parents of murdered children, inc. - pomc · johnson of church of god, pastor bertha murillo of...
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Parents Of Murdered Children, Inc. VALLEY OF THE SUN CHAPTER
F “For the Families & Friends of those who have died by violence”
19620 North 38th Avenue, Glendale AZ 85308-2215
Chapter Phone: (602) 254-8818 Chapter E-mail: [email protected]
* National Organization of Parents Of Murdered Children, Inc. (POMC)
4960 Ridge Ave. Suite 2, Cincinnati, OH, 45209 (513) 721-5683 Fax: (513) 345-4489
Toll Free Number (888) 818-7662
http://www.pomc.com/phoenix/index.html Volume 25: No. 8 August 2016 https://www.facebook.com/pages/POMC-Valley-of-the-Sun/
MONTHLY SUPPORT MEETING
LOCATIONS 4
th Tuesday - Grief Support Meetings
All Meetings Start at 7:00 PM
◄EAST VALLEY MEETING►
Tuesday, August 23 7:00 PM
Mountain View Lutheran Church
11002 S. 48th
Street, Phoenix AZ
Room #8
(1/2 mile West of I-10 at 48th
Street & Elliot)
Facilitator: Claudia Marco
480-290-3908
◄WEST VALLEY MEETING►
Temporarily Closed
◄CENTRAL VALLEY MEETING►
Tuesday, August 23 7:00 PM
Mountain View Police Precinct
Community Room
2075 East Maryland, Phoenix AZ
Facilitator: Beckie Miller
Co-Facilitator: Carolee Holbrook
623-582-2406
◄SPANISH SPEAKING MEETING►
Tuesday, August 23 7:00 PM
Queen of Peace Church
30 West 1st Street Room St. John 7
Mesa, AZ 85201
Facilitators: Sandy & Paulino Navarro
480-695-4789
◄◄SPEAKER/INFORMATION►►
MEETING (2nd Tuesday of each month)
Tuesday, August 9, 7:00 PM
*** Mountain View Police Precinct
Community Room 2075 East Maryland, Phoenix AZ
(off AZ 51 at 20th Street between Glendale
Avenue and Bethany Home Road -
Across from Granada Park)
***Our meeting this month will feature a
religious panel who will address “How to find
or keep faith after the murder of a loved
one.” Our panel will consist of Dr. Paul
Johnson of Church of God, Pastor Bertha
Murillo of Queen of Peace Prayer Group,
Reverend James Preston of Bethesda Baptist,
and Rabbi Tracee Rosen of Temple Solel.
NEWSLETTER EDITOR
Mail Memorial Page items for “The Journey” by
the 10th
of the month prior to publication month to:
POMC Newsletter
19620 North 38th Ave Glendale AZ 85308-2215
*Please use order form on Page 11
You can also email items to [email protected]
Be sure to place any article or picture in an
attachment, otherwise it can’t be accessed
properly (especially pictures) and may not be
used. Also, be sure to put POMC Newsletter in
the subject line of the email.
CRIME VICTIMS LEGAL ASSISTANCE
PROJECT
Free legal aid to help assert victims' rights
through Arizona Voice for Crime Victims @
(480) 600-2661, P.O. Box 12722, Scottsdale,
AZ 85261 or contact Mary Wallace at
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Marylena Ballard Lewark
August 1993
Sara Donaldson
August 2008
Eric Clements
August 1, 2003
Lorenzo Jimenez, Jr.
