January13 2014

Women13 We13 Love13 Lady13 VioletAnn13 Daly13 PhD13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 AnnDalycom

They13 can13 kill13 off13 Sybil13 and13 they13 can13 kill13 off13 Matthew13 but13 if13 they13 kill13 off13 Lady13 Violet13 there13 will13 be13 hell13 to13 pay

As13 the13 materfamilias13 of13 ldquoDownton13 Abbeyrdquorsquos13 Grantham13 clan13 Violet13 Dowager13 Countess13 of13 Grantham13 is13 the13 queen13 of13 the13 bon13 mot13 (search13 ldquoSht13 the13 Dowager13 Countess13 Saysrdquo13 on13 YouTube)13 and13 a13 beloved13 cranky13 granny13 to13 us13 all13 Even13 more13 shersquos13 the13 kind13 of13 woman13 we13 secretly13 long13 to13 be13 unbowed13 unfettered13 and13 uncensored

In13 more13 modern13 times13 she13 would13 be13 admired13 as13 ldquoan13 old13 broadrdquo13 After13 all13 despite13 her13 most13 reNined13 demeanor13 she13 is13 ldquotougher13 than13 I13 lookrdquo13 She13 certainly13 never13 suffers13 a13 fool13 And13 she13 will13 not13 be13 ldquohandledrdquo13 Lady13 Violet13 (if13 I13 may13 portray13 her13 with13 such13 familiarity)13 knows13 her13 own13 mind13 and13 she13 comes13 and13 goes13 as13 she13 pleases13 And13 wherever13 she13 goes13 she13 goes13 in13 splendid13 style13 as13 if13 she13 owns13 the13 place13 Which13 of13 course13 she13 once13 did

Lady13 Violet13 has13 seized13 her13 advanced13 age13 as13 a13 license13 not13 to13 please13 It13 doesnrsquot13 occur13 to13 her13 to13 mask13 her13 distaste13 or13 disapproval13 shersquos13 earned13 her13 opinions13 And13 one13 can13 only13 wonder13 what13 of13 lifersquos13 pain13 and13 disappointment13 and13 occasional13 cruelties13 she13 endured13 in13 the13 process

Her13 greatest13 desire13 is13 to13 stay13 at13 the13 center13 of13 the13 action13 (ldquoI13 hate13 Greek13 drama13 when13 everything13 happens13 off13 stagerdquo)13 She13 refuses13 to13 be13 rendered13 an13 invisible13 old13 lady13 even13 though13 the13 death13 of13 her13 husband13 has13 demoted13 her13 to13 a13 vestigial13 ldquodowagerrdquo13 Much13 like13 the13 discarded13 lover13 Alex13 Forrest13 in13 ldquoFatal13 Attractionrdquo13 Lady13 Violet13 refuses13 to13 be13 ignored13 With13 her13 last13 breath13 she13 will13 remain13 a13 central13 player13 in13 the13 Grantham13 family13 drama

And13 why13 not13 She13 is13 the13 most13 observant13 ndash13 and13 sensitive13 mdash13 of13 the13 entire13 lot13 It13 was13 Lady13 Violet13 who13 saw13 early13 on13 that13 Sybil13 had13 a13 hankering13 for13 the13 chauffeur13 She13 who13 saw13 that13 Mary13 was13 still13 in13 love13 with13 Matthew13 (ldquoI13 was13 watching13 her13 the13 other13 night13 when13 you13 spoke13 of13 your13 wedding13 She13 looked13 like13 Juliet13 on13 awakening13 in13 the13 tombrdquo)13 And13 she13 who13 saw13 that13 the13 ldquofallenrdquo13 servant13 Ethel13 Parks13 was13 suffering13 unnecessarily13 by13 staying13 on13 in13 Isobel13 Crawleyrsquos13 employ

Lady13 Violet13 is13 also13 the13 most13 politic13 of13 the13 lot13 She13 does13 not13 wear13 the13 trousers13 required13 to13 be13 direct13 about13 it13 so13 she13 presses13 and13 wields13 her13 inNluence13 behind-shy‐the-shy‐scenes13 Shersquos13 always13 strategizing13 Remember13 when13 she13 strong-shy‐armed13 the13 parochial13 village13 minister13 into13 marrying13 William13 and13 Daisy13 Or13 when13 she13 persuaded13 Dr13 Clarkson13 to13 tell13 Cora13 and13 Robert13 that13 Sybil13 would13 likely13 have13 died13 even13 if13 she13 had13 undergone13 a13 caesarean13 (ldquolsquoLiersquo13 is13 so13 unmusical13 a13 wordrdquo)13 Or13 when13 she13 surreptitiously13 sent13 Sybil13 and13 Tom13 the13 money13 to13 attend13 Mary13 and13 Matthewrsquos13 wedding

Her13 insight13 into13 human13 nature13 is13 Nine-shy‐tuned13 ldquoMy13 dear13 when13 tragedies13 strike13 we13 try13 to13 Nind13 someone13 to13 blame13 And13 in13 the13 absence13 of13 a13 suitable13 candidate13 we13 usually13 blame13 ourselvesrdquo13 And13 her13 commitment13 to13 getting13 things13 done13 unwavering13 If13 nothing13 else13 she13 is13 pragmatic13 ldquoI13 so13 seldom13 talk13 about13 matters13 of13 the13 heart13 because13 it13 is13 so13 seldom13 usefulrdquo13 she13 explains13 to13 William13

Lady13 Violet13 is13 a13 ldquoNixerrdquo13 And13 when13 she13 cannot13 claim13 victory13 she13 Ninds13 the13 spin13 When13 her13 new13 son-shy‐in-shy‐law13 the13 householdrsquos13 former13 chauffeur13 becomes13 a13 fait13 accompli13 she13 immediately13 begins13 to13 imagine13 how13 she13 can13 rebrand13 him13 as13 a13 journalist13 of13 notable13 relations13 Shersquos13 the13 ultimate13 domestic13 politician13 and13 one13 wonders13 what13 she13 could13 have13 accomplished13 if13 permitted13 into13 the13 public13 sphere

