you're so much more

You'reSoMuchMorebyvampire-legend

Bella'sonlyescapetoacontact-limitingparanoia,ismusic.Specificallythemusicofherfavoriteband,Asphyxiated.Whathappenswhenshestartsworkingwiththeband,andbeginstoopenuptotheleadsinger,EdwardMasen?All-HumanRated:FictionT-English-Romance/Drama-Bella,Edward-Chapters:12-Words:41,661-Reviews:346-Favs:261-Follows:177-Updated:7/26/2010-Published:6/11/2009-Status:Complete-id:5130165URL:https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5130165

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5130165

TableofContents

TableofContents

1.Prologue

2.HearMeNow

3.ForAllTheLovers

4.StayAwake

5.SwingLifeAway

6.TongueTied

7.Pages

8.FindMe

9.RemedyForLove

10.SongInMyHead

11.WhoIAmHatesWhoI'veBeen

12.AmazeMe

Prologue

Disclaimer:Idon'townanythingTwilightrelated.

Prologue:

Allthepainhaddieddown.Thestingonherface,thethrobinherankle,thebruisingonherwrists,thesharppulseinherscalp.Allofitwasnumb.Suffocatingandsuccumbingtothedarkfogaroundher,shewasabletomakeoutvoicesgrowinglouderbythesecond.

Theyscaredher.Theyweregettinglouderandlouder,anditwasalmostscreechinginherears.Shewantedtocryoutandtellthemtostop,butshecouldn'tmove.Shewastooscaredtoo.Whatifsomeonenoticed?Whatifthescarymanwasstillthere,waitingtohurther?

Apairofarmsthatshewantedsobadlytobefamiliarencasedher,andgentlypickedherup.Herwholebodytensed.Acoldfeelingwasspreadinginherchestandshetriedtomakeherselfmovetoscreamorrun.

"It'sokay,Bells,I'mhere.I'msosorry,Ishouldhavehavebeentheretoprotectyou."Avoicewhispered.

Thoughthevoicewasfamiliar,andusedtobecomforting,shepanickedatthefeelingofbeingtouchedandtrappedinsomeone'sarms.Despitethegentlehandwipingherfaceclean,orthefamiliarsmellofmuskyspicethatfilledhernoises,herbodywasonalert,andwantedtoscreamandrunaway.

Finally,thelittlegirlfoundhervoiceandaloudscreamshatteredthesilentnight.

HearMeNow

Thankseveryonewhosentinbandnames!Itreallyhelped.Sothisisjustthebeginningandit'salittleshakybutjusttryandbearwithme,please.

Disclaimer:IsadlydonotowntheTwilightcharacters

Bella'sPOV:

"WellitjustmakesmefeelsohappythatIshouldbeeatingrainbowsandpoopingoutbutterflies."IstatedsimplyasIcontinuedtostareatthewall.

Dr.Bennett,atedious,andskinnyasswomanwholovestostuffherselfintotheusualtherapistsuitthatmakesherlookblueintheface,justcontinuedtositthere,waitingforadecentanswertoher"Andhowdoesthatmakeyoufeel?"question.

Well,Isureashellamnotgivingyouone,soyoushouldjusttakemydad'scheckandgobuyyourselfaclue.

"Bella,pleasegivemeareasonableanswer."Shesaid,completelyignoringmysarcasm.

"I'msorry,whatwasthequestionagain?"Isaid,playingstupid.MaybeifIpushedherbuttonshardenough,she'dexplodeandrunoutofherescreaming.

"Howdoesthelackofcontactwiththemalegendermakeyoufeel?"Shesaid,patientlyagain.

"Likealoserwho'snotfuck-able."Isaid,givingheramegawattsmile,throwingmoresarcasmherwayagain.

IthinkIfinallymanagedtobreakherabit,becauseherpermanentlyplasteredsmiletwitchedabit,andherhandstensed.

"I'dappreciateitifyoudidn'tusethattypeoflanguageinmyoffice,please.We'retryingtostaypositivehere,remember?"Shesaid;hervoicealittleharder.

Ismiled,knowingIwasabouttogethertocrack.Ijumpeduponthecouch,andfoldedmykneesbeneathme,givingheranotherfake,red-carpetsmile.

"Whynot,Doc?We'rebestfriendsaren'twe?Actually,IconsideryoutobesomuchofagoodfriendthatIgotalittlesecrettotellyou.Solastnight,Iwaswalkingon6thstreetandIlookintothislittledinerinthestreetcorner,andIcouldhaveswornthere

wasthisladyintherethatlookedjustlikeyou,butIsaidtomyself,'Nah,thatcan'tbetheDoc.Justlookhowsluttishshe'sdressed.'AndI'mnotjoking,thiswoman'sboobswerepracticallyspillingoutofherdressandthisguyshewaswithwaspracticallydroolingand…"

AsIcontinuedtorambleonandon,Dr.Bennettstartedturningpalerbythesecond.Ismiledinwardlytomyself.IknewthatthewomanIhadseenwasindeedDr.Bennett,andIwasthoroughlyenjoyingherembarrassment.

Nowdon'tgetmewrong.I'mmakingDr.BennettsoundlikeahorriblepersonandI'msureifImetheronregularcircumstances,shewouldn'tannoymeasmuch.Itwasthetinylittlefactthatshewasmytherapistforaproblemofminethatshouldn'tbemadeintosuchabigdealthatmademehateher.

"Wellourhourisdone.I'llseeyouanothertimeBella."Shesaid,quicklyclosingafolderandstandingup.Ismiledtomyselfandstoodtoleave.

Shefinallycracked,Icouldtell.IknewthatwhenIgothome,Charliewouldgreetmewithafrownasheinformedmethatthetherapisthadcalledandquitonme.

"Bye,Doc!"Icalledoutandranoutoftheoffice.OnceIwasinmyrustytruck,Itookadeepbreathandturnedontheradio.

Ihaveyettoformallyintroducemyself.IamIsabellaSwan,butIpreferBella.Imighthavegivenoffthewrongfirstimpressionintheofficebefore;IonlyactlikethatwhenIamfacedwithmynaturalenemies.Therapists.

I'mnotreallylikethatthough.I'mactuallyveryshyandreserved.Ilovetoread,write,andlistentomusic.I'vealwaysbeenmoreofasensitiveandartistickindofgirl.

Ilovereadingclassicromancesandrelationshipsthatrequirelookingdeeperthanwhatwasonthesurface.Iwrotethingsthatharboredthedeepestfeelingsthatonlymysubconsciouswasallowedaccessto.AndIlistenedtomusicthatwasn'tjustaboutsongs,butaboutmessages,andemotions.

IcontinuedthehourlongdrivehometoForksandjustlostmyselfinmythoughts.IbetIknowexactlywhatyou'rethinking.You'reaskingyourself,"Whydoessheneedtogotoatherapist?"Well…I'mnotgoingtotellyouthatjustyet.I'msureyoumayhavegottenacluethoughwhenthepretentiousdoctormentionedsomethingaboutmalecontactearlier.

Thereareseveralthingsyoucanprobablythinkofthatwouldresultinmylackof

contactwiththemalegender,andI'lljustleaveyouguessingonthat.Icantellyouthough,thatit'snotjustwithguys.EveryoneseemstooverlookthefactthatI'mnotcomfortablewithpeople,ingeneral.SowhatifIfreakalittlewhenaguycomesclosetome.I'malwaysfreakingoutwhenanyonecomesclosetome.

Doyoueverfeellikeapersonthatyouwalknexttoonthestreetmightjustgrabyoubyyourhairanddragyouofftokillyou?That'showIfeelallthetime.I'malittleparanoidIguess,butplentyofpeoplearelikethat.Idon'tseewhyI'mtheonlyonewho'sgettingdraggedofftoseealoonydoctor.

IpulledintoCharlie'sdrivewayandgrabbedmybagbeforegettingout.IworkedmyjawmusclesabitsoIcouldkeepcontrolofthemwhiletalkingtoCharlie,soIwouldn'tbustoutsmiling.Thenhewouldknowwhatwasgoingon.

"I'mhome,dad!"IcalledoutwhenIgotinside.

"I'minthekitchen!"Heyelledback.Hisdeepvoicesoundedalittletense,andIdidalittlevictorycheerinmyhead,knowingthenewsthatwasabouttocome.

"What'sup?"Iasked,sittingacrossthetablefromhimwherehewasdrinkingabeer.

"Bella,Ihavesomethingtotellyou."Hestated,lookinganywherebutatme.

"Yeah,dad?"Iasked,likeIalwaysdid.Ihadplentyofpractice.

"Dr.Bennettcalledand…she'snotgoingtobeworkingwithyouanymore."Hesaid,finallylookingatme.

Iactedlikepracticedandletmyfacefallforawholesecond,beforewipingallemotionoffmyface.

"That'sfine."Isaid,knowingitwouldcausehimtosighinrelief,andgivehimthethoughtthatIhadnothingtodowiththeDoctorquittingonme.

ImovedtogetupfromthetablebutCharliegrabbedmyhand.Ifrozeforawholesecondatthesuddencontact.Charlieimmediatelydroppedmyhandwhenheheardmyquickintakeofbreath.

"Sorry."Hewhispered.Hisheadbowed,andhishandclenchedintoafist."I'msosorry,Bella."Hewhispered.

Iheardhisvoicebreakabit,andIfrozeagain.Charlieneverlikedtoshowemotions.Wewerethesameinthatway.Hewasalwayssostrong.Ihadonlyseenhimcry

onceandthatwaswhen….theaccidenthappened.Ididn'tliketoseehimcry.Itscaredmebeyondwords.Tohearthemanwho'salwaysthereforyou,youronlyhelpinghand,theonlymanyoutrust;tohearhimcry,waslikesomeonestabbingtheirhandintoyourchestanddiggingtheirclawsintoyourheart.

"Idon'tknowwhattodo,Bella."Hewhispered,lookingupatmewithglazedeyes.MybreathshookasIsatbackdown.

"Ishouldhavebeenabletoprotectyou;Ishouldhavebeenabletostophimintime."Hewhispered."Now,Ican'tevenhugmydaughterwithouthergettingfrightened.Idon'tknowwhattodo.Iknowyoudon'tlikethetherapists,butIdon'tknowhowtohelpyou.Ijustwantmydaughtertobeabletolivealifewithoutfear."

Istaredathim,heartbrokenbyhiswords.Iknewtheincidenthadn'tjustaffectedme.IknewitaffectedCharlieaswell,butthiswasthefirsttimeIhadeverheardhimsaythesewords.Hewastellingmehisexactthoughts,thoughtsthatchildrennormallyneverhearfromtheirparents.Ijuststaredathim.

"I'msorry,Bella.It'sjust,"hesniffled,wipinghiseyes,"IwishthatIcouldgobackintotime,andstopwhathappened."

"It'sokay,dad."Ibegan,tryingtothinkofwhatelsetosay.

Wewereinterruptedwhenthephonerang.

"ThatwouldbeAlice."Hesaid,wipingawayalltracesoftears."Shecalledearlierforyou.Betternotkeepherwaiting."Hesaid,withasmile.

AnotherthingabouttherelationshipbetweenCharlieandI.Wewereverygoodatquicklyputtingthingsbehindus.

"Right"Isaid,smilingback.

"HeyAlice"IstatedwhenIgottothephone.

AliceBrandonandIhadmetoursophomoreyearofhighschoolandwehadbeenbestfriendseversince.Aftersurvivingthehellonearthknownashighschool,shewentonwithmetotheUniversityofWashington,andwecamehometoForkseveryweekend.MyappointmentswiththetherapistswerealwaysonSaturdayssothatIcouldgothereandthencomehometomydad.

Alicewasmajoringinfashionanddesign.Shejustlovedmakingclothesandthenforcingmeintothem.Ihadtoadmitherclotheswerereallycute,butIwasoneof

thosepeoplewhothoughtsomethingwouldbecooltowear,butthenIneverwouldwearit.Shewashelpinghermomoutrightnowinalittleboutiqueshopsheowned,thatAlicewouldonedaytakeover.

Iwasmajoringinmusicengineering.IdidmyfirstyearattheArtInstitutesSchoolinSeattleandthentransferredtotheUniversityofWashingtontofinishmystudies.IhadtheengineeringpartdownandIwasjuststudyingmusiccultureandhistorynow.IalreadyhadalittlejoblinedupformeattheFullSoundRecordingStudioinSeattle.Ikindofhadaninternshipthererightnow,andwentintoworkfromtimetotime.

"Hey,Bella,whatareyoudoingrightnow?"Alice'stinklingvoiceaskedme.

"Nothingmuch.Why?Doyouhavesomethingplanned?"Iasked,alreadyknowingtheanswer.

"Shopping!"Shesquealed.

"No."Isaidimmediately.Shoppingwasfunwhenyouhadmoneyandyouwereonyourownterms,butdefinitelynotwithAlice.Shetookthingsalittletotheextreme.

"Please."Shewhined.Icouldjustpictureherlittlepoutnow.Herbiggrayeyeswouldwidenandglisten,whileherlittlenosecrinkledabit,andherpinklipspouted.Thatfacewasimpossibletoreject.

IwasverythankfulthatIwastalkingtoheroverthephone,orelseIwouldhavegivenin.

"Alice,I'mtired.IjustcamebackfromtherapyandI'mreadytojustcrash."Isaidwithasigh.

"ButBella,wehardlyevergetto-"Hernextattempttogetmetosurrendertoherwascutoffwhensheletoutaloudsqueal.

"Alice?"Iasked,immediatelyalert.TheworstranthroughmyheadandallIcouldthinkwasNotAlice.

"ForgetwhatIwassaying,justgototheTVandgotochannelthirtynow!"Shesaidquickly.

Iletoutasighofrelief,andatthesametimeIranovertothelivingroomwhereCharliehadjustfallenasleep.

IturnedontheTVandthefirstwordsIheardmademejump,squealandaccidentallytripandlandonCharlie'ssleepingform.

"Whathappened?"Hesaidinasleepyvoice.

"Nothingdad,sorry!"IquicklyapologizedandturnedmybacktotheTV.

"Alternativerockband,Asphyxiated,hasfinallyreleasedaconfirmationthattheyarenowworkingontheirnextalbum,andtheywillberecordingsoon,alongwithplayingsomeminorshowsintheSeattlearea."Thereporterannounced.

Behindher,millionsofscreamingfanswererestrainedbehindvelvetropes,wherethethreemembersofAsphyxiatedwerewalking,smiling,andsigningautographs.

"Leadsinger,EdwardMason,confirmedtherumorsofanewrecordduringtheirlastconcertontour,andalso,putastoptothescreamingrumorsofhissupposedrelationshipwithmodelTanyaDenali."

ThescreenswitchedtoaquietscenewhereEdwardwassittingdownandthereporterwasinfrontofhim.

"Sothelatestnews,asyouknow,isthissupposedrelationshipbetweenyouandTanyaDenali.Canyougiveussomeinformationonthat?"Sheasked.

IwatchedasEdward'semeraldeyeswidenedforasecondbeforeheranhislongfingersthroughhisbronzehair.OneimportantthingtoknowaboutEdwardMason,isthatheisalivingGreekgod.Hisfacelookedlikeitwaschiseledtoperfectionwithhisstraightnose,strongsquarejaw,andsharpcheekbones.

Itwasveryeasytoseethathalfoftheband'sfansweregirls,becausealongwithEdwardbeinggorgeous,theguitarist,anddrummerwerealsogorgeous.Jasperplayedthebass,wastallandlean,withshaggyblondehair,andcrystalblueeyes.Emmettplayedthedrumsandwasbuiltwithalotofmuscles,andhaddarkcurlyhair,softbrowneyes,andcutedimples.AndEdwardwastheleadsinger,playedrhythmguitarandpiano,andofcoursehadbronzehairandgreeneyes.

"That'snottrue."Edwardspokeinhisvelvetyvoicethatsangmetosleepeverynight."TanyaandIarebarelyevenacquaintances.Ionlymetheratanafterpartyandwetalkedforasecond."Hetoldthereporter.

IletoutabreathofreliefIdidn'tknowIhadbeenholding.Ididn'tbelieveintherumorstobeginwith,quitetheoppositeactually,Iknewthattheywerecompletetrash.HowcouldtabloidsexpectustobelievethatEdwardhadbeengoingoutwith

Tanya?IfyouobsessedasmuchasIdid,youcouldtellthatEdwardwasadefiniteshyguy.Hestumbledabitwheneverhetalkedtothepress,andwhenitwasagirlreporter,hewasevenmorenervous.Hehadevenrevealedthisshynesshimselfinaninterview.

"Isthereasignificantanyoneatall?"Thereporterasked.

"No,butwhoknows,maybesomeday."Hesaidwithadazzlingcrookedsmilewhilescratchingthebackofhisheadembarrassingly.

Thesceneswitchedafterthatandthenewsswitchedofftosomethingelse.IturnedofftheTV,andbroughtthephonebacktomyearwhereAlicewasstartingtotalkagain.

"Well,that'sgood.ThatTanyagivesmeabadfeeling.ButhowcometheyonlyaskedaboutEdward'slovelife?IwouldlovetoknowifJasperissingle!"ShegiggledaftershementionedJasper.

WhileIhadahugecrushonEdward,shewasinlovewithJasper.Emmett,thedrummer,wasactuallymarriedtoanactress,RosalieHale,whowasthepictureofperfection.

"Yeah.I'mgoingtogotosleepnow,soI'lltalktoyoulater,Alice."Isaid,walkingupthestairs.

"Fine,goodnight."Shesaidbeforehangingup.

Ifellintobedandturnedonmystereo,thespeakersimmediatelyreleasingthesweetmelodiesofharmonizingguitarsbeforeEdward'svoicesangout.

Mymindbegantorelaxashisvoiceenvelopedaroundmeandthesteadybeatingofdrumslulledmetosleep.

Asphyxiatedwasmyfavoriteband.Itwasn'tthatthebandmemberswereallgoodlookingthatdrewmein,butthemusic,andthelyrics.Itwassohardtofindmusicthesedays,thatwasn'taboutsexordrugs,andAsphyxiatedsangnothingaboutthatstuff.Itwasallaboutamessage.Messagesliketherearepeopleouttherewhofeeljustasaloneasyoudo,andthatyoushouldbewhoyouareevenifitmeansthatyouwon'tfitinwiththecoolcrowd.

Thiswaswhymusicwasmylife.

Won'tyoubelieveinthisliewithusall?

Butnowmybody'sonthefloorandIamcalling,I'mcallingouttoyou

Canyouhearmenow?

What'swrong,what'swrong,what'swrong?

Nowmybody'sonthefloorandIamcalling,I'mcallingouttoyou

Canyouhearmenow?

ThemusicfadedoutandanothersongbeganbutIhadalreadyfallintomydreamlesssanctuarythatwasfilledwithmelodiesandvelvetwords.

Edward'sPOV:

"Ispendtwosecondswiththatbimbomodelandsuddenlyshe'smygirlfriend?!"IcriedoutinfrustrationasIthrewmyselfdownontothecouch.

"Comeon,Tanya'snotthatbad."Jaspertoldmeashebenthisheadoverhisguitarwherehewasrandomlystrumming.

Ithrewanicyglareathimbeforeclearingmythroat.

"Didyouevenhearthewayshetalks?"Iaskedincredulously."Sheusedtheword'like'almosteveryotherword.Doyouhaveanyideahowannoyingthatis?"Iasked,throwingmyarmovermyeyes,willingtheheadachetogoaway.

"Whatareyoulosersupto?"EmmettaskedashewalkedintothebasementwhereJasperandIwereseated.

"We'rediscussingwhetherTanyaDenaliisannoyingornot."Jaspersaid,finallylookingupfromhisstringsandshakinghishairoutofhiseyes.

"She'sannoying."Emmettsaidimmediately."Hot.Butannoying."

"Ha."IsaidweaklyinJasper'sdirection.Hejustlaughedandcontinuedhisstrumming.

IbegansoftlysingingasmyeyesinvoluntarilyclosedandIdriftedofftosleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Forme,thebeginningalwayssucks,butdon'tworry,thingswillbecomeclearerandgetbetterlateron.

ThesongusedforthischapterwasHearMeNowbyFramingHanley.

Musichasabigpartinthisfanfictionsoyoucansendmebandnamesatanytimeandthereshouldbeasonginorattheendofeverychapter.

ForAllTheLovers

Disclaimer:Idon'townEdwardCullenbutthere'snocopyrightthatsaysthatIdon'townmusicianEdwardMason.Mwahahahaha

Bella'sPOV:

IwentbacktoSeattleonSundayafteraweekendofshoppingwithAliceandseveralconversationswithCharlie.Itwasdecidedthattherapywasdoingnothingforme,andImanagedtoconvincehimthatIwasfinewiththewaymylifewasandifIwantedtochange,Iwoulddoitmyself.

Alicestayedforanotherdaybecauseshedidn'thaveanyclassesonMondayandshewantedtotaketheopportunityformoreshopping.Iwouldn'tcallherashoppingaddictbutwhenshehadthemoney,themallwasalwaysherfirstplacetogo.

IwasjustleavingmythirdclasswhenIgotacallfromAngelaWebber,my'supervisor'attherecordingstudio.Angelawasreallycool,andwasjustafewyearsolderthanme.Sheknewhowmuchmusicmeanttomeandshealwayscalledmewheneversomethingamazingwasgoingtohappenatthestudio.

"HeyAngela"IgreetedherasIwenttogositonthegrassjustoutsidethebuilding.Ididn'thaveanotherclassforanotherfewhourssoIwasreadytojustrelax.

"Bowdownandclaimyourworshiptome."Sheresponded,hervoiceurgentandalittlebreathless.

Asmileimmediatelypulledontomyfacebecauseshewasalwayslikethiswhensomethingbigwashappeningatthestudio.

"Angela,Ithrowmyselfatyourfeet,youaremygoddess.There,Isuckedup,sonowtellmewhat'sgoingon!"Iexclaimed,gettingafewweirdlooksfrompeoplewalkingby.Iblushedabit,butlaughedatmyself,imagininghowweirdmyexclamationjustwas.

Angelalaughedontheotherendandtookabigbreath,makingmeantsywithanticipation.

"Asphyxiatedisgoingtoberecordingwithus!"Shesquealed.

"OhmyGod!"WasthefirstthingoutofmymouthbeforeIquicklyslappedmyhandovermymouthtokeepfromscreamingoutinexcitement.

Isquealedintomyhandandmylegs,whichhadbeencrossedfromsittingontheground,wereshakingrapidly.

"Youstillthere,ordidyoudiefromexcitement?"Angelaasked;asmugtoneinhervoice.

"I'mstillhere."Imanagedtocroakoutbeforerapidlywhispering."Youmeanthatthegodsofthemusicworldaregoingtoberecordingatourstudio?Nojoke?"

"Nojoke."Shereassuredme."They'recomingtonighttojustgetafeeloftheplaceandyou'rewelcometocome,IadviseyoutobecauseIdecidedtomakethisyourfirstproject."Shefinishedasmileinhervoice.

"Really?"Iwhispered,notbelievingher."YoumeanthatI'llbespendingalltheirrecordingtimewiththem?"

"Yes.You'remorethanreadytotakethison,andIknowthatthey'remorethanjustafavoritebandtoyou.Doyouwanttodothis?BenandIwillbetheretohelpifyouneedit."Shetoldme,suddenlyseemingalittlehesitant.

Honestly,Iwasalittlehesitantmyself.Sure,I'dlovetogoandmeetthem,buttotakeonthejobofsupervisingtheirrecordingswasascarythought.WhatifImessedsomethingup?Thebandwouldhateme,theirfanswouldhateme,Iwouldhateme.

Angelasensedmysuddenfear.

"Comeon,Bella."Shepersuaded."Thisisanopportunitythatnotalotofpeopleget.Justimaginehowfaryourcareercouldgoifyouwereinvolvedwithamajorband.Please?"

Itookadeepbreathandquelledtheswarmofbutterfliesinmystomach.Shewasright.Besides,howcoolwoulditbetotellReneeonmynextvisittoFloridathatIgottomeetmyfavoritebandonapersonallevelandgottoworkwiththem?Verycool,that'swhat.

"Onequestion"Isaid,knowingthatIcouldn'tsharethisexperiencebymyself.

"Shoot."Angelaresponded,stillhesitantonmyanswer.

"CanAlicecome?"

AngelalaughedheartilyontheotherendandIcouldjustimaginehersighinrelief.

"Sure."


AfteracalltoAlicefilledwithsqueals,screams,andacontinuousstreamofherthankingme,Iwenttomydormandcollapsedonmybed.

I'msureplentyofyouhavemetyourheroonetimeoranother,right?I'malsosureyoucanrelatewhenIsaythatIamscarilycalmontheoutside,whileontheinsideIwasgoinghaywire.

Iwaspanicked,andatthesametime,completelyexcited.MystomachwasflippingandconstrictingandIknewIneededtoeatbecauseIhaven'teatensinceyesterdayatdinner,butIdidn'twanttoriskeatinganything.Todaywasnodayforthrowingup.

Iwassupposedtogotothestudioateight,anditwassixrightnow.ShouldIbethereearlytohelpAngelawithanything?OrshouldIgetthereatthesametimeastheband?ShouldIwaitforAliceorshouldImeetherthere?

Mymindwasbouncingoffthewalls.

IdecidedtojustplaymyC.D,andtryandrelax.Itdidn'thelpasmuchthough,becausethebandwasofcourse,Asphyxiated,anditjustremindedmethatIwasgoingtoactuallymeetthem.

Ihadmetotherbandsofcourse,butnoneofthemcouldcomparetoAsphyxiated.Ihonestlypicturedmyselftobetheirbiggestfan,thoughI'msuretherewereotherpeopleouttherewhoknewjustasmuchaboutthemasIdid.Butcouldanyofthemconnectonthesamelevel?Couldanyofthemfeelthatemotionofunderstandingandbelongingwhentheylistenedtotheirmusic?

ItmeantalottometofeellikeIwasunderstood.LikeIwasn'tavictimtofate,badtiming,and/oramesseduplife.TherewereotherpeopleintheworldwhohavegonethroughthesamethingIhave,whofeelexactlythewayIdo,butthatdoesn'tstopmefromfeelingsoalone.

AllthatchangeswhenIhearmusicplaying.Tohearemotionspurestform.Tohearthewrittenpoetrythatcouldmeanamilliondifferentthings.Toheartheharmonythatcaneithermakeyoucryorlaugh.Tohearafamiliarbeatthatbringsyoutohappymemories.

Allofitmakesyoufeellikeyoubelongexactlywhereyouare.

MythoughtswereinterruptedwhenAlicecamebarginginthedoor,lookingfrazzled,

andthrewherbagsonherbed.

"Notimetowaste,wehaveonlytwohourstogetreadyandgetoverthere!Let'smove,move,andmove!"Hertinklingvoiceorderedashertinybodyranintoherclosetandshebegantoflingoutclothes.

Iwatched,highlyamused,asshebustledaboutforafewmomentsbeforesherealizedIwasn'tmoving.

"Bella,whyareyoujustsittinghere?!We'regoingtogomeetourfavoritebandinonlytwohoursandyou'resittingherewithastupidsmileonyourface!"Sheyelledout,frustratedandfrazzled.

"Alice,calmdown.Whydon'tyoutellmewhyyou'refreakingout?"Isaid,tryingtofigureouthowtocalmdownhernervesbeforeshehittheroof.

"Idon'tknow."Shemoanedasshesatdownonthebedanddroppedherheadinherhands."IhaveafeelinglikethismeetingisveryimportantandIjustwanttomakeagoodfirstimpression."

Shelookedupatmewithherwidegrayeyesfilledwithanxiety.Iwasfreakingoutjustasmuchontheinside,butIhadgottengoodatsuppressingmyfeelingsovertheyears.Rightnow,IneededtocalmAlicedown.

"You'realwayshelpingmemakeagoodfirstimpression,Alice,soletmehelpyoutoday."Ibegan;smilingatherashertensionslowlyleftherbody."I'vemetotherbandsbeforeAlice,andhowyoudressdoesn'taffectthem.Justputonwhateveriscomfiest,andbeyourself."

Hertinyarmswrappedaroundmywaistandsherestedherheadagainstmyshoulder.Ifeltalittleawkwardathertouch,butAlice'stouchwassoinnocent,likeachild's.TherewasnowayIcouldbescaredorapprehensiveabouther.

Sheletoutahugesighandshesqueezedmywaistforasecond."Thanks,Bella."

"Anytime."Ioffered,gigglingabittolightenthemood.

Mylaughterhadthedesiredeffect,andAlicejumpedoffthebedandgrabbedmyhands,herfacebrighteningasshesmiled.

"Wellthen,let'sgetready!Casualornot,weareabouttomeetthreeofthemostgorgeousmenintheworld,andIamnotgoingtomeetthemlookinglikeIrolledoutofthewrongsideofthebedonaMondaymorning."

OurlaughterharmonizedtogetherasIjumpeduptojoinherinherfashionquest.


"Twomoreminutes"Alicesquealed,asshebouncedupanddownonthecouchintherecordingstudio.

"They'renotgoingtoberightonthedot,Alice."BensaidfromhisspotnexttotheAngela.

"Youdon'tthinkthey'llcancel,doyou?!"Alicesuddenlyasked,horrified.Icouldn'thelpbutlaugh.

"Alice,itisveryimportantforthemtoactuallygotoarecordingstudioiftheyplanonsellinganewrecord,soIdoubtthey'llcancel."Itoldherfrommyspotonthecouchnexttoher.Shevisiblyrelaxedatmywords.

