grief relief program guidebook - recover from grief · steps 1 through 5 take you on healing...

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Grief Relief

Program Guidebook

A Quality Instructional Ebook

~ by Jennie Wright, RN, GC-C

© recover-from-grief.com, 2011. All rights reserved.

http://www.recover-from-grief.com/

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Welcome To Grief Relief.............................................. 3

About the Program...................................................... 4

What is Guided Meditation?........................................ 5

How To Use the Tapes................................................10

BONUS: Other Grief Coping Skills:............................13

Take care of your body.....................................13Exercise...........................................................14Diet..................................................................15Medication & Herbals......................................17Sleep...............................................................19Simplify your life..............................................21Find new interests...........................................22Hope for the future..........................................24

Disclaimer & Warning Signs......................................25

Permissions & Acknowledgements............................27



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WELCOME

Welcome, Tenderheart, to our Grief Relief program. We are so happy that you have taken a leap of faith here and purchased the five-step program. A lot of hard work went into these tapes, and we know that you'll value them and find them very useful during your bereavement journey.

This booklet explains the program, describes the best way to utilize the tapes, and pulls together lots of other grief coping ideas culled from our grief website and e-courses.

Please read this book in its entirety; in contains many important tips regarding use of the resources and just general knowledge about coping with the bereavement process. Try to implement these ideas into your life and use the tapes regularly as directed. We know you will enjoy profound improvement in your outlook and daily life from the Grief Relief program.

We also request that you tell us your impressions about the program, praise as well as criticism. Negative feedback will help us make Grief Relief even better, and positive feedback is always a welcome thing to help keep us enthusiastic and focused on our mission. We may even want to use some of your comments to help promote the program, but would do so only with your specific written permission. So tell us how you feel about Grief Relief here: Contact Us. (http://www.recover-from-grief.com/contact-us.html)

Thanks again for purchasing the program; in doing so, you're helping yourself to heal and take charge of your life again. You are also helping to support the Recover from Grief website and other future important projects, and for that we thank you. So get started today, commit to the program for at least the next month, and enjoy Grief Relief.



http://www.recover-from-grief.com/contact-us.html

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ABOUT THE PROGRAM

So what exactly is the Grief Relief program?

Grief Relief consists of eight MP3 audio tapes, each approximately 20 minutes long, as well as this instructional e-book guide in PDF format. There are different ways you can access and utilize the materials, and we describe them below under "How to use the tapes".

The audio tapes are recordings of Guided Meditations, as well as a bonus tape of Affirmations. Steps 1 through 5 take you on healing journeys which explore different aspects of grief that are almost surely impacting your life right now.

Once the 5-step program is completed, there are two tapes for daily use; a morning guided meditation, and an evening guided meditation. For best results, listen to steps 1 through 5 over the space of one week, but in no case more than one tape per day.

THESE ARE THE 5 STEPS:

Step 1: Your Pain: Let it In; feel the grief. Acknowledging your loss.

Step 2: Anger: Identify your anger points and learn how to defuse this destructive emotion.

Step 3: Guilt & Forgiveness: Release feelings of guilt and remorse and learn to forgive yourself and others.

Step 4: Alone & lonely: Don't grieve alone; find support from others.

Step 5: Reaching for help & hope (from within & above). Things to look forward to.

Once you have gone through the five steps, start using the morning and evening meditations on a daily basis. Commit to at least one month of daily use of these tapes, and you will be surprised at the profound positive impact they make on your stress levels, mood and outlook.

The eighth tape, Affirmations, are positive statements which you can listen to any time to help reinforce positive thinking.

Now, a little more about guided meditation technique.



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WHAT IS GUIDED MEDITATION?

RELAXATION TECHNIQUES

Relaxation techniques... you might be thinking, yeah, right... I don't have time for any of that stuff; it's just new-age mumbo jumbo anyway!

But listen... these techniques, and our special spin on them, will take you on a grief relief journey that will amaze you. There are no other stress reduction or grief coping strategies out there which can bring about such profound improvement in your overall quality of life.

These techniques not only calm you down at the time you practice them, the benefits will carry over into your day-to-day life. If you practice them on a daily basis, you'll enjoy a return of joy and serenity to your life that you might not have felt in many years (perhaps even since childhood).

