avoiding homeschool...

Taking The Easier Road To The Home Education Journey.

By Demetria Zinga

Christian Homeschool Moms.com

3/1/2012

Avoiding Homeschool Burnout

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Copyright © 2012, Demetria Zinga, Christian Homeschool Moms.com

Avoiding Homeschooling Burnout: Taking The Easier Road To The Home

Education Journey

1. Intro- My Story In A Nutshell

2. It’s Not Easy, But It’s Worth It

3. Assessing Your Season Of Life

4. Assessing Your Child’s Seasons Of Life

5. Assessing Your Method

6. No More Burnout

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1. Introduction- My Story in a Nutshell

I don’t know when it happened exactly, but one day as I was

watching my 3 year old exuberantly count to fifty, I realized that being home with her to

watch her learn and grow was one of the biggest blessings I could have ever received.

From that moment on, I made it a priority to research a trend in education that was

relatively new to me – homeschooling.

I’ll just say this- the more information I found about this growing phenomenon, I was

hooked! I checked out books and videos from the library about homeschooling and

started asking around my local community about how to homeschool in my state. I then

went on a treasure hunt to find information that taught me about the general mechanics

of how to get started, how to homeschool legally and where to find curriculum. (But

there was something missing from the equation. I’ll get to that in a minute.)

By the time my daughter was 4 and a half, I had fully convinced my husband that we

wouldn’t enroll her in the local public school for kindergarten. We were going to try our

hands at homeschooling her (as if we hadn’t been doing that for 4 and a half years

already!)

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So we took the “plunge” and shortly after her fifth birthday my daughter began her

official kindergarten year- at home with me and her dad. We joined a local homeschool

co-op, she made loads of friends, and everything seemed okay. For a while, that is.

During this year I was also pregnant with my second child. Over the Thanksgiving

holidays I gave birth to my second baby girl and we joyfully celebrated the new addition

to our family. The transition was a little rocky at first and it took a few months for the

dust to settle in on our new routines- incorporating the baby schedule with

homeschooling my oldest. But there was no need to stress- after all, it was only

kindergarten. At least that’s what I told myself.

Month after month progressed and I realized I was dealing with an advanced learner

and avid reader whom I just couldn’t seem to keep up with. At five years old she read

entire passages from the King James Bible to me clearly and without falter. When she

breezed through her language arts workbook during my doctor visits and finished her

kindergarten math curriculum in 3 months, I knew I was going to have to work a bit

harder at nailing down exactly how to keep her challenged- all while nursing a colicky

baby, changing diapers, and operating on little to no sleep.

I guess you can say I’m a bit of an overachiever. I spent the

next few months, and eventually years, sorting through a

plethora of curriculum to “try” for my oldest. That brings me

back to my point about the missing part to the equation. I

had all the essentials nailed – how to homeschool legally in

my state, which forms to fill out and who to contact, how to get

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my children involved socially in the community, and where to find curriculum. I may

have even used the “eenie meenie miny moe” approach to picking our method. I

decided on classical homeschooling. (Needless to say, I soon found out that this

particular method wasn’t such a great fit for our family at the time). But the one

missing puzzle piece for us was how to keep going when it doesn’t feel like it’s

working. There were plenty of resources teaching me how to homeschool. I just

needed someone to come along beside me and show me what I was doing wrong-

because that’s exactly what I felt was happening. I thought I was doing it “wrong”. After

all, if I were doing things “the right way”, I wouldn’t have so many challenges- right?

If you’re grinning at this point in my story, it’s because you understand just how much I’d

need to overcome my perfectionism for “getting it right” and just learn to enjoy the

journey. It’s amazing how many times I almost gave up homeschooling each year I’ve

homeschooled. In retrospect, I can understand why it felt so overwhelming (entering

our homeschooling journey while also adapting to our growing family).

Each year I taught my children, I also learned a lot about myself. I learned that I would

need to be flexible and adapt our learning to each phase and stage of our family life. I’ll

get into that in more detail later on in the book.

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2. It’s Not Easy, But It’s Worth It

These past five years of home educating our kids have been major, life-changing, soul-

searching years for our family. We started with a peak of curiosity and a twinge of

excitement. Little did we know that before long we’d suffer what many homeschoolers

consider “burnout”. Somewhere in the middle of teaching a simple first grade math

lesson I fizzled out and started to do an online search for local private schools. I had

many moments like this, on and off through each of my children’s ages throughout the

years.

