get anyone to like you

8/22/2019 Get Anyone to Like You

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Get Anyone to Like YouInstantly

Guaranteed

This golden rule of friendship works every timeguaranteed!Published on July 30, 2011 byJack Schafer, Ph.D.inLet Their Words Do the Talking

Get anyone to like you - Instantly - Guaranteed

If you want people to like you, make them feel good about themselves. This golden rule offriendshipworks every time - guaranteed! The principle is straightforward. If I meet you and

make you feel good about yourself, you will like me and seek every opportunity to see me again

to reconstitute the same good feeling you felt the first time we met. Unfortunately, this powerful

technique is seldom used because we are continually focused on ourselves and not others. Weput our wants and needs before the wants and needs of others. The irony is that people will fulfill

your wants and needs in any way they can if they like you.

The simple communication techniques that follow will help you keep the focus of the

conversation on the person you are talking to and make them feel good about themselves.

The Big Three

Our brains continually scan theenvironmentfor friend or foe signals. People who pose a threat

give off foe cues and people who do not pose a threat give off friend cues. When you meet

people, ensure that you send the right nonverbal cues that signal that you are not a threat.

The three primary friend cues are the eyebrow flash, head tilt, and smile.

Eyebrow Flash

The eyebrow flash is a quick up and down movement of the eyebrows. As people approach one

another they eyebrow flash each other to send the message that they do not pose a threat. Since

eyebrow flashes can be seen at a distance, people typically eyebrow flash as they approachothers.

Head Tilt

The head tilt is a slight tilt of the head to one side or the other. This cue signals that the

approaching person is not a threat because they are exposing their carotid artery. The carotidartery is the primary source for blood to reach thebrainand if disrupted, causes severe brain

damage or death within minutes. Exposing the carotid artery sends the signal that the person

exposing their carotid artery does not pose a threat nor does the person they are approaching posea threat.

Smile
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A smile sends the message "I like you." When you smile at someone, they have a hard time not

returning the smile. A smile triggers a small endorphin release in the brain, which promotes a

feeling of well-being. In other words, when you smile, you feel good about yourself. Thissupports the notion that people will like you if you make them feel good about themselves.

Empathic Statements

Empathic statements keep the focus on the other person. Because people are typically focused on

themselves, they feel good about themselves when others make them the center of attention.Empathic statements capture a person's verbal message, physical status, or emotional feeling,

and, using parallel language, reflects that verbal message, physical status, or emotional feeling

back to that person. Avoid repeating back word for word what the person said. Parroting cansound patronizing and sometimes condescending. The basic formula for constructing empathic

statements is "So you..." This basic formula keeps the focus on the other person and away from

you. We naturally tend to say something to the effect, "I understand how you feel." The other

person automatically thinks, "No, you don't know how I feel because you are not me." The basic

formula ensures that the focus of the conversation remains on the person you are talking to.

Example 1

George: I've been really busy this week.

Tom: So you didn't have much free time in the last few days.

Once the basic formula for empathic statements has been mastered, more sophisticated empathic

statements can be constructed by dropping "So you..."

Example 2

George: I've been really busy this week.

Tom: Free time has been at a premium in the last several days.

Flattery

The most effective way to flatter people is to allow them to flatter themselves. This technique

avoids the problem of appearing insincere when complimenting someone. When people

compliment themselves, sincerity is not an issue and people rarely miss an opportunity to flatter

themselves. Consider the following examples:

Example 1

Henry: How do you manage to stay in shape with your busy schedule?

Example 2


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Vickie: I haven't met one person who didn't like your home cooked pies.

Asking a Favor

Ben Franklin observed that if he asked a colleague for a favor, the colleague liked him more than

if he did not ask him for a favor. This phenomenon became known as the Ben Franklin Effect. Atfirst glance, this seems counterintuitive. If you ask a person for a favor, you would think you

would like the person more because they did you a favor; however, this is not the case. When a

person does someone a favor, they feel good about themselves. The Golden Rule states that ifyou make a person feel good about themselves, they will like you. Asking someone to do you a

favor is not all about you. It is all about the person doing you the favor. Do not overuse this

technique because Ben Franklin also said, "Guests, like fish begin tosmellafter three days" (asdo people who ask too many favors.)

Getting people to like you is easy if you follow the Golden Rule. The hard part is following theGolden Rule because we must put the interest of others above our own.

10 Ways to Make People Feel Good

Im excited to share todays lesson because it captures one of lifes simple yet powerful truths.

When you focus on others rather than on yourself, you make a positive difference in two lives

yours and the person with whom you interact.

When you are intentional about doing things that make others feel good, you create a special

connection that accelerates new relationships and nurtures existing ones.

The Values of Making People Feel Good

Recently, I talked abouthabits we have that bug peopleand the damaging effect that can have on

our reputations. However, doing things that make people feel good is quite the opposite. Notonly does it brighten someones day, but its a positive reflection on you and enhances your

reputation.

Lets lookat a couple areas in your life and see the results.

In the workplace, making your co-workers feel good will enhance the work environment,making it more enjoyable; it will also increase your influence with them.

In your business, making your clients and customers feel good will draw them closer toyou; it will also increase your sales.

In the home, it will bind your family members closer together, turning your house into ahappy home.

Because I have seen the results of reciprocal goodwill in action, I am intentional in my own life

about doing things that I know make people feel good.
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Ten Ways to Improve Peoples Lives

When you make people feel good, you enhance their self-image and give them energy, hope, andconfidence. Below are ten simple ways you can make people feel good.