"They'rehere."Angelaannouncedfromherspotbesidethewindow.

"OhmyGod!"Isuddenlyexclaimed,finallylettingtheexcitementgettome.

"Youweretellingmetocalmdown."Alicemumbled,lookingatmewithamusement.

"Alice,we'reabouttomeetthemusicgodsoftheuniverse!Canyoubelieveit?!"Itoldherinrushedwhispers,suddenlynotbeingabletofindmyvoice.

"Iknow!"Shesquealedinthesamewhisper.

IclenchedmyfiststightlyasIwaitedforthedoorstoopen,andIwaspainfullyawareofmybreathcominginfast,shortgasps.

"Ow,Emmett,thathurt!"Amuffledvoicecamefromtheothersideofthedoor,followedbymusicallaughterandanothermuffledvoice.

"Sorry,Ican'tgetthedoortoopen."

Suddenly,thedoorburstsopen,andmythreemusicidolswalkedintotheroom.

"EmmettMcCartyatyourservice!"Thedrummersaidexcitedlyashewalkedintotheroom.

IhadlongbeforediscoveredthatEmmettMcCartywas,nodoubt,thejokesterofthethree.Hewasalwayssmilinginfrontofcameras,andhewasalwaysdoingthefunstuff,suchascrowdsurfingduringconcerts.

"Ow."Mumbledtheguitarist,JasperWhitlock,ashecameinrubbinghisarmstenderly.

IcouldtellthatJasperwasthecalmeroneoutofthethree,thoughbytheentrancethattheyhadjustmade,I'msurehecouldbejustasfunasEmmett,ifyougottoknowhim.MaybeIwouldbegiventhatchance.

Theleadsinger,Edward,thenwalkedinbehindhim,acrookedsmileinplaceashechuckledathisbandmembers.Ifeltmyselfsmileashewalkedin,notbelievingthatmyidolwasinthesameroomasme.

BeingasobsessedafanasIam,IcouldtellthatEdwardwasdefinitelyamusicalandsensitivesoul.Hewroteabouttheexactthingshefelt,soitwassoeasytoseewhohewasandthat'swhatmadehimconnectwithhisfanssoeasily.

"Helloeveryone."Edwardsaidashesurveyedeveryoneontheroom.Ifeltmyheartstopwhenhiseyeslandedonme.

Helookedatme!Agirlysquealsoundedoffinsideofme.Man,IneedtopullmyselftogetherbeforeImakeatotalfoolofmyself.

"Hello."Angelasaidasshesteppedforward,pullingBenwithher.IgrabbedAlice'selbowandstoodupaswell.

"I'mAngelaWebber;thisismypartnerhereatthestudio,aswellasmyboyfriend,BenCheney."Sheintroduced,asshesteppedforwardandBenandhershookeachofthebandmember'shands.

"ThisisAliceBrandon,afriendofMissBellaSwanoverthere,whowillbeinchargeofsupervisingtherecordingsandengineeringforyouguys."Angelaexplained,pointingoutAliceandmyself.

Theboyscameoverandshookourhands,andthoughIhadtoadmit,itwasalittleawkwardforme,theexcitementtotallyoverrodeit,andIwasfloatingoncloudnine.WhenEdwardshookmyhand,anelectricshockflewthroughmeandIimmediatelypulledaway,asEdwarddidthesame.

IstaredstrangelyatmyhandandcontemplatedwhatIjustfelt.Itwasn'tanelectricshockreally,becauseitwasn'tpainful.Quitethecontrary,itwaswarm,andpleasurable.

"I'mEdwardMason."Edwardofferedus,smilingatallofus.

"JasperWhitlock."Jasperfollowed,givingusallanodofhishead.

"AndIamEmmettMcCarty,wonderfuldrummeroftophitalternativeband,Asphyxiated!"Emmettexclaimed,suddenlypointingathisshirt.

Weallcouldn'thelpbutlaughaswefinallytookinthematchingshirtsthattheboyswerewearing.Theywereabaseballdesignkindofshirt,withsleevesuptotheelbows.Inthefront,itsaidAsphyxiated.

Whenthebandturnedtogogiveusanotherview,wesawthattheirlastnamewasprintedontherespectableshirtoftheowner,withaguitargraphic,andthennamesofcitiesthattheywouldbetouring.

"Verynice."Isaid,smilingasIgazedatthematchingshirts,whichcausedEmmetttostartflexinghismuscles.Wealllaughedagain.

"Thanks,myauntmadethemforus."Edwardsaid,smilingatme.

Edward'sPOV:

IsmiledasIheardhermusicallaughteragain.Shefitwellintothemusicscene,Ibethervoiceandlaughtercouldinspiremillionsofmusicians.

"Youguysarewelcometolookaround,getafeeloftheplace."Bentoldus,gesturingwithahand.

"Don'tmindifIdo!"Emmettsaid,sprintingofftothedoorthatledfromthecontrolroomtothestudio.

BellastoodupandopenedthecurtainswhichgaveusviewofthestudioandwewatchedasEmmettflittedaround,gazingateverythinghecould.

Jasperwalkeduptothemusicconsolewhereheobservedthecontrols,dials,andknobs.

Iwenttothewall,wherepicturesandrecordswereallhangingup.IwentthroughseveralpicturesuntilIgottosomewithBellainthem.

Igazedateachone,withthebandsthatshewasposingwithandotherpicturesofherhoveringoverthemusicconsole,herhandsonthedialsasshewatchedthebandplay,alookofpassionateconcentrationonherface.

"Howlonghaveyoubeenworkinghere?"Iaskedoutloud.

"Who?"Angelaasked.

"Bella"Istated,turningabittoseeherlookatmeasIsaidhername.

"I'mactuallyaninternofsorts."Sheadmitted,lookingdownalittlesheepishly.HercheeksfilledwitharedrosycolorandIhadaninstinctiveurgetobrushhercheek.

"Shemaynotbeanactualemployeebutshe'swellonherwaytobe."Bensaid,alittledefensively,asifhewasexpectingmetostartbashingonBella,orsomething."She'salreadygotareservedspotandshe'shelpedseveralofourclients."

"That'sprettyawesome."Jaspersaid,turningtolookatBellawithalookofrespectandawe.

"Itis."Isaid,gazingatheraswell.Icouldn'thelpmytraitorouseyesfromtracingthefeaturesofherface.

Herheartshapedfacewasframedwithlongmahoganyhair,andherdoelikeeyesweresurroundedwithdarklashes.Herlipswereperfect,full,andred.

SowhatifIwasalittletakenbackwithherbeauty?I'maguy,it'sexpected.WhatIcouldn'texplainthough,wasthatpleasurablecurrentthatflewthroughuswhenIshookherhand.

"Thankyou."Shemumbled,thatrosycolorpaintinghercheeksagain.

AlittlegigglecausedBella,Jasper,andItolookwhereAlicewasstanding,amusementdancinginhereyes.Sheseemedlikeafunlittleoddone,andtheunexpectedgiggleseemedtoconformit.

"Alice?"Bellaasked,raisinghereyebrowatherfriend.

"It'snothing;I'mjustbeingweirdagain."Shesaidwithalittleundertoneofsmugnessinhervoice.

"HowlonghaveyouandBellabeenfriends?"Jasperaskedthelittlesprite.

Iturnedtolookathim,shockedtoseethathewastalkingtosomeonewhohedidn'tknowmorepersonally.Thiswasanunexpectedevent.HewasstaringatAlicewithalookofintenseconcentration,andheseemedtoevenforgetthattherestsofuswereintheroom.

"Aboutfouryears."Sheanswered,hergazefixedjustasintenselyonhimaswell.

Helookedlikehewantedtosaysomethingelse,butwhenAlicewalkedtoplantherselfbesidehim;hethrewawaywhateverhewasgoingtosayandescapedtotheirownlittleprivateworld.

"Interesting."Bellamumbledbesideme.

"Very."Iagreed,beforeIbroughtbackmyfullattentiontoher.

"Soyourstudyingrecordingengineering,I'mguessing."Iasked.

"Yes.Musicisbasicallymylife,soImadeitmyjobaswell."Shesaid,asshewalkedtositonthesofaagain.Ijoinedher.

"IfeelobligatedtosaythatIamverygladtobeworkingwithyouguys.Asphyxiatedismyfavoriteband."Shetoldme,blushingabitagain,lookingdownathershoes.

"Ilookforwardtoworkingwithyou,andthankyou.Thatreallymeansalot."Ireplied.

Anditdid.Everytimesomeonetoldmethatweweretheirfavoriteband,Ifeltpridefillmychest.Inaworldfullofamazingmusicthatinspiredus,itfeltgoodtoknowthatsomeonefoundusspecialenoughtobetheirfavorite.

Aknockbroughtusalloutofoutindividualconversations,andwealllookedtoseeEmmettstandingatthewindowofthestudio.Hepointedtohismouthandear,whichledJaspertofliptheswitchsowecouldhearhim.

"Thisstudioiswickedawesome!Canwepleaseplayasong?Please,please,please?"Emmettbegged,wideninghiseyesandpoutinghislips.

IturnedtolookatAngelaandBenwhoweresmilingathisantics.

"Sure."Angelasaid.

Excitementfilledme,andIjumpedup,alongwithJasper,andrantothedoorthatledustothestudio.

"You'rewelcometoanyoftheinstrumentsthere,guys."Ben'svoicesaidfromhisspotatthemusicconsole,whereBellaandAngelaweresitting,theirhandshoveringoverthecontrols.

"Wanttoplaythenewsongwewereworkingonyesterday?"IaskedEmmettandJasper.Theynoddedandmovedtohookuptheirinstruments.

Ihookedupthekeyboardandrhythmguitar,aswellasthemicrophonebeforeweall

putonourheadphones.

"Ready?"Angela'svoiceasked.Iputmythumbupandthentookastepforwardtoputthemicrophoneatmylips.

Thisonegoesouttothelonely

Thisonegoesouttothebrokenones

Thisonegoesouttotheangelsfallingfromthesky

Jasper'svoicejoinedminequietly,tocreatealittleundertonetothevocals.Icontinuedplayingthekeyboard,repeatingtherhythmoverandoveragain.

Thisonegoesouttoyourbrother

Thisonegoesouttoyourmother

Thisonegoesouttoyoursister

Andthisone'sforyou

EmmettjoinedinwiththedrumsandIquicklymovedmyhandstotheguitarstrappedaroundmyneckandcontinuedsinging.

Andalltheloverandbelievers

Andtheoneswho'vebeenbetrayed,

Forallthefighters,andthedreamers

Andtheoneswho'venotbeensaved

Don'tloseyourfaith,Iknowyou'reright

Don'tbescaredofbeinglonely,

I'mherewithyou

IlookedupandthefirstthingInoticedwasthethoughtfullookonherface,andthewaythatsheseemedtolookalmostsad.Iwasusedtoseeingatleastonepersonataconcerthavethislookontheirface,whichmeanttheywerehavinganemotionalconnectionwiththesong.

Whatkindofconnectioncouldshehavetothissongofsadhopeforsomeonewhohasn'thadthepictureperfectlife?

Thisonegoesouttothelonely

Thisonegoesouttothebrokenhearts

Thisonegoesouttothepeopleleftbehindwaitingtobefound

I'veseenyourshadowinthedark

I'veseenthestruggleinyourlife

Feelslikenothingcomesoutright

Isangthechorusagain,butIwasalsofocusedonthedeeppensivelookthatwasgrowingonBella'sface.Herhandwasrestingtightlyagainstherstomach,asiftryingtoholdinsobsortryingtocatchairtobreathe.

Ihadneverexperiencedtheamazingconnectionbetweenmusicianandfanuntilthismomentrightnow,whereitlookedlikethewordsIwassinging,wasactuallyconnectingwithheronanemotionallevel.

Andyet,IwassadtorealizethatBella'slifehadgonethroughsomethingobviouslyheartbreakingtobeabletohearthetruemeaningofthesong.Aswellassadnessforher,Ifeltaweirdsortofreliefgothroughme.Ihadwrittenthissonginmyownfeelingsofheartbreak,anditfeltrefreshingtoknowIwasn'taloneinadarkworld.ThattherereallywasapersonwhofelttheemotionlikeIdid.

Forallthelovers

Andbelievers

Andtheoneswho'venotbeenheard

Iknowyourright

You'vegotthatsomethinginyoureyes

Iknowthatyouwillbealright

Icontinuedsingingandsoftenedmyvoiceasitcametoanend.

Don'tloseyourfaith

Iknowyou'reright

Don'tbescaredofbeinglonely

I'mhereforyou

ThesongcametoanendandBella'swateryeyesfinallylookedupandmetmygaze.


Ha-ha,connectionbetweenthem!It'snotpainfullyobviousbutyoucantellthatsomething'sgoingonthere.Howmanyofyouguessedthat'swhyAlicewasgiggling?Showofhands…..heehee,Iknewit.

SongforthischapterwasForAlltheLoversbyStanfour.Youshouldcheckitout,it'sawesome!

Ifyouhaven'talready,pleasecheckoutmynewone-shotcalledWithMe.It'salittlerandomandfluffy.Lol

StayAwake

Disclaimer:Iwon'tsayit….No,Iwon't…Youcan'tmakeme!

Editor:SAYIT

…Fine,Idon'towntheTwilightcharacters.Happy?*Funsucker*

Bella'sPOV:

IlookedupandcametotherealizationthatEdwardwaswatchingme.Iturnedmybacktotheglassandquicklywipedawaymytears.

WhenIheardtheyweregoingtodoanewsong,Iwasecstatic.ThenEdward'svelvetyvoiceoverpoweredmeandthewordscaressedmeanddrewanemotionoutofmethatIthoughtIhadlongsincesuppressed.

Thatfeelingofdeepsadnessandterror:ofbeingcompletelydifferentfromeveryoneelse:ofbeingbroken.

Yet,IalsofeltsomethingthatIhadneverhadthepleasureoffeeling.Hope.Thosevelvetwordsunderstoodme,understoodothers,anditsparkedahopeinmethatIdidn'tneedtohideallthetime.

"Thatwasamazing!"Alice'stinklingvoiceexclaimed,snappingmeoutofmyfunk.

Iturnedtothedoorwherethebandmemberswerewalkingout.

"Thanks."Edwardmuttered,lockingmeinanotherintensestare.Itwastointenseforme,andIfeltthatawkwardparanoiaseepinginagain.Ilookedaway.

"So,doyouallstillplantocomeonThursdaytostart?"Angelaasked.

"Yeah,we'llbehere."Jasperanswered.

"Great!Bella,canyougivethemyourcontactinformationandthensetthealarmswhenyou'redone?AngelaandIhavesomeplans."Benasked,lookingalittlesheepish.

"Noproblem."Ireassuredhim.Turningoffsomeofthelights,theywalkedoutofthedoorandsaidtheirgoodbyes.

"Thursdaynightorafternoon?"Iasked.IhadseveralclassesThursdayafternoon

butafterthree,Iwascompletelyfree.

"Thursdaynightwouldbealittlemoreconvenient.MywifeandIhaveplans."Emmettanswered,flashingadimpledsmile.

"Perfect."Isaid,beforegettingdowntobusiness.


"Weregoingtogooutforabitetoeat,ifyouladieswanttojoinus?"Jasperaskedaswebegantoheadtoourseparatecars.

"Sure!"Aliceimmediatelyagreed.IwasjustabouttovoicemyagreementaswellbeforeIrealizedthatitwasalreadylate,andIhadclassesinthemorning.

"Ican't.Ihaveclassesinthemorning."Isaid,withafrownofdisappointment.EmmettliterallypoutedandEdwardfrownedabit.JasperwasalittletoobusystaringatAlicetonotice.

"Oh."Alicesaid,pouting.

"Thatdoesn'tmeanyoucan'tgowiththem,Alice.I'lljustcallacab."Iimmediatelysaid,notwantingtotakeanyfunoutofherexperienceofmeetingtheband.

"No,Idon'twantyougoinghomethislatebyyourself."Shetoldme,withalittlenodtoherheadwhichmademeclearofherintentions.Shewantedtomakesurenothinghappenedtome.

"Sorry,guys."Shetoldtheband,beforeshegrabbedmyhandandledmetothePorsche.

"Alice,ifyouwanttogo,thengo!"Iwhisperedtoher."I'llbefine,trustme.Youdon'tneedtobumdownyourlifebecauseyou'reworriedaboutme."Itoldher,tryingtoprymyhandoutofhers.

"Yourright,anyway.It'slate,andIalsohaveclassinthemorning."Shetoldme,flashingasmile,whichmademefeelalittlebitbetter.

"Bye."IheardEmmettcallandAliceandIwavedbackaswelefttocampus.

Edward'sPOV:

"Sowhatwaswiththegoo-gooeyesyouwerethrowingatBellaallnight,Eddie?"Emmettasked,snickeringashewasdriving.

"Firstofall,Ihavenocluewhatyou'retalkingabout.Secondofall,mynameisEdward,notEddie."Igrowledathim,feelingalittlecranky.

Actually,IfeltlikesomeonehadstolenmypuppyandIbetIlookedjustlikeittoo.

"Awe,areyoumissingheralready?"Hecontinuedmocking.Ithrewhimaglarefrommyspotofleaningmyheadagainstthewindow.

SowhatifIwantedtospendalittlemoretimegettingtoknowher?Ihadanexcuse,shewasutterlyfascinating.Shehadherwholelifesetupandshewasonlyincollege,sheclearlylovedmusicwithapassion,andtherewassomethingabouther.Hereyeswhichseemedtobesoemotionalduringcertaintimeswereclosedoffalltherest.Shewentthroughsomethinginlife,andsheobviouslywasverygoodathidingit.

SoIwasfascinated,that'snoreasonforEmmetttopickonme.Therewasareason,however,forJasper.

"Quitbuggingme,andwhydon'tyouaskwhyMr.shy-and-never-talks-to-new-people,whyhewasmakinggoo-gooeyesallnight."IsuggestedtoEmmett.Jasperimmediatelysnappedoutofhisquietstuporandglaredatme.Ionlysmirkedback.

"Yeah,whatwasupwiththat?"Emmettasked."Youhardlytalktoanyoneunlessyoureallyknowthem,andnowyouwouldn'tshutup.Haveafancyforthelittlepixie,don'twe?"Heteased.

"Yes."Jasperansweredshortly.Iturnedtohiminshock,andtookinhisdeadseriousface.

"Youjustmether."Idetailedin.Ididn'tmeananythingtoAlicebyit,butshecouldbeawholebunchofbadthings,andJasperwasalreadysmitten.

"Itdoesn'tmatter."Jasperdefendedquickly.Hispiercingblueeyesstaredoutthewindow,andalittlesmilewaspullingonhislips."She'sspecial.Iknowit."

Ijuststaredathim,tryingtofigureoutifhewasondrugsornot.Emmett,ontheotherhand,waslaughingandtalkingupastormabouthowcoolitwouldbetohavethelittlepixieasasister.

"Ialsogothernumber."Jaspersuddenlysaid.Myheadwhippedbacktolookathim,andsureenough,hewaswavinghisphonearoundproudly.

"Yougothernumber?"Iaskedincredulously.

"Yup."Hesaidsmugly."Imaybequietallthetime,butwhenImeetsomeonespecial,IpullouttheoldWhitlockcharm."

"WhatWhitlockcharm?"ImumbledasIturnedbackforwardinmyseat.Jasperhitthebackofmyheadinretaliation.

"Playnicekids."Emmettsaid,highlyamused,watchingourdisplayaswepulledintothelotofourbuilding.

IrolledmyeyesandjumpedoutofEmmett'sjeep.Wewentuptothetopfloorthatwesharedandenteredourseparateapartments.Weeachhadaroomandthenwesharedthethreeotherroomsonthefloorwhichwerethesmallstudio,thegameroom,andthentherandomroomwherewejustthrewstuffin.

Iwentstraighttobedandcollapsed.IturnedonmyIHomeandjustletthemusicwashoverme.Somuchhadhappenedtodayandyetitseemedlikenothingatallhadgonedown.TheonlythingwedidwasgocheckoutthestudiowhereweweregoingtorecordandthenextthingIknow,I'mgettingdraggedintomythoughtsbecauseofagirlImet.

Thatwasnotnormal.Shewasnotnormal.

Igroanedandrolledoverinbed,kickingoffmyshoesandmanagingtowiggleoffmyjeansatthesametime.Ipulledupthecoversandthentookmyshirtoffbeforesettlingdeeplyintomybed.

Ibegansingingsoftly,likeIdideverynight,andIslowlybegantodrifttosleep.


Thenextdaywehadspentbyplayingaroundandwritinganothersong,andnowitwasThursdaynightandwewereheadingovertothestudio.

"Happythatyou'regoingtoseeyourgirlfriendagain,Jasper?"IteasedasIdrovetheVolvo.

Allofyesterday,whenwewereplaying,Jasperkepttextingandsometimes,hehadanoccasionalcall.Finally,afterEmmettpinnedhimdownandIstolehiscellphone,wesawthathehadbeentalkingtoAlice.

"She'snotmygirlfriendandshutup."Jaspermumbled.Icouldseeinthereviewmirrorthathewasturningalittlepink.Isnickeredquietlytomyself.

"Jasper'snottheonlyonewho'sexcitedtoseesomeone,isheEddie?"Emmettbegan."Youweremopingaroundallofyesterday,andnow,suddenlyyou'reMr.Happy."

"Shutup."Isnapped."Iwasnotmoping."

JaspersnortedbehindmeandEmmettwaslaughing.Okay,somaybeIwasmoping.I'lladmitit.ApartofmewascravingtoruntoBella'scollegeandtrytofindher.Afteryesterday'sshortconversationwithher,Icouldn'thelpbutgetaddicted.Shewasfascinating,andIcouldtelltherewassomuchunderthesurfacewithher.

"Justadmitit,Eddie.You'recrushingonher."Emmettsaidfromhisspotnexttome,slappingmyshoulder.

"Idon'thaveacrushonher."Istarted.BothofthemsnortedandIrolledmyeyes."Thereissomethingaboutherthough."

"Yeah."Jaspersuddenlysaidfrombehindme."Inoticedthat.Thewayshehideseverything,andyoucanhardlyeventell.Thewayshefocusesherlifesomuchonmusiclikeshe'stryingtoescapefromsomething."

"Exactly."Imumbled,asIpulledintothelotofthestudio."Ijustwanttoknowher."

AsIsteppedoutofthecar,Icouldn'thelpbutsmileattheyellowPorscheandtherustyredtrucknexttoit.Bellalookedlikesomeonewhowoulddrivethattruck.

"Honey,I'mhome."Emmettcalledasheopenedthedoortothestudio.

SeverallaughssoundedoffandItriedtopushmywayinsidebutIgotinlast.EmmettimmediatelystartedtalkingwithAngelaandBen,whileJasperrushedovertothecouchwhereAlicewassittingsilently,writingsomething.

IsearchedforBellabutIcouldn'tfindher.IwasabouttoaskwhenIcaughtsightofherthroughthewindowleadingtothestudio.

Shewasholdinganacousticguitarandherfingersstrokedthechordsrhythmically.Thesoundwasn'tturnedonthough,soIcouldn'thearwhatshewasplaying.IopenedthedoortothestudioassilentlyasIcould,andsteppedin.

Shedidn'tnoticemyentrance,butshedidstopplayingforasecond.Thenthenextsecondshestartedagain.HernimblefingersplayedafamiliarmelodyandIcouldhearherquietwhispersasshesangthewordssoftlytoherself.

Icouldn'tquitemakeoutthewordsbutIknewthesongsoIknewwhatshewassinging.Hervoicesoundedsmoothandvulnerable.Iwasstandingrightnexttoherandshehadn'tevennoticed,becauseherhairwascastingaveilbetweenherfaceandmysight.Ibadlywantedtoseeherexpressionthough.

TherewasachairrightinfrontofhersoIwalkedaroundandsatinit.Herexpressionmademyheartmelt.Hereyeswereclosedbutherbeautifulfeaturesweresorelaxedanditmadeherfaceglowwithpassion.

"Wow."Isighedsoftly,notevenrealizingit.Shehearditthough.

Hereyesflewopenandshesuckedinasharpbreath.

"Sorry."Isaidimmediately,hopingtoerasethatpanickedexpressionsonherface."Ididn'tmeantostartleyou."

Sheletoutasighofrelief,beforesheflushedred.

"It'sfine."Shemurmured,lookingdown.Herembarrassmentwastoocutetogounnoticed.Ismiledandfoughtmyinstinctsthatmademyhandwanttogooutandbrushhercheek.

"Youhaveabeautifulvoice."Itoldher.Sheflushedredagain,andshemovedtotakethestrapoftheguitaroff.

"Don'tstop."Imurmured,wantingdesperatelytohearmore.

"Iwasjustmessingaround."Shemuttered,beforelookingupandsmilingatme.Iimmediatelysmiledback."Besides,you'retheonewho'ssupposedtobesittingandplaying.Gettowork."Sheteased,handingmetheguitar.

"Theothersarealittlebusyrightnow."Ipointedout,turningtolookthroughtheglasswhereIcouldseeEmmettflappinghisarmsaroundforsomeunexplainablereason.

Bellalaughed,andthetinklingmelodyhitmehard.

"Hmm"Imused,beforesettingmyhandsontheguitarandplayingrandomchords,tryingtofindthemelody.Thiswouldbeeasierwithapiano.

"Whatareyoudoing?"Sheasked,sittingbackdown.TherewasnowayIwasgoingtotellherwhatIwasreallydoing,soIjustsmiledather.

"Justmessingaround"Isaid,mimickingherwordsfromearlier.Shesmiledand

leanedbackinherchair.

ItwasthenthatInoticedhowtenseshewas.Herbodywasrigidandtaughtandherhandswerepressedtightlyagainstherstomach.Herposturewasrigidlystraightandherbreathswerequickandshallow.

Thiswasoneofthethingsthatfascinatedmeabouther.Ileanedforward,judgingherreaction.Herlegspressedtightertogether,andsheautomaticallyleanedback,hereyeswideningforasecond.Ifeltlikeatotaljerk,becauseIobviouslyjustmadeherfeelveryuncomfortable.

Eithershejustdidn'tlikebeinginaroomalonewithmeorcontactofanykindmadehernervous.Itcouldbeeither.Ileanedbackandgaveherspace,butshestilldidn'trelax.

Ilookedawayandbeganstrummingthefirstsongthatcametomind.IfocusedonthewordsasIbegansoftlysinging,rememberingthefeelingsthatwentthroughmewhenIwroteit.TheagonyandguiltthatIputintoamoreup-beattunesothatitwouldn'tmakemewanttoscream.

Irememberedthepressureoffirstmakingthebigtime,andtheneedtoreconnectwiththeinnocentchildIusedtobe.ThenIwroteaboutthehopethatpeopleIcareaboutgaveme.EverythingIhadinme,Iwroteandsunginthehappiest,hopefultoneIcould,wishingsomeonecouldhearthepleaforhelp.NooneunderstandstheguiltIhold,ortheregretthatpullsmedown.Ijustneededonepersontounderstand,andmaybeI'dstopfeelingliketheworldwascrashingdownonme.

Iwaspulledoutofmythoughtswhensomethingmovedinfrontofme.InoticedBella,andsawthatshewassuddenlyrelaxed.Before,shehadbeensotense,lookingalmostreadytorunfromtheroom,andnowsherelaxedintohersittingpositionwithhereyesclosedandasmallsmileonherlips.

"That'soneofmyfavorites."Shemurmured,whenshenoticedthatIstoppedsinging.

SheopenedhereyesandIbaskedintheemotioninhereyes.Theanxiety,fear,hope,andmostimportantlyunderstanding.

Shestaredstraightintomyeyesasifshecouldseeeveryscarmysoulheld.

"Whydidyoudothat?"Sheaskedsuddenly.Ilookedather,confused,andnoticedherintensecuriousstare.

"Dowhat?"Iasked.

"Crashinalltheemotionslikethat.Thelyricsareguiltyandsadbutit'ssuchaflashymelody.Andthenthechorusgetsallhopeful.Whydidyoudoitlikethat?"Sheasked.

Igapedather,suddenlyfeelingveryexposed.Shenoticedit.Shesawthestorybehindit.Shesawme.

"Becausethat'slife."Itoldher,stillfeelingbewildered."It'salwaysgoingtobedifferentemotionsthrownatyou,mostofthembad,butthebestwaytohandleit,istolookonthebrightsideandbehappywithwhatyouhave.Justtounderstandthatthegoodthingaboutlifeisthatitgoeson."

Shesmiledandhereyesseemedtoshinemore.

"Iknewtherewasareasonwhyyouguysweremyfavorite."Shemurmuredtoherself."Thesongsaysitall."Shefinished,standingup,smiling,andwalkingbackouttotheotherroom.

Iwasleftbreathless.Thesongcouldhavebeentakensomanydifferentways,couldbeinterpretedtowhateverwaythelistenerwanted,butshesaweverything.SheheardthatcryforhelpthatIwasdesperatelywhispering.

Howdidshedothat?Itwasprobablytheflashiestandpeppiestsongthatwehad,butshestillknew.

Fascinating.Utterly,andcompletelyfascinating.

"HeyEddie"Emmett'svoicesuddenlyechoedaroundme."Quitstaringoffintospaceandgetoverhere."

Istoodandwentbackintothecontrolroomwhereeveryonewaswaiting.

"What'supwithyou?"Jasperasked,noticingmyincredulousstare.

"Nothing"Imuttered.IturnedtolookatBella,whowasstaringbackatmecuriously.

