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Derek Siversabout me blog books email list contact

Fish don't know they're in water2011-06-19

Fish don't know they're in water.

If you tried to explain it, they'd say, Water? What's water?

They're so surrounded by it, that it's impossible to see.

They can't see it until they get outside of it.

This is how I feel about culture.

We're so surrounded by people who think like us, that it's impossible to see

that what we think are universal truths are just our local culture.

We can't see it until we get outside of it.

I was born in California and grew up with what I felt was a normal

upbringing with normal values.

I was speaking to a business school class here in Singapore. I asked, How

many people would like to start their own company some day? In a room

of 50 people, only one hand (reluctantly) went up.

If I would have asked this question to a room of 50 business school

students in California, 51 hands would have gone up. (Someone would

have run in from the hallway just to raise their hand.)

Thinking maybe they were just shy, I asked, Really!? Why not? - and

asked individuals. Their answers:

Why take the risk? I just want security.

I spent all this money on school, and need to make it back.

If I fail, it would be a huge embarassment to my family.

Then I realized my local American culture. The land of entrepreneurs and

over-confidence. I had heard this before, but I hadn't really felt it until I

could see it from a distance.

All of my Singaporean friends live with their parents. Even pretty successful

ones, even married ones, even up to age 35, live with their parents at their

parents' home.

When I told one that I left home at 17, she was horrified. She said, Isn't

that horribly insulting to your parents? Weren't they devastated?

Then I realized my local American culture again. The emphasis on

individualism, rebellion, following your dreams. I had heard this before,

but I hadn't really felt it until I could see it from a distance.

My culture isn't in the center. It's off on the edge, like one petal in a flower,

like they all are. Not right or wrong - just one of many options.

Yes, the rest of the world can enjoy a good laugh at the stereotypical

American - just now realizing he's not the center of the universe.

I'm just a fish who didn't know he was in water.

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UPDATE: A few people have linked me to this David Foster Wallace speech.

Wow. I don't remember ever reading this, but I must have, long ago. Wild

what our subconscious remembers.

2011 Derek Sivers

comments

1. Melvin Yuan (2011-06-19)#

Great article! Simple, and what some of us feel about Singapore, but really well

articulated. I'm forwarding this to friends right away!

2. Karla Starr(2011-06-19)#

Have you ever read David Foster Wallace's This is Water? Awesome.

Whoa. Wow. I didn't remember this. Weird. Thank you. -- Derek

3. chuz (2011-06-19)#

Now imagine how difficult is to have a different idea or thinking living in your own country

culture

4. Mark Doyon(2011-06-19)#

Well stated, friend. "Context is everything"... and we learn it over and over again. -MD

5. Jack Bennett(2011-06-19)#

Great perspective!

Living in Cambridge, another tow n w here e veryone lives and breathes startups, startups,

STARTUPS!, I found this a valuable reminder t hat not everyone, e verywhere t hinks this

way. And it doesn't make us right or them right or us wrong or t hem w rong.

Also, your t itle reminded me of David Foster Wallace's brilliant essay "This Is Water".

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122178211966454607.html

Thanks for finding the link! Updating the post with this. -- Derek

6. Wells Baum(2011-06-19)#

I feel unsuccessful if I don't create my o wn startup today.

It's not whe re you wen t t o school, it's what you started and shipped.

7. Peter(2011-06-19)#

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refreshing article, I love it.

I am from mainland China, a count ry boy actually.

but I love a bit of uncertainty out of my life. anyway, we are mortal, no one go ing to

secure you out of death. So what can you lose?

8. Daniel(2011-06-19)#

Hey Derek,

Great article! Water in different countries is so different. Of course a lot of actual water is

now owne d by CocaCola and then b ott led and put in plastic and sold to us because...?Here in Australia our cultural water has been diluted by American cultural water (which is a

bit yellow'ish) and denial that water c an in fact heat up (t he oceans)because of human

activity. The water if denial tastes sweet at first but can kill you. On ya

9. Cynthia(2011-06-19)#

A good reminder...easy to t hink that "our w ay" is the only way.

10. Yuanle (2011-06-19)#

Great! T his is how I feel about the air.

11. Kevin Cullis(2011-06-19)#

Derek,

I mentor kids in t he Junior Achievement organization and you'd see about half the hands

go up w hen asked about owning your own business.

Don't just see culture as American versus others, see it in a region, state, tow n, company,

school, church, organization, industry, law, g ende r, age, et c. Unt il I wrote my first book, I

never w ould have taken an interest in typo graphy and book design, now I these issues all

over the place, and even my wife get s in the act.

But h ere's an interesting thought : how about A merican kids living at home and helping

their parents, sort o f combing both cultures. Think of success is not "h aving one s own

stuff" but letting your parents have an easier time after raising you.

Having lived in Europe, it's not unusual to see multiple generations living together by

necessity.

Just a thought or two.

12. Henry Harris(2011-06-19)#

Thanks Derek I needed this message tonight, it makes a good status.

13. Dan Hartal(2011-06-19)#

Aww w, reminds me of th e book 't he litt le prince', then again, w e should all reflect once in

a while and realize that life's time frame is usually 1 step forward and then 2 steps

backwards.

14. David Doig(2011-06-19)#

Derek,

America these days is very much like Singapore. The entrepreneurial spirit which was once

the hallmark of the American dream has been crushed by an educational system which

emphasizes the S tatus Que that rewards winning as opposed t o learning. So yes Derek,

your culture is YOUR CULTURE how ever it is not reflective of the prevalent culture of

American Youth today!