August 1, 2006
Jan Houldek
August 2, 2002
Joe & Elaine Tannehill
August 4, 1995
Fiona Yu
August 4, 1997
David Blackwell
August 4, 1999
Thomas Ronald Garrett
August 5, 1995
Waylon Walsh
August 5, 2003
Gabriel Claywell
August 5, 2007
John Louis Call
August 5, 2010
Lonny Gordell
August 6, 1986
Bruce Steven Blanton
August 6, 1992
Jeremy Hughes
August 6, 2001
Chris Marshall
August 7, 1991
Stephanie Dupee
August 8, 1995
Jose Jesus Arampula
August 8, 1998
Joe Lucero
August 8, 2008
William Douglas Pickering
August 9, 1980
Ricky Barba
August 9, 1996
Joshua Brewer
August 9, 1997
Gordon Dywan
August 9, 2005
Sheri Lee Martin
August 12, 1971
Jacob Paul
August 12, 2011
Silvio Alessi
August 12, 2015
Eric Kane
August 13, 1986
Steve Acejo
August 13, 1995
Albert Chavez
August 13, 2011
Cory Lynn Cook
August 14, 1995
Javier Pereida
August 16, 2011
Jim Reed
August 16, 1985
Dana Wells
August 16, 1996
Kerry & George Hild
August 16, 1997
Megan June Moline
August 16, 2011
Jose Louis Gonzales
August 17, 1980
Steve Metel
August 18, 2011
Joshua Irwin Carter
August 19, 2001
Lorenzo Aguilar
August 19, 2012
Chad Campbell
August 19, 2008
Joshua Deem
August 20, 1995
Courtney Lynn Bowser
October 20, 2003
Lisa Grondin
August 20, 2009
Wayne Southerland
August 21, 1995
Michael Adam Hampson
August 21, 2004
Raymond Paul Majors, Jr.
August 21, 2013
Todd Michael Strickland
August 22, 1993
Michael Jencsok
August 22, 2006
“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal. Love leaves a memory no one can steal.”
3
Continued. . . .
Shane Guedes
August 22, 2006
Anthony Maplethorpe
August 22, 2007
Sophia Zamora
August 22, 2012
Raina Campos
August 23, 1994
Robert A. Medina
August 23, 2003
Anthony Spangler
August 23, 2005
Brad Eaton
August 23, 2006
Kim Briese
August 24, 2003
Antonio Rodriguez & Danielle
August 25, 1995
Jonathon Jose Corbelo
August 25, 1999
Tiffany Lien
August 25, 2005
Don Stanciel
August 25, 2005
Abigail Minor
August 26, 2005
Kelly Lynn Cooper
August 27, 1984
Bobi Lynn Riley
August 27, 1986
Jeffrey K. Martin
August 27, 1997
Tammbra Lynn Timko
August 27, 2003
William “Billy” Mosher
August 28, 2004
Tiffany Jo Lien
August 28, 2005
Robert Nathaniel Kirk
August 28, 2006
Aaron Tierno
August 28, 2008
Christopher Michael Chavez
August 28, 2011
Robert Henry Burdette III
August 28, 2015
Jeff Martin
August 29, 1997
Bradford Wallen
August 29, 1997
Joshua J. Eberle-Martinson
August 29, 2004
Jesus “Blake” Salazar
August 29, 2004
Christopher Corona
August 29, 2012
Shannon Leshin
August 29, 2014
Shannon Jean Parker
August 29, 2014
Brian Hansen
August 30, 1996
Eddie McQuown
August 30, 1998
Greg Blevins
August 31, 1993
Cheryl O’Malley
August 31, 1996
Melissa Wright &
Chris Lance Foote
August 31, 1997
Gayland Jones
August 31, 1998
Ben Perkins-Link
August 31, 2007
Ryan Beal
August 31, 2013
Every effort is made to ensure accuracy
on these pages. Please notify us
immediately with any errors or changes.
4
VALLEY OF THE SUN CHAPTER NEWS
TRIAL, JUDICIAL & ARREST UPDATES
The killer of Alex Tamborski, son of Lisa & Dennis Bishop, pled guilty to killing two people in May. He was
sentenced in June to two life sentences.
“Our hearts, thoughts and prayers are with each and every family member as they endure this difficult
process.”
IN LOVING MEMORY GIFT DONATIONS (THANK YOU!) (*All donations are tax deductible: Our chapter exists on the generosity of others, grants, and fundraisers)
♥ Sandy & Paulino Navarro in very loving memory of their son, Michael Garcia.
♥ Don & Beckie Miller in very loving memory of their son, Brian Ray Miller.
♥ Carolee Holbrook in very loving memory of her son, Brett Holbrook.
♥ Joyce Lefler in very loving memory of her son, Adam Clark.
♥ Robin Grass in memory of our fallen police officers here in Arizona and our nation.