1. Encourage. What sunshine and rain do for flowers, encouragement does for humanity.Regardless of ones position in life, everyone needs to hear words of encouragement.

Three billion people on the face of the earth go to bed hungry every night, but four billion

people go to bed every night hungry for a simple word of encouragement and recognition. Robert Cavett

2. Compliment Sincerely. You can compliment someone for a job well done or on an admirable

characteristic you have noticed. If you cant do it in person, dont hesitate to use another means

like a card, thoughtful email, or text message.

3. Praise Publicly. Boost someones confidence by commending their efforts in front of others,

either verbally or in writing. You can also do this with people who serve you, such as a storeclerk, waitress, or receptionist who has gone the extra mile to assist you.

4. Listen Thoughtfully. Focus on listening, not just hearing. When you are an attentive listener,

people sense your care and concern and are comforted that their feelings and experiences arevalidated.

5. Serve Willingly. The next time you notice that a co-worker is under the gun and needs a hand,

volunteer to help. Or offer to assist someone who has a task to do that they dont want to do. In

doing so, you will help them see themselves as worthy of your efforts and attention.

6. Show Genuine Interest. Ask about something important to them and concentrate on whatthey have to say. Remembering and commenting on their hobbies, sports, vacations, or family at

a later date will prove that you have a sincere interest in their lives.

7. Express Love Unselfishly. Every person has a primary love language that dictates the ways

they prefer to be loved. When we understand and love people the way they need to be loved (notjust the way that satisfies our needs), it draws them closer to us and us to them. See a post from

my wife Joy about this subjecthere.

8. Make a Friendly Call. It doesnt have to be important or a special day, just call to let a friend

or family member know you are thinking of them. Asking how someone is doing is always

appreciated.The deepest principle of human nature is a craving to be appreciated. William James

9. Give a Gift.It doesnt need to be expensive. It can be a small bouquet of flowers or a card. Inthis department, its most definitely the thought that counts. Hallmark has captured the essence in

their advertisement: You cared enough to send. . .
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10. Smile Often. A sincere smile never goes out of style; it can mean different things to different

people. A smile can brighten peoples day in an instant, and theyll appreciate that you made the

effort to acknowledge them.

Starting today, I encourage you to start doing the things like those listed above that make people

feel good. If you need some additional inspiration, be sure to read my post,25 Unexpected Waysto Make Someones Day. If you have some suggestions of your own, please share them in the

comment section below.

Taking the time to make others feel good may be one of the most gratifying things you do;

youll experience great rewards when you are the one responsible for positive changes in

someones overall demeanor and attitude.

About the Author:Todd Smithis a successful entrepreneur of 30 years and founder ofLittle

Things Matter.To receive Todds daily lessons,subscribe here. All Todds lessons are alsoavailable on iTunes asdownloadable podcasts.(Todds podcasts are ranked #27 inAmericas top

100 podcastsand #1 in the personal and development field.)

http://www.littlethingsmatter.com/blog/2010/08/18/10-ways-to-make-people-feel-good/

50 Simple Ways to Make Others Feel Special

Photo byJUCO

ByDaniel Wong

It is the quality of our relationships that most determines our legacy.

James M. Kouzes

A few years ago, I received a long personal email from a close friend. It was an especially hectictime for me, so I only got around to replying three weeks later.

I began my email: Im sorryfor the delayed response. I didnt have time In a moment of

painfulclarity, I caught myself in the middle of a lie and stopped typing.Didnt have time? Thatsimply wasnt true!
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We always make time for the things that are important to us: eating, showering, Facebook,

watching our favorite TV shows. If we dont make time for something, its probably because that

something isnt actually as important to us as we profess.

If someone were to ask us what we value most, Im sure that our relationships with our friends

and family would come in close to the top of the list. But for most of usmyself includedtheway we allocate our time doesnt always reflect this.

At some level, we all know that the way we spend our time reveals our priorities, much morethan merely what we say or think.

Maybe its true that we dont always have the luxury of writing frequent, long personal emails,

but we can all make a more conscious effort to show people that they matter and that theyre

special.

Ive come up with a list of 50 simple ways to make someone feel special. (To avoid writing he

or she repeatedly, Ill assume that the person is female.) Here they are:

1. Make a note of the important events in her life and ask her how the events went.2. Give her a specific andgenuine compliment.3. Praise her in front of other people.4. In a group setting, ask her to tell her favorite story.5. If shes telling a story to a group and she gets cut off for some reason, be the first person

to ask her to continue telling it.6. Ignore her tiredness. Nobody wants to be told that they have dark rings under their eyes

or that they look like they just woke up.

7. After meeting someone new, follow up the next day with an email or handwritten note.8.

When you first call her on the phone, ask if its a good time for her to talk.9. If, while talking on the phone, you hear something going on in the background, ask her ifshe needs to attend to it.

10.Dont multi-task while youre on the phone. Shell be able to tell.11.Send her alink to an articlethat you think would interest her.12.Write her a thank-you note.13.Connect her with someone else you know who might be able to help her.14.Wait for a full second or two before replying to something she says. This shows that your

response is a thoughtful one.

15.Dont play with your cell phone while youre with her. At the very least, put your phoneon the table with the screen facing down.

16.If youre working at your laptop when she comes to talk to you, close your laptop. If youcant do that for some reason, at least make it clear that she has your undivided attention.

17.Buy her a gift for no apparent reason.18.Write a blog post and dedicate it to her.19.When shes explaining her problem to you, listen intently without offering any solutions

or advice.

