ed batista, the art of self-coaching @ innerspace, june 2016
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Slide 1
The art of
Photo by Seth Anderson [link]self-coaching
Ed BatistaJune 23, 2016InnerSpace
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Intro & warmup35 minsChange & mindset35 minsEmotion25 minsBreakTools & emotional style60 minsEmotion management40 minsClosing20 mins AgendaPhoto by Theresa Thompson [link]
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Short lecturesExperiential exercisesCoaching conversations How will we getPhoto by Theresa Thompson [link]
there?
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Who am I?
Executive coachInstructor @StanfordBizContributor @HarvardBizMore at www.edbatista.com
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So what is
coaching?
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So what is
Not diagnostic (Theres your problem)Not mentoring (Heres some advice)Coachee owns the agendaCoachee has the answerscoaching?Read More
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& self-coaching?
Guiding our own growth & developmentEnhance capabilities over timeBetter choices in-the-momentSelf-directed SolitaryPartners are essential
Read More
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Why coaching
matters to me
Started as a clientChanged my view of leadershipImpact on hundreds of clients & MBA students
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Why self-coaching
does, too
Learning anxiety Psychological safety
All factors influencedby our mental models
Change
Photo by ezioman [link]
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Photo by Mike Disharoon [link]
Carol Dweck, StanfordA mental model about ourselvesHow do we perceive our abilities?How do we perceive our mistakes?
Mindset
Read More
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Mindset
Adapted from Carol Dweck [link]FixedGrowthAbilitiesInherentPlasticMistakesFlawsOpportunitiesResponseNegativeNeutral
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Mindset
Adapted from Carol Dweck [link]FixedGrowthAgencyDiminishedHeightenedSeekingApprovalChallengesRiskAverseTolerant
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Change, mindset
& self-coaching
Signs of a fixed or growth mindsetRecognize it as a mental modelOne to challenge or affirm
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Change, mindset
A fixed mindset can be comfortingLetting go can be threateningChange requires safety& self-coaching
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Change, mindset
Mistakes & setbacks = Learning opportunitiesNew attitude or behavior New identitySelf-definition = Work-in-progress& self-coaching
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Reflect
Photo by Elade Manu [link]
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Reflect
What factors are driving change in my life?What makes change feel daunting?In what ways do I hold a fixed mindset?In what ways do I hold a growth mindset?How does all this impact my ability to change?
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Another exercise
Photo by Christopher Michel [link]
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Any feelings?
(Literally)Physical sensationsHead, heart, hands, gut & anywhere else
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Any feelings?
HAPPYContentFulfilledJoyfulCARINGWarmTouchedEmpatheticEXCITEDInterestedEngagedEnergizedVULNERABLEEmbarrassedGuiltyAshamedSADDownDejectedHopelessSCAREDTenseNervousAnxiousANGRYIrritatedResentfulUpsetINADEQUATEIneffectiveLackingWeak
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Why do that?
Photo by Ken Stewart [link]
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A premise
Photo by Garry Knight [link]
Emotions =The heart ofself-coaching(& a key to leadership)
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Emotion
Photo by Jill M [link]
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Emotion
Antonio Damasio, USCWhat purpose do emotions serve?What role do they play in reasoning?Read More
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Emotion
Emotions evolved to support survivalUncontrolled emotion can lead us astray
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Emotion
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Emotion
Emotion is integral to reasoningEssential for efficient decision-making
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Emotion
Victor Johnston, New Mexico St.Discriminant hedonic amplifiersBoost signals in our mental landscapeThis is why
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Emotions are
attention magnetsPhoto by Garrett Mace [link]
10:20
Illustrate model with a personal story.38
Emotion
Joseph LeDoux, NYUA quick and dirty signalNeural pathways transmit emotion 2xBut speed has a price
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Emotion
Photo by Ed Yourdon [link]
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Emotion
Rapid triggeringReflexive responsesSensing Comprehension
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Emotion
Display rulesDont be so emotionalDisclosing feelings Vulnerable
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Coaching tools
Photo by zzpza [link]
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Coaching tools
Ask, Listen, EmpathizeRead More
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Coaching tools
AskEdgar ScheinHelp doesnt always helpWhats a better way to provide support?