"Nothingatall"Imutteredagain.


"Seriously?"Alicesaid,tryingtoreigninherlaughteratEmmett.

"Seriously"Jasperconfirmed,laughingwithherastheydiscussedtheoddthingsthatEmmetthaddoneinlife.Thebiggoofballjustsatnexttothem,baskingintheattention.

AngelaandBenweretalkingquietlyinfrontofthemusicconsole,theirhandsintertwinedandtheirfacesclose.

ThenBellasatrightinfrontofme.Weweresittingonthefloorinfrontofthedoortothestudioandjustcontinuedtalking.Wehadrecordedacouplesongsandgonethroughdifferentacousticsandeverythingandnow,wewerejusthangingoutandtalking.

IhadtofindoutmoreaboutBella,soIaskedhertositwithmeandwejustbegantalking.Atfirst,shewasrigidagain,butafterIaskedhersomethingtodowithmusic,sherelaxedandherguardedeyesopenedupagain.

"Exactly"Sheexclaimedexcitedly,throwingherhandsinfrontofhertoemphasizeherhappiness.

Ilaughedalongwithheraswecontinuedtalkingaboutdifferenterasandgenresofmusicandwhichtimeofmusicwewouldhavelovedtolivein.Wehadalsotouchedonmorepersonalsubjectssuchasschoolandfamily.Well,wetouchedonherschoolandfamily.Icouldn'tgivemuchinformationaboutme.

ShewastwentyandIwastwentyone,sowewerebothcollegeage,exceptsheactuallystudiedandbecauseourbandwassignedacouplemonthsafterhighschool,Ididn'tgointocollege.Wediscussedthehorrorsofhighschoolforabit,andthenshetoldmeaboutherdadandmom.IcouldonlytellheraboutmyauntEsmeanduncleCarlisle.

Iwasn'twillingtoapproachthetopicofmyactualparents.Justlikeshewasn'twillingtoapproachthetopicofwhathadhappenedinherlifetomakeherhideallthetime.

Wewereabletotalkandagreeonmostthings,andteaseeachother,exceptweknewtheboundariesofwhattheotherwasnotgoingtotalkabout.Itfeltnice.Toopenup.Itwasn'tcompletelyopen,butitmanagedtomakemeforgetaboutthoseproblemsandallIthoughtaboutwasthebeautiful,funny,andunderstandingwomaninfrontofme.


Bella'sPOV:

"Seeyoutomorrow."ItoldEdward,asIhoppedintomytruck.

"Youbetterbethere."Hewarned,teasingly.Ismiledandhesmiledback.Hewavedandtheguysallgotintothecarwithhim.

Ipulledoutoftheparkinglotandmademywaybacktocampus.Iwasontopoftheworldrightnow.Never,sincethetimebeforeIwassix,haveIeverfeltlikethat.Thatfeelingofnotlookingoveryourshoulderorthinkingeveryonewasouttogetyou.Nothavingtobeparanoid,andnotbeingtensedandreadytoruneverysecondoftheday.

EdwardmademefeeltherelaxedwayIfelteverynightwhenIlistenedtohisvelvetvoicelullmetosleep.Ifeltsonormal.

WhenIgothome,andsaidgoodnighttoAlice,IwentstraighttobedandplayedthesongthatEdwardhadsungquietlyinfrontofme.

IalwaysthoughtIwaswronginmyinterpretationofthesong.IthoughtIwasjusttoomuchofamelancholypersonandwaslookingtoofarintoit.Alicejustthoughtitwasanupbeatsongwithameaningtoliveyourlife,despitethebadthings.Iagreedwithheronthat,butIlookedfartherintoit.

ItsoundedasifEdwardwastryingtodescribehislife.Tryingtodescribewhateverproblemshehadinhispastbutbeoptimisticandhopefulaswell.

Whenhetoldmewhatthesongwasabout,Ismiled,realizingIwasrightinmyassumptions.IwasgladthatIwasabletolookfartherintoitthanthebeat.

IbegantofallasleepjustasEdward'svoicegottothechorus.

StayAwake

Getagripandgetout,

You'resafe

Fromtheweightoftheworld,

Justtake

Asecondtosetthingsstraight

I'llbefine

EventhoughI'mnotalwaysright

Icancountonthesuntoshine

Dedicationtakesalifetime

Butdreamsonlylastforanight


SongisStayAwake(acousticversion)by:AllTimeLow.Thischaptermighthavebeenalittleconfusing,butthat'skindofthepoint.Edwardalsohassomethinginhispastthattroubleshim,andmusicisalsohisescape.

Iwastryingtoemphasizetheimportanceofdifferentinterpretationsofasong,causeifyoulistentothesong,itreallyisprettyflashyandpeppy.Thelyricscanbetakenwhateverwayyouwantthough,dependingonhowyoufeel.It'slikeoneofthoseuniversalsongs,soitfitwellforEdward.Iunderstandifyoucan'tseetheresemblance,sosorryifit'smegaconfusingforyou.

SwingLifeAway

Disclaimer:Itbreaksmyheart,butIdonotownanythingTwilightrelated.

Bella'sPOV:

Youknow,forsuchanexcitingsubject,thisclasssureisboring.ImusedasIstruggledtokeepmyeyesopen.Thebaldingprofessorattheheadoftheclassroomkeptdroningonandon,takingnonoticeofthedroopingheadsofhisstudents.

IglancedatmywatchandsighedinreliefwhenIsawthattherewereonlyacoupleofmoreminutesuntiltheclasswasover.Afterthis,IwasheadingstraighttothestudiowithAlice.

ThinkingaboutgoingwithAlice,causedmymindtostartdriftingtoyesterday.IthoughtitwasabsolutelyhilariousthatAliceandJasperhadbeentalkingwitheachother.IcaughthertextingduringthedayandwhenIfinallymanagedtoprythephoneoutofherhands,sheadmittedtogivingJasperherphonenumberandthattheyhadbeentalkingallday.

SinceAlicehadnonightclasses,andAngelaandBenhadnoproblemwithit,Aliceaccompaniedmetothestudioandwascomingagaintoday.Ididn'twanttoberudeandaskAliceabouttheirrelationship,ifitwasjustfriendlyorsomethingelse,butIwasdyingtoknow.

I'llaskherassoonasthisclassisover.Iconcluded.

Whentheprofessorfinallyendedtheclass,Ishovedmybooksintomybagandranfortheexit,justlikeeveryoneelse.AssoonasIwasoutofthebuilding,theflashyyellowpaintofAlice'sPorschecaughtmyeye.Thelittlepixiesatonthehoodwithhersketchpadinhand,probablydrawinganotherdesign.

"HeyAlice"IgreetedasIsteppedinfrontofher.

"Hey"Shegreetedback,smiling,andputtinguphersketchbook.Weslidintothecarandstartedoffinthedirectionofthestudio.Alicewashummingtoherself,andtherewasabrilliantsmileonherface.HerexcitementandhappinessmademesuspiciousonceagainofherfeelingsforJasper,soItookadeepbreathandopenedmymouthtoaskher.

"I'msoexcitedtoseeJasper."ShesuddenlyblurtedoutbeforeIcouldaskthequestion.Ididn'tneedtoaskanything,becauseshecontinuedtotalk.

"IknowI'vejustbarelymethim,butthere'ssomethingabouthim.He'ssosweet,andcharismatic.WheneverItalktohim,IgettheselittlebutterfliesinmystomachandIfeellikeI'mstandingontopoftheworld!"Sheexclaimed.Shebouncedalittleinherseatandleanedforwardtohugthesteeringwheelclosertoher.

"Soyoulikehim?Likehim,likehim?"Ienunciated,makingsuretomakemypointwasclear.

"Yes."Shesighedsoftly."Bella,I'veneverfeltlikethis."

Ismiledsadly,andhadaninternalfight.IfItoldAlicetobecareful,shewouldprobablygetmadatme,butifIsaidnothing,shemightendupheartbroken.Whethershewouldgetmadatmeornot,Ineededtowarnher.

"Becareful,Alice."Istarted,glancingathertomakesureshewouldn'tblowup."Heisfamousinaway,andyouneverknowwhatwillhappen.Whathappensifhedoesn'treciprocateyourfeeling?Orifyoudogettogether,andyoucan'thandleyourlifebeingthrustinthepublic?"

Iglancedatheragainandnoticedthethoughtfullookonherface.Atleastshewasn'tmad.

"Iknowit'sstrangebutIhavethisfeelinglikeitsfate.It'sallgoingtoworkout,Iknowit."ShebrieflyglancedatmeandInoticedthewayhereyesshined.

"Whatifitdoesn't?"Icontradicted.Ididn'twanttostifleanyofherdreamsbutIjustneededtogetitintohermindthatlifeisn'tperfect.

"Itwill."Shesaidwithanothersmile.

"Butwhatifitdoesn't?"Ipressedagain.Shesighedandthenlookedatme,rollinghereyes.

"Haven'tyoulearnednottobetagainstme?"Shemumbledsoundingalittleagitated.

"Ifitdoesn'tworkout,thenIwilljustgolesbianandconvinceyoutobemylover.I'msureyouwouldbegreatinbed."Shesaidwithawinkinmydirection.Ilaughedandlettheseriousconversationdrop.

Aliceknowshowtotakecareofherself.IfJasperhurther,she'dkickhimwherethesundon'tshineandmakesurethatboywasneverabletohavekids.

Wepulledintotheparkingspot,andwemadeourwayinsidewherethebandwas

alreadysitting.

"HeyBella!Ijustgotacallthatmycousinisinlaborrightnow,doyoumindifBenandIleave?"Angelaasked,hereyesdartingaroundfrantically.

"SureAngela,go!Makesuretheynamethebabyaftermethough."Itoldher,shelaughedbrieflybeforedraggingBenoutthedoor,andIcouldhearherburnrubberoutside.Dang,shewasinahurry.

"Youshowed."Edward'svoicesuddenlysaidfrombehindme.

Iturnedtoseeasmirkonhisfaceandhishandrunningthroughhishair.Hewasreferringtoyesterdaywhenhemademepromisetocomebackcauseafterspendingthewholenighttalkingtohim,hewassurethathis"weirdness"wouldscaremeaway.

"ToldyouIwould"ItoldhimwithasmileasImovedtoputmybagnexttothecouch.

Eventhoughhehadbeenabletomakemefeelcomfortableyesterday,theparanoiaandanxietywasslowlyspreadingthroughmychestagain.EspeciallysinceEdwardwasonlysixinchesawayfromme.ThatcoldvoidwassettlingonmychestandmymuscleswererigidwiththeadrenalinethatwouldfuelmyneedtorunifIneededto.

It'snotlikeIwashavingsomeweirdemotionalbreakdownorsomething.Mybrainandmybodyknewthatnoteveryonewasouttogetme,butmybrainwantedtotakeprecautions.Iaccepteditwillingly,andtooktheprecautionsofbeingwaryandreadytorunlikehellifsomethingwentwrong.

Onlymymom,dad,andAlicewereabletorelaxmejustenoughtomakemelosethatwarinessandparanoia.Thereweremomentsthough,liketheencounterwithmydadontheweekend,whentheywouldaccidentallystartlemeandamemoryofthepastwouldflashinmymind,scaringme,whichwouldtakeforevertocalmmedown.I'msurprisedIwasabletorelaxyesterdaywithEdward.Ithinkitwasjustbecauseweweretalkingaboutmusic,andthatwasasubjectthatalwayscalmedme.

"Sohaveanycoolnewsongstorecordtoday?"IaskedasIturnedaroundtofacethebandandAlice,whowassittingnexttoJasper.

"Wehaveonesongthatwefinallyfinishedwriting,andEdwardwantedtorunsomethingbyusthathewroteyesterday."Emmettansweredfromhisspotonthecouch.

"Okay,thenlet'sgetstarted."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Whatifwemakethefirstscreamfadeintothebackgroundalittlemore,andthentheacousticsrightaftercanjustbuildoffofit."Ioffered.

IturnedtoEdwardonmyrightwhowaslookingconfused,andEmmettandJasperonmyleftwerelookingalittlefrustrated.

"Whatdoyoumean?"Emmettfinallyasked.HelookedalittlesheepishtoaskandEdwardandJasperwerebothlookingawayinembarrassment,becauseIcouldtellthattheyalsodidn'tknowwhatImeant.Itwasn'tabadthing,theywereonlysupposedtomakethemusic,andI'mtheonewho'ssupposedtoknowthisstuff.

"Here,likethis."IsaidasIbegantherecordedsongandthenbeganchangingtheacousticslikeIwassaying,lettingthemhearwhatIwassayingearlier.

"Oh!"Allthreeofthemexclaimedastheyheardthesongwiththedifferentsoundatthebeginning.

"That'ssoundssocool!"Emmettsaid,jumpingup.EdwardandJaspervoicedtheiragreements.

"Canwedothesamethingattheend,then?"Edwardasked.

"Exceptbackwards"Jasperaddedin.

"Sothatitfinishesinabigbang"Emmettaddedafter.

Ismiledattheirenthusiasmastheyfinallygotintotheengineeringpart.

"Noproblem."Istatedaswecontinuedcleaningupthesound.

Alicewasonthecouchbehindusfinishingasketchofhers.Shetoldme,whentheguyswererecording,whatthedesignwas.Itwasapairofjeansthatjustscreamed"Asphyxiated".Justliketheband,itwasn'tcommittedtoasinglestyle,buthaddifferentones.Theyweren'tstraight,skinny,orbaggy,butthedesignwasjustsocool.Alicereallydidhavetalent.

"Thatsongyouwereworkingon,"IbeganaskingEdward."Areyougoingtoleaveitacoustic?"

"Mostlikely"Hesaid,turningawayfromthemusicconsoletolookatme.HisfacewasonlyinchesawayandIwassurprisedthatIdidn'tfeeladrenalineshootingthroughme.InsteadIfeltacurrentoftinglingelectricity.

"We'retryingtokeepanevenbalancebetweenhardcoreandacoustic."Jasperaddedin,whichcausedmetoturnawayfromEdwardandlookattheconsoleagain.

Afteranotherhourandahalf,wefinallyfinishedanditwasteno'clock.It'sagoodthingitwasFriday,whichmeantnoclassestomorrow.IwaslockingupthestudiowhenEdward'svoicecamefrombehindme.

"TheguysandIweregoingtogogetsomethingtoeat.DoyouandAlicewanttojoinus?"Iturnedandsawahopefullookonhisface.HowcouldIsaynotothat?Besides,Alicewasbehindhimnoddingherheadfuriouslytoconvincemetosayyes.

"Sure."Isaidwithasmile.AlicepumpedherarmsupinexcitementandEdwardsmiledinrelief.AliceandIquicklyputourbagsintohercarbeforeclimbingintoEdward'sVolvo.

"Whereto?"Iasked,snugglinginbesidethecardoorandAlice.Jasperwasnexttoher,whileEmmetthadshotgunandEdwarddrove.

"Whatevermeetsyourfancy"Edwardsaid.

"I'mkindofinthemoodforpizza."Alicepipedup,bouncingalittlewithexcitement.

"Pizzaitisthen."Jaspersaid,andthentoldEdwardacertainplacetogo.

RidingwiththebandhadtobeoneofthefunniestexperiencesIhaveeverhad.IwasalittleonedgebutEmmetthaduslaughingsomuchthatIcompletelyrelaxedafterawhile.

"Hereweare."Edwardsaid,pullingintoanarcadeandpizzaplace.IletoutalittlegiggleandEdwardsmiledslylyatmethroughthereviewmirror.

"Awesome!"Emmettbellowedbeforejumpingoutofthecarandsprintingtotheentrance.Wealllaughedheartilyaswemadeourwaytothebuilding.It'sagoodthingthatweweretheonlyonesaround,besidesthepeopleworking,becausewedidn'twantsomeonetorecognizetheguys.

It'snotliketheyweremoviestarfamous,theywerejustlikeotherbandsthatwerenoticedonlytothosewhoknewthem,butcouldseemlikearegularpersontosomeonewhodidn'tlistentotheirmusic.ThebandofAsphyxiatedwasalittlemorewideknowntothefemalepopulationthough,becauseoftheguy'sgoodlooks.

Whenwegotinside,Emmettwasalreadywavingmadlyatusfromatableattheback.AwaitresswasjustwalkingawaysoIfiguredoutthatEmmetthadalreadyorderedforus.

"Igotameatlovers,pepperoni,andcheese.Nowlet'sgetthisshowontheroad!"Heexclaimed,jumpingupassoonaswereachedthetable.Herantothefirstgamehesawandstarteddispensingquarters,readytoplay.AliceandJasperlaughedandwenttogoplaysomeairhockey.

"Doyoumindifwejustsit?"Edwardaskedme.

"Ofcourse"Ireplied,sittingdowninthebooth.Heslidinfrontofme.Iwasexpectingatleastalittlebitoftensionfrommyself,buttherewasnothing.Notasingleounceoffearinmeatall.Theedgesofhislipspulledupslightlyandhewatchedmeintensely.

"What?"Iasked,feelingalittleselfconscious.Hesatupstraightfromhisleaningpositionandsmiledcrookedly.

"Doyourealizehowfascinatingofapersonyouare?"Hesuddenlyasked,lookingatmewithshiningeyes.

"Whatdoyoumean?"Iasked.TherewasnowaythatplainBellaSwancouldfascinatehim.He'sarockstar,he'sboundtohaveseentonsoffascinatingpeople,andIsuredidn'tcountasone.

"Imeanthatyou'reutterlyfascinating."Hesaidagain.Heleanedforwardandwatchedmeintensely.Iwasstartingtowishthatmymindwouldgivemealittleshotofadrenalinerightnow,becauseforsomereason,hisclosenesswasmakingmyheartpound.

"Ithinkyouhavethewrongperson.Besidesbeingobsessedwithmusic,there'snothingthatinterestingaboutme."Itoldhim,turningawayfromhisstare.IwatchedwithasmallsmileasmysightsetonAliceandJasperwhowerelaughingastheyplayedairhockey.Emmettwasplayingagamewithgunsandhehadthefakegunclaspedinhishandstightlywithalookofamusingconcentrationonhisface.

"Oh,howwrongyouare."Edwardmurmuredinfrontofme.Iturnedbacktohimandwascaughtoffguardathisstare.Hisgreeneyeswereintense,hisbrowfurrowed,hislipsabitpursed.Ifeltablushcreepupmyneckattheintensity.Edwardcaughtthatandhechuckled,relaxingfromhisstareandsittingstraightagain.

"You'llseeoneday,Bella.I'llshowyouhowamazingyouareoneday."Hetoldme

withanothersmile.Irolledmyeyesathimbutsmiledback.

"So,Iknoweverythingthatafancanmanagetoknowaboutyouguys,sohowaboutyougivemesomethingthatyou'venevertoldatabloid."Iasked,foldingmyhandsinfrontofmeandleaningforwardoverthetable.Hechuckledbeforelookingdeepinthough.

"Hmmm,Iwearboxersnotbriefs."Hetoldmewithaseriouslookonhisface.Itriedtokeepmyfaceasseriousashisbutbothusendedupcrackinguplaughing.

"No,seriously"Iridiculed.Hesmiledandlookeddownathisfoldedhandsonthetable.

"Hmmm."Hemusedtohimself.Hisfacelitupasheliftedafingerintheair,signalinghehadthoughtofsomething."IusedtowetthebeduntilIwasten."

Iwaswaitingforhimtocrackupagain,buthisfacewastotallyserious,andabitembarrassed.

"Really?"Iasked,surprised.Hisneckflushedashelookeddownandmeeklynoddedhishead.Ibittheinsideofmycheektotryandrestrainmyselffromdoinganythingmean,buthelookedupandIcouldn'thelpalittlegiggleandasmallsmile.

"Whatever."Hemuttered,embarrassed,lookingdown.IfeltbadthatIcouldn'trestrainmyself,butIalsosmiledathisembarrassment.

"IoncetookouthalfofmyhighschoolwhenItrippedonthefootballstadiumbleachers."Itoldhimblushingalittle.Helookedupandcrackedasmile,whichwasthereactionIwashopingfor.

Inreactiontohissmile,Igrinnedalittleandmadeeyecontactwithhim.AssoonasIdid,Ifeltelectricityagain.IwasunawarethatJasperwaschasingAlicearoundthearcadeforsomereason,andIwasn'tawareofEmmettyellinginvictory.AllIcouldseewasmymusicidolrightinfrontofme.Hispiercinggreeneyeswerestaringbackatmeanditwaslikesomeonesuddenlyopenedafloodgateofemotions.Hiseyesweresad.Behindallthatpassionandhappiness,therewasadeepagonyinhim.Hisgreeneyeswithgoldflecksweretired.

"Youknowyounevertoldme,"Ibegan."Whatgotyouintomusic?"

Assoonasthequestionleftmylips,thatguardofhappinessreturnedtohiseyes,andhiseyeswidenedabit,andhesomehowmadethemshinejustlikerockstar'seyesshould.

"Justhighschooldrama."Hemumbled.Ihadtobeanidiottorealizethatthatwasn'tthetruth,butIwashidingthingsaswell,andthiswasn'tgoingtobeacaseof'ifhetells,I'lltell.'TherewereobviouslythingsinhispastthathauntedhimjustasmuchasIwas.Iwasn'tabouttopushhimtoreleaseallofthatagony.

Ismiledandbrushedhishandreassuringlyrealquick.Itfeltgoodtotouchhim.Iwasn'thavinganytensemomentsandthewayIfeltaroundhimwasjustascomfortableasthewayIfeltaroundAlice,Charlie,andRenee.Iwasexpectingmytouchtohimtomaybetensemeupalittle,butinstead,Irelaxed.Edwardlookeddownatthetouchandsmiledabit.HiseyeslookedupthroughhiseyelashesandhelookedlikeashiningGreekgod.

"Alargemeatlovers,pepperoni,andcheese."Thewaitresssaidasshearrivedatourtable,jugglingthreepizzapans.HervoiceaffectivelybrokeupthestaringcompetitionbetweenEdwardandIandItookthattimetorestartmyheart.Dang,thisrockstarsureknowshowtodazzleagirlbreathless.

SheleftwithafriendlysmileandalingeringstaretowardsEdward.Icouldn'thelpbutsmirk.AssoonasEmmett,Jasper,andAlicesawthatthefoodwashere,theycamerunning.Therestofthenightwasfilledwithlaughter,games,andeasygoingconversation.

"Wehadagreattimetonight,guys!Seeyoutomorrowatfour!"AliceyelledwhileIwavedenthusiastically.TheguyswavedandcalledbackwhileAliceandIslidintohercar.

"ThatwasthemostfunI'vehadsinceweprankedMikeNewtonoutofthebathroomwithhispantsaroundhisanklesonpromnight!"Aliceexclaimedaswezoomeddowntheroad.Ienthusiasticallyagreedandweturnedupthemusicandsangloudlyandcrazily.We'vehadtoomuchfunalreadyandweweren'twillingtoletitend.

Assoonaswegottoourdorm,thefunandexhilarationfinallygottomeandwasreplacedbyadrearycloudofweariness.IwasasleepassoonasEdward'svoicecameoutofmyspeakers.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Edward'sPOV:

"Well,thathasgottobethemostfunIhavehadinawhile."Emmettexclaimed."ItwouldhavebeenbetterifRosewasthere,butno,shehadtogodoaphotoshoot.Man,Ineverwhatitfeltliketobeafifthwheeluntiltoday."Hrfinishedwithapout.

IrolledmyeyesandJasperspokeuptocontradicthim.

"Emmett,foryoutobeafifthwheel,itwouldrequireEdwardandItoactuallybeinrelationshipswithBella,andAlice."

Emmettsmiledslylyandwaggledhiseyebrows.

"Please,y'allweredroolingoverthemallnightlong.Youguyswerepracticallyinyourownlittleworld,thattshouldhavebeenadate."

"Whatever."JasperandIsaidatthesametime,scowlingathim.

"Wellsomeone'scranky.Don'tsnapatmeforjuststatingtheobvious."Heshotbackatus.

Whenwegothome,Iimmediatelywentintothemusicroomwhiletheybothwenttobed.TherewasasongstartingtowriteitselfinmyheadandIneededtogetitoutandonpaper.AssoonasBellahadsensedthatIdidnotwanttotalkaboutwhatgotmeintomusic,IrealizedwewerealittlemoresimilarthanIhadguessed.Webothhadscarsfromourpasts,andwejustwantedtorunawayfromthem.

Ibeganstrummingandsingingthewordsthathadfabricatedinmyheadwhilewewereeatingandbegantobuildasongoffofthat.

I'llshowyoumine,

Ifyoushowmeyoursfirst,

Let'scomparescars,

I'lltellyouwho'sisworse

Let'sunwritethesepagesand,

Replacethemwithourownwords

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

SongforthischapterisSwingLifeAwayby:RiseAgainst.It'salittledifferentbutthelyricsfitwell.

Thankstoeveryonewhoisreadingandreviewing,andrememberthatyoucansendinnamesofyourfavoritebandsatanytime.Quickquestion!DoyouguyswantRosalietobenice?Shehasaspecificparttodolateroninthe

story,butwhethershe'sniceandfriendly,orcoldandbitchyisuptoyou.

TongueTied

Disclaimer:IdonotownanyoftheTwilightcharacters,butIdoownthefictionalbandofAsphyxiated.That'sgoodenoughforme!InyourfaceStephanieMeyer!


Edward'sPOV:

"Can'tweatleastaddinaguitarsoloorsomescreaming?"Emmettwhinedaswewentovertherewriteofthesongwewereworkingon.

"Ithoughtyousaidthatyouwantedthisonetobemoremainstream."Iarguedback.Jasperjustsatquietly,occasionallyrollinghiseyes.

"Youguysstillarehavingtroubleinthere?"Bellaasked,hervoiceechoingaroundus.Isatupabitandspokeintothemicrophonesoshecouldhearusfromthecontrolroom.

"Yeah.Oneofushappenstohaveashortattentionspanandcan'tmakeuphismind."Isaid,throwingEmmettanaccusingglare.BellagiggledandIcouldhearAngela,Ben,andAlice'slaughterbehindher.

"Wouldsomepizzasettlethedrummerboy'smind?"Sheasked.

"Hellyes!"Emmettyelled,causingmetocringesincehewasrightnexttome.Bellalaughedagainandaskeduswewantedbeforecallingfordelivery.

Twentyfiveminuteslater,therewasaknockatthedoor.Wehadsincetakenabreakfromwritingandmovedintothecontrolroomtowaitforthefood.Bellagotuptoanswerthedoor,butIdidn'twanthertopay,soIfollowed.

Sheopenedthedoortofindshortbrunettecarryingthethreepizzaboxes.Shelookedtobeaboutseventeen,andsheobviouslyhatedherjobsincesheseemedtohaveapermanentfrownetchedonherlips.

"Onemeatlovers,onecheese,andonewithalltheworks?"SheaskedBella,towhichsherespondedwithasmileandanod.

"Seventeendollarsandfifty-threecents."Thedeliverygirltoldher.BellareachedintoherpocketbutthisiswhenIsteppedaroundherandstilledherhand.

"Letmegetthis."Itoldher.IbrushedoffherprotestsasIhandedthegirlthemoney.Inoticedthatthegirlwentpalewhitethough.

"You'reEdwardMason."Shewhisperedinshock.Ismiledandnodded.Hereyeslitupandshebalancedthepizzasonherkneeasshestartedtodigintoherpockets.IquicklytookthepizzasandgavethemtoBellabeforethegirlcoulddropthem.Thegirlsuddenlyfoundapenandpaperandsheblushedasshelookedatme.

"CouldIpleasehaveyourautograph?"Sheasked,alittlesheepishly.Ismiled,happythatshewasafan.

"Sure.Infact,theentirebandishere,Icouldgettheresignaturesaswellifyouwant?"Ioffered;thegirllookedlikeshehaddiedandgonetoheaven,whichmademesmileevenmore.Shenoddedherheadenthusiastically,whichcausedBellatogigglealittlebit.Sheputherarmonthegirl'sback,leadingherinside.

"Comeoninwhilehedoesbusiness."Shejoked.Thegirllaughedandsmiledwidely.

"I'mKate,bytheway."Thegirlintroducedherself.IsmiledagainasIcalledouttotheguysassoonaswewereinthecontrolroom.

"YoumindgivingKateanautograph?"

Theybothagreedheartilyandjumpedup.AfterKateleftbacktowork(jumpinginjoyforthepictureandsignedpaper),weateandthenwentbacktowritingthesong.Emmettwasmuchmoreagreeablenowthathehadfoodinhissystem.

"Yes!"Iexclaimedaswefinallyfinishedthesong.IlookedupinexcitementtolookatBellainthecontrolroombutfrownedwhenIsawherandAlicegettingreadytoleave.

"Whereareyoutwogoing?"Iaskedinthemicrophone.Sheturnedandputherbagaroundhershoulderbeforeleaningdowntoanswer.

"AngelaandBenhavetotakecareofya'llfortherestoftheday.AliceandIaregoinghometovisitourfamiliesandwe'llbebackonMonday."Shesaid,theaddedechoinhervoicemakingmefrownevenmoreasitseemedtoalmostmockmethatIwassadshewasleaving.

"Oh."Isaidlamely.Iheardhergigglewhichmademelookbackup.Shehadalittlesmileonherlips.

"YoulooklikeIjustranoveryourpuppy."Shejoked.IsmiledalittleatherbutfrownedwhenIheardEmmettandJasperlaughinghystericallybehindme.

