reframing & Belief Change with NLP

By Jamie Smart

©2008 Jamie Smart salad® All Rights Reserved www.saladltd.co.uk

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Contents Contents

Conversational Belief-Change Patterns ...................................................... 3 TM

Some Tips for Conversational Belief-change ................................................ 4

The Structure of Beliefs ........................................................................................ 5

The Hidden Power of Meaning ............................................................................ 6

Recoding History ...................................................................................................... 8

Eliminating the Fear of Failure ......................................................................... 11

Instant Perspective ............................................................................................... 14

How To Transform Worries & Concerns ....................................................... 17

How To Use Meaning & Turbocharge Your Goals & Motivation ........... 20

Uncovering Your Deepest Motivators ............................................................ 23

The Magic of Instant Reframing ...................................................................... 26

The Magic of Symbolic Loading & Unloading .............................................. 28

How Meaning Can Help You Get What You Want ..................................... 31

Bonus Tip: How Changing One Word Can Save Your Sanity ............... 33

More Information ................................................................................................... 35

About the Author ................................................................................................... 38


By Jamie Smart


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Conversational Belief-Change PatternsTM

Sleight of Mouth is a powerful set of NLP language tools for conversational belief-change. Robert Dilts coined the name after witnessing Richard Bandler using patterns he co-developed with Dr. Christina Hall PhD. Dilts proceeded to model Bandler and make explicit the patterns he was using, then augmented them with the patterns of famous rhetoricians through history. The resulting patterns are presented in these cards, alongside other patterns useful for shifting beliefs conversationally.

• Eliminate limiting beliefs for yourself & others • Create powerful, positive belief-sets • Learn ‘Sleight of Mouth’ quickly & easily • Master conversational belief-change • Turbo-charge your coaching & influence skills • Achieve your goals & bring your dreams to life • Contains 52 language patterns & 52 Belief change Questions (BCQs)


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Some Tips for Conversational Belief-change

● Rapport is absolutely essential! ● Assume the person can actually do (on some level) what they say they can’t. ● Assume and uncover the positive intention / purpose of the belief. ● Acknowledge the reality of the situation. ● Determine the belief’s structure. ● The belief will be represented in the body in some way. Belief-change will involve state-change. ● Remember that beliefs are self-protective and survival oriented. ● Presuppose that beliefs are perceptions. ● Wire in the language patterns on these cards and enjoy experimenting with them. ● Know your outcome, and be present, aware and intuitive. Language patterns are not a substitute for a sense of direction, open sensory channels, and behavioural flexibility.


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The Structure of Beliefs

You can model beliefs as ‘feed-forward’ mechanisms that sort & filter data in order to prove themselves to be true. Beliefs are valuable resources, generalisations that people use to give themselves a sense of certainty & a basis for decision-making in an uncertain & ambiguous world. Beliefs have sensory & linguistic representations – when one changes, the other will change. The linguistic structure of a belief can be described as either A causes B or A means B. People are often only aware of part of a belief (the A or the B), but you can use questions like Why is it like that? & How do you know? to uncover the linguistic structure of the belief (the A & the B). Uncovering the linguistic structure & acknowledging the value / positive intention of the belief makes belief-change faster & more effective.


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The Hidden Power of Meaning

In this tip, I’m going to share a powerful idea that underpins much of NLP

uman beings are meaning-makers. As we go through our lives, we are always

• It gives us a sense of certainty (people like certainty).

gives us a storyline, which helps us make informed decisions about what

The da is ambiguous

person is about to go into a grocery store when suddenly they see a man the

hat’s going on here? What does this mean?

a) The gun-man needs money to pay for meditation classes, and is in the

he gun-man is helping the clerk prepare for a play he’s due to act in.

here’s a robbery in progress.

hat’s the real answer? We don’t know – we’ve only been presented with the

he actions they take.

ople like certainty

s you can imagine, there is a big survival benefit in being able to make meaning

nse of

nce people have a sense of certainty about something, they tend to “make the

re not matters

change-work, and can transform situations that you may have perceived asstuck, limiting or unresourceful until now. Hendeavouring to make meaning of the situations that we face. This ability to make meaning of situations has two clear benefits:

• It

to do next. ta

Apointing a gun at the clerk and shouting, while the clerk hands over bills fromregister. W

process of selling the clerk his gun.

b) T

c) T

Wdata, & the data is ambiguous. It could mean anything! However, the answer the person chooses will determine tThe meaning they make from the data gives them a storyline they can use to make informed decisions. Pe Ain an effective way. However, there’s also a trap in this. Once we have established what we think something means, we like to stay with the secertainty it gives us. Ofacts fit” – they reverse engineer the evidence to fit the meaning they’ve made. “So what?” I hear you ask. “Assuming there’s a robbery in progress & calling the police is the safest most sensible action to take in this situation.” True. However, most of the meaning-making decisions we make aof life & death, but they can affect the quality of our lives in significant ways.


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Some examples:

• A new employee hears their manager shouting at someone on the phone & decides it means “She loses her temper easily” or “She’s an angry person”.