15. Adam Mackintosh(2011-06-19)#

Reminds me of some of our first trips to Spain. It was so great to get to bring friends like

Storm and Nikki to Europe for t he first t ime w ith our music and w atch t hem expe rience itthrough ne w eyes. My favorite quote from those tou rs was "Distance lends perspect ive".

Take care Derek. -AM

16. Wes Roberts(2011-06-19)#

Profound sim licit ...of which we need more within and between cultures. Thank ou

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Derek. Happy swimming!

17. J.J. V icars(2011-06-19)#

A person doe sn't really understand t heir own co untry and culture un til they've lived in a

foreign co untry and have something to contrast it against. Eve ry ex-pat American

understand the quest for pizza.

18. Balach Hussain(2011-06-19)#

It is generally said of Singaporeans that when taking decisions, they tend to thinkof what happens if everything goes w rong, hence the low risk taking, w hile

american culture seems to instill (extreme?) optimism, thinking of the returns if everything

goes right. The government and t he VC culture have prolly reenforced that t hinking in

each count ry.

What is interesting t o me he re is that I have heard plenty of pe ople saying th at the next

generation of Sporeans are more open and ready to take risks; obviously not in line with

your experience there.

19. Thor Holt(2011-06-19)#

Brilliant DS! Great pe rspect ive change r. I lived w ith parent s in law for 9 mon ths aft er a 3

month trip (we'd rented out our own home) I imagined we'd find it tough. The truth

was, it was a brilliant, relaxed, economical 9 months. We still miss it! #accepted #cultural

#norms?

20. MORT WEISS(2011-06-19)#

yeah-ive lived my whole [exce pt t wo years in the army]out of t he box-on the edge. so at

76yrs paying dues-and and having had many laughs and tears and ups and downs etc my

concept of happiness is what ever grooves ya. as long as you do not fuck over anyone

else. some people are dow n w ith white bread-some dig w heat.point be ing-happiness is a

abstract frame of refrence w hen t he que en of e ngland stubs her t oe it hurts her--and

even w ith all her materal toys -shes not happy.keep on spreadin t he go od w ord my man--

best, MORT WEISS

21. Dennis(2011-06-19)#

I feel th at t his is even a locality difference. I am originally from Indianapolis and moved t o

Anderson, whe re there is alot o f talent but low drive to record or go beyond being in a

bar band.

22. Dan Johnson(2011-06-19)#

Always worth reading, Derek. Reminds me of Einstein's line that "Reality is merely

an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." Most of our knowledge is socially-mediated

so even in our learning we are insulated (that's why getting outside our circle is

important). If w e can t ranscend ego, t he self-referential part of us w hich tends tow ard

over-react ion, (ego mania or introversion) w e can honestly listen , learn, overcome fe ar,

and grow. T hanks.

23. Jan Seides(2011-06-19)#

Yes. I realized this when I was trying to explain it to someone, and had a book thrown at

me, back when I was in college, majoring in anthropology.

Made me prett y careful who I talked w ith about it the reafter...

24. Luko Adjaffi(2011-06-19)#

thw only good thing human being living in the us will grab any opprtunity ..not thinking

the end o f it ..a good way of making it..in the unversal world of b usiness

25. Marina Ve renikina(2011-06-19)#

Derek - great writing, as always!

I grew up in Russia, and from what you wrote, I see many similarities betw. Russia and

Singapore in terms of entrepreneurial spirit(or lack thereof) in people.

I came to America whe n I was 15 and prett y much immediately felt t hat American go-

getter attitide was something I've always had in me, yet it never quite bloomed fully until

I came to America. So.... I am a happy fish in my California waters now

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26. Yuanle (2011-06-19)#

Hi,Derek,

Confucius once said which approximately

means if your parents are old you'd better not travel far away from them for a long time.

If you have to you should te ll them w here you're going and when w ill you be back. And

be sure you have arranged all the things for them w hen you're away.

There are many Chinese in Singapore maybe they're doing what Confucius said.

Interesting! I had heard that it's influenced by Confuciucian culture, but I

didn't realize it was this specific. Thank you. -- Derek

27. Bob Weisenberg(2011-06-19)#

Hi, Derek.

Coincidentally, I just wrote the following poem along a similar vein for Elephant Journal, as

an attempt to explain the Bhagavad Gita:

Gita for a Fish.

Bob We isenberg

Yoga Editor

Elephant Journal

28. Stephan Wissel(2011-06-19)#

Looking outside in is one possible stepping stone. Living in SG one has the opportunity to

see many different ideas about culture in act ion ( recommended reading: Culture Shock

Singapore --- and for another reflection on your upbringing: Culture Shock USA - not sure

if there's a California version in that book series), that makes it such a nice place to be.

But t he rift exists not only betw een countries, but also life situations, the most drastic

one having offspring W hile it doesn't need to curb spontaneity, it alters perspective and

sense of dut y (along t he lines of t hat Indian proverb "Once I thought live is duty, but

then I learned the duty was joy"). Despite all the cu ltural differences I found w hat is

driving u s reassuringly similar: longing for autonomy, aspiration of maste ry and quest for

purpose. Luckily these can be expressed in so many ways.

29. Susan(2011-06-19)#

If you don't remember reading that David Foster Wallace essay, you probably didn't. Ihadn't read it, but I'd heard the "fish doesn't know it's in water" thing before 2005.

Nice t houghts, either w ay.

30. Mikal(2011-06-19)#

"Yes, the rest of the world can enjoy a good laugh at t he stereot ypical American - just

now realizing he's not the cent er of th e universe."

I think what you actually experienced here is a culture of motivation vs. one of

demotivation. ie: "Follow your dream" vs. "Screw your dream, do w hat's safe, you're to o

stupid to achieve anything higher." Imagine if Bill Gate s or Steve Jobs was one o f the se

student s you were speaking to.