The13 irony13 is13 that13 today13 women13 do13 have13 access13 to13 the13 public13 sphere13 and13 we13 still13 demonstrate13 the13 need13 to13 please13 As13 far13 as13 women13 have13 come13 as13 talented13 as13 we13 have13 proven13 ourselves13 in13 the13 workplace13 we13 still13 have13 to13 deal13 with13 the13 Ninal13 cultural13 imperative13 for13 women13 likability13 Unlike13 Lady13 Violet13 we13 can13 earn13 our13 own13 money13 decide13 our13 own13 marriages13 (and13 divorces)13 and13 earn13 our13 own13 titles13 but13 we13 still13 have13 to13 be13 perceived13 as13 likable13

Research13 has13 shown13 that13 women13 in13 the13 workplace13 are13 expected13 to13 be13 likable13 and13 suffer13 a13 disadvantage13 if13 they13 are13 not13 perceived13 as13 such13 men13 who13 are13 not13 expected13 to13 be13 likable13 gain13 an13 advantage13 when13 they13 are13 perceived13 as13 such13 What13 would13 it13 be13 like13 if13 we13 did13 not13 have13 to13 monitor13 and13 temper13 our13 words13 our13 actions13 our13 accomplishments13 If13 we13 were13 ldquoambitious13 as13 we13 wanna13 berdquo13 If13 we13 spoke13 truth13 to13 power13 just13 as13 freely13 as13 Lady13 Violet

As13 the13 materfamilias13 of13 ldquoDownton13 Abbeyrdquorsquos13 Grantham13 clan13 Violet13 Dowager13 Countess13 of13 Grantham13 is13 the13 queen13 of13 the13 bon13 mot13 (search13 ldquoSht13 the13 Dowager13 Countess13 Saysrdquo13 on13 YouTube)13 and13 a13 beloved13 cranky13 granny13 to13 us13 all13 Even13 more13 shersquos13 the13 kind13 of13 woman13 we13 secretly13 long13 to13 be13 unbowed13 unfettered13 and13 uncensored

In13 more13 modern13 times13 she13 would13 be13 admired13 as13 ldquoan13 old13 broadrdquo13 After13 all13 despite13 her13 most13 reNined13 demeanor13 she13 is13 ldquotougher13 than13 I13 lookrdquo13 She13 certainly13 never13 suffers13 a13 fool13 And13 she13 will13 not13 be13 ldquohandledrdquo13 Lady13 Violet13 (if13 I13 may13 portray13 her13 with13 such13 familiarity)13 knows13 her13 own13 mind13 and13 she13 comes13 and13 goes13 as13 she13 pleases13 And13 wherever13 she13 goes13 she13 goes13 in13 splendid13 style13 as13 if13 she13 owns13 the13 place13 Which13 of13 course13 she13 once13 did

Lady13 Violet13 has13 seized13 her13 advanced13 age13 as13 a13 license13 not13 to13 please13 It13 doesnrsquot13 occur13 to13 her13 to13 mask13 her13 distaste13 or13 disapproval13 shersquos13 earned13 her13 opinions13 And13 one13 can13 only13 wonder13 what13 of13 lifersquos13 pain13 and13 disappointment13 and13 occasional13 cruelties13 she13 endured13 in13 the13 process

Her13 greatest13 desire13 is13 to13 stay13 at13 the13 center13 of13 the13 action13 (ldquoI13 hate13 Greek13 drama13 when13 everything13 happens13 off13 stagerdquo)13 She13 refuses13 to13 be13 rendered13 an13 invisible13 old13 lady13 even13 though13 the13 death13 of13 her13 husband13 has13 demoted13 her13 to13 a13 vestigial13 ldquodowagerrdquo13 Much13 like13 the13 discarded13 lover13 Alex13 Forrest13 in13 ldquoFatal13 Attractionrdquo13 Lady13 Violet13 refuses13 to13 be13 ignored13 With13 her13 last13 breath13 she13 will13 remain13 a13 central13 player13 in13 the13 Grantham13 family13 drama

And13 why13 not13 She13 is13 the13 most13 observant13 ndash13 and13 sensitive13 mdash13 of13 the13 entire13 lot13 It13 was13 Lady13 Violet13 who13 saw13 early13 on13 that13 Sybil13 had13 a13 hankering13 for13 the13 chauffeur13 She13 who13 saw13 that13 Mary13 was13 still13 in13 love13 with13 Matthew13 (ldquoI13 was13 watching13 her13 the13 other13 night13 when13 you13 spoke13 of13 your13 wedding13 She13 looked13 like13 Juliet13 on13 awakening13 in13 the13 tombrdquo)13 And13 she13 who13 saw13 that13 the13 ldquofallenrdquo13 servant13 Ethel13 Parks13 was13 suffering13 unnecessarily13 by13 staying13 on13 in13 Isobel13 Crawleyrsquos13 employ

Lady13 Violet13 is13 also13 the13 most13 politic13 of13 the13 lot13 She13 does13 not13 wear13 the13 trousers13 required13 to13 be13 direct13 about13 it13 so13 she13 presses13 and13 wields13 her13 inNluence13 behind-shy‐the-shy‐scenes13 Shersquos13 always13 strategizing13 Remember13 when13 she13 strong-shy‐armed13 the13 parochial13 village13 minister13 into13 marrying13 William13 and13 Daisy13 Or13 when13 she13 persuaded13 Dr13 Clarkson13 to13 tell13 Cora13 and13 Robert13 that13 Sybil13 would13 likely13 have13 died13 even13 if13 she13 had13 undergone13 a13 caesarean13 (ldquolsquoLiersquo13 is13 so13 unmusical13 a13 wordrdquo)13 Or13 when13 she13 surreptitiously13 sent13 Sybil13 and13 Tom13 the13 money13 to13 attend13 Mary13 and13 Matthewrsquos13 wedding