You see, what a lot of people won’t tell you is if or when they had ever burned and

crashed during the homeschooling process. How did they get where they are today?

(Maybe they’ve homeschooled for 15 years, but how?) I always desired the

encouragement needed to keep going in my journey, but I couldn’t always find it.

Sometimes I felt alone in the world of burnout. I wanted to turn back. Many of my

friends had children the same ages as mine who were in

school and seemed to be thriving, so I wondered if maybe

I was making the wrong decision. Also, I felt a bit out of

place since it was not common among my fellow African

American family and friends to choose this educational

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option. Going against the grain, swimming upstream- it was hard. And I was daring to

be different. So, I had my many days of self doubt, wondering if I should just go ahead

and follow the “crowd”. After all, it appeared to be so much easier.

I hung in there until my daughter reached third grade. It was Christmas break and we

felt that a major change was going to happen in our family- although we didn’t know

quite what. I misinterpreted this cue to mean that it was finally time for my daughter to

attend school. It seemed like the perfect solution. I could volunteer at the school and

still have plenty of time to write and publish. The elementary school we were zoned for

had one of the highest ratings in the county and I’d heard nothing but good things about

this school. With much fear and trembling, but thinking we were doing the best thing for

her at the time, we took her down to the school office and enrolled her. Two weeks into

her brand new school (which she really did love, I might add), we found out we were

moving cross country due to my husband’s long-awaited job offer. We didn’t realize the

offer would come when it did, so the news initially came as a shock. But we couldn’t turn

down this new job opportunity. I kept thinking, “So that was the major change we felt

was going to happen?” Needless to say, we had missed our

cues big time. We quickly packed, said our heart-wrenching

goodbyes, and four weeks into my daughter being enrolled in

school, we withdrew her and moved to California. At this point, I

couldn’t fathom throwing my daughter into a different world.

Public schools on the west coast were absolutely a different

animal than what we’d experienced down South, so I knew that we would immediately

jump right back into our homeschooling mode. After all, it’s what we knew best and

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were fairly comfortable with. Additionally, California has a host of new homeschooling

options available to us that we didn’t have before, and I knew we’d be in for a treat- as

far as choices go.

In retrospect, I never realized how much I would miss overseeing my daughter’s

education until those four weeks I drove her to school and dropped her off each day,

knowing that she would come back home with spelling lists similar to what we had

already covered during her kindergarten year. I found out quickly that much of the

school day was simply administrative. P.E. and lunch were her favorite subjects, and

yes, there were discipline problems in the classroom- which is quite distracting for the

few kids who really do want to learn. It was not a bad school (in fact, at this school, test

score results were pretty high), but when I realized how dry and dull her curriculum was

I couldn’t help but to reminisce the days when we could study the planets in detail for

weeks, just because we could, instead of rushing through a dry text book within a 30

minute allotted class period at school (which usually got cut down to 20 minutes or less

when you count the extra time needed to factor in worksheets or tests). Suddenly

reading for fun was replaced with reading only pre-assigned grade level readers which

she found boring, to say the least. When she tested out at 8th grade level reading but

couldn’t find any books in the school library with appropriate content for her “reading

level”, she resorted to bringing home whatever she could find- usually books with

subliminal messages that my husband and I didn’t agree with- nonetheless, were on her

“level”. I quickly realized that she was no longer reading for fun and pleasure, but

instead, she had to search the book database to make sure her selections matched the

requirements for her level so she could earn points. I also realized that the leisure we’d

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had at home to work and learn at our own pace was phenomenally outstanding, and I

wouldn’t want to trade it in again anytime soon. I was going to hold on to my right to

homeschool for as long as I and my daughter

needed to.

After our move to California - our transition to

the new homeschooling regulations here and

getting settled into our new routine, we still

had our days of hard knocks and trying to

figure out if it was really working for us or not.

Needless to say, we had swung from classical

homeschooling years previously to now a

combination of literally unschooling and

eclectically learning for a few months as I

unpacked, and my husband settled into his new job on the west coast. We met new

homeschooling friends and found a few local community support groups that turned out

to be just what we needed to make our transition complete.

During this time my educational philosophy was drastically changing, like a pendulum. I

would soon find out how this world of homeschooling would work for our family, but I

realized that it would take months and years, because homeschooling is a journey and

a work of adjustment to each new phase of life. I wouldn’t dare ascribe to one theory as

my own, all while my kids were still growing, maturing, and blossoming. I didn’t want to

pin them down to my pre-carved notions of what I thought I wanted to see played out in

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our homeschool. I needed to treat them as individuals and address their needs on a

daily basis. I’ll talk more about that later as well.