• A person gets a feeling of confusion while learning something new & decides it means “I can’t learn this stuff” or “I’m stupid.”

1) Choose an example from your own life where you’d like to experience

greater resourcefulness. Think about “the data” - the sights, sounds, smells, tastes & feelings. Ask yourself “What does this data mean?”

You might like to open to the idea that the meanings you’ve created for these things are ‘stories’ – stories to enable you to make decisions about what to do etc.

2) Thank yourself for having created those meanings, then ask yourself “What else could this data mean?”

Remember, the data is ambiguous. You create the meaning. And you can always decide to create new meaning.

3) Repeat step 2 until you begin to notice that you’re experiencing greater resourcefulness in relation to this situation.


By Jamie Smart


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Recoding History

“There is no good nor bad but thinking makes it so.” William Shakespeare

In this tip, I’ll reveal a simple yet powerful tool you can use to transform the meaning of past events, & make you more resourceful in the present & future. In the films “The Sixth Sense” and “Fight Club”, the audience is given some information later on in the story which causes them to re-evaluate the entire film up to that point. The meaning of many of the film’s previous scenes changes completely in light of the new information. As we go through our lives, we encounter various situations, decide what they mean, then base subsequent decisions & actions on the meaning we have made. We don’t think & act based on the raw sensory data – we think & act on the meaning we have made of the data. Just let that sink in for a moment… We think & act on the meaning we have made of the data The experiences we have as we go through our lives don’t ‘mean’ anything – they are neither ‘good’ nor ‘bad’. The only meaning they have is the meaning we each have given them. As we make meaning of each situation, that meaning becomes a basis for future meaning-makings.

1) Choose a stage or situation in your life that turned out alright in the long-run, but at the time you felt worried, anxious or afraid. Make a note of it.

For instance, at elementary school, I was small for my age & terrified of getting beaten up. 2) Pretend that the “younger-you” from that time is sitting in the room with

you, & ask him/her what that situation meant to them. If you like, you can pretend to be that “younger-you” for a moment to find out “from the inside”.

In my case, the 7-year old me decided it meant I had to make people like me, & avoid upsetting people. I also decided that pain was something to be afraid of. 3) Ask yourself (the older, wiser you) whether that meaning still applies to

you, taking into account the broader perspective you have, & the fact that you have survived whatever it was you were concerned about.

In my case, while I’d learned some useful communication skills & the ability to think on my feet, the meaning I’d made at age 7 no longer applied. 4) As you look over your life, what are some of the events & realisations

which, if they had known about them at the time, would have made that younger-you feel more resourceful? Make a note of them.


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Here are some of the things that the 7-year-old me could have done with knowing:

• That I would survive (at least into my 40s)

• That pain is worth avoiding, but it’s nothing to be afraid of

• That fighting is a learnable skill, & that it’s OK to defend yourself

• That bullies are cowards who are trying to make themselves feel big

• That if you stand up to bullies, it may hurt at first but they’ll eventually leave you alone (I didn’t discover this valuable lesson until I was in my teens)

NB. I am not an expert on bullying & am not offering this as a strategy for people who are currently being bullied. If you or someone you know is being bullied, please seek out expert advice on the subject. 5) Communicate these discoveries to that younger-you (you can even

pretend to be that younger-you & receive the messages from your older, wiser self). Ask that younger-you if there’s anything else they need – if there is, find a way to give it to them.

Notice & accept any thoughts, feelings & sensations as you communicate with that younger you. 6) Also let that younger-you know that you love them, & that you believe in

them – that they matter. Here are some other “good messages” you can communicate to that younger-you.

• You’re important – you matter

• You have a right to be here – you belong

• You’re here for a reason – there’s a purpose for your life

• Your opinion counts

• You’re valuable – you don’t have to “do anything” to make yourself valuable

You can say these messages, or just imagine the ideas being communicated with a burst of stardust, golden light, or any other imagery that works for you. (Thanks to Robert Dilts for these “positive sponsorship” messages) 7) Invite that younger you to go through life all over again with those

resources in place (this can happen quickly, taking only a few seconds), noticing how their experience of events has changed with those resources in place.


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8) You may notice a sense of greater resourcefulness as you emerge from this process. You might like to imagine some of the future situations where this resourcefulness will be useful to you. Imagine experiencing several of those before you return to the present & allow all these ideas of yourself to finish integrating for now.

Bear in mind that the re-coding in “The Sixth Sense” and “Fight Club” doesn’t take any effort – your mind does it automatically once the new information is revealed! As you sleep & dream, you can allow this process of integration to continue as you look forward to discovering how these new learnings can surprise & delight you in the days, weeks & months to come!