Her13 insight13 into13 human13 nature13 is13 Nine-shy‐tuned13 ldquoMy13 dear13 when13 tragedies13 strike13 we13 try13 to13 Nind13 someone13 to13 blame13 And13 in13 the13 absence13 of13 a13 suitable13 candidate13 we13 usually13 blame13 ourselvesrdquo13 And13 her13 commitment13 to13 getting13 things13 done13 unwavering13 If13 nothing13 else13 she13 is13 pragmatic13 ldquoI13 so13 seldom13 talk13 about13 matters13 of13 the13 heart13 because13 it13 is13 so13 seldom13 usefulrdquo13 she13 explains13 to13 William13

Lady13 Violet13 is13 a13 ldquoNixerrdquo13 And13 when13 she13 cannot13 claim13 victory13 she13 Ninds13 the13 spin13 When13 her13 new13 son-shy‐in-shy‐law13 the13 householdrsquos13 former13 chauffeur13 becomes13 a13 fait13 accompli13 she13 immediately13 begins13 to13 imagine13 how13 she13 can13 rebrand13 him13 as13 a13 journalist13 of13 notable13 relations13 Shersquos13 the13 ultimate13 domestic13 politician13 and13 one13 wonders13 what13 she13 could13 have13 accomplished13 if13 permitted13 into13 the13 public13 sphere

The13 irony13 is13 that13 today13 women13 do13 have13 access13 to13 the13 public13 sphere13 and13 we13 still13 demonstrate13 the13 need13 to13 please13 As13 far13 as13 women13 have13 come13 as13 talented13 as13 we13 have13 proven13 ourselves13 in13 the13 workplace13 we13 still13 have13 to13 deal13 with13 the13 Ninal13 cultural13 imperative13 for13 women13 likability13 Unlike13 Lady13 Violet13 we13 can13 earn13 our13 own13 money13 decide13 our13 own13 marriages13 (and13 divorces)13 and13 earn13 our13 own13 titles13 but13 we13 still13 have13 to13 be13 perceived13 as13 likable13

Research13 has13 shown13 that13 women13 in13 the13 workplace13 are13 expected13 to13 be13 likable13 and13 suffer13 a13 disadvantage13 if13 they13 are13 not13 perceived13 as13 such13 men13 who13 are13 not13 expected13 to13 be13 likable13 gain13 an13 advantage13 when13 they13 are13 perceived13 as13 such13 What13 would13 it13 be13 like13 if13 we13 did13 not13 have13 to13 monitor13 and13 temper13 our13 words13 our13 actions13 our13 accomplishments13 If13 we13 were13 ldquoambitious13 as13 we13 wanna13 berdquo13 If13 we13 spoke13 truth13 to13 power13 just13 as13 freely13 as13 Lady13 Violet

In13 more13 modern13 times13 she13 would13 be13 admired13 as13 ldquoan13 old13 broadrdquo13 After13 all13 despite13 her13 most13 reNined13 demeanor13 she13 is13 ldquotougher13 than13 I13 lookrdquo13 She13 certainly13 never13 suffers13 a13 fool13 And13 she13 will13 not13 be13 ldquohandledrdquo13 Lady13 Violet13 (if13 I13 may13 portray13 her13 with13 such13 familiarity)13 knows13 her13 own13 mind13 and13 she13 comes13 and13 goes13 as13 she13 pleases13 And13 wherever13 she13 goes13 she13 goes13 in13 splendid13 style13 as13 if13 she13 owns13 the13 place13 Which13 of13 course13 she13 once13 did

Lady13 Violet13 has13 seized13 her13 advanced13 age13 as13 a13 license13 not13 to13 please13 It13 doesnrsquot13 occur13 to13 her13 to13 mask13 her13 distaste13 or13 disapproval13 shersquos13 earned13 her13 opinions13 And13 one13 can13 only13 wonder13 what13 of13 lifersquos13 pain13 and13 disappointment13 and13 occasional13 cruelties13 she13 endured13 in13 the13 process

Her13 greatest13 desire13 is13 to13 stay13 at13 the13 center13 of13 the13 action13 (ldquoI13 hate13 Greek13 drama13 when13 everything13 happens13 off13 stagerdquo)13 She13 refuses13 to13 be13 rendered13 an13 invisible13 old13 lady13 even13 though13 the13 death13 of13 her13 husband13 has13 demoted13 her13 to13 a13 vestigial13 ldquodowagerrdquo13 Much13 like13 the13 discarded13 lover13 Alex13 Forrest13 in13 ldquoFatal13 Attractionrdquo13 Lady13 Violet13 refuses13 to13 be13 ignored13 With13 her13 last13 breath13 she13 will13 remain13 a13 central13 player13 in13 the13 Grantham13 family13 drama

And13 why13 not13 She13 is13 the13 most13 observant13 ndash13 and13 sensitive13 mdash13 of13 the13 entire13 lot13 It13 was13 Lady13 Violet13 who13 saw13 early13 on13 that13 Sybil13 had13 a13 hankering13 for13 the13 chauffeur13 She13 who13 saw13 that13 Mary13 was13 still13 in13 love13 with13 Matthew13 (ldquoI13 was13 watching13 her13 the13 other13 night13 when13 you13 spoke13 of13 your13 wedding13 She13 looked13 like13 Juliet13 on13 awakening13 in13 the13 tombrdquo)13 And13 she13 who13 saw13 that13 the13 ldquofallenrdquo13 servant13 Ethel13 Parks13 was13 suffering13 unnecessarily13 by13 staying13 on13 in13 Isobel13 Crawleyrsquos13 employ

Lady13 Violet13 is13 also13 the13 most13 politic13 of13 the13 lot13 She13 does13 not13 wear13 the13 trousers13 required13 to13 be13 direct13 about13 it13 so13 she13 presses13 and13 wields13 her13 inNluence13 behind-shy‐the-shy‐scenes13 Shersquos13 always13 strategizing13 Remember13 when13 she13 strong-shy‐armed13 the13 parochial13 village13 minister13 into13 marrying13 William13 and13 Daisy13 Or13 when13 she13 persuaded13 Dr13 Clarkson13 to13 tell13 Cora13 and13 Robert13 that13 Sybil13 would13 likely13 have13 died13 even13 if13 she13 had13 undergone13 a13 caesarean13 (ldquolsquoLiersquo13 is13 so13 unmusical13 a13 wordrdquo)13 Or13 when13 she13 surreptitiously13 sent13 Sybil13 and13 Tom13 the13 money13 to13 attend13 Mary13 and13 Matthewrsquos13 wedding