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Modes of inquiry
Photo by Garry Knight [link]
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Modes of inquiry
1. Pure inquiryBegin with receptivityAvoid presumptive questionsAdapted from Edgar Schein [link]
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Modes of inquiry
1. Pure inquiry2. Diagnostic inquiryFocus & redirectFeelings, motives, actionsAdapted from Edgar Schein [link]
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Modes of inquiry
1. Pure inquiry2. Diagnostic inquiry3. Confrontational inquiryIntroduce new ideas & hypothesesChallenge the coachees narrativeAdapted from Edgar Schein [link]
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Modes of inquiry
1. Pure inquiry2. Diagnostic inquiry3. Confrontational inquiryWe tend to move too quicklyCritical to check our assumptionsAdapted from Edgar Schein [link]
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Ask better
Photo by Alexander Drachman [link]questions
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Ask better
Get beyond Yes or NoWhat? & How? > Why?More reflection, less defensiveness
questions
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Ask better
Avoid leading questionsThats advocacy, not coaching
questions
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Ask better
AlsoAsk once & stop
questions
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Coaching tools
Ask, Listen
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Listening skills
Photo by Ed Yourdon [link]
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Listening skills
Hearing ListeningMake them feel heardHow they feel > What you hear
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Listening skills
Focused attention > TimeCultivate presenceEye contactNo multi-taskingEliminate distractions
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Coaching tools
Ask, Listen, EmpathizeBren BrownWhat roles do shame & empathy play?Read More
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Shame &
empathyPhoto by Tuomas Puikkonen [link]
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Shame &
Shame = We are flawed & unworthy of loveEmpathy = The antidote to shameempathy
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Shame &
Shame = Unravels relationships & connectionsEmpathy = Creates closeness & meaningempathy
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Shame &
Seeking help typically triggers shame(or embarrassment or vulnerability)empathy
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Shame &
But typical helping responses block empathy1. Look on the bright side2. My problems worse3. Heres some adviceempathy
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Shame &
Instead1. Avoid judgments2. Sense & validate emotions3. Convey understanding ( Agreement)empathy
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Emotion
Photo by Jill M [link]
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Emotional style
Richard Davidson, Univ. of WisconsinWhat is the neurological basis for emotion?
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Photo courtesy University of Wisconsin [link] Emotional style
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Emotional style
Prefrontal cortex involved in emotionEmotions tied to specific neural pathways
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Emotional style
6 dimensions of emotional styleRooted in measurable neurological activity
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6 dimensions
AttentionContext-SensitivityOutlookRecovery TimeSelf-AwarenessSocial Intuition
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Photo by Philip Bird [link] Attention
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Photo by Philip Bird [link]
Attention
Sharpness/clarity of focusAbility to avoid distractionsPrefrontal cortex boosts & dampens signals
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Photo by Philip Bird [link] Attention
---------------------------------------------------------Unfocused, may be Intensely focused,easily distracted ormay lose awarenessoverly impulsiveor lack spontaneity
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Photo by Vincent Lock [link] Context-
sensitivity
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Context-
Discern differences in social environments Regulate responses accordinglyHippocampus activityPFC-hippocampus connections
sensitivityPhoto by Vincent Lock [link]
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Photo by Vincent Lock [link] Context-
---------------------------------------------------------Unable to discern Highly sensitive tosocial differences & minute differences inact accordingly social environmentsensitivity
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Photo by Ivan Walsh [link] Outlook
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Photo by Ivan Walsh [link] Outlook
Ability to sustain positive emotionReward circuit = PFC & nucleus accumbens
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Photo by Ivan Walsh [link] Outlook
---------------------------------------------------------Highly pessimistic, Highly optimistic,difficulty sustaining may be resistant topositive feelings negative data
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Photo by Eric Richardson [link] Recovery time
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Photo by Eric Richardson [link] Recovery time
Speed of recovery from adverse experiencesPrefrontal cortex activityPFC-amygdala connections
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Photo by Eric Richardson [link] Recovery time
---------------------------------------------------------Fast to recover, may Slow to recover,fail to register or may feel defeatedlearn from setbacks by minor setbacks
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Photo by Seattle Yoga News [link]
Self-awareness
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Photo by Seattle Yoga News [link]
Self-awareness
Ability to perceive physical aspects of emotionInsula activity
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Photo by Seattle Yoga News [link]
Self-awareness
---------------------------------------------------------Out of touch with Hyper-aware, may bephysical cues that distracted by physicalaccompany emotion cues & emotions
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Social intuition
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Social intuition
Sense others emotional responsesFusiform gyrus activityAmygdala activity
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Social intuition
---------------------------------------------------------Puzzled by others Highly intuitive, mayresponses, socially be overly sensitive toobtuse or insensitive others responses
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A caveat
Photo by Sue Clark [link]
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A caveat
A map is not the territory it represents.~Alford Korzybski
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Whats optimal?