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Eliminating the Fear of Failure

"Today's scientists have substituted mathematics for experiments, and they wander off through equation after equation, and eventually build a structure

which has no relation to reality." Nikola Tesla

In this tip, I’ll reveal some ways you can use meaning-making to instantly reduce (or even eliminate) fear of failure. In the domain of science, an experiment is an approach for acquiring deeper knowledge about the world, while setting out to solve a particular problem or answer a particular question. Scientists design & perform experiments in order to find out what happens. Experiments don’t succeed or fail per se – they just have an outcome, revealing something about the world in the process. The insidious fear of failure Lots of people set goals of one sort or another to help live the kinds of lives they desire. Yet all too often, goal-setting can be “corrupted” by fear of failure, which can…

• Stop people setting goals in the first place

• Put so much pressure on them to succeed that they crumble

• Create a focus on failure that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy In addition, we’ve all been told how useful it can be to…

• “Detach from result” & “enjoy the process”

• Believe that there’s no failure, only feedback

• That you only fail if you don’t learn However… if it’s your 15th time trying to stop smoking, or your weight is still yo-yoing after 200 diets, or you’re still broke despite setting big-hairy-goals to make a billion dollars, these aphorisms may fall a bit flat. Here’s an alternative. You can frame goals as experiments. You can frame goals as experiments Instead of framing goals as win/lose, succeed/fail affairs, you can frame them as experiments.

1) Read the following goal-pairs out loud & find out how they feel different to you…


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Success frame Experiment frame

I want to get super fit & healthy, eat nourishing food & look great naked.

For the next month, I want to find out what happens when I avoid sugar, eat plenty of protein & slow carbs, & take regular exercise.

I want to become fabulously wealthy.

For the next 90 days, I want to find out what happens when leave my credit cards in a drawer, live only on cash, & spend 20 minutes a day taking action on increasing my financial intelligence.

While the “success frame” goals can be quite exciting & motivational, they also run the risk of activating the succeed/fail polarity – fear of failure. While it’s really useful to set big motivational goals, it may be worth then reframing them as action-oriented experiments. Why? Because an experiment means something different. The purpose of an experiment is for discovering something, learning something about the world (and yourself).

2) For some change you want to make or goal you want to achieve, find out what happens when you frame it as an action-oriented experiment.

“OK” I hear you say “But what if the thing I’m afraid of failing it is bigger than an experiment. I want to embark on a new career, but I’m worried that if I screw it up, I’ll wind up broke & at the bottom of the career ladder.” I was saying goodbye to a friend of mine recently, & I said “Take care.” He replied to me “Don’t take care – have an adventure.” In cases where an experiment isn’t quite enough, you may need something bigger. An adventure! You can always have an adventure


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It’s possible to frame any endeavour as an adventure.

• Want to try out a new career? You may love it, or you may loathe it, but either way, you’ll have an adventure.

• Want to quit your job & sail around the world? You’ll have an adventure.

• Want to start your own business? You’ll have an adventure.

• Want to leave a relationship? Or start a new one? You’ll have an adventure.

These days, I see my life as one big adventure. The great thing about this is that it doesn’t require things to turn out a certain way. After all, adventures are full of twists & turns of one sort or another.

3) If you wish, you might like to find out what happens when you frame life as an adventure.

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature,

nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure.”

Helen Keller


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Instant Perspective

In this tip, you’ll discover a strategy you can use to create new perspective (& thus a new experience) in almost any situation. I was watching TV recently, & there was an advert for the Canadian National news (I’m in Canada at the moment). It showed a close-up of a child’s smiling face. Then the camera pulled back to reveal that he was one of a group of children, all holding firearms. The slogan flashed up on the screen: When you go behind the headline, you get a different story. By changing the frame size, they brought new information into focus. Changing frame size Every perception has a frame – certain information is ‘in focus’ & other information is ‘out of focus’. For instance:

• A person who describes themselves as “unhappy” may be aware of certain memories & feelings, but may not be aware of other things (for instance, the sensations in their left big toe, or the climax of their favourite film).

• A person who describes themselves as “successful” may be aware of certain things (Eg. various achievements, relationships & their feelings about them) but not about other things (Eg. the way they felt when a hoped-for deal didn’t turn out the way they wanted it to).

As we perceive ourselves & our world, we are always including some information & excluding other information. “Changing Frame Size” is a reframing technique for usefully bringing new & different information into focus, & it’s particularly helpful for belief change. There are several ways of doing it:

• Examine the situation from a wider or narrower perspective

• Examine the situation from a smaller or larger time-frame

• Examine the situation using a larger or smaller number

1) Choose some belief that you may have perceived as limiting you (or someone you know) until now. If you’re not sure, choose an “I can’t…”

Examine the situation from a wider or narrower perspective When you increase the 'frame size' of a limiting belief, a person starts to include information that they'd previously excluded. You can change the frame size in terms of perspective, space, time, number or anything else you can think of.


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Limiting Belief Wider or narrower perspective

“If I don’t control people then things won’t turn out right.”

How do you know which people you don’t have to control?

I understand how you feel, but you don’t have to control the culture of Eastern Europe, do you?

“I can’t use NLP language patterns because I don’t feel comfortable with them.”