CORPORATE & OTHER DONATIONS THANK YOU! UNITED WAY (Please Note: the write-in number to designate funds to our chapter through your employee
contributions is 0772). You must use this number for designating any funds to go to our chapter. Our chapter
name is not listed except by number.
Through United Way Donations: Christine Busch in very loving memory of her son, Erik and Melissa G.
Mersch in very loving memory of her son, Matthew. Also an anonymous donation through Salt River Project
employee and anonymous donations from City of Phoenix employees.
AMERICAN EXPRESS - donations from Norma Yanez, anonymous, and Lindison Y. Webb in honor of
Del Edward Webb, and Tara E. Williams in memory of her brother Kirk Best and mom, Sally Whitney. Julia
Wright also donated to our chapter.
MESA UNITED WAY (City of Mesa)
***Also, thank you to all who added us to the Fry’s Community Rewards on their VIP cards. Everything
helps us to raise the necessary funds to continue our programs and services.
COLD CASE REGISTRY FOR HOMICIDES (PHOENIX POLICE DEPARTMENT)
The Phoenix Police Department has a Cold Case Registry on line. The link is
http://phoenix.gov/police/investigations/coldcase/index.html.
COLD CASE REGISTRY FOR HOMICIDES MCSO (SHERIFF'S OFFICE)
The Maricopa County Sheriff's Office has a cold case registry for any victim, victim's family member, or other
lawful representative of a victim of a cold case who requests to be included in the registry. This process
provides law enforcement with an avenue to contact family when there are new developments in the case.
In order to submit a request, please contact the MCSO Homicide Unit. Telephone: 602-876-1087. E-mail:
SPEAKER INFORMATION MEETING ON AZ Department of Corrections Victim Services
Our meeting this month featured Jan Upchurch, Administrator of Victim Services at the Arizona Department of
Corrections, a position she has held for 7 years. Jan began her journey as a crime victim when her first
husband, a DPS officer, was killed by a drunk driver. She was involved with MADD for many years.
She stressed to our members how important it is to opt in to the DOC after your sentencing so that you will
receive notice of any early releases, parole or clemency hearings, the inmate dying in prison etc. Also, you
need to remember if you move or change phone numbers to keep those updated with DOC.
Jan also mentioned you should always let them know that restitution was ordered because those records do not
always follow with the inmate so contact her office and check on this issue as well. Restitution monies can be
deducted from funds the inmates receive while working in prison and some from the personal money put in
their accounts by family and friends.
There is a DOC inmate data base with information about the prisoners, including release dates but she cautioned
those are not always correct so don’t freak out just call to make sure what the correct dates are.
Post-conviction victims’ rights are:
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•To be treated with fairness, respect and dignity and be free from intimidation, harassment, or abuse
throughout the criminal justice system.
•To be informed, upon request, when the accused or convicted person is released from custody, has escaped
or died.
•To be present at, and, upon request, be informed of all criminal proceedings where the defendant has the
right to be present.
•To receive prompt restitution from the person or persons convicted of the criminal conduct that caused the
victim’s loss or injury.
•To be heard at any proceeding when any post-conviction release from confinement is being considered.
•Upon request of the victim, the agency shall provide a copy of the Terms and Conditions of release.
Contact info for the DOC Victim Services is: [email protected] or 602-542-1853
www.azcorrections.gov
►CONGRATULATIONS TO NATIONAL POMC LISA HULLINGER AWARD WINNER◄
Our own Sue Osolin is one of this year’s National POMC award winners. She was presented the “Lisa
Hullinger” award that is named after the daughter of our organization’s founders at our National Conference in
Orlando, Florida, in July. Sue served on our chapter’s board of directors from January 2000 to 2014. During
that time, she served as a meeting facilitator, parole block coordinator and as co-leader. Sue dedicated many
years to helping survivors through the aftermath of murder and assisting Beckie with the many duties of running
the chapter. Congratulations Sue! Thank you for all your work, dedication and compassion for survivors.
FRY'S COMMUNITY REWARDS PROGRAM FUNDRAISER FOR OUR CHAPTER
Our chapter is now a part of the Fry's Community Rewards program. If you shop there, you can simply sign up
(one time only) to connect your VIP card and we will get a percentage of proceeds. Just go to
http://www.frysfood.com, select Register, under Sign In information, enter your email and create a password.