Her13 insight13 into13 human13 nature13 is13 Nine-shy‐tuned13 ldquoMy13 dear13 when13 tragedies13 strike13 we13 try13 to13 Nind13 someone13 to13 blame13 And13 in13 the13 absence13 of13 a13 suitable13 candidate13 we13 usually13 blame13 ourselvesrdquo13 And13 her13 commitment13 to13 getting13 things13 done13 unwavering13 If13 nothing13 else13 she13 is13 pragmatic13 ldquoI13 so13 seldom13 talk13 about13 matters13 of13 the13 heart13 because13 it13 is13 so13 seldom13 usefulrdquo13 she13 explains13 to13 William13

Lady13 Violet13 is13 a13 ldquoNixerrdquo13 And13 when13 she13 cannot13 claim13 victory13 she13 Ninds13 the13 spin13 When13 her13 new13 son-shy‐in-shy‐law13 the13 householdrsquos13 former13 chauffeur13 becomes13 a13 fait13 accompli13 she13 immediately13 begins13 to13 imagine13 how13 she13 can13 rebrand13 him13 as13 a13 journalist13 of13 notable13 relations13 Shersquos13 the13 ultimate13 domestic13 politician13 and13 one13 wonders13 what13 she13 could13 have13 accomplished13 if13 permitted13 into13 the13 public13 sphere

The13 irony13 is13 that13 today13 women13 do13 have13 access13 to13 the13 public13 sphere13 and13 we13 still13 demonstrate13 the13 need13 to13 please13 As13 far13 as13 women13 have13 come13 as13 talented13 as13 we13 have13 proven13 ourselves13 in13 the13 workplace13 we13 still13 have13 to13 deal13 with13 the13 Ninal13 cultural13 imperative13 for13 women13 likability13 Unlike13 Lady13 Violet13 we13 can13 earn13 our13 own13 money13 decide13 our13 own13 marriages13 (and13 divorces)13 and13 earn13 our13 own13 titles13 but13 we13 still13 have13 to13 be13 perceived13 as13 likable13

Research13 has13 shown13 that13 women13 in13 the13 workplace13 are13 expected13 to13 be13 likable13 and13 suffer13 a13 disadvantage13 if13 they13 are13 not13 perceived13 as13 such13 men13 who13 are13 not13 expected13 to13 be13 likable13 gain13 an13 advantage13 when13 they13 are13 perceived13 as13 such13 What13 would13 it13 be13 like13 if13 we13 did13 not13 have13 to13 monitor13 and13 temper13 our13 words13 our13 actions13 our13 accomplishments13 If13 we13 were13 ldquoambitious13 as13 we13 wanna13 berdquo13 If13 we13 spoke13 truth13 to13 power13 just13 as13 freely13 as13 Lady13 Violet

Lady13 Violet13 has13 seized13 her13 advanced13 age13 as13 a13 license13 not13 to13 please13 It13 doesnrsquot13 occur13 to13 her13 to13 mask13 her13 distaste13 or13 disapproval13 shersquos13 earned13 her13 opinions13 And13 one13 can13 only13 wonder13 what13 of13 lifersquos13 pain13 and13 disappointment13 and13 occasional13 cruelties13 she13 endured13 in13 the13 process

Her13 greatest13 desire13 is13 to13 stay13 at13 the13 center13 of13 the13 action13 (ldquoI13 hate13 Greek13 drama13 when13 everything13 happens13 off13 stagerdquo)13 She13 refuses13 to13 be13 rendered13 an13 invisible13 old13 lady13 even13 though13 the13 death13 of13 her13 husband13 has13 demoted13 her13 to13 a13 vestigial13 ldquodowagerrdquo13 Much13 like13 the13 discarded13 lover13 Alex13 Forrest13 in13 ldquoFatal13 Attractionrdquo13 Lady13 Violet13 refuses13 to13 be13 ignored13 With13 her13 last13 breath13 she13 will13 remain13 a13 central13 player13 in13 the13 Grantham13 family13 drama

And13 why13 not13 She13 is13 the13 most13 observant13 ndash13 and13 sensitive13 mdash13 of13 the13 entire13 lot13 It13 was13 Lady13 Violet13 who13 saw13 early13 on13 that13 Sybil13 had13 a13 hankering13 for13 the13 chauffeur13 She13 who13 saw13 that13 Mary13 was13 still13 in13 love13 with13 Matthew13 (ldquoI13 was13 watching13 her13 the13 other13 night13 when13 you13 spoke13 of13 your13 wedding13 She13 looked13 like13 Juliet13 on13 awakening13 in13 the13 tombrdquo)13 And13 she13 who13 saw13 that13 the13 ldquofallenrdquo13 servant13 Ethel13 Parks13 was13 suffering13 unnecessarily13 by13 staying13 on13 in13 Isobel13 Crawleyrsquos13 employ

Lady13 Violet13 is13 also13 the13 most13 politic13 of13 the13 lot13 She13 does13 not13 wear13 the13 trousers13 required13 to13 be13 direct13 about13 it13 so13 she13 presses13 and13 wields13 her13 inNluence13 behind-shy‐the-shy‐scenes13 Shersquos13 always13 strategizing13 Remember13 when13 she13 strong-shy‐armed13 the13 parochial13 village13 minister13 into13 marrying13 William13 and13 Daisy13 Or13 when13 she13 persuaded13 Dr13 Clarkson13 to13 tell13 Cora13 and13 Robert13 that13 Sybil13 would13 likely13 have13 died13 even13 if13 she13 had13 undergone13 a13 caesarean13 (ldquolsquoLiersquo13 is13 so13 unmusical13 a13 wordrdquo)13 Or13 when13 she13 surreptitiously13 sent13 Sybil13 and13 Tom13 the13 money13 to13 attend13 Mary13 and13 Matthewrsquos13 wedding