IturnedtoglareatJasper."Youknow,Aliceisleavingtoo."Thatcausedhimtostoplaughing.HeturnedtotheglassandpoutedatagigglingAlice.

"Youguyswilldofinewithoutmyassistanceforadayandahalf."Shereassuredandjokedatthesametime.ShesmiledteasinglyatAlicebeforesaying,"andit'snotlikeAlicehelpsaroundhereanyway.She'sjustheretoprettyuptheplace."

AlicegiggledandsmackedBella'sarmjokingly.SheleanedinfrontofBellatosaysomethingintheintercom.

"We'llseeyouonMondayboys.Trytoagreewiththemonceinawhile,Emmett."Shesaid,beforestandingstraightandbeginningtowalkawaywithBella.

"Wait!"JasperandIyelledatthesametime,jumpingupandsprintingtowardthedoortothecontrolroom.JasperimmediatelystartedwhisperingwithAlice,whileIstoodlamelyinfrontofBella,tryingtothinkofsomethingtosay.

"Uhm,bye"Iwhisperedlamely,mymindcomingupblankforsomethingtosay.ShesmiledatmeandmyheartseemedtothrobasIgazedatherbeauty.Thosedeepguardedeyeswereopentomerightnow,andIfeltlikeIcouldseehersoul.IwonderifsherealizedhowmuchIlikedher.Likeher,intheromanticway.

TherewassomethingaboutBellathatmademyheartpoundwheneverIwasnearher.Ihadneverfeltlikethisbefore.ImeanitwhenIsaynever.IhadafewchildhoodcrushesthatendedquicklybutI'veneveractuallylikedsomeone.Heck,I'veneverhadagirlfriend,andI'veneverbeenkissed.I'veneverlookedforaffectionorloveandaftertheincidentwithmyparents;itneverevencrossedmymind.

Ialwaysknewthough,thatifIeverconsideredalovelife,thegirlwouldhavetoknowmelikeshe'sknownmeforever.Iwouldneedsomeonewhocouldunderstandeveryaspectofmymind.AndBelladid.Mymusicwasmymind,andsheunderstooditperfectly.

"Good-ByeEdward."Hervoicesaid,bringingbacktomypresentstateofmind.Shesmiledandbumpedmyshoulderplayfullybeforeturningtoleave.Iwantedtoopenmymouthtosaysomething,somethingthatwouldpleaseherandmaybecausehertolookatmeinaromanticwayaswell,butIcouldthinkofnothing.Rightnow,I'mreallyregrettingmylackofpracticewiththefemalegender.

"CanIhaveyournumber?"Isuddenlyblurtedout.MyeyeswidenedasIslappedmy

handacrossmymouth.Ifeltmyfaceburnwithembarrassment.

Shefrozeinmid-stepandIbracedmyselfforhertoturnaroundandtellmeofforsomething.IrealizethatmymindwasoverreactingbutIwasgenerallyveryafraidrightnow.Afraidofherrejection.

Insteadofsnappinganinsultorsomethingmyway,BelladidthegeneralBellathing,andsmiledatmeassheturnedaround.Ishouldhaveknown.She'swaytoonicetodoanythinglikewhatmymindwasimagining.Man,sometimesItrulydowonderifthereissomethingmentallywrongwithme.MaybeIwasdroppedonmyheadwhenIwasababy.Whoknows?

"Uhm,soyoucanexplainthingsclearerforusifwehaveanyquestions.Cause,youknow,Idon'tthinkAngelaorBenwillbeabletodumbthingsdownenoughforustounderstand."Iquicklytoldher,coveringmytracks.Ireallywastooscaredofherrejection.

IbeingamusicianshouldgivemesomekindofwaywiththeladiesbutIfeltreallydamncluelessrightnow.Maybethat'swhyEmmett'swife,Rosalie,wasalwaysmakingfunofme.Ireallyampatheticattimes.

"Ofcourse,Edward.IthinkEmmettreallymightneedhelpunderstandingthetechnicalvocabularyanyway."Shewhisperedtome,hervoicelacedwithteasingnotes.

Shemotionedformyhandandshetookitinhers.Ifeltthatpleasurableshockagainandsuddenly,everynerveinmybodybecamealivewire.Iwonderedifshecouldfeelittoo.Iknewshefelttheshocksinceshealwaysreactedtoit,butdidshefeelthattinglingcurrentafterit?

Sheproducedapenfromherbagandwrotehernumberontomypalm.ThefactthatIgothernumbermademesmilewidely.Insidemyhead,therewasalittlechantgoingoffinmyhead.IgotBella'snumber!IgotBella'snumber!IgotBella'snumber!

Wow,Imustreallylikeher.Ihaven'tactedthisstupidandhypersinceEmmettforcedJasperandItoodrinkallofachocolatefountainwithhimandwashitdownwithenergydrinks.

"I'llseeyouonMonday.Callmeifthere'sanyconfusion."Shesaid,beforesuddenlyleaningintomysideandherlipsbrushedovermycheek.ThefeelingwasheavenlyandIsuddenlyfeltmyheartthrob.ThebrushingtinglecontinuedevenaftersheturnedandmadeherwaytothedoorwithaskippingAlice.

"Youbetterwritesomemoresongswhilewe'regone."Sheyelledandthenthedoorclosed.IstoodfrozenintheexactspotIhadbeen.Thosetinglesonmycheekwerestillmakingmyheartthrobinapleasurablepressure.

"Couldyoubeanymoreobvious,Eddie?!Man,youlooklikesuchapatheticdoucherightnow!"Emmettyelledinmyear,effectivelysnappingmeoutofmyBellastupor.Iturnedandsmackedhimhardontheheadbeforescowling.

"Notallofushavebeenaman-whorelikeyouwereinhighschoolandhavethepleasureofknowingexactlyhowtotalktoawoman,soexcusemeforlookinglikeafreakingidiotinfrontofthemostamazingwomanI'veevermet!"Isnapped,breathinghardbytheendofit.

IwenttogositonthecouchandletmyheadfallintomyhandswhereItriedtocontrolmyfrustration.Iknewshouldn'thavelashedoutatEmmettlikethatbutthetruthinhiswordswerewhatmademefeelsoangry.Ididfeelpathetic.Iwasn'tusedtofeelingsoattachedtoaperson.Iwasn'tusedtocaring.Thewaymyheartseemedtopull,tighten,andconstrictwheneverIwasnearhermademefeelsoconfusedandstupid.Iwasusedtohavinglifeinperspective.Iwasusedtoknowingthings.IwasusedtobeingcontentwithwhatIhadinlifeandnowmylifewasbeingflippedupsidedownbecauseIdidn'tfeelcontentunlessIwaswithher.

IletoutanagonizedsighandthenIfeltthecouchdipassomeonesatnexttome.

"I'msorry,Edward."IheardEmmettsaynexttome.Ifelthisbighandrestonmyshoulder."Ishouldn'thavepatronizedyou.Itjustreallymakesmehappytoseeyouactsosmitten.Ifithelpsany,IactedlikeabiggeridiotwheneverIfirstmetRose,andlookhowgreatthatturnedout."

Forsuchasillyguy,Emmettreallyknewhowtomakeaguyfeelbetter.Hiswordsdidmakemefeelbetter.TheygavemehopethatmaybeIwasn'tseenasastutteringimbecileinBella'seyesandthatmaybesomedaywecouldbealittlemore.WhatstillaggravatedmethoughwasthefactthatIfeltsoemotionallyunstablewheneveritcametoBellaandI'veonlyknownherforaboutaweek.

SuddenlyIfeltsomeone'spresenceontheothersideofmeandthenIheardJasper'svoice.

"Inaddition,forwhatit'sworth,youatleastdon'thavetobetheonlyonewhoactssmitteninfrontofanamazinggirl.Imean,IknowI'vejustmetAlice,butIfeellikeI'veknownhermyentirelife.IguessI'vestartedbelievinginfate."Hesaidhiswordsandpresencedoingwonderstomytensionasitslowlydissipated.

IletlooseahugesighandIsuddenlyfeltlikeahugeweighthadbeenliftedoffmyshoulders.Iliftedmyheadandranmyfingersthroughmyhair.

"Thanksguys."Isaid,standingupfromthecouch."Man,Ifeellikesuchachick."

Theybothlaughedandstoodupwithme."Hey,I'msurewecangetsomekindofanawesomesongusingthosefeelingsthough,right?"Emmettsaidasheopenedthedoortothestudio.

"Yup"Isaidhappily.

"Hey,Edward"IheardAngelacall.Iturned;embarrassedbecauseIforgotshewasintheroomwithBenduringmylittlebreakdown.

"Yeah?"

"Ifithelps,Bella'salreadyinlovewithyourmusic,I'msureitshouldn'tbesohardforyoutomakeherfallforyou."Shesaid,withasmileonherfaceasshespokeofherfriend.

"Thanks,Angela.Itreallydoeshelp."

Acouplehourslaterofwritingandediting,wewererecordingthenewBella-inspiredsong.

Ineedalittlemoreluckthanalittlebit

CauseeverytimeIgetstuck,thewordswon'tfit

AndeverytimethatItry,Igettonguetied

Ineedalittlegoodlucktogetmeby

Ineedalittlemorehelpthanalittlebit

Liketheperfectonewordnoone'sheardyet

CauseeverytimethatItry,Igettonguetied

Ineedalittlegoodlucktogetmebythistime


Bella'sPOV:

"What?"Iexclaimedirritatedatthelittlepixiethatkeptsneakingmelookswhenshelookedawayfromtheroad.

"Areyougoingtotellmewhat'sgoingonbetweenyouandEdward?"Sheasked,givingmeapointedglance.

"Whatareyoutalkingabout?"Iasked,tryingtofigureoutwhatwasgoingoninhererraticlittlemind.

"Don'tgivemethatcrap.Yougavehimyournumberandkissedhischeek.Whatisgoingon?"Shesnapped,givingmeanotheroneofthoselooks.ComprehensiondonnedonmeasIfinallyrealizedwhatshewastalkingabout.

"You'resuchanidiot,Alice.NothingisgoingonbetweenEdwardandme.Hejustaskedformynumbersothathecouldcallandaskquestionswhenevertheygetconfusedaboutsomething."Iexplained.

Ididn'tmisstheslightskepticallookshegaveme,andImadesuretohidethefactthatbeforeheexplainedwhyhewantedmynumber,myheartwentintooverdriveforsomeunknownreason.

"Thenwhydidyoukisshischeek?"Sheasked.Atthatquestion,Iblushedandsearchedmymindforananswer.Icouldn'tcomeupwithanythingcraftysoItoldherthetruth.

"Idon'tknow.Atthatmoment,itjustseemedlikesomethingappropriatetodo.ItwasjustanimpulseandIactedonit."Iexplained.Thatanswerseemedtosatisfyherandwewentbackintosilenceafterthat.

WhenwefinallyarrivedinForks,shedroppedmeoffatmyhouseandthendroveoff.

"Bella!"IheardCharliecallasImademywayuptheporchsteps.Thedooropenedandhegavemeaonearmhugasheusheredmeinside.IdroppedmystuffintomyroombeforecomingbackdownwhereCharliewaswaitingonthecouchwithtwocokesinhand.

"Sowhat'snew?"Heasked,asIsatdownandopenedthecokeheofferedme.Itookalongdrinkbeforeclearingmythroattoanswer.

"Well,doyourememberwhenIsaid,ifIwasevertomarryaguy,itwouldhavetobeacertainperson?"Isaid,hidingmyamusementashestartedtakingmyannouncementthewrongway.HiseyeswidenedabitandIcanbetthathewas

probablythinkingIgoteloped.

"Yeah"Hesaid,wearilydrawlingthewordout.

"DoyourememberwhoIsaiditwouldbe?"Iaskedagain,seeinghisfaceturnalittlepurpleandIwaslaughingontheinside.

"Oneofthememberstoyourfavoriteband."Hesaid.Bynow,hisbreathseemedtobealittleuneven.

"Well,IgottomeetallthreebandmembersthisweekandIwillbeworkingwiththemfortheirnewalbum!"Iexclaimed,puttingthecokedownandthrowingmyhandsupinexcitement.

Charlie'sfacequicklyreturnedbacktoitsnormalcolorandheletoutahugesighofrelief."Thankgod."Iheardhimmutter,beforehesmiled.

"That'sgreat,Bells."Hesaid,hiseyessparkling."Aretheynice?"

"They'resomeofthefriendliestpeopleI'veevermet,andtheyaresocoolanddowntoearth.Thedrummer'sabsolutelyhilarious,theguitaristissoeasytobearound,andthesingerandIhavebecomegoodfriends."Iexclaimed,notgivingtoomuchinformationbutwantinghimtoknowhowamazingthisexperiencewastome.

"Thatsoundsprettycool."Hesaid,takingasipofhiscoke,andIwonderedbrieflywhyhewasn'tdrinkingabeerinstead.ButthenIrealizedIusuallygogroceryshoppingforCharliesohisrefrigeratorwasprobablylimited.

"IthinkI'llgotothestoreandstockup,anythingparticularyouwant?"Iasked,standinguptogetmybagwhichIhadleftonthecoffeetable.

"Apackofbeer,please"Herequested,reachingtogettheremoteandturntheTVon.

Iknewit.Ithoughtsmuglyasherequestedbeer.

IcalledAlicetoseeifshecancomepickmeupsowecangotothestore,becauseIhadleftmytruckinSeattleandI'drathernotusemydad'scruiser.Sheagreedandacoupleminuteslater,wewereontheroad.

"SowhatdidJaspersaytoyouwhenweleft?"Iasked,rememberingthatwhenEdwardwastalkingtome,Jasperwastalkingtoher.

Alicesuddenlyblushedandsheturnedtolookveryconcentratedontheroad.Iwas

instantlysuspicious.

"What?"Iasked,knowingthatthecryptictoneinmyvoicewouldcrackher.JustlikeIknewshewould,shesquirmedinherseatandglancedwearilyatme.

"Fine,justquitlookingatmelikethat!"Shecriedout,exasperated.Ismiledandsettledintomychairsmugly.

"Firstheaskedstufflikewhatweweregoingtodoandstuff.Thenhesaidhewasgoingtomissme,andthathe'dbedreamingofme,andcountingthesecondsuntilIcameback."Sheadmitted.

Istaredatherwithmymouthgapedopen,completelyandutterlyshocked.Iknewthattherewassomethinggoingonbetweenthem,buttohearthattheywerelikethatwasshocking.

"Youdon'tthinkit'stoofasttosaysomethinglikethat?"Iasked.Ialmostheldmybreathforheranswer.

"No."Shewhisperedafteramoment."HeandI...justclick.There'ssomethingthatfeelsutterlyrightaboutus."

ShegavemesidelongglanceandIcouldseehowmuchshebelievedthesewords."Surelyyoucanunderstand.Don'ttellmeyoudon'tfeelanythingforEdward?"Sheaskedhervoicesuddenlycryptictowardsme.

Assoonasshesaidthesewords,apictureofEdwardsayingtomeallthosewordsthatJasperhadsaidtoAlice,cameupinmind.Isuddenlyfeltawarmtighteningonmyheartandthenspreadallthewaytomyfingertips.

"No."Isaid,butIdoubtedmyownanswer.Iwantedthatimage.IwantedEdwardtosaythosethingswithme.ButmostimportantlyIrealizedIwantedtolikeEdward.

I'dneverhadfeelingsforsomeonewhenIwasyounger,asaresulttotheincident.It'snotlikeIwantediteither.ThoughIkneweveryguywasnotlikethatoneman,Istilldidn'twanttotrustthem.ItwasunderstandablethatIhadtrustissues.ButnowthatEdwardwasinmylife,IwantedtheweirdfeelingIwashavingforhimtobeattraction.

"What'sthedoubtonyourfacefor?"Aliceasked,knowingly.Ishookmyheadtoclearit.

"Idon'tlikehim,Alice,butIdoadmitheisdifferent.Iprobablyjustfeeldifferently

aroundhimbecauseofourloveofmusic."Iexplained,reassuringmoremyselfthenher.

"Sure."Shesaid,notbelievingmeatall.


Thatnight,Isnuggledintobedandputmyearphonesintomyear,lettingEdward'svoicesurroundme.Iwrappedmyarmsaroundmyselfandclosedmyeyes.Abuzzingsoundmademeopenthemagain.Ilookedtomyphonewhichwasslowlymovingtofalloffthecounterfromthevibrationsforce,andpickeditup.IopenedittoseeIhadanewmessagefromanunknownnumber.

SweetDreams.

-Edward

AsIreadhismessage,Icouldn'thelpthesmilethatpassedovermyface.Itwasstupidtothinkthatsomeonewhowaswaryofallpeople,especiallymen,tofeelthenormalfeelingsofattraction.

Still,though,whenIfellasleepthatnight,IfellintopeacefuldreamswiththeimageofmyarmsandiPod,actuallybeingEdward'sarmsandvoicelullingmetosleepashecradledmesafelytohischest.

Itwasjustanimage,andyetIhaven'tfeltthatcomfortableandathomeinyears.


Wow,thatwasintense!Iwasexperiencingamajorcaseofwriter'sblockasItriedtofigureoutwhattowrite.Thiswasaprettyemotionalandintensechapter.

SongthatEdwardsingsisTongueTiedby:FaberDrive

Edwardenoughwashardtowrite,becauseheknowshelikesBella,butdoesn'tknowhowtohandlethesenewfeelings.Bella,ontheotherhandhasnoclueshelikesEdward,asshethinksit'sprettymuchimpossibleforhertoshowthosetypesofemotion.Aren'tthesetwoaninterestingpair?

Pages

Disclaimer:Idon'townanythingTwilightrelated

Bella'sPOV:

TwoweekshavepassedsincethatweirdgoodbyefromthebandwhenAliceandIweregoingtoForks.ThemeetingsatthestudiohavesloweddownalittlebecauseAsphyxiatedwasnottheonlybandrecordingatthemoment.AliceandIarecurrentlyatourdormroomsittinganddoingnothing.

Sincemeetingtheband,wehavebecomesomethingsimilartofriendsthoughIdon'treallywanttosaythatbecausewealsostillhaveaprofessionalrelationship.

JasperandIhavebecomeclose,thoughnotascloseashimandAlice.He'saverycalmingsoulandI'mabletofeelsomewhatcomfortablearoundhim.HeandIhavesomesimilaritiesthatwelovetotalkaboutandwhenwedon'tagreeonsomething,it'sreallyfuntohaveargumentsandmakeshiftdebateswithhim.

EmmettislikethebigbrotherIneverhadandhehassincedeclaredhimselfthat.I'mnotabletobecompletelycomfortablearoundhimandIalwaysfeelalittletense,butheseemstonoticethat,sowheneverwetalk,nocontactreallyhappens.IcantellitbugshimthoughbecauseIcanseehimrestraininghimselftogivemeabigbearhug.

Iwanttotellhimthatit'sfine.I'mnotgoingtofreakoutifhetouchesmeorstartscreamingmyheadoff,Iwon'treactvisiblyatall.Buttellinghimthatwouldprobablyleadtoanexplanationofsomesortandtheseboyshasalreadyfiguredouttoomuchinmyopinion.Edwardmostofall.

Idon'tknowwhattosayaboutEdward.He'sthefirstpersonI'veevermetwhoIalmostimmediatelybecamecomfortableto.I'mthinkingbecausemusicmakesmefeelnormal,andsinceheistheproducerofsaidmusic,hemakesmefeelnormalaswell.Wegetalongreallygreatandthere'salwayssomethingtotalkaboutwithhim.Thelatestalbumscomingout,thebestbooks,andmovies,thelatestdumbthingsthathavehappenedtous.Theconversationswehaveourendless.

Ican'tdenyasparkwheneverI'maroundEdward.There'salittleelectricityflowthattinglesmyentirebodywheneverI'maroundhim.Icantellhenoticesittoo.Sometimeshegetsthisreallycontemplativelookonhisfaceandthenhe'lllightlytouchmyshoulderorsomethingandthenlookathisfingerswithcuriosity.It'sstrange,butIunderstandhiscuriosity.

Themusicthattheguyshavebeenwritingisamazing,asalways.I'venoticedatrendofmorelovesongsthough.TherehasbeenanoccasionallovesonghereandtherebeforebutEdwardexplainedtomethatEmmettwasalwaystheonetoaskforonetobewrittenforhiswife,whoIstillhaveyettomeet.IkindofjustassumethatEmmettwasthecauseofthelatestsongsaswellbutthemeaningofthelyricsareallaboutnewfeelingsandneedingsomethingtheyneverknewtheydid.

EdwardwasalwaystheonetowritethesongsandnowI'mwonderingwhathashappenedinhislifeandwhatspecialgirlhavecomeinit.Forsomereason,thethoughtofhimwithagirlupsetsme.IfeelthishotconstrictinginmychestwheneverIthinkaboutit.AlicehassomecrazyideaaboutjealousyandhowIlikehimandwon'tadmitit,butlikeIsaid,it'sacrazythought.

"Bella?"Alicesaid,pullingmeoutofmythoughts.

Iturnedtolookatherstandinginthedoorwayofmydimlylitroomandobservedherlightandhappymood.She'sbeenlikethatforthewholepastweek.ThereasonwhyisbecauseJasperfinallyaskedheroutonadateandtheyhadspentanentirenightjustsittinginourdormlivingroomandtalkingbeforeitendedwithakiss.Theywereofficiallyboyfriendandgirlfriend.Thenewshasyettogettothepress,thankgod.We'renotlookingforwardtothat.

"Theguysinvitedusovertotheirhouseforalittlegatheringtheywerehaving.Doyouwanttogo?"Sheasked.Icouldtellshereallywantedtogo,seeingasshewasbouncingalittlebitandherbodywasalreadyhalfturnedoutofthedoorwayjustitchingtoruntoherclosetandgetready.

Unfortunately,Ihadtosayno.

"Sorry,Alice,butIhavethispaperformusictheorythatIwanttogetstartedandIreallywantedtodothattonight."Iexplained.Iimmediatelyfeltbadwhenhershoulderssaggedandherfacefell.

"Oh."Sheresponded.

"Thatdoesn'tmeanyoucan'tgo.Youbabymetoomuch,I'llbefine,Alice.Gohavefunwithyourrockstarboyfriend."Iquicklysaid.ItannoyedmetonoendwhenAlicetriedtodosomethingfor'mybenefit.'Ilovedher,andIknowshewasonlytryingtolookoutforme,butIdon'twantherlifebeingdulleddownjustbecauseI'vehadacrappyone.

"Areyousure?"Sheasked,althoughthebounceinherstepwasalreadybackandshewasturningalittlemoreoutofthedoorway.

"Positive."Irespondedwithasternnodofmyheadandthenaquicksmile.

Shesquealedandranoutoftheroomyelling,"Thankyou!"Ilaughedtomyselfbeforepullingmylaptoptomeandstartingonmyessay.IcouldhearAlicerummagingaroundherclosetforsomethingcomfortablebutfashionabletowear.Twentyminuteslater,sheappearedinmydoorwayagain,allshinyandprimped.

"Areyousureyoudon'twanttocome?"Sheasked,shruggingajacketontohershoulders.

Ihonestlydidwanttogo.HangingoutwiththeguysisthemostfunI'vehadsincethedaysAliceandIwouldprankMikeNewtoninhighschool.Also,Iwouldn'ttellAlice,butIwasdyingtoseeifEdward'sinspirationforthenewsongswouldbethere.IjustfeltlikeIshouldmakesurethisgirlisgoodenoughforhim.He'sanamazingguywho'sreallycomplex;hedeservessomeonewhoisjustasamazing.

Also,Ireallydidn'tneedtostarttheessayrightnow,butitgavemeanexcusetonotgo.Iwasn'tfeelinguptobeingsurroundedbypeople,andIwantedtimetothinkoverthesenewfeelingsofprotectivenessoverEdward.Theywerecertainlysomethingexclusive.SomethingI'veonlyeverfeltforAliceandmyparents.IharboredthesamefeelingsforEmmettandJasperbutIknewthatJasperwasingoodhands,andEmmetttalksofhiswifesohighly.Forsomereason,Edward'slonelinessisstrikingmethehardest.

"Absolutelypositive.Gohavefun;I'llcallyouifsomethinghappens."Itoldher,pretendingtoimmersemyselfinwritingsothatshewouldnothesitateandleave.

"Okay.Seeyoulater,"wasthelastthingIheardbeforethedormturnedsilent.


Ilookedtotheclockandsawthatitwasnineo'clock.MystomachsuddenlyletoutahugegrowlandremindedmethatIhadnoteatensincebreakfast.IwasinnomoodtocooksoIdecidedtogooutandgrabasandwichorsomething.Maybeafterthat,I'dgotoamovie.

Ithrewmycoatonandleftthedormbuildings,feelinggratefulthatitwasFridayandtherewasnocurfew.Tenminuteslater,Iparkedatasmalldinerandmademywayinside.TherushofwarmairandmouthwateringscentshitmeandIreveledinthatcomfortable,homelyfeelingbeforemakingmywaytothefarthestboothintheback.

"Hello,darling.WhatcanIgetyou?"Anelderlywoman,dressedinaclassicbluewaitresssuit,asked.

"CanIgetthechickensandwichandacoke,please?"Iordered,makingitsoundmorelikeaquestion.Idon'tknowwhy,butthat'salwayshowIordered.

"Surething,honey."Shegavemeawarmsmileandleft.

Ibreathedindeeplyandnestledintomycoatandthenpressedfartherbackintotheleatherseats.Ilookedaroundandnoticedonlyacouplemorepeoplewerehere.

Therewasagroupofteenagerstalkingandeatingintheboothacrosstherestaurant,amiddleagedmanreadinganddrinkingsomethingandacouplewhoseemedtobenotmucholderthanme.Mygazelingeredonthem.

Themanseemedtobeveryshyandhekeptmessingwiththeglassesperchedonhisnose.Nexttohimwasabeautifulwomanwhokeptglancingathimandsmilingtoherself.Sheleanedupandgavethemanatenderkissonthesideofhisneck.Assoonasherlipstouchedhim,thetensionlefthimandhesmileddownatherbeforekissinghersweetlyonherawaitinglips.Hethenliftedhisarmandshenestledintohischest.

Watchingthem,Isuddenlyfeltseepingwarmthspreadfrommyhearttomyfingertips.Thatwaslove,Iknowitwas.Ihadneverbeforewanteditorevenlingeredontheideaofit,butnowIfeltmyselfyearningforit.Iwonderedwhatthetouchofatenderkisswouldfeellike.Iwonderedwhatthewarmthofstrongarmsaroundyoufeltlike.Iwonderedwhatlovefeltlike.

"Hereyougo,sweetie.Achickensandwichwithacoke.Enjoy."Thewaitresssaid,puttingtheplateandglassinfrontofme.Iquicklyreadhernametag.

"Thankyou,Debbie."Istatedquietly.Shesmiledagainbeforeturningandleaving.

Iateslowlyandstoleglanceseverynowandthenatthecouple.Thattugginginmychestdidn'tstopandIfeltitstrengthenwitheveryglanceatthem.Suddenly,Iheardtheringingofacellphoneandthepeacefuleuphoriagoingthroughthecoupleshattered.Thewomanhastilypulledhercellphoneoutandfrownedatit.Sheshotthemananapologeticlookbeforestandinguptogotakethecallsomewhereelse.Thelookintheman'seyesshockedme.

Heknewshewascomingback,butitlookedlikeitpainedhimtohaveherawayforevenawhile.WhatshockedmewasthatIhadseenthatlookbefore.IknowIhave,butwhere?Theanswerhitmelikeatonofbricks.

Edward.IsuddenlyhadaflashbacktothefirstdayIleftthebandtogohome.WhenEdwardandJasperranuptous,Iimmediatelythoughttheywantedtosortoutsome

business,butinsteadhedidn'treallytalkaboutbusinessatall,andheseemed...nervous.Buttherealizationthatshockedmewasthatwhenwewereleaving,thatlookhadflashedinhiseyes.Thatsamelookthatthemanjusthad.

Thethoughmademystomachconstrictinastrangegiddiness.Thenanotherrealizationhitme.IlikeEdward.IlikeEdward.

Alongwithmysuddenrealization,awaveofextremehappinessovertookme.Ifoundit.IfoundwhatI'dbeenconstantlysearchingforaftertheaccident.Normalcy.Sure,IfeelnormalaroundaselectfewofpeoplebutIknewthatfeelingwasonlyaccomplishedbecausetrustissomethingIknewbeforemylifescrewedup.ItwasafeelingthatIknewhowtodevelop.Romanticaffection,however,issomethingI'veneverfeltbefore,butIknowwhatitisbecauseofthedescriptionsI'veheardaboutit.RomanticfeelingsaresomethingIthoughtIwasn'tcapableof,yethereIam.Despitethisbrokenpastofmine,Ireachedamomentofnormalcy.

Thisisamazing!Ican'tbelievethatthefreakI'veconstantlythoughtmyselfas,doesn'tactuallyrulemylife.Thisisgreat!IwantedtoyellittotherooftopsthatIlikeEdwardMason.

Wait!WhatamIthinking?!?!

Sure,thefeelingofaromantictieandnormalcyisexhilarating,butoutofalltheguysintheworld,whydidIhavetofallforEdwardMason?!Hecanhaveanygirlhewantsandeventhebestouttheredon'tdeserveenoughforhisheart.There'snowayhecouldeverfeelformewhatIfeelforhim.I'msurethatlookIthoughthegavemewasjustmyimagination.

