family times auckland autumn 2015

A news magazine and online resource for families www.familytimes.co.nz Win with Us on Facebook

8 Win Win WinCompetitions, giveaways

and kids’ games6 Step-parenting

Create your own role within the family

4 My child is a bullyDealing with disgraceful

behaviour

AUCKLAND / ISSUE 42 / Autumn 2015

ISSN

23

24

-44

88

(Prin

t)IS

SN 2

32

4-4

49

6 (O

nlin

e)

2 www.familytimes.co.nz

Step back in time & experience the past!

Experience a “Live Day” every third Sunday of each month (excl. Dec) where the museum comes to life and you can chat to costumed staff!

Ask about our “Mad Hatters” birthday parties or school educational visits.

For more information visit www.fencible.org.nz Email: [email protected] 09-576 9506

Mention this ad and get

$5 off your next

family visit!

Old MacDonald had a farm... eee iii eee iii ooo!... and now YOU can visit one too!

Bring the whole family!

• Cuddle and pat our baby animals in the nursery shed

• Explore the farm walk

• Hand-feed our farm animals

• Horse and pony rides

There is lots to do here at Kiwi Valley Farm Park – visit our website to see what else we offer! www.kiwivalley.co.nz

Follow us on Facebook for special events and offers!

HOURS: Wed~Sun 10am~4pm (Last entry: 3pm), OPEN 7 DAYS DURING SCHOOL HOLIDAYS

308 Henderson Valley Rd, Henderson Valley Auckland. Ph: 09-837 2952

• Tractor rides (weather permitting)

• Get lost in the maze

• Bring a picnic or enjoy our on-site Pukeko Café

Bring this coupon and receive ONE FREE* CHILD ENTRY

for every paying child.* Free child entry of equal or lesser value

www.odysseysensorymaze.co.nz

Party in Space!

Blast off into space

for your next

birthday party!

09 624 1246 / STARDOME.ORG.NZ / [email protected]

Head to Stardome for a birthday adventure that’s truly out of this world. Includes a planetarium show, private room hire, a fully equipped catering kitchen and unlimited access to our space gallery and exhibits.

Paint your own ceramic studioPlates Bowls Mugs Platters Tiles

Open MONDAY TO SATURDAY BY APPOINTMENT

Call Nicola 5219125, 28 Temple Street, MEADOWBANK

Email: [email protected] www.paintcreate.co.nz

BRUSH ON

FUN FOR

EVERYONE

• Individuals

• Groups

• Families

• Friends

• Birthday Parties • Hen Parties • Baby Hand/Footprints • Coffee Groups

• Holiday Fun • Family Fun • Personalised Gifts • Workplace • Corporates

• Team Building • Tile Murals • Schools • Studio and Mobile Service

School Holiday Performing Arts Workshop Students aged 5-15 years

NARTZ SH WWHERE FAME BEGINS

EAST AUCKLAND: 7 - 10 April at Howick CollegeAUCKLAND CBD: 7 - 10 April at Epsom Girls Grammar

The April Workshop is:

Phone: 0800 ONSHOW (667469) Email: [email protected] www.artzonshow.co.nzEnrol NOW

NORTH SHORE: 13 - 17 April at Westlake Boys High School

SEUSSSEUSSThe IncrediblyWonderful

WackyWorld of

The IncrediblyWonderful

WackyWorld of


inside this issue

ContentsI was staggered when I read the statistic that as many as one in four New Zealand families are blended families.

Then my next thought was; why is there not more material available for step-

parents, and a greater focus on the specific parenting challenges that come with being a step-parent?Parenting itself has challenges. But step-parenting comes with a whole other set of baggage, whether the situation comes about through separation of biological parents, or death of a spouse. Having not been a step-parent myself, I can’t write from personal experience. I have, however, been a stepchild of sorts, at least when visiting my father who remarried a lovely woman who already had children of her own. In some ways, there was not so much pressure on that situation because it was always a temporary visit and I liked my father’s wife, but there was still definitely that feeling of, “where do I fit in this family,” and “these kids are not entitled to my dad’s time.” Of course, kids’ brains are not fully developed at a young age and able to process the situation from a logical perspective. Therefore, their actions are often purely from a self-preservation perspective and steeped in emotions that they may not be able to fully label or express. As such, they don’t appreciate the immense challenges that the situation presents for the step-parent. But that’s the thing about being the adult – you get to take all the responsibility and in return may receive belligerence, the silent treatment, or the dreaded, “you’re not my

real mother,” (or father, as the case may be.)What I have learned through writing our main feature article about step-parenting this issue is that step-parenting is a very different experience for everyone. Some become step-parents when the child is quite young, and the adjustment isn’t as difficult. Some are lucky enough to be in a situation where the biological parents’ split was reasonably amicable, and there is not the same resentment from the biological mother toward the step-mother, or biological father toward the step-father. Stereotypes, of any sort, simply don’t cut it when it comes to step-parenting.For an insight into a step-parents’ world, and some great expert advice, check out our step-parenting article this issue. Plus keep turning those pages for more parenting, health and education articles, as well as lots of opportunities to win with our competitions and giveaways. Enjoy.

From the editorFeatures4 My child is a bully Practical tips on how to change your

child’s bullying behaviour.

6 Step-parenting Forge your own role as a step-parent.11 Autumn camping spots The Department of Conservation recom-

mends stunning autumn vistas.12 Birthdays The battle to keep up with the Jones.12 Preteen corner Eva-Maria talks step-parenting tips to win

preteens.13 Quality time How to make family time in a busy world.

14 Bonding with your baby Parent-baby attachment isn’t always an

automatic experience. 15 Reengaging kids in maths How to bring out the maths whiz in your

child

Kids Corner8 Kids’ corner Competitions, games and reviews.

Resource information10 Calendar of events10 Entertainment

6

Distribution Printed and distributed quarterly approximately two weeks before each major school holiday. 59,089 distributed through early childhood centres, primary, intermediate schools and city council libraries. The opinions expressed in this publication are not those of the publisher unless indicated otherwise. No part of this publication may be reprinted without the expressed written permission of the publisher. Family Times is not responsible for unsolicited material. Family Times is funded and published solely through the support of its advertisers. They support us, please support them.

Reach us at:

Family Publishers (NZ) P.O. Box 36-004, Christchurch 8146, NZPh. 03-355-9186 0800285 510 Fax: 03 3559 183 Mobile. 0274-359-414

[email protected] www.familytimes.co.nz

Publisher Robyn WillisDesign & Production Moody Shokry

Advert Production Target Press Production Office

Editor Vanessa O’Brien Digital Editors Kate Gorman

& Geni McCallum

Media Executives Shona Robb, Nicky Barnett, Naomh Cusin,

Penny Leary, Olwyn Knowler, Michaela Bolster, Rachel Lugg

Office Manager Raelyn HayExecutive Assistant Jackie Pithie

About Us

Contributing WritersMarcia Johnson

12

4


When your child is the bullyFew parents ever expect the call: your child’s school principal wants to talk to you about your child’s bullying behaviour.

For most parents, the reaction is one of disbelief, ranging from “It can’t be

my child,” to “Maybe the situation has been manipulated by the other child,” to “There must have been extreme mitigating circumstances.” Horror and embarrassment is a normal reaction according The Parenting Place creative producer and presenter John Cowan.“But not always... some parents justify their child’s actions. Some see bullying as a normal and even useful part of human life and others see the persecution as being justified. By all means, emotionally support your child but that does not mean minimising the offensiveness of bullying.”No parent wants to learn the truth that their child is displaying behaviour that belittles, hurts, or abuses other children. The situation raises fear, anxiety, and defensiveness – after all, aren’t children a reflection of their parents?Cowan says not always.“All kids make mistakes. Bullying is a mistake: it is a kid trying on a dud strategy, coupled with some immature logic and immature impulse control. Therefore, any child could be a bully.”