The tapes effortlessly evoke the relaxation response, a state of deep physical and emotional rest. The relaxation response also involves chemical responses in the body... reactions that chill you down and smooth you out.

The "relaxation response", the brain's reaction to quiet meditation technique, is very real, and worth pursuing. For me personally, I can tell you that the practice of the techniques we present here has saved my "emotional life" several times through the years. It has dispelled the excessive worry and anxiety that have plagued me from time to time, and pulled me up out of the pit of depression. I can honestly say that mindful meditation, guided imagery and yoga breathing exercises are "hands-down" the most valuable life-skills I have ever learned, and I am happy to share them with you here.



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WHAT IS MEDITATION?

"MEDITATION"DO NOT let the word "meditation" throw you. This has nothing to do with Indian swamis or stoned-out hippies... ...this has to do with emotional survival. It is your best tool to finding peace... happiness... and joy. It unlocks your creative energies, provides calming serenity, and enhances your quality of life.

Meditation is not a religious discipline. It is a medically proven technique that provides physical stress relief and is a healthy alternative to mind-numbing drugs and alcohol. It decreases your heartrate, breathing rate and blood pressure. It lowers anxiety levels and can decrease insomnia, fight infection, and help in weight control.

Meditation can be utilized for both the treatment and prevention of many stress-related conditions. It is considered to be one of the better therapies for panic disorder , generalized anxiety disorder, substance dependence and abuse, ulcers, colitis, chronic pain and dysthymic disorder. It is considered to be a valuable adjunctive therapy for moderate hypertension (high blood pressure), prevention of heart attack, atherosclerosis (hardening of arteries), arthritis (including fibromyalgia), insomnia, migraine, asthma, and some neurological disorders as well. These include people with Parkinson's disease, multiple sclerosis, and epilepsy.

The benefits are profound... physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. You will find meditation a welcome addition to your arsenal of stress-reduction tools and grief coping techniques.

NOW WHAT IS GUIDED IMAGERY?

Visualization, or guided imagery, is a variation on traditional meditation which also helps relieve stress. Guided imagery involves imagining a scene in which you feel at peace, free to let go of all tension and anxiety. Guided imagery is effortless and effective. All you have to do is listen!

Guided imagery techniques are the cornerstone of our Grief Relief program. We believe in them and feel so strongly that you will find them beneficial too, that we put our 60-day guarantee on the line. I suggest that you commit to working through the 5 steps then practicing the morning and evening tapes daily for 30 days before making a decision... the cumulative effects will astound you!



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YOGA BREATHING

Yoga breathing exercises (pranayama) have a significant calming effect, and can be practiced in short sessions (5 minutes) in many different settings (while at work, or before a speech). Although we incorporate breathing relaxation techniques into the tapes, we tell you below how to use "pranayama" any time you need a quick chill-down from stress.

Here's how:The key to this technique is to breathe deeply from the abdomen, getting as much fresh air as possible into your lungs. In this way, you inhale more oxygen. And more oxygen reduces tension, anxiety and shortness of breath.

Sit comfortably in bed or a supportive chair, with your back straight. Put one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach.

Breathe in deeply and slowly through your nose. The hand on your stomach should rise, while the hand on your chest should move very little.

Exhale through your mouth, pushing out as much air as you can, while contracting your abdominal muscles. The hand on your stomach should move in as you exhale, but your other hand should move very little. Count slowly as you exhale.

Continue to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. As you breathe, visualize that each breath is passing in and out through your heart, or the center of your chest. Imagine that each inhalation brings in an attitude of calm and balance (like an emotional tonic).

So the next time you feel stressed, take a few minutes to slow down and breathe deeply. Instant calm!



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PUT IT ALL TOGETHER WITH OUR "GUIDED MEDITATIONS"

Scientific research has proven that meditation and guided imagery help people relax, reduce stress and anxiety and strengthen their "emotional stamina". In fact, for such simple and easy to use techniques, they can promote remarkable positive changes in your life!