So although our journey has not been the smoothest or the easiest, I can truthfully say

that it has been completely and totally worth it. Yes, it is a life of sacrifice. I give up

free time at the coffee shops, and I don’t hang out at the mall as much. I’ve traded in

my daily java for green smoothies that I make with my kids, and when I do want to make

a quick run to Starbucks, I sometimes bring the kids with me and treat them

to a snack. And if all goes well, I can even read or write a little while they

color or read quietly. It’s all about seasons. Meanwhile, I’m assured they’re

safe (they’re with me), they are learning on the levels appropriate for them

(and not for 30 other kids in a classroom), they’re not learning bad habits from other

kids (okay, my kids are not perfect but at least I know they didn’t pick up the bad habits

from school), and they are relatively innocent, which is the way their childhood should

be. Teaching them about the dangers out there in the world is something I begin

addressing when they’re very young but I don’t scare them and I only give them enough

information to suit their level of understanding. Thankfully, the bulk of their days are

spent with me and their dad or with trusted friends, church, and our support groups, so I

don’t worry a ton about safety. And if I ever need a mommy break, my support group

friends rally around me to offer their support.

Homeschooling is definitely not for the faint of heart. But even if you feel faint

just know that each morning is a new day and opportunity to garner the strength

you need to keep homeschooling - for as long as you need to. Maybe you feel

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discouraged tonight. But just give yourself time. In the morning, it’s a brand new day,

and you get to make it your own.

Learn from my mistakes and don’t put pressure on yourself to be the perfect teacher

with the perfect method. Just love your kids and teach them what they need to know.

That’s it! Have fun with them and play games while they’re young. When they’re older,

maybe find resources that will alleviate the burden for you so you won’t have to do

100% of the teaching.

Just remember- feelings are fickle. I’ve not felt like homeschooling many, many, many

times. Trust me- there are always things in life we don’t feel like doing. I also don’t feel

like loading my dishwasher four times a day or

mopping my floors, but guess what? When

something needs to get done, I find the resolve to do

it. You may not always feel like homeschooling your

children, but if you’ve been called to this lifestyle and

you absolutely know without a shadow of a doubt

that somehow, homeschooling is for your family,

then even when the going gets tough, you’ll

resolve to make each day your best. You’ll do it.

Sometimes a best day is simply taking a nature walk

with your kids and calling it science. That’s okay! Again, seasons and stages may alter

your methods. Either way, your kids will learn, and it will be okay if, in fact,

homeschooling is truly for you.

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3. Assessing Your Season of Life

So- what if you don’t know? What if you don’t know whether or not you even should be

homeschooling? Are you feeling the pressure of homeschooling your kids because

someone else you know is doing it? Do you feel like it would make you a better person,

or your children better kids? Well…it just might make you a more patient parent, but if

homeschooling is not your thing it could actually end up becoming a fiasco. You need

to take careful consideration on how God made you in this particular season of your life

to see if homeschooling is a good match for you and your family.

I am honestly of the opinion that homeschooling is not for everyone- and I totally,

completely mean that. Schools- both government-run and private exist for a reason,

and there will always be a need for schools so long as there are children on earth. Not

everyone can budget for one parent to be home and some people just don’t feel either

called or equipped to take on the responsibilities of homeschooling. You know what’s

great- is when you know. That’s most important. You have to know where you stand.

I also believe that homeschooling can wax and wane at different seasons of your life.

What works for you today (perhaps private school, for example) may not work for your

family in five years. Maybe five years from now your spouse changes jobs and you

relocate, so now you’re out of work for a year or more. During this time, perhaps, you

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get the notion that your child’s pricey school isn’t offering the

best socially, nor is he getting the personal help he needs

with math and chemistry. Plus, without your added income

it’s getting tougher by the month to keep paying for private

school. You start to wish he had other educational options-

and then it hits you like a ton of bricks: you could pull him

out of private school and teach him at home! And with all

the options for high-schoolers gaining their credits online these days, you wouldn’t have

to feel compelled to know a single thing about chemistry to make sure he completed his

high school diploma- at home.

