yoga for grief relief : simple practices for transforming your grieving mind and body
TRANSCRIPT
ldquoLosing a loved one to death pushes us into a series of feelingsbeliefsandbehaviorsthatwetrystronglytoresistThesearepainfulandscaryandwefear that theseexperiencesofourbrokennessmaynever end Antonio Sausys has taken [my] lsquotasks of mourningrsquo andshowshowthesimplepracticesofyogacanhelpusfulfillthesetasksandbringus there-integrationandrelief thatweseekPracticing thewisdom of this ancient mind-body discipline can help the mournerbegintointegrate[hisorher]experiencesafterlossandtore-establishasenseofwholenessrdquo
mdashJ William Worden PhD ABPP author of GriefCounseling and Grief Therapy andChildren and GriefWhenaParentDies
ldquoProvides in-depth understanding of psychosomatic aspects of griefandguidesus throughsomatopsychicmethodsofyogathatempowerustoregainourhealthinnerpeaceandhappinessrdquo
mdashAnanda Balayogi Bhavanani chairman of ICYER atAnanda Ashram Pondicherry India and honoraryinternational advisor to the International Association ofYoga Therapists USA and various Gitananda yogaassociationsworldwide
ldquoWith compassion and clarity Antonio Sausys brings dignity to thegrieving process as he guides you step-by-step through loss totransformationandrebirthHereinliesanimportantroadmapfor thedifficult rite of passage that we all must face at some point in ourlivesrdquo
mdashAnodeaJudithPhD authorofWheels of LifeEasternBodyWesternMind
ldquoIn this bookAntonio shows us his skillfulness as amaster teacherandskilledyogatherapistwhooffersuspracticalandaccessibletoolsto meet the natural process of grieving His years of experience inworkingwith grief through his personal life andworkwith studentsshinesthroughinthisverypragmaticmanualforhowtohealthrough
griefnotbyleavinggriefbehindbutbymovingallthewaythroughitwith love kindness and compassion for ourselves and forwhatwehavelostrdquo
mdashRichardMillerPhDpsychologistmeditationteacherofnondualismandauthorofTheiRestProgramforHealingPTSDandYogaNidraTheMeditativeHeartofYoga
ldquoAlovingapproachtotransforminggriefandlossAntoniorsquosworkisEast-Westwisdomatitsfinestrdquo
mdashLarryPaynePhDfounderofSamataInternationalYogaandHealth Institute coauthor ofYoga forDummies andYogaRxandtheBusinessofTeachingYogaanddirectoratYogaTherapyRxtradeandPrimeofLifeYogatrade
ldquoTheheartofyoga ishere inAntonioSausysrsquoYoga forGriefReliefSausysunderstandsgrieffirsthandaswellasyogarsquoscapacitytohelpus heal from the inside out Trust Sausysrsquo deeply intuitivecompassionate and authoritative voice as he helps you release thebodilyeffectsofgriefguideschanges inyourperceptionandopensyou to greater self-awareness I fully endorse this practice and thisbookrdquo
mdashAmyWeintraubfoundingdirectoroftheLifeForceYogaHealing Institute and author ofYoga forDepression andYogaSkillsforTherapists
PublisherrsquosNoteThispublicationisdesignedtoprovideaccurateandauthoritativeinformationinregardtothesubjectmattercoveredItissoldwiththeunderstandingthatthepublisherisnotengagedinrenderingpsychologicalfinanciallegalorotherprofessionalservicesIfexpertassistanceorcounselingisneededtheservicesofacompetentprofessionalshouldbesought
ExcerptsfromTirukuralfromWEAVERrsquoSWISDOMbySatguruSivayaSubramuniyaswamicopyrightcopy1999SatguruSivayaSubramuniyaswamiReprintedbypermissionofHimalayanAcademyldquoPhysicalAnatomyandthePsychicChakrasrdquo(chart)fromACHAKRAampKUNDALINIWORKBOOKbyJonnMumfordcopyrightcopy1994JonnMumfordReprintedbypermissionofLlewellynPublications
DistributedinCanadabyRaincoastBooksCopyrightcopy2014byAntonioSausysNewHarbingerPublicationsInc
5674ShattuckAvenueOaklandCA94609httpwwwnewharbingercom
CoverdesignbyAmyShoupTextdesignbyTracyMarieCarlsonAcquiredbyJessOrsquoBrienEditedbyMarisaSolisWiththecreativeassitanceofElliottVogelAllRightsReservedePubISBN9781608828203
LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationDataonfile
ThisbookisdedicatedtomymotherOlgaThemisMarunAvisapwhoeveninherpassinggavememoretoolsthanIcancomprehendtobecometheprofessionalIamtodayBytakingmelovinglybythehandaswepiercedtogetherthroughdifficultiesinlifeshepreparedmeforthe
transformationofthegriefherlossleftbehindintowhoIamtoday
HertrustinmeencouragedmetotakeonthisjourneyherrespectfordisciplinegavemegroundsforperseveringwhenindoubtIamawareshediedconcernedaboutnotseeingme
becomethemansheformedTheunstoppableforceofherteachingsisatestamenttohowwhileIdidloseherphysicalpresenceshewillforeverbeweavedintothetapestryofmyheart
WhereveryouareMominwhateverwayyoucanseemehereitishellipThankyouagain
ContentsAcknowledgmentsForewordIntroductionChapter1GriefANormalResponsetoLoss
DefiningGriefTheWesternViewFourTasksofMourningARoadMapfortheGrievingProcessGriefandtheBrain
Chapter2YogaandGriefTheFiveSpokesontheWheelofSufferingGriefrsquosChallengetoSpiritualityLoveBeyondAttachment
Chapter3HowtheYogaforGriefReliefPracticeWorksHowThisPracticeWasBornTheActivePrinciplesofthePracticeHowthePracticeFunctionsasaWhole
Chapter4WhatYouCanDoTheYogaPracticeAcceptingLifeFullyCompleteBreathing(MahatYogaPranayama)UnblockingtheFlowoftheLifeForceEnergyFlowSeries(Pawanmuktasana1)WhiskingUptheFeelingsWindmill(VayuChakramAsana)LetGoAttitudeofDischarging(UtthitaLolasana)SleepBetterandAwakentoaNewPerspectiveConcentratedGazing(Tratak)ControlIsSomehowPossibleAlternate-NostrilBreathing(NadiShodhanaPranayama)BringingCalmtoaScatteredMindandaDistressedBodySelf-RelaxationTechnique(AngaShaithilya)DissolvingOldPatternsandReprogrammingtheMindwithIntentionResolve(Sankalpa)OpeningtoSpiritBreathMeditation
Chapter5DesigningtheLogisticalAspectsofYourPracticeSettingtheIntentionShouldYouPracticeAloneorUnderGuidanceIsItBettertoPracticeIndividuallyorinaGroupIsItSafetoDoThisPracticebyYourselfWhichExercisesAreBestforMeWhereShouldIPracticeWhenShouldIPracticeForHowLongShouldIPracticeYourPracticeChangesasYouDo
Chapter6TheProcessofTransformationFindingaNewIdentityAfterLossHowCantheTransformationBeAccomplishedWhatArethePossibleMeaningsofFindingaNewIdentityAfterLoss
ConclusionGlossaryReferences
Acknowledgments
My deep gratitude goes to Lyn Prashant Her immense knowledge of theimplicationsofgriefforthebodyinformedandenlightenedmyunderstandingofthis difficult time for the human heart Her insightfulmentorship transformedandenligthenedmyprofessionaloutlookHercompassionandprofoundabilitytoholdspacesupportedmethroughthetransformationofmyownbereavementHergentleyetfiercecommitmenttothetruthofthesoulmovedmetolevelsofdepthstillmanifesting inmy life todayHerwisdomanddedication toservingothersinspiredmyworkIrsquomhonoredtohavehadtheopportunitytodeveloptheseedsheplantedwithinmeandIthanktheuniversalorderforhavingourpathsmeetinthislifetime
I thank Elliott Vogel whose patience dedication and creative assistancehelpedshapemywritingwhilepreservingmyownvoiceHiseditstranslatedthelanguage of my heart into adequate words that now reach the ears of thosewillingtolisten
AnimageisworthathousandwordsMysincerethankstoBryanHendonapowerfulhumanbeingwithawizardinhiseyesSeeingmyselfthroughhislensgavemeconfidenceandrevealedarenewedimageofmyself
Thanks tomy dearwifeKatiawho supportedme in somany loving andrespectfulways throughout theprocessofwriting thisbookHerbeliefguidedme back tomy self-trust so that I could continue she helpedme remove theobstaclesagainandagainThankyousweetie
Finally I must thank the wisdom of Yoga that pouring through my lifeturnedmeintoahumblevehicleoftheuniversalknowledgeweallabideby
Foreword
In1984IwaslivingattheLivingDyingProjectinSantaFeNewMexicowithmy young husbandMark He was exploring the nature of his life and deathprovokedbytheextremeafflictionofmetastasizedheadandneckcancerIwasnewlymarriedandboththegrievingwifeanddesignatedsurvivorWithMarkrsquosdeathDegriefing(IntegrativeGriefTherapy)wasbornandmylifersquosworkwasshowntome
AtfirstIquestionedhowIwasgoingtocontinuetofindmeaninginmysolojourneyIaskedMarkldquoWhoamIWhodiesWheredoyougoWhatamItodowiththerestofmyliferdquo
ldquoLearntoloveeverythingasyoulovemerdquowashissimplystatedresponseIsoughtoutprofessionals tohelpme learn todo that andyet felt invisiblenotheardnotseenIdidnrsquotevenunderstandhowtobegintolookformeAcaringand concerned friend treated me to my first experience of truly consciousbodyworkwhichhelpedmebegintotoleratebeinginmyskin
Ialsonoted thatwhenIcoaxedmygrievingbody intosomeyogaposes Ifelt the molecular shift of my internal particles reorganizing As an athletephysical education teacher and coach I saw how the physical body not onlyneedsitsownexpressionbutactuallydemandsphysicalreleaseThisresetsthebalance of the many interconnected complex biological systems involved ingriefMythinkingwasclearerafterarunoradanceoraswimIsawthatwhenIengagedmybodyIfeltenergizedratherthandrainedIwasfeelingalifeforceinside ofme resurging How could this beWas this okayWould I losemyconnectionwithMarkifthepainstartedtosubsideThisforcethisfuelwhatisitforhellipTodowhathellipToknowwhatIwasreappearinginanewversionofmyever-changingself
As I was preparing to graduate from the Grief Counseling CertificationProgramattheGraduateSchoolofProfessionalPsychologyatJFKUniversityIwas offered a position as the director of the first holistic health spa in thesouthernconeofSouthAmericaBeforedepartingtheSanFranciscoBayAreaIstatedIwouldmanifestthemostamazingyogateacherinSouthAmericaThisstatement actualized itself whenAntonio interviewed for the position of yogainstructoronthespastaffIsharedmyvisionofworkingwiththebereavedand
askedifhewouldliketoparticipateHisresponsewaspassionateandgenuineexhibitingcontinuedinterestdevotionandcommitment
YogaforGriefReliefisanoffshootoftheDegriefingprocessrepresentingtheworkof IntegrativeGriefTherapyat its core It directly relates to somaticthanatology which uses integrative therapeutic interventions as externalizingtoolsinvolvingthebodymindandspiritEachindividualchoosesandusesthetoolsthatwillhelphimorhernavigatetheuncharteredwatersofgriefYogaisthe master transformer by offering teaching and options for everything andeveryone Grief turns us inside out and upside down and so does yogacompassionately lovingly individually itmeetsuswhereweare inourselvesYogaguidesustoawayoflifethatpromoteshealthyintentionalchangeItisawayofself-loveandloveforall
IsawinAntoniotheinfinitepossibilitiesandwide-rangingopportunitiesforhimtoassistthebereavedIfoundthathishighlyskilledapproachalongwithhisexpert training in both the yogic tradition and body-oriented psychotherapyprovidedhimwithamind-bodybalancecosmicallysuitedforhislifeworkasayogamasterHeisdevotedtothehighestgoodforeveryoneandisalovingandfiercetaskmastertransmittingtheknowledgeoftheyogicwayoflivingIknewthatAntoniowastheonetocarryforththeDegriefingworkthroughYoga
ItisallhereinthisimportantbookItdelicatelycombinesandcorrelatestheuseofEasternwisdomwithWesternphilosophyWearegrievinggloballyandneedadoseofuniversalknowledgetopromotebalancewithineachoneofus
This book is a gift a friend and a tool It offers maps to demystify andnormalize aspects of grieving by presenting options for transforming ourphysical grief balancing systems compromised by its profound and humblingeffectsSincewearejumbledscatteredandshatteredalreadyweareinaprimeposition to integratenewcopingskills fora lifebased in thebuddingsenseofournewlyrevealedpersonalreality
InYogaforGriefReliefwelearntoexpressnotrepresstoexternalizenotinternalizetobreatheagainandrelocateallourlossestoourheartcentersowecan thrive within our newly met self Antoniorsquos work has furthered thedevelopment of Degriefingrsquos basic premises and illuminates the process ofworking with our grief Yoga provides support for all the systems and is thecontainerforintegrationofmind-body-spirit
Read and cherish this book digest it share it and embody the relief youseekWith the teachings of yoga and Antoniorsquos astute guidance take a deepbreathandbuckleyourpsychicseatbeltYouareonyourwayhome
mdashLynPrashantPhD
Introduction
GriefisaradicalopportunitytotransformourawarenessbutfewofusknowitWhenIwastwentyyearsoldmymotherdiedofastrokeFortwoandahalfyears I lived in a state of denial completely disconnected frommy feelingsWhenIwasfinallyabletobewithmypainIdiscoveredtomyastonishmentthatmybodyhadcreatedanadditionalcalciumdepositbetweenoneofmyribsandthebreastbonemdashwhatthebodywillsometimesdoinresponsetoafractureIn essence what my mind had been hiding my body showed with pristineclarityIhadabrokenheart
As life continued after the loss of my mother I began training with LynPrashant an outstanding grief counselor and therapist and creator of theDegriefingprocessacomprehensivemind-bodyapproachtogrieftherapyShehelpedmelearnthatgriefisoneofourleast-tappedsourcesofself-knowledgeSometime after starting to work together Lyn asked me to develop a yogapractice to address the body-centered effects of grief which can range fromfeelings of lethargy to dull aches tightness in the chest cavity shortness ofbreathandsleeplessnessIwaswellequippedthroughmytrainingasasomaticpsychotherapist and yoga teacher But it was my own personal experience ofgrief that led me to build a sadhana or spiritual discipline that eventuallybecameaholisticpracticeIcallYogaforGriefRelief
Today many of us though we donrsquot know it live in a perpetual state ofunacknowledgedgriefTherearemanyreasonsfor thisOneprimaryreason isthatweliveinasocietythatoftenshiesawayfromthepowerfulemotionsthatgriefpresentstousWeareoftenstoiclumberingthroughlosswithoutfeelingreturningtoworkorourdailylivesafterthelosslikenothinghappenedweburyourgriefdeepinsideofuswhereitremainstrappedbothinbodyandmind
Griefhappens in thebody yet thephysical symptoms that comeup in thegrievingprocessarenotalwaysdealtwithasdirectlyas theyshouldbeThesesymptomsarejustascommontothegrievingprocessasmentalandemotionalsymptomsandrequirejustasmuchattentioninordertobetreatedTalktherapycanbewonderfulbuttoooftenthebody-centeredeffectsofgriefgetsubsumedundertheemotionalissuesbeingdealtwithApersoncanatthesametimeandwith not much difficulty experience relief from these physical symptoms byperformingafewbasicexercisesTheseexercisesknowncollectivelyasyoga
weredevelopedmorethansixthousandyearsagobypeoplegiftedinthementalpowersofintuitionTheyrealizeddirectlywhatweintheWestarebeginningtounderstand today through the advent ofmodern science that the humanmindandbodytrulyshareaconnectionandinfluenceoneanotherandthat throughpracticeonecanlivefreelyinanabundanceofjoyandpresenceofSpirit
AbundanceofjoyYoumaythinkyouhavepickedupthewrongbooksincethesepagesare focusedongriefand themethods thatcanhelp thosesufferingfromitseffectsButIhaveexperiencedfirsthandthejoyyogacanprovideamidthemostoverwhelmingsorrowthehealingbroughtaboutbytheperformanceofsimple physical movements and different breathing techniquesmdashpractices youmayalreadybefamiliarwithWhatthisbookoffersisnotaldquoretreatrdquofromgriefnoraldquoreleaserdquofromgriefbutsimplysomerelieffromgriefOnceweareabletoworkphysicallywith the new reality loss has thrown us intowewill then beabletobetterunderstandwhatitisthathashappenedtousOnceweareabletoacknowledgethatononehandourliveswillneverbethesameandthatontheother hand all the potential of the universe lies within us a different picturestartstoemerge
LynPrashant affirms that ldquowedonrsquot get over our losseswe transformourrelationship to themrdquo and I agree with her one hundred percent Grief is apowerfulsourceofinformationaboutwhowearewhenwedaretolookThereisanaturalprogressionfromonetotheotherandifweareabletotransformourrelationship togrief inaway that results in improvedself-knowledge thenwecan establish a new identity We identify ourselves through the persons andthingsweareattachedtowhenwelosethemwelosepartofwhoweareYetwecontinuebeingonlyinawaythatisnotknowntousTheprocessoffindingoutwhothenewldquoonerdquoisismultilayeredItinvolvesunderstandinganddealingwith thephysical symptomsofgriefactuallycompleting thegrievingprocessandreidentifyingourselvesnotbasedonpreconceivedorprelearnednotionsbutinstead on our true essence the onewersquove come somuch closer to thanks tohavingbeenstrippedofourpreviousidentityForthattohappenwemustworkThesadhana Irsquovedevelopedoffersapracticemdashthefoundationfor theworkwemustdomdashandalongthewayIrsquollsharetoolstohelpusreapthebenefitsweareafter
Bysittingwithawarenesswestart toaccept thechangeswearenowfacedwithAsweconsciouslyworkwithandevenchallengeourlearnedreactionsweask What starts to emerge from the chaos that loss leaves behind It is agroundedindividualonewhoisable toaccept thenewrealityandtocontinuewithlifeacalmpractitionerevenacuriousyogiAndwhydowepracticeItis
for the same reason that people inmodern-day India sat in yogic postures sixthousandyearsagopracticingmeditationbecausethedesiretoresolvesufferingisuniversalWeallneedcopingmechanismsweallneedtreatmentsthatsootheourrestlessmindsandourachingbodiesbutaboveallweneedtheknowledgethatcanbegainedsimplybybaskinginonersquosinnersilence
The practice I have developed for transforming grief from a painfulexperienceintoaconscioussourceofself-knowledgeisintroducedinthisbookin a six-part sequence breathing exercises body movements cleansingtechniquesrelaxationmentalreprogrammingandmeditation
Thebreathingtechniqueshelpbringbackasenseofcontroltotheindividualbymanipulatingthepranaorvitalforcewhichhelpsunitethegapbetweentheconscious and the unconscious The body movements serve to manage thebodyrsquosphysicalsymptomsofgriefparticularlyaddressingpainandotheracutesymptomsThecleansing techniqueshelp reset theendocrinesystemaffectingthe fight-or-flight responsewhich plays an essential role in the grief reactionandthefeelingsassociatedwith itRelaxation is includedwith the intentionofdiminishing the stress levels that increase during grief The powerful yogicprincipleofResolvehelpsresetmentalpatternsandfocusesthemindtowardthetransformationofgriefFinallymeditationisusedtoaddresstheSpiritoncethebody is still and the mind is calm that which is neither body nor mind canmanifestmoreclearly
Themainasana (physical posture) of theYoga forGriefRelief practice iscalled theWindmill Symbolically the windmill serves as an analogy for theprocessoftransformationofgriefintoanewidentityTheforcesoftheunknownmdashthewindmdashpowerthemechanismsofthewindmilljustasthemysteryoflosscreatesachurninginthedepthsofourownselvesAsthewindmillutilizesthesometimeswildanddestructiveforceofwindenergytomechanicallytransformhardgrains intoedible flour the techniques in this sadhana can transformourSpiritsleftvacantbylossbutopentoreceivingtheknowledgethatexistswithinusJustasthegrainbeingpulverizedresultsinafinerqualityofflourtheyogaexercisessharedhereoperateataneurochemicallevelimprovingourmoodandstrengtheningourresolveinthefaceofinsurmountablelossNotonlydoesthephysical component of the practice make us feel better new patterns areestablished that link the conscious performance of certain exercises with anoverallsenseofwell-beingMoreneuroscientistsarediscoveringthatourbrainsare resilient organs capable of far more than we had previously given themcreditforespeciallyintherealmofemotionaldisordersandaddictionButtheconclusionsofmodernneuroscienceall seem topoint tooneessential truthof
biological determinism practice makes perfect Our brains are capable ofreformation but they require discipline Yoga is an ancient art one whosefounders realized the importance of practice for physical results in the bodylastingimpressionsoftranquilityinthemindandtheevolutionofthesoul
It is the techniques themselves that are the inspiration for this book ThepracticemdashanditseffectsmdashresonatesstronglyinmylifetodayandinthoseofmystudentswhohaveengagedinitTheaimofthispracticeistohelpyouacceptthe realityof lossand thenwork through thepainofgriefOnceapersoncanadjusttothisnewsituationorenvironmentwithoutthelovedonethenheorshecan emotionally reinvest the love attached to the lost person or object andembarkonanewlife
When lateron in lifemyfatherpassedawaydespitemyknowledgeof thegrievingprocessandtheawarenessIhaveaboutwhatpracticescanhelptraverseit nothing could save me from experiencingmdashagainmdashthat deep pain of lossThere is noway around grief going through it is the only healthyway ThisbookandthetechniquesIdemonstrateherearenotawayofldquogettingovergriefrdquoInstead of avoiding the feelings these techniques are designed to help younavigate through emotions that are not always pleasant Because of myexperienceasayogatherapistIhadanawarenessofwhatsomeofmyreactionsweregoingtobewhenmyfatherdiedandIknewIhadtoolsIcouldutilizetohelp normalize those reactions and emerge anew It ismyhope that this bookwillofferawindowtotheuniquewayyouexperienceyourowngriefandgiveyousomesimpletechniquesthatwillhelpyousafelyexplorethatexperience
Youmay benefit from reading this book if you are looking to explore orwork with grief in the intimacy of a home yoga practice or existing studioworkoutifyouwouldliketocomplementthegrieftherapythatyouarealreadyengaged in or if you work with grieving individuals in your profession andwouldliketointegratetheknowledgeofyogaintoyourexistingtoolbox
Inchapter1youwill find information thatwillhelpnormalizeyourgriefYouwillstarttounderstandtheuniquenessofyourgrievingprocessandatthesame time acknowledge someuniversal truths about it In chapter2 youwilllearnsomeofthesuccinctwisdomofyogawhichwillhelpyouunderstandgriefinadifferentculturalcontextandhowparticularenergycenters(chakras)reactwhenwegrieveThewisdomteachingsareaknowledgethatisinactioninallofusregardlessofourbackgroundsorbeliefsystems
Inchapter3youwilllearnabouteachgeneralcategoryofpracticeandhowtheycanbeusedtoaddressdifferentaspectsofthegrievingprocessChapter4
presentstheexercisesinasimplehow-tomannerincludinghoweachtechniquecan help transform grief Chapter 5 offers guidance on how to set up yourpracticeaccording towhatrsquospossible foryouandwhatyourpersonal intentionisThis chapter also showsyouhow to start framingyour ideal conditions forpractice identifying what you want to accomplish along with any possiblebarriersInanycasewhatrsquosmostimportantisthatyoumeetyourselfwhereyouareItmaysoundsimplebutisoftenachallengeforthosefacedwithloss
AfterlearningthetechniquesandstartingtoplanhowtointegratethemintoyourlifeyouwilldiscoverhowtheyogapracticeservesthegreaterprocessoftransformationthatawakensyourspiritualconnectionwithlifeInchapter6youwilllearntoidentifyoldpatternsandwaysofthinkingyouwouldliketodiscardandpromote thoseyounowwelcomeaspartof the journey towardyourmostcompleteversionofyourselfThoughyoumightnotyethavefinishedgrievingyoucan start to seeways inwhich theexperienceofgrief serves to transformyourlifebygettingtothecoreofwhoyoureallyare
AsyoureadthroughthisbookremembertobegentlewithyourselfUsethisbookasaguidedrawfrom itwhenneededand remember that inorder tobeeffective these techniquesneed to bepracticed Intellectual information is notwhatweareafter Ifourmindscould solve themysteryof lossandgriefyouwould not be reading this book nor would I have written it I hope that inreading this book and throughyour ownpractice youmay access the hiddengiftthatliestrappedinthepainfulexperienceofgrief
Chapter1
GriefANormalResponsetoLoss
Grief affects the physical mental spiritual and emotional aspects of ourhumanityItisournormalreactiontolossbutthistruismdoesnotmakeitanyeasiertodealwithWeseemtoliveasifthethingsweareattachedtoarealwaysgoing to be thereAndmany of uswere raised in cultures that do not openlyacknowledge grief When faced with the pain and shock of loss we feelawkward clueless and confused overwhelmed and unprepared to begin tosootheourselvesAphraseheardfrequentlyfromgrievingpeopleisldquoIfeelasifIamgoingcrazyrdquoSomeconsider theprocessofbereavement tobean illnessrather than a normal part of the human condition that seeks outlet andexpression The cries of heartbreak allow the body to achieve balance byfacilitatingthereleaseofstresshormonesandsoothingsomeofthephysicalpainencounteredingrief
People experience grief in different ways We experience a vast array ofemotionalandphysicalsymptomsfromtheagitatedandanxioustothelethargicanddepressedfrombodyachesandmusclestiffness todisruptionsinsleepingandeatinghabitsThecommonfactor inall thesesymptomsishowourbrainsareinvolvedinthegrievingprocessCurrentresearchexploringtherolethatthebrainplays inemotional life isdiscussedlater in thischapter inldquoGriefandtheBrainrdquo
Yoga forGriefRelief is an entireprogramdesigned to support and informyou in all aspects of bereavement Itrsquos important to recognize that while thegrieving process is profoundly uncomfortable it is actually normalHowevercomplicatedgrief that continues toprovokeunhealthybehaviorsover the longterm and that takes an extreme toll on the griever is often better served byprofessionalhelp
DefiningGriefTheWesternViewGriefisapervasiveforceendemictothehumanconditionandanessentialpartofouremotionalmakeupEachculturerelatestogriefuniquelyWhereyougrewup how openwas your society to discussing issues that produce griefWhatcommonfuneraryritualsdidyourcultureprovideWhatvalueswereextolledby
yourfamilyDidpeopleinyourlifetypicallydieathomeorinhospitalsDidyougrowupinalargehouseholdorareyouanonlychild
The answers to these questions can and often do significantly influencereactionstolossJust thinkofhowagrievermayexperiencehisorhersorrowdifferentlyifinUruguayorintheUnitedStatesItisthecustominUruguaythatfamilyandclose friends spend thenightwith themourner immediatelyafter adeathtosharethepainandsorrowstayingawakethankstoafewcupsofcoffeeThentogethertheysayfarewelltothedeceasedandputtheremainstorestIntheUnitedStatesamorecommonwayofaccompanyingamourneristoattendawakeaneventthatoccurssometimeafterthedeathinwhichpeopletellfunnystoriesmentiongoodqualitiesoftheonegoneandthencelebratethedeceasedrsquoslifelavishlywithalcoholandfood
Alsoconsideran individual living inasociety that setsasideaspecialdayforrememberingandcelebratingthedeadversusapersonlivinginaculturethatfinds the outward exposure of sorrow socially inappropriate and lacking tasteTheseculturaldifferencesalsoaffecttheopinionsviewsandbeliefsofWesternpsychologists and clinicians who often assume very contradictory views tothoseofthemonksandswamisItrainedwithduringmyinitiationtoyoga
My dual training in the fields of somatic psychotherapy and the timelesswisdom of Yoga has allowed me to experience both worldviews firsthandRegrettablyWestern culture tends to sweepgrief under the rug by ignoring itentirely or compartmentalizing it Only minimal attention to grief is allowedeffectively preventing us from understanding its nature It is skillful to askourselvesquestionssuchasldquoWhatisthefirstgreatlossIremembersufferingWhocouldItalktoHowdidIcopewiththeexperienceHowdidthepeoplearoundme actrdquoThis inquiry encourages self-awareness and understanding ofhow your family and cultural background influence your relationship to yourowngrieftoday
DespitetherichvarietyofanswerstothesequestionsIwouldliketostartbysaying that grief is our natural response to lossmdashany loss Traditionally wethink of grief as being the range of emotional and psychological responsesexperiencedafterthedeathofsomeoneweloveButdeathisnottheonlytypeoflossthatelicitsgriefSomemightfeelgriefoverthelossofaprizedpossessionapetajobadreamortheiryouthInfactIhavewitnessedhumansgrievingthelossofperceivedinvincibilityafterbreakingabonethediscontinuationofaregularlyscheduledTVshoworafavoritebrandofsneakersorhavingreachedtheendofadeliciousnovelThecombinedeffectsofourlossesbigandsmallmajorandminoraccumulateinourbodiesThejudgmentthatsomelossesare
trivial and are therefore unimportant to consider can exacerbate feelings ofconfusion isolation and shame This can interfere with a grieverrsquos ability toaccepttherealityofwhereheorsheisinhisorherpersonalprocess
TwoTypesofLosses
Identifyingprimaryandsecondary losses ishelpful forcompassionateself-reflectionTheinitiallosstheonethatoccursfirstisusuallyreferredtoastheprimary loss Losses that occur as a result of this underlying primary loss areknownassecondarylosses
Primary lossesaremoreeasily identifiedwhile the secondaryonescanbemore subtle and perhaps underacknowledged with regard to their profoundemotional intensity For example a woman whose marriage ends in divorce(primaryloss)whothensufferstheexclusionofeventspreviouslyfoundonhersocial calendar (secondary loss) is dealingwith the exponential effects of thecombined losses Perhaps her ex-husband is still being invited to events orperhapshercoupled friendsareuncomfortablewithhernewsinglestatusThesecondarylossnamedhereisthelossofhersocialnetwork
It is important to acknowledge that while each primary loss occurs onlyonce secondary losses may continue to occur and are therefore experiencedfrequently In the previous example thewoman experienced the divorce onlyoncebutthelossofhersocialnetworkisfelteverytimesheisnotinvitedoutbyldquotheirrdquo friends In addition the burden of assuming roles and responsibilitiesformerlyhandledbyherexmdashsuchaspayingthemortgagebillcheckingtheairinthetiresormanagingthehouseholdinwaysshehasnothadtobeforemdashisaconstant painful reminder of all that has been lost since the divorce Thesecondary loss continually retriggers her grief due to the primary loss of thehusband
In another example losing all of onersquos family heirlooms in a house fire(primary loss) might evoke the experience of severing onersquos ancestral past(secondary loss)Secondary lossesarenrsquotalways recognizedasvalidcausesofgriefbuttheycanbringontremendoussorrowandrepeatedlyreignitethepainthatwasexperiencedfromtheprimaryloss
SymptomsofGrief
Although no two individuals grieve in the same way there is someconsistencyintheemotionalphysicalandmentalsymptomsassociatedwiththegrievingprocessSomeofthemostcommonlyacknowledgedfeelingsthatrelateto grief can be seen in the following table (adapted with permission fromLunche1999)
EMOTIONALSYMPTOMSOFGRIEF
Shocknumbness
Sadness
Emptiness
Feelinghelpless
Feelingoutofcontrol
Anger
Guiltregret
Resentment
Depression
Lonelinesslongingyearning
Fearanxietyinsecurity
Feelingsofbetrayaldisloyalty
Diminishedself-concern
Sorrowfortheonewhodied
Desiretojointhedeceased
Suicidalfeelings
Table1Emotionalsymptomsofgrief
Even though sadness is the feeling most commonly expressed while
grieving a wide range of emotions is often determined by the quality of therelationship we had with whatrsquos been lost as well as by the circumstancessurrounding the lossAs you can see from the Emotional Symptoms ofGrieftable the impact of our grief may present many complex combinations ofemotionsaffectingusdistinctly
OneexampleofthismightbewhenanabusivehusbanddiesmdashthewifecouldfeelmorerelievedthansadWhenafathercommitssuicidethechildrenheleftbehindmaybecopingwiththeirshameandangermorethanwithdepressionInmy personal and professional experience when a relationship that was morepositiveendsfeelingsofdepressionareverylikelytosurfaceWhereasthemoreconflictedarelationshipisthegreaterthelikelihoodisthatangerandguiltwillappear
Myfatherand I finallydevelopedapristine friendshipaftermanyyearsofnot getting along What soothed my heart most after he passed were thenurturing memories of our newly established friendship Because wepainstakingly attended to all our unfinished business I could grieve his losswithoutregretorambivalenceBeingatthatpointinourrelationshipatthetimeof his passing permittedme to connectwith themore profoundly painful andchallenging aspects of my grief process and be present to experience theemotionallyjoyousandpleasantmemoriesbubblingupinsideme
FourTasksofMourningARoadMapfortheGrievingProcess
GriefpresentsuswithtremendousdualityWegrievebothuniquelyaccordingtoourlifersquosvariablesanduniversallyasallhumansdoLeadersinthefieldhavenoted specific elements of grieving suggesting they need to be addressed inordertofulfillanormalprocessSomeofthemnametheseelementsasldquostagesrdquoothersasldquophasesrdquoofgriefBothtermssuggest tomesomethingmorestaleorpassiveinnatureOfall thinkersJWilliamWorden(2009)offers themodelIfind best suited to the yogic ideal of practice In his model he names theseelements ldquotasksrdquo a term that clearly denotes the dynamism the process reallyinvolvesItprovidesanactivewaytomovethroughgriefrsquoscommonemotionalstatesWordenrsquosFourTasksofMourningare
To accept the reality of the lossAccepting the reality of the loss toWorden implies recognizing that ldquoreunion with the departed isimpossible at least in this liferdquo (39) Worden describes a searchingbehavior that is common at this level of grieving whereby a grievingpersonmightldquoseerdquothedeceasedwalkinginacrowdandrecognizeheronly then to be confronted with the reminder of her death Variousdegreesofdenialcouldbeinvolvedinordertoavoidacceptingtherealityoftheloss
To process the pain of grief The second task involves consciouslyworking with the pain of grief Worden states ldquoIt is necessary toacknowledgeandworkthroughthispainoritcanmanifestitselfthroughphysicalsymptomsorsomeformofaberrantbehaviorrdquo(44)Thissecondtask of mourning is of special significance to yoga because of theconnectionwithconsciousworkanddedicatedpractice
To adjust to a world without the deceased Worden identifies threeareasofadjustmentthataretobereckonedwithafterthelossofalovedone External adjustments relate to how coping with loss affects oureveryday life (egwhatdowedowith theworkinghourswhenwersquovejust lost a job) Internal adjustments refer to how death affects self-definitionself-esteemandonersquossenseofself-efficacy(eghowcanaspouse feel like awhole self again after losing his partner) Spiritualadjustmentsimplydealingwiththechallengesofourbeliefsystemsandvaluesasdeathshakesthefoundationofonersquosassumptionsoftheworld(eg the faithful believer questioning the existence of a justGod afterfeelingthathisprayershavenotbeenheard)
To find an enduring connection with the deceased in the midst ofembarking on a new life Worden asserts that it is essential that themourner find newways to continue honoring the deceased while stillremaining focused on creating a new life Freud (1953) describes themental process of mourning as summoning mental images of the lostlovedonedetachingthepreviouslyinvestedloveandreestablishingthefreedomofthemindWordensuggeststhatwedonotentirelyrecycletheemotionalenergypreviouslyinvestedhecitescurrentresearchthatstatesthat maintaining an active awareness of the deceased person providescomfortandstrengthtothebereaved
Although each task is essential to the process of mourning the tasksthemselves are not linear After completing all four we may be prompted torevisitanyoreachofthem
Mostofoureffortsdealingwithgriefaregeared towardavoidingsufferingfromtheunusuallyimmensepainlossinflictsonusItisDrWordenrsquosopinionthat the fulfillment of all Four Tasks of Mourning is essential to promote ahealthy and normal grieving process Otherwise we may fall into what isconsideredacomplicatedgrievingprocess Insomecasesanindividualrsquosgriefreactionisprolongedbecominganalmostchronicconditionthatmayneverbefullyresolved
Examining examples of complicated grief we often see the actualmanifestation of symptoms showing up at amuch later time in response to amorerecentunexpectedlossThisexaggeratedreactioncanmanifestasorturnintoaspecificmentalconditionsuchasclinicaldepressionInothersthegriefappearsdisguisedbysymptomsandbehaviorsthatwhileseeminglyunrelatedtogriefareactuallyexamplesofldquomaskedrdquogrief(Worden2009)Itisimportanttodifferentiate thesemarkersofcomplicatedgrief fromthenaturalway inwhichgriefoccursdownthelinecomingbackunexpectedlyattimesinrelationtolifeeventsandother timesseemingly randomandpresentinguswith feelingsandsymptomsoftheoldgriefThisconceptiswellexpressedintheworkofThereseRando who coined the term STUG Sudden Temporary Upsurge of Grief(1993)
Grief triggers grief Fresh loss naturally triggers memories feelings andsymptoms related to a previous loss Sometimes we are truly shocked at thetremendous intensity of our feelings When others who are close to usexperience loss it can easily trigger our owngrief and cause us to revisit oldlossesevenifwefeelwehavedealtwiththemalreadyPerhapsthisisareasonwhypeoplerecoilfromhearingaboutanotherrsquosgrieforbecomeuncomfortablewhentheywitnesspeopleexhibittheirgriefopenlyCounselorstherapistsandhospiceworkerswhoworkwithgrief regularly see theirowngrief retriggeredandcansufferfromtheeffectsofldquocaregiverrsquosburdenrdquo
Regardless of howour grief originates the key element is that in order togrieve a loss we need to have developed a strong emotional connection withwhat has been lost or what it represents to us We need to have formed anattachment
AttachmentTheTrueRootofGrief
ldquoAttachmentrdquo is generally defined as a feeling that binds someone to aperson thing causeor idealThis is a remarkably similardescription towhatFreudstatedwhendescribingtheobjectofgriefduringmourning(Freud1953)Psychology views attachment as ldquoan evolved behavioral system designed toregulate infantsrsquo proximity to a protector and thereby maximize chances forsurvivalrdquo according to John Bowlby (Diamond 2001 277) Later on studiesconducted byMary Ainsworth concluded that there are three major styles ofattachmentsecureambivalent-insecureandavoidant-insecure(Broberg2000)
Researchers Main and Solomon (1986) added a fourth style known asdisorganized-insecureattachmentTheseearlyattachmentstylescanhelppredictbehaviors later in life especially adult romantic love For example when anindividual is able to gain comfort from his parents as a child (ldquosecureattachmentrdquo)hetendstohavegoodself-esteemasanadultOntheotherhandwhenachilddoesnotgainmuchcomfortorcontactfromhisparents(ldquoavoidantattachmentrdquo) he develops adult behaviors that invest little or no emotion insocialandromanticrelationships
In short our early attachments constitute our first awareness of thosewholove and care for us and influence how we love as adults No matter whatattachment style we develop we are all like these infantsmdashseeking survivalclingingtowhatisfamiliarLikeapacketoffoodcoloringreleasedintoapitcherof water we can see our attachments permeate the substance of our lifeAttachment is at the core of howwe form families and how our larger socialnetwork functions For us in theWest attachment is tantamount to love ldquoIf IloveyouIamattachedtoyoubeinghereforeverrdquoThisassociationissostrongthatactionsindicatingdetachmentareusuallyseenasasignofalackoflove
OurattachmentsinformuswhenwefeelathomewhenwearelonelyandwhenweareindangerEvenatachemicallevelthebondswemakewithhumanbeingsandotherobjectsaffectusWhenthesebondsbreakwecaninvestigatethepsychophysiologicaleffectsandnormalizethemanysomaticaspectsofgriefmanifesting asphysical symptomsNow letrsquosdiscoverwhat theperspectiveofpsychophysiologycanbringtoourunderstandingofgrief
GriefandtheBrainHow does the body express what the heart and mind are going throughCurrently there is not enoughmeasurable scientific data on grief and furtherresearch isstillneededMostof theexisting informationfocusesonvictimsoftraumaAlthoughalltraumainvolvesgriefitisimportanttorememberthatnot
all grief is traumatic Western psychology usually views the body as anafterthoughtproclaimingthatthegrievingprocesshappensmainlyinourmindsMore recent research in the areas of psychology immunology andendocrinologyrevealsdatathatshowshowemotionalprocesseslikegriefaffectmore than just our mental functioning Psychophysiology shows how life-changingeventsinfluencevirtuallyeveryareaofapersonrsquosphysicalandmentalconstitution from thought patterns to emotionalwell-being immune functionandoverallhealth(RosenbaumandVarvin2007Ulvestad2012VandenBerget al 2012) Western science is just now discovering and documentingconnectionsformulatedagesagofromthemeditativeobservationsofpracticingyogisTheevidenceofthemind-bodyconnectionsdiscoveredbythesescientistsistrulyfascinatinganditsimpactintheareaofgriefworkisonlybeginningtobefelt
Two of themain symptoms associatedwith grieving are pain in the chestmuscles and disruptions of the circadian rhythms particularly the sleep cyclePeople experience a variety of symptoms that usually change as the grievingprocess unfolds What should be eminently clear from the following table(adaptedwithpermissionfromLunche1999)isthatgriefaffectsthebody
PHYSICALSYMPTOMSOFGRIEF
Pain
Feelingoftightnessinthechest
Feelingoftightnessinthethroat
Alterations in the breathing patterns (shortness of breath frequentsighing)
Fatigueexhaustionlowenergy
Sleeppatterndisruption(insomniaorexcessivesleep)
Eatingpatterndisruption(overeatingoranorexia)
Alterationofthecardiacrhythms(bradycardiatachycardiaarrhythmia)
Digestivesystemupset
Generalizedtension
Restlessnessirritability
Increasedsensitivitytostimuli
Drymouth
Table2Physicalsymptomsofgrief
Grief is mainly orchestrated by the limbic system Itrsquos a central structure
withinthenervoussystemdeeplyinvolvedinthewayweexperienceemotionsThelimbicsysteminitiallygatherssensoryinformationaboutanexperienceandcomparesthatinformationwithpreviouslystoredknowledgehousingmemoriesof past similar experiences our belief systems and cultural values It thenassigns the experience an emotional tone and integrates a response Then theoutermost sheet of neuronal tissue in the brain the neocortex processes theexperiencefurtherandassignsmeaningtoitonadeeperlevel
Alterationsofthenormalfunctionsofthelimbicsystemresultin
irritability
moodiness
depression
negativethinking
negativeperspective
sleepandappetitedisorders
socialisolation
decreasedorincreasedsexualdriveand
motivation
Manyoftheitemsonthislistofmooddisturbancesandothersymptomsare
classicfeaturesofanormalgrievingprocesssolidifyingthecaseforthelimbicsystemrsquosinvolvementWhentakingalookatothermentalandsocialsymptomsofgrief thisconnectionwith thefunctionsof the limbicsystembecomesevenclearer
MentalSymptomsofGrief
Negativeanticipatorythinking
Disbelief
Confusion
Disorientation
Absentmindedness
Forgetfulness
Poorconcentration
Distraction
Difficultyfocusingandattending
Lowmotivation
Expectingtoseethedeceased
Expectingthedeceasedtocall
Preoccupationwiththedeceased
Feelingtheneedtotellandretellthestorysurroundingtheloss
Dreamsorimagesofthedeceased
Denial
Thinkingaboutotherdeathsandlosses
SocialSymptomsofGrief
Beingisolatedbyothers
Withdrawingfromsocialactivities
Diminisheddesireforsocialactivities
Copingwithlabelslikeldquowidowedrdquoldquosinglerdquoetc
Hidinggriefbytakingcareofothers
Losingfriendsmakingnewfriends
Table3Mentalandsocialsymptomsofgrief(adaptedwithpermissionfromLunche1999)
AccordingtoDrJamesGardnerldquoGriefbeginsinthebrainrdquoandaffectsthe
brainldquofromthehighestcorticalcentersandtemporal lobestothedeepermoreprimitive structures in the limbic systemrdquo For our neurotransmitters thebuilding blocks of the brain that are essential for intercellular communicationgrief ldquoaffects the way we process some of these chemicalsrdquo including theneuropeptides(20026)
On a biochemical level we react as though our entire existence is beingthreatenedAccordingtoGardnerldquoAstheserotoninsystemisweakenedbytheemotionalstressoflosstheanxietyresponseistriggeredrdquo(20026)Hegoesontosaythatthebodyrsquosfight-or-flightreactionincludesthereleaseofadrenalineThereleaseofhormonesincreasesheartrateandbloodpressurestressfulsignalsactivate the endocrine glands and affect the heart stomach various musclegroupsand thebloodvessels themselvesOthersymptoms include thecoolingof the extremities pupil dilation tremors sweating and nausea due tohyperventilationTakingitscuesfromthebrainthebodyreactstothefullforceofthelossasamenacingdangeradirectthreattooursurvival
NeuroplasticityandItsImplicationsforGrief
Even though grief is seemingly an omnipresent challenge influencing ourbrain chemistry we might consider the following news to be positive
Neuroplasticityreferstothebrainrsquosabilitytochangeitsstructureandfunctioninresponse to experience training and practice In the twentieth century ourbrainswere thought todevelopwithinacriticalperiodduringearlychildhoodand to then remain relatively immutable This thinking meant that once wepassedthecriticalperiodofdevelopmentwewerebasicallystuckinthosewaysforeverhardwiredfixedinformandfunctionThisbeliefloweredexpectationsaboutthevalueofrehabilitationforthosewhohadsufferedbraininjuryfromastrokeforexample
Becausepsychiatricconditionsare related tospecificneuronalpathways inthebrainthisalsomeantthatoncedevelopedamentalillnesswouldbealmostimpossibletotreatsuccessfully(Begley2007)SharonBegleyajournalistwhoreportsoncurrenttrendsonhealthandsciencewroteinTimemagazineldquoTherewasgood reason for lavishly illustratedbrainbooks to show the function sizeand location of the brainrsquos structures in permanent inkrdquo This prevailing viewalso reinforced limited mental perceptions It was simply a brain-determinedrealitythatafterlosingonersquoshouseonemightneverfeeltrulyathomeagainorafterlosingaspouseonecouldneverfindloveagain
These beliefs have been challenged by findings that reveal that manyfunctions of the brain remain plastic even into adulthood Substantial changeshave been documented showing that an individual can consciously andprofoundly alter the way his or her neurons are activated in response toexperience These alterations affect both the brainrsquos physical anatomy andfunctionalorganizationsignifyingthatthebraincananddoeschange
ldquoNeuronsThatFireTogetherWireTogetherrdquo
This is a common saying in the field of neuroscience New connectionsbetweennervouscellsareformedasweengageindifferentactivitiesThesenewneuronalpathwaysarestrengthenedwhenwerepeatthoseactivitieswiringthenervouscellstogetherThemorewerepeattheseactivitiesthemorepermanenttheconnectionsbecome
Even though these findings relate to how the brain compensates for injuryanddiseasethismechanismappliestobrainactivityingeneralNeuroplasticitymakespersonalgrowthanddevelopmentpossiblebyallowingthenervecellsinthebrain toadjust theiractivities in response tonewsituationsandchanges intheir environment Although this process is automatic and happensindependentlyoutsidetherealmofconsciousintentionwecaninfactenhance
thesought-afterresultsbyincreasingconsciouspracticeThemorepracticethemoreingrainedorimprintedthenewconnectionsbecome
ResearchconductedonmusiciansbyneuroscientistAlvaroPascual-LeoneaprofessorofneurologyatHarvardUniversityindicatesthatwhiletheprocessistriggered by actual practicemere thought can also alter the physical structureandfunctionofourgraymatter(2001)Hefoundthattheincreasedbrainsurfaceactivated in subjects after practicing an instrument was equal to those wholdquothoughtrdquo of the scales to be practiced This revelation is important whenunderstandinggriefbecauseitvalidatestheuseoftechniquessuchasSankalpaor Resolve which uses repetition of statements that reflect a desired state ofbeingtoinducethebraintoremapitselftowardsuchareality
TheBrainrsquosInsatiableQuestforHappiness
A special area of interest for those performing current research inneurosciencehasbeenstudyingthebrainsofBuddhistmonksduringmeditationtoobservewhetherthereisanymeasurablechangeinbrainactivitywiththeuseof contemplativepractices Inorder tounderstandhowourbrains conduct ourinsatiablequestforhappinesssomethingthemonksarebelievedtoexperiencethanks to meditation Richard Davidson a neuroscientist at the University ofWisconsinatMadisonconductedstudiestofindoutifwecanthinkofemotionsmoods and states suchascompassionasmental skills that could somehowbeingrainedinapersonthroughtrainingWhencomparingtheactivityinthebrainsofthegroupofmonksversusthoseofacontrolgroupwhodidnotmeditatethemoststrikingdifferencewasinanareaintheleftprefrontalcortexbelievedtobethesiteofactivitythatsignalshappiness(Davidson2012)Whilethemonkswere generating feelings of compassion activity in the left prefrontal cortexswamped activity in the right prefrontal cortex to a degree never before seenfrom purely mental activity (The right prefrontal cortex is associated withnegative moods) On the other hand the individuals belonging to the controlgroup showed no such differences between the left prefrontal cortex and therightAccordingtoDavidson thissuggests that thepositivestateisaskill thatcanbelearned
PracticeReshapesYourBrain
Thenewunderstandingofneuroplasticityrelatedtothepowerofthemindrsquosability to change our brains promises something fundamental for theunderstanding of grief By employing intentional and conscious physical andmental practice we can change our relationship to ourselves during ouremotionallyfluctuatinggrievingprocessEachactionweperformeachthoughtwe think each word we speak then becomes an arrow shot into the field ofmanifestationanopportunityforanewconnectioninthebraintomodifytheoldandemphasizetheestablishmentofanewidentity
While the focus of this book is not brain biology or neurochemistry it isimportant tounderstand justhowstronga forcegrief isRegardingourmentaland emotional landscape we now comprehend that our emotional life isinformedbythethoughtswethinkbyhowthebrainitselfreactstoexperiencesinstructingourbodies tobehaveYounow seehowmanyof the symptomsofgrief directly relate to how our brains reactwhen facing loss Recall how theattachmentstopeoplefromtheearlieststagesofourlifeformulateourpsychicbasis for the adult emotions of love and compassion Loss is a real materialexperience affecting us at every layer of our existence The following table(adapted with permission from Lunche 1999) indicates profound changes inbehaviorswhenwearegrievingAswedeepenourunderstandingofhowourbrains serve as the basis for many of these symptoms we can normalizeprofoundchangesthatarepowerfullyalteringrealityasweknewit
BehavioralSymptomsofGrief
Crying(sometimesunexpectedly)
Searchingforthedeceased
Carryingspecialobjects
Goingtothegravesite
Makingandkeepinganaltar
Keepingbelongingsintact
Lookingatphotosorvideosofthedeceased
Listeningtoaudiorecordingsofthedeceased
Talkingtothedeceased
Avoidingsituationsthatarousegrief
Changesindailyroutine
ldquoStayingbusyrdquo
Assumingmannerismsofthedeceased
Table4Behavioralsymptomsofgrief
By getting a sense of how intensely all systems are involved in the
bereavement process it becomes more evident that engaging certain yogaexercisesintendedtounitemindandbodyareeffectiveinbringingbackasenseof cohesion and personal control in times of grief Through breath workphysical movements and specific techniques designed to for example helpresetthefunctioningoftheendocrinesystemwecantakethisinformationaboutgriefandputittogooduseWecanapplytoolstointegrateconsciousresponsesthat help our brains reshape themselves in an active and insightfulwayYogahelpsustobemorepresentforourfeelingsofgriefanditisperhapsthemostcompletebodyofpracticalknowledgeyoucanseekout
Wewill now look at what this ancient discipline expresses as to whywegrieveandhowgriefrelatestoitsprecursorattachment
Chapter2
YogaandGrief
Yogarsquos quest to resolve human suffering is probably as old as the disciplineitself Since yogarsquos entrance into mainstream Western culture it has beentailored to meet the needs of a variety of practitioners Western styles andmodulations of yoga have complemented the ancient original schools orbranchesOne of the results of this diversification has been the emergence ofyoga therapy This system is perfectly designed for the application of yogarsquosteachings philosophy and unique methods for addressing and transformingpersonal imbalances manifesting as diseases or disorders Even though otherdisciplinessuchasyogachikitsaandAyurvedadealwiththetherapeuticprocessyoga therapy isactuallymorehelpful inaddressing thegrievingprocess in thebodymindandspirit
I have come to understand grief as one of the most prevailing andunacknowledged feelings in the human heart through my personal andprofessional experiences As a yogi I recognize the need for a more Spirit-centeredapproachtodealingwithgriefWitnessingtheeffectsonmystudentsalongwithmypersonalexperienceofpracticingyogaformanyyearshasgivenmeadeepunderstandingofyogarsquoseffectivenessintreatinggrief
Initially yoga helps us to manage some of the physical and emotionalsymptomsofgriefAsonersquospracticedeepensyogaoffersprofoundinsightsintothe difference between the suffering intrinsic to grief and that of attachmentwhich I call the precondition for grief Letrsquos examine some philosophicalunderpinningsofyogaandhowtheycandemystifyourrelationshiptogrief
TheFiveSpokesontheWheelofSufferingThefirstextantwrittenworkonyogathatpresentsacomprehensivephilosophyonthenatureofsufferingandhowtoalleviateitisTheYogaSutrasofPatanjali(Bryant2009)InthistextattachmentmdashthepreconditionforgriefmdashisnamedasoneofthefiverootcausesofsufferingthatinevitablyleadtopainandconfusionTogethertheyare
ignoranceofthetruth
egoism
attachment
aversionand
fearofdeath
IgnoranceofthetruthreferstoignoringtheessentialrulesthattheuniverseabidesbyAnexampleof this is to expect a flower tobeborn fullybloomedthen develop backward decreasing in size until it becomes a seed Thismisapprehension can be seen as a metaphor of life in general all livingorganismshaveadefinitebeginningandaperiodofdevelopmentandthenmeettheir end Therefore anyone contesting the flowerrsquos organic nature promotespersonalsuffering
Egoismreferstofalseidentificationwiththemindandbodyexclusivelyandignoring the Spirit The nature of both body andmind is one of craving Thebody craves heat food touch and rest the mind craves acknowledgmentidentificationandseekschangeOnceanyofourneedsbecomesatisfied thenimmediatelythenextonekicksinTheSpiritconverselyneedsnothingbecauseitcontainseverythingandisthesourceofeverythingByincludingourSpiritinour identificationwegaincontactwithanaspectofourselves that issatisfiedtrulyandcompletely(Satyananda1976)
Attachment refers to our dependency on the permanence of a personrsquospresence or an objectrsquos continued availability to produce and sustain ourhappinessAttachmentcomesfromthepositiveexperienceswehaveinlifeandthememoriesweforminassociationwiththemSinceallthingsarebytheirtruenatureabsolutely impermanentoursuffering isensuredwhen thingsdisappearordieOf the fivecausesof suffering attachmenthas aparticularly importantroleingriefandisthereforediscussedfurtherinthefollowingsection
Aversion is the opposite of attachment and is derived from negativeexperiencesinlifeItrefers tothingswedonrsquot likepromptingustoturnawayfrom them Because the likelihood of all things happening is evenly spreadacross the spectrumof reality thingswedonrsquot likewill inevitablyoccurmdashandwesufferyetagain
Fearof death refers to a feeling human beings experience as part of theiremotional makeup Because death is inevitable fearing it is a sure ticket tosufferingRegardlessofhoworwhenweinstinctivelyknowwhatwefearwill
arriveatsomepointThesefivecausesofsufferingbecomelikeawheelinahamstercageLike
naivehamsterswehurlthewheelintoperpetualmotionrunningtowardnoendIfwechoosetoignoretheessentialtruthwebecomeidentifiedwithourbodiesandmindsonlyThisleadsustogenerateattachmentsandaversionstheultimatebeingaversion toourowndeath ignoring the truth thatwe toowill inevitablydie
In Four Chapters on Freedom Swami Satyanandarsquos commentary on TheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliwearetoldthatourldquodesireforliferdquoisldquosustainedbyitsownforcerdquo(1976154)Itisbecauseofanattachmenttoourphysicalbodytheswami says that we cling to life and fear natural processes like disease anddeath Since grief appears as a result of losing those things or personswe areattachedtoTheYogaSutrascanexplaintheintimaterelationshipbetweengriefand suffering I am not suggesting that if we could somehow eliminateattachment our liveswould be problem-free and all sufferingwould end ThefourothercausesareequallypotentandimportantCouldsimplyenvisioningtheeliminationofsufferingbringsomeeasetoourmindsByjustbeingconsciousof the five causes of sufferingwe combat the initial barrier of ignorance thatpreventsusfromknowingourtrueselves
AttachmentItsSpecialRoleforGrievers
ThenegativeimplicationsofattachmentarequitedifficultforushumanstocomprehendWhyisdealingwithattachmentsodifficultWeformattachmentsto perpetuate the comfort and safety we are accustomed to receive from thethings andpersonswe attach toYetwe can never know just how long thosethingsorpersonswillremainFormingattachmentsseemstobeinherentinthehumancondition
Yoga addresses this uncertainty and invokes the universal truth that ldquoAllthings come to an endrdquo This calms the mindrsquos craving for knowledge andprovidesananswertotheyearningquestionmanygrieversaskthemselvesafteralossWhy
When we form attachments we are relying on the permanence of thingsWhenthosethingsvanishtheresultforusisapredictableonewesufferIntheepic Indian tale of the Bhagavad Gita prince Arjuna turns to his charioteerKrishnaforcounselonthebattlefieldWhileseeminglyjustadvisingthewarrioronmilitarystrategyLordKrishnaactuallyimpartsdeepspiritualwisdomtothe
unknowingseekerHeidentifiesattachmentasthebeginningofachainreactionofturbulentemotions
ldquoWhilecontemplatingtheobjectsofthesensesapersondevelops
attachmentforthemandfromsuchattachmentlustdevelopsandfromangerlustarisesrdquo
mdashVerse62(1972122)
ldquoFromangercompletedelusionarisesandfromdelusionbewildermentofmemoryWhenmemoryisbewilderedintelligenceislostandwhenintelligence
islostonefallsdownagainintothematerialpoolrdquo
mdashVerse63(1972123)
This explanation of how attachment manifests in human beings is anillumination from a realized master such as Krishna to the aspiring yogi(Bhaktivedanta 1972) This sage wisdom applies to every one of us who islearningandaspiringhereonEarthFormotherswhoseheightenedattachmentwith their infants is directly connected to the continued survival of theiroffspringenvisioningalifeofnonattachmentseemsnearlyimpossibleFormostofhumanitythatisalsotrueYetyogaoffersuspureknowledgethatappliestolifewithintheframeworkofwhatisfeasibleforeachoneofusYogadoesnotjustrelyonphilosophyhowevertoexplainwhywegrieveitpinpointsgriefinanahatachakraaspecificplaceinthebody
ExploringtheChakrasandHowTheyRelatetoGrief
TheSanskritwordchakra translates toldquowheelrdquo inEnglishThisevokesanimage of swirling energy the stirring of emotional and psychic contents Thesevenchakrasconfigureapathwaymovingfromprimalemotionsandsensations(fearangerdisgust)toloveandcompassionandspiritualconnection
According to yoga philosophy human beings are in a state of continuousevolutionThisevolutionissymbolizedbythespiralingmovementofkundalinian invisible energy that when awakened flows upward from the base of the
spine to the topof thehead (Satyananda1985)During its course this energymakes contact with several psychic centers (chakras) each of which signifiesdifferentstagesinourjourneytowardcompleteselfhoodJohnSelbystatesthateachchakracorrespondstoamajorendocrineglandamainautonomicnerveorgroupofnervesandthefunctionstheyregulatewithinthebodyandaspecificmanifestationoraspectofhumanconsciousness(1992)
The chakra system is a brilliant map for understanding the connectionbetweenmindbodyandspirit Itoffersadiagnostic toolaswell asa fieldofoperation for understanding and managing some of the difficult emotionsinvolved in griefGetting in touchwith these emotions unveils aspects of thepotential life lessons hidden in the symptoms we are experiencingWe beginmakingconnectionsbetweenthesensationswefeel inourbodiesandhowourthinkingisaffectedbysuchsensationsWitnessinghowthethreeessentialpartsofourselvesmdashthementalthephysicalandthespiritualmdashinteractweareabletoseethateachthoughtandemotionhasacorrelatewithinourphysicalbodyThisrecognitionfacilitatesourjourneyofintegrationandevolutionofconsciousness
ROOTCHAKRATHESURVIVOR
Thefirstchakra(mooladhara)islocatedatthepelvicfloorandcorrespondswiththecoccygealplexusofnervesInmenitliesintheperineumbetweentheurinary and excretory openings In women it is situated inside the posteriorsurfaceofthecervix
This chakra relates to our feelings and perceptions and the bodily
mechanisms associatedwith our survival and explains the fear some grievershavewithregardtotheirabilitytocontinuesimplygoingonlivingafteralossIn fact even when we are actually safe and secure there can be underlyingthoughtsandemotionsthatturnonthefight-or-flightresponsewhichproducesan increased heart rate and sweaty palms Because this is a basic ldquosurvivalmoderdquo reaction typicalofhumanbeings it canbe interpretedasa first chakraemanation symbolizing our primary instinct for survival our clinging toexistencewhilefearingnaturalprocesseslikedeath
We recognize how attachment to pleasure-giving sensory objects andaversiontowardexternalsourcesofdispleasurebecomehardwiredWhenfacedwith grief we can understand how oftentimes the griever wishes to join thedeceasedasifhisorherverysurvivalwerelinkedtothecontinuityofthebondBecausegriefcanseduceustomistakenlyidentifythelossofalovedoneasathreattoourexistencetheresultcanbeanaturalinclinationtomergewiththedeceased
Becauseofitsconnectionwiththematerialworldwealsoseeinthischakrathe difficulty grievers typically experience in performing the usual tasks thatensurephysicallifeThefatiguethatmanypeoplefeelduringgriefisalsotypicalofanimbalancein thiscenterThischakra isapotentsourceofallourearthlydesiresandthefeargreedandpossessivenesswemightfeelwhengrievingareassociated with it An example could be wishing to hold on to a deceasedrsquostreasuredobjectsorpossessions
Additionallybecause the firstchakra isassociatedwith thesenseofsmellthe common occurrence of grievers being reminded suddenly of the deceasedbased on encountering a smell associated with that person can be seen asemanatingfromthischakra
SACRALCHAKRATHEBIRTHPLACEOFDESIRE
Thesecondchakra(swadhisthana)isfoundatthebaseofthespineItrelatestothesacralplexusofnervesandsymbolizestheunconsciousItisalsorelatedto our overall emotional awareness and ability to experience our feelingsStronglyconnectedtothesexualorgansandtheirproductsdesiresandcravingstakeondefiniteformanddirectioninthischakraThischakraisalsoassociatedwithmovementespeciallyemotionaltypesofmovementIntermsofgrieftheinvolvementofthischakracanmanifestasalackofsexualdesireorconverselyastrengtheningofsexualappetiteThedifficultysomeexperience inaccessingintimacy or being social with others is a typical characteristic of a disturbed
secondchakraTheassociatedsensewiththischakraistasteSometimesthereisa certain taste some grievers notice along with other more typical symptomssuchasdrymouthanddisruptionsofnormaleatinghabits
NAVALCHAKRAWILLPOWERMADEMANIFEST
Thethirdchakra(manipura)sitsalongthespinalcolumndirectlybehindthenavelItcorrespondstothesolarplexusandphysiologicallyrelatestodigestionassimilationand temperature regulation in thebodyThischakrarepresentsanimportant step in the evolution of consciousness because it connects ourwillpowerwithourdesirespromotingmanifestationonthephysicalplaneThedifficulty inmaking decisions felt bymany grievers is an involvement of thethirdchakraWebecomeconfusedas towhat courseof action isbestbecauseourwillpowerissoprofoundlycompromisedWesometimesresorttotakingnoactionatall lacking themotivationneeded toconfront thefearof thechangeswearefacing
Some individuals throw themselves into work Others place a heightenedemphasis on an exuberant social life after loss to keep away from the painfullack of familiarity with the new unchartered reality The literal translation ofmanipura isldquocityof jewelsrdquoandit refers to thepreciousgemsofactionlyingdormant in this centerwaiting tobeunearthedby thepowerofour consciousintention The associated sense for this chakra is sight and I believe it canexplaincommonexperiencessomebereavedhaveofnotseeingthingsthatareinplainsightmdashforexamplesearchingfranticallyforhousekeysonlytofindthemintheappropriateplace justafewminutes laterornotseeingtheexitsignonthefreewayeventhoughitisthesameexitagrieverhastakenforthepastfiveyearswhen returninghomeEvenldquoseeingrdquo thedeceasedwithin themidst of acrowdonabusystreetcouldberelatedtothethirdchakra
HEARTCHAKRATHEREFUGEOFLOVE
Thefourthchakra(anahata)liesinthevertebralcolumnbehindthebaseoftheheart at the levelof thedepression in the sternum It relates to thecardiacplexusofnerveswhichinfluencesthefunctioningoftheheartandlungsThesearetwokeyareasthatareoftenaffectedbygriefmanifestingasdisruptionsofbothcardiacandbreathingrhythmsTheheartchakracorrespondstothethymusglandwhich relates to immunefunctionDuringbereavement it iscommon toexperienceanexacerbationofpreexistinghealthconditionsoranincreasedriskforsicknessduetoimmunesystemdepressionThischakraisthequintessentialblendingofmatterandSpirittheevolutionaryoasisonourpathtowardspiritual
fulfillmentItiswhereemotionalbondingandattachmentaredevelopedAstheseatofhumanloveitalsorelatestothepowerofloveasahealingforce
ThesenseassociatedwithanahataistouchIngriefthissenseisimportantbecause through touchwe fully experience theabsenceof thatwhichwehavelost Just think of the needmany individuals feel for touch after spousal lossImaginehowliberatingahugcanfeeltofacilitatethepowerfulreleaseofpent-upemotion
THROATCHAKRATHEPOWEROFSOUND
Thefifthchakra(vishuddhi)liesatthelevelofthethroatpitinthevertebralcolumnThischakracorrespondstothecervicalplexusofnervesandrelatestothethyroidglandandalsocertainsystemsofarticulationtheupperpalateandtheepiglottisThe thyroidrsquos involvement iskey ingrief thedisturbanceof theproductionof adrenaline canbe the sourceof feelingsofdepletion aswell asweight gain or loss that cannot be directly attributable to changes in eatinghabitsThiscentercanalsobethesourceforsomeofthehormonalimbalancesandmoodswingsexperiencedwhengrieving
Vishuddhi chakra is known as the purification centerwhere the powers ofcommunicationlieItdealssymbolicallywithsoundandvibrationOftenthosegrieving have difficulty talking about their grief or articulating their feelingsaboutalossTheoverwhelmingneedforsomegrievingindividualstohavetheirstories heard is another indication of this chakrarsquos involvement Because theassociatedsensewiththischakraishearingwecanunderstandtheimportanceofvoicingpainfulaswellasjoyfulmemoriesinthemidstoflossFifth-chakradisturbancescanalsoresultinsorethroatsandpainintheneckandshouldersmdashareasverycommonlyaffectedbygriefThesensationoffeelingchokedcanbeassociatedwiththischakraaswell
THIRD-EYECHAKRAWISDOMFOUNDWITHIN
The sixth chakra (ajna) lies in themidline of the brain directly above thespinal columnandcorrespondswith thepinealglandThischakracontrols themuscles and theonset of sexual activity inhumans It has control over all thefunctionsofthebodyItisthechakraofpuremindrepresentingahigherlevelofawarenessItisusuallycalledtheldquothirdeyerdquoanditissaidthatwhereasthetwophysicaleyes lookoutward the thirdeye looks inward In thatsense it revealsthe intuitive knowledge independent from the information supplied by thesenses
Ajnaisthewitnessingcenterwhereonebecomesthedetachedobserverofallevents including those within the body and the mind Sleep disorders are atypicalinvolvementofthischakrabecauseofitsrelationshiptothepinealglandand its main biochemical product melatonin Because of its connection withinner vision we might experience broader issues related to our perceptionfinding difficulty in seeing the road ahead Other common symptoms includecoordinationproblemssuchasaccidentallybumpingintothefurniture
On a positive note this chakra serves as a reminder that it is by lookingwithin that we find the source of all the feelings and thoughts that come upduringtheupheavalcreatedbylossBywitnessingtheendlessfluctuationsandchangeswithinourownmindswecanapproachstillnessInessencewhileourmindsstruggletounderstandourlossesourSpiritsknowandarereadytoacceptthem as a part of the normal cycle of life and existence The source of theknowledge thatwecanapply toprocessgriefcomesfromourconnectionwiththe intuitivewisdom the Spirit has rather than the acquired knowledge of thedualisticmindItisbecauseofthisdualisticaspectofthemindwhichisunableto recognize the night if it does not know the day that we cling to thepermanence of things attempting to ensure the continuance of the treasuredconnectionsThemindstrugglestounderstandthateventhoughalovedonemaybeabsentheorsheisstillpresentandinterwoveninthefabricofouridentity
CROWNCHAKRAWITNESSTOAGREATERREALITY
The seventh chakra (sahasrara) is the culmination of the kundalinirsquosenergeticpathwayseenastheseatofhigherawarenessItissituatedatthetopof the head and is physically correlated to the pituitary gland called theldquocommandcenterrdquowhichregulatestheentireendocrinesystemOnasymboliclevel it is in thischakrawhere thedualmindis transcendedandweenter intoperfectconsciousharmonywiththeonenessoftheuniverseWhenthischakraisout of balance during bereavement it results in depression alienation andconfusionThischakraalsorelatestothechallengesthatgriefimposesononersquosownspiritualbeliefs
BodyArmorADifferentTakeontheChakras
Thechakrasystemidentifiesspecificlocationsinthebodyandrelatesthemwith different types of emotions Wilhelm Reich the famous Austrianpsychoanalystcameupwithasimilarnotionwhenhedescribedhisconceptof
ldquobodyarmorrdquoheanalyzedhowmentalconflictsareexpressedinthebodyoftenthroughmuscularornervoustensionandhowthismechanismcouldbeintendedto protect the consciousness from accessing psychic content associated withtheseareas(1949)
EssentiallyReichrsquosviewis thatweshieldourselveswith thestiffarmorofmuscular tensionandassociatedbody language toavoidexperiencingnegativefeelingsThefieldsofpsychosomaticmedicineandsomaticpsychotherapyhavefurtherdeepenedthestudyof thesemechanismsandfoundrevealingcorrelatesbetweendiseaseprocessesandwhatanindividualisgoingthroughinhisorheremotional and psychic life For example when an individual is dealing withboundaryissuesheorshemightdevelopaskinconditionWhensomeonefindsit intolerable toexamineonersquos realityeyeproblemsmightdevelopOfcoursenothing is quite as simple as the examplesgivenyet the relationshipbetweenourmindsandourbodiesisundeniable
Whenconsideringthewidevarietyofsymptomsfoundingrief itbecomesevidentthatgriefaffectsthewholebeingUnderstandingthesignificanceofthechakrasinourphysicalbodiesandhowtheyrelatetoouroverallexperienceiskeyinourthinkingaboutgriefwhenpracticingBylearningthedifferentrolesthat the chakras play in our bodies and how they affect us emotionally theeffects of our yoga practice are deepened Exploring our knowledge of thechakrasystemleadstoanefficientandhelpfulwaytounderstandthemind-bodyconnectionanditsrelationshiptothevaryingsymptomsofgrief
TheHeartChakraAStartingPointforGrief
Although all chakras are involved during the grieving process the heartchakraistheprimaryonewhentalkingaboutgriefBecauseemotionalbondingdevelopsthereanahata isanessentialchakratoaddresswhenbuildingayogapracticeforaddressingthesymptomsandconsideringthenatureofthegrievingprocess It is thebridgebetween the lowerchakrasand thehigherones In thewords of John Selby ldquo[B]elow the heart chakra lies the world of matter ofsurvivalandprocreationofmanipulationandmasteryoverthephysicalrealmsof life Above lies the world of Spirit of pure thought and intuition ofinterpersonalcommunicationandultimatelyuniversalunityandtranscendenceTheheartchakrainitsmostbasicsenseisthemarriageofmatterandspiritofconcrete and abstract of knowledge andwisdomof earth andheavenrdquo (1992147) It represents a specifically human kind of evolution the growth of
humanityoutofdepthsoflowerordersandemotionsAs theseatof love thischakra iswhereour truechallenge lieswhen loss
occurswemustgothroughthedifficulttransitionfromldquolovinginpresencerdquotoldquolovinginabsencerdquoWecanskillfullyaskourselvesaboutthelosswearefacingIsourgriefaconsequenceofpureloveorpureattachmentItmaybeinterestingto notice the overlapping of these closely related emotions but according toyogathereisindeedadifferenceAsitissaidinyogaldquoLoveiswhatrsquosleftafteryoursquove let go of everything you loverdquo In this sense attachment can be seenpracticallyastheoppositeofloveaconceptthatmanifestsinsuchphrasesasldquoIfyoulovesomethingletitgordquo
YogarsquosquestforunconditionallovealsopertainstotheideathatlovingwiththeconditionofpresenceisnotrealloveldquoIloveyouaslongasyouarearoundrdquoisaratherlimitingconceptonethatdoesnothonortheexpansivenessofloveItis yet another example of the dualistic mind that validates reality based onphysicalpresenceWhatwecannotseewhatwecannottouchwetendtotreatas nonexistent To accept that love continues despite the absence of ourattachmentwemust transcenddualistic thinkingandembrace the inevitabilityofchange
Practicing yoga helps us to better understand this duality of love andattachment By developing a deeper awareness of and working on our heartchakraandthephysicalsensationsandfunctionsassociatedwithitanindividualcan experience enlightening expansion resulting in profound healingWe gainthe ability to synthesize our physical mental and spiritual awareness into apractice that acknowledges both the relocation of the deceased and onersquos owncontinuedpresenceon thisplaneofexistenceWhatbetterwaytohonora lostlovedone
GriefrsquosChallengetoSpiritualityldquoNot yet settled in a permanent home the soul takes temporary shelter in abodyrdquo says Kural 340 (Subramuniyaswami 1999 136) Ultimately thedifferencebetween traditionalpsychotherapyrsquos treatmentof thegrieverand theyogicviewisthespecialattentionyogagivestotheSpiritThesolutionforallcausesofsufferingofferedinTheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliistoreducethemtotheir source and deal with the resistance of the mind through meditation(Satyananda1976)Someofthespiritualsymptomsassociatedwithgriefcanbeseeninthefollowingtable
SPIRITUALSYMPTOMSOFGRIEF
FeelingangryatGod
AskingquestionsaboutGodlikeWhywouldGodallowthis
Asking questions about death and the deceased such asWhere is shenow Is he okay Can she see meWill I see him againWhat willhappenwhenIdie
Sensingthedeceasedrsquospresence
Hearingsmellingorseeingthedeceased
Havingdeathaffirmorchallengebeliefs
Experiencingawewondermystery
Reflectingonpersonalfinitude
Feelingtheneedtocontinuearelationshipwiththedeceased
Table5Spiritualsymptomsofgrief
ForsomegrieverslosscausesasplitfromspiritualityDoubtssurfaceabout
how life can continue in any meaningful way after someone dies Godrsquosgoodness is questionedwhen a child is killed People often feel anger towardGodwhenthelosstheyaregoingthroughseemssenselessorunfairForothersa similar loss can actually be a creative spark to onersquos individual spiritualjourney igniting a flame that yearns to connect with their untapped SpiritInquirymightresultinfindingnewanswersorindiscardingtheoldones
Especially in the case of death the losseswewitness force us to face ourownmortalityWeanalyzeandquestion thenatureof therelationshipwehavewith our own Spirit Impermanence as we know it forces us to question ourbeliefstoinquireaboutthemeaningoflifeandtowonderabouttheunknownYogadrawsinspirationfromthistypeofself-inquiryIfinfactasyogateachesuswe have everythingwe need for a good life then goingwithin seems therightdirectiontotakeSearchingfortheSpiritwithinthenbecomesarefugeavalidplaceforunderstandingandcreatingmeaningoutofloss
LoveBeyondAttachmentGrief and suffering are intrinsically intertwinedTherefore yoga as a spiritualdisciplineisanaturalfitasausefulsystemtoaddressgriefGriefrsquosrelationshiptoattachmentdepicts thenormalreaction tooneof thefiveessentialcausesofsufferingasstatedbythesagePatanjaliestablishinghowloveisdifferentfromalmostopposite to attachmentPlacedemotionallyandphysically inourheartchakra love is the positive expression of the chakra and attachment is thenegativeone
IntheWesternviewattachmentequalsloveandisalmostapreconditionforsurvivalBased on this leaders in the field of griefwork find that one of thegoalsofgriefcounselingand therapy is todevelopnewhealthierattachmentsAccordingtotheteachingsofyogathiscourseofactionleadstomoresufferingand actually undermines the transformative potential of our own grievingprocessByaccepting theultimate truths that theuniverse isbasedonandbyrelyingontheimpermanenceofourobjectsofattachmentwecandeveloptrueand enduring love that transcends the limitations of the physical placing lovebeyondattachmentOnly thendoweget in touchwithour trueessencemdashonlythenratherthanendingourjourneybeginshellip
ldquoThesoulrsquosattachmenttothebodyislikethatofafledglingwhichforsakes
itsemptyshellandfliesawayrdquo
mdashKural338(Subramuniyaswami1999136)
Any valid practical model destined to help those who are grieving mustinclude the spiritual challenges that grief presents It must also deal with thewaysinwhichthebodyexpressesgriefandthemindacknowledgestheresultingsuffering
The following chapter demonstrates my contribution to assist grievingindividualswith the complexities that grief entailsOutof necessitywebeginthe journeyofpracticebymeetinganydifficultieswith the forcesofwillTheresults of the practice itself and the wisdom one receives from thistransformativeendeavorwillbothamazeandinspireyou
Chapter3
HowtheYogaforGriefReliefPracticeWorks
Regardless of which worldviewmdashWestern or Easternmdashsuits you best it isimportant to remember that you must meet yourself where you are In thischapter I offer insights related to the purposeof each categoryof exercises inrelation to grief so that you can better understand how to address your needsBeforethatbeginsletrsquostakealookatanimportantprinciplethatappliestoyogaingeneralThetoolisneverasimportantastheonewhoiswieldingit
A piece of information an exercise or a technique is only useful if theoperatoriscautiousrespectfulcapableandconsciousWhetheryoupreferthepsychology-based approach of the Western model or the more spiritualunderstandingofEasternphilosophywhatrsquosmost important is toidentifywhatyouwanttodowithyourgriefbypracticingyogaThetoolsthatyouareabouttoreceivewillhelpaidyouinyourpursuit
Hereisametaphorthatmayhelpyoutounderstandthepowerofawarenesslocatedwithin yourself as you begin the practiceThe blacksmith can alwaysforge himself a new hammer but the hammer cannot make itself a newblacksmith In other words you will see that the process of reidentificationsproutsfromthesorrowfulseedsthatlieamidyourowngrief
As you start tomove through the pain of loss ask yourself how youwillapproachandengage in theyogapracticeWhatwouldyou like toaccomplishwith it As you incorporate various techniques to help cope with differentsymptoms encountered in your grief you will notice changes in your bodymind and emotionsYour experience each timeyoupracticemaybeuniquelydistinctchangingdependingonthedayyourmoodyourphysicalstateoryourlife circumstances Sometimes doing the same yoga technique in themorninginstead of in the evening might reveal distinct information and produce verydifferenteffectsonthepractitionerAsyoureadthischapterkeepinmindthattheintentionofthepracticeistocontactthatpartofyourselfthatknowsnolossSome call it the observer the higher self or the true witness of all yourexperiences
HowThisPracticeWasBorn
When I originally created this practice for transforming grief a suitablesequence of techniquesmdashthe best possible information to serve grievingindividualsmdashcamepouringfromwithinmewithuncannyeaseIcanonlyrefertothisexperienceasanactofpureyogicinspirationForyearsIfeltshyaboutsharingthewayinwhichthispracticecametolifeDespitemystrongsenseofits therapeutic effectiveness I feared peoplewould underestimate the value ofthesequencebecauseithadnotrequiredmonthsofstruggleelaboratestudyordemanding intellectual focus Experiencing this spontaneous reception ofaccurateandappropriateinformationproducedinthedepthofmybeinggavemehumility and awe Even personally knowing the magic of yoga I still feltawkward about the easewithwhich this perfectly applicable sadhana showeditselfunveilingtomethetoolstoworkwiththebereaved
Sincethatextraordinarymomentbackin1994Ihavepersonallywitnessedthe power of Yoga for Grief Relief at work Whether in clinical or informalsettingsgrouporprivatesessionsprofessionaltrainingsorpersonalretreatsthetransformationalpowerofthissadhanacontinuestoamazeme
Incidentally it was much later that I was able to identify that preciousmissingelement inmyawarenessyoga iswithineachoneofusalreadyThisknowledge often manifests as intuition that influences our creativity and allaspectsofourlivesInitiallymyinsightsaboutthebodyrsquosinherentinvolvementinthegrievingprocesscamefrommyownexperienceIwitnessedhowmybodyexpressedwhatmymind could not accept regarding the death ofmy belovedmother
When shedied Iwasayoungmanadamantly refusing toacceptherdeathandthepainthatresultedfromitInsteadIcameupwithmultipleexcusesforescaping my present reality cleverly supporting my behavioral choices withthoughtsthatseemedtoworkItoldmyselfthatmymomdidnotbringmeuptobeasadcreaturemourningherdeathineverycornerofourhouseSoIbusiedmyselfwithstudyinganddistractedmyselfwithtripstothebeachIlookedforexcitementdancingallnightlongdrinkingandhavingablast
Two years after her death the denial of the impact and the tearing ofmyheartmanifestedphysicallyasabonespurrightinthecenterofmychestwhereone of my ribs meets the breastbone It resembled calcifications that areproduced internally after a fractureorchestratedby thebody to strengthen theskeletalsystemYesIhadabrokenheartandmybodyshowedthattome
When the Yoga for Grief Relief practice assumed its full form it wasembracedbypractitionersasausefulsetoftoolsaffirmingtheeffectivenessand
perfectionofengagingancientyogatoaddressthevarioussymptomsofmodern-daygriefAsIcarefullybuilttheYogaforGriefReliefprogramIfirstincludedexercises that I thoughtwould take careof themoreobviousbodily effectsofgriefNextIaddressedtheproblemofperceptionsofthebereavedmindinordertoeffectchange in theneuroendocrinesystemFinally Isought tohelppeoplechangetheirperceptionofthelossandredefinethemselvesbasedonanewfoundself-awareness
TheActivePrinciplesofthePracticeYogaoffers techniques toenhanceourawarenessof the inherentvibrantunityamong body mind and spirit For the body yoga offers asanas or physicalmovementsthatimprovevitalfunctionsandenhanceemotionalawarenessForthemindyogausespranayamaorbreathworkBecausethequalityandrhythmof our breathing changes as we experience different thoughts and emotionsactivelyworkingwithourbreathingpatternscanbeausefulwaytoaddressthementalsymptomsencounteredingriefFinallyyogaoffersmeditationtoaddressthe Spirit since once the body is still and themind entertained thatwhich isneithermindnorbodycanmorefullymanifest
The yoga system is precise in how it prescribes exercises for specificsymptomsmuchlikeWesternmedicinedoesyetitisuniqueinacknowledgingthat each exercise addresses the full being The six significant categories thathelpustomovethroughthegrievingprocessarebreathworkbodymovementscleansingtechniquesrelaxationmindreprogrammingandmeditation
PranayamaIntroducingLifeControlThroughBreathWork
Pranayamainvolvesworkingdirectlywithourmostabundantlife-bestowingenergy our breath (prana) These exercises restore our sense of control byconnecting us to our innermost vitalitywhich easily falls out of balance afterlossConsciouslyworkingwithourbreathhelpstoreestablishbalanceandcopewith the fearsome loss of control that grief often presents It also helps us toacquaintourselveswithourmindsmoreintimatelytoobservethewaysinwhichweprocessouremotionsBasedonthisobservationwecandecidewhichtoolsweneedtousetoactivateourenergywhenfeelingdepletedortorelaxandfeelcalmwhenfeelinganxious
Because breathing is automatic and normally performed unconsciously
working consciously with the breath helps us to bridge the gap betweenconsciousandunconsciousEach timeweengage thebreath thiswaywehelpunite the intentional conscious mind and the more hidden unconscious mindallowingustofocusonthoseaspectsthatremainintheshadowycornersofourawareness
It is impossible to change thatwhichwe donrsquot knowor acknowledgeWeneed to recognize the existence of somethingbeforewe can transform it It isthroughourbreathawarenessthatweanchorourauthenticexperiencebringingattention to life in the present moment Our challenge is acknowledging theactual moment as is rather than what we think about it the intention is toactuallyexperienceandviewtheconcreterealityofthemoment
InUruguaywhereIwasbornthereisapopularsayingldquoAlifeistowriteabook to plant a tree and to bring up a childrdquoMy spiritualmasterMaharajiPremPalSinghRawatgivesitabeautiful twistsayingldquoLifeisonebreathinandonebreathoutnomorenolessSoactuallywritingabookplantingatreeorbringingupachildarelsquostoriesrsquoofliferdquo(1990)Givingpresencetoourbreathwegivepresencetoourlifeaswell
ThetediousnatureofthebereavementprocessdemandsoratleastrequestspatienceandawarenesssomethingconsciousbreathingdevelopsAfterallitisnotpossibletotakethenextbreathbeforethepresentoneiscompletethisistheonlywayinwhichlifecanhappenjustonebreathatatime
AsanaToolsforTransformingtheBody
Specificphysicalposesalterthesymptomsofgriefbyaddressingpainlackofenergyandvariousstructuralmalformationsourbodiescancontortintosuchashunchedbacksorcaved-inchestsThesetoolsforsomatictransformationcanbeputintopracticetopromotemovementofthephysicalandpsychiccontentsin the body Essentially any symptom whether psychological or physicalindicatesablockageofenergyresultinginthedisruptionofthenaturalbalanceofourhealthBypromotingthemovementofenergyweallowthelifeforcetoflowtothoseplacesin thebodythatneedit themostWealsobringthelatentcontentsofourmindstothesurfaceofconsciousnessmakingthemavailabletowitnessexploreandultimatelytransform
Our bodies are profoundly involved in the grieving process and infinitelywiserthanourmindsTappingintothebodyrsquoswisdomthroughmovementwhilemonitoring our intensified sensations and feelings gives us a much-needed
awarenessoftheconnectionofbodyandmindIntentionallyengagingourbodyin thesepractices is essential for our continuedoptimalhealth andwell-beingEstablishingtheconnectionmentallyandphysicallyallowsthemindtousethebodyasananchorduringtimesofunrest
Whenfacedwithanexperiencethatweperceiveas threateningwetendtoshield ourselveswith emotional armor built from previous pain and sufferingHabituallycuttingofftheflowofourlifeforcetoavoidcontactwithunpleasantfeelings literallypreventsus fromprocessing thepainofour emotionsLikeahouseofcardsbuiltonillusionthischaradedepletesourresourcesanddistractsusfromthetaskofworkingwithourauthenticfeelings
Performing these asanas challenges the holdings of the bodyrsquos armor (seeldquoBodyArmorADifferent Take on theChakrasrdquo in chapter 2) and helps thenatural energy hubs (chakras) connect enhancing the continuous flow ofconsciousness By stirring up the emotional and psychic contents held in themusclememorywe can connectwith our story throughour bodyrsquos display ofbothstrengthandweakness
As you will find many of the asanas presented here support the bodyrsquosvigorouschallengetofacethesymptomsofgriefYogicactionisgreatlyvaluedand especially effective in transforming griefAmong themanyother benefitsyoga offers choosing specific postures helps the body release some of theunwantedgrief-inducedchemicalspresentinthebloodstream
ShatkarmaACleansingTechniquefortheMind
Shatkarmaisagroupofyogiccleansingtechniquesusedtoreleaseemotionsthoughtsorphysicalexperiencestrappedinthebody-mindThisprocesscanbelikened to cleaning the surface of a crystal First it allows us to dealwith thegrime then it addresseswhat lies below and finally it encounters the pristineclarityofthecrystalundisturbedbywhatcloudedit
Intheparticularcaseofdealingwithgriefbeliefsystemsworldviewsandpreexistingmentalprogrammingusuallycloudourability toperceiveourgriefasnormalThetoxicbyproductsofstressthedebilitatingactionontheimmunesystem and the neurologically induced negative anticipatory thinking can andmustbetransformedsowecanstarttofeelbetteranddiligentlyandpurposefullyaccessthehiddengemfoundwithingrief
RelaxationCombatingStress
Relaxing practices such asanga shaithilya or self-relaxation are vital fordiminishing stress levels that areusuallyheightenedduringgriefAdjusting toournewundefinedrealityoften involves learningnewcopingskillsForsomeof us that alone can increase stress Relaxation is a potent normalizer andantidotetodealwiththeresultingsymptomsofbothsomaticallyexpressedstressandmentalanguishAngashaithilyaalsohelpsregulatedisturbedvitalfunctionssuch as breathing and cardiac rhythms sleep cycles and eating habitsRelaxation is also fundamental in helping the body achieve homeostasisbalancing blood-pressure levels and resetting the overall endocrine systemwhich in turnhelps to reduceourdramaticmoodswingsandgeneral stateofirritability
SankalpaResettingtheMind
OneofthemosteffectivementalreprogrammingtechniquesyogapossessesisSankalpa thepowerfulyogicprinciple referred toasldquoResolverdquoSettingourintentionorsayingaprayeroftenoutloudcanhelpresetthebrainandfocusthemind The application for grief in particular helps address the scattered andshatteredlinearthinkingthat issocharacteristicofgriefByfocusingthemindand identifying the present situation grieving individuals can clarify whatspecificchanges they intend toaccomplishThis tool is simplycalledResolveanditsurelyldquoresolvesrdquoThispracticeengagesourfullpresenceindicatingthatone is resolved to take the next step Resolve combats negative anticipatorythinking that stems from grief-induced disturbances of the limbic system Itaccomplishesthisbyformulatingintentionsonlyinthepresenttenseproducingpositive mental alignment and offering a powerful antidote for fear-basedruminations
MeditationTheChiefTechniquetoAddresstheSpirit
Many people think meditation involves stopping the mind Due to thiserroneousmisconceptionmanyfrustratedandconfusedseekerschoosetototallydiscard meditation In truth the attempt to stop the mind is futile since itcontradictsthemindrsquosinherentfunctioningwhichconstantlyshiftsfromthepast
tothefuturefromtherealtothefantasizedRatherthanattemptingtostopthemindmeditationofferstheever-changingmindalimitedrangeofchangemdashforexamplegoingfromchantingoneomtoanotherormovingfromonerepetitionoftheRosarytoanotheroneThisinturncomfortablydistractsthemindduetoanaturalfeatureofthebrainthatmaskspermanentstimuli
TobetterunderstandthismaskingfeatureimaginesomeonewhomovestoanewhomeinfrontofrailroadtracksandhearseachandeverypassingtrainAfewmonthslaterwhileentertainingathomeadinnerguestexpressesprofoundconcernabouttheintensenoiseldquoWowthesetrainsmustdriveyoucrazyrdquoThehostqueriesunthinkinglyldquoWhattrainsrdquo
HowthePracticeFunctionsasaWholeThe sadhana that Irsquove developed follows its own inherent rhythm leading usthroughprogressivesteps for transforminggriefFirst ithelpsusprepare tobepresentforthefullpaletteofourfeelingsthenitpromotestheproperflowoflifeforcecreatingoptimalconditionsforhealingNext itstirs theemotionalheartdeepeningourconnectionwithouremotionsandthenitprovidesanoutletforthe ones we want to release Subsequently it offers some control over theemotionalrollercoasterofgriefsothatbalancecanthenbeachievedThroughrelaxation thedeep releaseof internalandexternal stressors follows readyingthemindtoaccessnewprogrammingWethenhaveamoredirectunobstructedpathwaytothedepthofourSpiritforcreativelyredefiningournewidentity
OvercomingBarrierstoPractice
ThesadhanapresentedinthisbookisapracticeThereforeitrequiresyourcommitment to practice for you to reap the desired benefits This may seemobvious toyouyet that isnot so formanypeopleSomehope thatby simplyreadingthismaterialtheirsymptomswillspontaneouslyabateOthersalthoughencouragedby the results seenafter just a few initial rounds simplywill stoppracticebecausetheydonothavethewillorstrengthwithintocontinueSomereport that they donrsquot practice because of lack of appropriate support othersbecausetheyarewaitingforthemostidealconditionsthatneverseemtoshowupAlloftheseareexcusesthatcanandmustberesolved
SuccessinyogaandtheabilitytomanifestthebestpossiblelifeisbasedontwocoreprinciplespracticeandnonattachmentWorkingonnonattachment is
byfarmoredifficultthanworkingonestablishingapracticeEspeciallyduringexcruciatingly difficultmoments of bereavement the grievingmindmaywellresisttalkingaboutorconfrontingtheconceptofnonattachment
Asstatedinchapter1weonlygrievethelossofthatwhichweareattachedto This statement depicts exactly how grief and attachment are intrinsicallyintertwined
Eachpartofthesadhanaservestheoverallgoaloftransformingthecomplexexperience of grief by promoting body mind and spirit integration andrejuvenation
To accommodate the emotional waves and inherent fluctuations in thebereavementprocessIsuggestmaintaininganattitudeofdetachmenttowardtheimmediateresultsofpracticeSomedaysyourpracticewillbeintenseonothersitmaybemilderSomedaysyouwill feel content after practicing other daysyourpracticemighttakeyoutoplacesthatfeellessthansatisfyingThedeeperbenefitswill comeas a result of establishing a regular practiceKeep inmindthatinthebest-casescenarioaseriousdedicatedpracticecanactuallyleadonetononattachment
In the following chapter I will demonstrate how to do the practicesthemselveshoweachpracticehelpsusandhowtoestablishthebestlogisticstoensureasuccessfulpractice
Chapter4
WhatYouCanDoTheYogaPractice
This chapter features the sadhana a sequence of exercises presented in asimplewayandaspecificorderbestsuitedtoaidinyourgrievingprocessThepreviouschaptersharedinformationexplainingthegeneraleffectsofeachgroupof exercises This chapter explains how each technique specifically addressesgriefandhow topracticeeachoneby followingstep-by-step instructionsThechapter that follows this one will help you discern how and when to use theexercisesandifneedbehowtoadaptthemaccordingtoyourpersonalabilitiesand needsYoumay benefit from familiarizing yourselfwith both chapters asyou embark on your practice alternating between the two while learning thetechniquesandplanninghowtointegratethemintoyourlife
Hereisanat-a-glancelistofthesadhanaexercises(alongwiththeirSanskritnames)intheorderIproposetheybepracticedin
YogaforGriefReliefSadhana
Pranayama
CompleteBreathing(MahatYogaPranayama)
Asana
EnergyFlowSeries(Pawanmuktasana1)
Windmill(VayuChakramAsana)
AttitudeofDischarging(UtthitaLolasana)
Shatkarma
ConcentratedGazing(Tratak)
Pranayama
Alternate-NostrilBreathing(NadiShodhanaPranayama)
Relax
Self-RelaxationTechnique(AngaShaithilya)
MentalReprogramming
Resolve(Sankalpa)
Meditation
BreathMeditation
AcceptingLifeFully
ldquoLifeisonebreathinandonebreathouthelliprdquo
mdashPremPalSinghRawat
PracticingCompleteBreathingallowsyoutogetintouchwiththequintessentialmovementinyourlifeonebreathinandonebreathoutDuringbereavementthemindisconfusedinitsattempttograspanewrealityandtendstoruminateonthepastoranticipateanegativefutureSinceneitherof these tendenciesallowyoutoinhabitthepresentmdashtheonlyplacetoreallybemdashitisimportanttobringawarenesstowhatlifeisreallylikeinthemomentThisexercisecalmsthemindwhilethebodybenefitsfromreceivingaproperintakeofoxygenwhichhelpstoalleviatetheshortnessofbreathcommonlypresentwhengrieving
CompleteBreathing(MahatYogaPranayama)
Prior toactuallypracticingCompleteBreathing letrsquos takea lookatapreparatoryexercisethatwillhelpyoubetteridentifythethreepartsinvolvedinthetechnique
PreparationforCompleteBreathing
1 Lieonyourbackfindacomfortablepositionandplaceyourarmsatyoursideswithpalmsfacingup
2 ConnectwithyourbreathandobservethebreathrsquosnaturalrhythmObservetheinvolvementofyourbellyribsandchestinyourbreath
3 BringyourrighthandtothelowerbellykeepingtheelbowonthefloorBringthelefthandontoyourchestInhalebringingairmostlytothebellyExhalesoftlycontractingthebellyContinuetobreathethiswayforafewroundsNotethatatthistimethereshouldbenomovementofyourlefthandorintheribcageareaWitnesstherighthandmovingupanddownwhiletheleftremainsstill
4 Nowmovebothhandstotheribcageplacingthethumbatthebackoftheribscloseto
thespineandyourfingersinfrontMakesurethattheinneredgeofthehands(thumbtothetipoftheindexfinger)followsthecurveofyourribsRestthetipoftheindexfingerasclosetothefrontpartoftheribsasyoucanInhaleallowingtheribstoexpandExhaleallowingtheribstocomebacktowardthecenterofyourbodyastheycontractCompresstheribsslightlytowardthecenterofthebodywithyourhandsattheendoftheexhalationContinuetobreathethiswayforafewroundsNotethatthechestandbellyshouldexperiencelittlemovementatthistime
5 PlaceyourhandsbackatyoursidesforamomentbeforebringingthemtotheirpreviouspositionlefthandatthechestrighthandatthelowerbellyInhaleallowingthechesttofillupNoticethecollarbonesmovingtowardthejawboneThenexhaleallowingthechesttosoftlycontractasitreturnstotheoriginalpositionContinuetobreathethiswayforafewroundsAtthistimethereshouldbenomovementofthebellytherighthandortheribcagearea
Now that each phase of breathing has been broken down for you bring it together insequenceasCompleteBreathing
CompleteBreathing
1 Inhaleslowlyexpandingyourabdomen
2 Thenfullyexpandyourribs
3 Thenexpandthechestoutwardandupward
4 Exhalerelaxingfirsttheabdomenthentheribsandthenthechestfirstdownwardandtheninward
5 PracticecontinuousinhalationsandexhalationsTheremaybeatendencytoallowthebellytofallwhilebringingairintothechestDoyourbesttokeepthebellyfullduringinhalationandasyoucontinuetoengagetheremainingparts
Suggestedtime5minutes
Benefits
Itmaximizesyourinhalationsandexhalations
Ithelpsyougaincontrolofthebreathcorrectsalteredbreathingpatternsandincreasesoxygenintake
Itbringsawarenesstotheareawherethemainchakrasarelocatedthereforeenhancingconsciousconnectionwithrelatedthoughtsandsensations
Itservesasasymbolicacceptanceofthetotalityofthegrievingprocess
Ithelpspromoteapsychologicalsensationofgreatercontroloverlife
Precautions
Thewholeprocessshouldbeonecontinuousmovement
Eachphaseofbreathingmovesintothenextwithoutanyobvioustransitionpoint
Ifexperiencinglowerbackpainplaceacushionorothersupportunderyourknees
Contraindications
None
On a psychosomatic level by engaging your abdominal muscles duringCompleteBreathing you can connectwith gut feelings such as anger fear orguiltRawfeelingsexperiencedbytheheartoftenencounterresistancefromthemindThere isa reasonwhymanypeople refer to feelinganxiousashavingaknotintheirstomach
TheintercostalmusclesholdtheribstogetherandrelatetosafetyTheyarethemusclesthathelpprotectourpreciousvitalorgansItiscommontoseetherib cage locked in defensewith frightened and abused individualsBy tensingthe intercostals an individual attempts to re-create a sense of security that isbeing threatened Asking yourself questions to identify the threatmdashldquoWhat isthreateningmeHowcanImaintainasenseofsecurityWhatmightIneedtodordquomdashcanskillfullyelicitmuch-neededintrospectionAllowingtheribcagetoexpandissymbolicofyourintentiontobeflexibleregardingsafety
ThepectoralbreathrelatestoemotionsoryourelaboratedgutfeelingsMostofusfirstfilterourgutfeelingsthroughtheparametersofwhatweconsidersafethen transform them into complex emotions including other aspects related toourbeliefsystemsintellectualconsiderationslearneddefensemechanismsandmore
ldquoThewayinwhichyoubreatheisametaphorforthewayinwhichyouareliving your lifeAre you taking little sips of breath as though you donrsquot havepermission to takeupmuchspaceon theplanetrdquoasksAmyWeintraub(2004125)YourpracticeofCompleteBreathingissymbolicofyourcommitmenttoafullbreathandafulllifeThereforeyouareabletotrulyinhabitthepresentanddealwiththefeelingsthatgriefstirsupYoumightnotlikethesefeelingsyetitisnecessarytobepresentforthemiftheintentionistomovethroughthegriefprocess in a healthy way By exhaling fully you are also committing tocompletelylettinggoofwhatnolongerservesyoumdashperhapsagoodtrade-off
SomepeopleknowadifferentwayofpracticingthistechniquecalledDurgausingbellyribsandchesttoinhalebutexhalingusingchestfirstthenribsandbelly last I propose using belly ribs then chest for both inhalation andexhalation because it facilitates filling and also emptying the lungs mostefficiently Imagine one of those tubes of frosting with a metal tip used fordecoratingcakesIfyoureallywanttoemptyityoumustfirstpressthebottomthen the middle and last the tip The same applies to the lungs which arebasicallytwotriangleswiththebasefacingtowardthebottomofthetorsoThelungsemptymostcompletelywhen lowering thebelly first then theribs thenthechestThisactionalsoallowsforastrongerinhalationaftereachexhalationbecause nothing can be filled up completely if it has not been previously
emptiedAfter you havemastered the use of the three areas involved in this breath
workpleasepracticeCompleteBreathingusingyourpersonalbreathingrhythmPracticingbreathinginthewayIrsquoveindicatedcanbesymbolicallyusedasasignofyourwillingness toembrace thefullnessofyourgrievingprocessOnce thebreath is made conscious and its use enhanced by the practice of CompleteBreathingthenwecanattempttocontroltheflowoflifeforce
UnblockingtheFlowoftheLifeForceThisasanaseriesisamasterpieceofyogamdashatruegemmdashthoughperhapsduetoits simplicity deceptive power and gentle efficiency it is not alwaysacknowledged as such Unblocking the life forcersquos flow is essential whenattemptingtoregainhealthandpromotechangeThewordpawanmeansldquodivinewindrdquo and relates to the life force that comes with the breathmukta meansldquoreleaserdquo and asana means ldquoposerdquo Therefore pawanmuktasana translates toposes that removeblockages thatprevent thefree flowofenergy inbothbodyandmind This technique should be practiced from beginning to end withoutskippinganypart
EnergyFlowSeries(Pawanmuktasana1)
Sitwithyourlegsstraightandyourhandsbehindyourbodyfingerspointingawayfromyourtoes
ToeBending
1 Bringawarenesstoyourtoes
2 Nowrollthetoesforwardthenback
3 Keepyourawarenessonyourtoes
AnkleBending
1 Separateyourlegsslightlysothatwhenyouperformanklerotationsyourfeetdonottouch
2 Bringawarenesstoyourankles
3 RotateyouranklesinoppositedirectionskeepingthetoesrelaxedMakeaswidearotationasyoucomfortablycan
4 Nowreversedirections
KneeBending
1 Bringawarenesstoyourknees
2 Liedownonyourbackwithyourhandsunderthesacrumpalmsfacingdownandthesolesofyourfeetonthefloorkneesbent
3 Straightenyourrightlegupfully
4 Letthecalffallbendingattheknee
5 Nowswitchlegsandrepeat
6 Onceyouhavecycledthroughbothlegsstretchyourlegsoutfullyonthefloorremovingyourhandsfromunderthesacrumandlyingflatcontinuetobeawareofyourknees
HipRotation
1 Bringyourawarenesstothehips
2 Lifttherightlegslightlyoffthefloor
3 CrosstherightleglowovertheleftlegtowardyourleftarmkeepingthekneestraightKeepyourgluteusmusclesbackandshouldersflatonthefloortoavoidtwistingyourwaist
4 Bendtherightkneebringingittowardyourface
5 Opentherightlegouttotherightandstraightentheknee
6 Bringtherightlegtowardtheleftleg
7 Continuewiththerotationmakinganotherlargecircle
8 Repeatthecyclewiththesamelegbutrotateintheoppositedirection
9 Repeatwiththeleftleg
SpinalTwistProstrationPose
1 Bringyourawarenesstothewaist
2 Situpfromthelyingdownpositionandspreadyourlegsapart
3 Inhaleandbendthebodyforwardbringingyourarmstowardyourtoes
4 NowswingtheupperbodytotheleftandonanexhalebringyourtorsodowntothefloorcreatingatwistatthewaistYoushouldendupwithyourhandsandchinonthefloorandelbowsupMakesureyouleaveyourrightbuttockasclosetothefloorasyoucanwhilealsobringingtheleftshoulderdowntowardthefloor
5 Nowinhaleandcomeupswingingtheupperbodybacktowardyourfeet
6 Onanexhaleswingthebodytotherightside
7 Repeat
Besureyourchinrestswherethebackofyourheadwouldbeifyouwerelyingdown
HandClenching
1 Findacomfortablesittingposition
2 Keepingthespinestraightbringyourhandstothekneeswithpalmsfacingup
3 Bringawarenesstoyourfingers
4 Stretchthearmsforwardandstretchyourfingersspreadingthemapart
5 Thenbendyourfingersincreatingtwofists
6 Uncurlyourfingersandbringyourhandsbackdowntorestonyourkneeskeepingawarenessonyourfingers
Wrist-JointRotation
1 Moveawarenesstoyourwrists
2 StretchthearmsforwardagainmakingtwofistsKeepyourthumbsinsidethefists
3 KeepingyourhandsinthatpositionbringthemupandrotateyourwristsinoppositedirectionsKeepyourarmsparallelwiththefloorandmakesuretokeepthemstraighttheforearmsfacingdownrotatingonlythewrists
4 Nowreversethedirection
5 Bringyourhandsbacktothekneesrelaxthemandremainwithyourawarenessonthewrists
ElbowBending
1 Bringyourawarenesstotheelbows
2 Stretchtherightarmforwardwithpalmfacinguparmparalleltothefloor
3 Holdtherightarmwiththelefthandatthebicepareasupportingthewholearmsoitremainsatshoulderlevel
4 Bendtheelbowbringingyourfingerstotheshoulder
5 Nowlettheforearmfallforwardstraighteningyourarmagainwiththepalmfacingup
6 Changearmsandrepeat
7 Nowbringyourarmsdownrelaxingthemandplacingyourhandsattheknees
8 Keepyourawarenessontheelbows
ShoulderSocketRotation
1 Bringawarenesstoyourshoulders
2 Onaninhalemovethetipsofyourfingerstothetipsofyourshoulders
3 ExhaleplacingtheelbowstogetherinfrontofyourchestYourelbowsshouldtouch
4 InhalebringingtheelbowsupthenbackMakesurethehandstouchatthebackoftheneck
5 ExhalebringingtheelbowsdownthenforwardcompletingthecircleMakesuretokeeptheneckrelaxed
6 Repeattheexercisewiththeelbowsrotatingintheoppositedirection
7 Whendonebringyourhandstorestonthekneesrelaxingtheshoulders
NeckRotations
1 Bringawarenesstoyourneck
2 Lettheheadfallforward
3 Nowbringtheheadupthenletitrollbackopeningthemouthslightly
4 Repeatthemotion
5 Nowbringyourheadbackstraighttoitsoriginalpositionandtiltitslightlytotherightbringingtherighteardowntowardtherightshoulder
6 BringtheheadbackupandtiltittotheleftbringingthelefteardowntowardtheleftshoulderDonrsquotturnyourneckonlymovethehead
7 Nowbringthechindowntoyourchest
8 Bringthechinupandmoveittowardtherightshoulder
9 Thenbringyourchinuppointingittowardtheceiling
10 Nowmoveyourchintowardtheleftshoulder
11 Thenbringitdowntowardthechest
12 ReversedirectionsRemembertokeepyourshouldersandhandsrelaxedasyoucyclethroughthemovementsKeepyourawarenessonyourneck
Suggestednumberofrepetitionsnolessthan3timeseachmovement
Suggestedtime10minutes
Benefits
Itpromotesthefreeflowoflifeforce
Itoptimizestheconditionsforhealing
Itstimulatesproperlymphaticdrainage
Itimprovesproperjointfunctionalitycombatingtheeffectsofarthritisandotherdegenerativeillnesses
Itrelaxesthemusclesofthebodyandtheimpulsesthattravelbacktothebrainrelaxingthemind
Ittunesuptheautonomicnerves
Itbalanceshormonalfunctions
Itimprovesvitalorganfunctions
Itimprovestheattentivefacultyofthemind
Precautions
Stayfocusedoneachbodypartpriortomovingitwhilemovingitandafterwardaswell
BesensitivetopainassociatedwithpotentialpoppingsoundswhenmovingthehipsIfthepoppingisnotpainfulyoumightcontinue
IfmomentarilyunabletoperformamovementdonotskipthatjointorplaceRathervisualizethemovementasfullyasyouareabletothencontinuewiththesubsequentjoint
Contraindications
Thisseriesneedstobemodifiedifyouhaveinjuriesorlimitationsinanyparticularjointinvolved
Thosesufferingfromsciaticaorlowerbackndashrelatedconditionsshouldbesensitivetopainwhenperformingthoseasanasthatinvolvethisareaofthebody
Theneckexercisesshouldnotbeperformedfullybythosesufferingfromhighbloodpressureorextremecervicalspondylosis
As we free the energy in our body it flows from healthy places tocompromised areas promoting the flow of the life force nourishing the bodyfromwithinandallowingittohealGriefisnotanillnessalthoughattimeswecertainlyfeelquitesickOurbodiesacheyearningforthereestablishmentofourwell-beingAspracticehelpstorestoreorderandproperoverallfunctioningwearemoreequippedtocopewithgrievoushealthdisturbances
Placing our awareness on each joint helps us gain deeper contact withourselvesheighteningourperceptionofsensationsandfeelingsinthebody
Doing this offers thepossibilityof tapping into thebodyrsquos rhythmswhichare often much clearer than the perceptions of the mind After all we canrsquotchangewhatwedonrsquotknowWhilegrievingourawarenessisoftenmisguidedlyplacedon thedramaofour losses Increasingawarenessof thebody improvesthereceptivityofthemindbecauseoftheintricateunionofthesetwoaspectsofoursystem
Learninghowourbodyrespondstoouractionsisexpertlydemonstratedinthe alternation of first feeling a joint in stillness and then feeling it in actionWhenwe focus on how it feels tomove this part of our bodywe engage infeelingtheeffectsmoreprecisely
ThemonitoringoftheconditionofourjointsservesasamappingdeviceItis a fresh angle on self-reflection which enables us to witness progress Themoving body releases information regarding feelings and mental impressionsthatweholdinourmoleculesBycarefullylisteningtotheemergencewecanhear our own internal guidance taking us a step closer to reinforcing existingfeelingsorchangingthemtosuitourneeds
The flexions and extensions contractions and torsionsmdashall help the bodypurgeundesiredchemicalbyproductsofgriefTheseactionspromotethereleaseoftoxinsthatifleftinsidemakeouranxietygreaterourdepressiondeeperandourconfusionmorepronouncedMonitoringthedailychangeshelpsuswitnessthe small improvements that practice of this technique brings By witnessingthesedailymicroimprovementsyoucangainrenewedhopeinthepossibilityofincrementalshiftsthatreduceclassicalnegativeanticipatorythinking
Themindcanconvenientlyldquoforgetrdquosomejointssotry toremembertonotskip any of the exercises so as to avoid further blockages Even if you canrsquotmovea jointdue toafunctional limitationsimplyvisualize therotationOncewersquove cleared the pathways of the life force in the system we are ready tofurtherstirupourfeelingsandmakeadeeperandmoresignificantconnectionwith themmdashsomethingthefollowingexercise theWindmill isuniquelysuitedfor
WhiskingUptheFeelingsTheWindmillisthekeyasana intheYogaforGriefReliefsadhanaandgivesyou access to themost powerful resource you can tap intoAlthough it is notfound in classical yoga texts it relates to a similar exercise included inBioenergeticsatechniqueinventedbyAmericanphysicianandpsychotherapistAlexander Lowen (1994) I felt inspired to design theWindmill exercise andintegrateit intomygrief therapypracticebecauseof theprofoundeffect ithadon me As a somatic psychotherapist I was absolutely fascinated by theimmediate effect of how quickly whirling arm movements enhance theperceptionoffeelingsInadditionIlearnedthatintraditionalChinesemedicinesome rotational movements of the arms are often prescribed to deal withsymptomsofgriefpinpointedinthelungs
AnandaBalayogiBhavananiadearfriendandoneofthemodernscholarsofYoga in India provided me with a Sanskrit name for the technique vayuchakramasanaorldquowheelofairrdquoThroughmanyyearsofusingthistechniqueIhavecometorealizethattheeffectivenessoftheWindmillisabsolutelyduetothe intentionally direct contact with anahata chakra the heart center whereattachmentisdeveloped
Windmill(VayuChakramAsana)
RightArm
1 Standwithyourfeetparallelthekneesunlockedthespinestraightandyourarmsatyoursides
2 Turnthethumbofyourrighthandinwardtowardthelegfirstthenturnitbackwardsothatyourpinkyfacesforwardandyourpalmfacesouttotheside
3 InhaleasyoumoveyourarmforwardandupStopafterthearmpassesslightlybehindtheheadandholdyourbreathfeelingtheslightstretchinthepectoralmuscles
4 OpenyourmouthrelaxyourtongueandwhileexhalingletthearmdropbackanddownwhileemittinganldquoaaahrdquosoundAvoidbumpingyourlegwithyourarmasitdropsdowninafreefallAllowthearmtonaturallystopswinging
SemifastForm
1 Afteranumberofrepetitionsoftheslowformbendyourkneesslightlyandrotateyourarmcontinuouslyatmediumspeedfollowingthesamemotionasbefore
2 AllowforaquickinhalationthroughthenosefollowedbytheldquoaaahrdquosoundasyoucontinuouslyrotateyourarmMakesureyourarmrotatescontinuouslyAvoidholdingyourbreathasyoudidbeforeAvoidbobbingupanddownkeepyourkneesbentthroughout
FastForm
1 Increasethespeeduntilyourotatethearmasfastasyoucanwhilecontinuingtobreathemdashmorerapidlynowmdashandmakingtheldquoaaahrdquosound
2 Stopthemovementstraightenthekneesandconnectwithanyemotionsorfeelingsthatmightarisewithclosedeyes
Youmightexperiencepain inyourfingertips If thepain istoointenseyoumayholdyourarmuprightandallowthebloodtoflowawayfromtheextremitieswhichreleasesanypainalmost immediately Please also consider bearing with the pain because it might be aneffectivemetaphorforyourwillingnesstowithstandthepainofgrief
LeftArm
1 Repeatasfortherightarm
BothArms
1 Facebothpalmsoutwiththepinkiesfacingforward
2 Inhaleasyoumovebotharmsforwardandup
3 StopthemovementwhenthearmspassslightlybehindyourheadHoldyourbreathfeelingtheslightstretchinbothpectoralmuscles
4 Openyourmouthrelaxyourtongueandwhileexhalingletthearmsdropbackanddownwhileemittinganldquoaaahrdquosound
SemifastForm
1 Afteranumberofrepetitionsoftheslowformbendyourkneesslightlyandrotateboth
armscontinuouslyatmediumspeedfollowingthesamemotionasbefore
FastForm
1 Increasethespeeduntilyourotatethearmsasfastasyoucanwhilecontinuingwiththefastbreathandtheldquoaaahrdquosound
2 Stopthemovementstraightenthekneesandconnectwithanyemotionsorfeelingsthatmightarisewithclosedeyes
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10timeswhenperformingtheslowversionnolessthan10 times when performing the semifast and fast versions A better recommendationhoweverisforyoutosimplyself-regulatetherepetitionssincecountingthemcandistractfromtheupsurgeofemotionalcontent
Benefits
Itunblockstheheartchakraoxygenatingandrelaxingthepectoralmuscleswhileallowingthefeelingsandemotionstofindawaytothesurfaceofyourbodyandyourconsciousness
Itenhancestheupper-pectoralbreathincreasingthelungsrsquocapacitytoreceiveair
Itincreasesbloodcirculationtotheupperthorax
Ithelpsreleasetightnessintheneckandlessenthesensationoffeelingchoked
Itincreasesageneralfeelingofaliveness
Itincreasesthesensationinthesolesofyourfeetallowingadeeperfeelingofgrounding
Precautions
EnsurethattheneckremainsrelaxedandtheheadstaysstraightthroughouttheexerciseAvoidtiltingtheheadinanydirection
Keepyourkneesbent(whenpracticingthesemifastandfastforms)toreducelower-backimpact
Bearinmindthatalldegreesofpracticemdashfromvisualizationtofullperformancemdashareeffective
Remembernottobreakthestraightlineofyourpostureasyouexhaleandbringthearmsdown
Donottwistthebodytothesideorrotateitwhiledroppingthearmsdownasyouexhale
Contraindications
ThosesufferingfromrotatorcuffndashrelatedconditionsshouldonlyvisualizetheWindmillorperformitinawaythatdoesnotpromotepainIfpainappearsstopmovementthentryasimplerlessinvolvedvariation
ThesemifastandfastmovementsshouldbeperformedwithcarerespectingtheinherentlimitationswithregardtoanypreexistingconditionssuchasneckshoulderorbackinjuriesoraheartconditionIfanyofthesemovementspromotemorethanslightpainorifyouhavedoubtsaboutwhethertheyareappropriateforyouatthistimepleaseconsultamedicalprofessionalbeforeperformingthisexercise
TheWindmillhelpsactivatethepectoralmuscleswhilehelpingthescapulaeto rotate unlockingour emotional armor and relieving tension in the shoulderarea As the tense muscles start to loosen our perceptions change as buriedemotionsstartmigratingfromstuckplacesinthebody
The nature of the Windmill exercise is active I feel it is important toemphasize that although it is natural to resist the emotions these movementsmightbringupworkingthroughthemistheonlywaytotransformgrief
PracticingtheWindmillproveshelpfulforwhatwasoncetenselockedandshutawaytobecomeopenanddynamicYouareinvitedtomeetyourselffullywhenyouactivate thispartofyourbodyenhancing thepotential toalteryourperceptionofyourpreviouslyheldbeliefs
Justlikekidsthinktheyareinvisiblewhentheyhidebehindtheirownhandswhileplayingpeek-a-booweplayanadultversionofthegamebythinkingthatbynotnamingourfeelingsandignoringthemwedonrsquotfeelthemWeknowthateverybody can see the little kid behind his hands and in a similar way ourhigherselfcanseewhatwedonrsquotwanttoacknowledgeaspartofourexperienceHowcanwechange somethingwhenwedonrsquot know it is thereHowcanweconsciouslytransformabeliefifwearenotawareofit
Moving through thepainofgrief is anessential taskFeeling thepainandbecomingfamiliarwith it is thefirststepNextweconsciouslyworkwith thepainandtransformitthroughouractionsRememberthatyouhavenotactuallycreatedanyfeelingsbypracticingtheWindmilltheyarealreadythereinsideofyou
Theshortmomentofretentionofthein-breathallowsforanopportunitytomatchthebodyrsquospresentenvironmentofoverchargedfeelingsandtension thatyouaregoingthroughinlifeanditpreparesthesystemforthesubsequentreliefwhenswingingthearmbackanddownTheldquoaaahrdquosoundinducesyourabilitytoexpressyourselftogetthingsoffyourchestSoundhelpsopenthepathwaystowarda full expressionof theemotionsassociatedwith the loss andwith thenew situation that results Because grieving individuals need to be heardopening the avenues of communication both with yourself and others is veryimportantTheUniversebehavesaswavesusingsoundcanhelpyoubegin to
modifyyourrealityonacosmiclevelYourabilitytospeakyourtruthreshapesthecircumstancesthatcomposeyournewreality
DuringtimesofgriefacknowledgingwhereweareinrelationtoourprocesscanbechallengingProbablyinfusedbythesocietalawkwardnessaroundgriefmdashthe fact that nobody wants to talk about itmdashwe too feel awkward and notnecessarilycomfortableexposingourachingheartsshowingourtruepainThispromotes isolation and enhances the feeling that no one can understand usWhileitistruethatnotwoindividualsgrieveinthesamewayitisalsotruethatthereareuniversaltraitstoeveryonersquosgriefandsharinginthisprocesscanbeofimmense assistance at this time Being able to speak about your realitywhengrievingcanhelpyouemotionallyaccepttherealityofthelossThisisliberatingin itself provided that the other is a good listener What is a good listenerSomeone who is receptive accepting and willing to just listen and not giveadvicesomeonewhoisnotapttogiveflippantanswerssuchasldquoDonrsquotworryyoursquollbeallrightrdquo
SomeprefertheslowformoftheWindmillbecauseitismorepleasantthanthesemifastandfastformsPreferablythefasterformsofthetechniqueshouldbe practiced with supervision and closely monitored by an experienced andseasoned yoga therapist or even better by a competent body-orientedpsychotherapistTheelevatedenergetictoneofboththesemifastandfastformsoftenevokeveryintensefeelingsThewillingnessandreadinesstoexposeyourdeepestdefensemechanismsdemands increasedcaution compassion andcaretowardyourself
I have seen many yoga practitioners having breakthroughs with theWindmill tapping into their own unmasked hearts at times exhilarated bymerelywitnessingtheirownrichpaletteoffeelingsothertimesoverwhelmedbythe intensityof itallBecause theconsequencescanbevery intense I suggestusingtheslowformonlyatfirstYoumaywanttoleavetheothertwospeedsforatimewhenyoucanpracticewithproperguidanceandareemotionallypreparedtoworkwithwhatarisesWhileitistruethatyouwanttofaceyouremotionalrealityyoumustdosoinawaythatisfeasibleandproductiveforgrowth
The imageof awindmill using thepowerof thewind to grindgrains intoflourisasavalidanalogyasitexemplifiestheprocessofworkingthroughourown grief Transforming the hardness of the process into something we canderivenurturancefrommirrorsthehardshellonthegrainThemillingturnsthehardness into something thatwecanuseBy releasingour armoredpostureofprotectionwegainaccesstothehiddengemwrittenaboutearlierinthischapterChapter6furtheraddressestheaspectsofsuchatransformation
LetGoThe Attitude of Discharging exercise offers an extraordinary outlet for yourheightened feelings brought to consciousness after practicing the WindmillNow stirred up your emotions are available and accessible for creativeexternalization
ThisasanademonstrateshowyogacanbeusedtoaddressissuesattheircorebyhelpingindividualsdischargeunwantedfeelingsInsteadofofferingspecificantidotes foreach feelingweefficientlyassumeanattitudeof lettinggo tobeappliedtoanyandallfeelings
ThequestiongrievingindividualsaskmostoftenisldquoWhatdoIdowiththesefeelingsrdquoEventhoughfeelingsaretobefeltitistruethatmostofuswanttodosomething with them In the words of JWilliamWorden ldquoSadness must beaccompaniedbyanawarenessofwhatonehaslostangerneedstobeproperlyand effectively targeted guilt needs to be evaluated and resolved and anxietyneedstobeidentifiedandmanagedrdquo(200996)
Onceyouidentifyyourfeelingsyoucanassesswhatactionsareneededtoaddress them The following asana allows you to discharge negative andunpleasant feelings or perhaps to discharge those that prevent you fromaccessing the positive feelings you awaken by practicing the Windmill andwouldliketoexperiencemoredeeply
AttitudeofDischarging(UtthitaLolasana)
1 Standwithlegsapartfeetparallelandkneesbent
2 Onaninhalebringthearmsforwardandupthenbendbackwardmovingthepelvisforwardandtiltingtheheadback
3 Holdyourbreathattheendoftheinhalation
4 Openyourmouthrelaxthetongueandthenwhileexhalingswingtheupperbodyforwardanddownuntilcomingtoacompleterelaxationoftheupperbodyandemittinganldquoaaahrdquosound
5 WhileinhalingmovethearmsforwardandupRepeat
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10times
Benefits
Ittonesthespinalnerves
Itmassagesthevitalorgans
Itstretchesthehamstringsandbackmuscles
Itimproveslymphaticmovementanddrainagefromtheabdomenandbaseofthelungsallowingforanimprovedfullerbreath
Itstimulatesbloodflowtothebrain
Itfacilitatesdischargeofferingfeelingsandemotionalsensationsawayout
Precautions
Keepthekneesbentatalltimesincludingattheendoftheinhalationwhenyouarebentbackward
Makesuretheheadandarmscometoafullrelaxationaftereachdownwardswingingmovementwhenperformingtheregularversion
Contraindications
ThisasanashouldbemodifiedifpracticedbypeoplesufferingfromvertigoInthiscaseavoidplacingtheheaddown
Peoplewithhighbloodpressureshouldavoidthecompleteversionoftheasanalimitingtheforward-downmovementwiththeuppertorso
Thosesufferingfrombackconditionsparticularlyinthelowerbackneedtomonitorpainespeciallywhencomingupafterthedownwardswingingmovement
Thedifficultmomentofbendingbackwardattheendoftheinhalationmightmirror an equally challenging moment during bereavement that of feelingexposed awkward imbalancedvulnerableThe forcefuldownwardmovementoffersanopportunitytoreleasethoseembodiedfeelings
Irsquovefoundthreevariationsofthisposturetobeparticularlyhelpfultothosewhoaregrieving
The first variation includesperforming the technique in a continuous fashion andwith noretention of the in-breath at the end of each inhalation Always keep your knees bent toavoid locking them in an attempt to control the heightened intensity of feelings In mypractice Irsquove found that active people andmen in particular usually enjoy this variationbecause of its enhanced active component The constant use of the ldquoaaahrdquo sound alsotendstoresonatewithmenwhousuallyprefergrowlingouttheiremotionstotalkingaboutthem
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10times
AsecondvariationentailsldquoplacingrdquotheparticularfeelingyouneedtodischargeinthepalmsofyourhandsAsyoumoveforwardanddownvisualizethatemotionbeingreleasedintothe earth Holding the feeling in the palms helps the mind concretize the feeling andenhancestheintensityandfocusofthedischarge
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10times
A third variation has your hands making full contact with the floor at the end of theexhalationwith the ldquoaaahrdquosoundsustainedAvoid tapping thehandson the floor ratherkeep the full contact for as long as you are exhaling and emitting the ldquoaaahrdquo soundVisualizepushingthefeelingsforcefullyintothehotmagmaatthecenteroftheearthAllowthe upper body to fully lean on the hands and intensify the push imagining the emotiontravelingathighspeedandmeltingintotheearthrsquoscoreRememberthatmeltingsomethingdoes not get rid of it it merely changes its form In a similar way our feelings cannotdisappearbutinsteadcanbetransformedwithintentiontimeandwork
Suggestednumberofrepetitions3times
IfyouarecompromisedinyourbodilycapacitytoperformthisexercisebesafeandonlyengageuptoyourlimitorpracticebyvisualizingthetechniqueIrsquove evenproposed this exercise to people confined to awheelchair engagingonlytheupperbodyarmsandheadasavariationofthisposture
After performing such an intense asana we are now ready to move to aquietercalmerpracticetocontinueworkingwithourgrief
SleepBetterandAwakentoaNewPerspectiveThetechniquethatfollowsisusefultohelpbalancethepinealglandBecauseofitsinvolvementinregulatingthefunctionsoftheotherendocrineglandsthisisagoodway to reset the endocrine system in its entirety This exercise can helpindividualsstrengthentheirprotectionfromforeignagentsandavoidtherelapseofpreexistingconditionsthatoftenoccursatthisvulnerabletimeThisisduetothe relationship between the endocrine system and the immune systemparticularlyatthethymusglandThepinealglandisoftenheavilytaxedduringthegriefprocess and the insomniamanygrieversexperiencemdashor itsoppositeoversleepingmdashis the result of an imbalance in the melatonin it producesEngaging the optic nerves is a way of addressing this disturbance since theglandreactstolightregisteredthroughthesenerves
ConcentratedGazing(Tratak)
1 SitcomfortablyandextendyourrightarmwithyourfistclosedandyourthumbpointingupthethumbnailfacingyouIfyouneedsupportforthearmplacetheclosedfistofyourlefthandattherightarmpitYoumayalsobendtherightkneeanduseyourkneetosupportthearm
2 Locateadistantobject(atleast10feetaway)ateyelevelasafocalpointandplaceyourthumbnailwithinthelineofvisionbetweenyoureyesandthedistantobjectoffocusTheobjectbeingfocusedonshouldberelativelysmallsuchasadoorknobarockoradrawnblackdot
3 Focusonyourthumbnailfor1minute
4 Shiftyourfocustothedistantobjectfor1minute
5 Shiftbacktoyourthumbnail
6 Repeattheprocessofswitchingthefocus3times(6timesintotal)Avoidblinkingthroughouttheexerciseifyoucan
Suggestedtime Including1minuteof focusandthreeswitchesbetweenfocalpoints thepracticetakes6minutes
Benefits
ItstimulatestheopticnerveswhichpromptsthefunctionsofthepinealglandTheresultingbalancedlevelsofmelatonintendtoregulatemanybiorhythmsincludingthesleep-wakecycle
Ithelpsregulatestressbyinfluencingthefight-or-flightreactionandmodulatesthe
immunesystem
Itincreasesnervousstabilityremovesinsomniaandrelaxestheanxiousmind
Itimprovesthememoryandhelpstodevelopgoodconcentrationandstrongwillpower
Spirituallyitawakensajnachakra
Precautions
Alwaysavoidunnecessarystrain
Betolerantofdifferentexperiencessuchasseeingtwothumbsortwodistantfocalpointsmdashtheseexperienceschangewithtime
Contraindications
Thosesufferingfromglaucomashouldbesensitivetopainandmodifythepracticeasneededbyreducingthetimefocusingorthenumberofchangesbetweenfocalpoints
Many practitioners report falling asleep before completing a full round ofConcentrated Gazing With steady practice cosmic rhythms soothe the bodyhelping it remember when to sleep and when to stay awake The wisdom ofhealthy grieving lives more in the Spirit than in the mindWorking with thepineal gland is important for its connection with ajna chakra the third eyewhere we view life through awakened intuitive knowledge Our Spirit knowsthatthingsendandourbodiesareaccustomedtoprocessingendingsconstantlyyetitisourmindsthatwantthethingsweareattachedtotobewithusforever
ConcentratedGazingalsooffersasymbolicopportunity to takea lookathowwewant totransition through the next steps of our lives The two focal points one close and onedistant serve as symbols of the situations we go through when grievingWhen the oldrealityisnotthereanylongerandthenewoneisnotyetknownourcontrollingmindshavea hard time waiting The negative anticipatory thinking indicative of the limbic systemrsquosinvolvement ingriefmakesusperceivetheprojectednewrealitynegatively It fillsuswithideassuchasthinkingthatnoonewillloveusasmuchorthatnojobwilleversuitusinthesamewayThatmightbetrueorcompletelyfalseandwecanrsquotknowyetInthemeantimewe can only trust the journey and accept that changewill come Shifting focus from thethumbnail (our present situation) to the chosen distant point (the new reality to bediscovered)symbolizesthejourneyahead
DecidingonwhatcouldbethedistantfocalpointcanbeveryusefulindeterminingthenextstepsofthejourneyYoucanchooseapicturerepresentativeofhowyouwouldliketofeelinthefutureorthehouseyouwouldliketohaveorthejobyouwouldliketogetPlaceitinthedistancesowhenyouswitchtothatfocalpointyouareaddingintentionandmeaningtoyourpracticeDecidingwheretostartandwheretoend(with thedistantorclosefocalpoint)canaddstrengthtoyourabilitytomeetyourselfwhereyouareandtoyourprecisionindefiningyourfuture
Sometimes the eyesget tiredor strainedwhenpracticing this technique Ifthishappensrubthepalmsofyourhandstogetherthenbringthecuppedhandstoyoureyesandenjoythewarmthanddarknessthatcansoothethem
After acknowledging the reality of your loss identifyingwhere you are inthepresentmomentandbeginningtounderstandwhereyouwouldliketobeinthe futureyoucanpracticea technique thathelpsyoucontrolyour immediateenvironmentandeffectivelycalmsthemind
ControlIsSomehowPossibleOneoftherealitiesofgrief is that inmostcases thelosswasprobablyoutofourcontrolEvenwhenthelossistheresultofachoicethesubsequentsufferingisoftenunavoidableIfwehadcompletecontrolwewouldneverloseanythingnorwouldwechoosetosuffer
When confronting the challenges of grief themind and the body both gothrough symptoms thatmimic our discomfortwhen facedwith loss of control(difficultybreathingmuscletensionetc)Byactivelyengagingbothmindandbody through yoga exercises we can immediately bring back some sense ofcontrolintoourlivesOurmostimmediateconnectiontolifeisourbreathandbringingbalancetoitcanbeachievedbypracticingAlternate-NostrilBreathing
Alternate-NostrilBreathing(NadiShodhanaPranayama)
YoumaynotknowitbuttherightnostrilandtheleftnostrilrarelycarrythesameamountofairTrythissimpleexerciselickyourindexfingerinhaleandbringyourfingerclosetoyourrightnostrilwhileexhalingthenrepeatwiththeothernostrilWellUnlessyouareindeepbalanceatthistimeoneofthemcarriesmoreairthantheother
1 Sitinacomfortablepositionwiththeheadandspineuprightandtheleftarmbentoveryourbellysothattherightelbowcanrestontheleftforearm
2 HoldthefingersofyourrighthandinfrontofyourfaceResttheindexandmiddlefingersgentlyonthecenteroftheeyebrowsBothfingersshouldberelaxedPositionthethumbnexttotherightnostrilandtheringfingernexttotheleftnostrilThelittlefingershouldbecomfortablyfolded
3 Inhalethenclosetheleftnostrilwiththeringfingerandexhalethroughtherightnostril
4 Inhalethroughthesamerightnostril
5 Unblocktheleftnostrilandclosetherightonewiththethumb
6 Exhalethroughtheleftnostril
7 Inhalethroughthesamenostriltheleft
8 Unblocktherightnostrilandclosetheleftonewithyourringfinger
9 Exhalethroughtherightnostrilandinhalethroughthesamenostril
10 Continuethealternationonlychangingnostrilsaftertheinhalation
Suggested time5minutesofAlternate-NostrilBreathingplus5minutesofSingle-NostrilBreathingifdesired
Benefits
Itinducestranquilityclarityofthoughtandconcentration
Itincreasesvitalityandlowerslevelsofstressandanxietybybalancingtheflowoflifeforce
Itclearslifeforceblockagesandbalancestheflowinbothnostrils
Carbondioxideisefficientlyexpelledandthebloodispurifiedoftoxins
Itpromotesspiritualawakening
Precautions
Avoidforcingthebreath
Donotbreathethroughthemouth
SometimesonenostrilmaybeblockedpreventingtheeasyflowofbreathIftherightnostrilisblockedmakeafistwithyourlefthandandplaceitunderyourrightarmpitPressupagainsttheunderarmbringingyourrightarmdownContinuetopracticethiswayfor3minutesThenremovethehandRepeatfortheleftsideasnecessary
Contraindications
None
In yoga the right nostril relates to the sun masculinity activity givingdaytime extroversion social life partying The left relates to the moonfemininity passivity receiving nighttime introversion spiritual life restingWhen experiencing anxiety your right nostril is more engaged the oppositeoccurs when you are depressed or depletedmdashthe left nostril carries more airMaking the air go through both nostrils alternately brings your system into amorebalancedrelationshipbetweenyouractiveandpassiveaspectsoftheselfinfluencingthewayyouexperience thepresentsituation ItallowsthemindtocalmandtapintothealternationofallthingsThiscanhelpyoutrustthateventhoughyouarenowanxiousyouwilleventuallyrelaxandifyouaresadyouwilleventuallybehappyagain
The rightnostril also corresponds to the sympathetic energizingbranchofthe autonomic nervous system The left nostril is related to the relaxingparasympatheticbranchthatusuallyprevailswhenoneisgrievingBalancingtheactivity of these two aspects of your nervous system reestablishes the lost
equilibrium regulating your functions and balancing your reactions This isassuredlyamuchmorestablewaytorespondtoyournewenvironment
Practicingbreathingthroughasinglenostrilmdashprovidedthatitrsquosnotdoneformore than 5 minutesmdashcan bring surprising changes to your emotional stateenergizing you when yoursquore feeling depressed and calming you when yoursquorefeelinganxiousMentallyyoucangainamorepositiveperspectiveorcalmtheconstantchatterof thoughtswithAlternate-NostrilBreathingGiven thepowerofthistechniquethedirectiveofdoingamaximumof5minutesrsquoworkwithonenostrilistobetakenseriouslyPleaseknowthatexceeding5minutesrsquotimecanresult in difficulties negotiating the altered state and rebalancing your energyproperly
In general retaining the breath either in or out is another possiblemanipulationofthebreathwhenpracticingpranayamaOnapsychologicallevelithelpsusperceiveanddealwithtwooppositetypesofanxietiesretainingthein-breathrelatestotheanxietyweexperiencerelatedtolifetoitsfullnesstoitsintensityretainingtheout-breathrelatestoourfeelingsaboutdeathingeneraland particularly our own deathsWhile practicingAlternate-NostrilBreathingnotice if you are holding your breath at the end of the inhalation or theexhalationandseeifitrelatestoyourfeelings
Voluntarilymanipulatingtheactiveandpassivewithinyouhelpsyouacceptthat change is the norm that all things fluctuate and that change is possiblewithinyourselfNomatterwhereyouareinyourgrievingprocessyouwillnotbe in the same place in the future regardless of what things look like in thepresent moment Switching willingly from one nostril to the other andwitnessingthechangehelpsyourmindintegratethenewsituationaspartofyourever-changinglife
After witnessing the varying symptoms of grief and starting to use yourbreathtobringbackasenseofcontrolyouarenowreadytofullyrelax
BringingCalmtoaScatteredMindandaDistressedBody
GriefisstressfulThereforeastateofrelaxationiscrucialandyetthisstateisdifficulttoaccessmostofthetimeThestress-relievingeffectsofyogaaresomeofthemoststudiedfeaturesofthedisciplineandareveryusefulwhengrievingEven though any relaxation technique could work and would be good myintention in including a self-relaxation technique is to empower individuals to
use their ownmeans to relaxThe first lesson of loss is to not depend on thepermanenceof thingsmdashwhich iswhyanexternal sourceof relaxation suchassoothingmusicoraguidedrelaxationonaDVDwhilebeneficialwouldnotusethenewlyacquiredinformationtoourmaximumbenefit
Self-RelaxationTechnique(AngaShaithilya)
1 LieonyourbackwithyourpalmsfacingupBringyourawarenesstothebreathFindthenaturalrhythmofyourbreathbreathinginandoutslowlyandsteadilythroughthenostrils
2 Nowbringtheawarenesstoyourfeet
3 Inhaleexhale
4 InhaleexhalerepeatingtoyourselfsilentlyldquoMyfeetarerelaxedrdquo
5 Bringawarenesstoyourlegs
6 InhaleexhaleWhileexhalingrepeatsilentlytoyourselfldquoMylegsarerelaxedrdquo
7 Bringawarenesstoyourpelvis
8 InhaleexhaleWhileexhalingrepeatsilentlytoyourselfldquoMypelvisisrelaxedrdquo
9 ContinuethepracticebyrepeatingthesamepatternforHands
Arms
Shoulders
Back
Torso
Neck
Face
Head
Mind
10 EndbyrepeatinginternallyldquoIamcompletelyrelaxedrdquothreetimes
Suggestedtime10minutes
Benefits
Itrelaxesthebody
Ithelpsthemindrelax
Itcombatsthestressfuleffectsofgrief
Itreplenishesthegeneralenergylevelofthebodycombatingfatigue
Precautions
Doyourbesttomemorizethetwelvebodypartsincludedinthetechniquetoavoiddistractionswhilepracticingit
Contraindications
None
Using a technique that offers relaxation with deep detailed awareness ofoneself and that is grounded in the rhythm of the breath is a great way tointegrate other exercises of the practice in the relaxation Notice that thisexercise follows the samebodyorder as theEnergyFlowSeriesOpening thepracticewiththedirectivetostayconnectedwithyourbreathrhythmisanotherformofBreathMeditationTherepetitionofldquoMy___________isarerelaxedrdquoisnothingotherthantheactivepracticeofResolve(seethefollowingexercise)
Be prepared to hear the mind voicing statements such as ldquoI canrsquot relaxbecause Ihave to rememberwhatpart isnextrdquoTo remedy thismemorize thepartsbeforepracticingandyoucanavoidthisinterruptionThistechniquehelpswithmanyofthesymptomsofgriefincludingphysicalpainItgivesthebodyanopportunity to take a rest from the depleting hyperactive symptoms of theemotionalstressandreplenishitselfRelaxingthebodyalsohelpsthemindcalmdownandreducetheconstantmentalchatterallowingyoutofocusonplantingtheseedsofyournewlifethroughResolve
DissolvingOldPatternsandReprogrammingtheMindwithIntention
Yoga acknowledges the principle of pronoia a neologism coined by modernphilosophersexpressinganoldtruthItstatesthattheUniverseisconspiringinour highest good This is the polar opposite of paranoia which in essenceinvolvesthebeliefthattheUniverseisconspiringagainstus
Formostofhumanity thelatterconceptprevailsasanaccuratedescriptionof a world that is not at all supportive and comes after us loaded withjeopardizingintentionsYogarecognizesthisasfalseandmakesitclearthatthewholeprocessstartswithanideainourmindYogastatesldquoWecreatethemoldandthentheUniverseisinchargeoffillingituprdquo
Resolve(Sankalpa)
ThetranslationofthewordsankalpaisldquoresolverdquoorldquoresolutionrdquoItreferstotheapplicationofwillpowerthroughaconsciousdecision-makingprocessIttakestheformofashortmentalstatementwhichisimprintedbyrepetitiononthesubconsciousmindSankalpainfluencesthewaythingsaretohappenwithdeterminationandintention
Thestatementrepresentsamoldthatoncecreatedallowsfor theprovidentialpowersoftheUniversetohelpmanifestationoccurRememberyouaretheonlyoneactuallycapableofmakingyourownmoldThewordsankalpareferstoboththenameofthetechniqueaswellasthecontentofthestatementitself
1 Thinkoftheperfectwayinwhichyouwantanintentiontomanifestandthenstateitinasuccinctphrasethat
isexpressedinpresenttense
avoidsusingthewordldquonordquoortermsthatexpressnegativeconceptsForexampleldquoIwillnotbesinglerdquoshouldbereplacedwithldquoIammarriedrdquo
2 SitcomfortablywithyourhandsonyourkneesBreathenormallyacknowledginganyoutsidethoughtthatarisesandletitgoInhalethenontheexhalesayyourstatementtoyourselfbeingfullypresentwitheachindividualwordofthestatement(Youmaypauseaftereachword)
3 TakeadeepbreathandmovetothenextrepetitionWithyoureyesclosedcontinuerepeatingyourstatementThenbreatheinandoutoncewithoutrepeatingthestatementWhendoneopenyoureyes
Suggestednumberofrepetitions3times
TheconceptthistechniquereferstoisinthecoreoftheoldsayingldquoAskandyeshallbegivenrdquotowhichIrsquodliketoaddldquoifitisintheorderofthingsrdquoWhy
ManypeopleaskforthingsthatarenotwithintheUniversalorderandthenblamethesystemratherthanacknowledgingthattheirignoranceoftheorderistherealreasonthingsdidnotmanifestByldquotheorderrdquoImeanthesystematicandpreciseway inwhich thingswork in theUniverseand that is reflected insuchtruthsasldquoNothing ispermanentrdquoAll thingsend regardlessofwhetherwearethinking of a vase a day or a thought Without this acknowledgment whenasking for something to remain themechanism sparked by sankalpa will notworkandtheUniversewillnotsupportourpetitionIfIrsquomfifty-fourIcanaskforldquoyouthfulfiftiesrdquobutIcanrsquotasktobefifteenagainmdashitsimplywonrsquothappen
Byclearlyidentifyingwhattoaskforandhowtophraseitweengageinasimplewayofjump-startingtheprocessofmanifestationEventhoughmostofushavewantsitissurprisinglyhardforpeopletoactuallyexpresstheirwishesinanexactwayInmyyearsofusingResolveIhavehadtoworkdiligentlytohelp individuals identifywhat theywantbyspendinghourssorting throughallkindsofmisunderstandingsoldprogrammingandstalebeliefs
Prior to identifyingwhat wewant we usually namewhat we donrsquot wantwhat we fear why we should not want it and so forth This means that ourmindsareabsolutelyfullofalltheseotherconsiderationsandinthemeantimetheUniverseisbusyfillingupthecorrespondingmoldsasitcompetentlydoes
Thisiswhywemanifestwhatwefearandthisisalsohowwemanifestwhatwe donrsquotwantAs youmight know ldquoYou can never get enough ofwhat youreallydonrsquotwantrdquoIfyourmentalprogrammingmdashandcreatedmoldmdashisldquoIrsquomnotgoingtoget that jobrdquoorldquoIrsquodlovetoget that jobbut therearesomanyotherswho are better preparedrdquo then the Universe will accommodate you with anopportunity of losing that job It might seem like an extremely minusculesemanticdeviationbuttheconsequencesresultingfromsuchmisunderstandingsare also extremely clear (See the sidebar that follows ldquoAiding the PracticeThroughJournalingrdquoforaneffectiveapproachtonamingwhatwewant)
TosayldquoIamnotunhappyrdquoisverydifferentfromsayingldquoIamhappyrdquoandbelieveme theUniverse is listeningpreciselyTounderstandwhyprecision isimportantletmesharewithyouanoldstoryfromIndia
AidingthePracticeThroughJournaling
As a simple exercise think about what you want and write yourstatementdescribingitthencontinuetowritedowneachmodificationof the statement as you develop it Make no judgments write no
ldquoshouldsrdquomdashjust write what comes up You will probably see apathway amental roadmap that you have been following thatwillrevealyourmisconceptionsKeepinmindthatwhenyouarriveattheldquorightrdquo statement a subtle ldquoeye-smilerdquo appears a slightwidening ofyour forehead accompanied by a sense of ldquoEurekaThis is itrdquoThatfeelingisclearlyidentifiablenoquestionsaskednodoubtsaboutitmdashit is resonating inside of you as accurate Until that ahamoment ofrecognitionkeepworkingonyourauthenticexpressionyourpersonalResolve Know that you are actually working on your innermostwishesandthatyouareultimatelydeterminingyourfuture
After you have come up with your statement and you arepracticingrepeatingitIsuggestyoualsojournaltheinternalresponsesandconsiderationsyourmindcomesupwithItisnormaltolistentotheinternalvoicechallengingyourstatementswithphrasesthatdenotethe adverse reality the one you are trying to modify Since themanifestation process is happening regardless if the statement is ldquoIhaveapartnerrdquo and themindcomesupwith ldquoYouare lyingnoonewouldloveyourdquotheideamoldreadytobefilledupisthelatterYoumaydiscoverthatwhatrsquoswrittenactuallyrevealsyourpresentmentalprogrammingthatyouarereallynotworthloving
Byattendingtoyourbodycalmingyourmindandexploring thenatureofyourdesiresonadeeperlevelyouarenowtrulyreadytogowithin to practiceBreathMeditation and leave everything up to theUniverse
AcouplebothagesixtyandstillmarriedafterfortyyearsfindagenielampWhentheyrubitthegenieappearsandcomestolifeThegeniespeaksldquoLadyyourwishesshallbegrantedWhatwouldyoulikerdquo
ldquoIwantenoughmoneytogoaroundtheworldtwicewithmyhusbandrdquothewoman responds In an instant the geniemanifests a briefcase full of enoughmoneyforthebothofthemtogoaroundtheworldtwice
ThegeniethenturnstothegentlemanandsaysldquoSiryourwishestooshallbegrantedWhatwouldyoulikerdquo
ldquoIrsquod like to have a wife thirty years younger than merdquo replies theopportunistThegeniethenrespondsbyturningthemanintoaninety-year-old
Thelessonofthisstoryistobeveryclearandprecisewhenaskingforwhatyou want otherwise you may end up getting what you really donrsquot want
Resolve is the mechanism that kick-starts the process of manifestationThoughtfully identifying and defining an idea can and will act as a guidingprinciple a lighthouse in the darkness of your emotional storm Then youractionsthoughtsandspeechcanaimintheproperdirectionandstartbringingtofruitionwhatuntilnowhaslivedonlywithintherealmofyourwishes
OpeningtoSpiritThismeditationtechniquecanbeseenasthesimplestofallbreathingexercisesthebasisofallourworkBesidesthespiritualbenefitsandeffectsstayingwithyourownbreathisapowerfulwayofbeingpresentandindeepconnectionwithyourlifenotdrawninbythepastorcontemplatingthefuture
BreathMeditation
1 Sitinacomfortablepositionwiththespinestraightandthehandsrestingonyourkneeswiththepalmsfacingupward
2 Staystill
3 BringawarenesstoyourbreathFeeltheairgoinginandoutsoftlythroughyournostrils
4 Remainpresentforeachinhalationandeachexhalation
5 AstheminddriftsoffbringitbacktoyourbreathAsifyouareplacingpaperboatsonastreamofwaterplacethedistractingthoughtsintheoutgoingstreamoftheexhalation
6 Remainconcentratedonyourbreathandonlyonyourbreathexhalingeachdistractingthought
Suggestedtime5to10minutes
AlthoughitisanextremelysimpletechniquetheexecutioncanprovetobequitedifficultYourabilitytoremainconcentratedonthebreathispermanentlychallengedbyyourveryactivebodyandunstoppablemindYoucanstartfullofintentionandfindyourselfoutonalimbafteronlyafewbreathcycles
Fortunatelyyourbreathisconstantandyourneedtotakethenextin-breathisunavoidablesobringingthemindbacktothebreathisrelativelysimpleKeepcomingbacktothebreathwithtimeyoursquollseethatyourdeparturesarescarcerandthatasyoustaywithyourbreathacertainsenseofcalmnessandfulfillmentappears
You are now developing the skill to stay present with yourself to keepyourself company and bring ease when feeling abandoned Irsquove stated beforethat when grieving you should focus first on the Spirit because the body is
profoundlyengagedin its reactionandthemindisshatteredandscatteredForthis reason meditation and its ability to help you connect with your Spiritbecome a key element of the practice Thoughmeditation can be challengingwhenyouareexperiencingacutegriefitisanactivitythatwillgentlyleadyoutothesourceofknowledgeyouintendtotapinto
Now that you have read how to perform each practice and understandgenerallyhowthetechniquesservetoallaysomeofthesymptomsofgriefyouprobablywant to get started and figure out how to incorporate these practicesinto your life There are some important questions to ponder as you start tointegratesomeoftheseexercisesintoapersonalpractice
The next chapter considers what exercises you should include howmuchtime you should spend practicingwhether you should practice by yourself orseek help how long you should practice and other practical detailsWhetheryouareanexperiencedyogapractitionerorjuststartingoutwhetheryouhavejust begun to cope with some of your grief symptoms or at the end of theprocess the next chapter will help you to integrate the techniques into yourpersonalpractice
Chapter5
DesigningtheLogisticalAspectsofYourPractice
There is a famous quote usually attributed to the great German philosopherJohannWolfgangvonGoethe(1749ndash1832)
ldquoUntil one is committed there is hesitancy the chance to draw backConcerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementarytruth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plansthatthemomentonedefinitelycommitsoneselfthenProvidencemovestooAllsortsofthingsoccurtohelponethatwouldneverotherwisehaveoccurredAwhole streamofevents issues from thedecision raising inonersquosfavorallmannerofunforeseenincidentsandmeetingsandmaterialassistancewhichnomancouldhavedreamedwouldhavecomehiswayWhatever you cando or dreamyou cando begin it Boldness hasgeniuspowerandmagicinitrdquo(emphasisadded)
What a beautiful way of presenting the universal principle of pronoia Itexplains the mechanism of manifestation and emphasizes a key aspect tocommit towhatwewantThe resultingactionsactuallyhelp thebrain reshapeitselfthisisneuroplasticityatitsbestThroughthefruitsofourcommitmentwecanestablishnewneuronalconnectionsthatwill leadusnottowherewethinkweshouldbeorwherewedonrsquotdesiretobebutwherewetrulywanttobe
As you now ponder how to implement the techniques I shared in theprevious chapter and embark on your personal practice I ldquore-mindrdquo you thatyourcommitmentisessentialByacceptingyourlimitationsandneedsyouareactually making your commitment feasible Be realistic commit to what youcananddoit
SettingtheIntentionTherearetwophilosophicalconceptsfoundinTheYogaSutrasofPatanjalithatcanbetranslatedasldquopracticerdquoThefirstoneabhyasareferstoamoregeneral
all-encompassing method of practice that involves lifestyle choices thoughtsspeech and actions Abhyasa brings us greater tranquility or peace of mindSadhana thesecondconceptcanalsobedefinedaspracticebut itpertainstothe actual techniques or exercises that are performed on a regular basis toachieve an overall enhancement ofwell-being Taken together these conceptscanhelpusunderstandwhatitmeanstotrulypracticeyoga
As you begin to apply the traditionalmovements breathing exercises andcleansingtechniquessettingasideanhourahalfhourorwhatevertimeyoucandedicatetoestablishingaregularpracticeyoumayrealizethateachbreathcanbe an opportunity for transformation My hope is that as you integrate thesetechniquesintoyourdailylifeyourlifeitselfbecomesthepractice
ShouldYouPracticeAloneorUnderGuidanceJustasyouareasolitarybeinginthemidstofacrowdedcitystreetpracticeispersonalregardlessofhowmanymorearepracticingwithyouInancienttimespracticing yoga based on a book like the one you are reading without livecontactwithateachermasterorguruwasunthinkableEventhoughyogawascommonlypasseddownwithinthecontextofthefamilyfromonegenerationtothe next there is an essential trinity thought to lead to a successful spiritualjourney It includes the individual (you)GodorSpirit and thegurumdashtheonewholeadsthewayafterhavingwalkedithimselfmanytimesbefore
IntodayrsquosworldpeoplemaypracticethroughtheguidanceofabookorbyfollowinginstructionsprovidedonaDVDorahow-tovideoontheInternetItisan essential principle inyoga therapy that the interactionwith a therapistwhocanmonitorthestudentrsquospracticeisanimportantaspectaddingstrengthtothetechniquesandensuringsafetyfortheYogapractitioner
Grief is so powerful that in working with the dynamics activated by theYoga techniques itwould be advisable to seek out a qualified professional atfirst By ldquoqualifiedrdquo I mean either a yoga therapist well versed in griefcounselingoragriefcounseloror therapistknowledgeableaboutyogaand itsuseinthetherapeuticprocessBecauseyogahasbeenembracedbyanumberofprofessionals in recent years other therapists such as social workers hospicenurseschaplainsandotherswhoworkwithgrief-related issuescanbe trustedsources for guiding you through this work Even a financial adviser whounderstandsaboutthephysicalsymptomsofgriefandhowtoaddressthemcanmean the difference between wealth and poverty when for example dealingwithfinancesafteradivorceSuchatherapistmdashwhileencouragingastudentto
practiceathomeencounteringtheldquoteacherwithinrdquomdashwouldalsohelphimorhernavigatethedifficultemotionsencounteredinthegrievingprocess
Yoga practice can be a very subjective experience often having differentresults indifferentsettingsShouldyoudecidetodothepracticeonyourownwithoutprofessionalguidanceremembertobesensitiveandrespectfulofyourneedsandabilitiesMonitor theeffectsof the techniques soyoucanuse themappropriately when needed Tune into the results charting them as a validindicatorofthedevelopmentofyourprocess
IsItBettertoPracticeIndividuallyorinaGroupWhile all yoga is therapeutic yoga therapy thrives on personal individualizedpracticeespeciallyat thebeginningstagesof the therapeuticprocessWorkingwith a qualified therapist familiar with integrating yoga as part of his or hertoolbox is wholeheartedly advised Either in a group setting provided such agroupisavailableinyourcommunityorprivatelychoosewhicheverbettersuitsyourneeds
Workingindividuallyprovidesfocusedattentiontotreatmentoffersinputonadapting your practice to meet specific needs and avoids interference fromothersinaclassOntheotherhandpracticinginagroupallowsyoutowitnessotherbereavedindividualsgrieveinwaysthatmaybebothprofoundlydifferentandstrikinglysimilartoyoursCombatingthetendencytoisolatethisaspectofsocialization can help normalize your relationship to your own grief whileofferingasupportnetwork
InmyYoga forGrief Relief groups all three aspects commonly found intraditional grief support groups are included education support and socialnetworking Education serves the purpose of normalizing grief by sharinggeneralinformationregardingthegrievingprocessWealsolookathowgriefisaddressed in different cultures and time periods Support is establishedwithinthe environment the group provides It encourages authentic communicationregardingourgriefandserves tomodelhealthy interactions tobereplicated inthe outside world The social networking aspect encourages positive personalinteractions that increasewell-being for those of us listening aswell as thosesharingWhenoneisfeelingdepletedandwithoutmuchtogivelendinganeartothoseexpressingtheirgriefcanbeanempoweringexperience
IsItSafetoDoThisPracticebyYourself
MostofthetechniquescanbepracticedsafelyonyourownprovidedyoureadthesectionsdedicatedtocontraindicationsPleaseidentifyanypresentconditionthat may require caution when you practice the exercises This makes atremendousdifferencebetweenan exercisebenefitingyouorbeingharmful toyou
ThatsaidtheWindmillistheoneexerciseforwhichdiscretionmustbeusedwhen practicing alone TheWindmill is a key technique of the program andalthough the slow version is safe for most individuals the semifast and fastversions of the Windmill quickly access deeply held emotions and buriedphysical feelings I suggest that a competent professional trained in thisworkshould monitor both the practice itself as well as the outcomes If you areworkingwithayoga-savvycounselor thenyour therapyprovidesanoutlet forsharing your experience after practicing at home The Windmill is the mostactiveexerciseandtheonebestabletobringstrongfeelingstothesurfaceTheemotionselicitedduringthegrievingprocessare therawmaterialsyouusefortransformation
Someofyoumighthaveanexistingpersonalyogapracticeandwanttoaddsome of my recommended techniques to your routine Although this cancertainlybeeffectivekeepinmindthatthetruestbenefitsofthisprogramoccurwhenpracticedsequentiallyinitsentiretyByexperiencingtheroutinefullyyoucantheneffectivelyassesswhattoaddtoyourpracticeandwhyIfyouchoosetoembarkonasolopractice thenyouneed toconsidersomeof thefollowingimportantlogisticaldetails
WhichExercisesAreBestforMeWhethertoperformtheentirepracticeorpartsofitdependsonwhatyouwouldlike to accomplish howmuch time you have and howmuch knowledge youpossess of yoga and of yourself The entire practice can be accomplished inninety minutes and is inherently balanced covering issues that most grievingindividualsneed
CompleteBreathingpreparesyourmindandbodyfor themagnitudeof thegrievingprocesstheEnergyFlowSeriescreatestheconditionsforhealinganddrawsyourawarenesswithintheWindmillbringsfeelingsandsensationstothesurface sparking the process of transforming your grief into a source of self-knowledge Attitude of Discharging offers an outlet for the raw availableemotions Concentrated Gazing promotes mental focus to restore the normalcircadian rhythms while Alternate-Nostril Breathing offers breath control to
effectivelybringbalanceandcalmtoyourmindTheSelf-RelaxationTechniquehelps decrease the stressful effects of grief allowing optimal conditions forreprogramming your mind through Resolve which uses the newly acquiredknowledgetobegintoconstructanewidentityFinallyyouarereadytositstillinmeditationtodeepentheconnectionwithyourSpirit
Practicing the entire sequence offers you the exponential effect of thecombinedbenefitsofthetechniquesYetyoumaybebetteroffpracticingonlycertainpartsasyoubegintofamiliarizeyourselfwiththeworkMakesureyoucheckwithyourphysicianbeforeengaginginpracticekeepinmindthatyogatherapyisnotasubstituteformedicalattention
Becomingfamiliarwitheachtechniqueanditseffectsonyougivesyoutheconfidence to choose which one works for what is troubling you Again Ireiterateyourmindisbestaddressedthroughbreathworkyourbodyishelpedmost by physical postures and your Spirit thrives with meditation YogatechniquesinfluenceallthreeaspectsofyourbeingYoucanchoosefromeachrealm and come up with a combination that best suits your personal journeyTrustyourinstinctandinnerwisdomtoguideyou
WhereShouldIPracticeWhile it is true thatyogaisbestpracticedinacleanandcalmenvironmentatleast twohoursafteryour lastmealwearingcomfortableclothes far from thechaosoftheworldforatleastninetyminutestheseperfectconditionsarerarelymetThemaincriteria forunderstandinghow toengage in thepractice shouldalways be ldquotomeet yourself exactlywhere you arerdquoYou can then figure outwhichexercisestopracticewheretosituateyourselfwhentopracticeandhowmuchtimeyoucansetasidetopractice
Ifyoudonrsquothavea roomdedicated forpractice thenmovesomefurniturearound tocreatea suitablespaceandbring inanyobjectsor images thathelpyouconnectwithyourintentionThisprocessexemplifieslocatinganewspaceinsideofyourselfSometimeswhenwefeelldquoallovertheplacerdquoinourmindjustcleaning and reorganizing our house starts to positively affect our emotionalintegrationOrderingourimmediatesurroundingsoftenhelpstocalmdowntheinternaldisarrayCandles incense soothingmusic and low lightmayprovideyou with supportive harmonizing associations to make your practice moremeaningful
BeflexibleregardingwhereyoupracticeallowingforvariationsaccordingtoyourlifersquoscircumstancesForexampleifyouareinterviewingforajobthat
couldeasepressingeconomicneedsthenpracticesomecalmingbreathworkinthewaitingroomIfyoufindyourselfstrugglingwithroadragepulloverstopthecarandpracticeLeft-NostrilBreathingThengetbackontheroadwhenyouarecalmandhavelostsightofthatannoyingtailgatermdashyoudonrsquotwanttolosecontrolandcauseyourselfmoregrief
SometimesitisgoodtoenhanceyourpracticebybeingoutdoorsconnectingwithnatureandbringinginasenseofexpansionConverselyifdoingthisseemstoo vulnerably open and distracting and lacks the intimacy you need thenpracticewhereyoucanmoreeasilyaccomplishtheresultsyouareafter
WhenShouldIPracticeStarting thedaywith an extendedpractice deliciouslydedicated tooneself isnotaluxuryweallhaveFeelfreetodowhatyoucaninthemorningthenaddorrepeatsomethinginthemiddleofthedayandthenpracticebeforegoingtobed
TheEnergyFlowSeriesisagreatwaytobothstartandendthedayInthemorning it feels energizing and at night calming preparing you for a goodnightrsquos sleep TheWindmill practicewill elevate the general tone of your lifeforceenergyinthemorningTheAttitudeofDischargingexercisewillhelpyoudischargesomeof theextra tensionaccumulatedduring theday ifdone in thelateafternoonAlternate-NostrilBreathingisagreatmiddaypracticethatbringsbalance to your wildly fluctuating emotions Concentrated Gazing worksefficientlytoputyoutosleepatnightand ifusedinthemorning itresetstheendocrine systemdecreasingmoodswings (Thismaybeespecially importantfor women during bereavement to stabilize and reestablish balance in theirendocrine system and counteract the common disturbances grief imposes ontheir normal menstrual cycle) Choosing the right time to practice helps youadjusttoyournewenvironmentmoreskillfullyandhelpstoprepareyouforthemultitudeofchangesandnewconditionsinyourlifeFromyourfirstin-breathwhen you are born to your last out-breath at the moment of death the timeelapsedisallyoursThedecisionsyoumakeregardinghowtospendthat timeare also yours Use your practice time wisely so it reflects your sense ofownershipofyourtimeandyourrespectforit
ForHowLongShouldIPracticeFinallyintermsofhowlongtopracticeeachtechniqueorhowlongyouroverall
practice should be letme just say this something is better than nothingOursystemsreacttoallwedoandallwethinksodowhatyoucanItistruethatforbestresultsAlternate-NostrilBreathingshouldbepracticedfornolessthanfiveminutes yet a minute alone would also do some work A minimum of threerepetitionsisbetterwhenpracticingtheEnergyFlowSeriesbutonerepetitionalsohasbenefitsWhatisoptimalistousewhatevertimeyoumighthavejustkeepinmindthatthemoreyoupracticethedeepertheeffectswillbe
AnexceptionshouldbemadewithSingle-NostrilBreathingPracticing formore thanfiveminutescanrenderstrongereffects thanyoumaydesireWhenpracticing Left-Nostril Breathing for example you want to feel calmer notdepletedItisokaytopracticeformorethanfiveminutesifneededjustmakesureyoubreakitdownwithaminuteortwoofAlternate-NostrilBreathing
Thesadhanapracticemdashinitsentiretyandfollowingtheguidelinesproposedfor each technique in chapter 4mdashshould take approximately ninety minutesPleaserememberthataccordingtothevariationsandmodificationsyouneedtomakeyourpracticetimewillvarySupplementarytechniquessuchasjournalingandothersofferedinchapter6willalsoalteryourpersonalpracticetime
BecomingfamiliarwiththetechniqueswillallowyoutoknowmoreeasilywhattocalluponandwhenWithregularpracticetheeffectsofthetechniqueswillcomealiveinyouandwillevenhelpyouchoosewhattopracticeandwhenBe sensitive to the daily fluctuations in your actual ability to engage in thetechniquesIfyouspentahalfhourdoingpawanmuktasanayesterdayandyourmusclesaresoretodayreducethetimeandintensityoftheexercisetowhatyoucantolerate
YourPracticeChangesasYouDoPleasebeopentothefactthatyouareundergoingconstantchangeandthereforeyour practice must shift as well to reflect your new needs and abilities Thegrieving process and the tasks ofmourning are not linear your grief changesyourpracticeandyourpracticechangesyourgriefThere iswisdom in lettingyour practice reflect your state of being and adapting it accordingly Thewayyou practice is theway you livewhat you practice now shapes your lifeBemindful of addressing your practicewith the same grace and dignity that youwantforyourself
Perhapsitisaccuratetosaythatyoudidnotsignupforbeingwhereyouarenow andyet hereyouarePractice jump-starts theprocessof transformationSeeyourselffunctioningasthebestoperatorofthesetoolsbyaskingwhatyou
want toaccomplish listening toyourvoicehearingyourbodyrsquosexpressionofits innate wisdom and sensing what you need to do for yourself todaymdashdosomethingtocommittowhatyouwant
Chapter6
TheProcessofTransformation
LynPrashant the founderof IntegrativeGriefTherapy states thatldquowedonrsquotgetoverourlosseswechangerelationshiptothemrdquoAndsheaddsthatldquogriefisour most available untapped emotional resource for personal transformationrdquo(2005)Iwholeheartedlyagreewithher
WhilehonoringourpersonallossesandmourningtherelationshipthatoncewasthetransformationthatwearetalkingaboutinessenceisourownAswebegin to witness the appearance of our new self we slowly recognize thecumulativeeffectsofourdeeptransformativeworkWearenowactuallylookingatourselvesandtheworldaroundusfromanewperspective
This book demonstrates the inner workings of the grieving process IprovidedthespecifictechniquesforthepracticeofstayingpresentandthereforeavailabletotransformyourgriefandencounteritsstrongemotionsthatfiercelychallengeyouThetoolsarenowatyourfingertipswithfocusedawarenessyoumay methodically turn some of the seminal questions yoursquove been askingyourselfintoconcreteactions
ThroughdealingwiththesufferingthatisinherentduringthegriefjourneywehaveanopportunitytouncoverourowntruenatureGriefworkisultimatelyaboutchallengingyourassumptionsaboutlifeldquoWhoamIwithoutherWheredoIgoafterlosingmyhomeWhoamInowthatIrsquovebeenfiredfrommyjobWhatdoesitmeanthatIrsquomstillherenowandheisgonerdquo
In themidst of sorrow the blossoming of a new identitymaymeanmanydifferentthingstoyouOnceyouarenolongergrippedbytheoldattachmentsyoubecome free to explore thedeepestpartsofyourselfAsyouaskyourselfwhatyoudoanddonotneedgriefbecomestheuncannygatewaytohelpgainthetrueknowledgeofself
FindingaNewIdentityAfterLossIdentityconsistsmainlyofourperceptionsofourselvesbasedonthepeopleandthingsweareattachedtoWhenwelosethemwelosepartofwhoweareAndyetlifecontinuesRememberthefeelingsuponwakingupintheimmediatedaysandweeks following a profoundly huge loss The bodymoving in a robotic
way fighting against the lethargy of a tiredmind eyes barely open two feetwalkingtothebathroomoutofnecessity
ThinkofthebodythemastersurvivormaintaininglifewiththeaudacitytocontinuedoingwhatitdoesDespiteourdespairdespiteourdoubtstheamazingintelligence of our body is a powerful testament to the continuation of ourexistence
Imagineakitchenwhereyoursquovecookedforthepasttwentyyearsonewithno ventilation just tiny windows and a stove with slow inefficient electricburners One day the kitchen burns to the ground Because you are hungrybecauseyourbodyneeds fuelyouneed tocontinuecookingPerhapsyoucanimproviseandcookmealstemporarilyinthelivingroomormanageforawhileonanoutdoorgrillbuttheneedforanindoorkitchenispainfullyapparentsoyoumustrebuildit
IsthenewkitchengoingtohaveventilationornotBigorsmallwindowsSlowelectricburnersorquickandefficientgasburnersInordertodefinethesedetailsyouneedtoquestionyourrealneedsanddesireslikesanddislikes
After all you have cooked in that kitchen for years and are familiar withevery detail every nook and cranny The memories of that kitchen may beoverwhelmingly powerful to you but now it is time to start imagining a newmoremodernversionthatwillserveyournewneeds
Needsshift frombasic survival instincts to thoseofa fullermorespiritualvisionofourlifeInterestinglymanyofuswillgravitatetothefamiliardesignoftheoldkitchenButgiventimeforreflectionnewideasandimageswillstarttoemerge thathelpuscomecloser towhowereallyareandwhowewant tobecome
ManyofusidentifywhowearethroughourhomesSometimesthehomeisthought of as an extension of our physical bodies something important toconsider when working with grief Identity is formed through what the bodylearnsfromitsenvironmentThefollowingtwoexamplesillustratethat
Sinceathree-year-oldcannotbuyacarrentahomeorfindajobthechildmustrelyentirelyonanadultcaregiver In thiscase thefatherconstantlyputsdownthethree-year-oldwhenheperformswellButcomplyingwithhisfatherrsquosexpectations can be the difference between life and death Consequently thechildlearnseithertobecomeanunderachieverortohidehisachievementssoasnottoupsethisfather
The survival mechanism that informs the mind is deeply rooted in thewisdomof the bodymaintaining life at all costs Putting our fingers in a live
electricsocketoncegivesthebodyenoughinformationtoavoidgettingshockedagain The body has excellent cellular memory and keeps that survivalmechanism alive Even years later while fixing a malfunctioning socket andknowingthepowerisoffyourbodystillalertsyouinternallywithcautionsignswarningofdanger
When defining ourselves after loss it is very common to repeat oldmechanisms perform the same learned behaviors and chant the same innermonologuebecausethatishowwelearnedtosurviveRepeatingthesebehaviorsgrants us renewed suffering simply because our actions are antiquated and nolongermatchourpresentreality
Wemust revisit the situationwith new eyes identifying our present needsandusingournewlyacquiredskillsmdashtheoneslackingduringtheearlyformativeyears Although old habits are difficult to change respecting their power canactually be life affirmingWecan see them in action and recognize themas asign of the amazing intelligence of our bodiesWitnessing our broken heartrsquosstruggletocopewiththepainoflossandmanagetheaccompanyingsymptomsofconfusionanddisorganizedthinkingisquiteremarkable
Isnrsquot it a superbly opportune time to reimagine a new designwhenwe nolongerhavetheoldkitchenandyetourneedforthefoodthatrsquoscookedinitisasrealasthefirethatconsumeditThisistheopportunityhiddeninthegriefweexperienceThisisthetransformativejourneyIrsquomtalkingabouttheprocessthatcan take us from the void of devastation after loss to the fullness of aconsciouslylivedlife
HowCantheTransformationBeAccomplishedMy opinion is that the journey of discovery is threefold Addressing thesymptoms of our grief constitutes the first step The second involves fullytransitingthegrievingprocessandachievinghealthyresolutionwithitThethirdentails reidentification based on our most intimate spiritual self Having beenstrippedofourpreviousidentitylayingbaretherealcoreofwhowearewearenowinvitedtoapproachthedeepestpartsofourselves
These three portions of the process of transformation are linked but notlinear simultaneously our awareness can shift aswe sense some relief of ourimmediatesymptomsItisimportanttorememberingriefworkthatanyspecificactions taken towardaccomplishing resolutioncanbe repeatedand revisitedatanypointwithrenewedmeaning
The information you need comes as a result of your work and efforts tounderstandandrelatetotheexperienceathandThisprocessinvolvesobservingyour motivations behaviors and feelings This book and the techniquesproposedaredesignedtosupportyouintheprocessoftransformingyourgriefofferingpracticeasthefoundationfortheworkUsingthetoolsyoulearnedinchapter4youcanreapthebenefitsyouareafterNowletrsquostakealookathoweachpartoftheprocessoftransformationworks
TheFirstPartAddressingtheSymptoms
HowdoesaddressingyoursymptomshelptransformgriefImagineyourselfperchedon a rolling hillwaiting to take in a beautiful sunsetwith somedearfriendswhenallofasuddenyouareafflictedwithaterribletoothacheEvenifyou are surroundedby love and support in the presentmoment all you reallywantistostopthepainyouneedadentist
Itisquiteremarkablehowenticedbythepresumptionofthepermanenceofthebodyrsquosvigorandendurancewetakeourownhealthforgranted
Abalancedbodyenhancesyourability to transformgriefWhen the rug ispulledout fromunderneathyoushakingyour foundationand threateningyourstability you can enter into a conversation with the body that will ultimatelyformthebasisofyournewidentityToregainpresencefortheprocessyoumustaddressthedifferentsymptomsparticularlythephysicalones
TheexercisescontainedintheprogramcanhelptakecareofthefirstpartoftheprocessbybringingthesymptomstoalevelofrelativecontrolBypracticingbreathworkyoubecomemorepresentandawareandcanhelp reestablish thenormalrhythmsofthebodyfindingwaysofcontrollingyourmentalstatesandultimatelyyournewreality
PracticingtheEnergyFlowSeriesassuresthepropercirculationoflifeforceavoidingblockagesandfacilitatingfreemovementofconsciousnesswithinbodyandmindThedifferentasanashelpgetridofthetoxicchemicalbyproductsofpain and activate parts of the body where emotional issues tend to promotetensionandstiffnessThespecificactionsperformedintheWindmillbringyourfeelingsto thesurfaceofyourawarenessallowingyoutowitnessandidentifythem and ultimately to better understand how grief manifests in the bodyAttitudeofDischargingofferstheincreasedchargeoffeelingsandsensationsofgriefawayoutConcentratedGazingpromotesbalanceandbettersleep
TheSelf-RelaxationTechniquehelpscombatthestressfuleffectsofgriefanddiminishesgeneraltensioninthebodyguidingyouhometoyournormalsleepcycle Resolve resets the mind so the body can manifest your deepest innerwisheswhileBreathMeditationoffersthecalmstillnessofbodyandmindthatallowstheSpirittoemergemoreclearly
AllpartsoftheYogaforGriefReliefsadhanapreparethebodyandthemindfortheunderstandingofSpiritwhichasIrsquovestatedbeforeisthetruesourceforthefacilitationofgrief
TheSecondPartFacilitatingGrief
Facilitating grief implies making the experience of bereavement moremanageable by following a roadmap such as the one proposed by JWilliamWordeninhisFourTasksofMourning(2009)Employingtheprinciplesofyogacan assist in accomplishing those Letrsquos take a look at some additionalguidelines
Give yourself permission to grieve Some people have a hard timeaccepting thatgrieving isappropriateThereasonsfor these thoughtsareoftenpreconceived ideas about what to expose to others or how much time isacceptable to grievePersonal difficulties such as the fear of beingdefinedbygrief the possibility of feelingworse or the chance youmight trigger othersrsquogriefoftenpreventindividualsfromgrieving
If you care for grieving individuals and provide support space andresourcesdoyoudothesameforyourselfWhenflyingonanairplaneyouaredirected to put your oxygen mask on first in case of an emergency beforehelpingothersItismuchthesameinthegrievingprocessmdashifyougiveyourselfthepermissiontogrievefirstyoucanthenhelpothers
ProvideyourselfwiththetimeyouneedtogrieveInthecorporateworldemployeesaretypicallygivena72-hourldquowindowrdquoinwhichtogrieveAlthoughthereisnoofficialtimesettocompleteourgrievingprocessourmindstendtodictatethatafteroneyearhaselapsedldquoIshouldbedonewithmygriefrdquoSocietalexpectations coupledwith thepressureweputonourselves to resumenormalliving promote the belief that things will be much better in a yearUnfortunately this unrealistic expectation is not only misleading it is alsocounterproductivetomaintainingasenseofhope
ForsomeofusthesecondyearofgriefisevenmoredifficultthanthefirstI
encourage tolerance in allowing the time needed for working well with thecomplex grief experience That permission alone is very important In thenormalcourseofbereavement as timegoesonourgrief frequentlyexpressesitselfasaSuddenTemporaryUpsurgeofGrief(STUGRando1993)sometimesrelatedtoandprovokedbycurrentlifesituationsothertimesshowingupoutoftheblueSTUGscanprovideuswithareflectionofwhereweareinrelationtoourowngriefHowfastweovercomeithowdeepourfeelingsarefeltandhowmuchourbodiesareinvolvedareallindicativeoftheskillswehavedevelopedofthenewpiecesofinformationwehaveunveiledaboutourselves
It is necessary to mention that a prolonged time of coping with thedisruptions of bereavement may be a marker for complicated grief thusrequiring specific interventions All factors need to be taken into account toproperlyassesshowandwhereweareintheverypersonaljourneyofgrief
PracticeactivelisteningwithyourselfHaveyoueverhad theexperienceofsomeonerepeatingbacktoyouwhattheyheardyousayWereyouwide-eyedto hear themessage repeated backDid it sound like your thinkingDid youwonderldquoDidIreallysaythatrdquoThiscommonoccurrencehappensinregularlifeas well as in therapeutic settings A technique called ldquoactive listeningrdquoconsisting of literally repeating a clientrsquos disclosure back to him or her isfrequentlyusedtohelpclientsreflectonthewaystheynametheirownreality
Consciouslyjournalingourthoughtsandexperiencesafteryogapracticeisagood way to allow the process of externalizing whatever comes to mindmdashunobstructed and uncensoredLook at your journal and repeat ldquoWhat I heardmyselfsayingthinkingfeelingishelliprdquoYourrealityislivedanddeterminedbyyouin thewayyou talkabout itandname itHowyoudosodetermineshowyoulive
Resolve is a powerful tool for kick-starting the process of correctingunconscious habits and old behaviors Another creative exercise uses freeassociationtoacquaintyouwithyourtrueselfbyrecordinganaudioversionoffeelingsemotionsandimpressionsListentotherecordingandwriteldquoWhatIheard myself saying ishelliprdquo Just hearing your own voice a more familiarexpression of your inner dialogue offering insights can evokemore powerfulresults
Accept differences in the way you grieve Trying to emulate a familialsocietalorculturalmoldmdashinotherwordsforcingyourselfintoapreconceivedformmdashmaynot serveyoubestGrief isan intimateaffair revealing thedeeperself absolutely unique to each particular individualYourway of grieving the
wayyou love the things you lovemdashthey all speak towhoyou are Find yourway honor it and do it your waymdasheven if it is very different from anyexpectationsyoumighthaveorothersmayimposeuponyou
Consider that your grief might change from one moment to another Youchange just as theworld around you changes andmost important the newlyidentified self feeds off of thisWelcome those changes they reflectwhoyoureally are You grieve each loss differently and you can even experience amultitudeofpolarizedsymptomswithonelossChangesinthewayyougrieveexpress modifications in your mind and indicate that things are in factreorganizing
Even if things get more difficult day in and day out since everythingchanges so toowill that Practice itself is an importantmonitor for assessingchange Identifying the different states of feeling and being aided by certainexercises or combinations thereof are part of the self-knowledge that griefunveils What changed What made the change How can I reach that stateagainThesearesomeofthequestionstoaskyourselfwhileviewingthemanyfacesofyourgrievingprocess
You must facilitate moving through your own griefmdashentirely gently andfirmlymdashinyourownuniquewayDrWordenrsquosfourtasksareapragmaticuser-friendlyreferenceguide toevaluate thecourseofyourgrievingprocessand tolocateyourselfwithinthatcontextNextIofferyousomesuggestionsofhowtouse yogarsquos knowledge and some of the techniques included in the sadhana tomakeyourfulfillmentofWordenrsquostasksappearlessdaunting
ACCOMPLISHINGACCEPTANCE
DrWordenrsquos four tasks presented in chapter 1 are clear and direct Findwaystoaccept theemotionalrealityof the loss(first task)process thepainofgrief(secondtask)adapttoanewrealitywithout thepresenceofthedeparted(thirdtask)andrelocatethelostpersonorobjectsoyoucanembarkonanewlife(fourthtask)
Theyogapracticeoutlinedinthisbookcanbeusedtosupportyourworkonthe tasks For instance remaining aware of the breath during CompleteBreathingandwitnessingwithoutjudgmentanyresistanceyouencountercanbeinstrumentalinleadingtoacceptingtherealityoftheloss
Beawareofdistractingbehaviorssuchasgettinglostinachainofthoughtsrushingtothecomputerorgrabbingthephonewhichservetoavoidfeelingthedepth of what is happening Tolerating the discomfort is a skillful way of
meetingtheunpleasantfeelingsoflossJournalingisoneofthemostwidelyusedformsforreflectiveretellingofthe
factsGoingoverthedetailsagainandrecallingtheeventsthathappenedisoneofthemosteffectivemethodsforgainingacceptanceoflossWhenjournalingthe way youwrite about your reality is a reflection of the way you speak toyourselfaboutitWhenyourelatethefactsinyourjournalalsomakesureyouwrite about your feelingsmdashit is of the essence In order to do this you mustidentifyandexperiencethemandtodosoyoumustbepresent
PROCESSINGFEELINGS
InordertoproperlyprocessfeelingswemustfirstremainpresentforthemThisisoftenoneofthemostdifficultaspectsofgrievingbutitisalsooneofthemost importantWhat does itmean to remain present The actual practice ofbeingpresentvaries according towhich feelingyou focusonbecause feelingsassociatedwithgriefvarywidelyandcanbeofdifferentnatures
We often avoid our yoga practice or falter when the techniques elicit astrongerperceptionofthefeelingsResistanceisyetanothersignofthestruggleso identify your options for staying present Transiting your grief successfullyandestablishingwaystomoveoutoftheintensecenteroftheexperiencetoitsquieteredgesistheworkSincetheonlywayoutofthepainofgriefisthroughityoumustenterandexit theprocessskillfullyBecauseof itspassivenaturesadnessmdashthe most common feeling when grievingmdashallows us to actually sitwithitMostfindsadnessunpleasantandresistfeelingitsoweputupdefensestoeludeit
You can work on ldquositting with sadnessrdquo simply by staying seated inmeditation While meditating our minds tend to wander instead of focusingThat is true for our hearts aswellwe tend to flee from sadness toward otherfeelingssuchasanger
AngerisanactivefeelingandsittingwithitcanbeextremelyfrustratingItasksformentalandphysicalaction It isbestprocessedwhenthe targetof theangerisidentifiedandaneffectivemethodofexpressionisfoundAngerismetwithmanysocietaljudgmentsWearetaughtthatitisnotahealthyfeelingandthatitsexpressionmakesothersuncomfortableandonlyyieldsmoreangerItiscrucial to find an outlet for anger that does not conflict with what we haveaccepted as socially appropriate Instead of aggression I suggest consideringassertivenessasaneffectivealternativewayYoucanforcefullypushsomebodyawayfromyourdoorsteporyoucan lookstraight intohiseyespointingyour
finger at him while saying ldquoYou do not walk into my houserdquo Through thepracticeoftheAttitudeofDischargingangercanpurposefullybeexpressedintheintimacyofyourpersonalworkThistechniqueoffersmodesofexpressionfrom the more general involvement of the full body to the particular ldquoaaahrdquosound that promotes vocalizing the active nature of the feeling When notexpressed outwardly anger can turn inward resulting in self-destructivebehaviorssuchasrelapsingwithaddictionsSometimesangercanpresentitselfasanotherfeelingsuchasguilt
Because it isusually linked to irrational thoughtsguiltneeds tobereality-testedinrelationtothefactsAskyourselfifthereissomethingyoucouldhavedonedifferentlyorifanyactionstakencouldhaveindeedavoidedthelossThenyou should be able to recognize whether you did or did not have anyresponsibility for how things happened If you were indeed responsible thenwhat actionsmight help you to resolve the heavy burden of responsibility Iffeelings of guilt still persist what are they actually related toWhat can thelessonlearnedbe
The palette of possible feelings is vast and unique to each individual Allfeelingsarevalidmdashtheyaretheelementsthegrievingheartiscomposedofandneedtobeprocessedsowecangettoknowourselvesbetter
ADJUSTINGTOTHENEWREALITY
Discoveringhowtoadjusttoanewrealityvariesdistinctlyaccordingtothedetailsofour life situationandhowwe interpret themeaningof the lossThemorethelossthreatensourimmediatesurvivalthemoreimportantitbecomestoimplementbehaviorsforadjustment
For someone whose livelihood depended on who or what has been lostfindingwaystomakeendsmeetandfulfillonersquosmaterialobligationsbecomesofutmostimportanceAfterourinitialsurvival-basedneedsaremetotherneedsgain importance These often manifest as questions that reflect the newlybereaved personrsquos confusion or unfamiliarity with how to approach life afterlossldquoWhoamI ifnotamarriedmanWhoamInowthatIamunemployedWhycontinuetopraysincemypreviousprayerswerenotansweredrdquoByaskingyourselftheseandotherkeyquestionsyoulearnwhoyouhavebecomeandhowtolivemoreconsciouslywithoutthedeceasedAsyouembraceyournewrealitythe practice of Resolve is a solid ally imprinting new mental patterns andresettingoldonesNamingkeyresolutionssuchasldquoIpaymybillsontimerdquoorldquoIgotothegymeverydayrdquoiswhatkeepsthedirectionclear
Thesemental adjustments become effective coping tools for the long-termexperience of grief and bring immediate relief of present suffering Thedependenceon theold realitystarts to fadeawayThisoffersa freshdynamicoutlookthatenhancesindependenceandself-worthjustbykeepingaheightenedanddevotedfocusonthenewlyblossomingself
FACILITATINGEMOTIONALRELOCATIONOFTHEDECEASEDORLOSTOBJECT
Yogaaddressesthefundamentalmisapprehensionoffalseegoidentificationtaking the impermanent for permanent As you locate your place in the newrealitytherelationshiptowhoorwhatyouhavelostchangessignificantlyThisclarificationisessentialforhumblingthethreatenedegoInsteadofsubstitutingtheoldattachmentforanewoneseekanewplaceforyourselfinrelationshiptowhoorwhatyoulostYoucanchoosetofocusonwhoyouarenowwithoutthedepartedperson
BreathMeditationisidealforsupportingtheprocessofemotionalrelocationbecauseit requiresus tappingintoourcore issues theprofoundaspectsofouridentityForthisdeepandintimateworkourbreathmdashourlifeforcefuelingourworkmdashwillcontinuetoserveusuntilwetoodepartfromthislife
Your previous identity as effective anduseful as itwaswas linked to thepast responses andbehaviors relating to theworldrsquos challenges froma formernow-nonexistent timeThenewly forming self-identity is beingbasedonyourrevised inner world with more conscious thoughts positive images andappropriate needs that populate a healthier present The focus of yourembarkationismoresavoringandembracingtheactualinternaljourneyleadingyou home to your true self rather than the external aspects that previouslydefinedyourlife
DETACHEDATTACHMENTAHEALTHYMODELFORTHEFUTURE
After losing their son to an accident involving a drunk driver the Smithfamily started a nonprofit organization to raise funds to create a publicawarenesscampaignonthedangersofdrivingundertheinfluenceofalcohol
The organization offered an outlet for their emotions and created a publicforumforhonoringthelostchildinameaningfulwayThefamilyseemedtakenabackwhenI reminded themthat thenonprofit toowouldonedaycometoanend I explained that for example in the best-case scenario their campaignwould be 100 percent effective and no drunk driverswould exist so nomorefundswouldbeneeded
MyintentionwastomakethefamilyawareofthefinitenatureofallthingsincludingtheirorganizationEventhoughtheydidnotlikeanticipatingtheendtheywerecomfortedwhenIaskedthemtoconsiderthisnewpieceofawarenessasagiftfromtheirson
The ultimate intention of Wordenrsquos fourth task is to continue with thepreexistingbondand to findwaysofestablishinganenduringconnectionwithwhat wersquove lost Interestingly enough most existing models of grief therapypropose establishing new and healthier attachments as away to continuewithlife
IsuggestyouconsideranotherwaytolookatthisonemorecloselyrelatedtotheknowledgeofyogaIcallitdetachedattachmentaveryskillfultoolDoformattachmentsyetkeepfullawarenessofthefactthatwhatyouareattachedtowill inevitably disappear Factoring in the truth of the impermanence of allthingsyoucanestablishnewemotionalbondsthatempoweryoutolivefullyinthe moment with no promise of tomorrow Truly embodying this knowledgecouldeffectivelyfreeyoufromremaininginthepainfulcycleofattachmentAsall things eventually do attachment too must end Reassessing the value ofholding on to a belief that only brings suffering leads us to ask ldquoWhy notsubstitute it with a healthier more reasonable concept that might feel evenbetterrdquo
Thisapproachbridgesthepureandattimesunattainablemodelsoforthodoxyoga with the accommodating processes of Western psychology It offers ahappy medium for making new attachments which is an inherent need thathumanshaveBykeepingawide-openthirdeyeaccessingayogicawarenessofthe impermanence of all things you still allow for loving fully Loving inabsence aswell as in presence affords the opportunity of living fullywith theguidanceoftheyogicprinciplesforexistencereducingfuturesuffering
ThisisperhapsoneofthemostdifficultchallengeshumansreckonwithWeexhibit confusion either mistaking love for attachment or struggling to lovewithout itTheverycoreof the relocationprocesshouses theseedofournewbeing While relocating the deceased is the task we too are finding a newemotional address for ourselves Attributed to the universal integration of allexisting things balance equilibrates all systems simultaneously Performingritualsandengaginginactivitiestohonorthepersonorobjectwelostisintruthfor us The actual benefit gained is wholly for our healingwe can reclaim asenseofwell-beingwhilefacilitatingouradjustmentprocess
RevisitingtheexampleoftheSmithfamilyalthoughthesonmightneversee
thenonprofitorganizationtheyopenedinhisnametheorganizationhelpedthefamilytofindnewpurposeandanewidentity
TheThirdPartFindingtheNewIdentity
ThisiswherethetruegemlieswheretheblessingindisguiseisrevealedIamreferringtothedelightonefeelswhenfindingapotofgoldattheendoftherainbowItistheresultyouarelookingforwhenembarkingonaconsciousgriefjourneyYouopenaportaltoadeeperconnectionwiththeSpirittothespiritualrealm of your existence by integrating fresh information on how the bodyprocessesgriefwithhowthemindunderstandsit
WhenexploringthisnewconnectioneachpersondefinesandrelatestotheSpiritinhisorherownwayThequesttoknowtheSpiritisage-oldDespitethisbookrsquos many attempts to explain what Spirit is and because Spirit is anexperienceapracticemightbewortha lotmore thana thousandwordsLetrsquosuseyetagainanotherusefulpracticefromyoga
FINDINGSPIRITINTHEINNERSILENCE
IrsquovefoundthatpracticingthefirstpartofatechniquecalledantarmounaorldquoinnersilencerdquoisofmuchhelpwhenlookingforadeeperconnectionwiththeSpiritThetechniqueconsistsofsittinginacomfortablepositioninstillnessandwiththeeyesclosedThenhearallsoundsidentifyingloudonesfromsoftonesdistantones from those thatareclosebyknownones fromunknownoneshellipNow switch your awareness to your earsmdashthe outer ear its temperature itsshapetrytofeelthemiddleandeventheinnerearPerceiveyourearshellipNowswitchtheawarenesstoYouthewitnessofthesoundsmdashnotthesoundsnottheearsbutYouthewitnessofallsounds
Aftermasteringthetechniqueusingyourearsyoumaycontinuefocusingonyour feelings and then on your thoughts This technique offers a gradual pathtoward the innermost self it can be thought of as a system for disidentifyingwiththegrosserplanesofrealityTheselfweencounteristheoneweareafter
TheSpiritcanbecalledtheaspectofthebeingthatwitnesseslifethroughaphysicalbodyitisnotthephysicalbodynorthefactsoftheexperienceItistheobserverthatisnotalteredbywhatitobservesjustasamirrorisnotaffectedbytheitemsitreflects
SKILLFULQUESTIONING
Finding thenew identitycanbegreatlyhelpedbyusingoneof thegoldentoolsinyogaatmavicharaorself-inquiryTheessentialquestionoftheinquiryisldquoWhoamIrdquoTheanswercanonlybefoundwithinbyconnectingwiththewitnessbyaskingtheobserverwithinbygettingtoknowyourownSpirit
The question is intended to help you connect with the ldquosubjectrdquo of thisexistence or the ldquoIrdquoWe identify ourselves by the states we go through thethingswepossessandtheobjectswerelatetoAnswerssuchasldquoIamrichrdquoorldquoIamsadrdquoleadtoafalseidentification
Thekindofself-inquiryIrsquomindicating isbestconductedwhenworkingondiscarding the object-based identitymdashwhat I ammdashin order to discover thesubject-basedonewhoIamIt isaquestfor thetrueself inall thatwedo ineverythoughteveryspeecheveryaction
Thereasontoperformself-inquiryisthatwedonrsquotpurporttoknowwhoweareandgriefoffersusplentytodoubtTheskillfulquestioningisnotjustrelatedtowhatfamilyyoubelongtoorwhichcountryyouwereborninratheritseekstounmaskyouressentialidentityasanembodiedSpiritThatpartofyourselfasitrelatestoldquoIrdquoisnotidentifiedwiththephysical
Itconnectsyouwiththepureawarenessofwhoyouareratherthanwhatyouare aware of Bear in mind that the difference between object and subjectappearssubtletousandthatweareinherentlyconfusedaboutthesetworealmsOther clarifying questions are Who is feeling sad Who is experiencinganxietyWho is feeling lonely and fearfulMost grievers do not want to bedefinedbytheirgriefthistechniquehelpsconnectwiththeonewitnessingthesufferingnotthesufferingitself
COGNITIVEREFRAMING
VickiPanagotacos (2012292) agiftedAmericangrief therapist proposesfouressentialquestionstoguidetheprocessofenvisioninganewselfandanewlifebydefiningcertainparametersmostofusneedtodealwithIrsquovefoundthatherquestionsareskillful insupportingagrieverrsquospracticeofatmavicharaorself-inquiryThefourquestionsareasfollows
1 Whatdoyouwanttoincludeinyourlife
2 Whatdonrsquotyouwanttoincludeinyourlife
3 Whatdoyouhaveinyourlifethatyouwanttoeliminate
4 Whatdoyouhaveinyourlifethatyouwanttokeep
PanagotacosproposeswritingdowntheanswersoneeachonseparatepagesIn her therapy practice she dedicates a session to providing a final list to herclients including the answers to question 1 plus the ldquoconverted answersrdquo toquestions23and4(ForexampleldquoIdonrsquotwanttomoverdquoconvertstoldquoIwantto stay where I am livingrdquo [293]) I suggest you convert your answers toquestions23and4thenwriteadocumentwithyourfinallistThesearegreatquestionstoaskyourselftopromoteawarenessofyourpersonaljourneyandtofindyourselfinyournewlifeplans
According toKarenWhitleyBellwhowroteLiving at theEnd of LifeAHospiceNurseAddressestheMostCommonQuestions(2010)oneofthemostcommon comments of dying individuals when asked about what they regretabouttheirlivesisthattheywishtheywouldhavelivedmoreaccordingtotheirdesiresthanothersrsquoexpectationsWhileourlivescanonlybebreathedthroughourownnostrils sometimeswe adopt other peoplersquos beliefs aboutwhatrsquos bestforusandassumethemasguidinglightsItisonlythroughfulfillingtheneedsandthedeepdesiresofourheartsthatwecanachieveourdestinyflowingintheuniversalorderofallexistingthings
AtreedoesnotdevelopbranchesjustforbirdstoperchratherbecausethebranchesformthatisinthenatureofthetreersquosdevelopmentandunfoldingThefact thatabirdcanperchon itsbranch is just soandnot the treersquos reasonforbeing
IfyourpreviousidentitywasbasedonothersrsquoneedsyoucannowredesignandredefineanewbyaccessingoneofhumanityrsquosessentialdesiresldquothedesireforpurposethedrivetobecomewhoyouaremeanttoberdquoasexpressedbyRodStryker (2011 35) ldquoYour long-term happiness and fulfillmentrdquo he continuesldquodependonyourabilitytofulfillyourpersonaldharmaandfilltheplaceintheworldthatonlyyoucanfillrdquo
WhatArethePossibleMeaningsofFindingaNewIdentityAfterLoss
Oneoftheamazingfeaturesofthehumanbrainisitsabilitytoassignmeaningto our experiencesThis is due to the presenceof the neocortex a vast net ofinterconnected neurons that complement the functions of the reptilian braininteractingwiththelimbicsystemandtheemotionalbrainThisemotionalpartof thebrain appeared inmammals only just a fewmillionyears agoSowhat
doesthisprocessoftransformationmeanforanindividualThereisnoshortageofmeanings
FindingaLightattheEndoftheTunnel
Despair iscommoningriefbecausesometimes in thevastdarknessof theprocesswecannotenvisionhowlifecouldpossiblygoonItislikebeingstuckinadarktunnelunabletosenselightattheotherend
Thismetaphor often refers to the impossibility of identifying a solutionorresolution for an existing situation when we are in the thick of it ExistencecontinuesafterlossandsocanweBytrustingthatthereislightsomewhereandthat thedarknessinwhichweareimmersedinthepresentmomentwillnotbethere forever we can relax knowing that in time it too will change likeeverythingelsedoes
ThecaseofoneofmyclientsJoancomestomindFeelingboredpracticingConcentratedGazingsheaskedmetousealitcandleforthedistantfocalpointinsteadofablackdotHerassumptionwasthatthedancingflamewouldpreventherfromfeelingdrowsy
Because she had defined the experience of her grief aswalking through adarktunnelwithnoendIproposedtokeepthisimageinmindasshepracticedThis conscious ldquoshiftingrdquo of attention from her present reality of pain andconfusiontothepromiseofanenlightenedfutureservedasapowerfulmetaphorforJoanPerformingthisformofConcentratedGazingshetookthismetaphorofthelightattheendofthetunneltothephysicalrealmofherpractice
Focusingtheeyeonthedistantobjectbecameasymbolofherwillingnesstoface the unknown future projecting her intention tomove beyond the presentfeelings of pain confusion and isolation Even thoughwemight bemired indarknessanddespairthearcofourvisioncarriesustoadeeperrealityonefromwhichweemergestrongerandwiserThankstothisconsciousworkweareabletoovercomethenegativeanticipatorythinkingthathasensnaredus
WhileteachingaclassattheUniversityofCaliforniandashBerkeleyIoncehearda seasoned therapist share her newly found observation She stated that afterthirty-fiveyearsofcounselingclientsshesawthatalltherapeuticworkisbasedindealingwithgrief
Althoughmostgrievingindividualscertainlywouldpreferaquickfixthosewhochose to laboriouslyengage ingriefworkcanfindhope regain trustand
reducetheirpainEnticedbythepossibilityofabetterlifeonemoreabundantinlightandself-lovetheyrealizethatjustontheothersideoftheveilofdarknessissomuchmorethanmostofuseverthoughtpossibleWeenvisionthepositiveoutcomeofourgriefworka torchthatblazesat theothersidewiththenewlydiscoveredknowledgeofself
ExperiencingRebirth
Sometimestheexperienceofarrivingtoanewselfissointensethatpeoplerefer to it as a new birth or a rebirth This is something Irsquove seen happenparticularlyinthecaseofcancerpatientsPeoplefacingcancerhaveaprimarylossofhealthbuttheyalsofacesecondarylossessuchasthelossoftheabilityto perform familiar activities or the loss of hair due to chemotherapyrsquossecondaryeffects
Once losses have been normalized a surprising number of cancer patientsexpress enjoying newly cherished aspects of life They have reported feelingdeeper gratitude delighting in delicate interpersonal contact embodying adeeper knowing of their personal needs and more actively participating inincreasedcompassionateself-care
ManyperceivethisasanewlifeOftencancerpatientswillrefertothedateofdiagnosisasakindofldquosecondbirthdayrdquo
THEMYTHOFTHEPHOENIX
Thephoenixamythicalbirdthatobtainsnewlifebyrisingfromtheashesofits predecessorThe aftermath of the shockingdevastationof loss is describedusing imagery referring to scorched landscapes after a fire empty colorlessvacant dark and lifeless Using this metaphor imagine what this charredlandscape home to so many different animals plants and trees might havecontainedbeforeTheashescontaintherecordedimprintofthepreexistingfaunaandfloraaswellastheelementsthathelpthesoilbecomemorefertileandthatimprove theoverallhealthof the forestDespite theabsenceofwhatwas losttheirmemoryisretainedconcentratedintheashwhichfertilizestheforestfloorandfacilitatesregrowth
Byremainingpresentforthefeelingsthatcomeupingriefwebecomelikethe phoenix created anew from the ashes left behind by loss In her beautifulshortpieceonthelossofason-in-lawKimberleyPittman-Schulzwritesthatldquoto
grieve one deathmeans always to grieve twordquo (2011 16) This is true for somanyof thepeoplehollowedoutby theirexperienceof lossWhatever timeittakesmdashmonthsoryearsmdashtobecomeawareofhowdeeplyalosshaspenetratedus we have the option of living in honor of the departed or deceased byfollowingourpath
Themythofthephoenixisapowerfuloneforunderstandinghowfromthedepths of the ashes a new being is born rising high above the place of oursorrowanddespairendowedwithnewperspectivesandacquiredwisdom
HonoringtheLegacyoftheDeparted
Other than profoundly negative relationships the severance of whichprovidesreliefmostofuswanttocontinuethebondsfindingwaystohonorthelegacyofwhatwehavelost
MostlywechoosetobelievethatthedepartedwouldpreferustobehappyandtostillfulfillourdreamsIndoingso thisbecomesawayofhonoringthememory and intentions of the departed and a way of staying in contact withthemItprovidesuswithafreshopportunitytoshareournewinformationaboutourselves andour accomplishmentswith thedeceased in a figurativeway thatwebelievewouldmakethemhappy
Itallowsourbodies toengage inanaction thesimpleactionof livingourlivesinabetterwayWecannottouchthehandofalostchildorphysicallyhugalostpetyetwefindnewendeavorstoaccomplishldquoinhonorofrdquoldquoasrelatedtordquoandldquointhenameofrdquothedepartedbringingnewmeaningtotheloss
This can serve us by acknowledging and attending to the unfinishedbusiness and still effect perceptive changes even in our relationshipwith thedeceased
BeinganExampletoOthers
OursocietyisnotcomfortablewithgriefnordoesitoffersuitableoutletsforexpressionoftherelatedfeelingsInsteadgriefoftengetssweptundertherugAcommonbelief is thatwegetoverourgriefwith thepassageof timeNothingcouldbefurtherfromthetruththereisnoldquogettingoverrdquoourgriefanditdoesnot simply fade away with time By being patient with our own process weteachotherspatienceByconsciouslyaddressingoursymptomsweteachothers
about self-care By properly naming our feelings and speaking our truth weteachotherstoheargrieversoutandconsolethem
Finding a new identity after loss requires awareness and presence for themultitudeofinsightsgriefoffersBydoingourworkandsharingourexperiencewebecomeamodelanexamplethatotherscanbenefitfromintheirownlivesSociety loves those characters who are secure solid assertive and exhibitdominionoveruncertaintiesEveryonegravitates toward theherowhohumblyunderstands personal weaknesses has self-reliant qualities and has integratedacquiredknowledgeandwisdom
Aswetransitthegrievingprocessfromourheartsandtheintricaciesofourmindswediscoverourresilienceandstrengthenourskillsdefiningabetterlifeandsettingagoodexampletobewitnessedbyothers
LearningNewWaysofLoving
Our new identity can offer a different relationship between love andattachmentonethatmovesawayfrompresentingthemasequalIonceheardanotedprofessionalsaythatgriefisthepricewepayforlovebutintruthgriefisthepricewepayforattachment
Todifferentiate love fromattachmentwe set anewstandardofpossibilityboth with others and for ourselves Societies flourishing in balance and truthstartwithindividualsandrightnowthatisyouandme
Bymakingloveandattachment thesamewemistake the impermanentforpermanent and insteadof lovingunconditionallywe create the conditions forcodependenceByunderstandinghowtocontinuelovinginthefaceofabsencewe liberate love from itsmaterial basis and liberate ourselves in the processThen love achieves its full force becoming capable of transforming inunexpected ways undoing the old and granting us access to a new way oflovingourselveswithfreedomandrespect
SinkingintotheOrderoftheUniverse
The universal order is already in existence and sinking into it promotesactionsthatreinforcetheprincipleofpronoiawhichdictatesthattheuniverseisconspiring in your highest good in both the internal and externalworlds Theacceptanceofthisfactreestablishesourtrustinlifeandbringsasenseofhope
thatiselusivewhileingriefChangeisaconstantforceintheorderoftheuniverseAsyoubecomeaware
of personal choices that no longer serve you trusting the universal forceactivates conscious envisioning of new more appropriate options AnotheressentialyogictruthexpressesthatldquoalltheknowledgeyouneedforyourlifeisalreadywithinyourdquoConsidering thiscanhelpyoubreak free frompreviouslyheldbeliefsthatcauseresistance
IndoingsoyouremovethefirstofthefivecausesofsufferingasstatedbyPatanjali inTheYogaSutras ignoranceof the truthReplacing ignorancewithknowledgebasedonourpresentrealityisoftangiblebenefittogrievers
Theresultingfeeling issimilar towhatweexperiencewhenweswimwiththe current or when we sleep at night a sense of going with the flowcharacterizedbycomfortandeaseThatdoesnotmeantheabsoluteabsenceofstruggleItsuggeststhataswepracticeweencounteraccommodatingmomentsthatallowus togetcomfortablealongwith thediscomfortor relaxwithin theunrestfeelingeaseinthemidstofcomplexity
Yourecognizethatyouarepartofalargerorganismabundantinactivityandpulsatingwith lifeTheacceptance thatyouarepartofacommunityofotherswhohavehopesdesiresandfearsjustlikeyoudocanbeapowerfulantidotetotheparalyzingisolationofgrief
Youcanchangeanidentityestablishedontheoldmodelofattachmentsandembrace a new one based on the synchronicity of your coexistence with theuniverseMost of thework in yoga is related to understanding this union andallowing it to be lifersquos guiding light Transforming our grief offers theopportunity most of us seek to access to bathe in the universal wisdom andbecome part of the whole This experience changes our life forever in theintimacyofoursolitudeorinthecompanyoftherestofhumanity
GriefiswithoutadoubtthemostintenseinvitationtoacknowledgetheunionofallexistingthingsIhaveknownItnotonlyforcesustolivewithamazinglycontradictoryfeelingsandemotionssuchasldquoIdonrsquotwanttoeverthinkofhimagainmdashIdonrsquotwanttoeverforgethimrdquobutalsobecausewearepromptedtogothroughextremelyoppositeconditionsinourbodiesaswellfromfeelingfullofenergywhenexperiencingtheinitialshockofalosstofeelingdeepfatigueafewdayslaterAsconfusingastheseextremesmightseemtoourmindsourheartsfind solace and relief when able to link these opposing feelings and thoughtswith the word ldquoandrdquo A significant part of the new identity results fromsubstituting the limiting ldquobutrdquo for a more inclusive ldquoandrdquo Just think of how
differentitfeelstohearyourselfsayingldquoIwanttoremarrybutnootherwomanwilllovemethesamewayrdquoversusldquoIwanttoremarryandnootherwomanwilllove me the same wayrdquo The very presence of the word ldquobutrdquo is divisiveseparatingnotconducivetoreconciliationmdashqualitiesthatgrieversneednomoreofOnthecontraryldquoandrdquoisinclusiveunitinganinvitationtoreconcileTheseareallmilestonesforagrieveralonghisorherjourneythroughgrief
Aswe conclude the discussion of how to transform grief into a source ofself-knowledge toward a new identity I would like to revive the image of awindmillasametaphorforthisprocessoftransformationJustasthewindmillbladesaremovedbywindourwholebeingissweptupbythemysteryoflossThisnaturalphenomenon iswhatsparks the transformationofhardgrains intoedible flour just as loss forcesus to transform thedepthsofwhoweareThenewly created flour is the starting point of a future meal just as the newlyacquiredknowledgewehavegainedfromlossisthestartingpointofanewldquoIrdquo
ConclusionldquoSolitudehassoftsilkyhandsbutwithstrongfingersitgraspstheheartand
makesitachewithsorrowSolitudeistheallyofsorrowaswellasacompanionofspiritualexaltationrdquo
mdashKahlilGibran(200559)
GriefaffectsusonthedeepestlevelimaginableinallaspectsofourhumanitythephysicalmentalandspiritualBecausesomuchofouridentityiswrappedupinpreviousattachmentswhethergoodorbadthatidentityisstrippedawaywhenwe lose thosepersonsorobjects towhichwersquovebecomeattachedTheyoftenloomsolargelyinourworldthatwerarelytaketimetoquestionhowourlives might be affected by their absence When that moment comes we areforced to answer that question Regardless of our cultural background orreligiousaffiliationwefeel thatuniquesensationthatcomeswithlossBeyondany name we can find for it our whole being ldquoknowsrdquo what we are goingthrough
ThisbookisbornfromthatfeelingdeepwithinmeitisonemoreexpressionofhowmygriefpermeatedmyactionsthoughtsandwordsInowrealizethatfully embracing my personal grief along with my passion for working withgrievers professionally has been a way of emotionally relocatingmymotherandinevitablymyselfTheldquoIrdquospeakingtoyouinthepagesofthisbookcouldnotexistwithoutfirsthavingtransformedmyowngrief
Irsquove shared information about many aspects of grief that can help younormalize yours Please know that loss is part of the human condition andsooneror later grief is felt byallUnderstandinghowEast andWestdiffer intheir view of grief may help you tolerate your contradicting feelings andthoughtsYourpresentrealityisinawayinducedbyyourbrainBepatientallthroughoutlifeyourbrainadaptsbyrewiringitselfthroughexperiencemdashsocanyou
Irsquove offered tools to transform your physical reality through body
movementsandpostures aswell as to reshapeyourmentalpanorama throughbreath work and connect with the deep wisdom of your Spirit throughmeditation Irsquove given suggestions to tailor your practice according to yourabilitiesandneedsUnderstanding the relationshipbetween the techniquesandthewaysthetechniquesaffectgriefcaninformyourchoicesastowhichofthemtopractice
ThesimpleactofpracticingismoreimportantthananyonespecificexercisecontainedinthisbookWhathelpsyoumostisprovingtoyourselfthatyouhavetheintentiontochangePracticewillhelpyoufindwaysofkeepinganenduringconnectionwithwhoorwhathasdepartedwhilerelatingtoyournewemergingselfAsyouwitnessyourselfthepracticehasalreadybegun
ThroughthepowerofyogayouareabletoplungeintothedepthsthathousenotonlyyourpainbutalsoyourtrueselfItisoftenduringthistimethatweareabletomakereallastingchangesthatputusonanewpathtowardgreaterself-fulfillment and ultimate acceptance of the laws of the Universemdashour humbleessenceisjustonemoregrainofsandontheshoresofexistence
In our modern society we tend to trek through life at a breakneck pacestopping to look and listen only rarely either when itrsquos convenient or mostcommon when we are shocked into awareness Loss itself causes the soul-stirring awakening that transforms us even though grief asks not if we arepreparedforsuchtransformativework
Timeisanessentialpartof theprocess justnot theonlyonePayingcloseattentiontothewisdomofourSpiritisrequiredBereavementisatimewhentheSpirit can be contacted most readily because its latent power is clearlyaccessibleAsyoutranscendtheapparentdualityofexistenceyouwillfindthatlifeanddeathabsenceandpresencearepartofonecontinuumandcannotstripyouoftheloveresidingunderneathyoursuffering
TheyogapracticeIrsquovesharedwithyouisnottohelpavoidsufferingratherit is toaidyou in finding reliefAsyouexperienceyourgriefmore fullyyoumove closer to the unique being that you truly are Grief then becomes anaturally humbling invitation to self-reflection not something to be reviled orshunnedManyculturesacceptdeathasatimeofrenewalasapreciousmomentthat teaches us about the bonds we all share including the one with oneselfWhen loss occurs many of us let in loneliness for the first time As youacknowledge the life that has departed you also feel the life that still resideswithinandyouareinvitedtorecognizethatonedaythislifewilltoodepart
This isyour time toaccessasacredspacesetyour intentionsandwitness
theunfoldingoflifeonebreathinonebreathoutYouaretheonewhoneedsacknowledgmentinthismomentmorethananythingelseHereyogacanonceagain assist you Just consider one of yogarsquos core teachings ldquoWhat we arelookingforistheonewhoislookingrdquoYouareonyourwayhellip
GlossaryASANA
PhysicalmovementorposturetraditionallyfoundinthesystemofyogaByfirstaddressing thephysicalasanas help establish a strong foundation in the bodybeforemoreadvancedexercisesandmeditationareperformed
ATTACHMENTTHEORY
Theory pioneered by the behaviorist John Bowlby that discusses how we ashumanbeingsformemotionalbondsasinfantsandchildrenthatthendetermineourlove-relatedbehaviorsintoadulthood
AYURVEDA
AscienceoflifeayurmeaninglifeandvedameaningscienceorknowledgeItoffersabodyofwisdomdesignedtohelppeoplestayvitalwhilerealizingtheirfullhumanpotentialProvidingguidelinesonidealdailyandseasonalroutinesAyurvedaremindsusthathealthisthebalancedanddynamicintegrationofourenvironmentmindbodyandspirit
CHAKRAS
Energetic centers in the physical body that correspond to different nerveplexuses and endocrine glands aswell as certain emotional and psychologicaltraitsEachchakrasignifiesdifferentstagesofhumanevolution
DEGRIEFINGPROCESS
An integrated approach to grief therapy pioneered by Lyn Prashant thatincorporates bodywork traditional grief counseling and complementarytherapies
JWILLIAMWORDEN
American psychologist and grief counselor who created the ldquotasksrdquo model ofgrievingwhich identifies four tasks thegrievermust transit to fulfillanormalgrievingprocess
MEDITATION
MeditationisidentifiedbyPatanjaliwhowroteTheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliasthe primary means by which the practitioner achieves liberation It usuallyentailslimitingtherangeofchangeofthemindtobringaboutcalmandfocus
NORMALIZATION
Theconcept encountered ingrief therapy thatgrief symptomsarenormal andthat thesufferingagriever feelsaftera loss isnot tobeshunned It takes intoaccount both cultural and familial dismissals of grief This is often away forgrieverstofirstaccepttherealityoftheirlossandtostartprocessingthroughthepainoftheirgrief
PRANAYAMA
BreathingexercisestraditionallyfoundinthesystemofyogaBymanipulatingtheprana(lifeforce)pranayamaleadsustooperateontheconsciousnessitself
PRIMARYLOSS
The loss of a loved one object or ideal that occurs first and causes a typicalgriefreaction
PSYCHOPHYSIOLOGY
Multidisciplinarystudyofpsychologybiologyandneurologythatdemonstrateshowenvironmentalfactorsinfluenceusonapsychologicallevel
SADHANA
A spiritual practice that advocates a set of practical exercises to establishregularitythatsustainedovertimeleadsustospiritualfulfillment
SANKALPA
Theyogic principle ofResolveThis helps aid practitioners in identifying andsettinggoalsfortheirpracticeandthereforetheirlives
SECONDARYLOSSES
Lossesthatoccurasaresultoftheprimarylosshavingoccurred
SHATKARMA
Cleansing exercises that help purify both the body and mind preparing thepractitionerformeditation
YOGA
Asix-thousand-year-olddisciplinefromancientIndiawherebythroughphysicalexercises breath work and meditation we can overcome the suffering weencounterinlifeandcontactourSpirit
YOGACHIKITSA
Manrsquosfirstattemptatunitiveunderstandingofthemindemotionsandphysicaldistressandtheoldestholisticconceptandtherapyintheworld
YOGATHERAPY
Westernmodulationoftheoriginaldisciplineofyogaoftenperformedone-on-onethatcombinestraditionaltherapeuticmodelswiththebenefitsbestowedbythepracticeofyoga
ReferencesBegleySharon2007ldquoTheBrainHowtheBrainRewiresItselfrdquoTimeJanuary
192007httpcontenttimecomtimemagazinearticle09171158043800html
BhaktivedantaACSwamiPrabhupada1972Bhagavad-GitaasItIsLosAngelesBhaktivedantaBookTrust
Boleyn-FitzgeraldMiriam2010PicturesoftheMindWhattheNewNeuroscienceTellsUsAboutWhoWeAreNewYorkFTPress
BowlbyJohn1969AttachmentandLossVol1AttachmentNewYorkBasicBooks
BowlbyJohn1972AttachmentandLossVol2SeparationAnxietyandAngerNewYorkBasicBooks
BrezsnyRob2009PronoiaIstheAntidoteforParanoiaRevisedandExpandedHowtheWholeWorldisConspiringtoShowerYouwithBlessingsBerkeleyCANorthAtlanticBooks
BrobergAndersG2000ldquoAReviewofInterventionsintheParentndashChildRelationshipInformedbyAttachmentTheoryrdquoActaPaeligdiatrica89(434)37ndash42
BryantEdwinFed2009TheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliANewEditionTranslationandCommentaryNewYorkFarrarStrausandGiroux
DavidsonRichard2012TheEmotionalLifeofYourBrainHowItsUniquePatternsAffecttheWayYouThinkFeelandLivemdashandHowYouCanChangeThemNewYorkHudsonStreetPress
DiamondLisaM2001ldquoContributionsofPsychophysiologytoResearchonAdultAttachmentReviewandRecommendationsrdquoPersonalityandSocialPsychologyReview5(4)276ndash95
DiemerDeedre1998TheABCsofChakraTherapyAWorkbookYorkBeach
MaineSamuelWeiserInc
FreudSigmund1953ldquoMourningandMelancholiardquoInCollectedPapersVolIVeditedbyErnestJones152ndash70LondonTheHogarthPress
GardnerJames2002ldquoSomaticAspectsofLossandGriefrdquoNotesforUCBerkeleyExtensionContinuingEducationWorkshopBerkeleyCalifOctober26ndash27
GardnerJames2010ldquoTheAnxietyToolboxProgramrdquohttpwwwanxietytoolboxcomtoolboxindexhtm
GibranKahlil2005ldquoSilentSorrowrdquoInTheKahlilGibranReaderInspirationalWritingstranslatedbyAnthonlyRFerris59ndash61NewYorkCitadelPress
GoetheJohannWolfgangvon(attributed)DateunknownFromldquoUntilOneIsCommittedhelliprdquobyMeredithLeeGoetheSocietyofNorthAmericalastmodifiedMarch51998httpwwwgoethesocietyorgpagesquotescomhtml
LowenAlexander1994BioenergeticsTheRevolutionaryTherapyThatUsestheLanguageoftheBodytoHealtheProblemsoftheMindNewYorkPenguinArkana
LuncheHowardJ1999UnderstandingGriefAGuidefortheBereavedBerkeleyCASVLPress
MainMaryandJudithSolomon1986ldquoDiscoveryofanInsecureDisorientedAttachmentPatternProceduresFindingsandImplicationsfortheClassificationofBehaviorrdquoInAffectiveDevelopmentinInfancyeditedbyTBerryBrazeltonandMichaelYogmanNewYorkAblexPublishing
PanagotacosVicki2012ldquoDefiningandEnvisioningSelfrdquoInTechniquesofGriefTherapyCreativePracticesforCounselingtheBereavededitedbyRobertANeimeyerNewYorkRoutledge
Pascual-LeoneAlvaro2001ldquoTheBrainThatPlaysMusicandIsChangedByItrdquoAnnalsoftheNewYorkAcademyofSciences930315ndash29
PertCandace1997MoleculesofEmotionWhyYouFeeltheWayYouFeelNewYorkScribner
Pittman-SchulzKimberley2011ldquoLightHeldTogetherByWaterrdquoTheSunMagazineOctober162011
PrashantLyn2002TheArtofTransformingGriefAPracticalGuideforCombiningConventionalandComplementaryMind-BodyTherapiesSanAnselmoCalifSelf-published
PrashantLyn2005Keynotespeechatthe12thAnnualNationalAlzheimerrsquosConferenceMayoClinicRochesterMinnNovember
RandoTherese1993TreatmentofComplicatedMourningChampaignIllResearchPress
RawatPremPalSingh1990March16LectureatThePremRawatFoundationBuenosAiresArgentina
ReichWilhelm1949CharacterAnalysisNewYorkFarrarStrausandGiroux
RosenbaumBentandSverreVarvin2007ldquoTheInfluenceofExtremeTraumatizationonBodyMindandSocialRelationsrdquoInternationalJournalofPsychoanalysis88(6)1527ndash42
SatyanandaSwami1976FourChaptersonFreedomBiharIndiaYogaPublicationsTrust
SatyanandaSwami1985KundaliniTantraBiharIndiaYogaPublicationsTrust
SelbyJohn1992KundaliniAwakeningAGentleGuidetoChakraActivationandSpiritualGrowthNewYorkBantamBooks
StrykerRod2011TheFourDesiresCreatingaLifeofPurposeHappinessProsperityandFreedomNewYorkDelcortePress
SubramuniyaswamiSivaya1999WeaverrsquosWisdomAncientPreceptsforaPerfectLifeKapaaHIHimalayanAcademy
UlvestadElling2012ldquoPsychoneuroimmunologyTheExperientialDimensionrdquoMethodsinMolecularBiology93421ndash37
VandenBergBellisAlbertWongPetervanderVeldenHendriekBoshuizenandLindaGrievink2012ldquoDisasterExposureasaRiskFactorforMentalHealthProblemsEighteenMonthsFourandTenYearsPost-DisasterALongitudinalStudyrdquoBMCPsychiatry12147ndash60
WhitleyBellKaren2010LivingattheEndofLifeAHospiceNurseAddressestheMostCommonQuestionsNewYorkSterlingPublishing
WeintraubAmy2004YogaforDepressionACompassionateGuidetoRelieveSufferingThroughYogaNewYorkBroadwayBooks
WordenJWilliam2009GriefCounselingandGriefTherapyAHandbookfortheMentalHealthPractitioner4thedNewYorkSpringerPublishingCo
AntonioSausysMAIGTCMTRYTisasomaticpsychotherapistandyogainstructorspecializing inone-on-oneyoga therapy forpeoplewithchronicandacutemedicalconditionsaswellasemotionalimbalanceHestudiedwithyogamasters and teachers such as Indra Devi Swami Maitreyananda and LarryPayne He has continued his professional development with training inintegrative grief therapy with Lyn Prashant foot reflexology SwedishtherapeuticmassageandReikiAntonioteachesandlecturesperiodicallyattheUniversityofCaliforniaBerkeleyattheCaliforniaInstituteofIntegralStudiesKripaluCenterforYogaandHealthHeisamemberoftheWorldYogaCounciltheInternationalAssociationofYogaTherapistsandtheAssociationforDeathEducationandCounselingHeisthefounderandexecutivedirectorofYogaforHealthmdashthe International Yoga Therapy Conference and television host forYogiViewsFormoreinformationvisityogaforgriefreliefcom
TheauthorthankshisfreelanceeditorElliottVogel forhiscreativeassistanceonYogaforGriefReliefVogelisafreelancewriterandeditorAstudentofyogaforovertenyearsVogelrsquosjourneystudyingthephilosophyandpracticeofyogaoriginatedunderthetutelageofthebookrsquosauthorAntonioSausysHecurrentlyresidesinMillValleyCA
Foreword writer Lyn Prashant PhD FT IGT SYVC is a somaticthanatologist certified grief counselor massage therapist yoga instructorauthorandinternationalpresenterSheisthedirectorandfounderofDegriefingreg
(IntegrativeGriefTherapy)andtheInstituteofSomaticThanatology
- Contents
- Acknowledgments
- Foreword
- Introduction
- Grief A Normal Response to Loss
-
- Defining Grief The Western View
- Four Tasks of Mourning A Road Map for the Grieving Process
- Grief and the Brain
-
- Yoga and Grief
-
- The Five Spokes on the Wheel of Suffering
- Griefrsquos Challenge to Spirituality
- Love Beyond Attachment
-
- How the Yoga for Grief Relief Practice Works
-
- How This Practice Was Born
- The Active Principles of the Practice
- How the Practice Functions as a Whole
-
- What You Can Do The Yoga Practice
-
- Accepting Life Fully
- Unblocking the Flow of the Life Force
- Whisking Up the Feelings
- Let Go
- Sleep Better and Awaken to a New Perspective
- Control Is Somehow Possible
- Bringing Calm to a Scattered Mind and a Distressed Body
- Dissolving Old Patterns and Reprogramming the Mind with Intention
- Opening to Spirit
-
- Designing the Logistical Aspects of Your Practice
-
- Setting the Intention
- Should You Practice Alone or Under Guidance
- Is It Better to Practice Individually or in a Group
- Is It Safe to Do This Practice by Yourself
- Which Exercises Are Best for Me
- Where Should I Practice
- When Should I Practice
- For How Long Should I Practice
- Your Practice Changes as You Do
-
- The Process of Transformation
-
- Finding a New Identity After Loss
- How Can the Transformation Be Accomplished
- What Are the Possible Meanings of Finding a New Identity After Loss
-
- Conclusion
- Glossary
- References
-
griefnotbyleavinggriefbehindbutbymovingallthewaythroughitwith love kindness and compassion for ourselves and forwhatwehavelostrdquo
mdashRichardMillerPhDpsychologistmeditationteacherofnondualismandauthorofTheiRestProgramforHealingPTSDandYogaNidraTheMeditativeHeartofYoga
ldquoAlovingapproachtotransforminggriefandlossAntoniorsquosworkisEast-Westwisdomatitsfinestrdquo
mdashLarryPaynePhDfounderofSamataInternationalYogaandHealth Institute coauthor ofYoga forDummies andYogaRxandtheBusinessofTeachingYogaanddirectoratYogaTherapyRxtradeandPrimeofLifeYogatrade
ldquoTheheartofyoga ishere inAntonioSausysrsquoYoga forGriefReliefSausysunderstandsgrieffirsthandaswellasyogarsquoscapacitytohelpus heal from the inside out Trust Sausysrsquo deeply intuitivecompassionate and authoritative voice as he helps you release thebodilyeffectsofgriefguideschanges inyourperceptionandopensyou to greater self-awareness I fully endorse this practice and thisbookrdquo
mdashAmyWeintraubfoundingdirectoroftheLifeForceYogaHealing Institute and author ofYoga forDepression andYogaSkillsforTherapists
PublisherrsquosNoteThispublicationisdesignedtoprovideaccurateandauthoritativeinformationinregardtothesubjectmattercoveredItissoldwiththeunderstandingthatthepublisherisnotengagedinrenderingpsychologicalfinanciallegalorotherprofessionalservicesIfexpertassistanceorcounselingisneededtheservicesofacompetentprofessionalshouldbesought
ExcerptsfromTirukuralfromWEAVERrsquoSWISDOMbySatguruSivayaSubramuniyaswamicopyrightcopy1999SatguruSivayaSubramuniyaswamiReprintedbypermissionofHimalayanAcademyldquoPhysicalAnatomyandthePsychicChakrasrdquo(chart)fromACHAKRAampKUNDALINIWORKBOOKbyJonnMumfordcopyrightcopy1994JonnMumfordReprintedbypermissionofLlewellynPublications
DistributedinCanadabyRaincoastBooksCopyrightcopy2014byAntonioSausysNewHarbingerPublicationsInc
5674ShattuckAvenueOaklandCA94609httpwwwnewharbingercom
CoverdesignbyAmyShoupTextdesignbyTracyMarieCarlsonAcquiredbyJessOrsquoBrienEditedbyMarisaSolisWiththecreativeassitanceofElliottVogelAllRightsReservedePubISBN9781608828203
LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationDataonfile
ThisbookisdedicatedtomymotherOlgaThemisMarunAvisapwhoeveninherpassinggavememoretoolsthanIcancomprehendtobecometheprofessionalIamtodayBytakingmelovinglybythehandaswepiercedtogetherthroughdifficultiesinlifeshepreparedmeforthe
transformationofthegriefherlossleftbehindintowhoIamtoday
HertrustinmeencouragedmetotakeonthisjourneyherrespectfordisciplinegavemegroundsforperseveringwhenindoubtIamawareshediedconcernedaboutnotseeingme
becomethemansheformedTheunstoppableforceofherteachingsisatestamenttohowwhileIdidloseherphysicalpresenceshewillforeverbeweavedintothetapestryofmyheart
WhereveryouareMominwhateverwayyoucanseemehereitishellipThankyouagain
ContentsAcknowledgmentsForewordIntroductionChapter1GriefANormalResponsetoLoss
DefiningGriefTheWesternViewFourTasksofMourningARoadMapfortheGrievingProcessGriefandtheBrain
Chapter2YogaandGriefTheFiveSpokesontheWheelofSufferingGriefrsquosChallengetoSpiritualityLoveBeyondAttachment
Chapter3HowtheYogaforGriefReliefPracticeWorksHowThisPracticeWasBornTheActivePrinciplesofthePracticeHowthePracticeFunctionsasaWhole
Chapter4WhatYouCanDoTheYogaPracticeAcceptingLifeFullyCompleteBreathing(MahatYogaPranayama)UnblockingtheFlowoftheLifeForceEnergyFlowSeries(Pawanmuktasana1)WhiskingUptheFeelingsWindmill(VayuChakramAsana)LetGoAttitudeofDischarging(UtthitaLolasana)SleepBetterandAwakentoaNewPerspectiveConcentratedGazing(Tratak)ControlIsSomehowPossibleAlternate-NostrilBreathing(NadiShodhanaPranayama)BringingCalmtoaScatteredMindandaDistressedBodySelf-RelaxationTechnique(AngaShaithilya)DissolvingOldPatternsandReprogrammingtheMindwithIntentionResolve(Sankalpa)OpeningtoSpiritBreathMeditation
Chapter5DesigningtheLogisticalAspectsofYourPracticeSettingtheIntentionShouldYouPracticeAloneorUnderGuidanceIsItBettertoPracticeIndividuallyorinaGroupIsItSafetoDoThisPracticebyYourselfWhichExercisesAreBestforMeWhereShouldIPracticeWhenShouldIPracticeForHowLongShouldIPracticeYourPracticeChangesasYouDo
Chapter6TheProcessofTransformationFindingaNewIdentityAfterLossHowCantheTransformationBeAccomplishedWhatArethePossibleMeaningsofFindingaNewIdentityAfterLoss
ConclusionGlossaryReferences
Acknowledgments
My deep gratitude goes to Lyn Prashant Her immense knowledge of theimplicationsofgriefforthebodyinformedandenlightenedmyunderstandingofthis difficult time for the human heart Her insightfulmentorship transformedandenligthenedmyprofessionaloutlookHercompassionandprofoundabilitytoholdspacesupportedmethroughthetransformationofmyownbereavementHergentleyetfiercecommitmenttothetruthofthesoulmovedmetolevelsofdepthstillmanifesting inmy life todayHerwisdomanddedication toservingothersinspiredmyworkIrsquomhonoredtohavehadtheopportunitytodeveloptheseedsheplantedwithinmeandIthanktheuniversalorderforhavingourpathsmeetinthislifetime
I thank Elliott Vogel whose patience dedication and creative assistancehelpedshapemywritingwhilepreservingmyownvoiceHiseditstranslatedthelanguage of my heart into adequate words that now reach the ears of thosewillingtolisten
AnimageisworthathousandwordsMysincerethankstoBryanHendonapowerfulhumanbeingwithawizardinhiseyesSeeingmyselfthroughhislensgavemeconfidenceandrevealedarenewedimageofmyself
Thanks tomy dearwifeKatiawho supportedme in somany loving andrespectfulways throughout theprocessofwriting thisbookHerbeliefguidedme back tomy self-trust so that I could continue she helpedme remove theobstaclesagainandagainThankyousweetie
Finally I must thank the wisdom of Yoga that pouring through my lifeturnedmeintoahumblevehicleoftheuniversalknowledgeweallabideby
Foreword
In1984IwaslivingattheLivingDyingProjectinSantaFeNewMexicowithmy young husbandMark He was exploring the nature of his life and deathprovokedbytheextremeafflictionofmetastasizedheadandneckcancerIwasnewlymarriedandboththegrievingwifeanddesignatedsurvivorWithMarkrsquosdeathDegriefing(IntegrativeGriefTherapy)wasbornandmylifersquosworkwasshowntome
AtfirstIquestionedhowIwasgoingtocontinuetofindmeaninginmysolojourneyIaskedMarkldquoWhoamIWhodiesWheredoyougoWhatamItodowiththerestofmyliferdquo
ldquoLearntoloveeverythingasyoulovemerdquowashissimplystatedresponseIsoughtoutprofessionals tohelpme learn todo that andyet felt invisiblenotheardnotseenIdidnrsquotevenunderstandhowtobegintolookformeAcaringand concerned friend treated me to my first experience of truly consciousbodyworkwhichhelpedmebegintotoleratebeinginmyskin
Ialsonoted thatwhenIcoaxedmygrievingbody intosomeyogaposes Ifelt the molecular shift of my internal particles reorganizing As an athletephysical education teacher and coach I saw how the physical body not onlyneedsitsownexpressionbutactuallydemandsphysicalreleaseThisresetsthebalance of the many interconnected complex biological systems involved ingriefMythinkingwasclearerafterarunoradanceoraswimIsawthatwhenIengagedmybodyIfeltenergizedratherthandrainedIwasfeelingalifeforceinside ofme resurging How could this beWas this okayWould I losemyconnectionwithMarkifthepainstartedtosubsideThisforcethisfuelwhatisitforhellipTodowhathellipToknowwhatIwasreappearinginanewversionofmyever-changingself
As I was preparing to graduate from the Grief Counseling CertificationProgramattheGraduateSchoolofProfessionalPsychologyatJFKUniversityIwas offered a position as the director of the first holistic health spa in thesouthernconeofSouthAmericaBeforedepartingtheSanFranciscoBayAreaIstatedIwouldmanifestthemostamazingyogateacherinSouthAmericaThisstatement actualized itself whenAntonio interviewed for the position of yogainstructoronthespastaffIsharedmyvisionofworkingwiththebereavedand
askedifhewouldliketoparticipateHisresponsewaspassionateandgenuineexhibitingcontinuedinterestdevotionandcommitment
YogaforGriefReliefisanoffshootoftheDegriefingprocessrepresentingtheworkof IntegrativeGriefTherapyat its core It directly relates to somaticthanatology which uses integrative therapeutic interventions as externalizingtoolsinvolvingthebodymindandspiritEachindividualchoosesandusesthetoolsthatwillhelphimorhernavigatetheuncharteredwatersofgriefYogaisthe master transformer by offering teaching and options for everything andeveryone Grief turns us inside out and upside down and so does yogacompassionately lovingly individually itmeetsuswhereweare inourselvesYogaguidesustoawayoflifethatpromoteshealthyintentionalchangeItisawayofself-loveandloveforall
IsawinAntoniotheinfinitepossibilitiesandwide-rangingopportunitiesforhimtoassistthebereavedIfoundthathishighlyskilledapproachalongwithhisexpert training in both the yogic tradition and body-oriented psychotherapyprovidedhimwithamind-bodybalancecosmicallysuitedforhislifeworkasayogamasterHeisdevotedtothehighestgoodforeveryoneandisalovingandfiercetaskmastertransmittingtheknowledgeoftheyogicwayoflivingIknewthatAntoniowastheonetocarryforththeDegriefingworkthroughYoga
ItisallhereinthisimportantbookItdelicatelycombinesandcorrelatestheuseofEasternwisdomwithWesternphilosophyWearegrievinggloballyandneedadoseofuniversalknowledgetopromotebalancewithineachoneofus
This book is a gift a friend and a tool It offers maps to demystify andnormalize aspects of grieving by presenting options for transforming ourphysical grief balancing systems compromised by its profound and humblingeffectsSincewearejumbledscatteredandshatteredalreadyweareinaprimeposition to integratenewcopingskills fora lifebased in thebuddingsenseofournewlyrevealedpersonalreality
InYogaforGriefReliefwelearntoexpressnotrepresstoexternalizenotinternalizetobreatheagainandrelocateallourlossestoourheartcentersowecan thrive within our newly met self Antoniorsquos work has furthered thedevelopment of Degriefingrsquos basic premises and illuminates the process ofworking with our grief Yoga provides support for all the systems and is thecontainerforintegrationofmind-body-spirit
Read and cherish this book digest it share it and embody the relief youseekWith the teachings of yoga and Antoniorsquos astute guidance take a deepbreathandbuckleyourpsychicseatbeltYouareonyourwayhome
mdashLynPrashantPhD
Introduction
GriefisaradicalopportunitytotransformourawarenessbutfewofusknowitWhenIwastwentyyearsoldmymotherdiedofastrokeFortwoandahalfyears I lived in a state of denial completely disconnected frommy feelingsWhenIwasfinallyabletobewithmypainIdiscoveredtomyastonishmentthatmybodyhadcreatedanadditionalcalciumdepositbetweenoneofmyribsandthebreastbonemdashwhatthebodywillsometimesdoinresponsetoafractureIn essence what my mind had been hiding my body showed with pristineclarityIhadabrokenheart
As life continued after the loss of my mother I began training with LynPrashant an outstanding grief counselor and therapist and creator of theDegriefingprocessacomprehensivemind-bodyapproachtogrieftherapyShehelpedmelearnthatgriefisoneofourleast-tappedsourcesofself-knowledgeSometime after starting to work together Lyn asked me to develop a yogapractice to address the body-centered effects of grief which can range fromfeelings of lethargy to dull aches tightness in the chest cavity shortness ofbreathandsleeplessnessIwaswellequippedthroughmytrainingasasomaticpsychotherapist and yoga teacher But it was my own personal experience ofgrief that led me to build a sadhana or spiritual discipline that eventuallybecameaholisticpracticeIcallYogaforGriefRelief
Today many of us though we donrsquot know it live in a perpetual state ofunacknowledgedgriefTherearemanyreasonsfor thisOneprimaryreason isthatweliveinasocietythatoftenshiesawayfromthepowerfulemotionsthatgriefpresentstousWeareoftenstoiclumberingthroughlosswithoutfeelingreturningtoworkorourdailylivesafterthelosslikenothinghappenedweburyourgriefdeepinsideofuswhereitremainstrappedbothinbodyandmind
Griefhappens in thebody yet thephysical symptoms that comeup in thegrievingprocessarenotalwaysdealtwithasdirectlyas theyshouldbeThesesymptomsarejustascommontothegrievingprocessasmentalandemotionalsymptomsandrequirejustasmuchattentioninordertobetreatedTalktherapycanbewonderfulbuttoooftenthebody-centeredeffectsofgriefgetsubsumedundertheemotionalissuesbeingdealtwithApersoncanatthesametimeandwith not much difficulty experience relief from these physical symptoms byperformingafewbasicexercisesTheseexercisesknowncollectivelyasyoga
weredevelopedmorethansixthousandyearsagobypeoplegiftedinthementalpowersofintuitionTheyrealizeddirectlywhatweintheWestarebeginningtounderstand today through the advent ofmodern science that the humanmindandbodytrulyshareaconnectionandinfluenceoneanotherandthat throughpracticeonecanlivefreelyinanabundanceofjoyandpresenceofSpirit
AbundanceofjoyYoumaythinkyouhavepickedupthewrongbooksincethesepagesare focusedongriefand themethods thatcanhelp thosesufferingfromitseffectsButIhaveexperiencedfirsthandthejoyyogacanprovideamidthemostoverwhelmingsorrowthehealingbroughtaboutbytheperformanceofsimple physical movements and different breathing techniquesmdashpractices youmayalreadybefamiliarwithWhatthisbookoffersisnotaldquoretreatrdquofromgriefnoraldquoreleaserdquofromgriefbutsimplysomerelieffromgriefOnceweareabletoworkphysicallywith the new reality loss has thrown us intowewill then beabletobetterunderstandwhatitisthathashappenedtousOnceweareabletoacknowledgethatononehandourliveswillneverbethesameandthatontheother hand all the potential of the universe lies within us a different picturestartstoemerge
LynPrashant affirms that ldquowedonrsquot get over our losseswe transformourrelationship to themrdquo and I agree with her one hundred percent Grief is apowerfulsourceofinformationaboutwhowearewhenwedaretolookThereisanaturalprogressionfromonetotheotherandifweareabletotransformourrelationship togrief inaway that results in improvedself-knowledge thenwecan establish a new identity We identify ourselves through the persons andthingsweareattachedtowhenwelosethemwelosepartofwhoweareYetwecontinuebeingonlyinawaythatisnotknowntousTheprocessoffindingoutwhothenewldquoonerdquoisismultilayeredItinvolvesunderstandinganddealingwith thephysical symptomsofgriefactuallycompleting thegrievingprocessandreidentifyingourselvesnotbasedonpreconceivedorprelearnednotionsbutinstead on our true essence the onewersquove come somuch closer to thanks tohavingbeenstrippedofourpreviousidentityForthattohappenwemustworkThesadhana Irsquovedevelopedoffersapracticemdashthefoundationfor theworkwemustdomdashandalongthewayIrsquollsharetoolstohelpusreapthebenefitsweareafter
Bysittingwithawarenesswestart toaccept thechangeswearenowfacedwithAsweconsciouslyworkwithandevenchallengeourlearnedreactionsweask What starts to emerge from the chaos that loss leaves behind It is agroundedindividualonewhoisable toaccept thenewrealityandtocontinuewithlifeacalmpractitionerevenacuriousyogiAndwhydowepracticeItis
for the same reason that people inmodern-day India sat in yogic postures sixthousandyearsagopracticingmeditationbecausethedesiretoresolvesufferingisuniversalWeallneedcopingmechanismsweallneedtreatmentsthatsootheourrestlessmindsandourachingbodiesbutaboveallweneedtheknowledgethatcanbegainedsimplybybaskinginonersquosinnersilence
The practice I have developed for transforming grief from a painfulexperienceintoaconscioussourceofself-knowledgeisintroducedinthisbookin a six-part sequence breathing exercises body movements cleansingtechniquesrelaxationmentalreprogrammingandmeditation
Thebreathingtechniqueshelpbringbackasenseofcontroltotheindividualbymanipulatingthepranaorvitalforcewhichhelpsunitethegapbetweentheconscious and the unconscious The body movements serve to manage thebodyrsquosphysicalsymptomsofgriefparticularlyaddressingpainandotheracutesymptomsThecleansing techniqueshelp reset theendocrinesystemaffectingthe fight-or-flight responsewhich plays an essential role in the grief reactionandthefeelingsassociatedwith itRelaxation is includedwith the intentionofdiminishing the stress levels that increase during grief The powerful yogicprincipleofResolvehelpsresetmentalpatternsandfocusesthemindtowardthetransformationofgriefFinallymeditationisusedtoaddresstheSpiritoncethebody is still and the mind is calm that which is neither body nor mind canmanifestmoreclearly
Themainasana (physical posture) of theYoga forGriefRelief practice iscalled theWindmill Symbolically the windmill serves as an analogy for theprocessoftransformationofgriefintoanewidentityTheforcesoftheunknownmdashthewindmdashpowerthemechanismsofthewindmilljustasthemysteryoflosscreatesachurninginthedepthsofourownselvesAsthewindmillutilizesthesometimeswildanddestructiveforceofwindenergytomechanicallytransformhardgrains intoedible flour the techniques in this sadhana can transformourSpiritsleftvacantbylossbutopentoreceivingtheknowledgethatexistswithinusJustasthegrainbeingpulverizedresultsinafinerqualityofflourtheyogaexercisessharedhereoperateataneurochemicallevelimprovingourmoodandstrengtheningourresolveinthefaceofinsurmountablelossNotonlydoesthephysical component of the practice make us feel better new patterns areestablished that link the conscious performance of certain exercises with anoverallsenseofwell-beingMoreneuroscientistsarediscoveringthatourbrainsare resilient organs capable of far more than we had previously given themcreditforespeciallyintherealmofemotionaldisordersandaddictionButtheconclusionsofmodernneuroscienceall seem topoint tooneessential truthof
biological determinism practice makes perfect Our brains are capable ofreformation but they require discipline Yoga is an ancient art one whosefounders realized the importance of practice for physical results in the bodylastingimpressionsoftranquilityinthemindandtheevolutionofthesoul
It is the techniques themselves that are the inspiration for this book ThepracticemdashanditseffectsmdashresonatesstronglyinmylifetodayandinthoseofmystudentswhohaveengagedinitTheaimofthispracticeistohelpyouacceptthe realityof lossand thenwork through thepainofgriefOnceapersoncanadjusttothisnewsituationorenvironmentwithoutthelovedonethenheorshecan emotionally reinvest the love attached to the lost person or object andembarkonanewlife
When lateron in lifemyfatherpassedawaydespitemyknowledgeof thegrievingprocessandtheawarenessIhaveaboutwhatpracticescanhelptraverseit nothing could save me from experiencingmdashagainmdashthat deep pain of lossThere is noway around grief going through it is the only healthyway ThisbookandthetechniquesIdemonstrateherearenotawayofldquogettingovergriefrdquoInstead of avoiding the feelings these techniques are designed to help younavigate through emotions that are not always pleasant Because of myexperienceasayogatherapistIhadanawarenessofwhatsomeofmyreactionsweregoingtobewhenmyfatherdiedandIknewIhadtoolsIcouldutilizetohelp normalize those reactions and emerge anew It ismyhope that this bookwillofferawindowtotheuniquewayyouexperienceyourowngriefandgiveyousomesimpletechniquesthatwillhelpyousafelyexplorethatexperience
Youmay benefit from reading this book if you are looking to explore orwork with grief in the intimacy of a home yoga practice or existing studioworkoutifyouwouldliketocomplementthegrieftherapythatyouarealreadyengaged in or if you work with grieving individuals in your profession andwouldliketointegratetheknowledgeofyogaintoyourexistingtoolbox
Inchapter1youwill find information thatwillhelpnormalizeyourgriefYouwillstarttounderstandtheuniquenessofyourgrievingprocessandatthesame time acknowledge someuniversal truths about it In chapter2 youwilllearnsomeofthesuccinctwisdomofyogawhichwillhelpyouunderstandgriefinadifferentculturalcontextandhowparticularenergycenters(chakras)reactwhenwegrieveThewisdomteachingsareaknowledgethatisinactioninallofusregardlessofourbackgroundsorbeliefsystems
Inchapter3youwilllearnabouteachgeneralcategoryofpracticeandhowtheycanbeusedtoaddressdifferentaspectsofthegrievingprocessChapter4
presentstheexercisesinasimplehow-tomannerincludinghoweachtechniquecan help transform grief Chapter 5 offers guidance on how to set up yourpracticeaccording towhatrsquospossible foryouandwhatyourpersonal intentionisThis chapter also showsyouhow to start framingyour ideal conditions forpractice identifying what you want to accomplish along with any possiblebarriersInanycasewhatrsquosmostimportantisthatyoumeetyourselfwhereyouareItmaysoundsimplebutisoftenachallengeforthosefacedwithloss
AfterlearningthetechniquesandstartingtoplanhowtointegratethemintoyourlifeyouwilldiscoverhowtheyogapracticeservesthegreaterprocessoftransformationthatawakensyourspiritualconnectionwithlifeInchapter6youwilllearntoidentifyoldpatternsandwaysofthinkingyouwouldliketodiscardandpromote thoseyounowwelcomeaspartof the journey towardyourmostcompleteversionofyourselfThoughyoumightnotyethavefinishedgrievingyoucan start to seeways inwhich theexperienceofgrief serves to transformyourlifebygettingtothecoreofwhoyoureallyare
AsyoureadthroughthisbookremembertobegentlewithyourselfUsethisbookasaguidedrawfrom itwhenneededand remember that inorder tobeeffective these techniquesneed to bepracticed Intellectual information is notwhatweareafter Ifourmindscould solve themysteryof lossandgriefyouwould not be reading this book nor would I have written it I hope that inreading this book and throughyour ownpractice youmay access the hiddengiftthatliestrappedinthepainfulexperienceofgrief
Chapter1
GriefANormalResponsetoLoss
Grief affects the physical mental spiritual and emotional aspects of ourhumanityItisournormalreactiontolossbutthistruismdoesnotmakeitanyeasiertodealwithWeseemtoliveasifthethingsweareattachedtoarealwaysgoing to be thereAndmany of uswere raised in cultures that do not openlyacknowledge grief When faced with the pain and shock of loss we feelawkward clueless and confused overwhelmed and unprepared to begin tosootheourselvesAphraseheardfrequentlyfromgrievingpeopleisldquoIfeelasifIamgoingcrazyrdquoSomeconsider theprocessofbereavement tobean illnessrather than a normal part of the human condition that seeks outlet andexpression The cries of heartbreak allow the body to achieve balance byfacilitatingthereleaseofstresshormonesandsoothingsomeofthephysicalpainencounteredingrief