20.Never tell her that she shouldnt feel that way. This invalidates her feelings.21.Give her a big smile when you see her. Show her that her presence makes your day.
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22.Tell her Good job! when she does something well.23.Tell her youre proud of her.24.Ask her to teach you something.25.Remember the names of the people close to her.26.Ask her for advice or for her opinion.27.

Brag about her even when she isnt there. Word will get around.28.Never say I told you so.

29.When youve made a mistake,admit it immediately.30.When she asks you about your day, provide some details.31.Call if youre going to be late to meet her.32.Dont compare her with anyone else, especially not to her face.33.Ask about her family.34.Ask her how she feels about an event or situation.35.Tell her that you believe in her.36.Notice when she changes something about her physical appearance.37.Include her in a group conversation.38.

If theres an inside joke that she doesnt understand, explain it to her. 39.When shes right about something, let herknow.

40.Dont give her any advice unless she specifically asks for it.41.Ask her open-ended questions.42.Ask her about her dreams.43.Share your dreams with her.44.Share your fears and insecurities with her.45.Never say I understand exactly how you feel. You dont.46.Dont judge her dreams, ideas or opinions.47.When you introduce her, say something kind about her accomplishments and about your

friendship.

48.Tell her how she has made a difference in your life.49.Bring up a unique shared memory.50.Celebrate her successes.

People dont just matter if they have something to offer us. They dont just matter if we stand to

benefit from the relationship. They dont just matter if theyre a good contact to have.

They just do.

Life is all about relationships, so lets make a conscious effort every day to make others feel

special. After all, a strong relationship isnt built in a day; its built day by day.

How to Make People Feel Good

Edited by Nicole Willson, Flickety, Maluniu, PeacenFun! and 14 others

23

Article
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EditDiscuss

All people have one thing in common. We all want to be liked. We are an extremely ego drivenrace, however we have a strong need to have the approval from others. To make people feel

good, you don't have to go out of your way and you don't have to even like the person. Here are

several steps you can take to make a person feel good.

Edit Steps

1. 1Use a person's name. People tend to feel good when they hear their name. Sometimes

people also love friendly nicknames-for example: if they love football,you canacknowledge that by calling them "Footy Queen/King"! Unless they wouldn't appreciate

that, and you know that already. Then just say their real name.

2. 2Ask the person to teach you something. People always feel good about themselveswhen they are teaching people - and when the person gets it right its great!
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3. 3Compliment a person. Even if you hate a person, you can always find one thing that youlike about them. It could be the car they drive or the watch they wear.
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4. 4Listen and repeat back bits of what they just said. This will show them that you arereally listening. All too often we want people to hear us. Most often we want to impose

our opinion or we want to tell a person what they should have done in a situation, or whatyou would have done. If you just listen, and I really mean really listen, not just nod and

be forming a reply in your head,people really feel good when they know someone islistening.


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5. 5Understand. If you put yourself in their position and really understand what they aresaying or going through. People feel good when they know someone understands what

they are saying.


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6. 6Smile (Seems simple enough). If you just smile at someone, it will make them feel moreat ease.


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7. 7Remember their spouse's names, or interests that they have. Then when you see themyou can ask "How is Linda?", or "still building the model boats?" Remembering

important facts about a person, makes them feel like they are special.


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8. 8Help a person. This is a pretty simple one. If someone is in need and you help them. Itwill show them that someone cares.


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9. 9Touch them with friendly hugs, kisses and more. But all of them must be natural. Feelthe beauty (think about it - it's the perfect plural!) of loving someone...


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10.10Buy them a gift to say With Love or Best Wishes or something


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11.11Make a conscious effort to soak up negative energy near you and re-radiate in a

positive way.


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Edit Tips

Remember, you always have the power to make someone feel good. Every situation and every person is different - Adjust accordingly. Always greet people warmly.

Edit Warnings

Try to do what feels natural and be as sincere as possible. This is not a guide to "kissing up". Most people will see right through you if you are not

genuine.

Attraction Principle #4Make Others

Feel Good
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People will forget what you said,

people will forget what you did,

but people will never forgethow you made them feel!

- Maya Angelou

A feeling is the most powerful motivator known to man. The feelings that we arouse in others

will directly affect how they react to us. If we create negative feelings, they will be repelled. Ourobjective however, is to attract people. We do this by making sure that every encounter leaves

the other with positive feelings. There is a three-step process that will generate positive feelings

in others. Everyone wants to be Accepted, Approved, and Appreciated.

Accept

Everyone has an in-born need to be accepted. The preponderance of gangs throughout the worldis a direct result of this need. Manyjoin gangs to find the acceptance that doesnt exist

elsewhere.

Acceptance means allowing someone to be who he or she is without rejection. We dont have to

agree with every aspect of a persons life to accept them. Allow them into your life withoutconditions. Remember, we arent perfect either. All that is required is to find some common

ground or at the least an agreement to disagree. The only person we can change is ourselves.

Giving the other person the right to be himself lets him relax when he is around us. By liking the

other person as he/she is gives them the power to change. It is about the stuff they are made ofnot the things they do or dont do.

Acceptance is like a shot of self-confidence that empowers us to become better.

Approve

Approval goes beyond acceptance in that we accept the other person with all their faults andshortcomings and still afford them our friendship, while concentrating on their positive points.

Approval finds something in the other person that we can like.

All are hungry for approval. It doesnt have to be a big thing, just find something you like and letthat person know it. A sincere compliment for a virtue that is not obvious will work wonders.

Praise others for their hidden talents and they will glow!