Maybe it’s a matter of starting with one language pattern, and getting comfortable with that before you continue mastering the others.

What responses have you noticed from others when you have used those language patterns?

2) How can you introduce a larger or smaller perspective that could alter how

you (or the other person) perceive this belief? You can also change frame size in terms of time.

Limiting Belief Smaller or larger time-frame


You weren’t born believing this, were you?

How will your great-great-grandchildren manage when you’re not here to control them?


When you were a child, you didn’t use language at all, yet now you can speak fluently, can’t you?


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3) How can you use a larger or smaller time-frame to alter how you (or the person) perceive this belief?

You can change frame size in terms of the number of occurrences.

Limiting Belief Smaller or larger number


I understand how you feel, and I guess you don’t have to control every single person in the country, do you?


What are some of the common words and phrases that you use regularly on a day-to-day basis? Let’s start by exploring the patterns of language you are already using comfortably.

4) How can you use a larger or smaller number of occurrences to alter how

you (or the other person) perceive this belief? Changing frame size is an example of one of the NLP “Sleight of Mouth” patterns. They are particularly powerful tools for transforming meaning for yourself & others. Stay tuned for more sleight of mouth in the weeks to come!


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How To Transform Worries & Concerns

In this tip, I’ll show you some weird questions that can transform the way you feel about problems, worries or fears. Practitioners of “The Options Method” have a very interesting view about negative feelings. The idea is that the only reason people feel bad about things is because they think they’re supposed to. In general, when people feel bad about something, it’s because they think something along the lines of:

• feeling bad about the thing means they’re a good person, or

• feeling bad about the thing will motivate them to sort it out

• feeling bad about the thing is their punishment for being bad in some way The approach we’re exploring here challenges those beliefs.

1) Make a list of some concerns, things that may have been bothering you until now. This can include changes you may have found difficult to make, problems you haven’t been able to solve, even “limiting” beliefs or “negative” feelings.

For instance, a person’s list might read something like this:

• I’m angry at Bob because he was rude to me in front of my boss

• I want to get fit, but haven’t seemed able to motivate myself to go to the gym

• I’m in debt, & I’m worried about it

• I’m afraid of public-speaking, & I have to make a presentation at work

2) Next, ask yourself how you feel about each item on the list, & make a note of it.

For example…

Concern Feeling

I’m angry at Bob because he was rude to me in front of my boss.

Angry

I want to get fit, but I don’t seem to be able to motivate myself to go to the gym.

Depressed & frustrated

I’m in debt, & I’m worried about it. Worried

I’m afraid of public-speaking, & I have to make a presentation at work.

Stressed


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3) Ask yourself “What connects all of these? What are all these concerns

examples of?” Come up with a label, a name for this set of concerns, & make a note of it.

(For my examples above, possible labels might be “Expectations” or “State Control”.)

4) Choose one of the concerns from the list, & brainstorm your answers to the following questions, making a note of your responses.

a. What would it mean if I did not feel [feeling / state] about [issue]

For example:

Issue Feeling / State

What would it mean if I did not feel worried about being in debt?

I’m in debt, & I’m worried about it.

Worried • It would mean that I won’t be motivated to get out of debt

• It would mean that I’m irresponsible

• It would mean that I’m going to end up on the street

b. What would it mean about ME if I did not feel [feeling / state] about [issue] c. What would it mean about THE WORLD if I did not feel [feeling / state] about [issue] d. What would it mean about THIS ISSUE if I did not feel [feeling / state] about [issue] e. What would it mean about THIS FEELING if I did not feel [feeling / state] about [issue] f. Who would I BE if I did not feel [feeling / state] about [issue]

As you look at the list of possible meanings you’ve come up with, you might like to remind yourself that you’ve made these up. They’re not actually ‘true’ per se – they’re merely stories that you’ve been telling yourself until now. And isn’t it nice to know that the fact that you’ve made up these stories means that you can make up new, more empowering stories?

5) As you look over the list of possible meanings that you’ve made, ask yourself “What else could this mean?”


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Issue Feeling / State

What else could this mean?

I’m in debt, & I’m worried about it.

Worried • It could mean that I trust that everything’s going to be OK.

• It could mean that I understand that what you focus on increases, so my priority is to start having good feelings about financial matters as I get my spending under control.

6) Take a few moments to allow your useful learnings & realisations from

exploring this particular issue to generalise to the other concerns you identified.


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How To Use Meaning & Turbocharge Your Goals & Motivation

In this tip, we’ll extend those “meaning questions” to help you make the changes you want to, turbocharge your motivation & achieve your goals, dreams & desires. Everyone has goals, wants & desires, whether they’re a work in progress or a distant wish. Just like we make meaning of past events, we also have ideas about the meaning of future events, such as the achievement of a goal or the making of a change. In many cases, these meanings are unconscious. When you uncover the unconscious meaning of a goal or change, you can get valuable information to help you “turbo-charge” it.

1) Choose some goal you’d like to achieve, a change you’d like to make or a dream you’d like to bring into reality.