People experience grief in different ways We experience a vast array ofemotionalandphysicalsymptomsfromtheagitatedandanxioustothelethargicanddepressedfrombodyachesandmusclestiffness todisruptionsinsleepingandeatinghabitsThecommonfactor inall thesesymptomsishowourbrainsareinvolvedinthegrievingprocessCurrentresearchexploringtherolethatthebrainplays inemotional life isdiscussedlater in thischapter inldquoGriefandtheBrainrdquo
Yoga forGriefRelief is an entireprogramdesigned to support and informyou in all aspects of bereavement Itrsquos important to recognize that while thegrieving process is profoundly uncomfortable it is actually normalHowevercomplicatedgrief that continues toprovokeunhealthybehaviorsover the longterm and that takes an extreme toll on the griever is often better served byprofessionalhelp
DefiningGriefTheWesternViewGriefisapervasiveforceendemictothehumanconditionandanessentialpartofouremotionalmakeupEachculturerelatestogriefuniquelyWhereyougrewup how openwas your society to discussing issues that produce griefWhatcommonfuneraryritualsdidyourcultureprovideWhatvalueswereextolledby
yourfamilyDidpeopleinyourlifetypicallydieathomeorinhospitalsDidyougrowupinalargehouseholdorareyouanonlychild
The answers to these questions can and often do significantly influencereactionstolossJust thinkofhowagrievermayexperiencehisorhersorrowdifferentlyifinUruguayorintheUnitedStatesItisthecustominUruguaythatfamilyandclose friends spend thenightwith themourner immediatelyafter adeathtosharethepainandsorrowstayingawakethankstoafewcupsofcoffeeThentogethertheysayfarewelltothedeceasedandputtheremainstorestIntheUnitedStatesamorecommonwayofaccompanyingamourneristoattendawakeaneventthatoccurssometimeafterthedeathinwhichpeopletellfunnystoriesmentiongoodqualitiesoftheonegoneandthencelebratethedeceasedrsquoslifelavishlywithalcoholandfood
Alsoconsideran individual living inasociety that setsasideaspecialdayforrememberingandcelebratingthedeadversusapersonlivinginaculturethatfinds the outward exposure of sorrow socially inappropriate and lacking tasteTheseculturaldifferencesalsoaffecttheopinionsviewsandbeliefsofWesternpsychologists and clinicians who often assume very contradictory views tothoseofthemonksandswamisItrainedwithduringmyinitiationtoyoga
My dual training in the fields of somatic psychotherapy and the timelesswisdom of Yoga has allowed me to experience both worldviews firsthandRegrettablyWestern culture tends to sweepgrief under the rug by ignoring itentirely or compartmentalizing it Only minimal attention to grief is allowedeffectively preventing us from understanding its nature It is skillful to askourselvesquestionssuchasldquoWhatisthefirstgreatlossIremembersufferingWhocouldItalktoHowdidIcopewiththeexperienceHowdidthepeoplearoundme actrdquoThis inquiry encourages self-awareness and understanding ofhow your family and cultural background influence your relationship to yourowngrieftoday
DespitetherichvarietyofanswerstothesequestionsIwouldliketostartbysaying that grief is our natural response to lossmdashany loss Traditionally wethink of grief as being the range of emotional and psychological responsesexperiencedafterthedeathofsomeoneweloveButdeathisnottheonlytypeoflossthatelicitsgriefSomemightfeelgriefoverthelossofaprizedpossessionapetajobadreamortheiryouthInfactIhavewitnessedhumansgrievingthelossofperceivedinvincibilityafterbreakingabonethediscontinuationofaregularlyscheduledTVshoworafavoritebrandofsneakersorhavingreachedtheendofadeliciousnovelThecombinedeffectsofourlossesbigandsmallmajorandminoraccumulateinourbodiesThejudgmentthatsomelossesare
trivial and are therefore unimportant to consider can exacerbate feelings ofconfusion isolation and shame This can interfere with a grieverrsquos ability toaccepttherealityofwhereheorsheisinhisorherpersonalprocess
TwoTypesofLosses
Identifyingprimaryandsecondary losses ishelpful forcompassionateself-reflectionTheinitiallosstheonethatoccursfirstisusuallyreferredtoastheprimary loss Losses that occur as a result of this underlying primary loss areknownassecondarylosses
Primary lossesaremoreeasily identifiedwhile the secondaryonescanbemore subtle and perhaps underacknowledged with regard to their profoundemotional intensity For example a woman whose marriage ends in divorce(primaryloss)whothensufferstheexclusionofeventspreviouslyfoundonhersocial calendar (secondary loss) is dealingwith the exponential effects of thecombined losses Perhaps her ex-husband is still being invited to events orperhapshercoupled friendsareuncomfortablewithhernewsinglestatusThesecondarylossnamedhereisthelossofhersocialnetwork
It is important to acknowledge that while each primary loss occurs onlyonce secondary losses may continue to occur and are therefore experiencedfrequently In the previous example thewoman experienced the divorce onlyoncebutthelossofhersocialnetworkisfelteverytimesheisnotinvitedoutbyldquotheirrdquo friends In addition the burden of assuming roles and responsibilitiesformerlyhandledbyherexmdashsuchaspayingthemortgagebillcheckingtheairinthetiresormanagingthehouseholdinwaysshehasnothadtobeforemdashisaconstant painful reminder of all that has been lost since the divorce Thesecondary loss continually retriggers her grief due to the primary loss of thehusband
In another example losing all of onersquos family heirlooms in a house fire(primary loss) might evoke the experience of severing onersquos ancestral past(secondary loss)Secondary lossesarenrsquotalways recognizedasvalidcausesofgriefbuttheycanbringontremendoussorrowandrepeatedlyreignitethepainthatwasexperiencedfromtheprimaryloss
SymptomsofGrief
Although no two individuals grieve in the same way there is someconsistencyintheemotionalphysicalandmentalsymptomsassociatedwiththegrievingprocessSomeofthemostcommonlyacknowledgedfeelingsthatrelateto grief can be seen in the following table (adapted with permission fromLunche1999)
EMOTIONALSYMPTOMSOFGRIEF
Shocknumbness
Sadness
Emptiness
Feelinghelpless
Feelingoutofcontrol
Anger
Guiltregret
Resentment
Depression
Lonelinesslongingyearning
Fearanxietyinsecurity
Feelingsofbetrayaldisloyalty
Diminishedself-concern
Sorrowfortheonewhodied
Desiretojointhedeceased
Suicidalfeelings
Table1Emotionalsymptomsofgrief
Even though sadness is the feeling most commonly expressed while
grieving a wide range of emotions is often determined by the quality of therelationship we had with whatrsquos been lost as well as by the circumstancessurrounding the lossAs you can see from the Emotional Symptoms ofGrieftable the impact of our grief may present many complex combinations ofemotionsaffectingusdistinctly
OneexampleofthismightbewhenanabusivehusbanddiesmdashthewifecouldfeelmorerelievedthansadWhenafathercommitssuicidethechildrenheleftbehindmaybecopingwiththeirshameandangermorethanwithdepressionInmy personal and professional experience when a relationship that was morepositiveendsfeelingsofdepressionareverylikelytosurfaceWhereasthemoreconflictedarelationshipisthegreaterthelikelihoodisthatangerandguiltwillappear
Myfatherand I finallydevelopedapristine friendshipaftermanyyearsofnot getting along What soothed my heart most after he passed were thenurturing memories of our newly established friendship Because wepainstakingly attended to all our unfinished business I could grieve his losswithoutregretorambivalenceBeingatthatpointinourrelationshipatthetimeof his passing permittedme to connectwith themore profoundly painful andchallenging aspects of my grief process and be present to experience theemotionallyjoyousandpleasantmemoriesbubblingupinsideme
FourTasksofMourningARoadMapfortheGrievingProcess
GriefpresentsuswithtremendousdualityWegrievebothuniquelyaccordingtoourlifersquosvariablesanduniversallyasallhumansdoLeadersinthefieldhavenoted specific elements of grieving suggesting they need to be addressed inordertofulfillanormalprocessSomeofthemnametheseelementsasldquostagesrdquoothersasldquophasesrdquoofgriefBothtermssuggest tomesomethingmorestaleorpassiveinnatureOfall thinkersJWilliamWorden(2009)offers themodelIfind best suited to the yogic ideal of practice In his model he names theseelements ldquotasksrdquo a term that clearly denotes the dynamism the process reallyinvolvesItprovidesanactivewaytomovethroughgriefrsquoscommonemotionalstatesWordenrsquosFourTasksofMourningare
To accept the reality of the lossAccepting the reality of the loss toWorden implies recognizing that ldquoreunion with the departed isimpossible at least in this liferdquo (39) Worden describes a searchingbehavior that is common at this level of grieving whereby a grievingpersonmightldquoseerdquothedeceasedwalkinginacrowdandrecognizeheronly then to be confronted with the reminder of her death Variousdegreesofdenialcouldbeinvolvedinordertoavoidacceptingtherealityoftheloss
To process the pain of grief The second task involves consciouslyworking with the pain of grief Worden states ldquoIt is necessary toacknowledgeandworkthroughthispainoritcanmanifestitselfthroughphysicalsymptomsorsomeformofaberrantbehaviorrdquo(44)Thissecondtask of mourning is of special significance to yoga because of theconnectionwithconsciousworkanddedicatedpractice
To adjust to a world without the deceased Worden identifies threeareasofadjustmentthataretobereckonedwithafterthelossofalovedone External adjustments relate to how coping with loss affects oureveryday life (egwhatdowedowith theworkinghourswhenwersquovejust lost a job) Internal adjustments refer to how death affects self-definitionself-esteemandonersquossenseofself-efficacy(eghowcanaspouse feel like awhole self again after losing his partner) Spiritualadjustmentsimplydealingwiththechallengesofourbeliefsystemsandvaluesasdeathshakesthefoundationofonersquosassumptionsoftheworld(eg the faithful believer questioning the existence of a justGod afterfeelingthathisprayershavenotbeenheard)
To find an enduring connection with the deceased in the midst ofembarking on a new life Worden asserts that it is essential that themourner find newways to continue honoring the deceased while stillremaining focused on creating a new life Freud (1953) describes themental process of mourning as summoning mental images of the lostlovedonedetachingthepreviouslyinvestedloveandreestablishingthefreedomofthemindWordensuggeststhatwedonotentirelyrecycletheemotionalenergypreviouslyinvestedhecitescurrentresearchthatstatesthat maintaining an active awareness of the deceased person providescomfortandstrengthtothebereaved
Although each task is essential to the process of mourning the tasksthemselves are not linear After completing all four we may be prompted torevisitanyoreachofthem
Mostofoureffortsdealingwithgriefaregeared towardavoidingsufferingfromtheunusuallyimmensepainlossinflictsonusItisDrWordenrsquosopinionthat the fulfillment of all Four Tasks of Mourning is essential to promote ahealthy and normal grieving process Otherwise we may fall into what isconsideredacomplicatedgrievingprocess Insomecasesanindividualrsquosgriefreactionisprolongedbecominganalmostchronicconditionthatmayneverbefullyresolved
Examining examples of complicated grief we often see the actualmanifestation of symptoms showing up at amuch later time in response to amorerecentunexpectedlossThisexaggeratedreactioncanmanifestasorturnintoaspecificmentalconditionsuchasclinicaldepressionInothersthegriefappearsdisguisedbysymptomsandbehaviorsthatwhileseeminglyunrelatedtogriefareactuallyexamplesofldquomaskedrdquogrief(Worden2009)Itisimportanttodifferentiate thesemarkersofcomplicatedgrief fromthenaturalway inwhichgriefoccursdownthelinecomingbackunexpectedlyattimesinrelationtolifeeventsandother timesseemingly randomandpresentinguswith feelingsandsymptomsoftheoldgriefThisconceptiswellexpressedintheworkofThereseRando who coined the term STUG Sudden Temporary Upsurge of Grief(1993)
Grief triggers grief Fresh loss naturally triggers memories feelings andsymptoms related to a previous loss Sometimes we are truly shocked at thetremendous intensity of our feelings When others who are close to usexperience loss it can easily trigger our owngrief and cause us to revisit oldlossesevenifwefeelwehavedealtwiththemalreadyPerhapsthisisareasonwhypeoplerecoilfromhearingaboutanotherrsquosgrieforbecomeuncomfortablewhentheywitnesspeopleexhibittheirgriefopenlyCounselorstherapistsandhospiceworkerswhoworkwithgrief regularly see theirowngrief retriggeredandcansufferfromtheeffectsofldquocaregiverrsquosburdenrdquo
Regardless of howour grief originates the key element is that in order togrieve a loss we need to have developed a strong emotional connection withwhat has been lost or what it represents to us We need to have formed anattachment
AttachmentTheTrueRootofGrief
ldquoAttachmentrdquo is generally defined as a feeling that binds someone to aperson thing causeor idealThis is a remarkably similardescription towhatFreudstatedwhendescribingtheobjectofgriefduringmourning(Freud1953)Psychology views attachment as ldquoan evolved behavioral system designed toregulate infantsrsquo proximity to a protector and thereby maximize chances forsurvivalrdquo according to John Bowlby (Diamond 2001 277) Later on studiesconducted byMary Ainsworth concluded that there are three major styles ofattachmentsecureambivalent-insecureandavoidant-insecure(Broberg2000)
Researchers Main and Solomon (1986) added a fourth style known asdisorganized-insecureattachmentTheseearlyattachmentstylescanhelppredictbehaviors later in life especially adult romantic love For example when anindividual is able to gain comfort from his parents as a child (ldquosecureattachmentrdquo)hetendstohavegoodself-esteemasanadultOntheotherhandwhenachilddoesnotgainmuchcomfortorcontactfromhisparents(ldquoavoidantattachmentrdquo) he develops adult behaviors that invest little or no emotion insocialandromanticrelationships
In short our early attachments constitute our first awareness of thosewholove and care for us and influence how we love as adults No matter whatattachment style we develop we are all like these infantsmdashseeking survivalclingingtowhatisfamiliarLikeapacketoffoodcoloringreleasedintoapitcherof water we can see our attachments permeate the substance of our lifeAttachment is at the core of howwe form families and how our larger socialnetwork functions For us in theWest attachment is tantamount to love ldquoIf IloveyouIamattachedtoyoubeinghereforeverrdquoThisassociationissostrongthatactionsindicatingdetachmentareusuallyseenasasignofalackoflove
OurattachmentsinformuswhenwefeelathomewhenwearelonelyandwhenweareindangerEvenatachemicallevelthebondswemakewithhumanbeingsandotherobjectsaffectusWhenthesebondsbreakwecaninvestigatethepsychophysiologicaleffectsandnormalizethemanysomaticaspectsofgriefmanifesting asphysical symptomsNow letrsquosdiscoverwhat theperspectiveofpsychophysiologycanbringtoourunderstandingofgrief
GriefandtheBrainHow does the body express what the heart and mind are going throughCurrently there is not enoughmeasurable scientific data on grief and furtherresearch isstillneededMostof theexisting informationfocusesonvictimsoftraumaAlthoughalltraumainvolvesgriefitisimportanttorememberthatnot
all grief is traumatic Western psychology usually views the body as anafterthoughtproclaimingthatthegrievingprocesshappensmainlyinourmindsMore recent research in the areas of psychology immunology andendocrinologyrevealsdatathatshowshowemotionalprocesseslikegriefaffectmore than just our mental functioning Psychophysiology shows how life-changingeventsinfluencevirtuallyeveryareaofapersonrsquosphysicalandmentalconstitution from thought patterns to emotionalwell-being immune functionandoverallhealth(RosenbaumandVarvin2007Ulvestad2012VandenBerget al 2012) Western science is just now discovering and documentingconnectionsformulatedagesagofromthemeditativeobservationsofpracticingyogisTheevidenceofthemind-bodyconnectionsdiscoveredbythesescientistsistrulyfascinatinganditsimpactintheareaofgriefworkisonlybeginningtobefelt
Two of themain symptoms associatedwith grieving are pain in the chestmuscles and disruptions of the circadian rhythms particularly the sleep cyclePeople experience a variety of symptoms that usually change as the grievingprocess unfolds What should be eminently clear from the following table(adaptedwithpermissionfromLunche1999)isthatgriefaffectsthebody
PHYSICALSYMPTOMSOFGRIEF
Pain
Feelingoftightnessinthechest
Feelingoftightnessinthethroat
Alterations in the breathing patterns (shortness of breath frequentsighing)
Fatigueexhaustionlowenergy
Sleeppatterndisruption(insomniaorexcessivesleep)
Eatingpatterndisruption(overeatingoranorexia)
Alterationofthecardiacrhythms(bradycardiatachycardiaarrhythmia)
Digestivesystemupset
Generalizedtension
Restlessnessirritability
Increasedsensitivitytostimuli
Drymouth
Table2Physicalsymptomsofgrief
Grief is mainly orchestrated by the limbic system Itrsquos a central structure
withinthenervoussystemdeeplyinvolvedinthewayweexperienceemotionsThelimbicsysteminitiallygatherssensoryinformationaboutanexperienceandcomparesthatinformationwithpreviouslystoredknowledgehousingmemoriesof past similar experiences our belief systems and cultural values It thenassigns the experience an emotional tone and integrates a response Then theoutermost sheet of neuronal tissue in the brain the neocortex processes theexperiencefurtherandassignsmeaningtoitonadeeperlevel
Alterationsofthenormalfunctionsofthelimbicsystemresultin
irritability
moodiness
depression
negativethinking
negativeperspective
sleepandappetitedisorders
socialisolation
decreasedorincreasedsexualdriveand
motivation
Manyoftheitemsonthislistofmooddisturbancesandothersymptomsare
classicfeaturesofanormalgrievingprocesssolidifyingthecaseforthelimbicsystemrsquosinvolvementWhentakingalookatothermentalandsocialsymptomsofgrief thisconnectionwith thefunctionsof the limbicsystembecomesevenclearer
MentalSymptomsofGrief
Negativeanticipatorythinking
Disbelief
Confusion
Disorientation
Absentmindedness
Forgetfulness
Poorconcentration
Distraction
Difficultyfocusingandattending
Lowmotivation
Expectingtoseethedeceased
Expectingthedeceasedtocall
Preoccupationwiththedeceased
Feelingtheneedtotellandretellthestorysurroundingtheloss
Dreamsorimagesofthedeceased
Denial
Thinkingaboutotherdeathsandlosses
SocialSymptomsofGrief
Beingisolatedbyothers
Withdrawingfromsocialactivities
Diminisheddesireforsocialactivities
Copingwithlabelslikeldquowidowedrdquoldquosinglerdquoetc
Hidinggriefbytakingcareofothers
Losingfriendsmakingnewfriends
Table3Mentalandsocialsymptomsofgrief(adaptedwithpermissionfromLunche1999)
AccordingtoDrJamesGardnerldquoGriefbeginsinthebrainrdquoandaffectsthe
brainldquofromthehighestcorticalcentersandtemporal lobestothedeepermoreprimitive structures in the limbic systemrdquo For our neurotransmitters thebuilding blocks of the brain that are essential for intercellular communicationgrief ldquoaffects the way we process some of these chemicalsrdquo including theneuropeptides(20026)
On a biochemical level we react as though our entire existence is beingthreatenedAccordingtoGardnerldquoAstheserotoninsystemisweakenedbytheemotionalstressoflosstheanxietyresponseistriggeredrdquo(20026)Hegoesontosaythatthebodyrsquosfight-or-flightreactionincludesthereleaseofadrenalineThereleaseofhormonesincreasesheartrateandbloodpressurestressfulsignalsactivate the endocrine glands and affect the heart stomach various musclegroupsand thebloodvessels themselvesOthersymptoms include thecoolingof the extremities pupil dilation tremors sweating and nausea due tohyperventilationTakingitscuesfromthebrainthebodyreactstothefullforceofthelossasamenacingdangeradirectthreattooursurvival
NeuroplasticityandItsImplicationsforGrief
Even though grief is seemingly an omnipresent challenge influencing ourbrain chemistry we might consider the following news to be positive
Neuroplasticityreferstothebrainrsquosabilitytochangeitsstructureandfunctioninresponse to experience training and practice In the twentieth century ourbrainswere thought todevelopwithinacriticalperiodduringearlychildhoodand to then remain relatively immutable This thinking meant that once wepassedthecriticalperiodofdevelopmentwewerebasicallystuckinthosewaysforeverhardwiredfixedinformandfunctionThisbeliefloweredexpectationsaboutthevalueofrehabilitationforthosewhohadsufferedbraininjuryfromastrokeforexample
Becausepsychiatricconditionsare related tospecificneuronalpathways inthebrainthisalsomeantthatoncedevelopedamentalillnesswouldbealmostimpossibletotreatsuccessfully(Begley2007)SharonBegleyajournalistwhoreportsoncurrenttrendsonhealthandsciencewroteinTimemagazineldquoTherewasgood reason for lavishly illustratedbrainbooks to show the function sizeand location of the brainrsquos structures in permanent inkrdquo This prevailing viewalso reinforced limited mental perceptions It was simply a brain-determinedrealitythatafterlosingonersquoshouseonemightneverfeeltrulyathomeagainorafterlosingaspouseonecouldneverfindloveagain
These beliefs have been challenged by findings that reveal that manyfunctions of the brain remain plastic even into adulthood Substantial changeshave been documented showing that an individual can consciously andprofoundly alter the way his or her neurons are activated in response toexperience These alterations affect both the brainrsquos physical anatomy andfunctionalorganizationsignifyingthatthebraincananddoeschange
ldquoNeuronsThatFireTogetherWireTogetherrdquo
This is a common saying in the field of neuroscience New connectionsbetweennervouscellsareformedasweengageindifferentactivitiesThesenewneuronalpathwaysarestrengthenedwhenwerepeatthoseactivitieswiringthenervouscellstogetherThemorewerepeattheseactivitiesthemorepermanenttheconnectionsbecome
Even though these findings relate to how the brain compensates for injuryanddiseasethismechanismappliestobrainactivityingeneralNeuroplasticitymakespersonalgrowthanddevelopmentpossiblebyallowingthenervecellsinthebrain toadjust theiractivities in response tonewsituationsandchanges intheir environment Although this process is automatic and happensindependentlyoutsidetherealmofconsciousintentionwecaninfactenhance
thesought-afterresultsbyincreasingconsciouspracticeThemorepracticethemoreingrainedorimprintedthenewconnectionsbecome
ResearchconductedonmusiciansbyneuroscientistAlvaroPascual-LeoneaprofessorofneurologyatHarvardUniversityindicatesthatwhiletheprocessistriggered by actual practicemere thought can also alter the physical structureandfunctionofourgraymatter(2001)Hefoundthattheincreasedbrainsurfaceactivated in subjects after practicing an instrument was equal to those wholdquothoughtrdquo of the scales to be practiced This revelation is important whenunderstandinggriefbecauseitvalidatestheuseoftechniquessuchasSankalpaor Resolve which uses repetition of statements that reflect a desired state ofbeingtoinducethebraintoremapitselftowardsuchareality
TheBrainrsquosInsatiableQuestforHappiness
A special area of interest for those performing current research inneurosciencehasbeenstudyingthebrainsofBuddhistmonksduringmeditationtoobservewhetherthereisanymeasurablechangeinbrainactivitywiththeuseof contemplativepractices Inorder tounderstandhowourbrains conduct ourinsatiablequestforhappinesssomethingthemonksarebelievedtoexperiencethanks to meditation Richard Davidson a neuroscientist at the University ofWisconsinatMadisonconductedstudiestofindoutifwecanthinkofemotionsmoods and states suchascompassionasmental skills that could somehowbeingrainedinapersonthroughtrainingWhencomparingtheactivityinthebrainsofthegroupofmonksversusthoseofacontrolgroupwhodidnotmeditatethemoststrikingdifferencewasinanareaintheleftprefrontalcortexbelievedtobethesiteofactivitythatsignalshappiness(Davidson2012)Whilethemonkswere generating feelings of compassion activity in the left prefrontal cortexswamped activity in the right prefrontal cortex to a degree never before seenfrom purely mental activity (The right prefrontal cortex is associated withnegative moods) On the other hand the individuals belonging to the controlgroup showed no such differences between the left prefrontal cortex and therightAccordingtoDavidson thissuggests that thepositivestateisaskill thatcanbelearned
PracticeReshapesYourBrain
Thenewunderstandingofneuroplasticityrelatedtothepowerofthemindrsquosability to change our brains promises something fundamental for theunderstanding of grief By employing intentional and conscious physical andmental practice we can change our relationship to ourselves during ouremotionallyfluctuatinggrievingprocessEachactionweperformeachthoughtwe think each word we speak then becomes an arrow shot into the field ofmanifestationanopportunityforanewconnectioninthebraintomodifytheoldandemphasizetheestablishmentofanewidentity
While the focus of this book is not brain biology or neurochemistry it isimportant tounderstand justhowstronga forcegrief isRegardingourmentaland emotional landscape we now comprehend that our emotional life isinformedbythethoughtswethinkbyhowthebrainitselfreactstoexperiencesinstructingourbodies tobehaveYounow seehowmanyof the symptomsofgrief directly relate to how our brains reactwhen facing loss Recall how theattachmentstopeoplefromtheearlieststagesofourlifeformulateourpsychicbasis for the adult emotions of love and compassion Loss is a real materialexperience affecting us at every layer of our existence The following table(adapted with permission from Lunche 1999) indicates profound changes inbehaviorswhenwearegrievingAswedeepenourunderstandingofhowourbrains serve as the basis for many of these symptoms we can normalizeprofoundchangesthatarepowerfullyalteringrealityasweknewit
BehavioralSymptomsofGrief
Crying(sometimesunexpectedly)
Searchingforthedeceased
Carryingspecialobjects
Goingtothegravesite
Makingandkeepinganaltar
Keepingbelongingsintact
Lookingatphotosorvideosofthedeceased
Listeningtoaudiorecordingsofthedeceased
Talkingtothedeceased
Avoidingsituationsthatarousegrief
Changesindailyroutine
ldquoStayingbusyrdquo
Assumingmannerismsofthedeceased
Table4Behavioralsymptomsofgrief
By getting a sense of how intensely all systems are involved in the
bereavement process it becomes more evident that engaging certain yogaexercisesintendedtounitemindandbodyareeffectiveinbringingbackasenseof cohesion and personal control in times of grief Through breath workphysical movements and specific techniques designed to for example helpresetthefunctioningoftheendocrinesystemwecantakethisinformationaboutgriefandputittogooduseWecanapplytoolstointegrateconsciousresponsesthat help our brains reshape themselves in an active and insightfulwayYogahelpsustobemorepresentforourfeelingsofgriefanditisperhapsthemostcompletebodyofpracticalknowledgeyoucanseekout
Wewill now look at what this ancient discipline expresses as to whywegrieveandhowgriefrelatestoitsprecursorattachment
Chapter2
YogaandGrief
Yogarsquos quest to resolve human suffering is probably as old as the disciplineitself Since yogarsquos entrance into mainstream Western culture it has beentailored to meet the needs of a variety of practitioners Western styles andmodulations of yoga have complemented the ancient original schools orbranchesOne of the results of this diversification has been the emergence ofyoga therapy This system is perfectly designed for the application of yogarsquosteachings philosophy and unique methods for addressing and transformingpersonal imbalances manifesting as diseases or disorders Even though otherdisciplinessuchasyogachikitsaandAyurvedadealwiththetherapeuticprocessyoga therapy isactuallymorehelpful inaddressing thegrievingprocess in thebodymindandspirit
I have come to understand grief as one of the most prevailing andunacknowledged feelings in the human heart through my personal andprofessional experiences As a yogi I recognize the need for a more Spirit-centeredapproachtodealingwithgriefWitnessingtheeffectsonmystudentsalongwithmypersonalexperienceofpracticingyogaformanyyearshasgivenmeadeepunderstandingofyogarsquoseffectivenessintreatinggrief
Initially yoga helps us to manage some of the physical and emotionalsymptomsofgriefAsonersquospracticedeepensyogaoffersprofoundinsightsintothe difference between the suffering intrinsic to grief and that of attachmentwhich I call the precondition for grief Letrsquos examine some philosophicalunderpinningsofyogaandhowtheycandemystifyourrelationshiptogrief
TheFiveSpokesontheWheelofSufferingThefirstextantwrittenworkonyogathatpresentsacomprehensivephilosophyonthenatureofsufferingandhowtoalleviateitisTheYogaSutrasofPatanjali(Bryant2009)InthistextattachmentmdashthepreconditionforgriefmdashisnamedasoneofthefiverootcausesofsufferingthatinevitablyleadtopainandconfusionTogethertheyare
ignoranceofthetruth
egoism
attachment
aversionand
fearofdeath
IgnoranceofthetruthreferstoignoringtheessentialrulesthattheuniverseabidesbyAnexampleof this is to expect a flower tobeborn fullybloomedthen develop backward decreasing in size until it becomes a seed Thismisapprehension can be seen as a metaphor of life in general all livingorganismshaveadefinitebeginningandaperiodofdevelopmentandthenmeettheir end Therefore anyone contesting the flowerrsquos organic nature promotespersonalsuffering
Egoismreferstofalseidentificationwiththemindandbodyexclusivelyandignoring the Spirit The nature of both body andmind is one of craving Thebody craves heat food touch and rest the mind craves acknowledgmentidentificationandseekschangeOnceanyofourneedsbecomesatisfied thenimmediatelythenextonekicksinTheSpiritconverselyneedsnothingbecauseitcontainseverythingandisthesourceofeverythingByincludingourSpiritinour identificationwegaincontactwithanaspectofourselves that issatisfiedtrulyandcompletely(Satyananda1976)
Attachment refers to our dependency on the permanence of a personrsquospresence or an objectrsquos continued availability to produce and sustain ourhappinessAttachmentcomesfromthepositiveexperienceswehaveinlifeandthememoriesweforminassociationwiththemSinceallthingsarebytheirtruenatureabsolutely impermanentoursuffering isensuredwhen thingsdisappearordieOf the fivecausesof suffering attachmenthas aparticularly importantroleingriefandisthereforediscussedfurtherinthefollowingsection
Aversion is the opposite of attachment and is derived from negativeexperiencesinlifeItrefers tothingswedonrsquot likepromptingustoturnawayfrom them Because the likelihood of all things happening is evenly spreadacross the spectrumof reality thingswedonrsquot likewill inevitablyoccurmdashandwesufferyetagain
Fearof death refers to a feeling human beings experience as part of theiremotional makeup Because death is inevitable fearing it is a sure ticket tosufferingRegardlessofhoworwhenweinstinctivelyknowwhatwefearwill
arriveatsomepointThesefivecausesofsufferingbecomelikeawheelinahamstercageLike
naivehamsterswehurlthewheelintoperpetualmotionrunningtowardnoendIfwechoosetoignoretheessentialtruthwebecomeidentifiedwithourbodiesandmindsonlyThisleadsustogenerateattachmentsandaversionstheultimatebeingaversion toourowndeath ignoring the truth thatwe toowill inevitablydie
In Four Chapters on Freedom Swami Satyanandarsquos commentary on TheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliwearetoldthatourldquodesireforliferdquoisldquosustainedbyitsownforcerdquo(1976154)Itisbecauseofanattachmenttoourphysicalbodytheswami says that we cling to life and fear natural processes like disease anddeath Since grief appears as a result of losing those things or personswe areattachedtoTheYogaSutrascanexplaintheintimaterelationshipbetweengriefand suffering I am not suggesting that if we could somehow eliminateattachment our liveswould be problem-free and all sufferingwould end ThefourothercausesareequallypotentandimportantCouldsimplyenvisioningtheeliminationofsufferingbringsomeeasetoourmindsByjustbeingconsciousof the five causes of sufferingwe combat the initial barrier of ignorance thatpreventsusfromknowingourtrueselves
AttachmentItsSpecialRoleforGrievers
ThenegativeimplicationsofattachmentarequitedifficultforushumanstocomprehendWhyisdealingwithattachmentsodifficultWeformattachmentsto perpetuate the comfort and safety we are accustomed to receive from thethings andpersonswe attach toYetwe can never know just how long thosethingsorpersonswillremainFormingattachmentsseemstobeinherentinthehumancondition
Yoga addresses this uncertainty and invokes the universal truth that ldquoAllthings come to an endrdquo This calms the mindrsquos craving for knowledge andprovidesananswertotheyearningquestionmanygrieversaskthemselvesafteralossWhy
When we form attachments we are relying on the permanence of thingsWhenthosethingsvanishtheresultforusisapredictableonewesufferIntheepic Indian tale of the Bhagavad Gita prince Arjuna turns to his charioteerKrishnaforcounselonthebattlefieldWhileseeminglyjustadvisingthewarrioronmilitarystrategyLordKrishnaactuallyimpartsdeepspiritualwisdomtothe
unknowingseekerHeidentifiesattachmentasthebeginningofachainreactionofturbulentemotions
ldquoWhilecontemplatingtheobjectsofthesensesapersondevelops
attachmentforthemandfromsuchattachmentlustdevelopsandfromangerlustarisesrdquo
mdashVerse62(1972122)
ldquoFromangercompletedelusionarisesandfromdelusionbewildermentofmemoryWhenmemoryisbewilderedintelligenceislostandwhenintelligence
islostonefallsdownagainintothematerialpoolrdquo
mdashVerse63(1972123)
This explanation of how attachment manifests in human beings is anillumination from a realized master such as Krishna to the aspiring yogi(Bhaktivedanta 1972) This sage wisdom applies to every one of us who islearningandaspiringhereonEarthFormotherswhoseheightenedattachmentwith their infants is directly connected to the continued survival of theiroffspringenvisioningalifeofnonattachmentseemsnearlyimpossibleFormostofhumanitythatisalsotrueYetyogaoffersuspureknowledgethatappliestolifewithintheframeworkofwhatisfeasibleforeachoneofusYogadoesnotjustrelyonphilosophyhowevertoexplainwhywegrieveitpinpointsgriefinanahatachakraaspecificplaceinthebody
ExploringtheChakrasandHowTheyRelatetoGrief
TheSanskritwordchakra translates toldquowheelrdquo inEnglishThisevokesanimage of swirling energy the stirring of emotional and psychic contents Thesevenchakrasconfigureapathwaymovingfromprimalemotionsandsensations(fearangerdisgust)toloveandcompassionandspiritualconnection
According to yoga philosophy human beings are in a state of continuousevolutionThisevolutionissymbolizedbythespiralingmovementofkundalinian invisible energy that when awakened flows upward from the base of the
spine to the topof thehead (Satyananda1985)During its course this energymakes contact with several psychic centers (chakras) each of which signifiesdifferentstagesinourjourneytowardcompleteselfhoodJohnSelbystatesthateachchakracorrespondstoamajorendocrineglandamainautonomicnerveorgroupofnervesandthefunctionstheyregulatewithinthebodyandaspecificmanifestationoraspectofhumanconsciousness(1992)
The chakra system is a brilliant map for understanding the connectionbetweenmindbodyandspirit Itoffersadiagnostic toolaswell asa fieldofoperation for understanding and managing some of the difficult emotionsinvolved in griefGetting in touchwith these emotions unveils aspects of thepotential life lessons hidden in the symptoms we are experiencingWe beginmakingconnectionsbetweenthesensationswefeel inourbodiesandhowourthinkingisaffectedbysuchsensationsWitnessinghowthethreeessentialpartsofourselvesmdashthementalthephysicalandthespiritualmdashinteractweareabletoseethateachthoughtandemotionhasacorrelatewithinourphysicalbodyThisrecognitionfacilitatesourjourneyofintegrationandevolutionofconsciousness
ROOTCHAKRATHESURVIVOR
Thefirstchakra(mooladhara)islocatedatthepelvicfloorandcorrespondswiththecoccygealplexusofnervesInmenitliesintheperineumbetweentheurinary and excretory openings In women it is situated inside the posteriorsurfaceofthecervix
This chakra relates to our feelings and perceptions and the bodily
mechanisms associatedwith our survival and explains the fear some grievershavewithregardtotheirabilitytocontinuesimplygoingonlivingafteralossIn fact even when we are actually safe and secure there can be underlyingthoughtsandemotionsthatturnonthefight-or-flightresponsewhichproducesan increased heart rate and sweaty palms Because this is a basic ldquosurvivalmoderdquo reaction typicalofhumanbeings it canbe interpretedasa first chakraemanation symbolizing our primary instinct for survival our clinging toexistencewhilefearingnaturalprocesseslikedeath
We recognize how attachment to pleasure-giving sensory objects andaversiontowardexternalsourcesofdispleasurebecomehardwiredWhenfacedwith grief we can understand how oftentimes the griever wishes to join thedeceasedasifhisorherverysurvivalwerelinkedtothecontinuityofthebondBecausegriefcanseduceustomistakenlyidentifythelossofalovedoneasathreattoourexistencetheresultcanbeanaturalinclinationtomergewiththedeceased
Becauseofitsconnectionwiththematerialworldwealsoseeinthischakrathe difficulty grievers typically experience in performing the usual tasks thatensurephysicallifeThefatiguethatmanypeoplefeelduringgriefisalsotypicalofanimbalancein thiscenterThischakra isapotentsourceofallourearthlydesiresandthefeargreedandpossessivenesswemightfeelwhengrievingareassociated with it An example could be wishing to hold on to a deceasedrsquostreasuredobjectsorpossessions
Additionallybecause the firstchakra isassociatedwith thesenseofsmellthe common occurrence of grievers being reminded suddenly of the deceasedbased on encountering a smell associated with that person can be seen asemanatingfromthischakra
SACRALCHAKRATHEBIRTHPLACEOFDESIRE
Thesecondchakra(swadhisthana)isfoundatthebaseofthespineItrelatestothesacralplexusofnervesandsymbolizestheunconsciousItisalsorelatedto our overall emotional awareness and ability to experience our feelingsStronglyconnectedtothesexualorgansandtheirproductsdesiresandcravingstakeondefiniteformanddirectioninthischakraThischakraisalsoassociatedwithmovementespeciallyemotionaltypesofmovementIntermsofgrieftheinvolvementofthischakracanmanifestasalackofsexualdesireorconverselyastrengtheningofsexualappetiteThedifficultysomeexperience inaccessingintimacy or being social with others is a typical characteristic of a disturbed
secondchakraTheassociatedsensewiththischakraistasteSometimesthereisa certain taste some grievers notice along with other more typical symptomssuchasdrymouthanddisruptionsofnormaleatinghabits
NAVALCHAKRAWILLPOWERMADEMANIFEST
Thethirdchakra(manipura)sitsalongthespinalcolumndirectlybehindthenavelItcorrespondstothesolarplexusandphysiologicallyrelatestodigestionassimilationand temperature regulation in thebodyThischakrarepresentsanimportant step in the evolution of consciousness because it connects ourwillpowerwithourdesirespromotingmanifestationonthephysicalplaneThedifficulty inmaking decisions felt bymany grievers is an involvement of thethirdchakraWebecomeconfusedas towhat courseof action isbestbecauseourwillpowerissoprofoundlycompromisedWesometimesresorttotakingnoactionatall lacking themotivationneeded toconfront thefearof thechangeswearefacing
Some individuals throw themselves into work Others place a heightenedemphasis on an exuberant social life after loss to keep away from the painfullack of familiarity with the new unchartered reality The literal translation ofmanipura isldquocityof jewelsrdquoandit refers to thepreciousgemsofactionlyingdormant in this centerwaiting tobeunearthedby thepowerofour consciousintention The associated sense for this chakra is sight and I believe it canexplaincommonexperiencessomebereavedhaveofnotseeingthingsthatareinplainsightmdashforexamplesearchingfranticallyforhousekeysonlytofindthemintheappropriateplace justafewminutes laterornotseeingtheexitsignonthefreewayeventhoughitisthesameexitagrieverhastakenforthepastfiveyearswhen returninghomeEvenldquoseeingrdquo thedeceasedwithin themidst of acrowdonabusystreetcouldberelatedtothethirdchakra
HEARTCHAKRATHEREFUGEOFLOVE
Thefourthchakra(anahata)liesinthevertebralcolumnbehindthebaseoftheheart at the levelof thedepression in the sternum It relates to thecardiacplexusofnerveswhichinfluencesthefunctioningoftheheartandlungsThesearetwokeyareasthatareoftenaffectedbygriefmanifestingasdisruptionsofbothcardiacandbreathingrhythmsTheheartchakracorrespondstothethymusglandwhich relates to immunefunctionDuringbereavement it iscommon toexperienceanexacerbationofpreexistinghealthconditionsoranincreasedriskforsicknessduetoimmunesystemdepressionThischakraisthequintessentialblendingofmatterandSpirittheevolutionaryoasisonourpathtowardspiritual
fulfillmentItiswhereemotionalbondingandattachmentaredevelopedAstheseatofhumanloveitalsorelatestothepowerofloveasahealingforce
ThesenseassociatedwithanahataistouchIngriefthissenseisimportantbecause through touchwe fully experience theabsenceof thatwhichwehavelost Just think of the needmany individuals feel for touch after spousal lossImaginehowliberatingahugcanfeeltofacilitatethepowerfulreleaseofpent-upemotion
THROATCHAKRATHEPOWEROFSOUND
Thefifthchakra(vishuddhi)liesatthelevelofthethroatpitinthevertebralcolumnThischakracorrespondstothecervicalplexusofnervesandrelatestothethyroidglandandalsocertainsystemsofarticulationtheupperpalateandtheepiglottisThe thyroidrsquos involvement iskey ingrief thedisturbanceof theproductionof adrenaline canbe the sourceof feelingsofdepletion aswell asweight gain or loss that cannot be directly attributable to changes in eatinghabitsThiscentercanalsobethesourceforsomeofthehormonalimbalancesandmoodswingsexperiencedwhengrieving
Vishuddhi chakra is known as the purification centerwhere the powers ofcommunicationlieItdealssymbolicallywithsoundandvibrationOftenthosegrieving have difficulty talking about their grief or articulating their feelingsaboutalossTheoverwhelmingneedforsomegrievingindividualstohavetheirstories heard is another indication of this chakrarsquos involvement Because theassociatedsensewiththischakraishearingwecanunderstandtheimportanceofvoicingpainfulaswellasjoyfulmemoriesinthemidstoflossFifth-chakradisturbancescanalsoresultinsorethroatsandpainintheneckandshouldersmdashareasverycommonlyaffectedbygriefThesensationoffeelingchokedcanbeassociatedwiththischakraaswell
THIRD-EYECHAKRAWISDOMFOUNDWITHIN
The sixth chakra (ajna) lies in themidline of the brain directly above thespinal columnandcorrespondswith thepinealglandThischakracontrols themuscles and theonset of sexual activity inhumans It has control over all thefunctionsofthebodyItisthechakraofpuremindrepresentingahigherlevelofawarenessItisusuallycalledtheldquothirdeyerdquoanditissaidthatwhereasthetwophysicaleyes lookoutward the thirdeye looks inward In thatsense it revealsthe intuitive knowledge independent from the information supplied by thesenses
Ajnaisthewitnessingcenterwhereonebecomesthedetachedobserverofallevents including those within the body and the mind Sleep disorders are atypicalinvolvementofthischakrabecauseofitsrelationshiptothepinealglandand its main biochemical product melatonin Because of its connection withinner vision we might experience broader issues related to our perceptionfinding difficulty in seeing the road ahead Other common symptoms includecoordinationproblemssuchasaccidentallybumpingintothefurniture
On a positive note this chakra serves as a reminder that it is by lookingwithin that we find the source of all the feelings and thoughts that come upduringtheupheavalcreatedbylossBywitnessingtheendlessfluctuationsandchangeswithinourownmindswecanapproachstillnessInessencewhileourmindsstruggletounderstandourlossesourSpiritsknowandarereadytoacceptthem as a part of the normal cycle of life and existence The source of theknowledge thatwecanapply toprocessgriefcomesfromourconnectionwiththe intuitivewisdom the Spirit has rather than the acquired knowledge of thedualisticmindItisbecauseofthisdualisticaspectofthemindwhichisunableto recognize the night if it does not know the day that we cling to thepermanence of things attempting to ensure the continuance of the treasuredconnectionsThemindstrugglestounderstandthateventhoughalovedonemaybeabsentheorsheisstillpresentandinterwoveninthefabricofouridentity
CROWNCHAKRAWITNESSTOAGREATERREALITY
The seventh chakra (sahasrara) is the culmination of the kundalinirsquosenergeticpathwayseenastheseatofhigherawarenessItissituatedatthetopof the head and is physically correlated to the pituitary gland called theldquocommandcenterrdquowhichregulatestheentireendocrinesystemOnasymboliclevel it is in thischakrawhere thedualmindis transcendedandweenter intoperfectconsciousharmonywiththeonenessoftheuniverseWhenthischakraisout of balance during bereavement it results in depression alienation andconfusionThischakraalsorelatestothechallengesthatgriefimposesononersquosownspiritualbeliefs
BodyArmorADifferentTakeontheChakras
Thechakrasystemidentifiesspecificlocationsinthebodyandrelatesthemwith different types of emotions Wilhelm Reich the famous Austrianpsychoanalystcameupwithasimilarnotionwhenhedescribedhisconceptof
ldquobodyarmorrdquoheanalyzedhowmentalconflictsareexpressedinthebodyoftenthroughmuscularornervoustensionandhowthismechanismcouldbeintendedto protect the consciousness from accessing psychic content associated withtheseareas(1949)
EssentiallyReichrsquosviewis thatweshieldourselveswith thestiffarmorofmuscular tensionandassociatedbody language toavoidexperiencingnegativefeelingsThefieldsofpsychosomaticmedicineandsomaticpsychotherapyhavefurtherdeepenedthestudyof thesemechanismsandfoundrevealingcorrelatesbetweendiseaseprocessesandwhatanindividualisgoingthroughinhisorheremotional and psychic life For example when an individual is dealing withboundaryissuesheorshemightdevelopaskinconditionWhensomeonefindsit intolerable toexamineonersquos realityeyeproblemsmightdevelopOfcoursenothing is quite as simple as the examplesgivenyet the relationshipbetweenourmindsandourbodiesisundeniable
Whenconsideringthewidevarietyofsymptomsfoundingrief itbecomesevidentthatgriefaffectsthewholebeingUnderstandingthesignificanceofthechakrasinourphysicalbodiesandhowtheyrelatetoouroverallexperienceiskeyinourthinkingaboutgriefwhenpracticingBylearningthedifferentrolesthat the chakras play in our bodies and how they affect us emotionally theeffects of our yoga practice are deepened Exploring our knowledge of thechakrasystemleadstoanefficientandhelpfulwaytounderstandthemind-bodyconnectionanditsrelationshiptothevaryingsymptomsofgrief
TheHeartChakraAStartingPointforGrief
Although all chakras are involved during the grieving process the heartchakraistheprimaryonewhentalkingaboutgriefBecauseemotionalbondingdevelopsthereanahata isanessentialchakratoaddresswhenbuildingayogapracticeforaddressingthesymptomsandconsideringthenatureofthegrievingprocess It is thebridgebetween the lowerchakrasand thehigherones In thewords of John Selby ldquo[B]elow the heart chakra lies the world of matter ofsurvivalandprocreationofmanipulationandmasteryoverthephysicalrealmsof life Above lies the world of Spirit of pure thought and intuition ofinterpersonalcommunicationandultimatelyuniversalunityandtranscendenceTheheartchakrainitsmostbasicsenseisthemarriageofmatterandspiritofconcrete and abstract of knowledge andwisdomof earth andheavenrdquo (1992147) It represents a specifically human kind of evolution the growth of
humanityoutofdepthsoflowerordersandemotionsAs theseatof love thischakra iswhereour truechallenge lieswhen loss
occurswemustgothroughthedifficulttransitionfromldquolovinginpresencerdquotoldquolovinginabsencerdquoWecanskillfullyaskourselvesaboutthelosswearefacingIsourgriefaconsequenceofpureloveorpureattachmentItmaybeinterestingto notice the overlapping of these closely related emotions but according toyogathereisindeedadifferenceAsitissaidinyogaldquoLoveiswhatrsquosleftafteryoursquove let go of everything you loverdquo In this sense attachment can be seenpracticallyastheoppositeofloveaconceptthatmanifestsinsuchphrasesasldquoIfyoulovesomethingletitgordquo
YogarsquosquestforunconditionallovealsopertainstotheideathatlovingwiththeconditionofpresenceisnotrealloveldquoIloveyouaslongasyouarearoundrdquoisaratherlimitingconceptonethatdoesnothonortheexpansivenessofloveItis yet another example of the dualistic mind that validates reality based onphysicalpresenceWhatwecannotseewhatwecannottouchwetendtotreatas nonexistent To accept that love continues despite the absence of ourattachmentwemust transcenddualistic thinkingandembrace the inevitabilityofchange
Practicing yoga helps us to better understand this duality of love andattachment By developing a deeper awareness of and working on our heartchakraandthephysicalsensationsandfunctionsassociatedwithitanindividualcan experience enlightening expansion resulting in profound healingWe gainthe ability to synthesize our physical mental and spiritual awareness into apractice that acknowledges both the relocation of the deceased and onersquos owncontinuedpresenceon thisplaneofexistenceWhatbetterwaytohonora lostlovedone
GriefrsquosChallengetoSpiritualityldquoNot yet settled in a permanent home the soul takes temporary shelter in abodyrdquo says Kural 340 (Subramuniyaswami 1999 136) Ultimately thedifferencebetween traditionalpsychotherapyrsquos treatmentof thegrieverand theyogicviewisthespecialattentionyogagivestotheSpiritThesolutionforallcausesofsufferingofferedinTheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliistoreducethemtotheir source and deal with the resistance of the mind through meditation(Satyananda1976)Someofthespiritualsymptomsassociatedwithgriefcanbeseeninthefollowingtable
SPIRITUALSYMPTOMSOFGRIEF
FeelingangryatGod
AskingquestionsaboutGodlikeWhywouldGodallowthis
Asking questions about death and the deceased such asWhere is shenow Is he okay Can she see meWill I see him againWhat willhappenwhenIdie
Sensingthedeceasedrsquospresence
Hearingsmellingorseeingthedeceased
Havingdeathaffirmorchallengebeliefs
Experiencingawewondermystery
Reflectingonpersonalfinitude
Feelingtheneedtocontinuearelationshipwiththedeceased
Table5Spiritualsymptomsofgrief
ForsomegrieverslosscausesasplitfromspiritualityDoubtssurfaceabout
how life can continue in any meaningful way after someone dies Godrsquosgoodness is questionedwhen a child is killed People often feel anger towardGodwhenthelosstheyaregoingthroughseemssenselessorunfairForothersa similar loss can actually be a creative spark to onersquos individual spiritualjourney igniting a flame that yearns to connect with their untapped SpiritInquirymightresultinfindingnewanswersorindiscardingtheoldones
Especially in the case of death the losseswewitness force us to face ourownmortalityWeanalyzeandquestion thenatureof therelationshipwehavewith our own Spirit Impermanence as we know it forces us to question ourbeliefstoinquireaboutthemeaningoflifeandtowonderabouttheunknownYogadrawsinspirationfromthistypeofself-inquiryIfinfactasyogateachesuswe have everythingwe need for a good life then goingwithin seems therightdirectiontotakeSearchingfortheSpiritwithinthenbecomesarefugeavalidplaceforunderstandingandcreatingmeaningoutofloss
LoveBeyondAttachmentGrief and suffering are intrinsically intertwinedTherefore yoga as a spiritualdisciplineisanaturalfitasausefulsystemtoaddressgriefGriefrsquosrelationshiptoattachmentdepicts thenormalreaction tooneof thefiveessentialcausesofsufferingasstatedbythesagePatanjaliestablishinghowloveisdifferentfromalmostopposite to attachmentPlacedemotionallyandphysically inourheartchakra love is the positive expression of the chakra and attachment is thenegativeone
IntheWesternviewattachmentequalsloveandisalmostapreconditionforsurvivalBased on this leaders in the field of griefwork find that one of thegoalsofgriefcounselingand therapy is todevelopnewhealthierattachmentsAccordingtotheteachingsofyogathiscourseofactionleadstomoresufferingand actually undermines the transformative potential of our own grievingprocessByaccepting theultimate truths that theuniverse isbasedonandbyrelyingontheimpermanenceofourobjectsofattachmentwecandeveloptrueand enduring love that transcends the limitations of the physical placing lovebeyondattachmentOnly thendoweget in touchwithour trueessencemdashonlythenratherthanendingourjourneybeginshellip
ldquoThesoulrsquosattachmenttothebodyislikethatofafledglingwhichforsakes
itsemptyshellandfliesawayrdquo
mdashKural338(Subramuniyaswami1999136)
Any valid practical model destined to help those who are grieving mustinclude the spiritual challenges that grief presents It must also deal with thewaysinwhichthebodyexpressesgriefandthemindacknowledgestheresultingsuffering
The following chapter demonstrates my contribution to assist grievingindividualswith the complexities that grief entailsOutof necessitywebeginthe journeyofpracticebymeetinganydifficultieswith the forcesofwillTheresults of the practice itself and the wisdom one receives from thistransformativeendeavorwillbothamazeandinspireyou
Chapter3
HowtheYogaforGriefReliefPracticeWorks
Regardless of which worldviewmdashWestern or Easternmdashsuits you best it isimportant to remember that you must meet yourself where you are In thischapter I offer insights related to the purposeof each categoryof exercises inrelation to grief so that you can better understand how to address your needsBeforethatbeginsletrsquostakealookatanimportantprinciplethatappliestoyogaingeneralThetoolisneverasimportantastheonewhoiswieldingit
A piece of information an exercise or a technique is only useful if theoperatoriscautiousrespectfulcapableandconsciousWhetheryoupreferthepsychology-based approach of the Western model or the more spiritualunderstandingofEasternphilosophywhatrsquosmost important is toidentifywhatyouwanttodowithyourgriefbypracticingyogaThetoolsthatyouareabouttoreceivewillhelpaidyouinyourpursuit
Hereisametaphorthatmayhelpyoutounderstandthepowerofawarenesslocatedwithin yourself as you begin the practiceThe blacksmith can alwaysforge himself a new hammer but the hammer cannot make itself a newblacksmith In other words you will see that the process of reidentificationsproutsfromthesorrowfulseedsthatlieamidyourowngrief
As you start tomove through the pain of loss ask yourself how youwillapproachandengage in theyogapracticeWhatwouldyou like toaccomplishwith it As you incorporate various techniques to help cope with differentsymptoms encountered in your grief you will notice changes in your bodymind and emotionsYour experience each timeyoupracticemaybeuniquelydistinctchangingdependingonthedayyourmoodyourphysicalstateoryourlife circumstances Sometimes doing the same yoga technique in themorninginstead of in the evening might reveal distinct information and produce verydifferenteffectsonthepractitionerAsyoureadthischapterkeepinmindthattheintentionofthepracticeistocontactthatpartofyourselfthatknowsnolossSome call it the observer the higher self or the true witness of all yourexperiences
HowThisPracticeWasBorn
When I originally created this practice for transforming grief a suitablesequence of techniquesmdashthe best possible information to serve grievingindividualsmdashcamepouringfromwithinmewithuncannyeaseIcanonlyrefertothisexperienceasanactofpureyogicinspirationForyearsIfeltshyaboutsharingthewayinwhichthispracticecametolifeDespitemystrongsenseofits therapeutic effectiveness I feared peoplewould underestimate the value ofthesequencebecauseithadnotrequiredmonthsofstruggleelaboratestudyordemanding intellectual focus Experiencing this spontaneous reception ofaccurateandappropriateinformationproducedinthedepthofmybeinggavemehumility and awe Even personally knowing the magic of yoga I still feltawkward about the easewithwhich this perfectly applicable sadhana showeditselfunveilingtomethetoolstoworkwiththebereaved
Sincethatextraordinarymomentbackin1994Ihavepersonallywitnessedthe power of Yoga for Grief Relief at work Whether in clinical or informalsettingsgrouporprivatesessionsprofessionaltrainingsorpersonalretreatsthetransformationalpowerofthissadhanacontinuestoamazeme
Incidentally it was much later that I was able to identify that preciousmissingelement inmyawarenessyoga iswithineachoneofusalreadyThisknowledge often manifests as intuition that influences our creativity and allaspectsofourlivesInitiallymyinsightsaboutthebodyrsquosinherentinvolvementinthegrievingprocesscamefrommyownexperienceIwitnessedhowmybodyexpressedwhatmymind could not accept regarding the death ofmy belovedmother
When shedied Iwasayoungmanadamantly refusing toacceptherdeathandthepainthatresultedfromitInsteadIcameupwithmultipleexcusesforescaping my present reality cleverly supporting my behavioral choices withthoughtsthatseemedtoworkItoldmyselfthatmymomdidnotbringmeuptobeasadcreaturemourningherdeathineverycornerofourhouseSoIbusiedmyselfwithstudyinganddistractedmyselfwithtripstothebeachIlookedforexcitementdancingallnightlongdrinkingandhavingablast
Two years after her death the denial of the impact and the tearing ofmyheartmanifestedphysicallyasabonespurrightinthecenterofmychestwhereone of my ribs meets the breastbone It resembled calcifications that areproduced internally after a fractureorchestratedby thebody to strengthen theskeletalsystemYesIhadabrokenheartandmybodyshowedthattome
When the Yoga for Grief Relief practice assumed its full form it wasembracedbypractitionersasausefulsetoftoolsaffirmingtheeffectivenessand
perfectionofengagingancientyogatoaddressthevarioussymptomsofmodern-daygriefAsIcarefullybuilttheYogaforGriefReliefprogramIfirstincludedexercises that I thoughtwould take careof themoreobviousbodily effectsofgriefNextIaddressedtheproblemofperceptionsofthebereavedmindinordertoeffectchange in theneuroendocrinesystemFinally Isought tohelppeoplechangetheirperceptionofthelossandredefinethemselvesbasedonanewfoundself-awareness
TheActivePrinciplesofthePracticeYogaoffers techniques toenhanceourawarenessof the inherentvibrantunityamong body mind and spirit For the body yoga offers asanas or physicalmovementsthatimprovevitalfunctionsandenhanceemotionalawarenessForthemindyogausespranayamaorbreathworkBecausethequalityandrhythmof our breathing changes as we experience different thoughts and emotionsactivelyworkingwithourbreathingpatternscanbeausefulwaytoaddressthementalsymptomsencounteredingriefFinallyyogaoffersmeditationtoaddressthe Spirit since once the body is still and themind entertained thatwhich isneithermindnorbodycanmorefullymanifest
The yoga system is precise in how it prescribes exercises for specificsymptomsmuchlikeWesternmedicinedoesyetitisuniqueinacknowledgingthat each exercise addresses the full being The six significant categories thathelpustomovethroughthegrievingprocessarebreathworkbodymovementscleansingtechniquesrelaxationmindreprogrammingandmeditation
PranayamaIntroducingLifeControlThroughBreathWork
Pranayamainvolvesworkingdirectlywithourmostabundantlife-bestowingenergy our breath (prana) These exercises restore our sense of control byconnecting us to our innermost vitalitywhich easily falls out of balance afterlossConsciouslyworkingwithourbreathhelpstoreestablishbalanceandcopewith the fearsome loss of control that grief often presents It also helps us toacquaintourselveswithourmindsmoreintimatelytoobservethewaysinwhichweprocessouremotionsBasedonthisobservationwecandecidewhichtoolsweneedtousetoactivateourenergywhenfeelingdepletedortorelaxandfeelcalmwhenfeelinganxious
Because breathing is automatic and normally performed unconsciously
working consciously with the breath helps us to bridge the gap betweenconsciousandunconsciousEach timeweengage thebreath thiswaywehelpunite the intentional conscious mind and the more hidden unconscious mindallowingustofocusonthoseaspectsthatremainintheshadowycornersofourawareness
It is impossible to change thatwhichwe donrsquot knowor acknowledgeWeneed to recognize the existence of somethingbeforewe can transform it It isthroughourbreathawarenessthatweanchorourauthenticexperiencebringingattention to life in the present moment Our challenge is acknowledging theactual moment as is rather than what we think about it the intention is toactuallyexperienceandviewtheconcreterealityofthemoment
InUruguaywhereIwasbornthereisapopularsayingldquoAlifeistowriteabook to plant a tree and to bring up a childrdquoMy spiritualmasterMaharajiPremPalSinghRawatgivesitabeautiful twistsayingldquoLifeisonebreathinandonebreathoutnomorenolessSoactuallywritingabookplantingatreeorbringingupachildarelsquostoriesrsquoofliferdquo(1990)Givingpresencetoourbreathwegivepresencetoourlifeaswell
ThetediousnatureofthebereavementprocessdemandsoratleastrequestspatienceandawarenesssomethingconsciousbreathingdevelopsAfterallitisnotpossibletotakethenextbreathbeforethepresentoneiscompletethisistheonlywayinwhichlifecanhappenjustonebreathatatime
AsanaToolsforTransformingtheBody
Specificphysicalposesalterthesymptomsofgriefbyaddressingpainlackofenergyandvariousstructuralmalformationsourbodiescancontortintosuchashunchedbacksorcaved-inchestsThesetoolsforsomatictransformationcanbeputintopracticetopromotemovementofthephysicalandpsychiccontentsin the body Essentially any symptom whether psychological or physicalindicatesablockageofenergyresultinginthedisruptionofthenaturalbalanceofourhealthBypromotingthemovementofenergyweallowthelifeforcetoflowtothoseplacesin thebodythatneedit themostWealsobringthelatentcontentsofourmindstothesurfaceofconsciousnessmakingthemavailabletowitnessexploreandultimatelytransform
Our bodies are profoundly involved in the grieving process and infinitelywiserthanourmindsTappingintothebodyrsquoswisdomthroughmovementwhilemonitoring our intensified sensations and feelings gives us a much-needed
awarenessoftheconnectionofbodyandmindIntentionallyengagingourbodyin thesepractices is essential for our continuedoptimalhealth andwell-beingEstablishingtheconnectionmentallyandphysicallyallowsthemindtousethebodyasananchorduringtimesofunrest
Whenfacedwithanexperiencethatweperceiveas threateningwetendtoshield ourselveswith emotional armor built from previous pain and sufferingHabituallycuttingofftheflowofourlifeforcetoavoidcontactwithunpleasantfeelings literallypreventsus fromprocessing thepainofour emotionsLikeahouseofcardsbuiltonillusionthischaradedepletesourresourcesanddistractsusfromthetaskofworkingwithourauthenticfeelings
Performing these asanas challenges the holdings of the bodyrsquos armor (seeldquoBodyArmorADifferent Take on theChakrasrdquo in chapter 2) and helps thenatural energy hubs (chakras) connect enhancing the continuous flow ofconsciousness By stirring up the emotional and psychic contents held in themusclememorywe can connectwith our story throughour bodyrsquos display ofbothstrengthandweakness
As you will find many of the asanas presented here support the bodyrsquosvigorouschallengetofacethesymptomsofgriefYogicactionisgreatlyvaluedand especially effective in transforming griefAmong themanyother benefitsyoga offers choosing specific postures helps the body release some of theunwantedgrief-inducedchemicalspresentinthebloodstream
ShatkarmaACleansingTechniquefortheMind
Shatkarmaisagroupofyogiccleansingtechniquesusedtoreleaseemotionsthoughtsorphysicalexperiencestrappedinthebody-mindThisprocesscanbelikened to cleaning the surface of a crystal First it allows us to dealwith thegrime then it addresseswhat lies below and finally it encounters the pristineclarityofthecrystalundisturbedbywhatcloudedit
Intheparticularcaseofdealingwithgriefbeliefsystemsworldviewsandpreexistingmentalprogrammingusuallycloudourability toperceiveourgriefasnormalThetoxicbyproductsofstressthedebilitatingactionontheimmunesystem and the neurologically induced negative anticipatory thinking can andmustbetransformedsowecanstarttofeelbetteranddiligentlyandpurposefullyaccessthehiddengemfoundwithingrief
RelaxationCombatingStress
Relaxing practices such asanga shaithilya or self-relaxation are vital fordiminishing stress levels that areusuallyheightenedduringgriefAdjusting toournewundefinedrealityoften involves learningnewcopingskillsForsomeof us that alone can increase stress Relaxation is a potent normalizer andantidotetodealwiththeresultingsymptomsofbothsomaticallyexpressedstressandmentalanguishAngashaithilyaalsohelpsregulatedisturbedvitalfunctionssuch as breathing and cardiac rhythms sleep cycles and eating habitsRelaxation is also fundamental in helping the body achieve homeostasisbalancing blood-pressure levels and resetting the overall endocrine systemwhich in turnhelps to reduceourdramaticmoodswingsandgeneral stateofirritability
SankalpaResettingtheMind
OneofthemosteffectivementalreprogrammingtechniquesyogapossessesisSankalpa thepowerfulyogicprinciple referred toasldquoResolverdquoSettingourintentionorsayingaprayeroftenoutloudcanhelpresetthebrainandfocusthemind The application for grief in particular helps address the scattered andshatteredlinearthinkingthat issocharacteristicofgriefByfocusingthemindand identifying the present situation grieving individuals can clarify whatspecificchanges they intend toaccomplishThis tool is simplycalledResolveanditsurelyldquoresolvesrdquoThispracticeengagesourfullpresenceindicatingthatone is resolved to take the next step Resolve combats negative anticipatorythinking that stems from grief-induced disturbances of the limbic system Itaccomplishesthisbyformulatingintentionsonlyinthepresenttenseproducingpositive mental alignment and offering a powerful antidote for fear-basedruminations
MeditationTheChiefTechniquetoAddresstheSpirit
Many people think meditation involves stopping the mind Due to thiserroneousmisconceptionmanyfrustratedandconfusedseekerschoosetototallydiscard meditation In truth the attempt to stop the mind is futile since itcontradictsthemindrsquosinherentfunctioningwhichconstantlyshiftsfromthepast
tothefuturefromtherealtothefantasizedRatherthanattemptingtostopthemindmeditationofferstheever-changingmindalimitedrangeofchangemdashforexamplegoingfromchantingoneomtoanotherormovingfromonerepetitionoftheRosarytoanotheroneThisinturncomfortablydistractsthemindduetoanaturalfeatureofthebrainthatmaskspermanentstimuli
TobetterunderstandthismaskingfeatureimaginesomeonewhomovestoanewhomeinfrontofrailroadtracksandhearseachandeverypassingtrainAfewmonthslaterwhileentertainingathomeadinnerguestexpressesprofoundconcernabouttheintensenoiseldquoWowthesetrainsmustdriveyoucrazyrdquoThehostqueriesunthinkinglyldquoWhattrainsrdquo
HowthePracticeFunctionsasaWholeThe sadhana that Irsquove developed follows its own inherent rhythm leading usthroughprogressivesteps for transforminggriefFirst ithelpsusprepare tobepresentforthefullpaletteofourfeelingsthenitpromotestheproperflowoflifeforcecreatingoptimalconditionsforhealingNext itstirs theemotionalheartdeepeningourconnectionwithouremotionsandthenitprovidesanoutletforthe ones we want to release Subsequently it offers some control over theemotionalrollercoasterofgriefsothatbalancecanthenbeachievedThroughrelaxation thedeep releaseof internalandexternal stressors follows readyingthemindtoaccessnewprogrammingWethenhaveamoredirectunobstructedpathwaytothedepthofourSpiritforcreativelyredefiningournewidentity
OvercomingBarrierstoPractice
ThesadhanapresentedinthisbookisapracticeThereforeitrequiresyourcommitment to practice for you to reap the desired benefits This may seemobvious toyouyet that isnot so formanypeopleSomehope thatby simplyreadingthismaterialtheirsymptomswillspontaneouslyabateOthersalthoughencouragedby the results seenafter just a few initial rounds simplywill stoppracticebecausetheydonothavethewillorstrengthwithintocontinueSomereport that they donrsquot practice because of lack of appropriate support othersbecausetheyarewaitingforthemostidealconditionsthatneverseemtoshowupAlloftheseareexcusesthatcanandmustberesolved
SuccessinyogaandtheabilitytomanifestthebestpossiblelifeisbasedontwocoreprinciplespracticeandnonattachmentWorkingonnonattachment is
byfarmoredifficultthanworkingonestablishingapracticeEspeciallyduringexcruciatingly difficultmoments of bereavement the grievingmindmaywellresisttalkingaboutorconfrontingtheconceptofnonattachment
Asstatedinchapter1weonlygrievethelossofthatwhichweareattachedto This statement depicts exactly how grief and attachment are intrinsicallyintertwined
Eachpartofthesadhanaservestheoverallgoaloftransformingthecomplexexperience of grief by promoting body mind and spirit integration andrejuvenation
To accommodate the emotional waves and inherent fluctuations in thebereavementprocessIsuggestmaintaininganattitudeofdetachmenttowardtheimmediateresultsofpracticeSomedaysyourpracticewillbeintenseonothersitmaybemilderSomedaysyouwill feel content after practicing other daysyourpracticemighttakeyoutoplacesthatfeellessthansatisfyingThedeeperbenefitswill comeas a result of establishing a regular practiceKeep inmindthatinthebest-casescenarioaseriousdedicatedpracticecanactuallyleadonetononattachment
In the following chapter I will demonstrate how to do the practicesthemselveshoweachpracticehelpsusandhowtoestablishthebestlogisticstoensureasuccessfulpractice
Chapter4
WhatYouCanDoTheYogaPractice
This chapter features the sadhana a sequence of exercises presented in asimplewayandaspecificorderbestsuitedtoaidinyourgrievingprocessThepreviouschaptersharedinformationexplainingthegeneraleffectsofeachgroupof exercises This chapter explains how each technique specifically addressesgriefandhow topracticeeachoneby followingstep-by-step instructionsThechapter that follows this one will help you discern how and when to use theexercisesandifneedbehowtoadaptthemaccordingtoyourpersonalabilitiesand needsYoumay benefit from familiarizing yourselfwith both chapters asyou embark on your practice alternating between the two while learning thetechniquesandplanninghowtointegratethemintoyourlife
Hereisanat-a-glancelistofthesadhanaexercises(alongwiththeirSanskritnames)intheorderIproposetheybepracticedin
YogaforGriefReliefSadhana
Pranayama
CompleteBreathing(MahatYogaPranayama)
Asana
EnergyFlowSeries(Pawanmuktasana1)
Windmill(VayuChakramAsana)
AttitudeofDischarging(UtthitaLolasana)
Shatkarma
ConcentratedGazing(Tratak)
Pranayama
Alternate-NostrilBreathing(NadiShodhanaPranayama)
Relax
Self-RelaxationTechnique(AngaShaithilya)
MentalReprogramming
Resolve(Sankalpa)
Meditation
BreathMeditation
AcceptingLifeFully
ldquoLifeisonebreathinandonebreathouthelliprdquo
mdashPremPalSinghRawat
PracticingCompleteBreathingallowsyoutogetintouchwiththequintessentialmovementinyourlifeonebreathinandonebreathoutDuringbereavementthemindisconfusedinitsattempttograspanewrealityandtendstoruminateonthepastoranticipateanegativefutureSinceneitherof these tendenciesallowyoutoinhabitthepresentmdashtheonlyplacetoreallybemdashitisimportanttobringawarenesstowhatlifeisreallylikeinthemomentThisexercisecalmsthemindwhilethebodybenefitsfromreceivingaproperintakeofoxygenwhichhelpstoalleviatetheshortnessofbreathcommonlypresentwhengrieving
CompleteBreathing(MahatYogaPranayama)
Prior toactuallypracticingCompleteBreathing letrsquos takea lookatapreparatoryexercisethatwillhelpyoubetteridentifythethreepartsinvolvedinthetechnique
PreparationforCompleteBreathing
1 Lieonyourbackfindacomfortablepositionandplaceyourarmsatyoursideswithpalmsfacingup
2 ConnectwithyourbreathandobservethebreathrsquosnaturalrhythmObservetheinvolvementofyourbellyribsandchestinyourbreath
3 BringyourrighthandtothelowerbellykeepingtheelbowonthefloorBringthelefthandontoyourchestInhalebringingairmostlytothebellyExhalesoftlycontractingthebellyContinuetobreathethiswayforafewroundsNotethatatthistimethereshouldbenomovementofyourlefthandorintheribcageareaWitnesstherighthandmovingupanddownwhiletheleftremainsstill
4 Nowmovebothhandstotheribcageplacingthethumbatthebackoftheribscloseto
thespineandyourfingersinfrontMakesurethattheinneredgeofthehands(thumbtothetipoftheindexfinger)followsthecurveofyourribsRestthetipoftheindexfingerasclosetothefrontpartoftheribsasyoucanInhaleallowingtheribstoexpandExhaleallowingtheribstocomebacktowardthecenterofyourbodyastheycontractCompresstheribsslightlytowardthecenterofthebodywithyourhandsattheendoftheexhalationContinuetobreathethiswayforafewroundsNotethatthechestandbellyshouldexperiencelittlemovementatthistime
5 PlaceyourhandsbackatyoursidesforamomentbeforebringingthemtotheirpreviouspositionlefthandatthechestrighthandatthelowerbellyInhaleallowingthechesttofillupNoticethecollarbonesmovingtowardthejawboneThenexhaleallowingthechesttosoftlycontractasitreturnstotheoriginalpositionContinuetobreathethiswayforafewroundsAtthistimethereshouldbenomovementofthebellytherighthandortheribcagearea
Now that each phase of breathing has been broken down for you bring it together insequenceasCompleteBreathing
CompleteBreathing
1 Inhaleslowlyexpandingyourabdomen
2 Thenfullyexpandyourribs
3 Thenexpandthechestoutwardandupward
4 Exhalerelaxingfirsttheabdomenthentheribsandthenthechestfirstdownwardandtheninward
5 PracticecontinuousinhalationsandexhalationsTheremaybeatendencytoallowthebellytofallwhilebringingairintothechestDoyourbesttokeepthebellyfullduringinhalationandasyoucontinuetoengagetheremainingparts
Suggestedtime5minutes
Benefits
Itmaximizesyourinhalationsandexhalations
Ithelpsyougaincontrolofthebreathcorrectsalteredbreathingpatternsandincreasesoxygenintake
Itbringsawarenesstotheareawherethemainchakrasarelocatedthereforeenhancingconsciousconnectionwithrelatedthoughtsandsensations
Itservesasasymbolicacceptanceofthetotalityofthegrievingprocess
Ithelpspromoteapsychologicalsensationofgreatercontroloverlife
Precautions
Thewholeprocessshouldbeonecontinuousmovement
Eachphaseofbreathingmovesintothenextwithoutanyobvioustransitionpoint
Ifexperiencinglowerbackpainplaceacushionorothersupportunderyourknees
Contraindications
None
On a psychosomatic level by engaging your abdominal muscles duringCompleteBreathing you can connectwith gut feelings such as anger fear orguiltRawfeelingsexperiencedbytheheartoftenencounterresistancefromthemindThere isa reasonwhymanypeople refer to feelinganxiousashavingaknotintheirstomach
TheintercostalmusclesholdtheribstogetherandrelatetosafetyTheyarethemusclesthathelpprotectourpreciousvitalorgansItiscommontoseetherib cage locked in defensewith frightened and abused individualsBy tensingthe intercostals an individual attempts to re-create a sense of security that isbeing threatened Asking yourself questions to identify the threatmdashldquoWhat isthreateningmeHowcanImaintainasenseofsecurityWhatmightIneedtodordquomdashcanskillfullyelicitmuch-neededintrospectionAllowingtheribcagetoexpandissymbolicofyourintentiontobeflexibleregardingsafety
ThepectoralbreathrelatestoemotionsoryourelaboratedgutfeelingsMostofusfirstfilterourgutfeelingsthroughtheparametersofwhatweconsidersafethen transform them into complex emotions including other aspects related toourbeliefsystemsintellectualconsiderationslearneddefensemechanismsandmore
ldquoThewayinwhichyoubreatheisametaphorforthewayinwhichyouareliving your lifeAre you taking little sips of breath as though you donrsquot havepermission to takeupmuchspaceon theplanetrdquoasksAmyWeintraub(2004125)YourpracticeofCompleteBreathingissymbolicofyourcommitmenttoafullbreathandafulllifeThereforeyouareabletotrulyinhabitthepresentanddealwiththefeelingsthatgriefstirsupYoumightnotlikethesefeelingsyetitisnecessarytobepresentforthemiftheintentionistomovethroughthegriefprocess in a healthy way By exhaling fully you are also committing tocompletelylettinggoofwhatnolongerservesyoumdashperhapsagoodtrade-off
SomepeopleknowadifferentwayofpracticingthistechniquecalledDurgausingbellyribsandchesttoinhalebutexhalingusingchestfirstthenribsandbelly last I propose using belly ribs then chest for both inhalation andexhalation because it facilitates filling and also emptying the lungs mostefficiently Imagine one of those tubes of frosting with a metal tip used fordecoratingcakesIfyoureallywanttoemptyityoumustfirstpressthebottomthen the middle and last the tip The same applies to the lungs which arebasicallytwotriangleswiththebasefacingtowardthebottomofthetorsoThelungsemptymostcompletelywhen lowering thebelly first then theribs thenthechestThisactionalsoallowsforastrongerinhalationaftereachexhalationbecause nothing can be filled up completely if it has not been previously
emptiedAfter you havemastered the use of the three areas involved in this breath
workpleasepracticeCompleteBreathingusingyourpersonalbreathingrhythmPracticingbreathinginthewayIrsquoveindicatedcanbesymbolicallyusedasasignofyourwillingness toembrace thefullnessofyourgrievingprocessOnce thebreath is made conscious and its use enhanced by the practice of CompleteBreathingthenwecanattempttocontroltheflowoflifeforce
UnblockingtheFlowoftheLifeForceThisasanaseriesisamasterpieceofyogamdashatruegemmdashthoughperhapsduetoits simplicity deceptive power and gentle efficiency it is not alwaysacknowledged as such Unblocking the life forcersquos flow is essential whenattemptingtoregainhealthandpromotechangeThewordpawanmeansldquodivinewindrdquo and relates to the life force that comes with the breathmukta meansldquoreleaserdquo and asana means ldquoposerdquo Therefore pawanmuktasana translates toposes that removeblockages thatprevent thefree flowofenergy inbothbodyandmind This technique should be practiced from beginning to end withoutskippinganypart
EnergyFlowSeries(Pawanmuktasana1)
Sitwithyourlegsstraightandyourhandsbehindyourbodyfingerspointingawayfromyourtoes
ToeBending
1 Bringawarenesstoyourtoes
2 Nowrollthetoesforwardthenback
3 Keepyourawarenessonyourtoes
AnkleBending
1 Separateyourlegsslightlysothatwhenyouperformanklerotationsyourfeetdonottouch
2 Bringawarenesstoyourankles
3 RotateyouranklesinoppositedirectionskeepingthetoesrelaxedMakeaswidearotationasyoucomfortablycan
4 Nowreversedirections
KneeBending
1 Bringawarenesstoyourknees
2 Liedownonyourbackwithyourhandsunderthesacrumpalmsfacingdownandthesolesofyourfeetonthefloorkneesbent
3 Straightenyourrightlegupfully
4 Letthecalffallbendingattheknee
5 Nowswitchlegsandrepeat
6 Onceyouhavecycledthroughbothlegsstretchyourlegsoutfullyonthefloorremovingyourhandsfromunderthesacrumandlyingflatcontinuetobeawareofyourknees
HipRotation
1 Bringyourawarenesstothehips
2 Lifttherightlegslightlyoffthefloor
3 CrosstherightleglowovertheleftlegtowardyourleftarmkeepingthekneestraightKeepyourgluteusmusclesbackandshouldersflatonthefloortoavoidtwistingyourwaist
4 Bendtherightkneebringingittowardyourface
5 Opentherightlegouttotherightandstraightentheknee
6 Bringtherightlegtowardtheleftleg
7 Continuewiththerotationmakinganotherlargecircle
8 Repeatthecyclewiththesamelegbutrotateintheoppositedirection
9 Repeatwiththeleftleg
SpinalTwistProstrationPose
1 Bringyourawarenesstothewaist
2 Situpfromthelyingdownpositionandspreadyourlegsapart
3 Inhaleandbendthebodyforwardbringingyourarmstowardyourtoes
4 NowswingtheupperbodytotheleftandonanexhalebringyourtorsodowntothefloorcreatingatwistatthewaistYoushouldendupwithyourhandsandchinonthefloorandelbowsupMakesureyouleaveyourrightbuttockasclosetothefloorasyoucanwhilealsobringingtheleftshoulderdowntowardthefloor
5 Nowinhaleandcomeupswingingtheupperbodybacktowardyourfeet
6 Onanexhaleswingthebodytotherightside
7 Repeat
Besureyourchinrestswherethebackofyourheadwouldbeifyouwerelyingdown
HandClenching
1 Findacomfortablesittingposition
2 Keepingthespinestraightbringyourhandstothekneeswithpalmsfacingup
3 Bringawarenesstoyourfingers
4 Stretchthearmsforwardandstretchyourfingersspreadingthemapart
5 Thenbendyourfingersincreatingtwofists
6 Uncurlyourfingersandbringyourhandsbackdowntorestonyourkneeskeepingawarenessonyourfingers
Wrist-JointRotation
1 Moveawarenesstoyourwrists
2 StretchthearmsforwardagainmakingtwofistsKeepyourthumbsinsidethefists
3 KeepingyourhandsinthatpositionbringthemupandrotateyourwristsinoppositedirectionsKeepyourarmsparallelwiththefloorandmakesuretokeepthemstraighttheforearmsfacingdownrotatingonlythewrists
4 Nowreversethedirection
5 Bringyourhandsbacktothekneesrelaxthemandremainwithyourawarenessonthewrists
ElbowBending
1 Bringyourawarenesstotheelbows
2 Stretchtherightarmforwardwithpalmfacinguparmparalleltothefloor
3 Holdtherightarmwiththelefthandatthebicepareasupportingthewholearmsoitremainsatshoulderlevel
4 Bendtheelbowbringingyourfingerstotheshoulder
5 Nowlettheforearmfallforwardstraighteningyourarmagainwiththepalmfacingup
6 Changearmsandrepeat
7 Nowbringyourarmsdownrelaxingthemandplacingyourhandsattheknees
8 Keepyourawarenessontheelbows
ShoulderSocketRotation
1 Bringawarenesstoyourshoulders
2 Onaninhalemovethetipsofyourfingerstothetipsofyourshoulders
3 ExhaleplacingtheelbowstogetherinfrontofyourchestYourelbowsshouldtouch
4 InhalebringingtheelbowsupthenbackMakesurethehandstouchatthebackoftheneck
5 ExhalebringingtheelbowsdownthenforwardcompletingthecircleMakesuretokeeptheneckrelaxed
6 Repeattheexercisewiththeelbowsrotatingintheoppositedirection
7 Whendonebringyourhandstorestonthekneesrelaxingtheshoulders
NeckRotations
1 Bringawarenesstoyourneck
2 Lettheheadfallforward
3 Nowbringtheheadupthenletitrollbackopeningthemouthslightly
4 Repeatthemotion
5 Nowbringyourheadbackstraighttoitsoriginalpositionandtiltitslightlytotherightbringingtherighteardowntowardtherightshoulder
6 BringtheheadbackupandtiltittotheleftbringingthelefteardowntowardtheleftshoulderDonrsquotturnyourneckonlymovethehead
7 Nowbringthechindowntoyourchest
8 Bringthechinupandmoveittowardtherightshoulder
9 Thenbringyourchinuppointingittowardtheceiling
10 Nowmoveyourchintowardtheleftshoulder
11 Thenbringitdowntowardthechest
12 ReversedirectionsRemembertokeepyourshouldersandhandsrelaxedasyoucyclethroughthemovementsKeepyourawarenessonyourneck
Suggestednumberofrepetitionsnolessthan3timeseachmovement
Suggestedtime10minutes
Benefits
Itpromotesthefreeflowoflifeforce
Itoptimizestheconditionsforhealing
Itstimulatesproperlymphaticdrainage
Itimprovesproperjointfunctionalitycombatingtheeffectsofarthritisandotherdegenerativeillnesses
Itrelaxesthemusclesofthebodyandtheimpulsesthattravelbacktothebrainrelaxingthemind
Ittunesuptheautonomicnerves
Itbalanceshormonalfunctions
Itimprovesvitalorganfunctions
Itimprovestheattentivefacultyofthemind
Precautions
Stayfocusedoneachbodypartpriortomovingitwhilemovingitandafterwardaswell
BesensitivetopainassociatedwithpotentialpoppingsoundswhenmovingthehipsIfthepoppingisnotpainfulyoumightcontinue
IfmomentarilyunabletoperformamovementdonotskipthatjointorplaceRathervisualizethemovementasfullyasyouareabletothencontinuewiththesubsequentjoint
Contraindications
Thisseriesneedstobemodifiedifyouhaveinjuriesorlimitationsinanyparticularjointinvolved
Thosesufferingfromsciaticaorlowerbackndashrelatedconditionsshouldbesensitivetopainwhenperformingthoseasanasthatinvolvethisareaofthebody
Theneckexercisesshouldnotbeperformedfullybythosesufferingfromhighbloodpressureorextremecervicalspondylosis
As we free the energy in our body it flows from healthy places tocompromised areas promoting the flow of the life force nourishing the bodyfromwithinandallowingittohealGriefisnotanillnessalthoughattimeswecertainlyfeelquitesickOurbodiesacheyearningforthereestablishmentofourwell-beingAspracticehelpstorestoreorderandproperoverallfunctioningwearemoreequippedtocopewithgrievoushealthdisturbances
Placing our awareness on each joint helps us gain deeper contact withourselvesheighteningourperceptionofsensationsandfeelingsinthebody
Doing this offers thepossibilityof tapping into thebodyrsquos rhythmswhichare often much clearer than the perceptions of the mind After all we canrsquotchangewhatwedonrsquotknowWhilegrievingourawarenessisoftenmisguidedlyplacedon thedramaofour losses Increasingawarenessof thebody improvesthereceptivityofthemindbecauseoftheintricateunionofthesetwoaspectsofoursystem
Learninghowourbodyrespondstoouractionsisexpertlydemonstratedinthe alternation of first feeling a joint in stillness and then feeling it in actionWhenwe focus on how it feels tomove this part of our bodywe engage infeelingtheeffectsmoreprecisely
ThemonitoringoftheconditionofourjointsservesasamappingdeviceItis a fresh angle on self-reflection which enables us to witness progress Themoving body releases information regarding feelings and mental impressionsthatweholdinourmoleculesBycarefullylisteningtotheemergencewecanhear our own internal guidance taking us a step closer to reinforcing existingfeelingsorchangingthemtosuitourneeds
The flexions and extensions contractions and torsionsmdashall help the bodypurgeundesiredchemicalbyproductsofgriefTheseactionspromotethereleaseoftoxinsthatifleftinsidemakeouranxietygreaterourdepressiondeeperandourconfusionmorepronouncedMonitoringthedailychangeshelpsuswitnessthe small improvements that practice of this technique brings By witnessingthesedailymicroimprovementsyoucangainrenewedhopeinthepossibilityofincrementalshiftsthatreduceclassicalnegativeanticipatorythinking
Themindcanconvenientlyldquoforgetrdquosomejointssotry toremembertonotskip any of the exercises so as to avoid further blockages Even if you canrsquotmovea jointdue toafunctional limitationsimplyvisualize therotationOncewersquove cleared the pathways of the life force in the system we are ready tofurtherstirupourfeelingsandmakeadeeperandmoresignificantconnectionwith themmdashsomethingthefollowingexercise theWindmill isuniquelysuitedfor
WhiskingUptheFeelingsTheWindmillisthekeyasana intheYogaforGriefReliefsadhanaandgivesyou access to themost powerful resource you can tap intoAlthough it is notfound in classical yoga texts it relates to a similar exercise included inBioenergeticsatechniqueinventedbyAmericanphysicianandpsychotherapistAlexander Lowen (1994) I felt inspired to design theWindmill exercise andintegrateit intomygrief therapypracticebecauseof theprofoundeffect ithadon me As a somatic psychotherapist I was absolutely fascinated by theimmediate effect of how quickly whirling arm movements enhance theperceptionoffeelingsInadditionIlearnedthatintraditionalChinesemedicinesome rotational movements of the arms are often prescribed to deal withsymptomsofgriefpinpointedinthelungs
AnandaBalayogiBhavananiadearfriendandoneofthemodernscholarsofYoga in India provided me with a Sanskrit name for the technique vayuchakramasanaorldquowheelofairrdquoThroughmanyyearsofusingthistechniqueIhavecometorealizethattheeffectivenessoftheWindmillisabsolutelyduetothe intentionally direct contact with anahata chakra the heart center whereattachmentisdeveloped
Windmill(VayuChakramAsana)
RightArm
1 Standwithyourfeetparallelthekneesunlockedthespinestraightandyourarmsatyoursides
2 Turnthethumbofyourrighthandinwardtowardthelegfirstthenturnitbackwardsothatyourpinkyfacesforwardandyourpalmfacesouttotheside
3 InhaleasyoumoveyourarmforwardandupStopafterthearmpassesslightlybehindtheheadandholdyourbreathfeelingtheslightstretchinthepectoralmuscles
4 OpenyourmouthrelaxyourtongueandwhileexhalingletthearmdropbackanddownwhileemittinganldquoaaahrdquosoundAvoidbumpingyourlegwithyourarmasitdropsdowninafreefallAllowthearmtonaturallystopswinging
SemifastForm
1 Afteranumberofrepetitionsoftheslowformbendyourkneesslightlyandrotateyourarmcontinuouslyatmediumspeedfollowingthesamemotionasbefore
2 AllowforaquickinhalationthroughthenosefollowedbytheldquoaaahrdquosoundasyoucontinuouslyrotateyourarmMakesureyourarmrotatescontinuouslyAvoidholdingyourbreathasyoudidbeforeAvoidbobbingupanddownkeepyourkneesbentthroughout
FastForm
1 Increasethespeeduntilyourotatethearmasfastasyoucanwhilecontinuingtobreathemdashmorerapidlynowmdashandmakingtheldquoaaahrdquosound
2 Stopthemovementstraightenthekneesandconnectwithanyemotionsorfeelingsthatmightarisewithclosedeyes
Youmightexperiencepain inyourfingertips If thepain istoointenseyoumayholdyourarmuprightandallowthebloodtoflowawayfromtheextremitieswhichreleasesanypainalmost immediately Please also consider bearing with the pain because it might be aneffectivemetaphorforyourwillingnesstowithstandthepainofgrief
LeftArm
1 Repeatasfortherightarm
BothArms
1 Facebothpalmsoutwiththepinkiesfacingforward
2 Inhaleasyoumovebotharmsforwardandup
3 StopthemovementwhenthearmspassslightlybehindyourheadHoldyourbreathfeelingtheslightstretchinbothpectoralmuscles
4 Openyourmouthrelaxyourtongueandwhileexhalingletthearmsdropbackanddownwhileemittinganldquoaaahrdquosound
SemifastForm
1 Afteranumberofrepetitionsoftheslowformbendyourkneesslightlyandrotateboth
armscontinuouslyatmediumspeedfollowingthesamemotionasbefore
FastForm
1 Increasethespeeduntilyourotatethearmsasfastasyoucanwhilecontinuingwiththefastbreathandtheldquoaaahrdquosound
2 Stopthemovementstraightenthekneesandconnectwithanyemotionsorfeelingsthatmightarisewithclosedeyes
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10timeswhenperformingtheslowversionnolessthan10 times when performing the semifast and fast versions A better recommendationhoweverisforyoutosimplyself-regulatetherepetitionssincecountingthemcandistractfromtheupsurgeofemotionalcontent
Benefits
Itunblockstheheartchakraoxygenatingandrelaxingthepectoralmuscleswhileallowingthefeelingsandemotionstofindawaytothesurfaceofyourbodyandyourconsciousness
Itenhancestheupper-pectoralbreathincreasingthelungsrsquocapacitytoreceiveair
Itincreasesbloodcirculationtotheupperthorax
Ithelpsreleasetightnessintheneckandlessenthesensationoffeelingchoked
Itincreasesageneralfeelingofaliveness
Itincreasesthesensationinthesolesofyourfeetallowingadeeperfeelingofgrounding
Precautions
EnsurethattheneckremainsrelaxedandtheheadstaysstraightthroughouttheexerciseAvoidtiltingtheheadinanydirection
Keepyourkneesbent(whenpracticingthesemifastandfastforms)toreducelower-backimpact
Bearinmindthatalldegreesofpracticemdashfromvisualizationtofullperformancemdashareeffective
Remembernottobreakthestraightlineofyourpostureasyouexhaleandbringthearmsdown
Donottwistthebodytothesideorrotateitwhiledroppingthearmsdownasyouexhale
Contraindications
ThosesufferingfromrotatorcuffndashrelatedconditionsshouldonlyvisualizetheWindmillorperformitinawaythatdoesnotpromotepainIfpainappearsstopmovementthentryasimplerlessinvolvedvariation
ThesemifastandfastmovementsshouldbeperformedwithcarerespectingtheinherentlimitationswithregardtoanypreexistingconditionssuchasneckshoulderorbackinjuriesoraheartconditionIfanyofthesemovementspromotemorethanslightpainorifyouhavedoubtsaboutwhethertheyareappropriateforyouatthistimepleaseconsultamedicalprofessionalbeforeperformingthisexercise
TheWindmillhelpsactivatethepectoralmuscleswhilehelpingthescapulaeto rotate unlockingour emotional armor and relieving tension in the shoulderarea As the tense muscles start to loosen our perceptions change as buriedemotionsstartmigratingfromstuckplacesinthebody
The nature of the Windmill exercise is active I feel it is important toemphasize that although it is natural to resist the emotions these movementsmightbringupworkingthroughthemistheonlywaytotransformgrief
PracticingtheWindmillproveshelpfulforwhatwasoncetenselockedandshutawaytobecomeopenanddynamicYouareinvitedtomeetyourselffullywhenyouactivate thispartofyourbodyenhancing thepotential toalteryourperceptionofyourpreviouslyheldbeliefs
Justlikekidsthinktheyareinvisiblewhentheyhidebehindtheirownhandswhileplayingpeek-a-booweplayanadultversionofthegamebythinkingthatbynotnamingourfeelingsandignoringthemwedonrsquotfeelthemWeknowthateverybody can see the little kid behind his hands and in a similar way ourhigherselfcanseewhatwedonrsquotwanttoacknowledgeaspartofourexperienceHowcanwechange somethingwhenwedonrsquot know it is thereHowcanweconsciouslytransformabeliefifwearenotawareofit
Moving through thepainofgrief is anessential taskFeeling thepainandbecomingfamiliarwith it is thefirststepNextweconsciouslyworkwith thepainandtransformitthroughouractionsRememberthatyouhavenotactuallycreatedanyfeelingsbypracticingtheWindmilltheyarealreadythereinsideofyou
Theshortmomentofretentionofthein-breathallowsforanopportunitytomatchthebodyrsquospresentenvironmentofoverchargedfeelingsandtension thatyouaregoingthroughinlifeanditpreparesthesystemforthesubsequentreliefwhenswingingthearmbackanddownTheldquoaaahrdquosoundinducesyourabilitytoexpressyourselftogetthingsoffyourchestSoundhelpsopenthepathwaystowarda full expressionof theemotionsassociatedwith the loss andwith thenew situation that results Because grieving individuals need to be heardopening the avenues of communication both with yourself and others is veryimportantTheUniversebehavesaswavesusingsoundcanhelpyoubegin to
modifyyourrealityonacosmiclevelYourabilitytospeakyourtruthreshapesthecircumstancesthatcomposeyournewreality
DuringtimesofgriefacknowledgingwhereweareinrelationtoourprocesscanbechallengingProbablyinfusedbythesocietalawkwardnessaroundgriefmdashthe fact that nobody wants to talk about itmdashwe too feel awkward and notnecessarilycomfortableexposingourachingheartsshowingourtruepainThispromotes isolation and enhances the feeling that no one can understand usWhileitistruethatnotwoindividualsgrieveinthesamewayitisalsotruethatthereareuniversaltraitstoeveryonersquosgriefandsharinginthisprocesscanbeofimmense assistance at this time Being able to speak about your realitywhengrievingcanhelpyouemotionallyaccepttherealityofthelossThisisliberatingin itself provided that the other is a good listener What is a good listenerSomeone who is receptive accepting and willing to just listen and not giveadvicesomeonewhoisnotapttogiveflippantanswerssuchasldquoDonrsquotworryyoursquollbeallrightrdquo
SomeprefertheslowformoftheWindmillbecauseitismorepleasantthanthesemifastandfastformsPreferablythefasterformsofthetechniqueshouldbe practiced with supervision and closely monitored by an experienced andseasoned yoga therapist or even better by a competent body-orientedpsychotherapistTheelevatedenergetictoneofboththesemifastandfastformsoftenevokeveryintensefeelingsThewillingnessandreadinesstoexposeyourdeepestdefensemechanismsdemands increasedcaution compassion andcaretowardyourself
I have seen many yoga practitioners having breakthroughs with theWindmill tapping into their own unmasked hearts at times exhilarated bymerelywitnessingtheirownrichpaletteoffeelingsothertimesoverwhelmedbythe intensityof itallBecause theconsequencescanbevery intense I suggestusingtheslowformonlyatfirstYoumaywanttoleavetheothertwospeedsforatimewhenyoucanpracticewithproperguidanceandareemotionallypreparedtoworkwithwhatarisesWhileitistruethatyouwanttofaceyouremotionalrealityyoumustdosoinawaythatisfeasibleandproductiveforgrowth
The imageof awindmill using thepowerof thewind to grindgrains intoflourisasavalidanalogyasitexemplifiestheprocessofworkingthroughourown grief Transforming the hardness of the process into something we canderivenurturancefrommirrorsthehardshellonthegrainThemillingturnsthehardness into something thatwecanuseBy releasingour armoredpostureofprotectionwegainaccesstothehiddengemwrittenaboutearlierinthischapterChapter6furtheraddressestheaspectsofsuchatransformation
LetGoThe Attitude of Discharging exercise offers an extraordinary outlet for yourheightened feelings brought to consciousness after practicing the WindmillNow stirred up your emotions are available and accessible for creativeexternalization
ThisasanademonstrateshowyogacanbeusedtoaddressissuesattheircorebyhelpingindividualsdischargeunwantedfeelingsInsteadofofferingspecificantidotes foreach feelingweefficientlyassumeanattitudeof lettinggo tobeappliedtoanyandallfeelings
ThequestiongrievingindividualsaskmostoftenisldquoWhatdoIdowiththesefeelingsrdquoEventhoughfeelingsaretobefeltitistruethatmostofuswanttodosomething with them In the words of JWilliamWorden ldquoSadness must beaccompaniedbyanawarenessofwhatonehaslostangerneedstobeproperlyand effectively targeted guilt needs to be evaluated and resolved and anxietyneedstobeidentifiedandmanagedrdquo(200996)
Onceyouidentifyyourfeelingsyoucanassesswhatactionsareneededtoaddress them The following asana allows you to discharge negative andunpleasant feelings or perhaps to discharge those that prevent you fromaccessing the positive feelings you awaken by practicing the Windmill andwouldliketoexperiencemoredeeply
AttitudeofDischarging(UtthitaLolasana)
1 Standwithlegsapartfeetparallelandkneesbent
2 Onaninhalebringthearmsforwardandupthenbendbackwardmovingthepelvisforwardandtiltingtheheadback
3 Holdyourbreathattheendoftheinhalation
4 Openyourmouthrelaxthetongueandthenwhileexhalingswingtheupperbodyforwardanddownuntilcomingtoacompleterelaxationoftheupperbodyandemittinganldquoaaahrdquosound
5 WhileinhalingmovethearmsforwardandupRepeat
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10times
Benefits
Ittonesthespinalnerves
Itmassagesthevitalorgans
Itstretchesthehamstringsandbackmuscles
Itimproveslymphaticmovementanddrainagefromtheabdomenandbaseofthelungsallowingforanimprovedfullerbreath
Itstimulatesbloodflowtothebrain
Itfacilitatesdischargeofferingfeelingsandemotionalsensationsawayout
Precautions
Keepthekneesbentatalltimesincludingattheendoftheinhalationwhenyouarebentbackward
Makesuretheheadandarmscometoafullrelaxationaftereachdownwardswingingmovementwhenperformingtheregularversion
Contraindications
ThisasanashouldbemodifiedifpracticedbypeoplesufferingfromvertigoInthiscaseavoidplacingtheheaddown
Peoplewithhighbloodpressureshouldavoidthecompleteversionoftheasanalimitingtheforward-downmovementwiththeuppertorso
Thosesufferingfrombackconditionsparticularlyinthelowerbackneedtomonitorpainespeciallywhencomingupafterthedownwardswingingmovement
Thedifficultmomentofbendingbackwardattheendoftheinhalationmightmirror an equally challenging moment during bereavement that of feelingexposed awkward imbalancedvulnerableThe forcefuldownwardmovementoffersanopportunitytoreleasethoseembodiedfeelings
Irsquovefoundthreevariationsofthisposturetobeparticularlyhelpfultothosewhoaregrieving
The first variation includesperforming the technique in a continuous fashion andwith noretention of the in-breath at the end of each inhalation Always keep your knees bent toavoid locking them in an attempt to control the heightened intensity of feelings In mypractice Irsquove found that active people andmen in particular usually enjoy this variationbecause of its enhanced active component The constant use of the ldquoaaahrdquo sound alsotendstoresonatewithmenwhousuallyprefergrowlingouttheiremotionstotalkingaboutthem
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10times
AsecondvariationentailsldquoplacingrdquotheparticularfeelingyouneedtodischargeinthepalmsofyourhandsAsyoumoveforwardanddownvisualizethatemotionbeingreleasedintothe earth Holding the feeling in the palms helps the mind concretize the feeling andenhancestheintensityandfocusofthedischarge
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10times
A third variation has your hands making full contact with the floor at the end of theexhalationwith the ldquoaaahrdquosoundsustainedAvoid tapping thehandson the floor ratherkeep the full contact for as long as you are exhaling and emitting the ldquoaaahrdquo soundVisualizepushingthefeelingsforcefullyintothehotmagmaatthecenteroftheearthAllowthe upper body to fully lean on the hands and intensify the push imagining the emotiontravelingathighspeedandmeltingintotheearthrsquoscoreRememberthatmeltingsomethingdoes not get rid of it it merely changes its form In a similar way our feelings cannotdisappearbutinsteadcanbetransformedwithintentiontimeandwork
Suggestednumberofrepetitions3times
IfyouarecompromisedinyourbodilycapacitytoperformthisexercisebesafeandonlyengageuptoyourlimitorpracticebyvisualizingthetechniqueIrsquove evenproposed this exercise to people confined to awheelchair engagingonlytheupperbodyarmsandheadasavariationofthisposture
After performing such an intense asana we are now ready to move to aquietercalmerpracticetocontinueworkingwithourgrief
SleepBetterandAwakentoaNewPerspectiveThetechniquethatfollowsisusefultohelpbalancethepinealglandBecauseofitsinvolvementinregulatingthefunctionsoftheotherendocrineglandsthisisagoodway to reset the endocrine system in its entirety This exercise can helpindividualsstrengthentheirprotectionfromforeignagentsandavoidtherelapseofpreexistingconditionsthatoftenoccursatthisvulnerabletimeThisisduetothe relationship between the endocrine system and the immune systemparticularlyatthethymusglandThepinealglandisoftenheavilytaxedduringthegriefprocess and the insomniamanygrieversexperiencemdashor itsoppositeoversleepingmdashis the result of an imbalance in the melatonin it producesEngaging the optic nerves is a way of addressing this disturbance since theglandreactstolightregisteredthroughthesenerves
ConcentratedGazing(Tratak)
1 SitcomfortablyandextendyourrightarmwithyourfistclosedandyourthumbpointingupthethumbnailfacingyouIfyouneedsupportforthearmplacetheclosedfistofyourlefthandattherightarmpitYoumayalsobendtherightkneeanduseyourkneetosupportthearm
2 Locateadistantobject(atleast10feetaway)ateyelevelasafocalpointandplaceyourthumbnailwithinthelineofvisionbetweenyoureyesandthedistantobjectoffocusTheobjectbeingfocusedonshouldberelativelysmallsuchasadoorknobarockoradrawnblackdot
3 Focusonyourthumbnailfor1minute
4 Shiftyourfocustothedistantobjectfor1minute
5 Shiftbacktoyourthumbnail
6 Repeattheprocessofswitchingthefocus3times(6timesintotal)Avoidblinkingthroughouttheexerciseifyoucan
Suggestedtime Including1minuteof focusandthreeswitchesbetweenfocalpoints thepracticetakes6minutes
Benefits
ItstimulatestheopticnerveswhichpromptsthefunctionsofthepinealglandTheresultingbalancedlevelsofmelatonintendtoregulatemanybiorhythmsincludingthesleep-wakecycle
Ithelpsregulatestressbyinfluencingthefight-or-flightreactionandmodulatesthe
immunesystem
Itincreasesnervousstabilityremovesinsomniaandrelaxestheanxiousmind
Itimprovesthememoryandhelpstodevelopgoodconcentrationandstrongwillpower
Spirituallyitawakensajnachakra
Precautions
Alwaysavoidunnecessarystrain
Betolerantofdifferentexperiencessuchasseeingtwothumbsortwodistantfocalpointsmdashtheseexperienceschangewithtime
Contraindications
Thosesufferingfromglaucomashouldbesensitivetopainandmodifythepracticeasneededbyreducingthetimefocusingorthenumberofchangesbetweenfocalpoints
Many practitioners report falling asleep before completing a full round ofConcentrated Gazing With steady practice cosmic rhythms soothe the bodyhelping it remember when to sleep and when to stay awake The wisdom ofhealthy grieving lives more in the Spirit than in the mindWorking with thepineal gland is important for its connection with ajna chakra the third eyewhere we view life through awakened intuitive knowledge Our Spirit knowsthatthingsendandourbodiesareaccustomedtoprocessingendingsconstantlyyetitisourmindsthatwantthethingsweareattachedtotobewithusforever
ConcentratedGazingalsooffersasymbolicopportunity to takea lookathowwewant totransition through the next steps of our lives The two focal points one close and onedistant serve as symbols of the situations we go through when grievingWhen the oldrealityisnotthereanylongerandthenewoneisnotyetknownourcontrollingmindshavea hard time waiting The negative anticipatory thinking indicative of the limbic systemrsquosinvolvement ingriefmakesusperceivetheprojectednewrealitynegatively It fillsuswithideassuchasthinkingthatnoonewillloveusasmuchorthatnojobwilleversuitusinthesamewayThatmightbetrueorcompletelyfalseandwecanrsquotknowyetInthemeantimewe can only trust the journey and accept that changewill come Shifting focus from thethumbnail (our present situation) to the chosen distant point (the new reality to bediscovered)symbolizesthejourneyahead
DecidingonwhatcouldbethedistantfocalpointcanbeveryusefulindeterminingthenextstepsofthejourneyYoucanchooseapicturerepresentativeofhowyouwouldliketofeelinthefutureorthehouseyouwouldliketohaveorthejobyouwouldliketogetPlaceitinthedistancesowhenyouswitchtothatfocalpointyouareaddingintentionandmeaningtoyourpracticeDecidingwheretostartandwheretoend(with thedistantorclosefocalpoint)canaddstrengthtoyourabilitytomeetyourselfwhereyouareandtoyourprecisionindefiningyourfuture
Sometimes the eyesget tiredor strainedwhenpracticing this technique Ifthishappensrubthepalmsofyourhandstogetherthenbringthecuppedhandstoyoureyesandenjoythewarmthanddarknessthatcansoothethem
After acknowledging the reality of your loss identifyingwhere you are inthepresentmomentandbeginningtounderstandwhereyouwouldliketobeinthe futureyoucanpracticea technique thathelpsyoucontrolyour immediateenvironmentandeffectivelycalmsthemind
ControlIsSomehowPossibleOneoftherealitiesofgrief is that inmostcases thelosswasprobablyoutofourcontrolEvenwhenthelossistheresultofachoicethesubsequentsufferingisoftenunavoidableIfwehadcompletecontrolwewouldneverloseanythingnorwouldwechoosetosuffer
When confronting the challenges of grief themind and the body both gothrough symptoms thatmimic our discomfortwhen facedwith loss of control(difficultybreathingmuscletensionetc)Byactivelyengagingbothmindandbody through yoga exercises we can immediately bring back some sense ofcontrolintoourlivesOurmostimmediateconnectiontolifeisourbreathandbringingbalancetoitcanbeachievedbypracticingAlternate-NostrilBreathing
Alternate-NostrilBreathing(NadiShodhanaPranayama)
YoumaynotknowitbuttherightnostrilandtheleftnostrilrarelycarrythesameamountofairTrythissimpleexerciselickyourindexfingerinhaleandbringyourfingerclosetoyourrightnostrilwhileexhalingthenrepeatwiththeothernostrilWellUnlessyouareindeepbalanceatthistimeoneofthemcarriesmoreairthantheother
1 Sitinacomfortablepositionwiththeheadandspineuprightandtheleftarmbentoveryourbellysothattherightelbowcanrestontheleftforearm
2 HoldthefingersofyourrighthandinfrontofyourfaceResttheindexandmiddlefingersgentlyonthecenteroftheeyebrowsBothfingersshouldberelaxedPositionthethumbnexttotherightnostrilandtheringfingernexttotheleftnostrilThelittlefingershouldbecomfortablyfolded
3 Inhalethenclosetheleftnostrilwiththeringfingerandexhalethroughtherightnostril
4 Inhalethroughthesamerightnostril
5 Unblocktheleftnostrilandclosetherightonewiththethumb
6 Exhalethroughtheleftnostril
7 Inhalethroughthesamenostriltheleft
8 Unblocktherightnostrilandclosetheleftonewithyourringfinger
9 Exhalethroughtherightnostrilandinhalethroughthesamenostril
10 Continuethealternationonlychangingnostrilsaftertheinhalation
Suggested time5minutesofAlternate-NostrilBreathingplus5minutesofSingle-NostrilBreathingifdesired
Benefits
Itinducestranquilityclarityofthoughtandconcentration
Itincreasesvitalityandlowerslevelsofstressandanxietybybalancingtheflowoflifeforce
Itclearslifeforceblockagesandbalancestheflowinbothnostrils
Carbondioxideisefficientlyexpelledandthebloodispurifiedoftoxins
Itpromotesspiritualawakening
Precautions
Avoidforcingthebreath
Donotbreathethroughthemouth
SometimesonenostrilmaybeblockedpreventingtheeasyflowofbreathIftherightnostrilisblockedmakeafistwithyourlefthandandplaceitunderyourrightarmpitPressupagainsttheunderarmbringingyourrightarmdownContinuetopracticethiswayfor3minutesThenremovethehandRepeatfortheleftsideasnecessary
Contraindications
None
In yoga the right nostril relates to the sun masculinity activity givingdaytime extroversion social life partying The left relates to the moonfemininity passivity receiving nighttime introversion spiritual life restingWhen experiencing anxiety your right nostril is more engaged the oppositeoccurs when you are depressed or depletedmdashthe left nostril carries more airMaking the air go through both nostrils alternately brings your system into amorebalancedrelationshipbetweenyouractiveandpassiveaspectsoftheselfinfluencingthewayyouexperience thepresentsituation ItallowsthemindtocalmandtapintothealternationofallthingsThiscanhelpyoutrustthateventhoughyouarenowanxiousyouwilleventuallyrelaxandifyouaresadyouwilleventuallybehappyagain
The rightnostril also corresponds to the sympathetic energizingbranchofthe autonomic nervous system The left nostril is related to the relaxingparasympatheticbranchthatusuallyprevailswhenoneisgrievingBalancingtheactivity of these two aspects of your nervous system reestablishes the lost
equilibrium regulating your functions and balancing your reactions This isassuredlyamuchmorestablewaytorespondtoyournewenvironment
Practicingbreathingthroughasinglenostrilmdashprovidedthatitrsquosnotdoneformore than 5 minutesmdashcan bring surprising changes to your emotional stateenergizing you when yoursquore feeling depressed and calming you when yoursquorefeelinganxiousMentallyyoucangainamorepositiveperspectiveorcalmtheconstantchatterof thoughtswithAlternate-NostrilBreathingGiven thepowerofthistechniquethedirectiveofdoingamaximumof5minutesrsquoworkwithonenostrilistobetakenseriouslyPleaseknowthatexceeding5minutesrsquotimecanresult in difficulties negotiating the altered state and rebalancing your energyproperly
In general retaining the breath either in or out is another possiblemanipulationofthebreathwhenpracticingpranayamaOnapsychologicallevelithelpsusperceiveanddealwithtwooppositetypesofanxietiesretainingthein-breathrelatestotheanxietyweexperiencerelatedtolifetoitsfullnesstoitsintensityretainingtheout-breathrelatestoourfeelingsaboutdeathingeneraland particularly our own deathsWhile practicingAlternate-NostrilBreathingnotice if you are holding your breath at the end of the inhalation or theexhalationandseeifitrelatestoyourfeelings
Voluntarilymanipulatingtheactiveandpassivewithinyouhelpsyouacceptthat change is the norm that all things fluctuate and that change is possiblewithinyourselfNomatterwhereyouareinyourgrievingprocessyouwillnotbe in the same place in the future regardless of what things look like in thepresent moment Switching willingly from one nostril to the other andwitnessingthechangehelpsyourmindintegratethenewsituationaspartofyourever-changinglife
After witnessing the varying symptoms of grief and starting to use yourbreathtobringbackasenseofcontrolyouarenowreadytofullyrelax
BringingCalmtoaScatteredMindandaDistressedBody
GriefisstressfulThereforeastateofrelaxationiscrucialandyetthisstateisdifficulttoaccessmostofthetimeThestress-relievingeffectsofyogaaresomeofthemoststudiedfeaturesofthedisciplineandareveryusefulwhengrievingEven though any relaxation technique could work and would be good myintention in including a self-relaxation technique is to empower individuals to
use their ownmeans to relaxThe first lesson of loss is to not depend on thepermanenceof thingsmdashwhich iswhyanexternal sourceof relaxation suchassoothingmusicoraguidedrelaxationonaDVDwhilebeneficialwouldnotusethenewlyacquiredinformationtoourmaximumbenefit
Self-RelaxationTechnique(AngaShaithilya)
1 LieonyourbackwithyourpalmsfacingupBringyourawarenesstothebreathFindthenaturalrhythmofyourbreathbreathinginandoutslowlyandsteadilythroughthenostrils
2 Nowbringtheawarenesstoyourfeet
3 Inhaleexhale
4 InhaleexhalerepeatingtoyourselfsilentlyldquoMyfeetarerelaxedrdquo
5 Bringawarenesstoyourlegs
6 InhaleexhaleWhileexhalingrepeatsilentlytoyourselfldquoMylegsarerelaxedrdquo
7 Bringawarenesstoyourpelvis
8 InhaleexhaleWhileexhalingrepeatsilentlytoyourselfldquoMypelvisisrelaxedrdquo
9 ContinuethepracticebyrepeatingthesamepatternforHands
Arms
Shoulders
Back
Torso
Neck
Face
Head
Mind
10 EndbyrepeatinginternallyldquoIamcompletelyrelaxedrdquothreetimes
Suggestedtime10minutes
Benefits
Itrelaxesthebody
Ithelpsthemindrelax
Itcombatsthestressfuleffectsofgrief
Itreplenishesthegeneralenergylevelofthebodycombatingfatigue
Precautions
Doyourbesttomemorizethetwelvebodypartsincludedinthetechniquetoavoiddistractionswhilepracticingit
Contraindications
None
Using a technique that offers relaxation with deep detailed awareness ofoneself and that is grounded in the rhythm of the breath is a great way tointegrate other exercises of the practice in the relaxation Notice that thisexercise follows the samebodyorder as theEnergyFlowSeriesOpening thepracticewiththedirectivetostayconnectedwithyourbreathrhythmisanotherformofBreathMeditationTherepetitionofldquoMy___________isarerelaxedrdquoisnothingotherthantheactivepracticeofResolve(seethefollowingexercise)
Be prepared to hear the mind voicing statements such as ldquoI canrsquot relaxbecause Ihave to rememberwhatpart isnextrdquoTo remedy thismemorize thepartsbeforepracticingandyoucanavoidthisinterruptionThistechniquehelpswithmanyofthesymptomsofgriefincludingphysicalpainItgivesthebodyanopportunity to take a rest from the depleting hyperactive symptoms of theemotionalstressandreplenishitselfRelaxingthebodyalsohelpsthemindcalmdownandreducetheconstantmentalchatterallowingyoutofocusonplantingtheseedsofyournewlifethroughResolve
DissolvingOldPatternsandReprogrammingtheMindwithIntention
Yoga acknowledges the principle of pronoia a neologism coined by modernphilosophersexpressinganoldtruthItstatesthattheUniverseisconspiringinour highest good This is the polar opposite of paranoia which in essenceinvolvesthebeliefthattheUniverseisconspiringagainstus
Formostofhumanity thelatterconceptprevailsasanaccuratedescriptionof a world that is not at all supportive and comes after us loaded withjeopardizingintentionsYogarecognizesthisasfalseandmakesitclearthatthewholeprocessstartswithanideainourmindYogastatesldquoWecreatethemoldandthentheUniverseisinchargeoffillingituprdquo
Resolve(Sankalpa)
ThetranslationofthewordsankalpaisldquoresolverdquoorldquoresolutionrdquoItreferstotheapplicationofwillpowerthroughaconsciousdecision-makingprocessIttakestheformofashortmentalstatementwhichisimprintedbyrepetitiononthesubconsciousmindSankalpainfluencesthewaythingsaretohappenwithdeterminationandintention
Thestatementrepresentsamoldthatoncecreatedallowsfor theprovidentialpowersoftheUniversetohelpmanifestationoccurRememberyouaretheonlyoneactuallycapableofmakingyourownmoldThewordsankalpareferstoboththenameofthetechniqueaswellasthecontentofthestatementitself
1 Thinkoftheperfectwayinwhichyouwantanintentiontomanifestandthenstateitinasuccinctphrasethat
isexpressedinpresenttense
avoidsusingthewordldquonordquoortermsthatexpressnegativeconceptsForexampleldquoIwillnotbesinglerdquoshouldbereplacedwithldquoIammarriedrdquo
2 SitcomfortablywithyourhandsonyourkneesBreathenormallyacknowledginganyoutsidethoughtthatarisesandletitgoInhalethenontheexhalesayyourstatementtoyourselfbeingfullypresentwitheachindividualwordofthestatement(Youmaypauseaftereachword)
3 TakeadeepbreathandmovetothenextrepetitionWithyoureyesclosedcontinuerepeatingyourstatementThenbreatheinandoutoncewithoutrepeatingthestatementWhendoneopenyoureyes
Suggestednumberofrepetitions3times
TheconceptthistechniquereferstoisinthecoreoftheoldsayingldquoAskandyeshallbegivenrdquotowhichIrsquodliketoaddldquoifitisintheorderofthingsrdquoWhy
ManypeopleaskforthingsthatarenotwithintheUniversalorderandthenblamethesystemratherthanacknowledgingthattheirignoranceoftheorderistherealreasonthingsdidnotmanifestByldquotheorderrdquoImeanthesystematicandpreciseway inwhich thingswork in theUniverseand that is reflected insuchtruthsasldquoNothing ispermanentrdquoAll thingsend regardlessofwhetherwearethinking of a vase a day or a thought Without this acknowledgment whenasking for something to remain themechanism sparked by sankalpa will notworkandtheUniversewillnotsupportourpetitionIfIrsquomfifty-fourIcanaskforldquoyouthfulfiftiesrdquobutIcanrsquotasktobefifteenagainmdashitsimplywonrsquothappen
Byclearlyidentifyingwhattoaskforandhowtophraseitweengageinasimplewayofjump-startingtheprocessofmanifestationEventhoughmostofushavewantsitissurprisinglyhardforpeopletoactuallyexpresstheirwishesinanexactwayInmyyearsofusingResolveIhavehadtoworkdiligentlytohelp individuals identifywhat theywantbyspendinghourssorting throughallkindsofmisunderstandingsoldprogrammingandstalebeliefs
Prior to identifyingwhat wewant we usually namewhat we donrsquot wantwhat we fear why we should not want it and so forth This means that ourmindsareabsolutelyfullofalltheseotherconsiderationsandinthemeantimetheUniverseisbusyfillingupthecorrespondingmoldsasitcompetentlydoes
Thisiswhywemanifestwhatwefearandthisisalsohowwemanifestwhatwe donrsquotwantAs youmight know ldquoYou can never get enough ofwhat youreallydonrsquotwantrdquoIfyourmentalprogrammingmdashandcreatedmoldmdashisldquoIrsquomnotgoingtoget that jobrdquoorldquoIrsquodlovetoget that jobbut therearesomanyotherswho are better preparedrdquo then the Universe will accommodate you with anopportunity of losing that job It might seem like an extremely minusculesemanticdeviationbuttheconsequencesresultingfromsuchmisunderstandingsare also extremely clear (See the sidebar that follows ldquoAiding the PracticeThroughJournalingrdquoforaneffectiveapproachtonamingwhatwewant)
TosayldquoIamnotunhappyrdquoisverydifferentfromsayingldquoIamhappyrdquoandbelieveme theUniverse is listeningpreciselyTounderstandwhyprecision isimportantletmesharewithyouanoldstoryfromIndia
AidingthePracticeThroughJournaling
As a simple exercise think about what you want and write yourstatementdescribingitthencontinuetowritedowneachmodificationof the statement as you develop it Make no judgments write no
ldquoshouldsrdquomdashjust write what comes up You will probably see apathway amental roadmap that you have been following thatwillrevealyourmisconceptionsKeepinmindthatwhenyouarriveattheldquorightrdquo statement a subtle ldquoeye-smilerdquo appears a slightwidening ofyour forehead accompanied by a sense of ldquoEurekaThis is itrdquoThatfeelingisclearlyidentifiablenoquestionsaskednodoubtsaboutitmdashit is resonating inside of you as accurate Until that ahamoment ofrecognitionkeepworkingonyourauthenticexpressionyourpersonalResolve Know that you are actually working on your innermostwishesandthatyouareultimatelydeterminingyourfuture
After you have come up with your statement and you arepracticingrepeatingitIsuggestyoualsojournaltheinternalresponsesandconsiderationsyourmindcomesupwithItisnormaltolistentotheinternalvoicechallengingyourstatementswithphrasesthatdenotethe adverse reality the one you are trying to modify Since themanifestation process is happening regardless if the statement is ldquoIhaveapartnerrdquo and themindcomesupwith ldquoYouare lyingnoonewouldloveyourdquotheideamoldreadytobefilledupisthelatterYoumaydiscoverthatwhatrsquoswrittenactuallyrevealsyourpresentmentalprogrammingthatyouarereallynotworthloving
Byattendingtoyourbodycalmingyourmindandexploring thenatureofyourdesiresonadeeperlevelyouarenowtrulyreadytogowithin to practiceBreathMeditation and leave everything up to theUniverse
AcouplebothagesixtyandstillmarriedafterfortyyearsfindagenielampWhentheyrubitthegenieappearsandcomestolifeThegeniespeaksldquoLadyyourwishesshallbegrantedWhatwouldyoulikerdquo
ldquoIwantenoughmoneytogoaroundtheworldtwicewithmyhusbandrdquothewoman responds In an instant the geniemanifests a briefcase full of enoughmoneyforthebothofthemtogoaroundtheworldtwice
ThegeniethenturnstothegentlemanandsaysldquoSiryourwishestooshallbegrantedWhatwouldyoulikerdquo
ldquoIrsquod like to have a wife thirty years younger than merdquo replies theopportunistThegeniethenrespondsbyturningthemanintoaninety-year-old
Thelessonofthisstoryistobeveryclearandprecisewhenaskingforwhatyou want otherwise you may end up getting what you really donrsquot want
Resolve is the mechanism that kick-starts the process of manifestationThoughtfully identifying and defining an idea can and will act as a guidingprinciple a lighthouse in the darkness of your emotional storm Then youractionsthoughtsandspeechcanaimintheproperdirectionandstartbringingtofruitionwhatuntilnowhaslivedonlywithintherealmofyourwishes
OpeningtoSpiritThismeditationtechniquecanbeseenasthesimplestofallbreathingexercisesthebasisofallourworkBesidesthespiritualbenefitsandeffectsstayingwithyourownbreathisapowerfulwayofbeingpresentandindeepconnectionwithyourlifenotdrawninbythepastorcontemplatingthefuture
BreathMeditation
1 Sitinacomfortablepositionwiththespinestraightandthehandsrestingonyourkneeswiththepalmsfacingupward
2 Staystill
3 BringawarenesstoyourbreathFeeltheairgoinginandoutsoftlythroughyournostrils
4 Remainpresentforeachinhalationandeachexhalation
5 AstheminddriftsoffbringitbacktoyourbreathAsifyouareplacingpaperboatsonastreamofwaterplacethedistractingthoughtsintheoutgoingstreamoftheexhalation
6 Remainconcentratedonyourbreathandonlyonyourbreathexhalingeachdistractingthought
Suggestedtime5to10minutes
AlthoughitisanextremelysimpletechniquetheexecutioncanprovetobequitedifficultYourabilitytoremainconcentratedonthebreathispermanentlychallengedbyyourveryactivebodyandunstoppablemindYoucanstartfullofintentionandfindyourselfoutonalimbafteronlyafewbreathcycles
Fortunatelyyourbreathisconstantandyourneedtotakethenextin-breathisunavoidablesobringingthemindbacktothebreathisrelativelysimpleKeepcomingbacktothebreathwithtimeyoursquollseethatyourdeparturesarescarcerandthatasyoustaywithyourbreathacertainsenseofcalmnessandfulfillmentappears
You are now developing the skill to stay present with yourself to keepyourself company and bring ease when feeling abandoned Irsquove stated beforethat when grieving you should focus first on the Spirit because the body is
profoundlyengagedin its reactionandthemindisshatteredandscatteredForthis reason meditation and its ability to help you connect with your Spiritbecome a key element of the practice Thoughmeditation can be challengingwhenyouareexperiencingacutegriefitisanactivitythatwillgentlyleadyoutothesourceofknowledgeyouintendtotapinto
Now that you have read how to perform each practice and understandgenerallyhowthetechniquesservetoallaysomeofthesymptomsofgriefyouprobablywant to get started and figure out how to incorporate these practicesinto your life There are some important questions to ponder as you start tointegratesomeoftheseexercisesintoapersonalpractice
The next chapter considers what exercises you should include howmuchtime you should spend practicingwhether you should practice by yourself orseek help how long you should practice and other practical detailsWhetheryouareanexperiencedyogapractitionerorjuststartingoutwhetheryouhavejust begun to cope with some of your grief symptoms or at the end of theprocess the next chapter will help you to integrate the techniques into yourpersonalpractice
Chapter5
DesigningtheLogisticalAspectsofYourPractice
There is a famous quote usually attributed to the great German philosopherJohannWolfgangvonGoethe(1749ndash1832)
ldquoUntil one is committed there is hesitancy the chance to draw backConcerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementarytruth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plansthatthemomentonedefinitelycommitsoneselfthenProvidencemovestooAllsortsofthingsoccurtohelponethatwouldneverotherwisehaveoccurredAwhole streamofevents issues from thedecision raising inonersquosfavorallmannerofunforeseenincidentsandmeetingsandmaterialassistancewhichnomancouldhavedreamedwouldhavecomehiswayWhatever you cando or dreamyou cando begin it Boldness hasgeniuspowerandmagicinitrdquo(emphasisadded)
What a beautiful way of presenting the universal principle of pronoia Itexplains the mechanism of manifestation and emphasizes a key aspect tocommit towhatwewantThe resultingactionsactuallyhelp thebrain reshapeitselfthisisneuroplasticityatitsbestThroughthefruitsofourcommitmentwecanestablishnewneuronalconnectionsthatwill leadusnottowherewethinkweshouldbeorwherewedonrsquotdesiretobebutwherewetrulywanttobe
As you now ponder how to implement the techniques I shared in theprevious chapter and embark on your personal practice I ldquore-mindrdquo you thatyourcommitmentisessentialByacceptingyourlimitationsandneedsyouareactually making your commitment feasible Be realistic commit to what youcananddoit
SettingtheIntentionTherearetwophilosophicalconceptsfoundinTheYogaSutrasofPatanjalithatcanbetranslatedasldquopracticerdquoThefirstoneabhyasareferstoamoregeneral
all-encompassing method of practice that involves lifestyle choices thoughtsspeech and actions Abhyasa brings us greater tranquility or peace of mindSadhana thesecondconceptcanalsobedefinedaspracticebut itpertainstothe actual techniques or exercises that are performed on a regular basis toachieve an overall enhancement ofwell-being Taken together these conceptscanhelpusunderstandwhatitmeanstotrulypracticeyoga
As you begin to apply the traditionalmovements breathing exercises andcleansingtechniquessettingasideanhourahalfhourorwhatevertimeyoucandedicatetoestablishingaregularpracticeyoumayrealizethateachbreathcanbe an opportunity for transformation My hope is that as you integrate thesetechniquesintoyourdailylifeyourlifeitselfbecomesthepractice
ShouldYouPracticeAloneorUnderGuidanceJustasyouareasolitarybeinginthemidstofacrowdedcitystreetpracticeispersonalregardlessofhowmanymorearepracticingwithyouInancienttimespracticing yoga based on a book like the one you are reading without livecontactwithateachermasterorguruwasunthinkableEventhoughyogawascommonlypasseddownwithinthecontextofthefamilyfromonegenerationtothe next there is an essential trinity thought to lead to a successful spiritualjourney It includes the individual (you)GodorSpirit and thegurumdashtheonewholeadsthewayafterhavingwalkedithimselfmanytimesbefore
IntodayrsquosworldpeoplemaypracticethroughtheguidanceofabookorbyfollowinginstructionsprovidedonaDVDorahow-tovideoontheInternetItisan essential principle inyoga therapy that the interactionwith a therapistwhocanmonitorthestudentrsquospracticeisanimportantaspectaddingstrengthtothetechniquesandensuringsafetyfortheYogapractitioner
Grief is so powerful that in working with the dynamics activated by theYoga techniques itwould be advisable to seek out a qualified professional atfirst By ldquoqualifiedrdquo I mean either a yoga therapist well versed in griefcounselingoragriefcounseloror therapistknowledgeableaboutyogaand itsuseinthetherapeuticprocessBecauseyogahasbeenembracedbyanumberofprofessionals in recent years other therapists such as social workers hospicenurseschaplainsandotherswhoworkwithgrief-related issuescanbe trustedsources for guiding you through this work Even a financial adviser whounderstandsaboutthephysicalsymptomsofgriefandhowtoaddressthemcanmean the difference between wealth and poverty when for example dealingwithfinancesafteradivorceSuchatherapistmdashwhileencouragingastudentto
practiceathomeencounteringtheldquoteacherwithinrdquomdashwouldalsohelphimorhernavigatethedifficultemotionsencounteredinthegrievingprocess
Yoga practice can be a very subjective experience often having differentresults indifferentsettingsShouldyoudecidetodothepracticeonyourownwithoutprofessionalguidanceremembertobesensitiveandrespectfulofyourneedsandabilitiesMonitor theeffectsof the techniques soyoucanuse themappropriately when needed Tune into the results charting them as a validindicatorofthedevelopmentofyourprocess
IsItBettertoPracticeIndividuallyorinaGroupWhile all yoga is therapeutic yoga therapy thrives on personal individualizedpracticeespeciallyat thebeginningstagesof the therapeuticprocessWorkingwith a qualified therapist familiar with integrating yoga as part of his or hertoolbox is wholeheartedly advised Either in a group setting provided such agroupisavailableinyourcommunityorprivatelychoosewhicheverbettersuitsyourneeds
Workingindividuallyprovidesfocusedattentiontotreatmentoffersinputonadapting your practice to meet specific needs and avoids interference fromothersinaclassOntheotherhandpracticinginagroupallowsyoutowitnessotherbereavedindividualsgrieveinwaysthatmaybebothprofoundlydifferentandstrikinglysimilartoyoursCombatingthetendencytoisolatethisaspectofsocialization can help normalize your relationship to your own grief whileofferingasupportnetwork
InmyYoga forGrief Relief groups all three aspects commonly found intraditional grief support groups are included education support and socialnetworking Education serves the purpose of normalizing grief by sharinggeneralinformationregardingthegrievingprocessWealsolookathowgriefisaddressed in different cultures and time periods Support is establishedwithinthe environment the group provides It encourages authentic communicationregardingourgriefandserves tomodelhealthy interactions tobereplicated inthe outside world The social networking aspect encourages positive personalinteractions that increasewell-being for those of us listening aswell as thosesharingWhenoneisfeelingdepletedandwithoutmuchtogivelendinganeartothoseexpressingtheirgriefcanbeanempoweringexperience
IsItSafetoDoThisPracticebyYourself
MostofthetechniquescanbepracticedsafelyonyourownprovidedyoureadthesectionsdedicatedtocontraindicationsPleaseidentifyanypresentconditionthat may require caution when you practice the exercises This makes atremendousdifferencebetweenan exercisebenefitingyouorbeingharmful toyou
ThatsaidtheWindmillistheoneexerciseforwhichdiscretionmustbeusedwhen practicing alone TheWindmill is a key technique of the program andalthough the slow version is safe for most individuals the semifast and fastversions of the Windmill quickly access deeply held emotions and buriedphysical feelings I suggest that a competent professional trained in thisworkshould monitor both the practice itself as well as the outcomes If you areworkingwithayoga-savvycounselor thenyour therapyprovidesanoutlet forsharing your experience after practicing at home The Windmill is the mostactiveexerciseandtheonebestabletobringstrongfeelingstothesurfaceTheemotionselicitedduringthegrievingprocessare therawmaterialsyouusefortransformation
Someofyoumighthaveanexistingpersonalyogapracticeandwanttoaddsome of my recommended techniques to your routine Although this cancertainlybeeffectivekeepinmindthatthetruestbenefitsofthisprogramoccurwhenpracticedsequentiallyinitsentiretyByexperiencingtheroutinefullyyoucantheneffectivelyassesswhattoaddtoyourpracticeandwhyIfyouchoosetoembarkonasolopractice thenyouneed toconsidersomeof thefollowingimportantlogisticaldetails
WhichExercisesAreBestforMeWhethertoperformtheentirepracticeorpartsofitdependsonwhatyouwouldlike to accomplish howmuch time you have and howmuch knowledge youpossess of yoga and of yourself The entire practice can be accomplished inninety minutes and is inherently balanced covering issues that most grievingindividualsneed
CompleteBreathingpreparesyourmindandbodyfor themagnitudeof thegrievingprocesstheEnergyFlowSeriescreatestheconditionsforhealinganddrawsyourawarenesswithintheWindmillbringsfeelingsandsensationstothesurface sparking the process of transforming your grief into a source of self-knowledge Attitude of Discharging offers an outlet for the raw availableemotions Concentrated Gazing promotes mental focus to restore the normalcircadian rhythms while Alternate-Nostril Breathing offers breath control to
effectivelybringbalanceandcalmtoyourmindTheSelf-RelaxationTechniquehelps decrease the stressful effects of grief allowing optimal conditions forreprogramming your mind through Resolve which uses the newly acquiredknowledgetobegintoconstructanewidentityFinallyyouarereadytositstillinmeditationtodeepentheconnectionwithyourSpirit
Practicing the entire sequence offers you the exponential effect of thecombinedbenefitsofthetechniquesYetyoumaybebetteroffpracticingonlycertainpartsasyoubegintofamiliarizeyourselfwiththeworkMakesureyoucheckwithyourphysicianbeforeengaginginpracticekeepinmindthatyogatherapyisnotasubstituteformedicalattention
Becomingfamiliarwitheachtechniqueanditseffectsonyougivesyoutheconfidence to choose which one works for what is troubling you Again Ireiterateyourmindisbestaddressedthroughbreathworkyourbodyishelpedmost by physical postures and your Spirit thrives with meditation YogatechniquesinfluenceallthreeaspectsofyourbeingYoucanchoosefromeachrealm and come up with a combination that best suits your personal journeyTrustyourinstinctandinnerwisdomtoguideyou
WhereShouldIPracticeWhile it is true thatyogaisbestpracticedinacleanandcalmenvironmentatleast twohoursafteryour lastmealwearingcomfortableclothes far from thechaosoftheworldforatleastninetyminutestheseperfectconditionsarerarelymetThemaincriteria forunderstandinghow toengage in thepractice shouldalways be ldquotomeet yourself exactlywhere you arerdquoYou can then figure outwhichexercisestopracticewheretosituateyourselfwhentopracticeandhowmuchtimeyoucansetasidetopractice
Ifyoudonrsquothavea roomdedicated forpractice thenmovesomefurniturearound tocreatea suitablespaceandbring inanyobjectsor images thathelpyouconnectwithyourintentionThisprocessexemplifieslocatinganewspaceinsideofyourselfSometimeswhenwefeelldquoallovertheplacerdquoinourmindjustcleaning and reorganizing our house starts to positively affect our emotionalintegrationOrderingourimmediatesurroundingsoftenhelpstocalmdowntheinternaldisarrayCandles incense soothingmusic and low lightmayprovideyou with supportive harmonizing associations to make your practice moremeaningful
BeflexibleregardingwhereyoupracticeallowingforvariationsaccordingtoyourlifersquoscircumstancesForexampleifyouareinterviewingforajobthat
couldeasepressingeconomicneedsthenpracticesomecalmingbreathworkinthewaitingroomIfyoufindyourselfstrugglingwithroadragepulloverstopthecarandpracticeLeft-NostrilBreathingThengetbackontheroadwhenyouarecalmandhavelostsightofthatannoyingtailgatermdashyoudonrsquotwanttolosecontrolandcauseyourselfmoregrief
SometimesitisgoodtoenhanceyourpracticebybeingoutdoorsconnectingwithnatureandbringinginasenseofexpansionConverselyifdoingthisseemstoo vulnerably open and distracting and lacks the intimacy you need thenpracticewhereyoucanmoreeasilyaccomplishtheresultsyouareafter
WhenShouldIPracticeStarting thedaywith an extendedpractice deliciouslydedicated tooneself isnotaluxuryweallhaveFeelfreetodowhatyoucaninthemorningthenaddorrepeatsomethinginthemiddleofthedayandthenpracticebeforegoingtobed
TheEnergyFlowSeriesisagreatwaytobothstartandendthedayInthemorning it feels energizing and at night calming preparing you for a goodnightrsquos sleep TheWindmill practicewill elevate the general tone of your lifeforceenergyinthemorningTheAttitudeofDischargingexercisewillhelpyoudischargesomeof theextra tensionaccumulatedduring theday ifdone in thelateafternoonAlternate-NostrilBreathingisagreatmiddaypracticethatbringsbalance to your wildly fluctuating emotions Concentrated Gazing worksefficientlytoputyoutosleepatnightand ifusedinthemorning itresetstheendocrine systemdecreasingmoodswings (Thismaybeespecially importantfor women during bereavement to stabilize and reestablish balance in theirendocrine system and counteract the common disturbances grief imposes ontheir normal menstrual cycle) Choosing the right time to practice helps youadjusttoyournewenvironmentmoreskillfullyandhelpstoprepareyouforthemultitudeofchangesandnewconditionsinyourlifeFromyourfirstin-breathwhen you are born to your last out-breath at the moment of death the timeelapsedisallyoursThedecisionsyoumakeregardinghowtospendthat timeare also yours Use your practice time wisely so it reflects your sense ofownershipofyourtimeandyourrespectforit
ForHowLongShouldIPracticeFinallyintermsofhowlongtopracticeeachtechniqueorhowlongyouroverall
practice should be letme just say this something is better than nothingOursystemsreacttoallwedoandallwethinksodowhatyoucanItistruethatforbestresultsAlternate-NostrilBreathingshouldbepracticedfornolessthanfiveminutes yet a minute alone would also do some work A minimum of threerepetitionsisbetterwhenpracticingtheEnergyFlowSeriesbutonerepetitionalsohasbenefitsWhatisoptimalistousewhatevertimeyoumighthavejustkeepinmindthatthemoreyoupracticethedeepertheeffectswillbe
AnexceptionshouldbemadewithSingle-NostrilBreathingPracticing formore thanfiveminutescanrenderstrongereffects thanyoumaydesireWhenpracticing Left-Nostril Breathing for example you want to feel calmer notdepletedItisokaytopracticeformorethanfiveminutesifneededjustmakesureyoubreakitdownwithaminuteortwoofAlternate-NostrilBreathing
Thesadhanapracticemdashinitsentiretyandfollowingtheguidelinesproposedfor each technique in chapter 4mdashshould take approximately ninety minutesPleaserememberthataccordingtothevariationsandmodificationsyouneedtomakeyourpracticetimewillvarySupplementarytechniquessuchasjournalingandothersofferedinchapter6willalsoalteryourpersonalpracticetime
BecomingfamiliarwiththetechniqueswillallowyoutoknowmoreeasilywhattocalluponandwhenWithregularpracticetheeffectsofthetechniqueswillcomealiveinyouandwillevenhelpyouchoosewhattopracticeandwhenBe sensitive to the daily fluctuations in your actual ability to engage in thetechniquesIfyouspentahalfhourdoingpawanmuktasanayesterdayandyourmusclesaresoretodayreducethetimeandintensityoftheexercisetowhatyoucantolerate
YourPracticeChangesasYouDoPleasebeopentothefactthatyouareundergoingconstantchangeandthereforeyour practice must shift as well to reflect your new needs and abilities Thegrieving process and the tasks ofmourning are not linear your grief changesyourpracticeandyourpracticechangesyourgriefThere iswisdom in lettingyour practice reflect your state of being and adapting it accordingly Thewayyou practice is theway you livewhat you practice now shapes your lifeBemindful of addressing your practicewith the same grace and dignity that youwantforyourself
Perhapsitisaccuratetosaythatyoudidnotsignupforbeingwhereyouarenow andyet hereyouarePractice jump-starts theprocessof transformationSeeyourselffunctioningasthebestoperatorofthesetoolsbyaskingwhatyou
want toaccomplish listening toyourvoicehearingyourbodyrsquosexpressionofits innate wisdom and sensing what you need to do for yourself todaymdashdosomethingtocommittowhatyouwant
Chapter6
TheProcessofTransformation
LynPrashant the founderof IntegrativeGriefTherapy states thatldquowedonrsquotgetoverourlosseswechangerelationshiptothemrdquoAndsheaddsthatldquogriefisour most available untapped emotional resource for personal transformationrdquo(2005)Iwholeheartedlyagreewithher
WhilehonoringourpersonallossesandmourningtherelationshipthatoncewasthetransformationthatwearetalkingaboutinessenceisourownAswebegin to witness the appearance of our new self we slowly recognize thecumulativeeffectsofourdeeptransformativeworkWearenowactuallylookingatourselvesandtheworldaroundusfromanewperspective
This book demonstrates the inner workings of the grieving process IprovidedthespecifictechniquesforthepracticeofstayingpresentandthereforeavailabletotransformyourgriefandencounteritsstrongemotionsthatfiercelychallengeyouThetoolsarenowatyourfingertipswithfocusedawarenessyoumay methodically turn some of the seminal questions yoursquove been askingyourselfintoconcreteactions
ThroughdealingwiththesufferingthatisinherentduringthegriefjourneywehaveanopportunitytouncoverourowntruenatureGriefworkisultimatelyaboutchallengingyourassumptionsaboutlifeldquoWhoamIwithoutherWheredoIgoafterlosingmyhomeWhoamInowthatIrsquovebeenfiredfrommyjobWhatdoesitmeanthatIrsquomstillherenowandheisgonerdquo
In themidst of sorrow the blossoming of a new identitymaymeanmanydifferentthingstoyouOnceyouarenolongergrippedbytheoldattachmentsyoubecome free to explore thedeepestpartsofyourselfAsyouaskyourselfwhatyoudoanddonotneedgriefbecomestheuncannygatewaytohelpgainthetrueknowledgeofself
FindingaNewIdentityAfterLossIdentityconsistsmainlyofourperceptionsofourselvesbasedonthepeopleandthingsweareattachedtoWhenwelosethemwelosepartofwhoweareAndyetlifecontinuesRememberthefeelingsuponwakingupintheimmediatedaysandweeks following a profoundly huge loss The bodymoving in a robotic
way fighting against the lethargy of a tiredmind eyes barely open two feetwalkingtothebathroomoutofnecessity
ThinkofthebodythemastersurvivormaintaininglifewiththeaudacitytocontinuedoingwhatitdoesDespiteourdespairdespiteourdoubtstheamazingintelligence of our body is a powerful testament to the continuation of ourexistence
Imagineakitchenwhereyoursquovecookedforthepasttwentyyearsonewithno ventilation just tiny windows and a stove with slow inefficient electricburners One day the kitchen burns to the ground Because you are hungrybecauseyourbodyneeds fuelyouneed tocontinuecookingPerhapsyoucanimproviseandcookmealstemporarilyinthelivingroomormanageforawhileonanoutdoorgrillbuttheneedforanindoorkitchenispainfullyapparentsoyoumustrebuildit
IsthenewkitchengoingtohaveventilationornotBigorsmallwindowsSlowelectricburnersorquickandefficientgasburnersInordertodefinethesedetailsyouneedtoquestionyourrealneedsanddesireslikesanddislikes
After all you have cooked in that kitchen for years and are familiar withevery detail every nook and cranny The memories of that kitchen may beoverwhelmingly powerful to you but now it is time to start imagining a newmoremodernversionthatwillserveyournewneeds
Needsshift frombasic survival instincts to thoseofa fullermorespiritualvisionofourlifeInterestinglymanyofuswillgravitatetothefamiliardesignoftheoldkitchenButgiventimeforreflectionnewideasandimageswillstarttoemerge thathelpuscomecloser towhowereallyareandwhowewant tobecome
ManyofusidentifywhowearethroughourhomesSometimesthehomeisthought of as an extension of our physical bodies something important toconsider when working with grief Identity is formed through what the bodylearnsfromitsenvironmentThefollowingtwoexamplesillustratethat
Sinceathree-year-oldcannotbuyacarrentahomeorfindajobthechildmustrelyentirelyonanadultcaregiver In thiscase thefatherconstantlyputsdownthethree-year-oldwhenheperformswellButcomplyingwithhisfatherrsquosexpectations can be the difference between life and death Consequently thechildlearnseithertobecomeanunderachieverortohidehisachievementssoasnottoupsethisfather
The survival mechanism that informs the mind is deeply rooted in thewisdomof the bodymaintaining life at all costs Putting our fingers in a live
electricsocketoncegivesthebodyenoughinformationtoavoidgettingshockedagain The body has excellent cellular memory and keeps that survivalmechanism alive Even years later while fixing a malfunctioning socket andknowingthepowerisoffyourbodystillalertsyouinternallywithcautionsignswarningofdanger
When defining ourselves after loss it is very common to repeat oldmechanisms perform the same learned behaviors and chant the same innermonologuebecausethatishowwelearnedtosurviveRepeatingthesebehaviorsgrants us renewed suffering simply because our actions are antiquated and nolongermatchourpresentreality
Wemust revisit the situationwith new eyes identifying our present needsandusingournewlyacquiredskillsmdashtheoneslackingduringtheearlyformativeyears Although old habits are difficult to change respecting their power canactually be life affirmingWecan see them in action and recognize themas asign of the amazing intelligence of our bodiesWitnessing our broken heartrsquosstruggletocopewiththepainoflossandmanagetheaccompanyingsymptomsofconfusionanddisorganizedthinkingisquiteremarkable
Isnrsquot it a superbly opportune time to reimagine a new designwhenwe nolongerhavetheoldkitchenandyetourneedforthefoodthatrsquoscookedinitisasrealasthefirethatconsumeditThisistheopportunityhiddeninthegriefweexperienceThisisthetransformativejourneyIrsquomtalkingabouttheprocessthatcan take us from the void of devastation after loss to the fullness of aconsciouslylivedlife
HowCantheTransformationBeAccomplishedMy opinion is that the journey of discovery is threefold Addressing thesymptoms of our grief constitutes the first step The second involves fullytransitingthegrievingprocessandachievinghealthyresolutionwithitThethirdentails reidentification based on our most intimate spiritual self Having beenstrippedofourpreviousidentitylayingbaretherealcoreofwhowearewearenowinvitedtoapproachthedeepestpartsofourselves
These three portions of the process of transformation are linked but notlinear simultaneously our awareness can shift aswe sense some relief of ourimmediatesymptomsItisimportanttorememberingriefworkthatanyspecificactions taken towardaccomplishing resolutioncanbe repeatedand revisitedatanypointwithrenewedmeaning
The information you need comes as a result of your work and efforts tounderstandandrelatetotheexperienceathandThisprocessinvolvesobservingyour motivations behaviors and feelings This book and the techniquesproposedaredesignedtosupportyouintheprocessoftransformingyourgriefofferingpracticeasthefoundationfortheworkUsingthetoolsyoulearnedinchapter4youcanreapthebenefitsyouareafterNowletrsquostakealookathoweachpartoftheprocessoftransformationworks
TheFirstPartAddressingtheSymptoms
HowdoesaddressingyoursymptomshelptransformgriefImagineyourselfperchedon a rolling hillwaiting to take in a beautiful sunsetwith somedearfriendswhenallofasuddenyouareafflictedwithaterribletoothacheEvenifyou are surroundedby love and support in the presentmoment all you reallywantistostopthepainyouneedadentist
Itisquiteremarkablehowenticedbythepresumptionofthepermanenceofthebodyrsquosvigorandendurancewetakeourownhealthforgranted
Abalancedbodyenhancesyourability to transformgriefWhen the rug ispulledout fromunderneathyoushakingyour foundationand threateningyourstability you can enter into a conversation with the body that will ultimatelyformthebasisofyournewidentityToregainpresencefortheprocessyoumustaddressthedifferentsymptomsparticularlythephysicalones
TheexercisescontainedintheprogramcanhelptakecareofthefirstpartoftheprocessbybringingthesymptomstoalevelofrelativecontrolBypracticingbreathworkyoubecomemorepresentandawareandcanhelp reestablish thenormalrhythmsofthebodyfindingwaysofcontrollingyourmentalstatesandultimatelyyournewreality
PracticingtheEnergyFlowSeriesassuresthepropercirculationoflifeforceavoidingblockagesandfacilitatingfreemovementofconsciousnesswithinbodyandmindThedifferentasanashelpgetridofthetoxicchemicalbyproductsofpain and activate parts of the body where emotional issues tend to promotetensionandstiffnessThespecificactionsperformedintheWindmillbringyourfeelingsto thesurfaceofyourawarenessallowingyoutowitnessandidentifythem and ultimately to better understand how grief manifests in the bodyAttitudeofDischargingofferstheincreasedchargeoffeelingsandsensationsofgriefawayoutConcentratedGazingpromotesbalanceandbettersleep
TheSelf-RelaxationTechniquehelpscombatthestressfuleffectsofgriefanddiminishesgeneraltensioninthebodyguidingyouhometoyournormalsleepcycle Resolve resets the mind so the body can manifest your deepest innerwisheswhileBreathMeditationoffersthecalmstillnessofbodyandmindthatallowstheSpirittoemergemoreclearly
AllpartsoftheYogaforGriefReliefsadhanapreparethebodyandthemindfortheunderstandingofSpiritwhichasIrsquovestatedbeforeisthetruesourceforthefacilitationofgrief
TheSecondPartFacilitatingGrief
Facilitating grief implies making the experience of bereavement moremanageable by following a roadmap such as the one proposed by JWilliamWordeninhisFourTasksofMourning(2009)Employingtheprinciplesofyogacan assist in accomplishing those Letrsquos take a look at some additionalguidelines
Give yourself permission to grieve Some people have a hard timeaccepting thatgrieving isappropriateThereasonsfor these thoughtsareoftenpreconceived ideas about what to expose to others or how much time isacceptable to grievePersonal difficulties such as the fear of beingdefinedbygrief the possibility of feelingworse or the chance youmight trigger othersrsquogriefoftenpreventindividualsfromgrieving
If you care for grieving individuals and provide support space andresourcesdoyoudothesameforyourselfWhenflyingonanairplaneyouaredirected to put your oxygen mask on first in case of an emergency beforehelpingothersItismuchthesameinthegrievingprocessmdashifyougiveyourselfthepermissiontogrievefirstyoucanthenhelpothers
ProvideyourselfwiththetimeyouneedtogrieveInthecorporateworldemployeesaretypicallygivena72-hourldquowindowrdquoinwhichtogrieveAlthoughthereisnoofficialtimesettocompleteourgrievingprocessourmindstendtodictatethatafteroneyearhaselapsedldquoIshouldbedonewithmygriefrdquoSocietalexpectations coupledwith thepressureweputonourselves to resumenormalliving promote the belief that things will be much better in a yearUnfortunately this unrealistic expectation is not only misleading it is alsocounterproductivetomaintainingasenseofhope
ForsomeofusthesecondyearofgriefisevenmoredifficultthanthefirstI
encourage tolerance in allowing the time needed for working well with thecomplex grief experience That permission alone is very important In thenormalcourseofbereavement as timegoesonourgrief frequentlyexpressesitselfasaSuddenTemporaryUpsurgeofGrief(STUGRando1993)sometimesrelatedtoandprovokedbycurrentlifesituationsothertimesshowingupoutoftheblueSTUGscanprovideuswithareflectionofwhereweareinrelationtoourowngriefHowfastweovercomeithowdeepourfeelingsarefeltandhowmuchourbodiesareinvolvedareallindicativeoftheskillswehavedevelopedofthenewpiecesofinformationwehaveunveiledaboutourselves
It is necessary to mention that a prolonged time of coping with thedisruptions of bereavement may be a marker for complicated grief thusrequiring specific interventions All factors need to be taken into account toproperlyassesshowandwhereweareintheverypersonaljourneyofgrief
PracticeactivelisteningwithyourselfHaveyoueverhad theexperienceofsomeonerepeatingbacktoyouwhattheyheardyousayWereyouwide-eyedto hear themessage repeated backDid it sound like your thinkingDid youwonderldquoDidIreallysaythatrdquoThiscommonoccurrencehappensinregularlifeas well as in therapeutic settings A technique called ldquoactive listeningrdquoconsisting of literally repeating a clientrsquos disclosure back to him or her isfrequentlyusedtohelpclientsreflectonthewaystheynametheirownreality
Consciouslyjournalingourthoughtsandexperiencesafteryogapracticeisagood way to allow the process of externalizing whatever comes to mindmdashunobstructed and uncensoredLook at your journal and repeat ldquoWhat I heardmyselfsayingthinkingfeelingishelliprdquoYourrealityislivedanddeterminedbyyouin thewayyou talkabout itandname itHowyoudosodetermineshowyoulive
Resolve is a powerful tool for kick-starting the process of correctingunconscious habits and old behaviors Another creative exercise uses freeassociationtoacquaintyouwithyourtrueselfbyrecordinganaudioversionoffeelingsemotionsandimpressionsListentotherecordingandwriteldquoWhatIheard myself saying ishelliprdquo Just hearing your own voice a more familiarexpression of your inner dialogue offering insights can evokemore powerfulresults
Accept differences in the way you grieve Trying to emulate a familialsocietalorculturalmoldmdashinotherwordsforcingyourselfintoapreconceivedformmdashmaynot serveyoubestGrief isan intimateaffair revealing thedeeperself absolutely unique to each particular individualYourway of grieving the
wayyou love the things you lovemdashthey all speak towhoyou are Find yourway honor it and do it your waymdasheven if it is very different from anyexpectationsyoumighthaveorothersmayimposeuponyou
Consider that your grief might change from one moment to another Youchange just as theworld around you changes andmost important the newlyidentified self feeds off of thisWelcome those changes they reflectwhoyoureally are You grieve each loss differently and you can even experience amultitudeofpolarizedsymptomswithonelossChangesinthewayyougrieveexpress modifications in your mind and indicate that things are in factreorganizing
Even if things get more difficult day in and day out since everythingchanges so toowill that Practice itself is an importantmonitor for assessingchange Identifying the different states of feeling and being aided by certainexercises or combinations thereof are part of the self-knowledge that griefunveils What changed What made the change How can I reach that stateagainThesearesomeofthequestionstoaskyourselfwhileviewingthemanyfacesofyourgrievingprocess
You must facilitate moving through your own griefmdashentirely gently andfirmlymdashinyourownuniquewayDrWordenrsquosfourtasksareapragmaticuser-friendlyreferenceguide toevaluate thecourseofyourgrievingprocessand tolocateyourselfwithinthatcontextNextIofferyousomesuggestionsofhowtouse yogarsquos knowledge and some of the techniques included in the sadhana tomakeyourfulfillmentofWordenrsquostasksappearlessdaunting
ACCOMPLISHINGACCEPTANCE
DrWordenrsquos four tasks presented in chapter 1 are clear and direct Findwaystoaccept theemotionalrealityof the loss(first task)process thepainofgrief(secondtask)adapttoanewrealitywithout thepresenceofthedeparted(thirdtask)andrelocatethelostpersonorobjectsoyoucanembarkonanewlife(fourthtask)
Theyogapracticeoutlinedinthisbookcanbeusedtosupportyourworkonthe tasks For instance remaining aware of the breath during CompleteBreathingandwitnessingwithoutjudgmentanyresistanceyouencountercanbeinstrumentalinleadingtoacceptingtherealityoftheloss
Beawareofdistractingbehaviorssuchasgettinglostinachainofthoughtsrushingtothecomputerorgrabbingthephonewhichservetoavoidfeelingthedepth of what is happening Tolerating the discomfort is a skillful way of
meetingtheunpleasantfeelingsoflossJournalingisoneofthemostwidelyusedformsforreflectiveretellingofthe
factsGoingoverthedetailsagainandrecallingtheeventsthathappenedisoneofthemosteffectivemethodsforgainingacceptanceoflossWhenjournalingthe way youwrite about your reality is a reflection of the way you speak toyourselfaboutitWhenyourelatethefactsinyourjournalalsomakesureyouwrite about your feelingsmdashit is of the essence In order to do this you mustidentifyandexperiencethemandtodosoyoumustbepresent
PROCESSINGFEELINGS
InordertoproperlyprocessfeelingswemustfirstremainpresentforthemThisisoftenoneofthemostdifficultaspectsofgrievingbutitisalsooneofthemost importantWhat does itmean to remain present The actual practice ofbeingpresentvaries according towhich feelingyou focusonbecause feelingsassociatedwithgriefvarywidelyandcanbeofdifferentnatures
We often avoid our yoga practice or falter when the techniques elicit astrongerperceptionofthefeelingsResistanceisyetanothersignofthestruggleso identify your options for staying present Transiting your grief successfullyandestablishingwaystomoveoutoftheintensecenteroftheexperiencetoitsquieteredgesistheworkSincetheonlywayoutofthepainofgriefisthroughityoumustenterandexit theprocessskillfullyBecauseof itspassivenaturesadnessmdashthe most common feeling when grievingmdashallows us to actually sitwithitMostfindsadnessunpleasantandresistfeelingitsoweputupdefensestoeludeit
You can work on ldquositting with sadnessrdquo simply by staying seated inmeditation While meditating our minds tend to wander instead of focusingThat is true for our hearts aswellwe tend to flee from sadness toward otherfeelingssuchasanger
AngerisanactivefeelingandsittingwithitcanbeextremelyfrustratingItasksformentalandphysicalaction It isbestprocessedwhenthe targetof theangerisidentifiedandaneffectivemethodofexpressionisfoundAngerismetwithmanysocietaljudgmentsWearetaughtthatitisnotahealthyfeelingandthatitsexpressionmakesothersuncomfortableandonlyyieldsmoreangerItiscrucial to find an outlet for anger that does not conflict with what we haveaccepted as socially appropriate Instead of aggression I suggest consideringassertivenessasaneffectivealternativewayYoucanforcefullypushsomebodyawayfromyourdoorsteporyoucan lookstraight intohiseyespointingyour
finger at him while saying ldquoYou do not walk into my houserdquo Through thepracticeoftheAttitudeofDischargingangercanpurposefullybeexpressedintheintimacyofyourpersonalworkThistechniqueoffersmodesofexpressionfrom the more general involvement of the full body to the particular ldquoaaahrdquosound that promotes vocalizing the active nature of the feeling When notexpressed outwardly anger can turn inward resulting in self-destructivebehaviorssuchasrelapsingwithaddictionsSometimesangercanpresentitselfasanotherfeelingsuchasguilt
Because it isusually linked to irrational thoughtsguiltneeds tobereality-testedinrelationtothefactsAskyourselfifthereissomethingyoucouldhavedonedifferentlyorifanyactionstakencouldhaveindeedavoidedthelossThenyou should be able to recognize whether you did or did not have anyresponsibility for how things happened If you were indeed responsible thenwhat actionsmight help you to resolve the heavy burden of responsibility Iffeelings of guilt still persist what are they actually related toWhat can thelessonlearnedbe
The palette of possible feelings is vast and unique to each individual Allfeelingsarevalidmdashtheyaretheelementsthegrievingheartiscomposedofandneedtobeprocessedsowecangettoknowourselvesbetter
ADJUSTINGTOTHENEWREALITY
Discoveringhowtoadjusttoanewrealityvariesdistinctlyaccordingtothedetailsofour life situationandhowwe interpret themeaningof the lossThemorethelossthreatensourimmediatesurvivalthemoreimportantitbecomestoimplementbehaviorsforadjustment
For someone whose livelihood depended on who or what has been lostfindingwaystomakeendsmeetandfulfillonersquosmaterialobligationsbecomesofutmostimportanceAfterourinitialsurvival-basedneedsaremetotherneedsgain importance These often manifest as questions that reflect the newlybereaved personrsquos confusion or unfamiliarity with how to approach life afterlossldquoWhoamI ifnotamarriedmanWhoamInowthatIamunemployedWhycontinuetopraysincemypreviousprayerswerenotansweredrdquoByaskingyourselftheseandotherkeyquestionsyoulearnwhoyouhavebecomeandhowtolivemoreconsciouslywithoutthedeceasedAsyouembraceyournewrealitythe practice of Resolve is a solid ally imprinting new mental patterns andresettingoldonesNamingkeyresolutionssuchasldquoIpaymybillsontimerdquoorldquoIgotothegymeverydayrdquoiswhatkeepsthedirectionclear
Thesemental adjustments become effective coping tools for the long-termexperience of grief and bring immediate relief of present suffering Thedependenceon theold realitystarts to fadeawayThisoffersa freshdynamicoutlookthatenhancesindependenceandself-worthjustbykeepingaheightenedanddevotedfocusonthenewlyblossomingself
FACILITATINGEMOTIONALRELOCATIONOFTHEDECEASEDORLOSTOBJECT
Yogaaddressesthefundamentalmisapprehensionoffalseegoidentificationtaking the impermanent for permanent As you locate your place in the newrealitytherelationshiptowhoorwhatyouhavelostchangessignificantlyThisclarificationisessentialforhumblingthethreatenedegoInsteadofsubstitutingtheoldattachmentforanewoneseekanewplaceforyourselfinrelationshiptowhoorwhatyoulostYoucanchoosetofocusonwhoyouarenowwithoutthedepartedperson
BreathMeditationisidealforsupportingtheprocessofemotionalrelocationbecauseit requiresus tappingintoourcore issues theprofoundaspectsofouridentityForthisdeepandintimateworkourbreathmdashourlifeforcefuelingourworkmdashwillcontinuetoserveusuntilwetoodepartfromthislife
Your previous identity as effective anduseful as itwaswas linked to thepast responses andbehaviors relating to theworldrsquos challenges froma formernow-nonexistent timeThenewly forming self-identity is beingbasedonyourrevised inner world with more conscious thoughts positive images andappropriate needs that populate a healthier present The focus of yourembarkationismoresavoringandembracingtheactualinternaljourneyleadingyou home to your true self rather than the external aspects that previouslydefinedyourlife
DETACHEDATTACHMENTAHEALTHYMODELFORTHEFUTURE
After losing their son to an accident involving a drunk driver the Smithfamily started a nonprofit organization to raise funds to create a publicawarenesscampaignonthedangersofdrivingundertheinfluenceofalcohol
The organization offered an outlet for their emotions and created a publicforumforhonoringthelostchildinameaningfulwayThefamilyseemedtakenabackwhenI reminded themthat thenonprofit toowouldonedaycometoanend I explained that for example in the best-case scenario their campaignwould be 100 percent effective and no drunk driverswould exist so nomorefundswouldbeneeded
MyintentionwastomakethefamilyawareofthefinitenatureofallthingsincludingtheirorganizationEventhoughtheydidnotlikeanticipatingtheendtheywerecomfortedwhenIaskedthemtoconsiderthisnewpieceofawarenessasagiftfromtheirson
The ultimate intention of Wordenrsquos fourth task is to continue with thepreexistingbondand to findwaysofestablishinganenduringconnectionwithwhat wersquove lost Interestingly enough most existing models of grief therapypropose establishing new and healthier attachments as away to continuewithlife
IsuggestyouconsideranotherwaytolookatthisonemorecloselyrelatedtotheknowledgeofyogaIcallitdetachedattachmentaveryskillfultoolDoformattachmentsyetkeepfullawarenessofthefactthatwhatyouareattachedtowill inevitably disappear Factoring in the truth of the impermanence of allthingsyoucanestablishnewemotionalbondsthatempoweryoutolivefullyinthe moment with no promise of tomorrow Truly embodying this knowledgecouldeffectivelyfreeyoufromremaininginthepainfulcycleofattachmentAsall things eventually do attachment too must end Reassessing the value ofholding on to a belief that only brings suffering leads us to ask ldquoWhy notsubstitute it with a healthier more reasonable concept that might feel evenbetterrdquo
Thisapproachbridgesthepureandattimesunattainablemodelsoforthodoxyoga with the accommodating processes of Western psychology It offers ahappy medium for making new attachments which is an inherent need thathumanshaveBykeepingawide-openthirdeyeaccessingayogicawarenessofthe impermanence of all things you still allow for loving fully Loving inabsence aswell as in presence affords the opportunity of living fullywith theguidanceoftheyogicprinciplesforexistencereducingfuturesuffering
ThisisperhapsoneofthemostdifficultchallengeshumansreckonwithWeexhibit confusion either mistaking love for attachment or struggling to lovewithout itTheverycoreof the relocationprocesshouses theseedofournewbeing While relocating the deceased is the task we too are finding a newemotional address for ourselves Attributed to the universal integration of allexisting things balance equilibrates all systems simultaneously Performingritualsandengaginginactivitiestohonorthepersonorobjectwelostisintruthfor us The actual benefit gained is wholly for our healingwe can reclaim asenseofwell-beingwhilefacilitatingouradjustmentprocess
RevisitingtheexampleoftheSmithfamilyalthoughthesonmightneversee
thenonprofitorganizationtheyopenedinhisnametheorganizationhelpedthefamilytofindnewpurposeandanewidentity
TheThirdPartFindingtheNewIdentity
ThisiswherethetruegemlieswheretheblessingindisguiseisrevealedIamreferringtothedelightonefeelswhenfindingapotofgoldattheendoftherainbowItistheresultyouarelookingforwhenembarkingonaconsciousgriefjourneyYouopenaportaltoadeeperconnectionwiththeSpirittothespiritualrealm of your existence by integrating fresh information on how the bodyprocessesgriefwithhowthemindunderstandsit
WhenexploringthisnewconnectioneachpersondefinesandrelatestotheSpiritinhisorherownwayThequesttoknowtheSpiritisage-oldDespitethisbookrsquos many attempts to explain what Spirit is and because Spirit is anexperienceapracticemightbewortha lotmore thana thousandwordsLetrsquosuseyetagainanotherusefulpracticefromyoga
FINDINGSPIRITINTHEINNERSILENCE
IrsquovefoundthatpracticingthefirstpartofatechniquecalledantarmounaorldquoinnersilencerdquoisofmuchhelpwhenlookingforadeeperconnectionwiththeSpiritThetechniqueconsistsofsittinginacomfortablepositioninstillnessandwiththeeyesclosedThenhearallsoundsidentifyingloudonesfromsoftonesdistantones from those thatareclosebyknownones fromunknownoneshellipNow switch your awareness to your earsmdashthe outer ear its temperature itsshapetrytofeelthemiddleandeventheinnerearPerceiveyourearshellipNowswitchtheawarenesstoYouthewitnessofthesoundsmdashnotthesoundsnottheearsbutYouthewitnessofallsounds
Aftermasteringthetechniqueusingyourearsyoumaycontinuefocusingonyour feelings and then on your thoughts This technique offers a gradual pathtoward the innermost self it can be thought of as a system for disidentifyingwiththegrosserplanesofrealityTheselfweencounteristheoneweareafter
TheSpiritcanbecalledtheaspectofthebeingthatwitnesseslifethroughaphysicalbodyitisnotthephysicalbodynorthefactsoftheexperienceItistheobserverthatisnotalteredbywhatitobservesjustasamirrorisnotaffectedbytheitemsitreflects
SKILLFULQUESTIONING
Finding thenew identitycanbegreatlyhelpedbyusingoneof thegoldentoolsinyogaatmavicharaorself-inquiryTheessentialquestionoftheinquiryisldquoWhoamIrdquoTheanswercanonlybefoundwithinbyconnectingwiththewitnessbyaskingtheobserverwithinbygettingtoknowyourownSpirit
The question is intended to help you connect with the ldquosubjectrdquo of thisexistence or the ldquoIrdquoWe identify ourselves by the states we go through thethingswepossessandtheobjectswerelatetoAnswerssuchasldquoIamrichrdquoorldquoIamsadrdquoleadtoafalseidentification
Thekindofself-inquiryIrsquomindicating isbestconductedwhenworkingondiscarding the object-based identitymdashwhat I ammdashin order to discover thesubject-basedonewhoIamIt isaquestfor thetrueself inall thatwedo ineverythoughteveryspeecheveryaction
Thereasontoperformself-inquiryisthatwedonrsquotpurporttoknowwhoweareandgriefoffersusplentytodoubtTheskillfulquestioningisnotjustrelatedtowhatfamilyyoubelongtoorwhichcountryyouwereborninratheritseekstounmaskyouressentialidentityasanembodiedSpiritThatpartofyourselfasitrelatestoldquoIrdquoisnotidentifiedwiththephysical
Itconnectsyouwiththepureawarenessofwhoyouareratherthanwhatyouare aware of Bear in mind that the difference between object and subjectappearssubtletousandthatweareinherentlyconfusedaboutthesetworealmsOther clarifying questions are Who is feeling sad Who is experiencinganxietyWho is feeling lonely and fearfulMost grievers do not want to bedefinedbytheirgriefthistechniquehelpsconnectwiththeonewitnessingthesufferingnotthesufferingitself
COGNITIVEREFRAMING
VickiPanagotacos (2012292) agiftedAmericangrief therapist proposesfouressentialquestionstoguidetheprocessofenvisioninganewselfandanewlifebydefiningcertainparametersmostofusneedtodealwithIrsquovefoundthatherquestionsareskillful insupportingagrieverrsquospracticeofatmavicharaorself-inquiryThefourquestionsareasfollows
1 Whatdoyouwanttoincludeinyourlife
2 Whatdonrsquotyouwanttoincludeinyourlife
3 Whatdoyouhaveinyourlifethatyouwanttoeliminate
4 Whatdoyouhaveinyourlifethatyouwanttokeep
PanagotacosproposeswritingdowntheanswersoneeachonseparatepagesIn her therapy practice she dedicates a session to providing a final list to herclients including the answers to question 1 plus the ldquoconverted answersrdquo toquestions23and4(ForexampleldquoIdonrsquotwanttomoverdquoconvertstoldquoIwantto stay where I am livingrdquo [293]) I suggest you convert your answers toquestions23and4thenwriteadocumentwithyourfinallistThesearegreatquestionstoaskyourselftopromoteawarenessofyourpersonaljourneyandtofindyourselfinyournewlifeplans
According toKarenWhitleyBellwhowroteLiving at theEnd of LifeAHospiceNurseAddressestheMostCommonQuestions(2010)oneofthemostcommon comments of dying individuals when asked about what they regretabouttheirlivesisthattheywishtheywouldhavelivedmoreaccordingtotheirdesiresthanothersrsquoexpectationsWhileourlivescanonlybebreathedthroughourownnostrils sometimeswe adopt other peoplersquos beliefs aboutwhatrsquos bestforusandassumethemasguidinglightsItisonlythroughfulfillingtheneedsandthedeepdesiresofourheartsthatwecanachieveourdestinyflowingintheuniversalorderofallexistingthings
AtreedoesnotdevelopbranchesjustforbirdstoperchratherbecausethebranchesformthatisinthenatureofthetreersquosdevelopmentandunfoldingThefact thatabirdcanperchon itsbranch is just soandnot the treersquos reasonforbeing
IfyourpreviousidentitywasbasedonothersrsquoneedsyoucannowredesignandredefineanewbyaccessingoneofhumanityrsquosessentialdesiresldquothedesireforpurposethedrivetobecomewhoyouaremeanttoberdquoasexpressedbyRodStryker (2011 35) ldquoYour long-term happiness and fulfillmentrdquo he continuesldquodependonyourabilitytofulfillyourpersonaldharmaandfilltheplaceintheworldthatonlyyoucanfillrdquo
WhatArethePossibleMeaningsofFindingaNewIdentityAfterLoss
Oneoftheamazingfeaturesofthehumanbrainisitsabilitytoassignmeaningto our experiencesThis is due to the presenceof the neocortex a vast net ofinterconnected neurons that complement the functions of the reptilian braininteractingwiththelimbicsystemandtheemotionalbrainThisemotionalpartof thebrain appeared inmammals only just a fewmillionyears agoSowhat
doesthisprocessoftransformationmeanforanindividualThereisnoshortageofmeanings
FindingaLightattheEndoftheTunnel
Despair iscommoningriefbecausesometimes in thevastdarknessof theprocesswecannotenvisionhowlifecouldpossiblygoonItislikebeingstuckinadarktunnelunabletosenselightattheotherend
Thismetaphor often refers to the impossibility of identifying a solutionorresolution for an existing situation when we are in the thick of it ExistencecontinuesafterlossandsocanweBytrustingthatthereislightsomewhereandthat thedarknessinwhichweareimmersedinthepresentmomentwillnotbethere forever we can relax knowing that in time it too will change likeeverythingelsedoes
ThecaseofoneofmyclientsJoancomestomindFeelingboredpracticingConcentratedGazingsheaskedmetousealitcandleforthedistantfocalpointinsteadofablackdotHerassumptionwasthatthedancingflamewouldpreventherfromfeelingdrowsy
Because she had defined the experience of her grief aswalking through adarktunnelwithnoendIproposedtokeepthisimageinmindasshepracticedThis conscious ldquoshiftingrdquo of attention from her present reality of pain andconfusiontothepromiseofanenlightenedfutureservedasapowerfulmetaphorforJoanPerformingthisformofConcentratedGazingshetookthismetaphorofthelightattheendofthetunneltothephysicalrealmofherpractice
Focusingtheeyeonthedistantobjectbecameasymbolofherwillingnesstoface the unknown future projecting her intention tomove beyond the presentfeelings of pain confusion and isolation Even thoughwemight bemired indarknessanddespairthearcofourvisioncarriesustoadeeperrealityonefromwhichweemergestrongerandwiserThankstothisconsciousworkweareabletoovercomethenegativeanticipatorythinkingthathasensnaredus
WhileteachingaclassattheUniversityofCaliforniandashBerkeleyIoncehearda seasoned therapist share her newly found observation She stated that afterthirty-fiveyearsofcounselingclientsshesawthatalltherapeuticworkisbasedindealingwithgrief
Althoughmostgrievingindividualscertainlywouldpreferaquickfixthosewhochose to laboriouslyengage ingriefworkcanfindhope regain trustand
reducetheirpainEnticedbythepossibilityofabetterlifeonemoreabundantinlightandself-lovetheyrealizethatjustontheothersideoftheveilofdarknessissomuchmorethanmostofuseverthoughtpossibleWeenvisionthepositiveoutcomeofourgriefworka torchthatblazesat theothersidewiththenewlydiscoveredknowledgeofself
ExperiencingRebirth
Sometimestheexperienceofarrivingtoanewselfissointensethatpeoplerefer to it as a new birth or a rebirth This is something Irsquove seen happenparticularlyinthecaseofcancerpatientsPeoplefacingcancerhaveaprimarylossofhealthbuttheyalsofacesecondarylossessuchasthelossoftheabilityto perform familiar activities or the loss of hair due to chemotherapyrsquossecondaryeffects
Once losses have been normalized a surprising number of cancer patientsexpress enjoying newly cherished aspects of life They have reported feelingdeeper gratitude delighting in delicate interpersonal contact embodying adeeper knowing of their personal needs and more actively participating inincreasedcompassionateself-care
ManyperceivethisasanewlifeOftencancerpatientswillrefertothedateofdiagnosisasakindofldquosecondbirthdayrdquo
THEMYTHOFTHEPHOENIX
Thephoenixamythicalbirdthatobtainsnewlifebyrisingfromtheashesofits predecessorThe aftermath of the shockingdevastationof loss is describedusing imagery referring to scorched landscapes after a fire empty colorlessvacant dark and lifeless Using this metaphor imagine what this charredlandscape home to so many different animals plants and trees might havecontainedbeforeTheashescontaintherecordedimprintofthepreexistingfaunaandfloraaswellastheelementsthathelpthesoilbecomemorefertileandthatimprove theoverallhealthof the forestDespite theabsenceofwhatwas losttheirmemoryisretainedconcentratedintheashwhichfertilizestheforestfloorandfacilitatesregrowth
Byremainingpresentforthefeelingsthatcomeupingriefwebecomelikethe phoenix created anew from the ashes left behind by loss In her beautifulshortpieceonthelossofason-in-lawKimberleyPittman-Schulzwritesthatldquoto
grieve one deathmeans always to grieve twordquo (2011 16) This is true for somanyof thepeoplehollowedoutby theirexperienceof lossWhatever timeittakesmdashmonthsoryearsmdashtobecomeawareofhowdeeplyalosshaspenetratedus we have the option of living in honor of the departed or deceased byfollowingourpath
Themythofthephoenixisapowerfuloneforunderstandinghowfromthedepths of the ashes a new being is born rising high above the place of oursorrowanddespairendowedwithnewperspectivesandacquiredwisdom
HonoringtheLegacyoftheDeparted
Other than profoundly negative relationships the severance of whichprovidesreliefmostofuswanttocontinuethebondsfindingwaystohonorthelegacyofwhatwehavelost
MostlywechoosetobelievethatthedepartedwouldpreferustobehappyandtostillfulfillourdreamsIndoingso thisbecomesawayofhonoringthememory and intentions of the departed and a way of staying in contact withthemItprovidesuswithafreshopportunitytoshareournewinformationaboutourselves andour accomplishmentswith thedeceased in a figurativeway thatwebelievewouldmakethemhappy
Itallowsourbodies toengage inanaction thesimpleactionof livingourlivesinabetterwayWecannottouchthehandofalostchildorphysicallyhugalostpetyetwefindnewendeavorstoaccomplishldquoinhonorofrdquoldquoasrelatedtordquoandldquointhenameofrdquothedepartedbringingnewmeaningtotheloss
This can serve us by acknowledging and attending to the unfinishedbusiness and still effect perceptive changes even in our relationshipwith thedeceased
BeinganExampletoOthers
OursocietyisnotcomfortablewithgriefnordoesitoffersuitableoutletsforexpressionoftherelatedfeelingsInsteadgriefoftengetssweptundertherugAcommonbelief is thatwegetoverourgriefwith thepassageof timeNothingcouldbefurtherfromthetruththereisnoldquogettingoverrdquoourgriefanditdoesnot simply fade away with time By being patient with our own process weteachotherspatienceByconsciouslyaddressingoursymptomsweteachothers
about self-care By properly naming our feelings and speaking our truth weteachotherstoheargrieversoutandconsolethem
Finding a new identity after loss requires awareness and presence for themultitudeofinsightsgriefoffersBydoingourworkandsharingourexperiencewebecomeamodelanexamplethatotherscanbenefitfromintheirownlivesSociety loves those characters who are secure solid assertive and exhibitdominionoveruncertaintiesEveryonegravitates toward theherowhohumblyunderstands personal weaknesses has self-reliant qualities and has integratedacquiredknowledgeandwisdom
Aswetransitthegrievingprocessfromourheartsandtheintricaciesofourmindswediscoverourresilienceandstrengthenourskillsdefiningabetterlifeandsettingagoodexampletobewitnessedbyothers
LearningNewWaysofLoving
Our new identity can offer a different relationship between love andattachmentonethatmovesawayfrompresentingthemasequalIonceheardanotedprofessionalsaythatgriefisthepricewepayforlovebutintruthgriefisthepricewepayforattachment
Todifferentiate love fromattachmentwe set anewstandardofpossibilityboth with others and for ourselves Societies flourishing in balance and truthstartwithindividualsandrightnowthatisyouandme
Bymakingloveandattachment thesamewemistake the impermanentforpermanent and insteadof lovingunconditionallywe create the conditions forcodependenceByunderstandinghowtocontinuelovinginthefaceofabsencewe liberate love from itsmaterial basis and liberate ourselves in the processThen love achieves its full force becoming capable of transforming inunexpected ways undoing the old and granting us access to a new way oflovingourselveswithfreedomandrespect
SinkingintotheOrderoftheUniverse
The universal order is already in existence and sinking into it promotesactionsthatreinforcetheprincipleofpronoiawhichdictatesthattheuniverseisconspiring in your highest good in both the internal and externalworlds Theacceptanceofthisfactreestablishesourtrustinlifeandbringsasenseofhope
thatiselusivewhileingriefChangeisaconstantforceintheorderoftheuniverseAsyoubecomeaware
of personal choices that no longer serve you trusting the universal forceactivates conscious envisioning of new more appropriate options AnotheressentialyogictruthexpressesthatldquoalltheknowledgeyouneedforyourlifeisalreadywithinyourdquoConsidering thiscanhelpyoubreak free frompreviouslyheldbeliefsthatcauseresistance
IndoingsoyouremovethefirstofthefivecausesofsufferingasstatedbyPatanjali inTheYogaSutras ignoranceof the truthReplacing ignorancewithknowledgebasedonourpresentrealityisoftangiblebenefittogrievers
Theresultingfeeling issimilar towhatweexperiencewhenweswimwiththe current or when we sleep at night a sense of going with the flowcharacterizedbycomfortandeaseThatdoesnotmeantheabsoluteabsenceofstruggleItsuggeststhataswepracticeweencounteraccommodatingmomentsthatallowus togetcomfortablealongwith thediscomfortor relaxwithin theunrestfeelingeaseinthemidstofcomplexity
Yourecognizethatyouarepartofalargerorganismabundantinactivityandpulsatingwith lifeTheacceptance thatyouarepartofacommunityofotherswhohavehopesdesiresandfearsjustlikeyoudocanbeapowerfulantidotetotheparalyzingisolationofgrief
Youcanchangeanidentityestablishedontheoldmodelofattachmentsandembrace a new one based on the synchronicity of your coexistence with theuniverseMost of thework in yoga is related to understanding this union andallowing it to be lifersquos guiding light Transforming our grief offers theopportunity most of us seek to access to bathe in the universal wisdom andbecome part of the whole This experience changes our life forever in theintimacyofoursolitudeorinthecompanyoftherestofhumanity
GriefiswithoutadoubtthemostintenseinvitationtoacknowledgetheunionofallexistingthingsIhaveknownItnotonlyforcesustolivewithamazinglycontradictoryfeelingsandemotionssuchasldquoIdonrsquotwanttoeverthinkofhimagainmdashIdonrsquotwanttoeverforgethimrdquobutalsobecausewearepromptedtogothroughextremelyoppositeconditionsinourbodiesaswellfromfeelingfullofenergywhenexperiencingtheinitialshockofalosstofeelingdeepfatigueafewdayslaterAsconfusingastheseextremesmightseemtoourmindsourheartsfind solace and relief when able to link these opposing feelings and thoughtswith the word ldquoandrdquo A significant part of the new identity results fromsubstituting the limiting ldquobutrdquo for a more inclusive ldquoandrdquo Just think of how
differentitfeelstohearyourselfsayingldquoIwanttoremarrybutnootherwomanwilllovemethesamewayrdquoversusldquoIwanttoremarryandnootherwomanwilllove me the same wayrdquo The very presence of the word ldquobutrdquo is divisiveseparatingnotconducivetoreconciliationmdashqualitiesthatgrieversneednomoreofOnthecontraryldquoandrdquoisinclusiveunitinganinvitationtoreconcileTheseareallmilestonesforagrieveralonghisorherjourneythroughgrief
Aswe conclude the discussion of how to transform grief into a source ofself-knowledge toward a new identity I would like to revive the image of awindmillasametaphorforthisprocessoftransformationJustasthewindmillbladesaremovedbywindourwholebeingissweptupbythemysteryoflossThisnaturalphenomenon iswhatsparks the transformationofhardgrains intoedible flour just as loss forcesus to transform thedepthsofwhoweareThenewly created flour is the starting point of a future meal just as the newlyacquiredknowledgewehavegainedfromlossisthestartingpointofanewldquoIrdquo
ConclusionldquoSolitudehassoftsilkyhandsbutwithstrongfingersitgraspstheheartand
makesitachewithsorrowSolitudeistheallyofsorrowaswellasacompanionofspiritualexaltationrdquo
mdashKahlilGibran(200559)
GriefaffectsusonthedeepestlevelimaginableinallaspectsofourhumanitythephysicalmentalandspiritualBecausesomuchofouridentityiswrappedupinpreviousattachmentswhethergoodorbadthatidentityisstrippedawaywhenwe lose thosepersonsorobjects towhichwersquovebecomeattachedTheyoftenloomsolargelyinourworldthatwerarelytaketimetoquestionhowourlives might be affected by their absence When that moment comes we areforced to answer that question Regardless of our cultural background orreligiousaffiliationwefeel thatuniquesensationthatcomeswithlossBeyondany name we can find for it our whole being ldquoknowsrdquo what we are goingthrough
ThisbookisbornfromthatfeelingdeepwithinmeitisonemoreexpressionofhowmygriefpermeatedmyactionsthoughtsandwordsInowrealizethatfully embracing my personal grief along with my passion for working withgrievers professionally has been a way of emotionally relocatingmymotherandinevitablymyselfTheldquoIrdquospeakingtoyouinthepagesofthisbookcouldnotexistwithoutfirsthavingtransformedmyowngrief
Irsquove shared information about many aspects of grief that can help younormalize yours Please know that loss is part of the human condition andsooneror later grief is felt byallUnderstandinghowEast andWestdiffer intheir view of grief may help you tolerate your contradicting feelings andthoughtsYourpresentrealityisinawayinducedbyyourbrainBepatientallthroughoutlifeyourbrainadaptsbyrewiringitselfthroughexperiencemdashsocanyou
Irsquove offered tools to transform your physical reality through body
movementsandpostures aswell as to reshapeyourmentalpanorama throughbreath work and connect with the deep wisdom of your Spirit throughmeditation Irsquove given suggestions to tailor your practice according to yourabilitiesandneedsUnderstanding the relationshipbetween the techniquesandthewaysthetechniquesaffectgriefcaninformyourchoicesastowhichofthemtopractice
ThesimpleactofpracticingismoreimportantthananyonespecificexercisecontainedinthisbookWhathelpsyoumostisprovingtoyourselfthatyouhavetheintentiontochangePracticewillhelpyoufindwaysofkeepinganenduringconnectionwithwhoorwhathasdepartedwhilerelatingtoyournewemergingselfAsyouwitnessyourselfthepracticehasalreadybegun
ThroughthepowerofyogayouareabletoplungeintothedepthsthathousenotonlyyourpainbutalsoyourtrueselfItisoftenduringthistimethatweareabletomakereallastingchangesthatputusonanewpathtowardgreaterself-fulfillment and ultimate acceptance of the laws of the Universemdashour humbleessenceisjustonemoregrainofsandontheshoresofexistence
In our modern society we tend to trek through life at a breakneck pacestopping to look and listen only rarely either when itrsquos convenient or mostcommon when we are shocked into awareness Loss itself causes the soul-stirring awakening that transforms us even though grief asks not if we arepreparedforsuchtransformativework
Timeisanessentialpartof theprocess justnot theonlyonePayingcloseattentiontothewisdomofourSpiritisrequiredBereavementisatimewhentheSpirit can be contacted most readily because its latent power is clearlyaccessibleAsyoutranscendtheapparentdualityofexistenceyouwillfindthatlifeanddeathabsenceandpresencearepartofonecontinuumandcannotstripyouoftheloveresidingunderneathyoursuffering
TheyogapracticeIrsquovesharedwithyouisnottohelpavoidsufferingratherit is toaidyou in finding reliefAsyouexperienceyourgriefmore fullyyoumove closer to the unique being that you truly are Grief then becomes anaturally humbling invitation to self-reflection not something to be reviled orshunnedManyculturesacceptdeathasatimeofrenewalasapreciousmomentthat teaches us about the bonds we all share including the one with oneselfWhen loss occurs many of us let in loneliness for the first time As youacknowledge the life that has departed you also feel the life that still resideswithinandyouareinvitedtorecognizethatonedaythislifewilltoodepart
This isyour time toaccessasacredspacesetyour intentionsandwitness
theunfoldingoflifeonebreathinonebreathoutYouaretheonewhoneedsacknowledgmentinthismomentmorethananythingelseHereyogacanonceagain assist you Just consider one of yogarsquos core teachings ldquoWhat we arelookingforistheonewhoislookingrdquoYouareonyourwayhellip
GlossaryASANA
PhysicalmovementorposturetraditionallyfoundinthesystemofyogaByfirstaddressing thephysicalasanas help establish a strong foundation in the bodybeforemoreadvancedexercisesandmeditationareperformed
ATTACHMENTTHEORY
Theory pioneered by the behaviorist John Bowlby that discusses how we ashumanbeingsformemotionalbondsasinfantsandchildrenthatthendetermineourlove-relatedbehaviorsintoadulthood
AYURVEDA
AscienceoflifeayurmeaninglifeandvedameaningscienceorknowledgeItoffersabodyofwisdomdesignedtohelppeoplestayvitalwhilerealizingtheirfullhumanpotentialProvidingguidelinesonidealdailyandseasonalroutinesAyurvedaremindsusthathealthisthebalancedanddynamicintegrationofourenvironmentmindbodyandspirit
CHAKRAS
Energetic centers in the physical body that correspond to different nerveplexuses and endocrine glands aswell as certain emotional and psychologicaltraitsEachchakrasignifiesdifferentstagesofhumanevolution
DEGRIEFINGPROCESS
An integrated approach to grief therapy pioneered by Lyn Prashant thatincorporates bodywork traditional grief counseling and complementarytherapies
JWILLIAMWORDEN
American psychologist and grief counselor who created the ldquotasksrdquo model ofgrievingwhich identifies four tasks thegrievermust transit to fulfillanormalgrievingprocess
MEDITATION
MeditationisidentifiedbyPatanjaliwhowroteTheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliasthe primary means by which the practitioner achieves liberation It usuallyentailslimitingtherangeofchangeofthemindtobringaboutcalmandfocus
NORMALIZATION
Theconcept encountered ingrief therapy thatgrief symptomsarenormal andthat thesufferingagriever feelsaftera loss isnot tobeshunned It takes intoaccount both cultural and familial dismissals of grief This is often away forgrieverstofirstaccepttherealityoftheirlossandtostartprocessingthroughthepainoftheirgrief
PRANAYAMA
BreathingexercisestraditionallyfoundinthesystemofyogaBymanipulatingtheprana(lifeforce)pranayamaleadsustooperateontheconsciousnessitself
PRIMARYLOSS
The loss of a loved one object or ideal that occurs first and causes a typicalgriefreaction
PSYCHOPHYSIOLOGY
Multidisciplinarystudyofpsychologybiologyandneurologythatdemonstrateshowenvironmentalfactorsinfluenceusonapsychologicallevel
SADHANA
A spiritual practice that advocates a set of practical exercises to establishregularitythatsustainedovertimeleadsustospiritualfulfillment
SANKALPA
Theyogic principle ofResolveThis helps aid practitioners in identifying andsettinggoalsfortheirpracticeandthereforetheirlives
SECONDARYLOSSES
Lossesthatoccurasaresultoftheprimarylosshavingoccurred
SHATKARMA
Cleansing exercises that help purify both the body and mind preparing thepractitionerformeditation
YOGA
Asix-thousand-year-olddisciplinefromancientIndiawherebythroughphysicalexercises breath work and meditation we can overcome the suffering weencounterinlifeandcontactourSpirit
YOGACHIKITSA
Manrsquosfirstattemptatunitiveunderstandingofthemindemotionsandphysicaldistressandtheoldestholisticconceptandtherapyintheworld
YOGATHERAPY
Westernmodulationoftheoriginaldisciplineofyogaoftenperformedone-on-onethatcombinestraditionaltherapeuticmodelswiththebenefitsbestowedbythepracticeofyoga
ReferencesBegleySharon2007ldquoTheBrainHowtheBrainRewiresItselfrdquoTimeJanuary
192007httpcontenttimecomtimemagazinearticle09171158043800html
BhaktivedantaACSwamiPrabhupada1972Bhagavad-GitaasItIsLosAngelesBhaktivedantaBookTrust
Boleyn-FitzgeraldMiriam2010PicturesoftheMindWhattheNewNeuroscienceTellsUsAboutWhoWeAreNewYorkFTPress
BowlbyJohn1969AttachmentandLossVol1AttachmentNewYorkBasicBooks
BowlbyJohn1972AttachmentandLossVol2SeparationAnxietyandAngerNewYorkBasicBooks
BrezsnyRob2009PronoiaIstheAntidoteforParanoiaRevisedandExpandedHowtheWholeWorldisConspiringtoShowerYouwithBlessingsBerkeleyCANorthAtlanticBooks
BrobergAndersG2000ldquoAReviewofInterventionsintheParentndashChildRelationshipInformedbyAttachmentTheoryrdquoActaPaeligdiatrica89(434)37ndash42
BryantEdwinFed2009TheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliANewEditionTranslationandCommentaryNewYorkFarrarStrausandGiroux
DavidsonRichard2012TheEmotionalLifeofYourBrainHowItsUniquePatternsAffecttheWayYouThinkFeelandLivemdashandHowYouCanChangeThemNewYorkHudsonStreetPress
DiamondLisaM2001ldquoContributionsofPsychophysiologytoResearchonAdultAttachmentReviewandRecommendationsrdquoPersonalityandSocialPsychologyReview5(4)276ndash95
DiemerDeedre1998TheABCsofChakraTherapyAWorkbookYorkBeach
MaineSamuelWeiserInc
FreudSigmund1953ldquoMourningandMelancholiardquoInCollectedPapersVolIVeditedbyErnestJones152ndash70LondonTheHogarthPress
GardnerJames2002ldquoSomaticAspectsofLossandGriefrdquoNotesforUCBerkeleyExtensionContinuingEducationWorkshopBerkeleyCalifOctober26ndash27
GardnerJames2010ldquoTheAnxietyToolboxProgramrdquohttpwwwanxietytoolboxcomtoolboxindexhtm
GibranKahlil2005ldquoSilentSorrowrdquoInTheKahlilGibranReaderInspirationalWritingstranslatedbyAnthonlyRFerris59ndash61NewYorkCitadelPress
GoetheJohannWolfgangvon(attributed)DateunknownFromldquoUntilOneIsCommittedhelliprdquobyMeredithLeeGoetheSocietyofNorthAmericalastmodifiedMarch51998httpwwwgoethesocietyorgpagesquotescomhtml
LowenAlexander1994BioenergeticsTheRevolutionaryTherapyThatUsestheLanguageoftheBodytoHealtheProblemsoftheMindNewYorkPenguinArkana
LuncheHowardJ1999UnderstandingGriefAGuidefortheBereavedBerkeleyCASVLPress
MainMaryandJudithSolomon1986ldquoDiscoveryofanInsecureDisorientedAttachmentPatternProceduresFindingsandImplicationsfortheClassificationofBehaviorrdquoInAffectiveDevelopmentinInfancyeditedbyTBerryBrazeltonandMichaelYogmanNewYorkAblexPublishing
PanagotacosVicki2012ldquoDefiningandEnvisioningSelfrdquoInTechniquesofGriefTherapyCreativePracticesforCounselingtheBereavededitedbyRobertANeimeyerNewYorkRoutledge
Pascual-LeoneAlvaro2001ldquoTheBrainThatPlaysMusicandIsChangedByItrdquoAnnalsoftheNewYorkAcademyofSciences930315ndash29
PertCandace1997MoleculesofEmotionWhyYouFeeltheWayYouFeelNewYorkScribner
Pittman-SchulzKimberley2011ldquoLightHeldTogetherByWaterrdquoTheSunMagazineOctober162011
PrashantLyn2002TheArtofTransformingGriefAPracticalGuideforCombiningConventionalandComplementaryMind-BodyTherapiesSanAnselmoCalifSelf-published
PrashantLyn2005Keynotespeechatthe12thAnnualNationalAlzheimerrsquosConferenceMayoClinicRochesterMinnNovember
RandoTherese1993TreatmentofComplicatedMourningChampaignIllResearchPress
RawatPremPalSingh1990March16LectureatThePremRawatFoundationBuenosAiresArgentina
ReichWilhelm1949CharacterAnalysisNewYorkFarrarStrausandGiroux
RosenbaumBentandSverreVarvin2007ldquoTheInfluenceofExtremeTraumatizationonBodyMindandSocialRelationsrdquoInternationalJournalofPsychoanalysis88(6)1527ndash42
SatyanandaSwami1976FourChaptersonFreedomBiharIndiaYogaPublicationsTrust
SatyanandaSwami1985KundaliniTantraBiharIndiaYogaPublicationsTrust
SelbyJohn1992KundaliniAwakeningAGentleGuidetoChakraActivationandSpiritualGrowthNewYorkBantamBooks
StrykerRod2011TheFourDesiresCreatingaLifeofPurposeHappinessProsperityandFreedomNewYorkDelcortePress
SubramuniyaswamiSivaya1999WeaverrsquosWisdomAncientPreceptsforaPerfectLifeKapaaHIHimalayanAcademy
UlvestadElling2012ldquoPsychoneuroimmunologyTheExperientialDimensionrdquoMethodsinMolecularBiology93421ndash37
VandenBergBellisAlbertWongPetervanderVeldenHendriekBoshuizenandLindaGrievink2012ldquoDisasterExposureasaRiskFactorforMentalHealthProblemsEighteenMonthsFourandTenYearsPost-DisasterALongitudinalStudyrdquoBMCPsychiatry12147ndash60
WhitleyBellKaren2010LivingattheEndofLifeAHospiceNurseAddressestheMostCommonQuestionsNewYorkSterlingPublishing
WeintraubAmy2004YogaforDepressionACompassionateGuidetoRelieveSufferingThroughYogaNewYorkBroadwayBooks
WordenJWilliam2009GriefCounselingandGriefTherapyAHandbookfortheMentalHealthPractitioner4thedNewYorkSpringerPublishingCo
AntonioSausysMAIGTCMTRYTisasomaticpsychotherapistandyogainstructorspecializing inone-on-oneyoga therapy forpeoplewithchronicandacutemedicalconditionsaswellasemotionalimbalanceHestudiedwithyogamasters and teachers such as Indra Devi Swami Maitreyananda and LarryPayne He has continued his professional development with training inintegrative grief therapy with Lyn Prashant foot reflexology SwedishtherapeuticmassageandReikiAntonioteachesandlecturesperiodicallyattheUniversityofCaliforniaBerkeleyattheCaliforniaInstituteofIntegralStudiesKripaluCenterforYogaandHealthHeisamemberoftheWorldYogaCounciltheInternationalAssociationofYogaTherapistsandtheAssociationforDeathEducationandCounselingHeisthefounderandexecutivedirectorofYogaforHealthmdashthe International Yoga Therapy Conference and television host forYogiViewsFormoreinformationvisityogaforgriefreliefcom
TheauthorthankshisfreelanceeditorElliottVogel forhiscreativeassistanceonYogaforGriefReliefVogelisafreelancewriterandeditorAstudentofyogaforovertenyearsVogelrsquosjourneystudyingthephilosophyandpracticeofyogaoriginatedunderthetutelageofthebookrsquosauthorAntonioSausysHecurrentlyresidesinMillValleyCA
Foreword writer Lyn Prashant PhD FT IGT SYVC is a somaticthanatologist certified grief counselor massage therapist yoga instructorauthorandinternationalpresenterSheisthedirectorandfounderofDegriefingreg
(IntegrativeGriefTherapy)andtheInstituteofSomaticThanatology
- Contents
- Acknowledgments
- Foreword
- Introduction
- Grief A Normal Response to Loss
-
- Defining Grief The Western View
- Four Tasks of Mourning A Road Map for the Grieving Process
- Grief and the Brain
-
- Yoga and Grief
-
- The Five Spokes on the Wheel of Suffering
- Griefrsquos Challenge to Spirituality
- Love Beyond Attachment
-
- How the Yoga for Grief Relief Practice Works
-
- How This Practice Was Born
- The Active Principles of the Practice
- How the Practice Functions as a Whole
-
- What You Can Do The Yoga Practice
-
- Accepting Life Fully
- Unblocking the Flow of the Life Force
- Whisking Up the Feelings
- Let Go
- Sleep Better and Awaken to a New Perspective
- Control Is Somehow Possible
- Bringing Calm to a Scattered Mind and a Distressed Body
- Dissolving Old Patterns and Reprogramming the Mind with Intention
- Opening to Spirit
-
- Designing the Logistical Aspects of Your Practice
-
- Setting the Intention
- Should You Practice Alone or Under Guidance
- Is It Better to Practice Individually or in a Group
- Is It Safe to Do This Practice by Yourself
- Which Exercises Are Best for Me
- Where Should I Practice
- When Should I Practice
- For How Long Should I Practice
- Your Practice Changes as You Do
-
- The Process of Transformation
-
- Finding a New Identity After Loss
- How Can the Transformation Be Accomplished
- What Are the Possible Meanings of Finding a New Identity After Loss
-
- Conclusion
- Glossary
- References
-
PublisherrsquosNoteThispublicationisdesignedtoprovideaccurateandauthoritativeinformationinregardtothesubjectmattercoveredItissoldwiththeunderstandingthatthepublisherisnotengagedinrenderingpsychologicalfinanciallegalorotherprofessionalservicesIfexpertassistanceorcounselingisneededtheservicesofacompetentprofessionalshouldbesought
ExcerptsfromTirukuralfromWEAVERrsquoSWISDOMbySatguruSivayaSubramuniyaswamicopyrightcopy1999SatguruSivayaSubramuniyaswamiReprintedbypermissionofHimalayanAcademyldquoPhysicalAnatomyandthePsychicChakrasrdquo(chart)fromACHAKRAampKUNDALINIWORKBOOKbyJonnMumfordcopyrightcopy1994JonnMumfordReprintedbypermissionofLlewellynPublications
DistributedinCanadabyRaincoastBooksCopyrightcopy2014byAntonioSausysNewHarbingerPublicationsInc
5674ShattuckAvenueOaklandCA94609httpwwwnewharbingercom
CoverdesignbyAmyShoupTextdesignbyTracyMarieCarlsonAcquiredbyJessOrsquoBrienEditedbyMarisaSolisWiththecreativeassitanceofElliottVogelAllRightsReservedePubISBN9781608828203
LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationDataonfile
ThisbookisdedicatedtomymotherOlgaThemisMarunAvisapwhoeveninherpassinggavememoretoolsthanIcancomprehendtobecometheprofessionalIamtodayBytakingmelovinglybythehandaswepiercedtogetherthroughdifficultiesinlifeshepreparedmeforthe
transformationofthegriefherlossleftbehindintowhoIamtoday
HertrustinmeencouragedmetotakeonthisjourneyherrespectfordisciplinegavemegroundsforperseveringwhenindoubtIamawareshediedconcernedaboutnotseeingme
becomethemansheformedTheunstoppableforceofherteachingsisatestamenttohowwhileIdidloseherphysicalpresenceshewillforeverbeweavedintothetapestryofmyheart
WhereveryouareMominwhateverwayyoucanseemehereitishellipThankyouagain
ContentsAcknowledgmentsForewordIntroductionChapter1GriefANormalResponsetoLoss
DefiningGriefTheWesternViewFourTasksofMourningARoadMapfortheGrievingProcessGriefandtheBrain
Chapter2YogaandGriefTheFiveSpokesontheWheelofSufferingGriefrsquosChallengetoSpiritualityLoveBeyondAttachment
Chapter3HowtheYogaforGriefReliefPracticeWorksHowThisPracticeWasBornTheActivePrinciplesofthePracticeHowthePracticeFunctionsasaWhole
Chapter4WhatYouCanDoTheYogaPracticeAcceptingLifeFullyCompleteBreathing(MahatYogaPranayama)UnblockingtheFlowoftheLifeForceEnergyFlowSeries(Pawanmuktasana1)WhiskingUptheFeelingsWindmill(VayuChakramAsana)LetGoAttitudeofDischarging(UtthitaLolasana)SleepBetterandAwakentoaNewPerspectiveConcentratedGazing(Tratak)ControlIsSomehowPossibleAlternate-NostrilBreathing(NadiShodhanaPranayama)BringingCalmtoaScatteredMindandaDistressedBodySelf-RelaxationTechnique(AngaShaithilya)DissolvingOldPatternsandReprogrammingtheMindwithIntentionResolve(Sankalpa)OpeningtoSpiritBreathMeditation
Chapter5DesigningtheLogisticalAspectsofYourPracticeSettingtheIntentionShouldYouPracticeAloneorUnderGuidanceIsItBettertoPracticeIndividuallyorinaGroupIsItSafetoDoThisPracticebyYourselfWhichExercisesAreBestforMeWhereShouldIPracticeWhenShouldIPracticeForHowLongShouldIPracticeYourPracticeChangesasYouDo
Chapter6TheProcessofTransformationFindingaNewIdentityAfterLossHowCantheTransformationBeAccomplishedWhatArethePossibleMeaningsofFindingaNewIdentityAfterLoss
ConclusionGlossaryReferences
Acknowledgments
My deep gratitude goes to Lyn Prashant Her immense knowledge of theimplicationsofgriefforthebodyinformedandenlightenedmyunderstandingofthis difficult time for the human heart Her insightfulmentorship transformedandenligthenedmyprofessionaloutlookHercompassionandprofoundabilitytoholdspacesupportedmethroughthetransformationofmyownbereavementHergentleyetfiercecommitmenttothetruthofthesoulmovedmetolevelsofdepthstillmanifesting inmy life todayHerwisdomanddedication toservingothersinspiredmyworkIrsquomhonoredtohavehadtheopportunitytodeveloptheseedsheplantedwithinmeandIthanktheuniversalorderforhavingourpathsmeetinthislifetime
I thank Elliott Vogel whose patience dedication and creative assistancehelpedshapemywritingwhilepreservingmyownvoiceHiseditstranslatedthelanguage of my heart into adequate words that now reach the ears of thosewillingtolisten
AnimageisworthathousandwordsMysincerethankstoBryanHendonapowerfulhumanbeingwithawizardinhiseyesSeeingmyselfthroughhislensgavemeconfidenceandrevealedarenewedimageofmyself
Thanks tomy dearwifeKatiawho supportedme in somany loving andrespectfulways throughout theprocessofwriting thisbookHerbeliefguidedme back tomy self-trust so that I could continue she helpedme remove theobstaclesagainandagainThankyousweetie
Finally I must thank the wisdom of Yoga that pouring through my lifeturnedmeintoahumblevehicleoftheuniversalknowledgeweallabideby
Foreword
In1984IwaslivingattheLivingDyingProjectinSantaFeNewMexicowithmy young husbandMark He was exploring the nature of his life and deathprovokedbytheextremeafflictionofmetastasizedheadandneckcancerIwasnewlymarriedandboththegrievingwifeanddesignatedsurvivorWithMarkrsquosdeathDegriefing(IntegrativeGriefTherapy)wasbornandmylifersquosworkwasshowntome
AtfirstIquestionedhowIwasgoingtocontinuetofindmeaninginmysolojourneyIaskedMarkldquoWhoamIWhodiesWheredoyougoWhatamItodowiththerestofmyliferdquo
ldquoLearntoloveeverythingasyoulovemerdquowashissimplystatedresponseIsoughtoutprofessionals tohelpme learn todo that andyet felt invisiblenotheardnotseenIdidnrsquotevenunderstandhowtobegintolookformeAcaringand concerned friend treated me to my first experience of truly consciousbodyworkwhichhelpedmebegintotoleratebeinginmyskin
Ialsonoted thatwhenIcoaxedmygrievingbody intosomeyogaposes Ifelt the molecular shift of my internal particles reorganizing As an athletephysical education teacher and coach I saw how the physical body not onlyneedsitsownexpressionbutactuallydemandsphysicalreleaseThisresetsthebalance of the many interconnected complex biological systems involved ingriefMythinkingwasclearerafterarunoradanceoraswimIsawthatwhenIengagedmybodyIfeltenergizedratherthandrainedIwasfeelingalifeforceinside ofme resurging How could this beWas this okayWould I losemyconnectionwithMarkifthepainstartedtosubsideThisforcethisfuelwhatisitforhellipTodowhathellipToknowwhatIwasreappearinginanewversionofmyever-changingself
As I was preparing to graduate from the Grief Counseling CertificationProgramattheGraduateSchoolofProfessionalPsychologyatJFKUniversityIwas offered a position as the director of the first holistic health spa in thesouthernconeofSouthAmericaBeforedepartingtheSanFranciscoBayAreaIstatedIwouldmanifestthemostamazingyogateacherinSouthAmericaThisstatement actualized itself whenAntonio interviewed for the position of yogainstructoronthespastaffIsharedmyvisionofworkingwiththebereavedand
askedifhewouldliketoparticipateHisresponsewaspassionateandgenuineexhibitingcontinuedinterestdevotionandcommitment
YogaforGriefReliefisanoffshootoftheDegriefingprocessrepresentingtheworkof IntegrativeGriefTherapyat its core It directly relates to somaticthanatology which uses integrative therapeutic interventions as externalizingtoolsinvolvingthebodymindandspiritEachindividualchoosesandusesthetoolsthatwillhelphimorhernavigatetheuncharteredwatersofgriefYogaisthe master transformer by offering teaching and options for everything andeveryone Grief turns us inside out and upside down and so does yogacompassionately lovingly individually itmeetsuswhereweare inourselvesYogaguidesustoawayoflifethatpromoteshealthyintentionalchangeItisawayofself-loveandloveforall
IsawinAntoniotheinfinitepossibilitiesandwide-rangingopportunitiesforhimtoassistthebereavedIfoundthathishighlyskilledapproachalongwithhisexpert training in both the yogic tradition and body-oriented psychotherapyprovidedhimwithamind-bodybalancecosmicallysuitedforhislifeworkasayogamasterHeisdevotedtothehighestgoodforeveryoneandisalovingandfiercetaskmastertransmittingtheknowledgeoftheyogicwayoflivingIknewthatAntoniowastheonetocarryforththeDegriefingworkthroughYoga
ItisallhereinthisimportantbookItdelicatelycombinesandcorrelatestheuseofEasternwisdomwithWesternphilosophyWearegrievinggloballyandneedadoseofuniversalknowledgetopromotebalancewithineachoneofus
This book is a gift a friend and a tool It offers maps to demystify andnormalize aspects of grieving by presenting options for transforming ourphysical grief balancing systems compromised by its profound and humblingeffectsSincewearejumbledscatteredandshatteredalreadyweareinaprimeposition to integratenewcopingskills fora lifebased in thebuddingsenseofournewlyrevealedpersonalreality
InYogaforGriefReliefwelearntoexpressnotrepresstoexternalizenotinternalizetobreatheagainandrelocateallourlossestoourheartcentersowecan thrive within our newly met self Antoniorsquos work has furthered thedevelopment of Degriefingrsquos basic premises and illuminates the process ofworking with our grief Yoga provides support for all the systems and is thecontainerforintegrationofmind-body-spirit
Read and cherish this book digest it share it and embody the relief youseekWith the teachings of yoga and Antoniorsquos astute guidance take a deepbreathandbuckleyourpsychicseatbeltYouareonyourwayhome
mdashLynPrashantPhD
Introduction
GriefisaradicalopportunitytotransformourawarenessbutfewofusknowitWhenIwastwentyyearsoldmymotherdiedofastrokeFortwoandahalfyears I lived in a state of denial completely disconnected frommy feelingsWhenIwasfinallyabletobewithmypainIdiscoveredtomyastonishmentthatmybodyhadcreatedanadditionalcalciumdepositbetweenoneofmyribsandthebreastbonemdashwhatthebodywillsometimesdoinresponsetoafractureIn essence what my mind had been hiding my body showed with pristineclarityIhadabrokenheart
As life continued after the loss of my mother I began training with LynPrashant an outstanding grief counselor and therapist and creator of theDegriefingprocessacomprehensivemind-bodyapproachtogrieftherapyShehelpedmelearnthatgriefisoneofourleast-tappedsourcesofself-knowledgeSometime after starting to work together Lyn asked me to develop a yogapractice to address the body-centered effects of grief which can range fromfeelings of lethargy to dull aches tightness in the chest cavity shortness ofbreathandsleeplessnessIwaswellequippedthroughmytrainingasasomaticpsychotherapist and yoga teacher But it was my own personal experience ofgrief that led me to build a sadhana or spiritual discipline that eventuallybecameaholisticpracticeIcallYogaforGriefRelief
Today many of us though we donrsquot know it live in a perpetual state ofunacknowledgedgriefTherearemanyreasonsfor thisOneprimaryreason isthatweliveinasocietythatoftenshiesawayfromthepowerfulemotionsthatgriefpresentstousWeareoftenstoiclumberingthroughlosswithoutfeelingreturningtoworkorourdailylivesafterthelosslikenothinghappenedweburyourgriefdeepinsideofuswhereitremainstrappedbothinbodyandmind
Griefhappens in thebody yet thephysical symptoms that comeup in thegrievingprocessarenotalwaysdealtwithasdirectlyas theyshouldbeThesesymptomsarejustascommontothegrievingprocessasmentalandemotionalsymptomsandrequirejustasmuchattentioninordertobetreatedTalktherapycanbewonderfulbuttoooftenthebody-centeredeffectsofgriefgetsubsumedundertheemotionalissuesbeingdealtwithApersoncanatthesametimeandwith not much difficulty experience relief from these physical symptoms byperformingafewbasicexercisesTheseexercisesknowncollectivelyasyoga
weredevelopedmorethansixthousandyearsagobypeoplegiftedinthementalpowersofintuitionTheyrealizeddirectlywhatweintheWestarebeginningtounderstand today through the advent ofmodern science that the humanmindandbodytrulyshareaconnectionandinfluenceoneanotherandthat throughpracticeonecanlivefreelyinanabundanceofjoyandpresenceofSpirit
AbundanceofjoyYoumaythinkyouhavepickedupthewrongbooksincethesepagesare focusedongriefand themethods thatcanhelp thosesufferingfromitseffectsButIhaveexperiencedfirsthandthejoyyogacanprovideamidthemostoverwhelmingsorrowthehealingbroughtaboutbytheperformanceofsimple physical movements and different breathing techniquesmdashpractices youmayalreadybefamiliarwithWhatthisbookoffersisnotaldquoretreatrdquofromgriefnoraldquoreleaserdquofromgriefbutsimplysomerelieffromgriefOnceweareabletoworkphysicallywith the new reality loss has thrown us intowewill then beabletobetterunderstandwhatitisthathashappenedtousOnceweareabletoacknowledgethatononehandourliveswillneverbethesameandthatontheother hand all the potential of the universe lies within us a different picturestartstoemerge
LynPrashant affirms that ldquowedonrsquot get over our losseswe transformourrelationship to themrdquo and I agree with her one hundred percent Grief is apowerfulsourceofinformationaboutwhowearewhenwedaretolookThereisanaturalprogressionfromonetotheotherandifweareabletotransformourrelationship togrief inaway that results in improvedself-knowledge thenwecan establish a new identity We identify ourselves through the persons andthingsweareattachedtowhenwelosethemwelosepartofwhoweareYetwecontinuebeingonlyinawaythatisnotknowntousTheprocessoffindingoutwhothenewldquoonerdquoisismultilayeredItinvolvesunderstandinganddealingwith thephysical symptomsofgriefactuallycompleting thegrievingprocessandreidentifyingourselvesnotbasedonpreconceivedorprelearnednotionsbutinstead on our true essence the onewersquove come somuch closer to thanks tohavingbeenstrippedofourpreviousidentityForthattohappenwemustworkThesadhana Irsquovedevelopedoffersapracticemdashthefoundationfor theworkwemustdomdashandalongthewayIrsquollsharetoolstohelpusreapthebenefitsweareafter
Bysittingwithawarenesswestart toaccept thechangeswearenowfacedwithAsweconsciouslyworkwithandevenchallengeourlearnedreactionsweask What starts to emerge from the chaos that loss leaves behind It is agroundedindividualonewhoisable toaccept thenewrealityandtocontinuewithlifeacalmpractitionerevenacuriousyogiAndwhydowepracticeItis
for the same reason that people inmodern-day India sat in yogic postures sixthousandyearsagopracticingmeditationbecausethedesiretoresolvesufferingisuniversalWeallneedcopingmechanismsweallneedtreatmentsthatsootheourrestlessmindsandourachingbodiesbutaboveallweneedtheknowledgethatcanbegainedsimplybybaskinginonersquosinnersilence
The practice I have developed for transforming grief from a painfulexperienceintoaconscioussourceofself-knowledgeisintroducedinthisbookin a six-part sequence breathing exercises body movements cleansingtechniquesrelaxationmentalreprogrammingandmeditation
Thebreathingtechniqueshelpbringbackasenseofcontroltotheindividualbymanipulatingthepranaorvitalforcewhichhelpsunitethegapbetweentheconscious and the unconscious The body movements serve to manage thebodyrsquosphysicalsymptomsofgriefparticularlyaddressingpainandotheracutesymptomsThecleansing techniqueshelp reset theendocrinesystemaffectingthe fight-or-flight responsewhich plays an essential role in the grief reactionandthefeelingsassociatedwith itRelaxation is includedwith the intentionofdiminishing the stress levels that increase during grief The powerful yogicprincipleofResolvehelpsresetmentalpatternsandfocusesthemindtowardthetransformationofgriefFinallymeditationisusedtoaddresstheSpiritoncethebody is still and the mind is calm that which is neither body nor mind canmanifestmoreclearly
Themainasana (physical posture) of theYoga forGriefRelief practice iscalled theWindmill Symbolically the windmill serves as an analogy for theprocessoftransformationofgriefintoanewidentityTheforcesoftheunknownmdashthewindmdashpowerthemechanismsofthewindmilljustasthemysteryoflosscreatesachurninginthedepthsofourownselvesAsthewindmillutilizesthesometimeswildanddestructiveforceofwindenergytomechanicallytransformhardgrains intoedible flour the techniques in this sadhana can transformourSpiritsleftvacantbylossbutopentoreceivingtheknowledgethatexistswithinusJustasthegrainbeingpulverizedresultsinafinerqualityofflourtheyogaexercisessharedhereoperateataneurochemicallevelimprovingourmoodandstrengtheningourresolveinthefaceofinsurmountablelossNotonlydoesthephysical component of the practice make us feel better new patterns areestablished that link the conscious performance of certain exercises with anoverallsenseofwell-beingMoreneuroscientistsarediscoveringthatourbrainsare resilient organs capable of far more than we had previously given themcreditforespeciallyintherealmofemotionaldisordersandaddictionButtheconclusionsofmodernneuroscienceall seem topoint tooneessential truthof
biological determinism practice makes perfect Our brains are capable ofreformation but they require discipline Yoga is an ancient art one whosefounders realized the importance of practice for physical results in the bodylastingimpressionsoftranquilityinthemindandtheevolutionofthesoul
It is the techniques themselves that are the inspiration for this book ThepracticemdashanditseffectsmdashresonatesstronglyinmylifetodayandinthoseofmystudentswhohaveengagedinitTheaimofthispracticeistohelpyouacceptthe realityof lossand thenwork through thepainofgriefOnceapersoncanadjusttothisnewsituationorenvironmentwithoutthelovedonethenheorshecan emotionally reinvest the love attached to the lost person or object andembarkonanewlife
When lateron in lifemyfatherpassedawaydespitemyknowledgeof thegrievingprocessandtheawarenessIhaveaboutwhatpracticescanhelptraverseit nothing could save me from experiencingmdashagainmdashthat deep pain of lossThere is noway around grief going through it is the only healthyway ThisbookandthetechniquesIdemonstrateherearenotawayofldquogettingovergriefrdquoInstead of avoiding the feelings these techniques are designed to help younavigate through emotions that are not always pleasant Because of myexperienceasayogatherapistIhadanawarenessofwhatsomeofmyreactionsweregoingtobewhenmyfatherdiedandIknewIhadtoolsIcouldutilizetohelp normalize those reactions and emerge anew It ismyhope that this bookwillofferawindowtotheuniquewayyouexperienceyourowngriefandgiveyousomesimpletechniquesthatwillhelpyousafelyexplorethatexperience
Youmay benefit from reading this book if you are looking to explore orwork with grief in the intimacy of a home yoga practice or existing studioworkoutifyouwouldliketocomplementthegrieftherapythatyouarealreadyengaged in or if you work with grieving individuals in your profession andwouldliketointegratetheknowledgeofyogaintoyourexistingtoolbox
Inchapter1youwill find information thatwillhelpnormalizeyourgriefYouwillstarttounderstandtheuniquenessofyourgrievingprocessandatthesame time acknowledge someuniversal truths about it In chapter2 youwilllearnsomeofthesuccinctwisdomofyogawhichwillhelpyouunderstandgriefinadifferentculturalcontextandhowparticularenergycenters(chakras)reactwhenwegrieveThewisdomteachingsareaknowledgethatisinactioninallofusregardlessofourbackgroundsorbeliefsystems
Inchapter3youwilllearnabouteachgeneralcategoryofpracticeandhowtheycanbeusedtoaddressdifferentaspectsofthegrievingprocessChapter4
presentstheexercisesinasimplehow-tomannerincludinghoweachtechniquecan help transform grief Chapter 5 offers guidance on how to set up yourpracticeaccording towhatrsquospossible foryouandwhatyourpersonal intentionisThis chapter also showsyouhow to start framingyour ideal conditions forpractice identifying what you want to accomplish along with any possiblebarriersInanycasewhatrsquosmostimportantisthatyoumeetyourselfwhereyouareItmaysoundsimplebutisoftenachallengeforthosefacedwithloss
AfterlearningthetechniquesandstartingtoplanhowtointegratethemintoyourlifeyouwilldiscoverhowtheyogapracticeservesthegreaterprocessoftransformationthatawakensyourspiritualconnectionwithlifeInchapter6youwilllearntoidentifyoldpatternsandwaysofthinkingyouwouldliketodiscardandpromote thoseyounowwelcomeaspartof the journey towardyourmostcompleteversionofyourselfThoughyoumightnotyethavefinishedgrievingyoucan start to seeways inwhich theexperienceofgrief serves to transformyourlifebygettingtothecoreofwhoyoureallyare
AsyoureadthroughthisbookremembertobegentlewithyourselfUsethisbookasaguidedrawfrom itwhenneededand remember that inorder tobeeffective these techniquesneed to bepracticed Intellectual information is notwhatweareafter Ifourmindscould solve themysteryof lossandgriefyouwould not be reading this book nor would I have written it I hope that inreading this book and throughyour ownpractice youmay access the hiddengiftthatliestrappedinthepainfulexperienceofgrief
Chapter1
GriefANormalResponsetoLoss
Grief affects the physical mental spiritual and emotional aspects of ourhumanityItisournormalreactiontolossbutthistruismdoesnotmakeitanyeasiertodealwithWeseemtoliveasifthethingsweareattachedtoarealwaysgoing to be thereAndmany of uswere raised in cultures that do not openlyacknowledge grief When faced with the pain and shock of loss we feelawkward clueless and confused overwhelmed and unprepared to begin tosootheourselvesAphraseheardfrequentlyfromgrievingpeopleisldquoIfeelasifIamgoingcrazyrdquoSomeconsider theprocessofbereavement tobean illnessrather than a normal part of the human condition that seeks outlet andexpression The cries of heartbreak allow the body to achieve balance byfacilitatingthereleaseofstresshormonesandsoothingsomeofthephysicalpainencounteredingrief
People experience grief in different ways We experience a vast array ofemotionalandphysicalsymptomsfromtheagitatedandanxioustothelethargicanddepressedfrombodyachesandmusclestiffness todisruptionsinsleepingandeatinghabitsThecommonfactor inall thesesymptomsishowourbrainsareinvolvedinthegrievingprocessCurrentresearchexploringtherolethatthebrainplays inemotional life isdiscussedlater in thischapter inldquoGriefandtheBrainrdquo
Yoga forGriefRelief is an entireprogramdesigned to support and informyou in all aspects of bereavement Itrsquos important to recognize that while thegrieving process is profoundly uncomfortable it is actually normalHowevercomplicatedgrief that continues toprovokeunhealthybehaviorsover the longterm and that takes an extreme toll on the griever is often better served byprofessionalhelp
DefiningGriefTheWesternViewGriefisapervasiveforceendemictothehumanconditionandanessentialpartofouremotionalmakeupEachculturerelatestogriefuniquelyWhereyougrewup how openwas your society to discussing issues that produce griefWhatcommonfuneraryritualsdidyourcultureprovideWhatvalueswereextolledby
yourfamilyDidpeopleinyourlifetypicallydieathomeorinhospitalsDidyougrowupinalargehouseholdorareyouanonlychild
The answers to these questions can and often do significantly influencereactionstolossJust thinkofhowagrievermayexperiencehisorhersorrowdifferentlyifinUruguayorintheUnitedStatesItisthecustominUruguaythatfamilyandclose friends spend thenightwith themourner immediatelyafter adeathtosharethepainandsorrowstayingawakethankstoafewcupsofcoffeeThentogethertheysayfarewelltothedeceasedandputtheremainstorestIntheUnitedStatesamorecommonwayofaccompanyingamourneristoattendawakeaneventthatoccurssometimeafterthedeathinwhichpeopletellfunnystoriesmentiongoodqualitiesoftheonegoneandthencelebratethedeceasedrsquoslifelavishlywithalcoholandfood
Alsoconsideran individual living inasociety that setsasideaspecialdayforrememberingandcelebratingthedeadversusapersonlivinginaculturethatfinds the outward exposure of sorrow socially inappropriate and lacking tasteTheseculturaldifferencesalsoaffecttheopinionsviewsandbeliefsofWesternpsychologists and clinicians who often assume very contradictory views tothoseofthemonksandswamisItrainedwithduringmyinitiationtoyoga
My dual training in the fields of somatic psychotherapy and the timelesswisdom of Yoga has allowed me to experience both worldviews firsthandRegrettablyWestern culture tends to sweepgrief under the rug by ignoring itentirely or compartmentalizing it Only minimal attention to grief is allowedeffectively preventing us from understanding its nature It is skillful to askourselvesquestionssuchasldquoWhatisthefirstgreatlossIremembersufferingWhocouldItalktoHowdidIcopewiththeexperienceHowdidthepeoplearoundme actrdquoThis inquiry encourages self-awareness and understanding ofhow your family and cultural background influence your relationship to yourowngrieftoday
DespitetherichvarietyofanswerstothesequestionsIwouldliketostartbysaying that grief is our natural response to lossmdashany loss Traditionally wethink of grief as being the range of emotional and psychological responsesexperiencedafterthedeathofsomeoneweloveButdeathisnottheonlytypeoflossthatelicitsgriefSomemightfeelgriefoverthelossofaprizedpossessionapetajobadreamortheiryouthInfactIhavewitnessedhumansgrievingthelossofperceivedinvincibilityafterbreakingabonethediscontinuationofaregularlyscheduledTVshoworafavoritebrandofsneakersorhavingreachedtheendofadeliciousnovelThecombinedeffectsofourlossesbigandsmallmajorandminoraccumulateinourbodiesThejudgmentthatsomelossesare
trivial and are therefore unimportant to consider can exacerbate feelings ofconfusion isolation and shame This can interfere with a grieverrsquos ability toaccepttherealityofwhereheorsheisinhisorherpersonalprocess
TwoTypesofLosses
Identifyingprimaryandsecondary losses ishelpful forcompassionateself-reflectionTheinitiallosstheonethatoccursfirstisusuallyreferredtoastheprimary loss Losses that occur as a result of this underlying primary loss areknownassecondarylosses
Primary lossesaremoreeasily identifiedwhile the secondaryonescanbemore subtle and perhaps underacknowledged with regard to their profoundemotional intensity For example a woman whose marriage ends in divorce(primaryloss)whothensufferstheexclusionofeventspreviouslyfoundonhersocial calendar (secondary loss) is dealingwith the exponential effects of thecombined losses Perhaps her ex-husband is still being invited to events orperhapshercoupled friendsareuncomfortablewithhernewsinglestatusThesecondarylossnamedhereisthelossofhersocialnetwork
It is important to acknowledge that while each primary loss occurs onlyonce secondary losses may continue to occur and are therefore experiencedfrequently In the previous example thewoman experienced the divorce onlyoncebutthelossofhersocialnetworkisfelteverytimesheisnotinvitedoutbyldquotheirrdquo friends In addition the burden of assuming roles and responsibilitiesformerlyhandledbyherexmdashsuchaspayingthemortgagebillcheckingtheairinthetiresormanagingthehouseholdinwaysshehasnothadtobeforemdashisaconstant painful reminder of all that has been lost since the divorce Thesecondary loss continually retriggers her grief due to the primary loss of thehusband
In another example losing all of onersquos family heirlooms in a house fire(primary loss) might evoke the experience of severing onersquos ancestral past(secondary loss)Secondary lossesarenrsquotalways recognizedasvalidcausesofgriefbuttheycanbringontremendoussorrowandrepeatedlyreignitethepainthatwasexperiencedfromtheprimaryloss
SymptomsofGrief
Although no two individuals grieve in the same way there is someconsistencyintheemotionalphysicalandmentalsymptomsassociatedwiththegrievingprocessSomeofthemostcommonlyacknowledgedfeelingsthatrelateto grief can be seen in the following table (adapted with permission fromLunche1999)
EMOTIONALSYMPTOMSOFGRIEF
Shocknumbness
Sadness
Emptiness
Feelinghelpless
Feelingoutofcontrol
Anger
Guiltregret
Resentment
Depression
Lonelinesslongingyearning
Fearanxietyinsecurity
Feelingsofbetrayaldisloyalty
Diminishedself-concern
Sorrowfortheonewhodied
Desiretojointhedeceased
Suicidalfeelings
Table1Emotionalsymptomsofgrief
Even though sadness is the feeling most commonly expressed while
grieving a wide range of emotions is often determined by the quality of therelationship we had with whatrsquos been lost as well as by the circumstancessurrounding the lossAs you can see from the Emotional Symptoms ofGrieftable the impact of our grief may present many complex combinations ofemotionsaffectingusdistinctly
OneexampleofthismightbewhenanabusivehusbanddiesmdashthewifecouldfeelmorerelievedthansadWhenafathercommitssuicidethechildrenheleftbehindmaybecopingwiththeirshameandangermorethanwithdepressionInmy personal and professional experience when a relationship that was morepositiveendsfeelingsofdepressionareverylikelytosurfaceWhereasthemoreconflictedarelationshipisthegreaterthelikelihoodisthatangerandguiltwillappear
Myfatherand I finallydevelopedapristine friendshipaftermanyyearsofnot getting along What soothed my heart most after he passed were thenurturing memories of our newly established friendship Because wepainstakingly attended to all our unfinished business I could grieve his losswithoutregretorambivalenceBeingatthatpointinourrelationshipatthetimeof his passing permittedme to connectwith themore profoundly painful andchallenging aspects of my grief process and be present to experience theemotionallyjoyousandpleasantmemoriesbubblingupinsideme
FourTasksofMourningARoadMapfortheGrievingProcess
GriefpresentsuswithtremendousdualityWegrievebothuniquelyaccordingtoourlifersquosvariablesanduniversallyasallhumansdoLeadersinthefieldhavenoted specific elements of grieving suggesting they need to be addressed inordertofulfillanormalprocessSomeofthemnametheseelementsasldquostagesrdquoothersasldquophasesrdquoofgriefBothtermssuggest tomesomethingmorestaleorpassiveinnatureOfall thinkersJWilliamWorden(2009)offers themodelIfind best suited to the yogic ideal of practice In his model he names theseelements ldquotasksrdquo a term that clearly denotes the dynamism the process reallyinvolvesItprovidesanactivewaytomovethroughgriefrsquoscommonemotionalstatesWordenrsquosFourTasksofMourningare
To accept the reality of the lossAccepting the reality of the loss toWorden implies recognizing that ldquoreunion with the departed isimpossible at least in this liferdquo (39) Worden describes a searchingbehavior that is common at this level of grieving whereby a grievingpersonmightldquoseerdquothedeceasedwalkinginacrowdandrecognizeheronly then to be confronted with the reminder of her death Variousdegreesofdenialcouldbeinvolvedinordertoavoidacceptingtherealityoftheloss
To process the pain of grief The second task involves consciouslyworking with the pain of grief Worden states ldquoIt is necessary toacknowledgeandworkthroughthispainoritcanmanifestitselfthroughphysicalsymptomsorsomeformofaberrantbehaviorrdquo(44)Thissecondtask of mourning is of special significance to yoga because of theconnectionwithconsciousworkanddedicatedpractice
To adjust to a world without the deceased Worden identifies threeareasofadjustmentthataretobereckonedwithafterthelossofalovedone External adjustments relate to how coping with loss affects oureveryday life (egwhatdowedowith theworkinghourswhenwersquovejust lost a job) Internal adjustments refer to how death affects self-definitionself-esteemandonersquossenseofself-efficacy(eghowcanaspouse feel like awhole self again after losing his partner) Spiritualadjustmentsimplydealingwiththechallengesofourbeliefsystemsandvaluesasdeathshakesthefoundationofonersquosassumptionsoftheworld(eg the faithful believer questioning the existence of a justGod afterfeelingthathisprayershavenotbeenheard)
To find an enduring connection with the deceased in the midst ofembarking on a new life Worden asserts that it is essential that themourner find newways to continue honoring the deceased while stillremaining focused on creating a new life Freud (1953) describes themental process of mourning as summoning mental images of the lostlovedonedetachingthepreviouslyinvestedloveandreestablishingthefreedomofthemindWordensuggeststhatwedonotentirelyrecycletheemotionalenergypreviouslyinvestedhecitescurrentresearchthatstatesthat maintaining an active awareness of the deceased person providescomfortandstrengthtothebereaved
Although each task is essential to the process of mourning the tasksthemselves are not linear After completing all four we may be prompted torevisitanyoreachofthem
Mostofoureffortsdealingwithgriefaregeared towardavoidingsufferingfromtheunusuallyimmensepainlossinflictsonusItisDrWordenrsquosopinionthat the fulfillment of all Four Tasks of Mourning is essential to promote ahealthy and normal grieving process Otherwise we may fall into what isconsideredacomplicatedgrievingprocess Insomecasesanindividualrsquosgriefreactionisprolongedbecominganalmostchronicconditionthatmayneverbefullyresolved
Examining examples of complicated grief we often see the actualmanifestation of symptoms showing up at amuch later time in response to amorerecentunexpectedlossThisexaggeratedreactioncanmanifestasorturnintoaspecificmentalconditionsuchasclinicaldepressionInothersthegriefappearsdisguisedbysymptomsandbehaviorsthatwhileseeminglyunrelatedtogriefareactuallyexamplesofldquomaskedrdquogrief(Worden2009)Itisimportanttodifferentiate thesemarkersofcomplicatedgrief fromthenaturalway inwhichgriefoccursdownthelinecomingbackunexpectedlyattimesinrelationtolifeeventsandother timesseemingly randomandpresentinguswith feelingsandsymptomsoftheoldgriefThisconceptiswellexpressedintheworkofThereseRando who coined the term STUG Sudden Temporary Upsurge of Grief(1993)
Grief triggers grief Fresh loss naturally triggers memories feelings andsymptoms related to a previous loss Sometimes we are truly shocked at thetremendous intensity of our feelings When others who are close to usexperience loss it can easily trigger our owngrief and cause us to revisit oldlossesevenifwefeelwehavedealtwiththemalreadyPerhapsthisisareasonwhypeoplerecoilfromhearingaboutanotherrsquosgrieforbecomeuncomfortablewhentheywitnesspeopleexhibittheirgriefopenlyCounselorstherapistsandhospiceworkerswhoworkwithgrief regularly see theirowngrief retriggeredandcansufferfromtheeffectsofldquocaregiverrsquosburdenrdquo
Regardless of howour grief originates the key element is that in order togrieve a loss we need to have developed a strong emotional connection withwhat has been lost or what it represents to us We need to have formed anattachment
AttachmentTheTrueRootofGrief
ldquoAttachmentrdquo is generally defined as a feeling that binds someone to aperson thing causeor idealThis is a remarkably similardescription towhatFreudstatedwhendescribingtheobjectofgriefduringmourning(Freud1953)Psychology views attachment as ldquoan evolved behavioral system designed toregulate infantsrsquo proximity to a protector and thereby maximize chances forsurvivalrdquo according to John Bowlby (Diamond 2001 277) Later on studiesconducted byMary Ainsworth concluded that there are three major styles ofattachmentsecureambivalent-insecureandavoidant-insecure(Broberg2000)
Researchers Main and Solomon (1986) added a fourth style known asdisorganized-insecureattachmentTheseearlyattachmentstylescanhelppredictbehaviors later in life especially adult romantic love For example when anindividual is able to gain comfort from his parents as a child (ldquosecureattachmentrdquo)hetendstohavegoodself-esteemasanadultOntheotherhandwhenachilddoesnotgainmuchcomfortorcontactfromhisparents(ldquoavoidantattachmentrdquo) he develops adult behaviors that invest little or no emotion insocialandromanticrelationships
In short our early attachments constitute our first awareness of thosewholove and care for us and influence how we love as adults No matter whatattachment style we develop we are all like these infantsmdashseeking survivalclingingtowhatisfamiliarLikeapacketoffoodcoloringreleasedintoapitcherof water we can see our attachments permeate the substance of our lifeAttachment is at the core of howwe form families and how our larger socialnetwork functions For us in theWest attachment is tantamount to love ldquoIf IloveyouIamattachedtoyoubeinghereforeverrdquoThisassociationissostrongthatactionsindicatingdetachmentareusuallyseenasasignofalackoflove
OurattachmentsinformuswhenwefeelathomewhenwearelonelyandwhenweareindangerEvenatachemicallevelthebondswemakewithhumanbeingsandotherobjectsaffectusWhenthesebondsbreakwecaninvestigatethepsychophysiologicaleffectsandnormalizethemanysomaticaspectsofgriefmanifesting asphysical symptomsNow letrsquosdiscoverwhat theperspectiveofpsychophysiologycanbringtoourunderstandingofgrief
GriefandtheBrainHow does the body express what the heart and mind are going throughCurrently there is not enoughmeasurable scientific data on grief and furtherresearch isstillneededMostof theexisting informationfocusesonvictimsoftraumaAlthoughalltraumainvolvesgriefitisimportanttorememberthatnot
all grief is traumatic Western psychology usually views the body as anafterthoughtproclaimingthatthegrievingprocesshappensmainlyinourmindsMore recent research in the areas of psychology immunology andendocrinologyrevealsdatathatshowshowemotionalprocesseslikegriefaffectmore than just our mental functioning Psychophysiology shows how life-changingeventsinfluencevirtuallyeveryareaofapersonrsquosphysicalandmentalconstitution from thought patterns to emotionalwell-being immune functionandoverallhealth(RosenbaumandVarvin2007Ulvestad2012VandenBerget al 2012) Western science is just now discovering and documentingconnectionsformulatedagesagofromthemeditativeobservationsofpracticingyogisTheevidenceofthemind-bodyconnectionsdiscoveredbythesescientistsistrulyfascinatinganditsimpactintheareaofgriefworkisonlybeginningtobefelt
Two of themain symptoms associatedwith grieving are pain in the chestmuscles and disruptions of the circadian rhythms particularly the sleep cyclePeople experience a variety of symptoms that usually change as the grievingprocess unfolds What should be eminently clear from the following table(adaptedwithpermissionfromLunche1999)isthatgriefaffectsthebody
PHYSICALSYMPTOMSOFGRIEF
Pain
Feelingoftightnessinthechest
Feelingoftightnessinthethroat
Alterations in the breathing patterns (shortness of breath frequentsighing)
Fatigueexhaustionlowenergy
Sleeppatterndisruption(insomniaorexcessivesleep)
Eatingpatterndisruption(overeatingoranorexia)
Alterationofthecardiacrhythms(bradycardiatachycardiaarrhythmia)
Digestivesystemupset
Generalizedtension
Restlessnessirritability
Increasedsensitivitytostimuli
Drymouth
Table2Physicalsymptomsofgrief
Grief is mainly orchestrated by the limbic system Itrsquos a central structure
withinthenervoussystemdeeplyinvolvedinthewayweexperienceemotionsThelimbicsysteminitiallygatherssensoryinformationaboutanexperienceandcomparesthatinformationwithpreviouslystoredknowledgehousingmemoriesof past similar experiences our belief systems and cultural values It thenassigns the experience an emotional tone and integrates a response Then theoutermost sheet of neuronal tissue in the brain the neocortex processes theexperiencefurtherandassignsmeaningtoitonadeeperlevel
Alterationsofthenormalfunctionsofthelimbicsystemresultin
irritability
moodiness
depression
negativethinking
negativeperspective
sleepandappetitedisorders
socialisolation
decreasedorincreasedsexualdriveand
motivation
Manyoftheitemsonthislistofmooddisturbancesandothersymptomsare
classicfeaturesofanormalgrievingprocesssolidifyingthecaseforthelimbicsystemrsquosinvolvementWhentakingalookatothermentalandsocialsymptomsofgrief thisconnectionwith thefunctionsof the limbicsystembecomesevenclearer
MentalSymptomsofGrief
Negativeanticipatorythinking
Disbelief
Confusion
Disorientation
Absentmindedness
Forgetfulness
Poorconcentration
Distraction
Difficultyfocusingandattending
Lowmotivation
Expectingtoseethedeceased
Expectingthedeceasedtocall
Preoccupationwiththedeceased
Feelingtheneedtotellandretellthestorysurroundingtheloss
Dreamsorimagesofthedeceased
Denial
Thinkingaboutotherdeathsandlosses
SocialSymptomsofGrief
Beingisolatedbyothers
Withdrawingfromsocialactivities
Diminisheddesireforsocialactivities
Copingwithlabelslikeldquowidowedrdquoldquosinglerdquoetc
Hidinggriefbytakingcareofothers
Losingfriendsmakingnewfriends
Table3Mentalandsocialsymptomsofgrief(adaptedwithpermissionfromLunche1999)
AccordingtoDrJamesGardnerldquoGriefbeginsinthebrainrdquoandaffectsthe
brainldquofromthehighestcorticalcentersandtemporal lobestothedeepermoreprimitive structures in the limbic systemrdquo For our neurotransmitters thebuilding blocks of the brain that are essential for intercellular communicationgrief ldquoaffects the way we process some of these chemicalsrdquo including theneuropeptides(20026)
On a biochemical level we react as though our entire existence is beingthreatenedAccordingtoGardnerldquoAstheserotoninsystemisweakenedbytheemotionalstressoflosstheanxietyresponseistriggeredrdquo(20026)Hegoesontosaythatthebodyrsquosfight-or-flightreactionincludesthereleaseofadrenalineThereleaseofhormonesincreasesheartrateandbloodpressurestressfulsignalsactivate the endocrine glands and affect the heart stomach various musclegroupsand thebloodvessels themselvesOthersymptoms include thecoolingof the extremities pupil dilation tremors sweating and nausea due tohyperventilationTakingitscuesfromthebrainthebodyreactstothefullforceofthelossasamenacingdangeradirectthreattooursurvival
NeuroplasticityandItsImplicationsforGrief
Even though grief is seemingly an omnipresent challenge influencing ourbrain chemistry we might consider the following news to be positive
Neuroplasticityreferstothebrainrsquosabilitytochangeitsstructureandfunctioninresponse to experience training and practice In the twentieth century ourbrainswere thought todevelopwithinacriticalperiodduringearlychildhoodand to then remain relatively immutable This thinking meant that once wepassedthecriticalperiodofdevelopmentwewerebasicallystuckinthosewaysforeverhardwiredfixedinformandfunctionThisbeliefloweredexpectationsaboutthevalueofrehabilitationforthosewhohadsufferedbraininjuryfromastrokeforexample
Becausepsychiatricconditionsare related tospecificneuronalpathways inthebrainthisalsomeantthatoncedevelopedamentalillnesswouldbealmostimpossibletotreatsuccessfully(Begley2007)SharonBegleyajournalistwhoreportsoncurrenttrendsonhealthandsciencewroteinTimemagazineldquoTherewasgood reason for lavishly illustratedbrainbooks to show the function sizeand location of the brainrsquos structures in permanent inkrdquo This prevailing viewalso reinforced limited mental perceptions It was simply a brain-determinedrealitythatafterlosingonersquoshouseonemightneverfeeltrulyathomeagainorafterlosingaspouseonecouldneverfindloveagain
These beliefs have been challenged by findings that reveal that manyfunctions of the brain remain plastic even into adulthood Substantial changeshave been documented showing that an individual can consciously andprofoundly alter the way his or her neurons are activated in response toexperience These alterations affect both the brainrsquos physical anatomy andfunctionalorganizationsignifyingthatthebraincananddoeschange
ldquoNeuronsThatFireTogetherWireTogetherrdquo
This is a common saying in the field of neuroscience New connectionsbetweennervouscellsareformedasweengageindifferentactivitiesThesenewneuronalpathwaysarestrengthenedwhenwerepeatthoseactivitieswiringthenervouscellstogetherThemorewerepeattheseactivitiesthemorepermanenttheconnectionsbecome
Even though these findings relate to how the brain compensates for injuryanddiseasethismechanismappliestobrainactivityingeneralNeuroplasticitymakespersonalgrowthanddevelopmentpossiblebyallowingthenervecellsinthebrain toadjust theiractivities in response tonewsituationsandchanges intheir environment Although this process is automatic and happensindependentlyoutsidetherealmofconsciousintentionwecaninfactenhance
thesought-afterresultsbyincreasingconsciouspracticeThemorepracticethemoreingrainedorimprintedthenewconnectionsbecome
ResearchconductedonmusiciansbyneuroscientistAlvaroPascual-LeoneaprofessorofneurologyatHarvardUniversityindicatesthatwhiletheprocessistriggered by actual practicemere thought can also alter the physical structureandfunctionofourgraymatter(2001)Hefoundthattheincreasedbrainsurfaceactivated in subjects after practicing an instrument was equal to those wholdquothoughtrdquo of the scales to be practiced This revelation is important whenunderstandinggriefbecauseitvalidatestheuseoftechniquessuchasSankalpaor Resolve which uses repetition of statements that reflect a desired state ofbeingtoinducethebraintoremapitselftowardsuchareality
TheBrainrsquosInsatiableQuestforHappiness
A special area of interest for those performing current research inneurosciencehasbeenstudyingthebrainsofBuddhistmonksduringmeditationtoobservewhetherthereisanymeasurablechangeinbrainactivitywiththeuseof contemplativepractices Inorder tounderstandhowourbrains conduct ourinsatiablequestforhappinesssomethingthemonksarebelievedtoexperiencethanks to meditation Richard Davidson a neuroscientist at the University ofWisconsinatMadisonconductedstudiestofindoutifwecanthinkofemotionsmoods and states suchascompassionasmental skills that could somehowbeingrainedinapersonthroughtrainingWhencomparingtheactivityinthebrainsofthegroupofmonksversusthoseofacontrolgroupwhodidnotmeditatethemoststrikingdifferencewasinanareaintheleftprefrontalcortexbelievedtobethesiteofactivitythatsignalshappiness(Davidson2012)Whilethemonkswere generating feelings of compassion activity in the left prefrontal cortexswamped activity in the right prefrontal cortex to a degree never before seenfrom purely mental activity (The right prefrontal cortex is associated withnegative moods) On the other hand the individuals belonging to the controlgroup showed no such differences between the left prefrontal cortex and therightAccordingtoDavidson thissuggests that thepositivestateisaskill thatcanbelearned
PracticeReshapesYourBrain
Thenewunderstandingofneuroplasticityrelatedtothepowerofthemindrsquosability to change our brains promises something fundamental for theunderstanding of grief By employing intentional and conscious physical andmental practice we can change our relationship to ourselves during ouremotionallyfluctuatinggrievingprocessEachactionweperformeachthoughtwe think each word we speak then becomes an arrow shot into the field ofmanifestationanopportunityforanewconnectioninthebraintomodifytheoldandemphasizetheestablishmentofanewidentity
