DREAMSOFDESTINY

Aconsistentmanbelievesindestiny,acapriciousmaninchance.BENJAMINDISRAELIWeallhavedreams...Weallwanttobelievedeepdowninoursoulsthatwe

haveaspecialgift,thatwecanmakeadifference,thatwecantouchothersinaspecialway,andthatwecanmaketheworldabetterplace.Atonetimeinourlives,weallhadavisionforthequalityoflifethatwedesireanddeserve.Yet,formanyofus, thosedreamshavebecomesoshrouded in thefrustrationsandroutinesofdailylifethatwenolongerevenmakeanefforttoaccomplishthem.Forfartoomany,thedreamhasdissipated—andwithit,sohasthewilltoshapeour destinies.Many have lost that sense of certainty that creates thewinner'sedge.My life'squesthasbeen to restore thedreamand tomake it real, togeteachofustorememberandusetheunlimitedpowerthatliessleepingwithinusall.I´llneverforgetthedayitreallyhitmethatIwastrulylivingmydream.Iwasflyingmy jet helicopter from a businessmeeting in LosAngeles, traveling toOrangeCountyon theway to oneofmy seminars.As I flewover the city ofGlendale, I suddenly recognized a large building, and I stopped the helicopterandhoveredaboveit.AsIlookeddown,IrealizedthiswasthebuildingthatI'dworkedinasajanitorameretwelveyearsago!Inthosedays,Ihadbeenconcernedwhethermy1960Volkswagenwouldhangtogetherforthe30-minutetriptowork,mylifehadbeenfocusedonhowIwasgoingtosurvive;Ihadfeltfearfulandalone.Butthatday,asIhoveredthereinthe sky, I thought, "Whatadifferenceadecadecanmake!" Ididhavedreamsbackthen,butatthetime,itseemedthey'dneverberealized.Today,though,I'vecometobelievethatallmypastfailureandfrustrationwereactuallylayingthefoundationfortheunderstandingsthathavecreatedthenewleveloflivingInowenjoy.AsIcontinuedmyflightsouthalongthecoastalroute,Ispotteddolphinsplayingwiththesurfersinthewavesbelow.It'sasightthatmywife,Becky,andItreasureasoneoflife'sspecialgifts.Finally,IreachedIrvine.Lookingbelow,IwasalittledisturbedwhenIsawthattheofframptomyseminarwasjammedwithbumper-to-bumpertrafficformorethanamile.1thoughttomyself,"Boy,Ihope whatever else is going on tonight gets started soon so that the peoplecomingtomyseminararriveontime."But as I descended to the helipad, I began to see a newpicture: thousands ofpeoplebeingheldbackbysecuritywhere Iwas justabout to land.Suddenly I

began tograsp the reality.The traffic jamhadbeencausedbypeoplegoing tomy event! Although we had expected approximately 2,000 attendees, I wasfacingacrowdof7,000—inanauditoriumthatwouldholdonly5,000!WhenIwalked into the arena from the landingpad, Iwas surroundedbyhundreds ofpeoplewhowanted to giveme a hug or tellme howmywork had positivelyimpactedtheirlives.Thestoriestheysharedwithmewereincredible.Onemotherintroducedmetoher sonwhohadbeen labeled "hyperactive" and "learningdisabled."Utilizingtheprinciplesofstatemanagementtaughtinthisbook,shewasnotonlyabletoget him off the drug Ritalin, but they had also since been transferred toCaliforniawherehersonhadbeenretestedandevaluatedatthelevelofgenius!Youshouldhaveseenhisfaceasshesharedwithmehisnewlabel.AgentlemantalkedabouthowhehadfreedhimselffromcocaineusingsomeoftheSuccessConditioning techniquesyou'll learn in thisbook.Acouple in theirmid-fiftiessharedwithmethat,afterfifteenyearsofmarriage,theyhadbeenonthebrinkofdivorceuntil theylearnedaboutpersonalrules.Asalesmantoldmehowhismonthlyincomehadjumpedfrom$2,000toover$12,000inameresixmonths,andanentrepreneurrelatedthathehadincreasedcorporaterevenuesbyover$3million ineighteenmonthsbyapplying theprinciplesofqualityquestionsandemotional management. A lovely young woman showed me a picture of herformerself,havinglostfifty-twopoundsbyapplyingtheprinciplesofleveragethataredetailedinthisbook.IwastouchedsodeeplybytheemotionsinthatroomthatIgotchokedup,andatfirstIcouldn'tspeak.AsIlookedoutonmyaudienceandsaw5,000smiling,cheering, loving faces, in that moment I realized that I am livingmy dream!WhatafeelingtoknowthatbeyondashadowofadoubtIhadtheinformation,strategies, philosophies, and skills that could assist anyoneof thesepeople inempowering themselves to make the changes they desired most! A flood ofimagesandemotionsflowedoverme.IbegantorememberanexperienceI'dhadonly a few years before, sitting in my 400-square-foot bachelor apartment inVenice, California, all alone and crying as I listened to the lyrics of a NeilDiamondsong:"Iam,Isaid,tonoonethere.Andnooneheardatall,noteventhechair. I am, I cried. I am, said I.And I am lost, and I can't even saywhy,leavin'melonelystill."Irememberedfeelinglikemylifedidn'tmatter,asiftheeventsof theworldwerecontrollingme. Ialso remember themomentmy lifechanged,themomentIfinallysaid,"I'vehadit!IknowI'mmuchmorethanI'mdemonstrating mentally, emotionally, and physically in my life." I made adecisioninthatmomentwhichwastoaltermylifeforever.Idecidedtochangevirtually every aspect ofmy life. I decided Iwouldnever again settle for less

thanIcouldbe.Whowouldhaveguessedthatthisdecisionwouldbringmetosuchanincrediblemoment?Igavemyallattheseminarthatnight,andwhenIlefttheauditorium,crowdsofpeoplefollowedmetothehelicoptertoseemeoff.TosayIwasdeeplymovedbytheexperiencewouldbeanunderstatement.AtearsliddownmycheekasIthanked my Creator for these wonderful gifts. As I lifted off the grass andascendedintothemoonlight,Ihadtopinchmyself.Couldthisbereal?AmIthesame guy who eight years ago was struggling, frustrated, feeling alone andincapable ofmakingmy lifework?Fat, broke, andwondering if I could evensurvive? How could a young kid like me with nothing but a high schooleducationhavecreatedsuchdramaticchanges?Myanswerissimple:IlearnedtoharnesstheprincipleInowcallconcentrationofpower.Mostpeoplehaveno ideaof thegiant capacitywecan immediatelycommandwhenwefocusallofourresourcesonmasteringasingleareaofourlives.Controlled focus is like a laser beam that can cut through anything thatseemstobestoppingyou.Whenwefocusconsistentlyonimprovementinanyarea,wedevelopuniquedistinctionsonhowtomakethatareabetter.Onereasonsofewofusachievewhatwe trulywant is thatweneverdirectour focus;weneverconcentrateourpower.Mostpeopledabble theirway through life,neverdeciding tomaster anything inparticular. In fact, I believemostpeople fail inlifesimplybecausetheymajorinminorthings.Ibelievethatoneoflife'smajorlessons is learning to understandwhatmakes us dowhatwedo.What shapeshumanbehavior?Theanswers to thisquestionprovidecriticalkeys toshapingyourowndestiny.Myentirelifehasbeencontinuallydrivenbyasingular,compellingfocus:Whatmakes the difference in the quality of people's lives? How is it that so oftenpeople from such humble beginnings and devastating backgroundsmanage inspiteofitall tocreatelivesthatinspireus?Conversely,whydomanyofthoseborn into privileged environments, with every resource for success at theirfingertips, end up fat, frustrated, and often chemically addicted?Whatmakessomepeople's lives an example andothers' awarning?What is the secret thatcreatespassionate,happy,andgratefullivesinmany,whileforotherstherefrainmightbe,"Isthatallthereis?"Myownmagnificentobsessionbeganwithsomesimplequestions:"HowcanItake immediate control of my life? What can I do today that can make adifference—that could helpme and others to shape our destinies? How can Iexpand,learn,grow,andsharethatknowledgewithothersinameaningfulandenjoyableway?"At a very early age, I developed a belief that we're all here to contribute

somethingunique,thatdeepwithineachofusliesaspecialgift.Yousee,Itrulybelieveweallhaveasleepinggiantwithinus.Eachofushasatalent,agift,ourownbitofgeniusjustwaitingtobetapped.Itmightbeatalentforartormusic.Itmightbeaspecialwayofrelatingtotheonesyoulove.Itmightbeageniusforsellingorinnovatingorreachingoutinyourbusinessoryourcareer.Ichooseto believe that our Creator doesn't play favorites, that we've all been createdunique,butwithequalopportunitiesforexperiencinglifetothefullest.IdecidedmanyyearsagothatthemostimportantwayIcouldspendmylifewouldbetoinvest it in something that would outlast it. I decided that somehow I mustcontributeinsomewaythatwouldliveonlongafterIwasgone.Today, I have the incredible privilege of sharing my ideas and feelings withliterallymillionsofpeoplethroughmybooks, tapes,andtelevisionshows.I'vepersonallyworkedwithoveraquarterofamillionpeopleinthelastfewyearsalone. I've assistedmembers ofCongress,CEOs, presidents of companies andcountries, managers and mothers, salespeople, accountants, lawyers, doctors,psychiatrists,counselors,andprofessionalathletes.I'veworkedwithphobics,theclinicallydepressed,peoplewithmultiplepersonalities,and thosewho thoughttheyhadnopersonality.NowIhavetheuniquegoodfortuneofsharingthebestofwhat I've learnedwithyou,and for thatopportunity Iam trulygratefulandexcited.Throughitall,I'vecontinuedtorecognizethepowerindividualshavetochangevirtuallyanythingandeverythingintheirlivesinaninstant.I'velearnedthattheresourcesweneedtoturnourdreamsintorealityarewithinus,merelywaitingfor the daywhenwe decide towake up and claimour birthright. Iwrote thisbook for one reason: to be a wake-up call that will challenge those who arecommitted to living and beingmore to tap their God-given power. There areideasandstrategiesinthisbooktohelpyouproducespecific,measurable,long-lastingchangesinyourselfandothers.You see, I believe I know who you really are. I believe you and I must bekindred souls. Your desire to expand has brought you to this book. It is theinvisiblehandthatguidedyou.Iknowthatnomatterwhereyouareinyourlife,youwantmore!Nomatterhowwellyou'realreadydoingorhowchallengedyounowmaybe,deep insideofyou there liesabelief thatyourexperienceof lifecanandwillbemuchgreater thanitalreadyis.Youaredestinedforyourownunique formofgreatness,whether it isasanoutstandingprofessional, teacher,businessperson,mother, or father.Most importantly, younot onlybelieve this,but you've taken action.Younot only bought this book, but you're also doingsomething right now that unfortunately is unique—you're reading it! Statisticsshow that less than 10 percent of people who buy a book read past the first

chapter.What anunbelievablewaste!This is agiantbook thatyoucanuse toproducegiant results inyour life.Clearly,you're thekindofpersonwhowon'tcheat yourself by dabbling. By consistently taking advantage of each of thechaptersinthisbook,you'llensureyourabilitytomaximizeyourpotential.Ichallengeyounotonlytodowhateverittakestoreadthisbookinitsentirety(unlikethemasseswhoquit)butalsotousewhatyoulearninsimplewayseachday.Thisistheall-importantstepthat'snecessaryforyoutoproducetheresultsyou'recommittedto.

HOWTOCREATELASTINGCHANGE

Forchangestobeofanytruevalue,they'vegottobelastingandconsistent.We've all experienced change for a moment, only to feel let down anddisappointedintheend.Infact,manypeopleattemptchangewithasenseoffearand dread because unconsciously they believe the changes will only betemporary.Aprimeexampleofthisissomeonewhoneedstobegindieting,butfinds himself putting it off, primarily because he unconsciously knows thatwhateverpainheenduresinordertocreatethe changewill bring him only a short-term reward. Formost ofmy life I'vepursuedwhat I consider to be theorganizingprinciples of lasting change, andyou'lllearnmanyoftheseandhowtoutilizetheminthepagesthatfollow.Butfornow,I'dliketosharewithyouthreeelementaryprinciplesofchangethatyouandIcanuseimmediatelytochangeourlives.Whiletheseprinciplesaresimple,theyarealsoextremelypowerfulwhentheyareskillfullyapplied.Thesearetheexactsamechangesthatanindividualmustmake inorder tocreatepersonalchange, thatacompanymustmakeinordertomaximizeitspotential,andthatacountrymustmakeinordertocarve out its place in the world. In fact, as a world community these are thechangesthatweallmustmaketopreservethequalityoflifearoundtheglobe.STEPONE

RaiseYourStandardsAnytimeyousincerelywanttomakeachange,thefirstthingyoumustdoistoraise your standards.When people askmewhat really changedmy life eightyears ago, I tell them that absolutely the most important thing was changingwhatIdemandedofmyself.IwrotedownallthethingsIwouldnolongeracceptinmy life, all the things I would no longer tolerate, and all the things that Iaspiredtobecoming.Thinkof thefar-reachingconsequencesset inmotionbymenandwomenwhoraised their standardsandacted inaccordancewith them,deciding theywouldtolerate no less. History chronicles the inspiring examples of people likeLeonardo daVinci,AbrahamLincoln,HelenKeller,MahatmaGandhi,MartinLuther King, Jr., Rosa Parks, Albeit Einstein, Cesar Chavez, Soichiro Honda,and many others who took the magnificently powerful step of raising theirstandards.Thesamepowerthatwasavailabletothemisavailabletoyou,ifyouhavethecouragetoclaimit.Changinganorganization,acompany,acountry—

oraworld—beginswiththesimplestepofchangingyourself.STEPTWO

ChangeYourLimitingBeliefsIfyou raiseyour standardsbutdon't reallybelieveyoucanmeet them,you'vealreadysabotagedyourself.Youwon'teven try;you'llbe lacking that senseofcertaintythatallowsyoutotapthedeepestcapacitythat'swithinyouevenasyoureadthis.Ourbeliefsarelikeunquestionedcommands,tellingushowthingsare,what'spossibleandwhat'simpossible,whatwecanandcannotdo.Theyshapeeveryaction, every thought, andevery feeling thatweexperience.Asa result,changingourbeliefsystemsiscentraltomakinganyrealandlastingchangeinour lives.Wemustdevelopa senseofcertainty thatwecanandwillmeet thenewstandardsbeforeweactuallydo.Without takingcontrolofyourbelief systems,youcan raiseyour standardsasmuch as you like, but you'll never have the conviction to back themup.HowmuchdoyouthinkGandhiwouldhaveaccomplishedhadhenotbelievedwithevery fiber of his being in the power of nonviolent opposition? It was thecongruence of his beliefs which gave him access to his inner resources andenabled him to meet challenges which would have swayed a less committedman.Empoweringbeliefs—thissenseofcertainty—istheforcebehindanygreatsuccessthroughouthistory.STEPTHREE

ChangeYourStrategyIn order to keep your commitment, you need the best strategies for achievingresults.Oneofmycorebeliefsisthatifyousetahigherstandard,andyoucanget yourself to believe, then you certainly can figure out the strategies. Yousimplywillfindaway.Ultimately,that'swhatthiswholebookisabout.Itshowsyoustrategiesforgettingthejobdone,andI'lltellyounowthatthebeststrategyin almost any case is to find a role-model, someonewho's already getting theresultsyouwant,and then tap into theirknowledge.Learnwhat they'redoing,what their core beliefs are, and how they think. Not onlywill thismake youmoreeffective, itwillalsosaveyouahugeamountof timebecauseyouwon'thave to reinvent thewheel.You can fine-tune it, reshape it, and perhaps evenmakeitbetter.Thisbookwillprovideyouwiththeinformationandimpetustocommittoall

three of thesemaster principles of quality change: it will help you raise yourstandards by discoveringwhat they currently are and realizingwhat youwantthem tobe; itwillhelpyouchange thecorebeliefs thatarekeepingyou fromwhereyouwanttogoandenhancethosethatalreadyserveyou;anditwillassist

you in developing a series of strategies for more elegantly, quickly, andefficientlyproducingtheresultsyoudesire.Yousee,inlife,lotsofpeopleknowwhattodo,butfewpeopleactuallydowhattheyknow.Knowingisnotenough!Youmusttakeaction.Ifyouwillallowmetheopportunity,throughthisbookI'llbeyourpersonalcoach.Whatdocoachesdo?Well,first,theycareaboutyou.They'vespentyearsfocusingonaparticularareaofexpertise,and they'vecontinued tomakekeydistinctionsabouthowtoproduceresultsmorequickly.Byutilizingthestrategiesyourcoachshareswithyou, you can immediately and dramatically change your performance.Sometimes,yourcoachdoesn'teventellyousomethingnew,butremindsyouofwhatyoualreadyknow,and thengetsyou todo it.This is the role,withyourpermission,thatI'llbeplayingforyou.Onwhat,specifically,willIbecoachingyou?I'llofferyoudistinctionsofpowerinhowtocreate lasting improvements in thequalityofyour life.Together,wewill concentrateon (notdabble in!) themasteryof the five areasof life that Ibelieveimpactusmost.Theyare:1.EmotionalMasteryMastering this lessonalonewill takeyoumostof theway towardmastering

theotherfour!Thinkaboutit.Whydoyouwanttoloseweight?Isitjusttohaveless fatonyourbody?Or is itbecauseof thewayyou thinkyou'd feel ifyoufreed yourself of those unwanted pounds, giving yourself more energy andvitality, making yourself feel more attractive to others, and boosting yourconfidenceandself-esteemtothestratosphere?Virtuallyeverythingwedoistochangethewaywefeel—yetmostofushavelittleornotraininginhowtodothisquicklyandeffectively.It'samazinghow often we use the intelligence at our command to work ourselves intounresourceful emotional states, forgetting about themultitude of innate talentseachof us alreadypossesses.Toomanyof us leaveourselves at themercyofoutsideeventsoverwhichwemayhavenocontrol,failingtotakechargeofouremotions—overwhichwe have all the control—and relying instead on short-termquickfixes.Howelsecanweexplainthefactthat,whilelessthan5percentof theworld'spopulation lives in theUnitedStates,weconsumemore than50percent of the world's cocaine? Or that our national defense budget, whichcurrently runs in the billions, is equaled by what we spend on alcoholconsumption? Or that 15 million Americans are diagnosed every year asclinically depressed, and more than $500 million worth of prescriptions arewrittenfortheantidepressantdrugProzac?Inthisbook,youwilldiscoverwhatmakesyoudowhatyoudo,andthetriggers

for theemotionsyouexperiencemostoften.Youwill thenbegivenastep-by-stepplan toshowyouhowto identifywhichemotionsareempowering,whichare disempowering, and how to use both kinds to your best advantage so thatyour emotionsbecomenot ahindrance, but instead apowerful tool inhelpingyouachieveyourhighestpotential.2.PhysicalMasteryIs it worth it to have everything you've ever dreamed of, yet not have the

physicalhealth tobeable toenjoy it?Doyouwakeupeverymorning feelingenergized,powerful,andreadytotakeonanewday?Ordoyouwakeupfeelingastiredasthenightbefore,riddledwithaches,andresentfulathavingtostartalloveragain?Willyourcurrent lifestylemakeyoua statistic?Oneofevery twoAmericans dies of coronary disease; one of three dies of cancer. To borrow aphrasefromtheseventeenth-centuryphysician ThomasMoffett, we are "digging our graves with our teeth" as wecram our bodies with high-fat, nutritionally empty foods, poison our systemswithcigarettes,alcohol,anddrugs,andsitpassivelyinfrontofourTVsets.Thissecondmaster lessonwillhelpyoutakecontrolofyourphysicalhealthsothatyounotonly lookgood,butyou feelgoodandknow thatyou're in control ofyour life, in a body that radiates vitality and allows you to accomplish youroutcomes.3.RelationshipMasteryOtherthanmasteringyourownemotionsandphysicalhealth,thereisnothing

Icanthinkofthatismoreimportantthanlearningtomasteryourrelationships—romantic,family,business,andsocial.Afterall,whowants to learn,grow,andbecomesuccessfulandhappyallbythemselves?Thethirdmasterlessoninthisbookwill reveal the secrets toenableyou tocreatequality relationships—firstwithyourself, thenwithothers.Youwillbeginbydiscoveringwhatyouvaluemosthighly,whatyourexpectationsare,therulesbywhichyouplaythegameoflife,andhowitallrelatestotheotherplayers.Then,asyouachievemasteryofthisall-importantskill, you will learn how to connect with people at the deepest level and berewardedwithsomethingweallwanttoexperience:asenseofcontribution,ofknowingthatwehavemadeadifferenceinotherpeople'slives.I'vefoundthat,forme,thegreatestresourceisarelationshipbecauseitopensthedoorstoeveryresourceIneed.Masteryofthislessonwillgiveyouunlimitedresourcesforgrowingandcontributing.4.FinancialMastery

Bythetimetheyreachtheageofsixty-five,mostAmericansareeitherdeadbroke—ordead!That'shardlywhatmostpeopleenvisionforthemselvesastheylookaheadtothegoldenageofretirement.Yetwithouttheconvictionthatyoudeservefinancialwell-being,backedupbyaworkablegameplan,howcanyouturnyour treasuredscenario intoreality?Thefourthmaster lessonin thisbookwillteachyouhowtogobeyondthegoalofmeresurvivalinyourautumnyearsoflife,andevennow,forthatmatter.Becausewehavethegoodfortunetoliveinacapitalistsociety,eachof us has the capability to carry out our dreams. Yet most of us experiencefinancialpressureonanongoingbasis,andwefantasizethathavingmoremoneywouldrelievethatpressure.Thisisagrandculturaldelusion—letmeassureyouthatthemoremoneyyouhave,themorepressureyou'relikelytofeel.Thekeyisnotthemerepursuitofwealth,butchangingyourbeliefsandattitudesaboutitsoyouseeitasameansforcontribution,nottheend-allandbe-allforhappiness.To forge a financial destiny of abundance, youwill first learn how to changewhat causes scarcity in your life, and then how to experience on a consistentbasisthevalues,beliefs,andemotionsthatareessentialtoexperiencingwealthandholdingonto itandexpandingit.Thenyou'lldefineyourgoalsandshapeyour dreamswith an eye toward achieving the highest possible level ofwell-being, filling you with peace of mind and freeing you to look forward withexcitementtoallthepossibilitiesthatlifehastooffer.5.TimeMasteryMasterpieces take time.Yethowmanyofus reallyknowhowtouse it? I'm

not talkingabout timemanagement; I'm talkingaboutactually taking timeanddistortingit,manipulatingitsothatitbecomesyourallyratherthanyourenemy.The fifth master lesson in this book will teach you, first, how short-termevaluations can lead to long-term pain. You will learn how to make a realdecision and how to manage your desire for instantaneous gratification, thusallowingyourideas,yourcreations—evenyourownpotential—thetimetoreachfullfruition.Nextyou'lllearnhowtodesign the necessary maps and strategies for following up on your decision,making it a realitywith thewillingness to takemassiveaction, thepatience toexperience "lag time," and the flexibility to change your approach as often asneeded.Onceyouhavemastered time, youwill understandhow true it is thatmost people overestimate what they can accomplish in a year—andunderestimatewhattheycanachieveinadecade!I'mnotsharingtheselessonswithyoutosaythatIhavealltheanswersorthat

mylifehasbeenperfectorsmooth. I'vecertainlyhadmyshareofchallenging

times.Butthroughitall,I'vemanagedtolearn,persist,andcontinuallysucceedthroughouttheyears.EachtimeI'vemetachallenge,I'veusedwhatI've learnedto takemylife toanewlevel.And, likeyours,mylevelofmasteryinthesefiveareascontinuestoexpand.Also, livingmylifestylemaynotbetheanswerforyou.Mydreamsandgoalsmaynotbeyours. Ibelieve, though, that the lessonsI've learnedabouthowtoturn dreams into reality, how to take the intangible and make it real, arefundamentaltoachievinganylevelofpersonalorprofessionalsuccess.Iwrotethisbooktobeanactionguide—atextbookforincreasingthequalityofyourlifeand the amount of enjoyment that you can pull from it.While I'm obviouslyextremelyproudofmyfirstbook.UnlimitedPower,andtheimpact it'shadonpeopleallovertheworld,Ifeelthisbookwillbringyousomenewanduniquedistinctionsofpowerthatcanhelpyoumoveyourlifetothenextlevel.We'llbe reviewingsomeof the fundamentals, since repetition is themotherofskill.Therefore, Ihope thiswillbeabookyou'll readagainandagain,abookyou'llcomebacktoandutilizeasa tool totriggeryourself tofindtheanswersthatalready lie insideyou.Evenso, remember thatasyouread thisbook,youdon't have to believe or use everythingwithin it.Grab hold of the things youthinkareuseful;puttheminactionimmediately.Youwon'thavetoimplementall of the strategies or use all of the tools in this book to make some majorchanges.Allhave life-changingpotential individually;used together, however,theywillproduceexplosiveresults.Thisbookisfilledwiththestrategiesforachievingthesuccessyoudesire,withorganizingprinciplesthatIhavemodeledfromsomeofthemostpowerfulandinteresting people in our culture. I've had the unique opportunity to meet,interview,andmodelahugevarietyofpeople—peoplewithimpactanduniquecharacter—fromNormanCousinstoMichaelJackson,fromcoachJohnWoodentofinancialwizardJohnTempleton,fromthecaptainsofindustrytocabdrivers.Inthefollowingpages,you'llfindnotonlythebenefitsofmyownexperience,but that of the thousands of books, tapes, seminars, and interviews that I'veaccumulated over the last ten years of my life, as I continue the exciting,ongoingquestoflearningandgrowingalittlebitmore,everysingleday.Thepurposeofthisbookisnotjusttohelpyoumakeasingularchangeinyourlife,butrathertobeapivotpointthatcanassistyouintakingyourentirelifetoanewlevel.Thefocusofthisbookisoncreatingglobalchanges.WhatdoImeanbythis?Well,youcanlearntomakechangesinyourlife—overcomeafearoraphobia, increase the quality of a relationship, or overcome your pattern ofprocrastinating. All these are incredibly valuable skills, and if you've readUnlimited Power, you've already learned many of them. However, as you

continue through the following pages, you'll find that there are key leveragepoints within your life that, if you make one small change, will literallytransformeveryaspectofyourlife.Thisbookisdesignedtoofferyouthestrategiesthatcanhelpyoutocreate,live,andenjoythelifeyoucurrentlymayonlybedreamingof.Inthisbookyouwilllearn a seriesof simple and specific strategies for addressing the causeof anychallengeandchangingitwiththeleastamountofeffort.Forexample,itmightbehardforyoutobelievethatmerelybychangingonewordthatispartofyourhabitualvocabulary,youcouldimmediatelychangeyouremotionalpatternsforlife. Or that by changing the consistent questions that you consciously orunconsciouslyaskyourself,youcould instantlychangewhatyoufocusonandthereforewhatactionsyou takeeverydayofyour life.Or thatbymakingonebeliefchange,youcouldpowerfullychangeyourlevelofhappiness.Yetinthefollowingchaptersyou'lllearntomasterthesetechniques—andmanymore—toeffectthechangesyoudesire.Andsoit'swithgreatrespectthatIbeginthisrelationshipwithyouastogetherwebeginajourneyofdiscoveryandtheactualizationofourdeepestandtruestpotentials. Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, andresponsibilitytogivesomethingbackbybecomingmore.Solet'sbeginourjourneybyexploring..

DECISIONS:THEPATHWAYTOPOWERManisborntoliveandnottopreparetolive.

BORISPASTERNAKDoyou rememberwhen JimmyCarterwas still thePresident of theUnited

States, the Empire was striking back, Yoda and PacMan were the rage, andnothingcamebetweenBrookeShieldsandherCalvins?TheAyatollahKhomeinihadcometopowerinIranandheldourfellowAmericanshostage.InPoland,anelectricianfromtheGdanskshipyardsnamedLechWalesadidtheunthinkable:hedecidedtotakeastandagainsttheCommunisthold.Heledhisco-workersina strike, andwhen they tried to lock himout of his place ofwork, he simplyclimbedoverthewall.Alotofwallshavecomedownsincethen,haven'tthey?Doyou rememberhearing thenews that JohnLennonwasmurdered?Doyouremember whenMount Saint Helens erupted, leveling 150 squaremiles? DidyoucheerwhentheunderdogU.S.hockeyteambeattheSoviets,andwentontowintheOlympicgoldmedal?Thatwas1980,alittlemorethantenyearsago.Think for amoment.Wherewere you then?Whatwere you like?Whowereyour friends?Whatwere your hopes and dreams? If someone had asked you,"Wherewill yoube in tenor fifteenyears?"whatwouldyouhave told them?Areyou todaywhereyouwanted tobeback then?Adecadecanpassquickly,can'tit?More importantly,maybewe shouldbeaskingourselves, "Howam Igoing tolivethenexttenyearsofmylife?HowamIgoingtolivetodayinordertocreatethe tomorrow I'm committed to?What am I going to stand for fromnowon?What'simportanttomerightnow,andwhatwillbeimportanttomeinthelongterm?WhatactionscanItaketodaythatwillshapemyultimatedestiny?"You see, ten years from now, youwill surely arrive. The question is:Where?Whowillyouhavebecome?Howwillyoulive?Whatwillyoucontribute?Nowisthetimetodesignthenexttenyearsofyourlife—notoncethey'reover.Wemust seize the moment. We're already immersed in the early pan of a newdecade,andwe'reenteringthefinalyearsofthetwentiethcentury/Andshortlywe'll be in the twenty-first century, a newmillennium.The year 2000will beherebeforeyouknowit,andinameretenyears,you'llbelookingbackonthisdayandremembering it likeyoudo1980.Willyoubepleasedwhenyou lookbackonthenineties,orperturbed?Delighted,ordisturbed?In the beginning of 1980,1 was a nineteen-year-old kid. I felt alone andfrustrated.Ihadvirtuallynofinancialresources.Therewerenosuccesscoaches

available to me, no successful friends or mentors, no clear-cut goals. I wasflounderingandfat.YetwithinafewshortyearsIdiscoveredapowerthatIusedtotransformvirtuallyeveryareaofmylife.AndonceI'dmasteredit,Iusedittorevolutionizemy life in less thanayear. Itwas the tool Iused todramaticallyincrease my level of confidence and therefore my ability to take action andproducemeasurable results. I also used it to take back control ofmyphysicalwell-beingandpermanentlyridmyselfofthirty-eightpoundsoffat.Throughit,Iattractedthewomanofmydreams,marriedher,andcreatedthefamilyIdesired.Iusedthispowertochangemyincomefromsubsistenceleveltoover$1millionayear.Itmovedmefrommytinyapartment(whereIwaswashingmydishesinthebathtubbecausetherewasnokitchen)tomyfamily'scurrenthome,theDelMar Castle. This one distinction took me from feeling completely alone andinsignificanttofeelinggratefulfornewopportunitiestocontributesomethingtomillionsof people around theworld.And it's a power I continue to use everysingledayofmylifetoshapemypersonaldestiny.InUnlimitedPower, Imade it abundantlyclear that themostpowerfulway toshapeour lives is toget ourselves to take action.Thedifference in the resultsthatpeopleproducecomesdowntowhatthey'vedonedifferentlyfromothersinthe same situations.Different actions produce different results.Why?Becauseanyactionisacausesetinmotion,anditseffectbuildsonpasteffectstomoveus in a definite direction.Every direction leads to an ultimate destination: ourdestiny.Inessence,ifwewanttodirectourlives,wemusttakecontrolofourconsistentactions.It'snotwhatwedoonceinawhilethatshapesourlives,butwhatwedoconsistently.Thekeyandmostimportantquestion,then,isthis:Whatprecedesallofouractions?Whatdetermineswhatactionswetake,andtherefore,whowebecome, and what our ultimate destination is in life? What is the father ofaction?The answer, of course, is what I've been alluding to all along: the power ofdecision. Everything that happens in your life—bothwhat you're thrilledwithandwhatyou'rechallengedby—beganwithadecision.Ibelievethatit'sinyourmoments of decision that your destiny is shaped. The decisions that you'remaking right now, every day, will shape how you feel today as well as whoyou'regoingtobecomeintheninetiesandbeyond.As you look back over the last ten years, were there times when a differentdecision would have made your life radically different from today, either forbetter or for worse? Maybe, for example, you made a career decision thatchangedyourlife.Ormaybeyoufailedtomakeone.Maybeyoudecidedduringthelasttenyearstogetmarried—ordivorced.Youmighthavepurchasedatape,

abook,orattendedaseminarand,asaresult,changedyourbeliefsandactions.Maybe you decided to have children, or to put it off in pursuit of a career.Perhapsyoudecided to invest inahomeorabusiness.Maybeyoudecided tostartexercising,or togive itup. Itcouldbe thatyoudecided tostopsmoking.Maybe you decided to move to another part of the country, or to take a triparound theworld.Howhave thesedecisionsbroughtyou to thispoint inyourlife?Did you experience emotions of tragedy and frustration, injustice orhopelessnessduring the lastdecadeofyour life? Iknow I certainlydid. If so,whatdidyoudecidetodoaboutthem?Didyoupushbeyondyourlimits,ordidyoujustgiveup?Howhavethesedecisionsshapedyourcurrentlifepath?Man isnot thecreatureofcircumstances;circumstancesare thecreaturesof

men.BENJAMINDISRAELIMorethananythingelse,Ibelieveit'sourdecisions,nottheconditionsofour

lives,thatdetermineourdestiny.YouandIbothknowthattherearepeoplewhowere born with advantages: they've had genetic advantages, environmentaladvantages,familyadvantages,orrelationshipadvantages.Yetyouand Ialsoknow thatweconstantlymeet, read,andhearaboutpeoplewhoagainstalloddshaveexplodedbeyondthelimitationsoftheirconditionsbymaking new decisions about what to do with their lives. They've becomeexamplesoftheunlimitedpowerofthehumanspirit.Ifwedecideto,youandIcanmakeourlivesoneoftheseinspiringexamples.How?Simplybymakingdecisions todayabouthowwe'regoing to live in theninetiesandbeyond.Ifyoudon'tmakedecisionsabouthowyou'regoingtolive,thenyou'vealreadymadeadecision,haven'tyou?You'remakingadecisiontobedirectedbytheenvironmentinsteadofshapingyourowndestiny.Mywholelifechangedinjustoneday—thedayIdeterminednotjustwhatI'dliketohaveinmylifeorwhatIwantedtobecome,butwhenIdecidedwhoandwhatIwascommitted to having and being in my life. That's a simple distinction, but acriticalone.Thinkforamoment.Isthereadifferencebetweenbeinginterestedinsomething,andbeingcommittedtoit?Youbetthereis!Manytimespeoplesaythingslike,"Gosh,Ireallywouldliketomakemoremoney,"or"I'dliketobeclosertomykids,"or"Youknow,I'dreallyliketomakeadifferenceintheworld."Butthatkind of statement is not a commitment at all. It'smerely stating a preference,saying, "I'm interested in having this happen, if I don't have to do anything."That'snotpower!It'saweakprayermadewithouteventhefaithtolaunchit.

Notonlydoyouhavetodecidewhatresultsyouarecommittedto,butalsothekindofpersonthatyou'recommittedtobecoming.AswediscussedinChapter1,youhavetosetstandardsforwhatyouconsidertobeacceptablebehaviorforyourself,anddecidewhatyoushouldexpectfromthoseyoucareabout.Ifyoudon't set a baseline standard forwhat you'll accept in your life, you'll find it'seasytoslipintobehaviorsandattitudesoraqualityoflifethat'sfarbelowwhatyoudeserve.Youneedtosetandlivebythesestandardsnomatterwhathappensinyourlife.Evenifitallgoeswrong,evenifitrainsonyourparade,evenifthestockmarketcrashes,evenifyourloverleavesyouevenifnoonegivesyouthesupport thatyouneed,youstillmuststaycommitted toyourdecision thatyouwillliveyourlifeatthehighestlevel.Unfortunately, most people never do this because they're too busy makingexcuses.Thereasontheyhaven'tachievedtheirgoalsorarenotlivingthelivestheydesire isbecauseof theway theirparents treated them,orbecauseof thelack of opportunities that they experienced in their youth, or because of theeducationtheymissed,orbecausethey'retooold,orbecausethey'retooyoung.AlloftheseexcusesarenothingbutB.S.(BeliefSystems)!Andthey'renotonlylimiting,they'redestructive.Using the power of decision gives you the capacity to get past any excuse tochange any and every pan of your life in an instant. It can change yourrelationships, your working environment, your level of physical fitness, yourincome,andyouremotionalstates.Itcandeterminewhetheryou'rehappyorsad,whether you're frustrated or excited, enslaved by circumstances, or expressingyour freedom. It's the source of change within an individual, a family, acommunity,asociety,ourworld.What'schangedeverythinginEasternEuropein the last fewyears?Thepeople there—people likeyouandme—havemadenewdecisionsaboutwhatthey'llstandfor,what'sacceptableandunacceptabletothem and what they'll no longer tolerate. Certainly Gorbatchows decisionshelped pave the way, but Lech Walesa's determination and commitment to ahigherstandardbuilttheroadtomassiveeconomicandpoliticalchange.I often ask peoplewho complain about their jobs, "Why did you go to worktoday?"Theiranswerusuallyis,"BecauseIhadto."YouandIneedtorememberone thing: there is virtually nothing that we have to do in this country. Youcertainly don't have to go towork.Not here!And you certainly don't have toworkataparticularlocationonaparticularday.NotinAmerica!Youdon'thavetodowhatyou'vedonefor the last tenyears.Youcandecide todosomethingelse,somethingnew,today.Rightnowyoucanmakeadecision: togobacktoschool,tomasterdancingorsinging,totakecontrolofyourfinances,tolearntofly a helicopter, to turn your body into an inspiration, to beginmeditating, to

enroll' in ballroom dancing, to attend a NASA space camp, to learn to speakFrench,toreadmoretoyourchildren,tospendmoretimeintheflowergarden,eventoflytoFijiandliveonanisland.Ifyoutrulydecidetoyoucandoalmostanything. So if you don't like the current relationship you're in, make thedecisionnow tochange it. Ifyoudon't likeyourcurrent job,change it. Ifyoudon't like the way you feel about yourself, change it. If it's a higher level ofphysicalvitalityandhealthyouwant,youcanchangeitnow.Inamomentyoucanseizethesamepowerthathasshapedhistory.I'vewrittenthisbooktochallengeyoutoawakenthegiantpowerofdecisionandto claim the birthright of unlimited power, radiant vitality, and joyous passionthatisyours!Youmustknowthatyoucanmakeanewdecisionrightnowthatwill immediatelychangeyour life—adecisionaboutahabityou'llchangeoraskillthatyou'llmaster,orhowyou'lltreatpeople,oracallthatyou'llnowmaketosomeoneyouhaven'tspokentoinyears.Maybethere'ssomeoneyoushouldcontacttotakeyourcareertothenextlevel.Maybeyoucouldmakeadecisionrightnowtoenjoyandcultivatethemostpositiveemotionsthatyoudeservetoexperiencedaily.Isitpossibleyoumightchoosemorejoyormorefunormoreconfidence or more peace of mind? Even before you turn the page, you canmakeuseofthepowerthatalreadyresideswithinyou.Makethedecisionnowthat can send you in a new, positive, and powerful direction for growth andhappiness.Nothing can resist the human will that will stake even its existence on its

statedpurpose.BENJAMINDISRAELIYour life changes themoment youmake a new, congruent, and committed

decision.Whowould have thought that the determination and conviction of aquiet, unassumingman—a lawyerby trade andapacifist byprinciple—wouldhave the power to topple a vast empire? Yet Mahatma Gandhi's indomitabledecisiontoridIndiaofBritishrulewasavirtualpowderkegthatsetinmotionachainofevents thatwould foreverchange thebalanceofworldpower.Peopledidn't see how he could accomplish his aims, but he'd left himself no otherchoice than toact according tohisconscience.Hesimplywouldn't acceptanyotherpossibility.Decision was the source of John F. Kennedy's power as he faced off NikitaKhrushchevduring the tenseCubanMissileCrisis and avertedWorldWar III.DecisionwasthesourceofMartinLutherKing,Jr.'spowerashegavevoicesoeloquentlytothefrustrationsandaspirationsofapeoplewhowouldnolongerbedenied,andforcedtheworldtotakenotice.DecisionwasthesourceofDonald

Trump'smeteoricrisetothetopofthefinancialworld,andalsothesourceofhisdevastating downfall. It's the power that allowed Pete Rose to maximize hisphysicalabilities toHallofFamepotential—and thenultimately todestroyhislife's dream.Decisions act as the source of both problems and incredible joysand opportunities. This is the power that sparks the process of turning theinvisibleintothevisible.Truedecisionsarethecatalystforturningourdreamsintoreality.Themostexcitingthingaboutthisforce,thispower,isthatyoualreadypossessit.Theexplosiveimpetusofdecisionisnotsomethingreservedforaselectfewwith the right credentials ormoneyor familybackground. It's available to thecommonlaboreraswellas theking.It'savailable toyounowasyouholdthisbookinyourhands.Intheverynextmomentyoucanusethismightyforcethatlieswaitingwithinyouifyoumerelymusterthecouragetoclaimit.Willtodaybe thedayyoufinallydecide thatwhoyouareasaperson ismuchmore thanyou'vebeendemonstrating?Willtodaybethedayyoudecideonceandforalltomake your life consistent with the quality of your spirit? Then start byproclaiming,"ThisiswhoIam.Thisiswhatmylifeisabout.AndthisiswhatI'mgoingtodo.Nothingwillstopmefromachievingmydestiny.Iwillnotbedenied!"Considerafiercelyproudindividual,awomannamedRosaParks,whoonedayin1955steppedontoabusinMontgomery,Alabama,andrefusedtogiveupherseattoawhitepersonasshewaslegallyrequiredtodo.Heronequietactofcivildisobedience sparked a firestorm of controversy and became a symbol forgenerations to follow. It was the beginning of the civil rights movement, aconsciousness-awakeninggroundswellthatwearegrapplingwitheventodayasweredefinethemeaningofequality,opportunity,andjusticeforallAmericansregardlessofrace,creed,orsex.WasRosaParksthinkingofthefuturewhensherefusedtogiveupherseatinthatbus?Didshehaveadivineplanforhowshecouldchangethestructureofasociety?Perhaps.Butwhatismorelikelyisthatherdecisiontoholdherselftoahigherstandardcompelledhertoact.Whatafar-reachingeffectonewoman'sdecisionhashad!Ifyou'rethinking,"I'dlovetomakedecisionslikethat,butI'veexperiencedrealtragedies,"letmeofferyoutheexampleofEdRoberts.Heisan"ordinary"manconfined to a wheelchair who became extraordinary by his decision to actbeyond his apparent limitations. Ed has been paralyzed from the neck downsincehewas fourteenyearsold.Heusesabreathingdevice thathe'smasteredagainstgreatoddstoleada"normal"lifebyday,andhespendseverynightinaniron lung.Havingfoughtabattleagainstpolio,several timesalmost losinghislife,hecertainlycouldhavedecidedtofocusonhisownpain,butinsteadchose

tomakeadifferenceforothers.Justwhathashemanagedtodo?Forthelastfifteenyears,hisdecisiontofightagainst a world he often found condescending has resulted in manyenhancementstothequalityoflifeforthedisabled.Facingamultitudeofmythsabout thecapabilitiesof thephysicallychallenged,Ededucated thepublicandinitiatedeverythingfromwheelchairaccessrampsandspecialparkingspacestograbbars.Hebecame the firstquadriplegic tograduate from theUniversityofCalifornia, Berkeley, and he eventually held the position of director of theCaliforniaStateDepartmentofRehabilitation,againpioneeringthispositionforthedisabled.Ed Roberts is powerful evidence that it's not where you start out but thedecisionsyoumakeaboutwhereyou'redeterminedtoendupthatmatter.Allofhisactionswerefoundedinasingle,powerful,committedmomentofdecision.Whatcouldyoudowithyourlifeifyoureallydecidedto?Manypeoplesay,"Well, I'd love tomakeadecision like that,but I'mnotsurehowIcouldchangemylife."They'reparalyzedbythefearthattheydon'tknowexactlyhowto turn theirdreams intoreality.Andasa result, theynevermakethedecisionsthatcouldmaketheirlivesintothemasterpiecestheydeservetobe.I'mheretotellyouthatit'snotimportantinitiallytoknowhowyou'regoingtocreatearesult.What'simportantistodecideyouwillfindaway,nomatterwhat.In Unlimited Power, I outlined what I call "The Ultimate Success Formula,"whichisanelementaryprocessforgettingyouwhereyouwanttogo:1)Decidewhatyouwant,2)Takeaction,3)Noticewhat'sworkingornot,and4)Changeyour approach until you achievewhat youwant.Deciding to produce a resultcauseseventstobesetinmotion.Ifyousimplydecidewhatitisyouwant,getyourself to takeaction, learnfromit,andchangeyourapproach, thenyouwillcreate the momentum to achieve the result. As soon as you truly commit tomakingsomethinghappen,the"how"willrevealitself.Concerningallactsofinitiativeandcreation,thereisoneelementarytruth—

thatthemomentonedefinitelycommitsoneself,thenProvidencemoves,too.—JOHANNWOLFGANGVONGOETHEIfmakingdecisions is so simple andpowerful, thenwhydon'tmorepeople

followNike'sadviceand"JustDoIt"?Ithinkoneofthesimplestreasonsisthatmostofusdon'trecognizewhatitevenmeanstomakearealdecision.Wedon'trealizetheforceofchangethatacongruent,committeddecisioncreates.Partofthe problem is that for so long most of us have used the term "decision" soloosely that it'scometodescribesomething likeawish list. Insteadofmakingdecisions,we keep stating preferences.Making a true decision, unlike saying,

"I'd like toquitsmoking," iscuttingoffanyotherpossibility. Infact, theword"decision" comes from the Latin roots de, whichmeans "from," and caedere,whichmeans"tocut."Makingatruedecisionmeanscommittingtoachievingaresult,andthencuttingyourselfofffromanyotherpossibility.When you truly decide you'll never smoke cigarettes again, that's it. It's over!You no longer even consider the possibility of smoking. If you're one of thepeoplewho'severexercised thepowerofdecision thisway,youknowexactlywhat I'm talking about. An alcoholic knows that even after years of absolutesobriety, ifhefoolshimself intothinkingthathecantakeevenonedrink,he'llhave to begin all over again.Aftermaking a true decision, even a tough one,mostofusfeelatremendousamountofrelief.We'vefinallygottenoffthefence!Andweallknowhowgreatitfeelstohaveaclear,unquestionedobjective.Thiskindofclaritygivesyoupower.Withclarity,youcanproduce the resultsthatyoureallywantforyourlife.Thechallengeformostofusisthatwehaven'tmadeadecisioninsolongwe'veforgottenwhat itfeels like.We'vegotflabbydecision-makingmuscles! Some people even have a hard time deciding whatthey'regoingtohavefordinner.So how do we strengthen these muscles? Give them a workout! The way tomakebetterdecisionsistomakemoreofthem.Thenmakesureyoulearnfromeachone,includingthosethatdon'tseemtoworkoutintheshortterm:theywillprovidevaluabledistinctionstomakebetterevaluationsandthereforedecisionsin the future. Realize that decision making, like any skill you focus onimproving, gets better the more often you do it. The more often you makedecisions,themoreyou'llrealizethatyoutrulyareincontrolofyourlife.You'lllookforwardtofuturechallenges,andyou'llseethemasanopportunitytomakenewdistinctionsandmoveyourlifetothenextlevel.I can't overemphasize the power and value of gaining even one, singledistinction—asolepieceofinformation—thatcanbeusedtochangethecourseofyour life. Informationispowerwhenit'sactedupon,andoneofmycriteriafor a true decision is that action flows from it. The exciting thing is that younever know when you're going to get it! The reason I read over 700 books,listenedtotapes,andwenttosomanyseminarsisthatIunderstoodthepowerofasingledistinction. Itmightbeon thenextpageor in thenextchapterof thisbook.Itmightevenbesomethingyoualreadyknow.Butforsomereason,thisisthetimeitfinallysinksinandyoubegintouseit.Rememberthatrepetitionisthe mother of skill. Distinctions empower us to make better decisions and,therefore, create the results that we desire for ourselves. Not having certaindistinctionscancauseyoumajorpain.Forexample,manyof themost famouspeopleinourculturehaveachievedtheirdreamsbuthavestillnotfoundaway

to enjoy them. They often turn to drugs because they feel unfulfilled. This isbecause they are missing the distinction between achieving one's goals andlivingone'svalues, somethingyouwill learn tomaster in thepages to follow.Another distinction that many people don't have causes pain in theirrelationshipsonaregularbasis.It'sarulesdistinction,anotherkeyelementwe'llbeexamininginourjourneyofself-discovery.Sometimes,nothavingacertaindistinctioncancostyoueverything.Peoplewhorunstrenuouslyyetcontinuetoeatfattyfoods,clogginguptheirarteries,courtheartattacks.For most of my life, I've pursued what the famed business expert Dr. W.EdwardsDemingcallsprofoundknowledge.Tome,profoundknowledgeisanysimpledistinction,strategy,belief,skill,ortoolthat,theminuteweunderstandit,we can apply it tomake immediate increases in the quality of our lives. Thisbookandmylifehavebeencommittedtopursuingprofoundknowledgethathasuniversal application to improving our personal and professional lives. I'mconstantlyfiguringouthowtocommunicatethisknowledgewithpeopleinwaysthat truly empower them to improve their mental, emotional, physical, andfinancialdestinies.Itisinyourmomentsofdecisionthatyourdestinyisshaped.

—ANTHONYROBB1NSThreedecisionsthatyoumakeeverymomentofyourlifecontrolyourdestiny.

Thesethreedecisionsdeterminewhatyou'llnotice,howyou'llfeel,whatyou'lldo,andultimatelywhatyouwillcontributeandwhoyoubecome. Ifyoudon'tcontrolthesethreedecisions,yousimplyaren'tincontrolofyourlife.Whenyoudocontrolthem,youbegintosculptyourexperience.Thethreedecisionsthatcontrolyourdestinyare:

1.Yourdecisionsaboutwhattofocuson.2.Yourdecisionsaboutwhatthingsmeantoyou.3.Yourdecisionsaboutwhattodotocreatetheresultsyoudesire.Yousee, it'snotwhat'shappeningtoyounoworwhathashappenedinyour

pastthatdetermineswhoyoubecome.Rather,it'syourdecisionsaboutwhattofocuson,whatthingsmeantoyou,andwhatyou'regoingtodoaboutthemthatwill determine your ultimate destiny.Know that if anyone is enjoying greatersuccess than you in any area, they'remaking these three decisions differentlyfrom you in some context or situation.Clearly, EdRoberts chose to focus onsomethingdifferentthanmostpeopleinhispositionwould.Hefocusedonhowhecouldmakeadifference.Hisphysicaldifficultiesmeant"challenge"tohim.Whathedecidedtodo,clearly,wasanythingthatcouldmakethequalityoflife

forothersinhispositionmorecomfortable.Heabsolutelycommittedhimselftoshapingtheenvironmentinawaythatwouldimprovethequalityoflifeforallphysicallychallengedpeople."Iknowofnomoreencouragingfactthantheunquestionableabilityofmanto

elevatehislifebyaconsciousendeavor."—HENRYDAVIDTHOREAUToo many of us don't make the majority of our decisions consciously,

especiallythesethreeabsolutelycrucialones;insodoing,wepayamajorprice.Infact,mostpeoplelivewhatIcall"TheNiagaraSyndrome."Ibelievethatlifeislikeariver,andthatmostpeoplejumpontheriveroflifewithouteverreallydeciding where they want to end up. So, in a short period of time, they getcaughtupinthecurrent:currentevents,currentfears,currentchallenges.Whentheycometoforksintheriver,theydon'tconsciouslydecidewheretheywanttogo,orwhichistherightdirectionorthem.Theymerely"gowiththeflow."Theybecomeapartofthemassofpeoplewhoaredirectedbytheenvironmentinsteadofbytheirownvalues.Asaresult,theyfeeloutofcontrol.Theyremaininthisunconsciousstateuntilonedaythesoundoftheragingwaterawakensthem,andtheydiscoverthatthey'refivefeetfromNiagaraFallsinaboatwithnooars.Atthispoint,theysay,"Oh,shoot!"Butbythenit'stoolate.They'regoingtotakeafall.Sometimesit'sanemotionalfall.Sometimesit'saphysicalfall.Sometimesit's a financial fall. It's likely that whatever challenges you have in your lifecurrentlycouldhavebeenavoidedbysomebetterdecisionsupstream.Howdoweturnthingsaroundifwe'recaughtupinthemomentumoftheragingriver?Eithermakeadecisiontoputbothoarsinthewaterandstartpaddlinglikecrazy in a newdirection, or decide to plan ahead.Set a course forwhere youreallywanttogo,andhaveaplanormapsothatyoucanmakequalitydecisionsalongtheway.Although you may never have even thought about it, your brain has alreadyconstructed an internal system formaking decisions. This system acts like aninvisible force, directing all of your thoughts, actions, and feelings, bothgoodandbad,everymomentthatyoulive.Itcontrolshowyouevaluateeverythinginyourlife,andit's largelydrivenbyyoursubconsciousmind.Thescarythingisthatmostpeopleneverconsciouslysetthissystemup.Instead,it'sbeeninstalledthrough the years by sources as diverse as parents, peers, teachers, television,advertisers, and the culture at large. This system is comprised of fivecomponents:1)yourcorebeliefsandunconsciousrules,2)your lifevalues,3)your references, 4) the habitual questions that you ask yourself, and 5) theemotionalstatesyouexperienceineachmoment.Thesynergisticrelationshipof

these five elements exerts a force that's responsible for prompting you to orstoppingyou from taking action, causingyou to anticipate orworry about thefuture,makingyoufeellovedorrejected,anddictatingyourlevelofsuccessandhappiness. Itdetermineswhyyoudowhatyoudoandwhyyoudon'tdosomethingsthatyouknowyouneedtodo.Bychanginganyoneofthesefiveelements—whetherit'sacorebelieforrule,avalue, a reference, a question, or an emotional state—you can immediatelyproduceapowerfulandmeasurablechangeinyourlife.Mostimportantly,you'llbefightingthecauseinsteadoftheeffects.Remember,ifyou'reovereatingonaregular basis, the real cause is usually a values problem or a beliefs problemratherthanaproblemwithfooditself.Throughoutthisbook,step-by-step,I'llbeguidingyouindiscoveringhowyourmastersystemofdecisionmakingissetup,andyou'llbemakingsimplechangestomakeitconsistentwithyourdesires—ratherthancontinuetobecontrolledbyyourpastconditioning.You'reabouttoembark on a fascinating journey of discovering who you are and what trulymakesyoudowhatyoudo.With thesedistinctionsofpower,you'llbeable tounderstandthesystemofdecisionmakingthatyourbusinessassociates,spouse,and other loved ones are using. You'll finally be able to understand their"fascinating"behaviors,too!The good news is that we can override this system by making consciousdecisionsatanymomentinourlives.Wedon'thavetoallowtheprogrammingofourpast tocontrolourpresentand future.With thisbook,youcan reinventyourselfbysystematicallyorganizingyourbeliefsandvaluesinawaythatpullsyouinthedirectionofyourlife'sdesign."Iamnotdiscouraged,becauseeverywrongattemptdiscardedisanotherstep

forward."—THOMASEDISONThereisonefinalimpedimenttoreallyutilizingthepowerofdecision.Thatis

that we must overcome our fears of making the wrong decisions. Without adoubt,youwillmakewrongdecisionsinyourlife.You'regoingtoscrewup!IknowIcertainlyhaven'tmadealltherightdecisionsalongtheway.Farfromit.ButIdidn'texpectto.NorwillIalwaysmaketherightdecisionsinthefuture.IhavedeterminedthatnomatterwhatdecisionsImake,I'llbeflexible,lookattheconsequences,learnfromthem,anduse those lessons tomakebetterdecisions in thefuture.Remember:Success truly is the result of good judgment. Good judgment is the result ofexperience,andexperienceisoftentheresultofbadjudgment!Thoseseeminglybad or painful experiences are some times the most important. When people

succeed,theytendtoparty;whentheyfail,theytendtoponder,andtheybegintomakenewdistinctions thatwill enhance the quality of their lives.Wemustcommittolearningfromourmistakes,ratherthanbeatingourselvesup,orwe'redestinedtomakethesamemistakesagaininthefuture.Asimportantaspersonalexperienceis,thinkhowinvaluableitistohavearolemodelaswell—someonewho'snavigatedtherapidsbeforeyouandhasagoodmapforyoutofollow.Youcanhavearolemodelforyourfinances,amodelforyour relationships, amodel for your health, amodel for your profession, or amodelforanyaspectofyour lifeyou're learningtomaster.Theycansaveyouyearsofpainandkeepyoufromgoingoverthefalls.Therewillbetimeswhenyou'reontheriversoloandyou'llhavetomakesomeimportantdecisionsonyourown.Thegoodnewsisthatifyou'rewillingtolearnfromyour experience, then even times youmight thinkwere difficult becomegreat because theyprovide valuable information—keydistinctions— that youwillusetomakebetterdecisionsinthefuture.Infact,anyextremelysuccessfulperson you meet will tell you—if they're honest with you—that the reasonthey'remoresuccessfulisthatthey'vemademorepoordecisionsthanyouhave.Peopleinmyseminarsoftenaskme,"Howlongdoyouthinkitwilltakeformetoreallymasterthisparticularskill?"Andmyimmediateresponseis,"Howlongdo you want it to take?" If you take action ten times a day (and have theproportionate"learningexperiences")whileotherpeopleactonanewskillonceamonth,you'llhavetenmonthsofexperienceinaday,youwillsoonmastertheskill,andwill,ironically,probablybeconsidered"talentedandlucky."Ibecameanexcellentpublicspeakerbecause,ratherthanonceaweek,Ibookedmyselftospeakthreetimesadaytoanyonewhowouldlisten.Whileothersinmyorganization had forty-eight speaking engagements a year, Iwould have asimilar number within two weeks. Within a month, I'd have two years ofexperience. And within a year, I'd have a decade's worth of growth. Myassociates talked about how "lucky" I was to have been born with such an"innate" talent. I tried to tell themwhat I'm tellingyounow:mastery takes aslongasyouwantittotake.Bytheway,wereallofmyspeechesgreat?Farfromit!ButIdidmakesurethatIlearnedfromeveryexperienceandthatIsomehowimproveduntilverysoonIcouldenteraroomofanysizeandbeabletoreachpeoplefromvirtuallyallwalksoflife.No matter how prepared you are, there's one thing that I can absolutelyguarantee:ifyou'reontheriveroflife,it'slikelyyou'regoingtohitafewrocks.That'snotbeingnegative;that'sbeingaccurate.Thekeyisthatwhenyoudorunaground,insteadofbeatingyourselfupforbeingsucha"failure,"rememberthattherearenofailures in life.Thereareonlyresults. Ifyoudidn'tget theresults

youwanted,learnfromthisexperiencesothatyouhavereferencesabouthowtomakebetterdecisionsinthefuture."Wewilleitherfindaway,ormakeone."

HANNIBALOneofthemostimportantdecisionsyoucanmaketoensureyourlong-term

happinessistodecidetousewhateverlifegivesyouinthemoment.Thetruthofthematteristhatthere'snothingyoucan'taccomplishif:1)Youclearlydecidewhat it is thatyou're absolutely committed to achieving,2)Youarewilling totakemassiveaction,3)Younoticewhat'sworkingornot,and4)Youcontinuetochange your approach until you achieve what you want, using whatever lifegivesyoualongtheway.Anyonewho'ssucceededonalargescalehastakenthesefourstepsandfollowedtheUltimateSuccessFormula.Oneofmyfavorite"UltimateSuccessStories"isMr. Soichiro Honda, founder of the corporation that bears his name. Like allcompanies,nomatterhowlarge,HondaCorporationbeganwithadecisionandapassionatedesiretoproducearesult.In1938,whilehewasstillinschool,Mr.Hondatookeverythingheownedandinvesteditinalittleworkshopwherehebegantodevelophisconceptofapistonring.Hewanted tosellhiswork toToyotaCorporation,sohe laboreddayandnight,uptohiselbowsingrease,sleepinginthemachineshop,alwaysbelievinghe could produce the result. He even pawned his wife's jewelry to stay inbusiness.ButwhenhefinallycompletedthepistonringsandpresentedthemtoToyota, hewas told they didn'tmeet Toyota's standards.Hewas sent back toschoolfortwoyears,whereheheardthederisivelaughterofhisinstructorsandfellow students as they talked about how absurd his designswere. But ratherthanfocusingonthepainoftheexperience,hedecidedtocontinuetofocusonhisgoal.Finally,aftertwomoreyears,ToyotagaveMr.Hondathecontracthe'ddreamed of. His passion and belief paid off because he had known what hewanted,takenaction,noticedwhatwasworking,andkeptchanginghisapproachuntilhegotwhathewanted.Thenanewproblemarose.TheJapanesegovernmentwasgearingupforwar,andtheyrefusedtogivehimtheconcretethatwasnecessarytobuildhisfactory.Didhequitthere?No.Didhefocusonhowunfair thiswas?Diditmeantohimthathisdreamhaddied?Absolutely not. Again, he decided to utilize the experience, and developedanother strategy. He and his team invented a process for creating their ownconcrete and then built their factory. During the war, it was bombed twice,destroyingmajor portions of themanufacturing facility.Honda's response?Heimmediatelyralliedhisteam,andtheypickeduptheextragasolinecansthatthe

U.S. fighters had discarded. He called them "gifts from President Truman"because they provided him with the raw materials he needed for hismanufacturing process—materials that were unavailable at the time in Japan.Finally, after surviving all of this, an earthquake leveled his factory. HondadecidedtosellhispistonoperationtoToyota.Hereisamanwhoclearlymadestrongdecisionstosucceed.Hehadapassionforandbelief inwhathewasdoing.Hehadagreat strategy.He tookmassiveaction.Hekeptchanginghisapproach,butstillhe'dnotproducedtheresultsthathewascommittedto.Yethedecidedtopersevere.Afterthewar,atremendousgasolineshortagehitJapan,andMr.Hondacouldn'tevendrivehiscartogetfoodforhisfamily.Finally,indesperation,heattachedasmallmotortohisbicycle.Thenextthingheknew,hisneighborswereaskingifhe couldmakeoneof his "motorizedbikes" for them.One after another, theyjumpedonthebandwagonuntilheranoutofmotors.Hedecidedtobuildaplantthatwouldmanufacturemotorsforhisnewinvention,butunfortunatelyhedidn'thavethecapital.Asbefore,hemadethedecisiontofindawaynomatterwhat!Hissolutionwasto appeal to the 18,000 bicycle shop owners in Japan bywriting them each apersonal letter.He told them how they could play a role in revitalizing Japanthrough themobility that his invention could provide, and convinced5,000ofthemtoadvancethecapitalheneeded.Still,hismotorbikesoldtoonlythemosthard-corebicycle fansbecause itwas toobigandbulky.Sohemadeonefinaladjustment, andcreatedamuch lighter, scaled-downversionofhismotorbike.Hechristenedit"TheSuperCub,"anditbecamean"overnight"success,earninghimtheEmperor'saward.Later,hebegantoexporthismotorbikestothebabyboomersofEuropeandtheUnitedStates,followingupintheseventieswiththecarsthathavebecomesopopular.Today,theHondaCorporationemploysover100,000peopleinboththeUnitedStates and Japan and is considered one of the biggest car-making empires inJapan, outselling all but Toyota in theUnited States. It succeeds because onemanunderstoodthepowerofatrulycommitteddecisionthatisactedupon,nomatterwhattheconditions,onacontinuousbasis.THECRYSTALBALLCRACKED...

The followings are actual rejection notices received for these famous—andincrediblysuccessful—books.AnimalFarm,byGeorgeOrwell"ItisimpossibletosellanimalstoriesintheU.SA"TheDiaryofAnneFrank,byAnneFrank

"The girl doesn't, it seems to me, have a special perception or feeling whichwouldliftthatbookabovethe'curiosity'level."LordoftheFlies,byWilliamGolding"Itdoesnotseemtousthatyouhavebeenwhollysuccessfulinworkingoutanadmittedlypromisingidea."LadyChatterley'sLover,byD.H.Lawrence"Foryourowngooddonotpublishthisbook."LustforLife,bylivingStone"Along,dullnovelaboutanartist."Honda certainly knew that sometimes when you make a decision and take

action, in theshort term itmay look like it'snotworking. Inorder tosucceed,youmust have a long-term focus.Most of the challenges thatwe have in ourpersonallives—likeindulgingconstantlyinovereating,drinking,orsmoking,tofeeling overwhelmed and giving up on our dreams—come from a short-termfocus. Success and failure are not overnight experiences. It's all the smalldecisionsalongthewaythatcausepeople to fail. It's failure to followup. It's failure to take action. It's failure topersist. It's failure to manage our mental and emotional states. It's failure tocontrol what we focus on. Conversely, success is the result of making smalldecisions:decidingtoholdyourselftoahigherstandard,decidingtocontribute,decidingtofeedyourmindratherthanallowingtheenvironmenttocontrolyou—thesesmalldecisionscreatethelifeexperiencewecallsuccess.Noindividualororganizationthathasbe-comesuccessfulhasdonesowithshort-termfocus.Onanationalscale,mostofthechallengesthatwe'recurrentlyexperiencingarethe result of not thinkingof thepotential consequencesof thedecisionswe'vemade.Ourcrises—theS&Lscandal, thechallenge inourbalanceof trade, thebudgetdeficit,oureducationalmalaise,drugandalcoholproblems—allaretheresultof short-term thinking.This is theNiagaraSyndromeat itsmostpotent.Whileyou'reragingalongtheriver,focusingonthenextrockyoumighthit,youdon't—orcan't—seefarenoughaheadofyoutoavoidthefalls.Asasociety,we'resofocusedoninstantaneousgratificationthatourshort-termsolutions often become long-term problems. Our kids have trouble payingattention in school long enough to think, memorize, and learn partly becausethey'vebecomeaddictedtoinstantaneousgratificationfromconstantexposuretothingslikevideogames,TVcommercials,andMTV.Asanation,wehavethehighest number of overweight children in history because of our unrelentingpursuitofthequickfix:fastfood,instantpudding,andmicrowavebrownies.

In business, too, this kind of short-term focus can be deadly. The wholecontroversysurroundingtheExxonValdezdisastercouldhavebeenavertedbymakingonesmalldecision.Exxoncouldhaveoutfitted its tankerswithdoublehulls, aproactivedecision thatwouldhavepreventedoil spills in the eventofcollision.Buttheoilcompanychosenotto,lookingattheimmediateratherthanlong-range impact on its bottom line. Following the crash and resultant spill,Exxonisresponsibleforpayingawhopping$1.1billion*assomecompensationfor the devastating economic damage it has caused, not to mention theimmeasurableecologicaldestructiontoAlaskaandsurroundingareas.Decidingtocommityourselftolong-termresults,ratherthanshort-termfixes,isasimportantasanydecisionyou'llmakeinyourlifetime.Failingtodothiscancause not only massive financial or societal pain, but sometimes even theultimatepersonalpain.Oneyoungmanyoumayhaveheardofdroppedoutofhighschoolbecausehedecidedhewasn'tgoing towaitany longer tofollowhisdreamofbecomingafamousmusician.Butthisdreamdidn'tbecomerealityquicklyenough.Infact,bythetimehewastwenty-two,hefearedthathehadmadethewrongdecision,andthatnoonewouldeverlovehismusic.He'dbeenplayinginpianobars,andhewasflatbroke,sleepinginlaundromatsbecausehenolongerhadahome.Theonly thing that had been holding him together was his romantic relationship.Thenhisgirlfrienddecidedtoleavehim,andwhenshedid,itpushedhimoverthe edge. He immediately focused on how he could never again find anotherwomanasbeautifulasshe.Whatthismeanttohimwasthathislifewasover,sohedecidedtocommitsuicide.Fortunately,beforedoingso,hereconsideredhisoptions and decided instead to check into amental institution. Spending timethere gave him some new references aboutwhat real problemswere.He laterrecalled saying, "Ohh, I'll neverget that lowagain."Henowdeclares, "Itwasone of the best things I ever did because I've never gotten to feel sorry formyself,nomatterwhat'shappened.AnyproblemsincethenisnothingcomparedwithwhatI'veseenotherpeoplegothrough."*Byrenewinghiscommitmentandfollowinghisdreamlong-term,heeventuallyhadallthathewanted.Hisname?BillyJoel.Can you imagine that this man, whommillions of fans love and supermodelChristieBrinkleymarried,was everworried about the quality of hismusic orfindingawomanasbeautifulashisex-girlfriend?Thekeytorememberisthatwhat appeared to be impossible in the short term turned into a phenomenalexampleofsuccessandhappiness in the long term.BillyJoelwasable topullhimselfoutofhisdepressionbydirectingthethreedecisionsthatweallcontroleachmomentofourlives:whattofocuson,whatthingsmean,andwhattodoin

spite of the challenges that may appear to limit us. He raised his standards,backed themupwith newbeliefs, and implemented the strategies he knewhemust.One belief that I've developed to carry me through extremely tough times issimplythis:God'sdelaysarenotGod'sdenials.Often,whatseemsimpossibleintheshorttermbecomesverypossibleinthelongtermifyoupersist.Inordertosucceed, we need to discipline ourselves to consistently think long term. AmetaphorthatIusetoremindmyselfofthisiscomparinglife'supsanddownstothechangingoftheseasons.Noseasonlastsforeverbecausealloflifeisacycleofplanting, reaping, resting,and renewal.Winter isnot infinite:even ifyou'rehaving challenges today, you can never give up on the coming of spring. Forsome people, winter means hibernation; for others, it means bobsledding anddownhillskiing!Youcanalwaysjustwaitout theseason,butwhynotmakeitintoatimetoremember?

HARNESSTHEPOWEROFDECISION

In review, letmegiveyou sixquickkeys tohelpyouharness thepowerofdecision, thepower thatshapesyourexperienceof lifeeverymoment thatyouliveit:1.Remember the truepowerofmakingdecisions. It's a toolyoucanuse in

anymoment to changeyourentire life.Theminuteyoumakeanewdecision,you set inmotion a new cause, effect, direction, and destination for your life.You literally begin to changeyour life themoment youmake a newdecision.Rememberthatwhenyoustartfeelingoverwhelmed,orwhenyoufeellikeyoudon'thaveachoice,orwhenthingsarehappening"to"you,youcanchangeitallifyoujuststopanddecidetodoso.Remember,arealdecisionismeasuredbythe fact that you've taken new action. If there's no action, you haven't trulydecided.2. Realize that the hardest step in achieving anything is making a truecommitment—a true decision. Carrying out your commitment is often mucheasier than the decision itself, somake your decisions intelligently, but makethemquickly.Don't laborforeverover thequestionofhowor ifyoucandoit.Studies have shown that the most successful people make decisions rapidlybecausetheyareclearontheirvaluesandwhattheyreallywantfortheirlives.Thesamestudiesshowthattheyareslowtochangetheirdecisions,ifatall.Ontheotherhand,peoplewhofailusuallymakedecisionsslowlyandchangetheirminds quickly, always bouncing back and forth. Just decide! Realize thatdecisionmaking is a kind of act in itself, so a good definition for a decisionmight be "information acted upon." You know you've truly made a decisionwhenactionflowsfromit.Itbecomesacausesetinmotion.Oftentheeffectofmakingadecisionhelpscreatetheattainmentofalargergoal.AcriticalruleI'vemadeformyselfisnevertoleavethesceneofadecisionwithoutfirsttakingaspecificactiontowarditsrealization.3.Makedecisionsoften.Themoredecisionsyoumake,thebetteryou'regoingtobecomeatmakingthem.Musclesgetstrongerwithuse,andsoitiswithyourdecision-making muscles. Unleash your power right now by making somedecisionsyou'vebeenputtingoff.Youwon'tbelievetheenergyandexcitementitwillcreateinyourlife!4.Learnfromyourdecisions.There'snowayaroundit.Attimes,you'regoingtoscrewup,nomatterwhatyoudo.Andwhentheinevitablehappens, insteadofbeatingyourself into theground, learn something.Askyourself, "What's good

aboutthis?WhatcanIlearnfromthis?"This"failure"maybeanunbelievablegift indisguiseifyouuseit tomakebetterdecisionsinthefuture.Rather thanfocusontheshort-termsetback,chooseinsteadtolearnlessonsthatcansaveyoutime,money,orpain,andthatwillgiveyoutheabilitytosucceedinthefuture.5.Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.Onceyou'vedecidedwhoyouwanttobeasaperson,forexample,don'tgetstuckonthemeans toachieving it. It's theendyou'reafter.Toooften, indecidingwhattheywantfortheirlives,peoplepickthebestwaytheyknowatthetime—theymakeamap—butthendon'tstayopentoalternateroutes.Don'tbecomerigidinyourapproach.Cultivatetheartofflexibility.6.Enjoymakingdecisions.Youmustknowthatinanymomentadecisionyoumakecanchangethecourseofyourlifeforever:theverynextpersonyoustandbehindinlineorsitnexttoonanairplane,theverynextphonecallyoumakeorreceive,theverynextmovieyouseeorbookyoureadorpageyouturncouldbetheonesinglethingthatcausesthefloodgatestoopen,andallofthethingsthatyou'vebeenwaitingfortofallintoplace.Ifyoureallywantyourlifetobepassionate,youneedtolivewiththisattitudeofexpectancy. Years ago, I made what seemed like a small decision, and it haspowerfullyshapedmylife.IdecidedtodoaseminarinDenver,Colorado.ThatdecisioncausedmetomeetaladynamedBecky.HerlastnamenowisRobbins,and she is definitely one of the greatest gifts ofmy life.On that same trip, Idecided to write my first book, which is now published in eleven languagesaroundtheworld.Afewdayslater,IdecidedtoconductaseminarinTexas,andafterworkingforaweektofillmyownprogram,thepromoterdidn'tpaymeforthe event—he skipped town. The obvious person to talk to was the publicrelations agent he had hired, a woman who had similar woes. That womanbecamemyliteraryagentandhelpedtogetthatfirstbookpublished.Asaresult,Ihavetheprivilegeofsharingthisstorywithyoutoday.At one time, I also decided to take on a business partner. Choosing not toinvestigatehis character in advancewas apoordecisiononmypart.Within ayear, he'd misappropriated a quarter of a million dollars and had run mycorporation$758,000indebtwhileIspentmylifeontheroaddoingmorethan200seminars.Fortunately,though,Ilearnedfrommypoordecisionandmadeabetterone.InspiteofadvicefromalltheexpertsaroundmethattheonlywayIcould survivewouldbe todeclarebankruptcy, I decided to find away to turnthingsaround,andIcreatedoneof thegreatersuccessesofmylife. I tookmycompanytoawholenewlevel,andwhatIlearnedfromthatexperiencenotonlycreated my long-term business success, but also provided many of thedistinctions for the NeuroAssociative Conditioning"* and Destiny

Technologies™thatyou'llbelearninginthisbook."Lifeiseitheradaringadventureornothing."

HELENKELLERSowhatisthesinglemostimportantdistinctiontotakefromthischapter?

Know that it's your decisions, and not your conditions, that determine yourdestiny.Beforewe learn the technology for changing howyou think and howyou feel every day of your life, I want you to remember that, in the finalanalysis,everythingyou'vereadinthisbookisworthless. . .everyotherbookyou've read or tape you've heard or seminar you've attended isworthless . . .unless you decide to use it. Remember that a truly committed decision is theforcethatchangesyourlife.It'sapoweravailabletoyouinanymomentifyoujustdecidetouseit.Prove to yourself that you've decided now. Make one or two decisions thatyou've been putting off: one easy decision and one that's a bitmore difficult.Showyourselfwhat you can do.Right now, stop.Make at least one clear-cutdecisionthatyou'vebeenputtingoff—takethefirstactiontowardfulfillingit—andsticktoit!Bydoingthis,you'llbebuildingthatmusclethatwillgiveyouthewilltochangeyourentirelife.YouandIbothknowthattherearegoingtobechallengesinyourfuture.ButasLechWalesaandthepeopleofEasternEuropehavelearned,ifyou'vedecidedtogetpast thewalls,youcanclimbover them,youcanbreak through them,youcantunnelunder them,oryoucanfindadoor.Nomatterhowlongawallhasstood,nonehasthepowertowithstandthecontinuedforceofhumanbeingswhohave decided to persist until it has fallen. The human spirit truly isunconquerable.But thewill towin, thewill to succeed, to shapeone's life, totakecontrol,canonlybeharnessedwhenyoudecidewhatyouwant,andbelievethat no challenge, no problem, no obstacle can keep you from it. When youdecide that your lifewill ultimately be shaped not by conditions, but by yourdecisions, then, in thatmoment,your lifewillchange forever,andyouwillbeempoweredtotakecontrolof...

THEFORCETHATSHAPESYOURLIFE"Menlivebyintervalsofreasonunderthesovereigntyofhumorandpassion."

SIRTHOMASBROWNEShehadbeenjoggingforonlyabouthalfanhourwhenithappened.Suddenly

a dozen young boys began to sprint in her direction. Before she had time torealizewhatwashappening, theypounceduponher,pulledherintothebushesandbegan tobeatherwitha leadpipe.Oneboycontinuallykickedher in thefaceuntilshewasbleedingprofusely.Thentheyrapedandsodomizedher,andleftherfordead.I'm sure you've heard about this tragic, unthinkable crime that happened inCentralParkseveralyearsago.IwasinNewYorkCitythenightithappened.Iwasappallednotonlyby the savageryof theattack,butevenmore so tohearwhotheattackerswere.Theywerechildren,fromtheagesof14to17yearsold.Contrarytostereotypes,theywereneitherpoornordidtheycomefromabusivefamilies.Theywereboysfromprivateschools.LittleLeagueplayers,kidswhotook tuba lessons. These boyswere not driven crazy by drugs, norwere theyraciallymotivated.Theyassaultedandcouldhavekilledthis28-year-oldwomanforone reasonandone reasononly: fun.Theyevenhadanameforwhat theyhadsetouttodo;theycalledit"wilding."Notmore than250milesaway inournation'scapital,a jetairlinercrashedontakeoff fromNationalAirportduringablindingsnowstorm. Ithit thePotomacBridgeattheheightofrushhour.Astrafficsnarledtoahalt,emergencyrescueservices were immediately dispatched to the scene, and the bridge became anightmareof chaos andpanic.Firemen andparamedicswereoverwhelmedbythedestruction,anddoveagainandagainintothePotomactotryandsavecrashvictims.Onemanrepeatedlypassedthelifepreservertoothers.Hesavedmanylives,butnothisown.By the time the rescuehelicopter finallygot tohim,hehadslippedbeneaththeicysurfaceofthewater.Thismangavehislifeinordertosavethoseofcompletestrangers!Whatdrovehimtoplacesuchahighvalueonotherpeople'slives—peoplehedidn'tevenknow—thathewaswillingtogivehisownlifeintheprocess?Whatmakesapersonwitha"goodbackground"behavesosavagelyandwithoutremorsewhile another gives his own life to rescue complete strangers?Whatcreatesahero,aheel,acriminal,acontributor?Whatdeterminesthedifferenceinhumanactions?Throughoutmylife,Ihavepassionatelysoughttheanswertothese questions. One thing is clear to me: human beings are not random

creatures; everythingwedo,wedo for a reason.Wemaynot be awareof thereason consciously, but there is undoubtedly a single driving force behind allhuman behavior. This force impacts every facet of our lives, from ourrelationships and finances to our bodies and brains.What is this force that iscontrollingyou evennowandwill continue todo so for the rest of your life?PAINandPLEASURE!EverythingyouandIdo,wedoeitheroutofourneedtoavoidpainorourdesiretogainpleasure.SooftenIhearpeopletalkaboutchangestheywanttomakeintheirlives.Buttheycan'tgetthemselvestofollowthrough.Theyfeelfrustrated,overwhelmed,evenangrywiththemselvesbecausetheyknowtheyneedtotakeaction,buttheycan'tgetthemselvestodoit.Thereisoneelementaryreason:theykeeptryingtochange their behavior, which is the effect, instead of dealing with the causebehindit.Understandingandutilizingtheforcesofpainandpleasurewillallowyouonceand for all to create the lasting changes and improvements you desire foryourselfandthoseyoucareabout.Failuretounderstandthisforcedoomsyoutoafutureof livinginreaction, likeananimaloramachine.Perhapsthissoundslikeacompleteoversimplification,butthinkaboutit.Whydon'tyoudosomeofthethingsyouknowyoushoulddo?Afterall,whatisprocrastination?It'swhenyouknowyoushoulddosomething,but you still don't do it. Why not? The answer is simple: at some level youbelievethattakingactioninthismomentwouldbemorepainfulthanjustputtingitoff.Yet,haveyoueverhadtheexperienceofputtingsomethingoffforsolongthatsuddenlyyoufeltpressuretojustdoit,togetitdone7Whathappened?Youchanged what you linked pain and pleasure to. Suddenly, not taking actionbecamemorepainfulthanputtingitoff.ThisisacommonoccurrencethatmanyAmericansexperiencearoundApril14!"Amanwhosuffersbeforeitisnecessary,suffersmorethanisnecessary."

SENECAWhatkeepsyoufromapproachingthatmanorwomanofyourdreams?What

keepsyoufromstartingthatnewbusinessyou'vebeenplanningforyears?Whydoyou keep putting off that diet?Whydo you avoid completing your thesis?Why haven't you taken control of your financial investment portfolio? Whatpreventsyou fromdoingwhatever it takes tomakeyour lifeexactlyasyou'veimaginedit?Eventhoughyouknowthatalltheseactionswouldbenefityou—thattheycoulddefinitely bring pleasure to your life—you fail to act simply because in thatmoment you associate more pain to doing what's necessary than missing the

opportunity. After all, what if you approached that person, and they rejectedyou?Whatifyoutriedtostartthatnewbusinessbutfailedandlostthesecurityyouhave inyourpresent job?What ifyoustartedadietandwent through thepainofstarvingyourself,onlytogaintheweightbackeventuallyanyway?Whatifyoumadeaninvestmentandlostyourmoney?Sowhyeventry?Formostpeople,thefearoflossismuchgreaterthanthedesireforgain.Whichwould drive you more: keeping someone from stealing the $100,000 you'veearnedoverthelastfiveyears,orthepotentialofearning$100,000inthenextfive?Thefactisthatmostpeoplewouldworkmuchhardertohangontowhatthey have than theywould to take the risks necessary to getwhat they reallywantfromtheirlives."The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of

havingpainandpleasureuseyou.Ifyoudothat,you'reincontrolofyourlife.Ifyoudon't,lifecontrolsyou."ANTHONYROBBINSOftenaninterestingquestioncomesupindiscussionsaboutthesetwinpowers

thatdriveus:Whyisitthatpeoplecanexperiencepainyetfailtochange?Theyhaven't experienced enough pain yet; they haven't hit what I call emotionalthreshold.Ifyou'veeverbeeninadestructiverelationshipandfinallymadethedecision to use your personal power, take action and change your life, it wasprobably because you hit a level of pain you weren't willing to settle foranymore.We'veallexperiencedthosetimesinourliveswhenwe'vesaid,"I'vehadit—neveragain—thismustchangenow."Thisisthemagicalmomentwhenpainbecomesourfriend.Itdrivesustotakenewactionandproducenewresults.Webecomeevenmorepowerfullycompelledtoactif,inthatsamemoment,webegintoanticipatehowchangingwillcreateagreatdealofpleasureforourlivesaswell.Thisprocessiscertainlynotlimitedtorelationships.Maybeyou'veexperiencedthreshold with your physical condition: you finally got fed up because youcouldn't squeeze into an airline seat, you couldn't fit into your clothes, andwalkingupasetofstairswindedyou.Finallyyousaid,"I'vehadit!"andmadeadecision.Whatmotivated thatdecision? Itwas thedesire to removepain fromyourlifeandestablishpleasureonceagain:thepleasureofpride,thepleasureofcomfort, thepleasureof self-esteem, thepleasureof living life thewayyou'vedesignedit.Of course, there aremany levels of pain and pleasure. For example, feeling asenseofhumiliationisaratherintenseformofemotionalpain.Feelingasenseofinconvenienceisalsopain.Soisboredom.Obviouslysomeofthesehaveless

intensity, but they still factor in the equation of decision-making. Likewise,pleasure weighs into this process. Much of our drive in life comes from ouranticipating thatouractionswill lead toamorecompellingfuture, that today'sworkwill bewell worth the effort, that the rewards of pleasure are near. Yettherearemanylevelsofpleasureaswell.Forexample,thepleasureofecstasy,while most would agree is intense, may sometimes be outweighed by thepleasureofcomfort.Italldependsonanindividual'sperspective.Forexample,let'ssayyou'reonyourlunchbreak,andyou'rewalkingpastaparkwhereaBeethovensymphonyisplaying.Willyoustopand listen?Itdepends,firstofall,onthemeaningyouassociatetoclassicalmusic.SomepeoplewoulddropanythingtobeabletolistentothevaliantstrainsoftheEroicaSymphony;forthem,Beethovenequalspurepleasure.Forothers,however,listeningtoanykindofclassicalmusicisaboutasexcitingaswatchingpaintdry.Enduringthemusicwouldequalameasureofpain,andsotheyhurrypasttheparkandbacktowork.But even somepeoplewho love classicalmusicwould not decide tostopandlisten.Maybetheperceivedpainofbeinglateforworkoutweighsthepleasuretheywouldgetfromhearingthefamiliarmelodies.Ormaybetheyhavea belief that stopping and enjoying music in the middle of the afternoon iswasteful of precious time, and the pain of doing something frivolous andinappropriate is greater than thepleasure themusic couldbring.Eachdayourlives are filled with these kinds of psychic negotiations. We are constantlyweighingourownproposedactionsandtheimpacttheywillhaveuponus.LIFE'SMOSTIMPORTANTLESSONDonaldTrumpandMotherTeresaaredrivenby theexact same force. I can

hear you saying, "Are you off your rocker. Tony? They couldn't be moredifferent!" It's absolutely true that their values lie at opposite ends of thespectrum, but they're both driven by pain and pleasure. Their lives have beenshapedbywhat they've learned togetpleasure from,andwhat they've learnedwillcreatepain.Themostimportantlessonwelearninlifeiswhatcreatespainfor us and what creates pleasure. This lesson is different for each of us and,therefore,soareourbehaviors.What's driven Donald Trump throughout his life? He's learned to achievepleasure by having the largest andmost expensive yachts, acquiring themostextravagantbuildings,making the shrewdestdeals—in short, accumulating thebiggest and best toys.What did he learn to link pain to? In interviews he hasrevealed that his ultimate pain in life is being second-best at anything—heequates it with failure. In fact, his greatest drive to achieve comes from hiscompulsiontoavoidthispain.It'safarmorepowerfulmotivatorthanhisdesire

togainpleasure.ManycompetitorshavetakengreatjoyinthepainthatTrumphasexperiencedfromthecollapseofmuchofhiseconomicempire.Ratherthanjudge him—or anyone else, including yourself—itmight bemore valuable tounderstand what's driving him and to have some compassion for his obviouspain.By contrast, look atMotherTeresa.Here's awomanwho cares so deeply thatwhensheseesotherpeopleinpain,shealsosuffers.Seeingtheinjusticeofthecaste systemwounded her. She discovered that when she took action to helpthese people, their pain disappeared, and so did hers. ForMother Teresa, theultimatemeaningoflifecanbefoundinoneofthemostimpoverishedsectionsof Calcutta, the City of Joy, which is swollen past the bursting point withmillionsofstarvinganddiseasedrefugees.Forher,pleasuremightmeanwadingthroughknee-deepmuck, sewage and filth inorder to reach a squalidhut andministertotheinfantsandchildrenwithin,theirtinybodiesravagedbycholeraanddysentery.Sheispowerfullydrivenbythesensationthathelpingothersoutoftheirmiseryhelpsalleviateherownpain,thatinhelpingthemexperiencelifeinabetterway—givingthempleasure—shewillfeelpleasure.Shelearnedthatputtingyourselfon the line forothers is thehighestgood; itgiveshera sensethatherlifehastruemeaning.WhileitmaybeastretchformostofustolikenthesublimehumilityofMotherTeresa to thematerialismofDonaldTrump, it'scritical to remember that thesetwo individuals shaped their destinies based upon what they linked pain andpleasureto.Certainlytheirbackgroundsandenvironmentsplayedaroleintheirchoices,butultimately theymadeconsciousdecisionsaboutwhat torewardorpunishthemselvesfor.WHAT YOU LINK PAIN TO ANDWHAT YOU LINK PLEASURE TO

SHAPESYOURDESTINYOnedecisionthathasmadeatremendousdifferenceinthequalityofmylife

is thatatanearlyageIbegantolinkincrediblepleasuretolearning.IrealizedthatdiscoveringideasandstrategiesthatcouldhelpmetoshapehumanbehaviorandemotioncouldgivemevirtuallyeverythingIwantedinmylife.Itcouldgetme out of pain and into pleasure. Learning to unlock the secrets behind ouractions could help me to become more healthy, to feel better physically, toconnectmoredeeplywiththepeopleIcaredabout.Learningprovidedmewithsomethingtogive,theopportunitytotrulycontributesomethingofvaluetoallthosearoundme.Itofferedmeasenseofjoyandfulfillment.Atthesametime,Idiscoveredanevenmorepowerful formofpleasure,and thatwasachievedbysharingwhat I'd learned inapassionateway.When Ibegan to see thatwhat I

could share helps people increase the quality of their lives, I discovered theultimatelevelofpleasure!Andmylife'spurposebegantoevolve.What are someof the experiences of pain andpleasure that have shapedyourlife?Whetheryou'velinkedpainorpleasuretodrugs,forexample,certainlyhasaffected your destiny. So have the emotions you've learned to associate tocigarettesoralcohol,relationships,oreventheconceptsofgivingortrusting.If you're a doctor, isn't it true that the decision to pursue amedical career somanyyearsagowasmotivatedbyyourbeliefthatbecomingaphysicianwouldmake you feel good? Every doctor I've talked to links massive pleasure tohelpingpeople:stoppingpain,healingillness,andsavinglives.Oftentheprideofbeingarespectedmemberofsocietywasanadditionalmotivator.Musicianshave dedicated themselves to their art because few things can give them thatsame level of pleasure. And CEOs of top organizations have learned to linkpleasure to making powerful decisions that have a huge potential to buildsomethinguniqueandtocontributetopeople'slivesinalastingway.Think of the limiting pain and pleasure associations of JohnBelushi, FreddiePrinze, Jimi Hendrix, Elvis Presley, Janis Joplin, and Jim Morrison. Theirassociations to drugs as an escape, a quick fix, or away out of pain and intotemporarypleasurecreatedtheirdownfalls.Theypaidtheultimatepricefornotdirecting their own minds and emotions. Think of the example they set formillionsof fans. Ineverdid learn toconsumedrugsoralcohol. Is itbecauseIwassobrilliant?No,it'sbecauseIwasveryfortunate.OnereasonIneverdrankalcoholisthat,asachild,therewereacoupleofpeopleinmyfamilywhoactedso obnoxiously when drunk that I associated extreme pain to drinking anyalcohol.OneespeciallygraphicimageIhaveisthememoryofmybestfriend'smom.Shewasextremelyobese,weighingclose to300pounds, and shedrankconstantly.Whenevershedid,shewantedtohugmeanddroolalloverme.Tothisday,thesmellofalcoholonanyone'sbreathnauseatesme.Beer, though,was another story.When Iwas about eleven or twelve, I didn'tconsideritanalcoholicdrink.Afterall,mydaddrankbeer,andhedidn'tgetthat"obnoxious"ordisgusting.Infact,heseemedtobealittlemorefunwhenhe'dhadafewbeers.Plus,IlinkedpleasuretodrinkingbecauseIwantedtobejustlikeDad.WoulddrinkingbeerreallymakemelikeDad?No,butwefrequentlycreate falseassociations inournervoussystems (neuroassociations)as towhatwillcreatepainorpleasureinourlives.OnedayIaskedmymomfora"brew."Shebeganarguingthatitwasn'tgoodforme. But trying to convince me when my mind was made up, when myobservationsofmyfathersoclearlycontradictedher,wasnotgoingtowork.Wedon't believe what we hear; rather, we are certain that our perceptions are

accurate—andIwascertainthatdaythatdrinkingbeerwasthenextstepinmypersonalgrowth.Finally,mymomrealizedI'dprobablyjustgodrinksomewhereelse if she didn't giveme an experience Iwouldn't forget.At some level, shemust have known she had to change what I associated to beer. So she said,"Okay,youwanttodrinkbeerandbelikeDad?Thenyou'vereallygottodrinkbeerjustlikeyourdad."Isaid,"Well,whatdoesthatmean?"Shesaid,"You'vegottodrinkawholesix-pack."Isaid,"Noproblem."Shesaid,"You'vegottodrinkitrighthere."WhenItookmyfirstsip,ittasteddisgusting,nothinglikewhatI'danticipated.Ofcourse,Iwouldn'tadmititatthetimebecause,afterall,mypridewasontheline.SoItookafewmoresips.Afterfinishing one beer I said, "Now I'm really full, Mom." She said, "No, here'sanotherone,"andpoppeditopen.Afterthethirdorfourthcan,Istartedfeelingsicktomystomach.I'msureyoucanguesswhathappenednext:Ithrewupallovermyselfandthekitchentable.Itwasdisgusting,andsowascleaningupthemess!Iimmediatelylinkedthesmellofbeertothevomitandhorriblefeelings.Inolongerhadanintellectualassociationtowhatdrinkingbeermeant.Inowhadanemotionalassociation inmynervoussystem,agut-levelneuroassociation—one that would clearly guidemy future decisions. As a result, I've never hadevenasipofbeersince!Canourpainandpleasure linkagesproduceaprocessionaleffect inour lives?Youbet.Thisnegativeneuroassociationforbeeraffectedmanyofmydecisionsin life. It influenced whom I hung out with at school. It determined how Ilearned togetpleasure. Ididn'tusealcohol: Iused learning; Iused laughter; Iusedsports.Ialsolearnedthatitfeltincredibletohelpotherpeople,soIbecamethe guy in school everybody came to with their problems, and solving theirproblems made both them and me feel good. Some things haven't changedthroughtheyears!Ialsoneveruseddrugsbecauseofasimilarexperience:whenIwasinthethirdorfourthgrade,thepolicedepartmentcametomyschoolandshowedussomefilmsabouttheconsequencesofgettinginvolvedinthedrugscene.Iwatchedaspeopleshotup,passedout,spacedout,andleapedoutofwindows.Asayoungboy,Iassociateddrugstouglinessanddeath,soInevertriedthemmyself.Mygoodfortunewasthatthepolicehadhelpedmeformpainfulneuroassociationsto even the idea of using drugs. Therefore, I have never even considered thepossibility.What can we leam from this? Simply this: if we link massive pain to anybehaviororemotionalpattern,wewillavoidindulginginitatallcosts.Wecanuse this understanding to harness the force of pain and pleasure to changevirtually anything in our lives, from a pattern of procrastinating to drug use.

Howdowedothis?Let'ssay,forexample,youwanttokeepyourchildrenoffdrugs. The time to reach them is before they experiment and before someoneelseteachesthemthefalseassociationthatdrugsequalpleasure.Mywife,Becky,andIdecidedthatthemostpowerfulwaytomakesureourkidswould never use drugs was to cause them to linkmassive pain to drugs.Weknew that unlesswe taught themwhat drugswere really about, someone elsemightconvincethemthatdrugswereausefulwayofescapingpain.Toaccomplishthistask,Icalleduponanoldfriend.CaptainJohnRondonoftheSalvationArmy.Foryears,I'vesupportedJohnintheSouthBronxandBrooklyninhelping streetpeoplemakechanges in their livesby raising their standards,changingtheirlimitingbeliefs,anddevelopinglifeskills.BeckyandIareveryproud of the peoplewho've usedwhatwe've taught to get off the streets andincrease thequalityof their lives. I'vealwaysusedmyvisits thereasawayofgiving something back and as a reminder of how fortunate I am. It keepsmefeeling appreciative of the life I have the privilege to lead. It also gives meperspectiveandkeepsmylifebalanced.IexplainedmygoalstoCaptainJohn,andhearrangedtotakemychildrenonatour theywould never forget, one thatwould give them a clear experience ofwhatdrugsdotothehumanspirit.Itbeganwithafirsthandvisittoarat-infested,rottingtenementbuilding.Theminutewewalkedin,mychildrenwereassaultedbythestenchofurine-soakedfloors,thesightofaddictsshootingupheedlessofwho was watching, child prostitutes soliciting passers-by, and the sound ofneglected,cryingchildren.Mental,emotional,andphysicaldevastationiswhatmykidslearnedtolinktodrugs.Thatwasfour-and-a-halfyearsago.Whiletheyhaveallbeenexposedtodrugsmanytimessince,theyhavenevertouchedthem.Thesepowerfulneuroassociationshavesignificantlyshapedtheirdestinies."If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing

itselfbut toyourownestimateof it;and thisyouhave thepower to revokeatanymoment."MARCUSAURELIUSWearetheonlybeingsontheplanetwholeadsuchrichinternallivesthatit's

not the events that matter most to us, but rather, it's how we interpret thoseeventsthatwilldeterminehowwethinkaboutourselvesandhowwewillactinthefuture.Oneofthethingsthatmakesussospecialisourmarvelousabilitytoadapt, to transform, tomanipulateobjectsor ideas toproduce somethingmorepleasingoruseful.Andforemostamongouradaptivetalentsistheabilitytotaketherawexperienceofourlives,relateittootherexperiences,andcreatefromitakaleidoscopic tapestry of meaning that's different from everyone else's in the

world.Only human beings can, for example, change their associations so thatphysicalpainwillresultinpleasure,orvice-versa.Remember a hunger striker confined to jail. Fasting for a cause, he survivesthirtydayswithout food.Thephysicalpainheexperiences isconsiderable,butit'soffsetbythepleasureandvalidationofdrawingtheworld'sattentiontohiscause. On a more personal, everyday level, individuals who follow intensephysicalregimensinordertosculpttheirbodieshavelearnedtolinktremendousfeelingsofpleasuretothe"pain"ofphysicalexertion.Theyhaveconvertedthediscomfort of discipline into the satisfaction of personal growth. This is whytheirbehaviorisconsistent,asaretheirresults!Throughthepowerofourwills,then,wecanweighsomethinglikethephysicalpain of starvation against the psychic pain of surrendering our ideals.We cancreate higher meaning; we can step out of the "Skinnerian box" * and takecontrol.Butifwefailtodirectourownassociationstopainandpleasure,we'reliving no better than animals or machines, continually reacting to ourenvironment, allowingwhatever comesupnext to determine thedirection andqualityofour lives.We'reback in thebox. It'sas ifweareapubliccomputer,witheasyaccessforlotsofamateurprogrammers!Our behavior, both conscious and unconscious, has been rigged by pain andpleasure from so many sources: childhood peers, moms and dads, teachers,coaches,movieandtelevisionheroes,andthelistgoeson.Youmayormaynotknow precisely when programming and conditioning occurred. It might havebeen something someone said, an incident at school, an award-winning sportsevent, an embarrassing moment, straight A's on your report card—or maybefailinggrades.Allofthesecontributedtowhoyouaretoday.Icannotemphasizestronglyenoughthatwhatyoulinkpainandpleasuretowillshapeyourdestiny.As you review your own life, can you recall experiences that formed yourneuroassociations and thus set in motion the chain of causes and effects thatbroughtyoutowhereyouaretoday?Whatmeaningdoyouattachtothings?Ifyou're single,doyou lookuponmarriagewistfullyasa joyousadventurewithyourlife'smate,ordoyoudreaditasaheavyballandchain?Asyousitdowntodinnertonight,doyouconsumefoodmatter-of-factlyasanopportunitytorefuelyourbody,ordoyoudevouritasyoursolesourceofpleasure?"Men, aswell aswomen, aremuchoftener ledby theirhearts thanby their

understandings."—LORDCHESTERFIELDThoughwe'dliketodenyit,thefactremainsthatwhatdrivesourbehavioris

instinctive reaction to pain and pleasure, not intellectual calculation.

Intellectually,wemaybelievethateatingchocolateisbadforus,butwe'llstillreachforit.Why?Becausewe'renotdrivensomuchbywhatweintellectuallyknow, but rather by what we've learned to link pain and pleasure to in ournervoussystems.It'sourneuroassociations—theassociationswe'veestablishedin our nervous systems—that determine what we'll do. Althoughwe'd like tobelieve it's our intellect that really drives us, inmost cases our emotions—thesensationsthatwelinktoourthoughts—arewhattrulydriveus.Manytimeswetrytooverridethesystem.Forawhilewesticktoadiet;we'vefinallypushedourselvesovertheedgebecausewehavesomuchpain.Wewillhavesolvedtheproblemforthemoment—butifwehaven'teliminatedthecauseof the problem, itwill resurface.Ultimately, in order for a change to last,wemust link pain to our old behavior and pleasure to our new behavior, andcondition it until it's consistent.Remember,wewill all domore to avoidpainthanwewill to gain pleasure.Going on a diet and overriding our pain in theshort term by purewillpower never lasts simply becausewe still link pain togivingupfatteningfoods.Forthischangetobelong-term,we'vegottolinkpaintoeatingthosefoodssothatwenolongerevendesirethem,andpleasuretoeatmoreof the foods that nourishus.Peoplewhoare fit andhealthybelieve thatnothingtastesasgoodas thinfeels!Andtheylovefoodsthatnourish them.Infact, theyoften linkpleasure topushing theplateawaywith foodstillon it. Itsymbolizestothemthatthey'reincontroloftheirlives.The truth is thatwecan learn toconditionourminds,bodies,andemotions tolinkpainorpleasuretowhateverwechoose.Bychangingwhatwelinkpainandpleasureto,wewillinstantlychangeourbehaviors.Withsmoking,forexample,allyoumustdoislinkenoughpaintosmokingandenoughpleasuretoquitting.You have the ability to do this right now, but you might not exercise thiscapabilitybecauseyou'vetrainedyourbodytolinkpleasuretosmoking,oryoufear that stopping would be too painful. Yet, if you meet anyone who hasstopped,youwillfindthatthisbehaviorchangedinoneday:thedaytheytrulychangedwhatsmokingmeanttothem.IFYOUDON'THAVEAPLANFORYOURLIFE,

SOMEONEELSEDOESThe mission of Madison Avenue is to influence what we link pain and

pleasureto.Advertisersclearlyunderstandthatwhatdrivesusisnotsomuchourintellect as the sensations that we link to their products. As a result, they'vebecome experts in learning how to use exciting or soothing music, rapid orelegantimagery,brightorsubduedcolor,andavarietyofotherelementstoputusincertainemotionalstates; then,whenouremotionsareat theirpeak,when

the sensations are their most intense, they flash an image of their productcontinuouslyuntilwelinkittothesedesiredfeelings.Pepsi employed this strategy brilliantly in carving out a bigger share of thelucrative soft-drink market from their major competitor, Coca-Cola. Pepsiobserved the phenomenal success ofMichael Jackson, a youngmanwho hadspenthisentire life learninghow toheightenpeople'semotionsby thewayheusedhisvoice,hisbody,hisface,andhisgestures.Michaelsanganddancedinaway thatstimulatedhugenumbersofpeople to feel incrediblygood—somuchso that they'd often purchase one of his albums to recreate the feelings. Pepsiasked. How canwe transfer those sensations to our product? Their reasoningwasthatifpeopleassociatedthesamepleasurablefeelingstoPepsiastheydidtoMichaelJackson,they'dbuyPepsijustastheyboughthisalbums.Theprocessofanchoringnewfeelingstoaproductorideaistheintegraltransferencenecessaryto basic conditioning, something you'll learn more about in Chapter 6 as westudythescienceofNeuroAssociativeConditioning.Butfornow,considerthis:any time we're in an intense emotional state, when we're feeling strongsensations of pain or pleasure, anything unique that occurs consistently willbecome neurologically linked. Therefore, in the future, whenever that uniquethinghappensagain,theemotionalstatewillreturn.You've probably heard of Ivan Pavlov, a Russian scientist who, in the latenineteenth century, conducted conditioned-response experiments. His mostfamousexperimentwasoneinwhichherangabellasheofferedfoodtoadog,therebystimulatingthedogtosalivateandpairingthedog'ssensationswiththesoundofthebell.Afterrepeatingtheconditioningenoughtimes,Pavlovfoundthatmerely ringing thebellwould cause thedog to salivate—evenwhen foodwasnolongerbeinggiven.WhatdoesPavlovhavetodowithPepsi?First,PepsiusedMichaelJacksontogetusinapeakemotionalstate.Then,atthatprecisemoment,theyflashedtheproduct.Continuousrepetitionsofthiscreatedanemotionallinkageformillionsof Jackson's fans. The truth is thatMichael Jackson doesn't even drink Pepsi!And he wouldn't even hold an empty Pepsi can in his hand on camera! Youmightwonder, "Isn't this companycrazy?Theyhiredaguy for$15million torepresentthemwhodoesn'tevenholdtheirproduct,andtellseverybodythathewon't!Whatkindofspokespersonisthis?Whatacrazyidea!"Actually,itwasabrilliant idea. Sales went through the roof—so high that LA. Gear then hiredMichaelfor$20milliontorepresenttheirproduct.Andtoday,becausehe'sableto change the way people feel (he's what I call a "state inducer") he andSony/CBS just signed a 10-year recording contract that's reputed to be worthmorethan$1billion.Hisabilitytochangepeople'semotionalstatesmakeshim

invaluable.What we've got to realize is that this is all based on linking pleasurablesensationstospecificbehaviors.It'stheideathatifweusetheproduct,we'llliveour fantasies.Advertisershave taught all of us that if youdrive aBMW, thenyou're an extraordinary personwith exceptional taste. If you drive aHyundai,you're intelligent and frugal. If you drive aPontiac, you'll have excitement. Ifyou drive a Toyota, what a feeling you'll get! You're taught that if you wearObsession cologne, you'll soon be entwined in the throes of an androgynousorgy.IfyoudrinkPepsi,you'llbeabletojamwithM.C.Hammerastheepitomeofhip. If youwant tobe a "good"mom, thenyou feedyour childrenHostessfruitpies,cupcakesandTwinkles.Advertisershavenotedthatifenoughpleasurecanbegenerated,consumersareoftenwilling to overlook the fear of pain. It is an advertising adage that "sexsells," and there'snoquestion that thepleasurableassociationscreated inprintandonTVbyusingsexdothejob.Takealookatthetrendinsellingbluejeans.Whatarebluejeans,anyway?Theyusedtobeworkpants:functional,ugly.Howare they sold today?They'vebecomean international iconof everything that'ssexy, fashionable, and youthful. Have you ever watched a Levi's 501 jeanscommercial?Canyouexplainonetome?Theymakenosense,dothey?They'retotallyconfusing.Butattheend,youhavethedistinctimpressionthatsextookplacenearby.Doesthistypeofstrategyreallysellbluejeans?Youbet!Leviisthenumber-oneblue-jeansmanufacturerinAmericatoday.Is thepowerof conditioning to shapeour associations limited toproducts likesoft drinks, automobiles and blue jeans? Of course not. Take the lowly littleraisin, forexample.Doyouknowthat in1986, theCaliforniaRaisinAdvisoryBoardwasexpectingahugeharvest,yettheywerebeginningtopanic?Yearbyyear,they'dseentheirsalesdroppingby1percentannually.Indesperationtheyturned to their advertisingagencyandaskedwhat theycoulddo.The solutionwas simple: they needed to change people's feelings about raisins. For mostpeople, raisins were considered wimpy, lonely, and dull, according to RobertPhinney, the former director of the raisin board.*The taskwas clear: pump ahealthydoseofemotionalappealintotheshriveled-upfruit.Linkupsensationsthat people wanted. "Shriveled" and "dried" are not the sensations that mostpeople associate with feeling good about their lives. The raisin growers keptthinking.Whatcanweassociatetoraisinsthatwouldmakepeoplereallywanttobuythem?Atthetime,anoldMotownhitwasenjoyinganationalresurgence:"IHeardItThrough the Grapevine." Raisin growers thought. What if we can take thesesensationsthatmakesomanypeoplefeelgood,andlinkthemtoraisinstomake

themseemhip?TheyhiredaninnovativeanimatornamedWillVintonwhothencreated about thirty clay raisin figurines, each with a distinct personality, toboogietotheMotowntune.Inthosemoments,theCaliforniaRaisinswereborn.Theirfirstadcampaigncreatedaninstantsensationandsuccessfullylinkedthesensations that the raisin growers hoped for. As people watched the hip littleraisinsdance,theylinkedstrongfeelingsoffun,humor,andpleasuretotheonceboring fruit. The raisin had been reinvented as the essence ofCalifornia cool,andtheunspokenmessageofeachoftheseadswasthatifyouatethemyou'dbehip,too.Theupshot?Theraisinindustrywasrescuedfromitsdevastatingslumpinsalestoa20percentgrowthfactorannually.Theraisingrowershadsucceededin changing people's associations: instead of linking boredom to the fruit,consumershadlearnedtolinksensationsofexcitementandfun!Of course, the use of advertising as a form of conditioning is not limited tophysical products. Fortunately or unfortunately, we consistently see televisionand radio used as tools for changing what we associate to candidates in thepoliticalprocess.Nooneknowsthisbetterthanthemasterpoliticalanalystandopinion-shaperRogerAiles,whowas responsible for key elements ofRonaldReagan's successful1984campaignagainstWalterMondale, andwho in1988masterminded George Bush's successful campaign against Michael Dukakis.Ailesdesignedastrategy toconvey threespecificallynegativemessagesaboutDukakis—thathewassoftondefense, theenvironment,andcrime—andcausepeople to link painful sensations to him.One ad portrayedDukakis as a "kidplayingwar"inatank;anotherseemedtoblamehimforpollutionintheBostonHarbor. The most notorious one showed criminals being released fromMassachusetts jails through a revolving door, and played on the widespreadnegativepublicitygeneratedaroundthecountrybythe"WillieHortonincident."ConvictedmurdererWillieHorton,releasedfromjailaspartofacontroversialfurloughprograminDukakis'shomestate,failedtoreturnandtenmonthslaterwasarrestedforterrorizingayoungcouple,rapingthewomanandassaultingtheman.Manypeopletookissuewiththenegativefocusoftheseads.Personally,Ifoundthem highly manipulative. But it's hard to argue with their level of success,basedonthefactthatpeopledomoretoavoidpainthantogainpleasure.Manypeopledidn'tlikethewaythecampaignwasfought—andGeorgeBushwasoneof thosepeople—but itwashard toarguewith thereality thatpainwasaverypowerfulmotivator in shapingpeople'sbehavior.AsAiles says, "Thenegativeads cut through quicker. People tend to paymore attention to [these types ofads]. Peoplemay ormay not slow down to look at a beautiful pastoral scenealong the highway. But everyone looks at an auto accident."* There is no

questioning the effectiveness ofAiles's strategy.Bushwon a clearmajority ofthepopularvoteandsoundlytrouncedDukakisinoneofthebiggestlandslidesinelectoralcollegehistory.Theforceshapingworldopinionandconsumer'sbuyinghabitsisalsothesameforcethatshapesallofouractions.It'suptoyouandmetotakecontrolofthisforceanddecideonourownactionsconsciously,becauseifwedon'tdirectourownthoughts,we'llfallundertheinfluenceofthosewhowouldconditionustobehaveinthewaytheydesire.Sometimesthoseactionsarewhatwewouldhaveselectedanyway;sometimesnot.Advertisersunderstandhowtochangewhatwelink pain and pleasure to by changing the sensations we associate to theirproducts.Ifwewanttotakecontrolofourlives,wemustlearnto"advertise"inourownminds—andwecandothisinamoment.How?Simplybylinkingpaintothebehaviorswewanttostopatsuchahighlevelofemotionalintensitythatwe won't even consider those behaviors any longer. Aren't there things youwouldnever,everdo?Thinkofthesensationsyoulinktothose.Ifyoulinkthosesamefeelingsandsensationstothebehaviorsyouwanttoavoid,you'llneverdothemagain,either.Then,simplylinkpleasuretothenewbehavioryoudesireforyourself. Through repetition and emotional intensity, you can condition thesebehaviorswithinyourselfuntiltheyareautomatic.Sowhat'sthefirststepincreatingachange?Thefirststepissimplybecomingaware of the power that pain and pleasure exert over every decision, andthereforeeveryaction,thatwetake.Theartofbeingawareisunderstandingthatthese linkages—between ideas,words, images, sounds, and sensations of painandpleasure—arehappeningconstantly."I conceive that pleasures are to be avoided if greater pains be the

consequence,andpainstobecovetedthatwillterminateingreaterpleasures."—MICHELDEMONTAIGNETheproblemisthatmostofusbaseourdecisionsaboutwhattodoonwhat's

goingtocreatepainorpleasureintheshortterminsteadofthelongterm.Yet,inordertosucceed,mostofthethingsthatwevaluerequireustobeabletobreakthrough the wall of short-term pain in order to have long-term pleasure. Youmust put aside the passing moments of terror and temptation, and focus onwhat's most important in the long term: your values and personal standards.Remember, too, that it's not actual pain that drives us, but our fear thatsomethingwill leadtopain.Andit'snotactualpleasure thatdrivesus,butourbelief—oursenseofcertainty—thatsomehowtakingacertainactionwillleadtopleasure.We'renotdrivenbythereality,butbyourperceptionofreality.Mostpeoplefocusonhowtoavoidpainandgainpleasureintheshortterm,and

thereby create long term pain for themselves. Let's consider an example. Saysomeonewantstoloseafewextrapounds.(Iknowthishasneverhappenedtoyou,butlet'sjustpretendanyway!)Ontheonehand,thispersonmarshalsahostof excellent reasons for losing weight: they would feel healthier and moreenergized; they would fit into their clothes better; they would feel moreconfidentaroundmembersoftheoppositesex.Ontheotherhand,though,thereare just asmany reasons to avoid losingweight: they'd have to go on a diet;they'd continually feel hungry; they'd have to deny their urge to eat fatteningfoods;andbesides,whynotwaituntilaftertheholidays?Withthereasonsbalancedinthisway,manypeoplewouldtipthescalesinfavorofthepatternofputtingthingsoff—thepotentialpleasureofaslimmerfigurefaroutweighedbytheshort-termpainofdietarydeprivation.Shortterm,weavoidthe pain of feeling a twinge of hunger, and instead we give ourselves thatimmediatemorselofpleasurebyindulginginafewpotatochips,butitdoesn'tlast.Inthelongterm,wefeelworseandworseaboutourselves,nottomentionthefactthatitcausesourhealthtodeteriorate.Remember, anything youwant that's valuable requires that you break throughsome short-termpain in order to gain long-termpleasure. If youwant a greatbody,you'vegottosculptthatbody,whichrequiresbreakingthroughshort-termpain. Once you've done it enough times, working out becomes pleasurable.Dietingworks thesameway.Any typeofdiscipline requiresbreaking throughpain: discipline in business, relationships, personal confidence, fitness, andfinances.Howdoyoubreakthroughthediscomfortandcreatethemomentumtoreallyaccomplishyouraims?Startbymaking thedecision toovercomeit.Wecanalwaysdecidetooverridethepaininthemoment,andbetteryetistofollowupbyconditioningourselves,whichissomethingwe'llcoverindetailinChapter6.Aprimeexampleofhowthisshort-termfocuscancauseusalltotakeafall(asin Niagara) is reflected by the current savings-and-loan crisis—probably thesingle biggest financial mistake ever made in the history of our government.Estimates show it could cost taxpayers more than $500 billion, yet mostAmericanshaveno ideawhatcaused it.*Thisproblemwillmostcertainlybeonethatisthesourceofpain—atleasteconomicpain—foreveryman,womanandchildinthiscountry,probablyforgenerationstocome.InaconversationIhadwithLWilliamSeidman,chairmanoftheResolutionTrustCorporationandtheFederalDepositInsuranceCorporation,hetoldme,"Wearetheonlynationrichenoughtosurvivesuchabigmistake."Whatdidcreatethisfinancialmess?It's a classic example of trying to eliminate pain by solving a problemwhilenurturingthecause.

Itallbeganwithsavingsandloanchallengesthatcameupinthelateseventiesand early eighties. Banking and S&L institutions had built their businessprimarilyonthecorporateandconsumermarket.Forabanktoprofit, ithastomake loans, and those loanshave tobe at an interest rate that's abovewhat itpays out to depositors. In the first stages of the problem, the banks faceddifficultiesonseveralfronts.First,theywerehithardwhencorporationsenteredwhathadpreviouslybeen thesoledomainofbanks: lending.Largecompaniesfound that by lending to one another, they saved significantly on interest,developingwhat'snowknownas the "commercialpapermarket."Thiswas sosuccessfulthatitvirtuallydestroyedtheprofitcentersofmanybanks.Meanwhile, therewerenewdevelopments on theAmerican consumer front aswell. Traditionally, consumers did not look forward to meeting with a loanofficeratabank,meeklyaskingforloanstopurchaseacarorlargeappliance.Ithink we can fairly say that this was a painful experience for most as theysubjectedthemselvestofinancialscrutiny.Theydidn'tusuallyfeellikea"valuedcustomer"atmanybanks.Carcompanieswere smartenough to recognize thisandbeganofferingloanstotheircustomers,creatinganewsourceofprofitforthemselves.Theysawthattheycouldmakeasmuchmoneyonthefinancingastheydidonthecar theysold,andtheycouldgivethecustomeragreatdealofconvenience and lower interest rates. Their attitude was, of course, quitedifferentfromthebankers'—theyhadavestedinterestinseeingthecustomergethis loan. Soon, the customers came to prefer the in-house financing over thetraditionalmethod,appreciating theconvenience, flexibility,and lowfinancingfees.Everythingwashandled in oneplaceby a courteouspersonwhowantedtheirbusiness.Consequently,GeneralMotorsAcceptanceCorporation(GMAC)quicklybecameoneofthelargestcar-financingcompaniesinthecountry.Oneof the lastbastions forbank loanswas the real estatemarket,but interestratesandinflationhadsoaredinoneyearashighas18percent.Asaresult,noonecouldafford themonthlypayments thatservicing loansat this interest raterequired.Asyoucanimagine,realestateloansdroppedoffthemap.Bythistime,thebankshadlosttheircorporatecustomersenmasse,theyhadlostthemarket for a great deal of their car loans, and they had begun to lose thehome loans as well. The final slap to the banks was that the depositors, inresponse to inflation,neededahigher rateof returnwhile thebankswere stillcarryingloansthatwouldyieldsignificantlylowerinterestrates.Everyday,thebankswerelosingmoney;theysawtheirsurvivalatstakeanddecidedtodotwothings. First, they lowered their standards for qualifying customers for loans.Why? Because they believed that if they didn't lower their standards, therewouldbenoonetoloanmoneyto.Andiftheydidn'tloanmoney,theycouldn't

profit,andthey'dclearlyhavepain.If,however,theywereabletoloanmoneytosomeonewhopaid themback, they'dhavepleasure.Plus, therewasvery littlerisk. If they loanedmoney and the lendee didn'tmeet the obligation, then thetaxpayers, namely you and I, would bail them out anyway. So in the finalanalysis, there was very little fear of pain and tremendous incentive to "risk"their(our?)capital.ThesebanksandS&LsalsopressuredCongress tohelpkeep themfromgoingunder, and a series of changes occurred. Large banks realized that they couldloan money to foreign nations that were desperately hungry for capital. Thelendersrealizedthatoverbreakfasttheycouldcommitmorethan$50milliontoacountry.Theydidn'thavetoworkwithmillionsofconsumerstolendthesameamount,and theprofitson these larger loansweresizable.Thebankmanagersand loan officers were also often given bonuses in relation to the size andnumberofloanstheycouldproduce.Thebankswerenolongerfocusingonthequalityofaloan.TheirfocuswasnotonwhetheracountrylikeBrazilcouldpaytheloanbackornot,andfrankly,manyweren'tterriblyconcerned.Why?Theydidexactlywhatwetaughtthem:weencouragedthemtobegamblerswiththeFederalDepositInsurance,promisingthatiftheywon,theywonbig,andiftheyfailed,wewouldpickupthetab.Therewassimplytoolittlepaininthisscenarioforthebanker.Smallerbanks,whodidn'thavetheresourcestoloantoforeigncountries,foundthatthenextbestthingwastoloantocommercialdevelopershereintheUnitedStates.They,too,loweredtheirstandardssothatdeveloperscouldborrowwithnomoneydowninsteadofthetraditional20percent.Whatwasthedevelopers'response?Well,theyhadnothingontheline,theywereusingonlyotherpeople'smoney, and at the same timeCongress hadbuilt suchhigh tax incentives intocommercial building that the builders had absolutely nothing to lose.They nolongerhadtoanalyzewhetherthemarketwasright,orwhetherthebuildingwasproperlylocatedorsized.Thedevelopers'only"downside"wasthattheywouldhavethemostincredibletaxwrite-offoftheirlives.As a result, builders built like crazy, causing a glut on themarket.When thesupplywassomuchgreaterthanthedemand,themarketcollapsed.Developerswent back to the banks and said, "We can't pay," and the banks turned to thetaxpayersandsaid,"Wecan'tpay."Unfortunately,there'snobodywecanturnto.What'sworse, people have seen the abuse in this country, and the assumptionnow is that anyone who is wealthymust have taken advantage of somebody.This is creating negative attitudes towardmany in businesswho are often theverypeopleprovidingjobsthatallowAmericans'dreamstoflourish.Thiswholemessillustratesourlackofunderstandingofthepain-pleasuredynamicandthe

inadvisabilityoftryingtoconquerlong-termproblemswithshort-termsolutions.Painandpleasurearealsothebackstagedirectorsofglobaldrama.Foryearswelived through an escalating arms race with the USSR. The two nations wereconstantlybuildingmoreweaponsastheultimatethreat:"Ifyoutrytohurtus,we'llretaliateandhurtyouevenworse."Andthestandoffcontinuedtobuildtothepoint atwhichwewere spending$15,000a secondonarms.What causedGorbachev to suddenly decide to renegotiate arms reduction? The answer ispain.Hebegantoassociatemassivepain to the ideaof tryingtocompetewithourmilitary arms buildup. Financially it justwasn't feasible; he couldn't evenfeed his people! When people can't eat, they're more concerned about theirstomachsthanaboutguns.They'remoreinterestedinfillingtheirlardersthanthecountry'sarmament.Theybegintobelievethatmoneyisbeingspentfrivolously,andtheyinsistonachange.DidGorbachevchangehispositionbecausehe'sagreatguy?Maybe.Butonethingiscertain:hedidn'thaveachoice."Naturehasplacedmankindunderthegovernmentoftwosovereignmasters,

painandpleasure...theygovernusinallwedo,inallwesay,inallwethink:every effort we can make to throw off our subjection, will serve but todemonstrateandconfirmit."JEREMYBENTHAMWhydopeoplepersistinanunsatisfyingrelationship,unwillingeithertowork

towardsolutionsorend it andmoveon? It'sbecause theyknowchangingwilllead to theunknown,andmostpeoplebelieve that theunknownwillbemuchmore painful thanwhat they're already experiencing. It's like the old proverbssay:"Better thedevilyouknowthan thedevilyoudon'tknow,""Abird in thehand is worth two in the bush." These core beliefs keep us from taking theactionsthatcouldchangeourlives.Ifwewanttohaveartintimaterelationship,thenwehavetoovercomeourfearsofrejectionandvulnerability.Ifwe'replanningtogointobusiness,wemustbewillingtoovercomeourfearoflosingsecuritytomakethathappen.Infact,mostof the things that are valuable in our lives require us to go against the basicconditioningofournervoussystems.Wemustmanageour fearsbyoverridingthispreconditionedsetofresponsesand,inmanycases,wemusttransformthatfear intopower.Many times, the fear thatweareallowing tocontrolusneverbecomes reality anyway. It's possible for people to link pain, for example, toflying in an airplane, while there's no logical reason for the phobia. They'rerespondingtoapainfulexperienceintheirpastorevenanimaginedfuture.Theymayhavereadinthepapersaboutairplaneaccidents,andnowtheyavoidgettingonplanes:they'reallowingthatfeartocontrolthem.Wemustmakesurethatwe

liveourlivesinthepresentandrespondtothingsthatarereal,nottoourfearsofwhatoncewasorwhatmightsomedaybe.Thekeythingtorememberisthatwedon'tmoveawayfromrealpain;wemoveawayfromwhatwebelievewillleadtopain.LET'SMAKESOMECHANGESRIGHTNOWFirst,writedownfouractions thatyouneedto takethatyou'vebeenputting

off.Maybe you need to lose someweight.Maybe you need to stop smoking.Maybeyouneedtocommunicatewithsomeoneyou'vehadafallingoutwith,orreconnectwithsomeonewho'simportanttoyou.Second, under each of these actions, write down the answer to the followingquestions:Whyhaven't I taken action? In thepast,what painhave I linked totakingthisaction?Answeringthesequestionswillhelpyouunderstandthatwhathasheldyoubackisthatyou'veassociatedgreaterpaintotakingtheactionthanto not taking it. Be honest with yourself. If you're thinking, "I have no painassociated to it," thinka littleharder.Maybe thepain is simple:maybe it's thepainoftakingtimeoutofyourbusyschedule.Third,write down all the pleasure you've had in the past by indulging in thisnegativepattern.Forexample, ifyou thinkyoushould losesomeweight,whyhaveyoucontinuedtoeatwholepansofbrowniesandbulk-sizebagsofchips,andtoguzzle twelve-packsofsodapop?You'reavoidingthepainofdeprivingyourself,yes,andatthesametimeyou'rereallydoingthisbecauseitmakesyoufeel good right now. It gives you pleasure! Instant pleasure!No onewants togiveupthesefeelings!Inordertocreateachangethatwilllast,weneedtofindanew way to get the same pleasure without any negative consequences.Identifyingthepleasureyou'vebeengettingwillhelpyouknowwhatyourtargetis.Fourth,write downwhat it will cost you if you don't change now.Whatwillhappen if you don't stop eating so much sugar and fat? If you don't stopsmoking?Ifyoudon'tmakethatphonecallthatyouknowyouneedtomake?Ifyou don't start consistently working out each day? Be honest with yourself.What's itgoingtocostyouoverthenexttwo,three,four,fiveyears?What's itgoingtocostyouemotionally?What'sitgoingtocostyouintermsofyourself-image?Whatwillitcostyouinyourphysicalenergylevel?Whatwillitcostyouinyourfeelingsofself-esteem?Whatwill itcostyoufinancially?Whatwill itcostyouinyourrelationshipswith thepeopleyoucareaboutmost?Howdoesthatmakeyou feel?Don't just say, "Itwill costmemoney"or "Iwill be fat."That'snotenough.You'vegottorememberthatwhatdrivesusisouremotions.Sogetassociatedandusepainasyourfriend,onethatcandriveyoutoanew

levelofsuccess.Thefinalstepistowritedownallthepleasureyou'llreceivebytakingeachofthese actions right now.Make ahuge list thatwill driveyou emotionally, thatwillreallygetyouexcited:"I'llgainthefeelingofreallybeingincontrolofmylife,ofknowing that I'm incharge. I'llgainanew levelofself-confidence. I'llgainphysicalvitalityandhealth. I'llbeable tostrengthenallmyrelationships.I'lldevelopmorewillpowerwhichIcoulduseineveryotherareaofmylife.Mylifewill be better in all theseways, now.Over the next two, three, four, fiveyears. By taking this action, I will live my dream." Envision all the positiveimpactsbothinthepresentandinthelongterm.I encourage you to take the time now to complete this exercise, and to takeadvantage of the great momentum you've been building up as you've movedthroughthisbook.Carpediem!Seizetheday!There'snotimelikethepresent.Butifyoucan'twaitanothersecondbeforepressingontothenextchapter,thenby all means, do so. Just be sure to come back to this exercise later anddemonstrate toyourself thecontrolyouhaveover the twinpowersofpainandpleasure.This chapter has shown you again and again that what we link pain to andpleasure to shapes every aspect of our lives and that we have the power tochange these associations and, therefore, our actions and our destinies.But inordertodothis,wemustunderstand...