Anewemotionbegantocoldlytrickleandspreadwithinme.I'veheardandseenthisemotionportrayedsomanytimesthatIimmediatelyknewwhatitwas.Heartbreak.I'manidiot.Ithoughtsadly.

Justthen,thewomancamebacktothemanwiththeglassesandquicklysaidsomething.Hereyeswerewildwithexcitementandassoonasshefinishedspeaking,themanjumpedupinhappiness,grabbingherandtwirlingherlovingly.Theyquicklythrewmorethanenoughmoneytocovertheirmeal,onthetable,andrushedoutthedoor.

Withouthavingsomethingtodistractme,thecoldparanoiareturned,causingmetopayformymealandwalkoutofthedinerintothefreshnightair.Nothavingfeltthecalmingbreezeofasilentnightinalongtime,Idecidedtowalkaroundthetownsquareinsteadofreturningtomytruck.

FlashesandyellingcaughtmyattentionbutwhenIlookeduptoseewhatwasgoingon,theloudmobofflashesdisappearedaroundthecornerofabuilding.Weird.Imused.Ilookeddownatmyfeetforatotalofsixsecondswhilewalkingbeforesuddenlybumpingintosomeone.Ilookedup,startled,andmettheangrybrowneyesofamanwithacameraaroundhisneck.BeforeIcouldmumbleanapology,theman'seyeswentwideandflashedwithrecognition.

"IsabellaSwan!"Heyelled.Confused,shocked,andscaredthatheknewmyname;Iwasunabletoregisterthefactthatmorepeoplewithcamerasweresurroundingme.

"Isabella,canyoutellusanythingaboutAsphyxiated'snewalbum?"Oneofthemyelled.

Oh,sothebandiswhatthey'reafter.Whatabunchofleeches.

"Isabella,istruethatyouareinaromanticrelationshipwitheitherEdwardMasonorJasperWhitlock?"Anotheryelled.

Howdotheycomeupwiththisstuff?

Questionswerebeingthrownaroundatmeandtheheavyvoidinmychestfilledwitharushoficyparanoia.Ididn'tknowanyofthesepeople.Whoknewwhattheywerecapableof?

Verythankfulfortheconstantshotofadrenalinethatwasalwayspresent;Ishovedmywayoutofthecrowdandraninthefirstemptydirection.Ishouldhaveknownthatrunningwouldnotshakeoffthepaparazzithough.Theysimplyranbehindme.

AfearthatIhadn'tfeltinfourteenyearsranthroughme,andmymindwassendingmeflashesthatwerepushingmefaster.Ididn'twanttolookback.IwasafraidthatifIlookedback,Iwouldnotseeafrenziedcrowd,butinsteadIwouldseehim.Theimageofhimchasingmesentanotherrushoffearthroughme.

AsIturnedacorner,Iwassuddenlygrabbedbyastronghandandwaspulledintoadarkalley.Iwasthrownagainstthewallandahandclampedovermymouth.AssoonasIfelttheunknownperson'sbodypressmeagainstthewall,Iwasnolongerbeingchasedbythepaparazzi,butIbegantoreliveanunwantedmemoryoflongago.

IletoutamuffledscreamthatIknewnoonecouldhear.

Edward'sPOV:

"That'scool."Isaidmonotonously.

IamgoingtokillCarlisle.Ithoughtmurderously.

Hethoughtit'dbeagreatideatoinviteoneofthenursesthatworkedatthehospitalwithhimsothatwecouldmeet.ThisgirlcouldgiveTanyaDenaliarunforhermoney.

Don'tgetmewrong,I'mprobablybeingtoohardonmodelTanyaandNurseCasey.Theyreallydoactuallyhavebrainsanddon'tsay'like'everyotherword,butIhavenointerestinthemsoImakethemseemalittlehorrible.

MyuncleCarlislehadnothingtodowiththerumorsofTanyaandIhavingarelationshipbutIwasstillplanningtohurthimfortryingtointerferewithmylovelifebyinvitingCasey.

You'dthinkit'dbemyauntEsmewhowouldtryandsetmeup,butit'sactuallymuuncle.Esmeexpressedthatshe'dliketoseemewithsomeonebutsherespectedmydecisions.Carlislehadhispersonalreasonsastowhyhewantedmetobewithsomeone.

Hewasmymom'sbrother,andmyparent's...deathaffectedhimjustasmuchasitaffectedme.HethoughtitwashisdutytotakecareofmeaswellasmakesurethatIwashappy.HewantedsobadlytoretainthatfamilyhappinessthatheandIusedtohave,andhethoughtthatlovewoulddothetrick.Therefore,he'salwaystryingtogetmewithsomeone.

Caseywasstilltalkingaboutwhoknowswhat,andIwaspromptlyignoringher.Iknowshe'sasmartgirlbutI'mthinkingshebelievessheneedstodumbherselfdowntoappealtome.Howwrongsheis.

IlookedaroundtoseeAlicestandinginthedoorwayofthehotel'sdiningroomandIexcusedmyselffromCaseyandrushedtogomeether.

"Where'sBella?"IaskedassoonasIreachedher.

"Wellhellotoyoutoo,Edward.I'mabsolutelyfine,thanks.Noneedtoconcernyourselfaboutmywellbeing."Shemockedasshetookoffherjacket.

AlicemadeitblatantlyclearthatsheknewaboutmycrushonBella,andsheabsolutelylovedtoteasemeaboutit.

"I'llleavetheconcerntoyourboyfriend,whoisoveratthebar,bytheway.Anyways,

answerthequestion.Whereisshe?"Itoldher,smilingcrookedlyasshelaughedatmyalmostdesperateantics.

"Sorrytosaythis,butshestayedhome.Shehadworktodoanddecidedtotakearaincheck."Shetoldme,givingmeasadshrugoftheshouldersbeforegoingofftofindJasper.

MysmilefellandIsighedatthethoughtofnotseeingBellatonight.TodaywasFridayandIhadn'tseenhersinceMonday,whichhadmademeanxiousfortonightallweek.

IguessI'lljusthavetowaitfortomorrowtoseeherwhenwegotothestudio.

Withouttellinganyone,Ileftthepartyandusedtheelevatortogetuptotheband'sapartmentfloorthatweowned.Insteadofgoingintomyroom,IheadedintoEmmett'sandsatonhisbed.Hisroomwasalotmorefunandexcitingthanmineanditlessenedthesadnessinme.

IwasreallyhopingtoseeBellatonight.I'vetextedherafewtimes,butnothingcouldmatchthefeelingofbeingnexttoher.Thiswaswaybiggerthanacrush.Thiswasobsession.Ineededher.Shewaslikeadrugaddiction,likemypersonalbrandofheroin.

Istilllaywideawakeatnight,conflictedatthethoughtofhowstronglyIwaspulledtoherdespitehowlittleIknewabouther.Whoknowsthough?Itcouldbesomekindoffreakykindredspiritattractionkindofthing.Maybeitwastimetostartbelievinginthingslikefateanddestiny.

Thatsoundsincrediblycorny,huh?

AnannoyingringingbroughtmeoutofmythoughtsandIansweredmyphonewithoutevencheckingwhoitwas.

"Hello?"

"Hey,where'dyougo?"Emmettasked.

"Icamebackuptoourfloor.Itwasboringdownthere."Isaid.Noreasontotellhimthetruth.

"Sure."Hesaid,drawingouttheword."Andyourlittledeparturehasnothingtodowithacertainbrunettenotshowingup?"Heteased.

IwasabouttorespondwhenIheardthephonebeingsnatchedawayfromhim.

"Acertainbrunette?Youlikesomeone?You'renotgay?"Rosalieasked,almostincredulous.

Ididn'tknowwhethertolaughoryell.That'sRosalieforyou.She'srudeandmean,butit'snotlikeshemeanstobe.She'sjustveryblunt,andgetsstraighttothepoint.She'skindoflikethatclichéfriendyouhaveinhighschoolwhoisn'texactlymean,butbecausethey'resointimidating,theycomeoffthatway.IrememberwhenEmmettfirstmether;hewasbothinfatuatedandscaredofher.Thewholeexchangewasactuallyprettyfunny.

"Rosalie,I'mnotgay.Yes,Ilikesomeone,andno,youcannotinterfereortellCarlisle."Itoldherfirmly.

"Comeon!Thissomethingthatshouldberecordedinhistorybooksandyou'retellingmethatyou'renotgoingtoletmehelpyouout!Thatiscruel,Edward.Tellmesomethingabouther!Ibetshe'samazingifshecaughtyourattention.She'sprobablyreallysmartandlovesmusic,huh?Howoldisshe?Issheacollegestudent?Howdidyoumeether?What'shername?Tellmesomething,Edward!"

Beforeshecouldcontinueherendlessrambling,Ihunguponher.I'dprobablyreceivehellforthatlater.WhoknewthatmylikingsomeonecouldprovokesuchaweirdreactionoutofRosalie?ShealmostremindedmeofAlicethere,forawholesecond.

Beingtheonlyoneonthefloor,Iwanderedaroundaimlessly,tryingtofindsomethingtooccupymymind.AfteranhourofsnoopingaroundEmmettandJasper'srooms,andanhourofplayingvideogames,Idecidedit'dbebesttogooutforadrive.

AssoonasIslidintomyVolvo,IrealizedIhadnocluewheretogo.MaybeIshoulddrivetotheUniversityandseeifIcanfindacertainsomeone.Ithought.Noway,I'dseemlikeastalker.

Withoutknowingmydestinationspot,Idroveoutofthebuilding'sgarageandturnedleft.Ifailedtonoticethatthegroupofphotographersandreporterswaitingoutsidethebuilding,tryingtocatchaglimpseoftheprivateparty,hadnoticedme.Fiveminuteslater,whenIparkedinthecitysquare,Ifinallynoticedthecrowdthathadfollowedme.

Notagain.Ithought.I'vehadmyfairshareofencounterswiththepaparazzi,andtrustme,Idon'tenjoyit.Iquicklyduckedaroundthecornerofabuilding,butthey

hadalreadyseenmeandwerefollowingme.Iranintoadarkalleyandwaited,hidingbehindlargegarbagecans.Secondslater,Iheardthemobrunningby;tryingtofindoutwhereIhadwent.

Iwaitedacouplemoreminutes,tomakesurethatIwasintheclear,whenIheardayell.

"IsabellaSwan!"

Ifroze.WhatwastherebusinesswithBella?IshuffledovertothemouthofthealleywayandpeekedouttoseeBellafrozen;lookingscaredtodeath,beforedodgingthecrowdandrunning.

Damnit!Iyelledinmyhead.TheyhadnoreasontoharassBella.Seeingthatshewasrunninginmydirection,Igotreadytograbherassoonassheturnedthecorner,sothathopefully,Icouldgetherawayfromthepaparazzi,orifwewerebothfound,Icouldatleastshieldherfromthequestions.

Sheturnedthecorner,andIquicklyshotout,andgrabbedherwaist,beforepullinghertomeinthealley.Thankfulthatshehadgottenagoodheadstart,Iwasabletopullherdeeperintothedarknessbeforethecrowdroundedthecorner.Bellabeganpanickinginmyarms,soIputmyhandoverhermouthandpressedherintothewallsoshewouldn'tblowourlocation.

Iwasn'treadyforherreaction.

ShestartedkickingandwrithinginmygripandIfeltarushofhotaironmypalmassheletoutascream,muffledbymyhand.

"Bella,it'sjustme!"Iwhisperedurgently,tryingtocalmherdown.Atthemouthofthealleyway,Icouldhearthepaparazzirunningpast.

Bellacontinuedtokick,andjerk,tryingdesperatelytogetoutofmyhold.AssoonasIheardthatthecrowdhadleft,Ilethergo.Shepushedmeawayroughly,andtheforcepushedmebacktotheoppositewallandIhitmyheadhard.

"Bella!"Ialmostshouted.Theshockcausedmetolookupather,andIfinallynoticedhowterrifiedshelooked.

MyheartfrozeasIsawthewildlookinhereyes,asifhermindwasn'treallyhereatall.Assoonassheheardmyvoice,hereyessnappedupandmetmine.Slowly,theydimmeddowntothenormalbrowneyesIwasusedtoseeing,andherbreathingslowed.

"I'msorry."Isaidimmediately,knowingIhaddonesomethingtomakeherreactandfreakout.Assoonasthewordsleftmymouth,sadnessovertookhereyes,andshelookeddefeated.

"Edward?Whatareyoudoinghere?"Sheasked,hervoicesoundingrawfromherearliersilentscreams.

"Youweren'tattheparty...IfiguredI'd....comeseeyou."Isaidhesitantly.Myhandswereupinfrontofmychest,palmsfacingher.

Shewasn'tfrightenedanymore,buttheintensesadnessswimminginherdoe-likeeyesmadeherseemsovulnerable.Sohaunted.Sobroken.

"Ididn'tmeantoscareyouoranything."Isaid.Imightaswellhavebeentalkingtoastatue.Shedidnothingbutstareblankly."Isawyourunning.IjustthoughtI'dhelpyougetawayfromtheleeches.

AssoonasIfinishedspeaking,hereyesbecameguardedagain,givingmenohinttowhatshewasfeeling.

"Ohyeah."Shelaughedlightly."Thanks."Shefinished,smilingatme.

Whatthehell?

"Ishouldprobablygetgoing.Thanksforthehelp."Shesaid,withafullblownsmilethatmadehernaturalbeautystandout,makingitseemlikeshehadnotjusthadaweirdpanicattack.

MyhearttightenedthencrumbledasIprocessedthisinformation.AsIfiguredoutwhatwasgoingon,myheartbroke.Itwasn'tthefactthatshecouldn'ttrustmewiththetruth.Itwasthefactthatshewentfrombeingcompletelypetrifiedtosmilinglikeshewasontopoftheworld.Itwasthefactthatthechangehadbeendonesoeasilywithsuchbelievableoutcomes,thatitwasobviousshe'dhadalotofpractice.Itwasthefactthatherentirelife,she'dbeenhiding,isolatingheremotionsandneverlettinganyonein.AnditwasthefactthatifIhadn'tbeentheretowitnessthesuddenchange,evenIwouldhavebelievedher.

Shewasgoodathiding,andnowshewashidingfromme.

"Wait!Bella,areyousureyou'realright?!"Icalledafterher,sprintingtocatchupassheclimbedintohertruck.

"Yeah,I'mfine."Shesaid,smilingsweetly.

Istaredather,tryingdesperatelytofindsomehintthatshewasnotfine.Therewasnothing.Noworrylinesonherface,nodiminhereyes,nowaverinhervoice.Nothing.AllIwantedtodowasyellout,"You'renotfine!",butIknewmyfrustrationwouldscareher.

"Bella,pleasetellmewhat's-"

"Igottogo.I'lltalktoyoutomorrow."Shetoldmequickly.

Istoodinthemiddleofthesidewalk,shocked,andwatchedherdriveaway.

IwantedsobadlyforBellatotellmeeverything.Iwantedhertodropallherguardsandjustletmein.Iwantedhertostophiding.Butshewouldn't.EvenIknewthat.

She'sgottensogoodatpretendingshe'sfine,thatnothing'swrongwithher,thatshewantsnothingmoreinlife;butIcantellthatdeepinsideshe'sdyingtoletitallout.She'sdyingtoscreamandgetmad.She'sdyingtodefeatthatfeelingofbeingbrokenanddifferent.

Buthidingherfrustrationisonlygoingtobreakhermore.Becausenoonecanhearasilentscream.

Youcanseethatthisbrokensoulisbleeding

Soyoucanseeyourfeelingsinsideyourself

Andwanderthroughmyself

Lettingyouseethroughme

Nowonlyconsumesme

Forgetyourpain,watchmefallapart


IamSOsorryI'vebeengoneforsolong!Ihadsummerassignmentstodo,andnowthatthecrazinessofschoolstartingisgone,I'llbeabletoupdateregularlylikebefore.

Quickrecapifyou'reconfused:BellafreakedoutwhenEdwardgrabbedher,andimmediatelythoughtbacktothetraumathathappenedtoherwhenshewassixyearsold(whichwillberevealedeventually).BecauseshefeelsalittleunworthytoEdward,thefactthatshefreakedoutwhenhegrabbedher,

saddensherevenmorethatshecan'tbenormal.Shequicklypretendsthateverythingisallright,whichfrustratesEdward,becausehedoesn'twanthertohidefromhim.

SongisPagesby:3DoorsDown.TookmeforevertofindasongtofitthechapterandjustwhenIwasabouttosettleforsomethingkindafitting,boom,theperfectsong!Lol

~vampire-legend

FindMe

Disclaimer:IownnothingTwilightrelated.

Edward'sPOV:

Icouldn'tsleep.EverytimeIclosedmyeyes,allIsawwasBella'semotionlessfacethatshehadpurposelyworetohideherselffromme.Ineededtodosomething.AnythingtogetridofthattightthrobbinginmychestthatalwayscamewheneverIthoughtabouther.

IknewIcouldn'tforgetaboutherthough.Shewastooamazinginmyeyesformetoforgetabouther,evenforasecond.IneverknewhowmuchIcouldneedsomeoneuntilshecameintomylife.I'velivedmywholelifescoffingattheideaofromance,andlove,wheneveritwasbroughtuptome.Ididn'tthinksomethinglikethatwasmeantforme,andIwaspositiveIcouldneverfeellikethat.ButIcould.Withouthernexttome,Ijustdidn'tfeelwhole.

Sighing,Igotoutofbed,andwenttooursmallstudio,andbegantowriteasong.

Bella'sPOV:

I'manidiot.Acompleteandtotalidiot.HowcouldIthinkforevenonesecondthatIcouldbe"normal"andrestoremyoldwayoflife?IwasfineforacoupleminutesandthenIjusthadtogoandhavesomerandomfreakattackonEdward.

Iwasscared.

Imean,sure,IwasscaredwhenEdwardhadgrabbedmeoutofnowhere,hencethepanicattack,butthatwasn'twhatscaredmethemost.Forthefirsttimeever,Ifeltexposed.I'vealwaysbeenabletocountonmyabilitytosmileandmakebelievethatIwasfine.ThatIwasn'tjusttheweirdkidwithabrokenpasttopity.I'vealwayshadthesecurityofknowingthatnoonecouldtellwhatIwasreallythinking.Icouldalwayscountonbeingabletohidefromtheworld.

NowIcan't.Edwardknows.Icouldtellthathehadfiguredmeout.Iwassoscaredofhimaskingmequestions,thatIhadlaiditonthick.Thesmiling,laughing,andtalkingcasually.IwassopanickedthathewouldbecomesuspiciousofmethatImadethemistakeofputtingonmyfacadesofast,thatanyonecouldtellthatsomethingwaswrong.Andnow,EdwardcouldtellthateverytimeIsaidIwasfine,Iwaslying.

Toputitlightly,itscaredtheshitoutofme.

Now,I'mdrivingwithAlicetogomeetthebandatthestudiotocontinuerecording.Todaywouldbethelastdayofrecordingbeforewewentintotheeditingstagesoftheiralbum.Alicewasnexttome,chattinghappilyaboutJasper,asalways.Shemaybeamazing,andmybestfriend,butevenshecouldn'ttellthatsomethingwaswrongwithme.JustlikeCharlieandReneecouldn'ttellthattheincidentthathappenedwhenIwassixaffectedmylifesomuchnow,thatIdidn'tknowwhatitfeltliketoliveaseasilyasotherpeople.Icountedonsuffocatingthatsideofmesomuch,thatsometimes,evenIbelievedthelie.

Letmetellyouthough,it'sprettyawkwardandscarytobeonyourwaytomeetupwiththeonlypersonwhocantellwhenyou'relying.Saidpersonalsohappenstobetheonlyguyyou'reabletohaveacrushon.

Man,Iliveaprettymesseduplife.Theyshouldmakemoviesoutofit.

"Youhaveyourstuff?"IaskedAliceasIsteppedoutofhercar.

"Yup"Shesaidhappily,swingingabagoverhershoulderwhichheldhersketchbook,soshecouldgetsomeworkdone.

AssoonasIwalkedintothestudio,myeyesflewtoEdward,whowasstandinginthecorner,staringatme.Ismiled.Hedidn'treact.MysmilefellquicklyandImovedtogreeteveryoneelse.EdwardcontinuedtostareatmeasifIwassomekindofemotionaltimeandhewasjustwaitingformetoexplode.Itwasstrange.IwashavingsomekindofintenselockdownwithEdwardwhileeveryoneelsenoticednothing,onlyseeingwhattheyexpectedtosee.

"So,what'stheplan?"Iasked.

"WegotonesongthatEdwardbelieveswejustabsolutelyhavetohaveonthenewalbum,sowe'llrecordthat,andthenwecantalkaboutediting.I'mnotgoingtolie,thesongisawesome,butEdwardwokeusuptoodamnearlyjustsowecouldhaveitfinishedbeforewecamehere."Emmettsaid,rollinghiseyesatEdwardwhosmiledabitinresponse,thoughhiseyesonlyflickeredoffmeforamoment.

"Perfect."Bensaid,sittingdownnexttoAngelaatthemusicconsole.Itookmyspotnexttothemandthebandsetupinthestudio.

Theguitarsbeganinaslowandsteadyrhythm,beforeEdwardbeganinalow,smoothvoice.

Somanynightstryingtohideit,

ButnowIstayawakejustpleadingmore.

Tothinkthisheartwasdivided,

I'mlosingsleep,becauseIcan'tignore,

Feelingyourtouchallaround.

Peacefullyhearingthesound

Ofsilencearoundus.

I'msogladwefoundusthisway.

Yeah.

Hiseyesdidn'tleaveme,andIbecameawareofthatelectricityflowingthroughmeagain.Alightofhopewasignitinginme,spreadingthroughmyveinslikewildfire,burningdownmyinsecuritiesandfearsuntilIonlyfeltthatconnectionbetweenus.Itseemedlikehewassingingtome,andassillyasitwas,forawholesecond,IrecitedwordsinmyheadthatIwishwerehisthoughts.IwishedthathereciprocatedatleastalittlebitofthefeelingsIfeltforhim.

Findme,

Hereinyourarms,

NowI'mwonderingwhereyou'vealwaysbeen.

Andblindly,

Icametoyou,knowingyou'dbreathenewlifefromwithin.

AsmuchasIwished,Iknewthatitwasn'tmethathewrotethissongfor.Thattinylittlefactkilledme.Hewassingingthistosomeonewhowasasamazingashewas,anddeservedeverybitofhim.Hewasdedicatingthissongtosomeonewhocouldlovehimfullywithoutworryingiftheyweregoingtoflipoutonhim.Hewaswritinghisheartouttosomeonewhowouldn'thidefromhim.Someonewhowasn'tme.

Ican'tgetenoughofyou.Oh.

Iwanttobewhereyouare.

Intimesofneed,Ijustwantyoutostay.

Ileaveanoteonyourcar,

WhenIcan'tfindtherightwordstosay.

Hearingyou'revoicearound.

Thelastplacewe'regoingisdown.

I'llgladlyfollow,

Knowingyou'releadingtheway.

Animagebegantoforminmyhead.Edward,runningintothearmsofabeautifullady,beforehespunheraroundandkissedher.Ifeltsick.Icouldn'tbreathe,yetIcontinuedtheimagethroughoutthesong.Hewouldlayinbedwithher,singingherasongthathejustwroteforher.Hewouldfallasleepwithher,cradlingherinhisarms,humminginherear.Then,eventually,thedaywouldcomewhentheywouldsettledown,getmarried,andhavekids.Theywouldbehappy,andhewouldforgetheevermetme.

"Areyoualright"Someoneasked.IopenedmyeyestomeetEdward'swhoIrealizedwastheonewhoaskedmethequestion.

Icouldn'ttakeit.Everythingjustfeltlikeitwascrashingdownonme.Icouldn'tbeartothinkofEdwardwithsomeonewhowasnotme.Icouldn'tbearlosingthatfeelingofnormalcyhegaveme.Butmostofall,Icouldn'tbearlosinghim.ButIwaspushinghimaway.IwouldlosehimifIcontinuedhidingfromhim,butwhatotherchoicedidIhave?

"I'mfine.Ijustfeelalittlequeasy;I'mgoingtostepoutforsomeair."Isaid,managingtocoverupmyanxiety.Everyone'sconcernflewelsewhere,butEdward'sdidn't

Iboltedoutthedooranddidn'tstopuntilIfeltthecoldairhitmyface.Igotthesuddenurgetoscream.Iwonderhowgooditwouldfeeltoscreamandletoutallmyfrustrationtotheworld.

Ilookedupandsawalittlegirlwalkingwithhermom,smilingandobviouslyhavingagreattimeinthehappylittleworldshelivedin.Ienviedthatlittlegirl.Hernaïve-nessatthecruelworldwassomethingIwishIhad.IwishIdidn'thavetobehyperawareofeveryonearoundme,allthetime.IwishIhadsomeonetoprotectmefromthe

world;tocomeandplayheroforme.IwishIcouldhavethatchildhoodinnocenceshehasthatseemedtoberobbedfromme.

"Bella?"

Ifroze.OfcourseEdwardwouldfollowme.Hewasjustthatkindofguy.

"Areyouokay?"Heasked.Hisvoicewasslowanddeliberate,makingitclearthathewouldknowifIwaslying.Iturnedandmethisblazinggreeneyes.

Ikindofsnapped.

"Whatdoyouwantmetosay,Edward?!Iknowthatyouknowaboutme!Quitwaitingaroundformetoblowup!QuitaskingmeifI'mokay!YoualreadyknowthatIamnotokay!"

Ishouldn'thaveyelledathim,butitfeltsoliberating.MyfrustrationandangerleftmeandIfeltamazing.UntilIrealizedIwaspickingonthewrongman.

"I'msorry."Isaidimmediately.IlookedawayandpreparedmyselftowalkbackintothestudioandpretendIdidn'tjusthaveanemotionalblowup.

"Don't."Iheardhimwhisper.

ThenextthingIknew,hishandslowlyencircledmywrist,astonotscareme.Thatpleasurableelectricityflewthroughmeandthetinglingwarmthovertookme.Slowly,Edwardpulledmebackandturnedtomoveinfrontofme,blockingmyexitsbutnotmakingmefeeltrappedatall.

"Please,don'tdothat."Hewhispered."Youdon'talwayshavetohideorpretend.Idon'twantyoutolietome."

Hisvoicesoundedsweeterandsootherthanever.ThesoundofitmademystomachtighteninawayI'dneverfeltbefore.

"Edward."Hisnamefellfrommylipsandtheelectricityheightened,creatinganinvisiblewallaroundus,trickingmeintobelievingthatweweretheonlytwopeopleintheworld.

"Justtalktome,Bella.Iknowthatsomethingbadhashappenedtoyou,butyoucan'talwayscloseyourselfoff."Thegentlewayhesaidmyname,asifthesoundofitwasthesweetestthingevertohim,absolutelymeltedme.

"WhatelsecanIdo?"Avoicethatsoundedalotlikemine,said.

Icouldn'thelpwhatIwassaying.I'dneverfeltsuchwarmthbefore.I'dneverfeltthattinglingpleasurethatwasrockingandstreamingthroughmybodybefore,andIwasdefenseless.

"Idon'twanttobethegirlthatpeoplepityandfeelsorryfor.Idon'twanttobesomecharitycase."Ibegan."Especiallytoyou."

Thereitwas.Thelittlehintthattoldhimhemeantmoretome,thananyoneelse.Iwasscaredtodeathwhathewouldmakeofit.Ilookedup,readytofacerejection.Instead,Iwasmetwithsparklinggreeneyes,sointensethattheyseemedtolookrightintomysoul,pickingapartmydefensesuntilheonlyknewthetruth.

"You'renotsomepitypartytome,Bella.Idon'tknowwhathappenedthatwouldmakeyouthinkso,butIcanguaranteeyou,thattome,you'renotacharitycase.You'resomuchmore."

Edward'sPOV:

Itwasapull.Apullsostrongthatithurtme,physically,toignoreit.

SoIgavein.

HerwholebodytensedasIleanedforwardandbrushedmylipstohers.Whenshedidn'trespond,Ipulledbackandopenedmyeyestogougeherresponse.Hereyesweresparklingandfulloflife.

"Canyoutrythatagain?"Sheaskedhervoicebarelyaboveawhisper.

Shocked,butwilling,Ileanedforwardagainandtouchedherlipswithmine.Twosecondslater,herlipstentativelymovedandpulledbackslowly,beforesensuouslyreturning.Seeingthatshewasn'tobjectingorpullingaway,Ibegantomovemineagainsthersaswell.

Ineverexpectedakisstofeelsogood.Ineverfeltdesireorwantforsomeone,butsuddenly,ImetBellaandthosefeelingswereroused,envelopingmeandfillingmetothebrim.

Herlipsweresowarm,andsoft,movingsoslowlyandtortuously,yetIcouldn'tgetenough.Ikeptmyhandsincheck,makingsurethatIdidn'tgiveintotheurgetoplacethemonherwaist.Ididn'twanttoscareher.

AsIslowlydrewmylipsfromhers,Ibecameawareofourshallow,quickgasps,and

Iimmediatelydrewinadeepbreath.ThenIchuckledabit,whichmadeBellalookatme.

"You'verenderedmebreathless."Iexplained,laughingatmycorniness.AlaughspilledfromBellaaswellandhereyessparkledwithhappiness.Ifeltasurgeofpriderunthroughme.Imadeherfeellikethat.

"So,"Istarted."Doesthismeanyoulikemetoo?"

