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Dealing with Difficult People

Practical Strategies for Minimizing Their Disruptive Influence On Your Life

Presented By:Shannon Odom

Principal, Joe M. Gillmore Elementary

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Dealing with Energy Vampires

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Objectives..

At the conclusion of this workshop, you should be able to:

Identify the major types of difficult people and recognize the behaviors they exhibit.

Develop a plan that works for you in dealing with difficult people.

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Why worry about difficult people?

• These people are EVERYWHERE! You cannot avoid them entirely.

• Unfortunately, they often hold positions of power.

• Give them a chance and they will make your life miserable.

• You can’t change them, but you can change the way you react to them.

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What sorts of behaviors are exhibited by difficult people?

• They are insensitive and demanding.

• They are aggressive and hostile.

• They are vulgar and insulting.

• They are hateful, arrogant and demeaning.

• They are rude and uncivilized.

• They are either unresponsive or irresponsible.

• They are dishonest and conniving.

• They are uncooperative.

• They are sensitive, suspicious and intent on placing blame.

• They are stupid and ignorant and blissfully unaware of it.

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How do THEY make us feel?

• Angry• Resentful• Helpless• Hopeless• Worthless• Frightened• Intimidated• Annoyed• Revengeful• Overwhelmed

• Hostile• Inferior• Threatened• Hurt• Insulted• Frustrated• Used• Hateful• Etc.

• Angry• Resentful• Helpless• Hopeless• Worthless• Frightened• Intimidated• Annoyed• Revengeful• Overwhelmed

• Hostile• Inferior• Threatened• Hurt• Insulted• Frustrated• Used• Hateful• Etc.

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How do these feelings make us behave?

– Withdraw– Nag– Argue– Give Up– Explain– Try Harder– Plot Revenge

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Why do they behave this way?

The payoff!

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The Bulldozer

• They are the bully of the group.

• They know it all.

• Often use threats, sarcasm and intimidation.

• They can be loud or hostile.

• They can be abusive.

• They have the potential to overwhelm you.

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Fire Hose

• Dampen Enthusiasm• Everything will fail• Negative Statements• Constantly Complaining

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Sniper

• Excludes key people• Withhold information• Use hidden attacks, innuendos, digs,

non-playful teasing• Wreck havoc and you don’t see them

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So What Can I Do?

• Label them• Neutralize them• Understand them• Accept them• Inform them• Involve them• Ignore them• Convert them

• Avoid them• Persuade them• Confront them• Rehabilitate them• Discourage them• Isolate them• Punish them• Pray for them

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Neutralize them…

Why should I?• Removes incendiary

behavior from an emotionally flammable environment

• Reduces their payoff• Reduces the

disruption in your world

• Minimizes your stress

How can I?• Take notes • Avoid eye contact• Comment on their emotional arousal• Ask them what

constructive things they have tried

• Ask them what they want you to do

• Warn them, then hang up or leave

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Label them…Why should I?• Helps you cope• Helps you realize

they need to be managed

• Lowers your expectations

• Reminds you to detach

How can I?• Monitor your

emotions• Imagine a sticky

note labeled, “A Real Nut” attached to their foreheads

• Pity them• Concentrate on

observing them

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Confront them…

Why should I?• Disrupts usual

response patterns

• Provides relief from helplessness

• Encourages others to take action

How can I?• Document their

behavior• Line up

witnesses• Give emotions

time to dissipate• Confront in a

calm manner with respect

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What can I do for me?

• Choose to Eliminate Negative People• Become the Observer• Exercise• Worst Case Scenario• Avoid Heated Discussions• Most Important• Pour Honey• Express It• OIYLI (Only If You Let It)