BELIEFSYSTEMS:THEPOWERTOCREATEANDTHEPOWERTODESTROY"Underallthatwethink,livesallwebelieve,

liketheultimateveilofourspirits."—ANTONIOMACHADOHe was bitter and cruel, an alcoholic and drug addict who almost killed

himselfseveraltimes.Todayheservesalifesentenceinprisonforthemurderofaliquorstorecashierwho"gotinhisway."Hehastwosons,bornamereelevenmonths apart, oneofwhomgrewup to be "just likeDad": a drug addictwholived by stealing and threatening others until he, too, was put in jail forattemptedmurder.Hisbrother,however,isadifferentstory:amanwho'sraisingthree kids, enjoys his marriage, and appears to be truly happy. As regionalmanager for amajornational concern,he findshisworkbothchallengingandrewarding.He'sphysicallyfit,andhasnoalcoholordrugaddictions!Howcouldthesetwoyoungmenhaveturnedoutsodifferently,havinggrownupinvirtuallythe same environment? Both were asked privately, unbeknownst to the other,"Whyhasyour life turnedout thisway?"Surprisingly, theybothprovided theexactsameanswer:"WhatelsecouldIhavebecome,havinggrown upwith a father like that?" So oftenwe're seduced into believing thateventscontrolourlivesandthatourenvironmenthasshapedwhowearetoday.Nogreaterliewasevertold.It'snottheeventsofourlivesthatshapeus,butourbeliefsas towhat thoseeventsmean.Twomenareshotdown inVietnamandimprisonedintheinfamousHoaLoprison.Theyareisolated,chainedtocementslabs,andcontinuouslybeatenwithrustyshacklesandtorturedforinformation.Yet although these men are receiving the same abuse, they form radicallydifferentbeliefsabouttheirexperience.Onemandecidesthathislifeisover,andin order to avoid any additional pain, commits suicide. The other pulls fromthese brutalizing events a deeper belief in himself, his fellow man, and hisCreatorthanhe'severhadbefore.CaptainGeraldCoffeeuseshisexperienceofthis to remind people all over the world of the power of the human spirit toovercomevirtuallyanylevelofpain,anychallenge,oranyproblem.Twowomenturnseventyyearsold,yeteachtakesadifferentmeaningfromtheevent.One"knows"thatherlifeiscomingtoanend.Toher,sevendecadesoflivingmeanthatherbodymustbebreakingdownandshe'dbetterstartwindingupheraffairs.Theotherwomandecidesthatwhatapersoniscapableofatany

agedependsuponherbelief,andsetsahigherstandardforherself.Shedecidesthatmountainclimbingmightbeagoodsporttobeginattheageofseventy.Forthenexttwentyfiveyearsshedevotesherselftothisnewadventureinmastery,scalingsomeofthehighestpeaksintheworld,untiltoday,inhernineties,HuldaCrookshasbecometheoldestwomantoascendMountFuji.You see, it's never the environment; it's never the events of our lives, but themeaningweattachtotheevents—howweinterpretthem—thatshapeswhowearetodayandwhowe'llbecometomorrow.Beliefsarewhatmakethedifferencebetweena lifetimeof joyouscontributionandoneofmisery anddevastation.Beliefs arewhat separate aMozart fromaManson.Beliefsarewhatcausesomeindividualstobecomeheroes,whileothers"leadlivesofquietdesperation."Whatareourbeliefsdesignedfor?They'retheguiding force to tell uswhatwill lead to pain andwhatwill lead to pleasure.Wheneversomethinghappensinyourlife,yourbrainaskstwoquestions:1)Willthismeanpainorpleasure?2)Whatmust I donow to avoidpain and/orgainpleasure?Theanswerstothesetwoquestionsarebasedonourbeliefs,andourbeliefsaredrivenbyourgeneralizationsaboutwhatwe'velearnedcould lead topainandpleasure.Thesegeneralizationsguideallofouractions and thus the direction and quality of our lives.Generalizations can beveryuseful;theyaresimplytheidentificationof similar patterns. For example, what allows you to open a door?. You lookdownatahandleand,althoughyou'veneverseenthisspecificonebefore,youcangenerallyfeelcertainthatthisdoorwillopenifyouturnthehandlerightorleft,ifyoupushorpullit.Whydoyoubelievethis?Simply,yourexperienceofdoorshasprovidedenoughreferencestocreateasenseofcertaintythatallowsyou to follow through.Without this sense of certainty, wewould virtually beunabletoleavethehouse,driveourcars,useatelephone,ordoanyoneofthedozensofthingswedoinaday.Generalizationssimplifyourlivesandallowusto function.Unfortunately, generalizations inmore complex areas of our livescanoversimplifyandsometimescreatelimitingbeliefs.Maybeyou'vefailedtofollowthroughonvariousendeavorsafewtimesinyourlife,andbasedonthat,youdevelopedabeliefthatyouareincompetent.Onceyoubelievethisistrue,itcanbecome a self-fulfillingprophecy.Youmay say, "Why even try if I'mnotgoingtofollowthroughanyway?"Orperhapsyou'vemadeafewpoordecisionsinbusinessorinrelationships,andhaveinterpretedthattomeanyouwillalways"sabotage"yourself.Ormaybeinschoolyoudidn't learnasquicklyasyouthoughtotherkidsdid,andrather than considering the idea that youhad adifferent learning strategy, you

may have decided that you were "learning-disabled." On another level, isn'tracial prejudice fueled by awholesale generalization about an entire group ofpeople?Thechallengewithall thesebeliefsis that theybecomelimitationsforfuture decisions about who you are and what you're capable of. We need toremember thatmostofourbeliefsaregeneralizationsaboutourpast,basedonour interpretations of painful and pleasurable experiences. The challenge isthreefold:1)mostofusdonotconsciouslydecidewhatwe'regoingtobelieve;2) often our beliefs are based onmisinterpretation of past experiences; and 3)onceweadoptabelief,weforgetit'smerelyaninterpretation.Webegintotreatourbeliefsasifthey'rerealities,asiftheyaregospel.Infact,werarely,ifever,questionourlong-heldbeliefs.Ifyoueverwonderwhypeopledowhattheydo,again,youneedtorememberthathumanbeingsarenotrandomcreatures:allofour actions are the result of our beliefs. Whatever we do, it is out of ourconsciousorunconsciousbeliefsaboutwhatwillleadtopleasureorawayfrompain.Ifyouwanttocreatelong-termandconsistentchangesinyourbehaviors,youmustchangethebeliefsthatareholdingyouback.Beliefshavethepowertocreateandthepowertodestroy.Humanbeingshavetheawesomeability to takeanyexperienceof their livesandcreateameaningthat disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. Some peoplehave taken thepainof theirpastandsaid, "Becauseof this, Iwillhelpothers.BecauseIwasraped,nooneelsewillbeharmedagain."Or,"BecauseIlostmysonordaughter,Iwillmakeadifferenceintheworld."It'snotsomethingtheywanted to believe, but rather, adopting this type of belief was a necessity forthemtobeabletopickupthepiecesandmoveontoliveempoweringlives.Weall have the capacity to createmeanings that empower us, but somany of usnevertapintoit,orevenrecognizeit.Ifwedon'tadoptthefaiththatthereisareason for the unexplainable tragedies of life, then we begin to destroy ourcapacitytotrulylive.Theneedtobeabletocreateameaningoutoflife'smostpainfulexperienceswasobservedbypsychiatristViktorFrankiasheandotherHolocaust victims survived the horrors of Auschwitz and other concentrationcamps.Frankinotedthatthosespecialfewwhowereabletomakeitthroughthis"hell on earth" shared one thing in common: they were able to endure andtransformtheirexperiencebyfindinganempoweringmeaningfortheirpain.Theydevelopedthebeliefthatbecausetheysufferedandsurvived,theywouldbeabletotellthestoryandmakecertainthatno human being would ever suffer this way again. Beliefs are not limited toimpacting our emotions or actions. They can literally change our bodies in amatter of moments. I had the pleasure of interviewing Yale professor andbestsellingauthorDr.BernieSiegel.Aswebegantospeakabout thepowerof

belief,Berniesharedwithmesomeof the research he'd done on people with Multiple Personality Disorders.Incredibly,thepotencyofthesepeople'sbeliefsthattheyhadbecomeadifferentperson resulted in an unquestioned command to their nervous system tomakemeasurable changes in their biochemistry. The result? Their bodies wouldliterallytransformbeforetheresearchers'eyesandbegintoreflectanewidentityatamoment'snotice.Studiesdocumentsuchremarkableoccurrencesaspatients'eyecoloractuallychangingastheirpersonalitychanges,orphysicalmarksdisappearingandreappearing!Evendiseasessuchasdiabetesorhighbloodpressurecomeandgodependingontheperson'sbeliefastowhichpersonalitythey'remanifesting.Beliefsevenhavethecapacitytooverridetheimpactofdrugsonthebody.Whilemostpeoplebelievethat drugs heal, studies in the new science of psychoneuroimmunology (themind-body relationship) have begun to bear out what many others havesuspected for centuries: our beliefs about the illness and its treatment play assignificantarole,maybeanevenmoresignificantrole,thanthetreatmentitself.Dr. Henry Beecher fromHarvard University has done extensive research thatclearlydemonstratesthatweoftengivecredittoadrug,wheninrealityit'sthepatient's belief that makes the difference. One demonstration of this was agroundbreaking experiment in which 100 medical students were asked toparticipate in testing two new drugs. One was described to them as a super-stimulant in a red capsule, the other as a super-tranquilizer in a blue capsule.Unbeknownsttothestudents,thecontentsofthecapsuleshadbeenswitched:thered capsule was actually a barbiturate, and the blue capsule was actually anamphetamine. Yet half of the students developed physical reactions that wentalongwiththeirexpectations—exactlytheoppositeofthechemicalreactionthedrugsshouldhaveproducedintheirbodies!Thesestudentswerenotjustgivenplacebos;theyweregivenactualdrugs.Buttheirbeliefsoverrodethechemicalimpact of the drug on their bodies. As Dr. Beecher later stated, a drug'susefulness"isadirectresultofnotonlythechemicalpropertiesofthedrug,butalsothepatient'sbeliefintheusefulnessandeffectivenessofthedrug.""Drugsarenotalwaysnecessary,[but]beliefinrecoveryalwaysis."

-ORMANCOUSINSIhadtheprivilegeofknowingNormanCousinsforalmostsevenyears,andI

wasfortunateenoughtohavethelast tapedinterviewwithhimjustonemonthbeforehepassedon.Inthatinterview,hesharedastoryabouthowstronglyourbeliefsaffectourphysicalbodies.Ata footballgame inMontereyPark,aLosAngeles suburb, several people experienced the symptoms of food poisoning.

Theexaminingphysiciandeduced that thecausewasacertain softdrink fromthedispensingmachinesbecauseallofhispatientshadpurchasedsomepriortobecomingill.Anannouncementwasmadeovertheloudspeakerrequestingthatno one patronize the dispensingmachine, saying some people had become illand describing the symptoms. Pandemonium immediately broke out in thestandsaspeopleretchedandfaintedindroves.Evenafewpeoplewhohadnotevengonenear themachine became ill!Ambulances from local hospitals did a boomingbusiness that day, as they drove back and forth to the stadium, transportingmultitudesofstrickenfans.Whenitwasdiscoveredthatthedispensingmachinewasnottheculprit,peopleimmediatelyand"miraculously"recovered.Weneedtorealizethatourbeliefshavethecapacitytomakeussickormakeushealthyinamoment.Beliefs have been documented to affect our immune systems.Andmostimportantly,beliefscaneithergiveustheresolvetotakeaction,orweakenanddestroyourdrive. In thismomentbeliefs are shapinghowyou respond towhatyou'vejustreadandwhatyou'regoingtodowithwhatyou'relearninginthis book. Sometimes we develop beliefs that create limitations or strengthswithinaveryspecificcontext;forinstance,howwefeelaboutourabilitytosingor dance, fix a car, or do calculus. Other beliefs are so generalized that theydominatevirtuallyeveryaspectofourlives,eithernegativelyorpositively.Icallthese global beliefs. Global beliefs are the giant beliefs we have abouteverythinginourlives:beliefsaboutouridentities,people,work,time,money,and life itself, for thatmatter.Thesegiantgeneralizations areoftenphrasedasis/am/are:"Lifeis...""Iam...""Peopleare..."Asyoucanimagine,beliefsofthissizeandscopecanshapeandcoloreveryaspectofourlives.Thegoodnewsabout this is thatmaking one change in a limiting global belief you currentlyhold can change virtually every aspect of your life in amoment! Remember:Once accepted, our beliefs become unquestioned commands to our nervoussystems,and theyhave thepower toexpandordestroy thepossibilitiesofourpresentandfuture.Ifwewant to direct our lives, then,wemust take conscious control over ourbeliefs.Andinordertodothat,wefirstneedtounderstandwhattheyreallyareandhowtheyareformed.WHATISABELIEF?

What is a belief, anyway?Often in lifewe talk about thingswithouthaving aclear idea ofwhat they really are.Most people treat a belief as if it's a thing,when really all it is is a feeling of certainty about something. If you say youbelievethatyou'reintelligent,allyou'rereallysayingis,"IfeelcertainthatI'm

intelligent."That senseofcertaintyallowsyou to tap into resources thatallowyou to produce intelligent results. We all have the answers inside of us forvirtuallyanything—orat leastwehaveaccess to theanswersweneed throughothers.Butoftenourlackofbelief,ourlackofcertainty,causesusnottobeabletousethecapacitythatresideswithinus.Asimplewayofunderstandingabeliefistothinkaboutitsbasicbuildingblock:anidea.Therearealotofideasyoumaythinkaboutbutnotreallybelieve.Let'stake, for example, the idea that you're sexy. Stop for a second and say toyourself,"I'msexy."Now,whetherit'sanideaorabeliefwillcomedowntotheamountofcertaintyyoufeelaboutthisphraseasyousayit.Ifyouthink,"Well,I'mnotreallysexy,"whatyou'rereallysayingis,"Idon't feelverycertain thatI'msexy."Howdowe turnan idea intoabelief?Letmeofferyoua simplemetaphor todescribetheprocess.Ifyoucanthinkofanideaasbeinglikeatabletopwithnolegs,you'llhaveafairrepresentationofwhyanideadoesn'tfeelascertainasabelief.Withoutany legs, that tabletopwon'tevenstandupby itself.Belief,onthe other hand, has legs. If you really believe, "I'm sexy," how do you knowyou're sexy? Isn't it true that you have some references to support the idea—some experiences in life to back it up? Those are the legs that make yourtabletopsolid,thatmakeyourbeliefcertain.Whataresomeofthereferenceexperiencesyou'vehad?Maybemenandwomenhave told you that you're sexy. Ormaybe you look at yourself in themirror,compareyourimagetothatofthosewhomotherpeopleconsidersexy,andsay,"Hey,I looklikethem!"Ormaybestrangersonthestreetcalloutandwavetoyou.Alltheseexperiencesmeannothinguntilyouorganizethemundertheideathatyou'resexy.Asyoudothis,thelegsmakeyoufeelsolidabouttheideaandcauseyoutobegintobelieveit.Yourideafeelscertainandisnowabelief.Onceyouunderstandthismetaphor,youcanbegintoseehowyourbeliefsareformed,andgetahintofhowyoucanchange themaswell.First, though, it'simportant to note that we can develop beliefs about anything if we just findenoughlegs—enoughreferenceexperiences—tobuilditup.Thinkaboutit.Isn'tit true that you have enough experiences in your life, or know enough otherpeoplewhohavegonethroughtoughtimeswithotherhumanbeings,thatifyoureallywantedtoyoucouldeasilydevelopthebelief thatpeoplearerottenand,given half a chance, would take advantage of you?Maybe you don't want tobelieve this, andwe've already discussed that itwould be disempowering, butdon't you have experiences that could back up this idea and make you feelcertainaboutit ifyouwantedto?Isn't italsotruethatyouhaveexperiencesin

life—references—to back up the idea that if you really care about people andtreatthemwell,theyarebasicallygoodandwillwanttohelpyoutoo?Thequestionis:whichoneofthesebeliefsisthetruebelief?Theansweristhatit doesn't matter which one is true. What matters is which one is mostempowering.Weall can find someone tobackupourbelief andmakeus feelmoresolidabout it.This ishowhumanbeingsareable torationalize.Thekeyquestion, again, is whether this belief is strengthening or weakening us,empowering or disempowering us on a daily basis. So what are the possiblesources of references in our lives? Certainly, we can pull from our personalexperiences.Sometimeswegather references through informationweget fromotherpeople,orfrombooks,tapes,movies,andsoon.Andsometimesweformreferences based solely on our imagination. The emotional intensity we feelaboutanyofthesereferenceswilldefinitelyaffectthestrengthandwidthoftheleg.Thestrongestandmost solid legs are formed by personal experiences thatwe have a lot ofemotionattached tobecause theywerepainfulorpleasurableexperiences.Theotherfactoristhenumberofreferenceswehave—obviously,themorereferenceexperiencessupportinganidea,thestrongeryourbeliefwillbeinit.Do your references have to be accurate in order for you to be willing to usethem?No,theycanberealorimaginary,accurateorinaccurate—evenourownpersonalexperiences,assolidlyaswefeelaboutthem,aredistortedbyourownpersonalperspective.Because human beings are capable of such distortion and invention, thereference legswe can use to assemble our beliefs are virtually unlimited.Thedownsideofthisisthat,regardlessofwhereourreferencescomefrom,webeginto accept them as real and thus no longer question them! This can have verypowerful negative consequences depending upon the beliefswe adopt.By thesame token,wehave theability touse imaginedreferences topropelus in thedirectionofourdreams.Peoplecansucceed if they imaginesomethingvividlyenough justaseasilyas if theyhad the actual experiences. That's because our brains can't tell the differencebetween something we've vividly imagined and something we've actuallyexperienced. With enough emotional intensity and repetition, our nervoussystemsexperiencesomethingasreal,evenifithasn'toccurredyet.Everygreatachiever I've ever interviewed has had the ability to get themselves to feelcertain they could succeed, even though no one before them had everaccomplished it. They've been able to create references where no referencesexistedandachievewhatseemedtobeimpossible.Anyonewhousesacomputerislikelytorecognizethename"Microsoft."What

mostpeopledon'trealizeisthatBillGates,theco-founderofthatcompany,wasnot just somegeniuswhogot lucky,but apersonwhoputhimselfon the linewithnoreferencestobackuphisbelief.WhenhefoundoutthatanAlbuquerquecompanywas developing something called a "personal computer" that neededBASICsoftware,hecalledthemupandpromisedtodeliverit,eventhoughhehadnosuchthingatthetime.Oncehehadcommittedhimself,hehadtofindaway.Hisabilitytocreateasenseofcertaintywashisrealgenius.Manypeoplewerejustasintelligentashewas,butheusedhiscertaintytobeabletotapintohisresources,andwithinafewweeksheandapartnerhadwrittena languagethatmade the personal computer a reality.By putting himself on the line andfinding away.BillGates set inmotion that day a series of events thatwouldchangethewaypeopledobusiness,andbecameabillionairebythetimehewasthirtyyearsold.Certaintycarriespower!Doyouknowthestoryofthefour-minutemile?Forthousandsofyears,peopleheldthebelief that itwasimpossibleforahumanbeingtorunthemileinlessthan four minutes. But in 1954, Roger Bannister broke this imposing beliefbarrier. He got himself to achieve the "impossible" not merely by physicalpracticebutbyconstantlyrehearsingtheeventinhismind,breakingthroughthefour-minute barrier so many times with so much emotional intensity that hecreatedvivid references thatbecameanunquestionedcommand tohisnervoussystemtoproducetheresult.Manypeopledon'trealize,though,thatthegreatestaspect of his breakthrough was what it did for others. It had seemed no onewouldeverbeabletobreakafour-minutemile,yetwithinoneyearofRoger'sbreaking the barrier, 37 other runners also broke it. His experience providedthemwithreferencesstrongenoughtocreateasenseofcertaintythatthey,too,could "do the impossible." And the year after that, 300 other runners did thesamething!"Thebeliefthatbecomestruthforme...isthatwhichallowsmethebestuse

ofmystrength,thebestmeansofputtingmyvirtuesintoaction."ANDREGIDEPeoplesooftendeveloplimitingbeliefsaboutwhotheyareandwhatthey're

capableof.Becausetheyhaven'tsucceededinthepast,theybelievetheywon'tbeabletosucceedinthefuture.Asaresult,outoftheirfearofpain,theybegintoconstantlyfocusonbeing"realistic."Mostpeoplewhoconstantlysay,"Let'sbe realistic," are really just living in fear, deathly afraidofbeingdisappointedagain.Outof that fear, theydevelopbeliefs thatcause them tohesitate, tonotgivetheirall—consequentlytheygetlimitedresults.Greatleadersarerarely"realistic."Theyareintelligent,

andtheyareaccurate,buttheyarenotrealisticbyotherpeople'sstandards.Whatis realistic foroneperson, though, is totallydifferent fromwhat is realistic foranother person, based upon their references. Gandhi believed he could gainautonomy for India without violently opposing Great Britain—something thathadneverbeendonebefore.Hewasn'tbeingrealistic,buthecertainlyprovedtobeaccurate.Bythesametoken,itcertainlywasn'trealisticforamantobelievehecouldgivetheworldhappinessbybuildingathemeparkinthemiddleofanorangegroveandchargingpeoplenotonlyfortherides,buteventogetin!Atthe time, therewasnosuchpark in theworld.YetWaltDisneyhadasenseofcertaintylikefewpeoplewhohaveeverlived,andhisoptimismtransformedhiscircumstances.Ifyou'regoing tomakeanerror in life,erron thesideofoverestimatingyourcapabilities (obviously, as long as it doesn't jeopardize your life).By theway,thisissomethingthat'shardtodo,sincethehumancapacityissomuchgreaterthanmost of uswould ever dream. In factmany studies have focused on thedifferences between people who are depressed and people who are extremelyoptimistic.Afterattemptingtolearnanewskill,thepessimistsarealwaysmoreaccurate about how they did, while the optimists see their behavior as beingmoreeffective than itactuallywas.Yet thisunrealisticevaluationof theirownperformance is the secret of their future success. Invariably the optimistseventuallyendupmasteringtheskillwhilethepessimistsfail.Why?Optimistsare those,who,despitehavingnoreferencesforsuccess,orevenreferencesoffailure,managetoignorethosereferences, leavingunassembledsuchcognitivetabletops as "I failed" or "I can't succeed." Instead, optimists produce faithreferences, summoning forth their imagination to picture themselves doingsomething different next time and succeeding. It is this special ability, thisunique focus, which allows them to persist until eventually they gain thedistinctionsthatputthemoverthetop.Thereasonsuccesseludesmostpeopleisthattheyhaveinsufficientreferencesofsucceedinginthepast.Butanoptimistoperates with beliefs such as, "The past doesn't equal the future." All greatleaders, all people who have achieved success in any area of life, know thepower of continuously, pursuing their vision, even if all the details of how toachieveitaren'tyet;available.Ifyoudeveloptheabsolutesenseofcertaintythatpowerful beliefs provide, then you can get yourself to accomplish virtuallyanything,includingthosethingsthatotherpeoplearecertainareimpossible."Onlyinmen'simaginationdoeseverytruthfindaneffectiveandundeniable

existence.Imagination,notinvention,isthesuprememasterofart,asoflife."JOSEPHCONRAD

One of the biggest challenges in anyone's life is knowing how to interpret"failures."Howwedealwithlife's"defeats"andwhatwedetermineisthecausewillshapeourdestinies.Weneedtorememberthathowwedealwithadversityandchallengeswillshapeourlivesmorethanalmostanythingelse.Sometimeswegetsomanyreferencesofpainandfailure thatwebegin toassemble thoseintoabelief thatnothingwedocanmake thingsbetter.Somepeoplebegin tofeelthatthingsarepointless,thatthey'rehelplessorworthless,orthatnomatterwhat theytrythey'll loseanyway.Theseareasetofbeliefs thatmustneverbeindulgedinifweeverexpecttosucceedandachieveinourlives.Thesebeliefsstripusofourpersonalpoweranddestroyourabilitytoact.Inpsychology,thereis a name for this destructive mindset: learned helplessness. When peopleexperienceenoughfailureatsomething—andyou'dbesurprisedhowfewtimesthis is for some people—they perceive their efforts as futile and develop theterminaldiscouragementoflearnedhelplessness.Dr. Martin Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania has done intensiveresearchonwhatcreateslearnedhelplessness.InhisbookLearnedOptimismhereportsonthreespecificpatternsofbeliefsthatcauseustofeelhelplessandcandestroy virtually every aspect of our lives. He calls these three categoriespermanence, pervasiveness, and personal. Many of our country's greatestachievers have succeeded in spite of running into hugeproblems andbarriers.The difference between them and those who give up revolves around theirbeliefs about the permanence, or lack thereof, of their problems. Achieversrarely, if ever, see a problemas permanent,while thosewho fail see even thesmallestproblemsaspermanent.Onceyouadopt thebelief that there'snothingyoucando tochangesomething, simplybecausenothingyou'vedoneupuntilnowhaschangedit,youstarttotakeaperniciouspoisonintoyoursystem.Eightyears ago, when I had hit rock bottom and despaired of ever turning thingsaround, I thoughtmyproblemswerepermanent.Thatwas the closest thing toemotionaldeathI'veeverexperienced.IlearnedtolinksomuchpaintoholdingthatbeliefthatIwasabletodestroyit,andI'veneverindulgedinitagain.Youmustdothesame.Ifyoueverhearyourselforanyoneyoucareaboutstartingtoexpress the belief that a problem is permanent, it's time to immediately shakethatpersonloose.Nomatterwhathappensinyourlife,you'vegottobeabletobelieve,"This,too,shallpass,"andthatifyoukeeppersisting,you'llfindaway.Theseconddifferencebetweenwinnersand losers, thosewhoareoptimistic

and those who are pessimistic, is their beliefs about the pervasiveness ofproblems.Anachieverneverseesaproblemasbeingpervasive,thatis,thatoneproblemcontrols theirwhole life.Theyalwayssee itas,"Well, it's justa little

challenge with my eating pattern." They don't see it as, "I'm the problem.Because I overeat, my whole life is destroyed." Conversely, those who arepessimistic—thosewhohavelearnedhelplessness—havedevelopedabeliefthatbecause they screwed up in one area, they are a screw-up! They believe thatbecausetheyhavefinancialchallenges, theirwholelife isnowdestroyed: theirkidswon'tbetakencareof,theirspouseswillleavethem,andsoon.Prettysoonthey generalize that things are out of control and feel completely helpless.Imagine the impactofpermanenceandpervasiveness together!Thesolution tobothpermanenceandpervasivenessistoseesomethingyoucantakecontrolofinyourlife,andbegintotakeactioninthatdirection.Asyoudothis,someofthese limiting beliefs will disappear. The final category of belief, whichSeligmancallspersonal,Irefertoastheproblembeingpersonal.Ifwedon'tseea failure as a challenge tomodify our approach, but rather as a problemwithourselves,asapersonalitydefect,wewillimmediatelyfeeloverwhelmed.Afterall, how do you change your entire life? Isn't that more difficult than justchangingyouractionsinaparticulararea?Bewaryofadoptingthebeliefoftheproblembeingpersonal.Howinspiredcanyougetbybeatingyourselfup?Holdingtheselimitingbeliefsisequivalenttosystematicallyingestingminute

doses of arsenic that, over time, build up to a fatal dose.Whilewe don't dieimmediately,westartdyingemotionallythemomentwepartakeofthem.Sowehave to avoid themat all costs.Remember, as longasyoubelieve something,yourbrainoperatesonautomaticpilot,filteringanyinputfromtheenvironmentandsearchingforreferencestovalidateyourbelief,regardlessofwhatitis."It is themindthatmakethgoodof ill, thatmakethwretchorhappy,richor

poor."EDMUNDSPENSER

HOWTOCHANGEABELIEF

All personal breakthroughs begin with a change in beliefs. So how do wechange?Themosteffectivewayistogetyourbraintoassociatemassivepaintotheoldbelief.Youmustfeeldeepinyourgutthatnotonlyhasthisbeliefcostyoupaininthepast,butit'scostingyouinthepresentand,ultimately,canonlybringyoupaininthefuture.Thenyoumustassociatetremendouspleasuretotheideaof adoptinganew,empoweringbelief.This is thebasicpattern thatwe'llreviewagainandagainincreatingchangeinourlives.Remember,wecanneverforgetthateverythingwedo,wedoeitheroutofourneedtoavoidpainorourdesire to gain pleasure, and if we associate enough pain to anything, we'llchange.Theonlyreasonwehaveabeliefaboutsomethingisthatwe'velinkedmassivepaintonotbelievingitormassivepleasuretokeepingitalive.Secondly,createdoubt.Ifyou'rereallyhonestwithyourself,aren'ttheresome

beliefs that you used to defend heart and soul years ago that you'd be almostembarrassed to admit to today? What happened? Something caused you todoubt:maybe a new experience,maybe a counterexample to your past belief.Perhapsyoumet someRussians and foundout that theywerepeople just likeyou,notpartof some"evilempire." I think thatmanyAmericans today feelagenuinecompassionforSovietcitizensbecausetheyseethemaspeoplewhoarestruggling to take care of their families. Part ofwhat changedour perceptionswasexchangeprogramsinwhichweactuallymetRussiansandsawhowmuchthey share in common with us.We got new experiences which caused us toquestion,interruptedourpatternsofcertainty,andbegantoshakeourreferencelegs.However,newexperienceinandofitselfdoesn'tguaranteeachangeinbelief.

People can have an experience that runs directly counter to their belief, yetreinterpret it any way they want in order to bolster their conviction. SaddamHussein demonstrated this during the Persian GulfWar, insisting that he waswinning despite the destruction that surrounded him. On a personal level, awomanatoneofmyseminarsstartedtoexperiencesomeratheruniquementalandemotionalstates,claimingthatIwasaNaziandwaspoisoningthepeopleinthe roomwith invisiblegases flowing through theair conditioningvents.As Itriedtocalmherdownbyslowingmyspeechpatterns—astandardapproachincausingsomeonetorelax—shepointedout,"See, it'salreadybeginningtosluryourspeech!"Nomatterwhathappened,shemanagedtouse it tobackupherconvictionthatwewereallbeingpoisoned.EventuallyIwasabletobreakher

pattern. How do you do that?We'll talk about that in the next chapter. Newexperiences trigger change only if they cause us to question our beliefs.Remember, whenever we believe something, we no longer question it in anyway.Themomentwebegintohonestlyquestionourbeliefs,wenolongerfeelabsolutelycertainabout them.Wearebeginning toshake thereference legsofourcognitivetables,andasaresultstarttoloseourfeelingofabsolutecertainty.Haveyoueverdoubtedyourability todosomething?Howdidyoudoit?Youprobablyaskedyourselfsomepoorquestionslike"WhatifIscrewup?""Whatifitdoesn'tworkout?""Whatiftheydon'tlikeme?"Butquestionscanobviouslybetremendouslyempoweringifweusethemtoexaminethevalidityofbeliefswemayhavejustblindlyaccepted.Infact,manyofourbeliefsaresupportedbyinformationwe'vereceivedfromothersthatwefailedtoquestionatthetime.Ifwe scrutinize them, we may find that what we've unconsciously believed foryearsmaybebasedonafalsesetofpresuppositions.Ifyouusea typewriterorcomputer, I'msureyou'llappreciate thisexample.

Whydoyouthinkthetraditionalarrangementofletters,numbers,andsymbolson99percentofalltypingdevicesisuniversallyacceptedaroundtheworld?(Bytheway,thatarrangementofcharactersisknownasQWERTY.Ifyoutype,youknow that these are the characters on the top left row of your keyboard.)Obviously this arrangementwas devised as themost efficient configuration tobolster typingspeed, right?Mostpeopleneverquestion it;afterall,QWERTYhas existed for 120 years.But in fact,QWERTY is about themost inefficientconfigurationyoucanimagine!Manyprogramssuchas theDvorakSimplifiedKeyboardhavebeenproventocuterrorsandincreasespeedradically.Thetruthis,QWERTYwasdeliberatelydesignedtoslowdownthehumantypistatatimewhentypewriterpansmovedsoslowlythattheywouldjamiftheoperatortypedtoofast.WhyhaveweclungtotheQWERTYkeyboardfor120years?In1882,when

almost everyone typed with the hunt-and-peck method, a woman who haddevelopedtheeight-fingertypingmethodwaschallengedtoatypingcontestbyanotherteacher.Torepresenther,shehiredaprofessionaltypist,amanwhohadmemorized theQWERTYkeyboard.With the advantage ofmemorization andtheeight-fingermethod,hewasabletobeathiscompetitor,whousedthefour-finger hunt-and-peck method on a different keyboard. So from then on,QWERTY became the standard for "speed," and no one even questioned thereferenceanymoretoseehowvaliditwas.Howmanyotherbeliefsdoyouhaveindaily lifeaboutwhoyouare,orwhatyoucanorcannotdo,orhowpeopleshouldact,orwhatcapabilitiesyourkidshavethatyou'refailingtoquestionalso

—disempoweringbeliefsyou'vebeguntoacceptthatlimityourlife,andyou'renotevenawareofit?If you question anything enough, eventually you'll begin to doubt it. This

includes things that you absolutely believe "beyond the shadow of a doubt."Yearsago, Ihad theuniqueopportunityofworkingwith theU.S.Army,withwhom I negotiated a contract to reduce certain training times for specializedareas.MyworkwassosuccessfulthatIalsowentthroughtop-secretclearanceand had a chance tomodel one of the top officials in the CIA, amanwho'dworkedhiswayupfromthebottomoftheorganization.Letmetellyouthattheskills that he andothers likehimhavedeveloped for shaking another person'sconvictionsandchangingtheirbeliefsareabsolutelyastounding.Theycreateanenvironmentthatcausespeopletodoubtwhatthey'vealwaysbelieved,andthengive them new ideas and experiences to support the adoption of new beliefs.Watchingthespeedatwhichtheycanchangesomeone'sbelief isalmostscary,yetit'spowerfullyfascinating.I'velearnedtousethesetechniquesonmyselftobe able to eliminate my disempowering beliefs and replace them withempoweringones.Our beliefs have different levels of emotional certainty and intensity, and it'simportanttoknowjusthowintensetheyreallyare.Infact,I'veclassifiedbeliefsintothreecategories:opinions,beliefs,andconvictions.Anopinionissomethingwe feel relatively certain about, but the certainty is only temporary because itcanbechangedeasily.Ourcognitivetabletopissupportedbywobbly,unverifiedreference legs that may be based on impressions. For example, many peopleoriginallyperceivedGeorgeBushasa"wimp,"basedsolelyonhistoneofvoice.Butwhen theysawhowhewasable togalvanizesupport fromleadersaroundtheworldandeffectivelydealwithSaddamHussein'sinvasionofKuwait,therewasaclearshift in thepublicopinionpolls.Bushsoared tooneof thehighestlevelsofpublicpopularityofanypresident inmodemhistory.Butby the timeyou read this paragraph, this cultural opinionmay have changed. Such is thenature of opinions: they are easily swayed, and usually based on only a fewreferences that a person has focused on in themoment.A belief, on the otherhand,isformedwhenwebegintodevelopamuchlargerbaseofreferencelegs,and especially reference legs about which we have strong emotion. Thesereferencesgiveusanabsolutesenseofcertaintyaboutsomething.Andagain,asI'vesaidbefore,thesereferencescancomeinavarietyofforms:anythingfromourpersonalexperiencestoinformationthatwe'vetakeninfromothersources,oreventhingswe'veimaginedvividly.Peoplewith beliefs have such a strong level of certainty that they are often

closedofftonewinput.Butifyouhaverapportincommunicatingwiththem,it'spossible to interrupt theirpatternofclosingoff,andget themtoquestion theirreferences so theybegin to allow for new input.This creates enoughdoubt todestabilize old references and make room for a new belief. A conviction,however,eclipsesabelief,primarilybecauseoftheemotionalintensityapersonlinks to an idea.Apersonholding a convictiondoesnotonly feel certain, butgetsangryiftheirconvictionisevenquestioned.Apersonwithaconvictionisunwillingtoeverquestiontheirreferences,evenforamoment; theyaretotallyresistant to new input, often to the point of obsession. For example, zealotsthrough the ages have held the conviction that their view of God is the onlycorrectone,andtheywillevenkilltomaintainthosebeliefs.Theconvictionoftrue believers has also been exploited by would-be saviors cloaking theirmurderousintentunderholyguises;it'swhatcausedthatgroupofpeoplelivingin Guyana to poison their own children, and then themselves, by drinkingcyanide-lacedKool-AidatthedirectionofthemessianicmadmanJimJones.Of course, fervent conviction is not the exclusive property of fanatics. It

belongstoanyonewithahighenoughdegreeofcommitmentanddedicationtoanidea,principle,orcause.Forexample,someonewhodisagreesstronglywiththepracticeofundergroundnucleartestinghasabelief,butsomeonewhotakesan action—even an action others do not appreciate or approve, such asdemonstratinginaprotestmarchatthefacility,hasaconviction.Someonewhobewails the state of public education has a belief, but someone who actuallyvolunteers in a literacy program to try tomake a difference has a conviction.Someonewhofantasizesaboutowninganicehockeyteamhasanopinionabouttheir desire, but someonewho does whatever it takes to gather the necessaryresourcestobuyafranchisehasaconviction.What'sthedifference?Clearly,it'sintheactionsthatoneiswillingtotake.Infact,someonewitha

conviction is so passionate about their belief that they're even willing to riskrejectionormakeafoolofthemselvesforthesakeoftheirconviction.Probablythesinglebiggestfactorseparatingbeliefandconviction,though,is

that a conviction has usually been triggered by significant emotional events,duringwhichthebrainlinksup,"UnlessIbelievethis,Iwillsuffermassivepain.If I were to change this belief, then I would be giving upmy entire identity,everything my life has stood for, for years." Holding the conviction thusbecomes crucial to the person's very survival. This can be dangerous becauseanytime we're not willing to even look at or consider the possibility that ourbeliefs are inaccurate, we trap ourselves in rigidity which could ultimatelycondemnustolong-termfailure.Sometimesitmaybemoreappropriatetohave

abeliefaboutsomethingratherthanaconviction.Onthepositiveside,convictions—bythepassiontheyinspire inus—canbe

empoweringbecausetheycompelustoact.AccordingtoDr.RobertP.Abelson,professorofpsychologyandpoliticalscienceatYaleUniversity,"Beliefsarelikepossessions,andconvictionsaresimplymorevaluedpossessionswhichallowanindividual to passionately work toward either large-scale or individualcompletionofgoals,projects,wishes,anddesires."Oftenthebestthingyoucandotocreatemasteryinanyareaofyourlifeisto

raiseabelieftothelevelofconviction.Remember,convictionhasthepowertodriveyou toaction, topushyou throughallkindsofobstacles.Beliefscandothis as well, but some areas of your life may require the added emotionalintensityofconviction.Forexample,theconvictiontoneverletyourselfbecomeoverweight will compel you to make consistently healthy lifestyle choices,allowingyou togetmoreenjoymentoutofyour life,andperhapsevensavingyoufromaheartattack.Theconviction thatyouarean intelligentpersonwhocanalwaysfindawaytoturnthingsaroundcanhelpsteeryouthroughsomeofthetoughesttimesinyourlife.So how can you create a conviction? 1) Start with the basic belief. 2)

Reinforce your belief by adding new and more powerful references. Forexample, let's say you've decided never to eatmeat again. To strengthen yourresolve, talk to people who've chosen a vegetarian or vegan lifestyle: whatreasons prompted them to change their diet, and what have been theconsequencesontheirhealthandinotherareasoftheirlives?Inaddition,begintostudy thephysiological impact thatanimalproteinhas.Themorereferencesyou develop, and the more emotional the references are, the stronger yourconvictionwill become. 3)Then find a triggering event, or else create one ofyourown.Associateyourselffullybyasking,"WhatwillitcostmeifIdon't?"Askquestionsthatcreateemotionalintensityforyou.Forexample,ifyouwanttodevelopaconvictionnevertoabusedrugs,makethepainfulconsequencesofdrugabusefeelreal toyoubyviewingfilmsor,betteryet,visitingashelter toseefirsthandthedevastationwroughtbydrugabuse.Ifyou'vevowedtogiveupsmoking, visit the intensive-care wing of a hospital to observe emphysemapatientsconfined tooxygen tents,orviewanX-rayofasmoker'sblack lungs.These kinds of experiences have the power to push you over the edge andestablish true conviction. 4) Finally, take action. Each action you takestrengthens your commitment and raises the level of your emotional intensityandconviction.

One of the challenges with convictions is that they're often based on otherpeople'senthusiasmforyourbeliefs.Sooftenpeoplebelievesomethingbecauseeverybody else believes it. This is known in psychology as social proof. Butsocialproofisnotalwaysaccurate.Whenpeoplearenotsurewhat todo, theylooktoothersforguidance.InDr.RobertCialdini'sbookInfluence,hedescribesaclassicexperimentinwhichsomeoneyells"Rape!"forasubject'sbenefitwhiletwo people (psychological plants) ignore the cries for help and keepwalking.The subjectdoesn'tknowwhether to respond to thepleasornot,butwhenheseestheothertwopeopleactasifnothingiswrong,hedecidesthatthecriesforhelpareinsignificantandtoignorethemalso.Using social proof is a great way to limit your life—to make it just like

everybody else's. Some of the strongest social proof that people use isinformation that they get from "experts." But are experts always right? Thinkaboutourhealersthroughouttheyears.Itwasn'tthatlongagothatthemostup-to-datedoctorsbelievedabsolutelyinthecurativepropertiesofleeches!Andinour own generation, doctors gave pregnant women a soothing-soundingmedication for morning sickness—Bendectin, which sounds like"benediction"—whichturnedout tobe linked tobirthdefects.Ofcourse, thesedoctorswereprescribingthisdrugbecausethedrugcompanies—pharmaceuticalexperts—gavethemcertaintythatthiswasthefinestdrugavailable.What'sthelesson? Trusting experts blindly is not well-advised. Don't blindly accepteverythingIsay,either!Considerthingsinthecontextofyourownlife;doesitmake sense for you? Sometimes even the evidence of your senses can't betrusted,asthestoryofCopernicusillustrates.InthedaysofthisseminalPolishastronomer,everyoneknewthatthesunmovedaroundtheearth.Why?Becauseanyonecouldwalkoutside,pointtotheskyandsay,"See?Thesunhasmovedacross the sky.Obviously the earth is the centerof theuniverse."But in1543Copernicus developed the first accuratemodel of our sun-based solar system.He, like other giants through the ages, had the courage to challenge the"wisdom" of the experts, and eventually the truth of his theories gainedacceptanceinthegeneralpopulace,althoughnotduringhislifetime.PAINISTHEULTIMATETOOLFOR

SHIFTINGABELIEFAgain, pain is still the most powerful way to change a belief. A great

illustrationofthepowerofchangedbeliefsoccurredontheSallyJessyRaphaelshow when a brave woman stood before a studio and world audience torenounce her alliancewith theKuKluxKlan. Ironically, she had been on thesameshowonlyamonthbefore,participatinginapanelofKKKwomenrailing

against allwho didn't share their convictions about race, angrily shouting thatracialmixing—educationally,economically,orsocially—wouldbethedownfallof the country and its people. What made her beliefs change so drastically?Threethings:First,ayoungwomanintheaudienceduringtheoriginalshowhadstood up, crying, and pleaded for understanding.Her husband and childwereHispanic,andshesobbedthatshecouldn'tbelieveagroupofpeoplecouldbesohateful.Second, flyinghome, sheyelledather son (whohadappearedwithher,yet

didn'tshareherviews)for"embarrassing"heronnationaltelevision.Therestofthewomen chastised him for being disrespectful, and quoted to him from theBible: "Thou shalt honor thy mother and father." Her sixteen-year-old sonrespondedbysayingthatGodcertainlydidn'tintendforhimtorespecttheevilshewasespousing,andheimmediatelygotofftheplaneinDallas,vowingnevertocomehomeagain.Asthewomancontinuedherflighthome,hermindracedovertheday'sevents,andalsobegantothinkaboutthewarthathercountrywasfighting in the Middle East. She remembered what another member of theaudience had said to her that day: "Youngmen andwomen of color are overtherefightingnotonlyforthemselves,butalsoforyou."Shethoughtaboutherson,howmuchshelovedhim,andhowspitefulshehadbeenwithhim.Wouldsheallow thatbriefexchangeofwords tobe their last?Even the thoughtof itwastoopainfulforhertobear.Shehadtomakeachangeimmediately.Asaresultof thisexperience,shetoldtheaudience,shereceivedamessage

fromGodwhichsheheededimmediately:toquittheKlanandtobegintoloveallpeopleequally,asherbrothersandsisters.Certainlyshewillmissherfriends—she'llbeostracizedbythegroup—butshesaysthathersoulisnowcleansedandthatshewillbeginherlifeanewwithaclearconscience.It'svitaltoexamineour beliefs, and their consequences, tomake sure that they're empowering us.Howdoyouknowwhatbeliefstoadopt?Theansweristofindsomeonewho'sproducing the results you truly want in your life. These people are the rolemodelswhocangiveyousomeoftheanswersyouseek.Invariably,behindallsuccessfulpeopleliesaspecificsetofempoweringbeliefs.Theway to expand our lives is tomodel the lives of those peoplewho are

already succeeding. It's powerful, it's fun, and these people are available allaroundyou.It'sjustamatterofaskingquestions:"Whatdoyoubelievemakesyou different?What are the beliefs you have that separate you from others?"YearsagoIreadabookcalledMeetingswithRemarkabkMen,andusedthatasa theme to shape my life. Since then I've become a hunter of excellence,constantly seeking out the leadingmen andwomen in our culture to discover

their beliefs, values, and strategies for achieving success. Two years ago IdevelopedPOWERTALK™mymonthly audiomagazine inwhich I interviewthesegiants. In fact,manyof thekeydistinctions I'm sharingwithyou in thisbookweremadeasaresultofinterviewswithsomeofthesepeoplewhoarethefinest in their particular areas of endeavor. By having a commitment to sharethese interviews,mynewest thoughts,andasummaryofanationalbestsellingbook with you each month, I've developed a consistent plan not only forempowering other people but for constantly improvingmyself as well. I'll behappytohelpyouinyourmodelingofsuccessfulpeoplethroughmyprogram,but remember: you're not limited to me. The models that you need aresurroundingyoueverysingleday.*"Wearewhatwethink.

AllthatwearearisesWithourthoughts.Withourthoughts,Wemakeourworld."BUDDHAFor almost a decade now I've talked to people in my Living Health™

seminars about the direct correlation between the high percentage of animalprotein in the typicalAmericandietand thehigh incidenceof thisnation's toptwo killers: heart disease and cancer. By doing this, I contradicted one of thebelief systems that hasmost significantly shaped our physical destiny for thepast thirty five years: the "Four Basic Food Groups" plan that recommendsgenerousdailyservingsofmeat,chicken,orfish.Yettoday,scientistshavenowestablishedbeyond the shadowof adoubt adirect relationshipbetweeneatinganimalproteinandbeingatriskofdevelopingheartdiseaseandcancer.Infact,the 3,000-member Physicians Committee for ResponsibleMedicine has askedthe Department of Agriculture to drop meat, fish, poultry, eggs, and milkproductsfromtherecommendeddailyallowances.Andthegovernmentitselfisconsideringchangingthefourbasicfoodgroupstosix,relegatingmeat,chicken,andfishtojustatinyproportionofthewhole.Thismassiveshiftinbeliefshascaused outrage in many quarters. I believe this follows a pattern that we seethroughouthistoryandthroughoutourculture,andthatissimplythis:As the German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer stated, all truth goes

throughthreesteps.First,itisridiculed.Second,itisviolentlyopposed.Finally,itisacceptedasself-evident.

These ideas about animal protein used to be ridiculed; now they're beingviolently opposed. Eventually they'll be accepted—but not until a lot morepeople become sick or even die because of their limiting beliefs about howimportantexcessiveamountsofanimalproteinisfortheirbodies.Inbusiness,too,wehaveasetoffalsebeliefsthatareleadingusdownaroad

of economic frustration, and some say potential disaster. Our economy faceschallengesinvirtuallyeverysector.Why?IfoundoneclueinanarticleIreadintheMarch1991Forbesmagazine.Thisarticledescribestwocars—theChrysler-PlymouthLaser and theMitsubishiEclipse—andnotes thatChrysler averagedonly thirteen sales per dealership of their car whileMitsubishi averaged over100!Youmaysay,"Whatelseisnew?TheJapanesearebeatingthepantsofftheAmericancompaniesinsellingcars."Buttheuniquethingaboutthesetwocarsis that they're exactly the same—theywere built in partnership between thesetwo companies. The only difference between the Laser and the Eclipse is thename and the company who's selling it. How can this be? As youmay haveguessed,researchinvestigatingthecauseofthediscrepancyinsaleshasshownthatpeoplewant tobuyJapanesecarsbecause theybelieve theyareofgreaterquality. The problem in this case is that it's a false belief. The Americancompany'scarisofthesamequalitybecauseit'stheverysamecar.Whywouldconsumersbelievethis?Obviously,it'sbecausetheJapanesehave

createdareputationforquality,providinguswithnumerousreferencestobackitup—eventothepointwherewenolongerquestionitsvalidity.ItmaysurpriseyouthattheJapanesecommitmenttoincreasingqualityisactuallytheresultofan American export in the person of Dr. W. Edwards Deming. In 1950 thisrenowned quality-control expertwas brought to Japan byGeneralMacArthur,who was frustrated with a war-ravaged Japanese industrial base where hecouldn'tevencountonbeingabletocompleteaphonecall.AttherequestoftheJapaneseUnionofScientistsandEngineers,DemingbegantotraintheJapaneseinhis totalquality-controlprinciples.Whenyouhear this,doyou immediatelythinkitreferstomonitoringthequalityofaphysicalproduct?Nothingcouldbefurther from the truth. Deming taught the Japanese fourteen principles and abasiccorebelief that is the foundationofvirtuallyalldecisionsmade ineverysuccessful,major,multinationalJapanesecorporationtothisday.The core belief, simply, is this: a constant, never-ending commitment to

consistently increase thequalityof their business every singledaywouldgivethem the power to dominate the markets of the world. Doming taught thatquality was not just a matter of meeting a certain standard, but rather was aliving, breathing process of never-ending improvement. If the Japanesewould

liveby theprinciples thathe taught,hepromised them,within fiveyears theywouldfloodtheworldwithqualityproductsandwithinadecadeortwobecomeoneoftheworld'sdominanteconomicpowers.ManythoughtDeming'sproclamationswerecrazy.ButtheJapanesetookhim

athisword,andtodayheisreveredas thefatherof the"Japanesemiracle."Infact,eachyearsince1950,thehighesthonoraJapanesecompanycanreceiveisthe National Deming Prize. This award is given on national television and isusedtoacknowledgethecompanythatrepresentsthehighestlevelofincreasesin quality of products, service, management, and worker support throughoutJapan.In 1983 Ford Motor Company hired Dr. Deming to conduct a series of

management seminars.Oneof the attendeeswasDonaldPetersen,whowouldlater become chairman of Ford and put Deming's principles into practicethroughout the company. Petersen decided, "We need this man to turn ourcompanyaround."Atthetime.Fordwaslosingbillionsofdollarsayear.OnceDemingwasbroughtin,hechangedtheirtraditionalWesternbelieffrom,"Howcanwe increase our volume and cut our costs?" to "Howcanwe increase thequalityofwhatwe'redoing,anddoitinsuchawaythatqualitywouldnotcostmoreinthelongterm?"Fordreorganizeditsentirefocustomakequalitythetoppriority (as reflected in their advertising slogan, "Quality is Job I"), and byimplementing Deming's systems. Ford within three years moved from astaggeringdeficittothedominantindustrypositionwitha$6billionprofit!How did they do it? They found that Americans' perception of Japanese

quality,whilefrustrating,hadmuchtoteachthem.Forexample,FordcontractedwithaJapanesecompanytomakehalfthetransmissionsforoneoftheircarsinorder to keep the volume up. In the process, they found that AmericanconsumersweredemandingtheJapanesetransmission.Infact,theywerewillingtoput theirnamesonawaiting list,andevenpaymoremoneyfor them!Thisupsetmanyof the executive staff atFord,whose first reactionwas, "Well, it'smerelyafalsebeliefonthepartofpeopleinourculture;they'reconditionedtorespond this way." But under Deming's supervision the transmissions weretested,andtheyfoundthatinfacttheFordtransmissionwasmuchlouder,brokedown much more often, and was returned more often than the Japanesetransmission, which had virtually no trouble, no vibration, and no sound.DemingtaughtthemembersoftheFordteamthatqualityalwayscostsless.Thiswas directly the opposite of what most people believed: that you could onlyachievecertainlevelsofqualitybeforecostsgotoutofhand.WhentheexpertstooktheFordtransmissionsapartandmeasuredalltheparts,theyfoundthatall

ofthemmetthestandardssetforthintheFordmanual,thesamestandardsthathad been sent to the Japanese. But when they measured the Japanesetransmissions, they found virtually no measurable differences among any ofthem!Infact,thetransmissionshadtobebroughtintoalaboratoryandmeasuredunderamicroscopeinordertodetectdifferences.Why did this Japanese company hold themselves to a higher standard of

quality thaneventheircontract required?Theybelievedthatqualitycosts less,thatiftheycreatedaqualityproducttheywouldnotjusthavesatisfiedcustomersbut loyal customers—customerswhowouldbewilling towait in line andpaymoremoney for theirproduct.Theywereoperating from the samecorebeliefthat propelled them to one of the top market positions in the world: acommitmenttonever-endingimprovementandaconstantincreaseinthequalityof life for theircustomers.ThisbeliefwasanAmericanexport—one Ibelieveweneedtorepatriateinordertochangethedirectionofoureconomicfuture.Onetoxicbeliefthatmaybedestroyingoureconomicstrengthasanationis

whatDemingcallsmanagingbythevisiblenumbers,theconventionalcorporatebeliefthatprofitsaremadebycuttingcostsandincreasingrevenues.Anotableexample occurred when Lynn Townsend took charge of Chrysler during anindustry-widesalesslump.Townsendimmediatelytriedtoincreaserevenues,butmore importantly, he cut costs. How? He fired two-thirds of the engineeringstaff.Intheshortterm,itlookedlikehe'dmadetherightdecision.Profitabilityshotup,andhewasdubbedahero.ButwithinafewyearsChryslerwasagaininfinancialstraits.Whathappened?Well,therecertainlywasn'tanyonefactor.Butin the long term, thedecisionsTownsendmademayhavebeendestroying thebasis of quality upon which the company's success depended. Often the verypeople who are injuring our companies are rewarded because they produceresultsintheshortterm.Sometimeswetreatthesymptomsofaproblemwhilewe nurture the cause. We've got to be careful how we interpret results. Bycontrast, one of the most important factors in turning Ford Motor Companyaroundwas their design staff,whocameupwith anewcar called theTaurus.ThequalityofthatcarsetanewstandardforFord,andconsumersboughtitindroves.Whatcanwelearnfromallthis?Thebeliefsthatweholdinbusinessandin

life control all of our decisions, and therefore our future. One of the mostimportant global beliefs that you and I can adopt is a belief that in order tosucceedandbehappy,we'vegot tobeconstantly improving thequalityofourlives,constantlygrowingandexpanding.

InJapan,theyunderstandthisprinciplewell.Infact,inJapanesebusinesses,as a result of Deming's influence, there is a word that is used constantly indiscussions about business or relationships. That word is kaizen. This wordliterallymeansconstant improvement,and theword isconstantlyused in theirlanguage.Theyoftenspeakofthekaizenoftheirtradedeficit,thekaizenoftheproduction line, the kaizen of their personal relationships. As a result, they'reconstantly looking at how to improve. By the way, kaizen is based upon theprinciple of gradual improvement, simple improvements. But the Japaneseunderstand that tiny refinements made daily begin to create compoundedenhancementsata level thatmostpeoplewouldneverdreamof.TheJapanesehaveasaying:"Ifamanhasnotbeenseenforthreedays,hisfriendsshouldtakeagood lookathim,andseewhatchangeshavebefallenhim."Amazingly,butnotsurprisingly,wehavenoequivalentwordforkaizeninEnglish.ThemoreIbegantoseetheimpactofkaizenintheJapanesebusinessculture,

Irealizedthatitwasanorganizingprinciplethatmadeatremendousimpactinmyownlife.Myowncommitmenttoconstantlyimprove,toconstantlyraisemyownstandardsforaquality life iswhat'skeptmebothhappyandsuccessful. Irealizedthatweallneedawordtoanchorourselvestothe,focusofConstantandNever-ending Improvement.Whenwe create aword,we encodemeaning andcreateawayofthinking.Thewordsthatweuseconsistentlymakeupthefabricofhowwethinkandevenaffectourdecisionmaking.As a result of this understanding, I created a simple mnemonic: CANI!

(pronounced kuhn-EYE), which stands for Constant And Never-endingImprovement.Ibelievethatthelevelofsuccessweexperienceinlifeisindirectproportion to the level of our commitment to CANI!, to constant and never-endingimprovement.CANI!isnotaprinciplerelatedmerelytobusiness,buttoevery aspect of our lives. In Japan, they often talk of company-wide qualitycontrol. I believe we have to focus on CANI! in our business, CANI! in ourpersonalrelationships,CANI!inourspiritualconnection,CANI!inourhealth,and CANI! in our finances. How can we make constant and never-endingimprovementineachoftheseareas?Thismakeslifeanincredibleadventureinwhichwe'realwayslookingforwardtothenextlevel.CANI! is a true discipline. It can't just be practiced every once in awhile,

whenyou feel like it. Itmustbe a constant commitmentbackedupbyaction.The essence of CANI! is gradual, evenminute, continuous improvement thatoverthelongtermsculptsamasterpieceofcolossalproportions.Ifyou'veevervisited theGrandCanyon,youknowwhat I'm talkingabout.You'vewitnessedtheawe-inspiringbeautyproducedbymillionsofyearsofgradualchangeasthe

ColoradoRiver andnumerous tributarieshavecontinuallychiseled the rock tocreateoneoftheSevenNaturalWondersoftheWorld.Mostpeopleneverfeelsecurebecausetheyarealwaysworriedthattheywill

either lose their job, lose themoney they alreadyhave, lose their spouse, losetheirhealth,andsoon.Theonlytruesecurityinlifecomesfromknowingthatevery single day you are improving yourself in some way, that you areincreasingthecaliberofwhoyouareandthatyouarevaluabletoyourcompany,yourfriends,andyourfamily.Idon'tworryaboutmaintainingthequalityofmylife,becauseeverydayIworkonimprovingit.Iconstantlystrivetolearnandtomake new and more powerful distinctions about ways to add value to otherpeople'slives.ThisgivesmeasenseofcertaintythatIcanalwayslearn,thatIcan always expand, that I can always grow. CANI! doesn't mean you neverexperience challenges. In fact, you canonly improve something if you realizethatit'snotquiteright,thatit'snotyetatthelevelitshouldbe.ThepurposeofCANI! is to discover problems in the making and handle them before theybecomecrises.Afterall,thebesttimetokilla"monster"iswhileit'sstilllittle.AsanintegralpartofmypersonalcommitmenttoCANI!,attheendofeachdayIaskmyselfthesequestions:WhathaveIlearnedtoday?WhatdidIcontributeorimprove?WhatdidIenjoy?Ifeverydayyouconstantlyimproveyourabilityto enjoy your life, then you'll experience it at a level of richnessmost peopleneverevendreamof.SMALLIMPROVEMENTSARE

BELIEVABLEANDTHEREFOREACHIEVABLE!PatRiley,formerlyoftheLosAngelesLakersorganization,isthewinningest

coachinNBAhistory.Somesayhewasfortunatebecausehehadsuchincredibleplayers. It's true that hehad incredibleplayers, butmanypeoplehavehad theresources to succeedandhavenotdone soconsistently.Pat's ability todo thishas been based on his commitment to CANI! In fact, he said that at thebeginningof the1986seasonhehadamajorchallengeonhishands.Manyofthe players hadgivenwhat they thoughtwas their best season in the previousyearbutstillhadlosttotheBostonCeltics.Insearchofabelievableplantogetthe players to move to the next level, he decided upon the theme of smallimprovements. He convinced the players that increasing the quality of theirgame by a mere 1 percent over their personal best would make a majordifference in their season. This seems ridiculously small, but when you thinkabouttwelveplayersincreasingby1percenttheircourtskillsinfiveareas,thecombined effort creates a team that's 60 percent more effective than it was

before.A10percentoveralldifferencewouldprobablybeenoughtowinanotherchampionship. The real value of this philosophy, however, is that everyonebelievedthatitwasachievable.Everyonefeltcertainthattheycouldimproveatleast1percentovertheirpersonalbestsinthefivemajorareasofthegame,andthatsenseofcertainty inpursuitof theirgoalscausedthemto tapevengreaterpotentials.Theresult?Mostofthemincreasedbyatleast5percent,andmanyofthembyasmuchas50percent.According toPatRiley,1987turnedout tobetheireasiestseasonever.CANI!worksifyoucommittoit.Remember,thekeytosuccessisdevelopingasenseofcertainty—thekindof

belief that allows you to expand as a person and take the necessary action tomakeyourlifeandthelivesofthosearoundyouevengreater.Youmaybelievesomethingistruetoday,butyouandIneedtorememberthatastheyearsgobyandwegrow,we'llbeexposedtonewexperiences.Andwemaydevelopevenmoreempoweringbeliefs,abandoningthingsweoncefeltcertainabout.Realizethat your beliefsmay change as you gather additional references.What reallymattersnowiswhetherthebeliefsyouhavetodayempowerordisempoweryou.Begin today to develop the habit of focusing on the consequences of all yourbeliefs.Aretheystrengtheningyourfoundationbymovingyoutoactioninthedirectionyoudesire,oraretheyholdingyouback?"Ashethinkethinhisheart,soishe."

—PROVERBS23:7We'vediscoveredsomuchaboutbeliefs,butinordertotrulytakecontrolof

our lives,we've got to knowwhat beliefswe're already using to guide us. Soright now, stop everything else you're doing and take the next tenminutes tohave some fun. Begin to brainstorm all the beliefs you have, both those thatempoweryouanddisempoweryou:littlebeliefsthatdon'tseemtomatteratallandglobalbeliefsthatseemtomakeabigdifference.Makesureyoucover;• If-thenbeliefs like,"If Iconsistentlygivemyall, thenIwillsucceed,"or"IfI'mtotallypassionatewiththisperson,thenthey'llleaveme• Global beliefs, like beliefs about people—"People are basically good" or"People are a pain"—beliefs about yourself, beliefs about opportunity, beliefsabouttime,beliefsaboutscarcityandabundance.Jotdownasmanyoftheseasyoucanimagineforthenexttenminutes.Pleasegiveyourselfthegiftofdoingthis right now.Whenyou're done, I'll showyouhowyou can strengthenyourempoweringbeliefsandeliminatethedisempoweringones.Doitrightnow.EMPOWERINGBELIEFS:DISEMPOWERINGBELIEFS:

Did you take enough time tomake sure you wrote out both lists, both theempoweringbeliefsanddisempoweringbeliefs?Ifnot,gobackanddoitnow!What have you learned by doing this? Take amoment now to review your

beliefs.Decideuponandcirclethethreemostempoweringbeliefsonyourlist.Howdotheyempoweryou?Howdotheystrengthenyourlife?Thinkaboutthepositiveprocessionaleffects theyhaveuponyou.Yearsago, Imadea list likethis,andIfoundit invaluablebecauseIdiscoveredthatIhadabelief thatwasunderemployed.Itwasthebelief"There'salwaysawaytoturnthingsaroundifI'mcommitted."WhenIreadmylist,Ithought,"Thisisabeliefthatneedstobestrengthenedandturnedintoaconviction."I'msogladIdidbecauseonlyaboutayearlaterthatconvictionwasalifepreserverthatpulledmethroughoneofthetoughest times, a timewhen everything aroundme seemed to be sinking.Notonly did it buoy my spirit, but it also helped me deal with one of the mostdifficultpersonalandbusinesschallenges Ihadyet faced.Thisonebelief, thissense of certainty, enabled me to find ways to turn things around wheneverybodyaroundmesaiditcouldn'tbedone.Inotonlyturnedthingsaround,Iturnedmy biggest challenges intomy biggest opportunities—and so can you!Review this list andstrengthenyouremotional intensityandsenseofcertaintythatthesebeliefsaretrueandrealsotheycanguideyourfuturebehaviors.Nowlet's takealookatyourlimitingbeliefs.Asyoureviewthem,whatare

some of the consequences that these beliefs carry with them? Circle the twomostdisempoweringbeliefs.Deciderightnow,onceandforall, thatyou'renolonger willing to pay the price that these beliefs are charging your life.Rememberthatifyoubegintodoubtthebeliefsandquestiontheirvalidity,youcanshaketheirreferencelegssotheynolongerimpactyou.Knockthoselegsofcertaintyoutfromunderyourdisempoweringbeliefsbyaskingyourselfsomeofthefollowingquestions:1.Howisthisbeliefridiculousorabsurd?2.WasthepersonIlearnedthisbelieffromworthmodelinginthisarea?3.WhatwillitultimatelycostmeemotionallyifIdon'tletgoofthisbelief?4.Whatwill it ultimately costme inmy relationships if I don't let go of thisbelief?5.WhatwillitultimatelycostmephysicallyifIdon'tletgoofthisbelief?6.WhatwillitultimatelycostmefinanciallyifIdon'tletgoofthisbelief?7.Whatwillitcostmyfamily/lovedonesifIdon'tletgoofthisbelief?Ifyou'vetakenthetimetoreallyanswerthesequestions,youmayfindthatyourbeliefshavebeensignificantlyweakenedunderthescrutinyof thesequestions.Nowbecome fully associated towhat thesebeliefshavebeencostingyouand

the real costs inyour future ifyoudonot change.Link such intensepain thatyou'llwanttoridyourselfofthemforever,andthen,finally,decidetodosonow.Finally,wecan'tgetridofapatternwithoutreplacingitwithanewone.So

rightnow,writedownthereplacementsfor the twolimitingbeliefsyou've justeliminated.Whatistheirantithesis?Forexample,ifyouhadabeliefthat"IcanneversucceedbecauseI'mawoman,"yournewbeliefmightbe,"BecauseI'mawoman, I have resources available to me that no man could ever dream of!"Whataresomeofthereferencesyouhavetobackupthisideasoyoubegintofeelcertainaboutit?Asyoureinforceandstrengthenthisbelief,itwillbegintodirectyourbehaviorinanentirelynewandmoreempoweringway.If you're not getting the results you want in your life, I suggest you ask

yourself,"WhatwouldIhavetobelieveinordertosucceedhere?"Or"Whoisalreadysucceeding in thisarea, andwhatdo theybelievedifferently than Idoaboutwhat's possible?"Or "What's necessary to believe in order to succeed?"Youmay very well discover the key belief that's been eluding you. If you'reexperiencingpain,ifyoufeelchallengedorfrustratedorangry,youmaywanttoaskyourself,"WhatwouldIhavetobelieveinordertofeelthewayIdo?"Themiracle of this simple process is that it will uncover beliefs you aren't evenaware you have. For example, if you're feeling depressed and ask yourself,"WhatwouldIhavetobelieveinordertofeeldepressed?"you'llprobablycomeupwithsomethingthatrelatestothefuture,like,"Thingswillnevergetbetter,"or "There's nohope."Whenyouhear thesebeliefsverbalized, youmightwellthink,"Idon'tbelievethat!Ifeelbadrightnow,butIknowit'snotgoingtobebad forever.This, too, shall pass."Or youmay just decide that a belief abouthavingproblemspermanentlyistotallydestructiveandoneyou'renotwillingtoeverconsideragain.While you're examining these limiting beliefs, notice how your feelings

change.Realize,believe,andtrustthatifyouchangethemeaningofanyeventin your mind, you will immediately change how you feel and what you do,which will lead you to change your actions and thus transform your destiny.Changing what something means will change the decisions you make.Remember,nothinginlifehasanymeaningexceptthemeaningyougiveit.Somakesurethatyouconsciouslychoosethemeaningsthataremostinalignmentwiththedestinyyou'vechosenforyourself.Beliefshavetheawesomepotentialtocreateordestroy.Ibelieveyoupicked

upthisbookbecausedeepdownyou'vedecidedyouwillnotsettleforlessthanthebestyouknowyou'recapableof.Doyoutrulywanttoharnessthepowerto

create the vision you want rather than destroy your dreams? Then learn tochoose the beliefs that empower you; create convictions that drive you in thedirectionof the destiny that calls to the highestwithin you.Your family, yourbusiness,yourcommunity,andyourcountrydeservenoless.LEADERSHIPANDTHEPOWEROFBELIEFLeaders are those individuals who live by empowering beliefs and teach

otherstotaptheirfullcapabilitiesbyshiftingthebeliefsthathavebeenlimitingthem.One great leaderwho impressesme is a teacher by the name ofMarvaCollins.Youmayhaveseenthe60Minutesprogramorthemoviethatwasmadeabouther.Thirtyyears ago,Marvautilizedherpersonalpoweranddecided totouch the future by making a real difference in the lives of children. Herchallenge:whenshegottoherfirstteaching job inwhatmany considered to be a ghetto ofChicago, her second-gradestudentshadalreadydecided that theydidn'twant to learnanything.YetMarva'smissionistotouchthesechildren'slives.Shedoesn'thaveamerebeliefthatshecanimpactthem;shehasapassionate,deep-rootedconvictionthatshewill influence them for good. Therewas no limit to the extent shewould go.Facedwith children labelled as dyslexics and every other kind of learning orbehaviouraldisorder,shedecided that the problem was not the children, but the way they were beingtaught. No one was challenging them enough. As a result, these kids had nobelief in themselves. They had no references of ever being pushed to breakthroughandfindoutwhotheyreallywereorwhattheywerecapableof.Humanbeingsrespondtochallenge,andthesechildren,shebelieved,neededthatmorethananythingelse.Soshethrewoutalltheoldbooksthatread,"SeeSpotrun,"and instead taughtShakespeare,Sophocles, andTolstoy.All theother teacherssaid things like,"There'snoway itcanhappen.There'snoway thesekidscanunderstandthat."Andasyoumightguess,manyofthemat-tackedMarvapersonally, saying that shewasgoing todestroy thesechildren'slives.ButMarva'sstudentsnotonlyunderstoodthematerial,theythrivedonit.Why?Becauseshebelievedsoferventlyintheuniquenessofeachchild'sspirit,and his or her ability to learn anything. She communicated with so muchcongruencyandlovethatsheliterallygotthemtobelieveinthemselves—someof themfor the first time in theiryoung lives.The results shehasconsistentlyproducedfordecadeshavebeenextraordinary.I first met Marva and interviewed her atWestside Preparatory School, the

private school she founded outside the Chicago city school system.After our

meeting,Idecidedtointerviewsomeofherstudents.ThefirstyoungmanImetwas fouryearsold,witha smile thatwouldknockyour socksoff. I shookhishand."Hi,I'mTonyRobbins.""Hello,Mr.Robbins,mynameisTalmadgeE.Griffin.Iamfouryearsold.Whatwouldyouliketoknow?!""Well,Talmadge,tellme,whatareyoustudyingthesedays?""I'mstudyingalotofthings,Mr.Robbins.""Well,whatbookshaveyoureadrecently?""IjustfinishedreadingOfMiceandMen,byJohnSteinbeck."Needlesstosay,Iwasprettyimpressed.Iaskedhimwhatthebookwasabout,figuring he'd say something like it was about two guys named George andLenny.Hesaid,"Well,themainprotagonistis..."Bythis timeIwasabeliever!ThenIaskedhimwhathehad learnedfromthebook."Mr. Robbins, I more than learned from this book. This book permeated mysoul."Istartedtolaugh,andasked,"Whatdoes'permeate'mean?""Todiffusethrough,"hesaid,thengavemeafullerdefinitionthanIcouldgiveyou."Whattouchedyousomuchinthisbook,Talmadge?""Mr.Robbins,Inoticedinthestorythatthechildrenneverjudgeanyoneelsebythecolouroftheirskin.Onlytheadultsdidthat.WhatIlearnedfromthisisthatalthoughIwillsomedaybecomeanadult,I'llneverforgetthelessonsofachild."Istartedtogetteary-eyedbecauseIsawthatMarvaCollinswasprovidingthisyoungmanandsomanyotherslikehimwiththekindsofpowerfulbeliefsthatwill continue to shape his decisions not only today, but throughout his life.Marva increases her students' quality of life by using the three organizingprinciplesItalkedaboutinthebeginningofthisbook:shegetsthemtoholdthemselvestoahigherstandard,sheassiststheminadoptingnew,empoweringbeliefsthatenablethemtobreakthroughtheiroldlimitations,andshebacksallthisupwithspecificskillsandstrategiesnecessaryfor lifelong success.The results?Her students becomenot only confident, butcompetent. The immediate results in terms of their academic excellence arestriking, and the processional effects generated in their everyday lives areprofound.FinallyIaskedTalmadge,"What'sthemostimportantthingthatMrs.Collinshastaughtyou?""Themost important thingMrs.Collinshas taughtme is thatSOCIETYMAY

PREDICT,BUTONLYIWILLDETERMINEMYDESTINY!"Maybeweallneed toremember the lessonsofachild.With thebeliefsyoungTalmadge expressed so beautifully, I guarantee that he, as well as the otherchildrenintheclass,willhaveagreatopportunitytocontinuouslyinterprettheirlivesinawaythatwillcreatethefuturetheydesire,ratherthantheonethatmostpeople fear. Let's reviewwhat we've learned so far.We're clear that there's apowerinsideusthatneedstobeawakened.Thatpowerstartswiththecapabilitytomakeconsciousdecisionsthatshapeourdestiny.Butthereisonecorebeliefthatwemustexploreandresolve,andthisbeliefcanbefoundinyouranswertothequestion...

CANCHANGEHAPPENINANINSTANT?"Behold, I show you amystery;We shall not all sleep, butwe shall all be

changed,inamoment,inthetwinklingofaneye..."CORINTHIANS15:51Foras longas Icanremember, I'vealwaysdreamedofhaving theability to

helppeoplechangevirtuallyanythingintheirlives.Instinctively,atanearlyage,Irealizedthattobeabletohelpotherschange,Ihadtobeabletochangemyself.Even in junior high school, I began to pursue knowledge through books andtapes that I thought could teach me the fundamentals of how to shift humanbehaviour and emotion.Of course Iwanted to improve certain aspects ofmyown life: getmyselfmotivated, getmyself to follow through and take action,learnhowtoenjoylife,andleamhowtoconnectandbondwithpeople.I'mnotsure why, but somehow I linked pleasure to learning and sharing things thatcould make a difference in the quality of people's lives and lead them toappreciate and maybe even love me. As a result, by the time I was in highschool,Iwasknownasthe"SolutionsMan."Ifyouhadaproblem,Iwastheguyto see, and I took great pride in this identity. The more I learned, the moreaddicted I became to learning even more. Understanding how to influencehuman emotion and behaviour became an obsession for me. I took a speed-readingclassanddevelopedavoraciousappetiteforbooks.Ireadcloseto700booksinjustafewyears,almostallofthemintheareasofhumandevelopment,psychology, influence, and physiological development. I wanted to knowanything and everything there was to know about how we can increase the

qualityofourlives,andtriedtoimmediatelyapplyittomyselfaswellasshareitwith other people. But I didn't stop with books. I became a fanatic formotivationaltapesand,whilestillinhighschool,savedmymoneytogoto different types of personal development seminars. As you can imagine, itdidn'ttakelongformetofeellikeIwashearingnothingbutthesamemessagesreworkedoverandoveragain.Thereappearedtobenothingnew,andIbecameabitjaded.Justaftermytwenty-firstbirthday,though,Iwasexposedtoaseriesof technologies that could make changes in people's lives with lightning-likespeed: simple technologies like Gestalt therapy, and tools of influence likeEricksonianhypnosisandNeuro-LinguisticProgramming.WhenIsawthatthesetools could really help people create changes in minutes that previously tookmonths,years,ordecadestoachieve,Ibecameanevangelistinmyapproachtothem.Idecidedtocommitallofmyresourcestomasteringthesetechnologies.AndIdidn'tstopthere:assoonasIlearnedsomething,Iapplieditimmediately.I'llneverforgetmyfirstweekoftraininginNeuro-LinguisticProgramming.Welearned things like how to eliminate a lifetime phobia in less than an hour—somethingthatthroughmanyformsoftraditionaltherapycouldtakeasmuchasfive years or more! On the fifth day, I turned to the psychologists andpsychiatristsintheclassandsaid,"Hey,guys,let'sfindsomephobicsandcurethem!"TheyalllookedatmelikeIwascrazy.TheymadeitverycleartomethatI obviously wasn't an educated man, that we had to wait until the six-monthcertificationprogramwascompleted,gothroughatestingprocedure,andifwewere successful, only then would we be ready to use this material! I wasn'twilling towait.So I launchedmycareer by appearingon radio and televisionprogramsthroughoutCanadaandeventuallytheUnitedStatesaswell.Ineachofthese,Italkedtopeopleaboutthesetechnologiesforcreatingchangeandmadeitclear that if wewanted to change our lives, whether it was a disempoweringhabitoraphobia thathadbeencontrollingus foryears, thatbehaviouror thatemotionalpatterncouldbechangedinamatterofminutes,eventhoughtheymighthavetriedtochange it for years previously. Was this a radical concept? You bet. But Ipassionatelyarguedthatallchangesarecreatedinamoment.It'sjustthatmostofuswaituntilcertainthingshappenbeforewefinallydecidetomakeashift.Ifwetrulyunderstoodhowthebrainworked,Iargued,wecouldstoptheendlessprocessofanalyzingwhythingshadhappenedtous,andifwecouldjustsimplychangewhatwelinkedpainandpleasureto,wecouldjustaseasilychangetheway our nervous systems had been conditioned and take charge of our livesimmediately.Asyoucanimagine,ayoungkidwithnoPh.D.whowasmakingthese controversial claims on the radio didn't go over very well with some

traditionally trained mental-health professionals. A few psychiatrists andpsychologistsattackedme,someontheair.SoIlearnedtobuildmycareerinchangingpeopleontwoprinciples:technologyandchallenge.IknewIhadasuperiortechnology,asuperiorwayofcreatingchangebasedoncrucialunderstandingsofhumanbehaviourthatmosttraditionalpsychologistswerenottrainedin.AndIbelievedthatifIchallengedmyselfandthepeopleIworkedwithenough,Icouldfindawaytoturnvirtuallyanythingaround.OneparticularpsychiatristcalledmeacharlatanandaliarandchargedthatIwasmakingfalseclaims.Ichallengedthispsychiatristtosuspendhis pessimism and give me an opportunity to work with one of his patients,someonehehadn'tbeenabletochangeafterworkingwithherforyears.Itwasaboldmove,andatfirsthedidnotcomplywithmyrequest.Butafterutilizingalittle leverage (a technique I'll cover in the next chapter), I finally got thepsychiatristtoletapatientcomeonherowntooneofmyfreeguesteventsandallowme,infrontoftheroom,toworkwithher.InfifteenminutesIwipedoutthe woman's phobia of snakes—at the time she'd been treated for over sevenyearsbythepsychiatristwhoattackedme.Tosaytheleast,hewasamazed.Butmore importantly, can you imagine the references this created forme and thesenseofcertainty itgavemeaboutwhat Icouldaccomplish? Ibecameawildman!Istormedacrossthecountrydemonstratingtopeoplehowquicklychangecouldoccur.IfoundthatnomatterwhereIwent,peoplewereinitiallysceptical.But,asIwasabletodemonstratemeasurableresultsbeforetheireyes,IwasabletogetnotonlytheirattentionandinterestbutalsotheirwillingnesstoapplywhatI'dtalkedabouttoproducemeasurableresultsintheirownlives.Whyisitthatmostpeoplethinkchangetakessolong?Onereason,obviously,isthatmostpeoplehavetriedagainandagainthroughwillpowertomakechanges,andfailed.Theassumptionthat theythenmakeis that importantchangesmusttake a long time and be very difficult to make. In reality, it's only difficultbecause most of us don't know how to change! We don't have an effectivestrategy.Willpowerby itself is not enough—not ifwewant to achieve lastingchange.Thesecondreasonwedon'tchangequicklyisthatinourculture,wehaveasetofbeliefsthatpreventsusfrombeingabletoutilizeourowninherentabilities.Culturally,welinknegativeassociationstotheideaofinstantchange.Formost,instantchangemeansyouneverreallyhadaproblematall. Ifyoucanchangethateasily,whydidn'tyouchangeaweekago,amonthago,ayearago,andstopcomplaining?Forexample,howquicklycouldapersonrecoverfromthelossofa lovedoneandbegintofeeldifferently?Physically,theyhavethecapabilitytodoitthenext

morning.Buttheydon't.Why?Becausewehaveasetofbeliefs inourculturethatwe need to grieve for a certain period of time.How long dowe have togrieve?Italldependsuponyourownconditioning.Thinkaboutthis.Ifthenextdayafteryoulostalovedone,youdidn'tgrieve,wouldn'tthatcauseagreatdealof pain in your life? First, people would immediately believe you didn't careabout the loved one you lost.And, based on cultural conditioning, youmightbegin to believe that youdidn't care, either.The concept of overcomingdeaththis easily is just too painful. We choose the pain of grieving rather thanchangingouremotionsuntilwe'resatisfiedthatourrulesandculturalstandardsaboutwhat'sappropriatehavebeenmet.Thereare,infact,cultureswherepeoplecelebratewhen someonedies!Why?Theybelieve thatGodalwaysknows theright time for us to leave the earth, and that death is graduation. They alsobelieve that if you were to grieve about someone's death, you would beindicatingnothingbutyourownlackofunderstandingoflife,andyouwouldbedemonstratingyour own selfishness.Since this personhas goneon to a betterplace,you'refeelingsorryfornoonebutyourself.Theylinkpleasuretodeath,andpain togrieving, sogrief isnot apartof their culture. I'mnot saying thatgriefisbadorwrong.I'mjustsayingthatweneedtorealizeit'sbaseduponourbeliefs that pain takes a long time to recover from.As I spoke from coast tocoast, I kept encouraging people to make life-changing shifts, often in thirtyminutes or less. There was no doubt I created controversy, and the moresuccessesIhad,themoreassuredandintenseIbecameaswell.Totellthetruth,I was occasionally confrontational and more than a little cocky. I started outdoingprivate therapy,helpingpeople turn thingsaround,andthenbegantodoseminars.Withinafewshortyears,Iwastravellingontheroadthreeweeksoutoffour,constantlypushingmyselfandgivingmyallasIworkedtoextendmyabilitytopositivelyimpact thelargestnumberofpeopleIcouldintheshortestperiodoftime.TheresultsIproducedbecamesomewhatlegendary.Eventuallythe psychiatrists and psychologists stopped attacking and actually becameinterestedinlearningmytechniquesforusewiththeirownpatients.Atthesametime,my attitudes changed and I becamemore balanced.But I never lostmypassionforwantingtohelpasmanypeopleasIcould.Onedayaboutfourandahalfyearsago,notlongafterUnlimitedPowerwasfirstpublished,IwassigningbooksaftergivingoneofmybusinessseminarsinSanFrancisco.AllthewhileIwasreflectingontheincrediblerewardsthathadcomefromfollowingthroughon the commitments I had made to myself while still in high school: thecommitments to grow, expand, contribute, and thereby make a difference. Irealizedaseachsmiling facecame forwardhowdeeplygrateful Iwas tohavedevelopedskillsthatcanmakeadifferenceinhelpingpeopletochangevirtually

anythingintheirlives.As the lastgroupofpeople finallybegan todisperse,onemanapproachedmeandasked,"Doyourecognizeme?"Havingseenliterallythousandsofpeopleinthat month alone, I had to admit that I didn't. He said, "Think about it for asecond."After looking at him for a fewmoments, suddenly it clicked. I said,"NewYorkCity,right?"Hesaid,"That'strue."Isaid,"Ididsomeprivateworkwithyou inhelpingyou towipeoutyour smokinghabit."Henoddedagain. Isaid,"Wow,thatwasyearsago!Howareyoudoing?"Hereachedinhispocket,pulledoutapackageofMarlboros,pointedatmewithanaccusinglookonhisfaceandsaid,"Youfailed!"Thenhelaunchedintoatiradeaboutmyinabilityto"program"himeffectively.IhavetoadmitIwasrattled!Afterall,Ihadbuiltmy career onmy absolute willingness to put myself on the line, onmy totalcommitmenttochallengingmyselfandotherpeople,onmydedicationtotryinganythinginordertocreatelastingandeffectivechangewithlightning-likespeed.As this man continued to berate my ineffectiveness in "curing" his smokinghabit, Iwonderedwhat could have gonewrong.Could it be thatmy ego hadoutgrownmytruelevelofcapabilityandskill?GraduallyIbegantoaskmyselfbetterquestions:WhatcouldIlearnfromthissituation?Whatwasreallygoingonhere?"Whathappenedafterweworkedtogether?"Iaskedhim,expectingtohear thathehadresumedsmokingaweekorsoafter thetherapy.It turnedoutthathe'dstoppedsmokingfortwoandahalfyears,afterI'dworkedwithhimforlessthananhour!Butonedayhetookapuff,andnowhewasbacktohisfour-pack-a-dayhabit,plainlyblamingmebecausethechangehadnotendured.Thenithitme:thismanwasnotbeingcompletelyunreasonable.Afterall,IhadbeenteachingsomethingcalledNeuro-LinguisticProgramming.Thinkabouttheword"programming." It suggests thatyoucouldcome tome, Iwouldprogramyou,andtheneverythingwouldbefine.Youwouldn'thavetodoanything!Outofmydesiretohelppeopleat thedeepest level,I'dmadetheverymistakethatIsawother leaders in the personal development industrymake: I had begun to takeresponsibilityforotherpeople'schanges.Thatday,IrealizedIhadinadvertentlyplacedtheresponsibilitywiththewrongperson—me—andthatthisman,oranyoneoftheotherthousandsofpeopleI'dworked with, could easily go back to their old behaviours if they ran into adifficult enough challenge because they sawme as the person responsible fortheir change. If things didn't work out, they could just conveniently blamesomebody else. They had no personal responsibility, and therefore, no pain iftheydidn'tfollowthroughonthenewbehavior.Asaresultofthisnewperspective,IdecidedtochangethemetaphorforwhatIdo. I stopped using theword "programming" becausewhile I continue to use

manyNLPtechniques,Ibelieveit'sinaccurate.Abettermetaphorforlong-termchange is conditioning.Thiswas solidified formewhen, a fewdays later,mywife brought in a piano tuner for our new baby grand. This man was a truecraftsman.Heworkedoneverystringinthatpianoforliterallyhoursandhours,stretching each one to just the right level of tension to create the perfectvibration.At theendof theday, thepianoplayedmagnificently.WhenIaskedhim howmuch I owed, he said, "Don't worry, I'll drop off a bill onmy nextvisit."Myresponsewas,"Nextvisit?Whatdoyoumean?"Hesaid,"I'llbebacktomorrow, and then I'll come back once aweek for the nextmonth. Then I'llreturneverythreemonthsfortherestoftheyear,onlybecauseyoulivebytheocean." I said, "What are you talking about?Didn't you alreadymake all theadjustments on the piano? Isn't it set up properly?" He said, "Yes, but thesestrings are strong; to keep them at the perfect level of tension, we've got toconditionthemtostayatthislevel.I'vegottocomebackandre-tightenthemonaregularbasisuntilthewireistrainedtostayatthislevel." I thought,"Whatabusiness thisguyhas!"ButIalsogotagreat lessonthatday.Thisisexactlywhatwehavetodoifwe'regoingtosucceedincreatinglong-termchange.Onceweeffectachange,weshouldreinforceitimmediately.Then,wehave to conditionournervous systems to succeednot just once,butconsistently.Youwouldn'tgotoanaerobicsclassjustonetimeandsay,"Okay,nowI'vegotagreatbodyandI'llbehealthyforlife!"Thesameistrueofyouremotionsandbehaviour.We'vegottoconditionourselvesforsuccess,forlove,forbreaking throughour fears.And through thatconditioning,wecandeveloppatternsthatautomaticallyleadustoconsistent,lifelongsuccess.Weneedtorememberthatpainandpleasureshapeallourbehaviours,andthatpain and pleasure can change our behaviours. Conditioning requires that weunderstandhowtousepainandpleasure.Whatyou'regoingtolearninthenextchapteristhesciencethatI'vedevelopedtocreateanychangeyouwantinyourlife.IcallittheScienceofNeuroAssociativeConditioning™,orNAC.Whatisit? NAC is a step-by-step process that can condition your nervous system toassociate pleasure to those things youwant to continuouslymove toward andpainto those thingsyouneedtoavoidinorder tosucceedconsistently inyourlifewithoutconstanteffortorwillpower.Remember,it'sthefeelingsthatwe'vebeenconditionedtoassociateinournervoussystems—ourneuroassociations—thatdetermineouremotionsandourbehaviour.Whenwe take control of our neuroassociations, we take control of our lives.Thischapterwillshowyouhowtoconditionyourneuroassociationssothatyouareempoweredtotakeactionandproducetheresultsyou'vealwaysdreamedof.It'sdesignedtogiveyouthekNACkofcreatingconsistentandlastingchange.

"Thingsdonotchange;wechange."HENRYDAVIDTHOREAUWhatarethetwochangeseveryonewantsinlife?Isn'tittruethatweallwant

tochangeeither1)howwefeelabout thingsor2)ourbehaviours?Ifapersonhasbeenthroughatragedy—theywereabusedasachild,theywereraped,lostaloved one, are lacking in self-esteem—this person clearlywill remain in painuntil the sensations they link to themselves, these events, or situations arechanged. Likewise, if a person overeats, drinks, smokes, or takes drugs, theyhaveasetofbehavioursthatmustchange.Theonlywaythiscanhappenisbylinkingpaintotheoldbehaviourandpleasuretoanewbehaviour.Thissoundssosimple,butwhatI'vefoundis that inorderforus tobeable tocreatetruechange—changethatlasts—weneedtodevelopaspecificsystemforutilizing any techniquesyou and I learn to create change, and there aremany.Every day I'm picking up new skills and new technologies from a variety ofsciences. Icontinue tousemanyof theNLPandEricksonian techniques that Ibeganmycareerwith;someofthemarethefinestavailable.YetIalwayscomebacktoutilizingthemwithintheframeworkofthesamesixfundamentalstepsthat the science of NAC represents. I created NAC as a way to use anytechnologyforchange.WhatNACreallyprovidesisaspecificsyntax—anorderandsequence—ofwaystouseanysetofskillstocreatelong-termchange.I'msureyourecallthatinthefirstchapterIsaidthatoneofthekeycomponentsofcreatinglong-termchangeisashiftinbeliefs.Thefirstbeliefwemusthaveifwe're going to create change quickly is thatwe can change now.Again,mostpeopleinoursocietyhaveunconsciouslylinkedalotofpaintotheideaofbeingable to changequickly.Ononehand,wedesire to changequickly, andon theother, our cultural programming teaches us that to change quicklymeans thatmaybewe never even had a problem at all.Maybewewere just faking it orbeinglazy.Wemustadoptthebeliefthatwecanchangeinamoment.Afterall,ifyoucancreateaprobleminamoment,youshouldbeabletocreateasolution,too!Youand I bothknow thatwhenpeople finallydo change, theydo it in amoment,don'tthey?There'saninstantwhenthechangeoccurs.Whynotmakethatinstantnow?Usuallyit'sthegettingreadytochangethattakespeopletime.We'veallheardthejoke:Q:Howmanypsychiatristsdoesittaketochangealightbulb?A:justone...butit'sveryexpensive,ittakesalongtime,andthelightbulbhastowanttochange.Garbage!Youand I have toget ourselves ready to change.Youand I have tobecomeourowncounsellorsandmasterourown lives.The secondbelief that

you and I must have if we're going to create long-term change is that we'reresponsibleforourownchange,notanyoneelse.Infact,therearethreespecificbeliefs about responsibility that a personmust have if they're going to createlong-termchange:1)First,wemustbelieve,"Somethingmustchange"—notthatitshouldchange,notthatitcouldoroughtto,butthatitabsolutelymust.SooftenIhearpeoplesay, "This weight should come off," "Procrastinating is a lousy habit," "Myrelationships should be better." But you know, we can "should" all overourselves,andour lifestillwon'tchange! It'sonlywhensomethingbecomesamustthatwebegintheprocessoftrulydoingwhat'snecessarytoshiftthequalityofourlives.2) Second, we must not only believe that things must change, but we mustbelieve,"Imustchangeit."Wemustseeourselvesasthesourceofthechange.Otherwise,we'llalwaysbelookingforsomeoneelsetomakethechangesforus,andwe'llalwayshavesomeoneelsetoblamewhenitdoesn'tworkout.Wemustbethesourceofourchangeifourchangeisgoingtolast.3) Third, we have to believe, "I can change it." Without believing that it'spossibleforustochange,aswe'vealreadydiscussedinthelastchapter,westandnochanceofcarryingthroughonourdesires.Without these three core beliefs, I can assure you that any change youmakestandsagoodchanceofbeingonlytemporary.Pleasedon'tmisunderstandme—it's always smart to get a great coach (an expert, a therapist, a counsellor,someonewho'salreadyproducedtheseresultsformanyotherpeople)tosupportyou in taking theproper steps toconqueryourphobiaorquit smokingor loseweight.Butintheend,youhavetobethesourceofyourchange.TheinteractionIhadwiththerelapsedsmokerthatdaytriggeredmetoasknewquestions of myself about the sources of change. Why was I so effectivethroughout the years?What had setme apart from otherswho'd tried to helpthese same people who had equal intention but were unable to produce theresult?AndwhenI'd tried tocreateachange insomeoneandfailed,whathadhappened then?Whathadpreventedmefromproducing thechange that Iwasreallycommittedtohelpingthisperson make? Then I began to ask larger questions, like "What really makeschangehappen in any formof therapy?"All therapieswork someof the time,andallformsof therapyfail toworkatother times.Ialsobegantonoticetwootherinterestingthings:somepeoplewenttotherapistsIdidn'tthinkwere particularly skilled, and stillmanaged tomake their desired change in averyshortperiodof timeinspiteof the therapist. Ialsosawotherpeoplewhowent to therapists I considered excellent, yet were not helped to produce the

resultstheywantedintheshortterm.Afterafewyearsofwitnessingthousandsof transformationsand looking for thecommondenominator, finally ithitme:wecananalyzeourproblemsforyears,butnothingchangesuntilwechangethesensations we link to an experience in our nervous system, and we have thecapacitytodothisquicklyandpowerfullyifweunderstand...

THEPOWEROFYOURBRAIN

Whatamagnificentgiftwewerebornwith! I've learned thatourbrainscanhelpusaccomplishvirtuallyanythingwedesire.Thebrain'scapacity isnearlyunfathomable.Mostofusknowlittleabouthowitworks,solet'sbrieflyfocusupon this unparalleled vessel of power and how we can condition it toconsistently produce the results wewant in our lives. Realize that your braineagerlyawaitsyoureverycommand,readytocarryoutanythingyouaskof it.All it requires isa smallamountof fuel: theoxygen inyourbloodanda littleglucose. In termsof its intricacyandpower, thebraindefiesevenourgreatestmodemcomputertechnology.Itiscapableofprocessingupto30billionbitsofinformationpersecondanditboaststheequivalentof6,000milesofwiringandcabling.Typicallythehumannervoussystemcontainsabout28billionneurons(nerve cells designed to conduct impulses). Without neurons, our nervoussystems would be unable to interpret the information we receive through oursenseorgans,unabletoconveyittothebrainandunabletocarryoutinstructionsfromthebrainas towhat todo.Eachof theseneuronsisa tiny,self-containedcomputercapableofprocessingaboutonemillionbitsof information.Theseneuronsact independently,but theyalsocommunicatewithotherneuronsthroughanamazingnetworkof100,000milesofnervefibres.Thepowerofyourbrain toprocess information isstaggering ,especiallywhenyouconsiderthatacomputer—eventhefastestcomputer—canmakeconnectionsonlyoneatatime.Bycontrast,areactioninoneneuroncanspreadtohundredsofthousandsofothersinaspanoflessthan20milliseconds.Togiveyouperspective,that'sabouttentimeslessthanittakesforyoureyetoblink.Aneurontakesamilliontimeslongertosendasignalthanatypicalcomputerswitch,yetthebraincanrecognizeafamiliarfaceinlessthanasecond—afeatbeyondtheabilityofthemostpowerfulcomputers.Thebrainachieves this speed because, unlike the step-by-step computer, its billions ofneuronscanallattackaproblemsimultaneously.Sowithallthisimmensepoweratourdisposal,whycan'twegetourselvestofeelhappyconsistently?Whycan'twechangeabehaviourlikesmokingordrinking,overeatingorprocrastinating?Whycan'twe immediatelyshakeoffdepression,break throughour frustration,andfeeljoyouseverydayofourlives?Wecan!Eachofushasatourdisposalthemostincrediblecomputerontheplanet,butunfortunatelynoonegaveusanowner'smanual.Most of us have no idea how our brains really work, so weattempttothinkourwayintoachangewhen,inreality,ourbehaviourisrooted

inournervoussystemsintheformofphysicalconnections—neuralconnections—orwhatIcallneuroassociations.NEURO-SCIENCE:YOURTICKETTOLASTINGCHANGEGreat breakthroughs in our ability to understand the human mind are now

available because of a marriage between two widely different fields: neuro-biology (the study of how the brain works) and computer science. Theintegrationofthesescienceshascreatedthedisciplineofneuro-science. Neuro-scientists study how neuroassociations occur and havediscoveredthatneuronsareconstantlysendingelectro-chemicalmessagesbackandforthacrossneuralpathways,notunliketrafficonabusythoroughfare.Thiscommunicationishappeningallatonce,eachideaormemorymovingalongitsown pathwhile literally billions of other impulses are travelling in individualdirections.Thisarrangementenablesustohopscotchmentallyfrommemoriesofthepinesmellofanevergreenforestafterarain, to thehauntingmelodyofafavouriteBroadwaymusical, topainstakinglydetailedplansofaneveningwithalovedone,totheexquisitesizeandtextureofanewbornbaby'sthumb.Notonlydoesthiscomplexsystemallowustoenjoythebeautyofourworld,italsohelpsus tosurvivein it.Eachtimeweexperienceasignificantamountofpain or pleasure, our brains search for the cause and record it in our nervoussystemstoenableustomakebetterdecisionsaboutwhattodointhefuture.Forexample,without a neuroassociation in your brain to remind you that stickingyourhandintoanopenflamewouldbumyou,youcouldconceivablymakethismistake again and again until your hand is severely burned. Thus,neuroassociationsquicklyprovideourbrainswiththesignalsthathelpustore-accessourmemoriesandsafelymanoeuvreusthroughourlives."Tothedullmindallnatureisleaden.Totheilluminedmindthewholeworld

burnsandsparkleswithlight."RALPHWALDOEMERSONWhenwedosomethingforthefirst time,wecreateaphysicalconnection,a

thinneuralstrandthatallowsustore-accessthatemotionorbehaviouragaininthe future. Think of it this way; each time we repeat the behaviour, theconnection strengthens.We add another strand to our neural connection.Withenough repetitions and emotional intensity, we can add many strandssimultaneously, increasing the tensile strengthof thisemotionalorbehaviouralpatternuntileventuallywehavea"trunkline"tothisbehaviourorfeeling.Thisiswhenwefindourselvescompelledtofeelthesefeelingsorbehaveinthisway

consistently.Inotherwords,thisconnectionbecomeswhatI'vealreadylabelleda neural "super-highway" that will take us down an automatic and consistentrouteofbehaviour.This neuroassociation is a biological reality—it's physical. Again, this is whythinkingourwayintoachangeisusuallyineffective;ourneuroassociationsareasurvival tool and they are secured in our nervous systems as physicalconnections rather than as intangible "memories." Michael Merzenich of theUniversityofCalifornia,SanFrancisco,hasscientificallyproventhat themorewe indulge in any pattern of behaviour, the stronger that pattern becomes.Merzenichmapped the specific areas in amonkey's brain that were activatedwhen a certain finger in themonkey's handwas touched.He then trained onemonkey to use this finger predominantly in order to earn its food. WhenMerzenichremappedthe touch-activatedareas in themonkey'sbrain,hefoundthat the area responding to the signals from that finger's additional use hadexpandedinsizenearly600percent!Nowthemonkeycontinuedthebehavioureven when he was no longer rewarded because the neural pathway was sostronglyestablished.Anillustrationofthisinhumanbehaviourmightbethatofa personwho no longer enjoys smoking but still feels a compulsion to do so.Whywould thisbe thecase?Thisperson isphysically"wired" tosmoke.Thisexplains why you may have found it difficult to create a change in youremotionalpatternsorbehavioursinthepast.Youdidn'tmerely"haveahabit"—you had created a network of strong neuroassociations within your nervoussystem.We unconsciously develop these neuroassociations by allowing ourselves toindulgeinemotionsorbehavioursonaconsistentbasis.Eachtimeyouindulgeintheemotionofangerorthebehaviourofyellingatalovedone,youreinforcethe neural connection and increase the likelihood that you'll do it again. Thegoodnewsisthis:researchhasalsoshownthatwhenthemonkeywasforcedtostopusingthisfinger,theareaofthebrainwheretheseneuralconnectionsweremade actually began to shrink in size, and therefore the neuroassociationweakened.Thisisgoodnewsforthosewhowanttochangetheirhabits!Ifyou'lljuststopindulginginaparticularbehaviouroremotionlongenough,ifyoujustinterruptyourpatternofusingtheoldpathwayforalongenoughperiodoftime,the neural connection will weaken and atrophy. Thus the disempoweringemotionalpatternorbehaviourdisappearswithit.Weshouldrememberthisalsomeans that if you don't use your passion it's going to dwindle . Remember:courage, unused, diminishes . Commitment, unexercised, wanes . Love,unshared,dissipates.

"Itisnotenoughtohaveagoodmind;themainthingistouseitwell."RENEDESCARTESWhatthescienceofNeuroAssociativeConditioningoffersissixstepsthatare

specificallydesigned tochangebehaviorbybreakingpatterns thatdisempoweryou.But first,wemustunderstandhow thebrainmakes aneuroassociation inthefirstplace.Anytimeyouexperiencesignificantamountsofpainorpleasure,your brain immediately searches for the cause. It uses the following threecriteria.1.Yourbrainlooksforsomethingthatappearstobeunique.Tonarrowdownthelikely causes, the brain tries to distinguish something that is unusual to thecircumstance.Itseemslogicalthatifyou'rehavingunusualfeelings,theremustbeanunusualcause.2.Your brain looks for something that seems to be happening simultaneously.This is known in psychology circles as the Law of Recency. Doesn't it makesense that what occurs in the moment (or close proximity to it) of intensepleasureorpainisprobablythecauseofthatsensation?3.Yourbrainlooksforconsistency.Ifyou'refeelingpainorpleasure,yourbrainbegins to immediately notice what around you is unique and is happeningsimultaneously.Iftheelementthatmeetsthesetwocriteriaalsoseemstooccurconsistentlywheneveryoufeel thispainorpleasure, thenyoucanbesure thatyourbrainwilldeterminethatitisthecause.Thechallengeinthis,ofcourse,isthat when we feel enough pain or pleasure, we tend to generalize aboutconsistency.I'msureyou'vehadsomeonesaytoyou,"Youalwaysdothat,"afteryou'vedonesomethingforthefirsttime.Perhapsyou'veevensaidityourself.Because the three criteria for formingneuroassociations are so imprecise, it isvery easy to fall prey to misinterpretations and create what I call falseneuroassociations.That'swhywemustevaluatelinkagesbeforetheybecomeapartofourunconsciousdecision-makingprocess.Sooftenweblamethewrongcause, and thereby close ourselves off from possible solutions. I once knew awoman, a very successful artist,whohadn't had a relationshipwith aman fortwelveyears.Now,thiswomanwasextremelypassionateabouteverythingshedid;it'swhatmadehersuchagreatartist.However,whenherrelationshipendedand she foundherself inmassivepain, herbrain immediately searched for thecause—itsearchedforsomethingthatwasuniquetothisrelationship.Herbrainnoted that therelationshiphadbeenespeciallypassionate. Insteadofidentifyingitasoneofthebeautifulpartsoftherelationship,shebegantothinkthat thiswas the reason that the relationship ended.Her brain also looked forsomethingthatwassimultaneoustothepain;againitnotedthattherehadbeena

greatdealofpassionrightbeforeithadended.Whenshelookedforsomethingthatwasconsistent,againpassionwaspinpointedastheculprit.Becausepassionmetallthreecriteria,herbraindecidedthatitmustbethereasontherelationshipendedpainfully.Havinglinkedthisasthecause,sheresolvednevertofeelthatlevelofpassionina relationshipagain.This is aclassicexampleofa falseneuroassociation.Shehadlinkedupafakecause,andthiswasnowguidinghercurrentbehavioursandcripplingthepotentialforabetterrelationshipin thefuture.Therealculprit inherrelationshipwasthatsheandherpartnerhaddifferentvaluesandrules.Butbecause she linkedpain toher passion, she avoided it at all costs, not only inrelationships,buteven inherart.Thequalityofherentire lifebegan tosuffer.This is a perfect example of the strange ways in which we sometimes wireourselves; you and I must understand how our brain makes associations andquestionmanyofthoseconnectionsthatwe'vejustacceptedthatmaybelimitingour lives.Otherwise, inourpersonalandprofessional lives,wearedestined tofeelunfulfilledandfrustrated.

ASOURCEOFSELF-SABOTAGE

Evenmore insidiousaremixedneuroassociations, theclassic sourceof self-sabotage. If you've ever found yourself starting to accomplish something, andthendestroyingit,mixedneuroassociationsareusuallytheculprit.Perhapsyourbusinesshasbeenmovinginfitsandstarts,flourishingonedayandflounderingthenext.Whatisthisallabout?It'sacaseofassociatingbothpainandpleasureto the same situation.One example a lot of us can relate to ismoney. In ourculture,peoplehave incrediblymixedassociations towealth.There'snodoubtthatpeoplewantmoney.Theythinkitwouldprovidethemwithmorefreedom,moresecurity,achancetocontribute,achancetotravel,tolearn,toexpand,tomakeadifference.Butsimultaneously,mostpeopleneverclimbaboveacertainearningsplateaubecausedeepdowntheyassociatehaving"excess"moneytoalot of negatives. They associate it to greed, to being judged, to stress, withimmoralityoralackofspirituality.OneofthefirstexercisesIaskpeopletodoinmyFinancialDestiny™seminarsis tobrainstormall thepositiveassociations theyhavetowealth,aswellasallthe negative ones.On the plus side theywrite down such things as: freedom,luxury, contribution, happiness, security, travel, opportunity, and making adifference.Butontheminusside(whichisusuallymorefull)theywritedownsuch thingsas: fightswith spouse, stress,guilt, sleeplessnights, intenseeffort,greed,shallowness,andcomplacency,beingjudged,andtaxes.Doyounoticeadifferenceinintensitybetweenthetwosetsofneuroassociations?Whichdoyouthinkplaysastrongerroleintheirlives?When you're decidingwhat to do, if your brain doesn't have a clear signal ofwhatequalspainandwhatequalspleasure, itgoes intooverloadandbecomesconfused.As a result, you losemomentumand thepower to take thedecisiveactions that could give youwhat youwant.When you give your brainmixedmessages, you're going to get mixed results. Think of your brain's decision-makingprocessasbeinglikeascale:"IfIweretodothis,woulditmeanpainorpleasure?"Andremember,it'snotjustthenumberoffactorsoneachsidebuttheweighttheyindividuallycarry.It'spossiblethatyoucouldhavemorepleasurablethan painful associations about money, but if just one of the negativeassociations isvery intense, then that falseneuroassociationcanwipeoutyourabilitytosucceedfinancially.Whathappenswhenyougettoapointwhereyoufeelthatyou'regoingtohavepainnomatterwhatyoudo? I call this thepain-painbarrier.Often,when this

occurs,webecomeimmobilized—wedon'tknowwhattodo.Usuallywechoosewhat we believe will be the least painful alternative. Some people, however,allow this pain to overwhelm them completely and they experience learnedhelplessness. Using the six steps of NAC will help you to interrupt thesedisempoweringpatterns.Youwillcreatealternativepathwayssothatyou'renotjust"wishing"awayanundesiredbehaviour,oroverriding it in theshort term,butareactuallyrewiringyourself tofeelandbehaveconsistentwithyournew,empowering choices.Without changingwhat you link pain and pleasure to inyour nervous system, no change will last. After you read and understand thefollowingsixsteps,Ichallengeyoutochoosesomethingthatyouwanttochangein your life right now. Take action and follow throughwith each of the stepsyou're about to learn so that you not only read the chapter, but you producechangesastheresultofreadingit.Let'sbegintolearn...

HOWTOCHANGEANYTHINGINYOURLIFE:THESCIENCEOFNEUROASSOCIATIVECONDITIONING™"Thebeginningofahabitislikeaninvisiblethread,buteverytimewerepeat

theactwe strengthen the strand, add to it another filament, until it becomesagreatcableandbindsusirrevocably,thoughtandact."—ORISONSWETTMARDENIfyouandIwanttochangeourbehaviour,thereisonlyoneeffectivewayto

do it: we must link unbearable and immediate sensations of pain to our oldbehaviour, and incredible and immediate sensations of pleasure to a new one.Thinkabout it thisway:allofus, through theexperienceof life,have learnedcertainpatternsof thinkingandbehaving togetourselvesoutofpainand intopleasure.We all experience emotions like boredom or frustration or anger orfeeling overwhelmed, and develop strategies for ending these feelings. Somepeopleuseshopping;someusefood;someusesex;someusedrugs;someusealcohol; some use yelling at their kids. They know, consciously orunconsciously, that thisneuralpathwaywillrelievetheirpainandtakethemtosome levelofpleasure in themoment.Whatever the strategy, if youand I aregoingtochangeit,wehavetogothroughsixsimplesteps,theoutcomeofwhichistofindamoredirectandempoweringwaytogetoutofpainandintopleasure,waysthatwillbemoreeffectiveandelegant.ThesesixstepsofNACwillshowyou how to create a direct highway out of pain and into pleasure with nodisempoweringdetours.Theyare:NACMASTERSTEP1

DecideWhatYouReallyWantandWhat'sPreventingYouFromHavingItNow.You'dbesurprisedhowmanypeoplecametomeforprivatetherapeuticwork,

andwhen Iasked themwhat theywanted, they'dspend twentyminutes tellingmewhat theydidn'twant,orwhat theynolongerwantedtoexperience.We'vegottorememberthatwegetwhateverwefocusoninlife.Ifwekeepfocusingon what we don't want, we'll have more of it. The first step to creating anychange is deciding what you do want so that you have something to movetoward.Themorespecificyoucanbeaboutwhatyouwant,themoreclarityyouwill have, and themore power youwill command to achieve what youwantmorerapidly.

We also must learn what's preventing us from having what we want.Invariably,what's preventing us frommaking the change is thatwe linkmorepaintomakingachangethantostayingwhereweare.Weeitherhaveabelieflike,"IfIchange,Iwillhavepain,"orwefeartheunknownthatchangemightbring.NACMASTERSTEP2

Get Leverage: Associate Massive Pain to Not Changing Now and MassivePleasuretotheExperienceofChangingNow!Most people know that they really want to change, yet they just can't get

themselvestodoit!Butchangeisusuallynotaquestionofcapability;it'salmostalways a question ofmotivation. If someoneput a gun to our heads and said,"You'dbettergetoutofthatdepressedstateandstartfeelinghappynow,"Ibetanyoneofus could findaway to changeour emotional state for themomentunderthesecircumstances.Buttheproblem,asI'vesaid,isthatchangeisoftenashouldandnotamust.Orit'samust,butit'samustfor"someday."Theonlywaywe'regoingtomakeachange now is if we create a sense of urgency that's so intense that we'recompelled to follow through. If we want to create change, then, we have torealizethatit'snotaquestionofwhetherwecandoit,butratherwhetherwewilldoit.Whetherwewillornotcomesdowntoourlevelofmotivation,whichinturncomesdowntothosetwinpowersthatshapeourlives,painandpleasure.Every change you've accomplished in your life is the result of changing yourneuroassociations aboutwhatmeans pain andwhatmeans pleasure. So often,though,wehaveahardtimegettingourselvestochangebecausewehavemixedemotionsaboutchanging.Ontheonehand,wewanttochange.Wedon'twanttogetcancerfromsmoking.Wedon'twant to lose our personal relationships because our temper is out ofcontrol.Wedon'twantourkidstofeelunlovedbecausewe'reharshwiththem.Wedon'twant to feeldepressed for the restofour livesbecauseof somethingthathappenedinourpast.Wedon'twanttofeellikevictimsanymore.On the other hand, we fear change. We wonder, "What if I stop smokingcigarettes, but I die of cancer anyway and I've given up the pleasure thatcigarettesusedtogiveme?"Or"WhatifIletgoofthisnegativefeelingabouttherape,andithappenstomeagain?"Wehavemixedemotionswherewelinkbothpainandpleasuretochanging,whichcausesourbraintobeuncertainastowhattodo,andkeepsusfromutilizingourfullresourcestomakethekindsofchangesthatcanhappenliterallyinamomentifeveryounceofourbeingwerecommittedtothem.

How do we turn this around? One of the things that turns virtually anyonearound is reaching a pain threshold. Thismeans experiencing pain at such anintenselevelthatyouknowyoumustchangenow—apointatwhichyourbrainsays,"I'vehadit;Ican'tspendanotherday,notanothermoment,livingorfeelingthis way." Have you ever experienced this in a personal relationship, forexample?Youhunginthere,itwaspainfulandyoureallyweren'thappy,butyoustayed in it anyway.Why? You rationalized that it would get better, withoutdoinganything tomake itbetter. Ifyouwere insomuchpain,whydidn'tyouleave?Even thoughyouwereunhappy,your fearof theunknownwas amorepowerfulmotivating force. "Yeah, I'm unhappy now," youmay have thought,"butwhat if I leave thispersonand thenInever findanyone?At least IknowhowtodealwiththepainIhavenow."This kind of thinking is what keeps people from making changes. Finally,though,oneday thepainofbeing in thatnegative relationshipbecamegreaterthan your fear of the unknown, so you hit a threshold andmade the change.Maybe you've done the same thingwith your body,when you finally decidedyou couldn't spend another day without doing something about your excessweight.Maybe the experience that finallypushedyouover the edgewasyourfailuretobeabletosqueezeintoyourfavouritepairofjeans,orthesensationsofyour "thunder thighs" rubbing against each other as you waddled up a set ofstairs!Orjustthesightofthebulbousfoldsofexcessfleshhangingfromthesideofyourbody!THEALPODIET

Recently,awomanattendingaseminartoldmeaboutherfail-safestrategythatshe had developed for shredding unwanted pounds. She and a friend hadcommittedoverandoveragaintolosingweight,butfailedtokeeptheirpromiseeachand every time.Finally, theyboth reached thepointwhere losingweightwasamust.Basedonwhat I taught them, theyneeded some leverage topushthemselvesovertheedge.Theyneededtomakenotkeepingtheirpromisemorepainfulthananythingtheycouldimagine.Theydecidedtocommittoeachotherandagroupoffriendsthatiftheywelshedontheirpromisethistime,theywouldeachhave toeatawholecanofAlpodog food!So, to staveoffanyhintofacraving,thesetwoenterprisingwomentoldeveryoneandkepttheircansinplainviewatall timesasaconstantreminder.Shetoldmethatwhentheystartedtofeel hunger pangs, they'd pick up the can and read the label.With ingredientsboasting "horsemeat chunks," they found no difficulty in sticking to theircommitment.Theyachievedtheirgoalwithoutahitch!Aleverisadevicethatweutilizeinordertoliftormoveatremendousburden

wecouldnototherwisemanage.Leverage isabsolutelycrucial increatinganychange, in freeing yourself from behavioural burdens like smoking, drinking,overeating, cursing, or emotional patterns like feeling depressed, worried,fearful,orinadequate—younameit.Changerequiresmorethanjustestablishingtheknowledgethatyoushouldchange.It'sknowingatthedeepestemotionalandmost basic sensory level that youmust change. If you've triedmany times tomakea changeandyou've failed todo so, this simplymeans that the levelofpainforfailingtochangeisnotintenseenough.Youhavenotreachedthreshold,theultimateleverage.When I was doing private therapy, it was imperative that I find the point ofgreatestleverageinordertohelppeoplemakechangesinonesessionthatyearsof therapy had failed to accomplish. I started every session by saying that Icouldn'tworkwithanyonewhowasn'tcommittedtochangingnow.OneofthereasonswasthatIcharged$3,000forasession,andIdidn'twantthemtoinvesttheir money unless they were absolutely going to get the result they werecommittedto today, in thisonesession.Manytimesthesepeoplehadflowninfrom some other part of the country. The thought of my sending them homewithout handling their problemmotivatedmy clients to spend at least half anhourconvincingmethattheywereindeedcommittedandwoulddoanythingtochange now.With this kind of leverage, creating change became a matter ofcourse. To paraphrase the philosopherNietzsche, hewho has a strong enoughwhy can bear almost any how. I've found that 20 percent of any change isknowing how; but 80 percent is knowing why. If we gather a set of strongenoughreasonstochange,wecanchangeinaminutesomethingwe'vefailedtochangeforyears."Give me a lever long enough. And a prop strong enough. I can single-

handedlymovetheworld."—ARCHIMEDESThegreatestleverageyoucancreateforyourselfisthepainthatcomesfrom

inside, not outside. Knowing that you have failed to live up to your ownstandardsforyourlife is theultimatepain.Ifwefail toact inaccordancewithourownviewofourselves,ifourbehavioursareinconsistentwithourstandards—withtheidentityweholdforourselves—thenthechasmbetweenouractionsandwhowearedrivesustomakeachange.The leverage created by pointing out an inconsistency between someone'sstandards and their behaviour can be incredibly effective in causing them tochange.It'snotjustpressureplacedonthembytheoutsideworld,butpressurebuilt up by themselves fromwithin.One of the strongest forces in the humanpersonalityisthedrivetopreservetheintegrityofourownidentity.

Thereasonsomanyofusseemtobewalkingcontradictionsissimplythatweneverrecognizeinconsistenciesforwhattheyare.Ifyouwanttohelpsomebody,youwon't access thiskindof leveragebymaking themwrongorpointingoutthatthey'reinconsistent,butratherbyaskingthemquestionsthatcausethemtorealizeforthemselvestheirinconsistencies.Thisisamuchmorepowerfulleverthanattackingsomeone. Ifyou try toexertonlyexternalpressure, they'llpushagainstit,butinternalpressureisnexttoimpossibletoresist.Thiskindofpressureisavaluabletooltouseonyourself.Complacencybreedsstagnation; unless you're extremely dissatisfied with your current pattern ofbehavior,youwon'tbemotivatedtomakethechangesthatarenecessary.Let'sface it; the human animal responds to pressure. So why would someone notchangewhentheyfeelandknowthattheyshould?Theyassociatemorepaintomaking the change than to not changing. To change someone, includingourselves,wemustsimplyreversethissothatnotchangingisincrediblypainful(painfulbeyondourthresholdoftolerance),andtheideaofchangingisattractiveandpleasurable!Togettrueleverage,askyourselfpain-inducingquestions:"Whatwillthiscostmeif Idon'tchange?"Mostofusare toobusyestimating thepriceofchange.Butwhat'sthepriceofnotchanging?"UltimatelywhatwillImissoutoninmylifeifIdon'tmaketheshift?Whatisitalreadycostingmementally,emotionally,physically,financially,spiritually?"Makethepainofnotchangingfeelsorealtoyou,sointense,soimmediatethatyoucan'tputofftakingthatactionanylonger.If thatdoesn't createenough leverage, then focusonhow it affectsyour lovedones,yourchildren,andotherpeopleyoucareabout.Manyofuswilldomorefor others thanwe'll do for ourselves. So picture in graphic detail howmuchyourfailuretochangewillnegativelyimpactthepeoplewhoaremostimportanttoyou.Thesecondstep is tousepleasure-associatingquestions tohelpyou link thosepositivesensationstotheideaofchanging."IfIdochange,howwillthatmakemefeelaboutmyself?WhatkindofmomentumcouldIcreateifIchangethisinmy life? What other things could I accomplish if I really made this changetoday?Howwillmyfamilyandfriendsfeel?HowmuchhappierwillIbenow?"Thekeyistogetlotsofreasons,orbetteryet,strongenoughreasons,whythechangeshouldtakeplaceimmediately,notsomedayinthefuture.Ifyouarenotdriventomakethechangenow,thenyoudon'treallyhaveleverage.Now that you've linked pain in your nervous system to not changing, andpleasuretomakingthechange,you'redriventocreateachange,youcanproceedtothethirdmasterstepofNAC....

NACMASTERSTEP3InterrupttheLimitingPattern.In order for us to consistently feel a certainway,we develop characteristic

patternsofthinking,focusingonthesameimagesandideas,askingourselvesthesame questions. The challenge is that most people want a new result, butcontinuetoactinthesameway.Ioncehearditsaidthatthedefinitionofinsanityis"doingthesamethingsoverandoveragainandexpectingadifferentresult."Pleasedon'tmisunderstandme.There'snothingwrongwithyou;youdon'tneedto be "fixed." (And I suggest you avoid anyonewho uses thesemetaphors todescribeyou!)Theresourcesyouneedtochangeanythinginyourlifearewithinyou rightnow. It's just thatyouhavea setofneuroassociations thathabituallycause you to not fully utilize your capability.What youmust do is reorganizeyourneuralpathwayssothattheyconsistentlyguideyouinthedirectionofyourdesiresratherthanyourfrustrationsandfears.To get new results in our lives, we can't just know what we want and getleverage on ourselves.We can be highlymotivated to change, but ifwe keepdoingthesamethings,runningthesameinappropriatepatterns,ourlivesarenotgoingtochange,andallwe'llexperienceismoreandmorepainandfrustration.Haveyoueverseenafly that's trappedinaroom?It immediatelysearchesforthelight,soitheadsforthewindow,smackingitselfagainsttheglassagainandagain, sometimes for hours. Have you ever noticed people do this? They'rehighlymotivatedtochange:theyhaveintenseleverage.Butallthemotivationintheworldwon'thelpifyoutrytogetoutsidethroughaclosedwindow.You'vegot to changeyour approach.The fly stands a chanceonly if it backs off andlooksaroundforanotherexit.Ifyouand I run the sameoldpattern,we'regoing toget the sameold results.Recordalbumscreatethesamesoundsconsistentlybecauseoftheirpattern,thecontinuousgrooveinwhichthesoundisencoded.ButwhatwouldhappenifonedayIpickedupyourrecord,tookaneedle,andscratchedacrossitbackandforthdozensoftimes?IfIdothisenough,there'sapointwhenthepatternissodeeplyinterrupted that the recordwill never play the sameway again.Likewise, justinterrupting someone's limiting pattern of behavior or emotion can completelychangetheirlifebecausesometimesitalsocreatesleverage,andwiththesetwostepsalone,youcanchangevirtuallyanything.TheadditionalstepsofNACarejustawaytomakesurethechangeslastandthatyoudevelopnewchoicesthatareenjoyableandempowering.I created a fun pattern interrupt recently at one of my three-day UnlimitedPower™seminars inChicago.Onemanclaimed thathe reallywanted tokick

his chocolate habit, yet it was clear to me that he received a great deal ofpleasurefromhisidentityasa"chocolateaddict."Infact,hewasevenwearingaT-shirt that proclaimed "I want the world, but I'll settle for chocolate." Thisprovided strong evidence that thisman, although hemay have desired to stopeatingchocolate,alsohadagreatdealof"secondarygain"tomaintainthishabit.Sometimes people want to create a change because a behavior or emotionalpattern creates pain for them.But theymay also derive benefit from the verything they're trying to change. If a person becomes injured, for example, andthensuddenlyeveryonewaitsonthemhandandfoot,givingthemagreatdealofattention,theymayfindthattheirinjuriesdon'thealquiteasquickly.Whiletheywant to be over the pain, unconsciously they want more of the pleasure ofknowingthatpeoplecare.Youcandoeverythingright,butifsecondarygainistoo strong, youwill find yourself going back to the oldways. Someonewithsecondary gain has mixed emotions about changing. They say they want tochange,butoftentheysubconsciouslybelievethatmaintainingtheoldbehaviororemotionalpatterngivesthemsomethingtheycouldn'tgetanyotherway.Thusthey'renotwillingtogiveupfeelingdepressed,eventhoughit'spainful.Why?Becausebeingdepressedgets themattention, for example.Theydon'twant tofeel depressed, but they desperately want attention. In the end, the need forattentionwinsout,and theystaydepressed.Theneedforattention isonlyoneform of secondary gain. In order to resolve this, we have to give the personenoughleveragethattheymustchange,butalsowemustshowthemanewwaytogettheirneedsmet.Whileonsomelevel, I'msure thismanknewheneededtokickchocolate, I'malsofairlycertainthatheknewhecouldusethisopportunitytogetsomeseriousattention.Anytimethereissecondarygaininvolved,youhave tostepup the leverage,soIdecided thatamassivepatterninterruptwouldcreatethenecessaryleverage."Sir!"Iexclaimed."You'retellingmethatyou'rereadytogiveupchocolate.That'sgreat.There'sjustonethingLwantyoutodobeforeweeliminatethatoldpatternforever."Heasked,"What'sthat?"Isaid,"Togetyourbodyintherightcondition,forthenextninedaysyoumusteatnothingbutchocolate.Onlychocolatecanpassyourlips."Peopleintheaudiencestartedgiggling ,and themanlookedatmeuncertainly."CanIdrinkanything?"heasked."Yes,"Isaid,"youcandrink water. Four glasses a day—but that's all. Everything else must bechocolate."Heshruggedhisshouldersandgrinned."Okay,Tony, if that'swhatyouwant. Icando thiswithoutchanging. Ihate tomakea fooloutofyou!" Ismiled and continuedwith the seminar.You should have seenwhat happenednext!Asifbymagic,dozensofchocolatebarsandcandiesmaterializedoutof

people's pockets, purses and briefcases andwere passed down to him.By thelunchbreak,hehadbeen inundatedwithevery lastmorselofchocolate in thatauditorium: Baby Ruths, Butterfingers, Snickers, Milky Ways, M & M's,Almond Joys, Fanny Farmer fudge. He caught my eye in the lobby outside."Thanks, Tony; this is great!" he exclaimed as he unwrapped and poppedHershey'sKissesintohismouth,determinedtoshowthathecould"beatme."Buthefailedtorealizethathewasn't competingwithme—hewas competingwith himself! Iwasmerelyenlistinghisbodyasanallyingettingleverageandbreakinghispattern.Do you knowhow thirsty sugarmakes you?By the end of the day this guy'sthroatwasabsolutelyraw—andhehaddefinitelylosthispassionforchocolateaspeoplecontinuedtoshovelKrackelbarsintohispocketsandpresshispalmswithThinMints.Bytheseconddayhe'ddefinitelylosthissenseofhumor,buthewasn't yet ready to cry uncle. "Have somemore chocolate!" I insisted.HeunwrappedaThreeMusketeersbarandglaredatme.Bythethirdmorning,ashetrailedintotheauditorium,helookedlikeamanwhohad spent all night praying to the porcelain goddess. "Howwas breakfast?" Iaskedaspeoplelaughed."Notsogood,"headmittedweakly."Havesomemore!"Isaid.Feeblyheacceptedanotherpieceofchocolatefromsomeonesittingbehindhim,buthefailedtoopenitorevenlookatit."What'sthematter?"Iaskedhim."Fedup?"Henodded."Comeon,you'rethe chocolate champion!" I goaded. "Have some more! Isn't chocolate thegreatest?How about someMounds bars?And somePeanutM&M's?And awholeboxofRockyRoadfudge?Can'tyou just taste it?Doesn't itmakeyourmouthwater?"ThelongerItalked,thegreenerhegot."Havesomemore!"Isaid,andfinallyheexploded:"YOUCANTMAKEME!"Theaudiencelaugheduproariouslyastheman realized what he'd said. "All right, then. Throw the candy away and sitdown."Later,Icamebacktohim,andassistedhiminselectingempoweringalternativesto the chocolate, layingdown somenewpathways to pleasure thatweremoreempoweringanddidn'trequirehimtoconsumesomethingheknewwasn'tgoodforhim.ThenIreallygot toworkwithhim,conditioningthenewassociationsand helping him replace his old addiction with a smorgasbord of healthfulbehaviors:powerbreathing,exercise,water-richfoods,properfoodcombining,andsoon.HadIcreatedleverageonthisguy?Youbet!Ifyoucangivesomeonepain in theirbody, that'sundeniable leverage.They'lldoanything togetoutofpainandintopleasure.Simultaneously,Ibrokehispattern.Everybodyelsewastrying togethimtostopeatingchocolate. Idemanded thatheeat it!Thatwas

somethingheneverexpected,anditmassivelyinterruptedhispattern.Herapidlylinkedsuchpainfulsensationstotheideaofeatingchocolatethatanewneuralpathwaywaslaiddownovernight,andhisold"HersheyHighway"wasbombedbeyond recognition. When I used to conduct private therapies, people wouldcometoseeme,sitdowninmyofficeandbegintotellmewhattheirproblemwas. They'd say, "My problem is ..." and then they'd burst into tears, out ofcontrol.Assoonasthishappened,Iwouldstandupandshout,"EXCUSEME!"This would jolt them, and then I'd follow up with, "We haven't started yet!"Usuallytheyresponded,"Oh,I'msosorry."Andthey'dimmediatelychangetheiremotional states and regain control. It was hysterical to watch! These peoplewhofelttheyhadnocontrolovertheirliveswouldimmediatelyprovethattheyalreadyknewexactlyhowtochangehowtheyfelt!One of the bestways to interrupt someone's pattern is to do things they don'texpect,thingsthatareradicallydifferentfromwhatthey'veexperiencedbefore.Thinkofsomeofthewaysyoucaninterruptyourownpatterns.Takeamomenttothinkupsomeofthemostenjoyableanddisruptivewaysyoucaninterruptapatternofbeingfrustrated,worried,oroverwhelmed.Nexttimeyoustarttofeeldepressed,jumpup,lookatthesky,andyellinyourmostidiotictoneofvoice,"H-A-L-L-E-L-U-J-A-H!Myfeetdon'tstinktoday!"A stupid, sillymove like thatwill definitely shift your attention, change yourstate, and it will definitely change the states of everyone around you as theybegintorealizethatyou'renolongerdepressed—justcrazy!Ifyouovereatonaregularbasisandwanttostop,I'llgiveyouatechniquethatwill definitelywork, if you'rewilling to commit to it.The next timeyou findyourselfinarestaurantovereating,jumpupinthemiddleoftheroom,pointatyourownchairandscreamat the topofyour lungs,"PIG!"Iguarantee that ifyou do this three or four times in a public place, youwon't overeat anymore!You'lllinktoomuchpaintothisbehavior!Justremember:themoreoutrageousyourapproachtobreakingapattern,themoreeffectiveitwillbe.Oneofthekeydistinctions to interrupting a pattern is that youmust do it in themoment thepatternisrecurring.Patterninterruptshappentouseveryday.Whenyousay,"Ijust lost my train of thought," you're indicating that something or someoneinterruptedyourpatternofconcentration.Haveyoueverbeendeeplyinvolvedina conversation with a friend, had someone interrupt you for a moment, thencomebackwondering,"Wherewerewe?"Ofcourseyouhave,andit'saclassicexampleofapatterninterrupt.Justremember,ifwewanttocreatechangeandwe'velearnedinthepasttogetpleasure by taking a circuitous route that includes a series of negativeconsequences,weneedtobreakthatoldpattern.Weneedtoscrambleitbeyond

recognition,findanewpattern(that'sthenextstep),andconditionitagainandagainuntilitbecomesourconsistentapproach.HOWTOBREAKLIMITINGPATTERNSOFFEELINGANDACTINGAgain, often it's true that interrupting a pattern enough times can change

almost anyone. A simple way of breaking a pattern is by scrambling thesensationswe link to ourmemories.Theonly reasonwe're upset is thatwe'rerepresentingthingsinacertainwayinourminds.Forexample,ifyourbossyellsatyou,andyoumentallyrerunthatexperiencetherestoftheday,picturinghimorheryellingatyouoverandoveragain, thenyou'll feelprogressivelyworse.Whylettheexperiencecontinuetoaffectyou?Whynotjusttakethisrecordinyourmindandscratchitsomanytimesthatyoucan'texperiencethosefeelingsanymore?Maybeyoucanevenmakeitfunny!Trythisrightnowbydoingthefollowing:Thinkofasituationthatmakesyoufeelsad,frustrated,orangry.Nowdothefirst twostepsofNAC,whichwe'vealreadycovered.Ifyoufeelbadnowaboutthesituation,howdoyouwanttobeable to feel?Why do youwant to feel thatway?What's been preventing youfromfeelingthatwayisthesensationsyou'velinkedtothissituation.Wouldn'titbe wonderful if you could feel good about it? Now get some leverage onyourself. If you don't change how you feel about this situation, howwill youcontinue to feel? Pretty lousy, I'll bet! Do you want to pay that price andcontinually carry around these negative sensations or upsets you have towardthispersonorsituation?Ifyouweretochangenow,wouldn'tyoufeelbetter?

THESCRAMBLEPATTERN

You'vegotenough leverage;nowscramble thedisempoweringfeelingsuntiltheynolongercomeup.Afterreadingthis,takethefollowingsteps.1)Seethesituationinyourmindthatwasbotheringyousomuch.Pictureitasamovie.Don't feelupsetabout it; justwatch itone time, seeingeverything thathappened.2)Takethatsameexperienceandturnitintoacartoon.Situpinyourchairwithabig,sillygrinonyourface,breathingfully,andruntheimagebackwardasfastas you can so that you can see everything happening in reverse. If somebodysaidsomething,watchthemswallowtheirwords!Letthemovierunbackwardinveryfastmotion, thenrun it forwardagain inevenfastermotion.Nowchangethecolorsoftheimagessothateverybody'sfacesarerainbow-colored.Ifthere'ssomeone inparticularwhoupsetsyou,cause theirears togrowvery large likeMickeyMouse's,andtheirnosetogrowlikePinocchio's.Dothisatleastadozentimes, back and forth, sideways, scratching the record of your imagery withtremendousspeedandhumor.Createsomemusic inyourmindasyoudo this.Maybeit'syourfavoritesong,ormaybesometypeofcartoonmusic.Linktheseweirdsoundstotheoldimagethatusedtoupsetyou.Thiswilldefinitelychangethesensations.Keytothiswholeprocessisthespeedatwhichyouplaybacktheimageryandthelevelofhumorandexaggerationyoucanlinktoit.3)Nowthinkaboutthesituationthatwasbotheringyou,andnoticehowyoufeelnow. If done effectively, you'll easily have broken the pattern somany timesyou'llfinditdifficultorimpossibletogetbackintothosenegativefeelings.Thiscanbedonewiththingsthathavebeenbotheringyouforyears.It'softenamuchmore effective approach than trying to analyze thewhy's andwherefore's of asituation, which doesn't change the sensations you link to the situation. Assimplisticasitseems,effectivelyscramblingasituationwillworkinmostcases,evenwhere trauma has been involved.Why does itwork?Because all of ourfeelingsarebasedontheimageswefocusoninourmindsandthesoundsandsensations we link to those specific images. As we change the images andsounds, we change how we feel. Conditioning this again and again makes itdifficulttogetbackintotheoldpattern.One way of breaking the pattern is to Just stop doing something, go "coldturkey."Ifyoustoprunningapatternagainandagain, theneuralpathwaywillgradually dissipate. Once a neural connection is made, the brain will always

have a pathway, but unless the path is used, it becomes overgrown. Likeanythingelse,ifyoudon'tuseit,youbegintoloseit.Nowthatyou'vebrokenthepatternthathasbeenholdingyouback,younowhavetheopenspaceto...NACMASTERSTEP4

CreateaNew,EmpoweringAlternative.Thisfourthstepisabsolutelycriticaltoestablishinglong-termchange.Infact,

thefailurebymostpeopletofindanalternativewayofgettingoutofpainandintothefeelingsofpleasureisthemajorreasonmostpeople'sattemptsatchangeare only temporary.Many people get to the pointwhere they have to change,wherechangeisamust,becausetheylinksomuchpaintotheiroldpatternandtheylinkpleasuretotheideaofchanging.Theyeveninterrupttheirpatterns.Butafterthat,theyhavenothingtoreplacetheoldpattern!Remember,allofyourneurologicalpatternsaredesignedtohelpyougetoutofpainandintopleasure.Thesepatternsarewellestablished,andwhiletheymayhavenegativesideeffects,ifyou'velearnedthatahabitcangetyououtofpain,you'llgobacktoitagainandagainsinceyou'vefoundnobetterwaytogetthefeelingsyoudesire.Ifyou'vebeenfollowingeachoneofthesesteps,you'vegottenclearaboutwhatyouwantedandwhatwaspreventingyoufromgettingit,you'vegottenleverageonyourself,you'veinterruptedthepattern,andnowyouneedtofillthegapwithanewsetofchoicesthatwillgiveyouthesamepleasurablefeelingswithoutthenegative side effects. Once you quit smoking, youmust come upwith a newway,oralotofnewways,toreplacewhateverbenefitsyouusedtogetfromtheoldbehavior;thebenefitsoftheoldfeelingsorbehaviorsmustbepreservedbythenewbehaviorsorfeelingswhileeliminating thesideeffects.Whatcanyoureplaceworrywith?Howaboutmassiveactiononaplanyouhaveformeetingyourgoals?Depressioncanbereplacedwithafocusonhowtohelpotherswhoareinneed.Ifyou'renotsurehowtogetyourselfoutofpainandtofeelpleasureas a replacement to your smoking, drinking, worrying, or other undesirableemotionorbehavior,youcansimplyfindtheanswersbymodelingpeoplewhohave turned things around for themselves. Find people who have made thelastingchanges;Iguaranteeyou'llfindthattheyhadanalternativetoreplacetheoldbehavior.A good example of this is my friend Fran Tarkenton.When Fran and I firststarteddoingmyPersonalPowertelevisionshowstogether,hehadahabit thattrulysurprisedme.Hewasaddictedtochewingtobacco.I'dbeinameetingwithFran, and suddenly he would turn his head and spit. This did not match mypictureofthispowerfulandelegantman.Buthe'dbeendoingitforovertwenty

years. As Fran would tell me later, chewing tobacco was one of his greatestpleasuresinlife.Itwaslikehisbestfriend.Ifhewasontheroadandfeltalone,hecouldchew tobacco,andhewouldn't feelaloneanymore. In fact,he toldagroupofhisfriendsonetimethatifhehadtochoosebetweensexandchewingtobacco,he'dchewtobacco!How'sthatforafalseneuroassociation?He'dwireda pathway out of pain and into pleasure via the highway of chewing tobacco.Afteryearsofcontinualuseandreinforcement,hehadcreatedaneuraltrunklinefromtobaccotopleasure;thus,thiswashisfavoriterouteofchange.What got him to change his behavior? Finally, he got enough leverage onhimself.Oneday,withalittlehelpfrom"afriend,"hebegantoseethatchewingtobacco was massively incongruent with the quality of man he'd become. Itrepresentedalackofcontroloverhislife,andsincebeinginchargeofhislifeisoneofFran'shighestvalues,thatwasastandardhecouldnotbreak.Itwastoopainful to be in that position. He started to direct his mind's focus to thepossibility of mouth cancer. He pictured it vividly until pretty soon he wasdrivenawayfromtheideaofusingtobacco.Thetasteofitstartedtodisgusthim.These images helped him to get leverage on himself and interrupt the patternhe'dpreviouslylinkedtousingtobaccoforpleasure.ThenextmostimportantkeywasthatFranfoundnewwaystogetpleasurethatwereevenmoreeffectivethantobacco.Hepouredhimselfintohisbusinesslikenever before, and started producing results that have made his company,KnowledgeWare, one of themost successful computer software companies onWall Street. Evenmore powerfully, now that he needed a new companion, hedecidedtoattractarealone,andfoundthewomanofhisdreamsandlearnedtoget the kinds of emotions and feelings from his relationship with her that hecouldnevergetfromanyothersource.Often, ifwe just break our old patterns enough, our brainswill automaticallysearchfora replacementpattern togiveus thefeelingswedesire.This iswhypeoplewho finally break the pattern of smoking sometimes gainweight: theirbrainslookforanewwaytocreatethesamekindsofpleasurablefeelings,andnow they eatmass quantities of food to get them. The key, then, is for us toconsciously choose the new behaviors or feelings with which we're going toreplacetheoldones.