This can be something very specific, something more general, or something in between. Here are some examples:

• I want to be slim, fit & healthy, & look great naked.

• I want to create a world-renowned coaching business

• I want to spend more time with my family

• I want to travel the world having adventures

• I want to learn how to do conversational belief change

• I want to earn £10,000 in passive income over the next 12 months.

2) Brainstorm answers to the question “What would it mean if I achieved that outcome?” (I find it useful to write down the thoughts as soon as they pop into my head, no matter how silly they might seem).

If we take the passive income example, it might look something like this: What would it mean if I earned £10,000 in passive income over the next 12 months? It would mean that…

• I have reserves for doing other things

• A sense of security

• The feeling that I can relax

• I’m a success

• I could buy a new car


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For each of the meanings you came up with, brainstorm answers to the question “What would it mean if [meaning]?” For example:

What would it mean if I had reserves for doing other things?

• I could try some new experiences

• I could take a decent chunk of time off work

• I could put money away for a rainy day

What would it mean if I had a sense of security?

• I could relax

• I wouldn’t have to worry

What would it mean if I had the feeling that I can relax?

• I’d know everything’s OK

• I could explore more things that interest me

What would it mean if I was a success?

• I could stop struggling

• My friends would be impressed

• Peace

What would it mean if I could buy a new car?

• I’d feel good about myself

• My neighbours would be jealous

• My work colleagues would be impressed.

3) (Optional) For each of these meanings, repeat step 3. This will take a bit

longer, but is well worth doing when you’ve got some time.

4) For each of the meanings you’ve brainstormed, ask yourself the following questions: a) Do I have to wait until I achieve the goal to have this? For instance, a number of the things on the list are possible without a big stack of money:

• Relaxing • Putting some money away for a rainy day • Trying some new experiences

b) Is this goal an appropriate source for this? For instance, money is not necessarily an appropriate source for:

• Feelings of security • Knowing that everything’s OK • Not having to worry


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In fact, some of the most worried, insecure people I’ve ever met have been extremely wealthy! c) Is this an “intrinsic” or an “extrinsic” effect of the goal? While it’s OK to be motivated by “extrinsic” effects such as making your neighbors jealous, or impressing your colleagues, it doesn’t deliver the same kind of deep, lasting fulfilment delivered by “intrinsic” goals such as peace, contribution or expressing creativity.

5) Ask yourself “What else could all of this mean?” For instance, here are some other possible meanings for achieving the goal of earning £10,000 of passive income:

• It means I’m a creative being • It means we live in an abundant universe • It means that I produce more than I consume • It means I can have fun with money

6) For any of the meanings or effects that you like, brainstorm ways that you

can start to achieve them right away. This will make your goal easier to achieve!

Of course, all these things can be true before your goal is achieved. It’s not about taking away goals – you’re perfectly entitled to have what you want. It’s about examining the underlying motivations & meanings to find out what’s lurking there. I remember someone saying something to the effect of “There’s nothing worse than climbing up a long ladder only to find that it’s leaning against the wrong wall”.


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ncovering Your Deepest Motivators

In this tip I’ll reveal a way that you can uncover your deepest motivations & lp

ut first, a story…

traveller was walking along a dimly-lit street one night when he came across a

le of

was once giving an influence presentation, & I told the audience that the only

ew

1) Choose some goal, desire or dream that you’d like to achieve; some thing,

ere are some possible examples:

sis

sk yourself “Why is that important?” and make a note of your answer. or example:

oal: To be doing work I love

hy is that important? I’ll feel really alive, like what I’m doing really matters.

3) Take your answer, & ask yourself “And why is that

U

values, the things that are most important to you. This technique can also heyou discover what’s most important to others, their strongest “influence buttons”… B Awell-dressed man on his hands & knees, searching in the grass by the side of the road. The traveller asked the man what he was looking for, & he replied drunkenly that he was looking for a set of house-keys he had lost a coupstreets away. “Why aren’t you looking for the keys in the place where you lostthem?” the traveller asked. The well-dressed man raised his head & said, “Because the light’s so much better here!” I reason they wanted what they wanted was the feelings they would get. There were a lot of sceptics, so I asked one of them to tell me about something he’d bought recently & was really happy with. He said “My new Lexus.” I then askedhim why his watch was important, what it gave him. He answered “Status.” I repeated the question, asking why status was important. And so on. Within a fjumps, he arrived at “I feel like I’ve arrived. Like I matter.”

state or experience you’d like to bring into your life. Write it down on a piece of paper.

H

• To be doing work I love • To get a new car • To lose 20 pounds• To write a book • To master hypno

2) A

F G WWhen you ask “Why is that important?” you start tapping in to your deeper motivations, the purpose for wanting what you want.

important?” Repeat the process until you’ve asked this question 7 times.


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For example:

Goal: To be doing work I love

1) Why is that important?

I’ll feel really alive, like what I’m doing really matters.

2) And why is that important?

Because then I’m not fighting against myself – I’m running smoothly.


It’s how I’m designed to operate.


