Violet Moon

A short story by

Rikard Magnom

Written 2011 under Creative Commons licence

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Preface

Before I say anything I, the author, would like to thank anyone who is reading this, and I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing this. I'm happy that this story actually came to be, since I lost a major part of it at one time due to a corrupted file. I would like to thank a big role model of mine, who prefers to be anonymous, for helping me in troubled times. He was my inspiration to write this, and I hope that he enjoys reading this as much as anyone else.

I would also like to add that I will not put a copyright licence on this, and you may alter and redistribute as you like, but I would not like to publicly publish this or earn any revenue off of this and neither are you allowed to. Thank you.

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Prologue

I could hear the screeching of the tires.

“This is it.”, I thought. This is the last chapter of the story of my life. I could feel the impact to my chest as the front of the car slammed into me. I could hear screams, even though they were nullified by the urban city sounds, I could hear people shouting my name. I could hear the sounds of disappointment in their voices. All of this was my own fault. Distraction can lead to a lot of accidents, and this was only one of them. I tried to move my body, but I couldn’t. I was in a state of physical coma.

“What gives, anyway? Its not like anyone would care that I’m gone.” I thought. I actually wished that all of this could end now in this instant.

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I – Despair______________ My childhood was horrific. When I was 2 years old, both my mother and my father died in a car crash. I was put in a foster family. I wasn’t much of a people’s person, and I never got along with anyone. I was being made fun of for several reasons. Seeing as I rarely spoke to anyone, people started making up rumours about me. Among these were that I was autistic, a freak. I pretended I didn’t care, but those words cut scars on the inside of me.

“Time heals every wound.” is what they all say.

"It gets better" they try and convince me. That was definitely not the case for me. As time went on, it just got worse and worse. My foster family was very big, and I had to share my room with two others; Michael and Thomas, but their names aren't that important. They were both very much into sports, while I didn’t want any of it.

Michael despised me. He had the idea that every kid should be outside and play games and sports and such.

Thomas didn’t really care about me, nor did he even notice me at times. He was about my age, but still younger then Michael, so Michael turned into his role model, and he followed his every step.

My foster parents weren’t that good either. My mother and my father never really caught a liking to me. Seeing as I was the one who was always shoved away by the other kids, they barely

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noticed me. I sort of liked it that way, but obviously I still knew in my head that I wasn’t getting the childhood I deserved. I felt like a zit on a perfect face. I felt like somewhere there was a place in this world for me, but this was definitely not it.

School didn’t go much better then the rest of my everyday life. I wasn’t doing very well in school, nor did I have any friends. I wasn’t getting any special attention, even though I just barely kept up with everyone else. Did I care? Not really. My life was already going down the drain, why would I bother with something that wouldn’t lead to anything.

In my mind I didn’t have any future. I didn’t have any place in the world anywhere close to where I was currently situated. If this was the place for me, I was put in the wrong dimension. The feel, the smell, the sensation of my life made me feel like this world wasn’t the right place for me.

And me? I’m surprised you’re even wondering. My name is Cody. Cody Adamson. Those words rarely touch my ears. I am knows to everyone else as “Kid”, or “Hey, you there!” I wasn’t your everyday average school kid. I didn’t belong here. I was a lost soul put in the wrong body. At least that’s what I thought at the time. Before I knew what hit me, my life was about to come to a complete stop, and suddenly change direction. I was right from the very beginning. My place was in another world. Someone out there somewhere messed up. That mistake was about to be corrected.

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II – Deviant_____________

I regained some control of my body. I could move my fingers, toes; most importantly I could finally open my eyes. I saw paramedics trying to figure out how to get me onto the stretcher.

I was blinded by the flashing lights from the ambulance. I could hear the driver of the car that hit me talking with the police about what happened. He explained how I ran out into the middle of the road and he had no time to stop. It was quite stupid of me. I was running. A couple of the bigger kids were chasing me. They were bored, and I was the closest target.

I didn’t have much to live for, but I certainly didn’t want to go through any more pain then I already had. Of course that turned into the opposite when the car hit me.

Now that I was regaining control of my body, the pain hit me. I screamed out in pain, startling the paramedics who thought I was passed out. They asked me as couple of questions.

“Can you move your toes?”

“Do you know what has happened to you?” and so on.

I still didn’t have muscle control enough to say anything, and they realized that soon enough. I was in severe pain, and I just wanted it to end. I was given a sedative, and I drifted off into a state of sleep.

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I felt as if I was being dragged away by something, like something way leading my path. I felt disembodied, as if I had entered some form of spirit realm. Everything was bright. I couldn’t make out any shapes, but it felt as if I was flying. Suddenly something appeared in the distance. I could see a hospital. I saw an ambulance driving up towards the entrance. A teenage boy on a stretcher was rolled into the emergency.

I flew closer, and I saw myself. I was severely injured, and that was when I first realized the damage that had been done by the car. Broken bones, dislocated shoulder, my face was absolutely mauled by the concrete road.

In a flash I was suddenly in the emergency room. I could see the doctors struggling to keep me alive while at the same time trying to repair the damage. They were sweating and nurses were running everywhere with bloody towels and sanitized instruments.

Suddenly, a long outdrawn beep appeared from the monitor, as if a microwave had just finished cooking. The doctors panicked and went to grab a defibrillator. They tried vigorously to revive my body, but to no avail. I was too severely damaged. I watched as they pulled a cover over my body.

This was really it; this was the end of me. Would anyone miss me? Probably not. But what happens now? That was what was going through my mind. It suddenly struck me. Where was I? I was in this weird zone of nothingness. Everything was bright, and it felt as if I was floating on air.

Suddenly I felt the dragging sensation again. I was pulled away from the hospital, into nothingness. I saw my city fade away into the brightness. I suddenly felt tired, but my mind didn’t want to fall asleep. The last thing my eye caught before I fell in

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slumber, was the moon, but it wasn't just your everyday moon, it was shining in a violet hue.