Photo by Sutha Kamal [link]
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Emotion
Photo by Sharon Mollerus [link]management
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Emotion
NOT suppression
management
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Emotion
1. Sense physically2. Comprehend accurately3. Articulate & express effectivelyWhat helps?
management
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Some more tools
Photo by zzpza [link]
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Some more tools
ReframingSelf-soothingTalking about feelings
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Reframing
Photo by Rodrigo Baptista [link]
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Reframing
Cognitive reappraisalKevin Ochsner, ColumbiaJames Gross & Rebecca Ray, StanfordHow do our thoughts influence our experience?
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Reframing
The meanings we assign Emotional responseRe-interpret a situation Shift our emotionsOur mental models shape our experiences
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Self-soothing
Photo by Amanda Patsopoulou [link]
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Self-soothing
Physiological modificationChange our emotional stateResponse modificationChoose how we express emotion
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Self-soothing
Deeper, slower breathsSpeak more slowly & monitor toneSense our non-verbals & body languageShift focus of our attention
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Talking about
Photo by Garry Knight [link]feelings
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Talking about
feelings
Affect labelingDisrupts negative emotionTalking about emotion > Thinking about emotionRead More
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Not rocket
sciencePhoto by Michael Seeley [link]
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Not rocket
science
Simple to understandHard to put into practiceHow can we make it easier?
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Get MESSy
Photo by Paul Colley [link]
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Get MESSy
MindfulnessExerciseSleep hygieneStress reduction
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Get MESSy
Mindfulness
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Mindfulness
Photo by Strevo [link]
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Mindfulness
Non-judgmentalawareness& acceptanceof experience
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Mindfulness
The most powerful self-coaching toolCritical to emotion management
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Meditation?
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Meditation
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Meditation
A workout, not a breakConsistent practice is keyTry 1 minute per day & work up
Read More
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Other paths to
JournalingTime in nature (1 hour/week)Certain types of exercise (no music)Any regular practice that promotes reflectionmindfulnessRead More
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Exercise
Photo by Gregor Winter [link]
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Exercise
Emotions are physiological experiencesMind/body integration Hippie bullshit
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Sleep hygiene
Photo by Drriss & Marrionn [link]
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Sleep hygiene
Being prepared then = Having the answerBeing prepared now = Being at your best
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Stress reduction
Photo by xeubix [link]
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Stress reduction
Boundaries, not balanceLead more, do lessFocusRead More
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Investments
(Not indulgences)Photo by Steven Depolo [link]
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To sum upPhoto by Pranav Yaddanapudi [link]
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To sum up
Mental models matterChange requires safetyMindset influences performance
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To sum up
Emotions are attention magnetsEmotion management SuppressionMindfulness = Essential for self-coaching
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To sum up
Consider your emotional styleBuild management capacity (Get MESSy)Find coaching partners (& help them help you)
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Thank you!
Photo by Seth Anderson [link]www.bitly.com/SelfCoachingCoursewww.edbatista.com@edbatista
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