Because it’s efficient & feels good.


Because I’m on track, on purpose. Not wasting time, wasting my life.


Because I’m here for a reason. The world needs me. And I need the world.


Because that’s what gives my life meaning.

When you get through to what my friend Joe Stumpf calls your “5s, 6s, & 7s”, that’s the stuff that really matters to you. These are the deep motivators that can act as a source of energy & power in your life. It’s often the case that a person wants something that they’ve been judging as “shallow” or “superficial”, only to discover that it connects with something of deep importance in their life. Of course, as you get more information about the stuff that’s really important to you, you can make adjustments to the “surface” stuff accordingly. In the example above, I might invite the person to look at the things that they are spending their time on, & ask how it relates to their purpose. I might also ask them questions like:

• How do you feel when you’re on track, on purpose, with a sense of meaning?

• What are some of your ideas about what you purpose could be today?

• What can you do today that can connect with your deeper purpose?

• What are some of the ways that you can imagine moving towards a fuller expression of purpose in your life?


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4) How do you feel when you’re experiencing your 5, 6 & 7? What are some

of your ideas about how you can connect with your 5, 6 & 7 today? What are some of the ways you can imagine moving towards a fuller expression of your 5, 6 & 7 in your life?

By the way, feel free to design some questions for yourself that relate specifically to your 5, 6 & 7. You might even like to use these questions as a daily ritual to help you continue to stay focused on what really matters to you in your life.

5) Take some action today that connects you with your deeper motivations. Even if it’s just doing this exercise.


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The Magic of Instant Reframing

In this tip we’ll explore the magic of ‘instant reframing’. I was recently talking to a friend, explaining how I had taken certain actions as a matter of “self-preservation”. My friend asked if it was really a matter of life & death – did the term self-preservation really apply? I had to admit that it didn’t. It was at best a mild case of irritation-avoidance. Why did this matter? Because the range of options I was considering (based on the term “self-preservation”) was more extreme than the situation called for, & could have ended up damaging a precious relationship. My friend’s alertness to my language (as well as the rapport, & his genuine desire to be of service) had a powerful positive effect. ‘Instant Reframing’ is the term I use to describe changing a word or several words to change how someone perceives the meaning of something (aka the redefine pattern in sleight-of-mouth). Compare the following:

Column A Column B

“The system’s just crashed – it’s a total nightmare.”

“The system’s just crashed – it’s a minor setback.”

“She drives me crazy with the things she says.”

“I sometimes feel irritated when I listen to some of the things she says.”

“They’ve screwed up my order – it’s a disaster.”

“They’ve screwed up my order – it’s a mild inconvenience.”

When I told my friend that I was acting from a place of “self-preservation”, I had also unconsciously activated the various circuits & resources in my neurology that are appropriate to a situation of self-preservation. Why do people do this? Here are some possible reasons…

• Drama – it adds excitement & adventure to life, which can lead to… • Significance – we all like to feel important, though this can lead to… • Habit – often these modes of speech are automatic, which can result in… • Familiarity / Addiction – there’s nothing quite so addictive as emotions…

Having said that, people will take the best choice they perceive as being available to them at the time.


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To recap: Using extreme language (nightmare, emergency, disaster etc) to describe less-than-extreme situations (train delay, lost keys, missed project deadlines) has a very specific effect: it freaks people out. When a person gets freaked out, adrenalin gets pumped into their system, a signal that they are in a struggle for survival. But you can ‘tone down’ the language to elicit a more appropriate response (NB. it’s important that your new definition still acknowledges the reality of the situation.)

They say You Respond

We’re running late – this is an absolute nightmare!

I’ll call ahead to let them know we’ve had a bit of a hiccup and we’ll be a few minutes late.

The website’s gone down. It’s a total disaster.

Chernobyl was a disaster. This is a minor inconvenience. How quickly can we get it back up again?

She drives me crazy with the things she says.

I know, some of the things she says can feel a bit irritating, can’t they. What do you suppose she’s trying to accomplish?

1) Next time you hear yourself using “dramatic language” that makes you

feel bad, ask yourself “What word(s) could describe this situation more helpfully?”

It’s not about making yourself wrong. It’s about giving yourself an invitation to…

• Be kind to yourself • Focus on the outcome you want • Run your neurology more effectively • Making your relevant resources more fully available

2) Next time you hear someone you care about using “dramatic language”

that makes them feel bad, ask yourself “What word(s) could describe this situation more helpfully?”