III – Resuscitate________

The sleep was dreamless, and went in a flash. I could feel something soft. The smell of a morning breeze was in the air and sudden sunlight struck my eyes. I was in some kind of room. Not your ordinary bedroom, but a room with a couple of bookshelves, a TV over in the corner, some sort of big red and blue plastic chest was sitting next to me.

I stopped to think for a second where I was situated. I was in some sort of race car shaped bed. A kids bed. I started to recall what had happened. The crash, what happened at the emergency room, was that all a dream? Why am I here? Where is here?

I climbed out of the bed I was in, and I noticed the ground was surprisingly far from the edge of the bed.

"Pretty large to be a kid's bed." I thought to myself.

I tried to cope a better feel of my surroundings. The walls were painted in a very light shade of blue, with a dark blue border running along the top part of it. The bookshelf had a bunch of children's books, bedtime stories and so on. I looked out the window.

It was snowing, but I could still make out a few houses. I saw what seemed to be a neighbourhood somewhere in a suburban town. It was early morning, and the window was slightly tilted open, and I could breathe in the revitalizing air.

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I decided to investigate the colourful treasure chest that caught my eye earlier. I opened it up, it had a bunch of toy cars, water guns and other average children's toys. The whole box smelled of antibacterial fluid, probably cleaning was needed after a session of playing.

I walked around the room trying to figure out why I was in this oversized kids room. Is this some sort of therapy? Did I survive the car crash after all? So many questions running through my mind at the same time I had to sit down.

The floor was covered in a soft, woolly carpet. I ran my paw across it to get a better feel of it. Wait a minute. Paw?! I took a look at my hand to make sure my eyes weren't fooling me. My hand was in fact, a paw. It was white as snow with stripes of a brownish, rust-like tint.

I felt behind me to check if I in fact had a tail as well. I most certainly did. Now more questions came to my mind. I needed to get a mirror. I saw a tall, oval mirror over on the wall next to the door.

I instantly ran over to the mirror. The image looking back towards me, was a small fox cub, no older then your average pre-schooler, sporting nothing but a lime-green pyjama. I blinked my eyes a few times to make sure that they weren't playing tricks on me again. The fox in the mirror was still staring at me. I raised my right hand, or rather, my right paw, and so did the mirror image. I was completely shocked.

As I stood there admiring the reflection in the mirror, someone knocked on the door. A few seconds later, a tall, middle-aged female fox walked in. She had the same kind of white fur with rust-coloured stripes as I had.

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"Good Morning Tyler, did you sleep well?" she said.Standing precariously, getting a feel for being on such short legs, I looked up at her. The look on my face must have been ghastly, matching exactly how I felt. Immediately, her expression shifted from that of a wistful mother, ready to start another ordinary day with her son, to that of a deeply concerned parent. She took a cautious step towards me, as I took a wobbly step backwards, suddenly unable to control my balance.

“Tyler, are you all right?”

“Mom?” I called out again, in a last ditch effort to say something, anything, to try and bring some sort of logic to the situation I now found myself in.

However, that was all I could get out before I went completely limp. In a hurry, I headed straight to the floor, all systems shutting down. In the instant before I completely blacked out, I felt a reassuring pair of paws hurriedly catch me, preventing a hard contact with the floor.

I could tell she was calling out to me, though it wasn’t words anymore. All I heard were the vibrations of her voice, radiating through her chest, and trickling into my left ear. I wanted to reply, but I found this impossible, as even the blurred, nonsense muttering began to fade until all that embraced me was a deep, infinite black.

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IV - Excogitation_________

Fight.

Fight.

Fighting, struggling against the black was all I could think or desire to do. I had no idea how long I had been out, but somehow, I was beginning to think logically again. Although I could see nothing, I attempted to will the muscles in my arms and legs to move. Not in any sort of rhythmic pattern, but just movement for its own sake, some sort of free, unbound movement.

"Doctor? The Carrington patient…I think he’s having a seizure…"

‘Who was that?’

The voice came from the end of a light-year long tunnel. Each syllable arrived in my ears at a differing pace, hurrying up at some points, stretching out at others, like drinking a thick milkshake through a straw.

"Thank you, nurse. Fetch me 5cc’s of…"

‘Are they talking to me? Are they after me?’

Panic started to set in. I still couldn’t see anything, my eyes straining to catch the glimpse of a shadow, a shimmer,

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something, anything for God’s sake! I fought against the darkness with all my might, swatting and kicking, hoping to make some headway and slip out from under the veil of darkness that filled every corner of my mind.

"Thank you, nurse. Hold him down."

"Yes, doctor."

The last word was still catching up with itself, the final syllable repeating over and over, like a skipping record, when I felt two strong hands grasp what I believed to be my arms. My underdeveloped biceps tried to overpower whatever force was now keeping me firmly in place, held in the darkness.

"What’s happening?!? Is he okay?!?" were the words that followed frantic footsteps, clacking heels which echoed, bouncing feverishly around my cranium.

"We’re giving him a shot to calm him down, Misses Carrington."

‘Huh?’ was the only thought I could process before I felt a burning sensation in my left arm.

Soon, the feeling passed, replaced by an even more bizarre one. It seemed as if I had been injected with lead, a liquid form of which was now slowly expanding, filling the empty cavities of my left limb; this made the flailing of it quite impossible.

The lead entered my torso and from there continued its voyage, embarking on a mission to fill every cubic inch of my person. Suddenly, though, I no longer cared and I completely forfeited the struggle. I welcomed the sense of calm and serenity that now took over the mental controls of my mind. I felt my eyes

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fall victim to the oozing weight as well and I gladly slipped back into unconsciousness.

The black nothingness of unconsciousness was suddenly fading into a lighter shade of grey. I tried to force my eyes open, but alas the drug I was given earlier was still lingering, so I could merely flicker them open slightly. I acknowledged that I was grasping onto something... something fluffy. I focused and tried to catch a glimpse of what I was holding.

I noticed that I was holding on to a small stuffed fox, covered in the same kind of fur of whichmy markings were coloured.

‘Rusty,’ I thought.

‘Rusty?!?’

What was happening to me? For a mere fragment of a second, I had lost complete control of my thoughts.

‘Had I? Or was I expressing my actual thoughts, just with a different part of my soul?’