Appreciate

Appreciate means to raise in value and is the opposite of depreciation, which means to lower in

value.


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We are NOT attracted to those who lower our value, but we are always looking for those who

raise our value.

In each encounter, take a moment to consider how valuable that person is to you. Next find little

ways to let that person know that you value them. Remember, in each interaction, its not about

you. People are the most important and valuable things on earth.

Here are some tips:

1.Dont keep people waiting.

2.Thank people.

3.Treat each person as someone special

All of us want to be treated as if we were kings or queens. We want to be acknowledged as one

who is unique, one who has something positive and wonderful to the situation. Never deal withanyone as if they were just a part of a group. The world is populated with persons, not people.

Nature teaches us that we can attract more flies with honey than with vinegar. When we begin to

put out the sweet nectar of accept, approve, appreciate, persons will flock to us.

How to Be Charming

Edited by Ambrozine Santiago, biuealien, Ben Rubenstein, Brett and 141 others

28Article

EditDiscuss

Charm is the art of having an attractive personality. This characteristic can be achieved only over

a period of time. While everyone is born with differing amounts of natural charm, much can be

acquired and honed through practice andpatience. As withdancing, the more you practice, thebetter you will become.

EditSteps

1. 1Be genuinely interested in people. You don't have to love everyone, but you should be

curious or fascinated by people in some way. If you're empathic, maybe you're interested

in how people feel. Or you could be interested in how people work (psychology), or what

people know (if you're an avid learner). Learn how toask questionsbased on yourinterests whilebeing polite(i.e. without prying) and others will feel they are interesting.
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2. 2Remember people's names when you meet them for the first time. This takes anenormous amount of effort for most people. When introducing yourself, repeating the

person's name will help you to remember it. For example: "Hi, Jack, I'm Wendy." Follow

through with small talk and use the person's name during your conversation. Repeat itonce more when you say goodbye. Repeating someone's name is not just about helping

you to remember that person. The more often you say someone's name, the more that

person will feel that you like them and the greater the chance they'll warm up to you.

3. 3Assume rapport. This simply means talking to a stranger or a newly met acquaintance in

a very friendly manner, as if the person is a long lost friend or relative. This helps break

down an initial awkwardness and speeds up the warm-up process when meeting newpeople. Soon, people feel more welcomed and comfortable around you.
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o Kindness, coupled with respect, makes others feel as if they are loved and caredfor. This is a powerful tool during interaction.

4. 4Smile with your eyes. Scientists have pinpointed more than 50 types of smiles, and

research suggests that the sincerest smile of all is theDuchenne smile - a smile that

pushes up into the eyes.[1]

The reason it's more genuine is because the muscles needed tosmile with our eyes are involuntary; they only become engaged in an authentic smile, not

in a courtesy smile.[2]Also, if you look at someone and then smile, it will instantly charmthem.

5. 5Take into account topics that interest those around you, even if you're not so keen

on them. If you're in a sporty crowd, talk about last night's game or the meteoric rise of anew team. If you're with a group of hobbyists, ask about their hobbies and make pertinent

remarks related to fishing, knitting, mountain climbing, movies, etc. Nobody expects you

to be an expert. Sometimes you can build rapport just by asking questions, and not caring

if you seem naive. There are people who like talking about and explaining their interests,

and will like you for listening. It is your level of interest and willingness to engage intopics that makes you an interesting person to be around. Exercise an open mind. Letothers do the explaining. If someone mistakenly thinks you know more about the topic,

be genuine and simply say that your knowledge is limited but that you're hoping to learnmore about it.

6. 6
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Control your tone of voice. The tone of your voice is crucial. Voice should be gentle

and peaceful. Articulate, speak clearly, and project your voice. When you say "You look

nice today", it should be in the exact same tone that you would use to say "It's a niceday." Any variation from your normal tone will arouse suspicion about your sincerity.

Practice giving compliments into a recorder and play it back. Does it sound sincere?

Practice until you get it right.

7. 7Watch the way you phrase things. Be mature and have a touch of wise, polite language.

Don't you find people that say "Hello" are much more charming than people that mutter

"'Sup"? Here is another example: Change "It's none of his beeswax!" to "It shouldn't beany of his concern." Of course, don't overdo it, but try to be polite and turn every

negative into a positive. It will really give you charm.

8. 8Issue compliments generously; this especially raises others' self esteem. Pick out

something that you appreciate in any situation and verbally express that appreciation. If

you like something or someone, find a creative way to say it and say it immediately. Ifyou wait too long, it may be viewed as insincere and badly timed, especially if others

have beaten you to it. Because you waited, you are most likely not confident in sayingwhat you thought; waiting will result in a less than enthusiastic presentation. If you notice

that someone is putting a lot of effort into something, compliment them, even if you feel

that there is room for improvement. If you notice that someone has changed somethingabout themselves (haircut, manner of dress, etc.), notice it and point out something you
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like about it. If you're asked directly, be charming and deflect the question with a very

general compliment.

9. 9Be gracious in accepting compliments. Get out of the habit of assuming that acompliment is being given without genuine intent. Even when someone makes a

compliment out of contempt, there is always a germ of jealous truth hiding in their own

heart. Be effusive in accepting the compliment. Go beyond a mere "Thank you" andenjoin this with "I'm glad you like it," or "It is so kind of you to have noticed." These are

compliments in return.

o Avoid backhanding a compliment. There is nothing worse to a personcomplimenting than to receive the response "Oh well, I wish I were as ______ as

you in that situation." This is tantamount to saying, "No, I am not what you aresaying I am; your judgment is wrong."