Iknewitwasasillyandlamequestion,butIcouldn'thelpmyself.Ijustfeltsohappy.Bellalaughedalong,andshetookatinystepbacksoshecouldcatchherbreath.

"Yes,Ilikeyoutoo."Sheanswered.

Weweredeadquietforthreesecondsbeforeweburstoutlaughing."Ohmygosh,thatsoundssolame."Sheexclaimed,andwelaughedtogether,forgettingthesituationandonlyhavingfun.Whenwecontrolledoursnickers,sheglancedupatmefromunderhereyelashesandIslowlyleanedinagain.Thistime,shemetmehalfway.

Mylipspressedharderagainsthers,andslowly,Ifeltthetinglingelectricityfromherfingertipsdragupmyarms.Iliterallyfeltmumusclestwitchandreacttohertouchasshecaressedthem.Ihadtobusymylipsonherstoholdbackamoan.

Asherhandslockedaroundmyneckandourkissslowed,Imadeasnapdecision.

"Willyougoonadatewithmetomorrowafternoon?"Iwhispered.Iopenedmyeyestomeasureherreactionandwasmetwithshock.Hen,asmilereturnedtoherface.

Bella'sPOV:

"Depends.Wherewouldarockstartakeagirllikeme?"

Myfacewasstartingtohurtfromsmilingsomuch.WhenEdwardfirstkissedme,Itensedfromshockandapprehension.Shock,becauseEdwardMasonwasfreakingkissingme.Mr.Bigshotrockstarwaskissingme.Thencametheapprehension.Iwasexpectingafreakoutsession.ImaginemysurprisewhenallIfeltwaspure,warmingpleasure.Itwassingle-handedlythebestexperienceinmylife.Thereshouldhavebeenfireworksgoingoffandpeoplecheeringmadlyaroundus.Itwasthatamazing.

"Idon'tknow.Dependsifyou'rereadyforthepublic."Edwardanswered,lookingalittlewary.

That'swhenitfinallyhitme.Ohmygosh,Ijustmadeoutwithafamousrockstar!Oh,mymotherwouldbeproud.

"I'drathernotdealwiththatyet."Itoldhim.Knewitwasinevitable.Eventually,sometabloidwouldcatchwindthatAliceandIweren'tbeingcompletelyprofessionalwiththeband.Icouldimaginethestoriesthey'dmakeupnow.Strangelythough,Edwardseemedcompletelyworthit.

"Wellthen,wecouldalwaysjustorderapizza,hangouthere,andlightsomecandles."Hejoked.Aftersomelaughs,hefinishedseriously."I'llfiguresomethingabout."

"Bella?Edward?"Ben'svoicecalled.Westeppedawayfromeachotherbeforeheopenedthedoor.

"Hey,thereyouguysare.Bella,we'regettingreadytogooversomeacoustics.Caretojoinus?"

"Coming"Ianswered.IturnedtofollowBeninside,butEdwardwrappedhishandaroundmywristagain."Wegotalittledistractedearlier,butIreallyamwonderingifyou'realright.Iknowthat...somethingoncehappenedtoyoutomakeyouuncomfortablearoundpeople,butIreallydowantyoutotrustmeenoughtoletmecomfortyouwhenyouneedit.Youdon'thavetotellmeanything,ifyoudon'twantto."

Myheartclenchedathiswords.Hewasofferingmesomethingnooneeverhad.Hewasn'ttryingtosendmetotherapyorgetmetospillmyguts.Hewasjustofferingmecomfort.

"Edward,rightnow,IfeelbetterthanI'veeverhave.Itrustyouenoughtobecomfortablewithyou.Youhavenoideahowincrediblethatis.Nowasfarasreceivingcomfortfromyou..."Itrailedoffandsteppedforwardandkissedhimlightly."Thisismorethanenough."

HiseyesflutteredopenfromwhentheyhadclosedwhenIkissedhim,andhestaredatmeintently.Hethensmiled,almostsmugly,asifhewasproudofhimself.

"Okay."Withthatsaidheputhishandsonmyshouldersandledmeinside.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Isitjustme,orsoyouseemmore....glowythenusual?"Aliceaskedaswedrovehome.Ialmostlaughedoutloud.Icouldonlyimaginethatmyfacehadanidiotic

smileplasteredonthatdidnotseemtogoaway.

"It'sSaturday.I'mreadytokickbackandrelax."Iliedsmoothly.Shefellforit,agreeing,andbegantotalkaboutahotbathshewascraving.

IfsheonlyknewtherealreasonwhyIwassohappy,I'msureshe'dtearmelimbfromlimbfordetails.

MyphonebuzzedandIpulleditoutofmypockettoread.

Howaboutdinner?

Yourplaceormine?

-Edward

Ibitmyliptoholdinmylaughter.Ididn'tevenreallyknowwhyIwaslaughing,butIwas.

Yours.I'dratherAlicenotbepresent.=)

-Bella

"Whoareyoutalkingto?"Aliceasked.

"Angela,we'resettingupascheduletodotheediting."Ilied.

"Okay.Anyway,doyouwanttogorentamoviesowecanjustchillouttoday?"Sheasked.Myphonebuzzedagain.

"Uhm,"IstartedasIreadthetext,prolongingmyanswer.

Okay.SixPMgood?

-Edward

"Yeah.Justtoletyouknowthough,I'mmeetingAngelaatsixtomorrow."Iliedagain.IlovedAlicetodeathbutIwasnotlookingforwardtotellingheraboutsomethingthatwasn'tdefinite,justtohavehermakeabigdealoutofit.

Perfect

-Bella

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

SongisFindMeby:BoyceAvenue.Thankyoujules96forrecommendingthatsong.Iknowyouwanteditforwhentheyfirstmet,butIthoughtit'dfitmuchbetterinthischapter.

Goodnessme,i'mtired!So,anyoneknowwhatthey'regoingtobeforHalloweenthisyear?lol

~vampire-legend

RemedyForLove

SomostofyouchoseoptionB,oftheauthor'snoteIleft,sohere'sthenextchapter

Disclaimer:IdonotownanythingTwilightrelated.

Bella'sPOV:

ItookadeepbreathbeforeIliftedmyhandandknockedonthedoor.Itopenedafullthreesecondslater,andIsuckedinastartledbreathasIstaredatthegorgeousrockstarinfrontofme.

I'vebeensousedtoseeinghimint-shirts,andjeansthatIdidn'texpectanythingdifferent.Hewaswearingagraycollaredbuttonupshirt,buthehadrolledthesleevesuptohiselbowsandtheshirtwasopentorevealthewhitev-neckunderneathit.Hisjeansweredarkerandstiffer,andclungtothemusclesofhislegsnicely.

Ismilednervouslyashestaredatmeforasecondthensmiledcrookedly."Iwasscaredyou'dditchoutonme."Heconfessed,hischeeksturningalittlepink.Ismiledautomaticallyinresponse.

"Comeonin."Hegestured,movingtothesidetoletmein.

"Ahhh!"IscreamedasIfeltthetinybodyjumpontopofme,joltingmeawake.Iquicklysatupandwhateverhadjumpedonmerolledoff.

Ihearda"Whoa!"Thentherewasalowthumpastheperson'sbodyfellonthefloor."Ouch."Avoicemuttered.

Iknewthatvoice.Oops.

"Ohmygosh,Alice!I'msosorry!"Ispokefrantically,scramblingtogetoutofmybed.

Sheliftedherpalearmandgavemeathumb'sup.

"I'llbefine.I'mjustwaitingformyheadtoquitspinning."Shegroaned.Iwinced.

"I'msosorry,youjustscaredmewhenyoujumpedonmelikethatand-"

"It'sfine."Sheinterrupted.Sheliftedherheadoffthefloortogivemeasheepishsmile."IknewthatIshouldn'thavejumpedonyou,Ijustreallyneededyoutohurry

andwakeup.Youhaveaclassintenminutesandyouforgottosetyouralarm."

"Ohcrap,yourright!"ThenextcoupleofminuteswasablurofAlicehelpingmegetreadysothatIcouldgettoclassontime.Imadeittoclassrightastheprofessorwastakingattendance,andhehadyettogettomyname.Thankyou,Alice!

BecauseIwasmoreinvolvedwithmusicalengineeringthantheotherstudents,andIhadexperience,Iwasaheadoftherestofthestudents,soIgotboredofteninthisclass.Everythingtheteachersaid,Icouldteachmyself.IwasinthemiddleoflosingmyselftoadaydreamstarringEdward,whenIfeltmyphonebuzzinmybackpocket.TheprofessorneverlookedmywaysoItookitout.

*NewTextMessageFromEdward*

Iautomaticallysmiledandmyheartflutteredabit.It'sbeentwoweekssincemydatewithEdwardinhisapartment.Themostwonderfultwoweeksofmylife.It'shardtobelievethatIonlymethimfourweeksago.EdwardmademefeelaliveinwaysthatIthoughtIwouldneverbeabletoexperience.

Whenhelookedmyway,hisshiningeyesseemedtoengulfmeintheirendlessdepthsandacongenialwarmthtingledmychest.Whenwewereclosetogether(whichwasoften)hewoulddelicatelyrunhisfingerslightlyovermine,beforeturningourhandstomeetpalmtopalm,andthenhewouldsweetlyintertwineourfingersandsmilecrookedlyatme.HiskisseswereaneuphoriathatIhadneverknown.Themaddeningheatthatradiatedfromhissmooth,softlipsdrovemewildeverytimetheytouchedmine.

ButwhatIcravethemostwhenI'mwithhim,istofeelhisarmsaroundme.Ilovethefeelingofhisstrongarmsaroundme.

Flashback:

"Thatwasdelicious,Edward.Didyouseriouslymakethatbyyourself?"IaskedasIfinishedeatingthemushroomravioli.

"No,Ilied.Ijustwantedtoimpressyoualittlebit."Hesaid,finishinguphimself.Hesmiledimpishlyatme,andIcouldn'thelpbutsmileback.

"Itdoesn'ttakemuchtoimpressme,Edward.Justputsomethingshinyinfrontofme."Ioffered,givinghimaguiltysmile.Hechuckledandleanedbackintohischair.

"WhydoyouthinkIsetthisupoutside?Whileyourbusybeingdistractedbytheshinymoon,Icanworkontryingtowooyouover."Hewinked,thengavemethe

smilethatmadeallofhisfansfallinlovewithhim.

Iblushedandlookeddown.Thesparklingintensityofhiseyesdidn'tintimidatemeandmakemefeelparanoidlikeeveryoneelsedoes,buttheydidmakethebutterfliesinmystomachflyaroundmorethantheyalreadywere.

"Youdon'tfindthistoocheesy,doyou?"Hesuddenlyasked.Ilookedupandmethisapprehensiveeyes,thatalmostseemedembarrassednow.

"Ithoughtitwouldbekindofromantic."Hecontinued."ButEmmettkeptmakingfunofmeand-"

"Edward,Ithinkit'samazing."Icutin,effectivelystoppinghisrambling.Relieffilledhiseyesandhelookeddownatthegroundsheepishly.

"Sorry.Idon'thavemuchexperienceinthedatingarea."Headmitted.

That'sgottabealie.

IgaveEdwardaskepticallookandhenoddedagain,lookingevenmoreembarrassed.

"I'veneverhadmuchexperiencewithgirls.Inmiddleschool,Iwastooawkwardandgeekyforanyonetolikeme.Theninhighschool,Isimplyhadnointerestinthem.YouhavenoideahowmanytimesEmmettsuggestedImightbegay.Itannoyedthehelloutofme."Headmitted.

"Really?"Iasked,surprised.Hecouldhaveanygirlhewanted,andyet,hedidn'twantanyofthem?

"Yeah."Heconfirmed."You'reactuallymyfirstdateever."Headmitted.

"Andmyfirstkiss."Hemuttered.

"Nowthathasgottobealie!"Isaid.It'simpossiblethatatwenty-oneyearoldman,nevertheless,arockstar,hasgonethroughhislifewithouteverkissingsomeone.

"WhatcanIsay?Iwasraisedtobeagentlemen.I'mnotgoingtogoaroundkissinggirlsunlessIreallylikethem.Andnoone'severcaughtmyattentionuntilrecently."

Atthatpoint,Edwardlookedup,andhisgreeneyesshinedbrightwithaffection.Affectionthathehadforme.

"What'ssodifferentaboutmethatwouldcatchyourattention?"Iaskedmeekly.The

questionbothtormentedmeandhumiliatedme,butIhadtoknow.TherewasnothingaboutmethatcouldholdEdward'sattention.

"Everything."Hislow,velvetvoicesaid.Iheardhisfootstepscomingtowardsmebuttheystoppedwhenhewasrightinfrontofme.

"Bella,youhavenoideahowamazingyouare.WhenIfirstsawyou,notonlydidyourbeautydrawmein,butalsoyoureyes.Thosedeep,mysteriouseyesthatheldthestoryofafascinatingwoman.ThenIlearnedofyourpassionformusic.I'dthoughtI'dneverfindsomeonewholovedmusiclikeIdid,butthenImetyou.Yousawthroughmymusic,andknewthetruemeaningofwhatIwrote.ThenIlearnedhowincrediblyselflessyouarewhenitcomestoBen,Angela,andAlice.YoucouldbesufferingmuchmorethanIcantell,butyouwouldstilldowhateveryoucouldtomakeotherpeoplesmile.You'repassionate,humble,andabsolutelyamazing."

Icouldn'tbreathe.Hiseyeswereblazing,hisjawlocked,andhewasstandinglessthanafootaway.Iwatched,mesmerized,ashetookadeepbreathbeforesmilingcrookedlyandthenofferingmehishand.

"Willyoudancewithme?"Heasked.

"There'snomusic."Ipointedout,asItookhishandandhepulledmecloser.Normally,theclosenesswouldhavebeentooawkwardformetotake,butthiswasn'tawkward.Thiswascomfort.

"Well,Idomakealivingoffofsinging."Heteased.Ismiledautomaticallyinresponse,andfeltmybodymelttohis,givinghimfullcontrol.Hecouldhurtmerightnow.Myguardwasdown.Iwasvulnerable.ButEdwardwouldneverdoanythingthough.Hewasthegoodguy.

"Hmm."Hebreathed,contemplatinginhismind.Asmiletuggedontheedgeofhislipsasasongcametohismind.Heonlysmiledlikethatwheneverhewaspleasedwithhismusicchoice.

Everybodywantstobeloved

everyonceinawhile

weallneedsomeonetoholdonto

justlikeahelplesschild

Hisvoicewaslowandvelvetyinmyearashesung.

Canyouwhisperinmyear?

Letmeknowit'salright.

It'sbeenalongtimecomingdownthisroad

andIknowwhatI'vebeenwaitingfor

Likealonelyhighway,andI'mtryingtogethome

Love'sbeenalongtimecoming

HisarmssuddenlytightenedandIfelthimeverywhere.Itwasn'tscary.Itwasn'tawkward.Itwassecurity.Itwassafety.Itwascomfort.Itwasheaven.ItwasEdward.

EndFlashback

Ismiledatmymemoryandopenedthetextmessage.

Whatareyouupto?

-Edward

Isnuckaglanceattheprofessortoconfirmthathewasn'tlookingatme.HewasramblingonaboutstuffIhadalreadylearned.

Beingboredinclass.You?

-Bella

Ionlyhadtowaitalittlewhileforhisresponse.

BeingannoyedbyEmmettandJazz.

Wantmetocomespringyou?

Wecouldheadovertothestudio?

-Edward

Ihadtofightwithmyselfonthedecisionthere.GoingwithEdwardsoundedreallygoodrightnow,butIimaginehimshowingupatthecampuswouldnotbeverygoodrightnow.Thepresshadyettofigureoutwhatwasgoingonbetweenus,andfrankly,Ilikeditthatway.Theygottocloseformycomfort.

Notothefirst,butyestothesecond.

Meetyouinten.

-Bella

AfterIpressed'send'Istoodupandlefttheclassroom.Theteacherdidn'ttakenotice,andbesides,itwasinmylibertytoleaveifIwantedto.Exactlytenminuteslater,IwasparkinginfrontofthestudioandsmilingattheVolvoIsawdrivinginnexttome.

"Hi."Isaidashesteppedoutofthecar.Hislipsspreadintoasmileandthenhewasinfrontofme.

"Hey,"hebreathed.Anticipationtensedmybodyasheleanedcloser.Thenhislipswereonmine.

Slowly,andgentlyfirst.Tentative,andcareful.Whenmyhandstouchedhisneck,theybecamemoreurgent.Mystomachclenchedashishandsfoundmywaist.Firstitwasfromanautomaticresponseoffear,butthenhiselectrictouchregisteredinmymind,andImeltedinhiscapablehands.Mylipsparted,andIbreathedinhisfamiliarscent.Itwassweetandmouthwatering.Thepitofmystomachwarmedandtingledinanunfamiliarway.Thenhistonguetracedmylips,andIknewwehadtostop.IwantedtotrustmyselfenoughtobelievethatIcouldhandleit,butIdidn'twanttopushmyself.Aspazzattackwouldnotbegoodrightnow.

IgentlypushedawayanddetachedmyselffromEdward.

"Sorry."Hebreathed.IopenedmyeyestoseehisfaceglowingfromthatsamepleasureIhadjustfelt,buthiseyesalsoseemedguilty.

"Don'tbe.I'mfine."Ireplied.Hesmiled,andtookmyhand,leadingmeinside.

Hewasalwayssopatient.HeknewnothingofwhyIactedsocarefullyallthetime,andyethewasstillwillingtowaitandbethereforme.Idon'tunderstandwhathecouldpossiblyseeinme,butasselfishasitwas,Ididn'twanttolethimgo.Heshouldn'thavetowaitformetotellhimsomething,whenIknewIwouldneverwillinglydoit,butIwasn'twillingtoletgoofthefeelingofsecurityhegaveme.

Edward'sphonerang,andwebothjumpedaswemadeourwaytotherecordingroom.

"Hello?"Heanswered.IcouldhearEmmett'sloudvoiceontheotherline,andI

smiledathisamusingantics.

"Oh,BellaandIareatthestudio."Edwardanswered.EmmettsaidsomethingthenEdward'ssmilefell.

"No,don't!"Hebegan,butthenlookeddownathisphoneindisappointmentasEmmetthungup.

"Iwantedittojustbeus,butapparentlyEmmettwantstoinviteeveryoneovertoplayabit."Hetoldme,scowling.

"Areyoutellingmethatyou'redisappointedthatyou'regoingtohavetoplaymusic?IneverthoughtI'dseethedaywhenEdwardMasondidn'twanttoplay."Igaspedteasingly.Hesmirkedandshookhisheadatme.

"Whatever."Hegrumbled.Ilaughed,andsatdownatthemusicconsole.

EdwardandItalkedforthirtyminutesstraightbeforeEmmett,Jasper,Alice,Angela,andBenshowedup.

"Hellolovebirds."AliceteasedasshecameinandsawEdward'sarmwrappedaroundme.

IhadwantedtokeepmyfirstdateasecretfromAlice,butintheend,Ispilledeverythingtohersothatshecouldhelpmegetready.IwasfashionablyretardedandIneededAlicetohelpmelookcutebutnotlikeIwastryingtoohard.Shesucceeded,ofcourse.

IsmiledtoherinresponseandsheonlygiggledbeforeJaspertookupherattention.

"Guys?"Emmetcalledoutashecamein.Myheartjumpedattheseriousnoteinhisvoice.Emmettwasneverserious.

"Soourmanager,Aro,hasfinallydecidedit'stimeforhimtointervenewithourwork.Heletushavefreereignwiththisalbum,butnow,wehavesometrouble,sohesays."EdwardandJasperlookedworried,andAngela,Ben,Alice,andIjuststared,confused.

EmmetttookalaptopoutofhismessengerbagthatIdidn'tevennoticehehadandsetituponthemusicconsole.

'Asphyxiatedbandmembersromanticallyinvolved',wasthefirstthingIread.IwincedasIrealizedwhatwasgoingon.Emmettscrolleddownandpicturesof

JasperandAlice,andEdwardandIpoppedup.

"What'stheproblem?"Jaspersaid.Weturnedtolookathimandhehadasternlookonhisface."Weknewitwouldeventuallyhappen.Thisdoesn'taffectthealbumorthebandinanyway,"

Edwardnoddednexttomeinagreement,andIwatchedashisjawtightenedinannoyance.

"That'snottheproblem."Emmettsaidgravely.Hehunghisheadforasecondbeforepullingouthisphone.Hedialedanumberandthenputitonspeaker.

"Helloall."AnsweredavoicewithanItalianaccent.

"Aro."Theyallacknowledged.

"Sohere'sthething.Ihavenoproblemwiththeselittleromancesyoutwoarehaving,butwegotsomebadpublicitystartingtospread,andIneedyoutodecideonifyouwanttomakeastatement,orjusttryandseeifthiswillburnoutandhopeitwon'thurtAsphyxiated'simage."Hesaid.

"Whatdoyoumean?"Edwardaskedtensely.

"Google'IsabellaSwan'."Herepliedtersely.Itensedandmybreathingbecamelabored.Pleaseno.Ibeggedinmyhead.Notnow,notever.

Emmettdidastold,andtheresultscameup,gaspsgoingaroundtheroom,andthefloorfelloutfromunderme.

'EdwardMason'snewgirlfriendalmostrapedatagesix'

"Readit."Aro'svoicecommanded.Jasperwasthefirsttocollecthimselfandsteppedforward.Iscreamedinmyheadforhimtonotdoit,butIcouldn'tmove.Icouldn'tbreathe.

"Atagesix,IsabellaSwanwasabductedfromherhouseinForks,Washingtonwhilevisitingherfatherwithhermother.Herfather,ChiefCharlieSwan,wokeupwhenheheardherscreamandimmediatelydispatchedallofficersintheareatofindher.Reportsfromthenightoftheincidentclaimthat30yearold,JamesWhite,hadbeenfollowingIsabellaforaweek,beforebreakingintoherhouseandtakingherintotheforestnexttoit.IsabellafoughtbackandwasabletoinjureWhitebeforehedidanyharmtoher.Whitechasedafterher,andthrewheragainstatreetostopherfromrunning.Astruggleformedbetweenthetwo,andIsabellareceivedmanyinjuriesas

shefoughtagainstWhite.Herfatherwasabletoquicklyfollowthesoundsofstruggle,andshotandkilledWhitebeforeanysexualpenetrationcouldoccur.

Isabellawenttothehospitalandwastreatedforaminorconcussion,severalbonefracturesandabrokenwrist.Sincethen,Isabellahadbeenattendingregularappointmentstomanypsychiatriststotreatherparanoiaandtrustissuesagainstpeople.Isabella,nowagetwenty,attendstheUniversityofWashingtonwhileworkingattheFullSoundRecordingStudioinSeattle,wheresheworkswiththeband,Asphyxiated,whichiswhereshemetleadsinger,EdwardMason."

Theworldwasspinning.Colorswereblurringandmeltingtogether.Mybreathingandheartratewerepoundinginmyearandtearsbegantostingmyeyes.Ididn'tdarelookanywhere.Theyallknewnow.Alicehadneverevencompletelyknownthetruth,andnowtheentireworldknewit.Itwasofficial.Inowhadnohopeofeverbeingnormalagain.Iwouldalwaysbethegirlwhowasalmostrapedwhenshewassix.I'dalwaysbesomeonetopity.

"We'lldealwithit,Aro."IheardEmmett'svoicesaygravely.

"Bella?"Iheardhisvoicesay.Whydidhehavetosoundsounderstanding?Hewasjustsugar-coatingthetruth.Hedeservedbetter,andyethestilltriedtobenicetome.

"Bella?"Hisvoicesaidagain,thensuddenlyhishandwasonmyshoulder.Icouldn'tbeartoimaginehowcatatonicImustlookrightnow,butsuddenlysomethingbrokeinsideofme.

"No!"Iscreamed.Irippedhishandoffofmeandthrewmyselfagainstthewall,curlingmyselfagainstit,tryingtodisappear,justwantingtonotexistanymore.

Theairaroundmewaspushingagainstme,crushingme,suffocatingme.Mybodyclenchedeverywhereandsuddenlyaloudsobleftmylips.ThisiswhatIwas.Abrokenmess.Adisgustinglybrokenmess,whowouldneveramounttoanything.

Edward'sfamiliarfeelingofelectricitybegantosurroundme,andIcouldn'ttakeit.Ididn'tneedtoseehiseyestoknowthattheywerefullofpity,justlikeeveryone'seyeslookedlikewhenIwassix.Iwasfragile.Iwasvulnerable.Iwouldneverbestrongenoughtohandlemyownlife.HidingwasallIwasgoodat,andintheend,Iwouldalwaysendupwalkingawayfromthosewholovedme.Iwouldneverbegoodenoughforit.

"No."Isobbedagain.Ineededtogetoutofhere,butIdidn'twantthemtoseeme.

Istoppedbreathingandcontrolledmysobs.Justhide.You'regoodathiding.You'regoodatwalkingaway.IstraightenedupandfeltthewalluntilIfoundthedoorknob.

Itwassilent.Deadsilent.Noonemadeanoise.Nooneevenbreathed.Ikeptmyfacehiddenandopenedthedoor,andwalkedout.

"Bella!"Iheardagain.Justleavemealone,Iwantedtotellhim,butIcouldn'tfindmyvoice.

"Don'tleave."Iheardhimsaybehindme.

"Whatdoyouwant?"Ihoarselywhispered.Ishouldhavekeptwalking,butIwasn'tevenstrongenoughtodothat.

"Bella,lookatme."Hewhisperedagain.Hewascloser.Icouldtell.Theairaroundwastinglinginelectricity.

"No."Iwhispered.

"Bella,"hestarted."I'mnotsayinggoodbye.I'mnotlettingyougothateasily.I'vetoldyoubeforethatnomatterwhat,Iwanttobewithyou.Iwanttobehereforyou,butyougottoletmein."

"I'mnotverygoodatlettingpeoplein."Ireplied.Thiswastheharshtruth.Iwouldalwaysfeellikehedeservedmore.Deservedbetter.

"Whatareyouthinkingrightnow,Bella?Whyareyoutryingtorunaway?"Hisvoicewasdoingthatthingagain.Thatthingwhereitseemedtocaressyouandmakeyoufeellikeyouwerethemostimportantthingtohimever.Iwaspowerlesstoit.

"Whatdoyouwantmetosay,Edward?Here'sthetruth.IwasalmostrapedwhenIwassix.Ican'ttrustpeople.Icanhardlyevenbealonewithmyownfatherwithoutfeelingparanoid.Ican'thaveanormallife.Irefusetobethatgirl.Irefusetobeapityparty."

Hishandwasreachingout.Itwasgettingcloser.Iwantedtoscream.Iwantedtorunaway,butIalsowantedhistouch.Iwantedhimtotellmeitwouldbeokay.Iwantedhimtotellmethattherewashope.ThatIwasn'tapityparty.

"I'vesaiditbefore,andI'llsayitagain."Hestarted.Hishandencircledmywristandbroughtmecloser."I'llsayiteverydayfortherestofmylifeifIhaveto."

Hisarmcamearoundmywaistandhetiltedmyheaduptolookintohiseyes.They

weremolten,andblazing.Theywereloving.

"Youarenotapityparty."Hesaid,almostharshly.Hisfaceturnedhardbutremainedgentleatthesametime.Itwasmesmerizing."You'resomuchmore."

Andthenhekissedme.

Thedreamsthatkeepmehere

arenotworthit.

Learntoloveyourfears,

I'msorry.

Thesedreamsthatfallapart

arenotworthit.

Learntolovetheseyears;

forever.

Thisisyourlife,

Thisisyourtime

Thisistheonlytimeyouhavetomakeit


Intense!Whoo!ThisisthechapterI'vebeenwaitingfor!Lol

SongthatEdwardsangtoBellaontheirdatewasLongTimeComingby:OliverJames.ThechaptersongisRemedyForLoveby:SchoolBoyHumor.

SoyoufinallyfiguredoutwhathappenedtoBella.Shewasn'traped,butitwasclose,whichiswhyshehastrustissues.

SongInMyHead

Disclaimer:Youknowwhat?I'mnotgoingtosayit.No,youcan'tmakeme.......wait!Don'ttakeawaythecookies!No!....fine.-sigh-Idon'townanythingTwilightrelated.

Edward'sPOV:

"Iknowthatthisisn'treally,"Ibegan,gaspingoutthewordsasIgentlydetachedmyselffromBella'ssweetlips,"whatyouwanttodorightnow,butIthinkwehavetodecidewhatwe'regoingtodoaboutthis."

IopenedmyeyestomeetBella'swarmchocolateones.Theyweren'tclosedoff.Theywereopen,vulnerable,andtrustful.Shetrustedme.Thethoughtmademyheartsoar.

"Whatdoyoumean?"Sheasked.Iclosedmyeyesandsighed.Ireallydidn'twanttoexplainexactlywhatImeant.Ialreadyfeltlikeajerk,butlikeArosaid,somethinghadtobedone.

Thiswasn'tforthesakeoftheband.ItwasforBella.Ifnothingwasdonetoconfirmordenytherumors,thenthepaparazziwouldhoundheruntiltheyweresatisfied.

"Uhm,whatdoyouwanttodoabout....thestories?"Ifinallysaid.Icouldn'tdaretolookatherface,butIheardhersharpintakeofbreathandthenhershakyexhale.

"DoI...Imean...whatcanI...uh?"Shecouldn'tsayanything.Ilookedupandsawthewordsshecouldn'tforminhereyes.