STUDIESINTRANSFORMATION

AstatisticalstudywasconductedbyresearcherNancyMann toevaluate thelevel of rehabilitation in reformed drug abusers, and the adoption of areplacementbehaviorappearstoplayamajorroleeveninthiscomplexfieldofchange. The first group in the study was forced to give up their addictionthroughsomeexternalpressure,oftenappliedbythelegalsystem.Aswetalkedabout in the sectionon leverage, external pressure rarelyhas a lasting impact.Sureenough, thesemenandwomenreturned to theiroldhabitsassoonas thepressurewaslifted,i.e.,assoonastheywerereleasedfromjail.Asecondgrouptruly wanted to quit, and tried to do so on their own. Their leverage wasprimarily internal. As a result, their behavioral changes lasted a great deallonger,oftenasmuchastwoyearsaftertheinitialcommitment.Whateventuallycaused a relapse was suffering a significant amount of stress. When thisoccurred,theyoftenrevertedbacktotheirdrughabitasawayofgettingoutofpainandintopleasure.Why?Becausetheyhadnotfoundareplacementfortheold neural pathway. The third group replaced their addiction with a newalternative,somethingthatgavethemthefeelingstheyhadsoughtoriginally—orperhaps something that made them feel even better. Many found fulfillingrelationships, spiritual enlightenment, a career that they could be completelypassionateabout.Asaresult,manyneverreturnedtotheolddrughabits,andthemajoritylastedanaverageofovereightyearsbeforeanybackslidingoccurred.The peoplewho succeeded in kicking their drug habits followed the first fourstepsofNAC,andthat'swhytheyweresosuccessful.Someofthemlastedonlyeightyears,however.Why?Becausetheydidn'tutilizethefifthandcriticalstepofNAC.NACMASTERSTEP5ConditiontheNewPatternUntilIt'sConsistent.Conditioning is theway tomakesure that achangeyoucreate is consistent

and lasts long-term. The simplest way to condition something is simply torehearse it again and again until a neurologicalway is created. If you find anempoweringalternative,imaginedoingituntilyouseethatitcangetyououtofpainandintopleasurequickly.Yourbrainwillbegintoassociatethisasanewwayofproducingthisresultonaconsistentbasis.Ifyoudon'tdothis,you'llgoback to theoldpattern. Ifyou rehearse thenew,empoweringalternativeagainandagainwithtremendousemotionalintensity,you'llcarveoutapathway,and

with evenmore repetition and emotion, itwill become a highway to this newway of achieving results, and itwill become a part of your habitual behavior.Remember, your brain can't tell the difference between something you vividlyimagineandsomethingyouactuallyexperience.Conditioningensures thatyouautomaticallytravelalongthenewroute,thatifyouspotoneofthe"offramps"you used to take all the time, now you just speed past them—in fact, they'llactuallybecomedifficulttotake.The power of conditioning can't be overestimated. I read recently thatBostonCeltics great Larry Bird was doing a soft-drink commercial in which he wassupposedtomissajumpshot.Hemadeninebasketsinarowbeforehecouldgethimself tomiss! That's how strongly he's conditioned himself over the years.When that ball hits his hands, he automatically goes through a pattern that isaimed at putting the ball through the hoop. I'm sure that if you examined theportionofLarryBird'sbrainthatislinkedtothatmotion,youwoulddiscoverasubstantial neural pathway.Realize that you and I can condition any behaviorwithinourselvesifwedoitwithenoughrepetitionandemotionalintensity.Thenextstep is tosetupaschedule toreinforceyournewbehavior.Howcanyourewardyourselfforsucceeding?Don'twaituntilyou'vegoneayearwithoutsmoking. When you've gone a day, give yourself a reward! Don't wait untilyou'velosteightypounds.Don'tevenwaituntilyou'velostapound.Theminuteyoucanpushtheplateawaywithfoodstillonit,giveyourselfapatontheback.Set up a series of short-termgoals, ormilestones, and as you reach each one,immediately reward yourself. If you've been depressed or worried, now eachtime you take action instead of worrying, or each time you smile whensomebodyaskshowyou'redoingandyousay,"Great,"giveyourselfa rewardforalreadybeginning tomake thechangesnecessary toensureyour long-termsuccess.Inthisway,yournervoussystemlearnstolinkgreatpleasuretochange.Peoplewhowant to loseweight don't always see immediate results—usually losing acoupleofpoundsdoesn'tmiraculouslytransformyouintoanElleMcPhersonoraMelGibson. So it's important to reward yourself as soon as you take somespecific actionsormake anypositive emotional progress, like choosing to runaroundtheblockinsteadofrunningtothenearestMcDonald's.Ifyoudon't,youmayfindyourselfsaying,"Okay,I'velostapoundsofar,butI'mstillfat.Thiswill take forever. I have such a longway to go ..."Thenyoumight use theseshort-term assessments as excuses to binge. Understanding the power ofreinforcementwillspeeduptheprocessofconditioninganewpattern.RecentlyIhadthepleasureofreadinganexcellentbookthatIhighlyrecommendtothosewho really want tomake a thorough study of conditioning. It's entitledDon't

Shoot theDog!byKarenPryor.Thisbook sets forth some simpledistinctionsabout modifying animal behavior that parallel my own distinctions gained inyearsofshapinghumanbehavior.What'sfascinatingishowsimilaranimalsandhumansareintermsoftheforcesthatdriveouractions.Knowingthefundamentalsofconditioningenablesustotakecontrolofthoseforcesandcreatethedestinyofourchoice.Wecanlivelikeanimals,manipulated by circumstances and those around us—orwe can learnfromtheselaws,usingthemtomaximizeourfullestpotential.Pryordiscussesinherbookhowshelearnedtoutilizepaintotrainanimalsforyears:whipsandachair for lions, the bridle for horses, the leash for dogs. But she ran intodifficultywhenshebegantoworkwithdolphins,becausewhenshetriedtogivethempain, they just swamaway!This causedher todevelopamore thoroughunderstandingofthedynamicsofpositivereinforcementtraining."There isnothing trainingcannotdo.Nothing isabove its reach. It can turn

badmoralstogood;itcandestroybadprinciplesandrecreategoodones;itcanliftmentoangelship."MARKTWAINThe first organizing principle of any type of "Success Conditioning" is the

powerofreinforcement.YouandImustknowthat inorder togetourselves toconsistently produce any behavior or emotion, we must create a conditionedpattern. All patterns are the result of reinforcement; specifically, the key tocreatingconsistencyinouremotionsandbehaviorsisconditioning.

THELAWOFREINFORCEMENT

Anypatternofemotionorbehaviorthatiscontinuallyreinforcedwillbecomean automatic and conditioned response. Anything we fail to reinforce willeventually dissipate. We can reinforce our own behavior or someone else'sthroughpositivereinforcement,thatis,everytimeweproducethebehaviorwewant,wegiveareward.Thatrewardcanbepraise,agift,anewfreedom,etc.Orwecanusenegativereinforcement.Thismightbeafrown,aloudnoise,orevenphysicalpunishment. It's crucial forus tounderstand that reinforcement isnotthesameaspunishmentandreward.Reinforcementisrespondingtoabehaviorimmediately after it occurs, while punishment and reward may occur longafterward.Appropriate timing is absolutely critical to effective conditioning. If a coachyells,"Great!"whenthebasketballteamexecutesaperfectpick-and-roll,ithasalotmoreimpact thanifhewaiteduntil theydebriefedlater inthelockerroom.Why?Becausewe alwayswant to link the sensations of reinforcement in thepattern that is occurring.One of the problemswith our judicial system is thatwhenpeoplecommitcriminalacts,theyaresometimesnotpunisheduntilyearslater. Intellectually they may know the reason for their punishment, but thepatternofbehaviorthatgeneratedthisprobleminthefirstplaceisstillintact—ithasnotbeeninterrupted,nordoesithaveanypainlinkedtoit.Thisistheonlywaytotrulychangeourbehaviorsandemotionslongterm.Wemust train our brains to do the things that are effective, not intellectually butneurologically. The challenge, of course, is that most of us don't realize thatwe'reallconditioningeachotherandshapingeachother'sbehaviorsconstantly.Often,we'reconditioningpeoplenegativelyinsteadofpositively.AsimpleexampleofthisoccurredwithmydaughterJolie'sex-boyfriend.Joliewasverybusywithschool,dance,andaplayshewasin.Hewantedhertocallhimeverysingleday,andwhenshemissedafewdaysandthencalledhim,hegave her tremendous amounts of pain. He clearly wanted her to call morefrequently,yethisstrategyforreinforcementwastobadgerandberateherwhenshedidcall.Have you ever been guilty of this? If you want your boyfriend, girlfriend,spouse,orsignificantothertocallyoumoreoften,howeffectivedoyouthinkitwouldbetonagthemtocall?Whentheyfinallydocall,doyougreetthemwithstatements like, "Oh, so you finally picked up the phone!Willwonders never

cease?WhydoIalwayshavetobe theonewhomakes thecall?"Whatyou'redoingistraininghimorhernottocallyou!You'regivingpainrightaftertheydotheverythingyouwant.Whatwillhappenasaresultofthis?Painwillbelinkedtocallingyou;heorshewillavoiditevenmoreinthefuture.InJolie'scase,thispatternwascontinuous,goingonformonthsuntilJoliefeltthatshecouldn'twin.If she didn't call, she'd get pain. If she did call, she'd get pain.As youmightguess, this pattern of negative reinforcement permeatedmany aspects of theirrelationshipand,eventually,therelationshipended.If you truly want someone to call you, then when they do call, you need torespondwithdelight.Ifyoutellthemhowmuchyoumissthem,howmuchyoulove them,howgratefulyouare to talkwith them,doyouthink that they'llbemoreinclinedtocallagain?Remember,linkpleasuretoanybehavioryouwantsomeone to repeat. Inmyconsultingwith companies across theUnitedStates,I'venotedthatmostcompaniestrytomotivatetheiremployeesbyusingnegativereinforcementas theirprimary strategy, trying touse fearofpunishmentas itsprime motivator. This will work in the short term, but not in the long term.Soonerorlater,companiesrunintothesameproblemsthateasternEuropehas:peoplewillliveinfearonlyforsolongbeforetheyrevolt.Thesecondmajorstrategycompaniesuseisfinancialincentives.Whilethisisanexcellent idea and is usually appreciated, there is a limit to its effectiveness.Thereisapointofdiminishingreturnatwhichalltheadditionalincentivesdon'treallyinduceagreaterqualityofworkfrompeople.Infact,mostcompaniesfindthat there'sa limit towhat theycando in thisarea. Ifoneconstantly reinforceswithmoney,peoplebegintoexpectthatwhentheydosomethingofgreatvalue,theymusthavean immediateeconomicreturn.Theybegin toworkstrictly forfinancial reward and won't do anything unless they get it, surpassing andstrippingthecapacityofthebusinesstokeepupwiththeeconomicdemandsofitsemployees.The third and most powerful way to motivate people is through personaldevelopment.Byhelpingyouremployees togrowandexpandpersonally, theybegintofeelpassionateaboutlife,people,andtheirjobs.Thismakesthemwantto contribute more. They do it out of a sense of personal pride rather thanpressure from the outside. This doesn't mean you shouldn't have an incentiveprogram;justmakesureyouhavethemostpowerfulincentiveofall,whichistohelppeopleexpandandgrow."Good and evil, reward and punishment, are the onlymotives to a rational

creature:thesearethespurandreinswherebyallmankindaresetonwork,andguided."

JOHNLOCKESCHEDULEYOURREINFORCEMENTSOCHANGELASTS!When you're beginning to establish a new behavior or a new emotional

pattern, it's very important that you reinforce yourself or anyone else you'retrying to establish these new patterns for. In the beginning, every time youperformthedesiredbehavior(forexample,pushingaplateawaywithfoodstillonit),youneedtogiveyourselfacknowledgement—pleasurablereinforcementofatypethatyoutrulywillappreciateandenjoy.However,ifyoureinforcethebehavior every time thereafter, eventually your rewards will no longer beeffectiveorappreciated.Whatatonetimewasauniqueandenjoyablesurprisewillbecomeanexpectednorm.Because of my commitment to help those in need, whenever I go throughairports, I invariably give to those who request money. I'll never forget oneparticulargentlemanwhohadstakedhisclaiminaparticularspotinfrontofaterminal I frequented.Every time Icameby, Igavehimsomemoney.Ononemorning, I was very rushed and had no money in my pocket. As I walkedquickly by, I smiled and said, "Hello! I'm sorry, but I don't have any moneytoday."HebecameangrybecauseIwasnolongergivinghimsomethingthatheoncewasthrilledtoreceivefromme.YouandIneedtorememberthattheelementofpleasantsurpriseisoneofthemost enjoyable experiences that a human being can have. It's so much moreimportant thanmost of us realize. This is the very reasonwhy, if youwant abehaviortolastlong-term,it'sinvaluablethatyouunderstandandutilizewhat'sknownasavariablescheduleofreinforcement.Letmegiveyoua simpleexample fromdolphin training. In thebeginning, totrainadolphintojump, trainerswaitfor thedolphintojumponitsown.Theycatchtheanimalsdoingsomethingrightandthenrewarditwithafish.Bydoingthiseach time thedolphin jumpson itsown, thedolphineventuallymakes theneuroassociation that ifhe jumps,he'llgeta fish.Thispairingofpleasure toabehavior that the trainer desires allows the trainer to condition the dolphin tojumpagainandagain.Eventually, though, the trainerwill give the fishonlywhen thedolphin jumpshigher. By slowly raising the standards, the trainer can shape the dolphin'sbehavior.Here'sthekey:ifthedolphinisalwaysre-warded,hemaybecomehabituatedandwillnolongergive100percent.So,inthe future, the dolphin is rewarded sometimes after the first jump or perhapsafterthefifth,orafterthesecond.Adolphinisneversurewhichjumpwillberewarded.Thissenseofanticipationthatareward

may be given, coupledwith the uncertainty as towhich trywill be rewarded,causesthedolphintoconsistentlygiveitsfulleffort.Therewardisnevertakenforgranted.This is the identical force thatdrivespeople togamble.Once they'vegambledandbeenrewarded—andlinkedintensepleasuretothereward—thatexcitementandanticipationpushesthemtogoforward.Whentheyhaven'tbeenrewardedinawhile,oftentheyhaveanevenstrongersense that this time they'll be rewarded. What drives the gambler is thepossibilityofwinningagain.Ifapersonweretogamblewithouteverreceivingareward, they would give up. However, receiving just a few small rewards,winningjustafewhands,"earning"backjustsomeoftheirmoney,keepstheminastateofanticipationthattheycouldhitthejackpot.Thisiswhypeoplewhodiscontinueabadhabit(likesmokingorgambling)foraperiod of months, and then decide to have "just one more hit," are actuallyreinforcingtheverypatternthatthey'retryingtobreakandmakingitmuchmoredifficulttobefreeofthehabitforalifetime.Ifyousmokeonemorecigarette,you'restimulatingyournervoussystemtoexpectthatinthefutureyou'llrewardyourselfthiswayagain.You'rekeepingthatneuroassociationhighlyactiveand,infact,strengtheningtheveryhabityou'retryingtobreak!Ifyouwanttoreinforceaperson'sbehaviorlongterm,youmaywanttoutilizewhat's known as a fixed schedule of reinforcement. In her book,Karen Pryordescribes trainingadolphin tomake ten jumps. Inorder tomakesure that thedolphin consistently jumps ten times, you'llwant to reward themon the tenthjump each and every time. You can't demand too many behaviors beforereinforcementoccurs,butifthedolphinisrewardedonlyonthetenthjump,thedolphin soon learns that it does not need to make as great an effort on thepreviousninejumps,andqualitydeclines.Thisisthesamereactionwemightseeinpeoplewhoreceiveapaycheckeverytwo weeks. Employees know there are certain things expected of them, forwhich they receive regular compensation. The challenge is that many peoplelearntodoonlytheminimumnecessarytoreceivetherewardbecausethere isno surprise. In theworkplace, pay is expected, of course.But if it is the onlyreward,thenworkerswilldoonlywhatisexpectedandtheminimumtheycando for the pay. However, if there are occasional surprises—like recognition,bonuses,promotions,andotherperks—thentheywillputforththeextraeffort,inhopesandanticipationthatthey'llberewardedandacknowledged.Remember,thesesurprisesmustnotbepredictable,ortheybecomeineffectiveandtakenforgranted—thisexpectationwilldrivethebehavior.Vary your rewards, and you'll see greater results in making change within

yourselforanyoneyou'remanaging.Thereisathirdtoolforreinforcementthatcanalsobeused:it'sknownasthejackpot.Ajackpotcanhelpyoutocompoundthereinforcement. If, forexample,onceinararewhileyougiveadolphinnotonlyonefish,butthreeorfour,foritsbehavior,itmakesthedolphinanticipateevenmorethatifitjustputsoutthatextraeffort,theremightbeahugereward.Thiscompelsthedolphintoconsistentlygivemoreofitself.Humanbeingsrespondsimilarly.Oftenincompanies,whenpeoplearegivenareward that's much greater than anticipated, it can create great motivation tocontinue togivegreat service in the futurewith theanticipation that theymayreceiveanevengreater reward.This sameprinciple canwork likemagicwithyourchildren!CREATEA"JUMP-START"Thejackpotprinciplecanalsobeusedwithsomeonewho'snotmotivatedto

produceanyresultswhatsoever.Again,ifdolphintrainershaveananimalwhichtheyseem tobeunable tomotivateatall, theywill sometimesgive it adozenfish,eventhoughithasdonenothingtoearnit.Thepleasurethatthiscreatesissometimes enough to break the dolphin's old pattern and put it into a state ofsuchpleasure that it thenbecomeswilling tobe trained.Again, humanbeingsaresimilar.Ifsomeonewhoseemsnottohavedoneanythingrightissuddenlygiven a reward, just out of compassion and caring, this can stimulate them totakeonnewlevelsandtypesofbehaviorandperformance.The most important thing to remember about conditioning, however, is toreinforce the desired behavior immediately. The minute you find yourselfresponding playfully to what used to frustrate you, reinforce yourself. Do itagain and create evenmore pleasure. Laugh a bit. Remember, each time youcreate a strong emotional feeling, either positiveor negative, you're creating aconnection inyournervous system. Ifyou repeat thatpatternagainandagain,visualizing the same imagery thatmakes you feel strong ormakes you laugh,you'llfinditeasiertobestrongortolaughinthefuture.Thepatternwillbewellestablished.Theminuteyou,oranyoneyouwant toreinforce,doessomethingright,createanimmediatereward.Reinforceitconsistentlywiththekindofrewardthatyou,orthatindividual,personallywantordesiremost.Giveyourselftheemotionalrewardofturningonyourfavoritemusicorsmilingor seeing yourself accomplishing your goals. Conditioning is critical. This ishowwe produce consistent results. Once again, remember that any pattern ofemotional behavior that is reinforced or rewarded on a consistent basis willbecome conditioned and automatic. Any pattern that we fail to reinforce will

eventuallydissipate.Nowthatyou'veaccomplishedthefirstfivesteps,let'sgotothefinalstep....NACMASTERSTEP6

TestIt!Let'sreviewwhatyou'veaccomplished:you'vedecideduponthenewpattern

of emotion or behavior that you desire; you've gotten leverage on yourself tochangeit;you'veinterruptedtheoldpattern;you'vefoundanewalternative;andyou'veconditionedituntilit'sconsistent.Theonlystepleftistotestittomakesure that it's going towork in the future.Oneof theways of doing this that'staughtinNeuro-LinguisticProgrammingis"futurepacing."Thismeansthatyouimaginethesituationthatusedtofrustrateyou,forexample,andnoticeifinfactitstillmakesyoufeelfrustratedorifyournewpatternoffeeling"fascinated"hasreplaced it. If normally you still have this urge to smoke every time you feeloverwhelmed, imagine yourself in an overwhelming situation and notice ifinstead you have an urge to read or run or whatever new alternative you'veconditioned.Byimaginingthesamestimulithatusedtotriggeryouroldemotionor behavior and noting that you do feel certain that your new empoweringalternativeisautomatic,youwillknowthatthisnewpatternwillworkforyouinthefuture.Inaddition,youmusttesttheecologyofthechangeyou'vejustmade.Theword"ecology" implies the study of consequences. What will the impact of thesechangesyou'vemade inyourselfhaveon thosearoundyou?Will theysupportyourbusinessandpersonalrelationships?Makecertainthatthisnewpatternwillbeappropriate,basedonyourcurrentlifestyle,beliefs,andvalues.On the next page is a simple checklist that you can use to help yourself becertainthatyournewsuccesspatternwilllastandthatit'sappropriate.If your attempt at creating this patterndidn't last, youneed to recycle back toStep1.Areyoureallyclearaboutwhatyouwantandwhyyouwantit?Review Step 2; most people who've tried unsuccessfully to make a changeusuallydon'thaveenoughleverage.Youmayneedtomakeapubliccommitmentinordertogetmoreleverageonyourself.Makeittothosepeoplewhowillnotletyouoffthehook!If you feel that there's enough leverage, check Step 3: if you knowwhat youwantandyou'vegotenough leverage, it'sverypossible thatyou're like the flybeatingitselfrepeatedlyagainstthewindowpane.You'vedonethesamethingsoverandoveragain,withmoreandmoreintensity,butyouhaven'tchangedyourapproach.Youmustinterruptyourpattern.Ifyoufeelthatallthesestepsareinplace,gotoStep4.Ifyoureffortsstillhavenotproducedachange,you'redearly

demonstratingthatyou'veleftoutthisstep.Findanew,empoweringalternativefor getting yourself out of pain and into pleasure that is as powerful andconvenient asyourold approachwas.All thismeans is that younowhave anopportunitytoexplorebeingalittlemorecreative.Findarolemodel-somebodyelsewho'sbeenabletoeliminatethishabitornegativesetofemotionsthatyouwanttochange.THEECOLOGYCHECK

1.Makecertainpainisfullyassociatedwiththeoldpattern.Whenyouthinkofyouroldbehaviororfeelings,doyoupictureandfeelthingsthatarepainfulnowinsteadofpleasurable?2. Make certain pleasure is fully associated with the new pattern.When youthinkofyournewbehavioror feelings,doyoupictureandfeel things thatarepleasurablenowinsteadofpainful?3. Align with your values, beliefs, and rules. Is the new behavior or feelingconsistentwiththevalues,beliefs,andrulesinyourlife?(Wewilldiscusstheseinlaterchapters.)4.Makesurethebenefitsoftheoldpatternhavebeenmaintained.Willthenewbehavioror feeling still allowyou togetbenefitsand feelingsofpleasure thatyouusedtogetfromtheoldpattern?5. Future pace—Imagine yourself behaving in this new way in the future.Imagine the thing thatwouldhave triggeredyou toadopt theoldpattern.Feelcertainthatyoucanuseyournewpatterninsteadoftheoldone.If you've started to make a change, but then not followed through, you

obviously haven't reinforced your pattern with enough pleasure. Use Step 5,conditioning.Utilizebothvariableandfixedschedulesofreinforcementtomakesurethatyournew,empoweringpatternlasts.ThesixstepsofNACcanbeusedforanything:challengeswithrelationships,problemsinbusiness,beingstuckinapatternofyellingatyourchildren.Let'ssayyouworrytoomuchaboutthingsoverwhichyouhavenocontrol.Howcanyouuse thesixsteps tochange thisdisempoweringpattern?1)Askyourself,"WhatdoIwanttodoinsteadofworry?"2)Get leverage on yourself and realizewhatworry does to destroy your life.Bringittoathreshold;seewhatitwouldcostyouultimatelyinyourlifesothatyou're not willing to pay that price anymore. Imagine the joy of getting thismonkeyoffyourbackandbeingtrulyfreeonceandforall!3)Interruptthepattern!Everytimeyouworry,breakthepatternbybeingtotallyoutrageous.Stickyour finger upyournose, or belt out "Oh,What aBeautifulMorning!"atthetopofyourlungs.

4)Createanempoweringalternative.Whatwillyoudo insteadofworry?Pulloutyourjournalandwritedownaplanofwhatyoucandoimmediatelyinstead.Maybe you can go for a run, andwhile you're running, you can think of newsolutions.5)Conditionthenewpattern;vividlyimagineandrehearsethisnewpatternwithtremendousemotionalintensityandrepetitionuntilthisnewthought,behaviororemotional pattern is automatic.Reinforce yourself by taking the first step: seeyourselfsucceedingagainandagain.Seeingtheresultsinadvancecangiveyouthepleasureyoudesire.Again,userepetitionandemotionalintensitytoconditionthenewpatternuntilit'sconsistent.6)Testitandseeifitworks.Thinkaboutthesituationthatusedtoworryyou,andseethatyounolongerworryinthissituation.YoucanevenusethesesamesixmasterstepsofNACtonegotiateacontract.1)The first step is to lay thegroundwork.Getclearaboutwhatyouwantandwhat has prevented you from getting it. What does the other person want?What'sinitforbothofyou?Howwillyouknowyouhaveasuccessfulcontract?2)Get leveragebygetting thatperson to linkpain tonotmaking thedeal,andpleasuretomakingit.3)Interruptthepatternofanybelieforideathat'skeepingthedealfrommovingahead.4)Createanalternativethatneitherofyouthoughtofbeforethatwillmeetbothyourneeds.5) Reinforce that alternative by constantly reinforcing the pleasure and thepositiveimpactofthisalternative.6) See if it's going to work out for everybody, a win-win situation. If so,negotiatetoasuccessfulconclusion.Thesameprinciplescanbeusedtogetthekidstocleantheirrooms,improvethequality of your marriage, boost your company's level of quality, get moreenjoymentoutofyourjob,andmakeyourcountryabetterplacetolive.By theway, sometimesourkidsuse these samesix stepsonus inabbreviatedform. Remember what I said: if you get enough leverage and interruptsomebody'spatternstronglyenough,they'llfindanewpatternandconditionit.Afriendofmine triedalmosteverythingheknewtostopsmoking.Finallyhispatternwasbroken.How?Hissix-year-olddaughterwalkedinonedaywhilehewaslightingup.Sheknewwhatshewanted,shehadmassiveleverage,andsheinterruptedhispatternbycrying,"Daddy,pleasestopkillingyourself!""Honey," he said, "what are you talking about?What's wrong?" She repeatedherself.Hesaid,"Honey,I'mnotkillingmyself."Shenoddedherhead,pointed

tothecigaretteandsobbed,"Daddy,pleasestopkillingyourself!Iwantyoutobethere...whenIgetm-a-r-r-i-e-d..."Thiswasamanwho'dtriedtoquitdozensoftimes,andnothinghadworked—untilthen.Thecigaretteswereoutthedoorthatday,andhehasn'tsmokedsince.Withhisheartstringsfirmlygraspedinhertinyhands,sheinstantlygotwhatshewanted.Since thenhe's foundmany alternatives to smoking that givehim thesamepleasurablesensations.If all you do is the first three steps of NAC, that may be enough to createtremendouschange.Onceyou'vedecidedwhatyouwant,gained leverage,andinterrupted the pattern, life often provides you with new ways of looking atthings.Andiftheleverageisstrongenough,you'llbecompelledtofindanewpatternandcondition it—andyoucanprettymuchcounton theworld togiveyou the test.Nowyouhave theNACofchange!Thekey is touse it.Butyouwon'tunlessyouknowwhatyou'reusing it for.You'vegot toknowwhatyoutrulydesire;youmustfind...

HOWTOGETWHATYOUREALLYWANT"Allemotionsarepurewhichgatheryouandliftyou

up;thatemotionisimpurewhichseizesonlyonesideofyourbeingandsodistortsyou."tIAlKTCD1JADTA0I1VCRAINERMARIAR1LKE"Gimmemy first attack."* Elvis Presley always called for his first hit this

way, fulfilling a bizarre daily ritual designed to make sure the King ofHeartbreakHotelgottosleepafterastrenuousnightperforming.Elvis'sassistantwould open the first envelope and give him "the usual": a rainbow-coloredassortmentofbarbiturates(Amytal,Carbrital,NembutalorSeconal),Quaaludes,Valium,andPlacidyl,followedbythreeshotsofDemerolinjectedjustbelowhisbareshoulderblades.Before he went to sleep, Elvis's kitchen staff, which was on duty around theclock,wouldgotowork.ItthenbecamearacetoseehowmuchfoodtheKingcouldconsumebeforefallingasleep.Typically,he'deatthreecheeseburgersandsixorsevenbananasplitsbeforenoddingoff.Often,hisassistantswouldhaveto dislodge food fromhiswindpipe to keep him from choking to death.Elviswouldthensleepforaboutfourhoursbeforestirring.Sogroggythathehadtobecarriedtothebathroom,hewouldmakehissecondrequest by feebly tugging at his assistant's shin .Elviswas unable to take thedrugshimself,sotheaidewouldpopthepillsintohismouth,andcarefullypourwaterdownhisthroat.Elviswasrarelyabletoaskforthethirdattack.Instead,asamatterofroutine,anaidewouldadministerthedosageandlethimcontinuetosleepuntilmid-afternoon,whenthebloatedKingwouldjump-starthisbodyby popping Dexedrine and stuffing cocaine-soaked swabs up his nose beforetakingtothestageagain.Onthedayofhisdeath,Elvisremainedlucidandsavedallofthe"attacks"foronefataldose.Whywouldaman,souniversallyadoredbyfansandseemingtohaveitall,regularlyabusehisbodyandthentakehisownlifeinsuchahorrificway?AccordingtoDavidStanley,Elvis'shalfbrother, itwasbecausehemuchpreferredbeingdruggedandnumbtobeingconsciousandmiserable.Unfortunately it's not difficult to think of other famous figures—people at thetopof theirprofessions in theartsandbusiness—whoalsobroughtabout their

own demise, either directly or indirectly. Think of writers like ErnestHemingway and Sylvia Plath, actors likeWilliamHolden and Freddie Prinze,singers likeMamaCassElliot and Janis Joplin.Whatdo thesepeoplehave incommon?First,they'renolongerhere,andweallexperiencedtheloss.Second,theywereallsoldabillofgoodsthatsaid,"Someday,someone,somehow,something...andthenI'llbehappy."Butwhen they achieved success,when they arrived on Easy Street and got afirsthand look at the American Dream, they found that happiness still eludedthem. So they continued to chase it, keeping the pain of existence at bay bydrinking, smoking,overeating,until finally theygot theoblivion theycraved .Theyneverdiscoveredthetruesourceofhappiness.Whatthesepeopledemonstratedissomethingalltoofamiliartosomanypeople:1) They didn't know what they really wanted out of life, so they distractedthemselveswithavarietyofartificialmoodalterants.2)Theydevelopednotjustneurologicalpathways,butexpressways topain.And theirhabitsweredrivingthemdown thesehighwaysOna regularbasis.Despiteachieving the levelsofsuccessthey'donceonlydreamedof,anddespitebeingsurroundedbytheloveandadmirationofmillionsoffans,theyhadfarmorereferencesforpain.Theybecame quite adept at generating it quickly and easily because they'd madevirtualtrunklinestoit.3)Theydidn'tknowhowtomakethemselvesfeelgood.Theyhadtoturntosomeoutsideforcetohelpthemdealwiththepresent.4)Theyneverlearnedthenutsandboltsofhowtoconsciouslydirectthefocusoftheirownminds.Theyallowed thepainandpleasureof their environments tocontrol themrather than takingcontrol themselves.Now,contrast these storieswithaletterIreceivedrecentlyfromawomanwhoutilizedmyworktoutterlyandcompletelychangethequalityofherlife:DearTony,I had been severely abusedmy entire life from infancy until the death ofmysecond husband. As a result of the abuse and severe trauma, I developed amentalillnessknownasMultiplePersonalityDisorderwithforty-ninedifferentpersonalities. None of my personalities knew about the others, or what hadhappenedineachoftheirlives.TheonlyreliefIhadinforty-nineyearsoflivingasamultiplewasintheformofself-destructive behavior. I know it sounds strange, but self-mutilation used togiverelief.Afteroneofmymanyattemptsatsuicide,1wassenttothehospitalandputunderadoctor'scare.Inordertointegratethepersonalities,Ihadtogobacktotheoriginaltraumathatcreatedeachpersonality.Thattraumahadtoberemembered,relived,andfelt.Eachofmyaltershandledaspecificfunction,a

selectiveabilitytoremember,andusuallyasingleemotionaltone.Iworkedwithan expert in the field of MPD, and he helped me to integrate all forty-ninepersonalitiesintoone.Whatkeptmegoingthroughallofthedifferentprocessesweusedwasfeelingthatmanyofmypeoplewereveryunhappyandmylifehadbecome so chaotic (one alter did not knowwhat the otherwas doing, andwefoundourselvesinallkindsofsituationsandplacesthatwhenIswitched,Ihadno memory of). We thought that by becoming one we would be happy—theultimate goal. Thatwasmymisconception.What a shocker! I lived a year ofhell. I foundmyselfveryunhappyandgrieving foreachofmypersonalities. Imissedeachofmypeopleandsometimeswantedthembackthewaytheywere.Thiswasverydifficult,andImadethreemoreattemptsatsuicidethatyear,andagainwasadmittedtoahospital.Duringthepastyear, IhappenedtoseeyourprogramonTVandorderedyourthirty-daytapeseries.PersonalPower.Ilistenedtothemoverandover,graspingatanything that Icoulduse.MybreakthroughcamewhenIstarted to listen toyourmonthlyPOWERTALKs.IlearnedthingsfromyouasasinglebeingthatInever learned as a multiple. I learned for the first time in fifty years thathappinesscomesfromwithin.AsasinglebeingInowhavethememoriesofthehorrorsthateachoftheforty-nineendured.WhenthesememoriescomeupIcanlook at them, and if they became overbearing, I can now changemy point offocusasIlearnedfromyou,andnotinadissociativewayasIhaddonebefore.NolongerdoIhavetoputmyselfinanamnesiactranceandswitchtoanotherperson.Iamlearningmoreandmoreaboutmyself,andamlearninghowtoliveasasinglebeing.IknowthatIhavealongwaytogoandalotofexploringtodo. I am sorting outmygoals andplanninghow to get there, for now, I havebeguntoloseweightandplantobeatgoalweightforChristmas(anicegifttome). I also know that Iwould like to have a healthy, nonabusive relationshipwithaman.Previous tomy hospital admittance, Iworked full-time for IBM and had fourbusinesses.Today,IamrunninganewbusinessandamenjoyingtheincreasedsalesIhavebeenabletorealizesincemyreleasefromthehospital.Iamgettingto know my children and grandchildren, but most importantly, I'm getting toknowme."Sincerely,ElizabethPietrzakWHATDOYOUWANT?Askyourselfwhatyoutrulywantinlife.Doyouwantalovingmarriage,the

respect of your children? Do you want plenty of money, fast cars, a thriving

business,ahouseonthehill?Doyouwanttotraveltheworld,visitexoticportsof call, see historical landmarks firsthand? Do you want to be idolized bymillions as a rock musician or as a celebrity with your star on HollywoodBoulevard?Doyouwant to leaveyourmark forposterityas the inventorof atime travel machine? Do you want to work with Mother Teresa to save theworld,ortakeaproactiveroleinmakingameasurableimpactenvironmentally?Whateveryoudesireorcrave,perhapsyoushouldaskyourself,"WhydoIwantthesethings?"Don'tyouwantfinecars,forexample,becauseyoureallydesirethefeelingsofaccomplishmentandprestigeyou think theywouldbring?Whydoyouwantagreatfamilylife?Isitbecauseyouthinkitwillgiveyoufeelingsof love, intimacy, connection, or warmth? Do you want to save the worldbecauseofthefeelingsofcontributionandmakingadifferenceyoubelievethiswillgiveyou?Inshort,then,isn'tittruethatwhatyoureallywantissimplytochange thewayyou fed?What it all comesdown to is the fact that youwantthese things or results because you see them as a means to achieving certainfeelings,emotions,orstatesthatyoudesire.Whensomebodykissesyou,whatmakesyoufeelgoodinthatmoment?Isitwettissuetouchingwettissuethatreallytriggersthefeeling?Ofcoursenot!Ifthat'strue,kissingyourdogwouldturnyouon!Allofouremotionsarenothingbutaflurry of biochemical storms in our brains—and we can spark them at anymoment.Butfirstwemustlearnhowtotakecontrolofthemconsciouslyinsteadof living inreaction.Mostofouremotional responsesare learnedresponses totheenvironment.We'vedeliberatelymodeledsomeofthem,andstumbledacrossothers.Simply being aware of these factors is the foundation for understanding thepowerofstate.Withoutadoubt,everythingyouandIdo,wedotoavoidpainorgainpleasure,butwecaninstantlychangewhatwebelievewillleadtopainorpleasure by redirecting our focus and changing our mental-emotional-physiologicalstates.AsIsaidinChapter3ofUnlimitedPower:A state can be defined as the sum of millions of neurological processeshappeningwithinus—the sum total ofour experience at anymoment in time.Mostofourstateshappenwithoutanyconsciousdirectiononourpan.Weseesomething,andwe respond to itbygoing intoa state. Itmaybea resourcefulandusefulstate,oranunresourcefulandlimitingstate,butthere'snotmuchthatmostofusdotocontrolit.Haveyoueverfoundyourselfunable torememberafriend'sname?Orhowtospella"difficult"wordlike..."house"?Howcomeyouweren'tabletodothis?Youcertainlyknewtheanswer.Isitbecauseyou'restupid?No,it'sbecauseyouwereinastupidstate!Thedifferencebetweenactingbadlyorbrilliantlyisnot

basedonyour ability, but on the stateof yourmind and/or body in anygivenmoment. You can be gifted with the courage and determination of MarvaCollins,thegraceandflairofFredAstaire,thestrengthandenduranceofNolanRyan, the compassion and intellect ofAlbert Einstein—but if you continuallysubmergeyourselfinnegativestates,you'llneverfulfillthatpromiseofexcellence.However,ifyouknowthesecretofaccessingyourmostresourcefulstates,youcan literally work wonders. The state that you're in at any given momentdeterminesyourperceptionsofrealityandthusyourdecisionsandbehavior.Inotherwords,yourbehaviorisnottheresultofyourability,butofthestatethatyou'reinatthismoment.Tochangeyourability,changeyourstate.Toopenupthe multitude of resources that lie within you, put yourself in a state ofresourcefulnessandactiveexpectancy—andwatchmiracleshappen!So how can we change our own emotional states? Think of your states asoperatingalotlikeaTVset.Inordertohave"bright,vividcolorwithincrediblesound," you need to plug in and turn on. Turning on your physiology is likegivingthesettheelectricityitneedstooperate.Ifyoudon'thavethejuice,you'llhavenopicture,nosound,justablankscreen.Similarly,ifyoudon'tturnonbyusing your entire body, in otherwords, your physiology, youmay indeed findyourselfunabletospell"house."Haveyoueverwokenupandstumbledaround,notabletothinkclearlyorfunctionuntilyoumovedaroundenoughtogetyourbloodflowing?Once the "static"hascleared,you're turnedon, and the ideasbegin to flow. Ifyou're in thewrongstate,you'renotgoing togetanyreception,even ifyou'vegottherightideas.Ofcourse,onceyou'repluggedin,you'vegottobetunedtotherightchanneltogetwhatyoureallywant.Mentally,you'vegottofocusonwhat empowers you.Whatever you focus on—whatever you tune in to—youwillfeelmoreintensely.Soifyoudon'tlikewhatyou'redoing,maybeit'stimetochangethechannel.Thereareunlimitedsensations,unlimitedwaysoflookingatvirtuallyanythinginlife.Allofthesensationsthatyouwantareavailableallofthetime,andallyou'vegottodoistotuneintotherightchannel.Therearetwoprimaryways,then,tochangeyouremotionalstate:bychangingthewayyouuseyourphysicalbody,orbychangingyourfocus.PHYSIOLOGY:THEPOWEROFMOVEMENTOneof themostpowerfuldistinctions that I'vemade in the last tenyearsof

mylifeissimply-this:Emotioniscreatedbymotion.Everythingthatwefeelistheresultofhowweuseourbodies.Eventhemostminutechangesinourfacial

expressionsorourgestureswillshiftthewaythatwe'refeelinginanymoment,andthereforethewayweevaluateourlives—thewaywethinkandthewayweact.Trysomethingridiculouswithmeforasecond.Pretendyou'rearatherboredandhumorlesssymphonyconductorrhythmicallyswingingyourarmsinandout.Doitverys-l-o-w-l-y.Don'tgettooexcited;justdoitasamatterofr-o-u-t-i-n-eandmakesureyourfacereflectsastateofboredom.Noticehowthatfeels.Nowtakeyourhands,clapthemtogetherexplosively,andSNAPthembackoutasfastasyou canwith a big, silly grinonyour face! Intensify this by adding thevocalmovementofanoutrageously loudandexplosivesound—themovementofairthrough your chest, throat, and mouth will change how you feel even moreradically. That motion and speed you've created, both in your body and yourvocalchords,willinstantlychangethewayyoufeel.Every emotion you ever feel has specific physiology linked to it: posture,breathing, patterns ofmovement, facial expressions. For depression, these arecertainlyobvious. InUnlimitedPower, I talkedabout thephysicalattributesofdepression,whereyoureyesare focused,howyouholdyourself,andso forth.Onceyou learnhowyouuseyourbodywhen in certain emotional states, youcanreturn to thosestates,oravoid them,simplybychangingyourphysiology.Thechallengeisthatmostofuslimitourselvestojustafewhabitualpatternsofphysiology.Weassumethemautomatically,notrealizinghowgreatarole theyplayinshapingourbehaviorfrommomenttomoment.Weeachhaveovereightydifferentmusclesinourfaces,andifthesemusclesgetaccustomedtoexpressingdepression,boredom,orfrustration,thenthishabitualmuscularpatternliterallybeginstodictateourstates,nottomentionourphysicalcharacter.IalwayshavepeopleinmyDateWithDestiny™seminarwritedownalltheemotionstheyfeelinanaverageweek,andoutofthemyriadpossibilities,I'vefoundthattheaverageislessthanadozen.Why?Becausemostpeoplehavelimitedpatternsofphysiologythatresultinlimitedpatternsofexpression.TYPESOFEMOTIONSANINDIVIDUALMIGHTFEELINAWEEK

StressedoutFrustratedAngryInsecureLonelyBoredMiserableHappy

RelievedLovedExcitedJoyousThis is such a short menu of emotional choices when you consider the

thousandsofenticingstatesavailable.Takecarenot to limityourself tosuchashortlist!Isuggestyoutakeadvantageofthewholebuffet—trynewthingsandcultivatearefinedpalate.Howaboutexperiencingmoreenthusiasm,fascination,cheerfulness, playfulness, intrigue, sensuality, desire, gratitude, enchantment,curiosity, creativity, capability, confidence, outrageousness, boldness,consideration,kindness,gentleness,humor...Whynotcomeupwithalonglistofyourown?Youcanexperienceanyof these justbychangingthewayyouuseyourbody!Youcanfeelstrong,youcansmile,youcanchangeanythinginaminutejustbylaughing.You've heard the old adage, "Someday you'll look back on this andlaugh."Ifthat'strue,whynotlookbackandlaughnow?Whywait?Wakeyourbody up; learn to put it in pleasurable states consistently no matter what'shappened.How?Createenergybythewayyouthinkofsomethingoverandoveragain,andyou'llchangethesensationsyoulinktothatsituationinthefuture.Ifyourepeatedlyuseyourbodyinweakways,ifyoudropyourshouldersonaregularbasis,ifyouwalkaroundlikeyou'retired,youwillfeeltired.Howcouldyoudootherwise?Yourbodyleadsyouremotions.Theemotionalstateyou'reinthenbegins to affect yourbody, and it becomes a sort of endless loop.Noticehowyou're sittingevennow.Situp rightnowandcreatemoreenergy inyourbodyasyoucontinuenotonlytoreadbutalsotomastertheseprinciples.Whataresomethingsyoucandoimmediatelytochangeyourstateandthereforehowyoufeelandhowyouperform?Takedeepbreathsinthroughyournoseandexhalestronglythroughyourmouth.Putahugegrinonyourfaceandsmileatyourchildren.Ifyoureallywanttochangeyourlife,commitforthenextsevendays to spending oneminute five times a day, grinning fromear to ear in themirror.Thiswillfeelincrediblystupid,butremember,bythisphysicalact,youwillbeconstantly triggeringthispartofyourbrainandcreatinganeurologicalpathwaytopleasurethatwillbecomehabitual.Sodoit,andmakeitfun!Betteryet,gooutforaskipinsteadofajog.Skippingissuchapowerfulwaytochangeyourstatebecauseitdoesfourthings:1)It'sgreatexercise;2)you'llhavelessstressonyourbodythanrunning;3)youwon'tbeabletokeepaseriouslookonyour face; and4)you'll entertaineverybodywho'sdrivingby!Soyou'llbe

changingotherpeople'sstates,too,bymakingthemlaugh.Whatapowerfulthinglaughteris!MysonJoshuahasafriendnamedMattwhofinds itsoeasy to laughthat it's infectious,andeveryonewhohearshimstartslaughing,too.Ifyoureallywanttoimproveyourlife,learntolaugh.Alongwithyourfivesmileseachday,makeyourselflaughfornoreasonatall,threetimeseachdayforsevendays.InarecentpollconductedbyEntertainmentWeeklymagazine, theyfoundthat82percentofthepeoplewhogotomovieswanttolaugh,7percentwanttocry,and 3 percent want to scream. This gives you an idea how we value thesensations of laughter over somany other things.And if you've readNormanCousins's books, or Dr. Deepak Chopra's, or Dr. Bernie Siegel's, or studiedpsychoneuroimmunologyatall,youknowwhatlaughtercandotothephysicalbodytostimulatetheimmunesystem.Why not find somebody who laughs and mirror them? Have some fun. Say,"Willyoudomeafavor?You'vegotagreatlaugh.Letmetryandduplicateit.Coachme." I guarantee you'll crack eachother up in the process!Breathe thewaytheybreathe;takeontheirpostureandbodymovements;usethesamefacialexpressions;makethesamesounds.You'll feel stupidwhenyoustart,butafterawhileyou'llget into it,andyou'llbothbelaughinghystericallybecauseyoubothlooksosilly.Butintheprocess,you'll begin to lay the neurological networking to create laughter on a regularbasis.Asyoudothisagainandagain,you'llfinditveryeasytolaughandyou'llcertainlyhavefun."We know toomuch and feel too little. At least we feel too little of those

creativeemotionsfromwhichagoodlifesprings."BERTRANDRUSSELLAnyonecancontinuetofeelgoodiftheyalreadyfeelgood,orifthey're"ona

roll";itdoesn'ttakemuchtoaccomplishthis.Buttherealkeyinlifeistobeabletomakeyourself feel goodwhenyoudon't fedgood, orwhenyoudon't evenwanttofeelgood.Knowthatyoucandothisinstantaneouslybyusingyourbodyasa tool tochangestate.Onceyou identify thephysiologyattached toastate,youcanuse it tocreate thestatesyoudesireatwill.Yearsago, IworkedwithJohnDenver,amanwhoimpressesmenotonlywithhismusicalabilitybutalsobecause his private persona is absolutely in line with his public image. Thereasonhe'ssucceededissoclear;he'ssuchanincrediblywarmandcaringman.ThereasonIwasworkingwithhimwasthathewasexperiencingwriter'sblock.Weidentifiedthetimeswhenhewrotehisbestsongs,anddiscoveredthattheirinspirationhadcometohimwhenhewasdoingsomethingphysical.Usuallyan

entiresongwouldflowthroughhimafterhe'dskieddownamountain,flownhisjet or his biplane, or driven his sports car at high speeds. Usually speedwasinvolved,andthephysicaladrenalinerush,alongwiththeexperienceoffocusingonthebeautyofnature,wereallamajorpartofhiscreativestrategy.Atthetime,hewasexperiencingafewfrustrationsinsomeareasofhislifeandhadnotbeeninvolved in the same intense outdoor activity. Just bymaking this change andgettingback into a strongphysiology, hewas able to restore the certainty andflowofhiscreativityimmediately.YouandIhavethecapacitytomakechangeslikethisatanytime.Justbychangingourphysiology,wecanchangeourlevelofperformance.Ourcapabilityisalwaysthere,andwhatwe'vegottodoisputourselvesintostateswhereitisaccessible.The key to success, then, is to create patterns of movement that createconfidence,asenseofstrength, flexibility,asenseofpersonalpower,and fun.Realizethatstagnationcomesfromlackofmovement.Canyouthinkofanoldperson,someonewhodoesn't"getaroundmuchanymore"?Gettingoldisnotamatter of age; it's a lack ofmovement.And the ultimate lack ofmovement isdeath.Ifyouseechildrenwalkingalongthesidewalkafterarain,andthere'sapuddleinfrontofthem,whataretheygoingtodowhentheygettothatpuddle?They're going to jump in! They're going to laugh, splash around, and have agoodtime.Whatdoesanolderpersondo?Walkaroundit?No,theywon'tjustwalkaround it—they'll complain thewhole time!Youwant to livedifferently.Youwanttolivewithaspringinyourstep,asmileonyourface.Whynotmakecheerfulness, outrageousness, playfulness a new priority for yourself? Makefeelinggoodyourexpectation.Youdon'thavetohaveareasontofeelgood—you'realive;youcanfeelgood/ornoreasonatall!FOCUS:THEPOWEROFCONCENTRATIONIfyouwanted to, couldn't yougetdepressedat amoment'snotice?Youbet

youcould,justbyfocusingonsomethinginyourpastthatwashorrible.Weallhavesomeexperienceinourpastthat'sprettybad,dontwe?Ifyoufocusonitenough,andyoupicture itand thinkabout it,prettysoonyou'll start to feel it.Haveyouevergonetoanawfulmovie?Wouldyougobacktothatawfulmoviehundredsoftimes?Ofcoursenot.Why?Because itwouldn't/eel good to do this! Thenwhywould you go back to theawfulmoviesinyourheadonaregularbasis?Whywatchyourselfinyourleastfavoriteroles,playingagainstyourleastfavoriteleadingladyorman?Whyplayoutbusinessdisastersorbadcareerdecisionsagainandagain?Ofcourse,these"B" movies are not limited only to your past experience. You can focus on

somethingrightnowthatyouthinkyou'remissingouton,andfeelbad.Betteryet, you can focus on something that hasn't even happened yet, and feel badaboutitinadvance!Thoughyoumaylaughatthisnow,unfortunatelythat'swhatmostofusdodaytoday.Ifyouwantedtofeellikeyouwereinecstasyrightnow,couldyou?Youcoulddothisjustaseasily.Couldyoufocusonorrememberatimewhenyouwereinabsolute, total ecstasy? Could you focus on how your body felt? Could yourememberitwithsuchvividdetailthatyouarefullyassociatedtothosefeelingsagain?Youbetyoucould.Oryoucouldfocusonthingsyou'reecstaticaboutinyourliferightnow,onwhatyoufeelisgreatinyourlife.Andagain,youcouldfocusonthingsthathaven'thappenedyet,andfeelgoodabouttheminadvance.Thisisthepowerthatgoalsofferandwhywe'llbefocusingontheminChapter12.WHATEVERWEFOCUSONBECOMESOURIDEAOFREALITYThe truth is that very few things are absolute.Usually, how you feel about

things, and themeaningof aparticular experience, is all dependentuponyourfocus. Elizabeth, the woman with Multiple Personality Disorder, had been inpain constantly. Her escape route was to create a new personality for eachincidentthathadtobehandledemotionally.Itallowedhertochangeherfocusby seeing the problem through "somebody else's" eyes. Yet she still felt paineven after integration. It wasn't until she learned how to control her state byconsciously changing her physiology and her focus that she was able to takecontrolofherlife.Focus is not true reality, because it's one view; it's only one perception of thewaythingsreallyare.Thinkofthatview—thepowerofourfocus—asbeingacameralens.Thecameralensshowsonlythepictureandangleofwhatyouarefocused on. Because of that, photographs you take can easily distort reality,presentingonlyasmallportionofthebigpicture.Suppose you went to a party with your camera, and you sat in one comer,focused on a group of people who were arguing. How would that party berepresented? Itwould be pictured as an unpleasant, frustratingpartywhere noone had a good time and everyonewas fighting. And it's important for us toremember that howwe represent things in ourminds will determine howwefeel. Butwhat if youwere to focus your camera on another end of the roomwherepeoplewerelaughingandtellingjokesandhavingagreattime?Itwouldbe shown to have been the best party of all, with everyone getting alongfamously!Thisiswhythereissomuchturmoilover"unauthorized"biographies:theyare

onlyoneperson'sperceptionofanother'slife.Andoften,thisviewisofferedbypeople whose jealousy gives them a vested interest in distorting things. Theproblemis,thebiography'sviewislimitedonlytotheauthor's"cameraangle,"andweallknowthatcamerasdistortreality,thataclose-upcanmakethingslookbiggerthantheyreallyare.Andwhenmanipulatedexpertly,acameracanminimizeorblurimportantpartsof the reality. To paraphraseRalphWaldoEmerson, each of us sees in otherswhatwecarryinourownhearts.MEANINGISOFTENAMATTEROFFOCUSIf you've scheduled a businessmeeting, and someone is not there on time,

howyoufeel isbasedstrictlyonwhatyoufocuson.Doyourepresent inyourmindthatthereasontheyarenotthereisthattheydon'tcare,ordoyouinterpretit as their having great difficulties in getting to the meeting?Whichever youfocusonwilldefinitelyaffectyouremotions.Whatityouwereupsetwiththem,andtherealreasontheywerelateisthattheywerefightingtogetabetterbidonthebusinessproposaltheywerebringingyou?Remember,whateverwefocusonwilldeterminehowwefeel.Maybeweshouldn'tjumptoconclusions;weshouldchoosewhattofocusonverycarefully.Focusdetermineswhetheryouperceiveyourrealityasgoodorbad,whetheryoufeelhappyorsad.Afantasticmetaphorforthepoweroffocusisracingcars—arealpassionforme.DrivingaFormularacecarcansometimesmakeflyingajethelicopterseemlikeaveryrelaxingexperience!Inaracecaryoucannotallowyour focus to wander even for a moment from your outcome. Your attentioncan'tbelimitedtowhereyouare;neithercanitbestuckinthepastorfixedtoofarinthefuture.Whileremainingfullyawareofwhereyouare,youhavetobeanticipatingwhat'sabouttohappeninthenearfuture.This was one of the first lessons I learned when I started racing school. Theinstructors put me in what's called a "skid car"—an automobile that has acomputerbuiltintoitwithhydraulicliftsthatcanpullanywheeloffthegroundon a moment's signal from the instructor. The number-one fundamental theyteachindrivingis:Focusonwhereyouwanttogo,notonwhatyoufear.Ifyoustarttoskidoutofcontrol,thetendency,ofcourse,istolookatthewall.Butifyoukeepfocusingonit,that'sexactlywhereyou'llendup.Driversknowthat you gowhere you look; you travel in the direction of your focus. If youresistyourfear,havefaith,andfocusonwhereyouwanttogo,youractionswilltakeyouinthatdirection,andifit'spossibletoturnoutofit,youwill—butyoustandnochanceifyoufocusonwhatyoufear.Invariablypeoplesay,"Whatifyou'regoingtocrashanyway?"

The answer is that you increase your chances by focusing onwhat youwant.Focusing on the solution is always to your benefit. If you have too muchmomentuminthedirectionofthewall,thenfocusingontheproblemjustbeforethecrashisnotgoingtohelpyouanyway.Whentheinstructorsfirstexplainedthistome,Inoddedmyheadandthought,"Ofcourse!Iknowallaboutthis.Afterall,Iteachthisstuff."MyfirsttimeoutontheroadIwasscreamingalong,andallofasudden,unbeknownsttome,theypushedthebutton.Istartedtoskidoutofcontrol.Wheredoyouthinkmyeyeswent?Youbet!Rightatthewall!Inthefinalseconds,IwasterrifiedbecauseIknewIwasgoingtohitit.Theinstructorgrabbedmyheadandyankedittotheleft,forcingmetolookinthedirectionIneededtogo.Wekeptskidding,andIknewweweregoing tocrash,but Iwas forced to lookonly in thedirection Iwantedtogo.Sureenough,asIlookedinthatdirection,Icouldn'thelpbutturnthewheelaccordingly.Itcaughtatthelastmoment,andwepulledout.Youcanimaginemyrelief.Onethingthat'suseful toknowaboutallof this:whenyouchangeyourfocus,often you don't immediately change direction. Isn't that true in life as well?Often there's a lag timebetweenwhenyou redirectyour focusandwhenyourbody and your life's experience catch up. That's all the more reason to startfocusingonwhatyouwantquickerandnotwaitanylongerwiththeproblem.DidIlearnmylesson?No.I'dhadanexperience,butIhadnotcreatedastrongenoughneuroassociation.Ihadtoconditioninthenewpattern.Sosureenough,thenext time I headed for thewall, the instructor had to loudly remindme tolookatmygoal.On the third time, though, I turnedmyheaddeliberately andconsciously.Itrustedit,anditworked.Afterdoingitenoughtimes,nowwhenIgointoaskid,wham!myheadgoeswhereIwantittogo,thewheelturns,andmycarfollows.Does this guarantee I'll always succeed by controllingmy focus?No.Does itincreasemychances?Onehundredfold!Thesame thing is true in life. In laterchapters, you'll learn someways tomake sure you conditionyour focus to bepositive.Fornow,realizethatyou'vegottodisciplineyourmind.Amindoutofcontrolwillplaytricksonyou.Directed,it'syourgreatestfriend."Ask and you will receive. Seek and you will find; knock, and it will be

openedtoyou."MATTHEW7:7Themostpowerfulwaytocontrolfocusisthroughtheuseofquestions.For

whateveryouask,yourbrainprovidesananswer;whateveryoulookfor,you'llfind.Ifyouask,"Whyis thispersontakingadvantageofme?"you'regoingto

focusonhowyou'rebeing taken advantageof,whether it's trueornot. If youask, "How can I turn this around?" you'll get a more empowering answer.Questionsaresuchapowerfultoolforchangingyourlife,I'vereservedthenextchaptertotalkexclusivelyaboutthem.Theyareoneof themostpowerfulandsimpleways tochange thewayyou'refeelingaboutvirtuallyanything,andthuschangethedirectionofyour lifeatamoment'snotice.Questionsprovidethekeytounlockingourunlimitedpotential.OneofthebestillustrationsofthisisthestoryofayoungmanwhogrewupinAlabama.Aboutfifteenyearsago,aseventh-gradebullypickedafightwithhim,punched him in the nose and knocked him out. When the boy regainedconsciousness, he vowed to get revenge and kill the bully. He went home,grabbedhismother's.22,andsetouttofindhistarget.Inamatterofmoments,hisdestinyhunginthebalance.Withthebullyinhisgunsight,hecouldsimplyfire and his schoolmate would be history. But at that very instant, he askedhimself aquestion:Whatwill happen tome if I pull the trigger?Andanotherimage came into focus: a picture as painful as any imaginable. In that splitsecondwhichwouldtaketheboy'slifeinoneoftwoverydifferentdirections,hevisualized,withchillingclarity,whatitwouldbeliketogotojail.Hepicturedhaving to stay up all night to keep the other prisoners from raping him. Thatpotentialpainwasgreaterthantheanticipationofrevenge.Herearmedhisgun,andshotatree.ThisboywasBoJackson,andashedescribesthissceneinhisbiography,there'snoquestionthatatthatpivotpointinhislife,thepainassociatedwithprisonwasa forcemore powerful than the pleasure of satisfaction he thought killing theother boy would bring. One change in focus, one decision about pain andpleasure,probablymadethedifferencebetweenakidwithnofutureandoneofthegreatestathleticsuccessstoriesofourtime."Asthefletcherwhittlesandmakesstraighthisarrows,sothemasterdirects

hisstrayingthoughts."THEBUDDHAIT'SNOTONLYWHATYOUFOCUSONBUTHOW...Ourexperienceof theworld iscreatedbygathering information through the

useofourfivesenses.However,eachofustendstodevelopafavoritemodeoffocus,oramodality,as it isoftencalled.Somepeoplearemore impacted, forexample,bywhattheysee;theirvisualsystemtendstobemore dominant. For others, sounds are the trigger for the greatest of life'sexperiences,whileforstillothers,feelingsarethefoundation.Even within each of these modes of experience, though, there are specificelementsofpictures,sounds,orothersensationsthatcanbechangedinorderto

increaseordecreasetheintensityofourexperience.Thesefoundationalingredientsarecalledsubmodalities.*Forexample,youcanmake a picture in your mind and then take any aspect of that image (asubmodality),andchange it tochangeyourfeelingsabout it.Youcanbrightenthe picture, immediately changing the amount of intensity you feel about theexperience. This is known as changing a submodality. Probably the greatestexpert in submodalities is Richard Bandler, co-founder of Neuro-LinguisticProgramming.ThelineageofexpertsonthisdatesbacktothefoundationalworkonthefivesensesdonebyAristotle,whichcategorizesperceptionmodels.Youcan radically raise or lower your intensity of feeling about anything bymanipulatingsubmodalities.Theyaffecthowyoufeelaboutvirtuallyanything,whether you feel joy, frustration, wonder, or despair. Understanding themenablesyoutonotonlychangehowyoufeelaboutanyexperienceinyourlife,buttochangewhatitmeanstoyouandthuswhatyoucandoaboutit.One image I've found very useful is to think of submodalities as the grocerystoreUPCbarcodes,thoseclustersoflittleblacklinesthathavereplacedpricetagsinjustabouteverysupermarketyoupatronizetoday.Thecodeslookinsignificant,yetwhenpulledacrossthecheckoutscanner,theytell thecomputerwhat the item is, howmuch it costs,how its sale affects theinventory,andsoon.Submodalitiesworkthesameway.Whenpulledacrossthescannerofthecomputerwecallthebrain,theytellthebrainwhatthisthingis,howtofeelaboutit,andwhattodo.Youhaveyourownbarcodes,andthereisalistofthemcomingupalongwithquestionstoasktodeterminewhichofthemyouuse.For example, if you tend to focus upon your visualmodalities, the amount ofenjoymentyougetfromaparticularmemoryisprobablyadirectconsequenceofthesubmodalitiesofsize,color,brightness,distance,andamountofmovementin the visual image you've made of it. If you represent it to yourself withauditorysubmodalities,thenhowyoufeeldependsonthevolume,tempo,pitch,tonality,andothersuchfactorsyouattachtoit.Forexample,inorderforsomepeople to feel motivated, they have to tune in a certain channel first. If theirfavorite channel is visual, then focusing on the visual elements of a situationgivesthemmoreemotionalintensityaboutit.Forotherpeopleit'stheauditoryor kinesthetic channels. And for some, the best strategy works like acombinationlock.Firstthevisuallockhastobealigned,thentheauditory,thenthekinesthetic.Allthreedialshavetobelinedupintherightplaceandtherightorderforthevaulttoopen.Onceyou'reawareofthis,you'llrealizethatpeopleareconstantlyusingwordsintheirday-to-daylanguagetotellyouwhichsystemandwhichsubmodalities

theyaretuningin.Listentothewaystheydescribetheirexperience,andtakeitliterally.(Forexample,inthelasttwosentencesIusedtheterms"tuningin"and"listen"—clearlytheseareauditoryexamples.)How many times have you heard someone say, "I can't picture doing that"?They're tellingyouwhat theproblem is: if theydidpicturedoing it, they'dgointoastatewherethey'dfeelliketheycouldmakeithappen.Someonemayhaveoncesaidtoyou,"You'reblowingthingsoutofproportion."Ifyou'rereallyupset,theymayberight.Youmaybetakingimagesinyourmindand making them much bigger, which tends to intensify the experience. Ifsomeone says, "This is weighing heavily upon me," you can assist them byhelpingthemfeellighteraboutthesituationandtherebygettheminabetterstatetodealwithit.Ifsomeonesays,"I'mjusttuningyouguysout,"you'vegottogetthemtotunebackinsotheycanchangestates.Ourabilitytochangethewaywefeeldependsuponourabilitytochangeoursubmodalities.Wemustlearntotakecontrolofthevariouselementswithwhichwerepresentexperiencesandchangethem in ways that support our outcomes. For example, have you ever foundyourself sayingyouneed to "getdistance" fromaproblem? I'd likeyou to trysomething,ifyouwould.Thinkofasituationthatischallengingyoucurrently.Makeapictureofitinyourmind,thenimaginepushingthatpicturefartherandfartherawayfromyourself.Standaboveitandlookdownupontheproblemwithanewperspective.Whathappenstoyouremotionalintensity?Formostpeople,itdrops.Whatiftheimagebecomesdimmer,orsmaller?Nowtakethepictureofthe problem and make it bigger, brighter, and closer. For most people, thisintensifiesit.Pushitbackoutandwatchthesunmeltit.Asimplechangeinanyone of these elements is like changing the ingredients in a recipe. They'redefinitely going to alterwhat you finally experience in your body,Although IspokeaboutsubmodalitiesingreatdepthinUnlimitedPower,I'm reviewing the topic here because I want to make sure you grasp thisdistinction.It'scriticaltounderstandingmuchoftheotherworkwe'llbedoinginthisbook.Remember,howyoufeelaboutthingsisinstantlychangedbyashiftinsubmodalities.Forexample,thinkofsomethingthathappenedyesterday.Justforamoment,picturethatexperience.Taketheimageofthismemoryandputitbehindyou.Graduallypushitbackuntilit'smilesbehindyou,atiny,dimdotfaroffinthedarkness.Doesitfeellikeithappenedyesterday,oralongtimeago?Ifthememoryisgreat,bringitback.Otherwise,leaveitthere!Whoneedstofocusonthismemory?Bycontrast,you'vehadsomeincrediblywonderfulexperiencesinyourlife.COMMONEXPRESSIONSBASEDON:

VisualSubmodalities—Thatreallybrightensmyday.Thatputsthingsinabetterperspective.That'satoppriority.Thisguyhasacheckeredpast.Let'slookatthebigpicture.Thisproblemkeepsstaringmeintheface.AuditorySubmodalities—He'sconstantlygivingmestaticaboutthat.Theproblemisscreamingatme.Ihearyouloudandclear.Itbroughteverythingweweredoingtoascreechinghalt.Theguyisreallyoffbeat.Thatsoundsgreat.KinestheticSubmodalities—Thatguyisslimy.Thepressure'soff/thepressure'son.Thisthingisweighingonme.IfeellikeI'mcarryingthiswholethingonmyback.Thisconcertisreallyhot!I'mabsolutelyimmersedinthisproject.Thinkofonerightnow,onethathappenedalongtimeago.Recalltheofthat

experience. Bring it forward; put it in front of you.Make right, and colorful;makeitthree-dimensional.Stepintoyourbodywerethenandfeelthatexperiencerightnowasifyouwerethere.Doesitfeellikeithappenedalongtimeago,orisitsomethingyouareenjoyingnow?Yousee,evenyourexperienceoftimecanbechangedbychangingSubmodalities.

CREATEYOUROWNBLUEPRINT

DiscoveringyourSubmodalitiesisafunprocess.Youmaywanttodothisonyourown,althoughyoumayfinditmorefuntodowithsomeoneelse.Thiswillhelpwiththeaccuracy,andifthey'realsoreadingthisbook,you'llhavealottotalk about and a partner in your commitment to personal mastery. So veryquickly now, think of a time in your life when you had a very enjoyableexperience,anddo thefollowing:Rateyourenjoymentonascale from0-100,where0isnoenjoymentatalland100isthepeaklevelofenjoymentyoucouldpossiblyexperience.Let'ssayyoucameupwith80onthisemotionalintensityscale.Now,go to theChecklistofPossibleSubmodalities(page169),and let'sdiscover which elements are apt to create more enjoyment in your life thanothers,morepleasurefeelingsthanpainfeelings.Begintoevaluateeachofthequestionscontainedinthechecklistagainstyourexperience.So,forexample,asyou remember this experience and focus on the visual Submodalities, askyourself,"Isitamovieorastillframe?"Ifit'samovie,noticehowitfeels.Doesitfeelgood?Now,changeittoitsopposite.Makeitastillframeandseewhathappens.Doesyourlevelofenjoymentdrop?Doesitdropsignificantly?Bywhatpercentage?Asyoumadeitastillframe,diditdropfrom80to50,forexample?Writedowntheimpactthatthischangehasmadesoyou'llbeabletoutilizethisdistinctioninthefuture.Then,returntheimagerytoitsinitialform;thatis,makeitamovieagainifthat'swhat it was, so you feel like you're back at 80 again. Then go to the nextquestiononyourchecklist.Isitincolororinblackandwhite?Ifitwasinblackandwhite,noticehowthatfeels.Now,again,dotheoppositetoit.Addcolorandseewhathappens.Doesitraiseyouremotionalintensityhigherthan80?Writedown the impact this has upon you emotionally. If it brings you to a 95, thismightbeavaluablethingtorememberinthefuture.Forexample,whenthinkingaboutataskyouusuallyavoid,ifyouaddcolortoyourimageofit,you'llfindthatyourpositiveemotional intensitygrows immediately.Nowdrop the imagebackdowntoblackandwhite,andagain,noticewhathappenstoyouremotionalintensity andwhat abigdifference thismakes.Remember to always finishbyrestoring the original state before going on to the next question. Put the colorbackintoit;makeitbrighter thanitwasbefore,untilyou'revirtuallyawashinvividcolor.In tact, brightness is an important submodality for most people; brightening

things intensifies their emotion. If you think about the pleasurable experiencerightnow,andmake the imagebrighter andbrighter, youprobably feelbetter,don'tyou?(Ofcourse,thereareexceptions.Ifyou'resavoringthememoryofaromanticmoment,andsuddenlyturnallthelightsonfullblast,thatmaynotbeentirely appropriate.) What if you were to make the image dim, dark, anddefocused?Formostpeople,thatmakesitalmostdepressing.Somakeitbrighteragain;makeitbrilliant!CHECKLISTOFPOSSIBLESUBMODALITIES

Visual1.Movie/still2.Color/black-and-white3.Right/left/center4.Up/middle/down5.Bright/dim/dark6.Lifesize/bigger/smaller7.Proximity8.Fast/medium/slow9.Specificfocus?10.Inpicture11.Frame/panorama12.3D/2D13.Particularcolor14.Viewpoint15.SpecialtrigsgerAuditory1.Self/others2.Content3.Howit'ssaid4.Volume5.Tonality6.Tempo7.Location8.Harmony/cacophony9.Regular/irregular10.Inflection11.Certainwords12.Duration13.Uniqueness

14.SpecialtriggerKinesthetic1.Temperaturechange8.Texturechange3.Rigid/flexible4.Vibration5.Pressure6.Locationofpressure7.Tension/relaxation8.Movement/direction/9.Breathing10.Weight11.Steady/intermittent12.Size/shapechange13.Direction14.SpecialtriggerIsitamovieorastillframe?Isitcolororblack-and-white?Istheimageontheright,left,orcenter?Istheimageup,middle,ordown?Istheimagebright,dim,ordark?Istheimagelifesize,bigger,orsmaller?Howcloseistheimagetoyou?Isthespeedoftheimagefast,medium,orslow?Particularelementfocusedonconsistently?Areyouinthepictureorwatchingfromadistance?Doestheimagehaveaframeorisitapanorama?Isitthree-dimensionalortwo-dimensional?Isthereacolorthatimpactsyoumost?Areyoulookingdownonit,up,fromside,etc.?Anythingelsethattriggersstrongfeelings?Areyousayingsomethingtoyourselforhearingitfromothers?Whatspecificallydoyousayorhear?Howdoyousayorhearit?Howloudisit?Whatisthetonality?Howfastisit?Whereisthesoundcomingfrom?

Isthesoundinharmonyorcacophonous?Isthesoundregularorirregular?Isthereinflectioninthevoice?Arecertainwordsemphasized?Howlongdidthesoundlast?Whatisuniqueaboutthesound?Anythingelsethattriggersstrongfeelings?Wasthereatemperaturechange?Hotorcold?Wasthereatexturechange?Roughorsmooth?Isitrigidorflexible?Istherevibration?Wasthereanincreaseordecreaseinpressure?Wherewasthepressurelocated?Wasthereanincreaseintensionorrelaxation?Wastheremovement?Ifso,whatwasthedirectionandspeed?Qualityofbreathing?Wherediditstart/end?Isitheavyorlight?Arethefeelingssteadyorintermittent?Diditchangesizeorshape?Werefeelingscomingintobodyorgoingout?Anythingelsethattriggersstrongfeelings?Continuedownyourlist,notingwhichofthesevisualsubmodalitieschanges

youremotionalintensitythemost.Thenfocusontheauditorysubmodalities.Asyourecreate theexperience insideyourhead,howdoes itsoundtoyou?Whatdoes raising the volume do to the level of pleasure you feel? How doesincreasingthetempoaffectyourenjoyment?Byhowmuch?Writeitdown,andshiftasmanyotherelementsasyoucanthinkof. Ifwhatyou're imagining is the soundof someone'svoice, experimentwithdifferent inflections and accents, and notice what that does to the level ofenjoymentyouexperience.Ifyouchangethequalityofthesoundfromsmoothandsilky to roughandgravelly,whathappens?Remember, finishby restoringthe sounds to their original auditory form so that all the qualities continue tocreatepleasureforyou.Finally, focus on kinesthetic submodalities.As you remember this pleasurableexperience, how does changing the various kinesthetic elements intensify ordecrease your pleasure? Does raising the temperature make you feel morecomfortable,ordoesitdriveyouupthewall?Focusonyourbreathing.Where

areyoubreathingfrom?Ifyouchangethequalityofyourbreathsfromrapidandshallowto longanddeep,howdoes thisaffect thequalityofyourexperience?Noticewhatadifferencethismakes,andwriteitdown.Whataboutthetextureoftheimage?Playaroundwithit;changeitfromsoftandfluffy,towetandslimy,togooeyandsticky.As you go through each of these changes, how does your body feel?Write itdown. When you're done experimenting with the whole checklist ofsubmodalities,gobackandadjustuntilthemostpleasurableimagere-emerges;makeitrealenoughsoyoucangetyourhandsarounditandsqueezethejuicefromit!As you go through these exercises, you will quickly see that some of thesesubmodalities are much more powerful for you than others. We're all madedifferentlyandhaveourownpreferredwaysofrepresentingourexperiencestoourselves.What you've just donewas to create a blueprint thatmapsout howyourbrainiswired.Keepitanduseit;itwillcomeinhandysomeday—maybetoday! By knowing which submodalities trigger you, you'll know how toincreaseyourpositiveemotionsanddecreaseyournegativeemotions.Forexample,ifyouknowthatmakingsomethingbigandbrightandbringingitclosecantremendouslyintensifyyouremotion,youcangetyourselfmotivatedto do something by changing its imagery to match these criteria. You'll alsoknownottomakeyourproblemsbig,brightandclose,oryou'll intensifyyournegativeemotionsaswell!You'llknowhowtoinstantlyshakeyourselfoutofalimiting state and into an energizing, empowering one.Andyou can be betterequippedtocontinueyourpathwaytopersonalpower.Knowing the largepart that submodalitiesplay inyourexperienceof reality iscrucial in meeting challenges. For example, whether you feel confused or ontrack is a matter of submodalities. If you think about a time when you feltconfused,rememberwhetheryouwererepresentingtheexperienceasapictureor a movie. Then compare it to a time when you felt that you understoodsomething.Oftenwhenpeoplefeelconfused, it'sbecause theyhaveaseriesofimagesin theirheads thatarepileduptooclosely together inachaotic jumblebecausesomeonehasbeentalkingtoorapidlyorloudly.Forotherpeople,theygetconfusedif thingsare taught to themtooslowly.Theseindividualsneedtoseeimagesinmovieform,toseehowthingsrelatetoeachother;otherwisetheprocess is too disassociated. Do you see how understanding someone'ssubmodalitiescanhelpyoutoteachthemmuchmoreeffectively?Thechallengeis thatmostofus takeour limitingpatternsandmakethembig,bright,close,loud,orheavy—whicheversubmodalitieswe'remostattunedto—

andthenwonderwhywefeeloverwhelmed'Ifyou'veeverpulledyourselfoutofthat state, it's probably because you or somebody else took that image andchangedit,redirectingyourfocus.Youfinallysaid,"Oh,it'snotthatbigadeal."Oryouworkedononeaspectofit,andbydoingso,itdidn'tseemlikesuchabigproject to tackle. These are all simple strategies,many ofwhich I laid out inUnlimitedPower.Inthischapter,I'mexpectingtowhetyourappetiteandmakeyouawareofthem.CHANGEYOURSTATESANDYOUCHANGEYOURLIFEYoucannowchangeyour state in somanyways, and they're all so simple.

Youcanchangeyourphysiologyimmediatelyjustbychangingyourbreathing.Youcanchangeyourfocusbydecidingwhattofocuson,ortheorderofthingsyoufocuson,orhowyoudo it.Youcanchangeyoursubmodalities. Ifyou'vebeenconsistentlyfocusingontheworstthatcouldhappen,there'snoexcuseforcontinuingtodothat.Startnowtofocusonthebest.Thekeyinlifeistohavesomanywaystodirectyourlifethatitbecomesanart.Thechallengeformostpeopleisthattheyhaveonlyafewwaystochangetheirstate: they overeat, over drink, oversleep, over shop, smoke, or take a drug—none of which empower us, and all of which can have disastrous and tragicconsequences. The biggest problem is that many of these consequences arecumulative, sowe don't even notice the danger until it's too late. That's whathappenedtoElvisPresley,andthat,unfortunately,isalsowhat'shappeningeverydaytosomanyotherpeople.Pictureanunfortunatefroginakettlebeingslowlysimmeredtodeath.Ifhehadbeendroppedintoafullyboilingpot,theshockofthe heatwould have caused him to jump back out immediately—butwith theheatslowlybuilding,henevernoticeshe'sindangeruntilit'stoolatetogetout.The journey toward Niagara Falls begins when you don't control your states,because if you don't control your states, you won't be able to control yourbehavior.Iftherearethingsyouneedtoaccomplishbutyoucan'tgetmotivated,realizeyou'renotintheappropriatestate.That'snotanexcuse,though,that'sacommand!It'sacommandtodowhateverittakestochangeyourstate,whetherit'schangingyourphysiologyoryourfocus.Atonetime,Iputmyselfinastateof being pressured towritemybook; nowonder I felt itwas impossible!ButthenIhadtofindawaytochangemystate;otherwise,youwouldn'tbereadingthistoday.Ihadtobeinastateofcreativity,astateofexcitement.Ifyouwanttogoonadiet,it'snotgoingtoworkifyou'reinafearfulstate,oraworriedstate,orafrustratedstate.You'vegottobeinadeterminedstateinordertosucceed.Or,ifyouwanttoperformbetteronyourjob,realizethatintelligenceisoftenafactor of state. People who supposedly have limited capability will find their

talent shooting through the roof if theyget intoanewstate. I'vedemonstratedthismanytimeswithdyslexicpeople.While dyslexia is a function of our visual faculties, it's also a function of ourmental andemotional states.Peoplewhoaredyslexicdonot reverse lettersorwordseverytimetheyreadsomething.Theymaydoitmostofthetime,buttheydon't do it all of the time. The difference between when they're able to readclearlyandwhentheyreverselettersallcomesdowntostate.Ifyouchangetheirstate,youimmediatelychangetheirperformance.Anyonewho'sdyslexicorhasany other state-based challenge can use these strategies to turn themselvesaround.Since movement can instantly change how we feel, it makes sense for us tocreate lots of ways to change our state with one, singular movement in aninstant.OneofthethingsthatmostpowerfullychangedmylifewassomethingIfirstlearnedyearsago.InCanadaIfoundamanwhowasbreakingwoodkarate-style.Insteadofspendingayearandahalftotwoyearstolearntodoit,withnomartialarts training, Isimplyfoundoutwhathewasfocusingon,howhewasfocusing(thebrightnessandsoon)inhishead,whathisbeliefswere,andwhathisphysicalstrategywas—howhespecificallyusedhisbodytobreakthewood.Ipracticedover andoverhisphysicalmovements identicallywith tremendousemotional intensity, sendingmybraindeepsensationsofcertainty.Andall thewhile,myinstructorcoachedmeonmymovements.Barn!Ibrokethroughonepieceofwood,thentwopieces,thenthreepieces,thenfour.WhathadIdonetoaccomplishthis?1)1raisedmystandardsandmadebreakingthewoodamust—something I previouslywould have accepted as a limitation; 2) I changedmylimitingbeliefaboutmyability todothisbychangingmyemotionalstate intooneofcertainty,and3)Imodeledaneffectivestrategyforproducingtheresult.This act transformed my sense of power and certainty throughout my wholebody.Ibegantousethissame"woodbreaking"senseofcertaintytoaccomplishotherthingsIneverthoughtIcoulddo,breakingthroughmyprocrastinationandsomeofmyfearseasily.Over theyears Icontinued touseand reinforce thesesensations, and I began to teach them to others, even children, eleven-andtwelve-year-oldgirls,showingthemhowtoincreasetheirself-esteembygivingthemanexperiencetheydidn'tthinkwaspossible.Ieventuallystartedusingthisas part of my video-based Unlimited Power seminars, conducted by myfranchisees,ourPersonalDevelopmentConsultantsaroundtheworld.Oftenin30minutesorlesstheyareabletohelptheirparticipantstoovercometheirfearsandlearnhowtobreakthroughanythingthatstopsthemintheirlives.Afterbreakingthewood,theylearntousethisexperiencetogivethemselvesthesenseofcertaintythatisnecessaryinpursuinganythingtheywanttoachievein

life.It'salwaysfascinatingtoseeahugemanwhothinkshecandoitwithjustbrute force get up there andmiss, and thenwatch awoman half his size andmusculartonebreakthroughinaheartbeatbecauseshe'sdevelopedthecertaintyinherphysiology."Experience isnotwhathappens toaman; it iswhatamandoeswithwhat

happenstohim."ALDOUSHUXLEYYou've got to realize that youmust take conscious control of running your

ownmind.You'vegottodoitdeliberately;otherwise,you'regoingtobeatthemercyofwhateverhappensaroundyou.Thefirstskillyoumustmasteristobeable to changeyour state instantly nomatterwhat the environment, nomatterhowscaredor frustratedyouare.This isoneof the foundational skills peopledevelopinmyseminars.Theylearnhowtoquicklychangetheirstatefrombeingafraid and "knowing" they can't do something, to knowing they can do it andbeing able to take effective action. Developing experiences like this inwhichyou changequicklygives you tremendouspower in your life—somethingyoucan'tfullyappreciateuntilyoureallytryitforyourself.Thesecondskill is thatyoushouldbeable tochangestateconsistently inanyenvironment—maybe inanenvironment thatused tomakeyouuncomfortable,but in which you can now change your state time and again, conditioningyourselfuntilyoufeelgoodnomatterwhereyouare.Thethirdskill,ofcourse,is toestablisha setofhabitualpatternsofusingyourphysiologyand focussothat you consistently feel good without any conscious effort whatsoever. Mydefinitionofsuccessistoliveyourlife inaway thatcausesyou to feel tonsofpleasureandvery littlepain—andbecauseofyour lifestyle,have thepeoplearoundyou feel a lotmorepleasurethantheydopain.Someonewho'sachievedalotbutislivinginemotionalpainallthetime,orissurroundedbypeopleinpainallthetime,isn'ttrulysuccessful.Thefourthgoalistoenableotherstochangetheirstateinstantly,tochangetheirstate inanyenvironment,and tochange their state for theirwhole life.This iswhatmyfranchiseeslearntobeabletodointheirseminarsandintheirone-on-oneworkwithpeople.So,whatdoyouneedtorememberfromthischapter?Allthatyoureallywantinlife is to change how you feel. Again, all your emotions are nothing butbiochemicalstormsinyourbrain,andyouareincontrolofthematanymomentin time.You can feel ecstasy right now,or you can feel painor depressionoroverwhelmed—it'salluptoyou.Youdon'tneeddrugsoranythingelsetodoit.There are much more effective ways and, as you learned in the chapter on

beliefs, drugs can be overpowered by the chemicals you create in your ownbody,bychangingyourfocusandthewayyou'reusingyourphysiology.Thesechemicalsaremuchmorepowerfulthanvirtuallyanyoutsidesubstance."Every great and commanding moment in the annals of the world is the

triumphofsomeenthusiasm."RALPHWALDOEMERSONDOYOUKNOWHOWTOMAKEYOURSELFFEELGOOD?On a business trip to Toronto, I felt physically stressed because of intense

backpain;Astheplanedescended,IbegantothinkaboutwhatIneededtodowhenIgottomyhotel.Itwouldalreadybe10:30p.m.,andIhadtobeupearlythe nextmorning to conductmy seminar. I could eat something—after all, I'dhad nothing all day—but it was awfully late. I could do my paperwork andwatch the news. In that moment I realized all of these actions were merelystrategies for getting out of pain and into some level of pleasure.Yet none ofthemwereallthatcompelling.Ineededtoexpandmylistofwaystoexperiencepleasure,regardlessofthetimeorplace.So do you know how to make yourself feel good? This sounds like a stupidquestion,doesn't it?But really, doyouhavea set of specific andempoweringwaystomakeyourselffeelgoodatamoment'snotice?Canyouaccomplishthiswithout the use of food, alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, or other addictive sources?I'msureyouhaveafew,butlet'sexpandthelist.Rightnow,let'sidentifysomeofthepositivechoicesyoualreadyhaveformakingyourselffeelgood.Sitdownrightnowandwritedowna listof things thatyoucurrentlydo tochangehowyoufeel.Aslongasyou'remakingalist,whynotaddsomenewthingsyoumaynothavetriedbeforethatcouldpositivelychangeyourstateaswell?Don'tstopuntilyouhaveaminimumoffifteenwaystoinstantlyfeelgood,andthe ideal would be at least twenty-five. This is an exercise youmay want tocomeback to again until youhavehundreds ofways!When Imade a list formyself,IrealizedthatplayingmusicwasoneofthemostpowerfulwaysIcouldchange my state quickly. Reading was another way to feel good because itchanged my focus, and I love to learn—especially reading somethinginstructionaland informational, something Ican immediatelyapply tomy life.ChangingmybodymovementsissomethingIcandoinstantlytobreakoutofalimiting stateand intoa resourcefulone: exercisingonmyStairMaster™withthemusiccrankingfulltilt,jumpingupanddownonmyrebounderunit,runningfivemilesuphill,swimminglaps.Herearesomeothers:dancing,singingalongwithmyfavoriteCDs,watchingacomedyfilm,goingtoaconcert,listeningtoinformationalaudiotapes.Takinga

Jacuzzi,awarmbath.Makinglovewithmywife.Havingafamilydinnerwhereweallsitdownatthetableandchataboutwhat'smostimportanttous.Huggingandkissingmychildren,huggingandkissingBecky.TakingBeckytoamovielikeGhostwherewesitinourseats,inpuddlesoftears.Creatinganewidea,anewcompany,anewconcept.RefiningorimprovinganythingthatI'mcurrentlydoing.Creatinganything.Tellingjokestofriends.DoinganythingthatmakesmefeellikeI'mcontributing.Conductinganyofmyseminars,especiallyhugeones(one of my favorite submodalities). Polishing up my memories, vividlyrememberingawonderfulexperienceI'vehadrecentlyorinthepastwithinmyjournal.1._____________________________________________________________

2._____________________________________________________________3._____________________________________________________________4._____________________________________________________________5._____________________________________________________________6._____________________________________________________________7._____________________________________________________________8._____________________________________________________________9._____________________________________________________________10._____________________________________________________________11._____________________________________________________________12._____________________________________________________________13._____________________________________________________________14._____________________________________________________________15._____________________________________________________________16._____________________________________________________________17._____________________________________________________________18._____________________________________________________________19._____________________________________________________________20._____________________________________________________________21._____________________________________________________________22._____________________________________________________________23._____________________________________________________________24._____________________________________________________________25._____________________________________________________________IFYOUDON'THAVEAPLANFORPLEASURE,YOUWILLHAVEPAINThewholekeyhereistocreateahugelistofwaystomakeyourselffeelgood

soyoudon'tneedtoturntothoseotherwaysthataredestructive.Ifyoulinkpain

tothedestructivehabitsandmoreandmorepleasuretothesenewempoweringones,you'llfindthatmostofthemareaccessiblemostofthetime.Makethislistareality;developaplanforpleasureforeachandeveryday.Don'tjustrandomlyhope that pleasure will somehow show up; set yourself up for ecstasy.Makeroomforit!Whatwe'retalkingabout,again, isconditioningyournervoussys-tem,yourbody,andyourmentalfocussothatitsearchesconstantlytoseehoweverythinginyourlifebenefitsyou.Justrememberthatifyoucontinuetohavealimiting emotional pattern, it's because you are using your body in a habitualway,orarecontinuingtofocusinacertaindisempoweringway.Ifit'syourfocusthatneedstobeshifted,thereisoneincredibletoolthatcanchangeitinstantly.Youmustknowthat...

QUESTIONSARETHEANSWER

"Hewhoasksquestionscannotavoidtheanswers."CAMEROONPROVERBTheyneedednoreason.TheycamesimplybecausehewasofJewishdescent.

TheNazisstormedintohishome,arrestinghimandhisentirefamily.Soontheywere herded like cattle, packed into a train, and then sent to a death camp inKrakow. His most disturbing nightmares could never have prepared him forseeinghisfamilyshotbeforehisveryeyes.Howcouldhelivethroughthehorrorof seeinghis child's clothingonanotherbecausehis sonwasnowdeadas theresultofa"shower"?Somehow he continued.One day he looked at the nightmare around him andconfrontedaninescapabletruth:ifhestayedthereevenonemoreday,hewouldsurelydie.Hemadeadecisionthathemustescapeandthatescapemusthappenimmediately!Heknewnothow,hesimplyknewhemust.Forweekshe'daskedtheotherprisoners, "Howcanweescape thishorribleplace?"The answershereceivedseemedalwaystobethesame:"Don'tbeafool,"theysaid,"thereisnoescape!Askingsuchquestionswillonlytortureyoursoul.Justworkhardandprayyousurvive."Buthecouldn'tacceptthis—hewouldn'taccept it.He becameobsessedwith escape, and evenwhenhis answers didn'tmakeanysense,hekeptaskingoverandoveragain, "Howcan Ido it?Theremustbeaway.HowcanIgetoutofherehealthy,alive,today?"Itissaidthatifyouask,youshallreceive.Andforsomereason,onthisdayhegothisanswer.Perhapsitwastheintensitywithwhichheaskedhisquestion,ormaybeitwashissenseofcertaintythat"nowisthetime."Orpossiblyitwasjustthe impactofcontinually focusingon theanswer tooneburningquestion.Forwhateverreason,thegiantpowerofthehumanmindandspiritawakenedinthisman.Theanswercametohimthroughanunlikelysource:thesickeningsmellofdecayinghumanflesh.There,onlyafewfeetfromhiswork,hesawahugepileof bodies that had been shoveled into the back of a truck—men,women, andchildrenwhohadbeengassed.Thegoldfillingshadbeenpulledfromtheirteeth;everythingthattheyowned—anyjewelry—-eventheirclothing,hadbeentaken.Insteadofasking,"HowcouldtheNazisbesodespicable,sodestructive?Howcould God make something so evil? Why has God done this to me?,"StanislavskyLechaskedadifferentquestion.Heasked,"HowcanIusethistoescape?"Andinstantlyhegothisanswer.

Astheendofthedaynearedandtheworkpartyheadedbackintothebarracks,Lechduckedbehindthetruck.Inaheartbeat,herippedoffhisclothesanddovenakedintothepileofbodieswhilenoonewaslooking.Hepretendedthathewasdead,remainingtotallystilleventhoughlaterhewasalmostcrushedasmoreandmorebodieswereheapedontopofhim.The fetid smell of rotting flesh, the rigid remains of the dead surrounded himeverywhere. He waited and waited, hoping that no one would notice the onelivingbodyinthatpileofdeath,hopingthatsoonerorlaterthetruckwoulddriveoff.Finally,heheardthesoundoftheenginestarting.Hefeltthetruckshudder.Andinthatmoment,hefeltastirringofhopeashelayamongthedead.Eventually,hefeltthetrucklurchtoastop,andthenitdumpeditsghastlycargo—dozensofthe dead and one man pretending to be one of them—in a giant open graveoutsidethecamp.Lechremainedthereforhoursuntilnightfall.Whenhefinallyfelt certain no one was there, he extracted himself from the mountain ofcadavers,andherannakedtwenty-fivemilestofreedom.Whatwas the difference between Stanislavsky Lech and somany otherswhoperishedintheconcentrationcamps?While,ofcourse,thereweremanyfactors,one critical difference was that he asked a different question. He askedpersistently, he asked with expectation of receiving an answer, and his braincameupwithasolutionthatsavedhislife.ThequestionsheaskedhimselfthatdayinKrakowcausedhimtomakesplit-seconddecisionsthatledtoactionsthatsignificantlyimpactedhisdestiny.Butbeforehecouldgettheanswer,makethedecisions,andtakethoseactions,hehadtoaskhimselftherightquestions.Throughout this bookyou've learnedhowour beliefs affect our decisions, ouractions, the direction of our lives, and therefore our ultimate destiny. But alltheseinfluencesareaproductofthinking—ofthewayyourbrainhasevaluatedandcreatedmeaningthroughoutyourentirelife.Sotogettothebottomofhowwecreateourrealityonadailybasisweneedtoanswerthequestion,"Justhowdowethink?"

OURQUESTIONSDETERMINEOURTHOUGHTS

Oneday,IwasthinkingaboutimportanteventsinmyownlifeandinthelivesofpeopleIhadencounteredalongtheway.Ihadmetsomanypeople,fortunateand unfortunate, successful and unsuccessful; I really wanted to know whatallowedsuccessfulpeopletoachievegreatthings,while others with similar or better backgrounds disappeared over the tails ofNiagara.SoIaskedmyself,"Whatreallymakesthebiggestdifferenceinmylife,in who I become, in who I am as a person, and in where I am going?" TheanswerIcameupwithwasoneI'vealreadysharedwithyou."It'snottheeventsthat shapemy life thatdeterminehowI feel andact,but, rather, it's theway Iinterpretandevaluatemylifeexperiences.ThemeaningIattachtoaneventwilldeterminethedecisionsImake,theactionsItake,andthereforemyultimatedestiny.But,"Iaskedmyself,"howdoIgoaboutevaluating?Whatexactlyisanevaluation?"Ithought,"Well,rightnowI'mevaluating,aren'tI?I'mtryingtoevaluatehowtodescribewhatanevaluationis.WhatamIdoingrightnow?"AndthenIrealizedI had just been asking myself a series of questions, and obviously thosequestionswere:HowdoIgoaboutevaluating?Whatexactlyisanevaluation?RightnowI'mevaluating,aren'tI?WhatamIdoingrightnow?ThenIthought,"Isitpossiblethatevaluationsarenothingbutquestions?"AndIstartedlaughingandthought,"Well,isn'tthataquestion?"I began to realize that thinking itself is nothing but the process of asking andansweringquestions.Ifafterreadingthisyou'rethinking,"That'strue,"or"That'snottrue,"youhadtoaskyourself—eitherconsciouslyorunconsciously—aquestion,andthatquestionwas,"Isthistrue?"Orevenifyouthought,"Ineedtothinkaboutthat,"whatyou'rereallysayingis,"1needtoaskmyselfsomequestionsaboutthat.Ineedtoconsiderthatforamoment."Asyouconsiderit,you'llbegintoquestionit.Weneedtorealizethatmostofwhatwedo,dayinanddayout,isaskandanswerquestions.Soifwewanttochangethequalityofour lives,we shouldchangeourhabitualquestions.Thesequestionsdirectourfocus,andthereforehowwethinkandhowwefeel.The masters of question asking, of course, are kids. How many millions ofquestionsdo theyconstantlybombarduswithas they'regrowingup?Whydo

you think that is? Is it just to drive us crazy?We need to realize that they'reconstantlymakingevaluationsastowhatthingsmeanandwhattheyshoulddo.They'restartingtocreateneuroassociationsthatwillguidetheirfutures.They'relearningmachines,andthewayto learn, to think, tomakenewconnections, isinitiatedbyquestions—eitherquestionsweaskofourselvesorothers.Thisentirebookandmylife'swork is theresultofmyaskingquestionsaboutwhatmakesusalldowhatwedoandhowwecanproducechangemorequicklyandeasilythanithasbeendonebefore.Questionsaretheprimarywaythatwelearnvirtuallyanything. In fact, theentireSocraticmethod (awayof teachingthat dates back to the ancient Greek philosopher Socrates) is based upon theteacher doing nothing but asking questions, directing the students' focus, andgettingthemtocomeupwiththeirownanswers.When I realized the incredible power of questions to shape our thoughts andliterallyoureveryresponsetoourexperiences,Iwentona"questforquestions."Ibegantonoticehowoftenquestionsappearedinourculture.GameslikeTrivialPursuit,Jeopardy!,andScrupleswereall therage.TheBookofQuestions—anentirebookofnothingbutquestionstomakeyouthinkaboutyourlifeandyourvalues,wasabestseller.AdsonTVand inprint asked, "Whatbecomesa legendmost?" "Howdoyouspellrelief?""Isitsoupyet?"SpikeLeeasksMichaelJordan"Isittheshoes?"inaTVadforNike'sAirJordanbasketballshoes.Inotonlywantedtoknowwhatquestionswewereaskingasasociety,butIalsowantedtodiscoverthequestionsthatmadeadifferenceinpeople'slives.Iaskedpeopleinmyseminars, inairplanes,inmeetings;IaskedeveryoneImet,fromCEOs in high-rises to homeless people on the street, trying to discover thequestionsthatcreatedtheirexperienceofday-to-daylife.Irealizedthatthemaindifferencebetweenthepeoplewhoseemedtobesuccessful—inanyarea!—andthosewhoweren'twasthat successful people asked better questions, and as a result, they got betteranswers.Theygotanswersthatempoweredthemtoknowexactlywhattodoinanysituationtoproducetheresultstheydesired.Qualityquestionscreateaqualitylife.Youneedtobumthisideaintoyourbrain,because it's as important as anything else you'll learn in this book.Businessessucceedwhen thosewhomake the decisions that control their destiny ask theright questions about markets or strategies or product lines. Relationshipsflourishwhenpeopleasktherightquestionsaboutwherepotentialconflictsexistand how to support each other instead of tearing each other down. Politicianswinelectionswhenthequestionstheyraise—whetherexplicitlyorimplicitly—

provideanswersthatworkforthemandtheircommunity.When the automobile was in its infancy, hundreds of people tinkered withbuildingthem,butHenryFordasked,"HowcanImass-produceit?"Millionschafedundercommunism,butLechWalesaasked,"HowcanIraisethestandard of living for all working men and women?" Questions set off aprocessionaleffectthathasanimpactbeyondourimagination.Questioningourlimitations is what tears down thewalls in life—in business, in relationships,betweencountries.Ibelieveallhumanprogressisprecededbynewquestions.

THEPOWEROFQUESTIONS

"Somemenseethingsastheyare,andsay,'Why?'Idreamofthingsthatneverwere,andsay,'Whynot?'"GEORGEBERNARDSHAWMostofus,whenweseesomeoneofextraordinarycapabilityorsomeonewho

seemstohaveasuperhumancapacitytodealwithlife'schallenges,thinkthingslike, "They're so lucky! They're so talented! They must have been born thatway."Butinreality,thehumanbrainhasthecapacitytoproduceanswersfasterthanthe"smartest"computeronearth,evenconsideringtoday's microtechnology with computers that calculate in nanoseconds(billionthsofasecond).ItwouldtaketwobuildingsthesizeoftheWorldTradeCentertohousethestoragecapacityofyourbrain!Yetthisthree-poundlumpofgraymattercangiveyoumorefirepowerinstantlyfor coming up with solutions to challenges and creating powerful emotionalsensationsthananythinginman'svastarsenaloftechnology.Justlikeacomputerboastingtremendouscapacity,withoutanunderstandingofhow to retrieve and utilize all that's been stored, the brain's capacity meansnothing. I'm sure you've known someone (maybe even yourself) who haspurchasedanewcomputer systemandneverused it simplybecauseheor shedidn'tfigureouthow.Ifyouwantaccesstothefilesofvaluableinformationinacomputer,youmustunderstandhowtoretrievethedatabyaskingforitwiththeproper commands.Likewise,what enablesyou toget anythingyouwant fromyourownpersonaldatabanksisthecommandingpowerofaskingquestions."Alwaysthebeautifulanswerwhoasksamorebeautifulquestion."

E.E.CUMMINGSI'mheretotellyouthatthedifferencebetweenpeopleisthedifferenceinthe

questions theyaskconsistently.Somepeople aredepressedona regularbasis.Why?Aswe revealed in the last chapter, part of the problem is their limitedstates. They conduct their lives with limited movements and hamstrungphysiology, but more importantly, they focus on things that make them feeloverloaded and overwhelmed. Their pattern of focus and evaluation seriouslylimitstheiremotionalexperienceoflife.Couldthispersonchangehowtheyfeelinamoment?Youbet—justbychangingmentalfocus.Sowhat'sthequickestwaytochangefocus?Simplybyaskinganewquestion.When people are depressed, it is more than likely due to asking themselves

disempowering questions on a regular basis, questions like: "What's the use?Whyeven try, since thingsnever seem toworkoutanyway?Whyme,Lord?"Remember,askandyoushallreceive.Ifyouaskaterriblequestion,you'llgetaterribleanswer.Yourmentalcomputeriseverreadytoserveyou,andwhateverquestionyougiveit,itwillsurelycomeupwithananswer.Soifyouask,"Whycan'tIeversucceed?,"itwill tellyou—evenifithastomakesomethingup!Itmightcomeupwithananswer like, "Becauseyou're stupid,"or "Becauseyoudon'tdeservetodowellanyway."Now,what'sanexampleofbrilliantquestions?Howaboutmygoodfriend,W.Mitchell?IfyoureadUnlimitedPower,youknowhisstory.Howdoyouthinkhewasabletosurvivehavingtwo-thirdsofhisbodyburnedandstillfeelgoodabouthis life?Howcouldhe thenendureanairplaneaccidentyears later, losethe use of his legs, and be confined to a wheelchair—and still find a way toenjoycontributingtoothers?Helearnedtocontrolhisfocusbyaskingtherightquestions.Whenhefoundhimselfinthehospital,withhisbodyburnedbeyondrecognition,andsurroundedbyalargenumberofotherpatientsinthewardwhowerefeelingsorryfor themselves,patientswhowereaskingthemselves,"Whyme?How couldGod do this tome?Why is life so unfair?What's the use oflivingasa'cripple'?,"Mitchellchoseinsteadtoaskhimself,"HowcanIusethis?Becauseofthis,whatwillIbeabletocontributetoothers?"Thesequestionsarewhatcreated thedifference indestinies:"Whyme?"rarelyproducesapositiveresult,while"Howcan Iuse this?"usually leadsus in thedirectionof turningourdifficultiesintoadrivingforcetomakeourselvesandtheworldbetter.Mitchellrealizedthatbeinghurt,angry,andfrustratedwouldn'tchangehislife,soinsteadoflookingatwhathedidn'thave,hesaidtohimself,"WhatdoIstillhave?Whoam I really?Am I reallyonlymybody,or am I somethingmore?What am I capable of now, even more so than before?" After his airplaneaccident,while in the hospital and paralyzed from thewaist down, hemet anincrediblyattractivewoman,anursenamedAnnie.Withhisentirefaceburnedoff,hisbodyparalyzedfromthewaistdown,hehadtheaudacitytoask:"HowcouldIgetadatewithher?"Hisbuddiessaid,"You're insane.You'redeludingyourself."Butayearandahalf later,heandAnniewereinarelationship,andtodayshe'shiswife.That'sthebeautyofaskingempoweringquestions:theybringusanirreplaceableresource:answersandsolutions.Questionsdetermineeverythingyoudoinlife,from your abilities to your relationships to your income. For example, manypeople fail to commit to a relationship simply because they keep askingquestionsthatcreatedoubt:"Whatifthere'ssomebodybetteroutthere?WhatifIcommit myself now and miss out?" What terribly disempowering questions!

Thisfuelsthefearthatthegrasswillalwaysbegreenerontheothersideofthefence,anditkeepsyoufrombeingabletoenjoywhatyoualreadyhaveinyourown life. Sometimes these same people destroy the relationships they doeventuallyhavewithmoreterriblequestions:"Howcomeyoualwaysdothistome?Why don't you appreciateme?What if I were to leave right now—howwouldthatmakeyoufeel?"Comparethiswith"HowdidIgetsoluckytohaveyouinmylife?WhatdoIlovethemostaboutmyhusband/wife?Howmuch richerwill our lives be as a result of ourrelationship?"Think of the questions you habitually ask yourself in the area of finances.Invariably,ifapersonisn'tdoingwellfinancially,it'sbecausethey'recreatingagreatdealoffearintheirlife—fearthatkeepsthemfrominvestingormasteringtheir finances in the first place.Theyaskquestions like "What toysdo Iwantright now?" instead of "What plan do I need in order to achievemy ultimatefinancial goals?"The questions you askwill determinewhere you focus, howyou think,howyoufeel,andwhatyoudo. Ifwewant tochangeour finances,we'vegottoholdourselvestohigherstandards,changeourbeliefsaboutwhat'spossible, and develop a better strategy. One of the things that I've noticed inmodelingsomeoftoday'sfinancialgiantsisthattheyconsistentlyaskdifferentquestions than themasses—questions that often run counter to even themostwidelyacceptedfinancial"wisdom."Currently, there is no denying that Donald Trump is experiencing financialchallenges.For almost a decade, though, hewas clearly an economickingpin.Howdid he do it?Thereweremany factors, but one that virtually everybodyagrees on is that in themid-seventies,whenNewYorkCity faced bankruptcyandmostdevelopersfrettedoverquestionslike"Howwillwesurviveifthiscitygoes under?," Trump asked a unique question: "How can I get rich whileeveryoneelseisafraid?"Thisonequestionhelpedtoshapemanyofhisbusinessdecisionsandclearlyledhimtothepositionofeconomicdominanceheenjoyed.Trumpdidn'tstopthere.Healsoaskedanothergreatquestion,onewhichwouldbe good to emulate before making any financial investments. Once he wasconvincedthataprojecthadtremendouspotentialforeconomicgain,hewouldthen ask, "What's the downside?What's theworst that can happen, and can Ihandle it?" His belief was that if he knew he could handle the worst-casescenario,thenheshoulddothedealbecausetheupsidewouldtakecareofitself.Soifheaskedsuchshrewdquestions,whathappened?Trump had put deals together that no one else would have considered duringthose economically stressful times. He had taken over the old Commodore

buildingand turned it into theGrandHyatt (his firstmajoreconomicsuccess).And when the tide turned, he had won big. However, he eventually ran intomajor economic trouble.Why?Many say he changed what he focused on inmakinginvestments.Hebegantoaskquestionslike"WhatcanIenjoyowning?"insteadof"Whatisthemostprofitabledeal?"Worse,somesayTrumpbegantobelieve he was invincible, and as a result he stopped asking his "downside"questions.This singlechange inhis evaluationprocedure—in thequestionshewasaskinghimself—mayhavecosthimagoodpartofhisfortune.Remember,it'snotonly thequestionsyouask,but thequestionsyou/ail toask, that shapeyourdestiny.Ifthere'sonethingI'velearnedinseekingoutthecorebeliefsandstrategiesoftoday'sleadingminds,it'sthatsuperiorevaluationscreateasuperiorlife.Weallhave the capacity to evaluate life at a level that produces outstanding results.Whatdoyouthinkofwhenyouheartheword"genius"?Ifyou'relikeme,whatimmediatelycomestomindisapictureofAlbertEinstein.ButhowdidEinsteinmove beyond his failed high school education into the realm of truly greatthinkers?Undoubtedly,itwasbecauseheaskedsupremelyformulatedquestions.AsEinsteinwasfirstexploringtheideaoftimeandspacerelativity,heasked,"Isitpossiblethatthingsthatseemsimultaneousarenotreallyso?"Forexample,ifyouareafewmilesawayfromasonicboom,doyouhearitattheexactmomentit occurs in space? Einstein conjectured that you do not, that what youexperienceashappeninginthatmomentisnotreallyhappeningthen,butratheroccurred only amoment ago. In day-to-day life, he reasoned, time is relativedependingonhowyouoccupyyourmind.Einsteinoncesaid,"Whenamansitswithaprettygirlforanhour,itseemslikeaminute.Butlethimsitonahotstoveforaminuteandit'slongerthananyhour.That'srelativity."Heconjecturedfurtherintotherealmofphysics,andbelievingthat thespeedof light is fixed,hefoundhimselfasking thequestion,"What ifyoucouldputlightaboardarocket?Woulditsspeedbeincreasedthen?"Intheprocessofansweringthesefascinatingquestions,andotherslikethem,Einsteinpostulatedhisrenownedtheoryofrelativity."Theimportantthingisnottostopquestioning.

Curiosityhasitsownreasonforexisting.Onecannothelpbutbeinawewhenhecontemplatesthemysteriesofeternity,oflife,ofthemarvelousstructureofreality.Itisenoughifonetriesmerelytocomprehendalittleofthismysteryeveryday.Neverloseaholycuriosity."ALBERTEINSTEIN

The powerful distinctions that Einstein made resulted from a series ofquestions.Weretheysimple?Yes.Weretheypowerful?Absolutely.Whatpowercould you unleash by asking some equally simple but powerful questions?Questionsareundeniablyamagictoolthatallowsthegenieinourmindstomeetourwishes; theyare thewake-upcall toourgiantcapacities.Theyallowus toachieveourdesiresifonlywepresentthemintheformofaspecificandwell-thought-out request. A genuine quality of life comes from consistent, qualityquestions.Remember,yourbrain,likethegenie,willgiveyouwhateveryouaskofit.Sobecarefulwhatyouaskfor—whateveryoulookforyou'llfind.Sowithallthispowerbetweenourears,whyaren'tmorepeople"happy,healthy,wealthy, and wise"? Why are so many frustrated, feeling like there are noanswersintheirlives?Oneansweristhatwhentheyaskquestions,theylackthecertainty that causes the answers to come to them, andmost importantly, theyfail to consciously ask empowering questions of themselves. They runroughshod over this critical process with no forethought or sensitivity to thepowertheyareabusingorfailingtoignitebytheirlackoffaith.Aclassicexampleofthisisapersonwhowantstoloseweightand"can't."It'snot that they can't: it's that their present plan of evaluatingwhat to eat is notsupportingthem.Theyaskquestionslike"Whatwouldmakemefeelmostfull?"and"Whatisthesweetest,richestfoodIcangetawaywith?"Thisleadsthemtoselectfoodsfilledwithfatandsugar—aguaranteeofmoreunhappiness.Whatifinstead they asked questions like "What would really nourish me?," "What'ssomethinglightthatIcaneatthatwouldgivemeenergy?,"or"Willthiscleanseorclogme?"Betteryet,theycouldask,"IfIeatthis,whatwillIhavetogiveupinordertostillachievemygoals?What'stheultimatepriceI'llpayifIdon'tstopthisindulgencenow?"Byaskingquestionslikethis,they'llassociatepaintoovereating,andtheirbehaviorwillchangeimmediately.To change your life for the better, you must change your habitual questions.Remember, the patterns of questions you consistently ask will create eitherenervation or enjoyment, indignation or inspiration,misery ormagic.Ask thequestions that will uplift your spirit and push you along the path of humanexcellence.

HOWQUESTIONSWORK

Questionsaccomplishthreespecificthings:1.Questionsimmediatelychangewhatwe'refocusingonandthereforehowwefeel.Ifyoukeepaskingquestionslike"HowcomeI'msodepressed?"or"Whydoesn't anybody likeme?" youwill focus on, look for, and find references tobackuptheideathatthereisareasonforyoutofeeldepressedandunloved.Asaresult,you'llstayinthoseunresourcefulstates.Ifinsteadyouask,"HowcanIchangemystatesothatIamfeelinghappyandambeingmorelovable?,"you'llfocusonsolutions.Evenifyourbraininitiallyresponds,"There'snothingIcando," but like Stanislavsky Lech or W. Mitchell you persist with a sense ofcertainty and expectation in spite of it all, then eventually you will get theanswers you need and deserve. You will come up with authentic reasons forfeelingbetter,andasyoufocusonthem,youremotionalstatewillimmediatelyfollowsuit.There'sabigdifferencebetweenanaffirmationandaquestion.Whenyousaytoyourself,"I'mhappy;I'mhappy;I'mhappy,"thismightcauseyoutofeelhappyif you produce enough emotional intensity, change your physiology andthereforeyourstate.Butinreality,youcanmakeaffirmationsalldaylongandnot really change how you feel.What will really change the way you feel isasking,"WhatamIhappyaboutnow?WhatcouldIbehappyaboutifIwantedtobe?Howwouldthatmakemefeel?"Ifyoukeepaskingquestions like this,you'llcomeupwithreal references thatwillmake you begin to focus on reasons that do in fact exist for you to feelhappy.You'llfeelcertainthatyou'rehappy.Insteadofjust"pumpingyouup,"questionsprovideyouwithactualreasonstofeel the emotion. You and I can change how we feel in an instant, just bychangingourfocus.Mostofusdon'trealizethepowerofmemorymanagement.Isn'tittruethatyouhavetreasuredmomentsinyourlifethatifallyoudidwasfocusonthemandthinkaboutthemyou'dimmediatelyfeelwonderfulagaininthismomentnow?Perhapsitwasthebirthofachild,yourweddingday,oryourfirst date. Questions are the guide to those moments. If you ask yourselfquestionslike"Whataremymosttreasuredmemories?"or"What'sreallygreatinmyliferightnow?"andyoucanseriouslyconsider thequestion,you'llstartthinkingofexperiencesthatmakeyoufeelabsolutelyphenomenal.Andinthatphenomenal emotional state, you'll not only feel better, but you'll be able tocontributemoretothosearoundyou.

The challenge, as youmay have guessed, is thatmost of us are on automaticpilot. By failing to consciously control the habitual questions we ask, weseverelylimitouremotionalrangeandthusourabilitytoutilizetheresourcesathand. The solution? As we covered in Chapter 6, the first step is to becomeawareofwhatyouwantanddiscoveryouroldlimitingpattern.Getleverage:askyourself,"IfIdon'tchangethis,what is theultimateprice?Whatwill thiscostmeinthelongrun?"and"HowwillmywholelifebetransformedifIdidthisrightnow?"; interrupt thepattern(ifyou'veever feltpain, thenbeendistractedand not felt it, you know how effective this is); create a new, empoweringalternativewithasetofbetterquestions;andthenconditionthembyrehearsingthemuntiltheybecomeaconsistentpartofyourlife.

ASKILLOFPOWER

Learningtoaskempoweringquestionsinmomentsofcrisisisacriticalskillthathaspulledmethroughsomeofthetoughesttimesinmylife.I'llneverforgetthemomentIdiscoveredaformerassociatedoingaseminarandclaimingcreditformaterialIhaddeveloped,wordforword.Myfirstimpulsewastoaskthingslike"Howdarehe!Howcouldhehavethenervetodothis?,"butIsoonrealizedthatgettinginvolvedinthesekindsofunanswerablequestionswouldonlywhipmeintoafrenzy,creatinganendlessloopoutofwhichthereseemednoescape.Theguydidwhathedid—IrealizedIshouldsimplyallowmyattorneystoapplythepain-pleasureprincipletostraightenhimout—sowhyshouldIhavestayedinanangrystateinthemeantime?Idecidedtomoveonandenjoymylife,butas long as I kept asking, "How could he do this to me?," I'd remain in thisnegative state.The fastestway tochangemystatewouldbe toaska seriesofnewquestions.SoIaskedmyself,"WhatdoIrespectabout thisguy?"Atfirstmy brain screamed, "Nothing!" but then I asked, "What could I respect abouthim if Iwanted to?," and finally I cameupwithananswer: "Well, I'vegot toadmit that he's not sitting around passively; at least he's using what I taughthim!" This made me laugh and definitely broke my pattern, enabling me tochangemystate,reassessmyoptions,andfeelgoodabouttheirpursuit.Oneoftheways that I'vediscovered to increase thequalityofmy life is tomodel thehabitualquestionsofpeopleIreallyrespect.Ifyoufindsomeonewho'sextremelyhappy,Icanguaranteeyouthatthereisareason.It is that thisperson focusesconsistentlyon things thatmake themhappy,andthis means that they're asking questions about happiness. Find out theirquestions,usethem,andyou'llbegintofeelthewaytheydo.Somequestionswewillsimplynotconsider.WaltDisney,forinstance,refusedtoentertainanyquestionsaboutwhetherhisorganizationscouldsucceedornot.But that doesn't mean that the creator of the Magic Kingdom did not usequestions in more resourceful ways. My grandfather, Charles Shows, was awriterwithDisneybeforehewenton toworkwithHanna-BarberadevelopingsuchcartooncharactersasYogiBearandHuckleberryHound.Oneofthethingshe shared with me was that anytime they were working on a new project orscript,Disneyhadauniquewayofrequestinginput.Hedesignatedawholewallon which he would display the project, script, or idea, and everyone in thecompanywouldcomebyandwritedowntheanswerstothequestion:"Howcanwe improve this?"They'dwrite solution after solution, covering thewallwith

suggestions.ThenDisneywouldrevieweveryone'sanswerstothequestionhe'dasked. In thisway,WaltDisney accessed the resources of every person in hiscompany,andthenproducedresultscommensuratewiththatqualityofinput.The answers we receive depend upon the questions we're willing to ask. Forexample,ifyou'refeelingreallyangry,andsomebodysays,"What'sgreataboutthis?,"youmaynotbewillingtorespond.Butifyouvaluelearninghighly,youmightbewillingtoansweryourownquestionsof,"WhatcanIleamfromthissituation?HowcanIusethissituation?"Yourdesirefornewdistinctionswillcauseyoutotakethetimetoansweryourquestions,andinsodoing,you'llchangeyourfocus,yourstate,andtheresultsyou'regetting.Askyourselfsomeempoweringquestionsrightnow.Whatareyoutrulyhappyaboutinyourliferightnow?What'sreallygreatinyourlifetoday?Whatareyoutruly grateful for? Take amoment to think about the answers and notice howgooditfeelstoknowthatyouhavelegitimatereasonsforyoutofeelgreatnow.2. Questions change what we delete. Human beings are marvelous "deletioncreatures."YouandIhavesomanymillionsof thingsgoingonaroundus thatwecanfocusonrightnow,fromthebloodflowingthroughourearstothewindthatmaybebrushingagainstourarms.However,wecanconsciouslyfocusononlyasmallnumberof thingssimultaneously.Unconsciously, themindcandoallsortsofthings,butconsciouslywe'relimitedintermsofthenumberofthingswe can focus on simultaneously. So the brain spends a good deal of its timetrying toprioritizewhat topayattention to,andmore importantly,whatnot topayattentionto,orwhatto"delete."Ifyou'refeelingreallysad,thereisonlyonereason:it'sbecauseyou'redeletingallthereasonsyoucouldbefeelinggood.Andityou'refeelinggood,it'sbecauseyou're deleting all the bad things you could be focusingon.Sowhenyou asksomeone a question, you change what they're focusing on and what they'redeleting.Ifsomeoneasksyou,"AreyouasfrustratedasIamwiththisproject?,"evenifyouweren'tfrustratedbefore,youmaybegintofocusonwhatyouweredeleting previously, and youmay start to feel bad, too. If someone asks you,"What's really lousy in your life?," then you may be compelled to answer,regardlessofhowridiculousthequestionis.Ifyoudon'tansweritconsciously,thenthequestioncanstickinyourmindunconsciously.Conversely, if you're asked, "What's really great in your life?," and you keepfocusingontheanswer,youmightfindyourselffeelingexcellentimmediately.Ifsomeonesays,"Youknowthisprojectreallyisgreat.Have you ever thought about the impactwe're going to have because ofwhatwe've created here?," you might become inspired by a project that seemed

laborious.Questionsarethelaserofhumanconsciousness.They concentrate our focus and determine what we feel and do. Stop for amomentandasyoulookaroundtheroom,askyourselfaquestion:"Whatinthisroomisbrown?"Lookaroundandseeit:brown,brown,brown.Now,lookdownat thispage.Blockingoffyourperipheralvision, thinkofeverythingthat's . . .green.Ifyou'reinaroomyouknowverywell,youcanprobablydothiseasily,but if you're in a strange room, chances are that you'll remember a lot morebrown than green.So now look around andnoticewhat's green: green, green,green. Do you see more green this time? Again, if you're in an unfamiliarenvironment,I'msureyouranswerisyes.Whatdoesthisteachus?Whateverwelookforwe'llfind.So,ityou'reangry,oneofthebestthingsyoucouldaskyourselfis,"HowcanIlearnfromthisproblemsothatthisneverhappensagain?"Thisisanexampleofaqualityquestion,inthatitwillleadyoufromyourcurrentchallengetofindingresources that cankeepyou fromhaving thispain in the future.Untilyouaskthis question you're deleting the possibility that this problem is really anopportunity.

THEPOWEROFPRESUPPOSITION

Questions have the power to affect our beliefs and thus what we considerpossibleorimpossible.AswelearnedinChapter4,askingpenetratingquestionscan weaken the reference legs of disempowering beliefs, enabling us todismantle them and replace them with more empowering ones. But did yourealizethatthespecificwordsweselectandtheveryorderofthewordsthatweuse inaquestioncancauseus tonotevenconsidercertain thingswhile takingothersforgranted?Thisisknownasthepowerofpresupposition,somethingofwhichyoushouldbeveryaware.Presuppositionsprogramus to accept things thatmayormaynot be true, andthey can be used on us by others, or even, subconsciously, by ourselves. Forexample,ifyouaskyourselfaquestionlike"WhydoIalwayssabotagemyself?"aftersomethingendsdisappointingly,yousetyourselfupformoreofthesameand set in motion a self-fulfilling prophecy.Why? Because, as we've alreadysaid,yourbrainwillobedientlycomeupwithananswerforanythingyouaskofit.You'll takeforgranted thatyou'vesabotaged thingsbecauseyou're focusingonwhyyoudoit,notonwhetheryoudoit.One example occurred during the 1988presidential election, just afterGeorgeBush had announced Dan Quayle as his running mate. A television newsorganizationconductedanationwidepoll,askingpeopletocalla900numbertoanswer the question, "Does it bother you that Dan Quayle used his family'sinfluence togo into theNationalGuardandstayoutofVietnam?"Theglaringpresupposition built into this question, of course,was thatQuayle had indeedusedhisfamily'sinfluencetounfairadvantage—somethingthathadneverbeenproven.Yetpeoplerespondedtoitasifitwereagiven.Theyneverquestionedit,and just automatically accepted it.Worse,manypeople called to say that theywereextremelyupsetaboutthisfact.Nosuchfactwaseversubstantiated!Unfortunately, this processhappens all toooften;wedo it toourselves and toothersall the time.Don't fall into the trapofacceptingsomeoneelse'soryourowndisempoweringpresuppositions.Findreferencestobackupnewbeliefsthatempoweryou.3.Questionschangetheresourcesavailabletous.IarrivedatacriticaljunctureinmylifeaboutfiveyearsagowhenIcamehomefromagruelingscheduleontheroadtodiscoverthatoneofmybusinessassociateshadembezzledaquarterof amillion dollars and runmy company$758,000 into debt.The questions IfailedtoaskwhenIfirsthiredthismanhadbroughtmetothispoint,andnow

my destiny hinged on the new questions I would ask. All of my advisorsinformedme that I hadonly one choice: I'd have to declare bankruptcy.Theyimmediately startedaskingquestions like "What shouldweselloff first?Whowilltelltheemployees?"ButIrefusedtoacceptdefeat.Iresolvedthat,whateverittook,Iwouldfindawaytokeepmycompanygoing.I'mstillinbusinesstodaynotbecauseofthegreatadviceIgotfromthosearoundme,butbecauseIaskedabetterquestion:"HowcanIturnthisaround?"ThenIaskedanevenmoreinspirationalquestion:"HowcanIturnmycompanyaround, take it to thenext levelandcause it tohaveevenmore impact than itever has in the past?" I knew that if I asked a better question, I'd get a betteranswer.At first, Ididn'tget theanswer Iwanted. Initially, itwas, "There isnoway toturnitaround,"butIkeptaskingwithintensityandexpectation.1expandedmyquestionto"HowcanIaddevenmorevalue,andhelpmorepeopleevenwhileIsleep? How can I reach people in a way that is not limited to my physicalpresence?" With these questions came the idea of my franchise operation inwhichmore people could representme across the country.Out of these samequestions, a year later I came up with the idea of producing a televisioninfomercial,ananswerthatIreceivedfromthatsameburningquestion.Sincethattime,wehavecreatedanddistributedover7milliontapesworldwide.Because I asked a question with intensity, I got an answer that's helped medeveloprelationshipswithpeopleallovertheworldwhomIwouldneverhaveotherwisehadachancetomeet,know,ortouchinanyway.Intherealmofbusiness,especially,questionsdoopenupnewworldsandgiveusaccesstoresourceswemightnototherwiserealizewehaveavailable.AtFordMotorCompany,retiredpresidentDonaldPetersenwasknownforhispersistentquestions: "What do you think? How can your job be improved?" On oneoccasion,PetersenaskedaquestionthatundoubtedlysteeredFord'sprofitabilityup the roadofsuccess.HeaskeddesignerJackTelnack,"Doyou like thecarsyouaredesigning?"Telnackreplied,"Actually,no, Idon't."AndthenPetersenaskedhimthecriticalquestion:"Whydon'tyouignoremanagementanddesignacaryou'dlovetoown?"Thedesignertookthepresidentathiswordandwenttoworkonthe1983FordThunderbird,acarthatinspiredthelatermodelsofTaurusandSable.By1987,under thedirectionofmaster questionerPetersen,Fordhad surpassedGeneralMotors inprofitability, and todayTaurus ranksasoneof the finest carsmade.DonaldPetersenisagreatexampleofsomeonewhoreallyutilizedtheincrediblepower of questions. With one simple question, he completely changed thedestinyofFordMotorCompany.YouandIhavethatsamepoweratourdisposal

everymomentof theday.Atanymoment, thequestions thatweaskourselvescanshapeourperceptionofwhoweare,whatwe'recapableof,andwhatwe'rewilling to do to achieve our dreams. Learning to consciously control thequestionsyouaskwill takeyoufurthertoachievingyourultimatedestinythanalmostanything Iknow.Oftenour resourcesare limitedonlyby thequestionsweaskourselves.One important thing to remember is that our beliefs affect the questionswe'llevenconsider.Manypeoplewouldneverhave asked thequestion "Howcan Iturnthingsaround?"simplybecauseeveryonearoundthemhadtoldthemitwasimpossible.Theywouldfeelitwasawasteoftheirtimeandenergy.Becarefulnot to ask limited questions, or you'll receive limited answers.The only thingthatlimitsyourquestionsisyourbeliefaboutwhat'spossible.AcorebeliefthathasshapedmypersonalandprofessionaldestinyisthatifIcontinuetoaskanyquestion, I will receive an answer. All we need to do is to create a betterquestion,andwe'llgetabetteranswer.AmetaphorIsometimesuseisthatlifeisjustaJeopardy!game;alltheanswersarethere—allyouhavetodoiscomeupwiththerightquestionstowin.

PROBLEM-SOLVINGQUESTIONS

The key, then, is to develop a pattern of consistent questions that empoweryou.YouandIbothknowthatnomatterwhatwe'reinvolvedwithinourlives,there are going to be times when we come up against these things we call"problems":theroadblockstopersonalandprofessionalprogress.Everyperson,nomatterwhat station of life they've achieved, has to dealwith these special"gifts."Thequestionisnotwhetheryou'regoingtohaveproblems,buthowyou'regoingtodealwiththemwhentheycomeup.Weallneedasystematicwaytodealwithchallenges.So,realizingthepowerofquestionstoimmediatelychangemystateandgivemeaccesstoresourcesandsolutions,Ibegantointerviewpeopleandask themhow theygot themselves out of problems. I foundout that there arecertainquestionsthatseemtobesomewhatconsistent.Hereisalistofthefivequestions Iuse forany typeofproblem that comesup, and I can tellyou thatthesehaveabsolutelychangedthequalityofmylife.Ifyouchoosetousethem,theycandothesameforyouaswell.I'llneverforgetoneofthefirsttimesIusedthesequestionstochangemystate.ItwasafterI'dbeenontheroadalmost100daysoutof120.I was utterly exhausted. I found a stack of "urgent" memos that had to beresponded to fromexecutivesofavarietyofmycompanies,anda listofover100phonecallsthatIhadtoreturnpersonally.Thesewerenotcallsfrompeoplewanting to visit with me, but important calls to some of my closest friends,businessassociates,andfamilymembers.Ilostitrightthenandthere!Ibegantoask myself some incredibly disempowering questions: "How come I have notime?Whydon'ttheyleavemealone?

