is it love or infatuation is there a difference does it...

Is It Love or Infatuation? Is There a Difference? Does

It Matter?

Essential Question: What is the difference between love and infatuation and how does/should it affect my relationships? Learning Outcome: I will be able to identify relationship characteristics that are based on love and infatuation.

First Loves

A normal part of growing up are those first crushes. Did you ever have a

moment like Megan’s?…

Megan’s Worst Day at School

Six-year-old Megan came home from school and seemed upset. Sensing something was wrong, her mother asked her how her day was at school. Megan said it was a terrible day and she was too embarrassed to go back to school. After a few more questions the story unfolded like this. Several of Megan’s friends all “loved” Robbie--they enjoyed teasing each other and playing during recess each day. Today Megan was upset due to the fact that Robbie found out that she was one of those who loved him. When Mom asked how he found out, she said, “Well, he knew it was me that put the pine cones in his hoodie!” Mom still didn’t understand so Megan explained, “That’s how you tell if someone likes you--they put pine cones from the playground in the hood of your jacket. Gol, Mom. Don’t you know anything?

Questions??   When did you have your first crush?   How did you act? How did you show

them you liked them?   How long did the attraction take place?   Had you ever talked to the person

before you decided you “liked” them?

“True Love?”

A normal part of adolescence is “young love”, “puppy love”, and “first loves”. As teens begin to enjoy the fascination of the opposite gender, they can quickly fall in and out of “love”. Some “first loves” only last a few days, but they are still real and the feelings strong.

“True Loves”

This young love should and will be a time of emotion, caring and sharing. It is DIFFERENT, however, than the long enduring true love between those who marry and commit to a life together.

So how do you tell if you are really in love? Lets ask some questions to find out…

ARE YOU IN LOVE?

1.  Did this relationship happen all of a sudden? 2.  Would you be very jealous and upset if

someone else made a “move” on this person?

3.  When you aren’t together, do you find yourself feeling sad and unable to do much except think about him/her?

4.  Are you more in love when you are together than when you are by yourself?

ARE YOU IN LOVE?

5. Do you honestly feel that he/she is just about the most perfect person in the whole world?

6. Are you usually unhappy with your family situation?

7. Do you know how your one and only feels about family, children and handling money?

ARE YOU IN LOVE? 8. Do you find that when it comes to this particular

person,, you are always anxious to appear at your best--that you are more self -conscious about what you say and how you look and act?

9. Are you both very happy with few complaints about life, parents, school, and other things in your lives?

10. If your beloved is away on an extended trip and writing you beautiful, affectionate letters, would you show these to your friends so they would know how much this person cares about and misses you?

Love Vs. Infatuation

LOVE INFATUATION Slowly Built Burns out Quickly Strong Friendship Material Love Secure/Trusting Jealousy Giving/About “you” Taking/About “me” Dual Commitment Based on Physical

SELF-LESS SELF-CENTERED Let’s take a look at some scenarios...


Situation #2 – The guy I go out with must have a decent car! I like to have fun, I like presents, and I like for guys to bring me presents a lot, even if it is something little. Situation #3 – When I first started going out with Mark, I really liked him a lot. But after three or four months, I knew him so well that it began to feel like he was a part of me. I knew that if he wasn’t in my life, a part of me would be gone.

Situation #1 – I am looking for someone to look out for me—someone who understands me and is willing to listen. I want someone to share myself with, someone who has a lot in common with me, someone who supports me in everything I try to do. I plan to mirror that support for them in all they work to accomplish.


Situation #5 – I’m a better person when I am with ________. I can be myself, share, and tell my future plans without being embarrassed.

Situation #6 – I love _______ and I know he/she’s not perfect, but when we get married I can help him/her change.

Situation #4 – I love her hair, her body, and the way she walks. I don’t know if we have anything in common or not—I haven’t ever really talked seriously to her. But I just feel so attracted to her and know I love her.


Situation #8 – Jennifer Lopez/Zac Effron is so beautiful/handsome—I’m trying to find someone who looks just like her/him.

Situation #9 – Our relationship started out just being friends and then it grew into a romantic relationship. Is it funny that we are still really good friends?

Situation #7 – I love ___________ but my parents don’t. They just don’t know him.

Love Vs. Infatuation TO NOTE:

It is much easier

to turn a friendship

into love

than love into a

friendship.

“A Love That Will Last” – What does/doesn’t it include? by Renee Olstead

Emotional Needs (Maslow Moment)

Often we base and stay in a relationship solely because of our basic emotional

needs: ACCEPTANCE

APPROVAL

AFFECTION

Is it Healthy?

THE THREE COMPONENTS OF RELATIONSHIPS

For a romantic relationship to find its greatest success, there are three

components that need to be present. They include:


Intimacy Being close to someone and sharing

personal things with them.


Passion Strong emotional feelings that make

you want to express them physically, verbally, etc..


Commitment Pledging yourself to another;

promising to be true and faithful.


Without all three intact a relationship will weaken and

potentially be lost.

Lets take a look...


1.  Jason and Heather have been going out for about three months. They tell each other things that they find hard to tell just anyone. Heather hasn’t kissed any other boy but Jason and she is madly in love with him. Jason doesn’t tell Heather but he is seeing another girl. Intimacy? Passion? Commitment?

2. My grandparents have been married for about 45 years. Grandpa does his thing and grandma does hers. They live in the same house but lead separate lives. Intimacy? Passion? Commitment?


3. Mario and Jose have been friends since kindergarten. They have always confided in each other and have told each other things that they wouldn’t tell their parents. Intimacy? Passion? Commitment?

4. My parents embarrass me at times. They have been married for about 16 years and are always hugging and kissing each other. YUK!! I must admit that they not only are husband and wife, but they seem like best friends. They talk things through. Many of my friends don’t have parents that are as devoted to each other. Intimacy? Passion? Commitment?


5.  Mark and I have been “going out” for about 6 months. I can tell him things that I can’t tell even my best friend Tiffany. I don’t see any other guys and feel a loyalty to Mark, but I don’t feel comfortable enough to let him kiss me. Intimacy? Passion? Commitment?

BUILDING BLOCKS OF LOVE

Jenga = The “True Love” Lightbulb

***There are obviously critical steps to “True Love” and when those steps

(blocks) are pulled out, the relationship weakens.***

BUILDING BLOCKS OF LOVE

How would your true love pyramid look?

is it love or infatuation is there a difference does it...

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