"Ifweleavethisopentointerpretation,thetabloidswillhoundyouuntiltheycangetinonthestory.Ifyoureleaseastatement,thenwecanavoidanytrouble."Iexplained.

Ifelthorribleforhavingtogiveherthechoice.Eitherway,shewouldhavetofacepeoplethatshedidn'tknow.Peoplethatshecouldn'ttrust.Peoplethatcouldhurther.

Isawthefearinhereyes.Ifinallysawthatunbelievableterrorthatcamewithherpast.Icouldn'tevenbegintoimaginehowdifficultlifewouldbeifyourwasconstantlyontheedge.Constantlylookingoveryourshoulder,neverbeingabletorelaxfromthetensionofparanoia.ItwasalifeIknowIwouldn'tbeabletotake,yetBellawasstillabletocontinuethroughlifeputtingsmilesoneveryoneelse'sfaces

eventhoughshewouldneversmileforherself.

"Ican't."Astrangledsobcamewithherwhisperedvoice."Iwon'tbebeabletohandleit.YouhavenoideahowmuchIwantto,butIcan't."

Asshetriedtoexplainwhatshewastryingtosay,Isawhowthetableswereturning.Shewastryingtoputtheblameonherself,thoughtherewasnoblameatall.Shewasmakingitseemasifshehaddonesomethingwrong.Hervoicetookonapanickedpitchandshebegantotalkfasterindesperation.Itwasthefearagain.

"Bella,shhh.Bella,it'sokay."EventhoughIdesperatelywantedtoquicklysweepherinmyarms,IknewIhadtogoslow.

Slowly,Itookastepforwardsoshecouldseememovetowardsherinherpanickedfrenzy.ThenIletmyhandhovercloselytoheruntilIlightlytouchedher.Iknewshecouldfeeltheelectricity.Therewasnodoubt;Icouldseeitinthewayhershouldersbegantoslumpandhervoicecalmedatinybit.Itwashardlyanoticeablechange,butitwasthere.Herhandsturnedandmypalmmethers.Then,herhandtightenedautomaticallyandIletmyarmsencloseher.

"Youdon'thavetodoanythingyoudon'twantto,andyoudon'tyoudaretryandturnthisonyourself.Youdidnothingwrong.Ifanything,Ishouldapologizetoyou.Yourlifeshouldn'thavebeenputondisplaylikethat."

"But-"Shetriedtoprotest,butIwouldn'thaveit.IcutheroffwithaquickkissandIfeltnotonlyhertensionleave,butalsomine.Shehadnoideaofthepowershehadoverme.I'dneverfeltlikethisbefore.ItwasasifIonlyexistedtomeether.

"Let'sgobackinside."Iwhispered.Iputmyhandonthesmallofherbackandledherbackinside.

Assoonaswewalkedin,Alicecamerunning,gentlypullingBellaawayfromme.

"Areyoualright?"Sheaskedanxiously."Oh,Bella.I'msosorry.Whatkindofjerkswouldwriteaboutyourlifelikethat?It'sokay,Bella.I'llhuntthemdownandgoallkindsofninjaonthem."

Iwasverysurprisedthatshehasn'teventakenabreathduringherwholemonologue.Althoughshewasbeingcompletelyserious,IsawhowBella'seyesdancedwithamusement.

"I'mfine,Alice.Iwouldn'twantyoutoendupinjail,anyway."Shetoldher.Imarveledatthewayshewastryingtomakeherbestfriendlaughwhensheseemed

tobetheonewhoneededcheeringup.

Alicesmiledslightly,thenhesitantlygaveBellaahug.Bella'seyesflashedforasecondbeforeshebracedherself.EvenhuggingAlicemustbestrangeonheraccount.

ItoremyeyesawayfromAliceandBellaforasecond,andmetthewateryeyesofAngela.

"Issheokay?"Shemouthedtome.BeforeIcouldanswer,Bellaspoke.

"Angela,I'mfine.Ofcourse,I'mshakenup,butI'mnotgoingtohaveanotherpanicattack.I'msorryifIscaredorshockedyouearlier."Bellaanswered.BeforeIcouldreprimandBellafortryingtoputsomekindofblameonherselfagain,Angelaspoke.

"Don'tbe."Angelaansweredfirmly."Noneofthisisyourfault.Youneverdeservedtobeasubjectofcruelfatelikethat,norisityourfaultthatsomejerkwroteaboutitforaneasybuck.Youneverdeservedanyofthis."

AlthoughAngela'svoiceheldnohostilitytowardsme,herwordsstillcutthroughme.Shewasright.Belladeservednoneofthis.Iwasatfaultforherlifebeingputondisplaylikethat.IwincedandlookedoveratBella.Iwasbeingselfish.IknewBelladeservedbetterthanme,butIcouldn'tevenbegintothinkaboutleavingher.Icouldn'timagineanykindoflifewithouther.

"Uhm,Edward?"Jasperaskerfrombehindme,hisvoiceraspywithawkwardness.

"Shouldwego?"Heasked.Emmettandhimbothshuffledtheirfeetandshiftedawkwardly,notknowingwhattosayordo.

"Let'splay."Iimmediatelysuggested.Bellaalwaysrelaxedaroundmusic.Shelostherselfinit.

IthrewaquickglancebehindmeandsawAlicelookingintoJasper'seyes,givinghimafirmnod.Bella'seyesmetmineandImarveledatthebeautifullookinthem.ItwasasifsheknewexactlywhyIsuggestedplayingandwasgratefulforit.Jasper,Emmett,andImadeourwayintothestudio,andsetupourinstruments.

"DoyouguyswanttoplaySongInMyHead?"Emmettasked.

"Sure."JasperandIreplied.

Icountedoffandthenbegantosingandplaythepiano.SoonJasperjoinedmeon

theguitar,followedbyEmmettwithasteadybeatonthedrums.Isoonbegantolosemyselfinthesoundofthemusic.MystressmeltedawayandIlookedupandmetBella'seyes.IonlyfocusedonherandIcouldfeeltheconnectionsparkingbetweenus.Hereyesrevealedeverythingtome,andI'vealreadybaredmyheartandsoultohermorethanI'vedonewithanyonebefore.

Musichasbeenmyonlyescapefrommyownmonstersthroughouttheyears.It'sbeentheonlythingthatunderstoodandtheonlythingthatI'veeverbeenabletobetruthfulwith.

Don'tblink,don'closeyoureyes,

butmostofalldon'tapologize.

It'smewho'sgotthedemonstowrestlenow.

SuddenlyasIbegantolistentotheownlyricsIhadwrote,arealizationandhurtrippedthroughmethatclutchedandcontractedmychest.Bellabelievedthatshewastheonlyonewithpastproblemsinthisrelationship,andIhadbeenlyingtoherallalongbynottellingherthatIwasalsobroken.Iwasworsethanbroken,Iwasmutilatedbymyghostsinthecloset.Mypasthorrorsweremyself.Iwasamonster.

There'sapatchofblueinthestormysky,

amemoryofabrightertime

wheneverythingwasnewandlesswatereddown

beforethesummerturnedtobrown.

Ididn'tdeservetofeelthewarmthBellagaveme,ortoreceiveherrareaffections.Iwasn'ttherightpersontobearoundtoprotectherortobehershouldertocryon,ortojustbetheonepersonshecouldfullytrust.Iwassoclosetobeinginlovewithher,Iwassure.

Shelookedattheworldandsawthehorrorsinitthatpeopleeverydayignoredsothattheycouldkeepthemselvesblissfullyignorantandoblivious.Shesawtheshadowsofeverybody'ssinsandsecrets,andyetshecouldstillfindawaytolive,laugh,andlove.Eventhoughshecouldn'tseeherselfclearlyenoughtomakeherselfrealizethatshehadeveryreasontobehappy,shewasstillabletouseeveryfiverofherbeingtomakethosearoundherhappy.IsabellaMarieSwanwasbeautiful,selfless,brave,honest,brilliant,witty,andsoincrediblygenuine.Itwasimpossiblenottoloveher.

SoIdidloveher.Icouldadmitthat,butnowthatherghostsseemedtobehealing,itseemedasifminewerecomingoutwithafieryvengeance.Ilovedher,butIwastoomuchofamonstertodeservetoloveher.

Bella'sPOV:

Ifelttruehappinessflowthroughmyveinsandseteverynerveonfire.Istillhadproblemstodealwith,butwithEdwardnexttome,IfeltlikeIcouldtakeonthewholeworld.He'sbeenwithmebeforeIevenmethim.IfellinlovewithhismusicanditwastheonlytimeIwaseverabletobecompletelyvulnerableandopenandyet,Icouldalwaysfeelcompletelycomfortable.Now,IwasluckyenoughtomeetEdward,andbetherecipientofhisdevotion.Hewastoogoodtobetrue.

Thesoundofthedooropeningsnappedmebacktoreality.IturnedandimmediatelysmiledwhenIsawEdwardrunahandthroughhismessybronzehair.Heraisedhiseyesandlockedmeinhisgaze.Heclosedhiseyes,tookabreathandthensuddenlyIwasbeingpulledintohisarms.

"Fuckit."Iheardhimmummer.WarmthseepedfrommychestthroughoutmyentirebodyandIreveledinthatfeelingofprotectionandsafetyhisarmsgaveme.Hisnosewaspressedagainstmyhairandneck,andIfeltgoosebumpsrisewherehisbreathtouched.

"Getaroom!"IheardEmmetttease.Edward'sbodyshookwithachuckleandIcouldn'thelpbutlaughaswell.

"Guys,Ithinkweshouldallgo.Wedidn'thavearealreasontomeethereanyway."Bensuggested.Angelanoddedinagreement.

Weallgotreadytoleave,butasIbegantowalkoutthedoor,Edwardgrabbedthesleevetomyjacket.

"Doyouthinkit'dbeokayifIcamebacktotheschoolwithyou?AlicewillbeheadingovertoourplaceandI'dliketobealonetotalkwithyouaboutsomething."Edwardasked.HisvoiceheldadifferenttonethanearliersoIdidn'tthinkwewouldbetalkingaboutmywholepersonallifeondisplaything.

"Sure."Ianswered.

WesaidourgoodbyestoeveryonebeforeEdwardandIdrovetothecollegedorms.

"I'mkindofexcitedtoseeyourroom."Edwardteased.Ilaughedandparkedmytruck.

"I'mgladIcleanedityesterday.Alicedoesn'tseemtohaveaproblemlivinginadirtyroombutIdo."WebothlaughedandIlookedaroundtoseeifanyonewasaround.

Ididn'twanttoriskEdwardgettingnoticed.Thankfully,noonewasout.

"Hereweare."IsaidasIopenedthedoor.

IwatchedEdward'sfaceashelookedaroundourdorm.Itwasamixofwonderandamusement.

"I'mguessingthesidewithallofthepinkandlaceisnotyours,right?"Heasked,asmirkonhisface.

Irolledmyeyesandthrewmyselfontopofmybed,whichwasdarkbluecotton,theexactoppositeofpinklace.IlookedupatEdwardthroughthetendrilsofhairthathadflownovermyeyes.Helookeddownatme,andsmiled.Ipattedthespacenexttome,andhegotamischievousglintinhiseyes.

Hesuddenlyleaneddown,hisarmsoneithersideofme,beforepushinghimselfovermeandontotheothersideofthebed,draggingmewithhim.Iendedupsnuggledupagainsthischest.Isquealedatthequicknessatwhichhehadmoved,andthenlaughedwhenhesigheddeeplyandnuzzledhisfaceinmyneck.

"Thisfeelsnice."Hemurmured.Icouldonlymewlinagreement.

Westayedinthatpositionforafulltenminutesbeforehesuddenlytensed,andbreatheddeeply.

"SotherewassomethingIwantedtotalktoyouabout."Hestartedhesitantly.Ifeltmyselfgettinganxiousatthetoneinhisvoice.

"Yeah?"Heranonehandthroughhishair,thensatup,bringingmeupwithhimsothatIwasrightnexttohim.

"So...earlier,whentheguysandIwereplaying,Istartedthinking."Hebegan.Hisfacelookedpained."Imean,wewrotethatsongwhenwewereinhighschool,andthelyricsreallycamefromJasper'spointofview,buttoday....Ijustsuddenlyfeltsomething,andIthinkIreallyneedtotellyou."

Istaredathimwarily,andInoticedthattoday,hewastheonewholookedundeniablyvulnerable.Hiseyeswerehaunted.

"Bella,Icareaboutyou.Alot.Ican'tevenbringmyselftosayhowmuchIdo.I

just...IfeellikeIwon'tbeabletolookyoustraightintheeyes,untilyouknowthis."

Whateverhewastryingtosaywasstartingtoscareme.Hereallydidseemasifhecouldn'tlookintomyeyes.Helookedeverywherebutme.

"What'swrong?"Iasked.

"Bella,whenIwasseventeenyearsold,myparentsdiedinahead-oncollision."Hesaidquickly.Isawhisfacewinceandhecringedasifthewordswerestabbinghim.

Iknewhisparentsweregone,butthewayhesaidit,mademethinktherewasmoretothestory.Ididn'tknowhowtorespond.

Edwardbreatheddeeply,andfinallylookedatme.Igasped.Hiseyesglistenedwithunshedtears,therimswerebrightred.Hisfacewascontortedinheartbreak.

"I'msorry,Edward."Iwhispered.IwishIcoulddosomethingtomakethosetearsgoaway.Ithurtmetoseehimlikethis.Hewasalwayssolightandhappy.Itwaswrongtoseehimsad.

"Bella,youdon'tunderstand."Hisvoicebroke.

Helookedsoscaredatwhathewasgoingtosaynext.Hisbodywastense,likehewasbracinghimselfforsomeintensereaction.IfeltmybreathingspeedupasItookinhisentirebody.Hereallydidlookterrified.Hishandswereclutchingthebedsheets,theskinoverhisknucklestaughtandwhite.Thelineofmuscleinhisforearmwasprominentandstretchedsotight,thatitwaseasytotellthatitwasphysicallyhurting.

Icouldn'tspeak,buthistorturedeyesreadtheconfusioninmine.Hetookadeep,shakybreath.Hiseyesboreintomine.

"Itwasmyfault.Icausedtheirdeath."

Theroomstartedspinning.Icouldn'tbreathe.Whatdidhemean?Edwardwasn'tlikethat.Hewasagoodperson.Hecouldn't.....kill.

Ikepttryingtothinkofsomething,anything,tosay,butIcouldn't.Strangledsoundsofconfusionflutteredfrommylips.

Ifelthorrible,butIcouldfeelaninvoluntaryresponseoffear.IwasscaredofEdward.

Henoticedmecringe,andhiseyeswatchedmymovement,asifheknewitwas

coming.

"Whatareyou...."Icouldn'tfinish.Iwantedtoknowwhathewastalkingabout.IrefusedtobelievethatEdwardcouldbeabadguy.Hewasn't.Butwhatifhewas.Itrustedhimwithmylife.CoulditbepossiblethatthatisthebiggestmistakeI'veeverhad?

"Iwasseventeenyearsold....."Hestarted.


Iknowit'sbeensolong!I'msorry.Usually,IusewhateversparetimeIhavetowrite,butforthepasttwomonths,I'vebeenhavingtouseextratimetofinishreadingassignmentsforschool.Sorry!I'malsoreallysorryforthecliffhanger,butthinkaboutit,doyoureallythinkIwouldmakeEdwardabadguy?

Anyways,thesonginthischapterisSongInMyHeadby:Sherwood.I'lltrytogetthenextchapterupdatedalittlebitsooner,butwhoknows.ChaptersmaybeshortersothatIcangetthemupsoonerthanitwouldtakeifIweretowriteatwelvepagechapter.

WhoIAmHatesWhoI'veBeen

Disclaimer:IownacopyoftheTwilightseriesbutIsadlydonotlegallyowntheactualTwilightseries.

Edward'sPOV:

"Iwasseventeenyearsold..."Istarted.

Flashback:

"HeyEdward!"Myfriend,Davidcalledasherandownthehallwaytomeetmeatmylocker.

"Yeah?"Iasked,puttingupmytextbookandshuttingmylockerclosed.

"GuesswhojustgotaninvitetoStacey'spartytonight.Us!Staceytoldmetotellyou,causeIthinkshe'sgotalittlethingforyou.Anyways,pleasetellmeyourgoingsowecangotogether."Heseemedtoexcitedformetorejecthim.

Ididn'tliketogooutandpartyliketherestofthehighschoolpopulation,butlately,classesandworkseemedtobestressingmeoutwaytomuch.Anightoutmightturnouttobeagoodnight.

"Sure."Isaid.Ididn'teventhinkaboutaskingmyparents.Ineverwentoutanywhere,therewasnowaytheywouldbeabletotellmeno.


"No."Mymomtoldme.

"Whatthehell?Mostofthetime,yourpracticallybeggingmetogooutandactlikeanormalteenager,andwhenIfinallywanttogotoaparty,yousayno!"Iyelled.Thiswasn'tfairandsheknewit.Iwasgoingtothatstupidpartywhethershelikeditornot.

"YourfatherandIaregoingouttodinnertonightforouranniversaryandwedon'wanttobeinterruptedwithanycalls.Nottomention,IknowaboutthelegendarypartiesStaceyMeadowsthrows,andthereisnowayyourgoing.They'realwaysheldwayoutsidecitylimits,andtheroadswillbeicyanddangeroustonight."Mymotherstated,asifitwasthemostlogicalthingintheworld.

"IalreadytoldDavidI'dbethere!It'snotfair,andyouknowit.Iworkhard,I'minthe

topfiveperfectatschool,Inevergetintoanytrouble,theleastyoucandoistrustmetogo!"

"Don'ttryandpullthatcardwithme,Edward!YouknowverywellthatItrustyou,butthereisnowayyourgoingtothispartytonight!Endofdiscussion!"Shefinishedwithaharshtone.Shehadthatlookonherfacethattellsyoushe'snolongerthenice,andcoolmom,buttheauthoritativeparentalfigure.

"Whatiswithallthisyelling?"Myfatherasksasheenterstheroom,probablyjustgettingbackfromwork.

Idonothingbutpushmywaypasthim,andslamthedoorshut.Iwasgoingtothatstupidpartywhethermyparentslikeditornot.


"Edward,we'releavingnow."Mymomcalledoutthroughthedoor.

"Goaway!"IyelledasIcontinuedfuminginmyroom,alsorandomlygrabbingsomeclothestowear.

"Edward,justcomesaygoodbyetous.Youractingchildish."Myfathersaidcalmly.

"Yeah,wellmaybeit'sabouttimeIdosomethingmyownage.I'mtobusyallthetimetryingtobeagoodchild,somaybealittledisobediencewouldbehealthy!"Iyellback.IswipeacombthroughmyhairrealquickeventhoughIknowit'suseless.Oncemyparentsaregone,I'llswingbyDavid'shouse,pickhimup,andthendrivetotheparty.

Icouldhearmyparentssighinfrustrationontheothersideofthedoor.

"Okay."Iheardmymomsay.Forasplitsecond,Ifeltastabofguilt.Tonightwastheiranniversaryandshesoundedupsetoverourfight.

"Weloveyou."ShecroakedsoftlybeforeIheardtheirfootstepsleaving.

TheyshouldhavebeenabletotellIwouldbesneakingout.Maybetheyshouldhavetakenawaymycarkeys,butIneverdidanythingwrong.Theytrustedme.Iwasgoingtobreakthattrustnow.

"Getoverit."Imutteredangrilytomyself.IfIstartedthinkingaboutit,Iwouldenduptalkingmyselfaboutofgoing.

IpickedupmyphoneanddialedDavid.

"Hello?"Heaskedafterpickinguponthefirstring.

"I'monmyway."IsaidasIclosedthedoortomybedroom.


"I'msogladyoucouldmakeit!"StaceyMeadowssquealedassheranthroughthecrowdandpracticallyjumpedme.

Somemightconsidermealuckyguy.Themostbeautifulandsoughtaftergirlinourschoolhadacrushonme.Manygirlsdid,actually.Noneoftheminterestedme,though.Imean,Iwasinhighschool.Findingloveinhighschoolwasaveryunlikelyeventinmyopinion,andIrefusedtotakeoutgirlsunlessIwasactuallyinterestedinthem.Sure,Ihaven'tevenhadafirstkissyet,butIwasraisedtoknowthatthingslikekisseswereintimateandtheyshouldonlybesharedwithsomeoneyouactuallylike.Iwasn'tgoingtogoandkisssomerandomgirlwhenIcouldhavetheprivilegeofsomedaykissingthegirlofmydreams.

"Yeah,great-uhmparty,Stacey."IsaidslowlyasIpriedheroffofme.

AsIlookedaroundthough,Isawnoappealinthesceneinfrontofme.Therewasagroupdrinkinginonecornerthatwasalreadycompletelyplastered,andtherewasanothergroupintheothercornerthatwassmokingsomething.Inthemiddleoftheroom,therewasnothingbutahumantangleofsweatyandgrindingbodies.

Therewasdefinitelynothingappealingaboutthis.

"Thanks!"Staceyrepliedecstaticallybeforechasingafteraguywhowaspassingoutdrinks.

"Man,thisisawesome!"Davidexclaimednexttome.

"Right."Igruntedsarcastically.Hemadenonoteofit,andranintothenextroom.

FiguringImightaswellenjoythisafterallthetroubleI'dcaused,Ifollowedthecrowdintothekitchenandpickedupadrink.Ibeganliftingthecuptomylipswhenapangofguiltwentthroughme.Thiswasstupid.AllIwasdoingwasrebellingagainstmyparentsbecauseIhadneverbeentold"no."

Iputdownthedrink,disgustedwithit,butmostlydisgustedwithmyself.Ilookedoutthewindowandsawthesunhadsetanditwasnowcompletelydark.AsnowstormseemedtobewaitingtoinvadeandIdidn'twanttobestuckinthishousewhenit

finallyhit.

WithouteventhinkingaboutDavid,Ipushedmyselfthroughthestiflingcrowd,andlefttheloudmusic,plasteredteenagers,andstupiditybehindme.

Theicywindhitmyfaceandleftmestunnedforamoment.WhenIrecovered,IrantomycarandturnedontheheaterassoonasIturnedthekey.

Icouldn'tleavefastenoughasIsteppedonthegasandpeeledoutoftheir.Noonewouldnoticemydeparture.

IshouldhavepaidattentiontohowfastIwasgoing.IfIhadlooked,IwouldhavenoticedIwasgoing30milesoverthespeedlimit.Ididn'tevennoticethatthethesnowhadstartedtofall,andthewindwashowling.

Outofnowhere,Ihitapothole.Theroadswerealreadyslightlyslick,andmytirescouldn'tfindpurchaseonthesmoothsurface.

Inasecond,mycarranofftheroad,intotheditchparalleltoit.Thecarbegantotumble.

Iwasincompleteshock,Icouldn'tregisterwhenmyheadcrackedintothewindownexttome,orwhentheglassofmywindshieldshattered,andglassflewintomyface,slicingmelikebutter..Mybodyscreamedinpain,andmyvoicefinallyfounditselfandbegantoletoutyelpsoffear.

Theclothoftheseatbeltdugsotightlyintomyneckandchest,thatIbegantofeelthestingofacut.Myheadonceagaincrackedagainstthewindow,andsleepbeckonedmeasdarknessbegantoencaseme.Thecarfinallyfoundflatland,anditteeteredbeforeslammingdown,crushingallthewindows,andmylungsintheprocess.

Adrenalinepumpedfastinmyveinsandfoughthardtokeepmeawake.Isputteredandcoughed,tryingtoswallowdowngaspsofair.Ihadthesensetoreachtentativelydown,thoughmywristscreamedintheprocess.Finally,Ifoundtheclickoftheseatbelt,andpusheddown.Theceilingofthecarcamerushingtomeetmyheadinanotherdeadlyblow.Sleeponceagainbeckonedme.Mywholebodyfoldedaroundme,andIdraggedmyselfoutoftheshatteredwindow.Inmyhazyvisionthatwasblurringanddoubling,Icouldmakeoutthevividcolorofbloodanddirtstainingmyhands.Theshardsofglassleftonthegroundcutintomyskin,butIpaidnomindtoit.Ihadtostayawake.

Somehow,bysomemiracle,Ireachedmyphone.Ithoughtofdialing911,andI

shouldhave.Itwastheonlysensiblethingtodo.However,mymindwaspreoccupiedrightnow.Icalledthefirstnumberonmylist.

"Hello?"Myfather'svoiceanswered,probablysoundingannoyed.Soundsweremeltingtogether,becomingnothingbutdronesofnoise.

"Dad....Iwenttothe....party.....I.....crashed-"Icouldn'tfinish.Sleepwascreepingoverme,waitingforasecondofweaknessbeforeitwouldenvelopme,andlockmeawayinit'sdarknessforever.

Iwaslosing.

"Edward!We'reonourway!I'mcalling911!Juststaywhereyouare!"HisfranticvoicewasthelastthingIheard.

Sleephadwon.

Iwaslostinthehazyworldbetweenunconsciousnessandbeingalertforwhatseemedlikeforever.WhenIcouldseetheflashinglightsapproachingme,Iletgoofthatlaststringofconsciousness.

Theparamedic'svoicewasthelastthingIheard.

XXXXXXxXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Aballoflightwascontinuouslymovingacrossmyface,flashingbehindmyclosedeyelids.Itightenedmyeyesautomatically,tryingtoshutmyselfofftocompletedarknessagain.

"Mr.Cullen?Areyouawake?"Aman'svoiceasked.Iheardgaspsofreliefinthebackground.

MylipswerecrackedandunbearablydryasItriedtoanswer.Astrawwasplacedinbetweenmylips,andIeagerlysuckedupthewater.

Assoonasthecoldwaterenteredmybody,Ifeltslightlybetter.Iopenedmyeyes.

Ahospital.That'swhereIwas.Amiddle-ageddoctorstoodinfrontofme,holdingthelightthathadbeenflashinginmyeyes.Imovedmylineofsight,andcaughtthefacesofmyauntEsme,anduncleCarlisle.Bothlookedasiftheyhadn'tsleptindays.

"Doyourememberanything?Doyouknowwhyyou'rehere?"Themanasked.

Flashesoftumblingcolorsranthroughmymind.

"I....crashed."Ianswered.

"Good."Themansaidtohimself.

"Now,canyoutellmehowoldyouare?"

"Seventeen."Ianswer.

"Whatisyourname,andwhoareyourparents?"

"EdwardMasen.MyparentsareElizabethandEdwardSr."Aloudsobrippedthroughtheroom,andIlookedtoseeEsmechokebacktearsandburyherheadinCarlisle'sshoulder.Tearsshinedinhiseyes.

"Youareoneluckyboy,Edward.Afterreadingyoureportandseeinginjuriestothehead,Ithoughtyoumightbeendangerofalethalconcussion.However,youhavebeeninaminorcomaforaweekandahalf."Thedoctorlookedasifhewasgoingtocontinueexplaining,butmyuncle'shoarsevoiceinterrupted.

"Doctor,doyoumindifwe....haveapersonalmomentwithEdward?"Heasked.

Sympathyflashedinthedoctor'seyes.

"Sure."Heansweredbeforeleavingtheroom.

Esmecontinuedcryingandhidingherfaceinherhands.Carlislewalkedtotheedgeofmybed.

IaskedwhathadbeenbuggingmesinceIhadwokenup.

"Where'smomanddad?"

Carlisle'sfacecrumpledinpain.Myheartfroze.

"Theyweredriving...tocomeandfindyou.....Theroadswereslick...adrunkdriver....lostcontrolofhiscar....andhittheircar.....They.....died..onimpact."

Myworldbeganspinning.Theywere...gone.Myparents...didn'tevenexistanymore.Dead.Gone.

Hottearsstungmyeyes,andIsearchedCarlisle'sface,hopingthatitwasonlyasickjoke.ButCarlislewouldneverjokeabouthisyoungersister.

Theyweregone.Icouldn'tbreathe.Theyweredead.Theroomwasspinning.Everythingwasbleedingintogether.

Itwasmyfault.Ihadcalledthem,Ihadbeenspeeding,Ihadsnuckout,Ihaddisobeyedthem.

Myparentsweredeadanditwasmyfault.

XXXXXxXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

EndFlashback

"Forweeks,Iwascatatonic.AllIcouldthinkaboutwashowmuchofamonsterIwas.IfIhadn'tbeenastupid,stubborn,andspoiledkid,Myparentswouldbealiverightnow.Ipracticallysentthemofftotheirdeath."

Bella'sPOV:

Tearscascadeddownhischeeksandsplashedonthemattressbeneathhim.Ihadnoideawhattodo.TohaveaburdenlikethatalwaysgnawingatyouwassomethingIcouldn'tevenimagine.IwantedtocomfortEdwardandsaythathisparent'sdeathwasnothisfault.Iwantedtotellhimthatitwasthedrunkdriverwhohadkilledthem.

Iknew,though,thatEdwardwouldnotlethimselfbelieveotherwise.Icouldrelate.Anyonecould.Tohavesomethingbeyourfault,andtowishwithallyourmighttobeabletogobackintimeandrelivethemomentdifferently,sothatthey'recouldbeadifferentoutcome.Theguilthadtobemaddening.

IdidtheonlythingIbelievedIcould.

Ireachedforwardandlaidmyhandontopofhisshoulder.Hebecamemoretense.Iletmyotherhandwanderupandranthroughhishairperiodically.ImovedmyselfascloseasIcouldtohim,thenjustletinstincttakeover.

Edward'sPOV:

Iswalloweddowntheurgetoscreamandreachedup,catchingBella'shand.Nodoubt,thiswouldbethelastIwouldseeofher.