That’s just one example of many, but you get my drift. You see, it was the season, the

right timing, the perfect situation. Sometimes you are lead into home education by

matter of logical deduction. Sometimes it just makes perfect sense. Your child’s age

and ability to work independently or not will also make a tremendous impact on how

your homeschool days look. And if you’re in a season of life where you don’t think you

can handle one more thing, maybe it’s best to look at other creative ways to educate

your child without you having to be fully in charge. (Thankfully there are some wonderful

options within the world of homeschooling which will allow you to do that).

I also know of many people who started off homeschooling their kids but opted for

private, or even public school, as the kids got older and wanted a voice in where they

attend school.

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You see, I am a firm believer in the freedom of choice and personal conviction for

your family. What works for you may not work for me- and vice versa. But I definitely

have no right to be the judge and critic of the decisions you honestly feel are best for

your family, even if they don’t match mine.

So, when I say that you should assess the season of your life before making the

decision to homeschool or not, I’m not asking you to look around you- at the women in

your ladies’ bible study group or your work-out buddies from the gym. Don’t compare

your family with decisions they are making for theirs. And never let anybody condemn

your choices based on their personal preferences.

When it comes to spirituality, I am unabashedly a Christian and born again Believer.

My beliefs completely affect my worldview and the way I teach my kids. I am also a

strong advocate for home education and think it’s one of the best freedoms we could

have this side of the sun. However, I would never use scripture to dictate whether or not

another family should choose to home educate. That’s where I draw the line. If you are

also a Christian, and reading this, then you know how important it is to raise our kids in

our faith- with the values they need to become young men and women with standards,

convictions, and the knowledge of God’s acceptance and love for them (which, ideally,

leads to their love for God in return). However, I do believe that around the world, there

are many, many people living in underprivileged situations who don’t have options of

home education, but who have strong faith and convictions that they are passing down

to their children. No matter your situation in a third world country, or if you should

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choose private or public school in the U.S.,

Canada, Australia, or England - it is still very

possible to raise godly children. The difficulty

level may be especially increased in many of our

public school systems- but God is bigger and

stronger and can work each child’s situation for

the best- if public school is your only option.

However, statistics are pretty clear that parents

choose homeschooling for valid reasons- the

highest reason being that they feel they can give

their child a better education at home. According

to StatisticBrain.com, 38.4% choose homeschooling due to moral and religious training

reasons, followed up by 25.6% of dissatisfied, unhappy campers with the regular school

systems. While these numbers might not seem huge, think about the total of

homeschoolers in the U.S. as of 2012- 1,508,000 and growing. Ultimately where you

are in your season of life will determine if your family joins the ranks of the

homeschooling community. But we are a definite growing number, by far.

One more thing about seasons. Never feel guilt or pressure (either today or

projected into your future somehow) to homeschool or not to homeschool. Again,

guilt can absolutely have no bearing on your decision about education. You have to

choose what’s right for your family out of your concrete faith and belief that what you are

choosing is best for everyone involved. I have seen way too many families choose

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homeschooling out of fear that any other choice would sabotage their faith in God, and I

know that’s hitting home for some. I don’t know any other way to put it. Additionally, I

have seen families choose not to homeschool out of fear that their relative or friends

would not accept the choice as valid, see them as wackos, and write them off to the

“homeschool hippie” movement. (Yes, I really have heard this phrase before). What’s

crazy about both of these extreme scenarios is that each decision (for or against home

education) is being made out of compulsion and a feeling of threat or guilt. If you make

any decision with this type of fearful hesitance, you’ll ultimately either end up making the

wrong decision or you will find yourself confused in the process. That’s really sad,

considering there is no reason you have to go down that road. You can avoid all the

confusion by making some assessments of your own.

Forget what everybody else thinks. Do your own homework. Find out what you need

for you, your spouse, your kids. What is best for your children? What is best for you?

Can you possibly make it work? Here are just a few questions to ponder in considering

your season of life.

o Are you a mom with very young kids, just starting down the homeschooling path?

o Are you a mom of one child?

o Are you a mom of many children of various ages?

o Do you parent teens?

o Are you considering homeschooling children while also caring for a newborn, or

perhaps an aging parent?

o Are you physically well, or are you on bedrest or hospitalized?

o Do you have the support of either a spouse, close friend, or relative?

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o Do you have children with special needs?

o Do you work full time or part time outside of the home?

o Do you have any other obligations or commitments that could possibly affect your

ability to homeschool?