‘Thoughts or not, that isn’t my fox!’

‘It isn’t?’

‘No! That belongs to the kid who’s…’

‘Kit…’

‘What?’

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‘A young fox is called a kit, not a kid.’

‘Kit, then! Whatever! The bottom line is I am not a kit! I am a human!’

‘Then where is your human body?’‘I…I don’t know…’ I faltered, my determination failing in this internal argument. My eyes kept focused on the stuffed fox.

‘Then how do you know you are ‘you,’ then?’

‘Well, I know, in my mind, that I am ‘me’.’

‘That hasn’t changed, has it? You are thinking quite brillThomastly at the moment. Yet, your viscera is being contained inside a different physical form.’

‘True.’

‘So, are you any less ‘you’ at the moment? When you get down to whom Cody really is, the very concoction of emotions and thoughts and feelings that makes your soul unique from anyone else’s, are you any different?’

I had no reply. I turned my head, suddenly needing to stare at the ceiling, a neutral visual canvas, in order to concentrate.

‘Do I believe that I am actually a fox now? That I somehow transformed?’

‘No, clearly your physical being has decided to alter itself and send you off to some alternative reality, of sorts, the reason of

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which you don’t know quite yet. What you do know, and need to realize, is that you are you; that hasn’t changed.’I paused in my thoughts.

‘Your yearning for that stuffed animal has nothing to do with your physical state; that’s all mental state, buddy, which I believe you just agreed was completely intact and unchanged.’

‘But…but I’m a teenager! Hell, I’m almost an adult! Why would I want some…some stuffed animal?’

‘I don’t know. Maybe you should be asking yourself that.’

‘I am!’

I looked intently at the fox, still being held tight by my arms. It seemed almost as if I was not just holding it for the sake of it, but rather for comfort.

Comfort…

‘Do I want it…for comfort?’

The more I thought about it, the more it clicked. I needed it for comfort, but why was I seeking comfort?

‘Now you’re thinking.’

‘This feeling, this need for comfort…I’ve never felt before.’

‘I’m sure you have. You’ve just never bothered to seek the remedy.’‘The fox is my remedy?’

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‘No, it’s just one form of it. I think this is just the starting point in a journey to find what that cure truly is.’

Tears began to well up in my eyes. For so long, I had felt so lost, so alone. I had this gaping hole in my heart that I figured would just remain as it was for the rest of my life, that I just had to live with it. Never once did I even fathom that there was a chance that it could be repaired and I could be whole.

‘Now, whose fox is it?’

I snivelled quietly, trying to keep my nose from running.

“Mine,” I uttered in a voice just registering above a whisper. Quiet as it was, it must have been enough to be heard by my mother. I immediately saw her eyes shift from focusing on the doctor’s words to the one sound I had just uttered.

"Tyler, are you alright?" she came dashing over towards me, stretching her arms our and giving me a hug as she kissed me on the cheek. This gave me a feeling I had never felt before, a warm feeling, a feeling of comfort...

'Comfort? There it is again. Is that why I'm here?' I thought to myself. I still had many more questions that needed answers, but I didn't care at the time, I was in absolute heaven.

My mom gave me one final squeeze as the doctor addressed her to leave the room. The doctor walked towards a small table and picked up what seemed to be a chart of my previous visits and what medication I had been given and so on."Feeling any better?" she asked me while she was flipping through the papers of the chart.

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The sedative I was given earlier had started to wear off and I could move my body enough to form a slight nod, which she seem to notice as she smiled.

My doctor was a tall, young-looking female rabbit. She was wearing the same kind of coat that my human doctor had been wearing the last time I saw her. The coat was plain white with a nametag attached to the breast pocket.

'DR. MARY GARCIA, M . D' it read.

'If she's an animal doctor, wouldn't that make her a veterinary?' I thought to myself.

"Tyler?"

"Yeah?" I said in a voice which startled me a bit, since I wasn't used to the high pitched, childlike voice of my current body state.

"You okay?

I could see my mom glancing over the doctors shoulder. She was obviously worried of what had happened to her son, but she new the doctor had to do her job.

The doctor started to examine me with various instruments, she checked my heart and my breathing with a stethoscope and so on.

"Everything seems fine Ms. Carrington, but we're going to run an MRI scan just in case." the doctor addressed to my mom.

"Oh, take good care of him, ok?" my mom told the doctor worryingly.

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"Don't worry, we'll take good care of him." the doctor said as she picked me up and cradled me in her arms. I was surprised at how easily she picked me up, but I guess that came with my small size. We began anew our journey down the corridor. Looking back over my physician’s shoulder, I watched my mom stand there in the same spot, paws in each other, an unmistakable look of abject worry painted across her face.

I was torn mentally. Here I was being whisked away from my mother, an act that I expected would make any young creature burst into tears, considering the circumstances. Although I definitely felt the mother-son bond between us, I also felt very safe with the doctor. Clearly, a bond existed there as well, one which allowed my mind to be put at ease, trusting that I would soon be back in the arms of a parent, safe and sound.

I waved to my mom, feeling the need to calm her frayed nerves. Though we were pretty far down the passageway, she slowly and sadly waved back. We entered a small room with nothing but an examination table, and a long, dark tunnel of which where the table would slide in during an MRI scan.She placed me down on the table.

"Ok, Tyler, I'm going to leave this room now and enter that little room on the other side on the window, we can still talk back and fourth and if you get scared just call for me, ok?" she said, trying to not scare me that much. I simply replied;

"Ok."

As Mary left the room I laid down on the table as I felt it sliding into the tunnel.I heard Mary talk through a speaker inside the machine.

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"Just lay perfectly still now, I'm going to ask you some simple questions so we can see how your brain responds, ok?"

"Ok." I responded.

"First question, are you a boy or a girl?"

"Boy." I responded, I giggled slightly at how funny that sounded as it escaped my muzzle.

"Good job. Now, what is your name?Was this my chance at perhaps finally getting some answers. I gave it a shot.

"Cody.. A-Adamson." I replied, struggling a bit to form such a long procession of words.There was a brief silence. Did it work?"What is your real name?" I heard the doctor ask, slightly confused.

