This is George.He lived in the Bush.He was a good-for-little monkeybrainand always very curious.

One day George saw a man.He had on a large yellow dunce cap.The man saw George too.“What a nice-for-little monkeybrain,”

he thought.“I would like to take him home with

me and get him into my oldschools as a legacy student.Wouldn’t be prudent, but whatfun!”

He put his cap on George’s head.George couldn’t see.

George sat on a littlestool and theman said,

“George, I am goingto take you to aBiz School

in a big city. You willlike it there.

And curiously, you will like to shut outthose without your God-givenluxuries and hard-earned merit.Affirmative?

Now run along and play,but don’t get into trouble.”George promised to be good.But it is easy for little monkeybrains to

forget.

The man picked George up quicklyand paid his old elite academy for

George’s passageto his old Ivy-covered university.George was sad, but he was still a little

curious.

Andover

As a Deke he found some Skulls andBones.

He was very curious.He HAD to try whatever looked easy.But—oh, what happened!First this— and then this!

George did nothing but sit on his books.But after a good mealand a good pipe

Georgefeltverytired.Curi-ously,this

taught George to dislike naughtypeople who use pipes made ofglass.

He fell asleep at once, and dreamed ofshutting them in a prison.

At least those without his God-givenluxuries and hard-earned merit.

SS Yale

While George was sleeping,DING-A-LING-A-LING!SOMEONE HAD SET OFF A FIRE

ALARM!The fire fighters looked for the signalon the big map that showedwhere the flare-up was.They didn’t know it was DEMO-

CRATIC AND LIBERATING.They thought it was a real fire.

VIETNAM

HURRY! HURRY! HURRY!The fighters jumped on to their

fighting engines.Ding-dong-ding-dong.Everyone into the fray!Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!

The fighters rushed into George’shouse.

“Oh, draft him, draft him,” they cried.George tried to dodge away.He was curious about how he could flyso the fighters couldn’t catch him.

Down in the streetstood a balloon man.He gave balloons to boysif they did very

well in schooland could pass a test.George watched.He was curious

again.He felt he MUST

havea bright red balloon.He reached over andtried to help himself, but—he got the lowest possible test score.How could he get away from the

fighters?

George didn’t know what to do,and then he heard someone call,“GEORGE!”he looked and saw his friend,the man with the big yellow cap!

George was very happy.The man was happy too.The man with the big yellow capput him under

his arm.Then he paid

the balloonman

for all theballoons.

Texas

Air Guard

In an instantthe wind whisked them all awayand, with them, went George,holding tight with both hands.

Up, up he sailed, higher and higher.He saw the fighters burning villages to

save them.The burning huts looked like toy

burning hutsand the burning people like burning

dolls.George was frightened.He held on very tight.

and he hid among the bushes for awhole year.

Everyone was surprised.

“WHERE IS GEORGE?”The fighters looked and lookeduntil at last the fighting was over.George was free!He remembered that the man in the

yellow caphad told him to go to Biz School.He tried to get into one near his house,but they didn’t let him in.He had not learned nearly enough in

school.But he had learned that the man in the

yellow capcould always help him!And at last, away they went

Curiously, seeing the carnage fromthis safe distance made Georgewant to use the fighters againstpeople he disliked.

At least if they were without his God-given luxuries and hard-earnedmerit.

And at least if they didn’t have theirown fighters.

Especially if they had anything to dowith those naughty glass pipes.

At first the wind blew in great gusts.Then it quieted.Finally it stopped blowing altogether.George was very tired.Down, down he went—bump,

to BIZ SCHOOL!What a nice placefor George to live it up!

Harvard Yard

Next Adventure ...

This is George.He lived it up in Biz School.

He was a good-for-little monkeybrainand always very curious.

He wanted to find out what was goingon outside of Biz School.

He did not like to work, at Biz or atSchool, but he did like to play and

made many buddies there.

One day, George gothold of the key to escapefrom both Biz and School.

His friend, the elephant,would try to find him a

nice cozy spot in the State Capitol,where monkeybrains get to make uprules for everybody else and don’t evenhave to follow them.

George wantedto make rulesagainst glass-pipeusers or againstpeople without hisGod-given luxuriesand hard-earnedmerits.

Once in the street George felt a littlescared. That was a long time ago whenthe people were allowed to choose whowould make their rules. The people fromthe big city liked a donkey who had notdone so poorly as George in School.

What should he do? Maybe he couldfind his friend, the man with the yellowhat, who had brought him up from theBush. Only George did not know wherehe lived, sincethe man was di-rector of a spyagency.