So if you feel you’re in a place where you could make a few sacrifices in order to give

your children a leg up, then by all means, jump on the homeschooling bandwagon and

let’s go! I promise you that if homeschooling is for you and you choose this path, it

will pay off in great dividends and your reward will be great. With this in mind, you

can start your homeschooling journey off the right way, or autocorrect your current

journey, so that you don’t ultimately end up in burnout mode. The good news is- you

can start your journey on a much more stable foundation than I did, and avoid burnout

altogether. Do your research first, assess your situation, and be confident in your

decision to homeschool.

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4. Assessing Your Child’s Season of Life

Well, it’s great to know that mom is ready to embark on the homeschooling journey.

But are your kids?

That will all depend on their ages, motivation, discipline and any previous exposure to

school. It will also depend on their personalities.

I know of many homeschooling families in a variety of situations that we may or may not

agree with. Nonetheless, each of these families did what they felt was best for their

children. Here are a few examples:

A woman I knew years ago whose child just didn’t thrive well at home and due to

lack of discipline issues needed some relief and space to teach her younger kids

without constant disruptions from the older kid. So she placed the oldest in public

school – seeking counsel from specialists who could help her child with his

attention deficit diagnosis- and continued homeschooling her youngest.

I know families whose children were homeschooled from the very beginning and

have never set foot in public school. Their kids are self motivated, entrepreneurs,

and have great aspirations.

I am currently aware of an acquaintance whose teenager really wants to begin

his sophomore year in a ritzy private school after having been homeschooled all

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his life. His mother is very supportive and is helping him all she can to make the

test scores so that he can get into this school.

Living in a state such as California, I am well aware of the hybrid mix of public

charter homeschools where the students are really considered public school

students who have assigned educational specialists, but stay at home to

complete the work. There are other states like this as well, and these options

seem to work fine for many people.

The point is, regardless of what your view may be on publicly funded education or

government schools, these are valid options for many working (or even stay at home)

parents who feel that it meets not only their needs personally (remember seasons?) but

also meets the needs of their student’s particular personality. Additionally, no matter

your story or background, you will find that homeschoolers come in all shades and

variety. And so do the kids.

In this book, it’s not my job to judge what you choose. I just want you know that there

are many options available that could possibly work for you and your kids.

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While we’re on the topic of criticism, let me just go ahead and point out that there are,

unfortunately, those who might feel that if you don’t homeschool your kids all the way

through 12th grade, then you’ve failed. Ouch!

As a homeschooling community it is my prayer that we may learn to be tolerant of one

another’s choices and not be so condemning or judgmental when another parent

decides to stop homeschooling and consider other options. Again, it all boils down to

seasons of our lives. What works for one family may not work for another.

Granted, I am not giving you reasons to feel that you shouldn’t at least try to stick with

homeschooling, if you can. I certainly don’t want to leave the impression that the

freedom of homeschooling isn’t worth fighting for. Homeschooling is also not a ‘hop

in/hop out’ kind of deal either, because, honestly, most kids thrive well under a stable

school environment that doesn’t shift from year to year. But I also don’t want you

feeling extremely guilty if a season in your child’s life leads you to decide to opt out of

homeschooling that year. If that’s what you have to do, it’s okay. Prayerfully do what

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you need to do, always keeping in mind that if you have to let go of homeschooling for a

season, it’s not the dead end to future possibilities. You could very well return to it later.

Figure out what your kids need. It could be that you can absolutely afford a decent

private education for your children. If that is the style of education you want to go for,

then go for it! But in my humble opinion, you can save the big bucks and give your child

a quality and affordable education at home, and still have time and money left over for

the extracurriculars.

Your main goal after assessing your own needs is to figure out what your children need.

Pay special attention to their uniqueness and how God made them. What makes them

tick? What makes them happy? Sad? Do you have a social butterfly on your hands?

(This will undoubtedly affect the way you homeschool). Do you have an introvert who

prefers to read all day long? Do you have a debater who loves to argue and prove a

point? All of these things should affect the way in which you decide to home educate.

Overall, figuring out your children’s needs is going to play a major factor in

whether you should begin or continue to homeschool. It will also help you to

avoid burnout. But I must admit- upon observation of many homeschooling families

over the past years- that most children can and will absolutely adapt to a home

educating lifestyle. The choice is really ultimately yours. Not only do they adapt- but

statistics and the many successful faces of homeschooling families I’ve seen- prove that

they thrive in a beautiful, loving, and relaxed homeschool environment.