10.10Praise others instead ofgossiping. If you're speaking with someone or you're talking in

a group of people, and up pops the subject of another person in a positive or negativeway, be the one to mention something you like about that person. Kind hearsay is the

most powerful tool in gaining charm because it is always viewed as 100 percent sincere.It has the added benefit of creating trust in you. The idea will spread that you never have

a bad word to say about anyone. Everyone will know that their reputation is safe with

you.

11.11
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Sometimes being charming is about simply being a good listener. Charm isn't always

an outward expression, but an inward one too. Engage the other person to talk more about

his or herself, about something that they like, something they're passionate about, aboutthemselves. This makes the other person more comfortable to share and express

themselves with you.

Edit Tips

Be yourself and try adding your personality to the conversation but do not just talk aboutyourself. That would make you seem egocentric and uninterested in the other person's

feelings.

Improve your posture. Throw those shoulders back and let them drop (relax). When youwalk, imagine you're crossing a finish line; the first part of your body to cross should be

your torso, not your head. If you have poor posture, your head will be pushed forward,which makes you seem timid and insecure.(If you're female, push your breasts forward.

Sounds odd but it has helped me learn proper posture)

o If forcing good posture doesn't look right, strengthen your muscles. These wouldinclude your upper back (traps & lats), shoulders, and chest. Your neck will fall

into place and your posture will be perfect naturally. Empathy is at the core of charm. If you can't tell what makes people happy or unhappy,

you have no way to assess whether you are saying the right or wrong thing.

Be kind and gentle; not loud and rude! Also, when you greet someone, make them feel they are the most important person to

you. They will respond more nicely and always know what a great person you are.
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Do not assume that you have the right to include yourself in a conversation that is notaddressed to you or you know nothing about. Expressing your opinion when it hasn't

been asked for just demonstrates arrogance and immaturity.

Smile at people you meet. Do not avoid eye contact. Look into their eyes when you talk to them.

Always be you. If people like a fake you then you'll twist yourself a web of lies and whenit falls apart you'll be left with nothing but angry and hateful people.

The degree of charm that you possess depends on the creativity of your praise. Saysomething that is not immediately obvious and say it in a poetic way. It's good to have

some premeditated compliments and phrases but the most charming people are able toinvent them on the spot. This way, you can be sure that you are not repeating it. If you

can't think of anything to say, bring up a current event that is interesting.

Behave honestly; being honest will add points in front of others. Put some humor in the things you say. Most people love a person who can make them

laugh.

Do not always give advice unless asked. This comes off as being big headed.

Add a bit of humor to your conversation, but keep it civil. Cursing is something to avoid doing; it puts a lot of people off, and it won't make you

seem like a charming person.

Have a soft voice, not loud. Try things you normally wouldn't do! Try standing to the right of a person when you talk to them. Always be there for them. Help them with things and give them presents when they are

sad. Keep something too cheer them up with you :) .

Show fewer tips

Edit Warnings Be patient. Something may be obvious to you but not so simple to others. Understand that

and help them out.

Every so often you will have no choice but to express an opinion that few others hold.That is fine. Consider expressing it in a humorous way. Humor is the spoonful of sugar

that helps the medicine go down.

Don't confuse being charming with being a people pleaser.

7 Tips for Making Other People Feel Smart and Insightful

Gretchen Rubin| May 18, 2013 |Living
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Print

We all want to get along well with other people, and one way to do this is to help people feel

good about themselves. If you make a person feel smart and insightful, that person will enjoy

