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Anger ManagementDebra Wallace MS Licensed Marriage & Family TherapistThe Therapy Tree Wellness CenterPositiveReframe.org847 850-9444Though we all have the fear and the seeds of anger within us, we must learn not to water those seeds and instead nourish our positive qualities those of compassion, understanding, and loving kindness. Thich Nhat Hanh

CARINGCOUNSELING CENTER

123 West Main StreetNew York, NY 10001_______________________www.carecounseling.com|P: 555.123.4568F: 555.123.4567

123 West Main StreetNew York, NY 10001|www.carecounseling.com|P: 555.123.4568F: 555.123.4567"The nonviolent approach does not immediately change the heart of the oppressor. It first does something to the hearts and souls of those committed to it.

It gives them new self-respect; it calls up resources of strength and courage that they did not know they had. Finally it reaches the opponent and so stirs his conscience that reconciliation becomes a reality."

Martin Luther King, Jr.

Non-violent Reality

123 West Main StreetNew York, NY 10001|www.carecounseling.com|P: 555.123.4568F: 555.123.4567Anger is a normal feeling and natural reaction; one of the mind's ways of reacting to things that it perceives to be wrong. severe distress, hostile feelings because of opposition, a hurt, etc.; to excite wrath. (Webster)uncontrolled anger often leads to rage and violence a strong, uncomfortable emotional response to a provocation that is unwanted and incongruent with ones values, beliefs, or rights (Thomas, 1995)Often secondary emotion =>Build up of embarrassment, shame, hurt, grief, vulnerability, fear; Fear turned outward

Anger DefinedWhile anger can sometimes lead people to do shocking things, it can also be an instinct to show people that something isn't right.

Debra Wallace MS LMFT www.PositiveReframe.org

BehaviorStress

LoveFearAll negative behavior comes from a state of stress and unmet needTriggering Sensory Event Dr Bryan Post

EmotionThe Stress Modelwww.postinstitute.comDebra Wallace MS LMFT www.PositiveReframe.org

ThedownsideImmediate effect: anger floods the brain with stress hormones & flips our lid, disrupting higher level brain functioning such as attention, planning, decision making, problem-solvingLong term effect: Increases fight/flight response, Dysregulation, and Hyper-arousal State: chronic anger, hostility, vigilance; lowers tolerance & resilience, and increases risk of impairing or destroying connections in the brain and for dis-ease

Negative effects on emotional & physical wellbeingIf ignore anger, then builds inside becomes depression, anxiety, addictions or health problems, then eventually explode hurting others and selfExperience more negative feelings, thoughts and consequences; Tend to repeatedly make poor decisions when dysregulated; Increase stress and risk of side-effects for loved ones, especially childrenBecome more reactive or disconnected which affects ability to self-regulate, learn new skills and keep healthy relationshipsUncontrolled anger is a danger to your health, your job, your relationships, and most importantly, your life

Debra Wallace MS LMFT www.PositiveReframe.org

Research on Anger Beware of venting and negative/aggressive release as it can reinforce negative beliefs/energy & fight/flight arousalChronic anger tends to cover incredible painGreatest predictor of satisfaction in marriage is how people handle conflict and angerwomen's anger is fueled primarily by substantive violations of their core values. Their anger arose in circumstances of powerlessness, disrespectful treatment, and lack of reciprocity in their most important intimate relationships (Thomas et al., 1998)women's anger generally appeared rational and justifiable, given the situations of recurrent injusticeIt is not irrational to expect to be listened to and treated with respect by significant othersTypically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications.Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.

James ThurberDebra Wallace MS LMFT www.PositiveReframe.org

I love challenges and believe practicing what preachDebra Wallace MS LMFT www.PositiveReframe.org

Anger ManagementDoes not mean to never be angry Anger has self-protective value- Activates arousal of fight/flight response- Assert/maintain boundaries courage to correct injusticesTransform anger to positive change

Managing Anger means one can:reducing physiological arousalchange irrational & hostile thoughtsdecrease stressors & environmental stimuliStop negative behaviors that harm self and others as well as inhibit problem solving & positive connectionsGive evil nothing to opposeand it will disappear by itself.