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5. Assessing Your Methods Hopefully by this point I’ve encouraged you to really look deep within to decide whether

or not you will begin, or continue to keep homeschooling. However, once you’ve

resolved to take the reigns and continue down this path, you’ll find that unless you’re

prepared for what’s ahead, your biggest roadblock may be stress, and ultimately

burnout. How do you avoid homeschool burnout?

Well, one important thing to decide on upfront is how to manage your

homeschool time. You have to ask yourself “How do you want your

days to look?”

You’ve assessed your personality and your children’s needs as well. Now you should

probably come up with a combination of learning

opportunities that meets both your needs. For

example, if you’re a very structured kind of person

that needs lists, detail, and order, but your child is

whimsical, imaginative, and carefree…you might

need to choose a homeschooling method that you

can both tolerate so you won’t end up butting

heads! Each child has individual learning styles,

but before you meet your child’s learning needs you may need to understand your

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teaching style. In the example I just mentioned, you might try lowering your structured

expectations just a tad to allow for your child’s imagination. You can also help your

child to raise the bar on accepting standards you’ve set in place for her. Believe it or

not, you can do this at the same time so that you both are on more level ground.

My oldest daughter and I have in common that we both enjoy a good book and a cup of

hot chocolate. We can spend many of our days indoors together and enjoy life on the

home front. I’ll have to admit, though, that I haven’t always been able to enjoy easy,

relaxed homeschooling days because of my natural tendency to want to itemize

everything- making lists and schedules and being a stickler for working through

textbooks so we could just “finish on time”. My daughters are both quite relaxed and

imaginative and could easily learn independently from magazines and books they check

out from the library weekly. But because of my over-dependency on curricula and my

“stick to the schedule” teaching style, I’ve oftentimes missed more organic opportunities

of learning. Because I’m aware I have this tendency, I’ve learned over the years to pull

back and lighten up a bit. I am daily tweaking my teaching style from that of a more

traditional, authoritative role to a more hands-on, collaborative one.

Some homeschool parents love to be outdoors. These are your hikers and campers

who are not beyond hopping in an RV for a year of homeschooling on the road. They

love adventure! If that’s you, great! But if your child is not so adventurous, prefers to

cuddle with the cat in front of the fireplace and read Little House On The Prairie for

hours on end, then you might need to meet her halfway by bending your teaching style

a bit. You want to be sure that she can comfortably learn in a way that’s most

conducive to her. Maybe from time to time, you can plan a few fieldtrips that help to

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enlighten her world of the 1800’s setting about which she’s reading, while you

simultaneously get your satisfaction of adventure.

Or, if you’re an introvert but your child is an extreme extrovert, and it makes you twitch

to think of how emotionally exhausting it would be for you to cart her around to different

activities each week, then you may consider a compromise that will keep you both

happy. Perhaps you can invite a few tutors over to bring lessons to your home so you

don’t have to go out, and maybe you can agree to compromise on one day of outside

activities per week so that your energy bank doesn’t get drained.

Homeschooling is so much more than making the decision to be home and teach your

kids. Once you begin to understand who your children are and how they operate, you’ll

even begin to appreciate your own personality, and learn to synchronize the two.

There are many different types of homeschooling methods, or styles, and your

family will probably tend to fall into one or a combination of a few. The key is to

understand your kids’ and your personalities up front, and then you might find that it will

be easy through the process of elimination to determine what your homeschooling days

probably won’t look like.

I never did these personality reflection exercises, nor did I pay much attention to the

various types of homeschooling methods when I first got started. I just jumped right in

with a curriculum package I picked up from a local homeschool conference and tried to

fit our lives around the curriculum I’d inadvertently chosen. Granted, I did make at least

one good curriculum choice that year, but I spent the next several years in trial and error

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and never considering if my or my child’s personality suited the method of curriculum I

was choosing.

For example, after my first three months of teaching kindergarten, I’d had my second

baby and immediately decided that we should completely convert to classical education.

If your family educates classically, then you understand what I mean when I say that a

general understanding of the classical education theory should be considered before

one embarks on such a journey. I had no understanding of the theory itself- the stages

of the trivium, the importance of learning chronologically, and how to implement that in

our lives. I briefed Susan Wise Bauer’s book, “The Well Trained Mind” to get an

overview of what I needed to start, and purchased every book she suggested for first

grade level. When all of my Amazon packages arrived on my doorstep, I excitedly tore

open my boxes like a kid on Christmas morning. The books were beautiful- glossy,

colorful, and breathtaking. I stared at them for days. Weeks passed. To my dismay, I

never figured out how to delve into the material. After all, I had a nursing baby in a sling

and a first grader who simply wanted to catch a firefly. And then…I had this ton of

books sitting on my kitchen table.