your company. The point is not to be manipulative but to help other people feel good about theircontributions to a conversation.
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on.com/submit?url=http://www.positivelypositive.com/2013/05/18/7-tips-for-making-other-people-feel-smart-and-insightful/&title=7%20Tips%20for%20Making%20Other%20People%20Feel%20Smart%20and%20Insightfulhttp://reddit.com/submit?url=http://www.positivelypositive.com/2013/05/18/7-tips-for-making-other-people-feel-smart-and-insightful/&title=7%20Tips%20for%20Making%20Other%20People%20Feel%20Smart%20and%20Insightfulhttp://www.tumblr.com/share?v=3&u=http://www.positivelypositive.com/2013/05/18/7-tips-for-making-other-people-feel-smart-and-insightful/&t=7%20Tips%20for%20Making%20Other%20People%20Feel%20Smart%20and%20Insightful&s=If%20you%20make%20a%20person%20feel%20smart%20and%20insightful,%20that%20person%20will%20enjoy%20your%20company.%20The%20point%20is%20not%20to%20be%20manipulative%20but%20to%20help%20other%20people%20feel%20good%20about%20their%20contributions%20to%20a%20conversation.mailto:?subject=7%20Tips%20for%20Making%20Other%20People%20Feel%20Smart%20and%20Insightful&body=http://www.positivelypositive.com/2013/05/18/7-tips-for-making-other-people-feel-smart-and-insightful/http://www.printfriendly.com/http://www.linkedin.com/shareArticle?mini=true&url=http://www.positivelypositive.com/2013/05/18/7-tips-for-making-other-people-feel-smart-and-insightful/&title=7%20Tips%20for%20Making%20Other%20People%20Feel%20Smart%20and%20Insightful&source=Positively+Positive+Your+Attitude+++Your+Choices+=+Your+Life&summary=If%20you%20make%20a%20person%20feel%20smart%20and%20insightful,%20that%20person%20will%20enjoy%20your%20company.%20The%20point%20is%20not%20to%20be%20manipulative%20but%20to%20help%20other%20people%20feel%20good%20about%20their%20contributions%20to%20a%20conversation.http://digg.com/submit?phase=2&url=http://www.positivelypositive.com/2013/05/18/7-tips-for-making-other-people-feel-smart-and-insightful/&title=7%20Tips%20for%20Making%20Other%20People%20Feel%20Smart%20and%20Insightful&bodytext=If%20you%20make%20a%20person%20feel%20smart%20and%20insightful,%20that%20person%20will%20enjoy%20your%20company.%20The%20point%20is%20not%20to%20be%20manipulative%20but%20to%20help%20other%20people%20feel%20good%20about%20their%20contributions%20to%20a%20conversation.http://www.stumbleupon.com/submit?url=http://www.positivelypositive.com/2013/05/18/7-tips-for-making-other-people-feel-smart-and-insightful/&title=7%20Tips%20for%20Making%20Other%20People%20Feel%20Smart%20and%20Insightfulhttp://reddit.com/submit?url=http://www.positivelypositive.com/2013/05/18/7-tips-for-making-other-people-feel-smart-and-insightful/&title=7%20Tips%20for%20Making%20Other%20People%20Feel%20Smart%20and%20Insightfulhttp://www.tumblr.com/share?v=3&u=http://www.positivelypositive.com/2013/05/18/7-tips-for-making-other-people-feel-smart-and-insightful/&t=7%20Tips%20for%20Making%20Other%20People%20Feel%20Smart%20and%20Insightful&s=If%20you%20make%20a%20person%20feel%20smart%20and%20insightful,%20that%20person%20will%20enjoy%20your%20company.%20The%20point%20is%20not%20to%20be%20manipulative%20but%20to%20help%20other%20people%20feel%20good%20about%20their%20contributions%20to%20a%20conversation.mailto:?subject=7%20Tips%20for%20Making%20Other%20People%20Feel%20Smart%20and%20Insightful&body=http://www.positivelypositive.com/2013/05/18/7-tips-for-making-other-people-feel-smart-and-insightful/http://www.printfriendly.com/http://www.linkedin.com/shareArticle?mini=true&url=http://www.positivelypositive.com/2013/05/18/7-tips-for-making-other-people-feel-smart-and-insightful/&title=7%20Tips%20for%20Making%20Other%20People%20Feel%20Smart%20and%20Insightful&source=Positively+Positive+Your+Attitude+++Your+Choices+=+Your+Life&summary=If%20you%20make%20a%20person%20feel%20smart%20and%20insightful,%20that%20person%20will%20enjoy%20your%20company.%20The%20point%20is%20not%20to%20be%20manipulative%20but%20to%20help%20other%20people%20feel%20good%20about%20their%20contributions%20to%20a%20conversation.http://digg.com/submit?phase=2&url=http://www.positivelypositive.com/2013/05/18/7-tips-for-making-other-people-feel-smart-and-insightful/&title=7%20Tips%20for%20Making%20Other%20People%20Feel%20Smart%20and%20Insightful&bodytext=If%20you%20make%20a%20person%20feel%20smart%20and%20insightful,%20that%20person%20will%20enjoy%20your%20company.%20The%20point%20is%20not%20to%20be%20manipulative%20but%20to%20help%20other%20people%20feel%20good%20about%20their%20contributions%20to%20a%20conversation.http://www.stumbleupon.com/submit?url=http://www.positivelypositive.com/2013/05/18/7-tips-for-making-other-people-feel-smart-and-insightful/&title=7%20Tips%20for%20Making%20Other%20People%20Feel%20Smart%20and%20Insightfulhttp://reddit.com/submit?url=http://www.positivelypositive.com/2013/05/18/7-tips-for-making-other-people-feel-smart-and-insightful/&title=7%20Tips%20for%20Making%20Other%20People%20Feel%20Smart%20and%20Insightfulhttp://www.tumblr.com/share?v=3&u=http://www.positivelypositive.com/2013/05/18/7-tips-for-making-other-people-feel-smart-and-insightful/&t=7%20Tips%2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Here are some suggestions

1. Take notes. Im acompulsive note-taker, and I used to feel self-conscious about pulling outmy little notebook and taking notes during a casual conversation. Then I noticed that people

really seemed to enjoy it; the fact that I was taking notes made their remarks seem particularly

insightful or valuable. Now I dont hold myself back.

2. Refer to a comment that the person made earlier in the conversation. This ties to your

earlier point about This reference shows a person that youre tracking and remembering theircomments very closely. And give people credit for their ideas! The terrificRamit Sethi gave me

the idea for this post. Relatedly

3. If a person doesnt finish a thought, ask him or her to pick it up again. You said there

were two reasons, but we didnt get to the second reason.

4.Use the persons namejudiciously. Perhaps its the influence ofHow to Win Friends and

Influence People, but some folks seem to think that throwing names around is always a winningmove. I think its much more complicated than that. Sometimes, when someone uses my name, Ifeel as though Im being manipulated or chided or patronized. But in the right context, it can add

a very nice note.

5. As people talk about things theyve done,take note of evidence of their admirablequalitiesjust in a word or two. That must have taken a lot of research. You showed a lot of

initiative in starting that. When someone mentions a fact from the past, my father-in-law oftenremarks, Youve got a good memory. Its surprisingly gratifying.