As kids begin school, parents are no longer the sole influence around their lives. Kids have unsupervised time with other kids, and parents are not around to witness - let alone monitor - their child’s behaviour. However, experts say that it is important not to justify your child’s behaviour because of your own fear or sense of shame or failure. There can be many reasons behind bullying behaviour that may not be self-evident from the surface. Author and educator Rosalind Wiseman, who wrote the book Queen Bees and Wannabees, which inspired the movie Mean Girls, urges parents to understand that: • Roles change. Today the bully. Tomorrow,

the bullied. Children are not fixed in their roles. Depending on the situation, children can just as easily be the bully as they can the target.

• They have a private life. Parents must assume and accept that they won’t know everything that goes on with their child.

• Kids have two sides. Children will act differently at home than they will at school.

• You’re still a good parent. There are many reasons why parents aren’t aware of their child’s inappropriate behaviour, and it’s not always because the parent is irresponsible.

So, if you’ve just received that call from the school principal, the first thing to do is to take a deep breath, take a moment to process what you’ve just heard, and be grateful that you have been alerted. That at least gives you a chance to address the issue at what is

hopefully an early stage. Cowan recommends the following course of action to take with your child:

1 Address the issue while supporting the child. Even as you are telling them off (and you should!) let them know that your main disappointment is not that they are “bad” but that you are upset because you know they are a good kid and capable of better behaviour. It may be appropriate to set penalties and wind back trust around technology that has been used for bullying but let them know, even as you are removing the trust, that you looking forward to trusting them again.

2 If the child doesn’t know already, you should leave them in no doubt that bullying is completely unacceptable. Express it in terms of rules (kids

understand rules): no hitting, no rude or threatening talk or texts, etc.

3 Displace the need for bullying by helping your child build their self esteem in healthier ways – opportunities to play to their strength, feeding back to them about their good qualities, etc.

4 Engineer opportunities for them to mix in more positive groups to form new friendships where bullying probably isn’t part of the group culture (e.g. sports, scouts, youth groups, hobby clubs etc).

5 Challenge the attitudes of intolerance that made him think the victim deserved bullying. Instead, encourage a culture of “heroism;” intervening to defend and protect in a heroic way.

6 If appropriate, seek ways that amends could be made with the victim.


Find out about the support services available to separated parents wanting to reach agreement over the care of their children.

As a separated parent, Mary wanted to make changes to the child care

arrangements she and her ex-partner John had in place for the last three years. Mary’s son was about to start primary school and she was worried that John taking over care on Monday mornings might not work because he lived some distance from the school. While Mary and John were on speaking terms, she did not feel confident raising these issues directly with him. Have you found yourself in this situation, or are you recently separated and unable to reach agreement with your ex-partner over the care arrangements for your children? While most parents are able to agree on how to look after their children, some benefit from support. A number of new services in the community to assist people to resolve their care arrangements without the need to go to court were introduced by the Government in March 2014.As a first step you may find that developing a parenting plan, in discussion with your ex-partner, is a useful process for agreeing on care arrangements. The parenting plan is a useful resource, which will help you think about all the things that may happen and help you to reach agreement. The parenting plan and other useful guides are on the Family Justice website (see below).Separating parents are also able to attend the free information programme Parenting

Through Separation, which is run by non-profit organisations throughout the country. This programme has helped thousands of families and gives practical advice to help you deal with separation and the affect it has on your children. It will also help you plan how to care for your children after you’ve separated. To find your nearest programme click on the “who can help” tab on the Family Justice website.This information and advice may be enough to reach agreement with your ex-partner on the care arrangements for your children. However, if like Mary you feel it would be helpful for a neutral professional to assist you both to reach agreement, then you may like to contact a Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) provider. The FDR provider’s role is to help you both reach an agreement on how to best care for your children. The FDR provider is not there to take sides but is there to guide you to find solutions that work for you both and work for your children. The FDR provider may also suggest you get legal advice if you haven’t already. If you are eligible, you may be able to get free advice from a Family Legal Advice Service lawyer.More than 80% of people who have gone through FDR have been able to reach agreement. FDR places less strain on your children, as it helps you keep their interests at heart and resolve issues without the stress of going to court.Alternatively, there are other public services available that can help. You can find these on the Family Justice website or you can seek advice from your local Citizens Advice Bureau. The family justice website is www.justice.govt.nz/family-justice.

Advertorial

Support for separated parents

2015/2016 primary and intermediate school term datesTerm 2, 2015Monday 20 April to Friday 3 July

Term 3, 2015Monday 20 July to Friday 25 September

Term 4, 2015Monday 12 October to no later than Friday 18 December

Term 1, 2016Between Monday 1 February and Friday 5 February to Friday 15 April2015 and 2016 secondary and composite school term datesTerm 2, 2015Monday 20 April to Friday 3 July

Term 3, 2015Monday 20 July to Friday 25 September

Term 4, 2015Monday 12 October to no later than Wednesday 16 December

Term 1, 2016Between Monday 1 February and Friday 5 February to Friday 15 April

Remaining public holidays 20153 April Good Friday6 April Easter Monday25 April ANZAC Day1 June Queen’s birthday5 October Labour Day25 December Christmas Day 26 December Boxing Day

SCHOOLTERM DATES

THE HEIGHT OF EXCITEMENT

AUCKLAND BRIDGECLIMB & BUNGY

0800 GO CLIMB www.bungy.co.nz

Special family rate of $320 for the Climb - Saving $80! *Family includes 2xAdults & 2xChildren/NZ Students. *Kids must meet the 35kg weight restriction

Now taking Term 1 enrollments for classes in ballet, jazz, tap, hip hop, contemporary burlesque

and pole/silks aerial arts.

Check out our timetable atwww.8count.co.nz

Email: [email protected]

2 years to adults from $70 per term.

Phone: 0800 924 937221 Waiwera Road, Waiwera

Just 35 mins north of Auckland

A great place to take the kids these holidays!• Indoor & outdoor hot mineral pools• Various temperatures and depths• Hydroslides (for all ages & abilities)• Poolside Café• Movie pool

Open 365 days!www.waiwera.co.nz


We all grow up with fairy-tales of handsome princes, blushing maidens and happily ever after. But what if you find yourself cast as the evil stepmother?

Estimates suggest that up to a quarter of New Zealand families are remarriages

or new partnerships with existing children. Research also suggests that many of those new relationships won’t stand the stress of the new family unit, and will dissolve within the first few years – especially if the new family unit is established without forethought and preplanning.