Which leads me to my next point: Just because a particular method may seem

attractive to you at the time, doesn’t mean that you should automatically invest in

it. Yes, the confidence of having a school structure and having my children learn

chronologically and have a sense of orderliness appealed to my own need for order and

structure. However, it did not take into consideration my season (just having had a

baby and still completely in postpartum, baby-brain fog), and my 6 year-old’s season of

life (she just wanted to have fun!)

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Needless to say, the classical method wasn’t for me at that time and season of my life.

Today, however, we could more easily make that work for our family as my kids have

matured over the years and can fit quite comfortably into our homeschool days minimal

disruption. Even though we could make it work today if we wanted, we’ve instead

chosen to be more eclectic in our approach.

The eclectic method is a great fall-back as well as a first-choice method for those who

feel they don’t fit into any of the other categories

(Classical, Charlotte Mason, Thomas Jefferson,

Montessori, unschooling, and Waldorf, just to name

a few).

If you’re feeling homeschool burnout, perhaps your doubts about it are tied into the

uncertainty of how your days currently look. Maybe nothing is in sync and things just

aren’t lining up the way they’re supposed to. You just need some confidence that your

days will be do-able. I understand that feeling completely! So, once you’ve assessed

your personalities and figured out which method is probably best for your family, you’ve

already solved more than half of your problem.

Remember, if something isn’t working for your family, you have an obstacle in

your way. You can try one of three things:

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1. Try going around the obstacle. If math is a big issue for your 2nd grader and

both of you are left in tears at the end of the day, you can simply skip that lesson

and come back to it later. Just go around.

2. Remove the obstacle. You could take a few days or weeks’ break away from

math.

3. Try approaching the obstacle from a different angle. You could switch math

curricula and see if it turns on a lightbulb for your child.

I’ve tried all three of these methods when I’ve encountered roadblocks. Only, my

particular roadblock wasn’t solely about math. It was more or less, “Do I continue

homeschooling?” And my roadblock? Homeschooling. (Or so I thought).

We started by going around the obstacle. For weeks, we would “unschool”, or just take

a big, solid break until I could regroup and figure out if we needed to continue. But that

wasn’t quite working for my personality (remember- I like order and procedure!) So I

thought I could remove the “obstacle” by placing my daughter in school. That kind of

worked for four weeks- but it wasn’t long before I knew that once we moved out west, I

would immediately begin homeschooling again. And when we did, I was still left with the

initial problem I’d had in the beginning. “How could we make this work so that everyone

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is content?” I moved on to method 3: coming at the obstacle in a different angle. So, I

liked some of our curriculum, but not all. And I felt compelled to finish the majority of it.

My line of reasoning just wasn’t working. Picking up curriculum from used book sales

and attempting to make it work because I’d already spent the money, was not the way

successful homeschoolers run their family. So I tried a different angle. How about I

don’t buy a single thing unless I’ve determined up front that it fits in with our

personalities, and it would be something our whole family would enjoy- including me!

My new approach included finding materials that were suitable to our style and taking

more time to carefully research and consider each selection before going to a single

book fair, homeschool convention, or website. My new approach also included

rearranging our school hours so we had short lessons in the morning and the majority of

our afternoons free. For us, this new angle meant we could stretch out our school year

to almost year-round schooling, and do fewer lessons each day. With this new

approach there is no fear that we won’t get through the curriculum in time or that there

won’t be time to finish a project. There’s no rush. Also, as I write this, we are currently

in the process of phasing out some of what I call our “overhead” curriculum (items we

are using but will gently begin to phase out with time), so that we’re left with less to work

with. Sometimes less is better. Meanwhile, I am working on a master booklist of great

books I’d like for my oldest to begin reading. We are slowly adapting bits and pieces of

the Charlotte Mason and unit study approach into our days and prayerfully considering

God’s purpose for each of my kids. My main goal is to follow God’s wisdom on how to

train each of my children to meet their individual potentials. This means I have to be in

30


constant prayer for them, paying close attention to their needs, remain open to the Holy

Spirit’s prompting on what my kids need, and be more vigilant spiritually than

academically.

I’ve always been a stickler for the rules, and since I was a little girl, I always wanted to

be a schoolteacher. I was a great student most of my life because I followed the rules.