31. Joe Romeo (2011-06-19)#

Not such a revelation w hen you grow up with migrant p arents.

32. Dan-O | DanoSongs.com(2011-06-19)#

Well I'd say the difference here is that some fish think they are in a fish tank, but

other know they are in the ocean.

33. Tim(2011-06-19)#

Hi Derek...

Loved this post! I can totally relate. I worked as an international travel guide for 9 years,

living in 13 different countries during that time. It's such an amazing and enlightening

thing when you start realizing t hat "our" w ay is just "a" w ay not "t he" w ay. I have t o say

though, it's VERY frustrating when you return back to the water and try to express the

perspective you've learned to the fish back in the water. T hey look at you like a fish w ith

your head cut off.

Thanks for your thoughts!

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34. Dave Harpe(2011-06-19)#

I think about t hings like t his a lot. The re are a lot of subcultures in t he USA , and eve n

they can have t hese kind of differences and misunderstandings betwe en e ach othe r.

Yes! Every country has its own subcultures. Even a little dot like Singapore

has classism and quite different cultures inside of it. -- Derek

35. Penny(2011-06-19)#

Hi Derek, I thought about t his a while back and wrote a fun litt le song called "A nothe r

Fish Story", about not being able t o see what's right in front of you , and did a funny litt le

treatment of my voice and animation of a fish swimming through stars ....

http://www.theawayteam.com/sound/pages/fishy.html

36. Rhonda Taylor(2011-06-19)#

It took a couple of years away...living in Europe before I could see America as just a

nation among a world filled with other equally important and self-sufficient nations.

I think creative t hought s flow in a stream as well...the best one s happen w hen physical

tools become available and creative minds naturally begin to think of new ways to use

them...I t hink this is evolution of th ought and deeds.

My thought s are so ne w...like a revelation...I don't know if I've expressed them properly

in the heat of the moment...I'll have a mull because this is very important on many levels.

37. T Scott Walker(2011-06-19)#

yes, you realize our culture isn't the cent er of the universe but then you must admit t he

land of entrepreneu rs and over-confidence has drivin America to be t he be st and most

advanced country in the world in many areas. Even our current administration as left

thinking as t hey are still emphasize rebellion,fo llow your d reams and individualism,even

tho ugh the individualism is promoted more as a group individualism as in t he o ld commune

style rebelling as a group together hippie days- ah, remember those hippie days? -but the

truth t o the matter is we c an't force or convince other cultures that ours is the best w ay-

we just have t o prove it.(the re's that cocky ove r-confident attitude again-what can I say-

it's in our culturel)

38. Arni (2011-06-19)#

The cultural difference you are describing here is the reason why so many people want to

emigrate t o t he US. Having spent 3 years in t he St ates (the first year as a foreign

exchange stude nt), I fell in love w ith that attitude, realizing t hat t his was what I've always

bee n striving fo r myself.

Nowadays, the re's a lot of bad news about t he US. But then I always try to remember

that great spirit t hat I've found over t here. I hope you guys never let th at die.

39. Martin(2011-06-19)#

Nice and t rue post! One hint though : They live with t heir parents for so long because

under the HDB housing scheme t hey can only apply for a house with t he age of 35 or

whe n th ey marry. Renting a condo w ould be stupid because it is much more expensive.

Singaporeans actually hate this and many young ones dream of leaving the country (!)

only to ge t away from the ir parent s faste r. It is also the reason why so many coup les heremarry at such young ages.

40. James(2011-06-19)#

Thanks, Derek.

For those w ho have parents from different cultures or are growing up in a culture

different from their parents, there is a phrase called "TCK"s or Third Culture Kids. If you

are one, co nsider doing some internet searches on the topic. It co uld help find your niche

in the world of cross-culture experiences.

41. Colleen Eschner (2011-06-19)#

I live in a ve ry multi-cultural area. (I am Canadian born from British de cen t.) Many many

different ethnicities. The Asian families are very oriented to tests, grades, something that

is very succinct, definable. Incredibly hard working with a huge respect for family's and

hono r.(W hich makes sense that as a culture risk taking w ould be very uncomfort able and

foreign to them.) It has its burdens, we have seen many children burn out and become

very sick. How ever, we have also seen much honor. It makes me look at how I raise my

own children and how I behave and see whe re I can learn from other cultures. I could be

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working harder! We are blessed with many Iranians, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, East

Indians, but to name a few, many who were born here or have immigrated. Its amazing

to drive across town to "Little India" and have amazing curry, visits the stores and people,

and on the way home, stop in China town for coconut buns, and we co uld drive dow n

our own main street in our area and stop in the Iranian stores for all the dried fruits and

nuts, fresh fruit and veggies. This is but a few of the blessings of learning, living and

viewing th rough othe rs eyes.

A great reminder Derek, t hanks.

42. Erich Nolan Bertussi Davies(2011-06-19)#

I still would very much tend to encourage peo ple to b e en trepreneurs regardless of globalcultural memes any w here on the face of t his planet.

Simply we need wealth to be better distributed.

this will hopefully be more easily accomplished in the hands of droves of entrepreneurial

activity toward micro subsistence entrepreneurialism on the global scale.

quit your jobs, sell your houses, get rid of your cars and be nomadic entrepreneurs.. don't

feed t he old system bu ild a new one , that is human friendly, one that you take

responsibility for your life instead of handing it over to the mega corps and government..

you digity?

I mean why not ? you only have one glorious kick at t he can.

ENBD..//

43. Mary Ann Rosser(2011-06-19)#

Lovely discovery.