"Cody Adamson" I answered, now sounding more convinced then before.

Again the sudden silence, I could hear a slight chattering from the other end of the speaker.Most likely they accidentally left the microphone on. After yet another short delay, the doctor walked in the room as the table I was lying down on slid out of the scanner.

“What’s going on?” she asked timidly, clearly not knowing whether to refer to me as ‘Cody’ or ‘Tyler’. Her long ears quivered slightly, exemplifying her panic.

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“Ummm….” I began.

I spent the next hour carefully, slowly, and deliberately explaining, using my limited vocabulary, who I really was. I went over the loss of my parents, being given up to foster care, my experiences in high school and so on. Unfortunately, I wasn’t really able to explain how I got here; all I could tell her was what I knew.

At first, she was speechless, standing next to me as I sat on the retracting table, her arms folded. However, as I went on, unable to stop the words coming out of my mouth, she relaxed and almost seemed to be buying it. Eventually, she sat next to me and put a reassuring hand on my left thigh."So, you really are a hu-man?" she asked carefully."Yeah."

I had drawn her a simple picture of a human, or at least the best recreation I could possibly call for, on the thin piece of paper that was covering the examination table.

"Where is the gracing?" she asked.

"...'Gracing'?" I responded, just out of pure confusion.

"This." she said as she drew her paw across my arm, obviously referring to...

"Fur?" I deduced.

"'Fur'? Is that what humans call it?"

I laughed, mostly at the situation I was currently in.

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"So, who is Tyler?" I asked, slightly out of curiosity, but mostly because obviously I need to know since I was now stuck here.

"Tyler is a very sweet, smart, six-year-old fox."

"That explains the paws and the tail." I said.

"You have a mom named Flora and a dad named George."

"Ok." I responded as I tried to drill this new information into my memory.

"You live in a small sub-urban town called Walley, not far from Zook, where this hospital is located."

“You go to school in ‘Duluright’, the-”

“Wait, how do you say that?” I interrupted.

“Duh-luh-rit,” she enunciated.

“Duh-luh-rit,” I repeated back, trying to memorize all these new place names.

“Right; it’s where we are right now. Like I said, your school is also here. You attend Duluright Elementary with your friends Kyle and Jeffy: Kyle is a husky and Jeffy’s a squirrel.”

“So it’s a grade school?” I asked.

“Sounds like your world has them, too,” she grinned, glad I understood.

"So, what do I do?" I asked her, trying to imply how to endure my current situation.

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"Well, if you ask me I'd say you just try and be Tyler."

"How do I act like someone I'm not?"

"Well, you've been doing a good job of it up until now, I see a lot of him in you."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Your personalities are very similar; your intelligence, your innocence, even your love of asking questions, they are very.. Tyler-like."

I didn't respond, I was too deep in my thoughts to even nod.

"You came here for a reason; you just have to try and figure out what that reason is."

"Do you believe me?" I asked her, now that all was said and done.

"Yes." she replied, almost without hesitation.

"I saw the reaction your brain had to my question. A brain that lies has completely different response pattern."

After a brief moment of silence and emotions, she asked;

"Are you ready to see your mother?"

In a true childlike manner, I responded;

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"Yup."

“I can tell,” I replied, letting the thought of ‘my’ mom’s warm embrace and frantic, loving concern over my health re-enter my thoughts.

I felt so safe and cared for. I snuggled close to Doctor Buxton’s neck and squeezed my stuffed friend.

Without even thinking about it, I found that I was easily settling into being a youngster again.

“Maybe this won’t be so bad,” I reasoned, just as we arrived at where my mother stood.

"Sweetie, you're ok!" she shouted as she came running towards me to hug me.

We stood there hugging for what seemed like an hour, but its was probably no longer then 15 seconds.

"It was probably nothing but a bug in his system Ms. Carrington. If he's not ok tomorrow, call me."

"Sure. Come on Tyler, lets go home." my mom said as she grabbed my left paw and we started walking towards the exit.

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V - Savour_______________

As we walked out onto the parking lot I noticed, just as I remembered; snow.

I was prepared that it would have been cold to the touch, but fortunately enough the fur on my paws made me feel nothing of the sort.

We walked through the parking lot until my mom finally stopped and turned towards what I presumed was our car. It was pure ivory white and seemed to blend in with the snow. I couldn't quite make out what brand the car was, but it looked sort of what a Volvo would look like in our world.

My mom helped me open the passenger door and lifted me up into my seat. She buckled me up before she closed the door and then shortly after walked around the car and got in the driver seat. She turned the ignition and in no time at all we were heading towards my new 'home'. The car ride was your rather boring trip through the countryside with nothing but snow and trees to look at, so before long I fell asleep.

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"Tyler, wake up, we're home." I heard my mom state while slightly shaking me. I was a bit grumpy to be awoken from such a nice sleep, but I figured I couldn't sit there all day.

My mom got out of her seat, walked around the car and helped me get out of mine.She lifted me up and carried me inside. She put me down in a comfortable recliner and then walked off, presumably to start dinner.

My legs were short enough to just barely stick out over the edge, which made sitting upright in that chair rather uncomfortable and awkward. Still, I wasn't exactly in the mood the get fuzzy about where I sat, seeing as I was now getting used to being conscious, I was convinced that any unnecessary movement could leave me nauseous.

As I sat in that chair, I tried to assess all the information I had observed under my visit here so far, which proved to be quite difficult for my slightly underdeveloped kid body.

Eventually, I got bored. I decided to walk around the house and explore. I jumped out of the recliner and started slowly walking towards the stairs to the upper floor. Exactly how I knew where the stairs were, I had no idea.

I stepped carefully, taking notice of my undersized legs. It was a bit tricky to walk, but nothing I couldn't get used to. Walking up the stairs proved quite difficult though. It was almost as if I had to crawl up the stairs.

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Eventually I made it up to the second floor. I saw one of the doors stand ajar. I caught a glimpse of the same light blue shaded wall I had seen the last time my memory could recall being here. It was Tyler's room, or rather, my room.