While the focus of this book is not brain biology or neurochemistry it isimportant tounderstand justhowstronga forcegrief isRegardingourmentaland emotional landscape we now comprehend that our emotional life isinformedbythethoughtswethinkbyhowthebrainitselfreactstoexperiencesinstructingourbodies tobehaveYounow seehowmanyof the symptomsofgrief directly relate to how our brains reactwhen facing loss Recall how theattachmentstopeoplefromtheearlieststagesofourlifeformulateourpsychicbasis for the adult emotions of love and compassion Loss is a real materialexperience affecting us at every layer of our existence The following table(adapted with permission from Lunche 1999) indicates profound changes inbehaviorswhenwearegrievingAswedeepenourunderstandingofhowourbrains serve as the basis for many of these symptoms we can normalizeprofoundchangesthatarepowerfullyalteringrealityasweknewit
BehavioralSymptomsofGrief
Crying(sometimesunexpectedly)
Searchingforthedeceased
Carryingspecialobjects
Goingtothegravesite
Makingandkeepinganaltar
Keepingbelongingsintact
Lookingatphotosorvideosofthedeceased
Listeningtoaudiorecordingsofthedeceased
Talkingtothedeceased
Avoidingsituationsthatarousegrief
Changesindailyroutine
ldquoStayingbusyrdquo
Assumingmannerismsofthedeceased
Table4Behavioralsymptomsofgrief
By getting a sense of how intensely all systems are involved in the
bereavement process it becomes more evident that engaging certain yogaexercisesintendedtounitemindandbodyareeffectiveinbringingbackasenseof cohesion and personal control in times of grief Through breath workphysical movements and specific techniques designed to for example helpresetthefunctioningoftheendocrinesystemwecantakethisinformationaboutgriefandputittogooduseWecanapplytoolstointegrateconsciousresponsesthat help our brains reshape themselves in an active and insightfulwayYogahelpsustobemorepresentforourfeelingsofgriefanditisperhapsthemostcompletebodyofpracticalknowledgeyoucanseekout
Wewill now look at what this ancient discipline expresses as to whywegrieveandhowgriefrelatestoitsprecursorattachment
Chapter2
YogaandGrief
Yogarsquos quest to resolve human suffering is probably as old as the disciplineitself Since yogarsquos entrance into mainstream Western culture it has beentailored to meet the needs of a variety of practitioners Western styles andmodulations of yoga have complemented the ancient original schools orbranchesOne of the results of this diversification has been the emergence ofyoga therapy This system is perfectly designed for the application of yogarsquosteachings philosophy and unique methods for addressing and transformingpersonal imbalances manifesting as diseases or disorders Even though otherdisciplinessuchasyogachikitsaandAyurvedadealwiththetherapeuticprocessyoga therapy isactuallymorehelpful inaddressing thegrievingprocess in thebodymindandspirit
I have come to understand grief as one of the most prevailing andunacknowledged feelings in the human heart through my personal andprofessional experiences As a yogi I recognize the need for a more Spirit-centeredapproachtodealingwithgriefWitnessingtheeffectsonmystudentsalongwithmypersonalexperienceofpracticingyogaformanyyearshasgivenmeadeepunderstandingofyogarsquoseffectivenessintreatinggrief
Initially yoga helps us to manage some of the physical and emotionalsymptomsofgriefAsonersquospracticedeepensyogaoffersprofoundinsightsintothe difference between the suffering intrinsic to grief and that of attachmentwhich I call the precondition for grief Letrsquos examine some philosophicalunderpinningsofyogaandhowtheycandemystifyourrelationshiptogrief
TheFiveSpokesontheWheelofSufferingThefirstextantwrittenworkonyogathatpresentsacomprehensivephilosophyonthenatureofsufferingandhowtoalleviateitisTheYogaSutrasofPatanjali(Bryant2009)InthistextattachmentmdashthepreconditionforgriefmdashisnamedasoneofthefiverootcausesofsufferingthatinevitablyleadtopainandconfusionTogethertheyare
ignoranceofthetruth
egoism
attachment
aversionand
fearofdeath
IgnoranceofthetruthreferstoignoringtheessentialrulesthattheuniverseabidesbyAnexampleof this is to expect a flower tobeborn fullybloomedthen develop backward decreasing in size until it becomes a seed Thismisapprehension can be seen as a metaphor of life in general all livingorganismshaveadefinitebeginningandaperiodofdevelopmentandthenmeettheir end Therefore anyone contesting the flowerrsquos organic nature promotespersonalsuffering
Egoismreferstofalseidentificationwiththemindandbodyexclusivelyandignoring the Spirit The nature of both body andmind is one of craving Thebody craves heat food touch and rest the mind craves acknowledgmentidentificationandseekschangeOnceanyofourneedsbecomesatisfied thenimmediatelythenextonekicksinTheSpiritconverselyneedsnothingbecauseitcontainseverythingandisthesourceofeverythingByincludingourSpiritinour identificationwegaincontactwithanaspectofourselves that issatisfiedtrulyandcompletely(Satyananda1976)
Attachment refers to our dependency on the permanence of a personrsquospresence or an objectrsquos continued availability to produce and sustain ourhappinessAttachmentcomesfromthepositiveexperienceswehaveinlifeandthememoriesweforminassociationwiththemSinceallthingsarebytheirtruenatureabsolutely impermanentoursuffering isensuredwhen thingsdisappearordieOf the fivecausesof suffering attachmenthas aparticularly importantroleingriefandisthereforediscussedfurtherinthefollowingsection
Aversion is the opposite of attachment and is derived from negativeexperiencesinlifeItrefers tothingswedonrsquot likepromptingustoturnawayfrom them Because the likelihood of all things happening is evenly spreadacross the spectrumof reality thingswedonrsquot likewill inevitablyoccurmdashandwesufferyetagain
Fearof death refers to a feeling human beings experience as part of theiremotional makeup Because death is inevitable fearing it is a sure ticket tosufferingRegardlessofhoworwhenweinstinctivelyknowwhatwefearwill
arriveatsomepointThesefivecausesofsufferingbecomelikeawheelinahamstercageLike
naivehamsterswehurlthewheelintoperpetualmotionrunningtowardnoendIfwechoosetoignoretheessentialtruthwebecomeidentifiedwithourbodiesandmindsonlyThisleadsustogenerateattachmentsandaversionstheultimatebeingaversion toourowndeath ignoring the truth thatwe toowill inevitablydie
In Four Chapters on Freedom Swami Satyanandarsquos commentary on TheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliwearetoldthatourldquodesireforliferdquoisldquosustainedbyitsownforcerdquo(1976154)Itisbecauseofanattachmenttoourphysicalbodytheswami says that we cling to life and fear natural processes like disease anddeath Since grief appears as a result of losing those things or personswe areattachedtoTheYogaSutrascanexplaintheintimaterelationshipbetweengriefand suffering I am not suggesting that if we could somehow eliminateattachment our liveswould be problem-free and all sufferingwould end ThefourothercausesareequallypotentandimportantCouldsimplyenvisioningtheeliminationofsufferingbringsomeeasetoourmindsByjustbeingconsciousof the five causes of sufferingwe combat the initial barrier of ignorance thatpreventsusfromknowingourtrueselves
AttachmentItsSpecialRoleforGrievers
ThenegativeimplicationsofattachmentarequitedifficultforushumanstocomprehendWhyisdealingwithattachmentsodifficultWeformattachmentsto perpetuate the comfort and safety we are accustomed to receive from thethings andpersonswe attach toYetwe can never know just how long thosethingsorpersonswillremainFormingattachmentsseemstobeinherentinthehumancondition
Yoga addresses this uncertainty and invokes the universal truth that ldquoAllthings come to an endrdquo This calms the mindrsquos craving for knowledge andprovidesananswertotheyearningquestionmanygrieversaskthemselvesafteralossWhy
When we form attachments we are relying on the permanence of thingsWhenthosethingsvanishtheresultforusisapredictableonewesufferIntheepic Indian tale of the Bhagavad Gita prince Arjuna turns to his charioteerKrishnaforcounselonthebattlefieldWhileseeminglyjustadvisingthewarrioronmilitarystrategyLordKrishnaactuallyimpartsdeepspiritualwisdomtothe
unknowingseekerHeidentifiesattachmentasthebeginningofachainreactionofturbulentemotions
ldquoWhilecontemplatingtheobjectsofthesensesapersondevelops
attachmentforthemandfromsuchattachmentlustdevelopsandfromangerlustarisesrdquo
mdashVerse62(1972122)
ldquoFromangercompletedelusionarisesandfromdelusionbewildermentofmemoryWhenmemoryisbewilderedintelligenceislostandwhenintelligence
islostonefallsdownagainintothematerialpoolrdquo
mdashVerse63(1972123)
This explanation of how attachment manifests in human beings is anillumination from a realized master such as Krishna to the aspiring yogi(Bhaktivedanta 1972) This sage wisdom applies to every one of us who islearningandaspiringhereonEarthFormotherswhoseheightenedattachmentwith their infants is directly connected to the continued survival of theiroffspringenvisioningalifeofnonattachmentseemsnearlyimpossibleFormostofhumanitythatisalsotrueYetyogaoffersuspureknowledgethatappliestolifewithintheframeworkofwhatisfeasibleforeachoneofusYogadoesnotjustrelyonphilosophyhowevertoexplainwhywegrieveitpinpointsgriefinanahatachakraaspecificplaceinthebody
ExploringtheChakrasandHowTheyRelatetoGrief
TheSanskritwordchakra translates toldquowheelrdquo inEnglishThisevokesanimage of swirling energy the stirring of emotional and psychic contents Thesevenchakrasconfigureapathwaymovingfromprimalemotionsandsensations(fearangerdisgust)toloveandcompassionandspiritualconnection
According to yoga philosophy human beings are in a state of continuousevolutionThisevolutionissymbolizedbythespiralingmovementofkundalinian invisible energy that when awakened flows upward from the base of the
spine to the topof thehead (Satyananda1985)During its course this energymakes contact with several psychic centers (chakras) each of which signifiesdifferentstagesinourjourneytowardcompleteselfhoodJohnSelbystatesthateachchakracorrespondstoamajorendocrineglandamainautonomicnerveorgroupofnervesandthefunctionstheyregulatewithinthebodyandaspecificmanifestationoraspectofhumanconsciousness(1992)
The chakra system is a brilliant map for understanding the connectionbetweenmindbodyandspirit Itoffersadiagnostic toolaswell asa fieldofoperation for understanding and managing some of the difficult emotionsinvolved in griefGetting in touchwith these emotions unveils aspects of thepotential life lessons hidden in the symptoms we are experiencingWe beginmakingconnectionsbetweenthesensationswefeel inourbodiesandhowourthinkingisaffectedbysuchsensationsWitnessinghowthethreeessentialpartsofourselvesmdashthementalthephysicalandthespiritualmdashinteractweareabletoseethateachthoughtandemotionhasacorrelatewithinourphysicalbodyThisrecognitionfacilitatesourjourneyofintegrationandevolutionofconsciousness
ROOTCHAKRATHESURVIVOR
Thefirstchakra(mooladhara)islocatedatthepelvicfloorandcorrespondswiththecoccygealplexusofnervesInmenitliesintheperineumbetweentheurinary and excretory openings In women it is situated inside the posteriorsurfaceofthecervix
This chakra relates to our feelings and perceptions and the bodily
mechanisms associatedwith our survival and explains the fear some grievershavewithregardtotheirabilitytocontinuesimplygoingonlivingafteralossIn fact even when we are actually safe and secure there can be underlyingthoughtsandemotionsthatturnonthefight-or-flightresponsewhichproducesan increased heart rate and sweaty palms Because this is a basic ldquosurvivalmoderdquo reaction typicalofhumanbeings it canbe interpretedasa first chakraemanation symbolizing our primary instinct for survival our clinging toexistencewhilefearingnaturalprocesseslikedeath
We recognize how attachment to pleasure-giving sensory objects andaversiontowardexternalsourcesofdispleasurebecomehardwiredWhenfacedwith grief we can understand how oftentimes the griever wishes to join thedeceasedasifhisorherverysurvivalwerelinkedtothecontinuityofthebondBecausegriefcanseduceustomistakenlyidentifythelossofalovedoneasathreattoourexistencetheresultcanbeanaturalinclinationtomergewiththedeceased
Becauseofitsconnectionwiththematerialworldwealsoseeinthischakrathe difficulty grievers typically experience in performing the usual tasks thatensurephysicallifeThefatiguethatmanypeoplefeelduringgriefisalsotypicalofanimbalancein thiscenterThischakra isapotentsourceofallourearthlydesiresandthefeargreedandpossessivenesswemightfeelwhengrievingareassociated with it An example could be wishing to hold on to a deceasedrsquostreasuredobjectsorpossessions
Additionallybecause the firstchakra isassociatedwith thesenseofsmellthe common occurrence of grievers being reminded suddenly of the deceasedbased on encountering a smell associated with that person can be seen asemanatingfromthischakra
SACRALCHAKRATHEBIRTHPLACEOFDESIRE
Thesecondchakra(swadhisthana)isfoundatthebaseofthespineItrelatestothesacralplexusofnervesandsymbolizestheunconsciousItisalsorelatedto our overall emotional awareness and ability to experience our feelingsStronglyconnectedtothesexualorgansandtheirproductsdesiresandcravingstakeondefiniteformanddirectioninthischakraThischakraisalsoassociatedwithmovementespeciallyemotionaltypesofmovementIntermsofgrieftheinvolvementofthischakracanmanifestasalackofsexualdesireorconverselyastrengtheningofsexualappetiteThedifficultysomeexperience inaccessingintimacy or being social with others is a typical characteristic of a disturbed
secondchakraTheassociatedsensewiththischakraistasteSometimesthereisa certain taste some grievers notice along with other more typical symptomssuchasdrymouthanddisruptionsofnormaleatinghabits
NAVALCHAKRAWILLPOWERMADEMANIFEST
Thethirdchakra(manipura)sitsalongthespinalcolumndirectlybehindthenavelItcorrespondstothesolarplexusandphysiologicallyrelatestodigestionassimilationand temperature regulation in thebodyThischakrarepresentsanimportant step in the evolution of consciousness because it connects ourwillpowerwithourdesirespromotingmanifestationonthephysicalplaneThedifficulty inmaking decisions felt bymany grievers is an involvement of thethirdchakraWebecomeconfusedas towhat courseof action isbestbecauseourwillpowerissoprofoundlycompromisedWesometimesresorttotakingnoactionatall lacking themotivationneeded toconfront thefearof thechangeswearefacing
Some individuals throw themselves into work Others place a heightenedemphasis on an exuberant social life after loss to keep away from the painfullack of familiarity with the new unchartered reality The literal translation ofmanipura isldquocityof jewelsrdquoandit refers to thepreciousgemsofactionlyingdormant in this centerwaiting tobeunearthedby thepowerofour consciousintention The associated sense for this chakra is sight and I believe it canexplaincommonexperiencessomebereavedhaveofnotseeingthingsthatareinplainsightmdashforexamplesearchingfranticallyforhousekeysonlytofindthemintheappropriateplace justafewminutes laterornotseeingtheexitsignonthefreewayeventhoughitisthesameexitagrieverhastakenforthepastfiveyearswhen returninghomeEvenldquoseeingrdquo thedeceasedwithin themidst of acrowdonabusystreetcouldberelatedtothethirdchakra
HEARTCHAKRATHEREFUGEOFLOVE
Thefourthchakra(anahata)liesinthevertebralcolumnbehindthebaseoftheheart at the levelof thedepression in the sternum It relates to thecardiacplexusofnerveswhichinfluencesthefunctioningoftheheartandlungsThesearetwokeyareasthatareoftenaffectedbygriefmanifestingasdisruptionsofbothcardiacandbreathingrhythmsTheheartchakracorrespondstothethymusglandwhich relates to immunefunctionDuringbereavement it iscommon toexperienceanexacerbationofpreexistinghealthconditionsoranincreasedriskforsicknessduetoimmunesystemdepressionThischakraisthequintessentialblendingofmatterandSpirittheevolutionaryoasisonourpathtowardspiritual
fulfillmentItiswhereemotionalbondingandattachmentaredevelopedAstheseatofhumanloveitalsorelatestothepowerofloveasahealingforce
ThesenseassociatedwithanahataistouchIngriefthissenseisimportantbecause through touchwe fully experience theabsenceof thatwhichwehavelost Just think of the needmany individuals feel for touch after spousal lossImaginehowliberatingahugcanfeeltofacilitatethepowerfulreleaseofpent-upemotion
THROATCHAKRATHEPOWEROFSOUND
Thefifthchakra(vishuddhi)liesatthelevelofthethroatpitinthevertebralcolumnThischakracorrespondstothecervicalplexusofnervesandrelatestothethyroidglandandalsocertainsystemsofarticulationtheupperpalateandtheepiglottisThe thyroidrsquos involvement iskey ingrief thedisturbanceof theproductionof adrenaline canbe the sourceof feelingsofdepletion aswell asweight gain or loss that cannot be directly attributable to changes in eatinghabitsThiscentercanalsobethesourceforsomeofthehormonalimbalancesandmoodswingsexperiencedwhengrieving
Vishuddhi chakra is known as the purification centerwhere the powers ofcommunicationlieItdealssymbolicallywithsoundandvibrationOftenthosegrieving have difficulty talking about their grief or articulating their feelingsaboutalossTheoverwhelmingneedforsomegrievingindividualstohavetheirstories heard is another indication of this chakrarsquos involvement Because theassociatedsensewiththischakraishearingwecanunderstandtheimportanceofvoicingpainfulaswellasjoyfulmemoriesinthemidstoflossFifth-chakradisturbancescanalsoresultinsorethroatsandpainintheneckandshouldersmdashareasverycommonlyaffectedbygriefThesensationoffeelingchokedcanbeassociatedwiththischakraaswell
THIRD-EYECHAKRAWISDOMFOUNDWITHIN
The sixth chakra (ajna) lies in themidline of the brain directly above thespinal columnandcorrespondswith thepinealglandThischakracontrols themuscles and theonset of sexual activity inhumans It has control over all thefunctionsofthebodyItisthechakraofpuremindrepresentingahigherlevelofawarenessItisusuallycalledtheldquothirdeyerdquoanditissaidthatwhereasthetwophysicaleyes lookoutward the thirdeye looks inward In thatsense it revealsthe intuitive knowledge independent from the information supplied by thesenses
Ajnaisthewitnessingcenterwhereonebecomesthedetachedobserverofallevents including those within the body and the mind Sleep disorders are atypicalinvolvementofthischakrabecauseofitsrelationshiptothepinealglandand its main biochemical product melatonin Because of its connection withinner vision we might experience broader issues related to our perceptionfinding difficulty in seeing the road ahead Other common symptoms includecoordinationproblemssuchasaccidentallybumpingintothefurniture
On a positive note this chakra serves as a reminder that it is by lookingwithin that we find the source of all the feelings and thoughts that come upduringtheupheavalcreatedbylossBywitnessingtheendlessfluctuationsandchangeswithinourownmindswecanapproachstillnessInessencewhileourmindsstruggletounderstandourlossesourSpiritsknowandarereadytoacceptthem as a part of the normal cycle of life and existence The source of theknowledge thatwecanapply toprocessgriefcomesfromourconnectionwiththe intuitivewisdom the Spirit has rather than the acquired knowledge of thedualisticmindItisbecauseofthisdualisticaspectofthemindwhichisunableto recognize the night if it does not know the day that we cling to thepermanence of things attempting to ensure the continuance of the treasuredconnectionsThemindstrugglestounderstandthateventhoughalovedonemaybeabsentheorsheisstillpresentandinterwoveninthefabricofouridentity
CROWNCHAKRAWITNESSTOAGREATERREALITY
The seventh chakra (sahasrara) is the culmination of the kundalinirsquosenergeticpathwayseenastheseatofhigherawarenessItissituatedatthetopof the head and is physically correlated to the pituitary gland called theldquocommandcenterrdquowhichregulatestheentireendocrinesystemOnasymboliclevel it is in thischakrawhere thedualmindis transcendedandweenter intoperfectconsciousharmonywiththeonenessoftheuniverseWhenthischakraisout of balance during bereavement it results in depression alienation andconfusionThischakraalsorelatestothechallengesthatgriefimposesononersquosownspiritualbeliefs
BodyArmorADifferentTakeontheChakras
Thechakrasystemidentifiesspecificlocationsinthebodyandrelatesthemwith different types of emotions Wilhelm Reich the famous Austrianpsychoanalystcameupwithasimilarnotionwhenhedescribedhisconceptof
ldquobodyarmorrdquoheanalyzedhowmentalconflictsareexpressedinthebodyoftenthroughmuscularornervoustensionandhowthismechanismcouldbeintendedto protect the consciousness from accessing psychic content associated withtheseareas(1949)
EssentiallyReichrsquosviewis thatweshieldourselveswith thestiffarmorofmuscular tensionandassociatedbody language toavoidexperiencingnegativefeelingsThefieldsofpsychosomaticmedicineandsomaticpsychotherapyhavefurtherdeepenedthestudyof thesemechanismsandfoundrevealingcorrelatesbetweendiseaseprocessesandwhatanindividualisgoingthroughinhisorheremotional and psychic life For example when an individual is dealing withboundaryissuesheorshemightdevelopaskinconditionWhensomeonefindsit intolerable toexamineonersquos realityeyeproblemsmightdevelopOfcoursenothing is quite as simple as the examplesgivenyet the relationshipbetweenourmindsandourbodiesisundeniable
Whenconsideringthewidevarietyofsymptomsfoundingrief itbecomesevidentthatgriefaffectsthewholebeingUnderstandingthesignificanceofthechakrasinourphysicalbodiesandhowtheyrelatetoouroverallexperienceiskeyinourthinkingaboutgriefwhenpracticingBylearningthedifferentrolesthat the chakras play in our bodies and how they affect us emotionally theeffects of our yoga practice are deepened Exploring our knowledge of thechakrasystemleadstoanefficientandhelpfulwaytounderstandthemind-bodyconnectionanditsrelationshiptothevaryingsymptomsofgrief
TheHeartChakraAStartingPointforGrief
Although all chakras are involved during the grieving process the heartchakraistheprimaryonewhentalkingaboutgriefBecauseemotionalbondingdevelopsthereanahata isanessentialchakratoaddresswhenbuildingayogapracticeforaddressingthesymptomsandconsideringthenatureofthegrievingprocess It is thebridgebetween the lowerchakrasand thehigherones In thewords of John Selby ldquo[B]elow the heart chakra lies the world of matter ofsurvivalandprocreationofmanipulationandmasteryoverthephysicalrealmsof life Above lies the world of Spirit of pure thought and intuition ofinterpersonalcommunicationandultimatelyuniversalunityandtranscendenceTheheartchakrainitsmostbasicsenseisthemarriageofmatterandspiritofconcrete and abstract of knowledge andwisdomof earth andheavenrdquo (1992147) It represents a specifically human kind of evolution the growth of
humanityoutofdepthsoflowerordersandemotionsAs theseatof love thischakra iswhereour truechallenge lieswhen loss
occurswemustgothroughthedifficulttransitionfromldquolovinginpresencerdquotoldquolovinginabsencerdquoWecanskillfullyaskourselvesaboutthelosswearefacingIsourgriefaconsequenceofpureloveorpureattachmentItmaybeinterestingto notice the overlapping of these closely related emotions but according toyogathereisindeedadifferenceAsitissaidinyogaldquoLoveiswhatrsquosleftafteryoursquove let go of everything you loverdquo In this sense attachment can be seenpracticallyastheoppositeofloveaconceptthatmanifestsinsuchphrasesasldquoIfyoulovesomethingletitgordquo
YogarsquosquestforunconditionallovealsopertainstotheideathatlovingwiththeconditionofpresenceisnotrealloveldquoIloveyouaslongasyouarearoundrdquoisaratherlimitingconceptonethatdoesnothonortheexpansivenessofloveItis yet another example of the dualistic mind that validates reality based onphysicalpresenceWhatwecannotseewhatwecannottouchwetendtotreatas nonexistent To accept that love continues despite the absence of ourattachmentwemust transcenddualistic thinkingandembrace the inevitabilityofchange
Practicing yoga helps us to better understand this duality of love andattachment By developing a deeper awareness of and working on our heartchakraandthephysicalsensationsandfunctionsassociatedwithitanindividualcan experience enlightening expansion resulting in profound healingWe gainthe ability to synthesize our physical mental and spiritual awareness into apractice that acknowledges both the relocation of the deceased and onersquos owncontinuedpresenceon thisplaneofexistenceWhatbetterwaytohonora lostlovedone
GriefrsquosChallengetoSpiritualityldquoNot yet settled in a permanent home the soul takes temporary shelter in abodyrdquo says Kural 340 (Subramuniyaswami 1999 136) Ultimately thedifferencebetween traditionalpsychotherapyrsquos treatmentof thegrieverand theyogicviewisthespecialattentionyogagivestotheSpiritThesolutionforallcausesofsufferingofferedinTheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliistoreducethemtotheir source and deal with the resistance of the mind through meditation(Satyananda1976)Someofthespiritualsymptomsassociatedwithgriefcanbeseeninthefollowingtable
SPIRITUALSYMPTOMSOFGRIEF
FeelingangryatGod
AskingquestionsaboutGodlikeWhywouldGodallowthis
Asking questions about death and the deceased such asWhere is shenow Is he okay Can she see meWill I see him againWhat willhappenwhenIdie
Sensingthedeceasedrsquospresence
Hearingsmellingorseeingthedeceased
Havingdeathaffirmorchallengebeliefs
Experiencingawewondermystery
Reflectingonpersonalfinitude
Feelingtheneedtocontinuearelationshipwiththedeceased
Table5Spiritualsymptomsofgrief
ForsomegrieverslosscausesasplitfromspiritualityDoubtssurfaceabout
how life can continue in any meaningful way after someone dies Godrsquosgoodness is questionedwhen a child is killed People often feel anger towardGodwhenthelosstheyaregoingthroughseemssenselessorunfairForothersa similar loss can actually be a creative spark to onersquos individual spiritualjourney igniting a flame that yearns to connect with their untapped SpiritInquirymightresultinfindingnewanswersorindiscardingtheoldones
Especially in the case of death the losseswewitness force us to face ourownmortalityWeanalyzeandquestion thenatureof therelationshipwehavewith our own Spirit Impermanence as we know it forces us to question ourbeliefstoinquireaboutthemeaningoflifeandtowonderabouttheunknownYogadrawsinspirationfromthistypeofself-inquiryIfinfactasyogateachesuswe have everythingwe need for a good life then goingwithin seems therightdirectiontotakeSearchingfortheSpiritwithinthenbecomesarefugeavalidplaceforunderstandingandcreatingmeaningoutofloss
LoveBeyondAttachmentGrief and suffering are intrinsically intertwinedTherefore yoga as a spiritualdisciplineisanaturalfitasausefulsystemtoaddressgriefGriefrsquosrelationshiptoattachmentdepicts thenormalreaction tooneof thefiveessentialcausesofsufferingasstatedbythesagePatanjaliestablishinghowloveisdifferentfromalmostopposite to attachmentPlacedemotionallyandphysically inourheartchakra love is the positive expression of the chakra and attachment is thenegativeone
IntheWesternviewattachmentequalsloveandisalmostapreconditionforsurvivalBased on this leaders in the field of griefwork find that one of thegoalsofgriefcounselingand therapy is todevelopnewhealthierattachmentsAccordingtotheteachingsofyogathiscourseofactionleadstomoresufferingand actually undermines the transformative potential of our own grievingprocessByaccepting theultimate truths that theuniverse isbasedonandbyrelyingontheimpermanenceofourobjectsofattachmentwecandeveloptrueand enduring love that transcends the limitations of the physical placing lovebeyondattachmentOnly thendoweget in touchwithour trueessencemdashonlythenratherthanendingourjourneybeginshellip
ldquoThesoulrsquosattachmenttothebodyislikethatofafledglingwhichforsakes
itsemptyshellandfliesawayrdquo
mdashKural338(Subramuniyaswami1999136)
Any valid practical model destined to help those who are grieving mustinclude the spiritual challenges that grief presents It must also deal with thewaysinwhichthebodyexpressesgriefandthemindacknowledgestheresultingsuffering
The following chapter demonstrates my contribution to assist grievingindividualswith the complexities that grief entailsOutof necessitywebeginthe journeyofpracticebymeetinganydifficultieswith the forcesofwillTheresults of the practice itself and the wisdom one receives from thistransformativeendeavorwillbothamazeandinspireyou
Chapter3
HowtheYogaforGriefReliefPracticeWorks
Regardless of which worldviewmdashWestern or Easternmdashsuits you best it isimportant to remember that you must meet yourself where you are In thischapter I offer insights related to the purposeof each categoryof exercises inrelation to grief so that you can better understand how to address your needsBeforethatbeginsletrsquostakealookatanimportantprinciplethatappliestoyogaingeneralThetoolisneverasimportantastheonewhoiswieldingit
A piece of information an exercise or a technique is only useful if theoperatoriscautiousrespectfulcapableandconsciousWhetheryoupreferthepsychology-based approach of the Western model or the more spiritualunderstandingofEasternphilosophywhatrsquosmost important is toidentifywhatyouwanttodowithyourgriefbypracticingyogaThetoolsthatyouareabouttoreceivewillhelpaidyouinyourpursuit
Hereisametaphorthatmayhelpyoutounderstandthepowerofawarenesslocatedwithin yourself as you begin the practiceThe blacksmith can alwaysforge himself a new hammer but the hammer cannot make itself a newblacksmith In other words you will see that the process of reidentificationsproutsfromthesorrowfulseedsthatlieamidyourowngrief
As you start tomove through the pain of loss ask yourself how youwillapproachandengage in theyogapracticeWhatwouldyou like toaccomplishwith it As you incorporate various techniques to help cope with differentsymptoms encountered in your grief you will notice changes in your bodymind and emotionsYour experience each timeyoupracticemaybeuniquelydistinctchangingdependingonthedayyourmoodyourphysicalstateoryourlife circumstances Sometimes doing the same yoga technique in themorninginstead of in the evening might reveal distinct information and produce verydifferenteffectsonthepractitionerAsyoureadthischapterkeepinmindthattheintentionofthepracticeistocontactthatpartofyourselfthatknowsnolossSome call it the observer the higher self or the true witness of all yourexperiences
HowThisPracticeWasBorn
When I originally created this practice for transforming grief a suitablesequence of techniquesmdashthe best possible information to serve grievingindividualsmdashcamepouringfromwithinmewithuncannyeaseIcanonlyrefertothisexperienceasanactofpureyogicinspirationForyearsIfeltshyaboutsharingthewayinwhichthispracticecametolifeDespitemystrongsenseofits therapeutic effectiveness I feared peoplewould underestimate the value ofthesequencebecauseithadnotrequiredmonthsofstruggleelaboratestudyordemanding intellectual focus Experiencing this spontaneous reception ofaccurateandappropriateinformationproducedinthedepthofmybeinggavemehumility and awe Even personally knowing the magic of yoga I still feltawkward about the easewithwhich this perfectly applicable sadhana showeditselfunveilingtomethetoolstoworkwiththebereaved
Sincethatextraordinarymomentbackin1994Ihavepersonallywitnessedthe power of Yoga for Grief Relief at work Whether in clinical or informalsettingsgrouporprivatesessionsprofessionaltrainingsorpersonalretreatsthetransformationalpowerofthissadhanacontinuestoamazeme
Incidentally it was much later that I was able to identify that preciousmissingelement inmyawarenessyoga iswithineachoneofusalreadyThisknowledge often manifests as intuition that influences our creativity and allaspectsofourlivesInitiallymyinsightsaboutthebodyrsquosinherentinvolvementinthegrievingprocesscamefrommyownexperienceIwitnessedhowmybodyexpressedwhatmymind could not accept regarding the death ofmy belovedmother
When shedied Iwasayoungmanadamantly refusing toacceptherdeathandthepainthatresultedfromitInsteadIcameupwithmultipleexcusesforescaping my present reality cleverly supporting my behavioral choices withthoughtsthatseemedtoworkItoldmyselfthatmymomdidnotbringmeuptobeasadcreaturemourningherdeathineverycornerofourhouseSoIbusiedmyselfwithstudyinganddistractedmyselfwithtripstothebeachIlookedforexcitementdancingallnightlongdrinkingandhavingablast
Two years after her death the denial of the impact and the tearing ofmyheartmanifestedphysicallyasabonespurrightinthecenterofmychestwhereone of my ribs meets the breastbone It resembled calcifications that areproduced internally after a fractureorchestratedby thebody to strengthen theskeletalsystemYesIhadabrokenheartandmybodyshowedthattome
When the Yoga for Grief Relief practice assumed its full form it wasembracedbypractitionersasausefulsetoftoolsaffirmingtheeffectivenessand
perfectionofengagingancientyogatoaddressthevarioussymptomsofmodern-daygriefAsIcarefullybuilttheYogaforGriefReliefprogramIfirstincludedexercises that I thoughtwould take careof themoreobviousbodily effectsofgriefNextIaddressedtheproblemofperceptionsofthebereavedmindinordertoeffectchange in theneuroendocrinesystemFinally Isought tohelppeoplechangetheirperceptionofthelossandredefinethemselvesbasedonanewfoundself-awareness
TheActivePrinciplesofthePracticeYogaoffers techniques toenhanceourawarenessof the inherentvibrantunityamong body mind and spirit For the body yoga offers asanas or physicalmovementsthatimprovevitalfunctionsandenhanceemotionalawarenessForthemindyogausespranayamaorbreathworkBecausethequalityandrhythmof our breathing changes as we experience different thoughts and emotionsactivelyworkingwithourbreathingpatternscanbeausefulwaytoaddressthementalsymptomsencounteredingriefFinallyyogaoffersmeditationtoaddressthe Spirit since once the body is still and themind entertained thatwhich isneithermindnorbodycanmorefullymanifest
The yoga system is precise in how it prescribes exercises for specificsymptomsmuchlikeWesternmedicinedoesyetitisuniqueinacknowledgingthat each exercise addresses the full being The six significant categories thathelpustomovethroughthegrievingprocessarebreathworkbodymovementscleansingtechniquesrelaxationmindreprogrammingandmeditation
PranayamaIntroducingLifeControlThroughBreathWork
Pranayamainvolvesworkingdirectlywithourmostabundantlife-bestowingenergy our breath (prana) These exercises restore our sense of control byconnecting us to our innermost vitalitywhich easily falls out of balance afterlossConsciouslyworkingwithourbreathhelpstoreestablishbalanceandcopewith the fearsome loss of control that grief often presents It also helps us toacquaintourselveswithourmindsmoreintimatelytoobservethewaysinwhichweprocessouremotionsBasedonthisobservationwecandecidewhichtoolsweneedtousetoactivateourenergywhenfeelingdepletedortorelaxandfeelcalmwhenfeelinganxious
Because breathing is automatic and normally performed unconsciously
working consciously with the breath helps us to bridge the gap betweenconsciousandunconsciousEach timeweengage thebreath thiswaywehelpunite the intentional conscious mind and the more hidden unconscious mindallowingustofocusonthoseaspectsthatremainintheshadowycornersofourawareness
It is impossible to change thatwhichwe donrsquot knowor acknowledgeWeneed to recognize the existence of somethingbeforewe can transform it It isthroughourbreathawarenessthatweanchorourauthenticexperiencebringingattention to life in the present moment Our challenge is acknowledging theactual moment as is rather than what we think about it the intention is toactuallyexperienceandviewtheconcreterealityofthemoment
InUruguaywhereIwasbornthereisapopularsayingldquoAlifeistowriteabook to plant a tree and to bring up a childrdquoMy spiritualmasterMaharajiPremPalSinghRawatgivesitabeautiful twistsayingldquoLifeisonebreathinandonebreathoutnomorenolessSoactuallywritingabookplantingatreeorbringingupachildarelsquostoriesrsquoofliferdquo(1990)Givingpresencetoourbreathwegivepresencetoourlifeaswell
ThetediousnatureofthebereavementprocessdemandsoratleastrequestspatienceandawarenesssomethingconsciousbreathingdevelopsAfterallitisnotpossibletotakethenextbreathbeforethepresentoneiscompletethisistheonlywayinwhichlifecanhappenjustonebreathatatime
AsanaToolsforTransformingtheBody
Specificphysicalposesalterthesymptomsofgriefbyaddressingpainlackofenergyandvariousstructuralmalformationsourbodiescancontortintosuchashunchedbacksorcaved-inchestsThesetoolsforsomatictransformationcanbeputintopracticetopromotemovementofthephysicalandpsychiccontentsin the body Essentially any symptom whether psychological or physicalindicatesablockageofenergyresultinginthedisruptionofthenaturalbalanceofourhealthBypromotingthemovementofenergyweallowthelifeforcetoflowtothoseplacesin thebodythatneedit themostWealsobringthelatentcontentsofourmindstothesurfaceofconsciousnessmakingthemavailabletowitnessexploreandultimatelytransform
Our bodies are profoundly involved in the grieving process and infinitelywiserthanourmindsTappingintothebodyrsquoswisdomthroughmovementwhilemonitoring our intensified sensations and feelings gives us a much-needed
awarenessoftheconnectionofbodyandmindIntentionallyengagingourbodyin thesepractices is essential for our continuedoptimalhealth andwell-beingEstablishingtheconnectionmentallyandphysicallyallowsthemindtousethebodyasananchorduringtimesofunrest
Whenfacedwithanexperiencethatweperceiveas threateningwetendtoshield ourselveswith emotional armor built from previous pain and sufferingHabituallycuttingofftheflowofourlifeforcetoavoidcontactwithunpleasantfeelings literallypreventsus fromprocessing thepainofour emotionsLikeahouseofcardsbuiltonillusionthischaradedepletesourresourcesanddistractsusfromthetaskofworkingwithourauthenticfeelings
Performing these asanas challenges the holdings of the bodyrsquos armor (seeldquoBodyArmorADifferent Take on theChakrasrdquo in chapter 2) and helps thenatural energy hubs (chakras) connect enhancing the continuous flow ofconsciousness By stirring up the emotional and psychic contents held in themusclememorywe can connectwith our story throughour bodyrsquos display ofbothstrengthandweakness
As you will find many of the asanas presented here support the bodyrsquosvigorouschallengetofacethesymptomsofgriefYogicactionisgreatlyvaluedand especially effective in transforming griefAmong themanyother benefitsyoga offers choosing specific postures helps the body release some of theunwantedgrief-inducedchemicalspresentinthebloodstream
ShatkarmaACleansingTechniquefortheMind
Shatkarmaisagroupofyogiccleansingtechniquesusedtoreleaseemotionsthoughtsorphysicalexperiencestrappedinthebody-mindThisprocesscanbelikened to cleaning the surface of a crystal First it allows us to dealwith thegrime then it addresseswhat lies below and finally it encounters the pristineclarityofthecrystalundisturbedbywhatcloudedit
Intheparticularcaseofdealingwithgriefbeliefsystemsworldviewsandpreexistingmentalprogrammingusuallycloudourability toperceiveourgriefasnormalThetoxicbyproductsofstressthedebilitatingactionontheimmunesystem and the neurologically induced negative anticipatory thinking can andmustbetransformedsowecanstarttofeelbetteranddiligentlyandpurposefullyaccessthehiddengemfoundwithingrief
RelaxationCombatingStress
Relaxing practices such asanga shaithilya or self-relaxation are vital fordiminishing stress levels that areusuallyheightenedduringgriefAdjusting toournewundefinedrealityoften involves learningnewcopingskillsForsomeof us that alone can increase stress Relaxation is a potent normalizer andantidotetodealwiththeresultingsymptomsofbothsomaticallyexpressedstressandmentalanguishAngashaithilyaalsohelpsregulatedisturbedvitalfunctionssuch as breathing and cardiac rhythms sleep cycles and eating habitsRelaxation is also fundamental in helping the body achieve homeostasisbalancing blood-pressure levels and resetting the overall endocrine systemwhich in turnhelps to reduceourdramaticmoodswingsandgeneral stateofirritability
SankalpaResettingtheMind
OneofthemosteffectivementalreprogrammingtechniquesyogapossessesisSankalpa thepowerfulyogicprinciple referred toasldquoResolverdquoSettingourintentionorsayingaprayeroftenoutloudcanhelpresetthebrainandfocusthemind The application for grief in particular helps address the scattered andshatteredlinearthinkingthat issocharacteristicofgriefByfocusingthemindand identifying the present situation grieving individuals can clarify whatspecificchanges they intend toaccomplishThis tool is simplycalledResolveanditsurelyldquoresolvesrdquoThispracticeengagesourfullpresenceindicatingthatone is resolved to take the next step Resolve combats negative anticipatorythinking that stems from grief-induced disturbances of the limbic system Itaccomplishesthisbyformulatingintentionsonlyinthepresenttenseproducingpositive mental alignment and offering a powerful antidote for fear-basedruminations
MeditationTheChiefTechniquetoAddresstheSpirit
Many people think meditation involves stopping the mind Due to thiserroneousmisconceptionmanyfrustratedandconfusedseekerschoosetototallydiscard meditation In truth the attempt to stop the mind is futile since itcontradictsthemindrsquosinherentfunctioningwhichconstantlyshiftsfromthepast
tothefuturefromtherealtothefantasizedRatherthanattemptingtostopthemindmeditationofferstheever-changingmindalimitedrangeofchangemdashforexamplegoingfromchantingoneomtoanotherormovingfromonerepetitionoftheRosarytoanotheroneThisinturncomfortablydistractsthemindduetoanaturalfeatureofthebrainthatmaskspermanentstimuli
TobetterunderstandthismaskingfeatureimaginesomeonewhomovestoanewhomeinfrontofrailroadtracksandhearseachandeverypassingtrainAfewmonthslaterwhileentertainingathomeadinnerguestexpressesprofoundconcernabouttheintensenoiseldquoWowthesetrainsmustdriveyoucrazyrdquoThehostqueriesunthinkinglyldquoWhattrainsrdquo
HowthePracticeFunctionsasaWholeThe sadhana that Irsquove developed follows its own inherent rhythm leading usthroughprogressivesteps for transforminggriefFirst ithelpsusprepare tobepresentforthefullpaletteofourfeelingsthenitpromotestheproperflowoflifeforcecreatingoptimalconditionsforhealingNext itstirs theemotionalheartdeepeningourconnectionwithouremotionsandthenitprovidesanoutletforthe ones we want to release Subsequently it offers some control over theemotionalrollercoasterofgriefsothatbalancecanthenbeachievedThroughrelaxation thedeep releaseof internalandexternal stressors follows readyingthemindtoaccessnewprogrammingWethenhaveamoredirectunobstructedpathwaytothedepthofourSpiritforcreativelyredefiningournewidentity
OvercomingBarrierstoPractice
ThesadhanapresentedinthisbookisapracticeThereforeitrequiresyourcommitment to practice for you to reap the desired benefits This may seemobvious toyouyet that isnot so formanypeopleSomehope thatby simplyreadingthismaterialtheirsymptomswillspontaneouslyabateOthersalthoughencouragedby the results seenafter just a few initial rounds simplywill stoppracticebecausetheydonothavethewillorstrengthwithintocontinueSomereport that they donrsquot practice because of lack of appropriate support othersbecausetheyarewaitingforthemostidealconditionsthatneverseemtoshowupAlloftheseareexcusesthatcanandmustberesolved
SuccessinyogaandtheabilitytomanifestthebestpossiblelifeisbasedontwocoreprinciplespracticeandnonattachmentWorkingonnonattachment is
byfarmoredifficultthanworkingonestablishingapracticeEspeciallyduringexcruciatingly difficultmoments of bereavement the grievingmindmaywellresisttalkingaboutorconfrontingtheconceptofnonattachment
Asstatedinchapter1weonlygrievethelossofthatwhichweareattachedto This statement depicts exactly how grief and attachment are intrinsicallyintertwined
Eachpartofthesadhanaservestheoverallgoaloftransformingthecomplexexperience of grief by promoting body mind and spirit integration andrejuvenation
To accommodate the emotional waves and inherent fluctuations in thebereavementprocessIsuggestmaintaininganattitudeofdetachmenttowardtheimmediateresultsofpracticeSomedaysyourpracticewillbeintenseonothersitmaybemilderSomedaysyouwill feel content after practicing other daysyourpracticemighttakeyoutoplacesthatfeellessthansatisfyingThedeeperbenefitswill comeas a result of establishing a regular practiceKeep inmindthatinthebest-casescenarioaseriousdedicatedpracticecanactuallyleadonetononattachment
In the following chapter I will demonstrate how to do the practicesthemselveshoweachpracticehelpsusandhowtoestablishthebestlogisticstoensureasuccessfulpractice
Chapter4
WhatYouCanDoTheYogaPractice
This chapter features the sadhana a sequence of exercises presented in asimplewayandaspecificorderbestsuitedtoaidinyourgrievingprocessThepreviouschaptersharedinformationexplainingthegeneraleffectsofeachgroupof exercises This chapter explains how each technique specifically addressesgriefandhow topracticeeachoneby followingstep-by-step instructionsThechapter that follows this one will help you discern how and when to use theexercisesandifneedbehowtoadaptthemaccordingtoyourpersonalabilitiesand needsYoumay benefit from familiarizing yourselfwith both chapters asyou embark on your practice alternating between the two while learning thetechniquesandplanninghowtointegratethemintoyourlife
Hereisanat-a-glancelistofthesadhanaexercises(alongwiththeirSanskritnames)intheorderIproposetheybepracticedin
YogaforGriefReliefSadhana
Pranayama
CompleteBreathing(MahatYogaPranayama)
Asana
EnergyFlowSeries(Pawanmuktasana1)
Windmill(VayuChakramAsana)
AttitudeofDischarging(UtthitaLolasana)
Shatkarma
ConcentratedGazing(Tratak)
Pranayama
Alternate-NostrilBreathing(NadiShodhanaPranayama)
Relax
Self-RelaxationTechnique(AngaShaithilya)
MentalReprogramming
Resolve(Sankalpa)
Meditation
BreathMeditation
AcceptingLifeFully
ldquoLifeisonebreathinandonebreathouthelliprdquo
mdashPremPalSinghRawat
PracticingCompleteBreathingallowsyoutogetintouchwiththequintessentialmovementinyourlifeonebreathinandonebreathoutDuringbereavementthemindisconfusedinitsattempttograspanewrealityandtendstoruminateonthepastoranticipateanegativefutureSinceneitherof these tendenciesallowyoutoinhabitthepresentmdashtheonlyplacetoreallybemdashitisimportanttobringawarenesstowhatlifeisreallylikeinthemomentThisexercisecalmsthemindwhilethebodybenefitsfromreceivingaproperintakeofoxygenwhichhelpstoalleviatetheshortnessofbreathcommonlypresentwhengrieving
CompleteBreathing(MahatYogaPranayama)
Prior toactuallypracticingCompleteBreathing letrsquos takea lookatapreparatoryexercisethatwillhelpyoubetteridentifythethreepartsinvolvedinthetechnique
PreparationforCompleteBreathing
1 Lieonyourbackfindacomfortablepositionandplaceyourarmsatyoursideswithpalmsfacingup
2 ConnectwithyourbreathandobservethebreathrsquosnaturalrhythmObservetheinvolvementofyourbellyribsandchestinyourbreath
3 BringyourrighthandtothelowerbellykeepingtheelbowonthefloorBringthelefthandontoyourchestInhalebringingairmostlytothebellyExhalesoftlycontractingthebellyContinuetobreathethiswayforafewroundsNotethatatthistimethereshouldbenomovementofyourlefthandorintheribcageareaWitnesstherighthandmovingupanddownwhiletheleftremainsstill
4 Nowmovebothhandstotheribcageplacingthethumbatthebackoftheribscloseto
thespineandyourfingersinfrontMakesurethattheinneredgeofthehands(thumbtothetipoftheindexfinger)followsthecurveofyourribsRestthetipoftheindexfingerasclosetothefrontpartoftheribsasyoucanInhaleallowingtheribstoexpandExhaleallowingtheribstocomebacktowardthecenterofyourbodyastheycontractCompresstheribsslightlytowardthecenterofthebodywithyourhandsattheendoftheexhalationContinuetobreathethiswayforafewroundsNotethatthechestandbellyshouldexperiencelittlemovementatthistime
5 PlaceyourhandsbackatyoursidesforamomentbeforebringingthemtotheirpreviouspositionlefthandatthechestrighthandatthelowerbellyInhaleallowingthechesttofillupNoticethecollarbonesmovingtowardthejawboneThenexhaleallowingthechesttosoftlycontractasitreturnstotheoriginalpositionContinuetobreathethiswayforafewroundsAtthistimethereshouldbenomovementofthebellytherighthandortheribcagearea
Now that each phase of breathing has been broken down for you bring it together insequenceasCompleteBreathing
CompleteBreathing
1 Inhaleslowlyexpandingyourabdomen
2 Thenfullyexpandyourribs
3 Thenexpandthechestoutwardandupward
4 Exhalerelaxingfirsttheabdomenthentheribsandthenthechestfirstdownwardandtheninward
5 PracticecontinuousinhalationsandexhalationsTheremaybeatendencytoallowthebellytofallwhilebringingairintothechestDoyourbesttokeepthebellyfullduringinhalationandasyoucontinuetoengagetheremainingparts
Suggestedtime5minutes
Benefits
Itmaximizesyourinhalationsandexhalations
Ithelpsyougaincontrolofthebreathcorrectsalteredbreathingpatternsandincreasesoxygenintake
Itbringsawarenesstotheareawherethemainchakrasarelocatedthereforeenhancingconsciousconnectionwithrelatedthoughtsandsensations
Itservesasasymbolicacceptanceofthetotalityofthegrievingprocess
Ithelpspromoteapsychologicalsensationofgreatercontroloverlife
Precautions
Thewholeprocessshouldbeonecontinuousmovement
Eachphaseofbreathingmovesintothenextwithoutanyobvioustransitionpoint
Ifexperiencinglowerbackpainplaceacushionorothersupportunderyourknees
Contraindications
None
On a psychosomatic level by engaging your abdominal muscles duringCompleteBreathing you can connectwith gut feelings such as anger fear orguiltRawfeelingsexperiencedbytheheartoftenencounterresistancefromthemindThere isa reasonwhymanypeople refer to feelinganxiousashavingaknotintheirstomach
TheintercostalmusclesholdtheribstogetherandrelatetosafetyTheyarethemusclesthathelpprotectourpreciousvitalorgansItiscommontoseetherib cage locked in defensewith frightened and abused individualsBy tensingthe intercostals an individual attempts to re-create a sense of security that isbeing threatened Asking yourself questions to identify the threatmdashldquoWhat isthreateningmeHowcanImaintainasenseofsecurityWhatmightIneedtodordquomdashcanskillfullyelicitmuch-neededintrospectionAllowingtheribcagetoexpandissymbolicofyourintentiontobeflexibleregardingsafety
ThepectoralbreathrelatestoemotionsoryourelaboratedgutfeelingsMostofusfirstfilterourgutfeelingsthroughtheparametersofwhatweconsidersafethen transform them into complex emotions including other aspects related toourbeliefsystemsintellectualconsiderationslearneddefensemechanismsandmore
ldquoThewayinwhichyoubreatheisametaphorforthewayinwhichyouareliving your lifeAre you taking little sips of breath as though you donrsquot havepermission to takeupmuchspaceon theplanetrdquoasksAmyWeintraub(2004125)YourpracticeofCompleteBreathingissymbolicofyourcommitmenttoafullbreathandafulllifeThereforeyouareabletotrulyinhabitthepresentanddealwiththefeelingsthatgriefstirsupYoumightnotlikethesefeelingsyetitisnecessarytobepresentforthemiftheintentionistomovethroughthegriefprocess in a healthy way By exhaling fully you are also committing tocompletelylettinggoofwhatnolongerservesyoumdashperhapsagoodtrade-off
SomepeopleknowadifferentwayofpracticingthistechniquecalledDurgausingbellyribsandchesttoinhalebutexhalingusingchestfirstthenribsandbelly last I propose using belly ribs then chest for both inhalation andexhalation because it facilitates filling and also emptying the lungs mostefficiently Imagine one of those tubes of frosting with a metal tip used fordecoratingcakesIfyoureallywanttoemptyityoumustfirstpressthebottomthen the middle and last the tip The same applies to the lungs which arebasicallytwotriangleswiththebasefacingtowardthebottomofthetorsoThelungsemptymostcompletelywhen lowering thebelly first then theribs thenthechestThisactionalsoallowsforastrongerinhalationaftereachexhalationbecause nothing can be filled up completely if it has not been previously
emptiedAfter you havemastered the use of the three areas involved in this breath
workpleasepracticeCompleteBreathingusingyourpersonalbreathingrhythmPracticingbreathinginthewayIrsquoveindicatedcanbesymbolicallyusedasasignofyourwillingness toembrace thefullnessofyourgrievingprocessOnce thebreath is made conscious and its use enhanced by the practice of CompleteBreathingthenwecanattempttocontroltheflowoflifeforce
UnblockingtheFlowoftheLifeForceThisasanaseriesisamasterpieceofyogamdashatruegemmdashthoughperhapsduetoits simplicity deceptive power and gentle efficiency it is not alwaysacknowledged as such Unblocking the life forcersquos flow is essential whenattemptingtoregainhealthandpromotechangeThewordpawanmeansldquodivinewindrdquo and relates to the life force that comes with the breathmukta meansldquoreleaserdquo and asana means ldquoposerdquo Therefore pawanmuktasana translates toposes that removeblockages thatprevent thefree flowofenergy inbothbodyandmind This technique should be practiced from beginning to end withoutskippinganypart
EnergyFlowSeries(Pawanmuktasana1)
Sitwithyourlegsstraightandyourhandsbehindyourbodyfingerspointingawayfromyourtoes
ToeBending
1 Bringawarenesstoyourtoes
2 Nowrollthetoesforwardthenback
3 Keepyourawarenessonyourtoes
AnkleBending
1 Separateyourlegsslightlysothatwhenyouperformanklerotationsyourfeetdonottouch
2 Bringawarenesstoyourankles
3 RotateyouranklesinoppositedirectionskeepingthetoesrelaxedMakeaswidearotationasyoucomfortablycan
4 Nowreversedirections
KneeBending
1 Bringawarenesstoyourknees
2 Liedownonyourbackwithyourhandsunderthesacrumpalmsfacingdownandthesolesofyourfeetonthefloorkneesbent
3 Straightenyourrightlegupfully
4 Letthecalffallbendingattheknee
5 Nowswitchlegsandrepeat
6 Onceyouhavecycledthroughbothlegsstretchyourlegsoutfullyonthefloorremovingyourhandsfromunderthesacrumandlyingflatcontinuetobeawareofyourknees
HipRotation
1 Bringyourawarenesstothehips
2 Lifttherightlegslightlyoffthefloor
3 CrosstherightleglowovertheleftlegtowardyourleftarmkeepingthekneestraightKeepyourgluteusmusclesbackandshouldersflatonthefloortoavoidtwistingyourwaist
4 Bendtherightkneebringingittowardyourface
5 Opentherightlegouttotherightandstraightentheknee
6 Bringtherightlegtowardtheleftleg
7 Continuewiththerotationmakinganotherlargecircle
8 Repeatthecyclewiththesamelegbutrotateintheoppositedirection
9 Repeatwiththeleftleg
SpinalTwistProstrationPose
1 Bringyourawarenesstothewaist
2 Situpfromthelyingdownpositionandspreadyourlegsapart
3 Inhaleandbendthebodyforwardbringingyourarmstowardyourtoes
4 NowswingtheupperbodytotheleftandonanexhalebringyourtorsodowntothefloorcreatingatwistatthewaistYoushouldendupwithyourhandsandchinonthefloorandelbowsupMakesureyouleaveyourrightbuttockasclosetothefloorasyoucanwhilealsobringingtheleftshoulderdowntowardthefloor
5 Nowinhaleandcomeupswingingtheupperbodybacktowardyourfeet
6 Onanexhaleswingthebodytotherightside
7 Repeat
Besureyourchinrestswherethebackofyourheadwouldbeifyouwerelyingdown
HandClenching
1 Findacomfortablesittingposition
2 Keepingthespinestraightbringyourhandstothekneeswithpalmsfacingup
3 Bringawarenesstoyourfingers
4 Stretchthearmsforwardandstretchyourfingersspreadingthemapart
5 Thenbendyourfingersincreatingtwofists
6 Uncurlyourfingersandbringyourhandsbackdowntorestonyourkneeskeepingawarenessonyourfingers
Wrist-JointRotation
1 Moveawarenesstoyourwrists
2 StretchthearmsforwardagainmakingtwofistsKeepyourthumbsinsidethefists
3 KeepingyourhandsinthatpositionbringthemupandrotateyourwristsinoppositedirectionsKeepyourarmsparallelwiththefloorandmakesuretokeepthemstraighttheforearmsfacingdownrotatingonlythewrists
4 Nowreversethedirection
5 Bringyourhandsbacktothekneesrelaxthemandremainwithyourawarenessonthewrists
ElbowBending
1 Bringyourawarenesstotheelbows
2 Stretchtherightarmforwardwithpalmfacinguparmparalleltothefloor
3 Holdtherightarmwiththelefthandatthebicepareasupportingthewholearmsoitremainsatshoulderlevel
4 Bendtheelbowbringingyourfingerstotheshoulder
5 Nowlettheforearmfallforwardstraighteningyourarmagainwiththepalmfacingup
6 Changearmsandrepeat
7 Nowbringyourarmsdownrelaxingthemandplacingyourhandsattheknees
8 Keepyourawarenessontheelbows
ShoulderSocketRotation
1 Bringawarenesstoyourshoulders
2 Onaninhalemovethetipsofyourfingerstothetipsofyourshoulders
3 ExhaleplacingtheelbowstogetherinfrontofyourchestYourelbowsshouldtouch
4 InhalebringingtheelbowsupthenbackMakesurethehandstouchatthebackoftheneck
5 ExhalebringingtheelbowsdownthenforwardcompletingthecircleMakesuretokeeptheneckrelaxed
6 Repeattheexercisewiththeelbowsrotatingintheoppositedirection
7 Whendonebringyourhandstorestonthekneesrelaxingtheshoulders
NeckRotations
1 Bringawarenesstoyourneck
2 Lettheheadfallforward
3 Nowbringtheheadupthenletitrollbackopeningthemouthslightly
4 Repeatthemotion
5 Nowbringyourheadbackstraighttoitsoriginalpositionandtiltitslightlytotherightbringingtherighteardowntowardtherightshoulder
6 BringtheheadbackupandtiltittotheleftbringingthelefteardowntowardtheleftshoulderDonrsquotturnyourneckonlymovethehead
7 Nowbringthechindowntoyourchest
8 Bringthechinupandmoveittowardtherightshoulder
9 Thenbringyourchinuppointingittowardtheceiling
10 Nowmoveyourchintowardtheleftshoulder
11 Thenbringitdowntowardthechest
12 ReversedirectionsRemembertokeepyourshouldersandhandsrelaxedasyoucyclethroughthemovementsKeepyourawarenessonyourneck
Suggestednumberofrepetitionsnolessthan3timeseachmovement
Suggestedtime10minutes
Benefits
Itpromotesthefreeflowoflifeforce
Itoptimizestheconditionsforhealing
Itstimulatesproperlymphaticdrainage
Itimprovesproperjointfunctionalitycombatingtheeffectsofarthritisandotherdegenerativeillnesses
Itrelaxesthemusclesofthebodyandtheimpulsesthattravelbacktothebrainrelaxingthemind
Ittunesuptheautonomicnerves
Itbalanceshormonalfunctions
Itimprovesvitalorganfunctions
Itimprovestheattentivefacultyofthemind
Precautions
Stayfocusedoneachbodypartpriortomovingitwhilemovingitandafterwardaswell
BesensitivetopainassociatedwithpotentialpoppingsoundswhenmovingthehipsIfthepoppingisnotpainfulyoumightcontinue
IfmomentarilyunabletoperformamovementdonotskipthatjointorplaceRathervisualizethemovementasfullyasyouareabletothencontinuewiththesubsequentjoint
Contraindications
Thisseriesneedstobemodifiedifyouhaveinjuriesorlimitationsinanyparticularjointinvolved
Thosesufferingfromsciaticaorlowerbackndashrelatedconditionsshouldbesensitivetopainwhenperformingthoseasanasthatinvolvethisareaofthebody
Theneckexercisesshouldnotbeperformedfullybythosesufferingfromhighbloodpressureorextremecervicalspondylosis
As we free the energy in our body it flows from healthy places tocompromised areas promoting the flow of the life force nourishing the bodyfromwithinandallowingittohealGriefisnotanillnessalthoughattimeswecertainlyfeelquitesickOurbodiesacheyearningforthereestablishmentofourwell-beingAspracticehelpstorestoreorderandproperoverallfunctioningwearemoreequippedtocopewithgrievoushealthdisturbances
Placing our awareness on each joint helps us gain deeper contact withourselvesheighteningourperceptionofsensationsandfeelingsinthebody
Doing this offers thepossibilityof tapping into thebodyrsquos rhythmswhichare often much clearer than the perceptions of the mind After all we canrsquotchangewhatwedonrsquotknowWhilegrievingourawarenessisoftenmisguidedlyplacedon thedramaofour losses Increasingawarenessof thebody improvesthereceptivityofthemindbecauseoftheintricateunionofthesetwoaspectsofoursystem
Learninghowourbodyrespondstoouractionsisexpertlydemonstratedinthe alternation of first feeling a joint in stillness and then feeling it in actionWhenwe focus on how it feels tomove this part of our bodywe engage infeelingtheeffectsmoreprecisely
ThemonitoringoftheconditionofourjointsservesasamappingdeviceItis a fresh angle on self-reflection which enables us to witness progress Themoving body releases information regarding feelings and mental impressionsthatweholdinourmoleculesBycarefullylisteningtotheemergencewecanhear our own internal guidance taking us a step closer to reinforcing existingfeelingsorchangingthemtosuitourneeds
The flexions and extensions contractions and torsionsmdashall help the bodypurgeundesiredchemicalbyproductsofgriefTheseactionspromotethereleaseoftoxinsthatifleftinsidemakeouranxietygreaterourdepressiondeeperandourconfusionmorepronouncedMonitoringthedailychangeshelpsuswitnessthe small improvements that practice of this technique brings By witnessingthesedailymicroimprovementsyoucangainrenewedhopeinthepossibilityofincrementalshiftsthatreduceclassicalnegativeanticipatorythinking
Themindcanconvenientlyldquoforgetrdquosomejointssotry toremembertonotskip any of the exercises so as to avoid further blockages Even if you canrsquotmovea jointdue toafunctional limitationsimplyvisualize therotationOncewersquove cleared the pathways of the life force in the system we are ready tofurtherstirupourfeelingsandmakeadeeperandmoresignificantconnectionwith themmdashsomethingthefollowingexercise theWindmill isuniquelysuitedfor
WhiskingUptheFeelingsTheWindmillisthekeyasana intheYogaforGriefReliefsadhanaandgivesyou access to themost powerful resource you can tap intoAlthough it is notfound in classical yoga texts it relates to a similar exercise included inBioenergeticsatechniqueinventedbyAmericanphysicianandpsychotherapistAlexander Lowen (1994) I felt inspired to design theWindmill exercise andintegrateit intomygrief therapypracticebecauseof theprofoundeffect ithadon me As a somatic psychotherapist I was absolutely fascinated by theimmediate effect of how quickly whirling arm movements enhance theperceptionoffeelingsInadditionIlearnedthatintraditionalChinesemedicinesome rotational movements of the arms are often prescribed to deal withsymptomsofgriefpinpointedinthelungs
AnandaBalayogiBhavananiadearfriendandoneofthemodernscholarsofYoga in India provided me with a Sanskrit name for the technique vayuchakramasanaorldquowheelofairrdquoThroughmanyyearsofusingthistechniqueIhavecometorealizethattheeffectivenessoftheWindmillisabsolutelyduetothe intentionally direct contact with anahata chakra the heart center whereattachmentisdeveloped
Windmill(VayuChakramAsana)
RightArm
1 Standwithyourfeetparallelthekneesunlockedthespinestraightandyourarmsatyoursides
2 Turnthethumbofyourrighthandinwardtowardthelegfirstthenturnitbackwardsothatyourpinkyfacesforwardandyourpalmfacesouttotheside
3 InhaleasyoumoveyourarmforwardandupStopafterthearmpassesslightlybehindtheheadandholdyourbreathfeelingtheslightstretchinthepectoralmuscles
4 OpenyourmouthrelaxyourtongueandwhileexhalingletthearmdropbackanddownwhileemittinganldquoaaahrdquosoundAvoidbumpingyourlegwithyourarmasitdropsdowninafreefallAllowthearmtonaturallystopswinging
SemifastForm
1 Afteranumberofrepetitionsoftheslowformbendyourkneesslightlyandrotateyourarmcontinuouslyatmediumspeedfollowingthesamemotionasbefore
2 AllowforaquickinhalationthroughthenosefollowedbytheldquoaaahrdquosoundasyoucontinuouslyrotateyourarmMakesureyourarmrotatescontinuouslyAvoidholdingyourbreathasyoudidbeforeAvoidbobbingupanddownkeepyourkneesbentthroughout
FastForm
1 Increasethespeeduntilyourotatethearmasfastasyoucanwhilecontinuingtobreathemdashmorerapidlynowmdashandmakingtheldquoaaahrdquosound
2 Stopthemovementstraightenthekneesandconnectwithanyemotionsorfeelingsthatmightarisewithclosedeyes
Youmightexperiencepain inyourfingertips If thepain istoointenseyoumayholdyourarmuprightandallowthebloodtoflowawayfromtheextremitieswhichreleasesanypainalmost immediately Please also consider bearing with the pain because it might be aneffectivemetaphorforyourwillingnesstowithstandthepainofgrief
LeftArm
1 Repeatasfortherightarm
BothArms
1 Facebothpalmsoutwiththepinkiesfacingforward
2 Inhaleasyoumovebotharmsforwardandup
3 StopthemovementwhenthearmspassslightlybehindyourheadHoldyourbreathfeelingtheslightstretchinbothpectoralmuscles
4 Openyourmouthrelaxyourtongueandwhileexhalingletthearmsdropbackanddownwhileemittinganldquoaaahrdquosound
SemifastForm
1 Afteranumberofrepetitionsoftheslowformbendyourkneesslightlyandrotateboth
armscontinuouslyatmediumspeedfollowingthesamemotionasbefore
FastForm
1 Increasethespeeduntilyourotatethearmsasfastasyoucanwhilecontinuingwiththefastbreathandtheldquoaaahrdquosound
2 Stopthemovementstraightenthekneesandconnectwithanyemotionsorfeelingsthatmightarisewithclosedeyes
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10timeswhenperformingtheslowversionnolessthan10 times when performing the semifast and fast versions A better recommendationhoweverisforyoutosimplyself-regulatetherepetitionssincecountingthemcandistractfromtheupsurgeofemotionalcontent
Benefits
Itunblockstheheartchakraoxygenatingandrelaxingthepectoralmuscleswhileallowingthefeelingsandemotionstofindawaytothesurfaceofyourbodyandyourconsciousness
Itenhancestheupper-pectoralbreathincreasingthelungsrsquocapacitytoreceiveair
Itincreasesbloodcirculationtotheupperthorax
Ithelpsreleasetightnessintheneckandlessenthesensationoffeelingchoked
Itincreasesageneralfeelingofaliveness
Itincreasesthesensationinthesolesofyourfeetallowingadeeperfeelingofgrounding
Precautions
EnsurethattheneckremainsrelaxedandtheheadstaysstraightthroughouttheexerciseAvoidtiltingtheheadinanydirection
Keepyourkneesbent(whenpracticingthesemifastandfastforms)toreducelower-backimpact
Bearinmindthatalldegreesofpracticemdashfromvisualizationtofullperformancemdashareeffective
Remembernottobreakthestraightlineofyourpostureasyouexhaleandbringthearmsdown
Donottwistthebodytothesideorrotateitwhiledroppingthearmsdownasyouexhale
Contraindications
ThosesufferingfromrotatorcuffndashrelatedconditionsshouldonlyvisualizetheWindmillorperformitinawaythatdoesnotpromotepainIfpainappearsstopmovementthentryasimplerlessinvolvedvariation
ThesemifastandfastmovementsshouldbeperformedwithcarerespectingtheinherentlimitationswithregardtoanypreexistingconditionssuchasneckshoulderorbackinjuriesoraheartconditionIfanyofthesemovementspromotemorethanslightpainorifyouhavedoubtsaboutwhethertheyareappropriateforyouatthistimepleaseconsultamedicalprofessionalbeforeperformingthisexercise
TheWindmillhelpsactivatethepectoralmuscleswhilehelpingthescapulaeto rotate unlockingour emotional armor and relieving tension in the shoulderarea As the tense muscles start to loosen our perceptions change as buriedemotionsstartmigratingfromstuckplacesinthebody
The nature of the Windmill exercise is active I feel it is important toemphasize that although it is natural to resist the emotions these movementsmightbringupworkingthroughthemistheonlywaytotransformgrief
PracticingtheWindmillproveshelpfulforwhatwasoncetenselockedandshutawaytobecomeopenanddynamicYouareinvitedtomeetyourselffullywhenyouactivate thispartofyourbodyenhancing thepotential toalteryourperceptionofyourpreviouslyheldbeliefs
Justlikekidsthinktheyareinvisiblewhentheyhidebehindtheirownhandswhileplayingpeek-a-booweplayanadultversionofthegamebythinkingthatbynotnamingourfeelingsandignoringthemwedonrsquotfeelthemWeknowthateverybody can see the little kid behind his hands and in a similar way ourhigherselfcanseewhatwedonrsquotwanttoacknowledgeaspartofourexperienceHowcanwechange somethingwhenwedonrsquot know it is thereHowcanweconsciouslytransformabeliefifwearenotawareofit
Moving through thepainofgrief is anessential taskFeeling thepainandbecomingfamiliarwith it is thefirststepNextweconsciouslyworkwith thepainandtransformitthroughouractionsRememberthatyouhavenotactuallycreatedanyfeelingsbypracticingtheWindmilltheyarealreadythereinsideofyou
Theshortmomentofretentionofthein-breathallowsforanopportunitytomatchthebodyrsquospresentenvironmentofoverchargedfeelingsandtension thatyouaregoingthroughinlifeanditpreparesthesystemforthesubsequentreliefwhenswingingthearmbackanddownTheldquoaaahrdquosoundinducesyourabilitytoexpressyourselftogetthingsoffyourchestSoundhelpsopenthepathwaystowarda full expressionof theemotionsassociatedwith the loss andwith thenew situation that results Because grieving individuals need to be heardopening the avenues of communication both with yourself and others is veryimportantTheUniversebehavesaswavesusingsoundcanhelpyoubegin to
modifyyourrealityonacosmiclevelYourabilitytospeakyourtruthreshapesthecircumstancesthatcomposeyournewreality
DuringtimesofgriefacknowledgingwhereweareinrelationtoourprocesscanbechallengingProbablyinfusedbythesocietalawkwardnessaroundgriefmdashthe fact that nobody wants to talk about itmdashwe too feel awkward and notnecessarilycomfortableexposingourachingheartsshowingourtruepainThispromotes isolation and enhances the feeling that no one can understand usWhileitistruethatnotwoindividualsgrieveinthesamewayitisalsotruethatthereareuniversaltraitstoeveryonersquosgriefandsharinginthisprocesscanbeofimmense assistance at this time Being able to speak about your realitywhengrievingcanhelpyouemotionallyaccepttherealityofthelossThisisliberatingin itself provided that the other is a good listener What is a good listenerSomeone who is receptive accepting and willing to just listen and not giveadvicesomeonewhoisnotapttogiveflippantanswerssuchasldquoDonrsquotworryyoursquollbeallrightrdquo
SomeprefertheslowformoftheWindmillbecauseitismorepleasantthanthesemifastandfastformsPreferablythefasterformsofthetechniqueshouldbe practiced with supervision and closely monitored by an experienced andseasoned yoga therapist or even better by a competent body-orientedpsychotherapistTheelevatedenergetictoneofboththesemifastandfastformsoftenevokeveryintensefeelingsThewillingnessandreadinesstoexposeyourdeepestdefensemechanismsdemands increasedcaution compassion andcaretowardyourself
I have seen many yoga practitioners having breakthroughs with theWindmill tapping into their own unmasked hearts at times exhilarated bymerelywitnessingtheirownrichpaletteoffeelingsothertimesoverwhelmedbythe intensityof itallBecause theconsequencescanbevery intense I suggestusingtheslowformonlyatfirstYoumaywanttoleavetheothertwospeedsforatimewhenyoucanpracticewithproperguidanceandareemotionallypreparedtoworkwithwhatarisesWhileitistruethatyouwanttofaceyouremotionalrealityyoumustdosoinawaythatisfeasibleandproductiveforgrowth
The imageof awindmill using thepowerof thewind to grindgrains intoflourisasavalidanalogyasitexemplifiestheprocessofworkingthroughourown grief Transforming the hardness of the process into something we canderivenurturancefrommirrorsthehardshellonthegrainThemillingturnsthehardness into something thatwecanuseBy releasingour armoredpostureofprotectionwegainaccesstothehiddengemwrittenaboutearlierinthischapterChapter6furtheraddressestheaspectsofsuchatransformation
LetGoThe Attitude of Discharging exercise offers an extraordinary outlet for yourheightened feelings brought to consciousness after practicing the WindmillNow stirred up your emotions are available and accessible for creativeexternalization
ThisasanademonstrateshowyogacanbeusedtoaddressissuesattheircorebyhelpingindividualsdischargeunwantedfeelingsInsteadofofferingspecificantidotes foreach feelingweefficientlyassumeanattitudeof lettinggo tobeappliedtoanyandallfeelings
ThequestiongrievingindividualsaskmostoftenisldquoWhatdoIdowiththesefeelingsrdquoEventhoughfeelingsaretobefeltitistruethatmostofuswanttodosomething with them In the words of JWilliamWorden ldquoSadness must beaccompaniedbyanawarenessofwhatonehaslostangerneedstobeproperlyand effectively targeted guilt needs to be evaluated and resolved and anxietyneedstobeidentifiedandmanagedrdquo(200996)
Onceyouidentifyyourfeelingsyoucanassesswhatactionsareneededtoaddress them The following asana allows you to discharge negative andunpleasant feelings or perhaps to discharge those that prevent you fromaccessing the positive feelings you awaken by practicing the Windmill andwouldliketoexperiencemoredeeply
AttitudeofDischarging(UtthitaLolasana)
1 Standwithlegsapartfeetparallelandkneesbent
2 Onaninhalebringthearmsforwardandupthenbendbackwardmovingthepelvisforwardandtiltingtheheadback
3 Holdyourbreathattheendoftheinhalation
4 Openyourmouthrelaxthetongueandthenwhileexhalingswingtheupperbodyforwardanddownuntilcomingtoacompleterelaxationoftheupperbodyandemittinganldquoaaahrdquosound
5 WhileinhalingmovethearmsforwardandupRepeat
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10times
Benefits
Ittonesthespinalnerves
Itmassagesthevitalorgans
Itstretchesthehamstringsandbackmuscles
Itimproveslymphaticmovementanddrainagefromtheabdomenandbaseofthelungsallowingforanimprovedfullerbreath
Itstimulatesbloodflowtothebrain
Itfacilitatesdischargeofferingfeelingsandemotionalsensationsawayout
Precautions
Keepthekneesbentatalltimesincludingattheendoftheinhalationwhenyouarebentbackward
Makesuretheheadandarmscometoafullrelaxationaftereachdownwardswingingmovementwhenperformingtheregularversion
Contraindications
ThisasanashouldbemodifiedifpracticedbypeoplesufferingfromvertigoInthiscaseavoidplacingtheheaddown
Peoplewithhighbloodpressureshouldavoidthecompleteversionoftheasanalimitingtheforward-downmovementwiththeuppertorso
Thosesufferingfrombackconditionsparticularlyinthelowerbackneedtomonitorpainespeciallywhencomingupafterthedownwardswingingmovement
Thedifficultmomentofbendingbackwardattheendoftheinhalationmightmirror an equally challenging moment during bereavement that of feelingexposed awkward imbalancedvulnerableThe forcefuldownwardmovementoffersanopportunitytoreleasethoseembodiedfeelings
Irsquovefoundthreevariationsofthisposturetobeparticularlyhelpfultothosewhoaregrieving
The first variation includesperforming the technique in a continuous fashion andwith noretention of the in-breath at the end of each inhalation Always keep your knees bent toavoid locking them in an attempt to control the heightened intensity of feelings In mypractice Irsquove found that active people andmen in particular usually enjoy this variationbecause of its enhanced active component The constant use of the ldquoaaahrdquo sound alsotendstoresonatewithmenwhousuallyprefergrowlingouttheiremotionstotalkingaboutthem
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10times
AsecondvariationentailsldquoplacingrdquotheparticularfeelingyouneedtodischargeinthepalmsofyourhandsAsyoumoveforwardanddownvisualizethatemotionbeingreleasedintothe earth Holding the feeling in the palms helps the mind concretize the feeling andenhancestheintensityandfocusofthedischarge
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10times
A third variation has your hands making full contact with the floor at the end of theexhalationwith the ldquoaaahrdquosoundsustainedAvoid tapping thehandson the floor ratherkeep the full contact for as long as you are exhaling and emitting the ldquoaaahrdquo soundVisualizepushingthefeelingsforcefullyintothehotmagmaatthecenteroftheearthAllowthe upper body to fully lean on the hands and intensify the push imagining the emotiontravelingathighspeedandmeltingintotheearthrsquoscoreRememberthatmeltingsomethingdoes not get rid of it it merely changes its form In a similar way our feelings cannotdisappearbutinsteadcanbetransformedwithintentiontimeandwork
Suggestednumberofrepetitions3times
IfyouarecompromisedinyourbodilycapacitytoperformthisexercisebesafeandonlyengageuptoyourlimitorpracticebyvisualizingthetechniqueIrsquove evenproposed this exercise to people confined to awheelchair engagingonlytheupperbodyarmsandheadasavariationofthisposture
After performing such an intense asana we are now ready to move to aquietercalmerpracticetocontinueworkingwithourgrief
SleepBetterandAwakentoaNewPerspectiveThetechniquethatfollowsisusefultohelpbalancethepinealglandBecauseofitsinvolvementinregulatingthefunctionsoftheotherendocrineglandsthisisagoodway to reset the endocrine system in its entirety This exercise can helpindividualsstrengthentheirprotectionfromforeignagentsandavoidtherelapseofpreexistingconditionsthatoftenoccursatthisvulnerabletimeThisisduetothe relationship between the endocrine system and the immune systemparticularlyatthethymusglandThepinealglandisoftenheavilytaxedduringthegriefprocess and the insomniamanygrieversexperiencemdashor itsoppositeoversleepingmdashis the result of an imbalance in the melatonin it producesEngaging the optic nerves is a way of addressing this disturbance since theglandreactstolightregisteredthroughthesenerves
ConcentratedGazing(Tratak)
1 SitcomfortablyandextendyourrightarmwithyourfistclosedandyourthumbpointingupthethumbnailfacingyouIfyouneedsupportforthearmplacetheclosedfistofyourlefthandattherightarmpitYoumayalsobendtherightkneeanduseyourkneetosupportthearm
2 Locateadistantobject(atleast10feetaway)ateyelevelasafocalpointandplaceyourthumbnailwithinthelineofvisionbetweenyoureyesandthedistantobjectoffocusTheobjectbeingfocusedonshouldberelativelysmallsuchasadoorknobarockoradrawnblackdot
3 Focusonyourthumbnailfor1minute
4 Shiftyourfocustothedistantobjectfor1minute
5 Shiftbacktoyourthumbnail
6 Repeattheprocessofswitchingthefocus3times(6timesintotal)Avoidblinkingthroughouttheexerciseifyoucan
Suggestedtime Including1minuteof focusandthreeswitchesbetweenfocalpoints thepracticetakes6minutes
Benefits
ItstimulatestheopticnerveswhichpromptsthefunctionsofthepinealglandTheresultingbalancedlevelsofmelatonintendtoregulatemanybiorhythmsincludingthesleep-wakecycle
Ithelpsregulatestressbyinfluencingthefight-or-flightreactionandmodulatesthe
immunesystem
Itincreasesnervousstabilityremovesinsomniaandrelaxestheanxiousmind
Itimprovesthememoryandhelpstodevelopgoodconcentrationandstrongwillpower
Spirituallyitawakensajnachakra
Precautions
Alwaysavoidunnecessarystrain
Betolerantofdifferentexperiencessuchasseeingtwothumbsortwodistantfocalpointsmdashtheseexperienceschangewithtime
Contraindications
Thosesufferingfromglaucomashouldbesensitivetopainandmodifythepracticeasneededbyreducingthetimefocusingorthenumberofchangesbetweenfocalpoints
Many practitioners report falling asleep before completing a full round ofConcentrated Gazing With steady practice cosmic rhythms soothe the bodyhelping it remember when to sleep and when to stay awake The wisdom ofhealthy grieving lives more in the Spirit than in the mindWorking with thepineal gland is important for its connection with ajna chakra the third eyewhere we view life through awakened intuitive knowledge Our Spirit knowsthatthingsendandourbodiesareaccustomedtoprocessingendingsconstantlyyetitisourmindsthatwantthethingsweareattachedtotobewithusforever
ConcentratedGazingalsooffersasymbolicopportunity to takea lookathowwewant totransition through the next steps of our lives The two focal points one close and onedistant serve as symbols of the situations we go through when grievingWhen the oldrealityisnotthereanylongerandthenewoneisnotyetknownourcontrollingmindshavea hard time waiting The negative anticipatory thinking indicative of the limbic systemrsquosinvolvement ingriefmakesusperceivetheprojectednewrealitynegatively It fillsuswithideassuchasthinkingthatnoonewillloveusasmuchorthatnojobwilleversuitusinthesamewayThatmightbetrueorcompletelyfalseandwecanrsquotknowyetInthemeantimewe can only trust the journey and accept that changewill come Shifting focus from thethumbnail (our present situation) to the chosen distant point (the new reality to bediscovered)symbolizesthejourneyahead
DecidingonwhatcouldbethedistantfocalpointcanbeveryusefulindeterminingthenextstepsofthejourneyYoucanchooseapicturerepresentativeofhowyouwouldliketofeelinthefutureorthehouseyouwouldliketohaveorthejobyouwouldliketogetPlaceitinthedistancesowhenyouswitchtothatfocalpointyouareaddingintentionandmeaningtoyourpracticeDecidingwheretostartandwheretoend(with thedistantorclosefocalpoint)canaddstrengthtoyourabilitytomeetyourselfwhereyouareandtoyourprecisionindefiningyourfuture
Sometimes the eyesget tiredor strainedwhenpracticing this technique Ifthishappensrubthepalmsofyourhandstogetherthenbringthecuppedhandstoyoureyesandenjoythewarmthanddarknessthatcansoothethem
After acknowledging the reality of your loss identifyingwhere you are inthepresentmomentandbeginningtounderstandwhereyouwouldliketobeinthe futureyoucanpracticea technique thathelpsyoucontrolyour immediateenvironmentandeffectivelycalmsthemind
ControlIsSomehowPossibleOneoftherealitiesofgrief is that inmostcases thelosswasprobablyoutofourcontrolEvenwhenthelossistheresultofachoicethesubsequentsufferingisoftenunavoidableIfwehadcompletecontrolwewouldneverloseanythingnorwouldwechoosetosuffer
When confronting the challenges of grief themind and the body both gothrough symptoms thatmimic our discomfortwhen facedwith loss of control(difficultybreathingmuscletensionetc)Byactivelyengagingbothmindandbody through yoga exercises we can immediately bring back some sense ofcontrolintoourlivesOurmostimmediateconnectiontolifeisourbreathandbringingbalancetoitcanbeachievedbypracticingAlternate-NostrilBreathing
Alternate-NostrilBreathing(NadiShodhanaPranayama)
YoumaynotknowitbuttherightnostrilandtheleftnostrilrarelycarrythesameamountofairTrythissimpleexerciselickyourindexfingerinhaleandbringyourfingerclosetoyourrightnostrilwhileexhalingthenrepeatwiththeothernostrilWellUnlessyouareindeepbalanceatthistimeoneofthemcarriesmoreairthantheother
1 Sitinacomfortablepositionwiththeheadandspineuprightandtheleftarmbentoveryourbellysothattherightelbowcanrestontheleftforearm
2 HoldthefingersofyourrighthandinfrontofyourfaceResttheindexandmiddlefingersgentlyonthecenteroftheeyebrowsBothfingersshouldberelaxedPositionthethumbnexttotherightnostrilandtheringfingernexttotheleftnostrilThelittlefingershouldbecomfortablyfolded
3 Inhalethenclosetheleftnostrilwiththeringfingerandexhalethroughtherightnostril
4 Inhalethroughthesamerightnostril
5 Unblocktheleftnostrilandclosetherightonewiththethumb
6 Exhalethroughtheleftnostril
7 Inhalethroughthesamenostriltheleft
8 Unblocktherightnostrilandclosetheleftonewithyourringfinger
9 Exhalethroughtherightnostrilandinhalethroughthesamenostril
10 Continuethealternationonlychangingnostrilsaftertheinhalation
Suggested time5minutesofAlternate-NostrilBreathingplus5minutesofSingle-NostrilBreathingifdesired
Benefits
Itinducestranquilityclarityofthoughtandconcentration
Itincreasesvitalityandlowerslevelsofstressandanxietybybalancingtheflowoflifeforce
Itclearslifeforceblockagesandbalancestheflowinbothnostrils
Carbondioxideisefficientlyexpelledandthebloodispurifiedoftoxins
Itpromotesspiritualawakening
Precautions
Avoidforcingthebreath
Donotbreathethroughthemouth
SometimesonenostrilmaybeblockedpreventingtheeasyflowofbreathIftherightnostrilisblockedmakeafistwithyourlefthandandplaceitunderyourrightarmpitPressupagainsttheunderarmbringingyourrightarmdownContinuetopracticethiswayfor3minutesThenremovethehandRepeatfortheleftsideasnecessary
Contraindications
None
In yoga the right nostril relates to the sun masculinity activity givingdaytime extroversion social life partying The left relates to the moonfemininity passivity receiving nighttime introversion spiritual life restingWhen experiencing anxiety your right nostril is more engaged the oppositeoccurs when you are depressed or depletedmdashthe left nostril carries more airMaking the air go through both nostrils alternately brings your system into amorebalancedrelationshipbetweenyouractiveandpassiveaspectsoftheselfinfluencingthewayyouexperience thepresentsituation ItallowsthemindtocalmandtapintothealternationofallthingsThiscanhelpyoutrustthateventhoughyouarenowanxiousyouwilleventuallyrelaxandifyouaresadyouwilleventuallybehappyagain
The rightnostril also corresponds to the sympathetic energizingbranchofthe autonomic nervous system The left nostril is related to the relaxingparasympatheticbranchthatusuallyprevailswhenoneisgrievingBalancingtheactivity of these two aspects of your nervous system reestablishes the lost
equilibrium regulating your functions and balancing your reactions This isassuredlyamuchmorestablewaytorespondtoyournewenvironment
Practicingbreathingthroughasinglenostrilmdashprovidedthatitrsquosnotdoneformore than 5 minutesmdashcan bring surprising changes to your emotional stateenergizing you when yoursquore feeling depressed and calming you when yoursquorefeelinganxiousMentallyyoucangainamorepositiveperspectiveorcalmtheconstantchatterof thoughtswithAlternate-NostrilBreathingGiven thepowerofthistechniquethedirectiveofdoingamaximumof5minutesrsquoworkwithonenostrilistobetakenseriouslyPleaseknowthatexceeding5minutesrsquotimecanresult in difficulties negotiating the altered state and rebalancing your energyproperly
In general retaining the breath either in or out is another possiblemanipulationofthebreathwhenpracticingpranayamaOnapsychologicallevelithelpsusperceiveanddealwithtwooppositetypesofanxietiesretainingthein-breathrelatestotheanxietyweexperiencerelatedtolifetoitsfullnesstoitsintensityretainingtheout-breathrelatestoourfeelingsaboutdeathingeneraland particularly our own deathsWhile practicingAlternate-NostrilBreathingnotice if you are holding your breath at the end of the inhalation or theexhalationandseeifitrelatestoyourfeelings
Voluntarilymanipulatingtheactiveandpassivewithinyouhelpsyouacceptthat change is the norm that all things fluctuate and that change is possiblewithinyourselfNomatterwhereyouareinyourgrievingprocessyouwillnotbe in the same place in the future regardless of what things look like in thepresent moment Switching willingly from one nostril to the other andwitnessingthechangehelpsyourmindintegratethenewsituationaspartofyourever-changinglife
After witnessing the varying symptoms of grief and starting to use yourbreathtobringbackasenseofcontrolyouarenowreadytofullyrelax
BringingCalmtoaScatteredMindandaDistressedBody
GriefisstressfulThereforeastateofrelaxationiscrucialandyetthisstateisdifficulttoaccessmostofthetimeThestress-relievingeffectsofyogaaresomeofthemoststudiedfeaturesofthedisciplineandareveryusefulwhengrievingEven though any relaxation technique could work and would be good myintention in including a self-relaxation technique is to empower individuals to
use their ownmeans to relaxThe first lesson of loss is to not depend on thepermanenceof thingsmdashwhich iswhyanexternal sourceof relaxation suchassoothingmusicoraguidedrelaxationonaDVDwhilebeneficialwouldnotusethenewlyacquiredinformationtoourmaximumbenefit
Self-RelaxationTechnique(AngaShaithilya)
1 LieonyourbackwithyourpalmsfacingupBringyourawarenesstothebreathFindthenaturalrhythmofyourbreathbreathinginandoutslowlyandsteadilythroughthenostrils
2 Nowbringtheawarenesstoyourfeet
3 Inhaleexhale
4 InhaleexhalerepeatingtoyourselfsilentlyldquoMyfeetarerelaxedrdquo
5 Bringawarenesstoyourlegs
6 InhaleexhaleWhileexhalingrepeatsilentlytoyourselfldquoMylegsarerelaxedrdquo
7 Bringawarenesstoyourpelvis
8 InhaleexhaleWhileexhalingrepeatsilentlytoyourselfldquoMypelvisisrelaxedrdquo
9 ContinuethepracticebyrepeatingthesamepatternforHands
Arms
Shoulders
Back
Torso
Neck
Face
Head
Mind
10 EndbyrepeatinginternallyldquoIamcompletelyrelaxedrdquothreetimes
Suggestedtime10minutes
Benefits
Itrelaxesthebody
Ithelpsthemindrelax
Itcombatsthestressfuleffectsofgrief
Itreplenishesthegeneralenergylevelofthebodycombatingfatigue
Precautions
Doyourbesttomemorizethetwelvebodypartsincludedinthetechniquetoavoiddistractionswhilepracticingit
Contraindications
None
Using a technique that offers relaxation with deep detailed awareness ofoneself and that is grounded in the rhythm of the breath is a great way tointegrate other exercises of the practice in the relaxation Notice that thisexercise follows the samebodyorder as theEnergyFlowSeriesOpening thepracticewiththedirectivetostayconnectedwithyourbreathrhythmisanotherformofBreathMeditationTherepetitionofldquoMy___________isarerelaxedrdquoisnothingotherthantheactivepracticeofResolve(seethefollowingexercise)
Be prepared to hear the mind voicing statements such as ldquoI canrsquot relaxbecause Ihave to rememberwhatpart isnextrdquoTo remedy thismemorize thepartsbeforepracticingandyoucanavoidthisinterruptionThistechniquehelpswithmanyofthesymptomsofgriefincludingphysicalpainItgivesthebodyanopportunity to take a rest from the depleting hyperactive symptoms of theemotionalstressandreplenishitselfRelaxingthebodyalsohelpsthemindcalmdownandreducetheconstantmentalchatterallowingyoutofocusonplantingtheseedsofyournewlifethroughResolve
DissolvingOldPatternsandReprogrammingtheMindwithIntention
Yoga acknowledges the principle of pronoia a neologism coined by modernphilosophersexpressinganoldtruthItstatesthattheUniverseisconspiringinour highest good This is the polar opposite of paranoia which in essenceinvolvesthebeliefthattheUniverseisconspiringagainstus
Formostofhumanity thelatterconceptprevailsasanaccuratedescriptionof a world that is not at all supportive and comes after us loaded withjeopardizingintentionsYogarecognizesthisasfalseandmakesitclearthatthewholeprocessstartswithanideainourmindYogastatesldquoWecreatethemoldandthentheUniverseisinchargeoffillingituprdquo
Resolve(Sankalpa)
ThetranslationofthewordsankalpaisldquoresolverdquoorldquoresolutionrdquoItreferstotheapplicationofwillpowerthroughaconsciousdecision-makingprocessIttakestheformofashortmentalstatementwhichisimprintedbyrepetitiononthesubconsciousmindSankalpainfluencesthewaythingsaretohappenwithdeterminationandintention
Thestatementrepresentsamoldthatoncecreatedallowsfor theprovidentialpowersoftheUniversetohelpmanifestationoccurRememberyouaretheonlyoneactuallycapableofmakingyourownmoldThewordsankalpareferstoboththenameofthetechniqueaswellasthecontentofthestatementitself
1 Thinkoftheperfectwayinwhichyouwantanintentiontomanifestandthenstateitinasuccinctphrasethat
isexpressedinpresenttense
avoidsusingthewordldquonordquoortermsthatexpressnegativeconceptsForexampleldquoIwillnotbesinglerdquoshouldbereplacedwithldquoIammarriedrdquo
2 SitcomfortablywithyourhandsonyourkneesBreathenormallyacknowledginganyoutsidethoughtthatarisesandletitgoInhalethenontheexhalesayyourstatementtoyourselfbeingfullypresentwitheachindividualwordofthestatement(Youmaypauseaftereachword)
3 TakeadeepbreathandmovetothenextrepetitionWithyoureyesclosedcontinuerepeatingyourstatementThenbreatheinandoutoncewithoutrepeatingthestatementWhendoneopenyoureyes
Suggestednumberofrepetitions3times
TheconceptthistechniquereferstoisinthecoreoftheoldsayingldquoAskandyeshallbegivenrdquotowhichIrsquodliketoaddldquoifitisintheorderofthingsrdquoWhy
ManypeopleaskforthingsthatarenotwithintheUniversalorderandthenblamethesystemratherthanacknowledgingthattheirignoranceoftheorderistherealreasonthingsdidnotmanifestByldquotheorderrdquoImeanthesystematicandpreciseway inwhich thingswork in theUniverseand that is reflected insuchtruthsasldquoNothing ispermanentrdquoAll thingsend regardlessofwhetherwearethinking of a vase a day or a thought Without this acknowledgment whenasking for something to remain themechanism sparked by sankalpa will notworkandtheUniversewillnotsupportourpetitionIfIrsquomfifty-fourIcanaskforldquoyouthfulfiftiesrdquobutIcanrsquotasktobefifteenagainmdashitsimplywonrsquothappen
Byclearlyidentifyingwhattoaskforandhowtophraseitweengageinasimplewayofjump-startingtheprocessofmanifestationEventhoughmostofushavewantsitissurprisinglyhardforpeopletoactuallyexpresstheirwishesinanexactwayInmyyearsofusingResolveIhavehadtoworkdiligentlytohelp individuals identifywhat theywantbyspendinghourssorting throughallkindsofmisunderstandingsoldprogrammingandstalebeliefs
Prior to identifyingwhat wewant we usually namewhat we donrsquot wantwhat we fear why we should not want it and so forth This means that ourmindsareabsolutelyfullofalltheseotherconsiderationsandinthemeantimetheUniverseisbusyfillingupthecorrespondingmoldsasitcompetentlydoes
Thisiswhywemanifestwhatwefearandthisisalsohowwemanifestwhatwe donrsquotwantAs youmight know ldquoYou can never get enough ofwhat youreallydonrsquotwantrdquoIfyourmentalprogrammingmdashandcreatedmoldmdashisldquoIrsquomnotgoingtoget that jobrdquoorldquoIrsquodlovetoget that jobbut therearesomanyotherswho are better preparedrdquo then the Universe will accommodate you with anopportunity of losing that job It might seem like an extremely minusculesemanticdeviationbuttheconsequencesresultingfromsuchmisunderstandingsare also extremely clear (See the sidebar that follows ldquoAiding the PracticeThroughJournalingrdquoforaneffectiveapproachtonamingwhatwewant)
TosayldquoIamnotunhappyrdquoisverydifferentfromsayingldquoIamhappyrdquoandbelieveme theUniverse is listeningpreciselyTounderstandwhyprecision isimportantletmesharewithyouanoldstoryfromIndia
AidingthePracticeThroughJournaling
As a simple exercise think about what you want and write yourstatementdescribingitthencontinuetowritedowneachmodificationof the statement as you develop it Make no judgments write no
ldquoshouldsrdquomdashjust write what comes up You will probably see apathway amental roadmap that you have been following thatwillrevealyourmisconceptionsKeepinmindthatwhenyouarriveattheldquorightrdquo statement a subtle ldquoeye-smilerdquo appears a slightwidening ofyour forehead accompanied by a sense of ldquoEurekaThis is itrdquoThatfeelingisclearlyidentifiablenoquestionsaskednodoubtsaboutitmdashit is resonating inside of you as accurate Until that ahamoment ofrecognitionkeepworkingonyourauthenticexpressionyourpersonalResolve Know that you are actually working on your innermostwishesandthatyouareultimatelydeterminingyourfuture
After you have come up with your statement and you arepracticingrepeatingitIsuggestyoualsojournaltheinternalresponsesandconsiderationsyourmindcomesupwithItisnormaltolistentotheinternalvoicechallengingyourstatementswithphrasesthatdenotethe adverse reality the one you are trying to modify Since themanifestation process is happening regardless if the statement is ldquoIhaveapartnerrdquo and themindcomesupwith ldquoYouare lyingnoonewouldloveyourdquotheideamoldreadytobefilledupisthelatterYoumaydiscoverthatwhatrsquoswrittenactuallyrevealsyourpresentmentalprogrammingthatyouarereallynotworthloving
Byattendingtoyourbodycalmingyourmindandexploring thenatureofyourdesiresonadeeperlevelyouarenowtrulyreadytogowithin to practiceBreathMeditation and leave everything up to theUniverse
AcouplebothagesixtyandstillmarriedafterfortyyearsfindagenielampWhentheyrubitthegenieappearsandcomestolifeThegeniespeaksldquoLadyyourwishesshallbegrantedWhatwouldyoulikerdquo
ldquoIwantenoughmoneytogoaroundtheworldtwicewithmyhusbandrdquothewoman responds In an instant the geniemanifests a briefcase full of enoughmoneyforthebothofthemtogoaroundtheworldtwice
ThegeniethenturnstothegentlemanandsaysldquoSiryourwishestooshallbegrantedWhatwouldyoulikerdquo
ldquoIrsquod like to have a wife thirty years younger than merdquo replies theopportunistThegeniethenrespondsbyturningthemanintoaninety-year-old
Thelessonofthisstoryistobeveryclearandprecisewhenaskingforwhatyou want otherwise you may end up getting what you really donrsquot want
Resolve is the mechanism that kick-starts the process of manifestationThoughtfully identifying and defining an idea can and will act as a guidingprinciple a lighthouse in the darkness of your emotional storm Then youractionsthoughtsandspeechcanaimintheproperdirectionandstartbringingtofruitionwhatuntilnowhaslivedonlywithintherealmofyourwishes
OpeningtoSpiritThismeditationtechniquecanbeseenasthesimplestofallbreathingexercisesthebasisofallourworkBesidesthespiritualbenefitsandeffectsstayingwithyourownbreathisapowerfulwayofbeingpresentandindeepconnectionwithyourlifenotdrawninbythepastorcontemplatingthefuture
BreathMeditation
1 Sitinacomfortablepositionwiththespinestraightandthehandsrestingonyourkneeswiththepalmsfacingupward
2 Staystill
3 BringawarenesstoyourbreathFeeltheairgoinginandoutsoftlythroughyournostrils
4 Remainpresentforeachinhalationandeachexhalation
5 AstheminddriftsoffbringitbacktoyourbreathAsifyouareplacingpaperboatsonastreamofwaterplacethedistractingthoughtsintheoutgoingstreamoftheexhalation
6 Remainconcentratedonyourbreathandonlyonyourbreathexhalingeachdistractingthought
Suggestedtime5to10minutes
AlthoughitisanextremelysimpletechniquetheexecutioncanprovetobequitedifficultYourabilitytoremainconcentratedonthebreathispermanentlychallengedbyyourveryactivebodyandunstoppablemindYoucanstartfullofintentionandfindyourselfoutonalimbafteronlyafewbreathcycles
Fortunatelyyourbreathisconstantandyourneedtotakethenextin-breathisunavoidablesobringingthemindbacktothebreathisrelativelysimpleKeepcomingbacktothebreathwithtimeyoursquollseethatyourdeparturesarescarcerandthatasyoustaywithyourbreathacertainsenseofcalmnessandfulfillmentappears
You are now developing the skill to stay present with yourself to keepyourself company and bring ease when feeling abandoned Irsquove stated beforethat when grieving you should focus first on the Spirit because the body is
profoundlyengagedin its reactionandthemindisshatteredandscatteredForthis reason meditation and its ability to help you connect with your Spiritbecome a key element of the practice Thoughmeditation can be challengingwhenyouareexperiencingacutegriefitisanactivitythatwillgentlyleadyoutothesourceofknowledgeyouintendtotapinto
Now that you have read how to perform each practice and understandgenerallyhowthetechniquesservetoallaysomeofthesymptomsofgriefyouprobablywant to get started and figure out how to incorporate these practicesinto your life There are some important questions to ponder as you start tointegratesomeoftheseexercisesintoapersonalpractice
The next chapter considers what exercises you should include howmuchtime you should spend practicingwhether you should practice by yourself orseek help how long you should practice and other practical detailsWhetheryouareanexperiencedyogapractitionerorjuststartingoutwhetheryouhavejust begun to cope with some of your grief symptoms or at the end of theprocess the next chapter will help you to integrate the techniques into yourpersonalpractice
Chapter5
DesigningtheLogisticalAspectsofYourPractice
There is a famous quote usually attributed to the great German philosopherJohannWolfgangvonGoethe(1749ndash1832)
ldquoUntil one is committed there is hesitancy the chance to draw backConcerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementarytruth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plansthatthemomentonedefinitelycommitsoneselfthenProvidencemovestooAllsortsofthingsoccurtohelponethatwouldneverotherwisehaveoccurredAwhole streamofevents issues from thedecision raising inonersquosfavorallmannerofunforeseenincidentsandmeetingsandmaterialassistancewhichnomancouldhavedreamedwouldhavecomehiswayWhatever you cando or dreamyou cando begin it Boldness hasgeniuspowerandmagicinitrdquo(emphasisadded)
What a beautiful way of presenting the universal principle of pronoia Itexplains the mechanism of manifestation and emphasizes a key aspect tocommit towhatwewantThe resultingactionsactuallyhelp thebrain reshapeitselfthisisneuroplasticityatitsbestThroughthefruitsofourcommitmentwecanestablishnewneuronalconnectionsthatwill leadusnottowherewethinkweshouldbeorwherewedonrsquotdesiretobebutwherewetrulywanttobe
As you now ponder how to implement the techniques I shared in theprevious chapter and embark on your personal practice I ldquore-mindrdquo you thatyourcommitmentisessentialByacceptingyourlimitationsandneedsyouareactually making your commitment feasible Be realistic commit to what youcananddoit
SettingtheIntentionTherearetwophilosophicalconceptsfoundinTheYogaSutrasofPatanjalithatcanbetranslatedasldquopracticerdquoThefirstoneabhyasareferstoamoregeneral
all-encompassing method of practice that involves lifestyle choices thoughtsspeech and actions Abhyasa brings us greater tranquility or peace of mindSadhana thesecondconceptcanalsobedefinedaspracticebut itpertainstothe actual techniques or exercises that are performed on a regular basis toachieve an overall enhancement ofwell-being Taken together these conceptscanhelpusunderstandwhatitmeanstotrulypracticeyoga
As you begin to apply the traditionalmovements breathing exercises andcleansingtechniquessettingasideanhourahalfhourorwhatevertimeyoucandedicatetoestablishingaregularpracticeyoumayrealizethateachbreathcanbe an opportunity for transformation My hope is that as you integrate thesetechniquesintoyourdailylifeyourlifeitselfbecomesthepractice
ShouldYouPracticeAloneorUnderGuidanceJustasyouareasolitarybeinginthemidstofacrowdedcitystreetpracticeispersonalregardlessofhowmanymorearepracticingwithyouInancienttimespracticing yoga based on a book like the one you are reading without livecontactwithateachermasterorguruwasunthinkableEventhoughyogawascommonlypasseddownwithinthecontextofthefamilyfromonegenerationtothe next there is an essential trinity thought to lead to a successful spiritualjourney It includes the individual (you)GodorSpirit and thegurumdashtheonewholeadsthewayafterhavingwalkedithimselfmanytimesbefore
IntodayrsquosworldpeoplemaypracticethroughtheguidanceofabookorbyfollowinginstructionsprovidedonaDVDorahow-tovideoontheInternetItisan essential principle inyoga therapy that the interactionwith a therapistwhocanmonitorthestudentrsquospracticeisanimportantaspectaddingstrengthtothetechniquesandensuringsafetyfortheYogapractitioner
Grief is so powerful that in working with the dynamics activated by theYoga techniques itwould be advisable to seek out a qualified professional atfirst By ldquoqualifiedrdquo I mean either a yoga therapist well versed in griefcounselingoragriefcounseloror therapistknowledgeableaboutyogaand itsuseinthetherapeuticprocessBecauseyogahasbeenembracedbyanumberofprofessionals in recent years other therapists such as social workers hospicenurseschaplainsandotherswhoworkwithgrief-related issuescanbe trustedsources for guiding you through this work Even a financial adviser whounderstandsaboutthephysicalsymptomsofgriefandhowtoaddressthemcanmean the difference between wealth and poverty when for example dealingwithfinancesafteradivorceSuchatherapistmdashwhileencouragingastudentto
practiceathomeencounteringtheldquoteacherwithinrdquomdashwouldalsohelphimorhernavigatethedifficultemotionsencounteredinthegrievingprocess
Yoga practice can be a very subjective experience often having differentresults indifferentsettingsShouldyoudecidetodothepracticeonyourownwithoutprofessionalguidanceremembertobesensitiveandrespectfulofyourneedsandabilitiesMonitor theeffectsof the techniques soyoucanuse themappropriately when needed Tune into the results charting them as a validindicatorofthedevelopmentofyourprocess
IsItBettertoPracticeIndividuallyorinaGroupWhile all yoga is therapeutic yoga therapy thrives on personal individualizedpracticeespeciallyat thebeginningstagesof the therapeuticprocessWorkingwith a qualified therapist familiar with integrating yoga as part of his or hertoolbox is wholeheartedly advised Either in a group setting provided such agroupisavailableinyourcommunityorprivatelychoosewhicheverbettersuitsyourneeds
Workingindividuallyprovidesfocusedattentiontotreatmentoffersinputonadapting your practice to meet specific needs and avoids interference fromothersinaclassOntheotherhandpracticinginagroupallowsyoutowitnessotherbereavedindividualsgrieveinwaysthatmaybebothprofoundlydifferentandstrikinglysimilartoyoursCombatingthetendencytoisolatethisaspectofsocialization can help normalize your relationship to your own grief whileofferingasupportnetwork
InmyYoga forGrief Relief groups all three aspects commonly found intraditional grief support groups are included education support and socialnetworking Education serves the purpose of normalizing grief by sharinggeneralinformationregardingthegrievingprocessWealsolookathowgriefisaddressed in different cultures and time periods Support is establishedwithinthe environment the group provides It encourages authentic communicationregardingourgriefandserves tomodelhealthy interactions tobereplicated inthe outside world The social networking aspect encourages positive personalinteractions that increasewell-being for those of us listening aswell as thosesharingWhenoneisfeelingdepletedandwithoutmuchtogivelendinganeartothoseexpressingtheirgriefcanbeanempoweringexperience
IsItSafetoDoThisPracticebyYourself
MostofthetechniquescanbepracticedsafelyonyourownprovidedyoureadthesectionsdedicatedtocontraindicationsPleaseidentifyanypresentconditionthat may require caution when you practice the exercises This makes atremendousdifferencebetweenan exercisebenefitingyouorbeingharmful toyou
ThatsaidtheWindmillistheoneexerciseforwhichdiscretionmustbeusedwhen practicing alone TheWindmill is a key technique of the program andalthough the slow version is safe for most individuals the semifast and fastversions of the Windmill quickly access deeply held emotions and buriedphysical feelings I suggest that a competent professional trained in thisworkshould monitor both the practice itself as well as the outcomes If you areworkingwithayoga-savvycounselor thenyour therapyprovidesanoutlet forsharing your experience after practicing at home The Windmill is the mostactiveexerciseandtheonebestabletobringstrongfeelingstothesurfaceTheemotionselicitedduringthegrievingprocessare therawmaterialsyouusefortransformation
Someofyoumighthaveanexistingpersonalyogapracticeandwanttoaddsome of my recommended techniques to your routine Although this cancertainlybeeffectivekeepinmindthatthetruestbenefitsofthisprogramoccurwhenpracticedsequentiallyinitsentiretyByexperiencingtheroutinefullyyoucantheneffectivelyassesswhattoaddtoyourpracticeandwhyIfyouchoosetoembarkonasolopractice thenyouneed toconsidersomeof thefollowingimportantlogisticaldetails
WhichExercisesAreBestforMeWhethertoperformtheentirepracticeorpartsofitdependsonwhatyouwouldlike to accomplish howmuch time you have and howmuch knowledge youpossess of yoga and of yourself The entire practice can be accomplished inninety minutes and is inherently balanced covering issues that most grievingindividualsneed
CompleteBreathingpreparesyourmindandbodyfor themagnitudeof thegrievingprocesstheEnergyFlowSeriescreatestheconditionsforhealinganddrawsyourawarenesswithintheWindmillbringsfeelingsandsensationstothesurface sparking the process of transforming your grief into a source of self-knowledge Attitude of Discharging offers an outlet for the raw availableemotions Concentrated Gazing promotes mental focus to restore the normalcircadian rhythms while Alternate-Nostril Breathing offers breath control to
effectivelybringbalanceandcalmtoyourmindTheSelf-RelaxationTechniquehelps decrease the stressful effects of grief allowing optimal conditions forreprogramming your mind through Resolve which uses the newly acquiredknowledgetobegintoconstructanewidentityFinallyyouarereadytositstillinmeditationtodeepentheconnectionwithyourSpirit
Practicing the entire sequence offers you the exponential effect of thecombinedbenefitsofthetechniquesYetyoumaybebetteroffpracticingonlycertainpartsasyoubegintofamiliarizeyourselfwiththeworkMakesureyoucheckwithyourphysicianbeforeengaginginpracticekeepinmindthatyogatherapyisnotasubstituteformedicalattention
Becomingfamiliarwitheachtechniqueanditseffectsonyougivesyoutheconfidence to choose which one works for what is troubling you Again Ireiterateyourmindisbestaddressedthroughbreathworkyourbodyishelpedmost by physical postures and your Spirit thrives with meditation YogatechniquesinfluenceallthreeaspectsofyourbeingYoucanchoosefromeachrealm and come up with a combination that best suits your personal journeyTrustyourinstinctandinnerwisdomtoguideyou
WhereShouldIPracticeWhile it is true thatyogaisbestpracticedinacleanandcalmenvironmentatleast twohoursafteryour lastmealwearingcomfortableclothes far from thechaosoftheworldforatleastninetyminutestheseperfectconditionsarerarelymetThemaincriteria forunderstandinghow toengage in thepractice shouldalways be ldquotomeet yourself exactlywhere you arerdquoYou can then figure outwhichexercisestopracticewheretosituateyourselfwhentopracticeandhowmuchtimeyoucansetasidetopractice
Ifyoudonrsquothavea roomdedicated forpractice thenmovesomefurniturearound tocreatea suitablespaceandbring inanyobjectsor images thathelpyouconnectwithyourintentionThisprocessexemplifieslocatinganewspaceinsideofyourselfSometimeswhenwefeelldquoallovertheplacerdquoinourmindjustcleaning and reorganizing our house starts to positively affect our emotionalintegrationOrderingourimmediatesurroundingsoftenhelpstocalmdowntheinternaldisarrayCandles incense soothingmusic and low lightmayprovideyou with supportive harmonizing associations to make your practice moremeaningful
BeflexibleregardingwhereyoupracticeallowingforvariationsaccordingtoyourlifersquoscircumstancesForexampleifyouareinterviewingforajobthat
couldeasepressingeconomicneedsthenpracticesomecalmingbreathworkinthewaitingroomIfyoufindyourselfstrugglingwithroadragepulloverstopthecarandpracticeLeft-NostrilBreathingThengetbackontheroadwhenyouarecalmandhavelostsightofthatannoyingtailgatermdashyoudonrsquotwanttolosecontrolandcauseyourselfmoregrief
SometimesitisgoodtoenhanceyourpracticebybeingoutdoorsconnectingwithnatureandbringinginasenseofexpansionConverselyifdoingthisseemstoo vulnerably open and distracting and lacks the intimacy you need thenpracticewhereyoucanmoreeasilyaccomplishtheresultsyouareafter
WhenShouldIPracticeStarting thedaywith an extendedpractice deliciouslydedicated tooneself isnotaluxuryweallhaveFeelfreetodowhatyoucaninthemorningthenaddorrepeatsomethinginthemiddleofthedayandthenpracticebeforegoingtobed
TheEnergyFlowSeriesisagreatwaytobothstartandendthedayInthemorning it feels energizing and at night calming preparing you for a goodnightrsquos sleep TheWindmill practicewill elevate the general tone of your lifeforceenergyinthemorningTheAttitudeofDischargingexercisewillhelpyoudischargesomeof theextra tensionaccumulatedduring theday ifdone in thelateafternoonAlternate-NostrilBreathingisagreatmiddaypracticethatbringsbalance to your wildly fluctuating emotions Concentrated Gazing worksefficientlytoputyoutosleepatnightand ifusedinthemorning itresetstheendocrine systemdecreasingmoodswings (Thismaybeespecially importantfor women during bereavement to stabilize and reestablish balance in theirendocrine system and counteract the common disturbances grief imposes ontheir normal menstrual cycle) Choosing the right time to practice helps youadjusttoyournewenvironmentmoreskillfullyandhelpstoprepareyouforthemultitudeofchangesandnewconditionsinyourlifeFromyourfirstin-breathwhen you are born to your last out-breath at the moment of death the timeelapsedisallyoursThedecisionsyoumakeregardinghowtospendthat timeare also yours Use your practice time wisely so it reflects your sense ofownershipofyourtimeandyourrespectforit
ForHowLongShouldIPracticeFinallyintermsofhowlongtopracticeeachtechniqueorhowlongyouroverall
practice should be letme just say this something is better than nothingOursystemsreacttoallwedoandallwethinksodowhatyoucanItistruethatforbestresultsAlternate-NostrilBreathingshouldbepracticedfornolessthanfiveminutes yet a minute alone would also do some work A minimum of threerepetitionsisbetterwhenpracticingtheEnergyFlowSeriesbutonerepetitionalsohasbenefitsWhatisoptimalistousewhatevertimeyoumighthavejustkeepinmindthatthemoreyoupracticethedeepertheeffectswillbe
AnexceptionshouldbemadewithSingle-NostrilBreathingPracticing formore thanfiveminutescanrenderstrongereffects thanyoumaydesireWhenpracticing Left-Nostril Breathing for example you want to feel calmer notdepletedItisokaytopracticeformorethanfiveminutesifneededjustmakesureyoubreakitdownwithaminuteortwoofAlternate-NostrilBreathing
Thesadhanapracticemdashinitsentiretyandfollowingtheguidelinesproposedfor each technique in chapter 4mdashshould take approximately ninety minutesPleaserememberthataccordingtothevariationsandmodificationsyouneedtomakeyourpracticetimewillvarySupplementarytechniquessuchasjournalingandothersofferedinchapter6willalsoalteryourpersonalpracticetime
BecomingfamiliarwiththetechniqueswillallowyoutoknowmoreeasilywhattocalluponandwhenWithregularpracticetheeffectsofthetechniqueswillcomealiveinyouandwillevenhelpyouchoosewhattopracticeandwhenBe sensitive to the daily fluctuations in your actual ability to engage in thetechniquesIfyouspentahalfhourdoingpawanmuktasanayesterdayandyourmusclesaresoretodayreducethetimeandintensityoftheexercisetowhatyoucantolerate
YourPracticeChangesasYouDoPleasebeopentothefactthatyouareundergoingconstantchangeandthereforeyour practice must shift as well to reflect your new needs and abilities Thegrieving process and the tasks ofmourning are not linear your grief changesyourpracticeandyourpracticechangesyourgriefThere iswisdom in lettingyour practice reflect your state of being and adapting it accordingly Thewayyou practice is theway you livewhat you practice now shapes your lifeBemindful of addressing your practicewith the same grace and dignity that youwantforyourself
Perhapsitisaccuratetosaythatyoudidnotsignupforbeingwhereyouarenow andyet hereyouarePractice jump-starts theprocessof transformationSeeyourselffunctioningasthebestoperatorofthesetoolsbyaskingwhatyou
want toaccomplish listening toyourvoicehearingyourbodyrsquosexpressionofits innate wisdom and sensing what you need to do for yourself todaymdashdosomethingtocommittowhatyouwant
Chapter6
TheProcessofTransformation
LynPrashant the founderof IntegrativeGriefTherapy states thatldquowedonrsquotgetoverourlosseswechangerelationshiptothemrdquoAndsheaddsthatldquogriefisour most available untapped emotional resource for personal transformationrdquo(2005)Iwholeheartedlyagreewithher
WhilehonoringourpersonallossesandmourningtherelationshipthatoncewasthetransformationthatwearetalkingaboutinessenceisourownAswebegin to witness the appearance of our new self we slowly recognize thecumulativeeffectsofourdeeptransformativeworkWearenowactuallylookingatourselvesandtheworldaroundusfromanewperspective
This book demonstrates the inner workings of the grieving process IprovidedthespecifictechniquesforthepracticeofstayingpresentandthereforeavailabletotransformyourgriefandencounteritsstrongemotionsthatfiercelychallengeyouThetoolsarenowatyourfingertipswithfocusedawarenessyoumay methodically turn some of the seminal questions yoursquove been askingyourselfintoconcreteactions
ThroughdealingwiththesufferingthatisinherentduringthegriefjourneywehaveanopportunitytouncoverourowntruenatureGriefworkisultimatelyaboutchallengingyourassumptionsaboutlifeldquoWhoamIwithoutherWheredoIgoafterlosingmyhomeWhoamInowthatIrsquovebeenfiredfrommyjobWhatdoesitmeanthatIrsquomstillherenowandheisgonerdquo
In themidst of sorrow the blossoming of a new identitymaymeanmanydifferentthingstoyouOnceyouarenolongergrippedbytheoldattachmentsyoubecome free to explore thedeepestpartsofyourselfAsyouaskyourselfwhatyoudoanddonotneedgriefbecomestheuncannygatewaytohelpgainthetrueknowledgeofself
FindingaNewIdentityAfterLossIdentityconsistsmainlyofourperceptionsofourselvesbasedonthepeopleandthingsweareattachedtoWhenwelosethemwelosepartofwhoweareAndyetlifecontinuesRememberthefeelingsuponwakingupintheimmediatedaysandweeks following a profoundly huge loss The bodymoving in a robotic
way fighting against the lethargy of a tiredmind eyes barely open two feetwalkingtothebathroomoutofnecessity
ThinkofthebodythemastersurvivormaintaininglifewiththeaudacitytocontinuedoingwhatitdoesDespiteourdespairdespiteourdoubtstheamazingintelligence of our body is a powerful testament to the continuation of ourexistence
Imagineakitchenwhereyoursquovecookedforthepasttwentyyearsonewithno ventilation just tiny windows and a stove with slow inefficient electricburners One day the kitchen burns to the ground Because you are hungrybecauseyourbodyneeds fuelyouneed tocontinuecookingPerhapsyoucanimproviseandcookmealstemporarilyinthelivingroomormanageforawhileonanoutdoorgrillbuttheneedforanindoorkitchenispainfullyapparentsoyoumustrebuildit
IsthenewkitchengoingtohaveventilationornotBigorsmallwindowsSlowelectricburnersorquickandefficientgasburnersInordertodefinethesedetailsyouneedtoquestionyourrealneedsanddesireslikesanddislikes
After all you have cooked in that kitchen for years and are familiar withevery detail every nook and cranny The memories of that kitchen may beoverwhelmingly powerful to you but now it is time to start imagining a newmoremodernversionthatwillserveyournewneeds
Needsshift frombasic survival instincts to thoseofa fullermorespiritualvisionofourlifeInterestinglymanyofuswillgravitatetothefamiliardesignoftheoldkitchenButgiventimeforreflectionnewideasandimageswillstarttoemerge thathelpuscomecloser towhowereallyareandwhowewant tobecome
ManyofusidentifywhowearethroughourhomesSometimesthehomeisthought of as an extension of our physical bodies something important toconsider when working with grief Identity is formed through what the bodylearnsfromitsenvironmentThefollowingtwoexamplesillustratethat
Sinceathree-year-oldcannotbuyacarrentahomeorfindajobthechildmustrelyentirelyonanadultcaregiver In thiscase thefatherconstantlyputsdownthethree-year-oldwhenheperformswellButcomplyingwithhisfatherrsquosexpectations can be the difference between life and death Consequently thechildlearnseithertobecomeanunderachieverortohidehisachievementssoasnottoupsethisfather
The survival mechanism that informs the mind is deeply rooted in thewisdomof the bodymaintaining life at all costs Putting our fingers in a live
electricsocketoncegivesthebodyenoughinformationtoavoidgettingshockedagain The body has excellent cellular memory and keeps that survivalmechanism alive Even years later while fixing a malfunctioning socket andknowingthepowerisoffyourbodystillalertsyouinternallywithcautionsignswarningofdanger
When defining ourselves after loss it is very common to repeat oldmechanisms perform the same learned behaviors and chant the same innermonologuebecausethatishowwelearnedtosurviveRepeatingthesebehaviorsgrants us renewed suffering simply because our actions are antiquated and nolongermatchourpresentreality
Wemust revisit the situationwith new eyes identifying our present needsandusingournewlyacquiredskillsmdashtheoneslackingduringtheearlyformativeyears Although old habits are difficult to change respecting their power canactually be life affirmingWecan see them in action and recognize themas asign of the amazing intelligence of our bodiesWitnessing our broken heartrsquosstruggletocopewiththepainoflossandmanagetheaccompanyingsymptomsofconfusionanddisorganizedthinkingisquiteremarkable
Isnrsquot it a superbly opportune time to reimagine a new designwhenwe nolongerhavetheoldkitchenandyetourneedforthefoodthatrsquoscookedinitisasrealasthefirethatconsumeditThisistheopportunityhiddeninthegriefweexperienceThisisthetransformativejourneyIrsquomtalkingabouttheprocessthatcan take us from the void of devastation after loss to the fullness of aconsciouslylivedlife
HowCantheTransformationBeAccomplishedMy opinion is that the journey of discovery is threefold Addressing thesymptoms of our grief constitutes the first step The second involves fullytransitingthegrievingprocessandachievinghealthyresolutionwithitThethirdentails reidentification based on our most intimate spiritual self Having beenstrippedofourpreviousidentitylayingbaretherealcoreofwhowearewearenowinvitedtoapproachthedeepestpartsofourselves
These three portions of the process of transformation are linked but notlinear simultaneously our awareness can shift aswe sense some relief of ourimmediatesymptomsItisimportanttorememberingriefworkthatanyspecificactions taken towardaccomplishing resolutioncanbe repeatedand revisitedatanypointwithrenewedmeaning
The information you need comes as a result of your work and efforts tounderstandandrelatetotheexperienceathandThisprocessinvolvesobservingyour motivations behaviors and feelings This book and the techniquesproposedaredesignedtosupportyouintheprocessoftransformingyourgriefofferingpracticeasthefoundationfortheworkUsingthetoolsyoulearnedinchapter4youcanreapthebenefitsyouareafterNowletrsquostakealookathoweachpartoftheprocessoftransformationworks
TheFirstPartAddressingtheSymptoms
HowdoesaddressingyoursymptomshelptransformgriefImagineyourselfperchedon a rolling hillwaiting to take in a beautiful sunsetwith somedearfriendswhenallofasuddenyouareafflictedwithaterribletoothacheEvenifyou are surroundedby love and support in the presentmoment all you reallywantistostopthepainyouneedadentist
Itisquiteremarkablehowenticedbythepresumptionofthepermanenceofthebodyrsquosvigorandendurancewetakeourownhealthforgranted
Abalancedbodyenhancesyourability to transformgriefWhen the rug ispulledout fromunderneathyoushakingyour foundationand threateningyourstability you can enter into a conversation with the body that will ultimatelyformthebasisofyournewidentityToregainpresencefortheprocessyoumustaddressthedifferentsymptomsparticularlythephysicalones
TheexercisescontainedintheprogramcanhelptakecareofthefirstpartoftheprocessbybringingthesymptomstoalevelofrelativecontrolBypracticingbreathworkyoubecomemorepresentandawareandcanhelp reestablish thenormalrhythmsofthebodyfindingwaysofcontrollingyourmentalstatesandultimatelyyournewreality
PracticingtheEnergyFlowSeriesassuresthepropercirculationoflifeforceavoidingblockagesandfacilitatingfreemovementofconsciousnesswithinbodyandmindThedifferentasanashelpgetridofthetoxicchemicalbyproductsofpain and activate parts of the body where emotional issues tend to promotetensionandstiffnessThespecificactionsperformedintheWindmillbringyourfeelingsto thesurfaceofyourawarenessallowingyoutowitnessandidentifythem and ultimately to better understand how grief manifests in the bodyAttitudeofDischargingofferstheincreasedchargeoffeelingsandsensationsofgriefawayoutConcentratedGazingpromotesbalanceandbettersleep
TheSelf-RelaxationTechniquehelpscombatthestressfuleffectsofgriefanddiminishesgeneraltensioninthebodyguidingyouhometoyournormalsleepcycle Resolve resets the mind so the body can manifest your deepest innerwisheswhileBreathMeditationoffersthecalmstillnessofbodyandmindthatallowstheSpirittoemergemoreclearly
AllpartsoftheYogaforGriefReliefsadhanapreparethebodyandthemindfortheunderstandingofSpiritwhichasIrsquovestatedbeforeisthetruesourceforthefacilitationofgrief
TheSecondPartFacilitatingGrief
Facilitating grief implies making the experience of bereavement moremanageable by following a roadmap such as the one proposed by JWilliamWordeninhisFourTasksofMourning(2009)Employingtheprinciplesofyogacan assist in accomplishing those Letrsquos take a look at some additionalguidelines
Give yourself permission to grieve Some people have a hard timeaccepting thatgrieving isappropriateThereasonsfor these thoughtsareoftenpreconceived ideas about what to expose to others or how much time isacceptable to grievePersonal difficulties such as the fear of beingdefinedbygrief the possibility of feelingworse or the chance youmight trigger othersrsquogriefoftenpreventindividualsfromgrieving
If you care for grieving individuals and provide support space andresourcesdoyoudothesameforyourselfWhenflyingonanairplaneyouaredirected to put your oxygen mask on first in case of an emergency beforehelpingothersItismuchthesameinthegrievingprocessmdashifyougiveyourselfthepermissiontogrievefirstyoucanthenhelpothers
ProvideyourselfwiththetimeyouneedtogrieveInthecorporateworldemployeesaretypicallygivena72-hourldquowindowrdquoinwhichtogrieveAlthoughthereisnoofficialtimesettocompleteourgrievingprocessourmindstendtodictatethatafteroneyearhaselapsedldquoIshouldbedonewithmygriefrdquoSocietalexpectations coupledwith thepressureweputonourselves to resumenormalliving promote the belief that things will be much better in a yearUnfortunately this unrealistic expectation is not only misleading it is alsocounterproductivetomaintainingasenseofhope
ForsomeofusthesecondyearofgriefisevenmoredifficultthanthefirstI
encourage tolerance in allowing the time needed for working well with thecomplex grief experience That permission alone is very important In thenormalcourseofbereavement as timegoesonourgrief frequentlyexpressesitselfasaSuddenTemporaryUpsurgeofGrief(STUGRando1993)sometimesrelatedtoandprovokedbycurrentlifesituationsothertimesshowingupoutoftheblueSTUGscanprovideuswithareflectionofwhereweareinrelationtoourowngriefHowfastweovercomeithowdeepourfeelingsarefeltandhowmuchourbodiesareinvolvedareallindicativeoftheskillswehavedevelopedofthenewpiecesofinformationwehaveunveiledaboutourselves
It is necessary to mention that a prolonged time of coping with thedisruptions of bereavement may be a marker for complicated grief thusrequiring specific interventions All factors need to be taken into account toproperlyassesshowandwhereweareintheverypersonaljourneyofgrief
PracticeactivelisteningwithyourselfHaveyoueverhad theexperienceofsomeonerepeatingbacktoyouwhattheyheardyousayWereyouwide-eyedto hear themessage repeated backDid it sound like your thinkingDid youwonderldquoDidIreallysaythatrdquoThiscommonoccurrencehappensinregularlifeas well as in therapeutic settings A technique called ldquoactive listeningrdquoconsisting of literally repeating a clientrsquos disclosure back to him or her isfrequentlyusedtohelpclientsreflectonthewaystheynametheirownreality
Consciouslyjournalingourthoughtsandexperiencesafteryogapracticeisagood way to allow the process of externalizing whatever comes to mindmdashunobstructed and uncensoredLook at your journal and repeat ldquoWhat I heardmyselfsayingthinkingfeelingishelliprdquoYourrealityislivedanddeterminedbyyouin thewayyou talkabout itandname itHowyoudosodetermineshowyoulive
Resolve is a powerful tool for kick-starting the process of correctingunconscious habits and old behaviors Another creative exercise uses freeassociationtoacquaintyouwithyourtrueselfbyrecordinganaudioversionoffeelingsemotionsandimpressionsListentotherecordingandwriteldquoWhatIheard myself saying ishelliprdquo Just hearing your own voice a more familiarexpression of your inner dialogue offering insights can evokemore powerfulresults
Accept differences in the way you grieve Trying to emulate a familialsocietalorculturalmoldmdashinotherwordsforcingyourselfintoapreconceivedformmdashmaynot serveyoubestGrief isan intimateaffair revealing thedeeperself absolutely unique to each particular individualYourway of grieving the
wayyou love the things you lovemdashthey all speak towhoyou are Find yourway honor it and do it your waymdasheven if it is very different from anyexpectationsyoumighthaveorothersmayimposeuponyou
Consider that your grief might change from one moment to another Youchange just as theworld around you changes andmost important the newlyidentified self feeds off of thisWelcome those changes they reflectwhoyoureally are You grieve each loss differently and you can even experience amultitudeofpolarizedsymptomswithonelossChangesinthewayyougrieveexpress modifications in your mind and indicate that things are in factreorganizing
Even if things get more difficult day in and day out since everythingchanges so toowill that Practice itself is an importantmonitor for assessingchange Identifying the different states of feeling and being aided by certainexercises or combinations thereof are part of the self-knowledge that griefunveils What changed What made the change How can I reach that stateagainThesearesomeofthequestionstoaskyourselfwhileviewingthemanyfacesofyourgrievingprocess
You must facilitate moving through your own griefmdashentirely gently andfirmlymdashinyourownuniquewayDrWordenrsquosfourtasksareapragmaticuser-friendlyreferenceguide toevaluate thecourseofyourgrievingprocessand tolocateyourselfwithinthatcontextNextIofferyousomesuggestionsofhowtouse yogarsquos knowledge and some of the techniques included in the sadhana tomakeyourfulfillmentofWordenrsquostasksappearlessdaunting
ACCOMPLISHINGACCEPTANCE
DrWordenrsquos four tasks presented in chapter 1 are clear and direct Findwaystoaccept theemotionalrealityof the loss(first task)process thepainofgrief(secondtask)adapttoanewrealitywithout thepresenceofthedeparted(thirdtask)andrelocatethelostpersonorobjectsoyoucanembarkonanewlife(fourthtask)
Theyogapracticeoutlinedinthisbookcanbeusedtosupportyourworkonthe tasks For instance remaining aware of the breath during CompleteBreathingandwitnessingwithoutjudgmentanyresistanceyouencountercanbeinstrumentalinleadingtoacceptingtherealityoftheloss
Beawareofdistractingbehaviorssuchasgettinglostinachainofthoughtsrushingtothecomputerorgrabbingthephonewhichservetoavoidfeelingthedepth of what is happening Tolerating the discomfort is a skillful way of
meetingtheunpleasantfeelingsoflossJournalingisoneofthemostwidelyusedformsforreflectiveretellingofthe
factsGoingoverthedetailsagainandrecallingtheeventsthathappenedisoneofthemosteffectivemethodsforgainingacceptanceoflossWhenjournalingthe way youwrite about your reality is a reflection of the way you speak toyourselfaboutitWhenyourelatethefactsinyourjournalalsomakesureyouwrite about your feelingsmdashit is of the essence In order to do this you mustidentifyandexperiencethemandtodosoyoumustbepresent
PROCESSINGFEELINGS
InordertoproperlyprocessfeelingswemustfirstremainpresentforthemThisisoftenoneofthemostdifficultaspectsofgrievingbutitisalsooneofthemost importantWhat does itmean to remain present The actual practice ofbeingpresentvaries according towhich feelingyou focusonbecause feelingsassociatedwithgriefvarywidelyandcanbeofdifferentnatures
We often avoid our yoga practice or falter when the techniques elicit astrongerperceptionofthefeelingsResistanceisyetanothersignofthestruggleso identify your options for staying present Transiting your grief successfullyandestablishingwaystomoveoutoftheintensecenteroftheexperiencetoitsquieteredgesistheworkSincetheonlywayoutofthepainofgriefisthroughityoumustenterandexit theprocessskillfullyBecauseof itspassivenaturesadnessmdashthe most common feeling when grievingmdashallows us to actually sitwithitMostfindsadnessunpleasantandresistfeelingitsoweputupdefensestoeludeit
You can work on ldquositting with sadnessrdquo simply by staying seated inmeditation While meditating our minds tend to wander instead of focusingThat is true for our hearts aswellwe tend to flee from sadness toward otherfeelingssuchasanger
AngerisanactivefeelingandsittingwithitcanbeextremelyfrustratingItasksformentalandphysicalaction It isbestprocessedwhenthe targetof theangerisidentifiedandaneffectivemethodofexpressionisfoundAngerismetwithmanysocietaljudgmentsWearetaughtthatitisnotahealthyfeelingandthatitsexpressionmakesothersuncomfortableandonlyyieldsmoreangerItiscrucial to find an outlet for anger that does not conflict with what we haveaccepted as socially appropriate Instead of aggression I suggest consideringassertivenessasaneffectivealternativewayYoucanforcefullypushsomebodyawayfromyourdoorsteporyoucan lookstraight intohiseyespointingyour
finger at him while saying ldquoYou do not walk into my houserdquo Through thepracticeoftheAttitudeofDischargingangercanpurposefullybeexpressedintheintimacyofyourpersonalworkThistechniqueoffersmodesofexpressionfrom the more general involvement of the full body to the particular ldquoaaahrdquosound that promotes vocalizing the active nature of the feeling When notexpressed outwardly anger can turn inward resulting in self-destructivebehaviorssuchasrelapsingwithaddictionsSometimesangercanpresentitselfasanotherfeelingsuchasguilt
Because it isusually linked to irrational thoughtsguiltneeds tobereality-testedinrelationtothefactsAskyourselfifthereissomethingyoucouldhavedonedifferentlyorifanyactionstakencouldhaveindeedavoidedthelossThenyou should be able to recognize whether you did or did not have anyresponsibility for how things happened If you were indeed responsible thenwhat actionsmight help you to resolve the heavy burden of responsibility Iffeelings of guilt still persist what are they actually related toWhat can thelessonlearnedbe
The palette of possible feelings is vast and unique to each individual Allfeelingsarevalidmdashtheyaretheelementsthegrievingheartiscomposedofandneedtobeprocessedsowecangettoknowourselvesbetter
ADJUSTINGTOTHENEWREALITY
Discoveringhowtoadjusttoanewrealityvariesdistinctlyaccordingtothedetailsofour life situationandhowwe interpret themeaningof the lossThemorethelossthreatensourimmediatesurvivalthemoreimportantitbecomestoimplementbehaviorsforadjustment
For someone whose livelihood depended on who or what has been lostfindingwaystomakeendsmeetandfulfillonersquosmaterialobligationsbecomesofutmostimportanceAfterourinitialsurvival-basedneedsaremetotherneedsgain importance These often manifest as questions that reflect the newlybereaved personrsquos confusion or unfamiliarity with how to approach life afterlossldquoWhoamI ifnotamarriedmanWhoamInowthatIamunemployedWhycontinuetopraysincemypreviousprayerswerenotansweredrdquoByaskingyourselftheseandotherkeyquestionsyoulearnwhoyouhavebecomeandhowtolivemoreconsciouslywithoutthedeceasedAsyouembraceyournewrealitythe practice of Resolve is a solid ally imprinting new mental patterns andresettingoldonesNamingkeyresolutionssuchasldquoIpaymybillsontimerdquoorldquoIgotothegymeverydayrdquoiswhatkeepsthedirectionclear
Thesemental adjustments become effective coping tools for the long-termexperience of grief and bring immediate relief of present suffering Thedependenceon theold realitystarts to fadeawayThisoffersa freshdynamicoutlookthatenhancesindependenceandself-worthjustbykeepingaheightenedanddevotedfocusonthenewlyblossomingself
FACILITATINGEMOTIONALRELOCATIONOFTHEDECEASEDORLOSTOBJECT
Yogaaddressesthefundamentalmisapprehensionoffalseegoidentificationtaking the impermanent for permanent As you locate your place in the newrealitytherelationshiptowhoorwhatyouhavelostchangessignificantlyThisclarificationisessentialforhumblingthethreatenedegoInsteadofsubstitutingtheoldattachmentforanewoneseekanewplaceforyourselfinrelationshiptowhoorwhatyoulostYoucanchoosetofocusonwhoyouarenowwithoutthedepartedperson
BreathMeditationisidealforsupportingtheprocessofemotionalrelocationbecauseit requiresus tappingintoourcore issues theprofoundaspectsofouridentityForthisdeepandintimateworkourbreathmdashourlifeforcefuelingourworkmdashwillcontinuetoserveusuntilwetoodepartfromthislife
Your previous identity as effective anduseful as itwaswas linked to thepast responses andbehaviors relating to theworldrsquos challenges froma formernow-nonexistent timeThenewly forming self-identity is beingbasedonyourrevised inner world with more conscious thoughts positive images andappropriate needs that populate a healthier present The focus of yourembarkationismoresavoringandembracingtheactualinternaljourneyleadingyou home to your true self rather than the external aspects that previouslydefinedyourlife
DETACHEDATTACHMENTAHEALTHYMODELFORTHEFUTURE
After losing their son to an accident involving a drunk driver the Smithfamily started a nonprofit organization to raise funds to create a publicawarenesscampaignonthedangersofdrivingundertheinfluenceofalcohol
The organization offered an outlet for their emotions and created a publicforumforhonoringthelostchildinameaningfulwayThefamilyseemedtakenabackwhenI reminded themthat thenonprofit toowouldonedaycometoanend I explained that for example in the best-case scenario their campaignwould be 100 percent effective and no drunk driverswould exist so nomorefundswouldbeneeded
MyintentionwastomakethefamilyawareofthefinitenatureofallthingsincludingtheirorganizationEventhoughtheydidnotlikeanticipatingtheendtheywerecomfortedwhenIaskedthemtoconsiderthisnewpieceofawarenessasagiftfromtheirson
The ultimate intention of Wordenrsquos fourth task is to continue with thepreexistingbondand to findwaysofestablishinganenduringconnectionwithwhat wersquove lost Interestingly enough most existing models of grief therapypropose establishing new and healthier attachments as away to continuewithlife
IsuggestyouconsideranotherwaytolookatthisonemorecloselyrelatedtotheknowledgeofyogaIcallitdetachedattachmentaveryskillfultoolDoformattachmentsyetkeepfullawarenessofthefactthatwhatyouareattachedtowill inevitably disappear Factoring in the truth of the impermanence of allthingsyoucanestablishnewemotionalbondsthatempoweryoutolivefullyinthe moment with no promise of tomorrow Truly embodying this knowledgecouldeffectivelyfreeyoufromremaininginthepainfulcycleofattachmentAsall things eventually do attachment too must end Reassessing the value ofholding on to a belief that only brings suffering leads us to ask ldquoWhy notsubstitute it with a healthier more reasonable concept that might feel evenbetterrdquo
Thisapproachbridgesthepureandattimesunattainablemodelsoforthodoxyoga with the accommodating processes of Western psychology It offers ahappy medium for making new attachments which is an inherent need thathumanshaveBykeepingawide-openthirdeyeaccessingayogicawarenessofthe impermanence of all things you still allow for loving fully Loving inabsence aswell as in presence affords the opportunity of living fullywith theguidanceoftheyogicprinciplesforexistencereducingfuturesuffering
ThisisperhapsoneofthemostdifficultchallengeshumansreckonwithWeexhibit confusion either mistaking love for attachment or struggling to lovewithout itTheverycoreof the relocationprocesshouses theseedofournewbeing While relocating the deceased is the task we too are finding a newemotional address for ourselves Attributed to the universal integration of allexisting things balance equilibrates all systems simultaneously Performingritualsandengaginginactivitiestohonorthepersonorobjectwelostisintruthfor us The actual benefit gained is wholly for our healingwe can reclaim asenseofwell-beingwhilefacilitatingouradjustmentprocess
RevisitingtheexampleoftheSmithfamilyalthoughthesonmightneversee
thenonprofitorganizationtheyopenedinhisnametheorganizationhelpedthefamilytofindnewpurposeandanewidentity
TheThirdPartFindingtheNewIdentity
ThisiswherethetruegemlieswheretheblessingindisguiseisrevealedIamreferringtothedelightonefeelswhenfindingapotofgoldattheendoftherainbowItistheresultyouarelookingforwhenembarkingonaconsciousgriefjourneyYouopenaportaltoadeeperconnectionwiththeSpirittothespiritualrealm of your existence by integrating fresh information on how the bodyprocessesgriefwithhowthemindunderstandsit
WhenexploringthisnewconnectioneachpersondefinesandrelatestotheSpiritinhisorherownwayThequesttoknowtheSpiritisage-oldDespitethisbookrsquos many attempts to explain what Spirit is and because Spirit is anexperienceapracticemightbewortha lotmore thana thousandwordsLetrsquosuseyetagainanotherusefulpracticefromyoga
FINDINGSPIRITINTHEINNERSILENCE
IrsquovefoundthatpracticingthefirstpartofatechniquecalledantarmounaorldquoinnersilencerdquoisofmuchhelpwhenlookingforadeeperconnectionwiththeSpiritThetechniqueconsistsofsittinginacomfortablepositioninstillnessandwiththeeyesclosedThenhearallsoundsidentifyingloudonesfromsoftonesdistantones from those thatareclosebyknownones fromunknownoneshellipNow switch your awareness to your earsmdashthe outer ear its temperature itsshapetrytofeelthemiddleandeventheinnerearPerceiveyourearshellipNowswitchtheawarenesstoYouthewitnessofthesoundsmdashnotthesoundsnottheearsbutYouthewitnessofallsounds
Aftermasteringthetechniqueusingyourearsyoumaycontinuefocusingonyour feelings and then on your thoughts This technique offers a gradual pathtoward the innermost self it can be thought of as a system for disidentifyingwiththegrosserplanesofrealityTheselfweencounteristheoneweareafter
TheSpiritcanbecalledtheaspectofthebeingthatwitnesseslifethroughaphysicalbodyitisnotthephysicalbodynorthefactsoftheexperienceItistheobserverthatisnotalteredbywhatitobservesjustasamirrorisnotaffectedbytheitemsitreflects
SKILLFULQUESTIONING
Finding thenew identitycanbegreatlyhelpedbyusingoneof thegoldentoolsinyogaatmavicharaorself-inquiryTheessentialquestionoftheinquiryisldquoWhoamIrdquoTheanswercanonlybefoundwithinbyconnectingwiththewitnessbyaskingtheobserverwithinbygettingtoknowyourownSpirit
The question is intended to help you connect with the ldquosubjectrdquo of thisexistence or the ldquoIrdquoWe identify ourselves by the states we go through thethingswepossessandtheobjectswerelatetoAnswerssuchasldquoIamrichrdquoorldquoIamsadrdquoleadtoafalseidentification
Thekindofself-inquiryIrsquomindicating isbestconductedwhenworkingondiscarding the object-based identitymdashwhat I ammdashin order to discover thesubject-basedonewhoIamIt isaquestfor thetrueself inall thatwedo ineverythoughteveryspeecheveryaction
Thereasontoperformself-inquiryisthatwedonrsquotpurporttoknowwhoweareandgriefoffersusplentytodoubtTheskillfulquestioningisnotjustrelatedtowhatfamilyyoubelongtoorwhichcountryyouwereborninratheritseekstounmaskyouressentialidentityasanembodiedSpiritThatpartofyourselfasitrelatestoldquoIrdquoisnotidentifiedwiththephysical
Itconnectsyouwiththepureawarenessofwhoyouareratherthanwhatyouare aware of Bear in mind that the difference between object and subjectappearssubtletousandthatweareinherentlyconfusedaboutthesetworealmsOther clarifying questions are Who is feeling sad Who is experiencinganxietyWho is feeling lonely and fearfulMost grievers do not want to bedefinedbytheirgriefthistechniquehelpsconnectwiththeonewitnessingthesufferingnotthesufferingitself
COGNITIVEREFRAMING
VickiPanagotacos (2012292) agiftedAmericangrief therapist proposesfouressentialquestionstoguidetheprocessofenvisioninganewselfandanewlifebydefiningcertainparametersmostofusneedtodealwithIrsquovefoundthatherquestionsareskillful insupportingagrieverrsquospracticeofatmavicharaorself-inquiryThefourquestionsareasfollows
1 Whatdoyouwanttoincludeinyourlife
2 Whatdonrsquotyouwanttoincludeinyourlife
3 Whatdoyouhaveinyourlifethatyouwanttoeliminate
4 Whatdoyouhaveinyourlifethatyouwanttokeep
PanagotacosproposeswritingdowntheanswersoneeachonseparatepagesIn her therapy practice she dedicates a session to providing a final list to herclients including the answers to question 1 plus the ldquoconverted answersrdquo toquestions23and4(ForexampleldquoIdonrsquotwanttomoverdquoconvertstoldquoIwantto stay where I am livingrdquo [293]) I suggest you convert your answers toquestions23and4thenwriteadocumentwithyourfinallistThesearegreatquestionstoaskyourselftopromoteawarenessofyourpersonaljourneyandtofindyourselfinyournewlifeplans
According toKarenWhitleyBellwhowroteLiving at theEnd of LifeAHospiceNurseAddressestheMostCommonQuestions(2010)oneofthemostcommon comments of dying individuals when asked about what they regretabouttheirlivesisthattheywishtheywouldhavelivedmoreaccordingtotheirdesiresthanothersrsquoexpectationsWhileourlivescanonlybebreathedthroughourownnostrils sometimeswe adopt other peoplersquos beliefs aboutwhatrsquos bestforusandassumethemasguidinglightsItisonlythroughfulfillingtheneedsandthedeepdesiresofourheartsthatwecanachieveourdestinyflowingintheuniversalorderofallexistingthings
AtreedoesnotdevelopbranchesjustforbirdstoperchratherbecausethebranchesformthatisinthenatureofthetreersquosdevelopmentandunfoldingThefact thatabirdcanperchon itsbranch is just soandnot the treersquos reasonforbeing
IfyourpreviousidentitywasbasedonothersrsquoneedsyoucannowredesignandredefineanewbyaccessingoneofhumanityrsquosessentialdesiresldquothedesireforpurposethedrivetobecomewhoyouaremeanttoberdquoasexpressedbyRodStryker (2011 35) ldquoYour long-term happiness and fulfillmentrdquo he continuesldquodependonyourabilitytofulfillyourpersonaldharmaandfilltheplaceintheworldthatonlyyoucanfillrdquo
WhatArethePossibleMeaningsofFindingaNewIdentityAfterLoss
Oneoftheamazingfeaturesofthehumanbrainisitsabilitytoassignmeaningto our experiencesThis is due to the presenceof the neocortex a vast net ofinterconnected neurons that complement the functions of the reptilian braininteractingwiththelimbicsystemandtheemotionalbrainThisemotionalpartof thebrain appeared inmammals only just a fewmillionyears agoSowhat
doesthisprocessoftransformationmeanforanindividualThereisnoshortageofmeanings
FindingaLightattheEndoftheTunnel
Despair iscommoningriefbecausesometimes in thevastdarknessof theprocesswecannotenvisionhowlifecouldpossiblygoonItislikebeingstuckinadarktunnelunabletosenselightattheotherend
Thismetaphor often refers to the impossibility of identifying a solutionorresolution for an existing situation when we are in the thick of it ExistencecontinuesafterlossandsocanweBytrustingthatthereislightsomewhereandthat thedarknessinwhichweareimmersedinthepresentmomentwillnotbethere forever we can relax knowing that in time it too will change likeeverythingelsedoes
ThecaseofoneofmyclientsJoancomestomindFeelingboredpracticingConcentratedGazingsheaskedmetousealitcandleforthedistantfocalpointinsteadofablackdotHerassumptionwasthatthedancingflamewouldpreventherfromfeelingdrowsy
Because she had defined the experience of her grief aswalking through adarktunnelwithnoendIproposedtokeepthisimageinmindasshepracticedThis conscious ldquoshiftingrdquo of attention from her present reality of pain andconfusiontothepromiseofanenlightenedfutureservedasapowerfulmetaphorforJoanPerformingthisformofConcentratedGazingshetookthismetaphorofthelightattheendofthetunneltothephysicalrealmofherpractice
Focusingtheeyeonthedistantobjectbecameasymbolofherwillingnesstoface the unknown future projecting her intention tomove beyond the presentfeelings of pain confusion and isolation Even thoughwemight bemired indarknessanddespairthearcofourvisioncarriesustoadeeperrealityonefromwhichweemergestrongerandwiserThankstothisconsciousworkweareabletoovercomethenegativeanticipatorythinkingthathasensnaredus
WhileteachingaclassattheUniversityofCaliforniandashBerkeleyIoncehearda seasoned therapist share her newly found observation She stated that afterthirty-fiveyearsofcounselingclientsshesawthatalltherapeuticworkisbasedindealingwithgrief
Althoughmostgrievingindividualscertainlywouldpreferaquickfixthosewhochose to laboriouslyengage ingriefworkcanfindhope regain trustand
reducetheirpainEnticedbythepossibilityofabetterlifeonemoreabundantinlightandself-lovetheyrealizethatjustontheothersideoftheveilofdarknessissomuchmorethanmostofuseverthoughtpossibleWeenvisionthepositiveoutcomeofourgriefworka torchthatblazesat theothersidewiththenewlydiscoveredknowledgeofself
ExperiencingRebirth
Sometimestheexperienceofarrivingtoanewselfissointensethatpeoplerefer to it as a new birth or a rebirth This is something Irsquove seen happenparticularlyinthecaseofcancerpatientsPeoplefacingcancerhaveaprimarylossofhealthbuttheyalsofacesecondarylossessuchasthelossoftheabilityto perform familiar activities or the loss of hair due to chemotherapyrsquossecondaryeffects
Once losses have been normalized a surprising number of cancer patientsexpress enjoying newly cherished aspects of life They have reported feelingdeeper gratitude delighting in delicate interpersonal contact embodying adeeper knowing of their personal needs and more actively participating inincreasedcompassionateself-care
ManyperceivethisasanewlifeOftencancerpatientswillrefertothedateofdiagnosisasakindofldquosecondbirthdayrdquo
THEMYTHOFTHEPHOENIX
Thephoenixamythicalbirdthatobtainsnewlifebyrisingfromtheashesofits predecessorThe aftermath of the shockingdevastationof loss is describedusing imagery referring to scorched landscapes after a fire empty colorlessvacant dark and lifeless Using this metaphor imagine what this charredlandscape home to so many different animals plants and trees might havecontainedbeforeTheashescontaintherecordedimprintofthepreexistingfaunaandfloraaswellastheelementsthathelpthesoilbecomemorefertileandthatimprove theoverallhealthof the forestDespite theabsenceofwhatwas losttheirmemoryisretainedconcentratedintheashwhichfertilizestheforestfloorandfacilitatesregrowth
Byremainingpresentforthefeelingsthatcomeupingriefwebecomelikethe phoenix created anew from the ashes left behind by loss In her beautifulshortpieceonthelossofason-in-lawKimberleyPittman-Schulzwritesthatldquoto
grieve one deathmeans always to grieve twordquo (2011 16) This is true for somanyof thepeoplehollowedoutby theirexperienceof lossWhatever timeittakesmdashmonthsoryearsmdashtobecomeawareofhowdeeplyalosshaspenetratedus we have the option of living in honor of the departed or deceased byfollowingourpath
Themythofthephoenixisapowerfuloneforunderstandinghowfromthedepths of the ashes a new being is born rising high above the place of oursorrowanddespairendowedwithnewperspectivesandacquiredwisdom
HonoringtheLegacyoftheDeparted
Other than profoundly negative relationships the severance of whichprovidesreliefmostofuswanttocontinuethebondsfindingwaystohonorthelegacyofwhatwehavelost
MostlywechoosetobelievethatthedepartedwouldpreferustobehappyandtostillfulfillourdreamsIndoingso thisbecomesawayofhonoringthememory and intentions of the departed and a way of staying in contact withthemItprovidesuswithafreshopportunitytoshareournewinformationaboutourselves andour accomplishmentswith thedeceased in a figurativeway thatwebelievewouldmakethemhappy
Itallowsourbodies toengage inanaction thesimpleactionof livingourlivesinabetterwayWecannottouchthehandofalostchildorphysicallyhugalostpetyetwefindnewendeavorstoaccomplishldquoinhonorofrdquoldquoasrelatedtordquoandldquointhenameofrdquothedepartedbringingnewmeaningtotheloss
This can serve us by acknowledging and attending to the unfinishedbusiness and still effect perceptive changes even in our relationshipwith thedeceased
BeinganExampletoOthers
OursocietyisnotcomfortablewithgriefnordoesitoffersuitableoutletsforexpressionoftherelatedfeelingsInsteadgriefoftengetssweptundertherugAcommonbelief is thatwegetoverourgriefwith thepassageof timeNothingcouldbefurtherfromthetruththereisnoldquogettingoverrdquoourgriefanditdoesnot simply fade away with time By being patient with our own process weteachotherspatienceByconsciouslyaddressingoursymptomsweteachothers
about self-care By properly naming our feelings and speaking our truth weteachotherstoheargrieversoutandconsolethem
Finding a new identity after loss requires awareness and presence for themultitudeofinsightsgriefoffersBydoingourworkandsharingourexperiencewebecomeamodelanexamplethatotherscanbenefitfromintheirownlivesSociety loves those characters who are secure solid assertive and exhibitdominionoveruncertaintiesEveryonegravitates toward theherowhohumblyunderstands personal weaknesses has self-reliant qualities and has integratedacquiredknowledgeandwisdom
Aswetransitthegrievingprocessfromourheartsandtheintricaciesofourmindswediscoverourresilienceandstrengthenourskillsdefiningabetterlifeandsettingagoodexampletobewitnessedbyothers
LearningNewWaysofLoving
Our new identity can offer a different relationship between love andattachmentonethatmovesawayfrompresentingthemasequalIonceheardanotedprofessionalsaythatgriefisthepricewepayforlovebutintruthgriefisthepricewepayforattachment
Todifferentiate love fromattachmentwe set anewstandardofpossibilityboth with others and for ourselves Societies flourishing in balance and truthstartwithindividualsandrightnowthatisyouandme
Bymakingloveandattachment thesamewemistake the impermanentforpermanent and insteadof lovingunconditionallywe create the conditions forcodependenceByunderstandinghowtocontinuelovinginthefaceofabsencewe liberate love from itsmaterial basis and liberate ourselves in the processThen love achieves its full force becoming capable of transforming inunexpected ways undoing the old and granting us access to a new way oflovingourselveswithfreedomandrespect
SinkingintotheOrderoftheUniverse
The universal order is already in existence and sinking into it promotesactionsthatreinforcetheprincipleofpronoiawhichdictatesthattheuniverseisconspiring in your highest good in both the internal and externalworlds Theacceptanceofthisfactreestablishesourtrustinlifeandbringsasenseofhope
thatiselusivewhileingriefChangeisaconstantforceintheorderoftheuniverseAsyoubecomeaware
of personal choices that no longer serve you trusting the universal forceactivates conscious envisioning of new more appropriate options AnotheressentialyogictruthexpressesthatldquoalltheknowledgeyouneedforyourlifeisalreadywithinyourdquoConsidering thiscanhelpyoubreak free frompreviouslyheldbeliefsthatcauseresistance
IndoingsoyouremovethefirstofthefivecausesofsufferingasstatedbyPatanjali inTheYogaSutras ignoranceof the truthReplacing ignorancewithknowledgebasedonourpresentrealityisoftangiblebenefittogrievers
Theresultingfeeling issimilar towhatweexperiencewhenweswimwiththe current or when we sleep at night a sense of going with the flowcharacterizedbycomfortandeaseThatdoesnotmeantheabsoluteabsenceofstruggleItsuggeststhataswepracticeweencounteraccommodatingmomentsthatallowus togetcomfortablealongwith thediscomfortor relaxwithin theunrestfeelingeaseinthemidstofcomplexity
Yourecognizethatyouarepartofalargerorganismabundantinactivityandpulsatingwith lifeTheacceptance thatyouarepartofacommunityofotherswhohavehopesdesiresandfearsjustlikeyoudocanbeapowerfulantidotetotheparalyzingisolationofgrief
Youcanchangeanidentityestablishedontheoldmodelofattachmentsandembrace a new one based on the synchronicity of your coexistence with theuniverseMost of thework in yoga is related to understanding this union andallowing it to be lifersquos guiding light Transforming our grief offers theopportunity most of us seek to access to bathe in the universal wisdom andbecome part of the whole This experience changes our life forever in theintimacyofoursolitudeorinthecompanyoftherestofhumanity
GriefiswithoutadoubtthemostintenseinvitationtoacknowledgetheunionofallexistingthingsIhaveknownItnotonlyforcesustolivewithamazinglycontradictoryfeelingsandemotionssuchasldquoIdonrsquotwanttoeverthinkofhimagainmdashIdonrsquotwanttoeverforgethimrdquobutalsobecausewearepromptedtogothroughextremelyoppositeconditionsinourbodiesaswellfromfeelingfullofenergywhenexperiencingtheinitialshockofalosstofeelingdeepfatigueafewdayslaterAsconfusingastheseextremesmightseemtoourmindsourheartsfind solace and relief when able to link these opposing feelings and thoughtswith the word ldquoandrdquo A significant part of the new identity results fromsubstituting the limiting ldquobutrdquo for a more inclusive ldquoandrdquo Just think of how
differentitfeelstohearyourselfsayingldquoIwanttoremarrybutnootherwomanwilllovemethesamewayrdquoversusldquoIwanttoremarryandnootherwomanwilllove me the same wayrdquo The very presence of the word ldquobutrdquo is divisiveseparatingnotconducivetoreconciliationmdashqualitiesthatgrieversneednomoreofOnthecontraryldquoandrdquoisinclusiveunitinganinvitationtoreconcileTheseareallmilestonesforagrieveralonghisorherjourneythroughgrief
Aswe conclude the discussion of how to transform grief into a source ofself-knowledge toward a new identity I would like to revive the image of awindmillasametaphorforthisprocessoftransformationJustasthewindmillbladesaremovedbywindourwholebeingissweptupbythemysteryoflossThisnaturalphenomenon iswhatsparks the transformationofhardgrains intoedible flour just as loss forcesus to transform thedepthsofwhoweareThenewly created flour is the starting point of a future meal just as the newlyacquiredknowledgewehavegainedfromlossisthestartingpointofanewldquoIrdquo
ConclusionldquoSolitudehassoftsilkyhandsbutwithstrongfingersitgraspstheheartand
makesitachewithsorrowSolitudeistheallyofsorrowaswellasacompanionofspiritualexaltationrdquo
mdashKahlilGibran(200559)
GriefaffectsusonthedeepestlevelimaginableinallaspectsofourhumanitythephysicalmentalandspiritualBecausesomuchofouridentityiswrappedupinpreviousattachmentswhethergoodorbadthatidentityisstrippedawaywhenwe lose thosepersonsorobjects towhichwersquovebecomeattachedTheyoftenloomsolargelyinourworldthatwerarelytaketimetoquestionhowourlives might be affected by their absence When that moment comes we areforced to answer that question Regardless of our cultural background orreligiousaffiliationwefeel thatuniquesensationthatcomeswithlossBeyondany name we can find for it our whole being ldquoknowsrdquo what we are goingthrough
ThisbookisbornfromthatfeelingdeepwithinmeitisonemoreexpressionofhowmygriefpermeatedmyactionsthoughtsandwordsInowrealizethatfully embracing my personal grief along with my passion for working withgrievers professionally has been a way of emotionally relocatingmymotherandinevitablymyselfTheldquoIrdquospeakingtoyouinthepagesofthisbookcouldnotexistwithoutfirsthavingtransformedmyowngrief
Irsquove shared information about many aspects of grief that can help younormalize yours Please know that loss is part of the human condition andsooneror later grief is felt byallUnderstandinghowEast andWestdiffer intheir view of grief may help you tolerate your contradicting feelings andthoughtsYourpresentrealityisinawayinducedbyyourbrainBepatientallthroughoutlifeyourbrainadaptsbyrewiringitselfthroughexperiencemdashsocanyou
Irsquove offered tools to transform your physical reality through body
movementsandpostures aswell as to reshapeyourmentalpanorama throughbreath work and connect with the deep wisdom of your Spirit throughmeditation Irsquove given suggestions to tailor your practice according to yourabilitiesandneedsUnderstanding the relationshipbetween the techniquesandthewaysthetechniquesaffectgriefcaninformyourchoicesastowhichofthemtopractice
ThesimpleactofpracticingismoreimportantthananyonespecificexercisecontainedinthisbookWhathelpsyoumostisprovingtoyourselfthatyouhavetheintentiontochangePracticewillhelpyoufindwaysofkeepinganenduringconnectionwithwhoorwhathasdepartedwhilerelatingtoyournewemergingselfAsyouwitnessyourselfthepracticehasalreadybegun
ThroughthepowerofyogayouareabletoplungeintothedepthsthathousenotonlyyourpainbutalsoyourtrueselfItisoftenduringthistimethatweareabletomakereallastingchangesthatputusonanewpathtowardgreaterself-fulfillment and ultimate acceptance of the laws of the Universemdashour humbleessenceisjustonemoregrainofsandontheshoresofexistence
In our modern society we tend to trek through life at a breakneck pacestopping to look and listen only rarely either when itrsquos convenient or mostcommon when we are shocked into awareness Loss itself causes the soul-stirring awakening that transforms us even though grief asks not if we arepreparedforsuchtransformativework
Timeisanessentialpartof theprocess justnot theonlyonePayingcloseattentiontothewisdomofourSpiritisrequiredBereavementisatimewhentheSpirit can be contacted most readily because its latent power is clearlyaccessibleAsyoutranscendtheapparentdualityofexistenceyouwillfindthatlifeanddeathabsenceandpresencearepartofonecontinuumandcannotstripyouoftheloveresidingunderneathyoursuffering
TheyogapracticeIrsquovesharedwithyouisnottohelpavoidsufferingratherit is toaidyou in finding reliefAsyouexperienceyourgriefmore fullyyoumove closer to the unique being that you truly are Grief then becomes anaturally humbling invitation to self-reflection not something to be reviled orshunnedManyculturesacceptdeathasatimeofrenewalasapreciousmomentthat teaches us about the bonds we all share including the one with oneselfWhen loss occurs many of us let in loneliness for the first time As youacknowledge the life that has departed you also feel the life that still resideswithinandyouareinvitedtorecognizethatonedaythislifewilltoodepart
This isyour time toaccessasacredspacesetyour intentionsandwitness
theunfoldingoflifeonebreathinonebreathoutYouaretheonewhoneedsacknowledgmentinthismomentmorethananythingelseHereyogacanonceagain assist you Just consider one of yogarsquos core teachings ldquoWhat we arelookingforistheonewhoislookingrdquoYouareonyourwayhellip
GlossaryASANA
PhysicalmovementorposturetraditionallyfoundinthesystemofyogaByfirstaddressing thephysicalasanas help establish a strong foundation in the bodybeforemoreadvancedexercisesandmeditationareperformed
ATTACHMENTTHEORY
Theory pioneered by the behaviorist John Bowlby that discusses how we ashumanbeingsformemotionalbondsasinfantsandchildrenthatthendetermineourlove-relatedbehaviorsintoadulthood
AYURVEDA
AscienceoflifeayurmeaninglifeandvedameaningscienceorknowledgeItoffersabodyofwisdomdesignedtohelppeoplestayvitalwhilerealizingtheirfullhumanpotentialProvidingguidelinesonidealdailyandseasonalroutinesAyurvedaremindsusthathealthisthebalancedanddynamicintegrationofourenvironmentmindbodyandspirit
CHAKRAS
Energetic centers in the physical body that correspond to different nerveplexuses and endocrine glands aswell as certain emotional and psychologicaltraitsEachchakrasignifiesdifferentstagesofhumanevolution
DEGRIEFINGPROCESS
An integrated approach to grief therapy pioneered by Lyn Prashant thatincorporates bodywork traditional grief counseling and complementarytherapies
JWILLIAMWORDEN
American psychologist and grief counselor who created the ldquotasksrdquo model ofgrievingwhich identifies four tasks thegrievermust transit to fulfillanormalgrievingprocess
MEDITATION
MeditationisidentifiedbyPatanjaliwhowroteTheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliasthe primary means by which the practitioner achieves liberation It usuallyentailslimitingtherangeofchangeofthemindtobringaboutcalmandfocus
NORMALIZATION
Theconcept encountered ingrief therapy thatgrief symptomsarenormal andthat thesufferingagriever feelsaftera loss isnot tobeshunned It takes intoaccount both cultural and familial dismissals of grief This is often away forgrieverstofirstaccepttherealityoftheirlossandtostartprocessingthroughthepainoftheirgrief
PRANAYAMA
BreathingexercisestraditionallyfoundinthesystemofyogaBymanipulatingtheprana(lifeforce)pranayamaleadsustooperateontheconsciousnessitself
PRIMARYLOSS
The loss of a loved one object or ideal that occurs first and causes a typicalgriefreaction
PSYCHOPHYSIOLOGY
Multidisciplinarystudyofpsychologybiologyandneurologythatdemonstrateshowenvironmentalfactorsinfluenceusonapsychologicallevel
SADHANA
A spiritual practice that advocates a set of practical exercises to establishregularitythatsustainedovertimeleadsustospiritualfulfillment
SANKALPA
Theyogic principle ofResolveThis helps aid practitioners in identifying andsettinggoalsfortheirpracticeandthereforetheirlives
SECONDARYLOSSES
Lossesthatoccurasaresultoftheprimarylosshavingoccurred
SHATKARMA
Cleansing exercises that help purify both the body and mind preparing thepractitionerformeditation
YOGA
Asix-thousand-year-olddisciplinefromancientIndiawherebythroughphysicalexercises breath work and meditation we can overcome the suffering weencounterinlifeandcontactourSpirit
YOGACHIKITSA
Manrsquosfirstattemptatunitiveunderstandingofthemindemotionsandphysicaldistressandtheoldestholisticconceptandtherapyintheworld
YOGATHERAPY
Westernmodulationoftheoriginaldisciplineofyogaoftenperformedone-on-onethatcombinestraditionaltherapeuticmodelswiththebenefitsbestowedbythepracticeofyoga
ReferencesBegleySharon2007ldquoTheBrainHowtheBrainRewiresItselfrdquoTimeJanuary
192007httpcontenttimecomtimemagazinearticle09171158043800html
BhaktivedantaACSwamiPrabhupada1972Bhagavad-GitaasItIsLosAngelesBhaktivedantaBookTrust
Boleyn-FitzgeraldMiriam2010PicturesoftheMindWhattheNewNeuroscienceTellsUsAboutWhoWeAreNewYorkFTPress
BowlbyJohn1969AttachmentandLossVol1AttachmentNewYorkBasicBooks
BowlbyJohn1972AttachmentandLossVol2SeparationAnxietyandAngerNewYorkBasicBooks
BrezsnyRob2009PronoiaIstheAntidoteforParanoiaRevisedandExpandedHowtheWholeWorldisConspiringtoShowerYouwithBlessingsBerkeleyCANorthAtlanticBooks
BrobergAndersG2000ldquoAReviewofInterventionsintheParentndashChildRelationshipInformedbyAttachmentTheoryrdquoActaPaeligdiatrica89(434)37ndash42
BryantEdwinFed2009TheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliANewEditionTranslationandCommentaryNewYorkFarrarStrausandGiroux
DavidsonRichard2012TheEmotionalLifeofYourBrainHowItsUniquePatternsAffecttheWayYouThinkFeelandLivemdashandHowYouCanChangeThemNewYorkHudsonStreetPress
DiamondLisaM2001ldquoContributionsofPsychophysiologytoResearchonAdultAttachmentReviewandRecommendationsrdquoPersonalityandSocialPsychologyReview5(4)276ndash95
DiemerDeedre1998TheABCsofChakraTherapyAWorkbookYorkBeach
MaineSamuelWeiserInc
FreudSigmund1953ldquoMourningandMelancholiardquoInCollectedPapersVolIVeditedbyErnestJones152ndash70LondonTheHogarthPress
GardnerJames2002ldquoSomaticAspectsofLossandGriefrdquoNotesforUCBerkeleyExtensionContinuingEducationWorkshopBerkeleyCalifOctober26ndash27
GardnerJames2010ldquoTheAnxietyToolboxProgramrdquohttpwwwanxietytoolboxcomtoolboxindexhtm
GibranKahlil2005ldquoSilentSorrowrdquoInTheKahlilGibranReaderInspirationalWritingstranslatedbyAnthonlyRFerris59ndash61NewYorkCitadelPress
GoetheJohannWolfgangvon(attributed)DateunknownFromldquoUntilOneIsCommittedhelliprdquobyMeredithLeeGoetheSocietyofNorthAmericalastmodifiedMarch51998httpwwwgoethesocietyorgpagesquotescomhtml
LowenAlexander1994BioenergeticsTheRevolutionaryTherapyThatUsestheLanguageoftheBodytoHealtheProblemsoftheMindNewYorkPenguinArkana
LuncheHowardJ1999UnderstandingGriefAGuidefortheBereavedBerkeleyCASVLPress
MainMaryandJudithSolomon1986ldquoDiscoveryofanInsecureDisorientedAttachmentPatternProceduresFindingsandImplicationsfortheClassificationofBehaviorrdquoInAffectiveDevelopmentinInfancyeditedbyTBerryBrazeltonandMichaelYogmanNewYorkAblexPublishing
PanagotacosVicki2012ldquoDefiningandEnvisioningSelfrdquoInTechniquesofGriefTherapyCreativePracticesforCounselingtheBereavededitedbyRobertANeimeyerNewYorkRoutledge
Pascual-LeoneAlvaro2001ldquoTheBrainThatPlaysMusicandIsChangedByItrdquoAnnalsoftheNewYorkAcademyofSciences930315ndash29
PertCandace1997MoleculesofEmotionWhyYouFeeltheWayYouFeelNewYorkScribner
Pittman-SchulzKimberley2011ldquoLightHeldTogetherByWaterrdquoTheSunMagazineOctober162011
PrashantLyn2002TheArtofTransformingGriefAPracticalGuideforCombiningConventionalandComplementaryMind-BodyTherapiesSanAnselmoCalifSelf-published
PrashantLyn2005Keynotespeechatthe12thAnnualNationalAlzheimerrsquosConferenceMayoClinicRochesterMinnNovember
RandoTherese1993TreatmentofComplicatedMourningChampaignIllResearchPress
RawatPremPalSingh1990March16LectureatThePremRawatFoundationBuenosAiresArgentina
ReichWilhelm1949CharacterAnalysisNewYorkFarrarStrausandGiroux
RosenbaumBentandSverreVarvin2007ldquoTheInfluenceofExtremeTraumatizationonBodyMindandSocialRelationsrdquoInternationalJournalofPsychoanalysis88(6)1527ndash42
SatyanandaSwami1976FourChaptersonFreedomBiharIndiaYogaPublicationsTrust
SatyanandaSwami1985KundaliniTantraBiharIndiaYogaPublicationsTrust
SelbyJohn1992KundaliniAwakeningAGentleGuidetoChakraActivationandSpiritualGrowthNewYorkBantamBooks
StrykerRod2011TheFourDesiresCreatingaLifeofPurposeHappinessProsperityandFreedomNewYorkDelcortePress
SubramuniyaswamiSivaya1999WeaverrsquosWisdomAncientPreceptsforaPerfectLifeKapaaHIHimalayanAcademy
UlvestadElling2012ldquoPsychoneuroimmunologyTheExperientialDimensionrdquoMethodsinMolecularBiology93421ndash37
VandenBergBellisAlbertWongPetervanderVeldenHendriekBoshuizenandLindaGrievink2012ldquoDisasterExposureasaRiskFactorforMentalHealthProblemsEighteenMonthsFourandTenYearsPost-DisasterALongitudinalStudyrdquoBMCPsychiatry12147ndash60
WhitleyBellKaren2010LivingattheEndofLifeAHospiceNurseAddressestheMostCommonQuestionsNewYorkSterlingPublishing
WeintraubAmy2004YogaforDepressionACompassionateGuidetoRelieveSufferingThroughYogaNewYorkBroadwayBooks
WordenJWilliam2009GriefCounselingandGriefTherapyAHandbookfortheMentalHealthPractitioner4thedNewYorkSpringerPublishingCo
AntonioSausysMAIGTCMTRYTisasomaticpsychotherapistandyogainstructorspecializing inone-on-oneyoga therapy forpeoplewithchronicandacutemedicalconditionsaswellasemotionalimbalanceHestudiedwithyogamasters and teachers such as Indra Devi Swami Maitreyananda and LarryPayne He has continued his professional development with training inintegrative grief therapy with Lyn Prashant foot reflexology SwedishtherapeuticmassageandReikiAntonioteachesandlecturesperiodicallyattheUniversityofCaliforniaBerkeleyattheCaliforniaInstituteofIntegralStudiesKripaluCenterforYogaandHealthHeisamemberoftheWorldYogaCounciltheInternationalAssociationofYogaTherapistsandtheAssociationforDeathEducationandCounselingHeisthefounderandexecutivedirectorofYogaforHealthmdashthe International Yoga Therapy Conference and television host forYogiViewsFormoreinformationvisityogaforgriefreliefcom
TheauthorthankshisfreelanceeditorElliottVogel forhiscreativeassistanceonYogaforGriefReliefVogelisafreelancewriterandeditorAstudentofyogaforovertenyearsVogelrsquosjourneystudyingthephilosophyandpracticeofyogaoriginatedunderthetutelageofthebookrsquosauthorAntonioSausysHecurrentlyresidesinMillValleyCA
Foreword writer Lyn Prashant PhD FT IGT SYVC is a somaticthanatologist certified grief counselor massage therapist yoga instructorauthorandinternationalpresenterSheisthedirectorandfounderofDegriefingreg
(IntegrativeGriefTherapy)andtheInstituteofSomaticThanatology
- Contents
- Acknowledgments
- Foreword
- Introduction
- Grief A Normal Response to Loss
-
- Defining Grief The Western View
- Four Tasks of Mourning A Road Map for the Grieving Process
- Grief and the Brain
-
- Yoga and Grief
-
- The Five Spokes on the Wheel of Suffering
- Griefrsquos Challenge to Spirituality
- Love Beyond Attachment
-
- How the Yoga for Grief Relief Practice Works
-
- How This Practice Was Born
- The Active Principles of the Practice
- How the Practice Functions as a Whole
-
- What You Can Do The Yoga Practice
-
- Accepting Life Fully
- Unblocking the Flow of the Life Force
- Whisking Up the Feelings
- Let Go
- Sleep Better and Awaken to a New Perspective
- Control Is Somehow Possible
- Bringing Calm to a Scattered Mind and a Distressed Body
- Dissolving Old Patterns and Reprogramming the Mind with Intention
- Opening to Spirit
-
- Designing the Logistical Aspects of Your Practice
-
- Setting the Intention
- Should You Practice Alone or Under Guidance
- Is It Better to Practice Individually or in a Group
- Is It Safe to Do This Practice by Yourself
- Which Exercises Are Best for Me
- Where Should I Practice
- When Should I Practice
- For How Long Should I Practice
- Your Practice Changes as You Do
-
- The Process of Transformation
-
- Finding a New Identity After Loss
- How Can the Transformation Be Accomplished
- What Are the Possible Meanings of Finding a New Identity After Loss
-
- Conclusion
- Glossary
- References
-
ThisbookisdedicatedtomymotherOlgaThemisMarunAvisapwhoeveninherpassinggavememoretoolsthanIcancomprehendtobecometheprofessionalIamtodayBytakingmelovinglybythehandaswepiercedtogetherthroughdifficultiesinlifeshepreparedmeforthe
transformationofthegriefherlossleftbehindintowhoIamtoday
HertrustinmeencouragedmetotakeonthisjourneyherrespectfordisciplinegavemegroundsforperseveringwhenindoubtIamawareshediedconcernedaboutnotseeingme
becomethemansheformedTheunstoppableforceofherteachingsisatestamenttohowwhileIdidloseherphysicalpresenceshewillforeverbeweavedintothetapestryofmyheart
WhereveryouareMominwhateverwayyoucanseemehereitishellipThankyouagain
ContentsAcknowledgmentsForewordIntroductionChapter1GriefANormalResponsetoLoss
DefiningGriefTheWesternViewFourTasksofMourningARoadMapfortheGrievingProcessGriefandtheBrain
Chapter2YogaandGriefTheFiveSpokesontheWheelofSufferingGriefrsquosChallengetoSpiritualityLoveBeyondAttachment
Chapter3HowtheYogaforGriefReliefPracticeWorksHowThisPracticeWasBornTheActivePrinciplesofthePracticeHowthePracticeFunctionsasaWhole
Chapter4WhatYouCanDoTheYogaPracticeAcceptingLifeFullyCompleteBreathing(MahatYogaPranayama)UnblockingtheFlowoftheLifeForceEnergyFlowSeries(Pawanmuktasana1)WhiskingUptheFeelingsWindmill(VayuChakramAsana)LetGoAttitudeofDischarging(UtthitaLolasana)SleepBetterandAwakentoaNewPerspectiveConcentratedGazing(Tratak)ControlIsSomehowPossibleAlternate-NostrilBreathing(NadiShodhanaPranayama)BringingCalmtoaScatteredMindandaDistressedBodySelf-RelaxationTechnique(AngaShaithilya)DissolvingOldPatternsandReprogrammingtheMindwithIntentionResolve(Sankalpa)OpeningtoSpiritBreathMeditation
Chapter5DesigningtheLogisticalAspectsofYourPracticeSettingtheIntentionShouldYouPracticeAloneorUnderGuidanceIsItBettertoPracticeIndividuallyorinaGroupIsItSafetoDoThisPracticebyYourselfWhichExercisesAreBestforMeWhereShouldIPracticeWhenShouldIPracticeForHowLongShouldIPracticeYourPracticeChangesasYouDo
Chapter6TheProcessofTransformationFindingaNewIdentityAfterLossHowCantheTransformationBeAccomplishedWhatArethePossibleMeaningsofFindingaNewIdentityAfterLoss
ConclusionGlossaryReferences
Acknowledgments
My deep gratitude goes to Lyn Prashant Her immense knowledge of theimplicationsofgriefforthebodyinformedandenlightenedmyunderstandingofthis difficult time for the human heart Her insightfulmentorship transformedandenligthenedmyprofessionaloutlookHercompassionandprofoundabilitytoholdspacesupportedmethroughthetransformationofmyownbereavementHergentleyetfiercecommitmenttothetruthofthesoulmovedmetolevelsofdepthstillmanifesting inmy life todayHerwisdomanddedication toservingothersinspiredmyworkIrsquomhonoredtohavehadtheopportunitytodeveloptheseedsheplantedwithinmeandIthanktheuniversalorderforhavingourpathsmeetinthislifetime
I thank Elliott Vogel whose patience dedication and creative assistancehelpedshapemywritingwhilepreservingmyownvoiceHiseditstranslatedthelanguage of my heart into adequate words that now reach the ears of thosewillingtolisten
AnimageisworthathousandwordsMysincerethankstoBryanHendonapowerfulhumanbeingwithawizardinhiseyesSeeingmyselfthroughhislensgavemeconfidenceandrevealedarenewedimageofmyself
Thanks tomy dearwifeKatiawho supportedme in somany loving andrespectfulways throughout theprocessofwriting thisbookHerbeliefguidedme back tomy self-trust so that I could continue she helpedme remove theobstaclesagainandagainThankyousweetie
Finally I must thank the wisdom of Yoga that pouring through my lifeturnedmeintoahumblevehicleoftheuniversalknowledgeweallabideby
Foreword
In1984IwaslivingattheLivingDyingProjectinSantaFeNewMexicowithmy young husbandMark He was exploring the nature of his life and deathprovokedbytheextremeafflictionofmetastasizedheadandneckcancerIwasnewlymarriedandboththegrievingwifeanddesignatedsurvivorWithMarkrsquosdeathDegriefing(IntegrativeGriefTherapy)wasbornandmylifersquosworkwasshowntome
AtfirstIquestionedhowIwasgoingtocontinuetofindmeaninginmysolojourneyIaskedMarkldquoWhoamIWhodiesWheredoyougoWhatamItodowiththerestofmyliferdquo
ldquoLearntoloveeverythingasyoulovemerdquowashissimplystatedresponseIsoughtoutprofessionals tohelpme learn todo that andyet felt invisiblenotheardnotseenIdidnrsquotevenunderstandhowtobegintolookformeAcaringand concerned friend treated me to my first experience of truly consciousbodyworkwhichhelpedmebegintotoleratebeinginmyskin
Ialsonoted thatwhenIcoaxedmygrievingbody intosomeyogaposes Ifelt the molecular shift of my internal particles reorganizing As an athletephysical education teacher and coach I saw how the physical body not onlyneedsitsownexpressionbutactuallydemandsphysicalreleaseThisresetsthebalance of the many interconnected complex biological systems involved ingriefMythinkingwasclearerafterarunoradanceoraswimIsawthatwhenIengagedmybodyIfeltenergizedratherthandrainedIwasfeelingalifeforceinside ofme resurging How could this beWas this okayWould I losemyconnectionwithMarkifthepainstartedtosubsideThisforcethisfuelwhatisitforhellipTodowhathellipToknowwhatIwasreappearinginanewversionofmyever-changingself
As I was preparing to graduate from the Grief Counseling CertificationProgramattheGraduateSchoolofProfessionalPsychologyatJFKUniversityIwas offered a position as the director of the first holistic health spa in thesouthernconeofSouthAmericaBeforedepartingtheSanFranciscoBayAreaIstatedIwouldmanifestthemostamazingyogateacherinSouthAmericaThisstatement actualized itself whenAntonio interviewed for the position of yogainstructoronthespastaffIsharedmyvisionofworkingwiththebereavedand
askedifhewouldliketoparticipateHisresponsewaspassionateandgenuineexhibitingcontinuedinterestdevotionandcommitment
YogaforGriefReliefisanoffshootoftheDegriefingprocessrepresentingtheworkof IntegrativeGriefTherapyat its core It directly relates to somaticthanatology which uses integrative therapeutic interventions as externalizingtoolsinvolvingthebodymindandspiritEachindividualchoosesandusesthetoolsthatwillhelphimorhernavigatetheuncharteredwatersofgriefYogaisthe master transformer by offering teaching and options for everything andeveryone Grief turns us inside out and upside down and so does yogacompassionately lovingly individually itmeetsuswhereweare inourselvesYogaguidesustoawayoflifethatpromoteshealthyintentionalchangeItisawayofself-loveandloveforall
IsawinAntoniotheinfinitepossibilitiesandwide-rangingopportunitiesforhimtoassistthebereavedIfoundthathishighlyskilledapproachalongwithhisexpert training in both the yogic tradition and body-oriented psychotherapyprovidedhimwithamind-bodybalancecosmicallysuitedforhislifeworkasayogamasterHeisdevotedtothehighestgoodforeveryoneandisalovingandfiercetaskmastertransmittingtheknowledgeoftheyogicwayoflivingIknewthatAntoniowastheonetocarryforththeDegriefingworkthroughYoga
ItisallhereinthisimportantbookItdelicatelycombinesandcorrelatestheuseofEasternwisdomwithWesternphilosophyWearegrievinggloballyandneedadoseofuniversalknowledgetopromotebalancewithineachoneofus
This book is a gift a friend and a tool It offers maps to demystify andnormalize aspects of grieving by presenting options for transforming ourphysical grief balancing systems compromised by its profound and humblingeffectsSincewearejumbledscatteredandshatteredalreadyweareinaprimeposition to integratenewcopingskills fora lifebased in thebuddingsenseofournewlyrevealedpersonalreality
InYogaforGriefReliefwelearntoexpressnotrepresstoexternalizenotinternalizetobreatheagainandrelocateallourlossestoourheartcentersowecan thrive within our newly met self Antoniorsquos work has furthered thedevelopment of Degriefingrsquos basic premises and illuminates the process ofworking with our grief Yoga provides support for all the systems and is thecontainerforintegrationofmind-body-spirit
Read and cherish this book digest it share it and embody the relief youseekWith the teachings of yoga and Antoniorsquos astute guidance take a deepbreathandbuckleyourpsychicseatbeltYouareonyourwayhome
mdashLynPrashantPhD
Introduction
GriefisaradicalopportunitytotransformourawarenessbutfewofusknowitWhenIwastwentyyearsoldmymotherdiedofastrokeFortwoandahalfyears I lived in a state of denial completely disconnected frommy feelingsWhenIwasfinallyabletobewithmypainIdiscoveredtomyastonishmentthatmybodyhadcreatedanadditionalcalciumdepositbetweenoneofmyribsandthebreastbonemdashwhatthebodywillsometimesdoinresponsetoafractureIn essence what my mind had been hiding my body showed with pristineclarityIhadabrokenheart
As life continued after the loss of my mother I began training with LynPrashant an outstanding grief counselor and therapist and creator of theDegriefingprocessacomprehensivemind-bodyapproachtogrieftherapyShehelpedmelearnthatgriefisoneofourleast-tappedsourcesofself-knowledgeSometime after starting to work together Lyn asked me to develop a yogapractice to address the body-centered effects of grief which can range fromfeelings of lethargy to dull aches tightness in the chest cavity shortness ofbreathandsleeplessnessIwaswellequippedthroughmytrainingasasomaticpsychotherapist and yoga teacher But it was my own personal experience ofgrief that led me to build a sadhana or spiritual discipline that eventuallybecameaholisticpracticeIcallYogaforGriefRelief
Today many of us though we donrsquot know it live in a perpetual state ofunacknowledgedgriefTherearemanyreasonsfor thisOneprimaryreason isthatweliveinasocietythatoftenshiesawayfromthepowerfulemotionsthatgriefpresentstousWeareoftenstoiclumberingthroughlosswithoutfeelingreturningtoworkorourdailylivesafterthelosslikenothinghappenedweburyourgriefdeepinsideofuswhereitremainstrappedbothinbodyandmind
Griefhappens in thebody yet thephysical symptoms that comeup in thegrievingprocessarenotalwaysdealtwithasdirectlyas theyshouldbeThesesymptomsarejustascommontothegrievingprocessasmentalandemotionalsymptomsandrequirejustasmuchattentioninordertobetreatedTalktherapycanbewonderfulbuttoooftenthebody-centeredeffectsofgriefgetsubsumedundertheemotionalissuesbeingdealtwithApersoncanatthesametimeandwith not much difficulty experience relief from these physical symptoms byperformingafewbasicexercisesTheseexercisesknowncollectivelyasyoga
weredevelopedmorethansixthousandyearsagobypeoplegiftedinthementalpowersofintuitionTheyrealizeddirectlywhatweintheWestarebeginningtounderstand today through the advent ofmodern science that the humanmindandbodytrulyshareaconnectionandinfluenceoneanotherandthat throughpracticeonecanlivefreelyinanabundanceofjoyandpresenceofSpirit
AbundanceofjoyYoumaythinkyouhavepickedupthewrongbooksincethesepagesare focusedongriefand themethods thatcanhelp thosesufferingfromitseffectsButIhaveexperiencedfirsthandthejoyyogacanprovideamidthemostoverwhelmingsorrowthehealingbroughtaboutbytheperformanceofsimple physical movements and different breathing techniquesmdashpractices youmayalreadybefamiliarwithWhatthisbookoffersisnotaldquoretreatrdquofromgriefnoraldquoreleaserdquofromgriefbutsimplysomerelieffromgriefOnceweareabletoworkphysicallywith the new reality loss has thrown us intowewill then beabletobetterunderstandwhatitisthathashappenedtousOnceweareabletoacknowledgethatononehandourliveswillneverbethesameandthatontheother hand all the potential of the universe lies within us a different picturestartstoemerge
LynPrashant affirms that ldquowedonrsquot get over our losseswe transformourrelationship to themrdquo and I agree with her one hundred percent Grief is apowerfulsourceofinformationaboutwhowearewhenwedaretolookThereisanaturalprogressionfromonetotheotherandifweareabletotransformourrelationship togrief inaway that results in improvedself-knowledge thenwecan establish a new identity We identify ourselves through the persons andthingsweareattachedtowhenwelosethemwelosepartofwhoweareYetwecontinuebeingonlyinawaythatisnotknowntousTheprocessoffindingoutwhothenewldquoonerdquoisismultilayeredItinvolvesunderstandinganddealingwith thephysical symptomsofgriefactuallycompleting thegrievingprocessandreidentifyingourselvesnotbasedonpreconceivedorprelearnednotionsbutinstead on our true essence the onewersquove come somuch closer to thanks tohavingbeenstrippedofourpreviousidentityForthattohappenwemustworkThesadhana Irsquovedevelopedoffersapracticemdashthefoundationfor theworkwemustdomdashandalongthewayIrsquollsharetoolstohelpusreapthebenefitsweareafter
Bysittingwithawarenesswestart toaccept thechangeswearenowfacedwithAsweconsciouslyworkwithandevenchallengeourlearnedreactionsweask What starts to emerge from the chaos that loss leaves behind It is agroundedindividualonewhoisable toaccept thenewrealityandtocontinuewithlifeacalmpractitionerevenacuriousyogiAndwhydowepracticeItis
for the same reason that people inmodern-day India sat in yogic postures sixthousandyearsagopracticingmeditationbecausethedesiretoresolvesufferingisuniversalWeallneedcopingmechanismsweallneedtreatmentsthatsootheourrestlessmindsandourachingbodiesbutaboveallweneedtheknowledgethatcanbegainedsimplybybaskinginonersquosinnersilence
The practice I have developed for transforming grief from a painfulexperienceintoaconscioussourceofself-knowledgeisintroducedinthisbookin a six-part sequence breathing exercises body movements cleansingtechniquesrelaxationmentalreprogrammingandmeditation
Thebreathingtechniqueshelpbringbackasenseofcontroltotheindividualbymanipulatingthepranaorvitalforcewhichhelpsunitethegapbetweentheconscious and the unconscious The body movements serve to manage thebodyrsquosphysicalsymptomsofgriefparticularlyaddressingpainandotheracutesymptomsThecleansing techniqueshelp reset theendocrinesystemaffectingthe fight-or-flight responsewhich plays an essential role in the grief reactionandthefeelingsassociatedwith itRelaxation is includedwith the intentionofdiminishing the stress levels that increase during grief The powerful yogicprincipleofResolvehelpsresetmentalpatternsandfocusesthemindtowardthetransformationofgriefFinallymeditationisusedtoaddresstheSpiritoncethebody is still and the mind is calm that which is neither body nor mind canmanifestmoreclearly
Themainasana (physical posture) of theYoga forGriefRelief practice iscalled theWindmill Symbolically the windmill serves as an analogy for theprocessoftransformationofgriefintoanewidentityTheforcesoftheunknownmdashthewindmdashpowerthemechanismsofthewindmilljustasthemysteryoflosscreatesachurninginthedepthsofourownselvesAsthewindmillutilizesthesometimeswildanddestructiveforceofwindenergytomechanicallytransformhardgrains intoedible flour the techniques in this sadhana can transformourSpiritsleftvacantbylossbutopentoreceivingtheknowledgethatexistswithinusJustasthegrainbeingpulverizedresultsinafinerqualityofflourtheyogaexercisessharedhereoperateataneurochemicallevelimprovingourmoodandstrengtheningourresolveinthefaceofinsurmountablelossNotonlydoesthephysical component of the practice make us feel better new patterns areestablished that link the conscious performance of certain exercises with anoverallsenseofwell-beingMoreneuroscientistsarediscoveringthatourbrainsare resilient organs capable of far more than we had previously given themcreditforespeciallyintherealmofemotionaldisordersandaddictionButtheconclusionsofmodernneuroscienceall seem topoint tooneessential truthof
biological determinism practice makes perfect Our brains are capable ofreformation but they require discipline Yoga is an ancient art one whosefounders realized the importance of practice for physical results in the bodylastingimpressionsoftranquilityinthemindandtheevolutionofthesoul
It is the techniques themselves that are the inspiration for this book ThepracticemdashanditseffectsmdashresonatesstronglyinmylifetodayandinthoseofmystudentswhohaveengagedinitTheaimofthispracticeistohelpyouacceptthe realityof lossand thenwork through thepainofgriefOnceapersoncanadjusttothisnewsituationorenvironmentwithoutthelovedonethenheorshecan emotionally reinvest the love attached to the lost person or object andembarkonanewlife
When lateron in lifemyfatherpassedawaydespitemyknowledgeof thegrievingprocessandtheawarenessIhaveaboutwhatpracticescanhelptraverseit nothing could save me from experiencingmdashagainmdashthat deep pain of lossThere is noway around grief going through it is the only healthyway ThisbookandthetechniquesIdemonstrateherearenotawayofldquogettingovergriefrdquoInstead of avoiding the feelings these techniques are designed to help younavigate through emotions that are not always pleasant Because of myexperienceasayogatherapistIhadanawarenessofwhatsomeofmyreactionsweregoingtobewhenmyfatherdiedandIknewIhadtoolsIcouldutilizetohelp normalize those reactions and emerge anew It ismyhope that this bookwillofferawindowtotheuniquewayyouexperienceyourowngriefandgiveyousomesimpletechniquesthatwillhelpyousafelyexplorethatexperience
Youmay benefit from reading this book if you are looking to explore orwork with grief in the intimacy of a home yoga practice or existing studioworkoutifyouwouldliketocomplementthegrieftherapythatyouarealreadyengaged in or if you work with grieving individuals in your profession andwouldliketointegratetheknowledgeofyogaintoyourexistingtoolbox
Inchapter1youwill find information thatwillhelpnormalizeyourgriefYouwillstarttounderstandtheuniquenessofyourgrievingprocessandatthesame time acknowledge someuniversal truths about it In chapter2 youwilllearnsomeofthesuccinctwisdomofyogawhichwillhelpyouunderstandgriefinadifferentculturalcontextandhowparticularenergycenters(chakras)reactwhenwegrieveThewisdomteachingsareaknowledgethatisinactioninallofusregardlessofourbackgroundsorbeliefsystems
Inchapter3youwilllearnabouteachgeneralcategoryofpracticeandhowtheycanbeusedtoaddressdifferentaspectsofthegrievingprocessChapter4
presentstheexercisesinasimplehow-tomannerincludinghoweachtechniquecan help transform grief Chapter 5 offers guidance on how to set up yourpracticeaccording towhatrsquospossible foryouandwhatyourpersonal intentionisThis chapter also showsyouhow to start framingyour ideal conditions forpractice identifying what you want to accomplish along with any possiblebarriersInanycasewhatrsquosmostimportantisthatyoumeetyourselfwhereyouareItmaysoundsimplebutisoftenachallengeforthosefacedwithloss
AfterlearningthetechniquesandstartingtoplanhowtointegratethemintoyourlifeyouwilldiscoverhowtheyogapracticeservesthegreaterprocessoftransformationthatawakensyourspiritualconnectionwithlifeInchapter6youwilllearntoidentifyoldpatternsandwaysofthinkingyouwouldliketodiscardandpromote thoseyounowwelcomeaspartof the journey towardyourmostcompleteversionofyourselfThoughyoumightnotyethavefinishedgrievingyoucan start to seeways inwhich theexperienceofgrief serves to transformyourlifebygettingtothecoreofwhoyoureallyare
AsyoureadthroughthisbookremembertobegentlewithyourselfUsethisbookasaguidedrawfrom itwhenneededand remember that inorder tobeeffective these techniquesneed to bepracticed Intellectual information is notwhatweareafter Ifourmindscould solve themysteryof lossandgriefyouwould not be reading this book nor would I have written it I hope that inreading this book and throughyour ownpractice youmay access the hiddengiftthatliestrappedinthepainfulexperienceofgrief
Chapter1
GriefANormalResponsetoLoss
Grief affects the physical mental spiritual and emotional aspects of ourhumanityItisournormalreactiontolossbutthistruismdoesnotmakeitanyeasiertodealwithWeseemtoliveasifthethingsweareattachedtoarealwaysgoing to be thereAndmany of uswere raised in cultures that do not openlyacknowledge grief When faced with the pain and shock of loss we feelawkward clueless and confused overwhelmed and unprepared to begin tosootheourselvesAphraseheardfrequentlyfromgrievingpeopleisldquoIfeelasifIamgoingcrazyrdquoSomeconsider theprocessofbereavement tobean illnessrather than a normal part of the human condition that seeks outlet andexpression The cries of heartbreak allow the body to achieve balance byfacilitatingthereleaseofstresshormonesandsoothingsomeofthephysicalpainencounteredingrief
People experience grief in different ways We experience a vast array ofemotionalandphysicalsymptomsfromtheagitatedandanxioustothelethargicanddepressedfrombodyachesandmusclestiffness todisruptionsinsleepingandeatinghabitsThecommonfactor inall thesesymptomsishowourbrainsareinvolvedinthegrievingprocessCurrentresearchexploringtherolethatthebrainplays inemotional life isdiscussedlater in thischapter inldquoGriefandtheBrainrdquo
Yoga forGriefRelief is an entireprogramdesigned to support and informyou in all aspects of bereavement Itrsquos important to recognize that while thegrieving process is profoundly uncomfortable it is actually normalHowevercomplicatedgrief that continues toprovokeunhealthybehaviorsover the longterm and that takes an extreme toll on the griever is often better served byprofessionalhelp
DefiningGriefTheWesternViewGriefisapervasiveforceendemictothehumanconditionandanessentialpartofouremotionalmakeupEachculturerelatestogriefuniquelyWhereyougrewup how openwas your society to discussing issues that produce griefWhatcommonfuneraryritualsdidyourcultureprovideWhatvalueswereextolledby
yourfamilyDidpeopleinyourlifetypicallydieathomeorinhospitalsDidyougrowupinalargehouseholdorareyouanonlychild
The answers to these questions can and often do significantly influencereactionstolossJust thinkofhowagrievermayexperiencehisorhersorrowdifferentlyifinUruguayorintheUnitedStatesItisthecustominUruguaythatfamilyandclose friends spend thenightwith themourner immediatelyafter adeathtosharethepainandsorrowstayingawakethankstoafewcupsofcoffeeThentogethertheysayfarewelltothedeceasedandputtheremainstorestIntheUnitedStatesamorecommonwayofaccompanyingamourneristoattendawakeaneventthatoccurssometimeafterthedeathinwhichpeopletellfunnystoriesmentiongoodqualitiesoftheonegoneandthencelebratethedeceasedrsquoslifelavishlywithalcoholandfood
Alsoconsideran individual living inasociety that setsasideaspecialdayforrememberingandcelebratingthedeadversusapersonlivinginaculturethatfinds the outward exposure of sorrow socially inappropriate and lacking tasteTheseculturaldifferencesalsoaffecttheopinionsviewsandbeliefsofWesternpsychologists and clinicians who often assume very contradictory views tothoseofthemonksandswamisItrainedwithduringmyinitiationtoyoga
My dual training in the fields of somatic psychotherapy and the timelesswisdom of Yoga has allowed me to experience both worldviews firsthandRegrettablyWestern culture tends to sweepgrief under the rug by ignoring itentirely or compartmentalizing it Only minimal attention to grief is allowedeffectively preventing us from understanding its nature It is skillful to askourselvesquestionssuchasldquoWhatisthefirstgreatlossIremembersufferingWhocouldItalktoHowdidIcopewiththeexperienceHowdidthepeoplearoundme actrdquoThis inquiry encourages self-awareness and understanding ofhow your family and cultural background influence your relationship to yourowngrieftoday
DespitetherichvarietyofanswerstothesequestionsIwouldliketostartbysaying that grief is our natural response to lossmdashany loss Traditionally wethink of grief as being the range of emotional and psychological responsesexperiencedafterthedeathofsomeoneweloveButdeathisnottheonlytypeoflossthatelicitsgriefSomemightfeelgriefoverthelossofaprizedpossessionapetajobadreamortheiryouthInfactIhavewitnessedhumansgrievingthelossofperceivedinvincibilityafterbreakingabonethediscontinuationofaregularlyscheduledTVshoworafavoritebrandofsneakersorhavingreachedtheendofadeliciousnovelThecombinedeffectsofourlossesbigandsmallmajorandminoraccumulateinourbodiesThejudgmentthatsomelossesare
trivial and are therefore unimportant to consider can exacerbate feelings ofconfusion isolation and shame This can interfere with a grieverrsquos ability toaccepttherealityofwhereheorsheisinhisorherpersonalprocess
TwoTypesofLosses
Identifyingprimaryandsecondary losses ishelpful forcompassionateself-reflectionTheinitiallosstheonethatoccursfirstisusuallyreferredtoastheprimary loss Losses that occur as a result of this underlying primary loss areknownassecondarylosses
Primary lossesaremoreeasily identifiedwhile the secondaryonescanbemore subtle and perhaps underacknowledged with regard to their profoundemotional intensity For example a woman whose marriage ends in divorce(primaryloss)whothensufferstheexclusionofeventspreviouslyfoundonhersocial calendar (secondary loss) is dealingwith the exponential effects of thecombined losses Perhaps her ex-husband is still being invited to events orperhapshercoupled friendsareuncomfortablewithhernewsinglestatusThesecondarylossnamedhereisthelossofhersocialnetwork
It is important to acknowledge that while each primary loss occurs onlyonce secondary losses may continue to occur and are therefore experiencedfrequently In the previous example thewoman experienced the divorce onlyoncebutthelossofhersocialnetworkisfelteverytimesheisnotinvitedoutbyldquotheirrdquo friends In addition the burden of assuming roles and responsibilitiesformerlyhandledbyherexmdashsuchaspayingthemortgagebillcheckingtheairinthetiresormanagingthehouseholdinwaysshehasnothadtobeforemdashisaconstant painful reminder of all that has been lost since the divorce Thesecondary loss continually retriggers her grief due to the primary loss of thehusband
In another example losing all of onersquos family heirlooms in a house fire(primary loss) might evoke the experience of severing onersquos ancestral past(secondary loss)Secondary lossesarenrsquotalways recognizedasvalidcausesofgriefbuttheycanbringontremendoussorrowandrepeatedlyreignitethepainthatwasexperiencedfromtheprimaryloss
SymptomsofGrief
Although no two individuals grieve in the same way there is someconsistencyintheemotionalphysicalandmentalsymptomsassociatedwiththegrievingprocessSomeofthemostcommonlyacknowledgedfeelingsthatrelateto grief can be seen in the following table (adapted with permission fromLunche1999)
EMOTIONALSYMPTOMSOFGRIEF
Shocknumbness
Sadness
Emptiness
Feelinghelpless
Feelingoutofcontrol
Anger
Guiltregret
Resentment
Depression
Lonelinesslongingyearning
Fearanxietyinsecurity
Feelingsofbetrayaldisloyalty
Diminishedself-concern
Sorrowfortheonewhodied
Desiretojointhedeceased
Suicidalfeelings
Table1Emotionalsymptomsofgrief
Even though sadness is the feeling most commonly expressed while
grieving a wide range of emotions is often determined by the quality of therelationship we had with whatrsquos been lost as well as by the circumstancessurrounding the lossAs you can see from the Emotional Symptoms ofGrieftable the impact of our grief may present many complex combinations ofemotionsaffectingusdistinctly
OneexampleofthismightbewhenanabusivehusbanddiesmdashthewifecouldfeelmorerelievedthansadWhenafathercommitssuicidethechildrenheleftbehindmaybecopingwiththeirshameandangermorethanwithdepressionInmy personal and professional experience when a relationship that was morepositiveendsfeelingsofdepressionareverylikelytosurfaceWhereasthemoreconflictedarelationshipisthegreaterthelikelihoodisthatangerandguiltwillappear
Myfatherand I finallydevelopedapristine friendshipaftermanyyearsofnot getting along What soothed my heart most after he passed were thenurturing memories of our newly established friendship Because wepainstakingly attended to all our unfinished business I could grieve his losswithoutregretorambivalenceBeingatthatpointinourrelationshipatthetimeof his passing permittedme to connectwith themore profoundly painful andchallenging aspects of my grief process and be present to experience theemotionallyjoyousandpleasantmemoriesbubblingupinsideme
FourTasksofMourningARoadMapfortheGrievingProcess
GriefpresentsuswithtremendousdualityWegrievebothuniquelyaccordingtoourlifersquosvariablesanduniversallyasallhumansdoLeadersinthefieldhavenoted specific elements of grieving suggesting they need to be addressed inordertofulfillanormalprocessSomeofthemnametheseelementsasldquostagesrdquoothersasldquophasesrdquoofgriefBothtermssuggest tomesomethingmorestaleorpassiveinnatureOfall thinkersJWilliamWorden(2009)offers themodelIfind best suited to the yogic ideal of practice In his model he names theseelements ldquotasksrdquo a term that clearly denotes the dynamism the process reallyinvolvesItprovidesanactivewaytomovethroughgriefrsquoscommonemotionalstatesWordenrsquosFourTasksofMourningare
To accept the reality of the lossAccepting the reality of the loss toWorden implies recognizing that ldquoreunion with the departed isimpossible at least in this liferdquo (39) Worden describes a searchingbehavior that is common at this level of grieving whereby a grievingpersonmightldquoseerdquothedeceasedwalkinginacrowdandrecognizeheronly then to be confronted with the reminder of her death Variousdegreesofdenialcouldbeinvolvedinordertoavoidacceptingtherealityoftheloss
To process the pain of grief The second task involves consciouslyworking with the pain of grief Worden states ldquoIt is necessary toacknowledgeandworkthroughthispainoritcanmanifestitselfthroughphysicalsymptomsorsomeformofaberrantbehaviorrdquo(44)Thissecondtask of mourning is of special significance to yoga because of theconnectionwithconsciousworkanddedicatedpractice
To adjust to a world without the deceased Worden identifies threeareasofadjustmentthataretobereckonedwithafterthelossofalovedone External adjustments relate to how coping with loss affects oureveryday life (egwhatdowedowith theworkinghourswhenwersquovejust lost a job) Internal adjustments refer to how death affects self-definitionself-esteemandonersquossenseofself-efficacy(eghowcanaspouse feel like awhole self again after losing his partner) Spiritualadjustmentsimplydealingwiththechallengesofourbeliefsystemsandvaluesasdeathshakesthefoundationofonersquosassumptionsoftheworld(eg the faithful believer questioning the existence of a justGod afterfeelingthathisprayershavenotbeenheard)
To find an enduring connection with the deceased in the midst ofembarking on a new life Worden asserts that it is essential that themourner find newways to continue honoring the deceased while stillremaining focused on creating a new life Freud (1953) describes themental process of mourning as summoning mental images of the lostlovedonedetachingthepreviouslyinvestedloveandreestablishingthefreedomofthemindWordensuggeststhatwedonotentirelyrecycletheemotionalenergypreviouslyinvestedhecitescurrentresearchthatstatesthat maintaining an active awareness of the deceased person providescomfortandstrengthtothebereaved
Although each task is essential to the process of mourning the tasksthemselves are not linear After completing all four we may be prompted torevisitanyoreachofthem
Mostofoureffortsdealingwithgriefaregeared towardavoidingsufferingfromtheunusuallyimmensepainlossinflictsonusItisDrWordenrsquosopinionthat the fulfillment of all Four Tasks of Mourning is essential to promote ahealthy and normal grieving process Otherwise we may fall into what isconsideredacomplicatedgrievingprocess Insomecasesanindividualrsquosgriefreactionisprolongedbecominganalmostchronicconditionthatmayneverbefullyresolved
Examining examples of complicated grief we often see the actualmanifestation of symptoms showing up at amuch later time in response to amorerecentunexpectedlossThisexaggeratedreactioncanmanifestasorturnintoaspecificmentalconditionsuchasclinicaldepressionInothersthegriefappearsdisguisedbysymptomsandbehaviorsthatwhileseeminglyunrelatedtogriefareactuallyexamplesofldquomaskedrdquogrief(Worden2009)Itisimportanttodifferentiate thesemarkersofcomplicatedgrief fromthenaturalway inwhichgriefoccursdownthelinecomingbackunexpectedlyattimesinrelationtolifeeventsandother timesseemingly randomandpresentinguswith feelingsandsymptomsoftheoldgriefThisconceptiswellexpressedintheworkofThereseRando who coined the term STUG Sudden Temporary Upsurge of Grief(1993)
Grief triggers grief Fresh loss naturally triggers memories feelings andsymptoms related to a previous loss Sometimes we are truly shocked at thetremendous intensity of our feelings When others who are close to usexperience loss it can easily trigger our owngrief and cause us to revisit oldlossesevenifwefeelwehavedealtwiththemalreadyPerhapsthisisareasonwhypeoplerecoilfromhearingaboutanotherrsquosgrieforbecomeuncomfortablewhentheywitnesspeopleexhibittheirgriefopenlyCounselorstherapistsandhospiceworkerswhoworkwithgrief regularly see theirowngrief retriggeredandcansufferfromtheeffectsofldquocaregiverrsquosburdenrdquo
Regardless of howour grief originates the key element is that in order togrieve a loss we need to have developed a strong emotional connection withwhat has been lost or what it represents to us We need to have formed anattachment
AttachmentTheTrueRootofGrief
ldquoAttachmentrdquo is generally defined as a feeling that binds someone to aperson thing causeor idealThis is a remarkably similardescription towhatFreudstatedwhendescribingtheobjectofgriefduringmourning(Freud1953)Psychology views attachment as ldquoan evolved behavioral system designed toregulate infantsrsquo proximity to a protector and thereby maximize chances forsurvivalrdquo according to John Bowlby (Diamond 2001 277) Later on studiesconducted byMary Ainsworth concluded that there are three major styles ofattachmentsecureambivalent-insecureandavoidant-insecure(Broberg2000)
Researchers Main and Solomon (1986) added a fourth style known asdisorganized-insecureattachmentTheseearlyattachmentstylescanhelppredictbehaviors later in life especially adult romantic love For example when anindividual is able to gain comfort from his parents as a child (ldquosecureattachmentrdquo)hetendstohavegoodself-esteemasanadultOntheotherhandwhenachilddoesnotgainmuchcomfortorcontactfromhisparents(ldquoavoidantattachmentrdquo) he develops adult behaviors that invest little or no emotion insocialandromanticrelationships
In short our early attachments constitute our first awareness of thosewholove and care for us and influence how we love as adults No matter whatattachment style we develop we are all like these infantsmdashseeking survivalclingingtowhatisfamiliarLikeapacketoffoodcoloringreleasedintoapitcherof water we can see our attachments permeate the substance of our lifeAttachment is at the core of howwe form families and how our larger socialnetwork functions For us in theWest attachment is tantamount to love ldquoIf IloveyouIamattachedtoyoubeinghereforeverrdquoThisassociationissostrongthatactionsindicatingdetachmentareusuallyseenasasignofalackoflove
OurattachmentsinformuswhenwefeelathomewhenwearelonelyandwhenweareindangerEvenatachemicallevelthebondswemakewithhumanbeingsandotherobjectsaffectusWhenthesebondsbreakwecaninvestigatethepsychophysiologicaleffectsandnormalizethemanysomaticaspectsofgriefmanifesting asphysical symptomsNow letrsquosdiscoverwhat theperspectiveofpsychophysiologycanbringtoourunderstandingofgrief
GriefandtheBrainHow does the body express what the heart and mind are going throughCurrently there is not enoughmeasurable scientific data on grief and furtherresearch isstillneededMostof theexisting informationfocusesonvictimsoftraumaAlthoughalltraumainvolvesgriefitisimportanttorememberthatnot
all grief is traumatic Western psychology usually views the body as anafterthoughtproclaimingthatthegrievingprocesshappensmainlyinourmindsMore recent research in the areas of psychology immunology andendocrinologyrevealsdatathatshowshowemotionalprocesseslikegriefaffectmore than just our mental functioning Psychophysiology shows how life-changingeventsinfluencevirtuallyeveryareaofapersonrsquosphysicalandmentalconstitution from thought patterns to emotionalwell-being immune functionandoverallhealth(RosenbaumandVarvin2007Ulvestad2012VandenBerget al 2012) Western science is just now discovering and documentingconnectionsformulatedagesagofromthemeditativeobservationsofpracticingyogisTheevidenceofthemind-bodyconnectionsdiscoveredbythesescientistsistrulyfascinatinganditsimpactintheareaofgriefworkisonlybeginningtobefelt
Two of themain symptoms associatedwith grieving are pain in the chestmuscles and disruptions of the circadian rhythms particularly the sleep cyclePeople experience a variety of symptoms that usually change as the grievingprocess unfolds What should be eminently clear from the following table(adaptedwithpermissionfromLunche1999)isthatgriefaffectsthebody
PHYSICALSYMPTOMSOFGRIEF
Pain
Feelingoftightnessinthechest
Feelingoftightnessinthethroat
Alterations in the breathing patterns (shortness of breath frequentsighing)
Fatigueexhaustionlowenergy
Sleeppatterndisruption(insomniaorexcessivesleep)
Eatingpatterndisruption(overeatingoranorexia)
Alterationofthecardiacrhythms(bradycardiatachycardiaarrhythmia)
Digestivesystemupset
Generalizedtension
Restlessnessirritability
Increasedsensitivitytostimuli
Drymouth
Table2Physicalsymptomsofgrief
Grief is mainly orchestrated by the limbic system Itrsquos a central structure
withinthenervoussystemdeeplyinvolvedinthewayweexperienceemotionsThelimbicsysteminitiallygatherssensoryinformationaboutanexperienceandcomparesthatinformationwithpreviouslystoredknowledgehousingmemoriesof past similar experiences our belief systems and cultural values It thenassigns the experience an emotional tone and integrates a response Then theoutermost sheet of neuronal tissue in the brain the neocortex processes theexperiencefurtherandassignsmeaningtoitonadeeperlevel
Alterationsofthenormalfunctionsofthelimbicsystemresultin
irritability
moodiness
depression
negativethinking
negativeperspective
sleepandappetitedisorders
socialisolation
decreasedorincreasedsexualdriveand
motivation
Manyoftheitemsonthislistofmooddisturbancesandothersymptomsare
classicfeaturesofanormalgrievingprocesssolidifyingthecaseforthelimbicsystemrsquosinvolvementWhentakingalookatothermentalandsocialsymptomsofgrief thisconnectionwith thefunctionsof the limbicsystembecomesevenclearer
MentalSymptomsofGrief
Negativeanticipatorythinking
Disbelief
Confusion
Disorientation
Absentmindedness
Forgetfulness
Poorconcentration
Distraction
Difficultyfocusingandattending
Lowmotivation
Expectingtoseethedeceased
Expectingthedeceasedtocall
Preoccupationwiththedeceased
Feelingtheneedtotellandretellthestorysurroundingtheloss
Dreamsorimagesofthedeceased
Denial
Thinkingaboutotherdeathsandlosses
SocialSymptomsofGrief
Beingisolatedbyothers
Withdrawingfromsocialactivities
Diminisheddesireforsocialactivities
Copingwithlabelslikeldquowidowedrdquoldquosinglerdquoetc
Hidinggriefbytakingcareofothers
Losingfriendsmakingnewfriends
Table3Mentalandsocialsymptomsofgrief(adaptedwithpermissionfromLunche1999)
AccordingtoDrJamesGardnerldquoGriefbeginsinthebrainrdquoandaffectsthe
brainldquofromthehighestcorticalcentersandtemporal lobestothedeepermoreprimitive structures in the limbic systemrdquo For our neurotransmitters thebuilding blocks of the brain that are essential for intercellular communicationgrief ldquoaffects the way we process some of these chemicalsrdquo including theneuropeptides(20026)
On a biochemical level we react as though our entire existence is beingthreatenedAccordingtoGardnerldquoAstheserotoninsystemisweakenedbytheemotionalstressoflosstheanxietyresponseistriggeredrdquo(20026)Hegoesontosaythatthebodyrsquosfight-or-flightreactionincludesthereleaseofadrenalineThereleaseofhormonesincreasesheartrateandbloodpressurestressfulsignalsactivate the endocrine glands and affect the heart stomach various musclegroupsand thebloodvessels themselvesOthersymptoms include thecoolingof the extremities pupil dilation tremors sweating and nausea due tohyperventilationTakingitscuesfromthebrainthebodyreactstothefullforceofthelossasamenacingdangeradirectthreattooursurvival
NeuroplasticityandItsImplicationsforGrief
Even though grief is seemingly an omnipresent challenge influencing ourbrain chemistry we might consider the following news to be positive
Neuroplasticityreferstothebrainrsquosabilitytochangeitsstructureandfunctioninresponse to experience training and practice In the twentieth century ourbrainswere thought todevelopwithinacriticalperiodduringearlychildhoodand to then remain relatively immutable This thinking meant that once wepassedthecriticalperiodofdevelopmentwewerebasicallystuckinthosewaysforeverhardwiredfixedinformandfunctionThisbeliefloweredexpectationsaboutthevalueofrehabilitationforthosewhohadsufferedbraininjuryfromastrokeforexample
Becausepsychiatricconditionsare related tospecificneuronalpathways inthebrainthisalsomeantthatoncedevelopedamentalillnesswouldbealmostimpossibletotreatsuccessfully(Begley2007)SharonBegleyajournalistwhoreportsoncurrenttrendsonhealthandsciencewroteinTimemagazineldquoTherewasgood reason for lavishly illustratedbrainbooks to show the function sizeand location of the brainrsquos structures in permanent inkrdquo This prevailing viewalso reinforced limited mental perceptions It was simply a brain-determinedrealitythatafterlosingonersquoshouseonemightneverfeeltrulyathomeagainorafterlosingaspouseonecouldneverfindloveagain
These beliefs have been challenged by findings that reveal that manyfunctions of the brain remain plastic even into adulthood Substantial changeshave been documented showing that an individual can consciously andprofoundly alter the way his or her neurons are activated in response toexperience These alterations affect both the brainrsquos physical anatomy andfunctionalorganizationsignifyingthatthebraincananddoeschange
ldquoNeuronsThatFireTogetherWireTogetherrdquo
This is a common saying in the field of neuroscience New connectionsbetweennervouscellsareformedasweengageindifferentactivitiesThesenewneuronalpathwaysarestrengthenedwhenwerepeatthoseactivitieswiringthenervouscellstogetherThemorewerepeattheseactivitiesthemorepermanenttheconnectionsbecome
Even though these findings relate to how the brain compensates for injuryanddiseasethismechanismappliestobrainactivityingeneralNeuroplasticitymakespersonalgrowthanddevelopmentpossiblebyallowingthenervecellsinthebrain toadjust theiractivities in response tonewsituationsandchanges intheir environment Although this process is automatic and happensindependentlyoutsidetherealmofconsciousintentionwecaninfactenhance
thesought-afterresultsbyincreasingconsciouspracticeThemorepracticethemoreingrainedorimprintedthenewconnectionsbecome
ResearchconductedonmusiciansbyneuroscientistAlvaroPascual-LeoneaprofessorofneurologyatHarvardUniversityindicatesthatwhiletheprocessistriggered by actual practicemere thought can also alter the physical structureandfunctionofourgraymatter(2001)Hefoundthattheincreasedbrainsurfaceactivated in subjects after practicing an instrument was equal to those wholdquothoughtrdquo of the scales to be practiced This revelation is important whenunderstandinggriefbecauseitvalidatestheuseoftechniquessuchasSankalpaor Resolve which uses repetition of statements that reflect a desired state ofbeingtoinducethebraintoremapitselftowardsuchareality
TheBrainrsquosInsatiableQuestforHappiness
A special area of interest for those performing current research inneurosciencehasbeenstudyingthebrainsofBuddhistmonksduringmeditationtoobservewhetherthereisanymeasurablechangeinbrainactivitywiththeuseof contemplativepractices Inorder tounderstandhowourbrains conduct ourinsatiablequestforhappinesssomethingthemonksarebelievedtoexperiencethanks to meditation Richard Davidson a neuroscientist at the University ofWisconsinatMadisonconductedstudiestofindoutifwecanthinkofemotionsmoods and states suchascompassionasmental skills that could somehowbeingrainedinapersonthroughtrainingWhencomparingtheactivityinthebrainsofthegroupofmonksversusthoseofacontrolgroupwhodidnotmeditatethemoststrikingdifferencewasinanareaintheleftprefrontalcortexbelievedtobethesiteofactivitythatsignalshappiness(Davidson2012)Whilethemonkswere generating feelings of compassion activity in the left prefrontal cortexswamped activity in the right prefrontal cortex to a degree never before seenfrom purely mental activity (The right prefrontal cortex is associated withnegative moods) On the other hand the individuals belonging to the controlgroup showed no such differences between the left prefrontal cortex and therightAccordingtoDavidson thissuggests that thepositivestateisaskill thatcanbelearned
PracticeReshapesYourBrain
Thenewunderstandingofneuroplasticityrelatedtothepowerofthemindrsquosability to change our brains promises something fundamental for theunderstanding of grief By employing intentional and conscious physical andmental practice we can change our relationship to ourselves during ouremotionallyfluctuatinggrievingprocessEachactionweperformeachthoughtwe think each word we speak then becomes an arrow shot into the field ofmanifestationanopportunityforanewconnectioninthebraintomodifytheoldandemphasizetheestablishmentofanewidentity
While the focus of this book is not brain biology or neurochemistry it isimportant tounderstand justhowstronga forcegrief isRegardingourmentaland emotional landscape we now comprehend that our emotional life isinformedbythethoughtswethinkbyhowthebrainitselfreactstoexperiencesinstructingourbodies tobehaveYounow seehowmanyof the symptomsofgrief directly relate to how our brains reactwhen facing loss Recall how theattachmentstopeoplefromtheearlieststagesofourlifeformulateourpsychicbasis for the adult emotions of love and compassion Loss is a real materialexperience affecting us at every layer of our existence The following table(adapted with permission from Lunche 1999) indicates profound changes inbehaviorswhenwearegrievingAswedeepenourunderstandingofhowourbrains serve as the basis for many of these symptoms we can normalizeprofoundchangesthatarepowerfullyalteringrealityasweknewit
BehavioralSymptomsofGrief
Crying(sometimesunexpectedly)
Searchingforthedeceased
Carryingspecialobjects
Goingtothegravesite
Makingandkeepinganaltar
Keepingbelongingsintact
Lookingatphotosorvideosofthedeceased
Listeningtoaudiorecordingsofthedeceased
Talkingtothedeceased
Avoidingsituationsthatarousegrief
Changesindailyroutine
ldquoStayingbusyrdquo
Assumingmannerismsofthedeceased
Table4Behavioralsymptomsofgrief
By getting a sense of how intensely all systems are involved in the
bereavement process it becomes more evident that engaging certain yogaexercisesintendedtounitemindandbodyareeffectiveinbringingbackasenseof cohesion and personal control in times of grief Through breath workphysical movements and specific techniques designed to for example helpresetthefunctioningoftheendocrinesystemwecantakethisinformationaboutgriefandputittogooduseWecanapplytoolstointegrateconsciousresponsesthat help our brains reshape themselves in an active and insightfulwayYogahelpsustobemorepresentforourfeelingsofgriefanditisperhapsthemostcompletebodyofpracticalknowledgeyoucanseekout
Wewill now look at what this ancient discipline expresses as to whywegrieveandhowgriefrelatestoitsprecursorattachment
Chapter2
YogaandGrief
Yogarsquos quest to resolve human suffering is probably as old as the disciplineitself Since yogarsquos entrance into mainstream Western culture it has beentailored to meet the needs of a variety of practitioners Western styles andmodulations of yoga have complemented the ancient original schools orbranchesOne of the results of this diversification has been the emergence ofyoga therapy This system is perfectly designed for the application of yogarsquosteachings philosophy and unique methods for addressing and transformingpersonal imbalances manifesting as diseases or disorders Even though otherdisciplinessuchasyogachikitsaandAyurvedadealwiththetherapeuticprocessyoga therapy isactuallymorehelpful inaddressing thegrievingprocess in thebodymindandspirit
I have come to understand grief as one of the most prevailing andunacknowledged feelings in the human heart through my personal andprofessional experiences As a yogi I recognize the need for a more Spirit-centeredapproachtodealingwithgriefWitnessingtheeffectsonmystudentsalongwithmypersonalexperienceofpracticingyogaformanyyearshasgivenmeadeepunderstandingofyogarsquoseffectivenessintreatinggrief
Initially yoga helps us to manage some of the physical and emotionalsymptomsofgriefAsonersquospracticedeepensyogaoffersprofoundinsightsintothe difference between the suffering intrinsic to grief and that of attachmentwhich I call the precondition for grief Letrsquos examine some philosophicalunderpinningsofyogaandhowtheycandemystifyourrelationshiptogrief
TheFiveSpokesontheWheelofSufferingThefirstextantwrittenworkonyogathatpresentsacomprehensivephilosophyonthenatureofsufferingandhowtoalleviateitisTheYogaSutrasofPatanjali(Bryant2009)InthistextattachmentmdashthepreconditionforgriefmdashisnamedasoneofthefiverootcausesofsufferingthatinevitablyleadtopainandconfusionTogethertheyare
ignoranceofthetruth
egoism
attachment
aversionand
fearofdeath
IgnoranceofthetruthreferstoignoringtheessentialrulesthattheuniverseabidesbyAnexampleof this is to expect a flower tobeborn fullybloomedthen develop backward decreasing in size until it becomes a seed Thismisapprehension can be seen as a metaphor of life in general all livingorganismshaveadefinitebeginningandaperiodofdevelopmentandthenmeettheir end Therefore anyone contesting the flowerrsquos organic nature promotespersonalsuffering
Egoismreferstofalseidentificationwiththemindandbodyexclusivelyandignoring the Spirit The nature of both body andmind is one of craving Thebody craves heat food touch and rest the mind craves acknowledgmentidentificationandseekschangeOnceanyofourneedsbecomesatisfied thenimmediatelythenextonekicksinTheSpiritconverselyneedsnothingbecauseitcontainseverythingandisthesourceofeverythingByincludingourSpiritinour identificationwegaincontactwithanaspectofourselves that issatisfiedtrulyandcompletely(Satyananda1976)
Attachment refers to our dependency on the permanence of a personrsquospresence or an objectrsquos continued availability to produce and sustain ourhappinessAttachmentcomesfromthepositiveexperienceswehaveinlifeandthememoriesweforminassociationwiththemSinceallthingsarebytheirtruenatureabsolutely impermanentoursuffering isensuredwhen thingsdisappearordieOf the fivecausesof suffering attachmenthas aparticularly importantroleingriefandisthereforediscussedfurtherinthefollowingsection
Aversion is the opposite of attachment and is derived from negativeexperiencesinlifeItrefers tothingswedonrsquot likepromptingustoturnawayfrom them Because the likelihood of all things happening is evenly spreadacross the spectrumof reality thingswedonrsquot likewill inevitablyoccurmdashandwesufferyetagain
Fearof death refers to a feeling human beings experience as part of theiremotional makeup Because death is inevitable fearing it is a sure ticket tosufferingRegardlessofhoworwhenweinstinctivelyknowwhatwefearwill
arriveatsomepointThesefivecausesofsufferingbecomelikeawheelinahamstercageLike
naivehamsterswehurlthewheelintoperpetualmotionrunningtowardnoendIfwechoosetoignoretheessentialtruthwebecomeidentifiedwithourbodiesandmindsonlyThisleadsustogenerateattachmentsandaversionstheultimatebeingaversion toourowndeath ignoring the truth thatwe toowill inevitablydie
In Four Chapters on Freedom Swami Satyanandarsquos commentary on TheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliwearetoldthatourldquodesireforliferdquoisldquosustainedbyitsownforcerdquo(1976154)Itisbecauseofanattachmenttoourphysicalbodytheswami says that we cling to life and fear natural processes like disease anddeath Since grief appears as a result of losing those things or personswe areattachedtoTheYogaSutrascanexplaintheintimaterelationshipbetweengriefand suffering I am not suggesting that if we could somehow eliminateattachment our liveswould be problem-free and all sufferingwould end ThefourothercausesareequallypotentandimportantCouldsimplyenvisioningtheeliminationofsufferingbringsomeeasetoourmindsByjustbeingconsciousof the five causes of sufferingwe combat the initial barrier of ignorance thatpreventsusfromknowingourtrueselves
AttachmentItsSpecialRoleforGrievers
ThenegativeimplicationsofattachmentarequitedifficultforushumanstocomprehendWhyisdealingwithattachmentsodifficultWeformattachmentsto perpetuate the comfort and safety we are accustomed to receive from thethings andpersonswe attach toYetwe can never know just how long thosethingsorpersonswillremainFormingattachmentsseemstobeinherentinthehumancondition
Yoga addresses this uncertainty and invokes the universal truth that ldquoAllthings come to an endrdquo This calms the mindrsquos craving for knowledge andprovidesananswertotheyearningquestionmanygrieversaskthemselvesafteralossWhy
When we form attachments we are relying on the permanence of thingsWhenthosethingsvanishtheresultforusisapredictableonewesufferIntheepic Indian tale of the Bhagavad Gita prince Arjuna turns to his charioteerKrishnaforcounselonthebattlefieldWhileseeminglyjustadvisingthewarrioronmilitarystrategyLordKrishnaactuallyimpartsdeepspiritualwisdomtothe
unknowingseekerHeidentifiesattachmentasthebeginningofachainreactionofturbulentemotions
ldquoWhilecontemplatingtheobjectsofthesensesapersondevelops
attachmentforthemandfromsuchattachmentlustdevelopsandfromangerlustarisesrdquo
mdashVerse62(1972122)
ldquoFromangercompletedelusionarisesandfromdelusionbewildermentofmemoryWhenmemoryisbewilderedintelligenceislostandwhenintelligence
islostonefallsdownagainintothematerialpoolrdquo
mdashVerse63(1972123)
This explanation of how attachment manifests in human beings is anillumination from a realized master such as Krishna to the aspiring yogi(Bhaktivedanta 1972) This sage wisdom applies to every one of us who islearningandaspiringhereonEarthFormotherswhoseheightenedattachmentwith their infants is directly connected to the continued survival of theiroffspringenvisioningalifeofnonattachmentseemsnearlyimpossibleFormostofhumanitythatisalsotrueYetyogaoffersuspureknowledgethatappliestolifewithintheframeworkofwhatisfeasibleforeachoneofusYogadoesnotjustrelyonphilosophyhowevertoexplainwhywegrieveitpinpointsgriefinanahatachakraaspecificplaceinthebody
ExploringtheChakrasandHowTheyRelatetoGrief
TheSanskritwordchakra translates toldquowheelrdquo inEnglishThisevokesanimage of swirling energy the stirring of emotional and psychic contents Thesevenchakrasconfigureapathwaymovingfromprimalemotionsandsensations(fearangerdisgust)toloveandcompassionandspiritualconnection
According to yoga philosophy human beings are in a state of continuousevolutionThisevolutionissymbolizedbythespiralingmovementofkundalinian invisible energy that when awakened flows upward from the base of the
spine to the topof thehead (Satyananda1985)During its course this energymakes contact with several psychic centers (chakras) each of which signifiesdifferentstagesinourjourneytowardcompleteselfhoodJohnSelbystatesthateachchakracorrespondstoamajorendocrineglandamainautonomicnerveorgroupofnervesandthefunctionstheyregulatewithinthebodyandaspecificmanifestationoraspectofhumanconsciousness(1992)
The chakra system is a brilliant map for understanding the connectionbetweenmindbodyandspirit Itoffersadiagnostic toolaswell asa fieldofoperation for understanding and managing some of the difficult emotionsinvolved in griefGetting in touchwith these emotions unveils aspects of thepotential life lessons hidden in the symptoms we are experiencingWe beginmakingconnectionsbetweenthesensationswefeel inourbodiesandhowourthinkingisaffectedbysuchsensationsWitnessinghowthethreeessentialpartsofourselvesmdashthementalthephysicalandthespiritualmdashinteractweareabletoseethateachthoughtandemotionhasacorrelatewithinourphysicalbodyThisrecognitionfacilitatesourjourneyofintegrationandevolutionofconsciousness
ROOTCHAKRATHESURVIVOR
Thefirstchakra(mooladhara)islocatedatthepelvicfloorandcorrespondswiththecoccygealplexusofnervesInmenitliesintheperineumbetweentheurinary and excretory openings In women it is situated inside the posteriorsurfaceofthecervix
This chakra relates to our feelings and perceptions and the bodily
mechanisms associatedwith our survival and explains the fear some grievershavewithregardtotheirabilitytocontinuesimplygoingonlivingafteralossIn fact even when we are actually safe and secure there can be underlyingthoughtsandemotionsthatturnonthefight-or-flightresponsewhichproducesan increased heart rate and sweaty palms Because this is a basic ldquosurvivalmoderdquo reaction typicalofhumanbeings it canbe interpretedasa first chakraemanation symbolizing our primary instinct for survival our clinging toexistencewhilefearingnaturalprocesseslikedeath
We recognize how attachment to pleasure-giving sensory objects andaversiontowardexternalsourcesofdispleasurebecomehardwiredWhenfacedwith grief we can understand how oftentimes the griever wishes to join thedeceasedasifhisorherverysurvivalwerelinkedtothecontinuityofthebondBecausegriefcanseduceustomistakenlyidentifythelossofalovedoneasathreattoourexistencetheresultcanbeanaturalinclinationtomergewiththedeceased
Becauseofitsconnectionwiththematerialworldwealsoseeinthischakrathe difficulty grievers typically experience in performing the usual tasks thatensurephysicallifeThefatiguethatmanypeoplefeelduringgriefisalsotypicalofanimbalancein thiscenterThischakra isapotentsourceofallourearthlydesiresandthefeargreedandpossessivenesswemightfeelwhengrievingareassociated with it An example could be wishing to hold on to a deceasedrsquostreasuredobjectsorpossessions
Additionallybecause the firstchakra isassociatedwith thesenseofsmellthe common occurrence of grievers being reminded suddenly of the deceasedbased on encountering a smell associated with that person can be seen asemanatingfromthischakra
SACRALCHAKRATHEBIRTHPLACEOFDESIRE
Thesecondchakra(swadhisthana)isfoundatthebaseofthespineItrelatestothesacralplexusofnervesandsymbolizestheunconsciousItisalsorelatedto our overall emotional awareness and ability to experience our feelingsStronglyconnectedtothesexualorgansandtheirproductsdesiresandcravingstakeondefiniteformanddirectioninthischakraThischakraisalsoassociatedwithmovementespeciallyemotionaltypesofmovementIntermsofgrieftheinvolvementofthischakracanmanifestasalackofsexualdesireorconverselyastrengtheningofsexualappetiteThedifficultysomeexperience inaccessingintimacy or being social with others is a typical characteristic of a disturbed
secondchakraTheassociatedsensewiththischakraistasteSometimesthereisa certain taste some grievers notice along with other more typical symptomssuchasdrymouthanddisruptionsofnormaleatinghabits
NAVALCHAKRAWILLPOWERMADEMANIFEST
Thethirdchakra(manipura)sitsalongthespinalcolumndirectlybehindthenavelItcorrespondstothesolarplexusandphysiologicallyrelatestodigestionassimilationand temperature regulation in thebodyThischakrarepresentsanimportant step in the evolution of consciousness because it connects ourwillpowerwithourdesirespromotingmanifestationonthephysicalplaneThedifficulty inmaking decisions felt bymany grievers is an involvement of thethirdchakraWebecomeconfusedas towhat courseof action isbestbecauseourwillpowerissoprofoundlycompromisedWesometimesresorttotakingnoactionatall lacking themotivationneeded toconfront thefearof thechangeswearefacing
Some individuals throw themselves into work Others place a heightenedemphasis on an exuberant social life after loss to keep away from the painfullack of familiarity with the new unchartered reality The literal translation ofmanipura isldquocityof jewelsrdquoandit refers to thepreciousgemsofactionlyingdormant in this centerwaiting tobeunearthedby thepowerofour consciousintention The associated sense for this chakra is sight and I believe it canexplaincommonexperiencessomebereavedhaveofnotseeingthingsthatareinplainsightmdashforexamplesearchingfranticallyforhousekeysonlytofindthemintheappropriateplace justafewminutes laterornotseeingtheexitsignonthefreewayeventhoughitisthesameexitagrieverhastakenforthepastfiveyearswhen returninghomeEvenldquoseeingrdquo thedeceasedwithin themidst of acrowdonabusystreetcouldberelatedtothethirdchakra
HEARTCHAKRATHEREFUGEOFLOVE
Thefourthchakra(anahata)liesinthevertebralcolumnbehindthebaseoftheheart at the levelof thedepression in the sternum It relates to thecardiacplexusofnerveswhichinfluencesthefunctioningoftheheartandlungsThesearetwokeyareasthatareoftenaffectedbygriefmanifestingasdisruptionsofbothcardiacandbreathingrhythmsTheheartchakracorrespondstothethymusglandwhich relates to immunefunctionDuringbereavement it iscommon toexperienceanexacerbationofpreexistinghealthconditionsoranincreasedriskforsicknessduetoimmunesystemdepressionThischakraisthequintessentialblendingofmatterandSpirittheevolutionaryoasisonourpathtowardspiritual
fulfillmentItiswhereemotionalbondingandattachmentaredevelopedAstheseatofhumanloveitalsorelatestothepowerofloveasahealingforce
ThesenseassociatedwithanahataistouchIngriefthissenseisimportantbecause through touchwe fully experience theabsenceof thatwhichwehavelost Just think of the needmany individuals feel for touch after spousal lossImaginehowliberatingahugcanfeeltofacilitatethepowerfulreleaseofpent-upemotion
THROATCHAKRATHEPOWEROFSOUND
Thefifthchakra(vishuddhi)liesatthelevelofthethroatpitinthevertebralcolumnThischakracorrespondstothecervicalplexusofnervesandrelatestothethyroidglandandalsocertainsystemsofarticulationtheupperpalateandtheepiglottisThe thyroidrsquos involvement iskey ingrief thedisturbanceof theproductionof adrenaline canbe the sourceof feelingsofdepletion aswell asweight gain or loss that cannot be directly attributable to changes in eatinghabitsThiscentercanalsobethesourceforsomeofthehormonalimbalancesandmoodswingsexperiencedwhengrieving
Vishuddhi chakra is known as the purification centerwhere the powers ofcommunicationlieItdealssymbolicallywithsoundandvibrationOftenthosegrieving have difficulty talking about their grief or articulating their feelingsaboutalossTheoverwhelmingneedforsomegrievingindividualstohavetheirstories heard is another indication of this chakrarsquos involvement Because theassociatedsensewiththischakraishearingwecanunderstandtheimportanceofvoicingpainfulaswellasjoyfulmemoriesinthemidstoflossFifth-chakradisturbancescanalsoresultinsorethroatsandpainintheneckandshouldersmdashareasverycommonlyaffectedbygriefThesensationoffeelingchokedcanbeassociatedwiththischakraaswell
THIRD-EYECHAKRAWISDOMFOUNDWITHIN
The sixth chakra (ajna) lies in themidline of the brain directly above thespinal columnandcorrespondswith thepinealglandThischakracontrols themuscles and theonset of sexual activity inhumans It has control over all thefunctionsofthebodyItisthechakraofpuremindrepresentingahigherlevelofawarenessItisusuallycalledtheldquothirdeyerdquoanditissaidthatwhereasthetwophysicaleyes lookoutward the thirdeye looks inward In thatsense it revealsthe intuitive knowledge independent from the information supplied by thesenses
Ajnaisthewitnessingcenterwhereonebecomesthedetachedobserverofallevents including those within the body and the mind Sleep disorders are atypicalinvolvementofthischakrabecauseofitsrelationshiptothepinealglandand its main biochemical product melatonin Because of its connection withinner vision we might experience broader issues related to our perceptionfinding difficulty in seeing the road ahead Other common symptoms includecoordinationproblemssuchasaccidentallybumpingintothefurniture
On a positive note this chakra serves as a reminder that it is by lookingwithin that we find the source of all the feelings and thoughts that come upduringtheupheavalcreatedbylossBywitnessingtheendlessfluctuationsandchangeswithinourownmindswecanapproachstillnessInessencewhileourmindsstruggletounderstandourlossesourSpiritsknowandarereadytoacceptthem as a part of the normal cycle of life and existence The source of theknowledge thatwecanapply toprocessgriefcomesfromourconnectionwiththe intuitivewisdom the Spirit has rather than the acquired knowledge of thedualisticmindItisbecauseofthisdualisticaspectofthemindwhichisunableto recognize the night if it does not know the day that we cling to thepermanence of things attempting to ensure the continuance of the treasuredconnectionsThemindstrugglestounderstandthateventhoughalovedonemaybeabsentheorsheisstillpresentandinterwoveninthefabricofouridentity
CROWNCHAKRAWITNESSTOAGREATERREALITY
The seventh chakra (sahasrara) is the culmination of the kundalinirsquosenergeticpathwayseenastheseatofhigherawarenessItissituatedatthetopof the head and is physically correlated to the pituitary gland called theldquocommandcenterrdquowhichregulatestheentireendocrinesystemOnasymboliclevel it is in thischakrawhere thedualmindis transcendedandweenter intoperfectconsciousharmonywiththeonenessoftheuniverseWhenthischakraisout of balance during bereavement it results in depression alienation andconfusionThischakraalsorelatestothechallengesthatgriefimposesononersquosownspiritualbeliefs
BodyArmorADifferentTakeontheChakras
Thechakrasystemidentifiesspecificlocationsinthebodyandrelatesthemwith different types of emotions Wilhelm Reich the famous Austrianpsychoanalystcameupwithasimilarnotionwhenhedescribedhisconceptof
ldquobodyarmorrdquoheanalyzedhowmentalconflictsareexpressedinthebodyoftenthroughmuscularornervoustensionandhowthismechanismcouldbeintendedto protect the consciousness from accessing psychic content associated withtheseareas(1949)
EssentiallyReichrsquosviewis thatweshieldourselveswith thestiffarmorofmuscular tensionandassociatedbody language toavoidexperiencingnegativefeelingsThefieldsofpsychosomaticmedicineandsomaticpsychotherapyhavefurtherdeepenedthestudyof thesemechanismsandfoundrevealingcorrelatesbetweendiseaseprocessesandwhatanindividualisgoingthroughinhisorheremotional and psychic life For example when an individual is dealing withboundaryissuesheorshemightdevelopaskinconditionWhensomeonefindsit intolerable toexamineonersquos realityeyeproblemsmightdevelopOfcoursenothing is quite as simple as the examplesgivenyet the relationshipbetweenourmindsandourbodiesisundeniable
Whenconsideringthewidevarietyofsymptomsfoundingrief itbecomesevidentthatgriefaffectsthewholebeingUnderstandingthesignificanceofthechakrasinourphysicalbodiesandhowtheyrelatetoouroverallexperienceiskeyinourthinkingaboutgriefwhenpracticingBylearningthedifferentrolesthat the chakras play in our bodies and how they affect us emotionally theeffects of our yoga practice are deepened Exploring our knowledge of thechakrasystemleadstoanefficientandhelpfulwaytounderstandthemind-bodyconnectionanditsrelationshiptothevaryingsymptomsofgrief
TheHeartChakraAStartingPointforGrief
Although all chakras are involved during the grieving process the heartchakraistheprimaryonewhentalkingaboutgriefBecauseemotionalbondingdevelopsthereanahata isanessentialchakratoaddresswhenbuildingayogapracticeforaddressingthesymptomsandconsideringthenatureofthegrievingprocess It is thebridgebetween the lowerchakrasand thehigherones In thewords of John Selby ldquo[B]elow the heart chakra lies the world of matter ofsurvivalandprocreationofmanipulationandmasteryoverthephysicalrealmsof life Above lies the world of Spirit of pure thought and intuition ofinterpersonalcommunicationandultimatelyuniversalunityandtranscendenceTheheartchakrainitsmostbasicsenseisthemarriageofmatterandspiritofconcrete and abstract of knowledge andwisdomof earth andheavenrdquo (1992147) It represents a specifically human kind of evolution the growth of
humanityoutofdepthsoflowerordersandemotionsAs theseatof love thischakra iswhereour truechallenge lieswhen loss
occurswemustgothroughthedifficulttransitionfromldquolovinginpresencerdquotoldquolovinginabsencerdquoWecanskillfullyaskourselvesaboutthelosswearefacingIsourgriefaconsequenceofpureloveorpureattachmentItmaybeinterestingto notice the overlapping of these closely related emotions but according toyogathereisindeedadifferenceAsitissaidinyogaldquoLoveiswhatrsquosleftafteryoursquove let go of everything you loverdquo In this sense attachment can be seenpracticallyastheoppositeofloveaconceptthatmanifestsinsuchphrasesasldquoIfyoulovesomethingletitgordquo
YogarsquosquestforunconditionallovealsopertainstotheideathatlovingwiththeconditionofpresenceisnotrealloveldquoIloveyouaslongasyouarearoundrdquoisaratherlimitingconceptonethatdoesnothonortheexpansivenessofloveItis yet another example of the dualistic mind that validates reality based onphysicalpresenceWhatwecannotseewhatwecannottouchwetendtotreatas nonexistent To accept that love continues despite the absence of ourattachmentwemust transcenddualistic thinkingandembrace the inevitabilityofchange
Practicing yoga helps us to better understand this duality of love andattachment By developing a deeper awareness of and working on our heartchakraandthephysicalsensationsandfunctionsassociatedwithitanindividualcan experience enlightening expansion resulting in profound healingWe gainthe ability to synthesize our physical mental and spiritual awareness into apractice that acknowledges both the relocation of the deceased and onersquos owncontinuedpresenceon thisplaneofexistenceWhatbetterwaytohonora lostlovedone
GriefrsquosChallengetoSpiritualityldquoNot yet settled in a permanent home the soul takes temporary shelter in abodyrdquo says Kural 340 (Subramuniyaswami 1999 136) Ultimately thedifferencebetween traditionalpsychotherapyrsquos treatmentof thegrieverand theyogicviewisthespecialattentionyogagivestotheSpiritThesolutionforallcausesofsufferingofferedinTheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliistoreducethemtotheir source and deal with the resistance of the mind through meditation(Satyananda1976)Someofthespiritualsymptomsassociatedwithgriefcanbeseeninthefollowingtable
SPIRITUALSYMPTOMSOFGRIEF
FeelingangryatGod
AskingquestionsaboutGodlikeWhywouldGodallowthis
Asking questions about death and the deceased such asWhere is shenow Is he okay Can she see meWill I see him againWhat willhappenwhenIdie
Sensingthedeceasedrsquospresence
Hearingsmellingorseeingthedeceased
Havingdeathaffirmorchallengebeliefs
Experiencingawewondermystery
Reflectingonpersonalfinitude
Feelingtheneedtocontinuearelationshipwiththedeceased
Table5Spiritualsymptomsofgrief
ForsomegrieverslosscausesasplitfromspiritualityDoubtssurfaceabout
how life can continue in any meaningful way after someone dies Godrsquosgoodness is questionedwhen a child is killed People often feel anger towardGodwhenthelosstheyaregoingthroughseemssenselessorunfairForothersa similar loss can actually be a creative spark to onersquos individual spiritualjourney igniting a flame that yearns to connect with their untapped SpiritInquirymightresultinfindingnewanswersorindiscardingtheoldones
Especially in the case of death the losseswewitness force us to face ourownmortalityWeanalyzeandquestion thenatureof therelationshipwehavewith our own Spirit Impermanence as we know it forces us to question ourbeliefstoinquireaboutthemeaningoflifeandtowonderabouttheunknownYogadrawsinspirationfromthistypeofself-inquiryIfinfactasyogateachesuswe have everythingwe need for a good life then goingwithin seems therightdirectiontotakeSearchingfortheSpiritwithinthenbecomesarefugeavalidplaceforunderstandingandcreatingmeaningoutofloss