Americans are moving farther away from the nucleus of family and I find that to be sad,

even w asteful. How much bet ter t he dinner table with lots of people laughing and sharing

their joys, sometimes their sorrows, walking down the street instead of passively listening

to a T V, going to the grocery store to find that perfect combination for a shared meal,

always looking out fo r one anot her...always toge the r...some times in body, sometimes in

spirit and kinship.

I used to think moving away, becoming fiercly independent was the ideal. I have co me to

realize as I watch my own children grow up to have their own children, it isn't

independence we need so much as family, unity, to become a piece to the bigger puzzle.

To become...

Ah, but even that is your cultural projection. Someone else could make a

convincing argument that people clustering into family units, instead of

associating with all people equally, is harmful to becoming a piece of the

bigger puzzle. It's all culturally relative. -- Derek

44. Matt Eaton (2011-06-19)#

"Normal"...? "Normal" upbringing? In California...!?! ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha

American confidence is many times mistaken for arrogance.

45. Annie Evans (2011-06-19)#

Amazing what our sub-concious does, isn't it? I am quite bad at direct quotes, but I realize

so much of my past reading and absorbed teaching springs up as original thought to me.

BTW, the link on your post w as hard to find - but Mr. Benne t's (?)Link worked direct ly.

Having been a fish out of water most of my life, Iseem to find it easy to flow in and out of

cultures.

Asian culture in general is built around family, whereas our culture doesn't put a lot of

emphasis on this anymore. Asian families are very cohesive as support system. I often find

is something to be jealouS of: the split living between husband and wife in order to

maximize income; the unconditional support of the childres through everything no matter

how o ld the children are (although the e xpectations can often be harsh). Then how

completely devoted the children are to their elderly parents (the y find nursery orconvalescent homes unimagineable in most cases I know).

Not to mention, divorce is still extremely rare regardless of the happiness od the marriage.

There are still only a few t hat I have met that even t hink of starting the ir own business

despite their extensive education.

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The past cent ury of history in most, if not all, A sian count ries, has been chaotic with

dominant leadership and a lot of followers.

Things are changing, but tradition and the past loom large.

As AmericanS there is much we can con tribute to t heir emergence , at the same time

there is grace, emotional security and unconditional family support system that we can

take noted from.

Thanks Derek,

Annie

PS-writt en on my blackberry, please escuse t ypos, etc.

46. Joanna (2011-06-19)#

Bad analogy, we know w e are in air, don' t w e?

47. Ta'(2011-06-19)#

a friend used to say, "you know what Chinese call Chinese food? they just call it food" his

name is Sunil Sundar if you want to quote him

~

the question of individualism in a culture of collective conformity hits me in a new way

everyday

i spent my w hole life in India feeling a bit like a misfit - and i lived largely inside my ow n

head, it all cam bursting out at at 30 when i realized i needed to live my dreams - dono if

this made sense, thought i'd share it anyway

48. JJ(2011-06-19)#

Is it all culturally relative? Would you say that to someone who thinks female circumcision is

a bad thing? Spending the last t en years out of my ow n culture has, of course, made me

think about t he po ints you make here almost constantly. But even after a decade I find it

to be the most difficult question. In the case of some cultural practices, I think value

judgements can be made. Sometimes though, it's just "to each his own." Figuring out

which is which is easily the most difficult thing I have encountered - maybe in life!

Glad you brought t hat up. See this TED talk by Sam Harris about the science

of morality. Brilliant. -- Derek

49. debi oulu(2011-06-19)#

amazing revelation at the age of ???. Sorry to sound so sarcastic, but it never ceases to

amaze me how Americans seem to think the world circles around th em. If you cant travel

and meet other c ultures, try reading books. I gue ss the old saying is true tho ugh...

"bett er late than never" p.s. Don't forget to breath.

(Your site says you are also an American who recently moved to Israel.) No

need to be like an ex-smoker. Just because you changed before someone

else doesn't mean you need to be vicious to those who haven't. -- Derek

50. Colleen Eschner (2011-06-19)#

My 17 yr. old who just commenced last night sat down b eside me and glance d and saw

the task bar butt on and saw "fish don't know" and w as able to recite exact ly the story.

She hadn't seen your blog, only that. Hmmmm . . . she had just re-listene d to the whole

speech the other day. Living a life of compassion she said, imagining people complexly and

understanding t hat every pe rson is a person. T hen t he fe llow committed suicide. So sad.

We have much t o learn from our youth, o r at least I do!

51. zack (2011-06-19)#

a bunch of gu tless student s. if i were in that c lass, i'd be t he ot her dude w ho w ould raise

his hand wanting to start a company, unreluctantly. maybe i have that american

entrepreneurship spirit in me? by the way i'm singaporean.

52. Charles Lau(2011-06-19)#

Fantastic article! This is exactly what's happening in Singapore today. And if you are the

only one showing your hand, you will be stared by t he many eyes around you as though

you are an alien from some planet outside...

Over in Singapore, it is a standard that there is almost no questions when you ask them in

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a class... But w hen t he c lass is over, you w ill start t o see t hem crow ding you t o ask you

questions...

I think you can try th is: Whe n the speech is over, you can just have a conc lusion and

"close" the speech. Automatically, people will start asking you questions... Only then you

will go ahead and ope n up t his "Any que stions" section... (Bet ter coordinate with t he

event organiser about this first.)

53. Rachit Dayal(2011-06-19)#

I think the government is trying to fight t he c ulture hard - as an ent repreneur, I'm always

amazed by the number of tax breaks, bonuses etc t hat new businesses get. For that,Singapore is a great place for ent repreneurs to be based.