Her13 insight13 into13 human13 nature13 is13 Nine-shy‐tuned13 ldquoMy13 dear13 when13 tragedies13 strike13 we13 try13 to13 Nind13 someone13 to13 blame13 And13 in13 the13 absence13 of13 a13 suitable13 candidate13 we13 usually13 blame13 ourselvesrdquo13 And13 her13 commitment13 to13 getting13 things13 done13 unwavering13 If13 nothing13 else13 she13 is13 pragmatic13 ldquoI13 so13 seldom13 talk13 about13 matters13 of13 the13 heart13 because13 it13 is13 so13 seldom13 usefulrdquo13 she13 explains13 to13 William13

Lady13 Violet13 is13 a13 ldquoNixerrdquo13 And13 when13 she13 cannot13 claim13 victory13 she13 Ninds13 the13 spin13 When13 her13 new13 son-shy‐in-shy‐law13 the13 householdrsquos13 former13 chauffeur13 becomes13 a13 fait13 accompli13 she13 immediately13 begins13 to13 imagine13 how13 she13 can13 rebrand13 him13 as13 a13 journalist13 of13 notable13 relations13 Shersquos13 the13 ultimate13 domestic13 politician13 and13 one13 wonders13 what13 she13 could13 have13 accomplished13 if13 permitted13 into13 the13 public13 sphere

The13 irony13 is13 that13 today13 women13 do13 have13 access13 to13 the13 public13 sphere13 and13 we13 still13 demonstrate13 the13 need13 to13 please13 As13 far13 as13 women13 have13 come13 as13 talented13 as13 we13 have13 proven13 ourselves13 in13 the13 workplace13 we13 still13 have13 to13 deal13 with13 the13 Ninal13 cultural13 imperative13 for13 women13 likability13 Unlike13 Lady13 Violet13 we13 can13 earn13 our13 own13 money13 decide13 our13 own13 marriages13 (and13 divorces)13 and13 earn13 our13 own13 titles13 but13 we13 still13 have13 to13 be13 perceived13 as13 likable13

Research13 has13 shown13 that13 women13 in13 the13 workplace13 are13 expected13 to13 be13 likable13 and13 suffer13 a13 disadvantage13 if13 they13 are13 not13 perceived13 as13 such13 men13 who13 are13 not13 expected13 to13 be13 likable13 gain13 an13 advantage13 when13 they13 are13 perceived13 as13 such13 What13 would13 it13 be13 like13 if13 we13 did13 not13 have13 to13 monitor13 and13 temper13 our13 words13 our13 actions13 our13 accomplishments13 If13 we13 were13 ldquoambitious13 as13 we13 wanna13 berdquo13 If13 we13 spoke13 truth13 to13 power13 just13 as13 freely13 as13 Lady13 Violet

Her13 greatest13 desire13 is13 to13 stay13 at13 the13 center13 of13 the13 action13 (ldquoI13 hate13 Greek13 drama13 when13 everything13 happens13 off13 stagerdquo)13 She13 refuses13 to13 be13 rendered13 an13 invisible13 old13 lady13 even13 though13 the13 death13 of13 her13 husband13 has13 demoted13 her13 to13 a13 vestigial13 ldquodowagerrdquo13 Much13 like13 the13 discarded13 lover13 Alex13 Forrest13 in13 ldquoFatal13 Attractionrdquo13 Lady13 Violet13 refuses13 to13 be13 ignored13 With13 her13 last13 breath13 she13 will13 remain13 a13 central13 player13 in13 the13 Grantham13 family13 drama

And13 why13 not13 She13 is13 the13 most13 observant13 ndash13 and13 sensitive13 mdash13 of13 the13 entire13 lot13 It13 was13 Lady13 Violet13 who13 saw13 early13 on13 that13 Sybil13 had13 a13 hankering13 for13 the13 chauffeur13 She13 who13 saw13 that13 Mary13 was13 still13 in13 love13 with13 Matthew13 (ldquoI13 was13 watching13 her13 the13 other13 night13 when13 you13 spoke13 of13 your13 wedding13 She13 looked13 like13 Juliet13 on13 awakening13 in13 the13 tombrdquo)13 And13 she13 who13 saw13 that13 the13 ldquofallenrdquo13 servant13 Ethel13 Parks13 was13 suffering13 unnecessarily13 by13 staying13 on13 in13 Isobel13 Crawleyrsquos13 employ

Lady13 Violet13 is13 also13 the13 most13 politic13 of13 the13 lot13 She13 does13 not13 wear13 the13 trousers13 required13 to13 be13 direct13 about13 it13 so13 she13 presses13 and13 wields13 her13 inNluence13 behind-shy‐the-shy‐scenes13 Shersquos13 always13 strategizing13 Remember13 when13 she13 strong-shy‐armed13 the13 parochial13 village13 minister13 into13 marrying13 William13 and13 Daisy13 Or13 when13 she13 persuaded13 Dr13 Clarkson13 to13 tell13 Cora13 and13 Robert13 that13 Sybil13 would13 likely13 have13 died13 even13 if13 she13 had13 undergone13 a13 caesarean13 (ldquolsquoLiersquo13 is13 so13 unmusical13 a13 wordrdquo)13 Or13 when13 she13 surreptitiously13 sent13 Sybil13 and13 Tom13 the13 money13 to13 attend13 Mary13 and13 Matthewrsquos13 wedding

Her13 insight13 into13 human13 nature13 is13 Nine-shy‐tuned13 ldquoMy13 dear13 when13 tragedies13 strike13 we13 try13 to13 Nind13 someone13 to13 blame13 And13 in13 the13 absence13 of13 a13 suitable13 candidate13 we13 usually13 blame13 ourselvesrdquo13 And13 her13 commitment13 to13 getting13 things13 done13 unwavering13 If13 nothing13 else13 she13 is13 pragmatic13 ldquoI13 so13 seldom13 talk13 about13 matters13 of13 the13 heart13 because13 it13 is13 so13 seldom13 usefulrdquo13 she13 explains13 to13 William13