The basic foundation of the entire Grief Relief program is relaxation. We provide you with instruction in the best relaxation techniques available today: mindful meditation, guided imagery, and yoga breathing. Then we have carefully combined these proven techniques with important aspects of the bereavement process... acceptance of pain, anger, guilt, loneliness, and hope for the future. The result are these powerful tapes, which will provide you with better understanding and true grief relief.

The tapes begin by helping you to relax and clear your mind, then center yourself through breathing techniques. Then they begin to address an aspect of grief in a manner which calls upon your senses and memory to engage your imagination. The narrative carefully weaves in a story or asks provoking questions that call forth introspective thoughts and healing images. With regular use over time, you will find the tapes have a stronger effect on you, but in a gentle, healing way. Look at the tapes as an engagement, cleansing and purging of strong emotions, which will help pave the way for healing to take place. This process is nothing to be afraid of. Grief must be experienced fully and not avoided, and this program helps you do this in a psychologically proven manner. These techniques are healthy and safe to use, and are practiced daily by mental health clinicians and their patients around the world.

Hopefully, we haven't frightened or confused you by the explanation given above. You might worry that you are not listening close enough or practicing the imagery techniques properly. Just know that whatever happens to you while listening is okay. The dreamy state they invoke might make you drift to other thoughts or even fall asleep (especially at first). But with regular practice, you will find that you stay awake and can gently pull youself back to the story if your mind wanders. No matter your own personal experience, the helpful words and images from the tapes will ultimately find their way into your subconscious, facilitating healing and comfort.

You can't do this wrong! All you have to do is relax, lay back and effortlessly experience Grief Relief. Commit to at least one full month of daily use of the tapes. In this way you will engage the power of your mind and subconscious to help yourself heal.



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IMPORTANT NOTE:

You will find that each tape contains a duplicated portion which contains the exact same relaxation sequence, a preparatory narrative to rest your body and center yourself in the moment.

We did not do this to save time or cut corners. We are simply using the very best tried and proven sequence we know of in order to bring the necessary relaxation, and to prepare you for the specific individual guided imagery journey which follows.



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HOW TO USE THE TAPES:

After you download the tapes, you can add them into your iPod or other MP3 player*, or burn them to a CD (hard disc), or just access them on your hard drive, by listening through headphones plugged into your computer or laptop.

As a last resort, you could just listen by broadcasting through the computer speakers, but this is definitely not preferred; ear plugs or headphones provide a much more profound and sensory experience.

The first 5 tapes, Steps1-5, are designed to be used over the space of a week; or even longer if needed. Please do not listen to more than one of the 5 steps in one day. They are much more effective if you listen to one, then let it sink in for a day or two.

If at any time in the future, you feel the need to go back and revisit one of the 5 program tapes, for instance Step 2 when you feel particularly angry, by all means do so.

The Morning and Evening meditations are intended for daily use once the 5-step program is completed. These daily guided image meditations will help reduce stress and keep you on an even keel.

The last tape, Affirmations, can be used at random to help reinforce what you have learned and keep the positive thoughts fresh in your mind.

The beautiful and haunting melodies that accompany these meditations are provided by a generous soul named Kevin MacLeod. Visit his website at: (incompetech.com)



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* Here's how to download the tapes and then load into your MP3 player:

1. Download the mp3 files per instructions on the download page

2. On your computer, Open: —Downloads—Views—[the downloaded files will be listed there] (Minimize that window)

3. Open: [Desired storage folder (like "My Music") (Minimize that window)]

4. Drag the mp3 files from the download folder and drop into your desired holding folder.

5. Give the file a name, artist, & genre; by right clicking/then choose properties

6. To transfer to iPod: Do not hook up ipod to computer yet. Open your holding file/minimize windowOpen iTunes/open "Music Library" if it did not open/ (minimize window)Drag each of the files from holding folder and drop into iTunes list of songs ("Music Library").

7. When finished dragging all mp3 files into iTunes; Then hook up iPod to computer to download the new files into your iPod (an automatic synch occurs, transferring the new files to your Ipod)



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WHERE TO MEDITATE

Sit in a comfortable chair, or on a pad on the floor, or prop yourself upright in bed. Be easy and relaxed while listening to the tapes. You do not have to do any active work, you can't get it wrong.

