Can You See what I See?

How Elaboration Brings the Reader into Your Experience!

Frenette EllisFebruary 2, 2013

What will you be able to do after this lesson?

You will be able to expand your ideas by adding details and examples.

You will be able to use descriptive language to create a written picture of a moment.

You will be able to use Mentor Texts to help you understand the strategy of elaboration.

Why is elaboration an important strategy?

It helps your reader to understand the experience you are writing about.

It makes your writing interesting and lively.

It helps you to express what you see, hear, taste, smell, and feel about a moment in time.

When should we use elaboration?

This strategy is helpful when we are creating our drafts.

This strategy is helpful when we are writing ideas.

This strategy is helpful when we are revising our text.

MinilessonStrategy: Elaboration

Activity: Snapshot

IntroductionElaboration is a strategy that writers use to describe moments in time. Writers may use words that “show” instead of “tell.” The reader uses the writer’s words to create pictures inside her head. This strategy is a “biggie” because it makes you think while you are writing. You wonder if the reader can share your experience by seeing what you see, hearing what you hear, and tasting what you taste.

For example. . .Briana could tell by writing, “Hamburgers are

my favorite sandwich.” But, suppose she decided to show by writing, “The soft, spongy bun surrounds the hot, juicy beef patty. Crispy lettuce, sweet tomato, crunchy pickles, and spicy dressing top it all off, and I can’t wait to sink my teeth into this wonderful creation.”

Briana uses the elaboration strategy to help you see what she sees. The words she uses create a picture in your head.

I had to go the dentist to get a cavity filled. I was feeling very nervous. I was really terrified of going to the dentist. I was scared that it was going to hurt. I worried about it all day long!

I had to go to the dentist to get a cavity filled. My stomach was in knots. I felt like I was going to throw up. My palms were sweating and my hands were shaking. Going to the dentist made me feel like I wanted to scream. I closed my eyes real tight and tried not to imagine how much it was going to hurt. I couldn’t slow down my heart beat. It seemed to be pounding a mile a minute. I tried to stop biting my nails, but I was just dreading the idea of having a needle in my mouth. Ouch!

ModelingHere is a sentence that I wrote in my text. Let’s

use our new strategy, elaboration, to revise it

My vacation was fun.

Guided Practice You and your elbow partner will now practice our new strategy,

elaboration. We will be doing an activity called “Snapshots." The activity is called “Snapshots” because a snapshot is a picture and we will be creating pictures with words.

Pick a sentence from your rough draft that you think could use a snapshot. Use descriptive language to create a written picture about your moment. For example, I might choose the moment when Kim Sifton first flicked my ear on the bus. Then see if you can write a snapshot that helps the reader imagine the event or your feelings better.

Share your work with your elbow partner. Show them the original and then the snapshot.

Your elbow partner will then underline words or phrases that you used to make your elaborations.

Discuss the results.

Each group will share out.

Independent Practice Mentor Texts are books that use the writing strategies you

are learning so that you can understand the strategies better.

Pick one of the Mentor Texts.

Label a page in your journal “Writing Strategy—Elaboration.”

Find five sentences from your Mentor Text in which the author uses elaboration and write them in your journal.

Underline the words or phrases that the author uses to describe moments in time.

Include the title of the book, the author’s name, and the page numbers where you found your sentences. Please, write this information at the bottom of your journal page.

AssessmentIn your own words, explain the elaboration

strategy. Why should you use it? When can you use it? Do you think it can help you become a better writer? Why or why not?

ReferenceTompkins, G. (2012). Teaching writing: Balancing

process and product. Boston: Pearson.