Evil step-parent?Whether you are a step-mother or step-father, you will have stereotypes to deal with. A new step-parent often enters the new family unit with a mixture of fervour and trepidation, says Christchurch-based family psychologist Prue Fanselow-Brown. But, their determination and striving to avoid the pitfalls of the archetypical “evil” stereotype often ends in tears and failure: sometimes none of their own doing, and sometimes misguided notions of how the child or children will respond to them. Step-children have undergone the loss (either through death or separation) of a biological parent, and even if that parent is not what you might regard as a good parent – if they are a criminal, a drug-addict, or simply a dead-beat – the child will usually retain strong feelings

of loyalty to that parent. The result, says Fanselow-Brown, is that a sense of betrayal may accompany any positive feelings that the child has towards the step-parent. “I think step parents need to be quite patient and lower their expectations a bit in a new relationship. “Step parents coming into that sort of relationship need to be very aware of how that feels for the child, to see their parent overtly affectionate with somebody new. That sort of affection is best to be kept away from the children initially. Be a respectable friend who will respect their needs. If you’re aware and patient, it can go very well.”In extreme cases, the child may view the step-parent with suspicion, or as a threat to their ties with their biological parent. They may try to sabotage the relationship between their parent and step-parent, act-out with behaviour issues, or seek to re-establish the relationship between biological parents. All of this is within the realm of possibilities, and couples about to embark on a journey as a new blended family need to be aware of it.

The role of a step-parentRather than try to be a parent, step-parents need to establish their own role according to Fanselow-Brown. Primarily, at least early on, the step-parent’s goal is to be a warm friend to the child, she says – keeping a distance so that the child has a space in which to observe the step-parent and approach when comfort allows.That’s a strategy that has worked for step-parent Geni McCallum. Geni has been a step-mother to her seven-and-a-half-year old step-

daughter for five years. She says that being a step-parent has been one of the hardest definitions that she has ever struggled with. “I think the most important thing going into it was knowing that I wasn’t going into it to be-come a mother - she has one of those already. I’m just me; she’s always called me by my nickname “Gen” and continues to do so.”

DisciplineDiscipline can be a dicey subject between two partners even in their first marriage, with their own biological children. A parent’s own upbringing, the influence of

grandparents and friends, and a parent’s own individual preferences can lead to conflict when it comes to how to discipline a child. Add a step-parent into the mix, and you’ve got a recipe for catastrophe, if it’s not talked about and decided on in advance.Fanselow-Brown recommends that parents in blended families decide on support, rules, consequences and household tasks in advance, and also how to encourage adherence. She says that the “hard stuff” happens when punishments or consequences are required for defiance or failure to comply. In this case, she says that the biological parent

Being a step-parentfeature story

Confoil’s range of commercial sized cling wrap, catering foil and baking paper is perfect for your next fundraiser. The value for money provided by these catering sized rolls means you will save more money by not having to purchase the smaller retail rolls from the supermarket.

Why not Confoil baking products?

Freephone: 0800 107 620 | Email: [email protected] | www.confoil.co.nz

Supa Wrap Cling Wrap:• 33cm x 600m roll with a dispenser box and sliding safety cutter.• Clings well to glass, ceramics and stainless steel, but will not cling heavily to itself. • High tensile strength and puncture resistant so the film will not easily break apart.• Premium grade food wrap.

Supa Bake Baking Paper:• 30cm x 100m roll with a dispenser box• Made from a high quality siliconised paper with a non-stick coating• Able to withstand temperatures of up to 203 degrees Celsius• Suitable for freezers, sandwich presses, ovens, fry pans and microwaves.

All products come in a carton of 6 rolls

Supafoil All Purpose Aluminium Foil:• 30cm x 150m roll with a dispenser box• Seals in flavor when cooking• Ideal for storing and freezing


must adopt the lead role of disciplinarian, with the step-parent in a supporting role. Initially at least, the step-parent can perhaps stand beside the biological parent, or behind them, and nod in agreement, wordlessly.Over time, the step-parent’s role in discipline may change as they build the child’s trust and as the child begins to feel secure in the longevity of the new relationship.

Geni says that has been her experience.“I did wait for a while before I began enforc-ing rules at the beginning because it wasn’t my place to come in and change her life around.

I didn’t ever let myself be treated badly or without respect though; it’s important to stand up for yourself whilst you’re building the relationships in your family.“Just like any parent, my role changes and our relationship is fluid - it took me a while to find my place but I love it now.”

Dealing with dislikeAuthor Flora McEvedy was 29 when her boyfriend introduced her to his two daughters, ages six and two. Although both parties tried, the relationship between her and the girls quickly disintegrated, as she described in an interview with The Telegraph while promoting her book, The Step Parents’ Parachute.“Most of the time, the girls ignored me with studious concentration. But there were also endless scenes - tantrums thrown left, right and centre by both them and me. The girls would stand in my path whenever I

approached their dad, and yelp at our friendly overtures. They’re just kids, I told myself, when they refused to eat the macaroni cheese I had cooked.”She says that she started to “burn with resentment,” because no matter how hard she tried, the situation just got worse and all her attempts to be liked were mercilessly scorned. The turning point for her began when she decided that rather than look to her step-daughters for approval, to turn to a different quarter for reward for the work she was putting in with them.

“It dawned on me that I didn’t have to justify myself to my stepchildren, and that I hadn’t been asked to be a step-parent, but had simply become involved with someone who already had kids. So the obligation is to my partner, alone. I owe it to him to make the best relationship I can with his children. When I sweat and toil to look after a stepchild, what I am actually doing is looking after my relationship with my partner.”As McEvedy began to disengage from her need for acceptance, she found the situation began to turn itself around.

feature story

“Once I abandoned any attempt at friendship, it took root of its own accord. They thawed

visibly, and started to tell me stuff.

The four cornerstones of good step-parentingYou and your partner are a team It is natural to crave inclusion in the elite club of blood relatives, but remember you are not an outsider. You are already in a strong relationship, so don’t shut out the person who introduced you to step-parenthood. Talk to your partner about your anxieties, without criticising the child’s behaviour. Try not to compete with your step-child, and give your partner space to love you and the child separately.

Know your role If step-children take an instant dislike to you, remember they are not biologically programmed to love you. You may bend over backwards to please them, with little or no thanks, but normal social rules do not apply. Even if the step-child seems to be punishing you for simply existing, try to understand that you may always come second to natural parents, but that second place is not so terrible.

Keep rejection at arm’s length The arrival of a step-parent can turn a child’s world upside down. The family

space has been disrupted to make room for someone who is usually seen as an intruder. In self-defence, step-children will try to hurt you because they identify you as the one who has ruined their happiness. Of course it’s difficult being treated like a criminal in your own home, but don’t take their rejection personally. They are probably feeling as paranoid and unsettled as you are.

Your step-children need your love At the start, all you have in common with your step-child is your link with the natural parent. In time, you need to build a direct bond with the child, and, for this, you need to cultivate trust. Even when antagonism has frozen all goodwill, a compliment and a little praise go a long way. However gradually, dedicating yourself to being a positive presence in the life of the step-child will bring stability to your family. *Paraphrased from The Step-Parents’ Parachute: The Four Cornerstones of Good Step-Parenting by Flora McEvedy, available online with Amazon.

With 107 kindergartens and four early learning centres Auckland wide we offer:- All day (approx. 9am - 3pm) and sessional hrs- Safe enriching learning environments- Qualified and registered teachers- 20 hours ECE

Enrol now at your local AKA kindergartenCall 0800 4 KINDY or visit www.aka.org.nz

SPARK THEIR IMAGINATION

Like us on Facebook to get started,visit facebook.com/BTCNZ

While you shop, drop your little ones off at Botany Town Centre’s casual childcare centre where they can learn, play, discover and have fun! – All under the professional supervision of Our Place’s qualified teachers.

$4 per 2 hour session. Located on Level 1 Sunset Terrace, between Robert Harris Whitcoulls and Lollipops Educare. 2 – 5 year olds only.

FREE BOTANY TOTS STORY TIME:

Monday 6th and 13th April- Extended 2 Hour sessions from 10.30am – 12.30pm. Location: Level 1 Sunset Terrace, opposite Hoyts Cinema.