THEPROBLEM-SOLVINGQUESTIONS

1.Whatisgreataboutthisproblem?2.Whatisnotperfectyet?3.WhatamIwillingtodotomakeitthewayIwantit?4.WhatamIwillingtonolongerdoinordertomakeitthewayIwantit?5.HowcanIenjoytheprocesswhileIdowhatisnecessarytomakeitthewayIwantit?Don'ttheyunderstandI'mnotamachine?Whydon'tIevergetabreak?"You

canimaginewhatkindofemotionalstateIwas inat thispoint.Fortunately, inthe midst of it I caught myself. I broke my pattern and realized that gettingangrierwasn'tgoing tomake it anybetter; itwasgoing tomake itworse.Mystatewasmakingmeaskterriblequestions.I needed to changemy state by asking some better questions. I turned tomychecklistofproblem-solvingquestionsandbeganwith,1. "What is great about this problem?"My first response, like somany othertimes, was "Absolutely nothing!" But I thought about it for a moment andrealized that just eight years ago Iwould have given anything to have twentybusiness associates and friends who wanted to visit with me, much less 100peopleofsuchnational impactandcaliber that this listoffriendsandbusinessassociatesrepresented.AsIrealizedthis,Istartedtolaughatmyself,itbrokemypattern, and I began to feel grateful that there were so many people whom Irespectandlovewhowantedtospendtimewithme.2. "What isnotperfectyet?"Myscheduleobviouslyneededmore thana littlefine-tuning. 1 felt like I had no time to myself, and that my life was out ofbalance.Note the presupposition of this question: asking "What is not perfectyet?"clearlyimpliesthatthingswillbeperfect.Thisquestionnotonlygivesyounewanswers,butreassuresyousimultaneously.3."WhatamIwillingtodotomakeitthewayIwantit?"IdecidedthenthatIwas willing to organize my life and my schedule so that they were morebalanced,andIwaswillingtotakecontrolandlearntosaynotocertainthings.IalsorealizedthatIneededtohireanewCEOforoneofmycompanies,someonewhocouldhandlesomeofmyworkload.Thiswouldgivememorespecialtimeathomeandwithmyfamily.4."WhatamIwillingtonolongerdoinordertomakeitthewayIwantit?"IknewthatIcouldnolongerwhineandcomplainabouthowunfairitallwasorfeelabusedwhenpeoplewerereallytryingtosupportme.

5."HowcanIenjoytheprocesswhileIdowhatisnecessarytomakeitthewayIwantit?"WhenIaskedthislast,mostimportantquestion,Ilookedaroundforawaytomakeitfun.Ithought,"HowcanIenjoymaking100calls?"Sittingthereatmydeskdidnotturnupthementalandemotionaljuice.ThenIgotanidea:I'dnot been inmy Jacuzzi in sixmonths. I quickly slipped onmy swim trunks,grabbedmyportablecomputerandspeakerphone,andheadedfortheJacuzzi.Isetupshopoutinmybackyard,andstartedmakingthecalls.Icalledafewofmybusinessassociates inNewYorkand teased them,saying, "Really, it's thatcold?Hmmm.Well,it'sreallytoughouthereinCalifornia,youknow.I'msittinghere inmy Jacuzzi!"We all had funwith it and Imanaged to turn thewhole"chore"intoagame.(ButIwassowrinkledthatIlookedabout400yearsoldbythetimeIgottothebottomofmylist!)That Jacuzzi isalways inmybackyard,butyou'llnotice that it took the rightquestiontouncoveritasaresource.Byhavingthelistofthesefivequestionsinfrontofyouonaregularbasis,youhaveapatternofhowtodealwithproblemsthatwill instantlychangeyour focusandgiveyouaccess to the resourcesyouneed."Hethatcannotaskcannotlive."

OLDPROVERBEvery morning when we wake up, we ask ourselves questions. When the

alarmgoesoff,whatquestiondoyouaskyourself?Isit,"HowcomeIhavetogetuprightnow?,""Whyaren'ttheremorehoursintheday?,""What if I hit the snooze alarm just one more time?" And as you get in theshower,whatareyouaskingyourself?"WhydoIhavetogotowork?,""Howbadisthetrafficgoingtobetoday?,""Whatkindofstuffisgoingtobedumpedonmydesktoday?"Whatifeverydayyouconsciouslystartedaskingapatternofquestionsthatwouldputyouintherightframeofmindandthatcausedyoutorememberhowgrateful,happy,andexcitedyouare?Whatkindofdaydoyouthinkyou'dhave,withthosepositiveemotionalstatesasyourfilter?Obviouslyitwouldaffecthowyoufeelaboutvirtuallyeverything.Realizing this, I decided I needed a "success ritual," and I created a series ofquestions that I askmyself everymorning. Thewonderful thing about askingyourself questions in the morning is that you can do it in the shower, whileyou're shavingordryingyourhair, and soon.You're alreadyaskingquestionsanyway,sowhynotasktherightones?Irealizedthattherearecertainemotionswe all need to cultivate in order to be happy and successful individuals.Otherwise,youcouldbewinningand feel likeyou're losing, ifyoudon'tkeep

score or take the time to feel how fortunate you are. So take the time now toreviewthefollowingquestions.Takeamomenttodeeplyexperiencethefeelingsofeachone.

THEMORNINGPOWERQUESTIONS

Ourlifeexperienceisbasedonwhatwefocuson.Thefollowingquestionsaredesigned to cause you to experience more happiness, excitement, pride,gratitude,joy,commitment,andloveeverydayofyourlife.Remember,qualityquestionscreateaqualitylife.Come up with two or three answers to all of these questions and feel fullyassociated. If you have difficulty discovering an answer simply add the word"could."Example:"WhatcouldIbemosthappyaboutinmylifenow?"1.WhatamIhappyaboutinmylifenow?Whataboutthatmakesmehappy?Howdoesthatmakemefeel?2.WhatamIexcitedaboutInmylifenow?Whataboutthatmakesmeexcited?Howdoesthatmakemefeel?3.WhatamIproudaboutinmylifenow?Whataboutthatmakesmeproud?Howdoesthatmakemefeel?4.WhatamIgratefulaboutInmylifenow?Whataboutthatmakesmegrateful?Howdoesthatmakemefeel?5.WhatamIenjoyingmostinmyliferightnow?WhataboutthatdoIenjoy?Howdoesthatmakemefeel?6.WhatamIcommittedtoinmyliferightnow?Whataboutthatmakesmecommitted?Howdoesthatmakemefeel?7.WhodoIlove?Wholovesme?Whataboutthatmakesmeloving?Howdoesthatmakemefeel?Intheevening,sometimesIasktheMorningQuestions,andsometimesIaskanadditionalthreequestions.Heretheyare:THEEVENINGPOWERQUESTIONS1.WhathaveIgiventoday?InwhatwayshaveIbeenagivertoday?2.WhatdidIlearntoday?3.HowhastodayaddedtothequalityofmylifeorhowcanIusetodayasaninvestmentinmyfuture?RepeattheMorningQuestions(optional).Ifyoureallywanttocreateashiftinyourlife,makethisapartofyourdaily

ritual for personal success. By consistently asking these questions, you'll findthatyouaccessyourmostempoweringemotionalstatesonaregularbasis,andyou'llbegintocreatethehighwaystotheseemotionsofhappiness,excitement,pride,gratitude,joy,commitment,andlove.

Prettysoon,you'llfindthatwhenyouopenyoureyes,thesequestionswillfireoffautomaticallyjustoutofhabit,andyouwillhavetrainedyourselftoaskthekindsofquestionsthatwillempoweryoutoexperiencegreaterrichnessinlife.

GIVETHEGIFTOFQUESTIONS

Once you know how to ask empowering questions, you not only can helpyourself,butothersaswell.Youcangivetheseasagifttootherpeople.OnceinNew York City, I met a friend and business associate of mine for lunch. Aprominent literaryattorney, Iadmiredhimforhisbusinessacumenandfor thepracticehe'dbuiltsincehewasayoungman.Butonthatday,hehadsufferedwhatheperceivedasadevastatingblow—hispartnerhadleftthefirm,leavinghimwithtremendousoverheadandnotmanyideasastohowtoturnitaround.Remember thatwhathewasfocusingonwasdeterminingthemeaning. Inanysituation,youcanfocusonwhatisdisempowering,oronwhatisempowering,andifyoulookforitthat'swhatyou'llfind.Theproblemwasthathewasaskingallthewrongquestions:"Howcouldmypartnerabandonmethisway?Doesn'thecare?Doesn'therealizethatthisisdestroyingmylife?Doesn'therealizethatIcan'tdothiswithouthim?HowwillIexplaintomyclientsthatIcan'tstayinbusinessanylonger?"Allof thesequestionswereriddledwithpresuppositionsabouthowhislifewasdestroyed.IhadmanywaysinwhichIcouldintervene,butIdecidedthatIcouldjustaskhim a few questions. I said, "Recently I've created this simple questionstechnology,andwhenI'veapplied it tomyself, I've found it tohave incredibleimpact.It'spulledmeoutofsomeprettytoughspots.DoyoumindifIaskyouacouplequestionsandseeifitworksforyou?"Hesaid,"Yeah,butIdon'tthinkanything's going to help me right now." So I started out by asking him theMorningQuestions,andthentheProblem-SolvingQuestions.I started with, "What are you happy about? I know that sounds stupid andridiculous and Pollyanna, but what are you really happy about?" His firstresponsewas,"Nothing."SoIsaid,"Whatcouldyoubehappyaboutrightnowifyouwanted tobe?"He said, "I'm reallyhappyaboutmywifebecause she'sdoing really well right now, and our relationship is very close." I asked him,"Howdoesthatmakeyoufeelwhenyouthinkofhowcloseyouarewithher?"Hesaid,"It'soneofthemostincrediblegiftsinmylife."Isaid,"She'saspeciallady,isn'tshe?"Hestartedfocusingonherandfeelingphenomenal.YoumightsaythatIwasjustdistractinghim.No,1washelpinghimtogetintoabetterstate,andinabetterstate,youcancomeupwithbetterwaysofdealingwith challenges. First we had to break the pattern and put him in a positiveemotionalenvironment.I asked him what else he was happy about. He started talking about how he

shouldbehappyabouthowhe'djusthelpedawritertoclosehisfirstbookdeal,andthewriterwasdelighted.Hetoldmethatheshouldfeelproud,buthedidn't.SoIaskedhim,"Ifyoudidfeelproud,howwouldthatfeel?"Hebegantothinkabouthowgreatthatwouldbe,andhisstatebegantochangeimmediately.Isaid,"Whatareyouproudof?"Hesaid,"I'mreallyproudofmykids.They'resuchspecialpeople.They'renotjustsuccessfulinbusiness;theyreallycareaboutpeople.I'mproudofwhothey'vebecomeasmenandwomenandthatthey'remychildren.They'repartofmylegacy."1said,"Howdoesitmakeyoufeeltoknowthatyou'vehadthatimpact?"All of a sudden, amanwho had earlier believed that his life was over camealive. I asked himwhat hewas really grateful for.He said that hewas reallygrateful that he'dmade it through the tough timeswhen hewas a young andstruggling lawyer, thathe'dbuilthiscareer fromthebottomup, thathe'd livedtheAmericanDream. Then I asked, "What are you really excited about?"Hesaid, "Actually, I'm excited that I have an opportunity right now to make achange."And itwas the first timehe'd thought about that, and itwasbecausehe'd changed his state so radically. I asked him, "Who do you love, andwholovesyou?"He started talkingabouthis familyandhow incrediblyclose theywere.SoIaskedhim,"What'sgreataboutyourpartner'sleaving?"Hesaid,"Youknow,whatcouldbegreataboutthisisthatIhatecomingtoNewYorkCity.IlovebeingatmyhomeinConnecticut."Hecontinued,"What'sgreataboutthisisthatIgettolookateverythinginanewway."Thisstartedawholestringofpossibilities and he resolved to set up a new office in Connecticut not fiveminutesfromhishome,bringhissonintothebusiness,andhaveanansweringservice pick up his calls in Manhattan. He got so excited, he decided toimmediatelygoandlookforanewoffice.In a matter of minutes, the power of questions had worked their magic. Healways had the resources to be able to deal with this, but the disempoweringquestionshe'daskedhadrenderedhispowerinaccessible,andhadcausedhimtoseehimself as anoldmanwho'd lost everythinghe'd built. In reality, life hadgiven him a tremendous gift, but the truth had been deleted until he startedaskingqualityquestions.

AQUESTIONOFDESTINY

Oneofmyfavoritepeople—andoneof themost impassionedmenI'veevermet—isLeoBuscaglia,authorofLoveandmanyotheroutstandingbooksinthearea of human relations. One of the things that is great about Leo is hiscontinuedpersistenceinaskinghimselfaquestionthathisfatherinstilledinhimfromthetimehewasalittleboy.Eachdayatthedinnertable,hisfatherwouldask, "Leo, what have you learned today?" Leo had to have an answer, and aqualityone.Ifhehadn'tlearnedsomethingreallyinterestinginschoolthatday,hewouldrunandget theencyclopediatostudysomethingthathecouldshare.He says that to this day hewon't go to bed until he's learned something newthat'sofvalue.Asaresulthe'sconstantlystimulatinghismind,andagreatdealof his passion and love for learning has come from this question, askedrepeatedly,begundecadesago.What are somequestions thatwouldbeuseful foryou to askofyourselfonaregularbasis?Iknowtwoofmyfavoritearethemostsimple.Theyhelpmetoturn around any challenges that may come up in my life. They are simply,"What's great about this?" and "How can I use this?" By asking what's greatabout any situation, I usually find some powerful, positive meaning, and byaskinghowIcanuse it, Ican takeanychallengeand turn it intoabenefit.Sowhataretwoquestionsthatyoucanusetochangeyouremotionalstatesorgiveyoutheresourcesyoutrulydesire?AddtwotothestandardmorningquestionsI'vealreadygivenyou,andcustomizethemsothattheymeetyourpersonalandemotionalneeds.Someofthemostimportantquestionswe'llaskinourlivesare"Whatismylifereallyabout?,""WhatamIreallycommittedto?,""WhyamIhere?,"and"WhoamI?"Theseareincrediblypowerfulquestions,butifyouwaittogettheperfectanswer,you'regoingtobeindeeptrouble.Often,thefirstemotional,gut-levelresponseyougettoanyquestionistheoneyoushouldtrustandactupon.Thisis thefinalpointIwanttomakewithyou.There's a point at which you must stop asking questions in order to makeprogress. If youkeep askingquestions, you're going to beuncertain, andonlycertain actionswill produce certain results. At some point, you've got to stopevaluatingandstartdoing.How?Youfinallydecidewhat'smostimportanttoyou,atleastmthemoment,and you use your personal power to follow through and begin to change thequalityofyour life.So letmeaskyouaquestion. If therewasoneaction that

youcouldtakeimmediatelytoinstantlychangethequalityofyouremotionsandfeelingseachandeverydayofyourlife,wouldyouwanttoknowaboutit?Thengoonquicklyto...

THEVOCABULARYOFULTIMATESUCCESS

"Apowerfulagent is the rightword.Wheneverwecomeupononeof thoseintenselyrightwords...theresultingeffectisphysicalaswellasspiritual,andelectricallyprompt."MARKTWAINWords. . .They'vebeenusedtomakeuslaughandcry.Theycanwoundor

heal.Theyofferushopeordevastation.Withwordswecanmakeournoblestintentions felt and our deepest desires known. Throughout human history, ourgreatest leaders and thinkers have used the power of words to transform ouremotions,toenlistusintheircauses,andtoshapethecourseofdestiny.Wordscannotonlycreateemotions,theycreateactions.Andfromouractionsflowtheresultsofour lives.WhenPatrickHenrystoodbeforehis fellowdelegatesandproclaimed, "Iknownotwhat courseothersmay take;but as forme,givemeliberty, or give me death!," his words ignited a firestorm that unleashed ourforefathers'unbridledcommitmenttoextinguishthetyrannythathadsuppressedthemforsolong.The privileged heritage that you and I share, the choices that we have todaybecauseweliveinthisnation,werecreatedbymenwhochosewordsthatwouldshapetheactionsofgenerationstocome:WhenintheCourseofhumanEvents,

itbecomesnecessaryforonePeopletodissolvethePoliticalBandswhichhaveconnectedthemwithanother...ThissimpleDeclarationofIndependence, thisassemblageofwords,became

thevesselofchangeforanation.Certainly,theimpactofwordsisnotlimitedtotheUnitedStatesof201America.DuringWorldWarII,whentheverysurvivalofGreatBritainwasinquestion,oneman'swordshelpedtomobilizethewillofthe English people. It was once said that Winston Churchill had the uniqueabilitytosendtheEnglishlanguageintobattle.HisfamouscalltoallBritonstomake this their"finesthour" resulted incouragebeyondcompare,andcrushedHitler'sdelusionabouttheinvincibilityofhiswarmachine.Mostbeliefsareformedbywords—andtheycanbechangedbywordsaswell.Ournation'sviewof racial equalitywascertainly shapedbyactions,but thoseactions were inspired by impassioned words. Who can forget the movinginvocationofMartinLutherKing, jr.,ashesharedhisvision,"Ihaveadream

thatonedaythisnationwillriseupandlivethetruemeaningofitscreed..."?Manyofusarewellawareof thepowerfulpan thatwordshaveplayed inourhistory, of the power that great speakers have to move us, but few of us areawareofourownpowertousethesesamewordstomoveourselvesemotionally,tochallenge,embolden,andstrengthenourspirits,tomoveourselvestoaction,toseekgreaterrichnessfromthisgiftwecalllife.An effective selection of words to describe the experience of our lives canheighten our most empowering emotions. A poor selection of words candevastate us just as surely and just as swiftly. Most of us make unconsciouschoices in thewords thatwe use;we sleepwalk ourway through themaze ofpossibilitiesavailabletous.Realizenowthepowerthatyourwordscommandifyousimplychoosethemwisely.Whatagiftthesesimplesymbolsare!Wetransformtheseuniqueshapeswecallletters(orsounds,inthecaseofthespokenword)intoauniqueandrichtapestryofhumanexperience.Theyprovideuswithavehicleforexpressingandsharingourexperiencewithothers;however,mostofusdon'trealizethatthewordsyouhabituallychoosealsoaffecthowyoucommunicatewithyourselfandthereforewhatyouexperience.Wordscan injureouregosor inflameourhearts—wecaninstantlychangeanyemotional experience simply by choosing newwords to describe to ourselveswhatwe're feeling. If,however,we tail tomasterwords,and ifweallow theirselectiontobedeterminedstrictlybyunconscioushabit,wemaybedenigratingourentireexperienceoflife.Ifyoudescribeamagnificentexperienceasbeing"pretty good," the rich texture of it will be smoothed and made flat by yourlimited use of vocabulary. People with an impoverished vocabulary live animpoverished emotional life; people with rich vocabularies have a multihuedpaletteofcolorswithwhichtopainttheirexperience,notonlyforothers,butforthemselvesaswell.Most people are not challenged, though, by the size of the vocabulary theyconsciouslyunderstand,butratherbythewordstheychoosetouse.Manytimes,we use words as "short cuts," but often these short cuts shortchange usemotionally.Toconsciouslycontrolour lives,weneed toconsciouslyevaluateand improveourconsistentvocabulary tomakesure that it ispullingus in thedirection we desire instead of that which we wish to avoid. You and I mustrealizethattheEnglishlanguageisfilledwithwordsthat,inadditiontotheirliteralmeanings,conveydistinctemotionalintensity.Forexample,ifyoudevelopahabitofsayingyou"hate"things—you"hate"yourhair;you"hate"your job;you"hate"having todosomething—doyouthinkthisraisestheintensityofyournegativeemotionalstatesmorethanif

youweretouseaphraselike"Iprefersomethingelse"?Using emotionally charged words can magically transform your own state orsomeone else's. Think of the word "chivalry." Does it conjure up differentimages and have more emotional impact than words like "politeness" or"gentlemanliness"? I know that forme it does.Chivalrymakesme think of avaliantknightseatedonawhitesteed,championinghisraven-haireddamsel;itconveys nobility of spirit, a great round table about which are seatedmen ofhonor,thewholeArthurianethic—inshort,thewonderofCamelot.Orhowdothewords "impeccable" or "integrity" compare to "well done" and "honesty"?Thewords"pursuitofexcellence"certainlycreatemoreintensitythan"tryingtomakethingsbetter."For years I've observed firsthand the power of changing just one keyword incommunicating with someone, and noted how it instantly changes the waypeoplefeel—andoftenthewaytheysubsequentlybehaved.Afterworkingwithhundreds of thousands of people, I can tell you something I know beyond ashadowofadoubt,somethingthatatfirstglancemaybehardtobelieve:Simplyby changing your habitual vocabulary—the words you consistently use todescribe the emotions of your life—you can instantaneously change how youthink,howyoufeel,andhowyoulive.Theexperiencethatfirsttriggeredthisinsightformeoccurredseveralyearsagoinabusinessmeeting.Iwaswithtwomen,onewhousedtobetheCEOofoneofmycompaniesand theotheramutualassociateandgood friend,and in themidst of themeetingwe received some rather upsetting news. Someonewithwhomwewerenegotiatingwasobviously"tryingtotakeunfairadvantage,"hadviolated the integrity of our understanding, and it appeared he had the upperhand.Tosaytheleast,thisangeredandupsetme,butalthoughIwascaughtupinthesituation,Icouldn'thelpbutnoticehowdifferentlythetwopeoplesittingnexttomerespondedtothesameinformation.MyCEOwasoutofcontrolwithrageandfurywhilemyassociatewashardlymoved by the situation. How could all three of us hear of these actions thatshould have impacted us all equally (we all had the same stake in thenegotiation), yet respond in such radically differentways?Quite honestly, theintensity of my CEO's response to the situation seemed even to me to bedisproportionatetowhathadoccurred.Hekepttalkingabouthow"furious"and"enraged"hewas,ashisfaceturnedbeet-redandtheveinsinhisforeheadandneck visibly protruded. He clearly linked acting on his rage with eithereliminating pain or gaining pleasure. When I asked him what being enragedmeanttohim,whyhewasallowinghimselftobesointenseaboutthis,throughclenched teethhe said, "If you're in a rage, youget stronger, andwhenyou're

strong, you can make things happen—you can turn anything around!" Heregarded the emotion of rage as a resource for getting himself out of theexperienceofpainandintothepleasureoffeelinglikehewasincontrolofthebusiness.Ithenturnedtothenextquestioninmymind:Whywasmyfriendrespondingtothesituationwithalmostnoemotionatall?Isaidtohim,"Youdon'tseemtobeupset by this. Aren't you angry?" And my CEO said, "Doesn't it make youFURIOUS?"Myfriendsimplysaid,"No,it'snotworthbeingupsetover."Ashesaidthis,Irealizedthatintheseveralyears1hadknownhim,I'dneverseenhimbecomeveryupsetaboutanything.Iaskedhimwhatbeingupsetmeanttohim,and he responded, "If you get upset, then you lose control." "Interesting," Ithought."Whathappensifyoulosecontrol?"Hesaidmatter-of-factly,"Thentheotherguywins."I couldn't have asked for a greater contrast: one person clearly linked thepleasureoftakingcontroltobecomingangry,whiletheotherlinkedthepainoflosing control to the same emotion. Their behavior obviously reflected theirbeliefs.Ibegantoexaminemyownfeelings.WhatdidIbelieveaboutthis?ForyearsI'vebelievedthatIcanhandleanythingitI'mangry,but1alsobelievethatIdon'thave tobeangry todo so. I canbeequallyeffective inapeak stateofhappiness.Asaresult,Idon'tavoidanger—IuseitifIgetinthatstate—nordoIpursue it, since I can accessmy strengthwithout being "furious."What reallyinterestedmewas thedifference in thewords thatweallused todescribe thisexperience. I had used thewords "angry" and "upset,"myCEO had used thewords "furious" and "enraged," and my friend had said that he was "a bitannoyed"bytheexperience.Icouldn'tbelieveit!Annoyed?Iturnedtohimandsaid,"That'sallyoufeel,justalittlebitannoyed?Youmustgetreallyangryorupsetsomeofthetime."Hesaid,"Notreally.Ittakesalottomakethathappen,anditalmostneveroccurs."Iaskedhim,"Doyourememberthe time the IRS tookaquarter-ofamilliondollarsofyourmoney,and itwastheirmistake?Didn't it takeyou twoand ahalf years toget themoneyback?Didn't that make you unbelievably angry?" My CEO chimed in, "Didn't thatmake you LIVID?"He said, "No, it didn't upsetme.Maybe Iwas a little bitpeeved."Peeved?IthoughtthiswasthestupidestwordI'deverheard!Iwouldneverhaveusedawordlikethattodescribemyemotionalintensity.Howcouldthiswealthyandsuccessfulbusinessmangoaroundusingawordlike"peeved"andstillkeepastraightface?Theanswer is,hedidn'tkeepastraightface!Heseemedalmosttoenjoytalkingaboutthingsthatwouldhavedrivenmecrazy.Ibegantowonder,"IfIdidusethatwordtodescribemyemotions,howwouldIbegintofeel?WouldIfindmyselfsmilingwhereIusedtobestressed?Hmmm,"

I thought, "maybe this warrants some looking into." For days after that, Icontinuedtobeintriguedbytheideaofusingmyfriend'slanguagepatternsandseeingwhatitwoulddotomyemotionalintensity.Whatmighthappenif,whenIwasfeelingreallyangry,Icouldturntosomebodyandsay,"Thisreallypeevesme!"? Just the thought of it mademe laugh—it was so ridiculous. For fun, Idecided togive itashot. Igotmyfirstopportunity touse itaftera longnightflight when I arrived at my hotel. Because one of my staff had neglected tohandlethecheckinforme,Ihadtheprivilegeofstandingatthefrontdeskforanextra fifteen or twenty minutes, physically exhausted and at my emotionalthreshold.Theclerkdraggedhimselftothecheckincounterandbegantohunt-and-peck my name into the computer at a pace that would make a snailimpatient.Ifelt"abitofanger"wellingupinsideofme,soIturnedtotheclerkandsaid, "Youknow, Iknow this isn'tyour fault,but rightnowI'mexhaustedandIneedtogettomyroomquicklybecausethelongerIstandherethemoreIfearIwillbecomeabitPEEVED."Theclerkglancedupatmewithasomewhatperplexedlook,andthenbrokeasmile. I smiled back;my patternwas broken.The emotional volcano that hadbeenbuildingupinsideofmeinstantlycooled,andthentwothingshappened.Iactually enjoyed visiting for a few moments with the clerk, and he sped up.Couldjustputtinganewlabelonmysensationsbeenoughtobreakmypatternandtrulychangemyexperience?Coulditreallybethateasy?Whataconcept!Over thenextweek, I triedmynewwordoverandoveragain. Ineachcase, Ifound that saying it had the impact of immediately lowering my emotionalintensity.Sometimesitmademelaugh,butattheveryminimumitstoppedthemomentum of being upset from rushingme into a state of anger.Within twoweeks, I didn't even have to work on using the word: it became habitual. Itbecamemyfirstchoiceindescribingmyemotions,andIfoundmyselfnolongergettingintheseextremelyangrystatesatall.Ibecamemoreandmorefascinatedwith this tool that I'dstumbledacross. I realized thatbychangingmyhabitualvocabulary, Iwas transformingmyexperience; Iwasusingwhat Iwould latercall"TransformationalVocabulary."Gradually,Ibegantoexperimentwithotherwords,andIfoundthatifIcameupwithwordsthatwerepotentenough,Icouldinstantlylowerorincreasemyintensityaboutvirtuallyanything.Howdoesthisprocessreallywork?Thinkofitthisway:imaginethatyourfivesensesfunnelaseriesofsensationstoyourbrain.You'regettingvisual,auditory,kinesthetic,olfactory,andgustatorystimuli,and theyareall translatedbyyoursense organs into internal sensations. Then they must be organized intocategories. But how do we know what these images, sounds, and other

sensations mean? One of the most powerful ways that man has learned toquicklydecidewhatsensationsmean(isitpainorpleasure?)istocreatelabelsforthem,andtheselabelsarewhatyouandIknowas"words."Here's the challenge: all of your sensations are coming to you through thisfunnel, like liquid sensation poured through a thin spout into various moldscalledwords.Inourdesiretomakedecisionsquickly,ratherthanusingallofthewordsavailabletousandfindingthemostappropriateandaccuratedescription,we often force the experience into a disempowering mold.We form habitualfavorites: molds that shape and transform our life experience. Unfortunately,mostofushavenotconsciouslyevaluated the impact of the words we've grown accustomed to using. Theproblem occurs when we start consistently pouring any form of negativesensation into the word-mold of "furious" or "depressed" or "humiliated" or"insecure."Andthiswordmaynotaccuratelyreflecttheactualexperience.Themoment we place this mold around our experience, the label we put on itbecomesourexperience.Whatwas"abitchallenging"becomes"devastating."Forexample,myCEOused"furious,""livid,"and"enraged";Icalledit"angry"or "upset"; andwhen it came tomy friend, he poured his experience into themoldof"peeved"or"annoyed."What'sinterestingisthatallofus,Idiscovered,use these same patterns of words to describe multitudes of frustratingexperiences.YouandIneedtoknowthatwecanallhavethesamesensations,butthewayinwhichweorganizethem—themoldorwordweuseforthem—becomesourexperience.Ilaterfoundthatbyusingmyfriend'smold(thewords"peeved"or"annoyed")I instantly was able to change the intensity of my experience. It becamesomethingelse.This is theessenceofTransformationalVocabulary: thewordsthat we attach to our experience become our experience. Thus, we mustconsciouslychoosethewordsweusetodescribeouremotionalstates,orsufferthepenaltyofcreatinggreaterpainthanistrulywarrantedorappropriate.Literally,wordsareusedtorepresenttouswhatourexperienceoflifeis.Inthatrepresentation,theyalterourperceptionsandfeelings.Remember, if threepeoplecanhave thesameexperience,yetoneperson feelsrage, another feels anger, and the third feels annoyance, then obviously thesensationsarebeingchangedbyeachperson'stranslation.Sincewords are our primary tool for interpretation or translation, thewaywelabel our experience immediately changes the sensations produced in ournervous systems. You and I must realize that words do indeed create abiochemicaleffect.Ifyoudoubtthis,I'dlikeyoutohonestlyconsiderwhetherornottherearewords

that, if someone were to use them, would immediately create an emotionalreaction.Ifsomeonehurlsaracialsluratyou,howdoesthatmakeyoufeel?Orifsomeoneweretocallyouafour-letterword,forexample,wouldn'tthatchangeyour state?There'sprobably abigdifferencebetween someonecallingyoubytheinitials"S.O.B."andhavingthemarticulateingraphicdetailthephrasetheselettersstandfor.Wouldn'titproduceadifferentleveloftensioninyourbodythaniftheyweretocallyouan"angel"?Ora"genius"?Ora"dude"?Wealllinktremendouslevelsofpaintocertainwords.WhenIinterviewedDr.LeoBuscaglia,hesharedwithme the findings of a research study done at an eastern university in the latefifties. People were asked, "How would you define communism?" Anastonishingnumberoftherespondentswereterrorizedevenbythequestion,butnotmanycouldactuallydefineit—alltheyknewwasthatitwashorrifying!Onewomanevenwentsofarastosay,"Well,Idon'treallyknowwhatthatmeans,but there hadn't better be any in Washington." One man said that he kneweverythingheneededtoknowaboutCommunistsand thatwhatyouneededtodo was kill them! But he couldn't even explain what they were. There is nodenyingthepoweroflabelstocreatesensationsandemotions."Wordsformthethreadonwhichwestringourexperiences."

ALDOUSHUXLEYAsIbegan toexplore thepowerofvocabulary, I still foundmyself fighting

the idea that something as simplistic as changing thewords thatweuse couldevermakesucharadicaldifferenceinourlifeexperience.Butwhenmystudyoflanguageintensified,Icameacrosssomesurprisingfactsthat began to convince me that words absolutely do filter and transformexperience. For instance, I found that, according to Compton's Encyclopedia,Englishcontainsatleast500,000words,andI'vesincereadfromothersourcesthatthetotalmaybecloserto750,000words!Englishdefinitelyhasthelargestnumberofwordsofanylanguageonearthtoday,withGermanrunningadistantsecond,tallyingroughlyhalfthenumber.What I found so fascinatingwas that,with the immense number ofwordswecould possibly use, our habitual vocabulary is extremely limited. Variouslinguists have shared with me that the average person's working vocabularyconsists of only between 2,000 and 10,000 words. Conservatively estimatingEnglishtocontainhalfamillionwords,thatmeansweregularlyuseonly½of1percentto2percentofthelanguage!What's an even greater tragedy? Of these words, how many do you thinkdescribe emotions? I was able to find over 3,000 words related to human

emotion by going through a group of thesauruses. What struck me was theproportion of words that describe negative versus positive emotions. By mycount, 1,051words describe positive emotions, while 2,086 (al-most twice asmany!)describenegativeemotions.Justasoneexample,Ifound264wordstodescribe the emotion of sadness—words like "despondent," "sullen," "heavy-hearted,""moody,""woeful,""grievous,""tearful,""melancholy"—yetonly105to describe cheerfulness, as in "blithe," "jaunty," "perky," "zestful," and"buoyant."Nowonderpeoplefeelbadmorethantheyfeelgood!AsIdescribedtoyouinChapter7,whenparticipantsatmyDateWithDestinyseminarmakeouttheirlistofemotionsthattheyfeelinaweek,themajorityofthem come up with only about a dozen. Why? It's because we all tend toexperience the same emotions again and again: certain people tend to befrustratedallofthetime,orangry,orinsecure,orfrightened,ordepressed.Oneof the reasons is that they constantly use these same words to describe theirexperience.Ifweweretoanalyzemorecriticallythesensationswehaveinourbodies,andbemorecreativeinourwayofevaluatingthings,wemightattachanewlabeltoourexperienceandtherebychangeouremotionalreality.Irememberreadingyearsagoaboutastudyconductedinaprison.Typically,itwasfoundthatwheninmatesexperiencedpain,oneofthefewwaystheycouldcommunicate itwas through physical action—their limited vocabulary limitedtheiremotionalrange,channelingeventheslightest feelingsofdiscomfort intoheightenedlevelsofviolentanger.Whatacontrast tosomeonelikeWilliamF.Buckley,whoseeruditionandcommandofthelanguageallowhimtopaintsucha broad picture of emotions and thus represent within himself a variety ofsensations! Ifwewant to change our lives and shape our destiny,we need toconsciouslyselectthewordswe'regoingtouse,andweneedtoconstantlystrivetoexpandourlevelofchoice.Togiveyoufurtherperspective, theBibleuses7,200differentwords; thepoetand essayist JohnMilton's writing included 17,000; and it's said thatWilliamShakespeare used over 24,000words in his variedworks, 5,000 of them onlyonce.Infact,he'sresponsibleforcreatingorcoiningmanyoftheEnglishwordswecommonlyusetoday.Here'salistofjustafewyoumightfindinteresting:

RIPPINGLYONTHETONGUE

Here,fromthebook,BrushUpYourShakespeare!byMichaelMacrone,isasmatteringofpowerful,state-inducingwordscoinedbythemasteroftheEnglishlanguage,Shakespeare.amazementmoney'sworthsavagery

arch-villainmoonbeamshipwreckedassassinationmortifyingshootingstarbloodstainedtonegotiatetosireblusternimble-footedtosneaktochampionobscenetosquabblecold-heartedOlympianstealthydisgracefulpageantrytoswaggereventfultoperplextardinessfathomlesstopuketime-honoredgallantrypuppydogtotorturehostileonpurposetranquilinvulnerablequarrelsometranscendencejadedradiancetrippinglylacklusterrelianceunearthlylaughableremorselesswatchdoglustrousrose-cheekedyelpingmadcapsacrificialzanymajesticLinguists have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that culturally we're

shapedbyour language.Doesn't itmakesense that theEnglish language is soverb-oriented?Afterall,asaculturewe'reveryactiveandprideourselvesonourfocus of taking action. The words we use consistently affect the way weevaluate,andthereforethewaywethink.Bycontrast,theChinesecultureplacesahighvalueonthatwhichdoesnotchange,afactreflectedinthemanydialectsfeaturing a predominance of nouns rather than verbs. From their perspective,nounsrepresentthingsthatwilllast,whileverbs(asactions)willbeheretodayandgonetomorrow.Thus, it's important to realize that words shape our beliefs and impact ouractions.Wordsare thefabric fromwhichallquestionsarecut.Aswenoted inthelastchapter,bychangingonewordinaquestion,wecaninstantlychangetheanswerwe'llgetforthequalityofourlives.

The more I pursued an understanding of the impact of words, the moreimpressed Ibecamewith theirpower toswayhumanemotion,notonlywithinmyself,butwithinothersaswell."Withoutknowingtheforceofwords,itisimpossibletoknowmen."

CONFUCIUSOnedayIbegantorealizethatthisidea,assimpleasitwas,wasnofluke,that

Transformational Vocabulary was a reality, and that by changing our habitualwords,wecouldliterallychangetheemotionalpatternsofourlives.Further,wecouldthereforemoldtheactions,directions,andultimatedestiniesofourlives.One day Iwas sharing these distinctionswith a longtime friend ofmine.BobBays.AsIdidso,IcouldseehimlightuplikeaChristmastree.Hesaid,"Wow!Ihaveanotherdistinctiontogiveyou."Hebegantorelateanexperiencetomethathe'dhadrecently.He,too,hadbeenontheroadkeepinganintensescheduleand meeting everyone else's demands. When he finally came home, all hewantedtodowashavesome"space."HehasahomeontheoceaninMalibu,butit's a very small place, not designed to have house guests,much less three ortour.Whenhearrivedonhisdoorstep,hefoundthathiswifehadinvitedherbrotherto staywith them, and that his daughter,Kelly,whowas supposed tovisit fortwoweeks,haddecidedtostayfortwomonths.Toaddinsulttoinjury,someonehad turnedoff theVCR thathe'dpreset for a footballgamehe'dbeen lookingforward to viewing for days!As you can imagine, he hit his own "emotionalthreshold,"andwhenhefoundoutwhohadturnedoffhisVCR—hisdaughter—he immediately unloaded on her, screaming all the four-letterwords he couldthinkof.Thiswastheveryfirsttimeinherlifethathehadevenraisedhisvoicetoher,muchlessusedlanguageofthatcolor.Sheimmediatelyburstintotears.Witnessingthisscene.Bob'swife,Brandon,brokeintopealsof laughter.SincethiswassounlikeBob'snormalbehavior,sheassumed thiswasanoutrageousandmassivepatterninterrupt.Inreality,hewishedhehadbeendoingapatterninterrupt. After the smoke began to clear, and she realized he was actuallyfurious,shebecameconcerned,soshegavehimsomeveryvaluable feedback.Shesaid,"Bob,you'reactingsostrangely.Youneveractthisway.Youknow,Inoticedsomethingelse:youkeepusingacertainwordthatI'veneverheardyouusebefore.Usuallywhenyou'restressed,yousayyou'reoverloaded,butlatelyIhearyoutalkingallthetimeabouthowyou'reoverwhelmed.Youneversaythat;Kellyuses thatword,andwhenshedoes,shefeels thissamekindofrageandbehavesverymuchlikeyoujustdid.""Wow," I began to think as Bob told me the story, "Is it possible that, by

adoptingsomeoneelse'shabitualvocabulary,youbegantoadopttheiremotionalpatternsaswell?"Andisn'tthisespeciallytrueif you've adopted not only their words, but also their volume, intensity, andtonality,too?"InthebeginningwastheWord..."

JOHN1:1I'm sure that one of the reasonsweoften become like the peoplewe spend

timewithisthatwedoadoptsomeoftheiremotionalpatternsbyadoptingsomeoftheirhabitualvocabulary.Peoplewhospendanyamountoftimewithmesoonfind themselvesusingwords like "passionate," "outrageous,"and"spectacular"todescribe their experiences.Canyou imagine thedifference that produces intheir positive states as compared to someonewho says they'remerely feeling"okay"?Canyouimaginehowusingtheword"passion"couldcauseyoutopegyouremotionalscale?It'sawordthattransforms,andbecauseIconsistentlyuseit,mylifehasmoreemotionaljuice.TransformationalVocabularycanallowustointensifyordiminishanyemotionalstate, positive or negative. Thismeans it gives us the power to take themostnegativefeelingsinourlivesandlowertheirintensitytothepointwheretheynolongerbotherus,andtakethemostpositiveexperiencesandmovethemtoevengreaterheightsofpleasureandempowerment.Laterthatday,asBobandIwerehavinglunch,webecameimmersedinaseriesofprojectswewereworkingontogether.Atonepoint,heturnedtomeandsaid,"Tony,Ican'tbelievethatanyoneintheworldcouldeverbebored."Iagreed."Iknowwhatyoumean.Seemscrazy,doesn't it?"Hesaid,"Yeah,boredom'snoteven inmyvocabulary." Justashe said that, I asked, "Whatdidyou just say?Boredomisaword that'snot inyourvocabulary...Doyou rememberwhatweweretalkingaboutearlier?It'snotinyourvocabulary,andyoudon'texperiencethefeeling.Hmmm.Isitpossiblethatwedon'texperiencecertainemotionsbecausewedon'thaveawordtorepresentthem?"THE WORDS YOU CONSISTENTLY SELECT WILL SHAPE YOUR

DESTINYEarlier Isaid that thewaywerepresent things inourmindsdetermineshow

we feel about life. A related distinction is that if you don't have a way ofrepresenting something, you can't experience it.While itmaybe true that youcan picture something without having a word for it, or you can represent itthrough sound or sensation, there's no denying that being able to articulate

somethinggives itaddeddimensionandsubstance,and thusasenseof reality.Wordsareabasictoolforrepresentingthingstoourselves,andoftenifthere'snoword, there'snoway to thinkabout theexperience.Forexample, someNativeAmericanlanguageshavenowordfor"lie"—thatconceptissimplynotapartoftheirlanguage.Norisitapartoftheirthinkingorbehavior.Withoutawordforit,theconceptdoesn'tseemtoexist.Infact,theTasadaytribeinthePhilippinesreportedly^asnowordsfor"dislike,""hate"or"war"—whatathought!Returning tomyinitialquestion, ifBobneverfeelsbored,andhedoesn'thavethatword in his vocabulary, I had to ask further, "What's aword that 1 neverusedtodescribehowI'mfeeling?"TheanswerIcameupwithwas"depression."1 may get frustrated, angry, curious, peeved, or overloaded, but I never getdepressed.Why?Haditalwaysbeenthatway?No.Eightyearsago,I'dbeeninapositionwhereIfeltdepressedallthetime.Thatdepressiondrainedeveryounceofmywill tochangemy life, andat the time itmademeseemyproblemsaspermanent,pervasive,andpersonal.FortunatelyIgotenoughpainthatIpulledmyselfoutofthatpit,andasaresultIlinkedmassivepaintodepression.Ibegantobelievethatbeingdepressedwastheclosestthingtobeingdead.Becausemybrain associated suchmassive pain to the very concept of depression,withoutmyevenrealizingit,Ihadautomaticallybanneditfrommyvocabularysothattherewas noway to represent or even feel it. In one stroke I had purgedmyvocabulary of disempowering language and thus a feeling that can devastateeven the stoutest of hearts. If an assemblageofwordsyou'reusing is creatingstatesthatdisempoweryou,getridofthosewordsandreplacethemwiththosethatempoweryou!Atthispointyoumaybesaying,"Thisisjustsemantics,isn'tit?Whatdifferencedoesitmaketoplaywithwords?"Theansweristhat,ifallyoudoischangetheword,thentheexperiencedoesnotchange.Butifusingthewordcausesyoutobreak your own habitual emotional patterns, then everything changes.EffectivelyusingTransformationalVocabulary—vocabularythattransformsouremotionalexperience—breaksunresourcefulpatterns,makesussmile,producestotally different feelings, changes our states, and allows us to ask moreintelligentquestions.For instance,mywife and I arebothpassionatepeoplewho feeldeeply aboutthings.Early inour relationship,wewouldoftenget intowhatweused tocall"prettyintensearguments."Butafterdiscoveringthepowerofthelabelsweputon our experience to alter that experience, we agreed to refer to these"conversations"as"spiriteddebates."Thatchangedourwholeperceptionofit.A"spirited debate" has different rules than an argument, and it definitely has adifferent emotional intensity to it. In sevenyears,we'venever returned to that

habituallevelofemotionalintensitythatwehadpreviouslyassociatedwithour"arguments."I also began to realize that I could soften emotional intensity even further byusingmodifiers;forexample,bysaying,"I'mjustabitpeeved,"or"I'mfeeingatadoutofsorts."OneofthethingsBeckywilldonow,ifshestartstogetalittlefrustrated, is to say, "I'm beginning to get a smidge cranky." We both laughbecause it breaks our pattern. Our new pattern is to make a joke of ourdisempowering feelings before they ever reach the point of our being upset—we've"killedthemonsterwhileit'slittle."When I shared this Transformational Vocabulary technology with my goodfriendKenBlanchard, he related tome examples of severalwords he uses tochangehisstate.OneisawordheadoptedinAfricawhenhewasonsafariandthetruckhewasinbrokedown.Heturnedtohiswife,Marge,andsaid,"Well,that'sratherinconvenient."Itworkedsowellinchangingtheirstates,nowtheyusethewordonaregularbasis.Onthegolfcourse,ifashotdoesn'tgothewayhe wants, he'll say, "That shot just underwhelms me." Tiny shifts like thesechangetheemotionaldirectionandthereforethequalityofourlives.YOU CAN USE TRANSFORMATIONAL VOCABULARY TO HELP

OTHERSOnceyouunderstand thepowerofwords,youbecomehighlysensitizednot

only to those you use, but to those that people around you use aswell. As aresultofmynewunderstandingofTransformationalVocabulary,Ifoundmyselfhelpingothersaroundme.I'llneverforgetthefirsttimeIbegantoconsciouslyuse this technology. It was in helping a friend of mine named Jim, a verysuccessfulbusinessmanwhowasgoingthroughsometoughtimes.IrememberthatI'dneverseenhimsodownbefore.As he talked, I noticed that he described how depressed he was, or howdepressing things were, at least a dozen times in a twenty-minute period. Idecided to see how quickly Transformational Vocabulary could help him tochangehisstate,soIaskedhim,"Areyoureallydepressed,orareyoufeelingalittlefrustrated?"Hesaid,"Iamfeelingveryfrustrated."Isaid,"Itlookstomelike you're actually making some very positive changes that will lead toprogress." Since he agreed, I described to him the impact hiswordsmight behavingonhisemotionalstate,andasked,"Domeafavor,okay?Forthenexttendays,promisemeyouwon'tusetheword'depressed'evenonce.Ifyoubegintouse it, immediately replace it with a more empowering word. Instead of

'depressed,' say, 'I'm feeling a little bit down.' Say, 'I'm getting better,' or 'I'mturningthingsaround.'"He agreed to commit to this as an experiment, and you can guess whathappened: one simple shift in hiswords shifted his pattern completely.He nolongerworkedhimselfuptothesamelevelofpain,andasaresult,hestayedinmoreresourcefulstates.TwoyearslaterwhenItoldJimthatIwaswritingabouthisexperienceinthisbook,hesharedwithmethathehasnotfeltdepressedonedaysincethattimebecauseheneverusesthatwordtodescribehisexperience.Remember,thebeautyofTransformationalVocabularyisitsuttersimplicity.It'strulyprofoundknowledge—somethingsosimpleanduniversallyapplicablethattheminuteyouuseit,itcanimmediatelyincreasethequalityofyourlife.Agreatexampleofthetransformationthat'spossiblewhenyouchangejustonewordiswhatoccurredseveralyearsagoatPIE,thenationwidetruckingservice.Their executives found that 60 percent of all their shipping contracts wereerroneous, and itwas costing themmore than a quarter of amillion dollars ayear.Dr.W.EdwardsDemingwashiredtofindthecause.Hedidanintensivestudy and discovered that 56 percent of these errors were based onmisidentification of containers by their ownworkers. Based onDr.Deming's.recommendations, the PIE executives decided that they must find a way tochangethecompany-widelevelofcommitmenttoqualityandthatthebestwaywouldbetochangehowtheirworkersviewedthemselves.Insteadofworkersortruckers, they started referring to themselves as craftsmen. At first peoplethoughtitwasstrange;afterall,whatdifferencecouldchangingajobtitlemake?Theyhadn't really changedanything,had they?Butpretty soon, as a result ofregularly using theword theworkers began to see themselves as "craftsmen,"andinlessthanthirtydaysPIEcuttheir56percenterroneousshippingsdowntoless than10percent,ultimatelysavingclose toaquarterofamilliondollarsayear.Thisillustratesafundamentaltruth:thewordsweuseasacorporatecultureandas individuals have a profound effect on our experience of reality.One of thereasonsIcreatedthewordCANI!ratherthanborrowtheJapanesetermkaizen("improvement"), was to build into one word the philosophy and thoughtpatternsofconstant,never-endingimprovement.Onceyoubegintoconsistentlyuseaword,itaffectswhatyouconsiderandhowyouthink.Thewordsthatweusecarrymeaningandemotion.Peopleinventwordsall thetime;that'soneofthemarvelsof theEnglish language,which is soquick toembracenewwordsandconcepts.Ifyoulookthroughacurrentdictionaryyou'lldiscoverthecontributions of many foreign languages, and especially from all kinds ofspecial-interestgroups.

Forexample,peopleinthesurfingculturehavecreatedwordsliketubular"and"rad"totranslatetheir"totallyawesome"experienceofthewavestotheirday-to-daylives.Theirprivatelingogainedsuchwidespreadacceptancethatitbecamepanofourcommonargotandthusthewayin which we think. This also brings up the point again that we need to beconscious of the words we adopt from those around us or those we selectourselves. Ifyouusephrases like"I'msuicidal"youhave instantly raisedyouremotionalpaintoalevelthatcouldactuallythreatenthequalityofyourlife.Or,if you're in a romantic relationship and tell your partner, "I'm leaving," youcreate thevery realpossibility that the relationship's about toend. If,howeveryouwere to say, "I'm incredibly frustrated" or "I'm angry," you have amuchbetterchanceatresolution.Mostprofessionshaveacertainsetofwordstheyusetodescribetheirworkandthethingsparticular to their typeofwork.Manyentertainersforexamplerightbefore they go onstage, get a feeling of tension in their stomachs. Theirbreathingchanges, theirpulseraces,andtheybegintoperspire.Someconsiderthis to be a natural pan of the preparation to perform, while others see it asevidence that theywill failThese sensationswhichCarlySimon called "stagefright,"keptherfromperformingliveforyears.BruceSpringsteen,ontheotherhand,getsthesamekindoftensioninhisstomach,onlyhelabelsthesefeelings"excitement"' He knows that he's about to have the incredibly powerfulexperienceofentertainingthousandsofpeople,andhavingthemloveit.Hecan'twaittogetonstage.ForBruceSpringsteen,tensioninhisstomachisanallyforCarlySimon,it'sanenemy.TAKETHESEYARDAPESANDGETRIDOFTHEGREYPOUPON!Following are some fun examples from Newsweek's "Buzzwords" of

TransformationalVocabularyusedintheworkplace...DaycareYardape:A fullymobilepreschooler.Usage: "At leastyours is in school. I'vegotayardapetocontendwith."Klingons:Hystericalyardapeswholatchonferociouslytoparents.ChemobylHussies:Aparticularlynastydiaper,as in, "Honey,youbetterwarnScandinavia."GreenElevens:Thegreen,drippingnostrilsofayardape.GreyPoupon:Themessinthediapers.FuneralDirectorsThistermitselfisamajorpieceofTransformationalVocabulary.Whatdidtheyusedtobecalled?Undertakers.Thentheybecamemorticians,andnowthey're

funeraldirectors,atermmostpeoplefindalittleeasiertotake...Shake 'n' Bake: Cremation without a funeral home service. Usage: "Oh, thisguy'sjustaShake'n'Bake."Peekaboo:Abriefviewingofthebodyandshortservice,usuallyinvolvingonlyfamilymembers.SWATTeamsAvonCalling:Blowingopenadoorwithashotgun.LawyersShopper:Afinanciallydependentspousewithnopersonalincome,asin"She'llneedatonofalimony.She'sashopper."Bombers:Divorcelawyerswhoseektodestroytheopposingspousebysettingalloftheassetsfortheirownclient.TanningSalonsCaspers:Pale-skinnedcustomers.(DerivedfromCaspertheFriendlyGhost)Iguanas:Overlytanned,leatherycustomers.

FROMTINKLEDTOTURBO-CHARGED

Whatwouldyourlifebelikeifyoucouldtakeallthenegativeemotionsyoueverfeltandlowertheirintensitysotheydidn'timpactyouaspowerfully,soyouwerealwaysincharge?Whatwouldyourlifebelikeifyoucouldtakethemostpositiveemotionsandintensifythem,therebytakingyourlifetoahigherlevel?Youcandobothoftheseinaheartbeat.Here'syourfirstassignment.Takeamomentrightnow,andwritedownthreewordsthatyoucurrentlyuseona regular basis to make yourself feel lousy (bored, frustrated, disappointed,angry,humiliated,hurt,sad,andsoforth).Whatever words you choose, be sure they are ones that you use regularly todisempoweryourself.Todiscoversomeofthewordsyouneedtotransform,askyourself,"WhataresomenegativefeelingsIhaveonaconsistentbasis?"Next,havingidentifiedthesethreewords,havesomefun.Putyourselfinacrazyandoutrageousstateandbrainstormsomenewwordsthatyouthinkyoucoulduse to either break your pattern or at least lower your emotional intensity insomeway.Letmegiveyouaclueonhowtoselectsomewordsthatwillreallyworkforyouoverthelongterm.Rememberthatyourbrainlovesanythingthatgetsyououtofpainandintopleasure,sopickawordthatyou'llwanttouseinplace of the old, limiting one. One of the reasons I used "peeved" or "a bitannoyed"insteadof"angry"isthattheysoundsoridiculous.It'satotalpatterninterrupt for me and anyone who's listening tome, and since I love to breakpatterns,Igetalotoffunandpleasureoutofusingthesewords.Onceyougetresultslikethat,Iguaranteeyou'llalsogetaddictedtotheprocess.Tohelpyougetstarted,herearesomeexamplesofsimpleandridiculouswordsyoucanusetoimmediatelyloweryourintensity:Negative

Emotion/ExpressionI'mfeeling...toangrytoafraidtoanxioustoanxioustoconfusedtodepressedtodepressedtodepressedto

TransformsIntoI'mfeeling...disenchanteduncomfortablealittleconcernedexpectantcuriouscalmbeforeactionnotontopofitontheroadtoatum-aroundTheVocabularyofUltimateSuccessdestroyedthatstinkspissedoffdisappointeddisappointeddisgusteddreadembarrassedembarrassedexhaustedexhaustedfailurefailurefailurefearfearfulfrightenedfrustratedfrustratedfurioushumiliatedhumiliatedhurthurtIhateimpatientinsecureinsulted

insultedirritatedirritatedjealouslazylonelylonelylostnervousoverloadedoverwhelmedoverwhelmedoverwhelmedoverwhelmedsetback

that'salittlearomatictinkledunderwhelmeddelayedsurprisedchallengeawarestimulatedrechargingalittledroopystumblelearninggettingeducatedwondermentcuriousinquiringchallengedfascinatedpassionateuncomfortablesurprisedbothereddinged

Ipreferanticipatingquestioningmisunderstoodmisinterpretedstimulatedruffledoveriovingstoringenergyavailabletemporarilyonmyownsearchingenergizedstretchingsomeimbalancebusychallengedindemandoverwhelmedoverwhelmedoverwhelmedpainfulpetrifiedrejectedrejectedrejectedrejectedrejectedsadscaredoh,shitsickstressedstressedstressedstupidstupidstupidterriblemanyopportunities

maximizedmovingandshakinguncomfortablechallengeddeflectedlearningoverlookedunderappreciatedmisunderstoodsortingmythoughtsexcitedoh,poocleansingbusyblessedenergizeddiscoveringunresourcefullearningdifferentNow,youcandobetterthanthislist,I'msure,socomeupwiththreewords

thatyouhabituallyusethatcreatenegativefeelingsinyourlife,andthenwritealist of alternatives that would either break your pattern bymaking you laughbecausethey'resoridiculous,oratleastlowertheintensity.Old,DisempoweringWordNew,EmpoweringWord

1.______________________________________2.______________________________________3.______________________________________Howdoyoumakesurethatyoureallyusethesewords?Theanswerissimple:

NACyourself.RememberNeuroAssociativeConditioning?Rememberthefirsttwosteps?StepOne:Decidethatyou'recommittedtohavingmuchmorepleasureinyourlifeandalotlesspain.Realizethatoneofthethingsthat'skeptyoufromhavingthatisusinglanguagethatintensifiesnegativeemotion.StepTwo:Getleverageonyourselfsothatyou'llusethesethreenewwords.Onewaytodothisistothinkofhowridiculousitistoworkyourselfintoafrenzywhenyouhavethechoiceoffeelinggood!MaybeanevenmorepowerfulwaytogetleverageistodowhatIdid:approachthreefriendsandsharewiththem

thewordsthatyouwanttochange.Forexample,Ifoundmyselfbeingfrustrateda lot inmy life, so I decided tobecome "fascinated" instead. I alsowasoftensaying, "I have to do this," and it made me feel stressed. Since I wanted areminder about how fortunate I am, and because it really transformed myexperience, Ibegan tosay,"Iget todo this." Idon'thave todoanything!Andinsteadofbeing"angry,"Iwantedtoeitherbe"annoyed,""peeved,"or"alittlebitconcerned."For the next ten days, if I caught myself using the old word, I wouldimmediately break my pattern and replace it with the new word. By givingmyself pleasure for committing and following through, I established a newpattern.Myfriends,though,weretheretohelpmeifIgotofftrack.Theyweretoimmediatelyaskme,"Tony,areyouangry,orareyoujustpeeved?""Areyoufrustratedorfascinated?"Imadeitcleartothemnottousethisasaweapon,butasatoolofsupport.Withinashort period of time, these new language patterns became my consistentapproach.DoesthismeanthatIcanneverfeel"angry"?Ofcoursenot.Angercanbeaveryusefulemotionattimes.Wejustdon'twantourmostnegativeemotionstobeourtoolsoffirstresort.Wewanttoaddtoourlevelofchoice.Wewanttohavemoreof thosemoldsinwhichtopourour liquidsensationsof lifesothatwehaveagreaternumberandqualityofemotionsinourlives.Ifyoureallywanttomakethesechanges,gotothreeofyourfriends,explaintothem what you're doing, what words you want, and have them ask yourespectfully, "Are you (old word) or (new word)?"Make the commitment tobreak your own patterns aswell,whenever possible.Give yourself immediatepleasurewheneveryouusethenewalternative,andyou'lldevelopanewlevelofchoiceforyourlife.Of course, using Transformational Vocabulary is not limited to loweringnegative intensity; it alsooffers us theopportunity topowerfully intensifyourexperienceofpositiveemotions.Whensomeoneaskshowyou'redoing,insteadof saying, "Okay" or "So-so," knock their socks off by exclaiming, "I feelspectacular!" As simplistic as this sounds, it creates a new pattern in yourneurology—anewneuralhighway topleasure.So rightnow,writedown threewordsyouusetodescribehowyou'refeelingorhowyou'redoingonaregularbasis that are "just okay" in their orientation—"I'm feeling good," "I'm fine,""Thingsareallright."Thencomeupwithnewonesthatwillabsolutelyinspireyou.Ifyouwantsome suggestions, look at the following list and circle theones that you thinkwouldbefuntoaddtoyourvocabularytospiceupyourcurrentexperienceof

life:GoodWordGreatWord

I'mfeelingalertallrightattractiveawakecomfortableconfidentcontentcoolcuriousdeterminedenergizedenthusiasticexcitedexcitedexcitedfantasticfastfeelinggoodfeelinggoodfinefocusedfortunatefull

fungladgoodgoodgoodgood

goodgreatgreatgreatgreatgreat

happyhappyhappyhappy

intenseinterestedinterestinglikelikelikelovedlovinglovingmotivatedmotivatedmotivatedmovingforwardnice

nicenoproblemnotbadokayokayokaypayingattentionpeacefulperfectpleasantpowerfulprettygoodprettygoodpumpedupquickresourcefulsatisfiedsecuresecuresecure

securesmartstimulatedstrongsupertastyterrificI'mfeeling...energizedsuperbgorgeousraringtogosmashingunstoppablesereneoutrageousfascinatedunstoppableturbo-chargedexcitedecstaticimpassionedoutrageousfabulousballisticcosmicallychargedjusttremendousawesomeenergizedunbelievablyblessedrepletevivaciousoverthemoonbetterthanexcellentdynamitejustdoesn'tgetanybettermagicvibrant

exuberantexhilaratedkillerincrediblephenomenalecstaticjazzedstoked,exuberantandhypedtotallyblissedlaser-likeenthralledcaptivatingenrapturedidolizerelishadoredexudinglovepassionatecompelleddriventojuicedmovingatwarpspeedfantasticspectacularhappytocouldn'tbebetterenergizedfantasticperfect!focusedsereneextraordinarymonumentalinvinciblecoolamundogreatsoaring

explosivebrilliantsatiatedcenteredconfidentemboldenedempoweredgiftedchargedupinvincibleboomingsumptuousecstaticUse the same systemof contactingyour three friends tomake sureyouuse

thesenew,powerful,positivewords,andhavefundoingit!SOFTENYOURAPPROACHTOPAINWITHOTHERSIt'sdifficult tooverestimate the impactourTransformationalVocabularyhas

onourselvesandonothers.WeneedtorememberthevalueofusingwhatIcallsofteners and intensifiers; they give us a greater degree of precision in ourdealingswithothers,whetherit'saromanticrelationship,abusinessnegotiation,or all thepossible scenarios inbetween.Years ago,when I thought somethingwas"screwedup"inmybusiness,Iwouldcall theappropriatepersonandsay,"I'mreallyupset"or"I'mreallyworriedaboutthis."Doyouknowwhatthatdid?Mylanguagepatternautomaticallyputtheotherpersonintoreaction,evenifitwasn't my intention; often, they tended to become defensive, something thatpreventedbothofusfromfindingasolutiontothechallengebeforeus.SowhatIlearnedtodoinsteadwastosay(evenifIfeltmoreintensity),"I'malittlebitconcernedaboutsomething.Canyouhelpme?"Firstofall,doingthisloweredmyownemotionalintensity.Thisbenefitedbothmeandthepersonwithwhom I was communicating.Why? Because "concerned" is a much differentwordthan"worried."Ifyousaythatyou'reworriedaboutsomething,youmaybeconveying the impression thatyoudon'thavefaith in thisperson'sabilities.And second, adding "a little bit" softens the message significantly. So bylowering my intensity, I enabled the person to respond from a position ofstrengthandalsoenhancedmylevelofcommunicationwiththem.Canyouseehow this would improve your interactions at home as well? How do youhabitually communicatewith your kids?Oftenwe don't realize the power ourwordshaveonthem.Children,aswellasadults,tendtotakethingspersonally,

and we need to be sensitized to the possible ramifications of thoughtlessremarks. Insteadof continuallyblurtingout impatiently, "You're so stupid!"or"You'resoclumsy!"—apatternthatcaninsomecasespowerfullyundermineachild's sense of self-worth—break your own pattern by saying something like"I'mgettingalittlebitpeevedwithyourbehavior;comeoverhereandlet'stalkaboutthis."Notonlydoesthisbreakthepattern,allowingbothofyoutoaccessabetter state to intelligently communicate your feelings and desires, but it alsosendsthechildthemessagethatthechallengeisnotwiththemasapersonbutwiththeirbehavior—somethingthatcanbechanged.ThiscanbuildwhatIcalltheRealityBridge,thefoundationformorepowerfuland positive communication between two people—and have amore powerful,positiveimpactonyourkids.Thekeyinanyofthesesituationsistobeabletobreakyourpattern;otherwise,inyourunresourcefulstate,youmaysaythingsyou'llregretlater.Thisisexactlyhowmanyrelationshipsaredestroyed.Inastateofanger,wemaysaythingsthathurtsomebody'sfeelingsandmakethemwanttoretaliate,orcausethemtofeelsohurtthattheydon'twanttoopenuptouseveragain.Sowe'vegottorealizethepowerofourwords,bothtocreateandtodestroy."TheGermanpeopleisnowarlikenation.

Itisasoldierlyone,whichmeansitdoesnotwantawarbutdoesnotfearit.Itlovespeacebutitalsolovesitshonorandfreedom."ADOLFHITLERWords have been used by demagogues throughout the ages to murder and

subjugate,aswhenHitlerpervertedanation'sfrustrationsintohatredforasmallgroupofpeople,andinhislustforterritorypersuadedtheGermanpopulacetogirdforwar.SaddamHusseinlabeledhisinvasionofKuwait,andthesubsequenthostilities, a jihad, or "Holy War," which powerfully transformed the Iraqicitizens'perceptionsofthejustnessoftheircause.To a lesser extent,we can see in our recent history plenty of examples of thecarefuluseofwordstoredefineexperience.DuringtherecentPersianGulfWar,the military's jargon was unbelievably complex, but it served to soften theimpactofthedestructionthatwasoccurring.DuringtheReaganadministration,theMXmissilewasrenamedthe"Peacekeeper."TheEisenhoweradministrationconsistentlyreferredtotheKoreanWarasa"policeaction."We'vegottobepreciseinthewordsweusebecausetheycarrymeaningnotonlytoourselvesaboutourownexperience,butalso toothers. Ifyoudon't like theresultsyou'regetting inyourcommunicationwithothers, takeacloser lookatthewordsyou'reusingandbecomemoreselective.I'mnotsuggestingthatyou

become so sensitized that you can't use a word. But selecting words thatempoweryouiscritical.By the same token, is it always toour advantage to lower the intensityofournegativeemotions?Theanswerisno.Sometimesweneedtogetourselvesintoanangrystateinordertocreateenoughleveragetomakeachange.Allhumanemotionshavetheirplace,aswe'lltalkaboutinChapter11.However,wewanttomake certain thatwe do not access ourmost negative and intense states tostart with. So please don't misinterpret me; I'm not asking you to live a lifewhere you don't have any negative sensations or emotions. There are placeswhere they can be very important. We'll talk about one of them in the nextchapter.Realize thatourgoal is to consistently feel lesspain inour lives, andmorepleasure.Mastering Transformational Vocabulary is one of the single most simple andpowerfulstepstowardthatgoal.Beware of labels that can limit your experience. As I mentioned in the firstchapter, I worked with a young boy who was at one time labeled "learningdisabled" and is now evaluated as a genius. You can imagine how that onechange inwords has radically transformed his perception of himself and howmuchofhisabilityhenowtaps.Whatarethewordsyouwanttobeknownby?Whatcharacteristicwordorphrasedoyouwantotherstoidentifywithyou?We'vegottobeverycarefulofacceptingotherpeople'slabels,becauseonceweput a labelon something,wecreate a correspondingemotion.Nowhere is thistruer than with diseases. Everything that I've studied in the field ofpsychoneuroimmunology reinforces the idea that the words we use producepowerfulbiochemicaleffects.InaninterviewwithNormanCousins,hetoldmeoftheworkhe'ddoneinthelasttwelveyearswithover2,000patients.Timeandagain,henoticedthatthemomentapatientwasdiagnosed—i.e.,hadalabeltoattach to his symptoms—he became worse. Labels like "cancer," "multiplesclerosis,"and"heartdisease"tendedtoproducepanicinthepatients,leadingtohelplessnessanddepressionthatactuallyimpairedtheeffectivenessofthebody'simmunesystem.ANDNOW,APAUSEFOROURSPONSOR...

Sometimesvocabularyisevenmoretransformationalthanbargainedfor—afactto which several major advertisers can attest. After translating their slogan"ComeAlive!You're in thePepsiGeneration" intoChinese,corporateofficialswere stunned todiscover that they'd just spentmillionsofdollars announcing,"Pepsi BringsYourAncestors Back from theGrave." Chevrolet,mystified bysluggishsalesofitsnewNovacompactinLatinAmerica,eventuallydiscovered

theSpanishtranslationofnova:"ItDoesn'tGo."Conversely, studies proved that if patients could be freed of the depression

producedbycertainlabels,acorrespondingboostwasautomaticallyproducedintheirimmunesystems."Wordscanproduceillness;wordscankill,"Cousinstoldme. "Therefore, wise physicians are very careful about the way theycommunicate." That's one of the reasonswhy, in FortuneManagement,™ ourpractice-managementcompany,weworkwithdoctorsnotonlyinhelpingthemtobuild theirbusinesses,but in teaching themhow toenhance theiremotionalsensitivitytoenablethemtocontributemore.Ifyou'reinaprofessionwhereyouworkwithpeople,it'simperativethatyouunderstandthepowerofwordstoimpactthosearoundyou.If you're still skeptical, I suggest that you simply test TransformationalVocabulary on yourself, and seewhat happens.Often in seminars, people saythingslike,"I'msoangryaboutwhatthispersondidtome!"I'llask them,"Areyouangry,orareyouhurt?"Justasking themthatquestionoftenmakesthemreevaluatethesituation.Whentheyselectanewwordandsay,"I guess I'm hurt," you can instantly see their physiology reflect a drop inintensity.It'saloteasierforthemtodealwithhurtthanitiswithanger.Similarly,youcan try loweringyour emotional intensity in areasyoumaynothave thought of. For instance, instead of using the phrase, "I'm starving todeath,"what if instead you said, "I feel a little hungry"?By using that, you'lldiscoverasIhavethatyoucanliterallylowertheintensityofyourappetiteinamatterofmoments.Sometimespeopleovereatsimplyoutofahabitualpatternofwhippingthemselvesintoanemotionalfrenzy.Partofitstartswiththelanguagetheyuseconsistently.At a recentDateWithDestiny seminar, wewitnessed a great example of thepower of using words to change someone's state instantly. One of theparticipants came back from dinner, absolutely radiant. She told us that rightbefore dinner she'd had an incredible urge to cry, and ran out of the room,bawling."Everythingwasall jumbledup,"shesaid."I felt like Iwasgoing toburst.IthoughtIwasgoingtohaveabreakdown.ButthenIsaidtomyself'No,no,no,you'rehavingabreak-up/'Thatmademelaugh.AndthenIthought,'No—you're having a breakthrough?'" The only thing she had changed was oneword, but by taking control of her labeling process (her vocabulary) shecompletely changed her state and her perception of her experience—and thustransformedherreality.Now is your chance. Take control. Notice the words you habitually use, and

replace them with ones that empower you, raising or lowering the emotionalintensityasappropriate.Starttoday.Setthisprocessionaleffectinmotion.Writedownyourwords,makeyourcommitment,followthrough,andknowwhatthepowerofthissimpletoolinandofitselfwillaccomplishwithoutusinganythingelse.Next, let's take a look at something that's equally fun and equally simple inempoweringyou tomanageyour emotions consistently.Together, let's blaze atrailofpossibilityasyou...

DESTROYTHEBLOCKS,BREAKDOWNTHEWALL,LETGOOFTHEROPE,ANDDANCEYOURWAYTOSUCCESS:THEPOWEROFLIFEMETAPHORS"Themetaphorisperhapsoneofman'smostfruitfulpotentialities.Itsefficacy

vergesonmagic,anditseemsatoolforcreationwhichGodforgotinsideoneofHiscreatureswhenHemadehim."joseortegaygasset"I'mattheendofmyrope."

"Ican'tbreakthroughthewall.""Myheadisabouttoburst.""I'matacrossroads.""Istruckout.""I'mfloatingonair.""I'mdrowning.""I'mhappyasalark.""I'vereachedadeadend.""I'mcarryingtheworldonmyshoulders.""Lifeisabowlofcherries.""Lifeisthepits."Inthelastchapterwetalkedaboutthepowerofwordstoshapeourlivesand

direct our destinies. Now, let's look at certain words that carry even moremeaningandemotionalintensity:metaphors.Inordertounderstandmetaphors,we must first understand symbols. What creates more immediate impact: theword"Christian"ortheimageofacross?Ifyou'relikemanypeople,thecrosshasmore power to produce immediate positive emotions. It's literally nothingbuttwointersectinglines,butithasthepowertocommunicateastandardandawayof life tomillionsofpeople.Nowtake thatcross, twist it intoaswastika,andcontrast itwith theword "Nazi."Whichhasmorepower to influenceyounegatively?Again,ifyou'relikemost,theswastikawilltendtoproducestrongersensationsmore quickly than the word itself. Throughout human history, symbols havebeenemployed to trigger emotional responseand shapemen'sbehavior.Manythingsserveassymbols:images,sounds,objects,actions,and,ofcourse,words.

Ifwordsaresymbolic,thenmetaphorsareheightenedsymbols.What is a metaphor? Whenever we explain or communicate a concept bylikeningittosomethingelse,weareusingametaphor.Thetwothingsmaybearlittleactualresemblancetoeachother,butourfamiliaritywithoneallowsustogainanunderstandingoftheother.Metaphorsaresymbolsand,assuch,theycancreateemotionalintensityevenmorequicklyandcompletely than the traditionalwordsweuse.Metaphorscan transformusinstantly.Ashumanbeings,weconstantlythinkandspeakinmetaphors.Oftenpeoplespeakof"beingcaughtbetweenarockandahardplace."Theyfeellikethey're"inthedark,"orthatthey're"strugglingtokeeptheirheadabovewater."Doyouthinkyoumightbealittlebitmorestressedifyouthoughtaboutdealingwith your challenge in terms of "struggling to keep your head above water"rather than"climbing the ladderof success"?Wouldyou feeldifferentlyabouttakingatestifyoutalkedabout"sailing"throughitratherthan"flailing"?Wouldyour perception and experience of time change if you talked about time"crawling"ratherthan"flying"?Youbetitwould!Oneoftheprimarywayswelearnisthroughmetaphors.Learningistheprocessofmakingnewassociationsinourminds,creatingnewmeanings,andmetaphorsare ideally suited for this.When we don't understand something, a metaphorprovidesawayofseeinghowwhatwedon'tunderstandislikesomethingwedounderstand.Themetaphorhelpsustolinkuparelationship.IfXislikeY,andweunderstandX,suddenlyweunderstandY. If, forexample,someone tries toexplain electricity to you by throwing around the terms "ohms," "amperes,""wattage," and "resistors," chances are they'll totally confuse you because it'slikely you have no understanding of thesewords, no references for them, andthereforeit'sdifficulttounderstandarelationshipbetweenthem.ButwhatifIexplainedelectricitytoyoubycomparingittosomethingyouwerealreadyfamiliarwith?WhatifIdrewyouapictureofapipeandsaid,"Haveyoueverseenwaterrunningthroughapipe?"You'dsayyes.ThenI'dsay,"Whatiftherewerealittleflapthatcouldslowdowntheamountofwatergoingthroughthepipe?Thatlittleflapiswhataresistordoesinanelectricalunit."Wouldyounow know what a resistor is? You bet—and you'd know it instantly. Why?Because I told you how this was like something you already understood. Allgreat teachers—Buddha, Mohammed, Confucius, Lao-Tzu—have usedmetaphorstoconveytheirmeaningtothecommonman.Regardlessofreligiousbeliefs, most would agree that Jesus Christ was a remarkable teacher whosemessageoflovehasendurednotonlybecauseofwhathesaid,butalsothewayinwhichhesaidit.Hedidn'tgotothefishermenandtellthemhewantedthemto recruit Christians; they would have no reference for recruiting. So he told

themhewantedthemtobecome"fishersofmen."The minute he used that metaphor, they immediately understood what theyneeded to do. This metaphor instantly gave them an analogous step-by-stepprocess for how to bring others into the faith.When he told his parables, hedistilled complex ideas into simple images that transformed anyonewho tooktheirmessage to heart. In fact, not onlywas Jesus amaster storyteller, but heusedhiswholelifeasametaphortoillustratethestrengthofGod'sloveandthepromiseofredemption.Metaphorscanempowerusbyexpandingandenrichingourexperienceof life.Unfortunately, though, if we're not careful, when we adopt a metaphor weinstantaneously also adopt many limiting beliefs that come with it. For yearsphysicistsusedthemetaphorofthesolarsystemtodescribetherelationshipoftheelectrons to theprotonsandneutronswithin thenucleusof anatom.Whatwas great about thismetaphor? It immediately helped students understand therelationshipbetweentheatom and something they already understood.They could immediately picturethe nucleus as the sun and the electrons as planets revolving around it. Thechallengewasthatbyadoptingthismetaphor,physicists—withoutrealizingit—adopted a belief system that electrons remained in equidistant orbits from thenucleus, very much in the same way that planets remained in basicallyequidistantorbitsfromthesun.Itwasaninaccurateandlimitingpresupposition.Intact,itlockedphysicistsforyearsintoapatternofirresolutionofmanyatomicquestions, all because of a false set of presuppositions adopted due to thismetaphor.Todayweknowthatelectronsdon'tmaintainequidistantorbits;theirorbitsvaryindistancefromthenucleus.Thisnewunderstandingwasn'tadopteduntilthesolarsystemmetaphorhadbeenabandoned.Theresultwasaquantumleapintheunderstandingofatomicenergy.

GLOBALMETAPHORS

RemembermyragingCEO?ThesamedayImadethedistinctionsthatledtothecreationofthetechnologyofTransformationalVocabulary,Idiscoveredthevalue of what I call global metaphors. I knew that my CEO used words thatintensified his emotion, and I wondered what made him feel those negativefeelingsinthefirstplace.AsyouandIalreadyknow,everythingwedoisbasedonthestatewe'rein,andourstateisdeterminedbyourphysiologyandthewaywerepresentthingsinourminds.SoIaskedhimwhyhewassoupset,andhesaid,"Well,it'sliketheyhaveusinaboxwithaguntoourheads."Doyouthinkyou'dreactratherintenselyifyoubelievedor represented in yourmind that youwere trapped in a situation likethis? It's not hard to figure out why he was in a rage. Now, for many yearswithout realizing it, I'd helped people change how they were feeling byinterrupting theirpatternsandchanging theirmetaphors. I justwasn'tawareofwhatIwasdoing.(That'spanofthepowerofcreatingalabel:onceyouhavealabelforwhatyoudo,youcanproduceabehaviorconsistently.)IturnedtotheCEOandasked,"Whatcoloristhesquirtgun?"Helookedatmeinapuzzledstateandsaid,"What?"Irepeatedthequestion,"Whatcoloristhesquirtgun?"Thisimmediatelybrokehispattern.Inordertoanswermyquestion,hismind had to focus onmyweird question,which immediately changed hisinternalfocus.Whenhebegantopictureasquirtgun,doyouthinkhisemotionchangedasaresult?Youbet!Hestartedtolaugh.Yousee,virtuallyanyquestionwe ask repeatedly, a personwill eventually entertain an answer to, andwhentheydoansweryourquestion,itchangestheirfocus.Forexample,ifI tellyouoverandover,"Don'tthinkofthecolorblue,"whatcolorareyougoingtothinkof?Theanswer,obviously,is"blue."Andwhateveryouthinkabout,you'llfeel.Gettinghimtothinkaboutthesituationintermsofasquirtgun,Iimmediatelyshatteredhisdisempoweringimagery,andtherebychangedhisemotionalstateinthemoment.What about his box? I handled that in a differentway because Iknewhewascompetitive;Isimplysaid,"Asfarasthisboxideaisconcerned,Idon'tknowaboutyou,butIknownoonecouldeverbuildaboxbigenoughtohold me." You can imagine how quickly that destroyed his box! This manregularlyfeelsintensebecausehe'soperatingwithaggressivemetaphors.Ifyouarefeelingreallybadaboutsomething,takeaquicklookatthemetaphorsyou'reusingtodescribehowyouarefeeling,orwhyyouarenotprogressing,orwhatisgettingintheway.Oftenyou'reusingametaphorthatintensifiesyournegative

feelings.When people are experiencing difficulties they frequently say thingslike"Ifeelliketheweightoftheworldisonmyback"or"There'sthiswallinfrontofme,and I just can'tbreak through."Butdisempoweringmetaphorscanbechangedjust as quickly as theywere created.You choose to represent themetaphor asbeingreal;youcanchangethemetaphorjustasquickly.Soifsomeonetellsmetheyfeelliketheyhavetheweightoftheworldontheirback,I'llsay,"Settheworlddownandmoveon."They'll givemea funny look,but sure enough, inorder to understandwhat I just said, they'llmake a change in their focus andthereforehowtheyfeelimmediately.Orifsomeonetellsmethattheyjustcan'tmakeprogress,thattheykeephittingawall,Itellthemtostophittingitandjustdrillaholethroughit.Orclimboverit,ortunnelunderit,orwalkover,openthedoor,andgothroughit.You'd be surprised, as simplistic as this sounds, how quickly people willrespond.Again, themoment you represent things differently in yourmind, inthatmomentyou'llinstantlychangethewayyoufeel.Ifsomeonetellsme,"I'mattheendofmyrope,"I'llsay,"Setitasideandcomeoverhere!"Oftenpeopletalkabouthowtheyfeel"stuck"inasituation.You'reneverstuck!Youmaybealittle frustrated, you may not have clear answers, but you're not stuck. Theminute you represent the situation to yourself as being stuck, though, that'sexactlyhowyou'llfeel.Wemustbeverycarefulaboutthemetaphorsweallowourselvestouse.Becarefulofthemetaphorsthatotherpeopleofferyouaswell.RecentlyIreadanarticleaboutthefactthatSallyFieldisnowturning44.Thearticlesaidshe'sbeginningtostart"downtheslipperyslopeofmiddleage."Whatahorribleanddisempoweringwaytorepresentyourexpandingwisdom!Ifyoufeellikeyou'reinthedark,thensimplyturnthelightson.Ifyoufeellikeyou'redrowninginaseaofconfusion,walkupthebeachandrelaxontheislandofunderstanding.Iknowthiscansoundjuvenile,butwhat'strulyjuvenileisallowingourselvestounconsciously selectmetaphors that disempower us on a consistent basis.Wemusttakechargeofourmetaphors,notjusttoavoidtheproblemmetaphors,butsothatwecanadopttheempoweringmetaphorsaswell.Onceyoubecomesensitizedtothemetaphorsyouandotherpeopleuse,makingachangeisveryeasy.Allyouneedtodoisaskyourself,"IsthiswhatIreallymean? Is this really theway it is, or is thismetaphor inaccurate?"Remember,anytimeyouusethewords"Ifeellike"or"Thisislike,"theword"like"isoftenatriggerfortheuseofametaphor.Soaskyourselfamoreempoweringquestion.Ask, "Whatwould be a bettermetaphor?Whatwould be amore empoweringwayofthinkingofthis?Whatelseisthislike?"Forexample,ifIweretoaskyou

whatlifemeanstoyou,orwhatyourmetaphorforlifeis,youmightsay,"Lifeislike a constant battle" or "Life is awar." If youwere to adopt thismetaphor,you'dbegintoadoptaseriesofbeliefsthatcomewithit.Liketheexampleoftheatomandthesolarsystem,you'dbegintoconductyourbehaviorbasedonasetofunconsciousbeliefsthatarecarriedwithinthismetaphor.Awholesetofrules,ideas,andpreconceivednotionsaccompanyanymetaphoryouadopt.Soifyoubelievelifeisawar,howdoesthatcoloryourperceptionsoflife?Youmightsay,"It'stough,anditendswithdeath."Or,"It'sgoingtobemeagainsteverybodyelse."Or,"It'sdogeatdog."Or,"Iflifeisreallyabattle,then maybe I'm going to get hurt." All these filters impact your unconsciousbeliefsaboutpeople,possibility,work,effort,andlifeitself.Thismetaphorwillaffect your decisions about how to think, how to feel, andwhat to do. Itwillshapeyouractionsandthereforeyourdestiny.

LIFEISAGAME

Different people have different global metaphors. For example, in readinginterviewswithDonaldTrump,I'venoticedthatheoftenreferstolifeasa"test."Youeitherwinfirstplace,oryou lose there'sno inbetween.Canyou imaginethe stress thatmust create in his life, interpreting it thisway? If life is a test,maybeit'sgoingtobetough;maybeyou'dbetterbeprepared;maybeyoucouldflunk out (or cheat, I suppose). For some people, life is a competition. Thatmightbefun,butitcouldalsomeanthatthereareotherpeopleyouhavetobeat,thattherecouldbeonlyonewinner.For somepeople, life is a game.Howmight that color yourperceptions?Lifemightbefun—whataconcept!Itmightbesomewhatcompetitive.Itmightbeachanceforyoutoplayandenjoyyourselfalotmore.Somepeoplesay,"Ifit'sagame,thentherearegoingtobelosers."Otherpeopleask,"Willittakealotofskill?"Italldependsonwhatbeliefsyouattachtotheword"game";butwiththatonemetaphor,again,youhaveasetoffiltersthatisgoingtoaffectthewayyouthinkandthewayyoufeel.Surely,MotherTeresa'smetaphorforlifeisthatit'ssacred.Whatifyoubelievedlife is sacred? If that were your primary metaphor, you might have morereverenceforit—oryoumightthinkthatyouweren'tallowedtohavesomuchfun.What if you believe life is a gift?All of a sudden it becomes a surprise,something fun, something special.What ifyou think life is adance?Wouldn'tthat be a kick? Itwouldbe somethingbeautiful, somethingyoudowith otherpeople, something with grace, rhythm, and joy. Which of these metaphorsproperlyrepresentslife?They'reprobablyallusefulatdifferenttimestohelpyouinterpretwhatyouneedto do to make changes. But remember, all metaphors carry benefits in somecontext,andlimitationsinothers.AsI'vebecomemoresensitizedtometaphors,what I'vebegun tobelieve is that havingonlyonemetaphor is agreatway tolimityourlife.Therewouldbenothingwrongwiththesolarsystemmetaphorifaphysicisthadmanyotherwaysofdescribingatomsaswell.Soifwewanttoexpandourlives,weshouldexpandthemetaphorsweusetodescribewhatourlifeisorwhatourrelationshipsare,orevenwhoweareashumanbeings.Arewelimitedtometaphorsaboutlifeoraboutatoms?Ofcoursenot.Wehavemetaphors for almost every area of our experience. Take work, for example.Somepeoplewillsay,"Well,backtothesaltmines"or"Ihavetoputmynosetothe grindstone." How do you think those people feel about their jobs? Some

businesspeopleIknowuseglobalmetaphorslike"myassets"forthebusinessestheyownand"myliabilities"forthepeopletheyemploy.Howdoyouthinkthataffects the way they treat people? Others look at business as a gardenwhereeverydayyouhavetomaintainandimproveitsothateventuallyyouwillreapareward.Stillothers seeworkasachance tobewith friends, to joinawinningteam.Asforme,Ithinkofmybusinessesasfamilies.This allowsus to transform thequalityof the connectionswe sharewith eachother."Lifeispaintingapicture,notdoingasum."

OLIVERWENDELLHOLMES,JR.Can you see how changing just one global metaphor from "Life is a

competition"to"Lifeisagame"couldinstantlychangeyourexperienceoflifeinmany areas simultaneously?Would it change your relationships if you sawlifeasadance?Coulditchangethewayyouoperateinyourbusiness?Youbetitcould!Thisisanexampleofapivotpoint,aglobalchange,wherejustmakingthisonechangewouldtransformthewayyouthinkandfeelinmultipleareasofyourlife.Iamnotsayingthatthereisarightorwrongwayoflookingatthings.Justrealizethatchangingoneglobalmetaphorcaninstantly transformthewayyoulookatyourentirelife.JustaswithTransformationalVocabulary,thepowerofmetaphorsisintheirsimplicity.Years ago I was conducting a two-week Certification program in Scottsdale,Arizona.Inthemiddleoftheseminar,amanjumpedupandstartedstabbingoutatpeoplewithhisbarehandsasifhewereholdingaknife,whilescreamingatthe top of his lungs, "I’mblacking out, I'm blacking out!"A psychiatristwhowas sitting two rows in front of him shouted, "Oh, my God! He's having apsychotic breakdown!" Fortunately, I didn't accept the psychiatrists label ofTransformationalVocabulary.Instead,allIknewwasthatIneededtochangetheexcited man's state instantly. I had not developed the concept of globalmetaphorsyet;IjustdidwhatIknewhowtodobest.Iinterruptedhispattern.Iwentuptohimandyelled,"Thenjustwhiteitout!Usethatstuffyouusewhenyou're typing!White itout!"Themanwas stunned for amoment.He stoppedwhathewasdoing,andeverybodypausedtoseewhatwouldhappennext.Withinamatterofsecondshisfaceandbodychanged,andhestartedtobreathedifferently.Isaid,"Whiteoutthewholething."ThenIaskedhimhowhefeltandhesaid,"Thatfeelsalotbetter."SoIsaid,"Well,then,sitdown,"andcontinuedwith the seminar.Everyone lookeddumb-founded, and to tell the truth. I, too,was a bit surprised that it worked this easily! Two days later this manapproachedmeandsaid,"Idon'tknowwhat thatwhole thingwasabout,but I

turnedfortythatdayandjustlostit.IfeltlikestabbingoutbecauseIwasinthisblackness and it was swallowing me up. But when I put that White-Out on,everything just brightened up. I felt totally different. I started thinking newthoughts,andIfeelfinetoday."Andhecontinuedtofeelfinefortheduration—justbychangingonesimplemetaphor.So far we've spoken only of how to lower our negative emotional intensitythroughtheuseofTransformationalVocabularyandglobalmetaphors.However,sometimes it's useful and important to get ourselves to feel negative emotionswith strong intensity.For example, I knowacouplewhohavea sonwhowascaughtupindrugsandalcohol.Theyknewtheyshoulddosomethingtogethimto change his destructive patterns, but at the same time they had mixedassociationswithinterferinginhislife.Whatfinallypushedthemovertheedgeand gave them enough leverage to get themselves to take action and dosomethingwasaconversationtheyhadwithsomeonewho'doncebeenaddictedhimself. "There are two bullets pointed at your son's head right now," he toldthem."Oneisdrugs,theotherisalcohol,andoneortheotherisgoingtokillhim—it'sonlyamatteroftime—ifyoudon'tstophimnow."By representing things in this way, they were driven to action. Suddenly, nottakingactionwouldmeanallowingtheirsontodie,whereaspreviouslytheyhadrepresented his problem as merely being a challenge. Until they adopted thisnewmetaphor,theyweremissingtheemotionalpotencytodowhateveritwouldtake.Iamhappytotellyouthattheydidsucceedinhelpingthisyoungmanturnthingsaround.Remember,themetaphorsweusewilldetermineouractions.

SELECTYOURGLOBALMETAPHORS

AsIdeveloped"antennae"tosensitizemyselftopeople'sglobalmetaphors,IreadaninterviewwithanthropologistMaryCatherineBatesoninwhichshesaid,"Few things are more debilitating than a toxic metaphor."* That's quite aninsight,andonewithwhichIwassoontogainfirsthandexperience.At one ofmyDateWithDestiny seminars,most everybodywas complainingaboutacertainwomanevenbefore theprogramhadbegun.Shehadcreatedacommotionat theregistrationarea,andwhenshegot intotheroomshestartedcomplainingabouteverything imaginable: first the roomwas toohot, then toocold;shewasupsetwiththepersoninfrontofherbecausehewastootall;andsoon.By the time I got up to speak I couldn't go formore than fiveminuteswithoutherinterruptingandtryingtofindhowwhatIsaidreallydidn'twork,orwasn'treallytrue,orforwhichtherewassomekindofexception.Ikepttryingtobreakherpattern,butIwasfocusingontheeffectratherthanthecause. Suddenly I realized that she must have some global belief or globalmetaphoraboutlifethatmadehersuchafanaticfordetailandalmostspitefulinherapproach. Iaskedher,"Whatareyou trying togainbydoing this? Iknowyoumusthaveapositiveintent.Whatisyourbeliefaboutlife,oraboutdetails,oraboutwhetherthingsarerightorwrong?"Shesaid,"JguessIjustbelievethatsmallleakssinktheship."Ifyouthoughtyouweregoingtodrown,wouldn'tyoube a little fanatical about finding any possibility of a leak? That's how thiswomanviewedlife!Where did this metaphor come from? It turned out that this woman hadexperienced several situations inher lifewhere little thingscosther a lot.Sheattributedherdivorcetosomesmallproblemsthatdidn'tgethandled—problemsshewasn't even aware of. Similarly, she felt that her financialwoeswere theresultofequallysmallcauses.Sheadopted thismetaphor tokeepher fromre-experiencingpainlikethisinthefuture.Obviously, she wasn't very excited about changing metaphors without myprovidingalittleleverage.OnceIgothertofeelthepainthatthismetaphorwasconstantly creating in her life, and the immediate pleasure she could have bychanging it, Iwas able to assist her in breaking her pattern and changing hermetaphorbycreatingaseriesofnewwaysoflookingatherselfandlife.Shecombinedavarietyofglobalmetaphors—lifeasagame,lifeasadance—and you should have seen the transformation, not just in the way she treated

other people, but also in theway she treated herself, because she had alwaysbeenfindingsmallleaksinherselfaswell.Thisonechangeaffectedthewaysheapproached everything and is a great example of how changing one globalmetaphorcan transformeveryareaofyour life, fromyour self-esteem toyourrelationshipstothewayyoudealwiththeworldatlarge.With all the power thatmetaphorswield over our lives, the scary part is thatmost of us have never consciously selected the metaphors with which werepresentthingstoourselves.Wheredidyougetyourmetaphors?Youprobablypicked them up from people around you, from your parents, teachers, co-workers,andfriends.I'llbetyoudidn't thinkabout their impact,ormaybeyoudidn'teventhinkaboutthematall,andthentheyjustbecameahabit."Allperceptionoftruthisthedetectionofananalogy."

HENRYDAVIDTHOREAUForyears,peopleaskedmewhatitwasIdidexactly.AtvarioustimesItried

differentmetaphors—"I'm a teacher," "I'm a student," "I'm a hunter of humanexcellence," "I'm a speaker," "I'm a national bestselling author," "I'm a peakperformanceconsultant,""I'matherapist,""I'macounselor"—butnoneofthemconveyedtherightfeeling.Peoplegavemeplentyofmetaphors.Iwasknownbymanyinthemediaasa"guru."ThisisametaphorIavoidedbecauseIfeltthatthepresuppositionthatwentwithitwasthatpeopleweredependentuponmetocreatetheirchange—whichwouldneverempowerthem.SinceIbelievethatweallmustberesponsibleforourownchange,Iavoidedthismetaphor.Oneday,though,Ifinallygotit."I'macoach,"Ithought.Whatisacoach?Tome,acoachisapersonwhoisyourfriend,someonewhoreallycaresaboutyou.Acoachiscommittedtohelpingyoubethebestthatyoucanbe.Acoachwillchallengeyou,notletyouoffthehook.Coaches have knowledge and experience because they've been there before.Theyaren'tanybetterthanthepeopletheyarecoaching(thistookawaymyneedtohavetobeperfectforthepeopleIwas"teaching").In fact, thepeople theycoachmayhavenaturalabilitiessuperior to theirown.Butbecausecoacheshaveconcentratedtheirpowerinaparticularareaforyears,theycanteachyouoneortwodistinctionsthatcanimmediatelytransformyourperformanceinamatterofmoments.Sometimes coaches can teach you new information, new strategies and skills;theyshowyouhowtogetmeasurableresults.Sometimesacoachdoesn'teventeachyousomethingnew,buttheyremindyouofwhatyouneedtodoatjusttheright moment, and they push you to do it. I thought, "What I truly am is a

successcoach.Ihelptocoachpeopleonhowtoachievewhattheyreallywantmorequicklyandmoreeasily."And everyone needs a coach, whether it's a top-level executive, a graduatestudent,ahomemaker,ahomelessperson,orthepresidentoftheUnitedStates!AssoonasIstartedusingthismetaphor,itimmediatelychangedthewayIfeltaboutmyself. I felt less stressed,more relaxed; I felt closer topeople. Ididn'thave to be "perfect" or "better." I began to havemore fun, andmy impact onpeoplemultipliedmanyfold.AMETAPHORCOULDSAVEYOURLIFETwopeopleBeckyandIhavetheprivilegetocountasfriendsareMartinand

Janet Sheen.They have beenmarried for close to thirty years, and one of thethingsthatIrespectmostaboutthemistheirabsolutesupportforeachother,fortheirfamily,andforanyoneinneed.AsmuchasthepublicknowsMartinisacommitted giver, they have no idea how much he and Janet do together forothers on a daily basis. These two people are the epitome of integrity. Theirmetaphorforhumanityisthatof"onegiantfamily,"andasaresulttheyfeelthedeepestcaringandcompassionevenforcompletestrangers.I remember when Martin shared with me the moving story of how his lifechangedyearsagowhilehewasmakingApocalypseNow.Beforethattime,hehad seen life as something to fear.Now he sees it as an intriguing challenge.Why?Hisnewmetaphoristhatlifeisamystery.Helovesthemysteryofbeingahumanbeing,thewonderandsenseofpossibilitythatunfoldswithhisexperienceofeachnewday.What changed his metaphor? Intense pain. Apocalypse was shot deep in thejunglesofthePhilippines.TheshootingschedulewasnormallyMondaythroughFriday,andusuallyonFridaynight,MartinandJanetwouldmakethetwo-and-a-half-hourdrive for aweekend "retreat" inManila.Ononeweekend, though,MartinhadtostayforanadditionalSaturdaymorningshoot.(Janethadalreadycommittedtogoingintotowntopurchaseaglasseyeforacrewmanwhowassopoorhewasunabletobuyhisown,soshewentahead.)Thatnight,Martinfoundhimself alone, tossing and turning, perspiring profusely, and beginning toexperience intensepain.Bymorninghebegan to have amassiveheart attack.Portions of his body became numb and paralyzed.He fell to the ground, andthroughnothingbutthesheerpowerofhiswill,crawledoutthedoorandyelledforhelp.Lying thereon theground, he saidhe actuallyhad the experienceofdying.Allofasudden,everythingfeltcalmandsmooth.Hecouldseehimselfmovingacrossthelakeandthewaterinthedistance.Hethoughttohimself,"Oh,this iswhatdying is," and itwas then thathe realized thathewasn't afraidof

dying,thathehadreallybeenafraidoflife!Inthatmoment,herealizedthatlifeitselfwastherealchallenge.Instantly,hemadethedecisiontolive.Hemusteredeveryounceofenergyhehadleft,pushinghisarmouttograbsomegrass.Withtotalfocus,heslowlypulledituptohisnose.Hecouldbarelyfeelathing.Themoment he smelled the grass, the pain came back, and he knew he wasalive.Hekeptfighting.Whenthecrewmendiscoveredhim,theyweresurehewoulddie.BoththelooksontheirfacesandtheircommentsmadeMartinquestionhisownabilitytomakeit.Hebegantolosehisstrength.Realizingtherewasnotime,thetoppilotontheApocalypsecrewriskedhisown lifeand flew thehelicopter sideways throughthirty-to forty-knot winds in order to get him to the hospital in town. Uponarriving,hewasputonastretcherandwheeledintotheemergencyroom,wherehecontinuedtoreceivebothsubliminalandovertmessagesthathewasgoingtodie.Hewasbecomingweakerwitheachmoment.ThenJanetcamein.Allshe'dheardwas thathe'dhadaheatstroke,but then thedoctors informedherof thegraveness of his condition. She refused to accept it—she knew that Martinneededstrength;shealsoknewshehadtobreakhispatternoffearaswellasherown. She took immediate action, and accomplished it all with one statement.Whenheopenedhiseyes,shesmiledbrightlyandsaid,"It'sjustamovie,babe!It's only amovie!"Martin said that in thatmoment he knewhewas going tomakeitandbegantoheal.Whatagreatmetaphor!Instantly,theproblemdidn'tseem so grave—it was something he could handle. "A movie certainly isn'tworth having a heart attack over" was the implied message, but also,subliminally, Ibelieve themetaphorcut evendeeper.Afterall, thepainyou'reexperiencingwhenyoumakeamovieneverlasts.It'snotreal,andatsomepointthe director will say "Cut!" Janet's use of this brilliant pattern interrupt, thissingle metaphor, helped Martin to marshal his resources, and to this day hebelievesitsavedhislife.Metaphorsdon'tjustaffectusasindividuals;theyaffectourcommunityandourworldaswell.Themetaphorsweadoptculturallycanshapeourperceptionsandouractions—orlackofaction.Inthelastfewdecades,withtheadventofmoonmissions, we began to adopt the metaphor of "Spaceship Earth." While thismetaphor sounded great, it didn't alwaysworkwell for creating an emotionalresponse to dealing with our ecological challenges. Why? It's hard to getemotional about a spaceship; it's disassociated. Contrast thatwith the feelingscreatedbythemetaphor"MotherEarth,"Howdifferentlywouldyoufeelaboutprotecting your "mother" than you would about keeping a "spaceship" clean?Pilotsandsailorsoftendescribetheirplanesorshipsasbeautifulwomen.Theysay, "She's a beauty." Why don't they say, "He's a beauty?" Because they'd

probablybealotrougherwiththatplaneorshipiftheythoughtitwassomebig,fatguynamedJoeratherthansomeshapelyandsleekprincessglidingthroughtheshimmeringairorsea.Weusemetaphorsconstantlyduringwar.Whatwasthenameforthefirstpanoftheoperation in thePersianGulfWar?Beforewarwasdeclared, itwascalled"OperationDesertShield."Butassoonasthecommand to fightwasgiven.OperationDesertShieldbecame"DesertStorm."Thinkhow that one changeofmetaphor instantly changed themeaningof theexperienceforeveryone.InsteadofshieldingtherestoftheArabsfromSaddamHussein,inGeneralNormanSchwarzkopfswords,thetroopsbecame"thestormoffreedom,"sweepingtheoccupyingIraqiforcesoutofKuwait."AnironcurtainhasdescendedacrosstheContinent."

WINSTONCHURCHILLThink how radically the face of easternEurope has changed just in the last

coupleofyears.The"IronCurtain"wasametaphorthatshapedthepost-WorldWarIIexperiencefordecades,andtheBerlinWallservedasaphysicalsymbolfortheimposingbarrierthatdividedallofEurope.WhentheBerlinWallcamedown in November 1989, more than just a stone wall was demolished. Thedestructionofthatonesymbolinstantlyprovidedanewmetaphorthatchangedthe beliefs ofmultitudes of people aboutwhatwas possible in their lifetimes.Whydidpeoplehavesomuchfundiggingawayatanold,crumblingwallwhentherewereplentyofgatestheycouldgothrough?Itwasbecauseknockingdownthewallwasauniversalmetaphorforpossibility,freedom,andbreakingthroughbarriers.FITTHEWORDTOTHEDEEDBeingawareofthevastpowercontainedinmetaphorsincludesknowinghow

tousetheminanappropriatecontext.Thechallengeisthatalotofpeoplehavemetaphors thathelp themin theirprofessions,butcreatechallengesathome. Iknowanattorneywhofoundherselftryingtoapplythe same adversarialmetaphors at home that served her sowell atwork.Herhusband would start a perfectly innocent conversation with her, and the nextthingheknew,hefeltlikehewasuponthewitnessstandbeingcross-examined!That doesn't work too well in a personal relationship, does it? Or supposesomeone is a totallydedicatedpoliceofficer. If they can't let goof theirworkwhentheygethome,doyouthinktheymightalwaysbeonthelookoutforotherpeopleviolatingtheirstandards?One of the best examples of an inappropriatemetaphor is amanwhowas so

dissociatedthathiswifeandchildrendidn'tfeelanyconnectionwithhimatall.Theyresentedthewayheneverexpressedhistruefeelingsandthefactthathealwaysseemedtobedirectingthem.Doyouknowwhathisprofessionwas?Hewasanairtrafficcontroller!Onthejobhehadtoremaindetached.Eveniftherewasanemergency,hehadtokeephisvoiceabsolutelycalmsoasnottoalarmthepilotshewasdirecting.Thatdisassociatedattitudeworkedwellinthecontroltower,butitdidn'tworkathome.Becarefulnottocarrythemetaphorsthatareappropriate in one context, like the environment in which you work, into anincompatiblecontext,likehowyourelatetoyourfamilyorfriends.What are some of themetaphors people have for their personal relationships?Somepeoplecallthepersonthey'reinarelationshipwith"theoldman"or"theoldhag."Somecallthem"thedictator,""theballandchain,""thewarden."Onewoman actually called her husband "the Prince ofDarkness"!What are somemoreempoweringalternatives?Many people call theirmate their "lover," their "better half," their "partner inlife,"their"teammate,"their"soulmate."Bytheway,evenchangingoneslightnuance of ametaphorwill change theway you perceive the relationship.Youmaynotfeelpassionatefora"partner,"butyoucertainlywouldforyour"lover."Do you think that themetaphors you use in representing your relationship toyourselfaswellastootherswouldaffectthewayyoufeelaboutitandhowyourelate to one another? You bet! One lady who came to a DateWith Destinyseminarkeptreferringtoherhusbandas"thisjerkI'mwith,"andIhadnoticedthatwheneverhetalkedabouther,hecalledher"thelove"ofhislifeorhis"betterhalt"orhis"giftfromGod."WhenIpointedthisout to her, she was shocked, because she's a very loving woman who hadn'trealized how toxic one casually adopted metaphor could be. Together weselectedmoreappropriatemetaphorsforherrelationshipwithherhusband.ALLIWANTFORCHRISTMAS...One of my friends who obviously doesn't have kids used to call them

"barters." As long as he held that metaphor, can you imagine how kidsrespondedtohim?Recently,though,hefilledinforSantaClausatadepartmentstore—severalofussethimupsohehadtodoit—andhegottohavehundredsof"barters"comeandsitonhislap.Well,thatoneexperiencegavehimatotallynewviewofchildrenandchangedhismetaphorforever.Nowhecallsthem"cuddles"!Doyouthinkthatchangedthe way he feels? You'd better believe it. Calling your kids "brats" doesn'tusuallymakeyouwant to takegoodcareof themornurture them.Make surethatyouhave theappropriatemetaphor that supportsyou indealingwithyour

children—remember,theylistenandlearnfromyou.One of themost empowering globalmetaphors that has helpedme through

toughtimesisastorysharedbymanyspeakersinpersonaldevelopment.It'sthesimplestoryofastonecutter.Howdoesastonecutterbreakopenagiantboulder?Hestartsoutwithabighammerandwhackstheboulderashardashecan.Thefirsttimehehitsit,there'snotascratch,notachip—nothing.Hepullsbackthehammerandhitsitagainandagain—100,200,300timeswithoutevenascratch.Afterall thiseffort, thebouldermaynot showeven theslightestcrack,buthekeeps on hitting it. People sometimes pass by and laugh at him for persistingwhen obviously his actions are having no effect. But a stonecutter is veryintelligent. He knows that just because you don't see immediate results fromyour current actions, it doesn't mean you're not making progress. He keepshittingatdifferentpointsinthestone,overandoveragain,andatsomepoint—maybeonthe500thor700thhit,maybeonthe1,0004thhit—thestonedoesn'tjustchip,butliterallysplitsinhalf.Wasifthisonesinglehitthatbrokethestoneopen?Ofcoursenot.Itwastheconstantandcontinualpressurebeingappliedtosomething else. And pretty soon, what does it become?" And he said, "Abutterfly."I asked, "Can theother little caterpillarson theground see that this caterpillarbecameabutterfly?"Hesaid,"No."Isaid,"Andwhenacaterpillarbreaksoutofthecocoon,whatdoeshedo?"Joshuasaid,"Heflies."Isaid,"Yeah,hegetsoutandthesunlightdriesoffhiswingsandheflies.He'sevenmorebeautifulthanwhenhewasacaterpillar.Ishemorefreeor lessfree?"Joshsaid,"He'smuchmorefree."AndIsaid,"Doyouthinkhe'llhavemorefun?"Andhesaid,"Yeah—he'sgot less legs toget tired!"AndIsaid,"That's right,hedoes.Hedoesn'tneedlegsanymore;he'sgotwings.Ithinkyourfriendhaswingsnow."Yousee,it'snotforustodecidewhensomebodybecomesabutterfly.Wethinkit'swrong,butIthinkGodhasabetterideawhentherighttimeis.Rightnowit'swinterandyouwantit tobesummer,butGodhasadifferentplan.SometimeswejusthavetotrustthatGodknowshowtomakebutterfliesbetterthanwedo.And when we're caterpillars, sometimes we don't even realize that butterfliesexist, because they're up above us—butmaybewe should just remember thatthey're there." And Joshua smiled, gaveme a big hug and said, "I bet he's abeautifulbutterfly."Metaphorscanchangethemeaningyouassociatetoanything,changewhatyoulinkpainandpleasureto,andtransformyourlifeaseffectivelyastheytransformyour language. Select them carefully, select them intelligently, select them sotheywilldeepenandenrichyourexperienceof lifeand thatof thepeopleyou

careabout.Becomea"metaphordetective."Wheneveryouhearsomeoneusingametaphor thatplaces limits, just step in,break theirpattern, andoffer anewone.Dothiswithothers,anddoitforyourself.Sotrythefollowingexercise:1.Whatislife?Writedownthemetaphorsyou'vealreadychosen:"Lifeislike..." what? Brainstorm everything you can think of, because you probably havemore than one metaphor for life.When you're in an unresourceful state, youprobablycall it abattleorawar,andwhenyou're inagoodstate,maybeyouthinkofitasagift.Writethemalldown.Thenreviewyourlistandaskyourself,"Iflifeissuchandsuch,whatdoesitmeantome?"Iflifeissacred,whatdoesthatmean?If life isadream,whatdoes thatmean?Ifall theworld isastage,what does that mean? Each of your metaphors empower and limit. "All theworld'sastage"maybegreatbecauseitmeansyoucangooutthereandmakeadifference and be heard. But it alsomaymean you're someone who's alwaysperforming, instead of sharing your true feelings. So take a good look at themetaphorsthatyou'vemadeavailabletoyourself.Whataretheiradvantagesanddisadvantages?Whatnewmetaphorsmightyouliketoapplytoyourlifeinordertofeelmorehappy,free,andempowered?2.Makealistofallthemetaphorsthatyoulinktorelationshipsormarriage.Aretheyempoweringordisempowering?Remember,consciousawarenessalonecantransformyourmetaphors,becauseyourbrainstartstosay,"Thatdoesn'twork—that'sridiculous.'"Andyoucanadoptanewmetaphoreasily.Thebeautyofthistechnologyisthatit'ssosimple.3. Pick another area of your life that impacts you most—whether it's yourbusiness, yourparents, your children,your ability to learn—anddiscoveryourmetaphors for this area.Write these metaphors down and study their impact.Writedown,"Learning is likeplaying." If studying is like"pulling teeth,"youcanimaginethepainyou'regivingyourself!Thismightbeagoodmetaphortochange, and change now/ Once again, notice the positive and negativeconsequencesofeachofyourmetaphors.Exploringthemcancreatenewchoicesforyourlife.4.Createnew,moreempoweringmetaphorsforeachoftheseareas.Decidethatfromnowonyou'regoingtothinkoflifeasfourorfivenewthingstostartwith,atleast.Lifeisnotawar.Lifeisnotatest.Lifeisagame,lifeisadance,lifeissacred, life is a gift, life is a picnic— whatever creates the most positiveemotionalintensityforyou.5. Finally, decide that you are going to live with these new, empoweringmetaphorsforthenextthirtydays.

Iinviteyoutoallowtheradianceofyournewmetaphorsto"sweepyouoffyourfeet"andmakeyoufeel likeyou're"floatingonair"untilyouarriveat"CloudNine."Whileyou're"ontopoftheworld,"youcanlookdownon"EasyStreet"and be "tickled pink," knowing that the amount of joy you're feeling in thismomentisonlythe"tipoftheiceberg."Takecontrolofyourmetaphorsnowandcreateanewworldforyourself:aworldofpossibility,of richness,ofwonder,and of joy. Once you've mastered the creative art of Grafting metaphors,transforming vocabulary, and asking empowering questions, you are ready toharness...

THETENEMOTIONSOFPOWER

"There can be no transforming of darkness into light and of apathy intomovementwithoutemotion."CARLJUNGI'dliketointroduceyoutoafellownamedWalt.Waltisagood,decenthuman

beingwhoalwaystriestodotherightthing.Hehashislifedowntoascience:everything in its proper place and in the correct order.Weekdays he arises atexactly6:30,showersandshaves,gulpsdownsomecoffee,grabshislunchpailfilledwiththerequisitebolognasandwichandTwinkles,andrunsout thedoorby 7:10 to spend forty-fiveminutes in traffic.He arrives at his desk by 8:00,wherehesitsdowntodothesamejobhe'sbeendoingforthepasttwentyyears.At5:00hegoeshome,popsthetopona"coldone,"andgrabstheTVremote-control. An hour later his wife comes home and they decide whether to eatleftoversor throwapizzain themicrowave.Afterdinnerhewatches thenewswhilehiswifebathestheirkidandputshimtobed.Bynolaterthan9:30he'sinthesack.Hedevoteshisweekendstoyardwork,carmaintenance,andsleepingin. Walt and his new wife have been married for three years, and while hewouldn't exactly describe their relationship as "inflamed with passion," it'scomfortable—even though lately it seems to be repeating a lot of the samepatternsofhisfirstmarriage.DoyouknowsomeonejustlikeWalt?Maybehe'ssomeoneyouknowintimately—someonewho never suffers the depths of utter devastation or despondency,butalsosomeonewhoneverrevelsintheheightsofpassionandjoy.I'vehearditsaidthattheonlydifferencebetweenarutandagraveisafewfeet,andoveracentury ago, Thoreau observed that "the mass of men lead lives of quietdesperation." As we move into the next century, this phrase is unfortunatelymoreapplicablethanever.Ifthere'sonethingI'venoticedinthecountlesslettersI'vereceivedsinceIwroteUnlimitedPower,it'stheoverwhelmingprevalenceofthiskindofdisassociationinpeople'slives—somethingthatjust"happened"outof their desire to avoid pain—and the hunger with which they seize upon anopportunity to feel more alive, more passionate, more electric. From myperspective,asItravelaroundtheworld,meetingpeoplefromallwalksoflifeand"feelingthepulse"ofliterallyhundredsofthousandsofindividuals,weallseemtoinstinctivelyrealizetheriskofemotional"flatline,"anddesperatelyseekwaystogetourheartspumpingagain.Somanysufferfromthedelusionthatemotionsareentirelyoutoftheircontrol,

thatthey'rejustsomethingthatspontaneouslyoccursinreactiontotheeventsofourlives.Oftenwedreademotionsasiftheywerevirusesthatzeroinonusandattack when we're most vulnerable. Sometimes we think of them as "inferiorcousins"toourintellectanddiscounttheirvalidity.Orweassumethatemotionsariseinresponsetowhatothersdoorsaytous.What'sthecommonelementinalltheseglobalbeliefs?It'sthemisconceptionthatwehavenocontroloverthesemysteriousthingscalledemotions.Outoftheirneedtoavoidfeelingcertainemotions,peoplewilloftengotogreat,even ridiculous, lengths. They'll turn to drugs, alcohol, overeating, gambling;they'lllapseintodebilitatingdepression.Inordertoavoid"hurting"alovedone(or being hurt by one), they'll suppress all emotions, end up as emotionalandroids, and ultimately destroy all the feelings of connection that got themtogetherinthefirstplace,thusdevastatingtheonestheylovemost.Ibelievetherearefourbasicwaysinwhichpeopledealwithemotion.Whichofthesehaveyouusedtoday?1.Avoidance.Weallwanttoavoidpainfulemotions.Asaresult,mostpeopletrytoavoidanysituationthatcouldleadtotheemotionsthattheyfear—orworse,some people try not to feel any emotions at all! If, for example, they fearrejection, they try toavoidanysituation thatcould lead to rejection.Theyshyaway from relationships. They don't apply for challenging jobs. Dealing withemotions in this way is the ultimate trap, because while avoiding negativesituationsmayprotectyouintheshortterm,itkeepsyoufromfeelingtheverylove, intimacy, and connection that youdesiremost.Andultimately, you can'tavoid feeling.Amuchmore powerful approach is to learn to find the hidden,positivemeaninginthosethingsyouoncethoughtwerenegativeemotions.2. Denial. A second approach to dealing with emotion is the denial strategy.Peopleoftentrytodisassociatefromtheirfeelingsbysaying,"Itdoesn'tfeelthatbad."Meanwhile,theykeepstokingthefirewithinthemselvesbythinkingabouthowhorriblethingsare,orhowsomeonehastakenadvantageofthem,orhowthey do everything right but things still turn out wrong, and why does thisalways happen to them? In other words, they never change their focus orphysiology, and they keep asking the same disempowering questions.Experiencinganemotionand trying topretend it'snot thereonlycreatesmorepain.Once again, ignoring themessages that your emotions are trying to giveyou will not make things better. If the message your emotions are trying todeliver is ignored, theemotions simply increase their amperage; they intensifyuntilyoufinallypayattention.Tryingtodenyyouremotionsisnotthesolution.Understandingthemandusingthemisthestrategyyou'lllearninthischapter.

3.Competition.Manypeoplestopfightingtheirpainfulemotionsanddecidetofully indulge in them.Rather than learn the positivemessage their emotion istrying to give them, they intensify it and make it even worse than it is. Itbecomesa"badgeofcourage,"and theybegin tocompetewithothers,saying,"You thinkyou'vegot itbad?Letme tellyouhowbad I'vegot it!" It literallybecomes part of their identity, a way of being unique; they begin to pridethemselvesonbeingworseoffthananyoneelse.Asyoucanimagine,thisisoneofthedeadliesttrapsofall.Thisapproachmustbeavoidedatallcosts,becauseit becomes a self fulfilling prophecy where the person ends up having aninvestmentinfeelingbadonaregularbasis—andthentheyaretrulytrapped.Amuchmorepowerfulandhealthyapproachtodealingwiththeemotionsthatwethinkarepainfulistorealizethattheyserveapositivepurpose,andthatis...4. Learning and Using. If you want tomake your life really work, youmustmakeyouremotionsworkforyou.Youcan'trunfromthem;youcan'ttunethemout;youcan'ttrivializethemordeludeyourselfaboutwhattheymean.Norcanyoujustallowthemtorunyourlife.Emotions,eventhosethatseempainfulinthe short term, are truly like an internal compass that points you toward theactionsyoumusttaketoarriveatyourgoals.Withoutknowinghowtousethiscompass,you'llbeforeveratthemercyofanypsychictempestthatblowsyourway.Many therapeutic disciplines begin with the mistaken presupposition that

emotionsareourenemiesorthatouremotionalwell-beingisrootedinourpast.ThetruthisthatyouandIcangofromcryingtolaughinginaheartbeatif thepattern of our mental focus and physiology is merely interrupted stronglyenough. Freudian psychoanalysis, for example, searches for those "deep, darksecrets" in our past to explain our present difficulties. Yet we all know thatwhatever you continually look for, you will surely find. If you're constantlylookingforthereasonswhyyourpasthashamstrungyourpresent,orwhyyou'reso"screwedup,"thenyourbrainwillcomplybyprovidingreferencestobackupyourrequestandgeneratetheappropriatenegativeemotions.Howmuchbetteritwouldbetoadopttheglobalbeliefthat"yourpastdoesnotequalyourfuture"!The only way to effectively use your emotions is to understand that they allserveyou.Youmustlearnfromyouremotionsandusethemtocreatetheresultsyou want for a greater quality of life. The emotions you once thought of asnegative aremerely a call to action. In fact, instead of calling them negativeemotions, from now on in this chapter, let's call them Action Signals. Onceyou'refamiliarwitheachsignalanditsmessage,youremotionsbecomenotyour

enemybutyourally.Theybecomeyour friend,yourmentor,yourcoach; theyguide you through life's most soaring highs and its most demoralizing lows.Learning to use these signals frees you from your fears and allows you toexperiencealltherichnessofwhichwehumansarecapable.Togettothispoint,then,youmustchangeyourglobalbeliefsaboutwhatemotionsare.Theyarenotpredators, substitutes for logic, or products of other people'swhims. They areActionSignalstryingtoguideyoutothepromiseofagreaterqualityoflife.Ifyoumerely react toyouremotions throughanavoidancepattern, thenyou'llmissouton the invaluablemessage theyhave toofferyou. Ifyoucontinue tomissthemessageandfailtohandletheemotionswhentheyfirstturnup,they'llgrowintofull-blowncrises.Allouremotionsareimportantandvaluableintheproperamounts,timing,andcontext.Realize that the emotions you are feeling at this very moment are a gift, aguideline,asupportsystem,acalltoaction.Ifyousuppressyouremotionsandtrytodrivethemoutofyourlife,orifyoumagnifythemandallowthemtotakeovereverything,thenyou'resquanderingoneoflife'smostpreciousresources.Sowhatisthesourceofemotions?Youarethesourceofallyouremotions;youare the onewho creates them.Somanypeople feel that theyhave towait forcertainexperiencesinordertofeeltheemotionstheydesire.Forinstance,theydon't give themselves permission to feel loved or happy or confident unless aparticular setofexpectations ismet. I'mhere to tellyou thatyoucan feelanywayyouchooseatanymomentintime.AttheseminarsIconductnearmyhomeinDelMar,California,we'vecreatedafun anchor to remind us who is really responsible for our emotions. Theseseminarsareheldinanexquisite,four-starresort,theInnL'Auberge,whichsitsrightontheocean,andisalsonearthetrainstation.Aboutfourtimesaday,youcanhearthetrainwhistleloudlyasitpassesthrough.Someseminarparticipantswould become irritated at the interruption (remember, they didn't know aboutTransformational Vocabulary yet!), so I decided that this was the perfectopportunity to turn frustration into fun. "Fromnowon," I said, "wheneverwehear that train howl, we'll celebrate. I want to see how good you can makeyourselvesfeelwheneveryouhearthattrain.We'realwayswaitingfortherightpersonorrightsituationtocomealongbeforewefeelgood.Butwhodetermineswhether this is the right person or situation?When you do feel good, who'smakingyoufeelgood?Youare!Butyousimplyhavearulethatsaysyouhavetowait untilA,B, andC occur before you allow yourself to feel good.Whywait?Whynot set up a rule that says thatwhenever you hear a trainwhistle,you'll automatically feel great? The good news is that the train whistle isprobably more consistent and predictable than the people you're hoping will

showuptomakeyoufeelgood!"Now,whenever we hear the train pass, jubilation ensues. People immediatelyjumpoutoftheirchairs,cheerandholler,andactlikesillymaniacs—includingdoctors, lawyers, CEOs—people who were supposedly intelligent before theyarrived! As everyone sits back down, uproarious laughter ensues. What's thelesson? You don't have to wait for anything or anyone! You don't need anyspecialreasontofeelgood—youcanjustdecidetofeelgoodrightnow,simplybecauseyou'realive,simplybecauseyouwantto.So if you're the source of all your emotions, why don't you feel good all thetime? Again, it's because your so-called negative emotions are giving you amessage.WhatisthemessageoftheseActionSignals?They're telling you that what you're currently doing is not working, that thereasonyouhavepainiseitherthewayyou'reperceivingthingsortheproceduresyou'reusing:specifically,thewayyou'recommunicatingyourneedsanddesirestopeople,ortheactionsyou'retaking.Whatyou'redoingisnotproducingtheresultyouwant,andyouhavetochangeyour approach. Remember that your perceptions are controlled by what youfocusonandthemeaningsyouinterpretfromthings.Andyoucanchangeyourperceptioninamoment,justbychangingthewayyou'reusingyourphysiologyorbyaskingyourselfabetterquestion.Yourprocedures includeyourstyleofcommunication.Maybeyou'rebeing tooharsh in the way you communicate, or maybe your procedure is not evencommunicatingyourneeds,andyou'reexpectingotherpeopletoknowwhatyouneed.Thiscouldcreatealotoffrustration,anger,andhurt inyourlife.MaybethisActionSignalof feelinghurt is trying to tellyou thatyouneed tochangeyourwayofcommunicatingsoyoudon't feelhurtagain in the future.Feelingdepressed is another call to action, telling you that you need to change yourperceptionthattheproblemsyou'redealingwitharepermanentoroutofcontrol.Or,youneedtotakesomekindofphysicalactiontohandleoneareaofyourlifesothatonceagainyourememberthatyouareincontrol.This is the truemessage of all your Action Signals. They'remerely trying tosupportyouintakingactiontochangethewayyouthink,changethewayyou'reperceiving things, or change your procedures for communicating or behaving.Thesecallstoactionaretheretoremindyouthatyoudon'twanttobeliketheflywhokeepsbanginghimselfagainstthewindow,tryingtogetthroughtheglass—ifyoudon'tchangeyourapproach,allthepersistenceintheworldwillneverpayoff.YourAction Signals arewhispering to you (perhaps screaming!), throughtheexperienceofpain,thatyouneedtochangewhatyou'redoing.

SIXSTEPSTOEMOTIONALMASTERY

I'vefoundthatwheneverIfeelapainfulemotion,therearesixstepsIcantakeveryquicklytobreakmylimitingpatterns,findthebenefitofthatemotion,andsetmyself up so that in the future I can get the lesson from the emotion andeliminatethepainmorequickly.Let'sexaminethembriefly.STEPONE

IdentifyWhatYou'reReallyFeelingSooftenpeople feel sooverloaded theydon't evenknowwhat they're feeling.Alltheyknowisthatthey'rebeing"attacked"byallthesenegativeemotionsandfeelings.Insteadoffeelingoverloaded,stepbackforamomentandaskyourself,"WhatamIreallyfeelingrightnow?"Ifyouthinkatfirst,"I'mfeelingangry,"begin to ask yourself, "Am I really feeling angry? Or is it something else?MaybewhatI'mreallyfeelingishurt.OrIfeellikeI'velostoutonsomething."Realizethatafeelingofhurtorafeelingoflossisnotasintenseasthefeelingofanger. Just in taking a moment to identify what you're really feeling, andbeginning toquestionyour emotions, youmaybe able to lower the emotionalintensity you're experiencing, and therefore dealwith the situationmuchmorequicklyandeasily.If, for example, you say, "Right now I feel rejected," youmight ask yourself,"Am I feeling rejected, or am I feeling a sense of separation from a person Ilove?AmIfeelingrejected,oramIfeelingdisappointed!AmIfeelingrejected,or am I feeling a little uncomfortable?" Remember the power ofTransformationalVocabularytoimmediatelyloweryourintensity.Again,asyouidentifywhatyou'rereallyfeeling,youcanlowertheintensityevenmore,whichmakesitmucheasiertolearnfromtheemotion.STEPTWO

AcknowledgeandAppreciateYourEmotions,KnowingTheySupportYouYouneverwanttomakeyouremotionswrong.Theideathatanythingyoufeelis"wrong"isagreatwaytodestroyhonestcommunicationwithyourselfaswellaswithothers.Be thankful that there's apart ofyourbrain that is sendingyouasignalofsupport,acalltoactiontomakeachangeineitheryourperceptionofsome aspect of your life or in your actions. If you're willing to trust youremotions,knowingthateventhoughyoudon'tunderstandthematthemoment,eachandeveryoneyouexperienceistheretosupportyouinmakingapositive

change,youwillimmediatelystopthewaryouoncehadwithyourself.Instead,you'll feel yourself moving toward simple solutions. Making an emotion"wrong"willrarelycauseittobecomelessintense.Whateveryouresisttendstopersist. Cultivate the feeling of appreciation for all emotions, and like a childthat needs attention, you'll find your emotions "calming down" almostimmediately.STEPTHREE

GetCuriousabouttheMessageThisEmotionIsOfferingYouRememberthepowerofchangingemotionalstates?Ifyouputyourselfinastateofmindwhereyoutrulyarefeelingcuriousaboutlearningsomething,thisisanimmediatepatterninterrupttoanyemotionandenablesyoutolearnagreatdealabout yourself. Getting curious helps you master your emotion, solve thechallenge, andprevent the sameproblemfromoccurring in the future.Asyoubegintofeeltheemotion,getcuriousaboutwhatitreallyhastoofferyou.Whatdoyouneedtodorightnowtomakethingsbetter?Ifyou'refeelinglonely,forexample, get curious and ask, "Is it possible that I'm just misinterpreting thesituationtomeanthatI'malone,wheninrealityIhaveallkindsoffriends?IfIjustletthemknowIwanttovisitwiththem,wouldn'ttheylovetovisitwithmeaswell?IsmylonelinessgivingmeamessagethatIneedtotakeaction,reachoutmoreandconnectwithpeople?"Herearefourquestionstoaskyourselftobecomecuriousaboutyouremotions:WhatdoIreallywanttofeel?WhatwouldIhavetobelieveinordertofeelthewayI'vebeenfeeling?WhatamIwillingtodotocreateasolutionandhandlethisrightnow?WhatcanIlearnfromthis?Asyougetcuriousaboutyouremotions,you'lllearnimportantdistinctionsaboutthem,notonlytoday,butinthefutureaswell.STEPFOUR

GetConfidentGet confident that you can handle this emotion immediately. The quickest,simplest,andmostpowerfulwayIknowtohandleanyemotionistorememberatime when you felt a similar emotion and realize that you've successfullyhandled this emotion before. Since you handled it in the past, surely you canhandleitagaintoday.Thetruthis,ifyou'veeverhadthisActionSignalbeforeand gotten through it, you already have a strategy of how to change youremotionalstates.

Sostoprightnowandthinkaboutthattimewhenyoufeltthesameemotionsandhow you dealt with them in a positive way. Use this as the role model orchecklistforwhatyoucandorightnowtochangehowyoufeel.Whatdidyoudo back then?Did you changewhat youwere focusing on, the questions youasked yourself, your perceptions? Or did you take some kind of new action?Decidetodothesamerightnow,withtheconfidencethatitwillworkjustasitdidbefore.Ifyou'refeelingdepressed,forexample,andyou'vebeenabletoturnit aroundbefore, ask yourself, "What did I do then?"Did you take somenewactionlikegoingforarunormakingsomephonecalls?Onceyou'vemadesomedistinctions aboutwhat you've done in the past, do the same things now, andyou'llfindthatyou’llgetsimilarresults.STEPFIVE

GetCertainYouCanHandleThisNotOnlyToday,ButintheFutureasWellYouwanttofeelcertainthatyoucanhandlethisemotioneasilyinthefuturebyhavingagreatplantodoso.Onewaytodothisistosimplyrememberthewaysyou'vehandleditinthepast,andrehearsehandlingsituationswherethisActionSignalwould come up in the future. See, hear, and feel yourself handling thesituation easily. Repetitions of thiswith emotional intensitywill createwithinyouaneuralpathwayofcertaintythatyoucaneasilydealwithsuchchallenges.Inaddition,jotdownonapieceofpaperthreeorfourotherwaysthatyoucouldchangeyourperceptionwhenanActionSignalcomesup,orways thatyoucouldchangehowyouwerecommunicatingyour feelingsorneeds, or ways that you could change the actions you were taking in thisparticularsituation.STEPSIX

GetExcited,andTakeActionNow that you've finished the first five steps—identifiedwhat youwere reallyfeeling,appreciatedtheemotioninsteadoffightingit,gottencuriousaboutwhatit reallymeant and the lesson itwasofferingyou, learned from it, figuredouthow to turn things around by modeling your successful past strategies forhandling the emotion, and rehearsed dealing with it in future situations andinstalled a sense of certainty—the final step is obvious:Get excited, and takeaction!Getexcitedabout the fact thatyoucaneasilyhandle thisemotion,andtakesomeactionrightawaytoprovethatyou'vehandledit.Don'tstaystuckinthe limiting emotions you're having. Express yourself by using what yourehearsed internally to create a change in your perceptions or your actions.Rememberthat thenewdistinctionsyou'vejustmadewillchangethewayyou

feelnotonlytoday,buthowyoudealwiththisemotioninthefuture.Withthesesixsimplesteps,youcanmastervirtuallyanyemotionthatcomes

up in your life. If you find yourself dealingwith the same emotion again andagain,thissix-stepmethodwillhelpyouidentifythepatternandchangeitinaveryshortperiodoftime.Sopracticeusingthissystem.Likeanythingelsethat'sbrand-new, at first this may seem cumbersome . But the more you do it, theeasier itwillbecome touse, andpretty soonyou'll findyourselfbeingable tonavigateyourwaythroughwhatyouusedtothinkwereemotionalminefields.Whatyou’llseeinsteadwillbeafieldofpersonalcoachesguidingyoueachstepoftheway,showingyouwhereyouneedtogotoachieveyourgoals.Remember,thebesttimetohandleanemotioniswhenyoufirstbegintofeelit.It'smuchmoredifficulttointerruptanemotionalpatternonceit'sfull-blown.Myphilosophy is, "Kill the monster while it's little." Use this system quickly, assoon as theAction Signalmakes itself known, and you’ll find yourself beingabletoquicklyhandlevirtuallyanyemotion.