But on the othe r hand, I also feel the pain of this culture you've noticed - since so few

people want to start businesses, nobody w ants startup e xperience. Which means,

startups have an impossibly hard time retaining talent. Singaporeans would almost always

choose a bank over an exciting startup. No Singaporeans want to work on startup salaries,

foreigners don't get their visas approved and new companies can't grow .

54. Mike lune(2011-06-19)#

that's why most of th e successful entrepreneu rs are from US, that's not with Singapore,

you know the whole of Asia is like that, it is their nature, they are reluctant in doing any

investment, they would rather like t o serve someone the n having t heir own wo rk..

55. JJ(2011-06-20)#

I've seen that video before. But I have to say that I wish Harris would spend more time

reading moral philosophy, b ecause his premise is so obviously shaky (ie: Human flourishing is

a given? W hy? That's a strong human feeling, but it doesn't h ave a rational foundation).

In fact, Harris's over-confident and under-informed stab at it (sad that many get so

famous without doing their homework) reinforces for me how difficult t he question is.

56. Falling Awake (2011-06-20)#

Just think about how we will all feel when Full Disclosure occures and the world must

admit t hat w e w ere ne ver alone in t he un iverse? Youtube ... "FallingAw ake1000"

57. JJ(2011-06-20)#

Here's the article t hat, I think, deals with the subject w ith the most honesty. There are

still heaps of problems, but at least it's honest:

http://www.philosophynow.org/issue80/An_Amoral_Manifesto_Part_I

58. HT (2011-06-20)#

When the timing is right, I think it all happens naturally.

A lot of peo ple start t heir own business when t hey are in 30s or 40s.

Having a security and a lot of cash, working in a corporate environment is never a badthing.

59. Simon Oelmann (2011-06-20)#

Despite the wealth of information at our disposal through the internet, I think it is fair to

say the vast majority of "fish" will never get that opportunity t o look in from the ot her

side of t he fishbowl. As a Brit, it ne ver ceases to amaze me, even now, the number of

Americans who still do not own a passport.

Also a lot depends on the field someone is working in. Coming from a family/network of

predominantly bankers/sto ckbroke rs, a supposed ly highly regulated sect or, despite t hem all

being very high earners very few seem to even co ntemplate striking out on the ir own. For

tho se in retail, it is more of a natural progression.

Agreed. But you can get out of the water even inside your own country.

Someone from New York City could move to rural Alabama. Someone who

grew up on a farm could get a job at a bank. Almost as much diversity of

culture inside any country. -- Derek

60. Anna Prince(2011-06-20)#

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68. Alex Roberts(2011-06-20)#

Derek you nailed it with this short but directly to the point article. I was raised in LA and

now living in Europe running a business, consistently challenged with what I believe are

no-brainer dec isions that people here are shocked we would even consider such a

direction, much also apply's to our daily lives.

By no means are we always right, just very very different, w e like to make it happen !

Best

69. Race Know er (2011-06-20)#

Thanks very much Derek for opening a d oor to percept ion and to an important realisation.

70. J. White (2011-06-20)#

Derek, th is is a really nice overall analogy of us humans dwe lling in a state of not realizing

the higher scheme of things. A bit same than being in sleep while dreaming, versus lucid

dreaming... and if you go mainstream, Neo inside the Matrix. Check out Franklin Merrell-

Wolff's book "Pathways Through To Space" if you get an urge t o get more metaphysical.

Bes regards from Finland.

71. Colleen LaRose(2011-06-20)#

So, I have starte d w earing my hair curly. This is my natu ral hair...and I have hated itall my life...and spent countless hours fighting it. Ironing it, straightening it, blow

drying it, tort uring my head and my heart t hat somehow, this mop I was born with w as

inadequate. My mother, (who was my best friend and advocate..and ofte n the one

helping me try to tame my locks) used to say to me about my curls, "well, ok, let's do it

(whate ver the ne w and improved w ay I had come up w ith to smooth my hair)...but t his

(the curly head) is the w ay God thinks you look best. I hated whe n she w ould say

that...because (in my immature and still forming opinion of the world) it is not what "the

boys" liked. I can remember being as young as 3 years old...sitting in the hairdressers big

chair say I wante d "flip" (t he straight poof t hat Marlo T homas used t o w ear in "T hat

Girl").... My curls would not accommodate a "flip".... and so t hey w ould just get chopped

off for ease of maintenance and management, until I was old eno ugh t o do my own hair

care...which is when all of th e straighten ing be gan...at about age 14. So he re I am at

49...and now just too damned busy for hair care...so about th ree we eks ago, I took a

whole cup of fixating gel one day and poured it ont o my head one day out of frustration

when I was running late for a meeting (and my hair was looking very "bozo the clown")....

Wallah.... Wash and go hair (with gel). Who knew? It looks a lot better than it did beingstraightened. All those hours of wasted time.... All of those feelings of inadequacy. All of

that pain of over heating my head! This is how God thinks I look best. It is sad...and ironic

that Mr. Wallace committed suicide whe n he was conscious of the need to grow out side

of our day to day tribulations. The nee d to ge t out of our own he adand discover our

place in the world. If I had died at age 46 (David Foster Wallace and I were only 5 days

apart in age) ...I would have never come to love my natural curly hair. I would never have

come t o t he po int whe re I am now...losing my home to foreclosure...wh ile simultaneously

trying to find meaning for my life...my life's mission...by starting these women uniting

efforts such as Pink Link Pages. Life is exhilarating and scary at the same time. Choosing

our thought s is determined greatly not only by our culture, but by our circumstance. Am I

afraid of being eaten, or if I will have food to eat? Am I afraid of not being attractive to

others...and being lonely? Am I afraid I w ill not be remembered.. .or have matte red? W hat

are the driving forces of my existence beyond my breath? Being married 27 years helped

quell my fears of lonliness..so I could grow to try the curly hair at some point.... What will

losing my home and life's savings do to me this fall? I am not sure.... but I will live through

it. I refuse t o live in fear of my destiny..whateve r that is..any longe r. My life's mission, Inow know, is to un ite and empowe r women. If you are so lucky as to discover your

mission in life...all of those fears go away. You rise to your potential and your grace by

being the way God th inks you look best.

