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FORGIVENESS LEADS TO ANGER MANAGEMENT FOR HEALTHY LIVING

BS PRESENTATION

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TO ERR IS TO HUMAN ……..……TO FORGIVE IS TO

DIVINE !!!

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The definition of forgiveness

• Forgiveness is a non-verbal concept that cannot be adequately captured in words.

• We can best know what forgiveness is when we experience forgiving.

• Words can help to point in the right direction, though, and in particular clarify what forgiveness is not. Metaphors can also have a helpful function in providing understanding where words fail.

• It involves a process of dissolving feelings of anger, resentment and/or hatred towards an individual who is perceived to have selfishly or maliciously done one deliberate harm, by means of the cultivation of some degree of compassion towards the offender, and/or the acceptance of such positive feelings should they happen to evolve naturally in the victim’s experience.

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FORGIVENESS IS NOT…

• CONDONING OR EXCUSING AN ACTION

• SELF SACRIFICE OR SWALLOWING YOUR TRUE SELF OF PLAYING THE MARTYR

• EASY, IT CANNOT BE FORCED AND MUST COME ON ITS OWN

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FORGIVENESS IS…

• GIVING UP THE THOUGHT OF A BITTER PAST AND LOOKING FORWARD TOWARDS A BRIGHTER FUTURE.

• A PROCESS OF LETTING GO OFF NEGATIVE EMOTIONS THAT HAVE TAKEN OVER YOUR LIFE.

Forgiveness as a healing gift to oneself, and as radical

acceptance of the human condition.

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The power of forgiveness ....

• It is a gift given to the offender that they do not deserve.

• The offender need not know it has been given. It is a private, spiritual experience of letting go of anger and resentment and offering loving kindness to the transcendental, unchanging part of the offender’s being.

• It is given freely by the person who is doing the forgiving. Forgiveness means making a commitment to ending the feelings of anger, resentment or hatred that are harboured towards that individual.

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• By letting the offender off the ‘anger’ hook, you can get off it yourself, and live a happier life. You are no longer attached to the offender by a hook, and can let them go.

• It is achieved by giving a gift of compassion to the offender, and seeing their actions as bad, but the person the offender has the potential to be as good.

• The process of forgiveness can perhaps be helped by a form of metta bhavana meditation where you wish the person who has hurt you transformational experiences in a hypothetical universe, where they learn through difficult experiences the negative effects of their behaviour, and where, by means of both negative and positive experiences, they learn compassion.

• It involves a radical acceptance, on some level, of the world as it is, with all its serious imperfections.

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PROBLEMS IN THE WAY OF FORGIVENESS

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The experience of ‘unforgiveness’

• Imagine we have (or someone else has) suffered an injustice. It is something that violates our/their rights and dignity.

• As a result, we feel angry and resentful toward the offender(s). • Anger, resentment and hatred are painful emotions.• The more serious the injustice and hurt, the more intense and

protracted the anger and resentment may be.• We may feel anger and resentment for years and years.• The person we feel angry towards may not know or care how we

feel, or may be dead.

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• Most people would say forgive those who have hurt you and have done you wrong and just let go of the past. It is easy to say but much harder to do.

• Forgiving is not an easy task. Letting go of the things that have caused us pain or suffering is not at all easy.

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WHAT TO DO THEN?

Some suggestive steps which can be followed:

HEALTHY RESPONSE(to the feeling of hurt and insult): acknowledge that you feel hurt.

to follow the hurt back into its roots in the past to all those times and circumstances when you felt the same way.

to avoid the popular response to feelings of hurt and insult.

forgiveness.

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• It’s not easy. But the alternative is to stay stuck right next to them on that hook. That’s not easy either.

• Forgiveness is a difficult process – but a great opportunity for personal growth.

• We might consider that perhaps there are no bad people – only bad actions. The transcendental self of the person who has harmed you has the potential to act differently if and when they develop moral wisdom and compassion.

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The effects of unforgiveness

• Psychiatrists find that people who feel incapable of or unwilling to forgive past hurts experience greater levels of anxiety and depression.

• They are also at a higher risk of cardiovascular disease and cancer.

• Psychological and physical symptoms such as stress-related backache, insomnia and stomach aches are common.

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ANGER MANAGEMENT

All anger is, at its core, a dark and cruel wish for harm to come upon the person who hurt you.

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The truth is, anger may be a “natural”—that is, a commonly occurring—social reaction to hurt and insult, yet being natural doesn’t make it good for us.

There is never such a thing as “justifiable” anger.

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Organize your mind for six minutes every hour to

control anger.

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Say sorry at the right moment to reduce the anger of others.

For every 10 minutes you are angry you lose 600 seconds of

happiness.

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A short pencil is better than a long memory.

Use it to reduce your anger.

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We cannot change others as easily as we can change ourself.

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Aristotle’s Challenge

Anyone can become angry -- that is easy. Anyone can become angry -- that is easy.

But to be angry But to be angry • with the right person, with the right person, • to the right degree,to the right degree,• at the right time, at the right time, • for the right purpose, and for the right purpose, and • in the right way -- in the right way --

this is not easy. this is not easy.

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Learn to FORGIVE & MOVE ON…

with SMILE

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