THETENACTIONSIGNALS

Withthesixstepsalone,youcanchangemostemotions.Butinordertokeepyourselffromevenhavingtousethesixsteps,youmayfinditusefultohaveaconsciousunderstandingofwhatpositivemessageeachofyourmajoremotionsorActionSignals is trying to give you. In the next couple of pages, I'll sharewithyouthetenprimaryemotionsmostpeopletrytoavoidbutwhichyouwillinsteadusetodriveyourselftoaction.ReadingthislistofActionSignalswon'tgiveyouinstantmasteryofyouremotions.You'vegottousethesedistinctionsconsistentlyinordertoreaptheirbenefits.Isuggestthatyourereadthissectionseveral times,underlining the areas that are especially significant foryou, andthen write down the Action Signals on a 3 x 5 card you can carry with youeverywhere, remindingyourselfof themeaning theemotion reallyhas foryouandwhatactionyoucantaketoutilizeit.Attachoneoftheselittlecardstothesunvisorinyourcar,notonlysoyoucanreviewitthroughouttheday,butsoifyougetstuckintrafficandbeginto"boiloverinrage,"you'llbeabletopulloutthe card and remind yourself of the positive nature of the messages you'rereceiving.Let'sbeginwiththemostbasiccalltoaction,theemotionof...1.DISCOMFORT.Uncomfortableemotionsdon'thaveatremendousamount

of intensity,but theydobotherusandcreate thenaggingsensation that thingsarenotquiteright.TheMessage:Boredom, impatience, unease, distress, ormild embarrassment are all sendingyou a message that something is not quite right. Maybe the way you'reperceivingthingsisoff,ortheactionsyou'retakingarenotproducingtheresultsyouwant.TheSolution:Dealingwithemotionsofdiscomfortissimple:1)Usetheskillsyou'vealreadylearnedinthisbooktochangeyourstate;2)Clarifywhatyoudowant;and3) Refine your actions. Try a slightly different approach and see if you can'timmediatelychangethewayyou'refeelingaboutthesituationand/orchangethequalityofresultsyou'reproducing.Like all emotions, if not dealt with, uncomfortable feelings will intensify.Discomfortissomewhatpainful,buttheanticipationofpossibleemotionalpainismuchmoreintensethanthediscomfortyoumightbefeelinginthemoment.

You and I need to remember that our imagination canmake things ten timesmoreintensethananythingwecouldeverexperienceinreallife.Infact,there'sasayinginchessandinmartialarts:"Thethreatofattackisgreaterthantheattackitself."Whenwebegintoanticipate pain, especially intense levels of it, often we begin to develop theActionSignalof...2.FEAR.Fearfulemotionsincludeeverythingfromlowlevelsofconcernand

apprehension to intense worry, anxiety, fright, and even terror. Fear serves apurpose,anditsmessageissimple.TheMessage:Fearissimplytheanticipationthatsomethingthat'sgoingtohappensoonneedstobepreparedfor.InthewordsoftheBoyScoutmotto,"Beprepared."Weneedeithertopreparetocopewiththesituation,ortodosomethingtochangeit.Thetragedy is thatmost people either try to deny their fear, or theywallow in it.Neither of these approaches is respecting the message that fear is trying todeliver,soitwillcontinuetopursueyouasittriestogetitsmessageacross.Youdon'twanttosurrendertofearandamplifyitbystartingtothinkoftheworstthatcouldhappen,nordoyouwanttopretendit'snotthere.TheSolution:Reviewwhatyouwerefeelingfearfulaboutandevaluatewhatyoumustdotoprepareyourselfmentally.Figureoutwhatactionsyouneedtotaketodealwiththesituationinthebestpossibleway.Sometimeswe'vedoneallthepreparationwecouldforsomething;there'snothingelsewecando—butwestillsitaroundinfear.Thisisthepointwhenyoumustusetheantidotetofear:youmustmakea decision to have faith, knowing you've done all you can to prepare forwhatever you're fearing, and thatmost fears in life rarely come to fruition. Iftheydo,youmayexperience...3. HURT. If there's any one emotion that seems to dominate human

relationships,bothpersonalandprofessional,it'stheemotionofhurt.Feelingsofhurtareusuallygeneratedbyasenseofloss.Whenpeoplearehurt, theyoftenlashoutatothers.Weneedtoheartherealmessagehurtgivesus.TheMessage:Themessagethehurtsignalgivesusisthatwehaveanexpectationthathasnotbeenmet.Manytimesthisfeelingariseswhenwe'veexpectedsomebodytokeeptheirwordandtheydidn't(evenifyoudidn'ttellthemyourexpectationthat,forexample,theynotsharewithsomeoneelsewhatyoutalkedwiththemabout).Inthiscase,youfeelalossofintimacywiththisperson,maybealossoftrust.Thatsenseoflossiswhatcreatesthefeelingofhurt.

TheSolution:1)Realizethatinrealityyoumaynothavelostanything.Maybewhatyouneedto lose is the false perception that this person is trying towound or hurt you.Maybetheyreallydon'trealizetheimpactoftheiractionsonyourlife.2)Secondly,takeamomentandreevaluatethesituation.Askyourself,"Istherereallylosshere?OramIjudgingthissituationtoosoon,ortooharshly?"3)Athirdsolutionthatcanhelpyougetoutofasenseofhurtistoelegantlyandappropriately communicate your feeling of loss to the person involved. Tellthem,"TheotherdaywhenX-Y-Zhappened,Imisinterpretedthattomeanthatyoudidn'tcare,andIhaveasenseof loss.Canyouclarify formewhat reallyhappened?"Simplybychangingyourcommunicationstyleandclarifyingwhat'sreallygoingon,youwilloftenfindthathurtdisappearsinamatterofmoments.However,ifhurtisnotdealtwith,itoftenbecomesamplifiedandturnsinto...4.ANGER.Angryemotionsincludeeverythingfrombeingmildlyirritatedto

beingangry,resentful,furious,orevenenraged.TheMessage:Themessageofangeristhatanimportantruleorstandardthatyouholdforyourlifehasbeenviolatedbysomeoneelse,ormaybeevenbyyou.(We'lltalkmoreaboutthisinChapter16onrules.)Whenyougetthemessageofanger,youneedtounderstandthatyoucanliterallychangethisemotioninamoment.TheSolution:1)Realizethatyoumayhavemisinterpretedthesituationcompletely,thatyourangeraboutthispersonbreakingyourrulesmaybebasedonthefact that theydon'tknowwhat'smostimportanttoyou(eventhoughyoubelievetheyshould).2)Realizethatevenifapersondidviolateoneofyourstandards,yourrulesarenot necessarily the "right" rules, even though you feel as strongly as you doaboutthem.3)Askyourselfamoreempoweringquestionlike"Inthelongrun,isittruethatthispersonreallycaresaboutme?"Interrupttheangerbyaskingyourself,"WhatcanIlearnfromthis?HowcanIcommunicatetheimportanceofthesestandardsIholdformyself to thisperson inawaythatcauses themtowant tohelpme,andnotviolatemystandardsagaininthefuture?"Forexample,ifyou'reangry,changeyourperception—maybethispersonreallydidn'tknowyourrules.Orchangeyourprocedure—maybeyoudidn'teffectivelycommunicate your real needs.Or change your behavior—tell people up front,forexample,"Hey,thisisprivate.Pleasepromisemeyouwon'tsharethiswithanybody;it'sreallyimportanttome."Formanypeople,consistentanger,orthefailuretobeabletomeettheirownstandardsandrules,leadsto...

5.FRUSTRATION.Frustrationcancomefrommanyavenues.Anytimewefeellike we're surrounded by roadblocks in our lives, where we are continuouslyputting out effort but not receiving rewards, we tend to feel the emotion offrustration.TheMessage:\Themessageoffrustrationisanexcitingsignal.Itmeansthatyourbrainbelievesyou could be doing better than you currently are. Frustration is very differentfromdisappointment,whichisthefeelingthatthere'ssomethingyouwantinyourlifebutyou'llnevergetit.Bycontrast,frustrationisaverypositivesign.Itmeansthatthesolutiontoyourproblemiswithin range, but what you're currently doing isn't working, and you need tochange your approach in order to achieve your goal. It's a signal for you tobecomemoreflexible!Howdoyoudealwithfrustration?TheSolution:1) Realize that frustration is your friend, and brainstorm new ways to get aresult.Howcanyouflexyourapproach?2)Getsomeinputonhowtodealwiththesituation.Findarolemodel,someonewho has found away to getwhat youwant.Ask them for input on how youmightmoreeffectivelyproduceyourdesiredresult.3) Get fascinated by what you can learn that could help you handle thischallenge not only today, but in the future, in away that consumes very littletimeorenergyandactuallycreatesjoy.Muchmoredevastatingthanfrustration,however,istheemotionof...6.DISAPPOINTMENT.Disappointmentcanbeaverydestructiveemotionif

youdon'tdealwithitquickly.Disappointmentisthedevastatingfeelingofbeing"letdown"orthatyou'regoingtomissoutonsomethingforever.Anythingthatmakes you feel sad or defeated as a result of expectingmore than you get isdisappointing.TheMessage:Themessagedisappointmentoffersyouisthatanexpectationyouhavehad—agoalyouwerereallygoingfor—isprobablynotgoingtohappen,soit'stimetochangeyourexpectationstomakethemmoreappropriatefor thissituationandtakeactiontosetandachieveanewgoalimmediately.Andthatisthesolution.TheSolution:1)Immediatelyfigureoutsomethingyoucanlearnfromthissituationthatcouldhelpyouinthefuturetoachievetheverythingyouwereafterinthefirstplace.2)Set anewgoal, something thatwillbeevenmore inspiring, and something

youcanmakeimmediateprogresstoward.3) Realize that you may be judging too soon. Often the things you'redisappointedaboutareonlytemporarychallenges,verymuchlikeinthestoryofBilly Joel inChapter 2.As I've said, you and I need to remember thatGod'sdelaysarenotGod'sdenials.YoumayjustbeinwhatIcall"lagtime."Peopleoften set themselves up for disappointment by having completely unrealisticexpectations.Ifyougoouttodayandplantaseed,youcan'tgobacktomorrowandexpecttoseeatree.4)A fourthmajor solution to dealingwith disappointment is to realize that asituationisn'toveryet,anddevelopmorepatience.Completelyreevaluatewhatyoutrulywant,andbegintodevelopanevenmoreeffectiveplanforachievingit.5)Themostpowerfulantidotetotheemotionofdisappointmentiscultivatinganattitudeofpositiveexpectancyaboutwhatwillhappeninthefuture,regardlessof what has occurred in the past. The ultimate disappointment that we canexperienceisusuallyexpressedastheemotionof...7.GUILT.Theemotionsofguilt,regret,andremorseareamongtheemotions

human beings domost to avoid in life, and this is valuable. They are painfulemotionsforustoexperience,butthey,too,serveavaluablefunction,onewhichbecomesapparentoncewehearthemessage.TheMessage:Guilt tells you that you have violated one of your ownhighest standards, andthat you must do something immediately to ensure that you're not going toviolate that standard again in the future. If you recall, inChapter6 I said thatleverage is accessed when someone begins to link pain to something. Withenoughpainlinkedtoabehavior,thatpersonwilleventuallychangeit,andthestrongest leverage is the pain we can give ourselves. Guilt is the ultimateleverageformanypeopleinchangingabehavior.However,somepeopletrytodeal with their guilt by denying and suppressing it. Unfortunately, this rarelyworks.Guiltdoesnotgoaway;itonlycomesbackstronger.Theotherextremeistosurrendertoandwallowinguilt,wherewebegintojustaccept thepainandexperience learnedhelplessness.This isnot thepurposeofguilt.It'sdesigned,again,todriveustoactiontocreateachange.Peopletailtounderstandthisandoftenfeelsoremorsefulaboutsomethingtheyoncedidthattheyallowthemselvestofeel inferiorfor therestof their lives!That isnot themessageofguilt.It'stheretomakesureyoueitheravoidbehaviorsoutofyourcertaintythatthey'llleadtoguilt,or,ifyou'vealreadyviolatedyourstandard,it'stheretoinduceenoughpainwithinyoutogetyourselftorecommittoahigher

standard once again.Once you address your old behavior that you feel guiltyabout,though,andyou'resincereandconsistent,thenmoveon.TheSolution:1)Acknowledgethatyouhave,infact,violatedacriticalstandardyouholdforyourself.2)Absolutelycommityourself tomakingsure thisbehaviorwillneverhappenagainin thefuture.Rehearse inyourmindhow, ifyoucouldlive itagain,youcoulddealwiththesamesituationyoufeelguiltyaboutinawaythatisconsistentwithyourownhighestpersonalstandards.Asyoucommitbeyondashadowofadoubtthatyou'llneverallowthebehaviortooccuragain,youhavetherighttoletgooftheguilt.Guilthasthenserveditspurpose to drive you to hold a higher standard in the future. Utilize it; don'twallow in it! Some people manage to beat themselves up mentally andemotionallybecausetheyareconstantlyfailingtomeetstandardsthattheyholdfor themselves invirtuallyeveryareaof life.Asa result,mostof thesepeopleexperienceafeelingof...8. INADEQUACY.This feelingofunworthinessoccursanytimewefeelwe

can't do somethingwe should be able to do. The challenge, of course, is thatoftenwehaveacompletelyunfairrulefordeterminingwhetherwe'reinadequateornot.First,understandthemessageinadequacyisgivingyou.TheMessage:Themessage is thatyoudon't presentlyhavea levelof skill necessary for thetask at hand. It's telling you that you need more information, understanding,strategies,toolsorconfidence.TheSolution:1)Simplyaskyourself,"Is this reallyanappropriateemotionformetofeel inthis situation? Am I really inadequate, or do I have to change the way I'mperceiving things?" Maybe you've convinced yourself that in order to feeladequate,youhavetogooutonthedancefloorandoutdoMichaelJackson.Thisisprobablyaninappropriateperception.Ifyourfeelingisjustified,themessageofinadequacyisthatyouneedtofindawaytodosomethingbetterthanyou'vedoneitbefore.Thesolutioninthiscaseisalsoobvious:2) Whenever you feel inadequate, appreciate the encouragement to improve.Remindyourself thatyou'renot "perfect," and thatyoudon'tneed tobe.Withthis realization, you can begin to feel adequate the moment you decide tocommit yourself toCANI!™—constant and never-ending improvement in this

area.3) Find a rolemodel—someonewho's effective in the area inwhich you feelinadequate—andgetsomecoachingfromthem.Just theprocessofdecidingtomasterthisareaofyourlifeandmakingeventhesmallest amountofprogresswill turnapersonwho's inadequate intoapersonwho'slearning.Thisemotioniscritical,becausewhensomeonefeelsinadequate,theytendtotallintothetrapoflearnedhelplessness,andtheybegintoseetheproblemasbeingapermanentonewith themselves.There'snogreater lieyoucouldtellyourself.You'renotinadequate.Youmaybeuntrainedorunskilledinaparticular area, but you're not inadequate. The capability for greatness inanythingiswithinyouevennow.When we begin to feel that problems are permanent or pervasive orwe havemorethingstodealwiththanwecanpossiblyimagine,wetendtosuccumbtotheemotionsof...9.OVERLOADOROVERWHEIM.Grief, depression, andhelplessness are

merelyexpressionsoffeelingoverloadedoroverwhelmed.Griefhappenswhenyoufeellikethereisnoempoweringmeaningforsomethingthathashappened,orthatyourlifeisbeingnegativelyimpactedbypeople,events,orforcesthatareoutsideyourcontrol.Peopleinthisstatebecomeoverwhelmedandoftenbeginto feel that nothing can change the situation, that the problem is too big—it'spermanent, pervasive, and personal. People go into these emotional stateswhenever theyperceive theirworld in away thatmakes them feel like there'smore going on than they can possibly deal with, i.e., the pace, amount, orintensityofsensationsseemsoverwhelming.TheMessage:Themessageofbeingoverwhelmedis thatyouneedtoreevaluatewhat'smostimportant to you in this situation. The reason you're overloaded is that you'retrying to deal with too many things at once, and you're trying to changeeverythingovernight.Thefeelingofbeingoverloadedoroverwhelmeddisruptsanddestroysmorepeople'slivesthanjustaboutanyotheremotion.TheSolution:1) Decide, out of all the things you're dealing with in your life, what theabsolute,mostimportantthingisforyoutofocuson.2)Nowwritedownallthethingsthataremostimportantforyoutoaccomplishandputtheminanorderofpriority.Justputtingthemdownonpaperwillallowyoutobegintofeelasenseofcontroloverwhat'sgoingon.3) Tackle the first thing on your list, and continue to take action until you'vemastered it. As soon as you've mastered one particular area, you'll begin to

developmomentum.Yourbrainwillbegintorealizethatyouareincontrolandyou are not overloaded, overwhelmed, or depressed, that the problem is notpermanent,andthatyoucanalwayscomeupwithasolution.4)When you feel that it's appropriate to start letting go of an overwhelmingemotionlikegrief,startfocusingonwhatyoucancontrolandrealizethattheremustbesomeempoweringmeaningtoitall,eventhoughyoucan'tcomprehendit yet.Our self-esteem is often tied toour ability to control our environments.Whenwecreateanenvironmentinsideourmindsthathastoomanyintenseandsimultaneous demands upon us, of course we'll feel overloaded. But we alsohavethepowertochangethisbyfocusingonwhatwecancontrolanddealingwith it a step at a time.Probably the emotion thatmost people fear themost,however,isthatfeelingofdisconnection,alsoknownas...10.LONELINESS.Anythingthatmakesusfeelalone,apart,orseparatefrom

othersbelongs in this category.Haveyou ever felt really lonely? I don't thinkthere'sanybodyalivewhohasn't.TheMessage:Themessageoflonelinessisthatyouneedaconnectionwithpeople.Butwhatdoes themessagemean?Peopleoftenassumeitmeansasexualconnection,orinstant intimacy. Then they feel frustrated, because even when they do haveintimacy,theystillfeellonely.TheSolution:1) The solution to loneliness is to realize that you can reach out andmake aconnection immediately and end the loneliness. There are caring peopleeverywhere.2) Identify what kind of connection you do need. Do you need an intimateconnection?Maybeyoujustneedsomebasicfriendship,orsomeonetolistentoyouortolaughortalkwith.Yousimplyhavetoidentifywhatyourtrueneedsare.3)Remindyourselfthatwhat'sgreataboutbeinglonelyisthatitmeans,"Ireallycareaboutpeople,andI love tobewith them. Ineed to findoutwhatkindofconnectionIneedwithsomebodyrightnow,andthentakeanactionimmediatelytomakethathappen."4)Then,takeimmediateactiontoreachoutandconnectwithsomeone.So there's your list of the tenActionSignals.Asyou can see, everyoneof

theseemotionsisofferingyouempoweringmessagesandacalltochangeeitheryourfalseanddisempoweringperceptionsoryourinappropriateprocedures,thatis, your communication style or actions.To fully utilize this list, remember toreview it several times, and with each repetition, look for and underline the

positivemessagesthateachsignalisgivingyou,aswellasthesolutionsyoucanuse in the future.Almost all "negative" emotions have their basis in these tencategoriesoraresomehybridofthem.Butyoucandealwithanyemotioninthewaywediscussed earlier: by going through the six steps, getting curious, anddiscoveringtheempoweringmeaningit'sofferingyou."Wemustcultivateourgarden."

VOLTAIREThink of yourmind, your emotions, and your spirit as the ultimate garden.

Theway to ensure a bountiful, nourishing harvest is to plant seeds like love,warmth,andappreciation,insteadofseedslikedisappointment,anger,andfear.BegintothinkofthoseActionSignalsasweedsinyourgarden.Aweedisacalltoaction,isn'tit?Itsays,"You'vegottodosomething;you'vegottopullthisouttomakeroomforbetter,healthierplantstogrow."Keepcultivatingthekindsofplantsyouwant,andpulltheweedsassoonasyounoticethem.Let me offer you ten emotional seeds you can plant in your garden. If younurturetheseseedsbyfocusingonfeelingwhatyouwanttofeeleveryday,youwill hold yourself to a standard of greatness. These seeds create a life thatflourishesand fulfills itshighestpotential.Let'sexplore thembrieflynow,andrealizethateachoftheseemotionsrepresentsanantidotetoanyofthe"negative"emotionsyoumayhavebeenfeelingpreviously.

THETENEMOTIONSOFPOWER

1.LOVEANDWARMTH.Theconsistentexpressionofloveseemstobeabletomelt almost any negative emotions it comes in contactwith. If someone isangry with you, you can easily remain loving with them by adopting a corebelief such as this marvelous one from the book A Course in Miracles: allcommunicationiseitheralovingresponseoracryforhelp.Ifsomeonecomestoyouinastateofhurtoranger,andyouconsistentlyrespondtothemwithloveandwarmth,eventuallytheirstatewillchangeandtheirintensitywillmeltaway."Ifyoucouldonlyloveenough,youcouldbethemostpowerfulpersoninthe

world."EMMETFOX2. APPRECIATION AND GRATITUDE. I believe that all of the most

powerfulemotionsaresomeexpressionoflove,eachdirectedindifferentways.For me, appreciation and gratitude are two of the most spiritual emotions,activelyexpressingthroughthoughtandactionmyappreciationandloveforallthegiftsthatlifehasgivenme,thatpeoplehavegivenme,thatexperiencehasgivenme.LivinginthisemotionalstatewillenhanceyourlifemorethanalmostanythingIknowof.Cultivating this iscultivating life.Livewithanattitudeofgratitude.3.CURIOSITY.Ifyoureallywanttogrowinyourlife,learntobeascuriousasachild.Childrenknowhowtowonder—that'swhythey'resoendearing.Ifyouwant to cure boredom, be curious. If you're curious, nothing is a chore ; it'sautomatic—youwanttostudy.Cultivatecuriosity,andlifebecomesanunendingstudyofjoy.4. EXCITEMENT AND PASSION. Excitement and passion can add juice toanything.Passioncanturnanychallengeintoatremendousopportunity.Passionisunbridledpowertomoveourlivesforwardatafastertempothaneverbefore.ToparaphraseBenjaminDisraeli,manisonlytrulygreatwhenheactsfromthepassions. How do we "get" passion? The same way we "get" love, warmth,appreciation, gratefulness, and curiosity—we decide to feel it! Use yourphysiology:speakmorerapidly,visualizeimagesmorerapidly,moveyourbodyin thedirectionyouwant togo.Don't just casually sit and think.Youcan'tbefilledwithpassion ifyou'reslumpingoveryourdesk,breathingshallowly,andslurringyourspeech.5.DETERMINATION.All of the above emotions are invaluable, but there isone thatyoumusthave ifyou'regoing tocreate lastingvalue in thisworld. It

willdictatehowyoudealwithupsetsandchallenges,withdisappointmentanddisillusionments.Determinationmeans thedifferencebetweenbeing stuck andbeing struck with the lightning power of commitment. If you want to getyourself to lose weight, make those business calls, or follow through onanything, "pushing" yourself won't do it. Putting yourself in a state ofdeterminationwill.Allyouractionswillspringfromthatsource,andyou'lljustautomatically do whatever it takes to accomplish your aim. Acting withdeterminationmeansmakingacongruent,committeddecisionwhereyou'vecutoffanyotherpossibility."Determinationisthewake-upcalltothehumanwill."

ANTHONYROBBINSWithdetermination,youcanaccomplishanything.Withoutit,you'redoomed

tofrustrationanddisappointment.Ourwillingnesstodowhateverittakes,toactin spite of fear, is the basis of courage. And courage is the foundation fromwhichdeterminationisborn.Thedifferencebetweenfeelingaccomplishmentorfeelingdespondencyisthecultivationoftheemotionalmuscleofdetermination.Withallthatdeterminationatyourcommand,though,besureyoucanalsobreakyourownpatternandchangeyourapproach.Whysmashthroughawallifyoucanjustlookalittletoyourleftandfindadoor?Sometimesdeterminationcanbealimitation;youneedtocultivate...6.FLEXIBILITY.Ifthere'soneseedtoplantthatwillguaranteesuccess,it'stheabilitytochangeyourapproach.Infact,allthoseActionSignals—thosethingsyou used to call negative emotions—are just messages to be more flexible!Choosingtobeflexibleischoosingtobehappy.Throughoutyourlifetherewillbetimeswhentherearethingsyouwillnotbeabletocontrol,andyourabilitytobeflexibleinyourrules,themeaningyouattachtothings,andyouractionswilldetermine your long-term success or failure, not to mention your level ofpersonaljoy.Thereedthatbendswillsurvivethewindstorm,whilethemightyoaktreewillcrack.Ifyoucultivatealloftheaboveemotions,thenyou'llsurelydevelop...7.CONFIDENCE.Unshakableconfidenceisthesenseofcertaintyweallwant.Theonlywayyoucanconsistentlyexperienceconfidence,eveninenvironmentsand situations you've never previously encountered, is through the power offaith. Imagine and feel certain about the emotions you deserve to have now,rather than wait for them to spontaneously appear someday in the far distantfuture.Whenyou'reconfident,you'rewilling toexperiment, toputyourselfontheline.Onewaytodevelopfaithandconfidenceissimplytopracticeusingit.If Iwere toaskwhetheryou'reconfident thatyoucan tieyourownshoes, I'm

sureyoucouldtellmewithperfectconfidencethatyoucan.Why?Onlybecauseyou've done it thousands of times! So practice confidence by using itconsistently,andyou'llbeamazedatthedividendsitreapsineveryareaofyourlife.In order to get yourself to do anything, it's imperative to exercise confidencerather than fear. The tragedy of many people's lives is that they avoid doingthings because they're afraid; they even feel bad about things in advance.Butremember:thesourceofsuccessforoutstandingachieversoftenfindsitsoriginin a set of nurtured beliefs for which that individual had no references! Theabilitytoactonfaithiswhatmovesthehumanraceforward.Anotheremotionyou'll automatically experience once you've succeeded in cultivating all theaboveis...8.CHEERFULNESS.WhenIaddedcheerfulness tomy listofmost importantvalues,peoplecommented,"There'ssomethingdifferentaboutyou.Youseemsohappy." I realized that I had been happy, but I hadn't told my face about it!There'sabigdifferencebetweenbeinghappyontheinside,andbeingoutwardlycheerful. Cheerfulness enhances your self-esteem, makes life more fun, andmakesthepeoplearoundyoufeelhappieraswell.Cheerfulnesshasthepowertoeliminate the feelings of fear, hurt, anger, frustration, disappointment,depression,guilt,and inadequacy fromyour life.You'veachievedcheerfulnessthedayyourealizethatnomatterwhat'shappeningaroundyou,beinganythingotherthancheerfulwillnotmakeitbetter.Beingcheerfuldoesnotmeanthatyou'rePollyannaorthatyoulookattheworldthrough rose-colored glasses and refuse to acknowledge challenges. Beingcheerfulmeansyou're incredibly intelligent becauseyouknow that if you livelifeinastateofpleasure—onethat'ssointensethatyoutransmitasenseofjoyto thosearoundyou—youcanhave the impact tomeetvirtuallyanychallengethat comes your way. Cultivate cheerfulness, and youwon't need somany ofthose"painful"ActionSignalstogetyourattention!Makeiteasyforyourselftofeelcheerfulbyplantingtheseedof...9. VITALITY. Handling this area is critical. If you don't take care of yourphysicalbody,it'smoredifficulttobeabletoenjoytheseemotions.Makesurethat physical vitality is available; remember that all emotions are directedthroughyourbody.Ifyou'refeelingoutofsortsemotionally,youneedtolookatthe basics. How are you breathing? When people are stressed, they stopbreathing, sapping their vitality. Learning to breathe properly is the mostimportant avenue toward good health. Another critical element to physicalvitalityisensuringthatyouhaveanabundantlevelofnerveenergy.How do you do this? Realize that day to day you're expending nerve energy

throughyouractions,andasobviousasitsounds,youdoneedtomakesurethatyou rest and recharge.By theway,howmuchsleepareyougetting? Ifyou'reregularly logging eight to ten hours of sack time, you're probably getting toomuchsleep!Sixtosevenhourshasbeenfoundtobeoptimumformostpeople.Contrarytopopularbelief,sittingstilldoesn'tpreserveenergy.Thetruthis,that'susuallywhenyoufeelmosttired.Thehumannervoussystemneedstomovetohaveenergy.Toacertainextent,expendingenergygivesyouagreatersenseofenergy.Asyoumove,oxygenflowsthroughyoursystem,andthatphysicallevelofhealthcreates theemotional senseofvitality thatcanhelpyou todealwithvirtually any negative challenge you could have in your life, So realize that asenseofvitalityisacriticalemotiontocultivateinordertohandlevirtuallyanyemotionsthatcomeupinyourlife,nottomention the critical resource in experiencing consistent passion.Once yourgarden is filledwith thesepowerfulemotions, thenyoucanshareyourbountythrough...10.CONTRIBUTION.Yearsago,Irememberbeinginoneofthetoughesttimesinmylife,drivingdownthefreeway in themiddleof thenight. Ikeptasking,"WhatdoIneedtodototurnmylifearound?"Suddenlyaninsightcametome,accompaniedbysuchintenseemotionthatIwascompelledtopullmycarofftheroadimmediatelyandwritedownonekeyphraseinmyjournal:"Thesecrettolivingisgiving."There'snoricheremotionIknowofinlifethanthesensethatwhoyouareasaperson, somethingyou've saidor done, has added tomore than just yourownlife,thatsomehowithasenhancedlife'sexperienceforsomeoneyoucareabout,or maybe someone you don't even know. The stories that move me mostprofoundlyareaboutpeoplewhofollowthehighestspiritualemotionofcaringunconditionally and acting for others' benefit. When I saw the musical LesMiserables,IwasdeeplymovedbythecharacterofJeanValjean,becausehewassuchagoodmanwhowanted to give somuch to others.Eachdaywe should cultivate that sense ofcontributionbyfocusingnotonlyonourselves,butonothersaswell.Don't fall into the trap, though, of trying to contribute to others at your ownexpense—playingthemartyrwon'tgiveyouatruesenseofcontribution.Butifyou can consistently give to yourself and others on a measurable scale thatallowsyoutoknowthatyourlifehasmattered,you'llhaveasenseofconnectionwith people and a sense of pride and self-esteem that no amount of money,accomplishments, fame, or acknowledgment could ever give. A sense ofcontributionmakesalloflifeworthwhile. Imaginewhat a better world it would be if all of us cultivated a

senseofcontribution!THETENACTIONSIGNALS

1.DISCOMFORT2.FEAR3.HURT4.ANGER5.FRUSTRATION6.DISAPPOINTMENT7.GUILT8.INADEQUACY9.OVERLOAD,OVERWHELM10.LONELINESSTHETENEMOTIONSOFPOWER

1.LOVEANDWARMTH2.APPRECIATIONANDGRATITUDE3.CURIOSITY4.EXCITEMENTANDPASSION5.DETERMINATION6.FLEXIBIUTY7.CONFIDENCE8.CHEERFULNESS9.VITALITY10.CONTRIBUTIONPlanttheseemotionsdaily,andwatchyourwholelifegrowwithavitalitythat

you'veneverdreamedofbefore.Here,forreview,arethetenActionSignalsandthetenEmotionsofPower.Icannotemphasizestronglyenoughtheimportanceoflearningtousethenegativeemotionsforwhattheyare—callstoaction—andcommittingtocultivatethepositiveemotions.Doyourememberthe3"x5"cardyou created on which you wrote down all the messages and solutions yourActionSignalsaregivingyou?Reviewitfrequentlythroughouttheday.Asyouviewitevennow,youmaynoticethatthepositiveemotionswe'vejustcoveredare great antidotes to the Action Signals. In other words, if you're feelinguncomfortableemotion,thenloveandwarmthwillmakechangingthatemotionmuch simpler. If you're feeling fearful, then a sense of gratitude wipes thatemotionout. Ifyou're feelinghurtand thengetcuriousaboutwhat'sgoingon,that replaces the sense of hurt. If you're feeling angry and you turn thatemotionalintensityintodirectedexcitementandpassion,thinkofwhatyoucanaccomplish! Frustration can be broken throughwith the use of determination.

Disappointment can be dissolved by being flexible in your approach. Guiltdisappears theminuteyoubecomeconfident thatyou'regoing to stick toyournewstandards.Inadequacydepartswhenyou'refeelingcheerful; there'ssimplynoroomfor it.Asenseofoverloaddisappearswithasenseofpersonalpowerandvitality.Lonelinessmeltsawaythemomentyoufigureouthowtocontributetoothers.I'dnowlikeyoutodoanassignmentthatwillfullyassociateyoutothesimpleandpowerfultoolofemotions.1) Over the next two days, any time you feel a disempowering or negativeemotion, follow the six steps to emotional mastery. Identify what category itbelongs in, and recognize its value in giving you themessage that you need.Discover whether what needs to be changed are your perceptions or youractions.Getconfident,getcertain,andgetexcited.2)ActionSignalsserveanimportantfunction,butifyoudidn'thavetofeelthemas often, wouldn't that be preferable? In addition to the Emotions of Power,cultivate global beliefs that help minimize your experience of the negativeemotions.Forexample,I'veeliminatedthefeelingofabandonment(loneliness)from my life because I've adopted the belief that I can never really beabandoned.IfsomeoneIloveevertriedto"abandon"me,I'djustfollowthem!(Other empowering beliefs include, "This, too, shall pass"; "Love is the onlymustinmylife;everythingelseisashould";and"There'salwaysaway,ifI'mcommitted.")Utilize these Emotions of Power daily, and use the six steps to emotionalmasterytotransformyourActionSignalsintopositiveaction.Remember:Everyfeelingthatyouhave—goodorbad—isbasedonyour interpretation of what thingsmean.Whenever you start to feel bad, askyourself this question: "What else could thismean?" It's the first step towardtakingcontrolofyouremotions.WhatIhopeyou'lltakefromthischapterisanappreciationofallyouremotionsandasenseofexcitement that they'reallprovidingyouwithachance to learnsomethingtomakeyourlifebetter,literallyatamoment'snotice.Neveragaindoyouneedtofeelthatpainfulemotionsareyourenemies.They'reallheretoserveyouasasignalthatsomekindofchangeisneeded.Asyourefineyourabilitytouse these Action Signals, you'll start handling them up front, when they aresmall, rather than waiting until they turn into full-blown crises. For instance,you'llhandleasituationwhileit'sstillannoying,notinfuriating—likehandlingaweightproblemwhenyounoticethefirstextrapoundrather thanwaitinguntilyou'veaddedanotherthirty.Overthenextcoupleofweeks,focusonenjoyingtheprocessoflearningfrom

allofyouremotions.Youcanexperiencethewholekaleidoscopeatanymomentyouchoose.Don'tbeafraid—ridetherollercoaster!Experiencethejoy,passion,andthrillofalltheemotions,andknowthatyou're in control! It's your life, your emotions, your destiny.One thing I havefoundisthatalthoughsomeonemayknowhowtodosomething,theymightstillnotapplywhattheyknow.Whatwereallyneedisareasontousethepowerofourdecisions, tochangeourbeliefs, toget leverageonourselvesand interruptour patterns, to ask better questions and sensitize ourselves to our vocabularyandmetaphors.Inordertobemotivatedonaconsistentbasis,weneedtodevelop...

THEMAGNIFICENTOBSESSION-CREATINGACOMPELLINGFUTURE"Nothinghappensunlessfirstadream."

CARLSANDBURGAreyoureadynowtohavesomefun?Areyouwillingtobelikeakidagain

andletyourimaginationrunwild?Areyoucommittedtograbbingholdofyourlifeandsqueezingfromitall thepower,passion,and"juice"youknowcanbeyours?I'vethrownalotatyousofar.We'vecoveredamonumentalamountofmaterialinthepreviouschapters,mostofwhichyoucanputtouseimmediately.Someofit, however, will stay tucked away in a comer of your brain, locked in deepstorageuntiljusttherightmoment.We'veworkedhardtogethertogetyouinthepositiontomakenewdecisions,decisionsthatcanmakethedifferencebetweenalifeofdreamingandalifeofdoing.Manypeopleinlifeknowwhattheyshoulddo,buttheyneverdoit.Thereasonisthatthey'relackingthedrivethatonlyacompellingfuturecanprovide.Thischapterisyouropportunitytoletgoanddreamatthehighestlevel,tobrainstormoutthewildestpossibilitiesand,insodoing,topossiblydiscoversomethingthatwill really push your life to the next level. Itwill help you create energy andmomentum.Ifyoureadthischapteractivelyinsteadofpassively,ifyoudotheexercisesandtake action, then the following pages will reward you with a vision for yourfuturethatwillpullyoulikeamagnetthroughyourtoughesttimes.It'sachapterI'm sure you'll love returning to again and again anytime you need renewedinspiration for your life. This is your chance to really have some fun andexperienceyourtruepassion!What I'm going to ask you to do in the next few pages is to unlock yourimagination, throwall "commonsense" to thewind, andact as if you're akidagain—akidwhocan literallyhaveanythinghewants, akidwhohasonly toexpress his heart's desire, and it will instantly be his. Do you remember theArabian tales known collectively as The Thousand andOneNights? Can youguesswhatmyfavoritestorywas?That'sright:Aladdin'sLamp.Ithinkallofus,atonetimeoranother,havelongedtogetourhandsonthatmagiclamp.Allyouhavetodoisrubit,andamightygenieappearsinordertocarryoutyourwishes.I'mhere to tellyou thatyoupossessa lamp that isnot limited toamere three

wishes!Nowit'stimeforyoutograbholdofthispowerfulforcewithinyou.Onceyoudecidetoawakenthisgiant,you'llbeunstoppableincreatingmental,emotional,physical, financial, and spiritual abundance beyond your wildest fantasies.Whether your dreamsmaterialize instantly or take shape gradually over time,know that theonly limit towhat you canhave inyour life is the sizeof yourimaginationandthelevelofyourcommitmenttomakingitreal.

GIANTGOALSPRODUCEGIANTMOTIVATION

SooftenIhearpeoplesay,"Tony,wheredoyougetyourenergy?Withallthatintensity,nowonderyou'resosuccessful.Ijustdon'thaveyourdrive;IguessI'mnotmotivated.IguessI'mlazy."Myusualresponseis,"You'renotlazy!Youjusthaveimpotentgoals!"FrequentlyIgetaconfusedlookto thisresponse,atwhichpointIexplain thatmylevelofexcitementanddrivecomesfrommygoals.EverymorningwhenIwakeup,evenifIfeelphysicallyexhaustedfromalackofsleep,I'llstillfindthedriveIneedbecausemygoalsaresoexcitingtome.Theygetmeupearly,keepme up late, and inspireme tomarshalmy resources and use everything I canpossibly findwithin the sphereofmy influence tobring them to fruition.Thesameenergyandsenseofmissionisavailable toyounow,but itwillneverbeawakened by puny goals. The first step is to develop bigger, more inspiring,morechallenginggoals.Oftenpeople tellme, "Myproblem is that I reallydon'thaveanygoals."Thisbelief demonstrates their lackof understandingof howgoals reallywork.Thehumanmind is alwayspursuing something, ifnothingmore than theability toreduceoreliminatepain,oravoidanythingthatcouldleadtoit.Ourbrainsalsolove toguideus inpursuinganything thatcan lead to thecreationofpleasure.Weallhavegoals.Theproblem,asI'vestressedinvirtuallyeverychaptersofar,isthatweareunconsciousinouruseoftheseresources.Mostpeople'sgoalsareto"paytheirlousybills,"togetby,tosurvive,tomakeitthrough the day—in short, they are caught up in the trap of making a livingratherthandesigningalife.Doyouthinkthesegoalswillgiveyouthepowertotapthevastreserveofpowerwithinyou?Hardly!YouandImustrememberthatourgoalsaffectus,whatevertheyare.Ifwedon'tconsciouslyplanttheseedswewantinthegardensofourminds,we'llendupwithweeds!Weedsareautomatic;you don't have to work to get them. If we want to discover the unlimitedpossibilities within us, wemust find a goal big enough and grand enough tochallenge us to push beyond our limits and discover our true potential.Rememberthatyourcurrentconditionsdonotreflectyourultimatepotential,butrather thesizeandqualityofgoalsuponwhichyoucurrentlyarefocusing.WeallmustdiscoverorcreateaMagnificentObsession.GOALS TAKE YOU BEYOND YOUR LIMITS TO A WORLD OF

UNLIMITEDPOWERWhenwefirstsetlargegoals,theymayseemimpossibletoachieve.Butthe

most importantkey togoal setting is to findagoalbigenough to inspireyou,something thatwillcauseyoutounleashyourpower.ThewayIusuallyknowI'vesettherightgoaliswhenitseemsimpossiblebutatthesametimeit'sgivingmeasenseofcrazedexcitementjusttothinkaboutthepossibilityofachievingit.Inordertotrulyfindthatinspirationandachievethoseimpossiblegoals,wemustsuspendourbeliefsystemsaboutwhatwe'recapableofachieving.I'llneverforget the truestoryofayoungboyborn intopoverty inarun-downsection of San Francisco and how his goals seemed impossible to everyoneexcepthim.Thisyoungmanwasafanoffootball legendJimBrown, then therunning back for theClevelandBrowns. In spite of the fact that this boywascrippledbyricketshehadenduredasaresultofmalnutrition,andattheageofsixhislegshadbecomepermanentlybowedandhiscalvessoatrophiedthathisnicknamewas "Pencil Legs," he set a goal to one day become a star runningbacklikehishero.Hehadnomoneytoattendfootballgames,sowhenevertheBrowns played the 49ers he would wait outside the stadium until themaintenance crew opened the gate late in the fourth quarter. He would thenhobbleintothestadiumandsoakupthebalanceofthegame.Finally, at the age of thirteen, the boy had an encounter he'd dreamed of hiswhole life.Hewalked into an ice creamparlor after a 49ers game against theBrowns, and whom should he see but his longtime idol! He approached thefootball star and said, "Mr. Brown, I'm your biggest fan!" Graciously, Brownthankedhim.Theyoungboypersisted. "Mr.Brown,youknowwhat?"Brownturned tohimagainand said, "What is it, son?"Theyoungboysaid, "Iknoweveryrecordyou'veeverset,everytouchdownyou'veeverscored!"JimBrownsmiledandsaid,"That'sgreat,"andreturnedtohisconversation.Theyoungmanpersisted, "Mr.Brown!Mr.Brown!" JimBrown turned tohimyet again.ThistimetheyoungmanstareddeepintohiseyeswithapassionsointenseBrowncouldfeelitandsaid,"Mr.Brown,onedayI'mgoingtobreakeveryoneofyourrecords!"Thefootballlegendsmiledandsaid,"That'sgreat,kid.What'syourname?"Theboygrinnedfromeartoearandsaid,"Orenthal,sir.OrenthalJamesSimpson...MyfriendscallmeO.J.""Wearewhatandwherewearebecausewehavefirstimaginedit."

DONALDCURTISO.J.Simpsondid indeedgoon tobreakallof JimBrown's records, and set

somenewonesofhisown!Howdogoalscreatethisincrediblepowertoshapedestiny?Howcantheytakeayoungboyafflictedwithricketsandallowhimto

becomealegend?Settinggoalsisthefirststepinturningtheinvisibleintothevisible—thefoundationforallsuccessinlife.It'sasifinfiniteIntelligencewillfill any mold you create using the impression of your intensely emotionalthoughts.Inotherwords,youcan chisel your own existence by the thoughts you consistently project everymomentofyourlife.Theconceptionofyourgoalsisthemasterplanthatguidesallthought.Willyoucreateamasterpieceor interpret life through thepaintingsofothers?Will you put out a thimble to collect your life's experiences or a giant rainbarrel?Theanswerstothesequestionshavealreadybeengivenbythegoalsyouconsistentlyseek.TURNINGTHEINVISIBLEINTOTHEVISIBLELookaroundyourselfrightnow.Whatdoyousee?Areyousittingonasofa,

surroundedbyfineartorwatchingabig-screentelevisionemployingthelatesttechnology of laser disc? Or are you seated at a desk that holds a telephone,computer, and fax machine? All of these objects were once just ideas insomeone's mind. If I had told you 100 years ago that invisible waves fromaround theworld could be pulled from the air and fed into a box to generatesounds and pictures, wouldn't you have considered me crazy? Yet today justabouteveryhomeinAmericahasatleastonetelevisionset(theaverageistwo!).Someonehad to create them, and inorder for that tohappen, someonehad toenvisionthemwithclarity.Isthistrueonlyofmaterialobjects?No,italsoappliestoallkindsofactivitiesand processes: the reason a car works is that some enterprising individualsfiguredouthowtoharnesstheprocessofinternalcombustion.Theanswertoourcurrent energy challenges will lie in the imagination and resourcefulness oftoday'sphysicistsandengineers.Andtheresolutiontooursocialcrises,likethealarming spread of racial hate groups, homelessness, and hunger, can only beaddressedwith the inventiveness and compassionof dedicated individuals likeyouandme.WHYDOESN'TEVERYONESETGOALS?Youmightbe thinking rightnow,"Well, thisall soundsso inspirational,but

surely just setting a goal doesn't make it happen." I couldn't agree with youmore.Allgoalsettingmustbeimmediatelyfollowedbyboththedevelopmentofa plan, and massive and consistent action toward its fulfillment. You alreadyhavethispowertoact.Ifyouhaven'tbeenabletosummonit,it'smerelybecauseyouhavefailedtosetgoalsthatinspireyou.

What's holding you back? Surely you've been exposed to the power of goalsettingbeforereadingthisbook.Butdoyouhavealistofclearlydefinedgoalsfor the results youwill absolutely produce in your lifementally, emotionally,physically,spiritually,andfinancially?Whathasstoppedyou?Formanyit'stheunconsciousfearofdisappointment.Somepeoplehavesetgoalsinthepastandfailedtoachievethemand,asaresultof theirdisappointmentandtheir tearoffuture pain, they stop setting goals. They don'twant to have any expectationsthatcouldbedashed.Otherpeoplesetgoals,butabusethemselvesbytyingtheirentire level of personal happiness to their ability to achievegoals thatmaybeoutsidetheircontrol.Or theylacktheflexibility tonotice thatas theymoveinthedirectionoftheirgoals,therearebetter,moreworthygoalsallaroundthem.Theprocessofsettinggoalsworksalotlikeyoureyesight.Thecloseryougettoyourdestination,thegreaterclarityyougain,notonlyonthegoalitself,butthedetailsofeverythingaroundit.Whoknows?Youmaydecidethatyoulikeoneofthoseotherpossibilitiesevenbetter,thatitinspiresyouevenmore,andgoforthat one instead! In fact, sometimes, as we'll talk about in more depth later,failingtoachieveyourgoalactuallydrawsyouclosertoyourlife'struepurpose.Thedrivetoachieveandcontributecomesinmanyforms.Forsomepeopleit'sspawnedbydisappointmentoreventragedy.Forothersit'sfueledsimplybythestarkrealizationonedaythatlifeispassingthemby,thatthequalityoftheirlifeis lesseningwith each passingmoment. For some, inspiration is the source oftheirmotivation.Seeingwhat'spossible,anticipatingthebestpossiblescenario,or realizing that they're in fact making significant progress can help them todeveloptremendousmomentumtoaccomplishevenmore.Often,wedon't realizehowfarwe'vecomebecausewe're socaughtup in theprocessofachieving.Agoodmetaphor for this iswhena friend tellsyouhowmuch your son or daughter has grown, and you say with honest surprise,"Really?"It'sbeenhappeningrightunderyournose,soyou'vefailedtonoticeit.It'seventoughertoseeyourowngrowth,soI'dliketosharewithyouasimpleprocess.Pleasetakeamomenttodoitrightnow.Itwillassistyouintappingoneorbothoftheabove-describedforcesofmotivation.YESTERDAY,TODAY,ANDTOMORROWSometimesit'seasytolosetrackofjusthowfaryou'vealreadycome—orjust

howfaryoustillneedtogoinlife.Usethefollowingpagestomakeanaccurateassessment of where you stood in these ten critical areas five years ago.Specifically, next to each of these categories, give yourself a score on a scalefrom0to10,0meaningyouhadnothinginthisarea,and10meaningyouwereabsolutelylivingyourlife'sdesireinthatcategory.

Thesecondstep,aftergivingyourselfascore,istowriteasentencenexttoeachcategorytodescribewhatyouwerelikebackthen.Forinstance,fiveyearsago,whatwere you like physically?Youmightwrite down, "Iwas a 7," and thenfollowupwith,"Iwasinfairlygoodshape,butdefinitelyneededimprovement.Five pounds overweight, was running twice a week, but still didn't eathealthfully.Mediocrelevelsofenergy."Take five to ten minutes and do this exercise now. You will find it quiteenlightening! FiveYearsAgoScoreSentencePhysically_____________________________________________Mentally_____________________________________________Emotionally_____________________________________________Attractiveness_____________________________________________Relationships_____________________________________________Livingenvironment_____________________________________________Socially_____________________________________________

Spiritually_____________________________________________Career_____________________________________________Financially_____________________________________________Creating a Compelling Future _____

________________________________________Now,forcontrast'ssake,let'sseehowfaryou'vecome,orfailedtocome,in

each of these categories.Answer the same questions based on today. In otherwords,firstgiveyourselfascoreof1 to10ofwhereyouare todayineachofthesecategories,andthenwriteasentenceortwodescribingwhatyou'relikeineachofthesecategoriestoday.TodayScoreSentencePhysically_____________________________________________Mentally_____________________________________________Emotionally_____________________________________________Attractiveness_____________________________________________

Relationships_____________________________________________Livingenvironment_____________________________________________Socially_____________________________________________

Spiritually_____________________________________________Career_____________________________________________Financially_____________________________________________Creating a Compelling Future _____

________________________________________What have you learned by doing this so far? What distinctions have you

made?Haveyouimprovedmorethanyourealizedinsomecategories?Haveyoucomealongway?Thatfeelsgreat,doesn'tit?Ifyouhaven'tcomeasfarasyouwouldhaveliked,orifyouthinkthatyouweredoingbetterfiveyearsagothanyouarenowinsomeareas,that'sagreatmessage,too—onethatmaydriveyouto make changes before many more years pass you by. Remember,dissatisfactioncanbeamajorkeytosuccess.Take amoment now and jot down a few key phrases describingwhat you'velearnedbythiscomparison:________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Now complete the exercise by projecting five years into the future. Again,

give yourself a score and a sentence describingwhat you'll be like in each ofthesekeycategories.TodayScoreSentencePhysically_____________________________________________Mentally_____________________________________________Emotionally_____________________________________________Attractiveness_____________________________________________Relationships_____________________________________________Livingenvironment_____________________________________________

Socially_____________________________________________

Spiritually_____________________________________________Career_____________________________________________Financially_____________________________________________Creating a Compelling Future _____

________________________________________

THEKEYTOACHIEVINGGOALS

Whenyousetagoal,you'vecommitted toCANI!You'veacknowledged theneedthatallhumanbeingshaveforconstant,never-endingimprovement.Thereis power in the pressure of dissatisfaction, in the tension of temporarydiscomfort.Thisisthekindofpainyouwantinyourlife,thekindofpainthatyouimmediatelytransformintopositivenewactions.Thiskindofpressureisknownaseustressasopposedtodistress.Eustresscanbea driving, positive force that pushes you forward to constantly increase thequality of your life for yourself and all those youhave the privilege to touch.Ponderit;useittospuryouforward.Manypeopletrytoavoidpressure,yettheabsenceofany tensionorpressureusuallycreatesa senseofboredomand thelacklusterexperienceoflifethatsomanypeoplecomplainabout.Intruth,whenwefeelexcited,wefeelasenseofpressureortensionwithinourselves.However,thelevelofstressisnotoverwhelming,butratherstimulating.Thereisadifferencebetweenbeingstressedoutandbeingthemasterofstress.Use stress (eustress) to drive you in the direction you desire; it can generatetremendoustransformationwithinyou.Bylearningtoutilizepressureandmakeityourfriendinsteadofyourfoe,youcantrulyhoneitintoatoolthatassistsyouinlivinglifetothefullest.Besides,weneedtorememberthatourstresslevelisselfinduced.Solet'sinduceitintelligently.Oneofthesimplestwaysyoucanusepressureasyourallyistoenlistthepeopleyou respect as you commit to achieve your goals. By publicly declaring thatyou'lldowhatever it takes toachieveyourdeepestand truestdesires,youwillfinditmoredifficulttostrayfromyourpathwhenfrustrationorchallengesetin.Often when you become tired or uncertain, and you begin to feel like thingsaren'tworkingout,memoriesofyourpublicannouncementmaykeepyougoing,oryourfriendswillassistyoubyholdingyoutoahigherstandard.Youmayfindthis a useful tool to help you continue on the road even when it gets a littlebumpy.FAILINGTOACHIEVEYOURGOALCANMEANACHIEVINGYOUR

REALGOALSYearsago,afriendapproachedmeandtalkedaboutafantasyhehadofliving

onan islandparadise inFiji. Ihadheard thedreammany timesand loved theconceptinprinciple.ButIwasapracticalman:gettinganislandparadiseinFijiwas purely an opportunity for investment, and I justified tomyself that if the

world ever went through some cataclysm, it would be a great place for myfamilytoescapeto.SoIscheduleda"businesstrip/vacation,"andarrangedtogowithBecky toexamineseveralproperties in the islands toassesswhether theymightbeaviableinvestment.Ittookusacoupleofdaystostartlettinggoofthehecticagendaswe'dbroughtwithus.Butnothingwasgoingtostopusfromachievingourgoalofpurchasingsomerawland.Wewereonamissiontofindasoundinvestment,sowedecidedto charter a plane and explore the remote outer islands of Fiji in search of asterlingopportunity.We spent an adventurous day, landing in several places including the "BlueLagoon"(fromthefilmofthesamename)beforefinallylandingonasecludedbeach in the northern group of islands.We rented the only car available anddroveupacoconut-strewndirt roadknownas the"HibiscusHighway" for thenextthreehours.Then, inwhat seemed like themiddleof nowhere, on the sideof the roadwespottedalittleFijiangirlwithunusualredhair thatstuckstraightoutfromherhead.BeckyandIweredelightedandwantedtotakeherpicture,butalsowantedtobe respectful toher.Sowe searched forherparents to ask their permissionbeforedoingso,Aswebegantolookforherhome,wespottedatinyvillageontheedgeofthesea.Asweapproached,severalvillagersspottedus,andalargeFijianmancamerunning in our direction.With a huge smile he greeted us, not in some tribaltongue,butintheQueen'sEnglish."Hi,mynameisJoe,"hesaidinaboomingvoice."Pleasecomejoinusforsomekava."Asweenteredthevillage,weweregreeted bywhat seemed like endless smiles and laughter. Iwas invited into alarge hut filled with thirty Fijian men to participate in a kava ceremony, andBeckywasinvitedtostayoutsideandtalkwiththewomenaswastraditionalintheirculture.I was bowled over by the enthusiasm of these people. Their unbridledcheerfulness was amazing. Inside the hut, the Fijianmen were all smiling sobrightly, so happy to have a visitor, and theywelcomedmewith "Bula, bula,bula!",whichroughlytranslatedmeans,"Welcome,behappy,weloveyou!"Themenhadbeen soakingyanggona (akindofpeppery root) in abowl of water for several hours, and were proudly stirring and ladling out anonalcoholicdrinktheycalledkava(whatlookedtomelikemuddywater).Theyinvitedme todrink fromahalf-coconut shell, andas Ipartookof thekava (ittastedaboutasgoodasitlooked),themenlaughedandjokedwithmeandoneanother.Afteronlyafewmomentsofbeingwiththesepeople,IbegantofeelasenseofpeacethatIhadneverexperiencedbefore.

Marveling at their sense of fun and playfulness, I asked them, "What do youthinkisthepurposeoflife?"TheylookedatmeasifI'dcrackedacosmicjokeand said, seemingly inunison, "Tobehappy,of course.What else is there?" Isaid, "It's true: you all seem so happy here in Fiji."Oneman replied, "Yes, IthinkthathereinFijiwearethehappiestpeopleonearth...Ofcourse,I'veneverbeenanywhereelse!"whichsetoffanotherroundofraucouslaughter.ThentheydecidedtobreaktheirownrulesandbringBeckyintothehut.Theybrought over the only kerosene lamp in the village, along with ukuleles andmandolins,andprettysoontheburewasfilledwiththeentirevillageasthemen,women,andchildrensangtousinbeautifulfour-partFijianharmony.Itwasoneof the most powerful and deeply moving experiences of our lives. The mostincrediblethingaboutthesepeopleisthattheywantednothingfromusexcepttosharethebountifulhappinesstheyfeltforlife.Many hours later and after long farewellwishes,we left the village renewed,withadeepsenseofpeaceandbalanceinourlives.Wereturnedafterdarkthatevening to amagical resortwith a heightened awareness andgratitude for thebeauty around us.Herewewere, in this regal setting, inside our private littlethatched-roofcottageperchedatopalavapinnacle,surroundedbylushgreeneryandmoonlitcoconutpalmswiththesoundsofthegentlylappingwavesoutsideourdoor.We'dhadanincredibleday,andfeltour livesdeeplyenrichedbythepeopleof thissmallvillage.Werealizedthatwehadnotachievedourgoalfortheday,butbypursuingit,we'dcomeacrossanevengreatergift,agiftofvaluebeyondcompare.We've returned to Fiji three or four times a year for over six years now.Weexpectedtoachieveourgoalofpurchasingtheultimateinvestmentonourfirsttrip,butittookroughlytwentytripstoFijitofinallymakeapurchase—notjustasaninvestment,butasanopportunitytosharethejoyofFijiwithourfriends.Insteadofbuyingrawland,twoyearsagowepurchasedNamale, theexquisiteplantation resort atwhichwe stayed on our first trip!Wewanted to take thisplace ofmagic—121 acres and threemiles of beach frontage—and enhance iteven more so we could share it with our friends and other special people.Owning Namale gives me the same joy that I get from conducting seminarswhereIwatchpeopletransformtheircapacitytoenjoylife.WhenpeoplearriveatNamale, thesametransformationoccurs,onlyIdon'thave todoanything!Igettojustsitbackandwatchwhilepeoplefrom allwalks of life, fromhoneymooners to retired couples to high-poweredCEOsburdened by the frenzied pace of big business, let loose and rediscoverwhat it's like tobea child again.Theyhappilydodge the fifteen feetof sprayshooting from the remarkable blowhole on the reef, play volleyball with the

locals,ridehorsebackdownthebeach,orparticipateinanativekavaceremony.Ilovetoseethewonderintheireyesastheydiscoveranotherworldunderthesea, or drink in a sunset that rivals those of their greatest fantasies, or theirsmilesthatreflectthespiritualconnectiontheyfeelwiththeFijianpeopleafteraSundaymorningchurchservice in thevillage. Inever realizedwhenIpursuedthegoalofan"investment"thatIwouldinsteadfindanenvironmentthatwouldcauseusalltorememberwhat'smostimportantinlife.It'snotjustgettingagoalthatmatters,butthequalityoflifeyouexperiencealongtheway.

LIVETHEDREAM

Manypeoplegothroughlifeputtingofftheirjoyandhappiness.Tothem,goalsettingmeansthat"someday,"aftertheyachievesomething,onlythenwilltheybeabletoenjoylifetothefullest.Thetruthisthatifwedecidetobehappynow,we'll automatically achievemore.While goals provide amagnificent directionand a way to focus, wemust constantly strive to live each day to its fullest,squeezing all the joywe can out of eachmoment. Instead ofmeasuring yoursuccess and failure in life by your ability to achieve an individualized andspecificgoal,rememberthatthedirectionwe'reheadingismoreimportantthanindividualresults.Ifwecontinuetoheadintherightdirection,wemaynotonlyachievethegoalswe'repursuingbutalotmore!Onemanwhose life I believe represents the power of a compelling future tochange one's abilities, and whose life also reminds us that not achieving ourintendedgoalmayactuallycauseustoachieveagreaterone,isthelateMichaelLandon.Whywasthismanbelovedbysomany?Herepresentedmanyofthehighestvalueswithinourculture:astrongsenseoffamily, doing the right thing, consistency and integrity, and persistence in thefaceofadversity,alongwithasenseofdeepcaringandlove.Thismanwhobrightenedsomanylivesbecameaculturalherothrougharatherindirectroute.Hegrewupinaphysicallyandemotionallyabusiveenvironmentwhere his parents fought constantly, his father being Jewish (and hatingCatholics) and his mother being a Catholic (who was also anti-Semitic). Hismother frequently staged melodramatic suicide attempts and often pursuedMichael to the local teenhangout,where she'd jumpoutof a taxi tobeathimwithacoathanger.Achronicbedwetterbythetimehereachedhighschool,Michaelwasafflictedwithuncontrollablefacial ticsandwasmakinginvoluntarygulpingsounds.Hewasskinnyandfilledwithfear.Thisdoesn'tsoundverymuchliketheconfident,self-assuredpatriarchoftheIngallsfamilyheportrayedonTV'sLittleHouseonthePrairie,doesit?Whatchangedhislife?Oneday, inhissophomoreyear inhighschool, thegymteacher took theclassout onto the football field to take a shot at throwing an old, rusty javelin.Michaelwasabouttohaveanexperiencethatwouldreshapehisviewofhimselfforever.Whenhisturncame,heapproachedthejavelinwiththesamefearandlackofconfidencewithwhichhehadapproachedeverythingelseinhislifeupuntilthen.

Butthatdayamiraclehappened.Michaelhurledthatjavelinforward,anditflewoutof the trackarea thirty feet farther thananyoneelsehadever thrown it. Inthat moment, Michael knew he had a future. As he was to say later in aninterviewwithLifemagazine,"On thatday, Ihad foundsomething Icoulddobetterthanotherpeople,somethingIcouldgrabonto.AndIgrabbed.Ibeggedthecoachtoletmetakethatjavelinhomeforthesummer,andheletme.AndIthrewitandthrewitandthrewit."Michael had found his compelling future, and he pursued it with a ferociousintensity. The results were absolutely amazing. By the time he returned fromsummer vacation, his bodyhadbegun to transform. In his sophomore year hebegandoingexercises tobuildhisupperbody.Andbyhis senioryear,hehadbrokentheU.S.recordforhighschoolstudentsinthejavelinthrow,winninganathletic scholarship to the University of Southern California. To put it in hiswords,the"mouse"had"becomealion."How'sthatforametaphor?Thestorydoesn'tendhere.PartofMichael'sstrengthemanatedfromabeliefhedevelopedbywatchingamovieaboutSamsonandDelilah.Hebelievedthat ifhe grewhis hair long, he'd become strong. Indeed, itworkedwhile hewas inhigh school. Unfortunately, his belief was in for a rude awakening when hearrivedatUSCinthecrew-cuteraofthefifties.Agroupofshort-hairedathletesslammed him to the ground and cut off his long, leonine locks. Even thoughintellectuallyheknewbetter,hisstrength immediatelydisappeared. In fact,hisjavelinthrowdroppedbymorethan30feet.Ashepushedhimselftomatchhispastperformances,heinjuredhimselfsobadlythathewasoutfortheyear,andtheathleticdepartmentmadeitsodifficultforhimhewascompelledtoleave.Inorder to support himself, he had to unload freight in amanufacturingplant. Itlooked as though his dream had died.Howwould he evermeet his vision ofbeinganinternationaltrackstar?Fortunately,onedayhewasspottedbyaHollywoodtalentagentwhoaskedhimto tryout for thepartofLittleJoeCartwright inwhatwouldbe the firstcolorwesternontelevision.Bonanza.Afterthat,therewasnolookingback.Michael'scareerasanactor,andeventuallyadirectorandproducer,waslaunched.Missinghisdreamhadgivenhimhisfuture.Butthepursuitofhisoriginalgoals,andthedirectiontheytookhim,sculptedbothhisphysicalbodyandhischaracter, twoof the elements of growth thatwere necessary to prepare him for his ultimatefuture. Sometimes we need to trust that our disappointments may truly beopportunitiesindisguise.

THEKEYTOACHIEVINGGOALS

Doesthismeanthatifyoupursueyourgoalsandmeetwithinitialfailureandfrustration,youshouldmoveonanddosomethingelse?Ofcoursenot.Nooneever achieved a goal by being interested in its achievement. One must becommitted. In fact, in studying the source of people's success, I've found thatpersistenceovershadowseventalentasthemostvaluedandeffectiveresourceincreatingandshapingthequalityoflife.Mostpeoplegiveupamaddeningfivefeetfromtheirgoal!Ibelievethatlifeisconstantlytestingusforourlevelofcommitment,andlife'sgreatest rewards are reserved for those who demonstrate a never-endingcommitmenttoactuntiltheyachieve.Thislevelofresolvecanmovemountains,butitmustbeconstantandconsistent.Assimplisticasthismaysound,itisstillthecommondenominatorseparatingthosewholivetheirdreamsfromthosewholiveinregret.I'mastudentofthosewhohavelearnedtotaketheinvisibleandmakeitvisible.That'swhyIrespectpoets,writers,actors,andentrepreneurs—peoplewhotakean idea andbring it to life.Oneof thepeople I believe is anoutstanding rolemodel of creativity and ever expanding personal growth and success is PeterGuber,thechairmanoftheboardandCEOofSonyPicturesEntertainmentInc.(formerlyknownasColumbiaPictures).Attheageof48Peterhasbecomeoneofthemostpowerfulandrespectedmeninthemotionpictureindustry.Heandhis partner, Jon Peters, have racked up a combined total of over 52AcademyAwardnominations.HisworkincludesfilmsfromMidnightExpresstoMissing,from Rain Man to Batman. In 1989 their joint company, Guber-PetersEntertainmentCompany,waspurchasedbySonyforover$200millioninorderto get the duo to take charge of the Columbia Pictures empire. How doessomeoneatsuchayoungageachievesuchimpactinanincrediblycompetitiveindustry?Theansweristhroughvisionandabsolute,never-endingpersistence.OnedayIhadtheprivilegeofreceivingaphonecallfromhimandfindingoutthat he was a great fan of my Personal Power™ audiotape program. Eachmorningasheworkedout,helistenedtomytapessothatashegothisbodyinshapehe could simultaneously get hismind in shape!Hewanted to thankmebecause he'd never made a purchase like this before from television, andcertainlyneverlistenedtotapessuchasthese.Asaresultofthisconversation,IgotachancetomeetPeteranddevelopafriendshipwithhim.Ihavefoundthatonekeyingredientofhisincrediblesuccessishisabilitynever

toletgooncehelocksontoagoal.Backin1979,heandIonPetershadboughtthe rights to produce Batman, but it wasn't until 1988 that they could beginproduction. Along the way, virtually everybody tried to kill the film. Studioexecutivessaidtherewasnomarketforit,andthattheonlypeoplewhowouldsee it were kids and comic book nuts (who became inflamed when MichaelKeaton was selected to play the powerhouse role of Batman). In spite ofcontinuousdisappointment,frustration,andconsiderablerisk,theteamofGuberandPetersmadeBatmanoneofthebiggestblockbustersofalltime,nettingthehighestopening-weekendrevenuesofanyfilmeverreleased.Proceedsfromthefilmandallancillaryproductsareestimatedtohaveproducedover$1billion!Another example ofGuber's persistencewasmaking the filmRainMan. Thisfilmshouldneverevenhave survived.Atvarious stagesof its completion, thescriptwas handled by fivewriters, and three directorswalked off the project,including Steven Spielberg. Some of themwanted Peter Guber to change thescriptbyaddingsomeaction,somemurders,oratleastsomesex.Theyarguedthatnoonewouldeverwatchafilmthatfeaturednothingbuttwoguyssittinginacarandtravelingacrossthecountry,especiallywhenonewas"retarded."ButPeterunderstandsthepowerofemotion;heconsistentlychoosestoproducemoviesthatmovethehumanspirit.Heknowswhattouchespeople'ssouls,andhe refused tobudge, tellingeveryone that thiswasa filmabouta relationship,thatthisstoryoftwobrothersgettingtoknoweachotherwasalltheactionthefilmneeded,andthatRainManwouldinfactwinanOscar.Thebestmindstriedto convince himotherwise, includingSpielberg, but hewould not relent. Sureenough,the1988filmwentontogamerfourAcademyAwards,includingBestPicture,BestActor,BestDirector,andBestScreenplay.Persistencepays.Guberbelievesthatwitheverynewfilmyou'restartingover,thatinHollywoodyou'reonlyasgoodasyourlastfilm.Doesn'tthiscreatealotoffear?Youbet!Buthesaysheuseshisfearandthestressoftheenvironmentnottoparalyze,butrathertopropelhimselfforward.Toooftenpeopleneverevenbegintopursueagoaloutoftheirfearthatthey'llfail.Orworse,theystartpursuingagoal,thengiveuptoosoon.Theymayhavebeenontracktoachievewhattheywant,buttheyfailtomaintainthepatienceofthestonecutter.Becausethey'renotgettingimmediatefeedback,theygiveupfartoosoon.Ifthere'sanyoneskillthatI'veseeninchampions—peoplewhohavereally achieved their highest desires—it's an unbelievable level of persistence.They'llchangetheirapproachasnecessary,buttheywon'tabandontheirultimatevision.UNLEASHTHEPOWEROFTHERETICULARACTIVATINGSYSTEM

TOACHIEVEYOURGOALSWhatisthepowerthataPeterGuberoraMichaelLandontapsinto?Whatis

this seemingly extrasensory perception they have to notice anything andeverythingthatrelatestotheirgoalorcanbeusedtoachievetheirheart'sdesire?Ibelievethatineachcase,theseindividualshavelearnedtouseamechanismintheirbrainsknownastheReticularActivatingSystem.It sounds complex, and undoubtedly the actual process is, but the function ofyourRASissimpleandprofound:itdetermineswhatyouwillnoticeandwhatyouwillpayattentionto.Itisthescreeningdeviceofyourmind.Rememberthatyourconsciousmindcanfocusonlyonalimitednumberofelementsatanyonetime,soyourbrainexpendsalotofeffortdecidingwhatnottopayattentionto.There are countless stimuli bombarding you right now, but your brain deletesmostofitandfocusesonwhatyoubelieveisimportant.ItsmechanismforachievingthisistheRAS.ThusyourRASisdirectlyresponsibleforhowmuchofrealityyouconsciouslyexperience.Letmeofferyouanexample.Haveyoueverboughtanewoutfitorcar,andthensuddenly noticed it everywhere you looked?Whywas that? Didn't they existbefore? Yes, of course they did, but you're noticing them now because yourpurchase of this item was a clear demonstration to your RAS that anythingrelated to this object is now significant and needs to be noted. You have animmediateandheightenedawarenessofsomethingthatactuallyhasalwaysbeenaroundyou.Thisshiftinmentalposturealignsyoumorepreciselywithyourgoals.Onceyoudecide thatsomething isapriority,yougive it tremendousemotional intensity,andbycontinuallyfocusingonit,anyresourcethatsupportsitsattainmentwilleventually become clear. Therefore, it's not crucial to understand exactly howyou'llachieveyourgoalswhenyoufirstsetthem.TrustthatyourRASwillpointoutwhatyouneedtoknowalongtheway."Climbhigh;Climbfar.Yourgoalthesky;Youraimthestar."

INSCRIPTIONATWILLIAMSCOLLEGEEightyearsago,in1983,Ididanexercisethatcreatedafuturesocompelling

thatmywholelifechangedasaresult.Aspanoftheoverallprocessofraisingmystandards,Iestablishedawholenewsetofgoals,writingdownallthethingsIwouldno longersettle for,aswellaswhatIwascommitted tohaving inmylife. I set aside all my limiting beliefs and sat down on the beach with myjournal.Iwrotecontinuouslyforthreehours,brainstormingeverypossibilityofwhat I could ever imagine doing, being, having, creating, experiencing, or

contributing.ThetimelineIgavemyselfforachievingthesegoalswasanytimefromtomorrowtothenexttwentyyears.IneverstoppedtothinkwhetherIcouldactually achieve these goals or not. I simply captured any possibility thatinspiredme,andwroteitdown.Fromthatbeginning,Irefinedtheprocesssixmonths laterwhenIwasinvitedalong with a group of parapsychologists to the USSR to study psychicphenomena directly from university experts throughout Russia. As my grouptraveled the country, I spentmanyhourson the train fromMoscow toSiberiaandbacktoLeningrad.WithnothingtowriteonbutthebackofanoldRussianmap,Iwrotedownallmylong-termgoalsformyspiritual,mental,emotional,physical,andfinancialdestinies,andthen created a series of milestones for each one, working backward. Forexample,inordertoachievemytopspiritualgoaltenyearsfromnow,whatkindofpersonwould Ihave tobe,andwhat thingswould Ineed toaccomplishbynineyears fromnow,eightyears,sevenyears,andsoon, reachingall thewaybackuntiltoday?WhatspecificactioncouldItaketodaythatwouldleadmeonthatroadtothedestinyofmychoice?Onthatday,Isetspecificgoalsthattransformedmylife.Idescribedthewomanof my dreams, detailing what she would be like mentally, emotionally,physically,spiritually.Idescribedwhatmykidswouldbelike,thehugeincomethatIwouldenjoy,andthehomethatIwouldlive in, includingthe third-storycircularofficeareathatwouldoverlooktheocean.Ayearandahalf later.Lifemagazinewas inmyhome, interviewingmeas tohowIhadmadesuchincredibleshiftsinmylife.WhenIpulledoutmymaptoshowthemallthegoalsIhadwrittendown,itwasamazingtoseehowmanyI'dachieved. I hadmet thewoman I described, andmarriedher. I had found andpurchasedthehomeI'denvisioned,downtothefinestdetail,includingthethird-storyofficeintheturretofthecastle,overlookingtheocean.WhenIwrotethemdown initially, I had no assurances whatsoever that these goals could beachieved.ButIhadbeenwillingtosuspendjudgmentforashortperiodoftimeinordertomakeitwork.TAKEYOURFIRSTSTEPNOW!Whatwearegoingtodonowistakethefirststepinturningtheinvisibleinto

thevisible, inmakingyourdreamsa reality.By the timeweare finished,youwill have created foryourself an anticipation sogreat, a future so compelling,thatyoucan'thelpbuttakethefirststepstoday.We'llbecoveringfourareas:1)Personaldevelopmentgoals,2)Career/business/economicgoals,

3)Toys/adventuregoals,and4)Contributiongoals.Foreachoftheseyou'llhaveasetperiodoftimeinwhichtobrainstorm.Writerapidly—keep your penmoving, don't censor yourself, just get it all down onpaper.Constantlyaskyourself,whatwouldIwantformylifeifIknewIcouldhave it anyway Iwanted it?Whatwould I go for if I knew I could not fail?Suspendtheneedtoknowpreciselyhow.Justdiscoverwhatitisyoutrulywant.Dothiswithoutquestioningordoubtingyourcapability.Remember,ifyougetinspiredenough,thepoweryou'llunleashfromwithinwillfindawaytomanifestyourdesire.Also,initially,don'twastetimegettingoverlyspecific with things like, "I want a split-level house on Nob Hill, in SanFrancisco,withall-white,contemporaryfurnitureandasplashofcolorhereandthere—oh,anddon'tforgettheVictorianrosegarden."Justwrite,"Dreamhouse.Biggarden.SanFrancisco."You'llfillinthedetailslater.So right now, put yourself in a state of mind of absolute faith and totalexpectationthatyoucancreateanythingyouwant.I'd likeyoutoimaginethatyouareakidagainonChristmasEve.You'reinadepartmentstore,abouttositonSanta'slap.Doyourememberwhatthiswaslike?IfyoutalktokidsbeforeChristmas, they have no trouble at all coming upwith a fun, outrageous list;they'llsay,"I'lltellyouwhatIwant.Iwantaswimmingpool.Infact,Iwanttwoswimmingpools:oneforyou,andoneforme!"Anadultwouldprobablyturntothemand say, "What?You'll be lucky toget a tub in thebackyard!"We'll getpracticallater,butfornow,thepointistobeakid:giveyourselfthefreedomtoexplorethepossibilityoflifewithoutlimits.I.PersonalDevelopmentGoalsStep1:Onthechartprovided(oronadditionalsheetsofpaperwhenyouneed

more room)writedowneverything thatyou'd like to improve inyour life thatrelates to your own personal growth. How would you like to improve yourphysical body?What are your goals for yourmental and social development?Would you like to learn, for example, to speak another language? Become aspeed reader? Would there be value in reading all of Shakespeare's works?Emotionally,whatwouldyouliketoexperience,achieve,ormasterinyourlife?Maybeyouwanttobeabletoinstantlybreakpatternsoffrustrationorrejection.Maybe you want to feel compassion for those people you used to feel angertoward.What are someof your spiritual goals?Doyouwant to feel a greatersense of connection with your Creator? Or have an expanded feeling ofcompassionforyourneighbor?Thekeyinwritingthesegoalsistowritedowneverythingandanythingyoucan

imagine without letting your mind stop. They can be short-term goals—something youwant to accomplish thisweek, this year—or they can be long-termgoals, somethingyouwant to accomplishany timebetweennowand thenexttwentyyears.Brainstormforaminimumoffiveminutes.Don'tstopwritingatanytime.Besilly,becrazy,beakid—sometimesaweirdidealeadstoagreatdestiny!Hereareafewquestionsyoumaywanttoreviewjustbeforebeginning,butafteryoureviewthem,gotoworkandbeginyourgoalsettingrightnow!Whatwouldyouliketoleam?

Whataresomeskillsyouwanttomasterinyourlifetime?Whataresomecharactertraitsyou'dliketodevelop?Whodoyouwantyourfriendstobe?Whodoyouwanttobe?Whatcouldyoudoforyourphysicalwell-being?

Getamassageeveryweek?Everyday?Createthebodyofyourdreams?Joinagym—andactuallyuseit?Hireavegetarianchef?CompletetheIronManTriathloninHonolulu?Wouldyouliketoconqueryourfearofflying?

Orofpublicspeaking?Orofswimming?Whatwouldyouwanttolearn?

TospeakFrench?StudytheDeadSeaScrolls?Danceand/orsing?StudywithviolinvirtuosoItzhakPerlman?Whoelsewouldyouliketostudywith?Wouldyouliketotakeinaforeignexchangestudent?Step2:Nowthatyou'vegotalistofgoalsforyourpersonaldevelopmentthat

you can get excited about, take aminute now to give a time line to each andeveryoneofthese.Atthisstage,it'snotimportanttoknowhowyou'regoingtoaccomplishthesegoals.Justgiveyourselfatimeframefromwhichtooperate.Remember that goals are dreamswith a deadline. The simple act of decidingwhenyou'llachieveagoalsets inmotionconsciousandunconsciousforces tomakeyourgoalsareality.Soifyou'recommittedtoaccomplishingagoalwithinoneyearorless,puta1nexttoit.Ifyou'recommittedtoaccomplishingitwithinthreeyears,puta3nexttoit,andsoonforfive,ten,andtwentyyears.

Step3:Nowchooseyoursinglemostimportantone-yeargoalinthiscategory—agoal that, ifyouwere toaccomplish it thisyear,wouldgiveyou tremendousexcitementandmakeyoufeelthattheyearwaswellinvested.Taketwominutestowriteaparagraphaboutwhyyouareabsolutelycommittedtoachievingthisgoalwithin the year.Why is this compelling for you?Whatwill you gain byachieving it?Whatwould youmiss out on if you didn't achieve it?Are thesereasonsstrongenoughtogetyoutoactuallyfollowthrough?Ifnot,eithercomeup with a better goal or better reasons. Themost important distinction that ImadeaboutgoalsyearsagowasthatifIhadabigenoughwhytodosomething—astrongenoughsetofreasons—Icouldalwaysfigureouthowtoachieveit.Goalsalonecaninspire,butknowingthedeepestreasonswhyyouwanttheminthe first place can provide you with the long-lasting drive and motivationnecessarytopersistandachieve.II.Career/Business/EconomicGoalsThenextstepissettingyourcareer/business/economicgoals.

Step1:Writedownanythingyouwantforyourcareer,business,orfinanciallife.Whatlevelsoffinancialabundancedoyouwanttoachieve?Towhatpositiondoyouwanttorise?Takefiveminutesnowtocreatealistthat'sworthamillion!Doyouwanttoearn:$50,000ayear?$100,000ayear?$500,000ayear?$1millionayear?$10millionayear?Somuchthatyoucan'tpossiblycountit?Whatgoalsdoyouhaveforyourcompany?

Wouldyouliketotakeyourcompanypublic?Wouldyouliketobecometheleaderinyourindustry?Whatdoyouwantyournetworthtobe?

Whendoyouwanttoretire?Howmuchinvestmentincomewouldyouliketohavesoyounolongerhavetowork?Bywhatagedoyouwanttoachievefinancialindependence?Whatareyourmoneymanagementgoals?Doyouneedto:

Balanceyourbudget?Balanceyourcheckbook?Getafinancialcoach?

Whatinvestmentswouldyoumake?Wouldyou:Financeanexcitingstart-upbusiness?Buyavintagecoincollection?Startadiaperdeliveryservice?Investinamutualfund?Setupalivingtrust?CContributetoapensionplan?Howmuchdoyouwanttosavetowardgivingyourkidsacollegeeducation?

Howmuchdoyouwanttobeabletospendontravelandadventure?Howmuchdoyouwanttobeabletospendonnew"toys'?Whatareyourcareergoals?

Whatwouldyouliketocontributetoyourcompany?Whatbreakthroughswouldyouliketocreate?Wouldyouliketobecomeasupervisor?Amanager?ACEO?Whatwouldyouliketobeknownforwithinyourprofession?Whatkindofimpactdoyouwanttohave?Step 2: Now that you've written down all your most compelling career,

business,andeconomicgoals,takeaminutetogiveatimelinetoeachone,asyou did with your personal development goals. If you're committed toaccomplishing that goal in thenext year or less,write a 1 next to it. If you'recommitted to achieving it within the next five years, write a 5, and so on.Remember,whatmattersisnotwhetheryouknowhowyouwillattainthatgoal,orwhetherthetimelineisreasonable,butwhetheryouareabsolutelycommittedtoattainingit.Step 3: Next, choose your top one-year goal in the category of business andeconomics,andtaketwominutestowriteaparagraphaboutit,explainingwhyyouareabsolutelycommittedtoachievingthisgoalwithintheyear.Besuretostackupasmanyreasonsasyoucanforachieving thisgoal.Pickreasons thatwill really driveyou, thatmakeyoupassionate and excited about theprocess.Again, if these reasons aren't compelling enough toget you to actually followthrough,thencomeupwitheitherbetterreasonsorabettergoal.III.Toys/AdventureGoalsIftherewerenolimitseconomically,whataresomeofthethingsyouwould

like to have?What are someof the things youwould like to do? If the geniewerebeforeyouandanywishyoumadewould immediatelybefulfilled,whatwouldyouwantmostintheworld?Step1:Takefiveminutestowritedowneverythingyoucouldeverwant,have,

doorexperienceinyourlife.Herearesomequestionstogetyougoing:Wouldyouliketobuild,create,orpurchasea:Cottage?Castle?Beachhouse?Catamaransailboat?Privateyacht?Island?Lamborghinisportscar?Chanelwardrobe?Helicopter?Jetplane?Musicstudio?Artcollection?Privatezoostockedwithgiraffes,alligators,andhippos?VirtualRealitymachine?Wouldyouliketoattend:AnopeningofaBroadwayplay?AfilmpremiereinCannes?ABruceSpringsteenconcert?AKabukitheaterproductioninOsaka,Japan?Wouldyouliketo:

RaceanyoftheAndrettisatthenextIndy500?PlayMonicaSelesandSteffiGraf,orBorisBeckerandIvanLendl,inadoublesmatch?PitchtheWorldSeries?CarrytheOlympictorch?Goone-on-onewithMichaelJordan?SwimwiththepinkdolphinsintheoceansofPeru?RacecamelsbetweenthepyramidsofEgyptwithyourbestfriend?Andwin?TrekwiththeSherpasintheHimalayas?Wouldyouliketo:StarinaBroadwayplay?Shareanon-screenkisswithKimBasinger?DirtydancewithPatrickSwayze?ChoreographamodemballetwithMikhailBaryshnikov?Whatexoticplaceswouldyouvisit?Wouldyou:

SailaroundtheworldlikeThorHeyerdahlintheKon-Tifei?VisitTanzaniaandstudychimpanzeeswithJaneGoodall?SailontheCalypsowithJacquesCousteau?LoungeonthesandsoftheFrenchRiviera?SailayachtaroundtheGreekIsles?ParticipateintheDragonFestivalsinChina?TakepartinashadowdanceinBangkok?ScubadiveinFiji?MeditateinaBuddhistmonastery?TakeastrollthroughthePradoinMadrid?Bookarideonthenextspaceshuttleflight?Steps2and3:Again,giveatimelinetoeachone,chooseyourtopone-year

goalinthiscategory,andtaketwominutestowriteaparagraphexplainingwhyyouareabsolutelycommittedtoachievingitwithin thenextyear.Back itupwithstrong reasons,and,ofcourse, if thesereasons aren't compelling enough to get you to actually follow through, thencomeupwitheitherbetterreasonsorabettergoal.IV.ContributionGoalsThesecanbethemostinspiring,compellinggoalsofall,becausethisisyour

opportunitytoleaveyourmark,creatingalegacythatmakesatruedifferenceinpeople's lives. It could be something as simple as tithing to your church orcommittingyourhouseholdtoarecyclingprogram,orasbroadassettingupafoundationtoofferopportunitiestodisadvantagedpeople.Step1:Takefiveminutestobrainstormoutallthepossibilities.Howcouldyoucontribute?Wouldyou:Helpbuildashelterforthehomeless?Adoptachild?Volunteeratasoupkitchen?Readtotheblind?Visitamanorwomanservingaprisonsentence?VolunteerwiththePeaceCorpsforsixmonths?Takeballoonstoanoldfolks'home?Howcouldyouhelpto:Protecttheozonelayer?Cleanuptheoceans?Eliminateracialdiscrimination?Haltthedestructionoftherainforests?Whatcouldyoucreate?Wouldyou:

Comeupwithaperpetualmotionmachine?Developacarthatrunsongarbage?Designasystemfordistributingfoodtoallwhohunger?Steps2 and3:Asbefore, give eachgoal a time line, selectyour topone-yeargoalinthiscategory,andtaketwominutestowriteaparagraphexplainingwhyyouareabsolutelycommittedtoachievingitwithinthenextyear."There is nothing like dream to create the future. Utopia today, flesh and

bloodtomorrow."VICTORHUGONowyou shouldhave fourmaster one-yeargoals that absolutely excite and

inspireyou,withsound,compellingreasonsbehindthem.Howwouldyoufeelifinoneyearyouhadmasteredandattainedthemall?Howwouldyoufeelaboutyourself? How would you feel about your life? I can't stress enough theimportanceofdevelopingstrongenoughreasonstoachievethesegoals.Havingapowerfulenoughwhywillprovideyouwiththenecessaryhow.Makesurethatyou look at these four goals daily. Put themwhere you'll see them every day,eitherinyourjournal,onyourdeskattheoffice,oroveryourbathroommirrorwhile you're shaving or putting onmakeup. If you back your goals upwith asolidcommitmenttoCANI!,toconstantandnever-endingimprovementofeachoftheseareas,thenyou're sure tomakeprogress daily.Make the decisionnow to begin to followthroughonthesegoals,beginningimmediately.HOWTOMAKEYOURGOALSREALNow thatyouhavea setof compellinggoals andclear-cut reasons for their

achievement,theprocessformakingthegoalsrealhasalreadybegun.YourRASwillbecomesensitizedasyouconsistently reviewyourgoalsand reasons,andwillattracttoyouanyresourceofvaluetowardtheachievementofyourclearlydefined desire. To ensure the absolute attainment of your goals, you mustconditionyournervous system inadvance to feel thepleasure theywill surelybring. Inotherwords, at least twiceaday,youmust rehearseandemotionallyenjoytheexperienceofachievingeachoneofyourmostvaluedgoals.Eachtimeyoudo this, youneed to createmore emotional joy as you see, feel, andhearyourselflivingyourdream.Thiscontinuousfocuswillcreateaneuralpathwaybetweenwhereyouareandwhereyouwanttogo.Becauseofthisintenseconditioningyou'llfindyourselffeeling a sense of absolute certainty that you'll achieve your desires, and thiscertaintywill translate into aqualityof action that ensuresyour success.Your

confidencewillallowyoutoattracttheappropriatecoachesandrolemodelswhowill guide you in taking themost effective actions to produce results quicklyratherthanthetraditionaltrial-and-errormethodthatcantakedecadesormore.Don'twaitanotherdaytobeginthisprocess.Starttoday!

THEPURPOSEOFTHEGOAL

Often as we pursue our goals we fail to realize their true impact on theenvironmentaroundus.Wethink thatachievingourgoal is theend.But ifwehadagreaterunderstandingwe'drealizethatofteninthepursuitofourgoals,wesetinmotionprocessionaleffectsthathaveconsequencesevenmorefarreachingthan we ever intended. After all, does the honeybee deliberate on how topropagateflowers?Ofcoursenot,butintheprocessofseekingthesweetnectarfromtheflowers,abeewillinvariablypickuppollenonitslegs,flytothenextflower,andsetinmotionachainofpollinationthatwillresultinahillsideawashin color.The businessmanpursues profit, and in so doing can create jobs thatoffer people a chance for incredible personal growth and an increase in thequalityoflife.Theprocessofearningalivelihoodenablespeopletomeetsuchgoals as putting their kids through college. Children in turn contribute bybecomingdoctors,lawyers,artists,businessmen,scientists,andparents.Thechainisneverending.Goals are ameans to an end, not the ultimate purpose of our lives. They aresimply a tool to concentrate our focus and move us in a direction. The onlyreason we really pursue goals is to cause ourselves to expand and grow.Achievinggoalsby themselveswillnevermakeushappyin the longterm; it'swho you become, as you overcome the obstacles necessary to achieve yourgoals, thatcangiveyouthedeepestandmost long-lastingsenseoffulfillment.SomaybethekeyquestionyouandIneedtoaskis,"WhatkindofpersonwillIhave to become in order to achieve all that I want?" This may be the mostimportantquestion thatyoucanaskyourself, for itsanswerwilldetermine thedirectionyouneedtoheadpersonally.Please take amoment now, andwrite a paragraph describing all the charactertraits, skills, abilities, attitudes, and beliefs that youwould need to develop inordertoachieveallofthegoalsyou'vewrittendownpreviously.Certainlyyou'llhave to takeaction toachieve thosegoals.Butwhatqualitieswillyouneed tohave as a person in order to turn this invisible set of commitments into yourvisible reality? Before going on, take a moment right now and write thisparagraph.THEKINDOFPERSONINEEDTOBECOMEINORDERTOACHIEVE

ALLTHATIWANT:

THEMOSTIMPORTANTSTEP

For years I had set goals and not followed through. I'd get inspired in themoment,get allpumpedup,but threeweeks later Inoticed Iwasn't followingthroughonanythingI'dwrittendown.Writingagoal iscertainlythefirststep,andmostpeopledon'tevendothat;justtheactionofcommittingyourideastopaperbeginstomakethemmorereal.Butthemostimportantthingyoucandoto achieve your goals is to make sure that as soon as you set them, youimmediately begin to createmomentum. Themost important rules that I everadopted to help me in achieving my goals were those I learned from a verysuccessfulmanwho taughtme to firstwritedown thegoal, and then toneverleavethesiteofsettingagoalwithoutfirsttakingsomeformofpositiveactiontowarditsattainment.AsIemphasizedinChapter2,atruedecisionisonethatyouactupon,andonethatyouactuponnow.Use themomentumyou'vebuiltup incomingupwithyourtopfourone-yeargoals.Themostpowerfulwaytocontinuethismomentumistotakeimmediateactionassoonasyoufinishthischapter.Eventhesmalleststep—aphonecall,acommitment,sketchingoutaninitialplan—willmoveyouforward.Thendevelopalistofsimplethingsyoucandoeverydayforthenexttendays.Icanpromiseyouthattendaysofsmallactionsinthedirectionofyourgoalswillbegintocreateachainofhabitsthatwillensureyourlong-termsuccess.Ifyournumber-onepersonaldevelopmentgoalforthenextyearistolearnjazzdancing, for instance, "let your fingers do the walking" through those yellowpagestoday.Callthedancestudioforaschedule,andenrollinaclass.Ifyour top toy/adventuregoal for thenextyear is aMercedes-Benz, callyourlocaldealershipforabrochure,orvisitthemthisafternoonandtakeatestdrive.I'mnotsayingthatyouneedtobuyittoday,butatleastfindoutwhatitcostsordriveitsothatitbecomesmorereal.Yourintensifieddesirewillhelpyoutostartputtingtogetheraplan.If your top economic goal for the next year is to earn $100,000, then startevaluating nowwhat steps youmust take.Who's already earning this kind ofincomewhocanteachyouthekeystotheireffectiveness?Doyouneedtogetasecondjobinordertoearnthiskindofincome?Whatskillsdoyouneedtohonein order to achieve it?Do you need to start savingmore than you spend, andinvest the difference so that your income can flow frommore than just yourwork?Doyouneedtostartanewventure?Whatresourcesdoyoureallyneedto

gather?Remember,youneed to experience the feelingof achievingyour topone-yeargoals in each of the four categories at least once a day. Ideally, you'll look atthemonce in themorningandonceatnight.Reviewyourentire list every sixmonths to ensure that your goals stay vital. Youmaywant to go through thebrainstorming process again in order to create some new goals, and I'm sureyou'llwanttoaddanddeletegoalsasyourlifetakesonexcitingnewshape.An additional distinction that's critical for long-term success is that achievingourgoalscanbeacurseunlesswehavealreadysetupanewsetofhighergoalsbeforewereachthefirst.Assoonasyoufindyourselfabouttoachieveagoal,you need to make sure that you design the next set of goals immediately.Otherwise you'll experience something we all need to avoid: outrunning ourdream.Howmanytimeshavewereadaboutpeoplewhoachievetheirultimatelifegoalsonlytosay,"Isthatallthereis?"becausetheyfeeltheyhavenoplacetogofromthetop?AclassicexampleofthisisseveralApolloastronautswhopreparedtheirentirelivesfortheultimatemission:tolandonthemoon.Whentheyfinallydidittheywereeuphoric,butafter returning toearth, someof themdevelopeda levelofemotionaldepressionbeyondwhatmostpeoplecould imagine.After all, therewasnownothingtolookforwardto.Whatcouldbeabiggergoalthanmakingittothemoon,doingtheimpossible,andexploringouterspace?Maybetheansweris in exploring the equallyuncharted frontierof inner spaceofourminds, ourhearts,andoursouls.I'veheardaboutyoungwomenwhoplantheirweddingsformonths,sometimesyears,pouringalloftheircreativity,resources,andevenidentity,intoaperfectfairytalefantasy.Theypinalltheirhopesanddreamsonwhattheyexpectwillbea once-in-a-lifetime event.After the glowwears off, the young bride, like theastronaut,feelsletdown.Howdoyoufollowupthepeakmomentofyourlife?She needs to look forward to the more important, never-ending adventure ofbuildingarelationship.How do people achieve their heart's desire and still feel the excitement andpassion that come fromaiming toward agoal?As they approachwhat they'vepursuedforsolong, theyimmediatelyestablishanewsetofcompellinggoals.This guarantees a smooth transition from completion to new inspiration and acontinuedcommitmenttogrowth.Without thatcommitment,we'lldowhat'snecessary tofeelsatisfied,butneverventureoutsideourcomfortzones.That'swhenweloseourdrive:weloseourdesire to expand, and we begin to stagnate. Often people die emotional andspiritualdeathslongbeforetheyeverleavetheirphysical

bodies.Thewaytobreakoutof this trap is torealize thatcontributionmaybetheultimategoal.Findingawaytohelpothers—thosewecareaboutdeeply—caninspireusforalifetime.Thereisalwaysaplaceintheworldforthosewhoarewillingtogiveoftheirtime,energy,capital,creativity,andcommitment.ConsiderRobinWilliams,forexample.HereisamanwhohasagreatadvantageoverhislatefriendJohnBelushibecausehehasdiscoveredawaytomakesurehenever runsoutofgoals.Robinandhis friends,WhoopiGoldbergandBillyCrystal,havefoundamission thatwillcontinually tap theirgreatest resources:helping the homeless. Arnold Schwarzenegger has found a similar emotionalrewardinhisrelationshipwiththeSpecialOlympicsandthePresident'sCouncilonPhysicalFitness.Allthesesuccessfulpeoplehavelearnedthatthere'snothingquitesocompellingasafeelingofsincerecontribution.Make sure your next level of dreams will continually pull you forward in aconstant,never-endingsearchforimprovement.AcommitmenttoCANI!istrulythe universal insurance policy for lifelong happiness. Remember that acompellingfutureisthefoodonwhichoursoulsthrive—weallneedacontinuedsenseofemotionalandspiritualgrowth.

PROGRAMYOURSELFFORSUCCESS

Nowthatyouhavegoals that truly inspireyou, thatwilldriveyou forward,you've got to make them so compelling that they feel real in your nervoussystem.Howdoyoudevelopthatironcladsenseofcertainty?First,clearawayany roadblocksby figuringout up frontwhat couldpossiblyprevent you, anddeal with them now rather than fifty miles down the road. Then, makecommitments to people you know will hold you to your higher standard.Reinforce your new neural pathways by continuous rehearsal, with repetitionandemotionalintensity.Imagineyourgoalsvividlyagainandagain.Incorporatethevisual,auditory,andkinestheticelementsthatwillmakeyourgoalareality!

THEULTIMATELESSON

Themostimportantlessoninthischapteristhatacompellingfuturecreatesadynamic sense of growth. Without this, we're only half alive. A compellingfutureisnotanaccessory,butanecessity.Itallowsusnotonlytoachieve,buttopartakeofthedeepsenseofjoy,contribution,andgrowththatgivesmeaningtolifeitself."Wherethereisnovision,thepeopleperish...."

PROVERBS,29:18I remember reading about the astounding number of people in this country

whodiewithin threeyearsof retiring,whichproves tome that ifyou lose thesensethatyouareproducingorcontributinginsomeway,youliterallylosethewilltolive,andthatifyoudohaveareasontohangon,youwill.Infact,studieshavefoundthatelderlyorillpeoplewhoareclosetodeathoftenhangonuntiljust after the holidays.As long as they had something likeChristmas and thefamilyvisittolookforwardto,theyhadareasontolive,butafteritpassed,theyhadnocompellingfuture.Thisphenomenonisn'ttrueonlyofourowncountry;it'sbeennotedinculturesaroundtheworld.Forexample,inChinathedeathratedropsoffrightbeforeandduringmajorfestivals,andpicksupagainassoonasthefestivalsareover.Itdoesn'tmatterifyou'reeighteenoreighty—you'llstillneedsomethingtodriveyouforward.Theinspirationyouseekisfoundwithin,waitingtobecalleduponbyanunforeseenchallengeorinspiredrequest.Colonel Harlan Sanders found it at age sixty-five, when his meager SocialSecuritycheckarrived.Hisangerdrovehimtoaction.Wedon'thavetowaitforaneventinordertohavetheinspiration.Wecandesignit.VenerablefunnymanGeorgeBumsunderstands the importanceandpowerofacompellingfuture.Whenaskedtosumuphisphilosophyoflife,heoncereplied,"Youhavetohavesomethingtogetyououtofbed.Ican'tdoanythinginbed,anyway. The most important thing is to have a point, a direction you'reheaded."*Nowinhisnineties,he'sstillsharpeninghiswit,stilltakingonmovieand TV projects, and I recently heard that he booked himself at the LondonPalladiumintheyear2000,whenhe'llbe104yearsold—how'sthatforcreatingacompellingfuture?!Useyourpower.Younowknowwhattodotoinspireyourself.It'stimetodoit.Ifyou'vereadthischapterpassivelyupuntilnow,gobackanddotheexercises.They'refun,andthey'reeasy.First,getyourlistofyourtopfourone-yeargoals.

Second,getclearonthe"why."Third,developtheritualofreviewingyourgoalsandrehearsingthejoyoftheirachievementdailyfortendays.Fourth,surroundyourselfwithrolemodelsandthosewhocanhelpyoudevelopaplanthatwillguideyouinmakingitallreal.EachofthesestepswillhelpyoutoprogramyourRASandsensitizeyoutoallthepossibleresourcesyoucanincorporatetobringyourgoalstofruition.Thisconsistentreviewwillalsoprovideforyouthesenseofcertaintythatyouneedtogetyourselftotakeaction.Solet'sturntothenextchapter,andletmesharewithyouawaytobreakupanyobstaclesthatwouldstopyoubytakingon...

THETEN-DAYMENTALCHALLENG

"Habitiseitherthebestofservantsortheworstofmasters."NATHANIELEMMONSConsistency...Isn'tthiswhatwe'reallafter?Wedon'twanttocreateresults

onceinawhile.Wedon'twanttofeeljoyousjust/orthemoment.Wedon'twanttobeatourbestsporadically.Themarkofachampionisconsistency—andtrueconsistencyisestablishedbyourhabits.I'msureyourealizebynowthatIdidn'twrite thisbook just tohelpyoumakea fewdistinctions.Nor is itdesigned toinspireyouwithafewstoriesorsharewithyouabitofinterestinginformationthatyoumightuseeverynowandthentocreatealittle"personaldevelopment."Thisbook—andmyentirelife—isdedicatedtoproducingameasurableincreaseinthequalityofourlives.Thiscanbeaccomplishedonlythroughanewpatternoftakingmassiveaction.Thetruevaluetoanindividualofanynewstrategyorskillisindirectproportiontothefrequencyofitsuse.AsI'vesaidsomanytimes,knowingwhattodoisnotenough:youmustdowhatyouknow.Thischapter isdesignedtoassistyouinestablishing habits of excellence—the patterns of focus that will help youmaximizetheimpactyouhaveonyourselfandothers.In order to take our lives to the next level, however,wemust realize that thesamepatternof thinking that hasgottenus towherewe arewill not get us towherewewanttogo.OneofthebiggestchallengesIseeinbothindividualsandcorporationsisthattheyresistchange(theirgreatestally),justifyingtheiractionsby pointing out that their current behavior is what got them to the level ofsuccessthattheynowenjoy.Thisisabsolutelytrueand,inreality,anewlevelofthinking is now required in order to experience a new level of personal andprofessionalsuccess.Todothis,wemustonceandforallbreakthroughthebarriersofourfearandtakecontrolofthefocusofourminds.Ouroldpatternsofallowingourmindstobeenslavedbytheproblemsofthemomentmustbebrokenonceandforall.Intheirplace,wemustestablishthelifelongcommitmenttofocusonthesolutionsand to enjoy the process. Throughout this book you've learned a wealth ofpowerful tools and strategies tomakeyour life richer, fuller,more joyous andexciting. But if you just read this book and fail to use it, it's like buying apowerfulnewcomputerandnever taking itoutof thebox,orbuyingaFerrariandthenlettingitsitoutinyourdriveway,collectingdustandgrime.Soletmeofferyouasimpleplanforinterruptingyouroldpatternsofthinking,

feeling,andbehaving,awaythatcanhelpyouconditionthesenew,empoweringalternativesandmakethemabsolutelyconsistent.Years ago, I found myself caught up in a pattern of frustration and anger. IseemedtohaveproblemseverywhereIturned.Atthatpoint,thinkingpositivelywas not high onmy list of solutions. After all, I was being "intelligent," andintelligentpeopledon'tmakethingslookpositivewhentheyaren't!Ihadplentyofpeoplearoundmewhosupportedthisidea(andtheywereequallyfrustratedwiththeirlives,aswell!).Inreality,atthetimeIwasbeingincrediblynegativeandseeingthingsworsethantheywere.Iwasusingmypessimismasashield.Itwasmyfeebleattemptatprotectingmyselffromthepainoffailedexpectations:I'ddoanythingtokeepfrombeingdisappointedonceagain.Butinadoptingthispattern,thissamebarrierthatkeptmeoutofpainalsokeptmeoutofpleasure.Itbarredmefromsolutionsandsealedmeinatombofemotionaldeathwhereonenever experiences too much pain or too much pleasure, and where onecontinuously justifies one's limited actions by stating they're "just beingrealistic."In truth, life is abalance. Ifweallowourselves tobecome thekindofpeoplewho refuse to see theweeds that are taking root inourgardens,ourdelusionswilldestroyus.Equallydestructive,however, iswhathappens to thosepeoplewho, out of fear, constantly imagine the garden overgrown and choked withintractableweeds.Theleader'spathisoneofbalance.Henotestheweedswithasmileuponhisface,knowingthattheweeds'visittothegardenisallbutover—becausehe'sspottedthem,hecanandwillimmediatelyacttoremovethem.Wedon'thavetofeelnegativeaboutweeds.They'repartoflife.Weneedtoseethem,acknowledgethem,focusonthesolution,andimmediatelydowhateverittakes to eliminate their influence from our lives. Pretending they're not therewon'tmake things better; neither will becoming inflamedwith anger by theirpresence nor devastated by fear. Their continual attempt to be part of yourgardenisafactoflife.Simplyremovethem.Anddoitinanemotionalstateofplayfulnessorjoywhileyou'regettingthejobdone;otherwiseyou'llspendtherestofyourlifebeingupset,becauseIcanpromiseyouonething:therewillbemore"weeds"thatcontinuetocomeup.Andunlessyouwanttoliveinreaction to the world every time problems occur, you need to remember thatthey'reactuallyanimportantpartoflife.Theykeepyouvigorous,theykeepyoustrong, they keep you vigilant in noticingwhat needs to be done to keep thegardenofyourlifehealthyandrich.Weneedtopracticethissameapproachinweedingthegardensofourminds.Wehave to be able to noticewhenwe start to have a negative pattern—not beatourselves up about it, and not dwell on it—but simply break the patterns as

quickly aswediscover them, and replace themwith the new seeds ofmental,emotional, physical, financial, spiritual, and professional success. How dowebreak thesepatternswhen they showup?Simply remember the steps ofNACyoulearnedinChapter6.1)Youneed todecidewhatyoudowant. Ifyoureallywant to feelasenseofpassion, joy, and control over your life—which obviously you must, or youwouldn'tbereadingthisnow—thenyouknowwhatyouwant.2)You'vegottogetleverageonyourself.Ifyoureadthiswholebookanddon'testablishanynewpatterns,wouldn't thatbeanunbelievablewasteof time? Incontrast, how will you feel as you truly use what you've learned to takeimmediate control of your mind, body, emotions, finances, and relationships?Letyourdesiretoavoidpainandinducemassivepleasuredriveyoutomakethechangesnecessarytotakeyourlifetothenextlevelnow.Inordertoaccomplishthis,youmust...3)Interruptthelimitingpattern.ThebestwayIknowtodothisistosimplygoona"MentalDiet"—thatis,takeasetperiodoftimeandtakeconsciouscontrolofallyour thoughts.AMentalDiet isanopportunity toeliminate thenegativeanddestructivepatternsofthinkingandfeelingthatinevitablycomefromlivinglife in an emotionally reactionary and mentally undisciplined fashion. Icommittedmyselftosuchamentalcleansingalmosteightyearsago,andfoundittobeaveryprofoundandinvaluableprocess.IcameacrosstheideainasmallpamphletbyEmmetFox.Init,heexpoundeduponthevalueofspendingsevendayswithouteverholdinganegativethought.TheideaseemedsoPollyanna,soridiculouslysimple,thatatfirstIthoughtthewholeconceptwasatotalwasteoftime.Butashebegantolayouttherulesofthisdiethewasprescribing to cleanse themental system, Ibegan to realize itmightbemoredifficultthanIthought.Thechallengeintriguedme,andthefinalresultsastoundedme.I'dliketobroadenthechallengeMr.Foxcreatedin1935andexpanditasatoolthatcanhelpyouintegratethemastertoolsofchangethatyou'vebeenlearningthusfarinthisbook,beginningtoday.Here's your opportunity now to really apply all the new disciplines you'velearnedinthepreviouschapters.Mychallengetoyouissimplythis:Forthenexttendays,beginningimmediately,committotakingfullcontrolofallyour mental and emotional faculties by deciding right now that you will notindulge in or dwell on any unresourceful thoughts or emotions for tenconsecutivedays.Itsoundseasy,doesn't it?AndI'msureitcouldbe.Butthosewhobeginitarefrequently surprised to discover how often their brains are engaged in

nonproductive,fearful,worrisome,ordestructivethinking.Whywouldwecontinuallyindulgeinmentalandemotionalpatternsthatcreateunnecessarystressinourlives?Theanswerissimple:weactuallythinkithelps!Many people live in a state of worry. In order to accomplish this state, theycontinuallyfocusanddwellontheworstpossiblescenario.Whywouldtheydothis?Becausetheybelieveitwillgetthemtodosomething—totakeaction.Butthe truth of the matter is that worry usually puts a person in an extremelyunresourcefulemotionalstate.Itdoesn'tusuallyempowerustotakeaction,butrather,ittendstocauseustobecomeoverwhelmedwithfrustrationorfear.Yet, using some of the simplest tools in this book, you could change yourworriedstate immediatelyby focusingona solution.Youcouldaskyourselfabetterquestion like,"Whatdo Ineed todo rightnowtomake thisbetter?"Oryoucouldchangeyourstatebychangingthevocabularyyouusetodescribethesensationsyou'refeeling:from"worried"to"alittlebitconcerned."Inessence,ifyoudecidetoacceptmyTen-DayChallenge,itmeansthatyou'vecommitted to putting yourself and keeping yourself in a passionately positivestate, no matter what happens. It means that if you find yourself in anyunresourcefulemotionalstates,you'llinstantaneouslychangeyourphysiologyorfocus into a resourceful state regardless of your desires of the moment. Forexample, if someone does something that you believe is destructive or evenhatefultowardyou,andyoubegintofindyourselfbecomingangry,youmustimmediatelychangeyouremotionalstate,regardlessofthesituation,duringthesetenconsecutivedays.Again,rememberthatyouhaveamultitudeofstrategiesforchangingyourstate.Youcouldaskyourselfamoreempoweringquestion like,"Whatcould I learnfrom this?" or "What's great about this situation, andwhat's not yet perfect?"Thesequestionswillleadyouintoresourcefulstateswhereyou'llfindsolutionsinsteadofdwellingonandhabituallyrunningthecycleof increasedangerandfrustration.Howmanyotherwayscouldyouchangeyourstateifyouwerereallycommitted?Remember,ourgoalisnottoignoretheproblemsoflife,buttoputourselvesinbetter mental and emotional states where we can not only come up withsolutions,butactuponthem.Thosepeoplewhofocusonwhattheycan'tcontrolarecontinuallydisempowered.Yes,it'strue,wecan'tcontrolthewindortherainortheothervagariesofweather,butwecantackoursailsinawaythatallowsustoshapethedirectionofourlives.When I first considered going on Fox's mental diet, I believed that stayingpositivewould getme hurt.After all, I had been positive in the past, andmyexpectationsweren'tmet.Ihadfeltdevastated.Eventually,though,Ifoundthat

bychangingmyfocusIwasabletotakemorecontrolofmylifebyavoidingtheproblem state and immediately focusing on solutions. My requests for inneranswerswerequicklymetwhenIwasinaresourcefulstate.Every great, successful person I know shares the capacity to remain centered,clearandpowerfulinthemidstofemotional"storms."Howdotheyaccomplishthis?Mostof themhaveafundamentalrule:In life,neverspendmorethan10percentofyourtimeontheproblem,andspendatleast90percentofyourtimeonthesolution.Mostimportant,don'tsweatthesmallstuff...andremember,it'sallsmallstuff!Ifyoudecidethatyou'regoingtotakeonmyTen-DayChallenge—andIsenseyouwill,sinceyou'vemadeitthisfarinthebook—thenrealizethatforthenexttendays,you'regoing to spend100percentofyour timeon solutions, andnotimeonproblems!Butwon'tthismaketheproblemsworse?"IfIdon'tworryaboutmyproblems,won'ttheygetoutofcontrol?"Iseriouslydoubtit.Tendaysoffocusingentirelyuponsolutions,onwhat'sgreatinyourlife,onwhatworksandhowluckyyouarewillnotmakeyourproblemsworse.Butthesenewpatternsmaymakeyouso strong that what you once thought was a problem may disappear as youassumeanewidentityofanunstoppableandjoyoushumanbeing.TherearefoursimpleyetimportantrulestothisTen-DayChallenge.Soifyou'regoingtotakeiton,rememberthefollowing:THETEN-DAYMENTALCHALLENGE—RULESOFTHEGAMERule1.Inthenexttenconsecutivedays,refusetodwellonanyunresourceful

thoughts or feelings. Refuse to indulge in any disempowering questions ordevitalizingvocabularyormetaphors.Rule2.Whenyoucatchyourselfbeginningtofocusonthenegative—andyoucertainly will—you are to immediately use the techniques you've learned toredirect your focus toward a better emotional state. Specifically, use theProblem-Solving Questions as your first line of attack; for example: "What'sgreataboutthis?What'snotperfectyet?"Remember,byaskingaquestionlike,"What'snotperfectyet?,"you'represupposing that thingswillbeperfect.Thiswillchangeyourstate.Itdoesn'tignoretheproblem,butitkeepsyouintherightstatewhileyouidentifywhatneedstobechanged.In addition, set yourself up for success eachmorning for thenext tendaysbyaskingyourselftheMorningPowerQuestions.Youcandothembeforeyougetoutofbedorwhileyou'reintheshower,butmakesureyoudothemrightaway.This will focus you in the direction of establishing empowering mental andemotional patterns each day as you awake. In the evening, use the Evening

Power Questions, or any questions you believe will put you in a great statebeforeyoudropofftosleep.Rule3.Forthenexttenconsecutivedays,makecertainthatyourwholefocusinlife is on solutions and not on problems. The minute you see a possiblechallenge,immediatelyfocusonwhatthesolutioncouldbe.Rule4.Ifyoubackslide—thatis,ifyoucatchyourselfindulginginordwellingon an unresourceful thought or feeling—don't beat yourself up. There's noproblemwiththisaslongasyouchangeimmediately.However,ifyoucontinuetodwellonunresourcefulthoughtsorfeelingsforanymeasurablelengthoftime,youmustwaituntilthefollowingmorningandstartthetendaysover.Thegoalof this program is ten consecutive days without holding or dwelling on anegative thought.This starting-overprocessmusthappennomatterhowmanydaysinarowyou'vealreadyaccomplishedthetask.TheTen-DayMentalChallengeYoumay ask, "How long can I focus on the negative before it's considered

'dwelling'?"Tome,oneminuteofcontinualfocuson,andemotionalattachmentto,what'swrongisdwelling.Oneminuteismorethanenoughtimeforustobeable to catch ourselves and create a change. Our whole goal is to catch themonsterwhile it's little.Certainly,within twenty to forty secondsyouknow ifyou'rebeingnegativeaboutsomething.IfIwereyou,though,I'dgivemyselfuptoamaximumoftwominutestonoticethechallengeandbegin tochangeyourstate.Twominutes iscertainlyenoughtime to identify thatyou're in anegative state.Break thepattern. Ifyouallowyourselftogoaslongasfiveminutesormore,you'llfindtheMentalChallengewon'taccomplishits task; instead,you'll just learntoventyouremotionsmorequickly. The goal is to knock things out before you ever get in a negativeemotionalstateinthefirstplace.WhenIfirsttriedthisexercise,afterdoingitforthreedaysIgotcaughtupandangryaboutsomethingandindulgedforaboutfiveminutesinnegativeemotionsbefore I realizedwhat Iwas doing. I had to start all over.Onmy second tripthrough,on the sixthday, I ran into somemajorchallenges,butat thispoint Iwas committed. I wasn't about to start over again! So I immediately foundmyselffocusingonthesolution.Thebenefit, asyoucanguess,wasnot just stayingwithmymentaldiet,but Ibegan conditioning myself for a tremendous, lifelong pattern of staying in apositive emotional state, even when there were challenges around me, and

focusingthemajorityofmyenergyonsolutions.Tothisday,evenwhenIhearaboutproblems,asyou'veprobablynoticed,Itendtocallthemchallenges.Idon'tdwellonthem,andIimmediatelyfocusonhowIcanconvertthechallengeintoanopportunity."Wefirstmakeourhabits,andthenourhabitsmakeus."

JOHNDRYDENYoumaydecidethatwhileyou'retakingthisMentalChallengeyoumaywant

to cleanse your body aswell. InUnlimited Power I issued a ten-day physicalchallenge.Combiningboththeten-dayLivingHealthVitalityChallengewiththeten-dayMentalChallengecanproducepowerfulresultsthatcantakeyourlifetoanotherlevelinthenexttendays.BycommittingandfollowingthroughonthisMental Challenge, you'll be giving yourself a break from limiting habits andflexing the muscles of empowerment. You'll be sending your brain a newmessage and commanding new results. You will be demanding empoweringemotions,enrichingthoughts,inspiringquestions.With a clear-cutmoving-away idea (the pain of starting over) you are givingyourbrainstrongsignalstosearchforempoweringpatterns.Bysettingahigherstandard forwhat thoughtsyou'll allowyourmind todwellon,you'llbegin tonoticethegarbageanddestructivepatternsyouusedtoblindlyor lazilyacceptfromyourself.Andasaresult,you'llfinditdifficulttoevergobacktotheoldways again. The starkness of this approachwill cause you to remember thesepatternsinthefutureandmakeitdifficulttogobacktotheoldpatternsagain.Awordofcaution:Don'tbeginthisten-daycommitmentunlessanduntilyouarecertain thatyouaregoing to liveby it for the full lengthof time. Ifyoudon'tstartoutwithasenseofcommitment,youcertainlywon'tmakeitthroughthetendays.Thisisnotachallengefortheweakatheart.Thisisonlyforthosewhoarereally committed to conditioning their nervous systems for new, empoweringemotionalpatternsthatcantaketheirlivestothenextlevel.Haveyoudecidedyetwhetheryou'regoingtodothis?Thinkaboutitcarefullybeforecommittingyourself,becauseonceyoudo,youneedtoholdyourselftoyourwordandexperience the joy thatcomeswithadisciplinedeffort. Ifyouranswer is yes, for the next ten days you'll be taking the things you've learnedintellectuallyupuntilnowandmakingthempartofyourdailyexperienceoflife.ThesetendayswillhelpyouusetheNACtechnologytoconditionyourselfforsuccess.You'llbeaskingnewquestions,usingTransformationalVocabularyandmore empowering global metaphors, and instantly changing your focus andphysiology.Let's face it, we all have our indulgences in life. If you're overweight, your

indulgencesmaybechocolatefudgesundaesordouble-cheesepizza.Whenyoudiet,yousaytoyourself,"Enoughisenough.ThisiswhereIdrawtheline."Youholdyourselftoahigherstandardandenjoytheself-esteemthatcomeswiththatsingle,small,disciplinedact.Butweallhaveourmentalindulgences,too.Somepeoplefeelsorryforthemselves.Somegetangryinawaythatsubvertstheirownbestinterests.Someofusfailtofocusonthethingsthatneedattention.Mychallengetoyouistodecidethatforten days, youwill not allow yourself a single one of these destructivementalindulgences.What stands in theway of just deciding to banish them?Three things, really.Oneislaziness.Alotofpeopleknowwhattheyshoulddo,butneverquitegetuptheenergytodoit.Manyknowtheirlivescouldbesomethingmore,yetthey'resittinginfrontofthetube,eatingjunkfood,deprivingtheirmindsandbodiesofthefueltheyneedtosparknewgrowth.Thesecondobstacleisfear.Alltoooften,thesecurityofamediocrepresentismorecomfortablethantheadventureoftryingtobemoreinthefuture.Somanypeopleget to theendof their liveswonderingwhatcouldhavebeen—don't letthishappentoyou.The third challenge is force of habit.Wehave our old emotional patterns: thedeadeningforceofroutine.Likeaplaneonautomaticpilot,ourbraindredgesupthesameoldresponsesitalwayshas.Wefaceanobstacleandseetheprobleminsteadofthesolution.Wesufferareversalandfeelsorryforourselvesinsteadofdecidinghowtolearnfromit.Wemakeamistakeandseeitassomesortofbaleful judgmentonwhatwecan'tdo, insteadofdeciding to learnfromitandmoveforward.Thisexercise is a way to get beyond all three and produce lasting changes withbenefits that canmultiply over time. This is your opportunity tomake a truecommitmenttoCANI!ThisTen-DayChallengeisnoteasy.Ifyouhabituallyfeelsorryforyourself,it'snoteasy to stop. Ifyou're focusingon financialpressure,operatingoutof fearwon't make it any better. If you blame your spouse for everything that goeswrong in your life, the easy thing is to keep doing it. If you mask yourinsecuritiesbybeingangryallthetime,ifyouwallowinguilt,ifyoublameyourlooksoryourfinancialsituationoryourupbringingforallyourproblems,it'snoteasytochange.Butyoualreadyhavesomanytoolstoimproveyourlife.Thisismychallengetoyoutostartusingthem.Believeme,thepowerinherentinthislittleexerciseisamazing.Ifyoustickwithit,itwilldofourthingsforyou.First,itwillmakeyouacutelyawareofallthehabitual mental patterns that hold you back. Second, it will make your brain

searchforempoweringalternativestothem.Third, itwillgiveyouan incredible joltofconfidenceasyousee thatyoucanturn your life around. Fourth, andmost importantly, itwill create new habits,newstandards,andnewexpectations thatwillhelpyouexpandmore thanyoucouldeverbelieve.Successisprocessional.It'stheresultofaseriesofsmalldisciplinesthatleadusintohabitualpatternsofsuccessthatnolongerrequireconsistentwilloreffort.Like a freight train picking up speed, this exercise in doing things rightconsciously, inerasing thepatterns thatholdyoubackand installingnewonesthatcanpropelyouforward,willgiveyouasenseofmomentumlikeveryfewthingsyou'vedoneinyourlife.Thegreat news about this is that, unlike a dietwhere you starve yourself andeventuallyhavetogobacktoeating,youroldpatternoffindingthenegativeisnotoneyoueverhavetoreturntoagain.Thismaynotbeaten-dayexerciseinthe end. It's really an opportunity for you to become "addicted" to a positivefocusfortherestofyourlife.Butif,afterbanishingyourtoxicmentalpatternsfor ten days, you want to return, be my guest. The truth is that once youexperiencelifeinthismentallyvitaland alive way, going back would disgust you. But if you ever find yourselfgettingofftrack,youhavethetoolstoimmediatelyputyourselfbackonthehighroadagain.Remember, though, only you can make this ten-day Mental Challenge work.Onlyyoucanmakethecommitmenttoreallyfollowthrough.You might consider getting extra leverage on yourself to make certain youfollowthrough.Onewayofprovidingyourselfextraincentiveistoannouncetothepeoplearoundyouwhatyou'recommittingto,orfindapartnerwhowantstotakeonthisten-dayMentalChallengewithyou.In addition, it would be ideal for you to keep a written journal while you'remeeting the ten-dayMentalChallenge,writingyour experiences eachday andrecording how you successfully dealt with those various challenges. I thinkyou'llfinditinvaluabletoreviewlateron.Finally,oneofthemostvaluabletookincreatingachangeisnotjustinterruptingyouroldpattern,butreplacingitwithsomethingnew.Whatyoumaydecidetocommit to doing is something I do on an ongoing basis throughout my life:becomeareader.

LEADERSAREREADERS

Yearsago,oneofmyteachers,JimRohn,taughtmethatreadingsomethingofsubstance, something of value, something that was nurturing, something thattaughtyounewdistinctionseveryday,wasmoreimportantthaneating.Hegotmehookedontheideaofreadingaminimumofthirtyminutesaday.Hesaid,"Missameal,butdon'tmissyourreading."I'vefoundthis tobeoneof themostvaluabledistinctions inmylife.Sowhileyou'recleansingyoursystemoftheold,youmightwanttobeempoweringitbycontinuingtoreadthenew.Andthereareplentyofpagesofvaluableinsightandstrategyaheadofyouthatyoucanbeutilizingduringthesetendays.Ifyou'velearnedanythingfromthisbook,it'sthepowerofdecisions.You'reatacritical point in our journey together.You've learned a variety of fundamentalstrategies and distinctions that can now be used to powerfully and positivelyshapeyourlife.Myquestiontoyourightnowis:Haveyoumadethedecisiontousethem?Don'tyouoweittoyourselftomakethemostoutofwhatthisbookhas to offer you? This is one of the most important ways to follow through.Commitnowtodothisonlyasquicklyasyou'recommittedtolivingthequalityoflifethatyouonceonlydreamedof.Sorealizethat thischapter ismypersonalchallengetoyou.It'sanopportunityandan invitation todemandmore fromyourself thanotherpeoplewouldeverexpect,andtoreaptherewardsthatcomefromthiscommitment.It'sa timetoputinpracticewhatyou'velearned.Butit'salsoatimetodecidewhetheryou'rewilling to make the commitment to make some simple yet powerfulimprovementsinyourlife.Iknowthat'swhatyoudesire.Ifyouneedevidencethat you can do it, I sincerely believe this chapter will provide it—if you'rewillingtogoforitfullout.At thispoint,you're ready tomoveon to thenextsectionof thisbook.You'velearned the fundamental tools for shaping your life bymaking decisions. Butnow let's study theMaster System that's controlling every decision youmakethroughoutyourlife.Understandingthebasisofyourownpersonalphilosophyisaccomplishedby...

ULTIMATEINFLUENCE:YOURMASTERSYSTEM"Elementary,mydearWatson..."

WITHAPOLOGIESTOSIRARTHURCONANDOYLEOneofthethingsIlovemostaboutwhatIdoistheopportunitytounravelthe

mystery of human behavior and thereby to offer solutions that truly make adifference in the quality of people's lives. I'm fascinated to probe below thesurfacetofindoutthe"why"behindaperson'sbehavior, todiscovertheircorebeliefs,questions,metaphors,referencesandvalues.Becausemyforte isbeingabletoproduceimmediateandmeasurableresults,outofnecessityI'velearnedhow toquickly locatekey leveragepoints for facilitatingchange.Everyday, IgettolivetheroleofSherlockHolmes,sleuthingminutedetailstopiecetogetherthejigsawpuzzleofeachperson'suniqueexperience—IguessyoucouldsaythatI'maveryprivatedetective!Thereare telltaleclues tohumanbehavior justasblatantasthesmokinggun.Sometimesthecluesarealittlemoresubtle,andittakesfurtherinvestigationtouncoverthem.However,asdiverseashumanbehavioris,oneofthethingsthathas allowedme todowhat I do so successfully is that ultimately it all comesdowntocertainpatternsmadeupofspecifickeyelements.IfyouandIhaveagrasp of these organizing principles, then we are empowered not only toinfluencepeople forpositivechange,butalso tounderstandwhy theydowhattheydo.UnderstandingtheMasterSystemthatdirectsallhumanbehavior isasmuchascienceasarechemistryandphysics,governedbypredictablelawsandpatternsof action and reaction. You can think of your own Master System—the fivecomponents that determine how you evaluate everything that happens in yourlife—asakindofPeriodicTable,detailingtheelementsofhumanbehavior.Justasallphysicalmatterbreaksdowntothesamebasicunits,sodoestheprocessofhumanbehaviortoonewhoknowswhattolookfor.It'sthecombinationandstructure—howweusetheseelements—thatmakeseachofusunique.Somemixturesarevolatileandproduce explosive results. Other combinations neutralize, some catalyze, andsomeparalyze.Bombardedaswearewiththecountlessthingsthathappentouseveryday,mostofusdon'tevenrealizethatwehaveapersonalphilosophy,muchlessthepower

ithastodirectourevaluationsofwhatthingsmeantous.Thesecondsectionofthisbookisdedicatedtoassistingyouin taking direct control of your Master System of evaluation—the force thatcontrolsthewayyoufeelandwhatyoudoeverymomentofyourlife.UnderstandingtheMasterSystemofothersallowsyoutoimmediatelygettotheessenceofaperson,whetherit'syourspouse,yourchild,yourbossorbusinesspartner,eventhepeopleyoumeeteveryday.Wouldn'tthisbeoneofthegreatestgiftsyoucouldever receive: tobeable toknowwhat isdrivingall thepeoplewhoaremostimportanttoyou—includingyourself?Wouldn'titbegreattogetbeyond any upsets or challenges with someone and understand why they'rebehaving this way—and then, without judgment, to be able to immediatelyreconnectwithwhotheyreallyare?Withchildren,weusuallyrememberthatcrankinessindicatesaneedforanap,ratherthanasourdisposition.Inamarriage,it'sespeciallyimportanttobeableto see through the day-to-day stresses so that you can support each other andnurture thebond thatbroughtyou together in the first place. Ifyour spouse isfeelingpressurefromwork,andisventinghisorherfrustration,itdoesn'tmeanthatyourmarriage isover, but it's a sign tobemore attentive and toputyourfocusonsupportingthispersonyoulove.Afterall,youwouldn'tjudgethestockmarket based solelyononedaywhen theDow-JonesAverageplunges twentypoints.Bythesametoken,youcan't judgeaperson'scharacterbyoneisolatedincident.Peoplearenottheirbehaviors.Thekey tounderstandingpeople is tounderstand theirMasterSystemssoyoucan appreciate their individual, systematic way of reasoning. We all have asystemorprocedurethatwegothroughinordertodeterminewhatthingsmeantousandwhatweneedtodoabouttheminvirtuallyanysituationinlife.Youand Ineed to remember thatdifferent thingsare important todifferentpeople,and they'll evaluate what's happening differently based upon their perspectiveandconditioning.Imagine playing tennis and hitting a poor serve. From your perspective, youblew it.Fromyouropponent'sperspective, itwasagreat shot—forhim.Fromthe line judge'sperspective, theservewasneithergoodnorbad; itwassimply"in" or "out." What often happens after hitting a poor shot? People startgeneralizing —and more often than not, in a disempowering way. "What aterribleserve"becomes"Icouldn'tservetodaytosavemylife."Theirnextfewservesarelikelytobeequallyunderwhelming.Thenthetrainofgeneralizationpicksupspeed,movingfrom"Icouldn'tservetodaytosavemylife"to"Ineverdidhavethatgreataserve"to"I'mreallynotsuchahottennisplayer"to"Ineverseemtobeabletomasteranything"to"I'mahorribleperson."Itlooksludicrous

here,spelledoutinluriddetail,butisn'tthisthewayithappensinsomanyareasofourlives?Ifwefailtotakecontrolofourevaluationprocess,itliterallyrunswildandsweepsusintothespiralingpatternofself-recrimination.

SUPERIOR EVALUATIONS CREATE SUPERIORLIVES

In modeling the most successful people in our culture, one commondenominatorInoticewithoutfail is that theymakesuperiorevaluations.Thinkofanyoneyouconsidertobeamasterofanything,inbusiness,politics,law,thearts, relationships,physicalhealth, spirituality.Whathasbrought them to theirpersonal pinnacle? What has made prosecuting attorney Gerry Spence winalmosteverycasehehastakenoninthelastfifteenyears?WhydoesBillCosbyseem to delight his audiences virtually every time he takes the stage? WhatmakesAndrewLloydWebber'smusicsohauntinglyperfect?Itallcomesdowntothesepeoplemakingsuperiorevaluationsintheirareasofexpertise.Spencehashonedasuperiorunderstandingofwhatinfluenceshumanemotionanddecision.Cosbyhasspentyearsdevelopingkeyreferences,beliefs,and rules about how to use anything in his environment as material to makepeoplelaugh.Webber'smasteryofmelody,orchestration,arrangement,andotherelementsenableshimtowritemusicthattouchesusatthedeepestlevel.ConsiderWayneGretzkyoftheLosAngelesKings.HehasscoredmorepointsthananyoneinthehistoryoftheNationalHockeyLeague.Whatmakeshimsopowerful?Isitbecausehe'sthebiggest,strongest,orfastestplayerintheleague?Byhisownadmission, theanswer toall threeof thesequestions isno.Yethewasconsistentlythenumber-onescorerintheleague.Whenaskedwhatmakeshimsoeffective,hisresponseisthatwhilemostplayersskatetowherethepuckis, he tends to skate towhere the puck is going.At anymoment in time, hisability to anticipate—to evaluate the velocity of the puck, its direction, thepresent strategies and physicalmomentum of the players around him—allowshimtoplacehimselfintheoptimumpositionforscoring.Oneofthetopmoneymanagers in theworld is Sir John Templeton, dean of international investing,whosetrackrecordforthelastfiftyjearsisunrivaled.Asumof$10,000investedin the Templeton Growth Fund at its inception in 1954 would be worth $2.2milliontoday!Inordertohavehimpersonallyworkwithyouonyourportfolio,youmust invest atminimumof $10million cash; his top client entrustedhimwith over $11billion to invest.What hasmadeTempletononeof the greatestinvestment advisors of all time? When I asked him this question, he didn'thesitate a moment. He said, "My ability to evaluate the true value of aninvestment."He'sbeenabletodothisdespitethevagariesoftrendsand 'short-termmarketfluctuations.