FREE PIRATE THEMED ARTS N’ CRAFTS SESSIONS FOR 5- 12 YEAR OLDS:

When: Wednesday 15th and Friday 17th April. Choose one 30 minute session a day. Starting at: 10.30am | 11am | 11.30am | 12 noon | 12.30pm | 1pm | 1.30pm | 2pm

Location: Level 1 Sunset Terrace, opposite Hoyts Cinema.

botanytowncentre.co.nz


spot the differenceCan you spot differences

ACROSS

1. Goat’s chin bristles

3. Go up a ladder or stairs

7. Hits with foot

8. Story opening, ‘... upon a time’

9. One, two, buckle my ...

11. Supermarket

13. Kitchen sink fittings

seArch - A- word

17. Sleep in a tent

19. The sixth month of the year

20. French way to say goodbye

21. Sharp spike on a rose bush

22. Spotted pattern, ... dots

DOWN

1. Breakfast rasher served with eggs

2. Garden leaf scraper

4. Boy and girl, or lad and ...

5. Bread maker

6. Sound that bounces back

10. Jump on one leg

12. ... or her

14. A group of eight musicians

15. Dive into a pool and ...

16. Striped African mammal

18. Gloves and shoes are sold in a ...

19. Japanese martial art

Welcome to Kids’ Time at Family Times. Enjoy the fun activities and competitions. For competitions, enter online by visiting

www.familytimes.co.nz and click on the competitions link. Looking for some rainy day activities for your children? Click on the For Kids section on our

website for answers and for further activities your children can print out and complete.

Kids tiMe

Gooie BAcKpAcK lUnchBox coMBo

By KidscApes

Kidscapes is your one-stop shop for kids’ decor products with gorgeous wall murals, stickers, rugs, lighting, soft furnishings, school bags, lunch boxes and gifts, just to name a few things. With free delivery nationwide, it makes perfect sense to shop online at Kidscapes. www.kidscapes.co.nz is giving you the chance to win one of four gorgeous Gooie Backpack lunchbox combos valued at $79.95 each and available in four beautiful designs. Competition ends 14 April 2015 – visit www.familytimes.co.nz to enter!

win win win

20 FEBRUARY 10 TO FEBRUARY 23, 2015

Now 100% NZ FREE FARMED

Look for the new packs in store now!

kiwibacon.co.nz

win win win

sponGeBoB sqUArepAnts prize

pAcK

To celebrate the launch of Spongebob Squarepants: Sponge out of Water, we have four of these fantastic prize packs from Paramount pictures to give away:Each prize pack contains:1 x Spongebob in-season double pass (two seats each)1 x Spongebob bath plug1 x Spongebob ice lolly moulds1 x Spongebob waterproof speaker1 x Spongebob ball gameCompetition closes 14 April 2015 – visit www.familytimes.co.nz to enter.

win win winwin delicioUs ediBle BlooMs

Edible Blooms New Zealand offers a unique twist on flowers and gift hampers. Their range of chocolate flower bouquets, fresh fruit bouquets, cake pop blooms and gourmet gift baskets can be ordered easily online and delivered New Zealand wide. Created with top quality ingredients and packing a real “wow” factor, they make perfect gifts. www.edibleblooms.co.nz is giving you the opportunity to win one of four of their gorgeous Happy Blooms valued at $79. Visit www.familytimes.co.nz to enter the draw. Competition entries close 14 April 2015.


Did you know that there’s a large amount of unwanted money out there? Apparently, there’s approximately $80m in old coins and some $36m in bank notes plus loads of foreign cash.The Lions’ HU4K project collects everything from pre/old decimal currency and bank notes through to any foreign currency. The magic of this collection is taking something that doesn’t have much use and turning it into something really positive – life changing opportunities for Kiwi teens. Please take your old NZ/foreign money to any Resene

ColorShop or selected New World Supermarkets. It’s as easy as that!Many thanks to Fastway Couriers, Resene ColorShops, New World Supermarkets and all New Zealanders for their on-going support.

Turn old money into opportunities

with NZ Lions

desiGn coMpetition

M A z e

Design a fabulous, magical Easter Egg Hunt in preparation for the Easter Bunny’s April adventures and describe what’s happening in your design. Send us your picture (either via post or email) and you will be in to win a wonderful prize pack for creative kiwi kids from Crayola. There are three separate entry age groups: 1-4, 5-8 and 9-12. Create your design on an A4 sheet of paper and either post it or scan and email it to us. Don’t forget to write/type your name, age, description and postal address (so we can send you your prize if you win!). Post: PO Box 36 004, Christchurch 8146. Email: [email protected] - Entries close 1 May 2015.A huge congratulations is in order to our winners of last issue’s design competition too:1 to 4-year-olds Maia Andrell“This is our tent, my family is inside it.”

5 to 8-year-olds Juni Leung “Rainbow Treehouse: This is the treehouse I designed for my family.”

9 to 12-year-olds Sam Gormack

Visit www.familytimes.co.nz to view the winning entries.

win A Boxtrolls dVd/BlUrAy!

The BoxTrolls are a community of lovable oddballs who are raising an abandoned human boy named Eggs as one of their own. To celebrate the DVD/Bluray release of this charming film that is bound to have you and your family chuckling away, we have 5 copies of the film for you to win! Simply go to www.familytimes.co.nz to enter. Competition ends 14 April 2015.

Our kids activities are proudly sponsored by Homestyle yummy yoghurt. For more printable activities go to www.yummyyoghurt.co.nz/kids/ Homestyle yummy yoghurt base and culture has no added sugar and a mild taste so it’s a perfect healthy choice for kids and grown-ups. It’s easy to make in any yoghurt maker and is a great source of calcium and protein.Available in selected supermarkets and online www.yummyyoghurt.co.nz

18

WIN A LUSH PRIZE PACK – 25 TO B E WON

LUSH Fresh Handmade Cosmetics are giving away this beautiful gift pack of warmth, comfort and Mediterranean citrus jubilation. It contains four products that will help you look on the bright side of life! LUSH is known for its strong ethical stance against animal testing, support for grassroots organisations, environmental stewardship and stunning products for the skin and hair. Everything is freshly handmade with high-quality fruits, vegetables and essential oils to make you feel like a ray of sunshine when you use them! Contains: Sugar Scrub, Each Peach (And Two’s a Pair) Massage Bar, Olive Branch shower gel, and a wedge of Bohemian soap.

WIN N AT UR A L M ED S PRIZE PACK S

Keeping well in winter needn’t be hard work – Natural Meds has a range of quality

vitamins and supplements for the whole family. Family Times has eight prize packs to give away, including Nordic Naturals Children’s DHA , strawberry �avoured omega-3 soft gels made from 100% wild Arctic cod, and Children’s Oxylent, a delicious Berry Punch multi vitamin drink that supports your child’s health and wellbeing.For stockists, visit www.naturalmeds.co.nz.

Welcome to Kids’ Time at Family Times. Enjoy the fun activities and competitions. For competitions, just �ll in the entry form and post it to us by the due date or

enter online by visiting www.familytimes.co.nz and click on the competitions link.

Looking for some rainy day activities for your children? Click on the For Kids section on our website for answers and for further activities your children can print out and complete.

Spot The Di�erence - CartoonspotDi�007_Wild_West.eps© Lovatts Puzzles

Solution:1. Light in saloon window , 2. Hole in barrel , 3. Chimney, 4. Extra arrow, 5. Mountain range on right of picture , 6. Dollar sign on money bag , 7. Native American’s knife , 8. Extra sun.