Tao Te ChingDebra Wallace MS LMFT www.PositiveReframe.org

Anger is a great force.If you control it, it canbe transmuted into a power which can move the whole world.

William ShenstoneDebra Wallace MS LMFT www.PositiveReframe.org

I was happy to hear a you all were interested in anager management b/c that told me we have amotivated grouyp who whats to make a change.Debra Wallace MS LMFT www.PositiveReframe.org

Anger Management WorksheetWhat event or problem is making me feel angry?What are the signals that tell me I am angry?Body Signals: clenched jaw, tense muscles, sweating, heart racing, etcThought Signals: I hate him/her. I cant handle this. Im not going to take this anymore. I give up. etcAction Signals: hit, yell, threaten, tremble, withdraw3. What can I do to relax my body?What helpful self-talk can I use to control my thoughts?What effective action can I take to deal with the situation or solve the problem?What is my anger trying to teach me?It takes four generations to recover from every act of violence.

Rebecca Adamson

Debra Wallace MS LMFT www.PositiveReframe.org

Strategies to transform Anger Awareness of anger, triggers, and physiological responsesUnderstand underlying feelings and unmet needsProcess Stress: communication, relaxation techniques & self-careChange perceptions and self-talkConnect

Anger is in fact a gift when it prompts our mindful action.

Debra Wallace MS LMFT www.PositiveReframe.org

Im stuck in a resentment story,forgiveness is about releasing the pain, hurt and other limitations from your body and mind.Forgiveness is never about saying something wasnt wrong, it is saying that you will no longer allow it to have a hold over your life...

Debra Wallace MS LMFT www.PositiveReframe.org

Awareness

MindfulnessA way to become aware of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in any given moment within body, mind, spirit & relationshipsPaying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally. ~Jon Kabat-Zinn Non-evaluative, accepting, compassionate approach to your inner experience

Between stimulus and response there is space. In that space is our power to choose our response.Viktor E. Frankl

Debra Wallace MS LMFT www.PositiveReframe.org

Understand and ProcessIdentify underlying feelings and needs Journal or Letter writing - Rip it up, seal it in an envelop, send it or dontActive Listening: - Goal is to understand, summarize, ask clarifying ?s, empathizeAssertive, Non-violent Communication to express - I Statements I feel _______________ when (briefly describe specifics) because (share more about your past) I would like (specific request or need).Learn positive ways to deflect abusive statementsExercise, Art, Dance, Hobbies, Hug, Sing, list is endless Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy.Aristotle

Debra Wallace MS LMFT www.PositiveReframe.org

takes huge strength and courage to express and communicate our pain to the people who hurt us. In doing so, we expose ourvulnerable sidethe very part that we want to protect and keep safe.But when we communicate painful emotions, we take astep outside of our comfort zoneand into a wonderful learning and growth opportunity.The next time someones actions hurt you, try telling them how you feel. For example, When you raise your voice, I feel scared and disrespected, or When you ignore me, it makes me feel unappreciated. Choose the right words to convey your feelings.Try to express yourself from a calm and balanced frame of mind. Your words will have more effect if you are able to express them from a strong, healthy standpoint.

Debra Wallace MS LMFT www.PositiveReframe.org

Relaxation TechniquesBreath Work - Deep breaths, 4-7-8 BreathingBiofeedbackMeditationVisualizations Bilateral StimulationWalk, spin, alt tap, stress ballsEmotion Freedom Technique(EFT)Progressive Muscle RelaxationYogaSENSORY STIMULATION: Your stress system is affected by sensory input; what you hear, taste, touch, smell & seeMusic AromatherapyEnvironment TemperatureTouch, gentle, respectful: massage & hugs

A matter dealt with gently is sure to prosper, but a matter dealt with violently causes vexation.

African proverb

Debra Wallace MS LMFT www.PositiveReframe.org

OxytocinDebra Wallace MS LMFT www.PositiveReframe.org

SELF-CARE ESSENTIALSWrite out personalized Self Care planThink of what brings love, peace & joy, make a commitment to doing it consistently.Do your B-E-S-T for yourself, your partner, your famil