WEALTHISTHERESULTOFEFFECTIVEEVALUATIONSOthertopinvestmentadvisorswhomI'vestudiedandmodeledinthepastyear

include Peter Lynch, Robert Prechter, andWarren Buffet. To help him in hisfinancialevaluations.Buffetemploysapowerfulmetaphorhe learnedfromhisfriend and mentor Ben Graham: "As a metaphor for looking at marketfluctuations, just imagine them as coming from a remarkably accommodatingfellow named Mr. Market who's your partner in private business.. . . Mr.Market's quotations are anything but [stable]. Why? Well, for the sad-to-sayreasonthatthepoorfellowhasincurableemotionalproblems.Attimeshefeelseuphoric andwecan seeonly the favorable factors affecting thebusiness, andwhenhe'sinthatmoodhenamesaveryhighbuy-sellpricebecausehefearsthatyou'll snapuphis interest and robhimof imminentgains.Atother timeshe'sdepressedandhecanseenothingbuttroubleaheadforboththebusinessandtheworld.On thoseoccasionshe'll nameavery lowprice sincehe's terrified thatyouwillunloadyourinterestonhim....ButlikeCinderellaattheball,youmustheedonewarningoreverythingwillturnintopumpkinsandmice.Mr.Marketistheretoserveyou,not toguideyou.It ishispocketbook,nothiswisdom,thatyouwillfinduseful.Ifheshowsupsomedayinaparticularlyfoolishmood,youarefreetoeitherignorehim,ortakeadvantageofhim,butitwillbedisastrousifyoufallunderhisinfluence.Indeed,ifyouaren'tcertainthatyouunderstandandcan value your business far better than Mr. Market, you don't belong in thegame."Clearly,Buffetevaluateshisinvestmentdecisionsquitedifferentlyfromthosewhoareextremelyworriedwhenthemarketcrashesoreuphoricwhenitsoars.And because he evaluates differently, he produces a different quality ofresult. If someone is doing better than we are in any area of life, it's simplybecause theyhaveabetterwayofevaluatingwhat thingsmeanandwhat theyshoulddoaboutit.Wemustneverforgetthattheimpactofourevaluationsgoesfarbeyondhockeyorfinances.Howyouevaluatewhatyou'regoingtoeateachnightmaydeterminethelengthandqualityofyourlife.Poorevaluationsofhowtoraiseyourkidscancreatethepotentialforlifelongpain.Failuretounderstandsomeone else's evaluation procedures can destroy a beautiful and lovingrelationship.The goal, then, is to be able to evaluate everything in your life in away thatconsistentlyguidesyoutomakechoicesthatproducetheresultsyoudesire.Thechallenge is that seldom do we take control of what seems like a complexprocess.ButI'vedevelopedwaystosimplifyitsothatwecantakethehelmandbeginsteeringourownevaluationprocedures,andthereforeourdestinies.Hereisabriefoverviewofthefiveelementsofevaluation,someofwhichyoualready

know,andtherestofwhichwe'llbecoveringinthefollowingchapters.Belowyou'llfindanarrowpointedtowardtwintargets.ThisdiagramdemonstrateshowourMasterSystemofevaluationworks.Let'sreviewthefiveelementsoneatatimeandaddeachtothediagramaswego.1) The first element that affects all of your evaluations is the mental and

emotionalstateyou'reinwhileyou'remakinganevaluation.Therearetimesinyour lifewhen somebody can say one thing to you and itwillmake you cry,whileothertimesthesamecommentmakesyoulaugh.What's thedifference?Itmightsimplybe thestateyou're in.Whenyou're inafearful,vulnerablestate,thecrunchingoffootstepsoutsideyourwindowinthenight, along with the creak of a door opening, will feel andmean somethingtotally different than if you're in a state of excitement or positive anticipation.Whetheryouquiverunderthesheetsorleapoutandruntothedoorwithopenarms is the result of the evaluations you make about the meaning of thesesounds.Onemajorkeytomakingsuperiorevaluations,then,istomakecertainthatwhenwe'remakingdecisionsaboutwhatthingsmeanandwhattodo,we'reinanextremelyresourcefulstateofmindandemotionratherthaninasurvivalmode.2) The second building block of ourMaster System is the questions we ask.Questionscreate the initial formofourevaluations.Remember, in response toanything thathappens inyour life,yourbrainevaluates itbyasking, "What ishappening?Whatdoesthissituationmean?Doesitmeanpainorpleasure?WhatcanIdonowtoavoid,reduce,oreliminatepainorgainsomepleasure?"Whatdetermines whether you ask somebody out for a date? Your evaluations aredeeply affected by the specific question you ask yourself as you considerapproachingthisperson.Ifyouaskyourselfaquestionlike"Wouldn'titbegreattogettoknowthisperson?",you'relikelytofeelmotivatedtoapproachthem.If,however, you habitually ask questions like "What if they reject me?What ifthey're offended when I approach them?What if I get hurt?" then obviouslythese questions will lead you through a set of evaluations that result in yourpassinguptheopportunitytoconnectwithsomeoneyou'retrulyinterestedin.Whatdeterminesthekindoffoodyou'llputonyourdinnerplatealsodependsonthe questions you ask. If when you look at food, you consistently ask thequestion"WhatcouldIeatquicklythatwouldgivemeanimmediatelift?",thefoodsyoumaychoosewilltendtobeheavilyprocessedconveniencefoods—inlayman'sterms,junk.Ifinsteadyouasked,"WhatcouldIhavenowthatwouldnourishme?",it'smorelikelyyou'llpullfromsuchfoodgroupsasfruits,juices,vegetables,andsalads.

The difference between having a Snickers bar on a regular basis or having aglassof fresh-squeezed juicewilldetermine thequalityofyourphysicalbody,and this has resulted from the way you've evaluated. Your habitual questionsplayamajorroleinthisprocess.3)The third element that affects your evaluations is your hierarchy of values.Eachofusthroughoutourliveshaslearnedtovaluecertainemotionsmorethanothers.Weallwanttofeelgood,i.e.,pleasure,andavoidfeelingbad,i.e.,pain.,Butourlife'sexperiencehastaughteachofusauniquecodingsystemforwhatequalspainandwhatequalspleasure.Thiscanbefoundintheguidancesystemofourvalues.Forexample,onepersonmayhavelearnedtolinkpleasuretotheideaoffeelingsecure,whilesomeoneelsemayhavelinkedpaintothesameideabecausetheirfamily's obsession with security caused them never to experience a sense offreedom.Somepeopletrytosucceed,yetatthesametimetheyavoidrejectionatall costs. Can you see how this values conflict might cause a person to feelfrustratedorimmobilized?Thevaluesyouselectwillshapeeverydecisionyoumakeinyourlife.Therearetwotypesofvaluesyou'lllearnaboutinthenextchapter:theemotionalstatesofpleasurewe'realwaystryingtomovetoward—valueslikelove,joy,compassion,andexcitement—and theemotional statesofpain thatwe're trying toavoidormove away from—like humiliation , frustration, depression, and anger. Thedynamiccreatedbythesetwotargetswilldeterminethedirectionofyourlife.4)ThefourthelementthatmakesupyourMasterSystemisbeliefs.Ourglobalbeliefsgiveusa senseofcertaintyabouthow to feelandwhat toexpect fromourselves, from life, and frompeople; our rules are the beliefswe have aboutwhathas tohappenforus to feel thatourvalueshavebeenmet.Forexample,somepeoplebelieve,"Ifyouloveme,thenyouneverraiseyourvoice."Thisrulewillcausethispersontoevaluatearaisedvoiceasevidencethatthereisnoloveintherelationship.Thismayhavenobasisinfact,buttherulewilldominatetheevaluationandthereforethatperson'sperceptionsandexperienceofwhat'strue.Other such limiting rules might be ideas like "If you're successful, then youmakemillions of dollars" or "If you're a good parent, then you never have aconflictwithyourchildren."Ourglobalbeliefsdetermineourexpectationsandoftencontrolwhatwe'reevenwilling to evaluate in the first place. Together, the force of these beliefsdetermineswhenwegiveourselvesanexperienceofpainorpleasure,andtheyareacoreelementineveryevaluationwe'llevermake.5) The fifth element of your Master System is the hodgepodge of referenceexperiencesyoucanaccessfromthegiantfilingcabinetyoucallyourbrain.In

it,you'vestoredeverythingyou'veeverexperienced inyour life—and, for thatmatter,everythingyou'veeverimagined.Thesereferencesformtherawmaterialthatweusetoconstructourbeliefsandguideourdecisions.Inordertodecidewhatsomethingmeanstous,wehavetocompareittosomething;forexample,isthissituationgoodorbad?Thinkofthetennisexampleearlierinthischapter:isitgoodorbad,comparedtowhat?Isitgoodcomparedtowhatyourfriendsdoorhave?Is it bad compared to the worst situation you've ever heard of? You haveunlimitedreferencesyoucanuseinmakinganydecision.Whichreferencesyouchoosewilldeterminethemeaningyoutakefromanyexperience,howyoufeelaboutit,andtoacertainextentwhatyou'lldo.Without a doubt, references shape our beliefs and values.Can you see how itwouldmakeadifference,forexample,ifyougrewupinanenvironmentwhereyoufeltyouwereconsistentlybeingtakenadvantageof,asopposedtogrowingup feeling unconditionally loved? How might this color your beliefs or yourvalues,thewayyoulookedatlifeorpeopleoropportunity?If,forexample,youhadlearnedskydivingwhenyouweresixteenyearsold,youmight developdifferent values about the ideaof adventure than someonewhowasrejectedeverytimetheyattemptedanewskill,concept,oridea.Mastersareoftenpeoplewhojusthavemorereferencesthan you do aboutwhat leads to success or frustration in any given situation.Clearly, after forty years of investing, JohnTempleton hasmore references toassist him in deciding what is an excellent investment than someone who isputtingtogethertheir,firstdeal.Additional references offer us the potential formastery.Yet, regardless of ourexperienceor lack thereof,wehaveunlimitedways toorganizeour referencesintobeliefsandrulesthateitherempowerordisempowerus.EachdayyouandIhave the opportunity to take in new references that can help us to bolster ourbeliefs,refineourvalues,asknewquestions,accessthestatesthatpropelusinthedirectionwewanttogo,andtrulyshapeourdestiniesforthebetter."Menarewiseinproportion,nottotheirexperience,buttotheircapacityfor

experience."GEORGEBERNARDSHAWSeveral years ago, I began to hear about the incredible success of a man

namedDwayneChapmanintrackingdownandcapturingfelonswhohadeludedthe law foryears.Known tomost as "Dog,"hehasbecomeknownas the topbounty hunter in the country. I was fascinated and wanted to meet him anddiscoverwhatmakeshimsoeffective.Dogisadeeplyspiritualmanwhosegoal

is not only to catch the felon, but also to help himmake changes in his life.Wheredidthisdesirecomefrom?Itcamefromhisownpain.Asayoungman.Dogmadepoorevaluationsaboutwhomhechoseasfriends.Outofhisdesiretobelongtoagroup,hejoinedamotorcyclegang,theDevil'sDisciples.Oneday, in themidstofadrugdealgonebad,agangmembershotand mortally wounded a man at the scene. Panic ensued ; the membersimmediatelyfled.AlthoughDogdidnotcommit themurder, in thatstate therewasnolinedrawnbetweenbeinganaccessorytomurderandbeingthemanwhoactuallypulledthetrigger.Heendedupservingyearsofhardtime,workingonachaingang,intheTexasprisonsystem.Doingtimegavehimsomuchpainthathe reevaluated his entire philosophy of life. He began to realize that his corebeliefs, values, and rules had created his pain. He began to ask himself newquestionsandtofocusonhisprisonexperiences(references)asbeingtheeffectofchoiceshe'dmadewithhispreviouslifephilosophy.Thisgothimtothepointwherehebelievedhemustchangehislifeonceandforall.Intheyearsfollowinghisrelease.Dogpursuedanumberofcolorfulcareersand finally settled on starting a private investigation business. When he wasbrought before a judge for back child-support payments (payments he'd beenunabletomakewhileinprisonandinthefinanciallyunstableperiodfollowinghis release), the judge offered Dog a money-making opportunity in lieu of apaymentheknewwouldnevermaterialize.HesuggestedthatDogtrackdownarapistwhohadvictimizedmanywomenintheDenverarea.ThejudgesuggestedDoguse thedistinctionshe'dmadeinprisontoassisthiminfiguringoutwhatthis criminal might be doing and where he might be hiding. Although lawenforcementofficialshadtriedunsuccessfullytofindthisrapistforoverayear.Dogdeliveredhimwithinthreedays!Tosaytheleast,thejudgewasimpressed.Thiswasthestartofabrilliantcareer,andtoday,morethan3,000arrestslater.Doghasoneofthebestrecordsinthecountry,ifnotthebest.Hehasaveragedover360arrestsayear—essentiallyonearrest a day.What is the key to his success? Certainly a critical factor is theevaluationshemakes.Doginterviewshisquarry 'srelativesorlovedones,andinavarietyofwaysheelicitstheinformationheneeds.Hediscoverssomeofthebeliefs,values,andhabitualrulesof themanorwomanhe'spursuing.Henowunderstandstheirlifereferences,whichenableshimtothinkthesamewaytheywouldandanticipatetheirmoveswithuncannyprecision.HeunderstandstheirMasterSystemandhisresultsspeakforthemselves.

TWOKINDSOFCHANGE

IfyouandIwant tochangeanything inour lives, it's invariablyoneof twothings:eitherhowwe'refeelingorourbehaviors.Certainlywecanlearnhowtochange our emotions or feelings within a context. For example, if you feelfearfulofbeingrejectedasanactor,Icanhelpyoutoconditionyourselfsothatyounolongerfeelfearful.Orwecanmakethesecondkindofchange:aglobalchange.Ametaphor for thismightbe that ifwewant to change thewayyourcomputerisprocessingdata,Icanchangethesoftwarethatyou'reusingsothatwhenyouhitthekeyswhatshowsuponthescreenisformatteddifferently.OrifI reallywant tomake a change that will not only affect this type of file, butmultiple environments, I can change the computer's operating system. BychangingtheMasterSystem,wecanchangehowyou'll interact inavarietyofcircumstances.So instead of just conditioning yourself to feel differently about rejection andeliminatingthefearfulbehaviors,youcanadoptanewglobalbeliefthatsays,"Iam the sourceofallmyemotions.Nothingandnoonecanchangehow I feelexceptme.IfIfindmyselfinreactiontoanything,Icanchangeitinamoment."Ifyoutrulyadoptthisbelief,notintellectually,butemotionallywhereyoufeelitwithabsolutecertainty,canyouseehowthatwouldeliminatenotonlyyourfearofrejection,butalsoyourfeelingsofangerorfrustrationorinadequacy?Suddenly,youbecomethemasterofyourfate.Orwecouldchangeyourvalues,andmake your highest value one of contributing. Then, if somebody rejectedyou, it wouldn't matter: you'd still want to contribute to them, and throughconstant contribution, you'd find yourself no longer being rejected by people.You'dalsofindyourselfpermeatedwithasenseofjoyandconnectionthatyoumayneverhavehadbefore inotherareasofyour life.Orwecanchangeyourconditionedfeelingstowardsmokingbygettingyoutomovehealthandvitalitytothetopofyourvalueslist.Oncethatbecomesthehighestpriorityofyourlife,thesmokingbehaviorwilldisappear,andmoreimportantly,itcanbereplacedbyother behaviors thatwill support your newvalue of health andvitality: eatingdifferently,breathingdifferently,andsoon.Bothtypesofchangesarevaluable.The focus of the second section of the book is how to create these globalchanges,whereasingleshift inoneof thefiveelementsof theMasterSystemwillpowerfullyaffect thewayyou think, feel,andbehave inmultipleareasofyourlifesimultaneously.IfyouchangejustoneelementinyourMasterSystem,therearecertainevaluationsyouwon'tevenconsideranymore,certainquestions

youwon'tevenask,certainbeliefsthecomputerwon'tevenaccept.Thisprocessofcreatingaglobalchangecanbeapowerfulforceforshapingdestiny."Takeawaythecause,andtheeffectceases."

MIGUELDECERVANTESThere's a story I love to tell of a fellow standing on the banks of a river.

Suddenly,heseessomeonecaught in theragingcurrent,bouncedabouton thejagged rocks, and hears him calling for help.He leaps in, pulls the drowningman to safety, gives him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, attends to the man'swounds,andcallsformedicalhelp.Ashe'sstillcatchinghisbreath,hehearstwomorescreamsemanatingfromtheriver.Again,hejumpsinandmakesanotherdaring rescue, this timeof twoyoungwomen.Beforeheevenhasachance tothink,hehearsfourmorepeoplecallingforhelp.Prettysoonthemanisexhausted,havingrescuedvictimaftervictim,andyetthescreamscontinue.Ifonlyhehadtakenthetimetotravelashortdistanceupriver,hecouldhavediscoveredwhowasthrowingallthosepeopleinthewaterinthefirstplace!Hecouldhavesavedallhiseffortsbyaddressingtheproblematitscauseratherthanitseffect.Similarly, understanding theMaster System allows you to eliminate the causeinsteadofexhaustingyourselffightingtheeffects.OneofthefinestprogramsIeverdesignedismythree-dayDateWithDestinyseminar.Insteadof theusual2,000participants,Ilimitthisprogramto200people.AtDateWithDestiny,wework together to assist each person to understand exactly how their MasterSystemissetup.Thisunderstanding transformspeople:suddenly theyunderstandwhy theyfeelthe things they feel anddo the things theydo.Theyalso learnhow tochangevirtually anything in their lives.Most importantly, we then have them designwhattheirMasterSystemneedstobeinorderforthemtoachievetheirultimatepurpose in life.How can they organize themselves so they can be effortlesslypulledinthedirectionoftheirdesiresratherthanbepulledapartbyasenseofconflictingvalues,beliefs,orrules?Someofthemostimportantquestionsweaskinthisprogramare"Whatarethevaluesthatarecontrollingme?HowdoIknowwhenmyvaluesarebeingmet—what are my rules?" Date With Destiny has been attended not only by U.S.senators and congressmen. Fortune 500 CEOs, and movie stars, but also bypeople from everywalk of life.All of us have in common some of the samechallenges.Howdowedealwithdisappointment,frustration,failure,andcertainevents in our environment that we can't control nomatter how successful we

become?The emotionswe feel and the actionswe take are based on howwe evaluatethings. And yet, most of us have not set up this system of evaluation forourselves. The profound changes that people experience in this program in amere threedays arebeyondwords.People literally change theway they thinkandthewaytheyfeelabouttheirlivesinamatterofmoments,becausetheytakecontrol of the portion of their brain that controls their experience of life. Thechanges end up being emotional and even physical as the brain sets newpriorities forwhat'smost important.While this book is not a replacement forDateWithDestiny,Iwanttoprovidethesamefoundationaltoolsthatweuseinthat program for your immediate use.With the chapters that follow, you canproducethesamekindsofchangesinyourlifestartingnow.TESTWHATYOU'VELEARNEDTostimulateyourthinkingabouthowyourMasterSystemworks,letmeask

youafewprovocativequestionsthatshouldopenthefloodgatesofyourthoughtandhelpyoutoidentifyhowdifferentportionsofyoursystemareusedtomakedecisions.ANSWER THE FOLLOWING FOUR QUESTIONS BEFORE YOU READON:1.Whatisyourmosttreasuredmemory?2. Ifyoucouldendworldhunger todaybykillingone innocentperson,wouldyou?Whyorwhynot?3.IfyoubumpedaredPorscheandscratchedit,andnoonewasaround,wouldyouleaveanote?Whyorwhynot?4. If you could earn $10,000 for eating a bowlful of live cockroaches,wouldyou?Whyorwhynot?Nowlet'sreviewhowyouansweredeachofthesequestions.AsyoulookatthediagramofyourMasterSystem,whichof the fiveareasofevaluationdidyouuse toanswer the firstquestion?Certainlyyouaskedaquestionofyourself inorder to begin to evaluate—you probably repeated the question I asked. Theanswer, though, was retrieved from your references, wasn't it? You pickedthroughthemyriadexperiencesyou'vehadinyourlife,andfinallyselectedoneasyourmosttreasuredmemory.Ormaybeyoufailedtoselectonebecauseyouhaveabeliefthatsays,"Allexperiencesoflifearetreasured"or"Selectingoneover anotherwill be denigrating to some other life experience." Those beliefswouldpreventyoufromansweringthequestion.Yousee,ourMasterSystemofevaluationnotonlydetermineswhatweevaluateandhowweevaluate,butevenwhatwe'rewillingtoevaluate.

Let's review thesecondquestion,one that ismore intenseandwhich I read inThe Book of Questions: If you could end world hunger today by killing oneinnocent person,would you?When I ask people this question, I usually get arather intense set of answers. Some people say, "Absolutely," their rationalebeingthatthelivesofthemanyoutweighthelifeofanindividual.Thewaytheysee it, if one personwerewilling to suffer, and it would end all suffering onearth, theendwould justify themeans.Othersareaghastat this thought.Theybelieveeveryhumanlifeisvaluable.That'salsobasedonasetofbeliefs,isn'tit?Othershaveaglobalbeliefthateverythinginlifeisexactlyasitshould be, and that all these people who are starving are getting invaluablelessonsfortheirnextincarnation.Andsomepeoplesay,"Yes,Iwoulddoit,butI'dtakemyownlife."It'sinterestinghowindividualsrespondwithsuchvaryingreactionstothesamequestionbasedonwhichofthefiveelementsofevaluationtheyuseandthecontentthey'vestored.Howaboutthethirdquestion:IfyoubumpedaredPorscheandscratchedit,andno one was around, would you leave a note? Some people would say,"Absolutely." Why? Their highest value is honesty. Other people say,"Absolutely,"butthereasontheywoulddoitisthatoneofthethingstheyavoidmostintheworldisguilt.Notleavinganotewouldmakethemfeelguilty,andthat'stoopainful.Otherswillsay,"Iwouldn'tleaveanote,"andwhenaskedwhythey'llsay,"Well,it'shappenedtomeseveraltimes,andnobodyleftmeanote."So they're saying they have personal references that made them develop thebelief,"Dountoothersasthey'vedoneuntoyou."Here'sthefourthquestion:Ifyoucouldearn$10,000foreatingabowlfuloflivecockroaches,wouldyou?InvariablyIgetveryfewaffirmativeresponses.Why?Mostpeople'sreferencesforcockroachestheimagesandsensationsthatthey'vestored in their bodies—are intensely negative. Certainly cockroaches are notsomething they'dwant to put in their systems.But then I raise the ante:Howmanyofyouwoulddoitfor$100,000?Graduallythereisashiftintheroomaspeople begin to raise their handswho previously had said no.Whywill theysuddenlydo it for$100,000?Well,whathappened to their evaluation system?Twothings:Iaskedadifferentquestionbychangingoneword,andsecond,theyhave abelief that $100,000 could eliminate a lot of pain in their lives,maybesomeof the long-termpain thatwould bemore difficult to dealwith than theshort-termpainoflivecockroachessquigglingdowntheirthroats.Howabout $1million?Howabout $10million?Suddenly themajority of thepeopleintheroomareraisingtheirhands.Theybelievethelong-termpleasurethat the$10millionwouldallowthemtogive to themselvesandotherswouldfar outweigh the short-term pain. Still, some people would not eat live

cockroachesforanyamountofmoney.Whenaskedwhynot,theysaythingslike"Icouldneverkillalivingthing"or"Whatgoesaroundcomesaround."Otherpeoplesay,"Ikillcockroachesallthetime, just because they're inmyway!"Oneman even said he could eat themeasily,andthathewoulddoitforfun,notthemoney!Why?Thereasonisthathegrewup inacountrywherecockroachesandother insectsareconsideredadelicacy. Different people have different references and different ways ofevaluatingthings—interesting,isn'tit?THERECOMESATIME...AswestudythesefiveelementsoftheMasterSystem,there'soneothertheme

weneedtobearinmind:it'scertainlypossibletooverevaluate.Humanbeingslovetoanalyzethingstodeath.Thereisapoint,however,whenwe'vegottostopevaluatingandtakeaction.Forexample,somepeoplemakesomany evaluations that even a minor decision turns into a major production:maybe theycan't get themselves to exercise regularly aspartof their lifestyle.Why?Theyseeitasamajorproduction.Thewaythey"chunk"theexperience,thewaytheylookatit,therearesomanystepsthatthey'reintimidated.Inordertoexercise,theymust1)getup;2)findsomeworkoutweartheydon'tlooktoofatin;3)pickouttherightathleticshoes;4)packeverythingupintheirgymbag;5)schleppovertothegym;6)findaparkingspot;7)climbthestairs;8)signin;9)gointothelockerroom;10)squeezeintotheworkoutclothes;and11)finallyattendtheclass,hitthestationarybicycle,andsweatlikecrazy.Andthenwhenthey'redone,12)theyhavetodoallofthisagaininreverse.Of course, these same people can easily get themselves to go to the beach.They'rereadyinaheartbeat!Ifyouaskthemwhy,they'lltellyou,"Well,togotothebeach,youjusthopinthecarandgo!"Theydon'tstoptoevaluateeachandeverystepalongtheway;theyseeitasonegiantstep,evaluatingonlywhethertogoornot,noteverylittledetail.Sometimesevaluatingtoomanydetailscancauseustofeeloverloadedoroverwhelmed.Oneofthethingswe'lllearnhere,then,istoputmanyminorstepstogetherintoonebig"chunk"—onegiantstep,ifyouwill—thattheminuteyoutakeityou'llgettheresultthatyouwant.Inthissection,we'regoingtoanalyzeourevaluationsystem,putittogetherinawaythatmakessense,andthenstartusingitinsteadofdeliberatingaboutit.Asyoucontinuethroughthenextfewchapters,realizethatyouhaveanopportunityto create leverage on yourself that will produce changes youmay never havethoughtpossiblebefore.So let's cut right to the chase . I'll be coaching you on revealing what your

present evaluation system is and setting up a new Master System that isconsistentlyempowering.Youalreadyknowthepowerofstateandquestions,solet'sproceedtothethirdareaofevaluations.Let'slookat...

LIFEVALUES:YOURPERSONALCOMPASS"Nothingsplendidhaseverbeenachievedexceptbythosewhodaredbelieve

thatsomethinginsideofthemwassuperiortocircumstance."BRUCEBARTONCourage,determination,perseverance,dedication...AsRossPerotconducted

the tensebriefing inDallas,hesawthosequalitiesreflected in thefacesof themenhehadhandpickedforanextraordinaryrescuemission.Intheearlydaysof1979,civilunrestandanti-AmericahysteriawererisingtoafeverpitchinIran,andonlyafewdaysbefore,twoofPerot'scorporateexecutivesinTeheranhadbeen inexplicably jailed. Bail was set at $13 million. When high-powereddiplomatic negotiations failed to get results, Perot decided that therewas onlyonewaytogethismenout:he'dhavetodoithimself.Callingupontheexpertiseof legendaryarmycolonelArthur"Bull"Simons to lead thisdaringraid,Perotquickly assembleda crack teamofhis topexecutives topull off the jailbreak.They were selected because they'd all been in Teheran and had militaryexperience.He called hismen "Eagles" to signify "high flierswho used theirinitiative,gotthejobdone,andgaveresults,notexcuses."The rewards would be high if theywon, but the risks were even greater: themissionwascompletelyunauthorized,andnotonlywasfailureapossibility,butsowasdeath.WhatdroveRossPerottomusterallhisresources,totaketherisksanddefytheodds?Clearly,he'samanwholivesbyhisvalues.Courage,loyalty,love,commitment,anddeterminationareallvaluesthatgivehimanexceptionalcapacitytocareandastrengthofwillthatislegendary.Thesesamevalueswerethe force that drovehim tobuild his company,EDS (ElectronicDataSystemsCorporation),fromathousand-dollarinvestmentintoanenterpriseworthbillionsofdollars.Herosetothetopbecauseofhiscapacitytoevaluateandselect therightmen.Hechosethembasedonastrictcodeofvaluesandheknewthatwiththerightpeople,thosewhoheldhighenoughstandards,allhe'dhavetodowasgivethemthejobtodoandgetoutoftheirway.Now hewould have the ultimate test of the people he'd selected as he calledupon them to summon their finest resourcesand rescuea fewmembersof thecorporate"family."Thestoryoftheirmissionandthechallengestheymetcanbefound in thebookOnWingsofEagles.Suffice it to say thatdespiteobstaclesbeyondcompare,Perot'sheroicrescuemissionsucceededandbroughthomehis

mostvaluedassets:hispeople."Aman'scharacterishisguardiandivinity."

HERACLITUSValuesguideoureverydecisionand,therefore,ourdestiny.Thosewhoknow

their values and live by them become the leaders of our society. They areexemplified by outstanding individuals throughout our nation, from theboardroom to the classroom. For example, did you see the movie Stand andDeliver?IttoldthestoryofthemaverickmathteacherJaimeEscalante.WereyouasinspiredasIwasbytheheroicstrideshemadeintransmittingtohisstudents his passion for learning? He got them to associate in their nervoussystems,at thedeepest level,asenseofpride in theircapacity tomaster thosethingsotherswerecertain theycouldnever learn.Hisexampleofcommitmenttranslated to these young people the power of values. They learned from himdiscipline,confidence,theimportanceoftheteam,flexibility,andthepowerofabsolutedetermination.Hedidn't talk to thesekids in thebarrio aboutwhat they shoulddowith theirlives;hewasalivingdemonstration,anewdefinitionofwhatwaspossible.Henot only got them to pass a calculus placement test in numbers that everyonethoughtwereimpossible,buthealsogotthemtochangetheirbeliefsaboutwhothey were and what they were capable of if they consistently committed toholdingthemselvestoahigherstandard.Ifwewant the deepest level of life fulfillment,we can achieve it in only oneway,andthatisbydoingwhatthesetwomenhavedone:bydecidinguponwhatwevaluemostinlife,whatourhighestvaluesare,andthencommittingtoliveby them every single day. Unfortunately, this action is far too rare in today'ssociety.Toooften,peoplehavenoclearideaofwhat'simportanttothem.Theywaffleonanyissue;theworldisamassofgraytothem;theynevertakeastandtoranythingoranyone.IfyouandIarenotclearaboutwhat'smostimportantinourlives-whatwetrulystandfor—thenhowcanweeverexpecttolaythefoundationforasenseofself-esteem,muchlesshavethecapacitytomakeeffectivedecisions?Ifyou'veeverfound yourself in a situation where you had a tough time making a decisionaboutsomething,thereasonisthatyouweren'tclearaboutwhatyouvaluemostwithinthatsituation.Wemustrememberthatalldecisionmakingcomesdowntovaluesclarification.When you know what's most important to you, making a decision is quitesimple.Most people, though, are unclear aboutwhat'smost important in theirlives,and thusdecisionmakingbecomesaformof internal torture.This isnot

true for those who've clearly defined the highest principles of their lives. Itwasn't tough forRoss Perot to knowwhat to do.His values dictated it. Theyactedashispersonalcompasstoguidehimthroughasituationfraughtwithperil.Recently,EscalantelefttheLosAngelesschoolsystemthathe'dbeenworkinginto move to northern California. Why? He could no longer be a part of anorganization where he believed there were no standards for a teacher'sperformance.Who are the most universally admired and respected people in our culture?Aren't they thosewhohavea solidgraspof theirownvalues,peoplewhonotonlyprofesstheirstandards,butlivebythem?Weallrespectpeoplewhotakeastandforwhattheybelieve,evenifwedon'tconcurwiththeirideasaboutwhat'srightandwhat'swrong.Thereispowerinindividualswhocongruentlyleadliveswheretheirphilosophiesandactionsareone.Most often we recognize this unique state of the human condition as anindividual with integrity. Culturally, these people have come in many forms,fromtheJohnWaynesandRossPerots,totheBobHopesandJerryLewises,tothe Martin Sheens and Ralph Naders, to the Norman Cousinses and WalterCronkites.The fact of thematter is that thosewe perceive to be congruent intheirvalueshaveatremendouscapacitytohaveaninfluencewithinourculture.DoyourememberthenightlynewscastswithWalterCronkite?Walterwaswithus on all themost important days of our lives: during tragedies and triumphs,whenJohnF.Kennedywasassassinated,andwhenNeilArmstrongfirstsettootonthemoon.Walterwaspartofourfamily.Wetrustedhimimplicitly.AtthebeginningoftheVietnamWar,hereportedonitinthestandardway,withanobjectiveviewofourinvolvement,butaftervisitingVietnamhisviewofthewarchanged,andhisvaluesofintegrityandhonesty required that, rightlyorwrongly, he communicatehis disillusionment.Regardlessofwhetheryouagreedwithhimornot,theimpacthehadmayhavebeen one of the final straws that causedmany inMiddleAmerica to begin toquestion the war for the first time. Now it wasn't just a few radical studentsprotestingVietnam,but"UncleWalt."TheconflictinVietnamwastrulyavaluesconflictwithinourculture.People'sperceptionofwhatwasrightandwrong,whatcouldmakeadifference,wasthebattle fought at homewhile theboysoverseasput their bloodandgutson theline,somenotknowingwhy.Aninconsistencyofvaluesamongourleadershasbeen one of the greatest sources of pain in our culture. Watergate certainlywoundedmanyAmericans.Yet,throughitall,ourcountryhascontinuedtogrowand expand because there are individuals who continually come forth todemonstratewhat'spossibleandholdustoahigherstandard—whetherit'sBob

GeldoffocusingtheattentionoftheworldonthefamineinAfricaorEdRobertsmobilizing the political forces necessary to change the quality of life for thephysicallychallenged."Everytimeavalueisborn,existencetakesonanewmeaning;everytimeone

dies,somepartofthatmeaningpassesaway."JOSEPHWOODKRUTCHWeneedtorealizethatthedirectionofourlivesiscontrolledbythemagnetic

pullofourvalues.Theyare the force in frontofus,consistently leadingus tomake decisions that create the direction and ultimate destination of our lives.This is true, not only for us as individuals, but also for the companies,organizations,andthenationofwhichwe'reapan.Clearly, the values that our FoundingFathers heldmost dear have shaped ournation'sdestiny:thevaluesoffreedom,choice,equality,asenseofcommunity,hard work, individuality, challenge, competition, prosperity, and respect forthose who have the strength to overcome great adversity have consistentlysculpted the experience of American life and thus our joint destinies. Thesevalues have caused us to be an ever expanding country that innovates andcontinuallyprovidesavisionofpossibilityforpeopletheworldover.Would a different set of national and cultural values have shaped our countrydifferently?Youbet!What if thevalueheldmost importantbyour forefatherswas stability? Or conformity? How would that have changed the face of ourgreatland?InChina,forexample,oneofthehighestvaluesinthecultureisthevalue of the group versus that of the individual, the idea that an individual'sneeds must be subservient to the group's. How has this shaped Chinese lifedifferentlythanAmericanlife?Thefactis,withinourownnationthereareconstantshiftsgoingonwithinthevalues of the culture as a whole.While there are certain foundational values,significantemotionaleventscancreateshiftsinindividualsandthereforeinthecompanies, organizations, and countries that they make up. The changes inEasternEuropeareclearlythemostprofoundvalueshiftsthathaveoccurredintheworldcommunityinourlifetimes.Whathappenswithcountriesandindividualsalsohappenswithcompanies.IBMis an example of a corporationwhose direction and destinywas set up by itsfounder, TomWatson. How?He clearly definedwhat the company stood for,whatwouldbemost important for all people to experience regardless ofwhatproducts, services, or financial climates they would enter in the future. Heguided "Big Blue" into being one of the world's largest and most successful

companies.Whatcanwelearnfromallthis?Inourpersonalandprofessionallives,aswellas on the global front,wemust get clear aboutwhat ismost important in ourlivesanddecidethatwewilllivebythesevalues,nomatterwhathappens.Thisconsistencymust occur regardless of whether the environment rewards us forliving by our standards or not.We must live by our principles even when it"rainsonourparade,"evenifnoonegivesusthesupportweneed.Theonlywayforustohavelong-termhappinessistolivebyourhighestideals,toconsistentlyactinaccordancewithwhatwebelieveourlifeistrulyabout.Butwecan't do this itwedon't clearlyknowwhatourvalues are!This is thebiggest tragedy in most people's lives: many people knowwhat they want tohave,buthavenoideaofwhotheywanttobe.Getting"things"simplywillnotfulfillyou.Onlylivinganddoingwhatyoubelieveis"therightthing"willgiveyouthatsenseofinnerstrengththatwealldeserve.Rememberthatyourvalues—whatevertheyare—arethecompassthatisguidingyoutoyourultimatedestiny.Theyarecreatingyourlifepathbyguidingyoutomake certain decisions and take certain actions consistently. Not using yourinternal compass intelligently results in frustration, disappointment, lack offulfillment, and a nagging sense that life could be more if only somehow,somethingweredifferent.On theother hand, there's anunbelievablepower inlivingyourvalues:asenseofcertainty,aninnerpeace,a totalcongruencythatfewpeopleeverexperience.IFYOUDON'TKNOWYOURTRUEVALUES,PREPAREFORPAINTheonlywaywecaneverfeelhappyandfulfilledinthelongtermistolivein

accordancewith our true values. Ifwe don't,we're sure to experience intensepain. So often, people develop habitual patterns of behavior that frustrate orcould potentially destroy them: smoking, drinking, overeating, abusing drugs,attemptingtocontrolordominateothers,watchinghouruponhouroftelevision,andsoon.What'stherealproblemhere?Thesebehaviorsarereallytheresultoffrustration,anger, and emptiness that people feel because they don't have a sense offulfillmentintheirlives.They'retryingtodistractthemselvesfromthoseemptyfeelingsbyfillingthegapwiththebehaviorthatproducesa"quickfix"changeof state.Thisbehaviorbecomesapattern, andpeopleoften focusonchangingthe behavior itself rather than dealing with the cause. They don't just have adrinkingproblem;theyhaveavaluesproblem.Theonlyreasonthey'redrinkingistotrytochangetheiremotionalstatebecausetheydon'tlikethewaytheyfeel,moment bymoment. They don't knowwhat'smost important to them in their

lives.Theconsolationisthatwheneverwedolivebyourhigheststandards,wheneverwefulfillandmeetourvalues,wefeel immensejoy.Wedon'tneedtheexcessfoodor drink.Wedon't need to put ourselves into a stupor, because life itselfbecomes so incredibly richwithout these excesses.Distracting ourselves fromsuch incredible heights would be like taking sleeping pills on Christmasmorning.Guess what the challenge is! As always, we were already asleep when theessenceofwhatwouldshapeourliveswasformed.Wewerechildrenwhodidn'tunderstand the importance of having a clear sense of our values, or adultsdealing with the pressures of life, already distracted to the point where wecouldn'tdirecttheformationofourvalues.Imustreiteratethateverydecisionisguidedbythesevalues,andinmostcases,wedidn'tsetthemup.If I asked you tomake a list of your top ten values in life, to write them inpreciseorderofimportance,I'dbewillingtobetthatonlyonein10,000coulddoit.(AndthatVioodiofapercentwouldhaveattendedmyDateWithDestinyseminar!)Butifyoudon'tknowtheanswertothisquestion,howcanyoumakeanycleardecisionsatall?Howcanyoumakechoicesthatyouknowinthelongtermwillmeetyourdeepestemotionalneeds?It'shardtohitatargetwhenyoudon'tknowwhatitis!Knowingyourvaluesiscriticaltobeingabletolivethem.Anytimeyouhavedifficultymakinganimportantdecision,youcanbesurethatit's the result of being unclear about your values.What if you were asked tomoveyourfamilyacrossthecountryinconnectionwithanewjob?Ifyouknewthattherewassomeriskinvolved,butthatthecompensationwouldbebetterandthe jobwould bemore interesting,whatwouldyoudo?Howyou answer thisquestionwilldependentirelyonwhat'smostimportanttoyou:personalgrowthorsecurity?Adventureorcomfort?Bytheway,whatdetermineswhetheryouvalueadventuremorethancomfort?Your values came from a mixed bag of experiences, of lifelong conditioningthroughpunishmentandreward.Yourparentscongratulatedandsupportedyouwhenyoudid things thatagreedwith theirvalues,andwhenyouclashedwiththeirvalues,youwerepunishedeitherphysically,verbally,orthroughthepainofbeingignored.Yourteachers,too,encouragedandapplaudedyouwhenyoudidthings they agreed with, and applied similar forms of punishment when youviolated their most deeply held views. This cycle was perpetuated by yourfriendsandemployers.Youmodeledthevaluesofyourheroes,andmaybesomeofyourantiheroesaswell.Today, new economic factors come into play.Withmost families having bothparentsworkingoutsidethehome,thereisnotraditionalrolemodelforvaluesin

the home. Schools, churches, and, on the less appetizing side, TV have allsteppedintofillthegap.Indeed,TVisourmostconvenientbabysitter,withtheaveragepersonnowwatchingtelevisionsevenhoursaday!AmIsuggestingthatthe "traditional" family structure is the only way to raise children who havestrongvalues?Ofcoursenot.What Isuggest is thatwe teachourchildrenourphilosophyoflifebybeingstrongrolemodels,byknowingourownvaluesandlivingbythem.WHATAREVALUES?Tovaluesomethingmeanstoplaceimportanceuponit;anythingthatyouhold

dear can be called a "value." In this chapter, I'm specifically referring to lifevalues,thosethingsthataremostimportanttoyouinlife.Forthiskindofvalue,therearetwotypes:endsandmeans.IfIaskyou,"Whatdoyouvaluemost?,"youmight answer, "Love, family,money . . ."Of these, love is the endvalueyou're pursuing; in other words, the emotional state you desire. Conversely,familyandmoneyaremerelymeansvalues. Inotherwords, theyare simplyawayforyoutotriggertheemotionalstatesyoureallydesire.If I askedyou, "Whatdoes familygiveyou?,"youmight say, "Love, security,happiness."Whatyoutmlyvalue—theendsyou'reafter—arelove,security,andhappiness. Similarly, with money, I could ask you, "What does money reallymean to you?What does it give you?"Youmight say, "Freedom, impact, theability to contribute, a sense of security." Again, you see,money ismerely ameanstoachievingamuchdeepersetofvalues,asetofemotionsthatyoudesiretoexperienceonaconsistentbasisinyourlife.Thechallengeinlifeisthatmostpeoplearenotclearonthedifferencebetweenmeans and ends values, and therefore, they experience a lot of pain. So oftenpeople are too busy pursuing means values that they don't achieve their truedesire: their endsvalues.The endsvalues are those thatwill fulfill you,makeyourliferichandrewarding.Oneof thebiggestchallengesIseeis thatpeoplekeepsettinggoalswithoutknowingwhat they trulyvalue in life,and thereforetheyendupachievingtheirgoalsandsaying,"Isthisallthereis?"Forexample,let'ssayawoman'shighestvaluesarecaringandcontribution,andshe chooses tobecomean attorneybecause sheoncemet a lawyerwho reallyimpressedher as being able tomake a difference andhelp people throughhiswork.As timegoesby, shegets caughtup in thewhirlwindofpracticing law,andaspirestobecomeapartnerinherfirm.Asshepursuesthisposition,herworktakesonanentirelydifferentfocus.Shebegins to dominate and run the firm, andbecomesoneof themost successfulwomensheknows,yetshefeelsunhappybecauseshenolongerhasanycontact

withclients.Herpositionhascreatedadifferentrelationshipwithherpeers,andshe spends all her time in meetings ironing out protocol and procedure. Sheachievedhergoal,butmissedoutonherlife'sdesire.Haveyoueverfallenintothistrapofpursuingthemeansasiftheyweretheendyouwereafter?Inordertobe trulyhappy,wemustknowthedifference,andbesure topursue theenditself.

MOVING-TOWARDVALUES

While it's absolutely true that you and I are constantly motivated to movetowardpleasurableemotionalstates, it'salso true thatwevaluesomeemotionsmorethanothers.Forexample,whataretheemotionalstatesthatyouvaluemostin life?Whatare theemotions thatyou thinkwillgiveyou themostpleasure?Loveorsuccess?Freedomorintimacy?Adventureorsecurity?Icallthesepleasurablestatesthatwevaluemostmoving-towardvaluesbecausethesearetheemotionalstateswe'lldothemosttoattain.Whataresomeofthefeelingsthataremostimportantforyoutoexperienceinyourlifeonaconsistentbasis?Whenasked thisquestionat seminars,myaudiences invariably respondwithwordslike:LoveSuccessFreedomIntimacySecurityAdventurePowerPassionComfortHealthIt'scertainlytruethatyouprobablyvaluealloftheseemotions,andthatthey'reall importantforyoutofeel.Butwouldn't itbefair tosaythatyoudon'tvaluethemallequally?Obviouslytherearesomeemotionalstatesthatyou'lldomoretoachievethanothers.Intruth,weallhaveahierarchyofvalues.Eachpersonwholooksatthislistwillseesomeemotionalstatesasbeingmoreimportanttothemthanothers.Thehierarchyofyourvaluesiscontrollingthewayyoumakedecisionsineachmoment.Somepeoplevaluecomfortoverpassion,orfreedomoversecurity,orintimacyoversuccess.Takeamoment rightnow,anddiscover fromthis listwhichof theseemotionsyouvaluemost.Simplyrewritethelistinyourorderofimportance,with1beingthe emotional state you hold asmost important, and 10 being least important.Pleasetakeamomentnowandfillintheblanksinyourorderofimportance."Bemoreconcernedwithyourcharacter thanyour reputation,becauseyour

character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what othersthinkyouare."

JOHNWOODENSowhatdidyoulearnbydoingthisranking?IfIweresittingnext toyou,I

could probably give you some quality feedback. For example, I'd know a lotabout you if your number-one value was freedom, followed by passion,adventure, and power. I know you're going to make different decisions thansomeonewhose topvaluesare security, comfort, intimacy, andhealth.Doyouthinkapersonwhosenumber-onevalueisadventuremakesdecisionsthesamewayassomeonewhosenumber-onevalueissecurity?Doyouthinkthesepeoplewoulddrivethesamekindofcar?Takethesamekindofvacation?Seekoutthesameprofession?Farfromit.Remember,whateveryourvaluesare, theyaffect thedirectionofyourlife.Wehavealllearnedthroughourlife'sexperiencethatcertainemotionsgiveusmorepleasure than others. For example, some people have learned that the way tohavethemostpleasurableemotionsinlifeistohaveasenseofcontrol,sotheypursue it with incredible vigor. It becomes the dominant focus of all theiractions:itshapeswhotheywillhaverelationshipswith,whattheywilldowithinthoserelationships,andhowthey'lllive.Italsocausesthem,asyoucanimagine,tofeelquiteuncomfortableinanyenvironmentwherethey'renotincharge.Conversely,somepeoplelinkpaintotheideaofcontrol.Whattheywantmorethan anything else is a sense of freedomand adventure.Therefore, theymakedecisionscompletelydifferently.Othersgetthesamelevelofpleasurethroughadifferentemotion:contribution.Thisvaluecausesthatpersontoconstantlyask,"What can I give?How can Imake a difference?"This'would certainly sendtheminadifferentdirectionfromsomeonewhosehighestvaluewascontrol.Onceyouknowwhatyourvaluesare,youcanclearlyunderstandwhyyouheadinthedirectionsthatyoudoonaconsistentbasis.Also,byseeingthehierarchyofyourvalues,youcanseewhysometimesyouhavedifficultymakingdecisionsorwhytheremaybeconflictsinyourlife.Forexample,ifaperson'snumber-onevalueisfreedom,andnumbertwoisintimacy,thesetwoincompatiblevaluesaresocloselyrankedthatoftenthispersonwillhavechallenges.IrememberamanIcounseledatonetimewhowasconstantlyfeelingthispush-pull.Heconsistentlysoughtautonomy,butwhenheachievedit,hefeltaloneandcravedintimacy.Then,ashepursuedintimacy,hebecamefearfulhewouldlosehis freedom, and so he'd sabotage the relationship.One particular relationshipwascontinuallyon-again,off-againwhilehecycledbetween these twovalues.After I helped himmake a simple change in the hierarchy of his values, hisrelationship and his life was instantly changed. Shifting priorities producespower.Knowingyourownvalueshelpsyoutogetmoreclarityastowhyyoudo

whatyoudoandhowyoucanlivemoreconsistently,butknowingthevaluesofothersisequallyimportant.Mightitbevaluabletoknowthevaluesofsomeoneyou're inarelationshipwith,orsomebodyyou're inbusinesswith?Knowingaperson'svaluesgivesyouafixontheircompass,andallowsyoutohaveinsightinto their decision making. Knowing your own hierarchy is also absolutelycriticalbecauseyour topvaluesare those thataregoing tobringyou themosthappiness. Of course, what you really want to do is set it up so that you'remeetingallofyourvalueseveryday.Ifyoudon't,you'llexperiencewhatseemslikeaninexplicablefeelingofemptinessorunhappiness.Mydaughter,Jolie,livesanincrediblyrichlifeinwhichherhighestvaluesarealmost alwaysmet.She is also awonderful actress, dancer, and singer.At theage of sixteen, she auditioned to perform atDisneyland (something she knewwouldfulfillhervalueofaccomplishmentifshesucceeded).Incredibly,shebeatout700othergirls towinapart in the fabledamusementpark'sElectricLightParade. Initially, Jolie was ecstatic. We, along with her friends, were all sodelightedandproudofher,andwewould frequentlydriveuponweekends tosee her perform. Her schedule, however, was extremely taxing. Jolie had toperformeveryweeknightaswellasweekends,andherschooltermwasn'toverforthesummeryet.SoshehadtodrivefromSanDiegotoOrangeCountyeveryeveninginrush-hour traffic,rehearseandperformforseveralhours, thendrivebackhomeintheweehoursofthenightsoshecouldgetupagainearlythenextmorning in time for school.Asyou can imagine, the daily commute and longhours soon turned the experience into a grueling ordeal , not to mention theextremelyheavycostumeshehadtowearwhichhurtherback.Evenworse,however,fromJolie'sperspective,wasthefactthatherdemandingschedulecutdrastically intoherpersonal lifeandpreventedher fromspendinganytimewithourfamilyandherfriends.Ibegantonoticeherwanderingaboutinaseriesofveryunresourcefulemotionalstates.Shewouldcryatthedropofahat,andbegantocomplainabout thingsonaconsistentbasis.ThiswastotallyunlikeJolie.The final strawwas that thewhole familywaspreparing togo toHawaii for our three-weekCertification program—everyone except Jolie,whohadtostayhomeinordertocontinuetoworkatDisneyland.One morning, she hit threshold and came to me in tears, undecided andconfused.Shefeltsofrustrated,sounhappyandunfulfilled,yetshehadachievedwhatseemedlikeanunbelievablegoalonlysixmonthsearlier.Disneylandhadbecomepainful for her.Why?Because it became an obstacle to her ability tospendtimewithallthoseshelovedmost.PlusJoliealwayshadfeltthatthetimeshespentatCertification,wheresheparticipatedasatrainer,helpedhertogrowmore thanvirtuallyanythingelse inher life.Manyofher friends fromaround

thecountryattended thisprogrameachyear,andDisneylandwasbeginning tofeel frustrating toher because she reallydidn't feel like shewas expandingorgrowing there at all. She was feeling pain if she decided to comewith us toCertification(becauseshedidn'twanttobeaquitter)andpainifshecontinuedtowork at Disneyland because it would mean she'd miss out on the things thatseemedsoimportanttoher.WesatdowntogethersothatIcouldhelphertakeacloselookatwhathertopfourvaluesareinlife.Theyturnedouttobe:1)love,2)healthandvibrancy,3)growth, and4) accomplishment.By turning toher values, I knew that I couldhelphergettheclaritysheneededtomakethedecisionthatwouldberightforher. So I asked her, "What does working at Disneyland give you? What'simportant aboutworking atDisneyland?" She toldme that shewas originallyexcited about it because she saw it as an opportunity to make new friends,receiverecognitionforherwork,havefun,andexperiencea tremendoussenseofaccomplishment.Atthispoint,though,shesaidshewasn'tfeelingverymuchaccomplishmentatall because shedidn't feel like shewasgrowing anymore, and sheknew therewere other things she could be doing that would accelerate her career morerapidly.Shealsosaid,"I'mburningmyselfintotheground.I'mnothealthy,andImissbeingwiththefamilytremendously."ThenIaskedher,"Whatwouldmakingachangeinthisareaofyourlifemean?IfyouleftDisneyland,spenttimeathome,andthenwenttoHawaii,whatwouldthatgiveyou?"Sheimmediatelybrightened.Smiling,shesaid,"Well,I'dgettobewithyouguys.Icouldhavesometimewithmyboyfriend.I'dfeelfreeagain.Icouldgetsomerestandstartexercisingtogetmybodybackinshape.I'dkeepmy 4.0 grade point average in school. I could find other ways to grow andachieve.I'dbehappy!"Her answer as to what to do was plainly in front of her. The source of herunhappinesswasalsoclear.BeforeshestartedworkingatDisneyland,shewasfulfillinghertopthreevalues:shefeltloved,shewasveryhealthyandfit^andshe felt likeshewasgrowing.Thusshebegan topursue thenextvalueonherlist:accomplishment.But insodoing,she'dcreatedanenvironmentwheresheachieved,butmissedoutonhertopthreevalues.This is such a common experience. We all need to realize that we mustaccomplish our highest values first—these are our utmost priority. Andremember, there is always away to accomplish all our values simultaneously,andweneedtomakecertainwedon'tsettleforanythingless.There still was one final obstacle to Jolie's decision: she also linked pain toleavingDisneyland.Oneof the things sheavoidedmost in lifewasquitting. I

certainlyhadcontributedtothisview,sinceIbelievenothingiseverachievedbythose who give up whenever it gets tough. So she saw leaving her work atDisneylandasgivingup.Iassuredherthatmakingadecisiontolivecongruentlywithyourvaluesisnotquitting,nor isfoolishconsistencyavirtue.Iwouldbethe firstperson toensure that shecontinue if I thought shewas justgivingupbecausetheworkwastootough.Butthatwasnotthecase,andIofferedhertheopportunitytoturnthistransitionintoagiftforsomeoneelse.Isaid,"Jolie,canyouimaginehowyou'dfeelifyouwerethefirstrunner-up,andallofasuddenthewinnersteppeddown,andnowyouhadachancetobeintheparade?Whydon'tyougivethatgift tosomeoneelse?"BecausepartofJolie'sdefinitionofloveiscontribution,thisimmediatelytappedintoherhighestvalue.She stopped linking pain to quitting, and now associated pleasure to herdecision.Thisvalueslessonisoneshe'sneverforgotten,andthemostexcitingthingwasthatshefoundanewwaytomeetallofhervaluesthatbegantomovehermorepreciselyinthedirectionofhergoals.Shenotonlybegantofeelmorefunandhappiness, but shortly thereafter she got her first job in a SanDiegoStarlightTheaterproduction.

LESSONSINPAIN

Justasthereareemotionswedesiretoexperiencebecausethey'repleasurable,and that's why we're always moving toward them, we also have a list ofemotions thatwe'll do almost anything tomove away from.Very early inmycareer, when I was just beginning to build my first company, I experiencedtremendous frustration in being on the road and trying to run my businesssimultaneously.Atonepoint,itappearedthatapersonrepresentingmehadnotbeencompletelyhonest.Whenyoudeal,asIhave,withhundredsofthousandsofpeople,andliterallythousandsofbusinessarrangements,thelawofaveragessays thata fewwillattempt to takeadvantageofyou.Unfortunately, thesearethe ones that tend to stick out in ourminds rather than the hundreds or eventhousandsofbusinessrelationshipsthathavefarsurpassedourexpectations.Asa result of one such painful situation, I sought out a newCEO, amanwho Ithoughtcouldreallyrunmycompany.Armedwithmynewtoolofbeingabletoelicit someone'svalues, I askedeachof thepotential candidates, "What'smostimportant to you in your life?" Some of them said things like "success" or"accomplishment" or "being the best."But oneman used themagicword.Hesaid,"Honesty."Ididn'tjusttakehimathisword;Icheckedhimoutwithseveralpeople he'dworkedwith.They confirmed that hewas "honest as the daywaslong"andthat,infact,attimeshehadsetasidehisownneedsiftherewasanyquestionofintegrity.Ithought,"ThisisthekindofmanIwantrepresentingme."And he did a fine job. Soon, though, it became clear that we needed anadditional associate in order to really run my rapidly expanding business:someonewhohadadditionalskills.MyCEOrecommendedsomeonehethoughtcould become his partner, and they could jointly run my organization. Thissoundedgreattome.Imetthisman,whomI'llcallMr.Smith(nameshavebeenchanged to protect the not so innocent), and he did a fabulous presentation,demonstratingformehowhecouldusealltheskillshe'ddevelopedthroughouttheyearstotakemycompanytothenextlevel.Hecouldfreeupmytime,andallow me to do even larger seminars and impact even more people withouthavingtoliveontheroad.Atthetime,Iwasspendingalmost150daysayearawayfromhome,conductingmyseminars.Inaddition,hedidn'twanttobepaiduntilhe'dproducedtheresult!Itsoundedalmosttoogoodtobetrue.Iagreedtothearrangement.Mr.SmithandmyhonestCEOwouldrunmycompany.Ayearandahalflater,Iwokeupanddiscoveredthatitwastoogoodtobetrue.Yes,myseminarshadgottenbigger,butnowIwasontheroadalmost270days

ayear.Myskillandimpacthadgrown,I'dhelpedmorepeoplethaneverbefore,but suddenly Iwas informed that Iwas $758,000 in debt after I'd givenmorethan I ever had in my entire lifetime. How could this possibly be? Well,management iseverything,bothwithincompaniesandwithinourselves.AndIclearlydidnothavetherightmanagers.But worse, Mr. Smith had over this eighteen-month period of timemisappropriatedmore than a quarter of amillion dollars fromour coffers.Hehad a new house, a new car—I had assumed he'd gotten them from his otherbusinesses.Boy,wasIinforasurprise!TosaythatIwasangryordevastatedbythisexperiencewouldcertainlybeusingTransformationalVocabulary to lowertheintensityofmyfeelings.ThemetaphorsIusedatthetimewerethingslike"Ifeelstabbedintheback"and"Hetriedtomurdermyfirstborn."How'sthatforemotionalintensity?However,thethingthatperplexedmethemostwashowmyhonestCEOcouldstandbyandnotwarnmethatallthiswashappening.Hewasawareofwhatwasgoing on! This was when I began to realize that people don't just pursuepleasure,buttheyclearlyalsomoveawayfrompain.MyhonestCEOhadtriedtotellmethathewasconcernedabouthispartner.HecametomeafterI'dbeenontheroadforthreestraightmonths.Onmyfirstdayhome,heapproachedmeto tell me that he had questions about Mr. Smith's integrity. I immediatelybecameconcernedandaskedhimwhy.Hesaid, "Whenwemoved toournewoffices,hetookthebiggestoffice."ThiswassopettythatIgotextremelyangryandsaid,"Listen.Youbroughthimintothisbusiness;youdealwithhimyourselfpersonally."AndIstormedoff.IshouldhaverealizedthatdaythatI'dgiventhismanpainwhenhewastryingtogivemeinformation.InmyexhaustedandstressedstateIfailedtoevaluatethedeepermeaningofwhatwasgoingon.Asifthisweren'tbadenough,myhonestCEOapproachedmeagaintogivemesimilarfeedback.I toldhimthathewasnotbeingtotallyhonestbytalkingtomeinsteadofMr.Smith.Imarchedintohisassociate'sofficeandsaid,"He'stellingmeallthesethingsaboutyou.Youguysworkthisout!"CanyouimaginethepainhegotfromMr.Smith?AsIlookbackontheexperiencenow,Icanseeclearlywhyhedidn'ttellmethetruth.Tellingmethetruth—thathe'dbroughtsomeoneintomybusinesswho'dmisappropriatemorethanaquarterofamilliondollars—seemedtohim,intheshortterm,tobemuchmorepainfulthanjustputtingitoffandtryingtofindsomeotherwaytodealwithiteventually.Infact,asIlookbackonalltheupsetsIeverhadwiththisCEO,invariablytheyallcamedowntotimeswhenhedidn'tdothingsheneededtodosimplybecausehewantedtoavoidthefeelingofconfrontation.Thiswastheultimatepainfor

him,Sowhilehonestywasimportant tohim,avoidingconfrontationwasmoreimportant.Thushesimplydidnotcommunicatetome,andrationalizedthathewas being honest because, after all, I had never asked him ifMr. Smith wastakingmoney.IfIhad,hewouldhavetoldme.Asangryasthissituationmademe,andaspainfulasitwas financiallyandemotionally, itprovidedmewithoneof themostvaluablelessons ofmy life because it gavemeone of the final pieces in the puzzle ofunderstanding human behavior. Understanding these twin forces of pain andpleasurehashelpedmenotonly topositively influencemyselfandmyfamily,butpeoplearoundtheworldwithgreaterprecision.

MOVING-AWAY-FROMVALUES

Wemustremember,then,thatanytimewemakeadecisionaboutwhattodo,our brain first evaluates whether that action can possibly lead to eitherpleasurable or painful states. Your brain is constantly juggling , or weighing,your alternatives to see what the impact may be, based upon your valuehierarchy. If, for example, I asked you to go skydiving, and the number-oneemotionyou try to avoid at all costs is a senseof fear, it's prettyobvious thatyou'renotgoingtotakeaction,areyou?If,however,thenumber-onevalueyouwant to avoid at all costs is a feelingof rejection, andyoubelieve that Imayrejectyouifyoudon'tgo,youmaydecidetojumpoutofaplaneinspiteofyourfear.Therelativelevelsofpainweassociatewithcertainemotionswillaffectallofourdecisions.What are some of the emotions that are most important for you to avoidexperiencing on a consistent basis? Often when I ask people this question atseminars,theycomeupwithalistsuchasthefollowing:RejectionAngerFrustrationLonelinessDepressionFailureHumiliationGuiltAgain, would it be fair to say that all these emotions are states you'd like toavoidhavingtofeel?Ofcourse,becausethey'repainful.Wouldn'titalsobetruetosaythat,whileyouwanttoavoidfeelingalloftheseemotions,somearemorepainfultoyouthanothers?That,infact,youhaveahierarchyofmoving-away-fromvaluesaswell?Whichvalueon theabove listwouldyoudo themost toavoid having to feel? Rejection, depression, humiliation? The answer to thisquestionwilldetermineyourbehaviorinalmostanyenvironment.Take amoment beforewe go any further, andwrite this list out in the aboveblanks, ranking them from the emotional states you'll do the most to avoidhavingtofeel,tothoseyou'lldotheleasttoavoidhavingtofeel."Ihopewecanbuildauniversityourfootballteamcanbeproudof."

UNIVERSITYOFOKLAHOMAAsyoulookatyourlist,whatdoesittellyou?If,forexample,youputatthe

topofyourlistthattheemotionyouwoulddothemosttoavoidhavingtofeelishumiliation, then can you see how youwould consistently avoid entering anysituationswhereyoumightbejudgedharshly?If loneliness is the emotionyouwant to avoidmost, itmaydriveyou to be anurturingperson,reachingouttoothersandtryingtogivetothemonaregularbasis so that they'llwant to bewith you, and so that you'll be surrounded bymanygratefulfriends.THESOURCEOFSELF-SABOTAGE:VALUESCONFLICTSNow let's look at the dynamics created by your values hierarchy. If you

selectedsuccess,forexample,asyourtopmoving-towardvalue,andrejectionasyourtopmoving-away-fromvalue,doyouseeanypossiblechallengesthatthishierarchymightcreateinyourlife?I'mheretotellyouthatapersonwho'stryingtoachievethepleasureofsuccesswithouteverexperiencingthepainofrejectionwillneversucceedlongterm.Infact,thispersonwillsabotagehimselfbeforeheevertrulysucceedsonamajor scale. How can I make such a claim? Remember the basic organizingprinciplewe've talked about so often here: Peoplewill domore to avoid painthan theywill to gain pleasure. If you're truly going to succeed at the highestlevelinlife,don'tyouhavetobewillingtoriskrejection?Don'tyouhavetobewillingtoexperienceit?Isn'tittruethatevenifyou'reanhonest and sincerepersonandgiveyour all toothers everyday, there are stillpeoplewhowillmisinterpret your actions and judge youwithout even havingmet you?Whether youwant to be awriter, a singer, a speaker, or a businessperson, the potential for rejection is ever-present. Since your brain inherentlyknowsthatinordertosucceedyouhavetoriskrejection,andit'salreadydecidedthat the feelings of rejection are the ultimate levels of pain, it will make thedecisionthatthepleasureofsuccessisnotworththeprice,andwillcauseyoutosabotageyourbehaviorbeforeyouevengetinthisposition!SooftenIseepeoplewhotakehugestridesforward,onlytomysteriouslypullback at the last minute. Or they'll say or do things that sabotage the verypersonal,emotional,orphysicalsuccessthey'repursuing.Invariablythereasonisthattheyhaveamajorvaluesconflict.Partoftheirbrainissaying,"Goforit!"whiletheotherpanissaying"Ifyoudoyou'regoingtogettoomuchpain."Sotheytaketwostepsforwardandonestepback.During the 1988 election year, I used to call this principle the "Gary HartSyndrome."Herewasaniceguywho truly seemed tocarepassionately aboutpeopleandsociety,butwhosevalueconflictswereplayedoutforalltosee.WasGaryHart ahorribleguy? Idoubt it.Hewas just someonewhohadvalues in

massiveconflict.Hegrewupinachurchthat taughthimhewascommittingasin if he even danced. Simultaneously he was exposed to role models likeWarrenBeatty.TheseconflictingdesiresobviouslyplayedaroleinhispoliticaldownfallDoyouthinkthatapersonasintelligentasGaryHartclearlyseemedtobewouldtellthemedia,"Ifyou'vegotquestionsaboutme,followme"andthenimmediatelyafterwardgovisithismistress?Clearlythiswashisbrainswayofgettingoutofthepainofbeinginapositionwherehehadtoplaybyrulesotherthanhisown.Youcancallthispoppsychologyifyouwantbutdoesn'titmakesensethatifyouarebeingpulledintwodifferentdirections,youwillnotbeableto serve bothmasters? Something has to give.We'll do whatever's necessary,consciouslyorunconsciously tokeepourselves fromhaving toexperienceourmostintenselevelsofpain.We'veall seenpeople in thepubliceyewho'veexperienced thepainofvaluesconflicts,but rather thanbe judgmental,weneed to realize thateachofushasvaluesconflictswithinourselves.Why?Againsimplybecauseweneversetthesystemupforourselves.We'veallowedourenvironmenttoshapeus,butwecanbegintochangethisnow.How?Simplybytakingtwosteps:StepOneistogainawarenessofwhatyourcurrentvaluesaresoyouunderstandwhyyoudowhatyoudo.Whataretheemotionalstatesyouaremovingtoward,andwhatarethestatesyouaremovingawayfrom?Byreviewingyourlistssidebyside,you'llbeabletohaveanunderstandingoftheforcethat'screatingyourpresentandfuture.StepTwo:Youcanthenmakeconsciousdecisionsaboutwhatvaluesyouwantto liveby inorder toshape thequalityof lifeanddestinyyou trulydesireanddeserve.HOWTODISCOVERYOURCURRENTVALUESSolet'sgetstarted.You'vedonesomesamplevaluelistsbyrankingthelistsI

gaveyou.Whatyoureallyneedtodoisstartfreshwithyourownlists.Allyouhavetodotodiscoveryourvaluesisansweronesimplequestion:."What'smostimportant tomein life?"Brainstormtheanswer to thisquestion. Is itpeaceofmind? Impact? Love? Now put your values in order, frommost important toleastimportant.Takeamomentanddothisnow...WHAT'SMOSTIMPORTANTTOMEINLIFE:WhenIfirstcreatedmylistofmoving-towardvalues,thisiswhatIcameup

with,andtheorderinwhichtheyoccurred:

MYOLDLISTOFMOVING-TOWARDVALUESPassionLoveFreedomContributionBeingAbleGrowthAchievement/AccomplishmentHappinessFunHealthCreativityAsIlookedatmylist,IunderstoodwhyIwasdoingwhatIwasdoing.Iwas

such an intense individual; by anybody's description I was explosive in myapproach. I saw it asmypassion.My love formy family andmy friends andwanting to share it in seminarswasclear.Mydesirewas to freepeople, and IfiguredthatifIfreedtheindividualsaroundmeandcontributedtothem,I'dfeellikeIwasabletodoalmostanything.I'd grow and achieve and eventually have fun and be healthy and creative.Knowingmyvalues list helpedme stay on track and to live consistentlywithwhatwasmostimportanttome.Foryears,Ifeltagreatersenseofcongruencyinmylife.ButIwassoontomakeanotherdistinctionthatwouldtransformthequalityofmylifeforever.CHANGEYOURVALUES,ANDYOUCHANGEYOURLIFEAftermyexperiencewiththeinfamousMr.Smith,IwenttoFijitogetaway

fromitall. Ineeded tobalancemyselfemotionally,andgainsomeperspectiveandclarityonthesituation.Mostimportantly,IhadtodecidewhatIwasgoingto do and how Iwas going to turn things around.The first night Iwas there,before I went to sleep, I asked myself a very important question. Instead of"Whydidallthishappentome?",Ibegantoaskabetterquestion:"Whatisthesourceofallhumanbehavior?Whatmakespeopledowhattheydo?"WhenIwokeupthefollowingmorningat8a.m.,Ifeltafrenzyofideaspouringthroughme.Igrabbedmyjournalandbegantowritecontinuously,sittinginthemaincabana.Peoplewalked inandout throughout thedayas Iwrotenonstopfrom8a.m.to6:30p.m.Myarmwassore;myfingerswerenumb.Iwasn'tjustthinkingcalmlyandwriting;theideaswereliterallyexplodingthroughme.From

thisunstoppable riverof ideas, IdesignedDestinyTechnologies™andagoodportionofthescienceofNeuroAssociativeConditioning.™WhenIwentbacktoreviewmy notes, however, I couldn't read aword!But the ideas and feelingswere anchored within me. I immediately realized the potency of what I hadcreated:aprogram thatcouldhelpaperson redesign the lifeprioritiesof theirnervous system, to literally redirect the process of how peoplemake all theirdecisionsabouthowtothink,howtofeel,andwhattodoinvirtuallyeveryareaoftheirlives!I began to think about what would happen it, instead of just teaching peoplewhattheirvalueswereandclarifyingthem,Iactuallygotpeopletoconsciouslyselectorredirecttheorderandcontentoftheirvalueshierarchysystem.WhatifI took someone whose number-one value was security, and whose number-fifteenvaluewasadventure,andIswitchedtheorder,notonlyintellectuallybutsothatadventurebecamethenewhighestpriorityintheirnervoussystem?Whatkindofchangedoyouthinkthatmightmakeinsomeone'slife?Aminorone,oramajorone?The answer is obvious. By doing this, you literally change the way a personthinks,feels,andbehavesinvirtuallyeveryareaoftheirlife.Icouldn'timagineamoreprofoundshift thatahumanbeingcouldmake.Inessence, thiswouldbethekindofchangethathasbeendescribedthroughouthistory:aconversionfromSaultoPaul,ifyouwill,withthethingsthatapersonhatedmostbecomingthethingstheylovedmost,andviceversa.Couldthisreallybedone?Idecidedthatthebestpersontotestthisoutonwas,of course, myself. I began to look at my values list. At first I thought, "Myvaluesaregreat!Ilovemyvalues.Afterall,thisiswhoIam."ButIhadtokeepremindingmyselfthatwearenotourvalues.Wearemuchmorethanourvalues.Thesevalueswerenottheresultofintelligentchoicesandamasterplan.WhatIhad merely accomplished until now was discovering what priorities wereconditionedintomylife,andIhadconsciouslychosentolivewithinthesystemofpainandpleasurethathadbeenprogrammedintome.ButifIweretoreallydesignmyownlife,ifIweregoingtocreateasetofvaluesthatwouldshapetheultimatedestiny1desired,whatwouldtheyneedtobe?"Wehavemadetheeneitherofheavennorofearth,

Neithermortalnorimmortal,Sothatwithfreedomofchoiceandwithhonor,Asthoughthemakerandmolderofthyself,Thoumayestfashionthyselfinwhatevershapethoushaltprefer.Thoushalthavethepoweroutofthysoul'sjudgment,

Toberebornintothehigherforms,whicharedivine."GOD'S SPEECH TO ADAM FROM PICO DELLA MIRANDOLA'SORATIONONTHEDIGNITYOFMANI felt unbelievably inspired as I began to realize that in thismoment Iwas

about tomake decisions thatwould change the direction ofmy life forever. Ibegantolookatmyvaluesandaskthequestion,"Whatdomyvaluesneedtobein order to createmy ultimate destiny, in order to be the best person I couldpossiblybe,inordertohavethelargestimpactinmylifetime?"I thought, "The values I have right now are helpingme," but then I thought,"What other values would I need to add?" I began to realize that one of thethings that wasn't on my list was intelligence. Certainly I was an intelligentperson,butIhadn'tmadebeingintelligentashighapriorityasbeingpassionate.Infact, inmypassionI'dmadesomeprettystupidchoices—includingwhomyCEOwasgoingtobe!I began to realize that unless I made intelligence a conscious priority of mynervous system (i.e., unless I learned to take amoment or two in advance toconsciously evaluate the consequences of my decision making), I wouldcontinuouslyfailtoachievemydeepestdesires.Therewasnownoquestionthatintelligenceneededtobeplacedhighonmylist.Ithendiscoveredanadditionalseries of values to add, and I decidedwhere they needed to be placed inmyhierarchy.Then I asked a question I had never asked before: "What values should Ieliminate from my list in order to achieve my ultimate destiny?" I began torealizethatbyconstantlyfocusingonhowtobefree,IwasmissingoutonthefreedomIalreadyhad.IrealizedthattherewasnowayIcouldbeanymorefreethanIwasinthismoment.MaybemyfeelingswouldbedifferentifIlivedinacountrywherethechoicesIhaveheredon'texist,butforme,thereisnowaytohaveanymorefreedomthanIhavetoday.SoIdecidedtodropitfrommylistandnottomakeitanissueanymore.ItwasamazingdiefreedomIfeltbygettingfreedomoffmylist!Next,Ibegantoevaluateeachvalueindividuallyastoitstruemerit.Ibegantoask, "What benefit do I get by having this value in this position on myhierarchy?"Ilookedfirstatpassionandasked,"Whatbenefit do I get by having passion here?" I thought, "It gives me drive andexcitement and energy and the power to impact people in positive ways. Itmakesmylifejuicy."Then I asked a question that kind of scaredme, a question I had never askedbefore: "What could having passion at the top of my list cost me?" In that

moment, the answer became obvious. I had just recently returned fromconducting a seminar in Denver, where for the first time in years I had feltunbelievably ill.Healthwasalwaysonmyvalues list; itwas important.But itwasn'tveryhighuponthelist.By theway, ityouhaveanythingonyourvalues list, you think it's important,becausetherearehundredsofthingsthatcouldhavebeenonthelistthataren't.Butmyideaofhealthwastoeatright.Iwasn'texercising,andIcertainlywasn'tgetting enough rest. Finally, my body was giving out under my constantdemandsforunlimitedenergy.Ibegantorememberthatinthatday,whenIfeltlikeIhadnohealth,Ipushedmyselfanddidtheseminarsinspiteofitall.ButIdidn'tfeelpassionate,Ididn'tfeelloving,Ididn'tfeellike1couldhaveimpact.Ibegantorealizethatbyhavingpassionasthehighestvalueonmylist,itwouldcausemetoburnoutandthereforepotentiallycostmetheverydestinyIwaspursuing.I finally asked the last question: "In what order do my values need to be toachievemyultimatedestiny?"Not"What'simportanttome?"but"Whatdotheyneedtobe?"AsIbegantodothisprocess,mylistbegantoevolveuntilitlookedlikethis:MYNEWLISTOFMOVING-TOWARDVALUES

Health/VitalityLove/WarmthIntelligenceCheerfulnessHonestyPassionGratefulnessFun/HappinessMakingadifferenceLearning/GrowingAchievingBeingthebestInvestingContributionCreativityTheseshiftsmaylooksubtletoyou,buttheywereprofoundintheiremotional

impactuponme.Justcreatingthisnewlistoflifeprioritiescreatedsomeintensefear and struggle at times. Probably the most difficult one was changing theorder that I had between achievement and happiness. If you recall, on my

previous list I had to feel passion, love, freedom, contribution, being able,growth, and achievement, and a lower priority was feeling happy. I began tothink,"WhatwouldhappenifImadehappinessapriority?WhatwouldhappenifImadethatahigherprioritythanachieving?"Quitehonestly, thiswasanotherquestionthatcreatedfear inme.I thought,"Ifit'seasyformetofeelhappy,maybeI'll losemydrive.MaybeIwon'twanttoachieve.MaybeIwon'twanttohavethesameimpact.MaybeIwon'tcontributeasmuchtopeople."Afterall,Ilinkedmyidentitytomycapacitytopassionatelymakeadifference.Ittookmealmosttwohourstomakethedecisionto"goforthegusto"anddecidetomakemyselfhappy.Howridiculous!ButIcantellyou,havingworkedwithtensofthousandsofpeopleinDateWithDestiny,ofwhomthe majority of attendees would be considered achievers, this is one of thebiggestfearstheyhave.Theygenerallyfearthatthey'lllosetheirpowerordriveiftheyfeelhappyfirst.I'mheretotellyouthatwhathappenedinmylifeisthatinsteadofachievingtobehappy,Ibegantohappilyachieve,andthedifferencein the quality ofmy life is so profound that it is beyond verbal description. Ididn'tlosemydrive—quiteconversely,Ifeltsogood,Iwantedtodoevenmore!Whenmy listwas complete, I felt anemotion that I couldnot ever rememberfeeling previously: a sense of calm. I felt a sense of certainty I hadn'texperiencedbefore,becauseInowknewthateverypartofmewasgoingtobepulled in the direction of my dreams. I was no longer in a tug-of-war withmyself.Byno longer striving constantly for freedom, I couldhave evenmoreintimacyandlove—Icouldfeelevenmorefree.Iwouldhappilyachievenow.Iwouldbehealthyandvitalandintelligent.With the decision to change my life's priorities, I could immediately feel thechangesinmyphysicalbody.Ialso thenbegantorealize that therewerecertainemotionalstates that ImustavoidindulginginifIwasgoingtosucceed.Oneofthoseclearlywasworry.Ifoundmyselfemotionallyandphysicallyrackedbythepainof tryingtofigureouthowIwasgoingtokeepmycompanygoingandkeepthedoorsopen.Atthetime,IbelievedthatifIworried,maybeI'dbemoremotivated,butwhatIfoundwasthatworrymademelessresourceful.SoIdecidedIcouldn'tworryanymore.Icouldhave legitimateconcern,butmore importantly, Icould focuson takingtheactions thatwouldmake thingswork.OnceIdecidedworrywoulddestroymydestiny,Ibegantoavoidexperiencingitatallcosts.Clearly,thisbecameanemotiontoopainfultoindulgein.Ibegantoconstructamoving-away-fromlist.I then flew back to theUnited States, having designedmy own destiny. Boy,weremy friends and associates in for a surprise!Onmy first day back at the

office, people started approaching me to ask, "What's happened to you? Youseem so different! You look so relaxed." I began to unload my entire newtechnologyforhoursatatimeoneachindividualuntilfinallyIrealizedIneededto take it, refine it,andput it inaseminar.That'showDateWithDestinywasborn.IwrotethisbookoutofmydesiretospreadtheDestiny-NACtechnologytoasmanypeopleaspossible.Ihopeyou'lluseitnow.Remember,wetrulycandesignwhowebecome."Givemebeautyintheinwardsoul;maytheoutwardandtheinwardmanbe

atone."SOCRATESSohowcanyounowtakecontrolofthisthirdelementofyourMasterSystem

knownasvalues?Takethefollowingtwosimplesteps:Step 1. Find out what your current values are, and rank them in order ofimportance.Thiswillgiveyouinsightintowhatyouwanttoexperiencemost—yourmoving-toward values—andwhat youwant to avoidmost in your life—yourmoving-away-fromvalues.Itwillgiveyouanunderstandingofwhyyoudowhatyoudo.Itwillalsoofferyoutheopportunity,ifyou'dlike,toconsistentlyexperiencemorepleasureinyourlifebyunderstandingthepain-pleasuresystemthat'salreadybuiltwithinyou.Step2.Ifyou'rewillingtotakethebullbythehorns,youhaveanopportunitytoredirectyourdestiny.Askyourselfanewquestion:"Whatdomyvaluesneedtobe inorder toachieve thedestiny Idesireanddeserve?"Brainstormouta list.Puttheminorder.Seewhichvaluesyoumightgetridofandwhichvaluesyoumightaddinordertocreatethequalityoflifeyoutrulywant.You may be wondering, "What the heck is my destiny, anyway?" If you'restumblingoverthis,gobacktoChapter12.Init,Iaskedyouwhattypeofpersonyou'dhavetobeinordertoachieveallthatyouwant.Inordertobethatperson,whatwouldyourvaluesneedtobe?Whatvalueswouldyouneedtoaddoreliminate?For example, how would your capacity to deal with fear, frustration, andrejection be affected by deciding to place courage high upon your moving-towardvalue list?Or,whatmightbe the impactofgivingplayfulnessahigherpriority? Might it enable you to have more fun in life, possibly enjoy allexperiencesastheycome,growclosertoyourchildrenandbemoretothemthanjusta"provider"?Sowhathaveyouaccomplishedbycreatingyournewlistofvalues?Isn'titjustabunchofwordsonapieceofpaper?Theanswerisyes—ifyoudon'tconditionyourselftousethemasyournewcompass.Ifyoudo,however,theybecomethe

solid foundationof everydecisionyouwillmake. It isdifficult togiveyou inthisbookthefull rangeofconditioningtools thatIuse inseminars,but letmeremindyouofthepowerofleverage.ManypeoplewhohaveattendedDateWithDestinypost theirvaluesprominentlyatwork,athome,anywheretheywillbeseenbypeoplewhowillholdthemtothisnew,higherstandard.Souse the samekindof leverage to strengthenyourcommitment toyournewvalues.Thenexttimeyoufindyourselfyellingatthekids,maybesomeonewholovesyouwillwalkbyandremindyou,"Isn'tcompassionnumberoneonyourlist?""Itouchthefuture;Iteach."

ANONYMOUSWatchingpeopletakecontroloftheirvaluehierarchiesinDateWithDestiny

is so rewardingbecauseof thehuge contrast betweenwhat they're likeFridaymorning and who they become by Sunday night. As transformations occur,magic happens. I remember one man who was dragged by his wife to theprogramanddidn'twanttobethere.Aswestartedtalkingaboutvaluesandthepossibilityofmakingchanges in thatarea,he insisted, "Idon'tneed tochangeanyofmyvalues."Hisnumber-onevalue,bytheway,wasfreedom!Hebalkedatbeing"forced"tochangeanythinginhislifethathedidn'twantto;itbecameacontrolissueashesteadfastlyrefusedtomakeanychanges.FinallyIsaidtohim,"Iknowyoudon'thavetomakeanychanges.Ialsoknowthatyou'refree.SoI'msureyou'refreetoaddafewvalues.Whatwouldbesomevaluesthatmightbeusefulforyoutoaddinorderforyoutoincreasethequalityof your life and maybe even impact your ultimate destiny?" After severalmoments of thought he said, "Well,maybe flexibilitymight be a good one toadd." The audience cracked up. "That's great," I said. "Wherewould you putflexibilityonyourlist?"Westartedfromthebottomandmovedup,anditendedupbeingnumberfouronhislist.Themomentthismandecidedthatwasindeedtherightplaceforhisnewvalue,anotherparticipant—achiropractor—whowassittingbehindhimsuddenlypipedup,"Didyouseethat?"Itwassoobviousthatseveralotherpeopleintheroomhadalsonoticedit.Thisman'sphysiologyhadliterallybeguntochangebeforeour eyes.Ashehadadopted flexibility inhisvalue system,hiswholepostureseemed to loosenupandbecomemore relaxed.Hesat inhischairdifferently,and seemed to be breathing with a lot more freedom. Even his expressionchanged as themuscles inhis face released their tension.With flexibility as anewpriority,hisnervoussystemhadobviouslygottenthemessage.ThenIasked,"Arethereanyothervaluesyoumightwanttoaddtoyourlist?"

Themanthoughtamomentandsaid,"Maybe...forgiveness?"withaquestioninhisvoice.Againthegroupbrokeuplaughing.Thiswasamanwhohadstartedoutbristlingwithhostility and tension, andherehewas,makinga180-degreeshift.Ashefiguredoutwheretoputforgivenessintohisvalueshierarchy,itwasgratifyingtoseethefurtherchangesthattookplaceinhisdemeanor,breathing,facialmuscles, and gestures.Throughout the rest of theweekend peoplewereamazed by the dramatic changes that had been wrought with two simpleadditionstohisvalues.Hetalkedtopeoplewithmoresoftnessinhisvoice,hisfaceseemedto"openup"withmoreexpression,andhereallyseemedtoconnectwithpeopleinwayshehadn'tbefore.Now,threeyearslater,freedomisnotevenonhislist,andtheintimacybetweenhiswifeandhimhasexpandedimmeasurably."Wearewhatwerepeatedlydo."

ARISTOTLELifehas awayof testingour commitment toourvalues.My test cameas I

wasboardinganairplane. . .andloandbehold,therestoodtheillustriousMr.Smith.IfelttheangerandanimositywellupinsidemewithanintensityIhadn'texperiencedforovertwoyears,primarilybecauseIhadn'tseenhim.Hescurriedonto theplaneandseatedhimself in the rear.As I sat inmyseat,knowinghewasbehindme,questionsracedthroughmyhead:WhatshouldIdo?ShouldIconfronthim?ShouldI justwalkupnext tohim,stand thereandstareathim,andmakehimsquirm?I'mnotproudofthesequestions,butsincehonestyisoneofmyhighestvalues,I'mgivingittoyoustraight.Inamoment,though,myactionswereguidedbymyvalues.Why?Iopenedmynotebooktowritesomethingdown,andthereweremyvalueshierarchies,placedatthefrontofmybook.Atthetopitsaid,"What'smostimportanttomeinlifeistobelovingandwarm."Hmmmm."Beintelligent."Hmmmm."Becheerful.Behonest.Bepassionate.Begrateful.Havefun.Makeadifference..."Well,asyoucanimagine,mystatechangedprettyradically.Obviouslymypatternhadbeenbroken.AreminderofwhoIreallyamandwhatI'mreallyaboutwasstaringmeintheface.Whattodobecameobvious.When the plane landed, I approached himwith sincerity andwarmth and toldhimthatwhilebynomeansdidIappreciateorapproveofhispastbehavior, Ihaddecidedtonolongerholdaferociouslevelofresentment towardhim,andthatIactuallywishedhimwell.ThelastmemoryIhavewashisstunnedfaceasI turned and walked away.Wow!What an emotional hit! Even in a stressfulenvironment, I'd livedbywhat Ibelievedwas right.Nothing in lifecanmatchthefulfillmentofknowingyou'vedonewhatyoutrulybelieveistherightthing.

Giveyourselfthegiftoftakingholdofthisforcethatshapesyourdestiny.Makecertainthatyoutakethetimetodotheexercisesthatcanclarifytheprioritiesofyourlife.Isitpossibletohavevaluesandnotfeelthatyou'relivingthem?Youcanhaveagreatsystemofvalues thatgivesyour lifeamagnificentdirectionbutstill feelunhappy,unlessyouunderstandthepowerof...

RULES:IFYOU'RENOTHAPPY,HERE'SWHY!"Holdyourselfresponsibleforahigherstandardthananybodyelseexpectsof

you."HENRYWARDBEECHERAsIwrite thesewords, I'm lookingoutover thedeepbluePacific frommy

roomattheHyattRegencyWaikoloaresortontheBigIslandofHawaii.I'vejustobserved something that won't happen in North America again until the year2017:atotaleclipseofthesun.BeckyandIgotupthismorningat5:30a.m.sothat we, along with thousands of other visitors, could witness this rareastronomicalevent.Ascrowdsofpeoplegatheredattheviewingsite,Ibegantoentertainmyselfbywatchingthediversityofpeoplewhohadcometosharethisoccasion:everyonefromtopbusinessmentovacationingfamilies,fromscientistsluggingdozensoftelescopestohikerswho'dpitchedtheirtentsinthelavapitsovernight,andlittlechildrenwhoknewthiswasanexcitingeventonlybecausetheirparentshadtoldthemso.Herewerehordesofpeoplewhohadflowninfromallovertheworld,atacostofthousandsofdollars,justforthechancetoseesomethingthatwouldtake about fourminutes!Whatwerewe doing here?Wewanted to stand in ashadow!We'reaninterestingspecies,aren'twe?By6:28a.m.,thedramahadbeguntounfold.Therewasanxietyintheair,notjusttheanticipationofseeingtheeclipse,butthefearofdisappointment.Foronthisuniquemorning,thecloudshadbeguntogather,andtheskywasbecomingovercast.Itwasinterestingtoseehowpeopleweredealingwiththepossibilitythat their expectationswould not bemet.What they had come to seewas notmerelyabriefflittingofthemoonoverthesun,butafour-minutetotaleclipse—whentheshadowofthemoonwould completely block the sun's rays and envelop us in darkness.

Theyevenhadanameforit:totality!By7:10a.m., the cloudshad increasedandweregetting largerby theminute.Suddenly,thesunbrokethroughaholeintheclouds,andforamomentwecouldallseeapartialeclipse.Thecrowdgreeteditwithexcitedapplause,butsoontheclouds rolled back in, thicker and thicker, completely obscuring our view.Nearing the moment of totality—utter darkness—it became obvious that wewouldn'tbeabletowatchthemoonovertakethesun.Suddenly, thousandsofpeoplebegan to runover toabig-screen television setthatoneofthemanyTVcrewshaderected.Therewesat,watchingtheeclipseonnationaltelevision,justlikeeveryoneelseintheworld!InthosemomentsIhad a chance to observe an unlimited range of human emotion. Each personresponded according to their rules: their beliefs about what had to happen inorderforthemtofeelgoodaboutthisexperience.Onemanbehindmestartedcursing,saying,"Ispent$4,000andtraveledallthisway,justsoIcouldwatchthisforfourminutesontelevision?"Awomanonlyafewfeetawaykeptsaying,"Ican'tbelievewemissedit!"whileherbrightlittledaughter enthusiastically remindedher, "But,Mom, it's happening right now!"Anotherwomansittingjusttomyrightsaid,"Isn'tthisincredible?Ifeelsoluckytobehere!"Then a dramatic thing happened. As we observed on TV the last sliver ofsunlight disappear behind the moon, in that instant we were engulfed indarkness. It was completely unlike nightfall, when the sky darkens gradually.Thiswas immediate and total darkness! Initially therewas a roar through thecrowd,but thenahush felluponus.Thebirds flew into the treesandbecamesilent.Itwasatrulyamazingmoment.Thensomethinghystericalhappened.Aspeople sat in the dark, staring at the eclipse on the television screen, some ofthosewhohadbroughttheircamerasandweredeterminedtogettheiroutcomebegan taking pictures of the screen. In amoment,wewere floodedwith lightagain—notbecauseofthesun—butbecauseofalltheflashbulbs!Almost as soon as it hadbegun, though, totalitywas over.Themost dramaticmomentof thewholeevent formewas the instant thata thinsliverof thesunslipped out from behind the moon, instantly bringing full daylight with it. Itoccurredtomethenthatitdoesn'ttakeverymuchlighttowipeoutthedarkness.Withinmomentsofthereturnofsunlight,alargenumberofpeoplegotupandbegantoleave.Iwaspuzzled.Afterall,theeclipsewasstillhappening.Mostofthemweremutteringcomplaintsabouthowthey'd"comeallthiswayandmissedoutontheexperienceofalifetime."Afewenrapturedsouls,however,lingeredtowatcheveryminute,feelinggreatexcitementandjoy.Themostironicthingofallwasthatwithinfifteentotwentyminutes,thetradewindshadclearedallthe

cloudsfromthesky.Itwasnowblueandclear,andtheeclipsewasrevealedforeveryonetosee.Butfewpeoplehadremained;mosthadalreadyreturnedtotheirroomsdisgruntled.They continued to give themselves the sensations of pain because theirexpectationshadnotbeenmet.As I usually do, I started interviewingpeople. Iwanted to findoutwhat theirexperience of the eclipse had been.Many people talked about how itwas themostincredible,spiritualexperienceoftheirlives.Onepregnantwomanrubbedherswollentummyandsharedwithmethattheeclipsesomehowhadcreatedafeelingofstrongerconnectionwithherunbornchild,andthat thiswasjust therightplaceonearthforhertobe.WhatacontrastofbeliefsandrulesInoticedtoday!Whatstruckmeasmosthumorous,though,wasthatpeoplewouldgetsoexcitedand emotional about something like this, which was merely a four-minuteshadow. If you really think about it, it's no more of a miracle than the suncoming up eachmorning!Can you imagine if everymorning people from allover the world got up early so they could watch the sun come up? What itnationalandinternationalnewsardentlycoveredeveryphaseof theeventwithin-depthreports,passionatelytrackingthesun'sriseintothesky,andeverybodyspent theirmornings talking aboutwhat amiracle it is?Can you imagine thekind of days we'd have? What if CNN opened every broadcast with, "Goodmorning.Onceagain,themiraclehashappened—thesunhasrisen!"?Whydon'twe respond this way? Could we? You bet we could. But the problem is thatwe've become habituated. We're so accustomed to the miracles happeningarounduseverydaythatwedon'tevenseethemasmiraclesanymore.Formostofus,ourrulesforwhat'svaluabledictatethatwecovetthingsthatarescarce, instead of appreciating themiracles that abound.What determined thedifferences in these people's responses, from one man who got so upset hedestroyedhiscameraonthespot,tothosewhonotonlyexperiencedjoytoday,but would experience it every time they told others about the eclipse in thecomingweeks,months,andyears?Ourexperienceofthisrealityhadnothingtodowithreality,butwasinterpretedthroughthecontrollingforceofourbeliefs:specifically,theruleswehadaboutwhathadtohappeninorderforustofeelgood.Icallthesespecificbeliefsthatdetermine when we get pain and when we get pleasure rules. Failure tounderstandtheirpowercandestroyanypossibilityforlifelonghappiness,andafull understanding and utilization of them can transform your life asmuch asanythingwe'vecoveredinthisentirebook.Letmet ask you a question beforewe go any further.What has to happen in

order for you to feel good?Doyouhave tohave someonehugyou, kiss you,makelovetoyou,tellyouhowmuchtheyrespectandappreciateyou?Mustyoumakeamilliondollars?Doyouhavetohitbelow-pargolf?Doyouhavetobeacknowledgedbyyourboss?Doyouhavetoachieveallofyourgoals?Doyouhavetodrivetherightcar,gototherightparties,beknownbytherightpeople?Do you have to be spiritually evolved or wait until you achieve totalenlightenment?Doyouhavetorunfivemilesaday?Whatreallyhastohappeninorderforyoutofeelgood?Thetruthisthatnothinghastohappeninorderforyoutofeelgood.Youdon'tneedaneclipse to feelgood.Youcould feelgood rightnow forabsolutelynoreasonwhatsoever! Think about it. If youmake amillion dollars, themilliondollarsdoesn'tgiveyouanypleasure. It'syour rule that says, "When Ihit thismark,thenI'llgivemyselfpermissiontofeelgood."Inthatmoment,whenyoudecidetofeelgood,yousendamessagetoyourbraintochangeyourresponsesin themusclesofyour face, chest, andbody, tochangeyourbreathing,and tochangethebiochemistrywithinyournervoussystemthatcausesyoutofeelthesensationsyoucallpleasure.Whodoyouthinkhadtheworsttimethedayoftheeclipse?Thosewiththemostintenserulesaboutwhathadtohappenbeforetheycouldfeelgood!There'snodoubt that the scientists, and the tourists who saw themselves as scientists,probablyhadthemostpain.Manyofthemhadhugeagendastheyweretryingtocompleteinthosefourminutesbeforetheycouldfeelgoodaboutit.Don't misunderstand; there's nothing wrong with being committed toaccomplishinganddoingeverythingyoucan.Butyearsago,Imadeadistinctionthatchangedthequalityofmylifeforever:aslongaswestructureourlivesinawaywhereourhappinessisdependentuponsomethingwecannotcontrol,thenwewill experience pain. Since Iwasn'twilling to livewith the fear that paincouldshakemeanymore,andIconsideredmyselftobeintelligent,IredesignedmyrulessothatwhenIfeelpainandwhenIfeelpleasureiswheneverIfeelit'sappropriatebasedonmycapacity todirectmyownmind,body,andemotions.Specifically,BeckyandIenjoyedtheeclipseimmensely.WewereinHawaiiforother reasons anyway (to conduct my three-week Certification program), socominghereafewdaysearlytowatchtheeclipsewasabonusforus.Buttherealreasonweenjoyedourselveswasnotthatwehadlowexpectations;wewerelookingforwardtoit.Thekeytoourhappinesscouldbefoundinonekeyruleweshared:wedecidedthatourruleforthedaywasthatweweregoingto enjoy this event no matter what happened. It wasn't that we didn't haveexpectations;itwasthatwedecidedthatnomatterwhathappened,we'dfindawaytoenjoyit.

Now,ifyouadoptedandconsistentlyappliedthisruletoyourownlife,canyousee how that would change virtually everything you experience?When I tellpeople about this rule, some of them respond, "Yeah, but you're just loweringyourstandards."Nothingcouldbefurtherfromthetruth!Toadoptthisruleistoraise your standards. It means you'll hold yourself to a higher standard ofenjoying yourself despite the conditions of the moment. It means you'vecommittedtobeingintelligentenough,flexibleenough,andcreativeenoughtodirectyourfocusandevaluationsinawaythatallowsyoutoexperiencethetruerichnessoflife—maybethat'stheultimaterule.In the last chapter, you began to design for yourself a hierarchy of values torefineanddefinethedirectionofyourlife.Youneedtounderstandthatwhetherornotyoufeellikeyou'reachievingyourvaluesistotallydependentuponyourrules—yourbeliefsaboutwhathastohappenforyoutofeelsuccessfulorhappyorexperiencinglove.Youcandecidetomakehappinessapriority,butifyourruleforhappinessisthateverything must go just as you planned, I guarantee you're not going toexperiencethisvalueonaconsistentbasis.Lifeisavariableevent,soourrulesmustbeorganizedinwaysthatallowustoadapt,grow,andenjoy.It'scriticalforustounderstandtheseunconsciousbeliefsthatcontrolwhenwegiveourselvespainandwhenwegiveourselvespleasure.

JUDGEANDJURY

Weallhavedifferentrulesandstandardsthatgovernnotonlythewaywefeelaboutthethingsthathappeninourlives,buthowwe'llbehaveandrespondtoagivensituation.Ultimatelywhatwedoandwhowebecomeisdependentuponthedirectionthatourvalueshavetakenus.Butequally,orpossiblyevenmoreimportantly,whatwilldetermineouremotionsandbehaviorsisourbeliefsaboutwhatisgoodandwhatisbad,whatweshoulddoandwhatwemustdo.TheseprecisestandardsandcriteriaarewhatI'velabeledrules.Rulesarethetriggerforanypainorpleasureyoufeelinyournervoussystematanymoment.It'sasifwehaveaminiaturecourtsystemsetupwithinourbrains.Ourpersonal rulesare theultimate judgeand jury.Theydeterminewhetherornot a certain value ismet,whetherwe'll feel good or bad,whetherwe'll giveourselvespainorpleasure. If Iwere to askyou, for example, "Doyouhaveagreatbody?,"howwouldyourespond? Itwoulddependonwhetheryou thinkyoumeetacertainsetofcriteriathatyoubelieveconstituteshavingagreatbody.Here's another question: "Are you a great lover?" Your answer will be baseduponyourrulesofwhat'srequiredtobeagreatlover,thestandardstowhichyouholdyourself.Ifyoutoldme,"Yes,I'magreatlover,"I'ddiscoveryourrulesbyaskingthekeyquestion,"Howdoyouknowyou'reagreat lover?Whathas tohappeninorderforyoutofeelyou'reagreatlover?"Youmightsaysomethinglike,"IknowI'magreatloverbecausewhenImakelove with a person, they usually say that it feels great." Others might say, "IknowI'magreatloverbecausemylovertellsmeso."Or"IknowI'magreat loverbecauseof the responses Iget frommypartner."Othersmightsay,"IknowI'magreatloverbecauseIfeelgoodwhenI'mmakinglove." (Doesn't theirpartner's responsematteratall?Hmmm.)Oryouranswermight just be, "Ask around!" On the other hand, some people don't feel thatthey'regreatlovers.Is this because they aren't great lovers? Or is it because their rules areinappropriate?This is an important question to answer. Inmany cases, peoplewon't feel that they're agreat loverbecause theirpartnerdoesn't tell them thatthey'reagreat lover.Theirpartnermay respondpassionately,butbecause theydon'tmeetthespecificruleofthisindividual,thepersoniscertainthey'renotagreatlover.This predicament of not feeling the emotions we deserve is not limited torelationshipsorlovemaking.Mostofushaverulesthatarejustasinappropriate

fordefiningsuccess,makingadifference,security,intelligence,oranythingelse.Everything inour lives, fromwork toplay, ispresidedoverby this judge-and-jurysystem.Thepointhereissimple:ourrulesarecontrollingourresponseseverymomentwe'realive.And,ofcourse,asyou'vealreadyguessed,theyhavebeensetupinatotallyarbitraryfashion.LikesomanyotherelementsoftheMasterSystemthatdirectsourlives,ourruleshaveresultedfromadizzyingcollageofinfluencestowhichwe'vebeenexposed.Thesamepunishmentandrewardsystemthatshapesourvaluesshapesourrules.Infact,aswedevelopnewvalues,wealsodevelopbeliefs about what it will take to have those values met, so rules are addedcontinuously. And, with the addition of more rules, we often tend to distort,generalize,anddeleteourpastrules.Wedeveloprulesinconflict.Forsomepeople,rulesareformedoutoftheirdesiretorebelagainstrulestheygrewupwith.Aretherulesthatguideyourlifetodaystillappropriateforwhoyou'vebecome?Or have you clung to rules that helped you in the past, but hurt you in thepresent?Haveyouclungtoanyinappropriaterulesfromyourchildhood?"Anyfoolcanmakearule—Andeveryfoolwillmindit."

HENRYDAVIDTHOREAURulesareashortcutforourbrains.Theyhelpustohaveasenseofcertainty

about theconsequencesofouractions; thus, theyenableus tomake lightning-quick decisions as to what things mean and what we should do about them.Whensomeonesmilesatyou,ifyouhadtoengageinalong,tediousset of calculations in order to figure outwhat thatmeans, your lifewould befrustrating.Butinsteadyouhavearulethatsaysifapersonsmilesatyou,thenitmeans they're happy, or they're friendly, or maybe they like you. If someonefrownsatyou,thenittriggersanothersetofrulesforwhatthingsmeanandwhatyoushoulddoaboutit.Forsomepeople,ifsomeonefrownsatthem,thentheirrule is that the person is in a bad state and should be avoided.Other people,however,mighthavearulethatsays,"Ifsomeone'sinabadstate,thenIneedtochangetheirstate."AREYOUMUDDLEDORPERFECT?Irememberreadingan intricatestory inGregoryBateson'sbook5teps toan

EcologyofMind.Itwasatranscriptofaconversationhe'dhadwithhisdaughteryearsago,andI'llparaphraseitforyouhere.Onedaysheapproachedhimandaskedaninterestingquestion:"Daddy,howcomethingsgetmuddledsoeasily?"Heaskedher,"Whatdoyoumeanby'muddled,'honey?"

Shesaid,"Youknow.Daddy.Whenthingsaren'tperfect.Lookatmydeskrightnow.Stuffisallovertheplace.It'smuddled.AndjustlastnightIworkedsohardtomakeitperfect.Butthingsdon'tstayperfect.Theygetmuddledsoeasily!"Batesonaskedhisdaughter, "Showmewhat it's likewhen thingsareperfect."She responded by moving everything on her shelf into individually assignedpositionsandsaid,"There,Daddy,nowit'sperfect.Butitwon'tstaythatway."Bateson asked her, "What if Imove your paint box over here twelve inches?Thenwhathappens?"Shesaid,"No,Daddy,nowit'smuddled.Anyway,itwouldhavetobestraight,notallcrookedthewayyouputitdown."Thenheaskedher,"WhatifImovedyourpencilfromthisspottothenextone?""Nowyou'remakingitmuddledagain,"sheresponded."Whatifthisbookwereleftpartiallyopen?"hecontinued."That'smuddled,too!"shereplied.Batesonturnedtohisdaughterandsaid,"Honey,it'snotthatthingsgetmuddledsoeasily.It'sthatyouhavemorewaysforthingstogetmuddled.Youhaveonlyonewayforthingstobeperfect."Mostofushavecreatednumerouswaystofeelbad,andonlyafewwaysto

trulyfeelgood.Ineverfailtobeamazedattheoverwhelmingnumberofpeoplewhoseruleswirethemforpain.It'sasiftheyhaveavastandintricatenetworkofneuralpathwaysleadingtotheverystatesthey'retryingtoavoid,andyettheyhaveonlyahandfulofneuralpathwaysthatthey'veconnectedtopleasure.AclassicexampleofthisisamanwhoattendedoneofmyDateWithDestinyseminars. He was a well-known Fortune 500 executive, beloved by hiscommunity for his contributions, a father of five who was very close to hischildren and wife, and a man who was physically fit—a marathon runner. Iasked him, "Are you successful?"To the astonishment of all present, he quiteseriouslyanswered,"No."Iaskedhim,"Whathastohappeninorderforyoutofeel successful?" (Remember, this is the key question you'll always ask todiscoveryourrulesoranyoneelse's.)Whatfollowedwasalitanyofrigidrulesandrequirementsthathefelthemustmeet inorder tobe successful in his life.Hehad to earn$3million ayear insalary (he was currently earning only $1.5 million in straight salary, but anadditional $2million in bonuses—this didn't count, though), he had to have 8percentbodyfat(hewasat9percent),andhehadtonevergetfrustratedwithhiskids(rememberthathehadfiveofthem,allgoingindifferentdirectionsinlife).Whatdoyouthinkarethisman'schancesoffeelingsuccessful,whenhehastomeetalloftheseintenseandarguablyunreasonablecriteriasimultaneously?Will

heeverfeelsuccessful?Bycontrast,therewasanothergentlemanwhowehadallnoticedwaspracticallybouncing off the walls because he had so much energy. He seemed to beenjoyingtheseminarandlifetotheutmost.Iturnedtohimandaskedthesamequestion:"Areyousuccessful?"Hebeamedbackatmeandsaid,"Absolutely!"SoIaskedhim,"Whathastohappeninorderforyoutofeelsuccessful?"Withahugegrinheexplained,"It'ssoeasy.AllIhavetodoisgetup,lookdown,andseethatIamaboveground!"Thecrowdroared.Hecontinued,"Everydayabovegroundisagreatday!"Thisrule has become a favorite of the DateWith Destiny staff, and now at everyprogramwedisplayittoremindeachofushowsuccessfulwearethemomentwepullbackthecoverseachmorning.LiketheCEOwhowasn'tmeetinghisownrules,youcouldbewinningandfeellike you're losing because the scorecard you're using is unfair. Not only is itunfairtoyou,it'salsounfairtoyourspouseandchildren,thepeopleyouworkwith every day, and all the others whose lives you touch. If you've set up asystemofrulesthatcausesyoutofeelfrustrated,angry,hurt,orunsuccessful—oryouhavenoclearrulesforknowingwhenyou'rehappy,successful,andsoon—thoseemotionsaffectthewayyoutreatthepeoplearoundyouaswellashowtheyfeelwhenthey'renearyou.Also,whetheryouareawareofitornot,oftenyou are judging other people through a set of rules that youmay never haveexpressed—butweallexpectotherstocomplywithourrules,don'twe?Ifyou'rebeinghardonyourself,you'relikelytobehardonothersaswell.Whywouldanyoneimposesuchstrictregulationsonthemselvesandthepeopletheylovemost?Alotofithastodowithculturalconditioning.Manyofusareafraid that if we don't have very intense rules, then we won't be driven tosucceed,wewon'tbemotivatedtoworkhardandachieve.Thetruthisthatyoudon't have to have ridiculously difficult rules to keep your drive! If a personmakestheirrulestoointense,toopainful,prettysoonthey'llbegintorealizethatnomatterwhat they do, they can't win, and they begin to experience learnedhelplessness. We certainly want to use the power of goals, the allure of acompellingfuture,topullourselvesforward,butwemustmakesurethatatthebottomofitallwehaverulestoallowustobehappyanytimewewant.DOYOURRULESEMPOWERORDISEMPOWERYOU?Wewanttodeveloprulesthatmoveustotakeaction,thatcauseustofeeljoy,

thatcauseustofollowthrough—notrulesthatstopusshort.I'vefoundthatthereare an amazingnumber ofmen andwomenwho set up rules for relationshipsthatmakeitabsolutelyimpossibleforthemtosucceedinthisareaoftheirlives.

For example, some people's rule for love is, "If you love me, then you'll dowhateverIwantyoutodo."Or"Ifyouloveme,thenIcanwhineandcomplainand nag, and you should just accept it." Are these appropriate rules? Hardly!They'dbeunfairtoanyoneyouweresharingarelationshipwith.OnewomanwhoattendedDateWithDestinytoldmethatshereallywantedtohaveacloserelationshipwithaman,butjusthadn'tseemedabletomaintainarelationshipwithonepasttheinitial"thrillofthechase"phase.AsIbegantoaskher,"Whathastohappenforyoutobeattractedtoaman?"herruleshelpedusbothinstantlyunderstandwhatherchallengewas.Forher tofeelattractedtoaman,hehadtopursueherconstantly,eventhoughshecontinuedtorejecthim.Ifhe kept working hard, trying to break down the barrier, that made her feelincrediblyattractedtohim;toherthismeanthewasaverypowerfulman.Butwhat'sinterestingwashersecondrule.Ifhekeptonformorethanamonth,shelost her respect and therefore her attraction to him. So guess what normallywouldhappen?Afewmenwould takeherrejectionandkeeponpursuingher,butofcoursemostwouldgiveupafterashortperiodoftime.Thusshewouldneverhavearelationshipwiththem.Then,the fewwho persistedwould secretly have her favor for awhile, but after anarbitrary period of about a month, she'd completely lose interest. She foundherself unable to stay attracted to anyman formore than amonthbecausenomanwasabletoanticipatehercomplextimetable.Whatrulesdoyouhavethatareequallyunwinnable?Forsomepeople,inordertofeellikethey'reincontrolinanycontext,theyhavetoknowwhat'sgoingtohappen in advance of its occurrence. For others, in order to feel like they'reconfidentinsomearea,theyhavetohaveexperienceindoingit.Ifthisweremyrule for confidence, I couldn't accomplishmost ofwhat I've done inmy life!Most ofmy success has come frommy ability to getmyself to feel certain Icould achieve something, even though I had no references for it.My rule forconfidence is, "If I decide to be confident, then I'll feel that way towardanything,andmyconfidencewillhelpmesucceed."Competenceisanotherinterestingrule.Somepeople'sruleforcompetenceis,"IfI'vedonesomethingperfectlyoveraperiodofyears,thenI'mcompetent."Otherpeople's rule is, "If I'vedone iteffectivelyonce, then I'mcompetent."And forothers, competence is, "If I'vedoneanything like it, then Iknow I canmasterthisaswell,andthereforeI'mcompetent."Doyouseetheimpactthesekindsofruleswouldhaveonyourconfidence,yourhappiness,yoursenseofcontrol,thequalityofyouractions,andyourlife?SETUPTHEGAMESOYOUCANWIN

Inthelastchapter,wedevotedagreatdealoftimetosettingupvalues.ButasI'vealreadystated,ifyoudon'tmaketherulesachievable,you'llneverfeellikethose values are being met. When I first started to develop my ideas ondesigningdestiny,Ihadonlytheconceptofvaluesandnotrules,sowhetherornot a person felt like theywere on trackwas completely arbitrary. The day Idiscovered rules, I began tounderstand the sourceofpain andpleasure inourexperience.Iunderstoodthatrulesarethetriggeringdeviceofhumanemotion,andbegantoevaluatehowIcoulduserulesmoreeffectively.As I'vementioned before, it quickly became clear to me that themajority ofpeoplearewiredforpain.Their rulesmake itvery,verydifficult to feelgood,andveryeasytofeelbad.Letmegiveyouapowerful example. Here are the values of a woman we'll call Laurie whoattendedoneofmyearliestDateWithDestinyseminars:LAURIE'SOLDMOVING-TOWARDVALUES

LoveHealthSecurityFreedomSuccessAcceptanceExcellenceHarmonyRespectIntegrityHonestyFunAtfirstglance,thesevalueslookwonderful,don'tthey?Youwouldthinkthat

thispersonisprobably lovingandhealthyandfreedom-oriented.Withacloserlook,though,wecanalreadyseeafewchallenges.Laurie's thirdvalue is security, andher fourthvalue is freedom.Do those twosoundliketheygowelltogether?Therealitywasthatthiswomanwaswiredformassivepain.Shewas frustrated inevery senseof theword, andwas literallybecoming a recluse , hiding out from people.No therapist she'd visited couldfigure out why. They were all working on her behaviors, her fears, and heremotions,insteadoflookingatthewayherMasterSystemofevaluatingeveryeventandexperienceofherlifewaswired.SoIbegantoelicitherrulesforeachofhervalues:"Whathastohappeninorderforyoutofeel_______?"Forhertofeellove,heranswerwas,"Ihavetofeel

likeI'veearnedit.IhavetofeellikeallmybeliefsareacceptedandapprovedofbyeverypersonImeet.Ican'tfeellikeI'mlovedunlessI'mperfect.Ihavetobeagreatmother,agreatwife,"andsoforth.Instantlywebegan tosee theproblem.Lovewas thehighestvalueonher list,thegreatestsourceofpleasureshecouldpossiblyfeelinherbody.Yetherrulesdid not allow her to give herself this pleasure unless she met these complexcriteriawhich shecouldn't control! If anyofusmadeour ability to feel loveddependentoneveryoneacceptingourviews,wewouldn't feel loveveryoften,wouldwe?Therearejusttoomanypeoplewithdifferentideasandbeliefs,andthereforetoomanywaysforustofeelbad.How do we know if a rule empowers or disempowers us? There are threeprimarycriteria:1. It's a disempowering rule if it's impossible to meet. If your criteria are socomplexorvariedorintensethatyoucan'teverwinthegameoflife,clearlyyouhaveadisempoweringrule.2. A rule is disempowering if something that you can't control determineswhether your rule has beenmet or not. For example, if other people have torespondtoyouinacertainway,or if theenvironmenthastobeacertainway,youclearlyhaveadisempoweringrule.Aclassicexampleofthis is thepeoplewaiting to view the eclipse who couldn't be happy unless the weather—somethingtheycouldn'tcontrol—actedaccordingtotheirspecificexpectations.3.Aruleisdisempoweringifitgivesyouonlyafewwaystofeelgoodandlotsofways to feelbad.Lauriehadmanaged tomeetall threeof thesecriteria fordisempowering rules, hadn't she? Having to feel that all her beliefs wereaccepted and approved by people was an impossible criterion. It required theoutsideenvironment,somethingshecouldnotcontrol—otherpeople'sopinions—tomakeherfeelgood.Itprovidedlotsofwaystofeelbad,andprovidednoclear way to feel good. Here are some of the rest of her rules for her valueshierarchy:LAURIE'SOLDMOVING-TOWARDVALUESANDRULES

Love: I have to feel like I've earned it, like all my beliefs are accepted andapproved. I can't feel like I'm loved unless I'm perfect. I have to be a greatmotherandwife.Health:Ihavetofeellikemydietisperfectbymystrictstandards.Ihavetobecompletelyfreeofphysicalpain.ImustfeellikeI'mhealthierthaneveryoneIknowandbeanexample.Security:Everyonemustlikeme.ImustfeelthateveryoneImeetiscertainI'magood person. Imust be certain that therewill be no nuclearwar. Imust have

muchmoremoneyinmysavingsaccountthanIalreadydo.Freedom: Imust be in control ofmyworking demands, hours, fees, opinions,etc. Imust be financially secure enoughnot to live under stress or financiallyrelatedpressure.Howlikelydoyou think it is thatLauriewillmeetoneofhervalues,much

lessany?Whataboutherrulesforhealth?"Ihavetofeellikemydietisperfectbymystrict standards."Shewasnotonlyavegetarian,butateonly rawfood,andshe stilldidn't feelperfect!Whatareyourchancesofbeinghealthier thaneveryoneyouknow?Notmuch,unlessyouhangoutintheintensivecareunit!LAURIE'SOLDMOVING-AWAY-FROMVALUESANDRULESRejection: I feel rejected if someone doesn't share my beliefs, if someone

seeminglyknowsmorethanIdo.Failure:Ifeelfailureifsomeonedoesn'tbelieveI'magoodperson.IfeelfailureifIdon'tfeelIsupportmyselformyfamilywellenough.Anger:IfeelangerwhenIdon'tfeellikewhatIdoisappreciated,whenpeoplejudgemebeforetheyknowme.Thesemoving-away-fromrulesareequallyimmobilizing.Noticehoweasyit

istofeelbad,andhowharditistofeelgood.Ifallittakesforhertofeelrejectedissomeonenotsharingherbeliefs,thenshe'sinforalotofheartache.Andwhatarethechancesinyourlifeofhavingpeoplejudgeyoubeforetheyknowyou?Only about one hundred percent! With these rules, can you imagine what itwould be like to live in her body? Shewas rackedwith pain, and one of herbiggestsources,ifyoulookatherrules,waspeople.Anytimeshewasaroundpeople,shewasriskingthepossibilitytheymightnotshareherbeliefs,ormightnotlikeher,ormightjudgeher.Nowondershewashidingout!AtonepointIfinally said, "It'smyguess that apersonwithvalues and rules like thiswoulddevelopanulcer."Shesaid,"Ialreadyhaveone."Laurie'sexperience,unfortunately,isnotunique.Certainlysomeofherrulesaremoreintensethanothers.Butyouwillbeabsolutelysurprisedwhenyoufindouthowunfairyourownrulesarewhenyoubegin to scrutinize them!At DateWith Destiny, we attract some of themostsuccessfulpeople in thecountry—peoplewhose levelof skill and influence inthecultureisunmatched.Andyet,whilethey'resuccessfulontheoutside,manyarelackingthehappinessandfulfillmenttheydeserve.Invariably,it'sbecauseofvaluesconflictsorinappropriaterules.

THESOLUTION

Thesolutionisverysimple.Allwehavetodotomakeourlivesworkissetupasystemofevaluatingthatincludesrulesthatareachievable,thatmakeiteasytofeelgoodandhardtofeelbad,thatconstantlypullusinthedirectionwewanttogo.Certainlyit'susefultohavesomerulesthatgiveuspain.Weneedtohavelimits;weneedtohavesomekindofpressurethatdrivesus.Ican't tastefreshorangejuiceunlessIhaveaglass,somethingwithlimitstocontainthejuice.Weall have limits, both as a society and as individuals. For starters, though, weshouldatleastrewireourselvessowecanexperiencepleasuremoreconsistentlyinlife.Whenpeoplearefeelinggoodallthetime,theytendtotreatothersbetter,andtheytendtomaximizetheirpotentialashumanbeings.Sowhat'sourgoal?Oncewedesignourvalues,wemustdecidewhatevidenceweneedtohavebeforewegiveourselvespleasure.Weneedtodesignrulesthatwillmoveusinthedirectionofourvalues,thatwillclearlybeachievable,usingcriteriawecancontrolpersonallysothatwe'reringingthebellinsteadofwaitingfortheoutsideworldtodoit.Based on these requirements, Laurie changed the order of some of her valuesandcompletelychangedherrulesforachievingthem.Herearehernewvaluesandrules:LAUME'SNEWMOVING-TOWARDVALUESANDRULES

Love: I experience love anytime I express love, give love to others, or allowmyselftoreceiveit.Health:IamhealthywhenIacknowledgehowwonderfulIalreadyfeel!Fun:I'mhavingfunwhenIfindpleasureandjoyintheprocess.Gratitude:IfeelgratefulwhenIappreciateallthethingsIhaveinmyliferightnow.Freedom: I feel free when I live bymy convictions and accept the choice tocreatehappinessformyself.Noticethatfunisnowapriority.Thistransformedherexperienceoflife,not

to mention her relationship with her daughter and husband. But even morepowerfulwere the changes shemade in her rules.Changing the valueswouldhavelimitedimpactiftheruleswereunachievable.What has this woman done? She has rewired her entire life so that she's incontrol.YouandIneedtorememberthatourself-esteemistiedtoourabilitytofeel likewe're in control of the events in our environment. These rules allowLaurietoalwaysbeincontrolwithouteventrying.

Arehernewrulesforloveachievable?Youbet!Who'sincontrol?Sheis!Atanymomentintime,shecandecidetobelovingtoherselfandothers,andshe'llnowhave permission to give herself the emotion called love. She'll know she'smeetingherhighestvalues.Howoftencanshedothis?Everysingleday!Thereare lotsofways todo itbecause thereare lotsofpeopleshecanbe loving to:herself, her family, her friends, and strangers. How about her new rule forhealth?What'sbeautifulaboutit is thatnotonlyissheincharge—becauseshecan acknowledge howwonderful she feels at anymoment—and not only is itachievable,butisn'tittruethatifsheregularlyacknowledgesfeelinggood,she'llreinforcethepatternofbecomingmorehealthy?Inaddition,Laurieadoptedsomenewmoving-away-fromvalues.She selectedemotions she knew she had to avoid indulging in order to succeed: negativityandprocrastination.Remember,wewanttoreversetheprocessofhowmostofusarewired.Wewanttomakeithardtofeelbad,andeasytofeelgood.LAURJE'SNEWMOVING-AWAY-FROMVALUESANDRULES

Negativity: I avoid consistently dependingon the acceptance of others formyultimatehappinessandsuccess.Procrastination: I avoid consistently expecting perfection from myself andothers.WithLaurie'snewmoving-away-fromrules,shenolongerdependsuponthe

acceptanceofothers.Herruleforprocrastinationisbasedonherrealizationthatexpectingperfectioncreatedpain,andshehadn'twanted tobeginprojects thatwould create pain, so that'swhy she'd been procrastinating. These changes invalues and rules have redirectedher life to a level beyond anything she couldhaveimagined.Now,here'sanassignment foryou:basedon thenewvaluesyou've setup foryourselfinthelastchapter,createasetofrulesforyourmoving-towardvaluesthatmakes iteasy to feelgood,andasetof rules foryourmoving-away-fromvaluesthatmakesithardtofeelbad.Ideally,createamenuofpossibilitieswithlotsofwaystofeelgood.Hereareafewofmine:ASAMPLINGOFMYMOVING-TOWARDVALUESANDRULESHealthandVitality:AnytimeIfeelcentered,powerful,orbalanced;anytimeI

do anything that increasesmy strength, flexibility, or endurance; anytime I doanything thatmovesme toward a sense of physical well-being; anytime I eatwater-richfoodsorliveinaccordancewithmyownhealthphilosophy.Love and Warmth: Anytime I'm being warm and supportive of my friends,family,orstrangers;anytimeIfocusonhowtohelp;anytimeI'mlovingtoward

myself;anytimemystateofbeingenhanceshowotherpeoplefeel.LearningandGrowing:AnytimeImakeanewdistinctionthat'suseful;anytimeI stretch myself beyond what was comfortable; anytime I think of a newpossibility;anytimeIexpandorbecomemoreeffective;anytimeIapplyanythingIknowinapositiveway.Achieving:AnytimeIfocusonthevalueofmylifeasalreadycreated;anytimeIsetanoutcomeandmakeithappen;anytimeIlearnanythingorcreatevalueformyselforothers.Youmaysay,"Isn'tthisjustagame?Couldn'tIsetitupsothatImeetmyrule

for health just by breathing?" Certainly you could base it on something thissimple. Ideally, though, you'll design your rules so that by pursuing themyouhavemoreofwhatyouwant inyour life.Youalsomaysay,"Won't I losemydrive to succeed if there's no painmotivation?" Trust me. Life will give youenoughpainonyourownifyoudon'tfollowthrough.Youdon'tneedtoaddtoitbycreatinganintensesetofrulesthatmakesyoufeellousyallthetime.In sociology there's a concept known as "ethnocentricity," which means webegintobelievethattherules,values,andbeliefsofourculturearetheonlyonesthatarevalid.Thisisanextremelylimitingmindset.Everypersonaroundyouhasdifferentrulesandvaluesthanyoudo,andtheirsarenobetterorworsethanyourown.Thekeyquestionisnotwhetherrulesarerightorwrong,butwhethertheyempowerordisempoweryou.Infact...EVERYUPSETISARULESUPSETThinkabout the last timeyouwereupsetwithsomeone.Was it reallyabout

them,orwasitaboutsomethingtheydid,orsaid,orfailedtodothatyouthoughttheyoughtto?Wereyouangryatthem,orwereyouangrybecausetheyviolatedoneof your rules?At thebaseof every emotional upset you've ever hadwithanotherhumanbeingisarulesupset.Somebodydidsomething,orfailedtodosomething,thatviolatedoneofyourbeliefsaboutwhattheymustorshoulddo.For example, some people's rule for respect is, "If you respect me, then youneverraiseyourvoice."Ifapersonwithwhomyou'reinarelationshipsuddenlystartstoyell,you'renotgoingtofeelrespectedifthisisyourrule.You'regoingtobeangrybecauseithasbeenviolated.Butyourpartner'srulemaybe,"IfI'mrespectful, then I'm truthful about allmy feelingsandallmyemotions—good,bad,andindifferent—andIexpressthemwithallmyintensityinthemoment."Canyouimaginetheconflictthesetwopeoplecanhave?ThiswasthescenarioplayedoutbetweenBeckyandmewhenwefirstbegantodevelop our relationship.We had radically different rules about how to show

respectforanotherperson.Why?Igrewupinanenvironmentwhereyougotalotofpainifyouweren'thonest.Ifyouwalkedoutoftheroominthemiddleofaconversation,youwouldneverliveitdown.Thenumber-onerulewasthatyouhunginthereandexpressedyourhonestemotions,knowingyoucouldbewrong,butyoustayedthereuntileverythingwasworkedout.Meanwhile,Beckygrewupinafamilywheretheruleswerequitedifferentbutequallyclear.Shewas taught, "Ifyoudon'thave somethinggood to say,don'tsayanythingatall;ifyouhaverespectforsomeone,youneverraiseyourvoicetothem;ifsomeoneelseeverraisestheirvoice,theonlywaytokeepyourself-respectistogetupandleavetheroom."Withthiskindofconflictbetweenourrulesforrespect,BeckyandIdroveeachother crazy. We almost didn't get married because of this. Rules determineeverything—wherewego,whatwewear,whoweare,what'sacceptable tous,what'sunacceptable,whowehaveasfriends,andwhetherwe'rehappyorsadinvirtuallyanysituation.Somepeople'sruleforhandlingupsetis,"Ifyoucareaboutme,thenyouleaveme alone and let me deal with it my own way." Other people's rule is, "Ifsomebody'supset,andyoucareaboutthem,youimmediatelyintervenetotrytohelp."Thiscreatesatremendousconflict.Bothpeoplearetryingtoaccomplishthe same thing, which is to respect and care about each other, but their rulesdictate different behaviors, and their rules of interpretation will make theiractions seem adversarial rather than supportive. So if you ever feel angry orupsetwith someone, remember, it'syour rules that areupsettingyou,not theirbehavior.Thiswillhelpyoutostopblamingthem.Youcangetpastyourupsetquickly by first stopping and asking yourself, "Am I reacting to this, or am Iresponding to the situation intelligently?"Then, communicatewith thatpersonrightupfrontandsaysomethinglike,"I'msorryIrespondedthewayIdid.It'sjustthatyouandIhavedifferentrulesaboutwhatweneedtodointhissituation.Myexpectationsare that ifyou respectme,you'lldo_______and_______ . Iknowthosearen'tyourrules.Sopleasetellmewhatyourrulesare.Howdoyouexpressrespect,[love,caring,concern,etc.]?"Once you're both clear onwhat the other personwants, then you canmake adeal. Ask them, "Would you be willing to do _______ to make me feelrespected?I'dbewillingtodo_______foryou."Anyrelationship—businessorpersonal—canbeinstantlytransformedjustbygettingclearontherulesandmakinganagreementtoplaybythem.After all, how can you ever hope to win a game if you don't even know therules?

THECHALLENGEOFCHANGINGRULES

Haveyouever foundyourself ina situationwhereyouknewwhat the ruleswere,butallofasuddenexceptionsstartedcroppingup?Peoplehavetheuniqueabilitytocalluponsub-rulesthatmaybeinconflictwithalltheirotherrules.Agoodmetaphor for thismightbe ifyouand Idecide toplaybaseball together,andIaskyou,"Doyouknowhowtoplaybaseball?"andyousay,"Ofcourse."Thenyou'd review thebasics: "We'dplaynine innings, thepersonwho scoresthemostrunswins,you'vegottotouchallthebases,yougetthreeouts,andsoon.IfyouhitapopflyandIcatchit,you'reout.IfIdropit,you'resafe."Sowe start the game. Everything's going great until the bottom of the ninth,whenthescoreistied,Ihavetwomenonandonemanout,and,Ihitahighpopflytotheinfield.Myrulessaythatifyoucatchtheball,I'moutandthegameisover,butifyoudropit,I'msafeandthemenonbasehaveachancetoscore,andIcouldwinthisgame.Iimmediatelyruntobase;yougofortheballanddropit.I'mthrilled,I'monbase,myteammatescores,andIthinkwe'vewonthegame.But you come tome and say, "No, you're out!" I say, "What are you talkingabout?Youdroppedtheball!Therulesarethatifyoudropball,thenI'msafe."Andthenyousay,"That'strue,exceptwhentherearetwomenonandonemanout. In that case, even if I drop the ball then you're still out. That's the oneexception."Iprotest,"Youcan'tmakeuprulesaswe'regoingalong!"Youwouldanswer,"Ididn'tmake thisup. It'scalled the infieldflyrule.Everyoneknowsabout it." Iturn to my teammates, and they say no such rule exists. You turn to yourteammates,andtheyallsaythatthat'stherule—andweallendupfightingovertherules.Haveyoueverhadthisexperienceinapersonalrelationship?Youwereplayingbyalltherules,andallofasuddensomeonesaid,"Yes,that'strue,exceptinthisone situation," and you went ballistic. People feel very intensely about theirrules.Everyoneknowstheirrulesaretherightrules.Peoplegetespeciallyangrywhentheythinkothersaremakinguprulesorchangingthemalongtheway.Yetthisdynamicisapartofmostinteractionswithotherhumanbeings.PARADOXICALPROVERBS

Lookbeforeyouleap.Toomanycooksspoilthebroth.Absencemakestheheartgrowfonder.Youcan'tteachanolddognewtricks.

Thegrassisalwaysgreenerontheothersideofthefence.Apennysavedisapennyearned.Hewhohesitatesislost.Twoheadsarebetterthanone.Outofsight,outofmind.It'snevertoolatetolearn.There'snoplacelikehome.Youcan'ttakeitwithyou.In fact, the paradox of conflicting beliefs and rules is one of the reasons

peoplefindsomuchfrustrationintheirlives.Inarelationship,onepersonsays,"I loveyou,exceptwhenyouleavethecapoff thetoothpaste,"or"I loveyou,exceptwhenyouraiseyourvoiceatme."Someofthesesub-rulesseemtotallytrivial, but they can be very damaging. The best way to deal with this is torememberthatyourrulesarenotbasedonreality.They'repurelyarbitrary.Justbecauseyou'veusedthemandfeelstronglyaboutthemdoesn'tmeanthey'rethebest rules or the right rules. Rules should be designed to empower ourrelationships,notdestroythem.Anytimearulegetsintheway,thequestionweneedtoaskourselvesis,"What'smoreimportant?Myrelationshipormyrules?"Supposeyourtrustwasonceviolatedinaromanticrelationship,andnowyou'reafraidtogetclosetoanyoneelseagain.Younowhavearulethatsays,"Ifyougettooclose,you'llgethurt."Atthesametime,yourhighestvalueislove,andyourruleisthatinordertofeellove,youmustgetclosetosomeone.Nowyouhaveamajorconflict:yourrulesandvaluesareinabsoluteopposition.Whatcanyou do in this situation? The first step is to realize that you have conflictingrules.Thesecondstepistolinkenoughpaintoanyrulethatdoesn'tserveyou,andreplaceitwitharulethatdoes.Mostimportant,ifyouwanttohavequalityrelationshipswithotherpeople,whetherit'sinyourbusinessorpersonallife,youmust...