You might want to find a special place in your home to set aside for your morning meditation sessions. It could be a quiet spot in your yard or patio, a corner of your bedroom, or your comfy bed.

It needs to be a silent, comfortable place... a sanctuary where you will be undisturbed for 20 minutes (NO interruptions... no cell phones, TVs, or screaming children). Let others know not to disturb you for half an hour.

What you are about to do is a special thing--- so make your space special, too. Get some scented candles, flowers, a piece of sculpture, something that reflects your spiritual side.

The evening meditation is best done in bed, before you go to sleep for the night.

MAKE A COMMITMENT

Make a promise to yourself now---you will meditate every morning and every evening... for one month. If you do this, you'll become a believer. Meditation calms your mind, and it stays with you. You will enter a zone of clarity and openness. Your imagination is the creative mechanism of your mind; allow it free rein. Your innate capacity for healing and recovery is limitless if you just open your mind to these proven techniques.



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OTHER GRIEF COPING SKILLS

The following coping ideas and techniques are pulled directly from our free grief and stress e-courses, as offered on our website, www.recover-from-grief.com. We have had such positive feedback from this material that we decided to provide it to you as a free bonus with the Grief Relief instructional manual.

TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY

In the beginning, you may be so preoccupied with your grief and pain that you neglect the basic activities of daily living. You may have to remind yourself to bathe, do the laundry, eat and even command yourself to go to bed at night. It will get better as time goes on.

You may have to force yourself to eat in the beginning, but it is important that you do take care of that body. You might not really care right now, but you will need it later on.

Get some exercise; even a short walk in the evening will help clear your mind and stave off depression. Fill the kitchen with healthy foods. Cheeses, yogurt, cereals, fruits and salads will be fairly easy for you to tolerate and provide some good nutrition. Grief expends a lot of energy. You will need fuel. Taking care of your health will help to ease you through the grief.

Taking care of your basic hygiene and household chores is important to help you maintain your dignity. It will not be easy at first. Nothing seems important compared to the loss of your loved one. But it is important that you keep on with your daily routine, keep yourself and your environment clean, and take care of your body. These tasks will provide some much needed structure to your day. And it gives you something you can actually have control over!

Day-to-day life will get easier, you can count on it. You will survive. Give yourself permission to live... you will not die too!



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EXERCISE

Exercise is probably one of the best and simplest stress reducers out there. Honest!

Often when you are laid low by anxiety, worry or emotional pain, you won't even think about exercise. Big mistake! If you can exercise even a little (a brisk walk around the block), it will help clear away the fog and tensions that build up during your stress filled days. Exercise helps you more easily manage stress and increases your energy level. It is nature's tranquilizer and also helps you to sleep better.

You don't need to get crazy with this, like total daily workouts at the gym. Unless you are used to gym workouts, start at home, by walking, jogging or bicycling. Just get outside in the fresh air and sunshine. Find what's comfortable for you and try to do it for half an hour, every other day. Try to get your heart rate up a little, even for a short time. As you exercise, try not to dwell on your troubles. Just for now, focus on your breathing and the beautiful day that you have been handed!

More tips on enjoying a regular exercise regimen:

*Get a dose of sunlight every day. Sunlight is proven to help lift your mood. Try to get at least 10 to 15 minutes of sunshine per day; while exercising, gardening, or chatting with your neighbor over the fence.

*Exercising with others can help keep you committed. Take a dance, aerobics or yoga class. Work out or jog with a friend or neighbor. It's harder to skip it this way.

*Make exercise a "family affair". Get the whole family out for a walk after dinner. Infants or young children can be pushed in a stroller. Walk the dog together or get on bicycles or skates.

* Snow blowing outside? Then exercise inside. Put on some dance music and boogie in your living room. Watch your favorite TV shows while on the treadmill or stationary bike.

*For maximum anxiety relief, try to get at least 30 minutes of aerobic activity on most days. This relieves tension and stress, boosts your energy and stamina, and enhances well-being through the release of endorphins, the brain’s "happy hormones".



