don't negotiate like a dick
DESCRIPTION
TRANSCRIPT
![Page 1: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/1.jpg)
A DICK
DON’TNEGOTIATE LIKE A DICK
INTEGRATIVE NEGOTIATION ADVICE FROM ROGER FISHER AND WILLIAM URY
https://www.flickr.com/photos/23950335@N07/
![Page 2: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/2.jpg)
there is a widely held misunderstanding about what great
negotiation is
![Page 3: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/3.jpg)
and that misconception is that great negotiation is fair for all sides
![Page 4: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/4.jpg)
i’ll let you in on a little secret
![Page 5: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/5.jpg)
great negotiation is not about being fair
![Page 6: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/6.jpg)
your choices are not limited to win-lose (unfair outcomes) or
win-win (fair outcomes)
![Page 7: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/7.jpg)
in fact, there is a third option
![Page 8: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/8.jpg)
and that is what great negotiation is all about
![Page 9: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/9.jpg)
the key to understanding this third option is to disabuse yourself of the notion that win-win is about
being fair
![Page 10: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/10.jpg)
what you’ve been defining as win-win, is actually lose-lose
![Page 11: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/11.jpg)
let me explain by way of an example and a story
![Page 12: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/12.jpg)
by way of example, let’s assume that we are negotiating over 100%
of something
![Page 13: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/13.jpg)
win-lose occurs when we split the 100% in an unfair distribution, let’s
say i get 60% and you get 40%
![Page 14: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/14.jpg)
in this case, i win and you lose
![Page 15: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/15.jpg)
and as a result, we may have damaged our long-term relationship
a bit
![Page 16: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/16.jpg)
then there is the case where we split the 100% fairly
![Page 17: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/17.jpg)
i get 50% and you get 50%
![Page 18: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/18.jpg)
in practice, this is what most of us call win-win
![Page 19: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/19.jpg)
but in fact, this is lose-lose
![Page 20: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/20.jpg)
although we may remain friends after the encounter
![Page 21: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/21.jpg)
both of us end up equally disappointed with what we got
![Page 22: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/22.jpg)
so if win-lose is unfair and unhappy negotiation and lose-lose is fair, but unsatisfying negotiation, then what
is win-win?
![Page 23: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/23.jpg)
win-win negotiation happens when each of us gets 100%.
* win-win negotiation is also known as integrative (not distributive) negotiation is defined in greater detail by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their seminal book, Getting to Yes
![Page 24: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/24.jpg)
huh?!?!
![Page 25: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/25.jpg)
how can two people get 100% of 100%
![Page 26: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/26.jpg)
easy
![Page 27: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/27.jpg)
turn the original 100% into 200%
![Page 28: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/28.jpg)
you do this with creativity and by listening to, and understanding, the
underlying interests of each party
![Page 29: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/29.jpg)
here is a story from Fisher & Ury that demonstrates the magic of
200%….
![Page 30: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/30.jpg)
a mother returns home from a long day at the office and finds her two
daughters in the kitchen fighting
![Page 31: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/31.jpg)
they are screaming at each other and locked in a tug of war
![Page 32: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/32.jpg)
the mother sees that they are fighting over an orange
![Page 33: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/33.jpg)
she forcefully separates the girls
![Page 34: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/34.jpg)
and with both the girls complaining loudly, she grabs a sharp knife from
the counter top
![Page 35: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/35.jpg)
no, this is not a greek tragedy and there will be no infanticide
![Page 36: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/36.jpg)
instead, quietly and confidently, she cuts the orange in half and gives each girl half of the fruit
![Page 37: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/37.jpg)
proud to have once more demonstrated mother’s wisdom at
finding a win-win solution, and enjoying the relative quiet that has
now descended, she starts to leave the kitchen
![Page 38: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/38.jpg)
but she stops short of the door as something incredibly odd happens
![Page 39: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/39.jpg)
the first daughter peels the half orange, throws the peel in the
garbage shoot and eats the fruit
![Page 40: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/40.jpg)
she then goes to the refrigerator to look for a bit more food, as she
remains a bit hungry
![Page 41: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/41.jpg)
simultaneously, and to the great surprise of the mother, the second
daughter peels the orange and throws the fruit down the garbage
shoot!
![Page 42: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/42.jpg)
the second daughter then goes to the counter top and starts
calculating ingredients to bake half an orange cake, since she has only
half the needed orange peel
![Page 43: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/43.jpg)
oh dear
![Page 44: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/44.jpg)
you see what has happened right?
![Page 45: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/45.jpg)
both daughters could have had 100% of what they wanted, but
instead, because of the seductive fallacy of fairness, they got 50%
![Page 46: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/46.jpg)
what the mother should have done, before jumping straight to the
solution based on the apparent positions of the children (I want the
orange)
![Page 47: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/47.jpg)
was to ask, “why”
![Page 48: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/48.jpg)
why do you want the orange?
![Page 49: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/49.jpg)
and this leads to real win-win negotiation
![Page 50: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/50.jpg)
so when you are negotiating with partners, employees, bosses, vendors, children, or friends
![Page 51: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/51.jpg)
do not allow yourself to settle for win-lose or lose-lose
![Page 52: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/52.jpg)
push yourself to find the 200% solution
![Page 53: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/53.jpg)
* and check out Getting to Yes by Fisher and Ury for lots more
detailed advice
![Page 54: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/54.jpg)
SHARE THIS DECK & FOLLOW ME(please-oh-please-oh-please-oh-please)
stay up to date with my future slideshare posts
http://www.slideshare.net/selenasol/presentationshttps://twitter.com/eric_tachibana
http://www.linkedin.com/pub/eric-tachibana/0/33/b53
Please note that all content & opinions expressed in this deck are my own and
don’t necessarily represent the position of my current, or any previous, employers
![Page 55: Don't Negotiate Like a Dick](https://reader033.vdocuments.site/reader033/viewer/2022061104/53e9eaa18d7f7289708b4f61/html5/thumbnails/55.jpg)
CLICK HERE FOR MORE!!!!