COMMUNICATEYOURRULES

Ifyouwanttotakecontrolofyourlife,ifyouwanttodowellinbusiness,ifyouwanttobeagreatnegotiator,ifyouwanttobeabletoimpactyourchildren,ifyouwant tobeclose toyour spouse, thenmake sureyoudiscover the rulesthey have for a relationship up front, and communicate ; yours aswell.Don'texpectpeopletolivebyyourrulesifyoudon'tclearlycommunicatewhattheyare. And don't expect people to live by your rules if you're not willing tocompromise and live by someof theirs. For example, in the beginningof anyrelationship,oneofthefirstthingsIdoislettheotherpartyknowmyrulesforthesituation,andtrytofindoutasmanyoftheirrulesaspossible.Iaskthingslike"Whatwill it take foryou toknow thatour relationship isworking?Howoftendowehavetocommunicate?Whatisnecessary?"For example, I was once talking with a friend of mine who is a well-knowncelebrity, and he shared with me that he didn't feel like he had very manyfriends.Isaid,"Areyousureyoudon'thavemanyfriends?Iseelotsofpeoplearoundyouwhotrulydocareaboutyou.Is it thatyou have rules that eliminate a lot of peoplewho could be your friends?"Hesaid,"Itjustdoesn'tfeellikethey'remyfriends."Isaid,"Whathastohappenforyoutofeellikethey'reyourfriends?"Hesaid,"Well,IguessIdon'tevenknowwhatmyrulesare,consciously."Aftergivingitsomethought,heidentifiedoneofhistoprulesforfriendship:ifyou'reafriendofhis,thenyoutalkwithhimatleasttwo,orthreetimesaweek."That'saninterestingrule,"Ithought."Ihavefriendsallovertheworld,peopleItrulylove.Butsometimes,evenwithmybestfriends,amonthormoremaygobybeforewegetachance to talkagain, justbecause of the intensity of our schedules.Often I'll be in seminars from earlymorninguntilverylateatnight,andthenImayhavehad100phonecallsinthatday.There'snophysicalwayIcouldtalktoallthosepeople!Yettheyallknowthey'remyfriends."ThenIaskedhim,"DoyouthinkI'myourfriend?"Hesaid,"Well,intellectuallyI know you are, but sometimes it doesn't feel like it because we don't talktogether often enough." I said, "Wow, I never knew that! I neverwould haveknownthatwasimportanttoyouifyouhadn'tcommunicatedittome.Ibetyouhavelotsoffriendswhomightlovemeetingyourrulesforfriendshipiftheyjustknewwhat theywere."Mydefinitionforfriendshipisquitesimple: ifyou'reafriend,thenyouabsolutelyloveapersonunconditionally,andyou'lldoanything

youcantosupportthem.Iftheycallyouwhenthey'reintroubleortrulyinneed,you're there for them.Months go by, yet the friendship would never weakenonceyoudecidethatsomebodyistrulyyourfriend.That'sit!Youneverquestionitagain.IthinkIhavelotsoffriendsbecausemyrulesforfriendshiparesoeasytomeet!Allyouhavetodoiscareaboutmeandloveme,andI'llcareaboutyouandloveyou,andnowwe'refriends.It'ssoimportanttocommunicateyourrulesforanysituationinlife,whetherit'slove, friendship, or business. By the way, even if you clarify all the rules inadvance,canmisunderstandingsstilloccur?Youbet.Sometimesyou'llforgettocommunicate one of your rules, or youmay not even consciously knowwhatsome of your rules are. That's why ongoing communication is so important.Neverassumewhenitcomestorules.Communicate.THEREARESOMERULESYOUCANNOTBREAK!ThemoreIbegantostudypeople'sbehaviorandtheimpactoftheirrules,the

moreinterestedIbecameinadynamicthatInoticedconsistently,andthatwasthattherearecertainrulesthatpeoplewouldneverviolate,andotherrulesthattheywouldviolatecontinuously—they'dfeelbadaboutiteachtime,butthey'dgoaheadanddoitanyway.Whatwasthedifference?Aftersomeresearch,theanswerbecameclear:wehaveahierarchyofrules,justaswedovalues.Therearecertainrulesthat,tobreakthem,wouldgiveussuchintensepain thatwedon'tevenconsider thepossibility.Wewill rarely, ifever,break them. I call these rules threshold rules. For example, if I asked you,"What'ssomethingyouwouldneverdo?,"you'dgivemeathresholdrule.You'dtellmea rule thatyouwouldneverviolate.Why?Becauseyou link toomuchpain to it.Conversely,we have some rules thatwe don'twant to break. I callthesepersonalstandards.Ifwedobreakthem,wedon't feelgoodabout it,butdependinguponthereasons,we'rewillingtobreakthemintheshortterm.Thedifference between these two rules is often phrased with the wordsmust andshould.Wehavecertainthingsthatwemustdo,certainthingsthatwemustnotdo,certainthingsthatwemustneverdo,andcertainthingsthatwemustalwaysdo.The"must"andthe"mustnever"rulesarethresholdrules;the"should"and"shouldnever"rulesarepersonalstandardrules.Allofthemgiveastructuretoourlives.Too many "must" rules can make life unlivable. I once saw a program thatfeaturedtwentyfamiliesofquintuplets.Eachsetofparentswasasked,"Whatisthe most important thing you've learned for maintaining sanity?" The onemessagethatwasechoedrepeatedlywas:Don'thavetoomanyrules.Withthismanybodies inmotion,and thismanydifferentpersonalities, ifyou'vegot too

manyrules,you'llgocrazy.Thelawofaveragessaysyourrulesaregoingtobeviolatedconstantly,andthereforeyou'regoingtobeincontinualstress,reactingtoeverything.Thiskindofstressaffectsyouandthepeoplearoundyou.Thinkoftheruleswehave today for women in our society. They even have a name for it: the"SuperwomanSyndrome."Womentodayseemtohavetodoeverything,anddoit perfectly. Not only do they have to take care of their husband, children,parents,andfriends,buttheyhavetohavetheperfectbody,theyhavetogooutandchangetheworld,theyhavetopreventnuclearwar,andtheyhavetobetheconsummatebusinesspersonon topof it all.Doyou think that couldcreate alittlestressinlife,havingthatmanymustsinordertofeelsuccessful?Ofcourse,womenaren'ttheonlyonesinsocietywhoaregoingthroughthis—today'smenandchildrenarealsoundertremendousstressbecauseofincreasedexpectations. If we're burdened with too many musts to meet, we lose ourenthusiasmandzestforlife;wejustdon'twanttoplaythegameanymore.Highself-esteemcomesfromfeelinglikeyouhavecontroloverevents,notthateventshavecontroloveryou.Andwhenyouhavealotof"must"rules,thechancesofthembeingviolatedaregreat.Whatwouldbea"mustnever" rule ina relationship?Manypeoplemight say,"Myhusbandorwifemustneverhaveanextramaritalaffair."Forotherpeople,however, that'sonlyashould rule:"Myhusbandorwifeshouldneverhaveanextramarital affair."Might that difference in rules have the potential to createproblems down the road? It's highly possible. In fact, when people haverelationshipupsets,invariablyit'sbecausealthoughthey'veagreedontherules,they haven't agreed on whether it's a "must never" or a "should never." It'snecessarynotonlytounderstandwhatkindsofrulesyourpartnerhas,butalsotokeepinmindthatboth"must"and"should"rulesareappropriate.In order to achieve certain outcomes, it's important to have plenty of "must"rulestomakesurethatwe'llfollowthrough,thatwe'lltakeaction.Forexample,Ihaveafriendwho'sinsuperbphysicalcondition.What'sinterestingishersetofrules for herself in the area of health: she has very few shoulds and a lot ofmusts. I askedher, "Whatmustyouneverdo ifyouwant tobehealthy?"Shesaid, "I must never smoke. I must never violate my body with drugs. I mustneverpigout.Imustnevergomorethanadaywithoutexercising."Then I asked, "Whatmustyoudo inorder tobehealthy?"Again, the listwaslong: "Imust exercise everyday for at least half anhour. Imust eat the rightkindsoffoods. Imusteatonlyfruit in themorning. Imustcombinemyfoodsproperly.Imustrideatleastfiftymilesonmybicycleeveryweek."Andthelistwent on. Finally I asked for her "should" rules. She said, "I should exercise

more."Andthatwasit!Now, thiswoman has an overweight friend.When I asked herwhat shemustneverdoinordertobehealthy,shegazedatmewithablankstare.Shehadno"mustnever" rules in the areaofhealth!Shedidhave a coupleofmust rules,however:shemusteat,andshemustsleep.ThenIaskedifshehadany"should"rules."Sure,"shesaid,"Ishouldeatbetter;Ishouldexercise.Ishouldtakebettercareofmybody."Shealsohadalistof"shouldnot"rulessuchas,"Ishouldnoteatmeat,Ishouldnotovereat,"andsoon.Thiswomanhadplentyofthingssheknewsheshoulddo,butbecauseshehadveryfew"must"rules,shenevergotintothepositionofgivingherselfintensepainfordoingunhealthythings.Anditwasn'tdifficulttorealizewhyshehadneverbeenabletokeeptheweightoff. If you've ever procrastinated on anything, were you perhaps using some"should"rulessuchas,"Ishouldstartthisproject"or"Ishouldbeginanexerciseprogram"?Whatwouldhavehappenedinsteadifyouhaddecided,"Imuststartthisproject"or"Imuststartthisexerciseprogram,"andthenfollowedthroughbyconditioningitintoyournervoussystem?Remember, we all need some structure. Some people have no clear rules forwhenthey'resuccessful.Rulescanprovidethecontextualenvironmentforustocreateaddedvalue.Rulescanmotivateustofollowthrough;theycancauseusto grow and expand. Your goal is simply to create a balance between your"must" rules and your "should" rules and to utilize both types of rules in theappropriatecontext.

RULESREALIGNMENT

Rightnow,begintotakecontrolofyourrulesbywritingdownyouranswerstothefollowingquestions.Makeyouranswersasthoroughaspossible.1.Whatdoesittakeforyoutofeelsuccessful?

2.What does it take for you to feel loved—by your kids, by your spouse, byyourparents,andbywhoeverelseisimportanttoyou?3.Whatdoesittakeforyoutofeelconfident?4.Whatdoesittakeforyoutofeelyouareexcellentinanyareaofyourlife?Nowlookattheserulesandaskyourself,"Aretheyappropriate?HaveImadeitreallyhardtofeelgoodandeasytofeelbad?"Doyouhave129thingsthatmusthappenbeforeyoufeelloved?Doesittakeonlyoneortwothingstomakeyoufeelrejected?If that's true, change your criteria and come upwith rules that empower you.Whatdoyourrulesneedtobeinorderforyoutobehappyandsuccessfulinthisendeavor?Here'sacriticaldistinction:designyourrulessothatyou'reincontrol,sothattheoutsideworldisnotwhatdetermineswhetheryoufeelgoodorbad.Setitupsothatit'sincrediblyeasyforyoutofeelgood,andincrediblyhardtofeelbad.For therules thatgovernyourmoving-towardvalues,use thephrase"AnytimeI..." In other words, create a menu of possibilities of ways to feel good. Forexample,"IfeelloveanytimeIgivelove,oranytimeIspendtimewithpeopleIlove,oranytimeIsmileatsomeonenew,oranytimeItalkwithanoldfriend,oranytimeInoticesomeonedoingsomethingniceforme,oranytimeIappreciatethosewhoalreadyloveme."Doyounoticewhatyou'vedone?You'vemadethegamewinnablebystackingthedeckoutrageouslyinyourfavor!Come up with tons of ways to satisfy your rules for feeling love; make itincrediblyeasy toexperience thatpleasure,andmakesure to includeplentyofcriteriathatareunderyoursolecontrol,soyoudon'thavetodependonanyoneoranythingelsetofeelgood.Anytimeyoudoanyofthesethings,youwouldfeel love—not just by meeting some outlandish criterion that only occurredaboutasoftenasa totaleclipseof thesun!By theway, Ihavea rule foryou:whileyou'redoing this, youmusthave fun!Getoutrageous; explore theouteredges.You'vebeenusingrulesallyourlifetoholdyouback;whynotgetafewlaughsattheirexpense?Maybeinordertofeellove,allyouhavetodoiswiggleyourlittletoe.Itsoundsweird,butwhoamItodecidewhatgivesyoupleasure?Now,besuretodiscovertherulesofthepeoplearoundyou.Gooutanddosome

polling. Find outwhat your kids' rules are for being a familymember, or forbeingsuccessfulinschool,orforhavingfun.Ibetyou'llbeamazedatwhatyoudiscover!Findoutyourspouse'srules;askyourparents;askyourbossoryouremployees.Onethingissure:ifyoudon'tknowtherules,you'reguaranteedtolosebecauseyou'reboundtoviolatethemsoonerorlater.Butifyouunderstandpeople'srules,youcanpredicttheirbehavior;youcantrulymeettheirneedsandthusenrich thequalityofyour relationships.Remember, themostempoweringruleistoenjoyyourselfnomatterwhathappens.Inthepastfewchapterswe'venearlycompletedlearningaboutthefiveelementsoftheMasterSystem.Weknowtheimportanceofstate,thewayquestionsdirectourfocusandevaluations,andthepowerofvaluesandrulestoshapeourlives.Nowlet'sdiscoverthefabricfromwhichalltheseelementsarecut...

REFERENCES:THEFABRICOFLIFE"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original

dimensions."OLIVERWENDELLHOLMESAshestoodontheflightdeck,theyounglieutenantwatchedajetplaneskid

outofcontrolontotheaircraftcarrier,awingslashingoutandnearlycuttinginhalfamanstandingonlyafewfeetaway.Theonlythingthatpulledhimthroughthe horror of the moment was the booming voice of his commanding officershoutingathim:"Somebodygetabroom,andsweepthesegutsoffthedeck!"Therewasnotimetothink.Hehadtorespondimmediately.Heandhisfellowcrewmenswepttheircomrade'sbodypartsoffthelandingstrip.Inthatinstant,nineteen-year-oldGeorgeBushhadnochoicebuttolearntodealwiththecarnageofwar.Itwouldbeamemoryhewouldreciteoftentodescribetheshockofviolentdeathandthenecessitytobeabletorespond.Anotherexperiencethatshapedhislifewasabombingmissionheflewnotlongafter the tragedy on the ship's deck.Hewas sent to bomb a radio tower on asmallislandintheSouthPacific.ChichiJimawasaPrisonerofWarfacilityrunby an infamous Japanese officer, Matoba, who Bush and his crew knew hadcommittedbrutalwarcrimesagainsthisprisoners:suchunbelievableatrocitiesas cannibalizing some of themen and putting their remains into the soup formeat,feedingittotheotherprisoners,andthentellingthemafterwardthattheyhadeatenhumanflesh.As young George Bush approached the target, he was absolutely resolved toisolate this madman by destroying his only tool of communication: the radiotower.Asheapproachedhisbombingrun,hewashitbyenemyattack.Smokefilledthecabin,buthewasdeterminedtohithismark.Inthefinalseconds,hemanaged to release thebomb, smashing the target anddestroying the antenna.Instantlyhegave theorders to eject.He turned theplanebackout to sea, andwhen his turn came, the bailout didn't take place as planned. His body wasslammed against the tail of the aircraft, tearing a portionof his parachute andgrazinghishead.The damaged parachute functioned only partially in breaking his fall, but justbeforehehitthewater,hecuthimselfloose.Strugglingbacktothesurfacewithbloodoozing fromhisheadwound,hedesperatelygroped forhis life raft.Hefoundit,butashedraggedhimselfintoit,hesawthat

thewaterandfoodcanistershadbeendestroyeduponimpactwiththeaircraft'stail.Tomakemattersworse,thecurrentwasslowlypullinghimdirectlytowardthebeachof the islandhe'd justbombed.Canyou imaginewhat theywoulddo tohim?Ashisraftwasdrawncloserandclosertotheshore,hisfeargrew.Then,suddenly,hebegantoseesomethinginthewater.Atfirsthethoughtitwashisimagination, then he realized it was a periscope. He was about to become aprisoneroftheJapanese.But as the huge submarine began to lift out of the water in front of him, herealizeditwastheFinback,anAmericansubmarine!Hewasrescued,butonlyintime for him to have to endure yet more peril . Upon picking up Bush, theFinback dropped quickly as the enemy boats approached and began droppingdepthchargesonthesubmarine.AlltheFinbackcoulddowasdiveandremaintotally still. The crewwas unable to do anything but call upon their faith andpraythattheexplosiveswouldnotdestroythem.GeorgeBushnotonlysurvivedthisexperience,butalsocompletedmanyothersuccessful bombingmissions, and returned a war hero. He said that his daysuponthatsubmarineweresomeofthemostimportantofhislife—dayswhenhebegantothinkaboutdestiny,aboutwhohewasandwhyhewasputonearth.What role did these experiences play in shaping the character, identity, anddestinyofGeorgeBush?Clearly,theybecamethefabricfromwhichmanyofhiscorebeliefsandvalueswouldbecut—thefabricIcallreferenceexperiences—theseexperienceswouldbepartofwhatwouldguidehimmorethanfortyyearslater tobecomingPresidentof theUnitedStates.Theyalsohelped tomoldhisbeliefsandhissenseofcertainty thatgoodmust"standup toevil."Theygavehima senseof confidence that if hegavehis all anddidn't giveup,hewouldproduce the results he desired against all odds. How do you think thesereferences shaped his actions almost five decades later as he sat in the OvalOffice,contemplatinghisresponsetoSaddamHussein'sunprovokedinvasionoffriendlyKuwait?If wewant to understandwhy people dowhat they do, a review of themostsignificantand impactful referenceexperiencesof their livescertainlygivesusclues. References—the fifth element of a person's Master System—reallyprovide the essence, or the building blocks, for our beliefs, rules, and values.TheyaretheclayfromwhichourMasterSystemismolded.Thereisnodoubtthat a person who has experienced and triumphed over tremendous adversityclearlyhasstrongreferencesfromwhichtobuildaconsistentlevelofconfidence—a belief or faith in themselves and in others, and the capacity to overcomechallenges.

Thelargerthenumberandgreaterthequalityofourreferences,thegreaterourpotential level of choices. A larger number and greater quality of referencesenablesus tomoreeffectivelyevaluatewhat thingsmeanandwhatwecando.ThereasonIsay"potential"choiceisthat,whilereferencesprovideuswiththefoundationalingredientsofourbeliefs,weoftenfail toorganizeourreferencesinways that strengthen us. For example, a youngmanmay have tremendousconfidenceandskillonthefootballfield,butwhenheentershishistoryclass,hemay fail to summon that same sense of certainty that could help him tomaximizehispotentialaswellintheclassroomashedoeswhenhe'sfacinghisfoe across the line on the gridiron. If he approached football with the sameattitude of defeat or doubt as he did his history class, he'd be incrediblyineffective.Whatdetermineswhichof our referencesweuse?Clearly, the emotional statewe're in will radically impact which files—i.e., which memories, emotions,feelings, sensations that we've stored—are available to us. When we're in afearfulstate,onlythereferenceswe'veassociatedwiththosefearfulsensationsinthepastseemtocometomind,andwefindourselvescaughtupinaloop("fear"leadingto"referenceoffear"leadingto"multipliedfear").Ifwe'refeelinghurtbysomeone,wetendtoopenthefileandremembereveryother experience when that person hurt us, rather than changing our state byremembering how this person really feels about us, remembering times whenthey'vebeenlovingtous.Therefore,thestatewe'reinwilldeterminehowmuchofthisfabricisavailableforthecreationofaqualitylife.Anotherfactorbesidesstate is tohave an expanded reference system,one that can clearly add toourlevel of understanding as to what is possible and what we're capable of, nomatterwhatchallengesmayarise.There's no doubt references are one of the most important elements of ourdecision-makingprocess.Theyclearlywillshapenotonlywhatwedo,buthowwefeelandwhowebecome.ContrastSaddamHussein'sreferenceexperienceswithGeorgeBush's.WeknowthatSaddam'sfatherphysicallyabusedhim,thathisuncletaughthimhowtonurtureagrudgeandtohatetheEnglish"overlords."WhileBushwas rewarded forheroism,Saddam's rolemodelswere thosewholearnedtocontrolotherswithmurderandpropaganda.Overaperiodofaboutfifteentotwentyyears,SaddamrepeatedlyattemptedtoousttheleaderofIraq,killinganyonewhogotinhisway.Asaresult,hedoesn'tperceivesetbacks, regardlessofhowbloody—as failures;he'scome tobelievethatinthelongrunhe'llalwayssucceed.Thisisabelief,bytheway,thathasallowedhimtoprevailevenafterhisdefeatinthePersianGulfWar.Bytheageofforty-twohehadeliminatedhisopponents

and taken control of Iraq. To many, Saddam is a monster, and people oftenwonder how the Iraqis can support him. The answer is that Iraqis perceiveSaddam Hussein as one who helped turn things around in their country: hehelpedtoprovidebetterhousing,education,andsoon.TotheIraqis,heisahero.Besides,all Iraqis from theageof fouror fiveare taught thathe'sahero.His image isdisplayed everywhere, and they seeonlyhis best sideonnationally controlledtelevision.Did SaddamHussein become a murderer purely because of his references ofbeing abused as a child? Far from it. Many people have emerged from verysimilarreferenceexperiencesascompassionateandsensitivepeoplewho,becauseoftheirpain,wouldneverallowanyoneelsetobeabusedaroundthem.Manyofthesepeoplestrivetohelpothers.CouldsomeoneelsehavebeenonthatsameshipwithGeorgeBushandbeendevastatedbythedeathof their friend, andused that asa reference for thebelief that life isnotworth living or that war is never justified? You bet. Once again, it's not ourreferences, but our interpretations of them, the way we organize them—thatclearlydetermineourbeliefs.Whichreferencesplaythelargestroleinourlife'sexperiences?Italldependsonwhatweget reinforced for.Saddamwas rewarded forcuttingawide swathofmurderanddestructionenroutetoleadershipofhiscountry.GeorgeBushwasreinforcedconstantlyforhisfocuson"doingtherightthing,"contributing,andhelping those in need. These reinforcements helped to create foundations forverydifferentdestiniesforthesemen'slives.WHATAREREFERENCES?References are all the experiences of your life that you've recorded within

your nervous system—everything you've ever seen, heard, touched, tasted, orsmelled—stored away inside the giant file cabinet of your brain. Somereferencesarepickedupconsciously,othersunconsciously.Someresultfromexperiencesyou'vehadyourself;othersconsistofinformationyou've heard from others, and all your references, like all human experience,becomesomewhatdistorted,deleted,andgeneralizedasyourecordthemwithinyournervoussystem.Infact,youalsohavereferencesforthingsthathaveneverhappened—anythingyou've ever imagined inyourmind is also stored inyourbrainasamemory.Manyofthesereferencesareorganizedtosupportbeliefsand,asyoulearnedinChapter 4, a belief is nothing but a feeling of certainty aboutwhat something

means.Ifyoubelieveyouareintelligent,it'sbecauseyouhaveactivatedcertainreferencestosupportthatfeelingofcertainty.Maybe you've had the experience of successfully tackling mental challenges,such as acing a test or running a business well. All of these referenceexperiences act as "table legs" to support the idea, or "tabletop," that you areintelligent.Wehaveenough referenceswithinus tobackupany ideawewant: thatwe'reconfident or thatwe'reweak, thatwe care or thatwe're selfish. The key is toexpandthereferencesthatareavailablewithinyourlife.Consciously seek out experiences that expand your sense ofwho you are andwhatyou'recapableof,aswellasorganizeyourreferencesinempoweringways."Theknowledgeoftheworldisonlytobeacquiredintheworld,andnotina

closet."LORDCHESTERFIELDNot longago Iheardabout amanwho found$35,000cash inabagon the

street.Heinstantlysoughtoutandreturnedittotheowner.Everyonewhoheardthestorywantedtocongratulatethisman,butheshiedawayfromthemediaandrefused to be filmed.He adamantly insisted that returning themoneywas theright and only thing he could do. It turned out that this money was the lifesavings of a sixty-eight-year-oldwoman, and through his one act he probablysaved her financial life, yet he refused to take credit. Why? Clearly thereferencesofhispasthadhelpedhim todevelopabelief that takingcredit fordoing what obviously was the right thing would be totally inappropriate. Hedidn'tdecidetoavoidtherecognitiononawhim;hehadasenseofcertaintythatonlyhislifereferencescouldcreate.Thinkofyourreferences,boththoseyouconsidertobegoodandbad,asagiantbolt of fabric woven from your experiences.With the other elements of yourMaster System—your state, questions, values, and beliefs—you cut a patternfromthisfabricthatenablesyoutomakedecisionsaboutwhattodowithyourlife.You have an inexhaustible supply of references that can be designed anyway you wish. And each day, you're adding to this supply. One importantmeasureof aperson's intelligence is theway inwhich theyuse their fabricofreferences. Do you craft a curtain to hide behind, or do you fashion amagiccarpetthatwillcarryyoutounequalledheights?Doyouconsciouslydigthroughyour lifeexperienceandpullout thosememories thatempoweryoumostonaconsistentbasis?As you learned in Chapter 4, probably one of the most valuable things thatreferencesdoforusistoprovideafeelingofcertainty.Withoutthem,wewould

liveourwholelivesafraidorindoubt;wewouldn'tbeabletofunction.Woulditdisturbyouif thisbooksuddenlylevitated,floatedaway,andcametorestfivefeetinfrontofyou?Theonlyreasonyouwouldfeelanyfearisthatyouhavenoreferencesforthis.You'dhavenoideahowtointerpretwhatitmeans.Whywillababyreachintoadirtyashtray,pulloutacigarettebutt,andchewonit?Isn'titbecausetheydon'thaveanyreferencesthattellthemthisisnotgoodforthem?(Ofcourse,someadultsstillhaven'tfiguredthisoneout!)Letme ask you again.Howdo you use your references?Do you consciouslyinterprettheminwaysthatempoweryou,inwaysthatsupporttheachievementof your goals? Or does your brain automatically latch on to individualexperienceswhereyou'renot supported, anddevelopbeliefs like "Everybody'souttogetme,"or"EverytimeItryanything,Igetknockeddown,"or"Idon'tdeservetobeloved"?Thewaywe use our referenceswill determine howwe feel, becausewhethersomething isgoodorbad isallbasedonwhatyou'recomparing it to.Whenabusinesswomanchecksintoahotelroom,whetherornotshethinkstheroomisniceisbasedonherpastreferences.IguaranteethatifyoutooksomeonefromEasternEurope andgot thema room in the simplest budgetmotel here in theUnited States, youwould find that they'd be thrilled, thinking that theseweretop-rateaccommodations.Sometimesweloseperspectivethatgoodandbadaremerelybaseduponourreferences.DateWithDestinyisoneofmyfavoritelearningenvironmentsbecauseI'mableto consistently see how people's references are being used to shape theirbehavior. As part of an in-depth questionnaire participants fill out before theseminar, they list fiveexperiences that they feelhaveshaped theirentire lives.Whattheyaredoingissharingwithmesomeoftheirmostpowerfulreferences,and it amazes me how many different meanings they take from the samereferences. Some people have been raped, sexually abused, abandoned. Somehavecomefrombrokenorimpoverishedhomes.Yetsomepeopleinterprettheseexperiencesinawaythathelpsthemformthebeliefthattheirlifeisnotworthliving,andothersuseittomotivatethemselvestostudy,toexpand,togrow,toshare,tobemoresensitive.It'struethatSaddamHusseinwasabusedasachild,butsowasOprahWinfrey.Hereisawomanwhowasrapedandviolentlymistreatedinheryouth,yettodayshetouchesmillionsoflivesdailywithhertelevisionshow.Simplybysharingherownexperiences, shehashelpedpeople toheal someof thewounds fromtheir pasts. Millions of Americans feel close to her because they know sheunderstands;i.e.,shehasreferencesofpain,justliketheydo.

"Weliftourselvesbyourthought,weclimbuponourvisionofourselves."ORISONSWETTMARDENReferencesarenotlimitedtoyouractualexperience.Yourimaginationitselfis

a source of references. RememberRogerBannister and the four-minutemile?Noonebelieveditwasphysicallypossibleforhumanbeingstorunthemileinless than four minutes, yet he created his own sense of certainty throughimaginedreferences.Hevisualizedoverandoveragainbreakingthefour-minutemile, hearingand feelinghimselfbreak thebarrieruntil pretty soonhehad somany reference legs thathe felt certainhewould succeed—ascertainasotherpeoplewerethataccomplishingthistaskwasimpossible.We need to remember that our imagination is ten timesmore potent than ourwillpower. Because Bannister was able to use his imagination as the legssupporting the tabletop of certainty, he was able to produce a result that wasunheardofthroughouthumanhistory.Imaginationunleashedprovidesusasenseofcertaintyandvisionthatgoesfarbeyondthelimitationsofthepast.RecentlyMr.AkioMoritasentmehisbook,Made inJapan.Mr.Morita is theco-founderofSonyCorporationandanunbelievablybrilliantman.ThedestinyofSony, just like any individual's, is the result of a series of decisions. In hisbook,Moritadisclosesthatoneofthetoughestandmostimportantdecisionsheever made was to turn down an offer from Bulova Corporation to purchase100,000ofhisbreakthroughtransistorradios—atatimewhenhiscompanywasnotevenmoving10,000unitsamonth.Theamountofmoneytheyofferedhimwas ten times what his company was worth at the time, yet after deepconsiderationherejectedthedeal.Why?SimplybecauseBulovawanted toput theirownnameon the radio.Herealizedthatwhileintheshorttermsayingyeswouldgivehiscompanyahugejump, he would be building Bulova's name instead of Sony's. The Bulovaexecutivescouldnotbelievehewouldturndowntheiroffer.Hetoldthem,"Fiftyyearsfromnow,mycompany'snamewillbeasbigasyours,andIknowthattheradioI'vecreatedisgoingtohelpusdevelopthatname."Of course, all ofMorita's partners thought hewas crazy.Howwas he able tocreatethissenseofcertaintythatenabledhimtoturndownsuchanenticingandprofitable offer? He vividly imagined the future of his company, and createdreferenceswhere none existed.Hedirectedhis focus and envisionedhis goalswithclarity,and thenbacked itupwithabsoluteandactive faith.Today,SonyCorporation is not only a leader in the electronics industry, generating $27billion a year, but has also diversified to industries as far-reaching as filmmaking (acquiringColumbia andTri-Star Pictures) andmusic (acquiringCBS

RecordsandColumbiaHouse),andisrenownedforitsqualityaroundtheworld.Withfaith,youcanclingtoyourvisioninthefaceofseemingfailure.WhatifThomasEdisonhadgivenup after his first failed attempt tomake the electriclight bulb? Or even after his hundredth attempt? Luckily for all of us, hepersistedbeyondthousandsofattempts.Hecouldhavetakeneachinstanceasareference to back up a belief that his invention was not feasible. Instead, hechosetouseeachfailedattemptasareferenceforthebeliefthathewasgettingclosertothesolution.Remember,don'tdriveintothepastusingyourrear-viewmirrorasaguide.Youwanttolearnfromyourpast,notliveinit—focusonthethingsthatempoweryou.

READINGISFEEDINGYOURMIND

Youarenotevenlimitedtoyourownpersonalexperiencesasreferences.Youcanborrowthereferencesofotherpeople.Earlyinmylife,Ichosetofocusonthose who had made it, those who had succeeded and contributed and wereimpacting people's lives in a major way. I did so by reading biographies ofsuccessfulpeopleandlearnedthatregardlessoftheirbackgroundorconditions,when they held on to their sense of certainty, and consistently contributed,success eventually came. I used their references asmyown, forming the corebeliefthatIcouldtrulyshapemyowndestiny.DoyouremembermyfriendCaptainGeraldCoffeewhowasaprisonerofwarinVietnamforoversevenyears?Agooddealofthattimewasspentinsolitaryconfinement.Oneofthethingsthatenabledhimtopreservehissanitywhentheoutsideworldgavehimnoreferencesforjoywastoturntohisownrichinternalworld. As a child he had memorized various poems and stories, which herepeated tohimself tocreateadifferent"environment" from theonehehad toenduredayafterday.Youdon'thavetogointosolitaryconfinementtodiscoverthebeautyandpowerofcultivatingabountifultreasurechestofmemoriesandimagined references. How can you fill that chest? Explore the wealth ofliterature, stories, myths, poetry, and music. Read books, view movies andvideotapes, listen to audiotapes,go to seminars, talkwithpeople, andgetnewideas.Allreferenceshavepower,andyouneverknowwhichonecouldchangeyourentirelife.Thepowerofreadingagreatbookisthatyoustartthinkingliketheauthor.ForthosemagicalmomentswhileyouareimmersedintheforestsofArden,youareWilliam Shakespeare; while you are shipwrecked on Treasure Island, you areRobertLouisStevenson;whileyouarecommuningwithnatureatWalden,youareHenryDavidThoreau.Youstarttothinkliketheythink,feelliketheyfeel,anduseimaginationastheywould.Theirreferencesbecomeyourown,andyoucarrythesewithyoulongafteryou'veturnedthelastpage.Thatisthepowerofliterature,ofagoodplay,ofmusic;thatiswhyweconstantlywanttoexpandourreferences.Iusedtobelievethatgoingtoseeaplaywasawasteoftime.Why?BecausetheonlyplaysIhadeverattendedwerepoorlyacted,and theirpacewaspainfullyslow.ButonedayBeckyandIdecidedtoseethemusicalLesMiserables.Ihavenever seen, read, or heard anything thatmovedme sodeeply.Since then, I'vebecomeaddictedtogreattheater,andeachtimewegotoNewYorkCity,it'sa

priorityforustocatchashow."Imaginationismoreimportantthanknowledge."

ALBERTEINSTEINOneofthefinestbeliefsIdevelopedyearsagothathelpedmetoenjoyallof

mylifeexperiencewastheideathattherearenobadexperiences,thatnomatterwhatIgothroughinlife—whetherit'sachallengingexperienceorapleasurableone—everyexperienceprovidesmesomethingofvalueifIlookforit.IfIpulljustoneideaoronedistinctionfromanexperience,thenitexpandsme.Backwhen Iwas still in high school and scraping togethermoney anyway Icouldinordertoattendpersonaldevelopmentseminars,myfriendswereamazedthatI'dgobacktosomeofthesameseminarsagainandagain.Oftenthey'daskme,"Whywouldyougobacktothesameprogram?"InevitablyI'dtellthemthatI understood the power of repetition, and each time I heard something newbecause I was different. Plus I knew that hearing something again and againwould eventually conditionme to use it, that repetition truly is themother ofskill.EverytimeIreviewedaprogram,Imadeadditionaldistinctionsorheardideasthatimpactedmedifferentlyandenabledmetocreatenewreferences,andthusnewinterpretations,newactions,andnewresultsinmylife.USECONTRASTTOPUTYOURLIFEINPERSPECTIVEWhilesomereferencesennobleyouandgiveyouahighervision,othersshow

you a side of life you'd rather not experience. But these are the sorts ofreferencesthatcanbeusedtohelpyoukeepyourlifeinbalance.Theyprovideanewlevelofcontrast.Nomatterhowbadyouthinkthingsare inyour life, it'sgood to remember that someone else has itworse.Atmynine-dayMastery™programs,Iinvariablytakeaportionofonedaytobringinpeoplewho'vebeenthroughphysicaloremotionalhellandhavecomeoutontop—theW.Mitchellsof the world, or my good friend Mique Davis, who, in his drunken youth,decidedtojumpoffabridgebutdidn'trealizethewaterwasonlyabouttwofeetdeep.Heinstantlybecameparalyzedfromtheneckdown.Thesepeoplebegintoshare from theirheartshowgreat life is, howhappy theyare tobealive,howmuchthey'vebeenabletoaccomplish.OrIbringinmygoodfriendDax,whowastrappedinafire,hadhisentirebodyburned,andwasblinded.Later,inspiteofallthesechallenges,hebecameapracticingattorney.The themefor theday is toestablishasimpleandprofoundbelief:"Ihavenoproblems." In contrast with the brave individuals who share their stories,everyoneelseintheroomknowstheyhavenochallengeswhatsoever.Suddenly,theproblemsthey'rehavingwiththeirspouses,theirchildren'sgrades,thelossof

abusiness,ortheirfailuretoachievegoalsareimmediatelyputintoperspective.We can also use new references to motivate ourselves if we start becomingcomplacent.Whileit'struethatnomatterhowbadthingsareforyou,someoneelse is going through somethingworse, it's also true that nomatter howwellthingsaregoingforyou,someoneelseisdoingevenbetter.Justwhenyouthinkyour skill has reached the highest level, you find there's someone else who'sachievedevengreaterheights.Andthat'soneofthebeautiesoflife:itdrivesustoconstantlyexpandandgrow.The power of having new references to raise our standards for ourselves isimmense,whether it'sstudyingtheteachingsofagreatspiritual leaderwho, inspite of abuse by others, continues to give love, or seeing those who'vesucceededfinanciallyandnoticingwhat'strulypossible.I'llneverforgetthefirsttime Imet architect and hotelmagnateChrisHemmeter.Becky and I had theprivilegeofbeingamongthefirstpeopletobeinvitedtovisitChris'snewhome,alongwithhisfamily,inHawaii—a$70millionresidencethatisbeyondverbaldescription.Thefrontdooralonecost$1milliontocreate.Whileyourrulesmaysay, "That's an incredible waste of money," it was also an unbelievablyexpanding experience of what is possible in terms of business or economicgrowth.Suddenly,my$4millionCastlewasputinperspective.Itbarelycoveredthecostofhisfrontdoorandmarblestairway!Certainly therewasroominmylifeforthinking bigger, pushing limits, imagining the unimaginable. The best part ofmeetingChrisandhiswife.Patsy,wasdiscoveringthattheyareincrediblywarmpeople, that they use their wealth to create an environment that truly inspiresthem.Usingcontrastingreferencesisoneofthemostpowerfulways,then,tochangeourperceptionsandourfeelings.IfIeverstarttoloseperspectivebecauseIfeellikeI'mworkingtoohard,Ithinkaboutamanwhoattendedoneofmyseminarsyears ago.Hewas awarmandgentle soulwhounfortunately endedup in thewrongplaceatthewrongtime.Onedayshyofhisforty-fifthbirthdayhepulledintoagasstationwherethereweretwomenwhohadjustthatdaybeenreleasedfromprison.From their brief episode of freedom, these men had decided they weren'tcomfortablewith lifeon theoutside,and theyhituponaplan togetback intoprison:they'dkilltheverynextpersonwhodroveintothisgasstation.Itdidn'tmatterwhoitwas,whattheiragewas,maleorfemale;they'djustkill thenexthumanbeing.Whenthismandroveupandgotoutofhiscartofillhistank,theyattackedandbrutallybeathimtodeath.Now, do you think you have problems?He left behind awife and four small

children.Iwasdevastatedbythestory;Icouldn'tbelieveit.Howdoyoucomeout with a positive meaning from an experience that seems to have none? Icouldn't even imagine this happening to a member of my family and what itwould do tome. I kept askingmyselfwhat I could do to help. I immediatelycalledhiswidowandofferedtohelpher inanywayIcould.Myprimarygoalwastomakesurethatshewastryingtofindsome form of empowering meaning for herself and her children from thisexperience.Itwouldhavebeentooeasytousethisasareferencetobackupabelief that life isnotworth living, thathumankind is evil anddestructive, thatyoucandoeverythingrightandstillbemoweddownlikeabladeofgrass,sowhyeventry?I communicated to this woman the importance for her children's sake ofsomehow finding in this experience a shred of meaning to empower them atsome level.WhenIaskedherwhat thisexperiencecouldmean,sheexpressedhowdeepherpainwas,butmoreimportant,theonethingaboutthisexperiencethatwaspositivewasthatwhenthestorywasmadeknowninthenewspapers,anunbelievable amount of love, support, and caring poured forth. She receivedliterallyhundredsoflettersandoffersofsupportfrompeopleinthecommunity,peoplefromallwalksoflife.Shesaid,"IrealizedthatifIbelievedthatpeopleweredestructiveorthatthismeantthatlifewasunfair,I'ddestroymyselfandmychildren.So while it's unbelievably painful right now, I know that this must havehappenedforareason.Idon'thaveawaytobackitup;itisjustmyfaith."Thiswomanfoundthecouragetousefaithastheultimatereference.Herwillingnesstotrustthattheremustbeareason,evenifshe'snotawareofit,freedherfromthemostpainfulexperienceofherlifeandempoweredher.Whatapowerfulwoman!Howluckythesechildrenare!Shetoldthem,"Kids,Iwantyoutonoticeallthesepeopleandhowmuchlovetheyaregiving.Peoplearereallygood.Thereareafewintheworldwhoarebad,andtheyneedtobehelped,butyourdaddyalwaysbelievedinGod,andnowhehasgonetoabetterplace.Hehadthingstodowhilehewashere,andhistimewasup,butourtimeisnotup,andwehavetotakeadvantageofitwhilewearehere.Wehavetouseyourfather'sdeathtoremindusthateverydaywehavetolivelifetoitsfullest.Andwecan'tthinkaboutlosinghim,becausehewillalwaysbewithus.""Itisonlywiththeheartthatonecanseerightly;whatisessentialisinvisible

totheeye."ANT0INEDESAINT-EXUPERYCould it be possible that what seem like the worst days in our lives are

actuallythemostpowerfulintermsofthelessonswecanchoosetolearnfromthem?Thinkaboutoneoftheworstexperiencesthathaseverhappenedtoyou.Asyoulookbackuponitnow,canyouthinkofanywaysinwhichithadsomekind of positive impact on your life? Maybe you were fired, or mugged, orinvolvedinacaraccident,butoutofthatexperienceyougainedanewresolve,or a new awareness that caused you to grow as a person and measurablyincreasedyourabilitytocontribute.I realize that some situations may be more challenging than others to findsomethinggoodabout,butbythispointinthebook,you'renolongeranovice.You've been stretching your imagination and flexing your muscles ofempowerment.You've learnedhowtomanageyourstateanddirectyour focusbyaskingbetterquestions.Ifyouwereabusedasachild,maybeitmadeyouamoresensitiveperson towardchildrenandcausedyou tomake thedecision tobreak that generational chain of abuse; if you grew up in a very restrictiveenvironment,perhapsitdroveyoutofightforthefreedomofothers;ifyoufeltthatyouneverwerelovedenough,youmaynowbeamajorgiver.Ormaybejustthat"horrible"eventcausedyoutomakenewdecisions,tochangethedirectionof your life, and therefore your destiny. Perhaps your worst days have reallybeenyourbest.You may protest, "No, Tony, there are some things in my past that have nopurpose.I'llnevergetoverthem;I'llalwayshavepain."You'reabsolutelyright:as longasyouholdon to thebelief thatyouhavebeen takenadvantageof,orthat you've lost something that can never be returned, youwill indeed alwayshavethatpain.Justremember,lossisimaginary.Nothingeverdisappearsintheuniverse; itonlychanges form. If there is something that stillwoundsyou, it'sbecauseofthemeaningthatyouhavelinkedtoit.Maybewhatyouneedtodoistohavefaithandsay,"EventhoughIdon'tknowwhythishashappened,Iamwillingtotrust.Someday,whenthetimeisright,Iwillunderstand."Limited references create a limited life. If youwant to expand your life, youmustexpandyourreferencesbypursuingideasandexperiencesthatwouldn'tbea part of your life if you didn't consciously seek them out. Remember, rarelydoesagoodideainterruptyou;youmustactivelyseekit.Empoweringideasandexperiencesmustbepursued.AUNIVERSEOFIDEASANDEXPERIENCESInexpandingourreferences,wecreateagreatcontrastwithwhichtoevaluate

lifeandpossibility.Ifyou'vebeenmagnifyingyourproblemsoutofproportion,considerthis:weliveinagalaxythatcontainsseveralhundredthousandmillionstars.Thenrealizethatweliveinauniversethathasseveralhundredthousand

milliongalaxies.Inotherwords,thereareseveralhundredthousandmillionsunsinourgalaxyalone.Andallofthesesunshaveplanetsrevolvingaroundthemaswell!Thinkofthemagnitude.ThestarsinourgalaxymakeoneturnaroundtheMilkyWay'saxisonlyonceeveryseveralhundredmillionyears.Whenyouthinkaboutthe immensity of this universe, and then look at the life span of an averagehuman being (generously about eighty years), does it give you a differentperspective?Thehumanlifespanisbutaspeckintime.Andyetpeopleworrythemselves to death about things like how they're going to pay themortgage,whatkindofcartheydrive,orhowtheirnextbusinessmeetingwillgo."Ibelievealeafofgrassisnolessthanthejourney-workofthestars."

WALTWHITMANI'malwaystryingtoexpandandimprovemyreferencesbecauseIbelievein

theoldcomputertermGIGO:GarbageIn,GarbageOut.Eachdaythatwelive,we're taking in new information, ideas, concepts, experiences, and sensations.Weneedtoconsciouslystandguardatthedoorsofourmindstomakesurethatwhatever we're allowing to enter will cause our lives to be enriched, that theexperienceswepursuewill add toour stockpileofpossibility. In assistingourchildren toexpandandgrow,weneed toguide themintoexperiences thatwillprovidepositivereferencesfortheirfuture—referencesthatwillhelpthemknowthey'recapableofdealingwithvirtuallyanything.Simultaneously, we need to teach themwhat to watch out for in life. Certainreferencesdenigrateourexperienceoflife.Areyoualittlebitconcernedwhenyouhearmusic like that of theGetoBoys?Oneof their recent songs is a rapsongaboutcuttingagirl's throatand thenhavingsexwithhercorpse.Doyouthink this kind of reference repeated again and again, not just in children'sminds, but in anybody's,would be a little bit destructive? I'm not saying thatsomeone'sgoingtohear thisandthengooutanddoit; I'mjustsayingthat it'strash.DoesthatmeanI'mpromotingcensorship?Absolutelynot.Ithinkoneofthebeautiesofourcountryisfreedom,butIthinkthatyouandI,asleaders,havetherightandresponsibility toknowwhatreferencesmeanandthe impact theycanhaveonthequalityofourlives.EXPANDYOURREFERENCESANDEXPANDYOURLIFEWecanalwaysusewhateverlifehastoofferinanempoweringway,butwe

havetodoitproactively.ThechoicesIhaveinmylifecomefromarichsetofreferenceexperiencesthatIhaveconsciouslypursuedonanongoingbasis.Each

day I look for ways to expand. Into my thirty-one years I've packed literallyhundredsofyearsofexperience.HowcanIsaythat?Thenumberofchallengingand enriching experiences that I have in amonth relatesmore closely towhatmostpeopleexperienceoveraperiodofyears.OneofthemajorwaysIbegantodothis,startingattheageofseventeen,wasthrough the rich experiences that booksprovide.Early inmy life, I developedthebelief that leadersare readers.Bookscould takeme toother landswhereIcouldmeetuniquepeoplelikeAbrahamLincolnorRalphWaldoEmersonwhomI could utilize as my personal coaches. I also knew that within the pages ofbooksIcouldfind theanswers tovirtuallyanyquestionIhad.ThisbreadthofreferencesthathundredsofbookshavegivenmehasprovidedcountlesschoicesforhowIcanassistpeople.IpursuedthesereferencesbecauseIrealizedthatifIdidn'tfeedmymindwiththenourishmentitcraved,thenIwouldhavetosettlefortheintellectualjunkfoodthatcouldbefoundinthenightly"soundbites"ontelevisionnewsor throughtheopinionsof thenewspapers. If this isourmajorsourceof information, thenwecanexpect toget the same results as everyoneelseinsocietydoes.Themostpowerfulwaytohaveagreatunderstandingoflifeandpeople,togiveourselvesthegreatestlevelofchoice,istoexposeourselvestoasmanydifferenttypes of references as possible. In my youth, I was inspired to seek spiritualunderstanding when I realized that I'd attended only one church and beenexposed to only one religious philosophy for themajority ofmy life. In highschoolIreceivedascholarshipinjournalismtoattendatwo-weekprogramheldatCaliforniaPolytechnicStateUniversity inSanLuisObispo.On thatSundaywewereallgivenanassignmenttowriteastoryaboutachurchservice.Aswebegan towalk through the community, decidingwherewewouldgo, Ifoundmyselfgravitatingtowardthechurchofmydenomination.Butalongtheway,IheardseveralofmyfriendstalkingabouttheMormonChurchwehadjustpassedandhow"horrible" thosepeoplewere. Itseemedtomethatpeople justaren'tthatdeplorable;Ihadtoseewhatwasgoingon.SoIattendedtheservice,andsawthattheMormonslovedGodasmuchasIdid.Theonlydifferencewasthattheyhadafewrulesthatvariedslightlyfrommyown.This started my spiritual odyssey, which developed into a personal ritual foralmostayearandahalf.Throughoutmyeighteenthandnineteenthyears,twoorthreetimesamonth,Iwouldattendatotallydifferenttypeofworship:Lutheran,Catholic, Baptist, Episcopalian,Methodist, Jewish, Buddhist, and so on. As aresult of this, I truly began to live at amore spiritual levelwhere I began to

appreciate all people's spiritual beliefs. Even if I didn't subscribe to theirparticularrulesorperceptions,Ihadamuchbroaderbaseofunderstandingandcompassionasaresult.Ifyouwanttoexpandyourlife,goforit!Pursuesomeexperiencesthatyou'venever had before. Go scuba diving. Explore the underseaworld, and find outwhatlife'slikeandwhatyou'relikeinawholenewenvironment.Goskydiving.Whenyou'resittingontheedgeofaplane12,500feetintheair,andyouknowyou'regoingtofallforanentireminuteat120milesanhour,togetyourselfoutofthatplanerequiresabsolutefaith.Youdon'tknowwhatfaithisuntilyouhavethisreference!Gotakethathelicopterlesson.Iassureyou,itwillchangeyourlifeforever.Takefourdaysandgotoracingschool.You'lllearnmoreaboutlimitsandpossibilitythan you could imagine. Go spend an evening at the symphony, if it's notsomethingyouusuallydo—orarockconceit,ifthat'swhatyouhabituallyavoid.Expandyourlevelofchoice.Oneday,spontaneously,gobyachildren'shospitalduring visiting hours. Go meet some strangers and tell some stories. Thechallengetodeveloprapportandfindawaytotouchothers'liveswillchangeyouforever.Maybeit'stimetoimmerse yourself in another culture and see the world through others' eyes.Maybeit'stimetovisitFijiandcelebrateinakavaceremonywiththelocals.Ortakepartina"ridealong"programatyourlocalpolicedepartment,whereyou sit in theback seatof apatrol car and seeyourcommunitythroughanofficer'seyes.Remember, if we want to understand and appreciate people, one of the mostpowerfulwaysistosharesomeoftheirreferences.Perhapsit'stimetogobacktoschool,toexplorethe"inneruniverse"intheformofbiologyorphysiology,or understandour culturebetter through a studyof sociologyor anthropology.Remember,any limits thatyouhave inyour lifeareprobably just theresultoflimitedreferences.Expandyourreferences,andyou'llimmediatelyexpandyourlife.While the possibilities I've touched on are exciting and inspiring, they areofferedtogetyourjuicesflowing.Youdon'thavetodoallofthem—oranyofthem—inordertogainnewreferences.Youdon'thavetogoonsafariinAfrica;you can just go around the comer, and help a homeless person in your owncommunitydiscoverresourcesoftheirownthattheyneverknewexisted.Wholeworldsopenupwiththeadditionofjustonenewreference.Itcouldbeonenewthingyou seeor hear, a conversationor amovieor a seminar, somethingyoureadontheverynextpage—youneverknowwhenitmayhappen.

"Theonlywaytodiscoverthelimitsofthepossibleistogobeyondthemintotheimpossible."ARTHURC.CLARKENow let's take inventoryof someof themostpowerful references that have

shapedyourlife.Takeamomentnowandwritedownfiveofthemostpowerfulexperiences thathaveshapedwhoyou'vebecomeasaperson.Givenotonlyadescription of the experience, but how that experience impacted you. If youwritedownanything that seems tohave impactedyounegatively, immediatelycomeupwithanotherinterpretationofthatevent,nomatterwhatittakes.Thismayrequiresomefaith;itmayrequireanewperspectiveyouneverwouldhaveconsidered before. Remember, everything in life happens for a reason and apurpose, and it serves us. Sometimes it takes years or decades for us to findvalue.Butthereisvalueinallhumanexperience.Asyoureviewthislistofalltheeventsthathavepositivelyshapedyourlife,Iwant you to think about somenew references thatwouldbeveryvaluable foryou to pursue. What are some new experiences you need? A good questionmightbe,"Inordertoreallysucceedatthehighestlevel,toachievewhatIreallywantformylife,whataresomereferencesIneed?"Maybewhatyouneedtodoismodelsomebodywhohasreallymadetheirrelationshipswork;findoutwhatsomeoftheirbeliefsare,whatsomeoftheirreferencesareaboutwhatmakesarelationshipwork.Ormaybeyoujustneedtoseekoutreferencesthatmakeyouappreciatelifemoreorthatmakeyoufeellikeyouarecontributing.Now thinkof some fun references tohave.Maybeyoudon't "need" them,butthinkof some thatwouldbe entertainingorwould justmakeyou feel good. Ibegan tostudymartialartsbecause Iknewwhatan incrediblesetofstates thedisciplinewouldprovide.Iearnedmyblackbeltintoekwondoineightmonthsby studyingdirectlywith thegreatGrandmaster JhoonRheeandmodelinghisincredibly intense focus. I realized that if I could have the experience ofdiscipliningmyselfsofiercelyinthatareaofmylife,thenthatreferencewouldspillovertomanyotherareas—anditdid.So,whatelsecouldyoudo?Onceyou've brainstormed a list of great references to acquire, put a time lineandadateoneach.Decidewhenyouaregoingtodoeveryone.Whenareyougoing to learn tospeakSpanishorGreekorJapanese?Whenareyougoing totakethathot-airballoonride?Whenareyougoingtogotothelocaloldfolks'homeandsingcarols?Whenareyougoingtodosomethingunusualandnew?What are some references you could provide for your family that would beinvaluable? Maybe it is taking your kids to the Smithsonian, maybe it issomething as simple as sitting down and talking about the references that the

familyhasalreadyshared,orgettingtogetherwithsomeofthegrandparentsandtalkingabouttheirlivesandwhattheyhavelearned.Whatinvaluablereferencesthesesixty-,seventy-,eighty-,andninety-plusyear-oldshaveforthoseofuswhoareyounger!OneofthemostpowerfulreferencesIhavesharedwithmyfamilyisdeliveringThanksgiving dinners to thosewho cannot orwill not visit shelters. I'll neverforgetmyyoungest son's reactionwhen hewas four years old. Itwas Jairek'sfirst time participating, and we went to a park in Oceanside, California. Wefoundanoldmanwhowassleepingonthefloorofabathroomwithnodoors,trying to cover himself with old clothes he had found in trash cans.My sonmarveledathisverylongbeardandwasa littlebitscared.IhandedJairekthebasketof foodandothersurvivalgoodies,andsaid,"Goonandgive it to thisman,andwishhimaHappyThanksgiving."Jairekapproachedcautiously.Ashewentintothebathroomwithabasketthatwasasbigashewas,hesetitdowngently.Theman looked likehewas either drunkor asleep. Jairek touched themanandsaid,"HappyThanksgiving!"Allofasudden, themanbolteduprightandgrabbedmyson'shand.Myheartleapedintomythroat,andjustasIstartedto spring forward, the man took Jairek's hand and kissed it. He whisperedhoarsely,"Thankyouforcaring."Boy,whatareferenceforafour-year-old!Remember,it'sthemomentsofourlivesthatshapeus.It'suptoustopursueandcreatethemomentsthatwill liftusandnotlimitus.Sonow,getoff thebenchand step into the game of life. Let your imagination run wild with thepossibilities of all those things you could explore and experience—and beginimmediately.Whatnewexperiencecouldyoupursue today thatwouldexpandyour life? What kind of person will you become? Take action and enjoyexploring the possibilities. Let's discover the profound change that comesfrom…

IDENTITY:THEKEYTOEXPANSION"Nothing greatwill ever be achievedwithout greatmen, andmen are great

onlyiftheyaredeterminedtobeso."CHARLESDEGAULLETherewere nomarks on his body. The Chinese Communists had held him

captive in a tiny room formore than twenty hours, but they hadn't beaten ortorturedhim.Theyhadevenofferedhimacigaretteortwo...andasaresultoftheirpoliteconversation, thisGInowheldadocument inhisownhandwritingdetailingthecountlessinjusticesanddestructivenessoftheAmericanwayoflife—thecapitalistsociety—andpraisingthesuperiorityandethicalhumanityoftheCommunist system.What'smore, the essay this officer of theU.S.Army hadwrittenwasnowbeingbroadcasttohisandotherPOWcampsinNorthKorea,aswellastotheAmericanforcesstationedinSouthKorea.Hewouldlaterdivulgemilitary information, turn in his fellow prisoners, and fervently denounce hisowncountry.Whatcaused thisman tocompletely reversehisworld-viewanddismantle thebeliefs that had been instilled in him over a lifetime? What caused him toabandonthecorevalueshe'dpreviouslyheldandbecomeacollaboratorwiththeenemy?What single changewouldmake such a radical shift in the thoughts,emotions,andactionsofanindividual?Theanswer lies inunderstandingthathewasdirecteddownapaththatcausedhimtoliterallyshifthisidentity.Hewasnowsimplyactinginaccordancewithhisnewimageofhimself.Throughoutthisbookyou'veexploredwithmetheimpactofbeliefs,oneofthefoundational elements in theMasterSystem thatdirects allofourevaluations.Beliefsguideustoconclusions,andthereforetheyteachushowtofeelandwhattodo.However,therearedifferentlevelsofbeliefsthathavedifferentlevelsofimpactonthequalityofourlives.Some are very specific. For example, the beliefs you have about a particularfriend will determine how you think and feel about his behavior, and themeaningthatyou'lllinktoanythingthathedoes.Ifyou"know"thatheisloving,then even if he appears to be angry at themoment, youwill not question hisultimate intent.Thisbeliefwillguideallofyour interactionswith thisperson.But this will not necessarily affect the way you deal with a stranger. Thesebeliefsimpactyouinonlyonespecificareaofyourlife:yourinteractionswiththisfriend.

Some beliefs, however, have an expanded influence on your life; I call theseglobal beliefs. These are the beliefs which have much further-reachingconsequences. For example, the beliefs you have about people in generalwillaffectnot just thewayyoudealwithyourfriend,butwitheveryoneyoumeet.These beliefs will powerfully impact your career, your level of trust, yourmarriage,andsoforth.Theglobalbeliefsyouhaveabout theconceptsof scarcityandabundance, forexample,will determineyour stress level andyourgenerosityof time,money,energy, and spirit. If you believe we live in a world with scarce resources—where there's only somuchmoney, somuch time, somuch love—then you'llconstantlyliveinfearthatyouwon'thaveenough.Thisstresswillaffectthewayyou think of your neighbors, your co-workers, your financial capabilities, andopportunitiesingeneral.Morepowerful thananyof these, though, is thecorebelief that is theultimatefilter to all of our perceptions. This belief directly controls the consistency ofyourlife'sdecisions.Thesearethebeliefsyouhaveaboutyouridentity.Whatwecanorcannotdo,whatweconsiderpossibleorimpossible,israrelyafunctionofour truecapability. It ismore likelyafunctionofourbeliefsaboutwhoweare.Infact,ifyou'veeverfoundyourselfunabletoevenconsiderdoingsomething,whereyourresponsetosomeoneis,"Icouldneverdothat"or"I'mjustnotthatkindofperson,"thenyou'verunupagainstthebarriersofalimitedidentity.Thisisn'talwaysbad,ofcourse.Notperceivingyourselfasamurdererisaveryimportantdistinction!Notperceivingyourselfassomeonewhowouldtakeadvantageofothersisprobablyveryuseful.It'simportanttorealizethatwedefineourselvesnotonlybywhoweare,butbywhowearenot.Whatexactlyis identity?It issimplythebeliefsthatweusetodefineourownindividuality, what makes us unique—good, bad, or indifferent—from otherindividuals.Andoursenseofcertaintyaboutwhowearecreatestheboundariesandlimitswithinwhichwelive.Your capability is constant, but how much of it you use depends upon theidentityyouhaveforyourself.Forexample, ifyoufeelcertain thatyouareanoutgoing,outrageousperson,you'lltaptheresourcesofbehaviorthatmatchyouridentity.Whetheryouseeyourselfasa"wimp"ora"wildman,"a"winner"ora"wallflower,"willinstantlyshapewhichcapabilitiesyouaccess.YoumayhavereadthebookPygmalionintheClassroom,whichdetailsthedramaticchangeinstudentsperformancewhentheybecomeconvincedthattheyaregifted.Time and again, researchers have shown that students' capabilities arepowerfullyimpactedbytheidentities theydevelopfor themselvesas theresultofteachers'beliefintheirlevelofintelligence.Inonestudy,agroupofteachers

weretoldthatcertainstudentsintheirclassesweretrulygiftedandtomakesurethat they challenged them to continue to expand. As can be expected, thesechildren became the top achievers in their class. What makes this studysignificant is that thesestudentshadnotactuallydemonstratedhigher levelsofintelligence—and,infact,somehadpreviouslybeenlabeledpoorstudents.Yetitwastheirsenseofcertaintythattheyweresuperior(whichhadbeeninstilledIbyateacher's"falsebelief)thattriggeredtheirsuccess.Theimpactofthisprincipleisnotlimitedtostudents.Thekindoftpersonotherpeopleperceiveyoutobecontrolstheirresponsestoyou.Oftenthishasnothingtodowithyour true character.For example, if a person seesyou as a crook ,evenifyou'reanhonestpersonanddogoodthings, thispersonwillsearchforthesinistermotivebehindyouracts.What'sworseisthat,aftermakingapositivechange,weoftenallowothers inourenvironmentwhohavenotchanged theirimageofustoanchorourownemotionsandbeliefsbackintoouroldbehaviorsand identities. We all need to remember that we have tremendous power toinfluencetheidentitiesofthosewecareaboutmost.This is the power that Marva Collins commands when she influences herstudents tobelieve that theyare themastersof theirdestinies, that theyare astalentedasanyhumanbeingwhohaswalkedonearth."Thebesteffectoffinepersonsisfeltafterwehavelefttheirpresence."

RALPHWALDOEMERSONWeallwillactconsistentlywithourviewsofwhowetrulyare,whetherthat

view is accurate or not. The reason is that one of the strongest forces in thehumanorganism is theneed forconsistency.Throughoutour lives,we'vebeensocializedtolinkmassivepaintoinconsistencyandpleasuretobeingconsistent.Thinkaboutit.Whatlabelsdoweattachtopeoplewhosayonethingandthendo another,who claim to be oneway and thenbehave another?We call themhypocritical, fickle, unstable, unreliable, wishy-washy, scatterbrained, flaky,untrustworthy.Wouldyouliketohavetheselabelsattachedtoyou?Wouldyouevenliketothinkofyourselfinthisway?Theanswerisobvious:aresoundingno!Asaresult,wheneverwetakeastand—especiallyapublicstand—andstatewhatwebelieve,whoweare,orwhatwe're about,weexperienceintense pressure to remain consistent with that stand, regardless of what thatinflexibilitymaycostusinthefuture.Conversely, there are tremendous rewards for remaining consistent with ourstatedidentities.Whatdowecallpeoplewhoareconsistent?Weusewordsliketrustworthy, loyal, steady, solid, intelligent, stable, rational, true-blue. Howwould you like to have people consistently use these labels to describe you?

Howwoulditfeeltothinkofyourselfinthisway?Again,theanswerisobvious:most people would love it. Thus, the need to remain consistent becomesirrevocablytiedtoyourabilitytoavoidpainandgainpleasure."Afoolishconsistencyisthehobgoblinofsmallminds."

RALPHWALDOEMERSONThePygmalioneffect alsoworks in reverse. Ifyou feel certain thatyouare

"learning-disabled,"itbecomesaself-fulfillingprophecy.Thisisquitedifferentfrombelievingthatyourcurrentstrategyforlearningisineffective.Theabilitytochangeone'sstrategyisperceivedbymostofustobeasimpleandachievabletask,aslongaswehavetherightteacher.However, changing ourselves—changing the essence of who we are—isperceivedbymosttobenexttoimpossible.Thecommonresponse,"I'mjustthisway," is a phrase that murders dreams. It carries with it the sentence of anunchangeableandpermanentproblem.Apersonwhobelievestheyhavedevelopedadrugaddictioncanclearlychange.It will be difficult, but a change can be made, and it can last. Conversely, apersonwhobelieveshimselftobeadrugaddictwillusuallyreturntotheuseofdrugsevenafterweeksormonthsofabstinence.Why?It'sbecausehebelievesthat this iswho he 15.He doesn't have a drug addiction; he is a drug addict.RememberfromChapter4thatonceapersonhasaconvictionaboutanything,hewillignoreandevendefendagainstanyevidencethat'scontrarytohisbelief.Unconsciously, this personwill not believe that he can change long-term, andthiswillcontrolhisbehavior.Inaddition,there'softenasecondarygaininvolvedintheprocessofmaintainingthisnegativebehavior.Afterall,thismancanblamehisaddictiononsomethinghe can't control—it's simply "who he is"—instead of facing the reality thattakingdrugsisaconsciousdecision.Thiswillbeaugmentedbytheneedwithinthehumannervoussystemforconsistency,andhewillreturntothisdestructivepatternagainandagain.Surrenderinghis identitywouldbeevenmorepainfulthantheclearlydestructiveeffectsofthedrugsthemselves.Why?Becausewe all have a need for a sense of certainty.Most people havetremendous fear of the unknown. Uncertainty implies the potential of havingpainstrikeus,andwe'dratherdealwiththepainwealreadyknowaboutthandealwiththepainoftheunknown.Thus,livinginanever-changingworld—one inwhichweareconstantlysurroundedby theflux of new relationships, redefined job roles, changing environments, and asteady stream of new information—the one thing that we all count on to beconstantisoursenseofidentity.Ifwebegintoquestionwhoweare,thenthere

isnofoundationforalloftheunderstandingsuponwhichwe'vebuiltourlives.Ifyoudon'tknowwhoyouare,thenhowcanyoudecidewhattodo?Howcanyou formulate values, adopt beliefs, or establish rules? How can you judgewhether something is good, bad, or indifferent? The biggest challenge forsomeonewhoperceiveshisidentityasadrugaddictis:whatdoeshechangehisidentity to?Toa "recoveringdrug addict"?Thisdoesn't changehis identity; itmerelydescribesthestatehe'sincurrently."Drug-free"doesn'tdoiteither,becausemostseeitasatemporarystate—anditstillfocusesondrugsasoneofthewaysofdefiningoneself.Whenthispersondevelopstheconvictionthatheisabsolutelyclean,thathe'snowa"Christian,""Muslim," "Jew,"or "Buddhist," or now that he's a "leader"—or anything elseother than a "drug addict"—that'swhen his behavior changes.Aswe developnew beliefs about who we are, our behavior will change to support the newidentity.Thesamethinghappenswithapersonwhohasexcessweightwhoseidentityis,"I'mafatperson."Thisindividualmaydietandloseweightintheshortterm,buthewillalwaysgainitbackbecausehissenseofcertaintyaboutwhoheiswillguideallhisbehaviorsuntiltheyareonceagainconsistentwithhisidentity.Weallmustmaintaintheintegrityofourconvictionsofwhoweare,evenwhentheyaredestructiveanddisempowering.Theonlywaytocreatelastingchangeforanindividualwho'sbeenusingdrugsis to changehis conviction from"I amadrugaddict" to "I'mahealthnut"or"I'm a living example that no problem is permanent" or "Now I'm _____."Whateverthenewidentity,itmustbeonethatwouldneverevenconsidertheuseofdrugs. If drugs areoffered again, his immediate response is not to evaluatewhetherheshoulduse themornot,but tosimplystatewithabsolutecertainty,"I'mnotthatkindofperson.That'swhoIusedtobe."Thosewith excessweightmust transform their identity froma fat person to avital,healthy,andathletichumanbeing.Thisidentitychangewillshiftalltheirbehaviors, from theirdiet to their exercise, andallow them to create the long-termphysiologicalchangesthatareconsistentwiththeirnewidentity.Thisshiftmay sound like it'smerely a semanticmanipulation, but in truth it is amuchdeeperandmoreprofoundtransformationofpersonalreality.In fact, one shift in identity can cause a shift of your entire Master System.Think about it. Doesn't a drug addict have a completely different system ofevaluation—the states he consistently experiences, the questions he asks, thevaluesthatguidehisactions,andthereferencesheorganizesintobeliefs—thandoes someone who considers himself to be a leader, a lover, an athlete, or a

contributor?Whileit'struethatnotallidentityshiftsareascompleteasothers,someareindeedsofarreachingthatoneMasterSystemisliterallyreplacedinamomentbyanother.Ifyou'verepeatedlyattemptedtomakeaparticularchangeinyourlife,onlytocontinuallyfallshort,invariablythechallengeisthatyouweretryingtocreateabehavioralor emotional shift thatwas inconsistentwithyourbelief aboutwhoyou are. Shifting, changing, or expanding identity can produce the mostprofoundandrapidimprovementsinthequalityofyourlife.

HOWYOURIDENTITYISFORMED

WhyisitthatduringtheKoreanWarmoreAmericanPOWsinformedontheirfellowprisonersthaninanyotherwarinmodemhistory?TheansweristhattheChinese Communists, unlike their allies, the North Koreans, understood thepowerofidentitytoinstantaneouslychangenotonlytheirlong-heldbeliefsandvalues,but theiractions, inaninstant.Rather thanbrutalize theprisoners, theydoggedlypursued theirown ingenious formofpsychologicalwarfaredesignednotmerelytoextract information or create compliance, but rather to convert the Americanfightingmantotheirpoliticalphilosophy.Theyknewthatiftheycouldleadhimintoanewsetofbeliefsandvalues,thenhewouldseehiscountry'sroleinthewar as futile and destructive, and therefore assist them in any way theyrequested. And they succeeded. Understanding what they did can help youunderstandhowyou'vearrivedatyourcurrentidentityandhowyoucanexpandyouridentity,andthereforeyourentirelife,inamatterofmoments.ThetaskbeforetheChineseCommunistswasformidableindeed.Howcanyouchange someone's entire identitywithout the threat of death or the promise offreedom?EspeciallyknowingthattheAmericansoldierhasbeentrainedtogiveonlyhisname,rank,andserialnumber?Theirplanwasverysimple:startsmall,andbuild.TheChineseunderstoodthatthewayweidentifyanyoneisbytheiractions.Forexample,howdoyouknowwhoyourfriendreallyis?Isn't itbythewayheorsheacts, thewayheorshetreatspeople?The Communists' real secret, though, was that they understood that wedeterminewhoweare—ourownidentities—byjudgingourownactionsaswell.Inotherwords,welookatwhatwedo todeterminewhoweare.TheChineserealizedthatinordertoachievetheirbroaderobjectiveofchangingtheprisoner'sbeliefsabouthisidentity,alltheyhadtodowasgettheprisonertodothingsthatacollaboratororaCommunistwoulddo.Again,thisisnotasimpletask,buttheyrealizeditcouldbedoneiftheysimplycouldweartheAmericanPOWdownthroughconversationthatlastedtwelvetotwenty hours, and thenmake aminor request: get him to say something like"The United States is not perfect" or "It's true in a Communist country thatunemployment is not aproblem."Havingestablished this footing, theChinesewouldsimplystartsmallandbuild.Theyunderstoodourneed forconsistency.Oncewemakea statement thatwe

saywebelieve,wehavetobewillingtobackitup.TheywouldmerelyaskthePOWtowritedownsomeof theways inwhichAmerica isnotperfect. Inhisexhaustedstate,theGIwasthenasked,"Whatothersocialbenefitsaretheretocommunism?"Withinashortperiodoftime,theGIwouldhavesittinginfrontof him a document not only attacking his own nation, but also promotingCommunismwithallthereasonswritteninhisownhandwriting.Henowhadtojustify to himself why he'd done this. He'd not been beaten, nor had he beenofferedspecialrewards.He'dsimplymadesmallstatements inhisneedtostayconsistent with the ones he'd already written, and now he'd even signed thedocument.Howcouldheexplainhis"willingness"todothis?Laterhewouldbeaskedtoreadhislistinadiscussiongroupwithotherprisonersoreventowriteanentireessayaboutit.WhentheChinesebroadcasttheseessays,alongwiththenamesoftheprisonerswho had written them, suddenly the prisoner would find himself publiclyidentifiedasanenemy"collaborator."Whenfellowprisonersaskedhimwhyhedidit,hecouldn'tdefendhimselfbysayinghe'dbeentortured.Hehadtojustifyhisactstohimselfinordertomaintainhisownsenseofintegrity.Inaninstant,hewouldstatethathewroteitbecauseitwastrue!Inthatmoment,hisidentityshifted.Henowperceivedhimselfaspro-Communist,andallthosearoundhimalsolabeledhimassuch.TheywouldreinforcehisnewidentitybytreatinghimthesamewaytheytreatedtheCommunistguards.Soonhisnewidentitywouldcausehimtoopenlydenouncehiscountryand,inorder to maintain consistency between his statements and his new label, hewouldoftencollaborateevenmoreextensivelywithhiscaptors.Thiswasoneofthe most brilliant facets of the Chinese strategy: once a prisoner had writtensomethingdown,hecouldn'tlaterpretendtohimselfthatithadneverhappened.There itwas in black andwhite, in his ownhandwriting, for anyone to see—somethingwhichdrovehim"tomakehisbeliefs andhis self-imageconsistentwithwhathehadundeniablydone."Beforewe judge our POWs harshly, however,we should take a good look atourselves.Didyouconsciouslychooseyour identity,or is it the resultofwhatotherpeoplehavetoldyou,significanteventsinyourlife,andotherfactorsthatoccurredwithoutyourawarenessorapproval?Whatconsistentbehaviorshaveyouadoptedthatnowhelptoformthebasisofyour identity? Would you be willing to undergo a painful bone-marrowextractiontohelpastranger?Mostpeople'sfirstresponsewouldbe,"Absolutelynot!"Yetinastudydonein1970,researchersfoundthatifapersonwasledtobelievethattheconsistencyoftheiridentityrelieduponit,manywouldcommittojustsuchaselflessact.

The study showed that when the subjects were asked to make smallcommitments first, and followed up with two simple acts which made notvolunteering seem "out of character," many began to develop a new identity.They began to see themselves as "donors," as a person who unconditionallycommits to help those in need through personal sacrifice.Once this occurred,whentherequestforthebonemarrowwasmade,thesepeoplefeltcompelledbytheforceoftheirnewidentitytofollowthroughregardlessofthetime,money,orphysicalpaininvolved.Theirviewofthemselvesasdonorsbecameareflectionofwhotheywere.Thereisnomorepotentleverageinshapinghumanbehaviorthanidentity.Youmightask,"Isn'tmyidentitylimitedbymyexperience?"No,it'slimitedbyyourinterpretationofyourexperience.Youridentityisnothingbutthedecisionsyou'vemadeaboutwhoyouare,whatyou'vedecidedtofuseyourselfwith.Youbecome the labels you've given yourself. The way you define your identitydefinesyourlife.THEULTIMATEPAIN—SEEDSOFANIDENTITYCRISISPeoplewhoactinconsistentlywithwhotheybelievetheyaresetthestagefor

the societal cliche of an "identity crisis." When the crisis hits, they areimmediately disoriented, questioning their previous convictions. Their wholeworldisturnedupsidedown,andtheyexperienceanintensefearofpain.Thisiswhathappenstosomanypeoplehavinga"midlifecrisis."Oftenthesepeopleidentifythemselvesasbeingyoung,andsomeenvironmentalstimulant—turningacertainage,commentsfromfriends,grayinghair—causesthem todread their approachingyears and thenew, lessdesirable identity thatthey expect to experiencewith it.Thus, in a desperate effort tomaintain theiridentity, theydo things toprove they'restillyoung:buyfastcars,change theirhairstyles,divorcetheirspouses,changejobs.If thesepeoplehadasolidgraspoftheir trueidentities,wouldtheyexperiencethiscrisisatall? I suspectnot.Havingan identity that is specifically linked toyour age or howyou lookwould definitely set you up for pain because thesethingswillchange.Ifwehaveabroadersenseofwhoweare,ouridentityneverbecomesthreatened.Evenbusinessescanhave identitycrises.Yearsago,photocopyinggiantXeroxCorporation underwent an interesting shift in its image. When personalcomputingemergedas"thewaveofthefuture,"Xeroxwantedtousetheirtechnologicalpowertoenterthisexcitingnewmarket.Theyputtheirresearchanddevelopmentstaffonitand,afterspendingapproximately$2billion, they cameupwith a number of innovative advances, including the

precursortowhatwenowcalla"mouse."Why,then,isn'tXeroxinthecompetitivecomputerrace,runningneckandneckwith Apple and IBM?One reason surely is that in the beginning, its identitydidn'treallyallowforthecompanytoheadinthisdirection.Evenits"graphic"identity,whichusedaroly-polymonk,confineditscapacity tobeidentifiedastheepitomeofcutting-edgecomputingtechnology.Whilethemonksymbolizedthe exacting nature ofmanuscript copying, hewas hardly appropriate for thisnew venture into high technology, where speed was one of the most highlyvaluedcriteria.Ontheconsumerside,theidentityXeroxhadestablishedastheworld's leading copier company did not instill a high confidence in thecompany'sefforts tomarketcomputers.Compound thiswithagraphic identitythathad little todowithhowtoprocess informationrapidly,andyoubegin toseewheresomeofXerox'sproblemsoriginated.Marketingandgraphic-designexpertsalikewilltellyouthatcorporateimageisahugefilter throughwhichconsumersprocessbuying information—theymustknowwhoyouare,whatyoustandfor,andwhen they're investing large sums ofmoney, they usuallywant to buy from acompany thatexemplifies theirproduct.AsXeroxgrappledwith incorporatingthisfacetofcomputerizationintoitsexistingidentity,othercompanieszoomedto the forefront,overtaking themarketplace.At thispoint,Xeroxdecided that,ratherthantrytochangeitsidentity,itwouldutilizeit.Itwouldcomputerizeitsphotocopiers and concentrate its R&D dollars on improvingwhat it alreadyknewhowtodobest.Today, Xerox is beginning the process of transformation by producing new"Xerox images"—airing commercials featuring fast-paced imagery of plotters,hardware, software, communication networks—and completing the visualmessage with the words, "Xerox ... the Document Company." This expandedidentitymustbeconditionedwithinthecultureforXeroxtoexpanditsmarket,anditisusingeveryopportunitytodoso."WhenwritteninChinese, theword 'crisis' iscomposedof twocharacters—

onerepresentsdanger,andtheotherrepresentsopportunity."JOHNF.KENNEDYIt doesn't take a crisis formost of us to understand thatwe can changeour

behavior, but the prospect of changing our identity seems threatening orimpossibletomost.Breakingawayfromourcorebeliefsaboutwhowearegivesus the most intense pain, and some people would even go so far as to killthemselvestopreservethosebeliefs.ThiswasdramaticallyillustratedinVictorHugo'smasterpieceLesMiserables.WhentheheroJeanValjeanisreleasedfrom

hisprisonworkcrew,heisfrustratedandalone.Althoughinthemanyyearshe'sspent in the custody of the French police he has never accepted his label of"criminal"(he'dmerelystolenaloafofbreadtofeedhisstarvingfamilyandwassentencedtomanyyearsofhardlabor),oncereleased,hediscoversthathecan'tgetanhonestday'swork.Heisscornedandrebuffedbecauseofhisstatusasanex-convict.Finally,inastateofhelplessness,hebeginstoaccepttheidentitythathissocietallabelhasimposed.Henowisacriminalandbeginstoactassuch.Infact,whena kind priest takes him in, feeds him, and gives him shelter for the night, hefulfills his criminal identity by stealing his benefactor's humble silver setting.WhenthepolicestopValjeanonaroutinecheck,theydiscovernotonlythatheis an ex-convict, but also that he is carrying the priest's most valuablepossessions—acrimepunishablebyalifeofhardlabor.Valjeanisbroughtbacktofacethepriest,anduponpresentationofthefacts,thepriestinsiststhatthesilverwasagiftandremindsValjeanthathe'sforgottenthetwo remaining silver candlesticks. To Valjean's further surprise, the priestsubsequentlymakeshisgenerousfalsehoodatruthandsendshimawaywiththesilvertostartanewlife.Valjeanhastodealwiththepriest'sactions.Whywouldhebelieveinhim?Whydidn'thesendhimawayinchains?Thepriesttoldhimthathewashisbrother,thatValjeannolongerbelongedtoevil,thathewasanhonestmanandachildofGod.Thismassivepattern interrupt changesValjean's identity.He tearsuphisprisonpapers,movestoanothercity,andassumesanewidentity.Ashedoes,allofhisbehaviorschange.Hebecomesaleaderandhelpsthoseinhiscommunity.However, a policemen, Monsieur Javert, makes it his life's crusade to findValjeanandbringhimtojustice.He"knows"Valjeanisevilanddefineshimselfas one who brings evil to justice. When Javert finally catches up with him,Valjean has the opportunity to eliminate his nemesis—but hemagnanimouslyspareshislife.Afteralifetimeofpursuit,JavertdiscoversthatValjeanisagoodman—perhaps a betterman thanhe—andhe cannot dealwith thepotential ofrealizing that maybe he was the one whowas cruel and evil. As a result, hethrowshimselfintotherapidsoftheriverSeine."His supreme agonywas the disappearance of certainty, and he felt himself

uprooted...Oh!whatafrightfulthing!Themanprojectile,nolongerknowinghisroad,andrecoiling!"VICTORHUGO,LESMISERABLESWHOAREYOU,ANYWAY?

Whatdoesallofthisreallymean?Thiscanallseemveryesotericunlesswestart to actually define ourselves. So take amoment to identifywho you are.Whoareyou?Therearesomanywaysinwhichwedefineourselves.Wemaydescribeourselvesasouremotions (I'ma lover, I'mpeaceful, I'm intense),ourprofessions(I'manattorney,I'madoctor,I'mapriest),ourtides(I'mExecutiveVice-President),ourincomes(I'mamillionaire),ourroles(I'mamother,I'mtheeldest of five girls), our behaviors (I'm a gambler), our possessions (I'm a"Beemer"owner),ourmetaphors(I'mkingofthehill,I'mlowmanonthetotempole), our feedback (I'm worthless, I'm special), our spiritual beliefs (I'mJewish),our looks (I'mbeautiful, I'mugly, I'mold),ouraccomplishments (I'mthe1960SpringValleyHighHomecomingQueen),ourpast(I'mafailure),andevenwhatwe'renot(I'mnotaquitter).The identity that our friends andpeers have tends to affect us aswell.Take agoodlookatyourfriends.Whoyoubelievetheyareisoftenareflectionofwhoyoubelieveyouare.Ifyourfriendsareverylovingandsensitive,there'sagreatchancethatyouseeyourselfinasimilarvein.Thetimeframeyouusetodefineyouridentityisverypowerfulaswell.Doyoulooktoyourpast,yourpresent,orthe future todefinewhoyou trulyare?Yearsagomypresentandpastweren'tterriblyexciting,soIconsciouslyfusedmyidentitywiththevisionIhadofwhoIknewIwouldbecome.Ididn'thavetowait;Ibegantoliveasthismannow.It'sveryimportant,whenyouareansweringthisquestion,tobeintherightstate.Youneedtofeelrelaxed,safe,andcurious.Ifyou'rejustpoweringthroughthisbook,scanningandreadingrapidly,orifyouhavemanydistractions,you'renotgoingtogettheanswersyouneed.Takeanice,deepbreathin;relaxthebreathout. Let your mind be curious—not fearful, not concerned, not looking forperfection or for anything in particular. Just ask yourself, "Who am I?"Writedown the answer, and then ask it again. Each time you ask it, write downwhatever surfaces, and keep probing deeper and deeper.Continue to ask untilyoufindthedescriptionofyourselfthatyouhavethestrongestconvictionabout.How do you define yourself? What is the essence of who you are? Whatmetaphorsdoyouusetodescribeyourself?Whatrolesdoyouplay?Often, if you don't create this safe and curious state, all of the fears andhesitationsaboutidentitywillkeepgivingyouinadequateanswers.Infact,oftenifyoujustaskthisquestionupfrontofsomebody,blurtingout,"Whoareyou?"withoutputtingthemintherightstate,you'llgetoneoftworesponses:1) A blank stare. This type of question throws many people into a tailspinbecausetheyhaveneverbeencalledupontoseriouslyponderwhattheiransweris.2) A surface-level answer. This is a first-attempt evasion technique. This

responsecanbedefinedas the"PopeyePrinciple,"whereapersonwillsimplyinsist,"IamwhatIam,andthat'sallthatIam."Often,whatIfindisthatwhenyouasksomeoneaquestion,especiallyanemotionalone,theywon'tansweryouuntilthey'veansweredtwoquestionsoftheirown.First theyask themselves, "Can I answer thisquestion?" If aperson'snot surewhohe is, oftenhe'll say, "Idon'tknow"orgiveyou the first surfaceanswer.Sometimespeople are afraid to ask thequestion for fear of realizing that theylackclarityinthiscriticalareaoftheirlives.Andthesecondquestiontheyaskthemselvesbeforeansweringis:"What'sinitforme?IfIanswerthisquestion,howwillthisbenefitmepersonally?"Letmeofferyoutheanswertothesetwoquestions.First,youdoknowwhoyouare.Yes,youcancomeupwiththeanswerifyoutakeamomenttobrainstormabitrightnow.Butyou'vegottotrustyourselftoletwhateveranswerscomeoutofyoujustflow,andwritethemdown.Second,thebenefittoknowingwhoyouareistheabilitytoinstantaneouslyshapeallofyourbehaviors.Ifyoutakethetimetogetintherightstate,you'llcomeupwith...Athoughtfulanswer.Ihopethisisthekindofansweryou'researchingforrightnow!"Ithink,thereforeIam."

RENEDESCARTESSotakeamomentrightnowtoansweraquestionponderedbyphilosophers

throughtheages,fromSocratestoSartre.Putyourselfinthatsafe,curiousstate.Takeadeepbreathandreleaseit.Ask,"WhoamI?"IAM..To assist you in defining yourself, remember that identity is simply whatdistinguishesyoufromeveryoneelse.HereareacoupleofexercisesIthinkyouwillenjoy.1)Ifyouweretolookinthedictionaryunderyourname,whatwoulditsay?

Would threewords just about cover it, orwould your epic narrative consumepage after page, or demand a volume of its own?Right now,write down thedefinitionyouwouldfindifyouweretolookupyournameinadictionary.

MYDICTIONARYDEFINITION

Takeamoment,andletyouranswerssinkin.Whenyou'reready,movetothenextexercise.2) Ifyouwere tocreatean IDcard thatwould representwhoyou trulyare,

whatwouldbeonit—andwhatwouldyouleaveoff?Woulditincludeapictureor not? Would you list your vital statistics? Your physical description? Youraccomplishments? Your emotions? Your beliefs? Your affiliations? Youraspirations?Yourmotto?Yourabilities?Takeamomenttodescribewhatwouldbe on this identity card andwhatwould be left off in order to show someonewhoyoureallyare.

MYIDCARD

Now,takealookatwhatyou'vewrittendown,atthedescriptionsyouhaveofyour identity—in essence, the story of your life.How do you feel about it? Ihopeyou'retakingamomentrightnowtoreallyappreciatewhoyouare,tofeelthedeepemotionthatcomeswithrecognition.If you're noticing that your identity creates pain, know thatwhatever you callyour identity is simply what you've decided to identify with, and that in amomentyoucouldchange itall.Youhave thepowerwithinyourightnow. Infact,afterlookingathowidentitiesevolve,you'llhaveanopportunitytoexpandyouridentity,andthereforeyourentirelife.

EVOLUTIONOFANIDENTITY

One of my friends, a woman named Debra whom everyone knows asadventurous and vibrant, recently shared with me a story about thetransformationshehadundergonewithheridentity."WhenIwasgrowingup,"shesaid,"Iwasalwaysawimp.Iwouldn'tdoanythingphysical,oranythingthathadanypotentialofmygettinghurt."Afterattendingsomeofmyseminarsandhavingnewexperiences(scubadiving,firewalking,andskydiving),shebegantosee that she could do these things—if she forced herself.But these referenceswerenotyetorganizedintoanewbeliefaboutwhosheis.Shenowmerelysawherselfas"awimpwho'dskydived."Thetransformationhadnotyettakenplace,butunbeknownsttoher,ithadbeensetinmotion.Shereportsthatotherpeoplewereenviousofheraccomplishments,sayingthingslike,"IwishIhadthegutstodowhatyoudid.You'resoadventurous!"Shewasgenuinelytakenbysurprisebytheircomments,butthecontinuousviewthatothershadofherbegantocausehertoquestionherviewofherself."Finally,"Debrasaid,"Ibegantolinkpaintotheideaofbeingawimp.Iknewmybeliefaboutbeingwimpywaslimitingme,soIdecidedthatwasnotwhoIwanted to be anymore." Not only that, but all this time her psyche had beenwrestlingwiththeincongruitybetweenhowherfriendsviewedherandhowsheperceivedherownidentity.Sowhenshehadanotherchancetogoskydiving,sheseizeduponitasanopportunitytomaketheleapfrompotentialitytoactuality,from "what could be" to "what is." It was time to boost her "adventurous"identityfromopiniontoconviction.As the plane climbed to an altitude of 12,500 feet, Debra watched the lessexperiencedmembers of her skydiving team struggle to contain their fear andlookliketheywerehavingfun.Shethoughttoherself,"That'swhoIusedtobe,butI'mnotthatpersonanymore.Today,I'mgoingtohavefun!"Sheusedtheirapprehensionascontrastwith thenewpersonshehaddecided tobecome.Shethought toherself, "That'showIused to respond"—andwasstartled to realizethat she had just made a major shift. She was no longer a wimp, but anadventurous,powerfulwomanabouttohavethetimeofherlife.Shewasthefirstjumpertoleavetheplane,andallthewaydownshewhoopedwithdelight,joy,andexhilaration.Shehadneverbeforefeltsuchintenselevelsofpurephysicalenergyandexcitement.Onekeyelementthatmayhavepushedherover theedge in instantlyadoptinghernew identitywasherdeep levelofcommitment to setting an example for the other jumpers in her role as team

leader. She toldme, "It's likewhat you do.Tony. If you did awhole seminaraboutbreakingthroughfearandlimitation,butrefusedtodotheFirewalk,itjustwouldn'twork.Youhavetowalkyourtalk."Debra'stransformationwascomplete.Shegainednewreferencesthatstartedtochip away at her old identity, made a decision to identify with greaterpossibilities,andwhentherightmomentcame,contrastedhernewidentitywithwhatshenolongerwantedtobe.Thiswasthefinalleveragesheneededtobringaboutthetransformation.Herevolutionwassimpleyetpowerful.Thiscompleteidentity change now impacts her kids, her business, and everything else she'sinvolvedin.Today,she'strulyanadventurousleader.Ofcourse,youcanalwaysdecidetoredefineyourself.Thinkofthewondrous

imaginationthatsuffusestheheartandsoulofeverychild.Onedayhe'sZorro,themaskedavenger.Thenexthe'sHercules,theOlympianhero.Andtoday,he'sGrandpa,hisown real-lifehero. Identity shiftscanbeamong themost joyous,magicalandliberatingexperiencesoflife.WhydoadultslookforwardallyeartoHalloweenorNewOrleans'sMardiGras?Onereason,I'msure,isthatthesecelebrations give us permission to step outside ourselves and assume an alterego.Wemaydothingsinthesenewidentitiesthatwewouldn'tnormallydo;wemay do things we want to do all the time but see as inconsistent with ouridentities.The reality is thatwecoulddo thisanydayof theyear!Wecouldcompletelyredefine ourselves, or we could simply decide to let our "real selves" shinethrough.Likemild-manneredClarkKentsheddinghisspectaclesandbusinesssuittorevealthemightySuperman,wemayuncoveragiantidentitythatismorethanourbehaviors,morethanourpast,morethananylabelwe'vebeengivingourselves.THEPOWERTOreinventYOURSELFNow,let'sexpand!

Ifyouridentityisn'teverythingyouwantittobe,thenmakeitthatway.Startbytakingthefollowingfourstepstoreinventyourself.1.Makealistrightnowofalltheelementsofyouridentityyouwanttohave.Asyoumake the list, revel in thepoweryouhave rightnowtochangesimplybydecidingto.Whoaresomepeoplewhohavethesecharacteristicsyouaspiretohaving?Can theyserveas rolemodels? Imagineyourself fusingwith thisnewidentity.Imaginehowyou'dbreathe.Howwouldyouwalk?Howwouldyoutalk?Howwouldyouthink?Howwouldyoufeel?

2. If you'd truly like to expand your identity and your life, then, right now,consciously decidewho youwant to be.Get excited, be like a kid again, anddescribe in detail who you've decided you are today. Take a moment now towritedownyourexpandedlist.3.Nowdevelopaplanofactionyoucouldtakethatwouldcauseyoutoknowthat you're truly living consistentlywith your new identity. In developing thisplan,payspecialattentiontothefriendsyou'rechoosingtospendtimewith.Willtheyreinforceordestroytheidentityyou'recreating?There's nothing quite as pleasurable as seeing someone expand their identity.One of the greatest joys I've experienced in recent years was watching thetransformationofmyeldestson,Tyier,ashewentfromaneophyteinterestedinflyinghelicopterswithme,toamasterjetpilot,toacommercialhelicopterpilot.Whatachangeinself-esteemashebegantorealizethathe'dbecomeoneofthefew who do versus the many who talk—that he had mastered the skies andcreated for himself the unlimited freedom that few would ever hope toexperience!4.Thefinalstepistocommittoyournewidentitybybroadcastingittoeveryonearound you. Themost important broadcast, however, is to yourself. Use yournewlabeltodescribeyourselfeverysingleday,anditwillbecomeconditionedwithinyou.

THEFUTUREOFYOURIDENTITY

Even after completing this exercise, you'll want to continue to refine youridentity,expandit,orcreatebetterrulesforit.Weliveinadynamicworldwhereouridentitiesmustcontinuallyexpandinordertoenjoyagreaterqualityoflife.You need to become aware of things that may influence your identity, noticewhether they are empowering or disempowering you, and take control of thewholeprocess.Otherwiseyoubecomeaprisonerofyourownpast.I'mcurious:Areyounowthesamepersonyouwerewhenyoupickedupthisbook?I am continually redefining myself, and people often wonder at my level ofconfidence in pursuing new ventures. I'm often asked, "How have youaccomplishedsomuchinyourlife?"IthinkthatabigpartofitisthatIlookatthings in a different way than most: while most people have to establishcompetence before they feel confident, I decide to feel confident, and thatprovides the senseof certainty topersistuntil I amcompetent.That'swhymyidentityisnotlimitedbymypastreferences.IfyouweretoaskmewhoIamtoday(andImightdecidetochangetomorrow!),IwouldsaythatIamacreatorofpossibility,aninstigatorofjoy,acatalystforgrowth,abuilderofpeople,andaproducerofpassion.Iamnotamotivator,apreacher,oraguru.Iamoneofthenation'sexpertsinthepsychologyofchange.I am a coach, an entrepreneur, a husband, a father, a lover, a friend, anentertainer, a television personality, a nationally bestselling author, one of themost impactful speakers in the nation, a black belt, a jet helicopter pilot, aninternational businessman, a health expert, an advocate for the homeless, aphilanthropist,a teacher,apersonwhomakesadifference,a force forgood,ahealer,achallenger...andafun,outrageous,andhumblekindo'guy!Iidentitywiththehighestelementsofmyself,andIviewthosefacetsofmethatarenotyetperfectasanopportunity forgrowth rather thanascharacter flaws.YouandIneedtoexpandourviewofwhoweare.Weneedtomakecertainthatthelabelsweputuponourselvesarenotlimitsbutenhancements,thatweaddtoallthat'salreadygoodwithinus—forwhateveryouandIbegintoidentifywith,wewillbecome.Thisisthepowerofbelief."Ifwealldidthethingswearecapableofdoing,wewouldliterallyastound

ourselves."THOMASA.EDISONBecauseofmycommitment to constantly expandmycapacity to appreciate

allaspectsoflife,I'malwayspursuinguniquereferences.Yearsago,Idecidedto

visittheBellevuemorgue,andIexperiencedamajorlifetransformation.Iwenttherebecausemyfriend.Dr.FredCovan,whoisChiefPsychologistofBellevueHospitalinNewYork,convincedmethatinordertounderstandlifeyou'vegotto understand death. Becky and I arrived at his office with a great deal ofapprehension.Fredsatusdownandcautionedusnot tosayawordduring theexperience."Justletithappen,"hesaid."Noticewhatfeelingscomeup,andthenwe'lltalkaboutitlater."Notknowingwhattoexpect,wenervouslyfollowedthedoctorashedescendedthe stairs. He led us to the section for unclaimed bodies, where most of theremainswerefromtheindigentstreetpopulation.Ashepulledoutthefirstmetaldrawerandunzippedthebodybag,Ifeltashudderripplethroughmybody.Herewas this "person" there with me, yet I was instantly struck by the feeling ofemptiness.Beckywas shakenwhen she thought she saw thebodymove.Fredlater pointed out that Becky's experience was common, that we all have adifficulttimedealingwithbodiesthatdon'tmove,thataredevoidofthepulseoflife.As he opened each successive drawer, the emotion hit me again and again:there's no one here. The body is here, but there is no person.Moments afterdeath,thesepeopleweighedthesameamountastheydidwhentheywerealive,butwhatever theywere—the essence ofwho they trulywere—was no longerthere.Wearenotourbodies.Whenwepasson, there'snoquestionthatwhat'smissingistheintangible,weightlessidentity,thatessenceoflifesomecallspirit.I believe that it's equally important for us to remember thatwhilewe're alive,we'renotourbodies.Neitherareweourpast,norourbehaviorsinthemoment.Thisexperiencegavemeanincrediblesenseofgratitudefortheblessedgiftoflife.SuddenlyIlookedat peoplewhohadmajor physical challenges and thought, "Boy, do they lookhealthy."There'snothinglikealittlecontrasttoremindusofhowfortunateweallare!Recently,myfeelingswereputintowordswhenIhadtheopportunitytovisit with author Wayne Dyer. He said something that day that typifies myfeelings.He toldme,"Wearenothumanbeingshavinga spiritualexperience.Wearespiritualbeingshavingahumanexperience."Ouridentityisthecornerstoneofthatexperience.Ibelievethatourtrueidentityissomethingthat's indefinableandgreater thananythingthat'sdescribable.Weare soul; we are spirit. Remembering who we really are puts everything intoperspective, doesn't it? Once we act with the knowledge that we're spiritualbeings,wewon'tgetcaughtupinallthelittlegamesthatseparateusfromoneanother.We'llknowwithdeepconvictionthatwearetrulyconnectedwithallofcreation.

"Eachofusinevitable;Eachofuslimitless—eachofuswithhisorherrightupontheearth;Eachofusallow'dtheeternalpurportsoftheearth;Eachofushereasdivinelyasanyishere."WALTWHITMANThenext timeyoucatchyourself saying, "I couldneverdo that,"or "That's

justnotme,"takeamomenttoconsidertheimpactofwhatyou'resaying.Haveyoulimitedyourconceptofself?Ifso, takeadvantageofeveryopportunity toexpandyouridentity.Getyourselftodothosethingsyoudon'tthinkyoucando,anduseyournewactionsasareferencethatgivesyouasenseofcertaintythatyou'remorethanyouthought.Begin toaskyourself, "Whatmorecan Ibe?Whatmorewill Ibe?WhoamIbecomingnow?"Thinkaboutyourvaluesanddreamlist,andcommittoyourselfthat, regardlessof theenvironment, "Iwill consistentlyact as apersonwho isalreadyachievingthesegoals.Iwillbreathethisway.Iwillmovethisway.Iwillrespondtopeoplethisway.Iwilltreatpeoplewiththekindofdignity,respect,compassion,andlovethatthispersonwould."Ifwedecidetothink,feel,andactasthekindofpersonwewanttobe,wewillbecomethatperson.Wewon'tjustbebehaving"like"thatperson;wewillbethatperson.You are now at a crossroads. This is your opportunity to make the mostimportant decision youwill evermake. Forget your past.Who are you now?Who have you decided you really are now?Don't think about who you havebeen.Whoareyounow?Whohaveyoudecidedtobecome?Make this decision consciously.Make it carefully.Make it powerfully.AswenowleaveourstudyoftheMasterSystem,justrememberthis:youdon'thavetomakeallofthechangeswe'vetalkedabouthereinordertotransformthequalityofyourlife.Ifyouchangeanyoneofthefiveareasofthesystem,yourwholelife will change. A change in your habitual questions alone will change yourfocus and change your life. Making shifts in your values hierarchies willimmediatelychangethedirectionofyourlife.Cultivatingpowerful,resourcefulstates inyourphysiologywillchangethewayyouthinkandthewayyoufeel.Thisalonecouldchangeyour identity.Socouldchangingsomeofyourglobalbeliefs. Pursuing additional references will provide the raw materials forassemblinganewexperienceofwhoyouare.Andcertainly,decidingtoexpandyour identity could transform virtually everything. I know that you'll want toreturn to these pages again and again throughout your life as you begin toreinventyourselfanddefinewhoyou trulywant tobenowversuswhoyou'vebeeninthepast.Beplayful!Havefun!Discovertheadventurethatcomeswithanever-expandingsensethat

whoyouareissomethingmoreeachandeverydaythatyou'realive.Nowlet'shavesomefunbybeginningaseven-daychallengewhereeachdayI'llgive you a brief exercise to use what you've been learning and give you anopportunity to start reaping the rewards of some of the strategies and tools towhichyou'vebeenexposed.Let'sbeginwith...

EMOTIONALDESTINY:THEONLYTRUESUCCESS-DAYONEYour Outcome: Take control of your consistent emotions and begin to

consciouslyanddeliberatelyreshapeyourdailyexperienceoflife.There is no true success without emotional success, yet, of the more than

3,000emotionsthatwehavewordstodescribe,theaveragepersonexperiencesonly about a dozendifferent ones in the course of an averageweek.Wemustremember that this does not reflect our emotional capacity, but rather thelimitationsofourpresentpatternsoffocusandphysiology.Throughout this book, we've continually studied the mastery of emotion, andyou've developed a broad spectrum of tools to powerfully and rapidly changeany emotion you desire. You now realize that changing how you feel is themotivation behind virtually all of your behaviors. Thus, it's time that youdevelop a proactive plan for dealingwith the negative emotional patterns thatyou habitually experience. It's equally important to give yourself the gift ofexpandingtheamountandqualityoftimethatyouspendinpositiveemotionalstates. The arsenal of skills you have for changing your emotional statesincludes:•physiology

•focus•questions•submodalities•TransformationalVocabulary•metaphors•NeuroAssociativeConditioning•beliefs•compellingfuture•values•rules•references•identityThepurposeoftoday'sexerciseissimplytomakeyouawareofyourpresent

emotional patterns and get you to utilize asmanyof the above-listed skills asnecessarytoguaranteethatyoushapeyourownemotionaldestinydaily.

"Seeingisbelieving,butfeeling'sthetruth."THOMASFULLER,M.D.Today'sAssignment:

1.Writedownalltheemotionsthatyouexperienceinanaverageweek.2.Listtheeventsorsituationsyouusetotriggertheseemotions.3.Comeupwithanantidoteforeachnegativeemotion,andemployoneofthe

appropriatetoolsforrespondingtotheActionSignal.Doyouneedtochangethewords you use to describe this experience?Do you need to changewhat youbelieveaboutthisemotionalstate?Doyouneedtoaskyourselfanewquestion?Besuretoconsistentlyfocusonsolutionsinsteadofproblems.Committhroughoutthisdaytoreplacingtheold,limitingemotionwithanew,

empoweringemotion, andcondition thisnewpatternuntil it's consistent.Withouremotionswellinhand,we'llbegintomorrowtomasterour...

PHYSICALDESTINY:PRISONOFPAINORPALACEOFPLEASUREDAYTWOYourOutcome: Just as you've learned to condition your nervous system to

produce the behaviors that will give you the results you want, the physicaldestiny you experience depends on how you condition your metabolism andmusclestoproducethelevelsofenergyandfitnessyoudesire.Hisgoalwas tobreakaworldrecord.Forelevenstraightdays,hehadbeen

running twenty-one hours a day and sleeping amere three hours a night. Thementalchallengewasasgreatas thephysicalchallenge:hehad to travel fromthe everyday world he'd lived in his entire life into one where his primaryobjectivewas thenextstep.Hedevotedyearsof trainingnotonly tohisbody,but also to his mind. His objective? To demonstrate the unlimited physicalpotential that lies locked within us all. By breaking the previous record andrunning over 1,000miles in eleven days and nineteen hours, at an average ofeighty-four miles per day, StuMittleman demonstrated that by understandinghow to conditionboth themindandbody,one canproduce results farbeyondanythingsocietywouldconsiderpossible.Hehasprovenbyhisexamplethatthehumancapacityisincredible,andthatwecanadapttoanythingifwemaketheright demands upon ourselves incrementally.The purpose of this chapter is tosharewithyou the fundamental secrets thatempoweredStuMittleman to trainhimselftoaccomplishthisunparalleledtask.For years I have pursued those I've considered to bemasters in their areas ofexpertise,andphysicalfitnessandhealthhavebeenamajorfocusinmylifeforoveradecade.WhenIfirstbeganmyresearchinthisarea,Ibecameconfusedbythe maelstrom of conflicting viewpoints expressed by experts all supposedlyequally qualified. For negotiating my way through the maze of opinions, mynumber-onecriterionwasresults.Thosewhoconsistentlyproducedquality resultswere theones I emulatedandlearned from. Just as I had a hard time giving credence to a doctorwhowascounselingpatientsabouthealthbutwhohimselfwasfortypoundsoverweight,so, too, did I question the validity of so-called fitness experts who appearedemaciatedandhadahostofinjuriesandlowenergylevels.When I first heard about Stu Mittleman and his accomplishments, I becamefascinated,particularlywhenIheardfurtherthatallthosewhohadwitnessedhisamazingfeatsaidhelookedbetterattheendofhis1,000-milerunthanhedid

whenhe left the starting line!He experiencedno injuries—not even a blister!Whatgavehimtheincrediblecapacitytostretchhisbodytoits limitsandstillmaximizehispotentialwithoutinjuringit?Certainly,Stuwaswell-prepared forhis run.Hehasmaster'sdegrees insportspsychology,sociology,andsocialpsychology,andisworkingtowardadoctorateinexercisephysiologyatColumbiaUniversity.But theknowledge thatprovedmost invaluable to himwas the distinction that health and fitness are not thesame.This is adistinction that JimFixx, the famous running-bookauthor,didnothave.Hewasclearlyfit,butalsounhealthy.Thefailureofmostindividualstograspthedifferencebetweenfitnessandhealthiswhatcausesthemtoexperiencethefrustrationofworkingoutreligiouslyandstillhavingthesamefivetotenpoundsstubbornlyclingingtotheirmidsection.Talkaboutlearnedhelplessness!Worsethanthatistheplightofthosewhomakeexercise thecenterpieceof their livesandbelieve that theiractionsaremakingthem healthier, yet each and every day they are pushing themselves one stepfurthertowardfatigue,disease,andemotionalupheaval.WhatexactlydoImeanbythedifferencebetweenhealthandfitness?Fitnessis"thephysicalabilitytoperformathleticactivity."Health,however,isdennedas"the state where all the systems of the body—nervous, muscular, skeletal,circulatory, digestive , lymphatic, hormonal, etc.—are working in an optimalway...."Mostpeoplethinkthatfitnessimplieshealth,butthetruthisthattheydon'tnecessarilygohandinhand.It'sidealtohavebothhealthandfitness,butbyputtinghealthfirst,youwillalwaysenjoytremendousbenefitsinyourlife.Ifyouachieve fitness at the expenseofhealth,youmaynot live longenough toenjoyyourspectacularphysique.The optimum balance of health and fitness is achieved by training yourmetabolism . Justaswe trainourminds,and justaswe trainourmuscles,Stuandone of his trainers,Dr. PhilipMaffetone, have proven thatwe can in facttrainourmetabolism.Stu'sresultsdefinitelybear thisout:whilehewasonhis1,000-milerun,hecertainlyshouldhave"hitthewall."Yetheneverexperiencedthis in spite of running eighty-fourmiles a day.Understanding the simple yetprofounddistinctionsthatStuusedcanchangenotonlyhowyoulook,butalsoyourlevelofenergy,thequalityofyourlife,andultimatelythephysicaldestinyyousetinmotion.Thebiggestdifferencebetweenhealthandfitnesscomesdowntounderstandingthedistinctionbetweenaerobicandanaerobicexercise,betweenenduranceandpower.Aerobicmeans,literally,"withoxygen,"andreferstomoderateexercisesustained over a period of time. Your aerobic system is your system forendurance, and encompasses the heart, lungs, blood vessels, and aerobic

muscles.Ifyouactivateyouraerobicsystemwithproperdietandexercise,youbum/atasyourprimaryfuel.On the other hand, anaerobicmeans, literally, "without oxygen," and refers toexercisesthatproduceshortburstsofpower.Anaerobicexercisebumsglycogenasitsprimaryfuel,whilecausingthebodytostorefat.Geneticsplaysapartinyourbody'sabilitytobumfatand, infact,somepeoplearebornwithahighlyaerobicsystemalreadyinplace.Thesearethepeopleweenvywhoseeminglycaneatanythingandnotgainanounce.Most typesofexercisecanbeeitheraerobicoranaerobic.The levelofintensity determineswhether you are using your aerobic or anaerobic system.Walking, jogging, running,biking,swimming,dancing,etc.,canprovideeitherbenefit.Lowerheart ratesmake these activities aerobic, andhigherheart ratesmake them anaerobic. . . .Usually, tennis, racquetball, basketball, and similarsportsareanaerobic.MostAmericans todayhavea lifestyle thatcauses themto live inaconstantlyanaerobic state, inundated with stress and demands, compounding it with theway they choose to exercise. As a result, they train their metabolism tocontinuously be anaerobic, i.e., bum glycogen as a primary source of energy.When levels of glycogen become excessively low, the anaerobically trainedmetabolism turns to blood sugar as its secondary source of fuel. Thisimmediatelydisruptsyourlevelofhealthandvitality.Asyouranaerobicdemandsrobyourbodyofbloodsugaryoucouldbeusingforother tasks, you immediately begin to feel the negative effects. Since yournervous systemdemands theuseof two-thirdsofyourblood sugar, thedeficitcreatedbyanaerobicexercisecancauseneuromuscularproblemslikeheadachesor disorientation. Here is a list of some telltale symptoms directly related toexcessive anaerobic training of your metabolism: fatigue, recurrent exerciseinjuries, low blood sugar patterns, depression and anxiety, fat metabolismproblems,premenstrualsyndrome,orcirculationproblemsandstiffjoints.We live in a society that is anaerobic-excessive and aerobic-deficient, and it'snegatively impacting the quality of health across the nation. In modem,industrializedsociety,peoplebecomelessphysicallyactive.Onlyafewdecadesago, most people accomplished their daily chores in a physical way. Today,though,wehavedesignedactivedemandsforourbodiestoreplacetheinactivitythatourday-to-daylifenolongercreates.Thisforcedactivitywecallexercise.Unfortunately,manypeoplewithpositive intentions, including skilledathletes,arebecominglesshealthywithexercise.Outofourdrivetoproducethegreatestresults in the shortest period of time, most of us create an improper balancebetweenhealthandfitness,andsuffertheconsequences.

Thesolution,however, is simple.StuMittleman's secret is thatheunderstandsthat health and fitness must go together. According to Dr. Maffetone, this isaccomplishedbyunderstandingthatallexerciseprogramsrequirethatyoubeginbybuildinganaerobicbase—aperiodoftimeduringwhichyourentireexerciseprogram is exclusively based upon aerobic activity without any anaerobicexerciseatall.Thisbaseperiodmaylastfromaminimumoftwotoamaximumof about eight months, during which your aerobic system is developed andmaximized. This base period is then followed by anaerobic workouts of one,two,orsometimesthreeperweek.Properlydevelopingyouraerobicsystemwillnotonlymakeyouabetterathlete,[but]itwillalsobumofftheextrafatfromyourhips, improveyour immunesystem,giveyoumoreenergy,andkeepyourelatively injury-free. In otherwords, it's away to build your total health andfitnessthroughboththeproperconditioningofyourmetabolismforaerobicand,whenappropriate,anaerobictrainingBycreatinganaerobicbase,you'll alsocreatea tremendousamountofenergyand endurance. Remember, by expanding your aerobic capacity, you'reexpanding your body's ability to deliver oxygen (the source of energy andhealth)toeveryorganandsystemofthebody.Theproblemisthatmostpeopletry to push themselves beyond their ideal heart rates, and they spend all theirtimeexercisinginananaerobicstate.Ifyouhavenotyetbuiltanaerobicbase,thenallofyouranaerobicexerciseisattheexpenseofendurance.Manypeople,outoftheirdesireto"whip"themselvesintoastateoffitness,trytoexerciseattheirmaximumheartrates.Traditionally,theformulaformaximumheartrateis220minusyourage.Fora thirty-year-old, thiswouldmeanaiming foraheartrateof190.Surelyexercisingatthisintensityforlongperiodsoftimeisoneofthemostdestructivethingsyoucandotoyourbody:itmaymakeyou"fit,"butitwilldosoatthecostofyourhealth.Bytheway,guesswhowasguiltyof thisforseveralyears.Ipushedmyself to"achieve"maximumheartrate:IwouldjumpontomyStairMasterandcrankituptothehighestlevel,andgofortwentyminutes.Or,afternothavingruninseveralweeks,Iwouldgooutandrunfivemileswithabsolutelynowarm-up. Iwouldn't be able towalk for several days afterward,but I believed that through this "no-pain, no-gain" discipline I was makingmyselfmorehealthy!AllIwasdoingwasestablishinga love-haterelationshipwithexercise.Mymixedassociationsofpainandpleasuremademeputitoffaslongasmyconsciencewouldallow,thentrytomakeupforlosttimeinjustonesession.Since then I've learned that when you begin to work out at a pace whichimmediately throwsyourbody intoanaerobiccapacity, averydangerous thing

can occur. In order to supply the immediate demand for blood that anaerobicexerciserequiresforthemusclesthatneeditmost,yourbodyshuntsbloodfromcriticalorganslikeyourliverandkidneys.Asaresult,theseorganslosealargeamount of oxygen, which significantly impairs their vitality and health.Continuallydoingthisresultsintheirweakness,damage,ordestruction.Thekey is to trainyourmetabolism toconsistentlyoperate inaerobic fashion.Yourbodywon'tbumfatunlessyouspecifically train it todoso.Thus, ifyouwanttolosethatpersistent layeroffataroundyourmidsection,youmust trainyourbody tobumfat,notsugar.Remember thatbothStu'sandPhil'scriterionforaerobicfunctionistheburningoffat.Oneofthebiggestbenefitsofaerobicexerciseisthatitpreventsthecloggingofarteriesthatleadstoheartdisease,thetopcauseofdeathintheUnitedStates(responsibleforkillingoneoutofteverytwopeople).Someindividuals,intheirzealtoeliminateallfatfromtheirdiet,actuallyinducetheir body to enter an "emergency"mode inwhich it begins to store fat evenmoreefficiently.Theycompoundthemistakesbystarving themselves,andwhen they inevitably return tooldeatingpatterns,even more fat is stored from the same amount of food they had been eatingbeforethediet—andtheygainbackmoreweightthantheylost!Thisiswhyourcultureissoobsessedwithlosing"thoselasttenpounds."Whenpeopletellmetheywanttolosetenpounds,Iaskthem,"Tenpoundsofwhat?"Mostoftenthey'reexercisinginawaythatcausesthemtolosewaterormuscle,notfat.Youcanweighthesameamounttodayasyouweighedtenyearsagobutbemuch lesshealthybecauseyourmusclehasbeen replacedwith fat.Muscleweighsmorethanfat,soifyouweighthesameasyoudidtenyearsagoandyourbodyismadeupofevenmorefat,you'reindeeptrouble!Whileit'struewewanttolimitourfatintakesoit'snotexcessive(20percentto30percentofyourcaloricintake),nothingcancomparewithaerobicexercisefortrainingyourmetabolism tobumfat.There isnoone"right"percentageof fatintake for all individuals; it depends on how you metabolize the fat you doingest.Wouldn'tyoulovetohavethesamecapacitythatyouenvyinotherswhoseemtobeblessedwithmetabolismsthatbumfat?Youcan!It'sallamatterofconditioning.Sohowdoyou trainyourmetabolism tobumfat so thatyouhave theenergy,endurance,andvitalitytoputintopracticeeverythingyou'velearnedinthisbookandlivelifetothefullest?Ihavesomegoodnewsandsomebadnews.Firstthegoodnews:youcanaccomplishthisthroughsomesimplestepseachday.Nowthebadnews:youwon'tbeabletousethetraditionalAmericanmethodoffillingthebathtub,pullingtheplug,andfightingthecurrent!Neitherwilldrivingagolf

cart from hole to hole do the trick. These are not forms of aerobic exercise.Throwingyourpendulumtotheotherextremewon'twork,either.Windsprintsareananaerobicexercise.Theycreateanimmediateoxygendeficitinthecellsandbegintocauseyoutotrainyourmetabolismtobumglycogenand/orbloodsugar;thus,thefatcontinuestobestored.Probably themost important element toone'shealth isoxygen.Everyday,webreathe approximately 2,500 gallons of air in order to supply our tissueswithoxygen.Withoutit,cellsbecomeweakenedanddie.Thereareabout75trillioncellsinyourbody,andtheyprovideyouwithadenosinetriphosphate(ATP),thebasic energy for everything that your body does, whether it's breathing,dreaming,eating,orexercising. Inorder tosurvive,cellsmusthaveoxygen inordertobumglucoseandcreateATPforcontinuedgrowth.Thepointisthatyoudon'twanttodepleteoxygenduringexercise.Ifyouwanttoknowwhetheryou'vemovedbeyondaerobic intoanaerobic,here'sa simpletest: when you're exercising, can you talk (aerobic)? Or are you too winded(anaerobic)?Yourbreathingshouldbesteadyandaudible,butnotlabored.Whatdoes it feel like when you're working out? If you're exercising aerobically, itshould be pleasurable though tiring. If you're exercising anaerobically, youdefinitelyfeelpushed.Onascalefrom0to10,with0beingminimumexertionand 10 being themost intense,what's your score? If you've exceeded 7, thenyou've gone beyond aerobic into anaerobic; ideally, you'll evaluate yourselfbetween6and7.Tappingyouraerobiccapacityrequiresaveryspecificformoftraining. First, it's advisable to wear a heart-rate monitor. Then warm upgraduallytoreachyouroptimumaerobictrainingzone.(Seeboxbelow.)Your warm-up will accomplish at least two things: 1) You will be graduallymobilizing the fattyacids stored throughoutyourbody toyourbloodstreamsothatyoucanuseyourfatinsteadofyourvitalbloodsugar.Thisiscritical.Ifyoudon'twarmup,youmayexerciseaerobically,i.e.,withoxygeninthecells,butnotburnthefat.Duringwarm-up,youshouldcountyourheartrateat50percentofthemaximumusingthestandardmethodofcalculation(seefootnotefortheheartratebox).2)You will prevent cramping . This warm-up period should take about fifteenminutes.Thisallowsyourbodytograduallydistributebloodtothoseareasthatneed it rather than immediately diverting it from vital organs—a criticaldistinction to make sure that your workouts build health and fitness withoutinjuringyoursystem.Second,exercisewithinyouraerobictrainingzoneforatleasttwentyminutes,ideallyworkinguptothirtytoforty-fiveminutes.Thebestway to findyouroptimal trainingheart rate is toapply the followingformula:

COMPUTINGYOURIDEALHEARTRATE180 - your age = your ideal heart rate (the rate at which you can exerciseaerobicallybeforegoinganaerobic).If you are recovering from a major illness or are on medication, subtract anadditional10points.Ifyouhavenotexercisedbefore,orhaveaninjuryoraregearingdowninyourtraining,orifyouoftengetcoldsorfluorhaveallergies,subtract5points.Ifyouhavebeenexercisingforuptotwoyearswithoutanyrealproblems,andhavenothadcoldsorflumorethanonceortwiceperyear,keepyourscorethesame.If you have been exercising for more than two years without any problems,whilemakingprogressincompetitionwithoutinjury,add5points.Beforebeginninganyprogramofphysicalexercise,consultyourphysician.Third,taketwelvetofifteenminutestocooldownappropriatelybywalkingor

someother formofmildmovement. In thiswayyoupreventyourblood frompoolinginyourworkingmuscles.Ifyouabruptlystopmovementafterexercise,there is noway for the blood to be returned for cleansing, reoxygenation andredistribution.Itwillstayinthemuscle,engorgingit,andincreasingtoxicityinthebloodstream. People are often reluctant to commit to a workout because theylink toomuchpain to it,eitherphysicalpainor thepainofnothavingenoughtime.Butifyoujustgiveitatry,you'llmaketwopleasantdiscoveries:1)You'llloveworkingoutthiswaybecauseitproducespleasureandnopain.2)You’llexperiencealevelofphysicalvitalityyou'veneverfeltbefore.If you're concerned about the amountof time it takes, thinkofways inwhichyou canmaximize your time. For instance,while you'rewarming up you canlisten to tapes, read, watch the news, do your Morning or Evening PowerQuestions,readyourvaluesandruleshierarchy,andmakeotherproductiveusesofyour time.When IaskedStuMittlemanwhathe recommendsasaworkoutschedule, he suggested starting out with at least three sessions a week, withfifteenminutesofwarm-up, twentyminutesatyouraerobic trainingzone,andfifteenminutesofcool-down.Thengraduatetolongersessionsasyouseefit.AmIsuggestingtoyouthataerobictrainingistheonlytypeofexerciseworthdoing?Ofcoursenot.Havinghealthandfitnessisthegoal;wewanttoenhanceperformanceaswellasendurance.(Justre-member that any time you work out at an anaerobic pace, you do so at theexpenseofyourendurance.)Soasyoubegintodevelopyouraerobiccapacity,once you reach a plateau (somewhere in your second to fourth month of

exercise), you canbuild power by adding anaerobic exercise to your regimen,suchasbyEastrepetitionswithweights.Thisdiffersfrompersontoperson,andthebest test is to just listen toyourbody. If you're runningon thebeach, andsuddenly feel like sprinting,do it!Developbodywisdom; learn tonoticeyourbody'sabilitytohandlemorechallengingphysicaltasks.In fact, Stu assures us that we canmaintain and improve endurance into ourgoldenyears.Wedonothave tobe frail inouroldage!Chronology isnot somuch the arbiter of our health as is our commitment to a health-enhancinglifestyle.Eventhoughsomepeoplearebornwithapredispositiontobumfat,orare blessedwith a gift of speed or power, anyone can achieve endurance andvitalitybyconsciouslydecidingtoconditiontheirbody'schemistry."Wearenotlimitedbyouroldage;weareliberatedbyit."

STUMITTLEMANThemost excitingnewsofall is that, likeallpatterns thatgiveuspleasure,

exercisecanbecomeapositiveaddiction.Asmuchasyoumaycurrentlyavoidexercise,youwillprobablybemorepowerfullydrawn to itonceyoudiscoverhow pleasurable it is to work out properly. Research has shown that if youexerciseconsistentlyforoveratwelve-monthperiodoftime,youwillformthispositiveaddictionforalifetime.Evenifyougetoff trackforaperiodoftime,you'llalwaysreturntoaconsistentexerciseregimenthroughoutyourlife.Yourbodywillbedriventothepleasureofhealth,tothenaturalhighofmaximizingyourphysicalpotential.Whyisthis?Youwillhavetrainedyournervoussystembyconditioningyourmetabolismtothriveonthisexperience.Wealldeservethephysicalvitalitythatcantransformthequalityofourlives.Yourphysicaldestinyis intimately related to your mental, emotional, financial, and relationshipdestinies.Infact,itwilldeterminewhetheryouhaveadestinyatall!

THEFOUNTAINOFYOUTH

An undeniably powerful totem in our culture is youth and physical vitality.Think of the old men and women who got a new lease on life in the movieCocoon. So many people chase after whatever they think will prolong their"youth,"whiletherealfountainofyouthalreadyexistswithinthem.It'sknownas human growth hormone (HGH). HGH stimulates tissue growth, increasesmuscletoneandleanmass,enhancesflexibility,thickensmuscles,stimulatesthegrowthofbonesandorgans,andhelpsmaintainhealthytissues.Fromthetimeyou'reborntoapproximatelytheageofthirty,HGHisnaturallyreleasedintothebloodstreamaboutanhourandahalfafteryougotosleepandalsooncebeforeyouwakeupinthemorning.(Ijustturnedthirty-onethisyear,soIdon'tbuythattime schedule!) High levels of HGH naturally drop over time. By age sixty,about30percentofmenproducelittleornoneofthesubstance.Itisconjecturedthatwomencontinuetosecretegrowthhormoneintotheiroldage,andthat'soneof thereasons they live longer.Wealsoreceivehumangrowthhormoneburstsafter heavy exercise and/or after a serious injury because HGH is a healingsubstance.HGH is now being synthesized in laboratories and administered tochildrenwhohavedwarfismtostimulatetheirgrowth.Buthowcanyouenhanceyour own natural abilities to releaseHGH into your system? The oneway totrigger it instantly and continuously is through explosive exercise.Thismeansperforming repetitions of an activitywhichyou canmaintain for thirty-five toforty-fivesecondsonly,suchasheavyweightlifting.LaboratorytestsinMiami,Florida, have produced exciting results. People in their sixtieswho've gone atleasttentofifteenyearswithoutanymuscletonearelearningtoliftweightsandcreate muscle mass equivalent to that of twenty-one-year-olds, with energylevelstomatch.Whatdoesallofthismean?Itmeansthatyoucanbeasstronginyourseventiesandeightiesasyouwereinyourtwentiesandthirties!Notonlycanyoucontinuetobuildyourendurancefactorwithaerobicexercise,aswe'vealreadydiscussed,but you can continue to boost your power with short, explosive bursts ofanaerobic exercise. Just remember the other factor in the equation: give yourbody the nutrients it needs. Make sure you aren't poisoning your body withexcesssugar,fats,salt,ormeat.Allofthisisgreatnews,sinceasweenterthetwenty-firstcentury,estimatesarethat24percentoftheAmericanpopulationisexpectedtobeovertheageofsixty-five.Ifwetakecontrolofourbodiesnow,oneoutofeveryfourAmericanswillnotbeadrainonsociety,butastrongand

vitalmemberwhomakesvaluablecontributionsandenjoyslifetotheutmost!"Thehumanbodyisthebestpictureofthehumansoul."

LUDW1GWITTGENSTEINToday'sAssignment:

1.Makethedistinctionbetweenfitnessandhealth.You'vedonethisalready.2.Decidetobecomehealthy.Ihopeyou'vedonethisalready,too.3. Know where you are. Are you currently exercising aerobically oranaerobically?Areyouburningfatorglycogen?Eithervisitsomebodywhocantestyou,oranswerthefollowingquestions:Doyouwakeupinthemorningfeelingtired?Doyoufeelfamishedafterworkingout?Doyouexperiencewildmoodswingsafterworkingout?Doesthatsamelayeroffathangintheredespiteyourmostdiligentefforts?Doyoufeelachesandpainsafterexercising?If you answered yes to these questions, chances are that you're exercisinganaerobically.4. Purchase a portable heart-rate monitor (they cost in the range of $175 to$200).It'soneofthebestinvestmentsyou'llevermake.5.Developaplan.Conditionyourmetabolismtoburnfatandproduceconsistentlevelsofenergybybeginningaten-dayprogramofaerobicexerciseaccordingtotheguidelinesIoutlinedabove.Beginimmediately.6.Partofyourten-daychallenge,ifyouwanttoextendit,istoreadthechapter"Energy:TheFuelofExcellence"inmyfirstbook,UnlimitedPower.7.Decidetomakeexercisepanofyouridentity.Itisonlythroughalong-term,lifelongcommitmenttoexercisethatwecantrulyreaptherewardsthatlifehastoofferus.Now,let'sholdourselvestoahigherstandardbyincreasingthequalityofour.

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RELATIONSHIPDESTINY:THEPLACETOSHAREANDCARE-DAYTHREEYour Outcome: Measurably enhance the quality of your personal

relationships, and deepen your emotional connectionwith the people you careaboutmostbyreviewingthesixfundamentalsofsuccessfulrelationships.Success isworthless ifwedon't have someone to share itwith; indeed, our

mostdesiredhumanemotionisthatofconnectionwithothersouls.Throughoutthisbookwe'vetalkedconsistentlyabouttheimpactofrelationshipsonshapingcharacter, values, beliefs, and the quality of our lives. Specifically, today'sexerciseisdesignedsimplytoremindyouofsixkeypointsthatarevaluabletoanyrelationship.Let'sbrieflyreviewthembeforeIgiveyouyourassignmentfortoday:1.Ifyoudon'tknowthevaluesandrulesofthepeoplewithwhomyousharearelationship,youshouldprepareforpain.Peoplecanloveeachother,butifforwhatever reason they consistentlybreak the rulesof someone they care about,there are going to be upsets and stress in this relationship. Remember, everyupset you've ever had with another human being has been a rules upset, andwhenpeoplebecomeintimatelyinvolved,it'sinevitablethatsomeoftheirruleswill clash.By knowing a person's rules, you can head off these challenges inadvance.2.Someofthebiggestchallengesinrelationshipscomefromthefactthatmostpeople enter a relationship in order to get something: they're trying to findsomeone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way arelationshipwilllastisifyouseeyourrelationshipasaplacethatyougotogive,andnotaplacethatyougototake.3.Likeanythingelseinlife,inorderforarelationshiptobenurtured,therearecertainthingstolookfor—andtolookoutfor.Therearecertainwarningsignalswithin your relationship that can flag you that you need to tackle a problemimmediatelybeforeitgetsoutofhand.InherbookHowtoMakeLoveAlltheTime,my friendDr. Barbara DeAngelis identifies four pernicious phases thatcankilla relationship.By identifying them,wecan immediately interveneandeliminateproblemsbeforetheyballoonintodestructivepatternsthatthreatentherelationshipitself.StageOne,Resistance:The first phaseof challenges in a relationship iswhenyoubegintofeelresistance.Virtuallyanyonewho'severbeeninarelationship

hashad timeswhen they felt resistance toward something theirpartner saidordid.Resistanceoccurswhenyoutakeexceptionorfeelannoyedorabitseparatefromthisperson.Maybeatapartytheytellajokethatbothersyouandyouwishthey hadn't. The challenge, of course, is that most people don't communicatewhenthey'refeelingasenseofresistance,andasaresult,thisemotioncontinuestogrowuntilitbecomes...StageTwo,Resentment : Ifresistanceisnothandled, itgrowsintoresentment.Now you're not just annoyed; you're angry with your partner. You begin toseparateyourselffromthemanderectanemotionalbarrier.Resentmentdestroysthe emotion of intimacy, and this is a destructive patternwithin a relationshipthat, if unchecked, will only gain speed. If it is not transformed orcommunicated,itturnsinto...Stage Three, Rejection: This is the pointwhen you have somuch resentmentbuiltupthatyoufindyourselflookingforwaystomakeyourpartnerwrong,toverballyornonverballyattackthem.In thisphase,youbegintoseeeverythingthey do as irritating or annoying. It's here that not only emotional separationoccurs,butalsophysicalseparationaswell.Ifrejectionisallowedtocontinue,tolessenourpain,wemoveto...StageFour,Repression:Whenyouaretiredofcopingwiththeangerthatcomeswith the rejection phase, you try to reduce your pain by creating emotionalnumbness. You avoid feeling any pain, but you also avoid passion andexcitement.Thisisthemostdangerousphaseofarelationshipbecausethisisthepointatwhichloversbecomeroommates—nooneelseknowsthecouplehasanyproblems because they never fight, but there's no relationship left.What's thekeytopreventingthese"FourR's"?Theanswerissimple:communicateclearlyup front.Make sure your rules are known and can bemet. To avoid blowingthings out of proportion, use Transformational Vocabulary. Talk in terms ofpreferences: instead of saying, "I can't stand it when you do that!," say, "I'dpreferitifyoudidthisinstead."Developpatterninterruptstopreventthetypeofargument where you can't even remember what it's about anymore, only thatyou'vegottowin.4.Makeyour relationshipsoneof thehighestpriorities inyour life;otherwisetheywill takeabackseat toanyorallof theotherthingsthataremoreurgentthathappenduringyourday.Gradually,thelevelof emotional intensity and passion will drift away.We don't want to lose thepower of our relationships simply because we got caught up in the law offamiliarity,orweletneglecthabituateustotheintenseexcitementandpassionwehaveforaperson.5.OneofthemostimportantpatternsthatBeckyandIdiscoveredearlythatis

criticaltomakingourrelationshiplastistofocuseachdayonmakingitbetter,ratherthanfocusingonwhatmighthappenifitended.Wemustrememberthatwhateverwefocusonwe'llexperience.Ifweconstantlyfocusonourfearofarelationshipbeingover,we'llbegintodothingsunconsciouslytosabotageitsothatwecanextractourselvesbeforewegettooentwinedandtruepainresults.Acorollary to thisprinciple is that ifyouwantyourrelationshipto last,never,never,never,ever,everthreatentherelationshipitself.Inotherwords,don'teversay,"Ifyoudothat,thenI'mleaving."justmakingthisstatementalonecreatesthepossibility.Italsoinducesadestabilizingfear in both partners. Every couple that I've ever interviewed with a lastingrelationshiphasmadeittheirrule,nomatterhowangryorhurttheyfelt,nevertoquestionwhetherornottherelationshipwouldlastandnevertothreatentoleaveit.Justremembertheracingschoolmetaphorof theskidcarandthewall.Youwanttofocusonwhereyouwanttogoinarelationship,notonwhatyoufear.6. Each day, reassociate to what you love about this person you're in arelationshipwith.Reinforceyourfeelingsofconnectionandrenewyourfeelingsofintimacyandattractionbyconsistentlyaskingthequestion,"HowdidIgetsolucky to have you in my life?" Become fully associated to the privilege ofsharingyourlifewiththisperson;feel thepleasureintensely,andcontinuouslyanchoritintoyournervoussystem.Engageinanever-endingquesttofindnewways to surprise each other. If you don't, habituationwill set in, and youwilltakeeachother forgranted.So findandcreate thosespecialmoments thatcanmakeyourrelationshiparolemodel—onethat'slegendary!"In a full heart there is room for everything, and in an emptyheart there is

roomfornothing."ANTONIOPORCHIAToday'sAssignment:

1. Take the time today to talkwith your significant other and find outwhat'smostimportanttoeachofyouinyourrelationship.Whatareyourhighestvaluesinarelationshiptogether,andwhathashappenforyoutofeellikethosevaluesarebeingfulfilled?2.Decidethatit'smoreimportantforyoutobeinlovethantoberight.Ifyoushouldeverfindyourselfinthepositionofinsistingthatyou'reright,breakyourown pattern. Stop immediately and come back to the discussion later whenyou'reinabetterstatetoresolveyourconflicts.3.Develop a pattern interrupt that youboth agree to usewhen things becomemostheated.Inthisway,nomatterhowmadyouare,foratleastamomentyoucansmileandletgooftheupset.Tomakeiteasierforbothofyou,usethemost

bizarreorhumorouspatterninterruptyoucandevise.Makeitaprivatejokethatcanserveasyourpersonalanchor,j4.Whenyoufeelresistance,communicateitwithsoftenerssuchas,"Iknowit'sonlymyidiosyncrasy,butwhenyoudothat,itmakesmeatadpeckish.";5.Planregulardatenightstogether,preferablyonceaweek,orattheminimum,twotimesamonth.Taketurnssurprisingyourpartneranddreamingupthemostromanticandfunthingstodo.6.Makesureyougetagood,180-secondwetkisseveryday!Theseareyouronlyassignments for today!Actupon themandenjoy them. Icanpromiseyou, therewardsareimmeasurable.Tomakesurethatwecommittoconstantandnever-endingimprovement,CANI!,onadailybasis,let'sdevelopanenjoyableplanbycreatingyour...