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DIET: Eat healthy; dine calmly

What you put into your body can most definitely affect your stress and anxiety levels. Why? Food and hydration control your metabolism in many interrelated ways. We won't go into all the complicated internal processes, just know that nutrients, sugar and stimulants like caffeine play a major part, as does hydration/dehydration.

Taking control and treating your body right puts you on the right path to controlling your stress and anxiety levels. Eat plenty of complex carbohydrates [whole grains, beans, fresh fruits and vegetables]. Not only do complex carbs stabilize blood sugar, they also increase serotonin, which has a calming effect.

*VITAMINS & MINERALS: Stoke your body with stress-fighting vitamins and minerals. Take a "stress-tab" vitamin with plenty of B-complex, daily. Other proven stress supplements you might want to add:

-Vitamin B12-Magnesium Citrate-Omega-3 oils

*WATER: It's a little known fact that keeping your body well-hydrated can help reduce anxiety. So one of the easiest and best stress-busters is plenty of fresh water! Water is a great quencher of thirst as well as of anxiety. Why? It helps distribute important hormones, chemical messengers, and nutrients to vital organs of the body. Water helps flush out waste products and toxins, especially from the urinary system. Most people go through the day somewhat dehydrated and don't even know it. Dehydration can contribute to a stressed out body and mind.

So keep a large mug of water where you work and play. Try to drink 4 or 5 large glasses daily. Simple. Effective. Not soda or tea. Water.

Follow these tips for a more balanced, nutritious and calming diet regimen:

*Start your day right with a light, healthy breakfast; cereals, yogurt and fruit are all good. McBreakfast platter is not. Your mom was right; breakfast is the most important meal of the day. It jump-starts your metabolism and helps keep you from overeating later in the day.

*Keep your energy level up with small nutritious snacks throughout the day, rather than 3 heavy meals. Going too long without eating leads to low blood sugar, which can make you feel anxious, irritable and stressed out.



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*Reduce or eliminate caffeine. Caffeine can increase anxiety, interfere with sleep, and even provoke panic attacks. By reducing coffee, cola, tea, and chocolate in your diet, you’ll feel more relaxed and sleep better. Feel jittery, nervous and overwhelmed today? You think it might be that pot of coffee you polished off this morning?

*Sugary snacks and sweets cause blood sugar to spike and usually end with a crash in mood and energy. A Snickers bar is NOT a good snack for that 3pm energy dip.

*Make mealtime special. Set the mood and reconnect with the joys of eating. Light some candles and play soothing music to create a relaxed dining atmosphere. Nowadays, we tend to rush though our meals, hardly tasting the food! Make the effort to slow down, chew thoroughly, and savor the tastes and textures of your food.

*Avoid stress while eating; it can actually shut down digestion, making you physically and mentally sluggish. Don't eat while working, driving, arguing, watching TV or surfing online.



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DRUGS & HERBALS

PRESCRIPTION DRUGS

Many people suffering from stress and anxiety turn to prescription medications for help. Why? They are desperate for a quick fix to their problem! While medication may prove necessary in some situations, people (and their physicians) tend to overmedicate. Anxiety medications like Ativan, Xanax and Valium may be helpful for acute anxiety attacks, but they are horribly overused and over-prescribed. "Anxiolytics" were never intended to help you cope with the normal stresses of day-to-day life, and they can quickly become a crutch to help get you though the day. You will soon find yourself unable to quit! Anxiolytics are among the most psychologically addicting of drugs, and should be avoided unless absolutely necessary for intermittent use.

SELF MEDICATION

Avoid excessive alcohol and recreational (street) drugs. Self-medicating with alcohol or drugs may provide an easy escape from stress, but the relief is only temporary. As these substances wear off, they actually increase your anxiety and depression. Don’t avoid or mask the issues at hand; deal with problems head on and with a clear mind. Drinking or drugging for anxiety relief also starts you on a path that can lead to abuse and dependence.

HERBALS: NATURAL REMEDIES FOR ANXIETY

It's worth checking out alternatives to pharmaceuticals, in case something simple helps. And many times, herbal remedies are just as effective for occasional help on anxious days as anxiolytics. Herbal remedies for stress are mostly free of any side effects. You can safely stop taking them after a couple of months if you so desire, without any fear of withdrawal symptoms or psychological dependence.