Spot the Di�erenceCan you spot the eight di�erences between these two pictures?

© Lovatts Puzzles

S POT T HE DIFFERENCE

Can you spot 8 di�erences betweenthese 2 pictures

Kids Maze

KM023_Balloon_PUZSOL.eps© Lovatts Puzzles

Can you find your way to the basket of the hot-air balloon?

M A Z EFind your way through the maze

Across 1. Crosswords have ... and white squares (5)3. A tube you suck a drink through (5)6. A vegetable that might make your eyes sting when you peel and cut it (5)8. Quacking bird (4)10. Slightly open (4)13. Colourful arc seen in the sky after it rains (7)14. Leather strap held by a horse rider (4)16. Stick used to hit a ball in golf (4)18. Winged heavenly messenger (5)19. Stared (up at the stars) (5)20. Marshy land (5)Down 1. Rock group (4)2. Person who prepares meals (4)4. Fish you can buy in a tin (4)5. Tusked Arctic mammal (6)7. Pressing clothes after they are washed (7)9. Short-legged dog (5)11. Gemstone (5)12. The season when �owers bloom (6)15. What you are called (you have a �rst one and last one and maybe a middle one) (4)16. A spike on a cat’s paw (4)17. Collide with, ... into (4)

Chase more puzzles visit our website www.lovattspuzzles.com

1 2 3 4 5

6 7

8 9 10 11

12 13

14 15 16 17

18

19 20

SPE LL BO UNDHint: Where there is a … in a clue you

need to �ll in the missing word.

WIN WIN WINWIN WIN WIN

WIN L E G O ® F RIEND S F IR S T A ID J UN G L E B IKE RRP

$29.99 Speed to the rescue on the LEGO® Friends First Aid Jungle Bike. There’s a monkey in distress trapped in a cave and it’s up to Emma to save him. Help Emma to shovel the fallen rocks and then check the monkey with Emma’s medic bag. Give the monkey a banana to eat and use the walkie-talkie to radio home. Set includes Emma mini-doll �gure, monkey, First Aid Jungle Bike with detachable side-car and other accessories. Ages 6 – 12. We have 20 x LEGO ® Friends First Aid Jungle Bike sets to give away.

WIN 100 B E S T N ATIVE PL ANT S FOR N E W

ZEA L AND GARDEN SIf you have ever wandered through the gorgeous grounds of Larnach Castle, you probably won’t have realised that the care and maintenance of the garden at Larnach Castle has been Fiona Eadie’s responsibility for the past 12 years. This outstanding title has been highly regarded since its �rst publication in 2001, and its revised edition and numerous reprints are a clear indication that it’s an indispensable gardeners’ companion.We have 10 books to give away.

WIN WIN WINWIN WIN WIN

DE S I G N CO MPETITION

Design a spring out�t made out of �owers and vegetables. It could be for you, your mum, your dad or anyone else. Please describe what it is made out of. Send us your picture and be in to win an amazing $50 prize pack from Crayola! Three entry age groups: preschool (age 1-4), 5-8, 9-12.Create your design on an A5 sheet or download the template and entry form from www.familytimes.co.nz. Post in to PO Box 36 004, Christchurch 8146. Entries close on 11 October 2014. Congratulations to our competition winners from our last issue Design your very own New Zealand superhero. Thank you also to kidsonscreen for the idea, DVD prizes; and also to our judge: Felicity Milburn of the Christchurch Art Gallery Te Puna O Waiwhetu. They are:Luke Harrison, (1-4 years old) James Yang, (5-8 years old) Wairaamia Taratoa-Bannister , (9-12 years old)


116

Fay and Jane Birkinshaw by Rita AngusRita Angus painted this picture of sisters Fay and Jane with their toys.

The girls look very similar, but in what ways are they di�erent?

List four things that are di�erent.

1.

2.

3.

4.

116

Fay and Jane Birkinshaw by Rita AngusRita Angus painted this picture of sisters Fay and Jane with their toys.

The girls look very similar, but in what ways are they di�erent?

List four things that are di�erent.

1.

2.

3.

4.

S POT T HE DIFFERENCE

Can you spot di�erences


KIDS TIMEOur kids activities are proudly sponsored by Homestyle yummy yoghurt. For more printable activities go to www.yummyyoghurt.co.nz/kids/

Homestyle yummy yoghurt base and culture has no added sugar and a mild taste so it’s a perfect healthy choice for kids and grown-ups. It’s easy to make in any yoghurt maker and is a great source of calcium and protein.

Available in selected supermarkets and online www.yummyyoghurt.co.nz

win win win

5 BArBie in princess power dVds!

Barbie™ stars as Kara, a modern-day princess with an everyday life. One day, after being kissed by a magical butterfly, Kara™ soon discovers she has amazing super powers allowing her to transform into Super Sparkle, her secret, crime-fighting alter ego. Simply go to www.familytimes.co.nz to enter to win one of five DVDs. Entries close 14 April 2015.

win win win


Calendar of Eventscool activities

www.girlsbrigade.nzE-mail: [email protected]

An invitation to all girls aged5 to 18...

Come join the fun & friendship at any of our nationwide locations.

New Zealand

Wrap the family up nice and warm and head out to enjoy some gorgeous autumn days at the following family-friendly events. For more event and entertainment ideas, visit www.familytimes.co.nz and enjoy our large, family-friendly resource.

28 MarchXRACE Totara park. An adventure-style event for a parent/guardian and child complet-ing both physical and mental challenges. From 2-4pm, Totara Park, visit www.xrace.co.nz.

28 MarchEye On Nature 2015. Free activities, games, cooking demonstrations, guided biodiversity trails in the Totara forest, plus loads of great entertainment. From 12-9pm, visit beautiful-manukau.org.nz.

28 MarchCar boot sale. Get in early to grab a bargain at the autumn Car Boot Sale. Stallholders wanted: $20 pre-booked and paid. Book your spot on 09-444-3105 or email [email protected].

29 MarchOld-fashioned family picnic. Come along to Inwards Reserve and enjoy a picnic with

neighbours, friends and family. There will be old-fashioned games, live entertainment and toys for the kids. Free, 2-4pm.

1-7 AprilWhittaker’s Big Egg Hunt. Scramble to the streets to hunt for the eggs and get in your entry for a chance to win the grand prize. In support of Starship Hospital. From 10am-5pm, visit www.aucklandmuseum.com.

3 - 5 AprilAuckland LEGO® User Group Display. The whole family will be inspired by the Auckland LEGO® User Group’s model town display featuring trains, classic spaceships, technic trucks and a great ball contraption. From 10am-5pm at MOTAT, cost $40/family.Visit www.motat.org.nz.

4 AprilLa Rosa Community Orchard Open Day. If you’re into growing food locally, the La Rosa community orchard group would like to meet you! Bring your gardening gear. Morning tea provided. Kids’ activities provided. From 9am-12pm.

11 AprilHeart of Te Atatu South Festival. Com-munity groups, stalls, food, performances, games, free rides and other entertainment. At Te Atatu South Community Centre, 247 Edmonton Road, Auckland, 10am-2pm.

26 AprilTitirangi Village Market. Last Sunday of

each month. More than 130 stalls of arts, crafts, produce and information, live music, coffee, and more. Titirangi War Memorial Hall, 500 South Titirangi Road, 10am-2pm, phone Tanya on 09-814-1177.