Lady13 Violet13 is13 a13 ldquoNixerrdquo13 And13 when13 she13 cannot13 claim13 victory13 she13 Ninds13 the13 spin13 When13 her13 new13 son-shy‐in-shy‐law13 the13 householdrsquos13 former13 chauffeur13 becomes13 a13 fait13 accompli13 she13 immediately13 begins13 to13 imagine13 how13 she13 can13 rebrand13 him13 as13 a13 journalist13 of13 notable13 relations13 Shersquos13 the13 ultimate13 domestic13 politician13 and13 one13 wonders13 what13 she13 could13 have13 accomplished13 if13 permitted13 into13 the13 public13 sphere

The13 irony13 is13 that13 today13 women13 do13 have13 access13 to13 the13 public13 sphere13 and13 we13 still13 demonstrate13 the13 need13 to13 please13 As13 far13 as13 women13 have13 come13 as13 talented13 as13 we13 have13 proven13 ourselves13 in13 the13 workplace13 we13 still13 have13 to13 deal13 with13 the13 Ninal13 cultural13 imperative13 for13 women13 likability13 Unlike13 Lady13 Violet13 we13 can13 earn13 our13 own13 money13 decide13 our13 own13 marriages13 (and13 divorces)13 and13 earn13 our13 own13 titles13 but13 we13 still13 have13 to13 be13 perceived13 as13 likable13

Research13 has13 shown13 that13 women13 in13 the13 workplace13 are13 expected13 to13 be13 likable13 and13 suffer13 a13 disadvantage13 if13 they13 are13 not13 perceived13 as13 such13 men13 who13 are13 not13 expected13 to13 be13 likable13 gain13 an13 advantage13 when13 they13 are13 perceived13 as13 such13 What13 would13 it13 be13 like13 if13 we13 did13 not13 have13 to13 monitor13 and13 temper13 our13 words13 our13 actions13 our13 accomplishments13 If13 we13 were13 ldquoambitious13 as13 we13 wanna13 berdquo13 If13 we13 spoke13 truth13 to13 power13 just13 as13 freely13 as13 Lady13 Violet

And13 why13 not13 She13 is13 the13 most13 observant13 ndash13 and13 sensitive13 mdash13 of13 the13 entire13 lot13 It13 was13 Lady13 Violet13 who13 saw13 early13 on13 that13 Sybil13 had13 a13 hankering13 for13 the13 chauffeur13 She13 who13 saw13 that13 Mary13 was13 still13 in13 love13 with13 Matthew13 (ldquoI13 was13 watching13 her13 the13 other13 night13 when13 you13 spoke13 of13 your13 wedding13 She13 looked13 like13 Juliet13 on13 awakening13 in13 the13 tombrdquo)13 And13 she13 who13 saw13 that13 the13 ldquofallenrdquo13 servant13 Ethel13 Parks13 was13 suffering13 unnecessarily13 by13 staying13 on13 in13 Isobel13 Crawleyrsquos13 employ

Lady13 Violet13 is13 also13 the13 most13 politic13 of13 the13 lot13 She13 does13 not13 wear13 the13 trousers13 required13 to13 be13 direct13 about13 it13 so13 she13 presses13 and13 wields13 her13 inNluence13 behind-shy‐the-shy‐scenes13 Shersquos13 always13 strategizing13 Remember13 when13 she13 strong-shy‐armed13 the13 parochial13 village13 minister13 into13 marrying13 William13 and13 Daisy13 Or13 when13 she13 persuaded13 Dr13 Clarkson13 to13 tell13 Cora13 and13 Robert13 that13 Sybil13 would13 likely13 have13 died13 even13 if13 she13 had13 undergone13 a13 caesarean13 (ldquolsquoLiersquo13 is13 so13 unmusical13 a13 wordrdquo)13 Or13 when13 she13 surreptitiously13 sent13 Sybil13 and13 Tom13 the13 money13 to13 attend13 Mary13 and13 Matthewrsquos13 wedding

Her13 insight13 into13 human13 nature13 is13 Nine-shy‐tuned13 ldquoMy13 dear13 when13 tragedies13 strike13 we13 try13 to13 Nind13 someone13 to13 blame13 And13 in13 the13 absence13 of13 a13 suitable13 candidate13 we13 usually13 blame13 ourselvesrdquo13 And13 her13 commitment13 to13 getting13 things13 done13 unwavering13 If13 nothing13 else13 she13 is13 pragmatic13 ldquoI13 so13 seldom13 talk13 about13 matters13 of13 the13 heart13 because13 it13 is13 so13 seldom13 usefulrdquo13 she13 explains13 to13 William13

Lady13 Violet13 is13 a13 ldquoNixerrdquo13 And13 when13 she13 cannot13 claim13 victory13 she13 Ninds13 the13 spin13 When13 her13 new13 son-shy‐in-shy‐law13 the13 householdrsquos13 former13 chauffeur13 becomes13 a13 fait13 accompli13 she13 immediately13 begins13 to13 imagine13 how13 she13 can13 rebrand13 him13 as13 a13 journalist13 of13 notable13 relations13 Shersquos13 the13 ultimate13 domestic13 politician13 and13 one13 wonders13 what13 she13 could13 have13 accomplished13 if13 permitted13 into13 the13 public13 sphere

The13 irony13 is13 that13 today13 women13 do13 have13 access13 to13 the13 public13 sphere13 and13 we13 still13 demonstrate13 the13 need13 to13 please13 As13 far13 as13 women13 have13 come13 as13 talented13 as13 we13 have13 proven13 ourselves13 in13 the13 workplace13 we13 still13 have13 to13 deal13 with13 the13 Ninal13 cultural13 imperative13 for13 women13 likability13 Unlike13 Lady13 Violet13 we13 can13 earn13 our13 own13 money13 decide13 our13 own13 marriages13 (and13 divorces)13 and13 earn13 our13 own13 titles13 but13 we13 still13 have13 to13 be13 perceived13 as13 likable13