I shoved the door open, using most of my remaining strength. I recognized everything. The race car bed, the toy chest, the bookshelf. Somehow the colourful chest caught my eye even more then it seemed to do before. My inner child wanted to just rush over towards it, and I didn't really have the power to resist it, nor did I want to either. It was a great feeling. I pushed the lid open and saw the exact same toys as before, but the a small, green monster truck brought a spark to me from deep within. I picked the vehicle up and studied it slightly before I started viciously running around the room with it making vroom noises. I must have looked like a complete madman, but I didn't care, I was having the time of my life.

After what seemed like ten minutes, even thought it was most likely closer to an hour, I had gone through every toy in the box. They were scattered all across the room. I heard someone knock on the door as it gently slid open.

"Tyler, dinner!" My mom said as she waved her finger, obviously wanting me to follow her. I followed shortly after her, and just as on the way up, I was having slight trouble with the stairs.

Due to my short legs, I had to jump up on the chair. Like the reclined, it was slightly awkward as my legs were slightly hanging out, but I could live with it.

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It wasn't until I actually sat down at the dinner table I had started to realize, I was slowly but securely, becoming Tyler. This started to scare me a bit.

'Am I really a kid inside?' I thought to myself.

'Kit.'

'Kit, yeah.'

'It depends. People change. You might not always have been, but you sure are now.'

'But, what if I don't want to?'

'Yet again, people change, you might be one now, but it can be gone in the spur of a moment.'

'Who decides this?'

'Who knows. Its just the way the earth keeps spinning.'

As I was done thinking, I had finished my plate of spaghetti. I had barely eaten anything, yet I was still full to the extent of where I couldn't down one more straw of spaghetti. By then I was getting tired, even though it was merely seven o' clock, I was no older then six, so I presumed this was my regular bedtime. Yet again I crawled up the flight of stairs.

Just as I got up on the second floor, I could hear the phone ringing. I paused for a second, a bit curious to hear who it was. My mom answered the phone.

"The doctor said he'll be okay."

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Then, a pause, in which I could hear the very faint sound of chatter leaving the phone from the other end of the line.

"I know, I was very scared, honey. I'm still worried about him."

Yet another brief pause.

"All right. Finish up your conference and get home safely. I love you, too. Good night." my mom said before hanging up.

I took a wild guess that it was my dad. Suddenly panic struck me.

'What if he gets home and picks up on the fact that I'm not the 'Tyler' he left behind going on a business trip?''I don't think that will be much a problem.'

Yet another internal conversation with myself started to kick in.

'Really?'

'You've been doing a good job convincing everyone else that you're Tyler, why not him?'

'I guess.'

I was starting to get really tired. I yet again walked in my room. I jumped up in my bed and got settled under the covers. Before long my mom stepped in the room.

"That tired, eh?" my mom asked me, smiling.

"Yeah."

"Long day today, how are you feeling?"

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"Good."

"I'm glad to hear that. You have school tomorrow."

I got really excited, a big smile appeared on my face. My mom noticed this as well, and responded by smiling as well.

I still hadn't met my supposed friends, so that's why I was excited. I was too tired at the time though, so I just wanted to sleep. I shut my eyes to try and fall asleep as my mom walked out the room and turned the light off.

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Chapter VI - Familiarity

White. White as far as the eye could see. Or rather, I couldn't see anything. My eyes started to hurt. I got scared. Was I back in the null zone? I don't remember my eyes hurting. I could barely open them. It was as if someone shone a flashlight in my eyes.

'Wait, flashlight?'

I tilted my head slightly, and suddenly I could see again. It had been merely a beam of sunlight escaping through the window. I laughed at how stupid I felt. I was sweating, not only from the heat from the sun, but also due to the quick episode of fright.

I could tell it was early morning. I had never really been much of a morning person, but I wasn't even close to tired. Normally I would have been surprised by this, but it felt like nothing compared to the other abnormal experiences I had been having the day before.

I stepped out of bed. I knew it was morning, but I was curious as to what the exact time was. I looked around the room. Just as I was about to stop my search, I saw a tiny, wooden clock

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hanging right above my bed, close to the dark blue border dividing the wall from the ceiling.

I took a closer look at the clock. I could see the clock bright as day, but I couldn't tell what time it was.

'Am I reverting mentally now as well?''An adult in a child's body would seem a bit weird wouldn't it?'

'Well, I guess, but what about my memories?'

'Your adult state and memories will still be there, but as you are now young the new experiences are overlapping your previous ones, old brain cells are shutting down and are replaced by new ones.'

'So, I will forget everything I know?'

'Not exactly. Anything that both Tyler and Cody knows will still remain, but anything that you know that Tyler doesn't is unfortunately usable. For example, reading a simple clock.'

I was speechless. Shocked, rather, seeing as I didn't speak at all in the first place. I had been accepting the previous occurrences of this, the childlike instinct and all, but I hadn't thought of the big picture. After a while of bouncing thoughts back and fourth, I accepted, unwillingly, that I would forget most of what I knew.

Just as I finished my mental conversation with myself, my mom stepped in the room.

"Ah, good, you're already awake. Let me help you out of that pyjama."

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I hadn't even noticed that I was wearing one. It was the same lime-green one I had worn the day before, as I never changed out of it. My mom undid the zipper and I stepped out of it. She brought me a t-shirt and a pair of baggy pants. Nothing unusual for a pre-schooler to wear. I felt a bit silly, but I knew that anyone looking at me wouldn't care in the slightest.

My mom walked out the room and I was right on her track, carefully treading down the stairs as always. I followed her into the kitchen and sat down at the table. The phone rang.

"Ms. Carrington."

A short pause, together with undistinguishable chatter from the phone.

"Oh hi, honey."

I presumed it was my dad calling.

"Oh that's great!"

I sat there, a bit confused.

"I'll see you later then, bye!" she said as she hung up.

"That was your dad, he'll be back from his business trip tonight."

Even though I had never met the man, I felt really happy inside. I had really been starting to settle in to the role as Tyler, almost, becoming Tyler. This would have probably scared me two days ago, but I was actually starting to, believe it or not, like it a bit.