Having come from a traditional background of education and being familiar with what

school is “supposed” to look like, it has taken me a while to deprogram myself in order

to look at education differently. Sure, intellectually I always understood that home

education need not be traditional…but I don’t think I ever really got it- until recently, that

is. It is so liberating to finally understand that I am free to arrange our home education

the way I feel fits our family the best. So, when I make the statement that I will be “more

vigilant spiritually than academically”, I almost feel at a juxtaposition to everything I’ve

ever known. It is a mental conflict because I am so huge on academics- (I believe that

knowledge is power and academics should never be neglected). However, I am

beginning to come into the truth of what true education is. If you educate a man’s soul,

he becomes empowered to educate his own mind. Sure, children need to know their

abc’s. No doubt, our kids should learn to read as soon as they are ready. Math is

important. But if we only focus on the academics and push them through to college,

we’ve not done enough. We’ve neglected a very serious portion of their meal. They’ve

received a layer of topsoil without the proper nourishment for their roots.

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Education starts with a pure, wholesome, spiritual diet. It ends with the final layers of

understanding the world around us. Start with God. Layer in Science, History, Math,

and what have you. Finish with God. That is a complete education.

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6. No more Burnout Take some time to discover what the different methods are mentioned in my

previous chapter. You can read about them on my website.

Take some to time to reflect on your needs as a family.

Take some time to pray about God’s specific plan for each of your individual

children.

Then give your homeschool the juice it needs to keep running by staying

emotionally hydrated.

Keep yourself motivated and encouraged.

Attend seminars and workshops, find like-minded individuals, support groups,

and co-ops. Encourage each other and swap ideas.

Most of all, figure out a general daily plan that works for your family on a “normal school

day”, and stick to it the best you can. But also, don’t forget to be flexible. It’s okay to

have a “not-so-normal school day” here and there.

And lastly, do your best to make sure that whatever you do, you connect with your kids,

shower love on them, and have lots of fun together. If there is a personality conflict or a

behavior/attitude issue that is getting in the way of your enjoyment, it’s not necessarily

time to give up homeschooling altogether. It’s simply time to nip the issue in the bud

and take charge of your home environment. If that means sitting your kids down for a

“nice little chat” or employing a rewards chart or other disciplinary measures you usually

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take in your home, take care of that first. Until you have everyone’s cooperation,

homeschooling will be difficult.

My three year old went through her difficult phase a while back, and for six months it

was almost impossible for me to properly devote the kind of attention I wanted to my

then third-grader. I had to make some adjustments in our school days so that I could

work with my toddler’s behavioral issues. I decided to switch my oldest to an online

curriculum so she could still get her lessons completely without my having to be as

hands-on, while I tried to work patiently with behavior training in my youngest.

Thankfully, that stage is over and done with, and I can move on to the fun part of

teaching them both.

Overall, no situation in life is perfect, so definitely don’t expect homeschooling to be as

glossy and air-brushed as it looks on the covers of some of those curriculum boxes and

catalogs! No family is perfect, no child is fault-free, and no homeschool parent can do it

all without an occasional melt down. Sometimes we second-guess ourselves and doubt

that we made the right choice. But in those moments, think back on your foundation.

Ask yourself why you began homeschooling in the first place. Consider if it’s worth it to

continue. Realize that even if you chose to opt out of home education, the pastures are

not necessarily greener on the other side of the fence. All types of education have pros

and cons. It’s about your needs and your children’s needs at the moment, and what

you can faithfully resolve to do- or not. If you feel just a bit discouraged, don’t give up.

Just a bit of encouragement, community, and support can fix your resolve. But if you

pulled out of home education for deeper reasons, then that’s the time to go back and re-

evaluate if homeschooling really is for you.

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Meanwhile, I encourage you stay motivated through community and support!

You can start by visiting my website and taking a look around at the resources available

at http://www.christianhomeschoolmoms.com. You can also connect with me a few

different ways (I’m usually pretty quick to respond).

Twitter - @christianhsmoms

Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/pages/Christian-Homeschool-

Moms/128163330557566I totally look forward to hearing from you. Enjoy your

journey.

Happy homeschooling!

-Demetria

Demetria is a homeschooling mom of two and is the publisher of Christian Homeschool Moms.com. She loves her God, her family and friends, and her local Starbucks.

http://www.christianhomeschoolmoms.com/

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Christian-Homeschool-Moms/128163330557566

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Christian-Homeschool-Moms/128163330557566

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