These are the major natural herbal remedies for excessive stress and anxiety:

* Kava kava: is an approved herbal treatment for stress in many European countries. It can relieve stress symptoms without the side effect of drowsiness. Kava kava is used for treating anxiety, insomnia and also alcohol withdrawal. It may be hard to find in the States. Overuse has been linked very rarely to liver failure.

o Caution: do not use kava kava if you are already taking tranquilizers, sleeping pills or antidepressants. Also, avoid alcohol and do not take kava kava if you



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have Parkinson’s disease.

*St. John’s Wort: is a good alternative to antidepressants and helps relieve anxiety. It needs to be taken for several weeks to start seeing benefit. It has a few minor side effects, but is not addictive.

o Caution: If you are already taking an antidepressant, do not use St. John’s Wort. Also, it may make you more sensitive to the sun, so remember to use a sunscreen when going out.

* Valerian root is a natural substitute for diazepam (Valium). It is non-addictive and very useful for relieving anxiety and inducing sleep. Unlike sleeping pills, you do not wake up feeling groggy.

o Caution: Do not take valerian if you already taking sedatives like Phenobarbital or benzodiazepines.

WARNINGS:

-Moderation in all things! Read the labels of these herbal remedies and do not exceed the recommended amounts. Excessive use of just about any drug or herb can injure your liver.

-Under no circumstances should you stop taking ANY prescription medication "cold" without consulting your doctor. You can go into withdrawal, end up in the ER, and have seizures, or worse. These medicines must be weaned off gradually. Consult your physician.



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SLEEP, DELICIOUS SLEEP

Sleep is especially important for you during times of increased stress. It is restorative and cleansing to your psyche. Physicians even speak of "sleep hygiene". When you’re sleep deprived, stress is not near as easy to handle. And when you’re well rested, it’s much easier to keep your emotional balance and stress levels low.

Unfortunately, during stressful times, you will find it harder to get a good night's sleep. It’s not easy to leave the problems and worries from the day behind when you hit the sack. Worrying and anxiety trigger the “fight or flight” mechanism in the body, which makes it hard to fall and stay asleep all night. This creates a vicious cycle of worry, anxiety, and insomnia.

There are some definite tactics you can employ to help improve your own "sleep hygiene":

*Keep a regular bedtime schedule, including weekends. Your "internal clock" helps keep your wake and sleep cycles on an even keel. Select the best bedtime based on when you feel sleepiest, then stick to it. Try to go to bed and wake up at the same time each day, 7 days per week. Staying up late on Saturday night will disrupt the sleep cycles and contribute to your insomnia problem.

*Eat "sleepy food" before retiring.Try not to eat a large meal within two hours of bed. Make dinnertime earlier in the evening, and avoid heavy, rich foods as bedtime snacks.

Instead, there are some light bedtime snacks that can actually help you fall asleep. These include foods containing tryptophan, carbohydrates, and calcium. Avoid eating too much protein before bedtime, which can be stimulating. And by all means, avoid coffee, tea and cola from lunchtime on...

These are some bedtime snacks which might help you sleep:

*Glass of warm milk and half a turkey or peanut butter sandwich*Whole-grain, low-sugar cereal or granola with milk or yogurt*A banana and a cup of hot herbal (non-caffeine) tea

Activities to help calm you down for the night:

*Read a light, entertaining book or magazine.



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*Quiet your mind with meditation, guided imagery tapes or prayer *** *Listen to soft music or books on tape.*Low stress hobbies such as knitting or jigsaw puzzles*Stop worry by preparing for tomorrow (make a to-do list or lay out clothes and shoes).*Avoid the nightly news or gory/scary television shows.

You might be tempted to get a sleeping pill from your doctor, but this should be avoided if at all possible. You can quickly become dependent on medication and find yourself unable to sleep at all without it. You don't need a drug problem to add to your troubles right now. Instead, try Valerian root (2-3 caps), and/or a 25mg tab of Benadryl (diphenhydramine) for occasional use on particularly sleepless nights. This is a special one-two punch that works!