2 & 9 MayMOTAT - The Wonderful World of Bubbles. This experience facilitates the exploration of materials in order to identify, classify and investigate bubbles. See bubbles bigger than your head! At 11am, 1pm and 3pm. Normal admission applies. Visit www.motat.org.nz.

3 & 10 MayMOTAT – Move it! During this interactive show, visitors will learn about Newton’s three laws of motion and then apply them to enable Space Chick Steve to fly across the room! At 11am, 1pm and 3pm. Normal admission applies. Visit www.motat.org.nz.

15-17 MayWaitakere Home & Garden Show. Gather inspiration and advice at a venue packed with the latest ideas, products and services for your home. The Trusts Arena, 65-67 Central Park Drive, Auckland, 10am-5pm, www.homeandgardenshow.co.nz.

17 May Antique & Collector’s Fair. China, glass, silver, books, tools, jewellery, furniture, clothing, costume jewellery, dolls, stamps, and much more! Mt Albert War Memorial Hall, 773 New North Road, 10am-3pm, phone 021-609-399 or 09-443-1797.

30 May – 1 JuneEveryWoman Expo. More than 150 exhibitors featuring health, beauty, fashion, food, love, lifestyle, fitness, spiritual solutions and more. ASB Arena, 10am – 6pm. Visit www.everywomanexpo.co.nz.

Need a fun activity to beat the autumn blues? The weather may be cooling down, but there’s still plenty of fun to be had at a plethora of events and entertainment destinations around the city. Here are a few ideas to get you started, and we’ve got heaps more at www.familytimes.co.nz.Northern ArenaNew Zealand’s swim school of the year, with swimming lessons for all ages designed to enhance enjoyment and confidence in the water whilst learning the skills to swim and survive.

Odyssey Sensory MazeOdyssey is an a-maze-ing journey that will invigorate your senses as you experience illusions, sounds, scents, obstacles and strange sensations.

Paint & CreateThe perfect place for some creative time out; painting ceramics that can be enjoyed forever. No skills necessary - we will show you how. It is great fun and great therapy.

Sky TowerWanted: Scotty Sky Tower’s evil twin has escaped and we need your help! Reward: a bag of “gold.” From 10am-3pm, 3–19 April 2015. Details at skytower.co.nz. Sky Tower admission fees apply.

Holiday specialsHere are some great holiday ideas designed to keep you and your little ones entertained during the school break. Artz on ShowArtz on Show Ltd is a school holiday performing arts workshop, providing structured holiday classes and the opportunity to perform in an end-of-week show to students aged 5 – 15 years.

Inflatable WorldBring the whole family and bounce on into Inflatable World. Visit our website to find a location close to you: www.inflatableworld.co.nz.

Rainbow’s EndThis Easter Rainbow’s End is holding the amazing Easter Extravaganza with loads of free entertainment. All rides as many times as you like all day for one price. Visit www.rainbowsend.co.nz.

Entertainment


• Count the frogs in the stinky bog

• Explore the tropical jungle or the mythical maze

• Grab an activity trail booklet for a fun-filled adventure through the Gardens

• Spoil our ducks with their favourite treat (20c for duck food at the visitor centre)

• Follow our Sustainable Water Trail or our Native Plant Identification Trail

• Take a bush walk through our native forest

• Bring a picnic or grab a coffee and a snack at Café Miko

• Enjoy free events and live music throughout summer – see our website for details.

There’s loads to discover at the Gardens.

Autumn at the Auckland Botanic Gardens

FREE ADMISSION | OPEN DAILY 102 Hill Road, Manurewa, Auckland | Phone 09 267 1457aucklandbotanicgardens.co.nz

Find your own fun or check out our top autumn tips for families:

Make the most of the settled weather, end-of-summer warmth and quieter holiday season by taking your family out into nature this autumn. Department of Conservation (DOC) ranger Yuin Khai Foong shares his top spots to visit for those wanting to get away for a week, a weekend or even just a day.

Day: Tawharanui Marine ReserveJust over 75km north of Auckland, Tawharanui Marine Reserve has lots to offer families. The fantastic sandy beaches, good

swimming and rock pools provide hours of entertainment. Make sure you bring masks and snorkels for underwater discovery. Tawharanui Regional Park is home to threatened native wildlife, including takahe, as well as farm animals. There is a nearby campsite run by Auckland City Council for

those unable to tear themselves away.Weekend: Uretiti Beach campsite, Whangarei Approximately one-and-a-half hours from Auckland, families love this relaxing campsite set amongst the dunes of picturesque Uretiti Beach. Surf, swim or get to know the local glow worms at nearby Waipu Caves. With beautiful views, Mangawhai Walkway (5km) is a well-formed coastal track for families wishing to stretch their legs. Week: Great Barrier Island Aotea

With six campsites and two huts to choose from there are plenty of options for those willing to make the trip to Great Barrier Island Aotea—you won’t regret it! Those wishing to freely explore this remarkable island can take their car (the car ferry departs from downtown Auckland). Embark on a journey of discovery, taking in rare native wildlife, thermal springs, swimming beaches and extensive walking tracks. Keep an eye out for the North Island kaka. These large, brown, noisy parrots are often seen flying high above the forest canopy and their raucous call is part of the island’s atmosphere. One spot popular with families is the hot springs off Whangaparapara Road. To get there, take the buggy-friendly, 45-minute Hot Springs Track through the Kaitoke wetlands and regenerating kanuka forest. Walkers are rewarded with a relaxing soak in the hot springs. Visit www.doc.govt.nz to find out more about these awesome places and to plan and prepare for your trips.

Getting into the great outdoors this autumn

09 294 8606


There always seems to be a bit of competition in parenting; from which after-school activities your kids go to and where you buy their clothes from, to sporting prowess and academic achievement.

But arguably the biggest competition of all is birthday parties.

Once upon a time, birthdays were simpler. If you were lucky, you would get to invite a few friends around, maybe take off on your bikes down to the park to play, watch a movie later and enjoy a slice of mum’s homemade birthday cake. These days, there seems to be a lot more expectation surrounding birthday parties. From elaborate party bags to hosted venues and expensive activities, there is no end to how much you can spend on a child’s birthday, all to keep up with the Jones’.Of course, there is nothing wrong with those things – after all, a hosted venue cuts down on the clean-up work, and birthday party entertainment is a lot of fun and takes the pressure off you organising games – but it all comes down to the reasons that you do it.

If you find yourself stretching beyond your budget in order to throw a party as fancy as the one that your child’s school friend did last month, you may need to sit back and have a rethink. Will it be worth it when you get the credit card bill?Blogger April Masini says that parents have become so insecure about raising their children that they use their kids to compete with each other, especially when it comes to birthday parties. She says that kids need to learn to have realistic expectations though, and learn that life isn’t always fair, and that not everybody has the same disposable income. One parent who decided to buck the trends for her 2-year-old son’s birthday is Heather Morgan-Shot. Rather than go the catered direction, she and her husband Chris home-cooked birthday treats for the kids, and had a barbecue for the adults. “I had stressed endlessly about my simple approach,” said Heather. “At one point, in the beginning of our party planning efforts, Chris had to remind me that we didn’t need to go overboard for our 2-year-old’s birthday party, and I’m thankful he was able to keep me focused. I find it embarrassingly easy to get swept up in what other mums think and say and, I lose perspective on what works for us as a family. “In the end, Mason clearly had a blast–and I wouldn’t change a thing about the party we

had for him.”Here are some tips for deciding what kind of party, treats, food and entertainment you should have for your child’s party:

1 Set a budget. Be realistic about what you have to spend, and plan the party accordingly. Maybe in order to book some entertainment, you can skip on catering and home-cook instead. Ask your child what is most important to them about the party.