Select User Card # and enter your Fry's VIP number, last name and zip code. Under Select Your Preferred
Store, enter zip code of that store. Select Find Your Store then select Create Account. You will be prompted to
confirm your email. Click the hyperlink to finish creating your Online Account. If you already have an Online
Account with Fry's, you can skip this and go to https://frysfood.com/topic/community?activePage=community-
rewards-2. Select Sign In and enter your email and password. Select My Account and then Account Settings
from drop down menu. Click Edit under Community Awards. Under Find Your Organization, select box next
to POMC and enter the NPO number #29432. Save changes and you are good to go. If you have registered
correctly, you should see our organization information listed under "Community Rewards" on your account
summary page. Thanks for your support.
CHAPTER SIBLING COORDINATOR Amanda Harris is our Sibling Coordinator and provides support for siblings outside of meetings. You can
reach her by phone for more information at 623-866-3189 or email her at [email protected]. Amanda
lost her brother, Joshua, to murder and understands the sibling grief in a way only a sibling can.
AFFIRMATION OF POMC NON-DISCRIMINATION POLICY
“It shall be the policy of Parents Of Murdered Children, Inc., to provide equal membership/employment service opportunities to all eligible persons
without regard to race, religion, color, national origin, citizenship, age, sex, sexual orientation, marital status, parental status, disabilities, membership
in any labor organization, political affiliation, and for employment only, height, weight, and record of arrest without conviction.”
*If you feel you have been discriminated against you may file a complaint with our National Office, 4960 Ridge Avenue, Suite 2, Cincinnati,
Ohio 45209. www.pomc.org (513) 721-5683
To refer a complaint to an appropriate investigating entity:
Office for Civil Rights
Office of Justice Programs
U.S. Department of Justice
810 7th Street, NW
Washington, D.C. 20531 www.ojp.gov
In order to file with the federal Office for Civil Rights (OCR) two forms must be downloaded from the internet and submitted in writing to the ORC.
The forms can be found at www.ojp.gov/about/ocr/complaint.htm.
Arizona Department of Public Safety
VOCA Administration
Civil Rights Coordinator
PO Box 6638 - MD 1320
Phoenix AZ 85005-6638 (602) 223-2491 www.azdps.gov/services/crime_victims
6
NEWS FROM NATIONAL POMC
☺ CINCINNATI OHIO OFFICE☺ 4960 Ridge Avenue, Ste 2, Cincinnati OH 45209
888-818-7662 Website: www.pomc.org
•The POMC CATALOG has been added to the home page on the website. Please check out the website www.pomc.org
for our inventory of sale items. Some of the items are new and are available for purchase. Some of the older items are on
sale.
•SAVE THE DATE: The 30th National Conference will be July 21-24, 2016, at the Sheraton Lake Buena Vista Resort,
Orlando, Florida. Call 800-423-3297 to make reservations. The hotel price is $99.00 (includes resort fee of $19.95), so
make sure they do not charge you extra. For brochure and more information, see website www.pomc.org. It’s not too
early to think of silent auction items/table gifts donations. For table gifts donations, you can email Marie Belmontez,
[email protected] to let her know. For silent auction items, contact Carol Leonhardt, [email protected]. If
you would like to donate either, send them to National at:
2016 National POMC Conference
4960 Ridge Ave. Ste. 2
Cincinnati, OH 45209-1075
●SURVIVORS NEWSLETTER: The National Newsletter is going green and we are currently in the process of getting
email addresses and switching over. If you do not have a computer or access to one you will still receive a hard copy if
you notify the National Office. There is a lot of time put in to creating, editing and assembling the Newsletter for
distribution thus we will still charge $10 for the subscription. POMC's effort to be more cost effective, generate some
income, and going green make it a logical step to take.
●DONATIONS AND SUPPORT OF NATIONAL POMC: There are many ways to help with much needed funds for
POMC including any items you buy on Amazon.com, as well as if you shop the Kroger Stores. It is very simple and does
not cost you anything and yet your purchase allows a percentage from these companies to go directly to National. Please
go on-line to www.pomc.org and see how you can sign up for this or contact Bev Warnock - [email protected]
POMC Goodsearch donates money to POMC when you search the Internet, shop online or dine out at local restaurants!
