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The 5 Stages Of Grief

Source: http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/, The Kübler-

Ross Model, By Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, On Death and Dying,

1969.

The thesis of her article was that there are 5 stages a person

goes through when dealing with some kind of loss or bereavement.

Not everyone goes through each and every stage and neither does

everyone go through a precise order . The five stages, denial,

anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance were never meant to

help secrete messy emotions into neat packages.

Her article was based on her work with her terminally ill

patients, seminars, interviews and also a lot of research. The

overall pattern she took was from emotion to emotion. Referring to

these emotions as stages. She explained each emotion or stage

respectively. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the 5 stages of

grief in her book On Death and Dying in 1969. The book was an

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interdisciplinary study of death and acceptance, then her book On

Grief and Grieving involved the five stages with the process of

grieving and fabricated a theory.

The author organized her article by going from the very first

most commonly shown emotion to the very last, although she

stated that not every individual goes through these stages in a

proclaimed order.

The author used different kinds of scenarios to support her

case. She used examples like, when a loved one dies, a bad

breakup, losing a job, and so on. I would say that Dr. Kübler-Ross

made a fine argument but I’d have to disagree with the last stage,

which is acceptance. I think, for some people, instead of

acceptance they go out to seek revenge. Some people can forgive

and move on, while others grow a dark passion for payback during

their own grieving process.

So I would put my own thesis this way; There are stages

people go through when they are dealing with some kind of loss.

Everyone cant go through the same process and everyone cant

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have the same final stages. Some people will learn to accept while

others seek for revenge.

THE 5 SATGES OF GRIEF:

Denial: “I feel fine”, Temporary defense of oneself. This is

the first stage of grief. This is where people are at a state of shock

and they go numb. They feel as if life is meaningless and they

become overwhelmed. The author said Denial helps us survive and

cope with the problem; it is nature’s way of letting in as much as

we can handle. Once a person starts realizing and starts asking

question, the healing process starts and all feelings that were

denied start to emerge.

Anger: “Why me? It’s not fair”. Rage, envy and hostility. This is

the second stage of the grieving process. This stage is necessary

because the more a person feels angry, the more it disappears and

the faster a person heals. Anger has no limits and it affects

everyone around that person and underneath anger is pain. The

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author says anger is another indication of the intensity of one’s

love.

Bargaining: “I’ll do anything”, Hope and negotiation. This

is the third stage in a typical person’s grieving process. This is the

stage where, after loss people bargain; a form of temporary truce.

People get caught in a maze of “if only…” and “what if…”

questions. Guilt is said to be bargaining’s companion, the

questions people asks themselves usually causes them to see their

faults in the whole situation. People remain in the past and try to

negotiate themselves out of the pain they feel.

Depression: “I’m so sad, why bother with anything.”

Disconnection and loneliness. This is the forth stage, this comes

after bargaining, where a person moves to the present. Depression

is a terrible thing and it feels like it could last forever. This is when

grief hits a person on a deeper level. Depression is the appropriate

response to loss. This is where people kind of disconnect

themselves from everything else; a person draws back from every

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normal thing and prefers to be alone. When a person doesn’t

experience depression after loss, it is unusual.

Acceptance: “It’s going to be okay”, Moving on and trying

to live with it. According to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross this is the final

grieving process. Accepting the loss doesn’t necessarily mean

everything alright, it just means that a person is ready to live with

the loss and learn how to live without what they have lost. Usually

people want to keep on going with their lives as though they

haven’t lost anything, but as time goes on they learn that, that is

not completely possible and they learn to adjust. The author says

we can never replace what has been lost, we just have to make new

connections.

OR

Revenge: “Someone has to pay!”. Anger and resentment.

The action of inflicting hurt or harm on someone for a wrong

suffered at their hands. For most the final stage of grief is

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acceptance, for others it is a life sentence without indulgence.

Grief is a merciless master; people realize that they never stood a

chance, just when they start believing they’re free. It is said that

nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge. At times, people in

grief will often report more stages. Basically one’s grief is as

unique as they are.

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