LoveBeyondAttachmentGrief and suffering are intrinsically intertwinedTherefore yoga as a spiritualdisciplineisanaturalfitasausefulsystemtoaddressgriefGriefrsquosrelationshiptoattachmentdepicts thenormalreaction tooneof thefiveessentialcausesofsufferingasstatedbythesagePatanjaliestablishinghowloveisdifferentfromalmostopposite to attachmentPlacedemotionallyandphysically inourheartchakra love is the positive expression of the chakra and attachment is thenegativeone
IntheWesternviewattachmentequalsloveandisalmostapreconditionforsurvivalBased on this leaders in the field of griefwork find that one of thegoalsofgriefcounselingand therapy is todevelopnewhealthierattachmentsAccordingtotheteachingsofyogathiscourseofactionleadstomoresufferingand actually undermines the transformative potential of our own grievingprocessByaccepting theultimate truths that theuniverse isbasedonandbyrelyingontheimpermanenceofourobjectsofattachmentwecandeveloptrueand enduring love that transcends the limitations of the physical placing lovebeyondattachmentOnly thendoweget in touchwithour trueessencemdashonlythenratherthanendingourjourneybeginshellip
ldquoThesoulrsquosattachmenttothebodyislikethatofafledglingwhichforsakes
itsemptyshellandfliesawayrdquo
mdashKural338(Subramuniyaswami1999136)
Any valid practical model destined to help those who are grieving mustinclude the spiritual challenges that grief presents It must also deal with thewaysinwhichthebodyexpressesgriefandthemindacknowledgestheresultingsuffering
The following chapter demonstrates my contribution to assist grievingindividualswith the complexities that grief entailsOutof necessitywebeginthe journeyofpracticebymeetinganydifficultieswith the forcesofwillTheresults of the practice itself and the wisdom one receives from thistransformativeendeavorwillbothamazeandinspireyou
Chapter3
HowtheYogaforGriefReliefPracticeWorks
Regardless of which worldviewmdashWestern or Easternmdashsuits you best it isimportant to remember that you must meet yourself where you are In thischapter I offer insights related to the purposeof each categoryof exercises inrelation to grief so that you can better understand how to address your needsBeforethatbeginsletrsquostakealookatanimportantprinciplethatappliestoyogaingeneralThetoolisneverasimportantastheonewhoiswieldingit
A piece of information an exercise or a technique is only useful if theoperatoriscautiousrespectfulcapableandconsciousWhetheryoupreferthepsychology-based approach of the Western model or the more spiritualunderstandingofEasternphilosophywhatrsquosmost important is toidentifywhatyouwanttodowithyourgriefbypracticingyogaThetoolsthatyouareabouttoreceivewillhelpaidyouinyourpursuit
Hereisametaphorthatmayhelpyoutounderstandthepowerofawarenesslocatedwithin yourself as you begin the practiceThe blacksmith can alwaysforge himself a new hammer but the hammer cannot make itself a newblacksmith In other words you will see that the process of reidentificationsproutsfromthesorrowfulseedsthatlieamidyourowngrief
As you start tomove through the pain of loss ask yourself how youwillapproachandengage in theyogapracticeWhatwouldyou like toaccomplishwith it As you incorporate various techniques to help cope with differentsymptoms encountered in your grief you will notice changes in your bodymind and emotionsYour experience each timeyoupracticemaybeuniquelydistinctchangingdependingonthedayyourmoodyourphysicalstateoryourlife circumstances Sometimes doing the same yoga technique in themorninginstead of in the evening might reveal distinct information and produce verydifferenteffectsonthepractitionerAsyoureadthischapterkeepinmindthattheintentionofthepracticeistocontactthatpartofyourselfthatknowsnolossSome call it the observer the higher self or the true witness of all yourexperiences
HowThisPracticeWasBorn
When I originally created this practice for transforming grief a suitablesequence of techniquesmdashthe best possible information to serve grievingindividualsmdashcamepouringfromwithinmewithuncannyeaseIcanonlyrefertothisexperienceasanactofpureyogicinspirationForyearsIfeltshyaboutsharingthewayinwhichthispracticecametolifeDespitemystrongsenseofits therapeutic effectiveness I feared peoplewould underestimate the value ofthesequencebecauseithadnotrequiredmonthsofstruggleelaboratestudyordemanding intellectual focus Experiencing this spontaneous reception ofaccurateandappropriateinformationproducedinthedepthofmybeinggavemehumility and awe Even personally knowing the magic of yoga I still feltawkward about the easewithwhich this perfectly applicable sadhana showeditselfunveilingtomethetoolstoworkwiththebereaved
Sincethatextraordinarymomentbackin1994Ihavepersonallywitnessedthe power of Yoga for Grief Relief at work Whether in clinical or informalsettingsgrouporprivatesessionsprofessionaltrainingsorpersonalretreatsthetransformationalpowerofthissadhanacontinuestoamazeme
Incidentally it was much later that I was able to identify that preciousmissingelement inmyawarenessyoga iswithineachoneofusalreadyThisknowledge often manifests as intuition that influences our creativity and allaspectsofourlivesInitiallymyinsightsaboutthebodyrsquosinherentinvolvementinthegrievingprocesscamefrommyownexperienceIwitnessedhowmybodyexpressedwhatmymind could not accept regarding the death ofmy belovedmother
When shedied Iwasayoungmanadamantly refusing toacceptherdeathandthepainthatresultedfromitInsteadIcameupwithmultipleexcusesforescaping my present reality cleverly supporting my behavioral choices withthoughtsthatseemedtoworkItoldmyselfthatmymomdidnotbringmeuptobeasadcreaturemourningherdeathineverycornerofourhouseSoIbusiedmyselfwithstudyinganddistractedmyselfwithtripstothebeachIlookedforexcitementdancingallnightlongdrinkingandhavingablast
Two years after her death the denial of the impact and the tearing ofmyheartmanifestedphysicallyasabonespurrightinthecenterofmychestwhereone of my ribs meets the breastbone It resembled calcifications that areproduced internally after a fractureorchestratedby thebody to strengthen theskeletalsystemYesIhadabrokenheartandmybodyshowedthattome
When the Yoga for Grief Relief practice assumed its full form it wasembracedbypractitionersasausefulsetoftoolsaffirmingtheeffectivenessand
perfectionofengagingancientyogatoaddressthevarioussymptomsofmodern-daygriefAsIcarefullybuilttheYogaforGriefReliefprogramIfirstincludedexercises that I thoughtwould take careof themoreobviousbodily effectsofgriefNextIaddressedtheproblemofperceptionsofthebereavedmindinordertoeffectchange in theneuroendocrinesystemFinally Isought tohelppeoplechangetheirperceptionofthelossandredefinethemselvesbasedonanewfoundself-awareness
TheActivePrinciplesofthePracticeYogaoffers techniques toenhanceourawarenessof the inherentvibrantunityamong body mind and spirit For the body yoga offers asanas or physicalmovementsthatimprovevitalfunctionsandenhanceemotionalawarenessForthemindyogausespranayamaorbreathworkBecausethequalityandrhythmof our breathing changes as we experience different thoughts and emotionsactivelyworkingwithourbreathingpatternscanbeausefulwaytoaddressthementalsymptomsencounteredingriefFinallyyogaoffersmeditationtoaddressthe Spirit since once the body is still and themind entertained thatwhich isneithermindnorbodycanmorefullymanifest
The yoga system is precise in how it prescribes exercises for specificsymptomsmuchlikeWesternmedicinedoesyetitisuniqueinacknowledgingthat each exercise addresses the full being The six significant categories thathelpustomovethroughthegrievingprocessarebreathworkbodymovementscleansingtechniquesrelaxationmindreprogrammingandmeditation
PranayamaIntroducingLifeControlThroughBreathWork
Pranayamainvolvesworkingdirectlywithourmostabundantlife-bestowingenergy our breath (prana) These exercises restore our sense of control byconnecting us to our innermost vitalitywhich easily falls out of balance afterlossConsciouslyworkingwithourbreathhelpstoreestablishbalanceandcopewith the fearsome loss of control that grief often presents It also helps us toacquaintourselveswithourmindsmoreintimatelytoobservethewaysinwhichweprocessouremotionsBasedonthisobservationwecandecidewhichtoolsweneedtousetoactivateourenergywhenfeelingdepletedortorelaxandfeelcalmwhenfeelinganxious
Because breathing is automatic and normally performed unconsciously
working consciously with the breath helps us to bridge the gap betweenconsciousandunconsciousEach timeweengage thebreath thiswaywehelpunite the intentional conscious mind and the more hidden unconscious mindallowingustofocusonthoseaspectsthatremainintheshadowycornersofourawareness
It is impossible to change thatwhichwe donrsquot knowor acknowledgeWeneed to recognize the existence of somethingbeforewe can transform it It isthroughourbreathawarenessthatweanchorourauthenticexperiencebringingattention to life in the present moment Our challenge is acknowledging theactual moment as is rather than what we think about it the intention is toactuallyexperienceandviewtheconcreterealityofthemoment
InUruguaywhereIwasbornthereisapopularsayingldquoAlifeistowriteabook to plant a tree and to bring up a childrdquoMy spiritualmasterMaharajiPremPalSinghRawatgivesitabeautiful twistsayingldquoLifeisonebreathinandonebreathoutnomorenolessSoactuallywritingabookplantingatreeorbringingupachildarelsquostoriesrsquoofliferdquo(1990)Givingpresencetoourbreathwegivepresencetoourlifeaswell
ThetediousnatureofthebereavementprocessdemandsoratleastrequestspatienceandawarenesssomethingconsciousbreathingdevelopsAfterallitisnotpossibletotakethenextbreathbeforethepresentoneiscompletethisistheonlywayinwhichlifecanhappenjustonebreathatatime
AsanaToolsforTransformingtheBody
Specificphysicalposesalterthesymptomsofgriefbyaddressingpainlackofenergyandvariousstructuralmalformationsourbodiescancontortintosuchashunchedbacksorcaved-inchestsThesetoolsforsomatictransformationcanbeputintopracticetopromotemovementofthephysicalandpsychiccontentsin the body Essentially any symptom whether psychological or physicalindicatesablockageofenergyresultinginthedisruptionofthenaturalbalanceofourhealthBypromotingthemovementofenergyweallowthelifeforcetoflowtothoseplacesin thebodythatneedit themostWealsobringthelatentcontentsofourmindstothesurfaceofconsciousnessmakingthemavailabletowitnessexploreandultimatelytransform
Our bodies are profoundly involved in the grieving process and infinitelywiserthanourmindsTappingintothebodyrsquoswisdomthroughmovementwhilemonitoring our intensified sensations and feelings gives us a much-needed
awarenessoftheconnectionofbodyandmindIntentionallyengagingourbodyin thesepractices is essential for our continuedoptimalhealth andwell-beingEstablishingtheconnectionmentallyandphysicallyallowsthemindtousethebodyasananchorduringtimesofunrest
Whenfacedwithanexperiencethatweperceiveas threateningwetendtoshield ourselveswith emotional armor built from previous pain and sufferingHabituallycuttingofftheflowofourlifeforcetoavoidcontactwithunpleasantfeelings literallypreventsus fromprocessing thepainofour emotionsLikeahouseofcardsbuiltonillusionthischaradedepletesourresourcesanddistractsusfromthetaskofworkingwithourauthenticfeelings
Performing these asanas challenges the holdings of the bodyrsquos armor (seeldquoBodyArmorADifferent Take on theChakrasrdquo in chapter 2) and helps thenatural energy hubs (chakras) connect enhancing the continuous flow ofconsciousness By stirring up the emotional and psychic contents held in themusclememorywe can connectwith our story throughour bodyrsquos display ofbothstrengthandweakness
As you will find many of the asanas presented here support the bodyrsquosvigorouschallengetofacethesymptomsofgriefYogicactionisgreatlyvaluedand especially effective in transforming griefAmong themanyother benefitsyoga offers choosing specific postures helps the body release some of theunwantedgrief-inducedchemicalspresentinthebloodstream
ShatkarmaACleansingTechniquefortheMind
Shatkarmaisagroupofyogiccleansingtechniquesusedtoreleaseemotionsthoughtsorphysicalexperiencestrappedinthebody-mindThisprocesscanbelikened to cleaning the surface of a crystal First it allows us to dealwith thegrime then it addresseswhat lies below and finally it encounters the pristineclarityofthecrystalundisturbedbywhatcloudedit
Intheparticularcaseofdealingwithgriefbeliefsystemsworldviewsandpreexistingmentalprogrammingusuallycloudourability toperceiveourgriefasnormalThetoxicbyproductsofstressthedebilitatingactionontheimmunesystem and the neurologically induced negative anticipatory thinking can andmustbetransformedsowecanstarttofeelbetteranddiligentlyandpurposefullyaccessthehiddengemfoundwithingrief
RelaxationCombatingStress
Relaxing practices such asanga shaithilya or self-relaxation are vital fordiminishing stress levels that areusuallyheightenedduringgriefAdjusting toournewundefinedrealityoften involves learningnewcopingskillsForsomeof us that alone can increase stress Relaxation is a potent normalizer andantidotetodealwiththeresultingsymptomsofbothsomaticallyexpressedstressandmentalanguishAngashaithilyaalsohelpsregulatedisturbedvitalfunctionssuch as breathing and cardiac rhythms sleep cycles and eating habitsRelaxation is also fundamental in helping the body achieve homeostasisbalancing blood-pressure levels and resetting the overall endocrine systemwhich in turnhelps to reduceourdramaticmoodswingsandgeneral stateofirritability
SankalpaResettingtheMind
OneofthemosteffectivementalreprogrammingtechniquesyogapossessesisSankalpa thepowerfulyogicprinciple referred toasldquoResolverdquoSettingourintentionorsayingaprayeroftenoutloudcanhelpresetthebrainandfocusthemind The application for grief in particular helps address the scattered andshatteredlinearthinkingthat issocharacteristicofgriefByfocusingthemindand identifying the present situation grieving individuals can clarify whatspecificchanges they intend toaccomplishThis tool is simplycalledResolveanditsurelyldquoresolvesrdquoThispracticeengagesourfullpresenceindicatingthatone is resolved to take the next step Resolve combats negative anticipatorythinking that stems from grief-induced disturbances of the limbic system Itaccomplishesthisbyformulatingintentionsonlyinthepresenttenseproducingpositive mental alignment and offering a powerful antidote for fear-basedruminations
MeditationTheChiefTechniquetoAddresstheSpirit
Many people think meditation involves stopping the mind Due to thiserroneousmisconceptionmanyfrustratedandconfusedseekerschoosetototallydiscard meditation In truth the attempt to stop the mind is futile since itcontradictsthemindrsquosinherentfunctioningwhichconstantlyshiftsfromthepast
tothefuturefromtherealtothefantasizedRatherthanattemptingtostopthemindmeditationofferstheever-changingmindalimitedrangeofchangemdashforexamplegoingfromchantingoneomtoanotherormovingfromonerepetitionoftheRosarytoanotheroneThisinturncomfortablydistractsthemindduetoanaturalfeatureofthebrainthatmaskspermanentstimuli
TobetterunderstandthismaskingfeatureimaginesomeonewhomovestoanewhomeinfrontofrailroadtracksandhearseachandeverypassingtrainAfewmonthslaterwhileentertainingathomeadinnerguestexpressesprofoundconcernabouttheintensenoiseldquoWowthesetrainsmustdriveyoucrazyrdquoThehostqueriesunthinkinglyldquoWhattrainsrdquo
HowthePracticeFunctionsasaWholeThe sadhana that Irsquove developed follows its own inherent rhythm leading usthroughprogressivesteps for transforminggriefFirst ithelpsusprepare tobepresentforthefullpaletteofourfeelingsthenitpromotestheproperflowoflifeforcecreatingoptimalconditionsforhealingNext itstirs theemotionalheartdeepeningourconnectionwithouremotionsandthenitprovidesanoutletforthe ones we want to release Subsequently it offers some control over theemotionalrollercoasterofgriefsothatbalancecanthenbeachievedThroughrelaxation thedeep releaseof internalandexternal stressors follows readyingthemindtoaccessnewprogrammingWethenhaveamoredirectunobstructedpathwaytothedepthofourSpiritforcreativelyredefiningournewidentity
OvercomingBarrierstoPractice
ThesadhanapresentedinthisbookisapracticeThereforeitrequiresyourcommitment to practice for you to reap the desired benefits This may seemobvious toyouyet that isnot so formanypeopleSomehope thatby simplyreadingthismaterialtheirsymptomswillspontaneouslyabateOthersalthoughencouragedby the results seenafter just a few initial rounds simplywill stoppracticebecausetheydonothavethewillorstrengthwithintocontinueSomereport that they donrsquot practice because of lack of appropriate support othersbecausetheyarewaitingforthemostidealconditionsthatneverseemtoshowupAlloftheseareexcusesthatcanandmustberesolved
SuccessinyogaandtheabilitytomanifestthebestpossiblelifeisbasedontwocoreprinciplespracticeandnonattachmentWorkingonnonattachment is
byfarmoredifficultthanworkingonestablishingapracticeEspeciallyduringexcruciatingly difficultmoments of bereavement the grievingmindmaywellresisttalkingaboutorconfrontingtheconceptofnonattachment
Asstatedinchapter1weonlygrievethelossofthatwhichweareattachedto This statement depicts exactly how grief and attachment are intrinsicallyintertwined
Eachpartofthesadhanaservestheoverallgoaloftransformingthecomplexexperience of grief by promoting body mind and spirit integration andrejuvenation
To accommodate the emotional waves and inherent fluctuations in thebereavementprocessIsuggestmaintaininganattitudeofdetachmenttowardtheimmediateresultsofpracticeSomedaysyourpracticewillbeintenseonothersitmaybemilderSomedaysyouwill feel content after practicing other daysyourpracticemighttakeyoutoplacesthatfeellessthansatisfyingThedeeperbenefitswill comeas a result of establishing a regular practiceKeep inmindthatinthebest-casescenarioaseriousdedicatedpracticecanactuallyleadonetononattachment
In the following chapter I will demonstrate how to do the practicesthemselveshoweachpracticehelpsusandhowtoestablishthebestlogisticstoensureasuccessfulpractice
Chapter4
WhatYouCanDoTheYogaPractice
This chapter features the sadhana a sequence of exercises presented in asimplewayandaspecificorderbestsuitedtoaidinyourgrievingprocessThepreviouschaptersharedinformationexplainingthegeneraleffectsofeachgroupof exercises This chapter explains how each technique specifically addressesgriefandhow topracticeeachoneby followingstep-by-step instructionsThechapter that follows this one will help you discern how and when to use theexercisesandifneedbehowtoadaptthemaccordingtoyourpersonalabilitiesand needsYoumay benefit from familiarizing yourselfwith both chapters asyou embark on your practice alternating between the two while learning thetechniquesandplanninghowtointegratethemintoyourlife
Hereisanat-a-glancelistofthesadhanaexercises(alongwiththeirSanskritnames)intheorderIproposetheybepracticedin
YogaforGriefReliefSadhana
Pranayama
CompleteBreathing(MahatYogaPranayama)
Asana
EnergyFlowSeries(Pawanmuktasana1)
Windmill(VayuChakramAsana)
AttitudeofDischarging(UtthitaLolasana)
Shatkarma
ConcentratedGazing(Tratak)
Pranayama
Alternate-NostrilBreathing(NadiShodhanaPranayama)
Relax
Self-RelaxationTechnique(AngaShaithilya)
MentalReprogramming
Resolve(Sankalpa)
Meditation
BreathMeditation
AcceptingLifeFully
ldquoLifeisonebreathinandonebreathouthelliprdquo
mdashPremPalSinghRawat
PracticingCompleteBreathingallowsyoutogetintouchwiththequintessentialmovementinyourlifeonebreathinandonebreathoutDuringbereavementthemindisconfusedinitsattempttograspanewrealityandtendstoruminateonthepastoranticipateanegativefutureSinceneitherof these tendenciesallowyoutoinhabitthepresentmdashtheonlyplacetoreallybemdashitisimportanttobringawarenesstowhatlifeisreallylikeinthemomentThisexercisecalmsthemindwhilethebodybenefitsfromreceivingaproperintakeofoxygenwhichhelpstoalleviatetheshortnessofbreathcommonlypresentwhengrieving
CompleteBreathing(MahatYogaPranayama)
Prior toactuallypracticingCompleteBreathing letrsquos takea lookatapreparatoryexercisethatwillhelpyoubetteridentifythethreepartsinvolvedinthetechnique
PreparationforCompleteBreathing
1 Lieonyourbackfindacomfortablepositionandplaceyourarmsatyoursideswithpalmsfacingup
2 ConnectwithyourbreathandobservethebreathrsquosnaturalrhythmObservetheinvolvementofyourbellyribsandchestinyourbreath
3 BringyourrighthandtothelowerbellykeepingtheelbowonthefloorBringthelefthandontoyourchestInhalebringingairmostlytothebellyExhalesoftlycontractingthebellyContinuetobreathethiswayforafewroundsNotethatatthistimethereshouldbenomovementofyourlefthandorintheribcageareaWitnesstherighthandmovingupanddownwhiletheleftremainsstill
4 Nowmovebothhandstotheribcageplacingthethumbatthebackoftheribscloseto
thespineandyourfingersinfrontMakesurethattheinneredgeofthehands(thumbtothetipoftheindexfinger)followsthecurveofyourribsRestthetipoftheindexfingerasclosetothefrontpartoftheribsasyoucanInhaleallowingtheribstoexpandExhaleallowingtheribstocomebacktowardthecenterofyourbodyastheycontractCompresstheribsslightlytowardthecenterofthebodywithyourhandsattheendoftheexhalationContinuetobreathethiswayforafewroundsNotethatthechestandbellyshouldexperiencelittlemovementatthistime
5 PlaceyourhandsbackatyoursidesforamomentbeforebringingthemtotheirpreviouspositionlefthandatthechestrighthandatthelowerbellyInhaleallowingthechesttofillupNoticethecollarbonesmovingtowardthejawboneThenexhaleallowingthechesttosoftlycontractasitreturnstotheoriginalpositionContinuetobreathethiswayforafewroundsAtthistimethereshouldbenomovementofthebellytherighthandortheribcagearea
Now that each phase of breathing has been broken down for you bring it together insequenceasCompleteBreathing
CompleteBreathing
1 Inhaleslowlyexpandingyourabdomen
2 Thenfullyexpandyourribs
3 Thenexpandthechestoutwardandupward
4 Exhalerelaxingfirsttheabdomenthentheribsandthenthechestfirstdownwardandtheninward
5 PracticecontinuousinhalationsandexhalationsTheremaybeatendencytoallowthebellytofallwhilebringingairintothechestDoyourbesttokeepthebellyfullduringinhalationandasyoucontinuetoengagetheremainingparts
Suggestedtime5minutes
Benefits
Itmaximizesyourinhalationsandexhalations
Ithelpsyougaincontrolofthebreathcorrectsalteredbreathingpatternsandincreasesoxygenintake
Itbringsawarenesstotheareawherethemainchakrasarelocatedthereforeenhancingconsciousconnectionwithrelatedthoughtsandsensations
Itservesasasymbolicacceptanceofthetotalityofthegrievingprocess
Ithelpspromoteapsychologicalsensationofgreatercontroloverlife
Precautions
Thewholeprocessshouldbeonecontinuousmovement
Eachphaseofbreathingmovesintothenextwithoutanyobvioustransitionpoint
Ifexperiencinglowerbackpainplaceacushionorothersupportunderyourknees
Contraindications
None
On a psychosomatic level by engaging your abdominal muscles duringCompleteBreathing you can connectwith gut feelings such as anger fear orguiltRawfeelingsexperiencedbytheheartoftenencounterresistancefromthemindThere isa reasonwhymanypeople refer to feelinganxiousashavingaknotintheirstomach
TheintercostalmusclesholdtheribstogetherandrelatetosafetyTheyarethemusclesthathelpprotectourpreciousvitalorgansItiscommontoseetherib cage locked in defensewith frightened and abused individualsBy tensingthe intercostals an individual attempts to re-create a sense of security that isbeing threatened Asking yourself questions to identify the threatmdashldquoWhat isthreateningmeHowcanImaintainasenseofsecurityWhatmightIneedtodordquomdashcanskillfullyelicitmuch-neededintrospectionAllowingtheribcagetoexpandissymbolicofyourintentiontobeflexibleregardingsafety
ThepectoralbreathrelatestoemotionsoryourelaboratedgutfeelingsMostofusfirstfilterourgutfeelingsthroughtheparametersofwhatweconsidersafethen transform them into complex emotions including other aspects related toourbeliefsystemsintellectualconsiderationslearneddefensemechanismsandmore
ldquoThewayinwhichyoubreatheisametaphorforthewayinwhichyouareliving your lifeAre you taking little sips of breath as though you donrsquot havepermission to takeupmuchspaceon theplanetrdquoasksAmyWeintraub(2004125)YourpracticeofCompleteBreathingissymbolicofyourcommitmenttoafullbreathandafulllifeThereforeyouareabletotrulyinhabitthepresentanddealwiththefeelingsthatgriefstirsupYoumightnotlikethesefeelingsyetitisnecessarytobepresentforthemiftheintentionistomovethroughthegriefprocess in a healthy way By exhaling fully you are also committing tocompletelylettinggoofwhatnolongerservesyoumdashperhapsagoodtrade-off
SomepeopleknowadifferentwayofpracticingthistechniquecalledDurgausingbellyribsandchesttoinhalebutexhalingusingchestfirstthenribsandbelly last I propose using belly ribs then chest for both inhalation andexhalation because it facilitates filling and also emptying the lungs mostefficiently Imagine one of those tubes of frosting with a metal tip used fordecoratingcakesIfyoureallywanttoemptyityoumustfirstpressthebottomthen the middle and last the tip The same applies to the lungs which arebasicallytwotriangleswiththebasefacingtowardthebottomofthetorsoThelungsemptymostcompletelywhen lowering thebelly first then theribs thenthechestThisactionalsoallowsforastrongerinhalationaftereachexhalationbecause nothing can be filled up completely if it has not been previously
emptiedAfter you havemastered the use of the three areas involved in this breath
workpleasepracticeCompleteBreathingusingyourpersonalbreathingrhythmPracticingbreathinginthewayIrsquoveindicatedcanbesymbolicallyusedasasignofyourwillingness toembrace thefullnessofyourgrievingprocessOnce thebreath is made conscious and its use enhanced by the practice of CompleteBreathingthenwecanattempttocontroltheflowoflifeforce
UnblockingtheFlowoftheLifeForceThisasanaseriesisamasterpieceofyogamdashatruegemmdashthoughperhapsduetoits simplicity deceptive power and gentle efficiency it is not alwaysacknowledged as such Unblocking the life forcersquos flow is essential whenattemptingtoregainhealthandpromotechangeThewordpawanmeansldquodivinewindrdquo and relates to the life force that comes with the breathmukta meansldquoreleaserdquo and asana means ldquoposerdquo Therefore pawanmuktasana translates toposes that removeblockages thatprevent thefree flowofenergy inbothbodyandmind This technique should be practiced from beginning to end withoutskippinganypart
EnergyFlowSeries(Pawanmuktasana1)
Sitwithyourlegsstraightandyourhandsbehindyourbodyfingerspointingawayfromyourtoes
ToeBending
1 Bringawarenesstoyourtoes
2 Nowrollthetoesforwardthenback
3 Keepyourawarenessonyourtoes
AnkleBending
1 Separateyourlegsslightlysothatwhenyouperformanklerotationsyourfeetdonottouch
2 Bringawarenesstoyourankles
3 RotateyouranklesinoppositedirectionskeepingthetoesrelaxedMakeaswidearotationasyoucomfortablycan
4 Nowreversedirections
KneeBending
1 Bringawarenesstoyourknees
2 Liedownonyourbackwithyourhandsunderthesacrumpalmsfacingdownandthesolesofyourfeetonthefloorkneesbent
3 Straightenyourrightlegupfully
4 Letthecalffallbendingattheknee
5 Nowswitchlegsandrepeat
6 Onceyouhavecycledthroughbothlegsstretchyourlegsoutfullyonthefloorremovingyourhandsfromunderthesacrumandlyingflatcontinuetobeawareofyourknees
HipRotation
1 Bringyourawarenesstothehips
2 Lifttherightlegslightlyoffthefloor
3 CrosstherightleglowovertheleftlegtowardyourleftarmkeepingthekneestraightKeepyourgluteusmusclesbackandshouldersflatonthefloortoavoidtwistingyourwaist
4 Bendtherightkneebringingittowardyourface
5 Opentherightlegouttotherightandstraightentheknee
6 Bringtherightlegtowardtheleftleg
7 Continuewiththerotationmakinganotherlargecircle
8 Repeatthecyclewiththesamelegbutrotateintheoppositedirection
9 Repeatwiththeleftleg
SpinalTwistProstrationPose
1 Bringyourawarenesstothewaist
2 Situpfromthelyingdownpositionandspreadyourlegsapart
3 Inhaleandbendthebodyforwardbringingyourarmstowardyourtoes
4 NowswingtheupperbodytotheleftandonanexhalebringyourtorsodowntothefloorcreatingatwistatthewaistYoushouldendupwithyourhandsandchinonthefloorandelbowsupMakesureyouleaveyourrightbuttockasclosetothefloorasyoucanwhilealsobringingtheleftshoulderdowntowardthefloor
5 Nowinhaleandcomeupswingingtheupperbodybacktowardyourfeet
6 Onanexhaleswingthebodytotherightside
7 Repeat
Besureyourchinrestswherethebackofyourheadwouldbeifyouwerelyingdown
HandClenching
1 Findacomfortablesittingposition
2 Keepingthespinestraightbringyourhandstothekneeswithpalmsfacingup
3 Bringawarenesstoyourfingers
4 Stretchthearmsforwardandstretchyourfingersspreadingthemapart
5 Thenbendyourfingersincreatingtwofists
6 Uncurlyourfingersandbringyourhandsbackdowntorestonyourkneeskeepingawarenessonyourfingers
Wrist-JointRotation
1 Moveawarenesstoyourwrists
2 StretchthearmsforwardagainmakingtwofistsKeepyourthumbsinsidethefists
3 KeepingyourhandsinthatpositionbringthemupandrotateyourwristsinoppositedirectionsKeepyourarmsparallelwiththefloorandmakesuretokeepthemstraighttheforearmsfacingdownrotatingonlythewrists
4 Nowreversethedirection
5 Bringyourhandsbacktothekneesrelaxthemandremainwithyourawarenessonthewrists
ElbowBending
1 Bringyourawarenesstotheelbows
2 Stretchtherightarmforwardwithpalmfacinguparmparalleltothefloor
3 Holdtherightarmwiththelefthandatthebicepareasupportingthewholearmsoitremainsatshoulderlevel
4 Bendtheelbowbringingyourfingerstotheshoulder
5 Nowlettheforearmfallforwardstraighteningyourarmagainwiththepalmfacingup
6 Changearmsandrepeat
7 Nowbringyourarmsdownrelaxingthemandplacingyourhandsattheknees
8 Keepyourawarenessontheelbows
ShoulderSocketRotation
1 Bringawarenesstoyourshoulders
2 Onaninhalemovethetipsofyourfingerstothetipsofyourshoulders
3 ExhaleplacingtheelbowstogetherinfrontofyourchestYourelbowsshouldtouch
4 InhalebringingtheelbowsupthenbackMakesurethehandstouchatthebackoftheneck
5 ExhalebringingtheelbowsdownthenforwardcompletingthecircleMakesuretokeeptheneckrelaxed
6 Repeattheexercisewiththeelbowsrotatingintheoppositedirection
7 Whendonebringyourhandstorestonthekneesrelaxingtheshoulders
NeckRotations
1 Bringawarenesstoyourneck
2 Lettheheadfallforward
3 Nowbringtheheadupthenletitrollbackopeningthemouthslightly
4 Repeatthemotion
5 Nowbringyourheadbackstraighttoitsoriginalpositionandtiltitslightlytotherightbringingtherighteardowntowardtherightshoulder
6 BringtheheadbackupandtiltittotheleftbringingthelefteardowntowardtheleftshoulderDonrsquotturnyourneckonlymovethehead
7 Nowbringthechindowntoyourchest
8 Bringthechinupandmoveittowardtherightshoulder
9 Thenbringyourchinuppointingittowardtheceiling
10 Nowmoveyourchintowardtheleftshoulder
11 Thenbringitdowntowardthechest
12 ReversedirectionsRemembertokeepyourshouldersandhandsrelaxedasyoucyclethroughthemovementsKeepyourawarenessonyourneck
Suggestednumberofrepetitionsnolessthan3timeseachmovement
Suggestedtime10minutes
Benefits
Itpromotesthefreeflowoflifeforce
Itoptimizestheconditionsforhealing
Itstimulatesproperlymphaticdrainage
Itimprovesproperjointfunctionalitycombatingtheeffectsofarthritisandotherdegenerativeillnesses
Itrelaxesthemusclesofthebodyandtheimpulsesthattravelbacktothebrainrelaxingthemind
Ittunesuptheautonomicnerves
Itbalanceshormonalfunctions
Itimprovesvitalorganfunctions
Itimprovestheattentivefacultyofthemind
Precautions
Stayfocusedoneachbodypartpriortomovingitwhilemovingitandafterwardaswell
BesensitivetopainassociatedwithpotentialpoppingsoundswhenmovingthehipsIfthepoppingisnotpainfulyoumightcontinue
IfmomentarilyunabletoperformamovementdonotskipthatjointorplaceRathervisualizethemovementasfullyasyouareabletothencontinuewiththesubsequentjoint
Contraindications
Thisseriesneedstobemodifiedifyouhaveinjuriesorlimitationsinanyparticularjointinvolved
Thosesufferingfromsciaticaorlowerbackndashrelatedconditionsshouldbesensitivetopainwhenperformingthoseasanasthatinvolvethisareaofthebody
Theneckexercisesshouldnotbeperformedfullybythosesufferingfromhighbloodpressureorextremecervicalspondylosis
As we free the energy in our body it flows from healthy places tocompromised areas promoting the flow of the life force nourishing the bodyfromwithinandallowingittohealGriefisnotanillnessalthoughattimeswecertainlyfeelquitesickOurbodiesacheyearningforthereestablishmentofourwell-beingAspracticehelpstorestoreorderandproperoverallfunctioningwearemoreequippedtocopewithgrievoushealthdisturbances
Placing our awareness on each joint helps us gain deeper contact withourselvesheighteningourperceptionofsensationsandfeelingsinthebody
Doing this offers thepossibilityof tapping into thebodyrsquos rhythmswhichare often much clearer than the perceptions of the mind After all we canrsquotchangewhatwedonrsquotknowWhilegrievingourawarenessisoftenmisguidedlyplacedon thedramaofour losses Increasingawarenessof thebody improvesthereceptivityofthemindbecauseoftheintricateunionofthesetwoaspectsofoursystem
Learninghowourbodyrespondstoouractionsisexpertlydemonstratedinthe alternation of first feeling a joint in stillness and then feeling it in actionWhenwe focus on how it feels tomove this part of our bodywe engage infeelingtheeffectsmoreprecisely
ThemonitoringoftheconditionofourjointsservesasamappingdeviceItis a fresh angle on self-reflection which enables us to witness progress Themoving body releases information regarding feelings and mental impressionsthatweholdinourmoleculesBycarefullylisteningtotheemergencewecanhear our own internal guidance taking us a step closer to reinforcing existingfeelingsorchangingthemtosuitourneeds
The flexions and extensions contractions and torsionsmdashall help the bodypurgeundesiredchemicalbyproductsofgriefTheseactionspromotethereleaseoftoxinsthatifleftinsidemakeouranxietygreaterourdepressiondeeperandourconfusionmorepronouncedMonitoringthedailychangeshelpsuswitnessthe small improvements that practice of this technique brings By witnessingthesedailymicroimprovementsyoucangainrenewedhopeinthepossibilityofincrementalshiftsthatreduceclassicalnegativeanticipatorythinking
Themindcanconvenientlyldquoforgetrdquosomejointssotry toremembertonotskip any of the exercises so as to avoid further blockages Even if you canrsquotmovea jointdue toafunctional limitationsimplyvisualize therotationOncewersquove cleared the pathways of the life force in the system we are ready tofurtherstirupourfeelingsandmakeadeeperandmoresignificantconnectionwith themmdashsomethingthefollowingexercise theWindmill isuniquelysuitedfor
WhiskingUptheFeelingsTheWindmillisthekeyasana intheYogaforGriefReliefsadhanaandgivesyou access to themost powerful resource you can tap intoAlthough it is notfound in classical yoga texts it relates to a similar exercise included inBioenergeticsatechniqueinventedbyAmericanphysicianandpsychotherapistAlexander Lowen (1994) I felt inspired to design theWindmill exercise andintegrateit intomygrief therapypracticebecauseof theprofoundeffect ithadon me As a somatic psychotherapist I was absolutely fascinated by theimmediate effect of how quickly whirling arm movements enhance theperceptionoffeelingsInadditionIlearnedthatintraditionalChinesemedicinesome rotational movements of the arms are often prescribed to deal withsymptomsofgriefpinpointedinthelungs
AnandaBalayogiBhavananiadearfriendandoneofthemodernscholarsofYoga in India provided me with a Sanskrit name for the technique vayuchakramasanaorldquowheelofairrdquoThroughmanyyearsofusingthistechniqueIhavecometorealizethattheeffectivenessoftheWindmillisabsolutelyduetothe intentionally direct contact with anahata chakra the heart center whereattachmentisdeveloped
Windmill(VayuChakramAsana)
RightArm
1 Standwithyourfeetparallelthekneesunlockedthespinestraightandyourarmsatyoursides
2 Turnthethumbofyourrighthandinwardtowardthelegfirstthenturnitbackwardsothatyourpinkyfacesforwardandyourpalmfacesouttotheside
3 InhaleasyoumoveyourarmforwardandupStopafterthearmpassesslightlybehindtheheadandholdyourbreathfeelingtheslightstretchinthepectoralmuscles
4 OpenyourmouthrelaxyourtongueandwhileexhalingletthearmdropbackanddownwhileemittinganldquoaaahrdquosoundAvoidbumpingyourlegwithyourarmasitdropsdowninafreefallAllowthearmtonaturallystopswinging
SemifastForm
1 Afteranumberofrepetitionsoftheslowformbendyourkneesslightlyandrotateyourarmcontinuouslyatmediumspeedfollowingthesamemotionasbefore
2 AllowforaquickinhalationthroughthenosefollowedbytheldquoaaahrdquosoundasyoucontinuouslyrotateyourarmMakesureyourarmrotatescontinuouslyAvoidholdingyourbreathasyoudidbeforeAvoidbobbingupanddownkeepyourkneesbentthroughout
FastForm
1 Increasethespeeduntilyourotatethearmasfastasyoucanwhilecontinuingtobreathemdashmorerapidlynowmdashandmakingtheldquoaaahrdquosound
2 Stopthemovementstraightenthekneesandconnectwithanyemotionsorfeelingsthatmightarisewithclosedeyes
Youmightexperiencepain inyourfingertips If thepain istoointenseyoumayholdyourarmuprightandallowthebloodtoflowawayfromtheextremitieswhichreleasesanypainalmost immediately Please also consider bearing with the pain because it might be aneffectivemetaphorforyourwillingnesstowithstandthepainofgrief
LeftArm
1 Repeatasfortherightarm
BothArms
1 Facebothpalmsoutwiththepinkiesfacingforward
2 Inhaleasyoumovebotharmsforwardandup
3 StopthemovementwhenthearmspassslightlybehindyourheadHoldyourbreathfeelingtheslightstretchinbothpectoralmuscles
4 Openyourmouthrelaxyourtongueandwhileexhalingletthearmsdropbackanddownwhileemittinganldquoaaahrdquosound
SemifastForm
1 Afteranumberofrepetitionsoftheslowformbendyourkneesslightlyandrotateboth
armscontinuouslyatmediumspeedfollowingthesamemotionasbefore
FastForm
1 Increasethespeeduntilyourotatethearmsasfastasyoucanwhilecontinuingwiththefastbreathandtheldquoaaahrdquosound
2 Stopthemovementstraightenthekneesandconnectwithanyemotionsorfeelingsthatmightarisewithclosedeyes
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10timeswhenperformingtheslowversionnolessthan10 times when performing the semifast and fast versions A better recommendationhoweverisforyoutosimplyself-regulatetherepetitionssincecountingthemcandistractfromtheupsurgeofemotionalcontent
Benefits
Itunblockstheheartchakraoxygenatingandrelaxingthepectoralmuscleswhileallowingthefeelingsandemotionstofindawaytothesurfaceofyourbodyandyourconsciousness
Itenhancestheupper-pectoralbreathincreasingthelungsrsquocapacitytoreceiveair
Itincreasesbloodcirculationtotheupperthorax
Ithelpsreleasetightnessintheneckandlessenthesensationoffeelingchoked
Itincreasesageneralfeelingofaliveness
Itincreasesthesensationinthesolesofyourfeetallowingadeeperfeelingofgrounding
Precautions
EnsurethattheneckremainsrelaxedandtheheadstaysstraightthroughouttheexerciseAvoidtiltingtheheadinanydirection
Keepyourkneesbent(whenpracticingthesemifastandfastforms)toreducelower-backimpact
Bearinmindthatalldegreesofpracticemdashfromvisualizationtofullperformancemdashareeffective
Remembernottobreakthestraightlineofyourpostureasyouexhaleandbringthearmsdown
Donottwistthebodytothesideorrotateitwhiledroppingthearmsdownasyouexhale
Contraindications
ThosesufferingfromrotatorcuffndashrelatedconditionsshouldonlyvisualizetheWindmillorperformitinawaythatdoesnotpromotepainIfpainappearsstopmovementthentryasimplerlessinvolvedvariation
ThesemifastandfastmovementsshouldbeperformedwithcarerespectingtheinherentlimitationswithregardtoanypreexistingconditionssuchasneckshoulderorbackinjuriesoraheartconditionIfanyofthesemovementspromotemorethanslightpainorifyouhavedoubtsaboutwhethertheyareappropriateforyouatthistimepleaseconsultamedicalprofessionalbeforeperformingthisexercise
TheWindmillhelpsactivatethepectoralmuscleswhilehelpingthescapulaeto rotate unlockingour emotional armor and relieving tension in the shoulderarea As the tense muscles start to loosen our perceptions change as buriedemotionsstartmigratingfromstuckplacesinthebody
The nature of the Windmill exercise is active I feel it is important toemphasize that although it is natural to resist the emotions these movementsmightbringupworkingthroughthemistheonlywaytotransformgrief
PracticingtheWindmillproveshelpfulforwhatwasoncetenselockedandshutawaytobecomeopenanddynamicYouareinvitedtomeetyourselffullywhenyouactivate thispartofyourbodyenhancing thepotential toalteryourperceptionofyourpreviouslyheldbeliefs
Justlikekidsthinktheyareinvisiblewhentheyhidebehindtheirownhandswhileplayingpeek-a-booweplayanadultversionofthegamebythinkingthatbynotnamingourfeelingsandignoringthemwedonrsquotfeelthemWeknowthateverybody can see the little kid behind his hands and in a similar way ourhigherselfcanseewhatwedonrsquotwanttoacknowledgeaspartofourexperienceHowcanwechange somethingwhenwedonrsquot know it is thereHowcanweconsciouslytransformabeliefifwearenotawareofit
Moving through thepainofgrief is anessential taskFeeling thepainandbecomingfamiliarwith it is thefirststepNextweconsciouslyworkwith thepainandtransformitthroughouractionsRememberthatyouhavenotactuallycreatedanyfeelingsbypracticingtheWindmilltheyarealreadythereinsideofyou
Theshortmomentofretentionofthein-breathallowsforanopportunitytomatchthebodyrsquospresentenvironmentofoverchargedfeelingsandtension thatyouaregoingthroughinlifeanditpreparesthesystemforthesubsequentreliefwhenswingingthearmbackanddownTheldquoaaahrdquosoundinducesyourabilitytoexpressyourselftogetthingsoffyourchestSoundhelpsopenthepathwaystowarda full expressionof theemotionsassociatedwith the loss andwith thenew situation that results Because grieving individuals need to be heardopening the avenues of communication both with yourself and others is veryimportantTheUniversebehavesaswavesusingsoundcanhelpyoubegin to
modifyyourrealityonacosmiclevelYourabilitytospeakyourtruthreshapesthecircumstancesthatcomposeyournewreality
DuringtimesofgriefacknowledgingwhereweareinrelationtoourprocesscanbechallengingProbablyinfusedbythesocietalawkwardnessaroundgriefmdashthe fact that nobody wants to talk about itmdashwe too feel awkward and notnecessarilycomfortableexposingourachingheartsshowingourtruepainThispromotes isolation and enhances the feeling that no one can understand usWhileitistruethatnotwoindividualsgrieveinthesamewayitisalsotruethatthereareuniversaltraitstoeveryonersquosgriefandsharinginthisprocesscanbeofimmense assistance at this time Being able to speak about your realitywhengrievingcanhelpyouemotionallyaccepttherealityofthelossThisisliberatingin itself provided that the other is a good listener What is a good listenerSomeone who is receptive accepting and willing to just listen and not giveadvicesomeonewhoisnotapttogiveflippantanswerssuchasldquoDonrsquotworryyoursquollbeallrightrdquo
SomeprefertheslowformoftheWindmillbecauseitismorepleasantthanthesemifastandfastformsPreferablythefasterformsofthetechniqueshouldbe practiced with supervision and closely monitored by an experienced andseasoned yoga therapist or even better by a competent body-orientedpsychotherapistTheelevatedenergetictoneofboththesemifastandfastformsoftenevokeveryintensefeelingsThewillingnessandreadinesstoexposeyourdeepestdefensemechanismsdemands increasedcaution compassion andcaretowardyourself
I have seen many yoga practitioners having breakthroughs with theWindmill tapping into their own unmasked hearts at times exhilarated bymerelywitnessingtheirownrichpaletteoffeelingsothertimesoverwhelmedbythe intensityof itallBecause theconsequencescanbevery intense I suggestusingtheslowformonlyatfirstYoumaywanttoleavetheothertwospeedsforatimewhenyoucanpracticewithproperguidanceandareemotionallypreparedtoworkwithwhatarisesWhileitistruethatyouwanttofaceyouremotionalrealityyoumustdosoinawaythatisfeasibleandproductiveforgrowth
The imageof awindmill using thepowerof thewind to grindgrains intoflourisasavalidanalogyasitexemplifiestheprocessofworkingthroughourown grief Transforming the hardness of the process into something we canderivenurturancefrommirrorsthehardshellonthegrainThemillingturnsthehardness into something thatwecanuseBy releasingour armoredpostureofprotectionwegainaccesstothehiddengemwrittenaboutearlierinthischapterChapter6furtheraddressestheaspectsofsuchatransformation
LetGoThe Attitude of Discharging exercise offers an extraordinary outlet for yourheightened feelings brought to consciousness after practicing the WindmillNow stirred up your emotions are available and accessible for creativeexternalization
ThisasanademonstrateshowyogacanbeusedtoaddressissuesattheircorebyhelpingindividualsdischargeunwantedfeelingsInsteadofofferingspecificantidotes foreach feelingweefficientlyassumeanattitudeof lettinggo tobeappliedtoanyandallfeelings
ThequestiongrievingindividualsaskmostoftenisldquoWhatdoIdowiththesefeelingsrdquoEventhoughfeelingsaretobefeltitistruethatmostofuswanttodosomething with them In the words of JWilliamWorden ldquoSadness must beaccompaniedbyanawarenessofwhatonehaslostangerneedstobeproperlyand effectively targeted guilt needs to be evaluated and resolved and anxietyneedstobeidentifiedandmanagedrdquo(200996)
Onceyouidentifyyourfeelingsyoucanassesswhatactionsareneededtoaddress them The following asana allows you to discharge negative andunpleasant feelings or perhaps to discharge those that prevent you fromaccessing the positive feelings you awaken by practicing the Windmill andwouldliketoexperiencemoredeeply
AttitudeofDischarging(UtthitaLolasana)
1 Standwithlegsapartfeetparallelandkneesbent
2 Onaninhalebringthearmsforwardandupthenbendbackwardmovingthepelvisforwardandtiltingtheheadback
3 Holdyourbreathattheendoftheinhalation
4 Openyourmouthrelaxthetongueandthenwhileexhalingswingtheupperbodyforwardanddownuntilcomingtoacompleterelaxationoftheupperbodyandemittinganldquoaaahrdquosound
5 WhileinhalingmovethearmsforwardandupRepeat
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10times
Benefits
Ittonesthespinalnerves
Itmassagesthevitalorgans
Itstretchesthehamstringsandbackmuscles
Itimproveslymphaticmovementanddrainagefromtheabdomenandbaseofthelungsallowingforanimprovedfullerbreath
Itstimulatesbloodflowtothebrain
Itfacilitatesdischargeofferingfeelingsandemotionalsensationsawayout
Precautions
Keepthekneesbentatalltimesincludingattheendoftheinhalationwhenyouarebentbackward
Makesuretheheadandarmscometoafullrelaxationaftereachdownwardswingingmovementwhenperformingtheregularversion
Contraindications
ThisasanashouldbemodifiedifpracticedbypeoplesufferingfromvertigoInthiscaseavoidplacingtheheaddown
Peoplewithhighbloodpressureshouldavoidthecompleteversionoftheasanalimitingtheforward-downmovementwiththeuppertorso
Thosesufferingfrombackconditionsparticularlyinthelowerbackneedtomonitorpainespeciallywhencomingupafterthedownwardswingingmovement
Thedifficultmomentofbendingbackwardattheendoftheinhalationmightmirror an equally challenging moment during bereavement that of feelingexposed awkward imbalancedvulnerableThe forcefuldownwardmovementoffersanopportunitytoreleasethoseembodiedfeelings
Irsquovefoundthreevariationsofthisposturetobeparticularlyhelpfultothosewhoaregrieving
The first variation includesperforming the technique in a continuous fashion andwith noretention of the in-breath at the end of each inhalation Always keep your knees bent toavoid locking them in an attempt to control the heightened intensity of feelings In mypractice Irsquove found that active people andmen in particular usually enjoy this variationbecause of its enhanced active component The constant use of the ldquoaaahrdquo sound alsotendstoresonatewithmenwhousuallyprefergrowlingouttheiremotionstotalkingaboutthem
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10times
AsecondvariationentailsldquoplacingrdquotheparticularfeelingyouneedtodischargeinthepalmsofyourhandsAsyoumoveforwardanddownvisualizethatemotionbeingreleasedintothe earth Holding the feeling in the palms helps the mind concretize the feeling andenhancestheintensityandfocusofthedischarge
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10times
A third variation has your hands making full contact with the floor at the end of theexhalationwith the ldquoaaahrdquosoundsustainedAvoid tapping thehandson the floor ratherkeep the full contact for as long as you are exhaling and emitting the ldquoaaahrdquo soundVisualizepushingthefeelingsforcefullyintothehotmagmaatthecenteroftheearthAllowthe upper body to fully lean on the hands and intensify the push imagining the emotiontravelingathighspeedandmeltingintotheearthrsquoscoreRememberthatmeltingsomethingdoes not get rid of it it merely changes its form In a similar way our feelings cannotdisappearbutinsteadcanbetransformedwithintentiontimeandwork
Suggestednumberofrepetitions3times
IfyouarecompromisedinyourbodilycapacitytoperformthisexercisebesafeandonlyengageuptoyourlimitorpracticebyvisualizingthetechniqueIrsquove evenproposed this exercise to people confined to awheelchair engagingonlytheupperbodyarmsandheadasavariationofthisposture
After performing such an intense asana we are now ready to move to aquietercalmerpracticetocontinueworkingwithourgrief
SleepBetterandAwakentoaNewPerspectiveThetechniquethatfollowsisusefultohelpbalancethepinealglandBecauseofitsinvolvementinregulatingthefunctionsoftheotherendocrineglandsthisisagoodway to reset the endocrine system in its entirety This exercise can helpindividualsstrengthentheirprotectionfromforeignagentsandavoidtherelapseofpreexistingconditionsthatoftenoccursatthisvulnerabletimeThisisduetothe relationship between the endocrine system and the immune systemparticularlyatthethymusglandThepinealglandisoftenheavilytaxedduringthegriefprocess and the insomniamanygrieversexperiencemdashor itsoppositeoversleepingmdashis the result of an imbalance in the melatonin it producesEngaging the optic nerves is a way of addressing this disturbance since theglandreactstolightregisteredthroughthesenerves
ConcentratedGazing(Tratak)
1 SitcomfortablyandextendyourrightarmwithyourfistclosedandyourthumbpointingupthethumbnailfacingyouIfyouneedsupportforthearmplacetheclosedfistofyourlefthandattherightarmpitYoumayalsobendtherightkneeanduseyourkneetosupportthearm
2 Locateadistantobject(atleast10feetaway)ateyelevelasafocalpointandplaceyourthumbnailwithinthelineofvisionbetweenyoureyesandthedistantobjectoffocusTheobjectbeingfocusedonshouldberelativelysmallsuchasadoorknobarockoradrawnblackdot
3 Focusonyourthumbnailfor1minute
4 Shiftyourfocustothedistantobjectfor1minute
5 Shiftbacktoyourthumbnail
6 Repeattheprocessofswitchingthefocus3times(6timesintotal)Avoidblinkingthroughouttheexerciseifyoucan
Suggestedtime Including1minuteof focusandthreeswitchesbetweenfocalpoints thepracticetakes6minutes
Benefits
ItstimulatestheopticnerveswhichpromptsthefunctionsofthepinealglandTheresultingbalancedlevelsofmelatonintendtoregulatemanybiorhythmsincludingthesleep-wakecycle
Ithelpsregulatestressbyinfluencingthefight-or-flightreactionandmodulatesthe
immunesystem
Itincreasesnervousstabilityremovesinsomniaandrelaxestheanxiousmind
Itimprovesthememoryandhelpstodevelopgoodconcentrationandstrongwillpower
Spirituallyitawakensajnachakra
Precautions
Alwaysavoidunnecessarystrain
Betolerantofdifferentexperiencessuchasseeingtwothumbsortwodistantfocalpointsmdashtheseexperienceschangewithtime
Contraindications
Thosesufferingfromglaucomashouldbesensitivetopainandmodifythepracticeasneededbyreducingthetimefocusingorthenumberofchangesbetweenfocalpoints
Many practitioners report falling asleep before completing a full round ofConcentrated Gazing With steady practice cosmic rhythms soothe the bodyhelping it remember when to sleep and when to stay awake The wisdom ofhealthy grieving lives more in the Spirit than in the mindWorking with thepineal gland is important for its connection with ajna chakra the third eyewhere we view life through awakened intuitive knowledge Our Spirit knowsthatthingsendandourbodiesareaccustomedtoprocessingendingsconstantlyyetitisourmindsthatwantthethingsweareattachedtotobewithusforever
ConcentratedGazingalsooffersasymbolicopportunity to takea lookathowwewant totransition through the next steps of our lives The two focal points one close and onedistant serve as symbols of the situations we go through when grievingWhen the oldrealityisnotthereanylongerandthenewoneisnotyetknownourcontrollingmindshavea hard time waiting The negative anticipatory thinking indicative of the limbic systemrsquosinvolvement ingriefmakesusperceivetheprojectednewrealitynegatively It fillsuswithideassuchasthinkingthatnoonewillloveusasmuchorthatnojobwilleversuitusinthesamewayThatmightbetrueorcompletelyfalseandwecanrsquotknowyetInthemeantimewe can only trust the journey and accept that changewill come Shifting focus from thethumbnail (our present situation) to the chosen distant point (the new reality to bediscovered)symbolizesthejourneyahead
DecidingonwhatcouldbethedistantfocalpointcanbeveryusefulindeterminingthenextstepsofthejourneyYoucanchooseapicturerepresentativeofhowyouwouldliketofeelinthefutureorthehouseyouwouldliketohaveorthejobyouwouldliketogetPlaceitinthedistancesowhenyouswitchtothatfocalpointyouareaddingintentionandmeaningtoyourpracticeDecidingwheretostartandwheretoend(with thedistantorclosefocalpoint)canaddstrengthtoyourabilitytomeetyourselfwhereyouareandtoyourprecisionindefiningyourfuture
Sometimes the eyesget tiredor strainedwhenpracticing this technique Ifthishappensrubthepalmsofyourhandstogetherthenbringthecuppedhandstoyoureyesandenjoythewarmthanddarknessthatcansoothethem
After acknowledging the reality of your loss identifyingwhere you are inthepresentmomentandbeginningtounderstandwhereyouwouldliketobeinthe futureyoucanpracticea technique thathelpsyoucontrolyour immediateenvironmentandeffectivelycalmsthemind
ControlIsSomehowPossibleOneoftherealitiesofgrief is that inmostcases thelosswasprobablyoutofourcontrolEvenwhenthelossistheresultofachoicethesubsequentsufferingisoftenunavoidableIfwehadcompletecontrolwewouldneverloseanythingnorwouldwechoosetosuffer
When confronting the challenges of grief themind and the body both gothrough symptoms thatmimic our discomfortwhen facedwith loss of control(difficultybreathingmuscletensionetc)Byactivelyengagingbothmindandbody through yoga exercises we can immediately bring back some sense ofcontrolintoourlivesOurmostimmediateconnectiontolifeisourbreathandbringingbalancetoitcanbeachievedbypracticingAlternate-NostrilBreathing
Alternate-NostrilBreathing(NadiShodhanaPranayama)
YoumaynotknowitbuttherightnostrilandtheleftnostrilrarelycarrythesameamountofairTrythissimpleexerciselickyourindexfingerinhaleandbringyourfingerclosetoyourrightnostrilwhileexhalingthenrepeatwiththeothernostrilWellUnlessyouareindeepbalanceatthistimeoneofthemcarriesmoreairthantheother
1 Sitinacomfortablepositionwiththeheadandspineuprightandtheleftarmbentoveryourbellysothattherightelbowcanrestontheleftforearm
2 HoldthefingersofyourrighthandinfrontofyourfaceResttheindexandmiddlefingersgentlyonthecenteroftheeyebrowsBothfingersshouldberelaxedPositionthethumbnexttotherightnostrilandtheringfingernexttotheleftnostrilThelittlefingershouldbecomfortablyfolded
3 Inhalethenclosetheleftnostrilwiththeringfingerandexhalethroughtherightnostril
4 Inhalethroughthesamerightnostril
5 Unblocktheleftnostrilandclosetherightonewiththethumb
6 Exhalethroughtheleftnostril
7 Inhalethroughthesamenostriltheleft
8 Unblocktherightnostrilandclosetheleftonewithyourringfinger
9 Exhalethroughtherightnostrilandinhalethroughthesamenostril
10 Continuethealternationonlychangingnostrilsaftertheinhalation
Suggested time5minutesofAlternate-NostrilBreathingplus5minutesofSingle-NostrilBreathingifdesired
Benefits
Itinducestranquilityclarityofthoughtandconcentration
Itincreasesvitalityandlowerslevelsofstressandanxietybybalancingtheflowoflifeforce
Itclearslifeforceblockagesandbalancestheflowinbothnostrils
Carbondioxideisefficientlyexpelledandthebloodispurifiedoftoxins
Itpromotesspiritualawakening
Precautions
Avoidforcingthebreath
Donotbreathethroughthemouth
SometimesonenostrilmaybeblockedpreventingtheeasyflowofbreathIftherightnostrilisblockedmakeafistwithyourlefthandandplaceitunderyourrightarmpitPressupagainsttheunderarmbringingyourrightarmdownContinuetopracticethiswayfor3minutesThenremovethehandRepeatfortheleftsideasnecessary
Contraindications
None
In yoga the right nostril relates to the sun masculinity activity givingdaytime extroversion social life partying The left relates to the moonfemininity passivity receiving nighttime introversion spiritual life restingWhen experiencing anxiety your right nostril is more engaged the oppositeoccurs when you are depressed or depletedmdashthe left nostril carries more airMaking the air go through both nostrils alternately brings your system into amorebalancedrelationshipbetweenyouractiveandpassiveaspectsoftheselfinfluencingthewayyouexperience thepresentsituation ItallowsthemindtocalmandtapintothealternationofallthingsThiscanhelpyoutrustthateventhoughyouarenowanxiousyouwilleventuallyrelaxandifyouaresadyouwilleventuallybehappyagain
The rightnostril also corresponds to the sympathetic energizingbranchofthe autonomic nervous system The left nostril is related to the relaxingparasympatheticbranchthatusuallyprevailswhenoneisgrievingBalancingtheactivity of these two aspects of your nervous system reestablishes the lost
equilibrium regulating your functions and balancing your reactions This isassuredlyamuchmorestablewaytorespondtoyournewenvironment
Practicingbreathingthroughasinglenostrilmdashprovidedthatitrsquosnotdoneformore than 5 minutesmdashcan bring surprising changes to your emotional stateenergizing you when yoursquore feeling depressed and calming you when yoursquorefeelinganxiousMentallyyoucangainamorepositiveperspectiveorcalmtheconstantchatterof thoughtswithAlternate-NostrilBreathingGiven thepowerofthistechniquethedirectiveofdoingamaximumof5minutesrsquoworkwithonenostrilistobetakenseriouslyPleaseknowthatexceeding5minutesrsquotimecanresult in difficulties negotiating the altered state and rebalancing your energyproperly
In general retaining the breath either in or out is another possiblemanipulationofthebreathwhenpracticingpranayamaOnapsychologicallevelithelpsusperceiveanddealwithtwooppositetypesofanxietiesretainingthein-breathrelatestotheanxietyweexperiencerelatedtolifetoitsfullnesstoitsintensityretainingtheout-breathrelatestoourfeelingsaboutdeathingeneraland particularly our own deathsWhile practicingAlternate-NostrilBreathingnotice if you are holding your breath at the end of the inhalation or theexhalationandseeifitrelatestoyourfeelings
Voluntarilymanipulatingtheactiveandpassivewithinyouhelpsyouacceptthat change is the norm that all things fluctuate and that change is possiblewithinyourselfNomatterwhereyouareinyourgrievingprocessyouwillnotbe in the same place in the future regardless of what things look like in thepresent moment Switching willingly from one nostril to the other andwitnessingthechangehelpsyourmindintegratethenewsituationaspartofyourever-changinglife
After witnessing the varying symptoms of grief and starting to use yourbreathtobringbackasenseofcontrolyouarenowreadytofullyrelax
BringingCalmtoaScatteredMindandaDistressedBody
GriefisstressfulThereforeastateofrelaxationiscrucialandyetthisstateisdifficulttoaccessmostofthetimeThestress-relievingeffectsofyogaaresomeofthemoststudiedfeaturesofthedisciplineandareveryusefulwhengrievingEven though any relaxation technique could work and would be good myintention in including a self-relaxation technique is to empower individuals to
use their ownmeans to relaxThe first lesson of loss is to not depend on thepermanenceof thingsmdashwhich iswhyanexternal sourceof relaxation suchassoothingmusicoraguidedrelaxationonaDVDwhilebeneficialwouldnotusethenewlyacquiredinformationtoourmaximumbenefit
Self-RelaxationTechnique(AngaShaithilya)
1 LieonyourbackwithyourpalmsfacingupBringyourawarenesstothebreathFindthenaturalrhythmofyourbreathbreathinginandoutslowlyandsteadilythroughthenostrils
2 Nowbringtheawarenesstoyourfeet
3 Inhaleexhale
4 InhaleexhalerepeatingtoyourselfsilentlyldquoMyfeetarerelaxedrdquo
5 Bringawarenesstoyourlegs
6 InhaleexhaleWhileexhalingrepeatsilentlytoyourselfldquoMylegsarerelaxedrdquo
7 Bringawarenesstoyourpelvis
8 InhaleexhaleWhileexhalingrepeatsilentlytoyourselfldquoMypelvisisrelaxedrdquo
9 ContinuethepracticebyrepeatingthesamepatternforHands
Arms
Shoulders
Back
Torso
Neck
Face
Head
Mind
10 EndbyrepeatinginternallyldquoIamcompletelyrelaxedrdquothreetimes
Suggestedtime10minutes
Benefits
Itrelaxesthebody
Ithelpsthemindrelax
Itcombatsthestressfuleffectsofgrief
Itreplenishesthegeneralenergylevelofthebodycombatingfatigue
Precautions
Doyourbesttomemorizethetwelvebodypartsincludedinthetechniquetoavoiddistractionswhilepracticingit
Contraindications
None
Using a technique that offers relaxation with deep detailed awareness ofoneself and that is grounded in the rhythm of the breath is a great way tointegrate other exercises of the practice in the relaxation Notice that thisexercise follows the samebodyorder as theEnergyFlowSeriesOpening thepracticewiththedirectivetostayconnectedwithyourbreathrhythmisanotherformofBreathMeditationTherepetitionofldquoMy___________isarerelaxedrdquoisnothingotherthantheactivepracticeofResolve(seethefollowingexercise)
Be prepared to hear the mind voicing statements such as ldquoI canrsquot relaxbecause Ihave to rememberwhatpart isnextrdquoTo remedy thismemorize thepartsbeforepracticingandyoucanavoidthisinterruptionThistechniquehelpswithmanyofthesymptomsofgriefincludingphysicalpainItgivesthebodyanopportunity to take a rest from the depleting hyperactive symptoms of theemotionalstressandreplenishitselfRelaxingthebodyalsohelpsthemindcalmdownandreducetheconstantmentalchatterallowingyoutofocusonplantingtheseedsofyournewlifethroughResolve
DissolvingOldPatternsandReprogrammingtheMindwithIntention
Yoga acknowledges the principle of pronoia a neologism coined by modernphilosophersexpressinganoldtruthItstatesthattheUniverseisconspiringinour highest good This is the polar opposite of paranoia which in essenceinvolvesthebeliefthattheUniverseisconspiringagainstus
Formostofhumanity thelatterconceptprevailsasanaccuratedescriptionof a world that is not at all supportive and comes after us loaded withjeopardizingintentionsYogarecognizesthisasfalseandmakesitclearthatthewholeprocessstartswithanideainourmindYogastatesldquoWecreatethemoldandthentheUniverseisinchargeoffillingituprdquo
Resolve(Sankalpa)
ThetranslationofthewordsankalpaisldquoresolverdquoorldquoresolutionrdquoItreferstotheapplicationofwillpowerthroughaconsciousdecision-makingprocessIttakestheformofashortmentalstatementwhichisimprintedbyrepetitiononthesubconsciousmindSankalpainfluencesthewaythingsaretohappenwithdeterminationandintention
Thestatementrepresentsamoldthatoncecreatedallowsfor theprovidentialpowersoftheUniversetohelpmanifestationoccurRememberyouaretheonlyoneactuallycapableofmakingyourownmoldThewordsankalpareferstoboththenameofthetechniqueaswellasthecontentofthestatementitself
1 Thinkoftheperfectwayinwhichyouwantanintentiontomanifestandthenstateitinasuccinctphrasethat
isexpressedinpresenttense
avoidsusingthewordldquonordquoortermsthatexpressnegativeconceptsForexampleldquoIwillnotbesinglerdquoshouldbereplacedwithldquoIammarriedrdquo
2 SitcomfortablywithyourhandsonyourkneesBreathenormallyacknowledginganyoutsidethoughtthatarisesandletitgoInhalethenontheexhalesayyourstatementtoyourselfbeingfullypresentwitheachindividualwordofthestatement(Youmaypauseaftereachword)
3 TakeadeepbreathandmovetothenextrepetitionWithyoureyesclosedcontinuerepeatingyourstatementThenbreatheinandoutoncewithoutrepeatingthestatementWhendoneopenyoureyes
Suggestednumberofrepetitions3times
TheconceptthistechniquereferstoisinthecoreoftheoldsayingldquoAskandyeshallbegivenrdquotowhichIrsquodliketoaddldquoifitisintheorderofthingsrdquoWhy
ManypeopleaskforthingsthatarenotwithintheUniversalorderandthenblamethesystemratherthanacknowledgingthattheirignoranceoftheorderistherealreasonthingsdidnotmanifestByldquotheorderrdquoImeanthesystematicandpreciseway inwhich thingswork in theUniverseand that is reflected insuchtruthsasldquoNothing ispermanentrdquoAll thingsend regardlessofwhetherwearethinking of a vase a day or a thought Without this acknowledgment whenasking for something to remain themechanism sparked by sankalpa will notworkandtheUniversewillnotsupportourpetitionIfIrsquomfifty-fourIcanaskforldquoyouthfulfiftiesrdquobutIcanrsquotasktobefifteenagainmdashitsimplywonrsquothappen
Byclearlyidentifyingwhattoaskforandhowtophraseitweengageinasimplewayofjump-startingtheprocessofmanifestationEventhoughmostofushavewantsitissurprisinglyhardforpeopletoactuallyexpresstheirwishesinanexactwayInmyyearsofusingResolveIhavehadtoworkdiligentlytohelp individuals identifywhat theywantbyspendinghourssorting throughallkindsofmisunderstandingsoldprogrammingandstalebeliefs
Prior to identifyingwhat wewant we usually namewhat we donrsquot wantwhat we fear why we should not want it and so forth This means that ourmindsareabsolutelyfullofalltheseotherconsiderationsandinthemeantimetheUniverseisbusyfillingupthecorrespondingmoldsasitcompetentlydoes
Thisiswhywemanifestwhatwefearandthisisalsohowwemanifestwhatwe donrsquotwantAs youmight know ldquoYou can never get enough ofwhat youreallydonrsquotwantrdquoIfyourmentalprogrammingmdashandcreatedmoldmdashisldquoIrsquomnotgoingtoget that jobrdquoorldquoIrsquodlovetoget that jobbut therearesomanyotherswho are better preparedrdquo then the Universe will accommodate you with anopportunity of losing that job It might seem like an extremely minusculesemanticdeviationbuttheconsequencesresultingfromsuchmisunderstandingsare also extremely clear (See the sidebar that follows ldquoAiding the PracticeThroughJournalingrdquoforaneffectiveapproachtonamingwhatwewant)
TosayldquoIamnotunhappyrdquoisverydifferentfromsayingldquoIamhappyrdquoandbelieveme theUniverse is listeningpreciselyTounderstandwhyprecision isimportantletmesharewithyouanoldstoryfromIndia
AidingthePracticeThroughJournaling
As a simple exercise think about what you want and write yourstatementdescribingitthencontinuetowritedowneachmodificationof the statement as you develop it Make no judgments write no
ldquoshouldsrdquomdashjust write what comes up You will probably see apathway amental roadmap that you have been following thatwillrevealyourmisconceptionsKeepinmindthatwhenyouarriveattheldquorightrdquo statement a subtle ldquoeye-smilerdquo appears a slightwidening ofyour forehead accompanied by a sense of ldquoEurekaThis is itrdquoThatfeelingisclearlyidentifiablenoquestionsaskednodoubtsaboutitmdashit is resonating inside of you as accurate Until that ahamoment ofrecognitionkeepworkingonyourauthenticexpressionyourpersonalResolve Know that you are actually working on your innermostwishesandthatyouareultimatelydeterminingyourfuture
After you have come up with your statement and you arepracticingrepeatingitIsuggestyoualsojournaltheinternalresponsesandconsiderationsyourmindcomesupwithItisnormaltolistentotheinternalvoicechallengingyourstatementswithphrasesthatdenotethe adverse reality the one you are trying to modify Since themanifestation process is happening regardless if the statement is ldquoIhaveapartnerrdquo and themindcomesupwith ldquoYouare lyingnoonewouldloveyourdquotheideamoldreadytobefilledupisthelatterYoumaydiscoverthatwhatrsquoswrittenactuallyrevealsyourpresentmentalprogrammingthatyouarereallynotworthloving
Byattendingtoyourbodycalmingyourmindandexploring thenatureofyourdesiresonadeeperlevelyouarenowtrulyreadytogowithin to practiceBreathMeditation and leave everything up to theUniverse
AcouplebothagesixtyandstillmarriedafterfortyyearsfindagenielampWhentheyrubitthegenieappearsandcomestolifeThegeniespeaksldquoLadyyourwishesshallbegrantedWhatwouldyoulikerdquo
ldquoIwantenoughmoneytogoaroundtheworldtwicewithmyhusbandrdquothewoman responds In an instant the geniemanifests a briefcase full of enoughmoneyforthebothofthemtogoaroundtheworldtwice
ThegeniethenturnstothegentlemanandsaysldquoSiryourwishestooshallbegrantedWhatwouldyoulikerdquo
ldquoIrsquod like to have a wife thirty years younger than merdquo replies theopportunistThegeniethenrespondsbyturningthemanintoaninety-year-old
Thelessonofthisstoryistobeveryclearandprecisewhenaskingforwhatyou want otherwise you may end up getting what you really donrsquot want
Resolve is the mechanism that kick-starts the process of manifestationThoughtfully identifying and defining an idea can and will act as a guidingprinciple a lighthouse in the darkness of your emotional storm Then youractionsthoughtsandspeechcanaimintheproperdirectionandstartbringingtofruitionwhatuntilnowhaslivedonlywithintherealmofyourwishes
OpeningtoSpiritThismeditationtechniquecanbeseenasthesimplestofallbreathingexercisesthebasisofallourworkBesidesthespiritualbenefitsandeffectsstayingwithyourownbreathisapowerfulwayofbeingpresentandindeepconnectionwithyourlifenotdrawninbythepastorcontemplatingthefuture
BreathMeditation
1 Sitinacomfortablepositionwiththespinestraightandthehandsrestingonyourkneeswiththepalmsfacingupward
2 Staystill
3 BringawarenesstoyourbreathFeeltheairgoinginandoutsoftlythroughyournostrils
4 Remainpresentforeachinhalationandeachexhalation
5 AstheminddriftsoffbringitbacktoyourbreathAsifyouareplacingpaperboatsonastreamofwaterplacethedistractingthoughtsintheoutgoingstreamoftheexhalation
6 Remainconcentratedonyourbreathandonlyonyourbreathexhalingeachdistractingthought
Suggestedtime5to10minutes
AlthoughitisanextremelysimpletechniquetheexecutioncanprovetobequitedifficultYourabilitytoremainconcentratedonthebreathispermanentlychallengedbyyourveryactivebodyandunstoppablemindYoucanstartfullofintentionandfindyourselfoutonalimbafteronlyafewbreathcycles
Fortunatelyyourbreathisconstantandyourneedtotakethenextin-breathisunavoidablesobringingthemindbacktothebreathisrelativelysimpleKeepcomingbacktothebreathwithtimeyoursquollseethatyourdeparturesarescarcerandthatasyoustaywithyourbreathacertainsenseofcalmnessandfulfillmentappears
You are now developing the skill to stay present with yourself to keepyourself company and bring ease when feeling abandoned Irsquove stated beforethat when grieving you should focus first on the Spirit because the body is
profoundlyengagedin its reactionandthemindisshatteredandscatteredForthis reason meditation and its ability to help you connect with your Spiritbecome a key element of the practice Thoughmeditation can be challengingwhenyouareexperiencingacutegriefitisanactivitythatwillgentlyleadyoutothesourceofknowledgeyouintendtotapinto
Now that you have read how to perform each practice and understandgenerallyhowthetechniquesservetoallaysomeofthesymptomsofgriefyouprobablywant to get started and figure out how to incorporate these practicesinto your life There are some important questions to ponder as you start tointegratesomeoftheseexercisesintoapersonalpractice
The next chapter considers what exercises you should include howmuchtime you should spend practicingwhether you should practice by yourself orseek help how long you should practice and other practical detailsWhetheryouareanexperiencedyogapractitionerorjuststartingoutwhetheryouhavejust begun to cope with some of your grief symptoms or at the end of theprocess the next chapter will help you to integrate the techniques into yourpersonalpractice
Chapter5
DesigningtheLogisticalAspectsofYourPractice
There is a famous quote usually attributed to the great German philosopherJohannWolfgangvonGoethe(1749ndash1832)
ldquoUntil one is committed there is hesitancy the chance to draw backConcerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementarytruth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plansthatthemomentonedefinitelycommitsoneselfthenProvidencemovestooAllsortsofthingsoccurtohelponethatwouldneverotherwisehaveoccurredAwhole streamofevents issues from thedecision raising inonersquosfavorallmannerofunforeseenincidentsandmeetingsandmaterialassistancewhichnomancouldhavedreamedwouldhavecomehiswayWhatever you cando or dreamyou cando begin it Boldness hasgeniuspowerandmagicinitrdquo(emphasisadded)
What a beautiful way of presenting the universal principle of pronoia Itexplains the mechanism of manifestation and emphasizes a key aspect tocommit towhatwewantThe resultingactionsactuallyhelp thebrain reshapeitselfthisisneuroplasticityatitsbestThroughthefruitsofourcommitmentwecanestablishnewneuronalconnectionsthatwill leadusnottowherewethinkweshouldbeorwherewedonrsquotdesiretobebutwherewetrulywanttobe
As you now ponder how to implement the techniques I shared in theprevious chapter and embark on your personal practice I ldquore-mindrdquo you thatyourcommitmentisessentialByacceptingyourlimitationsandneedsyouareactually making your commitment feasible Be realistic commit to what youcananddoit
SettingtheIntentionTherearetwophilosophicalconceptsfoundinTheYogaSutrasofPatanjalithatcanbetranslatedasldquopracticerdquoThefirstoneabhyasareferstoamoregeneral
all-encompassing method of practice that involves lifestyle choices thoughtsspeech and actions Abhyasa brings us greater tranquility or peace of mindSadhana thesecondconceptcanalsobedefinedaspracticebut itpertainstothe actual techniques or exercises that are performed on a regular basis toachieve an overall enhancement ofwell-being Taken together these conceptscanhelpusunderstandwhatitmeanstotrulypracticeyoga
As you begin to apply the traditionalmovements breathing exercises andcleansingtechniquessettingasideanhourahalfhourorwhatevertimeyoucandedicatetoestablishingaregularpracticeyoumayrealizethateachbreathcanbe an opportunity for transformation My hope is that as you integrate thesetechniquesintoyourdailylifeyourlifeitselfbecomesthepractice
ShouldYouPracticeAloneorUnderGuidanceJustasyouareasolitarybeinginthemidstofacrowdedcitystreetpracticeispersonalregardlessofhowmanymorearepracticingwithyouInancienttimespracticing yoga based on a book like the one you are reading without livecontactwithateachermasterorguruwasunthinkableEventhoughyogawascommonlypasseddownwithinthecontextofthefamilyfromonegenerationtothe next there is an essential trinity thought to lead to a successful spiritualjourney It includes the individual (you)GodorSpirit and thegurumdashtheonewholeadsthewayafterhavingwalkedithimselfmanytimesbefore
IntodayrsquosworldpeoplemaypracticethroughtheguidanceofabookorbyfollowinginstructionsprovidedonaDVDorahow-tovideoontheInternetItisan essential principle inyoga therapy that the interactionwith a therapistwhocanmonitorthestudentrsquospracticeisanimportantaspectaddingstrengthtothetechniquesandensuringsafetyfortheYogapractitioner
Grief is so powerful that in working with the dynamics activated by theYoga techniques itwould be advisable to seek out a qualified professional atfirst By ldquoqualifiedrdquo I mean either a yoga therapist well versed in griefcounselingoragriefcounseloror therapistknowledgeableaboutyogaand itsuseinthetherapeuticprocessBecauseyogahasbeenembracedbyanumberofprofessionals in recent years other therapists such as social workers hospicenurseschaplainsandotherswhoworkwithgrief-related issuescanbe trustedsources for guiding you through this work Even a financial adviser whounderstandsaboutthephysicalsymptomsofgriefandhowtoaddressthemcanmean the difference between wealth and poverty when for example dealingwithfinancesafteradivorceSuchatherapistmdashwhileencouragingastudentto
practiceathomeencounteringtheldquoteacherwithinrdquomdashwouldalsohelphimorhernavigatethedifficultemotionsencounteredinthegrievingprocess
Yoga practice can be a very subjective experience often having differentresults indifferentsettingsShouldyoudecidetodothepracticeonyourownwithoutprofessionalguidanceremembertobesensitiveandrespectfulofyourneedsandabilitiesMonitor theeffectsof the techniques soyoucanuse themappropriately when needed Tune into the results charting them as a validindicatorofthedevelopmentofyourprocess
IsItBettertoPracticeIndividuallyorinaGroupWhile all yoga is therapeutic yoga therapy thrives on personal individualizedpracticeespeciallyat thebeginningstagesof the therapeuticprocessWorkingwith a qualified therapist familiar with integrating yoga as part of his or hertoolbox is wholeheartedly advised Either in a group setting provided such agroupisavailableinyourcommunityorprivatelychoosewhicheverbettersuitsyourneeds
Workingindividuallyprovidesfocusedattentiontotreatmentoffersinputonadapting your practice to meet specific needs and avoids interference fromothersinaclassOntheotherhandpracticinginagroupallowsyoutowitnessotherbereavedindividualsgrieveinwaysthatmaybebothprofoundlydifferentandstrikinglysimilartoyoursCombatingthetendencytoisolatethisaspectofsocialization can help normalize your relationship to your own grief whileofferingasupportnetwork
InmyYoga forGrief Relief groups all three aspects commonly found intraditional grief support groups are included education support and socialnetworking Education serves the purpose of normalizing grief by sharinggeneralinformationregardingthegrievingprocessWealsolookathowgriefisaddressed in different cultures and time periods Support is establishedwithinthe environment the group provides It encourages authentic communicationregardingourgriefandserves tomodelhealthy interactions tobereplicated inthe outside world The social networking aspect encourages positive personalinteractions that increasewell-being for those of us listening aswell as thosesharingWhenoneisfeelingdepletedandwithoutmuchtogivelendinganeartothoseexpressingtheirgriefcanbeanempoweringexperience
IsItSafetoDoThisPracticebyYourself
MostofthetechniquescanbepracticedsafelyonyourownprovidedyoureadthesectionsdedicatedtocontraindicationsPleaseidentifyanypresentconditionthat may require caution when you practice the exercises This makes atremendousdifferencebetweenan exercisebenefitingyouorbeingharmful toyou
ThatsaidtheWindmillistheoneexerciseforwhichdiscretionmustbeusedwhen practicing alone TheWindmill is a key technique of the program andalthough the slow version is safe for most individuals the semifast and fastversions of the Windmill quickly access deeply held emotions and buriedphysical feelings I suggest that a competent professional trained in thisworkshould monitor both the practice itself as well as the outcomes If you areworkingwithayoga-savvycounselor thenyour therapyprovidesanoutlet forsharing your experience after practicing at home The Windmill is the mostactiveexerciseandtheonebestabletobringstrongfeelingstothesurfaceTheemotionselicitedduringthegrievingprocessare therawmaterialsyouusefortransformation
Someofyoumighthaveanexistingpersonalyogapracticeandwanttoaddsome of my recommended techniques to your routine Although this cancertainlybeeffectivekeepinmindthatthetruestbenefitsofthisprogramoccurwhenpracticedsequentiallyinitsentiretyByexperiencingtheroutinefullyyoucantheneffectivelyassesswhattoaddtoyourpracticeandwhyIfyouchoosetoembarkonasolopractice thenyouneed toconsidersomeof thefollowingimportantlogisticaldetails
WhichExercisesAreBestforMeWhethertoperformtheentirepracticeorpartsofitdependsonwhatyouwouldlike to accomplish howmuch time you have and howmuch knowledge youpossess of yoga and of yourself The entire practice can be accomplished inninety minutes and is inherently balanced covering issues that most grievingindividualsneed
CompleteBreathingpreparesyourmindandbodyfor themagnitudeof thegrievingprocesstheEnergyFlowSeriescreatestheconditionsforhealinganddrawsyourawarenesswithintheWindmillbringsfeelingsandsensationstothesurface sparking the process of transforming your grief into a source of self-knowledge Attitude of Discharging offers an outlet for the raw availableemotions Concentrated Gazing promotes mental focus to restore the normalcircadian rhythms while Alternate-Nostril Breathing offers breath control to
effectivelybringbalanceandcalmtoyourmindTheSelf-RelaxationTechniquehelps decrease the stressful effects of grief allowing optimal conditions forreprogramming your mind through Resolve which uses the newly acquiredknowledgetobegintoconstructanewidentityFinallyyouarereadytositstillinmeditationtodeepentheconnectionwithyourSpirit
Practicing the entire sequence offers you the exponential effect of thecombinedbenefitsofthetechniquesYetyoumaybebetteroffpracticingonlycertainpartsasyoubegintofamiliarizeyourselfwiththeworkMakesureyoucheckwithyourphysicianbeforeengaginginpracticekeepinmindthatyogatherapyisnotasubstituteformedicalattention
Becomingfamiliarwitheachtechniqueanditseffectsonyougivesyoutheconfidence to choose which one works for what is troubling you Again Ireiterateyourmindisbestaddressedthroughbreathworkyourbodyishelpedmost by physical postures and your Spirit thrives with meditation YogatechniquesinfluenceallthreeaspectsofyourbeingYoucanchoosefromeachrealm and come up with a combination that best suits your personal journeyTrustyourinstinctandinnerwisdomtoguideyou
WhereShouldIPracticeWhile it is true thatyogaisbestpracticedinacleanandcalmenvironmentatleast twohoursafteryour lastmealwearingcomfortableclothes far from thechaosoftheworldforatleastninetyminutestheseperfectconditionsarerarelymetThemaincriteria forunderstandinghow toengage in thepractice shouldalways be ldquotomeet yourself exactlywhere you arerdquoYou can then figure outwhichexercisestopracticewheretosituateyourselfwhentopracticeandhowmuchtimeyoucansetasidetopractice
Ifyoudonrsquothavea roomdedicated forpractice thenmovesomefurniturearound tocreatea suitablespaceandbring inanyobjectsor images thathelpyouconnectwithyourintentionThisprocessexemplifieslocatinganewspaceinsideofyourselfSometimeswhenwefeelldquoallovertheplacerdquoinourmindjustcleaning and reorganizing our house starts to positively affect our emotionalintegrationOrderingourimmediatesurroundingsoftenhelpstocalmdowntheinternaldisarrayCandles incense soothingmusic and low lightmayprovideyou with supportive harmonizing associations to make your practice moremeaningful
BeflexibleregardingwhereyoupracticeallowingforvariationsaccordingtoyourlifersquoscircumstancesForexampleifyouareinterviewingforajobthat
couldeasepressingeconomicneedsthenpracticesomecalmingbreathworkinthewaitingroomIfyoufindyourselfstrugglingwithroadragepulloverstopthecarandpracticeLeft-NostrilBreathingThengetbackontheroadwhenyouarecalmandhavelostsightofthatannoyingtailgatermdashyoudonrsquotwanttolosecontrolandcauseyourselfmoregrief
SometimesitisgoodtoenhanceyourpracticebybeingoutdoorsconnectingwithnatureandbringinginasenseofexpansionConverselyifdoingthisseemstoo vulnerably open and distracting and lacks the intimacy you need thenpracticewhereyoucanmoreeasilyaccomplishtheresultsyouareafter
WhenShouldIPracticeStarting thedaywith an extendedpractice deliciouslydedicated tooneself isnotaluxuryweallhaveFeelfreetodowhatyoucaninthemorningthenaddorrepeatsomethinginthemiddleofthedayandthenpracticebeforegoingtobed
TheEnergyFlowSeriesisagreatwaytobothstartandendthedayInthemorning it feels energizing and at night calming preparing you for a goodnightrsquos sleep TheWindmill practicewill elevate the general tone of your lifeforceenergyinthemorningTheAttitudeofDischargingexercisewillhelpyoudischargesomeof theextra tensionaccumulatedduring theday ifdone in thelateafternoonAlternate-NostrilBreathingisagreatmiddaypracticethatbringsbalance to your wildly fluctuating emotions Concentrated Gazing worksefficientlytoputyoutosleepatnightand ifusedinthemorning itresetstheendocrine systemdecreasingmoodswings (Thismaybeespecially importantfor women during bereavement to stabilize and reestablish balance in theirendocrine system and counteract the common disturbances grief imposes ontheir normal menstrual cycle) Choosing the right time to practice helps youadjusttoyournewenvironmentmoreskillfullyandhelpstoprepareyouforthemultitudeofchangesandnewconditionsinyourlifeFromyourfirstin-breathwhen you are born to your last out-breath at the moment of death the timeelapsedisallyoursThedecisionsyoumakeregardinghowtospendthat timeare also yours Use your practice time wisely so it reflects your sense ofownershipofyourtimeandyourrespectforit
ForHowLongShouldIPracticeFinallyintermsofhowlongtopracticeeachtechniqueorhowlongyouroverall
practice should be letme just say this something is better than nothingOursystemsreacttoallwedoandallwethinksodowhatyoucanItistruethatforbestresultsAlternate-NostrilBreathingshouldbepracticedfornolessthanfiveminutes yet a minute alone would also do some work A minimum of threerepetitionsisbetterwhenpracticingtheEnergyFlowSeriesbutonerepetitionalsohasbenefitsWhatisoptimalistousewhatevertimeyoumighthavejustkeepinmindthatthemoreyoupracticethedeepertheeffectswillbe
AnexceptionshouldbemadewithSingle-NostrilBreathingPracticing formore thanfiveminutescanrenderstrongereffects thanyoumaydesireWhenpracticing Left-Nostril Breathing for example you want to feel calmer notdepletedItisokaytopracticeformorethanfiveminutesifneededjustmakesureyoubreakitdownwithaminuteortwoofAlternate-NostrilBreathing
Thesadhanapracticemdashinitsentiretyandfollowingtheguidelinesproposedfor each technique in chapter 4mdashshould take approximately ninety minutesPleaserememberthataccordingtothevariationsandmodificationsyouneedtomakeyourpracticetimewillvarySupplementarytechniquessuchasjournalingandothersofferedinchapter6willalsoalteryourpersonalpracticetime
BecomingfamiliarwiththetechniqueswillallowyoutoknowmoreeasilywhattocalluponandwhenWithregularpracticetheeffectsofthetechniqueswillcomealiveinyouandwillevenhelpyouchoosewhattopracticeandwhenBe sensitive to the daily fluctuations in your actual ability to engage in thetechniquesIfyouspentahalfhourdoingpawanmuktasanayesterdayandyourmusclesaresoretodayreducethetimeandintensityoftheexercisetowhatyoucantolerate
YourPracticeChangesasYouDoPleasebeopentothefactthatyouareundergoingconstantchangeandthereforeyour practice must shift as well to reflect your new needs and abilities Thegrieving process and the tasks ofmourning are not linear your grief changesyourpracticeandyourpracticechangesyourgriefThere iswisdom in lettingyour practice reflect your state of being and adapting it accordingly Thewayyou practice is theway you livewhat you practice now shapes your lifeBemindful of addressing your practicewith the same grace and dignity that youwantforyourself
Perhapsitisaccuratetosaythatyoudidnotsignupforbeingwhereyouarenow andyet hereyouarePractice jump-starts theprocessof transformationSeeyourselffunctioningasthebestoperatorofthesetoolsbyaskingwhatyou
want toaccomplish listening toyourvoicehearingyourbodyrsquosexpressionofits innate wisdom and sensing what you need to do for yourself todaymdashdosomethingtocommittowhatyouwant
Chapter6
TheProcessofTransformation
LynPrashant the founderof IntegrativeGriefTherapy states thatldquowedonrsquotgetoverourlosseswechangerelationshiptothemrdquoAndsheaddsthatldquogriefisour most available untapped emotional resource for personal transformationrdquo(2005)Iwholeheartedlyagreewithher
WhilehonoringourpersonallossesandmourningtherelationshipthatoncewasthetransformationthatwearetalkingaboutinessenceisourownAswebegin to witness the appearance of our new self we slowly recognize thecumulativeeffectsofourdeeptransformativeworkWearenowactuallylookingatourselvesandtheworldaroundusfromanewperspective
This book demonstrates the inner workings of the grieving process IprovidedthespecifictechniquesforthepracticeofstayingpresentandthereforeavailabletotransformyourgriefandencounteritsstrongemotionsthatfiercelychallengeyouThetoolsarenowatyourfingertipswithfocusedawarenessyoumay methodically turn some of the seminal questions yoursquove been askingyourselfintoconcreteactions
ThroughdealingwiththesufferingthatisinherentduringthegriefjourneywehaveanopportunitytouncoverourowntruenatureGriefworkisultimatelyaboutchallengingyourassumptionsaboutlifeldquoWhoamIwithoutherWheredoIgoafterlosingmyhomeWhoamInowthatIrsquovebeenfiredfrommyjobWhatdoesitmeanthatIrsquomstillherenowandheisgonerdquo
In themidst of sorrow the blossoming of a new identitymaymeanmanydifferentthingstoyouOnceyouarenolongergrippedbytheoldattachmentsyoubecome free to explore thedeepestpartsofyourselfAsyouaskyourselfwhatyoudoanddonotneedgriefbecomestheuncannygatewaytohelpgainthetrueknowledgeofself
FindingaNewIdentityAfterLossIdentityconsistsmainlyofourperceptionsofourselvesbasedonthepeopleandthingsweareattachedtoWhenwelosethemwelosepartofwhoweareAndyetlifecontinuesRememberthefeelingsuponwakingupintheimmediatedaysandweeks following a profoundly huge loss The bodymoving in a robotic
way fighting against the lethargy of a tiredmind eyes barely open two feetwalkingtothebathroomoutofnecessity
ThinkofthebodythemastersurvivormaintaininglifewiththeaudacitytocontinuedoingwhatitdoesDespiteourdespairdespiteourdoubtstheamazingintelligence of our body is a powerful testament to the continuation of ourexistence
Imagineakitchenwhereyoursquovecookedforthepasttwentyyearsonewithno ventilation just tiny windows and a stove with slow inefficient electricburners One day the kitchen burns to the ground Because you are hungrybecauseyourbodyneeds fuelyouneed tocontinuecookingPerhapsyoucanimproviseandcookmealstemporarilyinthelivingroomormanageforawhileonanoutdoorgrillbuttheneedforanindoorkitchenispainfullyapparentsoyoumustrebuildit
IsthenewkitchengoingtohaveventilationornotBigorsmallwindowsSlowelectricburnersorquickandefficientgasburnersInordertodefinethesedetailsyouneedtoquestionyourrealneedsanddesireslikesanddislikes
After all you have cooked in that kitchen for years and are familiar withevery detail every nook and cranny The memories of that kitchen may beoverwhelmingly powerful to you but now it is time to start imagining a newmoremodernversionthatwillserveyournewneeds
Needsshift frombasic survival instincts to thoseofa fullermorespiritualvisionofourlifeInterestinglymanyofuswillgravitatetothefamiliardesignoftheoldkitchenButgiventimeforreflectionnewideasandimageswillstarttoemerge thathelpuscomecloser towhowereallyareandwhowewant tobecome
ManyofusidentifywhowearethroughourhomesSometimesthehomeisthought of as an extension of our physical bodies something important toconsider when working with grief Identity is formed through what the bodylearnsfromitsenvironmentThefollowingtwoexamplesillustratethat
Sinceathree-year-oldcannotbuyacarrentahomeorfindajobthechildmustrelyentirelyonanadultcaregiver In thiscase thefatherconstantlyputsdownthethree-year-oldwhenheperformswellButcomplyingwithhisfatherrsquosexpectations can be the difference between life and death Consequently thechildlearnseithertobecomeanunderachieverortohidehisachievementssoasnottoupsethisfather
The survival mechanism that informs the mind is deeply rooted in thewisdomof the bodymaintaining life at all costs Putting our fingers in a live
electricsocketoncegivesthebodyenoughinformationtoavoidgettingshockedagain The body has excellent cellular memory and keeps that survivalmechanism alive Even years later while fixing a malfunctioning socket andknowingthepowerisoffyourbodystillalertsyouinternallywithcautionsignswarningofdanger
When defining ourselves after loss it is very common to repeat oldmechanisms perform the same learned behaviors and chant the same innermonologuebecausethatishowwelearnedtosurviveRepeatingthesebehaviorsgrants us renewed suffering simply because our actions are antiquated and nolongermatchourpresentreality
Wemust revisit the situationwith new eyes identifying our present needsandusingournewlyacquiredskillsmdashtheoneslackingduringtheearlyformativeyears Although old habits are difficult to change respecting their power canactually be life affirmingWecan see them in action and recognize themas asign of the amazing intelligence of our bodiesWitnessing our broken heartrsquosstruggletocopewiththepainoflossandmanagetheaccompanyingsymptomsofconfusionanddisorganizedthinkingisquiteremarkable
Isnrsquot it a superbly opportune time to reimagine a new designwhenwe nolongerhavetheoldkitchenandyetourneedforthefoodthatrsquoscookedinitisasrealasthefirethatconsumeditThisistheopportunityhiddeninthegriefweexperienceThisisthetransformativejourneyIrsquomtalkingabouttheprocessthatcan take us from the void of devastation after loss to the fullness of aconsciouslylivedlife
HowCantheTransformationBeAccomplishedMy opinion is that the journey of discovery is threefold Addressing thesymptoms of our grief constitutes the first step The second involves fullytransitingthegrievingprocessandachievinghealthyresolutionwithitThethirdentails reidentification based on our most intimate spiritual self Having beenstrippedofourpreviousidentitylayingbaretherealcoreofwhowearewearenowinvitedtoapproachthedeepestpartsofourselves
These three portions of the process of transformation are linked but notlinear simultaneously our awareness can shift aswe sense some relief of ourimmediatesymptomsItisimportanttorememberingriefworkthatanyspecificactions taken towardaccomplishing resolutioncanbe repeatedand revisitedatanypointwithrenewedmeaning
The information you need comes as a result of your work and efforts tounderstandandrelatetotheexperienceathandThisprocessinvolvesobservingyour motivations behaviors and feelings This book and the techniquesproposedaredesignedtosupportyouintheprocessoftransformingyourgriefofferingpracticeasthefoundationfortheworkUsingthetoolsyoulearnedinchapter4youcanreapthebenefitsyouareafterNowletrsquostakealookathoweachpartoftheprocessoftransformationworks
TheFirstPartAddressingtheSymptoms
HowdoesaddressingyoursymptomshelptransformgriefImagineyourselfperchedon a rolling hillwaiting to take in a beautiful sunsetwith somedearfriendswhenallofasuddenyouareafflictedwithaterribletoothacheEvenifyou are surroundedby love and support in the presentmoment all you reallywantistostopthepainyouneedadentist
Itisquiteremarkablehowenticedbythepresumptionofthepermanenceofthebodyrsquosvigorandendurancewetakeourownhealthforgranted
Abalancedbodyenhancesyourability to transformgriefWhen the rug ispulledout fromunderneathyoushakingyour foundationand threateningyourstability you can enter into a conversation with the body that will ultimatelyformthebasisofyournewidentityToregainpresencefortheprocessyoumustaddressthedifferentsymptomsparticularlythephysicalones
TheexercisescontainedintheprogramcanhelptakecareofthefirstpartoftheprocessbybringingthesymptomstoalevelofrelativecontrolBypracticingbreathworkyoubecomemorepresentandawareandcanhelp reestablish thenormalrhythmsofthebodyfindingwaysofcontrollingyourmentalstatesandultimatelyyournewreality
PracticingtheEnergyFlowSeriesassuresthepropercirculationoflifeforceavoidingblockagesandfacilitatingfreemovementofconsciousnesswithinbodyandmindThedifferentasanashelpgetridofthetoxicchemicalbyproductsofpain and activate parts of the body where emotional issues tend to promotetensionandstiffnessThespecificactionsperformedintheWindmillbringyourfeelingsto thesurfaceofyourawarenessallowingyoutowitnessandidentifythem and ultimately to better understand how grief manifests in the bodyAttitudeofDischargingofferstheincreasedchargeoffeelingsandsensationsofgriefawayoutConcentratedGazingpromotesbalanceandbettersleep
TheSelf-RelaxationTechniquehelpscombatthestressfuleffectsofgriefanddiminishesgeneraltensioninthebodyguidingyouhometoyournormalsleepcycle Resolve resets the mind so the body can manifest your deepest innerwisheswhileBreathMeditationoffersthecalmstillnessofbodyandmindthatallowstheSpirittoemergemoreclearly
AllpartsoftheYogaforGriefReliefsadhanapreparethebodyandthemindfortheunderstandingofSpiritwhichasIrsquovestatedbeforeisthetruesourceforthefacilitationofgrief
TheSecondPartFacilitatingGrief
Facilitating grief implies making the experience of bereavement moremanageable by following a roadmap such as the one proposed by JWilliamWordeninhisFourTasksofMourning(2009)Employingtheprinciplesofyogacan assist in accomplishing those Letrsquos take a look at some additionalguidelines
Give yourself permission to grieve Some people have a hard timeaccepting thatgrieving isappropriateThereasonsfor these thoughtsareoftenpreconceived ideas about what to expose to others or how much time isacceptable to grievePersonal difficulties such as the fear of beingdefinedbygrief the possibility of feelingworse or the chance youmight trigger othersrsquogriefoftenpreventindividualsfromgrieving
If you care for grieving individuals and provide support space andresourcesdoyoudothesameforyourselfWhenflyingonanairplaneyouaredirected to put your oxygen mask on first in case of an emergency beforehelpingothersItismuchthesameinthegrievingprocessmdashifyougiveyourselfthepermissiontogrievefirstyoucanthenhelpothers
ProvideyourselfwiththetimeyouneedtogrieveInthecorporateworldemployeesaretypicallygivena72-hourldquowindowrdquoinwhichtogrieveAlthoughthereisnoofficialtimesettocompleteourgrievingprocessourmindstendtodictatethatafteroneyearhaselapsedldquoIshouldbedonewithmygriefrdquoSocietalexpectations coupledwith thepressureweputonourselves to resumenormalliving promote the belief that things will be much better in a yearUnfortunately this unrealistic expectation is not only misleading it is alsocounterproductivetomaintainingasenseofhope
ForsomeofusthesecondyearofgriefisevenmoredifficultthanthefirstI
encourage tolerance in allowing the time needed for working well with thecomplex grief experience That permission alone is very important In thenormalcourseofbereavement as timegoesonourgrief frequentlyexpressesitselfasaSuddenTemporaryUpsurgeofGrief(STUGRando1993)sometimesrelatedtoandprovokedbycurrentlifesituationsothertimesshowingupoutoftheblueSTUGscanprovideuswithareflectionofwhereweareinrelationtoourowngriefHowfastweovercomeithowdeepourfeelingsarefeltandhowmuchourbodiesareinvolvedareallindicativeoftheskillswehavedevelopedofthenewpiecesofinformationwehaveunveiledaboutourselves
It is necessary to mention that a prolonged time of coping with thedisruptions of bereavement may be a marker for complicated grief thusrequiring specific interventions All factors need to be taken into account toproperlyassesshowandwhereweareintheverypersonaljourneyofgrief
PracticeactivelisteningwithyourselfHaveyoueverhad theexperienceofsomeonerepeatingbacktoyouwhattheyheardyousayWereyouwide-eyedto hear themessage repeated backDid it sound like your thinkingDid youwonderldquoDidIreallysaythatrdquoThiscommonoccurrencehappensinregularlifeas well as in therapeutic settings A technique called ldquoactive listeningrdquoconsisting of literally repeating a clientrsquos disclosure back to him or her isfrequentlyusedtohelpclientsreflectonthewaystheynametheirownreality
Consciouslyjournalingourthoughtsandexperiencesafteryogapracticeisagood way to allow the process of externalizing whatever comes to mindmdashunobstructed and uncensoredLook at your journal and repeat ldquoWhat I heardmyselfsayingthinkingfeelingishelliprdquoYourrealityislivedanddeterminedbyyouin thewayyou talkabout itandname itHowyoudosodetermineshowyoulive
Resolve is a powerful tool for kick-starting the process of correctingunconscious habits and old behaviors Another creative exercise uses freeassociationtoacquaintyouwithyourtrueselfbyrecordinganaudioversionoffeelingsemotionsandimpressionsListentotherecordingandwriteldquoWhatIheard myself saying ishelliprdquo Just hearing your own voice a more familiarexpression of your inner dialogue offering insights can evokemore powerfulresults
Accept differences in the way you grieve Trying to emulate a familialsocietalorculturalmoldmdashinotherwordsforcingyourselfintoapreconceivedformmdashmaynot serveyoubestGrief isan intimateaffair revealing thedeeperself absolutely unique to each particular individualYourway of grieving the
wayyou love the things you lovemdashthey all speak towhoyou are Find yourway honor it and do it your waymdasheven if it is very different from anyexpectationsyoumighthaveorothersmayimposeuponyou
Consider that your grief might change from one moment to another Youchange just as theworld around you changes andmost important the newlyidentified self feeds off of thisWelcome those changes they reflectwhoyoureally are You grieve each loss differently and you can even experience amultitudeofpolarizedsymptomswithonelossChangesinthewayyougrieveexpress modifications in your mind and indicate that things are in factreorganizing
Even if things get more difficult day in and day out since everythingchanges so toowill that Practice itself is an importantmonitor for assessingchange Identifying the different states of feeling and being aided by certainexercises or combinations thereof are part of the self-knowledge that griefunveils What changed What made the change How can I reach that stateagainThesearesomeofthequestionstoaskyourselfwhileviewingthemanyfacesofyourgrievingprocess
You must facilitate moving through your own griefmdashentirely gently andfirmlymdashinyourownuniquewayDrWordenrsquosfourtasksareapragmaticuser-friendlyreferenceguide toevaluate thecourseofyourgrievingprocessand tolocateyourselfwithinthatcontextNextIofferyousomesuggestionsofhowtouse yogarsquos knowledge and some of the techniques included in the sadhana tomakeyourfulfillmentofWordenrsquostasksappearlessdaunting
ACCOMPLISHINGACCEPTANCE
DrWordenrsquos four tasks presented in chapter 1 are clear and direct Findwaystoaccept theemotionalrealityof the loss(first task)process thepainofgrief(secondtask)adapttoanewrealitywithout thepresenceofthedeparted(thirdtask)andrelocatethelostpersonorobjectsoyoucanembarkonanewlife(fourthtask)
Theyogapracticeoutlinedinthisbookcanbeusedtosupportyourworkonthe tasks For instance remaining aware of the breath during CompleteBreathingandwitnessingwithoutjudgmentanyresistanceyouencountercanbeinstrumentalinleadingtoacceptingtherealityoftheloss
Beawareofdistractingbehaviorssuchasgettinglostinachainofthoughtsrushingtothecomputerorgrabbingthephonewhichservetoavoidfeelingthedepth of what is happening Tolerating the discomfort is a skillful way of
meetingtheunpleasantfeelingsoflossJournalingisoneofthemostwidelyusedformsforreflectiveretellingofthe
factsGoingoverthedetailsagainandrecallingtheeventsthathappenedisoneofthemosteffectivemethodsforgainingacceptanceoflossWhenjournalingthe way youwrite about your reality is a reflection of the way you speak toyourselfaboutitWhenyourelatethefactsinyourjournalalsomakesureyouwrite about your feelingsmdashit is of the essence In order to do this you mustidentifyandexperiencethemandtodosoyoumustbepresent
PROCESSINGFEELINGS
InordertoproperlyprocessfeelingswemustfirstremainpresentforthemThisisoftenoneofthemostdifficultaspectsofgrievingbutitisalsooneofthemost importantWhat does itmean to remain present The actual practice ofbeingpresentvaries according towhich feelingyou focusonbecause feelingsassociatedwithgriefvarywidelyandcanbeofdifferentnatures
We often avoid our yoga practice or falter when the techniques elicit astrongerperceptionofthefeelingsResistanceisyetanothersignofthestruggleso identify your options for staying present Transiting your grief successfullyandestablishingwaystomoveoutoftheintensecenteroftheexperiencetoitsquieteredgesistheworkSincetheonlywayoutofthepainofgriefisthroughityoumustenterandexit theprocessskillfullyBecauseof itspassivenaturesadnessmdashthe most common feeling when grievingmdashallows us to actually sitwithitMostfindsadnessunpleasantandresistfeelingitsoweputupdefensestoeludeit
You can work on ldquositting with sadnessrdquo simply by staying seated inmeditation While meditating our minds tend to wander instead of focusingThat is true for our hearts aswellwe tend to flee from sadness toward otherfeelingssuchasanger
AngerisanactivefeelingandsittingwithitcanbeextremelyfrustratingItasksformentalandphysicalaction It isbestprocessedwhenthe targetof theangerisidentifiedandaneffectivemethodofexpressionisfoundAngerismetwithmanysocietaljudgmentsWearetaughtthatitisnotahealthyfeelingandthatitsexpressionmakesothersuncomfortableandonlyyieldsmoreangerItiscrucial to find an outlet for anger that does not conflict with what we haveaccepted as socially appropriate Instead of aggression I suggest consideringassertivenessasaneffectivealternativewayYoucanforcefullypushsomebodyawayfromyourdoorsteporyoucan lookstraight intohiseyespointingyour
finger at him while saying ldquoYou do not walk into my houserdquo Through thepracticeoftheAttitudeofDischargingangercanpurposefullybeexpressedintheintimacyofyourpersonalworkThistechniqueoffersmodesofexpressionfrom the more general involvement of the full body to the particular ldquoaaahrdquosound that promotes vocalizing the active nature of the feeling When notexpressed outwardly anger can turn inward resulting in self-destructivebehaviorssuchasrelapsingwithaddictionsSometimesangercanpresentitselfasanotherfeelingsuchasguilt
Because it isusually linked to irrational thoughtsguiltneeds tobereality-testedinrelationtothefactsAskyourselfifthereissomethingyoucouldhavedonedifferentlyorifanyactionstakencouldhaveindeedavoidedthelossThenyou should be able to recognize whether you did or did not have anyresponsibility for how things happened If you were indeed responsible thenwhat actionsmight help you to resolve the heavy burden of responsibility Iffeelings of guilt still persist what are they actually related toWhat can thelessonlearnedbe
The palette of possible feelings is vast and unique to each individual Allfeelingsarevalidmdashtheyaretheelementsthegrievingheartiscomposedofandneedtobeprocessedsowecangettoknowourselvesbetter
ADJUSTINGTOTHENEWREALITY
Discoveringhowtoadjusttoanewrealityvariesdistinctlyaccordingtothedetailsofour life situationandhowwe interpret themeaningof the lossThemorethelossthreatensourimmediatesurvivalthemoreimportantitbecomestoimplementbehaviorsforadjustment
For someone whose livelihood depended on who or what has been lostfindingwaystomakeendsmeetandfulfillonersquosmaterialobligationsbecomesofutmostimportanceAfterourinitialsurvival-basedneedsaremetotherneedsgain importance These often manifest as questions that reflect the newlybereaved personrsquos confusion or unfamiliarity with how to approach life afterlossldquoWhoamI ifnotamarriedmanWhoamInowthatIamunemployedWhycontinuetopraysincemypreviousprayerswerenotansweredrdquoByaskingyourselftheseandotherkeyquestionsyoulearnwhoyouhavebecomeandhowtolivemoreconsciouslywithoutthedeceasedAsyouembraceyournewrealitythe practice of Resolve is a solid ally imprinting new mental patterns andresettingoldonesNamingkeyresolutionssuchasldquoIpaymybillsontimerdquoorldquoIgotothegymeverydayrdquoiswhatkeepsthedirectionclear
Thesemental adjustments become effective coping tools for the long-termexperience of grief and bring immediate relief of present suffering Thedependenceon theold realitystarts to fadeawayThisoffersa freshdynamicoutlookthatenhancesindependenceandself-worthjustbykeepingaheightenedanddevotedfocusonthenewlyblossomingself
FACILITATINGEMOTIONALRELOCATIONOFTHEDECEASEDORLOSTOBJECT
Yogaaddressesthefundamentalmisapprehensionoffalseegoidentificationtaking the impermanent for permanent As you locate your place in the newrealitytherelationshiptowhoorwhatyouhavelostchangessignificantlyThisclarificationisessentialforhumblingthethreatenedegoInsteadofsubstitutingtheoldattachmentforanewoneseekanewplaceforyourselfinrelationshiptowhoorwhatyoulostYoucanchoosetofocusonwhoyouarenowwithoutthedepartedperson
BreathMeditationisidealforsupportingtheprocessofemotionalrelocationbecauseit requiresus tappingintoourcore issues theprofoundaspectsofouridentityForthisdeepandintimateworkourbreathmdashourlifeforcefuelingourworkmdashwillcontinuetoserveusuntilwetoodepartfromthislife
Your previous identity as effective anduseful as itwaswas linked to thepast responses andbehaviors relating to theworldrsquos challenges froma formernow-nonexistent timeThenewly forming self-identity is beingbasedonyourrevised inner world with more conscious thoughts positive images andappropriate needs that populate a healthier present The focus of yourembarkationismoresavoringandembracingtheactualinternaljourneyleadingyou home to your true self rather than the external aspects that previouslydefinedyourlife
DETACHEDATTACHMENTAHEALTHYMODELFORTHEFUTURE
After losing their son to an accident involving a drunk driver the Smithfamily started a nonprofit organization to raise funds to create a publicawarenesscampaignonthedangersofdrivingundertheinfluenceofalcohol
The organization offered an outlet for their emotions and created a publicforumforhonoringthelostchildinameaningfulwayThefamilyseemedtakenabackwhenI reminded themthat thenonprofit toowouldonedaycometoanend I explained that for example in the best-case scenario their campaignwould be 100 percent effective and no drunk driverswould exist so nomorefundswouldbeneeded
MyintentionwastomakethefamilyawareofthefinitenatureofallthingsincludingtheirorganizationEventhoughtheydidnotlikeanticipatingtheendtheywerecomfortedwhenIaskedthemtoconsiderthisnewpieceofawarenessasagiftfromtheirson
The ultimate intention of Wordenrsquos fourth task is to continue with thepreexistingbondand to findwaysofestablishinganenduringconnectionwithwhat wersquove lost Interestingly enough most existing models of grief therapypropose establishing new and healthier attachments as away to continuewithlife
IsuggestyouconsideranotherwaytolookatthisonemorecloselyrelatedtotheknowledgeofyogaIcallitdetachedattachmentaveryskillfultoolDoformattachmentsyetkeepfullawarenessofthefactthatwhatyouareattachedtowill inevitably disappear Factoring in the truth of the impermanence of allthingsyoucanestablishnewemotionalbondsthatempoweryoutolivefullyinthe moment with no promise of tomorrow Truly embodying this knowledgecouldeffectivelyfreeyoufromremaininginthepainfulcycleofattachmentAsall things eventually do attachment too must end Reassessing the value ofholding on to a belief that only brings suffering leads us to ask ldquoWhy notsubstitute it with a healthier more reasonable concept that might feel evenbetterrdquo
Thisapproachbridgesthepureandattimesunattainablemodelsoforthodoxyoga with the accommodating processes of Western psychology It offers ahappy medium for making new attachments which is an inherent need thathumanshaveBykeepingawide-openthirdeyeaccessingayogicawarenessofthe impermanence of all things you still allow for loving fully Loving inabsence aswell as in presence affords the opportunity of living fullywith theguidanceoftheyogicprinciplesforexistencereducingfuturesuffering
ThisisperhapsoneofthemostdifficultchallengeshumansreckonwithWeexhibit confusion either mistaking love for attachment or struggling to lovewithout itTheverycoreof the relocationprocesshouses theseedofournewbeing While relocating the deceased is the task we too are finding a newemotional address for ourselves Attributed to the universal integration of allexisting things balance equilibrates all systems simultaneously Performingritualsandengaginginactivitiestohonorthepersonorobjectwelostisintruthfor us The actual benefit gained is wholly for our healingwe can reclaim asenseofwell-beingwhilefacilitatingouradjustmentprocess
RevisitingtheexampleoftheSmithfamilyalthoughthesonmightneversee
thenonprofitorganizationtheyopenedinhisnametheorganizationhelpedthefamilytofindnewpurposeandanewidentity
TheThirdPartFindingtheNewIdentity
ThisiswherethetruegemlieswheretheblessingindisguiseisrevealedIamreferringtothedelightonefeelswhenfindingapotofgoldattheendoftherainbowItistheresultyouarelookingforwhenembarkingonaconsciousgriefjourneyYouopenaportaltoadeeperconnectionwiththeSpirittothespiritualrealm of your existence by integrating fresh information on how the bodyprocessesgriefwithhowthemindunderstandsit
WhenexploringthisnewconnectioneachpersondefinesandrelatestotheSpiritinhisorherownwayThequesttoknowtheSpiritisage-oldDespitethisbookrsquos many attempts to explain what Spirit is and because Spirit is anexperienceapracticemightbewortha lotmore thana thousandwordsLetrsquosuseyetagainanotherusefulpracticefromyoga
FINDINGSPIRITINTHEINNERSILENCE
IrsquovefoundthatpracticingthefirstpartofatechniquecalledantarmounaorldquoinnersilencerdquoisofmuchhelpwhenlookingforadeeperconnectionwiththeSpiritThetechniqueconsistsofsittinginacomfortablepositioninstillnessandwiththeeyesclosedThenhearallsoundsidentifyingloudonesfromsoftonesdistantones from those thatareclosebyknownones fromunknownoneshellipNow switch your awareness to your earsmdashthe outer ear its temperature itsshapetrytofeelthemiddleandeventheinnerearPerceiveyourearshellipNowswitchtheawarenesstoYouthewitnessofthesoundsmdashnotthesoundsnottheearsbutYouthewitnessofallsounds
Aftermasteringthetechniqueusingyourearsyoumaycontinuefocusingonyour feelings and then on your thoughts This technique offers a gradual pathtoward the innermost self it can be thought of as a system for disidentifyingwiththegrosserplanesofrealityTheselfweencounteristheoneweareafter
TheSpiritcanbecalledtheaspectofthebeingthatwitnesseslifethroughaphysicalbodyitisnotthephysicalbodynorthefactsoftheexperienceItistheobserverthatisnotalteredbywhatitobservesjustasamirrorisnotaffectedbytheitemsitreflects
SKILLFULQUESTIONING
Finding thenew identitycanbegreatlyhelpedbyusingoneof thegoldentoolsinyogaatmavicharaorself-inquiryTheessentialquestionoftheinquiryisldquoWhoamIrdquoTheanswercanonlybefoundwithinbyconnectingwiththewitnessbyaskingtheobserverwithinbygettingtoknowyourownSpirit
The question is intended to help you connect with the ldquosubjectrdquo of thisexistence or the ldquoIrdquoWe identify ourselves by the states we go through thethingswepossessandtheobjectswerelatetoAnswerssuchasldquoIamrichrdquoorldquoIamsadrdquoleadtoafalseidentification
Thekindofself-inquiryIrsquomindicating isbestconductedwhenworkingondiscarding the object-based identitymdashwhat I ammdashin order to discover thesubject-basedonewhoIamIt isaquestfor thetrueself inall thatwedo ineverythoughteveryspeecheveryaction
Thereasontoperformself-inquiryisthatwedonrsquotpurporttoknowwhoweareandgriefoffersusplentytodoubtTheskillfulquestioningisnotjustrelatedtowhatfamilyyoubelongtoorwhichcountryyouwereborninratheritseekstounmaskyouressentialidentityasanembodiedSpiritThatpartofyourselfasitrelatestoldquoIrdquoisnotidentifiedwiththephysical
Itconnectsyouwiththepureawarenessofwhoyouareratherthanwhatyouare aware of Bear in mind that the difference between object and subjectappearssubtletousandthatweareinherentlyconfusedaboutthesetworealmsOther clarifying questions are Who is feeling sad Who is experiencinganxietyWho is feeling lonely and fearfulMost grievers do not want to bedefinedbytheirgriefthistechniquehelpsconnectwiththeonewitnessingthesufferingnotthesufferingitself
COGNITIVEREFRAMING
VickiPanagotacos (2012292) agiftedAmericangrief therapist proposesfouressentialquestionstoguidetheprocessofenvisioninganewselfandanewlifebydefiningcertainparametersmostofusneedtodealwithIrsquovefoundthatherquestionsareskillful insupportingagrieverrsquospracticeofatmavicharaorself-inquiryThefourquestionsareasfollows
1 Whatdoyouwanttoincludeinyourlife
2 Whatdonrsquotyouwanttoincludeinyourlife
3 Whatdoyouhaveinyourlifethatyouwanttoeliminate
4 Whatdoyouhaveinyourlifethatyouwanttokeep
PanagotacosproposeswritingdowntheanswersoneeachonseparatepagesIn her therapy practice she dedicates a session to providing a final list to herclients including the answers to question 1 plus the ldquoconverted answersrdquo toquestions23and4(ForexampleldquoIdonrsquotwanttomoverdquoconvertstoldquoIwantto stay where I am livingrdquo [293]) I suggest you convert your answers toquestions23and4thenwriteadocumentwithyourfinallistThesearegreatquestionstoaskyourselftopromoteawarenessofyourpersonaljourneyandtofindyourselfinyournewlifeplans
According toKarenWhitleyBellwhowroteLiving at theEnd of LifeAHospiceNurseAddressestheMostCommonQuestions(2010)oneofthemostcommon comments of dying individuals when asked about what they regretabouttheirlivesisthattheywishtheywouldhavelivedmoreaccordingtotheirdesiresthanothersrsquoexpectationsWhileourlivescanonlybebreathedthroughourownnostrils sometimeswe adopt other peoplersquos beliefs aboutwhatrsquos bestforusandassumethemasguidinglightsItisonlythroughfulfillingtheneedsandthedeepdesiresofourheartsthatwecanachieveourdestinyflowingintheuniversalorderofallexistingthings
AtreedoesnotdevelopbranchesjustforbirdstoperchratherbecausethebranchesformthatisinthenatureofthetreersquosdevelopmentandunfoldingThefact thatabirdcanperchon itsbranch is just soandnot the treersquos reasonforbeing
IfyourpreviousidentitywasbasedonothersrsquoneedsyoucannowredesignandredefineanewbyaccessingoneofhumanityrsquosessentialdesiresldquothedesireforpurposethedrivetobecomewhoyouaremeanttoberdquoasexpressedbyRodStryker (2011 35) ldquoYour long-term happiness and fulfillmentrdquo he continuesldquodependonyourabilitytofulfillyourpersonaldharmaandfilltheplaceintheworldthatonlyyoucanfillrdquo
WhatArethePossibleMeaningsofFindingaNewIdentityAfterLoss
Oneoftheamazingfeaturesofthehumanbrainisitsabilitytoassignmeaningto our experiencesThis is due to the presenceof the neocortex a vast net ofinterconnected neurons that complement the functions of the reptilian braininteractingwiththelimbicsystemandtheemotionalbrainThisemotionalpartof thebrain appeared inmammals only just a fewmillionyears agoSowhat
doesthisprocessoftransformationmeanforanindividualThereisnoshortageofmeanings
FindingaLightattheEndoftheTunnel
Despair iscommoningriefbecausesometimes in thevastdarknessof theprocesswecannotenvisionhowlifecouldpossiblygoonItislikebeingstuckinadarktunnelunabletosenselightattheotherend
Thismetaphor often refers to the impossibility of identifying a solutionorresolution for an existing situation when we are in the thick of it ExistencecontinuesafterlossandsocanweBytrustingthatthereislightsomewhereandthat thedarknessinwhichweareimmersedinthepresentmomentwillnotbethere forever we can relax knowing that in time it too will change likeeverythingelsedoes
ThecaseofoneofmyclientsJoancomestomindFeelingboredpracticingConcentratedGazingsheaskedmetousealitcandleforthedistantfocalpointinsteadofablackdotHerassumptionwasthatthedancingflamewouldpreventherfromfeelingdrowsy
Because she had defined the experience of her grief aswalking through adarktunnelwithnoendIproposedtokeepthisimageinmindasshepracticedThis conscious ldquoshiftingrdquo of attention from her present reality of pain andconfusiontothepromiseofanenlightenedfutureservedasapowerfulmetaphorforJoanPerformingthisformofConcentratedGazingshetookthismetaphorofthelightattheendofthetunneltothephysicalrealmofherpractice
Focusingtheeyeonthedistantobjectbecameasymbolofherwillingnesstoface the unknown future projecting her intention tomove beyond the presentfeelings of pain confusion and isolation Even thoughwemight bemired indarknessanddespairthearcofourvisioncarriesustoadeeperrealityonefromwhichweemergestrongerandwiserThankstothisconsciousworkweareabletoovercomethenegativeanticipatorythinkingthathasensnaredus
WhileteachingaclassattheUniversityofCaliforniandashBerkeleyIoncehearda seasoned therapist share her newly found observation She stated that afterthirty-fiveyearsofcounselingclientsshesawthatalltherapeuticworkisbasedindealingwithgrief
Althoughmostgrievingindividualscertainlywouldpreferaquickfixthosewhochose to laboriouslyengage ingriefworkcanfindhope regain trustand
reducetheirpainEnticedbythepossibilityofabetterlifeonemoreabundantinlightandself-lovetheyrealizethatjustontheothersideoftheveilofdarknessissomuchmorethanmostofuseverthoughtpossibleWeenvisionthepositiveoutcomeofourgriefworka torchthatblazesat theothersidewiththenewlydiscoveredknowledgeofself
ExperiencingRebirth
Sometimestheexperienceofarrivingtoanewselfissointensethatpeoplerefer to it as a new birth or a rebirth This is something Irsquove seen happenparticularlyinthecaseofcancerpatientsPeoplefacingcancerhaveaprimarylossofhealthbuttheyalsofacesecondarylossessuchasthelossoftheabilityto perform familiar activities or the loss of hair due to chemotherapyrsquossecondaryeffects
Once losses have been normalized a surprising number of cancer patientsexpress enjoying newly cherished aspects of life They have reported feelingdeeper gratitude delighting in delicate interpersonal contact embodying adeeper knowing of their personal needs and more actively participating inincreasedcompassionateself-care
ManyperceivethisasanewlifeOftencancerpatientswillrefertothedateofdiagnosisasakindofldquosecondbirthdayrdquo
THEMYTHOFTHEPHOENIX
Thephoenixamythicalbirdthatobtainsnewlifebyrisingfromtheashesofits predecessorThe aftermath of the shockingdevastationof loss is describedusing imagery referring to scorched landscapes after a fire empty colorlessvacant dark and lifeless Using this metaphor imagine what this charredlandscape home to so many different animals plants and trees might havecontainedbeforeTheashescontaintherecordedimprintofthepreexistingfaunaandfloraaswellastheelementsthathelpthesoilbecomemorefertileandthatimprove theoverallhealthof the forestDespite theabsenceofwhatwas losttheirmemoryisretainedconcentratedintheashwhichfertilizestheforestfloorandfacilitatesregrowth
Byremainingpresentforthefeelingsthatcomeupingriefwebecomelikethe phoenix created anew from the ashes left behind by loss In her beautifulshortpieceonthelossofason-in-lawKimberleyPittman-Schulzwritesthatldquoto
grieve one deathmeans always to grieve twordquo (2011 16) This is true for somanyof thepeoplehollowedoutby theirexperienceof lossWhatever timeittakesmdashmonthsoryearsmdashtobecomeawareofhowdeeplyalosshaspenetratedus we have the option of living in honor of the departed or deceased byfollowingourpath
Themythofthephoenixisapowerfuloneforunderstandinghowfromthedepths of the ashes a new being is born rising high above the place of oursorrowanddespairendowedwithnewperspectivesandacquiredwisdom
HonoringtheLegacyoftheDeparted
Other than profoundly negative relationships the severance of whichprovidesreliefmostofuswanttocontinuethebondsfindingwaystohonorthelegacyofwhatwehavelost
MostlywechoosetobelievethatthedepartedwouldpreferustobehappyandtostillfulfillourdreamsIndoingso thisbecomesawayofhonoringthememory and intentions of the departed and a way of staying in contact withthemItprovidesuswithafreshopportunitytoshareournewinformationaboutourselves andour accomplishmentswith thedeceased in a figurativeway thatwebelievewouldmakethemhappy
Itallowsourbodies toengage inanaction thesimpleactionof livingourlivesinabetterwayWecannottouchthehandofalostchildorphysicallyhugalostpetyetwefindnewendeavorstoaccomplishldquoinhonorofrdquoldquoasrelatedtordquoandldquointhenameofrdquothedepartedbringingnewmeaningtotheloss
This can serve us by acknowledging and attending to the unfinishedbusiness and still effect perceptive changes even in our relationshipwith thedeceased
BeinganExampletoOthers
OursocietyisnotcomfortablewithgriefnordoesitoffersuitableoutletsforexpressionoftherelatedfeelingsInsteadgriefoftengetssweptundertherugAcommonbelief is thatwegetoverourgriefwith thepassageof timeNothingcouldbefurtherfromthetruththereisnoldquogettingoverrdquoourgriefanditdoesnot simply fade away with time By being patient with our own process weteachotherspatienceByconsciouslyaddressingoursymptomsweteachothers
about self-care By properly naming our feelings and speaking our truth weteachotherstoheargrieversoutandconsolethem
Finding a new identity after loss requires awareness and presence for themultitudeofinsightsgriefoffersBydoingourworkandsharingourexperiencewebecomeamodelanexamplethatotherscanbenefitfromintheirownlivesSociety loves those characters who are secure solid assertive and exhibitdominionoveruncertaintiesEveryonegravitates toward theherowhohumblyunderstands personal weaknesses has self-reliant qualities and has integratedacquiredknowledgeandwisdom
Aswetransitthegrievingprocessfromourheartsandtheintricaciesofourmindswediscoverourresilienceandstrengthenourskillsdefiningabetterlifeandsettingagoodexampletobewitnessedbyothers
LearningNewWaysofLoving
Our new identity can offer a different relationship between love andattachmentonethatmovesawayfrompresentingthemasequalIonceheardanotedprofessionalsaythatgriefisthepricewepayforlovebutintruthgriefisthepricewepayforattachment
Todifferentiate love fromattachmentwe set anewstandardofpossibilityboth with others and for ourselves Societies flourishing in balance and truthstartwithindividualsandrightnowthatisyouandme
Bymakingloveandattachment thesamewemistake the impermanentforpermanent and insteadof lovingunconditionallywe create the conditions forcodependenceByunderstandinghowtocontinuelovinginthefaceofabsencewe liberate love from itsmaterial basis and liberate ourselves in the processThen love achieves its full force becoming capable of transforming inunexpected ways undoing the old and granting us access to a new way oflovingourselveswithfreedomandrespect
SinkingintotheOrderoftheUniverse
The universal order is already in existence and sinking into it promotesactionsthatreinforcetheprincipleofpronoiawhichdictatesthattheuniverseisconspiring in your highest good in both the internal and externalworlds Theacceptanceofthisfactreestablishesourtrustinlifeandbringsasenseofhope
thatiselusivewhileingriefChangeisaconstantforceintheorderoftheuniverseAsyoubecomeaware
of personal choices that no longer serve you trusting the universal forceactivates conscious envisioning of new more appropriate options AnotheressentialyogictruthexpressesthatldquoalltheknowledgeyouneedforyourlifeisalreadywithinyourdquoConsidering thiscanhelpyoubreak free frompreviouslyheldbeliefsthatcauseresistance
IndoingsoyouremovethefirstofthefivecausesofsufferingasstatedbyPatanjali inTheYogaSutras ignoranceof the truthReplacing ignorancewithknowledgebasedonourpresentrealityisoftangiblebenefittogrievers
Theresultingfeeling issimilar towhatweexperiencewhenweswimwiththe current or when we sleep at night a sense of going with the flowcharacterizedbycomfortandeaseThatdoesnotmeantheabsoluteabsenceofstruggleItsuggeststhataswepracticeweencounteraccommodatingmomentsthatallowus togetcomfortablealongwith thediscomfortor relaxwithin theunrestfeelingeaseinthemidstofcomplexity
Yourecognizethatyouarepartofalargerorganismabundantinactivityandpulsatingwith lifeTheacceptance thatyouarepartofacommunityofotherswhohavehopesdesiresandfearsjustlikeyoudocanbeapowerfulantidotetotheparalyzingisolationofgrief
Youcanchangeanidentityestablishedontheoldmodelofattachmentsandembrace a new one based on the synchronicity of your coexistence with theuniverseMost of thework in yoga is related to understanding this union andallowing it to be lifersquos guiding light Transforming our grief offers theopportunity most of us seek to access to bathe in the universal wisdom andbecome part of the whole This experience changes our life forever in theintimacyofoursolitudeorinthecompanyoftherestofhumanity
GriefiswithoutadoubtthemostintenseinvitationtoacknowledgetheunionofallexistingthingsIhaveknownItnotonlyforcesustolivewithamazinglycontradictoryfeelingsandemotionssuchasldquoIdonrsquotwanttoeverthinkofhimagainmdashIdonrsquotwanttoeverforgethimrdquobutalsobecausewearepromptedtogothroughextremelyoppositeconditionsinourbodiesaswellfromfeelingfullofenergywhenexperiencingtheinitialshockofalosstofeelingdeepfatigueafewdayslaterAsconfusingastheseextremesmightseemtoourmindsourheartsfind solace and relief when able to link these opposing feelings and thoughtswith the word ldquoandrdquo A significant part of the new identity results fromsubstituting the limiting ldquobutrdquo for a more inclusive ldquoandrdquo Just think of how
differentitfeelstohearyourselfsayingldquoIwanttoremarrybutnootherwomanwilllovemethesamewayrdquoversusldquoIwanttoremarryandnootherwomanwilllove me the same wayrdquo The very presence of the word ldquobutrdquo is divisiveseparatingnotconducivetoreconciliationmdashqualitiesthatgrieversneednomoreofOnthecontraryldquoandrdquoisinclusiveunitinganinvitationtoreconcileTheseareallmilestonesforagrieveralonghisorherjourneythroughgrief
Aswe conclude the discussion of how to transform grief into a source ofself-knowledge toward a new identity I would like to revive the image of awindmillasametaphorforthisprocessoftransformationJustasthewindmillbladesaremovedbywindourwholebeingissweptupbythemysteryoflossThisnaturalphenomenon iswhatsparks the transformationofhardgrains intoedible flour just as loss forcesus to transform thedepthsofwhoweareThenewly created flour is the starting point of a future meal just as the newlyacquiredknowledgewehavegainedfromlossisthestartingpointofanewldquoIrdquo
ConclusionldquoSolitudehassoftsilkyhandsbutwithstrongfingersitgraspstheheartand
makesitachewithsorrowSolitudeistheallyofsorrowaswellasacompanionofspiritualexaltationrdquo
mdashKahlilGibran(200559)
GriefaffectsusonthedeepestlevelimaginableinallaspectsofourhumanitythephysicalmentalandspiritualBecausesomuchofouridentityiswrappedupinpreviousattachmentswhethergoodorbadthatidentityisstrippedawaywhenwe lose thosepersonsorobjects towhichwersquovebecomeattachedTheyoftenloomsolargelyinourworldthatwerarelytaketimetoquestionhowourlives might be affected by their absence When that moment comes we areforced to answer that question Regardless of our cultural background orreligiousaffiliationwefeel thatuniquesensationthatcomeswithlossBeyondany name we can find for it our whole being ldquoknowsrdquo what we are goingthrough
ThisbookisbornfromthatfeelingdeepwithinmeitisonemoreexpressionofhowmygriefpermeatedmyactionsthoughtsandwordsInowrealizethatfully embracing my personal grief along with my passion for working withgrievers professionally has been a way of emotionally relocatingmymotherandinevitablymyselfTheldquoIrdquospeakingtoyouinthepagesofthisbookcouldnotexistwithoutfirsthavingtransformedmyowngrief
Irsquove shared information about many aspects of grief that can help younormalize yours Please know that loss is part of the human condition andsooneror later grief is felt byallUnderstandinghowEast andWestdiffer intheir view of grief may help you tolerate your contradicting feelings andthoughtsYourpresentrealityisinawayinducedbyyourbrainBepatientallthroughoutlifeyourbrainadaptsbyrewiringitselfthroughexperiencemdashsocanyou
Irsquove offered tools to transform your physical reality through body
movementsandpostures aswell as to reshapeyourmentalpanorama throughbreath work and connect with the deep wisdom of your Spirit throughmeditation Irsquove given suggestions to tailor your practice according to yourabilitiesandneedsUnderstanding the relationshipbetween the techniquesandthewaysthetechniquesaffectgriefcaninformyourchoicesastowhichofthemtopractice
ThesimpleactofpracticingismoreimportantthananyonespecificexercisecontainedinthisbookWhathelpsyoumostisprovingtoyourselfthatyouhavetheintentiontochangePracticewillhelpyoufindwaysofkeepinganenduringconnectionwithwhoorwhathasdepartedwhilerelatingtoyournewemergingselfAsyouwitnessyourselfthepracticehasalreadybegun
ThroughthepowerofyogayouareabletoplungeintothedepthsthathousenotonlyyourpainbutalsoyourtrueselfItisoftenduringthistimethatweareabletomakereallastingchangesthatputusonanewpathtowardgreaterself-fulfillment and ultimate acceptance of the laws of the Universemdashour humbleessenceisjustonemoregrainofsandontheshoresofexistence
In our modern society we tend to trek through life at a breakneck pacestopping to look and listen only rarely either when itrsquos convenient or mostcommon when we are shocked into awareness Loss itself causes the soul-stirring awakening that transforms us even though grief asks not if we arepreparedforsuchtransformativework
Timeisanessentialpartof theprocess justnot theonlyonePayingcloseattentiontothewisdomofourSpiritisrequiredBereavementisatimewhentheSpirit can be contacted most readily because its latent power is clearlyaccessibleAsyoutranscendtheapparentdualityofexistenceyouwillfindthatlifeanddeathabsenceandpresencearepartofonecontinuumandcannotstripyouoftheloveresidingunderneathyoursuffering
TheyogapracticeIrsquovesharedwithyouisnottohelpavoidsufferingratherit is toaidyou in finding reliefAsyouexperienceyourgriefmore fullyyoumove closer to the unique being that you truly are Grief then becomes anaturally humbling invitation to self-reflection not something to be reviled orshunnedManyculturesacceptdeathasatimeofrenewalasapreciousmomentthat teaches us about the bonds we all share including the one with oneselfWhen loss occurs many of us let in loneliness for the first time As youacknowledge the life that has departed you also feel the life that still resideswithinandyouareinvitedtorecognizethatonedaythislifewilltoodepart
This isyour time toaccessasacredspacesetyour intentionsandwitness
theunfoldingoflifeonebreathinonebreathoutYouaretheonewhoneedsacknowledgmentinthismomentmorethananythingelseHereyogacanonceagain assist you Just consider one of yogarsquos core teachings ldquoWhat we arelookingforistheonewhoislookingrdquoYouareonyourwayhellip
GlossaryASANA
PhysicalmovementorposturetraditionallyfoundinthesystemofyogaByfirstaddressing thephysicalasanas help establish a strong foundation in the bodybeforemoreadvancedexercisesandmeditationareperformed
ATTACHMENTTHEORY
Theory pioneered by the behaviorist John Bowlby that discusses how we ashumanbeingsformemotionalbondsasinfantsandchildrenthatthendetermineourlove-relatedbehaviorsintoadulthood
AYURVEDA
AscienceoflifeayurmeaninglifeandvedameaningscienceorknowledgeItoffersabodyofwisdomdesignedtohelppeoplestayvitalwhilerealizingtheirfullhumanpotentialProvidingguidelinesonidealdailyandseasonalroutinesAyurvedaremindsusthathealthisthebalancedanddynamicintegrationofourenvironmentmindbodyandspirit
CHAKRAS
Energetic centers in the physical body that correspond to different nerveplexuses and endocrine glands aswell as certain emotional and psychologicaltraitsEachchakrasignifiesdifferentstagesofhumanevolution
DEGRIEFINGPROCESS
An integrated approach to grief therapy pioneered by Lyn Prashant thatincorporates bodywork traditional grief counseling and complementarytherapies
JWILLIAMWORDEN
American psychologist and grief counselor who created the ldquotasksrdquo model ofgrievingwhich identifies four tasks thegrievermust transit to fulfillanormalgrievingprocess
MEDITATION
MeditationisidentifiedbyPatanjaliwhowroteTheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliasthe primary means by which the practitioner achieves liberation It usuallyentailslimitingtherangeofchangeofthemindtobringaboutcalmandfocus
NORMALIZATION
Theconcept encountered ingrief therapy thatgrief symptomsarenormal andthat thesufferingagriever feelsaftera loss isnot tobeshunned It takes intoaccount both cultural and familial dismissals of grief This is often away forgrieverstofirstaccepttherealityoftheirlossandtostartprocessingthroughthepainoftheirgrief
PRANAYAMA
BreathingexercisestraditionallyfoundinthesystemofyogaBymanipulatingtheprana(lifeforce)pranayamaleadsustooperateontheconsciousnessitself
PRIMARYLOSS
The loss of a loved one object or ideal that occurs first and causes a typicalgriefreaction
PSYCHOPHYSIOLOGY
Multidisciplinarystudyofpsychologybiologyandneurologythatdemonstrateshowenvironmentalfactorsinfluenceusonapsychologicallevel
SADHANA
A spiritual practice that advocates a set of practical exercises to establishregularitythatsustainedovertimeleadsustospiritualfulfillment
SANKALPA
Theyogic principle ofResolveThis helps aid practitioners in identifying andsettinggoalsfortheirpracticeandthereforetheirlives
SECONDARYLOSSES
Lossesthatoccurasaresultoftheprimarylosshavingoccurred
SHATKARMA
Cleansing exercises that help purify both the body and mind preparing thepractitionerformeditation
YOGA
Asix-thousand-year-olddisciplinefromancientIndiawherebythroughphysicalexercises breath work and meditation we can overcome the suffering weencounterinlifeandcontactourSpirit
YOGACHIKITSA
Manrsquosfirstattemptatunitiveunderstandingofthemindemotionsandphysicaldistressandtheoldestholisticconceptandtherapyintheworld
YOGATHERAPY
Westernmodulationoftheoriginaldisciplineofyogaoftenperformedone-on-onethatcombinestraditionaltherapeuticmodelswiththebenefitsbestowedbythepracticeofyoga
ReferencesBegleySharon2007ldquoTheBrainHowtheBrainRewiresItselfrdquoTimeJanuary
192007httpcontenttimecomtimemagazinearticle09171158043800html
BhaktivedantaACSwamiPrabhupada1972Bhagavad-GitaasItIsLosAngelesBhaktivedantaBookTrust
Boleyn-FitzgeraldMiriam2010PicturesoftheMindWhattheNewNeuroscienceTellsUsAboutWhoWeAreNewYorkFTPress
BowlbyJohn1969AttachmentandLossVol1AttachmentNewYorkBasicBooks
BowlbyJohn1972AttachmentandLossVol2SeparationAnxietyandAngerNewYorkBasicBooks
BrezsnyRob2009PronoiaIstheAntidoteforParanoiaRevisedandExpandedHowtheWholeWorldisConspiringtoShowerYouwithBlessingsBerkeleyCANorthAtlanticBooks
BrobergAndersG2000ldquoAReviewofInterventionsintheParentndashChildRelationshipInformedbyAttachmentTheoryrdquoActaPaeligdiatrica89(434)37ndash42
BryantEdwinFed2009TheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliANewEditionTranslationandCommentaryNewYorkFarrarStrausandGiroux
DavidsonRichard2012TheEmotionalLifeofYourBrainHowItsUniquePatternsAffecttheWayYouThinkFeelandLivemdashandHowYouCanChangeThemNewYorkHudsonStreetPress
DiamondLisaM2001ldquoContributionsofPsychophysiologytoResearchonAdultAttachmentReviewandRecommendationsrdquoPersonalityandSocialPsychologyReview5(4)276ndash95
DiemerDeedre1998TheABCsofChakraTherapyAWorkbookYorkBeach
MaineSamuelWeiserInc
FreudSigmund1953ldquoMourningandMelancholiardquoInCollectedPapersVolIVeditedbyErnestJones152ndash70LondonTheHogarthPress
GardnerJames2002ldquoSomaticAspectsofLossandGriefrdquoNotesforUCBerkeleyExtensionContinuingEducationWorkshopBerkeleyCalifOctober26ndash27
GardnerJames2010ldquoTheAnxietyToolboxProgramrdquohttpwwwanxietytoolboxcomtoolboxindexhtm
GibranKahlil2005ldquoSilentSorrowrdquoInTheKahlilGibranReaderInspirationalWritingstranslatedbyAnthonlyRFerris59ndash61NewYorkCitadelPress
GoetheJohannWolfgangvon(attributed)DateunknownFromldquoUntilOneIsCommittedhelliprdquobyMeredithLeeGoetheSocietyofNorthAmericalastmodifiedMarch51998httpwwwgoethesocietyorgpagesquotescomhtml
LowenAlexander1994BioenergeticsTheRevolutionaryTherapyThatUsestheLanguageoftheBodytoHealtheProblemsoftheMindNewYorkPenguinArkana
LuncheHowardJ1999UnderstandingGriefAGuidefortheBereavedBerkeleyCASVLPress
MainMaryandJudithSolomon1986ldquoDiscoveryofanInsecureDisorientedAttachmentPatternProceduresFindingsandImplicationsfortheClassificationofBehaviorrdquoInAffectiveDevelopmentinInfancyeditedbyTBerryBrazeltonandMichaelYogmanNewYorkAblexPublishing
PanagotacosVicki2012ldquoDefiningandEnvisioningSelfrdquoInTechniquesofGriefTherapyCreativePracticesforCounselingtheBereavededitedbyRobertANeimeyerNewYorkRoutledge
Pascual-LeoneAlvaro2001ldquoTheBrainThatPlaysMusicandIsChangedByItrdquoAnnalsoftheNewYorkAcademyofSciences930315ndash29
PertCandace1997MoleculesofEmotionWhyYouFeeltheWayYouFeelNewYorkScribner
Pittman-SchulzKimberley2011ldquoLightHeldTogetherByWaterrdquoTheSunMagazineOctober162011
PrashantLyn2002TheArtofTransformingGriefAPracticalGuideforCombiningConventionalandComplementaryMind-BodyTherapiesSanAnselmoCalifSelf-published
PrashantLyn2005Keynotespeechatthe12thAnnualNationalAlzheimerrsquosConferenceMayoClinicRochesterMinnNovember
RandoTherese1993TreatmentofComplicatedMourningChampaignIllResearchPress
RawatPremPalSingh1990March16LectureatThePremRawatFoundationBuenosAiresArgentina
ReichWilhelm1949CharacterAnalysisNewYorkFarrarStrausandGiroux
RosenbaumBentandSverreVarvin2007ldquoTheInfluenceofExtremeTraumatizationonBodyMindandSocialRelationsrdquoInternationalJournalofPsychoanalysis88(6)1527ndash42
SatyanandaSwami1976FourChaptersonFreedomBiharIndiaYogaPublicationsTrust
SatyanandaSwami1985KundaliniTantraBiharIndiaYogaPublicationsTrust
SelbyJohn1992KundaliniAwakeningAGentleGuidetoChakraActivationandSpiritualGrowthNewYorkBantamBooks
StrykerRod2011TheFourDesiresCreatingaLifeofPurposeHappinessProsperityandFreedomNewYorkDelcortePress
SubramuniyaswamiSivaya1999WeaverrsquosWisdomAncientPreceptsforaPerfectLifeKapaaHIHimalayanAcademy
UlvestadElling2012ldquoPsychoneuroimmunologyTheExperientialDimensionrdquoMethodsinMolecularBiology93421ndash37
VandenBergBellisAlbertWongPetervanderVeldenHendriekBoshuizenandLindaGrievink2012ldquoDisasterExposureasaRiskFactorforMentalHealthProblemsEighteenMonthsFourandTenYearsPost-DisasterALongitudinalStudyrdquoBMCPsychiatry12147ndash60
WhitleyBellKaren2010LivingattheEndofLifeAHospiceNurseAddressestheMostCommonQuestionsNewYorkSterlingPublishing
WeintraubAmy2004YogaforDepressionACompassionateGuidetoRelieveSufferingThroughYogaNewYorkBroadwayBooks
WordenJWilliam2009GriefCounselingandGriefTherapyAHandbookfortheMentalHealthPractitioner4thedNewYorkSpringerPublishingCo
AntonioSausysMAIGTCMTRYTisasomaticpsychotherapistandyogainstructorspecializing inone-on-oneyoga therapy forpeoplewithchronicandacutemedicalconditionsaswellasemotionalimbalanceHestudiedwithyogamasters and teachers such as Indra Devi Swami Maitreyananda and LarryPayne He has continued his professional development with training inintegrative grief therapy with Lyn Prashant foot reflexology SwedishtherapeuticmassageandReikiAntonioteachesandlecturesperiodicallyattheUniversityofCaliforniaBerkeleyattheCaliforniaInstituteofIntegralStudiesKripaluCenterforYogaandHealthHeisamemberoftheWorldYogaCounciltheInternationalAssociationofYogaTherapistsandtheAssociationforDeathEducationandCounselingHeisthefounderandexecutivedirectorofYogaforHealthmdashthe International Yoga Therapy Conference and television host forYogiViewsFormoreinformationvisityogaforgriefreliefcom
TheauthorthankshisfreelanceeditorElliottVogel forhiscreativeassistanceonYogaforGriefReliefVogelisafreelancewriterandeditorAstudentofyogaforovertenyearsVogelrsquosjourneystudyingthephilosophyandpracticeofyogaoriginatedunderthetutelageofthebookrsquosauthorAntonioSausysHecurrentlyresidesinMillValleyCA
Foreword writer Lyn Prashant PhD FT IGT SYVC is a somaticthanatologist certified grief counselor massage therapist yoga instructorauthorandinternationalpresenterSheisthedirectorandfounderofDegriefingreg
(IntegrativeGriefTherapy)andtheInstituteofSomaticThanatology
- Contents
- Acknowledgments
- Foreword
- Introduction
- Grief A Normal Response to Loss
-
- Defining Grief The Western View
- Four Tasks of Mourning A Road Map for the Grieving Process
- Grief and the Brain
-
- Yoga and Grief
-
- The Five Spokes on the Wheel of Suffering
- Griefrsquos Challenge to Spirituality
- Love Beyond Attachment
-
- How the Yoga for Grief Relief Practice Works
-
- How This Practice Was Born
- The Active Principles of the Practice
- How the Practice Functions as a Whole
-
- What You Can Do The Yoga Practice
-
- Accepting Life Fully
- Unblocking the Flow of the Life Force
- Whisking Up the Feelings
- Let Go
- Sleep Better and Awaken to a New Perspective
- Control Is Somehow Possible
- Bringing Calm to a Scattered Mind and a Distressed Body
- Dissolving Old Patterns and Reprogramming the Mind with Intention
- Opening to Spirit
-
- Designing the Logistical Aspects of Your Practice
-
- Setting the Intention
- Should You Practice Alone or Under Guidance
- Is It Better to Practice Individually or in a Group
- Is It Safe to Do This Practice by Yourself
- Which Exercises Are Best for Me
- Where Should I Practice
- When Should I Practice
- For How Long Should I Practice
- Your Practice Changes as You Do
-
- The Process of Transformation
-
- Finding a New Identity After Loss
- How Can the Transformation Be Accomplished
- What Are the Possible Meanings of Finding a New Identity After Loss
-
- Conclusion
- Glossary
- References
-
ContentsAcknowledgmentsForewordIntroductionChapter1GriefANormalResponsetoLoss
DefiningGriefTheWesternViewFourTasksofMourningARoadMapfortheGrievingProcessGriefandtheBrain
Chapter2YogaandGriefTheFiveSpokesontheWheelofSufferingGriefrsquosChallengetoSpiritualityLoveBeyondAttachment
Chapter3HowtheYogaforGriefReliefPracticeWorksHowThisPracticeWasBornTheActivePrinciplesofthePracticeHowthePracticeFunctionsasaWhole
Chapter4WhatYouCanDoTheYogaPracticeAcceptingLifeFullyCompleteBreathing(MahatYogaPranayama)UnblockingtheFlowoftheLifeForceEnergyFlowSeries(Pawanmuktasana1)WhiskingUptheFeelingsWindmill(VayuChakramAsana)LetGoAttitudeofDischarging(UtthitaLolasana)SleepBetterandAwakentoaNewPerspectiveConcentratedGazing(Tratak)ControlIsSomehowPossibleAlternate-NostrilBreathing(NadiShodhanaPranayama)BringingCalmtoaScatteredMindandaDistressedBodySelf-RelaxationTechnique(AngaShaithilya)DissolvingOldPatternsandReprogrammingtheMindwithIntentionResolve(Sankalpa)OpeningtoSpiritBreathMeditation
Chapter5DesigningtheLogisticalAspectsofYourPracticeSettingtheIntentionShouldYouPracticeAloneorUnderGuidanceIsItBettertoPracticeIndividuallyorinaGroupIsItSafetoDoThisPracticebyYourselfWhichExercisesAreBestforMeWhereShouldIPracticeWhenShouldIPracticeForHowLongShouldIPracticeYourPracticeChangesasYouDo
Chapter6TheProcessofTransformationFindingaNewIdentityAfterLossHowCantheTransformationBeAccomplishedWhatArethePossibleMeaningsofFindingaNewIdentityAfterLoss
ConclusionGlossaryReferences
Acknowledgments
My deep gratitude goes to Lyn Prashant Her immense knowledge of theimplicationsofgriefforthebodyinformedandenlightenedmyunderstandingofthis difficult time for the human heart Her insightfulmentorship transformedandenligthenedmyprofessionaloutlookHercompassionandprofoundabilitytoholdspacesupportedmethroughthetransformationofmyownbereavementHergentleyetfiercecommitmenttothetruthofthesoulmovedmetolevelsofdepthstillmanifesting inmy life todayHerwisdomanddedication toservingothersinspiredmyworkIrsquomhonoredtohavehadtheopportunitytodeveloptheseedsheplantedwithinmeandIthanktheuniversalorderforhavingourpathsmeetinthislifetime
I thank Elliott Vogel whose patience dedication and creative assistancehelpedshapemywritingwhilepreservingmyownvoiceHiseditstranslatedthelanguage of my heart into adequate words that now reach the ears of thosewillingtolisten
AnimageisworthathousandwordsMysincerethankstoBryanHendonapowerfulhumanbeingwithawizardinhiseyesSeeingmyselfthroughhislensgavemeconfidenceandrevealedarenewedimageofmyself
Thanks tomy dearwifeKatiawho supportedme in somany loving andrespectfulways throughout theprocessofwriting thisbookHerbeliefguidedme back tomy self-trust so that I could continue she helpedme remove theobstaclesagainandagainThankyousweetie
Finally I must thank the wisdom of Yoga that pouring through my lifeturnedmeintoahumblevehicleoftheuniversalknowledgeweallabideby
Foreword
In1984IwaslivingattheLivingDyingProjectinSantaFeNewMexicowithmy young husbandMark He was exploring the nature of his life and deathprovokedbytheextremeafflictionofmetastasizedheadandneckcancerIwasnewlymarriedandboththegrievingwifeanddesignatedsurvivorWithMarkrsquosdeathDegriefing(IntegrativeGriefTherapy)wasbornandmylifersquosworkwasshowntome
AtfirstIquestionedhowIwasgoingtocontinuetofindmeaninginmysolojourneyIaskedMarkldquoWhoamIWhodiesWheredoyougoWhatamItodowiththerestofmyliferdquo
ldquoLearntoloveeverythingasyoulovemerdquowashissimplystatedresponseIsoughtoutprofessionals tohelpme learn todo that andyet felt invisiblenotheardnotseenIdidnrsquotevenunderstandhowtobegintolookformeAcaringand concerned friend treated me to my first experience of truly consciousbodyworkwhichhelpedmebegintotoleratebeinginmyskin
Ialsonoted thatwhenIcoaxedmygrievingbody intosomeyogaposes Ifelt the molecular shift of my internal particles reorganizing As an athletephysical education teacher and coach I saw how the physical body not onlyneedsitsownexpressionbutactuallydemandsphysicalreleaseThisresetsthebalance of the many interconnected complex biological systems involved ingriefMythinkingwasclearerafterarunoradanceoraswimIsawthatwhenIengagedmybodyIfeltenergizedratherthandrainedIwasfeelingalifeforceinside ofme resurging How could this beWas this okayWould I losemyconnectionwithMarkifthepainstartedtosubsideThisforcethisfuelwhatisitforhellipTodowhathellipToknowwhatIwasreappearinginanewversionofmyever-changingself
As I was preparing to graduate from the Grief Counseling CertificationProgramattheGraduateSchoolofProfessionalPsychologyatJFKUniversityIwas offered a position as the director of the first holistic health spa in thesouthernconeofSouthAmericaBeforedepartingtheSanFranciscoBayAreaIstatedIwouldmanifestthemostamazingyogateacherinSouthAmericaThisstatement actualized itself whenAntonio interviewed for the position of yogainstructoronthespastaffIsharedmyvisionofworkingwiththebereavedand
askedifhewouldliketoparticipateHisresponsewaspassionateandgenuineexhibitingcontinuedinterestdevotionandcommitment
YogaforGriefReliefisanoffshootoftheDegriefingprocessrepresentingtheworkof IntegrativeGriefTherapyat its core It directly relates to somaticthanatology which uses integrative therapeutic interventions as externalizingtoolsinvolvingthebodymindandspiritEachindividualchoosesandusesthetoolsthatwillhelphimorhernavigatetheuncharteredwatersofgriefYogaisthe master transformer by offering teaching and options for everything andeveryone Grief turns us inside out and upside down and so does yogacompassionately lovingly individually itmeetsuswhereweare inourselvesYogaguidesustoawayoflifethatpromoteshealthyintentionalchangeItisawayofself-loveandloveforall
IsawinAntoniotheinfinitepossibilitiesandwide-rangingopportunitiesforhimtoassistthebereavedIfoundthathishighlyskilledapproachalongwithhisexpert training in both the yogic tradition and body-oriented psychotherapyprovidedhimwithamind-bodybalancecosmicallysuitedforhislifeworkasayogamasterHeisdevotedtothehighestgoodforeveryoneandisalovingandfiercetaskmastertransmittingtheknowledgeoftheyogicwayoflivingIknewthatAntoniowastheonetocarryforththeDegriefingworkthroughYoga
ItisallhereinthisimportantbookItdelicatelycombinesandcorrelatestheuseofEasternwisdomwithWesternphilosophyWearegrievinggloballyandneedadoseofuniversalknowledgetopromotebalancewithineachoneofus
This book is a gift a friend and a tool It offers maps to demystify andnormalize aspects of grieving by presenting options for transforming ourphysical grief balancing systems compromised by its profound and humblingeffectsSincewearejumbledscatteredandshatteredalreadyweareinaprimeposition to integratenewcopingskills fora lifebased in thebuddingsenseofournewlyrevealedpersonalreality
InYogaforGriefReliefwelearntoexpressnotrepresstoexternalizenotinternalizetobreatheagainandrelocateallourlossestoourheartcentersowecan thrive within our newly met self Antoniorsquos work has furthered thedevelopment of Degriefingrsquos basic premises and illuminates the process ofworking with our grief Yoga provides support for all the systems and is thecontainerforintegrationofmind-body-spirit
Read and cherish this book digest it share it and embody the relief youseekWith the teachings of yoga and Antoniorsquos astute guidance take a deepbreathandbuckleyourpsychicseatbeltYouareonyourwayhome
mdashLynPrashantPhD
Introduction
GriefisaradicalopportunitytotransformourawarenessbutfewofusknowitWhenIwastwentyyearsoldmymotherdiedofastrokeFortwoandahalfyears I lived in a state of denial completely disconnected frommy feelingsWhenIwasfinallyabletobewithmypainIdiscoveredtomyastonishmentthatmybodyhadcreatedanadditionalcalciumdepositbetweenoneofmyribsandthebreastbonemdashwhatthebodywillsometimesdoinresponsetoafractureIn essence what my mind had been hiding my body showed with pristineclarityIhadabrokenheart
As life continued after the loss of my mother I began training with LynPrashant an outstanding grief counselor and therapist and creator of theDegriefingprocessacomprehensivemind-bodyapproachtogrieftherapyShehelpedmelearnthatgriefisoneofourleast-tappedsourcesofself-knowledgeSometime after starting to work together Lyn asked me to develop a yogapractice to address the body-centered effects of grief which can range fromfeelings of lethargy to dull aches tightness in the chest cavity shortness ofbreathandsleeplessnessIwaswellequippedthroughmytrainingasasomaticpsychotherapist and yoga teacher But it was my own personal experience ofgrief that led me to build a sadhana or spiritual discipline that eventuallybecameaholisticpracticeIcallYogaforGriefRelief
Today many of us though we donrsquot know it live in a perpetual state ofunacknowledgedgriefTherearemanyreasonsfor thisOneprimaryreason isthatweliveinasocietythatoftenshiesawayfromthepowerfulemotionsthatgriefpresentstousWeareoftenstoiclumberingthroughlosswithoutfeelingreturningtoworkorourdailylivesafterthelosslikenothinghappenedweburyourgriefdeepinsideofuswhereitremainstrappedbothinbodyandmind
Griefhappens in thebody yet thephysical symptoms that comeup in thegrievingprocessarenotalwaysdealtwithasdirectlyas theyshouldbeThesesymptomsarejustascommontothegrievingprocessasmentalandemotionalsymptomsandrequirejustasmuchattentioninordertobetreatedTalktherapycanbewonderfulbuttoooftenthebody-centeredeffectsofgriefgetsubsumedundertheemotionalissuesbeingdealtwithApersoncanatthesametimeandwith not much difficulty experience relief from these physical symptoms byperformingafewbasicexercisesTheseexercisesknowncollectivelyasyoga
weredevelopedmorethansixthousandyearsagobypeoplegiftedinthementalpowersofintuitionTheyrealizeddirectlywhatweintheWestarebeginningtounderstand today through the advent ofmodern science that the humanmindandbodytrulyshareaconnectionandinfluenceoneanotherandthat throughpracticeonecanlivefreelyinanabundanceofjoyandpresenceofSpirit
AbundanceofjoyYoumaythinkyouhavepickedupthewrongbooksincethesepagesare focusedongriefand themethods thatcanhelp thosesufferingfromitseffectsButIhaveexperiencedfirsthandthejoyyogacanprovideamidthemostoverwhelmingsorrowthehealingbroughtaboutbytheperformanceofsimple physical movements and different breathing techniquesmdashpractices youmayalreadybefamiliarwithWhatthisbookoffersisnotaldquoretreatrdquofromgriefnoraldquoreleaserdquofromgriefbutsimplysomerelieffromgriefOnceweareabletoworkphysicallywith the new reality loss has thrown us intowewill then beabletobetterunderstandwhatitisthathashappenedtousOnceweareabletoacknowledgethatononehandourliveswillneverbethesameandthatontheother hand all the potential of the universe lies within us a different picturestartstoemerge
LynPrashant affirms that ldquowedonrsquot get over our losseswe transformourrelationship to themrdquo and I agree with her one hundred percent Grief is apowerfulsourceofinformationaboutwhowearewhenwedaretolookThereisanaturalprogressionfromonetotheotherandifweareabletotransformourrelationship togrief inaway that results in improvedself-knowledge thenwecan establish a new identity We identify ourselves through the persons andthingsweareattachedtowhenwelosethemwelosepartofwhoweareYetwecontinuebeingonlyinawaythatisnotknowntousTheprocessoffindingoutwhothenewldquoonerdquoisismultilayeredItinvolvesunderstandinganddealingwith thephysical symptomsofgriefactuallycompleting thegrievingprocessandreidentifyingourselvesnotbasedonpreconceivedorprelearnednotionsbutinstead on our true essence the onewersquove come somuch closer to thanks tohavingbeenstrippedofourpreviousidentityForthattohappenwemustworkThesadhana Irsquovedevelopedoffersapracticemdashthefoundationfor theworkwemustdomdashandalongthewayIrsquollsharetoolstohelpusreapthebenefitsweareafter
Bysittingwithawarenesswestart toaccept thechangeswearenowfacedwithAsweconsciouslyworkwithandevenchallengeourlearnedreactionsweask What starts to emerge from the chaos that loss leaves behind It is agroundedindividualonewhoisable toaccept thenewrealityandtocontinuewithlifeacalmpractitionerevenacuriousyogiAndwhydowepracticeItis
for the same reason that people inmodern-day India sat in yogic postures sixthousandyearsagopracticingmeditationbecausethedesiretoresolvesufferingisuniversalWeallneedcopingmechanismsweallneedtreatmentsthatsootheourrestlessmindsandourachingbodiesbutaboveallweneedtheknowledgethatcanbegainedsimplybybaskinginonersquosinnersilence
The practice I have developed for transforming grief from a painfulexperienceintoaconscioussourceofself-knowledgeisintroducedinthisbookin a six-part sequence breathing exercises body movements cleansingtechniquesrelaxationmentalreprogrammingandmeditation
Thebreathingtechniqueshelpbringbackasenseofcontroltotheindividualbymanipulatingthepranaorvitalforcewhichhelpsunitethegapbetweentheconscious and the unconscious The body movements serve to manage thebodyrsquosphysicalsymptomsofgriefparticularlyaddressingpainandotheracutesymptomsThecleansing techniqueshelp reset theendocrinesystemaffectingthe fight-or-flight responsewhich plays an essential role in the grief reactionandthefeelingsassociatedwith itRelaxation is includedwith the intentionofdiminishing the stress levels that increase during grief The powerful yogicprincipleofResolvehelpsresetmentalpatternsandfocusesthemindtowardthetransformationofgriefFinallymeditationisusedtoaddresstheSpiritoncethebody is still and the mind is calm that which is neither body nor mind canmanifestmoreclearly
Themainasana (physical posture) of theYoga forGriefRelief practice iscalled theWindmill Symbolically the windmill serves as an analogy for theprocessoftransformationofgriefintoanewidentityTheforcesoftheunknownmdashthewindmdashpowerthemechanismsofthewindmilljustasthemysteryoflosscreatesachurninginthedepthsofourownselvesAsthewindmillutilizesthesometimeswildanddestructiveforceofwindenergytomechanicallytransformhardgrains intoedible flour the techniques in this sadhana can transformourSpiritsleftvacantbylossbutopentoreceivingtheknowledgethatexistswithinusJustasthegrainbeingpulverizedresultsinafinerqualityofflourtheyogaexercisessharedhereoperateataneurochemicallevelimprovingourmoodandstrengtheningourresolveinthefaceofinsurmountablelossNotonlydoesthephysical component of the practice make us feel better new patterns areestablished that link the conscious performance of certain exercises with anoverallsenseofwell-beingMoreneuroscientistsarediscoveringthatourbrainsare resilient organs capable of far more than we had previously given themcreditforespeciallyintherealmofemotionaldisordersandaddictionButtheconclusionsofmodernneuroscienceall seem topoint tooneessential truthof
biological determinism practice makes perfect Our brains are capable ofreformation but they require discipline Yoga is an ancient art one whosefounders realized the importance of practice for physical results in the bodylastingimpressionsoftranquilityinthemindandtheevolutionofthesoul
It is the techniques themselves that are the inspiration for this book ThepracticemdashanditseffectsmdashresonatesstronglyinmylifetodayandinthoseofmystudentswhohaveengagedinitTheaimofthispracticeistohelpyouacceptthe realityof lossand thenwork through thepainofgriefOnceapersoncanadjusttothisnewsituationorenvironmentwithoutthelovedonethenheorshecan emotionally reinvest the love attached to the lost person or object andembarkonanewlife
When lateron in lifemyfatherpassedawaydespitemyknowledgeof thegrievingprocessandtheawarenessIhaveaboutwhatpracticescanhelptraverseit nothing could save me from experiencingmdashagainmdashthat deep pain of lossThere is noway around grief going through it is the only healthyway ThisbookandthetechniquesIdemonstrateherearenotawayofldquogettingovergriefrdquoInstead of avoiding the feelings these techniques are designed to help younavigate through emotions that are not always pleasant Because of myexperienceasayogatherapistIhadanawarenessofwhatsomeofmyreactionsweregoingtobewhenmyfatherdiedandIknewIhadtoolsIcouldutilizetohelp normalize those reactions and emerge anew It ismyhope that this bookwillofferawindowtotheuniquewayyouexperienceyourowngriefandgiveyousomesimpletechniquesthatwillhelpyousafelyexplorethatexperience
Youmay benefit from reading this book if you are looking to explore orwork with grief in the intimacy of a home yoga practice or existing studioworkoutifyouwouldliketocomplementthegrieftherapythatyouarealreadyengaged in or if you work with grieving individuals in your profession andwouldliketointegratetheknowledgeofyogaintoyourexistingtoolbox
Inchapter1youwill find information thatwillhelpnormalizeyourgriefYouwillstarttounderstandtheuniquenessofyourgrievingprocessandatthesame time acknowledge someuniversal truths about it In chapter2 youwilllearnsomeofthesuccinctwisdomofyogawhichwillhelpyouunderstandgriefinadifferentculturalcontextandhowparticularenergycenters(chakras)reactwhenwegrieveThewisdomteachingsareaknowledgethatisinactioninallofusregardlessofourbackgroundsorbeliefsystems
Inchapter3youwilllearnabouteachgeneralcategoryofpracticeandhowtheycanbeusedtoaddressdifferentaspectsofthegrievingprocessChapter4
presentstheexercisesinasimplehow-tomannerincludinghoweachtechniquecan help transform grief Chapter 5 offers guidance on how to set up yourpracticeaccording towhatrsquospossible foryouandwhatyourpersonal intentionisThis chapter also showsyouhow to start framingyour ideal conditions forpractice identifying what you want to accomplish along with any possiblebarriersInanycasewhatrsquosmostimportantisthatyoumeetyourselfwhereyouareItmaysoundsimplebutisoftenachallengeforthosefacedwithloss
AfterlearningthetechniquesandstartingtoplanhowtointegratethemintoyourlifeyouwilldiscoverhowtheyogapracticeservesthegreaterprocessoftransformationthatawakensyourspiritualconnectionwithlifeInchapter6youwilllearntoidentifyoldpatternsandwaysofthinkingyouwouldliketodiscardandpromote thoseyounowwelcomeaspartof the journey towardyourmostcompleteversionofyourselfThoughyoumightnotyethavefinishedgrievingyoucan start to seeways inwhich theexperienceofgrief serves to transformyourlifebygettingtothecoreofwhoyoureallyare
AsyoureadthroughthisbookremembertobegentlewithyourselfUsethisbookasaguidedrawfrom itwhenneededand remember that inorder tobeeffective these techniquesneed to bepracticed Intellectual information is notwhatweareafter Ifourmindscould solve themysteryof lossandgriefyouwould not be reading this book nor would I have written it I hope that inreading this book and throughyour ownpractice youmay access the hiddengiftthatliestrappedinthepainfulexperienceofgrief
Chapter1
GriefANormalResponsetoLoss
Grief affects the physical mental spiritual and emotional aspects of ourhumanityItisournormalreactiontolossbutthistruismdoesnotmakeitanyeasiertodealwithWeseemtoliveasifthethingsweareattachedtoarealwaysgoing to be thereAndmany of uswere raised in cultures that do not openlyacknowledge grief When faced with the pain and shock of loss we feelawkward clueless and confused overwhelmed and unprepared to begin tosootheourselvesAphraseheardfrequentlyfromgrievingpeopleisldquoIfeelasifIamgoingcrazyrdquoSomeconsider theprocessofbereavement tobean illnessrather than a normal part of the human condition that seeks outlet andexpression The cries of heartbreak allow the body to achieve balance byfacilitatingthereleaseofstresshormonesandsoothingsomeofthephysicalpainencounteredingrief
People experience grief in different ways We experience a vast array ofemotionalandphysicalsymptomsfromtheagitatedandanxioustothelethargicanddepressedfrombodyachesandmusclestiffness todisruptionsinsleepingandeatinghabitsThecommonfactor inall thesesymptomsishowourbrainsareinvolvedinthegrievingprocessCurrentresearchexploringtherolethatthebrainplays inemotional life isdiscussedlater in thischapter inldquoGriefandtheBrainrdquo
Yoga forGriefRelief is an entireprogramdesigned to support and informyou in all aspects of bereavement Itrsquos important to recognize that while thegrieving process is profoundly uncomfortable it is actually normalHowevercomplicatedgrief that continues toprovokeunhealthybehaviorsover the longterm and that takes an extreme toll on the griever is often better served byprofessionalhelp
DefiningGriefTheWesternViewGriefisapervasiveforceendemictothehumanconditionandanessentialpartofouremotionalmakeupEachculturerelatestogriefuniquelyWhereyougrewup how openwas your society to discussing issues that produce griefWhatcommonfuneraryritualsdidyourcultureprovideWhatvalueswereextolledby
yourfamilyDidpeopleinyourlifetypicallydieathomeorinhospitalsDidyougrowupinalargehouseholdorareyouanonlychild
The answers to these questions can and often do significantly influencereactionstolossJust thinkofhowagrievermayexperiencehisorhersorrowdifferentlyifinUruguayorintheUnitedStatesItisthecustominUruguaythatfamilyandclose friends spend thenightwith themourner immediatelyafter adeathtosharethepainandsorrowstayingawakethankstoafewcupsofcoffeeThentogethertheysayfarewelltothedeceasedandputtheremainstorestIntheUnitedStatesamorecommonwayofaccompanyingamourneristoattendawakeaneventthatoccurssometimeafterthedeathinwhichpeopletellfunnystoriesmentiongoodqualitiesoftheonegoneandthencelebratethedeceasedrsquoslifelavishlywithalcoholandfood
Alsoconsideran individual living inasociety that setsasideaspecialdayforrememberingandcelebratingthedeadversusapersonlivinginaculturethatfinds the outward exposure of sorrow socially inappropriate and lacking tasteTheseculturaldifferencesalsoaffecttheopinionsviewsandbeliefsofWesternpsychologists and clinicians who often assume very contradictory views tothoseofthemonksandswamisItrainedwithduringmyinitiationtoyoga
My dual training in the fields of somatic psychotherapy and the timelesswisdom of Yoga has allowed me to experience both worldviews firsthandRegrettablyWestern culture tends to sweepgrief under the rug by ignoring itentirely or compartmentalizing it Only minimal attention to grief is allowedeffectively preventing us from understanding its nature It is skillful to askourselvesquestionssuchasldquoWhatisthefirstgreatlossIremembersufferingWhocouldItalktoHowdidIcopewiththeexperienceHowdidthepeoplearoundme actrdquoThis inquiry encourages self-awareness and understanding ofhow your family and cultural background influence your relationship to yourowngrieftoday
DespitetherichvarietyofanswerstothesequestionsIwouldliketostartbysaying that grief is our natural response to lossmdashany loss Traditionally wethink of grief as being the range of emotional and psychological responsesexperiencedafterthedeathofsomeoneweloveButdeathisnottheonlytypeoflossthatelicitsgriefSomemightfeelgriefoverthelossofaprizedpossessionapetajobadreamortheiryouthInfactIhavewitnessedhumansgrievingthelossofperceivedinvincibilityafterbreakingabonethediscontinuationofaregularlyscheduledTVshoworafavoritebrandofsneakersorhavingreachedtheendofadeliciousnovelThecombinedeffectsofourlossesbigandsmallmajorandminoraccumulateinourbodiesThejudgmentthatsomelossesare
trivial and are therefore unimportant to consider can exacerbate feelings ofconfusion isolation and shame This can interfere with a grieverrsquos ability toaccepttherealityofwhereheorsheisinhisorherpersonalprocess
TwoTypesofLosses
Identifyingprimaryandsecondary losses ishelpful forcompassionateself-reflectionTheinitiallosstheonethatoccursfirstisusuallyreferredtoastheprimary loss Losses that occur as a result of this underlying primary loss areknownassecondarylosses
Primary lossesaremoreeasily identifiedwhile the secondaryonescanbemore subtle and perhaps underacknowledged with regard to their profoundemotional intensity For example a woman whose marriage ends in divorce(primaryloss)whothensufferstheexclusionofeventspreviouslyfoundonhersocial calendar (secondary loss) is dealingwith the exponential effects of thecombined losses Perhaps her ex-husband is still being invited to events orperhapshercoupled friendsareuncomfortablewithhernewsinglestatusThesecondarylossnamedhereisthelossofhersocialnetwork
It is important to acknowledge that while each primary loss occurs onlyonce secondary losses may continue to occur and are therefore experiencedfrequently In the previous example thewoman experienced the divorce onlyoncebutthelossofhersocialnetworkisfelteverytimesheisnotinvitedoutbyldquotheirrdquo friends In addition the burden of assuming roles and responsibilitiesformerlyhandledbyherexmdashsuchaspayingthemortgagebillcheckingtheairinthetiresormanagingthehouseholdinwaysshehasnothadtobeforemdashisaconstant painful reminder of all that has been lost since the divorce Thesecondary loss continually retriggers her grief due to the primary loss of thehusband
In another example losing all of onersquos family heirlooms in a house fire(primary loss) might evoke the experience of severing onersquos ancestral past(secondary loss)Secondary lossesarenrsquotalways recognizedasvalidcausesofgriefbuttheycanbringontremendoussorrowandrepeatedlyreignitethepainthatwasexperiencedfromtheprimaryloss
SymptomsofGrief
Although no two individuals grieve in the same way there is someconsistencyintheemotionalphysicalandmentalsymptomsassociatedwiththegrievingprocessSomeofthemostcommonlyacknowledgedfeelingsthatrelateto grief can be seen in the following table (adapted with permission fromLunche1999)
EMOTIONALSYMPTOMSOFGRIEF
Shocknumbness
Sadness
Emptiness
Feelinghelpless
Feelingoutofcontrol
Anger
Guiltregret
Resentment
Depression
Lonelinesslongingyearning
Fearanxietyinsecurity
Feelingsofbetrayaldisloyalty
Diminishedself-concern
Sorrowfortheonewhodied
Desiretojointhedeceased
Suicidalfeelings
Table1Emotionalsymptomsofgrief
Even though sadness is the feeling most commonly expressed while
grieving a wide range of emotions is often determined by the quality of therelationship we had with whatrsquos been lost as well as by the circumstancessurrounding the lossAs you can see from the Emotional Symptoms ofGrieftable the impact of our grief may present many complex combinations ofemotionsaffectingusdistinctly
OneexampleofthismightbewhenanabusivehusbanddiesmdashthewifecouldfeelmorerelievedthansadWhenafathercommitssuicidethechildrenheleftbehindmaybecopingwiththeirshameandangermorethanwithdepressionInmy personal and professional experience when a relationship that was morepositiveendsfeelingsofdepressionareverylikelytosurfaceWhereasthemoreconflictedarelationshipisthegreaterthelikelihoodisthatangerandguiltwillappear
Myfatherand I finallydevelopedapristine friendshipaftermanyyearsofnot getting along What soothed my heart most after he passed were thenurturing memories of our newly established friendship Because wepainstakingly attended to all our unfinished business I could grieve his losswithoutregretorambivalenceBeingatthatpointinourrelationshipatthetimeof his passing permittedme to connectwith themore profoundly painful andchallenging aspects of my grief process and be present to experience theemotionallyjoyousandpleasantmemoriesbubblingupinsideme
FourTasksofMourningARoadMapfortheGrievingProcess
GriefpresentsuswithtremendousdualityWegrievebothuniquelyaccordingtoourlifersquosvariablesanduniversallyasallhumansdoLeadersinthefieldhavenoted specific elements of grieving suggesting they need to be addressed inordertofulfillanormalprocessSomeofthemnametheseelementsasldquostagesrdquoothersasldquophasesrdquoofgriefBothtermssuggest tomesomethingmorestaleorpassiveinnatureOfall thinkersJWilliamWorden(2009)offers themodelIfind best suited to the yogic ideal of practice In his model he names theseelements ldquotasksrdquo a term that clearly denotes the dynamism the process reallyinvolvesItprovidesanactivewaytomovethroughgriefrsquoscommonemotionalstatesWordenrsquosFourTasksofMourningare
To accept the reality of the lossAccepting the reality of the loss toWorden implies recognizing that ldquoreunion with the departed isimpossible at least in this liferdquo (39) Worden describes a searchingbehavior that is common at this level of grieving whereby a grievingpersonmightldquoseerdquothedeceasedwalkinginacrowdandrecognizeheronly then to be confronted with the reminder of her death Variousdegreesofdenialcouldbeinvolvedinordertoavoidacceptingtherealityoftheloss
To process the pain of grief The second task involves consciouslyworking with the pain of grief Worden states ldquoIt is necessary toacknowledgeandworkthroughthispainoritcanmanifestitselfthroughphysicalsymptomsorsomeformofaberrantbehaviorrdquo(44)Thissecondtask of mourning is of special significance to yoga because of theconnectionwithconsciousworkanddedicatedpractice
To adjust to a world without the deceased Worden identifies threeareasofadjustmentthataretobereckonedwithafterthelossofalovedone External adjustments relate to how coping with loss affects oureveryday life (egwhatdowedowith theworkinghourswhenwersquovejust lost a job) Internal adjustments refer to how death affects self-definitionself-esteemandonersquossenseofself-efficacy(eghowcanaspouse feel like awhole self again after losing his partner) Spiritualadjustmentsimplydealingwiththechallengesofourbeliefsystemsandvaluesasdeathshakesthefoundationofonersquosassumptionsoftheworld(eg the faithful believer questioning the existence of a justGod afterfeelingthathisprayershavenotbeenheard)
To find an enduring connection with the deceased in the midst ofembarking on a new life Worden asserts that it is essential that themourner find newways to continue honoring the deceased while stillremaining focused on creating a new life Freud (1953) describes themental process of mourning as summoning mental images of the lostlovedonedetachingthepreviouslyinvestedloveandreestablishingthefreedomofthemindWordensuggeststhatwedonotentirelyrecycletheemotionalenergypreviouslyinvestedhecitescurrentresearchthatstatesthat maintaining an active awareness of the deceased person providescomfortandstrengthtothebereaved
Although each task is essential to the process of mourning the tasksthemselves are not linear After completing all four we may be prompted torevisitanyoreachofthem
Mostofoureffortsdealingwithgriefaregeared towardavoidingsufferingfromtheunusuallyimmensepainlossinflictsonusItisDrWordenrsquosopinionthat the fulfillment of all Four Tasks of Mourning is essential to promote ahealthy and normal grieving process Otherwise we may fall into what isconsideredacomplicatedgrievingprocess Insomecasesanindividualrsquosgriefreactionisprolongedbecominganalmostchronicconditionthatmayneverbefullyresolved
Examining examples of complicated grief we often see the actualmanifestation of symptoms showing up at amuch later time in response to amorerecentunexpectedlossThisexaggeratedreactioncanmanifestasorturnintoaspecificmentalconditionsuchasclinicaldepressionInothersthegriefappearsdisguisedbysymptomsandbehaviorsthatwhileseeminglyunrelatedtogriefareactuallyexamplesofldquomaskedrdquogrief(Worden2009)Itisimportanttodifferentiate thesemarkersofcomplicatedgrief fromthenaturalway inwhichgriefoccursdownthelinecomingbackunexpectedlyattimesinrelationtolifeeventsandother timesseemingly randomandpresentinguswith feelingsandsymptomsoftheoldgriefThisconceptiswellexpressedintheworkofThereseRando who coined the term STUG Sudden Temporary Upsurge of Grief(1993)
Grief triggers grief Fresh loss naturally triggers memories feelings andsymptoms related to a previous loss Sometimes we are truly shocked at thetremendous intensity of our feelings When others who are close to usexperience loss it can easily trigger our owngrief and cause us to revisit oldlossesevenifwefeelwehavedealtwiththemalreadyPerhapsthisisareasonwhypeoplerecoilfromhearingaboutanotherrsquosgrieforbecomeuncomfortablewhentheywitnesspeopleexhibittheirgriefopenlyCounselorstherapistsandhospiceworkerswhoworkwithgrief regularly see theirowngrief retriggeredandcansufferfromtheeffectsofldquocaregiverrsquosburdenrdquo
Regardless of howour grief originates the key element is that in order togrieve a loss we need to have developed a strong emotional connection withwhat has been lost or what it represents to us We need to have formed anattachment
AttachmentTheTrueRootofGrief
ldquoAttachmentrdquo is generally defined as a feeling that binds someone to aperson thing causeor idealThis is a remarkably similardescription towhatFreudstatedwhendescribingtheobjectofgriefduringmourning(Freud1953)Psychology views attachment as ldquoan evolved behavioral system designed toregulate infantsrsquo proximity to a protector and thereby maximize chances forsurvivalrdquo according to John Bowlby (Diamond 2001 277) Later on studiesconducted byMary Ainsworth concluded that there are three major styles ofattachmentsecureambivalent-insecureandavoidant-insecure(Broberg2000)
Researchers Main and Solomon (1986) added a fourth style known asdisorganized-insecureattachmentTheseearlyattachmentstylescanhelppredictbehaviors later in life especially adult romantic love For example when anindividual is able to gain comfort from his parents as a child (ldquosecureattachmentrdquo)hetendstohavegoodself-esteemasanadultOntheotherhandwhenachilddoesnotgainmuchcomfortorcontactfromhisparents(ldquoavoidantattachmentrdquo) he develops adult behaviors that invest little or no emotion insocialandromanticrelationships
In short our early attachments constitute our first awareness of thosewholove and care for us and influence how we love as adults No matter whatattachment style we develop we are all like these infantsmdashseeking survivalclingingtowhatisfamiliarLikeapacketoffoodcoloringreleasedintoapitcherof water we can see our attachments permeate the substance of our lifeAttachment is at the core of howwe form families and how our larger socialnetwork functions For us in theWest attachment is tantamount to love ldquoIf IloveyouIamattachedtoyoubeinghereforeverrdquoThisassociationissostrongthatactionsindicatingdetachmentareusuallyseenasasignofalackoflove
OurattachmentsinformuswhenwefeelathomewhenwearelonelyandwhenweareindangerEvenatachemicallevelthebondswemakewithhumanbeingsandotherobjectsaffectusWhenthesebondsbreakwecaninvestigatethepsychophysiologicaleffectsandnormalizethemanysomaticaspectsofgriefmanifesting asphysical symptomsNow letrsquosdiscoverwhat theperspectiveofpsychophysiologycanbringtoourunderstandingofgrief
GriefandtheBrainHow does the body express what the heart and mind are going throughCurrently there is not enoughmeasurable scientific data on grief and furtherresearch isstillneededMostof theexisting informationfocusesonvictimsoftraumaAlthoughalltraumainvolvesgriefitisimportanttorememberthatnot
all grief is traumatic Western psychology usually views the body as anafterthoughtproclaimingthatthegrievingprocesshappensmainlyinourmindsMore recent research in the areas of psychology immunology andendocrinologyrevealsdatathatshowshowemotionalprocesseslikegriefaffectmore than just our mental functioning Psychophysiology shows how life-changingeventsinfluencevirtuallyeveryareaofapersonrsquosphysicalandmentalconstitution from thought patterns to emotionalwell-being immune functionandoverallhealth(RosenbaumandVarvin2007Ulvestad2012VandenBerget al 2012) Western science is just now discovering and documentingconnectionsformulatedagesagofromthemeditativeobservationsofpracticingyogisTheevidenceofthemind-bodyconnectionsdiscoveredbythesescientistsistrulyfascinatinganditsimpactintheareaofgriefworkisonlybeginningtobefelt
Two of themain symptoms associatedwith grieving are pain in the chestmuscles and disruptions of the circadian rhythms particularly the sleep cyclePeople experience a variety of symptoms that usually change as the grievingprocess unfolds What should be eminently clear from the following table(adaptedwithpermissionfromLunche1999)isthatgriefaffectsthebody
PHYSICALSYMPTOMSOFGRIEF
Pain
Feelingoftightnessinthechest
Feelingoftightnessinthethroat
Alterations in the breathing patterns (shortness of breath frequentsighing)
Fatigueexhaustionlowenergy
Sleeppatterndisruption(insomniaorexcessivesleep)
Eatingpatterndisruption(overeatingoranorexia)
Alterationofthecardiacrhythms(bradycardiatachycardiaarrhythmia)
Digestivesystemupset
Generalizedtension
Restlessnessirritability
Increasedsensitivitytostimuli
Drymouth
Table2Physicalsymptomsofgrief
Grief is mainly orchestrated by the limbic system Itrsquos a central structure
withinthenervoussystemdeeplyinvolvedinthewayweexperienceemotionsThelimbicsysteminitiallygatherssensoryinformationaboutanexperienceandcomparesthatinformationwithpreviouslystoredknowledgehousingmemoriesof past similar experiences our belief systems and cultural values It thenassigns the experience an emotional tone and integrates a response Then theoutermost sheet of neuronal tissue in the brain the neocortex processes theexperiencefurtherandassignsmeaningtoitonadeeperlevel
Alterationsofthenormalfunctionsofthelimbicsystemresultin
irritability
moodiness
depression
negativethinking
negativeperspective
sleepandappetitedisorders
socialisolation
decreasedorincreasedsexualdriveand
motivation
Manyoftheitemsonthislistofmooddisturbancesandothersymptomsare
classicfeaturesofanormalgrievingprocesssolidifyingthecaseforthelimbicsystemrsquosinvolvementWhentakingalookatothermentalandsocialsymptomsofgrief thisconnectionwith thefunctionsof the limbicsystembecomesevenclearer
MentalSymptomsofGrief
Negativeanticipatorythinking
Disbelief
Confusion
Disorientation
Absentmindedness
Forgetfulness
Poorconcentration
Distraction
Difficultyfocusingandattending
Lowmotivation
Expectingtoseethedeceased
Expectingthedeceasedtocall
Preoccupationwiththedeceased
Feelingtheneedtotellandretellthestorysurroundingtheloss
Dreamsorimagesofthedeceased
Denial
Thinkingaboutotherdeathsandlosses
SocialSymptomsofGrief
Beingisolatedbyothers
Withdrawingfromsocialactivities
Diminisheddesireforsocialactivities
Copingwithlabelslikeldquowidowedrdquoldquosinglerdquoetc
Hidinggriefbytakingcareofothers
Losingfriendsmakingnewfriends
Table3Mentalandsocialsymptomsofgrief(adaptedwithpermissionfromLunche1999)
AccordingtoDrJamesGardnerldquoGriefbeginsinthebrainrdquoandaffectsthe
brainldquofromthehighestcorticalcentersandtemporal lobestothedeepermoreprimitive structures in the limbic systemrdquo For our neurotransmitters thebuilding blocks of the brain that are essential for intercellular communicationgrief ldquoaffects the way we process some of these chemicalsrdquo including theneuropeptides(20026)
On a biochemical level we react as though our entire existence is beingthreatenedAccordingtoGardnerldquoAstheserotoninsystemisweakenedbytheemotionalstressoflosstheanxietyresponseistriggeredrdquo(20026)Hegoesontosaythatthebodyrsquosfight-or-flightreactionincludesthereleaseofadrenalineThereleaseofhormonesincreasesheartrateandbloodpressurestressfulsignalsactivate the endocrine glands and affect the heart stomach various musclegroupsand thebloodvessels themselvesOthersymptoms include thecoolingof the extremities pupil dilation tremors sweating and nausea due tohyperventilationTakingitscuesfromthebrainthebodyreactstothefullforceofthelossasamenacingdangeradirectthreattooursurvival
NeuroplasticityandItsImplicationsforGrief
Even though grief is seemingly an omnipresent challenge influencing ourbrain chemistry we might consider the following news to be positive
Neuroplasticityreferstothebrainrsquosabilitytochangeitsstructureandfunctioninresponse to experience training and practice In the twentieth century ourbrainswere thought todevelopwithinacriticalperiodduringearlychildhoodand to then remain relatively immutable This thinking meant that once wepassedthecriticalperiodofdevelopmentwewerebasicallystuckinthosewaysforeverhardwiredfixedinformandfunctionThisbeliefloweredexpectationsaboutthevalueofrehabilitationforthosewhohadsufferedbraininjuryfromastrokeforexample
Becausepsychiatricconditionsare related tospecificneuronalpathways inthebrainthisalsomeantthatoncedevelopedamentalillnesswouldbealmostimpossibletotreatsuccessfully(Begley2007)SharonBegleyajournalistwhoreportsoncurrenttrendsonhealthandsciencewroteinTimemagazineldquoTherewasgood reason for lavishly illustratedbrainbooks to show the function sizeand location of the brainrsquos structures in permanent inkrdquo This prevailing viewalso reinforced limited mental perceptions It was simply a brain-determinedrealitythatafterlosingonersquoshouseonemightneverfeeltrulyathomeagainorafterlosingaspouseonecouldneverfindloveagain
These beliefs have been challenged by findings that reveal that manyfunctions of the brain remain plastic even into adulthood Substantial changeshave been documented showing that an individual can consciously andprofoundly alter the way his or her neurons are activated in response toexperience These alterations affect both the brainrsquos physical anatomy andfunctionalorganizationsignifyingthatthebraincananddoeschange
ldquoNeuronsThatFireTogetherWireTogetherrdquo
This is a common saying in the field of neuroscience New connectionsbetweennervouscellsareformedasweengageindifferentactivitiesThesenewneuronalpathwaysarestrengthenedwhenwerepeatthoseactivitieswiringthenervouscellstogetherThemorewerepeattheseactivitiesthemorepermanenttheconnectionsbecome
Even though these findings relate to how the brain compensates for injuryanddiseasethismechanismappliestobrainactivityingeneralNeuroplasticitymakespersonalgrowthanddevelopmentpossiblebyallowingthenervecellsinthebrain toadjust theiractivities in response tonewsituationsandchanges intheir environment Although this process is automatic and happensindependentlyoutsidetherealmofconsciousintentionwecaninfactenhance
thesought-afterresultsbyincreasingconsciouspracticeThemorepracticethemoreingrainedorimprintedthenewconnectionsbecome
ResearchconductedonmusiciansbyneuroscientistAlvaroPascual-LeoneaprofessorofneurologyatHarvardUniversityindicatesthatwhiletheprocessistriggered by actual practicemere thought can also alter the physical structureandfunctionofourgraymatter(2001)Hefoundthattheincreasedbrainsurfaceactivated in subjects after practicing an instrument was equal to those wholdquothoughtrdquo of the scales to be practiced This revelation is important whenunderstandinggriefbecauseitvalidatestheuseoftechniquessuchasSankalpaor Resolve which uses repetition of statements that reflect a desired state ofbeingtoinducethebraintoremapitselftowardsuchareality
TheBrainrsquosInsatiableQuestforHappiness
A special area of interest for those performing current research inneurosciencehasbeenstudyingthebrainsofBuddhistmonksduringmeditationtoobservewhetherthereisanymeasurablechangeinbrainactivitywiththeuseof contemplativepractices Inorder tounderstandhowourbrains conduct ourinsatiablequestforhappinesssomethingthemonksarebelievedtoexperiencethanks to meditation Richard Davidson a neuroscientist at the University ofWisconsinatMadisonconductedstudiestofindoutifwecanthinkofemotionsmoods and states suchascompassionasmental skills that could somehowbeingrainedinapersonthroughtrainingWhencomparingtheactivityinthebrainsofthegroupofmonksversusthoseofacontrolgroupwhodidnotmeditatethemoststrikingdifferencewasinanareaintheleftprefrontalcortexbelievedtobethesiteofactivitythatsignalshappiness(Davidson2012)Whilethemonkswere generating feelings of compassion activity in the left prefrontal cortexswamped activity in the right prefrontal cortex to a degree never before seenfrom purely mental activity (The right prefrontal cortex is associated withnegative moods) On the other hand the individuals belonging to the controlgroup showed no such differences between the left prefrontal cortex and therightAccordingtoDavidson thissuggests that thepositivestateisaskill thatcanbelearned
PracticeReshapesYourBrain
Thenewunderstandingofneuroplasticityrelatedtothepowerofthemindrsquosability to change our brains promises something fundamental for theunderstanding of grief By employing intentional and conscious physical andmental practice we can change our relationship to ourselves during ouremotionallyfluctuatinggrievingprocessEachactionweperformeachthoughtwe think each word we speak then becomes an arrow shot into the field ofmanifestationanopportunityforanewconnectioninthebraintomodifytheoldandemphasizetheestablishmentofanewidentity
While the focus of this book is not brain biology or neurochemistry it isimportant tounderstand justhowstronga forcegrief isRegardingourmentaland emotional landscape we now comprehend that our emotional life isinformedbythethoughtswethinkbyhowthebrainitselfreactstoexperiencesinstructingourbodies tobehaveYounow seehowmanyof the symptomsofgrief directly relate to how our brains reactwhen facing loss Recall how theattachmentstopeoplefromtheearlieststagesofourlifeformulateourpsychicbasis for the adult emotions of love and compassion Loss is a real materialexperience affecting us at every layer of our existence The following table(adapted with permission from Lunche 1999) indicates profound changes inbehaviorswhenwearegrievingAswedeepenourunderstandingofhowourbrains serve as the basis for many of these symptoms we can normalizeprofoundchangesthatarepowerfullyalteringrealityasweknewit
BehavioralSymptomsofGrief
Crying(sometimesunexpectedly)
Searchingforthedeceased
Carryingspecialobjects
Goingtothegravesite
Makingandkeepinganaltar
Keepingbelongingsintact
Lookingatphotosorvideosofthedeceased
Listeningtoaudiorecordingsofthedeceased
Talkingtothedeceased
Avoidingsituationsthatarousegrief
Changesindailyroutine
ldquoStayingbusyrdquo
Assumingmannerismsofthedeceased
Table4Behavioralsymptomsofgrief
By getting a sense of how intensely all systems are involved in the
bereavement process it becomes more evident that engaging certain yogaexercisesintendedtounitemindandbodyareeffectiveinbringingbackasenseof cohesion and personal control in times of grief Through breath workphysical movements and specific techniques designed to for example helpresetthefunctioningoftheendocrinesystemwecantakethisinformationaboutgriefandputittogooduseWecanapplytoolstointegrateconsciousresponsesthat help our brains reshape themselves in an active and insightfulwayYogahelpsustobemorepresentforourfeelingsofgriefanditisperhapsthemostcompletebodyofpracticalknowledgeyoucanseekout
Wewill now look at what this ancient discipline expresses as to whywegrieveandhowgriefrelatestoitsprecursorattachment
Chapter2
YogaandGrief
Yogarsquos quest to resolve human suffering is probably as old as the disciplineitself Since yogarsquos entrance into mainstream Western culture it has beentailored to meet the needs of a variety of practitioners Western styles andmodulations of yoga have complemented the ancient original schools orbranchesOne of the results of this diversification has been the emergence ofyoga therapy This system is perfectly designed for the application of yogarsquosteachings philosophy and unique methods for addressing and transformingpersonal imbalances manifesting as diseases or disorders Even though otherdisciplinessuchasyogachikitsaandAyurvedadealwiththetherapeuticprocessyoga therapy isactuallymorehelpful inaddressing thegrievingprocess in thebodymindandspirit
I have come to understand grief as one of the most prevailing andunacknowledged feelings in the human heart through my personal andprofessional experiences As a yogi I recognize the need for a more Spirit-centeredapproachtodealingwithgriefWitnessingtheeffectsonmystudentsalongwithmypersonalexperienceofpracticingyogaformanyyearshasgivenmeadeepunderstandingofyogarsquoseffectivenessintreatinggrief
Initially yoga helps us to manage some of the physical and emotionalsymptomsofgriefAsonersquospracticedeepensyogaoffersprofoundinsightsintothe difference between the suffering intrinsic to grief and that of attachmentwhich I call the precondition for grief Letrsquos examine some philosophicalunderpinningsofyogaandhowtheycandemystifyourrelationshiptogrief
TheFiveSpokesontheWheelofSufferingThefirstextantwrittenworkonyogathatpresentsacomprehensivephilosophyonthenatureofsufferingandhowtoalleviateitisTheYogaSutrasofPatanjali(Bryant2009)InthistextattachmentmdashthepreconditionforgriefmdashisnamedasoneofthefiverootcausesofsufferingthatinevitablyleadtopainandconfusionTogethertheyare
ignoranceofthetruth
egoism
attachment
aversionand
fearofdeath
IgnoranceofthetruthreferstoignoringtheessentialrulesthattheuniverseabidesbyAnexampleof this is to expect a flower tobeborn fullybloomedthen develop backward decreasing in size until it becomes a seed Thismisapprehension can be seen as a metaphor of life in general all livingorganismshaveadefinitebeginningandaperiodofdevelopmentandthenmeettheir end Therefore anyone contesting the flowerrsquos organic nature promotespersonalsuffering
Egoismreferstofalseidentificationwiththemindandbodyexclusivelyandignoring the Spirit The nature of both body andmind is one of craving Thebody craves heat food touch and rest the mind craves acknowledgmentidentificationandseekschangeOnceanyofourneedsbecomesatisfied thenimmediatelythenextonekicksinTheSpiritconverselyneedsnothingbecauseitcontainseverythingandisthesourceofeverythingByincludingourSpiritinour identificationwegaincontactwithanaspectofourselves that issatisfiedtrulyandcompletely(Satyananda1976)
Attachment refers to our dependency on the permanence of a personrsquospresence or an objectrsquos continued availability to produce and sustain ourhappinessAttachmentcomesfromthepositiveexperienceswehaveinlifeandthememoriesweforminassociationwiththemSinceallthingsarebytheirtruenatureabsolutely impermanentoursuffering isensuredwhen thingsdisappearordieOf the fivecausesof suffering attachmenthas aparticularly importantroleingriefandisthereforediscussedfurtherinthefollowingsection
Aversion is the opposite of attachment and is derived from negativeexperiencesinlifeItrefers tothingswedonrsquot likepromptingustoturnawayfrom them Because the likelihood of all things happening is evenly spreadacross the spectrumof reality thingswedonrsquot likewill inevitablyoccurmdashandwesufferyetagain
Fearof death refers to a feeling human beings experience as part of theiremotional makeup Because death is inevitable fearing it is a sure ticket tosufferingRegardlessofhoworwhenweinstinctivelyknowwhatwefearwill
arriveatsomepointThesefivecausesofsufferingbecomelikeawheelinahamstercageLike
naivehamsterswehurlthewheelintoperpetualmotionrunningtowardnoendIfwechoosetoignoretheessentialtruthwebecomeidentifiedwithourbodiesandmindsonlyThisleadsustogenerateattachmentsandaversionstheultimatebeingaversion toourowndeath ignoring the truth thatwe toowill inevitablydie
In Four Chapters on Freedom Swami Satyanandarsquos commentary on TheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliwearetoldthatourldquodesireforliferdquoisldquosustainedbyitsownforcerdquo(1976154)Itisbecauseofanattachmenttoourphysicalbodytheswami says that we cling to life and fear natural processes like disease anddeath Since grief appears as a result of losing those things or personswe areattachedtoTheYogaSutrascanexplaintheintimaterelationshipbetweengriefand suffering I am not suggesting that if we could somehow eliminateattachment our liveswould be problem-free and all sufferingwould end ThefourothercausesareequallypotentandimportantCouldsimplyenvisioningtheeliminationofsufferingbringsomeeasetoourmindsByjustbeingconsciousof the five causes of sufferingwe combat the initial barrier of ignorance thatpreventsusfromknowingourtrueselves
AttachmentItsSpecialRoleforGrievers
ThenegativeimplicationsofattachmentarequitedifficultforushumanstocomprehendWhyisdealingwithattachmentsodifficultWeformattachmentsto perpetuate the comfort and safety we are accustomed to receive from thethings andpersonswe attach toYetwe can never know just how long thosethingsorpersonswillremainFormingattachmentsseemstobeinherentinthehumancondition
Yoga addresses this uncertainty and invokes the universal truth that ldquoAllthings come to an endrdquo This calms the mindrsquos craving for knowledge andprovidesananswertotheyearningquestionmanygrieversaskthemselvesafteralossWhy
When we form attachments we are relying on the permanence of thingsWhenthosethingsvanishtheresultforusisapredictableonewesufferIntheepic Indian tale of the Bhagavad Gita prince Arjuna turns to his charioteerKrishnaforcounselonthebattlefieldWhileseeminglyjustadvisingthewarrioronmilitarystrategyLordKrishnaactuallyimpartsdeepspiritualwisdomtothe
unknowingseekerHeidentifiesattachmentasthebeginningofachainreactionofturbulentemotions
ldquoWhilecontemplatingtheobjectsofthesensesapersondevelops
attachmentforthemandfromsuchattachmentlustdevelopsandfromangerlustarisesrdquo
mdashVerse62(1972122)
ldquoFromangercompletedelusionarisesandfromdelusionbewildermentofmemoryWhenmemoryisbewilderedintelligenceislostandwhenintelligence
islostonefallsdownagainintothematerialpoolrdquo
mdashVerse63(1972123)
This explanation of how attachment manifests in human beings is anillumination from a realized master such as Krishna to the aspiring yogi(Bhaktivedanta 1972) This sage wisdom applies to every one of us who islearningandaspiringhereonEarthFormotherswhoseheightenedattachmentwith their infants is directly connected to the continued survival of theiroffspringenvisioningalifeofnonattachmentseemsnearlyimpossibleFormostofhumanitythatisalsotrueYetyogaoffersuspureknowledgethatappliestolifewithintheframeworkofwhatisfeasibleforeachoneofusYogadoesnotjustrelyonphilosophyhowevertoexplainwhywegrieveitpinpointsgriefinanahatachakraaspecificplaceinthebody
ExploringtheChakrasandHowTheyRelatetoGrief
TheSanskritwordchakra translates toldquowheelrdquo inEnglishThisevokesanimage of swirling energy the stirring of emotional and psychic contents Thesevenchakrasconfigureapathwaymovingfromprimalemotionsandsensations(fearangerdisgust)toloveandcompassionandspiritualconnection
According to yoga philosophy human beings are in a state of continuousevolutionThisevolutionissymbolizedbythespiralingmovementofkundalinian invisible energy that when awakened flows upward from the base of the
spine to the topof thehead (Satyananda1985)During its course this energymakes contact with several psychic centers (chakras) each of which signifiesdifferentstagesinourjourneytowardcompleteselfhoodJohnSelbystatesthateachchakracorrespondstoamajorendocrineglandamainautonomicnerveorgroupofnervesandthefunctionstheyregulatewithinthebodyandaspecificmanifestationoraspectofhumanconsciousness(1992)
The chakra system is a brilliant map for understanding the connectionbetweenmindbodyandspirit Itoffersadiagnostic toolaswell asa fieldofoperation for understanding and managing some of the difficult emotionsinvolved in griefGetting in touchwith these emotions unveils aspects of thepotential life lessons hidden in the symptoms we are experiencingWe beginmakingconnectionsbetweenthesensationswefeel inourbodiesandhowourthinkingisaffectedbysuchsensationsWitnessinghowthethreeessentialpartsofourselvesmdashthementalthephysicalandthespiritualmdashinteractweareabletoseethateachthoughtandemotionhasacorrelatewithinourphysicalbodyThisrecognitionfacilitatesourjourneyofintegrationandevolutionofconsciousness
ROOTCHAKRATHESURVIVOR
Thefirstchakra(mooladhara)islocatedatthepelvicfloorandcorrespondswiththecoccygealplexusofnervesInmenitliesintheperineumbetweentheurinary and excretory openings In women it is situated inside the posteriorsurfaceofthecervix
This chakra relates to our feelings and perceptions and the bodily
mechanisms associatedwith our survival and explains the fear some grievershavewithregardtotheirabilitytocontinuesimplygoingonlivingafteralossIn fact even when we are actually safe and secure there can be underlyingthoughtsandemotionsthatturnonthefight-or-flightresponsewhichproducesan increased heart rate and sweaty palms Because this is a basic ldquosurvivalmoderdquo reaction typicalofhumanbeings it canbe interpretedasa first chakraemanation symbolizing our primary instinct for survival our clinging toexistencewhilefearingnaturalprocesseslikedeath
We recognize how attachment to pleasure-giving sensory objects andaversiontowardexternalsourcesofdispleasurebecomehardwiredWhenfacedwith grief we can understand how oftentimes the griever wishes to join thedeceasedasifhisorherverysurvivalwerelinkedtothecontinuityofthebondBecausegriefcanseduceustomistakenlyidentifythelossofalovedoneasathreattoourexistencetheresultcanbeanaturalinclinationtomergewiththedeceased
Becauseofitsconnectionwiththematerialworldwealsoseeinthischakrathe difficulty grievers typically experience in performing the usual tasks thatensurephysicallifeThefatiguethatmanypeoplefeelduringgriefisalsotypicalofanimbalancein thiscenterThischakra isapotentsourceofallourearthlydesiresandthefeargreedandpossessivenesswemightfeelwhengrievingareassociated with it An example could be wishing to hold on to a deceasedrsquostreasuredobjectsorpossessions
Additionallybecause the firstchakra isassociatedwith thesenseofsmellthe common occurrence of grievers being reminded suddenly of the deceasedbased on encountering a smell associated with that person can be seen asemanatingfromthischakra
SACRALCHAKRATHEBIRTHPLACEOFDESIRE
Thesecondchakra(swadhisthana)isfoundatthebaseofthespineItrelatestothesacralplexusofnervesandsymbolizestheunconsciousItisalsorelatedto our overall emotional awareness and ability to experience our feelingsStronglyconnectedtothesexualorgansandtheirproductsdesiresandcravingstakeondefiniteformanddirectioninthischakraThischakraisalsoassociatedwithmovementespeciallyemotionaltypesofmovementIntermsofgrieftheinvolvementofthischakracanmanifestasalackofsexualdesireorconverselyastrengtheningofsexualappetiteThedifficultysomeexperience inaccessingintimacy or being social with others is a typical characteristic of a disturbed
secondchakraTheassociatedsensewiththischakraistasteSometimesthereisa certain taste some grievers notice along with other more typical symptomssuchasdrymouthanddisruptionsofnormaleatinghabits
NAVALCHAKRAWILLPOWERMADEMANIFEST
Thethirdchakra(manipura)sitsalongthespinalcolumndirectlybehindthenavelItcorrespondstothesolarplexusandphysiologicallyrelatestodigestionassimilationand temperature regulation in thebodyThischakrarepresentsanimportant step in the evolution of consciousness because it connects ourwillpowerwithourdesirespromotingmanifestationonthephysicalplaneThedifficulty inmaking decisions felt bymany grievers is an involvement of thethirdchakraWebecomeconfusedas towhat courseof action isbestbecauseourwillpowerissoprofoundlycompromisedWesometimesresorttotakingnoactionatall lacking themotivationneeded toconfront thefearof thechangeswearefacing
Some individuals throw themselves into work Others place a heightenedemphasis on an exuberant social life after loss to keep away from the painfullack of familiarity with the new unchartered reality The literal translation ofmanipura isldquocityof jewelsrdquoandit refers to thepreciousgemsofactionlyingdormant in this centerwaiting tobeunearthedby thepowerofour consciousintention The associated sense for this chakra is sight and I believe it canexplaincommonexperiencessomebereavedhaveofnotseeingthingsthatareinplainsightmdashforexamplesearchingfranticallyforhousekeysonlytofindthemintheappropriateplace justafewminutes laterornotseeingtheexitsignonthefreewayeventhoughitisthesameexitagrieverhastakenforthepastfiveyearswhen returninghomeEvenldquoseeingrdquo thedeceasedwithin themidst of acrowdonabusystreetcouldberelatedtothethirdchakra
HEARTCHAKRATHEREFUGEOFLOVE
Thefourthchakra(anahata)liesinthevertebralcolumnbehindthebaseoftheheart at the levelof thedepression in the sternum It relates to thecardiacplexusofnerveswhichinfluencesthefunctioningoftheheartandlungsThesearetwokeyareasthatareoftenaffectedbygriefmanifestingasdisruptionsofbothcardiacandbreathingrhythmsTheheartchakracorrespondstothethymusglandwhich relates to immunefunctionDuringbereavement it iscommon toexperienceanexacerbationofpreexistinghealthconditionsoranincreasedriskforsicknessduetoimmunesystemdepressionThischakraisthequintessentialblendingofmatterandSpirittheevolutionaryoasisonourpathtowardspiritual
fulfillmentItiswhereemotionalbondingandattachmentaredevelopedAstheseatofhumanloveitalsorelatestothepowerofloveasahealingforce
ThesenseassociatedwithanahataistouchIngriefthissenseisimportantbecause through touchwe fully experience theabsenceof thatwhichwehavelost Just think of the needmany individuals feel for touch after spousal lossImaginehowliberatingahugcanfeeltofacilitatethepowerfulreleaseofpent-upemotion
THROATCHAKRATHEPOWEROFSOUND
Thefifthchakra(vishuddhi)liesatthelevelofthethroatpitinthevertebralcolumnThischakracorrespondstothecervicalplexusofnervesandrelatestothethyroidglandandalsocertainsystemsofarticulationtheupperpalateandtheepiglottisThe thyroidrsquos involvement iskey ingrief thedisturbanceof theproductionof adrenaline canbe the sourceof feelingsofdepletion aswell asweight gain or loss that cannot be directly attributable to changes in eatinghabitsThiscentercanalsobethesourceforsomeofthehormonalimbalancesandmoodswingsexperiencedwhengrieving
Vishuddhi chakra is known as the purification centerwhere the powers ofcommunicationlieItdealssymbolicallywithsoundandvibrationOftenthosegrieving have difficulty talking about their grief or articulating their feelingsaboutalossTheoverwhelmingneedforsomegrievingindividualstohavetheirstories heard is another indication of this chakrarsquos involvement Because theassociatedsensewiththischakraishearingwecanunderstandtheimportanceofvoicingpainfulaswellasjoyfulmemoriesinthemidstoflossFifth-chakradisturbancescanalsoresultinsorethroatsandpainintheneckandshouldersmdashareasverycommonlyaffectedbygriefThesensationoffeelingchokedcanbeassociatedwiththischakraaswell
THIRD-EYECHAKRAWISDOMFOUNDWITHIN
The sixth chakra (ajna) lies in themidline of the brain directly above thespinal columnandcorrespondswith thepinealglandThischakracontrols themuscles and theonset of sexual activity inhumans It has control over all thefunctionsofthebodyItisthechakraofpuremindrepresentingahigherlevelofawarenessItisusuallycalledtheldquothirdeyerdquoanditissaidthatwhereasthetwophysicaleyes lookoutward the thirdeye looks inward In thatsense it revealsthe intuitive knowledge independent from the information supplied by thesenses
Ajnaisthewitnessingcenterwhereonebecomesthedetachedobserverofallevents including those within the body and the mind Sleep disorders are atypicalinvolvementofthischakrabecauseofitsrelationshiptothepinealglandand its main biochemical product melatonin Because of its connection withinner vision we might experience broader issues related to our perceptionfinding difficulty in seeing the road ahead Other common symptoms includecoordinationproblemssuchasaccidentallybumpingintothefurniture
On a positive note this chakra serves as a reminder that it is by lookingwithin that we find the source of all the feelings and thoughts that come upduringtheupheavalcreatedbylossBywitnessingtheendlessfluctuationsandchangeswithinourownmindswecanapproachstillnessInessencewhileourmindsstruggletounderstandourlossesourSpiritsknowandarereadytoacceptthem as a part of the normal cycle of life and existence The source of theknowledge thatwecanapply toprocessgriefcomesfromourconnectionwiththe intuitivewisdom the Spirit has rather than the acquired knowledge of thedualisticmindItisbecauseofthisdualisticaspectofthemindwhichisunableto recognize the night if it does not know the day that we cling to thepermanence of things attempting to ensure the continuance of the treasuredconnectionsThemindstrugglestounderstandthateventhoughalovedonemaybeabsentheorsheisstillpresentandinterwoveninthefabricofouridentity
CROWNCHAKRAWITNESSTOAGREATERREALITY
The seventh chakra (sahasrara) is the culmination of the kundalinirsquosenergeticpathwayseenastheseatofhigherawarenessItissituatedatthetopof the head and is physically correlated to the pituitary gland called theldquocommandcenterrdquowhichregulatestheentireendocrinesystemOnasymboliclevel it is in thischakrawhere thedualmindis transcendedandweenter intoperfectconsciousharmonywiththeonenessoftheuniverseWhenthischakraisout of balance during bereavement it results in depression alienation andconfusionThischakraalsorelatestothechallengesthatgriefimposesononersquosownspiritualbeliefs
BodyArmorADifferentTakeontheChakras
Thechakrasystemidentifiesspecificlocationsinthebodyandrelatesthemwith different types of emotions Wilhelm Reich the famous Austrianpsychoanalystcameupwithasimilarnotionwhenhedescribedhisconceptof
ldquobodyarmorrdquoheanalyzedhowmentalconflictsareexpressedinthebodyoftenthroughmuscularornervoustensionandhowthismechanismcouldbeintendedto protect the consciousness from accessing psychic content associated withtheseareas(1949)
EssentiallyReichrsquosviewis thatweshieldourselveswith thestiffarmorofmuscular tensionandassociatedbody language toavoidexperiencingnegativefeelingsThefieldsofpsychosomaticmedicineandsomaticpsychotherapyhavefurtherdeepenedthestudyof thesemechanismsandfoundrevealingcorrelatesbetweendiseaseprocessesandwhatanindividualisgoingthroughinhisorheremotional and psychic life For example when an individual is dealing withboundaryissuesheorshemightdevelopaskinconditionWhensomeonefindsit intolerable toexamineonersquos realityeyeproblemsmightdevelopOfcoursenothing is quite as simple as the examplesgivenyet the relationshipbetweenourmindsandourbodiesisundeniable
Whenconsideringthewidevarietyofsymptomsfoundingrief itbecomesevidentthatgriefaffectsthewholebeingUnderstandingthesignificanceofthechakrasinourphysicalbodiesandhowtheyrelatetoouroverallexperienceiskeyinourthinkingaboutgriefwhenpracticingBylearningthedifferentrolesthat the chakras play in our bodies and how they affect us emotionally theeffects of our yoga practice are deepened Exploring our knowledge of thechakrasystemleadstoanefficientandhelpfulwaytounderstandthemind-bodyconnectionanditsrelationshiptothevaryingsymptomsofgrief
TheHeartChakraAStartingPointforGrief
Although all chakras are involved during the grieving process the heartchakraistheprimaryonewhentalkingaboutgriefBecauseemotionalbondingdevelopsthereanahata isanessentialchakratoaddresswhenbuildingayogapracticeforaddressingthesymptomsandconsideringthenatureofthegrievingprocess It is thebridgebetween the lowerchakrasand thehigherones In thewords of John Selby ldquo[B]elow the heart chakra lies the world of matter ofsurvivalandprocreationofmanipulationandmasteryoverthephysicalrealmsof life Above lies the world of Spirit of pure thought and intuition ofinterpersonalcommunicationandultimatelyuniversalunityandtranscendenceTheheartchakrainitsmostbasicsenseisthemarriageofmatterandspiritofconcrete and abstract of knowledge andwisdomof earth andheavenrdquo (1992147) It represents a specifically human kind of evolution the growth of
humanityoutofdepthsoflowerordersandemotionsAs theseatof love thischakra iswhereour truechallenge lieswhen loss
occurswemustgothroughthedifficulttransitionfromldquolovinginpresencerdquotoldquolovinginabsencerdquoWecanskillfullyaskourselvesaboutthelosswearefacingIsourgriefaconsequenceofpureloveorpureattachmentItmaybeinterestingto notice the overlapping of these closely related emotions but according toyogathereisindeedadifferenceAsitissaidinyogaldquoLoveiswhatrsquosleftafteryoursquove let go of everything you loverdquo In this sense attachment can be seenpracticallyastheoppositeofloveaconceptthatmanifestsinsuchphrasesasldquoIfyoulovesomethingletitgordquo
YogarsquosquestforunconditionallovealsopertainstotheideathatlovingwiththeconditionofpresenceisnotrealloveldquoIloveyouaslongasyouarearoundrdquoisaratherlimitingconceptonethatdoesnothonortheexpansivenessofloveItis yet another example of the dualistic mind that validates reality based onphysicalpresenceWhatwecannotseewhatwecannottouchwetendtotreatas nonexistent To accept that love continues despite the absence of ourattachmentwemust transcenddualistic thinkingandembrace the inevitabilityofchange
Practicing yoga helps us to better understand this duality of love andattachment By developing a deeper awareness of and working on our heartchakraandthephysicalsensationsandfunctionsassociatedwithitanindividualcan experience enlightening expansion resulting in profound healingWe gainthe ability to synthesize our physical mental and spiritual awareness into apractice that acknowledges both the relocation of the deceased and onersquos owncontinuedpresenceon thisplaneofexistenceWhatbetterwaytohonora lostlovedone
GriefrsquosChallengetoSpiritualityldquoNot yet settled in a permanent home the soul takes temporary shelter in abodyrdquo says Kural 340 (Subramuniyaswami 1999 136) Ultimately thedifferencebetween traditionalpsychotherapyrsquos treatmentof thegrieverand theyogicviewisthespecialattentionyogagivestotheSpiritThesolutionforallcausesofsufferingofferedinTheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliistoreducethemtotheir source and deal with the resistance of the mind through meditation(Satyananda1976)Someofthespiritualsymptomsassociatedwithgriefcanbeseeninthefollowingtable
SPIRITUALSYMPTOMSOFGRIEF
FeelingangryatGod
AskingquestionsaboutGodlikeWhywouldGodallowthis
Asking questions about death and the deceased such asWhere is shenow Is he okay Can she see meWill I see him againWhat willhappenwhenIdie
Sensingthedeceasedrsquospresence
Hearingsmellingorseeingthedeceased
Havingdeathaffirmorchallengebeliefs
Experiencingawewondermystery
Reflectingonpersonalfinitude
Feelingtheneedtocontinuearelationshipwiththedeceased
Table5Spiritualsymptomsofgrief
ForsomegrieverslosscausesasplitfromspiritualityDoubtssurfaceabout
how life can continue in any meaningful way after someone dies Godrsquosgoodness is questionedwhen a child is killed People often feel anger towardGodwhenthelosstheyaregoingthroughseemssenselessorunfairForothersa similar loss can actually be a creative spark to onersquos individual spiritualjourney igniting a flame that yearns to connect with their untapped SpiritInquirymightresultinfindingnewanswersorindiscardingtheoldones
Especially in the case of death the losseswewitness force us to face ourownmortalityWeanalyzeandquestion thenatureof therelationshipwehavewith our own Spirit Impermanence as we know it forces us to question ourbeliefstoinquireaboutthemeaningoflifeandtowonderabouttheunknownYogadrawsinspirationfromthistypeofself-inquiryIfinfactasyogateachesuswe have everythingwe need for a good life then goingwithin seems therightdirectiontotakeSearchingfortheSpiritwithinthenbecomesarefugeavalidplaceforunderstandingandcreatingmeaningoutofloss
LoveBeyondAttachmentGrief and suffering are intrinsically intertwinedTherefore yoga as a spiritualdisciplineisanaturalfitasausefulsystemtoaddressgriefGriefrsquosrelationshiptoattachmentdepicts thenormalreaction tooneof thefiveessentialcausesofsufferingasstatedbythesagePatanjaliestablishinghowloveisdifferentfromalmostopposite to attachmentPlacedemotionallyandphysically inourheartchakra love is the positive expression of the chakra and attachment is thenegativeone
IntheWesternviewattachmentequalsloveandisalmostapreconditionforsurvivalBased on this leaders in the field of griefwork find that one of thegoalsofgriefcounselingand therapy is todevelopnewhealthierattachmentsAccordingtotheteachingsofyogathiscourseofactionleadstomoresufferingand actually undermines the transformative potential of our own grievingprocessByaccepting theultimate truths that theuniverse isbasedonandbyrelyingontheimpermanenceofourobjectsofattachmentwecandeveloptrueand enduring love that transcends the limitations of the physical placing lovebeyondattachmentOnly thendoweget in touchwithour trueessencemdashonlythenratherthanendingourjourneybeginshellip
ldquoThesoulrsquosattachmenttothebodyislikethatofafledglingwhichforsakes
itsemptyshellandfliesawayrdquo
mdashKural338(Subramuniyaswami1999136)
Any valid practical model destined to help those who are grieving mustinclude the spiritual challenges that grief presents It must also deal with thewaysinwhichthebodyexpressesgriefandthemindacknowledgestheresultingsuffering
The following chapter demonstrates my contribution to assist grievingindividualswith the complexities that grief entailsOutof necessitywebeginthe journeyofpracticebymeetinganydifficultieswith the forcesofwillTheresults of the practice itself and the wisdom one receives from thistransformativeendeavorwillbothamazeandinspireyou
Chapter3
HowtheYogaforGriefReliefPracticeWorks
Regardless of which worldviewmdashWestern or Easternmdashsuits you best it isimportant to remember that you must meet yourself where you are In thischapter I offer insights related to the purposeof each categoryof exercises inrelation to grief so that you can better understand how to address your needsBeforethatbeginsletrsquostakealookatanimportantprinciplethatappliestoyogaingeneralThetoolisneverasimportantastheonewhoiswieldingit
A piece of information an exercise or a technique is only useful if theoperatoriscautiousrespectfulcapableandconsciousWhetheryoupreferthepsychology-based approach of the Western model or the more spiritualunderstandingofEasternphilosophywhatrsquosmost important is toidentifywhatyouwanttodowithyourgriefbypracticingyogaThetoolsthatyouareabouttoreceivewillhelpaidyouinyourpursuit
Hereisametaphorthatmayhelpyoutounderstandthepowerofawarenesslocatedwithin yourself as you begin the practiceThe blacksmith can alwaysforge himself a new hammer but the hammer cannot make itself a newblacksmith In other words you will see that the process of reidentificationsproutsfromthesorrowfulseedsthatlieamidyourowngrief
As you start tomove through the pain of loss ask yourself how youwillapproachandengage in theyogapracticeWhatwouldyou like toaccomplishwith it As you incorporate various techniques to help cope with differentsymptoms encountered in your grief you will notice changes in your bodymind and emotionsYour experience each timeyoupracticemaybeuniquelydistinctchangingdependingonthedayyourmoodyourphysicalstateoryourlife circumstances Sometimes doing the same yoga technique in themorninginstead of in the evening might reveal distinct information and produce verydifferenteffectsonthepractitionerAsyoureadthischapterkeepinmindthattheintentionofthepracticeistocontactthatpartofyourselfthatknowsnolossSome call it the observer the higher self or the true witness of all yourexperiences
HowThisPracticeWasBorn
When I originally created this practice for transforming grief a suitablesequence of techniquesmdashthe best possible information to serve grievingindividualsmdashcamepouringfromwithinmewithuncannyeaseIcanonlyrefertothisexperienceasanactofpureyogicinspirationForyearsIfeltshyaboutsharingthewayinwhichthispracticecametolifeDespitemystrongsenseofits therapeutic effectiveness I feared peoplewould underestimate the value ofthesequencebecauseithadnotrequiredmonthsofstruggleelaboratestudyordemanding intellectual focus Experiencing this spontaneous reception ofaccurateandappropriateinformationproducedinthedepthofmybeinggavemehumility and awe Even personally knowing the magic of yoga I still feltawkward about the easewithwhich this perfectly applicable sadhana showeditselfunveilingtomethetoolstoworkwiththebereaved
Sincethatextraordinarymomentbackin1994Ihavepersonallywitnessedthe power of Yoga for Grief Relief at work Whether in clinical or informalsettingsgrouporprivatesessionsprofessionaltrainingsorpersonalretreatsthetransformationalpowerofthissadhanacontinuestoamazeme
Incidentally it was much later that I was able to identify that preciousmissingelement inmyawarenessyoga iswithineachoneofusalreadyThisknowledge often manifests as intuition that influences our creativity and allaspectsofourlivesInitiallymyinsightsaboutthebodyrsquosinherentinvolvementinthegrievingprocesscamefrommyownexperienceIwitnessedhowmybodyexpressedwhatmymind could not accept regarding the death ofmy belovedmother
When shedied Iwasayoungmanadamantly refusing toacceptherdeathandthepainthatresultedfromitInsteadIcameupwithmultipleexcusesforescaping my present reality cleverly supporting my behavioral choices withthoughtsthatseemedtoworkItoldmyselfthatmymomdidnotbringmeuptobeasadcreaturemourningherdeathineverycornerofourhouseSoIbusiedmyselfwithstudyinganddistractedmyselfwithtripstothebeachIlookedforexcitementdancingallnightlongdrinkingandhavingablast
Two years after her death the denial of the impact and the tearing ofmyheartmanifestedphysicallyasabonespurrightinthecenterofmychestwhereone of my ribs meets the breastbone It resembled calcifications that areproduced internally after a fractureorchestratedby thebody to strengthen theskeletalsystemYesIhadabrokenheartandmybodyshowedthattome
When the Yoga for Grief Relief practice assumed its full form it wasembracedbypractitionersasausefulsetoftoolsaffirmingtheeffectivenessand
perfectionofengagingancientyogatoaddressthevarioussymptomsofmodern-daygriefAsIcarefullybuilttheYogaforGriefReliefprogramIfirstincludedexercises that I thoughtwould take careof themoreobviousbodily effectsofgriefNextIaddressedtheproblemofperceptionsofthebereavedmindinordertoeffectchange in theneuroendocrinesystemFinally Isought tohelppeoplechangetheirperceptionofthelossandredefinethemselvesbasedonanewfoundself-awareness
TheActivePrinciplesofthePracticeYogaoffers techniques toenhanceourawarenessof the inherentvibrantunityamong body mind and spirit For the body yoga offers asanas or physicalmovementsthatimprovevitalfunctionsandenhanceemotionalawarenessForthemindyogausespranayamaorbreathworkBecausethequalityandrhythmof our breathing changes as we experience different thoughts and emotionsactivelyworkingwithourbreathingpatternscanbeausefulwaytoaddressthementalsymptomsencounteredingriefFinallyyogaoffersmeditationtoaddressthe Spirit since once the body is still and themind entertained thatwhich isneithermindnorbodycanmorefullymanifest
The yoga system is precise in how it prescribes exercises for specificsymptomsmuchlikeWesternmedicinedoesyetitisuniqueinacknowledgingthat each exercise addresses the full being The six significant categories thathelpustomovethroughthegrievingprocessarebreathworkbodymovementscleansingtechniquesrelaxationmindreprogrammingandmeditation
PranayamaIntroducingLifeControlThroughBreathWork
Pranayamainvolvesworkingdirectlywithourmostabundantlife-bestowingenergy our breath (prana) These exercises restore our sense of control byconnecting us to our innermost vitalitywhich easily falls out of balance afterlossConsciouslyworkingwithourbreathhelpstoreestablishbalanceandcopewith the fearsome loss of control that grief often presents It also helps us toacquaintourselveswithourmindsmoreintimatelytoobservethewaysinwhichweprocessouremotionsBasedonthisobservationwecandecidewhichtoolsweneedtousetoactivateourenergywhenfeelingdepletedortorelaxandfeelcalmwhenfeelinganxious
Because breathing is automatic and normally performed unconsciously
working consciously with the breath helps us to bridge the gap betweenconsciousandunconsciousEach timeweengage thebreath thiswaywehelpunite the intentional conscious mind and the more hidden unconscious mindallowingustofocusonthoseaspectsthatremainintheshadowycornersofourawareness
It is impossible to change thatwhichwe donrsquot knowor acknowledgeWeneed to recognize the existence of somethingbeforewe can transform it It isthroughourbreathawarenessthatweanchorourauthenticexperiencebringingattention to life in the present moment Our challenge is acknowledging theactual moment as is rather than what we think about it the intention is toactuallyexperienceandviewtheconcreterealityofthemoment
InUruguaywhereIwasbornthereisapopularsayingldquoAlifeistowriteabook to plant a tree and to bring up a childrdquoMy spiritualmasterMaharajiPremPalSinghRawatgivesitabeautiful twistsayingldquoLifeisonebreathinandonebreathoutnomorenolessSoactuallywritingabookplantingatreeorbringingupachildarelsquostoriesrsquoofliferdquo(1990)Givingpresencetoourbreathwegivepresencetoourlifeaswell
ThetediousnatureofthebereavementprocessdemandsoratleastrequestspatienceandawarenesssomethingconsciousbreathingdevelopsAfterallitisnotpossibletotakethenextbreathbeforethepresentoneiscompletethisistheonlywayinwhichlifecanhappenjustonebreathatatime
AsanaToolsforTransformingtheBody
Specificphysicalposesalterthesymptomsofgriefbyaddressingpainlackofenergyandvariousstructuralmalformationsourbodiescancontortintosuchashunchedbacksorcaved-inchestsThesetoolsforsomatictransformationcanbeputintopracticetopromotemovementofthephysicalandpsychiccontentsin the body Essentially any symptom whether psychological or physicalindicatesablockageofenergyresultinginthedisruptionofthenaturalbalanceofourhealthBypromotingthemovementofenergyweallowthelifeforcetoflowtothoseplacesin thebodythatneedit themostWealsobringthelatentcontentsofourmindstothesurfaceofconsciousnessmakingthemavailabletowitnessexploreandultimatelytransform
Our bodies are profoundly involved in the grieving process and infinitelywiserthanourmindsTappingintothebodyrsquoswisdomthroughmovementwhilemonitoring our intensified sensations and feelings gives us a much-needed
awarenessoftheconnectionofbodyandmindIntentionallyengagingourbodyin thesepractices is essential for our continuedoptimalhealth andwell-beingEstablishingtheconnectionmentallyandphysicallyallowsthemindtousethebodyasananchorduringtimesofunrest
Whenfacedwithanexperiencethatweperceiveas threateningwetendtoshield ourselveswith emotional armor built from previous pain and sufferingHabituallycuttingofftheflowofourlifeforcetoavoidcontactwithunpleasantfeelings literallypreventsus fromprocessing thepainofour emotionsLikeahouseofcardsbuiltonillusionthischaradedepletesourresourcesanddistractsusfromthetaskofworkingwithourauthenticfeelings
Performing these asanas challenges the holdings of the bodyrsquos armor (seeldquoBodyArmorADifferent Take on theChakrasrdquo in chapter 2) and helps thenatural energy hubs (chakras) connect enhancing the continuous flow ofconsciousness By stirring up the emotional and psychic contents held in themusclememorywe can connectwith our story throughour bodyrsquos display ofbothstrengthandweakness
As you will find many of the asanas presented here support the bodyrsquosvigorouschallengetofacethesymptomsofgriefYogicactionisgreatlyvaluedand especially effective in transforming griefAmong themanyother benefitsyoga offers choosing specific postures helps the body release some of theunwantedgrief-inducedchemicalspresentinthebloodstream
ShatkarmaACleansingTechniquefortheMind
Shatkarmaisagroupofyogiccleansingtechniquesusedtoreleaseemotionsthoughtsorphysicalexperiencestrappedinthebody-mindThisprocesscanbelikened to cleaning the surface of a crystal First it allows us to dealwith thegrime then it addresseswhat lies below and finally it encounters the pristineclarityofthecrystalundisturbedbywhatcloudedit
Intheparticularcaseofdealingwithgriefbeliefsystemsworldviewsandpreexistingmentalprogrammingusuallycloudourability toperceiveourgriefasnormalThetoxicbyproductsofstressthedebilitatingactionontheimmunesystem and the neurologically induced negative anticipatory thinking can andmustbetransformedsowecanstarttofeelbetteranddiligentlyandpurposefullyaccessthehiddengemfoundwithingrief
RelaxationCombatingStress
Relaxing practices such asanga shaithilya or self-relaxation are vital fordiminishing stress levels that areusuallyheightenedduringgriefAdjusting toournewundefinedrealityoften involves learningnewcopingskillsForsomeof us that alone can increase stress Relaxation is a potent normalizer andantidotetodealwiththeresultingsymptomsofbothsomaticallyexpressedstressandmentalanguishAngashaithilyaalsohelpsregulatedisturbedvitalfunctionssuch as breathing and cardiac rhythms sleep cycles and eating habitsRelaxation is also fundamental in helping the body achieve homeostasisbalancing blood-pressure levels and resetting the overall endocrine systemwhich in turnhelps to reduceourdramaticmoodswingsandgeneral stateofirritability
SankalpaResettingtheMind
OneofthemosteffectivementalreprogrammingtechniquesyogapossessesisSankalpa thepowerfulyogicprinciple referred toasldquoResolverdquoSettingourintentionorsayingaprayeroftenoutloudcanhelpresetthebrainandfocusthemind The application for grief in particular helps address the scattered andshatteredlinearthinkingthat issocharacteristicofgriefByfocusingthemindand identifying the present situation grieving individuals can clarify whatspecificchanges they intend toaccomplishThis tool is simplycalledResolveanditsurelyldquoresolvesrdquoThispracticeengagesourfullpresenceindicatingthatone is resolved to take the next step Resolve combats negative anticipatorythinking that stems from grief-induced disturbances of the limbic system Itaccomplishesthisbyformulatingintentionsonlyinthepresenttenseproducingpositive mental alignment and offering a powerful antidote for fear-basedruminations
MeditationTheChiefTechniquetoAddresstheSpirit
Many people think meditation involves stopping the mind Due to thiserroneousmisconceptionmanyfrustratedandconfusedseekerschoosetototallydiscard meditation In truth the attempt to stop the mind is futile since itcontradictsthemindrsquosinherentfunctioningwhichconstantlyshiftsfromthepast
tothefuturefromtherealtothefantasizedRatherthanattemptingtostopthemindmeditationofferstheever-changingmindalimitedrangeofchangemdashforexamplegoingfromchantingoneomtoanotherormovingfromonerepetitionoftheRosarytoanotheroneThisinturncomfortablydistractsthemindduetoanaturalfeatureofthebrainthatmaskspermanentstimuli
TobetterunderstandthismaskingfeatureimaginesomeonewhomovestoanewhomeinfrontofrailroadtracksandhearseachandeverypassingtrainAfewmonthslaterwhileentertainingathomeadinnerguestexpressesprofoundconcernabouttheintensenoiseldquoWowthesetrainsmustdriveyoucrazyrdquoThehostqueriesunthinkinglyldquoWhattrainsrdquo
HowthePracticeFunctionsasaWholeThe sadhana that Irsquove developed follows its own inherent rhythm leading usthroughprogressivesteps for transforminggriefFirst ithelpsusprepare tobepresentforthefullpaletteofourfeelingsthenitpromotestheproperflowoflifeforcecreatingoptimalconditionsforhealingNext itstirs theemotionalheartdeepeningourconnectionwithouremotionsandthenitprovidesanoutletforthe ones we want to release Subsequently it offers some control over theemotionalrollercoasterofgriefsothatbalancecanthenbeachievedThroughrelaxation thedeep releaseof internalandexternal stressors follows readyingthemindtoaccessnewprogrammingWethenhaveamoredirectunobstructedpathwaytothedepthofourSpiritforcreativelyredefiningournewidentity
OvercomingBarrierstoPractice
ThesadhanapresentedinthisbookisapracticeThereforeitrequiresyourcommitment to practice for you to reap the desired benefits This may seemobvious toyouyet that isnot so formanypeopleSomehope thatby simplyreadingthismaterialtheirsymptomswillspontaneouslyabateOthersalthoughencouragedby the results seenafter just a few initial rounds simplywill stoppracticebecausetheydonothavethewillorstrengthwithintocontinueSomereport that they donrsquot practice because of lack of appropriate support othersbecausetheyarewaitingforthemostidealconditionsthatneverseemtoshowupAlloftheseareexcusesthatcanandmustberesolved
SuccessinyogaandtheabilitytomanifestthebestpossiblelifeisbasedontwocoreprinciplespracticeandnonattachmentWorkingonnonattachment is
byfarmoredifficultthanworkingonestablishingapracticeEspeciallyduringexcruciatingly difficultmoments of bereavement the grievingmindmaywellresisttalkingaboutorconfrontingtheconceptofnonattachment
Asstatedinchapter1weonlygrievethelossofthatwhichweareattachedto This statement depicts exactly how grief and attachment are intrinsicallyintertwined
Eachpartofthesadhanaservestheoverallgoaloftransformingthecomplexexperience of grief by promoting body mind and spirit integration andrejuvenation
To accommodate the emotional waves and inherent fluctuations in thebereavementprocessIsuggestmaintaininganattitudeofdetachmenttowardtheimmediateresultsofpracticeSomedaysyourpracticewillbeintenseonothersitmaybemilderSomedaysyouwill feel content after practicing other daysyourpracticemighttakeyoutoplacesthatfeellessthansatisfyingThedeeperbenefitswill comeas a result of establishing a regular practiceKeep inmindthatinthebest-casescenarioaseriousdedicatedpracticecanactuallyleadonetononattachment
In the following chapter I will demonstrate how to do the practicesthemselveshoweachpracticehelpsusandhowtoestablishthebestlogisticstoensureasuccessfulpractice
Chapter4
WhatYouCanDoTheYogaPractice
This chapter features the sadhana a sequence of exercises presented in asimplewayandaspecificorderbestsuitedtoaidinyourgrievingprocessThepreviouschaptersharedinformationexplainingthegeneraleffectsofeachgroupof exercises This chapter explains how each technique specifically addressesgriefandhow topracticeeachoneby followingstep-by-step instructionsThechapter that follows this one will help you discern how and when to use theexercisesandifneedbehowtoadaptthemaccordingtoyourpersonalabilitiesand needsYoumay benefit from familiarizing yourselfwith both chapters asyou embark on your practice alternating between the two while learning thetechniquesandplanninghowtointegratethemintoyourlife
Hereisanat-a-glancelistofthesadhanaexercises(alongwiththeirSanskritnames)intheorderIproposetheybepracticedin
YogaforGriefReliefSadhana
Pranayama
CompleteBreathing(MahatYogaPranayama)
Asana
EnergyFlowSeries(Pawanmuktasana1)
Windmill(VayuChakramAsana)
AttitudeofDischarging(UtthitaLolasana)
Shatkarma
ConcentratedGazing(Tratak)
Pranayama
Alternate-NostrilBreathing(NadiShodhanaPranayama)
Relax
Self-RelaxationTechnique(AngaShaithilya)
MentalReprogramming
Resolve(Sankalpa)
Meditation
BreathMeditation
AcceptingLifeFully
ldquoLifeisonebreathinandonebreathouthelliprdquo
mdashPremPalSinghRawat
PracticingCompleteBreathingallowsyoutogetintouchwiththequintessentialmovementinyourlifeonebreathinandonebreathoutDuringbereavementthemindisconfusedinitsattempttograspanewrealityandtendstoruminateonthepastoranticipateanegativefutureSinceneitherof these tendenciesallowyoutoinhabitthepresentmdashtheonlyplacetoreallybemdashitisimportanttobringawarenesstowhatlifeisreallylikeinthemomentThisexercisecalmsthemindwhilethebodybenefitsfromreceivingaproperintakeofoxygenwhichhelpstoalleviatetheshortnessofbreathcommonlypresentwhengrieving
CompleteBreathing(MahatYogaPranayama)
Prior toactuallypracticingCompleteBreathing letrsquos takea lookatapreparatoryexercisethatwillhelpyoubetteridentifythethreepartsinvolvedinthetechnique
PreparationforCompleteBreathing
1 Lieonyourbackfindacomfortablepositionandplaceyourarmsatyoursideswithpalmsfacingup
2 ConnectwithyourbreathandobservethebreathrsquosnaturalrhythmObservetheinvolvementofyourbellyribsandchestinyourbreath
3 BringyourrighthandtothelowerbellykeepingtheelbowonthefloorBringthelefthandontoyourchestInhalebringingairmostlytothebellyExhalesoftlycontractingthebellyContinuetobreathethiswayforafewroundsNotethatatthistimethereshouldbenomovementofyourlefthandorintheribcageareaWitnesstherighthandmovingupanddownwhiletheleftremainsstill
4 Nowmovebothhandstotheribcageplacingthethumbatthebackoftheribscloseto
thespineandyourfingersinfrontMakesurethattheinneredgeofthehands(thumbtothetipoftheindexfinger)followsthecurveofyourribsRestthetipoftheindexfingerasclosetothefrontpartoftheribsasyoucanInhaleallowingtheribstoexpandExhaleallowingtheribstocomebacktowardthecenterofyourbodyastheycontractCompresstheribsslightlytowardthecenterofthebodywithyourhandsattheendoftheexhalationContinuetobreathethiswayforafewroundsNotethatthechestandbellyshouldexperiencelittlemovementatthistime
5 PlaceyourhandsbackatyoursidesforamomentbeforebringingthemtotheirpreviouspositionlefthandatthechestrighthandatthelowerbellyInhaleallowingthechesttofillupNoticethecollarbonesmovingtowardthejawboneThenexhaleallowingthechesttosoftlycontractasitreturnstotheoriginalpositionContinuetobreathethiswayforafewroundsAtthistimethereshouldbenomovementofthebellytherighthandortheribcagearea
Now that each phase of breathing has been broken down for you bring it together insequenceasCompleteBreathing
CompleteBreathing
1 Inhaleslowlyexpandingyourabdomen
2 Thenfullyexpandyourribs
3 Thenexpandthechestoutwardandupward
4 Exhalerelaxingfirsttheabdomenthentheribsandthenthechestfirstdownwardandtheninward
5 PracticecontinuousinhalationsandexhalationsTheremaybeatendencytoallowthebellytofallwhilebringingairintothechestDoyourbesttokeepthebellyfullduringinhalationandasyoucontinuetoengagetheremainingparts
Suggestedtime5minutes
Benefits
Itmaximizesyourinhalationsandexhalations
Ithelpsyougaincontrolofthebreathcorrectsalteredbreathingpatternsandincreasesoxygenintake
Itbringsawarenesstotheareawherethemainchakrasarelocatedthereforeenhancingconsciousconnectionwithrelatedthoughtsandsensations
Itservesasasymbolicacceptanceofthetotalityofthegrievingprocess
Ithelpspromoteapsychologicalsensationofgreatercontroloverlife
Precautions
Thewholeprocessshouldbeonecontinuousmovement
Eachphaseofbreathingmovesintothenextwithoutanyobvioustransitionpoint
Ifexperiencinglowerbackpainplaceacushionorothersupportunderyourknees
Contraindications
None
On a psychosomatic level by engaging your abdominal muscles duringCompleteBreathing you can connectwith gut feelings such as anger fear orguiltRawfeelingsexperiencedbytheheartoftenencounterresistancefromthemindThere isa reasonwhymanypeople refer to feelinganxiousashavingaknotintheirstomach
TheintercostalmusclesholdtheribstogetherandrelatetosafetyTheyarethemusclesthathelpprotectourpreciousvitalorgansItiscommontoseetherib cage locked in defensewith frightened and abused individualsBy tensingthe intercostals an individual attempts to re-create a sense of security that isbeing threatened Asking yourself questions to identify the threatmdashldquoWhat isthreateningmeHowcanImaintainasenseofsecurityWhatmightIneedtodordquomdashcanskillfullyelicitmuch-neededintrospectionAllowingtheribcagetoexpandissymbolicofyourintentiontobeflexibleregardingsafety
ThepectoralbreathrelatestoemotionsoryourelaboratedgutfeelingsMostofusfirstfilterourgutfeelingsthroughtheparametersofwhatweconsidersafethen transform them into complex emotions including other aspects related toourbeliefsystemsintellectualconsiderationslearneddefensemechanismsandmore
ldquoThewayinwhichyoubreatheisametaphorforthewayinwhichyouareliving your lifeAre you taking little sips of breath as though you donrsquot havepermission to takeupmuchspaceon theplanetrdquoasksAmyWeintraub(2004125)YourpracticeofCompleteBreathingissymbolicofyourcommitmenttoafullbreathandafulllifeThereforeyouareabletotrulyinhabitthepresentanddealwiththefeelingsthatgriefstirsupYoumightnotlikethesefeelingsyetitisnecessarytobepresentforthemiftheintentionistomovethroughthegriefprocess in a healthy way By exhaling fully you are also committing tocompletelylettinggoofwhatnolongerservesyoumdashperhapsagoodtrade-off
SomepeopleknowadifferentwayofpracticingthistechniquecalledDurgausingbellyribsandchesttoinhalebutexhalingusingchestfirstthenribsandbelly last I propose using belly ribs then chest for both inhalation andexhalation because it facilitates filling and also emptying the lungs mostefficiently Imagine one of those tubes of frosting with a metal tip used fordecoratingcakesIfyoureallywanttoemptyityoumustfirstpressthebottomthen the middle and last the tip The same applies to the lungs which arebasicallytwotriangleswiththebasefacingtowardthebottomofthetorsoThelungsemptymostcompletelywhen lowering thebelly first then theribs thenthechestThisactionalsoallowsforastrongerinhalationaftereachexhalationbecause nothing can be filled up completely if it has not been previously
emptiedAfter you havemastered the use of the three areas involved in this breath
workpleasepracticeCompleteBreathingusingyourpersonalbreathingrhythmPracticingbreathinginthewayIrsquoveindicatedcanbesymbolicallyusedasasignofyourwillingness toembrace thefullnessofyourgrievingprocessOnce thebreath is made conscious and its use enhanced by the practice of CompleteBreathingthenwecanattempttocontroltheflowoflifeforce
UnblockingtheFlowoftheLifeForceThisasanaseriesisamasterpieceofyogamdashatruegemmdashthoughperhapsduetoits simplicity deceptive power and gentle efficiency it is not alwaysacknowledged as such Unblocking the life forcersquos flow is essential whenattemptingtoregainhealthandpromotechangeThewordpawanmeansldquodivinewindrdquo and relates to the life force that comes with the breathmukta meansldquoreleaserdquo and asana means ldquoposerdquo Therefore pawanmuktasana translates toposes that removeblockages thatprevent thefree flowofenergy inbothbodyandmind This technique should be practiced from beginning to end withoutskippinganypart
EnergyFlowSeries(Pawanmuktasana1)
Sitwithyourlegsstraightandyourhandsbehindyourbodyfingerspointingawayfromyourtoes
ToeBending
1 Bringawarenesstoyourtoes
2 Nowrollthetoesforwardthenback
3 Keepyourawarenessonyourtoes
AnkleBending