Use Goodsearch.com to search the Internet and they donate a penny per search to POMC. Use Goodshop.com when you
shop online and they donate a percentage of every purchase and offer over 100,000 coupons to help you save money too!
Sign up for their Good dining program and they'll donate a percentage of your restaurant bill when you eat at any one of
thousands of participating restaurants. It's really easy, it's free and turns simple everyday actions into a way to help
POMC. Please sign up today to help support Parents Of Murdered Children - POMC. Go to www.goodsearch.com to get
started.
NEW FUNDRAISER: No need to worry about parking or getting a designated driver-we've partnered with Uber to get
everyone to and from events safely! Uber is evolving the way the world moves. By seamlessly connecting riders to drivers
through our app, Uber makes cities more accessible, opening up more possibilities for riders and more business for
drivers. New to Uber? Sign up with promo code POMCORG to get your first ride FREE, up to $20! Plus, Uber will
donate $5 back to POMC. Check out Uber pro tips here: uber.com/features. Promo Code: POMCORG Sign up Link:
Uber.com/go/pomcorg ●AUTO DONATIONS: We are encouraging all chapters and contact persons to get involved with POMC Debit Authorization. You
can now donate to NATIONAL POMC by setting up an automatic withdrawal from your bank account to National. Contact National
for a debit authorization form. This is a fast and easy way to make a donation to National to help us help others. Your donation is
withdrawn at the same time of the month, each month, and no amount is too small. We appreciate your help during these difficult
economic times.
●PAROLE BLOCK PROGRAM: To date, this program has kept more than 1509 prisoners who committed murders
from being released early. Parole Block was begun in 1990 and all members across the United States whose loved one’s
killer is up for early release/parole consideration can file a petition with National that is sent nationwide for signatures
protesting their release.
SECOND OPINION SERVICES: A program that provides second opinions on unsolved or complicated cases by a
national board comprised solely of experts in the medical, law enforcement and investigative fields.
MURDER IS NOT ENTERTAINMENT (MINE) PROGRAM: Through this program, POMC raises public awareness to the
insensitivity of murder as entertainment through toys, games, murder mystery weekends, drive-by shooting fashions, serial killer
trading cards, and anything that glamorizes violence.
BIG TURN OFF: This is an annual event, each January, in which citizens are asked to turn off their televisions for one evening
during prime time hours to protest the violence on television.
MURDER WALL: A traveling tribute honoring the memories of murder victims. A photo album is also available with each plaque.
Currently, the cost is $75 to add your loved ones’ names to the Walnut Plaques that comprise the Murder Wall. You have two pages
for the photo album to add information, poetry or pictures.
SILENCED VOICES: A program begun in January 2002, which advocates for the vigorous investigation and
prosecution of those responsible for the murder of abused children. The first case was that of Brandi Conley. POMC was
instrumental in bringing charges against her parents.
Please join Parents Of Murdered Children, Valley of the Sun Chapter "for the Families and Friends of those who have died by violence"
DATE: Saturday, September 24, 2016 WHERE: Enchanted Island Amusement Park, 1202 West Encanto Boulevard, Phoenix
TIME: 4:30 pm (check in) EVENT START: 5:00 pm RSVP attendance to [email protected] or call 602-254-8818 (leave message)
*Our guest speaker will be retired Chief of Police, Sherry Kiyler. There will be an honor guard (KOHR – Kids of Honor & Respect) and a dove release, as well as our teddy bear raffle. Members may bring teddy bears dressed to represent a hobby or something their loved one liked so we can raffle them off to participating attendees. You can purchase raffle tickets for $1 each or 6 for $5. We will have a catered picnic dinner immediately following our event. There will also be a Moon Bounce for the children and volleyball and horseshoes, which are available at the park. You will get a wristband that will allow you free rides in the amusement park after the event ends and our meal. ►►► Please RSVP for the event so we have the catering count and for chair rental.
*Bring your teddy bears either directly to the event or before hand to a meeting.
7
“If Only”
If only I had been given the time, Before your life was cruelly denied.
If only I had known it would be, So quick, so final, your destiny.