2 Time. Lots of families have two parents working, so establish how much time you can realistically put into the party. Maybe you don’t have time to home cook, or

energy to clean up, and a catered party with entertainment is what best suits your needs.

3 Help. How much help is available to you through family and friends? This may affect your decisions about how to run the party. Maybe your family can help cater, or friends can help supervise or entertain.

4 What your child wants. Your child may not actually want a big, fancy party, but prefer to have just a few friends over to play video games. Don’t be tempted to force a big party if it’s not what your child wants – you may be doing it for your own reasons.

Amazing Kids Parties

At Amazing Kids Parties, we provide amazing entertainers to make every child’s party super special and super fun! We have party packs for all age groups and genders – check them out: www.amazingkidsparties.co.nz. Our party planning team is also super helpful – call them on 09-889-2243 for advice on throwing the perfect party for your child.So many choices… characters, disco pack, pamper pack, cooking pack, science pack, face painting, balloon twisting and more.

Birthdays parties – keeping up with the Jones’

Learning to swim isn’t an activity it is an essential life skill!Learn to swim at Northern Arena, Silverdale, Auckland we have lessons for 3 month old babies to adults.

www.northernarena.co.nz09 421 9700call visit

parties

Step-parents and preteens: What Modern Family’s Jay Pritchett taught me

I’ve recently been re-watching one of my favourite shows, Modern Family.

I think what draws me to it (apart from the entertainment factor) is that many of the problems the three families face are very real for families today. My absolute favourite character to watch is Jay: a middle-aged man, married to an out-of-his-depth beautiful Columbian Gloria, with her son from her first marriage Manny. Whether you’ve seen the series, or are a step-parent yourself, take note of the top three things this family has taught me about step-parenting:

1. Ninety per-cent of being a good parent is just showing up. Jay struggles (to say the least) with Manny’s real father’s absolute disrespect to stick to basic time management. Random visits with expectations to sleep over, broken promises to Manny, bringing his new girlfriend unannounced – all these are realities families face today with a parent vaguely outside of the picture. It’s hard to live up to expectations of a parent figure who seems just so “cool,” but Jay puts aside his hate and isn’t there so much to pick up the pieces, but rather just to be there.

2. “While others are out there kicking the ball on the field, Manny’s looking at butterflies.”Trying to shape a child is hard work. Especially if you have a certain dislike of how they have turned out so far. Jay’s biggest goal in life seems to be to turn Manny into a man while Manny passionately tries to live up to the romantic his mother tries to parent him

into being. Be on the same team as your partner! If something irritates you, don’t say it – suggest an alternative parenting method. You are now a team so be on the same page.

3. “I killed the turtle.”In one episode, after Jay accidentally drops a picture on Manny’s pet turtle and kills it, Jay develops a master plan to make Manny believe that a raccoon got into his bedroom window and killed his pet turtle. Not a good parenting choice overall, but when you are a step-parent, honesty is even dearer to pre-teens in the family. They almost want to feel that you can be more of a friend to them so they expect you to not tip-toe around them the way that their biological parent some-times does. It’s so easy for you to become

the bad guy in a quick flash, so stick to the facts – be truthful.

By Eva Maria

Eva-Maria is a 23-year-old on a mission to help improve 10,000,000 adult-teenager relation-ships around the world. She is the author of the bestselling You Shut Up! and sequel Shush, You!. She travels throughout New Zealand, Australia and Russia coaching families, running workshops and speaking at conferences and events about the importance of intergenera-tional relationships and youth in the workforce, offering understanding from “the other side.” www.eva-maria.co.nz.


As busy parents, sometimes it feels like you are living in Ground Hog Day. The endless cycle of school, work, appointments, activities, shopping, and housework is an unforgiving daily grind that leaves little time for the simple pleasures in life - like enjoying each other’s company.

So between all the commitments facing modern families, how is it possible to

spend quality time with the kids? Parenting expert and author Karyn Riley says there are two main hurdles to achieving this. “One is a perceived lack of time with our busy, often over-scheduled lives; the other is the guilt and pressure that comes with beating ourselves up over not spending “enough” quality time with our children. We all have the same amount of time available - it’s how we prioritise and use that time that makes the difference.”Karyn says that spending 5 or 10 minutes of a hundred percent present, fully-focused quality time with our kids is more beneficial than a longer period of time in which parents are distracted. “One of my favourite sayings is, “We are human beings, not human doings.” We can all

benefit by taking time out to just “be” - with our kids, partners and ourselves.”Karyn advises one way to achieve quality time is to literally schedule it into your diary. “In my experience, if you don’t plan time for what’s important it will generally never happen. Have strong boundaries in place - prioritise quality time and stick to it.”What constitutes as quality time will vary between families, Karyn says. Do what suits yours, and never compare yourself to others. “There is no one-size-fits-all - quality is better than quantity. When you do spend time with your family and children, focus on this alone - not what you “should” be doing instead. Be realistic and go easy on yourself - remember, “super-mum” does not exist!”

Mum of three Camdon Dudley says family time is key to how her family operates. Both she and husband Brandon work full-time; he as a building services coordinator and she as a preschool centre director. With sons Donnell, 15; Troy, 9; and Eli, 20 months, the family do almost everything together including housework, weekend sport and daily walks around the block.

“Because of the huge age gaps (between the kids) we feel it’s important to spend time together. We support one another in sport, so on a Saturday we generally spend all day together. We go to concerts together. We walk the Rapaki track, taking turns with the baby. Donnell is a big boy now so he can help with that!”It is a house rule that the family always eats dinner together, and sometimes they will turn off the TV and just talk. “The kids think I’m a real nerd when I ask, “what was the highlight of your day,” or “did you meet someone new today?” But now I’ll find they will come to me and say “Mum, I did meet someone new today.”Camdon says being organised is integral. “We’ve got good systems. The kids all know their responsibilities. If all our jobs are done

then we can get back to that quality time.”**Karyn Riley is a parent educator and life coach, and author of ‘How to Keep the YOU in Mum’. She was a finalist of the Westpac Women of Influence Award 2014 and winner of the Local Heroes Medal, New Zealander of the Year Awards 2012. She is mum to two daughters aged 11 and 14. Her website is www.rileylife.co.nz.

Building quality time into your day

“What constitutes as quality time will vary between families. Do what suits yours, and

never compare yourself to others.”

Tell our advertiser you saw it in...


AdvancedNaturalMedicine

Fleur MooreNaturopath & IridologistAdvanced Hemaview PractitionerB.A., Dip.Nat.,Cert.Irid.,BHSc.(Comp.Med.)

87 Portage Road,New Lynn, Auckland 0600Phone: 09-826 4482Mobile: 027-439 [email protected]

www.advancednaturalmedicine.co.nz

Specialist in children’s health issues

Parent HelpParent Help is a not-for-profit organisation that has been offering services to parents and families since 1989. • Parent Help line 0800-568-856• Counselling and family therapy• Parent education courses• Information and resourcesWe listen! Our helpline provides free, confidential and anonymous support assisting parents, caregivers, family and whanau with practical parenting advice. Phone 0800-568-856, 9am to 11pm, seven days a week. Visit www.parenthelp.org.nz or email [email protected].

Breastfeeding support in many ways

Meet breastfeeding mothers ContaCt a trained breastfeeding

counsellor Read a book from our library BRowse our website Join and receive aroha magazine Buy books and leaflets donate to help La Leche League help

more mums like you.