1 Separateyourlegsslightlysothatwhenyouperformanklerotationsyourfeetdonottouch
2 Bringawarenesstoyourankles
3 RotateyouranklesinoppositedirectionskeepingthetoesrelaxedMakeaswidearotationasyoucomfortablycan
4 Nowreversedirections
KneeBending
1 Bringawarenesstoyourknees
2 Liedownonyourbackwithyourhandsunderthesacrumpalmsfacingdownandthesolesofyourfeetonthefloorkneesbent
3 Straightenyourrightlegupfully
4 Letthecalffallbendingattheknee
5 Nowswitchlegsandrepeat
6 Onceyouhavecycledthroughbothlegsstretchyourlegsoutfullyonthefloorremovingyourhandsfromunderthesacrumandlyingflatcontinuetobeawareofyourknees
HipRotation
1 Bringyourawarenesstothehips
2 Lifttherightlegslightlyoffthefloor
3 CrosstherightleglowovertheleftlegtowardyourleftarmkeepingthekneestraightKeepyourgluteusmusclesbackandshouldersflatonthefloortoavoidtwistingyourwaist
4 Bendtherightkneebringingittowardyourface
5 Opentherightlegouttotherightandstraightentheknee
6 Bringtherightlegtowardtheleftleg
7 Continuewiththerotationmakinganotherlargecircle
8 Repeatthecyclewiththesamelegbutrotateintheoppositedirection
9 Repeatwiththeleftleg
SpinalTwistProstrationPose
1 Bringyourawarenesstothewaist
2 Situpfromthelyingdownpositionandspreadyourlegsapart
3 Inhaleandbendthebodyforwardbringingyourarmstowardyourtoes
4 NowswingtheupperbodytotheleftandonanexhalebringyourtorsodowntothefloorcreatingatwistatthewaistYoushouldendupwithyourhandsandchinonthefloorandelbowsupMakesureyouleaveyourrightbuttockasclosetothefloorasyoucanwhilealsobringingtheleftshoulderdowntowardthefloor
5 Nowinhaleandcomeupswingingtheupperbodybacktowardyourfeet
6 Onanexhaleswingthebodytotherightside
7 Repeat
Besureyourchinrestswherethebackofyourheadwouldbeifyouwerelyingdown
HandClenching
1 Findacomfortablesittingposition
2 Keepingthespinestraightbringyourhandstothekneeswithpalmsfacingup
3 Bringawarenesstoyourfingers
4 Stretchthearmsforwardandstretchyourfingersspreadingthemapart
5 Thenbendyourfingersincreatingtwofists
6 Uncurlyourfingersandbringyourhandsbackdowntorestonyourkneeskeepingawarenessonyourfingers
Wrist-JointRotation
1 Moveawarenesstoyourwrists
2 StretchthearmsforwardagainmakingtwofistsKeepyourthumbsinsidethefists
3 KeepingyourhandsinthatpositionbringthemupandrotateyourwristsinoppositedirectionsKeepyourarmsparallelwiththefloorandmakesuretokeepthemstraighttheforearmsfacingdownrotatingonlythewrists
4 Nowreversethedirection
5 Bringyourhandsbacktothekneesrelaxthemandremainwithyourawarenessonthewrists
ElbowBending
1 Bringyourawarenesstotheelbows
2 Stretchtherightarmforwardwithpalmfacinguparmparalleltothefloor
3 Holdtherightarmwiththelefthandatthebicepareasupportingthewholearmsoitremainsatshoulderlevel
4 Bendtheelbowbringingyourfingerstotheshoulder
5 Nowlettheforearmfallforwardstraighteningyourarmagainwiththepalmfacingup
6 Changearmsandrepeat
7 Nowbringyourarmsdownrelaxingthemandplacingyourhandsattheknees
8 Keepyourawarenessontheelbows
ShoulderSocketRotation
1 Bringawarenesstoyourshoulders
2 Onaninhalemovethetipsofyourfingerstothetipsofyourshoulders
3 ExhaleplacingtheelbowstogetherinfrontofyourchestYourelbowsshouldtouch
4 InhalebringingtheelbowsupthenbackMakesurethehandstouchatthebackoftheneck
5 ExhalebringingtheelbowsdownthenforwardcompletingthecircleMakesuretokeeptheneckrelaxed
6 Repeattheexercisewiththeelbowsrotatingintheoppositedirection
7 Whendonebringyourhandstorestonthekneesrelaxingtheshoulders
NeckRotations
1 Bringawarenesstoyourneck
2 Lettheheadfallforward
3 Nowbringtheheadupthenletitrollbackopeningthemouthslightly
4 Repeatthemotion
5 Nowbringyourheadbackstraighttoitsoriginalpositionandtiltitslightlytotherightbringingtherighteardowntowardtherightshoulder
6 BringtheheadbackupandtiltittotheleftbringingthelefteardowntowardtheleftshoulderDonrsquotturnyourneckonlymovethehead
7 Nowbringthechindowntoyourchest
8 Bringthechinupandmoveittowardtherightshoulder
9 Thenbringyourchinuppointingittowardtheceiling
10 Nowmoveyourchintowardtheleftshoulder
11 Thenbringitdowntowardthechest
12 ReversedirectionsRemembertokeepyourshouldersandhandsrelaxedasyoucyclethroughthemovementsKeepyourawarenessonyourneck
Suggestednumberofrepetitionsnolessthan3timeseachmovement
Suggestedtime10minutes
Benefits
Itpromotesthefreeflowoflifeforce
Itoptimizestheconditionsforhealing
Itstimulatesproperlymphaticdrainage
Itimprovesproperjointfunctionalitycombatingtheeffectsofarthritisandotherdegenerativeillnesses
Itrelaxesthemusclesofthebodyandtheimpulsesthattravelbacktothebrainrelaxingthemind
Ittunesuptheautonomicnerves
Itbalanceshormonalfunctions
Itimprovesvitalorganfunctions
Itimprovestheattentivefacultyofthemind
Precautions
Stayfocusedoneachbodypartpriortomovingitwhilemovingitandafterwardaswell
BesensitivetopainassociatedwithpotentialpoppingsoundswhenmovingthehipsIfthepoppingisnotpainfulyoumightcontinue
IfmomentarilyunabletoperformamovementdonotskipthatjointorplaceRathervisualizethemovementasfullyasyouareabletothencontinuewiththesubsequentjoint
Contraindications
Thisseriesneedstobemodifiedifyouhaveinjuriesorlimitationsinanyparticularjointinvolved
Thosesufferingfromsciaticaorlowerbackndashrelatedconditionsshouldbesensitivetopainwhenperformingthoseasanasthatinvolvethisareaofthebody
Theneckexercisesshouldnotbeperformedfullybythosesufferingfromhighbloodpressureorextremecervicalspondylosis
As we free the energy in our body it flows from healthy places tocompromised areas promoting the flow of the life force nourishing the bodyfromwithinandallowingittohealGriefisnotanillnessalthoughattimeswecertainlyfeelquitesickOurbodiesacheyearningforthereestablishmentofourwell-beingAspracticehelpstorestoreorderandproperoverallfunctioningwearemoreequippedtocopewithgrievoushealthdisturbances
Placing our awareness on each joint helps us gain deeper contact withourselvesheighteningourperceptionofsensationsandfeelingsinthebody
Doing this offers thepossibilityof tapping into thebodyrsquos rhythmswhichare often much clearer than the perceptions of the mind After all we canrsquotchangewhatwedonrsquotknowWhilegrievingourawarenessisoftenmisguidedlyplacedon thedramaofour losses Increasingawarenessof thebody improvesthereceptivityofthemindbecauseoftheintricateunionofthesetwoaspectsofoursystem
Learninghowourbodyrespondstoouractionsisexpertlydemonstratedinthe alternation of first feeling a joint in stillness and then feeling it in actionWhenwe focus on how it feels tomove this part of our bodywe engage infeelingtheeffectsmoreprecisely
ThemonitoringoftheconditionofourjointsservesasamappingdeviceItis a fresh angle on self-reflection which enables us to witness progress Themoving body releases information regarding feelings and mental impressionsthatweholdinourmoleculesBycarefullylisteningtotheemergencewecanhear our own internal guidance taking us a step closer to reinforcing existingfeelingsorchangingthemtosuitourneeds
The flexions and extensions contractions and torsionsmdashall help the bodypurgeundesiredchemicalbyproductsofgriefTheseactionspromotethereleaseoftoxinsthatifleftinsidemakeouranxietygreaterourdepressiondeeperandourconfusionmorepronouncedMonitoringthedailychangeshelpsuswitnessthe small improvements that practice of this technique brings By witnessingthesedailymicroimprovementsyoucangainrenewedhopeinthepossibilityofincrementalshiftsthatreduceclassicalnegativeanticipatorythinking
Themindcanconvenientlyldquoforgetrdquosomejointssotry toremembertonotskip any of the exercises so as to avoid further blockages Even if you canrsquotmovea jointdue toafunctional limitationsimplyvisualize therotationOncewersquove cleared the pathways of the life force in the system we are ready tofurtherstirupourfeelingsandmakeadeeperandmoresignificantconnectionwith themmdashsomethingthefollowingexercise theWindmill isuniquelysuitedfor
WhiskingUptheFeelingsTheWindmillisthekeyasana intheYogaforGriefReliefsadhanaandgivesyou access to themost powerful resource you can tap intoAlthough it is notfound in classical yoga texts it relates to a similar exercise included inBioenergeticsatechniqueinventedbyAmericanphysicianandpsychotherapistAlexander Lowen (1994) I felt inspired to design theWindmill exercise andintegrateit intomygrief therapypracticebecauseof theprofoundeffect ithadon me As a somatic psychotherapist I was absolutely fascinated by theimmediate effect of how quickly whirling arm movements enhance theperceptionoffeelingsInadditionIlearnedthatintraditionalChinesemedicinesome rotational movements of the arms are often prescribed to deal withsymptomsofgriefpinpointedinthelungs
AnandaBalayogiBhavananiadearfriendandoneofthemodernscholarsofYoga in India provided me with a Sanskrit name for the technique vayuchakramasanaorldquowheelofairrdquoThroughmanyyearsofusingthistechniqueIhavecometorealizethattheeffectivenessoftheWindmillisabsolutelyduetothe intentionally direct contact with anahata chakra the heart center whereattachmentisdeveloped
Windmill(VayuChakramAsana)
RightArm
1 Standwithyourfeetparallelthekneesunlockedthespinestraightandyourarmsatyoursides
2 Turnthethumbofyourrighthandinwardtowardthelegfirstthenturnitbackwardsothatyourpinkyfacesforwardandyourpalmfacesouttotheside
3 InhaleasyoumoveyourarmforwardandupStopafterthearmpassesslightlybehindtheheadandholdyourbreathfeelingtheslightstretchinthepectoralmuscles
4 OpenyourmouthrelaxyourtongueandwhileexhalingletthearmdropbackanddownwhileemittinganldquoaaahrdquosoundAvoidbumpingyourlegwithyourarmasitdropsdowninafreefallAllowthearmtonaturallystopswinging
SemifastForm
1 Afteranumberofrepetitionsoftheslowformbendyourkneesslightlyandrotateyourarmcontinuouslyatmediumspeedfollowingthesamemotionasbefore
2 AllowforaquickinhalationthroughthenosefollowedbytheldquoaaahrdquosoundasyoucontinuouslyrotateyourarmMakesureyourarmrotatescontinuouslyAvoidholdingyourbreathasyoudidbeforeAvoidbobbingupanddownkeepyourkneesbentthroughout
FastForm
1 Increasethespeeduntilyourotatethearmasfastasyoucanwhilecontinuingtobreathemdashmorerapidlynowmdashandmakingtheldquoaaahrdquosound
2 Stopthemovementstraightenthekneesandconnectwithanyemotionsorfeelingsthatmightarisewithclosedeyes
Youmightexperiencepain inyourfingertips If thepain istoointenseyoumayholdyourarmuprightandallowthebloodtoflowawayfromtheextremitieswhichreleasesanypainalmost immediately Please also consider bearing with the pain because it might be aneffectivemetaphorforyourwillingnesstowithstandthepainofgrief
LeftArm
1 Repeatasfortherightarm
BothArms
1 Facebothpalmsoutwiththepinkiesfacingforward
2 Inhaleasyoumovebotharmsforwardandup
3 StopthemovementwhenthearmspassslightlybehindyourheadHoldyourbreathfeelingtheslightstretchinbothpectoralmuscles
4 Openyourmouthrelaxyourtongueandwhileexhalingletthearmsdropbackanddownwhileemittinganldquoaaahrdquosound
SemifastForm
1 Afteranumberofrepetitionsoftheslowformbendyourkneesslightlyandrotateboth
armscontinuouslyatmediumspeedfollowingthesamemotionasbefore
FastForm
1 Increasethespeeduntilyourotatethearmsasfastasyoucanwhilecontinuingwiththefastbreathandtheldquoaaahrdquosound
2 Stopthemovementstraightenthekneesandconnectwithanyemotionsorfeelingsthatmightarisewithclosedeyes
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10timeswhenperformingtheslowversionnolessthan10 times when performing the semifast and fast versions A better recommendationhoweverisforyoutosimplyself-regulatetherepetitionssincecountingthemcandistractfromtheupsurgeofemotionalcontent
Benefits
Itunblockstheheartchakraoxygenatingandrelaxingthepectoralmuscleswhileallowingthefeelingsandemotionstofindawaytothesurfaceofyourbodyandyourconsciousness
Itenhancestheupper-pectoralbreathincreasingthelungsrsquocapacitytoreceiveair
Itincreasesbloodcirculationtotheupperthorax
Ithelpsreleasetightnessintheneckandlessenthesensationoffeelingchoked
Itincreasesageneralfeelingofaliveness
Itincreasesthesensationinthesolesofyourfeetallowingadeeperfeelingofgrounding
Precautions
EnsurethattheneckremainsrelaxedandtheheadstaysstraightthroughouttheexerciseAvoidtiltingtheheadinanydirection
Keepyourkneesbent(whenpracticingthesemifastandfastforms)toreducelower-backimpact
Bearinmindthatalldegreesofpracticemdashfromvisualizationtofullperformancemdashareeffective
Remembernottobreakthestraightlineofyourpostureasyouexhaleandbringthearmsdown
Donottwistthebodytothesideorrotateitwhiledroppingthearmsdownasyouexhale
Contraindications
ThosesufferingfromrotatorcuffndashrelatedconditionsshouldonlyvisualizetheWindmillorperformitinawaythatdoesnotpromotepainIfpainappearsstopmovementthentryasimplerlessinvolvedvariation
ThesemifastandfastmovementsshouldbeperformedwithcarerespectingtheinherentlimitationswithregardtoanypreexistingconditionssuchasneckshoulderorbackinjuriesoraheartconditionIfanyofthesemovementspromotemorethanslightpainorifyouhavedoubtsaboutwhethertheyareappropriateforyouatthistimepleaseconsultamedicalprofessionalbeforeperformingthisexercise
TheWindmillhelpsactivatethepectoralmuscleswhilehelpingthescapulaeto rotate unlockingour emotional armor and relieving tension in the shoulderarea As the tense muscles start to loosen our perceptions change as buriedemotionsstartmigratingfromstuckplacesinthebody
The nature of the Windmill exercise is active I feel it is important toemphasize that although it is natural to resist the emotions these movementsmightbringupworkingthroughthemistheonlywaytotransformgrief
PracticingtheWindmillproveshelpfulforwhatwasoncetenselockedandshutawaytobecomeopenanddynamicYouareinvitedtomeetyourselffullywhenyouactivate thispartofyourbodyenhancing thepotential toalteryourperceptionofyourpreviouslyheldbeliefs
Justlikekidsthinktheyareinvisiblewhentheyhidebehindtheirownhandswhileplayingpeek-a-booweplayanadultversionofthegamebythinkingthatbynotnamingourfeelingsandignoringthemwedonrsquotfeelthemWeknowthateverybody can see the little kid behind his hands and in a similar way ourhigherselfcanseewhatwedonrsquotwanttoacknowledgeaspartofourexperienceHowcanwechange somethingwhenwedonrsquot know it is thereHowcanweconsciouslytransformabeliefifwearenotawareofit
Moving through thepainofgrief is anessential taskFeeling thepainandbecomingfamiliarwith it is thefirststepNextweconsciouslyworkwith thepainandtransformitthroughouractionsRememberthatyouhavenotactuallycreatedanyfeelingsbypracticingtheWindmilltheyarealreadythereinsideofyou
Theshortmomentofretentionofthein-breathallowsforanopportunitytomatchthebodyrsquospresentenvironmentofoverchargedfeelingsandtension thatyouaregoingthroughinlifeanditpreparesthesystemforthesubsequentreliefwhenswingingthearmbackanddownTheldquoaaahrdquosoundinducesyourabilitytoexpressyourselftogetthingsoffyourchestSoundhelpsopenthepathwaystowarda full expressionof theemotionsassociatedwith the loss andwith thenew situation that results Because grieving individuals need to be heardopening the avenues of communication both with yourself and others is veryimportantTheUniversebehavesaswavesusingsoundcanhelpyoubegin to
modifyyourrealityonacosmiclevelYourabilitytospeakyourtruthreshapesthecircumstancesthatcomposeyournewreality
DuringtimesofgriefacknowledgingwhereweareinrelationtoourprocesscanbechallengingProbablyinfusedbythesocietalawkwardnessaroundgriefmdashthe fact that nobody wants to talk about itmdashwe too feel awkward and notnecessarilycomfortableexposingourachingheartsshowingourtruepainThispromotes isolation and enhances the feeling that no one can understand usWhileitistruethatnotwoindividualsgrieveinthesamewayitisalsotruethatthereareuniversaltraitstoeveryonersquosgriefandsharinginthisprocesscanbeofimmense assistance at this time Being able to speak about your realitywhengrievingcanhelpyouemotionallyaccepttherealityofthelossThisisliberatingin itself provided that the other is a good listener What is a good listenerSomeone who is receptive accepting and willing to just listen and not giveadvicesomeonewhoisnotapttogiveflippantanswerssuchasldquoDonrsquotworryyoursquollbeallrightrdquo
SomeprefertheslowformoftheWindmillbecauseitismorepleasantthanthesemifastandfastformsPreferablythefasterformsofthetechniqueshouldbe practiced with supervision and closely monitored by an experienced andseasoned yoga therapist or even better by a competent body-orientedpsychotherapistTheelevatedenergetictoneofboththesemifastandfastformsoftenevokeveryintensefeelingsThewillingnessandreadinesstoexposeyourdeepestdefensemechanismsdemands increasedcaution compassion andcaretowardyourself
I have seen many yoga practitioners having breakthroughs with theWindmill tapping into their own unmasked hearts at times exhilarated bymerelywitnessingtheirownrichpaletteoffeelingsothertimesoverwhelmedbythe intensityof itallBecause theconsequencescanbevery intense I suggestusingtheslowformonlyatfirstYoumaywanttoleavetheothertwospeedsforatimewhenyoucanpracticewithproperguidanceandareemotionallypreparedtoworkwithwhatarisesWhileitistruethatyouwanttofaceyouremotionalrealityyoumustdosoinawaythatisfeasibleandproductiveforgrowth
The imageof awindmill using thepowerof thewind to grindgrains intoflourisasavalidanalogyasitexemplifiestheprocessofworkingthroughourown grief Transforming the hardness of the process into something we canderivenurturancefrommirrorsthehardshellonthegrainThemillingturnsthehardness into something thatwecanuseBy releasingour armoredpostureofprotectionwegainaccesstothehiddengemwrittenaboutearlierinthischapterChapter6furtheraddressestheaspectsofsuchatransformation
LetGoThe Attitude of Discharging exercise offers an extraordinary outlet for yourheightened feelings brought to consciousness after practicing the WindmillNow stirred up your emotions are available and accessible for creativeexternalization
ThisasanademonstrateshowyogacanbeusedtoaddressissuesattheircorebyhelpingindividualsdischargeunwantedfeelingsInsteadofofferingspecificantidotes foreach feelingweefficientlyassumeanattitudeof lettinggo tobeappliedtoanyandallfeelings
ThequestiongrievingindividualsaskmostoftenisldquoWhatdoIdowiththesefeelingsrdquoEventhoughfeelingsaretobefeltitistruethatmostofuswanttodosomething with them In the words of JWilliamWorden ldquoSadness must beaccompaniedbyanawarenessofwhatonehaslostangerneedstobeproperlyand effectively targeted guilt needs to be evaluated and resolved and anxietyneedstobeidentifiedandmanagedrdquo(200996)
Onceyouidentifyyourfeelingsyoucanassesswhatactionsareneededtoaddress them The following asana allows you to discharge negative andunpleasant feelings or perhaps to discharge those that prevent you fromaccessing the positive feelings you awaken by practicing the Windmill andwouldliketoexperiencemoredeeply
AttitudeofDischarging(UtthitaLolasana)
1 Standwithlegsapartfeetparallelandkneesbent
2 Onaninhalebringthearmsforwardandupthenbendbackwardmovingthepelvisforwardandtiltingtheheadback
3 Holdyourbreathattheendoftheinhalation
4 Openyourmouthrelaxthetongueandthenwhileexhalingswingtheupperbodyforwardanddownuntilcomingtoacompleterelaxationoftheupperbodyandemittinganldquoaaahrdquosound
5 WhileinhalingmovethearmsforwardandupRepeat
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10times
Benefits
Ittonesthespinalnerves
Itmassagesthevitalorgans
Itstretchesthehamstringsandbackmuscles
Itimproveslymphaticmovementanddrainagefromtheabdomenandbaseofthelungsallowingforanimprovedfullerbreath
Itstimulatesbloodflowtothebrain
Itfacilitatesdischargeofferingfeelingsandemotionalsensationsawayout
Precautions
Keepthekneesbentatalltimesincludingattheendoftheinhalationwhenyouarebentbackward
Makesuretheheadandarmscometoafullrelaxationaftereachdownwardswingingmovementwhenperformingtheregularversion
Contraindications
ThisasanashouldbemodifiedifpracticedbypeoplesufferingfromvertigoInthiscaseavoidplacingtheheaddown
Peoplewithhighbloodpressureshouldavoidthecompleteversionoftheasanalimitingtheforward-downmovementwiththeuppertorso
Thosesufferingfrombackconditionsparticularlyinthelowerbackneedtomonitorpainespeciallywhencomingupafterthedownwardswingingmovement
Thedifficultmomentofbendingbackwardattheendoftheinhalationmightmirror an equally challenging moment during bereavement that of feelingexposed awkward imbalancedvulnerableThe forcefuldownwardmovementoffersanopportunitytoreleasethoseembodiedfeelings
Irsquovefoundthreevariationsofthisposturetobeparticularlyhelpfultothosewhoaregrieving
The first variation includesperforming the technique in a continuous fashion andwith noretention of the in-breath at the end of each inhalation Always keep your knees bent toavoid locking them in an attempt to control the heightened intensity of feelings In mypractice Irsquove found that active people andmen in particular usually enjoy this variationbecause of its enhanced active component The constant use of the ldquoaaahrdquo sound alsotendstoresonatewithmenwhousuallyprefergrowlingouttheiremotionstotalkingaboutthem
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10times
AsecondvariationentailsldquoplacingrdquotheparticularfeelingyouneedtodischargeinthepalmsofyourhandsAsyoumoveforwardanddownvisualizethatemotionbeingreleasedintothe earth Holding the feeling in the palms helps the mind concretize the feeling andenhancestheintensityandfocusofthedischarge
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10times
A third variation has your hands making full contact with the floor at the end of theexhalationwith the ldquoaaahrdquosoundsustainedAvoid tapping thehandson the floor ratherkeep the full contact for as long as you are exhaling and emitting the ldquoaaahrdquo soundVisualizepushingthefeelingsforcefullyintothehotmagmaatthecenteroftheearthAllowthe upper body to fully lean on the hands and intensify the push imagining the emotiontravelingathighspeedandmeltingintotheearthrsquoscoreRememberthatmeltingsomethingdoes not get rid of it it merely changes its form In a similar way our feelings cannotdisappearbutinsteadcanbetransformedwithintentiontimeandwork
Suggestednumberofrepetitions3times
IfyouarecompromisedinyourbodilycapacitytoperformthisexercisebesafeandonlyengageuptoyourlimitorpracticebyvisualizingthetechniqueIrsquove evenproposed this exercise to people confined to awheelchair engagingonlytheupperbodyarmsandheadasavariationofthisposture
After performing such an intense asana we are now ready to move to aquietercalmerpracticetocontinueworkingwithourgrief
SleepBetterandAwakentoaNewPerspectiveThetechniquethatfollowsisusefultohelpbalancethepinealglandBecauseofitsinvolvementinregulatingthefunctionsoftheotherendocrineglandsthisisagoodway to reset the endocrine system in its entirety This exercise can helpindividualsstrengthentheirprotectionfromforeignagentsandavoidtherelapseofpreexistingconditionsthatoftenoccursatthisvulnerabletimeThisisduetothe relationship between the endocrine system and the immune systemparticularlyatthethymusglandThepinealglandisoftenheavilytaxedduringthegriefprocess and the insomniamanygrieversexperiencemdashor itsoppositeoversleepingmdashis the result of an imbalance in the melatonin it producesEngaging the optic nerves is a way of addressing this disturbance since theglandreactstolightregisteredthroughthesenerves
ConcentratedGazing(Tratak)
1 SitcomfortablyandextendyourrightarmwithyourfistclosedandyourthumbpointingupthethumbnailfacingyouIfyouneedsupportforthearmplacetheclosedfistofyourlefthandattherightarmpitYoumayalsobendtherightkneeanduseyourkneetosupportthearm
2 Locateadistantobject(atleast10feetaway)ateyelevelasafocalpointandplaceyourthumbnailwithinthelineofvisionbetweenyoureyesandthedistantobjectoffocusTheobjectbeingfocusedonshouldberelativelysmallsuchasadoorknobarockoradrawnblackdot
3 Focusonyourthumbnailfor1minute
4 Shiftyourfocustothedistantobjectfor1minute
5 Shiftbacktoyourthumbnail
6 Repeattheprocessofswitchingthefocus3times(6timesintotal)Avoidblinkingthroughouttheexerciseifyoucan
Suggestedtime Including1minuteof focusandthreeswitchesbetweenfocalpoints thepracticetakes6minutes
Benefits
ItstimulatestheopticnerveswhichpromptsthefunctionsofthepinealglandTheresultingbalancedlevelsofmelatonintendtoregulatemanybiorhythmsincludingthesleep-wakecycle
Ithelpsregulatestressbyinfluencingthefight-or-flightreactionandmodulatesthe
immunesystem
Itincreasesnervousstabilityremovesinsomniaandrelaxestheanxiousmind
Itimprovesthememoryandhelpstodevelopgoodconcentrationandstrongwillpower
Spirituallyitawakensajnachakra
Precautions
Alwaysavoidunnecessarystrain
Betolerantofdifferentexperiencessuchasseeingtwothumbsortwodistantfocalpointsmdashtheseexperienceschangewithtime
Contraindications
Thosesufferingfromglaucomashouldbesensitivetopainandmodifythepracticeasneededbyreducingthetimefocusingorthenumberofchangesbetweenfocalpoints
Many practitioners report falling asleep before completing a full round ofConcentrated Gazing With steady practice cosmic rhythms soothe the bodyhelping it remember when to sleep and when to stay awake The wisdom ofhealthy grieving lives more in the Spirit than in the mindWorking with thepineal gland is important for its connection with ajna chakra the third eyewhere we view life through awakened intuitive knowledge Our Spirit knowsthatthingsendandourbodiesareaccustomedtoprocessingendingsconstantlyyetitisourmindsthatwantthethingsweareattachedtotobewithusforever
ConcentratedGazingalsooffersasymbolicopportunity to takea lookathowwewant totransition through the next steps of our lives The two focal points one close and onedistant serve as symbols of the situations we go through when grievingWhen the oldrealityisnotthereanylongerandthenewoneisnotyetknownourcontrollingmindshavea hard time waiting The negative anticipatory thinking indicative of the limbic systemrsquosinvolvement ingriefmakesusperceivetheprojectednewrealitynegatively It fillsuswithideassuchasthinkingthatnoonewillloveusasmuchorthatnojobwilleversuitusinthesamewayThatmightbetrueorcompletelyfalseandwecanrsquotknowyetInthemeantimewe can only trust the journey and accept that changewill come Shifting focus from thethumbnail (our present situation) to the chosen distant point (the new reality to bediscovered)symbolizesthejourneyahead
DecidingonwhatcouldbethedistantfocalpointcanbeveryusefulindeterminingthenextstepsofthejourneyYoucanchooseapicturerepresentativeofhowyouwouldliketofeelinthefutureorthehouseyouwouldliketohaveorthejobyouwouldliketogetPlaceitinthedistancesowhenyouswitchtothatfocalpointyouareaddingintentionandmeaningtoyourpracticeDecidingwheretostartandwheretoend(with thedistantorclosefocalpoint)canaddstrengthtoyourabilitytomeetyourselfwhereyouareandtoyourprecisionindefiningyourfuture
Sometimes the eyesget tiredor strainedwhenpracticing this technique Ifthishappensrubthepalmsofyourhandstogetherthenbringthecuppedhandstoyoureyesandenjoythewarmthanddarknessthatcansoothethem
After acknowledging the reality of your loss identifyingwhere you are inthepresentmomentandbeginningtounderstandwhereyouwouldliketobeinthe futureyoucanpracticea technique thathelpsyoucontrolyour immediateenvironmentandeffectivelycalmsthemind
ControlIsSomehowPossibleOneoftherealitiesofgrief is that inmostcases thelosswasprobablyoutofourcontrolEvenwhenthelossistheresultofachoicethesubsequentsufferingisoftenunavoidableIfwehadcompletecontrolwewouldneverloseanythingnorwouldwechoosetosuffer
When confronting the challenges of grief themind and the body both gothrough symptoms thatmimic our discomfortwhen facedwith loss of control(difficultybreathingmuscletensionetc)Byactivelyengagingbothmindandbody through yoga exercises we can immediately bring back some sense ofcontrolintoourlivesOurmostimmediateconnectiontolifeisourbreathandbringingbalancetoitcanbeachievedbypracticingAlternate-NostrilBreathing
Alternate-NostrilBreathing(NadiShodhanaPranayama)
YoumaynotknowitbuttherightnostrilandtheleftnostrilrarelycarrythesameamountofairTrythissimpleexerciselickyourindexfingerinhaleandbringyourfingerclosetoyourrightnostrilwhileexhalingthenrepeatwiththeothernostrilWellUnlessyouareindeepbalanceatthistimeoneofthemcarriesmoreairthantheother
1 Sitinacomfortablepositionwiththeheadandspineuprightandtheleftarmbentoveryourbellysothattherightelbowcanrestontheleftforearm
2 HoldthefingersofyourrighthandinfrontofyourfaceResttheindexandmiddlefingersgentlyonthecenteroftheeyebrowsBothfingersshouldberelaxedPositionthethumbnexttotherightnostrilandtheringfingernexttotheleftnostrilThelittlefingershouldbecomfortablyfolded
3 Inhalethenclosetheleftnostrilwiththeringfingerandexhalethroughtherightnostril
4 Inhalethroughthesamerightnostril
5 Unblocktheleftnostrilandclosetherightonewiththethumb
6 Exhalethroughtheleftnostril
7 Inhalethroughthesamenostriltheleft
8 Unblocktherightnostrilandclosetheleftonewithyourringfinger
9 Exhalethroughtherightnostrilandinhalethroughthesamenostril
10 Continuethealternationonlychangingnostrilsaftertheinhalation
Suggested time5minutesofAlternate-NostrilBreathingplus5minutesofSingle-NostrilBreathingifdesired
Benefits
Itinducestranquilityclarityofthoughtandconcentration
Itincreasesvitalityandlowerslevelsofstressandanxietybybalancingtheflowoflifeforce
Itclearslifeforceblockagesandbalancestheflowinbothnostrils
Carbondioxideisefficientlyexpelledandthebloodispurifiedoftoxins
Itpromotesspiritualawakening
Precautions
Avoidforcingthebreath
Donotbreathethroughthemouth
SometimesonenostrilmaybeblockedpreventingtheeasyflowofbreathIftherightnostrilisblockedmakeafistwithyourlefthandandplaceitunderyourrightarmpitPressupagainsttheunderarmbringingyourrightarmdownContinuetopracticethiswayfor3minutesThenremovethehandRepeatfortheleftsideasnecessary
Contraindications
None
In yoga the right nostril relates to the sun masculinity activity givingdaytime extroversion social life partying The left relates to the moonfemininity passivity receiving nighttime introversion spiritual life restingWhen experiencing anxiety your right nostril is more engaged the oppositeoccurs when you are depressed or depletedmdashthe left nostril carries more airMaking the air go through both nostrils alternately brings your system into amorebalancedrelationshipbetweenyouractiveandpassiveaspectsoftheselfinfluencingthewayyouexperience thepresentsituation ItallowsthemindtocalmandtapintothealternationofallthingsThiscanhelpyoutrustthateventhoughyouarenowanxiousyouwilleventuallyrelaxandifyouaresadyouwilleventuallybehappyagain
The rightnostril also corresponds to the sympathetic energizingbranchofthe autonomic nervous system The left nostril is related to the relaxingparasympatheticbranchthatusuallyprevailswhenoneisgrievingBalancingtheactivity of these two aspects of your nervous system reestablishes the lost
equilibrium regulating your functions and balancing your reactions This isassuredlyamuchmorestablewaytorespondtoyournewenvironment
Practicingbreathingthroughasinglenostrilmdashprovidedthatitrsquosnotdoneformore than 5 minutesmdashcan bring surprising changes to your emotional stateenergizing you when yoursquore feeling depressed and calming you when yoursquorefeelinganxiousMentallyyoucangainamorepositiveperspectiveorcalmtheconstantchatterof thoughtswithAlternate-NostrilBreathingGiven thepowerofthistechniquethedirectiveofdoingamaximumof5minutesrsquoworkwithonenostrilistobetakenseriouslyPleaseknowthatexceeding5minutesrsquotimecanresult in difficulties negotiating the altered state and rebalancing your energyproperly
In general retaining the breath either in or out is another possiblemanipulationofthebreathwhenpracticingpranayamaOnapsychologicallevelithelpsusperceiveanddealwithtwooppositetypesofanxietiesretainingthein-breathrelatestotheanxietyweexperiencerelatedtolifetoitsfullnesstoitsintensityretainingtheout-breathrelatestoourfeelingsaboutdeathingeneraland particularly our own deathsWhile practicingAlternate-NostrilBreathingnotice if you are holding your breath at the end of the inhalation or theexhalationandseeifitrelatestoyourfeelings
Voluntarilymanipulatingtheactiveandpassivewithinyouhelpsyouacceptthat change is the norm that all things fluctuate and that change is possiblewithinyourselfNomatterwhereyouareinyourgrievingprocessyouwillnotbe in the same place in the future regardless of what things look like in thepresent moment Switching willingly from one nostril to the other andwitnessingthechangehelpsyourmindintegratethenewsituationaspartofyourever-changinglife
After witnessing the varying symptoms of grief and starting to use yourbreathtobringbackasenseofcontrolyouarenowreadytofullyrelax
BringingCalmtoaScatteredMindandaDistressedBody
GriefisstressfulThereforeastateofrelaxationiscrucialandyetthisstateisdifficulttoaccessmostofthetimeThestress-relievingeffectsofyogaaresomeofthemoststudiedfeaturesofthedisciplineandareveryusefulwhengrievingEven though any relaxation technique could work and would be good myintention in including a self-relaxation technique is to empower individuals to
use their ownmeans to relaxThe first lesson of loss is to not depend on thepermanenceof thingsmdashwhich iswhyanexternal sourceof relaxation suchassoothingmusicoraguidedrelaxationonaDVDwhilebeneficialwouldnotusethenewlyacquiredinformationtoourmaximumbenefit
Self-RelaxationTechnique(AngaShaithilya)
1 LieonyourbackwithyourpalmsfacingupBringyourawarenesstothebreathFindthenaturalrhythmofyourbreathbreathinginandoutslowlyandsteadilythroughthenostrils
2 Nowbringtheawarenesstoyourfeet
3 Inhaleexhale
4 InhaleexhalerepeatingtoyourselfsilentlyldquoMyfeetarerelaxedrdquo
5 Bringawarenesstoyourlegs
6 InhaleexhaleWhileexhalingrepeatsilentlytoyourselfldquoMylegsarerelaxedrdquo
7 Bringawarenesstoyourpelvis
8 InhaleexhaleWhileexhalingrepeatsilentlytoyourselfldquoMypelvisisrelaxedrdquo
9 ContinuethepracticebyrepeatingthesamepatternforHands
Arms
Shoulders
Back
Torso
Neck
Face
Head
Mind
10 EndbyrepeatinginternallyldquoIamcompletelyrelaxedrdquothreetimes
Suggestedtime10minutes
Benefits
Itrelaxesthebody
Ithelpsthemindrelax
Itcombatsthestressfuleffectsofgrief
Itreplenishesthegeneralenergylevelofthebodycombatingfatigue
Precautions
Doyourbesttomemorizethetwelvebodypartsincludedinthetechniquetoavoiddistractionswhilepracticingit
Contraindications
None
Using a technique that offers relaxation with deep detailed awareness ofoneself and that is grounded in the rhythm of the breath is a great way tointegrate other exercises of the practice in the relaxation Notice that thisexercise follows the samebodyorder as theEnergyFlowSeriesOpening thepracticewiththedirectivetostayconnectedwithyourbreathrhythmisanotherformofBreathMeditationTherepetitionofldquoMy___________isarerelaxedrdquoisnothingotherthantheactivepracticeofResolve(seethefollowingexercise)
Be prepared to hear the mind voicing statements such as ldquoI canrsquot relaxbecause Ihave to rememberwhatpart isnextrdquoTo remedy thismemorize thepartsbeforepracticingandyoucanavoidthisinterruptionThistechniquehelpswithmanyofthesymptomsofgriefincludingphysicalpainItgivesthebodyanopportunity to take a rest from the depleting hyperactive symptoms of theemotionalstressandreplenishitselfRelaxingthebodyalsohelpsthemindcalmdownandreducetheconstantmentalchatterallowingyoutofocusonplantingtheseedsofyournewlifethroughResolve
DissolvingOldPatternsandReprogrammingtheMindwithIntention
Yoga acknowledges the principle of pronoia a neologism coined by modernphilosophersexpressinganoldtruthItstatesthattheUniverseisconspiringinour highest good This is the polar opposite of paranoia which in essenceinvolvesthebeliefthattheUniverseisconspiringagainstus
Formostofhumanity thelatterconceptprevailsasanaccuratedescriptionof a world that is not at all supportive and comes after us loaded withjeopardizingintentionsYogarecognizesthisasfalseandmakesitclearthatthewholeprocessstartswithanideainourmindYogastatesldquoWecreatethemoldandthentheUniverseisinchargeoffillingituprdquo
Resolve(Sankalpa)
ThetranslationofthewordsankalpaisldquoresolverdquoorldquoresolutionrdquoItreferstotheapplicationofwillpowerthroughaconsciousdecision-makingprocessIttakestheformofashortmentalstatementwhichisimprintedbyrepetitiononthesubconsciousmindSankalpainfluencesthewaythingsaretohappenwithdeterminationandintention
Thestatementrepresentsamoldthatoncecreatedallowsfor theprovidentialpowersoftheUniversetohelpmanifestationoccurRememberyouaretheonlyoneactuallycapableofmakingyourownmoldThewordsankalpareferstoboththenameofthetechniqueaswellasthecontentofthestatementitself
1 Thinkoftheperfectwayinwhichyouwantanintentiontomanifestandthenstateitinasuccinctphrasethat
isexpressedinpresenttense
avoidsusingthewordldquonordquoortermsthatexpressnegativeconceptsForexampleldquoIwillnotbesinglerdquoshouldbereplacedwithldquoIammarriedrdquo
2 SitcomfortablywithyourhandsonyourkneesBreathenormallyacknowledginganyoutsidethoughtthatarisesandletitgoInhalethenontheexhalesayyourstatementtoyourselfbeingfullypresentwitheachindividualwordofthestatement(Youmaypauseaftereachword)
3 TakeadeepbreathandmovetothenextrepetitionWithyoureyesclosedcontinuerepeatingyourstatementThenbreatheinandoutoncewithoutrepeatingthestatementWhendoneopenyoureyes
Suggestednumberofrepetitions3times
TheconceptthistechniquereferstoisinthecoreoftheoldsayingldquoAskandyeshallbegivenrdquotowhichIrsquodliketoaddldquoifitisintheorderofthingsrdquoWhy
ManypeopleaskforthingsthatarenotwithintheUniversalorderandthenblamethesystemratherthanacknowledgingthattheirignoranceoftheorderistherealreasonthingsdidnotmanifestByldquotheorderrdquoImeanthesystematicandpreciseway inwhich thingswork in theUniverseand that is reflected insuchtruthsasldquoNothing ispermanentrdquoAll thingsend regardlessofwhetherwearethinking of a vase a day or a thought Without this acknowledgment whenasking for something to remain themechanism sparked by sankalpa will notworkandtheUniversewillnotsupportourpetitionIfIrsquomfifty-fourIcanaskforldquoyouthfulfiftiesrdquobutIcanrsquotasktobefifteenagainmdashitsimplywonrsquothappen
Byclearlyidentifyingwhattoaskforandhowtophraseitweengageinasimplewayofjump-startingtheprocessofmanifestationEventhoughmostofushavewantsitissurprisinglyhardforpeopletoactuallyexpresstheirwishesinanexactwayInmyyearsofusingResolveIhavehadtoworkdiligentlytohelp individuals identifywhat theywantbyspendinghourssorting throughallkindsofmisunderstandingsoldprogrammingandstalebeliefs
Prior to identifyingwhat wewant we usually namewhat we donrsquot wantwhat we fear why we should not want it and so forth This means that ourmindsareabsolutelyfullofalltheseotherconsiderationsandinthemeantimetheUniverseisbusyfillingupthecorrespondingmoldsasitcompetentlydoes
Thisiswhywemanifestwhatwefearandthisisalsohowwemanifestwhatwe donrsquotwantAs youmight know ldquoYou can never get enough ofwhat youreallydonrsquotwantrdquoIfyourmentalprogrammingmdashandcreatedmoldmdashisldquoIrsquomnotgoingtoget that jobrdquoorldquoIrsquodlovetoget that jobbut therearesomanyotherswho are better preparedrdquo then the Universe will accommodate you with anopportunity of losing that job It might seem like an extremely minusculesemanticdeviationbuttheconsequencesresultingfromsuchmisunderstandingsare also extremely clear (See the sidebar that follows ldquoAiding the PracticeThroughJournalingrdquoforaneffectiveapproachtonamingwhatwewant)
TosayldquoIamnotunhappyrdquoisverydifferentfromsayingldquoIamhappyrdquoandbelieveme theUniverse is listeningpreciselyTounderstandwhyprecision isimportantletmesharewithyouanoldstoryfromIndia
AidingthePracticeThroughJournaling
As a simple exercise think about what you want and write yourstatementdescribingitthencontinuetowritedowneachmodificationof the statement as you develop it Make no judgments write no
ldquoshouldsrdquomdashjust write what comes up You will probably see apathway amental roadmap that you have been following thatwillrevealyourmisconceptionsKeepinmindthatwhenyouarriveattheldquorightrdquo statement a subtle ldquoeye-smilerdquo appears a slightwidening ofyour forehead accompanied by a sense of ldquoEurekaThis is itrdquoThatfeelingisclearlyidentifiablenoquestionsaskednodoubtsaboutitmdashit is resonating inside of you as accurate Until that ahamoment ofrecognitionkeepworkingonyourauthenticexpressionyourpersonalResolve Know that you are actually working on your innermostwishesandthatyouareultimatelydeterminingyourfuture
After you have come up with your statement and you arepracticingrepeatingitIsuggestyoualsojournaltheinternalresponsesandconsiderationsyourmindcomesupwithItisnormaltolistentotheinternalvoicechallengingyourstatementswithphrasesthatdenotethe adverse reality the one you are trying to modify Since themanifestation process is happening regardless if the statement is ldquoIhaveapartnerrdquo and themindcomesupwith ldquoYouare lyingnoonewouldloveyourdquotheideamoldreadytobefilledupisthelatterYoumaydiscoverthatwhatrsquoswrittenactuallyrevealsyourpresentmentalprogrammingthatyouarereallynotworthloving
Byattendingtoyourbodycalmingyourmindandexploring thenatureofyourdesiresonadeeperlevelyouarenowtrulyreadytogowithin to practiceBreathMeditation and leave everything up to theUniverse
AcouplebothagesixtyandstillmarriedafterfortyyearsfindagenielampWhentheyrubitthegenieappearsandcomestolifeThegeniespeaksldquoLadyyourwishesshallbegrantedWhatwouldyoulikerdquo
ldquoIwantenoughmoneytogoaroundtheworldtwicewithmyhusbandrdquothewoman responds In an instant the geniemanifests a briefcase full of enoughmoneyforthebothofthemtogoaroundtheworldtwice
ThegeniethenturnstothegentlemanandsaysldquoSiryourwishestooshallbegrantedWhatwouldyoulikerdquo
ldquoIrsquod like to have a wife thirty years younger than merdquo replies theopportunistThegeniethenrespondsbyturningthemanintoaninety-year-old
Thelessonofthisstoryistobeveryclearandprecisewhenaskingforwhatyou want otherwise you may end up getting what you really donrsquot want
Resolve is the mechanism that kick-starts the process of manifestationThoughtfully identifying and defining an idea can and will act as a guidingprinciple a lighthouse in the darkness of your emotional storm Then youractionsthoughtsandspeechcanaimintheproperdirectionandstartbringingtofruitionwhatuntilnowhaslivedonlywithintherealmofyourwishes
OpeningtoSpiritThismeditationtechniquecanbeseenasthesimplestofallbreathingexercisesthebasisofallourworkBesidesthespiritualbenefitsandeffectsstayingwithyourownbreathisapowerfulwayofbeingpresentandindeepconnectionwithyourlifenotdrawninbythepastorcontemplatingthefuture
BreathMeditation
1 Sitinacomfortablepositionwiththespinestraightandthehandsrestingonyourkneeswiththepalmsfacingupward
2 Staystill
3 BringawarenesstoyourbreathFeeltheairgoinginandoutsoftlythroughyournostrils
4 Remainpresentforeachinhalationandeachexhalation
5 AstheminddriftsoffbringitbacktoyourbreathAsifyouareplacingpaperboatsonastreamofwaterplacethedistractingthoughtsintheoutgoingstreamoftheexhalation
6 Remainconcentratedonyourbreathandonlyonyourbreathexhalingeachdistractingthought
Suggestedtime5to10minutes
AlthoughitisanextremelysimpletechniquetheexecutioncanprovetobequitedifficultYourabilitytoremainconcentratedonthebreathispermanentlychallengedbyyourveryactivebodyandunstoppablemindYoucanstartfullofintentionandfindyourselfoutonalimbafteronlyafewbreathcycles
Fortunatelyyourbreathisconstantandyourneedtotakethenextin-breathisunavoidablesobringingthemindbacktothebreathisrelativelysimpleKeepcomingbacktothebreathwithtimeyoursquollseethatyourdeparturesarescarcerandthatasyoustaywithyourbreathacertainsenseofcalmnessandfulfillmentappears
You are now developing the skill to stay present with yourself to keepyourself company and bring ease when feeling abandoned Irsquove stated beforethat when grieving you should focus first on the Spirit because the body is
profoundlyengagedin its reactionandthemindisshatteredandscatteredForthis reason meditation and its ability to help you connect with your Spiritbecome a key element of the practice Thoughmeditation can be challengingwhenyouareexperiencingacutegriefitisanactivitythatwillgentlyleadyoutothesourceofknowledgeyouintendtotapinto
Now that you have read how to perform each practice and understandgenerallyhowthetechniquesservetoallaysomeofthesymptomsofgriefyouprobablywant to get started and figure out how to incorporate these practicesinto your life There are some important questions to ponder as you start tointegratesomeoftheseexercisesintoapersonalpractice
The next chapter considers what exercises you should include howmuchtime you should spend practicingwhether you should practice by yourself orseek help how long you should practice and other practical detailsWhetheryouareanexperiencedyogapractitionerorjuststartingoutwhetheryouhavejust begun to cope with some of your grief symptoms or at the end of theprocess the next chapter will help you to integrate the techniques into yourpersonalpractice
Chapter5
DesigningtheLogisticalAspectsofYourPractice
There is a famous quote usually attributed to the great German philosopherJohannWolfgangvonGoethe(1749ndash1832)
ldquoUntil one is committed there is hesitancy the chance to draw backConcerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementarytruth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plansthatthemomentonedefinitelycommitsoneselfthenProvidencemovestooAllsortsofthingsoccurtohelponethatwouldneverotherwisehaveoccurredAwhole streamofevents issues from thedecision raising inonersquosfavorallmannerofunforeseenincidentsandmeetingsandmaterialassistancewhichnomancouldhavedreamedwouldhavecomehiswayWhatever you cando or dreamyou cando begin it Boldness hasgeniuspowerandmagicinitrdquo(emphasisadded)
What a beautiful way of presenting the universal principle of pronoia Itexplains the mechanism of manifestation and emphasizes a key aspect tocommit towhatwewantThe resultingactionsactuallyhelp thebrain reshapeitselfthisisneuroplasticityatitsbestThroughthefruitsofourcommitmentwecanestablishnewneuronalconnectionsthatwill leadusnottowherewethinkweshouldbeorwherewedonrsquotdesiretobebutwherewetrulywanttobe
As you now ponder how to implement the techniques I shared in theprevious chapter and embark on your personal practice I ldquore-mindrdquo you thatyourcommitmentisessentialByacceptingyourlimitationsandneedsyouareactually making your commitment feasible Be realistic commit to what youcananddoit
SettingtheIntentionTherearetwophilosophicalconceptsfoundinTheYogaSutrasofPatanjalithatcanbetranslatedasldquopracticerdquoThefirstoneabhyasareferstoamoregeneral
all-encompassing method of practice that involves lifestyle choices thoughtsspeech and actions Abhyasa brings us greater tranquility or peace of mindSadhana thesecondconceptcanalsobedefinedaspracticebut itpertainstothe actual techniques or exercises that are performed on a regular basis toachieve an overall enhancement ofwell-being Taken together these conceptscanhelpusunderstandwhatitmeanstotrulypracticeyoga
As you begin to apply the traditionalmovements breathing exercises andcleansingtechniquessettingasideanhourahalfhourorwhatevertimeyoucandedicatetoestablishingaregularpracticeyoumayrealizethateachbreathcanbe an opportunity for transformation My hope is that as you integrate thesetechniquesintoyourdailylifeyourlifeitselfbecomesthepractice
ShouldYouPracticeAloneorUnderGuidanceJustasyouareasolitarybeinginthemidstofacrowdedcitystreetpracticeispersonalregardlessofhowmanymorearepracticingwithyouInancienttimespracticing yoga based on a book like the one you are reading without livecontactwithateachermasterorguruwasunthinkableEventhoughyogawascommonlypasseddownwithinthecontextofthefamilyfromonegenerationtothe next there is an essential trinity thought to lead to a successful spiritualjourney It includes the individual (you)GodorSpirit and thegurumdashtheonewholeadsthewayafterhavingwalkedithimselfmanytimesbefore
IntodayrsquosworldpeoplemaypracticethroughtheguidanceofabookorbyfollowinginstructionsprovidedonaDVDorahow-tovideoontheInternetItisan essential principle inyoga therapy that the interactionwith a therapistwhocanmonitorthestudentrsquospracticeisanimportantaspectaddingstrengthtothetechniquesandensuringsafetyfortheYogapractitioner
Grief is so powerful that in working with the dynamics activated by theYoga techniques itwould be advisable to seek out a qualified professional atfirst By ldquoqualifiedrdquo I mean either a yoga therapist well versed in griefcounselingoragriefcounseloror therapistknowledgeableaboutyogaand itsuseinthetherapeuticprocessBecauseyogahasbeenembracedbyanumberofprofessionals in recent years other therapists such as social workers hospicenurseschaplainsandotherswhoworkwithgrief-related issuescanbe trustedsources for guiding you through this work Even a financial adviser whounderstandsaboutthephysicalsymptomsofgriefandhowtoaddressthemcanmean the difference between wealth and poverty when for example dealingwithfinancesafteradivorceSuchatherapistmdashwhileencouragingastudentto
practiceathomeencounteringtheldquoteacherwithinrdquomdashwouldalsohelphimorhernavigatethedifficultemotionsencounteredinthegrievingprocess
Yoga practice can be a very subjective experience often having differentresults indifferentsettingsShouldyoudecidetodothepracticeonyourownwithoutprofessionalguidanceremembertobesensitiveandrespectfulofyourneedsandabilitiesMonitor theeffectsof the techniques soyoucanuse themappropriately when needed Tune into the results charting them as a validindicatorofthedevelopmentofyourprocess
IsItBettertoPracticeIndividuallyorinaGroupWhile all yoga is therapeutic yoga therapy thrives on personal individualizedpracticeespeciallyat thebeginningstagesof the therapeuticprocessWorkingwith a qualified therapist familiar with integrating yoga as part of his or hertoolbox is wholeheartedly advised Either in a group setting provided such agroupisavailableinyourcommunityorprivatelychoosewhicheverbettersuitsyourneeds
Workingindividuallyprovidesfocusedattentiontotreatmentoffersinputonadapting your practice to meet specific needs and avoids interference fromothersinaclassOntheotherhandpracticinginagroupallowsyoutowitnessotherbereavedindividualsgrieveinwaysthatmaybebothprofoundlydifferentandstrikinglysimilartoyoursCombatingthetendencytoisolatethisaspectofsocialization can help normalize your relationship to your own grief whileofferingasupportnetwork
InmyYoga forGrief Relief groups all three aspects commonly found intraditional grief support groups are included education support and socialnetworking Education serves the purpose of normalizing grief by sharinggeneralinformationregardingthegrievingprocessWealsolookathowgriefisaddressed in different cultures and time periods Support is establishedwithinthe environment the group provides It encourages authentic communicationregardingourgriefandserves tomodelhealthy interactions tobereplicated inthe outside world The social networking aspect encourages positive personalinteractions that increasewell-being for those of us listening aswell as thosesharingWhenoneisfeelingdepletedandwithoutmuchtogivelendinganeartothoseexpressingtheirgriefcanbeanempoweringexperience
IsItSafetoDoThisPracticebyYourself
MostofthetechniquescanbepracticedsafelyonyourownprovidedyoureadthesectionsdedicatedtocontraindicationsPleaseidentifyanypresentconditionthat may require caution when you practice the exercises This makes atremendousdifferencebetweenan exercisebenefitingyouorbeingharmful toyou
ThatsaidtheWindmillistheoneexerciseforwhichdiscretionmustbeusedwhen practicing alone TheWindmill is a key technique of the program andalthough the slow version is safe for most individuals the semifast and fastversions of the Windmill quickly access deeply held emotions and buriedphysical feelings I suggest that a competent professional trained in thisworkshould monitor both the practice itself as well as the outcomes If you areworkingwithayoga-savvycounselor thenyour therapyprovidesanoutlet forsharing your experience after practicing at home The Windmill is the mostactiveexerciseandtheonebestabletobringstrongfeelingstothesurfaceTheemotionselicitedduringthegrievingprocessare therawmaterialsyouusefortransformation
Someofyoumighthaveanexistingpersonalyogapracticeandwanttoaddsome of my recommended techniques to your routine Although this cancertainlybeeffectivekeepinmindthatthetruestbenefitsofthisprogramoccurwhenpracticedsequentiallyinitsentiretyByexperiencingtheroutinefullyyoucantheneffectivelyassesswhattoaddtoyourpracticeandwhyIfyouchoosetoembarkonasolopractice thenyouneed toconsidersomeof thefollowingimportantlogisticaldetails
WhichExercisesAreBestforMeWhethertoperformtheentirepracticeorpartsofitdependsonwhatyouwouldlike to accomplish howmuch time you have and howmuch knowledge youpossess of yoga and of yourself The entire practice can be accomplished inninety minutes and is inherently balanced covering issues that most grievingindividualsneed
CompleteBreathingpreparesyourmindandbodyfor themagnitudeof thegrievingprocesstheEnergyFlowSeriescreatestheconditionsforhealinganddrawsyourawarenesswithintheWindmillbringsfeelingsandsensationstothesurface sparking the process of transforming your grief into a source of self-knowledge Attitude of Discharging offers an outlet for the raw availableemotions Concentrated Gazing promotes mental focus to restore the normalcircadian rhythms while Alternate-Nostril Breathing offers breath control to
effectivelybringbalanceandcalmtoyourmindTheSelf-RelaxationTechniquehelps decrease the stressful effects of grief allowing optimal conditions forreprogramming your mind through Resolve which uses the newly acquiredknowledgetobegintoconstructanewidentityFinallyyouarereadytositstillinmeditationtodeepentheconnectionwithyourSpirit
Practicing the entire sequence offers you the exponential effect of thecombinedbenefitsofthetechniquesYetyoumaybebetteroffpracticingonlycertainpartsasyoubegintofamiliarizeyourselfwiththeworkMakesureyoucheckwithyourphysicianbeforeengaginginpracticekeepinmindthatyogatherapyisnotasubstituteformedicalattention
Becomingfamiliarwitheachtechniqueanditseffectsonyougivesyoutheconfidence to choose which one works for what is troubling you Again Ireiterateyourmindisbestaddressedthroughbreathworkyourbodyishelpedmost by physical postures and your Spirit thrives with meditation YogatechniquesinfluenceallthreeaspectsofyourbeingYoucanchoosefromeachrealm and come up with a combination that best suits your personal journeyTrustyourinstinctandinnerwisdomtoguideyou
WhereShouldIPracticeWhile it is true thatyogaisbestpracticedinacleanandcalmenvironmentatleast twohoursafteryour lastmealwearingcomfortableclothes far from thechaosoftheworldforatleastninetyminutestheseperfectconditionsarerarelymetThemaincriteria forunderstandinghow toengage in thepractice shouldalways be ldquotomeet yourself exactlywhere you arerdquoYou can then figure outwhichexercisestopracticewheretosituateyourselfwhentopracticeandhowmuchtimeyoucansetasidetopractice
Ifyoudonrsquothavea roomdedicated forpractice thenmovesomefurniturearound tocreatea suitablespaceandbring inanyobjectsor images thathelpyouconnectwithyourintentionThisprocessexemplifieslocatinganewspaceinsideofyourselfSometimeswhenwefeelldquoallovertheplacerdquoinourmindjustcleaning and reorganizing our house starts to positively affect our emotionalintegrationOrderingourimmediatesurroundingsoftenhelpstocalmdowntheinternaldisarrayCandles incense soothingmusic and low lightmayprovideyou with supportive harmonizing associations to make your practice moremeaningful
BeflexibleregardingwhereyoupracticeallowingforvariationsaccordingtoyourlifersquoscircumstancesForexampleifyouareinterviewingforajobthat
couldeasepressingeconomicneedsthenpracticesomecalmingbreathworkinthewaitingroomIfyoufindyourselfstrugglingwithroadragepulloverstopthecarandpracticeLeft-NostrilBreathingThengetbackontheroadwhenyouarecalmandhavelostsightofthatannoyingtailgatermdashyoudonrsquotwanttolosecontrolandcauseyourselfmoregrief
SometimesitisgoodtoenhanceyourpracticebybeingoutdoorsconnectingwithnatureandbringinginasenseofexpansionConverselyifdoingthisseemstoo vulnerably open and distracting and lacks the intimacy you need thenpracticewhereyoucanmoreeasilyaccomplishtheresultsyouareafter
WhenShouldIPracticeStarting thedaywith an extendedpractice deliciouslydedicated tooneself isnotaluxuryweallhaveFeelfreetodowhatyoucaninthemorningthenaddorrepeatsomethinginthemiddleofthedayandthenpracticebeforegoingtobed
TheEnergyFlowSeriesisagreatwaytobothstartandendthedayInthemorning it feels energizing and at night calming preparing you for a goodnightrsquos sleep TheWindmill practicewill elevate the general tone of your lifeforceenergyinthemorningTheAttitudeofDischargingexercisewillhelpyoudischargesomeof theextra tensionaccumulatedduring theday ifdone in thelateafternoonAlternate-NostrilBreathingisagreatmiddaypracticethatbringsbalance to your wildly fluctuating emotions Concentrated Gazing worksefficientlytoputyoutosleepatnightand ifusedinthemorning itresetstheendocrine systemdecreasingmoodswings (Thismaybeespecially importantfor women during bereavement to stabilize and reestablish balance in theirendocrine system and counteract the common disturbances grief imposes ontheir normal menstrual cycle) Choosing the right time to practice helps youadjusttoyournewenvironmentmoreskillfullyandhelpstoprepareyouforthemultitudeofchangesandnewconditionsinyourlifeFromyourfirstin-breathwhen you are born to your last out-breath at the moment of death the timeelapsedisallyoursThedecisionsyoumakeregardinghowtospendthat timeare also yours Use your practice time wisely so it reflects your sense ofownershipofyourtimeandyourrespectforit
ForHowLongShouldIPracticeFinallyintermsofhowlongtopracticeeachtechniqueorhowlongyouroverall
practice should be letme just say this something is better than nothingOursystemsreacttoallwedoandallwethinksodowhatyoucanItistruethatforbestresultsAlternate-NostrilBreathingshouldbepracticedfornolessthanfiveminutes yet a minute alone would also do some work A minimum of threerepetitionsisbetterwhenpracticingtheEnergyFlowSeriesbutonerepetitionalsohasbenefitsWhatisoptimalistousewhatevertimeyoumighthavejustkeepinmindthatthemoreyoupracticethedeepertheeffectswillbe
AnexceptionshouldbemadewithSingle-NostrilBreathingPracticing formore thanfiveminutescanrenderstrongereffects thanyoumaydesireWhenpracticing Left-Nostril Breathing for example you want to feel calmer notdepletedItisokaytopracticeformorethanfiveminutesifneededjustmakesureyoubreakitdownwithaminuteortwoofAlternate-NostrilBreathing
Thesadhanapracticemdashinitsentiretyandfollowingtheguidelinesproposedfor each technique in chapter 4mdashshould take approximately ninety minutesPleaserememberthataccordingtothevariationsandmodificationsyouneedtomakeyourpracticetimewillvarySupplementarytechniquessuchasjournalingandothersofferedinchapter6willalsoalteryourpersonalpracticetime
BecomingfamiliarwiththetechniqueswillallowyoutoknowmoreeasilywhattocalluponandwhenWithregularpracticetheeffectsofthetechniqueswillcomealiveinyouandwillevenhelpyouchoosewhattopracticeandwhenBe sensitive to the daily fluctuations in your actual ability to engage in thetechniquesIfyouspentahalfhourdoingpawanmuktasanayesterdayandyourmusclesaresoretodayreducethetimeandintensityoftheexercisetowhatyoucantolerate
YourPracticeChangesasYouDoPleasebeopentothefactthatyouareundergoingconstantchangeandthereforeyour practice must shift as well to reflect your new needs and abilities Thegrieving process and the tasks ofmourning are not linear your grief changesyourpracticeandyourpracticechangesyourgriefThere iswisdom in lettingyour practice reflect your state of being and adapting it accordingly Thewayyou practice is theway you livewhat you practice now shapes your lifeBemindful of addressing your practicewith the same grace and dignity that youwantforyourself
Perhapsitisaccuratetosaythatyoudidnotsignupforbeingwhereyouarenow andyet hereyouarePractice jump-starts theprocessof transformationSeeyourselffunctioningasthebestoperatorofthesetoolsbyaskingwhatyou
want toaccomplish listening toyourvoicehearingyourbodyrsquosexpressionofits innate wisdom and sensing what you need to do for yourself todaymdashdosomethingtocommittowhatyouwant
Chapter6
TheProcessofTransformation
LynPrashant the founderof IntegrativeGriefTherapy states thatldquowedonrsquotgetoverourlosseswechangerelationshiptothemrdquoAndsheaddsthatldquogriefisour most available untapped emotional resource for personal transformationrdquo(2005)Iwholeheartedlyagreewithher
WhilehonoringourpersonallossesandmourningtherelationshipthatoncewasthetransformationthatwearetalkingaboutinessenceisourownAswebegin to witness the appearance of our new self we slowly recognize thecumulativeeffectsofourdeeptransformativeworkWearenowactuallylookingatourselvesandtheworldaroundusfromanewperspective
This book demonstrates the inner workings of the grieving process IprovidedthespecifictechniquesforthepracticeofstayingpresentandthereforeavailabletotransformyourgriefandencounteritsstrongemotionsthatfiercelychallengeyouThetoolsarenowatyourfingertipswithfocusedawarenessyoumay methodically turn some of the seminal questions yoursquove been askingyourselfintoconcreteactions
ThroughdealingwiththesufferingthatisinherentduringthegriefjourneywehaveanopportunitytouncoverourowntruenatureGriefworkisultimatelyaboutchallengingyourassumptionsaboutlifeldquoWhoamIwithoutherWheredoIgoafterlosingmyhomeWhoamInowthatIrsquovebeenfiredfrommyjobWhatdoesitmeanthatIrsquomstillherenowandheisgonerdquo
In themidst of sorrow the blossoming of a new identitymaymeanmanydifferentthingstoyouOnceyouarenolongergrippedbytheoldattachmentsyoubecome free to explore thedeepestpartsofyourselfAsyouaskyourselfwhatyoudoanddonotneedgriefbecomestheuncannygatewaytohelpgainthetrueknowledgeofself
FindingaNewIdentityAfterLossIdentityconsistsmainlyofourperceptionsofourselvesbasedonthepeopleandthingsweareattachedtoWhenwelosethemwelosepartofwhoweareAndyetlifecontinuesRememberthefeelingsuponwakingupintheimmediatedaysandweeks following a profoundly huge loss The bodymoving in a robotic
way fighting against the lethargy of a tiredmind eyes barely open two feetwalkingtothebathroomoutofnecessity
ThinkofthebodythemastersurvivormaintaininglifewiththeaudacitytocontinuedoingwhatitdoesDespiteourdespairdespiteourdoubtstheamazingintelligence of our body is a powerful testament to the continuation of ourexistence
Imagineakitchenwhereyoursquovecookedforthepasttwentyyearsonewithno ventilation just tiny windows and a stove with slow inefficient electricburners One day the kitchen burns to the ground Because you are hungrybecauseyourbodyneeds fuelyouneed tocontinuecookingPerhapsyoucanimproviseandcookmealstemporarilyinthelivingroomormanageforawhileonanoutdoorgrillbuttheneedforanindoorkitchenispainfullyapparentsoyoumustrebuildit
IsthenewkitchengoingtohaveventilationornotBigorsmallwindowsSlowelectricburnersorquickandefficientgasburnersInordertodefinethesedetailsyouneedtoquestionyourrealneedsanddesireslikesanddislikes
After all you have cooked in that kitchen for years and are familiar withevery detail every nook and cranny The memories of that kitchen may beoverwhelmingly powerful to you but now it is time to start imagining a newmoremodernversionthatwillserveyournewneeds
Needsshift frombasic survival instincts to thoseofa fullermorespiritualvisionofourlifeInterestinglymanyofuswillgravitatetothefamiliardesignoftheoldkitchenButgiventimeforreflectionnewideasandimageswillstarttoemerge thathelpuscomecloser towhowereallyareandwhowewant tobecome
ManyofusidentifywhowearethroughourhomesSometimesthehomeisthought of as an extension of our physical bodies something important toconsider when working with grief Identity is formed through what the bodylearnsfromitsenvironmentThefollowingtwoexamplesillustratethat
Sinceathree-year-oldcannotbuyacarrentahomeorfindajobthechildmustrelyentirelyonanadultcaregiver In thiscase thefatherconstantlyputsdownthethree-year-oldwhenheperformswellButcomplyingwithhisfatherrsquosexpectations can be the difference between life and death Consequently thechildlearnseithertobecomeanunderachieverortohidehisachievementssoasnottoupsethisfather
The survival mechanism that informs the mind is deeply rooted in thewisdomof the bodymaintaining life at all costs Putting our fingers in a live
electricsocketoncegivesthebodyenoughinformationtoavoidgettingshockedagain The body has excellent cellular memory and keeps that survivalmechanism alive Even years later while fixing a malfunctioning socket andknowingthepowerisoffyourbodystillalertsyouinternallywithcautionsignswarningofdanger
When defining ourselves after loss it is very common to repeat oldmechanisms perform the same learned behaviors and chant the same innermonologuebecausethatishowwelearnedtosurviveRepeatingthesebehaviorsgrants us renewed suffering simply because our actions are antiquated and nolongermatchourpresentreality
Wemust revisit the situationwith new eyes identifying our present needsandusingournewlyacquiredskillsmdashtheoneslackingduringtheearlyformativeyears Although old habits are difficult to change respecting their power canactually be life affirmingWecan see them in action and recognize themas asign of the amazing intelligence of our bodiesWitnessing our broken heartrsquosstruggletocopewiththepainoflossandmanagetheaccompanyingsymptomsofconfusionanddisorganizedthinkingisquiteremarkable
Isnrsquot it a superbly opportune time to reimagine a new designwhenwe nolongerhavetheoldkitchenandyetourneedforthefoodthatrsquoscookedinitisasrealasthefirethatconsumeditThisistheopportunityhiddeninthegriefweexperienceThisisthetransformativejourneyIrsquomtalkingabouttheprocessthatcan take us from the void of devastation after loss to the fullness of aconsciouslylivedlife
HowCantheTransformationBeAccomplishedMy opinion is that the journey of discovery is threefold Addressing thesymptoms of our grief constitutes the first step The second involves fullytransitingthegrievingprocessandachievinghealthyresolutionwithitThethirdentails reidentification based on our most intimate spiritual self Having beenstrippedofourpreviousidentitylayingbaretherealcoreofwhowearewearenowinvitedtoapproachthedeepestpartsofourselves
These three portions of the process of transformation are linked but notlinear simultaneously our awareness can shift aswe sense some relief of ourimmediatesymptomsItisimportanttorememberingriefworkthatanyspecificactions taken towardaccomplishing resolutioncanbe repeatedand revisitedatanypointwithrenewedmeaning
The information you need comes as a result of your work and efforts tounderstandandrelatetotheexperienceathandThisprocessinvolvesobservingyour motivations behaviors and feelings This book and the techniquesproposedaredesignedtosupportyouintheprocessoftransformingyourgriefofferingpracticeasthefoundationfortheworkUsingthetoolsyoulearnedinchapter4youcanreapthebenefitsyouareafterNowletrsquostakealookathoweachpartoftheprocessoftransformationworks
TheFirstPartAddressingtheSymptoms
HowdoesaddressingyoursymptomshelptransformgriefImagineyourselfperchedon a rolling hillwaiting to take in a beautiful sunsetwith somedearfriendswhenallofasuddenyouareafflictedwithaterribletoothacheEvenifyou are surroundedby love and support in the presentmoment all you reallywantistostopthepainyouneedadentist
Itisquiteremarkablehowenticedbythepresumptionofthepermanenceofthebodyrsquosvigorandendurancewetakeourownhealthforgranted
Abalancedbodyenhancesyourability to transformgriefWhen the rug ispulledout fromunderneathyoushakingyour foundationand threateningyourstability you can enter into a conversation with the body that will ultimatelyformthebasisofyournewidentityToregainpresencefortheprocessyoumustaddressthedifferentsymptomsparticularlythephysicalones
TheexercisescontainedintheprogramcanhelptakecareofthefirstpartoftheprocessbybringingthesymptomstoalevelofrelativecontrolBypracticingbreathworkyoubecomemorepresentandawareandcanhelp reestablish thenormalrhythmsofthebodyfindingwaysofcontrollingyourmentalstatesandultimatelyyournewreality
PracticingtheEnergyFlowSeriesassuresthepropercirculationoflifeforceavoidingblockagesandfacilitatingfreemovementofconsciousnesswithinbodyandmindThedifferentasanashelpgetridofthetoxicchemicalbyproductsofpain and activate parts of the body where emotional issues tend to promotetensionandstiffnessThespecificactionsperformedintheWindmillbringyourfeelingsto thesurfaceofyourawarenessallowingyoutowitnessandidentifythem and ultimately to better understand how grief manifests in the bodyAttitudeofDischargingofferstheincreasedchargeoffeelingsandsensationsofgriefawayoutConcentratedGazingpromotesbalanceandbettersleep
TheSelf-RelaxationTechniquehelpscombatthestressfuleffectsofgriefanddiminishesgeneraltensioninthebodyguidingyouhometoyournormalsleepcycle Resolve resets the mind so the body can manifest your deepest innerwisheswhileBreathMeditationoffersthecalmstillnessofbodyandmindthatallowstheSpirittoemergemoreclearly
AllpartsoftheYogaforGriefReliefsadhanapreparethebodyandthemindfortheunderstandingofSpiritwhichasIrsquovestatedbeforeisthetruesourceforthefacilitationofgrief
TheSecondPartFacilitatingGrief
Facilitating grief implies making the experience of bereavement moremanageable by following a roadmap such as the one proposed by JWilliamWordeninhisFourTasksofMourning(2009)Employingtheprinciplesofyogacan assist in accomplishing those Letrsquos take a look at some additionalguidelines
Give yourself permission to grieve Some people have a hard timeaccepting thatgrieving isappropriateThereasonsfor these thoughtsareoftenpreconceived ideas about what to expose to others or how much time isacceptable to grievePersonal difficulties such as the fear of beingdefinedbygrief the possibility of feelingworse or the chance youmight trigger othersrsquogriefoftenpreventindividualsfromgrieving
If you care for grieving individuals and provide support space andresourcesdoyoudothesameforyourselfWhenflyingonanairplaneyouaredirected to put your oxygen mask on first in case of an emergency beforehelpingothersItismuchthesameinthegrievingprocessmdashifyougiveyourselfthepermissiontogrievefirstyoucanthenhelpothers
ProvideyourselfwiththetimeyouneedtogrieveInthecorporateworldemployeesaretypicallygivena72-hourldquowindowrdquoinwhichtogrieveAlthoughthereisnoofficialtimesettocompleteourgrievingprocessourmindstendtodictatethatafteroneyearhaselapsedldquoIshouldbedonewithmygriefrdquoSocietalexpectations coupledwith thepressureweputonourselves to resumenormalliving promote the belief that things will be much better in a yearUnfortunately this unrealistic expectation is not only misleading it is alsocounterproductivetomaintainingasenseofhope
ForsomeofusthesecondyearofgriefisevenmoredifficultthanthefirstI
encourage tolerance in allowing the time needed for working well with thecomplex grief experience That permission alone is very important In thenormalcourseofbereavement as timegoesonourgrief frequentlyexpressesitselfasaSuddenTemporaryUpsurgeofGrief(STUGRando1993)sometimesrelatedtoandprovokedbycurrentlifesituationsothertimesshowingupoutoftheblueSTUGscanprovideuswithareflectionofwhereweareinrelationtoourowngriefHowfastweovercomeithowdeepourfeelingsarefeltandhowmuchourbodiesareinvolvedareallindicativeoftheskillswehavedevelopedofthenewpiecesofinformationwehaveunveiledaboutourselves
It is necessary to mention that a prolonged time of coping with thedisruptions of bereavement may be a marker for complicated grief thusrequiring specific interventions All factors need to be taken into account toproperlyassesshowandwhereweareintheverypersonaljourneyofgrief
PracticeactivelisteningwithyourselfHaveyoueverhad theexperienceofsomeonerepeatingbacktoyouwhattheyheardyousayWereyouwide-eyedto hear themessage repeated backDid it sound like your thinkingDid youwonderldquoDidIreallysaythatrdquoThiscommonoccurrencehappensinregularlifeas well as in therapeutic settings A technique called ldquoactive listeningrdquoconsisting of literally repeating a clientrsquos disclosure back to him or her isfrequentlyusedtohelpclientsreflectonthewaystheynametheirownreality
Consciouslyjournalingourthoughtsandexperiencesafteryogapracticeisagood way to allow the process of externalizing whatever comes to mindmdashunobstructed and uncensoredLook at your journal and repeat ldquoWhat I heardmyselfsayingthinkingfeelingishelliprdquoYourrealityislivedanddeterminedbyyouin thewayyou talkabout itandname itHowyoudosodetermineshowyoulive
Resolve is a powerful tool for kick-starting the process of correctingunconscious habits and old behaviors Another creative exercise uses freeassociationtoacquaintyouwithyourtrueselfbyrecordinganaudioversionoffeelingsemotionsandimpressionsListentotherecordingandwriteldquoWhatIheard myself saying ishelliprdquo Just hearing your own voice a more familiarexpression of your inner dialogue offering insights can evokemore powerfulresults
Accept differences in the way you grieve Trying to emulate a familialsocietalorculturalmoldmdashinotherwordsforcingyourselfintoapreconceivedformmdashmaynot serveyoubestGrief isan intimateaffair revealing thedeeperself absolutely unique to each particular individualYourway of grieving the
wayyou love the things you lovemdashthey all speak towhoyou are Find yourway honor it and do it your waymdasheven if it is very different from anyexpectationsyoumighthaveorothersmayimposeuponyou
Consider that your grief might change from one moment to another Youchange just as theworld around you changes andmost important the newlyidentified self feeds off of thisWelcome those changes they reflectwhoyoureally are You grieve each loss differently and you can even experience amultitudeofpolarizedsymptomswithonelossChangesinthewayyougrieveexpress modifications in your mind and indicate that things are in factreorganizing
Even if things get more difficult day in and day out since everythingchanges so toowill that Practice itself is an importantmonitor for assessingchange Identifying the different states of feeling and being aided by certainexercises or combinations thereof are part of the self-knowledge that griefunveils What changed What made the change How can I reach that stateagainThesearesomeofthequestionstoaskyourselfwhileviewingthemanyfacesofyourgrievingprocess
You must facilitate moving through your own griefmdashentirely gently andfirmlymdashinyourownuniquewayDrWordenrsquosfourtasksareapragmaticuser-friendlyreferenceguide toevaluate thecourseofyourgrievingprocessand tolocateyourselfwithinthatcontextNextIofferyousomesuggestionsofhowtouse yogarsquos knowledge and some of the techniques included in the sadhana tomakeyourfulfillmentofWordenrsquostasksappearlessdaunting
ACCOMPLISHINGACCEPTANCE
DrWordenrsquos four tasks presented in chapter 1 are clear and direct Findwaystoaccept theemotionalrealityof the loss(first task)process thepainofgrief(secondtask)adapttoanewrealitywithout thepresenceofthedeparted(thirdtask)andrelocatethelostpersonorobjectsoyoucanembarkonanewlife(fourthtask)
Theyogapracticeoutlinedinthisbookcanbeusedtosupportyourworkonthe tasks For instance remaining aware of the breath during CompleteBreathingandwitnessingwithoutjudgmentanyresistanceyouencountercanbeinstrumentalinleadingtoacceptingtherealityoftheloss
Beawareofdistractingbehaviorssuchasgettinglostinachainofthoughtsrushingtothecomputerorgrabbingthephonewhichservetoavoidfeelingthedepth of what is happening Tolerating the discomfort is a skillful way of
meetingtheunpleasantfeelingsoflossJournalingisoneofthemostwidelyusedformsforreflectiveretellingofthe
factsGoingoverthedetailsagainandrecallingtheeventsthathappenedisoneofthemosteffectivemethodsforgainingacceptanceoflossWhenjournalingthe way youwrite about your reality is a reflection of the way you speak toyourselfaboutitWhenyourelatethefactsinyourjournalalsomakesureyouwrite about your feelingsmdashit is of the essence In order to do this you mustidentifyandexperiencethemandtodosoyoumustbepresent
PROCESSINGFEELINGS
InordertoproperlyprocessfeelingswemustfirstremainpresentforthemThisisoftenoneofthemostdifficultaspectsofgrievingbutitisalsooneofthemost importantWhat does itmean to remain present The actual practice ofbeingpresentvaries according towhich feelingyou focusonbecause feelingsassociatedwithgriefvarywidelyandcanbeofdifferentnatures
We often avoid our yoga practice or falter when the techniques elicit astrongerperceptionofthefeelingsResistanceisyetanothersignofthestruggleso identify your options for staying present Transiting your grief successfullyandestablishingwaystomoveoutoftheintensecenteroftheexperiencetoitsquieteredgesistheworkSincetheonlywayoutofthepainofgriefisthroughityoumustenterandexit theprocessskillfullyBecauseof itspassivenaturesadnessmdashthe most common feeling when grievingmdashallows us to actually sitwithitMostfindsadnessunpleasantandresistfeelingitsoweputupdefensestoeludeit
You can work on ldquositting with sadnessrdquo simply by staying seated inmeditation While meditating our minds tend to wander instead of focusingThat is true for our hearts aswellwe tend to flee from sadness toward otherfeelingssuchasanger
AngerisanactivefeelingandsittingwithitcanbeextremelyfrustratingItasksformentalandphysicalaction It isbestprocessedwhenthe targetof theangerisidentifiedandaneffectivemethodofexpressionisfoundAngerismetwithmanysocietaljudgmentsWearetaughtthatitisnotahealthyfeelingandthatitsexpressionmakesothersuncomfortableandonlyyieldsmoreangerItiscrucial to find an outlet for anger that does not conflict with what we haveaccepted as socially appropriate Instead of aggression I suggest consideringassertivenessasaneffectivealternativewayYoucanforcefullypushsomebodyawayfromyourdoorsteporyoucan lookstraight intohiseyespointingyour
finger at him while saying ldquoYou do not walk into my houserdquo Through thepracticeoftheAttitudeofDischargingangercanpurposefullybeexpressedintheintimacyofyourpersonalworkThistechniqueoffersmodesofexpressionfrom the more general involvement of the full body to the particular ldquoaaahrdquosound that promotes vocalizing the active nature of the feeling When notexpressed outwardly anger can turn inward resulting in self-destructivebehaviorssuchasrelapsingwithaddictionsSometimesangercanpresentitselfasanotherfeelingsuchasguilt
Because it isusually linked to irrational thoughtsguiltneeds tobereality-testedinrelationtothefactsAskyourselfifthereissomethingyoucouldhavedonedifferentlyorifanyactionstakencouldhaveindeedavoidedthelossThenyou should be able to recognize whether you did or did not have anyresponsibility for how things happened If you were indeed responsible thenwhat actionsmight help you to resolve the heavy burden of responsibility Iffeelings of guilt still persist what are they actually related toWhat can thelessonlearnedbe
The palette of possible feelings is vast and unique to each individual Allfeelingsarevalidmdashtheyaretheelementsthegrievingheartiscomposedofandneedtobeprocessedsowecangettoknowourselvesbetter
ADJUSTINGTOTHENEWREALITY
Discoveringhowtoadjusttoanewrealityvariesdistinctlyaccordingtothedetailsofour life situationandhowwe interpret themeaningof the lossThemorethelossthreatensourimmediatesurvivalthemoreimportantitbecomestoimplementbehaviorsforadjustment
For someone whose livelihood depended on who or what has been lostfindingwaystomakeendsmeetandfulfillonersquosmaterialobligationsbecomesofutmostimportanceAfterourinitialsurvival-basedneedsaremetotherneedsgain importance These often manifest as questions that reflect the newlybereaved personrsquos confusion or unfamiliarity with how to approach life afterlossldquoWhoamI ifnotamarriedmanWhoamInowthatIamunemployedWhycontinuetopraysincemypreviousprayerswerenotansweredrdquoByaskingyourselftheseandotherkeyquestionsyoulearnwhoyouhavebecomeandhowtolivemoreconsciouslywithoutthedeceasedAsyouembraceyournewrealitythe practice of Resolve is a solid ally imprinting new mental patterns andresettingoldonesNamingkeyresolutionssuchasldquoIpaymybillsontimerdquoorldquoIgotothegymeverydayrdquoiswhatkeepsthedirectionclear
Thesemental adjustments become effective coping tools for the long-termexperience of grief and bring immediate relief of present suffering Thedependenceon theold realitystarts to fadeawayThisoffersa freshdynamicoutlookthatenhancesindependenceandself-worthjustbykeepingaheightenedanddevotedfocusonthenewlyblossomingself
FACILITATINGEMOTIONALRELOCATIONOFTHEDECEASEDORLOSTOBJECT
Yogaaddressesthefundamentalmisapprehensionoffalseegoidentificationtaking the impermanent for permanent As you locate your place in the newrealitytherelationshiptowhoorwhatyouhavelostchangessignificantlyThisclarificationisessentialforhumblingthethreatenedegoInsteadofsubstitutingtheoldattachmentforanewoneseekanewplaceforyourselfinrelationshiptowhoorwhatyoulostYoucanchoosetofocusonwhoyouarenowwithoutthedepartedperson
BreathMeditationisidealforsupportingtheprocessofemotionalrelocationbecauseit requiresus tappingintoourcore issues theprofoundaspectsofouridentityForthisdeepandintimateworkourbreathmdashourlifeforcefuelingourworkmdashwillcontinuetoserveusuntilwetoodepartfromthislife
Your previous identity as effective anduseful as itwaswas linked to thepast responses andbehaviors relating to theworldrsquos challenges froma formernow-nonexistent timeThenewly forming self-identity is beingbasedonyourrevised inner world with more conscious thoughts positive images andappropriate needs that populate a healthier present The focus of yourembarkationismoresavoringandembracingtheactualinternaljourneyleadingyou home to your true self rather than the external aspects that previouslydefinedyourlife
DETACHEDATTACHMENTAHEALTHYMODELFORTHEFUTURE
After losing their son to an accident involving a drunk driver the Smithfamily started a nonprofit organization to raise funds to create a publicawarenesscampaignonthedangersofdrivingundertheinfluenceofalcohol
The organization offered an outlet for their emotions and created a publicforumforhonoringthelostchildinameaningfulwayThefamilyseemedtakenabackwhenI reminded themthat thenonprofit toowouldonedaycometoanend I explained that for example in the best-case scenario their campaignwould be 100 percent effective and no drunk driverswould exist so nomorefundswouldbeneeded
MyintentionwastomakethefamilyawareofthefinitenatureofallthingsincludingtheirorganizationEventhoughtheydidnotlikeanticipatingtheendtheywerecomfortedwhenIaskedthemtoconsiderthisnewpieceofawarenessasagiftfromtheirson
The ultimate intention of Wordenrsquos fourth task is to continue with thepreexistingbondand to findwaysofestablishinganenduringconnectionwithwhat wersquove lost Interestingly enough most existing models of grief therapypropose establishing new and healthier attachments as away to continuewithlife
IsuggestyouconsideranotherwaytolookatthisonemorecloselyrelatedtotheknowledgeofyogaIcallitdetachedattachmentaveryskillfultoolDoformattachmentsyetkeepfullawarenessofthefactthatwhatyouareattachedtowill inevitably disappear Factoring in the truth of the impermanence of allthingsyoucanestablishnewemotionalbondsthatempoweryoutolivefullyinthe moment with no promise of tomorrow Truly embodying this knowledgecouldeffectivelyfreeyoufromremaininginthepainfulcycleofattachmentAsall things eventually do attachment too must end Reassessing the value ofholding on to a belief that only brings suffering leads us to ask ldquoWhy notsubstitute it with a healthier more reasonable concept that might feel evenbetterrdquo
Thisapproachbridgesthepureandattimesunattainablemodelsoforthodoxyoga with the accommodating processes of Western psychology It offers ahappy medium for making new attachments which is an inherent need thathumanshaveBykeepingawide-openthirdeyeaccessingayogicawarenessofthe impermanence of all things you still allow for loving fully Loving inabsence aswell as in presence affords the opportunity of living fullywith theguidanceoftheyogicprinciplesforexistencereducingfuturesuffering
ThisisperhapsoneofthemostdifficultchallengeshumansreckonwithWeexhibit confusion either mistaking love for attachment or struggling to lovewithout itTheverycoreof the relocationprocesshouses theseedofournewbeing While relocating the deceased is the task we too are finding a newemotional address for ourselves Attributed to the universal integration of allexisting things balance equilibrates all systems simultaneously Performingritualsandengaginginactivitiestohonorthepersonorobjectwelostisintruthfor us The actual benefit gained is wholly for our healingwe can reclaim asenseofwell-beingwhilefacilitatingouradjustmentprocess
RevisitingtheexampleoftheSmithfamilyalthoughthesonmightneversee
thenonprofitorganizationtheyopenedinhisnametheorganizationhelpedthefamilytofindnewpurposeandanewidentity
TheThirdPartFindingtheNewIdentity
ThisiswherethetruegemlieswheretheblessingindisguiseisrevealedIamreferringtothedelightonefeelswhenfindingapotofgoldattheendoftherainbowItistheresultyouarelookingforwhenembarkingonaconsciousgriefjourneyYouopenaportaltoadeeperconnectionwiththeSpirittothespiritualrealm of your existence by integrating fresh information on how the bodyprocessesgriefwithhowthemindunderstandsit
WhenexploringthisnewconnectioneachpersondefinesandrelatestotheSpiritinhisorherownwayThequesttoknowtheSpiritisage-oldDespitethisbookrsquos many attempts to explain what Spirit is and because Spirit is anexperienceapracticemightbewortha lotmore thana thousandwordsLetrsquosuseyetagainanotherusefulpracticefromyoga
FINDINGSPIRITINTHEINNERSILENCE
IrsquovefoundthatpracticingthefirstpartofatechniquecalledantarmounaorldquoinnersilencerdquoisofmuchhelpwhenlookingforadeeperconnectionwiththeSpiritThetechniqueconsistsofsittinginacomfortablepositioninstillnessandwiththeeyesclosedThenhearallsoundsidentifyingloudonesfromsoftonesdistantones from those thatareclosebyknownones fromunknownoneshellipNow switch your awareness to your earsmdashthe outer ear its temperature itsshapetrytofeelthemiddleandeventheinnerearPerceiveyourearshellipNowswitchtheawarenesstoYouthewitnessofthesoundsmdashnotthesoundsnottheearsbutYouthewitnessofallsounds
Aftermasteringthetechniqueusingyourearsyoumaycontinuefocusingonyour feelings and then on your thoughts This technique offers a gradual pathtoward the innermost self it can be thought of as a system for disidentifyingwiththegrosserplanesofrealityTheselfweencounteristheoneweareafter
TheSpiritcanbecalledtheaspectofthebeingthatwitnesseslifethroughaphysicalbodyitisnotthephysicalbodynorthefactsoftheexperienceItistheobserverthatisnotalteredbywhatitobservesjustasamirrorisnotaffectedbytheitemsitreflects
SKILLFULQUESTIONING
Finding thenew identitycanbegreatlyhelpedbyusingoneof thegoldentoolsinyogaatmavicharaorself-inquiryTheessentialquestionoftheinquiryisldquoWhoamIrdquoTheanswercanonlybefoundwithinbyconnectingwiththewitnessbyaskingtheobserverwithinbygettingtoknowyourownSpirit
The question is intended to help you connect with the ldquosubjectrdquo of thisexistence or the ldquoIrdquoWe identify ourselves by the states we go through thethingswepossessandtheobjectswerelatetoAnswerssuchasldquoIamrichrdquoorldquoIamsadrdquoleadtoafalseidentification
Thekindofself-inquiryIrsquomindicating isbestconductedwhenworkingondiscarding the object-based identitymdashwhat I ammdashin order to discover thesubject-basedonewhoIamIt isaquestfor thetrueself inall thatwedo ineverythoughteveryspeecheveryaction
Thereasontoperformself-inquiryisthatwedonrsquotpurporttoknowwhoweareandgriefoffersusplentytodoubtTheskillfulquestioningisnotjustrelatedtowhatfamilyyoubelongtoorwhichcountryyouwereborninratheritseekstounmaskyouressentialidentityasanembodiedSpiritThatpartofyourselfasitrelatestoldquoIrdquoisnotidentifiedwiththephysical
Itconnectsyouwiththepureawarenessofwhoyouareratherthanwhatyouare aware of Bear in mind that the difference between object and subjectappearssubtletousandthatweareinherentlyconfusedaboutthesetworealmsOther clarifying questions are Who is feeling sad Who is experiencinganxietyWho is feeling lonely and fearfulMost grievers do not want to bedefinedbytheirgriefthistechniquehelpsconnectwiththeonewitnessingthesufferingnotthesufferingitself
COGNITIVEREFRAMING
VickiPanagotacos (2012292) agiftedAmericangrief therapist proposesfouressentialquestionstoguidetheprocessofenvisioninganewselfandanewlifebydefiningcertainparametersmostofusneedtodealwithIrsquovefoundthatherquestionsareskillful insupportingagrieverrsquospracticeofatmavicharaorself-inquiryThefourquestionsareasfollows
1 Whatdoyouwanttoincludeinyourlife
2 Whatdonrsquotyouwanttoincludeinyourlife
3 Whatdoyouhaveinyourlifethatyouwanttoeliminate
4 Whatdoyouhaveinyourlifethatyouwanttokeep
PanagotacosproposeswritingdowntheanswersoneeachonseparatepagesIn her therapy practice she dedicates a session to providing a final list to herclients including the answers to question 1 plus the ldquoconverted answersrdquo toquestions23and4(ForexampleldquoIdonrsquotwanttomoverdquoconvertstoldquoIwantto stay where I am livingrdquo [293]) I suggest you convert your answers toquestions23and4thenwriteadocumentwithyourfinallistThesearegreatquestionstoaskyourselftopromoteawarenessofyourpersonaljourneyandtofindyourselfinyournewlifeplans
According toKarenWhitleyBellwhowroteLiving at theEnd of LifeAHospiceNurseAddressestheMostCommonQuestions(2010)oneofthemostcommon comments of dying individuals when asked about what they regretabouttheirlivesisthattheywishtheywouldhavelivedmoreaccordingtotheirdesiresthanothersrsquoexpectationsWhileourlivescanonlybebreathedthroughourownnostrils sometimeswe adopt other peoplersquos beliefs aboutwhatrsquos bestforusandassumethemasguidinglightsItisonlythroughfulfillingtheneedsandthedeepdesiresofourheartsthatwecanachieveourdestinyflowingintheuniversalorderofallexistingthings
AtreedoesnotdevelopbranchesjustforbirdstoperchratherbecausethebranchesformthatisinthenatureofthetreersquosdevelopmentandunfoldingThefact thatabirdcanperchon itsbranch is just soandnot the treersquos reasonforbeing
IfyourpreviousidentitywasbasedonothersrsquoneedsyoucannowredesignandredefineanewbyaccessingoneofhumanityrsquosessentialdesiresldquothedesireforpurposethedrivetobecomewhoyouaremeanttoberdquoasexpressedbyRodStryker (2011 35) ldquoYour long-term happiness and fulfillmentrdquo he continuesldquodependonyourabilitytofulfillyourpersonaldharmaandfilltheplaceintheworldthatonlyyoucanfillrdquo
WhatArethePossibleMeaningsofFindingaNewIdentityAfterLoss
Oneoftheamazingfeaturesofthehumanbrainisitsabilitytoassignmeaningto our experiencesThis is due to the presenceof the neocortex a vast net ofinterconnected neurons that complement the functions of the reptilian braininteractingwiththelimbicsystemandtheemotionalbrainThisemotionalpartof thebrain appeared inmammals only just a fewmillionyears agoSowhat
doesthisprocessoftransformationmeanforanindividualThereisnoshortageofmeanings
FindingaLightattheEndoftheTunnel
Despair iscommoningriefbecausesometimes in thevastdarknessof theprocesswecannotenvisionhowlifecouldpossiblygoonItislikebeingstuckinadarktunnelunabletosenselightattheotherend
Thismetaphor often refers to the impossibility of identifying a solutionorresolution for an existing situation when we are in the thick of it ExistencecontinuesafterlossandsocanweBytrustingthatthereislightsomewhereandthat thedarknessinwhichweareimmersedinthepresentmomentwillnotbethere forever we can relax knowing that in time it too will change likeeverythingelsedoes
ThecaseofoneofmyclientsJoancomestomindFeelingboredpracticingConcentratedGazingsheaskedmetousealitcandleforthedistantfocalpointinsteadofablackdotHerassumptionwasthatthedancingflamewouldpreventherfromfeelingdrowsy
Because she had defined the experience of her grief aswalking through adarktunnelwithnoendIproposedtokeepthisimageinmindasshepracticedThis conscious ldquoshiftingrdquo of attention from her present reality of pain andconfusiontothepromiseofanenlightenedfutureservedasapowerfulmetaphorforJoanPerformingthisformofConcentratedGazingshetookthismetaphorofthelightattheendofthetunneltothephysicalrealmofherpractice
Focusingtheeyeonthedistantobjectbecameasymbolofherwillingnesstoface the unknown future projecting her intention tomove beyond the presentfeelings of pain confusion and isolation Even thoughwemight bemired indarknessanddespairthearcofourvisioncarriesustoadeeperrealityonefromwhichweemergestrongerandwiserThankstothisconsciousworkweareabletoovercomethenegativeanticipatorythinkingthathasensnaredus
WhileteachingaclassattheUniversityofCaliforniandashBerkeleyIoncehearda seasoned therapist share her newly found observation She stated that afterthirty-fiveyearsofcounselingclientsshesawthatalltherapeuticworkisbasedindealingwithgrief
Althoughmostgrievingindividualscertainlywouldpreferaquickfixthosewhochose to laboriouslyengage ingriefworkcanfindhope regain trustand
reducetheirpainEnticedbythepossibilityofabetterlifeonemoreabundantinlightandself-lovetheyrealizethatjustontheothersideoftheveilofdarknessissomuchmorethanmostofuseverthoughtpossibleWeenvisionthepositiveoutcomeofourgriefworka torchthatblazesat theothersidewiththenewlydiscoveredknowledgeofself
ExperiencingRebirth
Sometimestheexperienceofarrivingtoanewselfissointensethatpeoplerefer to it as a new birth or a rebirth This is something Irsquove seen happenparticularlyinthecaseofcancerpatientsPeoplefacingcancerhaveaprimarylossofhealthbuttheyalsofacesecondarylossessuchasthelossoftheabilityto perform familiar activities or the loss of hair due to chemotherapyrsquossecondaryeffects
Once losses have been normalized a surprising number of cancer patientsexpress enjoying newly cherished aspects of life They have reported feelingdeeper gratitude delighting in delicate interpersonal contact embodying adeeper knowing of their personal needs and more actively participating inincreasedcompassionateself-care
ManyperceivethisasanewlifeOftencancerpatientswillrefertothedateofdiagnosisasakindofldquosecondbirthdayrdquo
THEMYTHOFTHEPHOENIX
Thephoenixamythicalbirdthatobtainsnewlifebyrisingfromtheashesofits predecessorThe aftermath of the shockingdevastationof loss is describedusing imagery referring to scorched landscapes after a fire empty colorlessvacant dark and lifeless Using this metaphor imagine what this charredlandscape home to so many different animals plants and trees might havecontainedbeforeTheashescontaintherecordedimprintofthepreexistingfaunaandfloraaswellastheelementsthathelpthesoilbecomemorefertileandthatimprove theoverallhealthof the forestDespite theabsenceofwhatwas losttheirmemoryisretainedconcentratedintheashwhichfertilizestheforestfloorandfacilitatesregrowth
Byremainingpresentforthefeelingsthatcomeupingriefwebecomelikethe phoenix created anew from the ashes left behind by loss In her beautifulshortpieceonthelossofason-in-lawKimberleyPittman-Schulzwritesthatldquoto
grieve one deathmeans always to grieve twordquo (2011 16) This is true for somanyof thepeoplehollowedoutby theirexperienceof lossWhatever timeittakesmdashmonthsoryearsmdashtobecomeawareofhowdeeplyalosshaspenetratedus we have the option of living in honor of the departed or deceased byfollowingourpath
Themythofthephoenixisapowerfuloneforunderstandinghowfromthedepths of the ashes a new being is born rising high above the place of oursorrowanddespairendowedwithnewperspectivesandacquiredwisdom
HonoringtheLegacyoftheDeparted
Other than profoundly negative relationships the severance of whichprovidesreliefmostofuswanttocontinuethebondsfindingwaystohonorthelegacyofwhatwehavelost
MostlywechoosetobelievethatthedepartedwouldpreferustobehappyandtostillfulfillourdreamsIndoingso thisbecomesawayofhonoringthememory and intentions of the departed and a way of staying in contact withthemItprovidesuswithafreshopportunitytoshareournewinformationaboutourselves andour accomplishmentswith thedeceased in a figurativeway thatwebelievewouldmakethemhappy
Itallowsourbodies toengage inanaction thesimpleactionof livingourlivesinabetterwayWecannottouchthehandofalostchildorphysicallyhugalostpetyetwefindnewendeavorstoaccomplishldquoinhonorofrdquoldquoasrelatedtordquoandldquointhenameofrdquothedepartedbringingnewmeaningtotheloss
This can serve us by acknowledging and attending to the unfinishedbusiness and still effect perceptive changes even in our relationshipwith thedeceased
BeinganExampletoOthers
OursocietyisnotcomfortablewithgriefnordoesitoffersuitableoutletsforexpressionoftherelatedfeelingsInsteadgriefoftengetssweptundertherugAcommonbelief is thatwegetoverourgriefwith thepassageof timeNothingcouldbefurtherfromthetruththereisnoldquogettingoverrdquoourgriefanditdoesnot simply fade away with time By being patient with our own process weteachotherspatienceByconsciouslyaddressingoursymptomsweteachothers
about self-care By properly naming our feelings and speaking our truth weteachotherstoheargrieversoutandconsolethem
Finding a new identity after loss requires awareness and presence for themultitudeofinsightsgriefoffersBydoingourworkandsharingourexperiencewebecomeamodelanexamplethatotherscanbenefitfromintheirownlivesSociety loves those characters who are secure solid assertive and exhibitdominionoveruncertaintiesEveryonegravitates toward theherowhohumblyunderstands personal weaknesses has self-reliant qualities and has integratedacquiredknowledgeandwisdom
Aswetransitthegrievingprocessfromourheartsandtheintricaciesofourmindswediscoverourresilienceandstrengthenourskillsdefiningabetterlifeandsettingagoodexampletobewitnessedbyothers
LearningNewWaysofLoving
Our new identity can offer a different relationship between love andattachmentonethatmovesawayfrompresentingthemasequalIonceheardanotedprofessionalsaythatgriefisthepricewepayforlovebutintruthgriefisthepricewepayforattachment
Todifferentiate love fromattachmentwe set anewstandardofpossibilityboth with others and for ourselves Societies flourishing in balance and truthstartwithindividualsandrightnowthatisyouandme
Bymakingloveandattachment thesamewemistake the impermanentforpermanent and insteadof lovingunconditionallywe create the conditions forcodependenceByunderstandinghowtocontinuelovinginthefaceofabsencewe liberate love from itsmaterial basis and liberate ourselves in the processThen love achieves its full force becoming capable of transforming inunexpected ways undoing the old and granting us access to a new way oflovingourselveswithfreedomandrespect
SinkingintotheOrderoftheUniverse
The universal order is already in existence and sinking into it promotesactionsthatreinforcetheprincipleofpronoiawhichdictatesthattheuniverseisconspiring in your highest good in both the internal and externalworlds Theacceptanceofthisfactreestablishesourtrustinlifeandbringsasenseofhope
thatiselusivewhileingriefChangeisaconstantforceintheorderoftheuniverseAsyoubecomeaware
of personal choices that no longer serve you trusting the universal forceactivates conscious envisioning of new more appropriate options AnotheressentialyogictruthexpressesthatldquoalltheknowledgeyouneedforyourlifeisalreadywithinyourdquoConsidering thiscanhelpyoubreak free frompreviouslyheldbeliefsthatcauseresistance
IndoingsoyouremovethefirstofthefivecausesofsufferingasstatedbyPatanjali inTheYogaSutras ignoranceof the truthReplacing ignorancewithknowledgebasedonourpresentrealityisoftangiblebenefittogrievers
Theresultingfeeling issimilar towhatweexperiencewhenweswimwiththe current or when we sleep at night a sense of going with the flowcharacterizedbycomfortandeaseThatdoesnotmeantheabsoluteabsenceofstruggleItsuggeststhataswepracticeweencounteraccommodatingmomentsthatallowus togetcomfortablealongwith thediscomfortor relaxwithin theunrestfeelingeaseinthemidstofcomplexity
Yourecognizethatyouarepartofalargerorganismabundantinactivityandpulsatingwith lifeTheacceptance thatyouarepartofacommunityofotherswhohavehopesdesiresandfearsjustlikeyoudocanbeapowerfulantidotetotheparalyzingisolationofgrief
Youcanchangeanidentityestablishedontheoldmodelofattachmentsandembrace a new one based on the synchronicity of your coexistence with theuniverseMost of thework in yoga is related to understanding this union andallowing it to be lifersquos guiding light Transforming our grief offers theopportunity most of us seek to access to bathe in the universal wisdom andbecome part of the whole This experience changes our life forever in theintimacyofoursolitudeorinthecompanyoftherestofhumanity
GriefiswithoutadoubtthemostintenseinvitationtoacknowledgetheunionofallexistingthingsIhaveknownItnotonlyforcesustolivewithamazinglycontradictoryfeelingsandemotionssuchasldquoIdonrsquotwanttoeverthinkofhimagainmdashIdonrsquotwanttoeverforgethimrdquobutalsobecausewearepromptedtogothroughextremelyoppositeconditionsinourbodiesaswellfromfeelingfullofenergywhenexperiencingtheinitialshockofalosstofeelingdeepfatigueafewdayslaterAsconfusingastheseextremesmightseemtoourmindsourheartsfind solace and relief when able to link these opposing feelings and thoughtswith the word ldquoandrdquo A significant part of the new identity results fromsubstituting the limiting ldquobutrdquo for a more inclusive ldquoandrdquo Just think of how
differentitfeelstohearyourselfsayingldquoIwanttoremarrybutnootherwomanwilllovemethesamewayrdquoversusldquoIwanttoremarryandnootherwomanwilllove me the same wayrdquo The very presence of the word ldquobutrdquo is divisiveseparatingnotconducivetoreconciliationmdashqualitiesthatgrieversneednomoreofOnthecontraryldquoandrdquoisinclusiveunitinganinvitationtoreconcileTheseareallmilestonesforagrieveralonghisorherjourneythroughgrief
Aswe conclude the discussion of how to transform grief into a source ofself-knowledge toward a new identity I would like to revive the image of awindmillasametaphorforthisprocessoftransformationJustasthewindmillbladesaremovedbywindourwholebeingissweptupbythemysteryoflossThisnaturalphenomenon iswhatsparks the transformationofhardgrains intoedible flour just as loss forcesus to transform thedepthsofwhoweareThenewly created flour is the starting point of a future meal just as the newlyacquiredknowledgewehavegainedfromlossisthestartingpointofanewldquoIrdquo
ConclusionldquoSolitudehassoftsilkyhandsbutwithstrongfingersitgraspstheheartand
makesitachewithsorrowSolitudeistheallyofsorrowaswellasacompanionofspiritualexaltationrdquo
mdashKahlilGibran(200559)
GriefaffectsusonthedeepestlevelimaginableinallaspectsofourhumanitythephysicalmentalandspiritualBecausesomuchofouridentityiswrappedupinpreviousattachmentswhethergoodorbadthatidentityisstrippedawaywhenwe lose thosepersonsorobjects towhichwersquovebecomeattachedTheyoftenloomsolargelyinourworldthatwerarelytaketimetoquestionhowourlives might be affected by their absence When that moment comes we areforced to answer that question Regardless of our cultural background orreligiousaffiliationwefeel thatuniquesensationthatcomeswithlossBeyondany name we can find for it our whole being ldquoknowsrdquo what we are goingthrough
ThisbookisbornfromthatfeelingdeepwithinmeitisonemoreexpressionofhowmygriefpermeatedmyactionsthoughtsandwordsInowrealizethatfully embracing my personal grief along with my passion for working withgrievers professionally has been a way of emotionally relocatingmymotherandinevitablymyselfTheldquoIrdquospeakingtoyouinthepagesofthisbookcouldnotexistwithoutfirsthavingtransformedmyowngrief
Irsquove shared information about many aspects of grief that can help younormalize yours Please know that loss is part of the human condition andsooneror later grief is felt byallUnderstandinghowEast andWestdiffer intheir view of grief may help you tolerate your contradicting feelings andthoughtsYourpresentrealityisinawayinducedbyyourbrainBepatientallthroughoutlifeyourbrainadaptsbyrewiringitselfthroughexperiencemdashsocanyou
Irsquove offered tools to transform your physical reality through body
movementsandpostures aswell as to reshapeyourmentalpanorama throughbreath work and connect with the deep wisdom of your Spirit throughmeditation Irsquove given suggestions to tailor your practice according to yourabilitiesandneedsUnderstanding the relationshipbetween the techniquesandthewaysthetechniquesaffectgriefcaninformyourchoicesastowhichofthemtopractice
ThesimpleactofpracticingismoreimportantthananyonespecificexercisecontainedinthisbookWhathelpsyoumostisprovingtoyourselfthatyouhavetheintentiontochangePracticewillhelpyoufindwaysofkeepinganenduringconnectionwithwhoorwhathasdepartedwhilerelatingtoyournewemergingselfAsyouwitnessyourselfthepracticehasalreadybegun
ThroughthepowerofyogayouareabletoplungeintothedepthsthathousenotonlyyourpainbutalsoyourtrueselfItisoftenduringthistimethatweareabletomakereallastingchangesthatputusonanewpathtowardgreaterself-fulfillment and ultimate acceptance of the laws of the Universemdashour humbleessenceisjustonemoregrainofsandontheshoresofexistence
In our modern society we tend to trek through life at a breakneck pacestopping to look and listen only rarely either when itrsquos convenient or mostcommon when we are shocked into awareness Loss itself causes the soul-stirring awakening that transforms us even though grief asks not if we arepreparedforsuchtransformativework
Timeisanessentialpartof theprocess justnot theonlyonePayingcloseattentiontothewisdomofourSpiritisrequiredBereavementisatimewhentheSpirit can be contacted most readily because its latent power is clearlyaccessibleAsyoutranscendtheapparentdualityofexistenceyouwillfindthatlifeanddeathabsenceandpresencearepartofonecontinuumandcannotstripyouoftheloveresidingunderneathyoursuffering
TheyogapracticeIrsquovesharedwithyouisnottohelpavoidsufferingratherit is toaidyou in finding reliefAsyouexperienceyourgriefmore fullyyoumove closer to the unique being that you truly are Grief then becomes anaturally humbling invitation to self-reflection not something to be reviled orshunnedManyculturesacceptdeathasatimeofrenewalasapreciousmomentthat teaches us about the bonds we all share including the one with oneselfWhen loss occurs many of us let in loneliness for the first time As youacknowledge the life that has departed you also feel the life that still resideswithinandyouareinvitedtorecognizethatonedaythislifewilltoodepart
This isyour time toaccessasacredspacesetyour intentionsandwitness
theunfoldingoflifeonebreathinonebreathoutYouaretheonewhoneedsacknowledgmentinthismomentmorethananythingelseHereyogacanonceagain assist you Just consider one of yogarsquos core teachings ldquoWhat we arelookingforistheonewhoislookingrdquoYouareonyourwayhellip
GlossaryASANA
PhysicalmovementorposturetraditionallyfoundinthesystemofyogaByfirstaddressing thephysicalasanas help establish a strong foundation in the bodybeforemoreadvancedexercisesandmeditationareperformed
ATTACHMENTTHEORY
Theory pioneered by the behaviorist John Bowlby that discusses how we ashumanbeingsformemotionalbondsasinfantsandchildrenthatthendetermineourlove-relatedbehaviorsintoadulthood
AYURVEDA
AscienceoflifeayurmeaninglifeandvedameaningscienceorknowledgeItoffersabodyofwisdomdesignedtohelppeoplestayvitalwhilerealizingtheirfullhumanpotentialProvidingguidelinesonidealdailyandseasonalroutinesAyurvedaremindsusthathealthisthebalancedanddynamicintegrationofourenvironmentmindbodyandspirit
CHAKRAS
Energetic centers in the physical body that correspond to different nerveplexuses and endocrine glands aswell as certain emotional and psychologicaltraitsEachchakrasignifiesdifferentstagesofhumanevolution
DEGRIEFINGPROCESS
An integrated approach to grief therapy pioneered by Lyn Prashant thatincorporates bodywork traditional grief counseling and complementarytherapies
JWILLIAMWORDEN
American psychologist and grief counselor who created the ldquotasksrdquo model ofgrievingwhich identifies four tasks thegrievermust transit to fulfillanormalgrievingprocess
MEDITATION
MeditationisidentifiedbyPatanjaliwhowroteTheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliasthe primary means by which the practitioner achieves liberation It usuallyentailslimitingtherangeofchangeofthemindtobringaboutcalmandfocus
NORMALIZATION
Theconcept encountered ingrief therapy thatgrief symptomsarenormal andthat thesufferingagriever feelsaftera loss isnot tobeshunned It takes intoaccount both cultural and familial dismissals of grief This is often away forgrieverstofirstaccepttherealityoftheirlossandtostartprocessingthroughthepainoftheirgrief
PRANAYAMA
BreathingexercisestraditionallyfoundinthesystemofyogaBymanipulatingtheprana(lifeforce)pranayamaleadsustooperateontheconsciousnessitself
PRIMARYLOSS
The loss of a loved one object or ideal that occurs first and causes a typicalgriefreaction
PSYCHOPHYSIOLOGY
Multidisciplinarystudyofpsychologybiologyandneurologythatdemonstrateshowenvironmentalfactorsinfluenceusonapsychologicallevel
SADHANA
A spiritual practice that advocates a set of practical exercises to establishregularitythatsustainedovertimeleadsustospiritualfulfillment
SANKALPA
Theyogic principle ofResolveThis helps aid practitioners in identifying andsettinggoalsfortheirpracticeandthereforetheirlives
SECONDARYLOSSES
Lossesthatoccurasaresultoftheprimarylosshavingoccurred
SHATKARMA
Cleansing exercises that help purify both the body and mind preparing thepractitionerformeditation
YOGA
Asix-thousand-year-olddisciplinefromancientIndiawherebythroughphysicalexercises breath work and meditation we can overcome the suffering weencounterinlifeandcontactourSpirit
YOGACHIKITSA
Manrsquosfirstattemptatunitiveunderstandingofthemindemotionsandphysicaldistressandtheoldestholisticconceptandtherapyintheworld
YOGATHERAPY
Westernmodulationoftheoriginaldisciplineofyogaoftenperformedone-on-onethatcombinestraditionaltherapeuticmodelswiththebenefitsbestowedbythepracticeofyoga
ReferencesBegleySharon2007ldquoTheBrainHowtheBrainRewiresItselfrdquoTimeJanuary
192007httpcontenttimecomtimemagazinearticle09171158043800html
BhaktivedantaACSwamiPrabhupada1972Bhagavad-GitaasItIsLosAngelesBhaktivedantaBookTrust
Boleyn-FitzgeraldMiriam2010PicturesoftheMindWhattheNewNeuroscienceTellsUsAboutWhoWeAreNewYorkFTPress
BowlbyJohn1969AttachmentandLossVol1AttachmentNewYorkBasicBooks
BowlbyJohn1972AttachmentandLossVol2SeparationAnxietyandAngerNewYorkBasicBooks
BrezsnyRob2009PronoiaIstheAntidoteforParanoiaRevisedandExpandedHowtheWholeWorldisConspiringtoShowerYouwithBlessingsBerkeleyCANorthAtlanticBooks
BrobergAndersG2000ldquoAReviewofInterventionsintheParentndashChildRelationshipInformedbyAttachmentTheoryrdquoActaPaeligdiatrica89(434)37ndash42
BryantEdwinFed2009TheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliANewEditionTranslationandCommentaryNewYorkFarrarStrausandGiroux
DavidsonRichard2012TheEmotionalLifeofYourBrainHowItsUniquePatternsAffecttheWayYouThinkFeelandLivemdashandHowYouCanChangeThemNewYorkHudsonStreetPress
DiamondLisaM2001ldquoContributionsofPsychophysiologytoResearchonAdultAttachmentReviewandRecommendationsrdquoPersonalityandSocialPsychologyReview5(4)276ndash95
DiemerDeedre1998TheABCsofChakraTherapyAWorkbookYorkBeach
MaineSamuelWeiserInc
FreudSigmund1953ldquoMourningandMelancholiardquoInCollectedPapersVolIVeditedbyErnestJones152ndash70LondonTheHogarthPress
GardnerJames2002ldquoSomaticAspectsofLossandGriefrdquoNotesforUCBerkeleyExtensionContinuingEducationWorkshopBerkeleyCalifOctober26ndash27
GardnerJames2010ldquoTheAnxietyToolboxProgramrdquohttpwwwanxietytoolboxcomtoolboxindexhtm
GibranKahlil2005ldquoSilentSorrowrdquoInTheKahlilGibranReaderInspirationalWritingstranslatedbyAnthonlyRFerris59ndash61NewYorkCitadelPress
GoetheJohannWolfgangvon(attributed)DateunknownFromldquoUntilOneIsCommittedhelliprdquobyMeredithLeeGoetheSocietyofNorthAmericalastmodifiedMarch51998httpwwwgoethesocietyorgpagesquotescomhtml
LowenAlexander1994BioenergeticsTheRevolutionaryTherapyThatUsestheLanguageoftheBodytoHealtheProblemsoftheMindNewYorkPenguinArkana
LuncheHowardJ1999UnderstandingGriefAGuidefortheBereavedBerkeleyCASVLPress
MainMaryandJudithSolomon1986ldquoDiscoveryofanInsecureDisorientedAttachmentPatternProceduresFindingsandImplicationsfortheClassificationofBehaviorrdquoInAffectiveDevelopmentinInfancyeditedbyTBerryBrazeltonandMichaelYogmanNewYorkAblexPublishing
PanagotacosVicki2012ldquoDefiningandEnvisioningSelfrdquoInTechniquesofGriefTherapyCreativePracticesforCounselingtheBereavededitedbyRobertANeimeyerNewYorkRoutledge
Pascual-LeoneAlvaro2001ldquoTheBrainThatPlaysMusicandIsChangedByItrdquoAnnalsoftheNewYorkAcademyofSciences930315ndash29
PertCandace1997MoleculesofEmotionWhyYouFeeltheWayYouFeelNewYorkScribner
Pittman-SchulzKimberley2011ldquoLightHeldTogetherByWaterrdquoTheSunMagazineOctober162011
PrashantLyn2002TheArtofTransformingGriefAPracticalGuideforCombiningConventionalandComplementaryMind-BodyTherapiesSanAnselmoCalifSelf-published
PrashantLyn2005Keynotespeechatthe12thAnnualNationalAlzheimerrsquosConferenceMayoClinicRochesterMinnNovember
RandoTherese1993TreatmentofComplicatedMourningChampaignIllResearchPress
RawatPremPalSingh1990March16LectureatThePremRawatFoundationBuenosAiresArgentina
ReichWilhelm1949CharacterAnalysisNewYorkFarrarStrausandGiroux
RosenbaumBentandSverreVarvin2007ldquoTheInfluenceofExtremeTraumatizationonBodyMindandSocialRelationsrdquoInternationalJournalofPsychoanalysis88(6)1527ndash42
SatyanandaSwami1976FourChaptersonFreedomBiharIndiaYogaPublicationsTrust
SatyanandaSwami1985KundaliniTantraBiharIndiaYogaPublicationsTrust
SelbyJohn1992KundaliniAwakeningAGentleGuidetoChakraActivationandSpiritualGrowthNewYorkBantamBooks
StrykerRod2011TheFourDesiresCreatingaLifeofPurposeHappinessProsperityandFreedomNewYorkDelcortePress
SubramuniyaswamiSivaya1999WeaverrsquosWisdomAncientPreceptsforaPerfectLifeKapaaHIHimalayanAcademy
UlvestadElling2012ldquoPsychoneuroimmunologyTheExperientialDimensionrdquoMethodsinMolecularBiology93421ndash37
VandenBergBellisAlbertWongPetervanderVeldenHendriekBoshuizenandLindaGrievink2012ldquoDisasterExposureasaRiskFactorforMentalHealthProblemsEighteenMonthsFourandTenYearsPost-DisasterALongitudinalStudyrdquoBMCPsychiatry12147ndash60
WhitleyBellKaren2010LivingattheEndofLifeAHospiceNurseAddressestheMostCommonQuestionsNewYorkSterlingPublishing
WeintraubAmy2004YogaforDepressionACompassionateGuidetoRelieveSufferingThroughYogaNewYorkBroadwayBooks
WordenJWilliam2009GriefCounselingandGriefTherapyAHandbookfortheMentalHealthPractitioner4thedNewYorkSpringerPublishingCo
AntonioSausysMAIGTCMTRYTisasomaticpsychotherapistandyogainstructorspecializing inone-on-oneyoga therapy forpeoplewithchronicandacutemedicalconditionsaswellasemotionalimbalanceHestudiedwithyogamasters and teachers such as Indra Devi Swami Maitreyananda and LarryPayne He has continued his professional development with training inintegrative grief therapy with Lyn Prashant foot reflexology SwedishtherapeuticmassageandReikiAntonioteachesandlecturesperiodicallyattheUniversityofCaliforniaBerkeleyattheCaliforniaInstituteofIntegralStudiesKripaluCenterforYogaandHealthHeisamemberoftheWorldYogaCounciltheInternationalAssociationofYogaTherapistsandtheAssociationforDeathEducationandCounselingHeisthefounderandexecutivedirectorofYogaforHealthmdashthe International Yoga Therapy Conference and television host forYogiViewsFormoreinformationvisityogaforgriefreliefcom
TheauthorthankshisfreelanceeditorElliottVogel forhiscreativeassistanceonYogaforGriefReliefVogelisafreelancewriterandeditorAstudentofyogaforovertenyearsVogelrsquosjourneystudyingthephilosophyandpracticeofyogaoriginatedunderthetutelageofthebookrsquosauthorAntonioSausysHecurrentlyresidesinMillValleyCA
Foreword writer Lyn Prashant PhD FT IGT SYVC is a somaticthanatologist certified grief counselor massage therapist yoga instructorauthorandinternationalpresenterSheisthedirectorandfounderofDegriefingreg
(IntegrativeGriefTherapy)andtheInstituteofSomaticThanatology
- Contents
- Acknowledgments
- Foreword
- Introduction
- Grief A Normal Response to Loss
-
- Defining Grief The Western View
- Four Tasks of Mourning A Road Map for the Grieving Process
- Grief and the Brain
-
- Yoga and Grief
-
- The Five Spokes on the Wheel of Suffering
- Griefrsquos Challenge to Spirituality
- Love Beyond Attachment
-
- How the Yoga for Grief Relief Practice Works
-
- How This Practice Was Born
- The Active Principles of the Practice
- How the Practice Functions as a Whole
-
- What You Can Do The Yoga Practice
-
- Accepting Life Fully
- Unblocking the Flow of the Life Force
- Whisking Up the Feelings
- Let Go
- Sleep Better and Awaken to a New Perspective
- Control Is Somehow Possible
- Bringing Calm to a Scattered Mind and a Distressed Body
- Dissolving Old Patterns and Reprogramming the Mind with Intention
- Opening to Spirit
-
- Designing the Logistical Aspects of Your Practice
-
- Setting the Intention
- Should You Practice Alone or Under Guidance
- Is It Better to Practice Individually or in a Group
- Is It Safe to Do This Practice by Yourself
- Which Exercises Are Best for Me
- Where Should I Practice
- When Should I Practice
- For How Long Should I Practice
- Your Practice Changes as You Do
-
- The Process of Transformation
-
- Finding a New Identity After Loss
- How Can the Transformation Be Accomplished
- What Are the Possible Meanings of Finding a New Identity After Loss
-
- Conclusion
- Glossary
- References
-
Chapter5DesigningtheLogisticalAspectsofYourPracticeSettingtheIntentionShouldYouPracticeAloneorUnderGuidanceIsItBettertoPracticeIndividuallyorinaGroupIsItSafetoDoThisPracticebyYourselfWhichExercisesAreBestforMeWhereShouldIPracticeWhenShouldIPracticeForHowLongShouldIPracticeYourPracticeChangesasYouDo
Chapter6TheProcessofTransformationFindingaNewIdentityAfterLossHowCantheTransformationBeAccomplishedWhatArethePossibleMeaningsofFindingaNewIdentityAfterLoss
ConclusionGlossaryReferences
Acknowledgments
My deep gratitude goes to Lyn Prashant Her immense knowledge of theimplicationsofgriefforthebodyinformedandenlightenedmyunderstandingofthis difficult time for the human heart Her insightfulmentorship transformedandenligthenedmyprofessionaloutlookHercompassionandprofoundabilitytoholdspacesupportedmethroughthetransformationofmyownbereavementHergentleyetfiercecommitmenttothetruthofthesoulmovedmetolevelsofdepthstillmanifesting inmy life todayHerwisdomanddedication toservingothersinspiredmyworkIrsquomhonoredtohavehadtheopportunitytodeveloptheseedsheplantedwithinmeandIthanktheuniversalorderforhavingourpathsmeetinthislifetime
I thank Elliott Vogel whose patience dedication and creative assistancehelpedshapemywritingwhilepreservingmyownvoiceHiseditstranslatedthelanguage of my heart into adequate words that now reach the ears of thosewillingtolisten
AnimageisworthathousandwordsMysincerethankstoBryanHendonapowerfulhumanbeingwithawizardinhiseyesSeeingmyselfthroughhislensgavemeconfidenceandrevealedarenewedimageofmyself
Thanks tomy dearwifeKatiawho supportedme in somany loving andrespectfulways throughout theprocessofwriting thisbookHerbeliefguidedme back tomy self-trust so that I could continue she helpedme remove theobstaclesagainandagainThankyousweetie
Finally I must thank the wisdom of Yoga that pouring through my lifeturnedmeintoahumblevehicleoftheuniversalknowledgeweallabideby
Foreword
In1984IwaslivingattheLivingDyingProjectinSantaFeNewMexicowithmy young husbandMark He was exploring the nature of his life and deathprovokedbytheextremeafflictionofmetastasizedheadandneckcancerIwasnewlymarriedandboththegrievingwifeanddesignatedsurvivorWithMarkrsquosdeathDegriefing(IntegrativeGriefTherapy)wasbornandmylifersquosworkwasshowntome
AtfirstIquestionedhowIwasgoingtocontinuetofindmeaninginmysolojourneyIaskedMarkldquoWhoamIWhodiesWheredoyougoWhatamItodowiththerestofmyliferdquo
ldquoLearntoloveeverythingasyoulovemerdquowashissimplystatedresponseIsoughtoutprofessionals tohelpme learn todo that andyet felt invisiblenotheardnotseenIdidnrsquotevenunderstandhowtobegintolookformeAcaringand concerned friend treated me to my first experience of truly consciousbodyworkwhichhelpedmebegintotoleratebeinginmyskin
Ialsonoted thatwhenIcoaxedmygrievingbody intosomeyogaposes Ifelt the molecular shift of my internal particles reorganizing As an athletephysical education teacher and coach I saw how the physical body not onlyneedsitsownexpressionbutactuallydemandsphysicalreleaseThisresetsthebalance of the many interconnected complex biological systems involved ingriefMythinkingwasclearerafterarunoradanceoraswimIsawthatwhenIengagedmybodyIfeltenergizedratherthandrainedIwasfeelingalifeforceinside ofme resurging How could this beWas this okayWould I losemyconnectionwithMarkifthepainstartedtosubsideThisforcethisfuelwhatisitforhellipTodowhathellipToknowwhatIwasreappearinginanewversionofmyever-changingself
As I was preparing to graduate from the Grief Counseling CertificationProgramattheGraduateSchoolofProfessionalPsychologyatJFKUniversityIwas offered a position as the director of the first holistic health spa in thesouthernconeofSouthAmericaBeforedepartingtheSanFranciscoBayAreaIstatedIwouldmanifestthemostamazingyogateacherinSouthAmericaThisstatement actualized itself whenAntonio interviewed for the position of yogainstructoronthespastaffIsharedmyvisionofworkingwiththebereavedand
askedifhewouldliketoparticipateHisresponsewaspassionateandgenuineexhibitingcontinuedinterestdevotionandcommitment
YogaforGriefReliefisanoffshootoftheDegriefingprocessrepresentingtheworkof IntegrativeGriefTherapyat its core It directly relates to somaticthanatology which uses integrative therapeutic interventions as externalizingtoolsinvolvingthebodymindandspiritEachindividualchoosesandusesthetoolsthatwillhelphimorhernavigatetheuncharteredwatersofgriefYogaisthe master transformer by offering teaching and options for everything andeveryone Grief turns us inside out and upside down and so does yogacompassionately lovingly individually itmeetsuswhereweare inourselvesYogaguidesustoawayoflifethatpromoteshealthyintentionalchangeItisawayofself-loveandloveforall
IsawinAntoniotheinfinitepossibilitiesandwide-rangingopportunitiesforhimtoassistthebereavedIfoundthathishighlyskilledapproachalongwithhisexpert training in both the yogic tradition and body-oriented psychotherapyprovidedhimwithamind-bodybalancecosmicallysuitedforhislifeworkasayogamasterHeisdevotedtothehighestgoodforeveryoneandisalovingandfiercetaskmastertransmittingtheknowledgeoftheyogicwayoflivingIknewthatAntoniowastheonetocarryforththeDegriefingworkthroughYoga
ItisallhereinthisimportantbookItdelicatelycombinesandcorrelatestheuseofEasternwisdomwithWesternphilosophyWearegrievinggloballyandneedadoseofuniversalknowledgetopromotebalancewithineachoneofus
This book is a gift a friend and a tool It offers maps to demystify andnormalize aspects of grieving by presenting options for transforming ourphysical grief balancing systems compromised by its profound and humblingeffectsSincewearejumbledscatteredandshatteredalreadyweareinaprimeposition to integratenewcopingskills fora lifebased in thebuddingsenseofournewlyrevealedpersonalreality
InYogaforGriefReliefwelearntoexpressnotrepresstoexternalizenotinternalizetobreatheagainandrelocateallourlossestoourheartcentersowecan thrive within our newly met self Antoniorsquos work has furthered thedevelopment of Degriefingrsquos basic premises and illuminates the process ofworking with our grief Yoga provides support for all the systems and is thecontainerforintegrationofmind-body-spirit
Read and cherish this book digest it share it and embody the relief youseekWith the teachings of yoga and Antoniorsquos astute guidance take a deepbreathandbuckleyourpsychicseatbeltYouareonyourwayhome
mdashLynPrashantPhD
Introduction
GriefisaradicalopportunitytotransformourawarenessbutfewofusknowitWhenIwastwentyyearsoldmymotherdiedofastrokeFortwoandahalfyears I lived in a state of denial completely disconnected frommy feelingsWhenIwasfinallyabletobewithmypainIdiscoveredtomyastonishmentthatmybodyhadcreatedanadditionalcalciumdepositbetweenoneofmyribsandthebreastbonemdashwhatthebodywillsometimesdoinresponsetoafractureIn essence what my mind had been hiding my body showed with pristineclarityIhadabrokenheart
As life continued after the loss of my mother I began training with LynPrashant an outstanding grief counselor and therapist and creator of theDegriefingprocessacomprehensivemind-bodyapproachtogrieftherapyShehelpedmelearnthatgriefisoneofourleast-tappedsourcesofself-knowledgeSometime after starting to work together Lyn asked me to develop a yogapractice to address the body-centered effects of grief which can range fromfeelings of lethargy to dull aches tightness in the chest cavity shortness ofbreathandsleeplessnessIwaswellequippedthroughmytrainingasasomaticpsychotherapist and yoga teacher But it was my own personal experience ofgrief that led me to build a sadhana or spiritual discipline that eventuallybecameaholisticpracticeIcallYogaforGriefRelief
Today many of us though we donrsquot know it live in a perpetual state ofunacknowledgedgriefTherearemanyreasonsfor thisOneprimaryreason isthatweliveinasocietythatoftenshiesawayfromthepowerfulemotionsthatgriefpresentstousWeareoftenstoiclumberingthroughlosswithoutfeelingreturningtoworkorourdailylivesafterthelosslikenothinghappenedweburyourgriefdeepinsideofuswhereitremainstrappedbothinbodyandmind
Griefhappens in thebody yet thephysical symptoms that comeup in thegrievingprocessarenotalwaysdealtwithasdirectlyas theyshouldbeThesesymptomsarejustascommontothegrievingprocessasmentalandemotionalsymptomsandrequirejustasmuchattentioninordertobetreatedTalktherapycanbewonderfulbuttoooftenthebody-centeredeffectsofgriefgetsubsumedundertheemotionalissuesbeingdealtwithApersoncanatthesametimeandwith not much difficulty experience relief from these physical symptoms byperformingafewbasicexercisesTheseexercisesknowncollectivelyasyoga
weredevelopedmorethansixthousandyearsagobypeoplegiftedinthementalpowersofintuitionTheyrealizeddirectlywhatweintheWestarebeginningtounderstand today through the advent ofmodern science that the humanmindandbodytrulyshareaconnectionandinfluenceoneanotherandthat throughpracticeonecanlivefreelyinanabundanceofjoyandpresenceofSpirit
AbundanceofjoyYoumaythinkyouhavepickedupthewrongbooksincethesepagesare focusedongriefand themethods thatcanhelp thosesufferingfromitseffectsButIhaveexperiencedfirsthandthejoyyogacanprovideamidthemostoverwhelmingsorrowthehealingbroughtaboutbytheperformanceofsimple physical movements and different breathing techniquesmdashpractices youmayalreadybefamiliarwithWhatthisbookoffersisnotaldquoretreatrdquofromgriefnoraldquoreleaserdquofromgriefbutsimplysomerelieffromgriefOnceweareabletoworkphysicallywith the new reality loss has thrown us intowewill then beabletobetterunderstandwhatitisthathashappenedtousOnceweareabletoacknowledgethatononehandourliveswillneverbethesameandthatontheother hand all the potential of the universe lies within us a different picturestartstoemerge
LynPrashant affirms that ldquowedonrsquot get over our losseswe transformourrelationship to themrdquo and I agree with her one hundred percent Grief is apowerfulsourceofinformationaboutwhowearewhenwedaretolookThereisanaturalprogressionfromonetotheotherandifweareabletotransformourrelationship togrief inaway that results in improvedself-knowledge thenwecan establish a new identity We identify ourselves through the persons andthingsweareattachedtowhenwelosethemwelosepartofwhoweareYetwecontinuebeingonlyinawaythatisnotknowntousTheprocessoffindingoutwhothenewldquoonerdquoisismultilayeredItinvolvesunderstandinganddealingwith thephysical symptomsofgriefactuallycompleting thegrievingprocessandreidentifyingourselvesnotbasedonpreconceivedorprelearnednotionsbutinstead on our true essence the onewersquove come somuch closer to thanks tohavingbeenstrippedofourpreviousidentityForthattohappenwemustworkThesadhana Irsquovedevelopedoffersapracticemdashthefoundationfor theworkwemustdomdashandalongthewayIrsquollsharetoolstohelpusreapthebenefitsweareafter
Bysittingwithawarenesswestart toaccept thechangeswearenowfacedwithAsweconsciouslyworkwithandevenchallengeourlearnedreactionsweask What starts to emerge from the chaos that loss leaves behind It is agroundedindividualonewhoisable toaccept thenewrealityandtocontinuewithlifeacalmpractitionerevenacuriousyogiAndwhydowepracticeItis
for the same reason that people inmodern-day India sat in yogic postures sixthousandyearsagopracticingmeditationbecausethedesiretoresolvesufferingisuniversalWeallneedcopingmechanismsweallneedtreatmentsthatsootheourrestlessmindsandourachingbodiesbutaboveallweneedtheknowledgethatcanbegainedsimplybybaskinginonersquosinnersilence
The practice I have developed for transforming grief from a painfulexperienceintoaconscioussourceofself-knowledgeisintroducedinthisbookin a six-part sequence breathing exercises body movements cleansingtechniquesrelaxationmentalreprogrammingandmeditation
Thebreathingtechniqueshelpbringbackasenseofcontroltotheindividualbymanipulatingthepranaorvitalforcewhichhelpsunitethegapbetweentheconscious and the unconscious The body movements serve to manage thebodyrsquosphysicalsymptomsofgriefparticularlyaddressingpainandotheracutesymptomsThecleansing techniqueshelp reset theendocrinesystemaffectingthe fight-or-flight responsewhich plays an essential role in the grief reactionandthefeelingsassociatedwith itRelaxation is includedwith the intentionofdiminishing the stress levels that increase during grief The powerful yogicprincipleofResolvehelpsresetmentalpatternsandfocusesthemindtowardthetransformationofgriefFinallymeditationisusedtoaddresstheSpiritoncethebody is still and the mind is calm that which is neither body nor mind canmanifestmoreclearly
Themainasana (physical posture) of theYoga forGriefRelief practice iscalled theWindmill Symbolically the windmill serves as an analogy for theprocessoftransformationofgriefintoanewidentityTheforcesoftheunknownmdashthewindmdashpowerthemechanismsofthewindmilljustasthemysteryoflosscreatesachurninginthedepthsofourownselvesAsthewindmillutilizesthesometimeswildanddestructiveforceofwindenergytomechanicallytransformhardgrains intoedible flour the techniques in this sadhana can transformourSpiritsleftvacantbylossbutopentoreceivingtheknowledgethatexistswithinusJustasthegrainbeingpulverizedresultsinafinerqualityofflourtheyogaexercisessharedhereoperateataneurochemicallevelimprovingourmoodandstrengtheningourresolveinthefaceofinsurmountablelossNotonlydoesthephysical component of the practice make us feel better new patterns areestablished that link the conscious performance of certain exercises with anoverallsenseofwell-beingMoreneuroscientistsarediscoveringthatourbrainsare resilient organs capable of far more than we had previously given themcreditforespeciallyintherealmofemotionaldisordersandaddictionButtheconclusionsofmodernneuroscienceall seem topoint tooneessential truthof
biological determinism practice makes perfect Our brains are capable ofreformation but they require discipline Yoga is an ancient art one whosefounders realized the importance of practice for physical results in the bodylastingimpressionsoftranquilityinthemindandtheevolutionofthesoul
It is the techniques themselves that are the inspiration for this book ThepracticemdashanditseffectsmdashresonatesstronglyinmylifetodayandinthoseofmystudentswhohaveengagedinitTheaimofthispracticeistohelpyouacceptthe realityof lossand thenwork through thepainofgriefOnceapersoncanadjusttothisnewsituationorenvironmentwithoutthelovedonethenheorshecan emotionally reinvest the love attached to the lost person or object andembarkonanewlife
When lateron in lifemyfatherpassedawaydespitemyknowledgeof thegrievingprocessandtheawarenessIhaveaboutwhatpracticescanhelptraverseit nothing could save me from experiencingmdashagainmdashthat deep pain of lossThere is noway around grief going through it is the only healthyway ThisbookandthetechniquesIdemonstrateherearenotawayofldquogettingovergriefrdquoInstead of avoiding the feelings these techniques are designed to help younavigate through emotions that are not always pleasant Because of myexperienceasayogatherapistIhadanawarenessofwhatsomeofmyreactionsweregoingtobewhenmyfatherdiedandIknewIhadtoolsIcouldutilizetohelp normalize those reactions and emerge anew It ismyhope that this bookwillofferawindowtotheuniquewayyouexperienceyourowngriefandgiveyousomesimpletechniquesthatwillhelpyousafelyexplorethatexperience
Youmay benefit from reading this book if you are looking to explore orwork with grief in the intimacy of a home yoga practice or existing studioworkoutifyouwouldliketocomplementthegrieftherapythatyouarealreadyengaged in or if you work with grieving individuals in your profession andwouldliketointegratetheknowledgeofyogaintoyourexistingtoolbox
Inchapter1youwill find information thatwillhelpnormalizeyourgriefYouwillstarttounderstandtheuniquenessofyourgrievingprocessandatthesame time acknowledge someuniversal truths about it In chapter2 youwilllearnsomeofthesuccinctwisdomofyogawhichwillhelpyouunderstandgriefinadifferentculturalcontextandhowparticularenergycenters(chakras)reactwhenwegrieveThewisdomteachingsareaknowledgethatisinactioninallofusregardlessofourbackgroundsorbeliefsystems
Inchapter3youwilllearnabouteachgeneralcategoryofpracticeandhowtheycanbeusedtoaddressdifferentaspectsofthegrievingprocessChapter4
presentstheexercisesinasimplehow-tomannerincludinghoweachtechniquecan help transform grief Chapter 5 offers guidance on how to set up yourpracticeaccording towhatrsquospossible foryouandwhatyourpersonal intentionisThis chapter also showsyouhow to start framingyour ideal conditions forpractice identifying what you want to accomplish along with any possiblebarriersInanycasewhatrsquosmostimportantisthatyoumeetyourselfwhereyouareItmaysoundsimplebutisoftenachallengeforthosefacedwithloss
AfterlearningthetechniquesandstartingtoplanhowtointegratethemintoyourlifeyouwilldiscoverhowtheyogapracticeservesthegreaterprocessoftransformationthatawakensyourspiritualconnectionwithlifeInchapter6youwilllearntoidentifyoldpatternsandwaysofthinkingyouwouldliketodiscardandpromote thoseyounowwelcomeaspartof the journey towardyourmostcompleteversionofyourselfThoughyoumightnotyethavefinishedgrievingyoucan start to seeways inwhich theexperienceofgrief serves to transformyourlifebygettingtothecoreofwhoyoureallyare
AsyoureadthroughthisbookremembertobegentlewithyourselfUsethisbookasaguidedrawfrom itwhenneededand remember that inorder tobeeffective these techniquesneed to bepracticed Intellectual information is notwhatweareafter Ifourmindscould solve themysteryof lossandgriefyouwould not be reading this book nor would I have written it I hope that inreading this book and throughyour ownpractice youmay access the hiddengiftthatliestrappedinthepainfulexperienceofgrief
Chapter1
GriefANormalResponsetoLoss
Grief affects the physical mental spiritual and emotional aspects of ourhumanityItisournormalreactiontolossbutthistruismdoesnotmakeitanyeasiertodealwithWeseemtoliveasifthethingsweareattachedtoarealwaysgoing to be thereAndmany of uswere raised in cultures that do not openlyacknowledge grief When faced with the pain and shock of loss we feelawkward clueless and confused overwhelmed and unprepared to begin tosootheourselvesAphraseheardfrequentlyfromgrievingpeopleisldquoIfeelasifIamgoingcrazyrdquoSomeconsider theprocessofbereavement tobean illnessrather than a normal part of the human condition that seeks outlet andexpression The cries of heartbreak allow the body to achieve balance byfacilitatingthereleaseofstresshormonesandsoothingsomeofthephysicalpainencounteredingrief
People experience grief in different ways We experience a vast array ofemotionalandphysicalsymptomsfromtheagitatedandanxioustothelethargicanddepressedfrombodyachesandmusclestiffness todisruptionsinsleepingandeatinghabitsThecommonfactor inall thesesymptomsishowourbrainsareinvolvedinthegrievingprocessCurrentresearchexploringtherolethatthebrainplays inemotional life isdiscussedlater in thischapter inldquoGriefandtheBrainrdquo
Yoga forGriefRelief is an entireprogramdesigned to support and informyou in all aspects of bereavement Itrsquos important to recognize that while thegrieving process is profoundly uncomfortable it is actually normalHowevercomplicatedgrief that continues toprovokeunhealthybehaviorsover the longterm and that takes an extreme toll on the griever is often better served byprofessionalhelp
DefiningGriefTheWesternViewGriefisapervasiveforceendemictothehumanconditionandanessentialpartofouremotionalmakeupEachculturerelatestogriefuniquelyWhereyougrewup how openwas your society to discussing issues that produce griefWhatcommonfuneraryritualsdidyourcultureprovideWhatvalueswereextolledby
yourfamilyDidpeopleinyourlifetypicallydieathomeorinhospitalsDidyougrowupinalargehouseholdorareyouanonlychild
The answers to these questions can and often do significantly influencereactionstolossJust thinkofhowagrievermayexperiencehisorhersorrowdifferentlyifinUruguayorintheUnitedStatesItisthecustominUruguaythatfamilyandclose friends spend thenightwith themourner immediatelyafter adeathtosharethepainandsorrowstayingawakethankstoafewcupsofcoffeeThentogethertheysayfarewelltothedeceasedandputtheremainstorestIntheUnitedStatesamorecommonwayofaccompanyingamourneristoattendawakeaneventthatoccurssometimeafterthedeathinwhichpeopletellfunnystoriesmentiongoodqualitiesoftheonegoneandthencelebratethedeceasedrsquoslifelavishlywithalcoholandfood
Alsoconsideran individual living inasociety that setsasideaspecialdayforrememberingandcelebratingthedeadversusapersonlivinginaculturethatfinds the outward exposure of sorrow socially inappropriate and lacking tasteTheseculturaldifferencesalsoaffecttheopinionsviewsandbeliefsofWesternpsychologists and clinicians who often assume very contradictory views tothoseofthemonksandswamisItrainedwithduringmyinitiationtoyoga
My dual training in the fields of somatic psychotherapy and the timelesswisdom of Yoga has allowed me to experience both worldviews firsthandRegrettablyWestern culture tends to sweepgrief under the rug by ignoring itentirely or compartmentalizing it Only minimal attention to grief is allowedeffectively preventing us from understanding its nature It is skillful to askourselvesquestionssuchasldquoWhatisthefirstgreatlossIremembersufferingWhocouldItalktoHowdidIcopewiththeexperienceHowdidthepeoplearoundme actrdquoThis inquiry encourages self-awareness and understanding ofhow your family and cultural background influence your relationship to yourowngrieftoday
DespitetherichvarietyofanswerstothesequestionsIwouldliketostartbysaying that grief is our natural response to lossmdashany loss Traditionally wethink of grief as being the range of emotional and psychological responsesexperiencedafterthedeathofsomeoneweloveButdeathisnottheonlytypeoflossthatelicitsgriefSomemightfeelgriefoverthelossofaprizedpossessionapetajobadreamortheiryouthInfactIhavewitnessedhumansgrievingthelossofperceivedinvincibilityafterbreakingabonethediscontinuationofaregularlyscheduledTVshoworafavoritebrandofsneakersorhavingreachedtheendofadeliciousnovelThecombinedeffectsofourlossesbigandsmallmajorandminoraccumulateinourbodiesThejudgmentthatsomelossesare
trivial and are therefore unimportant to consider can exacerbate feelings ofconfusion isolation and shame This can interfere with a grieverrsquos ability toaccepttherealityofwhereheorsheisinhisorherpersonalprocess
TwoTypesofLosses
Identifyingprimaryandsecondary losses ishelpful forcompassionateself-reflectionTheinitiallosstheonethatoccursfirstisusuallyreferredtoastheprimary loss Losses that occur as a result of this underlying primary loss areknownassecondarylosses
Primary lossesaremoreeasily identifiedwhile the secondaryonescanbemore subtle and perhaps underacknowledged with regard to their profoundemotional intensity For example a woman whose marriage ends in divorce(primaryloss)whothensufferstheexclusionofeventspreviouslyfoundonhersocial calendar (secondary loss) is dealingwith the exponential effects of thecombined losses Perhaps her ex-husband is still being invited to events orperhapshercoupled friendsareuncomfortablewithhernewsinglestatusThesecondarylossnamedhereisthelossofhersocialnetwork
It is important to acknowledge that while each primary loss occurs onlyonce secondary losses may continue to occur and are therefore experiencedfrequently In the previous example thewoman experienced the divorce onlyoncebutthelossofhersocialnetworkisfelteverytimesheisnotinvitedoutbyldquotheirrdquo friends In addition the burden of assuming roles and responsibilitiesformerlyhandledbyherexmdashsuchaspayingthemortgagebillcheckingtheairinthetiresormanagingthehouseholdinwaysshehasnothadtobeforemdashisaconstant painful reminder of all that has been lost since the divorce Thesecondary loss continually retriggers her grief due to the primary loss of thehusband
In another example losing all of onersquos family heirlooms in a house fire(primary loss) might evoke the experience of severing onersquos ancestral past(secondary loss)Secondary lossesarenrsquotalways recognizedasvalidcausesofgriefbuttheycanbringontremendoussorrowandrepeatedlyreignitethepainthatwasexperiencedfromtheprimaryloss
SymptomsofGrief
Although no two individuals grieve in the same way there is someconsistencyintheemotionalphysicalandmentalsymptomsassociatedwiththegrievingprocessSomeofthemostcommonlyacknowledgedfeelingsthatrelateto grief can be seen in the following table (adapted with permission fromLunche1999)
EMOTIONALSYMPTOMSOFGRIEF
Shocknumbness
Sadness
Emptiness
Feelinghelpless
Feelingoutofcontrol
Anger
Guiltregret
Resentment
Depression
Lonelinesslongingyearning
Fearanxietyinsecurity
Feelingsofbetrayaldisloyalty
Diminishedself-concern
Sorrowfortheonewhodied
Desiretojointhedeceased
Suicidalfeelings
Table1Emotionalsymptomsofgrief
Even though sadness is the feeling most commonly expressed while
grieving a wide range of emotions is often determined by the quality of therelationship we had with whatrsquos been lost as well as by the circumstancessurrounding the lossAs you can see from the Emotional Symptoms ofGrieftable the impact of our grief may present many complex combinations ofemotionsaffectingusdistinctly
OneexampleofthismightbewhenanabusivehusbanddiesmdashthewifecouldfeelmorerelievedthansadWhenafathercommitssuicidethechildrenheleftbehindmaybecopingwiththeirshameandangermorethanwithdepressionInmy personal and professional experience when a relationship that was morepositiveendsfeelingsofdepressionareverylikelytosurfaceWhereasthemoreconflictedarelationshipisthegreaterthelikelihoodisthatangerandguiltwillappear
Myfatherand I finallydevelopedapristine friendshipaftermanyyearsofnot getting along What soothed my heart most after he passed were thenurturing memories of our newly established friendship Because wepainstakingly attended to all our unfinished business I could grieve his losswithoutregretorambivalenceBeingatthatpointinourrelationshipatthetimeof his passing permittedme to connectwith themore profoundly painful andchallenging aspects of my grief process and be present to experience theemotionallyjoyousandpleasantmemoriesbubblingupinsideme
FourTasksofMourningARoadMapfortheGrievingProcess
GriefpresentsuswithtremendousdualityWegrievebothuniquelyaccordingtoourlifersquosvariablesanduniversallyasallhumansdoLeadersinthefieldhavenoted specific elements of grieving suggesting they need to be addressed inordertofulfillanormalprocessSomeofthemnametheseelementsasldquostagesrdquoothersasldquophasesrdquoofgriefBothtermssuggest tomesomethingmorestaleorpassiveinnatureOfall thinkersJWilliamWorden(2009)offers themodelIfind best suited to the yogic ideal of practice In his model he names theseelements ldquotasksrdquo a term that clearly denotes the dynamism the process reallyinvolvesItprovidesanactivewaytomovethroughgriefrsquoscommonemotionalstatesWordenrsquosFourTasksofMourningare
To accept the reality of the lossAccepting the reality of the loss toWorden implies recognizing that ldquoreunion with the departed isimpossible at least in this liferdquo (39) Worden describes a searchingbehavior that is common at this level of grieving whereby a grievingpersonmightldquoseerdquothedeceasedwalkinginacrowdandrecognizeheronly then to be confronted with the reminder of her death Variousdegreesofdenialcouldbeinvolvedinordertoavoidacceptingtherealityoftheloss
To process the pain of grief The second task involves consciouslyworking with the pain of grief Worden states ldquoIt is necessary toacknowledgeandworkthroughthispainoritcanmanifestitselfthroughphysicalsymptomsorsomeformofaberrantbehaviorrdquo(44)Thissecondtask of mourning is of special significance to yoga because of theconnectionwithconsciousworkanddedicatedpractice
To adjust to a world without the deceased Worden identifies threeareasofadjustmentthataretobereckonedwithafterthelossofalovedone External adjustments relate to how coping with loss affects oureveryday life (egwhatdowedowith theworkinghourswhenwersquovejust lost a job) Internal adjustments refer to how death affects self-definitionself-esteemandonersquossenseofself-efficacy(eghowcanaspouse feel like awhole self again after losing his partner) Spiritualadjustmentsimplydealingwiththechallengesofourbeliefsystemsandvaluesasdeathshakesthefoundationofonersquosassumptionsoftheworld(eg the faithful believer questioning the existence of a justGod afterfeelingthathisprayershavenotbeenheard)
To find an enduring connection with the deceased in the midst ofembarking on a new life Worden asserts that it is essential that themourner find newways to continue honoring the deceased while stillremaining focused on creating a new life Freud (1953) describes themental process of mourning as summoning mental images of the lostlovedonedetachingthepreviouslyinvestedloveandreestablishingthefreedomofthemindWordensuggeststhatwedonotentirelyrecycletheemotionalenergypreviouslyinvestedhecitescurrentresearchthatstatesthat maintaining an active awareness of the deceased person providescomfortandstrengthtothebereaved
Although each task is essential to the process of mourning the tasksthemselves are not linear After completing all four we may be prompted torevisitanyoreachofthem
Mostofoureffortsdealingwithgriefaregeared towardavoidingsufferingfromtheunusuallyimmensepainlossinflictsonusItisDrWordenrsquosopinionthat the fulfillment of all Four Tasks of Mourning is essential to promote ahealthy and normal grieving process Otherwise we may fall into what isconsideredacomplicatedgrievingprocess Insomecasesanindividualrsquosgriefreactionisprolongedbecominganalmostchronicconditionthatmayneverbefullyresolved
Examining examples of complicated grief we often see the actualmanifestation of symptoms showing up at amuch later time in response to amorerecentunexpectedlossThisexaggeratedreactioncanmanifestasorturnintoaspecificmentalconditionsuchasclinicaldepressionInothersthegriefappearsdisguisedbysymptomsandbehaviorsthatwhileseeminglyunrelatedtogriefareactuallyexamplesofldquomaskedrdquogrief(Worden2009)Itisimportanttodifferentiate thesemarkersofcomplicatedgrief fromthenaturalway inwhichgriefoccursdownthelinecomingbackunexpectedlyattimesinrelationtolifeeventsandother timesseemingly randomandpresentinguswith feelingsandsymptomsoftheoldgriefThisconceptiswellexpressedintheworkofThereseRando who coined the term STUG Sudden Temporary Upsurge of Grief(1993)
Grief triggers grief Fresh loss naturally triggers memories feelings andsymptoms related to a previous loss Sometimes we are truly shocked at thetremendous intensity of our feelings When others who are close to usexperience loss it can easily trigger our owngrief and cause us to revisit oldlossesevenifwefeelwehavedealtwiththemalreadyPerhapsthisisareasonwhypeoplerecoilfromhearingaboutanotherrsquosgrieforbecomeuncomfortablewhentheywitnesspeopleexhibittheirgriefopenlyCounselorstherapistsandhospiceworkerswhoworkwithgrief regularly see theirowngrief retriggeredandcansufferfromtheeffectsofldquocaregiverrsquosburdenrdquo
Regardless of howour grief originates the key element is that in order togrieve a loss we need to have developed a strong emotional connection withwhat has been lost or what it represents to us We need to have formed anattachment
AttachmentTheTrueRootofGrief
ldquoAttachmentrdquo is generally defined as a feeling that binds someone to aperson thing causeor idealThis is a remarkably similardescription towhatFreudstatedwhendescribingtheobjectofgriefduringmourning(Freud1953)Psychology views attachment as ldquoan evolved behavioral system designed toregulate infantsrsquo proximity to a protector and thereby maximize chances forsurvivalrdquo according to John Bowlby (Diamond 2001 277) Later on studiesconducted byMary Ainsworth concluded that there are three major styles ofattachmentsecureambivalent-insecureandavoidant-insecure(Broberg2000)
Researchers Main and Solomon (1986) added a fourth style known asdisorganized-insecureattachmentTheseearlyattachmentstylescanhelppredictbehaviors later in life especially adult romantic love For example when anindividual is able to gain comfort from his parents as a child (ldquosecureattachmentrdquo)hetendstohavegoodself-esteemasanadultOntheotherhandwhenachilddoesnotgainmuchcomfortorcontactfromhisparents(ldquoavoidantattachmentrdquo) he develops adult behaviors that invest little or no emotion insocialandromanticrelationships
In short our early attachments constitute our first awareness of thosewholove and care for us and influence how we love as adults No matter whatattachment style we develop we are all like these infantsmdashseeking survivalclingingtowhatisfamiliarLikeapacketoffoodcoloringreleasedintoapitcherof water we can see our attachments permeate the substance of our lifeAttachment is at the core of howwe form families and how our larger socialnetwork functions For us in theWest attachment is tantamount to love ldquoIf IloveyouIamattachedtoyoubeinghereforeverrdquoThisassociationissostrongthatactionsindicatingdetachmentareusuallyseenasasignofalackoflove
OurattachmentsinformuswhenwefeelathomewhenwearelonelyandwhenweareindangerEvenatachemicallevelthebondswemakewithhumanbeingsandotherobjectsaffectusWhenthesebondsbreakwecaninvestigatethepsychophysiologicaleffectsandnormalizethemanysomaticaspectsofgriefmanifesting asphysical symptomsNow letrsquosdiscoverwhat theperspectiveofpsychophysiologycanbringtoourunderstandingofgrief
GriefandtheBrainHow does the body express what the heart and mind are going throughCurrently there is not enoughmeasurable scientific data on grief and furtherresearch isstillneededMostof theexisting informationfocusesonvictimsoftraumaAlthoughalltraumainvolvesgriefitisimportanttorememberthatnot
all grief is traumatic Western psychology usually views the body as anafterthoughtproclaimingthatthegrievingprocesshappensmainlyinourmindsMore recent research in the areas of psychology immunology andendocrinologyrevealsdatathatshowshowemotionalprocesseslikegriefaffectmore than just our mental functioning Psychophysiology shows how life-changingeventsinfluencevirtuallyeveryareaofapersonrsquosphysicalandmentalconstitution from thought patterns to emotionalwell-being immune functionandoverallhealth(RosenbaumandVarvin2007Ulvestad2012VandenBerget al 2012) Western science is just now discovering and documentingconnectionsformulatedagesagofromthemeditativeobservationsofpracticingyogisTheevidenceofthemind-bodyconnectionsdiscoveredbythesescientistsistrulyfascinatinganditsimpactintheareaofgriefworkisonlybeginningtobefelt
Two of themain symptoms associatedwith grieving are pain in the chestmuscles and disruptions of the circadian rhythms particularly the sleep cyclePeople experience a variety of symptoms that usually change as the grievingprocess unfolds What should be eminently clear from the following table(adaptedwithpermissionfromLunche1999)isthatgriefaffectsthebody
PHYSICALSYMPTOMSOFGRIEF
Pain
Feelingoftightnessinthechest
Feelingoftightnessinthethroat
Alterations in the breathing patterns (shortness of breath frequentsighing)
Fatigueexhaustionlowenergy
Sleeppatterndisruption(insomniaorexcessivesleep)
Eatingpatterndisruption(overeatingoranorexia)
Alterationofthecardiacrhythms(bradycardiatachycardiaarrhythmia)
Digestivesystemupset
Generalizedtension
Restlessnessirritability
Increasedsensitivitytostimuli
Drymouth
Table2Physicalsymptomsofgrief
Grief is mainly orchestrated by the limbic system Itrsquos a central structure
withinthenervoussystemdeeplyinvolvedinthewayweexperienceemotionsThelimbicsysteminitiallygatherssensoryinformationaboutanexperienceandcomparesthatinformationwithpreviouslystoredknowledgehousingmemoriesof past similar experiences our belief systems and cultural values It thenassigns the experience an emotional tone and integrates a response Then theoutermost sheet of neuronal tissue in the brain the neocortex processes theexperiencefurtherandassignsmeaningtoitonadeeperlevel
Alterationsofthenormalfunctionsofthelimbicsystemresultin
irritability
moodiness
depression
negativethinking
negativeperspective
sleepandappetitedisorders
socialisolation
decreasedorincreasedsexualdriveand
motivation
Manyoftheitemsonthislistofmooddisturbancesandothersymptomsare
classicfeaturesofanormalgrievingprocesssolidifyingthecaseforthelimbicsystemrsquosinvolvementWhentakingalookatothermentalandsocialsymptomsofgrief thisconnectionwith thefunctionsof the limbicsystembecomesevenclearer
MentalSymptomsofGrief
Negativeanticipatorythinking
Disbelief
Confusion
Disorientation
Absentmindedness
Forgetfulness
Poorconcentration
Distraction
Difficultyfocusingandattending
Lowmotivation
Expectingtoseethedeceased
Expectingthedeceasedtocall
Preoccupationwiththedeceased
Feelingtheneedtotellandretellthestorysurroundingtheloss
Dreamsorimagesofthedeceased
Denial
Thinkingaboutotherdeathsandlosses
SocialSymptomsofGrief
Beingisolatedbyothers
Withdrawingfromsocialactivities
Diminisheddesireforsocialactivities
Copingwithlabelslikeldquowidowedrdquoldquosinglerdquoetc
Hidinggriefbytakingcareofothers
Losingfriendsmakingnewfriends
Table3Mentalandsocialsymptomsofgrief(adaptedwithpermissionfromLunche1999)
AccordingtoDrJamesGardnerldquoGriefbeginsinthebrainrdquoandaffectsthe
brainldquofromthehighestcorticalcentersandtemporal lobestothedeepermoreprimitive structures in the limbic systemrdquo For our neurotransmitters thebuilding blocks of the brain that are essential for intercellular communicationgrief ldquoaffects the way we process some of these chemicalsrdquo including theneuropeptides(20026)
On a biochemical level we react as though our entire existence is beingthreatenedAccordingtoGardnerldquoAstheserotoninsystemisweakenedbytheemotionalstressoflosstheanxietyresponseistriggeredrdquo(20026)Hegoesontosaythatthebodyrsquosfight-or-flightreactionincludesthereleaseofadrenalineThereleaseofhormonesincreasesheartrateandbloodpressurestressfulsignalsactivate the endocrine glands and affect the heart stomach various musclegroupsand thebloodvessels themselvesOthersymptoms include thecoolingof the extremities pupil dilation tremors sweating and nausea due tohyperventilationTakingitscuesfromthebrainthebodyreactstothefullforceofthelossasamenacingdangeradirectthreattooursurvival
NeuroplasticityandItsImplicationsforGrief
Even though grief is seemingly an omnipresent challenge influencing ourbrain chemistry we might consider the following news to be positive
Neuroplasticityreferstothebrainrsquosabilitytochangeitsstructureandfunctioninresponse to experience training and practice In the twentieth century ourbrainswere thought todevelopwithinacriticalperiodduringearlychildhoodand to then remain relatively immutable This thinking meant that once wepassedthecriticalperiodofdevelopmentwewerebasicallystuckinthosewaysforeverhardwiredfixedinformandfunctionThisbeliefloweredexpectationsaboutthevalueofrehabilitationforthosewhohadsufferedbraininjuryfromastrokeforexample
Becausepsychiatricconditionsare related tospecificneuronalpathways inthebrainthisalsomeantthatoncedevelopedamentalillnesswouldbealmostimpossibletotreatsuccessfully(Begley2007)SharonBegleyajournalistwhoreportsoncurrenttrendsonhealthandsciencewroteinTimemagazineldquoTherewasgood reason for lavishly illustratedbrainbooks to show the function sizeand location of the brainrsquos structures in permanent inkrdquo This prevailing viewalso reinforced limited mental perceptions It was simply a brain-determinedrealitythatafterlosingonersquoshouseonemightneverfeeltrulyathomeagainorafterlosingaspouseonecouldneverfindloveagain
These beliefs have been challenged by findings that reveal that manyfunctions of the brain remain plastic even into adulthood Substantial changeshave been documented showing that an individual can consciously andprofoundly alter the way his or her neurons are activated in response toexperience These alterations affect both the brainrsquos physical anatomy andfunctionalorganizationsignifyingthatthebraincananddoeschange
ldquoNeuronsThatFireTogetherWireTogetherrdquo
This is a common saying in the field of neuroscience New connectionsbetweennervouscellsareformedasweengageindifferentactivitiesThesenewneuronalpathwaysarestrengthenedwhenwerepeatthoseactivitieswiringthenervouscellstogetherThemorewerepeattheseactivitiesthemorepermanenttheconnectionsbecome
Even though these findings relate to how the brain compensates for injuryanddiseasethismechanismappliestobrainactivityingeneralNeuroplasticitymakespersonalgrowthanddevelopmentpossiblebyallowingthenervecellsinthebrain toadjust theiractivities in response tonewsituationsandchanges intheir environment Although this process is automatic and happensindependentlyoutsidetherealmofconsciousintentionwecaninfactenhance
thesought-afterresultsbyincreasingconsciouspracticeThemorepracticethemoreingrainedorimprintedthenewconnectionsbecome
ResearchconductedonmusiciansbyneuroscientistAlvaroPascual-LeoneaprofessorofneurologyatHarvardUniversityindicatesthatwhiletheprocessistriggered by actual practicemere thought can also alter the physical structureandfunctionofourgraymatter(2001)Hefoundthattheincreasedbrainsurfaceactivated in subjects after practicing an instrument was equal to those wholdquothoughtrdquo of the scales to be practiced This revelation is important whenunderstandinggriefbecauseitvalidatestheuseoftechniquessuchasSankalpaor Resolve which uses repetition of statements that reflect a desired state ofbeingtoinducethebraintoremapitselftowardsuchareality
TheBrainrsquosInsatiableQuestforHappiness
A special area of interest for those performing current research inneurosciencehasbeenstudyingthebrainsofBuddhistmonksduringmeditationtoobservewhetherthereisanymeasurablechangeinbrainactivitywiththeuseof contemplativepractices Inorder tounderstandhowourbrains conduct ourinsatiablequestforhappinesssomethingthemonksarebelievedtoexperiencethanks to meditation Richard Davidson a neuroscientist at the University ofWisconsinatMadisonconductedstudiestofindoutifwecanthinkofemotionsmoods and states suchascompassionasmental skills that could somehowbeingrainedinapersonthroughtrainingWhencomparingtheactivityinthebrainsofthegroupofmonksversusthoseofacontrolgroupwhodidnotmeditatethemoststrikingdifferencewasinanareaintheleftprefrontalcortexbelievedtobethesiteofactivitythatsignalshappiness(Davidson2012)Whilethemonkswere generating feelings of compassion activity in the left prefrontal cortexswamped activity in the right prefrontal cortex to a degree never before seenfrom purely mental activity (The right prefrontal cortex is associated withnegative moods) On the other hand the individuals belonging to the controlgroup showed no such differences between the left prefrontal cortex and therightAccordingtoDavidson thissuggests that thepositivestateisaskill thatcanbelearned
PracticeReshapesYourBrain
Thenewunderstandingofneuroplasticityrelatedtothepowerofthemindrsquosability to change our brains promises something fundamental for theunderstanding of grief By employing intentional and conscious physical andmental practice we can change our relationship to ourselves during ouremotionallyfluctuatinggrievingprocessEachactionweperformeachthoughtwe think each word we speak then becomes an arrow shot into the field ofmanifestationanopportunityforanewconnectioninthebraintomodifytheoldandemphasizetheestablishmentofanewidentity
While the focus of this book is not brain biology or neurochemistry it isimportant tounderstand justhowstronga forcegrief isRegardingourmentaland emotional landscape we now comprehend that our emotional life isinformedbythethoughtswethinkbyhowthebrainitselfreactstoexperiencesinstructingourbodies tobehaveYounow seehowmanyof the symptomsofgrief directly relate to how our brains reactwhen facing loss Recall how theattachmentstopeoplefromtheearlieststagesofourlifeformulateourpsychicbasis for the adult emotions of love and compassion Loss is a real materialexperience affecting us at every layer of our existence The following table(adapted with permission from Lunche 1999) indicates profound changes inbehaviorswhenwearegrievingAswedeepenourunderstandingofhowourbrains serve as the basis for many of these symptoms we can normalizeprofoundchangesthatarepowerfullyalteringrealityasweknewit
BehavioralSymptomsofGrief
Crying(sometimesunexpectedly)
Searchingforthedeceased
Carryingspecialobjects
Goingtothegravesite
Makingandkeepinganaltar
Keepingbelongingsintact
Lookingatphotosorvideosofthedeceased
Listeningtoaudiorecordingsofthedeceased
Talkingtothedeceased
Avoidingsituationsthatarousegrief
Changesindailyroutine
ldquoStayingbusyrdquo
Assumingmannerismsofthedeceased
Table4Behavioralsymptomsofgrief
By getting a sense of how intensely all systems are involved in the
bereavement process it becomes more evident that engaging certain yogaexercisesintendedtounitemindandbodyareeffectiveinbringingbackasenseof cohesion and personal control in times of grief Through breath workphysical movements and specific techniques designed to for example helpresetthefunctioningoftheendocrinesystemwecantakethisinformationaboutgriefandputittogooduseWecanapplytoolstointegrateconsciousresponsesthat help our brains reshape themselves in an active and insightfulwayYogahelpsustobemorepresentforourfeelingsofgriefanditisperhapsthemostcompletebodyofpracticalknowledgeyoucanseekout
Wewill now look at what this ancient discipline expresses as to whywegrieveandhowgriefrelatestoitsprecursorattachment
Chapter2
YogaandGrief
Yogarsquos quest to resolve human suffering is probably as old as the disciplineitself Since yogarsquos entrance into mainstream Western culture it has beentailored to meet the needs of a variety of practitioners Western styles andmodulations of yoga have complemented the ancient original schools orbranchesOne of the results of this diversification has been the emergence ofyoga therapy This system is perfectly designed for the application of yogarsquosteachings philosophy and unique methods for addressing and transformingpersonal imbalances manifesting as diseases or disorders Even though otherdisciplinessuchasyogachikitsaandAyurvedadealwiththetherapeuticprocessyoga therapy isactuallymorehelpful inaddressing thegrievingprocess in thebodymindandspirit
I have come to understand grief as one of the most prevailing andunacknowledged feelings in the human heart through my personal andprofessional experiences As a yogi I recognize the need for a more Spirit-centeredapproachtodealingwithgriefWitnessingtheeffectsonmystudentsalongwithmypersonalexperienceofpracticingyogaformanyyearshasgivenmeadeepunderstandingofyogarsquoseffectivenessintreatinggrief
Initially yoga helps us to manage some of the physical and emotionalsymptomsofgriefAsonersquospracticedeepensyogaoffersprofoundinsightsintothe difference between the suffering intrinsic to grief and that of attachmentwhich I call the precondition for grief Letrsquos examine some philosophicalunderpinningsofyogaandhowtheycandemystifyourrelationshiptogrief
TheFiveSpokesontheWheelofSufferingThefirstextantwrittenworkonyogathatpresentsacomprehensivephilosophyonthenatureofsufferingandhowtoalleviateitisTheYogaSutrasofPatanjali(Bryant2009)InthistextattachmentmdashthepreconditionforgriefmdashisnamedasoneofthefiverootcausesofsufferingthatinevitablyleadtopainandconfusionTogethertheyare
ignoranceofthetruth
egoism
attachment
aversionand
fearofdeath
IgnoranceofthetruthreferstoignoringtheessentialrulesthattheuniverseabidesbyAnexampleof this is to expect a flower tobeborn fullybloomedthen develop backward decreasing in size until it becomes a seed Thismisapprehension can be seen as a metaphor of life in general all livingorganismshaveadefinitebeginningandaperiodofdevelopmentandthenmeettheir end Therefore anyone contesting the flowerrsquos organic nature promotespersonalsuffering
Egoismreferstofalseidentificationwiththemindandbodyexclusivelyandignoring the Spirit The nature of both body andmind is one of craving Thebody craves heat food touch and rest the mind craves acknowledgmentidentificationandseekschangeOnceanyofourneedsbecomesatisfied thenimmediatelythenextonekicksinTheSpiritconverselyneedsnothingbecauseitcontainseverythingandisthesourceofeverythingByincludingourSpiritinour identificationwegaincontactwithanaspectofourselves that issatisfiedtrulyandcompletely(Satyananda1976)
Attachment refers to our dependency on the permanence of a personrsquospresence or an objectrsquos continued availability to produce and sustain ourhappinessAttachmentcomesfromthepositiveexperienceswehaveinlifeandthememoriesweforminassociationwiththemSinceallthingsarebytheirtruenatureabsolutely impermanentoursuffering isensuredwhen thingsdisappearordieOf the fivecausesof suffering attachmenthas aparticularly importantroleingriefandisthereforediscussedfurtherinthefollowingsection
Aversion is the opposite of attachment and is derived from negativeexperiencesinlifeItrefers tothingswedonrsquot likepromptingustoturnawayfrom them Because the likelihood of all things happening is evenly spreadacross the spectrumof reality thingswedonrsquot likewill inevitablyoccurmdashandwesufferyetagain
Fearof death refers to a feeling human beings experience as part of theiremotional makeup Because death is inevitable fearing it is a sure ticket tosufferingRegardlessofhoworwhenweinstinctivelyknowwhatwefearwill
arriveatsomepointThesefivecausesofsufferingbecomelikeawheelinahamstercageLike
naivehamsterswehurlthewheelintoperpetualmotionrunningtowardnoendIfwechoosetoignoretheessentialtruthwebecomeidentifiedwithourbodiesandmindsonlyThisleadsustogenerateattachmentsandaversionstheultimatebeingaversion toourowndeath ignoring the truth thatwe toowill inevitablydie
In Four Chapters on Freedom Swami Satyanandarsquos commentary on TheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliwearetoldthatourldquodesireforliferdquoisldquosustainedbyitsownforcerdquo(1976154)Itisbecauseofanattachmenttoourphysicalbodytheswami says that we cling to life and fear natural processes like disease anddeath Since grief appears as a result of losing those things or personswe areattachedtoTheYogaSutrascanexplaintheintimaterelationshipbetweengriefand suffering I am not suggesting that if we could somehow eliminateattachment our liveswould be problem-free and all sufferingwould end ThefourothercausesareequallypotentandimportantCouldsimplyenvisioningtheeliminationofsufferingbringsomeeasetoourmindsByjustbeingconsciousof the five causes of sufferingwe combat the initial barrier of ignorance thatpreventsusfromknowingourtrueselves
AttachmentItsSpecialRoleforGrievers
ThenegativeimplicationsofattachmentarequitedifficultforushumanstocomprehendWhyisdealingwithattachmentsodifficultWeformattachmentsto perpetuate the comfort and safety we are accustomed to receive from thethings andpersonswe attach toYetwe can never know just how long thosethingsorpersonswillremainFormingattachmentsseemstobeinherentinthehumancondition
Yoga addresses this uncertainty and invokes the universal truth that ldquoAllthings come to an endrdquo This calms the mindrsquos craving for knowledge andprovidesananswertotheyearningquestionmanygrieversaskthemselvesafteralossWhy
When we form attachments we are relying on the permanence of thingsWhenthosethingsvanishtheresultforusisapredictableonewesufferIntheepic Indian tale of the Bhagavad Gita prince Arjuna turns to his charioteerKrishnaforcounselonthebattlefieldWhileseeminglyjustadvisingthewarrioronmilitarystrategyLordKrishnaactuallyimpartsdeepspiritualwisdomtothe
unknowingseekerHeidentifiesattachmentasthebeginningofachainreactionofturbulentemotions
ldquoWhilecontemplatingtheobjectsofthesensesapersondevelops
attachmentforthemandfromsuchattachmentlustdevelopsandfromangerlustarisesrdquo
mdashVerse62(1972122)
ldquoFromangercompletedelusionarisesandfromdelusionbewildermentofmemoryWhenmemoryisbewilderedintelligenceislostandwhenintelligence
islostonefallsdownagainintothematerialpoolrdquo
mdashVerse63(1972123)
This explanation of how attachment manifests in human beings is anillumination from a realized master such as Krishna to the aspiring yogi(Bhaktivedanta 1972) This sage wisdom applies to every one of us who islearningandaspiringhereonEarthFormotherswhoseheightenedattachmentwith their infants is directly connected to the continued survival of theiroffspringenvisioningalifeofnonattachmentseemsnearlyimpossibleFormostofhumanitythatisalsotrueYetyogaoffersuspureknowledgethatappliestolifewithintheframeworkofwhatisfeasibleforeachoneofusYogadoesnotjustrelyonphilosophyhowevertoexplainwhywegrieveitpinpointsgriefinanahatachakraaspecificplaceinthebody
ExploringtheChakrasandHowTheyRelatetoGrief
TheSanskritwordchakra translates toldquowheelrdquo inEnglishThisevokesanimage of swirling energy the stirring of emotional and psychic contents Thesevenchakrasconfigureapathwaymovingfromprimalemotionsandsensations(fearangerdisgust)toloveandcompassionandspiritualconnection
According to yoga philosophy human beings are in a state of continuousevolutionThisevolutionissymbolizedbythespiralingmovementofkundalinian invisible energy that when awakened flows upward from the base of the
spine to the topof thehead (Satyananda1985)During its course this energymakes contact with several psychic centers (chakras) each of which signifiesdifferentstagesinourjourneytowardcompleteselfhoodJohnSelbystatesthateachchakracorrespondstoamajorendocrineglandamainautonomicnerveorgroupofnervesandthefunctionstheyregulatewithinthebodyandaspecificmanifestationoraspectofhumanconsciousness(1992)
The chakra system is a brilliant map for understanding the connectionbetweenmindbodyandspirit Itoffersadiagnostic toolaswell asa fieldofoperation for understanding and managing some of the difficult emotionsinvolved in griefGetting in touchwith these emotions unveils aspects of thepotential life lessons hidden in the symptoms we are experiencingWe beginmakingconnectionsbetweenthesensationswefeel inourbodiesandhowourthinkingisaffectedbysuchsensationsWitnessinghowthethreeessentialpartsofourselvesmdashthementalthephysicalandthespiritualmdashinteractweareabletoseethateachthoughtandemotionhasacorrelatewithinourphysicalbodyThisrecognitionfacilitatesourjourneyofintegrationandevolutionofconsciousness
ROOTCHAKRATHESURVIVOR
Thefirstchakra(mooladhara)islocatedatthepelvicfloorandcorrespondswiththecoccygealplexusofnervesInmenitliesintheperineumbetweentheurinary and excretory openings In women it is situated inside the posteriorsurfaceofthecervix
This chakra relates to our feelings and perceptions and the bodily
mechanisms associatedwith our survival and explains the fear some grievershavewithregardtotheirabilitytocontinuesimplygoingonlivingafteralossIn fact even when we are actually safe and secure there can be underlyingthoughtsandemotionsthatturnonthefight-or-flightresponsewhichproducesan increased heart rate and sweaty palms Because this is a basic ldquosurvivalmoderdquo reaction typicalofhumanbeings it canbe interpretedasa first chakraemanation symbolizing our primary instinct for survival our clinging toexistencewhilefearingnaturalprocesseslikedeath
We recognize how attachment to pleasure-giving sensory objects andaversiontowardexternalsourcesofdispleasurebecomehardwiredWhenfacedwith grief we can understand how oftentimes the griever wishes to join thedeceasedasifhisorherverysurvivalwerelinkedtothecontinuityofthebondBecausegriefcanseduceustomistakenlyidentifythelossofalovedoneasathreattoourexistencetheresultcanbeanaturalinclinationtomergewiththedeceased
Becauseofitsconnectionwiththematerialworldwealsoseeinthischakrathe difficulty grievers typically experience in performing the usual tasks thatensurephysicallifeThefatiguethatmanypeoplefeelduringgriefisalsotypicalofanimbalancein thiscenterThischakra isapotentsourceofallourearthlydesiresandthefeargreedandpossessivenesswemightfeelwhengrievingareassociated with it An example could be wishing to hold on to a deceasedrsquostreasuredobjectsorpossessions
Additionallybecause the firstchakra isassociatedwith thesenseofsmellthe common occurrence of grievers being reminded suddenly of the deceasedbased on encountering a smell associated with that person can be seen asemanatingfromthischakra
SACRALCHAKRATHEBIRTHPLACEOFDESIRE
Thesecondchakra(swadhisthana)isfoundatthebaseofthespineItrelatestothesacralplexusofnervesandsymbolizestheunconsciousItisalsorelatedto our overall emotional awareness and ability to experience our feelingsStronglyconnectedtothesexualorgansandtheirproductsdesiresandcravingstakeondefiniteformanddirectioninthischakraThischakraisalsoassociatedwithmovementespeciallyemotionaltypesofmovementIntermsofgrieftheinvolvementofthischakracanmanifestasalackofsexualdesireorconverselyastrengtheningofsexualappetiteThedifficultysomeexperience inaccessingintimacy or being social with others is a typical characteristic of a disturbed
secondchakraTheassociatedsensewiththischakraistasteSometimesthereisa certain taste some grievers notice along with other more typical symptomssuchasdrymouthanddisruptionsofnormaleatinghabits
NAVALCHAKRAWILLPOWERMADEMANIFEST
Thethirdchakra(manipura)sitsalongthespinalcolumndirectlybehindthenavelItcorrespondstothesolarplexusandphysiologicallyrelatestodigestionassimilationand temperature regulation in thebodyThischakrarepresentsanimportant step in the evolution of consciousness because it connects ourwillpowerwithourdesirespromotingmanifestationonthephysicalplaneThedifficulty inmaking decisions felt bymany grievers is an involvement of thethirdchakraWebecomeconfusedas towhat courseof action isbestbecauseourwillpowerissoprofoundlycompromisedWesometimesresorttotakingnoactionatall lacking themotivationneeded toconfront thefearof thechangeswearefacing
Some individuals throw themselves into work Others place a heightenedemphasis on an exuberant social life after loss to keep away from the painfullack of familiarity with the new unchartered reality The literal translation ofmanipura isldquocityof jewelsrdquoandit refers to thepreciousgemsofactionlyingdormant in this centerwaiting tobeunearthedby thepowerofour consciousintention The associated sense for this chakra is sight and I believe it canexplaincommonexperiencessomebereavedhaveofnotseeingthingsthatareinplainsightmdashforexamplesearchingfranticallyforhousekeysonlytofindthemintheappropriateplace justafewminutes laterornotseeingtheexitsignonthefreewayeventhoughitisthesameexitagrieverhastakenforthepastfiveyearswhen returninghomeEvenldquoseeingrdquo thedeceasedwithin themidst of acrowdonabusystreetcouldberelatedtothethirdchakra
HEARTCHAKRATHEREFUGEOFLOVE
Thefourthchakra(anahata)liesinthevertebralcolumnbehindthebaseoftheheart at the levelof thedepression in the sternum It relates to thecardiacplexusofnerveswhichinfluencesthefunctioningoftheheartandlungsThesearetwokeyareasthatareoftenaffectedbygriefmanifestingasdisruptionsofbothcardiacandbreathingrhythmsTheheartchakracorrespondstothethymusglandwhich relates to immunefunctionDuringbereavement it iscommon toexperienceanexacerbationofpreexistinghealthconditionsoranincreasedriskforsicknessduetoimmunesystemdepressionThischakraisthequintessentialblendingofmatterandSpirittheevolutionaryoasisonourpathtowardspiritual
fulfillmentItiswhereemotionalbondingandattachmentaredevelopedAstheseatofhumanloveitalsorelatestothepowerofloveasahealingforce
ThesenseassociatedwithanahataistouchIngriefthissenseisimportantbecause through touchwe fully experience theabsenceof thatwhichwehavelost Just think of the needmany individuals feel for touch after spousal lossImaginehowliberatingahugcanfeeltofacilitatethepowerfulreleaseofpent-upemotion
THROATCHAKRATHEPOWEROFSOUND
Thefifthchakra(vishuddhi)liesatthelevelofthethroatpitinthevertebralcolumnThischakracorrespondstothecervicalplexusofnervesandrelatestothethyroidglandandalsocertainsystemsofarticulationtheupperpalateandtheepiglottisThe thyroidrsquos involvement iskey ingrief thedisturbanceof theproductionof adrenaline canbe the sourceof feelingsofdepletion aswell asweight gain or loss that cannot be directly attributable to changes in eatinghabitsThiscentercanalsobethesourceforsomeofthehormonalimbalancesandmoodswingsexperiencedwhengrieving
Vishuddhi chakra is known as the purification centerwhere the powers ofcommunicationlieItdealssymbolicallywithsoundandvibrationOftenthosegrieving have difficulty talking about their grief or articulating their feelingsaboutalossTheoverwhelmingneedforsomegrievingindividualstohavetheirstories heard is another indication of this chakrarsquos involvement Because theassociatedsensewiththischakraishearingwecanunderstandtheimportanceofvoicingpainfulaswellasjoyfulmemoriesinthemidstoflossFifth-chakradisturbancescanalsoresultinsorethroatsandpainintheneckandshouldersmdashareasverycommonlyaffectedbygriefThesensationoffeelingchokedcanbeassociatedwiththischakraaswell
THIRD-EYECHAKRAWISDOMFOUNDWITHIN
The sixth chakra (ajna) lies in themidline of the brain directly above thespinal columnandcorrespondswith thepinealglandThischakracontrols themuscles and theonset of sexual activity inhumans It has control over all thefunctionsofthebodyItisthechakraofpuremindrepresentingahigherlevelofawarenessItisusuallycalledtheldquothirdeyerdquoanditissaidthatwhereasthetwophysicaleyes lookoutward the thirdeye looks inward In thatsense it revealsthe intuitive knowledge independent from the information supplied by thesenses
Ajnaisthewitnessingcenterwhereonebecomesthedetachedobserverofallevents including those within the body and the mind Sleep disorders are atypicalinvolvementofthischakrabecauseofitsrelationshiptothepinealglandand its main biochemical product melatonin Because of its connection withinner vision we might experience broader issues related to our perceptionfinding difficulty in seeing the road ahead Other common symptoms includecoordinationproblemssuchasaccidentallybumpingintothefurniture
On a positive note this chakra serves as a reminder that it is by lookingwithin that we find the source of all the feelings and thoughts that come upduringtheupheavalcreatedbylossBywitnessingtheendlessfluctuationsandchangeswithinourownmindswecanapproachstillnessInessencewhileourmindsstruggletounderstandourlossesourSpiritsknowandarereadytoacceptthem as a part of the normal cycle of life and existence The source of theknowledge thatwecanapply toprocessgriefcomesfromourconnectionwiththe intuitivewisdom the Spirit has rather than the acquired knowledge of thedualisticmindItisbecauseofthisdualisticaspectofthemindwhichisunableto recognize the night if it does not know the day that we cling to thepermanence of things attempting to ensure the continuance of the treasuredconnectionsThemindstrugglestounderstandthateventhoughalovedonemaybeabsentheorsheisstillpresentandinterwoveninthefabricofouridentity
CROWNCHAKRAWITNESSTOAGREATERREALITY
The seventh chakra (sahasrara) is the culmination of the kundalinirsquosenergeticpathwayseenastheseatofhigherawarenessItissituatedatthetopof the head and is physically correlated to the pituitary gland called theldquocommandcenterrdquowhichregulatestheentireendocrinesystemOnasymboliclevel it is in thischakrawhere thedualmindis transcendedandweenter intoperfectconsciousharmonywiththeonenessoftheuniverseWhenthischakraisout of balance during bereavement it results in depression alienation andconfusionThischakraalsorelatestothechallengesthatgriefimposesononersquosownspiritualbeliefs
BodyArmorADifferentTakeontheChakras
Thechakrasystemidentifiesspecificlocationsinthebodyandrelatesthemwith different types of emotions Wilhelm Reich the famous Austrianpsychoanalystcameupwithasimilarnotionwhenhedescribedhisconceptof
ldquobodyarmorrdquoheanalyzedhowmentalconflictsareexpressedinthebodyoftenthroughmuscularornervoustensionandhowthismechanismcouldbeintendedto protect the consciousness from accessing psychic content associated withtheseareas(1949)
EssentiallyReichrsquosviewis thatweshieldourselveswith thestiffarmorofmuscular tensionandassociatedbody language toavoidexperiencingnegativefeelingsThefieldsofpsychosomaticmedicineandsomaticpsychotherapyhavefurtherdeepenedthestudyof thesemechanismsandfoundrevealingcorrelatesbetweendiseaseprocessesandwhatanindividualisgoingthroughinhisorheremotional and psychic life For example when an individual is dealing withboundaryissuesheorshemightdevelopaskinconditionWhensomeonefindsit intolerable toexamineonersquos realityeyeproblemsmightdevelopOfcoursenothing is quite as simple as the examplesgivenyet the relationshipbetweenourmindsandourbodiesisundeniable
Whenconsideringthewidevarietyofsymptomsfoundingrief itbecomesevidentthatgriefaffectsthewholebeingUnderstandingthesignificanceofthechakrasinourphysicalbodiesandhowtheyrelatetoouroverallexperienceiskeyinourthinkingaboutgriefwhenpracticingBylearningthedifferentrolesthat the chakras play in our bodies and how they affect us emotionally theeffects of our yoga practice are deepened Exploring our knowledge of thechakrasystemleadstoanefficientandhelpfulwaytounderstandthemind-bodyconnectionanditsrelationshiptothevaryingsymptomsofgrief
TheHeartChakraAStartingPointforGrief
Although all chakras are involved during the grieving process the heartchakraistheprimaryonewhentalkingaboutgriefBecauseemotionalbondingdevelopsthereanahata isanessentialchakratoaddresswhenbuildingayogapracticeforaddressingthesymptomsandconsideringthenatureofthegrievingprocess It is thebridgebetween the lowerchakrasand thehigherones In thewords of John Selby ldquo[B]elow the heart chakra lies the world of matter ofsurvivalandprocreationofmanipulationandmasteryoverthephysicalrealmsof life Above lies the world of Spirit of pure thought and intuition ofinterpersonalcommunicationandultimatelyuniversalunityandtranscendenceTheheartchakrainitsmostbasicsenseisthemarriageofmatterandspiritofconcrete and abstract of knowledge andwisdomof earth andheavenrdquo (1992147) It represents a specifically human kind of evolution the growth of
humanityoutofdepthsoflowerordersandemotionsAs theseatof love thischakra iswhereour truechallenge lieswhen loss
occurswemustgothroughthedifficulttransitionfromldquolovinginpresencerdquotoldquolovinginabsencerdquoWecanskillfullyaskourselvesaboutthelosswearefacingIsourgriefaconsequenceofpureloveorpureattachmentItmaybeinterestingto notice the overlapping of these closely related emotions but according toyogathereisindeedadifferenceAsitissaidinyogaldquoLoveiswhatrsquosleftafteryoursquove let go of everything you loverdquo In this sense attachment can be seenpracticallyastheoppositeofloveaconceptthatmanifestsinsuchphrasesasldquoIfyoulovesomethingletitgordquo
YogarsquosquestforunconditionallovealsopertainstotheideathatlovingwiththeconditionofpresenceisnotrealloveldquoIloveyouaslongasyouarearoundrdquoisaratherlimitingconceptonethatdoesnothonortheexpansivenessofloveItis yet another example of the dualistic mind that validates reality based onphysicalpresenceWhatwecannotseewhatwecannottouchwetendtotreatas nonexistent To accept that love continues despite the absence of ourattachmentwemust transcenddualistic thinkingandembrace the inevitabilityofchange
Practicing yoga helps us to better understand this duality of love andattachment By developing a deeper awareness of and working on our heartchakraandthephysicalsensationsandfunctionsassociatedwithitanindividualcan experience enlightening expansion resulting in profound healingWe gainthe ability to synthesize our physical mental and spiritual awareness into apractice that acknowledges both the relocation of the deceased and onersquos owncontinuedpresenceon thisplaneofexistenceWhatbetterwaytohonora lostlovedone
GriefrsquosChallengetoSpiritualityldquoNot yet settled in a permanent home the soul takes temporary shelter in abodyrdquo says Kural 340 (Subramuniyaswami 1999 136) Ultimately thedifferencebetween traditionalpsychotherapyrsquos treatmentof thegrieverand theyogicviewisthespecialattentionyogagivestotheSpiritThesolutionforallcausesofsufferingofferedinTheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliistoreducethemtotheir source and deal with the resistance of the mind through meditation(Satyananda1976)Someofthespiritualsymptomsassociatedwithgriefcanbeseeninthefollowingtable
SPIRITUALSYMPTOMSOFGRIEF
FeelingangryatGod
AskingquestionsaboutGodlikeWhywouldGodallowthis
Asking questions about death and the deceased such asWhere is shenow Is he okay Can she see meWill I see him againWhat willhappenwhenIdie
Sensingthedeceasedrsquospresence
Hearingsmellingorseeingthedeceased
Havingdeathaffirmorchallengebeliefs
Experiencingawewondermystery
Reflectingonpersonalfinitude
Feelingtheneedtocontinuearelationshipwiththedeceased
Table5Spiritualsymptomsofgrief
ForsomegrieverslosscausesasplitfromspiritualityDoubtssurfaceabout
how life can continue in any meaningful way after someone dies Godrsquosgoodness is questionedwhen a child is killed People often feel anger towardGodwhenthelosstheyaregoingthroughseemssenselessorunfairForothersa similar loss can actually be a creative spark to onersquos individual spiritualjourney igniting a flame that yearns to connect with their untapped SpiritInquirymightresultinfindingnewanswersorindiscardingtheoldones
Especially in the case of death the losseswewitness force us to face ourownmortalityWeanalyzeandquestion thenatureof therelationshipwehavewith our own Spirit Impermanence as we know it forces us to question ourbeliefstoinquireaboutthemeaningoflifeandtowonderabouttheunknownYogadrawsinspirationfromthistypeofself-inquiryIfinfactasyogateachesuswe have everythingwe need for a good life then goingwithin seems therightdirectiontotakeSearchingfortheSpiritwithinthenbecomesarefugeavalidplaceforunderstandingandcreatingmeaningoutofloss
LoveBeyondAttachmentGrief and suffering are intrinsically intertwinedTherefore yoga as a spiritualdisciplineisanaturalfitasausefulsystemtoaddressgriefGriefrsquosrelationshiptoattachmentdepicts thenormalreaction tooneof thefiveessentialcausesofsufferingasstatedbythesagePatanjaliestablishinghowloveisdifferentfromalmostopposite to attachmentPlacedemotionallyandphysically inourheartchakra love is the positive expression of the chakra and attachment is thenegativeone
IntheWesternviewattachmentequalsloveandisalmostapreconditionforsurvivalBased on this leaders in the field of griefwork find that one of thegoalsofgriefcounselingand therapy is todevelopnewhealthierattachmentsAccordingtotheteachingsofyogathiscourseofactionleadstomoresufferingand actually undermines the transformative potential of our own grievingprocessByaccepting theultimate truths that theuniverse isbasedonandbyrelyingontheimpermanenceofourobjectsofattachmentwecandeveloptrueand enduring love that transcends the limitations of the physical placing lovebeyondattachmentOnly thendoweget in touchwithour trueessencemdashonlythenratherthanendingourjourneybeginshellip
ldquoThesoulrsquosattachmenttothebodyislikethatofafledglingwhichforsakes
itsemptyshellandfliesawayrdquo
mdashKural338(Subramuniyaswami1999136)
Any valid practical model destined to help those who are grieving mustinclude the spiritual challenges that grief presents It must also deal with thewaysinwhichthebodyexpressesgriefandthemindacknowledgestheresultingsuffering
The following chapter demonstrates my contribution to assist grievingindividualswith the complexities that grief entailsOutof necessitywebeginthe journeyofpracticebymeetinganydifficultieswith the forcesofwillTheresults of the practice itself and the wisdom one receives from thistransformativeendeavorwillbothamazeandinspireyou
Chapter3
HowtheYogaforGriefReliefPracticeWorks
Regardless of which worldviewmdashWestern or Easternmdashsuits you best it isimportant to remember that you must meet yourself where you are In thischapter I offer insights related to the purposeof each categoryof exercises inrelation to grief so that you can better understand how to address your needsBeforethatbeginsletrsquostakealookatanimportantprinciplethatappliestoyogaingeneralThetoolisneverasimportantastheonewhoiswieldingit
A piece of information an exercise or a technique is only useful if theoperatoriscautiousrespectfulcapableandconsciousWhetheryoupreferthepsychology-based approach of the Western model or the more spiritualunderstandingofEasternphilosophywhatrsquosmost important is toidentifywhatyouwanttodowithyourgriefbypracticingyogaThetoolsthatyouareabouttoreceivewillhelpaidyouinyourpursuit
Hereisametaphorthatmayhelpyoutounderstandthepowerofawarenesslocatedwithin yourself as you begin the practiceThe blacksmith can alwaysforge himself a new hammer but the hammer cannot make itself a newblacksmith In other words you will see that the process of reidentificationsproutsfromthesorrowfulseedsthatlieamidyourowngrief
As you start tomove through the pain of loss ask yourself how youwillapproachandengage in theyogapracticeWhatwouldyou like toaccomplishwith it As you incorporate various techniques to help cope with differentsymptoms encountered in your grief you will notice changes in your bodymind and emotionsYour experience each timeyoupracticemaybeuniquelydistinctchangingdependingonthedayyourmoodyourphysicalstateoryourlife circumstances Sometimes doing the same yoga technique in themorninginstead of in the evening might reveal distinct information and produce verydifferenteffectsonthepractitionerAsyoureadthischapterkeepinmindthattheintentionofthepracticeistocontactthatpartofyourselfthatknowsnolossSome call it the observer the higher self or the true witness of all yourexperiences
HowThisPracticeWasBorn
When I originally created this practice for transforming grief a suitablesequence of techniquesmdashthe best possible information to serve grievingindividualsmdashcamepouringfromwithinmewithuncannyeaseIcanonlyrefertothisexperienceasanactofpureyogicinspirationForyearsIfeltshyaboutsharingthewayinwhichthispracticecametolifeDespitemystrongsenseofits therapeutic effectiveness I feared peoplewould underestimate the value ofthesequencebecauseithadnotrequiredmonthsofstruggleelaboratestudyordemanding intellectual focus Experiencing this spontaneous reception ofaccurateandappropriateinformationproducedinthedepthofmybeinggavemehumility and awe Even personally knowing the magic of yoga I still feltawkward about the easewithwhich this perfectly applicable sadhana showeditselfunveilingtomethetoolstoworkwiththebereaved
Sincethatextraordinarymomentbackin1994Ihavepersonallywitnessedthe power of Yoga for Grief Relief at work Whether in clinical or informalsettingsgrouporprivatesessionsprofessionaltrainingsorpersonalretreatsthetransformationalpowerofthissadhanacontinuestoamazeme
Incidentally it was much later that I was able to identify that preciousmissingelement inmyawarenessyoga iswithineachoneofusalreadyThisknowledge often manifests as intuition that influences our creativity and allaspectsofourlivesInitiallymyinsightsaboutthebodyrsquosinherentinvolvementinthegrievingprocesscamefrommyownexperienceIwitnessedhowmybodyexpressedwhatmymind could not accept regarding the death ofmy belovedmother
When shedied Iwasayoungmanadamantly refusing toacceptherdeathandthepainthatresultedfromitInsteadIcameupwithmultipleexcusesforescaping my present reality cleverly supporting my behavioral choices withthoughtsthatseemedtoworkItoldmyselfthatmymomdidnotbringmeuptobeasadcreaturemourningherdeathineverycornerofourhouseSoIbusiedmyselfwithstudyinganddistractedmyselfwithtripstothebeachIlookedforexcitementdancingallnightlongdrinkingandhavingablast
Two years after her death the denial of the impact and the tearing ofmyheartmanifestedphysicallyasabonespurrightinthecenterofmychestwhereone of my ribs meets the breastbone It resembled calcifications that areproduced internally after a fractureorchestratedby thebody to strengthen theskeletalsystemYesIhadabrokenheartandmybodyshowedthattome
When the Yoga for Grief Relief practice assumed its full form it wasembracedbypractitionersasausefulsetoftoolsaffirmingtheeffectivenessand
perfectionofengagingancientyogatoaddressthevarioussymptomsofmodern-daygriefAsIcarefullybuilttheYogaforGriefReliefprogramIfirstincludedexercises that I thoughtwould take careof themoreobviousbodily effectsofgriefNextIaddressedtheproblemofperceptionsofthebereavedmindinordertoeffectchange in theneuroendocrinesystemFinally Isought tohelppeoplechangetheirperceptionofthelossandredefinethemselvesbasedonanewfoundself-awareness
TheActivePrinciplesofthePracticeYogaoffers techniques toenhanceourawarenessof the inherentvibrantunityamong body mind and spirit For the body yoga offers asanas or physicalmovementsthatimprovevitalfunctionsandenhanceemotionalawarenessForthemindyogausespranayamaorbreathworkBecausethequalityandrhythmof our breathing changes as we experience different thoughts and emotionsactivelyworkingwithourbreathingpatternscanbeausefulwaytoaddressthementalsymptomsencounteredingriefFinallyyogaoffersmeditationtoaddressthe Spirit since once the body is still and themind entertained thatwhich isneithermindnorbodycanmorefullymanifest
The yoga system is precise in how it prescribes exercises for specificsymptomsmuchlikeWesternmedicinedoesyetitisuniqueinacknowledgingthat each exercise addresses the full being The six significant categories thathelpustomovethroughthegrievingprocessarebreathworkbodymovementscleansingtechniquesrelaxationmindreprogrammingandmeditation
PranayamaIntroducingLifeControlThroughBreathWork
Pranayamainvolvesworkingdirectlywithourmostabundantlife-bestowingenergy our breath (prana) These exercises restore our sense of control byconnecting us to our innermost vitalitywhich easily falls out of balance afterlossConsciouslyworkingwithourbreathhelpstoreestablishbalanceandcopewith the fearsome loss of control that grief often presents It also helps us toacquaintourselveswithourmindsmoreintimatelytoobservethewaysinwhichweprocessouremotionsBasedonthisobservationwecandecidewhichtoolsweneedtousetoactivateourenergywhenfeelingdepletedortorelaxandfeelcalmwhenfeelinganxious
Because breathing is automatic and normally performed unconsciously
working consciously with the breath helps us to bridge the gap betweenconsciousandunconsciousEach timeweengage thebreath thiswaywehelpunite the intentional conscious mind and the more hidden unconscious mindallowingustofocusonthoseaspectsthatremainintheshadowycornersofourawareness
It is impossible to change thatwhichwe donrsquot knowor acknowledgeWeneed to recognize the existence of somethingbeforewe can transform it It isthroughourbreathawarenessthatweanchorourauthenticexperiencebringingattention to life in the present moment Our challenge is acknowledging theactual moment as is rather than what we think about it the intention is toactuallyexperienceandviewtheconcreterealityofthemoment
InUruguaywhereIwasbornthereisapopularsayingldquoAlifeistowriteabook to plant a tree and to bring up a childrdquoMy spiritualmasterMaharajiPremPalSinghRawatgivesitabeautiful twistsayingldquoLifeisonebreathinandonebreathoutnomorenolessSoactuallywritingabookplantingatreeorbringingupachildarelsquostoriesrsquoofliferdquo(1990)Givingpresencetoourbreathwegivepresencetoourlifeaswell
ThetediousnatureofthebereavementprocessdemandsoratleastrequestspatienceandawarenesssomethingconsciousbreathingdevelopsAfterallitisnotpossibletotakethenextbreathbeforethepresentoneiscompletethisistheonlywayinwhichlifecanhappenjustonebreathatatime
AsanaToolsforTransformingtheBody
Specificphysicalposesalterthesymptomsofgriefbyaddressingpainlackofenergyandvariousstructuralmalformationsourbodiescancontortintosuchashunchedbacksorcaved-inchestsThesetoolsforsomatictransformationcanbeputintopracticetopromotemovementofthephysicalandpsychiccontentsin the body Essentially any symptom whether psychological or physicalindicatesablockageofenergyresultinginthedisruptionofthenaturalbalanceofourhealthBypromotingthemovementofenergyweallowthelifeforcetoflowtothoseplacesin thebodythatneedit themostWealsobringthelatentcontentsofourmindstothesurfaceofconsciousnessmakingthemavailabletowitnessexploreandultimatelytransform
Our bodies are profoundly involved in the grieving process and infinitelywiserthanourmindsTappingintothebodyrsquoswisdomthroughmovementwhilemonitoring our intensified sensations and feelings gives us a much-needed
awarenessoftheconnectionofbodyandmindIntentionallyengagingourbodyin thesepractices is essential for our continuedoptimalhealth andwell-beingEstablishingtheconnectionmentallyandphysicallyallowsthemindtousethebodyasananchorduringtimesofunrest
Whenfacedwithanexperiencethatweperceiveas threateningwetendtoshield ourselveswith emotional armor built from previous pain and sufferingHabituallycuttingofftheflowofourlifeforcetoavoidcontactwithunpleasantfeelings literallypreventsus fromprocessing thepainofour emotionsLikeahouseofcardsbuiltonillusionthischaradedepletesourresourcesanddistractsusfromthetaskofworkingwithourauthenticfeelings
Performing these asanas challenges the holdings of the bodyrsquos armor (seeldquoBodyArmorADifferent Take on theChakrasrdquo in chapter 2) and helps thenatural energy hubs (chakras) connect enhancing the continuous flow ofconsciousness By stirring up the emotional and psychic contents held in themusclememorywe can connectwith our story throughour bodyrsquos display ofbothstrengthandweakness
As you will find many of the asanas presented here support the bodyrsquosvigorouschallengetofacethesymptomsofgriefYogicactionisgreatlyvaluedand especially effective in transforming griefAmong themanyother benefitsyoga offers choosing specific postures helps the body release some of theunwantedgrief-inducedchemicalspresentinthebloodstream
ShatkarmaACleansingTechniquefortheMind
Shatkarmaisagroupofyogiccleansingtechniquesusedtoreleaseemotionsthoughtsorphysicalexperiencestrappedinthebody-mindThisprocesscanbelikened to cleaning the surface of a crystal First it allows us to dealwith thegrime then it addresseswhat lies below and finally it encounters the pristineclarityofthecrystalundisturbedbywhatcloudedit
Intheparticularcaseofdealingwithgriefbeliefsystemsworldviewsandpreexistingmentalprogrammingusuallycloudourability toperceiveourgriefasnormalThetoxicbyproductsofstressthedebilitatingactionontheimmunesystem and the neurologically induced negative anticipatory thinking can andmustbetransformedsowecanstarttofeelbetteranddiligentlyandpurposefullyaccessthehiddengemfoundwithingrief
RelaxationCombatingStress
Relaxing practices such asanga shaithilya or self-relaxation are vital fordiminishing stress levels that areusuallyheightenedduringgriefAdjusting toournewundefinedrealityoften involves learningnewcopingskillsForsomeof us that alone can increase stress Relaxation is a potent normalizer andantidotetodealwiththeresultingsymptomsofbothsomaticallyexpressedstressandmentalanguishAngashaithilyaalsohelpsregulatedisturbedvitalfunctionssuch as breathing and cardiac rhythms sleep cycles and eating habitsRelaxation is also fundamental in helping the body achieve homeostasisbalancing blood-pressure levels and resetting the overall endocrine systemwhich in turnhelps to reduceourdramaticmoodswingsandgeneral stateofirritability
SankalpaResettingtheMind
OneofthemosteffectivementalreprogrammingtechniquesyogapossessesisSankalpa thepowerfulyogicprinciple referred toasldquoResolverdquoSettingourintentionorsayingaprayeroftenoutloudcanhelpresetthebrainandfocusthemind The application for grief in particular helps address the scattered andshatteredlinearthinkingthat issocharacteristicofgriefByfocusingthemindand identifying the present situation grieving individuals can clarify whatspecificchanges they intend toaccomplishThis tool is simplycalledResolveanditsurelyldquoresolvesrdquoThispracticeengagesourfullpresenceindicatingthatone is resolved to take the next step Resolve combats negative anticipatorythinking that stems from grief-induced disturbances of the limbic system Itaccomplishesthisbyformulatingintentionsonlyinthepresenttenseproducingpositive mental alignment and offering a powerful antidote for fear-basedruminations
MeditationTheChiefTechniquetoAddresstheSpirit
Many people think meditation involves stopping the mind Due to thiserroneousmisconceptionmanyfrustratedandconfusedseekerschoosetototallydiscard meditation In truth the attempt to stop the mind is futile since itcontradictsthemindrsquosinherentfunctioningwhichconstantlyshiftsfromthepast
tothefuturefromtherealtothefantasizedRatherthanattemptingtostopthemindmeditationofferstheever-changingmindalimitedrangeofchangemdashforexamplegoingfromchantingoneomtoanotherormovingfromonerepetitionoftheRosarytoanotheroneThisinturncomfortablydistractsthemindduetoanaturalfeatureofthebrainthatmaskspermanentstimuli
TobetterunderstandthismaskingfeatureimaginesomeonewhomovestoanewhomeinfrontofrailroadtracksandhearseachandeverypassingtrainAfewmonthslaterwhileentertainingathomeadinnerguestexpressesprofoundconcernabouttheintensenoiseldquoWowthesetrainsmustdriveyoucrazyrdquoThehostqueriesunthinkinglyldquoWhattrainsrdquo
HowthePracticeFunctionsasaWholeThe sadhana that Irsquove developed follows its own inherent rhythm leading usthroughprogressivesteps for transforminggriefFirst ithelpsusprepare tobepresentforthefullpaletteofourfeelingsthenitpromotestheproperflowoflifeforcecreatingoptimalconditionsforhealingNext itstirs theemotionalheartdeepeningourconnectionwithouremotionsandthenitprovidesanoutletforthe ones we want to release Subsequently it offers some control over theemotionalrollercoasterofgriefsothatbalancecanthenbeachievedThroughrelaxation thedeep releaseof internalandexternal stressors follows readyingthemindtoaccessnewprogrammingWethenhaveamoredirectunobstructedpathwaytothedepthofourSpiritforcreativelyredefiningournewidentity
OvercomingBarrierstoPractice
ThesadhanapresentedinthisbookisapracticeThereforeitrequiresyourcommitment to practice for you to reap the desired benefits This may seemobvious toyouyet that isnot so formanypeopleSomehope thatby simplyreadingthismaterialtheirsymptomswillspontaneouslyabateOthersalthoughencouragedby the results seenafter just a few initial rounds simplywill stoppracticebecausetheydonothavethewillorstrengthwithintocontinueSomereport that they donrsquot practice because of lack of appropriate support othersbecausetheyarewaitingforthemostidealconditionsthatneverseemtoshowupAlloftheseareexcusesthatcanandmustberesolved
SuccessinyogaandtheabilitytomanifestthebestpossiblelifeisbasedontwocoreprinciplespracticeandnonattachmentWorkingonnonattachment is
byfarmoredifficultthanworkingonestablishingapracticeEspeciallyduringexcruciatingly difficultmoments of bereavement the grievingmindmaywellresisttalkingaboutorconfrontingtheconceptofnonattachment
Asstatedinchapter1weonlygrievethelossofthatwhichweareattachedto This statement depicts exactly how grief and attachment are intrinsicallyintertwined
Eachpartofthesadhanaservestheoverallgoaloftransformingthecomplexexperience of grief by promoting body mind and spirit integration andrejuvenation
To accommodate the emotional waves and inherent fluctuations in thebereavementprocessIsuggestmaintaininganattitudeofdetachmenttowardtheimmediateresultsofpracticeSomedaysyourpracticewillbeintenseonothersitmaybemilderSomedaysyouwill feel content after practicing other daysyourpracticemighttakeyoutoplacesthatfeellessthansatisfyingThedeeperbenefitswill comeas a result of establishing a regular practiceKeep inmindthatinthebest-casescenarioaseriousdedicatedpracticecanactuallyleadonetononattachment
In the following chapter I will demonstrate how to do the practicesthemselveshoweachpracticehelpsusandhowtoestablishthebestlogisticstoensureasuccessfulpractice
Chapter4
WhatYouCanDoTheYogaPractice
This chapter features the sadhana a sequence of exercises presented in asimplewayandaspecificorderbestsuitedtoaidinyourgrievingprocessThepreviouschaptersharedinformationexplainingthegeneraleffectsofeachgroupof exercises This chapter explains how each technique specifically addressesgriefandhow topracticeeachoneby followingstep-by-step instructionsThechapter that follows this one will help you discern how and when to use theexercisesandifneedbehowtoadaptthemaccordingtoyourpersonalabilitiesand needsYoumay benefit from familiarizing yourselfwith both chapters asyou embark on your practice alternating between the two while learning thetechniquesandplanninghowtointegratethemintoyourlife
Hereisanat-a-glancelistofthesadhanaexercises(alongwiththeirSanskritnames)intheorderIproposetheybepracticedin
YogaforGriefReliefSadhana
Pranayama
CompleteBreathing(MahatYogaPranayama)
Asana
EnergyFlowSeries(Pawanmuktasana1)
Windmill(VayuChakramAsana)
AttitudeofDischarging(UtthitaLolasana)
Shatkarma
ConcentratedGazing(Tratak)
Pranayama
Alternate-NostrilBreathing(NadiShodhanaPranayama)
Relax
Self-RelaxationTechnique(AngaShaithilya)
MentalReprogramming
Resolve(Sankalpa)
Meditation
BreathMeditation
AcceptingLifeFully
ldquoLifeisonebreathinandonebreathouthelliprdquo
mdashPremPalSinghRawat
PracticingCompleteBreathingallowsyoutogetintouchwiththequintessentialmovementinyourlifeonebreathinandonebreathoutDuringbereavementthemindisconfusedinitsattempttograspanewrealityandtendstoruminateonthepastoranticipateanegativefutureSinceneitherof these tendenciesallowyoutoinhabitthepresentmdashtheonlyplacetoreallybemdashitisimportanttobringawarenesstowhatlifeisreallylikeinthemomentThisexercisecalmsthemindwhilethebodybenefitsfromreceivingaproperintakeofoxygenwhichhelpstoalleviatetheshortnessofbreathcommonlypresentwhengrieving
CompleteBreathing(MahatYogaPranayama)
Prior toactuallypracticingCompleteBreathing letrsquos takea lookatapreparatoryexercisethatwillhelpyoubetteridentifythethreepartsinvolvedinthetechnique
PreparationforCompleteBreathing
1 Lieonyourbackfindacomfortablepositionandplaceyourarmsatyoursideswithpalmsfacingup
2 ConnectwithyourbreathandobservethebreathrsquosnaturalrhythmObservetheinvolvementofyourbellyribsandchestinyourbreath
3 BringyourrighthandtothelowerbellykeepingtheelbowonthefloorBringthelefthandontoyourchestInhalebringingairmostlytothebellyExhalesoftlycontractingthebellyContinuetobreathethiswayforafewroundsNotethatatthistimethereshouldbenomovementofyourlefthandorintheribcageareaWitnesstherighthandmovingupanddownwhiletheleftremainsstill
4 Nowmovebothhandstotheribcageplacingthethumbatthebackoftheribscloseto
thespineandyourfingersinfrontMakesurethattheinneredgeofthehands(thumbtothetipoftheindexfinger)followsthecurveofyourribsRestthetipoftheindexfingerasclosetothefrontpartoftheribsasyoucanInhaleallowingtheribstoexpandExhaleallowingtheribstocomebacktowardthecenterofyourbodyastheycontractCompresstheribsslightlytowardthecenterofthebodywithyourhandsattheendoftheexhalationContinuetobreathethiswayforafewroundsNotethatthechestandbellyshouldexperiencelittlemovementatthistime
5 PlaceyourhandsbackatyoursidesforamomentbeforebringingthemtotheirpreviouspositionlefthandatthechestrighthandatthelowerbellyInhaleallowingthechesttofillupNoticethecollarbonesmovingtowardthejawboneThenexhaleallowingthechesttosoftlycontractasitreturnstotheoriginalpositionContinuetobreathethiswayforafewroundsAtthistimethereshouldbenomovementofthebellytherighthandortheribcagearea
Now that each phase of breathing has been broken down for you bring it together insequenceasCompleteBreathing
CompleteBreathing
1 Inhaleslowlyexpandingyourabdomen
2 Thenfullyexpandyourribs
3 Thenexpandthechestoutwardandupward
4 Exhalerelaxingfirsttheabdomenthentheribsandthenthechestfirstdownwardandtheninward
5 PracticecontinuousinhalationsandexhalationsTheremaybeatendencytoallowthebellytofallwhilebringingairintothechestDoyourbesttokeepthebellyfullduringinhalationandasyoucontinuetoengagetheremainingparts
Suggestedtime5minutes
Benefits
Itmaximizesyourinhalationsandexhalations
Ithelpsyougaincontrolofthebreathcorrectsalteredbreathingpatternsandincreasesoxygenintake
Itbringsawarenesstotheareawherethemainchakrasarelocatedthereforeenhancingconsciousconnectionwithrelatedthoughtsandsensations
Itservesasasymbolicacceptanceofthetotalityofthegrievingprocess
Ithelpspromoteapsychologicalsensationofgreatercontroloverlife
Precautions
Thewholeprocessshouldbeonecontinuousmovement
Eachphaseofbreathingmovesintothenextwithoutanyobvioustransitionpoint
Ifexperiencinglowerbackpainplaceacushionorothersupportunderyourknees
Contraindications
None
On a psychosomatic level by engaging your abdominal muscles duringCompleteBreathing you can connectwith gut feelings such as anger fear orguiltRawfeelingsexperiencedbytheheartoftenencounterresistancefromthemindThere isa reasonwhymanypeople refer to feelinganxiousashavingaknotintheirstomach
TheintercostalmusclesholdtheribstogetherandrelatetosafetyTheyarethemusclesthathelpprotectourpreciousvitalorgansItiscommontoseetherib cage locked in defensewith frightened and abused individualsBy tensingthe intercostals an individual attempts to re-create a sense of security that isbeing threatened Asking yourself questions to identify the threatmdashldquoWhat isthreateningmeHowcanImaintainasenseofsecurityWhatmightIneedtodordquomdashcanskillfullyelicitmuch-neededintrospectionAllowingtheribcagetoexpandissymbolicofyourintentiontobeflexibleregardingsafety
ThepectoralbreathrelatestoemotionsoryourelaboratedgutfeelingsMostofusfirstfilterourgutfeelingsthroughtheparametersofwhatweconsidersafethen transform them into complex emotions including other aspects related toourbeliefsystemsintellectualconsiderationslearneddefensemechanismsandmore
ldquoThewayinwhichyoubreatheisametaphorforthewayinwhichyouareliving your lifeAre you taking little sips of breath as though you donrsquot havepermission to takeupmuchspaceon theplanetrdquoasksAmyWeintraub(2004125)YourpracticeofCompleteBreathingissymbolicofyourcommitmenttoafullbreathandafulllifeThereforeyouareabletotrulyinhabitthepresentanddealwiththefeelingsthatgriefstirsupYoumightnotlikethesefeelingsyetitisnecessarytobepresentforthemiftheintentionistomovethroughthegriefprocess in a healthy way By exhaling fully you are also committing tocompletelylettinggoofwhatnolongerservesyoumdashperhapsagoodtrade-off
SomepeopleknowadifferentwayofpracticingthistechniquecalledDurgausingbellyribsandchesttoinhalebutexhalingusingchestfirstthenribsandbelly last I propose using belly ribs then chest for both inhalation andexhalation because it facilitates filling and also emptying the lungs mostefficiently Imagine one of those tubes of frosting with a metal tip used fordecoratingcakesIfyoureallywanttoemptyityoumustfirstpressthebottomthen the middle and last the tip The same applies to the lungs which arebasicallytwotriangleswiththebasefacingtowardthebottomofthetorsoThelungsemptymostcompletelywhen lowering thebelly first then theribs thenthechestThisactionalsoallowsforastrongerinhalationaftereachexhalationbecause nothing can be filled up completely if it has not been previously
emptiedAfter you havemastered the use of the three areas involved in this breath
workpleasepracticeCompleteBreathingusingyourpersonalbreathingrhythmPracticingbreathinginthewayIrsquoveindicatedcanbesymbolicallyusedasasignofyourwillingness toembrace thefullnessofyourgrievingprocessOnce thebreath is made conscious and its use enhanced by the practice of CompleteBreathingthenwecanattempttocontroltheflowoflifeforce
UnblockingtheFlowoftheLifeForceThisasanaseriesisamasterpieceofyogamdashatruegemmdashthoughperhapsduetoits simplicity deceptive power and gentle efficiency it is not alwaysacknowledged as such Unblocking the life forcersquos flow is essential whenattemptingtoregainhealthandpromotechangeThewordpawanmeansldquodivinewindrdquo and relates to the life force that comes with the breathmukta meansldquoreleaserdquo and asana means ldquoposerdquo Therefore pawanmuktasana translates toposes that removeblockages thatprevent thefree flowofenergy inbothbodyandmind This technique should be practiced from beginning to end withoutskippinganypart
EnergyFlowSeries(Pawanmuktasana1)
Sitwithyourlegsstraightandyourhandsbehindyourbodyfingerspointingawayfromyourtoes
ToeBending
1 Bringawarenesstoyourtoes
2 Nowrollthetoesforwardthenback
3 Keepyourawarenessonyourtoes
AnkleBending
1 Separateyourlegsslightlysothatwhenyouperformanklerotationsyourfeetdonottouch
2 Bringawarenesstoyourankles
3 RotateyouranklesinoppositedirectionskeepingthetoesrelaxedMakeaswidearotationasyoucomfortablycan
4 Nowreversedirections
KneeBending
1 Bringawarenesstoyourknees
2 Liedownonyourbackwithyourhandsunderthesacrumpalmsfacingdownandthesolesofyourfeetonthefloorkneesbent
3 Straightenyourrightlegupfully
4 Letthecalffallbendingattheknee
5 Nowswitchlegsandrepeat
6 Onceyouhavecycledthroughbothlegsstretchyourlegsoutfullyonthefloorremovingyourhandsfromunderthesacrumandlyingflatcontinuetobeawareofyourknees
HipRotation
1 Bringyourawarenesstothehips
2 Lifttherightlegslightlyoffthefloor
3 CrosstherightleglowovertheleftlegtowardyourleftarmkeepingthekneestraightKeepyourgluteusmusclesbackandshouldersflatonthefloortoavoidtwistingyourwaist
4 Bendtherightkneebringingittowardyourface
5 Opentherightlegouttotherightandstraightentheknee
6 Bringtherightlegtowardtheleftleg
7 Continuewiththerotationmakinganotherlargecircle
8 Repeatthecyclewiththesamelegbutrotateintheoppositedirection
9 Repeatwiththeleftleg
SpinalTwistProstrationPose
1 Bringyourawarenesstothewaist
2 Situpfromthelyingdownpositionandspreadyourlegsapart
3 Inhaleandbendthebodyforwardbringingyourarmstowardyourtoes
4 NowswingtheupperbodytotheleftandonanexhalebringyourtorsodowntothefloorcreatingatwistatthewaistYoushouldendupwithyourhandsandchinonthefloorandelbowsupMakesureyouleaveyourrightbuttockasclosetothefloorasyoucanwhilealsobringingtheleftshoulderdowntowardthefloor
5 Nowinhaleandcomeupswingingtheupperbodybacktowardyourfeet
6 Onanexhaleswingthebodytotherightside
7 Repeat
Besureyourchinrestswherethebackofyourheadwouldbeifyouwerelyingdown
HandClenching
1 Findacomfortablesittingposition
2 Keepingthespinestraightbringyourhandstothekneeswithpalmsfacingup
3 Bringawarenesstoyourfingers
4 Stretchthearmsforwardandstretchyourfingersspreadingthemapart
5 Thenbendyourfingersincreatingtwofists
6 Uncurlyourfingersandbringyourhandsbackdowntorestonyourkneeskeepingawarenessonyourfingers
Wrist-JointRotation
1 Moveawarenesstoyourwrists
2 StretchthearmsforwardagainmakingtwofistsKeepyourthumbsinsidethefists
3 KeepingyourhandsinthatpositionbringthemupandrotateyourwristsinoppositedirectionsKeepyourarmsparallelwiththefloorandmakesuretokeepthemstraighttheforearmsfacingdownrotatingonlythewrists
4 Nowreversethedirection
5 Bringyourhandsbacktothekneesrelaxthemandremainwithyourawarenessonthewrists
ElbowBending
1 Bringyourawarenesstotheelbows
2 Stretchtherightarmforwardwithpalmfacinguparmparalleltothefloor
3 Holdtherightarmwiththelefthandatthebicepareasupportingthewholearmsoitremainsatshoulderlevel
4 Bendtheelbowbringingyourfingerstotheshoulder
5 Nowlettheforearmfallforwardstraighteningyourarmagainwiththepalmfacingup
6 Changearmsandrepeat
7 Nowbringyourarmsdownrelaxingthemandplacingyourhandsattheknees
8 Keepyourawarenessontheelbows
ShoulderSocketRotation
1 Bringawarenesstoyourshoulders
2 Onaninhalemovethetipsofyourfingerstothetipsofyourshoulders
3 ExhaleplacingtheelbowstogetherinfrontofyourchestYourelbowsshouldtouch
4 InhalebringingtheelbowsupthenbackMakesurethehandstouchatthebackoftheneck
5 ExhalebringingtheelbowsdownthenforwardcompletingthecircleMakesuretokeeptheneckrelaxed
6 Repeattheexercisewiththeelbowsrotatingintheoppositedirection
7 Whendonebringyourhandstorestonthekneesrelaxingtheshoulders
NeckRotations
1 Bringawarenesstoyourneck
2 Lettheheadfallforward
3 Nowbringtheheadupthenletitrollbackopeningthemouthslightly
4 Repeatthemotion
5 Nowbringyourheadbackstraighttoitsoriginalpositionandtiltitslightlytotherightbringingtherighteardowntowardtherightshoulder
6 BringtheheadbackupandtiltittotheleftbringingthelefteardowntowardtheleftshoulderDonrsquotturnyourneckonlymovethehead
7 Nowbringthechindowntoyourchest
8 Bringthechinupandmoveittowardtherightshoulder
9 Thenbringyourchinuppointingittowardtheceiling
10 Nowmoveyourchintowardtheleftshoulder
11 Thenbringitdowntowardthechest
12 ReversedirectionsRemembertokeepyourshouldersandhandsrelaxedasyoucyclethroughthemovementsKeepyourawarenessonyourneck
Suggestednumberofrepetitionsnolessthan3timeseachmovement
Suggestedtime10minutes
Benefits
Itpromotesthefreeflowoflifeforce
Itoptimizestheconditionsforhealing
Itstimulatesproperlymphaticdrainage
Itimprovesproperjointfunctionalitycombatingtheeffectsofarthritisandotherdegenerativeillnesses
Itrelaxesthemusclesofthebodyandtheimpulsesthattravelbacktothebrainrelaxingthemind
Ittunesuptheautonomicnerves
Itbalanceshormonalfunctions
Itimprovesvitalorganfunctions
Itimprovestheattentivefacultyofthemind
Precautions
Stayfocusedoneachbodypartpriortomovingitwhilemovingitandafterwardaswell
BesensitivetopainassociatedwithpotentialpoppingsoundswhenmovingthehipsIfthepoppingisnotpainfulyoumightcontinue
IfmomentarilyunabletoperformamovementdonotskipthatjointorplaceRathervisualizethemovementasfullyasyouareabletothencontinuewiththesubsequentjoint
Contraindications
Thisseriesneedstobemodifiedifyouhaveinjuriesorlimitationsinanyparticularjointinvolved
Thosesufferingfromsciaticaorlowerbackndashrelatedconditionsshouldbesensitivetopainwhenperformingthoseasanasthatinvolvethisareaofthebody
Theneckexercisesshouldnotbeperformedfullybythosesufferingfromhighbloodpressureorextremecervicalspondylosis
As we free the energy in our body it flows from healthy places tocompromised areas promoting the flow of the life force nourishing the bodyfromwithinandallowingittohealGriefisnotanillnessalthoughattimeswecertainlyfeelquitesickOurbodiesacheyearningforthereestablishmentofourwell-beingAspracticehelpstorestoreorderandproperoverallfunctioningwearemoreequippedtocopewithgrievoushealthdisturbances
Placing our awareness on each joint helps us gain deeper contact withourselvesheighteningourperceptionofsensationsandfeelingsinthebody
Doing this offers thepossibilityof tapping into thebodyrsquos rhythmswhichare often much clearer than the perceptions of the mind After all we canrsquotchangewhatwedonrsquotknowWhilegrievingourawarenessisoftenmisguidedlyplacedon thedramaofour losses Increasingawarenessof thebody improvesthereceptivityofthemindbecauseoftheintricateunionofthesetwoaspectsofoursystem
Learninghowourbodyrespondstoouractionsisexpertlydemonstratedinthe alternation of first feeling a joint in stillness and then feeling it in actionWhenwe focus on how it feels tomove this part of our bodywe engage infeelingtheeffectsmoreprecisely
ThemonitoringoftheconditionofourjointsservesasamappingdeviceItis a fresh angle on self-reflection which enables us to witness progress Themoving body releases information regarding feelings and mental impressionsthatweholdinourmoleculesBycarefullylisteningtotheemergencewecanhear our own internal guidance taking us a step closer to reinforcing existingfeelingsorchangingthemtosuitourneeds
The flexions and extensions contractions and torsionsmdashall help the bodypurgeundesiredchemicalbyproductsofgriefTheseactionspromotethereleaseoftoxinsthatifleftinsidemakeouranxietygreaterourdepressiondeeperandourconfusionmorepronouncedMonitoringthedailychangeshelpsuswitnessthe small improvements that practice of this technique brings By witnessingthesedailymicroimprovementsyoucangainrenewedhopeinthepossibilityofincrementalshiftsthatreduceclassicalnegativeanticipatorythinking
Themindcanconvenientlyldquoforgetrdquosomejointssotry toremembertonotskip any of the exercises so as to avoid further blockages Even if you canrsquotmovea jointdue toafunctional limitationsimplyvisualize therotationOncewersquove cleared the pathways of the life force in the system we are ready tofurtherstirupourfeelingsandmakeadeeperandmoresignificantconnectionwith themmdashsomethingthefollowingexercise theWindmill isuniquelysuitedfor
WhiskingUptheFeelingsTheWindmillisthekeyasana intheYogaforGriefReliefsadhanaandgivesyou access to themost powerful resource you can tap intoAlthough it is notfound in classical yoga texts it relates to a similar exercise included inBioenergeticsatechniqueinventedbyAmericanphysicianandpsychotherapistAlexander Lowen (1994) I felt inspired to design theWindmill exercise andintegrateit intomygrief therapypracticebecauseof theprofoundeffect ithadon me As a somatic psychotherapist I was absolutely fascinated by theimmediate effect of how quickly whirling arm movements enhance theperceptionoffeelingsInadditionIlearnedthatintraditionalChinesemedicinesome rotational movements of the arms are often prescribed to deal withsymptomsofgriefpinpointedinthelungs
AnandaBalayogiBhavananiadearfriendandoneofthemodernscholarsofYoga in India provided me with a Sanskrit name for the technique vayuchakramasanaorldquowheelofairrdquoThroughmanyyearsofusingthistechniqueIhavecometorealizethattheeffectivenessoftheWindmillisabsolutelyduetothe intentionally direct contact with anahata chakra the heart center whereattachmentisdeveloped
Windmill(VayuChakramAsana)
RightArm
1 Standwithyourfeetparallelthekneesunlockedthespinestraightandyourarmsatyoursides
2 Turnthethumbofyourrighthandinwardtowardthelegfirstthenturnitbackwardsothatyourpinkyfacesforwardandyourpalmfacesouttotheside
3 InhaleasyoumoveyourarmforwardandupStopafterthearmpassesslightlybehindtheheadandholdyourbreathfeelingtheslightstretchinthepectoralmuscles
4 OpenyourmouthrelaxyourtongueandwhileexhalingletthearmdropbackanddownwhileemittinganldquoaaahrdquosoundAvoidbumpingyourlegwithyourarmasitdropsdowninafreefallAllowthearmtonaturallystopswinging
SemifastForm
1 Afteranumberofrepetitionsoftheslowformbendyourkneesslightlyandrotateyourarmcontinuouslyatmediumspeedfollowingthesamemotionasbefore
2 AllowforaquickinhalationthroughthenosefollowedbytheldquoaaahrdquosoundasyoucontinuouslyrotateyourarmMakesureyourarmrotatescontinuouslyAvoidholdingyourbreathasyoudidbeforeAvoidbobbingupanddownkeepyourkneesbentthroughout
FastForm
1 Increasethespeeduntilyourotatethearmasfastasyoucanwhilecontinuingtobreathemdashmorerapidlynowmdashandmakingtheldquoaaahrdquosound
2 Stopthemovementstraightenthekneesandconnectwithanyemotionsorfeelingsthatmightarisewithclosedeyes
Youmightexperiencepain inyourfingertips If thepain istoointenseyoumayholdyourarmuprightandallowthebloodtoflowawayfromtheextremitieswhichreleasesanypainalmost immediately Please also consider bearing with the pain because it might be aneffectivemetaphorforyourwillingnesstowithstandthepainofgrief
LeftArm
1 Repeatasfortherightarm
BothArms
1 Facebothpalmsoutwiththepinkiesfacingforward
2 Inhaleasyoumovebotharmsforwardandup
3 StopthemovementwhenthearmspassslightlybehindyourheadHoldyourbreathfeelingtheslightstretchinbothpectoralmuscles
4 Openyourmouthrelaxyourtongueandwhileexhalingletthearmsdropbackanddownwhileemittinganldquoaaahrdquosound
SemifastForm
1 Afteranumberofrepetitionsoftheslowformbendyourkneesslightlyandrotateboth
armscontinuouslyatmediumspeedfollowingthesamemotionasbefore
FastForm
1 Increasethespeeduntilyourotatethearmsasfastasyoucanwhilecontinuingwiththefastbreathandtheldquoaaahrdquosound
2 Stopthemovementstraightenthekneesandconnectwithanyemotionsorfeelingsthatmightarisewithclosedeyes
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10timeswhenperformingtheslowversionnolessthan10 times when performing the semifast and fast versions A better recommendationhoweverisforyoutosimplyself-regulatetherepetitionssincecountingthemcandistractfromtheupsurgeofemotionalcontent
Benefits
Itunblockstheheartchakraoxygenatingandrelaxingthepectoralmuscleswhileallowingthefeelingsandemotionstofindawaytothesurfaceofyourbodyandyourconsciousness
Itenhancestheupper-pectoralbreathincreasingthelungsrsquocapacitytoreceiveair
Itincreasesbloodcirculationtotheupperthorax
Ithelpsreleasetightnessintheneckandlessenthesensationoffeelingchoked
Itincreasesageneralfeelingofaliveness
Itincreasesthesensationinthesolesofyourfeetallowingadeeperfeelingofgrounding
Precautions
EnsurethattheneckremainsrelaxedandtheheadstaysstraightthroughouttheexerciseAvoidtiltingtheheadinanydirection
Keepyourkneesbent(whenpracticingthesemifastandfastforms)toreducelower-backimpact
Bearinmindthatalldegreesofpracticemdashfromvisualizationtofullperformancemdashareeffective
Remembernottobreakthestraightlineofyourpostureasyouexhaleandbringthearmsdown
Donottwistthebodytothesideorrotateitwhiledroppingthearmsdownasyouexhale
Contraindications
ThosesufferingfromrotatorcuffndashrelatedconditionsshouldonlyvisualizetheWindmillorperformitinawaythatdoesnotpromotepainIfpainappearsstopmovementthentryasimplerlessinvolvedvariation
ThesemifastandfastmovementsshouldbeperformedwithcarerespectingtheinherentlimitationswithregardtoanypreexistingconditionssuchasneckshoulderorbackinjuriesoraheartconditionIfanyofthesemovementspromotemorethanslightpainorifyouhavedoubtsaboutwhethertheyareappropriateforyouatthistimepleaseconsultamedicalprofessionalbeforeperformingthisexercise
TheWindmillhelpsactivatethepectoralmuscleswhilehelpingthescapulaeto rotate unlockingour emotional armor and relieving tension in the shoulderarea As the tense muscles start to loosen our perceptions change as buriedemotionsstartmigratingfromstuckplacesinthebody
The nature of the Windmill exercise is active I feel it is important toemphasize that although it is natural to resist the emotions these movementsmightbringupworkingthroughthemistheonlywaytotransformgrief
PracticingtheWindmillproveshelpfulforwhatwasoncetenselockedandshutawaytobecomeopenanddynamicYouareinvitedtomeetyourselffullywhenyouactivate thispartofyourbodyenhancing thepotential toalteryourperceptionofyourpreviouslyheldbeliefs
Justlikekidsthinktheyareinvisiblewhentheyhidebehindtheirownhandswhileplayingpeek-a-booweplayanadultversionofthegamebythinkingthatbynotnamingourfeelingsandignoringthemwedonrsquotfeelthemWeknowthateverybody can see the little kid behind his hands and in a similar way ourhigherselfcanseewhatwedonrsquotwanttoacknowledgeaspartofourexperienceHowcanwechange somethingwhenwedonrsquot know it is thereHowcanweconsciouslytransformabeliefifwearenotawareofit
Moving through thepainofgrief is anessential taskFeeling thepainandbecomingfamiliarwith it is thefirststepNextweconsciouslyworkwith thepainandtransformitthroughouractionsRememberthatyouhavenotactuallycreatedanyfeelingsbypracticingtheWindmilltheyarealreadythereinsideofyou
Theshortmomentofretentionofthein-breathallowsforanopportunitytomatchthebodyrsquospresentenvironmentofoverchargedfeelingsandtension thatyouaregoingthroughinlifeanditpreparesthesystemforthesubsequentreliefwhenswingingthearmbackanddownTheldquoaaahrdquosoundinducesyourabilitytoexpressyourselftogetthingsoffyourchestSoundhelpsopenthepathwaystowarda full expressionof theemotionsassociatedwith the loss andwith thenew situation that results Because grieving individuals need to be heardopening the avenues of communication both with yourself and others is veryimportantTheUniversebehavesaswavesusingsoundcanhelpyoubegin to
modifyyourrealityonacosmiclevelYourabilitytospeakyourtruthreshapesthecircumstancesthatcomposeyournewreality
DuringtimesofgriefacknowledgingwhereweareinrelationtoourprocesscanbechallengingProbablyinfusedbythesocietalawkwardnessaroundgriefmdashthe fact that nobody wants to talk about itmdashwe too feel awkward and notnecessarilycomfortableexposingourachingheartsshowingourtruepainThispromotes isolation and enhances the feeling that no one can understand usWhileitistruethatnotwoindividualsgrieveinthesamewayitisalsotruethatthereareuniversaltraitstoeveryonersquosgriefandsharinginthisprocesscanbeofimmense assistance at this time Being able to speak about your realitywhengrievingcanhelpyouemotionallyaccepttherealityofthelossThisisliberatingin itself provided that the other is a good listener What is a good listenerSomeone who is receptive accepting and willing to just listen and not giveadvicesomeonewhoisnotapttogiveflippantanswerssuchasldquoDonrsquotworryyoursquollbeallrightrdquo
SomeprefertheslowformoftheWindmillbecauseitismorepleasantthanthesemifastandfastformsPreferablythefasterformsofthetechniqueshouldbe practiced with supervision and closely monitored by an experienced andseasoned yoga therapist or even better by a competent body-orientedpsychotherapistTheelevatedenergetictoneofboththesemifastandfastformsoftenevokeveryintensefeelingsThewillingnessandreadinesstoexposeyourdeepestdefensemechanismsdemands increasedcaution compassion andcaretowardyourself
I have seen many yoga practitioners having breakthroughs with theWindmill tapping into their own unmasked hearts at times exhilarated bymerelywitnessingtheirownrichpaletteoffeelingsothertimesoverwhelmedbythe intensityof itallBecause theconsequencescanbevery intense I suggestusingtheslowformonlyatfirstYoumaywanttoleavetheothertwospeedsforatimewhenyoucanpracticewithproperguidanceandareemotionallypreparedtoworkwithwhatarisesWhileitistruethatyouwanttofaceyouremotionalrealityyoumustdosoinawaythatisfeasibleandproductiveforgrowth
The imageof awindmill using thepowerof thewind to grindgrains intoflourisasavalidanalogyasitexemplifiestheprocessofworkingthroughourown grief Transforming the hardness of the process into something we canderivenurturancefrommirrorsthehardshellonthegrainThemillingturnsthehardness into something thatwecanuseBy releasingour armoredpostureofprotectionwegainaccesstothehiddengemwrittenaboutearlierinthischapterChapter6furtheraddressestheaspectsofsuchatransformation
LetGoThe Attitude of Discharging exercise offers an extraordinary outlet for yourheightened feelings brought to consciousness after practicing the WindmillNow stirred up your emotions are available and accessible for creativeexternalization
ThisasanademonstrateshowyogacanbeusedtoaddressissuesattheircorebyhelpingindividualsdischargeunwantedfeelingsInsteadofofferingspecificantidotes foreach feelingweefficientlyassumeanattitudeof lettinggo tobeappliedtoanyandallfeelings
ThequestiongrievingindividualsaskmostoftenisldquoWhatdoIdowiththesefeelingsrdquoEventhoughfeelingsaretobefeltitistruethatmostofuswanttodosomething with them In the words of JWilliamWorden ldquoSadness must beaccompaniedbyanawarenessofwhatonehaslostangerneedstobeproperlyand effectively targeted guilt needs to be evaluated and resolved and anxietyneedstobeidentifiedandmanagedrdquo(200996)
Onceyouidentifyyourfeelingsyoucanassesswhatactionsareneededtoaddress them The following asana allows you to discharge negative andunpleasant feelings or perhaps to discharge those that prevent you fromaccessing the positive feelings you awaken by practicing the Windmill andwouldliketoexperiencemoredeeply
AttitudeofDischarging(UtthitaLolasana)
1 Standwithlegsapartfeetparallelandkneesbent
2 Onaninhalebringthearmsforwardandupthenbendbackwardmovingthepelvisforwardandtiltingtheheadback
3 Holdyourbreathattheendoftheinhalation
4 Openyourmouthrelaxthetongueandthenwhileexhalingswingtheupperbodyforwardanddownuntilcomingtoacompleterelaxationoftheupperbodyandemittinganldquoaaahrdquosound
5 WhileinhalingmovethearmsforwardandupRepeat
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10times
Benefits
Ittonesthespinalnerves
Itmassagesthevitalorgans
Itstretchesthehamstringsandbackmuscles
Itimproveslymphaticmovementanddrainagefromtheabdomenandbaseofthelungsallowingforanimprovedfullerbreath
Itstimulatesbloodflowtothebrain
Itfacilitatesdischargeofferingfeelingsandemotionalsensationsawayout
Precautions
Keepthekneesbentatalltimesincludingattheendoftheinhalationwhenyouarebentbackward
Makesuretheheadandarmscometoafullrelaxationaftereachdownwardswingingmovementwhenperformingtheregularversion
Contraindications
ThisasanashouldbemodifiedifpracticedbypeoplesufferingfromvertigoInthiscaseavoidplacingtheheaddown
Peoplewithhighbloodpressureshouldavoidthecompleteversionoftheasanalimitingtheforward-downmovementwiththeuppertorso
Thosesufferingfrombackconditionsparticularlyinthelowerbackneedtomonitorpainespeciallywhencomingupafterthedownwardswingingmovement
Thedifficultmomentofbendingbackwardattheendoftheinhalationmightmirror an equally challenging moment during bereavement that of feelingexposed awkward imbalancedvulnerableThe forcefuldownwardmovementoffersanopportunitytoreleasethoseembodiedfeelings
Irsquovefoundthreevariationsofthisposturetobeparticularlyhelpfultothosewhoaregrieving
The first variation includesperforming the technique in a continuous fashion andwith noretention of the in-breath at the end of each inhalation Always keep your knees bent toavoid locking them in an attempt to control the heightened intensity of feelings In mypractice Irsquove found that active people andmen in particular usually enjoy this variationbecause of its enhanced active component The constant use of the ldquoaaahrdquo sound alsotendstoresonatewithmenwhousuallyprefergrowlingouttheiremotionstotalkingaboutthem
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10times
AsecondvariationentailsldquoplacingrdquotheparticularfeelingyouneedtodischargeinthepalmsofyourhandsAsyoumoveforwardanddownvisualizethatemotionbeingreleasedintothe earth Holding the feeling in the palms helps the mind concretize the feeling andenhancestheintensityandfocusofthedischarge
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10times
A third variation has your hands making full contact with the floor at the end of theexhalationwith the ldquoaaahrdquosoundsustainedAvoid tapping thehandson the floor ratherkeep the full contact for as long as you are exhaling and emitting the ldquoaaahrdquo soundVisualizepushingthefeelingsforcefullyintothehotmagmaatthecenteroftheearthAllowthe upper body to fully lean on the hands and intensify the push imagining the emotiontravelingathighspeedandmeltingintotheearthrsquoscoreRememberthatmeltingsomethingdoes not get rid of it it merely changes its form In a similar way our feelings cannotdisappearbutinsteadcanbetransformedwithintentiontimeandwork
Suggestednumberofrepetitions3times
IfyouarecompromisedinyourbodilycapacitytoperformthisexercisebesafeandonlyengageuptoyourlimitorpracticebyvisualizingthetechniqueIrsquove evenproposed this exercise to people confined to awheelchair engagingonlytheupperbodyarmsandheadasavariationofthisposture
After performing such an intense asana we are now ready to move to aquietercalmerpracticetocontinueworkingwithourgrief
SleepBetterandAwakentoaNewPerspectiveThetechniquethatfollowsisusefultohelpbalancethepinealglandBecauseofitsinvolvementinregulatingthefunctionsoftheotherendocrineglandsthisisagoodway to reset the endocrine system in its entirety This exercise can helpindividualsstrengthentheirprotectionfromforeignagentsandavoidtherelapseofpreexistingconditionsthatoftenoccursatthisvulnerabletimeThisisduetothe relationship between the endocrine system and the immune systemparticularlyatthethymusglandThepinealglandisoftenheavilytaxedduringthegriefprocess and the insomniamanygrieversexperiencemdashor itsoppositeoversleepingmdashis the result of an imbalance in the melatonin it producesEngaging the optic nerves is a way of addressing this disturbance since theglandreactstolightregisteredthroughthesenerves
ConcentratedGazing(Tratak)
1 SitcomfortablyandextendyourrightarmwithyourfistclosedandyourthumbpointingupthethumbnailfacingyouIfyouneedsupportforthearmplacetheclosedfistofyourlefthandattherightarmpitYoumayalsobendtherightkneeanduseyourkneetosupportthearm
2 Locateadistantobject(atleast10feetaway)ateyelevelasafocalpointandplaceyourthumbnailwithinthelineofvisionbetweenyoureyesandthedistantobjectoffocusTheobjectbeingfocusedonshouldberelativelysmallsuchasadoorknobarockoradrawnblackdot
3 Focusonyourthumbnailfor1minute
4 Shiftyourfocustothedistantobjectfor1minute
5 Shiftbacktoyourthumbnail
6 Repeattheprocessofswitchingthefocus3times(6timesintotal)Avoidblinkingthroughouttheexerciseifyoucan
Suggestedtime Including1minuteof focusandthreeswitchesbetweenfocalpoints thepracticetakes6minutes
Benefits
ItstimulatestheopticnerveswhichpromptsthefunctionsofthepinealglandTheresultingbalancedlevelsofmelatonintendtoregulatemanybiorhythmsincludingthesleep-wakecycle
Ithelpsregulatestressbyinfluencingthefight-or-flightreactionandmodulatesthe
immunesystem
Itincreasesnervousstabilityremovesinsomniaandrelaxestheanxiousmind
Itimprovesthememoryandhelpstodevelopgoodconcentrationandstrongwillpower
Spirituallyitawakensajnachakra
Precautions
Alwaysavoidunnecessarystrain
Betolerantofdifferentexperiencessuchasseeingtwothumbsortwodistantfocalpointsmdashtheseexperienceschangewithtime
Contraindications
Thosesufferingfromglaucomashouldbesensitivetopainandmodifythepracticeasneededbyreducingthetimefocusingorthenumberofchangesbetweenfocalpoints
Many practitioners report falling asleep before completing a full round ofConcentrated Gazing With steady practice cosmic rhythms soothe the bodyhelping it remember when to sleep and when to stay awake The wisdom ofhealthy grieving lives more in the Spirit than in the mindWorking with thepineal gland is important for its connection with ajna chakra the third eyewhere we view life through awakened intuitive knowledge Our Spirit knowsthatthingsendandourbodiesareaccustomedtoprocessingendingsconstantlyyetitisourmindsthatwantthethingsweareattachedtotobewithusforever
ConcentratedGazingalsooffersasymbolicopportunity to takea lookathowwewant totransition through the next steps of our lives The two focal points one close and onedistant serve as symbols of the situations we go through when grievingWhen the oldrealityisnotthereanylongerandthenewoneisnotyetknownourcontrollingmindshavea hard time waiting The negative anticipatory thinking indicative of the limbic systemrsquosinvolvement ingriefmakesusperceivetheprojectednewrealitynegatively It fillsuswithideassuchasthinkingthatnoonewillloveusasmuchorthatnojobwilleversuitusinthesamewayThatmightbetrueorcompletelyfalseandwecanrsquotknowyetInthemeantimewe can only trust the journey and accept that changewill come Shifting focus from thethumbnail (our present situation) to the chosen distant point (the new reality to bediscovered)symbolizesthejourneyahead
DecidingonwhatcouldbethedistantfocalpointcanbeveryusefulindeterminingthenextstepsofthejourneyYoucanchooseapicturerepresentativeofhowyouwouldliketofeelinthefutureorthehouseyouwouldliketohaveorthejobyouwouldliketogetPlaceitinthedistancesowhenyouswitchtothatfocalpointyouareaddingintentionandmeaningtoyourpracticeDecidingwheretostartandwheretoend(with thedistantorclosefocalpoint)canaddstrengthtoyourabilitytomeetyourselfwhereyouareandtoyourprecisionindefiningyourfuture
Sometimes the eyesget tiredor strainedwhenpracticing this technique Ifthishappensrubthepalmsofyourhandstogetherthenbringthecuppedhandstoyoureyesandenjoythewarmthanddarknessthatcansoothethem
After acknowledging the reality of your loss identifyingwhere you are inthepresentmomentandbeginningtounderstandwhereyouwouldliketobeinthe futureyoucanpracticea technique thathelpsyoucontrolyour immediateenvironmentandeffectivelycalmsthemind
ControlIsSomehowPossibleOneoftherealitiesofgrief is that inmostcases thelosswasprobablyoutofourcontrolEvenwhenthelossistheresultofachoicethesubsequentsufferingisoftenunavoidableIfwehadcompletecontrolwewouldneverloseanythingnorwouldwechoosetosuffer
When confronting the challenges of grief themind and the body both gothrough symptoms thatmimic our discomfortwhen facedwith loss of control(difficultybreathingmuscletensionetc)Byactivelyengagingbothmindandbody through yoga exercises we can immediately bring back some sense ofcontrolintoourlivesOurmostimmediateconnectiontolifeisourbreathandbringingbalancetoitcanbeachievedbypracticingAlternate-NostrilBreathing
Alternate-NostrilBreathing(NadiShodhanaPranayama)