A few tips for doing this with others…

• Acknowledge (at least to yourself) their positive intention in using dramatic language

• Establish & maintain rapport • Notice the response you’re getting • Practice it in “low-risk” situations


By Jamie Smart


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The Magic of Symbolic Loading & Unloading

In this tip we’re going to explore what I call “Symbolic Loading & Unloading”. If you’ve ever found yourself struggling to achieve goals in the areas of money, health, success, happiness, relationships or mastery, what I’m going to reveal today may fascinate you. My mum used to tell the following Christmas-cracker joke:

Question: “When is a door not a door?” Answer: “When it’s ajar.” I didn’t say it was a good joke! But there’s a serious point, which I’ll demonstrate by asking these questions:

Question: When is money not money? Question: When is health & fitness not health & fitness? Question: When is your ideal partner not your ideal partner? Answer: When they’re heavily symbolised. You may already be familiar with the phrase “The map is not the territory”, relating to the idea that our maps & models are not the things they represent. Well, in Western society, there are certain “goals” which are highly symbolised – they are heavily symbolically loaded. What do I mean by “symbolically loaded”? I mean that they carry a bunch of “meaning” that isn’t evident in the word itself. Here are some examples:

Situation Things that are likely to be Symbolically Loaded

Things that are less likely to be Symbolically Loaded

A person in the UK who is struggling to make ends meet so they can feed their family.

• Money & Wealth

• Holidays

• Oxygen

• Blinking

• Newspapers

An entrepreneur who’s trying to build their first business after leaving their job

• Success

• Jobs

• Money

• Sandwiches

• Notepads

• Doing the laundry

A woman who’s trying to find a new partner

• Men

• Women

• Relationships

• Toast

• Teachers

• Bricks


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Here’s a fun way to find out how semantically loaded your goal is:

1) Brainstorm your ideas about your goal, people who have already achieved your goal, & the process of getting your goal. Don’t think about it – just answer off the top of your head, with the first thing that comes into your mind:

Your answers might look something like this.

• Becoming wealthy will make me happy.

• People who have money are mean.

• Whenever I think about money I feel stressed.

• People who are fit & healthy are boring

• Getting fit & healthy is painful

• If I was fit then I’d have more fun.

• The problem with men / women is that they only want one thing

• People in relationships have dull lives

2) For any of the statements which feel “negative”, replace your “goal-word(s)” with something that is not symbolically loaded (see examples below).

Category Things that are less likely to be Symbolically Loaded

Static Things & Objects Spoons, tables, wheelbarrows

Flowing things & objects Air, water

Behaviours Blinking, walking,

People Engineers, Pen Manufacturers

Human qualities Tanned, brown-eyed


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For instance:

• People who have spoons are mean.

• Whenever I think about spoons I feel stressed.

• People who have brown eyes are boring

• Getting tanned is painful

• If I was tanned then I’d have more fun.

• The problem with engineers is that they only want one thing

• Pen manufacturers have dull lives Have fun with this (I got the idea from Paul McKenna’s adaptation of Patricia Remele’s exercise from her book Money Freedom).

3) Compare your two lists, & notice any shifts in your thoughts or feelings.

Of course, there are reasons why certain concepts (money & sexuality for instance) get given so much attention by society, as they relate so directly to issues of survival and replication. But people often attach a bunch of meaning to them that they don’t even have. For instance:

• I’ll be happy when I get money / health / relationship / success etc When we “unload” these symbols (because that’s what a given goal is – a symbol), you may find that you start to notice an increasing sense of freedom to go for what you want.


By Jamie Smart


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How Meaning Can Help You Get What You Want

In this tip, I’ll reveal how you can uncover & eliminate some of the negative meanings that may have been blocking you from achieving certain goals or making certain changes until now. In Michael Neill’s superb book, “You Can Have What You Want”, one of his core messages is that once you get really clear on what you want, & get OK with wanting it, the universe conspires to help you get it. In it, he uses some powerful & unexpected questions to help you get clear on what you want. Here are some of my favourite questions from Michael, as well as some of my own variations:

1) What would you want if you didn’t have to be unhappy about not getting it?

This one’s a bit of a mind-bender, & works on the basis that many people don’t allow themselves to acknowledge what they want because they’re afraid that if they didn’t get it, they’d be unhappy. One of the myths that we get sold by advertising etc is that we need certain things in order to be happy. This puts a lot of pressure on the “things” (goals, material possessions, success etc), & rarely works.

2) What would happen if you allowed yourself to be happy without getting what you want?

The basis of this question is the idea that you can allow yourself to be happy whether you get what you want or not. This takes the pressure off the goal / thing / circumstance to “make” you happy. People sometimes think that being unhappy about not having something will motivate them to take action to get what they want. But we have natural sources of motivation & inspiration, & you can trust those. It’s not about not getting what you want. It’s about not using unhappiness as your source of motivation.

3) What would it mean about you if you allowed yourself to be happy without getting what you want?

This is a variation on the above. Lots of people (especially people who have read lots of personal development books) have the idea that if you’re not completely driven, then you “don’t want it enough.” A slightly gentler version of this question is “What would it mean about you if you allowed yourself to be happy whether you got what you wanted or not?”


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4) What are you afraid would happen if you got what you want?

People often have fears or concerns about the consequences of getting what they want. If a person wants to be wealthy, but they’re afraid that if that happened, they’d get targeted by kidnappers, they’ll avoid getting wealthy. If a person wants to lose weight, but they’re afraid that if they do, they’d cheat on their spouse, they’ll avoid losing weight. Look at your answer(s) to the question. If there’s a feared consequence, how realistic is it? How can it be avoided?