"Youhavetoletgoofthat,Edward?"Iheardhervoicesay."Youcan'tkeepblamingyourself.Itwasnothingbutbadtiming."

Howcouldshebelievethat?

"Itismyfault."Istarted."Ididn'tevenwanttogotothatstupidpartythatmuchinthefirstplace.IwasjustsousedtogettingwhatIwanted,thatwhentheytoldmeno,Irebelled.IfIhadstayedhome,myparentswouldhavegonetodinner,enjoyedtheiranniversary,andcomebacksafeandsound.Iwasbeingastupid,stubbornkid.Iusedtobedisgustedwithkidswhorebelledagainsttheirparents.Icouldneverunderstandwhytheycouldn'tcomprehendhowmuchtheirparentslovedthem,likeminedid.Thatnight,Iturnedintooneofthosesnobs.Theywouldn'tbedeadifitwasn'tforme."

Therewasanunbelievablyheavypressurespreadinginmychest,andIwaitedforBellatoleave.Ishouldhavetoldherthetruthinthefirstplace.Shethoughtshewasmessedup.Wrong.Itwasme.

"I'mnotleaving,Edward."Iheardhersay.Myheartskippedabeat.

"Icanunderstandhowyouseethisasyourfault,butdoyoureallythinkyourparentswouldwantyoutofeellikethis?Thinkaboutthatdrunkdriverwhohadhitthem.Ifhecares,don'tyouthinkthathefeelsthesamewayyoudo?I'msureyourparentsmusthavefeltbadthemselveswhentheyfoundouthowupsetyouwereabouttheparty.Youcan'tblamethisallonyourself.Itwasjustbadtiming."

Ibegantoshakemyhead.Iglancedupandmetherchocolateeyes.

"ButifIhadn't-"Shestoppedme.

"Iknow."Shestated,eyesshining.Icouldfeelreliefswellinsidemyself."Butit'soveranddonewith.Beatingyourselfupoveritisn'tgoingtochangeanything.Justthinkaboutyourparents.Thinkaboutyourauntanduncle.Theydon'twantyoutoblameyourself.Yourparentshadbeendrivingtocomegetyoubecausetheylovedyouandwantedyoutobeabletoliveyourlife.That'swhatyouhavetodorightnow,becausethat'swhattheywouldhavewantedandyouknowit."

ThesilencearoundusthickenedasItriedtoprocesseverything.

"You'reright."

AsIfinallyallowedmyselftogazeoverBella,Ifeltwarmthinvademyentirebody.Itwaslikesomecorny,overhypedchickflick,butIcouldn'thelpwhatIblurtedout.

"Iloveyou."


'causeIdon'twantyoutoknowwhereIam'causethenyou'llseemyheartinthesaddeststateit'severbeen.

Thisisnoplacetotryandlivemylife.

Stoprightthere.That'sexactlywhereIlostit.Seethatline.WellInevershouldhavecrossedit.Stoprightthere.WellInevershouldhavesaidthatit'stheverymomentthatIwishthatIcouldtakeback.


Somuchformeupdatingearlier,huh?IshouldstopmakingpromisesthatIcan'tkeep.=/

Anyway,songinthischapterisWhoIAmHatesWhoI'veBeen(acoustic)by:RelientK.IwentcrazyforDAYStryingtofindagoodsongforthischapter!So,thisissomeinterestingdevelopment.Allthedramaisgettingtome!Nextcoupleofchapterswillbealothappier...causethenafterthat,it'sbacktothedrama.

News!Mybirthdaywasacoupleweeksago,andI'mfinally16!….Uhg,Ihatethesoundofthat,makesmefeelsoyoungandnaive......Itfits,causeIam=D

AmazeMe

Disclaimer:AnythingTwilightrelatedisownedbyStephenieMeyer,notme

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bella'sPOV:

"I'll...uhm...callyoutomorrow,then?"Edwardaskedaswewalkedthroughtheparkinglottohiscar.

"Ofcourse."Ianswered,stilllookingatmyfeet.Iheardthebeepasheunlockedhiscar,andthenthedooropened.

"I'msorryIcouldn'tsayitback,Edward."Ifinallysaidafteraminuteofjuststandingthere.

"Don'tbe."Hesaid,acrookedsmileinplace.

"Ididn'texpectyouto.Atthatmoment,Ijustfeltthisoverwhelmingneedtotellyou.Itwasunrealtome."

Ifeltmyheartplummettomystomach.

"Soyou...didn'tmeanit?"Iasked,myfacestoic.Although,Icouldn'tsayitback,ithadfeltheavenlytohearhimsayit.

Achuckleescapedfromhislips.

"OfcourseImeantit."Hesaid,voicegentle.Hismolteneyesweremeltingme."Ijustmeantitwasunreal,asin,itwassomethingthatyouthoughtonlyexistedindreams.Soundscheesy,Iknow,butitwasamazing."

Theconfidentnoteinhisvoicemademelightheaded.Hewasleaningonhisopencardoor,chinrestingonhisfoldedarms.Hewastheepitomeofperfect.Windblowinghishairintoasensuousmess,eyespenetratingandsoulful,andhewasofferingeverythingtome.

"I'llseeyoulater."Itoldhim.Heofferedmeanotherbeautifulcrookedsmilebeforeleaningoverthecardoorandgivingmeachastekiss.

Iwatchedasthecardroveaway.


Edward'sPOV:

Isteppedontoourhotelfloorwiththecheesiestsmileever.IknewBella'sskeletons,andsheknewmine.

AndIlovedher.

Iusedtolaughatthecheesymoviesthatwouldhavethecouplefallhopelesslyinlovenotevenamonthafterknowingeachother.Ihadthoughtthatwasridiculous.Ihadthoughtthatlovewassomethingattainabletoonlythosewhohadknowneachotherforyearsinadvance.Ithoughtlovewasnearlyimpossible,andonlyafewpeoplecouldfeelthetruemeaningoflove.WhatIfelt,hadtobeit.Itwasoverwhelming,andpassionate,andsotrue.

"What'swiththegoofysmileonyourface?"Jasperaskedashecameoutofhisroom.

"Couldacertainbrown-hairedbeautyhaveanythingtodowithit?"Myuncle'svoiceaskedashecameoutofJasper'sroomcarryinganewspaper.

Hisfacewashard,asifhewastryingtoactmad,butIcouldseeamusementandhappinessinhiseyes.

"Yup."Ianswered,thenbegantowalktomyroom.Iknewmyunclewouldfollowmefordetails,andifIknewmyauntEsme,thenshewouldprobablybe-

"Hey,honey."Shegreeted,asshesatonmybedreadingoneofmybooks.

Yup,Iknewshe'dbethere.

"Whydidn'tyoutellusabouther?"Carlisleaskedashejoinedmyauntonmybed.

AsI'vesaidbefore,CarlislehadalwaysbeenmoreinterestedinmylovelifethanIhad.HehadalwaysfeltthathappinessinlovewouldmakeupforanypainIfeltovermyparents.Iguesshewassortofright.

"CauseIknewyouwouldbugthehelloutofme,andIalsowanttokeepBellatomyselfaslongaspossible."ItoldhimwithasmirkasIploppeddownonmyleathersofa.

"Tellusabouther."Esmestated,eyessparkling.

"She'samazing."Istarted,gettingreadytocontinuefortheentirenight.


2MONTHSLATER

"Comeon,Bella,hurryupbeforemyauntandunclegethere."Iwhispered-yelled.

AliceandBellawereofficiallyoutforsummer.Theyhadspentthenightinmyroom,whileIsleptonthefloorofJasper'sroom.IwouldhavelovetosleepinthesamebedwithBella,butIhonestlydidn'ttrustmyself.

Afterthemushygushystageoffirstloveleft,itwasreplacedwith...lust.Mytwenty-twooldmindhadfinallycaughtupwithme.

Bella,ofcourse,hadnoclueofthis.Howappropriatewouldthatbe?Bellahadaterrifyingalmost-sexualexperiencewhenshewasyounger,andI'msureshedidn'twantmelustingafterher.

"Coming."Shesaidback.

Twosecondslater,sheemergedfrommyroomwearingtornjeans,converse,andabluebaseballt-shirt.Beautiful.Ismiledcrookedly,touchedherlipswithmine,thengrabbedherhand.

"Let'sgo."

I'dbeendyingtogetheraloneforalongtimenow.WhenCarlisleandEsmefirstmetBella,theyseemedtoconstantlystealherfromme.Thestudiowasnohelpsinceitwasjustbusinessandeditingthetracksforthenewalbumthatwouldbereleasedsoon.Therewasnorealchancesoftakingheroutonadate,causethepaparazziweregoingcrazyoverus.

BellaandIhadreleasedastatement,alongwithAliceandJasper,confirmingourrelationships,butinsistingthatBella'spastwasprivateandwasnotrelevanttoourrelationship.Thankfully,theywerebackingoffsinceweweren't"new"newsanymore.

"Wherearewegoing?"Bellaasked.Westeppedinsidetheelevatorandpushedthebuttonforthelobby.

"It'sasurprise."Itoldher.Shegotthatannoyedlookinhereyes.Shehatedsurprises.

"You'llloveit."Ireassuredher.

"Ifyousayso..."Sherepliedwarily,stilleyingmesuspiciously.

"Idosayso."Irepliedcheekily.Shesmirkedbeforechucklingandfixatinghereyesontheelevatordoor.

Whenitopened,Ifroze.

"Sneakingout?"Rosaliesaid,hereyesgleamingwithhumorandevil.

WhenBellahadmetRosalieforthefirsttime,itwasquiteinteresting.AsI'vesaidbefore,Rosalieisnotabitch.Sheissimplyblunt,andintimidating.ShetookaninstantlikingtoBella,butjustliketherestofherfriends,shelovedtoembarrassandteaseherevenmore.

Aweekago,Rosaliecaughtontomylustfulinner-conflict.Needlesstosay,she'shadatremendousamountoffunhintingatitwithsexual-relatedjokes.Shewasevil.Agreatfriend,butevil.

"I'llgiveyoutwentybucksifyoudon'ttellanyone."Iblurtedout.IfEmmettandJasperfoundoutwhereIwastakingBella,theywouldinsistoncomingalong,andunintentionallyruinmyalonetimewithBella.

Bellaturnedtomewithaconfusedandbemusedlookonherface.Rosaliebeamedinamusement.

"IamHollywood'smostsoughtafteractresswhomakesrecord-settingblockbusters,andyourtryingtobribemewithonlytwentydollars?"Sheaskedincredulously,raisinghereyebrows.

Ifeltmyhope,face,andmoreimportantly,myegodeflate.

"Oh,getoveryourself.Ipersonallydonotcarewhereyouguysaregoing,norwillIratyouout.Iwillhowever,takethattwentybucks."Shefinished,holdingouthermanicuredhand.

Irolledmyeyes,gaveherthemoney,andpulledBellaoutthedoorwithme.


Bella'sPOV:

"Wherearewe?"Iasked.

"IntheUnitedStatesofAmerica."Heansweredsmugly,hiscrookedsmilecomingintoplace.

"Youcheekybastard."Imuttered.Thatgotadeepchuckleoutofhim,whichIclosedmyeyesto.IwassoincrediblycomfortablewithhimthatitwashardtobelieveIhad...issues.

Itwashardtobelievemostofthetime,sinceAliceandIwereclosernow,thanever.IwasgettingtobereallyeasygoingaroundbothJasperandEmmett.Istilldidn'tlikehugs,oranything,becausetheyseemedtointimateinmyopinion(inotherwords,theyweresomethingIonlywantedtosharewithEdward),buttouchingingeneralwasbecomingaloteasier.Inolongerhadaconstanttensepostureorcontinuousshotsofadrenalinefloodingmynerves.

Therewas,however,theproblemaboutEdward'sconfessiontwomonthsago.Itmademeunbelievablyhappyeverytimeheutteredthosewordstome,butIhadnoideaifI'deverbeabletoreciprocatehisfeelings.HowonearthwasIsupposedtoknowwhatlovewas?

Regardlessofmyconfusion,thelasttwomonthshavebeengreat.IwasfinallyintroducedtotheinfamousRosalieHale(Ihadbeenalittlestartstruck),andCarlisleandEsme.Rosaliewasgreat,sheruthlesslyteasedmeallthetime,butI'vealreadypickedupthatpokingfunatpeoplewasinhernature,anditmademefeelsomewhatacceptedtosufferherfriendly,yetmortifyingjokes.

"We'rehere!"Edwardsuddenlyexclaimed,snappingmeoutofmyreverie.

Iturnedmyhead,andIfeltarushofpleasurableadrenalineandexcitement.

"Paintball!"IwasoutofthatcarandinfrontoftheentrancebeforeEdwardeventookofhisseatbelt.

"Excited?"Heaskedashecaughtupwithme,hissignaturesmirkonlips.

"Shutup."Iretorted."Ihaven'tplayedsinceIstartedcollege.Charlie'spoliceforcewouldalwaysholdafamilyget-togetherattheendofeverymonth,andsurprisingly,everyonealwayswantedtogopaint-balling."

"Doesthatmeanyouranygood?"Edwardasked,hiseyesbrighteningasifthenewsreallyexcitedhim.

Ismirked,rememberinghowCharlieandIalwayswon.CharlieandIweren'ttheclosest,butwedefinitelyhadaperfectrhythmwhenitcametopaintballing.

"Idon'tknow.Maybe."Iteased,steppingforwardastheworkeratthegateledustotheequipment.

EdwardandIknewwhattodo,andwerebothgearedupinnotime.Excitementcoursedthroughmybody.NotonlywasIgonnabeabletoplaymyfavoritegame,butIwasalsogoingtogettoshowEdwardmyamazingskills.IwantedtoshowhimIwasn'tcompletelyvulnerableanddefenseless.Icouldtakecareofmyself.

"Ready?"Hesmirked.Ilovedthatlookinhiseyes.Itmeanthewasn'tgoingtogoeasyonme.Hismalepridewasatstake,andhewasn'tgoingtoletmecrushitsoeasily.

Littledidheknowitwouldbealltoeasyformetocrush.

"Yup."IpoppedtheP.

Sendinghimonelastplayful,yetseriousglance,Iranofftomysideandthegamebegun.


"Ouch.Ouch.Ouch.Ouch."Edwardwheezedoverandoveragainaswewalkedtoaconcessionstandatthesideofthecourse.

Ireallydidfeelbadforhurtinghim,butatthesametime,Icouldnotstopgiggling.

"Stoplaughing."Hegaspedoutasdoubledoveragain.Thesightofhimmademeburstoutlaughingevenmore.

"That'swhatyouget!Youpurposelyaimedatmybutt!Doyouknowhowawkwardit'sgonnabetohaveabruiseonmybutt?"Iretorted,asIwincedasIsatdownatatable.

"Notasawkwardashavingabruiseonmyballs!"Hegaspedout.Hesatonthetable,thendoubledoveragain."NowI'mprobablynevergoingtohavekids."

"Don'tbesuchababy.Youunderestimatedme."Istuckmytongueout.

"That'strue."Hemumbledtohimself."Nexttime,we'redoingteams,andwe'vegottoplayagainstEmmettandJasper.I'dlovetoseethemgettheirasskickedbyyou."

Ismiled,realizingthatthisunpleasantexperiencewasn'tgoingtokeephimfromplayingwithmeagain.Thatmademeunbelievablyhappy.

"I'msorryItookacheap-shotandbruisedyourbuddies,Edward."Iapologized.Edwardchuckledthen,threwhisarmaroundmyshoulder.

"You'reforgiven.Nowwebothhaveawkwardbruisesthatwe'llrememberforever."

Aneasylaughpouredoutofme,andIfeltablissful,unimaginablewarmthspreadthroughoutme,burningmyfingertips,andshockingeverynerveendinginmybody.

"Wantsomethingtodrink?"Edward'svelvetvoiceasked,pullingmeoutofthatheavenly,overloadingexperience.

"Water,please."Ianswered.Thewarmthwasstillvibrantinmychest,andasIwatchedthecrookedpullofEdward'ssmile,andthenthefluidmotionofhiswalk,itseemedtoimmersemyentirebeing.IfeltlikeIwasonalivewire,butIalsofeltsocomfortableandrelaxedasIwatchedhim.

FeelingasifIwouldlosethatwarmthifhegottofarfromme,Istoodupandfollowedhimtotheconcessionstand.

"Twowaters,please."Hetoldtheworkerbehindthecounter.

Hecaughtmymovementinhisperipheralvision,andheturnedandsmiledagain.Thatheatblazedinmychestagain,andashereachedformyhandtopullmecloser,itexplodedathistouch.

IwassoimmersedinmyconfusionandimmersionofthewarmththatIdidn'tevenacknowledgethefactthatEdwardhadalreadyreceivedandpaidforourwaters,andwasnowpullingmebacktothetable.

Suddenly,twoteenagers,aboyandagirl,approachedus.Irecognizedthelookonthegirl'sface.Star-struck.Imyselfhadfeltthatfeelingmanytimes.

Theywereaboutseventeen,andtheboywithmediumlengthhairwasobviouslymorecomposed,andkeptcastingglancesatthepetitebrunettenexttohim.ThelookhegaveherwasoneI'dseenmanytimes,andyetIcouldn'tunderstandwhatitwas.

I'dseenitontheman'sfaceatthedinermonthsagowhenIrealizedIhadfeelingsforEdward.I'dseenitonallofmyfriend'sfaces,andonCarlisleandEsme'stoo.IsawitonEdward'sfaceeveryday.

Theexpressionwasjustsohappy,asifitwasabsolutebliss.Itmatchedtheburningfeelingsinsideofmerightnow.Mymindachedtounderstandwhatthisfeelingand

whatthatlookmeant.

"You'reEdwardMasen!"Thegirlsuddenlychokedout."Asphyxiatedismyabsolutefavoriteband!"

Itlookedasifshewasstrugglingtotalk,butherarmswereflailingaroundenoughtounderstandthatshewasahugefan.

"Couldwepleasegetanautograph?"Theboyaskedforher,hiseyesbothpleadingandamused.

"Sure."Edwardansweredhappily.Hesmiled,andIcouldhearthegirl'sbreathhitch.Igiggledtomyself,knowingthefeelingofbeingdazzledbythatsmile.

AsEdwardconversedwiththegirl,theboysteppedoutofthewayandstoodnexttome.

"Sorryifweintrudedonyourdate."Heapologized.Thoseinnocentbrowneyesofhismadeitimpossibleformetoevenbetheslightestbitscared,

"Notatall.Wewerejusttakingabreakfromshootingandbruisingeachother."Ianswered.

Theboychuckledandthenlockedhiseyesontheoverjoyedgirl.Edwardandherwereleaningintoeachotherasherarmreachedoutandtookapictureofthemonherphone.

Theysharedapartinghug,thenthegirlgrabbedtheboy'shand,andtheybegantowalkaway.Edwardjoinedmeatmyside,butIwasstillintentlywatchingtheretreatingcouple.

"Thisisthehappiestdayofmylife!"Thegirlexclaimed.

"Darling,Iloveyou,butsometimesyouembarrassme."Theboyrepliedteasingly.

Atthesoundofhiswords,theheatinsidemeblazedagain.

Iloveyou.

Suddenlyeverythingmadesense.Iknewwhatthatexpressionandwhatthisfeelingmeant.Therewerenosecond-guesses.Thiswastherealthing.

Love.IloveEdward.I'minlovewithEdwardMasen.

"Careforanotherround?"Edwardasked,pointingtowardsthecourse.

Iloveyou.

"Ofcourse."Ireplied,asmilespreadingacrossmyface.

AsEdwardgrabbedmyhandandledmetothecourse,theheatblazedinsideme,andmybodytingled.

Iloveyou.Iloveyou.Iloveyou.


"Iknowyou'reclose."Hisvoicetaunted.

IflattenedmyselfagainstthepieceofplywoodIwashidingbehind.Edwardhadalreadyshotmegoodonthebuttagain,andIwasnotgoingtolethimgetmeagain.

IstiffenedwhenIheardhisbreathbehindtheplywood.Iheardhisfootstepsclosetooneedge,gettingreadytoturnaroundthecorner.Iboltedaroundtheothercornerandcaughthimunaware.

Splat!Hotpinkpaintwassplatteredalloverhisbacknow.

Ashecringedfromtheunawareattack,Iranforcover,choosingtohidebehindamassofsewagepipesandplywood.Iwasbreathingheavily,lovingtherushofexcitementcoursingthroughmyveins.Igiggled,thinkingabouthowfunnyitwouldbetohavetoexplaintoeveryonewhyweweregoingtobeallbruisedup.

Suddenly,theendofapaintballgunwaspokingmeintheside.

Ah,damnit.

"Gotcha."Hissultryvoicewhispered.

Hebeganwalkingtostandinfrontofme,aproudsmileonhisface.AllIcouldnoticewasthecloseproximity.Thegunwastheonlythingbetweenus.Mylimbsbecameweak,andmygunloosenedfrommyholduntilitdroppedtotheground.

Edward'sfacechanged.Helookedintomyeyes,registeredthedesireonmyfaceandloweredhisgun.

"Bella?"Heasked,bothconfusedandlonging.

"Edward."Iwhisperedback.Myvoicewaslow,thick,andlacedwithemotion.Staringathim,mystomachtingledandgrewpleasurablywarm.

Imovedthegunoutofourway,andpulledEdwardcloser.Hestaredatmewithhoodedeyes.Hislipsdrewcloser.Myeyesclosedandthesoftnessofhislipstouchedmine.Neverhadoneofhiskissesfeltthisgoodbefore.Itwasasifnotonlyweremylipsreceivingattentionbutsowasmyentirebody.I'dneverfeltthiskindoflongingbefore.Iwantedhimcloser.Ineededtofeelhim.

Ourkissesgrewheavier,andsoonmyhandswerewoundtightinhishair,pullingandgrasping,enjoyingthesoundsthatwouldemitfromEdward'smouthafterIdidso.Edward'shandswereonmylowerback,pullingmeflushagainsthisbody.Theywouldwanderdownbutneverquitemakeitallthewaydown.

Iloveyou.Iloveyou.Iloveyou.Iloveyou.

"Iloveyou."Ibreathedout.Thewordsfeltsorightcomingoutofmymouth.Theyfeltsotrue.

Edwardfrozeandthenpulledbacktoseemyface.Hiseyeswerewideandshocked.

"Whatdidyousay?"Heasked,hisvoicehopeful,yetconfused.

"Iloveyou,Edward."Irepeated.

Hiseyesflashedandgrewbright.Asmallsmilebeganpullingathislips.

"Whatwasthat?Ididn'thearyou."Hesaid,hissmilegrowing.Igiggledandsmiledwithhim.

"Iloveyou."Itoldhim,thenpulledhimflushagainstmeagain.

Thelongingreturned,andourhandswerefranticonceagain.Thekissesweregettingsloppierbutthatwasbecausewecouldn'tgetenoughofeachother.

"Iloveyou,too."Hegaspedout,asIpulledawayandbeganskimminghisthroatandcollarbonewithmylips.

Thosewordsspurredmeon,andIpulledhimtomeonceagain.Ashiskissesbegansendingmoresparksthroughoutmybody,Ibecamefrantic.Myrightlegcameuponit'sownaccordandhitcheditselfagainsthiship.Edwardsuddenlymoaned,andthesoundspurredmeonagain.

Edward'shandssuddenlycuppedthemselvesaroundmybruisedbottom,andIwaslefttowrapmylegsaroundhiswaistashepushedmeupagainstthetangleofpipes.

Asquicklyasithappenedthough,Edwardpulledaway,whenIslightlystiffened.Withmylegsaroundhiswaist,Icouldfeelhisdesire,andastonishmentswelledthroughoutme.Imadehimfeellikethat.

Suddenly,Edwardputmedownandsteppedthreefeetawayfromme.Hisfacewasflushed,andhiseyeswerecastdownwards.

Icaughtmybreath,andthewarmthinthepitofmystomachbegantoextinguishitself.

"What'swrong?"Iasked.Helookedtorn,asifhejustdidaverybadthingandwasgoingtohavetofacetheconsequences.

"I"msosorry."Hisvoicesuddenlyblurtedout."Ishouldn'thavetakenitthatfar.I"msosorry."

Despairwashedoverme.Sohedidn'tlikethathehadfeltthatwayaboutme.Heregrettedit.

"Oh."Iresponded,myvoicevoidofemotion.

Atthesoundofmycoldanswer,Edward'seyessnappedup.

"What'swrong?"Heaskedback,hisvoicefrantic.Hisfacelookedevenmoreself-torturednow.

"Nothing."Ireplied,suddenlyangry.WhythehellshouldEdwardbesojumpyaboutamake-outsession?

"Don'tlietome."Hereplied,hisvoicesuddenlyveryfirmandhard."What'swrong?"

"Nothing!"Iyelled,feelingangerandrejectionrunthroughme."Nothing,exceptthefactthatmyboyfrienddoesn'tevenwanttotouchme!I'msorryifIgetupsetwhenmyboyfriendpullsawayafterahotmakeoutsessionandregretsit!"

Edward'sfacewasastonished."Regretit?"Heasked,asifhewasconfused.

"Justforgetit,"Isaidcoldly,pushingpasthimtoleave.

Hishandgrabbedmyarmandspunmearoundtofacehim.Hisfacewas

determined.

"Bella,Idon'tregretit."Hesaidfirmly."AsashamedasIshouldbeabouttakingitthatfar,Idon'tregretit."

"Oh,soyoushouldbeashamed?GreattoknowthatI'msorepulsivetoyou,Edward."Iseethed,pullingatmyarmtoleaveagain.

Edwardpulledmecloseruntilwewereflushagainsteachotheragain.

"HowcouldyoupossiblythinkthatIfindyourepulsive?"Heasked,incredulous."AllIeverdoisfantasizeaboutyou!Ican'tgetyououtofmyhead!AnymomentI'mwithyou,allIwanttodoispullyouclosetomeandshowyouhowmuchIloveyou!Bella,Idon'tregretit,butI'mtryingtolookafteryou!Idon'twantyoutobeuncomfortableorscaredjustbecauseIcan'tcontrolmyhormones!"

Iwasastonished...andthenangryagain.

"I'mnotsomefragilebaby,Edward.I'msorryifhavingasexually-jackedupgirlfriendisaninconveniencetoyou!"Iyelled.Vaguely,inthebackofmymind,Iwonderedifanyonecouldhearus.

"It'snotaninconvenience!"Heimmediatelydefended."Bella,Iloveyou,andI'dbewillingtowaitforeverifyouneededit.Ijustdon'twanttorushanythingforyou.Iwantyoutobecompletelycomfortablearoundme,nomatterhowintimateweare."

Ifeltmyheartmelt,andmymindsuddenlyregisteredhowdumbthisfightwas.Edward'sfacerelaxedwhenhesawtheangerleavingmyface.

"Sorry."Iapologized."Edward,IjustwantyoutoknowthatI'malwayscomfortablewithyou.You'retheonlypersonwhocanmakemefeelcompletelysafe.Withyou,thereisnonews-worthytraumaticpast.Icanbecompletelynormalwithyou.Youdon'tneedtoworryaboutme."

Edwardwasastonished.Forafullminute,hewasspeechless.Thenhelookedslightlyembarrassed.

"Butifyouweren'tscared,thenwhydidyoustiffenwhen...ah...youfelt...my...youknow."Hisfacewascompletelyredandhiseyeswerecastdownwards.

"Iwasastonished."Iconfessed,myfacered."Icouldn'tbelievethatIcouldmakeyoufeelthatway."

"YoumakemefeelthingsI'veneverfeltbefore."Hereplied,smilingbeforedippingdowntogivemeaquickkiss.

"Samehere."Isaid,smilingathim,andthenIlacedmyfingersthroughhis.Wepickedupourgunsandbeganwalkingbacktotheentrancetoleave.

"Soyou'vefantasizedaboutme?"Iasked,amusedathisembarrassment.

"Shutup."Hemumbled,pullingmecloseragainhisside,whereIfeltcompletelyandutterlysafe.


Youseeincolor.It'sblackandwhiteandcleartome,

thatyou'vegotthesoulandthestrengthIknowIneed.

Whenyouwalkinaroom,itlightsupwithyourlove.

Forthefirsttimeinmylife,Ifeellove'stouch.

Youamazeme,youbreakme,inalltherightplaces.

WhenIlookinthoseeyes,Icanseethefutureinus.

Forthefirsttimeinmylife,that'sfine,yeahit'salright.

Myheartalmostspent,broken,andbent.

There'spiecesontheground,

willyoupickthemup?

Iwaslost,butnowI'mfound.

Youamazeme,youbreakme,inalltherightplaces.

Ilightupwithyourlove.


THEEND

Originally,Ihadalotmoredramaplannedinthisstory.Iprobablyhadliketenmorechaptersplannedout,butthisisagreatplacetoendthestory,andI've

cometorealizethatIhavenopatienceforlongstories.

Sothisistheend.Hopeyouguysenjoyedthisfanfiction.Ifthere'sanymomentsthatyouwishtoreadaboutthatweren'tcovered,goaheadandtellmeandI'llconsiderwritingitasanouttake.MaybeyouwanttoseeEdwardandCharlie'smeeting?Aproposal?AratedTversionofanothermakeoutsession(rememberI'monly16)?

ThesonginthischapterisAmazeMeby:Mother'sAnthem.They'realocalband,butyoucanfindthesongonmywebsite.Linkonmyprofile.

Anyonehaveagoodideaforanepilogue?

you're so much more

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