CONTACT US: (09) 846 0752EMAIL: [email protected]/LLLNZlalecheleague.org.nz

NATIONAL PARENT HELPLINE

AND CHILD ABUSE PREVENTION HELPLINE

for all parenting concerns A listening ear Practical advice Immediate support Referral to other services

0800 568 856

PHONE 7 DAYS 9AM TO 11PM

[email protected] www.parenthelp.org.nz

You’ve been waiting nine months for this little bundle of joy to come into your life, and finally, after the pain of labour, your precious little one looks up at you in wonder and expectation. What do you feel in that moment?Many mothers describe the experience as “complete euphoria,” surpassing any other feeling of love or affection. It’s a special attachment, or bonding, that takes place between mother and child. But not all births – or all bonding experiences – happen that way.

What is bonding?Bonding refers to the special attachment that forms between a mother and father and their new baby. That bond is what sends parents rush-ing into their newborn’s room in the middle of the night at the slightest whimper. It’s also what makes parents want to instinctively care for and nurture their child, and attend to the variety of cries that they exert to express their needs.

How is bonding formed?The hormone oxytocin, which is released during pregnancy and in greater amounts during labour, helps to create a feeling of euphoria and love for your newborn. You may feel an overwhelming urge to protect your baby from the first moment you see her. And while you’re savouring the high, the feel-good hormone dopamine that’s coursing through your body is also helping your baby to attach emotionally to you.

When bonding isn’t formed immediatelyNot every mother feels an instinctive bond with her child at birth. In fact, studies have shown that about 20% of new mums (and dads) feel no such bond in the hours immediately following delivery. Sometimes it takes weeks, or even months, before that bond is secured. The reason could be a sick baby in intensive care that you are unable to hold, a multiple birth, an adoption, feeling overwhelmed at the arrival of your baby, sheer exhaustion after childbirth, a traumatic birth, or any number of factors.It’s quite normal, and experts say that it’s really important not to feel guilty over something that you have no control over. In fact, increased stress levels over the issue

are counter-productive to relaxing into a relationship with your child.

How to create – or strengthen – that bondExperts recommend skin-to-skin touch immediately after birth, for both mum and dad, to start the bonding process. But bonding happens in many ways over time. When you look at your newborn, touch her skin, feed her, and care for her, you’re bonding. Rocking your baby to sleep or stroking her back can establish your new relationship and make her feel more comfortable. When you gaze at your newborn, she will look back at you. In mothers who breastfeed, their baby’s cries will stimulate the let-down of milk. For many parents, bonding is a byproduct of everyday care giving. You may not even know it’s happening until you observe your baby’s first smile and suddenly realise that you’re filled with love and joy.

The importance of bondingThe parent-child bond is a key factor in the way that your infant’s brain organises itself and influences their social, emotional, intellectual and physical development. A secure bond provides your baby with an optimal foundation for life: eagerness to learn, healthy self-awareness, trust, and consideration for others. An insecure attachment bond – one that fails to meet your infant’s need for safety and understanding – can lead to identity confusion, learning difficulties, and a struggle to relate to others in later life.

Dads and adoptive parentsBonding frequently occurs on a different timetable for dads and adoptive parents, partially because they don’t have the early contact of breastfeeding that many mothers have.There are many ways to start and strengthen that bond, and the earlier the better. Where

possible:• Participate in the labour and delivery of

your child.• Feeding: where baby isn’t being breast- fed,

bottle feeding (either formula or expressed breast milk) helps establish a bond.

• Read or sing to baby.• Give baby a bath.• Mirror baby’s movements.• Mimic baby’s cooing and other

vocalisations — the first efforts at communication.

• Use a front-baby carrier during routine activities.

• Let baby feel the different textures of your face.

baby & toddler

Bonding with your baby


Research over the past few decades shows that kids in the Western world are disengaging from mathematics by middle school (intermediate age) and not regaining that interest. The question is, why?

University of Sydney researcher Andrew Martin set out to investigate why kids are switching off to maths in his 2012 report published in the Journal of Educational Psychology. And he believes that with some effort, both parents and teachers can turn the situation around.The results of his study, based on 1601 Australian middle school students from 200 classrooms in 33 schools, showed that the key factor turning kids off maths is self-efficacy: students’ sense that they are competent and able enough to solve mathematical problems. The second element critical to switching students onto maths is the value they attach to the subject, and the third element is students’ love (or lack of love) for the subject. Martin recommended that to foster and encourage kids in maths, that teachers and parents “restructure learning so as to maximise opportunities for success,” by building on skills that students have already mastered, and helping kids set challenging but realistic goals: a challenge that is well-matched to a child’s skill level, with clear goals and unambiguous feedback.Also, parents can demonstrate that maths

is important in the real world, and make themselves a positive role model for valuing math. In fact, parents’ own interest in math is another important component that Martin identified as important to a child’s interest in math. Did you, as a parent, hate math and pass on that attitude to your kids, for example?

Here are some tips to foster a love for maths in your child:• Buy your children lego

Building with Lego helps kids to conceptualise big, complex abstractions from small basic parts.

• Buy your children the card game Set

Multiple mathematicians have cited the card game Set as particularly inspiring, according to Business Insider. The game provokes the ideas of permutations, combinations and probability. And there is a very good app for it.

• Origami

Origami is not only a fun and colourful art project: it also conditions a love of geometry, which is especially great for tactile learners.

• Use everyday situations

Ask your kids wide open questions that involve estimation and math, as opposed

to the specific questions that they get at school. For example, “how long will it take to fill this pool?” This kind of open-ended puzzle is tantalising and incorporates a variety of math skills.

• Teach your child to play chess

Chess has relatively straight-forward rules that remove chance and build analytical, problem-solving skills.

• Familiarise yourself with learning standards

If you know what your child is learning, it

will be easier to complement those skills with home activities. Plus, you might even get to up-skill yourself.

• Be an example Many parents hated math at school –

try not pass on that attitude to your child. Show that you are confident with routine mathematical tasks like balancing your bank statement. Point out the usefulness of math in everyday life, and the amazing careers that math can lead to – architecture, medicine, fashion design, computer programming, and more.

Reengaging kids in maths

“Did you, as a parent, hate math and pass on that attitude to your

kids?”

numberworksnwords.co.nz

Birkenhead Ph 418 0950East Coast Bays Ph 478 7130Henderson Ph 836 3123Howick Ph 535 1926Manukau Ph 262 1241Remuera Ph 522 0810Takapuna Ph 489 8388Three Kings Ph 625 8091

YOUR CHILDREN ARE

AMAZING ALREADY.

WE JUST HELP THEM

PROVE IT.

From New Entrant to Year 11, NumberWorks’nWords after-school tuition brings out the best in Kiwi students by:

• tailoring lessons according to each individual’s needs

• setting achievable goals and monitoring their progress

• developing our own programmes using only qualifi ed Maths and English experts

M

a

t

h

s

&

E

n

g

l

i

s

h

F

R

E

E

A

S

S

E

S

S

M

E

N

T

–

B

O

O

K

N

O

W

!

ERO BOOKLETS FOR PARENTS

The Education Review Office (ERO) has published a set of booklets for parents.

The booklets cover a range of topics and give parents questions they can ask at school.

Contact for copies or visit our website:

[email protected]

www.ero.govt.nz

French classesfor children, teens & adults

Holiday programmes

"Give your child a precious asset:the gift of another language."

www.alliance-francaise.co.nz(09) 376 0009

9A Kirk Street, Grey Lynn

family times auckland autumn 2015

Documents