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The car ride to Duluright didn't take any longer then 15 minutes. My mom stopped just outside and I jumped out of the car.

'How am I supposed to find anything here? I don't know how this place looks, hell, I don't even know what my friends look like!' I thought, slightly panicked to myself.

Just as I was thinking about my supposed friends, two young cubs, one of them a husky and the other a squirrel, waving at me. I ran over towards them.

"What were you doing over there? We always meet by the gate." the husky said.

"Uhm..." was all that I could respond.

"Up late yesterday?" the squirrel asked, laughing.

"Yeah." I laughed as well, seeing as it was the best excuse I had.

"Kyle, did you see the game yesterday?" the squirrel asked, obviously referring to the husky.

"Nah, I missed it. Was it any good?" Kyle responded.

"Zook won."

"Cool."

I just smiled, trying to seem interested.

"Did you see it Tyler?" the squirrel asked me.

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"Nah, I missed it."

I heard the bell ring. Kyle was already inside.

"Tyler, Jeffy, you guys coming?" I could hear him yell towards us.

Jeffy started running in and I ran close behind. I had no idea where everything was, so I just ended up following my friends. We walked in the classroom. I immediately knew I was in pre-school. Kids my age were running around and the teacher, whose name was written on the chalkboard as ‘Mrs. Adams’, tried her best to herd them all into their seats.

She was a grizzly bear, but one with a very sweet temperament. She asked all the pupils to take their seats, which we did. Luckily, it was easy to find my desk. It being early in the school year, our names were written on a piece of cardboard and taped to each individual desk. These desks were then grouped together in sets of eight; Kyle sat next to me, while Jeffy was just across from us.

I sat my backpack on the ground to my right. Curious as to what Tyler usually carried in it, I unzipped the main compartment. Clearly, the workload for a pre-school student wasn’t anything worth mentioning. There was one small binder which had some loose leaf paper inside and a large box of crayons was packed in the bottom next to it. The thing that put a smile on my face was the stowaway nestled up next to these items: I saw Rusty smiling up at me. This boosted my confidence immensely.

The morning went on pretty uneventfully. We were learning about the alphabet and what sounds the vowels made. Getting

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into the lesson, my adult mind scoffed at the idea of sitting through this. However, strangely enough, as the teacher began to speak, I found myself fascinated with what I was hearing and almost struggling to understand the concepts being explained. It felt almost as if…

‘I’m learning all over again,’ I realized.

‘Am I losing my mind, or at least the adult half of it? Why am I having a hard time grasping the idea of a vowel?’As panicked as I was by the end of the morning, I tried to put on as calm of a veneer as possible. I just filled out the worksheets as best I could, astonished at how sloppy my six-year-old handwriting was. Jeffy, Kyle and I chatted every now and then about the lesson, but tried to be quiet so as not to get into trouble.

The bell rang, and everybody rushed outside. I just decided to follow my friends. We walked out of the yard. I decided to look around and get a feel for my surroundings.

"You guys go on without me, I have, uhh, something to do."

"Uhm, ok." they responded as the ran off to play.

I went for a walk, trying to gather my thoughts, while at the same time explore the area. It looked like any average school playground. Sandboxes, slides, et cetera. As I was walking, I saw someone I recognized, whom already seemed to be looking at me. It was my doctor, Mary.

We both looked at each other for a couple of seconds, until she started walking towards me.

"Hello Tyler, or should I say 'Cody'?

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"Uhh, Tyler works."

"So, Tyler, how are you doing?" she asked, her curiosity piqued.

"I'm doing ok, I guess. It feels like I'm learning stuff again."

"I see. Is that a problem?"

"Well, not really, its just that, yeah, its a bit hard to understand."

"You don't need to understand. You just need to float along, try and embrace it. Other then your school experiences, how have you been doing, just, being Tyler?"

"There I don't have any trouble, it just feels so..."

"..Natural?" she finished my sentence.

"Yeah."

"Is that good or bad?"

"I guess, its good."

She smiled, and I couldn't help but smile back. It was almost as if she was asking my own questions for me, and just assisted me in answering them.

"So, uh, why are you here?" I asked out of curiosity.

"I'm the school nurse. I don't only work as a doctor." she smiled.

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"I guess that makes sense." I said, thinking about the fact that someone could have two jobs.

The bell rang.

"Seems like you need to rush in for class."

"Yeah, see you around, I guess."

VII - Stability__________

Time marched on, unstoppable as ever, and I soon found myself at the tail end of August. Just as the glow of dusk was fading to black earlier every day, so too was the proverbial sun setting on my former mental capacity. No longer did I find an argument between my two halves when a crossroad revealed itself to me. Rather, I had moved beyond merely tolerating life as ‘Tyler’; I had truly become him.

All the small similarities I had initially found so intriguing were now non-issues, as my adopted world was the only one I knew or understood. The habits and rituals of a six-year-old fox were now parts of a routine and needed no analysis. Every event from cartoons to an early bedtime was simply that: an event; nothing more and nothing less.

No longer needing to concentrate on the questions once posed to me, I could zero in on the truly important questions of the day, such as:

“What other goodies do your want, Tyler?” my mom asked.

“Can I have some more fruit snacks?” I replied. We were filling

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up my backpack with treats because tonight, Kyle, Jeffy and I were going to camp-out in Jeffy’s backyard. Being that his house wasn’t really in any town, but rather just off of the highway between Waverly and Surringshire, his family owned a much larger piece of property than usual. In fact, they had almost five acres of land to themselves.

I found out about the adventure the last time we hung out, around a week ago. However, it didn’t faze me, hearing that I would be camping out, and that the event had been planned for nearly a year. It was as if I was already aware and was looking forward to it. Tyler knew it; therefore, I knew it, too. After all, I was Tyler, wasn’t I?

The car ride over to Jeffy's didn't take too long, and before I new it we were already there. I ran inside as our parents started talking. There I saw both Kyle and Jeffy playing video games, and I joined them without even thinking twice.