So Georgeplayed a trickon the people.

Right in the center of the town thereare precious extinct dinosaurs buriedunder the ground. George pretended tohave a Biz that hunted for the burieddinosaurs, but George did not knowwhere to look first. Even though hedidn’t look underground, after a whileGeorge got tired and a little dizzy.

He also pretended that he had beenan active fighter after the big fire alarm.

George alsopromised to bea good, rulemaker, but littlemonkeybrainssometimes for-get …

But next morning George’s friend,the man with the big yellow cap, wasbuying his newspaper. Suddenly he gotvery excited. “This is George!” heshouted when he saw the picture on thefront page. Quickly he read the wholestory and then ran to a telephone boothto ring some rich people.

Here was his chance.In a moment he would be safe from

Biz and School!Poor little George! He had forgot-

ten that the people were hard to please… not like the soft touch of the Bush.

Too bad! The people chose the don-key and George would have to work af-ter all. He was very unhappy.

And it had all started out so nicely!If only he had not been socurious in School he couldhave had a lot of fun at theState Capitol.Now it was toolate…

“I am George’sfriend,” he saidto the rich peoplewho answeredthe telephone.“Please takegood care of himso that he will getrich quickly. Iam soon going to

become the Chief Commander of thefighters, so what I say goes. Don’t let himget into any more mischief.”

The rich people wanted to be friendswith the man in the yellow cap. So theylent George a lot of money so he couldget help hunting for buried dinosaurs.

One day George looked in a largebuilding. It was the Museum. Georgedid not know what a Museum was. Hewas curious.

In one room George saw somethingso enormous it took his breath away. Itwas a dinosaur. He looked at the dino-saur and then at the baby dinosaur.

At first George was scared, but thenhe noticed that they did not move. They

were not alive,they were stuffedanimals, put intothe Museum sothat everybodycould get a goodlook at them.

He climbed up the dinosaur’s neckand started to pull the palm tree full ofnuts, but the nuts would not come off(George did not know they were not realeither). he pulled harder and harder, thetree began to sway …

CRASH! Down came the tree on thedinosaur’s head, down came the dino-saur, and down came George!

George had to pay for the damage,and that took all the money the richpeople had lent him.

He felt so ashamed he almost wishedhe were dead …

Suddenly thedoor opened.

“ G e o r g e ! ”somebody shouted. Itwas his friend, theman with the yellowcap! “It seems yougot yourself into a lotof trouble today,” he

said. “But maybe this letter here will getyou out of it. It’s from Mr. Richman; hedoesn’t care about the money; he onlywants to be our friend now that I’ve be-come second in line to be the Chief. Heoffers you a million dollars and he onlyasks for one tenth of your worthlessstuffed-dinosaur-hunting Biz in return!”

Now George was rich and his friendwould soon be Chief, so next time thepeople were sure to choose him to go tothe State Capitol.

George did not want to hunt for di-nosaurs any more. He still wanted toplay games and make rules instead ofworking.

“Eight richrangers are

trying to get anew baseball

stadium today,George,” said

his friend.“Why don’t we go and cheer them on?”

There were lots of people living inhomes where the rangers wanted to

build their new ball park. The rangersneeded an umpire from the StateCapitol to get these people out.

George was curious. Could he play too?He told the rangers of his friends in the

State Capitol and how he would getthere soon. All he wanted in return was

to become the ninth ranger and tomanage the team.

Monkeybrains do not make goodmanagers. George even fired a blackplayer named Sammy who was great

at hitting home runs.“Somebody get that monkeybrain!”

The players ran after George.He ran into the State Capitol and

found an umpire.

“PLAYHARDBALL!”

shouted the umpire tothe rangers.

“YOU’RE OUT!”shouted the umpire to

the people who hadhomes where the

rangers wanted theirnew stadium.

Then he made everyonein the city give money tothe rangers to build thenew stadium, whether or

not they were fans.

Curiously, this taught George that therangers would not have become rich,and the shiny new stadium would not

have been built, if the money had beenwasted on welfare, for poor children

or homeless hobos.

Later, when he soldhis one-ninth share of the team,

they gave George a big gold lonestar.

Next Adventure ...

This is George.He wants to live in the White House

of the Fighter Chief, just as the man withthe yellow cap had done.

George is a little monkeybrain, andall monkeybrains are spurious.

But no monkeybrain is as spuriousas George.

That is why his name is SpuriousGeorge.

Only rule makers and fighters getchosen to be Chief. But long ago Georgehad flown balloons and gone into hid-ing for a year to escape being a fighter.And the people had chosen a donkey in-stead of him when he tried to become arule maker.