I would have carried you up on eagle's wings,
And lain you gently at his feet. Calmed your heart and soul with love,
Prepared us for your trip above.
Kept you here a moment more with me, For what is one minute out of eternity?
If only I could have cheated death, And held you closely before your last breath.
If only time could be erased,
I'd ask God for the time to face, Death squarely in your eyes and mine,
To hold you, kiss you, one last time.
But I shall have to ease my pain, Knowing our loved ones before died not in vain.
Pray they were there to lead you on, The road to heaven you now belong.
To carry you up where I cannot yet go,
On angel's wings the color of snow. And lay you gently at his feet,
Where He'll protect you for all eternity.
If only I could have said goodbye, Would I have been strong enough not to deny?
That the road you were taking was different from mine, And my life would be changed for all time.
If onlys cannot be what ifs forever,
Our hearts must seek a peaceful endeavor, My heart chooses to ease its pain,
Through faith and God's promise in His son's name. . .
July 12, 1993
by: Beckie A. Miller
8
STORMS OF MOURNING YOU
"1995" August 25, The day a storm brought an ocean filled with tears of losing you. My only
Brother, Antonio Rodriguez, and
Danielle Wessel high school sweethearts.
You didn't even have the chance to say Goodbye, to never be able to enjoy good times with
your 6-month old baby girl.
To give her your tender Hugs and Kisses. She's proud to have given you new names-
Grandpa and Grandma.
She shares a heartfelt love for her son. How she lives her life, well only she
could answer. I asked you in my prayers -
both of you. Your baby girl, She's now a young Independent Woman.
Strength like no other.
Guide her with your eyes when days are Dark. Take her pain as yours with the touch
of your lending hands.
Whisper to her when she cries your names, just to let her know you hear her words.
Thank you for filling her blood with such strength.
Life's unfair to the good ones, too. It hurts to see our mother struggle through the days
without you. She grieves with invisible tears.
I say that, Brother, because we share yesterdays and tomorrows thinking of you.
The Human heart is the only thing in this world that
weighs more when it's broken. Grief changes shapes, but it never ends.
You will never be forgotten.
P.S. JUST TO MAKE YOUR DAY, YOUR DAUGHTER NAMED HER BABY BOY AFTER YOU,
ALEXANDER ANTHONIO RODRIGUEZ
AND DANIELLE, SHE'S CLOSE TO YOUR FAMILY AND MAKES SURE TO SHARE. WHAT A
BLESSING HE IS - AN ANGEL
9
Surviving the Murder of an Only Child
by: Danna Shaeffer
When your child is murdered, you go into a kind of shock that never completely wears off. Even if
you are functioning well, working, doing dishes, feeding the dog, smiling at salespeople, there’s an inner
part of you that is actively and furiously working at the impossibility of the loss, turning it over in your
mind, examining it, raging at it, denying it, reconciling to it. I sometimes think of it as a grisly Algebra
problem that we are condemned to try to solve for the rest of our lives; it can’t be, but is; it can’t be, how
can it be, but it is; and on and on and on.
How is this process different when the murdered child is an only child? A very wise friend whose
only child was murdered used to say, “The grief is the same but your life changes more.” That is, if you
have other children and one is murdered, you will of course be struck numb and dumb with anguish but
you will go on to experience graduations, weddings, grandchildren, and all the other milestones and
minutiae of a person’s life. This is very much not the case when it is your only child who has been
taken. Survivor-parents try gamely to participate in the lives of nieces, nephews, god-children, and the
children of our relatives and friends, and we are genuine in our fondness and good wishes; but at the
same time, our own loss is highlighted. Every blessed event turns into another grisly Algebra problem:
let’s see, I am happy for this girl getting married, but the sight of her wedding dress makes me weep
inside because she is not my beautiful Rebecca getting married. (A parent with other children may, of
course, go through this very same misery: as one said to me, “It’s a two-edged sword: you’re happy for
the living child but it highlights the absence of the dead one.”)
How can any survivor sustain this tension? I sometimes talk about this to my clients who have
suffered a loss; in computer terms: you can gradually miniaturize (the technical word is minimize, but I
don’t like the idea of minimizing the loss) the anguish program to an icon and a few words at the foot of
the screen. The program, however, is still (and permanently) running. This means two things: 1) The
icon can be clicked on and the program will spring to life, knocking off whatever you are working on.