Soon, we were ready to head out. I gave my mom a huge squeeze and she leaned down to me, kissing me on the top of my head.

“You three have fun out there and be careful!” she implored.

“We will!” we shouted back in unison, already running out the door into the great natural world that was Jeffy’s backyard. We had only been walking for about ten minutes and Jeffy’s house was already out of sight.

Beyond the neatly trimmed grass behind his house, Jeffy’s backyard became an open field, hemmed in by pine trees on two sides. We marched to the corner where the two tree lines met at a right angle. Tall cheat grass brushed against us as we trotted along. Luckily, by this time of year, the ticks were dead

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and gone.

The sun sat fairly high in the pale blue sky, although it was dropping earlier and earlier in the day. We were getting closer to the equinox, which meant snow would be just around the corner. The thought excited me and images of crackling fires and snowball fights with the guys filled my imagination as we arrived at the edge of the field.

Once we met the trees, the ground took a pitch downward. Following the path of a narrow gully, we hiked down the grade. Jeffy led the way, with me keeping close behind, and Kyle on my tail. Further into the forest we walked until we stopped about half-an-hour into the journey.

The spot we had arrived at was a clearing in the trees; it was poised at the bottom of the slope. Just fifty meters beyond the clearing, the ground dropped off again, and led down to the Sagemoor River. It was a perfect spot with a fire-ring already set up and a couple logs arranged around the pit, just waiting to be lounged upon. Clearly, this was a locale frequented by Jeffy, and probably myself as well.

“Let’s set up camp!” Kyle advised happily. While we were young, we had camping know-how. I couldn’t venture if it had something to do with that we were non-human, but we assembled the tent much faster than I could imagine any six-year old human would be able to. The three of us worked together and within ten minutes, we had raised a very nice two-occupant tent, which suited three cubs very nicely. We tossed the sleeping bag inside, along with our packs. I remembered to take Rusty out of my satchel and sit him up against one of the walls of the tent.

The three of us then marched down to the river. It made a

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lively, bubbling sound. The water was so clear, I could see down to the bed. Rainbow trout were swimming, coming up to the surface every so often to nibble on whatever bug had unwisely chosen to land there. Where we met the river, a small boat was tied up to the truck of a tree which hung over part of the water.

“Can I paddle this time, Jeffy? You got to last time,” Kyle whined.

“I’m the best paddler here,” Jeffy stated.

“Can Kyle and I both try it?” I asked, excited at the thought of piloting a boat.

“Okay, you both can take an oar,” Jeffy decided, very much in charge.

After untying the knot, we carefully climbed in, making sure we didn’t slip into the water.

“All right; let’s go upstream a little,” Jeffy advised. Kyle and I both took an oar and did as we were told. Being as the river was fairly shallow, paddling upstream wasn’t an issue. On the other shore, the ground rose very steeply. It didn’t have any vegetation on it, save a few pockets of tumbleweeds. The late summer sun was casting its rays on it, lighting up its tan surface, which illuminated the canyon we were in, as well.

Birds called out and streaked across the sky. The crickets had begun their evening song, thousands of them joining in, playing the same tune, although each at a slightly different tempo. A gentle breeze accompanied their symphony, causing the reeds along the shore to rustle and sway. The whole scene was breathtaking and I couldn’t stop grinning. The feeling was

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freedom at its finest and I could honestly say I didn’t have a care in the world.

“I can’t believe I forgot fishing poles,” Jeffy conceded.

“That’s okay; it’s just nice to relax and take in the view,” I replied.

“Yeah, Jeffy; we can pack them next time. Then we can bring our parents so they can cook the fish, too,” Kyle said. We all nodded in agreement, licking out lips at the thought of freshly cooked trout. For tonight, though, due to being forbidden from starting a fire, let alone cook, it would be fruit snacks and granola bars.

As we sat there, admiring the astonishing work of nature, we all started to get tired. We decided to paddle back to our setup camp.

We all got out of our camping clothes and into our normal pyjamas. We snuggled up together in the big sleeping bag. Before long, all three of us fell into a deep, soft, slumber.

Only about an hour after we had gone to sleep, I was abruptly awoken by a strongly shining light coming from outside the tent. I was debating with myself whether or not to wake up my friends, but I decided to at least catch a look of what it was.

I crawled out of the tent, and I caught a first glimpse. It was the moon, but it was shining in a violet hue. This sent a chill through my spine that cause all the fur on my back to stand right up. I decided to head over the hill of where I could only barely see the moon.

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“Cody…”

My heart stopped.

‘I know that name…’

“Cody…” it repeated softly.

‘I know that voice…’

I took the last step over the mossy hill and I finally saw who had been calling me. My throat went dry and my jaw slack as there before me stood Doctor Mary, except this time, it wasn’t the doctor I knew. She was in a flowing white gown and perched above her head was a halo, the very object which was letting off the blue glow.

“Uh….” was all I could get out.

“Cody, or should I say, Tyler,” she said, her voice just as soft and sweet as always.

“Ummm….” I really couldn’t figure out anything to say.

“You are surprised to see me.”

“Wha—what are you doing here and—are you a--“

“An angel? Yes, I am. I’m your angel, your guardian angel.”

“…but you’re my doctor, too?” I was trying to put my six-year-old logic capabilities to use here.

“…and the school nurse. I do that work so I can watch over you more easily and help you with this time in your life, to help you

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figure out who you are.”

“Angels do that?” I asked, my voice cracking a bit.

“We do what we need to in order to help guide our charges and keep them safe and content.”

I didn’t know where to go from there. So, I looked down at the ground.

“Does the name ‘Cody’ sound familiar?” she asked. My head snapped to attention.

“Yeah…”

The adult rabbit smiled warmly at me as she listened to the gears in my head crank and whirl. My neurons flashed and whizzed from one edge of my cranium to the other. As if I was running through a long mathematical equation, I put in all the variables I knew, and came up with the best possible answer:

“I’m Cody,” I said in a voice scarcely above a whisper. To this, she nodded gently.

“I thought I was Tyler,” I added. The equation only led to more questions.