72. Alex JT(2011-06-20)#

Excellent point. This is exactly why I so love cultures that inherently differ from my own

this Americanised we stern capitalist culture... and w hy I grow so weary of my ow n

culture.

Slowly, I am learning Japanese. For reasons perhaps best explained by your article, Derek,

I'm besotted with Japanese culture, society and even its films. I fell in love with the great

works of Studio Ghibli and the rest is a predictable descent into cultural romanticising.

In a way, I am the reverse of the gist of your article. I have had a lifelong sensation ofbeing a fish outside the wate r, an observant "out sider" e ven t hrough my childhood

and I am more comfo rted as a result w ithin a milieu t hat is so different t o plain old water.

Maybe it's just a gene ral fascination with t he "e xotic", but that's just me...

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73. Hamid(2011-06-20)#

Great article, T here is a huge gap be tw een A merican and Asian culture. W ho know s

which one is better?

74. Marc Rubinstein(2011-06-20)#

Whe n I was teaching Stage Lighting at SUNY New Paltz we u sed to have a tw o-week t rip

over the Christmas holidays called London Theatre Experience. Each year w e'd take about

tw enty student s over to see t ons of plays and learn about English theatre. We teamed

with a couple of professors at London University and give a few classes during the days.

The first one was always, "Just Because The y Speak English Does Not Mean You A re NOT

In A Foreign Country." Always a great culture shock for them.

75. Fred Gosbee(2011-06-20)#

20 years ago there was a book, "The Nine Nations of North America"Joel Garreau. In it,

Garreau suggests that North America can be divided into nine regions, or "nations", which

have distinctive economic and cultural features. Some of the cultural divides he described

are as profound as the California /Singapore differences. These cultural "nations" shift and

change over time so the idea has been revisited by Colin Woodard with a book coming out

this October - "American Nations: A History of the Eleven Rival

Regional Cultures of North America"

One of the passages in the older book describes the difference in attitude about w ork in

northern New England vs t he mid-Atlantic region. In Maine, Vermont, New Hampshire t he

cultural "truth" is that striving to own your own business is a commendable thing. In

Maryland, Delaware it's "You work for yourself? Can't you find a REAL job?"

It will be interesting to see what Woodard's take on the cultural regions is. His book on

Maine lobster fishermen's culture as a direct descendant of Northern Irish culture (and

therefore a cousin to Appalachian mountain culture) is fascinating

76. ayoonis(2011-06-20)#

What an awesome story. This is how life is generally, you have a lot of nice friends around

you that you d on't e ven realize they are there bu t once they are no more, you'll

appreciate the m the bet ter.

77. Jim Charlton (2011-06-20)#

" Fish don't know they're in wate r " is the same as wet birds don't fly at

night. .....we re all fish or wet birds, eithe r or, its inesacpable & conclusive.

78. Fundamentales(2011-06-20)#

Great post!

It's amazing how different people around the world think.

I just fe el the same whenever I move from a country to anot her, even in different parts

from the same count ry.

79. Charlotta Larsen (2011-06-20)#

Wow! Thank you for sharing this one. I will aim to sneak this one in to some kind of

conversation or discussion today! Worth to think about. Have a great day!

80. Andrew J Titcombe(2011-06-20)#

Derek, Greetings as always from the UK! YOU have many gifts and talents AND one

of the m is get people talking about your chosen subject

Everyone cont ribute s to the ir community in some way or other whe ther th ey have

travelled or not. Howeve r I think that w e should all try and travel beyond our comfort

zone - whether that is in actual miles or simply in experience. Despite being in an internet

age so may people have closed their minds to the infinite possibilities of a full life on this

planet

Thanks for your challenges to us

81. Khabza(2011-06-20)#

I never read such inspiring article in my life. Can you allow me to write a South African

Version based on this one. You are so brilliant. Thank you for sharing this. as Blogger I got

something for the day. How can w e change culture to match the current living situations.

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Thanks! Of course. Anything on my site here is free for you to copy, reprint,

change, embellish, etc. Go for it. -- Derek

82. Jerry Van Baren (2011-06-20)#

Probably the most remarkable case of subconscious plagiarism (not that I'm accusing

anyone of plagiarism ;-) is George Harrison vs Ronald Mack with the songs "My Sweet Lord"

/ "He's So Fine".

http://abbeyrd.best.vwh.net/mysweet.htm

83. Wolfgang Ehrlich(2011-06-20)#

Hi and a big smile !

From one fish to anot her...

84. Gary McCallister (2011-06-20)#

Implied: there are no universal truths. But there are! The trick is to recognize local culture

from universal truth.

85. fortune t eller(2011-06-20)#

Think of how different the world would look without risk-takers and pe ople acting "over

confident." Thank God we have bright, creative, risk takers in the World! I like electricity,

running water, and flying to other coun tries.

86. Steve Hill(2011-06-20)#

This article needs to be shared with a hell of a lot of American people. I know in my heart

that we are not the only ones in the world who forget that our culture is not the center

of the universe, but it seems that we have a lot o f folks who be lieve t hat our culture

SHOULD be t he ce nter of t he universe, not just for us, but for everyone e lse as well.