6. Ask for advice. We all love to give advice and feel smart when someone seeks our counsel.

Even better

7. Takesomeones advice! If you read a book that someone recommends, use a softwareprogram that someone suggests, or try a restaurant that someone loves, that person will feel

brilliant. In conversation, Im always making recommendations, such asInform Fitness gym,

where I go for strength-training, and Gary Taubess bookWhy We Get Fat, and I feelenormously pleased when someone follows my suggestions.

What have I left out? What are some other ways to make people feel smart and insightful?

How to Use Charisma to Make People Feel Good

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Charisma is essentially your ability to make people like you and, at the same time, to make them

like and feel good about themselves. Words dont cost a nickel, and if you use them properly,they are powerful affirmations that give you personal appeal. Here are some ways to work that

charisma!
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Everything Is In a Name

Weak:Good morning.

Powerful:Good morning, Andy. (With a smile.)

Instead of mumbling a good morning to someone, wear a smile, speak clearly and confidently,

and use the persons name. In fact, remember as many peoples names as you can. A personsname is the most important word he hears every day. And most people dont hear their own

names enough.

The converse is true as well: over the years, the people I have considered the most miserable and

personably dislikable were those who didnt smile or who looked the other way when I said

hello. Maybe they were perfectly fine human beings who preferred to keep to themselves. But

they held little positive sway over me or anyone else.

Show Your Faith

Weak:Get it done.

Powerful:I have faith in your ability, and I know youll make this happen.

I have been redirected by many a boss over the years. Most times I had it coming. But even so,

most times I also left the encounter upset, my bruised ego hurting, and my defense mechanisms

smoking after being fully engaged.

There are, however, those times when I left feeling a little less bruised and a lot more

encouraged. Those are the times the boss ended by saying that she had overriding faith in myabilities and my professionalism.

What a nice way to end any sort of talk, whether its disciplinary, motivational, or otherwise.Tell someone that you have faith in her and that you know, when all is said and done, that she

will come through for you.

Tell Them You Need Them

Weak:Get it done.

Powerful:Im counting on you.

Instead of begging, nagging, or ordering someone to do something, why not instead tell him that

you need him? People like to be needed, and they enjoy feeling appreciated. When someone says

I need you, or Im counting on you, the implication is that you have something, no matterhow seemingly minor, that few others can readily provide. It creates a wonderful feeling of self-

worth.


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If youre counting on someone to make something happen, dont downplay your sole

dependence on him. Tell him his services are unique. (Of course, if hes got you over a barrel,

you had better find someone else with a similar skill.) His feeling of merit is likely to prompthim to get the job done.

Focus on Responsibility, Not Difficulty

Weak:Youll have to accomplish this menial task before I trust you with more difficult ones.

Powerful:This is too important a responsibility for just anyone.

Along the lines of telling someone that youre counting on him, as mentioned previously,

emphasize the importance of a responsibilityevery timeover the amount or level of difficulty

involved.

Yes, maybe your child wants to bake using the oven before he knows how to boil water. But if

youre prepping dinner together, dont say, Hey, you gotta learn to boil water before you turnthat oven on. Instead, stress the necessity of the boiled water for the entire meal, and make that

task important. Eventually hell understand the small cooking tasks and move up to the more

involved ones. And then hell become a young adult and youll never see him in the kitchen

again.

Respect Their Opinion

Weak:Excuse me while I get an expert opinion.

Powerful:May I ask your opinion?

Dont simply recognize the unique skills that people bring to the table (although its importantthat you do recognize them). Recognize those things that they bring to the table same as

everyone else, but maybe from a different perspective. People generally are a lot smarter than

you think they are, and all kinds of people in the workplace notice all kinds of things that youmight be missing.

Ask an accountant about the type of copier youre thinking of purchasing. Ask a cab driver about

politics. Ask the person who answers the phones about the lighting in the office. Youll be

surprised to find important, useful information from all of them. And youll be one step ahead by

holding a different perspective or a counterintuitive point of view.

Use Would Instead of Can

Weak:Can you help me?

Powerful:Would you please help me?


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According to relationship expert John Gray (who wrote the series ofMen Are from Mars, Women

Are from Venusbooks), men dont like to be asked, Can you help me? Gray argues that a man

innately and subliminally thinks that hes simply being asked about his abilities and not for afavorand no matter how many times a woman might keep asking or dropping a hint, it doesnt

fully register with the man!

Dont ask either a man or a woman can you?; askwould you? instead. And throw aplease in

there to boot. Whether or not it has to do with our mental networking doesnt really matter. If

would you? gets more results than does can you? (and I argue that it does), and ifwould you?sounds more polite than can you? (and I argue that it does), then say would you? when asking for

something. Its effortless, and it carries more impact.

Note the Effort

Weak:Good job.

Powerful:Well done!

More powerful:It looks like you put a lot of effort into that project.

The phrase good job, while appreciated, seems a bit clichd these daysempty, like the phrase

how ydoing? or have a nice day.

I suggest that the phrase well done is fresh enough to carry a more powerful impact. A

complete sentence, with a verb and subject, carries even further. Hey, you put a lot of hard work

into that assignment. Way to go!

Offer Thanks and Thanks Again

Weak:Thanks.

Powerful:Thanks, Jim. I appreciate your time. (And maybe a quick, handwritten thank-you

note to back it up.)

When you offer thanks, offer it from the heart. Look the person in the eye. Thank him for his

time and energy. Use his first name. The more you convey your gratitude, the more likely hell

work hard for you the next time around.

Use these simple techniques you will be winning people over in no time!

FromThe Complete Idiots Guide to Power Wordsby Scott Snair, Ph.D.