YoumaynotknowitbuttherightnostrilandtheleftnostrilrarelycarrythesameamountofairTrythissimpleexerciselickyourindexfingerinhaleandbringyourfingerclosetoyourrightnostrilwhileexhalingthenrepeatwiththeothernostrilWellUnlessyouareindeepbalanceatthistimeoneofthemcarriesmoreairthantheother
1 Sitinacomfortablepositionwiththeheadandspineuprightandtheleftarmbentoveryourbellysothattherightelbowcanrestontheleftforearm
2 HoldthefingersofyourrighthandinfrontofyourfaceResttheindexandmiddlefingersgentlyonthecenteroftheeyebrowsBothfingersshouldberelaxedPositionthethumbnexttotherightnostrilandtheringfingernexttotheleftnostrilThelittlefingershouldbecomfortablyfolded
3 Inhalethenclosetheleftnostrilwiththeringfingerandexhalethroughtherightnostril
4 Inhalethroughthesamerightnostril
5 Unblocktheleftnostrilandclosetherightonewiththethumb
6 Exhalethroughtheleftnostril
7 Inhalethroughthesamenostriltheleft
8 Unblocktherightnostrilandclosetheleftonewithyourringfinger
9 Exhalethroughtherightnostrilandinhalethroughthesamenostril
10 Continuethealternationonlychangingnostrilsaftertheinhalation
Suggested time5minutesofAlternate-NostrilBreathingplus5minutesofSingle-NostrilBreathingifdesired
Benefits
Itinducestranquilityclarityofthoughtandconcentration
Itincreasesvitalityandlowerslevelsofstressandanxietybybalancingtheflowoflifeforce
Itclearslifeforceblockagesandbalancestheflowinbothnostrils
Carbondioxideisefficientlyexpelledandthebloodispurifiedoftoxins
Itpromotesspiritualawakening
Precautions
Avoidforcingthebreath
Donotbreathethroughthemouth
SometimesonenostrilmaybeblockedpreventingtheeasyflowofbreathIftherightnostrilisblockedmakeafistwithyourlefthandandplaceitunderyourrightarmpitPressupagainsttheunderarmbringingyourrightarmdownContinuetopracticethiswayfor3minutesThenremovethehandRepeatfortheleftsideasnecessary
Contraindications
None
In yoga the right nostril relates to the sun masculinity activity givingdaytime extroversion social life partying The left relates to the moonfemininity passivity receiving nighttime introversion spiritual life restingWhen experiencing anxiety your right nostril is more engaged the oppositeoccurs when you are depressed or depletedmdashthe left nostril carries more airMaking the air go through both nostrils alternately brings your system into amorebalancedrelationshipbetweenyouractiveandpassiveaspectsoftheselfinfluencingthewayyouexperience thepresentsituation ItallowsthemindtocalmandtapintothealternationofallthingsThiscanhelpyoutrustthateventhoughyouarenowanxiousyouwilleventuallyrelaxandifyouaresadyouwilleventuallybehappyagain
The rightnostril also corresponds to the sympathetic energizingbranchofthe autonomic nervous system The left nostril is related to the relaxingparasympatheticbranchthatusuallyprevailswhenoneisgrievingBalancingtheactivity of these two aspects of your nervous system reestablishes the lost
equilibrium regulating your functions and balancing your reactions This isassuredlyamuchmorestablewaytorespondtoyournewenvironment
Practicingbreathingthroughasinglenostrilmdashprovidedthatitrsquosnotdoneformore than 5 minutesmdashcan bring surprising changes to your emotional stateenergizing you when yoursquore feeling depressed and calming you when yoursquorefeelinganxiousMentallyyoucangainamorepositiveperspectiveorcalmtheconstantchatterof thoughtswithAlternate-NostrilBreathingGiven thepowerofthistechniquethedirectiveofdoingamaximumof5minutesrsquoworkwithonenostrilistobetakenseriouslyPleaseknowthatexceeding5minutesrsquotimecanresult in difficulties negotiating the altered state and rebalancing your energyproperly
In general retaining the breath either in or out is another possiblemanipulationofthebreathwhenpracticingpranayamaOnapsychologicallevelithelpsusperceiveanddealwithtwooppositetypesofanxietiesretainingthein-breathrelatestotheanxietyweexperiencerelatedtolifetoitsfullnesstoitsintensityretainingtheout-breathrelatestoourfeelingsaboutdeathingeneraland particularly our own deathsWhile practicingAlternate-NostrilBreathingnotice if you are holding your breath at the end of the inhalation or theexhalationandseeifitrelatestoyourfeelings
Voluntarilymanipulatingtheactiveandpassivewithinyouhelpsyouacceptthat change is the norm that all things fluctuate and that change is possiblewithinyourselfNomatterwhereyouareinyourgrievingprocessyouwillnotbe in the same place in the future regardless of what things look like in thepresent moment Switching willingly from one nostril to the other andwitnessingthechangehelpsyourmindintegratethenewsituationaspartofyourever-changinglife
After witnessing the varying symptoms of grief and starting to use yourbreathtobringbackasenseofcontrolyouarenowreadytofullyrelax
BringingCalmtoaScatteredMindandaDistressedBody
GriefisstressfulThereforeastateofrelaxationiscrucialandyetthisstateisdifficulttoaccessmostofthetimeThestress-relievingeffectsofyogaaresomeofthemoststudiedfeaturesofthedisciplineandareveryusefulwhengrievingEven though any relaxation technique could work and would be good myintention in including a self-relaxation technique is to empower individuals to
use their ownmeans to relaxThe first lesson of loss is to not depend on thepermanenceof thingsmdashwhich iswhyanexternal sourceof relaxation suchassoothingmusicoraguidedrelaxationonaDVDwhilebeneficialwouldnotusethenewlyacquiredinformationtoourmaximumbenefit
Self-RelaxationTechnique(AngaShaithilya)
1 LieonyourbackwithyourpalmsfacingupBringyourawarenesstothebreathFindthenaturalrhythmofyourbreathbreathinginandoutslowlyandsteadilythroughthenostrils
2 Nowbringtheawarenesstoyourfeet
3 Inhaleexhale
4 InhaleexhalerepeatingtoyourselfsilentlyldquoMyfeetarerelaxedrdquo
5 Bringawarenesstoyourlegs
6 InhaleexhaleWhileexhalingrepeatsilentlytoyourselfldquoMylegsarerelaxedrdquo
7 Bringawarenesstoyourpelvis
8 InhaleexhaleWhileexhalingrepeatsilentlytoyourselfldquoMypelvisisrelaxedrdquo
9 ContinuethepracticebyrepeatingthesamepatternforHands
Arms
Shoulders
Back
Torso
Neck
Face
Head
Mind
10 EndbyrepeatinginternallyldquoIamcompletelyrelaxedrdquothreetimes
Suggestedtime10minutes
Benefits
Itrelaxesthebody
Ithelpsthemindrelax
Itcombatsthestressfuleffectsofgrief
Itreplenishesthegeneralenergylevelofthebodycombatingfatigue
Precautions
Doyourbesttomemorizethetwelvebodypartsincludedinthetechniquetoavoiddistractionswhilepracticingit
Contraindications
None
Using a technique that offers relaxation with deep detailed awareness ofoneself and that is grounded in the rhythm of the breath is a great way tointegrate other exercises of the practice in the relaxation Notice that thisexercise follows the samebodyorder as theEnergyFlowSeriesOpening thepracticewiththedirectivetostayconnectedwithyourbreathrhythmisanotherformofBreathMeditationTherepetitionofldquoMy___________isarerelaxedrdquoisnothingotherthantheactivepracticeofResolve(seethefollowingexercise)
Be prepared to hear the mind voicing statements such as ldquoI canrsquot relaxbecause Ihave to rememberwhatpart isnextrdquoTo remedy thismemorize thepartsbeforepracticingandyoucanavoidthisinterruptionThistechniquehelpswithmanyofthesymptomsofgriefincludingphysicalpainItgivesthebodyanopportunity to take a rest from the depleting hyperactive symptoms of theemotionalstressandreplenishitselfRelaxingthebodyalsohelpsthemindcalmdownandreducetheconstantmentalchatterallowingyoutofocusonplantingtheseedsofyournewlifethroughResolve
DissolvingOldPatternsandReprogrammingtheMindwithIntention
Yoga acknowledges the principle of pronoia a neologism coined by modernphilosophersexpressinganoldtruthItstatesthattheUniverseisconspiringinour highest good This is the polar opposite of paranoia which in essenceinvolvesthebeliefthattheUniverseisconspiringagainstus
Formostofhumanity thelatterconceptprevailsasanaccuratedescriptionof a world that is not at all supportive and comes after us loaded withjeopardizingintentionsYogarecognizesthisasfalseandmakesitclearthatthewholeprocessstartswithanideainourmindYogastatesldquoWecreatethemoldandthentheUniverseisinchargeoffillingituprdquo
Resolve(Sankalpa)
ThetranslationofthewordsankalpaisldquoresolverdquoorldquoresolutionrdquoItreferstotheapplicationofwillpowerthroughaconsciousdecision-makingprocessIttakestheformofashortmentalstatementwhichisimprintedbyrepetitiononthesubconsciousmindSankalpainfluencesthewaythingsaretohappenwithdeterminationandintention
Thestatementrepresentsamoldthatoncecreatedallowsfor theprovidentialpowersoftheUniversetohelpmanifestationoccurRememberyouaretheonlyoneactuallycapableofmakingyourownmoldThewordsankalpareferstoboththenameofthetechniqueaswellasthecontentofthestatementitself
1 Thinkoftheperfectwayinwhichyouwantanintentiontomanifestandthenstateitinasuccinctphrasethat
isexpressedinpresenttense
avoidsusingthewordldquonordquoortermsthatexpressnegativeconceptsForexampleldquoIwillnotbesinglerdquoshouldbereplacedwithldquoIammarriedrdquo
2 SitcomfortablywithyourhandsonyourkneesBreathenormallyacknowledginganyoutsidethoughtthatarisesandletitgoInhalethenontheexhalesayyourstatementtoyourselfbeingfullypresentwitheachindividualwordofthestatement(Youmaypauseaftereachword)
3 TakeadeepbreathandmovetothenextrepetitionWithyoureyesclosedcontinuerepeatingyourstatementThenbreatheinandoutoncewithoutrepeatingthestatementWhendoneopenyoureyes
Suggestednumberofrepetitions3times
TheconceptthistechniquereferstoisinthecoreoftheoldsayingldquoAskandyeshallbegivenrdquotowhichIrsquodliketoaddldquoifitisintheorderofthingsrdquoWhy
ManypeopleaskforthingsthatarenotwithintheUniversalorderandthenblamethesystemratherthanacknowledgingthattheirignoranceoftheorderistherealreasonthingsdidnotmanifestByldquotheorderrdquoImeanthesystematicandpreciseway inwhich thingswork in theUniverseand that is reflected insuchtruthsasldquoNothing ispermanentrdquoAll thingsend regardlessofwhetherwearethinking of a vase a day or a thought Without this acknowledgment whenasking for something to remain themechanism sparked by sankalpa will notworkandtheUniversewillnotsupportourpetitionIfIrsquomfifty-fourIcanaskforldquoyouthfulfiftiesrdquobutIcanrsquotasktobefifteenagainmdashitsimplywonrsquothappen
Byclearlyidentifyingwhattoaskforandhowtophraseitweengageinasimplewayofjump-startingtheprocessofmanifestationEventhoughmostofushavewantsitissurprisinglyhardforpeopletoactuallyexpresstheirwishesinanexactwayInmyyearsofusingResolveIhavehadtoworkdiligentlytohelp individuals identifywhat theywantbyspendinghourssorting throughallkindsofmisunderstandingsoldprogrammingandstalebeliefs
Prior to identifyingwhat wewant we usually namewhat we donrsquot wantwhat we fear why we should not want it and so forth This means that ourmindsareabsolutelyfullofalltheseotherconsiderationsandinthemeantimetheUniverseisbusyfillingupthecorrespondingmoldsasitcompetentlydoes
Thisiswhywemanifestwhatwefearandthisisalsohowwemanifestwhatwe donrsquotwantAs youmight know ldquoYou can never get enough ofwhat youreallydonrsquotwantrdquoIfyourmentalprogrammingmdashandcreatedmoldmdashisldquoIrsquomnotgoingtoget that jobrdquoorldquoIrsquodlovetoget that jobbut therearesomanyotherswho are better preparedrdquo then the Universe will accommodate you with anopportunity of losing that job It might seem like an extremely minusculesemanticdeviationbuttheconsequencesresultingfromsuchmisunderstandingsare also extremely clear (See the sidebar that follows ldquoAiding the PracticeThroughJournalingrdquoforaneffectiveapproachtonamingwhatwewant)
TosayldquoIamnotunhappyrdquoisverydifferentfromsayingldquoIamhappyrdquoandbelieveme theUniverse is listeningpreciselyTounderstandwhyprecision isimportantletmesharewithyouanoldstoryfromIndia
AidingthePracticeThroughJournaling
As a simple exercise think about what you want and write yourstatementdescribingitthencontinuetowritedowneachmodificationof the statement as you develop it Make no judgments write no
ldquoshouldsrdquomdashjust write what comes up You will probably see apathway amental roadmap that you have been following thatwillrevealyourmisconceptionsKeepinmindthatwhenyouarriveattheldquorightrdquo statement a subtle ldquoeye-smilerdquo appears a slightwidening ofyour forehead accompanied by a sense of ldquoEurekaThis is itrdquoThatfeelingisclearlyidentifiablenoquestionsaskednodoubtsaboutitmdashit is resonating inside of you as accurate Until that ahamoment ofrecognitionkeepworkingonyourauthenticexpressionyourpersonalResolve Know that you are actually working on your innermostwishesandthatyouareultimatelydeterminingyourfuture
After you have come up with your statement and you arepracticingrepeatingitIsuggestyoualsojournaltheinternalresponsesandconsiderationsyourmindcomesupwithItisnormaltolistentotheinternalvoicechallengingyourstatementswithphrasesthatdenotethe adverse reality the one you are trying to modify Since themanifestation process is happening regardless if the statement is ldquoIhaveapartnerrdquo and themindcomesupwith ldquoYouare lyingnoonewouldloveyourdquotheideamoldreadytobefilledupisthelatterYoumaydiscoverthatwhatrsquoswrittenactuallyrevealsyourpresentmentalprogrammingthatyouarereallynotworthloving
Byattendingtoyourbodycalmingyourmindandexploring thenatureofyourdesiresonadeeperlevelyouarenowtrulyreadytogowithin to practiceBreathMeditation and leave everything up to theUniverse
AcouplebothagesixtyandstillmarriedafterfortyyearsfindagenielampWhentheyrubitthegenieappearsandcomestolifeThegeniespeaksldquoLadyyourwishesshallbegrantedWhatwouldyoulikerdquo
ldquoIwantenoughmoneytogoaroundtheworldtwicewithmyhusbandrdquothewoman responds In an instant the geniemanifests a briefcase full of enoughmoneyforthebothofthemtogoaroundtheworldtwice
ThegeniethenturnstothegentlemanandsaysldquoSiryourwishestooshallbegrantedWhatwouldyoulikerdquo
ldquoIrsquod like to have a wife thirty years younger than merdquo replies theopportunistThegeniethenrespondsbyturningthemanintoaninety-year-old
Thelessonofthisstoryistobeveryclearandprecisewhenaskingforwhatyou want otherwise you may end up getting what you really donrsquot want
Resolve is the mechanism that kick-starts the process of manifestationThoughtfully identifying and defining an idea can and will act as a guidingprinciple a lighthouse in the darkness of your emotional storm Then youractionsthoughtsandspeechcanaimintheproperdirectionandstartbringingtofruitionwhatuntilnowhaslivedonlywithintherealmofyourwishes
OpeningtoSpiritThismeditationtechniquecanbeseenasthesimplestofallbreathingexercisesthebasisofallourworkBesidesthespiritualbenefitsandeffectsstayingwithyourownbreathisapowerfulwayofbeingpresentandindeepconnectionwithyourlifenotdrawninbythepastorcontemplatingthefuture
BreathMeditation
1 Sitinacomfortablepositionwiththespinestraightandthehandsrestingonyourkneeswiththepalmsfacingupward
2 Staystill
3 BringawarenesstoyourbreathFeeltheairgoinginandoutsoftlythroughyournostrils
4 Remainpresentforeachinhalationandeachexhalation
5 AstheminddriftsoffbringitbacktoyourbreathAsifyouareplacingpaperboatsonastreamofwaterplacethedistractingthoughtsintheoutgoingstreamoftheexhalation
6 Remainconcentratedonyourbreathandonlyonyourbreathexhalingeachdistractingthought
Suggestedtime5to10minutes
AlthoughitisanextremelysimpletechniquetheexecutioncanprovetobequitedifficultYourabilitytoremainconcentratedonthebreathispermanentlychallengedbyyourveryactivebodyandunstoppablemindYoucanstartfullofintentionandfindyourselfoutonalimbafteronlyafewbreathcycles
Fortunatelyyourbreathisconstantandyourneedtotakethenextin-breathisunavoidablesobringingthemindbacktothebreathisrelativelysimpleKeepcomingbacktothebreathwithtimeyoursquollseethatyourdeparturesarescarcerandthatasyoustaywithyourbreathacertainsenseofcalmnessandfulfillmentappears
You are now developing the skill to stay present with yourself to keepyourself company and bring ease when feeling abandoned Irsquove stated beforethat when grieving you should focus first on the Spirit because the body is
profoundlyengagedin its reactionandthemindisshatteredandscatteredForthis reason meditation and its ability to help you connect with your Spiritbecome a key element of the practice Thoughmeditation can be challengingwhenyouareexperiencingacutegriefitisanactivitythatwillgentlyleadyoutothesourceofknowledgeyouintendtotapinto
Now that you have read how to perform each practice and understandgenerallyhowthetechniquesservetoallaysomeofthesymptomsofgriefyouprobablywant to get started and figure out how to incorporate these practicesinto your life There are some important questions to ponder as you start tointegratesomeoftheseexercisesintoapersonalpractice
The next chapter considers what exercises you should include howmuchtime you should spend practicingwhether you should practice by yourself orseek help how long you should practice and other practical detailsWhetheryouareanexperiencedyogapractitionerorjuststartingoutwhetheryouhavejust begun to cope with some of your grief symptoms or at the end of theprocess the next chapter will help you to integrate the techniques into yourpersonalpractice
Chapter5
DesigningtheLogisticalAspectsofYourPractice
There is a famous quote usually attributed to the great German philosopherJohannWolfgangvonGoethe(1749ndash1832)
ldquoUntil one is committed there is hesitancy the chance to draw backConcerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementarytruth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plansthatthemomentonedefinitelycommitsoneselfthenProvidencemovestooAllsortsofthingsoccurtohelponethatwouldneverotherwisehaveoccurredAwhole streamofevents issues from thedecision raising inonersquosfavorallmannerofunforeseenincidentsandmeetingsandmaterialassistancewhichnomancouldhavedreamedwouldhavecomehiswayWhatever you cando or dreamyou cando begin it Boldness hasgeniuspowerandmagicinitrdquo(emphasisadded)
What a beautiful way of presenting the universal principle of pronoia Itexplains the mechanism of manifestation and emphasizes a key aspect tocommit towhatwewantThe resultingactionsactuallyhelp thebrain reshapeitselfthisisneuroplasticityatitsbestThroughthefruitsofourcommitmentwecanestablishnewneuronalconnectionsthatwill leadusnottowherewethinkweshouldbeorwherewedonrsquotdesiretobebutwherewetrulywanttobe
As you now ponder how to implement the techniques I shared in theprevious chapter and embark on your personal practice I ldquore-mindrdquo you thatyourcommitmentisessentialByacceptingyourlimitationsandneedsyouareactually making your commitment feasible Be realistic commit to what youcananddoit
SettingtheIntentionTherearetwophilosophicalconceptsfoundinTheYogaSutrasofPatanjalithatcanbetranslatedasldquopracticerdquoThefirstoneabhyasareferstoamoregeneral
all-encompassing method of practice that involves lifestyle choices thoughtsspeech and actions Abhyasa brings us greater tranquility or peace of mindSadhana thesecondconceptcanalsobedefinedaspracticebut itpertainstothe actual techniques or exercises that are performed on a regular basis toachieve an overall enhancement ofwell-being Taken together these conceptscanhelpusunderstandwhatitmeanstotrulypracticeyoga
As you begin to apply the traditionalmovements breathing exercises andcleansingtechniquessettingasideanhourahalfhourorwhatevertimeyoucandedicatetoestablishingaregularpracticeyoumayrealizethateachbreathcanbe an opportunity for transformation My hope is that as you integrate thesetechniquesintoyourdailylifeyourlifeitselfbecomesthepractice
ShouldYouPracticeAloneorUnderGuidanceJustasyouareasolitarybeinginthemidstofacrowdedcitystreetpracticeispersonalregardlessofhowmanymorearepracticingwithyouInancienttimespracticing yoga based on a book like the one you are reading without livecontactwithateachermasterorguruwasunthinkableEventhoughyogawascommonlypasseddownwithinthecontextofthefamilyfromonegenerationtothe next there is an essential trinity thought to lead to a successful spiritualjourney It includes the individual (you)GodorSpirit and thegurumdashtheonewholeadsthewayafterhavingwalkedithimselfmanytimesbefore
IntodayrsquosworldpeoplemaypracticethroughtheguidanceofabookorbyfollowinginstructionsprovidedonaDVDorahow-tovideoontheInternetItisan essential principle inyoga therapy that the interactionwith a therapistwhocanmonitorthestudentrsquospracticeisanimportantaspectaddingstrengthtothetechniquesandensuringsafetyfortheYogapractitioner
Grief is so powerful that in working with the dynamics activated by theYoga techniques itwould be advisable to seek out a qualified professional atfirst By ldquoqualifiedrdquo I mean either a yoga therapist well versed in griefcounselingoragriefcounseloror therapistknowledgeableaboutyogaand itsuseinthetherapeuticprocessBecauseyogahasbeenembracedbyanumberofprofessionals in recent years other therapists such as social workers hospicenurseschaplainsandotherswhoworkwithgrief-related issuescanbe trustedsources for guiding you through this work Even a financial adviser whounderstandsaboutthephysicalsymptomsofgriefandhowtoaddressthemcanmean the difference between wealth and poverty when for example dealingwithfinancesafteradivorceSuchatherapistmdashwhileencouragingastudentto
practiceathomeencounteringtheldquoteacherwithinrdquomdashwouldalsohelphimorhernavigatethedifficultemotionsencounteredinthegrievingprocess
Yoga practice can be a very subjective experience often having differentresults indifferentsettingsShouldyoudecidetodothepracticeonyourownwithoutprofessionalguidanceremembertobesensitiveandrespectfulofyourneedsandabilitiesMonitor theeffectsof the techniques soyoucanuse themappropriately when needed Tune into the results charting them as a validindicatorofthedevelopmentofyourprocess
IsItBettertoPracticeIndividuallyorinaGroupWhile all yoga is therapeutic yoga therapy thrives on personal individualizedpracticeespeciallyat thebeginningstagesof the therapeuticprocessWorkingwith a qualified therapist familiar with integrating yoga as part of his or hertoolbox is wholeheartedly advised Either in a group setting provided such agroupisavailableinyourcommunityorprivatelychoosewhicheverbettersuitsyourneeds
Workingindividuallyprovidesfocusedattentiontotreatmentoffersinputonadapting your practice to meet specific needs and avoids interference fromothersinaclassOntheotherhandpracticinginagroupallowsyoutowitnessotherbereavedindividualsgrieveinwaysthatmaybebothprofoundlydifferentandstrikinglysimilartoyoursCombatingthetendencytoisolatethisaspectofsocialization can help normalize your relationship to your own grief whileofferingasupportnetwork
InmyYoga forGrief Relief groups all three aspects commonly found intraditional grief support groups are included education support and socialnetworking Education serves the purpose of normalizing grief by sharinggeneralinformationregardingthegrievingprocessWealsolookathowgriefisaddressed in different cultures and time periods Support is establishedwithinthe environment the group provides It encourages authentic communicationregardingourgriefandserves tomodelhealthy interactions tobereplicated inthe outside world The social networking aspect encourages positive personalinteractions that increasewell-being for those of us listening aswell as thosesharingWhenoneisfeelingdepletedandwithoutmuchtogivelendinganeartothoseexpressingtheirgriefcanbeanempoweringexperience
IsItSafetoDoThisPracticebyYourself
MostofthetechniquescanbepracticedsafelyonyourownprovidedyoureadthesectionsdedicatedtocontraindicationsPleaseidentifyanypresentconditionthat may require caution when you practice the exercises This makes atremendousdifferencebetweenan exercisebenefitingyouorbeingharmful toyou
ThatsaidtheWindmillistheoneexerciseforwhichdiscretionmustbeusedwhen practicing alone TheWindmill is a key technique of the program andalthough the slow version is safe for most individuals the semifast and fastversions of the Windmill quickly access deeply held emotions and buriedphysical feelings I suggest that a competent professional trained in thisworkshould monitor both the practice itself as well as the outcomes If you areworkingwithayoga-savvycounselor thenyour therapyprovidesanoutlet forsharing your experience after practicing at home The Windmill is the mostactiveexerciseandtheonebestabletobringstrongfeelingstothesurfaceTheemotionselicitedduringthegrievingprocessare therawmaterialsyouusefortransformation
Someofyoumighthaveanexistingpersonalyogapracticeandwanttoaddsome of my recommended techniques to your routine Although this cancertainlybeeffectivekeepinmindthatthetruestbenefitsofthisprogramoccurwhenpracticedsequentiallyinitsentiretyByexperiencingtheroutinefullyyoucantheneffectivelyassesswhattoaddtoyourpracticeandwhyIfyouchoosetoembarkonasolopractice thenyouneed toconsidersomeof thefollowingimportantlogisticaldetails
WhichExercisesAreBestforMeWhethertoperformtheentirepracticeorpartsofitdependsonwhatyouwouldlike to accomplish howmuch time you have and howmuch knowledge youpossess of yoga and of yourself The entire practice can be accomplished inninety minutes and is inherently balanced covering issues that most grievingindividualsneed
CompleteBreathingpreparesyourmindandbodyfor themagnitudeof thegrievingprocesstheEnergyFlowSeriescreatestheconditionsforhealinganddrawsyourawarenesswithintheWindmillbringsfeelingsandsensationstothesurface sparking the process of transforming your grief into a source of self-knowledge Attitude of Discharging offers an outlet for the raw availableemotions Concentrated Gazing promotes mental focus to restore the normalcircadian rhythms while Alternate-Nostril Breathing offers breath control to
effectivelybringbalanceandcalmtoyourmindTheSelf-RelaxationTechniquehelps decrease the stressful effects of grief allowing optimal conditions forreprogramming your mind through Resolve which uses the newly acquiredknowledgetobegintoconstructanewidentityFinallyyouarereadytositstillinmeditationtodeepentheconnectionwithyourSpirit
Practicing the entire sequence offers you the exponential effect of thecombinedbenefitsofthetechniquesYetyoumaybebetteroffpracticingonlycertainpartsasyoubegintofamiliarizeyourselfwiththeworkMakesureyoucheckwithyourphysicianbeforeengaginginpracticekeepinmindthatyogatherapyisnotasubstituteformedicalattention
Becomingfamiliarwitheachtechniqueanditseffectsonyougivesyoutheconfidence to choose which one works for what is troubling you Again Ireiterateyourmindisbestaddressedthroughbreathworkyourbodyishelpedmost by physical postures and your Spirit thrives with meditation YogatechniquesinfluenceallthreeaspectsofyourbeingYoucanchoosefromeachrealm and come up with a combination that best suits your personal journeyTrustyourinstinctandinnerwisdomtoguideyou
WhereShouldIPracticeWhile it is true thatyogaisbestpracticedinacleanandcalmenvironmentatleast twohoursafteryour lastmealwearingcomfortableclothes far from thechaosoftheworldforatleastninetyminutestheseperfectconditionsarerarelymetThemaincriteria forunderstandinghow toengage in thepractice shouldalways be ldquotomeet yourself exactlywhere you arerdquoYou can then figure outwhichexercisestopracticewheretosituateyourselfwhentopracticeandhowmuchtimeyoucansetasidetopractice
Ifyoudonrsquothavea roomdedicated forpractice thenmovesomefurniturearound tocreatea suitablespaceandbring inanyobjectsor images thathelpyouconnectwithyourintentionThisprocessexemplifieslocatinganewspaceinsideofyourselfSometimeswhenwefeelldquoallovertheplacerdquoinourmindjustcleaning and reorganizing our house starts to positively affect our emotionalintegrationOrderingourimmediatesurroundingsoftenhelpstocalmdowntheinternaldisarrayCandles incense soothingmusic and low lightmayprovideyou with supportive harmonizing associations to make your practice moremeaningful
BeflexibleregardingwhereyoupracticeallowingforvariationsaccordingtoyourlifersquoscircumstancesForexampleifyouareinterviewingforajobthat
couldeasepressingeconomicneedsthenpracticesomecalmingbreathworkinthewaitingroomIfyoufindyourselfstrugglingwithroadragepulloverstopthecarandpracticeLeft-NostrilBreathingThengetbackontheroadwhenyouarecalmandhavelostsightofthatannoyingtailgatermdashyoudonrsquotwanttolosecontrolandcauseyourselfmoregrief
SometimesitisgoodtoenhanceyourpracticebybeingoutdoorsconnectingwithnatureandbringinginasenseofexpansionConverselyifdoingthisseemstoo vulnerably open and distracting and lacks the intimacy you need thenpracticewhereyoucanmoreeasilyaccomplishtheresultsyouareafter
WhenShouldIPracticeStarting thedaywith an extendedpractice deliciouslydedicated tooneself isnotaluxuryweallhaveFeelfreetodowhatyoucaninthemorningthenaddorrepeatsomethinginthemiddleofthedayandthenpracticebeforegoingtobed
TheEnergyFlowSeriesisagreatwaytobothstartandendthedayInthemorning it feels energizing and at night calming preparing you for a goodnightrsquos sleep TheWindmill practicewill elevate the general tone of your lifeforceenergyinthemorningTheAttitudeofDischargingexercisewillhelpyoudischargesomeof theextra tensionaccumulatedduring theday ifdone in thelateafternoonAlternate-NostrilBreathingisagreatmiddaypracticethatbringsbalance to your wildly fluctuating emotions Concentrated Gazing worksefficientlytoputyoutosleepatnightand ifusedinthemorning itresetstheendocrine systemdecreasingmoodswings (Thismaybeespecially importantfor women during bereavement to stabilize and reestablish balance in theirendocrine system and counteract the common disturbances grief imposes ontheir normal menstrual cycle) Choosing the right time to practice helps youadjusttoyournewenvironmentmoreskillfullyandhelpstoprepareyouforthemultitudeofchangesandnewconditionsinyourlifeFromyourfirstin-breathwhen you are born to your last out-breath at the moment of death the timeelapsedisallyoursThedecisionsyoumakeregardinghowtospendthat timeare also yours Use your practice time wisely so it reflects your sense ofownershipofyourtimeandyourrespectforit
ForHowLongShouldIPracticeFinallyintermsofhowlongtopracticeeachtechniqueorhowlongyouroverall
practice should be letme just say this something is better than nothingOursystemsreacttoallwedoandallwethinksodowhatyoucanItistruethatforbestresultsAlternate-NostrilBreathingshouldbepracticedfornolessthanfiveminutes yet a minute alone would also do some work A minimum of threerepetitionsisbetterwhenpracticingtheEnergyFlowSeriesbutonerepetitionalsohasbenefitsWhatisoptimalistousewhatevertimeyoumighthavejustkeepinmindthatthemoreyoupracticethedeepertheeffectswillbe
AnexceptionshouldbemadewithSingle-NostrilBreathingPracticing formore thanfiveminutescanrenderstrongereffects thanyoumaydesireWhenpracticing Left-Nostril Breathing for example you want to feel calmer notdepletedItisokaytopracticeformorethanfiveminutesifneededjustmakesureyoubreakitdownwithaminuteortwoofAlternate-NostrilBreathing
Thesadhanapracticemdashinitsentiretyandfollowingtheguidelinesproposedfor each technique in chapter 4mdashshould take approximately ninety minutesPleaserememberthataccordingtothevariationsandmodificationsyouneedtomakeyourpracticetimewillvarySupplementarytechniquessuchasjournalingandothersofferedinchapter6willalsoalteryourpersonalpracticetime
BecomingfamiliarwiththetechniqueswillallowyoutoknowmoreeasilywhattocalluponandwhenWithregularpracticetheeffectsofthetechniqueswillcomealiveinyouandwillevenhelpyouchoosewhattopracticeandwhenBe sensitive to the daily fluctuations in your actual ability to engage in thetechniquesIfyouspentahalfhourdoingpawanmuktasanayesterdayandyourmusclesaresoretodayreducethetimeandintensityoftheexercisetowhatyoucantolerate
YourPracticeChangesasYouDoPleasebeopentothefactthatyouareundergoingconstantchangeandthereforeyour practice must shift as well to reflect your new needs and abilities Thegrieving process and the tasks ofmourning are not linear your grief changesyourpracticeandyourpracticechangesyourgriefThere iswisdom in lettingyour practice reflect your state of being and adapting it accordingly Thewayyou practice is theway you livewhat you practice now shapes your lifeBemindful of addressing your practicewith the same grace and dignity that youwantforyourself
Perhapsitisaccuratetosaythatyoudidnotsignupforbeingwhereyouarenow andyet hereyouarePractice jump-starts theprocessof transformationSeeyourselffunctioningasthebestoperatorofthesetoolsbyaskingwhatyou
want toaccomplish listening toyourvoicehearingyourbodyrsquosexpressionofits innate wisdom and sensing what you need to do for yourself todaymdashdosomethingtocommittowhatyouwant
Chapter6
TheProcessofTransformation
LynPrashant the founderof IntegrativeGriefTherapy states thatldquowedonrsquotgetoverourlosseswechangerelationshiptothemrdquoAndsheaddsthatldquogriefisour most available untapped emotional resource for personal transformationrdquo(2005)Iwholeheartedlyagreewithher
WhilehonoringourpersonallossesandmourningtherelationshipthatoncewasthetransformationthatwearetalkingaboutinessenceisourownAswebegin to witness the appearance of our new self we slowly recognize thecumulativeeffectsofourdeeptransformativeworkWearenowactuallylookingatourselvesandtheworldaroundusfromanewperspective
This book demonstrates the inner workings of the grieving process IprovidedthespecifictechniquesforthepracticeofstayingpresentandthereforeavailabletotransformyourgriefandencounteritsstrongemotionsthatfiercelychallengeyouThetoolsarenowatyourfingertipswithfocusedawarenessyoumay methodically turn some of the seminal questions yoursquove been askingyourselfintoconcreteactions
ThroughdealingwiththesufferingthatisinherentduringthegriefjourneywehaveanopportunitytouncoverourowntruenatureGriefworkisultimatelyaboutchallengingyourassumptionsaboutlifeldquoWhoamIwithoutherWheredoIgoafterlosingmyhomeWhoamInowthatIrsquovebeenfiredfrommyjobWhatdoesitmeanthatIrsquomstillherenowandheisgonerdquo
In themidst of sorrow the blossoming of a new identitymaymeanmanydifferentthingstoyouOnceyouarenolongergrippedbytheoldattachmentsyoubecome free to explore thedeepestpartsofyourselfAsyouaskyourselfwhatyoudoanddonotneedgriefbecomestheuncannygatewaytohelpgainthetrueknowledgeofself
FindingaNewIdentityAfterLossIdentityconsistsmainlyofourperceptionsofourselvesbasedonthepeopleandthingsweareattachedtoWhenwelosethemwelosepartofwhoweareAndyetlifecontinuesRememberthefeelingsuponwakingupintheimmediatedaysandweeks following a profoundly huge loss The bodymoving in a robotic
way fighting against the lethargy of a tiredmind eyes barely open two feetwalkingtothebathroomoutofnecessity
ThinkofthebodythemastersurvivormaintaininglifewiththeaudacitytocontinuedoingwhatitdoesDespiteourdespairdespiteourdoubtstheamazingintelligence of our body is a powerful testament to the continuation of ourexistence
Imagineakitchenwhereyoursquovecookedforthepasttwentyyearsonewithno ventilation just tiny windows and a stove with slow inefficient electricburners One day the kitchen burns to the ground Because you are hungrybecauseyourbodyneeds fuelyouneed tocontinuecookingPerhapsyoucanimproviseandcookmealstemporarilyinthelivingroomormanageforawhileonanoutdoorgrillbuttheneedforanindoorkitchenispainfullyapparentsoyoumustrebuildit
IsthenewkitchengoingtohaveventilationornotBigorsmallwindowsSlowelectricburnersorquickandefficientgasburnersInordertodefinethesedetailsyouneedtoquestionyourrealneedsanddesireslikesanddislikes
After all you have cooked in that kitchen for years and are familiar withevery detail every nook and cranny The memories of that kitchen may beoverwhelmingly powerful to you but now it is time to start imagining a newmoremodernversionthatwillserveyournewneeds
Needsshift frombasic survival instincts to thoseofa fullermorespiritualvisionofourlifeInterestinglymanyofuswillgravitatetothefamiliardesignoftheoldkitchenButgiventimeforreflectionnewideasandimageswillstarttoemerge thathelpuscomecloser towhowereallyareandwhowewant tobecome
ManyofusidentifywhowearethroughourhomesSometimesthehomeisthought of as an extension of our physical bodies something important toconsider when working with grief Identity is formed through what the bodylearnsfromitsenvironmentThefollowingtwoexamplesillustratethat
Sinceathree-year-oldcannotbuyacarrentahomeorfindajobthechildmustrelyentirelyonanadultcaregiver In thiscase thefatherconstantlyputsdownthethree-year-oldwhenheperformswellButcomplyingwithhisfatherrsquosexpectations can be the difference between life and death Consequently thechildlearnseithertobecomeanunderachieverortohidehisachievementssoasnottoupsethisfather
The survival mechanism that informs the mind is deeply rooted in thewisdomof the bodymaintaining life at all costs Putting our fingers in a live
electricsocketoncegivesthebodyenoughinformationtoavoidgettingshockedagain The body has excellent cellular memory and keeps that survivalmechanism alive Even years later while fixing a malfunctioning socket andknowingthepowerisoffyourbodystillalertsyouinternallywithcautionsignswarningofdanger
When defining ourselves after loss it is very common to repeat oldmechanisms perform the same learned behaviors and chant the same innermonologuebecausethatishowwelearnedtosurviveRepeatingthesebehaviorsgrants us renewed suffering simply because our actions are antiquated and nolongermatchourpresentreality
Wemust revisit the situationwith new eyes identifying our present needsandusingournewlyacquiredskillsmdashtheoneslackingduringtheearlyformativeyears Although old habits are difficult to change respecting their power canactually be life affirmingWecan see them in action and recognize themas asign of the amazing intelligence of our bodiesWitnessing our broken heartrsquosstruggletocopewiththepainoflossandmanagetheaccompanyingsymptomsofconfusionanddisorganizedthinkingisquiteremarkable
Isnrsquot it a superbly opportune time to reimagine a new designwhenwe nolongerhavetheoldkitchenandyetourneedforthefoodthatrsquoscookedinitisasrealasthefirethatconsumeditThisistheopportunityhiddeninthegriefweexperienceThisisthetransformativejourneyIrsquomtalkingabouttheprocessthatcan take us from the void of devastation after loss to the fullness of aconsciouslylivedlife
HowCantheTransformationBeAccomplishedMy opinion is that the journey of discovery is threefold Addressing thesymptoms of our grief constitutes the first step The second involves fullytransitingthegrievingprocessandachievinghealthyresolutionwithitThethirdentails reidentification based on our most intimate spiritual self Having beenstrippedofourpreviousidentitylayingbaretherealcoreofwhowearewearenowinvitedtoapproachthedeepestpartsofourselves
These three portions of the process of transformation are linked but notlinear simultaneously our awareness can shift aswe sense some relief of ourimmediatesymptomsItisimportanttorememberingriefworkthatanyspecificactions taken towardaccomplishing resolutioncanbe repeatedand revisitedatanypointwithrenewedmeaning
The information you need comes as a result of your work and efforts tounderstandandrelatetotheexperienceathandThisprocessinvolvesobservingyour motivations behaviors and feelings This book and the techniquesproposedaredesignedtosupportyouintheprocessoftransformingyourgriefofferingpracticeasthefoundationfortheworkUsingthetoolsyoulearnedinchapter4youcanreapthebenefitsyouareafterNowletrsquostakealookathoweachpartoftheprocessoftransformationworks
TheFirstPartAddressingtheSymptoms
HowdoesaddressingyoursymptomshelptransformgriefImagineyourselfperchedon a rolling hillwaiting to take in a beautiful sunsetwith somedearfriendswhenallofasuddenyouareafflictedwithaterribletoothacheEvenifyou are surroundedby love and support in the presentmoment all you reallywantistostopthepainyouneedadentist
Itisquiteremarkablehowenticedbythepresumptionofthepermanenceofthebodyrsquosvigorandendurancewetakeourownhealthforgranted
Abalancedbodyenhancesyourability to transformgriefWhen the rug ispulledout fromunderneathyoushakingyour foundationand threateningyourstability you can enter into a conversation with the body that will ultimatelyformthebasisofyournewidentityToregainpresencefortheprocessyoumustaddressthedifferentsymptomsparticularlythephysicalones
TheexercisescontainedintheprogramcanhelptakecareofthefirstpartoftheprocessbybringingthesymptomstoalevelofrelativecontrolBypracticingbreathworkyoubecomemorepresentandawareandcanhelp reestablish thenormalrhythmsofthebodyfindingwaysofcontrollingyourmentalstatesandultimatelyyournewreality
PracticingtheEnergyFlowSeriesassuresthepropercirculationoflifeforceavoidingblockagesandfacilitatingfreemovementofconsciousnesswithinbodyandmindThedifferentasanashelpgetridofthetoxicchemicalbyproductsofpain and activate parts of the body where emotional issues tend to promotetensionandstiffnessThespecificactionsperformedintheWindmillbringyourfeelingsto thesurfaceofyourawarenessallowingyoutowitnessandidentifythem and ultimately to better understand how grief manifests in the bodyAttitudeofDischargingofferstheincreasedchargeoffeelingsandsensationsofgriefawayoutConcentratedGazingpromotesbalanceandbettersleep
TheSelf-RelaxationTechniquehelpscombatthestressfuleffectsofgriefanddiminishesgeneraltensioninthebodyguidingyouhometoyournormalsleepcycle Resolve resets the mind so the body can manifest your deepest innerwisheswhileBreathMeditationoffersthecalmstillnessofbodyandmindthatallowstheSpirittoemergemoreclearly
AllpartsoftheYogaforGriefReliefsadhanapreparethebodyandthemindfortheunderstandingofSpiritwhichasIrsquovestatedbeforeisthetruesourceforthefacilitationofgrief
TheSecondPartFacilitatingGrief
Facilitating grief implies making the experience of bereavement moremanageable by following a roadmap such as the one proposed by JWilliamWordeninhisFourTasksofMourning(2009)Employingtheprinciplesofyogacan assist in accomplishing those Letrsquos take a look at some additionalguidelines
Give yourself permission to grieve Some people have a hard timeaccepting thatgrieving isappropriateThereasonsfor these thoughtsareoftenpreconceived ideas about what to expose to others or how much time isacceptable to grievePersonal difficulties such as the fear of beingdefinedbygrief the possibility of feelingworse or the chance youmight trigger othersrsquogriefoftenpreventindividualsfromgrieving
If you care for grieving individuals and provide support space andresourcesdoyoudothesameforyourselfWhenflyingonanairplaneyouaredirected to put your oxygen mask on first in case of an emergency beforehelpingothersItismuchthesameinthegrievingprocessmdashifyougiveyourselfthepermissiontogrievefirstyoucanthenhelpothers
ProvideyourselfwiththetimeyouneedtogrieveInthecorporateworldemployeesaretypicallygivena72-hourldquowindowrdquoinwhichtogrieveAlthoughthereisnoofficialtimesettocompleteourgrievingprocessourmindstendtodictatethatafteroneyearhaselapsedldquoIshouldbedonewithmygriefrdquoSocietalexpectations coupledwith thepressureweputonourselves to resumenormalliving promote the belief that things will be much better in a yearUnfortunately this unrealistic expectation is not only misleading it is alsocounterproductivetomaintainingasenseofhope
ForsomeofusthesecondyearofgriefisevenmoredifficultthanthefirstI
encourage tolerance in allowing the time needed for working well with thecomplex grief experience That permission alone is very important In thenormalcourseofbereavement as timegoesonourgrief frequentlyexpressesitselfasaSuddenTemporaryUpsurgeofGrief(STUGRando1993)sometimesrelatedtoandprovokedbycurrentlifesituationsothertimesshowingupoutoftheblueSTUGscanprovideuswithareflectionofwhereweareinrelationtoourowngriefHowfastweovercomeithowdeepourfeelingsarefeltandhowmuchourbodiesareinvolvedareallindicativeoftheskillswehavedevelopedofthenewpiecesofinformationwehaveunveiledaboutourselves
It is necessary to mention that a prolonged time of coping with thedisruptions of bereavement may be a marker for complicated grief thusrequiring specific interventions All factors need to be taken into account toproperlyassesshowandwhereweareintheverypersonaljourneyofgrief
PracticeactivelisteningwithyourselfHaveyoueverhad theexperienceofsomeonerepeatingbacktoyouwhattheyheardyousayWereyouwide-eyedto hear themessage repeated backDid it sound like your thinkingDid youwonderldquoDidIreallysaythatrdquoThiscommonoccurrencehappensinregularlifeas well as in therapeutic settings A technique called ldquoactive listeningrdquoconsisting of literally repeating a clientrsquos disclosure back to him or her isfrequentlyusedtohelpclientsreflectonthewaystheynametheirownreality
Consciouslyjournalingourthoughtsandexperiencesafteryogapracticeisagood way to allow the process of externalizing whatever comes to mindmdashunobstructed and uncensoredLook at your journal and repeat ldquoWhat I heardmyselfsayingthinkingfeelingishelliprdquoYourrealityislivedanddeterminedbyyouin thewayyou talkabout itandname itHowyoudosodetermineshowyoulive
Resolve is a powerful tool for kick-starting the process of correctingunconscious habits and old behaviors Another creative exercise uses freeassociationtoacquaintyouwithyourtrueselfbyrecordinganaudioversionoffeelingsemotionsandimpressionsListentotherecordingandwriteldquoWhatIheard myself saying ishelliprdquo Just hearing your own voice a more familiarexpression of your inner dialogue offering insights can evokemore powerfulresults
Accept differences in the way you grieve Trying to emulate a familialsocietalorculturalmoldmdashinotherwordsforcingyourselfintoapreconceivedformmdashmaynot serveyoubestGrief isan intimateaffair revealing thedeeperself absolutely unique to each particular individualYourway of grieving the
wayyou love the things you lovemdashthey all speak towhoyou are Find yourway honor it and do it your waymdasheven if it is very different from anyexpectationsyoumighthaveorothersmayimposeuponyou
Consider that your grief might change from one moment to another Youchange just as theworld around you changes andmost important the newlyidentified self feeds off of thisWelcome those changes they reflectwhoyoureally are You grieve each loss differently and you can even experience amultitudeofpolarizedsymptomswithonelossChangesinthewayyougrieveexpress modifications in your mind and indicate that things are in factreorganizing
Even if things get more difficult day in and day out since everythingchanges so toowill that Practice itself is an importantmonitor for assessingchange Identifying the different states of feeling and being aided by certainexercises or combinations thereof are part of the self-knowledge that griefunveils What changed What made the change How can I reach that stateagainThesearesomeofthequestionstoaskyourselfwhileviewingthemanyfacesofyourgrievingprocess
You must facilitate moving through your own griefmdashentirely gently andfirmlymdashinyourownuniquewayDrWordenrsquosfourtasksareapragmaticuser-friendlyreferenceguide toevaluate thecourseofyourgrievingprocessand tolocateyourselfwithinthatcontextNextIofferyousomesuggestionsofhowtouse yogarsquos knowledge and some of the techniques included in the sadhana tomakeyourfulfillmentofWordenrsquostasksappearlessdaunting
ACCOMPLISHINGACCEPTANCE
DrWordenrsquos four tasks presented in chapter 1 are clear and direct Findwaystoaccept theemotionalrealityof the loss(first task)process thepainofgrief(secondtask)adapttoanewrealitywithout thepresenceofthedeparted(thirdtask)andrelocatethelostpersonorobjectsoyoucanembarkonanewlife(fourthtask)
Theyogapracticeoutlinedinthisbookcanbeusedtosupportyourworkonthe tasks For instance remaining aware of the breath during CompleteBreathingandwitnessingwithoutjudgmentanyresistanceyouencountercanbeinstrumentalinleadingtoacceptingtherealityoftheloss
Beawareofdistractingbehaviorssuchasgettinglostinachainofthoughtsrushingtothecomputerorgrabbingthephonewhichservetoavoidfeelingthedepth of what is happening Tolerating the discomfort is a skillful way of
meetingtheunpleasantfeelingsoflossJournalingisoneofthemostwidelyusedformsforreflectiveretellingofthe
factsGoingoverthedetailsagainandrecallingtheeventsthathappenedisoneofthemosteffectivemethodsforgainingacceptanceoflossWhenjournalingthe way youwrite about your reality is a reflection of the way you speak toyourselfaboutitWhenyourelatethefactsinyourjournalalsomakesureyouwrite about your feelingsmdashit is of the essence In order to do this you mustidentifyandexperiencethemandtodosoyoumustbepresent
PROCESSINGFEELINGS
InordertoproperlyprocessfeelingswemustfirstremainpresentforthemThisisoftenoneofthemostdifficultaspectsofgrievingbutitisalsooneofthemost importantWhat does itmean to remain present The actual practice ofbeingpresentvaries according towhich feelingyou focusonbecause feelingsassociatedwithgriefvarywidelyandcanbeofdifferentnatures
We often avoid our yoga practice or falter when the techniques elicit astrongerperceptionofthefeelingsResistanceisyetanothersignofthestruggleso identify your options for staying present Transiting your grief successfullyandestablishingwaystomoveoutoftheintensecenteroftheexperiencetoitsquieteredgesistheworkSincetheonlywayoutofthepainofgriefisthroughityoumustenterandexit theprocessskillfullyBecauseof itspassivenaturesadnessmdashthe most common feeling when grievingmdashallows us to actually sitwithitMostfindsadnessunpleasantandresistfeelingitsoweputupdefensestoeludeit
You can work on ldquositting with sadnessrdquo simply by staying seated inmeditation While meditating our minds tend to wander instead of focusingThat is true for our hearts aswellwe tend to flee from sadness toward otherfeelingssuchasanger
AngerisanactivefeelingandsittingwithitcanbeextremelyfrustratingItasksformentalandphysicalaction It isbestprocessedwhenthe targetof theangerisidentifiedandaneffectivemethodofexpressionisfoundAngerismetwithmanysocietaljudgmentsWearetaughtthatitisnotahealthyfeelingandthatitsexpressionmakesothersuncomfortableandonlyyieldsmoreangerItiscrucial to find an outlet for anger that does not conflict with what we haveaccepted as socially appropriate Instead of aggression I suggest consideringassertivenessasaneffectivealternativewayYoucanforcefullypushsomebodyawayfromyourdoorsteporyoucan lookstraight intohiseyespointingyour
finger at him while saying ldquoYou do not walk into my houserdquo Through thepracticeoftheAttitudeofDischargingangercanpurposefullybeexpressedintheintimacyofyourpersonalworkThistechniqueoffersmodesofexpressionfrom the more general involvement of the full body to the particular ldquoaaahrdquosound that promotes vocalizing the active nature of the feeling When notexpressed outwardly anger can turn inward resulting in self-destructivebehaviorssuchasrelapsingwithaddictionsSometimesangercanpresentitselfasanotherfeelingsuchasguilt
Because it isusually linked to irrational thoughtsguiltneeds tobereality-testedinrelationtothefactsAskyourselfifthereissomethingyoucouldhavedonedifferentlyorifanyactionstakencouldhaveindeedavoidedthelossThenyou should be able to recognize whether you did or did not have anyresponsibility for how things happened If you were indeed responsible thenwhat actionsmight help you to resolve the heavy burden of responsibility Iffeelings of guilt still persist what are they actually related toWhat can thelessonlearnedbe
The palette of possible feelings is vast and unique to each individual Allfeelingsarevalidmdashtheyaretheelementsthegrievingheartiscomposedofandneedtobeprocessedsowecangettoknowourselvesbetter
ADJUSTINGTOTHENEWREALITY
Discoveringhowtoadjusttoanewrealityvariesdistinctlyaccordingtothedetailsofour life situationandhowwe interpret themeaningof the lossThemorethelossthreatensourimmediatesurvivalthemoreimportantitbecomestoimplementbehaviorsforadjustment
For someone whose livelihood depended on who or what has been lostfindingwaystomakeendsmeetandfulfillonersquosmaterialobligationsbecomesofutmostimportanceAfterourinitialsurvival-basedneedsaremetotherneedsgain importance These often manifest as questions that reflect the newlybereaved personrsquos confusion or unfamiliarity with how to approach life afterlossldquoWhoamI ifnotamarriedmanWhoamInowthatIamunemployedWhycontinuetopraysincemypreviousprayerswerenotansweredrdquoByaskingyourselftheseandotherkeyquestionsyoulearnwhoyouhavebecomeandhowtolivemoreconsciouslywithoutthedeceasedAsyouembraceyournewrealitythe practice of Resolve is a solid ally imprinting new mental patterns andresettingoldonesNamingkeyresolutionssuchasldquoIpaymybillsontimerdquoorldquoIgotothegymeverydayrdquoiswhatkeepsthedirectionclear
Thesemental adjustments become effective coping tools for the long-termexperience of grief and bring immediate relief of present suffering Thedependenceon theold realitystarts to fadeawayThisoffersa freshdynamicoutlookthatenhancesindependenceandself-worthjustbykeepingaheightenedanddevotedfocusonthenewlyblossomingself
FACILITATINGEMOTIONALRELOCATIONOFTHEDECEASEDORLOSTOBJECT
Yogaaddressesthefundamentalmisapprehensionoffalseegoidentificationtaking the impermanent for permanent As you locate your place in the newrealitytherelationshiptowhoorwhatyouhavelostchangessignificantlyThisclarificationisessentialforhumblingthethreatenedegoInsteadofsubstitutingtheoldattachmentforanewoneseekanewplaceforyourselfinrelationshiptowhoorwhatyoulostYoucanchoosetofocusonwhoyouarenowwithoutthedepartedperson
BreathMeditationisidealforsupportingtheprocessofemotionalrelocationbecauseit requiresus tappingintoourcore issues theprofoundaspectsofouridentityForthisdeepandintimateworkourbreathmdashourlifeforcefuelingourworkmdashwillcontinuetoserveusuntilwetoodepartfromthislife
Your previous identity as effective anduseful as itwaswas linked to thepast responses andbehaviors relating to theworldrsquos challenges froma formernow-nonexistent timeThenewly forming self-identity is beingbasedonyourrevised inner world with more conscious thoughts positive images andappropriate needs that populate a healthier present The focus of yourembarkationismoresavoringandembracingtheactualinternaljourneyleadingyou home to your true self rather than the external aspects that previouslydefinedyourlife
DETACHEDATTACHMENTAHEALTHYMODELFORTHEFUTURE
After losing their son to an accident involving a drunk driver the Smithfamily started a nonprofit organization to raise funds to create a publicawarenesscampaignonthedangersofdrivingundertheinfluenceofalcohol
The organization offered an outlet for their emotions and created a publicforumforhonoringthelostchildinameaningfulwayThefamilyseemedtakenabackwhenI reminded themthat thenonprofit toowouldonedaycometoanend I explained that for example in the best-case scenario their campaignwould be 100 percent effective and no drunk driverswould exist so nomorefundswouldbeneeded
MyintentionwastomakethefamilyawareofthefinitenatureofallthingsincludingtheirorganizationEventhoughtheydidnotlikeanticipatingtheendtheywerecomfortedwhenIaskedthemtoconsiderthisnewpieceofawarenessasagiftfromtheirson
The ultimate intention of Wordenrsquos fourth task is to continue with thepreexistingbondand to findwaysofestablishinganenduringconnectionwithwhat wersquove lost Interestingly enough most existing models of grief therapypropose establishing new and healthier attachments as away to continuewithlife
IsuggestyouconsideranotherwaytolookatthisonemorecloselyrelatedtotheknowledgeofyogaIcallitdetachedattachmentaveryskillfultoolDoformattachmentsyetkeepfullawarenessofthefactthatwhatyouareattachedtowill inevitably disappear Factoring in the truth of the impermanence of allthingsyoucanestablishnewemotionalbondsthatempoweryoutolivefullyinthe moment with no promise of tomorrow Truly embodying this knowledgecouldeffectivelyfreeyoufromremaininginthepainfulcycleofattachmentAsall things eventually do attachment too must end Reassessing the value ofholding on to a belief that only brings suffering leads us to ask ldquoWhy notsubstitute it with a healthier more reasonable concept that might feel evenbetterrdquo
Thisapproachbridgesthepureandattimesunattainablemodelsoforthodoxyoga with the accommodating processes of Western psychology It offers ahappy medium for making new attachments which is an inherent need thathumanshaveBykeepingawide-openthirdeyeaccessingayogicawarenessofthe impermanence of all things you still allow for loving fully Loving inabsence aswell as in presence affords the opportunity of living fullywith theguidanceoftheyogicprinciplesforexistencereducingfuturesuffering
ThisisperhapsoneofthemostdifficultchallengeshumansreckonwithWeexhibit confusion either mistaking love for attachment or struggling to lovewithout itTheverycoreof the relocationprocesshouses theseedofournewbeing While relocating the deceased is the task we too are finding a newemotional address for ourselves Attributed to the universal integration of allexisting things balance equilibrates all systems simultaneously Performingritualsandengaginginactivitiestohonorthepersonorobjectwelostisintruthfor us The actual benefit gained is wholly for our healingwe can reclaim asenseofwell-beingwhilefacilitatingouradjustmentprocess
RevisitingtheexampleoftheSmithfamilyalthoughthesonmightneversee
thenonprofitorganizationtheyopenedinhisnametheorganizationhelpedthefamilytofindnewpurposeandanewidentity
TheThirdPartFindingtheNewIdentity
ThisiswherethetruegemlieswheretheblessingindisguiseisrevealedIamreferringtothedelightonefeelswhenfindingapotofgoldattheendoftherainbowItistheresultyouarelookingforwhenembarkingonaconsciousgriefjourneyYouopenaportaltoadeeperconnectionwiththeSpirittothespiritualrealm of your existence by integrating fresh information on how the bodyprocessesgriefwithhowthemindunderstandsit
WhenexploringthisnewconnectioneachpersondefinesandrelatestotheSpiritinhisorherownwayThequesttoknowtheSpiritisage-oldDespitethisbookrsquos many attempts to explain what Spirit is and because Spirit is anexperienceapracticemightbewortha lotmore thana thousandwordsLetrsquosuseyetagainanotherusefulpracticefromyoga
FINDINGSPIRITINTHEINNERSILENCE
IrsquovefoundthatpracticingthefirstpartofatechniquecalledantarmounaorldquoinnersilencerdquoisofmuchhelpwhenlookingforadeeperconnectionwiththeSpiritThetechniqueconsistsofsittinginacomfortablepositioninstillnessandwiththeeyesclosedThenhearallsoundsidentifyingloudonesfromsoftonesdistantones from those thatareclosebyknownones fromunknownoneshellipNow switch your awareness to your earsmdashthe outer ear its temperature itsshapetrytofeelthemiddleandeventheinnerearPerceiveyourearshellipNowswitchtheawarenesstoYouthewitnessofthesoundsmdashnotthesoundsnottheearsbutYouthewitnessofallsounds
Aftermasteringthetechniqueusingyourearsyoumaycontinuefocusingonyour feelings and then on your thoughts This technique offers a gradual pathtoward the innermost self it can be thought of as a system for disidentifyingwiththegrosserplanesofrealityTheselfweencounteristheoneweareafter
TheSpiritcanbecalledtheaspectofthebeingthatwitnesseslifethroughaphysicalbodyitisnotthephysicalbodynorthefactsoftheexperienceItistheobserverthatisnotalteredbywhatitobservesjustasamirrorisnotaffectedbytheitemsitreflects
SKILLFULQUESTIONING
Finding thenew identitycanbegreatlyhelpedbyusingoneof thegoldentoolsinyogaatmavicharaorself-inquiryTheessentialquestionoftheinquiryisldquoWhoamIrdquoTheanswercanonlybefoundwithinbyconnectingwiththewitnessbyaskingtheobserverwithinbygettingtoknowyourownSpirit
The question is intended to help you connect with the ldquosubjectrdquo of thisexistence or the ldquoIrdquoWe identify ourselves by the states we go through thethingswepossessandtheobjectswerelatetoAnswerssuchasldquoIamrichrdquoorldquoIamsadrdquoleadtoafalseidentification
Thekindofself-inquiryIrsquomindicating isbestconductedwhenworkingondiscarding the object-based identitymdashwhat I ammdashin order to discover thesubject-basedonewhoIamIt isaquestfor thetrueself inall thatwedo ineverythoughteveryspeecheveryaction
Thereasontoperformself-inquiryisthatwedonrsquotpurporttoknowwhoweareandgriefoffersusplentytodoubtTheskillfulquestioningisnotjustrelatedtowhatfamilyyoubelongtoorwhichcountryyouwereborninratheritseekstounmaskyouressentialidentityasanembodiedSpiritThatpartofyourselfasitrelatestoldquoIrdquoisnotidentifiedwiththephysical
Itconnectsyouwiththepureawarenessofwhoyouareratherthanwhatyouare aware of Bear in mind that the difference between object and subjectappearssubtletousandthatweareinherentlyconfusedaboutthesetworealmsOther clarifying questions are Who is feeling sad Who is experiencinganxietyWho is feeling lonely and fearfulMost grievers do not want to bedefinedbytheirgriefthistechniquehelpsconnectwiththeonewitnessingthesufferingnotthesufferingitself
COGNITIVEREFRAMING
VickiPanagotacos (2012292) agiftedAmericangrief therapist proposesfouressentialquestionstoguidetheprocessofenvisioninganewselfandanewlifebydefiningcertainparametersmostofusneedtodealwithIrsquovefoundthatherquestionsareskillful insupportingagrieverrsquospracticeofatmavicharaorself-inquiryThefourquestionsareasfollows
1 Whatdoyouwanttoincludeinyourlife
2 Whatdonrsquotyouwanttoincludeinyourlife
3 Whatdoyouhaveinyourlifethatyouwanttoeliminate
4 Whatdoyouhaveinyourlifethatyouwanttokeep
PanagotacosproposeswritingdowntheanswersoneeachonseparatepagesIn her therapy practice she dedicates a session to providing a final list to herclients including the answers to question 1 plus the ldquoconverted answersrdquo toquestions23and4(ForexampleldquoIdonrsquotwanttomoverdquoconvertstoldquoIwantto stay where I am livingrdquo [293]) I suggest you convert your answers toquestions23and4thenwriteadocumentwithyourfinallistThesearegreatquestionstoaskyourselftopromoteawarenessofyourpersonaljourneyandtofindyourselfinyournewlifeplans
According toKarenWhitleyBellwhowroteLiving at theEnd of LifeAHospiceNurseAddressestheMostCommonQuestions(2010)oneofthemostcommon comments of dying individuals when asked about what they regretabouttheirlivesisthattheywishtheywouldhavelivedmoreaccordingtotheirdesiresthanothersrsquoexpectationsWhileourlivescanonlybebreathedthroughourownnostrils sometimeswe adopt other peoplersquos beliefs aboutwhatrsquos bestforusandassumethemasguidinglightsItisonlythroughfulfillingtheneedsandthedeepdesiresofourheartsthatwecanachieveourdestinyflowingintheuniversalorderofallexistingthings
AtreedoesnotdevelopbranchesjustforbirdstoperchratherbecausethebranchesformthatisinthenatureofthetreersquosdevelopmentandunfoldingThefact thatabirdcanperchon itsbranch is just soandnot the treersquos reasonforbeing
IfyourpreviousidentitywasbasedonothersrsquoneedsyoucannowredesignandredefineanewbyaccessingoneofhumanityrsquosessentialdesiresldquothedesireforpurposethedrivetobecomewhoyouaremeanttoberdquoasexpressedbyRodStryker (2011 35) ldquoYour long-term happiness and fulfillmentrdquo he continuesldquodependonyourabilitytofulfillyourpersonaldharmaandfilltheplaceintheworldthatonlyyoucanfillrdquo
WhatArethePossibleMeaningsofFindingaNewIdentityAfterLoss
Oneoftheamazingfeaturesofthehumanbrainisitsabilitytoassignmeaningto our experiencesThis is due to the presenceof the neocortex a vast net ofinterconnected neurons that complement the functions of the reptilian braininteractingwiththelimbicsystemandtheemotionalbrainThisemotionalpartof thebrain appeared inmammals only just a fewmillionyears agoSowhat
doesthisprocessoftransformationmeanforanindividualThereisnoshortageofmeanings
FindingaLightattheEndoftheTunnel
Despair iscommoningriefbecausesometimes in thevastdarknessof theprocesswecannotenvisionhowlifecouldpossiblygoonItislikebeingstuckinadarktunnelunabletosenselightattheotherend
Thismetaphor often refers to the impossibility of identifying a solutionorresolution for an existing situation when we are in the thick of it ExistencecontinuesafterlossandsocanweBytrustingthatthereislightsomewhereandthat thedarknessinwhichweareimmersedinthepresentmomentwillnotbethere forever we can relax knowing that in time it too will change likeeverythingelsedoes
ThecaseofoneofmyclientsJoancomestomindFeelingboredpracticingConcentratedGazingsheaskedmetousealitcandleforthedistantfocalpointinsteadofablackdotHerassumptionwasthatthedancingflamewouldpreventherfromfeelingdrowsy
Because she had defined the experience of her grief aswalking through adarktunnelwithnoendIproposedtokeepthisimageinmindasshepracticedThis conscious ldquoshiftingrdquo of attention from her present reality of pain andconfusiontothepromiseofanenlightenedfutureservedasapowerfulmetaphorforJoanPerformingthisformofConcentratedGazingshetookthismetaphorofthelightattheendofthetunneltothephysicalrealmofherpractice
Focusingtheeyeonthedistantobjectbecameasymbolofherwillingnesstoface the unknown future projecting her intention tomove beyond the presentfeelings of pain confusion and isolation Even thoughwemight bemired indarknessanddespairthearcofourvisioncarriesustoadeeperrealityonefromwhichweemergestrongerandwiserThankstothisconsciousworkweareabletoovercomethenegativeanticipatorythinkingthathasensnaredus
WhileteachingaclassattheUniversityofCaliforniandashBerkeleyIoncehearda seasoned therapist share her newly found observation She stated that afterthirty-fiveyearsofcounselingclientsshesawthatalltherapeuticworkisbasedindealingwithgrief
Althoughmostgrievingindividualscertainlywouldpreferaquickfixthosewhochose to laboriouslyengage ingriefworkcanfindhope regain trustand
reducetheirpainEnticedbythepossibilityofabetterlifeonemoreabundantinlightandself-lovetheyrealizethatjustontheothersideoftheveilofdarknessissomuchmorethanmostofuseverthoughtpossibleWeenvisionthepositiveoutcomeofourgriefworka torchthatblazesat theothersidewiththenewlydiscoveredknowledgeofself
ExperiencingRebirth
Sometimestheexperienceofarrivingtoanewselfissointensethatpeoplerefer to it as a new birth or a rebirth This is something Irsquove seen happenparticularlyinthecaseofcancerpatientsPeoplefacingcancerhaveaprimarylossofhealthbuttheyalsofacesecondarylossessuchasthelossoftheabilityto perform familiar activities or the loss of hair due to chemotherapyrsquossecondaryeffects
Once losses have been normalized a surprising number of cancer patientsexpress enjoying newly cherished aspects of life They have reported feelingdeeper gratitude delighting in delicate interpersonal contact embodying adeeper knowing of their personal needs and more actively participating inincreasedcompassionateself-care
ManyperceivethisasanewlifeOftencancerpatientswillrefertothedateofdiagnosisasakindofldquosecondbirthdayrdquo
THEMYTHOFTHEPHOENIX
Thephoenixamythicalbirdthatobtainsnewlifebyrisingfromtheashesofits predecessorThe aftermath of the shockingdevastationof loss is describedusing imagery referring to scorched landscapes after a fire empty colorlessvacant dark and lifeless Using this metaphor imagine what this charredlandscape home to so many different animals plants and trees might havecontainedbeforeTheashescontaintherecordedimprintofthepreexistingfaunaandfloraaswellastheelementsthathelpthesoilbecomemorefertileandthatimprove theoverallhealthof the forestDespite theabsenceofwhatwas losttheirmemoryisretainedconcentratedintheashwhichfertilizestheforestfloorandfacilitatesregrowth
Byremainingpresentforthefeelingsthatcomeupingriefwebecomelikethe phoenix created anew from the ashes left behind by loss In her beautifulshortpieceonthelossofason-in-lawKimberleyPittman-Schulzwritesthatldquoto
grieve one deathmeans always to grieve twordquo (2011 16) This is true for somanyof thepeoplehollowedoutby theirexperienceof lossWhatever timeittakesmdashmonthsoryearsmdashtobecomeawareofhowdeeplyalosshaspenetratedus we have the option of living in honor of the departed or deceased byfollowingourpath
Themythofthephoenixisapowerfuloneforunderstandinghowfromthedepths of the ashes a new being is born rising high above the place of oursorrowanddespairendowedwithnewperspectivesandacquiredwisdom
HonoringtheLegacyoftheDeparted
Other than profoundly negative relationships the severance of whichprovidesreliefmostofuswanttocontinuethebondsfindingwaystohonorthelegacyofwhatwehavelost
MostlywechoosetobelievethatthedepartedwouldpreferustobehappyandtostillfulfillourdreamsIndoingso thisbecomesawayofhonoringthememory and intentions of the departed and a way of staying in contact withthemItprovidesuswithafreshopportunitytoshareournewinformationaboutourselves andour accomplishmentswith thedeceased in a figurativeway thatwebelievewouldmakethemhappy
Itallowsourbodies toengage inanaction thesimpleactionof livingourlivesinabetterwayWecannottouchthehandofalostchildorphysicallyhugalostpetyetwefindnewendeavorstoaccomplishldquoinhonorofrdquoldquoasrelatedtordquoandldquointhenameofrdquothedepartedbringingnewmeaningtotheloss
This can serve us by acknowledging and attending to the unfinishedbusiness and still effect perceptive changes even in our relationshipwith thedeceased
BeinganExampletoOthers
OursocietyisnotcomfortablewithgriefnordoesitoffersuitableoutletsforexpressionoftherelatedfeelingsInsteadgriefoftengetssweptundertherugAcommonbelief is thatwegetoverourgriefwith thepassageof timeNothingcouldbefurtherfromthetruththereisnoldquogettingoverrdquoourgriefanditdoesnot simply fade away with time By being patient with our own process weteachotherspatienceByconsciouslyaddressingoursymptomsweteachothers
about self-care By properly naming our feelings and speaking our truth weteachotherstoheargrieversoutandconsolethem
Finding a new identity after loss requires awareness and presence for themultitudeofinsightsgriefoffersBydoingourworkandsharingourexperiencewebecomeamodelanexamplethatotherscanbenefitfromintheirownlivesSociety loves those characters who are secure solid assertive and exhibitdominionoveruncertaintiesEveryonegravitates toward theherowhohumblyunderstands personal weaknesses has self-reliant qualities and has integratedacquiredknowledgeandwisdom
Aswetransitthegrievingprocessfromourheartsandtheintricaciesofourmindswediscoverourresilienceandstrengthenourskillsdefiningabetterlifeandsettingagoodexampletobewitnessedbyothers
LearningNewWaysofLoving
Our new identity can offer a different relationship between love andattachmentonethatmovesawayfrompresentingthemasequalIonceheardanotedprofessionalsaythatgriefisthepricewepayforlovebutintruthgriefisthepricewepayforattachment
Todifferentiate love fromattachmentwe set anewstandardofpossibilityboth with others and for ourselves Societies flourishing in balance and truthstartwithindividualsandrightnowthatisyouandme
Bymakingloveandattachment thesamewemistake the impermanentforpermanent and insteadof lovingunconditionallywe create the conditions forcodependenceByunderstandinghowtocontinuelovinginthefaceofabsencewe liberate love from itsmaterial basis and liberate ourselves in the processThen love achieves its full force becoming capable of transforming inunexpected ways undoing the old and granting us access to a new way oflovingourselveswithfreedomandrespect
SinkingintotheOrderoftheUniverse
The universal order is already in existence and sinking into it promotesactionsthatreinforcetheprincipleofpronoiawhichdictatesthattheuniverseisconspiring in your highest good in both the internal and externalworlds Theacceptanceofthisfactreestablishesourtrustinlifeandbringsasenseofhope
thatiselusivewhileingriefChangeisaconstantforceintheorderoftheuniverseAsyoubecomeaware
of personal choices that no longer serve you trusting the universal forceactivates conscious envisioning of new more appropriate options AnotheressentialyogictruthexpressesthatldquoalltheknowledgeyouneedforyourlifeisalreadywithinyourdquoConsidering thiscanhelpyoubreak free frompreviouslyheldbeliefsthatcauseresistance
IndoingsoyouremovethefirstofthefivecausesofsufferingasstatedbyPatanjali inTheYogaSutras ignoranceof the truthReplacing ignorancewithknowledgebasedonourpresentrealityisoftangiblebenefittogrievers
Theresultingfeeling issimilar towhatweexperiencewhenweswimwiththe current or when we sleep at night a sense of going with the flowcharacterizedbycomfortandeaseThatdoesnotmeantheabsoluteabsenceofstruggleItsuggeststhataswepracticeweencounteraccommodatingmomentsthatallowus togetcomfortablealongwith thediscomfortor relaxwithin theunrestfeelingeaseinthemidstofcomplexity
Yourecognizethatyouarepartofalargerorganismabundantinactivityandpulsatingwith lifeTheacceptance thatyouarepartofacommunityofotherswhohavehopesdesiresandfearsjustlikeyoudocanbeapowerfulantidotetotheparalyzingisolationofgrief
Youcanchangeanidentityestablishedontheoldmodelofattachmentsandembrace a new one based on the synchronicity of your coexistence with theuniverseMost of thework in yoga is related to understanding this union andallowing it to be lifersquos guiding light Transforming our grief offers theopportunity most of us seek to access to bathe in the universal wisdom andbecome part of the whole This experience changes our life forever in theintimacyofoursolitudeorinthecompanyoftherestofhumanity
GriefiswithoutadoubtthemostintenseinvitationtoacknowledgetheunionofallexistingthingsIhaveknownItnotonlyforcesustolivewithamazinglycontradictoryfeelingsandemotionssuchasldquoIdonrsquotwanttoeverthinkofhimagainmdashIdonrsquotwanttoeverforgethimrdquobutalsobecausewearepromptedtogothroughextremelyoppositeconditionsinourbodiesaswellfromfeelingfullofenergywhenexperiencingtheinitialshockofalosstofeelingdeepfatigueafewdayslaterAsconfusingastheseextremesmightseemtoourmindsourheartsfind solace and relief when able to link these opposing feelings and thoughtswith the word ldquoandrdquo A significant part of the new identity results fromsubstituting the limiting ldquobutrdquo for a more inclusive ldquoandrdquo Just think of how
differentitfeelstohearyourselfsayingldquoIwanttoremarrybutnootherwomanwilllovemethesamewayrdquoversusldquoIwanttoremarryandnootherwomanwilllove me the same wayrdquo The very presence of the word ldquobutrdquo is divisiveseparatingnotconducivetoreconciliationmdashqualitiesthatgrieversneednomoreofOnthecontraryldquoandrdquoisinclusiveunitinganinvitationtoreconcileTheseareallmilestonesforagrieveralonghisorherjourneythroughgrief
Aswe conclude the discussion of how to transform grief into a source ofself-knowledge toward a new identity I would like to revive the image of awindmillasametaphorforthisprocessoftransformationJustasthewindmillbladesaremovedbywindourwholebeingissweptupbythemysteryoflossThisnaturalphenomenon iswhatsparks the transformationofhardgrains intoedible flour just as loss forcesus to transform thedepthsofwhoweareThenewly created flour is the starting point of a future meal just as the newlyacquiredknowledgewehavegainedfromlossisthestartingpointofanewldquoIrdquo
ConclusionldquoSolitudehassoftsilkyhandsbutwithstrongfingersitgraspstheheartand
makesitachewithsorrowSolitudeistheallyofsorrowaswellasacompanionofspiritualexaltationrdquo
mdashKahlilGibran(200559)
GriefaffectsusonthedeepestlevelimaginableinallaspectsofourhumanitythephysicalmentalandspiritualBecausesomuchofouridentityiswrappedupinpreviousattachmentswhethergoodorbadthatidentityisstrippedawaywhenwe lose thosepersonsorobjects towhichwersquovebecomeattachedTheyoftenloomsolargelyinourworldthatwerarelytaketimetoquestionhowourlives might be affected by their absence When that moment comes we areforced to answer that question Regardless of our cultural background orreligiousaffiliationwefeel thatuniquesensationthatcomeswithlossBeyondany name we can find for it our whole being ldquoknowsrdquo what we are goingthrough
ThisbookisbornfromthatfeelingdeepwithinmeitisonemoreexpressionofhowmygriefpermeatedmyactionsthoughtsandwordsInowrealizethatfully embracing my personal grief along with my passion for working withgrievers professionally has been a way of emotionally relocatingmymotherandinevitablymyselfTheldquoIrdquospeakingtoyouinthepagesofthisbookcouldnotexistwithoutfirsthavingtransformedmyowngrief
Irsquove shared information about many aspects of grief that can help younormalize yours Please know that loss is part of the human condition andsooneror later grief is felt byallUnderstandinghowEast andWestdiffer intheir view of grief may help you tolerate your contradicting feelings andthoughtsYourpresentrealityisinawayinducedbyyourbrainBepatientallthroughoutlifeyourbrainadaptsbyrewiringitselfthroughexperiencemdashsocanyou
Irsquove offered tools to transform your physical reality through body
movementsandpostures aswell as to reshapeyourmentalpanorama throughbreath work and connect with the deep wisdom of your Spirit throughmeditation Irsquove given suggestions to tailor your practice according to yourabilitiesandneedsUnderstanding the relationshipbetween the techniquesandthewaysthetechniquesaffectgriefcaninformyourchoicesastowhichofthemtopractice
ThesimpleactofpracticingismoreimportantthananyonespecificexercisecontainedinthisbookWhathelpsyoumostisprovingtoyourselfthatyouhavetheintentiontochangePracticewillhelpyoufindwaysofkeepinganenduringconnectionwithwhoorwhathasdepartedwhilerelatingtoyournewemergingselfAsyouwitnessyourselfthepracticehasalreadybegun
ThroughthepowerofyogayouareabletoplungeintothedepthsthathousenotonlyyourpainbutalsoyourtrueselfItisoftenduringthistimethatweareabletomakereallastingchangesthatputusonanewpathtowardgreaterself-fulfillment and ultimate acceptance of the laws of the Universemdashour humbleessenceisjustonemoregrainofsandontheshoresofexistence
In our modern society we tend to trek through life at a breakneck pacestopping to look and listen only rarely either when itrsquos convenient or mostcommon when we are shocked into awareness Loss itself causes the soul-stirring awakening that transforms us even though grief asks not if we arepreparedforsuchtransformativework
Timeisanessentialpartof theprocess justnot theonlyonePayingcloseattentiontothewisdomofourSpiritisrequiredBereavementisatimewhentheSpirit can be contacted most readily because its latent power is clearlyaccessibleAsyoutranscendtheapparentdualityofexistenceyouwillfindthatlifeanddeathabsenceandpresencearepartofonecontinuumandcannotstripyouoftheloveresidingunderneathyoursuffering
TheyogapracticeIrsquovesharedwithyouisnottohelpavoidsufferingratherit is toaidyou in finding reliefAsyouexperienceyourgriefmore fullyyoumove closer to the unique being that you truly are Grief then becomes anaturally humbling invitation to self-reflection not something to be reviled orshunnedManyculturesacceptdeathasatimeofrenewalasapreciousmomentthat teaches us about the bonds we all share including the one with oneselfWhen loss occurs many of us let in loneliness for the first time As youacknowledge the life that has departed you also feel the life that still resideswithinandyouareinvitedtorecognizethatonedaythislifewilltoodepart
This isyour time toaccessasacredspacesetyour intentionsandwitness
theunfoldingoflifeonebreathinonebreathoutYouaretheonewhoneedsacknowledgmentinthismomentmorethananythingelseHereyogacanonceagain assist you Just consider one of yogarsquos core teachings ldquoWhat we arelookingforistheonewhoislookingrdquoYouareonyourwayhellip
GlossaryASANA
PhysicalmovementorposturetraditionallyfoundinthesystemofyogaByfirstaddressing thephysicalasanas help establish a strong foundation in the bodybeforemoreadvancedexercisesandmeditationareperformed
ATTACHMENTTHEORY
Theory pioneered by the behaviorist John Bowlby that discusses how we ashumanbeingsformemotionalbondsasinfantsandchildrenthatthendetermineourlove-relatedbehaviorsintoadulthood
AYURVEDA
AscienceoflifeayurmeaninglifeandvedameaningscienceorknowledgeItoffersabodyofwisdomdesignedtohelppeoplestayvitalwhilerealizingtheirfullhumanpotentialProvidingguidelinesonidealdailyandseasonalroutinesAyurvedaremindsusthathealthisthebalancedanddynamicintegrationofourenvironmentmindbodyandspirit
CHAKRAS
Energetic centers in the physical body that correspond to different nerveplexuses and endocrine glands aswell as certain emotional and psychologicaltraitsEachchakrasignifiesdifferentstagesofhumanevolution
DEGRIEFINGPROCESS
An integrated approach to grief therapy pioneered by Lyn Prashant thatincorporates bodywork traditional grief counseling and complementarytherapies
JWILLIAMWORDEN
American psychologist and grief counselor who created the ldquotasksrdquo model ofgrievingwhich identifies four tasks thegrievermust transit to fulfillanormalgrievingprocess
MEDITATION
MeditationisidentifiedbyPatanjaliwhowroteTheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliasthe primary means by which the practitioner achieves liberation It usuallyentailslimitingtherangeofchangeofthemindtobringaboutcalmandfocus
NORMALIZATION
Theconcept encountered ingrief therapy thatgrief symptomsarenormal andthat thesufferingagriever feelsaftera loss isnot tobeshunned It takes intoaccount both cultural and familial dismissals of grief This is often away forgrieverstofirstaccepttherealityoftheirlossandtostartprocessingthroughthepainoftheirgrief
PRANAYAMA
BreathingexercisestraditionallyfoundinthesystemofyogaBymanipulatingtheprana(lifeforce)pranayamaleadsustooperateontheconsciousnessitself
PRIMARYLOSS
The loss of a loved one object or ideal that occurs first and causes a typicalgriefreaction
PSYCHOPHYSIOLOGY
Multidisciplinarystudyofpsychologybiologyandneurologythatdemonstrateshowenvironmentalfactorsinfluenceusonapsychologicallevel
SADHANA
A spiritual practice that advocates a set of practical exercises to establishregularitythatsustainedovertimeleadsustospiritualfulfillment
SANKALPA
Theyogic principle ofResolveThis helps aid practitioners in identifying andsettinggoalsfortheirpracticeandthereforetheirlives
SECONDARYLOSSES
Lossesthatoccurasaresultoftheprimarylosshavingoccurred
SHATKARMA
Cleansing exercises that help purify both the body and mind preparing thepractitionerformeditation
YOGA
Asix-thousand-year-olddisciplinefromancientIndiawherebythroughphysicalexercises breath work and meditation we can overcome the suffering weencounterinlifeandcontactourSpirit
YOGACHIKITSA
Manrsquosfirstattemptatunitiveunderstandingofthemindemotionsandphysicaldistressandtheoldestholisticconceptandtherapyintheworld
YOGATHERAPY
Westernmodulationoftheoriginaldisciplineofyogaoftenperformedone-on-onethatcombinestraditionaltherapeuticmodelswiththebenefitsbestowedbythepracticeofyoga
ReferencesBegleySharon2007ldquoTheBrainHowtheBrainRewiresItselfrdquoTimeJanuary
192007httpcontenttimecomtimemagazinearticle09171158043800html
BhaktivedantaACSwamiPrabhupada1972Bhagavad-GitaasItIsLosAngelesBhaktivedantaBookTrust
Boleyn-FitzgeraldMiriam2010PicturesoftheMindWhattheNewNeuroscienceTellsUsAboutWhoWeAreNewYorkFTPress
BowlbyJohn1969AttachmentandLossVol1AttachmentNewYorkBasicBooks
BowlbyJohn1972AttachmentandLossVol2SeparationAnxietyandAngerNewYorkBasicBooks
BrezsnyRob2009PronoiaIstheAntidoteforParanoiaRevisedandExpandedHowtheWholeWorldisConspiringtoShowerYouwithBlessingsBerkeleyCANorthAtlanticBooks
BrobergAndersG2000ldquoAReviewofInterventionsintheParentndashChildRelationshipInformedbyAttachmentTheoryrdquoActaPaeligdiatrica89(434)37ndash42
BryantEdwinFed2009TheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliANewEditionTranslationandCommentaryNewYorkFarrarStrausandGiroux
DavidsonRichard2012TheEmotionalLifeofYourBrainHowItsUniquePatternsAffecttheWayYouThinkFeelandLivemdashandHowYouCanChangeThemNewYorkHudsonStreetPress
DiamondLisaM2001ldquoContributionsofPsychophysiologytoResearchonAdultAttachmentReviewandRecommendationsrdquoPersonalityandSocialPsychologyReview5(4)276ndash95
DiemerDeedre1998TheABCsofChakraTherapyAWorkbookYorkBeach
MaineSamuelWeiserInc
FreudSigmund1953ldquoMourningandMelancholiardquoInCollectedPapersVolIVeditedbyErnestJones152ndash70LondonTheHogarthPress
GardnerJames2002ldquoSomaticAspectsofLossandGriefrdquoNotesforUCBerkeleyExtensionContinuingEducationWorkshopBerkeleyCalifOctober26ndash27
GardnerJames2010ldquoTheAnxietyToolboxProgramrdquohttpwwwanxietytoolboxcomtoolboxindexhtm
GibranKahlil2005ldquoSilentSorrowrdquoInTheKahlilGibranReaderInspirationalWritingstranslatedbyAnthonlyRFerris59ndash61NewYorkCitadelPress
GoetheJohannWolfgangvon(attributed)DateunknownFromldquoUntilOneIsCommittedhelliprdquobyMeredithLeeGoetheSocietyofNorthAmericalastmodifiedMarch51998httpwwwgoethesocietyorgpagesquotescomhtml
LowenAlexander1994BioenergeticsTheRevolutionaryTherapyThatUsestheLanguageoftheBodytoHealtheProblemsoftheMindNewYorkPenguinArkana
LuncheHowardJ1999UnderstandingGriefAGuidefortheBereavedBerkeleyCASVLPress
MainMaryandJudithSolomon1986ldquoDiscoveryofanInsecureDisorientedAttachmentPatternProceduresFindingsandImplicationsfortheClassificationofBehaviorrdquoInAffectiveDevelopmentinInfancyeditedbyTBerryBrazeltonandMichaelYogmanNewYorkAblexPublishing
PanagotacosVicki2012ldquoDefiningandEnvisioningSelfrdquoInTechniquesofGriefTherapyCreativePracticesforCounselingtheBereavededitedbyRobertANeimeyerNewYorkRoutledge
Pascual-LeoneAlvaro2001ldquoTheBrainThatPlaysMusicandIsChangedByItrdquoAnnalsoftheNewYorkAcademyofSciences930315ndash29
PertCandace1997MoleculesofEmotionWhyYouFeeltheWayYouFeelNewYorkScribner
Pittman-SchulzKimberley2011ldquoLightHeldTogetherByWaterrdquoTheSunMagazineOctober162011
PrashantLyn2002TheArtofTransformingGriefAPracticalGuideforCombiningConventionalandComplementaryMind-BodyTherapiesSanAnselmoCalifSelf-published
PrashantLyn2005Keynotespeechatthe12thAnnualNationalAlzheimerrsquosConferenceMayoClinicRochesterMinnNovember
RandoTherese1993TreatmentofComplicatedMourningChampaignIllResearchPress
RawatPremPalSingh1990March16LectureatThePremRawatFoundationBuenosAiresArgentina
ReichWilhelm1949CharacterAnalysisNewYorkFarrarStrausandGiroux
RosenbaumBentandSverreVarvin2007ldquoTheInfluenceofExtremeTraumatizationonBodyMindandSocialRelationsrdquoInternationalJournalofPsychoanalysis88(6)1527ndash42
SatyanandaSwami1976FourChaptersonFreedomBiharIndiaYogaPublicationsTrust
SatyanandaSwami1985KundaliniTantraBiharIndiaYogaPublicationsTrust
SelbyJohn1992KundaliniAwakeningAGentleGuidetoChakraActivationandSpiritualGrowthNewYorkBantamBooks
StrykerRod2011TheFourDesiresCreatingaLifeofPurposeHappinessProsperityandFreedomNewYorkDelcortePress
SubramuniyaswamiSivaya1999WeaverrsquosWisdomAncientPreceptsforaPerfectLifeKapaaHIHimalayanAcademy
UlvestadElling2012ldquoPsychoneuroimmunologyTheExperientialDimensionrdquoMethodsinMolecularBiology93421ndash37
VandenBergBellisAlbertWongPetervanderVeldenHendriekBoshuizenandLindaGrievink2012ldquoDisasterExposureasaRiskFactorforMentalHealthProblemsEighteenMonthsFourandTenYearsPost-DisasterALongitudinalStudyrdquoBMCPsychiatry12147ndash60
WhitleyBellKaren2010LivingattheEndofLifeAHospiceNurseAddressestheMostCommonQuestionsNewYorkSterlingPublishing
WeintraubAmy2004YogaforDepressionACompassionateGuidetoRelieveSufferingThroughYogaNewYorkBroadwayBooks
WordenJWilliam2009GriefCounselingandGriefTherapyAHandbookfortheMentalHealthPractitioner4thedNewYorkSpringerPublishingCo
AntonioSausysMAIGTCMTRYTisasomaticpsychotherapistandyogainstructorspecializing inone-on-oneyoga therapy forpeoplewithchronicandacutemedicalconditionsaswellasemotionalimbalanceHestudiedwithyogamasters and teachers such as Indra Devi Swami Maitreyananda and LarryPayne He has continued his professional development with training inintegrative grief therapy with Lyn Prashant foot reflexology SwedishtherapeuticmassageandReikiAntonioteachesandlecturesperiodicallyattheUniversityofCaliforniaBerkeleyattheCaliforniaInstituteofIntegralStudiesKripaluCenterforYogaandHealthHeisamemberoftheWorldYogaCounciltheInternationalAssociationofYogaTherapistsandtheAssociationforDeathEducationandCounselingHeisthefounderandexecutivedirectorofYogaforHealthmdashthe International Yoga Therapy Conference and television host forYogiViewsFormoreinformationvisityogaforgriefreliefcom
TheauthorthankshisfreelanceeditorElliottVogel forhiscreativeassistanceonYogaforGriefReliefVogelisafreelancewriterandeditorAstudentofyogaforovertenyearsVogelrsquosjourneystudyingthephilosophyandpracticeofyogaoriginatedunderthetutelageofthebookrsquosauthorAntonioSausysHecurrentlyresidesinMillValleyCA
Foreword writer Lyn Prashant PhD FT IGT SYVC is a somaticthanatologist certified grief counselor massage therapist yoga instructorauthorandinternationalpresenterSheisthedirectorandfounderofDegriefingreg
(IntegrativeGriefTherapy)andtheInstituteofSomaticThanatology
- Contents
- Acknowledgments
- Foreword
- Introduction
- Grief A Normal Response to Loss
-
- Defining Grief The Western View
- Four Tasks of Mourning A Road Map for the Grieving Process
- Grief and the Brain
-
- Yoga and Grief
-
- The Five Spokes on the Wheel of Suffering
- Griefrsquos Challenge to Spirituality
- Love Beyond Attachment
-
- How the Yoga for Grief Relief Practice Works
-
- How This Practice Was Born
- The Active Principles of the Practice
- How the Practice Functions as a Whole
-
- What You Can Do The Yoga Practice
-
- Accepting Life Fully
- Unblocking the Flow of the Life Force
- Whisking Up the Feelings
- Let Go
- Sleep Better and Awaken to a New Perspective
- Control Is Somehow Possible
- Bringing Calm to a Scattered Mind and a Distressed Body
- Dissolving Old Patterns and Reprogramming the Mind with Intention
- Opening to Spirit
-
- Designing the Logistical Aspects of Your Practice
-
- Setting the Intention
- Should You Practice Alone or Under Guidance
- Is It Better to Practice Individually or in a Group
- Is It Safe to Do This Practice by Yourself
- Which Exercises Are Best for Me
- Where Should I Practice
- When Should I Practice
- For How Long Should I Practice
- Your Practice Changes as You Do
-
- The Process of Transformation
-
- Finding a New Identity After Loss
- How Can the Transformation Be Accomplished
- What Are the Possible Meanings of Finding a New Identity After Loss
-
- Conclusion
- Glossary
- References
-
Acknowledgments
My deep gratitude goes to Lyn Prashant Her immense knowledge of theimplicationsofgriefforthebodyinformedandenlightenedmyunderstandingofthis difficult time for the human heart Her insightfulmentorship transformedandenligthenedmyprofessionaloutlookHercompassionandprofoundabilitytoholdspacesupportedmethroughthetransformationofmyownbereavementHergentleyetfiercecommitmenttothetruthofthesoulmovedmetolevelsofdepthstillmanifesting inmy life todayHerwisdomanddedication toservingothersinspiredmyworkIrsquomhonoredtohavehadtheopportunitytodeveloptheseedsheplantedwithinmeandIthanktheuniversalorderforhavingourpathsmeetinthislifetime
I thank Elliott Vogel whose patience dedication and creative assistancehelpedshapemywritingwhilepreservingmyownvoiceHiseditstranslatedthelanguage of my heart into adequate words that now reach the ears of thosewillingtolisten
AnimageisworthathousandwordsMysincerethankstoBryanHendonapowerfulhumanbeingwithawizardinhiseyesSeeingmyselfthroughhislensgavemeconfidenceandrevealedarenewedimageofmyself
Thanks tomy dearwifeKatiawho supportedme in somany loving andrespectfulways throughout theprocessofwriting thisbookHerbeliefguidedme back tomy self-trust so that I could continue she helpedme remove theobstaclesagainandagainThankyousweetie
Finally I must thank the wisdom of Yoga that pouring through my lifeturnedmeintoahumblevehicleoftheuniversalknowledgeweallabideby
Foreword
In1984IwaslivingattheLivingDyingProjectinSantaFeNewMexicowithmy young husbandMark He was exploring the nature of his life and deathprovokedbytheextremeafflictionofmetastasizedheadandneckcancerIwasnewlymarriedandboththegrievingwifeanddesignatedsurvivorWithMarkrsquosdeathDegriefing(IntegrativeGriefTherapy)wasbornandmylifersquosworkwasshowntome
AtfirstIquestionedhowIwasgoingtocontinuetofindmeaninginmysolojourneyIaskedMarkldquoWhoamIWhodiesWheredoyougoWhatamItodowiththerestofmyliferdquo
ldquoLearntoloveeverythingasyoulovemerdquowashissimplystatedresponseIsoughtoutprofessionals tohelpme learn todo that andyet felt invisiblenotheardnotseenIdidnrsquotevenunderstandhowtobegintolookformeAcaringand concerned friend treated me to my first experience of truly consciousbodyworkwhichhelpedmebegintotoleratebeinginmyskin
Ialsonoted thatwhenIcoaxedmygrievingbody intosomeyogaposes Ifelt the molecular shift of my internal particles reorganizing As an athletephysical education teacher and coach I saw how the physical body not onlyneedsitsownexpressionbutactuallydemandsphysicalreleaseThisresetsthebalance of the many interconnected complex biological systems involved ingriefMythinkingwasclearerafterarunoradanceoraswimIsawthatwhenIengagedmybodyIfeltenergizedratherthandrainedIwasfeelingalifeforceinside ofme resurging How could this beWas this okayWould I losemyconnectionwithMarkifthepainstartedtosubsideThisforcethisfuelwhatisitforhellipTodowhathellipToknowwhatIwasreappearinginanewversionofmyever-changingself
As I was preparing to graduate from the Grief Counseling CertificationProgramattheGraduateSchoolofProfessionalPsychologyatJFKUniversityIwas offered a position as the director of the first holistic health spa in thesouthernconeofSouthAmericaBeforedepartingtheSanFranciscoBayAreaIstatedIwouldmanifestthemostamazingyogateacherinSouthAmericaThisstatement actualized itself whenAntonio interviewed for the position of yogainstructoronthespastaffIsharedmyvisionofworkingwiththebereavedand
askedifhewouldliketoparticipateHisresponsewaspassionateandgenuineexhibitingcontinuedinterestdevotionandcommitment
YogaforGriefReliefisanoffshootoftheDegriefingprocessrepresentingtheworkof IntegrativeGriefTherapyat its core It directly relates to somaticthanatology which uses integrative therapeutic interventions as externalizingtoolsinvolvingthebodymindandspiritEachindividualchoosesandusesthetoolsthatwillhelphimorhernavigatetheuncharteredwatersofgriefYogaisthe master transformer by offering teaching and options for everything andeveryone Grief turns us inside out and upside down and so does yogacompassionately lovingly individually itmeetsuswhereweare inourselvesYogaguidesustoawayoflifethatpromoteshealthyintentionalchangeItisawayofself-loveandloveforall
IsawinAntoniotheinfinitepossibilitiesandwide-rangingopportunitiesforhimtoassistthebereavedIfoundthathishighlyskilledapproachalongwithhisexpert training in both the yogic tradition and body-oriented psychotherapyprovidedhimwithamind-bodybalancecosmicallysuitedforhislifeworkasayogamasterHeisdevotedtothehighestgoodforeveryoneandisalovingandfiercetaskmastertransmittingtheknowledgeoftheyogicwayoflivingIknewthatAntoniowastheonetocarryforththeDegriefingworkthroughYoga
ItisallhereinthisimportantbookItdelicatelycombinesandcorrelatestheuseofEasternwisdomwithWesternphilosophyWearegrievinggloballyandneedadoseofuniversalknowledgetopromotebalancewithineachoneofus
This book is a gift a friend and a tool It offers maps to demystify andnormalize aspects of grieving by presenting options for transforming ourphysical grief balancing systems compromised by its profound and humblingeffectsSincewearejumbledscatteredandshatteredalreadyweareinaprimeposition to integratenewcopingskills fora lifebased in thebuddingsenseofournewlyrevealedpersonalreality
InYogaforGriefReliefwelearntoexpressnotrepresstoexternalizenotinternalizetobreatheagainandrelocateallourlossestoourheartcentersowecan thrive within our newly met self Antoniorsquos work has furthered thedevelopment of Degriefingrsquos basic premises and illuminates the process ofworking with our grief Yoga provides support for all the systems and is thecontainerforintegrationofmind-body-spirit
Read and cherish this book digest it share it and embody the relief youseekWith the teachings of yoga and Antoniorsquos astute guidance take a deepbreathandbuckleyourpsychicseatbeltYouareonyourwayhome
mdashLynPrashantPhD
Introduction
GriefisaradicalopportunitytotransformourawarenessbutfewofusknowitWhenIwastwentyyearsoldmymotherdiedofastrokeFortwoandahalfyears I lived in a state of denial completely disconnected frommy feelingsWhenIwasfinallyabletobewithmypainIdiscoveredtomyastonishmentthatmybodyhadcreatedanadditionalcalciumdepositbetweenoneofmyribsandthebreastbonemdashwhatthebodywillsometimesdoinresponsetoafractureIn essence what my mind had been hiding my body showed with pristineclarityIhadabrokenheart
As life continued after the loss of my mother I began training with LynPrashant an outstanding grief counselor and therapist and creator of theDegriefingprocessacomprehensivemind-bodyapproachtogrieftherapyShehelpedmelearnthatgriefisoneofourleast-tappedsourcesofself-knowledgeSometime after starting to work together Lyn asked me to develop a yogapractice to address the body-centered effects of grief which can range fromfeelings of lethargy to dull aches tightness in the chest cavity shortness ofbreathandsleeplessnessIwaswellequippedthroughmytrainingasasomaticpsychotherapist and yoga teacher But it was my own personal experience ofgrief that led me to build a sadhana or spiritual discipline that eventuallybecameaholisticpracticeIcallYogaforGriefRelief
Today many of us though we donrsquot know it live in a perpetual state ofunacknowledgedgriefTherearemanyreasonsfor thisOneprimaryreason isthatweliveinasocietythatoftenshiesawayfromthepowerfulemotionsthatgriefpresentstousWeareoftenstoiclumberingthroughlosswithoutfeelingreturningtoworkorourdailylivesafterthelosslikenothinghappenedweburyourgriefdeepinsideofuswhereitremainstrappedbothinbodyandmind
Griefhappens in thebody yet thephysical symptoms that comeup in thegrievingprocessarenotalwaysdealtwithasdirectlyas theyshouldbeThesesymptomsarejustascommontothegrievingprocessasmentalandemotionalsymptomsandrequirejustasmuchattentioninordertobetreatedTalktherapycanbewonderfulbuttoooftenthebody-centeredeffectsofgriefgetsubsumedundertheemotionalissuesbeingdealtwithApersoncanatthesametimeandwith not much difficulty experience relief from these physical symptoms byperformingafewbasicexercisesTheseexercisesknowncollectivelyasyoga
weredevelopedmorethansixthousandyearsagobypeoplegiftedinthementalpowersofintuitionTheyrealizeddirectlywhatweintheWestarebeginningtounderstand today through the advent ofmodern science that the humanmindandbodytrulyshareaconnectionandinfluenceoneanotherandthat throughpracticeonecanlivefreelyinanabundanceofjoyandpresenceofSpirit
AbundanceofjoyYoumaythinkyouhavepickedupthewrongbooksincethesepagesare focusedongriefand themethods thatcanhelp thosesufferingfromitseffectsButIhaveexperiencedfirsthandthejoyyogacanprovideamidthemostoverwhelmingsorrowthehealingbroughtaboutbytheperformanceofsimple physical movements and different breathing techniquesmdashpractices youmayalreadybefamiliarwithWhatthisbookoffersisnotaldquoretreatrdquofromgriefnoraldquoreleaserdquofromgriefbutsimplysomerelieffromgriefOnceweareabletoworkphysicallywith the new reality loss has thrown us intowewill then beabletobetterunderstandwhatitisthathashappenedtousOnceweareabletoacknowledgethatononehandourliveswillneverbethesameandthatontheother hand all the potential of the universe lies within us a different picturestartstoemerge
LynPrashant affirms that ldquowedonrsquot get over our losseswe transformourrelationship to themrdquo and I agree with her one hundred percent Grief is apowerfulsourceofinformationaboutwhowearewhenwedaretolookThereisanaturalprogressionfromonetotheotherandifweareabletotransformourrelationship togrief inaway that results in improvedself-knowledge thenwecan establish a new identity We identify ourselves through the persons andthingsweareattachedtowhenwelosethemwelosepartofwhoweareYetwecontinuebeingonlyinawaythatisnotknowntousTheprocessoffindingoutwhothenewldquoonerdquoisismultilayeredItinvolvesunderstandinganddealingwith thephysical symptomsofgriefactuallycompleting thegrievingprocessandreidentifyingourselvesnotbasedonpreconceivedorprelearnednotionsbutinstead on our true essence the onewersquove come somuch closer to thanks tohavingbeenstrippedofourpreviousidentityForthattohappenwemustworkThesadhana Irsquovedevelopedoffersapracticemdashthefoundationfor theworkwemustdomdashandalongthewayIrsquollsharetoolstohelpusreapthebenefitsweareafter
Bysittingwithawarenesswestart toaccept thechangeswearenowfacedwithAsweconsciouslyworkwithandevenchallengeourlearnedreactionsweask What starts to emerge from the chaos that loss leaves behind It is agroundedindividualonewhoisable toaccept thenewrealityandtocontinuewithlifeacalmpractitionerevenacuriousyogiAndwhydowepracticeItis
for the same reason that people inmodern-day India sat in yogic postures sixthousandyearsagopracticingmeditationbecausethedesiretoresolvesufferingisuniversalWeallneedcopingmechanismsweallneedtreatmentsthatsootheourrestlessmindsandourachingbodiesbutaboveallweneedtheknowledgethatcanbegainedsimplybybaskinginonersquosinnersilence
The practice I have developed for transforming grief from a painfulexperienceintoaconscioussourceofself-knowledgeisintroducedinthisbookin a six-part sequence breathing exercises body movements cleansingtechniquesrelaxationmentalreprogrammingandmeditation
Thebreathingtechniqueshelpbringbackasenseofcontroltotheindividualbymanipulatingthepranaorvitalforcewhichhelpsunitethegapbetweentheconscious and the unconscious The body movements serve to manage thebodyrsquosphysicalsymptomsofgriefparticularlyaddressingpainandotheracutesymptomsThecleansing techniqueshelp reset theendocrinesystemaffectingthe fight-or-flight responsewhich plays an essential role in the grief reactionandthefeelingsassociatedwith itRelaxation is includedwith the intentionofdiminishing the stress levels that increase during grief The powerful yogicprincipleofResolvehelpsresetmentalpatternsandfocusesthemindtowardthetransformationofgriefFinallymeditationisusedtoaddresstheSpiritoncethebody is still and the mind is calm that which is neither body nor mind canmanifestmoreclearly
Themainasana (physical posture) of theYoga forGriefRelief practice iscalled theWindmill Symbolically the windmill serves as an analogy for theprocessoftransformationofgriefintoanewidentityTheforcesoftheunknownmdashthewindmdashpowerthemechanismsofthewindmilljustasthemysteryoflosscreatesachurninginthedepthsofourownselvesAsthewindmillutilizesthesometimeswildanddestructiveforceofwindenergytomechanicallytransformhardgrains intoedible flour the techniques in this sadhana can transformourSpiritsleftvacantbylossbutopentoreceivingtheknowledgethatexistswithinusJustasthegrainbeingpulverizedresultsinafinerqualityofflourtheyogaexercisessharedhereoperateataneurochemicallevelimprovingourmoodandstrengtheningourresolveinthefaceofinsurmountablelossNotonlydoesthephysical component of the practice make us feel better new patterns areestablished that link the conscious performance of certain exercises with anoverallsenseofwell-beingMoreneuroscientistsarediscoveringthatourbrainsare resilient organs capable of far more than we had previously given themcreditforespeciallyintherealmofemotionaldisordersandaddictionButtheconclusionsofmodernneuroscienceall seem topoint tooneessential truthof
biological determinism practice makes perfect Our brains are capable ofreformation but they require discipline Yoga is an ancient art one whosefounders realized the importance of practice for physical results in the bodylastingimpressionsoftranquilityinthemindandtheevolutionofthesoul
It is the techniques themselves that are the inspiration for this book ThepracticemdashanditseffectsmdashresonatesstronglyinmylifetodayandinthoseofmystudentswhohaveengagedinitTheaimofthispracticeistohelpyouacceptthe realityof lossand thenwork through thepainofgriefOnceapersoncanadjusttothisnewsituationorenvironmentwithoutthelovedonethenheorshecan emotionally reinvest the love attached to the lost person or object andembarkonanewlife
When lateron in lifemyfatherpassedawaydespitemyknowledgeof thegrievingprocessandtheawarenessIhaveaboutwhatpracticescanhelptraverseit nothing could save me from experiencingmdashagainmdashthat deep pain of lossThere is noway around grief going through it is the only healthyway ThisbookandthetechniquesIdemonstrateherearenotawayofldquogettingovergriefrdquoInstead of avoiding the feelings these techniques are designed to help younavigate through emotions that are not always pleasant Because of myexperienceasayogatherapistIhadanawarenessofwhatsomeofmyreactionsweregoingtobewhenmyfatherdiedandIknewIhadtoolsIcouldutilizetohelp normalize those reactions and emerge anew It ismyhope that this bookwillofferawindowtotheuniquewayyouexperienceyourowngriefandgiveyousomesimpletechniquesthatwillhelpyousafelyexplorethatexperience
Youmay benefit from reading this book if you are looking to explore orwork with grief in the intimacy of a home yoga practice or existing studioworkoutifyouwouldliketocomplementthegrieftherapythatyouarealreadyengaged in or if you work with grieving individuals in your profession andwouldliketointegratetheknowledgeofyogaintoyourexistingtoolbox
Inchapter1youwill find information thatwillhelpnormalizeyourgriefYouwillstarttounderstandtheuniquenessofyourgrievingprocessandatthesame time acknowledge someuniversal truths about it In chapter2 youwilllearnsomeofthesuccinctwisdomofyogawhichwillhelpyouunderstandgriefinadifferentculturalcontextandhowparticularenergycenters(chakras)reactwhenwegrieveThewisdomteachingsareaknowledgethatisinactioninallofusregardlessofourbackgroundsorbeliefsystems
Inchapter3youwilllearnabouteachgeneralcategoryofpracticeandhowtheycanbeusedtoaddressdifferentaspectsofthegrievingprocessChapter4
presentstheexercisesinasimplehow-tomannerincludinghoweachtechniquecan help transform grief Chapter 5 offers guidance on how to set up yourpracticeaccording towhatrsquospossible foryouandwhatyourpersonal intentionisThis chapter also showsyouhow to start framingyour ideal conditions forpractice identifying what you want to accomplish along with any possiblebarriersInanycasewhatrsquosmostimportantisthatyoumeetyourselfwhereyouareItmaysoundsimplebutisoftenachallengeforthosefacedwithloss
AfterlearningthetechniquesandstartingtoplanhowtointegratethemintoyourlifeyouwilldiscoverhowtheyogapracticeservesthegreaterprocessoftransformationthatawakensyourspiritualconnectionwithlifeInchapter6youwilllearntoidentifyoldpatternsandwaysofthinkingyouwouldliketodiscardandpromote thoseyounowwelcomeaspartof the journey towardyourmostcompleteversionofyourselfThoughyoumightnotyethavefinishedgrievingyoucan start to seeways inwhich theexperienceofgrief serves to transformyourlifebygettingtothecoreofwhoyoureallyare
AsyoureadthroughthisbookremembertobegentlewithyourselfUsethisbookasaguidedrawfrom itwhenneededand remember that inorder tobeeffective these techniquesneed to bepracticed Intellectual information is notwhatweareafter Ifourmindscould solve themysteryof lossandgriefyouwould not be reading this book nor would I have written it I hope that inreading this book and throughyour ownpractice youmay access the hiddengiftthatliestrappedinthepainfulexperienceofgrief
Chapter1
GriefANormalResponsetoLoss
Grief affects the physical mental spiritual and emotional aspects of ourhumanityItisournormalreactiontolossbutthistruismdoesnotmakeitanyeasiertodealwithWeseemtoliveasifthethingsweareattachedtoarealwaysgoing to be thereAndmany of uswere raised in cultures that do not openlyacknowledge grief When faced with the pain and shock of loss we feelawkward clueless and confused overwhelmed and unprepared to begin tosootheourselvesAphraseheardfrequentlyfromgrievingpeopleisldquoIfeelasifIamgoingcrazyrdquoSomeconsider theprocessofbereavement tobean illnessrather than a normal part of the human condition that seeks outlet andexpression The cries of heartbreak allow the body to achieve balance byfacilitatingthereleaseofstresshormonesandsoothingsomeofthephysicalpainencounteredingrief
People experience grief in different ways We experience a vast array ofemotionalandphysicalsymptomsfromtheagitatedandanxioustothelethargicanddepressedfrombodyachesandmusclestiffness todisruptionsinsleepingandeatinghabitsThecommonfactor inall thesesymptomsishowourbrainsareinvolvedinthegrievingprocessCurrentresearchexploringtherolethatthebrainplays inemotional life isdiscussedlater in thischapter inldquoGriefandtheBrainrdquo
Yoga forGriefRelief is an entireprogramdesigned to support and informyou in all aspects of bereavement Itrsquos important to recognize that while thegrieving process is profoundly uncomfortable it is actually normalHowevercomplicatedgrief that continues toprovokeunhealthybehaviorsover the longterm and that takes an extreme toll on the griever is often better served byprofessionalhelp
DefiningGriefTheWesternViewGriefisapervasiveforceendemictothehumanconditionandanessentialpartofouremotionalmakeupEachculturerelatestogriefuniquelyWhereyougrewup how openwas your society to discussing issues that produce griefWhatcommonfuneraryritualsdidyourcultureprovideWhatvalueswereextolledby
yourfamilyDidpeopleinyourlifetypicallydieathomeorinhospitalsDidyougrowupinalargehouseholdorareyouanonlychild
The answers to these questions can and often do significantly influencereactionstolossJust thinkofhowagrievermayexperiencehisorhersorrowdifferentlyifinUruguayorintheUnitedStatesItisthecustominUruguaythatfamilyandclose friends spend thenightwith themourner immediatelyafter adeathtosharethepainandsorrowstayingawakethankstoafewcupsofcoffeeThentogethertheysayfarewelltothedeceasedandputtheremainstorestIntheUnitedStatesamorecommonwayofaccompanyingamourneristoattendawakeaneventthatoccurssometimeafterthedeathinwhichpeopletellfunnystoriesmentiongoodqualitiesoftheonegoneandthencelebratethedeceasedrsquoslifelavishlywithalcoholandfood
Alsoconsideran individual living inasociety that setsasideaspecialdayforrememberingandcelebratingthedeadversusapersonlivinginaculturethatfinds the outward exposure of sorrow socially inappropriate and lacking tasteTheseculturaldifferencesalsoaffecttheopinionsviewsandbeliefsofWesternpsychologists and clinicians who often assume very contradictory views tothoseofthemonksandswamisItrainedwithduringmyinitiationtoyoga
My dual training in the fields of somatic psychotherapy and the timelesswisdom of Yoga has allowed me to experience both worldviews firsthandRegrettablyWestern culture tends to sweepgrief under the rug by ignoring itentirely or compartmentalizing it Only minimal attention to grief is allowedeffectively preventing us from understanding its nature It is skillful to askourselvesquestionssuchasldquoWhatisthefirstgreatlossIremembersufferingWhocouldItalktoHowdidIcopewiththeexperienceHowdidthepeoplearoundme actrdquoThis inquiry encourages self-awareness and understanding ofhow your family and cultural background influence your relationship to yourowngrieftoday
DespitetherichvarietyofanswerstothesequestionsIwouldliketostartbysaying that grief is our natural response to lossmdashany loss Traditionally wethink of grief as being the range of emotional and psychological responsesexperiencedafterthedeathofsomeoneweloveButdeathisnottheonlytypeoflossthatelicitsgriefSomemightfeelgriefoverthelossofaprizedpossessionapetajobadreamortheiryouthInfactIhavewitnessedhumansgrievingthelossofperceivedinvincibilityafterbreakingabonethediscontinuationofaregularlyscheduledTVshoworafavoritebrandofsneakersorhavingreachedtheendofadeliciousnovelThecombinedeffectsofourlossesbigandsmallmajorandminoraccumulateinourbodiesThejudgmentthatsomelossesare
trivial and are therefore unimportant to consider can exacerbate feelings ofconfusion isolation and shame This can interfere with a grieverrsquos ability toaccepttherealityofwhereheorsheisinhisorherpersonalprocess
TwoTypesofLosses
Identifyingprimaryandsecondary losses ishelpful forcompassionateself-reflectionTheinitiallosstheonethatoccursfirstisusuallyreferredtoastheprimary loss Losses that occur as a result of this underlying primary loss areknownassecondarylosses
Primary lossesaremoreeasily identifiedwhile the secondaryonescanbemore subtle and perhaps underacknowledged with regard to their profoundemotional intensity For example a woman whose marriage ends in divorce(primaryloss)whothensufferstheexclusionofeventspreviouslyfoundonhersocial calendar (secondary loss) is dealingwith the exponential effects of thecombined losses Perhaps her ex-husband is still being invited to events orperhapshercoupled friendsareuncomfortablewithhernewsinglestatusThesecondarylossnamedhereisthelossofhersocialnetwork
It is important to acknowledge that while each primary loss occurs onlyonce secondary losses may continue to occur and are therefore experiencedfrequently In the previous example thewoman experienced the divorce onlyoncebutthelossofhersocialnetworkisfelteverytimesheisnotinvitedoutbyldquotheirrdquo friends In addition the burden of assuming roles and responsibilitiesformerlyhandledbyherexmdashsuchaspayingthemortgagebillcheckingtheairinthetiresormanagingthehouseholdinwaysshehasnothadtobeforemdashisaconstant painful reminder of all that has been lost since the divorce Thesecondary loss continually retriggers her grief due to the primary loss of thehusband
In another example losing all of onersquos family heirlooms in a house fire(primary loss) might evoke the experience of severing onersquos ancestral past(secondary loss)Secondary lossesarenrsquotalways recognizedasvalidcausesofgriefbuttheycanbringontremendoussorrowandrepeatedlyreignitethepainthatwasexperiencedfromtheprimaryloss
SymptomsofGrief
Although no two individuals grieve in the same way there is someconsistencyintheemotionalphysicalandmentalsymptomsassociatedwiththegrievingprocessSomeofthemostcommonlyacknowledgedfeelingsthatrelateto grief can be seen in the following table (adapted with permission fromLunche1999)
EMOTIONALSYMPTOMSOFGRIEF
Shocknumbness
Sadness
Emptiness
Feelinghelpless
Feelingoutofcontrol
Anger
Guiltregret
Resentment
Depression
Lonelinesslongingyearning
Fearanxietyinsecurity
Feelingsofbetrayaldisloyalty
Diminishedself-concern
Sorrowfortheonewhodied
Desiretojointhedeceased
Suicidalfeelings
Table1Emotionalsymptomsofgrief
Even though sadness is the feeling most commonly expressed while
grieving a wide range of emotions is often determined by the quality of therelationship we had with whatrsquos been lost as well as by the circumstancessurrounding the lossAs you can see from the Emotional Symptoms ofGrieftable the impact of our grief may present many complex combinations ofemotionsaffectingusdistinctly
OneexampleofthismightbewhenanabusivehusbanddiesmdashthewifecouldfeelmorerelievedthansadWhenafathercommitssuicidethechildrenheleftbehindmaybecopingwiththeirshameandangermorethanwithdepressionInmy personal and professional experience when a relationship that was morepositiveendsfeelingsofdepressionareverylikelytosurfaceWhereasthemoreconflictedarelationshipisthegreaterthelikelihoodisthatangerandguiltwillappear
Myfatherand I finallydevelopedapristine friendshipaftermanyyearsofnot getting along What soothed my heart most after he passed were thenurturing memories of our newly established friendship Because wepainstakingly attended to all our unfinished business I could grieve his losswithoutregretorambivalenceBeingatthatpointinourrelationshipatthetimeof his passing permittedme to connectwith themore profoundly painful andchallenging aspects of my grief process and be present to experience theemotionallyjoyousandpleasantmemoriesbubblingupinsideme
FourTasksofMourningARoadMapfortheGrievingProcess
GriefpresentsuswithtremendousdualityWegrievebothuniquelyaccordingtoourlifersquosvariablesanduniversallyasallhumansdoLeadersinthefieldhavenoted specific elements of grieving suggesting they need to be addressed inordertofulfillanormalprocessSomeofthemnametheseelementsasldquostagesrdquoothersasldquophasesrdquoofgriefBothtermssuggest tomesomethingmorestaleorpassiveinnatureOfall thinkersJWilliamWorden(2009)offers themodelIfind best suited to the yogic ideal of practice In his model he names theseelements ldquotasksrdquo a term that clearly denotes the dynamism the process reallyinvolvesItprovidesanactivewaytomovethroughgriefrsquoscommonemotionalstatesWordenrsquosFourTasksofMourningare
To accept the reality of the lossAccepting the reality of the loss toWorden implies recognizing that ldquoreunion with the departed isimpossible at least in this liferdquo (39) Worden describes a searchingbehavior that is common at this level of grieving whereby a grievingpersonmightldquoseerdquothedeceasedwalkinginacrowdandrecognizeheronly then to be confronted with the reminder of her death Variousdegreesofdenialcouldbeinvolvedinordertoavoidacceptingtherealityoftheloss
To process the pain of grief The second task involves consciouslyworking with the pain of grief Worden states ldquoIt is necessary toacknowledgeandworkthroughthispainoritcanmanifestitselfthroughphysicalsymptomsorsomeformofaberrantbehaviorrdquo(44)Thissecondtask of mourning is of special significance to yoga because of theconnectionwithconsciousworkanddedicatedpractice
To adjust to a world without the deceased Worden identifies threeareasofadjustmentthataretobereckonedwithafterthelossofalovedone External adjustments relate to how coping with loss affects oureveryday life (egwhatdowedowith theworkinghourswhenwersquovejust lost a job) Internal adjustments refer to how death affects self-definitionself-esteemandonersquossenseofself-efficacy(eghowcanaspouse feel like awhole self again after losing his partner) Spiritualadjustmentsimplydealingwiththechallengesofourbeliefsystemsandvaluesasdeathshakesthefoundationofonersquosassumptionsoftheworld(eg the faithful believer questioning the existence of a justGod afterfeelingthathisprayershavenotbeenheard)
To find an enduring connection with the deceased in the midst ofembarking on a new life Worden asserts that it is essential that themourner find newways to continue honoring the deceased while stillremaining focused on creating a new life Freud (1953) describes themental process of mourning as summoning mental images of the lostlovedonedetachingthepreviouslyinvestedloveandreestablishingthefreedomofthemindWordensuggeststhatwedonotentirelyrecycletheemotionalenergypreviouslyinvestedhecitescurrentresearchthatstatesthat maintaining an active awareness of the deceased person providescomfortandstrengthtothebereaved
Although each task is essential to the process of mourning the tasksthemselves are not linear After completing all four we may be prompted torevisitanyoreachofthem
Mostofoureffortsdealingwithgriefaregeared towardavoidingsufferingfromtheunusuallyimmensepainlossinflictsonusItisDrWordenrsquosopinionthat the fulfillment of all Four Tasks of Mourning is essential to promote ahealthy and normal grieving process Otherwise we may fall into what isconsideredacomplicatedgrievingprocess Insomecasesanindividualrsquosgriefreactionisprolongedbecominganalmostchronicconditionthatmayneverbefullyresolved
Examining examples of complicated grief we often see the actualmanifestation of symptoms showing up at amuch later time in response to amorerecentunexpectedlossThisexaggeratedreactioncanmanifestasorturnintoaspecificmentalconditionsuchasclinicaldepressionInothersthegriefappearsdisguisedbysymptomsandbehaviorsthatwhileseeminglyunrelatedtogriefareactuallyexamplesofldquomaskedrdquogrief(Worden2009)Itisimportanttodifferentiate thesemarkersofcomplicatedgrief fromthenaturalway inwhichgriefoccursdownthelinecomingbackunexpectedlyattimesinrelationtolifeeventsandother timesseemingly randomandpresentinguswith feelingsandsymptomsoftheoldgriefThisconceptiswellexpressedintheworkofThereseRando who coined the term STUG Sudden Temporary Upsurge of Grief(1993)
Grief triggers grief Fresh loss naturally triggers memories feelings andsymptoms related to a previous loss Sometimes we are truly shocked at thetremendous intensity of our feelings When others who are close to usexperience loss it can easily trigger our owngrief and cause us to revisit oldlossesevenifwefeelwehavedealtwiththemalreadyPerhapsthisisareasonwhypeoplerecoilfromhearingaboutanotherrsquosgrieforbecomeuncomfortablewhentheywitnesspeopleexhibittheirgriefopenlyCounselorstherapistsandhospiceworkerswhoworkwithgrief regularly see theirowngrief retriggeredandcansufferfromtheeffectsofldquocaregiverrsquosburdenrdquo
Regardless of howour grief originates the key element is that in order togrieve a loss we need to have developed a strong emotional connection withwhat has been lost or what it represents to us We need to have formed anattachment
AttachmentTheTrueRootofGrief
ldquoAttachmentrdquo is generally defined as a feeling that binds someone to aperson thing causeor idealThis is a remarkably similardescription towhatFreudstatedwhendescribingtheobjectofgriefduringmourning(Freud1953)Psychology views attachment as ldquoan evolved behavioral system designed toregulate infantsrsquo proximity to a protector and thereby maximize chances forsurvivalrdquo according to John Bowlby (Diamond 2001 277) Later on studiesconducted byMary Ainsworth concluded that there are three major styles ofattachmentsecureambivalent-insecureandavoidant-insecure(Broberg2000)
Researchers Main and Solomon (1986) added a fourth style known asdisorganized-insecureattachmentTheseearlyattachmentstylescanhelppredictbehaviors later in life especially adult romantic love For example when anindividual is able to gain comfort from his parents as a child (ldquosecureattachmentrdquo)hetendstohavegoodself-esteemasanadultOntheotherhandwhenachilddoesnotgainmuchcomfortorcontactfromhisparents(ldquoavoidantattachmentrdquo) he develops adult behaviors that invest little or no emotion insocialandromanticrelationships
In short our early attachments constitute our first awareness of thosewholove and care for us and influence how we love as adults No matter whatattachment style we develop we are all like these infantsmdashseeking survivalclingingtowhatisfamiliarLikeapacketoffoodcoloringreleasedintoapitcherof water we can see our attachments permeate the substance of our lifeAttachment is at the core of howwe form families and how our larger socialnetwork functions For us in theWest attachment is tantamount to love ldquoIf IloveyouIamattachedtoyoubeinghereforeverrdquoThisassociationissostrongthatactionsindicatingdetachmentareusuallyseenasasignofalackoflove
OurattachmentsinformuswhenwefeelathomewhenwearelonelyandwhenweareindangerEvenatachemicallevelthebondswemakewithhumanbeingsandotherobjectsaffectusWhenthesebondsbreakwecaninvestigatethepsychophysiologicaleffectsandnormalizethemanysomaticaspectsofgriefmanifesting asphysical symptomsNow letrsquosdiscoverwhat theperspectiveofpsychophysiologycanbringtoourunderstandingofgrief
GriefandtheBrainHow does the body express what the heart and mind are going throughCurrently there is not enoughmeasurable scientific data on grief and furtherresearch isstillneededMostof theexisting informationfocusesonvictimsoftraumaAlthoughalltraumainvolvesgriefitisimportanttorememberthatnot
all grief is traumatic Western psychology usually views the body as anafterthoughtproclaimingthatthegrievingprocesshappensmainlyinourmindsMore recent research in the areas of psychology immunology andendocrinologyrevealsdatathatshowshowemotionalprocesseslikegriefaffectmore than just our mental functioning Psychophysiology shows how life-changingeventsinfluencevirtuallyeveryareaofapersonrsquosphysicalandmentalconstitution from thought patterns to emotionalwell-being immune functionandoverallhealth(RosenbaumandVarvin2007Ulvestad2012VandenBerget al 2012) Western science is just now discovering and documentingconnectionsformulatedagesagofromthemeditativeobservationsofpracticingyogisTheevidenceofthemind-bodyconnectionsdiscoveredbythesescientistsistrulyfascinatinganditsimpactintheareaofgriefworkisonlybeginningtobefelt
Two of themain symptoms associatedwith grieving are pain in the chestmuscles and disruptions of the circadian rhythms particularly the sleep cyclePeople experience a variety of symptoms that usually change as the grievingprocess unfolds What should be eminently clear from the following table(adaptedwithpermissionfromLunche1999)isthatgriefaffectsthebody
PHYSICALSYMPTOMSOFGRIEF
Pain
Feelingoftightnessinthechest
Feelingoftightnessinthethroat
Alterations in the breathing patterns (shortness of breath frequentsighing)
Fatigueexhaustionlowenergy
Sleeppatterndisruption(insomniaorexcessivesleep)
Eatingpatterndisruption(overeatingoranorexia)
Alterationofthecardiacrhythms(bradycardiatachycardiaarrhythmia)
Digestivesystemupset
Generalizedtension
Restlessnessirritability
Increasedsensitivitytostimuli
Drymouth
Table2Physicalsymptomsofgrief
Grief is mainly orchestrated by the limbic system Itrsquos a central structure
withinthenervoussystemdeeplyinvolvedinthewayweexperienceemotionsThelimbicsysteminitiallygatherssensoryinformationaboutanexperienceandcomparesthatinformationwithpreviouslystoredknowledgehousingmemoriesof past similar experiences our belief systems and cultural values It thenassigns the experience an emotional tone and integrates a response Then theoutermost sheet of neuronal tissue in the brain the neocortex processes theexperiencefurtherandassignsmeaningtoitonadeeperlevel
Alterationsofthenormalfunctionsofthelimbicsystemresultin
irritability
moodiness
depression
negativethinking
negativeperspective
sleepandappetitedisorders
socialisolation
decreasedorincreasedsexualdriveand
motivation
Manyoftheitemsonthislistofmooddisturbancesandothersymptomsare
classicfeaturesofanormalgrievingprocesssolidifyingthecaseforthelimbicsystemrsquosinvolvementWhentakingalookatothermentalandsocialsymptomsofgrief thisconnectionwith thefunctionsof the limbicsystembecomesevenclearer
MentalSymptomsofGrief
Negativeanticipatorythinking
Disbelief
Confusion
Disorientation
Absentmindedness
Forgetfulness
Poorconcentration
Distraction
Difficultyfocusingandattending
Lowmotivation
Expectingtoseethedeceased
Expectingthedeceasedtocall
Preoccupationwiththedeceased
Feelingtheneedtotellandretellthestorysurroundingtheloss
Dreamsorimagesofthedeceased
Denial
Thinkingaboutotherdeathsandlosses
SocialSymptomsofGrief
Beingisolatedbyothers
Withdrawingfromsocialactivities
Diminisheddesireforsocialactivities
Copingwithlabelslikeldquowidowedrdquoldquosinglerdquoetc
Hidinggriefbytakingcareofothers
Losingfriendsmakingnewfriends
Table3Mentalandsocialsymptomsofgrief(adaptedwithpermissionfromLunche1999)
AccordingtoDrJamesGardnerldquoGriefbeginsinthebrainrdquoandaffectsthe
brainldquofromthehighestcorticalcentersandtemporal lobestothedeepermoreprimitive structures in the limbic systemrdquo For our neurotransmitters thebuilding blocks of the brain that are essential for intercellular communicationgrief ldquoaffects the way we process some of these chemicalsrdquo including theneuropeptides(20026)
On a biochemical level we react as though our entire existence is beingthreatenedAccordingtoGardnerldquoAstheserotoninsystemisweakenedbytheemotionalstressoflosstheanxietyresponseistriggeredrdquo(20026)Hegoesontosaythatthebodyrsquosfight-or-flightreactionincludesthereleaseofadrenalineThereleaseofhormonesincreasesheartrateandbloodpressurestressfulsignalsactivate the endocrine glands and affect the heart stomach various musclegroupsand thebloodvessels themselvesOthersymptoms include thecoolingof the extremities pupil dilation tremors sweating and nausea due tohyperventilationTakingitscuesfromthebrainthebodyreactstothefullforceofthelossasamenacingdangeradirectthreattooursurvival
NeuroplasticityandItsImplicationsforGrief
Even though grief is seemingly an omnipresent challenge influencing ourbrain chemistry we might consider the following news to be positive
Neuroplasticityreferstothebrainrsquosabilitytochangeitsstructureandfunctioninresponse to experience training and practice In the twentieth century ourbrainswere thought todevelopwithinacriticalperiodduringearlychildhoodand to then remain relatively immutable This thinking meant that once wepassedthecriticalperiodofdevelopmentwewerebasicallystuckinthosewaysforeverhardwiredfixedinformandfunctionThisbeliefloweredexpectationsaboutthevalueofrehabilitationforthosewhohadsufferedbraininjuryfromastrokeforexample
Becausepsychiatricconditionsare related tospecificneuronalpathways inthebrainthisalsomeantthatoncedevelopedamentalillnesswouldbealmostimpossibletotreatsuccessfully(Begley2007)SharonBegleyajournalistwhoreportsoncurrenttrendsonhealthandsciencewroteinTimemagazineldquoTherewasgood reason for lavishly illustratedbrainbooks to show the function sizeand location of the brainrsquos structures in permanent inkrdquo This prevailing viewalso reinforced limited mental perceptions It was simply a brain-determinedrealitythatafterlosingonersquoshouseonemightneverfeeltrulyathomeagainorafterlosingaspouseonecouldneverfindloveagain
These beliefs have been challenged by findings that reveal that manyfunctions of the brain remain plastic even into adulthood Substantial changeshave been documented showing that an individual can consciously andprofoundly alter the way his or her neurons are activated in response toexperience These alterations affect both the brainrsquos physical anatomy andfunctionalorganizationsignifyingthatthebraincananddoeschange
ldquoNeuronsThatFireTogetherWireTogetherrdquo
This is a common saying in the field of neuroscience New connectionsbetweennervouscellsareformedasweengageindifferentactivitiesThesenewneuronalpathwaysarestrengthenedwhenwerepeatthoseactivitieswiringthenervouscellstogetherThemorewerepeattheseactivitiesthemorepermanenttheconnectionsbecome
Even though these findings relate to how the brain compensates for injuryanddiseasethismechanismappliestobrainactivityingeneralNeuroplasticitymakespersonalgrowthanddevelopmentpossiblebyallowingthenervecellsinthebrain toadjust theiractivities in response tonewsituationsandchanges intheir environment Although this process is automatic and happensindependentlyoutsidetherealmofconsciousintentionwecaninfactenhance
thesought-afterresultsbyincreasingconsciouspracticeThemorepracticethemoreingrainedorimprintedthenewconnectionsbecome
ResearchconductedonmusiciansbyneuroscientistAlvaroPascual-LeoneaprofessorofneurologyatHarvardUniversityindicatesthatwhiletheprocessistriggered by actual practicemere thought can also alter the physical structureandfunctionofourgraymatter(2001)Hefoundthattheincreasedbrainsurfaceactivated in subjects after practicing an instrument was equal to those wholdquothoughtrdquo of the scales to be practiced This revelation is important whenunderstandinggriefbecauseitvalidatestheuseoftechniquessuchasSankalpaor Resolve which uses repetition of statements that reflect a desired state ofbeingtoinducethebraintoremapitselftowardsuchareality
TheBrainrsquosInsatiableQuestforHappiness
A special area of interest for those performing current research inneurosciencehasbeenstudyingthebrainsofBuddhistmonksduringmeditationtoobservewhetherthereisanymeasurablechangeinbrainactivitywiththeuseof contemplativepractices Inorder tounderstandhowourbrains conduct ourinsatiablequestforhappinesssomethingthemonksarebelievedtoexperiencethanks to meditation Richard Davidson a neuroscientist at the University ofWisconsinatMadisonconductedstudiestofindoutifwecanthinkofemotionsmoods and states suchascompassionasmental skills that could somehowbeingrainedinapersonthroughtrainingWhencomparingtheactivityinthebrainsofthegroupofmonksversusthoseofacontrolgroupwhodidnotmeditatethemoststrikingdifferencewasinanareaintheleftprefrontalcortexbelievedtobethesiteofactivitythatsignalshappiness(Davidson2012)Whilethemonkswere generating feelings of compassion activity in the left prefrontal cortexswamped activity in the right prefrontal cortex to a degree never before seenfrom purely mental activity (The right prefrontal cortex is associated withnegative moods) On the other hand the individuals belonging to the controlgroup showed no such differences between the left prefrontal cortex and therightAccordingtoDavidson thissuggests that thepositivestateisaskill thatcanbelearned
PracticeReshapesYourBrain
Thenewunderstandingofneuroplasticityrelatedtothepowerofthemindrsquosability to change our brains promises something fundamental for theunderstanding of grief By employing intentional and conscious physical andmental practice we can change our relationship to ourselves during ouremotionallyfluctuatinggrievingprocessEachactionweperformeachthoughtwe think each word we speak then becomes an arrow shot into the field ofmanifestationanopportunityforanewconnectioninthebraintomodifytheoldandemphasizetheestablishmentofanewidentity
While the focus of this book is not brain biology or neurochemistry it isimportant tounderstand justhowstronga forcegrief isRegardingourmentaland emotional landscape we now comprehend that our emotional life isinformedbythethoughtswethinkbyhowthebrainitselfreactstoexperiencesinstructingourbodies tobehaveYounow seehowmanyof the symptomsofgrief directly relate to how our brains reactwhen facing loss Recall how theattachmentstopeoplefromtheearlieststagesofourlifeformulateourpsychicbasis for the adult emotions of love and compassion Loss is a real materialexperience affecting us at every layer of our existence The following table(adapted with permission from Lunche 1999) indicates profound changes inbehaviorswhenwearegrievingAswedeepenourunderstandingofhowourbrains serve as the basis for many of these symptoms we can normalizeprofoundchangesthatarepowerfullyalteringrealityasweknewit
BehavioralSymptomsofGrief
Crying(sometimesunexpectedly)
Searchingforthedeceased
Carryingspecialobjects
Goingtothegravesite
Makingandkeepinganaltar
Keepingbelongingsintact
Lookingatphotosorvideosofthedeceased
Listeningtoaudiorecordingsofthedeceased
Talkingtothedeceased
Avoidingsituationsthatarousegrief
Changesindailyroutine
ldquoStayingbusyrdquo
Assumingmannerismsofthedeceased
Table4Behavioralsymptomsofgrief
By getting a sense of how intensely all systems are involved in the
bereavement process it becomes more evident that engaging certain yogaexercisesintendedtounitemindandbodyareeffectiveinbringingbackasenseof cohesion and personal control in times of grief Through breath workphysical movements and specific techniques designed to for example helpresetthefunctioningoftheendocrinesystemwecantakethisinformationaboutgriefandputittogooduseWecanapplytoolstointegrateconsciousresponsesthat help our brains reshape themselves in an active and insightfulwayYogahelpsustobemorepresentforourfeelingsofgriefanditisperhapsthemostcompletebodyofpracticalknowledgeyoucanseekout
Wewill now look at what this ancient discipline expresses as to whywegrieveandhowgriefrelatestoitsprecursorattachment
Chapter2
YogaandGrief
Yogarsquos quest to resolve human suffering is probably as old as the disciplineitself Since yogarsquos entrance into mainstream Western culture it has beentailored to meet the needs of a variety of practitioners Western styles andmodulations of yoga have complemented the ancient original schools orbranchesOne of the results of this diversification has been the emergence ofyoga therapy This system is perfectly designed for the application of yogarsquosteachings philosophy and unique methods for addressing and transformingpersonal imbalances manifesting as diseases or disorders Even though otherdisciplinessuchasyogachikitsaandAyurvedadealwiththetherapeuticprocessyoga therapy isactuallymorehelpful inaddressing thegrievingprocess in thebodymindandspirit
I have come to understand grief as one of the most prevailing andunacknowledged feelings in the human heart through my personal andprofessional experiences As a yogi I recognize the need for a more Spirit-centeredapproachtodealingwithgriefWitnessingtheeffectsonmystudentsalongwithmypersonalexperienceofpracticingyogaformanyyearshasgivenmeadeepunderstandingofyogarsquoseffectivenessintreatinggrief
Initially yoga helps us to manage some of the physical and emotionalsymptomsofgriefAsonersquospracticedeepensyogaoffersprofoundinsightsintothe difference between the suffering intrinsic to grief and that of attachmentwhich I call the precondition for grief Letrsquos examine some philosophicalunderpinningsofyogaandhowtheycandemystifyourrelationshiptogrief
TheFiveSpokesontheWheelofSufferingThefirstextantwrittenworkonyogathatpresentsacomprehensivephilosophyonthenatureofsufferingandhowtoalleviateitisTheYogaSutrasofPatanjali(Bryant2009)InthistextattachmentmdashthepreconditionforgriefmdashisnamedasoneofthefiverootcausesofsufferingthatinevitablyleadtopainandconfusionTogethertheyare
ignoranceofthetruth
egoism
attachment
aversionand
fearofdeath
IgnoranceofthetruthreferstoignoringtheessentialrulesthattheuniverseabidesbyAnexampleof this is to expect a flower tobeborn fullybloomedthen develop backward decreasing in size until it becomes a seed Thismisapprehension can be seen as a metaphor of life in general all livingorganismshaveadefinitebeginningandaperiodofdevelopmentandthenmeettheir end Therefore anyone contesting the flowerrsquos organic nature promotespersonalsuffering
Egoismreferstofalseidentificationwiththemindandbodyexclusivelyandignoring the Spirit The nature of both body andmind is one of craving Thebody craves heat food touch and rest the mind craves acknowledgmentidentificationandseekschangeOnceanyofourneedsbecomesatisfied thenimmediatelythenextonekicksinTheSpiritconverselyneedsnothingbecauseitcontainseverythingandisthesourceofeverythingByincludingourSpiritinour identificationwegaincontactwithanaspectofourselves that issatisfiedtrulyandcompletely(Satyananda1976)
Attachment refers to our dependency on the permanence of a personrsquospresence or an objectrsquos continued availability to produce and sustain ourhappinessAttachmentcomesfromthepositiveexperienceswehaveinlifeandthememoriesweforminassociationwiththemSinceallthingsarebytheirtruenatureabsolutely impermanentoursuffering isensuredwhen thingsdisappearordieOf the fivecausesof suffering attachmenthas aparticularly importantroleingriefandisthereforediscussedfurtherinthefollowingsection
Aversion is the opposite of attachment and is derived from negativeexperiencesinlifeItrefers tothingswedonrsquot likepromptingustoturnawayfrom them Because the likelihood of all things happening is evenly spreadacross the spectrumof reality thingswedonrsquot likewill inevitablyoccurmdashandwesufferyetagain
Fearof death refers to a feeling human beings experience as part of theiremotional makeup Because death is inevitable fearing it is a sure ticket tosufferingRegardlessofhoworwhenweinstinctivelyknowwhatwefearwill
arriveatsomepointThesefivecausesofsufferingbecomelikeawheelinahamstercageLike
naivehamsterswehurlthewheelintoperpetualmotionrunningtowardnoendIfwechoosetoignoretheessentialtruthwebecomeidentifiedwithourbodiesandmindsonlyThisleadsustogenerateattachmentsandaversionstheultimatebeingaversion toourowndeath ignoring the truth thatwe toowill inevitablydie
In Four Chapters on Freedom Swami Satyanandarsquos commentary on TheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliwearetoldthatourldquodesireforliferdquoisldquosustainedbyitsownforcerdquo(1976154)Itisbecauseofanattachmenttoourphysicalbodytheswami says that we cling to life and fear natural processes like disease anddeath Since grief appears as a result of losing those things or personswe areattachedtoTheYogaSutrascanexplaintheintimaterelationshipbetweengriefand suffering I am not suggesting that if we could somehow eliminateattachment our liveswould be problem-free and all sufferingwould end ThefourothercausesareequallypotentandimportantCouldsimplyenvisioningtheeliminationofsufferingbringsomeeasetoourmindsByjustbeingconsciousof the five causes of sufferingwe combat the initial barrier of ignorance thatpreventsusfromknowingourtrueselves
AttachmentItsSpecialRoleforGrievers
ThenegativeimplicationsofattachmentarequitedifficultforushumanstocomprehendWhyisdealingwithattachmentsodifficultWeformattachmentsto perpetuate the comfort and safety we are accustomed to receive from thethings andpersonswe attach toYetwe can never know just how long thosethingsorpersonswillremainFormingattachmentsseemstobeinherentinthehumancondition
Yoga addresses this uncertainty and invokes the universal truth that ldquoAllthings come to an endrdquo This calms the mindrsquos craving for knowledge andprovidesananswertotheyearningquestionmanygrieversaskthemselvesafteralossWhy
When we form attachments we are relying on the permanence of thingsWhenthosethingsvanishtheresultforusisapredictableonewesufferIntheepic Indian tale of the Bhagavad Gita prince Arjuna turns to his charioteerKrishnaforcounselonthebattlefieldWhileseeminglyjustadvisingthewarrioronmilitarystrategyLordKrishnaactuallyimpartsdeepspiritualwisdomtothe
unknowingseekerHeidentifiesattachmentasthebeginningofachainreactionofturbulentemotions
ldquoWhilecontemplatingtheobjectsofthesensesapersondevelops
attachmentforthemandfromsuchattachmentlustdevelopsandfromangerlustarisesrdquo
mdashVerse62(1972122)
ldquoFromangercompletedelusionarisesandfromdelusionbewildermentofmemoryWhenmemoryisbewilderedintelligenceislostandwhenintelligence
islostonefallsdownagainintothematerialpoolrdquo
mdashVerse63(1972123)
This explanation of how attachment manifests in human beings is anillumination from a realized master such as Krishna to the aspiring yogi(Bhaktivedanta 1972) This sage wisdom applies to every one of us who islearningandaspiringhereonEarthFormotherswhoseheightenedattachmentwith their infants is directly connected to the continued survival of theiroffspringenvisioningalifeofnonattachmentseemsnearlyimpossibleFormostofhumanitythatisalsotrueYetyogaoffersuspureknowledgethatappliestolifewithintheframeworkofwhatisfeasibleforeachoneofusYogadoesnotjustrelyonphilosophyhowevertoexplainwhywegrieveitpinpointsgriefinanahatachakraaspecificplaceinthebody
ExploringtheChakrasandHowTheyRelatetoGrief
TheSanskritwordchakra translates toldquowheelrdquo inEnglishThisevokesanimage of swirling energy the stirring of emotional and psychic contents Thesevenchakrasconfigureapathwaymovingfromprimalemotionsandsensations(fearangerdisgust)toloveandcompassionandspiritualconnection
According to yoga philosophy human beings are in a state of continuousevolutionThisevolutionissymbolizedbythespiralingmovementofkundalinian invisible energy that when awakened flows upward from the base of the
spine to the topof thehead (Satyananda1985)During its course this energymakes contact with several psychic centers (chakras) each of which signifiesdifferentstagesinourjourneytowardcompleteselfhoodJohnSelbystatesthateachchakracorrespondstoamajorendocrineglandamainautonomicnerveorgroupofnervesandthefunctionstheyregulatewithinthebodyandaspecificmanifestationoraspectofhumanconsciousness(1992)
The chakra system is a brilliant map for understanding the connectionbetweenmindbodyandspirit Itoffersadiagnostic toolaswell asa fieldofoperation for understanding and managing some of the difficult emotionsinvolved in griefGetting in touchwith these emotions unveils aspects of thepotential life lessons hidden in the symptoms we are experiencingWe beginmakingconnectionsbetweenthesensationswefeel inourbodiesandhowourthinkingisaffectedbysuchsensationsWitnessinghowthethreeessentialpartsofourselvesmdashthementalthephysicalandthespiritualmdashinteractweareabletoseethateachthoughtandemotionhasacorrelatewithinourphysicalbodyThisrecognitionfacilitatesourjourneyofintegrationandevolutionofconsciousness
ROOTCHAKRATHESURVIVOR
Thefirstchakra(mooladhara)islocatedatthepelvicfloorandcorrespondswiththecoccygealplexusofnervesInmenitliesintheperineumbetweentheurinary and excretory openings In women it is situated inside the posteriorsurfaceofthecervix
This chakra relates to our feelings and perceptions and the bodily
mechanisms associatedwith our survival and explains the fear some grievershavewithregardtotheirabilitytocontinuesimplygoingonlivingafteralossIn fact even when we are actually safe and secure there can be underlyingthoughtsandemotionsthatturnonthefight-or-flightresponsewhichproducesan increased heart rate and sweaty palms Because this is a basic ldquosurvivalmoderdquo reaction typicalofhumanbeings it canbe interpretedasa first chakraemanation symbolizing our primary instinct for survival our clinging toexistencewhilefearingnaturalprocesseslikedeath
We recognize how attachment to pleasure-giving sensory objects andaversiontowardexternalsourcesofdispleasurebecomehardwiredWhenfacedwith grief we can understand how oftentimes the griever wishes to join thedeceasedasifhisorherverysurvivalwerelinkedtothecontinuityofthebondBecausegriefcanseduceustomistakenlyidentifythelossofalovedoneasathreattoourexistencetheresultcanbeanaturalinclinationtomergewiththedeceased
Becauseofitsconnectionwiththematerialworldwealsoseeinthischakrathe difficulty grievers typically experience in performing the usual tasks thatensurephysicallifeThefatiguethatmanypeoplefeelduringgriefisalsotypicalofanimbalancein thiscenterThischakra isapotentsourceofallourearthlydesiresandthefeargreedandpossessivenesswemightfeelwhengrievingareassociated with it An example could be wishing to hold on to a deceasedrsquostreasuredobjectsorpossessions
Additionallybecause the firstchakra isassociatedwith thesenseofsmellthe common occurrence of grievers being reminded suddenly of the deceasedbased on encountering a smell associated with that person can be seen asemanatingfromthischakra
SACRALCHAKRATHEBIRTHPLACEOFDESIRE
Thesecondchakra(swadhisthana)isfoundatthebaseofthespineItrelatestothesacralplexusofnervesandsymbolizestheunconsciousItisalsorelatedto our overall emotional awareness and ability to experience our feelingsStronglyconnectedtothesexualorgansandtheirproductsdesiresandcravingstakeondefiniteformanddirectioninthischakraThischakraisalsoassociatedwithmovementespeciallyemotionaltypesofmovementIntermsofgrieftheinvolvementofthischakracanmanifestasalackofsexualdesireorconverselyastrengtheningofsexualappetiteThedifficultysomeexperience inaccessingintimacy or being social with others is a typical characteristic of a disturbed
secondchakraTheassociatedsensewiththischakraistasteSometimesthereisa certain taste some grievers notice along with other more typical symptomssuchasdrymouthanddisruptionsofnormaleatinghabits
NAVALCHAKRAWILLPOWERMADEMANIFEST
Thethirdchakra(manipura)sitsalongthespinalcolumndirectlybehindthenavelItcorrespondstothesolarplexusandphysiologicallyrelatestodigestionassimilationand temperature regulation in thebodyThischakrarepresentsanimportant step in the evolution of consciousness because it connects ourwillpowerwithourdesirespromotingmanifestationonthephysicalplaneThedifficulty inmaking decisions felt bymany grievers is an involvement of thethirdchakraWebecomeconfusedas towhat courseof action isbestbecauseourwillpowerissoprofoundlycompromisedWesometimesresorttotakingnoactionatall lacking themotivationneeded toconfront thefearof thechangeswearefacing
Some individuals throw themselves into work Others place a heightenedemphasis on an exuberant social life after loss to keep away from the painfullack of familiarity with the new unchartered reality The literal translation ofmanipura isldquocityof jewelsrdquoandit refers to thepreciousgemsofactionlyingdormant in this centerwaiting tobeunearthedby thepowerofour consciousintention The associated sense for this chakra is sight and I believe it canexplaincommonexperiencessomebereavedhaveofnotseeingthingsthatareinplainsightmdashforexamplesearchingfranticallyforhousekeysonlytofindthemintheappropriateplace justafewminutes laterornotseeingtheexitsignonthefreewayeventhoughitisthesameexitagrieverhastakenforthepastfiveyearswhen returninghomeEvenldquoseeingrdquo thedeceasedwithin themidst of acrowdonabusystreetcouldberelatedtothethirdchakra
HEARTCHAKRATHEREFUGEOFLOVE
Thefourthchakra(anahata)liesinthevertebralcolumnbehindthebaseoftheheart at the levelof thedepression in the sternum It relates to thecardiacplexusofnerveswhichinfluencesthefunctioningoftheheartandlungsThesearetwokeyareasthatareoftenaffectedbygriefmanifestingasdisruptionsofbothcardiacandbreathingrhythmsTheheartchakracorrespondstothethymusglandwhich relates to immunefunctionDuringbereavement it iscommon toexperienceanexacerbationofpreexistinghealthconditionsoranincreasedriskforsicknessduetoimmunesystemdepressionThischakraisthequintessentialblendingofmatterandSpirittheevolutionaryoasisonourpathtowardspiritual
fulfillmentItiswhereemotionalbondingandattachmentaredevelopedAstheseatofhumanloveitalsorelatestothepowerofloveasahealingforce
ThesenseassociatedwithanahataistouchIngriefthissenseisimportantbecause through touchwe fully experience theabsenceof thatwhichwehavelost Just think of the needmany individuals feel for touch after spousal lossImaginehowliberatingahugcanfeeltofacilitatethepowerfulreleaseofpent-upemotion
THROATCHAKRATHEPOWEROFSOUND
Thefifthchakra(vishuddhi)liesatthelevelofthethroatpitinthevertebralcolumnThischakracorrespondstothecervicalplexusofnervesandrelatestothethyroidglandandalsocertainsystemsofarticulationtheupperpalateandtheepiglottisThe thyroidrsquos involvement iskey ingrief thedisturbanceof theproductionof adrenaline canbe the sourceof feelingsofdepletion aswell asweight gain or loss that cannot be directly attributable to changes in eatinghabitsThiscentercanalsobethesourceforsomeofthehormonalimbalancesandmoodswingsexperiencedwhengrieving
Vishuddhi chakra is known as the purification centerwhere the powers ofcommunicationlieItdealssymbolicallywithsoundandvibrationOftenthosegrieving have difficulty talking about their grief or articulating their feelingsaboutalossTheoverwhelmingneedforsomegrievingindividualstohavetheirstories heard is another indication of this chakrarsquos involvement Because theassociatedsensewiththischakraishearingwecanunderstandtheimportanceofvoicingpainfulaswellasjoyfulmemoriesinthemidstoflossFifth-chakradisturbancescanalsoresultinsorethroatsandpainintheneckandshouldersmdashareasverycommonlyaffectedbygriefThesensationoffeelingchokedcanbeassociatedwiththischakraaswell
THIRD-EYECHAKRAWISDOMFOUNDWITHIN
The sixth chakra (ajna) lies in themidline of the brain directly above thespinal columnandcorrespondswith thepinealglandThischakracontrols themuscles and theonset of sexual activity inhumans It has control over all thefunctionsofthebodyItisthechakraofpuremindrepresentingahigherlevelofawarenessItisusuallycalledtheldquothirdeyerdquoanditissaidthatwhereasthetwophysicaleyes lookoutward the thirdeye looks inward In thatsense it revealsthe intuitive knowledge independent from the information supplied by thesenses
Ajnaisthewitnessingcenterwhereonebecomesthedetachedobserverofallevents including those within the body and the mind Sleep disorders are atypicalinvolvementofthischakrabecauseofitsrelationshiptothepinealglandand its main biochemical product melatonin Because of its connection withinner vision we might experience broader issues related to our perceptionfinding difficulty in seeing the road ahead Other common symptoms includecoordinationproblemssuchasaccidentallybumpingintothefurniture
On a positive note this chakra serves as a reminder that it is by lookingwithin that we find the source of all the feelings and thoughts that come upduringtheupheavalcreatedbylossBywitnessingtheendlessfluctuationsandchangeswithinourownmindswecanapproachstillnessInessencewhileourmindsstruggletounderstandourlossesourSpiritsknowandarereadytoacceptthem as a part of the normal cycle of life and existence The source of theknowledge thatwecanapply toprocessgriefcomesfromourconnectionwiththe intuitivewisdom the Spirit has rather than the acquired knowledge of thedualisticmindItisbecauseofthisdualisticaspectofthemindwhichisunableto recognize the night if it does not know the day that we cling to thepermanence of things attempting to ensure the continuance of the treasuredconnectionsThemindstrugglestounderstandthateventhoughalovedonemaybeabsentheorsheisstillpresentandinterwoveninthefabricofouridentity
CROWNCHAKRAWITNESSTOAGREATERREALITY
The seventh chakra (sahasrara) is the culmination of the kundalinirsquosenergeticpathwayseenastheseatofhigherawarenessItissituatedatthetopof the head and is physically correlated to the pituitary gland called theldquocommandcenterrdquowhichregulatestheentireendocrinesystemOnasymboliclevel it is in thischakrawhere thedualmindis transcendedandweenter intoperfectconsciousharmonywiththeonenessoftheuniverseWhenthischakraisout of balance during bereavement it results in depression alienation andconfusionThischakraalsorelatestothechallengesthatgriefimposesononersquosownspiritualbeliefs
BodyArmorADifferentTakeontheChakras
Thechakrasystemidentifiesspecificlocationsinthebodyandrelatesthemwith different types of emotions Wilhelm Reich the famous Austrianpsychoanalystcameupwithasimilarnotionwhenhedescribedhisconceptof
ldquobodyarmorrdquoheanalyzedhowmentalconflictsareexpressedinthebodyoftenthroughmuscularornervoustensionandhowthismechanismcouldbeintendedto protect the consciousness from accessing psychic content associated withtheseareas(1949)
EssentiallyReichrsquosviewis thatweshieldourselveswith thestiffarmorofmuscular tensionandassociatedbody language toavoidexperiencingnegativefeelingsThefieldsofpsychosomaticmedicineandsomaticpsychotherapyhavefurtherdeepenedthestudyof thesemechanismsandfoundrevealingcorrelatesbetweendiseaseprocessesandwhatanindividualisgoingthroughinhisorheremotional and psychic life For example when an individual is dealing withboundaryissuesheorshemightdevelopaskinconditionWhensomeonefindsit intolerable toexamineonersquos realityeyeproblemsmightdevelopOfcoursenothing is quite as simple as the examplesgivenyet the relationshipbetweenourmindsandourbodiesisundeniable
Whenconsideringthewidevarietyofsymptomsfoundingrief itbecomesevidentthatgriefaffectsthewholebeingUnderstandingthesignificanceofthechakrasinourphysicalbodiesandhowtheyrelatetoouroverallexperienceiskeyinourthinkingaboutgriefwhenpracticingBylearningthedifferentrolesthat the chakras play in our bodies and how they affect us emotionally theeffects of our yoga practice are deepened Exploring our knowledge of thechakrasystemleadstoanefficientandhelpfulwaytounderstandthemind-bodyconnectionanditsrelationshiptothevaryingsymptomsofgrief
TheHeartChakraAStartingPointforGrief
Although all chakras are involved during the grieving process the heartchakraistheprimaryonewhentalkingaboutgriefBecauseemotionalbondingdevelopsthereanahata isanessentialchakratoaddresswhenbuildingayogapracticeforaddressingthesymptomsandconsideringthenatureofthegrievingprocess It is thebridgebetween the lowerchakrasand thehigherones In thewords of John Selby ldquo[B]elow the heart chakra lies the world of matter ofsurvivalandprocreationofmanipulationandmasteryoverthephysicalrealmsof life Above lies the world of Spirit of pure thought and intuition ofinterpersonalcommunicationandultimatelyuniversalunityandtranscendenceTheheartchakrainitsmostbasicsenseisthemarriageofmatterandspiritofconcrete and abstract of knowledge andwisdomof earth andheavenrdquo (1992147) It represents a specifically human kind of evolution the growth of
humanityoutofdepthsoflowerordersandemotionsAs theseatof love thischakra iswhereour truechallenge lieswhen loss
occurswemustgothroughthedifficulttransitionfromldquolovinginpresencerdquotoldquolovinginabsencerdquoWecanskillfullyaskourselvesaboutthelosswearefacingIsourgriefaconsequenceofpureloveorpureattachmentItmaybeinterestingto notice the overlapping of these closely related emotions but according toyogathereisindeedadifferenceAsitissaidinyogaldquoLoveiswhatrsquosleftafteryoursquove let go of everything you loverdquo In this sense attachment can be seenpracticallyastheoppositeofloveaconceptthatmanifestsinsuchphrasesasldquoIfyoulovesomethingletitgordquo
YogarsquosquestforunconditionallovealsopertainstotheideathatlovingwiththeconditionofpresenceisnotrealloveldquoIloveyouaslongasyouarearoundrdquoisaratherlimitingconceptonethatdoesnothonortheexpansivenessofloveItis yet another example of the dualistic mind that validates reality based onphysicalpresenceWhatwecannotseewhatwecannottouchwetendtotreatas nonexistent To accept that love continues despite the absence of ourattachmentwemust transcenddualistic thinkingandembrace the inevitabilityofchange
Practicing yoga helps us to better understand this duality of love andattachment By developing a deeper awareness of and working on our heartchakraandthephysicalsensationsandfunctionsassociatedwithitanindividualcan experience enlightening expansion resulting in profound healingWe gainthe ability to synthesize our physical mental and spiritual awareness into apractice that acknowledges both the relocation of the deceased and onersquos owncontinuedpresenceon thisplaneofexistenceWhatbetterwaytohonora lostlovedone
GriefrsquosChallengetoSpiritualityldquoNot yet settled in a permanent home the soul takes temporary shelter in abodyrdquo says Kural 340 (Subramuniyaswami 1999 136) Ultimately thedifferencebetween traditionalpsychotherapyrsquos treatmentof thegrieverand theyogicviewisthespecialattentionyogagivestotheSpiritThesolutionforallcausesofsufferingofferedinTheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliistoreducethemtotheir source and deal with the resistance of the mind through meditation(Satyananda1976)Someofthespiritualsymptomsassociatedwithgriefcanbeseeninthefollowingtable
SPIRITUALSYMPTOMSOFGRIEF
FeelingangryatGod
AskingquestionsaboutGodlikeWhywouldGodallowthis
Asking questions about death and the deceased such asWhere is shenow Is he okay Can she see meWill I see him againWhat willhappenwhenIdie
Sensingthedeceasedrsquospresence
Hearingsmellingorseeingthedeceased
Havingdeathaffirmorchallengebeliefs
Experiencingawewondermystery
Reflectingonpersonalfinitude
Feelingtheneedtocontinuearelationshipwiththedeceased
Table5Spiritualsymptomsofgrief
ForsomegrieverslosscausesasplitfromspiritualityDoubtssurfaceabout
how life can continue in any meaningful way after someone dies Godrsquosgoodness is questionedwhen a child is killed People often feel anger towardGodwhenthelosstheyaregoingthroughseemssenselessorunfairForothersa similar loss can actually be a creative spark to onersquos individual spiritualjourney igniting a flame that yearns to connect with their untapped SpiritInquirymightresultinfindingnewanswersorindiscardingtheoldones
Especially in the case of death the losseswewitness force us to face ourownmortalityWeanalyzeandquestion thenatureof therelationshipwehavewith our own Spirit Impermanence as we know it forces us to question ourbeliefstoinquireaboutthemeaningoflifeandtowonderabouttheunknownYogadrawsinspirationfromthistypeofself-inquiryIfinfactasyogateachesuswe have everythingwe need for a good life then goingwithin seems therightdirectiontotakeSearchingfortheSpiritwithinthenbecomesarefugeavalidplaceforunderstandingandcreatingmeaningoutofloss
LoveBeyondAttachmentGrief and suffering are intrinsically intertwinedTherefore yoga as a spiritualdisciplineisanaturalfitasausefulsystemtoaddressgriefGriefrsquosrelationshiptoattachmentdepicts thenormalreaction tooneof thefiveessentialcausesofsufferingasstatedbythesagePatanjaliestablishinghowloveisdifferentfromalmostopposite to attachmentPlacedemotionallyandphysically inourheartchakra love is the positive expression of the chakra and attachment is thenegativeone
IntheWesternviewattachmentequalsloveandisalmostapreconditionforsurvivalBased on this leaders in the field of griefwork find that one of thegoalsofgriefcounselingand therapy is todevelopnewhealthierattachmentsAccordingtotheteachingsofyogathiscourseofactionleadstomoresufferingand actually undermines the transformative potential of our own grievingprocessByaccepting theultimate truths that theuniverse isbasedonandbyrelyingontheimpermanenceofourobjectsofattachmentwecandeveloptrueand enduring love that transcends the limitations of the physical placing lovebeyondattachmentOnly thendoweget in touchwithour trueessencemdashonlythenratherthanendingourjourneybeginshellip
ldquoThesoulrsquosattachmenttothebodyislikethatofafledglingwhichforsakes
itsemptyshellandfliesawayrdquo
mdashKural338(Subramuniyaswami1999136)
Any valid practical model destined to help those who are grieving mustinclude the spiritual challenges that grief presents It must also deal with thewaysinwhichthebodyexpressesgriefandthemindacknowledgestheresultingsuffering
The following chapter demonstrates my contribution to assist grievingindividualswith the complexities that grief entailsOutof necessitywebeginthe journeyofpracticebymeetinganydifficultieswith the forcesofwillTheresults of the practice itself and the wisdom one receives from thistransformativeendeavorwillbothamazeandinspireyou
Chapter3
HowtheYogaforGriefReliefPracticeWorks
Regardless of which worldviewmdashWestern or Easternmdashsuits you best it isimportant to remember that you must meet yourself where you are In thischapter I offer insights related to the purposeof each categoryof exercises inrelation to grief so that you can better understand how to address your needsBeforethatbeginsletrsquostakealookatanimportantprinciplethatappliestoyogaingeneralThetoolisneverasimportantastheonewhoiswieldingit
A piece of information an exercise or a technique is only useful if theoperatoriscautiousrespectfulcapableandconsciousWhetheryoupreferthepsychology-based approach of the Western model or the more spiritualunderstandingofEasternphilosophywhatrsquosmost important is toidentifywhatyouwanttodowithyourgriefbypracticingyogaThetoolsthatyouareabouttoreceivewillhelpaidyouinyourpursuit
Hereisametaphorthatmayhelpyoutounderstandthepowerofawarenesslocatedwithin yourself as you begin the practiceThe blacksmith can alwaysforge himself a new hammer but the hammer cannot make itself a newblacksmith In other words you will see that the process of reidentificationsproutsfromthesorrowfulseedsthatlieamidyourowngrief
As you start tomove through the pain of loss ask yourself how youwillapproachandengage in theyogapracticeWhatwouldyou like toaccomplishwith it As you incorporate various techniques to help cope with differentsymptoms encountered in your grief you will notice changes in your bodymind and emotionsYour experience each timeyoupracticemaybeuniquelydistinctchangingdependingonthedayyourmoodyourphysicalstateoryourlife circumstances Sometimes doing the same yoga technique in themorninginstead of in the evening might reveal distinct information and produce verydifferenteffectsonthepractitionerAsyoureadthischapterkeepinmindthattheintentionofthepracticeistocontactthatpartofyourselfthatknowsnolossSome call it the observer the higher self or the true witness of all yourexperiences
HowThisPracticeWasBorn
When I originally created this practice for transforming grief a suitablesequence of techniquesmdashthe best possible information to serve grievingindividualsmdashcamepouringfromwithinmewithuncannyeaseIcanonlyrefertothisexperienceasanactofpureyogicinspirationForyearsIfeltshyaboutsharingthewayinwhichthispracticecametolifeDespitemystrongsenseofits therapeutic effectiveness I feared peoplewould underestimate the value ofthesequencebecauseithadnotrequiredmonthsofstruggleelaboratestudyordemanding intellectual focus Experiencing this spontaneous reception ofaccurateandappropriateinformationproducedinthedepthofmybeinggavemehumility and awe Even personally knowing the magic of yoga I still feltawkward about the easewithwhich this perfectly applicable sadhana showeditselfunveilingtomethetoolstoworkwiththebereaved
Sincethatextraordinarymomentbackin1994Ihavepersonallywitnessedthe power of Yoga for Grief Relief at work Whether in clinical or informalsettingsgrouporprivatesessionsprofessionaltrainingsorpersonalretreatsthetransformationalpowerofthissadhanacontinuestoamazeme
Incidentally it was much later that I was able to identify that preciousmissingelement inmyawarenessyoga iswithineachoneofusalreadyThisknowledge often manifests as intuition that influences our creativity and allaspectsofourlivesInitiallymyinsightsaboutthebodyrsquosinherentinvolvementinthegrievingprocesscamefrommyownexperienceIwitnessedhowmybodyexpressedwhatmymind could not accept regarding the death ofmy belovedmother
When shedied Iwasayoungmanadamantly refusing toacceptherdeathandthepainthatresultedfromitInsteadIcameupwithmultipleexcusesforescaping my present reality cleverly supporting my behavioral choices withthoughtsthatseemedtoworkItoldmyselfthatmymomdidnotbringmeuptobeasadcreaturemourningherdeathineverycornerofourhouseSoIbusiedmyselfwithstudyinganddistractedmyselfwithtripstothebeachIlookedforexcitementdancingallnightlongdrinkingandhavingablast
Two years after her death the denial of the impact and the tearing ofmyheartmanifestedphysicallyasabonespurrightinthecenterofmychestwhereone of my ribs meets the breastbone It resembled calcifications that areproduced internally after a fractureorchestratedby thebody to strengthen theskeletalsystemYesIhadabrokenheartandmybodyshowedthattome
When the Yoga for Grief Relief practice assumed its full form it wasembracedbypractitionersasausefulsetoftoolsaffirmingtheeffectivenessand
perfectionofengagingancientyogatoaddressthevarioussymptomsofmodern-daygriefAsIcarefullybuilttheYogaforGriefReliefprogramIfirstincludedexercises that I thoughtwould take careof themoreobviousbodily effectsofgriefNextIaddressedtheproblemofperceptionsofthebereavedmindinordertoeffectchange in theneuroendocrinesystemFinally Isought tohelppeoplechangetheirperceptionofthelossandredefinethemselvesbasedonanewfoundself-awareness
TheActivePrinciplesofthePracticeYogaoffers techniques toenhanceourawarenessof the inherentvibrantunityamong body mind and spirit For the body yoga offers asanas or physicalmovementsthatimprovevitalfunctionsandenhanceemotionalawarenessForthemindyogausespranayamaorbreathworkBecausethequalityandrhythmof our breathing changes as we experience different thoughts and emotionsactivelyworkingwithourbreathingpatternscanbeausefulwaytoaddressthementalsymptomsencounteredingriefFinallyyogaoffersmeditationtoaddressthe Spirit since once the body is still and themind entertained thatwhich isneithermindnorbodycanmorefullymanifest
The yoga system is precise in how it prescribes exercises for specificsymptomsmuchlikeWesternmedicinedoesyetitisuniqueinacknowledgingthat each exercise addresses the full being The six significant categories thathelpustomovethroughthegrievingprocessarebreathworkbodymovementscleansingtechniquesrelaxationmindreprogrammingandmeditation
PranayamaIntroducingLifeControlThroughBreathWork
Pranayamainvolvesworkingdirectlywithourmostabundantlife-bestowingenergy our breath (prana) These exercises restore our sense of control byconnecting us to our innermost vitalitywhich easily falls out of balance afterlossConsciouslyworkingwithourbreathhelpstoreestablishbalanceandcopewith the fearsome loss of control that grief often presents It also helps us toacquaintourselveswithourmindsmoreintimatelytoobservethewaysinwhichweprocessouremotionsBasedonthisobservationwecandecidewhichtoolsweneedtousetoactivateourenergywhenfeelingdepletedortorelaxandfeelcalmwhenfeelinganxious
Because breathing is automatic and normally performed unconsciously
working consciously with the breath helps us to bridge the gap betweenconsciousandunconsciousEach timeweengage thebreath thiswaywehelpunite the intentional conscious mind and the more hidden unconscious mindallowingustofocusonthoseaspectsthatremainintheshadowycornersofourawareness
It is impossible to change thatwhichwe donrsquot knowor acknowledgeWeneed to recognize the existence of somethingbeforewe can transform it It isthroughourbreathawarenessthatweanchorourauthenticexperiencebringingattention to life in the present moment Our challenge is acknowledging theactual moment as is rather than what we think about it the intention is toactuallyexperienceandviewtheconcreterealityofthemoment
InUruguaywhereIwasbornthereisapopularsayingldquoAlifeistowriteabook to plant a tree and to bring up a childrdquoMy spiritualmasterMaharajiPremPalSinghRawatgivesitabeautiful twistsayingldquoLifeisonebreathinandonebreathoutnomorenolessSoactuallywritingabookplantingatreeorbringingupachildarelsquostoriesrsquoofliferdquo(1990)Givingpresencetoourbreathwegivepresencetoourlifeaswell
ThetediousnatureofthebereavementprocessdemandsoratleastrequestspatienceandawarenesssomethingconsciousbreathingdevelopsAfterallitisnotpossibletotakethenextbreathbeforethepresentoneiscompletethisistheonlywayinwhichlifecanhappenjustonebreathatatime
AsanaToolsforTransformingtheBody
Specificphysicalposesalterthesymptomsofgriefbyaddressingpainlackofenergyandvariousstructuralmalformationsourbodiescancontortintosuchashunchedbacksorcaved-inchestsThesetoolsforsomatictransformationcanbeputintopracticetopromotemovementofthephysicalandpsychiccontentsin the body Essentially any symptom whether psychological or physicalindicatesablockageofenergyresultinginthedisruptionofthenaturalbalanceofourhealthBypromotingthemovementofenergyweallowthelifeforcetoflowtothoseplacesin thebodythatneedit themostWealsobringthelatentcontentsofourmindstothesurfaceofconsciousnessmakingthemavailabletowitnessexploreandultimatelytransform
Our bodies are profoundly involved in the grieving process and infinitelywiserthanourmindsTappingintothebodyrsquoswisdomthroughmovementwhilemonitoring our intensified sensations and feelings gives us a much-needed
awarenessoftheconnectionofbodyandmindIntentionallyengagingourbodyin thesepractices is essential for our continuedoptimalhealth andwell-beingEstablishingtheconnectionmentallyandphysicallyallowsthemindtousethebodyasananchorduringtimesofunrest
Whenfacedwithanexperiencethatweperceiveas threateningwetendtoshield ourselveswith emotional armor built from previous pain and sufferingHabituallycuttingofftheflowofourlifeforcetoavoidcontactwithunpleasantfeelings literallypreventsus fromprocessing thepainofour emotionsLikeahouseofcardsbuiltonillusionthischaradedepletesourresourcesanddistractsusfromthetaskofworkingwithourauthenticfeelings
Performing these asanas challenges the holdings of the bodyrsquos armor (seeldquoBodyArmorADifferent Take on theChakrasrdquo in chapter 2) and helps thenatural energy hubs (chakras) connect enhancing the continuous flow ofconsciousness By stirring up the emotional and psychic contents held in themusclememorywe can connectwith our story throughour bodyrsquos display ofbothstrengthandweakness
As you will find many of the asanas presented here support the bodyrsquosvigorouschallengetofacethesymptomsofgriefYogicactionisgreatlyvaluedand especially effective in transforming griefAmong themanyother benefitsyoga offers choosing specific postures helps the body release some of theunwantedgrief-inducedchemicalspresentinthebloodstream
ShatkarmaACleansingTechniquefortheMind
Shatkarmaisagroupofyogiccleansingtechniquesusedtoreleaseemotionsthoughtsorphysicalexperiencestrappedinthebody-mindThisprocesscanbelikened to cleaning the surface of a crystal First it allows us to dealwith thegrime then it addresseswhat lies below and finally it encounters the pristineclarityofthecrystalundisturbedbywhatcloudedit
Intheparticularcaseofdealingwithgriefbeliefsystemsworldviewsandpreexistingmentalprogrammingusuallycloudourability toperceiveourgriefasnormalThetoxicbyproductsofstressthedebilitatingactionontheimmunesystem and the neurologically induced negative anticipatory thinking can andmustbetransformedsowecanstarttofeelbetteranddiligentlyandpurposefullyaccessthehiddengemfoundwithingrief
RelaxationCombatingStress
Relaxing practices such asanga shaithilya or self-relaxation are vital fordiminishing stress levels that areusuallyheightenedduringgriefAdjusting toournewundefinedrealityoften involves learningnewcopingskillsForsomeof us that alone can increase stress Relaxation is a potent normalizer andantidotetodealwiththeresultingsymptomsofbothsomaticallyexpressedstressandmentalanguishAngashaithilyaalsohelpsregulatedisturbedvitalfunctionssuch as breathing and cardiac rhythms sleep cycles and eating habitsRelaxation is also fundamental in helping the body achieve homeostasisbalancing blood-pressure levels and resetting the overall endocrine systemwhich in turnhelps to reduceourdramaticmoodswingsandgeneral stateofirritability
SankalpaResettingtheMind
OneofthemosteffectivementalreprogrammingtechniquesyogapossessesisSankalpa thepowerfulyogicprinciple referred toasldquoResolverdquoSettingourintentionorsayingaprayeroftenoutloudcanhelpresetthebrainandfocusthemind The application for grief in particular helps address the scattered andshatteredlinearthinkingthat issocharacteristicofgriefByfocusingthemindand identifying the present situation grieving individuals can clarify whatspecificchanges they intend toaccomplishThis tool is simplycalledResolveanditsurelyldquoresolvesrdquoThispracticeengagesourfullpresenceindicatingthatone is resolved to take the next step Resolve combats negative anticipatorythinking that stems from grief-induced disturbances of the limbic system Itaccomplishesthisbyformulatingintentionsonlyinthepresenttenseproducingpositive mental alignment and offering a powerful antidote for fear-basedruminations
MeditationTheChiefTechniquetoAddresstheSpirit
Many people think meditation involves stopping the mind Due to thiserroneousmisconceptionmanyfrustratedandconfusedseekerschoosetototallydiscard meditation In truth the attempt to stop the mind is futile since itcontradictsthemindrsquosinherentfunctioningwhichconstantlyshiftsfromthepast
tothefuturefromtherealtothefantasizedRatherthanattemptingtostopthemindmeditationofferstheever-changingmindalimitedrangeofchangemdashforexamplegoingfromchantingoneomtoanotherormovingfromonerepetitionoftheRosarytoanotheroneThisinturncomfortablydistractsthemindduetoanaturalfeatureofthebrainthatmaskspermanentstimuli
TobetterunderstandthismaskingfeatureimaginesomeonewhomovestoanewhomeinfrontofrailroadtracksandhearseachandeverypassingtrainAfewmonthslaterwhileentertainingathomeadinnerguestexpressesprofoundconcernabouttheintensenoiseldquoWowthesetrainsmustdriveyoucrazyrdquoThehostqueriesunthinkinglyldquoWhattrainsrdquo
HowthePracticeFunctionsasaWholeThe sadhana that Irsquove developed follows its own inherent rhythm leading usthroughprogressivesteps for transforminggriefFirst ithelpsusprepare tobepresentforthefullpaletteofourfeelingsthenitpromotestheproperflowoflifeforcecreatingoptimalconditionsforhealingNext itstirs theemotionalheartdeepeningourconnectionwithouremotionsandthenitprovidesanoutletforthe ones we want to release Subsequently it offers some control over theemotionalrollercoasterofgriefsothatbalancecanthenbeachievedThroughrelaxation thedeep releaseof internalandexternal stressors follows readyingthemindtoaccessnewprogrammingWethenhaveamoredirectunobstructedpathwaytothedepthofourSpiritforcreativelyredefiningournewidentity
OvercomingBarrierstoPractice
ThesadhanapresentedinthisbookisapracticeThereforeitrequiresyourcommitment to practice for you to reap the desired benefits This may seemobvious toyouyet that isnot so formanypeopleSomehope thatby simplyreadingthismaterialtheirsymptomswillspontaneouslyabateOthersalthoughencouragedby the results seenafter just a few initial rounds simplywill stoppracticebecausetheydonothavethewillorstrengthwithintocontinueSomereport that they donrsquot practice because of lack of appropriate support othersbecausetheyarewaitingforthemostidealconditionsthatneverseemtoshowupAlloftheseareexcusesthatcanandmustberesolved
SuccessinyogaandtheabilitytomanifestthebestpossiblelifeisbasedontwocoreprinciplespracticeandnonattachmentWorkingonnonattachment is
byfarmoredifficultthanworkingonestablishingapracticeEspeciallyduringexcruciatingly difficultmoments of bereavement the grievingmindmaywellresisttalkingaboutorconfrontingtheconceptofnonattachment
Asstatedinchapter1weonlygrievethelossofthatwhichweareattachedto This statement depicts exactly how grief and attachment are intrinsicallyintertwined
Eachpartofthesadhanaservestheoverallgoaloftransformingthecomplexexperience of grief by promoting body mind and spirit integration andrejuvenation
To accommodate the emotional waves and inherent fluctuations in thebereavementprocessIsuggestmaintaininganattitudeofdetachmenttowardtheimmediateresultsofpracticeSomedaysyourpracticewillbeintenseonothersitmaybemilderSomedaysyouwill feel content after practicing other daysyourpracticemighttakeyoutoplacesthatfeellessthansatisfyingThedeeperbenefitswill comeas a result of establishing a regular practiceKeep inmindthatinthebest-casescenarioaseriousdedicatedpracticecanactuallyleadonetononattachment
In the following chapter I will demonstrate how to do the practicesthemselveshoweachpracticehelpsusandhowtoestablishthebestlogisticstoensureasuccessfulpractice
Chapter4
WhatYouCanDoTheYogaPractice
This chapter features the sadhana a sequence of exercises presented in asimplewayandaspecificorderbestsuitedtoaidinyourgrievingprocessThepreviouschaptersharedinformationexplainingthegeneraleffectsofeachgroupof exercises This chapter explains how each technique specifically addressesgriefandhow topracticeeachoneby followingstep-by-step instructionsThechapter that follows this one will help you discern how and when to use theexercisesandifneedbehowtoadaptthemaccordingtoyourpersonalabilitiesand needsYoumay benefit from familiarizing yourselfwith both chapters asyou embark on your practice alternating between the two while learning thetechniquesandplanninghowtointegratethemintoyourlife
Hereisanat-a-glancelistofthesadhanaexercises(alongwiththeirSanskritnames)intheorderIproposetheybepracticedin
YogaforGriefReliefSadhana
Pranayama
CompleteBreathing(MahatYogaPranayama)
Asana
EnergyFlowSeries(Pawanmuktasana1)
Windmill(VayuChakramAsana)
AttitudeofDischarging(UtthitaLolasana)
Shatkarma
ConcentratedGazing(Tratak)
Pranayama
Alternate-NostrilBreathing(NadiShodhanaPranayama)
Relax
Self-RelaxationTechnique(AngaShaithilya)
MentalReprogramming
Resolve(Sankalpa)
Meditation
BreathMeditation
AcceptingLifeFully
ldquoLifeisonebreathinandonebreathouthelliprdquo
mdashPremPalSinghRawat
PracticingCompleteBreathingallowsyoutogetintouchwiththequintessentialmovementinyourlifeonebreathinandonebreathoutDuringbereavementthemindisconfusedinitsattempttograspanewrealityandtendstoruminateonthepastoranticipateanegativefutureSinceneitherof these tendenciesallowyoutoinhabitthepresentmdashtheonlyplacetoreallybemdashitisimportanttobringawarenesstowhatlifeisreallylikeinthemomentThisexercisecalmsthemindwhilethebodybenefitsfromreceivingaproperintakeofoxygenwhichhelpstoalleviatetheshortnessofbreathcommonlypresentwhengrieving
CompleteBreathing(MahatYogaPranayama)
Prior toactuallypracticingCompleteBreathing letrsquos takea lookatapreparatoryexercisethatwillhelpyoubetteridentifythethreepartsinvolvedinthetechnique
PreparationforCompleteBreathing
1 Lieonyourbackfindacomfortablepositionandplaceyourarmsatyoursideswithpalmsfacingup
2 ConnectwithyourbreathandobservethebreathrsquosnaturalrhythmObservetheinvolvementofyourbellyribsandchestinyourbreath
3 BringyourrighthandtothelowerbellykeepingtheelbowonthefloorBringthelefthandontoyourchestInhalebringingairmostlytothebellyExhalesoftlycontractingthebellyContinuetobreathethiswayforafewroundsNotethatatthistimethereshouldbenomovementofyourlefthandorintheribcageareaWitnesstherighthandmovingupanddownwhiletheleftremainsstill
4 Nowmovebothhandstotheribcageplacingthethumbatthebackoftheribscloseto
thespineandyourfingersinfrontMakesurethattheinneredgeofthehands(thumbtothetipoftheindexfinger)followsthecurveofyourribsRestthetipoftheindexfingerasclosetothefrontpartoftheribsasyoucanInhaleallowingtheribstoexpandExhaleallowingtheribstocomebacktowardthecenterofyourbodyastheycontractCompresstheribsslightlytowardthecenterofthebodywithyourhandsattheendoftheexhalationContinuetobreathethiswayforafewroundsNotethatthechestandbellyshouldexperiencelittlemovementatthistime
5 PlaceyourhandsbackatyoursidesforamomentbeforebringingthemtotheirpreviouspositionlefthandatthechestrighthandatthelowerbellyInhaleallowingthechesttofillupNoticethecollarbonesmovingtowardthejawboneThenexhaleallowingthechesttosoftlycontractasitreturnstotheoriginalpositionContinuetobreathethiswayforafewroundsAtthistimethereshouldbenomovementofthebellytherighthandortheribcagearea
Now that each phase of breathing has been broken down for you bring it together insequenceasCompleteBreathing
CompleteBreathing
1 Inhaleslowlyexpandingyourabdomen
2 Thenfullyexpandyourribs
3 Thenexpandthechestoutwardandupward
4 Exhalerelaxingfirsttheabdomenthentheribsandthenthechestfirstdownwardandtheninward
5 PracticecontinuousinhalationsandexhalationsTheremaybeatendencytoallowthebellytofallwhilebringingairintothechestDoyourbesttokeepthebellyfullduringinhalationandasyoucontinuetoengagetheremainingparts
Suggestedtime5minutes
Benefits
Itmaximizesyourinhalationsandexhalations
Ithelpsyougaincontrolofthebreathcorrectsalteredbreathingpatternsandincreasesoxygenintake
Itbringsawarenesstotheareawherethemainchakrasarelocatedthereforeenhancingconsciousconnectionwithrelatedthoughtsandsensations
Itservesasasymbolicacceptanceofthetotalityofthegrievingprocess
Ithelpspromoteapsychologicalsensationofgreatercontroloverlife
Precautions
Thewholeprocessshouldbeonecontinuousmovement
Eachphaseofbreathingmovesintothenextwithoutanyobvioustransitionpoint
Ifexperiencinglowerbackpainplaceacushionorothersupportunderyourknees
Contraindications
None
On a psychosomatic level by engaging your abdominal muscles duringCompleteBreathing you can connectwith gut feelings such as anger fear orguiltRawfeelingsexperiencedbytheheartoftenencounterresistancefromthemindThere isa reasonwhymanypeople refer to feelinganxiousashavingaknotintheirstomach
TheintercostalmusclesholdtheribstogetherandrelatetosafetyTheyarethemusclesthathelpprotectourpreciousvitalorgansItiscommontoseetherib cage locked in defensewith frightened and abused individualsBy tensingthe intercostals an individual attempts to re-create a sense of security that isbeing threatened Asking yourself questions to identify the threatmdashldquoWhat isthreateningmeHowcanImaintainasenseofsecurityWhatmightIneedtodordquomdashcanskillfullyelicitmuch-neededintrospectionAllowingtheribcagetoexpandissymbolicofyourintentiontobeflexibleregardingsafety
ThepectoralbreathrelatestoemotionsoryourelaboratedgutfeelingsMostofusfirstfilterourgutfeelingsthroughtheparametersofwhatweconsidersafethen transform them into complex emotions including other aspects related toourbeliefsystemsintellectualconsiderationslearneddefensemechanismsandmore
ldquoThewayinwhichyoubreatheisametaphorforthewayinwhichyouareliving your lifeAre you taking little sips of breath as though you donrsquot havepermission to takeupmuchspaceon theplanetrdquoasksAmyWeintraub(2004125)YourpracticeofCompleteBreathingissymbolicofyourcommitmenttoafullbreathandafulllifeThereforeyouareabletotrulyinhabitthepresentanddealwiththefeelingsthatgriefstirsupYoumightnotlikethesefeelingsyetitisnecessarytobepresentforthemiftheintentionistomovethroughthegriefprocess in a healthy way By exhaling fully you are also committing tocompletelylettinggoofwhatnolongerservesyoumdashperhapsagoodtrade-off
SomepeopleknowadifferentwayofpracticingthistechniquecalledDurgausingbellyribsandchesttoinhalebutexhalingusingchestfirstthenribsandbelly last I propose using belly ribs then chest for both inhalation andexhalation because it facilitates filling and also emptying the lungs mostefficiently Imagine one of those tubes of frosting with a metal tip used fordecoratingcakesIfyoureallywanttoemptyityoumustfirstpressthebottomthen the middle and last the tip The same applies to the lungs which arebasicallytwotriangleswiththebasefacingtowardthebottomofthetorsoThelungsemptymostcompletelywhen lowering thebelly first then theribs thenthechestThisactionalsoallowsforastrongerinhalationaftereachexhalationbecause nothing can be filled up completely if it has not been previously
emptiedAfter you havemastered the use of the three areas involved in this breath
workpleasepracticeCompleteBreathingusingyourpersonalbreathingrhythmPracticingbreathinginthewayIrsquoveindicatedcanbesymbolicallyusedasasignofyourwillingness toembrace thefullnessofyourgrievingprocessOnce thebreath is made conscious and its use enhanced by the practice of CompleteBreathingthenwecanattempttocontroltheflowoflifeforce
UnblockingtheFlowoftheLifeForceThisasanaseriesisamasterpieceofyogamdashatruegemmdashthoughperhapsduetoits simplicity deceptive power and gentle efficiency it is not alwaysacknowledged as such Unblocking the life forcersquos flow is essential whenattemptingtoregainhealthandpromotechangeThewordpawanmeansldquodivinewindrdquo and relates to the life force that comes with the breathmukta meansldquoreleaserdquo and asana means ldquoposerdquo Therefore pawanmuktasana translates toposes that removeblockages thatprevent thefree flowofenergy inbothbodyandmind This technique should be practiced from beginning to end withoutskippinganypart
EnergyFlowSeries(Pawanmuktasana1)
Sitwithyourlegsstraightandyourhandsbehindyourbodyfingerspointingawayfromyourtoes
ToeBending
1 Bringawarenesstoyourtoes
2 Nowrollthetoesforwardthenback
3 Keepyourawarenessonyourtoes
AnkleBending
1 Separateyourlegsslightlysothatwhenyouperformanklerotationsyourfeetdonottouch
2 Bringawarenesstoyourankles
3 RotateyouranklesinoppositedirectionskeepingthetoesrelaxedMakeaswidearotationasyoucomfortablycan
4 Nowreversedirections
KneeBending
1 Bringawarenesstoyourknees
2 Liedownonyourbackwithyourhandsunderthesacrumpalmsfacingdownandthesolesofyourfeetonthefloorkneesbent
3 Straightenyourrightlegupfully
4 Letthecalffallbendingattheknee
5 Nowswitchlegsandrepeat
6 Onceyouhavecycledthroughbothlegsstretchyourlegsoutfullyonthefloorremovingyourhandsfromunderthesacrumandlyingflatcontinuetobeawareofyourknees
HipRotation
1 Bringyourawarenesstothehips
2 Lifttherightlegslightlyoffthefloor
3 CrosstherightleglowovertheleftlegtowardyourleftarmkeepingthekneestraightKeepyourgluteusmusclesbackandshouldersflatonthefloortoavoidtwistingyourwaist
4 Bendtherightkneebringingittowardyourface
5 Opentherightlegouttotherightandstraightentheknee
6 Bringtherightlegtowardtheleftleg
7 Continuewiththerotationmakinganotherlargecircle
8 Repeatthecyclewiththesamelegbutrotateintheoppositedirection
9 Repeatwiththeleftleg
SpinalTwistProstrationPose
1 Bringyourawarenesstothewaist
2 Situpfromthelyingdownpositionandspreadyourlegsapart
3 Inhaleandbendthebodyforwardbringingyourarmstowardyourtoes
4 NowswingtheupperbodytotheleftandonanexhalebringyourtorsodowntothefloorcreatingatwistatthewaistYoushouldendupwithyourhandsandchinonthefloorandelbowsupMakesureyouleaveyourrightbuttockasclosetothefloorasyoucanwhilealsobringingtheleftshoulderdowntowardthefloor
5 Nowinhaleandcomeupswingingtheupperbodybacktowardyourfeet
6 Onanexhaleswingthebodytotherightside
7 Repeat
Besureyourchinrestswherethebackofyourheadwouldbeifyouwerelyingdown
HandClenching
1 Findacomfortablesittingposition
2 Keepingthespinestraightbringyourhandstothekneeswithpalmsfacingup
3 Bringawarenesstoyourfingers
4 Stretchthearmsforwardandstretchyourfingersspreadingthemapart
5 Thenbendyourfingersincreatingtwofists
6 Uncurlyourfingersandbringyourhandsbackdowntorestonyourkneeskeepingawarenessonyourfingers
Wrist-JointRotation
1 Moveawarenesstoyourwrists
2 StretchthearmsforwardagainmakingtwofistsKeepyourthumbsinsidethefists
3 KeepingyourhandsinthatpositionbringthemupandrotateyourwristsinoppositedirectionsKeepyourarmsparallelwiththefloorandmakesuretokeepthemstraighttheforearmsfacingdownrotatingonlythewrists
4 Nowreversethedirection
5 Bringyourhandsbacktothekneesrelaxthemandremainwithyourawarenessonthewrists
ElbowBending
1 Bringyourawarenesstotheelbows
2 Stretchtherightarmforwardwithpalmfacinguparmparalleltothefloor
3 Holdtherightarmwiththelefthandatthebicepareasupportingthewholearmsoitremainsatshoulderlevel
4 Bendtheelbowbringingyourfingerstotheshoulder
5 Nowlettheforearmfallforwardstraighteningyourarmagainwiththepalmfacingup
6 Changearmsandrepeat
7 Nowbringyourarmsdownrelaxingthemandplacingyourhandsattheknees
8 Keepyourawarenessontheelbows
ShoulderSocketRotation
1 Bringawarenesstoyourshoulders
2 Onaninhalemovethetipsofyourfingerstothetipsofyourshoulders
3 ExhaleplacingtheelbowstogetherinfrontofyourchestYourelbowsshouldtouch
4 InhalebringingtheelbowsupthenbackMakesurethehandstouchatthebackoftheneck
5 ExhalebringingtheelbowsdownthenforwardcompletingthecircleMakesuretokeeptheneckrelaxed
6 Repeattheexercisewiththeelbowsrotatingintheoppositedirection
7 Whendonebringyourhandstorestonthekneesrelaxingtheshoulders
NeckRotations
1 Bringawarenesstoyourneck
2 Lettheheadfallforward
3 Nowbringtheheadupthenletitrollbackopeningthemouthslightly
4 Repeatthemotion
5 Nowbringyourheadbackstraighttoitsoriginalpositionandtiltitslightlytotherightbringingtherighteardowntowardtherightshoulder
6 BringtheheadbackupandtiltittotheleftbringingthelefteardowntowardtheleftshoulderDonrsquotturnyourneckonlymovethehead
7 Nowbringthechindowntoyourchest
8 Bringthechinupandmoveittowardtherightshoulder
9 Thenbringyourchinuppointingittowardtheceiling
10 Nowmoveyourchintowardtheleftshoulder
11 Thenbringitdowntowardthechest
12 ReversedirectionsRemembertokeepyourshouldersandhandsrelaxedasyoucyclethroughthemovementsKeepyourawarenessonyourneck
Suggestednumberofrepetitionsnolessthan3timeseachmovement
Suggestedtime10minutes
Benefits
Itpromotesthefreeflowoflifeforce
Itoptimizestheconditionsforhealing
Itstimulatesproperlymphaticdrainage
Itimprovesproperjointfunctionalitycombatingtheeffectsofarthritisandotherdegenerativeillnesses
Itrelaxesthemusclesofthebodyandtheimpulsesthattravelbacktothebrainrelaxingthemind
Ittunesuptheautonomicnerves
Itbalanceshormonalfunctions
Itimprovesvitalorganfunctions
Itimprovestheattentivefacultyofthemind
Precautions
Stayfocusedoneachbodypartpriortomovingitwhilemovingitandafterwardaswell
BesensitivetopainassociatedwithpotentialpoppingsoundswhenmovingthehipsIfthepoppingisnotpainfulyoumightcontinue
IfmomentarilyunabletoperformamovementdonotskipthatjointorplaceRathervisualizethemovementasfullyasyouareabletothencontinuewiththesubsequentjoint
Contraindications
Thisseriesneedstobemodifiedifyouhaveinjuriesorlimitationsinanyparticularjointinvolved
Thosesufferingfromsciaticaorlowerbackndashrelatedconditionsshouldbesensitivetopainwhenperformingthoseasanasthatinvolvethisareaofthebody
Theneckexercisesshouldnotbeperformedfullybythosesufferingfromhighbloodpressureorextremecervicalspondylosis
As we free the energy in our body it flows from healthy places tocompromised areas promoting the flow of the life force nourishing the bodyfromwithinandallowingittohealGriefisnotanillnessalthoughattimeswecertainlyfeelquitesickOurbodiesacheyearningforthereestablishmentofourwell-beingAspracticehelpstorestoreorderandproperoverallfunctioningwearemoreequippedtocopewithgrievoushealthdisturbances
Placing our awareness on each joint helps us gain deeper contact withourselvesheighteningourperceptionofsensationsandfeelingsinthebody
Doing this offers thepossibilityof tapping into thebodyrsquos rhythmswhichare often much clearer than the perceptions of the mind After all we canrsquotchangewhatwedonrsquotknowWhilegrievingourawarenessisoftenmisguidedlyplacedon thedramaofour losses Increasingawarenessof thebody improvesthereceptivityofthemindbecauseoftheintricateunionofthesetwoaspectsofoursystem
Learninghowourbodyrespondstoouractionsisexpertlydemonstratedinthe alternation of first feeling a joint in stillness and then feeling it in actionWhenwe focus on how it feels tomove this part of our bodywe engage infeelingtheeffectsmoreprecisely
ThemonitoringoftheconditionofourjointsservesasamappingdeviceItis a fresh angle on self-reflection which enables us to witness progress Themoving body releases information regarding feelings and mental impressionsthatweholdinourmoleculesBycarefullylisteningtotheemergencewecanhear our own internal guidance taking us a step closer to reinforcing existingfeelingsorchangingthemtosuitourneeds
The flexions and extensions contractions and torsionsmdashall help the bodypurgeundesiredchemicalbyproductsofgriefTheseactionspromotethereleaseoftoxinsthatifleftinsidemakeouranxietygreaterourdepressiondeeperandourconfusionmorepronouncedMonitoringthedailychangeshelpsuswitnessthe small improvements that practice of this technique brings By witnessingthesedailymicroimprovementsyoucangainrenewedhopeinthepossibilityofincrementalshiftsthatreduceclassicalnegativeanticipatorythinking
Themindcanconvenientlyldquoforgetrdquosomejointssotry toremembertonotskip any of the exercises so as to avoid further blockages Even if you canrsquotmovea jointdue toafunctional limitationsimplyvisualize therotationOncewersquove cleared the pathways of the life force in the system we are ready tofurtherstirupourfeelingsandmakeadeeperandmoresignificantconnectionwith themmdashsomethingthefollowingexercise theWindmill isuniquelysuitedfor
WhiskingUptheFeelingsTheWindmillisthekeyasana intheYogaforGriefReliefsadhanaandgivesyou access to themost powerful resource you can tap intoAlthough it is notfound in classical yoga texts it relates to a similar exercise included inBioenergeticsatechniqueinventedbyAmericanphysicianandpsychotherapistAlexander Lowen (1994) I felt inspired to design theWindmill exercise andintegrateit intomygrief therapypracticebecauseof theprofoundeffect ithadon me As a somatic psychotherapist I was absolutely fascinated by theimmediate effect of how quickly whirling arm movements enhance theperceptionoffeelingsInadditionIlearnedthatintraditionalChinesemedicinesome rotational movements of the arms are often prescribed to deal withsymptomsofgriefpinpointedinthelungs
AnandaBalayogiBhavananiadearfriendandoneofthemodernscholarsofYoga in India provided me with a Sanskrit name for the technique vayuchakramasanaorldquowheelofairrdquoThroughmanyyearsofusingthistechniqueIhavecometorealizethattheeffectivenessoftheWindmillisabsolutelyduetothe intentionally direct contact with anahata chakra the heart center whereattachmentisdeveloped
Windmill(VayuChakramAsana)
RightArm
1 Standwithyourfeetparallelthekneesunlockedthespinestraightandyourarmsatyoursides
2 Turnthethumbofyourrighthandinwardtowardthelegfirstthenturnitbackwardsothatyourpinkyfacesforwardandyourpalmfacesouttotheside
3 InhaleasyoumoveyourarmforwardandupStopafterthearmpassesslightlybehindtheheadandholdyourbreathfeelingtheslightstretchinthepectoralmuscles
4 OpenyourmouthrelaxyourtongueandwhileexhalingletthearmdropbackanddownwhileemittinganldquoaaahrdquosoundAvoidbumpingyourlegwithyourarmasitdropsdowninafreefallAllowthearmtonaturallystopswinging
SemifastForm
1 Afteranumberofrepetitionsoftheslowformbendyourkneesslightlyandrotateyourarmcontinuouslyatmediumspeedfollowingthesamemotionasbefore
2 AllowforaquickinhalationthroughthenosefollowedbytheldquoaaahrdquosoundasyoucontinuouslyrotateyourarmMakesureyourarmrotatescontinuouslyAvoidholdingyourbreathasyoudidbeforeAvoidbobbingupanddownkeepyourkneesbentthroughout
FastForm
1 Increasethespeeduntilyourotatethearmasfastasyoucanwhilecontinuingtobreathemdashmorerapidlynowmdashandmakingtheldquoaaahrdquosound
2 Stopthemovementstraightenthekneesandconnectwithanyemotionsorfeelingsthatmightarisewithclosedeyes
Youmightexperiencepain inyourfingertips If thepain istoointenseyoumayholdyourarmuprightandallowthebloodtoflowawayfromtheextremitieswhichreleasesanypainalmost immediately Please also consider bearing with the pain because it might be aneffectivemetaphorforyourwillingnesstowithstandthepainofgrief
LeftArm
1 Repeatasfortherightarm
BothArms
1 Facebothpalmsoutwiththepinkiesfacingforward
2 Inhaleasyoumovebotharmsforwardandup
3 StopthemovementwhenthearmspassslightlybehindyourheadHoldyourbreathfeelingtheslightstretchinbothpectoralmuscles
4 Openyourmouthrelaxyourtongueandwhileexhalingletthearmsdropbackanddownwhileemittinganldquoaaahrdquosound
SemifastForm
1 Afteranumberofrepetitionsoftheslowformbendyourkneesslightlyandrotateboth
armscontinuouslyatmediumspeedfollowingthesamemotionasbefore
FastForm
1 Increasethespeeduntilyourotatethearmsasfastasyoucanwhilecontinuingwiththefastbreathandtheldquoaaahrdquosound
2 Stopthemovementstraightenthekneesandconnectwithanyemotionsorfeelingsthatmightarisewithclosedeyes
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10timeswhenperformingtheslowversionnolessthan10 times when performing the semifast and fast versions A better recommendationhoweverisforyoutosimplyself-regulatetherepetitionssincecountingthemcandistractfromtheupsurgeofemotionalcontent
Benefits
Itunblockstheheartchakraoxygenatingandrelaxingthepectoralmuscleswhileallowingthefeelingsandemotionstofindawaytothesurfaceofyourbodyandyourconsciousness
Itenhancestheupper-pectoralbreathincreasingthelungsrsquocapacitytoreceiveair
Itincreasesbloodcirculationtotheupperthorax
Ithelpsreleasetightnessintheneckandlessenthesensationoffeelingchoked
Itincreasesageneralfeelingofaliveness
Itincreasesthesensationinthesolesofyourfeetallowingadeeperfeelingofgrounding
Precautions
EnsurethattheneckremainsrelaxedandtheheadstaysstraightthroughouttheexerciseAvoidtiltingtheheadinanydirection
Keepyourkneesbent(whenpracticingthesemifastandfastforms)toreducelower-backimpact
Bearinmindthatalldegreesofpracticemdashfromvisualizationtofullperformancemdashareeffective
Remembernottobreakthestraightlineofyourpostureasyouexhaleandbringthearmsdown
Donottwistthebodytothesideorrotateitwhiledroppingthearmsdownasyouexhale
Contraindications
ThosesufferingfromrotatorcuffndashrelatedconditionsshouldonlyvisualizetheWindmillorperformitinawaythatdoesnotpromotepainIfpainappearsstopmovementthentryasimplerlessinvolvedvariation
ThesemifastandfastmovementsshouldbeperformedwithcarerespectingtheinherentlimitationswithregardtoanypreexistingconditionssuchasneckshoulderorbackinjuriesoraheartconditionIfanyofthesemovementspromotemorethanslightpainorifyouhavedoubtsaboutwhethertheyareappropriateforyouatthistimepleaseconsultamedicalprofessionalbeforeperformingthisexercise
TheWindmillhelpsactivatethepectoralmuscleswhilehelpingthescapulaeto rotate unlockingour emotional armor and relieving tension in the shoulderarea As the tense muscles start to loosen our perceptions change as buriedemotionsstartmigratingfromstuckplacesinthebody
The nature of the Windmill exercise is active I feel it is important toemphasize that although it is natural to resist the emotions these movementsmightbringupworkingthroughthemistheonlywaytotransformgrief
PracticingtheWindmillproveshelpfulforwhatwasoncetenselockedandshutawaytobecomeopenanddynamicYouareinvitedtomeetyourselffullywhenyouactivate thispartofyourbodyenhancing thepotential toalteryourperceptionofyourpreviouslyheldbeliefs
Justlikekidsthinktheyareinvisiblewhentheyhidebehindtheirownhandswhileplayingpeek-a-booweplayanadultversionofthegamebythinkingthatbynotnamingourfeelingsandignoringthemwedonrsquotfeelthemWeknowthateverybody can see the little kid behind his hands and in a similar way ourhigherselfcanseewhatwedonrsquotwanttoacknowledgeaspartofourexperienceHowcanwechange somethingwhenwedonrsquot know it is thereHowcanweconsciouslytransformabeliefifwearenotawareofit
Moving through thepainofgrief is anessential taskFeeling thepainandbecomingfamiliarwith it is thefirststepNextweconsciouslyworkwith thepainandtransformitthroughouractionsRememberthatyouhavenotactuallycreatedanyfeelingsbypracticingtheWindmilltheyarealreadythereinsideofyou
Theshortmomentofretentionofthein-breathallowsforanopportunitytomatchthebodyrsquospresentenvironmentofoverchargedfeelingsandtension thatyouaregoingthroughinlifeanditpreparesthesystemforthesubsequentreliefwhenswingingthearmbackanddownTheldquoaaahrdquosoundinducesyourabilitytoexpressyourselftogetthingsoffyourchestSoundhelpsopenthepathwaystowarda full expressionof theemotionsassociatedwith the loss andwith thenew situation that results Because grieving individuals need to be heardopening the avenues of communication both with yourself and others is veryimportantTheUniversebehavesaswavesusingsoundcanhelpyoubegin to
modifyyourrealityonacosmiclevelYourabilitytospeakyourtruthreshapesthecircumstancesthatcomposeyournewreality
DuringtimesofgriefacknowledgingwhereweareinrelationtoourprocesscanbechallengingProbablyinfusedbythesocietalawkwardnessaroundgriefmdashthe fact that nobody wants to talk about itmdashwe too feel awkward and notnecessarilycomfortableexposingourachingheartsshowingourtruepainThispromotes isolation and enhances the feeling that no one can understand usWhileitistruethatnotwoindividualsgrieveinthesamewayitisalsotruethatthereareuniversaltraitstoeveryonersquosgriefandsharinginthisprocesscanbeofimmense assistance at this time Being able to speak about your realitywhengrievingcanhelpyouemotionallyaccepttherealityofthelossThisisliberatingin itself provided that the other is a good listener What is a good listenerSomeone who is receptive accepting and willing to just listen and not giveadvicesomeonewhoisnotapttogiveflippantanswerssuchasldquoDonrsquotworryyoursquollbeallrightrdquo
SomeprefertheslowformoftheWindmillbecauseitismorepleasantthanthesemifastandfastformsPreferablythefasterformsofthetechniqueshouldbe practiced with supervision and closely monitored by an experienced andseasoned yoga therapist or even better by a competent body-orientedpsychotherapistTheelevatedenergetictoneofboththesemifastandfastformsoftenevokeveryintensefeelingsThewillingnessandreadinesstoexposeyourdeepestdefensemechanismsdemands increasedcaution compassion andcaretowardyourself
I have seen many yoga practitioners having breakthroughs with theWindmill tapping into their own unmasked hearts at times exhilarated bymerelywitnessingtheirownrichpaletteoffeelingsothertimesoverwhelmedbythe intensityof itallBecause theconsequencescanbevery intense I suggestusingtheslowformonlyatfirstYoumaywanttoleavetheothertwospeedsforatimewhenyoucanpracticewithproperguidanceandareemotionallypreparedtoworkwithwhatarisesWhileitistruethatyouwanttofaceyouremotionalrealityyoumustdosoinawaythatisfeasibleandproductiveforgrowth
The imageof awindmill using thepowerof thewind to grindgrains intoflourisasavalidanalogyasitexemplifiestheprocessofworkingthroughourown grief Transforming the hardness of the process into something we canderivenurturancefrommirrorsthehardshellonthegrainThemillingturnsthehardness into something thatwecanuseBy releasingour armoredpostureofprotectionwegainaccesstothehiddengemwrittenaboutearlierinthischapterChapter6furtheraddressestheaspectsofsuchatransformation
LetGoThe Attitude of Discharging exercise offers an extraordinary outlet for yourheightened feelings brought to consciousness after practicing the WindmillNow stirred up your emotions are available and accessible for creativeexternalization
ThisasanademonstrateshowyogacanbeusedtoaddressissuesattheircorebyhelpingindividualsdischargeunwantedfeelingsInsteadofofferingspecificantidotes foreach feelingweefficientlyassumeanattitudeof lettinggo tobeappliedtoanyandallfeelings
ThequestiongrievingindividualsaskmostoftenisldquoWhatdoIdowiththesefeelingsrdquoEventhoughfeelingsaretobefeltitistruethatmostofuswanttodosomething with them In the words of JWilliamWorden ldquoSadness must beaccompaniedbyanawarenessofwhatonehaslostangerneedstobeproperlyand effectively targeted guilt needs to be evaluated and resolved and anxietyneedstobeidentifiedandmanagedrdquo(200996)
Onceyouidentifyyourfeelingsyoucanassesswhatactionsareneededtoaddress them The following asana allows you to discharge negative andunpleasant feelings or perhaps to discharge those that prevent you fromaccessing the positive feelings you awaken by practicing the Windmill andwouldliketoexperiencemoredeeply
AttitudeofDischarging(UtthitaLolasana)
1 Standwithlegsapartfeetparallelandkneesbent
2 Onaninhalebringthearmsforwardandupthenbendbackwardmovingthepelvisforwardandtiltingtheheadback
3 Holdyourbreathattheendoftheinhalation
4 Openyourmouthrelaxthetongueandthenwhileexhalingswingtheupperbodyforwardanddownuntilcomingtoacompleterelaxationoftheupperbodyandemittinganldquoaaahrdquosound
5 WhileinhalingmovethearmsforwardandupRepeat
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10times
Benefits
Ittonesthespinalnerves
Itmassagesthevitalorgans
Itstretchesthehamstringsandbackmuscles
Itimproveslymphaticmovementanddrainagefromtheabdomenandbaseofthelungsallowingforanimprovedfullerbreath
Itstimulatesbloodflowtothebrain
Itfacilitatesdischargeofferingfeelingsandemotionalsensationsawayout
Precautions
Keepthekneesbentatalltimesincludingattheendoftheinhalationwhenyouarebentbackward
Makesuretheheadandarmscometoafullrelaxationaftereachdownwardswingingmovementwhenperformingtheregularversion
Contraindications
ThisasanashouldbemodifiedifpracticedbypeoplesufferingfromvertigoInthiscaseavoidplacingtheheaddown
Peoplewithhighbloodpressureshouldavoidthecompleteversionoftheasanalimitingtheforward-downmovementwiththeuppertorso
Thosesufferingfrombackconditionsparticularlyinthelowerbackneedtomonitorpainespeciallywhencomingupafterthedownwardswingingmovement
Thedifficultmomentofbendingbackwardattheendoftheinhalationmightmirror an equally challenging moment during bereavement that of feelingexposed awkward imbalancedvulnerableThe forcefuldownwardmovementoffersanopportunitytoreleasethoseembodiedfeelings
Irsquovefoundthreevariationsofthisposturetobeparticularlyhelpfultothosewhoaregrieving
The first variation includesperforming the technique in a continuous fashion andwith noretention of the in-breath at the end of each inhalation Always keep your knees bent toavoid locking them in an attempt to control the heightened intensity of feelings In mypractice Irsquove found that active people andmen in particular usually enjoy this variationbecause of its enhanced active component The constant use of the ldquoaaahrdquo sound alsotendstoresonatewithmenwhousuallyprefergrowlingouttheiremotionstotalkingaboutthem
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10times
AsecondvariationentailsldquoplacingrdquotheparticularfeelingyouneedtodischargeinthepalmsofyourhandsAsyoumoveforwardanddownvisualizethatemotionbeingreleasedintothe earth Holding the feeling in the palms helps the mind concretize the feeling andenhancestheintensityandfocusofthedischarge
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10times
A third variation has your hands making full contact with the floor at the end of theexhalationwith the ldquoaaahrdquosoundsustainedAvoid tapping thehandson the floor ratherkeep the full contact for as long as you are exhaling and emitting the ldquoaaahrdquo soundVisualizepushingthefeelingsforcefullyintothehotmagmaatthecenteroftheearthAllowthe upper body to fully lean on the hands and intensify the push imagining the emotiontravelingathighspeedandmeltingintotheearthrsquoscoreRememberthatmeltingsomethingdoes not get rid of it it merely changes its form In a similar way our feelings cannotdisappearbutinsteadcanbetransformedwithintentiontimeandwork
Suggestednumberofrepetitions3times
IfyouarecompromisedinyourbodilycapacitytoperformthisexercisebesafeandonlyengageuptoyourlimitorpracticebyvisualizingthetechniqueIrsquove evenproposed this exercise to people confined to awheelchair engagingonlytheupperbodyarmsandheadasavariationofthisposture
After performing such an intense asana we are now ready to move to aquietercalmerpracticetocontinueworkingwithourgrief
SleepBetterandAwakentoaNewPerspectiveThetechniquethatfollowsisusefultohelpbalancethepinealglandBecauseofitsinvolvementinregulatingthefunctionsoftheotherendocrineglandsthisisagoodway to reset the endocrine system in its entirety This exercise can helpindividualsstrengthentheirprotectionfromforeignagentsandavoidtherelapseofpreexistingconditionsthatoftenoccursatthisvulnerabletimeThisisduetothe relationship between the endocrine system and the immune systemparticularlyatthethymusglandThepinealglandisoftenheavilytaxedduringthegriefprocess and the insomniamanygrieversexperiencemdashor itsoppositeoversleepingmdashis the result of an imbalance in the melatonin it producesEngaging the optic nerves is a way of addressing this disturbance since theglandreactstolightregisteredthroughthesenerves
ConcentratedGazing(Tratak)
1 SitcomfortablyandextendyourrightarmwithyourfistclosedandyourthumbpointingupthethumbnailfacingyouIfyouneedsupportforthearmplacetheclosedfistofyourlefthandattherightarmpitYoumayalsobendtherightkneeanduseyourkneetosupportthearm
2 Locateadistantobject(atleast10feetaway)ateyelevelasafocalpointandplaceyourthumbnailwithinthelineofvisionbetweenyoureyesandthedistantobjectoffocusTheobjectbeingfocusedonshouldberelativelysmallsuchasadoorknobarockoradrawnblackdot
3 Focusonyourthumbnailfor1minute
4 Shiftyourfocustothedistantobjectfor1minute
5 Shiftbacktoyourthumbnail
6 Repeattheprocessofswitchingthefocus3times(6timesintotal)Avoidblinkingthroughouttheexerciseifyoucan
Suggestedtime Including1minuteof focusandthreeswitchesbetweenfocalpoints thepracticetakes6minutes
Benefits
ItstimulatestheopticnerveswhichpromptsthefunctionsofthepinealglandTheresultingbalancedlevelsofmelatonintendtoregulatemanybiorhythmsincludingthesleep-wakecycle
Ithelpsregulatestressbyinfluencingthefight-or-flightreactionandmodulatesthe
immunesystem
Itincreasesnervousstabilityremovesinsomniaandrelaxestheanxiousmind
Itimprovesthememoryandhelpstodevelopgoodconcentrationandstrongwillpower
Spirituallyitawakensajnachakra
Precautions
Alwaysavoidunnecessarystrain
Betolerantofdifferentexperiencessuchasseeingtwothumbsortwodistantfocalpointsmdashtheseexperienceschangewithtime
Contraindications
Thosesufferingfromglaucomashouldbesensitivetopainandmodifythepracticeasneededbyreducingthetimefocusingorthenumberofchangesbetweenfocalpoints
Many practitioners report falling asleep before completing a full round ofConcentrated Gazing With steady practice cosmic rhythms soothe the bodyhelping it remember when to sleep and when to stay awake The wisdom ofhealthy grieving lives more in the Spirit than in the mindWorking with thepineal gland is important for its connection with ajna chakra the third eyewhere we view life through awakened intuitive knowledge Our Spirit knowsthatthingsendandourbodiesareaccustomedtoprocessingendingsconstantlyyetitisourmindsthatwantthethingsweareattachedtotobewithusforever
ConcentratedGazingalsooffersasymbolicopportunity to takea lookathowwewant totransition through the next steps of our lives The two focal points one close and onedistant serve as symbols of the situations we go through when grievingWhen the oldrealityisnotthereanylongerandthenewoneisnotyetknownourcontrollingmindshavea hard time waiting The negative anticipatory thinking indicative of the limbic systemrsquosinvolvement ingriefmakesusperceivetheprojectednewrealitynegatively It fillsuswithideassuchasthinkingthatnoonewillloveusasmuchorthatnojobwilleversuitusinthesamewayThatmightbetrueorcompletelyfalseandwecanrsquotknowyetInthemeantimewe can only trust the journey and accept that changewill come Shifting focus from thethumbnail (our present situation) to the chosen distant point (the new reality to bediscovered)symbolizesthejourneyahead
DecidingonwhatcouldbethedistantfocalpointcanbeveryusefulindeterminingthenextstepsofthejourneyYoucanchooseapicturerepresentativeofhowyouwouldliketofeelinthefutureorthehouseyouwouldliketohaveorthejobyouwouldliketogetPlaceitinthedistancesowhenyouswitchtothatfocalpointyouareaddingintentionandmeaningtoyourpracticeDecidingwheretostartandwheretoend(with thedistantorclosefocalpoint)canaddstrengthtoyourabilitytomeetyourselfwhereyouareandtoyourprecisionindefiningyourfuture
Sometimes the eyesget tiredor strainedwhenpracticing this technique Ifthishappensrubthepalmsofyourhandstogetherthenbringthecuppedhandstoyoureyesandenjoythewarmthanddarknessthatcansoothethem
After acknowledging the reality of your loss identifyingwhere you are inthepresentmomentandbeginningtounderstandwhereyouwouldliketobeinthe futureyoucanpracticea technique thathelpsyoucontrolyour immediateenvironmentandeffectivelycalmsthemind
ControlIsSomehowPossibleOneoftherealitiesofgrief is that inmostcases thelosswasprobablyoutofourcontrolEvenwhenthelossistheresultofachoicethesubsequentsufferingisoftenunavoidableIfwehadcompletecontrolwewouldneverloseanythingnorwouldwechoosetosuffer
When confronting the challenges of grief themind and the body both gothrough symptoms thatmimic our discomfortwhen facedwith loss of control(difficultybreathingmuscletensionetc)Byactivelyengagingbothmindandbody through yoga exercises we can immediately bring back some sense ofcontrolintoourlivesOurmostimmediateconnectiontolifeisourbreathandbringingbalancetoitcanbeachievedbypracticingAlternate-NostrilBreathing
Alternate-NostrilBreathing(NadiShodhanaPranayama)
YoumaynotknowitbuttherightnostrilandtheleftnostrilrarelycarrythesameamountofairTrythissimpleexerciselickyourindexfingerinhaleandbringyourfingerclosetoyourrightnostrilwhileexhalingthenrepeatwiththeothernostrilWellUnlessyouareindeepbalanceatthistimeoneofthemcarriesmoreairthantheother
1 Sitinacomfortablepositionwiththeheadandspineuprightandtheleftarmbentoveryourbellysothattherightelbowcanrestontheleftforearm
2 HoldthefingersofyourrighthandinfrontofyourfaceResttheindexandmiddlefingersgentlyonthecenteroftheeyebrowsBothfingersshouldberelaxedPositionthethumbnexttotherightnostrilandtheringfingernexttotheleftnostrilThelittlefingershouldbecomfortablyfolded
3 Inhalethenclosetheleftnostrilwiththeringfingerandexhalethroughtherightnostril
4 Inhalethroughthesamerightnostril
5 Unblocktheleftnostrilandclosetherightonewiththethumb
6 Exhalethroughtheleftnostril
7 Inhalethroughthesamenostriltheleft
8 Unblocktherightnostrilandclosetheleftonewithyourringfinger
9 Exhalethroughtherightnostrilandinhalethroughthesamenostril
10 Continuethealternationonlychangingnostrilsaftertheinhalation
Suggested time5minutesofAlternate-NostrilBreathingplus5minutesofSingle-NostrilBreathingifdesired
Benefits
Itinducestranquilityclarityofthoughtandconcentration
Itincreasesvitalityandlowerslevelsofstressandanxietybybalancingtheflowoflifeforce
Itclearslifeforceblockagesandbalancestheflowinbothnostrils
Carbondioxideisefficientlyexpelledandthebloodispurifiedoftoxins
Itpromotesspiritualawakening
Precautions
Avoidforcingthebreath
Donotbreathethroughthemouth
SometimesonenostrilmaybeblockedpreventingtheeasyflowofbreathIftherightnostrilisblockedmakeafistwithyourlefthandandplaceitunderyourrightarmpitPressupagainsttheunderarmbringingyourrightarmdownContinuetopracticethiswayfor3minutesThenremovethehandRepeatfortheleftsideasnecessary
Contraindications
None
In yoga the right nostril relates to the sun masculinity activity givingdaytime extroversion social life partying The left relates to the moonfemininity passivity receiving nighttime introversion spiritual life restingWhen experiencing anxiety your right nostril is more engaged the oppositeoccurs when you are depressed or depletedmdashthe left nostril carries more airMaking the air go through both nostrils alternately brings your system into amorebalancedrelationshipbetweenyouractiveandpassiveaspectsoftheselfinfluencingthewayyouexperience thepresentsituation ItallowsthemindtocalmandtapintothealternationofallthingsThiscanhelpyoutrustthateventhoughyouarenowanxiousyouwilleventuallyrelaxandifyouaresadyouwilleventuallybehappyagain
The rightnostril also corresponds to the sympathetic energizingbranchofthe autonomic nervous system The left nostril is related to the relaxingparasympatheticbranchthatusuallyprevailswhenoneisgrievingBalancingtheactivity of these two aspects of your nervous system reestablishes the lost
equilibrium regulating your functions and balancing your reactions This isassuredlyamuchmorestablewaytorespondtoyournewenvironment
Practicingbreathingthroughasinglenostrilmdashprovidedthatitrsquosnotdoneformore than 5 minutesmdashcan bring surprising changes to your emotional stateenergizing you when yoursquore feeling depressed and calming you when yoursquorefeelinganxiousMentallyyoucangainamorepositiveperspectiveorcalmtheconstantchatterof thoughtswithAlternate-NostrilBreathingGiven thepowerofthistechniquethedirectiveofdoingamaximumof5minutesrsquoworkwithonenostrilistobetakenseriouslyPleaseknowthatexceeding5minutesrsquotimecanresult in difficulties negotiating the altered state and rebalancing your energyproperly
In general retaining the breath either in or out is another possiblemanipulationofthebreathwhenpracticingpranayamaOnapsychologicallevelithelpsusperceiveanddealwithtwooppositetypesofanxietiesretainingthein-breathrelatestotheanxietyweexperiencerelatedtolifetoitsfullnesstoitsintensityretainingtheout-breathrelatestoourfeelingsaboutdeathingeneraland particularly our own deathsWhile practicingAlternate-NostrilBreathingnotice if you are holding your breath at the end of the inhalation or theexhalationandseeifitrelatestoyourfeelings
Voluntarilymanipulatingtheactiveandpassivewithinyouhelpsyouacceptthat change is the norm that all things fluctuate and that change is possiblewithinyourselfNomatterwhereyouareinyourgrievingprocessyouwillnotbe in the same place in the future regardless of what things look like in thepresent moment Switching willingly from one nostril to the other andwitnessingthechangehelpsyourmindintegratethenewsituationaspartofyourever-changinglife
After witnessing the varying symptoms of grief and starting to use yourbreathtobringbackasenseofcontrolyouarenowreadytofullyrelax
BringingCalmtoaScatteredMindandaDistressedBody
GriefisstressfulThereforeastateofrelaxationiscrucialandyetthisstateisdifficulttoaccessmostofthetimeThestress-relievingeffectsofyogaaresomeofthemoststudiedfeaturesofthedisciplineandareveryusefulwhengrievingEven though any relaxation technique could work and would be good myintention in including a self-relaxation technique is to empower individuals to
use their ownmeans to relaxThe first lesson of loss is to not depend on thepermanenceof thingsmdashwhich iswhyanexternal sourceof relaxation suchassoothingmusicoraguidedrelaxationonaDVDwhilebeneficialwouldnotusethenewlyacquiredinformationtoourmaximumbenefit
Self-RelaxationTechnique(AngaShaithilya)
1 LieonyourbackwithyourpalmsfacingupBringyourawarenesstothebreathFindthenaturalrhythmofyourbreathbreathinginandoutslowlyandsteadilythroughthenostrils
2 Nowbringtheawarenesstoyourfeet
3 Inhaleexhale
4 InhaleexhalerepeatingtoyourselfsilentlyldquoMyfeetarerelaxedrdquo
5 Bringawarenesstoyourlegs
6 InhaleexhaleWhileexhalingrepeatsilentlytoyourselfldquoMylegsarerelaxedrdquo
7 Bringawarenesstoyourpelvis
8 InhaleexhaleWhileexhalingrepeatsilentlytoyourselfldquoMypelvisisrelaxedrdquo
9 ContinuethepracticebyrepeatingthesamepatternforHands
Arms
Shoulders
Back
Torso
Neck
Face
Head
Mind
10 EndbyrepeatinginternallyldquoIamcompletelyrelaxedrdquothreetimes
Suggestedtime10minutes
Benefits
Itrelaxesthebody
Ithelpsthemindrelax
Itcombatsthestressfuleffectsofgrief
Itreplenishesthegeneralenergylevelofthebodycombatingfatigue
Precautions
Doyourbesttomemorizethetwelvebodypartsincludedinthetechniquetoavoiddistractionswhilepracticingit
Contraindications
None
Using a technique that offers relaxation with deep detailed awareness ofoneself and that is grounded in the rhythm of the breath is a great way tointegrate other exercises of the practice in the relaxation Notice that thisexercise follows the samebodyorder as theEnergyFlowSeriesOpening thepracticewiththedirectivetostayconnectedwithyourbreathrhythmisanotherformofBreathMeditationTherepetitionofldquoMy___________isarerelaxedrdquoisnothingotherthantheactivepracticeofResolve(seethefollowingexercise)
Be prepared to hear the mind voicing statements such as ldquoI canrsquot relaxbecause Ihave to rememberwhatpart isnextrdquoTo remedy thismemorize thepartsbeforepracticingandyoucanavoidthisinterruptionThistechniquehelpswithmanyofthesymptomsofgriefincludingphysicalpainItgivesthebodyanopportunity to take a rest from the depleting hyperactive symptoms of theemotionalstressandreplenishitselfRelaxingthebodyalsohelpsthemindcalmdownandreducetheconstantmentalchatterallowingyoutofocusonplantingtheseedsofyournewlifethroughResolve
DissolvingOldPatternsandReprogrammingtheMindwithIntention
Yoga acknowledges the principle of pronoia a neologism coined by modernphilosophersexpressinganoldtruthItstatesthattheUniverseisconspiringinour highest good This is the polar opposite of paranoia which in essenceinvolvesthebeliefthattheUniverseisconspiringagainstus
Formostofhumanity thelatterconceptprevailsasanaccuratedescriptionof a world that is not at all supportive and comes after us loaded withjeopardizingintentionsYogarecognizesthisasfalseandmakesitclearthatthewholeprocessstartswithanideainourmindYogastatesldquoWecreatethemoldandthentheUniverseisinchargeoffillingituprdquo
Resolve(Sankalpa)
ThetranslationofthewordsankalpaisldquoresolverdquoorldquoresolutionrdquoItreferstotheapplicationofwillpowerthroughaconsciousdecision-makingprocessIttakestheformofashortmentalstatementwhichisimprintedbyrepetitiononthesubconsciousmindSankalpainfluencesthewaythingsaretohappenwithdeterminationandintention
Thestatementrepresentsamoldthatoncecreatedallowsfor theprovidentialpowersoftheUniversetohelpmanifestationoccurRememberyouaretheonlyoneactuallycapableofmakingyourownmoldThewordsankalpareferstoboththenameofthetechniqueaswellasthecontentofthestatementitself
1 Thinkoftheperfectwayinwhichyouwantanintentiontomanifestandthenstateitinasuccinctphrasethat
isexpressedinpresenttense
avoidsusingthewordldquonordquoortermsthatexpressnegativeconceptsForexampleldquoIwillnotbesinglerdquoshouldbereplacedwithldquoIammarriedrdquo
2 SitcomfortablywithyourhandsonyourkneesBreathenormallyacknowledginganyoutsidethoughtthatarisesandletitgoInhalethenontheexhalesayyourstatementtoyourselfbeingfullypresentwitheachindividualwordofthestatement(Youmaypauseaftereachword)
3 TakeadeepbreathandmovetothenextrepetitionWithyoureyesclosedcontinuerepeatingyourstatementThenbreatheinandoutoncewithoutrepeatingthestatementWhendoneopenyoureyes
Suggestednumberofrepetitions3times
TheconceptthistechniquereferstoisinthecoreoftheoldsayingldquoAskandyeshallbegivenrdquotowhichIrsquodliketoaddldquoifitisintheorderofthingsrdquoWhy
ManypeopleaskforthingsthatarenotwithintheUniversalorderandthenblamethesystemratherthanacknowledgingthattheirignoranceoftheorderistherealreasonthingsdidnotmanifestByldquotheorderrdquoImeanthesystematicandpreciseway inwhich thingswork in theUniverseand that is reflected insuchtruthsasldquoNothing ispermanentrdquoAll thingsend regardlessofwhetherwearethinking of a vase a day or a thought Without this acknowledgment whenasking for something to remain themechanism sparked by sankalpa will notworkandtheUniversewillnotsupportourpetitionIfIrsquomfifty-fourIcanaskforldquoyouthfulfiftiesrdquobutIcanrsquotasktobefifteenagainmdashitsimplywonrsquothappen
Byclearlyidentifyingwhattoaskforandhowtophraseitweengageinasimplewayofjump-startingtheprocessofmanifestationEventhoughmostofushavewantsitissurprisinglyhardforpeopletoactuallyexpresstheirwishesinanexactwayInmyyearsofusingResolveIhavehadtoworkdiligentlytohelp individuals identifywhat theywantbyspendinghourssorting throughallkindsofmisunderstandingsoldprogrammingandstalebeliefs
Prior to identifyingwhat wewant we usually namewhat we donrsquot wantwhat we fear why we should not want it and so forth This means that ourmindsareabsolutelyfullofalltheseotherconsiderationsandinthemeantimetheUniverseisbusyfillingupthecorrespondingmoldsasitcompetentlydoes
Thisiswhywemanifestwhatwefearandthisisalsohowwemanifestwhatwe donrsquotwantAs youmight know ldquoYou can never get enough ofwhat youreallydonrsquotwantrdquoIfyourmentalprogrammingmdashandcreatedmoldmdashisldquoIrsquomnotgoingtoget that jobrdquoorldquoIrsquodlovetoget that jobbut therearesomanyotherswho are better preparedrdquo then the Universe will accommodate you with anopportunity of losing that job It might seem like an extremely minusculesemanticdeviationbuttheconsequencesresultingfromsuchmisunderstandingsare also extremely clear (See the sidebar that follows ldquoAiding the PracticeThroughJournalingrdquoforaneffectiveapproachtonamingwhatwewant)
TosayldquoIamnotunhappyrdquoisverydifferentfromsayingldquoIamhappyrdquoandbelieveme theUniverse is listeningpreciselyTounderstandwhyprecision isimportantletmesharewithyouanoldstoryfromIndia
AidingthePracticeThroughJournaling
As a simple exercise think about what you want and write yourstatementdescribingitthencontinuetowritedowneachmodificationof the statement as you develop it Make no judgments write no
ldquoshouldsrdquomdashjust write what comes up You will probably see apathway amental roadmap that you have been following thatwillrevealyourmisconceptionsKeepinmindthatwhenyouarriveattheldquorightrdquo statement a subtle ldquoeye-smilerdquo appears a slightwidening ofyour forehead accompanied by a sense of ldquoEurekaThis is itrdquoThatfeelingisclearlyidentifiablenoquestionsaskednodoubtsaboutitmdashit is resonating inside of you as accurate Until that ahamoment ofrecognitionkeepworkingonyourauthenticexpressionyourpersonalResolve Know that you are actually working on your innermostwishesandthatyouareultimatelydeterminingyourfuture
After you have come up with your statement and you arepracticingrepeatingitIsuggestyoualsojournaltheinternalresponsesandconsiderationsyourmindcomesupwithItisnormaltolistentotheinternalvoicechallengingyourstatementswithphrasesthatdenotethe adverse reality the one you are trying to modify Since themanifestation process is happening regardless if the statement is ldquoIhaveapartnerrdquo and themindcomesupwith ldquoYouare lyingnoonewouldloveyourdquotheideamoldreadytobefilledupisthelatterYoumaydiscoverthatwhatrsquoswrittenactuallyrevealsyourpresentmentalprogrammingthatyouarereallynotworthloving
Byattendingtoyourbodycalmingyourmindandexploring thenatureofyourdesiresonadeeperlevelyouarenowtrulyreadytogowithin to practiceBreathMeditation and leave everything up to theUniverse
AcouplebothagesixtyandstillmarriedafterfortyyearsfindagenielampWhentheyrubitthegenieappearsandcomestolifeThegeniespeaksldquoLadyyourwishesshallbegrantedWhatwouldyoulikerdquo
ldquoIwantenoughmoneytogoaroundtheworldtwicewithmyhusbandrdquothewoman responds In an instant the geniemanifests a briefcase full of enoughmoneyforthebothofthemtogoaroundtheworldtwice
ThegeniethenturnstothegentlemanandsaysldquoSiryourwishestooshallbegrantedWhatwouldyoulikerdquo
ldquoIrsquod like to have a wife thirty years younger than merdquo replies theopportunistThegeniethenrespondsbyturningthemanintoaninety-year-old
Thelessonofthisstoryistobeveryclearandprecisewhenaskingforwhatyou want otherwise you may end up getting what you really donrsquot want
Resolve is the mechanism that kick-starts the process of manifestationThoughtfully identifying and defining an idea can and will act as a guidingprinciple a lighthouse in the darkness of your emotional storm Then youractionsthoughtsandspeechcanaimintheproperdirectionandstartbringingtofruitionwhatuntilnowhaslivedonlywithintherealmofyourwishes
OpeningtoSpiritThismeditationtechniquecanbeseenasthesimplestofallbreathingexercisesthebasisofallourworkBesidesthespiritualbenefitsandeffectsstayingwithyourownbreathisapowerfulwayofbeingpresentandindeepconnectionwithyourlifenotdrawninbythepastorcontemplatingthefuture
BreathMeditation
1 Sitinacomfortablepositionwiththespinestraightandthehandsrestingonyourkneeswiththepalmsfacingupward
2 Staystill
3 BringawarenesstoyourbreathFeeltheairgoinginandoutsoftlythroughyournostrils
4 Remainpresentforeachinhalationandeachexhalation
5 AstheminddriftsoffbringitbacktoyourbreathAsifyouareplacingpaperboatsonastreamofwaterplacethedistractingthoughtsintheoutgoingstreamoftheexhalation
6 Remainconcentratedonyourbreathandonlyonyourbreathexhalingeachdistractingthought
Suggestedtime5to10minutes
AlthoughitisanextremelysimpletechniquetheexecutioncanprovetobequitedifficultYourabilitytoremainconcentratedonthebreathispermanentlychallengedbyyourveryactivebodyandunstoppablemindYoucanstartfullofintentionandfindyourselfoutonalimbafteronlyafewbreathcycles
Fortunatelyyourbreathisconstantandyourneedtotakethenextin-breathisunavoidablesobringingthemindbacktothebreathisrelativelysimpleKeepcomingbacktothebreathwithtimeyoursquollseethatyourdeparturesarescarcerandthatasyoustaywithyourbreathacertainsenseofcalmnessandfulfillmentappears
You are now developing the skill to stay present with yourself to keepyourself company and bring ease when feeling abandoned Irsquove stated beforethat when grieving you should focus first on the Spirit because the body is
profoundlyengagedin its reactionandthemindisshatteredandscatteredForthis reason meditation and its ability to help you connect with your Spiritbecome a key element of the practice Thoughmeditation can be challengingwhenyouareexperiencingacutegriefitisanactivitythatwillgentlyleadyoutothesourceofknowledgeyouintendtotapinto
Now that you have read how to perform each practice and understandgenerallyhowthetechniquesservetoallaysomeofthesymptomsofgriefyouprobablywant to get started and figure out how to incorporate these practicesinto your life There are some important questions to ponder as you start tointegratesomeoftheseexercisesintoapersonalpractice
The next chapter considers what exercises you should include howmuchtime you should spend practicingwhether you should practice by yourself orseek help how long you should practice and other practical detailsWhetheryouareanexperiencedyogapractitionerorjuststartingoutwhetheryouhavejust begun to cope with some of your grief symptoms or at the end of theprocess the next chapter will help you to integrate the techniques into yourpersonalpractice
Chapter5
DesigningtheLogisticalAspectsofYourPractice
There is a famous quote usually attributed to the great German philosopherJohannWolfgangvonGoethe(1749ndash1832)
ldquoUntil one is committed there is hesitancy the chance to draw backConcerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementarytruth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plansthatthemomentonedefinitelycommitsoneselfthenProvidencemovestooAllsortsofthingsoccurtohelponethatwouldneverotherwisehaveoccurredAwhole streamofevents issues from thedecision raising inonersquosfavorallmannerofunforeseenincidentsandmeetingsandmaterialassistancewhichnomancouldhavedreamedwouldhavecomehiswayWhatever you cando or dreamyou cando begin it Boldness hasgeniuspowerandmagicinitrdquo(emphasisadded)
What a beautiful way of presenting the universal principle of pronoia Itexplains the mechanism of manifestation and emphasizes a key aspect tocommit towhatwewantThe resultingactionsactuallyhelp thebrain reshapeitselfthisisneuroplasticityatitsbestThroughthefruitsofourcommitmentwecanestablishnewneuronalconnectionsthatwill leadusnottowherewethinkweshouldbeorwherewedonrsquotdesiretobebutwherewetrulywanttobe
As you now ponder how to implement the techniques I shared in theprevious chapter and embark on your personal practice I ldquore-mindrdquo you thatyourcommitmentisessentialByacceptingyourlimitationsandneedsyouareactually making your commitment feasible Be realistic commit to what youcananddoit
SettingtheIntentionTherearetwophilosophicalconceptsfoundinTheYogaSutrasofPatanjalithatcanbetranslatedasldquopracticerdquoThefirstoneabhyasareferstoamoregeneral
all-encompassing method of practice that involves lifestyle choices thoughtsspeech and actions Abhyasa brings us greater tranquility or peace of mindSadhana thesecondconceptcanalsobedefinedaspracticebut itpertainstothe actual techniques or exercises that are performed on a regular basis toachieve an overall enhancement ofwell-being Taken together these conceptscanhelpusunderstandwhatitmeanstotrulypracticeyoga
As you begin to apply the traditionalmovements breathing exercises andcleansingtechniquessettingasideanhourahalfhourorwhatevertimeyoucandedicatetoestablishingaregularpracticeyoumayrealizethateachbreathcanbe an opportunity for transformation My hope is that as you integrate thesetechniquesintoyourdailylifeyourlifeitselfbecomesthepractice
ShouldYouPracticeAloneorUnderGuidanceJustasyouareasolitarybeinginthemidstofacrowdedcitystreetpracticeispersonalregardlessofhowmanymorearepracticingwithyouInancienttimespracticing yoga based on a book like the one you are reading without livecontactwithateachermasterorguruwasunthinkableEventhoughyogawascommonlypasseddownwithinthecontextofthefamilyfromonegenerationtothe next there is an essential trinity thought to lead to a successful spiritualjourney It includes the individual (you)GodorSpirit and thegurumdashtheonewholeadsthewayafterhavingwalkedithimselfmanytimesbefore
IntodayrsquosworldpeoplemaypracticethroughtheguidanceofabookorbyfollowinginstructionsprovidedonaDVDorahow-tovideoontheInternetItisan essential principle inyoga therapy that the interactionwith a therapistwhocanmonitorthestudentrsquospracticeisanimportantaspectaddingstrengthtothetechniquesandensuringsafetyfortheYogapractitioner
Grief is so powerful that in working with the dynamics activated by theYoga techniques itwould be advisable to seek out a qualified professional atfirst By ldquoqualifiedrdquo I mean either a yoga therapist well versed in griefcounselingoragriefcounseloror therapistknowledgeableaboutyogaand itsuseinthetherapeuticprocessBecauseyogahasbeenembracedbyanumberofprofessionals in recent years other therapists such as social workers hospicenurseschaplainsandotherswhoworkwithgrief-related issuescanbe trustedsources for guiding you through this work Even a financial adviser whounderstandsaboutthephysicalsymptomsofgriefandhowtoaddressthemcanmean the difference between wealth and poverty when for example dealingwithfinancesafteradivorceSuchatherapistmdashwhileencouragingastudentto
practiceathomeencounteringtheldquoteacherwithinrdquomdashwouldalsohelphimorhernavigatethedifficultemotionsencounteredinthegrievingprocess
Yoga practice can be a very subjective experience often having differentresults indifferentsettingsShouldyoudecidetodothepracticeonyourownwithoutprofessionalguidanceremembertobesensitiveandrespectfulofyourneedsandabilitiesMonitor theeffectsof the techniques soyoucanuse themappropriately when needed Tune into the results charting them as a validindicatorofthedevelopmentofyourprocess
IsItBettertoPracticeIndividuallyorinaGroupWhile all yoga is therapeutic yoga therapy thrives on personal individualizedpracticeespeciallyat thebeginningstagesof the therapeuticprocessWorkingwith a qualified therapist familiar with integrating yoga as part of his or hertoolbox is wholeheartedly advised Either in a group setting provided such agroupisavailableinyourcommunityorprivatelychoosewhicheverbettersuitsyourneeds
Workingindividuallyprovidesfocusedattentiontotreatmentoffersinputonadapting your practice to meet specific needs and avoids interference fromothersinaclassOntheotherhandpracticinginagroupallowsyoutowitnessotherbereavedindividualsgrieveinwaysthatmaybebothprofoundlydifferentandstrikinglysimilartoyoursCombatingthetendencytoisolatethisaspectofsocialization can help normalize your relationship to your own grief whileofferingasupportnetwork
InmyYoga forGrief Relief groups all three aspects commonly found intraditional grief support groups are included education support and socialnetworking Education serves the purpose of normalizing grief by sharinggeneralinformationregardingthegrievingprocessWealsolookathowgriefisaddressed in different cultures and time periods Support is establishedwithinthe environment the group provides It encourages authentic communicationregardingourgriefandserves tomodelhealthy interactions tobereplicated inthe outside world The social networking aspect encourages positive personalinteractions that increasewell-being for those of us listening aswell as thosesharingWhenoneisfeelingdepletedandwithoutmuchtogivelendinganeartothoseexpressingtheirgriefcanbeanempoweringexperience
IsItSafetoDoThisPracticebyYourself
MostofthetechniquescanbepracticedsafelyonyourownprovidedyoureadthesectionsdedicatedtocontraindicationsPleaseidentifyanypresentconditionthat may require caution when you practice the exercises This makes atremendousdifferencebetweenan exercisebenefitingyouorbeingharmful toyou
ThatsaidtheWindmillistheoneexerciseforwhichdiscretionmustbeusedwhen practicing alone TheWindmill is a key technique of the program andalthough the slow version is safe for most individuals the semifast and fastversions of the Windmill quickly access deeply held emotions and buriedphysical feelings I suggest that a competent professional trained in thisworkshould monitor both the practice itself as well as the outcomes If you areworkingwithayoga-savvycounselor thenyour therapyprovidesanoutlet forsharing your experience after practicing at home The Windmill is the mostactiveexerciseandtheonebestabletobringstrongfeelingstothesurfaceTheemotionselicitedduringthegrievingprocessare therawmaterialsyouusefortransformation
Someofyoumighthaveanexistingpersonalyogapracticeandwanttoaddsome of my recommended techniques to your routine Although this cancertainlybeeffectivekeepinmindthatthetruestbenefitsofthisprogramoccurwhenpracticedsequentiallyinitsentiretyByexperiencingtheroutinefullyyoucantheneffectivelyassesswhattoaddtoyourpracticeandwhyIfyouchoosetoembarkonasolopractice thenyouneed toconsidersomeof thefollowingimportantlogisticaldetails
WhichExercisesAreBestforMeWhethertoperformtheentirepracticeorpartsofitdependsonwhatyouwouldlike to accomplish howmuch time you have and howmuch knowledge youpossess of yoga and of yourself The entire practice can be accomplished inninety minutes and is inherently balanced covering issues that most grievingindividualsneed
CompleteBreathingpreparesyourmindandbodyfor themagnitudeof thegrievingprocesstheEnergyFlowSeriescreatestheconditionsforhealinganddrawsyourawarenesswithintheWindmillbringsfeelingsandsensationstothesurface sparking the process of transforming your grief into a source of self-knowledge Attitude of Discharging offers an outlet for the raw availableemotions Concentrated Gazing promotes mental focus to restore the normalcircadian rhythms while Alternate-Nostril Breathing offers breath control to
effectivelybringbalanceandcalmtoyourmindTheSelf-RelaxationTechniquehelps decrease the stressful effects of grief allowing optimal conditions forreprogramming your mind through Resolve which uses the newly acquiredknowledgetobegintoconstructanewidentityFinallyyouarereadytositstillinmeditationtodeepentheconnectionwithyourSpirit
Practicing the entire sequence offers you the exponential effect of thecombinedbenefitsofthetechniquesYetyoumaybebetteroffpracticingonlycertainpartsasyoubegintofamiliarizeyourselfwiththeworkMakesureyoucheckwithyourphysicianbeforeengaginginpracticekeepinmindthatyogatherapyisnotasubstituteformedicalattention
Becomingfamiliarwitheachtechniqueanditseffectsonyougivesyoutheconfidence to choose which one works for what is troubling you Again Ireiterateyourmindisbestaddressedthroughbreathworkyourbodyishelpedmost by physical postures and your Spirit thrives with meditation YogatechniquesinfluenceallthreeaspectsofyourbeingYoucanchoosefromeachrealm and come up with a combination that best suits your personal journeyTrustyourinstinctandinnerwisdomtoguideyou
WhereShouldIPracticeWhile it is true thatyogaisbestpracticedinacleanandcalmenvironmentatleast twohoursafteryour lastmealwearingcomfortableclothes far from thechaosoftheworldforatleastninetyminutestheseperfectconditionsarerarelymetThemaincriteria forunderstandinghow toengage in thepractice shouldalways be ldquotomeet yourself exactlywhere you arerdquoYou can then figure outwhichexercisestopracticewheretosituateyourselfwhentopracticeandhowmuchtimeyoucansetasidetopractice
Ifyoudonrsquothavea roomdedicated forpractice thenmovesomefurniturearound tocreatea suitablespaceandbring inanyobjectsor images thathelpyouconnectwithyourintentionThisprocessexemplifieslocatinganewspaceinsideofyourselfSometimeswhenwefeelldquoallovertheplacerdquoinourmindjustcleaning and reorganizing our house starts to positively affect our emotionalintegrationOrderingourimmediatesurroundingsoftenhelpstocalmdowntheinternaldisarrayCandles incense soothingmusic and low lightmayprovideyou with supportive harmonizing associations to make your practice moremeaningful
BeflexibleregardingwhereyoupracticeallowingforvariationsaccordingtoyourlifersquoscircumstancesForexampleifyouareinterviewingforajobthat
couldeasepressingeconomicneedsthenpracticesomecalmingbreathworkinthewaitingroomIfyoufindyourselfstrugglingwithroadragepulloverstopthecarandpracticeLeft-NostrilBreathingThengetbackontheroadwhenyouarecalmandhavelostsightofthatannoyingtailgatermdashyoudonrsquotwanttolosecontrolandcauseyourselfmoregrief
SometimesitisgoodtoenhanceyourpracticebybeingoutdoorsconnectingwithnatureandbringinginasenseofexpansionConverselyifdoingthisseemstoo vulnerably open and distracting and lacks the intimacy you need thenpracticewhereyoucanmoreeasilyaccomplishtheresultsyouareafter