Research13 has13 shown13 that13 women13 in13 the13 workplace13 are13 expected13 to13 be13 likable13 and13 suffer13 a13 disadvantage13 if13 they13 are13 not13 perceived13 as13 such13 men13 who13 are13 not13 expected13 to13 be13 likable13 gain13 an13 advantage13 when13 they13 are13 perceived13 as13 such13 What13 would13 it13 be13 like13 if13 we13 did13 not13 have13 to13 monitor13 and13 temper13 our13 words13 our13 actions13 our13 accomplishments13 If13 we13 were13 ldquoambitious13 as13 we13 wanna13 berdquo13 If13 we13 spoke13 truth13 to13 power13 just13 as13 freely13 as13 Lady13 Violet

Lady13 Violet13 is13 also13 the13 most13 politic13 of13 the13 lot13 She13 does13 not13 wear13 the13 trousers13 required13 to13 be13 direct13 about13 it13 so13 she13 presses13 and13 wields13 her13 inNluence13 behind-shy‐the-shy‐scenes13 Shersquos13 always13 strategizing13 Remember13 when13 she13 strong-shy‐armed13 the13 parochial13 village13 minister13 into13 marrying13 William13 and13 Daisy13 Or13 when13 she13 persuaded13 Dr13 Clarkson13 to13 tell13 Cora13 and13 Robert13 that13 Sybil13 would13 likely13 have13 died13 even13 if13 she13 had13 undergone13 a13 caesarean13 (ldquolsquoLiersquo13 is13 so13 unmusical13 a13 wordrdquo)13 Or13 when13 she13 surreptitiously13 sent13 Sybil13 and13 Tom13 the13 money13 to13 attend13 Mary13 and13 Matthewrsquos13 wedding

Her13 insight13 into13 human13 nature13 is13 Nine-shy‐tuned13 ldquoMy13 dear13 when13 tragedies13 strike13 we13 try13 to13 Nind13 someone13 to13 blame13 And13 in13 the13 absence13 of13 a13 suitable13 candidate13 we13 usually13 blame13 ourselvesrdquo13 And13 her13 commitment13 to13 getting13 things13 done13 unwavering13 If13 nothing13 else13 she13 is13 pragmatic13 ldquoI13 so13 seldom13 talk13 about13 matters13 of13 the13 heart13 because13 it13 is13 so13 seldom13 usefulrdquo13 she13 explains13 to13 William13

Lady13 Violet13 is13 a13 ldquoNixerrdquo13 And13 when13 she13 cannot13 claim13 victory13 she13 Ninds13 the13 spin13 When13 her13 new13 son-shy‐in-shy‐law13 the13 householdrsquos13 former13 chauffeur13 becomes13 a13 fait13 accompli13 she13 immediately13 begins13 to13 imagine13 how13 she13 can13 rebrand13 him13 as13 a13 journalist13 of13 notable13 relations13 Shersquos13 the13 ultimate13 domestic13 politician13 and13 one13 wonders13 what13 she13 could13 have13 accomplished13 if13 permitted13 into13 the13 public13 sphere

The13 irony13 is13 that13 today13 women13 do13 have13 access13 to13 the13 public13 sphere13 and13 we13 still13 demonstrate13 the13 need13 to13 please13 As13 far13 as13 women13 have13 come13 as13 talented13 as13 we13 have13 proven13 ourselves13 in13 the13 workplace13 we13 still13 have13 to13 deal13 with13 the13 Ninal13 cultural13 imperative13 for13 women13 likability13 Unlike13 Lady13 Violet13 we13 can13 earn13 our13 own13 money13 decide13 our13 own13 marriages13 (and13 divorces)13 and13 earn13 our13 own13 titles13 but13 we13 still13 have13 to13 be13 perceived13 as13 likable13

Research13 has13 shown13 that13 women13 in13 the13 workplace13 are13 expected13 to13 be13 likable13 and13 suffer13 a13 disadvantage13 if13 they13 are13 not13 perceived13 as13 such13 men13 who13 are13 not13 expected13 to13 be13 likable13 gain13 an13 advantage13 when13 they13 are13 perceived13 as13 such13 What13 would13 it13 be13 like13 if13 we13 did13 not13 have13 to13 monitor13 and13 temper13 our13 words13 our13 actions13 our13 accomplishments13 If13 we13 were13 ldquoambitious13 as13 we13 wanna13 berdquo13 If13 we13 spoke13 truth13 to13 power13 just13 as13 freely13 as13 Lady13 Violet

Her13 insight13 into13 human13 nature13 is13 Nine-shy‐tuned13 ldquoMy13 dear13 when13 tragedies13 strike13 we13 try13 to13 Nind13 someone13 to13 blame13 And13 in13 the13 absence13 of13 a13 suitable13 candidate13 we13 usually13 blame13 ourselvesrdquo13 And13 her13 commitment13 to13 getting13 things13 done13 unwavering13 If13 nothing13 else13 she13 is13 pragmatic13 ldquoI13 so13 seldom13 talk13 about13 matters13 of13 the13 heart13 because13 it13 is13 so13 seldom13 usefulrdquo13 she13 explains13 to13 William13

Lady13 Violet13 is13 a13 ldquoNixerrdquo13 And13 when13 she13 cannot13 claim13 victory13 she13 Ninds13 the13 spin13 When13 her13 new13 son-shy‐in-shy‐law13 the13 householdrsquos13 former13 chauffeur13 becomes13 a13 fait13 accompli13 she13 immediately13 begins13 to13 imagine13 how13 she13 can13 rebrand13 him13 as13 a13 journalist13 of13 notable13 relations13 Shersquos13 the13 ultimate13 domestic13 politician13 and13 one13 wonders13 what13 she13 could13 have13 accomplished13 if13 permitted13 into13 the13 public13 sphere