We're not alone in t his attitude either, but it is one o f the main t hings that will continue

to create problems in the world. "Live and let live," and "Mind your own business," are

tw o th ings that many people in the world today just seem t o have problems with.

87. Stu Who?(2011-06-20)#

Excellent piece, Derek.

Your story illustrated beautifully how culturally myopic we can be if we do not open our

eyes to the merits and intracacies of each ot her's experience

Beautifully illuminating

Sad to see, how ever, just how many comments on t he article t otally miss the point ...

especially th ose of the "our count ry/ culture is best" variety

There is no "best" ... it's all relative ... which, surely, was the very point of the story

Stu

Yes, thank you for catching that. But whenever the point is missed, I take

full responsibility. The #1 challenge in writing is not being understood. It's

to not be misunderstood. So I must have failed a bit, here. -- Derek

88. Michael Tomlinson(2011-06-20)#

Thank you, Derek. I read your message and got to t hinking about how the US has such a

short history and how we were all into "startups" from the beginning. Not many other

count ries have recent records of "starting up" to wns and cities, even states. Othe r than

the novelty of it, I have mostly not been as surprised by cu ltural differences, count ry to

coun try, as I have be en by how are laught er, our facial expre ssions and act ions are so

much the same all over the world. I still am surprised to see someone from around the

world and recognize an expression that I know so well on American's faces. It's heartening

to me and makes me feel that on a human level we have much in common.

89. Chris Frank(2011-06-20)#

This article is insightful on its own, but it's also a wonderful illustration of the way two

minds will develop distinct ideas from the same starting place.

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Go read the DFW piece, if you haven't already. It is heartbreaking and beautiful.

Then read Derek's piece again, and think about ho w different t hey are. The y start with

the same story about fish, sure, but they diverge quickly. Not completely, but enough

that they're both worth thinking about for longer than a Tweet.

Neat!

I feel like an idiot f or being afraid, as a songw riter, of accident ally stealing someone 's

phrase. Isn't th is exactly what we 're supposed to do ? Start w ith a phrase most people are

familiar with and develop it into something unique and interesting?

Thanks for keeping t he whe els spinning, Derek.

90. Tania R Guimaraes (2011-06-20)#

Perhaps one then can't see that most business in USA fail, I mean small or medium size

business, and that the rugged individualism and premature family separations does not

provide real sense of confidence and security. Unfortunately to the outsiders Americans do

not really seem confident about w hat the y know.

91. Bill Serfass(2011-06-20)#

Interesting read. With two kids chomping at the bit to get out of the house and their

parents wanting them to get o ut of t he house and enjoy life on t heir own...hmmm I

wonde r what it w ould be like to keep t hem at home and 'enjoy' their lives while trying to

accommodate t he different lifestyles th at come into play. They're just revving up andwe're just simmering do wn!

Cheers.

92. Dan Gabree (2011-06-20)#

Always amazing w hen we recognize t he o bvious. Thanks.

93. Richard Lupien(2011-06-20)#

Hi Derek...to me, music and musical exploration is a good way of getting "out of the

water" and seeing/looking behond one's own fishbowl!!...cultural values and musical

heritage be eing the w ater and whe re we live or our mindset beeing the bowl!!...listening

to and learning music from other countries helps to expand one's vision of the

world!!...you know , "World Without Frontiers" type of t hing!!...Music is also a good way t ocommunicate with others because it is a universal language and "blues" is certainly one of

the best e xamples of t hat!!...as you may know , blues was born in Africa (has was

mandkind for that matter!!)...it's no wonder afro-americans played the blues and blues is

such a universal language!!...also, music has always been at the forfront of cultural

evolution...now adays "World Music" expresses that need for humanity to unite(probably a

reflex for survival!!) and teaching to or learning from others is what makes humans

different from the rest of the animal kingdom!...that beeing said, let's all go out for a

good swim!!...Richard

94. Bruce Chenoweth(2011-06-20)#

Reminds me of a story a friend t old about th e cu lture h e expe rienced while in th e

Peace Corps. When the people needed to blow their nose, they put a finger on

one side and skillfully projected the cont ents of t he ot her nostril out onto the ground,

then repeated w ith the ot her nostril. He tried th at once, b ut ended up w ith it all over his

face, so he w ent back to his handkerchief.

He said that the locals would always be very surprised when he blew his nose that way. It

finally occurred t o him that the reason t he locals thought that w as so odd w as they could

not imagine w hy anyone w ould want t o save it.

I guess what you know dictates how you blow ...

95. Sabari Nath (2011-06-20)#

Amazingly simple explanation of a bigger issue, I get pissed of by my colleague when he

asks oft en. ..do you know Mr.Sure sh ...he is from India! ...my good friend canno t

comprehend the fact that there is a billion people in India and it is not possible to know all

of them....

96. Misha (2011-06-20)#

... hence international travel should be made part of high school or college curriculum. This

way w e may have few er expensive wars when generals fight to force "eagles" to swim in

the water and are mightily surprised w hen t hey refuse.

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97. Adriennne Kirkey(2011-06-20)#

I didn't read all the comments, so someone may have already mentioned this - your "little"

article (great points, BTW - and FABulous illustration of EXACTLY what DFW [below] was

stating about cent ricity [avoiding use of "ego" in front of th at, ha-ha]) catapulted me into

a short hunt for info on David Foster Wallace, after I followed your link to the WSJ reprint

of his 2005 commence ment speech. Long story short (too late now , I guess), since he

majored in philosophy, my guess is he happened upon t he "what is water?" parable there.