The difficulty is that we are not always in control of the clicking; sometimes we choose to click on it by
an unexpected word, a picture, or newspaper article does the clicking and the screen is suddenly flooded
with the anguish. 2) It also means that the program is taking up room on your memory (and always
will). Perhaps one way to accommodate this is to go for an upgrade. That is, by engaging in new
projects, interests and even careers, we can expand our capacity so there is more room for the inner
anguish that is going on and more room, too, for pleasure and joy.
This way of thinking may be helpful to any survivor, but it may be of particular use to people who
have lost an only child. There is no measuring or comparing grief; grief is endless and unmeasurable
and it cannot be said that one person suffers more than another. The task of parent-survivors of only
children may be different, however. We have to accommodate grief over the loss of our children and
accommodate ourselves to a newly-defined life, a life where we are perhaps more often faced with the
marriage of joy and anguish, a life where perhaps just a little more is asked of us.
(Danna Schaeffer, M.A., is a counselor and author. Her only child, Rebecca Schaeffer, was murdered at
the age of 21, in 1989.)
Reprinted from the Greater Portland Oregon Chapter of POMC newsletter
Resource: www.alivealone.org
10
REDESIGNING OUR LIVES
(By: Beckie A. Miller – mother of Brian)
Finding the right words to go along with the aftermath of murder and what
homicide survivors have to deal with is often difficult, such as we hate the word closure
and healed (we are always healing never healed). Closure is not something we ever
obtain fully either. I used the word reclaim our lives in the past. If we work really hard
at it and are lucky, one day we can reclaim our lives after such horrific loss. But even
reclaim does not quite work because while we do try to reclaim our lives, reclaim means
take back as was. We cannot take back our lives as they were before the murder
occurred. We are forever changed by the evil that took our loved ones from us. That is
why it is also so hard when our families and friends ask us when we are going to be us
again. When are we returning to normal? Because the answer is we simply can’t.
The other night I saw a show on television about a ‘survivor’ who said he was
redesigning his life. It is always a work in motion. I thought that is a much better word
than reclaim. You see, redesigning offers hope for some normalcy to again be in our
lives and yet it also says changed. We can redesign our lives to fit how we have
changed. It may have been forced upon us, but you cannot go through a loved one’s
death to murder and not change.
Some of those changes are not always bad. Some are positive. We become more
sensitive and compassionate to other survivors. We learn to appreciate the little things
in life and understand more fully what the important things are. We do not sweat the
small stuff. We love more deeply; sniff the scent of roses more robustly; enjoy and
embrace the sounds of life. I believe when the initial trauma lessens its hold on our
souls, we realize how fragile and precious life is and act accordingly. We live life more
fully, often manically so to get in every moment. We are continually redesigning our
lives and ourselves to give meaning to what we have survived and because of what we
have gone through.
So, please excuse my remodeling. It will be a long work in progress. I am
redesigning everything, throwing out what is old and does not work anymore, bringing
in the new. Do not expect me to become the old me again. The old me died the day
my son was murdered and I held his lifeless, blue and cold body and begged him to
come back to me and his family; begging God to give him back to me and willing to
bargain anything in the process. I hope you like the changes in my redesign. If not, at
least accept them for what they are – a constant work in progress, a necessary change.