“A year ago, you were Cody, a human, from another place and time in our universe. Something happened and you were hurt, badly. It was my fault that I wasn’t there to protect you. I’m sorry,” she apologized.

I was trying to make sense of this all. Suddenly, a part of my brain which had fallen asleep long ago came back to life and seemed to be fighting with the part I had grown used to living

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with. I had to blink, the thought processes were so numbing. Seeing my bewilderment, Mary knelt down in front of me and placed her paw on my hip.

“While you were in the hospital, I saw how you were suffering, not just physically but emotionally as well. You were never very happy with the life you had. So, rather than keep your spirit there and hope for recovery, I brought your soul to a place where I felt you would be happier.

“In your life as a human, you sought love, but couldn’t find it. As a fox, though, you not only found this love, but you intimately experienced it: the love of a friend, and, most importantly, the love of a parent. Since I could see you missing out on these three important attributes that every soul needs, I decided to move you here.

“All of us angels work together. While you lay in the hospital bed, I talked to a couple of my brothers and sisters and explained the situation you were in. One of my sisters told me that a young fox, named Tyler, would be in need of a good, kind soul very soon.”

“My soul,” I whispered. This time, it was my adult senses tingling and churning out answers.

“Yes, your soul. After getting the okay, I moved you, Cody Adamson, into the form of Tyler Carrington. Everything about you crossed over: your smarts, your kind-hearted nature, your inquisitiveness, your humor…all the things that make you ‘you’. Except for the physical ‘you,’ of course,” she added.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My muscles were frozen in place; my head swam, thickly laden with thoughts and disbelief. While in some way it was all making sense, at the

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same time it shattered all that I had come to believe was my world. I couldn’t even believe who I was anymore.

“Wh—what about the ‘real’ Tyler? Is…he okay?” I asked.

“Yes, he’s fine. The guardian angel who was watching over him took his soul to another place where he was greatly needed to save a lot of lives from danger.”

I took in the response, thinking about what that danger could be.

“It is all part of a plan much bigger than us,” she added, as if to quiet my mind from feeling the need to now solve the mysteries of the cosmos.

“What about…me? I mean…my body? Am I still alive in the hospital?”

At this, Mary smiled again.

“This is where you must make a choice, my child. Your physical form is alive in the hospital, waiting for your soul to return. In a matter of seconds, I could have you back to the way you were, all mended up and ready to continue living as Cody.

“On the other hand, you can also stay here if you want and go on living as Tyler. The choice is yours.” She paused to let the importance of the moment sink in.

“Either way, I will make it so you forget the life you decide to leave behind and our conversation here, as well. Tomorrow, regardless of whether you choose to be Cody or Tyler, your heart and soul will no longer struggle between two different mindsets. You will then be Cody Adamson or Tyler Carrington,

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never more a shade of both blended together.”

‘Who am I?’ I posed to myself

‘You’re Cody, obviously,’ one half of me argued.

‘Really? Are you really ‘Cody?’ How can you say that when you were so unhappy then, but so happy now, as ‘Tyler’?’ the other half countered.

“Child…” Mary began in the background of my thoughts.

‘Our feelings don’t change who we are; they make us who we are. Happy or sad, you are ‘Cody’.’

‘True, but if our inner desires, or feelings, are to be someone else, then, according to your logic, we do in fact transform ourselves into another being.’

“…it is time…”

‘A human doesn’t have the power to do that, to alter our being at the drop of a hat.’

‘No, but an angel does.’

“…for you…”

‘So, if an angel does it, that makes it okay? Okay to give up on life, to run away from tough times just because we are unhappy?’

‘No, unhappiness is part of life, as is pain and sorrow; we must learn to deal with all of it. However, if the soul, that thing much deeper than mere feelings, is offered a new start when it aches

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to be free, is that really running away? Or is it bravely facing the unknown, leaving behind all that was once understood and accepted, for a chance to start anew?’

“…to choose.”

I halted my train of thought enough to see that I was looking straight into Mary’s eyes. The forest around us hummed gently; the glow from her halo, perched high above her ears, lapped against the trees that surrounded us. The sparkles that first appeared when I was in her presence grew in number and intensity.

I felt nothing but numb, numb from what she had explained to me, numb from the memories washing back of my life as Adam, numb from thinking about the year I have had living as a young fox, numb from the decision I had to make. All I really wanted to do was pass out and give my mind a rest, check out from the world for just a short while to collect my thoughts.

With every ounce of brain power, I tried to force my mind to focus again on the matter before me. Through the mud that was threatening to take over my cerebral cortex, I broke free for one shining moment. I didn’t think it; I just spoke.

“I’m Tyler,” I said, clearly and succinctly.

The humming stopped instantly and the sparkles faded and disappeared. All that remained was the glow and Mary grinning reassuringly.

“Okay, Cody. Let’s get you and Rusty back to bed,” she said gently. She opened up her arms to me and I accepted them, yawning loudly as I took a step closer to her. She picked me up and cradled me, so that I was facing her. Resting my head on

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her shoulder, I pulled Rusty tightly into me, making sure I didn’t let go.

As she walked me through the trees, back towards camp, she stroked my brown hair and the sparkles returned to my field of vision. Every fret and concern I had within myself was melting away. The more she ran her fingers through my scalp, the more content and sleepy I became. I yawned again; I could sense there was no use fighting this battle.

The sparkles multiplied upon themselves many times over with such speed it was mystifying. Suddenly, I realized that it was a sight I had seen before.

“Will I ever see you again?” I asked, as I felt the child-like part of my brain taking full control of my mental abilities, running roughshod over the defenders of my adult half.

“Oh, I’m sure you will. Don’t worry about that. I will always be watching over you, Tyler,” she replied.

Before I zonked out, within sight of the tent in which my friends were peacefully counting sheep, in the final coherent thought my human adult mind would ever produce, I asked Mary a question:

“If you did this for me and knew the whole time, why did you act like you had no idea what was going on? Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“My child, life isn’t about finding out all the answers as fast as we can; it’s about why we ask the questions in the first place.”

As I absorbed the last syllable she spoke, I slipped into a deep, deep slumber.

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My soul was finally at peace.

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