WhenShouldIPracticeStarting thedaywith an extendedpractice deliciouslydedicated tooneself isnotaluxuryweallhaveFeelfreetodowhatyoucaninthemorningthenaddorrepeatsomethinginthemiddleofthedayandthenpracticebeforegoingtobed
TheEnergyFlowSeriesisagreatwaytobothstartandendthedayInthemorning it feels energizing and at night calming preparing you for a goodnightrsquos sleep TheWindmill practicewill elevate the general tone of your lifeforceenergyinthemorningTheAttitudeofDischargingexercisewillhelpyoudischargesomeof theextra tensionaccumulatedduring theday ifdone in thelateafternoonAlternate-NostrilBreathingisagreatmiddaypracticethatbringsbalance to your wildly fluctuating emotions Concentrated Gazing worksefficientlytoputyoutosleepatnightand ifusedinthemorning itresetstheendocrine systemdecreasingmoodswings (Thismaybeespecially importantfor women during bereavement to stabilize and reestablish balance in theirendocrine system and counteract the common disturbances grief imposes ontheir normal menstrual cycle) Choosing the right time to practice helps youadjusttoyournewenvironmentmoreskillfullyandhelpstoprepareyouforthemultitudeofchangesandnewconditionsinyourlifeFromyourfirstin-breathwhen you are born to your last out-breath at the moment of death the timeelapsedisallyoursThedecisionsyoumakeregardinghowtospendthat timeare also yours Use your practice time wisely so it reflects your sense ofownershipofyourtimeandyourrespectforit
ForHowLongShouldIPracticeFinallyintermsofhowlongtopracticeeachtechniqueorhowlongyouroverall
practice should be letme just say this something is better than nothingOursystemsreacttoallwedoandallwethinksodowhatyoucanItistruethatforbestresultsAlternate-NostrilBreathingshouldbepracticedfornolessthanfiveminutes yet a minute alone would also do some work A minimum of threerepetitionsisbetterwhenpracticingtheEnergyFlowSeriesbutonerepetitionalsohasbenefitsWhatisoptimalistousewhatevertimeyoumighthavejustkeepinmindthatthemoreyoupracticethedeepertheeffectswillbe
AnexceptionshouldbemadewithSingle-NostrilBreathingPracticing formore thanfiveminutescanrenderstrongereffects thanyoumaydesireWhenpracticing Left-Nostril Breathing for example you want to feel calmer notdepletedItisokaytopracticeformorethanfiveminutesifneededjustmakesureyoubreakitdownwithaminuteortwoofAlternate-NostrilBreathing
Thesadhanapracticemdashinitsentiretyandfollowingtheguidelinesproposedfor each technique in chapter 4mdashshould take approximately ninety minutesPleaserememberthataccordingtothevariationsandmodificationsyouneedtomakeyourpracticetimewillvarySupplementarytechniquessuchasjournalingandothersofferedinchapter6willalsoalteryourpersonalpracticetime
BecomingfamiliarwiththetechniqueswillallowyoutoknowmoreeasilywhattocalluponandwhenWithregularpracticetheeffectsofthetechniqueswillcomealiveinyouandwillevenhelpyouchoosewhattopracticeandwhenBe sensitive to the daily fluctuations in your actual ability to engage in thetechniquesIfyouspentahalfhourdoingpawanmuktasanayesterdayandyourmusclesaresoretodayreducethetimeandintensityoftheexercisetowhatyoucantolerate
YourPracticeChangesasYouDoPleasebeopentothefactthatyouareundergoingconstantchangeandthereforeyour practice must shift as well to reflect your new needs and abilities Thegrieving process and the tasks ofmourning are not linear your grief changesyourpracticeandyourpracticechangesyourgriefThere iswisdom in lettingyour practice reflect your state of being and adapting it accordingly Thewayyou practice is theway you livewhat you practice now shapes your lifeBemindful of addressing your practicewith the same grace and dignity that youwantforyourself
Perhapsitisaccuratetosaythatyoudidnotsignupforbeingwhereyouarenow andyet hereyouarePractice jump-starts theprocessof transformationSeeyourselffunctioningasthebestoperatorofthesetoolsbyaskingwhatyou
want toaccomplish listening toyourvoicehearingyourbodyrsquosexpressionofits innate wisdom and sensing what you need to do for yourself todaymdashdosomethingtocommittowhatyouwant
Chapter6
TheProcessofTransformation
LynPrashant the founderof IntegrativeGriefTherapy states thatldquowedonrsquotgetoverourlosseswechangerelationshiptothemrdquoAndsheaddsthatldquogriefisour most available untapped emotional resource for personal transformationrdquo(2005)Iwholeheartedlyagreewithher
WhilehonoringourpersonallossesandmourningtherelationshipthatoncewasthetransformationthatwearetalkingaboutinessenceisourownAswebegin to witness the appearance of our new self we slowly recognize thecumulativeeffectsofourdeeptransformativeworkWearenowactuallylookingatourselvesandtheworldaroundusfromanewperspective
This book demonstrates the inner workings of the grieving process IprovidedthespecifictechniquesforthepracticeofstayingpresentandthereforeavailabletotransformyourgriefandencounteritsstrongemotionsthatfiercelychallengeyouThetoolsarenowatyourfingertipswithfocusedawarenessyoumay methodically turn some of the seminal questions yoursquove been askingyourselfintoconcreteactions
ThroughdealingwiththesufferingthatisinherentduringthegriefjourneywehaveanopportunitytouncoverourowntruenatureGriefworkisultimatelyaboutchallengingyourassumptionsaboutlifeldquoWhoamIwithoutherWheredoIgoafterlosingmyhomeWhoamInowthatIrsquovebeenfiredfrommyjobWhatdoesitmeanthatIrsquomstillherenowandheisgonerdquo
In themidst of sorrow the blossoming of a new identitymaymeanmanydifferentthingstoyouOnceyouarenolongergrippedbytheoldattachmentsyoubecome free to explore thedeepestpartsofyourselfAsyouaskyourselfwhatyoudoanddonotneedgriefbecomestheuncannygatewaytohelpgainthetrueknowledgeofself
FindingaNewIdentityAfterLossIdentityconsistsmainlyofourperceptionsofourselvesbasedonthepeopleandthingsweareattachedtoWhenwelosethemwelosepartofwhoweareAndyetlifecontinuesRememberthefeelingsuponwakingupintheimmediatedaysandweeks following a profoundly huge loss The bodymoving in a robotic
way fighting against the lethargy of a tiredmind eyes barely open two feetwalkingtothebathroomoutofnecessity
ThinkofthebodythemastersurvivormaintaininglifewiththeaudacitytocontinuedoingwhatitdoesDespiteourdespairdespiteourdoubtstheamazingintelligence of our body is a powerful testament to the continuation of ourexistence
Imagineakitchenwhereyoursquovecookedforthepasttwentyyearsonewithno ventilation just tiny windows and a stove with slow inefficient electricburners One day the kitchen burns to the ground Because you are hungrybecauseyourbodyneeds fuelyouneed tocontinuecookingPerhapsyoucanimproviseandcookmealstemporarilyinthelivingroomormanageforawhileonanoutdoorgrillbuttheneedforanindoorkitchenispainfullyapparentsoyoumustrebuildit
IsthenewkitchengoingtohaveventilationornotBigorsmallwindowsSlowelectricburnersorquickandefficientgasburnersInordertodefinethesedetailsyouneedtoquestionyourrealneedsanddesireslikesanddislikes
After all you have cooked in that kitchen for years and are familiar withevery detail every nook and cranny The memories of that kitchen may beoverwhelmingly powerful to you but now it is time to start imagining a newmoremodernversionthatwillserveyournewneeds
Needsshift frombasic survival instincts to thoseofa fullermorespiritualvisionofourlifeInterestinglymanyofuswillgravitatetothefamiliardesignoftheoldkitchenButgiventimeforreflectionnewideasandimageswillstarttoemerge thathelpuscomecloser towhowereallyareandwhowewant tobecome
ManyofusidentifywhowearethroughourhomesSometimesthehomeisthought of as an extension of our physical bodies something important toconsider when working with grief Identity is formed through what the bodylearnsfromitsenvironmentThefollowingtwoexamplesillustratethat
Sinceathree-year-oldcannotbuyacarrentahomeorfindajobthechildmustrelyentirelyonanadultcaregiver In thiscase thefatherconstantlyputsdownthethree-year-oldwhenheperformswellButcomplyingwithhisfatherrsquosexpectations can be the difference between life and death Consequently thechildlearnseithertobecomeanunderachieverortohidehisachievementssoasnottoupsethisfather
The survival mechanism that informs the mind is deeply rooted in thewisdomof the bodymaintaining life at all costs Putting our fingers in a live
electricsocketoncegivesthebodyenoughinformationtoavoidgettingshockedagain The body has excellent cellular memory and keeps that survivalmechanism alive Even years later while fixing a malfunctioning socket andknowingthepowerisoffyourbodystillalertsyouinternallywithcautionsignswarningofdanger
When defining ourselves after loss it is very common to repeat oldmechanisms perform the same learned behaviors and chant the same innermonologuebecausethatishowwelearnedtosurviveRepeatingthesebehaviorsgrants us renewed suffering simply because our actions are antiquated and nolongermatchourpresentreality
Wemust revisit the situationwith new eyes identifying our present needsandusingournewlyacquiredskillsmdashtheoneslackingduringtheearlyformativeyears Although old habits are difficult to change respecting their power canactually be life affirmingWecan see them in action and recognize themas asign of the amazing intelligence of our bodiesWitnessing our broken heartrsquosstruggletocopewiththepainoflossandmanagetheaccompanyingsymptomsofconfusionanddisorganizedthinkingisquiteremarkable
Isnrsquot it a superbly opportune time to reimagine a new designwhenwe nolongerhavetheoldkitchenandyetourneedforthefoodthatrsquoscookedinitisasrealasthefirethatconsumeditThisistheopportunityhiddeninthegriefweexperienceThisisthetransformativejourneyIrsquomtalkingabouttheprocessthatcan take us from the void of devastation after loss to the fullness of aconsciouslylivedlife
HowCantheTransformationBeAccomplishedMy opinion is that the journey of discovery is threefold Addressing thesymptoms of our grief constitutes the first step The second involves fullytransitingthegrievingprocessandachievinghealthyresolutionwithitThethirdentails reidentification based on our most intimate spiritual self Having beenstrippedofourpreviousidentitylayingbaretherealcoreofwhowearewearenowinvitedtoapproachthedeepestpartsofourselves
These three portions of the process of transformation are linked but notlinear simultaneously our awareness can shift aswe sense some relief of ourimmediatesymptomsItisimportanttorememberingriefworkthatanyspecificactions taken towardaccomplishing resolutioncanbe repeatedand revisitedatanypointwithrenewedmeaning
The information you need comes as a result of your work and efforts tounderstandandrelatetotheexperienceathandThisprocessinvolvesobservingyour motivations behaviors and feelings This book and the techniquesproposedaredesignedtosupportyouintheprocessoftransformingyourgriefofferingpracticeasthefoundationfortheworkUsingthetoolsyoulearnedinchapter4youcanreapthebenefitsyouareafterNowletrsquostakealookathoweachpartoftheprocessoftransformationworks
TheFirstPartAddressingtheSymptoms
HowdoesaddressingyoursymptomshelptransformgriefImagineyourselfperchedon a rolling hillwaiting to take in a beautiful sunsetwith somedearfriendswhenallofasuddenyouareafflictedwithaterribletoothacheEvenifyou are surroundedby love and support in the presentmoment all you reallywantistostopthepainyouneedadentist
Itisquiteremarkablehowenticedbythepresumptionofthepermanenceofthebodyrsquosvigorandendurancewetakeourownhealthforgranted
Abalancedbodyenhancesyourability to transformgriefWhen the rug ispulledout fromunderneathyoushakingyour foundationand threateningyourstability you can enter into a conversation with the body that will ultimatelyformthebasisofyournewidentityToregainpresencefortheprocessyoumustaddressthedifferentsymptomsparticularlythephysicalones
TheexercisescontainedintheprogramcanhelptakecareofthefirstpartoftheprocessbybringingthesymptomstoalevelofrelativecontrolBypracticingbreathworkyoubecomemorepresentandawareandcanhelp reestablish thenormalrhythmsofthebodyfindingwaysofcontrollingyourmentalstatesandultimatelyyournewreality
PracticingtheEnergyFlowSeriesassuresthepropercirculationoflifeforceavoidingblockagesandfacilitatingfreemovementofconsciousnesswithinbodyandmindThedifferentasanashelpgetridofthetoxicchemicalbyproductsofpain and activate parts of the body where emotional issues tend to promotetensionandstiffnessThespecificactionsperformedintheWindmillbringyourfeelingsto thesurfaceofyourawarenessallowingyoutowitnessandidentifythem and ultimately to better understand how grief manifests in the bodyAttitudeofDischargingofferstheincreasedchargeoffeelingsandsensationsofgriefawayoutConcentratedGazingpromotesbalanceandbettersleep
TheSelf-RelaxationTechniquehelpscombatthestressfuleffectsofgriefanddiminishesgeneraltensioninthebodyguidingyouhometoyournormalsleepcycle Resolve resets the mind so the body can manifest your deepest innerwisheswhileBreathMeditationoffersthecalmstillnessofbodyandmindthatallowstheSpirittoemergemoreclearly
AllpartsoftheYogaforGriefReliefsadhanapreparethebodyandthemindfortheunderstandingofSpiritwhichasIrsquovestatedbeforeisthetruesourceforthefacilitationofgrief
TheSecondPartFacilitatingGrief
Facilitating grief implies making the experience of bereavement moremanageable by following a roadmap such as the one proposed by JWilliamWordeninhisFourTasksofMourning(2009)Employingtheprinciplesofyogacan assist in accomplishing those Letrsquos take a look at some additionalguidelines
Give yourself permission to grieve Some people have a hard timeaccepting thatgrieving isappropriateThereasonsfor these thoughtsareoftenpreconceived ideas about what to expose to others or how much time isacceptable to grievePersonal difficulties such as the fear of beingdefinedbygrief the possibility of feelingworse or the chance youmight trigger othersrsquogriefoftenpreventindividualsfromgrieving
If you care for grieving individuals and provide support space andresourcesdoyoudothesameforyourselfWhenflyingonanairplaneyouaredirected to put your oxygen mask on first in case of an emergency beforehelpingothersItismuchthesameinthegrievingprocessmdashifyougiveyourselfthepermissiontogrievefirstyoucanthenhelpothers
ProvideyourselfwiththetimeyouneedtogrieveInthecorporateworldemployeesaretypicallygivena72-hourldquowindowrdquoinwhichtogrieveAlthoughthereisnoofficialtimesettocompleteourgrievingprocessourmindstendtodictatethatafteroneyearhaselapsedldquoIshouldbedonewithmygriefrdquoSocietalexpectations coupledwith thepressureweputonourselves to resumenormalliving promote the belief that things will be much better in a yearUnfortunately this unrealistic expectation is not only misleading it is alsocounterproductivetomaintainingasenseofhope
ForsomeofusthesecondyearofgriefisevenmoredifficultthanthefirstI
encourage tolerance in allowing the time needed for working well with thecomplex grief experience That permission alone is very important In thenormalcourseofbereavement as timegoesonourgrief frequentlyexpressesitselfasaSuddenTemporaryUpsurgeofGrief(STUGRando1993)sometimesrelatedtoandprovokedbycurrentlifesituationsothertimesshowingupoutoftheblueSTUGscanprovideuswithareflectionofwhereweareinrelationtoourowngriefHowfastweovercomeithowdeepourfeelingsarefeltandhowmuchourbodiesareinvolvedareallindicativeoftheskillswehavedevelopedofthenewpiecesofinformationwehaveunveiledaboutourselves
It is necessary to mention that a prolonged time of coping with thedisruptions of bereavement may be a marker for complicated grief thusrequiring specific interventions All factors need to be taken into account toproperlyassesshowandwhereweareintheverypersonaljourneyofgrief
PracticeactivelisteningwithyourselfHaveyoueverhad theexperienceofsomeonerepeatingbacktoyouwhattheyheardyousayWereyouwide-eyedto hear themessage repeated backDid it sound like your thinkingDid youwonderldquoDidIreallysaythatrdquoThiscommonoccurrencehappensinregularlifeas well as in therapeutic settings A technique called ldquoactive listeningrdquoconsisting of literally repeating a clientrsquos disclosure back to him or her isfrequentlyusedtohelpclientsreflectonthewaystheynametheirownreality
Consciouslyjournalingourthoughtsandexperiencesafteryogapracticeisagood way to allow the process of externalizing whatever comes to mindmdashunobstructed and uncensoredLook at your journal and repeat ldquoWhat I heardmyselfsayingthinkingfeelingishelliprdquoYourrealityislivedanddeterminedbyyouin thewayyou talkabout itandname itHowyoudosodetermineshowyoulive
Resolve is a powerful tool for kick-starting the process of correctingunconscious habits and old behaviors Another creative exercise uses freeassociationtoacquaintyouwithyourtrueselfbyrecordinganaudioversionoffeelingsemotionsandimpressionsListentotherecordingandwriteldquoWhatIheard myself saying ishelliprdquo Just hearing your own voice a more familiarexpression of your inner dialogue offering insights can evokemore powerfulresults
Accept differences in the way you grieve Trying to emulate a familialsocietalorculturalmoldmdashinotherwordsforcingyourselfintoapreconceivedformmdashmaynot serveyoubestGrief isan intimateaffair revealing thedeeperself absolutely unique to each particular individualYourway of grieving the
wayyou love the things you lovemdashthey all speak towhoyou are Find yourway honor it and do it your waymdasheven if it is very different from anyexpectationsyoumighthaveorothersmayimposeuponyou
Consider that your grief might change from one moment to another Youchange just as theworld around you changes andmost important the newlyidentified self feeds off of thisWelcome those changes they reflectwhoyoureally are You grieve each loss differently and you can even experience amultitudeofpolarizedsymptomswithonelossChangesinthewayyougrieveexpress modifications in your mind and indicate that things are in factreorganizing
Even if things get more difficult day in and day out since everythingchanges so toowill that Practice itself is an importantmonitor for assessingchange Identifying the different states of feeling and being aided by certainexercises or combinations thereof are part of the self-knowledge that griefunveils What changed What made the change How can I reach that stateagainThesearesomeofthequestionstoaskyourselfwhileviewingthemanyfacesofyourgrievingprocess
You must facilitate moving through your own griefmdashentirely gently andfirmlymdashinyourownuniquewayDrWordenrsquosfourtasksareapragmaticuser-friendlyreferenceguide toevaluate thecourseofyourgrievingprocessand tolocateyourselfwithinthatcontextNextIofferyousomesuggestionsofhowtouse yogarsquos knowledge and some of the techniques included in the sadhana tomakeyourfulfillmentofWordenrsquostasksappearlessdaunting
ACCOMPLISHINGACCEPTANCE
DrWordenrsquos four tasks presented in chapter 1 are clear and direct Findwaystoaccept theemotionalrealityof the loss(first task)process thepainofgrief(secondtask)adapttoanewrealitywithout thepresenceofthedeparted(thirdtask)andrelocatethelostpersonorobjectsoyoucanembarkonanewlife(fourthtask)
Theyogapracticeoutlinedinthisbookcanbeusedtosupportyourworkonthe tasks For instance remaining aware of the breath during CompleteBreathingandwitnessingwithoutjudgmentanyresistanceyouencountercanbeinstrumentalinleadingtoacceptingtherealityoftheloss
Beawareofdistractingbehaviorssuchasgettinglostinachainofthoughtsrushingtothecomputerorgrabbingthephonewhichservetoavoidfeelingthedepth of what is happening Tolerating the discomfort is a skillful way of
meetingtheunpleasantfeelingsoflossJournalingisoneofthemostwidelyusedformsforreflectiveretellingofthe
factsGoingoverthedetailsagainandrecallingtheeventsthathappenedisoneofthemosteffectivemethodsforgainingacceptanceoflossWhenjournalingthe way youwrite about your reality is a reflection of the way you speak toyourselfaboutitWhenyourelatethefactsinyourjournalalsomakesureyouwrite about your feelingsmdashit is of the essence In order to do this you mustidentifyandexperiencethemandtodosoyoumustbepresent
PROCESSINGFEELINGS
InordertoproperlyprocessfeelingswemustfirstremainpresentforthemThisisoftenoneofthemostdifficultaspectsofgrievingbutitisalsooneofthemost importantWhat does itmean to remain present The actual practice ofbeingpresentvaries according towhich feelingyou focusonbecause feelingsassociatedwithgriefvarywidelyandcanbeofdifferentnatures
We often avoid our yoga practice or falter when the techniques elicit astrongerperceptionofthefeelingsResistanceisyetanothersignofthestruggleso identify your options for staying present Transiting your grief successfullyandestablishingwaystomoveoutoftheintensecenteroftheexperiencetoitsquieteredgesistheworkSincetheonlywayoutofthepainofgriefisthroughityoumustenterandexit theprocessskillfullyBecauseof itspassivenaturesadnessmdashthe most common feeling when grievingmdashallows us to actually sitwithitMostfindsadnessunpleasantandresistfeelingitsoweputupdefensestoeludeit
You can work on ldquositting with sadnessrdquo simply by staying seated inmeditation While meditating our minds tend to wander instead of focusingThat is true for our hearts aswellwe tend to flee from sadness toward otherfeelingssuchasanger
AngerisanactivefeelingandsittingwithitcanbeextremelyfrustratingItasksformentalandphysicalaction It isbestprocessedwhenthe targetof theangerisidentifiedandaneffectivemethodofexpressionisfoundAngerismetwithmanysocietaljudgmentsWearetaughtthatitisnotahealthyfeelingandthatitsexpressionmakesothersuncomfortableandonlyyieldsmoreangerItiscrucial to find an outlet for anger that does not conflict with what we haveaccepted as socially appropriate Instead of aggression I suggest consideringassertivenessasaneffectivealternativewayYoucanforcefullypushsomebodyawayfromyourdoorsteporyoucan lookstraight intohiseyespointingyour
finger at him while saying ldquoYou do not walk into my houserdquo Through thepracticeoftheAttitudeofDischargingangercanpurposefullybeexpressedintheintimacyofyourpersonalworkThistechniqueoffersmodesofexpressionfrom the more general involvement of the full body to the particular ldquoaaahrdquosound that promotes vocalizing the active nature of the feeling When notexpressed outwardly anger can turn inward resulting in self-destructivebehaviorssuchasrelapsingwithaddictionsSometimesangercanpresentitselfasanotherfeelingsuchasguilt
Because it isusually linked to irrational thoughtsguiltneeds tobereality-testedinrelationtothefactsAskyourselfifthereissomethingyoucouldhavedonedifferentlyorifanyactionstakencouldhaveindeedavoidedthelossThenyou should be able to recognize whether you did or did not have anyresponsibility for how things happened If you were indeed responsible thenwhat actionsmight help you to resolve the heavy burden of responsibility Iffeelings of guilt still persist what are they actually related toWhat can thelessonlearnedbe
The palette of possible feelings is vast and unique to each individual Allfeelingsarevalidmdashtheyaretheelementsthegrievingheartiscomposedofandneedtobeprocessedsowecangettoknowourselvesbetter
ADJUSTINGTOTHENEWREALITY
Discoveringhowtoadjusttoanewrealityvariesdistinctlyaccordingtothedetailsofour life situationandhowwe interpret themeaningof the lossThemorethelossthreatensourimmediatesurvivalthemoreimportantitbecomestoimplementbehaviorsforadjustment
For someone whose livelihood depended on who or what has been lostfindingwaystomakeendsmeetandfulfillonersquosmaterialobligationsbecomesofutmostimportanceAfterourinitialsurvival-basedneedsaremetotherneedsgain importance These often manifest as questions that reflect the newlybereaved personrsquos confusion or unfamiliarity with how to approach life afterlossldquoWhoamI ifnotamarriedmanWhoamInowthatIamunemployedWhycontinuetopraysincemypreviousprayerswerenotansweredrdquoByaskingyourselftheseandotherkeyquestionsyoulearnwhoyouhavebecomeandhowtolivemoreconsciouslywithoutthedeceasedAsyouembraceyournewrealitythe practice of Resolve is a solid ally imprinting new mental patterns andresettingoldonesNamingkeyresolutionssuchasldquoIpaymybillsontimerdquoorldquoIgotothegymeverydayrdquoiswhatkeepsthedirectionclear
Thesemental adjustments become effective coping tools for the long-termexperience of grief and bring immediate relief of present suffering Thedependenceon theold realitystarts to fadeawayThisoffersa freshdynamicoutlookthatenhancesindependenceandself-worthjustbykeepingaheightenedanddevotedfocusonthenewlyblossomingself
FACILITATINGEMOTIONALRELOCATIONOFTHEDECEASEDORLOSTOBJECT
Yogaaddressesthefundamentalmisapprehensionoffalseegoidentificationtaking the impermanent for permanent As you locate your place in the newrealitytherelationshiptowhoorwhatyouhavelostchangessignificantlyThisclarificationisessentialforhumblingthethreatenedegoInsteadofsubstitutingtheoldattachmentforanewoneseekanewplaceforyourselfinrelationshiptowhoorwhatyoulostYoucanchoosetofocusonwhoyouarenowwithoutthedepartedperson
BreathMeditationisidealforsupportingtheprocessofemotionalrelocationbecauseit requiresus tappingintoourcore issues theprofoundaspectsofouridentityForthisdeepandintimateworkourbreathmdashourlifeforcefuelingourworkmdashwillcontinuetoserveusuntilwetoodepartfromthislife
Your previous identity as effective anduseful as itwaswas linked to thepast responses andbehaviors relating to theworldrsquos challenges froma formernow-nonexistent timeThenewly forming self-identity is beingbasedonyourrevised inner world with more conscious thoughts positive images andappropriate needs that populate a healthier present The focus of yourembarkationismoresavoringandembracingtheactualinternaljourneyleadingyou home to your true self rather than the external aspects that previouslydefinedyourlife
DETACHEDATTACHMENTAHEALTHYMODELFORTHEFUTURE
After losing their son to an accident involving a drunk driver the Smithfamily started a nonprofit organization to raise funds to create a publicawarenesscampaignonthedangersofdrivingundertheinfluenceofalcohol
The organization offered an outlet for their emotions and created a publicforumforhonoringthelostchildinameaningfulwayThefamilyseemedtakenabackwhenI reminded themthat thenonprofit toowouldonedaycometoanend I explained that for example in the best-case scenario their campaignwould be 100 percent effective and no drunk driverswould exist so nomorefundswouldbeneeded
MyintentionwastomakethefamilyawareofthefinitenatureofallthingsincludingtheirorganizationEventhoughtheydidnotlikeanticipatingtheendtheywerecomfortedwhenIaskedthemtoconsiderthisnewpieceofawarenessasagiftfromtheirson
The ultimate intention of Wordenrsquos fourth task is to continue with thepreexistingbondand to findwaysofestablishinganenduringconnectionwithwhat wersquove lost Interestingly enough most existing models of grief therapypropose establishing new and healthier attachments as away to continuewithlife
IsuggestyouconsideranotherwaytolookatthisonemorecloselyrelatedtotheknowledgeofyogaIcallitdetachedattachmentaveryskillfultoolDoformattachmentsyetkeepfullawarenessofthefactthatwhatyouareattachedtowill inevitably disappear Factoring in the truth of the impermanence of allthingsyoucanestablishnewemotionalbondsthatempoweryoutolivefullyinthe moment with no promise of tomorrow Truly embodying this knowledgecouldeffectivelyfreeyoufromremaininginthepainfulcycleofattachmentAsall things eventually do attachment too must end Reassessing the value ofholding on to a belief that only brings suffering leads us to ask ldquoWhy notsubstitute it with a healthier more reasonable concept that might feel evenbetterrdquo
Thisapproachbridgesthepureandattimesunattainablemodelsoforthodoxyoga with the accommodating processes of Western psychology It offers ahappy medium for making new attachments which is an inherent need thathumanshaveBykeepingawide-openthirdeyeaccessingayogicawarenessofthe impermanence of all things you still allow for loving fully Loving inabsence aswell as in presence affords the opportunity of living fullywith theguidanceoftheyogicprinciplesforexistencereducingfuturesuffering
ThisisperhapsoneofthemostdifficultchallengeshumansreckonwithWeexhibit confusion either mistaking love for attachment or struggling to lovewithout itTheverycoreof the relocationprocesshouses theseedofournewbeing While relocating the deceased is the task we too are finding a newemotional address for ourselves Attributed to the universal integration of allexisting things balance equilibrates all systems simultaneously Performingritualsandengaginginactivitiestohonorthepersonorobjectwelostisintruthfor us The actual benefit gained is wholly for our healingwe can reclaim asenseofwell-beingwhilefacilitatingouradjustmentprocess
RevisitingtheexampleoftheSmithfamilyalthoughthesonmightneversee
thenonprofitorganizationtheyopenedinhisnametheorganizationhelpedthefamilytofindnewpurposeandanewidentity
TheThirdPartFindingtheNewIdentity
ThisiswherethetruegemlieswheretheblessingindisguiseisrevealedIamreferringtothedelightonefeelswhenfindingapotofgoldattheendoftherainbowItistheresultyouarelookingforwhenembarkingonaconsciousgriefjourneyYouopenaportaltoadeeperconnectionwiththeSpirittothespiritualrealm of your existence by integrating fresh information on how the bodyprocessesgriefwithhowthemindunderstandsit
WhenexploringthisnewconnectioneachpersondefinesandrelatestotheSpiritinhisorherownwayThequesttoknowtheSpiritisage-oldDespitethisbookrsquos many attempts to explain what Spirit is and because Spirit is anexperienceapracticemightbewortha lotmore thana thousandwordsLetrsquosuseyetagainanotherusefulpracticefromyoga
FINDINGSPIRITINTHEINNERSILENCE
IrsquovefoundthatpracticingthefirstpartofatechniquecalledantarmounaorldquoinnersilencerdquoisofmuchhelpwhenlookingforadeeperconnectionwiththeSpiritThetechniqueconsistsofsittinginacomfortablepositioninstillnessandwiththeeyesclosedThenhearallsoundsidentifyingloudonesfromsoftonesdistantones from those thatareclosebyknownones fromunknownoneshellipNow switch your awareness to your earsmdashthe outer ear its temperature itsshapetrytofeelthemiddleandeventheinnerearPerceiveyourearshellipNowswitchtheawarenesstoYouthewitnessofthesoundsmdashnotthesoundsnottheearsbutYouthewitnessofallsounds
Aftermasteringthetechniqueusingyourearsyoumaycontinuefocusingonyour feelings and then on your thoughts This technique offers a gradual pathtoward the innermost self it can be thought of as a system for disidentifyingwiththegrosserplanesofrealityTheselfweencounteristheoneweareafter
TheSpiritcanbecalledtheaspectofthebeingthatwitnesseslifethroughaphysicalbodyitisnotthephysicalbodynorthefactsoftheexperienceItistheobserverthatisnotalteredbywhatitobservesjustasamirrorisnotaffectedbytheitemsitreflects
SKILLFULQUESTIONING
Finding thenew identitycanbegreatlyhelpedbyusingoneof thegoldentoolsinyogaatmavicharaorself-inquiryTheessentialquestionoftheinquiryisldquoWhoamIrdquoTheanswercanonlybefoundwithinbyconnectingwiththewitnessbyaskingtheobserverwithinbygettingtoknowyourownSpirit
The question is intended to help you connect with the ldquosubjectrdquo of thisexistence or the ldquoIrdquoWe identify ourselves by the states we go through thethingswepossessandtheobjectswerelatetoAnswerssuchasldquoIamrichrdquoorldquoIamsadrdquoleadtoafalseidentification
Thekindofself-inquiryIrsquomindicating isbestconductedwhenworkingondiscarding the object-based identitymdashwhat I ammdashin order to discover thesubject-basedonewhoIamIt isaquestfor thetrueself inall thatwedo ineverythoughteveryspeecheveryaction
Thereasontoperformself-inquiryisthatwedonrsquotpurporttoknowwhoweareandgriefoffersusplentytodoubtTheskillfulquestioningisnotjustrelatedtowhatfamilyyoubelongtoorwhichcountryyouwereborninratheritseekstounmaskyouressentialidentityasanembodiedSpiritThatpartofyourselfasitrelatestoldquoIrdquoisnotidentifiedwiththephysical
Itconnectsyouwiththepureawarenessofwhoyouareratherthanwhatyouare aware of Bear in mind that the difference between object and subjectappearssubtletousandthatweareinherentlyconfusedaboutthesetworealmsOther clarifying questions are Who is feeling sad Who is experiencinganxietyWho is feeling lonely and fearfulMost grievers do not want to bedefinedbytheirgriefthistechniquehelpsconnectwiththeonewitnessingthesufferingnotthesufferingitself
COGNITIVEREFRAMING
VickiPanagotacos (2012292) agiftedAmericangrief therapist proposesfouressentialquestionstoguidetheprocessofenvisioninganewselfandanewlifebydefiningcertainparametersmostofusneedtodealwithIrsquovefoundthatherquestionsareskillful insupportingagrieverrsquospracticeofatmavicharaorself-inquiryThefourquestionsareasfollows
1 Whatdoyouwanttoincludeinyourlife
2 Whatdonrsquotyouwanttoincludeinyourlife
3 Whatdoyouhaveinyourlifethatyouwanttoeliminate
4 Whatdoyouhaveinyourlifethatyouwanttokeep
PanagotacosproposeswritingdowntheanswersoneeachonseparatepagesIn her therapy practice she dedicates a session to providing a final list to herclients including the answers to question 1 plus the ldquoconverted answersrdquo toquestions23and4(ForexampleldquoIdonrsquotwanttomoverdquoconvertstoldquoIwantto stay where I am livingrdquo [293]) I suggest you convert your answers toquestions23and4thenwriteadocumentwithyourfinallistThesearegreatquestionstoaskyourselftopromoteawarenessofyourpersonaljourneyandtofindyourselfinyournewlifeplans
According toKarenWhitleyBellwhowroteLiving at theEnd of LifeAHospiceNurseAddressestheMostCommonQuestions(2010)oneofthemostcommon comments of dying individuals when asked about what they regretabouttheirlivesisthattheywishtheywouldhavelivedmoreaccordingtotheirdesiresthanothersrsquoexpectationsWhileourlivescanonlybebreathedthroughourownnostrils sometimeswe adopt other peoplersquos beliefs aboutwhatrsquos bestforusandassumethemasguidinglightsItisonlythroughfulfillingtheneedsandthedeepdesiresofourheartsthatwecanachieveourdestinyflowingintheuniversalorderofallexistingthings
AtreedoesnotdevelopbranchesjustforbirdstoperchratherbecausethebranchesformthatisinthenatureofthetreersquosdevelopmentandunfoldingThefact thatabirdcanperchon itsbranch is just soandnot the treersquos reasonforbeing
IfyourpreviousidentitywasbasedonothersrsquoneedsyoucannowredesignandredefineanewbyaccessingoneofhumanityrsquosessentialdesiresldquothedesireforpurposethedrivetobecomewhoyouaremeanttoberdquoasexpressedbyRodStryker (2011 35) ldquoYour long-term happiness and fulfillmentrdquo he continuesldquodependonyourabilitytofulfillyourpersonaldharmaandfilltheplaceintheworldthatonlyyoucanfillrdquo
WhatArethePossibleMeaningsofFindingaNewIdentityAfterLoss
Oneoftheamazingfeaturesofthehumanbrainisitsabilitytoassignmeaningto our experiencesThis is due to the presenceof the neocortex a vast net ofinterconnected neurons that complement the functions of the reptilian braininteractingwiththelimbicsystemandtheemotionalbrainThisemotionalpartof thebrain appeared inmammals only just a fewmillionyears agoSowhat
doesthisprocessoftransformationmeanforanindividualThereisnoshortageofmeanings
FindingaLightattheEndoftheTunnel
Despair iscommoningriefbecausesometimes in thevastdarknessof theprocesswecannotenvisionhowlifecouldpossiblygoonItislikebeingstuckinadarktunnelunabletosenselightattheotherend
Thismetaphor often refers to the impossibility of identifying a solutionorresolution for an existing situation when we are in the thick of it ExistencecontinuesafterlossandsocanweBytrustingthatthereislightsomewhereandthat thedarknessinwhichweareimmersedinthepresentmomentwillnotbethere forever we can relax knowing that in time it too will change likeeverythingelsedoes
ThecaseofoneofmyclientsJoancomestomindFeelingboredpracticingConcentratedGazingsheaskedmetousealitcandleforthedistantfocalpointinsteadofablackdotHerassumptionwasthatthedancingflamewouldpreventherfromfeelingdrowsy
Because she had defined the experience of her grief aswalking through adarktunnelwithnoendIproposedtokeepthisimageinmindasshepracticedThis conscious ldquoshiftingrdquo of attention from her present reality of pain andconfusiontothepromiseofanenlightenedfutureservedasapowerfulmetaphorforJoanPerformingthisformofConcentratedGazingshetookthismetaphorofthelightattheendofthetunneltothephysicalrealmofherpractice
Focusingtheeyeonthedistantobjectbecameasymbolofherwillingnesstoface the unknown future projecting her intention tomove beyond the presentfeelings of pain confusion and isolation Even thoughwemight bemired indarknessanddespairthearcofourvisioncarriesustoadeeperrealityonefromwhichweemergestrongerandwiserThankstothisconsciousworkweareabletoovercomethenegativeanticipatorythinkingthathasensnaredus
WhileteachingaclassattheUniversityofCaliforniandashBerkeleyIoncehearda seasoned therapist share her newly found observation She stated that afterthirty-fiveyearsofcounselingclientsshesawthatalltherapeuticworkisbasedindealingwithgrief
Althoughmostgrievingindividualscertainlywouldpreferaquickfixthosewhochose to laboriouslyengage ingriefworkcanfindhope regain trustand
reducetheirpainEnticedbythepossibilityofabetterlifeonemoreabundantinlightandself-lovetheyrealizethatjustontheothersideoftheveilofdarknessissomuchmorethanmostofuseverthoughtpossibleWeenvisionthepositiveoutcomeofourgriefworka torchthatblazesat theothersidewiththenewlydiscoveredknowledgeofself
ExperiencingRebirth
Sometimestheexperienceofarrivingtoanewselfissointensethatpeoplerefer to it as a new birth or a rebirth This is something Irsquove seen happenparticularlyinthecaseofcancerpatientsPeoplefacingcancerhaveaprimarylossofhealthbuttheyalsofacesecondarylossessuchasthelossoftheabilityto perform familiar activities or the loss of hair due to chemotherapyrsquossecondaryeffects
Once losses have been normalized a surprising number of cancer patientsexpress enjoying newly cherished aspects of life They have reported feelingdeeper gratitude delighting in delicate interpersonal contact embodying adeeper knowing of their personal needs and more actively participating inincreasedcompassionateself-care
ManyperceivethisasanewlifeOftencancerpatientswillrefertothedateofdiagnosisasakindofldquosecondbirthdayrdquo
THEMYTHOFTHEPHOENIX
Thephoenixamythicalbirdthatobtainsnewlifebyrisingfromtheashesofits predecessorThe aftermath of the shockingdevastationof loss is describedusing imagery referring to scorched landscapes after a fire empty colorlessvacant dark and lifeless Using this metaphor imagine what this charredlandscape home to so many different animals plants and trees might havecontainedbeforeTheashescontaintherecordedimprintofthepreexistingfaunaandfloraaswellastheelementsthathelpthesoilbecomemorefertileandthatimprove theoverallhealthof the forestDespite theabsenceofwhatwas losttheirmemoryisretainedconcentratedintheashwhichfertilizestheforestfloorandfacilitatesregrowth
Byremainingpresentforthefeelingsthatcomeupingriefwebecomelikethe phoenix created anew from the ashes left behind by loss In her beautifulshortpieceonthelossofason-in-lawKimberleyPittman-Schulzwritesthatldquoto
grieve one deathmeans always to grieve twordquo (2011 16) This is true for somanyof thepeoplehollowedoutby theirexperienceof lossWhatever timeittakesmdashmonthsoryearsmdashtobecomeawareofhowdeeplyalosshaspenetratedus we have the option of living in honor of the departed or deceased byfollowingourpath
Themythofthephoenixisapowerfuloneforunderstandinghowfromthedepths of the ashes a new being is born rising high above the place of oursorrowanddespairendowedwithnewperspectivesandacquiredwisdom
HonoringtheLegacyoftheDeparted
Other than profoundly negative relationships the severance of whichprovidesreliefmostofuswanttocontinuethebondsfindingwaystohonorthelegacyofwhatwehavelost
MostlywechoosetobelievethatthedepartedwouldpreferustobehappyandtostillfulfillourdreamsIndoingso thisbecomesawayofhonoringthememory and intentions of the departed and a way of staying in contact withthemItprovidesuswithafreshopportunitytoshareournewinformationaboutourselves andour accomplishmentswith thedeceased in a figurativeway thatwebelievewouldmakethemhappy
Itallowsourbodies toengage inanaction thesimpleactionof livingourlivesinabetterwayWecannottouchthehandofalostchildorphysicallyhugalostpetyetwefindnewendeavorstoaccomplishldquoinhonorofrdquoldquoasrelatedtordquoandldquointhenameofrdquothedepartedbringingnewmeaningtotheloss
This can serve us by acknowledging and attending to the unfinishedbusiness and still effect perceptive changes even in our relationshipwith thedeceased
BeinganExampletoOthers
OursocietyisnotcomfortablewithgriefnordoesitoffersuitableoutletsforexpressionoftherelatedfeelingsInsteadgriefoftengetssweptundertherugAcommonbelief is thatwegetoverourgriefwith thepassageof timeNothingcouldbefurtherfromthetruththereisnoldquogettingoverrdquoourgriefanditdoesnot simply fade away with time By being patient with our own process weteachotherspatienceByconsciouslyaddressingoursymptomsweteachothers
about self-care By properly naming our feelings and speaking our truth weteachotherstoheargrieversoutandconsolethem
Finding a new identity after loss requires awareness and presence for themultitudeofinsightsgriefoffersBydoingourworkandsharingourexperiencewebecomeamodelanexamplethatotherscanbenefitfromintheirownlivesSociety loves those characters who are secure solid assertive and exhibitdominionoveruncertaintiesEveryonegravitates toward theherowhohumblyunderstands personal weaknesses has self-reliant qualities and has integratedacquiredknowledgeandwisdom
Aswetransitthegrievingprocessfromourheartsandtheintricaciesofourmindswediscoverourresilienceandstrengthenourskillsdefiningabetterlifeandsettingagoodexampletobewitnessedbyothers
LearningNewWaysofLoving
Our new identity can offer a different relationship between love andattachmentonethatmovesawayfrompresentingthemasequalIonceheardanotedprofessionalsaythatgriefisthepricewepayforlovebutintruthgriefisthepricewepayforattachment
Todifferentiate love fromattachmentwe set anewstandardofpossibilityboth with others and for ourselves Societies flourishing in balance and truthstartwithindividualsandrightnowthatisyouandme
Bymakingloveandattachment thesamewemistake the impermanentforpermanent and insteadof lovingunconditionallywe create the conditions forcodependenceByunderstandinghowtocontinuelovinginthefaceofabsencewe liberate love from itsmaterial basis and liberate ourselves in the processThen love achieves its full force becoming capable of transforming inunexpected ways undoing the old and granting us access to a new way oflovingourselveswithfreedomandrespect
SinkingintotheOrderoftheUniverse
The universal order is already in existence and sinking into it promotesactionsthatreinforcetheprincipleofpronoiawhichdictatesthattheuniverseisconspiring in your highest good in both the internal and externalworlds Theacceptanceofthisfactreestablishesourtrustinlifeandbringsasenseofhope
thatiselusivewhileingriefChangeisaconstantforceintheorderoftheuniverseAsyoubecomeaware
of personal choices that no longer serve you trusting the universal forceactivates conscious envisioning of new more appropriate options AnotheressentialyogictruthexpressesthatldquoalltheknowledgeyouneedforyourlifeisalreadywithinyourdquoConsidering thiscanhelpyoubreak free frompreviouslyheldbeliefsthatcauseresistance
IndoingsoyouremovethefirstofthefivecausesofsufferingasstatedbyPatanjali inTheYogaSutras ignoranceof the truthReplacing ignorancewithknowledgebasedonourpresentrealityisoftangiblebenefittogrievers
Theresultingfeeling issimilar towhatweexperiencewhenweswimwiththe current or when we sleep at night a sense of going with the flowcharacterizedbycomfortandeaseThatdoesnotmeantheabsoluteabsenceofstruggleItsuggeststhataswepracticeweencounteraccommodatingmomentsthatallowus togetcomfortablealongwith thediscomfortor relaxwithin theunrestfeelingeaseinthemidstofcomplexity
Yourecognizethatyouarepartofalargerorganismabundantinactivityandpulsatingwith lifeTheacceptance thatyouarepartofacommunityofotherswhohavehopesdesiresandfearsjustlikeyoudocanbeapowerfulantidotetotheparalyzingisolationofgrief
Youcanchangeanidentityestablishedontheoldmodelofattachmentsandembrace a new one based on the synchronicity of your coexistence with theuniverseMost of thework in yoga is related to understanding this union andallowing it to be lifersquos guiding light Transforming our grief offers theopportunity most of us seek to access to bathe in the universal wisdom andbecome part of the whole This experience changes our life forever in theintimacyofoursolitudeorinthecompanyoftherestofhumanity
GriefiswithoutadoubtthemostintenseinvitationtoacknowledgetheunionofallexistingthingsIhaveknownItnotonlyforcesustolivewithamazinglycontradictoryfeelingsandemotionssuchasldquoIdonrsquotwanttoeverthinkofhimagainmdashIdonrsquotwanttoeverforgethimrdquobutalsobecausewearepromptedtogothroughextremelyoppositeconditionsinourbodiesaswellfromfeelingfullofenergywhenexperiencingtheinitialshockofalosstofeelingdeepfatigueafewdayslaterAsconfusingastheseextremesmightseemtoourmindsourheartsfind solace and relief when able to link these opposing feelings and thoughtswith the word ldquoandrdquo A significant part of the new identity results fromsubstituting the limiting ldquobutrdquo for a more inclusive ldquoandrdquo Just think of how
differentitfeelstohearyourselfsayingldquoIwanttoremarrybutnootherwomanwilllovemethesamewayrdquoversusldquoIwanttoremarryandnootherwomanwilllove me the same wayrdquo The very presence of the word ldquobutrdquo is divisiveseparatingnotconducivetoreconciliationmdashqualitiesthatgrieversneednomoreofOnthecontraryldquoandrdquoisinclusiveunitinganinvitationtoreconcileTheseareallmilestonesforagrieveralonghisorherjourneythroughgrief
Aswe conclude the discussion of how to transform grief into a source ofself-knowledge toward a new identity I would like to revive the image of awindmillasametaphorforthisprocessoftransformationJustasthewindmillbladesaremovedbywindourwholebeingissweptupbythemysteryoflossThisnaturalphenomenon iswhatsparks the transformationofhardgrains intoedible flour just as loss forcesus to transform thedepthsofwhoweareThenewly created flour is the starting point of a future meal just as the newlyacquiredknowledgewehavegainedfromlossisthestartingpointofanewldquoIrdquo
ConclusionldquoSolitudehassoftsilkyhandsbutwithstrongfingersitgraspstheheartand
makesitachewithsorrowSolitudeistheallyofsorrowaswellasacompanionofspiritualexaltationrdquo
mdashKahlilGibran(200559)
GriefaffectsusonthedeepestlevelimaginableinallaspectsofourhumanitythephysicalmentalandspiritualBecausesomuchofouridentityiswrappedupinpreviousattachmentswhethergoodorbadthatidentityisstrippedawaywhenwe lose thosepersonsorobjects towhichwersquovebecomeattachedTheyoftenloomsolargelyinourworldthatwerarelytaketimetoquestionhowourlives might be affected by their absence When that moment comes we areforced to answer that question Regardless of our cultural background orreligiousaffiliationwefeel thatuniquesensationthatcomeswithlossBeyondany name we can find for it our whole being ldquoknowsrdquo what we are goingthrough
ThisbookisbornfromthatfeelingdeepwithinmeitisonemoreexpressionofhowmygriefpermeatedmyactionsthoughtsandwordsInowrealizethatfully embracing my personal grief along with my passion for working withgrievers professionally has been a way of emotionally relocatingmymotherandinevitablymyselfTheldquoIrdquospeakingtoyouinthepagesofthisbookcouldnotexistwithoutfirsthavingtransformedmyowngrief
Irsquove shared information about many aspects of grief that can help younormalize yours Please know that loss is part of the human condition andsooneror later grief is felt byallUnderstandinghowEast andWestdiffer intheir view of grief may help you tolerate your contradicting feelings andthoughtsYourpresentrealityisinawayinducedbyyourbrainBepatientallthroughoutlifeyourbrainadaptsbyrewiringitselfthroughexperiencemdashsocanyou
Irsquove offered tools to transform your physical reality through body
movementsandpostures aswell as to reshapeyourmentalpanorama throughbreath work and connect with the deep wisdom of your Spirit throughmeditation Irsquove given suggestions to tailor your practice according to yourabilitiesandneedsUnderstanding the relationshipbetween the techniquesandthewaysthetechniquesaffectgriefcaninformyourchoicesastowhichofthemtopractice
ThesimpleactofpracticingismoreimportantthananyonespecificexercisecontainedinthisbookWhathelpsyoumostisprovingtoyourselfthatyouhavetheintentiontochangePracticewillhelpyoufindwaysofkeepinganenduringconnectionwithwhoorwhathasdepartedwhilerelatingtoyournewemergingselfAsyouwitnessyourselfthepracticehasalreadybegun
ThroughthepowerofyogayouareabletoplungeintothedepthsthathousenotonlyyourpainbutalsoyourtrueselfItisoftenduringthistimethatweareabletomakereallastingchangesthatputusonanewpathtowardgreaterself-fulfillment and ultimate acceptance of the laws of the Universemdashour humbleessenceisjustonemoregrainofsandontheshoresofexistence
In our modern society we tend to trek through life at a breakneck pacestopping to look and listen only rarely either when itrsquos convenient or mostcommon when we are shocked into awareness Loss itself causes the soul-stirring awakening that transforms us even though grief asks not if we arepreparedforsuchtransformativework
Timeisanessentialpartof theprocess justnot theonlyonePayingcloseattentiontothewisdomofourSpiritisrequiredBereavementisatimewhentheSpirit can be contacted most readily because its latent power is clearlyaccessibleAsyoutranscendtheapparentdualityofexistenceyouwillfindthatlifeanddeathabsenceandpresencearepartofonecontinuumandcannotstripyouoftheloveresidingunderneathyoursuffering
TheyogapracticeIrsquovesharedwithyouisnottohelpavoidsufferingratherit is toaidyou in finding reliefAsyouexperienceyourgriefmore fullyyoumove closer to the unique being that you truly are Grief then becomes anaturally humbling invitation to self-reflection not something to be reviled orshunnedManyculturesacceptdeathasatimeofrenewalasapreciousmomentthat teaches us about the bonds we all share including the one with oneselfWhen loss occurs many of us let in loneliness for the first time As youacknowledge the life that has departed you also feel the life that still resideswithinandyouareinvitedtorecognizethatonedaythislifewilltoodepart
This isyour time toaccessasacredspacesetyour intentionsandwitness
theunfoldingoflifeonebreathinonebreathoutYouaretheonewhoneedsacknowledgmentinthismomentmorethananythingelseHereyogacanonceagain assist you Just consider one of yogarsquos core teachings ldquoWhat we arelookingforistheonewhoislookingrdquoYouareonyourwayhellip
GlossaryASANA
PhysicalmovementorposturetraditionallyfoundinthesystemofyogaByfirstaddressing thephysicalasanas help establish a strong foundation in the bodybeforemoreadvancedexercisesandmeditationareperformed
ATTACHMENTTHEORY
Theory pioneered by the behaviorist John Bowlby that discusses how we ashumanbeingsformemotionalbondsasinfantsandchildrenthatthendetermineourlove-relatedbehaviorsintoadulthood
AYURVEDA
AscienceoflifeayurmeaninglifeandvedameaningscienceorknowledgeItoffersabodyofwisdomdesignedtohelppeoplestayvitalwhilerealizingtheirfullhumanpotentialProvidingguidelinesonidealdailyandseasonalroutinesAyurvedaremindsusthathealthisthebalancedanddynamicintegrationofourenvironmentmindbodyandspirit
CHAKRAS
Energetic centers in the physical body that correspond to different nerveplexuses and endocrine glands aswell as certain emotional and psychologicaltraitsEachchakrasignifiesdifferentstagesofhumanevolution
DEGRIEFINGPROCESS
An integrated approach to grief therapy pioneered by Lyn Prashant thatincorporates bodywork traditional grief counseling and complementarytherapies
JWILLIAMWORDEN
American psychologist and grief counselor who created the ldquotasksrdquo model ofgrievingwhich identifies four tasks thegrievermust transit to fulfillanormalgrievingprocess
MEDITATION
MeditationisidentifiedbyPatanjaliwhowroteTheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliasthe primary means by which the practitioner achieves liberation It usuallyentailslimitingtherangeofchangeofthemindtobringaboutcalmandfocus
NORMALIZATION
Theconcept encountered ingrief therapy thatgrief symptomsarenormal andthat thesufferingagriever feelsaftera loss isnot tobeshunned It takes intoaccount both cultural and familial dismissals of grief This is often away forgrieverstofirstaccepttherealityoftheirlossandtostartprocessingthroughthepainoftheirgrief
PRANAYAMA
BreathingexercisestraditionallyfoundinthesystemofyogaBymanipulatingtheprana(lifeforce)pranayamaleadsustooperateontheconsciousnessitself
PRIMARYLOSS
The loss of a loved one object or ideal that occurs first and causes a typicalgriefreaction
PSYCHOPHYSIOLOGY
Multidisciplinarystudyofpsychologybiologyandneurologythatdemonstrateshowenvironmentalfactorsinfluenceusonapsychologicallevel
SADHANA
A spiritual practice that advocates a set of practical exercises to establishregularitythatsustainedovertimeleadsustospiritualfulfillment
SANKALPA
Theyogic principle ofResolveThis helps aid practitioners in identifying andsettinggoalsfortheirpracticeandthereforetheirlives
SECONDARYLOSSES
Lossesthatoccurasaresultoftheprimarylosshavingoccurred
SHATKARMA
Cleansing exercises that help purify both the body and mind preparing thepractitionerformeditation
YOGA
Asix-thousand-year-olddisciplinefromancientIndiawherebythroughphysicalexercises breath work and meditation we can overcome the suffering weencounterinlifeandcontactourSpirit
YOGACHIKITSA
Manrsquosfirstattemptatunitiveunderstandingofthemindemotionsandphysicaldistressandtheoldestholisticconceptandtherapyintheworld
YOGATHERAPY
Westernmodulationoftheoriginaldisciplineofyogaoftenperformedone-on-onethatcombinestraditionaltherapeuticmodelswiththebenefitsbestowedbythepracticeofyoga
ReferencesBegleySharon2007ldquoTheBrainHowtheBrainRewiresItselfrdquoTimeJanuary
192007httpcontenttimecomtimemagazinearticle09171158043800html
BhaktivedantaACSwamiPrabhupada1972Bhagavad-GitaasItIsLosAngelesBhaktivedantaBookTrust
Boleyn-FitzgeraldMiriam2010PicturesoftheMindWhattheNewNeuroscienceTellsUsAboutWhoWeAreNewYorkFTPress
BowlbyJohn1969AttachmentandLossVol1AttachmentNewYorkBasicBooks
BowlbyJohn1972AttachmentandLossVol2SeparationAnxietyandAngerNewYorkBasicBooks
BrezsnyRob2009PronoiaIstheAntidoteforParanoiaRevisedandExpandedHowtheWholeWorldisConspiringtoShowerYouwithBlessingsBerkeleyCANorthAtlanticBooks
BrobergAndersG2000ldquoAReviewofInterventionsintheParentndashChildRelationshipInformedbyAttachmentTheoryrdquoActaPaeligdiatrica89(434)37ndash42
BryantEdwinFed2009TheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliANewEditionTranslationandCommentaryNewYorkFarrarStrausandGiroux
DavidsonRichard2012TheEmotionalLifeofYourBrainHowItsUniquePatternsAffecttheWayYouThinkFeelandLivemdashandHowYouCanChangeThemNewYorkHudsonStreetPress
DiamondLisaM2001ldquoContributionsofPsychophysiologytoResearchonAdultAttachmentReviewandRecommendationsrdquoPersonalityandSocialPsychologyReview5(4)276ndash95
DiemerDeedre1998TheABCsofChakraTherapyAWorkbookYorkBeach
MaineSamuelWeiserInc
FreudSigmund1953ldquoMourningandMelancholiardquoInCollectedPapersVolIVeditedbyErnestJones152ndash70LondonTheHogarthPress
GardnerJames2002ldquoSomaticAspectsofLossandGriefrdquoNotesforUCBerkeleyExtensionContinuingEducationWorkshopBerkeleyCalifOctober26ndash27
GardnerJames2010ldquoTheAnxietyToolboxProgramrdquohttpwwwanxietytoolboxcomtoolboxindexhtm
GibranKahlil2005ldquoSilentSorrowrdquoInTheKahlilGibranReaderInspirationalWritingstranslatedbyAnthonlyRFerris59ndash61NewYorkCitadelPress
GoetheJohannWolfgangvon(attributed)DateunknownFromldquoUntilOneIsCommittedhelliprdquobyMeredithLeeGoetheSocietyofNorthAmericalastmodifiedMarch51998httpwwwgoethesocietyorgpagesquotescomhtml
LowenAlexander1994BioenergeticsTheRevolutionaryTherapyThatUsestheLanguageoftheBodytoHealtheProblemsoftheMindNewYorkPenguinArkana
LuncheHowardJ1999UnderstandingGriefAGuidefortheBereavedBerkeleyCASVLPress
MainMaryandJudithSolomon1986ldquoDiscoveryofanInsecureDisorientedAttachmentPatternProceduresFindingsandImplicationsfortheClassificationofBehaviorrdquoInAffectiveDevelopmentinInfancyeditedbyTBerryBrazeltonandMichaelYogmanNewYorkAblexPublishing
PanagotacosVicki2012ldquoDefiningandEnvisioningSelfrdquoInTechniquesofGriefTherapyCreativePracticesforCounselingtheBereavededitedbyRobertANeimeyerNewYorkRoutledge
Pascual-LeoneAlvaro2001ldquoTheBrainThatPlaysMusicandIsChangedByItrdquoAnnalsoftheNewYorkAcademyofSciences930315ndash29
PertCandace1997MoleculesofEmotionWhyYouFeeltheWayYouFeelNewYorkScribner
Pittman-SchulzKimberley2011ldquoLightHeldTogetherByWaterrdquoTheSunMagazineOctober162011
PrashantLyn2002TheArtofTransformingGriefAPracticalGuideforCombiningConventionalandComplementaryMind-BodyTherapiesSanAnselmoCalifSelf-published
PrashantLyn2005Keynotespeechatthe12thAnnualNationalAlzheimerrsquosConferenceMayoClinicRochesterMinnNovember
RandoTherese1993TreatmentofComplicatedMourningChampaignIllResearchPress
RawatPremPalSingh1990March16LectureatThePremRawatFoundationBuenosAiresArgentina
ReichWilhelm1949CharacterAnalysisNewYorkFarrarStrausandGiroux
RosenbaumBentandSverreVarvin2007ldquoTheInfluenceofExtremeTraumatizationonBodyMindandSocialRelationsrdquoInternationalJournalofPsychoanalysis88(6)1527ndash42
SatyanandaSwami1976FourChaptersonFreedomBiharIndiaYogaPublicationsTrust
SatyanandaSwami1985KundaliniTantraBiharIndiaYogaPublicationsTrust
SelbyJohn1992KundaliniAwakeningAGentleGuidetoChakraActivationandSpiritualGrowthNewYorkBantamBooks
StrykerRod2011TheFourDesiresCreatingaLifeofPurposeHappinessProsperityandFreedomNewYorkDelcortePress
SubramuniyaswamiSivaya1999WeaverrsquosWisdomAncientPreceptsforaPerfectLifeKapaaHIHimalayanAcademy
UlvestadElling2012ldquoPsychoneuroimmunologyTheExperientialDimensionrdquoMethodsinMolecularBiology93421ndash37
VandenBergBellisAlbertWongPetervanderVeldenHendriekBoshuizenandLindaGrievink2012ldquoDisasterExposureasaRiskFactorforMentalHealthProblemsEighteenMonthsFourandTenYearsPost-DisasterALongitudinalStudyrdquoBMCPsychiatry12147ndash60
WhitleyBellKaren2010LivingattheEndofLifeAHospiceNurseAddressestheMostCommonQuestionsNewYorkSterlingPublishing
WeintraubAmy2004YogaforDepressionACompassionateGuidetoRelieveSufferingThroughYogaNewYorkBroadwayBooks
WordenJWilliam2009GriefCounselingandGriefTherapyAHandbookfortheMentalHealthPractitioner4thedNewYorkSpringerPublishingCo
AntonioSausysMAIGTCMTRYTisasomaticpsychotherapistandyogainstructorspecializing inone-on-oneyoga therapy forpeoplewithchronicandacutemedicalconditionsaswellasemotionalimbalanceHestudiedwithyogamasters and teachers such as Indra Devi Swami Maitreyananda and LarryPayne He has continued his professional development with training inintegrative grief therapy with Lyn Prashant foot reflexology SwedishtherapeuticmassageandReikiAntonioteachesandlecturesperiodicallyattheUniversityofCaliforniaBerkeleyattheCaliforniaInstituteofIntegralStudiesKripaluCenterforYogaandHealthHeisamemberoftheWorldYogaCounciltheInternationalAssociationofYogaTherapistsandtheAssociationforDeathEducationandCounselingHeisthefounderandexecutivedirectorofYogaforHealthmdashthe International Yoga Therapy Conference and television host forYogiViewsFormoreinformationvisityogaforgriefreliefcom
TheauthorthankshisfreelanceeditorElliottVogel forhiscreativeassistanceonYogaforGriefReliefVogelisafreelancewriterandeditorAstudentofyogaforovertenyearsVogelrsquosjourneystudyingthephilosophyandpracticeofyogaoriginatedunderthetutelageofthebookrsquosauthorAntonioSausysHecurrentlyresidesinMillValleyCA
Foreword writer Lyn Prashant PhD FT IGT SYVC is a somaticthanatologist certified grief counselor massage therapist yoga instructorauthorandinternationalpresenterSheisthedirectorandfounderofDegriefingreg
(IntegrativeGriefTherapy)andtheInstituteofSomaticThanatology
- Contents
- Acknowledgments
- Foreword
- Introduction
- Grief A Normal Response to Loss
-
- Defining Grief The Western View
- Four Tasks of Mourning A Road Map for the Grieving Process
- Grief and the Brain
-
- Yoga and Grief
-
- The Five Spokes on the Wheel of Suffering
- Griefrsquos Challenge to Spirituality
- Love Beyond Attachment
-
- How the Yoga for Grief Relief Practice Works
-
- How This Practice Was Born
- The Active Principles of the Practice
- How the Practice Functions as a Whole
-
- What You Can Do The Yoga Practice
-
- Accepting Life Fully
- Unblocking the Flow of the Life Force
- Whisking Up the Feelings
- Let Go
- Sleep Better and Awaken to a New Perspective
- Control Is Somehow Possible
- Bringing Calm to a Scattered Mind and a Distressed Body
- Dissolving Old Patterns and Reprogramming the Mind with Intention
- Opening to Spirit
-
- Designing the Logistical Aspects of Your Practice
-
- Setting the Intention
- Should You Practice Alone or Under Guidance
- Is It Better to Practice Individually or in a Group
- Is It Safe to Do This Practice by Yourself
- Which Exercises Are Best for Me
- Where Should I Practice
- When Should I Practice
- For How Long Should I Practice
- Your Practice Changes as You Do
-
- The Process of Transformation
-
- Finding a New Identity After Loss
- How Can the Transformation Be Accomplished
- What Are the Possible Meanings of Finding a New Identity After Loss
-
- Conclusion
- Glossary
- References
-
Foreword
In1984IwaslivingattheLivingDyingProjectinSantaFeNewMexicowithmy young husbandMark He was exploring the nature of his life and deathprovokedbytheextremeafflictionofmetastasizedheadandneckcancerIwasnewlymarriedandboththegrievingwifeanddesignatedsurvivorWithMarkrsquosdeathDegriefing(IntegrativeGriefTherapy)wasbornandmylifersquosworkwasshowntome
AtfirstIquestionedhowIwasgoingtocontinuetofindmeaninginmysolojourneyIaskedMarkldquoWhoamIWhodiesWheredoyougoWhatamItodowiththerestofmyliferdquo
ldquoLearntoloveeverythingasyoulovemerdquowashissimplystatedresponseIsoughtoutprofessionals tohelpme learn todo that andyet felt invisiblenotheardnotseenIdidnrsquotevenunderstandhowtobegintolookformeAcaringand concerned friend treated me to my first experience of truly consciousbodyworkwhichhelpedmebegintotoleratebeinginmyskin
Ialsonoted thatwhenIcoaxedmygrievingbody intosomeyogaposes Ifelt the molecular shift of my internal particles reorganizing As an athletephysical education teacher and coach I saw how the physical body not onlyneedsitsownexpressionbutactuallydemandsphysicalreleaseThisresetsthebalance of the many interconnected complex biological systems involved ingriefMythinkingwasclearerafterarunoradanceoraswimIsawthatwhenIengagedmybodyIfeltenergizedratherthandrainedIwasfeelingalifeforceinside ofme resurging How could this beWas this okayWould I losemyconnectionwithMarkifthepainstartedtosubsideThisforcethisfuelwhatisitforhellipTodowhathellipToknowwhatIwasreappearinginanewversionofmyever-changingself
As I was preparing to graduate from the Grief Counseling CertificationProgramattheGraduateSchoolofProfessionalPsychologyatJFKUniversityIwas offered a position as the director of the first holistic health spa in thesouthernconeofSouthAmericaBeforedepartingtheSanFranciscoBayAreaIstatedIwouldmanifestthemostamazingyogateacherinSouthAmericaThisstatement actualized itself whenAntonio interviewed for the position of yogainstructoronthespastaffIsharedmyvisionofworkingwiththebereavedand
askedifhewouldliketoparticipateHisresponsewaspassionateandgenuineexhibitingcontinuedinterestdevotionandcommitment
YogaforGriefReliefisanoffshootoftheDegriefingprocessrepresentingtheworkof IntegrativeGriefTherapyat its core It directly relates to somaticthanatology which uses integrative therapeutic interventions as externalizingtoolsinvolvingthebodymindandspiritEachindividualchoosesandusesthetoolsthatwillhelphimorhernavigatetheuncharteredwatersofgriefYogaisthe master transformer by offering teaching and options for everything andeveryone Grief turns us inside out and upside down and so does yogacompassionately lovingly individually itmeetsuswhereweare inourselvesYogaguidesustoawayoflifethatpromoteshealthyintentionalchangeItisawayofself-loveandloveforall
IsawinAntoniotheinfinitepossibilitiesandwide-rangingopportunitiesforhimtoassistthebereavedIfoundthathishighlyskilledapproachalongwithhisexpert training in both the yogic tradition and body-oriented psychotherapyprovidedhimwithamind-bodybalancecosmicallysuitedforhislifeworkasayogamasterHeisdevotedtothehighestgoodforeveryoneandisalovingandfiercetaskmastertransmittingtheknowledgeoftheyogicwayoflivingIknewthatAntoniowastheonetocarryforththeDegriefingworkthroughYoga
ItisallhereinthisimportantbookItdelicatelycombinesandcorrelatestheuseofEasternwisdomwithWesternphilosophyWearegrievinggloballyandneedadoseofuniversalknowledgetopromotebalancewithineachoneofus
This book is a gift a friend and a tool It offers maps to demystify andnormalize aspects of grieving by presenting options for transforming ourphysical grief balancing systems compromised by its profound and humblingeffectsSincewearejumbledscatteredandshatteredalreadyweareinaprimeposition to integratenewcopingskills fora lifebased in thebuddingsenseofournewlyrevealedpersonalreality
InYogaforGriefReliefwelearntoexpressnotrepresstoexternalizenotinternalizetobreatheagainandrelocateallourlossestoourheartcentersowecan thrive within our newly met self Antoniorsquos work has furthered thedevelopment of Degriefingrsquos basic premises and illuminates the process ofworking with our grief Yoga provides support for all the systems and is thecontainerforintegrationofmind-body-spirit
Read and cherish this book digest it share it and embody the relief youseekWith the teachings of yoga and Antoniorsquos astute guidance take a deepbreathandbuckleyourpsychicseatbeltYouareonyourwayhome
mdashLynPrashantPhD
Introduction
GriefisaradicalopportunitytotransformourawarenessbutfewofusknowitWhenIwastwentyyearsoldmymotherdiedofastrokeFortwoandahalfyears I lived in a state of denial completely disconnected frommy feelingsWhenIwasfinallyabletobewithmypainIdiscoveredtomyastonishmentthatmybodyhadcreatedanadditionalcalciumdepositbetweenoneofmyribsandthebreastbonemdashwhatthebodywillsometimesdoinresponsetoafractureIn essence what my mind had been hiding my body showed with pristineclarityIhadabrokenheart
As life continued after the loss of my mother I began training with LynPrashant an outstanding grief counselor and therapist and creator of theDegriefingprocessacomprehensivemind-bodyapproachtogrieftherapyShehelpedmelearnthatgriefisoneofourleast-tappedsourcesofself-knowledgeSometime after starting to work together Lyn asked me to develop a yogapractice to address the body-centered effects of grief which can range fromfeelings of lethargy to dull aches tightness in the chest cavity shortness ofbreathandsleeplessnessIwaswellequippedthroughmytrainingasasomaticpsychotherapist and yoga teacher But it was my own personal experience ofgrief that led me to build a sadhana or spiritual discipline that eventuallybecameaholisticpracticeIcallYogaforGriefRelief
Today many of us though we donrsquot know it live in a perpetual state ofunacknowledgedgriefTherearemanyreasonsfor thisOneprimaryreason isthatweliveinasocietythatoftenshiesawayfromthepowerfulemotionsthatgriefpresentstousWeareoftenstoiclumberingthroughlosswithoutfeelingreturningtoworkorourdailylivesafterthelosslikenothinghappenedweburyourgriefdeepinsideofuswhereitremainstrappedbothinbodyandmind
Griefhappens in thebody yet thephysical symptoms that comeup in thegrievingprocessarenotalwaysdealtwithasdirectlyas theyshouldbeThesesymptomsarejustascommontothegrievingprocessasmentalandemotionalsymptomsandrequirejustasmuchattentioninordertobetreatedTalktherapycanbewonderfulbuttoooftenthebody-centeredeffectsofgriefgetsubsumedundertheemotionalissuesbeingdealtwithApersoncanatthesametimeandwith not much difficulty experience relief from these physical symptoms byperformingafewbasicexercisesTheseexercisesknowncollectivelyasyoga
weredevelopedmorethansixthousandyearsagobypeoplegiftedinthementalpowersofintuitionTheyrealizeddirectlywhatweintheWestarebeginningtounderstand today through the advent ofmodern science that the humanmindandbodytrulyshareaconnectionandinfluenceoneanotherandthat throughpracticeonecanlivefreelyinanabundanceofjoyandpresenceofSpirit
AbundanceofjoyYoumaythinkyouhavepickedupthewrongbooksincethesepagesare focusedongriefand themethods thatcanhelp thosesufferingfromitseffectsButIhaveexperiencedfirsthandthejoyyogacanprovideamidthemostoverwhelmingsorrowthehealingbroughtaboutbytheperformanceofsimple physical movements and different breathing techniquesmdashpractices youmayalreadybefamiliarwithWhatthisbookoffersisnotaldquoretreatrdquofromgriefnoraldquoreleaserdquofromgriefbutsimplysomerelieffromgriefOnceweareabletoworkphysicallywith the new reality loss has thrown us intowewill then beabletobetterunderstandwhatitisthathashappenedtousOnceweareabletoacknowledgethatononehandourliveswillneverbethesameandthatontheother hand all the potential of the universe lies within us a different picturestartstoemerge
LynPrashant affirms that ldquowedonrsquot get over our losseswe transformourrelationship to themrdquo and I agree with her one hundred percent Grief is apowerfulsourceofinformationaboutwhowearewhenwedaretolookThereisanaturalprogressionfromonetotheotherandifweareabletotransformourrelationship togrief inaway that results in improvedself-knowledge thenwecan establish a new identity We identify ourselves through the persons andthingsweareattachedtowhenwelosethemwelosepartofwhoweareYetwecontinuebeingonlyinawaythatisnotknowntousTheprocessoffindingoutwhothenewldquoonerdquoisismultilayeredItinvolvesunderstandinganddealingwith thephysical symptomsofgriefactuallycompleting thegrievingprocessandreidentifyingourselvesnotbasedonpreconceivedorprelearnednotionsbutinstead on our true essence the onewersquove come somuch closer to thanks tohavingbeenstrippedofourpreviousidentityForthattohappenwemustworkThesadhana Irsquovedevelopedoffersapracticemdashthefoundationfor theworkwemustdomdashandalongthewayIrsquollsharetoolstohelpusreapthebenefitsweareafter
Bysittingwithawarenesswestart toaccept thechangeswearenowfacedwithAsweconsciouslyworkwithandevenchallengeourlearnedreactionsweask What starts to emerge from the chaos that loss leaves behind It is agroundedindividualonewhoisable toaccept thenewrealityandtocontinuewithlifeacalmpractitionerevenacuriousyogiAndwhydowepracticeItis
for the same reason that people inmodern-day India sat in yogic postures sixthousandyearsagopracticingmeditationbecausethedesiretoresolvesufferingisuniversalWeallneedcopingmechanismsweallneedtreatmentsthatsootheourrestlessmindsandourachingbodiesbutaboveallweneedtheknowledgethatcanbegainedsimplybybaskinginonersquosinnersilence
The practice I have developed for transforming grief from a painfulexperienceintoaconscioussourceofself-knowledgeisintroducedinthisbookin a six-part sequence breathing exercises body movements cleansingtechniquesrelaxationmentalreprogrammingandmeditation
Thebreathingtechniqueshelpbringbackasenseofcontroltotheindividualbymanipulatingthepranaorvitalforcewhichhelpsunitethegapbetweentheconscious and the unconscious The body movements serve to manage thebodyrsquosphysicalsymptomsofgriefparticularlyaddressingpainandotheracutesymptomsThecleansing techniqueshelp reset theendocrinesystemaffectingthe fight-or-flight responsewhich plays an essential role in the grief reactionandthefeelingsassociatedwith itRelaxation is includedwith the intentionofdiminishing the stress levels that increase during grief The powerful yogicprincipleofResolvehelpsresetmentalpatternsandfocusesthemindtowardthetransformationofgriefFinallymeditationisusedtoaddresstheSpiritoncethebody is still and the mind is calm that which is neither body nor mind canmanifestmoreclearly
Themainasana (physical posture) of theYoga forGriefRelief practice iscalled theWindmill Symbolically the windmill serves as an analogy for theprocessoftransformationofgriefintoanewidentityTheforcesoftheunknownmdashthewindmdashpowerthemechanismsofthewindmilljustasthemysteryoflosscreatesachurninginthedepthsofourownselvesAsthewindmillutilizesthesometimeswildanddestructiveforceofwindenergytomechanicallytransformhardgrains intoedible flour the techniques in this sadhana can transformourSpiritsleftvacantbylossbutopentoreceivingtheknowledgethatexistswithinusJustasthegrainbeingpulverizedresultsinafinerqualityofflourtheyogaexercisessharedhereoperateataneurochemicallevelimprovingourmoodandstrengtheningourresolveinthefaceofinsurmountablelossNotonlydoesthephysical component of the practice make us feel better new patterns areestablished that link the conscious performance of certain exercises with anoverallsenseofwell-beingMoreneuroscientistsarediscoveringthatourbrainsare resilient organs capable of far more than we had previously given themcreditforespeciallyintherealmofemotionaldisordersandaddictionButtheconclusionsofmodernneuroscienceall seem topoint tooneessential truthof
biological determinism practice makes perfect Our brains are capable ofreformation but they require discipline Yoga is an ancient art one whosefounders realized the importance of practice for physical results in the bodylastingimpressionsoftranquilityinthemindandtheevolutionofthesoul
It is the techniques themselves that are the inspiration for this book ThepracticemdashanditseffectsmdashresonatesstronglyinmylifetodayandinthoseofmystudentswhohaveengagedinitTheaimofthispracticeistohelpyouacceptthe realityof lossand thenwork through thepainofgriefOnceapersoncanadjusttothisnewsituationorenvironmentwithoutthelovedonethenheorshecan emotionally reinvest the love attached to the lost person or object andembarkonanewlife
When lateron in lifemyfatherpassedawaydespitemyknowledgeof thegrievingprocessandtheawarenessIhaveaboutwhatpracticescanhelptraverseit nothing could save me from experiencingmdashagainmdashthat deep pain of lossThere is noway around grief going through it is the only healthyway ThisbookandthetechniquesIdemonstrateherearenotawayofldquogettingovergriefrdquoInstead of avoiding the feelings these techniques are designed to help younavigate through emotions that are not always pleasant Because of myexperienceasayogatherapistIhadanawarenessofwhatsomeofmyreactionsweregoingtobewhenmyfatherdiedandIknewIhadtoolsIcouldutilizetohelp normalize those reactions and emerge anew It ismyhope that this bookwillofferawindowtotheuniquewayyouexperienceyourowngriefandgiveyousomesimpletechniquesthatwillhelpyousafelyexplorethatexperience
Youmay benefit from reading this book if you are looking to explore orwork with grief in the intimacy of a home yoga practice or existing studioworkoutifyouwouldliketocomplementthegrieftherapythatyouarealreadyengaged in or if you work with grieving individuals in your profession andwouldliketointegratetheknowledgeofyogaintoyourexistingtoolbox
Inchapter1youwill find information thatwillhelpnormalizeyourgriefYouwillstarttounderstandtheuniquenessofyourgrievingprocessandatthesame time acknowledge someuniversal truths about it In chapter2 youwilllearnsomeofthesuccinctwisdomofyogawhichwillhelpyouunderstandgriefinadifferentculturalcontextandhowparticularenergycenters(chakras)reactwhenwegrieveThewisdomteachingsareaknowledgethatisinactioninallofusregardlessofourbackgroundsorbeliefsystems
Inchapter3youwilllearnabouteachgeneralcategoryofpracticeandhowtheycanbeusedtoaddressdifferentaspectsofthegrievingprocessChapter4
presentstheexercisesinasimplehow-tomannerincludinghoweachtechniquecan help transform grief Chapter 5 offers guidance on how to set up yourpracticeaccording towhatrsquospossible foryouandwhatyourpersonal intentionisThis chapter also showsyouhow to start framingyour ideal conditions forpractice identifying what you want to accomplish along with any possiblebarriersInanycasewhatrsquosmostimportantisthatyoumeetyourselfwhereyouareItmaysoundsimplebutisoftenachallengeforthosefacedwithloss
AfterlearningthetechniquesandstartingtoplanhowtointegratethemintoyourlifeyouwilldiscoverhowtheyogapracticeservesthegreaterprocessoftransformationthatawakensyourspiritualconnectionwithlifeInchapter6youwilllearntoidentifyoldpatternsandwaysofthinkingyouwouldliketodiscardandpromote thoseyounowwelcomeaspartof the journey towardyourmostcompleteversionofyourselfThoughyoumightnotyethavefinishedgrievingyoucan start to seeways inwhich theexperienceofgrief serves to transformyourlifebygettingtothecoreofwhoyoureallyare
AsyoureadthroughthisbookremembertobegentlewithyourselfUsethisbookasaguidedrawfrom itwhenneededand remember that inorder tobeeffective these techniquesneed to bepracticed Intellectual information is notwhatweareafter Ifourmindscould solve themysteryof lossandgriefyouwould not be reading this book nor would I have written it I hope that inreading this book and throughyour ownpractice youmay access the hiddengiftthatliestrappedinthepainfulexperienceofgrief
Chapter1
GriefANormalResponsetoLoss
Grief affects the physical mental spiritual and emotional aspects of ourhumanityItisournormalreactiontolossbutthistruismdoesnotmakeitanyeasiertodealwithWeseemtoliveasifthethingsweareattachedtoarealwaysgoing to be thereAndmany of uswere raised in cultures that do not openlyacknowledge grief When faced with the pain and shock of loss we feelawkward clueless and confused overwhelmed and unprepared to begin tosootheourselvesAphraseheardfrequentlyfromgrievingpeopleisldquoIfeelasifIamgoingcrazyrdquoSomeconsider theprocessofbereavement tobean illnessrather than a normal part of the human condition that seeks outlet andexpression The cries of heartbreak allow the body to achieve balance byfacilitatingthereleaseofstresshormonesandsoothingsomeofthephysicalpainencounteredingrief
People experience grief in different ways We experience a vast array ofemotionalandphysicalsymptomsfromtheagitatedandanxioustothelethargicanddepressedfrombodyachesandmusclestiffness todisruptionsinsleepingandeatinghabitsThecommonfactor inall thesesymptomsishowourbrainsareinvolvedinthegrievingprocessCurrentresearchexploringtherolethatthebrainplays inemotional life isdiscussedlater in thischapter inldquoGriefandtheBrainrdquo
Yoga forGriefRelief is an entireprogramdesigned to support and informyou in all aspects of bereavement Itrsquos important to recognize that while thegrieving process is profoundly uncomfortable it is actually normalHowevercomplicatedgrief that continues toprovokeunhealthybehaviorsover the longterm and that takes an extreme toll on the griever is often better served byprofessionalhelp
DefiningGriefTheWesternViewGriefisapervasiveforceendemictothehumanconditionandanessentialpartofouremotionalmakeupEachculturerelatestogriefuniquelyWhereyougrewup how openwas your society to discussing issues that produce griefWhatcommonfuneraryritualsdidyourcultureprovideWhatvalueswereextolledby
yourfamilyDidpeopleinyourlifetypicallydieathomeorinhospitalsDidyougrowupinalargehouseholdorareyouanonlychild
The answers to these questions can and often do significantly influencereactionstolossJust thinkofhowagrievermayexperiencehisorhersorrowdifferentlyifinUruguayorintheUnitedStatesItisthecustominUruguaythatfamilyandclose friends spend thenightwith themourner immediatelyafter adeathtosharethepainandsorrowstayingawakethankstoafewcupsofcoffeeThentogethertheysayfarewelltothedeceasedandputtheremainstorestIntheUnitedStatesamorecommonwayofaccompanyingamourneristoattendawakeaneventthatoccurssometimeafterthedeathinwhichpeopletellfunnystoriesmentiongoodqualitiesoftheonegoneandthencelebratethedeceasedrsquoslifelavishlywithalcoholandfood
Alsoconsideran individual living inasociety that setsasideaspecialdayforrememberingandcelebratingthedeadversusapersonlivinginaculturethatfinds the outward exposure of sorrow socially inappropriate and lacking tasteTheseculturaldifferencesalsoaffecttheopinionsviewsandbeliefsofWesternpsychologists and clinicians who often assume very contradictory views tothoseofthemonksandswamisItrainedwithduringmyinitiationtoyoga
My dual training in the fields of somatic psychotherapy and the timelesswisdom of Yoga has allowed me to experience both worldviews firsthandRegrettablyWestern culture tends to sweepgrief under the rug by ignoring itentirely or compartmentalizing it Only minimal attention to grief is allowedeffectively preventing us from understanding its nature It is skillful to askourselvesquestionssuchasldquoWhatisthefirstgreatlossIremembersufferingWhocouldItalktoHowdidIcopewiththeexperienceHowdidthepeoplearoundme actrdquoThis inquiry encourages self-awareness and understanding ofhow your family and cultural background influence your relationship to yourowngrieftoday
DespitetherichvarietyofanswerstothesequestionsIwouldliketostartbysaying that grief is our natural response to lossmdashany loss Traditionally wethink of grief as being the range of emotional and psychological responsesexperiencedafterthedeathofsomeoneweloveButdeathisnottheonlytypeoflossthatelicitsgriefSomemightfeelgriefoverthelossofaprizedpossessionapetajobadreamortheiryouthInfactIhavewitnessedhumansgrievingthelossofperceivedinvincibilityafterbreakingabonethediscontinuationofaregularlyscheduledTVshoworafavoritebrandofsneakersorhavingreachedtheendofadeliciousnovelThecombinedeffectsofourlossesbigandsmallmajorandminoraccumulateinourbodiesThejudgmentthatsomelossesare
trivial and are therefore unimportant to consider can exacerbate feelings ofconfusion isolation and shame This can interfere with a grieverrsquos ability toaccepttherealityofwhereheorsheisinhisorherpersonalprocess
TwoTypesofLosses
Identifyingprimaryandsecondary losses ishelpful forcompassionateself-reflectionTheinitiallosstheonethatoccursfirstisusuallyreferredtoastheprimary loss Losses that occur as a result of this underlying primary loss areknownassecondarylosses
Primary lossesaremoreeasily identifiedwhile the secondaryonescanbemore subtle and perhaps underacknowledged with regard to their profoundemotional intensity For example a woman whose marriage ends in divorce(primaryloss)whothensufferstheexclusionofeventspreviouslyfoundonhersocial calendar (secondary loss) is dealingwith the exponential effects of thecombined losses Perhaps her ex-husband is still being invited to events orperhapshercoupled friendsareuncomfortablewithhernewsinglestatusThesecondarylossnamedhereisthelossofhersocialnetwork
It is important to acknowledge that while each primary loss occurs onlyonce secondary losses may continue to occur and are therefore experiencedfrequently In the previous example thewoman experienced the divorce onlyoncebutthelossofhersocialnetworkisfelteverytimesheisnotinvitedoutbyldquotheirrdquo friends In addition the burden of assuming roles and responsibilitiesformerlyhandledbyherexmdashsuchaspayingthemortgagebillcheckingtheairinthetiresormanagingthehouseholdinwaysshehasnothadtobeforemdashisaconstant painful reminder of all that has been lost since the divorce Thesecondary loss continually retriggers her grief due to the primary loss of thehusband
In another example losing all of onersquos family heirlooms in a house fire(primary loss) might evoke the experience of severing onersquos ancestral past(secondary loss)Secondary lossesarenrsquotalways recognizedasvalidcausesofgriefbuttheycanbringontremendoussorrowandrepeatedlyreignitethepainthatwasexperiencedfromtheprimaryloss
SymptomsofGrief
Although no two individuals grieve in the same way there is someconsistencyintheemotionalphysicalandmentalsymptomsassociatedwiththegrievingprocessSomeofthemostcommonlyacknowledgedfeelingsthatrelateto grief can be seen in the following table (adapted with permission fromLunche1999)
EMOTIONALSYMPTOMSOFGRIEF
Shocknumbness
Sadness
Emptiness
Feelinghelpless
Feelingoutofcontrol
Anger
Guiltregret
Resentment
Depression
Lonelinesslongingyearning
Fearanxietyinsecurity
Feelingsofbetrayaldisloyalty
Diminishedself-concern
Sorrowfortheonewhodied
Desiretojointhedeceased
Suicidalfeelings
Table1Emotionalsymptomsofgrief
Even though sadness is the feeling most commonly expressed while
grieving a wide range of emotions is often determined by the quality of therelationship we had with whatrsquos been lost as well as by the circumstancessurrounding the lossAs you can see from the Emotional Symptoms ofGrieftable the impact of our grief may present many complex combinations ofemotionsaffectingusdistinctly
OneexampleofthismightbewhenanabusivehusbanddiesmdashthewifecouldfeelmorerelievedthansadWhenafathercommitssuicidethechildrenheleftbehindmaybecopingwiththeirshameandangermorethanwithdepressionInmy personal and professional experience when a relationship that was morepositiveendsfeelingsofdepressionareverylikelytosurfaceWhereasthemoreconflictedarelationshipisthegreaterthelikelihoodisthatangerandguiltwillappear
Myfatherand I finallydevelopedapristine friendshipaftermanyyearsofnot getting along What soothed my heart most after he passed were thenurturing memories of our newly established friendship Because wepainstakingly attended to all our unfinished business I could grieve his losswithoutregretorambivalenceBeingatthatpointinourrelationshipatthetimeof his passing permittedme to connectwith themore profoundly painful andchallenging aspects of my grief process and be present to experience theemotionallyjoyousandpleasantmemoriesbubblingupinsideme
FourTasksofMourningARoadMapfortheGrievingProcess
GriefpresentsuswithtremendousdualityWegrievebothuniquelyaccordingtoourlifersquosvariablesanduniversallyasallhumansdoLeadersinthefieldhavenoted specific elements of grieving suggesting they need to be addressed inordertofulfillanormalprocessSomeofthemnametheseelementsasldquostagesrdquoothersasldquophasesrdquoofgriefBothtermssuggest tomesomethingmorestaleorpassiveinnatureOfall thinkersJWilliamWorden(2009)offers themodelIfind best suited to the yogic ideal of practice In his model he names theseelements ldquotasksrdquo a term that clearly denotes the dynamism the process reallyinvolvesItprovidesanactivewaytomovethroughgriefrsquoscommonemotionalstatesWordenrsquosFourTasksofMourningare
To accept the reality of the lossAccepting the reality of the loss toWorden implies recognizing that ldquoreunion with the departed isimpossible at least in this liferdquo (39) Worden describes a searchingbehavior that is common at this level of grieving whereby a grievingpersonmightldquoseerdquothedeceasedwalkinginacrowdandrecognizeheronly then to be confronted with the reminder of her death Variousdegreesofdenialcouldbeinvolvedinordertoavoidacceptingtherealityoftheloss
To process the pain of grief The second task involves consciouslyworking with the pain of grief Worden states ldquoIt is necessary toacknowledgeandworkthroughthispainoritcanmanifestitselfthroughphysicalsymptomsorsomeformofaberrantbehaviorrdquo(44)Thissecondtask of mourning is of special significance to yoga because of theconnectionwithconsciousworkanddedicatedpractice
To adjust to a world without the deceased Worden identifies threeareasofadjustmentthataretobereckonedwithafterthelossofalovedone External adjustments relate to how coping with loss affects oureveryday life (egwhatdowedowith theworkinghourswhenwersquovejust lost a job) Internal adjustments refer to how death affects self-definitionself-esteemandonersquossenseofself-efficacy(eghowcanaspouse feel like awhole self again after losing his partner) Spiritualadjustmentsimplydealingwiththechallengesofourbeliefsystemsandvaluesasdeathshakesthefoundationofonersquosassumptionsoftheworld(eg the faithful believer questioning the existence of a justGod afterfeelingthathisprayershavenotbeenheard)
To find an enduring connection with the deceased in the midst ofembarking on a new life Worden asserts that it is essential that themourner find newways to continue honoring the deceased while stillremaining focused on creating a new life Freud (1953) describes themental process of mourning as summoning mental images of the lostlovedonedetachingthepreviouslyinvestedloveandreestablishingthefreedomofthemindWordensuggeststhatwedonotentirelyrecycletheemotionalenergypreviouslyinvestedhecitescurrentresearchthatstatesthat maintaining an active awareness of the deceased person providescomfortandstrengthtothebereaved
Although each task is essential to the process of mourning the tasksthemselves are not linear After completing all four we may be prompted torevisitanyoreachofthem
Mostofoureffortsdealingwithgriefaregeared towardavoidingsufferingfromtheunusuallyimmensepainlossinflictsonusItisDrWordenrsquosopinionthat the fulfillment of all Four Tasks of Mourning is essential to promote ahealthy and normal grieving process Otherwise we may fall into what isconsideredacomplicatedgrievingprocess Insomecasesanindividualrsquosgriefreactionisprolongedbecominganalmostchronicconditionthatmayneverbefullyresolved
Examining examples of complicated grief we often see the actualmanifestation of symptoms showing up at amuch later time in response to amorerecentunexpectedlossThisexaggeratedreactioncanmanifestasorturnintoaspecificmentalconditionsuchasclinicaldepressionInothersthegriefappearsdisguisedbysymptomsandbehaviorsthatwhileseeminglyunrelatedtogriefareactuallyexamplesofldquomaskedrdquogrief(Worden2009)Itisimportanttodifferentiate thesemarkersofcomplicatedgrief fromthenaturalway inwhichgriefoccursdownthelinecomingbackunexpectedlyattimesinrelationtolifeeventsandother timesseemingly randomandpresentinguswith feelingsandsymptomsoftheoldgriefThisconceptiswellexpressedintheworkofThereseRando who coined the term STUG Sudden Temporary Upsurge of Grief(1993)
Grief triggers grief Fresh loss naturally triggers memories feelings andsymptoms related to a previous loss Sometimes we are truly shocked at thetremendous intensity of our feelings When others who are close to usexperience loss it can easily trigger our owngrief and cause us to revisit oldlossesevenifwefeelwehavedealtwiththemalreadyPerhapsthisisareasonwhypeoplerecoilfromhearingaboutanotherrsquosgrieforbecomeuncomfortablewhentheywitnesspeopleexhibittheirgriefopenlyCounselorstherapistsandhospiceworkerswhoworkwithgrief regularly see theirowngrief retriggeredandcansufferfromtheeffectsofldquocaregiverrsquosburdenrdquo
Regardless of howour grief originates the key element is that in order togrieve a loss we need to have developed a strong emotional connection withwhat has been lost or what it represents to us We need to have formed anattachment
AttachmentTheTrueRootofGrief
ldquoAttachmentrdquo is generally defined as a feeling that binds someone to aperson thing causeor idealThis is a remarkably similardescription towhatFreudstatedwhendescribingtheobjectofgriefduringmourning(Freud1953)Psychology views attachment as ldquoan evolved behavioral system designed toregulate infantsrsquo proximity to a protector and thereby maximize chances forsurvivalrdquo according to John Bowlby (Diamond 2001 277) Later on studiesconducted byMary Ainsworth concluded that there are three major styles ofattachmentsecureambivalent-insecureandavoidant-insecure(Broberg2000)
Researchers Main and Solomon (1986) added a fourth style known asdisorganized-insecureattachmentTheseearlyattachmentstylescanhelppredictbehaviors later in life especially adult romantic love For example when anindividual is able to gain comfort from his parents as a child (ldquosecureattachmentrdquo)hetendstohavegoodself-esteemasanadultOntheotherhandwhenachilddoesnotgainmuchcomfortorcontactfromhisparents(ldquoavoidantattachmentrdquo) he develops adult behaviors that invest little or no emotion insocialandromanticrelationships
In short our early attachments constitute our first awareness of thosewholove and care for us and influence how we love as adults No matter whatattachment style we develop we are all like these infantsmdashseeking survivalclingingtowhatisfamiliarLikeapacketoffoodcoloringreleasedintoapitcherof water we can see our attachments permeate the substance of our lifeAttachment is at the core of howwe form families and how our larger socialnetwork functions For us in theWest attachment is tantamount to love ldquoIf IloveyouIamattachedtoyoubeinghereforeverrdquoThisassociationissostrongthatactionsindicatingdetachmentareusuallyseenasasignofalackoflove
OurattachmentsinformuswhenwefeelathomewhenwearelonelyandwhenweareindangerEvenatachemicallevelthebondswemakewithhumanbeingsandotherobjectsaffectusWhenthesebondsbreakwecaninvestigatethepsychophysiologicaleffectsandnormalizethemanysomaticaspectsofgriefmanifesting asphysical symptomsNow letrsquosdiscoverwhat theperspectiveofpsychophysiologycanbringtoourunderstandingofgrief
GriefandtheBrainHow does the body express what the heart and mind are going throughCurrently there is not enoughmeasurable scientific data on grief and furtherresearch isstillneededMostof theexisting informationfocusesonvictimsoftraumaAlthoughalltraumainvolvesgriefitisimportanttorememberthatnot
all grief is traumatic Western psychology usually views the body as anafterthoughtproclaimingthatthegrievingprocesshappensmainlyinourmindsMore recent research in the areas of psychology immunology andendocrinologyrevealsdatathatshowshowemotionalprocesseslikegriefaffectmore than just our mental functioning Psychophysiology shows how life-changingeventsinfluencevirtuallyeveryareaofapersonrsquosphysicalandmentalconstitution from thought patterns to emotionalwell-being immune functionandoverallhealth(RosenbaumandVarvin2007Ulvestad2012VandenBerget al 2012) Western science is just now discovering and documentingconnectionsformulatedagesagofromthemeditativeobservationsofpracticingyogisTheevidenceofthemind-bodyconnectionsdiscoveredbythesescientistsistrulyfascinatinganditsimpactintheareaofgriefworkisonlybeginningtobefelt
Two of themain symptoms associatedwith grieving are pain in the chestmuscles and disruptions of the circadian rhythms particularly the sleep cyclePeople experience a variety of symptoms that usually change as the grievingprocess unfolds What should be eminently clear from the following table(adaptedwithpermissionfromLunche1999)isthatgriefaffectsthebody
PHYSICALSYMPTOMSOFGRIEF
Pain
Feelingoftightnessinthechest
Feelingoftightnessinthethroat
Alterations in the breathing patterns (shortness of breath frequentsighing)
Fatigueexhaustionlowenergy
Sleeppatterndisruption(insomniaorexcessivesleep)
Eatingpatterndisruption(overeatingoranorexia)
Alterationofthecardiacrhythms(bradycardiatachycardiaarrhythmia)
Digestivesystemupset
Generalizedtension
Restlessnessirritability
Increasedsensitivitytostimuli
Drymouth
Table2Physicalsymptomsofgrief
Grief is mainly orchestrated by the limbic system Itrsquos a central structure
withinthenervoussystemdeeplyinvolvedinthewayweexperienceemotionsThelimbicsysteminitiallygatherssensoryinformationaboutanexperienceandcomparesthatinformationwithpreviouslystoredknowledgehousingmemoriesof past similar experiences our belief systems and cultural values It thenassigns the experience an emotional tone and integrates a response Then theoutermost sheet of neuronal tissue in the brain the neocortex processes theexperiencefurtherandassignsmeaningtoitonadeeperlevel
Alterationsofthenormalfunctionsofthelimbicsystemresultin
irritability
moodiness
depression
negativethinking
negativeperspective
sleepandappetitedisorders
socialisolation
decreasedorincreasedsexualdriveand
motivation
Manyoftheitemsonthislistofmooddisturbancesandothersymptomsare
classicfeaturesofanormalgrievingprocesssolidifyingthecaseforthelimbicsystemrsquosinvolvementWhentakingalookatothermentalandsocialsymptomsofgrief thisconnectionwith thefunctionsof the limbicsystembecomesevenclearer
MentalSymptomsofGrief
Negativeanticipatorythinking
Disbelief
Confusion
Disorientation
Absentmindedness
Forgetfulness
Poorconcentration
Distraction
Difficultyfocusingandattending
Lowmotivation
Expectingtoseethedeceased
Expectingthedeceasedtocall
Preoccupationwiththedeceased
Feelingtheneedtotellandretellthestorysurroundingtheloss
Dreamsorimagesofthedeceased
Denial
Thinkingaboutotherdeathsandlosses
SocialSymptomsofGrief
Beingisolatedbyothers
Withdrawingfromsocialactivities
Diminisheddesireforsocialactivities
Copingwithlabelslikeldquowidowedrdquoldquosinglerdquoetc
Hidinggriefbytakingcareofothers
Losingfriendsmakingnewfriends
Table3Mentalandsocialsymptomsofgrief(adaptedwithpermissionfromLunche1999)
AccordingtoDrJamesGardnerldquoGriefbeginsinthebrainrdquoandaffectsthe
brainldquofromthehighestcorticalcentersandtemporal lobestothedeepermoreprimitive structures in the limbic systemrdquo For our neurotransmitters thebuilding blocks of the brain that are essential for intercellular communicationgrief ldquoaffects the way we process some of these chemicalsrdquo including theneuropeptides(20026)
On a biochemical level we react as though our entire existence is beingthreatenedAccordingtoGardnerldquoAstheserotoninsystemisweakenedbytheemotionalstressoflosstheanxietyresponseistriggeredrdquo(20026)Hegoesontosaythatthebodyrsquosfight-or-flightreactionincludesthereleaseofadrenalineThereleaseofhormonesincreasesheartrateandbloodpressurestressfulsignalsactivate the endocrine glands and affect the heart stomach various musclegroupsand thebloodvessels themselvesOthersymptoms include thecoolingof the extremities pupil dilation tremors sweating and nausea due tohyperventilationTakingitscuesfromthebrainthebodyreactstothefullforceofthelossasamenacingdangeradirectthreattooursurvival
NeuroplasticityandItsImplicationsforGrief
Even though grief is seemingly an omnipresent challenge influencing ourbrain chemistry we might consider the following news to be positive
Neuroplasticityreferstothebrainrsquosabilitytochangeitsstructureandfunctioninresponse to experience training and practice In the twentieth century ourbrainswere thought todevelopwithinacriticalperiodduringearlychildhoodand to then remain relatively immutable This thinking meant that once wepassedthecriticalperiodofdevelopmentwewerebasicallystuckinthosewaysforeverhardwiredfixedinformandfunctionThisbeliefloweredexpectationsaboutthevalueofrehabilitationforthosewhohadsufferedbraininjuryfromastrokeforexample
Becausepsychiatricconditionsare related tospecificneuronalpathways inthebrainthisalsomeantthatoncedevelopedamentalillnesswouldbealmostimpossibletotreatsuccessfully(Begley2007)SharonBegleyajournalistwhoreportsoncurrenttrendsonhealthandsciencewroteinTimemagazineldquoTherewasgood reason for lavishly illustratedbrainbooks to show the function sizeand location of the brainrsquos structures in permanent inkrdquo This prevailing viewalso reinforced limited mental perceptions It was simply a brain-determinedrealitythatafterlosingonersquoshouseonemightneverfeeltrulyathomeagainorafterlosingaspouseonecouldneverfindloveagain
These beliefs have been challenged by findings that reveal that manyfunctions of the brain remain plastic even into adulthood Substantial changeshave been documented showing that an individual can consciously andprofoundly alter the way his or her neurons are activated in response toexperience These alterations affect both the brainrsquos physical anatomy andfunctionalorganizationsignifyingthatthebraincananddoeschange
ldquoNeuronsThatFireTogetherWireTogetherrdquo
This is a common saying in the field of neuroscience New connectionsbetweennervouscellsareformedasweengageindifferentactivitiesThesenewneuronalpathwaysarestrengthenedwhenwerepeatthoseactivitieswiringthenervouscellstogetherThemorewerepeattheseactivitiesthemorepermanenttheconnectionsbecome
Even though these findings relate to how the brain compensates for injuryanddiseasethismechanismappliestobrainactivityingeneralNeuroplasticitymakespersonalgrowthanddevelopmentpossiblebyallowingthenervecellsinthebrain toadjust theiractivities in response tonewsituationsandchanges intheir environment Although this process is automatic and happensindependentlyoutsidetherealmofconsciousintentionwecaninfactenhance
thesought-afterresultsbyincreasingconsciouspracticeThemorepracticethemoreingrainedorimprintedthenewconnectionsbecome
ResearchconductedonmusiciansbyneuroscientistAlvaroPascual-LeoneaprofessorofneurologyatHarvardUniversityindicatesthatwhiletheprocessistriggered by actual practicemere thought can also alter the physical structureandfunctionofourgraymatter(2001)Hefoundthattheincreasedbrainsurfaceactivated in subjects after practicing an instrument was equal to those wholdquothoughtrdquo of the scales to be practiced This revelation is important whenunderstandinggriefbecauseitvalidatestheuseoftechniquessuchasSankalpaor Resolve which uses repetition of statements that reflect a desired state ofbeingtoinducethebraintoremapitselftowardsuchareality
TheBrainrsquosInsatiableQuestforHappiness
A special area of interest for those performing current research inneurosciencehasbeenstudyingthebrainsofBuddhistmonksduringmeditationtoobservewhetherthereisanymeasurablechangeinbrainactivitywiththeuseof contemplativepractices Inorder tounderstandhowourbrains conduct ourinsatiablequestforhappinesssomethingthemonksarebelievedtoexperiencethanks to meditation Richard Davidson a neuroscientist at the University ofWisconsinatMadisonconductedstudiestofindoutifwecanthinkofemotionsmoods and states suchascompassionasmental skills that could somehowbeingrainedinapersonthroughtrainingWhencomparingtheactivityinthebrainsofthegroupofmonksversusthoseofacontrolgroupwhodidnotmeditatethemoststrikingdifferencewasinanareaintheleftprefrontalcortexbelievedtobethesiteofactivitythatsignalshappiness(Davidson2012)Whilethemonkswere generating feelings of compassion activity in the left prefrontal cortexswamped activity in the right prefrontal cortex to a degree never before seenfrom purely mental activity (The right prefrontal cortex is associated withnegative moods) On the other hand the individuals belonging to the controlgroup showed no such differences between the left prefrontal cortex and therightAccordingtoDavidson thissuggests that thepositivestateisaskill thatcanbelearned
PracticeReshapesYourBrain
Thenewunderstandingofneuroplasticityrelatedtothepowerofthemindrsquosability to change our brains promises something fundamental for theunderstanding of grief By employing intentional and conscious physical andmental practice we can change our relationship to ourselves during ouremotionallyfluctuatinggrievingprocessEachactionweperformeachthoughtwe think each word we speak then becomes an arrow shot into the field ofmanifestationanopportunityforanewconnectioninthebraintomodifytheoldandemphasizetheestablishmentofanewidentity
While the focus of this book is not brain biology or neurochemistry it isimportant tounderstand justhowstronga forcegrief isRegardingourmentaland emotional landscape we now comprehend that our emotional life isinformedbythethoughtswethinkbyhowthebrainitselfreactstoexperiencesinstructingourbodies tobehaveYounow seehowmanyof the symptomsofgrief directly relate to how our brains reactwhen facing loss Recall how theattachmentstopeoplefromtheearlieststagesofourlifeformulateourpsychicbasis for the adult emotions of love and compassion Loss is a real materialexperience affecting us at every layer of our existence The following table(adapted with permission from Lunche 1999) indicates profound changes inbehaviorswhenwearegrievingAswedeepenourunderstandingofhowourbrains serve as the basis for many of these symptoms we can normalizeprofoundchangesthatarepowerfullyalteringrealityasweknewit
BehavioralSymptomsofGrief
Crying(sometimesunexpectedly)
Searchingforthedeceased
Carryingspecialobjects
Goingtothegravesite
Makingandkeepinganaltar
Keepingbelongingsintact
Lookingatphotosorvideosofthedeceased
Listeningtoaudiorecordingsofthedeceased
Talkingtothedeceased
Avoidingsituationsthatarousegrief
Changesindailyroutine
ldquoStayingbusyrdquo
Assumingmannerismsofthedeceased
Table4Behavioralsymptomsofgrief
By getting a sense of how intensely all systems are involved in the
bereavement process it becomes more evident that engaging certain yogaexercisesintendedtounitemindandbodyareeffectiveinbringingbackasenseof cohesion and personal control in times of grief Through breath workphysical movements and specific techniques designed to for example helpresetthefunctioningoftheendocrinesystemwecantakethisinformationaboutgriefandputittogooduseWecanapplytoolstointegrateconsciousresponsesthat help our brains reshape themselves in an active and insightfulwayYogahelpsustobemorepresentforourfeelingsofgriefanditisperhapsthemostcompletebodyofpracticalknowledgeyoucanseekout
Wewill now look at what this ancient discipline expresses as to whywegrieveandhowgriefrelatestoitsprecursorattachment
Chapter2
YogaandGrief
Yogarsquos quest to resolve human suffering is probably as old as the disciplineitself Since yogarsquos entrance into mainstream Western culture it has beentailored to meet the needs of a variety of practitioners Western styles andmodulations of yoga have complemented the ancient original schools orbranchesOne of the results of this diversification has been the emergence ofyoga therapy This system is perfectly designed for the application of yogarsquosteachings philosophy and unique methods for addressing and transformingpersonal imbalances manifesting as diseases or disorders Even though otherdisciplinessuchasyogachikitsaandAyurvedadealwiththetherapeuticprocessyoga therapy isactuallymorehelpful inaddressing thegrievingprocess in thebodymindandspirit
I have come to understand grief as one of the most prevailing andunacknowledged feelings in the human heart through my personal andprofessional experiences As a yogi I recognize the need for a more Spirit-centeredapproachtodealingwithgriefWitnessingtheeffectsonmystudentsalongwithmypersonalexperienceofpracticingyogaformanyyearshasgivenmeadeepunderstandingofyogarsquoseffectivenessintreatinggrief
Initially yoga helps us to manage some of the physical and emotionalsymptomsofgriefAsonersquospracticedeepensyogaoffersprofoundinsightsintothe difference between the suffering intrinsic to grief and that of attachmentwhich I call the precondition for grief Letrsquos examine some philosophicalunderpinningsofyogaandhowtheycandemystifyourrelationshiptogrief
TheFiveSpokesontheWheelofSufferingThefirstextantwrittenworkonyogathatpresentsacomprehensivephilosophyonthenatureofsufferingandhowtoalleviateitisTheYogaSutrasofPatanjali(Bryant2009)InthistextattachmentmdashthepreconditionforgriefmdashisnamedasoneofthefiverootcausesofsufferingthatinevitablyleadtopainandconfusionTogethertheyare
ignoranceofthetruth
egoism
attachment
aversionand
fearofdeath
IgnoranceofthetruthreferstoignoringtheessentialrulesthattheuniverseabidesbyAnexampleof this is to expect a flower tobeborn fullybloomedthen develop backward decreasing in size until it becomes a seed Thismisapprehension can be seen as a metaphor of life in general all livingorganismshaveadefinitebeginningandaperiodofdevelopmentandthenmeettheir end Therefore anyone contesting the flowerrsquos organic nature promotespersonalsuffering
Egoismreferstofalseidentificationwiththemindandbodyexclusivelyandignoring the Spirit The nature of both body andmind is one of craving Thebody craves heat food touch and rest the mind craves acknowledgmentidentificationandseekschangeOnceanyofourneedsbecomesatisfied thenimmediatelythenextonekicksinTheSpiritconverselyneedsnothingbecauseitcontainseverythingandisthesourceofeverythingByincludingourSpiritinour identificationwegaincontactwithanaspectofourselves that issatisfiedtrulyandcompletely(Satyananda1976)
Attachment refers to our dependency on the permanence of a personrsquospresence or an objectrsquos continued availability to produce and sustain ourhappinessAttachmentcomesfromthepositiveexperienceswehaveinlifeandthememoriesweforminassociationwiththemSinceallthingsarebytheirtruenatureabsolutely impermanentoursuffering isensuredwhen thingsdisappearordieOf the fivecausesof suffering attachmenthas aparticularly importantroleingriefandisthereforediscussedfurtherinthefollowingsection
Aversion is the opposite of attachment and is derived from negativeexperiencesinlifeItrefers tothingswedonrsquot likepromptingustoturnawayfrom them Because the likelihood of all things happening is evenly spreadacross the spectrumof reality thingswedonrsquot likewill inevitablyoccurmdashandwesufferyetagain
Fearof death refers to a feeling human beings experience as part of theiremotional makeup Because death is inevitable fearing it is a sure ticket tosufferingRegardlessofhoworwhenweinstinctivelyknowwhatwefearwill
arriveatsomepointThesefivecausesofsufferingbecomelikeawheelinahamstercageLike
naivehamsterswehurlthewheelintoperpetualmotionrunningtowardnoendIfwechoosetoignoretheessentialtruthwebecomeidentifiedwithourbodiesandmindsonlyThisleadsustogenerateattachmentsandaversionstheultimatebeingaversion toourowndeath ignoring the truth thatwe toowill inevitablydie
In Four Chapters on Freedom Swami Satyanandarsquos commentary on TheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliwearetoldthatourldquodesireforliferdquoisldquosustainedbyitsownforcerdquo(1976154)Itisbecauseofanattachmenttoourphysicalbodytheswami says that we cling to life and fear natural processes like disease anddeath Since grief appears as a result of losing those things or personswe areattachedtoTheYogaSutrascanexplaintheintimaterelationshipbetweengriefand suffering I am not suggesting that if we could somehow eliminateattachment our liveswould be problem-free and all sufferingwould end ThefourothercausesareequallypotentandimportantCouldsimplyenvisioningtheeliminationofsufferingbringsomeeasetoourmindsByjustbeingconsciousof the five causes of sufferingwe combat the initial barrier of ignorance thatpreventsusfromknowingourtrueselves
AttachmentItsSpecialRoleforGrievers
ThenegativeimplicationsofattachmentarequitedifficultforushumanstocomprehendWhyisdealingwithattachmentsodifficultWeformattachmentsto perpetuate the comfort and safety we are accustomed to receive from thethings andpersonswe attach toYetwe can never know just how long thosethingsorpersonswillremainFormingattachmentsseemstobeinherentinthehumancondition
Yoga addresses this uncertainty and invokes the universal truth that ldquoAllthings come to an endrdquo This calms the mindrsquos craving for knowledge andprovidesananswertotheyearningquestionmanygrieversaskthemselvesafteralossWhy
When we form attachments we are relying on the permanence of thingsWhenthosethingsvanishtheresultforusisapredictableonewesufferIntheepic Indian tale of the Bhagavad Gita prince Arjuna turns to his charioteerKrishnaforcounselonthebattlefieldWhileseeminglyjustadvisingthewarrioronmilitarystrategyLordKrishnaactuallyimpartsdeepspiritualwisdomtothe
unknowingseekerHeidentifiesattachmentasthebeginningofachainreactionofturbulentemotions
ldquoWhilecontemplatingtheobjectsofthesensesapersondevelops
attachmentforthemandfromsuchattachmentlustdevelopsandfromangerlustarisesrdquo
mdashVerse62(1972122)
ldquoFromangercompletedelusionarisesandfromdelusionbewildermentofmemoryWhenmemoryisbewilderedintelligenceislostandwhenintelligence
islostonefallsdownagainintothematerialpoolrdquo
mdashVerse63(1972123)
This explanation of how attachment manifests in human beings is anillumination from a realized master such as Krishna to the aspiring yogi(Bhaktivedanta 1972) This sage wisdom applies to every one of us who islearningandaspiringhereonEarthFormotherswhoseheightenedattachmentwith their infants is directly connected to the continued survival of theiroffspringenvisioningalifeofnonattachmentseemsnearlyimpossibleFormostofhumanitythatisalsotrueYetyogaoffersuspureknowledgethatappliestolifewithintheframeworkofwhatisfeasibleforeachoneofusYogadoesnotjustrelyonphilosophyhowevertoexplainwhywegrieveitpinpointsgriefinanahatachakraaspecificplaceinthebody
ExploringtheChakrasandHowTheyRelatetoGrief
TheSanskritwordchakra translates toldquowheelrdquo inEnglishThisevokesanimage of swirling energy the stirring of emotional and psychic contents Thesevenchakrasconfigureapathwaymovingfromprimalemotionsandsensations(fearangerdisgust)toloveandcompassionandspiritualconnection
According to yoga philosophy human beings are in a state of continuousevolutionThisevolutionissymbolizedbythespiralingmovementofkundalinian invisible energy that when awakened flows upward from the base of the
spine to the topof thehead (Satyananda1985)During its course this energymakes contact with several psychic centers (chakras) each of which signifiesdifferentstagesinourjourneytowardcompleteselfhoodJohnSelbystatesthateachchakracorrespondstoamajorendocrineglandamainautonomicnerveorgroupofnervesandthefunctionstheyregulatewithinthebodyandaspecificmanifestationoraspectofhumanconsciousness(1992)
The chakra system is a brilliant map for understanding the connectionbetweenmindbodyandspirit Itoffersadiagnostic toolaswell asa fieldofoperation for understanding and managing some of the difficult emotionsinvolved in griefGetting in touchwith these emotions unveils aspects of thepotential life lessons hidden in the symptoms we are experiencingWe beginmakingconnectionsbetweenthesensationswefeel inourbodiesandhowourthinkingisaffectedbysuchsensationsWitnessinghowthethreeessentialpartsofourselvesmdashthementalthephysicalandthespiritualmdashinteractweareabletoseethateachthoughtandemotionhasacorrelatewithinourphysicalbodyThisrecognitionfacilitatesourjourneyofintegrationandevolutionofconsciousness
ROOTCHAKRATHESURVIVOR
Thefirstchakra(mooladhara)islocatedatthepelvicfloorandcorrespondswiththecoccygealplexusofnervesInmenitliesintheperineumbetweentheurinary and excretory openings In women it is situated inside the posteriorsurfaceofthecervix
This chakra relates to our feelings and perceptions and the bodily
mechanisms associatedwith our survival and explains the fear some grievershavewithregardtotheirabilitytocontinuesimplygoingonlivingafteralossIn fact even when we are actually safe and secure there can be underlyingthoughtsandemotionsthatturnonthefight-or-flightresponsewhichproducesan increased heart rate and sweaty palms Because this is a basic ldquosurvivalmoderdquo reaction typicalofhumanbeings it canbe interpretedasa first chakraemanation symbolizing our primary instinct for survival our clinging toexistencewhilefearingnaturalprocesseslikedeath
We recognize how attachment to pleasure-giving sensory objects andaversiontowardexternalsourcesofdispleasurebecomehardwiredWhenfacedwith grief we can understand how oftentimes the griever wishes to join thedeceasedasifhisorherverysurvivalwerelinkedtothecontinuityofthebondBecausegriefcanseduceustomistakenlyidentifythelossofalovedoneasathreattoourexistencetheresultcanbeanaturalinclinationtomergewiththedeceased
Becauseofitsconnectionwiththematerialworldwealsoseeinthischakrathe difficulty grievers typically experience in performing the usual tasks thatensurephysicallifeThefatiguethatmanypeoplefeelduringgriefisalsotypicalofanimbalancein thiscenterThischakra isapotentsourceofallourearthlydesiresandthefeargreedandpossessivenesswemightfeelwhengrievingareassociated with it An example could be wishing to hold on to a deceasedrsquostreasuredobjectsorpossessions
Additionallybecause the firstchakra isassociatedwith thesenseofsmellthe common occurrence of grievers being reminded suddenly of the deceasedbased on encountering a smell associated with that person can be seen asemanatingfromthischakra
SACRALCHAKRATHEBIRTHPLACEOFDESIRE
Thesecondchakra(swadhisthana)isfoundatthebaseofthespineItrelatestothesacralplexusofnervesandsymbolizestheunconsciousItisalsorelatedto our overall emotional awareness and ability to experience our feelingsStronglyconnectedtothesexualorgansandtheirproductsdesiresandcravingstakeondefiniteformanddirectioninthischakraThischakraisalsoassociatedwithmovementespeciallyemotionaltypesofmovementIntermsofgrieftheinvolvementofthischakracanmanifestasalackofsexualdesireorconverselyastrengtheningofsexualappetiteThedifficultysomeexperience inaccessingintimacy or being social with others is a typical characteristic of a disturbed
secondchakraTheassociatedsensewiththischakraistasteSometimesthereisa certain taste some grievers notice along with other more typical symptomssuchasdrymouthanddisruptionsofnormaleatinghabits
NAVALCHAKRAWILLPOWERMADEMANIFEST
Thethirdchakra(manipura)sitsalongthespinalcolumndirectlybehindthenavelItcorrespondstothesolarplexusandphysiologicallyrelatestodigestionassimilationand temperature regulation in thebodyThischakrarepresentsanimportant step in the evolution of consciousness because it connects ourwillpowerwithourdesirespromotingmanifestationonthephysicalplaneThedifficulty inmaking decisions felt bymany grievers is an involvement of thethirdchakraWebecomeconfusedas towhat courseof action isbestbecauseourwillpowerissoprofoundlycompromisedWesometimesresorttotakingnoactionatall lacking themotivationneeded toconfront thefearof thechangeswearefacing
Some individuals throw themselves into work Others place a heightenedemphasis on an exuberant social life after loss to keep away from the painfullack of familiarity with the new unchartered reality The literal translation ofmanipura isldquocityof jewelsrdquoandit refers to thepreciousgemsofactionlyingdormant in this centerwaiting tobeunearthedby thepowerofour consciousintention The associated sense for this chakra is sight and I believe it canexplaincommonexperiencessomebereavedhaveofnotseeingthingsthatareinplainsightmdashforexamplesearchingfranticallyforhousekeysonlytofindthemintheappropriateplace justafewminutes laterornotseeingtheexitsignonthefreewayeventhoughitisthesameexitagrieverhastakenforthepastfiveyearswhen returninghomeEvenldquoseeingrdquo thedeceasedwithin themidst of acrowdonabusystreetcouldberelatedtothethirdchakra
HEARTCHAKRATHEREFUGEOFLOVE
Thefourthchakra(anahata)liesinthevertebralcolumnbehindthebaseoftheheart at the levelof thedepression in the sternum It relates to thecardiacplexusofnerveswhichinfluencesthefunctioningoftheheartandlungsThesearetwokeyareasthatareoftenaffectedbygriefmanifestingasdisruptionsofbothcardiacandbreathingrhythmsTheheartchakracorrespondstothethymusglandwhich relates to immunefunctionDuringbereavement it iscommon toexperienceanexacerbationofpreexistinghealthconditionsoranincreasedriskforsicknessduetoimmunesystemdepressionThischakraisthequintessentialblendingofmatterandSpirittheevolutionaryoasisonourpathtowardspiritual
fulfillmentItiswhereemotionalbondingandattachmentaredevelopedAstheseatofhumanloveitalsorelatestothepowerofloveasahealingforce
ThesenseassociatedwithanahataistouchIngriefthissenseisimportantbecause through touchwe fully experience theabsenceof thatwhichwehavelost Just think of the needmany individuals feel for touch after spousal lossImaginehowliberatingahugcanfeeltofacilitatethepowerfulreleaseofpent-upemotion
THROATCHAKRATHEPOWEROFSOUND
Thefifthchakra(vishuddhi)liesatthelevelofthethroatpitinthevertebralcolumnThischakracorrespondstothecervicalplexusofnervesandrelatestothethyroidglandandalsocertainsystemsofarticulationtheupperpalateandtheepiglottisThe thyroidrsquos involvement iskey ingrief thedisturbanceof theproductionof adrenaline canbe the sourceof feelingsofdepletion aswell asweight gain or loss that cannot be directly attributable to changes in eatinghabitsThiscentercanalsobethesourceforsomeofthehormonalimbalancesandmoodswingsexperiencedwhengrieving
Vishuddhi chakra is known as the purification centerwhere the powers ofcommunicationlieItdealssymbolicallywithsoundandvibrationOftenthosegrieving have difficulty talking about their grief or articulating their feelingsaboutalossTheoverwhelmingneedforsomegrievingindividualstohavetheirstories heard is another indication of this chakrarsquos involvement Because theassociatedsensewiththischakraishearingwecanunderstandtheimportanceofvoicingpainfulaswellasjoyfulmemoriesinthemidstoflossFifth-chakradisturbancescanalsoresultinsorethroatsandpainintheneckandshouldersmdashareasverycommonlyaffectedbygriefThesensationoffeelingchokedcanbeassociatedwiththischakraaswell
THIRD-EYECHAKRAWISDOMFOUNDWITHIN
The sixth chakra (ajna) lies in themidline of the brain directly above thespinal columnandcorrespondswith thepinealglandThischakracontrols themuscles and theonset of sexual activity inhumans It has control over all thefunctionsofthebodyItisthechakraofpuremindrepresentingahigherlevelofawarenessItisusuallycalledtheldquothirdeyerdquoanditissaidthatwhereasthetwophysicaleyes lookoutward the thirdeye looks inward In thatsense it revealsthe intuitive knowledge independent from the information supplied by thesenses
Ajnaisthewitnessingcenterwhereonebecomesthedetachedobserverofallevents including those within the body and the mind Sleep disorders are atypicalinvolvementofthischakrabecauseofitsrelationshiptothepinealglandand its main biochemical product melatonin Because of its connection withinner vision we might experience broader issues related to our perceptionfinding difficulty in seeing the road ahead Other common symptoms includecoordinationproblemssuchasaccidentallybumpingintothefurniture
On a positive note this chakra serves as a reminder that it is by lookingwithin that we find the source of all the feelings and thoughts that come upduringtheupheavalcreatedbylossBywitnessingtheendlessfluctuationsandchangeswithinourownmindswecanapproachstillnessInessencewhileourmindsstruggletounderstandourlossesourSpiritsknowandarereadytoacceptthem as a part of the normal cycle of life and existence The source of theknowledge thatwecanapply toprocessgriefcomesfromourconnectionwiththe intuitivewisdom the Spirit has rather than the acquired knowledge of thedualisticmindItisbecauseofthisdualisticaspectofthemindwhichisunableto recognize the night if it does not know the day that we cling to thepermanence of things attempting to ensure the continuance of the treasuredconnectionsThemindstrugglestounderstandthateventhoughalovedonemaybeabsentheorsheisstillpresentandinterwoveninthefabricofouridentity
CROWNCHAKRAWITNESSTOAGREATERREALITY
The seventh chakra (sahasrara) is the culmination of the kundalinirsquosenergeticpathwayseenastheseatofhigherawarenessItissituatedatthetopof the head and is physically correlated to the pituitary gland called theldquocommandcenterrdquowhichregulatestheentireendocrinesystemOnasymboliclevel it is in thischakrawhere thedualmindis transcendedandweenter intoperfectconsciousharmonywiththeonenessoftheuniverseWhenthischakraisout of balance during bereavement it results in depression alienation andconfusionThischakraalsorelatestothechallengesthatgriefimposesononersquosownspiritualbeliefs
BodyArmorADifferentTakeontheChakras
Thechakrasystemidentifiesspecificlocationsinthebodyandrelatesthemwith different types of emotions Wilhelm Reich the famous Austrianpsychoanalystcameupwithasimilarnotionwhenhedescribedhisconceptof
ldquobodyarmorrdquoheanalyzedhowmentalconflictsareexpressedinthebodyoftenthroughmuscularornervoustensionandhowthismechanismcouldbeintendedto protect the consciousness from accessing psychic content associated withtheseareas(1949)
EssentiallyReichrsquosviewis thatweshieldourselveswith thestiffarmorofmuscular tensionandassociatedbody language toavoidexperiencingnegativefeelingsThefieldsofpsychosomaticmedicineandsomaticpsychotherapyhavefurtherdeepenedthestudyof thesemechanismsandfoundrevealingcorrelatesbetweendiseaseprocessesandwhatanindividualisgoingthroughinhisorheremotional and psychic life For example when an individual is dealing withboundaryissuesheorshemightdevelopaskinconditionWhensomeonefindsit intolerable toexamineonersquos realityeyeproblemsmightdevelopOfcoursenothing is quite as simple as the examplesgivenyet the relationshipbetweenourmindsandourbodiesisundeniable
Whenconsideringthewidevarietyofsymptomsfoundingrief itbecomesevidentthatgriefaffectsthewholebeingUnderstandingthesignificanceofthechakrasinourphysicalbodiesandhowtheyrelatetoouroverallexperienceiskeyinourthinkingaboutgriefwhenpracticingBylearningthedifferentrolesthat the chakras play in our bodies and how they affect us emotionally theeffects of our yoga practice are deepened Exploring our knowledge of thechakrasystemleadstoanefficientandhelpfulwaytounderstandthemind-bodyconnectionanditsrelationshiptothevaryingsymptomsofgrief
TheHeartChakraAStartingPointforGrief
Although all chakras are involved during the grieving process the heartchakraistheprimaryonewhentalkingaboutgriefBecauseemotionalbondingdevelopsthereanahata isanessentialchakratoaddresswhenbuildingayogapracticeforaddressingthesymptomsandconsideringthenatureofthegrievingprocess It is thebridgebetween the lowerchakrasand thehigherones In thewords of John Selby ldquo[B]elow the heart chakra lies the world of matter ofsurvivalandprocreationofmanipulationandmasteryoverthephysicalrealmsof life Above lies the world of Spirit of pure thought and intuition ofinterpersonalcommunicationandultimatelyuniversalunityandtranscendenceTheheartchakrainitsmostbasicsenseisthemarriageofmatterandspiritofconcrete and abstract of knowledge andwisdomof earth andheavenrdquo (1992147) It represents a specifically human kind of evolution the growth of
humanityoutofdepthsoflowerordersandemotionsAs theseatof love thischakra iswhereour truechallenge lieswhen loss
occurswemustgothroughthedifficulttransitionfromldquolovinginpresencerdquotoldquolovinginabsencerdquoWecanskillfullyaskourselvesaboutthelosswearefacingIsourgriefaconsequenceofpureloveorpureattachmentItmaybeinterestingto notice the overlapping of these closely related emotions but according toyogathereisindeedadifferenceAsitissaidinyogaldquoLoveiswhatrsquosleftafteryoursquove let go of everything you loverdquo In this sense attachment can be seenpracticallyastheoppositeofloveaconceptthatmanifestsinsuchphrasesasldquoIfyoulovesomethingletitgordquo
YogarsquosquestforunconditionallovealsopertainstotheideathatlovingwiththeconditionofpresenceisnotrealloveldquoIloveyouaslongasyouarearoundrdquoisaratherlimitingconceptonethatdoesnothonortheexpansivenessofloveItis yet another example of the dualistic mind that validates reality based onphysicalpresenceWhatwecannotseewhatwecannottouchwetendtotreatas nonexistent To accept that love continues despite the absence of ourattachmentwemust transcenddualistic thinkingandembrace the inevitabilityofchange
Practicing yoga helps us to better understand this duality of love andattachment By developing a deeper awareness of and working on our heartchakraandthephysicalsensationsandfunctionsassociatedwithitanindividualcan experience enlightening expansion resulting in profound healingWe gainthe ability to synthesize our physical mental and spiritual awareness into apractice that acknowledges both the relocation of the deceased and onersquos owncontinuedpresenceon thisplaneofexistenceWhatbetterwaytohonora lostlovedone
GriefrsquosChallengetoSpiritualityldquoNot yet settled in a permanent home the soul takes temporary shelter in abodyrdquo says Kural 340 (Subramuniyaswami 1999 136) Ultimately thedifferencebetween traditionalpsychotherapyrsquos treatmentof thegrieverand theyogicviewisthespecialattentionyogagivestotheSpiritThesolutionforallcausesofsufferingofferedinTheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliistoreducethemtotheir source and deal with the resistance of the mind through meditation(Satyananda1976)Someofthespiritualsymptomsassociatedwithgriefcanbeseeninthefollowingtable
SPIRITUALSYMPTOMSOFGRIEF
FeelingangryatGod
AskingquestionsaboutGodlikeWhywouldGodallowthis
Asking questions about death and the deceased such asWhere is shenow Is he okay Can she see meWill I see him againWhat willhappenwhenIdie
Sensingthedeceasedrsquospresence
Hearingsmellingorseeingthedeceased
Havingdeathaffirmorchallengebeliefs
Experiencingawewondermystery
Reflectingonpersonalfinitude
Feelingtheneedtocontinuearelationshipwiththedeceased
Table5Spiritualsymptomsofgrief
ForsomegrieverslosscausesasplitfromspiritualityDoubtssurfaceabout
how life can continue in any meaningful way after someone dies Godrsquosgoodness is questionedwhen a child is killed People often feel anger towardGodwhenthelosstheyaregoingthroughseemssenselessorunfairForothersa similar loss can actually be a creative spark to onersquos individual spiritualjourney igniting a flame that yearns to connect with their untapped SpiritInquirymightresultinfindingnewanswersorindiscardingtheoldones
Especially in the case of death the losseswewitness force us to face ourownmortalityWeanalyzeandquestion thenatureof therelationshipwehavewith our own Spirit Impermanence as we know it forces us to question ourbeliefstoinquireaboutthemeaningoflifeandtowonderabouttheunknownYogadrawsinspirationfromthistypeofself-inquiryIfinfactasyogateachesuswe have everythingwe need for a good life then goingwithin seems therightdirectiontotakeSearchingfortheSpiritwithinthenbecomesarefugeavalidplaceforunderstandingandcreatingmeaningoutofloss
LoveBeyondAttachmentGrief and suffering are intrinsically intertwinedTherefore yoga as a spiritualdisciplineisanaturalfitasausefulsystemtoaddressgriefGriefrsquosrelationshiptoattachmentdepicts thenormalreaction tooneof thefiveessentialcausesofsufferingasstatedbythesagePatanjaliestablishinghowloveisdifferentfromalmostopposite to attachmentPlacedemotionallyandphysically inourheartchakra love is the positive expression of the chakra and attachment is thenegativeone
IntheWesternviewattachmentequalsloveandisalmostapreconditionforsurvivalBased on this leaders in the field of griefwork find that one of thegoalsofgriefcounselingand therapy is todevelopnewhealthierattachmentsAccordingtotheteachingsofyogathiscourseofactionleadstomoresufferingand actually undermines the transformative potential of our own grievingprocessByaccepting theultimate truths that theuniverse isbasedonandbyrelyingontheimpermanenceofourobjectsofattachmentwecandeveloptrueand enduring love that transcends the limitations of the physical placing lovebeyondattachmentOnly thendoweget in touchwithour trueessencemdashonlythenratherthanendingourjourneybeginshellip
ldquoThesoulrsquosattachmenttothebodyislikethatofafledglingwhichforsakes
itsemptyshellandfliesawayrdquo
mdashKural338(Subramuniyaswami1999136)
Any valid practical model destined to help those who are grieving mustinclude the spiritual challenges that grief presents It must also deal with thewaysinwhichthebodyexpressesgriefandthemindacknowledgestheresultingsuffering
The following chapter demonstrates my contribution to assist grievingindividualswith the complexities that grief entailsOutof necessitywebeginthe journeyofpracticebymeetinganydifficultieswith the forcesofwillTheresults of the practice itself and the wisdom one receives from thistransformativeendeavorwillbothamazeandinspireyou
Chapter3
HowtheYogaforGriefReliefPracticeWorks
Regardless of which worldviewmdashWestern or Easternmdashsuits you best it isimportant to remember that you must meet yourself where you are In thischapter I offer insights related to the purposeof each categoryof exercises inrelation to grief so that you can better understand how to address your needsBeforethatbeginsletrsquostakealookatanimportantprinciplethatappliestoyogaingeneralThetoolisneverasimportantastheonewhoiswieldingit
A piece of information an exercise or a technique is only useful if theoperatoriscautiousrespectfulcapableandconsciousWhetheryoupreferthepsychology-based approach of the Western model or the more spiritualunderstandingofEasternphilosophywhatrsquosmost important is toidentifywhatyouwanttodowithyourgriefbypracticingyogaThetoolsthatyouareabouttoreceivewillhelpaidyouinyourpursuit
Hereisametaphorthatmayhelpyoutounderstandthepowerofawarenesslocatedwithin yourself as you begin the practiceThe blacksmith can alwaysforge himself a new hammer but the hammer cannot make itself a newblacksmith In other words you will see that the process of reidentificationsproutsfromthesorrowfulseedsthatlieamidyourowngrief
As you start tomove through the pain of loss ask yourself how youwillapproachandengage in theyogapracticeWhatwouldyou like toaccomplishwith it As you incorporate various techniques to help cope with differentsymptoms encountered in your grief you will notice changes in your bodymind and emotionsYour experience each timeyoupracticemaybeuniquelydistinctchangingdependingonthedayyourmoodyourphysicalstateoryourlife circumstances Sometimes doing the same yoga technique in themorninginstead of in the evening might reveal distinct information and produce verydifferenteffectsonthepractitionerAsyoureadthischapterkeepinmindthattheintentionofthepracticeistocontactthatpartofyourselfthatknowsnolossSome call it the observer the higher self or the true witness of all yourexperiences
HowThisPracticeWasBorn
When I originally created this practice for transforming grief a suitablesequence of techniquesmdashthe best possible information to serve grievingindividualsmdashcamepouringfromwithinmewithuncannyeaseIcanonlyrefertothisexperienceasanactofpureyogicinspirationForyearsIfeltshyaboutsharingthewayinwhichthispracticecametolifeDespitemystrongsenseofits therapeutic effectiveness I feared peoplewould underestimate the value ofthesequencebecauseithadnotrequiredmonthsofstruggleelaboratestudyordemanding intellectual focus Experiencing this spontaneous reception ofaccurateandappropriateinformationproducedinthedepthofmybeinggavemehumility and awe Even personally knowing the magic of yoga I still feltawkward about the easewithwhich this perfectly applicable sadhana showeditselfunveilingtomethetoolstoworkwiththebereaved
Sincethatextraordinarymomentbackin1994Ihavepersonallywitnessedthe power of Yoga for Grief Relief at work Whether in clinical or informalsettingsgrouporprivatesessionsprofessionaltrainingsorpersonalretreatsthetransformationalpowerofthissadhanacontinuestoamazeme
Incidentally it was much later that I was able to identify that preciousmissingelement inmyawarenessyoga iswithineachoneofusalreadyThisknowledge often manifests as intuition that influences our creativity and allaspectsofourlivesInitiallymyinsightsaboutthebodyrsquosinherentinvolvementinthegrievingprocesscamefrommyownexperienceIwitnessedhowmybodyexpressedwhatmymind could not accept regarding the death ofmy belovedmother
When shedied Iwasayoungmanadamantly refusing toacceptherdeathandthepainthatresultedfromitInsteadIcameupwithmultipleexcusesforescaping my present reality cleverly supporting my behavioral choices withthoughtsthatseemedtoworkItoldmyselfthatmymomdidnotbringmeuptobeasadcreaturemourningherdeathineverycornerofourhouseSoIbusiedmyselfwithstudyinganddistractedmyselfwithtripstothebeachIlookedforexcitementdancingallnightlongdrinkingandhavingablast
Two years after her death the denial of the impact and the tearing ofmyheartmanifestedphysicallyasabonespurrightinthecenterofmychestwhereone of my ribs meets the breastbone It resembled calcifications that areproduced internally after a fractureorchestratedby thebody to strengthen theskeletalsystemYesIhadabrokenheartandmybodyshowedthattome
When the Yoga for Grief Relief practice assumed its full form it wasembracedbypractitionersasausefulsetoftoolsaffirmingtheeffectivenessand
perfectionofengagingancientyogatoaddressthevarioussymptomsofmodern-daygriefAsIcarefullybuilttheYogaforGriefReliefprogramIfirstincludedexercises that I thoughtwould take careof themoreobviousbodily effectsofgriefNextIaddressedtheproblemofperceptionsofthebereavedmindinordertoeffectchange in theneuroendocrinesystemFinally Isought tohelppeoplechangetheirperceptionofthelossandredefinethemselvesbasedonanewfoundself-awareness
TheActivePrinciplesofthePracticeYogaoffers techniques toenhanceourawarenessof the inherentvibrantunityamong body mind and spirit For the body yoga offers asanas or physicalmovementsthatimprovevitalfunctionsandenhanceemotionalawarenessForthemindyogausespranayamaorbreathworkBecausethequalityandrhythmof our breathing changes as we experience different thoughts and emotionsactivelyworkingwithourbreathingpatternscanbeausefulwaytoaddressthementalsymptomsencounteredingriefFinallyyogaoffersmeditationtoaddressthe Spirit since once the body is still and themind entertained thatwhich isneithermindnorbodycanmorefullymanifest
The yoga system is precise in how it prescribes exercises for specificsymptomsmuchlikeWesternmedicinedoesyetitisuniqueinacknowledgingthat each exercise addresses the full being The six significant categories thathelpustomovethroughthegrievingprocessarebreathworkbodymovementscleansingtechniquesrelaxationmindreprogrammingandmeditation
PranayamaIntroducingLifeControlThroughBreathWork
Pranayamainvolvesworkingdirectlywithourmostabundantlife-bestowingenergy our breath (prana) These exercises restore our sense of control byconnecting us to our innermost vitalitywhich easily falls out of balance afterlossConsciouslyworkingwithourbreathhelpstoreestablishbalanceandcopewith the fearsome loss of control that grief often presents It also helps us toacquaintourselveswithourmindsmoreintimatelytoobservethewaysinwhichweprocessouremotionsBasedonthisobservationwecandecidewhichtoolsweneedtousetoactivateourenergywhenfeelingdepletedortorelaxandfeelcalmwhenfeelinganxious
Because breathing is automatic and normally performed unconsciously
working consciously with the breath helps us to bridge the gap betweenconsciousandunconsciousEach timeweengage thebreath thiswaywehelpunite the intentional conscious mind and the more hidden unconscious mindallowingustofocusonthoseaspectsthatremainintheshadowycornersofourawareness
It is impossible to change thatwhichwe donrsquot knowor acknowledgeWeneed to recognize the existence of somethingbeforewe can transform it It isthroughourbreathawarenessthatweanchorourauthenticexperiencebringingattention to life in the present moment Our challenge is acknowledging theactual moment as is rather than what we think about it the intention is toactuallyexperienceandviewtheconcreterealityofthemoment
InUruguaywhereIwasbornthereisapopularsayingldquoAlifeistowriteabook to plant a tree and to bring up a childrdquoMy spiritualmasterMaharajiPremPalSinghRawatgivesitabeautiful twistsayingldquoLifeisonebreathinandonebreathoutnomorenolessSoactuallywritingabookplantingatreeorbringingupachildarelsquostoriesrsquoofliferdquo(1990)Givingpresencetoourbreathwegivepresencetoourlifeaswell
ThetediousnatureofthebereavementprocessdemandsoratleastrequestspatienceandawarenesssomethingconsciousbreathingdevelopsAfterallitisnotpossibletotakethenextbreathbeforethepresentoneiscompletethisistheonlywayinwhichlifecanhappenjustonebreathatatime
AsanaToolsforTransformingtheBody
Specificphysicalposesalterthesymptomsofgriefbyaddressingpainlackofenergyandvariousstructuralmalformationsourbodiescancontortintosuchashunchedbacksorcaved-inchestsThesetoolsforsomatictransformationcanbeputintopracticetopromotemovementofthephysicalandpsychiccontentsin the body Essentially any symptom whether psychological or physicalindicatesablockageofenergyresultinginthedisruptionofthenaturalbalanceofourhealthBypromotingthemovementofenergyweallowthelifeforcetoflowtothoseplacesin thebodythatneedit themostWealsobringthelatentcontentsofourmindstothesurfaceofconsciousnessmakingthemavailabletowitnessexploreandultimatelytransform
Our bodies are profoundly involved in the grieving process and infinitelywiserthanourmindsTappingintothebodyrsquoswisdomthroughmovementwhilemonitoring our intensified sensations and feelings gives us a much-needed
awarenessoftheconnectionofbodyandmindIntentionallyengagingourbodyin thesepractices is essential for our continuedoptimalhealth andwell-beingEstablishingtheconnectionmentallyandphysicallyallowsthemindtousethebodyasananchorduringtimesofunrest
Whenfacedwithanexperiencethatweperceiveas threateningwetendtoshield ourselveswith emotional armor built from previous pain and sufferingHabituallycuttingofftheflowofourlifeforcetoavoidcontactwithunpleasantfeelings literallypreventsus fromprocessing thepainofour emotionsLikeahouseofcardsbuiltonillusionthischaradedepletesourresourcesanddistractsusfromthetaskofworkingwithourauthenticfeelings
Performing these asanas challenges the holdings of the bodyrsquos armor (seeldquoBodyArmorADifferent Take on theChakrasrdquo in chapter 2) and helps thenatural energy hubs (chakras) connect enhancing the continuous flow ofconsciousness By stirring up the emotional and psychic contents held in themusclememorywe can connectwith our story throughour bodyrsquos display ofbothstrengthandweakness
As you will find many of the asanas presented here support the bodyrsquosvigorouschallengetofacethesymptomsofgriefYogicactionisgreatlyvaluedand especially effective in transforming griefAmong themanyother benefitsyoga offers choosing specific postures helps the body release some of theunwantedgrief-inducedchemicalspresentinthebloodstream
ShatkarmaACleansingTechniquefortheMind
Shatkarmaisagroupofyogiccleansingtechniquesusedtoreleaseemotionsthoughtsorphysicalexperiencestrappedinthebody-mindThisprocesscanbelikened to cleaning the surface of a crystal First it allows us to dealwith thegrime then it addresseswhat lies below and finally it encounters the pristineclarityofthecrystalundisturbedbywhatcloudedit
Intheparticularcaseofdealingwithgriefbeliefsystemsworldviewsandpreexistingmentalprogrammingusuallycloudourability toperceiveourgriefasnormalThetoxicbyproductsofstressthedebilitatingactionontheimmunesystem and the neurologically induced negative anticipatory thinking can andmustbetransformedsowecanstarttofeelbetteranddiligentlyandpurposefullyaccessthehiddengemfoundwithingrief
RelaxationCombatingStress
Relaxing practices such asanga shaithilya or self-relaxation are vital fordiminishing stress levels that areusuallyheightenedduringgriefAdjusting toournewundefinedrealityoften involves learningnewcopingskillsForsomeof us that alone can increase stress Relaxation is a potent normalizer andantidotetodealwiththeresultingsymptomsofbothsomaticallyexpressedstressandmentalanguishAngashaithilyaalsohelpsregulatedisturbedvitalfunctionssuch as breathing and cardiac rhythms sleep cycles and eating habitsRelaxation is also fundamental in helping the body achieve homeostasisbalancing blood-pressure levels and resetting the overall endocrine systemwhich in turnhelps to reduceourdramaticmoodswingsandgeneral stateofirritability
SankalpaResettingtheMind
OneofthemosteffectivementalreprogrammingtechniquesyogapossessesisSankalpa thepowerfulyogicprinciple referred toasldquoResolverdquoSettingourintentionorsayingaprayeroftenoutloudcanhelpresetthebrainandfocusthemind The application for grief in particular helps address the scattered andshatteredlinearthinkingthat issocharacteristicofgriefByfocusingthemindand identifying the present situation grieving individuals can clarify whatspecificchanges they intend toaccomplishThis tool is simplycalledResolveanditsurelyldquoresolvesrdquoThispracticeengagesourfullpresenceindicatingthatone is resolved to take the next step Resolve combats negative anticipatorythinking that stems from grief-induced disturbances of the limbic system Itaccomplishesthisbyformulatingintentionsonlyinthepresenttenseproducingpositive mental alignment and offering a powerful antidote for fear-basedruminations
MeditationTheChiefTechniquetoAddresstheSpirit
Many people think meditation involves stopping the mind Due to thiserroneousmisconceptionmanyfrustratedandconfusedseekerschoosetototallydiscard meditation In truth the attempt to stop the mind is futile since itcontradictsthemindrsquosinherentfunctioningwhichconstantlyshiftsfromthepast
tothefuturefromtherealtothefantasizedRatherthanattemptingtostopthemindmeditationofferstheever-changingmindalimitedrangeofchangemdashforexamplegoingfromchantingoneomtoanotherormovingfromonerepetitionoftheRosarytoanotheroneThisinturncomfortablydistractsthemindduetoanaturalfeatureofthebrainthatmaskspermanentstimuli
TobetterunderstandthismaskingfeatureimaginesomeonewhomovestoanewhomeinfrontofrailroadtracksandhearseachandeverypassingtrainAfewmonthslaterwhileentertainingathomeadinnerguestexpressesprofoundconcernabouttheintensenoiseldquoWowthesetrainsmustdriveyoucrazyrdquoThehostqueriesunthinkinglyldquoWhattrainsrdquo
HowthePracticeFunctionsasaWholeThe sadhana that Irsquove developed follows its own inherent rhythm leading usthroughprogressivesteps for transforminggriefFirst ithelpsusprepare tobepresentforthefullpaletteofourfeelingsthenitpromotestheproperflowoflifeforcecreatingoptimalconditionsforhealingNext itstirs theemotionalheartdeepeningourconnectionwithouremotionsandthenitprovidesanoutletforthe ones we want to release Subsequently it offers some control over theemotionalrollercoasterofgriefsothatbalancecanthenbeachievedThroughrelaxation thedeep releaseof internalandexternal stressors follows readyingthemindtoaccessnewprogrammingWethenhaveamoredirectunobstructedpathwaytothedepthofourSpiritforcreativelyredefiningournewidentity
OvercomingBarrierstoPractice
ThesadhanapresentedinthisbookisapracticeThereforeitrequiresyourcommitment to practice for you to reap the desired benefits This may seemobvious toyouyet that isnot so formanypeopleSomehope thatby simplyreadingthismaterialtheirsymptomswillspontaneouslyabateOthersalthoughencouragedby the results seenafter just a few initial rounds simplywill stoppracticebecausetheydonothavethewillorstrengthwithintocontinueSomereport that they donrsquot practice because of lack of appropriate support othersbecausetheyarewaitingforthemostidealconditionsthatneverseemtoshowupAlloftheseareexcusesthatcanandmustberesolved
SuccessinyogaandtheabilitytomanifestthebestpossiblelifeisbasedontwocoreprinciplespracticeandnonattachmentWorkingonnonattachment is
byfarmoredifficultthanworkingonestablishingapracticeEspeciallyduringexcruciatingly difficultmoments of bereavement the grievingmindmaywellresisttalkingaboutorconfrontingtheconceptofnonattachment
Asstatedinchapter1weonlygrievethelossofthatwhichweareattachedto This statement depicts exactly how grief and attachment are intrinsicallyintertwined
Eachpartofthesadhanaservestheoverallgoaloftransformingthecomplexexperience of grief by promoting body mind and spirit integration andrejuvenation
To accommodate the emotional waves and inherent fluctuations in thebereavementprocessIsuggestmaintaininganattitudeofdetachmenttowardtheimmediateresultsofpracticeSomedaysyourpracticewillbeintenseonothersitmaybemilderSomedaysyouwill feel content after practicing other daysyourpracticemighttakeyoutoplacesthatfeellessthansatisfyingThedeeperbenefitswill comeas a result of establishing a regular practiceKeep inmindthatinthebest-casescenarioaseriousdedicatedpracticecanactuallyleadonetononattachment
In the following chapter I will demonstrate how to do the practicesthemselveshoweachpracticehelpsusandhowtoestablishthebestlogisticstoensureasuccessfulpractice
Chapter4
WhatYouCanDoTheYogaPractice
This chapter features the sadhana a sequence of exercises presented in asimplewayandaspecificorderbestsuitedtoaidinyourgrievingprocessThepreviouschaptersharedinformationexplainingthegeneraleffectsofeachgroupof exercises This chapter explains how each technique specifically addressesgriefandhow topracticeeachoneby followingstep-by-step instructionsThechapter that follows this one will help you discern how and when to use theexercisesandifneedbehowtoadaptthemaccordingtoyourpersonalabilitiesand needsYoumay benefit from familiarizing yourselfwith both chapters asyou embark on your practice alternating between the two while learning thetechniquesandplanninghowtointegratethemintoyourlife
Hereisanat-a-glancelistofthesadhanaexercises(alongwiththeirSanskritnames)intheorderIproposetheybepracticedin
YogaforGriefReliefSadhana
Pranayama
CompleteBreathing(MahatYogaPranayama)
Asana
EnergyFlowSeries(Pawanmuktasana1)
Windmill(VayuChakramAsana)
AttitudeofDischarging(UtthitaLolasana)
Shatkarma
ConcentratedGazing(Tratak)
Pranayama
Alternate-NostrilBreathing(NadiShodhanaPranayama)
Relax
Self-RelaxationTechnique(AngaShaithilya)
MentalReprogramming
Resolve(Sankalpa)
Meditation
BreathMeditation
AcceptingLifeFully
ldquoLifeisonebreathinandonebreathouthelliprdquo
mdashPremPalSinghRawat
PracticingCompleteBreathingallowsyoutogetintouchwiththequintessentialmovementinyourlifeonebreathinandonebreathoutDuringbereavementthemindisconfusedinitsattempttograspanewrealityandtendstoruminateonthepastoranticipateanegativefutureSinceneitherof these tendenciesallowyoutoinhabitthepresentmdashtheonlyplacetoreallybemdashitisimportanttobringawarenesstowhatlifeisreallylikeinthemomentThisexercisecalmsthemindwhilethebodybenefitsfromreceivingaproperintakeofoxygenwhichhelpstoalleviatetheshortnessofbreathcommonlypresentwhengrieving
CompleteBreathing(MahatYogaPranayama)
Prior toactuallypracticingCompleteBreathing letrsquos takea lookatapreparatoryexercisethatwillhelpyoubetteridentifythethreepartsinvolvedinthetechnique
PreparationforCompleteBreathing
1 Lieonyourbackfindacomfortablepositionandplaceyourarmsatyoursideswithpalmsfacingup
2 ConnectwithyourbreathandobservethebreathrsquosnaturalrhythmObservetheinvolvementofyourbellyribsandchestinyourbreath
3 BringyourrighthandtothelowerbellykeepingtheelbowonthefloorBringthelefthandontoyourchestInhalebringingairmostlytothebellyExhalesoftlycontractingthebellyContinuetobreathethiswayforafewroundsNotethatatthistimethereshouldbenomovementofyourlefthandorintheribcageareaWitnesstherighthandmovingupanddownwhiletheleftremainsstill
4 Nowmovebothhandstotheribcageplacingthethumbatthebackoftheribscloseto
thespineandyourfingersinfrontMakesurethattheinneredgeofthehands(thumbtothetipoftheindexfinger)followsthecurveofyourribsRestthetipoftheindexfingerasclosetothefrontpartoftheribsasyoucanInhaleallowingtheribstoexpandExhaleallowingtheribstocomebacktowardthecenterofyourbodyastheycontractCompresstheribsslightlytowardthecenterofthebodywithyourhandsattheendoftheexhalationContinuetobreathethiswayforafewroundsNotethatthechestandbellyshouldexperiencelittlemovementatthistime
5 PlaceyourhandsbackatyoursidesforamomentbeforebringingthemtotheirpreviouspositionlefthandatthechestrighthandatthelowerbellyInhaleallowingthechesttofillupNoticethecollarbonesmovingtowardthejawboneThenexhaleallowingthechesttosoftlycontractasitreturnstotheoriginalpositionContinuetobreathethiswayforafewroundsAtthistimethereshouldbenomovementofthebellytherighthandortheribcagearea
Now that each phase of breathing has been broken down for you bring it together insequenceasCompleteBreathing
CompleteBreathing
1 Inhaleslowlyexpandingyourabdomen
2 Thenfullyexpandyourribs
3 Thenexpandthechestoutwardandupward
4 Exhalerelaxingfirsttheabdomenthentheribsandthenthechestfirstdownwardandtheninward
5 PracticecontinuousinhalationsandexhalationsTheremaybeatendencytoallowthebellytofallwhilebringingairintothechestDoyourbesttokeepthebellyfullduringinhalationandasyoucontinuetoengagetheremainingparts
Suggestedtime5minutes
Benefits
Itmaximizesyourinhalationsandexhalations
Ithelpsyougaincontrolofthebreathcorrectsalteredbreathingpatternsandincreasesoxygenintake
Itbringsawarenesstotheareawherethemainchakrasarelocatedthereforeenhancingconsciousconnectionwithrelatedthoughtsandsensations
Itservesasasymbolicacceptanceofthetotalityofthegrievingprocess
Ithelpspromoteapsychologicalsensationofgreatercontroloverlife
Precautions
Thewholeprocessshouldbeonecontinuousmovement
Eachphaseofbreathingmovesintothenextwithoutanyobvioustransitionpoint
Ifexperiencinglowerbackpainplaceacushionorothersupportunderyourknees
Contraindications
None
On a psychosomatic level by engaging your abdominal muscles duringCompleteBreathing you can connectwith gut feelings such as anger fear orguiltRawfeelingsexperiencedbytheheartoftenencounterresistancefromthemindThere isa reasonwhymanypeople refer to feelinganxiousashavingaknotintheirstomach
TheintercostalmusclesholdtheribstogetherandrelatetosafetyTheyarethemusclesthathelpprotectourpreciousvitalorgansItiscommontoseetherib cage locked in defensewith frightened and abused individualsBy tensingthe intercostals an individual attempts to re-create a sense of security that isbeing threatened Asking yourself questions to identify the threatmdashldquoWhat isthreateningmeHowcanImaintainasenseofsecurityWhatmightIneedtodordquomdashcanskillfullyelicitmuch-neededintrospectionAllowingtheribcagetoexpandissymbolicofyourintentiontobeflexibleregardingsafety
ThepectoralbreathrelatestoemotionsoryourelaboratedgutfeelingsMostofusfirstfilterourgutfeelingsthroughtheparametersofwhatweconsidersafethen transform them into complex emotions including other aspects related toourbeliefsystemsintellectualconsiderationslearneddefensemechanismsandmore
ldquoThewayinwhichyoubreatheisametaphorforthewayinwhichyouareliving your lifeAre you taking little sips of breath as though you donrsquot havepermission to takeupmuchspaceon theplanetrdquoasksAmyWeintraub(2004125)YourpracticeofCompleteBreathingissymbolicofyourcommitmenttoafullbreathandafulllifeThereforeyouareabletotrulyinhabitthepresentanddealwiththefeelingsthatgriefstirsupYoumightnotlikethesefeelingsyetitisnecessarytobepresentforthemiftheintentionistomovethroughthegriefprocess in a healthy way By exhaling fully you are also committing tocompletelylettinggoofwhatnolongerservesyoumdashperhapsagoodtrade-off
SomepeopleknowadifferentwayofpracticingthistechniquecalledDurgausingbellyribsandchesttoinhalebutexhalingusingchestfirstthenribsandbelly last I propose using belly ribs then chest for both inhalation andexhalation because it facilitates filling and also emptying the lungs mostefficiently Imagine one of those tubes of frosting with a metal tip used fordecoratingcakesIfyoureallywanttoemptyityoumustfirstpressthebottomthen the middle and last the tip The same applies to the lungs which arebasicallytwotriangleswiththebasefacingtowardthebottomofthetorsoThelungsemptymostcompletelywhen lowering thebelly first then theribs thenthechestThisactionalsoallowsforastrongerinhalationaftereachexhalationbecause nothing can be filled up completely if it has not been previously
emptiedAfter you havemastered the use of the three areas involved in this breath
workpleasepracticeCompleteBreathingusingyourpersonalbreathingrhythmPracticingbreathinginthewayIrsquoveindicatedcanbesymbolicallyusedasasignofyourwillingness toembrace thefullnessofyourgrievingprocessOnce thebreath is made conscious and its use enhanced by the practice of CompleteBreathingthenwecanattempttocontroltheflowoflifeforce
UnblockingtheFlowoftheLifeForceThisasanaseriesisamasterpieceofyogamdashatruegemmdashthoughperhapsduetoits simplicity deceptive power and gentle efficiency it is not alwaysacknowledged as such Unblocking the life forcersquos flow is essential whenattemptingtoregainhealthandpromotechangeThewordpawanmeansldquodivinewindrdquo and relates to the life force that comes with the breathmukta meansldquoreleaserdquo and asana means ldquoposerdquo Therefore pawanmuktasana translates toposes that removeblockages thatprevent thefree flowofenergy inbothbodyandmind This technique should be practiced from beginning to end withoutskippinganypart
EnergyFlowSeries(Pawanmuktasana1)
Sitwithyourlegsstraightandyourhandsbehindyourbodyfingerspointingawayfromyourtoes
ToeBending
1 Bringawarenesstoyourtoes
2 Nowrollthetoesforwardthenback
3 Keepyourawarenessonyourtoes
AnkleBending
1 Separateyourlegsslightlysothatwhenyouperformanklerotationsyourfeetdonottouch
2 Bringawarenesstoyourankles
3 RotateyouranklesinoppositedirectionskeepingthetoesrelaxedMakeaswidearotationasyoucomfortablycan
4 Nowreversedirections
KneeBending
1 Bringawarenesstoyourknees
2 Liedownonyourbackwithyourhandsunderthesacrumpalmsfacingdownandthesolesofyourfeetonthefloorkneesbent
3 Straightenyourrightlegupfully
4 Letthecalffallbendingattheknee
5 Nowswitchlegsandrepeat
6 Onceyouhavecycledthroughbothlegsstretchyourlegsoutfullyonthefloorremovingyourhandsfromunderthesacrumandlyingflatcontinuetobeawareofyourknees
HipRotation
1 Bringyourawarenesstothehips
2 Lifttherightlegslightlyoffthefloor
3 CrosstherightleglowovertheleftlegtowardyourleftarmkeepingthekneestraightKeepyourgluteusmusclesbackandshouldersflatonthefloortoavoidtwistingyourwaist
4 Bendtherightkneebringingittowardyourface
5 Opentherightlegouttotherightandstraightentheknee
6 Bringtherightlegtowardtheleftleg
7 Continuewiththerotationmakinganotherlargecircle
8 Repeatthecyclewiththesamelegbutrotateintheoppositedirection
9 Repeatwiththeleftleg
SpinalTwistProstrationPose
1 Bringyourawarenesstothewaist
2 Situpfromthelyingdownpositionandspreadyourlegsapart
3 Inhaleandbendthebodyforwardbringingyourarmstowardyourtoes
4 NowswingtheupperbodytotheleftandonanexhalebringyourtorsodowntothefloorcreatingatwistatthewaistYoushouldendupwithyourhandsandchinonthefloorandelbowsupMakesureyouleaveyourrightbuttockasclosetothefloorasyoucanwhilealsobringingtheleftshoulderdowntowardthefloor
5 Nowinhaleandcomeupswingingtheupperbodybacktowardyourfeet
6 Onanexhaleswingthebodytotherightside
7 Repeat
Besureyourchinrestswherethebackofyourheadwouldbeifyouwerelyingdown
HandClenching
1 Findacomfortablesittingposition
2 Keepingthespinestraightbringyourhandstothekneeswithpalmsfacingup
3 Bringawarenesstoyourfingers
4 Stretchthearmsforwardandstretchyourfingersspreadingthemapart
5 Thenbendyourfingersincreatingtwofists
6 Uncurlyourfingersandbringyourhandsbackdowntorestonyourkneeskeepingawarenessonyourfingers
Wrist-JointRotation
1 Moveawarenesstoyourwrists
2 StretchthearmsforwardagainmakingtwofistsKeepyourthumbsinsidethefists
3 KeepingyourhandsinthatpositionbringthemupandrotateyourwristsinoppositedirectionsKeepyourarmsparallelwiththefloorandmakesuretokeepthemstraighttheforearmsfacingdownrotatingonlythewrists
4 Nowreversethedirection
5 Bringyourhandsbacktothekneesrelaxthemandremainwithyourawarenessonthewrists
ElbowBending
1 Bringyourawarenesstotheelbows
2 Stretchtherightarmforwardwithpalmfacinguparmparalleltothefloor
3 Holdtherightarmwiththelefthandatthebicepareasupportingthewholearmsoitremainsatshoulderlevel
4 Bendtheelbowbringingyourfingerstotheshoulder
5 Nowlettheforearmfallforwardstraighteningyourarmagainwiththepalmfacingup
6 Changearmsandrepeat
7 Nowbringyourarmsdownrelaxingthemandplacingyourhandsattheknees
8 Keepyourawarenessontheelbows
ShoulderSocketRotation
1 Bringawarenesstoyourshoulders
2 Onaninhalemovethetipsofyourfingerstothetipsofyourshoulders
3 ExhaleplacingtheelbowstogetherinfrontofyourchestYourelbowsshouldtouch
4 InhalebringingtheelbowsupthenbackMakesurethehandstouchatthebackoftheneck
5 ExhalebringingtheelbowsdownthenforwardcompletingthecircleMakesuretokeeptheneckrelaxed
6 Repeattheexercisewiththeelbowsrotatingintheoppositedirection
7 Whendonebringyourhandstorestonthekneesrelaxingtheshoulders
NeckRotations
1 Bringawarenesstoyourneck
2 Lettheheadfallforward
3 Nowbringtheheadupthenletitrollbackopeningthemouthslightly
4 Repeatthemotion
5 Nowbringyourheadbackstraighttoitsoriginalpositionandtiltitslightlytotherightbringingtherighteardowntowardtherightshoulder
6 BringtheheadbackupandtiltittotheleftbringingthelefteardowntowardtheleftshoulderDonrsquotturnyourneckonlymovethehead
7 Nowbringthechindowntoyourchest
8 Bringthechinupandmoveittowardtherightshoulder
9 Thenbringyourchinuppointingittowardtheceiling
10 Nowmoveyourchintowardtheleftshoulder
11 Thenbringitdowntowardthechest
12 ReversedirectionsRemembertokeepyourshouldersandhandsrelaxedasyoucyclethroughthemovementsKeepyourawarenessonyourneck
Suggestednumberofrepetitionsnolessthan3timeseachmovement
Suggestedtime10minutes
Benefits
Itpromotesthefreeflowoflifeforce
Itoptimizestheconditionsforhealing
Itstimulatesproperlymphaticdrainage
Itimprovesproperjointfunctionalitycombatingtheeffectsofarthritisandotherdegenerativeillnesses
Itrelaxesthemusclesofthebodyandtheimpulsesthattravelbacktothebrainrelaxingthemind
Ittunesuptheautonomicnerves
Itbalanceshormonalfunctions
Itimprovesvitalorganfunctions
Itimprovestheattentivefacultyofthemind
Precautions
Stayfocusedoneachbodypartpriortomovingitwhilemovingitandafterwardaswell
BesensitivetopainassociatedwithpotentialpoppingsoundswhenmovingthehipsIfthepoppingisnotpainfulyoumightcontinue
IfmomentarilyunabletoperformamovementdonotskipthatjointorplaceRathervisualizethemovementasfullyasyouareabletothencontinuewiththesubsequentjoint
Contraindications
Thisseriesneedstobemodifiedifyouhaveinjuriesorlimitationsinanyparticularjointinvolved
Thosesufferingfromsciaticaorlowerbackndashrelatedconditionsshouldbesensitivetopainwhenperformingthoseasanasthatinvolvethisareaofthebody
Theneckexercisesshouldnotbeperformedfullybythosesufferingfromhighbloodpressureorextremecervicalspondylosis
As we free the energy in our body it flows from healthy places tocompromised areas promoting the flow of the life force nourishing the bodyfromwithinandallowingittohealGriefisnotanillnessalthoughattimeswecertainlyfeelquitesickOurbodiesacheyearningforthereestablishmentofourwell-beingAspracticehelpstorestoreorderandproperoverallfunctioningwearemoreequippedtocopewithgrievoushealthdisturbances
Placing our awareness on each joint helps us gain deeper contact withourselvesheighteningourperceptionofsensationsandfeelingsinthebody
Doing this offers thepossibilityof tapping into thebodyrsquos rhythmswhichare often much clearer than the perceptions of the mind After all we canrsquotchangewhatwedonrsquotknowWhilegrievingourawarenessisoftenmisguidedlyplacedon thedramaofour losses Increasingawarenessof thebody improvesthereceptivityofthemindbecauseoftheintricateunionofthesetwoaspectsofoursystem
Learninghowourbodyrespondstoouractionsisexpertlydemonstratedinthe alternation of first feeling a joint in stillness and then feeling it in actionWhenwe focus on how it feels tomove this part of our bodywe engage infeelingtheeffectsmoreprecisely
ThemonitoringoftheconditionofourjointsservesasamappingdeviceItis a fresh angle on self-reflection which enables us to witness progress Themoving body releases information regarding feelings and mental impressionsthatweholdinourmoleculesBycarefullylisteningtotheemergencewecanhear our own internal guidance taking us a step closer to reinforcing existingfeelingsorchangingthemtosuitourneeds
The flexions and extensions contractions and torsionsmdashall help the bodypurgeundesiredchemicalbyproductsofgriefTheseactionspromotethereleaseoftoxinsthatifleftinsidemakeouranxietygreaterourdepressiondeeperandourconfusionmorepronouncedMonitoringthedailychangeshelpsuswitnessthe small improvements that practice of this technique brings By witnessingthesedailymicroimprovementsyoucangainrenewedhopeinthepossibilityofincrementalshiftsthatreduceclassicalnegativeanticipatorythinking
Themindcanconvenientlyldquoforgetrdquosomejointssotry toremembertonotskip any of the exercises so as to avoid further blockages Even if you canrsquotmovea jointdue toafunctional limitationsimplyvisualize therotationOncewersquove cleared the pathways of the life force in the system we are ready tofurtherstirupourfeelingsandmakeadeeperandmoresignificantconnectionwith themmdashsomethingthefollowingexercise theWindmill isuniquelysuitedfor
WhiskingUptheFeelingsTheWindmillisthekeyasana intheYogaforGriefReliefsadhanaandgivesyou access to themost powerful resource you can tap intoAlthough it is notfound in classical yoga texts it relates to a similar exercise included inBioenergeticsatechniqueinventedbyAmericanphysicianandpsychotherapistAlexander Lowen (1994) I felt inspired to design theWindmill exercise andintegrateit intomygrief therapypracticebecauseof theprofoundeffect ithadon me As a somatic psychotherapist I was absolutely fascinated by theimmediate effect of how quickly whirling arm movements enhance theperceptionoffeelingsInadditionIlearnedthatintraditionalChinesemedicinesome rotational movements of the arms are often prescribed to deal withsymptomsofgriefpinpointedinthelungs
AnandaBalayogiBhavananiadearfriendandoneofthemodernscholarsofYoga in India provided me with a Sanskrit name for the technique vayuchakramasanaorldquowheelofairrdquoThroughmanyyearsofusingthistechniqueIhavecometorealizethattheeffectivenessoftheWindmillisabsolutelyduetothe intentionally direct contact with anahata chakra the heart center whereattachmentisdeveloped
Windmill(VayuChakramAsana)
RightArm
1 Standwithyourfeetparallelthekneesunlockedthespinestraightandyourarmsatyoursides
2 Turnthethumbofyourrighthandinwardtowardthelegfirstthenturnitbackwardsothatyourpinkyfacesforwardandyourpalmfacesouttotheside
3 InhaleasyoumoveyourarmforwardandupStopafterthearmpassesslightlybehindtheheadandholdyourbreathfeelingtheslightstretchinthepectoralmuscles
4 OpenyourmouthrelaxyourtongueandwhileexhalingletthearmdropbackanddownwhileemittinganldquoaaahrdquosoundAvoidbumpingyourlegwithyourarmasitdropsdowninafreefallAllowthearmtonaturallystopswinging
SemifastForm
1 Afteranumberofrepetitionsoftheslowformbendyourkneesslightlyandrotateyourarmcontinuouslyatmediumspeedfollowingthesamemotionasbefore
2 AllowforaquickinhalationthroughthenosefollowedbytheldquoaaahrdquosoundasyoucontinuouslyrotateyourarmMakesureyourarmrotatescontinuouslyAvoidholdingyourbreathasyoudidbeforeAvoidbobbingupanddownkeepyourkneesbentthroughout
FastForm
1 Increasethespeeduntilyourotatethearmasfastasyoucanwhilecontinuingtobreathemdashmorerapidlynowmdashandmakingtheldquoaaahrdquosound
2 Stopthemovementstraightenthekneesandconnectwithanyemotionsorfeelingsthatmightarisewithclosedeyes
Youmightexperiencepain inyourfingertips If thepain istoointenseyoumayholdyourarmuprightandallowthebloodtoflowawayfromtheextremitieswhichreleasesanypainalmost immediately Please also consider bearing with the pain because it might be aneffectivemetaphorforyourwillingnesstowithstandthepainofgrief
LeftArm
1 Repeatasfortherightarm
BothArms
1 Facebothpalmsoutwiththepinkiesfacingforward
2 Inhaleasyoumovebotharmsforwardandup
3 StopthemovementwhenthearmspassslightlybehindyourheadHoldyourbreathfeelingtheslightstretchinbothpectoralmuscles
4 Openyourmouthrelaxyourtongueandwhileexhalingletthearmsdropbackanddownwhileemittinganldquoaaahrdquosound
SemifastForm
1 Afteranumberofrepetitionsoftheslowformbendyourkneesslightlyandrotateboth
armscontinuouslyatmediumspeedfollowingthesamemotionasbefore
FastForm
1 Increasethespeeduntilyourotatethearmsasfastasyoucanwhilecontinuingwiththefastbreathandtheldquoaaahrdquosound
2 Stopthemovementstraightenthekneesandconnectwithanyemotionsorfeelingsthatmightarisewithclosedeyes
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10timeswhenperformingtheslowversionnolessthan10 times when performing the semifast and fast versions A better recommendationhoweverisforyoutosimplyself-regulatetherepetitionssincecountingthemcandistractfromtheupsurgeofemotionalcontent
Benefits
Itunblockstheheartchakraoxygenatingandrelaxingthepectoralmuscleswhileallowingthefeelingsandemotionstofindawaytothesurfaceofyourbodyandyourconsciousness
Itenhancestheupper-pectoralbreathincreasingthelungsrsquocapacitytoreceiveair
Itincreasesbloodcirculationtotheupperthorax
Ithelpsreleasetightnessintheneckandlessenthesensationoffeelingchoked
Itincreasesageneralfeelingofaliveness
Itincreasesthesensationinthesolesofyourfeetallowingadeeperfeelingofgrounding
Precautions
EnsurethattheneckremainsrelaxedandtheheadstaysstraightthroughouttheexerciseAvoidtiltingtheheadinanydirection
Keepyourkneesbent(whenpracticingthesemifastandfastforms)toreducelower-backimpact
Bearinmindthatalldegreesofpracticemdashfromvisualizationtofullperformancemdashareeffective
Remembernottobreakthestraightlineofyourpostureasyouexhaleandbringthearmsdown
Donottwistthebodytothesideorrotateitwhiledroppingthearmsdownasyouexhale
Contraindications
ThosesufferingfromrotatorcuffndashrelatedconditionsshouldonlyvisualizetheWindmillorperformitinawaythatdoesnotpromotepainIfpainappearsstopmovementthentryasimplerlessinvolvedvariation
ThesemifastandfastmovementsshouldbeperformedwithcarerespectingtheinherentlimitationswithregardtoanypreexistingconditionssuchasneckshoulderorbackinjuriesoraheartconditionIfanyofthesemovementspromotemorethanslightpainorifyouhavedoubtsaboutwhethertheyareappropriateforyouatthistimepleaseconsultamedicalprofessionalbeforeperformingthisexercise
TheWindmillhelpsactivatethepectoralmuscleswhilehelpingthescapulaeto rotate unlockingour emotional armor and relieving tension in the shoulderarea As the tense muscles start to loosen our perceptions change as buriedemotionsstartmigratingfromstuckplacesinthebody
The nature of the Windmill exercise is active I feel it is important toemphasize that although it is natural to resist the emotions these movementsmightbringupworkingthroughthemistheonlywaytotransformgrief
PracticingtheWindmillproveshelpfulforwhatwasoncetenselockedandshutawaytobecomeopenanddynamicYouareinvitedtomeetyourselffullywhenyouactivate thispartofyourbodyenhancing thepotential toalteryourperceptionofyourpreviouslyheldbeliefs
Justlikekidsthinktheyareinvisiblewhentheyhidebehindtheirownhandswhileplayingpeek-a-booweplayanadultversionofthegamebythinkingthatbynotnamingourfeelingsandignoringthemwedonrsquotfeelthemWeknowthateverybody can see the little kid behind his hands and in a similar way ourhigherselfcanseewhatwedonrsquotwanttoacknowledgeaspartofourexperienceHowcanwechange somethingwhenwedonrsquot know it is thereHowcanweconsciouslytransformabeliefifwearenotawareofit
Moving through thepainofgrief is anessential taskFeeling thepainandbecomingfamiliarwith it is thefirststepNextweconsciouslyworkwith thepainandtransformitthroughouractionsRememberthatyouhavenotactuallycreatedanyfeelingsbypracticingtheWindmilltheyarealreadythereinsideofyou
Theshortmomentofretentionofthein-breathallowsforanopportunitytomatchthebodyrsquospresentenvironmentofoverchargedfeelingsandtension thatyouaregoingthroughinlifeanditpreparesthesystemforthesubsequentreliefwhenswingingthearmbackanddownTheldquoaaahrdquosoundinducesyourabilitytoexpressyourselftogetthingsoffyourchestSoundhelpsopenthepathwaystowarda full expressionof theemotionsassociatedwith the loss andwith thenew situation that results Because grieving individuals need to be heardopening the avenues of communication both with yourself and others is veryimportantTheUniversebehavesaswavesusingsoundcanhelpyoubegin to
modifyyourrealityonacosmiclevelYourabilitytospeakyourtruthreshapesthecircumstancesthatcomposeyournewreality
DuringtimesofgriefacknowledgingwhereweareinrelationtoourprocesscanbechallengingProbablyinfusedbythesocietalawkwardnessaroundgriefmdashthe fact that nobody wants to talk about itmdashwe too feel awkward and notnecessarilycomfortableexposingourachingheartsshowingourtruepainThispromotes isolation and enhances the feeling that no one can understand usWhileitistruethatnotwoindividualsgrieveinthesamewayitisalsotruethatthereareuniversaltraitstoeveryonersquosgriefandsharinginthisprocesscanbeofimmense assistance at this time Being able to speak about your realitywhengrievingcanhelpyouemotionallyaccepttherealityofthelossThisisliberatingin itself provided that the other is a good listener What is a good listenerSomeone who is receptive accepting and willing to just listen and not giveadvicesomeonewhoisnotapttogiveflippantanswerssuchasldquoDonrsquotworryyoursquollbeallrightrdquo
SomeprefertheslowformoftheWindmillbecauseitismorepleasantthanthesemifastandfastformsPreferablythefasterformsofthetechniqueshouldbe practiced with supervision and closely monitored by an experienced andseasoned yoga therapist or even better by a competent body-orientedpsychotherapistTheelevatedenergetictoneofboththesemifastandfastformsoftenevokeveryintensefeelingsThewillingnessandreadinesstoexposeyourdeepestdefensemechanismsdemands increasedcaution compassion andcaretowardyourself
I have seen many yoga practitioners having breakthroughs with theWindmill tapping into their own unmasked hearts at times exhilarated bymerelywitnessingtheirownrichpaletteoffeelingsothertimesoverwhelmedbythe intensityof itallBecause theconsequencescanbevery intense I suggestusingtheslowformonlyatfirstYoumaywanttoleavetheothertwospeedsforatimewhenyoucanpracticewithproperguidanceandareemotionallypreparedtoworkwithwhatarisesWhileitistruethatyouwanttofaceyouremotionalrealityyoumustdosoinawaythatisfeasibleandproductiveforgrowth
The imageof awindmill using thepowerof thewind to grindgrains intoflourisasavalidanalogyasitexemplifiestheprocessofworkingthroughourown grief Transforming the hardness of the process into something we canderivenurturancefrommirrorsthehardshellonthegrainThemillingturnsthehardness into something thatwecanuseBy releasingour armoredpostureofprotectionwegainaccesstothehiddengemwrittenaboutearlierinthischapterChapter6furtheraddressestheaspectsofsuchatransformation
LetGoThe Attitude of Discharging exercise offers an extraordinary outlet for yourheightened feelings brought to consciousness after practicing the WindmillNow stirred up your emotions are available and accessible for creativeexternalization
ThisasanademonstrateshowyogacanbeusedtoaddressissuesattheircorebyhelpingindividualsdischargeunwantedfeelingsInsteadofofferingspecificantidotes foreach feelingweefficientlyassumeanattitudeof lettinggo tobeappliedtoanyandallfeelings
ThequestiongrievingindividualsaskmostoftenisldquoWhatdoIdowiththesefeelingsrdquoEventhoughfeelingsaretobefeltitistruethatmostofuswanttodosomething with them In the words of JWilliamWorden ldquoSadness must beaccompaniedbyanawarenessofwhatonehaslostangerneedstobeproperlyand effectively targeted guilt needs to be evaluated and resolved and anxietyneedstobeidentifiedandmanagedrdquo(200996)
Onceyouidentifyyourfeelingsyoucanassesswhatactionsareneededtoaddress them The following asana allows you to discharge negative andunpleasant feelings or perhaps to discharge those that prevent you fromaccessing the positive feelings you awaken by practicing the Windmill andwouldliketoexperiencemoredeeply
AttitudeofDischarging(UtthitaLolasana)
1 Standwithlegsapartfeetparallelandkneesbent
2 Onaninhalebringthearmsforwardandupthenbendbackwardmovingthepelvisforwardandtiltingtheheadback
3 Holdyourbreathattheendoftheinhalation
4 Openyourmouthrelaxthetongueandthenwhileexhalingswingtheupperbodyforwardanddownuntilcomingtoacompleterelaxationoftheupperbodyandemittinganldquoaaahrdquosound
5 WhileinhalingmovethearmsforwardandupRepeat
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10times
Benefits
Ittonesthespinalnerves
Itmassagesthevitalorgans
Itstretchesthehamstringsandbackmuscles
Itimproveslymphaticmovementanddrainagefromtheabdomenandbaseofthelungsallowingforanimprovedfullerbreath
Itstimulatesbloodflowtothebrain
Itfacilitatesdischargeofferingfeelingsandemotionalsensationsawayout
Precautions
Keepthekneesbentatalltimesincludingattheendoftheinhalationwhenyouarebentbackward
Makesuretheheadandarmscometoafullrelaxationaftereachdownwardswingingmovementwhenperformingtheregularversion
Contraindications
ThisasanashouldbemodifiedifpracticedbypeoplesufferingfromvertigoInthiscaseavoidplacingtheheaddown
Peoplewithhighbloodpressureshouldavoidthecompleteversionoftheasanalimitingtheforward-downmovementwiththeuppertorso
Thosesufferingfrombackconditionsparticularlyinthelowerbackneedtomonitorpainespeciallywhencomingupafterthedownwardswingingmovement
Thedifficultmomentofbendingbackwardattheendoftheinhalationmightmirror an equally challenging moment during bereavement that of feelingexposed awkward imbalancedvulnerableThe forcefuldownwardmovementoffersanopportunitytoreleasethoseembodiedfeelings
Irsquovefoundthreevariationsofthisposturetobeparticularlyhelpfultothosewhoaregrieving
The first variation includesperforming the technique in a continuous fashion andwith noretention of the in-breath at the end of each inhalation Always keep your knees bent toavoid locking them in an attempt to control the heightened intensity of feelings In mypractice Irsquove found that active people andmen in particular usually enjoy this variationbecause of its enhanced active component The constant use of the ldquoaaahrdquo sound alsotendstoresonatewithmenwhousuallyprefergrowlingouttheiremotionstotalkingaboutthem
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10times
AsecondvariationentailsldquoplacingrdquotheparticularfeelingyouneedtodischargeinthepalmsofyourhandsAsyoumoveforwardanddownvisualizethatemotionbeingreleasedintothe earth Holding the feeling in the palms helps the mind concretize the feeling andenhancestheintensityandfocusofthedischarge
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10times
A third variation has your hands making full contact with the floor at the end of theexhalationwith the ldquoaaahrdquosoundsustainedAvoid tapping thehandson the floor ratherkeep the full contact for as long as you are exhaling and emitting the ldquoaaahrdquo soundVisualizepushingthefeelingsforcefullyintothehotmagmaatthecenteroftheearthAllowthe upper body to fully lean on the hands and intensify the push imagining the emotiontravelingathighspeedandmeltingintotheearthrsquoscoreRememberthatmeltingsomethingdoes not get rid of it it merely changes its form In a similar way our feelings cannotdisappearbutinsteadcanbetransformedwithintentiontimeandwork
Suggestednumberofrepetitions3times
IfyouarecompromisedinyourbodilycapacitytoperformthisexercisebesafeandonlyengageuptoyourlimitorpracticebyvisualizingthetechniqueIrsquove evenproposed this exercise to people confined to awheelchair engagingonlytheupperbodyarmsandheadasavariationofthisposture
After performing such an intense asana we are now ready to move to aquietercalmerpracticetocontinueworkingwithourgrief
SleepBetterandAwakentoaNewPerspectiveThetechniquethatfollowsisusefultohelpbalancethepinealglandBecauseofitsinvolvementinregulatingthefunctionsoftheotherendocrineglandsthisisagoodway to reset the endocrine system in its entirety This exercise can helpindividualsstrengthentheirprotectionfromforeignagentsandavoidtherelapseofpreexistingconditionsthatoftenoccursatthisvulnerabletimeThisisduetothe relationship between the endocrine system and the immune systemparticularlyatthethymusglandThepinealglandisoftenheavilytaxedduringthegriefprocess and the insomniamanygrieversexperiencemdashor itsoppositeoversleepingmdashis the result of an imbalance in the melatonin it producesEngaging the optic nerves is a way of addressing this disturbance since theglandreactstolightregisteredthroughthesenerves
ConcentratedGazing(Tratak)
1 SitcomfortablyandextendyourrightarmwithyourfistclosedandyourthumbpointingupthethumbnailfacingyouIfyouneedsupportforthearmplacetheclosedfistofyourlefthandattherightarmpitYoumayalsobendtherightkneeanduseyourkneetosupportthearm
2 Locateadistantobject(atleast10feetaway)ateyelevelasafocalpointandplaceyourthumbnailwithinthelineofvisionbetweenyoureyesandthedistantobjectoffocusTheobjectbeingfocusedonshouldberelativelysmallsuchasadoorknobarockoradrawnblackdot
3 Focusonyourthumbnailfor1minute
4 Shiftyourfocustothedistantobjectfor1minute
5 Shiftbacktoyourthumbnail
6 Repeattheprocessofswitchingthefocus3times(6timesintotal)Avoidblinkingthroughouttheexerciseifyoucan
Suggestedtime Including1minuteof focusandthreeswitchesbetweenfocalpoints thepracticetakes6minutes
Benefits
ItstimulatestheopticnerveswhichpromptsthefunctionsofthepinealglandTheresultingbalancedlevelsofmelatonintendtoregulatemanybiorhythmsincludingthesleep-wakecycle
Ithelpsregulatestressbyinfluencingthefight-or-flightreactionandmodulatesthe
immunesystem
Itincreasesnervousstabilityremovesinsomniaandrelaxestheanxiousmind
Itimprovesthememoryandhelpstodevelopgoodconcentrationandstrongwillpower
Spirituallyitawakensajnachakra
Precautions
Alwaysavoidunnecessarystrain
Betolerantofdifferentexperiencessuchasseeingtwothumbsortwodistantfocalpointsmdashtheseexperienceschangewithtime
Contraindications
Thosesufferingfromglaucomashouldbesensitivetopainandmodifythepracticeasneededbyreducingthetimefocusingorthenumberofchangesbetweenfocalpoints
Many practitioners report falling asleep before completing a full round ofConcentrated Gazing With steady practice cosmic rhythms soothe the bodyhelping it remember when to sleep and when to stay awake The wisdom ofhealthy grieving lives more in the Spirit than in the mindWorking with thepineal gland is important for its connection with ajna chakra the third eyewhere we view life through awakened intuitive knowledge Our Spirit knowsthatthingsendandourbodiesareaccustomedtoprocessingendingsconstantlyyetitisourmindsthatwantthethingsweareattachedtotobewithusforever
ConcentratedGazingalsooffersasymbolicopportunity to takea lookathowwewant totransition through the next steps of our lives The two focal points one close and onedistant serve as symbols of the situations we go through when grievingWhen the oldrealityisnotthereanylongerandthenewoneisnotyetknownourcontrollingmindshavea hard time waiting The negative anticipatory thinking indicative of the limbic systemrsquosinvolvement ingriefmakesusperceivetheprojectednewrealitynegatively It fillsuswithideassuchasthinkingthatnoonewillloveusasmuchorthatnojobwilleversuitusinthesamewayThatmightbetrueorcompletelyfalseandwecanrsquotknowyetInthemeantimewe can only trust the journey and accept that changewill come Shifting focus from thethumbnail (our present situation) to the chosen distant point (the new reality to bediscovered)symbolizesthejourneyahead
DecidingonwhatcouldbethedistantfocalpointcanbeveryusefulindeterminingthenextstepsofthejourneyYoucanchooseapicturerepresentativeofhowyouwouldliketofeelinthefutureorthehouseyouwouldliketohaveorthejobyouwouldliketogetPlaceitinthedistancesowhenyouswitchtothatfocalpointyouareaddingintentionandmeaningtoyourpracticeDecidingwheretostartandwheretoend(with thedistantorclosefocalpoint)canaddstrengthtoyourabilitytomeetyourselfwhereyouareandtoyourprecisionindefiningyourfuture
Sometimes the eyesget tiredor strainedwhenpracticing this technique Ifthishappensrubthepalmsofyourhandstogetherthenbringthecuppedhandstoyoureyesandenjoythewarmthanddarknessthatcansoothethem
After acknowledging the reality of your loss identifyingwhere you are inthepresentmomentandbeginningtounderstandwhereyouwouldliketobeinthe futureyoucanpracticea technique thathelpsyoucontrolyour immediateenvironmentandeffectivelycalmsthemind
ControlIsSomehowPossibleOneoftherealitiesofgrief is that inmostcases thelosswasprobablyoutofourcontrolEvenwhenthelossistheresultofachoicethesubsequentsufferingisoftenunavoidableIfwehadcompletecontrolwewouldneverloseanythingnorwouldwechoosetosuffer
When confronting the challenges of grief themind and the body both gothrough symptoms thatmimic our discomfortwhen facedwith loss of control(difficultybreathingmuscletensionetc)Byactivelyengagingbothmindandbody through yoga exercises we can immediately bring back some sense ofcontrolintoourlivesOurmostimmediateconnectiontolifeisourbreathandbringingbalancetoitcanbeachievedbypracticingAlternate-NostrilBreathing
Alternate-NostrilBreathing(NadiShodhanaPranayama)
YoumaynotknowitbuttherightnostrilandtheleftnostrilrarelycarrythesameamountofairTrythissimpleexerciselickyourindexfingerinhaleandbringyourfingerclosetoyourrightnostrilwhileexhalingthenrepeatwiththeothernostrilWellUnlessyouareindeepbalanceatthistimeoneofthemcarriesmoreairthantheother
1 Sitinacomfortablepositionwiththeheadandspineuprightandtheleftarmbentoveryourbellysothattherightelbowcanrestontheleftforearm
2 HoldthefingersofyourrighthandinfrontofyourfaceResttheindexandmiddlefingersgentlyonthecenteroftheeyebrowsBothfingersshouldberelaxedPositionthethumbnexttotherightnostrilandtheringfingernexttotheleftnostrilThelittlefingershouldbecomfortablyfolded
3 Inhalethenclosetheleftnostrilwiththeringfingerandexhalethroughtherightnostril
4 Inhalethroughthesamerightnostril
5 Unblocktheleftnostrilandclosetherightonewiththethumb
6 Exhalethroughtheleftnostril
7 Inhalethroughthesamenostriltheleft
8 Unblocktherightnostrilandclosetheleftonewithyourringfinger
9 Exhalethroughtherightnostrilandinhalethroughthesamenostril
10 Continuethealternationonlychangingnostrilsaftertheinhalation
Suggested time5minutesofAlternate-NostrilBreathingplus5minutesofSingle-NostrilBreathingifdesired
Benefits
Itinducestranquilityclarityofthoughtandconcentration
Itincreasesvitalityandlowerslevelsofstressandanxietybybalancingtheflowoflifeforce
Itclearslifeforceblockagesandbalancestheflowinbothnostrils
Carbondioxideisefficientlyexpelledandthebloodispurifiedoftoxins
Itpromotesspiritualawakening
Precautions
Avoidforcingthebreath
Donotbreathethroughthemouth
SometimesonenostrilmaybeblockedpreventingtheeasyflowofbreathIftherightnostrilisblockedmakeafistwithyourlefthandandplaceitunderyourrightarmpitPressupagainsttheunderarmbringingyourrightarmdownContinuetopracticethiswayfor3minutesThenremovethehandRepeatfortheleftsideasnecessary
Contraindications
None
In yoga the right nostril relates to the sun masculinity activity givingdaytime extroversion social life partying The left relates to the moonfemininity passivity receiving nighttime introversion spiritual life restingWhen experiencing anxiety your right nostril is more engaged the oppositeoccurs when you are depressed or depletedmdashthe left nostril carries more airMaking the air go through both nostrils alternately brings your system into amorebalancedrelationshipbetweenyouractiveandpassiveaspectsoftheselfinfluencingthewayyouexperience thepresentsituation ItallowsthemindtocalmandtapintothealternationofallthingsThiscanhelpyoutrustthateventhoughyouarenowanxiousyouwilleventuallyrelaxandifyouaresadyouwilleventuallybehappyagain
The rightnostril also corresponds to the sympathetic energizingbranchofthe autonomic nervous system The left nostril is related to the relaxingparasympatheticbranchthatusuallyprevailswhenoneisgrievingBalancingtheactivity of these two aspects of your nervous system reestablishes the lost
equilibrium regulating your functions and balancing your reactions This isassuredlyamuchmorestablewaytorespondtoyournewenvironment
Practicingbreathingthroughasinglenostrilmdashprovidedthatitrsquosnotdoneformore than 5 minutesmdashcan bring surprising changes to your emotional stateenergizing you when yoursquore feeling depressed and calming you when yoursquorefeelinganxiousMentallyyoucangainamorepositiveperspectiveorcalmtheconstantchatterof thoughtswithAlternate-NostrilBreathingGiven thepowerofthistechniquethedirectiveofdoingamaximumof5minutesrsquoworkwithonenostrilistobetakenseriouslyPleaseknowthatexceeding5minutesrsquotimecanresult in difficulties negotiating the altered state and rebalancing your energyproperly
In general retaining the breath either in or out is another possiblemanipulationofthebreathwhenpracticingpranayamaOnapsychologicallevelithelpsusperceiveanddealwithtwooppositetypesofanxietiesretainingthein-breathrelatestotheanxietyweexperiencerelatedtolifetoitsfullnesstoitsintensityretainingtheout-breathrelatestoourfeelingsaboutdeathingeneraland particularly our own deathsWhile practicingAlternate-NostrilBreathingnotice if you are holding your breath at the end of the inhalation or theexhalationandseeifitrelatestoyourfeelings
Voluntarilymanipulatingtheactiveandpassivewithinyouhelpsyouacceptthat change is the norm that all things fluctuate and that change is possiblewithinyourselfNomatterwhereyouareinyourgrievingprocessyouwillnotbe in the same place in the future regardless of what things look like in thepresent moment Switching willingly from one nostril to the other andwitnessingthechangehelpsyourmindintegratethenewsituationaspartofyourever-changinglife
After witnessing the varying symptoms of grief and starting to use yourbreathtobringbackasenseofcontrolyouarenowreadytofullyrelax
BringingCalmtoaScatteredMindandaDistressedBody
GriefisstressfulThereforeastateofrelaxationiscrucialandyetthisstateisdifficulttoaccessmostofthetimeThestress-relievingeffectsofyogaaresomeofthemoststudiedfeaturesofthedisciplineandareveryusefulwhengrievingEven though any relaxation technique could work and would be good myintention in including a self-relaxation technique is to empower individuals to
use their ownmeans to relaxThe first lesson of loss is to not depend on thepermanenceof thingsmdashwhich iswhyanexternal sourceof relaxation suchassoothingmusicoraguidedrelaxationonaDVDwhilebeneficialwouldnotusethenewlyacquiredinformationtoourmaximumbenefit
Self-RelaxationTechnique(AngaShaithilya)
1 LieonyourbackwithyourpalmsfacingupBringyourawarenesstothebreathFindthenaturalrhythmofyourbreathbreathinginandoutslowlyandsteadilythroughthenostrils
2 Nowbringtheawarenesstoyourfeet
3 Inhaleexhale
4 InhaleexhalerepeatingtoyourselfsilentlyldquoMyfeetarerelaxedrdquo
5 Bringawarenesstoyourlegs
6 InhaleexhaleWhileexhalingrepeatsilentlytoyourselfldquoMylegsarerelaxedrdquo
7 Bringawarenesstoyourpelvis
8 InhaleexhaleWhileexhalingrepeatsilentlytoyourselfldquoMypelvisisrelaxedrdquo
9 ContinuethepracticebyrepeatingthesamepatternforHands
Arms
Shoulders
Back
Torso
Neck
Face
Head
Mind
10 EndbyrepeatinginternallyldquoIamcompletelyrelaxedrdquothreetimes
Suggestedtime10minutes
Benefits
Itrelaxesthebody
Ithelpsthemindrelax
Itcombatsthestressfuleffectsofgrief
Itreplenishesthegeneralenergylevelofthebodycombatingfatigue
Precautions
Doyourbesttomemorizethetwelvebodypartsincludedinthetechniquetoavoiddistractionswhilepracticingit
Contraindications
None
Using a technique that offers relaxation with deep detailed awareness ofoneself and that is grounded in the rhythm of the breath is a great way tointegrate other exercises of the practice in the relaxation Notice that thisexercise follows the samebodyorder as theEnergyFlowSeriesOpening thepracticewiththedirectivetostayconnectedwithyourbreathrhythmisanotherformofBreathMeditationTherepetitionofldquoMy___________isarerelaxedrdquoisnothingotherthantheactivepracticeofResolve(seethefollowingexercise)
Be prepared to hear the mind voicing statements such as ldquoI canrsquot relaxbecause Ihave to rememberwhatpart isnextrdquoTo remedy thismemorize thepartsbeforepracticingandyoucanavoidthisinterruptionThistechniquehelpswithmanyofthesymptomsofgriefincludingphysicalpainItgivesthebodyanopportunity to take a rest from the depleting hyperactive symptoms of theemotionalstressandreplenishitselfRelaxingthebodyalsohelpsthemindcalmdownandreducetheconstantmentalchatterallowingyoutofocusonplantingtheseedsofyournewlifethroughResolve
DissolvingOldPatternsandReprogrammingtheMindwithIntention
Yoga acknowledges the principle of pronoia a neologism coined by modernphilosophersexpressinganoldtruthItstatesthattheUniverseisconspiringinour highest good This is the polar opposite of paranoia which in essenceinvolvesthebeliefthattheUniverseisconspiringagainstus
Formostofhumanity thelatterconceptprevailsasanaccuratedescriptionof a world that is not at all supportive and comes after us loaded withjeopardizingintentionsYogarecognizesthisasfalseandmakesitclearthatthewholeprocessstartswithanideainourmindYogastatesldquoWecreatethemoldandthentheUniverseisinchargeoffillingituprdquo
Resolve(Sankalpa)
ThetranslationofthewordsankalpaisldquoresolverdquoorldquoresolutionrdquoItreferstotheapplicationofwillpowerthroughaconsciousdecision-makingprocessIttakestheformofashortmentalstatementwhichisimprintedbyrepetitiononthesubconsciousmindSankalpainfluencesthewaythingsaretohappenwithdeterminationandintention
Thestatementrepresentsamoldthatoncecreatedallowsfor theprovidentialpowersoftheUniversetohelpmanifestationoccurRememberyouaretheonlyoneactuallycapableofmakingyourownmoldThewordsankalpareferstoboththenameofthetechniqueaswellasthecontentofthestatementitself
1 Thinkoftheperfectwayinwhichyouwantanintentiontomanifestandthenstateitinasuccinctphrasethat
isexpressedinpresenttense
avoidsusingthewordldquonordquoortermsthatexpressnegativeconceptsForexampleldquoIwillnotbesinglerdquoshouldbereplacedwithldquoIammarriedrdquo
2 SitcomfortablywithyourhandsonyourkneesBreathenormallyacknowledginganyoutsidethoughtthatarisesandletitgoInhalethenontheexhalesayyourstatementtoyourselfbeingfullypresentwitheachindividualwordofthestatement(Youmaypauseaftereachword)
3 TakeadeepbreathandmovetothenextrepetitionWithyoureyesclosedcontinuerepeatingyourstatementThenbreatheinandoutoncewithoutrepeatingthestatementWhendoneopenyoureyes
Suggestednumberofrepetitions3times
TheconceptthistechniquereferstoisinthecoreoftheoldsayingldquoAskandyeshallbegivenrdquotowhichIrsquodliketoaddldquoifitisintheorderofthingsrdquoWhy
ManypeopleaskforthingsthatarenotwithintheUniversalorderandthenblamethesystemratherthanacknowledgingthattheirignoranceoftheorderistherealreasonthingsdidnotmanifestByldquotheorderrdquoImeanthesystematicandpreciseway inwhich thingswork in theUniverseand that is reflected insuchtruthsasldquoNothing ispermanentrdquoAll thingsend regardlessofwhetherwearethinking of a vase a day or a thought Without this acknowledgment whenasking for something to remain themechanism sparked by sankalpa will notworkandtheUniversewillnotsupportourpetitionIfIrsquomfifty-fourIcanaskforldquoyouthfulfiftiesrdquobutIcanrsquotasktobefifteenagainmdashitsimplywonrsquothappen
Byclearlyidentifyingwhattoaskforandhowtophraseitweengageinasimplewayofjump-startingtheprocessofmanifestationEventhoughmostofushavewantsitissurprisinglyhardforpeopletoactuallyexpresstheirwishesinanexactwayInmyyearsofusingResolveIhavehadtoworkdiligentlytohelp individuals identifywhat theywantbyspendinghourssorting throughallkindsofmisunderstandingsoldprogrammingandstalebeliefs
Prior to identifyingwhat wewant we usually namewhat we donrsquot wantwhat we fear why we should not want it and so forth This means that ourmindsareabsolutelyfullofalltheseotherconsiderationsandinthemeantimetheUniverseisbusyfillingupthecorrespondingmoldsasitcompetentlydoes
Thisiswhywemanifestwhatwefearandthisisalsohowwemanifestwhatwe donrsquotwantAs youmight know ldquoYou can never get enough ofwhat youreallydonrsquotwantrdquoIfyourmentalprogrammingmdashandcreatedmoldmdashisldquoIrsquomnotgoingtoget that jobrdquoorldquoIrsquodlovetoget that jobbut therearesomanyotherswho are better preparedrdquo then the Universe will accommodate you with anopportunity of losing that job It might seem like an extremely minusculesemanticdeviationbuttheconsequencesresultingfromsuchmisunderstandingsare also extremely clear (See the sidebar that follows ldquoAiding the PracticeThroughJournalingrdquoforaneffectiveapproachtonamingwhatwewant)
TosayldquoIamnotunhappyrdquoisverydifferentfromsayingldquoIamhappyrdquoandbelieveme theUniverse is listeningpreciselyTounderstandwhyprecision isimportantletmesharewithyouanoldstoryfromIndia
AidingthePracticeThroughJournaling
As a simple exercise think about what you want and write yourstatementdescribingitthencontinuetowritedowneachmodificationof the statement as you develop it Make no judgments write no
ldquoshouldsrdquomdashjust write what comes up You will probably see apathway amental roadmap that you have been following thatwillrevealyourmisconceptionsKeepinmindthatwhenyouarriveattheldquorightrdquo statement a subtle ldquoeye-smilerdquo appears a slightwidening ofyour forehead accompanied by a sense of ldquoEurekaThis is itrdquoThatfeelingisclearlyidentifiablenoquestionsaskednodoubtsaboutitmdashit is resonating inside of you as accurate Until that ahamoment ofrecognitionkeepworkingonyourauthenticexpressionyourpersonalResolve Know that you are actually working on your innermostwishesandthatyouareultimatelydeterminingyourfuture
After you have come up with your statement and you arepracticingrepeatingitIsuggestyoualsojournaltheinternalresponsesandconsiderationsyourmindcomesupwithItisnormaltolistentotheinternalvoicechallengingyourstatementswithphrasesthatdenotethe adverse reality the one you are trying to modify Since themanifestation process is happening regardless if the statement is ldquoIhaveapartnerrdquo and themindcomesupwith ldquoYouare lyingnoonewouldloveyourdquotheideamoldreadytobefilledupisthelatterYoumaydiscoverthatwhatrsquoswrittenactuallyrevealsyourpresentmentalprogrammingthatyouarereallynotworthloving
Byattendingtoyourbodycalmingyourmindandexploring thenatureofyourdesiresonadeeperlevelyouarenowtrulyreadytogowithin to practiceBreathMeditation and leave everything up to theUniverse
AcouplebothagesixtyandstillmarriedafterfortyyearsfindagenielampWhentheyrubitthegenieappearsandcomestolifeThegeniespeaksldquoLadyyourwishesshallbegrantedWhatwouldyoulikerdquo
ldquoIwantenoughmoneytogoaroundtheworldtwicewithmyhusbandrdquothewoman responds In an instant the geniemanifests a briefcase full of enoughmoneyforthebothofthemtogoaroundtheworldtwice
ThegeniethenturnstothegentlemanandsaysldquoSiryourwishestooshallbegrantedWhatwouldyoulikerdquo
ldquoIrsquod like to have a wife thirty years younger than merdquo replies theopportunistThegeniethenrespondsbyturningthemanintoaninety-year-old
Thelessonofthisstoryistobeveryclearandprecisewhenaskingforwhatyou want otherwise you may end up getting what you really donrsquot want
Resolve is the mechanism that kick-starts the process of manifestationThoughtfully identifying and defining an idea can and will act as a guidingprinciple a lighthouse in the darkness of your emotional storm Then youractionsthoughtsandspeechcanaimintheproperdirectionandstartbringingtofruitionwhatuntilnowhaslivedonlywithintherealmofyourwishes
OpeningtoSpiritThismeditationtechniquecanbeseenasthesimplestofallbreathingexercisesthebasisofallourworkBesidesthespiritualbenefitsandeffectsstayingwithyourownbreathisapowerfulwayofbeingpresentandindeepconnectionwithyourlifenotdrawninbythepastorcontemplatingthefuture
BreathMeditation
1 Sitinacomfortablepositionwiththespinestraightandthehandsrestingonyourkneeswiththepalmsfacingupward
2 Staystill
3 BringawarenesstoyourbreathFeeltheairgoinginandoutsoftlythroughyournostrils
4 Remainpresentforeachinhalationandeachexhalation
5 AstheminddriftsoffbringitbacktoyourbreathAsifyouareplacingpaperboatsonastreamofwaterplacethedistractingthoughtsintheoutgoingstreamoftheexhalation
6 Remainconcentratedonyourbreathandonlyonyourbreathexhalingeachdistractingthought
Suggestedtime5to10minutes
AlthoughitisanextremelysimpletechniquetheexecutioncanprovetobequitedifficultYourabilitytoremainconcentratedonthebreathispermanentlychallengedbyyourveryactivebodyandunstoppablemindYoucanstartfullofintentionandfindyourselfoutonalimbafteronlyafewbreathcycles
Fortunatelyyourbreathisconstantandyourneedtotakethenextin-breathisunavoidablesobringingthemindbacktothebreathisrelativelysimpleKeepcomingbacktothebreathwithtimeyoursquollseethatyourdeparturesarescarcerandthatasyoustaywithyourbreathacertainsenseofcalmnessandfulfillmentappears
You are now developing the skill to stay present with yourself to keepyourself company and bring ease when feeling abandoned Irsquove stated beforethat when grieving you should focus first on the Spirit because the body is
profoundlyengagedin its reactionandthemindisshatteredandscatteredForthis reason meditation and its ability to help you connect with your Spiritbecome a key element of the practice Thoughmeditation can be challengingwhenyouareexperiencingacutegriefitisanactivitythatwillgentlyleadyoutothesourceofknowledgeyouintendtotapinto
Now that you have read how to perform each practice and understandgenerallyhowthetechniquesservetoallaysomeofthesymptomsofgriefyouprobablywant to get started and figure out how to incorporate these practicesinto your life There are some important questions to ponder as you start tointegratesomeoftheseexercisesintoapersonalpractice
The next chapter considers what exercises you should include howmuchtime you should spend practicingwhether you should practice by yourself orseek help how long you should practice and other practical detailsWhetheryouareanexperiencedyogapractitionerorjuststartingoutwhetheryouhavejust begun to cope with some of your grief symptoms or at the end of theprocess the next chapter will help you to integrate the techniques into yourpersonalpractice
Chapter5
DesigningtheLogisticalAspectsofYourPractice
There is a famous quote usually attributed to the great German philosopherJohannWolfgangvonGoethe(1749ndash1832)
ldquoUntil one is committed there is hesitancy the chance to draw backConcerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementarytruth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plansthatthemomentonedefinitelycommitsoneselfthenProvidencemovestooAllsortsofthingsoccurtohelponethatwouldneverotherwisehaveoccurredAwhole streamofevents issues from thedecision raising inonersquosfavorallmannerofunforeseenincidentsandmeetingsandmaterialassistancewhichnomancouldhavedreamedwouldhavecomehiswayWhatever you cando or dreamyou cando begin it Boldness hasgeniuspowerandmagicinitrdquo(emphasisadded)
What a beautiful way of presenting the universal principle of pronoia Itexplains the mechanism of manifestation and emphasizes a key aspect tocommit towhatwewantThe resultingactionsactuallyhelp thebrain reshapeitselfthisisneuroplasticityatitsbestThroughthefruitsofourcommitmentwecanestablishnewneuronalconnectionsthatwill leadusnottowherewethinkweshouldbeorwherewedonrsquotdesiretobebutwherewetrulywanttobe
As you now ponder how to implement the techniques I shared in theprevious chapter and embark on your personal practice I ldquore-mindrdquo you thatyourcommitmentisessentialByacceptingyourlimitationsandneedsyouareactually making your commitment feasible Be realistic commit to what youcananddoit
SettingtheIntentionTherearetwophilosophicalconceptsfoundinTheYogaSutrasofPatanjalithatcanbetranslatedasldquopracticerdquoThefirstoneabhyasareferstoamoregeneral
all-encompassing method of practice that involves lifestyle choices thoughtsspeech and actions Abhyasa brings us greater tranquility or peace of mindSadhana thesecondconceptcanalsobedefinedaspracticebut itpertainstothe actual techniques or exercises that are performed on a regular basis toachieve an overall enhancement ofwell-being Taken together these conceptscanhelpusunderstandwhatitmeanstotrulypracticeyoga
As you begin to apply the traditionalmovements breathing exercises andcleansingtechniquessettingasideanhourahalfhourorwhatevertimeyoucandedicatetoestablishingaregularpracticeyoumayrealizethateachbreathcanbe an opportunity for transformation My hope is that as you integrate thesetechniquesintoyourdailylifeyourlifeitselfbecomesthepractice
ShouldYouPracticeAloneorUnderGuidanceJustasyouareasolitarybeinginthemidstofacrowdedcitystreetpracticeispersonalregardlessofhowmanymorearepracticingwithyouInancienttimespracticing yoga based on a book like the one you are reading without livecontactwithateachermasterorguruwasunthinkableEventhoughyogawascommonlypasseddownwithinthecontextofthefamilyfromonegenerationtothe next there is an essential trinity thought to lead to a successful spiritualjourney It includes the individual (you)GodorSpirit and thegurumdashtheonewholeadsthewayafterhavingwalkedithimselfmanytimesbefore
IntodayrsquosworldpeoplemaypracticethroughtheguidanceofabookorbyfollowinginstructionsprovidedonaDVDorahow-tovideoontheInternetItisan essential principle inyoga therapy that the interactionwith a therapistwhocanmonitorthestudentrsquospracticeisanimportantaspectaddingstrengthtothetechniquesandensuringsafetyfortheYogapractitioner
Grief is so powerful that in working with the dynamics activated by theYoga techniques itwould be advisable to seek out a qualified professional atfirst By ldquoqualifiedrdquo I mean either a yoga therapist well versed in griefcounselingoragriefcounseloror therapistknowledgeableaboutyogaand itsuseinthetherapeuticprocessBecauseyogahasbeenembracedbyanumberofprofessionals in recent years other therapists such as social workers hospicenurseschaplainsandotherswhoworkwithgrief-related issuescanbe trustedsources for guiding you through this work Even a financial adviser whounderstandsaboutthephysicalsymptomsofgriefandhowtoaddressthemcanmean the difference between wealth and poverty when for example dealingwithfinancesafteradivorceSuchatherapistmdashwhileencouragingastudentto
practiceathomeencounteringtheldquoteacherwithinrdquomdashwouldalsohelphimorhernavigatethedifficultemotionsencounteredinthegrievingprocess
Yoga practice can be a very subjective experience often having differentresults indifferentsettingsShouldyoudecidetodothepracticeonyourownwithoutprofessionalguidanceremembertobesensitiveandrespectfulofyourneedsandabilitiesMonitor theeffectsof the techniques soyoucanuse themappropriately when needed Tune into the results charting them as a validindicatorofthedevelopmentofyourprocess
IsItBettertoPracticeIndividuallyorinaGroupWhile all yoga is therapeutic yoga therapy thrives on personal individualizedpracticeespeciallyat thebeginningstagesof the therapeuticprocessWorkingwith a qualified therapist familiar with integrating yoga as part of his or hertoolbox is wholeheartedly advised Either in a group setting provided such agroupisavailableinyourcommunityorprivatelychoosewhicheverbettersuitsyourneeds
Workingindividuallyprovidesfocusedattentiontotreatmentoffersinputonadapting your practice to meet specific needs and avoids interference fromothersinaclassOntheotherhandpracticinginagroupallowsyoutowitnessotherbereavedindividualsgrieveinwaysthatmaybebothprofoundlydifferentandstrikinglysimilartoyoursCombatingthetendencytoisolatethisaspectofsocialization can help normalize your relationship to your own grief whileofferingasupportnetwork
InmyYoga forGrief Relief groups all three aspects commonly found intraditional grief support groups are included education support and socialnetworking Education serves the purpose of normalizing grief by sharinggeneralinformationregardingthegrievingprocessWealsolookathowgriefisaddressed in different cultures and time periods Support is establishedwithinthe environment the group provides It encourages authentic communicationregardingourgriefandserves tomodelhealthy interactions tobereplicated inthe outside world The social networking aspect encourages positive personalinteractions that increasewell-being for those of us listening aswell as thosesharingWhenoneisfeelingdepletedandwithoutmuchtogivelendinganeartothoseexpressingtheirgriefcanbeanempoweringexperience
IsItSafetoDoThisPracticebyYourself
MostofthetechniquescanbepracticedsafelyonyourownprovidedyoureadthesectionsdedicatedtocontraindicationsPleaseidentifyanypresentconditionthat may require caution when you practice the exercises This makes atremendousdifferencebetweenan exercisebenefitingyouorbeingharmful toyou
ThatsaidtheWindmillistheoneexerciseforwhichdiscretionmustbeusedwhen practicing alone TheWindmill is a key technique of the program andalthough the slow version is safe for most individuals the semifast and fastversions of the Windmill quickly access deeply held emotions and buriedphysical feelings I suggest that a competent professional trained in thisworkshould monitor both the practice itself as well as the outcomes If you areworkingwithayoga-savvycounselor thenyour therapyprovidesanoutlet forsharing your experience after practicing at home The Windmill is the mostactiveexerciseandtheonebestabletobringstrongfeelingstothesurfaceTheemotionselicitedduringthegrievingprocessare therawmaterialsyouusefortransformation
Someofyoumighthaveanexistingpersonalyogapracticeandwanttoaddsome of my recommended techniques to your routine Although this cancertainlybeeffectivekeepinmindthatthetruestbenefitsofthisprogramoccurwhenpracticedsequentiallyinitsentiretyByexperiencingtheroutinefullyyoucantheneffectivelyassesswhattoaddtoyourpracticeandwhyIfyouchoosetoembarkonasolopractice thenyouneed toconsidersomeof thefollowingimportantlogisticaldetails
WhichExercisesAreBestforMeWhethertoperformtheentirepracticeorpartsofitdependsonwhatyouwouldlike to accomplish howmuch time you have and howmuch knowledge youpossess of yoga and of yourself The entire practice can be accomplished inninety minutes and is inherently balanced covering issues that most grievingindividualsneed
CompleteBreathingpreparesyourmindandbodyfor themagnitudeof thegrievingprocesstheEnergyFlowSeriescreatestheconditionsforhealinganddrawsyourawarenesswithintheWindmillbringsfeelingsandsensationstothesurface sparking the process of transforming your grief into a source of self-knowledge Attitude of Discharging offers an outlet for the raw availableemotions Concentrated Gazing promotes mental focus to restore the normalcircadian rhythms while Alternate-Nostril Breathing offers breath control to
effectivelybringbalanceandcalmtoyourmindTheSelf-RelaxationTechniquehelps decrease the stressful effects of grief allowing optimal conditions forreprogramming your mind through Resolve which uses the newly acquiredknowledgetobegintoconstructanewidentityFinallyyouarereadytositstillinmeditationtodeepentheconnectionwithyourSpirit
Practicing the entire sequence offers you the exponential effect of thecombinedbenefitsofthetechniquesYetyoumaybebetteroffpracticingonlycertainpartsasyoubegintofamiliarizeyourselfwiththeworkMakesureyoucheckwithyourphysicianbeforeengaginginpracticekeepinmindthatyogatherapyisnotasubstituteformedicalattention
Becomingfamiliarwitheachtechniqueanditseffectsonyougivesyoutheconfidence to choose which one works for what is troubling you Again Ireiterateyourmindisbestaddressedthroughbreathworkyourbodyishelpedmost by physical postures and your Spirit thrives with meditation YogatechniquesinfluenceallthreeaspectsofyourbeingYoucanchoosefromeachrealm and come up with a combination that best suits your personal journeyTrustyourinstinctandinnerwisdomtoguideyou
WhereShouldIPracticeWhile it is true thatyogaisbestpracticedinacleanandcalmenvironmentatleast twohoursafteryour lastmealwearingcomfortableclothes far from thechaosoftheworldforatleastninetyminutestheseperfectconditionsarerarelymetThemaincriteria forunderstandinghow toengage in thepractice shouldalways be ldquotomeet yourself exactlywhere you arerdquoYou can then figure outwhichexercisestopracticewheretosituateyourselfwhentopracticeandhowmuchtimeyoucansetasidetopractice
Ifyoudonrsquothavea roomdedicated forpractice thenmovesomefurniturearound tocreatea suitablespaceandbring inanyobjectsor images thathelpyouconnectwithyourintentionThisprocessexemplifieslocatinganewspaceinsideofyourselfSometimeswhenwefeelldquoallovertheplacerdquoinourmindjustcleaning and reorganizing our house starts to positively affect our emotionalintegrationOrderingourimmediatesurroundingsoftenhelpstocalmdowntheinternaldisarrayCandles incense soothingmusic and low lightmayprovideyou with supportive harmonizing associations to make your practice moremeaningful
BeflexibleregardingwhereyoupracticeallowingforvariationsaccordingtoyourlifersquoscircumstancesForexampleifyouareinterviewingforajobthat
couldeasepressingeconomicneedsthenpracticesomecalmingbreathworkinthewaitingroomIfyoufindyourselfstrugglingwithroadragepulloverstopthecarandpracticeLeft-NostrilBreathingThengetbackontheroadwhenyouarecalmandhavelostsightofthatannoyingtailgatermdashyoudonrsquotwanttolosecontrolandcauseyourselfmoregrief
SometimesitisgoodtoenhanceyourpracticebybeingoutdoorsconnectingwithnatureandbringinginasenseofexpansionConverselyifdoingthisseemstoo vulnerably open and distracting and lacks the intimacy you need thenpracticewhereyoucanmoreeasilyaccomplishtheresultsyouareafter
WhenShouldIPracticeStarting thedaywith an extendedpractice deliciouslydedicated tooneself isnotaluxuryweallhaveFeelfreetodowhatyoucaninthemorningthenaddorrepeatsomethinginthemiddleofthedayandthenpracticebeforegoingtobed
TheEnergyFlowSeriesisagreatwaytobothstartandendthedayInthemorning it feels energizing and at night calming preparing you for a goodnightrsquos sleep TheWindmill practicewill elevate the general tone of your lifeforceenergyinthemorningTheAttitudeofDischargingexercisewillhelpyoudischargesomeof theextra tensionaccumulatedduring theday ifdone in thelateafternoonAlternate-NostrilBreathingisagreatmiddaypracticethatbringsbalance to your wildly fluctuating emotions Concentrated Gazing worksefficientlytoputyoutosleepatnightand ifusedinthemorning itresetstheendocrine systemdecreasingmoodswings (Thismaybeespecially importantfor women during bereavement to stabilize and reestablish balance in theirendocrine system and counteract the common disturbances grief imposes ontheir normal menstrual cycle) Choosing the right time to practice helps youadjusttoyournewenvironmentmoreskillfullyandhelpstoprepareyouforthemultitudeofchangesandnewconditionsinyourlifeFromyourfirstin-breathwhen you are born to your last out-breath at the moment of death the timeelapsedisallyoursThedecisionsyoumakeregardinghowtospendthat timeare also yours Use your practice time wisely so it reflects your sense ofownershipofyourtimeandyourrespectforit
ForHowLongShouldIPracticeFinallyintermsofhowlongtopracticeeachtechniqueorhowlongyouroverall
practice should be letme just say this something is better than nothingOursystemsreacttoallwedoandallwethinksodowhatyoucanItistruethatforbestresultsAlternate-NostrilBreathingshouldbepracticedfornolessthanfiveminutes yet a minute alone would also do some work A minimum of threerepetitionsisbetterwhenpracticingtheEnergyFlowSeriesbutonerepetitionalsohasbenefitsWhatisoptimalistousewhatevertimeyoumighthavejustkeepinmindthatthemoreyoupracticethedeepertheeffectswillbe
AnexceptionshouldbemadewithSingle-NostrilBreathingPracticing formore thanfiveminutescanrenderstrongereffects thanyoumaydesireWhenpracticing Left-Nostril Breathing for example you want to feel calmer notdepletedItisokaytopracticeformorethanfiveminutesifneededjustmakesureyoubreakitdownwithaminuteortwoofAlternate-NostrilBreathing
Thesadhanapracticemdashinitsentiretyandfollowingtheguidelinesproposedfor each technique in chapter 4mdashshould take approximately ninety minutesPleaserememberthataccordingtothevariationsandmodificationsyouneedtomakeyourpracticetimewillvarySupplementarytechniquessuchasjournalingandothersofferedinchapter6willalsoalteryourpersonalpracticetime
BecomingfamiliarwiththetechniqueswillallowyoutoknowmoreeasilywhattocalluponandwhenWithregularpracticetheeffectsofthetechniqueswillcomealiveinyouandwillevenhelpyouchoosewhattopracticeandwhenBe sensitive to the daily fluctuations in your actual ability to engage in thetechniquesIfyouspentahalfhourdoingpawanmuktasanayesterdayandyourmusclesaresoretodayreducethetimeandintensityoftheexercisetowhatyoucantolerate
YourPracticeChangesasYouDoPleasebeopentothefactthatyouareundergoingconstantchangeandthereforeyour practice must shift as well to reflect your new needs and abilities Thegrieving process and the tasks ofmourning are not linear your grief changesyourpracticeandyourpracticechangesyourgriefThere iswisdom in lettingyour practice reflect your state of being and adapting it accordingly Thewayyou practice is theway you livewhat you practice now shapes your lifeBemindful of addressing your practicewith the same grace and dignity that youwantforyourself
Perhapsitisaccuratetosaythatyoudidnotsignupforbeingwhereyouarenow andyet hereyouarePractice jump-starts theprocessof transformationSeeyourselffunctioningasthebestoperatorofthesetoolsbyaskingwhatyou
want toaccomplish listening toyourvoicehearingyourbodyrsquosexpressionofits innate wisdom and sensing what you need to do for yourself todaymdashdosomethingtocommittowhatyouwant
Chapter6
TheProcessofTransformation
LynPrashant the founderof IntegrativeGriefTherapy states thatldquowedonrsquotgetoverourlosseswechangerelationshiptothemrdquoAndsheaddsthatldquogriefisour most available untapped emotional resource for personal transformationrdquo(2005)Iwholeheartedlyagreewithher
WhilehonoringourpersonallossesandmourningtherelationshipthatoncewasthetransformationthatwearetalkingaboutinessenceisourownAswebegin to witness the appearance of our new self we slowly recognize thecumulativeeffectsofourdeeptransformativeworkWearenowactuallylookingatourselvesandtheworldaroundusfromanewperspective
This book demonstrates the inner workings of the grieving process IprovidedthespecifictechniquesforthepracticeofstayingpresentandthereforeavailabletotransformyourgriefandencounteritsstrongemotionsthatfiercelychallengeyouThetoolsarenowatyourfingertipswithfocusedawarenessyoumay methodically turn some of the seminal questions yoursquove been askingyourselfintoconcreteactions
ThroughdealingwiththesufferingthatisinherentduringthegriefjourneywehaveanopportunitytouncoverourowntruenatureGriefworkisultimatelyaboutchallengingyourassumptionsaboutlifeldquoWhoamIwithoutherWheredoIgoafterlosingmyhomeWhoamInowthatIrsquovebeenfiredfrommyjobWhatdoesitmeanthatIrsquomstillherenowandheisgonerdquo
In themidst of sorrow the blossoming of a new identitymaymeanmanydifferentthingstoyouOnceyouarenolongergrippedbytheoldattachmentsyoubecome free to explore thedeepestpartsofyourselfAsyouaskyourselfwhatyoudoanddonotneedgriefbecomestheuncannygatewaytohelpgainthetrueknowledgeofself
FindingaNewIdentityAfterLossIdentityconsistsmainlyofourperceptionsofourselvesbasedonthepeopleandthingsweareattachedtoWhenwelosethemwelosepartofwhoweareAndyetlifecontinuesRememberthefeelingsuponwakingupintheimmediatedaysandweeks following a profoundly huge loss The bodymoving in a robotic
way fighting against the lethargy of a tiredmind eyes barely open two feetwalkingtothebathroomoutofnecessity
ThinkofthebodythemastersurvivormaintaininglifewiththeaudacitytocontinuedoingwhatitdoesDespiteourdespairdespiteourdoubtstheamazingintelligence of our body is a powerful testament to the continuation of ourexistence
Imagineakitchenwhereyoursquovecookedforthepasttwentyyearsonewithno ventilation just tiny windows and a stove with slow inefficient electricburners One day the kitchen burns to the ground Because you are hungrybecauseyourbodyneeds fuelyouneed tocontinuecookingPerhapsyoucanimproviseandcookmealstemporarilyinthelivingroomormanageforawhileonanoutdoorgrillbuttheneedforanindoorkitchenispainfullyapparentsoyoumustrebuildit
IsthenewkitchengoingtohaveventilationornotBigorsmallwindowsSlowelectricburnersorquickandefficientgasburnersInordertodefinethesedetailsyouneedtoquestionyourrealneedsanddesireslikesanddislikes
After all you have cooked in that kitchen for years and are familiar withevery detail every nook and cranny The memories of that kitchen may beoverwhelmingly powerful to you but now it is time to start imagining a newmoremodernversionthatwillserveyournewneeds
Needsshift frombasic survival instincts to thoseofa fullermorespiritualvisionofourlifeInterestinglymanyofuswillgravitatetothefamiliardesignoftheoldkitchenButgiventimeforreflectionnewideasandimageswillstarttoemerge thathelpuscomecloser towhowereallyareandwhowewant tobecome
ManyofusidentifywhowearethroughourhomesSometimesthehomeisthought of as an extension of our physical bodies something important toconsider when working with grief Identity is formed through what the bodylearnsfromitsenvironmentThefollowingtwoexamplesillustratethat
Sinceathree-year-oldcannotbuyacarrentahomeorfindajobthechildmustrelyentirelyonanadultcaregiver In thiscase thefatherconstantlyputsdownthethree-year-oldwhenheperformswellButcomplyingwithhisfatherrsquosexpectations can be the difference between life and death Consequently thechildlearnseithertobecomeanunderachieverortohidehisachievementssoasnottoupsethisfather
The survival mechanism that informs the mind is deeply rooted in thewisdomof the bodymaintaining life at all costs Putting our fingers in a live
electricsocketoncegivesthebodyenoughinformationtoavoidgettingshockedagain The body has excellent cellular memory and keeps that survivalmechanism alive Even years later while fixing a malfunctioning socket andknowingthepowerisoffyourbodystillalertsyouinternallywithcautionsignswarningofdanger
When defining ourselves after loss it is very common to repeat oldmechanisms perform the same learned behaviors and chant the same innermonologuebecausethatishowwelearnedtosurviveRepeatingthesebehaviorsgrants us renewed suffering simply because our actions are antiquated and nolongermatchourpresentreality
Wemust revisit the situationwith new eyes identifying our present needsandusingournewlyacquiredskillsmdashtheoneslackingduringtheearlyformativeyears Although old habits are difficult to change respecting their power canactually be life affirmingWecan see them in action and recognize themas asign of the amazing intelligence of our bodiesWitnessing our broken heartrsquosstruggletocopewiththepainoflossandmanagetheaccompanyingsymptomsofconfusionanddisorganizedthinkingisquiteremarkable
Isnrsquot it a superbly opportune time to reimagine a new designwhenwe nolongerhavetheoldkitchenandyetourneedforthefoodthatrsquoscookedinitisasrealasthefirethatconsumeditThisistheopportunityhiddeninthegriefweexperienceThisisthetransformativejourneyIrsquomtalkingabouttheprocessthatcan take us from the void of devastation after loss to the fullness of aconsciouslylivedlife
HowCantheTransformationBeAccomplishedMy opinion is that the journey of discovery is threefold Addressing thesymptoms of our grief constitutes the first step The second involves fullytransitingthegrievingprocessandachievinghealthyresolutionwithitThethirdentails reidentification based on our most intimate spiritual self Having beenstrippedofourpreviousidentitylayingbaretherealcoreofwhowearewearenowinvitedtoapproachthedeepestpartsofourselves
These three portions of the process of transformation are linked but notlinear simultaneously our awareness can shift aswe sense some relief of ourimmediatesymptomsItisimportanttorememberingriefworkthatanyspecificactions taken towardaccomplishing resolutioncanbe repeatedand revisitedatanypointwithrenewedmeaning
The information you need comes as a result of your work and efforts tounderstandandrelatetotheexperienceathandThisprocessinvolvesobservingyour motivations behaviors and feelings This book and the techniquesproposedaredesignedtosupportyouintheprocessoftransformingyourgriefofferingpracticeasthefoundationfortheworkUsingthetoolsyoulearnedinchapter4youcanreapthebenefitsyouareafterNowletrsquostakealookathoweachpartoftheprocessoftransformationworks
TheFirstPartAddressingtheSymptoms
HowdoesaddressingyoursymptomshelptransformgriefImagineyourselfperchedon a rolling hillwaiting to take in a beautiful sunsetwith somedearfriendswhenallofasuddenyouareafflictedwithaterribletoothacheEvenifyou are surroundedby love and support in the presentmoment all you reallywantistostopthepainyouneedadentist
Itisquiteremarkablehowenticedbythepresumptionofthepermanenceofthebodyrsquosvigorandendurancewetakeourownhealthforgranted
Abalancedbodyenhancesyourability to transformgriefWhen the rug ispulledout fromunderneathyoushakingyour foundationand threateningyourstability you can enter into a conversation with the body that will ultimatelyformthebasisofyournewidentityToregainpresencefortheprocessyoumustaddressthedifferentsymptomsparticularlythephysicalones
TheexercisescontainedintheprogramcanhelptakecareofthefirstpartoftheprocessbybringingthesymptomstoalevelofrelativecontrolBypracticingbreathworkyoubecomemorepresentandawareandcanhelp reestablish thenormalrhythmsofthebodyfindingwaysofcontrollingyourmentalstatesandultimatelyyournewreality
PracticingtheEnergyFlowSeriesassuresthepropercirculationoflifeforceavoidingblockagesandfacilitatingfreemovementofconsciousnesswithinbodyandmindThedifferentasanashelpgetridofthetoxicchemicalbyproductsofpain and activate parts of the body where emotional issues tend to promotetensionandstiffnessThespecificactionsperformedintheWindmillbringyourfeelingsto thesurfaceofyourawarenessallowingyoutowitnessandidentifythem and ultimately to better understand how grief manifests in the bodyAttitudeofDischargingofferstheincreasedchargeoffeelingsandsensationsofgriefawayoutConcentratedGazingpromotesbalanceandbettersleep
TheSelf-RelaxationTechniquehelpscombatthestressfuleffectsofgriefanddiminishesgeneraltensioninthebodyguidingyouhometoyournormalsleepcycle Resolve resets the mind so the body can manifest your deepest innerwisheswhileBreathMeditationoffersthecalmstillnessofbodyandmindthatallowstheSpirittoemergemoreclearly
AllpartsoftheYogaforGriefReliefsadhanapreparethebodyandthemindfortheunderstandingofSpiritwhichasIrsquovestatedbeforeisthetruesourceforthefacilitationofgrief
TheSecondPartFacilitatingGrief
Facilitating grief implies making the experience of bereavement moremanageable by following a roadmap such as the one proposed by JWilliamWordeninhisFourTasksofMourning(2009)Employingtheprinciplesofyogacan assist in accomplishing those Letrsquos take a look at some additionalguidelines
Give yourself permission to grieve Some people have a hard timeaccepting thatgrieving isappropriateThereasonsfor these thoughtsareoftenpreconceived ideas about what to expose to others or how much time isacceptable to grievePersonal difficulties such as the fear of beingdefinedbygrief the possibility of feelingworse or the chance youmight trigger othersrsquogriefoftenpreventindividualsfromgrieving
If you care for grieving individuals and provide support space andresourcesdoyoudothesameforyourselfWhenflyingonanairplaneyouaredirected to put your oxygen mask on first in case of an emergency beforehelpingothersItismuchthesameinthegrievingprocessmdashifyougiveyourselfthepermissiontogrievefirstyoucanthenhelpothers
ProvideyourselfwiththetimeyouneedtogrieveInthecorporateworldemployeesaretypicallygivena72-hourldquowindowrdquoinwhichtogrieveAlthoughthereisnoofficialtimesettocompleteourgrievingprocessourmindstendtodictatethatafteroneyearhaselapsedldquoIshouldbedonewithmygriefrdquoSocietalexpectations coupledwith thepressureweputonourselves to resumenormalliving promote the belief that things will be much better in a yearUnfortunately this unrealistic expectation is not only misleading it is alsocounterproductivetomaintainingasenseofhope
ForsomeofusthesecondyearofgriefisevenmoredifficultthanthefirstI
encourage tolerance in allowing the time needed for working well with thecomplex grief experience That permission alone is very important In thenormalcourseofbereavement as timegoesonourgrief frequentlyexpressesitselfasaSuddenTemporaryUpsurgeofGrief(STUGRando1993)sometimesrelatedtoandprovokedbycurrentlifesituationsothertimesshowingupoutoftheblueSTUGscanprovideuswithareflectionofwhereweareinrelationtoourowngriefHowfastweovercomeithowdeepourfeelingsarefeltandhowmuchourbodiesareinvolvedareallindicativeoftheskillswehavedevelopedofthenewpiecesofinformationwehaveunveiledaboutourselves
It is necessary to mention that a prolonged time of coping with thedisruptions of bereavement may be a marker for complicated grief thusrequiring specific interventions All factors need to be taken into account toproperlyassesshowandwhereweareintheverypersonaljourneyofgrief
PracticeactivelisteningwithyourselfHaveyoueverhad theexperienceofsomeonerepeatingbacktoyouwhattheyheardyousayWereyouwide-eyedto hear themessage repeated backDid it sound like your thinkingDid youwonderldquoDidIreallysaythatrdquoThiscommonoccurrencehappensinregularlifeas well as in therapeutic settings A technique called ldquoactive listeningrdquoconsisting of literally repeating a clientrsquos disclosure back to him or her isfrequentlyusedtohelpclientsreflectonthewaystheynametheirownreality
Consciouslyjournalingourthoughtsandexperiencesafteryogapracticeisagood way to allow the process of externalizing whatever comes to mindmdashunobstructed and uncensoredLook at your journal and repeat ldquoWhat I heardmyselfsayingthinkingfeelingishelliprdquoYourrealityislivedanddeterminedbyyouin thewayyou talkabout itandname itHowyoudosodetermineshowyoulive
Resolve is a powerful tool for kick-starting the process of correctingunconscious habits and old behaviors Another creative exercise uses freeassociationtoacquaintyouwithyourtrueselfbyrecordinganaudioversionoffeelingsemotionsandimpressionsListentotherecordingandwriteldquoWhatIheard myself saying ishelliprdquo Just hearing your own voice a more familiarexpression of your inner dialogue offering insights can evokemore powerfulresults
Accept differences in the way you grieve Trying to emulate a familialsocietalorculturalmoldmdashinotherwordsforcingyourselfintoapreconceivedformmdashmaynot serveyoubestGrief isan intimateaffair revealing thedeeperself absolutely unique to each particular individualYourway of grieving the
wayyou love the things you lovemdashthey all speak towhoyou are Find yourway honor it and do it your waymdasheven if it is very different from anyexpectationsyoumighthaveorothersmayimposeuponyou
Consider that your grief might change from one moment to another Youchange just as theworld around you changes andmost important the newlyidentified self feeds off of thisWelcome those changes they reflectwhoyoureally are You grieve each loss differently and you can even experience amultitudeofpolarizedsymptomswithonelossChangesinthewayyougrieveexpress modifications in your mind and indicate that things are in factreorganizing
Even if things get more difficult day in and day out since everythingchanges so toowill that Practice itself is an importantmonitor for assessingchange Identifying the different states of feeling and being aided by certainexercises or combinations thereof are part of the self-knowledge that griefunveils What changed What made the change How can I reach that stateagainThesearesomeofthequestionstoaskyourselfwhileviewingthemanyfacesofyourgrievingprocess
You must facilitate moving through your own griefmdashentirely gently andfirmlymdashinyourownuniquewayDrWordenrsquosfourtasksareapragmaticuser-friendlyreferenceguide toevaluate thecourseofyourgrievingprocessand tolocateyourselfwithinthatcontextNextIofferyousomesuggestionsofhowtouse yogarsquos knowledge and some of the techniques included in the sadhana tomakeyourfulfillmentofWordenrsquostasksappearlessdaunting
ACCOMPLISHINGACCEPTANCE
DrWordenrsquos four tasks presented in chapter 1 are clear and direct Findwaystoaccept theemotionalrealityof the loss(first task)process thepainofgrief(secondtask)adapttoanewrealitywithout thepresenceofthedeparted(thirdtask)andrelocatethelostpersonorobjectsoyoucanembarkonanewlife(fourthtask)
Theyogapracticeoutlinedinthisbookcanbeusedtosupportyourworkonthe tasks For instance remaining aware of the breath during CompleteBreathingandwitnessingwithoutjudgmentanyresistanceyouencountercanbeinstrumentalinleadingtoacceptingtherealityoftheloss
Beawareofdistractingbehaviorssuchasgettinglostinachainofthoughtsrushingtothecomputerorgrabbingthephonewhichservetoavoidfeelingthedepth of what is happening Tolerating the discomfort is a skillful way of
meetingtheunpleasantfeelingsoflossJournalingisoneofthemostwidelyusedformsforreflectiveretellingofthe
factsGoingoverthedetailsagainandrecallingtheeventsthathappenedisoneofthemosteffectivemethodsforgainingacceptanceoflossWhenjournalingthe way youwrite about your reality is a reflection of the way you speak toyourselfaboutitWhenyourelatethefactsinyourjournalalsomakesureyouwrite about your feelingsmdashit is of the essence In order to do this you mustidentifyandexperiencethemandtodosoyoumustbepresent
PROCESSINGFEELINGS
InordertoproperlyprocessfeelingswemustfirstremainpresentforthemThisisoftenoneofthemostdifficultaspectsofgrievingbutitisalsooneofthemost importantWhat does itmean to remain present The actual practice ofbeingpresentvaries according towhich feelingyou focusonbecause feelingsassociatedwithgriefvarywidelyandcanbeofdifferentnatures
We often avoid our yoga practice or falter when the techniques elicit astrongerperceptionofthefeelingsResistanceisyetanothersignofthestruggleso identify your options for staying present Transiting your grief successfullyandestablishingwaystomoveoutoftheintensecenteroftheexperiencetoitsquieteredgesistheworkSincetheonlywayoutofthepainofgriefisthroughityoumustenterandexit theprocessskillfullyBecauseof itspassivenaturesadnessmdashthe most common feeling when grievingmdashallows us to actually sitwithitMostfindsadnessunpleasantandresistfeelingitsoweputupdefensestoeludeit
You can work on ldquositting with sadnessrdquo simply by staying seated inmeditation While meditating our minds tend to wander instead of focusingThat is true for our hearts aswellwe tend to flee from sadness toward otherfeelingssuchasanger
AngerisanactivefeelingandsittingwithitcanbeextremelyfrustratingItasksformentalandphysicalaction It isbestprocessedwhenthe targetof theangerisidentifiedandaneffectivemethodofexpressionisfoundAngerismetwithmanysocietaljudgmentsWearetaughtthatitisnotahealthyfeelingandthatitsexpressionmakesothersuncomfortableandonlyyieldsmoreangerItiscrucial to find an outlet for anger that does not conflict with what we haveaccepted as socially appropriate Instead of aggression I suggest consideringassertivenessasaneffectivealternativewayYoucanforcefullypushsomebodyawayfromyourdoorsteporyoucan lookstraight intohiseyespointingyour
finger at him while saying ldquoYou do not walk into my houserdquo Through thepracticeoftheAttitudeofDischargingangercanpurposefullybeexpressedintheintimacyofyourpersonalworkThistechniqueoffersmodesofexpressionfrom the more general involvement of the full body to the particular ldquoaaahrdquosound that promotes vocalizing the active nature of the feeling When notexpressed outwardly anger can turn inward resulting in self-destructivebehaviorssuchasrelapsingwithaddictionsSometimesangercanpresentitselfasanotherfeelingsuchasguilt
Because it isusually linked to irrational thoughtsguiltneeds tobereality-testedinrelationtothefactsAskyourselfifthereissomethingyoucouldhavedonedifferentlyorifanyactionstakencouldhaveindeedavoidedthelossThenyou should be able to recognize whether you did or did not have anyresponsibility for how things happened If you were indeed responsible thenwhat actionsmight help you to resolve the heavy burden of responsibility Iffeelings of guilt still persist what are they actually related toWhat can thelessonlearnedbe
The palette of possible feelings is vast and unique to each individual Allfeelingsarevalidmdashtheyaretheelementsthegrievingheartiscomposedofandneedtobeprocessedsowecangettoknowourselvesbetter
ADJUSTINGTOTHENEWREALITY
Discoveringhowtoadjusttoanewrealityvariesdistinctlyaccordingtothedetailsofour life situationandhowwe interpret themeaningof the lossThemorethelossthreatensourimmediatesurvivalthemoreimportantitbecomestoimplementbehaviorsforadjustment
For someone whose livelihood depended on who or what has been lostfindingwaystomakeendsmeetandfulfillonersquosmaterialobligationsbecomesofutmostimportanceAfterourinitialsurvival-basedneedsaremetotherneedsgain importance These often manifest as questions that reflect the newlybereaved personrsquos confusion or unfamiliarity with how to approach life afterlossldquoWhoamI ifnotamarriedmanWhoamInowthatIamunemployedWhycontinuetopraysincemypreviousprayerswerenotansweredrdquoByaskingyourselftheseandotherkeyquestionsyoulearnwhoyouhavebecomeandhowtolivemoreconsciouslywithoutthedeceasedAsyouembraceyournewrealitythe practice of Resolve is a solid ally imprinting new mental patterns andresettingoldonesNamingkeyresolutionssuchasldquoIpaymybillsontimerdquoorldquoIgotothegymeverydayrdquoiswhatkeepsthedirectionclear
Thesemental adjustments become effective coping tools for the long-termexperience of grief and bring immediate relief of present suffering Thedependenceon theold realitystarts to fadeawayThisoffersa freshdynamicoutlookthatenhancesindependenceandself-worthjustbykeepingaheightenedanddevotedfocusonthenewlyblossomingself
FACILITATINGEMOTIONALRELOCATIONOFTHEDECEASEDORLOSTOBJECT
Yogaaddressesthefundamentalmisapprehensionoffalseegoidentificationtaking the impermanent for permanent As you locate your place in the newrealitytherelationshiptowhoorwhatyouhavelostchangessignificantlyThisclarificationisessentialforhumblingthethreatenedegoInsteadofsubstitutingtheoldattachmentforanewoneseekanewplaceforyourselfinrelationshiptowhoorwhatyoulostYoucanchoosetofocusonwhoyouarenowwithoutthedepartedperson
BreathMeditationisidealforsupportingtheprocessofemotionalrelocationbecauseit requiresus tappingintoourcore issues theprofoundaspectsofouridentityForthisdeepandintimateworkourbreathmdashourlifeforcefuelingourworkmdashwillcontinuetoserveusuntilwetoodepartfromthislife
Your previous identity as effective anduseful as itwaswas linked to thepast responses andbehaviors relating to theworldrsquos challenges froma formernow-nonexistent timeThenewly forming self-identity is beingbasedonyourrevised inner world with more conscious thoughts positive images andappropriate needs that populate a healthier present The focus of yourembarkationismoresavoringandembracingtheactualinternaljourneyleadingyou home to your true self rather than the external aspects that previouslydefinedyourlife
DETACHEDATTACHMENTAHEALTHYMODELFORTHEFUTURE
After losing their son to an accident involving a drunk driver the Smithfamily started a nonprofit organization to raise funds to create a publicawarenesscampaignonthedangersofdrivingundertheinfluenceofalcohol
The organization offered an outlet for their emotions and created a publicforumforhonoringthelostchildinameaningfulwayThefamilyseemedtakenabackwhenI reminded themthat thenonprofit toowouldonedaycometoanend I explained that for example in the best-case scenario their campaignwould be 100 percent effective and no drunk driverswould exist so nomorefundswouldbeneeded
MyintentionwastomakethefamilyawareofthefinitenatureofallthingsincludingtheirorganizationEventhoughtheydidnotlikeanticipatingtheendtheywerecomfortedwhenIaskedthemtoconsiderthisnewpieceofawarenessasagiftfromtheirson
The ultimate intention of Wordenrsquos fourth task is to continue with thepreexistingbondand to findwaysofestablishinganenduringconnectionwithwhat wersquove lost Interestingly enough most existing models of grief therapypropose establishing new and healthier attachments as away to continuewithlife
IsuggestyouconsideranotherwaytolookatthisonemorecloselyrelatedtotheknowledgeofyogaIcallitdetachedattachmentaveryskillfultoolDoformattachmentsyetkeepfullawarenessofthefactthatwhatyouareattachedtowill inevitably disappear Factoring in the truth of the impermanence of allthingsyoucanestablishnewemotionalbondsthatempoweryoutolivefullyinthe moment with no promise of tomorrow Truly embodying this knowledgecouldeffectivelyfreeyoufromremaininginthepainfulcycleofattachmentAsall things eventually do attachment too must end Reassessing the value ofholding on to a belief that only brings suffering leads us to ask ldquoWhy notsubstitute it with a healthier more reasonable concept that might feel evenbetterrdquo
Thisapproachbridgesthepureandattimesunattainablemodelsoforthodoxyoga with the accommodating processes of Western psychology It offers ahappy medium for making new attachments which is an inherent need thathumanshaveBykeepingawide-openthirdeyeaccessingayogicawarenessofthe impermanence of all things you still allow for loving fully Loving inabsence aswell as in presence affords the opportunity of living fullywith theguidanceoftheyogicprinciplesforexistencereducingfuturesuffering
ThisisperhapsoneofthemostdifficultchallengeshumansreckonwithWeexhibit confusion either mistaking love for attachment or struggling to lovewithout itTheverycoreof the relocationprocesshouses theseedofournewbeing While relocating the deceased is the task we too are finding a newemotional address for ourselves Attributed to the universal integration of allexisting things balance equilibrates all systems simultaneously Performingritualsandengaginginactivitiestohonorthepersonorobjectwelostisintruthfor us The actual benefit gained is wholly for our healingwe can reclaim asenseofwell-beingwhilefacilitatingouradjustmentprocess
RevisitingtheexampleoftheSmithfamilyalthoughthesonmightneversee
thenonprofitorganizationtheyopenedinhisnametheorganizationhelpedthefamilytofindnewpurposeandanewidentity
TheThirdPartFindingtheNewIdentity
ThisiswherethetruegemlieswheretheblessingindisguiseisrevealedIamreferringtothedelightonefeelswhenfindingapotofgoldattheendoftherainbowItistheresultyouarelookingforwhenembarkingonaconsciousgriefjourneyYouopenaportaltoadeeperconnectionwiththeSpirittothespiritualrealm of your existence by integrating fresh information on how the bodyprocessesgriefwithhowthemindunderstandsit
WhenexploringthisnewconnectioneachpersondefinesandrelatestotheSpiritinhisorherownwayThequesttoknowtheSpiritisage-oldDespitethisbookrsquos many attempts to explain what Spirit is and because Spirit is anexperienceapracticemightbewortha lotmore thana thousandwordsLetrsquosuseyetagainanotherusefulpracticefromyoga
FINDINGSPIRITINTHEINNERSILENCE
IrsquovefoundthatpracticingthefirstpartofatechniquecalledantarmounaorldquoinnersilencerdquoisofmuchhelpwhenlookingforadeeperconnectionwiththeSpiritThetechniqueconsistsofsittinginacomfortablepositioninstillnessandwiththeeyesclosedThenhearallsoundsidentifyingloudonesfromsoftonesdistantones from those thatareclosebyknownones fromunknownoneshellipNow switch your awareness to your earsmdashthe outer ear its temperature itsshapetrytofeelthemiddleandeventheinnerearPerceiveyourearshellipNowswitchtheawarenesstoYouthewitnessofthesoundsmdashnotthesoundsnottheearsbutYouthewitnessofallsounds
Aftermasteringthetechniqueusingyourearsyoumaycontinuefocusingonyour feelings and then on your thoughts This technique offers a gradual pathtoward the innermost self it can be thought of as a system for disidentifyingwiththegrosserplanesofrealityTheselfweencounteristheoneweareafter
TheSpiritcanbecalledtheaspectofthebeingthatwitnesseslifethroughaphysicalbodyitisnotthephysicalbodynorthefactsoftheexperienceItistheobserverthatisnotalteredbywhatitobservesjustasamirrorisnotaffectedbytheitemsitreflects
SKILLFULQUESTIONING
Finding thenew identitycanbegreatlyhelpedbyusingoneof thegoldentoolsinyogaatmavicharaorself-inquiryTheessentialquestionoftheinquiryisldquoWhoamIrdquoTheanswercanonlybefoundwithinbyconnectingwiththewitnessbyaskingtheobserverwithinbygettingtoknowyourownSpirit
The question is intended to help you connect with the ldquosubjectrdquo of thisexistence or the ldquoIrdquoWe identify ourselves by the states we go through thethingswepossessandtheobjectswerelatetoAnswerssuchasldquoIamrichrdquoorldquoIamsadrdquoleadtoafalseidentification
Thekindofself-inquiryIrsquomindicating isbestconductedwhenworkingondiscarding the object-based identitymdashwhat I ammdashin order to discover thesubject-basedonewhoIamIt isaquestfor thetrueself inall thatwedo ineverythoughteveryspeecheveryaction
Thereasontoperformself-inquiryisthatwedonrsquotpurporttoknowwhoweareandgriefoffersusplentytodoubtTheskillfulquestioningisnotjustrelatedtowhatfamilyyoubelongtoorwhichcountryyouwereborninratheritseekstounmaskyouressentialidentityasanembodiedSpiritThatpartofyourselfasitrelatestoldquoIrdquoisnotidentifiedwiththephysical
Itconnectsyouwiththepureawarenessofwhoyouareratherthanwhatyouare aware of Bear in mind that the difference between object and subjectappearssubtletousandthatweareinherentlyconfusedaboutthesetworealmsOther clarifying questions are Who is feeling sad Who is experiencinganxietyWho is feeling lonely and fearfulMost grievers do not want to bedefinedbytheirgriefthistechniquehelpsconnectwiththeonewitnessingthesufferingnotthesufferingitself
COGNITIVEREFRAMING
VickiPanagotacos (2012292) agiftedAmericangrief therapist proposesfouressentialquestionstoguidetheprocessofenvisioninganewselfandanewlifebydefiningcertainparametersmostofusneedtodealwithIrsquovefoundthatherquestionsareskillful insupportingagrieverrsquospracticeofatmavicharaorself-inquiryThefourquestionsareasfollows
1 Whatdoyouwanttoincludeinyourlife
2 Whatdonrsquotyouwanttoincludeinyourlife
3 Whatdoyouhaveinyourlifethatyouwanttoeliminate
4 Whatdoyouhaveinyourlifethatyouwanttokeep
PanagotacosproposeswritingdowntheanswersoneeachonseparatepagesIn her therapy practice she dedicates a session to providing a final list to herclients including the answers to question 1 plus the ldquoconverted answersrdquo toquestions23and4(ForexampleldquoIdonrsquotwanttomoverdquoconvertstoldquoIwantto stay where I am livingrdquo [293]) I suggest you convert your answers toquestions23and4thenwriteadocumentwithyourfinallistThesearegreatquestionstoaskyourselftopromoteawarenessofyourpersonaljourneyandtofindyourselfinyournewlifeplans
According toKarenWhitleyBellwhowroteLiving at theEnd of LifeAHospiceNurseAddressestheMostCommonQuestions(2010)oneofthemostcommon comments of dying individuals when asked about what they regretabouttheirlivesisthattheywishtheywouldhavelivedmoreaccordingtotheirdesiresthanothersrsquoexpectationsWhileourlivescanonlybebreathedthroughourownnostrils sometimeswe adopt other peoplersquos beliefs aboutwhatrsquos bestforusandassumethemasguidinglightsItisonlythroughfulfillingtheneedsandthedeepdesiresofourheartsthatwecanachieveourdestinyflowingintheuniversalorderofallexistingthings
AtreedoesnotdevelopbranchesjustforbirdstoperchratherbecausethebranchesformthatisinthenatureofthetreersquosdevelopmentandunfoldingThefact thatabirdcanperchon itsbranch is just soandnot the treersquos reasonforbeing
IfyourpreviousidentitywasbasedonothersrsquoneedsyoucannowredesignandredefineanewbyaccessingoneofhumanityrsquosessentialdesiresldquothedesireforpurposethedrivetobecomewhoyouaremeanttoberdquoasexpressedbyRodStryker (2011 35) ldquoYour long-term happiness and fulfillmentrdquo he continuesldquodependonyourabilitytofulfillyourpersonaldharmaandfilltheplaceintheworldthatonlyyoucanfillrdquo
WhatArethePossibleMeaningsofFindingaNewIdentityAfterLoss
Oneoftheamazingfeaturesofthehumanbrainisitsabilitytoassignmeaningto our experiencesThis is due to the presenceof the neocortex a vast net ofinterconnected neurons that complement the functions of the reptilian braininteractingwiththelimbicsystemandtheemotionalbrainThisemotionalpartof thebrain appeared inmammals only just a fewmillionyears agoSowhat
doesthisprocessoftransformationmeanforanindividualThereisnoshortageofmeanings
FindingaLightattheEndoftheTunnel
Despair iscommoningriefbecausesometimes in thevastdarknessof theprocesswecannotenvisionhowlifecouldpossiblygoonItislikebeingstuckinadarktunnelunabletosenselightattheotherend
Thismetaphor often refers to the impossibility of identifying a solutionorresolution for an existing situation when we are in the thick of it ExistencecontinuesafterlossandsocanweBytrustingthatthereislightsomewhereandthat thedarknessinwhichweareimmersedinthepresentmomentwillnotbethere forever we can relax knowing that in time it too will change likeeverythingelsedoes
ThecaseofoneofmyclientsJoancomestomindFeelingboredpracticingConcentratedGazingsheaskedmetousealitcandleforthedistantfocalpointinsteadofablackdotHerassumptionwasthatthedancingflamewouldpreventherfromfeelingdrowsy
Because she had defined the experience of her grief aswalking through adarktunnelwithnoendIproposedtokeepthisimageinmindasshepracticedThis conscious ldquoshiftingrdquo of attention from her present reality of pain andconfusiontothepromiseofanenlightenedfutureservedasapowerfulmetaphorforJoanPerformingthisformofConcentratedGazingshetookthismetaphorofthelightattheendofthetunneltothephysicalrealmofherpractice
Focusingtheeyeonthedistantobjectbecameasymbolofherwillingnesstoface the unknown future projecting her intention tomove beyond the presentfeelings of pain confusion and isolation Even thoughwemight bemired indarknessanddespairthearcofourvisioncarriesustoadeeperrealityonefromwhichweemergestrongerandwiserThankstothisconsciousworkweareabletoovercomethenegativeanticipatorythinkingthathasensnaredus
WhileteachingaclassattheUniversityofCaliforniandashBerkeleyIoncehearda seasoned therapist share her newly found observation She stated that afterthirty-fiveyearsofcounselingclientsshesawthatalltherapeuticworkisbasedindealingwithgrief
Althoughmostgrievingindividualscertainlywouldpreferaquickfixthosewhochose to laboriouslyengage ingriefworkcanfindhope regain trustand
reducetheirpainEnticedbythepossibilityofabetterlifeonemoreabundantinlightandself-lovetheyrealizethatjustontheothersideoftheveilofdarknessissomuchmorethanmostofuseverthoughtpossibleWeenvisionthepositiveoutcomeofourgriefworka torchthatblazesat theothersidewiththenewlydiscoveredknowledgeofself
ExperiencingRebirth
Sometimestheexperienceofarrivingtoanewselfissointensethatpeoplerefer to it as a new birth or a rebirth This is something Irsquove seen happenparticularlyinthecaseofcancerpatientsPeoplefacingcancerhaveaprimarylossofhealthbuttheyalsofacesecondarylossessuchasthelossoftheabilityto perform familiar activities or the loss of hair due to chemotherapyrsquossecondaryeffects
Once losses have been normalized a surprising number of cancer patientsexpress enjoying newly cherished aspects of life They have reported feelingdeeper gratitude delighting in delicate interpersonal contact embodying adeeper knowing of their personal needs and more actively participating inincreasedcompassionateself-care
ManyperceivethisasanewlifeOftencancerpatientswillrefertothedateofdiagnosisasakindofldquosecondbirthdayrdquo
THEMYTHOFTHEPHOENIX
Thephoenixamythicalbirdthatobtainsnewlifebyrisingfromtheashesofits predecessorThe aftermath of the shockingdevastationof loss is describedusing imagery referring to scorched landscapes after a fire empty colorlessvacant dark and lifeless Using this metaphor imagine what this charredlandscape home to so many different animals plants and trees might havecontainedbeforeTheashescontaintherecordedimprintofthepreexistingfaunaandfloraaswellastheelementsthathelpthesoilbecomemorefertileandthatimprove theoverallhealthof the forestDespite theabsenceofwhatwas losttheirmemoryisretainedconcentratedintheashwhichfertilizestheforestfloorandfacilitatesregrowth
Byremainingpresentforthefeelingsthatcomeupingriefwebecomelikethe phoenix created anew from the ashes left behind by loss In her beautifulshortpieceonthelossofason-in-lawKimberleyPittman-Schulzwritesthatldquoto
grieve one deathmeans always to grieve twordquo (2011 16) This is true for somanyof thepeoplehollowedoutby theirexperienceof lossWhatever timeittakesmdashmonthsoryearsmdashtobecomeawareofhowdeeplyalosshaspenetratedus we have the option of living in honor of the departed or deceased byfollowingourpath
Themythofthephoenixisapowerfuloneforunderstandinghowfromthedepths of the ashes a new being is born rising high above the place of oursorrowanddespairendowedwithnewperspectivesandacquiredwisdom
HonoringtheLegacyoftheDeparted
Other than profoundly negative relationships the severance of whichprovidesreliefmostofuswanttocontinuethebondsfindingwaystohonorthelegacyofwhatwehavelost
MostlywechoosetobelievethatthedepartedwouldpreferustobehappyandtostillfulfillourdreamsIndoingso thisbecomesawayofhonoringthememory and intentions of the departed and a way of staying in contact withthemItprovidesuswithafreshopportunitytoshareournewinformationaboutourselves andour accomplishmentswith thedeceased in a figurativeway thatwebelievewouldmakethemhappy
Itallowsourbodies toengage inanaction thesimpleactionof livingourlivesinabetterwayWecannottouchthehandofalostchildorphysicallyhugalostpetyetwefindnewendeavorstoaccomplishldquoinhonorofrdquoldquoasrelatedtordquoandldquointhenameofrdquothedepartedbringingnewmeaningtotheloss
This can serve us by acknowledging and attending to the unfinishedbusiness and still effect perceptive changes even in our relationshipwith thedeceased
BeinganExampletoOthers
OursocietyisnotcomfortablewithgriefnordoesitoffersuitableoutletsforexpressionoftherelatedfeelingsInsteadgriefoftengetssweptundertherugAcommonbelief is thatwegetoverourgriefwith thepassageof timeNothingcouldbefurtherfromthetruththereisnoldquogettingoverrdquoourgriefanditdoesnot simply fade away with time By being patient with our own process weteachotherspatienceByconsciouslyaddressingoursymptomsweteachothers
about self-care By properly naming our feelings and speaking our truth weteachotherstoheargrieversoutandconsolethem
Finding a new identity after loss requires awareness and presence for themultitudeofinsightsgriefoffersBydoingourworkandsharingourexperiencewebecomeamodelanexamplethatotherscanbenefitfromintheirownlivesSociety loves those characters who are secure solid assertive and exhibitdominionoveruncertaintiesEveryonegravitates toward theherowhohumblyunderstands personal weaknesses has self-reliant qualities and has integratedacquiredknowledgeandwisdom
Aswetransitthegrievingprocessfromourheartsandtheintricaciesofourmindswediscoverourresilienceandstrengthenourskillsdefiningabetterlifeandsettingagoodexampletobewitnessedbyothers
LearningNewWaysofLoving
Our new identity can offer a different relationship between love andattachmentonethatmovesawayfrompresentingthemasequalIonceheardanotedprofessionalsaythatgriefisthepricewepayforlovebutintruthgriefisthepricewepayforattachment
Todifferentiate love fromattachmentwe set anewstandardofpossibilityboth with others and for ourselves Societies flourishing in balance and truthstartwithindividualsandrightnowthatisyouandme
Bymakingloveandattachment thesamewemistake the impermanentforpermanent and insteadof lovingunconditionallywe create the conditions forcodependenceByunderstandinghowtocontinuelovinginthefaceofabsencewe liberate love from itsmaterial basis and liberate ourselves in the processThen love achieves its full force becoming capable of transforming inunexpected ways undoing the old and granting us access to a new way oflovingourselveswithfreedomandrespect
SinkingintotheOrderoftheUniverse
The universal order is already in existence and sinking into it promotesactionsthatreinforcetheprincipleofpronoiawhichdictatesthattheuniverseisconspiring in your highest good in both the internal and externalworlds Theacceptanceofthisfactreestablishesourtrustinlifeandbringsasenseofhope
thatiselusivewhileingriefChangeisaconstantforceintheorderoftheuniverseAsyoubecomeaware
of personal choices that no longer serve you trusting the universal forceactivates conscious envisioning of new more appropriate options AnotheressentialyogictruthexpressesthatldquoalltheknowledgeyouneedforyourlifeisalreadywithinyourdquoConsidering thiscanhelpyoubreak free frompreviouslyheldbeliefsthatcauseresistance
IndoingsoyouremovethefirstofthefivecausesofsufferingasstatedbyPatanjali inTheYogaSutras ignoranceof the truthReplacing ignorancewithknowledgebasedonourpresentrealityisoftangiblebenefittogrievers
Theresultingfeeling issimilar towhatweexperiencewhenweswimwiththe current or when we sleep at night a sense of going with the flowcharacterizedbycomfortandeaseThatdoesnotmeantheabsoluteabsenceofstruggleItsuggeststhataswepracticeweencounteraccommodatingmomentsthatallowus togetcomfortablealongwith thediscomfortor relaxwithin theunrestfeelingeaseinthemidstofcomplexity
Yourecognizethatyouarepartofalargerorganismabundantinactivityandpulsatingwith lifeTheacceptance thatyouarepartofacommunityofotherswhohavehopesdesiresandfearsjustlikeyoudocanbeapowerfulantidotetotheparalyzingisolationofgrief
Youcanchangeanidentityestablishedontheoldmodelofattachmentsandembrace a new one based on the synchronicity of your coexistence with theuniverseMost of thework in yoga is related to understanding this union andallowing it to be lifersquos guiding light Transforming our grief offers theopportunity most of us seek to access to bathe in the universal wisdom andbecome part of the whole This experience changes our life forever in theintimacyofoursolitudeorinthecompanyoftherestofhumanity
GriefiswithoutadoubtthemostintenseinvitationtoacknowledgetheunionofallexistingthingsIhaveknownItnotonlyforcesustolivewithamazinglycontradictoryfeelingsandemotionssuchasldquoIdonrsquotwanttoeverthinkofhimagainmdashIdonrsquotwanttoeverforgethimrdquobutalsobecausewearepromptedtogothroughextremelyoppositeconditionsinourbodiesaswellfromfeelingfullofenergywhenexperiencingtheinitialshockofalosstofeelingdeepfatigueafewdayslaterAsconfusingastheseextremesmightseemtoourmindsourheartsfind solace and relief when able to link these opposing feelings and thoughtswith the word ldquoandrdquo A significant part of the new identity results fromsubstituting the limiting ldquobutrdquo for a more inclusive ldquoandrdquo Just think of how
differentitfeelstohearyourselfsayingldquoIwanttoremarrybutnootherwomanwilllovemethesamewayrdquoversusldquoIwanttoremarryandnootherwomanwilllove me the same wayrdquo The very presence of the word ldquobutrdquo is divisiveseparatingnotconducivetoreconciliationmdashqualitiesthatgrieversneednomoreofOnthecontraryldquoandrdquoisinclusiveunitinganinvitationtoreconcileTheseareallmilestonesforagrieveralonghisorherjourneythroughgrief
Aswe conclude the discussion of how to transform grief into a source ofself-knowledge toward a new identity I would like to revive the image of awindmillasametaphorforthisprocessoftransformationJustasthewindmillbladesaremovedbywindourwholebeingissweptupbythemysteryoflossThisnaturalphenomenon iswhatsparks the transformationofhardgrains intoedible flour just as loss forcesus to transform thedepthsofwhoweareThenewly created flour is the starting point of a future meal just as the newlyacquiredknowledgewehavegainedfromlossisthestartingpointofanewldquoIrdquo
ConclusionldquoSolitudehassoftsilkyhandsbutwithstrongfingersitgraspstheheartand
makesitachewithsorrowSolitudeistheallyofsorrowaswellasacompanionofspiritualexaltationrdquo
mdashKahlilGibran(200559)
GriefaffectsusonthedeepestlevelimaginableinallaspectsofourhumanitythephysicalmentalandspiritualBecausesomuchofouridentityiswrappedupinpreviousattachmentswhethergoodorbadthatidentityisstrippedawaywhenwe lose thosepersonsorobjects towhichwersquovebecomeattachedTheyoftenloomsolargelyinourworldthatwerarelytaketimetoquestionhowourlives might be affected by their absence When that moment comes we areforced to answer that question Regardless of our cultural background orreligiousaffiliationwefeel thatuniquesensationthatcomeswithlossBeyondany name we can find for it our whole being ldquoknowsrdquo what we are goingthrough
ThisbookisbornfromthatfeelingdeepwithinmeitisonemoreexpressionofhowmygriefpermeatedmyactionsthoughtsandwordsInowrealizethatfully embracing my personal grief along with my passion for working withgrievers professionally has been a way of emotionally relocatingmymotherandinevitablymyselfTheldquoIrdquospeakingtoyouinthepagesofthisbookcouldnotexistwithoutfirsthavingtransformedmyowngrief
Irsquove shared information about many aspects of grief that can help younormalize yours Please know that loss is part of the human condition andsooneror later grief is felt byallUnderstandinghowEast andWestdiffer intheir view of grief may help you tolerate your contradicting feelings andthoughtsYourpresentrealityisinawayinducedbyyourbrainBepatientallthroughoutlifeyourbrainadaptsbyrewiringitselfthroughexperiencemdashsocanyou
Irsquove offered tools to transform your physical reality through body
movementsandpostures aswell as to reshapeyourmentalpanorama throughbreath work and connect with the deep wisdom of your Spirit throughmeditation Irsquove given suggestions to tailor your practice according to yourabilitiesandneedsUnderstanding the relationshipbetween the techniquesandthewaysthetechniquesaffectgriefcaninformyourchoicesastowhichofthemtopractice
ThesimpleactofpracticingismoreimportantthananyonespecificexercisecontainedinthisbookWhathelpsyoumostisprovingtoyourselfthatyouhavetheintentiontochangePracticewillhelpyoufindwaysofkeepinganenduringconnectionwithwhoorwhathasdepartedwhilerelatingtoyournewemergingselfAsyouwitnessyourselfthepracticehasalreadybegun
ThroughthepowerofyogayouareabletoplungeintothedepthsthathousenotonlyyourpainbutalsoyourtrueselfItisoftenduringthistimethatweareabletomakereallastingchangesthatputusonanewpathtowardgreaterself-fulfillment and ultimate acceptance of the laws of the Universemdashour humbleessenceisjustonemoregrainofsandontheshoresofexistence
In our modern society we tend to trek through life at a breakneck pacestopping to look and listen only rarely either when itrsquos convenient or mostcommon when we are shocked into awareness Loss itself causes the soul-stirring awakening that transforms us even though grief asks not if we arepreparedforsuchtransformativework
Timeisanessentialpartof theprocess justnot theonlyonePayingcloseattentiontothewisdomofourSpiritisrequiredBereavementisatimewhentheSpirit can be contacted most readily because its latent power is clearlyaccessibleAsyoutranscendtheapparentdualityofexistenceyouwillfindthatlifeanddeathabsenceandpresencearepartofonecontinuumandcannotstripyouoftheloveresidingunderneathyoursuffering
TheyogapracticeIrsquovesharedwithyouisnottohelpavoidsufferingratherit is toaidyou in finding reliefAsyouexperienceyourgriefmore fullyyoumove closer to the unique being that you truly are Grief then becomes anaturally humbling invitation to self-reflection not something to be reviled orshunnedManyculturesacceptdeathasatimeofrenewalasapreciousmomentthat teaches us about the bonds we all share including the one with oneselfWhen loss occurs many of us let in loneliness for the first time As youacknowledge the life that has departed you also feel the life that still resideswithinandyouareinvitedtorecognizethatonedaythislifewilltoodepart
This isyour time toaccessasacredspacesetyour intentionsandwitness
theunfoldingoflifeonebreathinonebreathoutYouaretheonewhoneedsacknowledgmentinthismomentmorethananythingelseHereyogacanonceagain assist you Just consider one of yogarsquos core teachings ldquoWhat we arelookingforistheonewhoislookingrdquoYouareonyourwayhellip
GlossaryASANA
PhysicalmovementorposturetraditionallyfoundinthesystemofyogaByfirstaddressing thephysicalasanas help establish a strong foundation in the bodybeforemoreadvancedexercisesandmeditationareperformed
ATTACHMENTTHEORY
Theory pioneered by the behaviorist John Bowlby that discusses how we ashumanbeingsformemotionalbondsasinfantsandchildrenthatthendetermineourlove-relatedbehaviorsintoadulthood
AYURVEDA
AscienceoflifeayurmeaninglifeandvedameaningscienceorknowledgeItoffersabodyofwisdomdesignedtohelppeoplestayvitalwhilerealizingtheirfullhumanpotentialProvidingguidelinesonidealdailyandseasonalroutinesAyurvedaremindsusthathealthisthebalancedanddynamicintegrationofourenvironmentmindbodyandspirit
CHAKRAS
Energetic centers in the physical body that correspond to different nerveplexuses and endocrine glands aswell as certain emotional and psychologicaltraitsEachchakrasignifiesdifferentstagesofhumanevolution
DEGRIEFINGPROCESS
An integrated approach to grief therapy pioneered by Lyn Prashant thatincorporates bodywork traditional grief counseling and complementarytherapies
JWILLIAMWORDEN
American psychologist and grief counselor who created the ldquotasksrdquo model ofgrievingwhich identifies four tasks thegrievermust transit to fulfillanormalgrievingprocess
MEDITATION
MeditationisidentifiedbyPatanjaliwhowroteTheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliasthe primary means by which the practitioner achieves liberation It usuallyentailslimitingtherangeofchangeofthemindtobringaboutcalmandfocus
NORMALIZATION
Theconcept encountered ingrief therapy thatgrief symptomsarenormal andthat thesufferingagriever feelsaftera loss isnot tobeshunned It takes intoaccount both cultural and familial dismissals of grief This is often away forgrieverstofirstaccepttherealityoftheirlossandtostartprocessingthroughthepainoftheirgrief
PRANAYAMA
BreathingexercisestraditionallyfoundinthesystemofyogaBymanipulatingtheprana(lifeforce)pranayamaleadsustooperateontheconsciousnessitself
PRIMARYLOSS
The loss of a loved one object or ideal that occurs first and causes a typicalgriefreaction
PSYCHOPHYSIOLOGY
Multidisciplinarystudyofpsychologybiologyandneurologythatdemonstrateshowenvironmentalfactorsinfluenceusonapsychologicallevel
SADHANA
A spiritual practice that advocates a set of practical exercises to establishregularitythatsustainedovertimeleadsustospiritualfulfillment
SANKALPA
Theyogic principle ofResolveThis helps aid practitioners in identifying andsettinggoalsfortheirpracticeandthereforetheirlives
SECONDARYLOSSES
Lossesthatoccurasaresultoftheprimarylosshavingoccurred
SHATKARMA
Cleansing exercises that help purify both the body and mind preparing thepractitionerformeditation
YOGA
Asix-thousand-year-olddisciplinefromancientIndiawherebythroughphysicalexercises breath work and meditation we can overcome the suffering weencounterinlifeandcontactourSpirit
YOGACHIKITSA
Manrsquosfirstattemptatunitiveunderstandingofthemindemotionsandphysicaldistressandtheoldestholisticconceptandtherapyintheworld
YOGATHERAPY
Westernmodulationoftheoriginaldisciplineofyogaoftenperformedone-on-onethatcombinestraditionaltherapeuticmodelswiththebenefitsbestowedbythepracticeofyoga
ReferencesBegleySharon2007ldquoTheBrainHowtheBrainRewiresItselfrdquoTimeJanuary
192007httpcontenttimecomtimemagazinearticle09171158043800html
BhaktivedantaACSwamiPrabhupada1972Bhagavad-GitaasItIsLosAngelesBhaktivedantaBookTrust
Boleyn-FitzgeraldMiriam2010PicturesoftheMindWhattheNewNeuroscienceTellsUsAboutWhoWeAreNewYorkFTPress
BowlbyJohn1969AttachmentandLossVol1AttachmentNewYorkBasicBooks
BowlbyJohn1972AttachmentandLossVol2SeparationAnxietyandAngerNewYorkBasicBooks
BrezsnyRob2009PronoiaIstheAntidoteforParanoiaRevisedandExpandedHowtheWholeWorldisConspiringtoShowerYouwithBlessingsBerkeleyCANorthAtlanticBooks
BrobergAndersG2000ldquoAReviewofInterventionsintheParentndashChildRelationshipInformedbyAttachmentTheoryrdquoActaPaeligdiatrica89(434)37ndash42
BryantEdwinFed2009TheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliANewEditionTranslationandCommentaryNewYorkFarrarStrausandGiroux
DavidsonRichard2012TheEmotionalLifeofYourBrainHowItsUniquePatternsAffecttheWayYouThinkFeelandLivemdashandHowYouCanChangeThemNewYorkHudsonStreetPress
DiamondLisaM2001ldquoContributionsofPsychophysiologytoResearchonAdultAttachmentReviewandRecommendationsrdquoPersonalityandSocialPsychologyReview5(4)276ndash95
DiemerDeedre1998TheABCsofChakraTherapyAWorkbookYorkBeach
MaineSamuelWeiserInc
FreudSigmund1953ldquoMourningandMelancholiardquoInCollectedPapersVolIVeditedbyErnestJones152ndash70LondonTheHogarthPress
GardnerJames2002ldquoSomaticAspectsofLossandGriefrdquoNotesforUCBerkeleyExtensionContinuingEducationWorkshopBerkeleyCalifOctober26ndash27
GardnerJames2010ldquoTheAnxietyToolboxProgramrdquohttpwwwanxietytoolboxcomtoolboxindexhtm
GibranKahlil2005ldquoSilentSorrowrdquoInTheKahlilGibranReaderInspirationalWritingstranslatedbyAnthonlyRFerris59ndash61NewYorkCitadelPress
GoetheJohannWolfgangvon(attributed)DateunknownFromldquoUntilOneIsCommittedhelliprdquobyMeredithLeeGoetheSocietyofNorthAmericalastmodifiedMarch51998httpwwwgoethesocietyorgpagesquotescomhtml
LowenAlexander1994BioenergeticsTheRevolutionaryTherapyThatUsestheLanguageoftheBodytoHealtheProblemsoftheMindNewYorkPenguinArkana
LuncheHowardJ1999UnderstandingGriefAGuidefortheBereavedBerkeleyCASVLPress
MainMaryandJudithSolomon1986ldquoDiscoveryofanInsecureDisorientedAttachmentPatternProceduresFindingsandImplicationsfortheClassificationofBehaviorrdquoInAffectiveDevelopmentinInfancyeditedbyTBerryBrazeltonandMichaelYogmanNewYorkAblexPublishing
PanagotacosVicki2012ldquoDefiningandEnvisioningSelfrdquoInTechniquesofGriefTherapyCreativePracticesforCounselingtheBereavededitedbyRobertANeimeyerNewYorkRoutledge
Pascual-LeoneAlvaro2001ldquoTheBrainThatPlaysMusicandIsChangedByItrdquoAnnalsoftheNewYorkAcademyofSciences930315ndash29
PertCandace1997MoleculesofEmotionWhyYouFeeltheWayYouFeelNewYorkScribner
Pittman-SchulzKimberley2011ldquoLightHeldTogetherByWaterrdquoTheSunMagazineOctober162011
PrashantLyn2002TheArtofTransformingGriefAPracticalGuideforCombiningConventionalandComplementaryMind-BodyTherapiesSanAnselmoCalifSelf-published
PrashantLyn2005Keynotespeechatthe12thAnnualNationalAlzheimerrsquosConferenceMayoClinicRochesterMinnNovember
RandoTherese1993TreatmentofComplicatedMourningChampaignIllResearchPress
RawatPremPalSingh1990March16LectureatThePremRawatFoundationBuenosAiresArgentina
ReichWilhelm1949CharacterAnalysisNewYorkFarrarStrausandGiroux
RosenbaumBentandSverreVarvin2007ldquoTheInfluenceofExtremeTraumatizationonBodyMindandSocialRelationsrdquoInternationalJournalofPsychoanalysis88(6)1527ndash42
SatyanandaSwami1976FourChaptersonFreedomBiharIndiaYogaPublicationsTrust
SatyanandaSwami1985KundaliniTantraBiharIndiaYogaPublicationsTrust
SelbyJohn1992KundaliniAwakeningAGentleGuidetoChakraActivationandSpiritualGrowthNewYorkBantamBooks
StrykerRod2011TheFourDesiresCreatingaLifeofPurposeHappinessProsperityandFreedomNewYorkDelcortePress
SubramuniyaswamiSivaya1999WeaverrsquosWisdomAncientPreceptsforaPerfectLifeKapaaHIHimalayanAcademy
UlvestadElling2012ldquoPsychoneuroimmunologyTheExperientialDimensionrdquoMethodsinMolecularBiology93421ndash37
VandenBergBellisAlbertWongPetervanderVeldenHendriekBoshuizenandLindaGrievink2012ldquoDisasterExposureasaRiskFactorforMentalHealthProblemsEighteenMonthsFourandTenYearsPost-DisasterALongitudinalStudyrdquoBMCPsychiatry12147ndash60
WhitleyBellKaren2010LivingattheEndofLifeAHospiceNurseAddressestheMostCommonQuestionsNewYorkSterlingPublishing
WeintraubAmy2004YogaforDepressionACompassionateGuidetoRelieveSufferingThroughYogaNewYorkBroadwayBooks
WordenJWilliam2009GriefCounselingandGriefTherapyAHandbookfortheMentalHealthPractitioner4thedNewYorkSpringerPublishingCo
AntonioSausysMAIGTCMTRYTisasomaticpsychotherapistandyogainstructorspecializing inone-on-oneyoga therapy forpeoplewithchronicandacutemedicalconditionsaswellasemotionalimbalanceHestudiedwithyogamasters and teachers such as Indra Devi Swami Maitreyananda and LarryPayne He has continued his professional development with training inintegrative grief therapy with Lyn Prashant foot reflexology SwedishtherapeuticmassageandReikiAntonioteachesandlecturesperiodicallyattheUniversityofCaliforniaBerkeleyattheCaliforniaInstituteofIntegralStudiesKripaluCenterforYogaandHealthHeisamemberoftheWorldYogaCounciltheInternationalAssociationofYogaTherapistsandtheAssociationforDeathEducationandCounselingHeisthefounderandexecutivedirectorofYogaforHealthmdashthe International Yoga Therapy Conference and television host forYogiViewsFormoreinformationvisityogaforgriefreliefcom
TheauthorthankshisfreelanceeditorElliottVogel forhiscreativeassistanceonYogaforGriefReliefVogelisafreelancewriterandeditorAstudentofyogaforovertenyearsVogelrsquosjourneystudyingthephilosophyandpracticeofyogaoriginatedunderthetutelageofthebookrsquosauthorAntonioSausysHecurrentlyresidesinMillValleyCA
Foreword writer Lyn Prashant PhD FT IGT SYVC is a somaticthanatologist certified grief counselor massage therapist yoga instructorauthorandinternationalpresenterSheisthedirectorandfounderofDegriefingreg
(IntegrativeGriefTherapy)andtheInstituteofSomaticThanatology
- Contents
- Acknowledgments
- Foreword
- Introduction
- Grief A Normal Response to Loss
-
- Defining Grief The Western View
- Four Tasks of Mourning A Road Map for the Grieving Process
- Grief and the Brain
-
- Yoga and Grief
-
- The Five Spokes on the Wheel of Suffering
- Griefrsquos Challenge to Spirituality
- Love Beyond Attachment
-
- How the Yoga for Grief Relief Practice Works
-
- How This Practice Was Born
- The Active Principles of the Practice
- How the Practice Functions as a Whole
-
- What You Can Do The Yoga Practice
-
- Accepting Life Fully
- Unblocking the Flow of the Life Force
- Whisking Up the Feelings
- Let Go
- Sleep Better and Awaken to a New Perspective
- Control Is Somehow Possible
- Bringing Calm to a Scattered Mind and a Distressed Body
- Dissolving Old Patterns and Reprogramming the Mind with Intention
- Opening to Spirit
-
- Designing the Logistical Aspects of Your Practice
-
- Setting the Intention
- Should You Practice Alone or Under Guidance
- Is It Better to Practice Individually or in a Group
- Is It Safe to Do This Practice by Yourself
- Which Exercises Are Best for Me
- Where Should I Practice
- When Should I Practice
- For How Long Should I Practice
- Your Practice Changes as You Do
-
- The Process of Transformation
-
- Finding a New Identity After Loss
- How Can the Transformation Be Accomplished
- What Are the Possible Meanings of Finding a New Identity After Loss
-
- Conclusion
- Glossary
- References
-
askedifhewouldliketoparticipateHisresponsewaspassionateandgenuineexhibitingcontinuedinterestdevotionandcommitment
YogaforGriefReliefisanoffshootoftheDegriefingprocessrepresentingtheworkof IntegrativeGriefTherapyat its core It directly relates to somaticthanatology which uses integrative therapeutic interventions as externalizingtoolsinvolvingthebodymindandspiritEachindividualchoosesandusesthetoolsthatwillhelphimorhernavigatetheuncharteredwatersofgriefYogaisthe master transformer by offering teaching and options for everything andeveryone Grief turns us inside out and upside down and so does yogacompassionately lovingly individually itmeetsuswhereweare inourselvesYogaguidesustoawayoflifethatpromoteshealthyintentionalchangeItisawayofself-loveandloveforall
IsawinAntoniotheinfinitepossibilitiesandwide-rangingopportunitiesforhimtoassistthebereavedIfoundthathishighlyskilledapproachalongwithhisexpert training in both the yogic tradition and body-oriented psychotherapyprovidedhimwithamind-bodybalancecosmicallysuitedforhislifeworkasayogamasterHeisdevotedtothehighestgoodforeveryoneandisalovingandfiercetaskmastertransmittingtheknowledgeoftheyogicwayoflivingIknewthatAntoniowastheonetocarryforththeDegriefingworkthroughYoga
ItisallhereinthisimportantbookItdelicatelycombinesandcorrelatestheuseofEasternwisdomwithWesternphilosophyWearegrievinggloballyandneedadoseofuniversalknowledgetopromotebalancewithineachoneofus
This book is a gift a friend and a tool It offers maps to demystify andnormalize aspects of grieving by presenting options for transforming ourphysical grief balancing systems compromised by its profound and humblingeffectsSincewearejumbledscatteredandshatteredalreadyweareinaprimeposition to integratenewcopingskills fora lifebased in thebuddingsenseofournewlyrevealedpersonalreality
InYogaforGriefReliefwelearntoexpressnotrepresstoexternalizenotinternalizetobreatheagainandrelocateallourlossestoourheartcentersowecan thrive within our newly met self Antoniorsquos work has furthered thedevelopment of Degriefingrsquos basic premises and illuminates the process ofworking with our grief Yoga provides support for all the systems and is thecontainerforintegrationofmind-body-spirit
Read and cherish this book digest it share it and embody the relief youseekWith the teachings of yoga and Antoniorsquos astute guidance take a deepbreathandbuckleyourpsychicseatbeltYouareonyourwayhome
mdashLynPrashantPhD
Introduction
GriefisaradicalopportunitytotransformourawarenessbutfewofusknowitWhenIwastwentyyearsoldmymotherdiedofastrokeFortwoandahalfyears I lived in a state of denial completely disconnected frommy feelingsWhenIwasfinallyabletobewithmypainIdiscoveredtomyastonishmentthatmybodyhadcreatedanadditionalcalciumdepositbetweenoneofmyribsandthebreastbonemdashwhatthebodywillsometimesdoinresponsetoafractureIn essence what my mind had been hiding my body showed with pristineclarityIhadabrokenheart
As life continued after the loss of my mother I began training with LynPrashant an outstanding grief counselor and therapist and creator of theDegriefingprocessacomprehensivemind-bodyapproachtogrieftherapyShehelpedmelearnthatgriefisoneofourleast-tappedsourcesofself-knowledgeSometime after starting to work together Lyn asked me to develop a yogapractice to address the body-centered effects of grief which can range fromfeelings of lethargy to dull aches tightness in the chest cavity shortness ofbreathandsleeplessnessIwaswellequippedthroughmytrainingasasomaticpsychotherapist and yoga teacher But it was my own personal experience ofgrief that led me to build a sadhana or spiritual discipline that eventuallybecameaholisticpracticeIcallYogaforGriefRelief
Today many of us though we donrsquot know it live in a perpetual state ofunacknowledgedgriefTherearemanyreasonsfor thisOneprimaryreason isthatweliveinasocietythatoftenshiesawayfromthepowerfulemotionsthatgriefpresentstousWeareoftenstoiclumberingthroughlosswithoutfeelingreturningtoworkorourdailylivesafterthelosslikenothinghappenedweburyourgriefdeepinsideofuswhereitremainstrappedbothinbodyandmind
Griefhappens in thebody yet thephysical symptoms that comeup in thegrievingprocessarenotalwaysdealtwithasdirectlyas theyshouldbeThesesymptomsarejustascommontothegrievingprocessasmentalandemotionalsymptomsandrequirejustasmuchattentioninordertobetreatedTalktherapycanbewonderfulbuttoooftenthebody-centeredeffectsofgriefgetsubsumedundertheemotionalissuesbeingdealtwithApersoncanatthesametimeandwith not much difficulty experience relief from these physical symptoms byperformingafewbasicexercisesTheseexercisesknowncollectivelyasyoga
weredevelopedmorethansixthousandyearsagobypeoplegiftedinthementalpowersofintuitionTheyrealizeddirectlywhatweintheWestarebeginningtounderstand today through the advent ofmodern science that the humanmindandbodytrulyshareaconnectionandinfluenceoneanotherandthat throughpracticeonecanlivefreelyinanabundanceofjoyandpresenceofSpirit
AbundanceofjoyYoumaythinkyouhavepickedupthewrongbooksincethesepagesare focusedongriefand themethods thatcanhelp thosesufferingfromitseffectsButIhaveexperiencedfirsthandthejoyyogacanprovideamidthemostoverwhelmingsorrowthehealingbroughtaboutbytheperformanceofsimple physical movements and different breathing techniquesmdashpractices youmayalreadybefamiliarwithWhatthisbookoffersisnotaldquoretreatrdquofromgriefnoraldquoreleaserdquofromgriefbutsimplysomerelieffromgriefOnceweareabletoworkphysicallywith the new reality loss has thrown us intowewill then beabletobetterunderstandwhatitisthathashappenedtousOnceweareabletoacknowledgethatononehandourliveswillneverbethesameandthatontheother hand all the potential of the universe lies within us a different picturestartstoemerge
LynPrashant affirms that ldquowedonrsquot get over our losseswe transformourrelationship to themrdquo and I agree with her one hundred percent Grief is apowerfulsourceofinformationaboutwhowearewhenwedaretolookThereisanaturalprogressionfromonetotheotherandifweareabletotransformourrelationship togrief inaway that results in improvedself-knowledge thenwecan establish a new identity We identify ourselves through the persons andthingsweareattachedtowhenwelosethemwelosepartofwhoweareYetwecontinuebeingonlyinawaythatisnotknowntousTheprocessoffindingoutwhothenewldquoonerdquoisismultilayeredItinvolvesunderstandinganddealingwith thephysical symptomsofgriefactuallycompleting thegrievingprocessandreidentifyingourselvesnotbasedonpreconceivedorprelearnednotionsbutinstead on our true essence the onewersquove come somuch closer to thanks tohavingbeenstrippedofourpreviousidentityForthattohappenwemustworkThesadhana Irsquovedevelopedoffersapracticemdashthefoundationfor theworkwemustdomdashandalongthewayIrsquollsharetoolstohelpusreapthebenefitsweareafter
Bysittingwithawarenesswestart toaccept thechangeswearenowfacedwithAsweconsciouslyworkwithandevenchallengeourlearnedreactionsweask What starts to emerge from the chaos that loss leaves behind It is agroundedindividualonewhoisable toaccept thenewrealityandtocontinuewithlifeacalmpractitionerevenacuriousyogiAndwhydowepracticeItis
for the same reason that people inmodern-day India sat in yogic postures sixthousandyearsagopracticingmeditationbecausethedesiretoresolvesufferingisuniversalWeallneedcopingmechanismsweallneedtreatmentsthatsootheourrestlessmindsandourachingbodiesbutaboveallweneedtheknowledgethatcanbegainedsimplybybaskinginonersquosinnersilence
The practice I have developed for transforming grief from a painfulexperienceintoaconscioussourceofself-knowledgeisintroducedinthisbookin a six-part sequence breathing exercises body movements cleansingtechniquesrelaxationmentalreprogrammingandmeditation
Thebreathingtechniqueshelpbringbackasenseofcontroltotheindividualbymanipulatingthepranaorvitalforcewhichhelpsunitethegapbetweentheconscious and the unconscious The body movements serve to manage thebodyrsquosphysicalsymptomsofgriefparticularlyaddressingpainandotheracutesymptomsThecleansing techniqueshelp reset theendocrinesystemaffectingthe fight-or-flight responsewhich plays an essential role in the grief reactionandthefeelingsassociatedwith itRelaxation is includedwith the intentionofdiminishing the stress levels that increase during grief The powerful yogicprincipleofResolvehelpsresetmentalpatternsandfocusesthemindtowardthetransformationofgriefFinallymeditationisusedtoaddresstheSpiritoncethebody is still and the mind is calm that which is neither body nor mind canmanifestmoreclearly
Themainasana (physical posture) of theYoga forGriefRelief practice iscalled theWindmill Symbolically the windmill serves as an analogy for theprocessoftransformationofgriefintoanewidentityTheforcesoftheunknownmdashthewindmdashpowerthemechanismsofthewindmilljustasthemysteryoflosscreatesachurninginthedepthsofourownselvesAsthewindmillutilizesthesometimeswildanddestructiveforceofwindenergytomechanicallytransformhardgrains intoedible flour the techniques in this sadhana can transformourSpiritsleftvacantbylossbutopentoreceivingtheknowledgethatexistswithinusJustasthegrainbeingpulverizedresultsinafinerqualityofflourtheyogaexercisessharedhereoperateataneurochemicallevelimprovingourmoodandstrengtheningourresolveinthefaceofinsurmountablelossNotonlydoesthephysical component of the practice make us feel better new patterns areestablished that link the conscious performance of certain exercises with anoverallsenseofwell-beingMoreneuroscientistsarediscoveringthatourbrainsare resilient organs capable of far more than we had previously given themcreditforespeciallyintherealmofemotionaldisordersandaddictionButtheconclusionsofmodernneuroscienceall seem topoint tooneessential truthof
biological determinism practice makes perfect Our brains are capable ofreformation but they require discipline Yoga is an ancient art one whosefounders realized the importance of practice for physical results in the bodylastingimpressionsoftranquilityinthemindandtheevolutionofthesoul
It is the techniques themselves that are the inspiration for this book ThepracticemdashanditseffectsmdashresonatesstronglyinmylifetodayandinthoseofmystudentswhohaveengagedinitTheaimofthispracticeistohelpyouacceptthe realityof lossand thenwork through thepainofgriefOnceapersoncanadjusttothisnewsituationorenvironmentwithoutthelovedonethenheorshecan emotionally reinvest the love attached to the lost person or object andembarkonanewlife
When lateron in lifemyfatherpassedawaydespitemyknowledgeof thegrievingprocessandtheawarenessIhaveaboutwhatpracticescanhelptraverseit nothing could save me from experiencingmdashagainmdashthat deep pain of lossThere is noway around grief going through it is the only healthyway ThisbookandthetechniquesIdemonstrateherearenotawayofldquogettingovergriefrdquoInstead of avoiding the feelings these techniques are designed to help younavigate through emotions that are not always pleasant Because of myexperienceasayogatherapistIhadanawarenessofwhatsomeofmyreactionsweregoingtobewhenmyfatherdiedandIknewIhadtoolsIcouldutilizetohelp normalize those reactions and emerge anew It ismyhope that this bookwillofferawindowtotheuniquewayyouexperienceyourowngriefandgiveyousomesimpletechniquesthatwillhelpyousafelyexplorethatexperience
Youmay benefit from reading this book if you are looking to explore orwork with grief in the intimacy of a home yoga practice or existing studioworkoutifyouwouldliketocomplementthegrieftherapythatyouarealreadyengaged in or if you work with grieving individuals in your profession andwouldliketointegratetheknowledgeofyogaintoyourexistingtoolbox
Inchapter1youwill find information thatwillhelpnormalizeyourgriefYouwillstarttounderstandtheuniquenessofyourgrievingprocessandatthesame time acknowledge someuniversal truths about it In chapter2 youwilllearnsomeofthesuccinctwisdomofyogawhichwillhelpyouunderstandgriefinadifferentculturalcontextandhowparticularenergycenters(chakras)reactwhenwegrieveThewisdomteachingsareaknowledgethatisinactioninallofusregardlessofourbackgroundsorbeliefsystems
Inchapter3youwilllearnabouteachgeneralcategoryofpracticeandhowtheycanbeusedtoaddressdifferentaspectsofthegrievingprocessChapter4
presentstheexercisesinasimplehow-tomannerincludinghoweachtechniquecan help transform grief Chapter 5 offers guidance on how to set up yourpracticeaccording towhatrsquospossible foryouandwhatyourpersonal intentionisThis chapter also showsyouhow to start framingyour ideal conditions forpractice identifying what you want to accomplish along with any possiblebarriersInanycasewhatrsquosmostimportantisthatyoumeetyourselfwhereyouareItmaysoundsimplebutisoftenachallengeforthosefacedwithloss
AfterlearningthetechniquesandstartingtoplanhowtointegratethemintoyourlifeyouwilldiscoverhowtheyogapracticeservesthegreaterprocessoftransformationthatawakensyourspiritualconnectionwithlifeInchapter6youwilllearntoidentifyoldpatternsandwaysofthinkingyouwouldliketodiscardandpromote thoseyounowwelcomeaspartof the journey towardyourmostcompleteversionofyourselfThoughyoumightnotyethavefinishedgrievingyoucan start to seeways inwhich theexperienceofgrief serves to transformyourlifebygettingtothecoreofwhoyoureallyare
AsyoureadthroughthisbookremembertobegentlewithyourselfUsethisbookasaguidedrawfrom itwhenneededand remember that inorder tobeeffective these techniquesneed to bepracticed Intellectual information is notwhatweareafter Ifourmindscould solve themysteryof lossandgriefyouwould not be reading this book nor would I have written it I hope that inreading this book and throughyour ownpractice youmay access the hiddengiftthatliestrappedinthepainfulexperienceofgrief
Chapter1
GriefANormalResponsetoLoss
Grief affects the physical mental spiritual and emotional aspects of ourhumanityItisournormalreactiontolossbutthistruismdoesnotmakeitanyeasiertodealwithWeseemtoliveasifthethingsweareattachedtoarealwaysgoing to be thereAndmany of uswere raised in cultures that do not openlyacknowledge grief When faced with the pain and shock of loss we feelawkward clueless and confused overwhelmed and unprepared to begin tosootheourselvesAphraseheardfrequentlyfromgrievingpeopleisldquoIfeelasifIamgoingcrazyrdquoSomeconsider theprocessofbereavement tobean illnessrather than a normal part of the human condition that seeks outlet andexpression The cries of heartbreak allow the body to achieve balance byfacilitatingthereleaseofstresshormonesandsoothingsomeofthephysicalpainencounteredingrief
People experience grief in different ways We experience a vast array ofemotionalandphysicalsymptomsfromtheagitatedandanxioustothelethargicanddepressedfrombodyachesandmusclestiffness todisruptionsinsleepingandeatinghabitsThecommonfactor inall thesesymptomsishowourbrainsareinvolvedinthegrievingprocessCurrentresearchexploringtherolethatthebrainplays inemotional life isdiscussedlater in thischapter inldquoGriefandtheBrainrdquo
Yoga forGriefRelief is an entireprogramdesigned to support and informyou in all aspects of bereavement Itrsquos important to recognize that while thegrieving process is profoundly uncomfortable it is actually normalHowevercomplicatedgrief that continues toprovokeunhealthybehaviorsover the longterm and that takes an extreme toll on the griever is often better served byprofessionalhelp
DefiningGriefTheWesternViewGriefisapervasiveforceendemictothehumanconditionandanessentialpartofouremotionalmakeupEachculturerelatestogriefuniquelyWhereyougrewup how openwas your society to discussing issues that produce griefWhatcommonfuneraryritualsdidyourcultureprovideWhatvalueswereextolledby
yourfamilyDidpeopleinyourlifetypicallydieathomeorinhospitalsDidyougrowupinalargehouseholdorareyouanonlychild
The answers to these questions can and often do significantly influencereactionstolossJust thinkofhowagrievermayexperiencehisorhersorrowdifferentlyifinUruguayorintheUnitedStatesItisthecustominUruguaythatfamilyandclose friends spend thenightwith themourner immediatelyafter adeathtosharethepainandsorrowstayingawakethankstoafewcupsofcoffeeThentogethertheysayfarewelltothedeceasedandputtheremainstorestIntheUnitedStatesamorecommonwayofaccompanyingamourneristoattendawakeaneventthatoccurssometimeafterthedeathinwhichpeopletellfunnystoriesmentiongoodqualitiesoftheonegoneandthencelebratethedeceasedrsquoslifelavishlywithalcoholandfood
Alsoconsideran individual living inasociety that setsasideaspecialdayforrememberingandcelebratingthedeadversusapersonlivinginaculturethatfinds the outward exposure of sorrow socially inappropriate and lacking tasteTheseculturaldifferencesalsoaffecttheopinionsviewsandbeliefsofWesternpsychologists and clinicians who often assume very contradictory views tothoseofthemonksandswamisItrainedwithduringmyinitiationtoyoga
My dual training in the fields of somatic psychotherapy and the timelesswisdom of Yoga has allowed me to experience both worldviews firsthandRegrettablyWestern culture tends to sweepgrief under the rug by ignoring itentirely or compartmentalizing it Only minimal attention to grief is allowedeffectively preventing us from understanding its nature It is skillful to askourselvesquestionssuchasldquoWhatisthefirstgreatlossIremembersufferingWhocouldItalktoHowdidIcopewiththeexperienceHowdidthepeoplearoundme actrdquoThis inquiry encourages self-awareness and understanding ofhow your family and cultural background influence your relationship to yourowngrieftoday
DespitetherichvarietyofanswerstothesequestionsIwouldliketostartbysaying that grief is our natural response to lossmdashany loss Traditionally wethink of grief as being the range of emotional and psychological responsesexperiencedafterthedeathofsomeoneweloveButdeathisnottheonlytypeoflossthatelicitsgriefSomemightfeelgriefoverthelossofaprizedpossessionapetajobadreamortheiryouthInfactIhavewitnessedhumansgrievingthelossofperceivedinvincibilityafterbreakingabonethediscontinuationofaregularlyscheduledTVshoworafavoritebrandofsneakersorhavingreachedtheendofadeliciousnovelThecombinedeffectsofourlossesbigandsmallmajorandminoraccumulateinourbodiesThejudgmentthatsomelossesare
trivial and are therefore unimportant to consider can exacerbate feelings ofconfusion isolation and shame This can interfere with a grieverrsquos ability toaccepttherealityofwhereheorsheisinhisorherpersonalprocess
TwoTypesofLosses
Identifyingprimaryandsecondary losses ishelpful forcompassionateself-reflectionTheinitiallosstheonethatoccursfirstisusuallyreferredtoastheprimary loss Losses that occur as a result of this underlying primary loss areknownassecondarylosses
Primary lossesaremoreeasily identifiedwhile the secondaryonescanbemore subtle and perhaps underacknowledged with regard to their profoundemotional intensity For example a woman whose marriage ends in divorce(primaryloss)whothensufferstheexclusionofeventspreviouslyfoundonhersocial calendar (secondary loss) is dealingwith the exponential effects of thecombined losses Perhaps her ex-husband is still being invited to events orperhapshercoupled friendsareuncomfortablewithhernewsinglestatusThesecondarylossnamedhereisthelossofhersocialnetwork
It is important to acknowledge that while each primary loss occurs onlyonce secondary losses may continue to occur and are therefore experiencedfrequently In the previous example thewoman experienced the divorce onlyoncebutthelossofhersocialnetworkisfelteverytimesheisnotinvitedoutbyldquotheirrdquo friends In addition the burden of assuming roles and responsibilitiesformerlyhandledbyherexmdashsuchaspayingthemortgagebillcheckingtheairinthetiresormanagingthehouseholdinwaysshehasnothadtobeforemdashisaconstant painful reminder of all that has been lost since the divorce Thesecondary loss continually retriggers her grief due to the primary loss of thehusband
In another example losing all of onersquos family heirlooms in a house fire(primary loss) might evoke the experience of severing onersquos ancestral past(secondary loss)Secondary lossesarenrsquotalways recognizedasvalidcausesofgriefbuttheycanbringontremendoussorrowandrepeatedlyreignitethepainthatwasexperiencedfromtheprimaryloss
SymptomsofGrief
Although no two individuals grieve in the same way there is someconsistencyintheemotionalphysicalandmentalsymptomsassociatedwiththegrievingprocessSomeofthemostcommonlyacknowledgedfeelingsthatrelateto grief can be seen in the following table (adapted with permission fromLunche1999)
EMOTIONALSYMPTOMSOFGRIEF
Shocknumbness
Sadness
Emptiness
Feelinghelpless
Feelingoutofcontrol
Anger
Guiltregret
Resentment
Depression
Lonelinesslongingyearning
Fearanxietyinsecurity
Feelingsofbetrayaldisloyalty
Diminishedself-concern
Sorrowfortheonewhodied
Desiretojointhedeceased
Suicidalfeelings
Table1Emotionalsymptomsofgrief
Even though sadness is the feeling most commonly expressed while
grieving a wide range of emotions is often determined by the quality of therelationship we had with whatrsquos been lost as well as by the circumstancessurrounding the lossAs you can see from the Emotional Symptoms ofGrieftable the impact of our grief may present many complex combinations ofemotionsaffectingusdistinctly
OneexampleofthismightbewhenanabusivehusbanddiesmdashthewifecouldfeelmorerelievedthansadWhenafathercommitssuicidethechildrenheleftbehindmaybecopingwiththeirshameandangermorethanwithdepressionInmy personal and professional experience when a relationship that was morepositiveendsfeelingsofdepressionareverylikelytosurfaceWhereasthemoreconflictedarelationshipisthegreaterthelikelihoodisthatangerandguiltwillappear
Myfatherand I finallydevelopedapristine friendshipaftermanyyearsofnot getting along What soothed my heart most after he passed were thenurturing memories of our newly established friendship Because wepainstakingly attended to all our unfinished business I could grieve his losswithoutregretorambivalenceBeingatthatpointinourrelationshipatthetimeof his passing permittedme to connectwith themore profoundly painful andchallenging aspects of my grief process and be present to experience theemotionallyjoyousandpleasantmemoriesbubblingupinsideme
FourTasksofMourningARoadMapfortheGrievingProcess
GriefpresentsuswithtremendousdualityWegrievebothuniquelyaccordingtoourlifersquosvariablesanduniversallyasallhumansdoLeadersinthefieldhavenoted specific elements of grieving suggesting they need to be addressed inordertofulfillanormalprocessSomeofthemnametheseelementsasldquostagesrdquoothersasldquophasesrdquoofgriefBothtermssuggest tomesomethingmorestaleorpassiveinnatureOfall thinkersJWilliamWorden(2009)offers themodelIfind best suited to the yogic ideal of practice In his model he names theseelements ldquotasksrdquo a term that clearly denotes the dynamism the process reallyinvolvesItprovidesanactivewaytomovethroughgriefrsquoscommonemotionalstatesWordenrsquosFourTasksofMourningare
To accept the reality of the lossAccepting the reality of the loss toWorden implies recognizing that ldquoreunion with the departed isimpossible at least in this liferdquo (39) Worden describes a searchingbehavior that is common at this level of grieving whereby a grievingpersonmightldquoseerdquothedeceasedwalkinginacrowdandrecognizeheronly then to be confronted with the reminder of her death Variousdegreesofdenialcouldbeinvolvedinordertoavoidacceptingtherealityoftheloss
To process the pain of grief The second task involves consciouslyworking with the pain of grief Worden states ldquoIt is necessary toacknowledgeandworkthroughthispainoritcanmanifestitselfthroughphysicalsymptomsorsomeformofaberrantbehaviorrdquo(44)Thissecondtask of mourning is of special significance to yoga because of theconnectionwithconsciousworkanddedicatedpractice
To adjust to a world without the deceased Worden identifies threeareasofadjustmentthataretobereckonedwithafterthelossofalovedone External adjustments relate to how coping with loss affects oureveryday life (egwhatdowedowith theworkinghourswhenwersquovejust lost a job) Internal adjustments refer to how death affects self-definitionself-esteemandonersquossenseofself-efficacy(eghowcanaspouse feel like awhole self again after losing his partner) Spiritualadjustmentsimplydealingwiththechallengesofourbeliefsystemsandvaluesasdeathshakesthefoundationofonersquosassumptionsoftheworld(eg the faithful believer questioning the existence of a justGod afterfeelingthathisprayershavenotbeenheard)
To find an enduring connection with the deceased in the midst ofembarking on a new life Worden asserts that it is essential that themourner find newways to continue honoring the deceased while stillremaining focused on creating a new life Freud (1953) describes themental process of mourning as summoning mental images of the lostlovedonedetachingthepreviouslyinvestedloveandreestablishingthefreedomofthemindWordensuggeststhatwedonotentirelyrecycletheemotionalenergypreviouslyinvestedhecitescurrentresearchthatstatesthat maintaining an active awareness of the deceased person providescomfortandstrengthtothebereaved
Although each task is essential to the process of mourning the tasksthemselves are not linear After completing all four we may be prompted torevisitanyoreachofthem
Mostofoureffortsdealingwithgriefaregeared towardavoidingsufferingfromtheunusuallyimmensepainlossinflictsonusItisDrWordenrsquosopinionthat the fulfillment of all Four Tasks of Mourning is essential to promote ahealthy and normal grieving process Otherwise we may fall into what isconsideredacomplicatedgrievingprocess Insomecasesanindividualrsquosgriefreactionisprolongedbecominganalmostchronicconditionthatmayneverbefullyresolved
Examining examples of complicated grief we often see the actualmanifestation of symptoms showing up at amuch later time in response to amorerecentunexpectedlossThisexaggeratedreactioncanmanifestasorturnintoaspecificmentalconditionsuchasclinicaldepressionInothersthegriefappearsdisguisedbysymptomsandbehaviorsthatwhileseeminglyunrelatedtogriefareactuallyexamplesofldquomaskedrdquogrief(Worden2009)Itisimportanttodifferentiate thesemarkersofcomplicatedgrief fromthenaturalway inwhichgriefoccursdownthelinecomingbackunexpectedlyattimesinrelationtolifeeventsandother timesseemingly randomandpresentinguswith feelingsandsymptomsoftheoldgriefThisconceptiswellexpressedintheworkofThereseRando who coined the term STUG Sudden Temporary Upsurge of Grief(1993)
Grief triggers grief Fresh loss naturally triggers memories feelings andsymptoms related to a previous loss Sometimes we are truly shocked at thetremendous intensity of our feelings When others who are close to usexperience loss it can easily trigger our owngrief and cause us to revisit oldlossesevenifwefeelwehavedealtwiththemalreadyPerhapsthisisareasonwhypeoplerecoilfromhearingaboutanotherrsquosgrieforbecomeuncomfortablewhentheywitnesspeopleexhibittheirgriefopenlyCounselorstherapistsandhospiceworkerswhoworkwithgrief regularly see theirowngrief retriggeredandcansufferfromtheeffectsofldquocaregiverrsquosburdenrdquo
Regardless of howour grief originates the key element is that in order togrieve a loss we need to have developed a strong emotional connection withwhat has been lost or what it represents to us We need to have formed anattachment
AttachmentTheTrueRootofGrief
ldquoAttachmentrdquo is generally defined as a feeling that binds someone to aperson thing causeor idealThis is a remarkably similardescription towhatFreudstatedwhendescribingtheobjectofgriefduringmourning(Freud1953)Psychology views attachment as ldquoan evolved behavioral system designed toregulate infantsrsquo proximity to a protector and thereby maximize chances forsurvivalrdquo according to John Bowlby (Diamond 2001 277) Later on studiesconducted byMary Ainsworth concluded that there are three major styles ofattachmentsecureambivalent-insecureandavoidant-insecure(Broberg2000)
Researchers Main and Solomon (1986) added a fourth style known asdisorganized-insecureattachmentTheseearlyattachmentstylescanhelppredictbehaviors later in life especially adult romantic love For example when anindividual is able to gain comfort from his parents as a child (ldquosecureattachmentrdquo)hetendstohavegoodself-esteemasanadultOntheotherhandwhenachilddoesnotgainmuchcomfortorcontactfromhisparents(ldquoavoidantattachmentrdquo) he develops adult behaviors that invest little or no emotion insocialandromanticrelationships
In short our early attachments constitute our first awareness of thosewholove and care for us and influence how we love as adults No matter whatattachment style we develop we are all like these infantsmdashseeking survivalclingingtowhatisfamiliarLikeapacketoffoodcoloringreleasedintoapitcherof water we can see our attachments permeate the substance of our lifeAttachment is at the core of howwe form families and how our larger socialnetwork functions For us in theWest attachment is tantamount to love ldquoIf IloveyouIamattachedtoyoubeinghereforeverrdquoThisassociationissostrongthatactionsindicatingdetachmentareusuallyseenasasignofalackoflove
OurattachmentsinformuswhenwefeelathomewhenwearelonelyandwhenweareindangerEvenatachemicallevelthebondswemakewithhumanbeingsandotherobjectsaffectusWhenthesebondsbreakwecaninvestigatethepsychophysiologicaleffectsandnormalizethemanysomaticaspectsofgriefmanifesting asphysical symptomsNow letrsquosdiscoverwhat theperspectiveofpsychophysiologycanbringtoourunderstandingofgrief
GriefandtheBrainHow does the body express what the heart and mind are going throughCurrently there is not enoughmeasurable scientific data on grief and furtherresearch isstillneededMostof theexisting informationfocusesonvictimsoftraumaAlthoughalltraumainvolvesgriefitisimportanttorememberthatnot
all grief is traumatic Western psychology usually views the body as anafterthoughtproclaimingthatthegrievingprocesshappensmainlyinourmindsMore recent research in the areas of psychology immunology andendocrinologyrevealsdatathatshowshowemotionalprocesseslikegriefaffectmore than just our mental functioning Psychophysiology shows how life-changingeventsinfluencevirtuallyeveryareaofapersonrsquosphysicalandmentalconstitution from thought patterns to emotionalwell-being immune functionandoverallhealth(RosenbaumandVarvin2007Ulvestad2012VandenBerget al 2012) Western science is just now discovering and documentingconnectionsformulatedagesagofromthemeditativeobservationsofpracticingyogisTheevidenceofthemind-bodyconnectionsdiscoveredbythesescientistsistrulyfascinatinganditsimpactintheareaofgriefworkisonlybeginningtobefelt
Two of themain symptoms associatedwith grieving are pain in the chestmuscles and disruptions of the circadian rhythms particularly the sleep cyclePeople experience a variety of symptoms that usually change as the grievingprocess unfolds What should be eminently clear from the following table(adaptedwithpermissionfromLunche1999)isthatgriefaffectsthebody
PHYSICALSYMPTOMSOFGRIEF
Pain
Feelingoftightnessinthechest
Feelingoftightnessinthethroat
Alterations in the breathing patterns (shortness of breath frequentsighing)
Fatigueexhaustionlowenergy
Sleeppatterndisruption(insomniaorexcessivesleep)
Eatingpatterndisruption(overeatingoranorexia)
Alterationofthecardiacrhythms(bradycardiatachycardiaarrhythmia)
Digestivesystemupset
Generalizedtension
Restlessnessirritability
Increasedsensitivitytostimuli
Drymouth
Table2Physicalsymptomsofgrief
Grief is mainly orchestrated by the limbic system Itrsquos a central structure
withinthenervoussystemdeeplyinvolvedinthewayweexperienceemotionsThelimbicsysteminitiallygatherssensoryinformationaboutanexperienceandcomparesthatinformationwithpreviouslystoredknowledgehousingmemoriesof past similar experiences our belief systems and cultural values It thenassigns the experience an emotional tone and integrates a response Then theoutermost sheet of neuronal tissue in the brain the neocortex processes theexperiencefurtherandassignsmeaningtoitonadeeperlevel
Alterationsofthenormalfunctionsofthelimbicsystemresultin
irritability
moodiness
depression
negativethinking
negativeperspective
sleepandappetitedisorders
socialisolation
decreasedorincreasedsexualdriveand
motivation
Manyoftheitemsonthislistofmooddisturbancesandothersymptomsare
classicfeaturesofanormalgrievingprocesssolidifyingthecaseforthelimbicsystemrsquosinvolvementWhentakingalookatothermentalandsocialsymptomsofgrief thisconnectionwith thefunctionsof the limbicsystembecomesevenclearer
MentalSymptomsofGrief
Negativeanticipatorythinking
Disbelief
Confusion
Disorientation
Absentmindedness
Forgetfulness
Poorconcentration
Distraction
Difficultyfocusingandattending
Lowmotivation
Expectingtoseethedeceased
Expectingthedeceasedtocall
Preoccupationwiththedeceased
Feelingtheneedtotellandretellthestorysurroundingtheloss
Dreamsorimagesofthedeceased
Denial
Thinkingaboutotherdeathsandlosses
SocialSymptomsofGrief
Beingisolatedbyothers
Withdrawingfromsocialactivities
Diminisheddesireforsocialactivities
Copingwithlabelslikeldquowidowedrdquoldquosinglerdquoetc
Hidinggriefbytakingcareofothers
Losingfriendsmakingnewfriends
Table3Mentalandsocialsymptomsofgrief(adaptedwithpermissionfromLunche1999)
AccordingtoDrJamesGardnerldquoGriefbeginsinthebrainrdquoandaffectsthe
brainldquofromthehighestcorticalcentersandtemporal lobestothedeepermoreprimitive structures in the limbic systemrdquo For our neurotransmitters thebuilding blocks of the brain that are essential for intercellular communicationgrief ldquoaffects the way we process some of these chemicalsrdquo including theneuropeptides(20026)
On a biochemical level we react as though our entire existence is beingthreatenedAccordingtoGardnerldquoAstheserotoninsystemisweakenedbytheemotionalstressoflosstheanxietyresponseistriggeredrdquo(20026)Hegoesontosaythatthebodyrsquosfight-or-flightreactionincludesthereleaseofadrenalineThereleaseofhormonesincreasesheartrateandbloodpressurestressfulsignalsactivate the endocrine glands and affect the heart stomach various musclegroupsand thebloodvessels themselvesOthersymptoms include thecoolingof the extremities pupil dilation tremors sweating and nausea due tohyperventilationTakingitscuesfromthebrainthebodyreactstothefullforceofthelossasamenacingdangeradirectthreattooursurvival
NeuroplasticityandItsImplicationsforGrief
Even though grief is seemingly an omnipresent challenge influencing ourbrain chemistry we might consider the following news to be positive
Neuroplasticityreferstothebrainrsquosabilitytochangeitsstructureandfunctioninresponse to experience training and practice In the twentieth century ourbrainswere thought todevelopwithinacriticalperiodduringearlychildhoodand to then remain relatively immutable This thinking meant that once wepassedthecriticalperiodofdevelopmentwewerebasicallystuckinthosewaysforeverhardwiredfixedinformandfunctionThisbeliefloweredexpectationsaboutthevalueofrehabilitationforthosewhohadsufferedbraininjuryfromastrokeforexample
Becausepsychiatricconditionsare related tospecificneuronalpathways inthebrainthisalsomeantthatoncedevelopedamentalillnesswouldbealmostimpossibletotreatsuccessfully(Begley2007)SharonBegleyajournalistwhoreportsoncurrenttrendsonhealthandsciencewroteinTimemagazineldquoTherewasgood reason for lavishly illustratedbrainbooks to show the function sizeand location of the brainrsquos structures in permanent inkrdquo This prevailing viewalso reinforced limited mental perceptions It was simply a brain-determinedrealitythatafterlosingonersquoshouseonemightneverfeeltrulyathomeagainorafterlosingaspouseonecouldneverfindloveagain
These beliefs have been challenged by findings that reveal that manyfunctions of the brain remain plastic even into adulthood Substantial changeshave been documented showing that an individual can consciously andprofoundly alter the way his or her neurons are activated in response toexperience These alterations affect both the brainrsquos physical anatomy andfunctionalorganizationsignifyingthatthebraincananddoeschange
ldquoNeuronsThatFireTogetherWireTogetherrdquo
This is a common saying in the field of neuroscience New connectionsbetweennervouscellsareformedasweengageindifferentactivitiesThesenewneuronalpathwaysarestrengthenedwhenwerepeatthoseactivitieswiringthenervouscellstogetherThemorewerepeattheseactivitiesthemorepermanenttheconnectionsbecome
Even though these findings relate to how the brain compensates for injuryanddiseasethismechanismappliestobrainactivityingeneralNeuroplasticitymakespersonalgrowthanddevelopmentpossiblebyallowingthenervecellsinthebrain toadjust theiractivities in response tonewsituationsandchanges intheir environment Although this process is automatic and happensindependentlyoutsidetherealmofconsciousintentionwecaninfactenhance
thesought-afterresultsbyincreasingconsciouspracticeThemorepracticethemoreingrainedorimprintedthenewconnectionsbecome
ResearchconductedonmusiciansbyneuroscientistAlvaroPascual-LeoneaprofessorofneurologyatHarvardUniversityindicatesthatwhiletheprocessistriggered by actual practicemere thought can also alter the physical structureandfunctionofourgraymatter(2001)Hefoundthattheincreasedbrainsurfaceactivated in subjects after practicing an instrument was equal to those wholdquothoughtrdquo of the scales to be practiced This revelation is important whenunderstandinggriefbecauseitvalidatestheuseoftechniquessuchasSankalpaor Resolve which uses repetition of statements that reflect a desired state ofbeingtoinducethebraintoremapitselftowardsuchareality
TheBrainrsquosInsatiableQuestforHappiness
A special area of interest for those performing current research inneurosciencehasbeenstudyingthebrainsofBuddhistmonksduringmeditationtoobservewhetherthereisanymeasurablechangeinbrainactivitywiththeuseof contemplativepractices Inorder tounderstandhowourbrains conduct ourinsatiablequestforhappinesssomethingthemonksarebelievedtoexperiencethanks to meditation Richard Davidson a neuroscientist at the University ofWisconsinatMadisonconductedstudiestofindoutifwecanthinkofemotionsmoods and states suchascompassionasmental skills that could somehowbeingrainedinapersonthroughtrainingWhencomparingtheactivityinthebrainsofthegroupofmonksversusthoseofacontrolgroupwhodidnotmeditatethemoststrikingdifferencewasinanareaintheleftprefrontalcortexbelievedtobethesiteofactivitythatsignalshappiness(Davidson2012)Whilethemonkswere generating feelings of compassion activity in the left prefrontal cortexswamped activity in the right prefrontal cortex to a degree never before seenfrom purely mental activity (The right prefrontal cortex is associated withnegative moods) On the other hand the individuals belonging to the controlgroup showed no such differences between the left prefrontal cortex and therightAccordingtoDavidson thissuggests that thepositivestateisaskill thatcanbelearned
PracticeReshapesYourBrain
Thenewunderstandingofneuroplasticityrelatedtothepowerofthemindrsquosability to change our brains promises something fundamental for theunderstanding of grief By employing intentional and conscious physical andmental practice we can change our relationship to ourselves during ouremotionallyfluctuatinggrievingprocessEachactionweperformeachthoughtwe think each word we speak then becomes an arrow shot into the field ofmanifestationanopportunityforanewconnectioninthebraintomodifytheoldandemphasizetheestablishmentofanewidentity
While the focus of this book is not brain biology or neurochemistry it isimportant tounderstand justhowstronga forcegrief isRegardingourmentaland emotional landscape we now comprehend that our emotional life isinformedbythethoughtswethinkbyhowthebrainitselfreactstoexperiencesinstructingourbodies tobehaveYounow seehowmanyof the symptomsofgrief directly relate to how our brains reactwhen facing loss Recall how theattachmentstopeoplefromtheearlieststagesofourlifeformulateourpsychicbasis for the adult emotions of love and compassion Loss is a real materialexperience affecting us at every layer of our existence The following table(adapted with permission from Lunche 1999) indicates profound changes inbehaviorswhenwearegrievingAswedeepenourunderstandingofhowourbrains serve as the basis for many of these symptoms we can normalizeprofoundchangesthatarepowerfullyalteringrealityasweknewit
BehavioralSymptomsofGrief
Crying(sometimesunexpectedly)
Searchingforthedeceased
Carryingspecialobjects
Goingtothegravesite
Makingandkeepinganaltar
Keepingbelongingsintact
Lookingatphotosorvideosofthedeceased
Listeningtoaudiorecordingsofthedeceased
Talkingtothedeceased
Avoidingsituationsthatarousegrief
Changesindailyroutine
ldquoStayingbusyrdquo
Assumingmannerismsofthedeceased
Table4Behavioralsymptomsofgrief
By getting a sense of how intensely all systems are involved in the
bereavement process it becomes more evident that engaging certain yogaexercisesintendedtounitemindandbodyareeffectiveinbringingbackasenseof cohesion and personal control in times of grief Through breath workphysical movements and specific techniques designed to for example helpresetthefunctioningoftheendocrinesystemwecantakethisinformationaboutgriefandputittogooduseWecanapplytoolstointegrateconsciousresponsesthat help our brains reshape themselves in an active and insightfulwayYogahelpsustobemorepresentforourfeelingsofgriefanditisperhapsthemostcompletebodyofpracticalknowledgeyoucanseekout
Wewill now look at what this ancient discipline expresses as to whywegrieveandhowgriefrelatestoitsprecursorattachment
Chapter2
YogaandGrief
Yogarsquos quest to resolve human suffering is probably as old as the disciplineitself Since yogarsquos entrance into mainstream Western culture it has beentailored to meet the needs of a variety of practitioners Western styles andmodulations of yoga have complemented the ancient original schools orbranchesOne of the results of this diversification has been the emergence ofyoga therapy This system is perfectly designed for the application of yogarsquosteachings philosophy and unique methods for addressing and transformingpersonal imbalances manifesting as diseases or disorders Even though otherdisciplinessuchasyogachikitsaandAyurvedadealwiththetherapeuticprocessyoga therapy isactuallymorehelpful inaddressing thegrievingprocess in thebodymindandspirit
I have come to understand grief as one of the most prevailing andunacknowledged feelings in the human heart through my personal andprofessional experiences As a yogi I recognize the need for a more Spirit-centeredapproachtodealingwithgriefWitnessingtheeffectsonmystudentsalongwithmypersonalexperienceofpracticingyogaformanyyearshasgivenmeadeepunderstandingofyogarsquoseffectivenessintreatinggrief
Initially yoga helps us to manage some of the physical and emotionalsymptomsofgriefAsonersquospracticedeepensyogaoffersprofoundinsightsintothe difference between the suffering intrinsic to grief and that of attachmentwhich I call the precondition for grief Letrsquos examine some philosophicalunderpinningsofyogaandhowtheycandemystifyourrelationshiptogrief
TheFiveSpokesontheWheelofSufferingThefirstextantwrittenworkonyogathatpresentsacomprehensivephilosophyonthenatureofsufferingandhowtoalleviateitisTheYogaSutrasofPatanjali(Bryant2009)InthistextattachmentmdashthepreconditionforgriefmdashisnamedasoneofthefiverootcausesofsufferingthatinevitablyleadtopainandconfusionTogethertheyare
ignoranceofthetruth
egoism
attachment
aversionand
fearofdeath
IgnoranceofthetruthreferstoignoringtheessentialrulesthattheuniverseabidesbyAnexampleof this is to expect a flower tobeborn fullybloomedthen develop backward decreasing in size until it becomes a seed Thismisapprehension can be seen as a metaphor of life in general all livingorganismshaveadefinitebeginningandaperiodofdevelopmentandthenmeettheir end Therefore anyone contesting the flowerrsquos organic nature promotespersonalsuffering
Egoismreferstofalseidentificationwiththemindandbodyexclusivelyandignoring the Spirit The nature of both body andmind is one of craving Thebody craves heat food touch and rest the mind craves acknowledgmentidentificationandseekschangeOnceanyofourneedsbecomesatisfied thenimmediatelythenextonekicksinTheSpiritconverselyneedsnothingbecauseitcontainseverythingandisthesourceofeverythingByincludingourSpiritinour identificationwegaincontactwithanaspectofourselves that issatisfiedtrulyandcompletely(Satyananda1976)
Attachment refers to our dependency on the permanence of a personrsquospresence or an objectrsquos continued availability to produce and sustain ourhappinessAttachmentcomesfromthepositiveexperienceswehaveinlifeandthememoriesweforminassociationwiththemSinceallthingsarebytheirtruenatureabsolutely impermanentoursuffering isensuredwhen thingsdisappearordieOf the fivecausesof suffering attachmenthas aparticularly importantroleingriefandisthereforediscussedfurtherinthefollowingsection
Aversion is the opposite of attachment and is derived from negativeexperiencesinlifeItrefers tothingswedonrsquot likepromptingustoturnawayfrom them Because the likelihood of all things happening is evenly spreadacross the spectrumof reality thingswedonrsquot likewill inevitablyoccurmdashandwesufferyetagain
Fearof death refers to a feeling human beings experience as part of theiremotional makeup Because death is inevitable fearing it is a sure ticket tosufferingRegardlessofhoworwhenweinstinctivelyknowwhatwefearwill
arriveatsomepointThesefivecausesofsufferingbecomelikeawheelinahamstercageLike
naivehamsterswehurlthewheelintoperpetualmotionrunningtowardnoendIfwechoosetoignoretheessentialtruthwebecomeidentifiedwithourbodiesandmindsonlyThisleadsustogenerateattachmentsandaversionstheultimatebeingaversion toourowndeath ignoring the truth thatwe toowill inevitablydie
In Four Chapters on Freedom Swami Satyanandarsquos commentary on TheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliwearetoldthatourldquodesireforliferdquoisldquosustainedbyitsownforcerdquo(1976154)Itisbecauseofanattachmenttoourphysicalbodytheswami says that we cling to life and fear natural processes like disease anddeath Since grief appears as a result of losing those things or personswe areattachedtoTheYogaSutrascanexplaintheintimaterelationshipbetweengriefand suffering I am not suggesting that if we could somehow eliminateattachment our liveswould be problem-free and all sufferingwould end ThefourothercausesareequallypotentandimportantCouldsimplyenvisioningtheeliminationofsufferingbringsomeeasetoourmindsByjustbeingconsciousof the five causes of sufferingwe combat the initial barrier of ignorance thatpreventsusfromknowingourtrueselves
AttachmentItsSpecialRoleforGrievers
ThenegativeimplicationsofattachmentarequitedifficultforushumanstocomprehendWhyisdealingwithattachmentsodifficultWeformattachmentsto perpetuate the comfort and safety we are accustomed to receive from thethings andpersonswe attach toYetwe can never know just how long thosethingsorpersonswillremainFormingattachmentsseemstobeinherentinthehumancondition
Yoga addresses this uncertainty and invokes the universal truth that ldquoAllthings come to an endrdquo This calms the mindrsquos craving for knowledge andprovidesananswertotheyearningquestionmanygrieversaskthemselvesafteralossWhy
When we form attachments we are relying on the permanence of thingsWhenthosethingsvanishtheresultforusisapredictableonewesufferIntheepic Indian tale of the Bhagavad Gita prince Arjuna turns to his charioteerKrishnaforcounselonthebattlefieldWhileseeminglyjustadvisingthewarrioronmilitarystrategyLordKrishnaactuallyimpartsdeepspiritualwisdomtothe
unknowingseekerHeidentifiesattachmentasthebeginningofachainreactionofturbulentemotions
ldquoWhilecontemplatingtheobjectsofthesensesapersondevelops
attachmentforthemandfromsuchattachmentlustdevelopsandfromangerlustarisesrdquo
mdashVerse62(1972122)
ldquoFromangercompletedelusionarisesandfromdelusionbewildermentofmemoryWhenmemoryisbewilderedintelligenceislostandwhenintelligence
islostonefallsdownagainintothematerialpoolrdquo
mdashVerse63(1972123)
This explanation of how attachment manifests in human beings is anillumination from a realized master such as Krishna to the aspiring yogi(Bhaktivedanta 1972) This sage wisdom applies to every one of us who islearningandaspiringhereonEarthFormotherswhoseheightenedattachmentwith their infants is directly connected to the continued survival of theiroffspringenvisioningalifeofnonattachmentseemsnearlyimpossibleFormostofhumanitythatisalsotrueYetyogaoffersuspureknowledgethatappliestolifewithintheframeworkofwhatisfeasibleforeachoneofusYogadoesnotjustrelyonphilosophyhowevertoexplainwhywegrieveitpinpointsgriefinanahatachakraaspecificplaceinthebody
ExploringtheChakrasandHowTheyRelatetoGrief
TheSanskritwordchakra translates toldquowheelrdquo inEnglishThisevokesanimage of swirling energy the stirring of emotional and psychic contents Thesevenchakrasconfigureapathwaymovingfromprimalemotionsandsensations(fearangerdisgust)toloveandcompassionandspiritualconnection
According to yoga philosophy human beings are in a state of continuousevolutionThisevolutionissymbolizedbythespiralingmovementofkundalinian invisible energy that when awakened flows upward from the base of the
spine to the topof thehead (Satyananda1985)During its course this energymakes contact with several psychic centers (chakras) each of which signifiesdifferentstagesinourjourneytowardcompleteselfhoodJohnSelbystatesthateachchakracorrespondstoamajorendocrineglandamainautonomicnerveorgroupofnervesandthefunctionstheyregulatewithinthebodyandaspecificmanifestationoraspectofhumanconsciousness(1992)
The chakra system is a brilliant map for understanding the connectionbetweenmindbodyandspirit Itoffersadiagnostic toolaswell asa fieldofoperation for understanding and managing some of the difficult emotionsinvolved in griefGetting in touchwith these emotions unveils aspects of thepotential life lessons hidden in the symptoms we are experiencingWe beginmakingconnectionsbetweenthesensationswefeel inourbodiesandhowourthinkingisaffectedbysuchsensationsWitnessinghowthethreeessentialpartsofourselvesmdashthementalthephysicalandthespiritualmdashinteractweareabletoseethateachthoughtandemotionhasacorrelatewithinourphysicalbodyThisrecognitionfacilitatesourjourneyofintegrationandevolutionofconsciousness
ROOTCHAKRATHESURVIVOR
Thefirstchakra(mooladhara)islocatedatthepelvicfloorandcorrespondswiththecoccygealplexusofnervesInmenitliesintheperineumbetweentheurinary and excretory openings In women it is situated inside the posteriorsurfaceofthecervix
This chakra relates to our feelings and perceptions and the bodily
mechanisms associatedwith our survival and explains the fear some grievershavewithregardtotheirabilitytocontinuesimplygoingonlivingafteralossIn fact even when we are actually safe and secure there can be underlyingthoughtsandemotionsthatturnonthefight-or-flightresponsewhichproducesan increased heart rate and sweaty palms Because this is a basic ldquosurvivalmoderdquo reaction typicalofhumanbeings it canbe interpretedasa first chakraemanation symbolizing our primary instinct for survival our clinging toexistencewhilefearingnaturalprocesseslikedeath
We recognize how attachment to pleasure-giving sensory objects andaversiontowardexternalsourcesofdispleasurebecomehardwiredWhenfacedwith grief we can understand how oftentimes the griever wishes to join thedeceasedasifhisorherverysurvivalwerelinkedtothecontinuityofthebondBecausegriefcanseduceustomistakenlyidentifythelossofalovedoneasathreattoourexistencetheresultcanbeanaturalinclinationtomergewiththedeceased
Becauseofitsconnectionwiththematerialworldwealsoseeinthischakrathe difficulty grievers typically experience in performing the usual tasks thatensurephysicallifeThefatiguethatmanypeoplefeelduringgriefisalsotypicalofanimbalancein thiscenterThischakra isapotentsourceofallourearthlydesiresandthefeargreedandpossessivenesswemightfeelwhengrievingareassociated with it An example could be wishing to hold on to a deceasedrsquostreasuredobjectsorpossessions
Additionallybecause the firstchakra isassociatedwith thesenseofsmellthe common occurrence of grievers being reminded suddenly of the deceasedbased on encountering a smell associated with that person can be seen asemanatingfromthischakra
SACRALCHAKRATHEBIRTHPLACEOFDESIRE
Thesecondchakra(swadhisthana)isfoundatthebaseofthespineItrelatestothesacralplexusofnervesandsymbolizestheunconsciousItisalsorelatedto our overall emotional awareness and ability to experience our feelingsStronglyconnectedtothesexualorgansandtheirproductsdesiresandcravingstakeondefiniteformanddirectioninthischakraThischakraisalsoassociatedwithmovementespeciallyemotionaltypesofmovementIntermsofgrieftheinvolvementofthischakracanmanifestasalackofsexualdesireorconverselyastrengtheningofsexualappetiteThedifficultysomeexperience inaccessingintimacy or being social with others is a typical characteristic of a disturbed
secondchakraTheassociatedsensewiththischakraistasteSometimesthereisa certain taste some grievers notice along with other more typical symptomssuchasdrymouthanddisruptionsofnormaleatinghabits
NAVALCHAKRAWILLPOWERMADEMANIFEST
Thethirdchakra(manipura)sitsalongthespinalcolumndirectlybehindthenavelItcorrespondstothesolarplexusandphysiologicallyrelatestodigestionassimilationand temperature regulation in thebodyThischakrarepresentsanimportant step in the evolution of consciousness because it connects ourwillpowerwithourdesirespromotingmanifestationonthephysicalplaneThedifficulty inmaking decisions felt bymany grievers is an involvement of thethirdchakraWebecomeconfusedas towhat courseof action isbestbecauseourwillpowerissoprofoundlycompromisedWesometimesresorttotakingnoactionatall lacking themotivationneeded toconfront thefearof thechangeswearefacing
Some individuals throw themselves into work Others place a heightenedemphasis on an exuberant social life after loss to keep away from the painfullack of familiarity with the new unchartered reality The literal translation ofmanipura isldquocityof jewelsrdquoandit refers to thepreciousgemsofactionlyingdormant in this centerwaiting tobeunearthedby thepowerofour consciousintention The associated sense for this chakra is sight and I believe it canexplaincommonexperiencessomebereavedhaveofnotseeingthingsthatareinplainsightmdashforexamplesearchingfranticallyforhousekeysonlytofindthemintheappropriateplace justafewminutes laterornotseeingtheexitsignonthefreewayeventhoughitisthesameexitagrieverhastakenforthepastfiveyearswhen returninghomeEvenldquoseeingrdquo thedeceasedwithin themidst of acrowdonabusystreetcouldberelatedtothethirdchakra
HEARTCHAKRATHEREFUGEOFLOVE
Thefourthchakra(anahata)liesinthevertebralcolumnbehindthebaseoftheheart at the levelof thedepression in the sternum It relates to thecardiacplexusofnerveswhichinfluencesthefunctioningoftheheartandlungsThesearetwokeyareasthatareoftenaffectedbygriefmanifestingasdisruptionsofbothcardiacandbreathingrhythmsTheheartchakracorrespondstothethymusglandwhich relates to immunefunctionDuringbereavement it iscommon toexperienceanexacerbationofpreexistinghealthconditionsoranincreasedriskforsicknessduetoimmunesystemdepressionThischakraisthequintessentialblendingofmatterandSpirittheevolutionaryoasisonourpathtowardspiritual
fulfillmentItiswhereemotionalbondingandattachmentaredevelopedAstheseatofhumanloveitalsorelatestothepowerofloveasahealingforce
ThesenseassociatedwithanahataistouchIngriefthissenseisimportantbecause through touchwe fully experience theabsenceof thatwhichwehavelost Just think of the needmany individuals feel for touch after spousal lossImaginehowliberatingahugcanfeeltofacilitatethepowerfulreleaseofpent-upemotion
THROATCHAKRATHEPOWEROFSOUND
Thefifthchakra(vishuddhi)liesatthelevelofthethroatpitinthevertebralcolumnThischakracorrespondstothecervicalplexusofnervesandrelatestothethyroidglandandalsocertainsystemsofarticulationtheupperpalateandtheepiglottisThe thyroidrsquos involvement iskey ingrief thedisturbanceof theproductionof adrenaline canbe the sourceof feelingsofdepletion aswell asweight gain or loss that cannot be directly attributable to changes in eatinghabitsThiscentercanalsobethesourceforsomeofthehormonalimbalancesandmoodswingsexperiencedwhengrieving
Vishuddhi chakra is known as the purification centerwhere the powers ofcommunicationlieItdealssymbolicallywithsoundandvibrationOftenthosegrieving have difficulty talking about their grief or articulating their feelingsaboutalossTheoverwhelmingneedforsomegrievingindividualstohavetheirstories heard is another indication of this chakrarsquos involvement Because theassociatedsensewiththischakraishearingwecanunderstandtheimportanceofvoicingpainfulaswellasjoyfulmemoriesinthemidstoflossFifth-chakradisturbancescanalsoresultinsorethroatsandpainintheneckandshouldersmdashareasverycommonlyaffectedbygriefThesensationoffeelingchokedcanbeassociatedwiththischakraaswell
THIRD-EYECHAKRAWISDOMFOUNDWITHIN
The sixth chakra (ajna) lies in themidline of the brain directly above thespinal columnandcorrespondswith thepinealglandThischakracontrols themuscles and theonset of sexual activity inhumans It has control over all thefunctionsofthebodyItisthechakraofpuremindrepresentingahigherlevelofawarenessItisusuallycalledtheldquothirdeyerdquoanditissaidthatwhereasthetwophysicaleyes lookoutward the thirdeye looks inward In thatsense it revealsthe intuitive knowledge independent from the information supplied by thesenses
Ajnaisthewitnessingcenterwhereonebecomesthedetachedobserverofallevents including those within the body and the mind Sleep disorders are atypicalinvolvementofthischakrabecauseofitsrelationshiptothepinealglandand its main biochemical product melatonin Because of its connection withinner vision we might experience broader issues related to our perceptionfinding difficulty in seeing the road ahead Other common symptoms includecoordinationproblemssuchasaccidentallybumpingintothefurniture
On a positive note this chakra serves as a reminder that it is by lookingwithin that we find the source of all the feelings and thoughts that come upduringtheupheavalcreatedbylossBywitnessingtheendlessfluctuationsandchangeswithinourownmindswecanapproachstillnessInessencewhileourmindsstruggletounderstandourlossesourSpiritsknowandarereadytoacceptthem as a part of the normal cycle of life and existence The source of theknowledge thatwecanapply toprocessgriefcomesfromourconnectionwiththe intuitivewisdom the Spirit has rather than the acquired knowledge of thedualisticmindItisbecauseofthisdualisticaspectofthemindwhichisunableto recognize the night if it does not know the day that we cling to thepermanence of things attempting to ensure the continuance of the treasuredconnectionsThemindstrugglestounderstandthateventhoughalovedonemaybeabsentheorsheisstillpresentandinterwoveninthefabricofouridentity
CROWNCHAKRAWITNESSTOAGREATERREALITY
The seventh chakra (sahasrara) is the culmination of the kundalinirsquosenergeticpathwayseenastheseatofhigherawarenessItissituatedatthetopof the head and is physically correlated to the pituitary gland called theldquocommandcenterrdquowhichregulatestheentireendocrinesystemOnasymboliclevel it is in thischakrawhere thedualmindis transcendedandweenter intoperfectconsciousharmonywiththeonenessoftheuniverseWhenthischakraisout of balance during bereavement it results in depression alienation andconfusionThischakraalsorelatestothechallengesthatgriefimposesononersquosownspiritualbeliefs
BodyArmorADifferentTakeontheChakras
Thechakrasystemidentifiesspecificlocationsinthebodyandrelatesthemwith different types of emotions Wilhelm Reich the famous Austrianpsychoanalystcameupwithasimilarnotionwhenhedescribedhisconceptof
ldquobodyarmorrdquoheanalyzedhowmentalconflictsareexpressedinthebodyoftenthroughmuscularornervoustensionandhowthismechanismcouldbeintendedto protect the consciousness from accessing psychic content associated withtheseareas(1949)
EssentiallyReichrsquosviewis thatweshieldourselveswith thestiffarmorofmuscular tensionandassociatedbody language toavoidexperiencingnegativefeelingsThefieldsofpsychosomaticmedicineandsomaticpsychotherapyhavefurtherdeepenedthestudyof thesemechanismsandfoundrevealingcorrelatesbetweendiseaseprocessesandwhatanindividualisgoingthroughinhisorheremotional and psychic life For example when an individual is dealing withboundaryissuesheorshemightdevelopaskinconditionWhensomeonefindsit intolerable toexamineonersquos realityeyeproblemsmightdevelopOfcoursenothing is quite as simple as the examplesgivenyet the relationshipbetweenourmindsandourbodiesisundeniable
Whenconsideringthewidevarietyofsymptomsfoundingrief itbecomesevidentthatgriefaffectsthewholebeingUnderstandingthesignificanceofthechakrasinourphysicalbodiesandhowtheyrelatetoouroverallexperienceiskeyinourthinkingaboutgriefwhenpracticingBylearningthedifferentrolesthat the chakras play in our bodies and how they affect us emotionally theeffects of our yoga practice are deepened Exploring our knowledge of thechakrasystemleadstoanefficientandhelpfulwaytounderstandthemind-bodyconnectionanditsrelationshiptothevaryingsymptomsofgrief
TheHeartChakraAStartingPointforGrief
Although all chakras are involved during the grieving process the heartchakraistheprimaryonewhentalkingaboutgriefBecauseemotionalbondingdevelopsthereanahata isanessentialchakratoaddresswhenbuildingayogapracticeforaddressingthesymptomsandconsideringthenatureofthegrievingprocess It is thebridgebetween the lowerchakrasand thehigherones In thewords of John Selby ldquo[B]elow the heart chakra lies the world of matter ofsurvivalandprocreationofmanipulationandmasteryoverthephysicalrealmsof life Above lies the world of Spirit of pure thought and intuition ofinterpersonalcommunicationandultimatelyuniversalunityandtranscendenceTheheartchakrainitsmostbasicsenseisthemarriageofmatterandspiritofconcrete and abstract of knowledge andwisdomof earth andheavenrdquo (1992147) It represents a specifically human kind of evolution the growth of
humanityoutofdepthsoflowerordersandemotionsAs theseatof love thischakra iswhereour truechallenge lieswhen loss
occurswemustgothroughthedifficulttransitionfromldquolovinginpresencerdquotoldquolovinginabsencerdquoWecanskillfullyaskourselvesaboutthelosswearefacingIsourgriefaconsequenceofpureloveorpureattachmentItmaybeinterestingto notice the overlapping of these closely related emotions but according toyogathereisindeedadifferenceAsitissaidinyogaldquoLoveiswhatrsquosleftafteryoursquove let go of everything you loverdquo In this sense attachment can be seenpracticallyastheoppositeofloveaconceptthatmanifestsinsuchphrasesasldquoIfyoulovesomethingletitgordquo
YogarsquosquestforunconditionallovealsopertainstotheideathatlovingwiththeconditionofpresenceisnotrealloveldquoIloveyouaslongasyouarearoundrdquoisaratherlimitingconceptonethatdoesnothonortheexpansivenessofloveItis yet another example of the dualistic mind that validates reality based onphysicalpresenceWhatwecannotseewhatwecannottouchwetendtotreatas nonexistent To accept that love continues despite the absence of ourattachmentwemust transcenddualistic thinkingandembrace the inevitabilityofchange
Practicing yoga helps us to better understand this duality of love andattachment By developing a deeper awareness of and working on our heartchakraandthephysicalsensationsandfunctionsassociatedwithitanindividualcan experience enlightening expansion resulting in profound healingWe gainthe ability to synthesize our physical mental and spiritual awareness into apractice that acknowledges both the relocation of the deceased and onersquos owncontinuedpresenceon thisplaneofexistenceWhatbetterwaytohonora lostlovedone
GriefrsquosChallengetoSpiritualityldquoNot yet settled in a permanent home the soul takes temporary shelter in abodyrdquo says Kural 340 (Subramuniyaswami 1999 136) Ultimately thedifferencebetween traditionalpsychotherapyrsquos treatmentof thegrieverand theyogicviewisthespecialattentionyogagivestotheSpiritThesolutionforallcausesofsufferingofferedinTheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliistoreducethemtotheir source and deal with the resistance of the mind through meditation(Satyananda1976)Someofthespiritualsymptomsassociatedwithgriefcanbeseeninthefollowingtable
SPIRITUALSYMPTOMSOFGRIEF
FeelingangryatGod
AskingquestionsaboutGodlikeWhywouldGodallowthis
Asking questions about death and the deceased such asWhere is shenow Is he okay Can she see meWill I see him againWhat willhappenwhenIdie
Sensingthedeceasedrsquospresence
Hearingsmellingorseeingthedeceased
Havingdeathaffirmorchallengebeliefs
Experiencingawewondermystery
Reflectingonpersonalfinitude
Feelingtheneedtocontinuearelationshipwiththedeceased
Table5Spiritualsymptomsofgrief
ForsomegrieverslosscausesasplitfromspiritualityDoubtssurfaceabout
how life can continue in any meaningful way after someone dies Godrsquosgoodness is questionedwhen a child is killed People often feel anger towardGodwhenthelosstheyaregoingthroughseemssenselessorunfairForothersa similar loss can actually be a creative spark to onersquos individual spiritualjourney igniting a flame that yearns to connect with their untapped SpiritInquirymightresultinfindingnewanswersorindiscardingtheoldones
Especially in the case of death the losseswewitness force us to face ourownmortalityWeanalyzeandquestion thenatureof therelationshipwehavewith our own Spirit Impermanence as we know it forces us to question ourbeliefstoinquireaboutthemeaningoflifeandtowonderabouttheunknownYogadrawsinspirationfromthistypeofself-inquiryIfinfactasyogateachesuswe have everythingwe need for a good life then goingwithin seems therightdirectiontotakeSearchingfortheSpiritwithinthenbecomesarefugeavalidplaceforunderstandingandcreatingmeaningoutofloss
LoveBeyondAttachmentGrief and suffering are intrinsically intertwinedTherefore yoga as a spiritualdisciplineisanaturalfitasausefulsystemtoaddressgriefGriefrsquosrelationshiptoattachmentdepicts thenormalreaction tooneof thefiveessentialcausesofsufferingasstatedbythesagePatanjaliestablishinghowloveisdifferentfromalmostopposite to attachmentPlacedemotionallyandphysically inourheartchakra love is the positive expression of the chakra and attachment is thenegativeone
IntheWesternviewattachmentequalsloveandisalmostapreconditionforsurvivalBased on this leaders in the field of griefwork find that one of thegoalsofgriefcounselingand therapy is todevelopnewhealthierattachmentsAccordingtotheteachingsofyogathiscourseofactionleadstomoresufferingand actually undermines the transformative potential of our own grievingprocessByaccepting theultimate truths that theuniverse isbasedonandbyrelyingontheimpermanenceofourobjectsofattachmentwecandeveloptrueand enduring love that transcends the limitations of the physical placing lovebeyondattachmentOnly thendoweget in touchwithour trueessencemdashonlythenratherthanendingourjourneybeginshellip
ldquoThesoulrsquosattachmenttothebodyislikethatofafledglingwhichforsakes
itsemptyshellandfliesawayrdquo
mdashKural338(Subramuniyaswami1999136)
Any valid practical model destined to help those who are grieving mustinclude the spiritual challenges that grief presents It must also deal with thewaysinwhichthebodyexpressesgriefandthemindacknowledgestheresultingsuffering
The following chapter demonstrates my contribution to assist grievingindividualswith the complexities that grief entailsOutof necessitywebeginthe journeyofpracticebymeetinganydifficultieswith the forcesofwillTheresults of the practice itself and the wisdom one receives from thistransformativeendeavorwillbothamazeandinspireyou
Chapter3
HowtheYogaforGriefReliefPracticeWorks
Regardless of which worldviewmdashWestern or Easternmdashsuits you best it isimportant to remember that you must meet yourself where you are In thischapter I offer insights related to the purposeof each categoryof exercises inrelation to grief so that you can better understand how to address your needsBeforethatbeginsletrsquostakealookatanimportantprinciplethatappliestoyogaingeneralThetoolisneverasimportantastheonewhoiswieldingit
A piece of information an exercise or a technique is only useful if theoperatoriscautiousrespectfulcapableandconsciousWhetheryoupreferthepsychology-based approach of the Western model or the more spiritualunderstandingofEasternphilosophywhatrsquosmost important is toidentifywhatyouwanttodowithyourgriefbypracticingyogaThetoolsthatyouareabouttoreceivewillhelpaidyouinyourpursuit
Hereisametaphorthatmayhelpyoutounderstandthepowerofawarenesslocatedwithin yourself as you begin the practiceThe blacksmith can alwaysforge himself a new hammer but the hammer cannot make itself a newblacksmith In other words you will see that the process of reidentificationsproutsfromthesorrowfulseedsthatlieamidyourowngrief
As you start tomove through the pain of loss ask yourself how youwillapproachandengage in theyogapracticeWhatwouldyou like toaccomplishwith it As you incorporate various techniques to help cope with differentsymptoms encountered in your grief you will notice changes in your bodymind and emotionsYour experience each timeyoupracticemaybeuniquelydistinctchangingdependingonthedayyourmoodyourphysicalstateoryourlife circumstances Sometimes doing the same yoga technique in themorninginstead of in the evening might reveal distinct information and produce verydifferenteffectsonthepractitionerAsyoureadthischapterkeepinmindthattheintentionofthepracticeistocontactthatpartofyourselfthatknowsnolossSome call it the observer the higher self or the true witness of all yourexperiences
HowThisPracticeWasBorn
When I originally created this practice for transforming grief a suitablesequence of techniquesmdashthe best possible information to serve grievingindividualsmdashcamepouringfromwithinmewithuncannyeaseIcanonlyrefertothisexperienceasanactofpureyogicinspirationForyearsIfeltshyaboutsharingthewayinwhichthispracticecametolifeDespitemystrongsenseofits therapeutic effectiveness I feared peoplewould underestimate the value ofthesequencebecauseithadnotrequiredmonthsofstruggleelaboratestudyordemanding intellectual focus Experiencing this spontaneous reception ofaccurateandappropriateinformationproducedinthedepthofmybeinggavemehumility and awe Even personally knowing the magic of yoga I still feltawkward about the easewithwhich this perfectly applicable sadhana showeditselfunveilingtomethetoolstoworkwiththebereaved
Sincethatextraordinarymomentbackin1994Ihavepersonallywitnessedthe power of Yoga for Grief Relief at work Whether in clinical or informalsettingsgrouporprivatesessionsprofessionaltrainingsorpersonalretreatsthetransformationalpowerofthissadhanacontinuestoamazeme
Incidentally it was much later that I was able to identify that preciousmissingelement inmyawarenessyoga iswithineachoneofusalreadyThisknowledge often manifests as intuition that influences our creativity and allaspectsofourlivesInitiallymyinsightsaboutthebodyrsquosinherentinvolvementinthegrievingprocesscamefrommyownexperienceIwitnessedhowmybodyexpressedwhatmymind could not accept regarding the death ofmy belovedmother
When shedied Iwasayoungmanadamantly refusing toacceptherdeathandthepainthatresultedfromitInsteadIcameupwithmultipleexcusesforescaping my present reality cleverly supporting my behavioral choices withthoughtsthatseemedtoworkItoldmyselfthatmymomdidnotbringmeuptobeasadcreaturemourningherdeathineverycornerofourhouseSoIbusiedmyselfwithstudyinganddistractedmyselfwithtripstothebeachIlookedforexcitementdancingallnightlongdrinkingandhavingablast
Two years after her death the denial of the impact and the tearing ofmyheartmanifestedphysicallyasabonespurrightinthecenterofmychestwhereone of my ribs meets the breastbone It resembled calcifications that areproduced internally after a fractureorchestratedby thebody to strengthen theskeletalsystemYesIhadabrokenheartandmybodyshowedthattome
When the Yoga for Grief Relief practice assumed its full form it wasembracedbypractitionersasausefulsetoftoolsaffirmingtheeffectivenessand
perfectionofengagingancientyogatoaddressthevarioussymptomsofmodern-daygriefAsIcarefullybuilttheYogaforGriefReliefprogramIfirstincludedexercises that I thoughtwould take careof themoreobviousbodily effectsofgriefNextIaddressedtheproblemofperceptionsofthebereavedmindinordertoeffectchange in theneuroendocrinesystemFinally Isought tohelppeoplechangetheirperceptionofthelossandredefinethemselvesbasedonanewfoundself-awareness
TheActivePrinciplesofthePracticeYogaoffers techniques toenhanceourawarenessof the inherentvibrantunityamong body mind and spirit For the body yoga offers asanas or physicalmovementsthatimprovevitalfunctionsandenhanceemotionalawarenessForthemindyogausespranayamaorbreathworkBecausethequalityandrhythmof our breathing changes as we experience different thoughts and emotionsactivelyworkingwithourbreathingpatternscanbeausefulwaytoaddressthementalsymptomsencounteredingriefFinallyyogaoffersmeditationtoaddressthe Spirit since once the body is still and themind entertained thatwhich isneithermindnorbodycanmorefullymanifest
The yoga system is precise in how it prescribes exercises for specificsymptomsmuchlikeWesternmedicinedoesyetitisuniqueinacknowledgingthat each exercise addresses the full being The six significant categories thathelpustomovethroughthegrievingprocessarebreathworkbodymovementscleansingtechniquesrelaxationmindreprogrammingandmeditation
PranayamaIntroducingLifeControlThroughBreathWork
Pranayamainvolvesworkingdirectlywithourmostabundantlife-bestowingenergy our breath (prana) These exercises restore our sense of control byconnecting us to our innermost vitalitywhich easily falls out of balance afterlossConsciouslyworkingwithourbreathhelpstoreestablishbalanceandcopewith the fearsome loss of control that grief often presents It also helps us toacquaintourselveswithourmindsmoreintimatelytoobservethewaysinwhichweprocessouremotionsBasedonthisobservationwecandecidewhichtoolsweneedtousetoactivateourenergywhenfeelingdepletedortorelaxandfeelcalmwhenfeelinganxious
Because breathing is automatic and normally performed unconsciously
working consciously with the breath helps us to bridge the gap betweenconsciousandunconsciousEach timeweengage thebreath thiswaywehelpunite the intentional conscious mind and the more hidden unconscious mindallowingustofocusonthoseaspectsthatremainintheshadowycornersofourawareness
It is impossible to change thatwhichwe donrsquot knowor acknowledgeWeneed to recognize the existence of somethingbeforewe can transform it It isthroughourbreathawarenessthatweanchorourauthenticexperiencebringingattention to life in the present moment Our challenge is acknowledging theactual moment as is rather than what we think about it the intention is toactuallyexperienceandviewtheconcreterealityofthemoment
InUruguaywhereIwasbornthereisapopularsayingldquoAlifeistowriteabook to plant a tree and to bring up a childrdquoMy spiritualmasterMaharajiPremPalSinghRawatgivesitabeautiful twistsayingldquoLifeisonebreathinandonebreathoutnomorenolessSoactuallywritingabookplantingatreeorbringingupachildarelsquostoriesrsquoofliferdquo(1990)Givingpresencetoourbreathwegivepresencetoourlifeaswell
ThetediousnatureofthebereavementprocessdemandsoratleastrequestspatienceandawarenesssomethingconsciousbreathingdevelopsAfterallitisnotpossibletotakethenextbreathbeforethepresentoneiscompletethisistheonlywayinwhichlifecanhappenjustonebreathatatime
AsanaToolsforTransformingtheBody
Specificphysicalposesalterthesymptomsofgriefbyaddressingpainlackofenergyandvariousstructuralmalformationsourbodiescancontortintosuchashunchedbacksorcaved-inchestsThesetoolsforsomatictransformationcanbeputintopracticetopromotemovementofthephysicalandpsychiccontentsin the body Essentially any symptom whether psychological or physicalindicatesablockageofenergyresultinginthedisruptionofthenaturalbalanceofourhealthBypromotingthemovementofenergyweallowthelifeforcetoflowtothoseplacesin thebodythatneedit themostWealsobringthelatentcontentsofourmindstothesurfaceofconsciousnessmakingthemavailabletowitnessexploreandultimatelytransform
Our bodies are profoundly involved in the grieving process and infinitelywiserthanourmindsTappingintothebodyrsquoswisdomthroughmovementwhilemonitoring our intensified sensations and feelings gives us a much-needed
awarenessoftheconnectionofbodyandmindIntentionallyengagingourbodyin thesepractices is essential for our continuedoptimalhealth andwell-beingEstablishingtheconnectionmentallyandphysicallyallowsthemindtousethebodyasananchorduringtimesofunrest
Whenfacedwithanexperiencethatweperceiveas threateningwetendtoshield ourselveswith emotional armor built from previous pain and sufferingHabituallycuttingofftheflowofourlifeforcetoavoidcontactwithunpleasantfeelings literallypreventsus fromprocessing thepainofour emotionsLikeahouseofcardsbuiltonillusionthischaradedepletesourresourcesanddistractsusfromthetaskofworkingwithourauthenticfeelings
Performing these asanas challenges the holdings of the bodyrsquos armor (seeldquoBodyArmorADifferent Take on theChakrasrdquo in chapter 2) and helps thenatural energy hubs (chakras) connect enhancing the continuous flow ofconsciousness By stirring up the emotional and psychic contents held in themusclememorywe can connectwith our story throughour bodyrsquos display ofbothstrengthandweakness
As you will find many of the asanas presented here support the bodyrsquosvigorouschallengetofacethesymptomsofgriefYogicactionisgreatlyvaluedand especially effective in transforming griefAmong themanyother benefitsyoga offers choosing specific postures helps the body release some of theunwantedgrief-inducedchemicalspresentinthebloodstream
ShatkarmaACleansingTechniquefortheMind
Shatkarmaisagroupofyogiccleansingtechniquesusedtoreleaseemotionsthoughtsorphysicalexperiencestrappedinthebody-mindThisprocesscanbelikened to cleaning the surface of a crystal First it allows us to dealwith thegrime then it addresseswhat lies below and finally it encounters the pristineclarityofthecrystalundisturbedbywhatcloudedit
Intheparticularcaseofdealingwithgriefbeliefsystemsworldviewsandpreexistingmentalprogrammingusuallycloudourability toperceiveourgriefasnormalThetoxicbyproductsofstressthedebilitatingactionontheimmunesystem and the neurologically induced negative anticipatory thinking can andmustbetransformedsowecanstarttofeelbetteranddiligentlyandpurposefullyaccessthehiddengemfoundwithingrief
RelaxationCombatingStress
Relaxing practices such asanga shaithilya or self-relaxation are vital fordiminishing stress levels that areusuallyheightenedduringgriefAdjusting toournewundefinedrealityoften involves learningnewcopingskillsForsomeof us that alone can increase stress Relaxation is a potent normalizer andantidotetodealwiththeresultingsymptomsofbothsomaticallyexpressedstressandmentalanguishAngashaithilyaalsohelpsregulatedisturbedvitalfunctionssuch as breathing and cardiac rhythms sleep cycles and eating habitsRelaxation is also fundamental in helping the body achieve homeostasisbalancing blood-pressure levels and resetting the overall endocrine systemwhich in turnhelps to reduceourdramaticmoodswingsandgeneral stateofirritability
SankalpaResettingtheMind
OneofthemosteffectivementalreprogrammingtechniquesyogapossessesisSankalpa thepowerfulyogicprinciple referred toasldquoResolverdquoSettingourintentionorsayingaprayeroftenoutloudcanhelpresetthebrainandfocusthemind The application for grief in particular helps address the scattered andshatteredlinearthinkingthat issocharacteristicofgriefByfocusingthemindand identifying the present situation grieving individuals can clarify whatspecificchanges they intend toaccomplishThis tool is simplycalledResolveanditsurelyldquoresolvesrdquoThispracticeengagesourfullpresenceindicatingthatone is resolved to take the next step Resolve combats negative anticipatorythinking that stems from grief-induced disturbances of the limbic system Itaccomplishesthisbyformulatingintentionsonlyinthepresenttenseproducingpositive mental alignment and offering a powerful antidote for fear-basedruminations
MeditationTheChiefTechniquetoAddresstheSpirit
Many people think meditation involves stopping the mind Due to thiserroneousmisconceptionmanyfrustratedandconfusedseekerschoosetototallydiscard meditation In truth the attempt to stop the mind is futile since itcontradictsthemindrsquosinherentfunctioningwhichconstantlyshiftsfromthepast
tothefuturefromtherealtothefantasizedRatherthanattemptingtostopthemindmeditationofferstheever-changingmindalimitedrangeofchangemdashforexamplegoingfromchantingoneomtoanotherormovingfromonerepetitionoftheRosarytoanotheroneThisinturncomfortablydistractsthemindduetoanaturalfeatureofthebrainthatmaskspermanentstimuli
TobetterunderstandthismaskingfeatureimaginesomeonewhomovestoanewhomeinfrontofrailroadtracksandhearseachandeverypassingtrainAfewmonthslaterwhileentertainingathomeadinnerguestexpressesprofoundconcernabouttheintensenoiseldquoWowthesetrainsmustdriveyoucrazyrdquoThehostqueriesunthinkinglyldquoWhattrainsrdquo
HowthePracticeFunctionsasaWholeThe sadhana that Irsquove developed follows its own inherent rhythm leading usthroughprogressivesteps for transforminggriefFirst ithelpsusprepare tobepresentforthefullpaletteofourfeelingsthenitpromotestheproperflowoflifeforcecreatingoptimalconditionsforhealingNext itstirs theemotionalheartdeepeningourconnectionwithouremotionsandthenitprovidesanoutletforthe ones we want to release Subsequently it offers some control over theemotionalrollercoasterofgriefsothatbalancecanthenbeachievedThroughrelaxation thedeep releaseof internalandexternal stressors follows readyingthemindtoaccessnewprogrammingWethenhaveamoredirectunobstructedpathwaytothedepthofourSpiritforcreativelyredefiningournewidentity
OvercomingBarrierstoPractice
ThesadhanapresentedinthisbookisapracticeThereforeitrequiresyourcommitment to practice for you to reap the desired benefits This may seemobvious toyouyet that isnot so formanypeopleSomehope thatby simplyreadingthismaterialtheirsymptomswillspontaneouslyabateOthersalthoughencouragedby the results seenafter just a few initial rounds simplywill stoppracticebecausetheydonothavethewillorstrengthwithintocontinueSomereport that they donrsquot practice because of lack of appropriate support othersbecausetheyarewaitingforthemostidealconditionsthatneverseemtoshowupAlloftheseareexcusesthatcanandmustberesolved
SuccessinyogaandtheabilitytomanifestthebestpossiblelifeisbasedontwocoreprinciplespracticeandnonattachmentWorkingonnonattachment is
byfarmoredifficultthanworkingonestablishingapracticeEspeciallyduringexcruciatingly difficultmoments of bereavement the grievingmindmaywellresisttalkingaboutorconfrontingtheconceptofnonattachment
Asstatedinchapter1weonlygrievethelossofthatwhichweareattachedto This statement depicts exactly how grief and attachment are intrinsicallyintertwined
Eachpartofthesadhanaservestheoverallgoaloftransformingthecomplexexperience of grief by promoting body mind and spirit integration andrejuvenation
To accommodate the emotional waves and inherent fluctuations in thebereavementprocessIsuggestmaintaininganattitudeofdetachmenttowardtheimmediateresultsofpracticeSomedaysyourpracticewillbeintenseonothersitmaybemilderSomedaysyouwill feel content after practicing other daysyourpracticemighttakeyoutoplacesthatfeellessthansatisfyingThedeeperbenefitswill comeas a result of establishing a regular practiceKeep inmindthatinthebest-casescenarioaseriousdedicatedpracticecanactuallyleadonetononattachment
In the following chapter I will demonstrate how to do the practicesthemselveshoweachpracticehelpsusandhowtoestablishthebestlogisticstoensureasuccessfulpractice
Chapter4
WhatYouCanDoTheYogaPractice
This chapter features the sadhana a sequence of exercises presented in asimplewayandaspecificorderbestsuitedtoaidinyourgrievingprocessThepreviouschaptersharedinformationexplainingthegeneraleffectsofeachgroupof exercises This chapter explains how each technique specifically addressesgriefandhow topracticeeachoneby followingstep-by-step instructionsThechapter that follows this one will help you discern how and when to use theexercisesandifneedbehowtoadaptthemaccordingtoyourpersonalabilitiesand needsYoumay benefit from familiarizing yourselfwith both chapters asyou embark on your practice alternating between the two while learning thetechniquesandplanninghowtointegratethemintoyourlife
Hereisanat-a-glancelistofthesadhanaexercises(alongwiththeirSanskritnames)intheorderIproposetheybepracticedin
YogaforGriefReliefSadhana
Pranayama
CompleteBreathing(MahatYogaPranayama)
Asana
EnergyFlowSeries(Pawanmuktasana1)
Windmill(VayuChakramAsana)
AttitudeofDischarging(UtthitaLolasana)
Shatkarma
ConcentratedGazing(Tratak)
Pranayama
Alternate-NostrilBreathing(NadiShodhanaPranayama)
Relax
Self-RelaxationTechnique(AngaShaithilya)
MentalReprogramming
Resolve(Sankalpa)
Meditation
BreathMeditation
AcceptingLifeFully
ldquoLifeisonebreathinandonebreathouthelliprdquo
mdashPremPalSinghRawat
PracticingCompleteBreathingallowsyoutogetintouchwiththequintessentialmovementinyourlifeonebreathinandonebreathoutDuringbereavementthemindisconfusedinitsattempttograspanewrealityandtendstoruminateonthepastoranticipateanegativefutureSinceneitherof these tendenciesallowyoutoinhabitthepresentmdashtheonlyplacetoreallybemdashitisimportanttobringawarenesstowhatlifeisreallylikeinthemomentThisexercisecalmsthemindwhilethebodybenefitsfromreceivingaproperintakeofoxygenwhichhelpstoalleviatetheshortnessofbreathcommonlypresentwhengrieving
CompleteBreathing(MahatYogaPranayama)
Prior toactuallypracticingCompleteBreathing letrsquos takea lookatapreparatoryexercisethatwillhelpyoubetteridentifythethreepartsinvolvedinthetechnique
PreparationforCompleteBreathing
1 Lieonyourbackfindacomfortablepositionandplaceyourarmsatyoursideswithpalmsfacingup
2 ConnectwithyourbreathandobservethebreathrsquosnaturalrhythmObservetheinvolvementofyourbellyribsandchestinyourbreath
3 BringyourrighthandtothelowerbellykeepingtheelbowonthefloorBringthelefthandontoyourchestInhalebringingairmostlytothebellyExhalesoftlycontractingthebellyContinuetobreathethiswayforafewroundsNotethatatthistimethereshouldbenomovementofyourlefthandorintheribcageareaWitnesstherighthandmovingupanddownwhiletheleftremainsstill
4 Nowmovebothhandstotheribcageplacingthethumbatthebackoftheribscloseto
thespineandyourfingersinfrontMakesurethattheinneredgeofthehands(thumbtothetipoftheindexfinger)followsthecurveofyourribsRestthetipoftheindexfingerasclosetothefrontpartoftheribsasyoucanInhaleallowingtheribstoexpandExhaleallowingtheribstocomebacktowardthecenterofyourbodyastheycontractCompresstheribsslightlytowardthecenterofthebodywithyourhandsattheendoftheexhalationContinuetobreathethiswayforafewroundsNotethatthechestandbellyshouldexperiencelittlemovementatthistime
5 PlaceyourhandsbackatyoursidesforamomentbeforebringingthemtotheirpreviouspositionlefthandatthechestrighthandatthelowerbellyInhaleallowingthechesttofillupNoticethecollarbonesmovingtowardthejawboneThenexhaleallowingthechesttosoftlycontractasitreturnstotheoriginalpositionContinuetobreathethiswayforafewroundsAtthistimethereshouldbenomovementofthebellytherighthandortheribcagearea
Now that each phase of breathing has been broken down for you bring it together insequenceasCompleteBreathing
CompleteBreathing
1 Inhaleslowlyexpandingyourabdomen
2 Thenfullyexpandyourribs
3 Thenexpandthechestoutwardandupward
4 Exhalerelaxingfirsttheabdomenthentheribsandthenthechestfirstdownwardandtheninward
5 PracticecontinuousinhalationsandexhalationsTheremaybeatendencytoallowthebellytofallwhilebringingairintothechestDoyourbesttokeepthebellyfullduringinhalationandasyoucontinuetoengagetheremainingparts
Suggestedtime5minutes
Benefits
Itmaximizesyourinhalationsandexhalations
Ithelpsyougaincontrolofthebreathcorrectsalteredbreathingpatternsandincreasesoxygenintake
Itbringsawarenesstotheareawherethemainchakrasarelocatedthereforeenhancingconsciousconnectionwithrelatedthoughtsandsensations
Itservesasasymbolicacceptanceofthetotalityofthegrievingprocess
Ithelpspromoteapsychologicalsensationofgreatercontroloverlife
Precautions
Thewholeprocessshouldbeonecontinuousmovement
Eachphaseofbreathingmovesintothenextwithoutanyobvioustransitionpoint
Ifexperiencinglowerbackpainplaceacushionorothersupportunderyourknees
Contraindications
None
On a psychosomatic level by engaging your abdominal muscles duringCompleteBreathing you can connectwith gut feelings such as anger fear orguiltRawfeelingsexperiencedbytheheartoftenencounterresistancefromthemindThere isa reasonwhymanypeople refer to feelinganxiousashavingaknotintheirstomach
TheintercostalmusclesholdtheribstogetherandrelatetosafetyTheyarethemusclesthathelpprotectourpreciousvitalorgansItiscommontoseetherib cage locked in defensewith frightened and abused individualsBy tensingthe intercostals an individual attempts to re-create a sense of security that isbeing threatened Asking yourself questions to identify the threatmdashldquoWhat isthreateningmeHowcanImaintainasenseofsecurityWhatmightIneedtodordquomdashcanskillfullyelicitmuch-neededintrospectionAllowingtheribcagetoexpandissymbolicofyourintentiontobeflexibleregardingsafety
ThepectoralbreathrelatestoemotionsoryourelaboratedgutfeelingsMostofusfirstfilterourgutfeelingsthroughtheparametersofwhatweconsidersafethen transform them into complex emotions including other aspects related toourbeliefsystemsintellectualconsiderationslearneddefensemechanismsandmore
ldquoThewayinwhichyoubreatheisametaphorforthewayinwhichyouareliving your lifeAre you taking little sips of breath as though you donrsquot havepermission to takeupmuchspaceon theplanetrdquoasksAmyWeintraub(2004125)YourpracticeofCompleteBreathingissymbolicofyourcommitmenttoafullbreathandafulllifeThereforeyouareabletotrulyinhabitthepresentanddealwiththefeelingsthatgriefstirsupYoumightnotlikethesefeelingsyetitisnecessarytobepresentforthemiftheintentionistomovethroughthegriefprocess in a healthy way By exhaling fully you are also committing tocompletelylettinggoofwhatnolongerservesyoumdashperhapsagoodtrade-off
SomepeopleknowadifferentwayofpracticingthistechniquecalledDurgausingbellyribsandchesttoinhalebutexhalingusingchestfirstthenribsandbelly last I propose using belly ribs then chest for both inhalation andexhalation because it facilitates filling and also emptying the lungs mostefficiently Imagine one of those tubes of frosting with a metal tip used fordecoratingcakesIfyoureallywanttoemptyityoumustfirstpressthebottomthen the middle and last the tip The same applies to the lungs which arebasicallytwotriangleswiththebasefacingtowardthebottomofthetorsoThelungsemptymostcompletelywhen lowering thebelly first then theribs thenthechestThisactionalsoallowsforastrongerinhalationaftereachexhalationbecause nothing can be filled up completely if it has not been previously
emptiedAfter you havemastered the use of the three areas involved in this breath
workpleasepracticeCompleteBreathingusingyourpersonalbreathingrhythmPracticingbreathinginthewayIrsquoveindicatedcanbesymbolicallyusedasasignofyourwillingness toembrace thefullnessofyourgrievingprocessOnce thebreath is made conscious and its use enhanced by the practice of CompleteBreathingthenwecanattempttocontroltheflowoflifeforce
UnblockingtheFlowoftheLifeForceThisasanaseriesisamasterpieceofyogamdashatruegemmdashthoughperhapsduetoits simplicity deceptive power and gentle efficiency it is not alwaysacknowledged as such Unblocking the life forcersquos flow is essential whenattemptingtoregainhealthandpromotechangeThewordpawanmeansldquodivinewindrdquo and relates to the life force that comes with the breathmukta meansldquoreleaserdquo and asana means ldquoposerdquo Therefore pawanmuktasana translates toposes that removeblockages thatprevent thefree flowofenergy inbothbodyandmind This technique should be practiced from beginning to end withoutskippinganypart
EnergyFlowSeries(Pawanmuktasana1)
Sitwithyourlegsstraightandyourhandsbehindyourbodyfingerspointingawayfromyourtoes
ToeBending
1 Bringawarenesstoyourtoes
2 Nowrollthetoesforwardthenback
3 Keepyourawarenessonyourtoes
AnkleBending
1 Separateyourlegsslightlysothatwhenyouperformanklerotationsyourfeetdonottouch
2 Bringawarenesstoyourankles
3 RotateyouranklesinoppositedirectionskeepingthetoesrelaxedMakeaswidearotationasyoucomfortablycan
4 Nowreversedirections
KneeBending
1 Bringawarenesstoyourknees
2 Liedownonyourbackwithyourhandsunderthesacrumpalmsfacingdownandthesolesofyourfeetonthefloorkneesbent
3 Straightenyourrightlegupfully
4 Letthecalffallbendingattheknee
5 Nowswitchlegsandrepeat
6 Onceyouhavecycledthroughbothlegsstretchyourlegsoutfullyonthefloorremovingyourhandsfromunderthesacrumandlyingflatcontinuetobeawareofyourknees
HipRotation
1 Bringyourawarenesstothehips
2 Lifttherightlegslightlyoffthefloor
3 CrosstherightleglowovertheleftlegtowardyourleftarmkeepingthekneestraightKeepyourgluteusmusclesbackandshouldersflatonthefloortoavoidtwistingyourwaist
4 Bendtherightkneebringingittowardyourface
5 Opentherightlegouttotherightandstraightentheknee
6 Bringtherightlegtowardtheleftleg
7 Continuewiththerotationmakinganotherlargecircle
8 Repeatthecyclewiththesamelegbutrotateintheoppositedirection
9 Repeatwiththeleftleg
SpinalTwistProstrationPose
1 Bringyourawarenesstothewaist
2 Situpfromthelyingdownpositionandspreadyourlegsapart
3 Inhaleandbendthebodyforwardbringingyourarmstowardyourtoes
4 NowswingtheupperbodytotheleftandonanexhalebringyourtorsodowntothefloorcreatingatwistatthewaistYoushouldendupwithyourhandsandchinonthefloorandelbowsupMakesureyouleaveyourrightbuttockasclosetothefloorasyoucanwhilealsobringingtheleftshoulderdowntowardthefloor
5 Nowinhaleandcomeupswingingtheupperbodybacktowardyourfeet
6 Onanexhaleswingthebodytotherightside
7 Repeat
Besureyourchinrestswherethebackofyourheadwouldbeifyouwerelyingdown
HandClenching
1 Findacomfortablesittingposition
2 Keepingthespinestraightbringyourhandstothekneeswithpalmsfacingup
3 Bringawarenesstoyourfingers
4 Stretchthearmsforwardandstretchyourfingersspreadingthemapart
5 Thenbendyourfingersincreatingtwofists
6 Uncurlyourfingersandbringyourhandsbackdowntorestonyourkneeskeepingawarenessonyourfingers
Wrist-JointRotation
1 Moveawarenesstoyourwrists
2 StretchthearmsforwardagainmakingtwofistsKeepyourthumbsinsidethefists
3 KeepingyourhandsinthatpositionbringthemupandrotateyourwristsinoppositedirectionsKeepyourarmsparallelwiththefloorandmakesuretokeepthemstraighttheforearmsfacingdownrotatingonlythewrists
4 Nowreversethedirection
5 Bringyourhandsbacktothekneesrelaxthemandremainwithyourawarenessonthewrists
ElbowBending
1 Bringyourawarenesstotheelbows
2 Stretchtherightarmforwardwithpalmfacinguparmparalleltothefloor
3 Holdtherightarmwiththelefthandatthebicepareasupportingthewholearmsoitremainsatshoulderlevel
4 Bendtheelbowbringingyourfingerstotheshoulder
5 Nowlettheforearmfallforwardstraighteningyourarmagainwiththepalmfacingup
6 Changearmsandrepeat
7 Nowbringyourarmsdownrelaxingthemandplacingyourhandsattheknees
8 Keepyourawarenessontheelbows
ShoulderSocketRotation
1 Bringawarenesstoyourshoulders
2 Onaninhalemovethetipsofyourfingerstothetipsofyourshoulders
3 ExhaleplacingtheelbowstogetherinfrontofyourchestYourelbowsshouldtouch
4 InhalebringingtheelbowsupthenbackMakesurethehandstouchatthebackoftheneck
5 ExhalebringingtheelbowsdownthenforwardcompletingthecircleMakesuretokeeptheneckrelaxed
6 Repeattheexercisewiththeelbowsrotatingintheoppositedirection
7 Whendonebringyourhandstorestonthekneesrelaxingtheshoulders
NeckRotations
1 Bringawarenesstoyourneck
2 Lettheheadfallforward
3 Nowbringtheheadupthenletitrollbackopeningthemouthslightly
4 Repeatthemotion
5 Nowbringyourheadbackstraighttoitsoriginalpositionandtiltitslightlytotherightbringingtherighteardowntowardtherightshoulder
6 BringtheheadbackupandtiltittotheleftbringingthelefteardowntowardtheleftshoulderDonrsquotturnyourneckonlymovethehead
7 Nowbringthechindowntoyourchest
8 Bringthechinupandmoveittowardtherightshoulder
9 Thenbringyourchinuppointingittowardtheceiling
10 Nowmoveyourchintowardtheleftshoulder
11 Thenbringitdowntowardthechest
12 ReversedirectionsRemembertokeepyourshouldersandhandsrelaxedasyoucyclethroughthemovementsKeepyourawarenessonyourneck
Suggestednumberofrepetitionsnolessthan3timeseachmovement
Suggestedtime10minutes
Benefits
Itpromotesthefreeflowoflifeforce
Itoptimizestheconditionsforhealing
Itstimulatesproperlymphaticdrainage
Itimprovesproperjointfunctionalitycombatingtheeffectsofarthritisandotherdegenerativeillnesses
Itrelaxesthemusclesofthebodyandtheimpulsesthattravelbacktothebrainrelaxingthemind
Ittunesuptheautonomicnerves
Itbalanceshormonalfunctions
Itimprovesvitalorganfunctions
Itimprovestheattentivefacultyofthemind
Precautions
Stayfocusedoneachbodypartpriortomovingitwhilemovingitandafterwardaswell
BesensitivetopainassociatedwithpotentialpoppingsoundswhenmovingthehipsIfthepoppingisnotpainfulyoumightcontinue
IfmomentarilyunabletoperformamovementdonotskipthatjointorplaceRathervisualizethemovementasfullyasyouareabletothencontinuewiththesubsequentjoint
Contraindications
Thisseriesneedstobemodifiedifyouhaveinjuriesorlimitationsinanyparticularjointinvolved
Thosesufferingfromsciaticaorlowerbackndashrelatedconditionsshouldbesensitivetopainwhenperformingthoseasanasthatinvolvethisareaofthebody
Theneckexercisesshouldnotbeperformedfullybythosesufferingfromhighbloodpressureorextremecervicalspondylosis
As we free the energy in our body it flows from healthy places tocompromised areas promoting the flow of the life force nourishing the bodyfromwithinandallowingittohealGriefisnotanillnessalthoughattimeswecertainlyfeelquitesickOurbodiesacheyearningforthereestablishmentofourwell-beingAspracticehelpstorestoreorderandproperoverallfunctioningwearemoreequippedtocopewithgrievoushealthdisturbances
Placing our awareness on each joint helps us gain deeper contact withourselvesheighteningourperceptionofsensationsandfeelingsinthebody
Doing this offers thepossibilityof tapping into thebodyrsquos rhythmswhichare often much clearer than the perceptions of the mind After all we canrsquotchangewhatwedonrsquotknowWhilegrievingourawarenessisoftenmisguidedlyplacedon thedramaofour losses Increasingawarenessof thebody improvesthereceptivityofthemindbecauseoftheintricateunionofthesetwoaspectsofoursystem
Learninghowourbodyrespondstoouractionsisexpertlydemonstratedinthe alternation of first feeling a joint in stillness and then feeling it in actionWhenwe focus on how it feels tomove this part of our bodywe engage infeelingtheeffectsmoreprecisely
ThemonitoringoftheconditionofourjointsservesasamappingdeviceItis a fresh angle on self-reflection which enables us to witness progress Themoving body releases information regarding feelings and mental impressionsthatweholdinourmoleculesBycarefullylisteningtotheemergencewecanhear our own internal guidance taking us a step closer to reinforcing existingfeelingsorchangingthemtosuitourneeds
The flexions and extensions contractions and torsionsmdashall help the bodypurgeundesiredchemicalbyproductsofgriefTheseactionspromotethereleaseoftoxinsthatifleftinsidemakeouranxietygreaterourdepressiondeeperandourconfusionmorepronouncedMonitoringthedailychangeshelpsuswitnessthe small improvements that practice of this technique brings By witnessingthesedailymicroimprovementsyoucangainrenewedhopeinthepossibilityofincrementalshiftsthatreduceclassicalnegativeanticipatorythinking
Themindcanconvenientlyldquoforgetrdquosomejointssotry toremembertonotskip any of the exercises so as to avoid further blockages Even if you canrsquotmovea jointdue toafunctional limitationsimplyvisualize therotationOncewersquove cleared the pathways of the life force in the system we are ready tofurtherstirupourfeelingsandmakeadeeperandmoresignificantconnectionwith themmdashsomethingthefollowingexercise theWindmill isuniquelysuitedfor
WhiskingUptheFeelingsTheWindmillisthekeyasana intheYogaforGriefReliefsadhanaandgivesyou access to themost powerful resource you can tap intoAlthough it is notfound in classical yoga texts it relates to a similar exercise included inBioenergeticsatechniqueinventedbyAmericanphysicianandpsychotherapistAlexander Lowen (1994) I felt inspired to design theWindmill exercise andintegrateit intomygrief therapypracticebecauseof theprofoundeffect ithadon me As a somatic psychotherapist I was absolutely fascinated by theimmediate effect of how quickly whirling arm movements enhance theperceptionoffeelingsInadditionIlearnedthatintraditionalChinesemedicinesome rotational movements of the arms are often prescribed to deal withsymptomsofgriefpinpointedinthelungs
AnandaBalayogiBhavananiadearfriendandoneofthemodernscholarsofYoga in India provided me with a Sanskrit name for the technique vayuchakramasanaorldquowheelofairrdquoThroughmanyyearsofusingthistechniqueIhavecometorealizethattheeffectivenessoftheWindmillisabsolutelyduetothe intentionally direct contact with anahata chakra the heart center whereattachmentisdeveloped
Windmill(VayuChakramAsana)
RightArm
1 Standwithyourfeetparallelthekneesunlockedthespinestraightandyourarmsatyoursides
2 Turnthethumbofyourrighthandinwardtowardthelegfirstthenturnitbackwardsothatyourpinkyfacesforwardandyourpalmfacesouttotheside
3 InhaleasyoumoveyourarmforwardandupStopafterthearmpassesslightlybehindtheheadandholdyourbreathfeelingtheslightstretchinthepectoralmuscles
4 OpenyourmouthrelaxyourtongueandwhileexhalingletthearmdropbackanddownwhileemittinganldquoaaahrdquosoundAvoidbumpingyourlegwithyourarmasitdropsdowninafreefallAllowthearmtonaturallystopswinging
SemifastForm
1 Afteranumberofrepetitionsoftheslowformbendyourkneesslightlyandrotateyourarmcontinuouslyatmediumspeedfollowingthesamemotionasbefore
2 AllowforaquickinhalationthroughthenosefollowedbytheldquoaaahrdquosoundasyoucontinuouslyrotateyourarmMakesureyourarmrotatescontinuouslyAvoidholdingyourbreathasyoudidbeforeAvoidbobbingupanddownkeepyourkneesbentthroughout
FastForm
1 Increasethespeeduntilyourotatethearmasfastasyoucanwhilecontinuingtobreathemdashmorerapidlynowmdashandmakingtheldquoaaahrdquosound
2 Stopthemovementstraightenthekneesandconnectwithanyemotionsorfeelingsthatmightarisewithclosedeyes
Youmightexperiencepain inyourfingertips If thepain istoointenseyoumayholdyourarmuprightandallowthebloodtoflowawayfromtheextremitieswhichreleasesanypainalmost immediately Please also consider bearing with the pain because it might be aneffectivemetaphorforyourwillingnesstowithstandthepainofgrief
LeftArm
1 Repeatasfortherightarm
BothArms
1 Facebothpalmsoutwiththepinkiesfacingforward
2 Inhaleasyoumovebotharmsforwardandup
3 StopthemovementwhenthearmspassslightlybehindyourheadHoldyourbreathfeelingtheslightstretchinbothpectoralmuscles
4 Openyourmouthrelaxyourtongueandwhileexhalingletthearmsdropbackanddownwhileemittinganldquoaaahrdquosound
SemifastForm
1 Afteranumberofrepetitionsoftheslowformbendyourkneesslightlyandrotateboth
armscontinuouslyatmediumspeedfollowingthesamemotionasbefore
FastForm
1 Increasethespeeduntilyourotatethearmsasfastasyoucanwhilecontinuingwiththefastbreathandtheldquoaaahrdquosound
2 Stopthemovementstraightenthekneesandconnectwithanyemotionsorfeelingsthatmightarisewithclosedeyes
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10timeswhenperformingtheslowversionnolessthan10 times when performing the semifast and fast versions A better recommendationhoweverisforyoutosimplyself-regulatetherepetitionssincecountingthemcandistractfromtheupsurgeofemotionalcontent
Benefits
Itunblockstheheartchakraoxygenatingandrelaxingthepectoralmuscleswhileallowingthefeelingsandemotionstofindawaytothesurfaceofyourbodyandyourconsciousness
Itenhancestheupper-pectoralbreathincreasingthelungsrsquocapacitytoreceiveair
Itincreasesbloodcirculationtotheupperthorax
Ithelpsreleasetightnessintheneckandlessenthesensationoffeelingchoked
Itincreasesageneralfeelingofaliveness
Itincreasesthesensationinthesolesofyourfeetallowingadeeperfeelingofgrounding
Precautions
EnsurethattheneckremainsrelaxedandtheheadstaysstraightthroughouttheexerciseAvoidtiltingtheheadinanydirection
Keepyourkneesbent(whenpracticingthesemifastandfastforms)toreducelower-backimpact
Bearinmindthatalldegreesofpracticemdashfromvisualizationtofullperformancemdashareeffective
Remembernottobreakthestraightlineofyourpostureasyouexhaleandbringthearmsdown
Donottwistthebodytothesideorrotateitwhiledroppingthearmsdownasyouexhale
Contraindications
ThosesufferingfromrotatorcuffndashrelatedconditionsshouldonlyvisualizetheWindmillorperformitinawaythatdoesnotpromotepainIfpainappearsstopmovementthentryasimplerlessinvolvedvariation
ThesemifastandfastmovementsshouldbeperformedwithcarerespectingtheinherentlimitationswithregardtoanypreexistingconditionssuchasneckshoulderorbackinjuriesoraheartconditionIfanyofthesemovementspromotemorethanslightpainorifyouhavedoubtsaboutwhethertheyareappropriateforyouatthistimepleaseconsultamedicalprofessionalbeforeperformingthisexercise
TheWindmillhelpsactivatethepectoralmuscleswhilehelpingthescapulaeto rotate unlockingour emotional armor and relieving tension in the shoulderarea As the tense muscles start to loosen our perceptions change as buriedemotionsstartmigratingfromstuckplacesinthebody
The nature of the Windmill exercise is active I feel it is important toemphasize that although it is natural to resist the emotions these movementsmightbringupworkingthroughthemistheonlywaytotransformgrief
PracticingtheWindmillproveshelpfulforwhatwasoncetenselockedandshutawaytobecomeopenanddynamicYouareinvitedtomeetyourselffullywhenyouactivate thispartofyourbodyenhancing thepotential toalteryourperceptionofyourpreviouslyheldbeliefs
Justlikekidsthinktheyareinvisiblewhentheyhidebehindtheirownhandswhileplayingpeek-a-booweplayanadultversionofthegamebythinkingthatbynotnamingourfeelingsandignoringthemwedonrsquotfeelthemWeknowthateverybody can see the little kid behind his hands and in a similar way ourhigherselfcanseewhatwedonrsquotwanttoacknowledgeaspartofourexperienceHowcanwechange somethingwhenwedonrsquot know it is thereHowcanweconsciouslytransformabeliefifwearenotawareofit
Moving through thepainofgrief is anessential taskFeeling thepainandbecomingfamiliarwith it is thefirststepNextweconsciouslyworkwith thepainandtransformitthroughouractionsRememberthatyouhavenotactuallycreatedanyfeelingsbypracticingtheWindmilltheyarealreadythereinsideofyou
Theshortmomentofretentionofthein-breathallowsforanopportunitytomatchthebodyrsquospresentenvironmentofoverchargedfeelingsandtension thatyouaregoingthroughinlifeanditpreparesthesystemforthesubsequentreliefwhenswingingthearmbackanddownTheldquoaaahrdquosoundinducesyourabilitytoexpressyourselftogetthingsoffyourchestSoundhelpsopenthepathwaystowarda full expressionof theemotionsassociatedwith the loss andwith thenew situation that results Because grieving individuals need to be heardopening the avenues of communication both with yourself and others is veryimportantTheUniversebehavesaswavesusingsoundcanhelpyoubegin to
modifyyourrealityonacosmiclevelYourabilitytospeakyourtruthreshapesthecircumstancesthatcomposeyournewreality
DuringtimesofgriefacknowledgingwhereweareinrelationtoourprocesscanbechallengingProbablyinfusedbythesocietalawkwardnessaroundgriefmdashthe fact that nobody wants to talk about itmdashwe too feel awkward and notnecessarilycomfortableexposingourachingheartsshowingourtruepainThispromotes isolation and enhances the feeling that no one can understand usWhileitistruethatnotwoindividualsgrieveinthesamewayitisalsotruethatthereareuniversaltraitstoeveryonersquosgriefandsharinginthisprocesscanbeofimmense assistance at this time Being able to speak about your realitywhengrievingcanhelpyouemotionallyaccepttherealityofthelossThisisliberatingin itself provided that the other is a good listener What is a good listenerSomeone who is receptive accepting and willing to just listen and not giveadvicesomeonewhoisnotapttogiveflippantanswerssuchasldquoDonrsquotworryyoursquollbeallrightrdquo
SomeprefertheslowformoftheWindmillbecauseitismorepleasantthanthesemifastandfastformsPreferablythefasterformsofthetechniqueshouldbe practiced with supervision and closely monitored by an experienced andseasoned yoga therapist or even better by a competent body-orientedpsychotherapistTheelevatedenergetictoneofboththesemifastandfastformsoftenevokeveryintensefeelingsThewillingnessandreadinesstoexposeyourdeepestdefensemechanismsdemands increasedcaution compassion andcaretowardyourself
I have seen many yoga practitioners having breakthroughs with theWindmill tapping into their own unmasked hearts at times exhilarated bymerelywitnessingtheirownrichpaletteoffeelingsothertimesoverwhelmedbythe intensityof itallBecause theconsequencescanbevery intense I suggestusingtheslowformonlyatfirstYoumaywanttoleavetheothertwospeedsforatimewhenyoucanpracticewithproperguidanceandareemotionallypreparedtoworkwithwhatarisesWhileitistruethatyouwanttofaceyouremotionalrealityyoumustdosoinawaythatisfeasibleandproductiveforgrowth
The imageof awindmill using thepowerof thewind to grindgrains intoflourisasavalidanalogyasitexemplifiestheprocessofworkingthroughourown grief Transforming the hardness of the process into something we canderivenurturancefrommirrorsthehardshellonthegrainThemillingturnsthehardness into something thatwecanuseBy releasingour armoredpostureofprotectionwegainaccesstothehiddengemwrittenaboutearlierinthischapterChapter6furtheraddressestheaspectsofsuchatransformation
LetGoThe Attitude of Discharging exercise offers an extraordinary outlet for yourheightened feelings brought to consciousness after practicing the WindmillNow stirred up your emotions are available and accessible for creativeexternalization
ThisasanademonstrateshowyogacanbeusedtoaddressissuesattheircorebyhelpingindividualsdischargeunwantedfeelingsInsteadofofferingspecificantidotes foreach feelingweefficientlyassumeanattitudeof lettinggo tobeappliedtoanyandallfeelings
ThequestiongrievingindividualsaskmostoftenisldquoWhatdoIdowiththesefeelingsrdquoEventhoughfeelingsaretobefeltitistruethatmostofuswanttodosomething with them In the words of JWilliamWorden ldquoSadness must beaccompaniedbyanawarenessofwhatonehaslostangerneedstobeproperlyand effectively targeted guilt needs to be evaluated and resolved and anxietyneedstobeidentifiedandmanagedrdquo(200996)
Onceyouidentifyyourfeelingsyoucanassesswhatactionsareneededtoaddress them The following asana allows you to discharge negative andunpleasant feelings or perhaps to discharge those that prevent you fromaccessing the positive feelings you awaken by practicing the Windmill andwouldliketoexperiencemoredeeply
AttitudeofDischarging(UtthitaLolasana)
1 Standwithlegsapartfeetparallelandkneesbent
2 Onaninhalebringthearmsforwardandupthenbendbackwardmovingthepelvisforwardandtiltingtheheadback
3 Holdyourbreathattheendoftheinhalation
4 Openyourmouthrelaxthetongueandthenwhileexhalingswingtheupperbodyforwardanddownuntilcomingtoacompleterelaxationoftheupperbodyandemittinganldquoaaahrdquosound
5 WhileinhalingmovethearmsforwardandupRepeat
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10times
Benefits
Ittonesthespinalnerves
Itmassagesthevitalorgans
Itstretchesthehamstringsandbackmuscles
Itimproveslymphaticmovementanddrainagefromtheabdomenandbaseofthelungsallowingforanimprovedfullerbreath
Itstimulatesbloodflowtothebrain
Itfacilitatesdischargeofferingfeelingsandemotionalsensationsawayout
Precautions
Keepthekneesbentatalltimesincludingattheendoftheinhalationwhenyouarebentbackward
Makesuretheheadandarmscometoafullrelaxationaftereachdownwardswingingmovementwhenperformingtheregularversion
Contraindications
ThisasanashouldbemodifiedifpracticedbypeoplesufferingfromvertigoInthiscaseavoidplacingtheheaddown
Peoplewithhighbloodpressureshouldavoidthecompleteversionoftheasanalimitingtheforward-downmovementwiththeuppertorso
Thosesufferingfrombackconditionsparticularlyinthelowerbackneedtomonitorpainespeciallywhencomingupafterthedownwardswingingmovement
Thedifficultmomentofbendingbackwardattheendoftheinhalationmightmirror an equally challenging moment during bereavement that of feelingexposed awkward imbalancedvulnerableThe forcefuldownwardmovementoffersanopportunitytoreleasethoseembodiedfeelings
Irsquovefoundthreevariationsofthisposturetobeparticularlyhelpfultothosewhoaregrieving
The first variation includesperforming the technique in a continuous fashion andwith noretention of the in-breath at the end of each inhalation Always keep your knees bent toavoid locking them in an attempt to control the heightened intensity of feelings In mypractice Irsquove found that active people andmen in particular usually enjoy this variationbecause of its enhanced active component The constant use of the ldquoaaahrdquo sound alsotendstoresonatewithmenwhousuallyprefergrowlingouttheiremotionstotalkingaboutthem
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10times
AsecondvariationentailsldquoplacingrdquotheparticularfeelingyouneedtodischargeinthepalmsofyourhandsAsyoumoveforwardanddownvisualizethatemotionbeingreleasedintothe earth Holding the feeling in the palms helps the mind concretize the feeling andenhancestheintensityandfocusofthedischarge
Suggestednumberofrepetitions10times
A third variation has your hands making full contact with the floor at the end of theexhalationwith the ldquoaaahrdquosoundsustainedAvoid tapping thehandson the floor ratherkeep the full contact for as long as you are exhaling and emitting the ldquoaaahrdquo soundVisualizepushingthefeelingsforcefullyintothehotmagmaatthecenteroftheearthAllowthe upper body to fully lean on the hands and intensify the push imagining the emotiontravelingathighspeedandmeltingintotheearthrsquoscoreRememberthatmeltingsomethingdoes not get rid of it it merely changes its form In a similar way our feelings cannotdisappearbutinsteadcanbetransformedwithintentiontimeandwork
Suggestednumberofrepetitions3times
IfyouarecompromisedinyourbodilycapacitytoperformthisexercisebesafeandonlyengageuptoyourlimitorpracticebyvisualizingthetechniqueIrsquove evenproposed this exercise to people confined to awheelchair engagingonlytheupperbodyarmsandheadasavariationofthisposture
After performing such an intense asana we are now ready to move to aquietercalmerpracticetocontinueworkingwithourgrief
SleepBetterandAwakentoaNewPerspectiveThetechniquethatfollowsisusefultohelpbalancethepinealglandBecauseofitsinvolvementinregulatingthefunctionsoftheotherendocrineglandsthisisagoodway to reset the endocrine system in its entirety This exercise can helpindividualsstrengthentheirprotectionfromforeignagentsandavoidtherelapseofpreexistingconditionsthatoftenoccursatthisvulnerabletimeThisisduetothe relationship between the endocrine system and the immune systemparticularlyatthethymusglandThepinealglandisoftenheavilytaxedduringthegriefprocess and the insomniamanygrieversexperiencemdashor itsoppositeoversleepingmdashis the result of an imbalance in the melatonin it producesEngaging the optic nerves is a way of addressing this disturbance since theglandreactstolightregisteredthroughthesenerves
ConcentratedGazing(Tratak)
1 SitcomfortablyandextendyourrightarmwithyourfistclosedandyourthumbpointingupthethumbnailfacingyouIfyouneedsupportforthearmplacetheclosedfistofyourlefthandattherightarmpitYoumayalsobendtherightkneeanduseyourkneetosupportthearm
2 Locateadistantobject(atleast10feetaway)ateyelevelasafocalpointandplaceyourthumbnailwithinthelineofvisionbetweenyoureyesandthedistantobjectoffocusTheobjectbeingfocusedonshouldberelativelysmallsuchasadoorknobarockoradrawnblackdot
3 Focusonyourthumbnailfor1minute
4 Shiftyourfocustothedistantobjectfor1minute
5 Shiftbacktoyourthumbnail
6 Repeattheprocessofswitchingthefocus3times(6timesintotal)Avoidblinkingthroughouttheexerciseifyoucan
Suggestedtime Including1minuteof focusandthreeswitchesbetweenfocalpoints thepracticetakes6minutes
Benefits
ItstimulatestheopticnerveswhichpromptsthefunctionsofthepinealglandTheresultingbalancedlevelsofmelatonintendtoregulatemanybiorhythmsincludingthesleep-wakecycle
Ithelpsregulatestressbyinfluencingthefight-or-flightreactionandmodulatesthe
immunesystem
Itincreasesnervousstabilityremovesinsomniaandrelaxestheanxiousmind
Itimprovesthememoryandhelpstodevelopgoodconcentrationandstrongwillpower
Spirituallyitawakensajnachakra
Precautions
Alwaysavoidunnecessarystrain
Betolerantofdifferentexperiencessuchasseeingtwothumbsortwodistantfocalpointsmdashtheseexperienceschangewithtime
Contraindications
Thosesufferingfromglaucomashouldbesensitivetopainandmodifythepracticeasneededbyreducingthetimefocusingorthenumberofchangesbetweenfocalpoints
Many practitioners report falling asleep before completing a full round ofConcentrated Gazing With steady practice cosmic rhythms soothe the bodyhelping it remember when to sleep and when to stay awake The wisdom ofhealthy grieving lives more in the Spirit than in the mindWorking with thepineal gland is important for its connection with ajna chakra the third eyewhere we view life through awakened intuitive knowledge Our Spirit knowsthatthingsendandourbodiesareaccustomedtoprocessingendingsconstantlyyetitisourmindsthatwantthethingsweareattachedtotobewithusforever
ConcentratedGazingalsooffersasymbolicopportunity to takea lookathowwewant totransition through the next steps of our lives The two focal points one close and onedistant serve as symbols of the situations we go through when grievingWhen the oldrealityisnotthereanylongerandthenewoneisnotyetknownourcontrollingmindshavea hard time waiting The negative anticipatory thinking indicative of the limbic systemrsquosinvolvement ingriefmakesusperceivetheprojectednewrealitynegatively It fillsuswithideassuchasthinkingthatnoonewillloveusasmuchorthatnojobwilleversuitusinthesamewayThatmightbetrueorcompletelyfalseandwecanrsquotknowyetInthemeantimewe can only trust the journey and accept that changewill come Shifting focus from thethumbnail (our present situation) to the chosen distant point (the new reality to bediscovered)symbolizesthejourneyahead
DecidingonwhatcouldbethedistantfocalpointcanbeveryusefulindeterminingthenextstepsofthejourneyYoucanchooseapicturerepresentativeofhowyouwouldliketofeelinthefutureorthehouseyouwouldliketohaveorthejobyouwouldliketogetPlaceitinthedistancesowhenyouswitchtothatfocalpointyouareaddingintentionandmeaningtoyourpracticeDecidingwheretostartandwheretoend(with thedistantorclosefocalpoint)canaddstrengthtoyourabilitytomeetyourselfwhereyouareandtoyourprecisionindefiningyourfuture
Sometimes the eyesget tiredor strainedwhenpracticing this technique Ifthishappensrubthepalmsofyourhandstogetherthenbringthecuppedhandstoyoureyesandenjoythewarmthanddarknessthatcansoothethem
After acknowledging the reality of your loss identifyingwhere you are inthepresentmomentandbeginningtounderstandwhereyouwouldliketobeinthe futureyoucanpracticea technique thathelpsyoucontrolyour immediateenvironmentandeffectivelycalmsthemind
ControlIsSomehowPossibleOneoftherealitiesofgrief is that inmostcases thelosswasprobablyoutofourcontrolEvenwhenthelossistheresultofachoicethesubsequentsufferingisoftenunavoidableIfwehadcompletecontrolwewouldneverloseanythingnorwouldwechoosetosuffer
When confronting the challenges of grief themind and the body both gothrough symptoms thatmimic our discomfortwhen facedwith loss of control(difficultybreathingmuscletensionetc)Byactivelyengagingbothmindandbody through yoga exercises we can immediately bring back some sense ofcontrolintoourlivesOurmostimmediateconnectiontolifeisourbreathandbringingbalancetoitcanbeachievedbypracticingAlternate-NostrilBreathing
Alternate-NostrilBreathing(NadiShodhanaPranayama)
YoumaynotknowitbuttherightnostrilandtheleftnostrilrarelycarrythesameamountofairTrythissimpleexerciselickyourindexfingerinhaleandbringyourfingerclosetoyourrightnostrilwhileexhalingthenrepeatwiththeothernostrilWellUnlessyouareindeepbalanceatthistimeoneofthemcarriesmoreairthantheother
1 Sitinacomfortablepositionwiththeheadandspineuprightandtheleftarmbentoveryourbellysothattherightelbowcanrestontheleftforearm
2 HoldthefingersofyourrighthandinfrontofyourfaceResttheindexandmiddlefingersgentlyonthecenteroftheeyebrowsBothfingersshouldberelaxedPositionthethumbnexttotherightnostrilandtheringfingernexttotheleftnostrilThelittlefingershouldbecomfortablyfolded
3 Inhalethenclosetheleftnostrilwiththeringfingerandexhalethroughtherightnostril
4 Inhalethroughthesamerightnostril
5 Unblocktheleftnostrilandclosetherightonewiththethumb
6 Exhalethroughtheleftnostril
7 Inhalethroughthesamenostriltheleft
8 Unblocktherightnostrilandclosetheleftonewithyourringfinger
9 Exhalethroughtherightnostrilandinhalethroughthesamenostril
10 Continuethealternationonlychangingnostrilsaftertheinhalation
Suggested time5minutesofAlternate-NostrilBreathingplus5minutesofSingle-NostrilBreathingifdesired
Benefits
Itinducestranquilityclarityofthoughtandconcentration
Itincreasesvitalityandlowerslevelsofstressandanxietybybalancingtheflowoflifeforce
Itclearslifeforceblockagesandbalancestheflowinbothnostrils
Carbondioxideisefficientlyexpelledandthebloodispurifiedoftoxins
Itpromotesspiritualawakening
Precautions
Avoidforcingthebreath
Donotbreathethroughthemouth
SometimesonenostrilmaybeblockedpreventingtheeasyflowofbreathIftherightnostrilisblockedmakeafistwithyourlefthandandplaceitunderyourrightarmpitPressupagainsttheunderarmbringingyourrightarmdownContinuetopracticethiswayfor3minutesThenremovethehandRepeatfortheleftsideasnecessary
Contraindications
None
In yoga the right nostril relates to the sun masculinity activity givingdaytime extroversion social life partying The left relates to the moonfemininity passivity receiving nighttime introversion spiritual life restingWhen experiencing anxiety your right nostril is more engaged the oppositeoccurs when you are depressed or depletedmdashthe left nostril carries more airMaking the air go through both nostrils alternately brings your system into amorebalancedrelationshipbetweenyouractiveandpassiveaspectsoftheselfinfluencingthewayyouexperience thepresentsituation ItallowsthemindtocalmandtapintothealternationofallthingsThiscanhelpyoutrustthateventhoughyouarenowanxiousyouwilleventuallyrelaxandifyouaresadyouwilleventuallybehappyagain
The rightnostril also corresponds to the sympathetic energizingbranchofthe autonomic nervous system The left nostril is related to the relaxingparasympatheticbranchthatusuallyprevailswhenoneisgrievingBalancingtheactivity of these two aspects of your nervous system reestablishes the lost
equilibrium regulating your functions and balancing your reactions This isassuredlyamuchmorestablewaytorespondtoyournewenvironment
Practicingbreathingthroughasinglenostrilmdashprovidedthatitrsquosnotdoneformore than 5 minutesmdashcan bring surprising changes to your emotional stateenergizing you when yoursquore feeling depressed and calming you when yoursquorefeelinganxiousMentallyyoucangainamorepositiveperspectiveorcalmtheconstantchatterof thoughtswithAlternate-NostrilBreathingGiven thepowerofthistechniquethedirectiveofdoingamaximumof5minutesrsquoworkwithonenostrilistobetakenseriouslyPleaseknowthatexceeding5minutesrsquotimecanresult in difficulties negotiating the altered state and rebalancing your energyproperly
In general retaining the breath either in or out is another possiblemanipulationofthebreathwhenpracticingpranayamaOnapsychologicallevelithelpsusperceiveanddealwithtwooppositetypesofanxietiesretainingthein-breathrelatestotheanxietyweexperiencerelatedtolifetoitsfullnesstoitsintensityretainingtheout-breathrelatestoourfeelingsaboutdeathingeneraland particularly our own deathsWhile practicingAlternate-NostrilBreathingnotice if you are holding your breath at the end of the inhalation or theexhalationandseeifitrelatestoyourfeelings
Voluntarilymanipulatingtheactiveandpassivewithinyouhelpsyouacceptthat change is the norm that all things fluctuate and that change is possiblewithinyourselfNomatterwhereyouareinyourgrievingprocessyouwillnotbe in the same place in the future regardless of what things look like in thepresent moment Switching willingly from one nostril to the other andwitnessingthechangehelpsyourmindintegratethenewsituationaspartofyourever-changinglife
After witnessing the varying symptoms of grief and starting to use yourbreathtobringbackasenseofcontrolyouarenowreadytofullyrelax
BringingCalmtoaScatteredMindandaDistressedBody
GriefisstressfulThereforeastateofrelaxationiscrucialandyetthisstateisdifficulttoaccessmostofthetimeThestress-relievingeffectsofyogaaresomeofthemoststudiedfeaturesofthedisciplineandareveryusefulwhengrievingEven though any relaxation technique could work and would be good myintention in including a self-relaxation technique is to empower individuals to
use their ownmeans to relaxThe first lesson of loss is to not depend on thepermanenceof thingsmdashwhich iswhyanexternal sourceof relaxation suchassoothingmusicoraguidedrelaxationonaDVDwhilebeneficialwouldnotusethenewlyacquiredinformationtoourmaximumbenefit
Self-RelaxationTechnique(AngaShaithilya)
1 LieonyourbackwithyourpalmsfacingupBringyourawarenesstothebreathFindthenaturalrhythmofyourbreathbreathinginandoutslowlyandsteadilythroughthenostrils
2 Nowbringtheawarenesstoyourfeet
3 Inhaleexhale
4 InhaleexhalerepeatingtoyourselfsilentlyldquoMyfeetarerelaxedrdquo
5 Bringawarenesstoyourlegs
6 InhaleexhaleWhileexhalingrepeatsilentlytoyourselfldquoMylegsarerelaxedrdquo
7 Bringawarenesstoyourpelvis
8 InhaleexhaleWhileexhalingrepeatsilentlytoyourselfldquoMypelvisisrelaxedrdquo
9 ContinuethepracticebyrepeatingthesamepatternforHands
Arms
Shoulders
Back
Torso
Neck
Face
Head
Mind
10 EndbyrepeatinginternallyldquoIamcompletelyrelaxedrdquothreetimes
Suggestedtime10minutes
Benefits
Itrelaxesthebody
Ithelpsthemindrelax
Itcombatsthestressfuleffectsofgrief
Itreplenishesthegeneralenergylevelofthebodycombatingfatigue
Precautions
Doyourbesttomemorizethetwelvebodypartsincludedinthetechniquetoavoiddistractionswhilepracticingit
Contraindications
None
Using a technique that offers relaxation with deep detailed awareness ofoneself and that is grounded in the rhythm of the breath is a great way tointegrate other exercises of the practice in the relaxation Notice that thisexercise follows the samebodyorder as theEnergyFlowSeriesOpening thepracticewiththedirectivetostayconnectedwithyourbreathrhythmisanotherformofBreathMeditationTherepetitionofldquoMy___________isarerelaxedrdquoisnothingotherthantheactivepracticeofResolve(seethefollowingexercise)
Be prepared to hear the mind voicing statements such as ldquoI canrsquot relaxbecause Ihave to rememberwhatpart isnextrdquoTo remedy thismemorize thepartsbeforepracticingandyoucanavoidthisinterruptionThistechniquehelpswithmanyofthesymptomsofgriefincludingphysicalpainItgivesthebodyanopportunity to take a rest from the depleting hyperactive symptoms of theemotionalstressandreplenishitselfRelaxingthebodyalsohelpsthemindcalmdownandreducetheconstantmentalchatterallowingyoutofocusonplantingtheseedsofyournewlifethroughResolve
DissolvingOldPatternsandReprogrammingtheMindwithIntention
Yoga acknowledges the principle of pronoia a neologism coined by modernphilosophersexpressinganoldtruthItstatesthattheUniverseisconspiringinour highest good This is the polar opposite of paranoia which in essenceinvolvesthebeliefthattheUniverseisconspiringagainstus
Formostofhumanity thelatterconceptprevailsasanaccuratedescriptionof a world that is not at all supportive and comes after us loaded withjeopardizingintentionsYogarecognizesthisasfalseandmakesitclearthatthewholeprocessstartswithanideainourmindYogastatesldquoWecreatethemoldandthentheUniverseisinchargeoffillingituprdquo
Resolve(Sankalpa)
ThetranslationofthewordsankalpaisldquoresolverdquoorldquoresolutionrdquoItreferstotheapplicationofwillpowerthroughaconsciousdecision-makingprocessIttakestheformofashortmentalstatementwhichisimprintedbyrepetitiononthesubconsciousmindSankalpainfluencesthewaythingsaretohappenwithdeterminationandintention
Thestatementrepresentsamoldthatoncecreatedallowsfor theprovidentialpowersoftheUniversetohelpmanifestationoccurRememberyouaretheonlyoneactuallycapableofmakingyourownmoldThewordsankalpareferstoboththenameofthetechniqueaswellasthecontentofthestatementitself
1 Thinkoftheperfectwayinwhichyouwantanintentiontomanifestandthenstateitinasuccinctphrasethat
isexpressedinpresenttense
avoidsusingthewordldquonordquoortermsthatexpressnegativeconceptsForexampleldquoIwillnotbesinglerdquoshouldbereplacedwithldquoIammarriedrdquo
2 SitcomfortablywithyourhandsonyourkneesBreathenormallyacknowledginganyoutsidethoughtthatarisesandletitgoInhalethenontheexhalesayyourstatementtoyourselfbeingfullypresentwitheachindividualwordofthestatement(Youmaypauseaftereachword)
3 TakeadeepbreathandmovetothenextrepetitionWithyoureyesclosedcontinuerepeatingyourstatementThenbreatheinandoutoncewithoutrepeatingthestatementWhendoneopenyoureyes
Suggestednumberofrepetitions3times
TheconceptthistechniquereferstoisinthecoreoftheoldsayingldquoAskandyeshallbegivenrdquotowhichIrsquodliketoaddldquoifitisintheorderofthingsrdquoWhy
ManypeopleaskforthingsthatarenotwithintheUniversalorderandthenblamethesystemratherthanacknowledgingthattheirignoranceoftheorderistherealreasonthingsdidnotmanifestByldquotheorderrdquoImeanthesystematicandpreciseway inwhich thingswork in theUniverseand that is reflected insuchtruthsasldquoNothing ispermanentrdquoAll thingsend regardlessofwhetherwearethinking of a vase a day or a thought Without this acknowledgment whenasking for something to remain themechanism sparked by sankalpa will notworkandtheUniversewillnotsupportourpetitionIfIrsquomfifty-fourIcanaskforldquoyouthfulfiftiesrdquobutIcanrsquotasktobefifteenagainmdashitsimplywonrsquothappen
Byclearlyidentifyingwhattoaskforandhowtophraseitweengageinasimplewayofjump-startingtheprocessofmanifestationEventhoughmostofushavewantsitissurprisinglyhardforpeopletoactuallyexpresstheirwishesinanexactwayInmyyearsofusingResolveIhavehadtoworkdiligentlytohelp individuals identifywhat theywantbyspendinghourssorting throughallkindsofmisunderstandingsoldprogrammingandstalebeliefs
Prior to identifyingwhat wewant we usually namewhat we donrsquot wantwhat we fear why we should not want it and so forth This means that ourmindsareabsolutelyfullofalltheseotherconsiderationsandinthemeantimetheUniverseisbusyfillingupthecorrespondingmoldsasitcompetentlydoes
Thisiswhywemanifestwhatwefearandthisisalsohowwemanifestwhatwe donrsquotwantAs youmight know ldquoYou can never get enough ofwhat youreallydonrsquotwantrdquoIfyourmentalprogrammingmdashandcreatedmoldmdashisldquoIrsquomnotgoingtoget that jobrdquoorldquoIrsquodlovetoget that jobbut therearesomanyotherswho are better preparedrdquo then the Universe will accommodate you with anopportunity of losing that job It might seem like an extremely minusculesemanticdeviationbuttheconsequencesresultingfromsuchmisunderstandingsare also extremely clear (See the sidebar that follows ldquoAiding the PracticeThroughJournalingrdquoforaneffectiveapproachtonamingwhatwewant)
TosayldquoIamnotunhappyrdquoisverydifferentfromsayingldquoIamhappyrdquoandbelieveme theUniverse is listeningpreciselyTounderstandwhyprecision isimportantletmesharewithyouanoldstoryfromIndia
AidingthePracticeThroughJournaling
As a simple exercise think about what you want and write yourstatementdescribingitthencontinuetowritedowneachmodificationof the statement as you develop it Make no judgments write no
ldquoshouldsrdquomdashjust write what comes up You will probably see apathway amental roadmap that you have been following thatwillrevealyourmisconceptionsKeepinmindthatwhenyouarriveattheldquorightrdquo statement a subtle ldquoeye-smilerdquo appears a slightwidening ofyour forehead accompanied by a sense of ldquoEurekaThis is itrdquoThatfeelingisclearlyidentifiablenoquestionsaskednodoubtsaboutitmdashit is resonating inside of you as accurate Until that ahamoment ofrecognitionkeepworkingonyourauthenticexpressionyourpersonalResolve Know that you are actually working on your innermostwishesandthatyouareultimatelydeterminingyourfuture
After you have come up with your statement and you arepracticingrepeatingitIsuggestyoualsojournaltheinternalresponsesandconsiderationsyourmindcomesupwithItisnormaltolistentotheinternalvoicechallengingyourstatementswithphrasesthatdenotethe adverse reality the one you are trying to modify Since themanifestation process is happening regardless if the statement is ldquoIhaveapartnerrdquo and themindcomesupwith ldquoYouare lyingnoonewouldloveyourdquotheideamoldreadytobefilledupisthelatterYoumaydiscoverthatwhatrsquoswrittenactuallyrevealsyourpresentmentalprogrammingthatyouarereallynotworthloving
Byattendingtoyourbodycalmingyourmindandexploring thenatureofyourdesiresonadeeperlevelyouarenowtrulyreadytogowithin to practiceBreathMeditation and leave everything up to theUniverse
AcouplebothagesixtyandstillmarriedafterfortyyearsfindagenielampWhentheyrubitthegenieappearsandcomestolifeThegeniespeaksldquoLadyyourwishesshallbegrantedWhatwouldyoulikerdquo
ldquoIwantenoughmoneytogoaroundtheworldtwicewithmyhusbandrdquothewoman responds In an instant the geniemanifests a briefcase full of enoughmoneyforthebothofthemtogoaroundtheworldtwice
ThegeniethenturnstothegentlemanandsaysldquoSiryourwishestooshallbegrantedWhatwouldyoulikerdquo
ldquoIrsquod like to have a wife thirty years younger than merdquo replies theopportunistThegeniethenrespondsbyturningthemanintoaninety-year-old
Thelessonofthisstoryistobeveryclearandprecisewhenaskingforwhatyou want otherwise you may end up getting what you really donrsquot want
Resolve is the mechanism that kick-starts the process of manifestationThoughtfully identifying and defining an idea can and will act as a guidingprinciple a lighthouse in the darkness of your emotional storm Then youractionsthoughtsandspeechcanaimintheproperdirectionandstartbringingtofruitionwhatuntilnowhaslivedonlywithintherealmofyourwishes
OpeningtoSpiritThismeditationtechniquecanbeseenasthesimplestofallbreathingexercisesthebasisofallourworkBesidesthespiritualbenefitsandeffectsstayingwithyourownbreathisapowerfulwayofbeingpresentandindeepconnectionwithyourlifenotdrawninbythepastorcontemplatingthefuture
BreathMeditation
1 Sitinacomfortablepositionwiththespinestraightandthehandsrestingonyourkneeswiththepalmsfacingupward
2 Staystill
3 BringawarenesstoyourbreathFeeltheairgoinginandoutsoftlythroughyournostrils
4 Remainpresentforeachinhalationandeachexhalation
5 AstheminddriftsoffbringitbacktoyourbreathAsifyouareplacingpaperboatsonastreamofwaterplacethedistractingthoughtsintheoutgoingstreamoftheexhalation
6 Remainconcentratedonyourbreathandonlyonyourbreathexhalingeachdistractingthought
Suggestedtime5to10minutes
AlthoughitisanextremelysimpletechniquetheexecutioncanprovetobequitedifficultYourabilitytoremainconcentratedonthebreathispermanentlychallengedbyyourveryactivebodyandunstoppablemindYoucanstartfullofintentionandfindyourselfoutonalimbafteronlyafewbreathcycles
Fortunatelyyourbreathisconstantandyourneedtotakethenextin-breathisunavoidablesobringingthemindbacktothebreathisrelativelysimpleKeepcomingbacktothebreathwithtimeyoursquollseethatyourdeparturesarescarcerandthatasyoustaywithyourbreathacertainsenseofcalmnessandfulfillmentappears
You are now developing the skill to stay present with yourself to keepyourself company and bring ease when feeling abandoned Irsquove stated beforethat when grieving you should focus first on the Spirit because the body is
profoundlyengagedin its reactionandthemindisshatteredandscatteredForthis reason meditation and its ability to help you connect with your Spiritbecome a key element of the practice Thoughmeditation can be challengingwhenyouareexperiencingacutegriefitisanactivitythatwillgentlyleadyoutothesourceofknowledgeyouintendtotapinto
Now that you have read how to perform each practice and understandgenerallyhowthetechniquesservetoallaysomeofthesymptomsofgriefyouprobablywant to get started and figure out how to incorporate these practicesinto your life There are some important questions to ponder as you start tointegratesomeoftheseexercisesintoapersonalpractice
The next chapter considers what exercises you should include howmuchtime you should spend practicingwhether you should practice by yourself orseek help how long you should practice and other practical detailsWhetheryouareanexperiencedyogapractitionerorjuststartingoutwhetheryouhavejust begun to cope with some of your grief symptoms or at the end of theprocess the next chapter will help you to integrate the techniques into yourpersonalpractice
Chapter5
DesigningtheLogisticalAspectsofYourPractice
There is a famous quote usually attributed to the great German philosopherJohannWolfgangvonGoethe(1749ndash1832)
ldquoUntil one is committed there is hesitancy the chance to draw backConcerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementarytruth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plansthatthemomentonedefinitelycommitsoneselfthenProvidencemovestooAllsortsofthingsoccurtohelponethatwouldneverotherwisehaveoccurredAwhole streamofevents issues from thedecision raising inonersquosfavorallmannerofunforeseenincidentsandmeetingsandmaterialassistancewhichnomancouldhavedreamedwouldhavecomehiswayWhatever you cando or dreamyou cando begin it Boldness hasgeniuspowerandmagicinitrdquo(emphasisadded)
What a beautiful way of presenting the universal principle of pronoia Itexplains the mechanism of manifestation and emphasizes a key aspect tocommit towhatwewantThe resultingactionsactuallyhelp thebrain reshapeitselfthisisneuroplasticityatitsbestThroughthefruitsofourcommitmentwecanestablishnewneuronalconnectionsthatwill leadusnottowherewethinkweshouldbeorwherewedonrsquotdesiretobebutwherewetrulywanttobe
As you now ponder how to implement the techniques I shared in theprevious chapter and embark on your personal practice I ldquore-mindrdquo you thatyourcommitmentisessentialByacceptingyourlimitationsandneedsyouareactually making your commitment feasible Be realistic commit to what youcananddoit
SettingtheIntentionTherearetwophilosophicalconceptsfoundinTheYogaSutrasofPatanjalithatcanbetranslatedasldquopracticerdquoThefirstoneabhyasareferstoamoregeneral
all-encompassing method of practice that involves lifestyle choices thoughtsspeech and actions Abhyasa brings us greater tranquility or peace of mindSadhana thesecondconceptcanalsobedefinedaspracticebut itpertainstothe actual techniques or exercises that are performed on a regular basis toachieve an overall enhancement ofwell-being Taken together these conceptscanhelpusunderstandwhatitmeanstotrulypracticeyoga
As you begin to apply the traditionalmovements breathing exercises andcleansingtechniquessettingasideanhourahalfhourorwhatevertimeyoucandedicatetoestablishingaregularpracticeyoumayrealizethateachbreathcanbe an opportunity for transformation My hope is that as you integrate thesetechniquesintoyourdailylifeyourlifeitselfbecomesthepractice
ShouldYouPracticeAloneorUnderGuidanceJustasyouareasolitarybeinginthemidstofacrowdedcitystreetpracticeispersonalregardlessofhowmanymorearepracticingwithyouInancienttimespracticing yoga based on a book like the one you are reading without livecontactwithateachermasterorguruwasunthinkableEventhoughyogawascommonlypasseddownwithinthecontextofthefamilyfromonegenerationtothe next there is an essential trinity thought to lead to a successful spiritualjourney It includes the individual (you)GodorSpirit and thegurumdashtheonewholeadsthewayafterhavingwalkedithimselfmanytimesbefore
IntodayrsquosworldpeoplemaypracticethroughtheguidanceofabookorbyfollowinginstructionsprovidedonaDVDorahow-tovideoontheInternetItisan essential principle inyoga therapy that the interactionwith a therapistwhocanmonitorthestudentrsquospracticeisanimportantaspectaddingstrengthtothetechniquesandensuringsafetyfortheYogapractitioner
Grief is so powerful that in working with the dynamics activated by theYoga techniques itwould be advisable to seek out a qualified professional atfirst By ldquoqualifiedrdquo I mean either a yoga therapist well versed in griefcounselingoragriefcounseloror therapistknowledgeableaboutyogaand itsuseinthetherapeuticprocessBecauseyogahasbeenembracedbyanumberofprofessionals in recent years other therapists such as social workers hospicenurseschaplainsandotherswhoworkwithgrief-related issuescanbe trustedsources for guiding you through this work Even a financial adviser whounderstandsaboutthephysicalsymptomsofgriefandhowtoaddressthemcanmean the difference between wealth and poverty when for example dealingwithfinancesafteradivorceSuchatherapistmdashwhileencouragingastudentto
practiceathomeencounteringtheldquoteacherwithinrdquomdashwouldalsohelphimorhernavigatethedifficultemotionsencounteredinthegrievingprocess
Yoga practice can be a very subjective experience often having differentresults indifferentsettingsShouldyoudecidetodothepracticeonyourownwithoutprofessionalguidanceremembertobesensitiveandrespectfulofyourneedsandabilitiesMonitor theeffectsof the techniques soyoucanuse themappropriately when needed Tune into the results charting them as a validindicatorofthedevelopmentofyourprocess
IsItBettertoPracticeIndividuallyorinaGroupWhile all yoga is therapeutic yoga therapy thrives on personal individualizedpracticeespeciallyat thebeginningstagesof the therapeuticprocessWorkingwith a qualified therapist familiar with integrating yoga as part of his or hertoolbox is wholeheartedly advised Either in a group setting provided such agroupisavailableinyourcommunityorprivatelychoosewhicheverbettersuitsyourneeds
Workingindividuallyprovidesfocusedattentiontotreatmentoffersinputonadapting your practice to meet specific needs and avoids interference fromothersinaclassOntheotherhandpracticinginagroupallowsyoutowitnessotherbereavedindividualsgrieveinwaysthatmaybebothprofoundlydifferentandstrikinglysimilartoyoursCombatingthetendencytoisolatethisaspectofsocialization can help normalize your relationship to your own grief whileofferingasupportnetwork
InmyYoga forGrief Relief groups all three aspects commonly found intraditional grief support groups are included education support and socialnetworking Education serves the purpose of normalizing grief by sharinggeneralinformationregardingthegrievingprocessWealsolookathowgriefisaddressed in different cultures and time periods Support is establishedwithinthe environment the group provides It encourages authentic communicationregardingourgriefandserves tomodelhealthy interactions tobereplicated inthe outside world The social networking aspect encourages positive personalinteractions that increasewell-being for those of us listening aswell as thosesharingWhenoneisfeelingdepletedandwithoutmuchtogivelendinganeartothoseexpressingtheirgriefcanbeanempoweringexperience
IsItSafetoDoThisPracticebyYourself
MostofthetechniquescanbepracticedsafelyonyourownprovidedyoureadthesectionsdedicatedtocontraindicationsPleaseidentifyanypresentconditionthat may require caution when you practice the exercises This makes atremendousdifferencebetweenan exercisebenefitingyouorbeingharmful toyou
ThatsaidtheWindmillistheoneexerciseforwhichdiscretionmustbeusedwhen practicing alone TheWindmill is a key technique of the program andalthough the slow version is safe for most individuals the semifast and fastversions of the Windmill quickly access deeply held emotions and buriedphysical feelings I suggest that a competent professional trained in thisworkshould monitor both the practice itself as well as the outcomes If you areworkingwithayoga-savvycounselor thenyour therapyprovidesanoutlet forsharing your experience after practicing at home The Windmill is the mostactiveexerciseandtheonebestabletobringstrongfeelingstothesurfaceTheemotionselicitedduringthegrievingprocessare therawmaterialsyouusefortransformation
Someofyoumighthaveanexistingpersonalyogapracticeandwanttoaddsome of my recommended techniques to your routine Although this cancertainlybeeffectivekeepinmindthatthetruestbenefitsofthisprogramoccurwhenpracticedsequentiallyinitsentiretyByexperiencingtheroutinefullyyoucantheneffectivelyassesswhattoaddtoyourpracticeandwhyIfyouchoosetoembarkonasolopractice thenyouneed toconsidersomeof thefollowingimportantlogisticaldetails
WhichExercisesAreBestforMeWhethertoperformtheentirepracticeorpartsofitdependsonwhatyouwouldlike to accomplish howmuch time you have and howmuch knowledge youpossess of yoga and of yourself The entire practice can be accomplished inninety minutes and is inherently balanced covering issues that most grievingindividualsneed
CompleteBreathingpreparesyourmindandbodyfor themagnitudeof thegrievingprocesstheEnergyFlowSeriescreatestheconditionsforhealinganddrawsyourawarenesswithintheWindmillbringsfeelingsandsensationstothesurface sparking the process of transforming your grief into a source of self-knowledge Attitude of Discharging offers an outlet for the raw availableemotions Concentrated Gazing promotes mental focus to restore the normalcircadian rhythms while Alternate-Nostril Breathing offers breath control to
effectivelybringbalanceandcalmtoyourmindTheSelf-RelaxationTechniquehelps decrease the stressful effects of grief allowing optimal conditions forreprogramming your mind through Resolve which uses the newly acquiredknowledgetobegintoconstructanewidentityFinallyyouarereadytositstillinmeditationtodeepentheconnectionwithyourSpirit
Practicing the entire sequence offers you the exponential effect of thecombinedbenefitsofthetechniquesYetyoumaybebetteroffpracticingonlycertainpartsasyoubegintofamiliarizeyourselfwiththeworkMakesureyoucheckwithyourphysicianbeforeengaginginpracticekeepinmindthatyogatherapyisnotasubstituteformedicalattention
Becomingfamiliarwitheachtechniqueanditseffectsonyougivesyoutheconfidence to choose which one works for what is troubling you Again Ireiterateyourmindisbestaddressedthroughbreathworkyourbodyishelpedmost by physical postures and your Spirit thrives with meditation YogatechniquesinfluenceallthreeaspectsofyourbeingYoucanchoosefromeachrealm and come up with a combination that best suits your personal journeyTrustyourinstinctandinnerwisdomtoguideyou
WhereShouldIPracticeWhile it is true thatyogaisbestpracticedinacleanandcalmenvironmentatleast twohoursafteryour lastmealwearingcomfortableclothes far from thechaosoftheworldforatleastninetyminutestheseperfectconditionsarerarelymetThemaincriteria forunderstandinghow toengage in thepractice shouldalways be ldquotomeet yourself exactlywhere you arerdquoYou can then figure outwhichexercisestopracticewheretosituateyourselfwhentopracticeandhowmuchtimeyoucansetasidetopractice
Ifyoudonrsquothavea roomdedicated forpractice thenmovesomefurniturearound tocreatea suitablespaceandbring inanyobjectsor images thathelpyouconnectwithyourintentionThisprocessexemplifieslocatinganewspaceinsideofyourselfSometimeswhenwefeelldquoallovertheplacerdquoinourmindjustcleaning and reorganizing our house starts to positively affect our emotionalintegrationOrderingourimmediatesurroundingsoftenhelpstocalmdowntheinternaldisarrayCandles incense soothingmusic and low lightmayprovideyou with supportive harmonizing associations to make your practice moremeaningful
BeflexibleregardingwhereyoupracticeallowingforvariationsaccordingtoyourlifersquoscircumstancesForexampleifyouareinterviewingforajobthat
couldeasepressingeconomicneedsthenpracticesomecalmingbreathworkinthewaitingroomIfyoufindyourselfstrugglingwithroadragepulloverstopthecarandpracticeLeft-NostrilBreathingThengetbackontheroadwhenyouarecalmandhavelostsightofthatannoyingtailgatermdashyoudonrsquotwanttolosecontrolandcauseyourselfmoregrief
SometimesitisgoodtoenhanceyourpracticebybeingoutdoorsconnectingwithnatureandbringinginasenseofexpansionConverselyifdoingthisseemstoo vulnerably open and distracting and lacks the intimacy you need thenpracticewhereyoucanmoreeasilyaccomplishtheresultsyouareafter
WhenShouldIPracticeStarting thedaywith an extendedpractice deliciouslydedicated tooneself isnotaluxuryweallhaveFeelfreetodowhatyoucaninthemorningthenaddorrepeatsomethinginthemiddleofthedayandthenpracticebeforegoingtobed
TheEnergyFlowSeriesisagreatwaytobothstartandendthedayInthemorning it feels energizing and at night calming preparing you for a goodnightrsquos sleep TheWindmill practicewill elevate the general tone of your lifeforceenergyinthemorningTheAttitudeofDischargingexercisewillhelpyoudischargesomeof theextra tensionaccumulatedduring theday ifdone in thelateafternoonAlternate-NostrilBreathingisagreatmiddaypracticethatbringsbalance to your wildly fluctuating emotions Concentrated Gazing worksefficientlytoputyoutosleepatnightand ifusedinthemorning itresetstheendocrine systemdecreasingmoodswings (Thismaybeespecially importantfor women during bereavement to stabilize and reestablish balance in theirendocrine system and counteract the common disturbances grief imposes ontheir normal menstrual cycle) Choosing the right time to practice helps youadjusttoyournewenvironmentmoreskillfullyandhelpstoprepareyouforthemultitudeofchangesandnewconditionsinyourlifeFromyourfirstin-breathwhen you are born to your last out-breath at the moment of death the timeelapsedisallyoursThedecisionsyoumakeregardinghowtospendthat timeare also yours Use your practice time wisely so it reflects your sense ofownershipofyourtimeandyourrespectforit
ForHowLongShouldIPracticeFinallyintermsofhowlongtopracticeeachtechniqueorhowlongyouroverall
practice should be letme just say this something is better than nothingOursystemsreacttoallwedoandallwethinksodowhatyoucanItistruethatforbestresultsAlternate-NostrilBreathingshouldbepracticedfornolessthanfiveminutes yet a minute alone would also do some work A minimum of threerepetitionsisbetterwhenpracticingtheEnergyFlowSeriesbutonerepetitionalsohasbenefitsWhatisoptimalistousewhatevertimeyoumighthavejustkeepinmindthatthemoreyoupracticethedeepertheeffectswillbe
AnexceptionshouldbemadewithSingle-NostrilBreathingPracticing formore thanfiveminutescanrenderstrongereffects thanyoumaydesireWhenpracticing Left-Nostril Breathing for example you want to feel calmer notdepletedItisokaytopracticeformorethanfiveminutesifneededjustmakesureyoubreakitdownwithaminuteortwoofAlternate-NostrilBreathing
Thesadhanapracticemdashinitsentiretyandfollowingtheguidelinesproposedfor each technique in chapter 4mdashshould take approximately ninety minutesPleaserememberthataccordingtothevariationsandmodificationsyouneedtomakeyourpracticetimewillvarySupplementarytechniquessuchasjournalingandothersofferedinchapter6willalsoalteryourpersonalpracticetime
BecomingfamiliarwiththetechniqueswillallowyoutoknowmoreeasilywhattocalluponandwhenWithregularpracticetheeffectsofthetechniqueswillcomealiveinyouandwillevenhelpyouchoosewhattopracticeandwhenBe sensitive to the daily fluctuations in your actual ability to engage in thetechniquesIfyouspentahalfhourdoingpawanmuktasanayesterdayandyourmusclesaresoretodayreducethetimeandintensityoftheexercisetowhatyoucantolerate
YourPracticeChangesasYouDoPleasebeopentothefactthatyouareundergoingconstantchangeandthereforeyour practice must shift as well to reflect your new needs and abilities Thegrieving process and the tasks ofmourning are not linear your grief changesyourpracticeandyourpracticechangesyourgriefThere iswisdom in lettingyour practice reflect your state of being and adapting it accordingly Thewayyou practice is theway you livewhat you practice now shapes your lifeBemindful of addressing your practicewith the same grace and dignity that youwantforyourself
Perhapsitisaccuratetosaythatyoudidnotsignupforbeingwhereyouarenow andyet hereyouarePractice jump-starts theprocessof transformationSeeyourselffunctioningasthebestoperatorofthesetoolsbyaskingwhatyou
want toaccomplish listening toyourvoicehearingyourbodyrsquosexpressionofits innate wisdom and sensing what you need to do for yourself todaymdashdosomethingtocommittowhatyouwant
Chapter6
TheProcessofTransformation
LynPrashant the founderof IntegrativeGriefTherapy states thatldquowedonrsquotgetoverourlosseswechangerelationshiptothemrdquoAndsheaddsthatldquogriefisour most available untapped emotional resource for personal transformationrdquo(2005)Iwholeheartedlyagreewithher
WhilehonoringourpersonallossesandmourningtherelationshipthatoncewasthetransformationthatwearetalkingaboutinessenceisourownAswebegin to witness the appearance of our new self we slowly recognize thecumulativeeffectsofourdeeptransformativeworkWearenowactuallylookingatourselvesandtheworldaroundusfromanewperspective
This book demonstrates the inner workings of the grieving process IprovidedthespecifictechniquesforthepracticeofstayingpresentandthereforeavailabletotransformyourgriefandencounteritsstrongemotionsthatfiercelychallengeyouThetoolsarenowatyourfingertipswithfocusedawarenessyoumay methodically turn some of the seminal questions yoursquove been askingyourselfintoconcreteactions
ThroughdealingwiththesufferingthatisinherentduringthegriefjourneywehaveanopportunitytouncoverourowntruenatureGriefworkisultimatelyaboutchallengingyourassumptionsaboutlifeldquoWhoamIwithoutherWheredoIgoafterlosingmyhomeWhoamInowthatIrsquovebeenfiredfrommyjobWhatdoesitmeanthatIrsquomstillherenowandheisgonerdquo
In themidst of sorrow the blossoming of a new identitymaymeanmanydifferentthingstoyouOnceyouarenolongergrippedbytheoldattachmentsyoubecome free to explore thedeepestpartsofyourselfAsyouaskyourselfwhatyoudoanddonotneedgriefbecomestheuncannygatewaytohelpgainthetrueknowledgeofself
FindingaNewIdentityAfterLossIdentityconsistsmainlyofourperceptionsofourselvesbasedonthepeopleandthingsweareattachedtoWhenwelosethemwelosepartofwhoweareAndyetlifecontinuesRememberthefeelingsuponwakingupintheimmediatedaysandweeks following a profoundly huge loss The bodymoving in a robotic
way fighting against the lethargy of a tiredmind eyes barely open two feetwalkingtothebathroomoutofnecessity
ThinkofthebodythemastersurvivormaintaininglifewiththeaudacitytocontinuedoingwhatitdoesDespiteourdespairdespiteourdoubtstheamazingintelligence of our body is a powerful testament to the continuation of ourexistence
Imagineakitchenwhereyoursquovecookedforthepasttwentyyearsonewithno ventilation just tiny windows and a stove with slow inefficient electricburners One day the kitchen burns to the ground Because you are hungrybecauseyourbodyneeds fuelyouneed tocontinuecookingPerhapsyoucanimproviseandcookmealstemporarilyinthelivingroomormanageforawhileonanoutdoorgrillbuttheneedforanindoorkitchenispainfullyapparentsoyoumustrebuildit
IsthenewkitchengoingtohaveventilationornotBigorsmallwindowsSlowelectricburnersorquickandefficientgasburnersInordertodefinethesedetailsyouneedtoquestionyourrealneedsanddesireslikesanddislikes
After all you have cooked in that kitchen for years and are familiar withevery detail every nook and cranny The memories of that kitchen may beoverwhelmingly powerful to you but now it is time to start imagining a newmoremodernversionthatwillserveyournewneeds
Needsshift frombasic survival instincts to thoseofa fullermorespiritualvisionofourlifeInterestinglymanyofuswillgravitatetothefamiliardesignoftheoldkitchenButgiventimeforreflectionnewideasandimageswillstarttoemerge thathelpuscomecloser towhowereallyareandwhowewant tobecome
ManyofusidentifywhowearethroughourhomesSometimesthehomeisthought of as an extension of our physical bodies something important toconsider when working with grief Identity is formed through what the bodylearnsfromitsenvironmentThefollowingtwoexamplesillustratethat
Sinceathree-year-oldcannotbuyacarrentahomeorfindajobthechildmustrelyentirelyonanadultcaregiver In thiscase thefatherconstantlyputsdownthethree-year-oldwhenheperformswellButcomplyingwithhisfatherrsquosexpectations can be the difference between life and death Consequently thechildlearnseithertobecomeanunderachieverortohidehisachievementssoasnottoupsethisfather
The survival mechanism that informs the mind is deeply rooted in thewisdomof the bodymaintaining life at all costs Putting our fingers in a live
electricsocketoncegivesthebodyenoughinformationtoavoidgettingshockedagain The body has excellent cellular memory and keeps that survivalmechanism alive Even years later while fixing a malfunctioning socket andknowingthepowerisoffyourbodystillalertsyouinternallywithcautionsignswarningofdanger
When defining ourselves after loss it is very common to repeat oldmechanisms perform the same learned behaviors and chant the same innermonologuebecausethatishowwelearnedtosurviveRepeatingthesebehaviorsgrants us renewed suffering simply because our actions are antiquated and nolongermatchourpresentreality
Wemust revisit the situationwith new eyes identifying our present needsandusingournewlyacquiredskillsmdashtheoneslackingduringtheearlyformativeyears Although old habits are difficult to change respecting their power canactually be life affirmingWecan see them in action and recognize themas asign of the amazing intelligence of our bodiesWitnessing our broken heartrsquosstruggletocopewiththepainoflossandmanagetheaccompanyingsymptomsofconfusionanddisorganizedthinkingisquiteremarkable
Isnrsquot it a superbly opportune time to reimagine a new designwhenwe nolongerhavetheoldkitchenandyetourneedforthefoodthatrsquoscookedinitisasrealasthefirethatconsumeditThisistheopportunityhiddeninthegriefweexperienceThisisthetransformativejourneyIrsquomtalkingabouttheprocessthatcan take us from the void of devastation after loss to the fullness of aconsciouslylivedlife
HowCantheTransformationBeAccomplishedMy opinion is that the journey of discovery is threefold Addressing thesymptoms of our grief constitutes the first step The second involves fullytransitingthegrievingprocessandachievinghealthyresolutionwithitThethirdentails reidentification based on our most intimate spiritual self Having beenstrippedofourpreviousidentitylayingbaretherealcoreofwhowearewearenowinvitedtoapproachthedeepestpartsofourselves
These three portions of the process of transformation are linked but notlinear simultaneously our awareness can shift aswe sense some relief of ourimmediatesymptomsItisimportanttorememberingriefworkthatanyspecificactions taken towardaccomplishing resolutioncanbe repeatedand revisitedatanypointwithrenewedmeaning
The information you need comes as a result of your work and efforts tounderstandandrelatetotheexperienceathandThisprocessinvolvesobservingyour motivations behaviors and feelings This book and the techniquesproposedaredesignedtosupportyouintheprocessoftransformingyourgriefofferingpracticeasthefoundationfortheworkUsingthetoolsyoulearnedinchapter4youcanreapthebenefitsyouareafterNowletrsquostakealookathoweachpartoftheprocessoftransformationworks
TheFirstPartAddressingtheSymptoms
HowdoesaddressingyoursymptomshelptransformgriefImagineyourselfperchedon a rolling hillwaiting to take in a beautiful sunsetwith somedearfriendswhenallofasuddenyouareafflictedwithaterribletoothacheEvenifyou are surroundedby love and support in the presentmoment all you reallywantistostopthepainyouneedadentist
Itisquiteremarkablehowenticedbythepresumptionofthepermanenceofthebodyrsquosvigorandendurancewetakeourownhealthforgranted
Abalancedbodyenhancesyourability to transformgriefWhen the rug ispulledout fromunderneathyoushakingyour foundationand threateningyourstability you can enter into a conversation with the body that will ultimatelyformthebasisofyournewidentityToregainpresencefortheprocessyoumustaddressthedifferentsymptomsparticularlythephysicalones
TheexercisescontainedintheprogramcanhelptakecareofthefirstpartoftheprocessbybringingthesymptomstoalevelofrelativecontrolBypracticingbreathworkyoubecomemorepresentandawareandcanhelp reestablish thenormalrhythmsofthebodyfindingwaysofcontrollingyourmentalstatesandultimatelyyournewreality
PracticingtheEnergyFlowSeriesassuresthepropercirculationoflifeforceavoidingblockagesandfacilitatingfreemovementofconsciousnesswithinbodyandmindThedifferentasanashelpgetridofthetoxicchemicalbyproductsofpain and activate parts of the body where emotional issues tend to promotetensionandstiffnessThespecificactionsperformedintheWindmillbringyourfeelingsto thesurfaceofyourawarenessallowingyoutowitnessandidentifythem and ultimately to better understand how grief manifests in the bodyAttitudeofDischargingofferstheincreasedchargeoffeelingsandsensationsofgriefawayoutConcentratedGazingpromotesbalanceandbettersleep
TheSelf-RelaxationTechniquehelpscombatthestressfuleffectsofgriefanddiminishesgeneraltensioninthebodyguidingyouhometoyournormalsleepcycle Resolve resets the mind so the body can manifest your deepest innerwisheswhileBreathMeditationoffersthecalmstillnessofbodyandmindthatallowstheSpirittoemergemoreclearly
AllpartsoftheYogaforGriefReliefsadhanapreparethebodyandthemindfortheunderstandingofSpiritwhichasIrsquovestatedbeforeisthetruesourceforthefacilitationofgrief
TheSecondPartFacilitatingGrief
Facilitating grief implies making the experience of bereavement moremanageable by following a roadmap such as the one proposed by JWilliamWordeninhisFourTasksofMourning(2009)Employingtheprinciplesofyogacan assist in accomplishing those Letrsquos take a look at some additionalguidelines
Give yourself permission to grieve Some people have a hard timeaccepting thatgrieving isappropriateThereasonsfor these thoughtsareoftenpreconceived ideas about what to expose to others or how much time isacceptable to grievePersonal difficulties such as the fear of beingdefinedbygrief the possibility of feelingworse or the chance youmight trigger othersrsquogriefoftenpreventindividualsfromgrieving
If you care for grieving individuals and provide support space andresourcesdoyoudothesameforyourselfWhenflyingonanairplaneyouaredirected to put your oxygen mask on first in case of an emergency beforehelpingothersItismuchthesameinthegrievingprocessmdashifyougiveyourselfthepermissiontogrievefirstyoucanthenhelpothers
ProvideyourselfwiththetimeyouneedtogrieveInthecorporateworldemployeesaretypicallygivena72-hourldquowindowrdquoinwhichtogrieveAlthoughthereisnoofficialtimesettocompleteourgrievingprocessourmindstendtodictatethatafteroneyearhaselapsedldquoIshouldbedonewithmygriefrdquoSocietalexpectations coupledwith thepressureweputonourselves to resumenormalliving promote the belief that things will be much better in a yearUnfortunately this unrealistic expectation is not only misleading it is alsocounterproductivetomaintainingasenseofhope
ForsomeofusthesecondyearofgriefisevenmoredifficultthanthefirstI
encourage tolerance in allowing the time needed for working well with thecomplex grief experience That permission alone is very important In thenormalcourseofbereavement as timegoesonourgrief frequentlyexpressesitselfasaSuddenTemporaryUpsurgeofGrief(STUGRando1993)sometimesrelatedtoandprovokedbycurrentlifesituationsothertimesshowingupoutoftheblueSTUGscanprovideuswithareflectionofwhereweareinrelationtoourowngriefHowfastweovercomeithowdeepourfeelingsarefeltandhowmuchourbodiesareinvolvedareallindicativeoftheskillswehavedevelopedofthenewpiecesofinformationwehaveunveiledaboutourselves
It is necessary to mention that a prolonged time of coping with thedisruptions of bereavement may be a marker for complicated grief thusrequiring specific interventions All factors need to be taken into account toproperlyassesshowandwhereweareintheverypersonaljourneyofgrief
PracticeactivelisteningwithyourselfHaveyoueverhad theexperienceofsomeonerepeatingbacktoyouwhattheyheardyousayWereyouwide-eyedto hear themessage repeated backDid it sound like your thinkingDid youwonderldquoDidIreallysaythatrdquoThiscommonoccurrencehappensinregularlifeas well as in therapeutic settings A technique called ldquoactive listeningrdquoconsisting of literally repeating a clientrsquos disclosure back to him or her isfrequentlyusedtohelpclientsreflectonthewaystheynametheirownreality
Consciouslyjournalingourthoughtsandexperiencesafteryogapracticeisagood way to allow the process of externalizing whatever comes to mindmdashunobstructed and uncensoredLook at your journal and repeat ldquoWhat I heardmyselfsayingthinkingfeelingishelliprdquoYourrealityislivedanddeterminedbyyouin thewayyou talkabout itandname itHowyoudosodetermineshowyoulive
Resolve is a powerful tool for kick-starting the process of correctingunconscious habits and old behaviors Another creative exercise uses freeassociationtoacquaintyouwithyourtrueselfbyrecordinganaudioversionoffeelingsemotionsandimpressionsListentotherecordingandwriteldquoWhatIheard myself saying ishelliprdquo Just hearing your own voice a more familiarexpression of your inner dialogue offering insights can evokemore powerfulresults
Accept differences in the way you grieve Trying to emulate a familialsocietalorculturalmoldmdashinotherwordsforcingyourselfintoapreconceivedformmdashmaynot serveyoubestGrief isan intimateaffair revealing thedeeperself absolutely unique to each particular individualYourway of grieving the
wayyou love the things you lovemdashthey all speak towhoyou are Find yourway honor it and do it your waymdasheven if it is very different from anyexpectationsyoumighthaveorothersmayimposeuponyou
Consider that your grief might change from one moment to another Youchange just as theworld around you changes andmost important the newlyidentified self feeds off of thisWelcome those changes they reflectwhoyoureally are You grieve each loss differently and you can even experience amultitudeofpolarizedsymptomswithonelossChangesinthewayyougrieveexpress modifications in your mind and indicate that things are in factreorganizing
Even if things get more difficult day in and day out since everythingchanges so toowill that Practice itself is an importantmonitor for assessingchange Identifying the different states of feeling and being aided by certainexercises or combinations thereof are part of the self-knowledge that griefunveils What changed What made the change How can I reach that stateagainThesearesomeofthequestionstoaskyourselfwhileviewingthemanyfacesofyourgrievingprocess
You must facilitate moving through your own griefmdashentirely gently andfirmlymdashinyourownuniquewayDrWordenrsquosfourtasksareapragmaticuser-friendlyreferenceguide toevaluate thecourseofyourgrievingprocessand tolocateyourselfwithinthatcontextNextIofferyousomesuggestionsofhowtouse yogarsquos knowledge and some of the techniques included in the sadhana tomakeyourfulfillmentofWordenrsquostasksappearlessdaunting
ACCOMPLISHINGACCEPTANCE
DrWordenrsquos four tasks presented in chapter 1 are clear and direct Findwaystoaccept theemotionalrealityof the loss(first task)process thepainofgrief(secondtask)adapttoanewrealitywithout thepresenceofthedeparted(thirdtask)andrelocatethelostpersonorobjectsoyoucanembarkonanewlife(fourthtask)
Theyogapracticeoutlinedinthisbookcanbeusedtosupportyourworkonthe tasks For instance remaining aware of the breath during CompleteBreathingandwitnessingwithoutjudgmentanyresistanceyouencountercanbeinstrumentalinleadingtoacceptingtherealityoftheloss
Beawareofdistractingbehaviorssuchasgettinglostinachainofthoughtsrushingtothecomputerorgrabbingthephonewhichservetoavoidfeelingthedepth of what is happening Tolerating the discomfort is a skillful way of
meetingtheunpleasantfeelingsoflossJournalingisoneofthemostwidelyusedformsforreflectiveretellingofthe
factsGoingoverthedetailsagainandrecallingtheeventsthathappenedisoneofthemosteffectivemethodsforgainingacceptanceoflossWhenjournalingthe way youwrite about your reality is a reflection of the way you speak toyourselfaboutitWhenyourelatethefactsinyourjournalalsomakesureyouwrite about your feelingsmdashit is of the essence In order to do this you mustidentifyandexperiencethemandtodosoyoumustbepresent
PROCESSINGFEELINGS
InordertoproperlyprocessfeelingswemustfirstremainpresentforthemThisisoftenoneofthemostdifficultaspectsofgrievingbutitisalsooneofthemost importantWhat does itmean to remain present The actual practice ofbeingpresentvaries according towhich feelingyou focusonbecause feelingsassociatedwithgriefvarywidelyandcanbeofdifferentnatures
We often avoid our yoga practice or falter when the techniques elicit astrongerperceptionofthefeelingsResistanceisyetanothersignofthestruggleso identify your options for staying present Transiting your grief successfullyandestablishingwaystomoveoutoftheintensecenteroftheexperiencetoitsquieteredgesistheworkSincetheonlywayoutofthepainofgriefisthroughityoumustenterandexit theprocessskillfullyBecauseof itspassivenaturesadnessmdashthe most common feeling when grievingmdashallows us to actually sitwithitMostfindsadnessunpleasantandresistfeelingitsoweputupdefensestoeludeit
You can work on ldquositting with sadnessrdquo simply by staying seated inmeditation While meditating our minds tend to wander instead of focusingThat is true for our hearts aswellwe tend to flee from sadness toward otherfeelingssuchasanger
AngerisanactivefeelingandsittingwithitcanbeextremelyfrustratingItasksformentalandphysicalaction It isbestprocessedwhenthe targetof theangerisidentifiedandaneffectivemethodofexpressionisfoundAngerismetwithmanysocietaljudgmentsWearetaughtthatitisnotahealthyfeelingandthatitsexpressionmakesothersuncomfortableandonlyyieldsmoreangerItiscrucial to find an outlet for anger that does not conflict with what we haveaccepted as socially appropriate Instead of aggression I suggest consideringassertivenessasaneffectivealternativewayYoucanforcefullypushsomebodyawayfromyourdoorsteporyoucan lookstraight intohiseyespointingyour
finger at him while saying ldquoYou do not walk into my houserdquo Through thepracticeoftheAttitudeofDischargingangercanpurposefullybeexpressedintheintimacyofyourpersonalworkThistechniqueoffersmodesofexpressionfrom the more general involvement of the full body to the particular ldquoaaahrdquosound that promotes vocalizing the active nature of the feeling When notexpressed outwardly anger can turn inward resulting in self-destructivebehaviorssuchasrelapsingwithaddictionsSometimesangercanpresentitselfasanotherfeelingsuchasguilt
Because it isusually linked to irrational thoughtsguiltneeds tobereality-testedinrelationtothefactsAskyourselfifthereissomethingyoucouldhavedonedifferentlyorifanyactionstakencouldhaveindeedavoidedthelossThenyou should be able to recognize whether you did or did not have anyresponsibility for how things happened If you were indeed responsible thenwhat actionsmight help you to resolve the heavy burden of responsibility Iffeelings of guilt still persist what are they actually related toWhat can thelessonlearnedbe
The palette of possible feelings is vast and unique to each individual Allfeelingsarevalidmdashtheyaretheelementsthegrievingheartiscomposedofandneedtobeprocessedsowecangettoknowourselvesbetter
ADJUSTINGTOTHENEWREALITY
Discoveringhowtoadjusttoanewrealityvariesdistinctlyaccordingtothedetailsofour life situationandhowwe interpret themeaningof the lossThemorethelossthreatensourimmediatesurvivalthemoreimportantitbecomestoimplementbehaviorsforadjustment
For someone whose livelihood depended on who or what has been lostfindingwaystomakeendsmeetandfulfillonersquosmaterialobligationsbecomesofutmostimportanceAfterourinitialsurvival-basedneedsaremetotherneedsgain importance These often manifest as questions that reflect the newlybereaved personrsquos confusion or unfamiliarity with how to approach life afterlossldquoWhoamI ifnotamarriedmanWhoamInowthatIamunemployedWhycontinuetopraysincemypreviousprayerswerenotansweredrdquoByaskingyourselftheseandotherkeyquestionsyoulearnwhoyouhavebecomeandhowtolivemoreconsciouslywithoutthedeceasedAsyouembraceyournewrealitythe practice of Resolve is a solid ally imprinting new mental patterns andresettingoldonesNamingkeyresolutionssuchasldquoIpaymybillsontimerdquoorldquoIgotothegymeverydayrdquoiswhatkeepsthedirectionclear
Thesemental adjustments become effective coping tools for the long-termexperience of grief and bring immediate relief of present suffering Thedependenceon theold realitystarts to fadeawayThisoffersa freshdynamicoutlookthatenhancesindependenceandself-worthjustbykeepingaheightenedanddevotedfocusonthenewlyblossomingself
FACILITATINGEMOTIONALRELOCATIONOFTHEDECEASEDORLOSTOBJECT
Yogaaddressesthefundamentalmisapprehensionoffalseegoidentificationtaking the impermanent for permanent As you locate your place in the newrealitytherelationshiptowhoorwhatyouhavelostchangessignificantlyThisclarificationisessentialforhumblingthethreatenedegoInsteadofsubstitutingtheoldattachmentforanewoneseekanewplaceforyourselfinrelationshiptowhoorwhatyoulostYoucanchoosetofocusonwhoyouarenowwithoutthedepartedperson
BreathMeditationisidealforsupportingtheprocessofemotionalrelocationbecauseit requiresus tappingintoourcore issues theprofoundaspectsofouridentityForthisdeepandintimateworkourbreathmdashourlifeforcefuelingourworkmdashwillcontinuetoserveusuntilwetoodepartfromthislife
Your previous identity as effective anduseful as itwaswas linked to thepast responses andbehaviors relating to theworldrsquos challenges froma formernow-nonexistent timeThenewly forming self-identity is beingbasedonyourrevised inner world with more conscious thoughts positive images andappropriate needs that populate a healthier present The focus of yourembarkationismoresavoringandembracingtheactualinternaljourneyleadingyou home to your true self rather than the external aspects that previouslydefinedyourlife
DETACHEDATTACHMENTAHEALTHYMODELFORTHEFUTURE
After losing their son to an accident involving a drunk driver the Smithfamily started a nonprofit organization to raise funds to create a publicawarenesscampaignonthedangersofdrivingundertheinfluenceofalcohol
The organization offered an outlet for their emotions and created a publicforumforhonoringthelostchildinameaningfulwayThefamilyseemedtakenabackwhenI reminded themthat thenonprofit toowouldonedaycometoanend I explained that for example in the best-case scenario their campaignwould be 100 percent effective and no drunk driverswould exist so nomorefundswouldbeneeded
MyintentionwastomakethefamilyawareofthefinitenatureofallthingsincludingtheirorganizationEventhoughtheydidnotlikeanticipatingtheendtheywerecomfortedwhenIaskedthemtoconsiderthisnewpieceofawarenessasagiftfromtheirson
The ultimate intention of Wordenrsquos fourth task is to continue with thepreexistingbondand to findwaysofestablishinganenduringconnectionwithwhat wersquove lost Interestingly enough most existing models of grief therapypropose establishing new and healthier attachments as away to continuewithlife
IsuggestyouconsideranotherwaytolookatthisonemorecloselyrelatedtotheknowledgeofyogaIcallitdetachedattachmentaveryskillfultoolDoformattachmentsyetkeepfullawarenessofthefactthatwhatyouareattachedtowill inevitably disappear Factoring in the truth of the impermanence of allthingsyoucanestablishnewemotionalbondsthatempoweryoutolivefullyinthe moment with no promise of tomorrow Truly embodying this knowledgecouldeffectivelyfreeyoufromremaininginthepainfulcycleofattachmentAsall things eventually do attachment too must end Reassessing the value ofholding on to a belief that only brings suffering leads us to ask ldquoWhy notsubstitute it with a healthier more reasonable concept that might feel evenbetterrdquo
Thisapproachbridgesthepureandattimesunattainablemodelsoforthodoxyoga with the accommodating processes of Western psychology It offers ahappy medium for making new attachments which is an inherent need thathumanshaveBykeepingawide-openthirdeyeaccessingayogicawarenessofthe impermanence of all things you still allow for loving fully Loving inabsence aswell as in presence affords the opportunity of living fullywith theguidanceoftheyogicprinciplesforexistencereducingfuturesuffering
ThisisperhapsoneofthemostdifficultchallengeshumansreckonwithWeexhibit confusion either mistaking love for attachment or struggling to lovewithout itTheverycoreof the relocationprocesshouses theseedofournewbeing While relocating the deceased is the task we too are finding a newemotional address for ourselves Attributed to the universal integration of allexisting things balance equilibrates all systems simultaneously Performingritualsandengaginginactivitiestohonorthepersonorobjectwelostisintruthfor us The actual benefit gained is wholly for our healingwe can reclaim asenseofwell-beingwhilefacilitatingouradjustmentprocess
RevisitingtheexampleoftheSmithfamilyalthoughthesonmightneversee
thenonprofitorganizationtheyopenedinhisnametheorganizationhelpedthefamilytofindnewpurposeandanewidentity
TheThirdPartFindingtheNewIdentity
ThisiswherethetruegemlieswheretheblessingindisguiseisrevealedIamreferringtothedelightonefeelswhenfindingapotofgoldattheendoftherainbowItistheresultyouarelookingforwhenembarkingonaconsciousgriefjourneyYouopenaportaltoadeeperconnectionwiththeSpirittothespiritualrealm of your existence by integrating fresh information on how the bodyprocessesgriefwithhowthemindunderstandsit
WhenexploringthisnewconnectioneachpersondefinesandrelatestotheSpiritinhisorherownwayThequesttoknowtheSpiritisage-oldDespitethisbookrsquos many attempts to explain what Spirit is and because Spirit is anexperienceapracticemightbewortha lotmore thana thousandwordsLetrsquosuseyetagainanotherusefulpracticefromyoga
FINDINGSPIRITINTHEINNERSILENCE
IrsquovefoundthatpracticingthefirstpartofatechniquecalledantarmounaorldquoinnersilencerdquoisofmuchhelpwhenlookingforadeeperconnectionwiththeSpiritThetechniqueconsistsofsittinginacomfortablepositioninstillnessandwiththeeyesclosedThenhearallsoundsidentifyingloudonesfromsoftonesdistantones from those thatareclosebyknownones fromunknownoneshellipNow switch your awareness to your earsmdashthe outer ear its temperature itsshapetrytofeelthemiddleandeventheinnerearPerceiveyourearshellipNowswitchtheawarenesstoYouthewitnessofthesoundsmdashnotthesoundsnottheearsbutYouthewitnessofallsounds
Aftermasteringthetechniqueusingyourearsyoumaycontinuefocusingonyour feelings and then on your thoughts This technique offers a gradual pathtoward the innermost self it can be thought of as a system for disidentifyingwiththegrosserplanesofrealityTheselfweencounteristheoneweareafter
TheSpiritcanbecalledtheaspectofthebeingthatwitnesseslifethroughaphysicalbodyitisnotthephysicalbodynorthefactsoftheexperienceItistheobserverthatisnotalteredbywhatitobservesjustasamirrorisnotaffectedbytheitemsitreflects
SKILLFULQUESTIONING
Finding thenew identitycanbegreatlyhelpedbyusingoneof thegoldentoolsinyogaatmavicharaorself-inquiryTheessentialquestionoftheinquiryisldquoWhoamIrdquoTheanswercanonlybefoundwithinbyconnectingwiththewitnessbyaskingtheobserverwithinbygettingtoknowyourownSpirit
The question is intended to help you connect with the ldquosubjectrdquo of thisexistence or the ldquoIrdquoWe identify ourselves by the states we go through thethingswepossessandtheobjectswerelatetoAnswerssuchasldquoIamrichrdquoorldquoIamsadrdquoleadtoafalseidentification
Thekindofself-inquiryIrsquomindicating isbestconductedwhenworkingondiscarding the object-based identitymdashwhat I ammdashin order to discover thesubject-basedonewhoIamIt isaquestfor thetrueself inall thatwedo ineverythoughteveryspeecheveryaction
Thereasontoperformself-inquiryisthatwedonrsquotpurporttoknowwhoweareandgriefoffersusplentytodoubtTheskillfulquestioningisnotjustrelatedtowhatfamilyyoubelongtoorwhichcountryyouwereborninratheritseekstounmaskyouressentialidentityasanembodiedSpiritThatpartofyourselfasitrelatestoldquoIrdquoisnotidentifiedwiththephysical
Itconnectsyouwiththepureawarenessofwhoyouareratherthanwhatyouare aware of Bear in mind that the difference between object and subjectappearssubtletousandthatweareinherentlyconfusedaboutthesetworealmsOther clarifying questions are Who is feeling sad Who is experiencinganxietyWho is feeling lonely and fearfulMost grievers do not want to bedefinedbytheirgriefthistechniquehelpsconnectwiththeonewitnessingthesufferingnotthesufferingitself
COGNITIVEREFRAMING
VickiPanagotacos (2012292) agiftedAmericangrief therapist proposesfouressentialquestionstoguidetheprocessofenvisioninganewselfandanewlifebydefiningcertainparametersmostofusneedtodealwithIrsquovefoundthatherquestionsareskillful insupportingagrieverrsquospracticeofatmavicharaorself-inquiryThefourquestionsareasfollows
1 Whatdoyouwanttoincludeinyourlife
2 Whatdonrsquotyouwanttoincludeinyourlife
3 Whatdoyouhaveinyourlifethatyouwanttoeliminate
4 Whatdoyouhaveinyourlifethatyouwanttokeep
PanagotacosproposeswritingdowntheanswersoneeachonseparatepagesIn her therapy practice she dedicates a session to providing a final list to herclients including the answers to question 1 plus the ldquoconverted answersrdquo toquestions23and4(ForexampleldquoIdonrsquotwanttomoverdquoconvertstoldquoIwantto stay where I am livingrdquo [293]) I suggest you convert your answers toquestions23and4thenwriteadocumentwithyourfinallistThesearegreatquestionstoaskyourselftopromoteawarenessofyourpersonaljourneyandtofindyourselfinyournewlifeplans
According toKarenWhitleyBellwhowroteLiving at theEnd of LifeAHospiceNurseAddressestheMostCommonQuestions(2010)oneofthemostcommon comments of dying individuals when asked about what they regretabouttheirlivesisthattheywishtheywouldhavelivedmoreaccordingtotheirdesiresthanothersrsquoexpectationsWhileourlivescanonlybebreathedthroughourownnostrils sometimeswe adopt other peoplersquos beliefs aboutwhatrsquos bestforusandassumethemasguidinglightsItisonlythroughfulfillingtheneedsandthedeepdesiresofourheartsthatwecanachieveourdestinyflowingintheuniversalorderofallexistingthings
AtreedoesnotdevelopbranchesjustforbirdstoperchratherbecausethebranchesformthatisinthenatureofthetreersquosdevelopmentandunfoldingThefact thatabirdcanperchon itsbranch is just soandnot the treersquos reasonforbeing
IfyourpreviousidentitywasbasedonothersrsquoneedsyoucannowredesignandredefineanewbyaccessingoneofhumanityrsquosessentialdesiresldquothedesireforpurposethedrivetobecomewhoyouaremeanttoberdquoasexpressedbyRodStryker (2011 35) ldquoYour long-term happiness and fulfillmentrdquo he continuesldquodependonyourabilitytofulfillyourpersonaldharmaandfilltheplaceintheworldthatonlyyoucanfillrdquo
WhatArethePossibleMeaningsofFindingaNewIdentityAfterLoss
Oneoftheamazingfeaturesofthehumanbrainisitsabilitytoassignmeaningto our experiencesThis is due to the presenceof the neocortex a vast net ofinterconnected neurons that complement the functions of the reptilian braininteractingwiththelimbicsystemandtheemotionalbrainThisemotionalpartof thebrain appeared inmammals only just a fewmillionyears agoSowhat
doesthisprocessoftransformationmeanforanindividualThereisnoshortageofmeanings
FindingaLightattheEndoftheTunnel
Despair iscommoningriefbecausesometimes in thevastdarknessof theprocesswecannotenvisionhowlifecouldpossiblygoonItislikebeingstuckinadarktunnelunabletosenselightattheotherend
Thismetaphor often refers to the impossibility of identifying a solutionorresolution for an existing situation when we are in the thick of it ExistencecontinuesafterlossandsocanweBytrustingthatthereislightsomewhereandthat thedarknessinwhichweareimmersedinthepresentmomentwillnotbethere forever we can relax knowing that in time it too will change likeeverythingelsedoes
ThecaseofoneofmyclientsJoancomestomindFeelingboredpracticingConcentratedGazingsheaskedmetousealitcandleforthedistantfocalpointinsteadofablackdotHerassumptionwasthatthedancingflamewouldpreventherfromfeelingdrowsy
Because she had defined the experience of her grief aswalking through adarktunnelwithnoendIproposedtokeepthisimageinmindasshepracticedThis conscious ldquoshiftingrdquo of attention from her present reality of pain andconfusiontothepromiseofanenlightenedfutureservedasapowerfulmetaphorforJoanPerformingthisformofConcentratedGazingshetookthismetaphorofthelightattheendofthetunneltothephysicalrealmofherpractice
Focusingtheeyeonthedistantobjectbecameasymbolofherwillingnesstoface the unknown future projecting her intention tomove beyond the presentfeelings of pain confusion and isolation Even thoughwemight bemired indarknessanddespairthearcofourvisioncarriesustoadeeperrealityonefromwhichweemergestrongerandwiserThankstothisconsciousworkweareabletoovercomethenegativeanticipatorythinkingthathasensnaredus
WhileteachingaclassattheUniversityofCaliforniandashBerkeleyIoncehearda seasoned therapist share her newly found observation She stated that afterthirty-fiveyearsofcounselingclientsshesawthatalltherapeuticworkisbasedindealingwithgrief
Althoughmostgrievingindividualscertainlywouldpreferaquickfixthosewhochose to laboriouslyengage ingriefworkcanfindhope regain trustand
reducetheirpainEnticedbythepossibilityofabetterlifeonemoreabundantinlightandself-lovetheyrealizethatjustontheothersideoftheveilofdarknessissomuchmorethanmostofuseverthoughtpossibleWeenvisionthepositiveoutcomeofourgriefworka torchthatblazesat theothersidewiththenewlydiscoveredknowledgeofself
ExperiencingRebirth
Sometimestheexperienceofarrivingtoanewselfissointensethatpeoplerefer to it as a new birth or a rebirth This is something Irsquove seen happenparticularlyinthecaseofcancerpatientsPeoplefacingcancerhaveaprimarylossofhealthbuttheyalsofacesecondarylossessuchasthelossoftheabilityto perform familiar activities or the loss of hair due to chemotherapyrsquossecondaryeffects
Once losses have been normalized a surprising number of cancer patientsexpress enjoying newly cherished aspects of life They have reported feelingdeeper gratitude delighting in delicate interpersonal contact embodying adeeper knowing of their personal needs and more actively participating inincreasedcompassionateself-care
ManyperceivethisasanewlifeOftencancerpatientswillrefertothedateofdiagnosisasakindofldquosecondbirthdayrdquo
THEMYTHOFTHEPHOENIX
Thephoenixamythicalbirdthatobtainsnewlifebyrisingfromtheashesofits predecessorThe aftermath of the shockingdevastationof loss is describedusing imagery referring to scorched landscapes after a fire empty colorlessvacant dark and lifeless Using this metaphor imagine what this charredlandscape home to so many different animals plants and trees might havecontainedbeforeTheashescontaintherecordedimprintofthepreexistingfaunaandfloraaswellastheelementsthathelpthesoilbecomemorefertileandthatimprove theoverallhealthof the forestDespite theabsenceofwhatwas losttheirmemoryisretainedconcentratedintheashwhichfertilizestheforestfloorandfacilitatesregrowth
Byremainingpresentforthefeelingsthatcomeupingriefwebecomelikethe phoenix created anew from the ashes left behind by loss In her beautifulshortpieceonthelossofason-in-lawKimberleyPittman-Schulzwritesthatldquoto
grieve one deathmeans always to grieve twordquo (2011 16) This is true for somanyof thepeoplehollowedoutby theirexperienceof lossWhatever timeittakesmdashmonthsoryearsmdashtobecomeawareofhowdeeplyalosshaspenetratedus we have the option of living in honor of the departed or deceased byfollowingourpath
Themythofthephoenixisapowerfuloneforunderstandinghowfromthedepths of the ashes a new being is born rising high above the place of oursorrowanddespairendowedwithnewperspectivesandacquiredwisdom
HonoringtheLegacyoftheDeparted
Other than profoundly negative relationships the severance of whichprovidesreliefmostofuswanttocontinuethebondsfindingwaystohonorthelegacyofwhatwehavelost
MostlywechoosetobelievethatthedepartedwouldpreferustobehappyandtostillfulfillourdreamsIndoingso thisbecomesawayofhonoringthememory and intentions of the departed and a way of staying in contact withthemItprovidesuswithafreshopportunitytoshareournewinformationaboutourselves andour accomplishmentswith thedeceased in a figurativeway thatwebelievewouldmakethemhappy
Itallowsourbodies toengage inanaction thesimpleactionof livingourlivesinabetterwayWecannottouchthehandofalostchildorphysicallyhugalostpetyetwefindnewendeavorstoaccomplishldquoinhonorofrdquoldquoasrelatedtordquoandldquointhenameofrdquothedepartedbringingnewmeaningtotheloss
This can serve us by acknowledging and attending to the unfinishedbusiness and still effect perceptive changes even in our relationshipwith thedeceased
BeinganExampletoOthers
OursocietyisnotcomfortablewithgriefnordoesitoffersuitableoutletsforexpressionoftherelatedfeelingsInsteadgriefoftengetssweptundertherugAcommonbelief is thatwegetoverourgriefwith thepassageof timeNothingcouldbefurtherfromthetruththereisnoldquogettingoverrdquoourgriefanditdoesnot simply fade away with time By being patient with our own process weteachotherspatienceByconsciouslyaddressingoursymptomsweteachothers
about self-care By properly naming our feelings and speaking our truth weteachotherstoheargrieversoutandconsolethem
Finding a new identity after loss requires awareness and presence for themultitudeofinsightsgriefoffersBydoingourworkandsharingourexperiencewebecomeamodelanexamplethatotherscanbenefitfromintheirownlivesSociety loves those characters who are secure solid assertive and exhibitdominionoveruncertaintiesEveryonegravitates toward theherowhohumblyunderstands personal weaknesses has self-reliant qualities and has integratedacquiredknowledgeandwisdom
Aswetransitthegrievingprocessfromourheartsandtheintricaciesofourmindswediscoverourresilienceandstrengthenourskillsdefiningabetterlifeandsettingagoodexampletobewitnessedbyothers
LearningNewWaysofLoving
Our new identity can offer a different relationship between love andattachmentonethatmovesawayfrompresentingthemasequalIonceheardanotedprofessionalsaythatgriefisthepricewepayforlovebutintruthgriefisthepricewepayforattachment
Todifferentiate love fromattachmentwe set anewstandardofpossibilityboth with others and for ourselves Societies flourishing in balance and truthstartwithindividualsandrightnowthatisyouandme
Bymakingloveandattachment thesamewemistake the impermanentforpermanent and insteadof lovingunconditionallywe create the conditions forcodependenceByunderstandinghowtocontinuelovinginthefaceofabsencewe liberate love from itsmaterial basis and liberate ourselves in the processThen love achieves its full force becoming capable of transforming inunexpected ways undoing the old and granting us access to a new way oflovingourselveswithfreedomandrespect
SinkingintotheOrderoftheUniverse
The universal order is already in existence and sinking into it promotesactionsthatreinforcetheprincipleofpronoiawhichdictatesthattheuniverseisconspiring in your highest good in both the internal and externalworlds Theacceptanceofthisfactreestablishesourtrustinlifeandbringsasenseofhope
thatiselusivewhileingriefChangeisaconstantforceintheorderoftheuniverseAsyoubecomeaware
of personal choices that no longer serve you trusting the universal forceactivates conscious envisioning of new more appropriate options AnotheressentialyogictruthexpressesthatldquoalltheknowledgeyouneedforyourlifeisalreadywithinyourdquoConsidering thiscanhelpyoubreak free frompreviouslyheldbeliefsthatcauseresistance
IndoingsoyouremovethefirstofthefivecausesofsufferingasstatedbyPatanjali inTheYogaSutras ignoranceof the truthReplacing ignorancewithknowledgebasedonourpresentrealityisoftangiblebenefittogrievers
Theresultingfeeling issimilar towhatweexperiencewhenweswimwiththe current or when we sleep at night a sense of going with the flowcharacterizedbycomfortandeaseThatdoesnotmeantheabsoluteabsenceofstruggleItsuggeststhataswepracticeweencounteraccommodatingmomentsthatallowus togetcomfortablealongwith thediscomfortor relaxwithin theunrestfeelingeaseinthemidstofcomplexity
Yourecognizethatyouarepartofalargerorganismabundantinactivityandpulsatingwith lifeTheacceptance thatyouarepartofacommunityofotherswhohavehopesdesiresandfearsjustlikeyoudocanbeapowerfulantidotetotheparalyzingisolationofgrief
Youcanchangeanidentityestablishedontheoldmodelofattachmentsandembrace a new one based on the synchronicity of your coexistence with theuniverseMost of thework in yoga is related to understanding this union andallowing it to be lifersquos guiding light Transforming our grief offers theopportunity most of us seek to access to bathe in the universal wisdom andbecome part of the whole This experience changes our life forever in theintimacyofoursolitudeorinthecompanyoftherestofhumanity
GriefiswithoutadoubtthemostintenseinvitationtoacknowledgetheunionofallexistingthingsIhaveknownItnotonlyforcesustolivewithamazinglycontradictoryfeelingsandemotionssuchasldquoIdonrsquotwanttoeverthinkofhimagainmdashIdonrsquotwanttoeverforgethimrdquobutalsobecausewearepromptedtogothroughextremelyoppositeconditionsinourbodiesaswellfromfeelingfullofenergywhenexperiencingtheinitialshockofalosstofeelingdeepfatigueafewdayslaterAsconfusingastheseextremesmightseemtoourmindsourheartsfind solace and relief when able to link these opposing feelings and thoughtswith the word ldquoandrdquo A significant part of the new identity results fromsubstituting the limiting ldquobutrdquo for a more inclusive ldquoandrdquo Just think of how
differentitfeelstohearyourselfsayingldquoIwanttoremarrybutnootherwomanwilllovemethesamewayrdquoversusldquoIwanttoremarryandnootherwomanwilllove me the same wayrdquo The very presence of the word ldquobutrdquo is divisiveseparatingnotconducivetoreconciliationmdashqualitiesthatgrieversneednomoreofOnthecontraryldquoandrdquoisinclusiveunitinganinvitationtoreconcileTheseareallmilestonesforagrieveralonghisorherjourneythroughgrief
Aswe conclude the discussion of how to transform grief into a source ofself-knowledge toward a new identity I would like to revive the image of awindmillasametaphorforthisprocessoftransformationJustasthewindmillbladesaremovedbywindourwholebeingissweptupbythemysteryoflossThisnaturalphenomenon iswhatsparks the transformationofhardgrains intoedible flour just as loss forcesus to transform thedepthsofwhoweareThenewly created flour is the starting point of a future meal just as the newlyacquiredknowledgewehavegainedfromlossisthestartingpointofanewldquoIrdquo
ConclusionldquoSolitudehassoftsilkyhandsbutwithstrongfingersitgraspstheheartand
makesitachewithsorrowSolitudeistheallyofsorrowaswellasacompanionofspiritualexaltationrdquo
mdashKahlilGibran(200559)
GriefaffectsusonthedeepestlevelimaginableinallaspectsofourhumanitythephysicalmentalandspiritualBecausesomuchofouridentityiswrappedupinpreviousattachmentswhethergoodorbadthatidentityisstrippedawaywhenwe lose thosepersonsorobjects towhichwersquovebecomeattachedTheyoftenloomsolargelyinourworldthatwerarelytaketimetoquestionhowourlives might be affected by their absence When that moment comes we areforced to answer that question Regardless of our cultural background orreligiousaffiliationwefeel thatuniquesensationthatcomeswithlossBeyondany name we can find for it our whole being ldquoknowsrdquo what we are goingthrough
ThisbookisbornfromthatfeelingdeepwithinmeitisonemoreexpressionofhowmygriefpermeatedmyactionsthoughtsandwordsInowrealizethatfully embracing my personal grief along with my passion for working withgrievers professionally has been a way of emotionally relocatingmymotherandinevitablymyselfTheldquoIrdquospeakingtoyouinthepagesofthisbookcouldnotexistwithoutfirsthavingtransformedmyowngrief
Irsquove shared information about many aspects of grief that can help younormalize yours Please know that loss is part of the human condition andsooneror later grief is felt byallUnderstandinghowEast andWestdiffer intheir view of grief may help you tolerate your contradicting feelings andthoughtsYourpresentrealityisinawayinducedbyyourbrainBepatientallthroughoutlifeyourbrainadaptsbyrewiringitselfthroughexperiencemdashsocanyou
Irsquove offered tools to transform your physical reality through body
movementsandpostures aswell as to reshapeyourmentalpanorama throughbreath work and connect with the deep wisdom of your Spirit throughmeditation Irsquove given suggestions to tailor your practice according to yourabilitiesandneedsUnderstanding the relationshipbetween the techniquesandthewaysthetechniquesaffectgriefcaninformyourchoicesastowhichofthemtopractice
ThesimpleactofpracticingismoreimportantthananyonespecificexercisecontainedinthisbookWhathelpsyoumostisprovingtoyourselfthatyouhavetheintentiontochangePracticewillhelpyoufindwaysofkeepinganenduringconnectionwithwhoorwhathasdepartedwhilerelatingtoyournewemergingselfAsyouwitnessyourselfthepracticehasalreadybegun
ThroughthepowerofyogayouareabletoplungeintothedepthsthathousenotonlyyourpainbutalsoyourtrueselfItisoftenduringthistimethatweareabletomakereallastingchangesthatputusonanewpathtowardgreaterself-fulfillment and ultimate acceptance of the laws of the Universemdashour humbleessenceisjustonemoregrainofsandontheshoresofexistence
In our modern society we tend to trek through life at a breakneck pacestopping to look and listen only rarely either when itrsquos convenient or mostcommon when we are shocked into awareness Loss itself causes the soul-stirring awakening that transforms us even though grief asks not if we arepreparedforsuchtransformativework
Timeisanessentialpartof theprocess justnot theonlyonePayingcloseattentiontothewisdomofourSpiritisrequiredBereavementisatimewhentheSpirit can be contacted most readily because its latent power is clearlyaccessibleAsyoutranscendtheapparentdualityofexistenceyouwillfindthatlifeanddeathabsenceandpresencearepartofonecontinuumandcannotstripyouoftheloveresidingunderneathyoursuffering
TheyogapracticeIrsquovesharedwithyouisnottohelpavoidsufferingratherit is toaidyou in finding reliefAsyouexperienceyourgriefmore fullyyoumove closer to the unique being that you truly are Grief then becomes anaturally humbling invitation to self-reflection not something to be reviled orshunnedManyculturesacceptdeathasatimeofrenewalasapreciousmomentthat teaches us about the bonds we all share including the one with oneselfWhen loss occurs many of us let in loneliness for the first time As youacknowledge the life that has departed you also feel the life that still resideswithinandyouareinvitedtorecognizethatonedaythislifewilltoodepart
This isyour time toaccessasacredspacesetyour intentionsandwitness
theunfoldingoflifeonebreathinonebreathoutYouaretheonewhoneedsacknowledgmentinthismomentmorethananythingelseHereyogacanonceagain assist you Just consider one of yogarsquos core teachings ldquoWhat we arelookingforistheonewhoislookingrdquoYouareonyourwayhellip
GlossaryASANA
PhysicalmovementorposturetraditionallyfoundinthesystemofyogaByfirstaddressing thephysicalasanas help establish a strong foundation in the bodybeforemoreadvancedexercisesandmeditationareperformed
ATTACHMENTTHEORY
Theory pioneered by the behaviorist John Bowlby that discusses how we ashumanbeingsformemotionalbondsasinfantsandchildrenthatthendetermineourlove-relatedbehaviorsintoadulthood
AYURVEDA
AscienceoflifeayurmeaninglifeandvedameaningscienceorknowledgeItoffersabodyofwisdomdesignedtohelppeoplestayvitalwhilerealizingtheirfullhumanpotentialProvidingguidelinesonidealdailyandseasonalroutinesAyurvedaremindsusthathealthisthebalancedanddynamicintegrationofourenvironmentmindbodyandspirit
CHAKRAS
Energetic centers in the physical body that correspond to different nerveplexuses and endocrine glands aswell as certain emotional and psychologicaltraitsEachchakrasignifiesdifferentstagesofhumanevolution
DEGRIEFINGPROCESS
An integrated approach to grief therapy pioneered by Lyn Prashant thatincorporates bodywork traditional grief counseling and complementarytherapies
JWILLIAMWORDEN
American psychologist and grief counselor who created the ldquotasksrdquo model ofgrievingwhich identifies four tasks thegrievermust transit to fulfillanormalgrievingprocess
MEDITATION
MeditationisidentifiedbyPatanjaliwhowroteTheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliasthe primary means by which the practitioner achieves liberation It usuallyentailslimitingtherangeofchangeofthemindtobringaboutcalmandfocus
NORMALIZATION
Theconcept encountered ingrief therapy thatgrief symptomsarenormal andthat thesufferingagriever feelsaftera loss isnot tobeshunned It takes intoaccount both cultural and familial dismissals of grief This is often away forgrieverstofirstaccepttherealityoftheirlossandtostartprocessingthroughthepainoftheirgrief
PRANAYAMA
BreathingexercisestraditionallyfoundinthesystemofyogaBymanipulatingtheprana(lifeforce)pranayamaleadsustooperateontheconsciousnessitself
PRIMARYLOSS
The loss of a loved one object or ideal that occurs first and causes a typicalgriefreaction
PSYCHOPHYSIOLOGY
Multidisciplinarystudyofpsychologybiologyandneurologythatdemonstrateshowenvironmentalfactorsinfluenceusonapsychologicallevel
SADHANA
A spiritual practice that advocates a set of practical exercises to establishregularitythatsustainedovertimeleadsustospiritualfulfillment
SANKALPA
Theyogic principle ofResolveThis helps aid practitioners in identifying andsettinggoalsfortheirpracticeandthereforetheirlives
SECONDARYLOSSES
Lossesthatoccurasaresultoftheprimarylosshavingoccurred
SHATKARMA
Cleansing exercises that help purify both the body and mind preparing thepractitionerformeditation
YOGA
Asix-thousand-year-olddisciplinefromancientIndiawherebythroughphysicalexercises breath work and meditation we can overcome the suffering weencounterinlifeandcontactourSpirit
YOGACHIKITSA
Manrsquosfirstattemptatunitiveunderstandingofthemindemotionsandphysicaldistressandtheoldestholisticconceptandtherapyintheworld
YOGATHERAPY
Westernmodulationoftheoriginaldisciplineofyogaoftenperformedone-on-onethatcombinestraditionaltherapeuticmodelswiththebenefitsbestowedbythepracticeofyoga
ReferencesBegleySharon2007ldquoTheBrainHowtheBrainRewiresItselfrdquoTimeJanuary
192007httpcontenttimecomtimemagazinearticle09171158043800html
BhaktivedantaACSwamiPrabhupada1972Bhagavad-GitaasItIsLosAngelesBhaktivedantaBookTrust
Boleyn-FitzgeraldMiriam2010PicturesoftheMindWhattheNewNeuroscienceTellsUsAboutWhoWeAreNewYorkFTPress
BowlbyJohn1969AttachmentandLossVol1AttachmentNewYorkBasicBooks
BowlbyJohn1972AttachmentandLossVol2SeparationAnxietyandAngerNewYorkBasicBooks
BrezsnyRob2009PronoiaIstheAntidoteforParanoiaRevisedandExpandedHowtheWholeWorldisConspiringtoShowerYouwithBlessingsBerkeleyCANorthAtlanticBooks
BrobergAndersG2000ldquoAReviewofInterventionsintheParentndashChildRelationshipInformedbyAttachmentTheoryrdquoActaPaeligdiatrica89(434)37ndash42
BryantEdwinFed2009TheYogaSutrasofPatanjaliANewEditionTranslationandCommentaryNewYorkFarrarStrausandGiroux
DavidsonRichard2012TheEmotionalLifeofYourBrainHowItsUniquePatternsAffecttheWayYouThinkFeelandLivemdashandHowYouCanChangeThemNewYorkHudsonStreetPress
DiamondLisaM2001ldquoContributionsofPsychophysiologytoResearchonAdultAttachmentReviewandRecommendationsrdquoPersonalityandSocialPsychologyReview5(4)276ndash95
DiemerDeedre1998TheABCsofChakraTherapyAWorkbookYorkBeach
MaineSamuelWeiserInc
FreudSigmund1953ldquoMourningandMelancholiardquoInCollectedPapersVolIVeditedbyErnestJones152ndash70LondonTheHogarthPress
GardnerJames2002ldquoSomaticAspectsofLossandGriefrdquoNotesforUCBerkeleyExtensionContinuingEducationWorkshopBerkeleyCalifOctober26ndash27
GardnerJames2010ldquoTheAnxietyToolboxProgramrdquohttpwwwanxietytoolboxcomtoolboxindexhtm
GibranKahlil2005ldquoSilentSorrowrdquoInTheKahlilGibranReaderInspirationalWritingstranslatedbyAnthonlyRFerris59ndash61NewYorkCitadelPress
GoetheJohannWolfgangvon(attributed)DateunknownFromldquoUntilOneIsCommittedhelliprdquobyMeredithLeeGoetheSocietyofNorthAmericalastmodifiedMarch51998httpwwwgoethesocietyorgpagesquotescomhtml
LowenAlexander1994BioenergeticsTheRevolutionaryTherapyThatUsestheLanguageoftheBodytoHealtheProblemsoftheMindNewYorkPenguinArkana
LuncheHowardJ1999UnderstandingGriefAGuidefortheBereavedBerkeleyCASVLPress
MainMaryandJudithSolomon1986ldquoDiscoveryofanInsecureDisorientedAttachmentPatternProceduresFindingsandImplicationsfortheClassificationofBehaviorrdquoInAffectiveDevelopmentinInfancyeditedbyTBerryBrazeltonandMichaelYogmanNewYorkAblexPublishing
PanagotacosVicki2012ldquoDefiningandEnvisioningSelfrdquoInTechniquesofGriefTherapyCreativePracticesforCounselingtheBereavededitedbyRobertANeimeyerNewYorkRoutledge
Pascual-LeoneAlvaro2001ldquoTheBrainThatPlaysMusicandIsChangedByItrdquoAnnalsoftheNewYorkAcademyofSciences930315ndash29
PertCandace1997MoleculesofEmotionWhyYouFeeltheWayYouFeelNewYorkScribner
Pittman-SchulzKimberley2011ldquoLightHeldTogetherByWaterrdquoTheSunMagazineOctober162011
PrashantLyn2002TheArtofTransformingGriefAPracticalGuideforCombiningConventionalandComplementaryMind-BodyTherapiesSanAnselmoCalifSelf-published
PrashantLyn2005Keynotespeechatthe12thAnnualNationalAlzheimerrsquosConferenceMayoClinicRochesterMinnNovember
RandoTherese1993TreatmentofComplicatedMourningChampaignIllResearchPress
RawatPremPalSingh1990March16LectureatThePremRawatFoundationBuenosAiresArgentina
ReichWilhelm1949CharacterAnalysisNewYorkFarrarStrausandGiroux
RosenbaumBentandSverreVarvin2007ldquoTheInfluenceofExtremeTraumatizationonBodyMindandSocialRelationsrdquoInternationalJournalofPsychoanalysis88(6)1527ndash42
SatyanandaSwami1976FourChaptersonFreedomBiharIndiaYogaPublicationsTrust
SatyanandaSwami1985KundaliniTantraBiharIndiaYogaPublicationsTrust
SelbyJohn1992KundaliniAwakeningAGentleGuidetoChakraActivationandSpiritualGrowthNewYorkBantamBooks
StrykerRod2011TheFourDesiresCreatingaLifeofPurposeHappinessProsperityandFreedomNewYorkDelcortePress
SubramuniyaswamiSivaya1999WeaverrsquosWisdomAncientPreceptsforaPerfectLifeKapaaHIHimalayanAcademy
UlvestadElling2012ldquoPsychoneuroimmunologyTheExperientialDimensionrdquoMethodsinMolecularBiology93421ndash37
VandenBergBellisAlbertWongPetervanderVeldenHendriekBoshuizenandLindaGrievink2012ldquoDisasterExposureasaRiskFactorforMentalHealthProblemsEighteenMonthsFourandTenYearsPost-DisasterALongitudinalStudyrdquoBMCPsychiatry12147ndash60
WhitleyBellKaren2010LivingattheEndofLifeAHospiceNurseAddressestheMostCommonQuestionsNewYorkSterlingPublishing
WeintraubAmy2004YogaforDepressionACompassionateGuidetoRelieveSufferingThroughYogaNewYorkBroadwayBooks
WordenJWilliam2009GriefCounselingandGriefTherapyAHandbookfortheMentalHealthPractitioner4thedNewYorkSpringerPublishingCo
AntonioSausysMAIGTCMTRYTisasomaticpsychotherapistandyogainstructorspecializing inone-on-oneyoga therapy forpeoplewithchronicandacutemedicalconditionsaswellasemotionalimbalanceHestudiedwithyogamasters and teachers such as Indra Devi Swami Maitreyananda and LarryPayne He has continued his professional development with training inintegrative grief therapy with Lyn Prashant foot reflexology SwedishtherapeuticmassageandReikiAntonioteachesandlecturesperiodicallyattheUniversityofCaliforniaBerkeleyattheCaliforniaInstituteofIntegralStudiesKripaluCenterforYogaandHealthHeisamemberoftheWorldYogaCounciltheInternationalAssociationofYogaTherapistsandtheAssociationforDeathEducationandCounselingHeisthefounderandexecutivedirectorofYogaforHealthmdashthe International Yoga Therapy Conference and television host forYogiViewsFormoreinformationvisityogaforgriefreliefcom
TheauthorthankshisfreelanceeditorElliottVogel forhiscreativeassistanceonYogaforGriefReliefVogelisafreelancewriterandeditorAstudentofyogaforovertenyearsVogelrsquosjourneystudyingthephilosophyandpracticeofyogaoriginatedunderthetutelageofthebookrsquosauthorAntonioSausysHecurrentlyresidesinMillValleyCA
Foreword writer Lyn Prashant PhD FT IGT SYVC is a somaticthanatologist certified grief counselor massage therapist yoga instructorauthorandinternationalpresenterSheisthedirectorandfounderofDegriefingreg
(IntegrativeGriefTherapy)andtheInstituteofSomaticThanatology
- Contents
- Acknowledgments
- Foreword
- Introduction
- Grief A Normal Response to Loss
-
- Defining Grief The Western View
- Four Tasks of Mourning A Road Map for the Grieving Process
- Grief and the Brain
-
- Yoga and Grief
-
- The Five Spokes on the Wheel of Suffering
- Griefrsquos Challenge to Spirituality
- Love Beyond Attachment
-
- How the Yoga for Grief Relief Practice Works
-
- How This Practice Was Born
- The Active Principles of the Practice
- How the Practice Functions as a Whole
-
- What You Can Do The Yoga Practice
-
- Accepting Life Fully
- Unblocking the Flow of the Life Force
- Whisking Up the Feelings
- Let Go
- Sleep Better and Awaken to a New Perspective
- Control Is Somehow Possible
- Bringing Calm to a Scattered Mind and a Distressed Body
- Dissolving Old Patterns and Reprogramming the Mind with Intention
- Opening to Spirit
-
- Designing the Logistical Aspects of Your Practice
-
- Setting the Intention
- Should You Practice Alone or Under Guidance
- Is It Better to Practice Individually or in a Group
- Is It Safe to Do This Practice by Yourself
- Which Exercises Are Best for Me
- Where Should I Practice
- When Should I Practice
- For How Long Should I Practice
- Your Practice Changes as You Do
-
- The Process of Transformation
-
- Finding a New Identity After Loss
- How Can the Transformation Be Accomplished
- What Are the Possible Meanings of Finding a New Identity After Loss
-
- Conclusion
- Glossary
- References
-