One more example of universal illustrations (Bill Cosby's "Why Is There Air?" comes to

mind) that will continue to resurface, translated into generational terms. Greek or Roman

myth, Biblical story, Grimm's Fairy Tale, Kindle E-book, Derek or David's WSJ co lumn

retrievable on the internet. Now , I hear we have a ne w-fangled "Cloud"???

98. David Barr (2011-06-20)#

Derek, thoughtful as always. E. M. Cioran carried these issues a little further: " For a mind

matters only to the degree t hat it dece ives itself as to w hat it wants, w hat it loves, or

what it hates; being several, it cannot choose itself. A pessimism without raptures, an

agitator of hopes w ithout bitt erness, de serves only scorn. Only the man who has no

regard for his past, or propriety, logic or consideration is worthy of our attachment: how

can we love a conqueror if he fails to plunge into events with a suspicion of failure, or a

thinker if he has not conquered his instinct for self-preservation? Man fallen back on his

futility is no longer concerned with the desire to have a life".

99. Bruno Pinaud(2011-06-20)#

"If someone ever discove red wat er, it was certainly not a fish."Charles Darwin, defend ing the distance t o investigate his subjec ts. Way before Mr Foster. I

think it is in everyones subconscience. Great you are sensible enought to bring t hat up.

100. Larry A. Russell(2011-06-20)#

A verse by Ogden Nash:

Some fish are long,

And some are round,

They don't get wet,

They don't get drowned,

But every fish wife fears for her fish,

What we call Mermaids,

But she c alls Merfish.

Used in my NBC-TV special "A Carnival of the Animals." Music by Camille Saint-Saens. Wo rdsby Ogden Nash. Narrated by Noel Coward. Percy Faith Orchestra.

Documentary Series "Portrait" Produced and Directed b y yours truly. Any book by Ogde n

Nash is most highly recommended. "A Carnival of the Animals" is sheer delight! Larry A.

Russell, CEO Eroica Classical Recordings

101. Abuzer(2011-06-20)#

Love your t houghts.. it is really so true and it does make us wonder that earth is such a

beautiful place with so many differences and still we're all one!

102. Carroll Jenkins (2011-06-20)#

Very good food for thought. Thanks

103. Jackie Henrion(2011-06-20)#

Good discussion, Derek!

Philosophy is as important as science. When I studied psych in college many eons ago, it

fascinated me that standing in a forest observing something was comically different than

someone's observation standing just inches away, by virtue of trees. As for science, we

are like ants t rying t o unde rstand a combustion engine. A t w orst arrogant, at best

unaware.

104. Jayaram (2011-06-20)#

I remember something that I read a long time ago in a book. It says "The West always

wanted to be opposite to the East. They drive on the left, they leave their parents and

don't take of them, and this one is funny, t hey have c omic he ro's like

batman/superman/spiderman whatever w ho w ears the pant first and the n the

underwe ar! why do t hey want to be just opposite instead they learned everything from

the east!"

I forgot what book it is but the comic hero part made me laugh.

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but c oming back to whe re we are, After learning t he cultural differences, did you just

have a thought or are you t rying t o stop be ing an entrepreneur and wo rk in a corporate

environment and make your family happy ?

105. Debra Russell(2011-06-20)#

Yes our context is almost always unconscious - until we decide to make it

conscious. Many people come t o me and t ell me how to c hange th eir minds, how

to change t heir behavior, how to c hange th eir habits.

All of these things are determined by our unconscious, invisible context - which are made

up of all the be liefs/expect ations/assumptions we 've t aken on from our cu lture, ourparents, our history, our peers. You can look at c ulture and of cou rse t hat's a big part o f

it. But Ghandi said, "Be th e change you w ant to see in the world." So, I work on the

individual level.

The first step is to get conscious and to be intentional with your cont ext. E very morning I

set my conscious intent ional context for the d ay. I often tw eet it (@artistsedge).

This morning my context is "I value my word to myself as to others" - I'm working on

creating new habits and re-instituting old ones t hat w orked in the past but got d ropped

because of my significant change in circumstances.

What's your context for today?

106. John Francis Barry (2011-06-20)#

Thank you for such a beautiful and insightful article.

107. Maggie McKaig(2011-06-20)#

It's always bee n about water, and our relationship to it. We could/can/and w ill likely

do w ithout oil/petroleum based products. Can't do w ithout w ater. Always good to

know what kind you're swimming in.

108. Robert Lazaneo(2011-06-20)#

This is really true. We carry our local culture with us constantly assuming that, the world

thinks the same way as us. Even in different parts of t his count ry, t he differences can be

vast. Its good to ge t a reality check from time to t ime tho ugh, kee ps you from gett ing

too complacent.

109. Ace Andres(2011-06-20)#

They strive for security. We strive for Freedom. There lies the difference. (Read Ben

Franklin to discover the difference)

110. Sally (2011-06-20)#

As someone who has traveled quite a lot on business, this really resonated with me.

Thanks for the awesome representation of this truth. Americans, especially struggle w ith

this. Europeans for instance have far more exposure to various languages and cultures

than Americans do. We are somewhat sheltered and naive.

111. Aaron Yoshitake (2011-06-20)#

I love how reading your posts are like "eating chips, not an elephant," as you put it on

your "how t o hire" post.

I just listene d t o your interview with Ramit for the seventh-or-so t ime, and it oc curred to

me th at it'd be much easier to -listen_ to your blog archive than t o read it. Is there any

audio version of t hese or othe r thought s of yours?

Your thoughts? Please leave a reply:

name

email (kept private! never shared.)

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