Get what sleep you can and try not to dwell on your insomnia. Worrying about it only adds to the problem.

***You will find the nighttime meditation tape in this program especially helpful in promoting restful sleep.



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SIMPLIFY YOUR LIFE

There are many ways in which you might be ramping up your own stress levels. But you have it in your power to make changes in your life and yourself to help reduce stress! If you can reduce unrealistic expectations and negative attitudes, you are sure to enjoy a lower stress level and happier life.

These are some other changes you can make that might help:

*Build a support system: Work on creating a strong network of supportive friends and family members.*Have confidence in yourself and your ability to meet the challenges of life.*Develop a positive, optimistic attitude and outlook. Expect a good outcome!*Learn how to accept change and recognize when you cannot control or "fix" a situation. (This is a biggie).*Learn how to calm down and soothe yourself when you’re feeling sad, angry, upset or afraid. (The relaxation techniques you learn here will prove very helpful for this).*Cross some things off "your list". Maybe you don't need to be your kid's soccer coach right now. Wouldn't it be nice to just sit in the stands and enjoy the games?



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FIND SOME NEW INTERESTS

New interests will add structure, meaning and enjoyment to your life, something you probably need desperately about now. Try some of these strategies:

*Engage in meaningful, creative work. This will make you feel productive, whether or not you get paid for it – things like gardening, artwork, writing, playing a musical instrument, or building something in your workshop or craft room.

*Make play time a priority! Do something daily for no other reason than you enjoy it. Go to a funny movie, take a walk on the beach, listen to music, read a good book, or talk to a friend. Play and "down time" is an emotional and mental health necessity. And humor is nature's tranquilizer!

*Get a pet. Yes, pets bring with them some chores and responsibility, but they enrich your life and are worth the work. Caring for a pet makes you feel needed and loved. There is no love quite as unconditional as that a pet can give. Animals can also get you out of the house for exercise and the stimulation of new people and places.

NEW INTERESTS

It may seem a little shallow or inappropriate for you to embark on a new project or hobby at a time like this! Yet such a diversion can provide just the comfort or distraction you need to ease you through your long days of mourning.

Was there ever a hobby or new skill that you regretted not pursuing? Now is the time for it. What can you do that's new and interesting? The world is wide open...

*Take up knitting or crochet. Knit a soft comforter in your favorite colors. Wrap yourself up in it.*Check out some library books and learn the basics of woodworking. Make a memory box or a bookshelf.*Buy some intricate jigsaw puzzles and a book of New York Times crossword puzzles.*Start a "square-foot" vegetable garden or plant some exquisite rose varieties. Savor the earthy smell of tilled soil or heavenly rose scents.*Buy a 20 gallon fish tank and stock it with Oscars or other exotic species. Tend to it daily and enjoy watching the fish.*Take guitar or piano lessons. Fill your living room with sweet sound.*Start bike riding or jogging daily. Get a skip-proof CD player and exercise to your favorite music.



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*Paint your bedroom, rearrange the furniture and clean out the closet. Take the clutter to the nearest donation center.*Take up watercolor or pastel classes at the local adult-ed center. Paint your grief. What color is it?*Join the church choir. Promise you won't sing too loudly. Glory in the sound of the voices as they harmonize.*Join an environmental group. Find a cause to donate your time to. Get involved.* Find a charity related to the manner in which your loved one died. Find a way you can help promote the cause.* Try your hand at fishing or learn how to sail a small boat. Enjoy being out on the water.*Join a poetry workshop. Attend some readings. Nurture your soul.*Join a bird watchers group. Buy a nice camera with a telephoto lens and capture the beauty of nature.* Investigate the local Y. Take up yoga, aerobics or aqua-cize. Determine to treat your body right. Finally.

You have changed because of your loss. Let your soul evolve and welcome new dimensions into your life. It will create a focus for your energies and provide healing activity. Reach out to others in your days of need. Find some new interests and meet some new people.

In so doing, you will find your way back to life. For life truly is rich, and precious... and worth celebrating. Even without your loved one at your side.



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HOPE FOR THE FUTURE

Do you know long it takes for grieving to end?