The13 irony13 is13 that13 today13 women13 do13 have13 access13 to13 the13 public13 sphere13 and13 we13 still13 demonstrate13 the13 need13 to13 please13 As13 far13 as13 women13 have13 come13 as13 talented13 as13 we13 have13 proven13 ourselves13 in13 the13 workplace13 we13 still13 have13 to13 deal13 with13 the13 Ninal13 cultural13 imperative13 for13 women13 likability13 Unlike13 Lady13 Violet13 we13 can13 earn13 our13 own13 money13 decide13 our13 own13 marriages13 (and13 divorces)13 and13 earn13 our13 own13 titles13 but13 we13 still13 have13 to13 be13 perceived13 as13 likable13

Research13 has13 shown13 that13 women13 in13 the13 workplace13 are13 expected13 to13 be13 likable13 and13 suffer13 a13 disadvantage13 if13 they13 are13 not13 perceived13 as13 such13 men13 who13 are13 not13 expected13 to13 be13 likable13 gain13 an13 advantage13 when13 they13 are13 perceived13 as13 such13 What13 would13 it13 be13 like13 if13 we13 did13 not13 have13 to13 monitor13 and13 temper13 our13 words13 our13 actions13 our13 accomplishments13 If13 we13 were13 ldquoambitious13 as13 we13 wanna13 berdquo13 If13 we13 spoke13 truth13 to13 power13 just13 as13 freely13 as13 Lady13 Violet

Lady13 Violet13 is13 a13 ldquoNixerrdquo13 And13 when13 she13 cannot13 claim13 victory13 she13 Ninds13 the13 spin13 When13 her13 new13 son-shy‐in-shy‐law13 the13 householdrsquos13 former13 chauffeur13 becomes13 a13 fait13 accompli13 she13 immediately13 begins13 to13 imagine13 how13 she13 can13 rebrand13 him13 as13 a13 journalist13 of13 notable13 relations13 Shersquos13 the13 ultimate13 domestic13 politician13 and13 one13 wonders13 what13 she13 could13 have13 accomplished13 if13 permitted13 into13 the13 public13 sphere

The13 irony13 is13 that13 today13 women13 do13 have13 access13 to13 the13 public13 sphere13 and13 we13 still13 demonstrate13 the13 need13 to13 please13 As13 far13 as13 women13 have13 come13 as13 talented13 as13 we13 have13 proven13 ourselves13 in13 the13 workplace13 we13 still13 have13 to13 deal13 with13 the13 Ninal13 cultural13 imperative13 for13 women13 likability13 Unlike13 Lady13 Violet13 we13 can13 earn13 our13 own13 money13 decide13 our13 own13 marriages13 (and13 divorces)13 and13 earn13 our13 own13 titles13 but13 we13 still13 have13 to13 be13 perceived13 as13 likable13

Research13 has13 shown13 that13 women13 in13 the13 workplace13 are13 expected13 to13 be13 likable13 and13 suffer13 a13 disadvantage13 if13 they13 are13 not13 perceived13 as13 such13 men13 who13 are13 not13 expected13 to13 be13 likable13 gain13 an13 advantage13 when13 they13 are13 perceived13 as13 such13 What13 would13 it13 be13 like13 if13 we13 did13 not13 have13 to13 monitor13 and13 temper13 our13 words13 our13 actions13 our13 accomplishments13 If13 we13 were13 ldquoambitious13 as13 we13 wanna13 berdquo13 If13 we13 spoke13 truth13 to13 power13 just13 as13 freely13 as13 Lady13 Violet

The13 irony13 is13 that13 today13 women13 do13 have13 access13 to13 the13 public13 sphere13 and13 we13 still13 demonstrate13 the13 need13 to13 please13 As13 far13 as13 women13 have13 come13 as13 talented13 as13 we13 have13 proven13 ourselves13 in13 the13 workplace13 we13 still13 have13 to13 deal13 with13 the13 Ninal13 cultural13 imperative13 for13 women13 likability13 Unlike13 Lady13 Violet13 we13 can13 earn13 our13 own13 money13 decide13 our13 own13 marriages13 (and13 divorces)13 and13 earn13 our13 own13 titles13 but13 we13 still13 have13 to13 be13 perceived13 as13 likable13

Research13 has13 shown13 that13 women13 in13 the13 workplace13 are13 expected13 to13 be13 likable13 and13 suffer13 a13 disadvantage13 if13 they13 are13 not13 perceived13 as13 such13 men13 who13 are13 not13 expected13 to13 be13 likable13 gain13 an13 advantage13 when13 they13 are13 perceived13 as13 such13 What13 would13 it13 be13 like13 if13 we13 did13 not13 have13 to13 monitor13 and13 temper13 our13 words13 our13 actions13 our13 accomplishments13 If13 we13 were13 ldquoambitious13 as13 we13 wanna13 berdquo13 If13 we13 spoke13 truth13 to13 power13 just13 as13 freely13 as13 Lady13 Violet

Research13 has13 shown13 that13 women13 in13 the13 workplace13 are13 expected13 to13 be13 likable13 and13 suffer13 a13 disadvantage13 if13 they13 are13 not13 perceived13 as13 such13 men13 who13 are13 not13 expected13 to13 be13 likable13 gain13 an13 advantage13 when13 they13 are13 perceived13 as13 such13 What13 would13 it13 be13 like13 if13 we13 did13 not13 have13 to13 monitor13 and13 temper13 our13 words13 our13 actions13 our13 accomplishments13 If13 we13 were13 ldquoambitious13 as13 we13 wanna13 berdquo13 If13 we13 spoke13 truth13 to13 power13 just13 as13 freely13 as13 Lady13 Violet

Beware13 ldquoDownton13 Abbeyrdquo13 writers13 just13 in13 case13 yoursquore13 harboring13 any13 intimations13 of13 mortality13 for13 the13 dear13 old13 girl13 The13 Countess13 Dowager13 will13 not13 go13 tragically13 like13 Sybil13 She13 will13 not13 go13 unwittingly13 like13 Matthew13 And13 she13 certainly13 will13 not13 go13 gentle

Ann13 Daly13 PhD13 is13 a13 personal13 and13 executive13 coach13 for13 women13 She13 blogs13 at13 AnnDalycom13 and13 WomenAdvancecom