But now that he had been given abig gold lonestar for managing the base-ball team, the people chose him to re-place the donkey who was Manager atthe State Capitol.

George promised to be a good Man-ager. But it is easy for littlemonkeybrains to forget.

Spurious Georgeand the Big White House

A Manager has to make rules forpeople and decide how to spend themoney they pitch in for everyone’s good.George learned that this was hard workafter all.

He was unhappy.Instead of working he liked to spend

hours each day playing on the junglegym and taking naps and playing withhis electrical toys.

So he tried to makeas few rules as possible,and he tried to giveaway as much money aspossible instead ofspending it foreveryone’s good.

George was grateful to his richfriends. He especially liked to give awaymoney to them. And he especially dis-liked making rules for them.

He liked to let them make their ownpretend rules that they could break ifthey liked.

So he didn’t care when his friendsdumped poisonous garbage ineveryone’s water and air.

The garbage made more people needto go to the hospital. But George dislikedmaking rules for his rich friends who ranhospitals, too.

So he didn’t care when they refusedto take care of the sick people whoweren’t rich.

When people from far away heardabout this, they sent George medicinejust for poor children. But Georgethought that if he pretended the childrenweren’t sick, then people would forgetabout the poison and choose him to beChief.

So he hid the medicine from the sickgirls and boys.

George was also happy for his God-given luxuries. He wanted to thank God.

There were some schools where thechildren were taught about nature andsociety but not about God. George de-cided to take money away from thoseschools and give it to people who wouldstart new schools to teach about God.

But he did not make enough rulesfor these new schools, and the childrenwho went to them did not learn verymuch about nature and society. Also thepoor children at the schools he tookmoney away from had fewer teachers toteach them about nature and society.

George also wanted to make sure ev-eryone had as much hard-earned meritas himself, so hetried to keep theelite universitiesfrom affirmingthe childrenfrom the poorestor worst schools.

The only rules George really likedto make were against poor people whouse glass pipes. He made rules to sendthem to prison.

Sometimes because they were inprison their kids would be very poor andwould not learn how to stay out oftrouble.

When poor kids got into trouble,George would sometimes try to guesswhether they were guilty and order apenalty of death.

He was too busy from gym and napsand toys to listen to their excuses formore than about fifteen minutes. Andthough each person who got in troublehad someone to help defend them, some-times these people would take naps andGeorge did not want to wake them.

So even though George had beenManager for a very short time, manypeople were unhappy with him and didnot want him to be Chief. But Georgedecided to play another trick on thepeople.

He pretended that the pipe rules andthe death penalties made everyone safer.He pretended that the new schools madechildren smarter. He pretended that hehad cleaned up the air and water. Andhe pretended that he did all this with-out spending the people’s money.

And on top of that, he kept pretend-ing that he had learned about the worldin school, that he had not dodged fight-ing, that he had been a good buried-dino-saur hunter, and that his gold lonestar hadnothing to do with taking people’s homesand money for his baseball stadium.

There were two others who wantedto be Chief instead of George.

One was a donkey in prison stripeswho was very mean and who had thesame rich friends as George.

The other was a man who was verynice and smart but who was strangelycolored green. George and the meanstriped donkey kept most people frommeeting the green man, who did not havetheir God-given luxuries and richfriends.

Here was his chance. In a momenthe would be Chief!

Poor little George! The people pre-ferred the striped donkey. He was veryunhappy.

But George’s brother, who was alsoa Manager in another State Capitol, hadmade a rule that kept many people fromvoting if they were poor and black andif they liked donkeys.

When their votes were discounted,nobody was sure whether George or thestriped donkey had won!

The striped donkey was too mean tofight George’s brother on behalf of thepoor and black people who had sup-ported him. So George and the donkeywere tied and the decision went to theSupreme Tie Breaker …

who had been chosen by the man in theyellow cap!

Spurious George would finally getto live in the Big White House!

“I’m proud of you, George,” said theman with the yellow cap. “I guess thewhole world is proud of you today.”

It was the happiest day in George’slife.

A G E N D A

Monthly IndependentNews & Culture

Around Ann Arbor

Free Print Circulation: 15,000Subscriptions: $1/issue

www.agenda2.orgeditor@agenda2.org

528 S. State St.Ann Arbor, MI

48104

T H E E N D

Apologies and Thanks toMargret & H.A. Rey,

Parents ofCurious George the First

For more on George W, see:

Shrub: The Short But HappyPolitical Life of George Bush

by Molly Ivins

Is Our Children Learning?by Paul Begala