You may be very early in your tragedy, and be so devastated that you find it hard to believe you could ever recover. The truth is, it will take a long time, there's no way around that. Your grief may be so unbearable that you started searching the internet for a "quick fix" to end the pain. I am sorry to tell you, there is no quick fix to bereavement. But I do want you to know what lies ahead, so you can survive for now, with hope in the back of your mind.

The grieving process is a very personal and individual thing. The relationship you had with your loved one and how he died will dictate the length and depth of your own bereavement. There is no healthy way to shorten the process; there are no short cuts to the resolution of grief. You must let it run it's course.

There is also no "normal" amount of time for mourning. Some people adjust to a new life in a matter of months. Others take a year or more, or up to 2 years or longer to complete their grieving. Most take a year or two. The best length of time for you? Whatever you need.

You also need to know that even after you are "done", you may re-experience extreme sadness and distress from time to time, especially during special dates and anniversaries, or during holidays. So expect it.

The end of grief does not mean that you forget your beloved, or cease to love them. When you experience a tragic loss, it breaks your heart. But you can mend your broken heart. Would that be disrespectful to your loved one? No. Will you ever forget them? No, they will always have a place in your heart, even though your life continues without them.

The grieving process creates change in your life and in yourself that allows you to gradually relinquish your need for your lost one. Grief helps you come to terms with this, and to refocus your energies toward the future. Grief is not about "returning to normal". You will never be the same as you were. Grief is about finding a new life order for yourself.

Cling to this: the pain will eventually ease up. You will one day find yourself planning for the future with some degree of joy in being alive. You will experience a new dawning of life that slowly replaces the previous despair and desolation and darkness.



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DISCLAIMER

Griefwork is serious business. Bereavement is by far one of the most overwhelming and challenging situations a human being will ever find himself in. As a provider of information for the bereaved, we take our responsibilities very seriously. This program was created, and information is provided in a spirit of compassion and love by experienced health care providers.

However, we are not physicians or licensed mental health clinicians. We do not practice medicine or psychology, or psychiatry, and we encourage you to seek licensed professional assistance when indicated.

The mission of Grief Relief and the Recover From Grief website is to promote understanding of the grief process, and provide practical strategies for dealing with it. The information provided in this program is not a substitute for assessment, diagnosis and treatment of any mental disorder. It is not intended to substitute for the services of a mental health care professional. It is intended for instructional purposes only. The use of this information is solely at your own risk.

The authors and seller of this publication and audio tapes shall have no liability for claims by, or damages of any kind to, a user of this information. Such damages include, without limitation, damages for personal injuries, emotional distress, and other non-monetary loss, as well as direct or indirect damages.

While Grief Relief makes reasonable efforts to include accurate and up-to-date information, Grief Relief makes no warranties or representations as to its accuracy, completeness or timeliness. Grief Relief assumes no liability or responsibility for any errors or omissions in the content of the program. To the full extent permitted by law, we disclaim all warranties, express or implied. By using this program, you are agreeing to the provisions of this disclaimer, and you waive all claims that may arise in connection with your use of this information.

WARNING SIGNS: WHEN TO GET HELP:

* Serious or persistent thoughts of or actual planning of suicide.* High anxiety that leaves you non-functional.* Depression- It's normal to feel sad at the death of a loved one; but a complicated or prolonged bereavement may lead to true clinical depression.



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WHERE TO GET HELP:

* For serious suicidal thoughts: get help immediately. Have a friend drive you to the hospital or dial 911.* For extreme anxiety or clinical depression: Will need professional medical help and possibly medication.* Other support systems: Online support groups and forums; Local support groups-- especially useful for those who have lost a child, or with grief from suicide.

WARNING: If you are having serious mental problems or emotional difficulties, please see a physician or mental health professional without delay. We are not responsible for any damages claimed as a result of use of the information contained herein.



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Copyright statement

All materials, graphics, content, images and design of this publication, audio tapes and program are copyrighted.

Reproduction in whole or in part without prior written permission is prohibited. No whole or part may be held in any electronic storage device without prior written permission.

Copyright ©recover-from-grief.com, 2011All Rights Reserved.For Permissions contact:[email protected]

Grief Relief Music: Courtesy of Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)



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