stages of grief
TRANSCRIPT
STAGES OF GRIEF/DYING
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fz917TTgMig
• Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her book “On Death and Dying” in 1969
• Stages are responses to loss, but there is not typical response to loss as there is no typical loss (David Kessler)
• Tools to help us identify what we may be feeling
• Do not proceed in a liner timeline
• Not everybody goes through them or in a prescribed order
• Don’t last for weeks or months
• They are responses to feelings that can last for minutes to hours
• Often slip in and out of them
Stage 1: Denial
• “No, not me, it cannot be true”
• Person who is dying: may look like disbelief
• Person who is grieving the loss of a loved one: more symbolic than literal
• First reaction: to be paralyzed by shock or numbness
• Reassurance-seeking, doctor-shopping, seeking re-evaluations
• Denial functions as a buffer after unexpected, shocking news
• World seems meaningless and overwhelming
• Helps us to survive the loss, pace our feeling
• Nature’s way of letting in only how much we can handle
• Temporary defense to be replaced by partial acceptance
• As acceptance of reality sets in, healing process begins
• But as we proceed, feelings that we have been trying to deny, begin to surface
STAGE 2. ANGER
• Anger can present itself in many ways – at yourself, lived ones, doctors and the world
• It surfaces once you know that you are going to survive whatever comes
• “Why me?”
• Feelings of sadness, loneliness, panic also appear, but anger is at the forefront
• Unexpected, undeserved and unwanted situation
• Necessary stage of the healing process
• There are other emotions under this anger
• We are used to managing anger and we choose to avoid feelings underneath until we are ready
• It gives temporary structure to the nothingness of loss
• Natural reaction to the unfairness of loss
• Difficult to cope with from the point of view of family and hospital staff
• Anger is displayed in all directions
• Few people place themselves in the same position and hence wonder where it’s coming from
STAGE 3. BARGAINING
• “if only…” or “what if…” statements
• We want life returned to what it was, our loved ones back
• Go back in time, detect the illness earlier or stop the accident from happening
• Associated with guilt
• Finding fault with ourselves and what we could have done differently
• Even bargain with pain, trying to remain the past
• Most bargains are made with God
• Attempt to postpone the inevitable
STAGE 4: DEPRESSION
• Anger, rage, numbness get replaced by a sense of great loss.
• Past loss and impending loss
• Added losses such as financial troubles
• Depression has elements that are helpful in grief
• Slows us down and helps us take stock of the loss
• Helps us rebuild ourselves
STAGE 5: ACCEPTANCE
• Often confused with the notion of being alright or okay
• Accepting the reality that a loved one is gone and this new reality is the permanent reality
• Final healing and adjustment
• Awareness of the common-sense reasons of loss, though we may not understand them
COMPLICATED GRIEF
• Intense longing and yearning for the deceased
• Intrusive thoughts or images of your loved one
• Denial of the death or sense of disbelief
• Imagining that your loved one is alive
• Searching for the person in familiar places
• Avoiding things that remind you of your loved one
• Extreme anger or bitterness over the loss
• Feeling that life is empty or meaningless
THERAPY
• Crisis Intervention
• Bereavement Counselling
• Grief therapy