copyright © 2007 by marline e. pearson. all rights reserved. lesson three attractions and...

Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

Lesson Three

Attractions and Infatuation


Goals

To introduce the idea that good relationships come from relationship "smarts"—a product not only of

experience but also of conscious learning and skills.

To build awareness of building blocks and characteristics of healthy relationships.

To gain knowledge about the nature of infatuation.

To offer guidance in handling attractions and early relationship experiences.


Testing Your Love Smarts–True or False?

1. There is probably only one person meant for you.

2. Breaking up should be done slowly so you do not hurt the other person too much.

3. If you feel the “chemistry” it is probably love.4. If you find the right person you will be

happy.5. Opposites attract.6. Happy couples have fewer differences and

argue less than unhappy couples.7. On average, people have one serious

romance before they find someone they want to marry.

8. Living together before marriage is a good way to reduce your chances of divorce in the future.




FALSE: While you are not attracted to just anyone, you potentially will be attracted to more than one person.


2. Breaking up should be done slowly so you do not hurt the other person too much.

FALSE: To go slowly only drags out the pain. It is better to be "brutally honest" and make a clean break than to give a person false hope. However, this response does not mean you have to be mean.



3. If you feel the "chemistry," (i.e., intense attraction), it is probably love.

FALSE: Chemistry may get love started. But real love is based also on knowledge and not just physical attractions.



4. If you find the right person you will be happy.

TRUE & FALSE: It is true that most people feel that a large part of human happiness is about finding someone to love and to make a life with. However, beware of the idea that if only you find Mr. or Ms. Right all your problems or troubles will vanish. Ultimately no one else can magically “make” you happy. No one can give you an identity, a sense of worth, or a purpose. You have to gain these qualities yourself. Being happy and having good relationships has a lot to do with how developed and healthy you are.



5. Opposites attract.

TRUE & FALSE: It is true that great relationships are built on common ground— where two people are compatible and share a lot of the same interests, values, and goals. But it is quite common that personality styles will be different between two people in a relationship.



6. Happy couples have fewer differences and argue less than unhappy couples.

FALSE: Research on adult couples show that happy couples fight just as much as unhappy couples. It is how these couples fight that matters. Often happy couples have learned how to handle their differences and conflicts constructively, not destructively.

CAUTION TO TEENS: Your romantic relationships should be mostly fun. If there is more fighting, sadness, and problems than fun, take it as a sign that this relationship is not worth continuing.



7. On average people have one serious romance before they find someone they want to marry.

FALSE: On average, people have six to seven romances before marriage.



8. Living together before marriage is a good way to reduce your chances of divorce later on.

FALSE: Data shows that non-engaged couples who cohabit before marriage actually have higher rates of divorce than those that have never cohabited before marriage.





2. Breaking up should be done slowly so you don't hurt the other person too much.

3. If you feel the "chemistry," i.e., intense attraction, it's probably love.

4. If you find the right person you will be happy.

5. Opposites attract.

6. Happy couples have fewer differences and argue less than unhappy couples.

7. On average people have one serious romance before they find someone they want to marry.

8. Living together before marriage is a good way to reduce your chances of divorce later on.


List Ingredients for a Good Relationship…


Positive Starters

Deepening and Developing

Relationship

Mature Love

Where do our ingredients fit into this pyramid?


Inverted Relationship Pyramid

Not Really Not Really MatureMature

NoNo DevelopmentDevelopment

One-SidedOne-SidedRelationshipRelationship

No Positive StartersNo Positive Starters

CommunicationCommunicationNot GreatNot Great

Few Common Interests; Time Few Common Interests; Time Together Not Much FunTogether Not Much Fun

Doesn’t Feel Like a FriendDoesn’t Feel Like a Friend

YOU HAVE NO COMMITMENT, NO TRUST!YOU HAVE NO COMMITMENT, NO TRUST!

SEXSEX

No FoundationNo Foundation


Information All Teens Should Know:

Most first-time sexual relationships are romantic but short-lived. 8 out of 10 first-time sexual relationships last six months or less. ¼ are one time occurrences.

Surveys of sexually active teens reveal that the majority wish they’d waited. More than 7 out of 10 girls and more than 5 out of 10 boys surveyed say this.

The Centers for Disease Control collects data on teens every two years on sexual and other behaviors. The number of teens who have had sexual intercourse has declined 14% in the last decade. 47% percent of 15 to 19-year-old teens report they have had sexual intercourse. These are averages and obviously there are significant differences among different teens.



More than half of all teens (ages 15-19 years) have NOT had sexual intercourse, and of the half that have, most wish they had waited.

Unfortunately, the half who have not had sexual intercourse sometimes think they are out of it because they believe “everybody’s doing it.” In reality, “everybody is not doing it.”

Moreover, some teens—especially boys because of social pressures—lie about having had sex. Even those who brag about how many people they have had sex with often are not having sex at all.



We also know from surveys that boys show significant respect—though often unspoken—for girls who resist pressure to have sex and remain virgins. And, girls have respect for guys who are not “players.”

Many teens believe it is okay for a couple to

have sex if they feel they are in love. The problem here is that the “feelings” of love may not yet be real love. The “love chemicals” could be surging, it could be more about lust and less about love. Further, one could have an unrealistic concept of what real love really is.


The Brain Chemistry of Love

For weeks or months you get a big shot of the “love chemicals.” Those chemicals make it easy to slide into risky or poor relationship and sexual choices.

Slide 3.21


It’s a lot like falling in love with a puppy, all you can think about is how cute, cuddly, and perfect the puppy is.


The Brain Chemistry of Love

Tip: Enjoy the great feelings….but remember you won’t see clearly until those chemicals settle down a bit. Make the focus

be on getting to know the person, having fun. Go slow—go smart!

F A TI N U A T I O N?

Is it LOVE or is it

…

• Love cards are one color, infatuation cards another.

• Each card has a match that deals with the same topic or theme.

• Read your card and find the person with the card that has the opposite statement.

• Once you have found your match discuss real life examples.

• If you are unsure about your match you may check with me.

copyright © 2007 by marline e. pearson. all rights reserved. lesson three attractions and...

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