5) What are you afraid it would mean about you if you got what you want? People also have concerns about what getting what they want might mean about them. If a person is worried that becoming wealthy will mean they’re selfish, that getting fit will mean they’re vain, or becoming famous will mean they’re shallow, they probably won’t do it. But you can ask yourself “What else could this mean?”


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Bonus Tip: How Changing One Word Can Save Your Sanity

In this tip, we’re going to have a look at how changing one word can transform the way you feel about certain “less than pleasant” tasks & make you feel much more resourceful. But first of all, hats off to Nikki Owen (Uber-assistant of my company, Salad) who saved my bacon (and quite possibly my sanity) a few months back with some classic Real World NLP. A bit of background: I used to work managing large, mission-critical business projects for publishing companies. While I was good at my job, there was a minor problem: I really didn’t like it! So I quit my job, learned NLP & created Salad so I could do what I love. So far so good. The problem started when we set some new business goals, and I decided that we needed to use a ‘project’ to make them happen. We duly started having meetings, creating plans, and generally doing all the things you need to do when running a project. And I started getting tense. Then I started getting tenser… It came to a head when Nikki told me that for a week or two I’d been snippy with the people on my team. Now here’s the thing: I have an amazing team at Salad, and the last thing I want to do is be snippy with them. Plus, being snippy totally messes with my preferred self-image as a wise and serene leader! We had to do something fast. That’s when Nikki had one of her (not uncommon) flashes of brilliance: “Instead of calling it a project, we’re going to call it an adventure.” Now, I know you may be saying “That’s just changing the name”, but it’s actually doing much much more. You see, words don’t start at the mouth. When you hear or say a word, loads of associations are brought into your mind. If the words have quite a narrow focus (Eg. iPod, chair, towel) then the range of connections in your mind is typically quite small. But for words with a broader focus, or where you have a lot of emotionally-charged experience, the range of connections is much larger.

1) Identify an activity or process that’s important to you, but that you don’t feel particularly resourceful about.

For me, it was something I was describing as a project, but other examples might be:

• A test • A bill • A meeting • A deadline


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In my case, describing something as a project activated certain skills & abilities (useful) and a whole bunch of unpleasant memories & emotions (less useful). In my mind, the word project was associated with a bunch of images, sounds, smells, tastes & feelings that was something like a medieval vision of hell.

2) What are some of the ways you could describe this more resourcefully?

Unresourceful Example Possible Resourceful Alternatives

A project • An adventure

• An experiment

A test • A checkpoint

• A review

• Measuring your progress

A report • A distillation of information

• An action plan

• A discovery document

A meeting • A get-together

• A possibility session

A deadline • Crossing the finish line

• A success date

A goal • An aspiration

• A vision

The key is describing it “more resourcefully”. Lots of people refer to “problems” as “challenges”, but if doing that has no effect for you, call it something else. For me, the word adventure, is associated with a bunch of images, sounds, smells, tastes & feelings that was more like a path through a lush forest, with beautiful rolling hills in the distance. Aaaah. And relax.

3) Experiment with different descriptions & notice how you respond to them. When you get a description that has useful associations (ie. It feels good & you can take positive action as necessary), congratulate yourself.

Once we figured this out, I did some NLP to get access to all the project skills & other resources, while leaving all the nasty project feelings & associations in a box at the bottom of the ocean. But I’ll keep calling it an adventure. After all, anything worth doing is worth getting excited about!


By Jamie Smart


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About the Author

Jamie Smart is the Managing Director of Salad Seminars Ltd, as well as the principal trainer. He spent much of the nineties leading large, mission-critical business projects and change programmes. In the process, he found that individual change is the key to collective change, and became fascinated with helping people achieve the results they want. This fascination led him to NLP, and he has spent from 1996 to the present day learning from the finest teachers and materials, and applying what he’s learned. Jamie is an NLP Master Practitioner and is licensed by Richard Bandler and the Society of NLP as a Trainer of Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP).

Jamie is author of The NLP Tip, an e-zine which goes to thousands of people around the world each week (available from www.saladltd.co.uk), as well as the creator of Ericksonian Hypnosis CardsTM and many other products. He lives in Leicestershire (UK). When he isn’t helping other people get what they want, he likes going for long walks in the woods, listening to music and reading. Acknowledgements I’ve been fortunate to learn from a number of great NLP Trainers and other innovative thinkers and teachers. Thanks to anyone whose efforts have made their way into this work. Specific thanks to… • Richard Bandler • John Grinder • Joseph Riggio • Eric Robbie • Jo Cooper • Peter Seal • Timothy Leary • Marianne Williamson • Michael Breen • Sháá Wasmund • Peter Freeth

• Robert Dilts • Sid Jacobson • Jonathan Altfeld • Robert Anton Wilson • Ian Watson • Michael Neill • John La Valle • Paul McKenna • Christina Hall • Michael Watson • All my students

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