11 Ways to Make Someone Smile and Brighten Their Whole

Day
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inShare37

photo credit: *spud*

Has a stranger ever done something that made your whole day look brighter? Perhaps they

opened the door at the bank for you or let you go ahead of them in the queue? Remember howgood it made you feel?

Making someone smile and brightening their day is one of the most generous things you can

do. It has a ripple effect that touches the whole community; if you are nice to someone it is likely

they will be nice to someone as well. In this post I want to show you some simple ways to make

someone smile today.

Why bother trying to make people smile?

As I said in the opening paragraph the act of making someone smile touches the entire

community. Try to think back to when someone last did something that made you smile or

brightened your day? Do you remember how it made you feel happy and less stressed? Do youremember how it allowed you to be more friendly with your workmates, friends and family? A

simple smile or friendly gesture by that stranger had an effect on your whole world, even if only

for a few hours. It rippled through the people in your life. Quite amazing when you think aboutit.
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So we know that making someone smile can change the whole community. But what else can it

do? Why else should we bother trying to make people smile? Well there are a lot of reasons

actually.

Firstly, it makes you feel good about yourself. When you make someone happy you really feel

like you have done something good. So making other people happy makes you happier.Secondly, it is healthy. If you smile at someone and make them smile you are actively causing

chemicals to be released in to your body that battle stress and cause feelings of joy. This is good.

Making other people smile benefits both yourself and others.

Why is it generous?

As I said before, making someone smile is one of the most generous things you can do. Thereason for this is simple: when you smile at someone or brighten their day you give somethingof yourself. You are putting aside your own selfish needs and wants for a moment to make

someone else feel good.

And this is extremely generous.

Think about a man opening the door for a lady. This practice is about manners and being a

gentleman but it is also about generosity. You are doing something for someone because it helpsthem. It is a small act but it can change someones entire day. In fact, it might change someones

entire perceptions! Imagine if the lady you opened the door for felt badly about men. She may

have had a few bad experiences with men lately and decided that they were all jerks. But you justopened the door for her. Now her mind might shift. It might not shift entirely but it might open

up a little bit to the possibility that maybe there are some good men out there.

Making someone else smile or brightening their day is all about putting them before you. Whenyou engage in this type or practice (and it is a practice) you also develop positive qualities in

your mind like patience and kindness. But the main quality that you will develop is generosity. If

you go out everyday and try to make the people around you smile you will develop the innerqualities of a very generous person. This is one of the most respectable and admirable qualities a

person can posses.


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11 ways to make someone smile and brighten their whole day

photo credit: mactiste

Here are some simple and easy ways to make the people around you smile or brighten their day.

They are small acts that have big effects.

1. Smile firstThe easiest and possibly the most effective way to get someone to smile is to smile at them first.

People dont seem to do this anymore. I remember when I was a kid walking through the parkwith my family and everyone would smile at each other and say hello. Now people sort of just

power walk through the park and avert their eyes when they get near you. Perhaps it is becausewe have so much more fear now. I dont know. But what I do know is that if you smile at

someone first they will almost always smile back and walk away feeling happier.

2. Be chivalrousChivalry is a term dating back to the medieval knights and their values of honor, courtesy and

good manners. It is a very simple practice where you endeavor to behave in a kind and courteousway to the people around you and especially to members of the opposite sex. A typical example

would be holding the door open for someone or standing up to greet someone when they meet

you for lunch. Again, it is easy to do but makes people feel really good.

3. Be self deprecatingSelf deprecation is one of the best ways to make friends and make people smile. People love it

when someone makes self deprecating jokes because it makes them seem less arrogant and moreapproachable. The best comedians are those who use this style of self deprecation to interact with

the audience.
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But remember, this is supposed to make people smile, not make them feel sorry for you. Self

deprecation is not about going into a bar and telling everyone how shit your life it. It is more

about being able to make fun of yourself and take yourself a little less seriously. For example, ifyou slip over at a restaurant and make a big mess you might make a quick joke like it was

like that when I got here instead of getting all angry and serious and trying to blame someone

or something around you. People hate that.

4. ListenWhen someone is talking to you listen to them. Dont just sit there waiting for your turn to talk.Actually listen. This is one of the best ways to make people feel good about themselves.

The classic bookHow to Win Friends and Influence People talks about how important it is to begenuinely interested in people if you want them to like you. The reason this makes people like

you is because it makes them feel good about themselves. The book talks about how people

perceive someone as interesting if they sit there and listen to you talk. People dont care if you

arm wrestled Darth Vader on the top of the Egyptian Pyramidsthey want you to listen to their

stories.

5. Surprise someoneHave you ever brought flowers home for your wife or girlfriend because it was a Wednesday?

Not Valentines Day that fell on a Wednesday, just because it was Wednesday? Surprising

someone for no particular reason other than to make the person smile is a fantastic way tobrighten someones day.

6. Take on some workQuite often the reason someone is angry is because of their work. It might be a deadline at the

office or it might be the pile of dirty clothes in the laundry. And quite often you can reverse that

persons mood and make them smile by taking on some of their work.

If you have a few spare minutes at the office you might want to volunteer to run some errands for

a person who is struggling. Or you might want to do the dishes even though it is not your turn. Alittle extra work can often really brighten someones day.

7. Be humbleI am always shocked at how much a truly humble person can improve my day. Their inner

warmth seems to radiate outwards and makes you feel protected and comfortable. Humility is

truly a great quality. Let me give you an example:

The other day I went to the shop to buy a coffee and the man serving me was extremely humble.

He asked about my day,

get anyone to like you

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