FINANCIALDESTINY:SMALLSTEPSTOASMALL(ORLARGE)FORTUNE-DAYFOURYour Outcome: Take control of your financial future by learning the five

foundationalelementsforestablishingwealth.Money! It's one of themost emotionally charged issues of our lives.Most

peoplearewillingtogiveupthingsthataremuchmorevaluablethanmoneyinordertogetmoreofit:they'llpushthemselvesfarbeyondtheirpastlimitations,giveuptimewiththeirfamilyandfriends,orevendestroytheirhealth.Moneyisapotentsourceassociatedtobothpainandpleasurewithinoursociety.Toooftenit's used to measure the difference in the quality of lives, to magnify theseparationofthehavesandhave-nots.Somepeopletrytodealwithmoneybypretendingitdoesn'tmatter,butfinancialpressure is something thataffectsusalleverydayofour lives.For theelderlyespecially,alackofmoneyoftentranslatesintoalackofcriticalresources.Forsomepeople,moneyholdsmystery.Forothers,itisthesourceofdesire,pride,envy,andevencontempt.Which is it, really? Is it themakerofdreamsor therootofallevil?Isitatooloraweapon?Asourceoffreedom,power,security?Ormerelyameanstoanend?YouandIknow,intellectually, thatmoneyismerelyamediumofexchange.Itallows us to simplify the process of creating, transferring, and sharing valuewithinasociety.It'saconveniencethattogetherwe'vecreatedinordertoallowourselves the freedom to specialize in our life's work without having to beconcernedastowhetherotherswillfindourworkworthyofbarter.We have learned to associate some of our most debilitating emotions to ascarcity of this commodity: anxiety, frustration, fear, insecurity, worry, anger,humiliation, and being overwhelmed, to name but a few. As we are nowwitnessing in Eastern Europe, political systems have been toppled by thepressureassociated to financialdeprivation.Canyou thinkofanycountry,anycorporation, or anyone's personal life that has not been touched by theexperienceoffinancialstress?Manypeoplemakethemistakeofthinkingthatall thechallengesintheir liveswoulddissipate if they justhadenoughmoney.Nothingcouldbe further fromthetruth.Earningmoremoney, inandofitself,rarelyfreespeople.It'sequallyridiculous to tell yourself that greater financial freedom and mastery of your

financeswouldnotofferyougreateropportunities toexpand,share,andcreatevalueforyourselfandothers.Sowhydosomanypeoplefailtoachievefinancialabundanceinanationwhereeconomic opportunity surrounds us? We live in a country where people cancreate net worths in the hundreds of millions starting with a little idea for acomputerthattheyfirstbuiltintheirgarage!Allaroundustherearerolemodelsofunbelievablepossibility,peoplewhoknowhowtocreatewealthandmaintainit.Whatisitthatkeepsusfromgettingwealthinthefirstplace?Howcanitbe,living in a capitalist country where our forefathers died for our right to life,liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, where economic reform was a majorstimulus for independence, that 95percent of theAmericanpopulationby agesixty-five,afteralifetimeofwork,cannotsupportthemselveswithouthelpfromgovernmentorfamily?As I've pursued the keys to building lastingwealth, one thing becomes clear:creatingwealthissimple.Yetmostpeopleneverbuilditbecausetheyhaveholesintheirfinancialfoundations.Thesecanbefoundintheformofinternalvalueand belief conflicts, as well as poor plans that virtually guarantee financialfailure.Thischapterwillnotprovideyouwitheverythingyouneedtoknowtomasteryourentirefinancial life.Itwouldcertainlytakemorethanachaptertodo that!But it isdesigned togiveyousomesimplefundamentals thatyoucanusetotakeimmediatecontrolofthiscriticallyimportantarea.Let's begin by remembering the power that our beliefs have to control ourbehaviors. The most common reason most people do not become financiallysuccessful is that they havemixed associations towhat itwould take to havemoremoney,aswellaswhatitwouldmeantohaveexcessmoney,i.e.,moneybeyond what they need to support their current lifestyle. As you learned inChapter 5, your brain knowswhat to do onlywhen it has a clear associationaboutwhatitneedstoavoidandwhatitneedstomovetoward.Formoney,weoften sendmixed signals—and sowegetmixed results.We tellourselves thatmoneywillprovideusfreedom,achancetogivetothosewelove,achancetodoall those thingswe'vealwaysdreamedabout, achance to freeupour time.Yetsimultaneouslywemaybelievethatinordertoaccumulateanabundanceofmoney,we'dhave toworksomuchharder,andspendsomuchmore time thatwe'dprobablybetoooldandtiredtoenjoyit.Orwemaybelievethatifwehaveexcessmoney,wewon'tbespiritual,orwe'llbejudged,orsomeonewillswindleusoutofitanyway,sowhyeventry?These negative associations are not limited to ourselves. Some people resentanyonewhoisdoingwellfinancially,andoftentheyassumethatifsomeonehasmadealotofmoney,heorshemusthavedonesomethingtotakeadvantageof

others. If you find yourself resenting someonewho is wealthy, whatmessagedoesthatsendyourbrain?It'sprobablysomethinglike"Havingexcessmoneyisbad."Ifyouharborthesefeelingsforothers,you'resubconsciouslyteachingyourmind that for you to do well would make you a "bad" person. By resentingothers'success,youconditionyourselftoavoidtheveryfinancialabundancethatyouneedanddesire.Thesecondmostcommonreasonwhysomanypeoplenevermastermoney issimply that they think it's toocomplex.Theywantan"expert" tohandle it forthem.Whileit'sveryvaluabletogetexpertcoaching(whichiswhywecreatedour own financial company, Destiny Financial Services™), we all must betrained to understand the consequences of our financial decisions. If youexclusivelydependuponsomeoneelse,nomatterhowcompetenttheyare,you'llalwayshave them toblame forwhatoccurs.But if you take responsibility forunderstandingyourfinances,youcanbegintodirectyourowndestiny.Everything in this book is based upon the idea that we have the power tounderstandhowourminds,bodies,andemotionswork,andbecauseofthis,wehavethecapacitytoexertagreatdealofcontroloverourdestinies.Ourfinancialworld isnodifferent.Wemustunderstand itandnot limitourselvesbybeliefsabout the complexity of finances. Once you understand the fundamentals,masteringmoneyisafairlysimplematter.SothefirsttaskIwouldgiveyouintakingcontrolofyour financialworld is toutilize theNAC(NeuroAssociativeConditioning) technology to condition yourself for financial success. Becomeclearlyassociatedwithallthegreatthingsyoucoulddoforyourfamilyandthepeaceofmindyou'dfeelifyouhadtrueeconomicabundance.Thethirdmajorbeliefthatkeepspeoplefromsucceedingfinanciallyandcreatestremendousstressistheconceptofscarcity.Mostpeoplebelievetheyliveinaworldwhereeverythingislimited:there'sonlysomuchavailableland,somuchoil, so many quality homes, so many opportunities, so much time.With thisphilosophyoflife,inorderforyoutowin,somebodyelsehastolose.It'sazero-sumgame.Ifyoubelievethis,theonlywaytobecomefinanciallysuccessfulisto follow the approachof the robberbaronsof the early1900s and corner themarket on a particular product so that you get 95 percent of somethingwhileeveryoneelsehastosplittheremaining5percent.The truth of thematter, however, is that cornering a scarce supply no longerguarantees lasting wealth. A good friend of mine is economist Paul Pilzer, aWharton Business School graduate who has become quite famous for hiseconomic theory of alchemy. Paul has recently written a book that I highlyrecommend—the title itself reflects his core belief and the evidence he has tobackitup:weliveinaresource-richenvironment.HecallsitUnlimitedWealth.

Paulpointsoutthatweareinauniquetimein human history, where the traditional idea of obtaining scarce physicalresources is no longer the primary arbiter of wealth. Today, technologydeterminesthevalueofaphysicalresourceandhowlargeasupplyofitactuallyexists.When I interviewed him for my PowerTalk audio-magazine, Paul gave me agreatexampledemonstratinghowthevalueofresourcesandtheiravailabilityiscompletely controlled by technology, and that technology thus determines thepriceandvalueofanyproductorservice.Intheseventies,everyonewascertainthatwewere running out of oil.By 1973, peoplewere spending hours in gaslines,andaftersophisticatedcomputerizedanalysis,thebestexpertsintheworldwerepredicting thatwehadapproximately700billionbarrelsofoil left in theentireworld,which,atour then-current rateofconsumption,would last thirty-fivetofortyyears.Paulsaidthatiftheseexpertswerecorrect,thenby1988weshouldhaveseenouroilreservesdwindleto500billionbarrels.Yetby1987,wehad nearly 30 percent more oil than we had fifteen years earlier! In 1988,estimates indicated that we had 900 billion barrels, counting only our provenreserves.Thisdidn'tincludethenearly2,000billionadditional barrels of oil that researchers now believe our new discovery-and-recoverytechniquesmaybeabletotap.Whatmade this radical change in the amount of oil that was available? Twothings: certainly our ability to find oil has been enhanced by technology, andtechnology has also powerfully impacted our ability to utilize oil moreefficiently.Whowouldhavethoughtbackin1973thatsomeonewouldcomeupwiththeideaforcomputerizedfuelinjectorsthatwouldbeinstalledinvirtuallyeveryautomobileintheUnitedStatesandinstantlydoublethefuelefficiencyofour cars? What's more, this computer chip cost $25 and replaced a $300carburetor!The minute this technology was developed, it instantly doubled the effectivesupplyofgasolineandchangedtherelativescarcityofoilovernight.Infact,thepriceofoiltoday,adjustedforinflationandbaseduponthedistanceitwillnowtakeyouwith today'smore fuel-efficient cars, actually costsyou lesspermilethanatanytimeinthehistoryoftheautomobile.Inaddition,weliveinaworldwhere,whencompaniesorindividualsbegintoexperiencetoomucheconomicpain,theyimmediatelylookforalternativesourcestoproducetheresultsthey'reafter.Scientistsallovertheworldarefindingalternativestotheuseofpetroleumforthepoweringoffactories,automobiles,andevenairplanes.Paul said that what happened to the Hunt brothers of Texas is a powerfulexamplethattheoldstrategyofcorneringthemarketonsomecommoditiesjust

doesn'twork anymore.When theHunts attempted to take complete control ofthe silvermarket, theywentbroke.Why?Onemajor reason is that the largestuserofsilver in theworldwasKodakCorporation,whichutilizedsilver in thedevelopingprocess.Motivatedbythepainofincreasedprices,Kodakbegantofindalternativewaysofprocessingphotographs,andasaresult lesssilverwasneeded.Instantly,silverpricesplunged,andtheHuntswerewipedout.Thisisacommonmistakemadebysomeofthemostpowerfulpeopleintoday'ssocietywhocontinuetooperateusingtheoldformulaforcreatingwealth.Youand I need to realize that the value of anything is purely dependent upontechnology. Technology can turn awaste product into an invaluable resource.After all, there was a time when having oil on your land was a curse, buttechnologyturneditintoasourceofwealth.True wealth, Paul says, comes from the ability to practice what he calls"economicalchemy,"which is theability to takesomething thathasvery littlevalue and convert it into somethingof significantlygreater value. Inmedievaltimes,thosewhopracticedalchemyweretryingtoconvertleadintogold.Theyfailed.Butinattemptingthisprocess,theylaidthefoundationforthescienceofchemistry.Thosewhoarewealthytodayaretrulymodem-dayalchemists.Theyhavelearnedtotransform something common into something precious and have reaped theeconomicrewardsthatcomewiththistransformation.Whenyouthinkaboutit,doesn't themagnificent processing speedof a computer really reducedown todirt? After all, silicon comes from sand. Those who've taken ideas—merethoughts—and turned them into products and services are certainly practicingalchemy.Allwealthbeginsinthemind!Modem alchemy has been the source of financial success for the wealthiestpeople in theworld today,whether it isBillGates,RossPerot,SamWaltonorStevenJobs.Alloftheseindividualsfoundwaystotakeitemsofhiddenvalue—ideas, information, systems—and organize them in a way that would enablemore people to use them. As they added this value, they began to createtremendouseconomicempires.Let's reviewthefivefundamental lessonsforcreating lastingwealth.AndthenI'll immediatelyputyoutoworkonbeginningtotakecontrolofyourfinancialdestiny.1.Thefirstkeyistheabilitytoearnmoreincomethaneverbefore,theability

tocreatewealth.Ihaveasimplequestionforyou.Canyouearntwiceasmuchmoneyasyoudonowinthesameamountoftime?Canyouearnthreetimesas

much money? Ten times? Is it possible that you could earn 1,000 times theamountofmoneyyoudonowinthesameamountoftime?Absolutely!—ifyoufindawaytobeworth1,000timesmoretoyourcompanyoryourfellowman.Thekeytowealthistobemorevaluable.Ifyouhavemoreskills,moreability,moreintelligence,specializedknowledge,acapacitytodothingsfewotherscando,orifyoujustthinkcreativelyandcontributeonamassivescale,youcanearnmorethanyoueverthoughtpossible.Thesinglemostimportantandpotentwayto expand your income is to devise a way to consistently add real value topeople'slives,andyouwillprosper.Forexample,whyisadoctorpaidmorethanadoorman?Theanswer issimple: thedoctoraddsmorevalue.Hehasworkedharderanddevelopedhimselfsothatheisworthmoreintermsofhiscapacitytoaddmeasurablevaluetopeople'slives.Anyonecanopenadoor.Adoctoropensthedoorsoflife.Why are successful entrepreneurs sowell rewarded financially in our culture?It'sbecause theyaddmorevalue thanvirtuallyanyonearound them.Therearetwoprimarybenefitsthatentrepreneurscreate.First,theyobviouslyaddvaluetotheircustomersby increasing thequalityof their lives through theuseof theirproduct. This, by the way, is critical for any company to prosper. So often,companies forget that their real purpose forbeing is not just tomake aprofit.Whileaprofit isanabsolutemustforacompanytosurviveandflourish—likeeatingorsleeping,anecessity—it'snottherealpurpose.Thetruepurposeofanycorporationistocreateproductsandservicesthatincreasethequalityoflifeforallthecustomerstheyserve.Ifthisisachievedonaconsistentbasis,thenprofitisabsolutelyassured.However,acompanycanprofitintheshorttermandnotbehereinthelongtermifitdoesn'tcontinuallyaddvaluetopeople'slives.Thisholdstrueforcorporationsasmuchasindividuals.The second thing that entrepreneurs do is that, in creating their products, theycreatejobs.Becauseofthesejobs,theemployees'childrencangoontohighereducationandbecomedoctors,lawyers,teachers,socialworkers,andaddmorevaluetosocietyasawhole—nottomentionthefactthatthesefamiliesspendthemoney that they earnwith other vendors. The chain of value is never-ending.WhenRossPerotwasaskedforthesecretofhiswealth,hesaid,"WhatIcandoforthiscountryiscreatejobs.I'mprettygoodatthat,andLordknowsweneedthem."* The more value you contribute, the more you will earn if you putyourselfinthepositiontodoso.;The lesson issimple.Youdon'thave tobeanentrepreneur toaddmorevalue.Butwhatyoumustdoeverydayistocontinuallyexpandyourknowledge,yourskill, andyour ability togivemore.This iswhy self-education is so critical. Ibecame a very wealthy man at an extremely young age for one reason: I

masteredskillsandabilitiesthatcouldinstantaneouslyincreasethequalityoflifefor virtually anyone. Then I figured out a way to share that information andthoseskillswithahugenumberofpeopleinashortperiodoftime.Asaresult,Ihaveprosperednotonlyemotionally,butfinanciallyaswell.Ifyouwanttoearnmoremoneywhereyouaretoday,oneofthesimplestwaystodosoistoaskyourself,"HowcanIbeworthmoretothiscompany?Howcan1helpittoachievemoreinlesstime?HowcouldIaddatremendousamountofvaluetoit?AretheresomewaysthatIcouldhelpcutcostsandincreasequality?WhatnewsystemcouldIdevelop?WhatnewtechnologycouldIusethatwouldallowthecompanytoproduceitsproductsandservicesmoreeffectively?"Ifwecanhelppeopletodomorewithless,thenwetrulyareempoweringothers,andwewillbeempoweredeconomicallyaswell, as longasweputourselves inapositiontodoso.In our Financial Destiny seminars, participants brainstormways they can addmore value and therefore increase their income. We ask them to considerwhethertheyhaveresourcesthey'vebeenfailingtouse.Thekeyquestiontoaskyourself is:HowcouldIhelp touchmore lives?HowcouldIdo itatadeeperlevel?HowcouldIgiveabetterqualityofproductorservice?Inevitably,somepeople will say, "There's no way that I could add-more value; I'm alreadyworking sixteen hours a day as it is!" Remember, I didn't suggest you workharder or even that you need to work smarter.What I'm asking is what newresourcescouldyouemploythatcouldaddmorevaluetootherpeople?For example, I remember a massage therapist who was one of the mostsuccessful in his field in the SanDiego area, and hewanted to knowhowhecouldincreasehisearningswhenhewasbookedsolid.Hecouldn'tseeonemorepersonaday,andhewasalreadycharging thehighest rates inhis field.Ashebegantobrainstormnewideas,focusingonhowhecouldtaketheresourceshehadtohelphispatientsandothers,hebegantorealizethatifhecouldteamupwith someonewho owned a physical-therapy unit, and refer his patients whoneededhelp,hecouldreceiveareferralfee.Hisincomeisnowalmostdouble,workingthesamenumberofhoursaday.Allhedidwasfindawaytoaddmorevalue to bothhis doctors andhis clients.Sinceheknew thedoctorswell, andthey understood his form of therapy, there was a greater consistency of carebetweenthem,andhebenefitedfinanciallyintheprocess.In Phoenix, Arizona, one of the top radio salespersons is a woman whoseprimarymarketing strategy is notmerely to sell radio time, but to constantlylookforopportunitiestohelplocalcompaniesprosper.Forexample,theminuteshehearsthatanewshoppingcenterisgoingtobebuilt,shecontactspotentialvendors for the shopping center and lets them know about the opportunity,

allowingthemtogetajumponthemarket.Shethencontactsthedeveloper,andintroduces herself as a radio-station representative who works with people intheir industry all the time. Would the developer like to see a list of the topvendorsintheirfields?Outof this strategy, several things result.She's addingvaluebeyond the radiotimepeoplewouldpurchase topromote theircompanies.She's foundaway togivethemmuchmorethananyoneelsearound,sotheyusuallybuyasignificantportion, if not all, of their radio time from her. This motivates them toreciprocatevalueforvalue.Thisdoesnotrequireagreatdealofhertime,butitmakeshermorevaluable toher customers than anyother radio salesperson intheregion,andherincomereflectsit.Evenifyouworkinalargecorporation,youcanaddmorevalue.Irememberawomanwhowasaclaimsprocessorforahospital.Shesawhowslowlythingsweregoingand,knowingthatclaimsprocessingwastheeconomiclifelineofthehospital, shediscovered that she couldbemuchmore efficient andpotentiallyprocessfourtofivetimesasmanyclaimsasshehadpreviously.Sheaskedhersupervisors, if she could do thework of five people,would they increase hersalaryby50percent?Theysaidthatifsheprovedshecouldconsistentlyproduceresults over a period of time, theywould do so. Since then, not only has sheincreasedjobefficiencyandherincome,shehasanewfoundsenseofpride.Thekeytoincreasingyourincomewithyourcompanyisrememberingthatyoucan'tjustincreasethequalityofwhatyou'redoingby50percentandexpecta50percentincreaseinincome.Acompanymustprofit.Thequestiontoaskyourselfis,"HowcanIincreasethevalueofwhatIdobytentofifteentimes7'Ifyoudothis,inmostcasesyou'llhavenotroubleincreasingyourincome.THEDISTRIBUTIONWAVEOFTHEFUTUREOneofthemostpowerfulwaysofaddingvalueintheninetiesandbeyondis

understandingthatintoday'ssociety,wealthiscreatedbydistribution.Productsand services are changing constantly, but those who've figured a way to takesomethingof tremendousvalueanddeliver it toamassnumberofpeoplewillprosper.Thishasbeen the secretof the richestman in theUnitedStates,SamWalton.Hebecamewealthybycreatingadistributionsystem.RossPerotdidthesame thing with information at EDS. If you can figure out how to takesomethingthatalreadyhasgreatvalueanddistributeittopeople,ordistributeitatalowercost,thenyou'vefoundanotherwayofaddingvalue.Addingvalueisnot just creating products; it's finding a way to make sure that more peopleexperienceanincreaseinthequalityoflife.

Butofcourse,ifwereallythinkaboutit,youandIknowwhypeopledon'tdowellfinancially.Yes,theyhavelimitingbeliefs.Butmoreimportantly,there'sacorebeliefthatmostpeoplehave:theyshouldgetsomethingfornothing.Mostpeople,forexample,expecttheirincometogroweachandeveryyear,whetherthey'veincreasedtheircontributiontotheircompanyornot.Raisesshouldbetiedtoincreasedvalue,andwecaneasilyincreaseourvalueaslongasweeducateourselvesandexpandourrepertoireofskills.Anycompanythat continuallygivespeople raiseswithout its employees findingways toaddmorevalueisacompanythat'sgoingdeeperintheholeandwilleventuallyfinditselfeconomicallytroubledordestroyed.Ifyou'reaskingforaraise,you'vegottofindawaytoaddatleasttentimesmorevaluethanwhatyou'reaskingforinreturn.Companies, too, must realize that as they're looking to invest in equipment,equipment gives a limited return. As Paul Pilzer says, labor is capital. Ifsomeonemakes $50,000 a year and can generate $500,000 in value,why notfakethispersonandincreasetheirskill,ability,talent,attitude,andeducation,sothattheycanaddamilliondollarsinvalue?A$50,000investmentthatbringsa$1millionreturnisavery,veryvaluableasset.Thereisnobetterinvestmentthatcompaniescanmakethanintheeducationanddevelopmentoftheirownpeople."Wealthistheproductofman'scapacitytothink."

AYNRANDForyears Ihelpedpeople throughout thenation increase thequalityof their

livesbytakingideasthatwerevaluableanddeliveringtheminawaythatpeoplecouldtrulyutilizethem.Bycreatingatechnologyforchangeanddeliveringitinan impactful way, I prospered. But my prosperity exploded when one day Iaskedmyself,"HowcanIreachmorepeoplethaneverbefore?HowcanIreachpeoplewhileIsleep?"Asaresultofthoseempoweringquestions,IdiscoveredawaytoexpandmyinfluenceinawaythatIhadneverevenconsideredbefore:byofferingmyaudiotapesthroughtelevision.Thatwas twoyearsago.Since that time,we'venowdistributedover7millionaudiotapesofmyPersonalPowerprogramaroundtheworld,sharingideasandinformationthatcontinuetoimpactpeopletwenty-fourhoursaday!MypartnersatCassetteProductionsestimatethat,inthelasttwenty-fourmonths,theamountoftapethat'sbeenusedtocarrymymessageisenoughtocircletheearthtwentytimesattheequator!Intheprocess,I'vehadthejoyofknowingthatwenotonlyimpactthequality of life for all thosewho have used our tapes, butwe've also providedabout75,000hoursofemploymentinthemanufacturingprocess.Thisdoesnot

includeallthehoursthatothervendorshavespentaswell.You'veheardmanyexamplesofhowaddingvaluecreateswealth.Theformulaissimple and powerful. Ask yourself, "How can I add more value to anyenvironment I'm in?" In your work environment, ask yourself the question,"How have Imade or savedmy companymoney in the last twelvemonths?"True contribution makes life richer, so don't limit yourself to adding valuestrictly forpersonalgain.Howcanyouaddmorevalue inyourhome, inyourchurch,inyourschool,inyourcommunity?Ifyoucanfigureoutawaytoaddatleast ten times more value than what you're looking for, you'll always feelfulfilled.Imaginewhatlifewouldbelikeifeveryonefollowedyourexample.2. The second key is tomaintain your wealth. Once you have an effective

strategyforaccumulatingwealth,forearninglargesumsofmoney,howdoyoumaintain it?Contrary topopularopinion,youcan'tmaintainwealth simplybycontinuing to earnmoney.We've all heardof the famouspeoplewho'vemadefortunesandlostthemovernight:theathleteswhosetalentallowedthemtomakehuge sums but who have created lifestyles that depleted it the moment theirincome changed. When their income dropped, they often had tremendousdemandsthattheycouldn'tpossiblymeet,andtheylostitall.There'sonlyonewaytomaintainyourwealth,andthatissimplythis:spendlessthanyouearn,andinvestthedifference.Withoutquestion,althoughthisisnotaverysexyprinciple,itistheonlywaytosecurewealthoverthelongterm.Whatnever ceases to amazeme, though, is to see that nomatter howmuchmoneypeopleearn,theyseemtofindawaytospendit.TheannualincomesofpeoplewhoattendourFinancialDestinyseminarsrangefrom$30,000upto$2million,withtheaveragebeingaround$100,000.Peoplefromeventhehighest-earningcategories are often "broke." Why? Because they make all their economicdecisionsbasedontheshorttermratherthanthelongterm.Theyhavenoclear-cutspendingplan,muchlessaninvestmentplan.They'reonacourseforNiagaraFalls.Theonlypossibleway tobuildwealth is topicka specificpercentageofyourincome that youwill invest eachyear up front.Now,manypeople know this;we've all heard about the virtues of saving a minimum of 10 percent andinvesting it. But very few people do it—and, interestingly enough, very fewpeoplearewealthy!Thebestwaytoinsurethatyou'llbeabletomaintainyourwealthistohave10percenttakenoutofyourpaycheckandinvestedbeforeyouevenseeit.To maintain your wealth, you must take control of your spending. But don'tdevelop a budget; develop a spending plan. How's that for Transformational

Vocabulary?Truly, if a budget is done effectively, it is a spending plan. It's ameansforyou—orifyou'remarried,youandyourspouse—todecidewhatyouwant to spendmoneyon in advance rather thanget caughtup in themoment.Too often opportunities come up and out of a sense of urgency we makedecisionsthatlateronweregret.Icanalsotellyouthatifyouandyourspousegetaclearplanforhowmuchyouneedtospendeachmonthineachcategoryofyourlife,youcansaveyourselfalotofarguments.Unfortunately,mostAmericanslivefarbeyondtheirmeans.In1980,Americansowedover$54billiononcreditcards.By theendof1988, the totalhadmorethan tripled to over $172 billion! This is a system that guarantees financialdisaster. Be intelligent: spend less than you earn, and youwill maintain yourwealth.Youmayask,"Butwon'tmyinvestmentscausemetogrow?"Yes,butyou'llalsohave to deal with inflation. You must go to the third step of creating lastingwealth.3.Thethirdkeyistoincreaseyourwealth.Howdoyouaccomplishthis?You

addanothersimpleyetpowerfulfactortotheequationIjustexplained.Inordertobecomewealthy,youmustspendlessthanyouearn,investthedifference,andreinvestyourreturnsforcompoundedgrowth.Mostpeoplehaveheardabouttheexponentialpowerofcompounding,butveryfewunderstandit.Compoundingallowsyoutoputyourselfinapositionwhereyourmoneygoestoworkforyou.Mostofusworkourentire livestofuel themachines of our lifestyles. Those who succeed financially are those who setasideacertainpercentageoftheirmoney,investit,andcontinuetoreinvesttheirprofitsuntiltheyproduceasourceofincomethatislargeenoughtoprovideforalltheirneedswithouteverhavingtoworkagain.Wecallthisaccumulationofcapitalthatfreesyoufromthenecessityofworkcriticalmass.Thepaceatwhichyou achieve your financial independence is in direct proportion to yourwillingnesstoreinvest—notspend—theprofitsofyourpastinvestments.Inthisway,the"offspring"ofyourdollarswillgrowandmultiplyuntilyouhaveasolideconomicbase.Letmeofferyouasimpleanddramaticexampleofthepowerofcompounding.Ifyoufoldaclothnapkin(1/32ofaninchthick)uponitselfonce,howthickisit? Obviously, it is 1/16 of an inch. Folded upon itself a second time, itsthicknessmeasures1/8ofaninch.Onthethirdfold,itequals1/4ofaninch.Onthe fourth, 1/2 of an inch, and by the fifth fold, the thickness equals 1 inch.Here'smyquestionforyou:Howmanytimeswouldyouneedtofoldthisnapkinupon itself (compound it)before its thicknesswould touch themoon?Here'sa

clue:themoonis237,305milesaway.Amazingly,you'dreachthemoononthethirty-ninthfold.Byyourfiftiethfold,theoretically,thethicknessofyournap-kinwouldbeenoughtogotothemoonandback1,179times!Thisisthepowerof compounding. Most people don't realize that a small amount of moneycompoundedthroughtimecanbeworthafortune.You might say, "This is wonderful. I'd love to begin compounding myinvestments,buthowdoIknowwhattoinvestin?"There is no simple answer to this question. You must first decide what yourfinancial goals are.What do you want to accomplish, and in what period oftime? What's your risk tolerance, the amount of risk that you're comfortablewith? Without a clear understanding of your desires, your needs, and yourpotentialconcerns,whattoinvestinisnotclear.Often,would-beinvestorsallowfinancial experts to advise themeven though these experts frequently havenoideawhattheirclients'trueneedsare.Themostimportantthingyou'lleverdoinyourfinanciallifeistodecidetotrulyunderstand the various types of investments andwhat their potential risks andreturns are. Responsible advisors will make certain that all of their clientsthoroughlyunderstandthekindsofinvestmentsthatareavailableandthattheytake part in the development of their own financial plans.Without a clear-cutinvestment plan, you will eventually fail financially. According to financialnewsletter editor Dick Fabian, "Evidence shows that investors—investors inanything—makenomoneyoveraten-yearperiod.Thereareseveralreasonsforthistragicstatistic,including:1)Notsettingagoal;2)Chasingaftertrendyinvestments;3)Relyingonreportsfromthefinancialpress;4)Blindlytakingadvicefrombrokersorfinancialplanners;5)Makingemotionalmistakes,andsoon.Fortunately,theanswerstoyourfinancialquestionsareeasilyaccessible.They'reavailable in books from the masters, from the Peter Lynches to the RobertPrechters to theWarrenBuffets, and there are effective financial coacheswhocan assist you in developing a plan that will help you to meet your lifelongfinancialneeds.Makecertain,sincefinancesplaysuchalargeroleintheamountof pain or pleasure you have in your life, that you model the best financialpeople.Ifyoudon't,you'regoingtoexperiencepain.Ifyoudo,youcanhavealevel of financial abundance that's far beyond what you've ever dreamed ofbefore.Nowthatyou'vereallybeguntocreateandexpandyourwealth,you'rereadyforthefourthkeyelementtofinancialsuccess.

4.Thefourthkeyistoprotectyourwealth.Somanypeoplewhohavewealthareequallyormoreinsecuretodaywithanabundanceofmoneythantheywerewhen they had none. People often feel less securewhen they think they havemoretolose.Why?It'sbecausetheyknowthatinanymoment,someonecouldsuethemforcompletelyunfairorunjustreasons,anddecimatetheirassets.Would you like to know how bad the current climate is in theUnited States?AccordingtoanarticleintheLondonFinancialTimes,June22,1991,ofallthelawsuits that were filed around the world in 1988 and 1989, a staggering 94percentwerefiledintheUnitedStatesalone.Thereare18millionlawsuitsfiledperyear;infact,currentstatisticsfromtheAmericanBarAssociationshowthatifyou live inCaliforniaandmakemore than$50,000ayear, there isalmostaone-in-fourchancethatyouwillbesued.|FromtheEuropeanperspective,itseemsthatAmericansarealwayslookingforsomeone to blamewhen anything goes wrong, and this is the genesis of thisincrediblenumberoflawsuits.Theseareharshwords,but,unfortunately,they'retrue.Thisattitudeisnotfoundanywhereelseintheworld,andit isdestroyingournationeconomically,tyingupourtime,capital,andenergyinwastefulandnonproductive ways. For example, as recently reported in The Wall StreetJournal,amanwhowasdriving his vehiclewhile drunk tried tomove the shotgun on the seat next tohim, and it accidentally discharged and killed him. His widow, rather thanacknowledgeherhusband's inebriated state, sued the shotgunmanufacturer for$4million on the grounds that the gun did not have safety devices for drunkdrivers,andwon!Knowingthatthewealththatthey'vespentyearsofintenseworktocreatecouldbeclaimedbypeoplewhohavenorighttoitunderstandablymakesmostpeoplefeeledgy.Itmakesthemwaryoftheliabilityofbusinessandoftenimpactstheirfollow-throughoninvestmentdecisions.However,thegoodnewsisthattherearelegalavenuesforprotectingyourassetsas long as you're not currently involved in a lawsuit. This philosophy ofprotecting your assets is not one of trying to avoid your legitimate debts, butsimplytoprotectyourselffromfrivolousattacks.Peoplewithdishonestmotiveswillsueyouforonlyoneoftworeasons:becausetheywantashareofyour insurance,or theywant toseizeyourassets. If thereare no assets to touch, it'smuchmore difficult for them to retain an attorneybasedmerelyonacontingency fee. Ifyouact judiciously inadvance,youcanprotectyourassets,andtheguidelinesfordoingsoareveryclearandconcise.Inmyquesttounderstandfinances,IbegantostudytheJohnTempletonsoftheworld andbegan to gain distinctions onhow they structure their finances in a

waythatprotectstheirassetsfromillegitimateclaims.As inanysituation in life, it's important to findoutwhat the"bigplayers"aredoing, andmodel their evaluationprocedures and strategies. I spent twoyearspursuing and understanding the best asset-protection systems available in theUnitedStatesforthedoctorclienteleofmyFortuneManagementcompany.Onecommonmisperceptionisthatassetprotectioninvolvesmysteryanddeceit.Thereality is thathonesty is thebestpolicy.Yourassetsdonotneed tobehidden,justprotected.Ifassetprotectionisnotamajorconcernforyoutoday,itwillbeasyoubegintobuildyourwealth.Justknowthattherearemanythingsyoucandotomakechangesinthisarea.5.Thefifthkeyistoenjoyyourwealth.Somanypeoplehavegonethrough

the first four stages. They've figured out how to earn wealth by adding realvalue.They'vediscoveredhow tomaintain it by spending less than theywereearning.They'vemasteredtheanofinvestingandareexperiencingthebenefitsof compounded interest. And they now know how to protect their assets, butthey're still not happy; they feel empty. The reason is that they have not yetrealizedthatmoneyisnottheend;it'sonlyameans.YouandImustmakesurethatwefindawaytoshareitspositiveimpactwiththepeoplewecareabout,orthemoneywill havenovalue.Whenyoudiscoverways to contribute that areproportionatetoyourincome,youwilltapintooneofthegreatestjoysinlife.Icantellyouthatunlessyoulinkacertainlevelofpleasuretocreatingvalueandearningmoney, you'll never keep it long term.Most peoplewait until they'veaccumulatedacertainamountofmoneytostartenjoyingthemselves.This isagreatway to teach your brain to link pain towealth creation. Instead, rewardyourself emotionally along theway.Occasionally, youneed togiveyourself ajackpot (aswe talkedabout inChapter6),whereyougiveyourselfa financialsurprise so that your brain is taught that earning money is enjoyable andrewarding.Also,rememberthepowerandvalueoftithing.Icantellyouthatmyfinancialworldbegan to turnaround theday Igavea littlemore than twentydollars tosomeonewhenIreallydidn'thavethetwentydollarstogive.Thatday,Ifeltsogoodaboutmyselfthatthefeelingsalonetransformedmyperformanceandmycapacity to earn even more. Most people say, "I'll tithe when I have moremoney."Butwhichdoyouthinkwouldbemoredifficult todo:togiveadimeoutofadollarortogive$100,000outofamillion?Theanswerisobvious,isn'tit?I'mnotsuggestingthat10percentisafigurethatshouldbeetchedinstone,butdomakeacommitmenttoconsistentlytakeaportionofwhatyouearnandgiveitinawaythatgivesyoujoy.Thebeautyoftithingisthatbygivingaway

aportionofwhatyouearn,youareteachingyourbrainthatyouhavemorethanenough.You'llbebeyondscarcity,andthatbeliefsystemalonewillchangeyourlife.True wealth is an emotion: it's a sense of absolute abundance . Our heritagealonemakes uswealthy.Wehave the privilegeof enjoyinggreatworks of artthatwedidn'tpaint,musicwedidn'tcompose,greateducationalinstitutionswedidn'tbuild.Feelthewealthofthenation'sparksthatyouown.Knowthatyou'reawealthypersonnow,andenjoythatwealth.Realizethatthisisapartofyourabundance,andthisfeelingofgratitudewillallowyoutocreateevenmore.Letmesimplysay this toyou inclosing:changingyourbeliefsandmasteringyour finances can be an incredibly rewarding experience in personaldevelopment.Commityourselfnowtobegintheprocess."Charityandpersonalforcearetheonlyinvestments."

WALTWHITMANToday'sAssignment:

1.Takealookatyourbeliefs,seeifthereareanythatareoutofalignment,andchangethemwithNAC.2.Instituteaprocessforaddingmorevalueinyourplaceofemployment,onamajorscale,whetheryou'repaidforitornot.Addtentimesmorevaluethanyoudocurrentlyandpreparefortheprocessionaleffectsofyouractions.3.Commit to save aminimumof 10percent, andhave it deducted fromyourcheckandinvestedinyourplannedportfolio.4.Getsomegoodcoaching.WhetheryoucontactourFinancialDestinyGroupprofessionals, or your own local financial "coach,"make certain thatwhoeverworks with you helps you to develop a detailed financial plan that youunderstand.Pickupsomegreatfinancialbooks.Therearemanythatcanteachyouhowtomakeintelligent,informedinvestmentdecisions.5. If you're concerned about your assets being under attack, take action todevelopanasset-protectionplan.6. Create a small jackpot to start the process of linking pleasure to financialsuccess. Who could you do something special for? What could you do foryourselfasreinforcementforgettingstartedtoday?Nowyou'rereadyto...

BEIMPECCABLE:YOURCODEOFCONDUCTYour Outcome: Is it possible to have great values, to have all your rules

alignedtosupportthem,tobeaskingyourselftherightquestions,andnottobeliving your values in the moment? If you're being honest with yourself, youknowtheanswerisyes.Allofusatonetimeoranotherhaveleteventscontrolus, instead of controlling our states or our decisions as to what those eventsmean.Weneedaclear-cutwaytoensurethatweconsistentlylivethevaluestowhichwe'vecommittedourselves,andawayofmeasuringwhetherornotwe'reactuallyachievingthatvalueonadailybasis.Theyoungmanhadachievedenormoussuccessby the timehewas twenty-

sevenyearsold.Hewasverybright,well-read,andhefeltlikehehadtheworldby the tail. But one day he realized something: he wasn't very happy.' Manypeopledislikedhimbecausetheyperceivedhimashaughtyandoverbearing.Hefelt that he was no longer in command of his life's direction, much less hisultimatedestiny.Hedecidedthathewouldtakecontrolofhislifebysettingahigherstandardforhimself, developing a strategy to achieve that higher standard, and creating asystemsothathecouldmeasurehisresultsdaily.Hebeganbyselectingtwelve"virtues"—twelve states that he wanted to experience every day—that he feltwouldtakehislifeinthedirectionhewanted.Thenhetookouthisjournalandwrotedownalltwelvestates,andnexttothislisthecreatedagridofallthedaysofthemonth."EverytimeIviolateanyoneofthesevirtues,"hesaid,"Iwillputasmallblackdotnexttothatvalueforthatday.Mygoalistohavenoblackdotsonmychart.ThenIwillknowIamtrulylivingthesevirtues."Hewassoproudofhisideathatheshowedhisjournalandexplainedhissystemtoafriend.Hisfriendsaid,"Great!OnlyIthinkyoushouldaddhumilitytoyourlistofvirtues."AndBenjaminFranklinlaughedandaddedthe13thvirtuetohislist.I remember reading this story fromBenFranklin's autobiography in a beat-uphotel roominMilwaukee. Iwasonan intenseschedule, facing theprospectofdoingseveral radioand television talkshows,abooksigning,anda freeguestevent. The night beforemeeting all these obligations I decided, "Okay, you'rehere,somakethebestofit.Atleastyoucanfeedyourmind."Ihadveryrecentlycomeupwiththeideaofvaluesandtheirhierarchies,andI

hadcreatedwhatI thoughtwasagreat listofvaluesformyself,onethatIfeltgood about living.But as I reflected uponBen's list of virtues, I toldmyself,"Yes,youhaveloveasavalue,butareyoubeinglovingrightnow?Contributionis one of your top values, but are you contributing in thismoment?"And theanswerwasno.Ihadgreatvalues,butIwasn'tmeasuringwhetherornotIwastrulylivingthemonamoment-to-momentbasis.IknewIwasalovingperson,butasIlookedback,IsawalotofmomentswhenIwasn'tbeingloving!Isatdownandaskedmyself,"WhatstateswouldIbeinifIweremyhighestandbest? What states will I commit to being every single day, no matter what?Regardless of the environment, regardless of whatever challenges break loosearoundme,Iwillbethesestatesatleastonceeveryday!"ThestatestowhichIcommitted myself included being friendly, happy, loving, outgoing, playful,powerful,generous,outrageous,passionate,andfun.Someofthesestateswerethesameasmyvalues,andsomeofthemweren't.ButIknewthatifItrulylivedeachofthesestateseveryday,Iwouldbelivingmyvaluescontinually.Asyoucanimagine,itwasaprettyexcitingprocess!Thenextday,asIappearedon theradioandTVtalkshows, Ideliberatelyputmyself into these states. I was happy, loving, powerful, funny, and I felt thatwhatIsaidanddidmadeacontribution,notonlytomyhosts,buttothepeoplewhowerelisteningandwatching.ThenIwentdowntothelocalshoppingmallfor a book signing. When I got there, the manager approached me with adistressedexpressionandsaid, "There'sa slightproblem,Mr.Robbins . . . theannouncement that you're going to be here signing books is coming out intomorrow'spaper!"Now,ifthishadhappenedbeforeI'dreadaboutBenFranklin'slist,Imighthavereacted in a rather uniqueway.Butwithmy new list inmind I thought, "I'mcommittedtolivinginthesestatesnomatterwhat.WhatagreattesttoseeifI'mtrulylivingmypersonalcodeeveryday!",SoIwalkedovertothebook-signingtable and looked around.Nobodywas there; only a few peoplewere strollingthroughthemall.HowcouldIcreateexcitementwherenoneseemedtoexist?Thefirst thingthatpoppedintomymindwasoutrageousness.Afterall,oneofthestatesonmylistwastobeoutrageous.SoIpickedupacopyofmybook.Unlimited Power, and started reading it and making all kinds of interestingnoises:"Ooooh!Aaaah!Wow,isthattrue?"Soonawomanwalkedby,wasattractedbymyenthusiasmforwhatclearlyhadtobeabrilliantbook,andstoppedtoseewhatIwasreading.Iravedtoheraboutthis incredible book, and pointed out all of the best stories and techniques.Someoneelse stopped to seewhat all thehubbubwasabout, thena fewotherfolks joinedus, andwithin around twentyminutes, about twenty-five to thirty

peoplewerecrowdingaroundmetohearaboutthegreatbookIhadfound.Finally,Isaid,"Andyouknowthebestthingofall?Ihappentobeagoodfriendoftheauthor!"Thefirstwoman'seyeslitup:"Really?"Iheldupthebookjacketwithmypictureonthebackandsaid,"Lookfamiliar?"Shegasped,andlaughed,andsodidalltheotherpeople.Isatdownandstartedsigningbooks.Thatafternoonturnedouttobeaterrificsuccess,andallofushadfun.Insteadoflettingeventscontrolmyactionsandperceptions,IhadconsciouslychosentolivebywhatInowcallmyCodeofConduct.Ialsohadthetremendoussenseofsatisfactionofknowingthatbylivinginthesestates—bybeingwhoItrulyam—Iwasmeetingmyvaluesinthemoment."Goputyourcreedintoyourdeed."

RALPHWALDOEMERSONBenFranklinandIaren'ttheonlypeoplewhohaveCodesofConduct.What

doyouthinktheTenCommandmentsareallabout?OrtheBoyScouts'Oath?OrtheAmericanServiceman'sCode ofConduct?How about theOptimists'ClubCreed?Oneway to create your own code is to review codes of conduct thatalreadyexist....OPTIMISTS'CLUBCREEDPromiseyourself...

Tobesostrongthatnothingcandisturbyourpeaceofmind.Totalkhealth,happiness,prosperitytoeverypersonyoumeet.Tomakeallyourfriendsfeelthatthereissomethingofvalueinthem.Tolookatthesunnysideofeverythingandmakeyouroptimismcometrue.Tothinkonlythebest,toworkonlyforthebest,andtoexpectthebest.Tobejustasenthusiasticaboutthesuccessofothersasyouareaboutyourown.Toforgetthemistakesofthepastandpressontothegreaterachievementsofthefuture.Towearacheerfulcountenanceatall timesandgiveeverylivingcreatureyoumeetasmile.Togivesomuchtimetotheimprovementofyourselfthatyouhavenotimetocriticizeothers.Tobetoolargeforworry,toonobleforanger,toostrongforfear,andtoohappytopermitpresenceoftrouble.WhenJohnWooden,thegreatUCLAbasketballcoach,graduatedfromgrade

school at age twelve, his father gave him a seven-point creed. John says thiscreedhasbeenoneofthemostpowerfulinfluencesonhisentirelifeandcareer.It'sacreedhestilllivesbyeverysingleday:

JOHNWOODEN'SSEVEN-POINTCREED:"MAKINGTHEMOSTOFONESELF"1.Betruetoyourself.2.Makeeachdayyourmasterpiece.3.Helpothers.4.Drinkdeeplyfromgoodbooks.5.Makefriendshipafineart.6.Buildashelteragainstarainyday.7.Prayforguidanceandgivethanksforyourblessingseveryday."Youcanpreachabettersermonwithyourlifethanwithyourlips."

OLIVERGOLDSMITHToday'sAssignment:

1.Makealistofthestatesyouarecommittedtoexperiencingeverydayinordertoliveinaccordancewithyourhighestprinciplesandvalues.Makesurethelistislongenoughtogiveyourlifetherichnessandvarietyyoudeserve,yetshortenough that you can truly be in these states every day!Most people find thatanywherefromseventotenisoptimum.What stateswould you like to be in on a consistent basis?Happy?Dynamic?Friendly?Connected?Cheerful?Grateful?Passionate?Balanced?Adventurous?Amusing?Outrageous?Generous?Elegant?Someof these statesmightbe thesameassomeofyourmoving-towardvalues,andsomeofthemmightbethingsthatyoufeelwillleadyoutowardlivingyourvalueseveryday.2. After you have compiled your list, write a sentence next to each onedescribinghowyouwillknowyouaredoingit—inotherwords,yourrulesforthesestates; forexample:"IambeingcheerfulwhenIsmileatpeople";"IambeingoutrageouswhenIdosomethingtotallyunexpectedandfun";"IambeinggratefulwhenIrememberallthegoodthingsIhaveinmylife."3.Makethecommitmenttoyourselftogenuinelyexperienceeachofthesestatesatleastonceaday.YoumightwanttowriteyourCodeofConductonapieceofpaperandput it inyourwalletoronyourdeskatworkorbyyourbed.Everynow and then, during the course of the day, take a look at your list and askyourself, "Which of these states have I already experienced today?Which ofthemhaven'tIhadyet,andhowamIgoingtoaccomplishitbytheendof theday?"IfyoutrulycommittoyourCodeofConduct,imaginehowincredibleyouwillfeel!You'llnolongerbecontrolledbyevents;you'llknowthat,nomatterwhathappensaroundyou,youcanmaintainyoursenseofyourselfandliveuptothevision you've created. There is a tremendous pride that comes with holding

yourself to a higher standard and knowing that each day you alone willdeterminehowyoufeel,thatyouwillconductyourselfonlyatthehighestlevel.WayneDyer recently shared agreatmetaphorwithme relating tohowpeopleblame theway theybehaveon thepressure they're feeling.He said, "Pressuredoesn'tcreatenegativebehavior.Thinkofyourselfasanorange.Ifanorangeissqueezed, if all thispressure isbeingapplied from theoutside,whathappens?Juicecomesout, right?But theonlythingthatcomesoutwhenthepressure isappliediswhat'salreadyinsidetheorange."I believe that you decidewhat's on the inside by holding yourself to a higherstandard. So when the pressure's on, what's going to come out is the "goodstuff."Afterall,youcannotalwayscountoneasysailing.It'suptoyoutolivebyyourCodeofConductandcommityourselftotheprincipleofCANI!inordertokeepatruebearingonyourcourse.Remember,it'swhoyouareeveryday—thesmallactionsaswellasthemostgrandiose—thatbuildyourcharacterandformyouridentity.Oneofthemostimportantactionsyoucantakeistolearnto...

MASTERYOURTIMEANDYOURLIFE–DAYSIXYourOutcome:Learnhowtousetimetoyouradvantageratherthanallowing

ittoruleyourlevelsofsatisfactionandstress.If you've ever felt stress—andwho hasn't?—chances are excellent that it's

becauseyoufeltyoujustdidn'thaveenoughtimetodowhatyouwantedtoatthe level of quality to which you were committed. You could be feeling thisfrustration,forexample,becauseyou'refocusingexclusivelyonthedemandsofthemoment:presentrequests,presentchallenges,presentevents.Inthisstressedand overloaded state, your effectiveness is rapidly diminished.The solution issimple: Take control of the time frame you're focusing upon. It the present isstressful, then become more resourceful in dealing with your challenges byfocusingon the futureand thesuccessfulcompletionor resolutionof the tasksbeforeyou. This new focus will instantly change your state and give you the veryresourcesyouneedtoturnthingsaroundinthepresent.Stress is so often the result of feeling "stuck" in a particular time frame.Oneexampleofthisiswhenapersonkeepsthinkingoftheirfutureindisempoweringways.Youcanhelp thispersonoryourselfbygettingthemtorefocusonwhattheycancontrolinthepresent.Orsomepeople,whenthey'recalledupontotakeon a challenge, begin to focus exclusively on their past poor performance.Asthey remain in the past, their stress increases. A shift to the present, or ananticipation of a positive future, could instantly change their emotional state.Ouremotions, then,arepowerfully impactedbythetimeframeinwhichwe'reoperatingatthemoment.Sooftenweforgetthattimeisamentalconstruct,thatitiscompletelyrelative,and that our experience of time is almost exclusively the result of ourmentalfocus.Howlongisalongtime,forexample?Italldependsuponthesituation,doesn'tit?Standinginlineformorethan10minutescanseemlikeaneternity,whileanhourofmakinglovecanpassalltooquickly.Ourbeliefsalsofilterourperceptionoftime.Forsomepeople,regardlessofthesituation,twentyminutesisalifetime.Forothers,alongtimeisacentury.Canyou imagine how these people walk differently talk differently, look at theirgoalsdifferently,andhowstressedtheymightbeiftheyweretryingtodealwithone another while operating out of completely different frames of reference?

This iswhy timemastery is a life skill.Theability to flexyour experienceoftimeistheabilitytoshapeyourexperienceoflife.{Fortoday'sexercises,let'sbrieflyreviewandapplythree"time-saving"tips.I.THEABILITYTODISTORTTIMEAfter you've mastered the ability to change time frames by changing your

focus,you're ready tomoveon to the secondmajor skill of timemastery, andthat is theability todistort timeso thataminutefeels likeanhour,oranhourlikeaminute.Haven'tyounoticed thatwhenyoubecome totally engrossed insomething,youlosetrackoftime?Why?Becauseyounolongerfocusuponit.You make fewer measurements of it. You're focused on something enjoyableand,therefore,timepassesmorerapidly.Rememberthatyou'reincontrol.Directyour focus and consciously choose how to measure your time. If you areconstantly checking your watch, then time seems to crawl. Once again, yourexperienceoftimeiscontrolledbyyourfocus.Howdoyoudefineyouruseoftime?Are you spending it,wasting it, or killing it? It's been said that "killingtimeisnotmurder;it'ssuicide."II.AMATTEROFIMPORTANCE

Thethird,andperhapsthemostcriticaldistinctionofall,isanunderstandingofhowurgencyandimportancecontrolyourdecisionsaboutwhattodowithyourtime,andthereforeyourlevelofpersonalfulfillment.WhatdoImean?Letmeaskyouthis:Haveyoueverworkedyourtailoff,completedeverysinglethingonyour"todo"list,butattheendofthedaystillfeltunfulfilled?That'sbecauseyoudideverythingthatwasurgentanddemandedyourattentioninthemoment,butyoudidn'tdowhatwasimportant—thethingsthatwouldmakeadifferencelong-term.Conversely,haveyoueverhaddayswhenyougotonlyafewthingsdonebutat theendfelt that thiswasadaythathadreallymattered?Thesearethe days when you've focused on what's important rather than what urgentlyneededyourattention.Urgencyseemstocontrolourlives.Thephonerings,andwe'redoingsomething important,butwe"have to"pick itup.Afterall,what ifwemissedoutonsomething?Thisisaclassicexampleofhandlingwhat'surgent—afterall,youmightmissoutonahigh-poweredphoneconversationwithacomputerizedsurveyor!Ontheotherhand,webuyabookthatweknowcanmakeadifferenceinourlives,yetputoffreadingittimeandagainbecausewe"justcan'tsqueezeitin"betweenopeningthemail,fillingthegastank,andwatchingthenewsonTV.Theonlyway to trulymasteryour time is toorganizeyour scheduleeachdaytospendthemajorityofitdoingthingsthatareimportantratherthanurgent.

III.SAVEYOURSELFYEARSThemostpowerfulwayI'velearnedtocompresstimeistolearnthroughotherpeople's experience. We can never truly master time as long as our primarystrategy for learning and mastering our world is based upon trial and error.Modeling thosewho've already succeeded can save youyears of pain.This iswhyI'mavoraciousreaderandacommittedstudentoftapesandseminars.I'vealways seen these experiences as necessities, not accessories, and they havegivenmethewisdomofdecadesofexperienceandthesuccessthatresultsfromit.Ichallengeyoutolearnfromotherpeople'sexperiencesasoftenasyoucan,andtoutilizewhateveryoulearn."Wehavetimeenoughifwewillbutuseitaright."

JOHANNWOLFGANGVONGOETHEToday'sAssignment:

1.Throughoutthisday,begintoexplorechangingtimeframes.Wheneveryou'refeelingthepressuresofthepresent,stopandthinkaboutthefutureinwaysthatareempowering.Forexample,thinkofgoalsthatcompelyou,andbecomefullyassociatedtothem.Visualizetheimage,listentoit,stepintoitandnoticehowitfeels.Putyourselfbackintothemidstofatreasuredmemory:yourfirstkiss,thebirthofyourchild,aspecialmomentwithafriend.Themoreyoudevelopyourcapabilitytoquicklychangetimeframes,thegreateryourleveloffreedomandthe range of emotions you will be able to create within your at a moment'snotice. Do this enough until you truly know you can this change in focus toinstantlychangeyourstate.2.Learntodeliberatelydistorttime.Forsomethingthatnormallyseemstotakealongtimetocomplete,addanothercomponentthatwillnotonlyspeedupyourperceptionoftime,butallowyoutoaccomplishtwothingsatonce.Forexample,whenI'mrunning,I'lldonapairofheadphonesandlistentomyfavoritemusic.Or I'llwatch thenewsormakephonecallswhile I'monmyStairMaster.Thismeans I'll never have an excuse not to exercise, not to do what's important:workingoutandIreturningmycalls.3.Writea"todo"listthatprioritizesaccordingtoimportanceinsteadofurgency.Insteadofwritingdownzillionsofthingstodoandfeelinglikeafailureattheendoftheday,focusonwhat'smostimportantforyoutoaccomplish.Ifyoudothis, I can promise you that you'll feel a sense of satisfaction andaccomplishmentfewexperience.Ofcourse,wemustalwaystaketimeto...

RESTANDPLAY:EVENGODTOOKONEDAYOFF!DAYSEVENYourOutcome:Achievesomebalance.You'veworkedhardandyou'veplayedhard.Takeadayofftohavesomefun!

Be spontaneous, be outrageous, do something that takes you outside yourself.Whatwouldcreatethemostexcitementforyou?"Thegreatmanishethatdoesnotlosehischild's-heart."

MENCIUSToday'sAssignment:

1.Eitherplansomethingfunandsticktoit,ordosomethingonthespurofthemoment.Whateveritis,enjoyit!Tomorrow,you'llbereadytoexplore...

THEULTIMATECHALLENGE:WHATONEPERSONCANDO"Amightyflamefollowethatinyspark."

—DANTEHeknewhemuststopthem.Withamere$800inhispocket,SamLaBudde

droveacross theMexicanborder, stoodon the fishingdocksofEnsenada,andwaitedforhisopportunity.Totingavideocameratogetsome"homemovies"ofhisexcursion,heposedasanaiveAmericantouristandofferedhisservicesasadeckhandorengineertoeachcaptainwhodockedhisboatintheharbor.He was hired on the Maria Luisa as a temporary crew member, and as thePanamaniantunaboatpulledawayfromtheMexicancoast,LaBuddebegantosecretlyfilmtheactivitiesof thecrew.Heknewthat ifhewerediscoveredhislifewouldbeinjeopardy.Finallyithappened:theyweresurrounded.Awholeschoolofdolphins,knowntomanyas"waterpeople,"beganjumpingandchatteringneartheMariaLuisa.Theirfriendlynaturehaddrawnthemtotheboat;littledidtheyknowthattheywerealsobeingdrawntotheirdeath.Thefishermentrailedthedolphinsbecausetheyknew that yellowfin tunausually swimbelow the playful creatures.Withcold-blooded calculation, they lay their nets in the path of the dolphins, notnoticingorevencaringwhathappenedtothem.Over the courseof fivehours,LaBudde'svideo recorded thehorror.One afteranother, dolphins became entangled in the nets, unable to free themselves andcometothesurfacefortheoxygentheyneededtostayalive.At one point the captain bellowed, "How many in the net!?"* As LaBuddeswungtocapturetheslaughteronvideo,heheardacrewmemberyell,"Aboutfifty!"Thecaptainordered thecrew tohaul in theircatch.Numerousdolphinslaystrangledandlifelessontheslipperydeckasthecrewseparatedthemfromthetunaanddiscardedtheirsleek,graybodies.Eventually,thecorpsesofthesemagnificent animals were tossed overboard as casually as sacks of garbage.LaBudde'sfootagegaveclear-cutevidenceofwhatothershadclaimedforyears:that hundreds of dolphinswere regularly being killed in a single day's fishingexpedition.Estimatesare thatoversixmilliondolphinshavebeenkilledin thelast tenyearsalone.Editeddowntoaneleven-minuteformat,LaBudde'svideostunnedviewerswiththeheart-wrenchingrealityofwhatweweredoingtothese

intelligentandaffectionatebeingswithwhomweshareourplanet.Onebyone,outragedconsumersacrossthenationstoppedbuyingtuna,launchingaboycottthatonlygainedspeedasmediaattentionbecamemorepointed.Just four years after LaBudde first captured the tragedy on film, in 1991 theworld'slargesttunacanner,Starkist,announcedthatitwouldnolongerpacktunacaught in purse seine nets. Chicken of the Sea and Bumblebee Seafoodsfollowedsuit, issuingsimilarstatements justhours later.While the fight isnotover—unregulatedforeigntunaboatsstillkillsixtimesasmanydolphinsasdidtheU.S.boats—LaBudde'sdayontheMariaLuisahasservedasacatalystformajorreformintheAmericantunaindustry,savingcountlessdolphinlivesandundoubtedlyhelpingtorestoresomebalancetothemarineecosystem."Everymanisanimpossibilityuntilheisborn."

RALPHWALDOEMERSONSo many people feel powerless and insignificant when it comes to social

issuesandworldevents, thinkingthatevenif theydideverythingright intheirownpersonal lives, theirwelfarewould still be at themercy of the actions ofothers.They feelbesetby theproliferationofgangwarfare andviolent crime,perplexed by massive government deficits and the S&L crisis, saddened byhomelessness and illiteracy, and overwhelmed by global warming and therelentlessextinctionoftheotherspecieswholiveonthisplanet.Suchpeoplefallinto themindset of thinking, "Even if I getmy own life and the lives ofmyfamily in order,what goodwill it do?Somenut in a position of power couldaccidentally push the button and blow us all up anyway!" This kind of beliefsystemfostersthefeelingofbeingoutofcontrolandimpotenttocreatechangeatanysignificant level,andnaturally leads to the learnedhelplessness typifiedbythephrase,"Whyeventry?"Nothingcouldbemorecripplingtoaperson'sabilitytotakeactionthanlearnedhelplessness;itistheprimaryobstaclethatpreventsusfromchangingourlivesortakingactiontohelpotherpeoplechangetheirs.Ifyou'vecomethisfarinthebook,youknowwithoutadoubtmycentralmessage:youhavethepowerrightnowtocontrolhowyouthink,howyoufeel,andwhatyoudo.Perhapsforthefirst time you are empowered to take control of the Master System that hasunconsciously guided you until this point.With the strategies and distinctionsyou've gained from reading and doing the exercises in this book, you haveawakenedtotheconvictionthatyouaretrulythemasterofyourfate,thedirectorofyourdestiny.Togetherwe'vediscoveredthegiantpower thatshapesdestiny—decision—andthatourdecisionsaboutwhattofocuson,whatthingsmean,andwhattodoare

thedecisionsthatwilldeterminethequalityofourpresentandfuture.Nowit'stimetoaddressthepowerofjointdecisionstoshapethedestinyofourcommunity,ourcountry,andourworld.Whatwilldeterminethequalityoflifefor generations to comewill be the collective decisionswemake today abouthow to deal with such current challenges as widespread drug abuse, theimbalance of trade, ineffective public education, and the shortcomings of ourprisonsystem.Byfixatingoneverythingthat'snotworking,welimitourfocustoeffects,andweneglectthecausesoftheseproblems.WefailtorecognizethatitisthesmalldecisionsyouandImakeeverydaythatcreateourdestinies.Rememberthatalldecisions are followed by consequences. If we make our decisionsunconsciously—that is, letotherpeopleorother factors inourenvironmentdothe thinking for us—and actwithout at least anticipating the potential effects,thenwemaybeunwittinglyperpetuatingtheproblemswedreadmost.Bytryingto avoid pain in the short term,we often end upmaking decisions that createpain in the long term, and when we arrive further down the river we tellourselves that the problems are permanent and unchangeable, that they comewiththeterritory.Probablythemostpervasivefalsebeliefmostofusharboristhefallacythatonlysome superhuman act would have the power to turn our problems around.Nothing could be further from the truth. Life is cumulative.Whatever resultswe'reexperiencinginourlivesaretheaccumulationofahostofsmalldecisionswe'vemadeas individuals, asa family,asacommunity,asa society,andasaspecies. The success or failure of our lives is usually not the result of onecataclysmic event or earth-shaking decision, although sometimes it may lookthatway.Rather,successorfailureisdeterminedbythedecisionswemakeandtheactionswetakeeveryday.Bythesametoken,then,itisthedailydecisionsandactionsofeachoneofus,takingresponsibilityonanindividuallevel,thatwilltrulymakethedifferenceinsuch matters as whether we are able to take care of our disadvantaged andwhetherwecanlearntoliveinharmonywithourenvironment.Inordertobringabout massive and far-reaching changes, both in our individual and jointdestinies, it is necessary to commit ourselves to constant and never-endingimprovement,tothedisciplineofCANI!Onlyinthatwaycanwetrulymakeadifferencethatwilllastinthelongterm.

THEULTIMATESOLUTION

Whatdoyousupposeistheonecommonelementinalltheproblemsfacingustodayasanationandasaworld?Fromsoaringnumbersofhomelesspeopletoescalating crime rates to huge budget deficits to the slow strangulation of ourecosystem,theansweristhateverysingleoneoftheseproblemswascausedorset inmotionbyhumanbehavior.Therefore, thesolutiontoeveryoneoftheseproblemsistochangeourbehavior.(Thisrequireschangingthewayweevaluateormakedecisions,whichiswhatthisentirebookisabout.)Wedon'thaveadrugproblem;wehaveabehaviorproblem.Teenagepregnancyisnottheresultofavirus. It is the consequenceof specificbehavior.Gangwarfare is abehavioralproblem. Even nuclear war is ultimately a behavioral problem!Our decisionsbuiltthebombs,andourdecisionswilleliminatethem.Alloftheseproblemsaretheresultofactionsthatpeoplehavechosentotake.Forexample,whenanindividualbecomesagangmember, thatsingledecisionsets inmotion awhole series of behaviors and problems.With this new gangidentity,hewillholdhimself toavery specificcodeofbehaviorwhichplacesutmost value on such things as loyalty to the group, and out of that flows awhole system of characteristic rules and behaviors. A global example of thelong-termeffectsofourdecisionsisthechronicfaminesandfoodshortagesthattakethelivesofsomanyaroundtheworld.TheWorldHealthOrganizationhasproventhatitispossibletofeedeveryman,woman,andchildonthisearth,yetevery day, 40,000 children die of starvation. Why? Obviously we have theresources,butsomethinghasgoneterriblyawry,notonlywiththewayfoodisdistributed,butwiththewayourresourcesareused.What'sgreataboutallofthis?Thegoodnewsisthatoncewerealizethattherootofallproblemsisbehavior(andthedecision-makingprocessweusetoinitiateit),thenweknowthatwearetheoneswhocanchangeit!Asyou'velearnedinthisbook,theonethingwehaveabsolutecontroloverisourinternalworld—wedecide what things mean and what to do about them—and as a result of ourdecisions, we take actions that impact our external environment. There areactions each and every one of us can take in our own homes, our ownbusinesses, and our own communities that will initiate a chain of specificpositiveconsequences.Withouractions,wecommunicateourmostdeeplyheldvaluesandbeliefs,andthroughtheglobalinfluenceofourmassmedia,eventhesimplest actionswe take have the power to influence andmove people of allnations.

Whilethissoundsencouragingforthehumanrace,youmaybeaskingyourself,"What can one person do to trulymake a difference in the world?" Virtuallyanything.'Theonly limit toyour impact isyour imaginationandcommitment.Thehistoryoftheworldissimplythechronicleofwhathashappenedbecauseofthedeedsofasmallnumberofordinarypeoplewhohadextraordinarylevelsofcommitment to making a difference. These individuals did little thingsextraordinarilywell.Theydecided that somethingmustchange, that theymustbe the ones to do it, and that they could do it—and then they summoned thecouragetopersistuntiltheyfoundawaytomakeitwork.Thesearethemenandwomenwecallheroes.IbelievethatyouandI—andeveryonewe'llevermeet—hastheinborncapacitytobeheroic,totakedaring,courageous,andnoblestepstomakelifebetterforothers, even when in the short term it seems to be at our own expense. Thecapacitytodotheright thing, todareto takeastandandmakeadifference, iswithinyounow.Thequestionis:Whenthemomentarrives,willyourememberyou'reaheroandselflesslyrespondinsupportofthoseinneed?"Itwasinvoluntary;theysankmyboat."

JOHNF.KENNEDY,whenaskedhowhe'dbecomeaheroSo many people want to avoid any hint of a problem or challenge, yet

surmounting difficulty is the crucible that forms character.Many people don'tdiscover theirheroicnatureuntilamajordifficultyor life-threateningsituationoccursandtheymustrisetotheoccasionbecausethereisnootherchoice.Thenexttimeyoufindyourselfinatoughspot,decidetomakeadifferenceinthatsituationandtakeaction,nomatterhowsmallitseemsatthetime.Whoknowswhat consequences youwill set inmotion? Identify yourself as a hero so thatyoucanactasone.ManypeoplelookatapersonlikeMotherTeresaandassumethatshewasbornto heroism. They claim that she's just an incredibly spiritual woman and thatshe'salwaysbeensetapartbyhercommitmentandselflesscontribution to thepoor. While it is true that she is a woman of extraordinary courage andcompassion, it is also true thatMotherTeresa had some crucialmoments thatdefinedherroleasoneofthegreatcontributorsofourtime.MotherTeresadidnot set out to help the poor. In fact, for over twenty years she taught thewealthiest children in Calcutta, India. Every day she overlooked theimpoverishedslums that surrounded thewell-to-doneighborhood inwhichsheworked,neverventuringoutsidehertinysphereofinfluence.Onenight,asshewaswalkingdownthestreet,sheheardawomancryingoutforhelp.Itwasinthemomentthatthisdyingwomanfellinto

herarmsthatMotherTeresa'slifechangedforever.Realizingtheseriousnessofthewoman'scondition,Motherrushedhertothehospital,whereshewastoldtositandwait.Sheknewthewomanwoulddiewithoutimmediateattention,soshetookhertoan-otherhospital.Again,shewastoldtowait;thewoman'ssocialcastemadeherlessimportantthantheothersbeingtreated.Finally,indesperation,MotherTeresatookthewomanhome.Laterthatnight,shediedinthecomfortofMotherTeresa'slovingarms.MotherTeresa's"definingmoment"hadtranspired:themomentwhenshedecidedthat(hiswouldneverhappenagaintoanyonewithinherreach.Fromthatmomentonshedecidedthatshewoulddevoteherlifetoeasingthepainofthosewhosufferedaroundherandthat,whethertheylivedordied,theywoulddosowithdignity.Shewouldpersonallydoeverythinginherpowertoseethattheywouldbetreatedbetterthantheyhadeverbeentreatedtheirentirelives,withtheloveandrespectthatallpeopledeserve."Letthewordgoforthfromthistimeandplace,tofriendandfoealike,thatthetorchhasbeenpassedtoanewgenerationofAmericans,bominthiscentury,temperedbywar,disciplinedbyahardandbitterpeace,proudofourancientheritage,andunwillingtowitnessorpermittheslowundoingofTheUltimateChallenge:WhatOnePersonCanDo491thosehumanrightstowhichthisnationhasalwaysbeencommitted,andtowhichwearecommittedtoday,athome,andaroundtheworld.Leteverynationknow,whetheritwishesuswellorill,thatweshallpayanyprice,bearanyburden,meetanyhardship,supportanyfriend,opposeanyfoe,toassurethesurvivalandthesuccessofliberty."—JOHNF.KENNEDYManypeopletodayseemtoshyawayfromtheveryideaofbeingahero,perhapsavoidingtheresponsibilitytheyfeelitwouldentail.Besides,aren'tsuchaspirationsegotistical?Isn'tallheroismfalseanyway?Afterall,noone'sperfect.Todayweliveinasocietywherewenotonlyoverlookpotentialheroes,butwedenigratetheoneswehave.Withmorbidfascination,wescrutinizetheirprivatelives,diggingforsomechinkintheirarmor,andeventuallywefindit—orfabricateone.Ineverycampaignrace,peoplecomplainaboutthecaliberofthecandidates,yet

theysystematicallypursueevidenceofeventheslightestindiscretionsofacandidate'spastbehavior,eventotheextentoffocusingonthefactthatapotentialSupremeCourtJusticeoncesmokedamarijuanacigarettedecadesago!Ifweheldthegreatheroesofourpasttothesameunbendingcriteriabywhichwejudgeourpresent-dayheroes,wewouldn'thaveanyheroes'TheKennedysandtheKingswouldhavehaddifficultywithstandingtoday'stabloidmentality.Itseemsthatwe'resoafraidofbeingletdownthatwetrytofindsomethingwrongtobeginwith—justsowe'renotdisappointedlater.Aslongasweoperatefromtheframethatallheroeshavefeetofclay,thenclearlywemustbelievethatthereissomethingwrongwithallofus,thatnoneofushaswhatittakesoris"goodenough"tobeahero.HowdoIdefineahero?Aheroisapersonwhocourageouslycontributesundereventhemosttryingcircumstances;aheroisanindividualwhoactsunselfishlyandwhodemandsmorefromhimselforherselfthanotherswouldexpect;aheroisamanorwomanwhodefiesadversitybydoingwhatheorshebelievesisrightinspiteoffear.Aheromovesbeyondthe"commonsense"ofthepromotersofthestatusquo.Aheroisanyonewhoaimstocontribute,anyonewhoiswillingtosetanexample,anyonewholivesbythetruthofhisorherconvictions.Aherodevelopsstrategiestoassurehisoutcome,andper-sistsuntilitbecomesareality,changinghisapproachasnecessaryandunderstandingtheimportanceofsmallactionsconsistentlytaken.Aheroisnotsomeonewhois"perfect,"becausenoneofusisperfect.Weall

makemistakes,butthatdoesn'tinvalidatethecontributionswemakeinthecourseofourlives.Perfectionisnotheroism;humanityis.THECHALLENGEOFHOMELESSNESSKnowingthatwithineachofusflickersthesparkofheroism,justwaitingtobefannedintoamightyflame,howcanwetackleagiantsocialissuesuchastheplightofourcountry'shomelesspopulation?Thefirstkeytochangingthissituationistoholdourselvestoahigherstandard.Wemustdecidethat,astherichestcountryonearth,wearenolongerwillingtosettleforhavingsomanyofourmen,women,andchildrencastoutonthestreetslikehumanrefuse.Whatpercentageofourpopulationishomeless?Atthiswritingtheresultsofthe1990censusonthehomelesshavenotbeenfullytabulated.Infact,bytheverynatureofhomelessness—thepeopleinvolvedhaveno,|

address—exactfiguresaredifficulttoobtain.Themostcommonlycitedstatisticsestimatethatatleast3millionofourcitizensarehomeless,orroughlyoneinevery100peopleliveonthestreetsorinshelters.*Thesecondkeytoaddressingthisproblemistochangeourbeliefs.Wemuststopbelievingthattheseproblemsareapermanentmalaisepervadingourcountryandthatthereisnothingthatanyindividualcandototrulymakeadifference.Thewaytobreakfreeoflearnedhelpless-nessistoadoptthebeliefthat,asanindividual,youcanmakeadiffer-ence,andthatinfactallgreatreformmovementshavebeencarriedoutbycommittedindividuals;Anotherbeliefwemustchangeisthatthehomelessareintheircurrentsituationbecausetheyareall"mentallyderanged."Again,statis-ticscannotbeprecise,butitisestimatedthatbetween16percentand22percentofthehomelesssuffersomeformofmentalillness.fInordertoreallyhelpthesepeople,wemustbreakthroughourstereotypes.Gen-eralizingaboutthehomelessdoesnotempowerustohelpthem,andbeyondashadowofadoubt,manycanbehelped.Whatcauseshomelessnessinthefirstplace?Besidesthealready-mentionedmentalillness,otherreasonscommonlycitedincludethespi-ralingcostofhousingcoupledwithdiminishingincome,drugoralcoholabuse,andthebreakdownofthetraditionalAmericanfamily.Thetruthis*Snyder,Mitch,andMaryEllenHombs, "Homelessness IsSerious,"DavidLBender,ed..TheHomeless:OpposingViewpoints,GreenhavenPress,©1990.tIbid.493TheUltimateChallenge:WhatOnePersonCanDothatallofthesearelegitimatereasons.Yetunderlyingthemallarebeliefsystems.Afterall,thereareplentyofpeoplewhohavealsosurvivedtheravagesofdrugandalcoholabuse,whohavelosttheirhomesorcan'tevenearnenoughtopaytherent,andwhohaveneverexperiencedastablefamilylife—yetthesepeopleneverbecamehomeless.What'sthedifference?Itallcomesdowntothebasicbeliefs,val-ues,andidentityofeachindividual.Manywhoareonthestreetsmayseethemselvesas"homeless"people;butothersmayseethemselvesasbeing"temporarilywithoutahome."Thustheypursuesolutionsandwillfindawaybackintothetraditionallifestyle.Tocreatelong-termchangeforahomelessindividual,theremustbeachangeinidentity.Thisistheonlywaytoproduceaconsistentchangeintheirbehavior.

Since1984,1haveworkedwithhomelessorganizationsintheSouthBronx,Brooklyn,Hawaii,andSanDiego,assistingpeopleinmakingthetransformationfrom"homelessperson"to"societalcontributor."EachyearinmyMasteryprograms,participantsspendaneveningwithseveralhomelesspeopletofacilitatechangeandhelpthemturntheirlivesaround.Theresultsoftheseone-hourinteractionsareoftenastounding.OneterrificexampleofthisisayoungmannamedT.J.Wefirstmethimtwoyearsago,whenwebroughthiminoffthestreetandinvitedhimtohavedinnerwithusifhe'dsharealittlebitofhislifestory.Atthetime,hesays,hewas"highasakite."Hehadbeenlivingonthestreetforovertenyears,addictedtococaine,methadone,andamphetamines.Afterspendingamerehourwithhim,theseminarparticipantsIhadtrainedwereabletohelphimmakehugeshiftsinhisbeliefsandassisthimindevelopingstrategiestosupporthisnewidentity.Today,T.J.isnotonlyoffthestreetandoffdrugs,butheisalsoamajorcontributortosociety—heisafiremaninTexas.Infact,forthelasttwoyearshehasreturnedtoourprogramtohelpusrecruitandassistotherswhoareinthesamepositionhewasinonlyacoupleofyearsago.Ininterviewinghomelesspeople,I'vefoundthatmanyofthemarejustlikeT.J.Theyhavedrugoralcoholproblems,ortheyhavelosttheirhomesanddon'tknowhowtocopewiththesituation.Mostoftheirchallengesarenotunlikemanyotherpeople's.Theyhaveneuro-associationsthatlimitthem;theyhavevaluesthatprecludeachange;someoftheirruleskeepthemfrommovingforward;theiridentitytiesthemtotheirlimitingcircumstances.Sincefreedomtendstobeoneoftheirhighestvalues,theyfeelhappyinspiteoftheirdissatisfactionwiththeirphysicalenvironment.Afterall,theydon'thavetoplaybysociety'srules,andtheyavoidthepressurestheyassociatewiththoserules.Be-sides,they'vebuiltupawholecommunityoffriends,andtheyoftenseethemselvesasbeing"strong"becausetheysurvivebytheirwits.Oftentheythinkitbuildscharacter.I'veevenmetpeoplewhousedtobehomelessandnowhavehomes,yettheyspendtimeinsheltersbecausetheystillidentifysocompletelywiththeirhomelesspersona.Throughourfriendshipandcaring,youandIcanbethebridgebetweentheharshrealityofhomelessnessandthechallengeofpersonalresponsibilitythatrejoiningsocietyrequires.Weallactuponwhatwefeeliscompelling.Whatwouldhappenifyoucultivatedafriendshipwithahomelesspersonandofferedthisindividualsomenewreferenceexperiences,likeavisittothespaorthetheater?Newreferencesprovide

thefabricfornewbeliefsandnewidentities.Remember,smalleffortscanmakeabigdifference.THECHALLENGESFACINGOURPRISONSYSTEMWehaveequallydisturbingchallengesinourprisons.Itdoesn'ttakeageniustoseethatourcurrentincarcerationsystemisineffective,witharecidivismrateof82percent.Ofallfederalandstateinmatesin1986,60percenthadbeeninprisontwoormoretimes,45percentthreeormoretimes,and20percentsixormoretimes.*Inthelastfiveyears,ourprisonpopulationhasswolleninsize,creatingthestressesthatcomewithmassiveovercrowding.Torelievethepressure,manyinmatesareabruptlyreleasedwith$200intheirpockets,sentawayfromasystemtheyhateyethavelearnedtorelyuponforasenseofcertaintyandsecurity.Clearlytheyhavenotlearnedhowtochangetheirsystemofdecisionmaking.Livinginanenvironmentwhereyoumustpaysomeonejustsoyouwon'tbephysicallyharmedorsexuallyabused,whereyoumuststealorjoinagangtosurvive,doesnotenhanceyourviewofyourselforyourworld.Inmatesaredriventomaintaintheircriminalidentityinordertosurviveintheprisonsociety,whereacknowledgmentandprestigeareearnedbyasavagesetofrules.Asoneex-convictsharedwithme,"AssoonasIwasreleased,Istartedthinkingaboutgoingback.Afterall,Iknewnooneontheoutside.InthejointIhadrespect.Ihadguysthatwouldkillforme.Ontheoutside,Iwasjustaworthlessex-con."Sentoutintoaworldwheretheyknownoone,thinkingthattheyhavenowaytocontroltheirownenvironment,thesemenandwomenoftendothings—consciouslyorunconsciously—toensurereturntotheir"home."*Wright,JohnW.,ed..TheUniversalAlmanac,AndrewsandMcMeel,®1989.495TheUltimateChallenge:WhatOnePersonCanDoCanthiscycleofcriminalitybeinterrupted?Ofcourseitcan—ifthereisenoughpainlinkedtobeinginprison,andenoughpleasuretobeingoutsideofit.Ifwecouldtrainpeopleeffectively,thecombi-nationofthesefactorswouldbeamazing.Recently,Iinterviewedamanwhohadjustbeenreleasedafterservingeightyearsforattemptedmur-der.WhenIaskedhimifhe'dshootsomeoneagain,hesmiledandsaid,"Inaheartbeat—ifanyonetriedtotakemydrugs."Iasked,"Don'tyouwanttoavoidgoingbacktoprison?"Hesaid,"No!Prison'snotsobad.

There,Ididn'thavetoworryaboutmynextmeal.AndIgottowatchTV.AndIreallyhadthingswired;Iknewhowtodealwithalltheotherguys,soIneverreallyhadtoworry."Prisonisnotadeterrenttohissociopathicbehavior.Hesimplydoesn'tassociatepaintoincarceration.NowcontrastthiswiththeexperiencesofFrankAbagnale,authorofthebookCatchMeIfYouCan.Heisworldfamousforhisanticsas"thegreatimposter,"travelingaroundtheworldposingasaPanAmairlinepilot,ahospitaladministrator,anaidetotheattorneygeneralofLoui-siana,amongotherguises,andconningpeopleoutofmillionsofdollars.Today,Frankisoneoftheforemostexpertsinbanksecuritysystemsandacontributortohiscommunity.Whatturnedhimaround?Pain.Astheresultofoneofhisescapades,hewasarrestedandincarceratedinaFrenchprison.Noonethreatenedhimwithphysicalorsexualabuse,butthepainwasincrediblyintense.First,hespenthisentiresentenceinadarkcellandtotallyisolatedfromallcontactwiththeoutsideworld:notelevision,nonewspapers,noradio,noconversationwithotherinmatesorguards.Second,theygavehimabsolutelynoideawhenhe'dbereleased.Hedidn'thaveacluewhetherhe'dbeheldthereforsixtydaysorsixtyyears.Thepainofnotknowing—thesenseofuncertainty—wastheseverestformofpunishmentimaginable,andFranklinkedsomuchpaintothis"hellonearth"thathevowedhe'dneverreturn.Andyouknowwhat?He'snotalone.Notsurprisingly,Frenchprisonshavearecidivismrateof1percentandspendabout$200oneachprisonerannually(anevenmoreastoundingfigurewhenyouconsiderthatAmericansspendabout$30,000ayearonourprisoners,andperpetuatean82percentrecidi-vismrate!).AmIsuggestingthatweduplicatetheFrenchpenalsystem?No,allI'msayingisthatthesystemwehaveinplaceisobviouslynotworkingandthatit'stimetotrysomethingelse.Wemustprovideourprisonerswithanenvironment inwhich theydon'thave toconstantlyworryaboutbeingbeatenorattackedbycellmates,yetatthesametimewecannotmakeprisonthehometheyneverhad.I'msuggestingthatprisontermsshouldbeundesirable—uncomfortable—andthatduringaprisonterm,peopleshouldbeshownwaystomaketheoutsideworldanexperiencethattheycanbeincontrolof,oneofpleasureandpos-sibility,sothatwhenthey'rereleased,it'ssomethingtheypursueratherthanfear.Theymustlinkpaintobeinginprison,andpleasuretochanging.Otherwise,thebehaviorthatlandedtheminjailwillnever

bemodifiedlong-term.Aboveall,aprisonermustknowthatsomeonecaresabouthimandiscommittedtoofferinghimstrategiesthatwillsteerhislifeinanewdirection.Notallprisonersarereadyforchange,butthosewhoareclearlydeserveoursupport."WhilethereisalowerclassIaminit;whilethereisacriminalelementIamofit;whilethereisasoulinprison,Iamnotfree."—EUGENEVICTORDEBSWhatcanyoudo?Onesimpleyetprofoundactionwouldbetocommitonceamonthtovisitingaprisonerwhohastrulydecidedtochangethequalityofhislife.Becomealoving,supportivefriendandshowhimorherthechoicesavailable.I'llneverforgettherelationshipIde-velopedasaresultofvolunteeringtovisitwithaninmateoftheChino,Californiaprison.Throughmyassistanceandencouragement,hebeganrunninguptothreemilesaday,readinginspirationalandinstructionalbooks,andbeginningthetransitionfrom"prisoner"to"valuedperson."Whenhewasreleasedtwoyearslater,thesenseofconnectionandcontributionwesharedwasoneofthemorerewardingexperiencesofmylife.THECHALLENGEOFGANGVIOLENCEWhileadultcrimeisademandingproblemindeed,wealsoneedtoaddressthequestionofhowwecanstemtheflowofouryouthintothejuvenilepenalsystem.Whataboutthesenselessmurdersthatarebeingcommittedeverydaybyyounggangmembersintheinnercities?TheunrelentingsavageryoftwogangsthatoriginatedinLosAngelesandthenspreadacrossthenation—theCripsandtheBloods—hastakenanunfathomabletollonthecitiesinwhichtheylive,andmostofusareatalossastohowtoaddressthisfrighteningproblem.I'mcertain,however,thatoneofthefirstthingsthatmusthappenistogetgangmemberstorethinktheirrules.Remember,allofouractionsTheUltimateChallenge:WhatOnePersonCanDo497stemfromourcorebeliefsaboutwhatwemustandmustneverdoorbe.IrecentlyreadaRollingStonearticleexcerptingabookfocusingontheday-to-daylifeofgangmembers.*This"sliceoflife"detailsagangclassheldatajuvenilehallcalledCampKilpatrick.Whenthestudents(gangmembers)wereaskedwhytheywouldkillsomeone,theyrapidlyfiredoffalistofthirty-sevenreasons.TheseareafewofthoseIfound

mostshocking:ifsomeoneloofesatmefunny,ifsomeoneasksmewhereI'mrom,oranickel,ifsomeonewalks/unny,ifsomeonetouchesmyfood(forexample,takesafrenchfry),forfun,ifsomeonegivesmeabadhair-cut.Withsuchaberrantrules—rulesthatalmostnooneelseintheso-cietyshares—itisnosurprisehowvolatiletheseyoungmenandwomenare.Theyhavemorereasonstokillthanvirtuallyanyone,andthustheyactinaccordancewiththeirrules.Whatwasencouragingtome,though,wastoseethatthefacilitatorunderstoodthepowerofquestionstoweakeneventhemoststronglyheldbeliefs.Heasked,"Forwhichofthesethingswouldyoubewillingtodie?"Inotherwords,ifyouknewthatbykillingsomeoneforabadhaircutyouwouldalsodie,wouldyoustilldoit?Byaskingthisquestion,hegotthemtoreevaluatetheirrulesandtoreconsidertheimportanceofthosethingsforwhichthey'dpreviouslybeenwillingtomurder.Bythetimehewasdonewiththisquestioningprocess,thesegangmembershadradicallychangedtheirrules.Insteadoffamily,andforassociation(gang).Thelatterremainedonlybecauseoneyoungmanpersistedinbelievingthatthiswasperhapsthemostimpor-tantthinginhislife.Wheneveranyoftheotherkidstriedtodissuadehim,hesimplyinsisted,"Y'alldon'tknowme."Hisidentitywasacon-viction,onesotiedtohisgangthatsurrenderingitwouldmeansurren-deringhiswholesenseofself—probablytheonlythingconstantinthisyoungman'slife.Bypursuingthismethodofaskingandansweringquestions,this"school"isgettingthroughtomanyofthekidswhotakethecourse.Itisweakeningthereferencelegsofdestructivebeliefsuntilthesekidsnolongerfeelcertainaboutthem.Remember,allbehaviorscanbechangedbychangingbeliefs,values,rules,andidentity.Obviouslytheconditionsthatproducethegangsinthefirstplaceneedtobeaddressed—ultimately,thistoocanbehandledthroughmodifyingbe-havioratthelevelwhereitcounts,casebycase.•King,Leon,"DoorDie,"RollingStone,September1991.THECHALLENGESFACINGOUR

ENVIRONMENTTheenvironmentisnolongerjustarallyingcauseforthecounterculture,buthascometotheforefrontasamajornationalandinternationalconcern.Afterfourofthehottestconsecutiveyearseverrecordedin

history,peoplehavebecomeextremelyconcernedaboutglobalwarming—thephenomenoncausedbyexcesscarbondioxidethatistrappedbytheozonelayer,resultinginrisingtemperatures.Whatarethemajorsources?Oneofthemisthefluorocarbonsfoundinaircondition-ersandspraybottles.Anothermajorsourceoftheglobal-warmingeffectisthewantondestructionandburningofourCentralandSouthAmer-icanrainforests.Rainforestsaccountforanastounding80percentoftheearth'svegetation,andarecriticaltoourecosystem.*Treesabsorbthetoxicgasesofexcesscarbondioxidethatwereleaseintotheatmosphere,andconvertittobreathableoxygen.Treesareourultimaterejuvenators:withoutthem,lifeonearthasweknowitcouldnotexist.Rainforesttreesalsoprovideanenvironmentforthelargestdiversityofanimalandinsectspeciesintheworld.Byburningourrainforests,notonlydowedestroytheoxygen-producingvege-tationandtheenvironmentinwhichtheanimalsandplantslive,butwereleasehugeamountsofcarbondioxideintotheatmosphere'andhastenthedeleteriousglobal-warmingeffect.Withalltheirimportance,whyaretherainforestsbeingclearedsorelentlessly?Theanswerisasimplematterofpainandpleasure:eco-nomics.Hugetaxbreakshavebeengiveninthesecountriesasincentivesforrancherstocleartheland.Isittomakeroomformorehousing?Ofcoursenot.It'stocleargrazinglandforcattletobeexportedasbeeftotheUnitedStates.Thisnationimports10percentofitsbeeffromCentralandSouthAmerica.fInordertomeetthisneed,rainforestsarebeingelim-inatedatapaceofoneacreeveryfiveseconds.^Theinefficiencyoftheuseofthislandforgrazingisoneofthemostdestructive,short-termdecisionsthatmancanmake.We'rebulldozingthesourceofoursurvival.Doyourealizethateverytimeyoubuyaquarter-poundhamburgerusingrainforestbeef,itrepresentsthedestruc-tionoffifty-fivesquarefeetoftropicalrainforest?**Oncedestroyed,itcanneverbereplaced.Further,thecurrentrateofspeciesextinctionis*Robbins,John,Diet/oraNewAmerica.t"Acres,USA,"vol15#6,June1985,citedinJ.Robbins.fRobbins,John,DietforaNewAmerica.•• "The Fate of Our Planet," Robbins Research Report, Fall 1990, RobbinsResearchInternational,Inc.©1991.499TheUltimateChallenge;WhatOnePersonCanDo

1,000peryearduetothedestructionoftherainforests—anunimaginableassaultonourecosystem.What'sthepointofitall?It'ssolelyforthepurposeofcyclingmoremeatthroughourbodies,whichmedicalsciencehasalreadyestablishedisdirectlyrelatedtothetopkillersinthisnation:heartdiseaseandcancer.TheshockingstatisticisthatoneoutoftwoAmericansdiesofsomeformofheartdisease—RussianroulettegivesyoubetteroddsofsurvivalthanfollowingthestandardAmericandiet!Ultimately,wecan-notdestroytheexternalenvironmentwithoutdestroyingourowninternalenvironment.Doyouwanttostopthedestructionofourrainforests?Doyouwanttohelprestorethedelicatebalanceofourecosystem?InadditiontosendingyourfinancialsupporttoenvironmentalorganizationslikeGreenpeace,themostpowerfulthingyoucandoistolinkpaintoanyofyourpersonalbehaviorsthatperpetuatetheilluseofourplanet.Clearly,onestepwouldbetoreduceoreliminateyourconsumptionofham-burgermeat.Aboycottworkedwiththetunaindustry,anditcanworkhereaswell.We'renotjusttalkingaboutdollarsandcents.Theearthitselfisatstake.Knowthatthedecisionsyoumakeaboutwhattoputonyourdinnerplatedetermine,inasmallyetundeniableway,suchthingsashowmuchcarbondioxideisreleasedintoouratmosphereandhowmanyplantandanimalspecieswilldieeachday.Nowlet'slookattheimpactofyourdietarydecisionsonalocallevel.Perhapsyouliveinastate,likeIdo,thatisexperiencingaseverewatershortage.Infact,it'sbeensaidthatinthetwenty-firstcenturywaterwillbethegoldofthefuture,oneofourmostvaluableandscarceresources.Howcanthisbetrue,onaplanetthatispredominantlycoveredwithwater?Thereasoncanbefoundinourincrediblypoormanagementofthisvitalresource.Specifically,it'srelatedtothemeatindustry.Considerthis:theamountofwaterthatisusedtoraiseonesinglesteerisenoughtofloatanAmericandestroyer!*InCalifornia,we'reallwork-inghardtoconservewater,takingstepssuchasnotwateringourlawnsandinstallingflowrestrictorsinourtoiletsandshowerheads.Alloftheseactionsareimportant,butdidyouknowthatittakes5,214gallonsofwatertoproduceonepoundofCaliforniabeef?fThismeansthatyoucansavemorewaterbynoteatingonepoundofbeefthanyoucouldbyskippingshowersforanentireyear!^AccordingtoComellecon-omistDavidFieldsandhisassociateRobinHur,"Everydollarthatstate* "The Browning of America," Newsweek, February 22, 1981, cited in J.

Robbins.t"TheFateofOurPlanet,"RobbinsResearchReport.^Thisfigureassumesatotalof5,200gallonsofwaterusedbyapersontaking5showersaweek,5minutespershower,withaflowrateof4gallonsperminute.Robbins,John,Diet/oraNewAmerica.governmentsdoleouttolivestockproducers,intheformofirrigation

subsidies,actuallycoststaxpayersoversevendollarsinlostwages,higherlivingcosts,andreducedbusinessincome."*Whatcanonepersondotosavemorewater?Theanswerseemsobvioustome:cutyourmeatcon-sumption.Here'ssomethingelseforyoutochewon.Didyouknowthatmoreenergyisconsumedbythebeefindustrythananyothersinglein-dustryintheUnitedStates?!ThepercentageofallrawmaterialsthattheUnitedStatesdevotestotheproductionoflivestockisastaggeringone-thirdofallenergyconsumption,andthefossilfuelrequiredtoproduceonepoundofbeefisroughlythirty-ninetimesthatrequiredtoproducetheequivalentproteinvalueinsoybeans.Ifyouwantedtosaveenergy,itwouldbewisertodriveyourcartotherestaurantdowntheblockthanifyouwalkedthere,fueledbythecaloriesyouconsumedfrofnaquarter-poundofbeeforchickenraisedbytheenergy-inefficientstandardoftheindustry.Areyouconcernedaboutnuclearpowerplants?Ifweweretore-duceby50percentourmeatconsumption,wecouldtotallyelimi-nateourrelianceonnuclearpowerthroughouttheUnitedStates,aswellassignificantlyorcompletelyreduceourrelianceonforeignoilimports,fOnefinalissuewe'reallconcernedaboutisworldhunger.With60millionpeopledyingeveryyearofstarvation,clearlyit'stimeforlistoexaminejusthowefficientlywe'reutilizingourresources.Remember,alldecisionshaveconsequences,andunlesswehavesomeunderstandingofthelong-termimpactonourplanet,wewillmakepoordecisions.Theamountoffoodproducedonanyprimeacreoflandismarkedlyreducedwhenthatfoodisbeef.Thesameacreoflandthatwouldproduce250poundsofbeefwouldproduce40,000poundsofpotatoes—roughlythedifferencebetweenfeedingoneperson,and160persons!**Thesameresourcesthatareusedtoproduceonepound

ofbeefcanproducesixteenpoundsofgrain,ftThelandrequiredtofeedonemeat-eaterforayearisthreeandaquarteracres;foralacto-ovo-vegetarian,one-halfacre;andonecompletevegetarian,one-sixthacre.^Inotherwords,oneacrecanfeedtwentytimesas*Fields,David, andRobinHur "America'sAppetite forMeat IsRuiningOurWater,"VegetarianTimes,January1985.tSpencer,Vivian, "RawMaterials in theUnitedStatesEconomy190&-1977,"TechnicalPaper47,Dept.ofCommerce,Dept.ofInterior,BureauofMines,citedinJ.Robbins.tRobbins,John.DietforaNewAmerica.**DepartmentofAgriculture,citedinJ.Robbins.ftRobbins,John,DietforaNewAmerica.^ Lappe, FrancesMoore, Diet for a Small Planet. Ballannne Books. © 1982,citedinJ.Robbins.501TheUltimateChallenge:WhatOnePersonCanDomanypeopleiftheyeatavegetariandiet!Forty-thousandchildrenstarveeveryday,yetweclearlyhavetheabilitytofeedthemifwejustmanageourresourcesmoreeffectively.What'smore,ifeveryAmericanweretoreducehisorhermeatintakebyjust10percent,thenumberofpeoplewhocouldbefedusingtheresourcesthatwouldbefreedfromgrowinglivestockwouldbe100million!*Thisisenoughfoodtofeedeverysinglestarvingman,woman,andchildonearth—andhaveasurplus.Obviously,we'dstillhavetodealwiththepoliticalchallengeofdistribution,butthefoodwouldcertainlybeavailable.Finally,oneofthemostimportantnaturalresourcesthatwearedepletingasaresultofourmeathabitisourtopsoil.Ittakesnature500yearstocreateoneinchoftopsoil,andwe'recurrentlylosingoneinchevery16years!Twohundredyearsago,ourcountryhadtwenty-oneinchesoftopsoil,andnowwehaveonlysixinches.!Theamountoftopsoillossthatisdirectlyrelatedtolivestockproductionis85percent.^Withoutadequatetopsoil,ourfoodchaincollapses,andwithitourabilitytoexist.MyinitialexposuretomostoftheabovestatisticsandthedevastatingimpactofmeateatingonourenvironmentwasthroughmygoodfriendJohnRobbins(whoisnotrelatedtomebybirth,yetwetrulyarebrothersinourcommitmenttomakingadifference).Johnwroteabook.Diet/oraNewAmerica,thatwasnominatedforaPulitzerPrize.IbelievethisbookhasaplaceinthehomeofeveryAmericanwhowantstobeaware

oftheeffectsoftheirdailydecisionsandactions.AsJohnmakesclear,thedecisionaboutwhattoputonyourdinnerplatetonightisonethathasprofoundprocessionaleffects.Itsetsinmotionawholeseriesofeventsandactivitiesthatareshapingthequalityoflifeonearth.Youmayask,"Howcanonepersonhopetoturnthetideofsuchanenormouschallenge?"JohnmaintainsthatthisbattlewillbewonnotonCapitolHillorintheboardrooms,butbyindividuals:"theshopperinthesupermarketstoppingatthemeatcounter,pickingupthatchucksteakmarked$3.98apound,andrealizingthatthey'reholdingintheirhandaverycostlyillusion.Behindthatlittlepricestickerhidestheforeststhathavebeencutdown,ourchildren'sfoodandwatersupply,ourchildren'stopsoil,theirfutureenvironment.Andwehavetolookatthatsteakandsay,'Thatcoststoomuch.'Realpowerliesinthe* Lester Brown of theWorldwatch Institute, cited by Resenberger, UNICEF,"StateoftheWorld's Children," adjusted using 1988 figures from the USDA, AgriculturalStatistics1989,citedinJ.Robbins.tHamack,Curtis, "In PlymouthCounty, Iowa, theRich Topsoil'sGoing Fast,Alas,"NewYorkTimes,July11,1980,citedinJ.Robbins.^ Hur, Robbin, Soil and Water Resources Conservation Act—Summary ofAppraisal,USDAReviewDraft,1980,citedinJ.Robbins.decisionsyoumakeinthesupermarketandinrestaurantsandin

yourkitchen."*TAKEASTANDBytakingastand,younotonlystopparticipatinginthemisuseofourresources,butyousendaclearmessagetobigbusinesseswhoselifebloodistiedtohamburger.Inrecentyears,food-servicecompanieslikeMc-Donald'sandCarl'sJr.(CarlKarcherEnterprises)havebeguntorespondtochangesinconsumertastesbyfeaturingsaladbarsandotheralterna-tivefoods.McDonald'salsorecentlystoppedusingpolystyrenecontain-ersforitsfoods,andasaresultestimatesthatitreduceditsproductionofhydrocarbonsby25percent,makingameasurabledifferencetowardanimprovedenvironment.Asaconsumer,usetheskillsthatyou'velearnedinthisbooktobringaboutpositivechange:knowwhatyouwant,useyourbuyingpowerasleveragetointerruptdestructive

patterns,causethecompaniestolookforalternatives,andthenreinforcethemforthedesiredbehaviorsbypatronizingtheirprod-uctsandservices.TEACHYOURCHILDRENWELL—LEADBYEXAMPLEAswithanychallenge,ourenvironmentalissuesrequireeducationandactiontocreatechange.Unfortunately,mostpeople'sideaofeducationistiedtobeinginschool,andtheystoplearningassoonastheygraduate—orevenbeforetheygraduate!Somanyteacherswhostartoutwithavisionofmakingadifferencehavefallenintothetrapoflearnedhelplessnessasaresultoftrymgtocopewithnumbingadministrativepoliciesandnotbeingpreparedtodealwiththepersonalitiesandreal-lifeissuesconfrontingtheirstudents.Yetthroughoutthisbookyou'vebeenexposedtomanymodelsofexcellencefromwhomwecanlearn.SohowcanyouandImakeadifference?Wecaneachtakeanactiveroleindeterminingthequalityofourchildren'seducation.Couldyourchildren'steacherbenefitbyun-derstandingthepowerofquestions,globalmetaphors.TransformationalVocabulary,values,rules,andconditioning?Sharewhatyou'velearned,andyoucantrulymakeadifferenceinthisarea.*"TheFateofOurPlanet,"BobbinsResearchReport.503TheUltimateChallenge:WhatOnePersonCanDoMostimportant,wemustteachourchildrentheconsequencesoftheiractions.Wemustmakethemawareoftheimpacttheyhaveonanindividualorlocalleveland,byextension,theircollectiveimpactonthegloballevel.Don'tletthemeverfallintothetrapofthinkingthattheiractionsdon'tmakeadifference—ifthere'sanythingI'vetriedtoconveyinthisbook,it'sthatevensmalldecisionsandsmallactions,consis-tentlymade,havefar-reachingconsequences.Oneofthebestwaystoensurethatyourchildgrowsupwithahealthysenseofself-esteemistoshowthemthattheirdecisionsandactions,consistentlymade,makeamajordifference.Howcanyoudothat?Demonstratewhat'spossiblebybeinganexample.Demonstratetoyourkidstheeffectofaskingempoweringquestions,livingaccordingtovaluesandrulesyou'veconsciouslychosen,andusingalltheotherstrategiesyou'velearnedthusfar.TherearesomanywaysthatyouandIcouldcontribute.Wedon'tneedtowaituntilwehaveagrandiosemasterplantomakeadifference.

Wecanhaveimpactinamoment,indoingthesmallestthings,makingwhatoftenseemlikeinsignificantdecisions.It'struethatmostofourheroesarehiddenbehindwhatseemlikesmallactsdoneconsistently.Lookaroundyou.Thereareheroeseverywhere,butwedon'tacknowl-edgethemwiththeaccoladestheydeservefordoingtheirjobseveryday.Themenandwomenwhoworkdayinanddayoutaspoliceofficersareclearlyheroes.Theyprotectus,theycreateforusasenseofsecurity,yetmanyofusseethemasourenemy.Firemenareheroes,yetwegenerallydon'tseetheminthatlightunlesswefindourselvesinanemergencysituation.Thesameprincipleholdstrueforambulancedrivers,911emergencydispatchers,crisis-interventioncounselors,andawholehostofotherunsungheroes.justbeingpreparedcanmakeallthedifference.Forexample,howwouldyoufeelifsomeonehadaheartattackinyourpresence,butyouwereCPR-certifiedandknewwhattodo?Whatifyourconcertedef-fortstokeeptheirbloodcirculating,despitetheapparentabsenceofanysignsoflife,actuallyresultedinsavingalife?Icanpromiseyouonething:thefeelingofcontributionyouwouldgetfromthatexpe-riencewouldgiveyouagreatersenseoffulfillmentandjoythanany-thingyou'veeverfeltinyourlife—greaterthananyacknowledgmentanyonecouldpossiblygiveyou,greaterthananyamountofmoneyyoucouldpossiblyearn,greaterthananyachievementyoucouldpossiblyhave.Thesearejustsomeofthemostdramaticexamples.Arethereotherwaysinwhichyoucouldcontribute?Youbet!Youcanbeaherobysimplybeingapeople-builder,thatis,bynoticingpeoplearoundyouandgivingthemsupport,encouragement,orareminderofwhotheyreallyare.Whatifyouwerewalkingthroughagrocerystore,andinsteadofmeanderingaimlesslyfromtheartichokestothezucchinis,youactuallynoticedandacknowledgedeachpersonyoupassedwithacheerfulgrin?Whatifyougaveasincerecomplimenttoastranger?Couldyou,inthatmoment,changetheiremotionalstateenoughsothattheycouldpassonthesmileorthecomplimenttothenextpersontheysawaswell?Perhapstotheirchildren?Couldtherebeaprocessionaleffectsetinmotionbythatoneaction?Therearesomanysimplewaystomakeadifference.Wedon'thavetogooutandsavesomebody'slife.Butmaybegettingthemtosmileissavingtheirlife,oratleastgettingthemtoenjoythelifethattheyalreadyhave.Whataresomeothersimplewaysyoucouldmakeadifference

today?Onyourwayhomefromwork,whatifyoudecidedtostopataseniorcitizens'home,walkin,andstrikeupaconversation?Howwoulditmakethemfeelifyouweretoask,"Whataresomeofthemostimportantlessonsyou'velearnedinyourlife?"I'llbetthey'dhaveplentytotellyou!Whatifyoustoppedatyourcommunityhospital,visitedapatientandhelpedbrightentheirafternoon?Evenifyoudidnothingbutlistentotheperson,you'dbeahero.Whyaresomanypeopleafraidtotakesuchsmallstepstohelpothers?Oneofthemostcommonreasonsisthattheyarejustembar-rassedtobedoingsomethingthey'reuncertainabout.They'reafraidofbeingrejectedorappearingfoolish.Butyouknowwhat?Ifyouwanttoplaythegameandwin,you'vegottoplay"fullout."You'vegottobewillingtofeelstupid,andyou'vegottobewillingtotrythingsthatmightnotwork—andiftheydon'twork,bewillingtochangeyourapproach.Otherwise,howcouldyouinnovate,howcouldyougrow,howcouldyoudiscoverwhoyoureallyare?"Youcan'tliveaperfectdaywithoutdoingsomething/orsomeonewhowillneverbeabletorepayyou."—JOHNWOODENIfwewanttochangethequalityoflifeinourcountry,thenweclearlyhavetoaffectthevaluesystemsofamassnumberofpeople.Ourfu-tureisinthehandsofouryouth.Theirvalueswillonedaybesoci-ety's.AsIwritethesewords.PresidentBushhasrecentlysignedadocumentthatoffersauniqueopportunityforusifwemaximizeitsuse.It'scalledtheNationalandCommunityServiceActof1990andisintendedtoprovideprogramfunds,training,andtechnicalassistancetoenablecommunitiestodevelopandexpandserviceopportunities.Whilethebillencouragesallcitizenstogiveoftheirtime,talents,and505TheUltimateChallenge:WhatOnePersonCanDoenergy,itisaimedspecificallyatinvolvingyoungpeopleinavarietyofworthwhileprojects.*Considerthesenseofcontributiontheseyoungpeoplewillexperi-encebyhelpingtheaged,physicallydisadvantaged,cancerpatients,func-tionallyilliterate,andothers.Throughthedailyexperienceofcontributing,theiridentitiesanddestinieswillbeprofoundlyaffected.Oncetouchedbythegratitudeofafellowhumanbeing,alifetrans-formsforever.Canyouimaginetheimpactifthemajorityofouryoungpeoplesharethisexperience?

Indeed,themostpowerfulprocessionaleffectyouwilleversetinmotionwillbeyourburgeoningsenseofcontribution.Weallhaveaneedtogobeyondourbasedrivestoavoidpainandgainpleasure.Ibelievethatinthedeepestpartofourselves,weallwanttodowhatwebelieveisright,togobeyondourselves,tocommitourenergy,time,emotion,andcapitaltoalargercause.Wemustmeetourmoralandspiritualneedsevenifitbringsuspainintheshortterm.Werespondnotjusttoourpsychologicalneeds,buttoourmoralimperativetodomoreandbemorethananyonecouldexpect.Nothinggivesusagreatersenseofpersonalsatisfactionthancontribution.Givingunselfishlyisthefoun-dationoffulfillment.Thepowerofsuchprogramsisthatbygivingtoothersonanongoingbasis,webegintoreorientourvaluestotheimportanceofcontribution.Asacountry,ifweembracethisonevalue,itcouldchangethefaceofthenationandexpandourinfluenceintheworldabroad.Don'tlimityour-selftothestructureofgovernment-backedprograms,however.Therearesomanyorganizationsthathaveacryingneedformanpowerandexpertise,aswellasfinancialandphysicalresources.Imaginetheimpactif,regardlessofrewardorlackthereof,Americansasawholemakecontributionamust.Doyourealizethatifeveryoneinthecountry(excepttheveryyoungandelderly)weretocontributeonlythreehoursaweek,ournationwouldreaptherewardsofover320millionhoursofmuch-neededmanpowerdedicatedtothosecausesthatneeditmost?Ifweallweretocontributefivehours,theHgurewouldjumptohalfabillionhourswithamonetaryvalueinthetrillions!Doyouthinkwecouldhandleafewsocialchallengeswiththiskindofcommitment?Contributingyourtimetoanyoneofthefollowingwilldefinitelyalteryourperceptionsofwhoyouareandstartyouonthepathofbecomingahero.* For more information on National and Community Service, please contactyourcongressper-son or The Commission on National and Community Service, The NationalPressBuilding,52914thStreetNW,4thFloor,Washington,DC20004,tel.202-724-0600.Herearesomeofthewaysyoucanhelp.Asmallamountoftimecanmakeabigdifference.Considerthepossibilityofcommittingafewhoursaweekorafewhoursamonthinoneofthefollowingareaswithinyourcommunity:

ProgramsforthementallyandphysicallydisadvantagedRemedialtutoringinbasicskillsDaycareVoterregistrationVolunteercitizenpatrols(NeighborhoodWatch)Librarywork—reshelving,cataloguingBookdistributiontobedriddenEnergyconservationParkmaintenance^Communityclean-updrivesWalk-a-thonsDrugeducationHotlinecounselingBigBrother/BigSisterprogramsInternationalfamilyadoptionOutreachprogramsEmergencyaidPaintingandbuildingbeautificationOrphanageprogramsArtsandculturalmuseumsHostingexchangestudentsRecyclingprograms507TheUltimateChallenge:WhatOnePersonCanDoAGIFTOFPOSSIBILITY:ANINVITATIONTOCONTRIBUTEHowdoesoneembracethehomeless,healcriminals,rejuvenatetheaged,andmobilizetheyoung?OneexcitingopportunityforyoutocontributeistoworkinpartnershipwithmethroughTheAnthonyRobbinsFoun-dation.Weareanonprofitorganizationformedtocreateacoalitionofcaringprofessionalswhohavecommittedtoconsistentlyreachandassistpeoplewhoareoftenforgottenbysociety.Weareaggressivelyworkingtomakeadifferenceinthequalityoflifeforchildren,thehomeless,theprisonpopulation,andtheelderly.TheFoundationisdedicatedtopro-vidingthefinestresourcesforinspiration,education,training,andde-velopmentfortheseimportantmembersofoursociety.Ifoundeditastheresultofmyownlifeexperience.Yearsago,Idecidedthatcontributionisnotanobligation;it'sanopportunitytogivesomethingback.WhenIwaselevenyearsold,my

familydidnothaveenoughmoneyoneyeartoaffordatraditionalThanksgivingdinner,andacharitableorganizationdeliveredfoodtoourdoor.Sincethen,helpingthehungryandhomelesshasbecomeoneofthemissionstowhichI'vededicatedmylife,and,everyThanksgivingsinceIwaseighteen,I'vemadeanddeliveredfoodbasketstoneedyfamilies.ItwasalsoattheageofeighteenthatIfirstjoinedtheChinoprisonsupportsystem.Asaresultofmycommunityservice,Iformedanidentityasaphilanthropist,apersonwhowouldtrulymakeadifference,someonewhowascommitted.Itincreasedmypride,myintegrity,andmycapacitytogivemoretootherpeopleaswell.Anditallowedmetoinspireotherstodothesame.Becauseofthemassiveexposurethatmybooks,tapes,andtelevisionshowshaveproduced,Idailyreceivelettersfrompeoplefromallovertheworldcallingoutforhelp.SomeofthemostprofoundandmovingtransformationsIhearabouthavebeenmadebyprisonersandthosewhoarenolongerhomeless.Asaresult,theFoundationhasmadeavail-ableacomplimentarycopyofmythirty-dayaudiolibrary,PersonalPower,aswellasacopyofmyfirstbook.UnlimitedPower,toeveryprisonsystemintheUnitedStates.Asofthiswriting,we'reintheprocessofcontactingeachhomelessshelterinthecountrytomakethemthesameoffer.I'vededicated10percentoftheroyaltiesfromthisbooktotheFoundationinordertofundthesetapedistributions.Inaddition,AnthonyRobbins&Associates,™thefranchiseeswhorepresentmewithmyvideo-basedseminarsacrosstheUnitedStates,iscommittedtocon-ductinguptotwoprogramsayearinitsrespectivecommunitiesatnocharge.Theseprogramsareheldinprisons,homelessshelters,higb—i

schools,andseniorcitizencenters.Ifyou'dliketojoinforceswithus,pleasecontacttheFoundation,ancriconsiderenrollinginourCommit-2program.It'sasimpleandbalancecrdwaytocauseyourselftogrowpersonallyandtocontributeinawaythaL-ttrulymakesadifference.ThroughCommit-2youcangiveothersthegiEEtofpossibilitythroughamonthlycommitmenttobrieflyvisitanassigne«c=dprisoner,elderlyperson,homelessadultorchild,andbeatruefriendB.Youcanalsocommittohelpsupportoneofourannualprograms.W.esponsoraYouthLeadershipProgram,theThanksgivingBasketBrr-gade,prisonseminars,andaprojectfortheelderly,ProjectWisdocsan(moreinformationfollowsthischapter).Certainlyyou'renotlimitedtoworkingwithourFoundationtomak=:e

adifference.Thereareorganizationsinyourcommunityrightnowths^atneedyourhelp.Infact,I'vedesignedmyFoundationtoempowerlocaalorganizationsalreadyinplacetosucceed.OurFoundationmembersaacretrainedinhowtomakeameasurabledifferenceforthepeopletheycoacrdimonthly.Whileadifferentcoachingstyleisnecessaryfordifferentchau^l-lenges,therearesomeuniversalprinciples.Weallneedtoraiseourstaasm-dards,changeourbeliefs,anddevelopnewstrategiesforpersonalsuccess-s.Inhelpingpeople,weneedtoprovideprofoundknowledge—simple,bas—icdistinctionsthatcanimmediatelyincreasethequalityoftheirlives.Ve:'-a-yoftentheyneedtobreakthroughlearnedhelplessnessanddevelopne==widentities.Theseareskillsandstrategies,obviously,thatformtheback-boneofmytechnology,andthereforewewantallthosewhoareinvolv.«Kedinthisprogramtohavemasteryoftheseskillsaswell.Ifyou'reinterest-t^edinfindingoutmore,pleasecontactusat1-800-964-2200,ext.TR."Onlythosewhohavelearnedthepowerofsincereandselflesscontributionexperiencelife'sdeepestjoy:true/ulfillment."—ANTHONYROBBINSIfasimpleAlbaniannun,withnoresourcesexceptherfaithandco»—m-mitment,canpositivelyaffectthelivesofsomany,thencertainlyyouau.ndIcandealwithwhateverchallengeswehavebeforeus.IfEdRobertsa^r-anemergefromhisironlungeachmorningtofigureouthowtochangeanentirenation'sattitudestowardthephysicallydisadvantaged—awidsucceed—thenmaybeyouandIcanbeheroes,too.Ifonepersonxc=ansingle-handedlymobilizeanationthroughavideotapeandan$£;-BOOinvestmenttostopthemurderingofdolphins,thenmaybeyouandI—canalsosetpowerfuleffectsinmotion.Oftenwedon'tknowwherethecbnuain509TheUltimateChallenge:WhatOnePersonCanDoofeventswillleadus.Trustyourintuitionandgiveofyourheart;you'llbesurprisedatthemiraclesthatwilloccur.Ifyou'llcommittogivinganhourortwoonceamonth,itwillenhanceyouridentityandyou'llbecomecertainthatyouare"thekindofperson"whotrulycares,whotakesdeliberateactiontomakeadifference.You'lldiscoverthatyouhavenoproblemsinyourbusiness,becauseyou'veseenwhatrealproblemsare.Theupsetsyouthoughtyouhadbecauseyourstockwentdowntodaytendtodisappearwhenyoucarryamanwithnolegstohisbed,orwhenyoucradleanAIDSbabyinyourarms."Verily,greatgracemaygowithalittlegift;and

preciousareallthingsthatcome/romJriends."/—THEOCRITUSOnceyou'vemasteredtheelementsofthisbook,yourabilitytodealwithyourownchallengesbecomesaminorfocus.Whatusedtobedifficultbecomeseasy.Atthispoint,you'llfindyourselfredirectingyourenergiesfromconcentratingprimarilyonyourselftoimprovingwhat'shappeninginyourfamily,yourcommunity,andpossiblytheworldaroundyou.Theonlywaytodosowithalastingsenseoffulfillmentisthroughunselfishcontribution.Sodon'tlookforheroes;beone!Youdon'thavetobeMotherTeresa(althoughyoucould,ifyoudesired!).However,makebalanceyourwatchword.Strivetorbalanceratherthanperfection.Mostpeopleliveinablack-and-whiteworldwheretheythinkthatthey'reeitheravolunteerwithnolifeoftheirown,orjustamaterialistic,achievement-orientedpersonwhodoesn'tcaretomakeadifference.Don'tfallintothistrap.Lifeisabalancebetweengivingandreceiving,betweentakingcareofyourselfandtakingcareofothers.Yes,givesomeofyourtime,capitalandenergytothosewhotrulyneedit—butalsobewillingtogivetoyourself.Anddosowithjoy,notwithguilt.Youdon'thavetotaketheweightoftheworldonyourshoul-ders.Morepeoplewouldcontributeiftheyrealizedthattheydidn'thavetogiveanythinguptodoso.Sodoalittle,andknowthatitcanmeanalot.Ifeveryonedidthis,fewerpeoplewouldhavetodosomuch,andmorepeoplewouldbehelped!Thenexttimeyouseesomeonewho'sintrouble,insteadoffeelingguiltybecauseyouhavesomanyblessingsandtheydon't,feelasenseofexcitementthatyoumightbeabletodojustsomelittlethingthatcould make them think about themselves in a new way or simply feelappreciatedorloved.Youdon'thavetocommityourwholelifetothis.Justbesensitive;learntoaskpeoplenewquestionsthatwillempowerthem;touchtheminanewway.Capturethesemomentsofopportunity,andcontributionwillbeapleasureratherthanaburden.Ioftenmeetpeoplewholiveinpainbecausetheyconstantlyfocusontheinjusticesoflife.Afterall,howcouldachildbebomblind,withoutthechancetoeverexperiencethewonderofarainbow?Howcanamanwhohasneverhurtanyonehisentirelifebecomeavictimofadrive-byshoot-ing?Themeaningandthepurposebehindsomeeventsareunknow-able.Thisistheultimatetestofourfaith.Wemusttrustthateveryoneinlifeisheretoleamdifferentlessonsatdifferenttimes,thatgoodandbadexperiencesareonlytheperceptionsofman.Afterall,someofyourworst

experienceshavetrulybeenyourbest.They'vesculptedyou,trainedyou,developedwithinyouasensitivityandsetyouinadirectionthatreachesouttoimpactyourultimatedestiny.Remembertheadage,"Whenthestu-dentisready,theteacherwillappear."Bytheway,justwhenyouthinkthatyou'retheteacher,takeanotherlook—you'reprobablytheretoleamsomethingfromthispersonyou'resobusyteaching!"Somebodyshouldtellus,rightatthestartofourlives,thatwearedying.Thenwemightlivelifetothelimit,everyminuteofeveryday.Doit!Isay.Whateveryouwanttodo,doitnow!Thereareonlysomanytomorrows."—MICHAELLANDON511TheUltimateChallenge:WhatOnePersonCanDoWhat'sthemessage?Livelifefullywhileyou'rehere.Experienceevery-thing.Takecareofyourselfandyourfriends.Havefun,becrazy,beweird.Gooutandscrewup!You'regoingtoanyway,soyoumightaswellenjoytheprocess!Taketheopportunitytoleamfromyourmistakes:findthecauseofyourproblemandeliminateit.Don'ttrytobeperfect;justbeanexcellentexampleofbeinghuman.Constantlyfindwaystoimproveyourself.PracticethedisciplineofCANI!;bealifelonglearner.TakethetimenowtosetupyourMasterSystemsothatthegameoflifeiswinnable.Letyourhumanity—yourcaringforyourselfandothers—betheguidingprincipleofyourlife,butdon'ttreatlifesoseriouslythatyoulosethepowerofspontaneity,thepleasurethatcomesfrombeingsillyandbeingakid.Eighty-six-year-oldNadineStairsaiditbest:"IfIhadmylifetoliveoverasain,I'ddaretomakemoremistakesnexttime.I'drelax.I'dlimberup.I'dbesillierthanI'vebeenthistrip.Iwouldtakefewerthinssseriously.Iwouldtakemorechances,Iwouldtakemoretrips,Iwouldclimbmoremountainsandswimmorerivers.Iwouldeatmoreicecreamandlessbeans.Iwould,perhaps,havemoreactualtroublesbutfewerimasinaryones.Yousee,I'moneofthosepeoplewhowassensibleandsane,hourafterhour,dayafterday.Oh,I'vehadmymoments.IfIhadittodooveragain,I'dhavemoreofthem.Infact,I'dtrytohavenothinselse—justmoments,oneafteranother,insteadoflivingsomanyyearsaheadofeachday.I'vebeenoneofthosepersonswhonevergoesanywherewithoutathermom-

eter,ahot-waterbottle,araincoat,andaparachute.IfIcoulddoitagain,IwouldtravellighterthanIhave.IfIhadmylifetoliveover,1wouldstartbarefootearlierinthespringandstaythatwaylaterinthefall.Iwouldgotomoredances,Iwouldridemoremerry-go-rounds,Iwouldpickmoredaisies."—NADINESTAIRHowdoyouwanttoberemembered?Asagiantamongmen?Startactingthatwayrightnow!Whywaittobememorable?Liveeachdayasifitwereoneofthemostimportantdaysofyourlife,andyou'llexpe-riencejoyatawholenewlevel.Somepeopletrytoconservetheirenergysothatthey'lllastlonger.Idon'tknowaboutyou,butIbelievethatwhat'smostimportantisnothowlongwelive,buthowwelive.I'dratherwearoutthanrustout!Let'shavetheendfindusclimbinganewmountain.IthinkoneofthegreatestgiftsourCreatorha-sgivenusisthegiftofanticipationandsuspense.Howboringlifewouldbeifweknewhowitwouldallturnoutinadvance!Thetruthisthatinlife,weneverknowwhat'sgoingtohappennext!Inthenextfewmorments,somethingcouldhappenthatcouldchangetheentiredirectionanc3qualityofyourlifeinaninstant.Wemustlearntolovechange,foritistheonlythingthatiscertain.Whatcanchangeyourlife?Manythings:amomentofdeepthoughtandafewdecisionsasyoucompletethisbookcox-ildchangeeverything.Socouldaconversationwithafriend,atape,aseminar,amovie,orabig,fat,juicy"problem"thatcausesyoutoexpandandbecomemore.Thisistheawakeningyouseek.Soliveinanattitudeerfpositiveexpectancy,knowingthateverythingthathappensinyourlifebenefitsyouinsomeway.Knowthatyouareguidedalongapathofnever-endinggrowthandlearning,andwithit,thepathofeverlastLaiglove.Finally,asIleaveyounow,IjustwanttotellyouhowmuchIrespectandappreciateyouasaperson.We'venevermet,Txititsurefeelslikeit,doesn'tit?Whilewemaynothavemetfaceto*face,we'vecertainlytouchedhearts.You'veofferedmeagreatgiftinallowingmetosharepartsofmylifeandmyskillswithyou,andmysinLcerehopeisthatsomeofwhatwe'vesharedherehasmovedyouinaspecialway.Ifyou'llnowusesomeofthesestrategiestoincreasethequalit^yofyourlife,thenI'llfeelveryluckyindeed.Ihopeyou'llstayintouchwithme.Ihopeyou'llwritetomeorthatwe'llhavetheprivilegeofmeetingpersonallyin.aseminar,ataFoun-

dationfunction,orbya"chance"crossingofourp»aths.Pleasebesuretointroduceyourself.Ilookforwardtomeetingyouandhearingthestoryofyourlife'ssuccess.Tilthen,remembertoexpectmiracles...becauseyouareone.Beabearerofthelightand,aforceforgood.Inowpassthetorchontoyou.Shareyourgifts;shareyourpassion.AndmayGodblessyou."Someday,afterwehavemasteredthewinds,thewaves,thetideandgravity,weshall1-iamessforGodtheenergiesoflove.Then,forthesec«ondtimeinthehistoryoftheworld,manwillhave(S.iscoveredfire."—TEILHARDDECHARDIN

ContentsDREAMSOFDESTINY1DECISIONS:THEPATHWAYTOPOWER11

THEFORCETHATSHAPESYOURLIFE27BELIEFSYSTEMS:43CANCHANGEHAPPENINANINSTANT?67OFNEUROASSOCIATIVECONDITIONING™78HOWTOGETWHATYOUREALLYWANT98QUESTIONSARETHEANSWER121THEVOCABULARYOFULTIMATESUCCESS139THEPOWEROFLIFEMETAPHORS160THETENEMOTIONSOFPOWER173CREATINGACOMPELLINGFUTURE193THETEN-DAYMENTALCHALLENGE220ULTIMATEINFLUENCE:YOURMASTERSYSTEM229

LIFEVALUES:YOURPERSONALCOMPASS240RULES:IFYOU'RENOTHAPPY,HERE'SWHY!262REFERENCES:THEFABRICOFLIFE282IDENTITY:THEKEYTOEXPANSION297EMOTIONALDESTINY:THEONLYTRUESUCCESS-DAYONE314

PHYSICALDESTINY:PRISONOFPAINORPALACEOFPLEASUREDAYTWO316RELATIONSHIP DESTINY: THE PLACE TO SHARE AND CARE -DAYTHREE324FINANCIAL DESTINY: SMALL STEPS TO A SMALL (OR LARGE)FORTUNE-DAYFOUR327MASTERYOURTIMEANDYOURLIFE–DAYSIX343RESTANDPLAY:EVENGODTOOKONEDAYOFF!DAYSEVEN346THEULTIMATECHALLENGE:WHATONEPERSONCANDO348

TableofContentsDREAMSOFDESTINYDECISIONS:THEPATHWAYTOPOWERTHEFORCETHATSHAPESYOURLIFEBELIEF SYSTEMS: THE POWER TO CREATE AND THE POWER TO

DESTROYCANCHANGEHAPPENINANINSTANT?HOW TO CHANGE ANYTHING IN YOUR LIFE: THE SCIENCE OF

NEUROASSOCIATIVECONDITIONING™HOWTOGETWHATYOUREALLYWANTQUESTIONSARETHEANSWERTHEVOCABULARYOFULTIMATESUCCESSDESTROYTHEBLOCKS,BREAKDOWNTHEWALL,LETGOOFTHE

ROPE,ANDDANCEYOURWAYTOSUCCESS:THEPOWEROFLIFEMETAPHORS

THETENEMOTIONSOFPOWERTHEMAGNIFICENTOBSESSION-CREATINGACOMPELLINGFUTURETHETEN-DAYMENTALCHALLENGULTIMATEINFLUENCE:YOURMASTERSYSTEMLIFEVALUES:YOURPERSONALCOMPASSRULES:IFYOU'RENOTHAPPY,HERE'SWHY!REFERENCES:THEFABRICOFLIFEIDENTITY:THEKEYTOEXPANSIONEMOTIONALDESTINY:THEONLYTRUESUCCESS-DAYONEPHYSICALDESTINY:PRISONOFPAINORPALACEOFPLEASUREDAY

TWORELATIONSHIP DESTINY: THE PLACE TO SHARE AND CARE -DAY

THREEFINANCIAL DESTINY: SMALL STEPS TO A SMALL (OR LARGE)

FORTUNE-DAYFOURBEIMPECCABLE:YOURCODEOFCONDUCTMASTERYOURTIMEANDYOURLIFE–DAYSIXRESTANDPLAY:EVENGODTOOKONEDAYOFF!DAYSEVENTHEULTIMATECHALLENGE:WHATONEPERSONCANDOContents