11
VALLEY OF THE SUN
BOARD OF DIRECTORS (2016)
Beckie Miller, Chapter-Leader .......... .(623) 582-2406 Don Miller, Treasurer ....................... .(623) 582-2406
Claudia Marco, Co-Leader/Secretary..(480) 290-3908
Amanda Harris, Co-Leader..................(623) 866-3189 Kathy Hernandez,................................(623) 707-6825 Tim Osolin ....................................... ...(602) 615-7096 Mary Wallace……………………….…..(602) 448-9425 Denise Brewer..……………………......(917) 696-2928 Sandy Navarro.....................................(480) 695-4789 Paulino Navarro...................................(602) 828-1106 Arrow McCullough...............................(602) 677-5258 (Volunteers) Carolee Holbrook - Office Assistance Denise Brewer - Anniversary Note Writer Kathy Hernandez - Facebook Page Coordinator
CONTACT NUMBERS
SIBLING SUPPORT: Amanda Harris is our chapter's
Sibling Coordinator providing support for siblings. Her
contact info is 623-866-3189 or email is:
POMC VOICE MESSAGING)....................(602) 254-8818
Chapter E-mail.……………………. [email protected]
Chapter Fax: .................................................(623) 582-0917
CRISIS LINE/MOBILE CRISIS TEAM
Empact Crisis Line ............................ ..(480) 784-4949
OTHER HELP LINES
Teen Lifeline.......................................…...(602) 248-8336
GrandCare (Grandparents help line) .....(602) 274-5022
Crime Victims Legal Assistance Project (480) 965-5640
MCAO Victim Services.............................(602) 506-8522
Crime Victim Compensation....................(602) 506-4955
♥♥♥ THANKS FOR CARING ♥♥♥ To the Mountain View Police Precinct for donating our meeting room, as well as Mountain View Lutheran Church. To the Department of Public Safety (VOCA), for the grant for our newsletter, and everyone who has donated gifts of their time, talents and energy to our chapter activities. With your help, we are able to continue the outreach that is needed by our community.
Memorial Wall Order Form
Please add my loved one’s name to the “Valley of the
Sun Memorial Wall in their Memories.” Each
Nameplate is $10. Our wall is displayed at many
special events across the valley during the year.
NAME__________________________________
Age:___________ Murder date: _____________
Picture Board
___ Check here if sending picture for the picture
board & Holiday Memorial Video (no cost).
You may email picture to [email protected]
Act of Kindness Cards
10 for $2 # ordered: _______
(attach these when giving acts of kindness to others in
memory of your loved one)
Chapter Bracelets
Red and black with words “Always in our Hearts.” $3
each # ordered _____
Chapter Window Decals
$10 each for auto or home with our logo and chapter
information: # ordered _____
*Make all checks or money orders out to POMC
*Mail to 19620 North 38th Avenue
Glendale AZ 85308-2215
“The Journey” Memorial Page Order Form (newsletter)
Please reserve: □ ½ page (suggested donation of $10)
□ Full pg (suggested donation of $20)
Month you wish memorial to appear in: ________________
Loved One’s Name________________________________
Age _____
Date of Death_______________
YOUR Name_____________________________________
YOUR Phone Number______________________________
YOUR E-MAIL __________________________________
A half page will hold a picture and short poem OR message,
depending on space. If a photo is included, please provide
identification of the person on the back. If you wish the photo to
be returned include a self-addressed stamped envelope, big
enough for the picture to fit in. Unless otherwise specified,
location, size and structure of the text and picture will be at
editor’s discretion and space permitting.
**We also, if space is available, print "Survivor to Survivor"
stories if you would like to send in a one page, single spaced and
typed document. Also, if you have written poetry about your loss
or have a favorite poem to share with others. We do edit for
misspellings and or profanity. There is no charge for these
items, either poetry or shared stories.
*Return this form with your material for The Journey by the 10th
of the month preceding the issue you wish it to appear in; for
example: September 10 for October's newsletter, etc.
*A donation for the memorial page can be made by sending a
check made out to POMC and mailed in care of:
Newsletter Editor
Valley of the Sun POMC
19620 North 38th Avenue
Glendale AZ 85308-2215
Return Address PARENTS OF MURDERED CHILDREN, INC. VALLEY OF THE SUN CHAPTER
19620 North 38th Avenue Glendale AZ 85308-2215 (602) 254-8818
WHY WE ARE HERE: MISSION STATEMENT: “POMC makes the difference through ongoing emotional support, education, prevention, advocacy, and awareness.” VISION STATEMENT: “To provide support and assistance to all survivors of homicide victims while working to create a world free of murder.” This project is supported by Grant No. 2014-VA-GX-0018 from the US Department of Justice - Office for Victims of Crime. The opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this publication/program/exhibition are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the US DOJ or the Arizona Department of Public Safety.
Parents Of Murdered Children, Inc., is a self-help organization dedicated to the aftermath of murder. The success of its mission depends upon the participation of the families and friends of those lost to murder. POMC number (602) 254-8818