Welcome back to the Vetinari Dualegacy! This is Chapter 26.5: School's Out!

Last time, the Gen 9 kids started college.

And did, you know, college stuff. Pizza, pineapple keg, poker, and other things that start with 'p.'

Pdating. PWooHoo.

No?

“Yaaaay! I got a decent re-roll! Now I must throw a party to celebrate!”

Indeed.

Jack hit Popularity at the re-roll at the end of his sophomore year, and now wants to be The Law, which is good, because if he wanted 5 Top Level Businesses like his dad, I would have Cheesed him.

For some reason, George likes to take out the trash. It's about the only cleaning anyone does autonomously.

I love them, but they are not a tidy bunch.

George decided to put the moves on our favorite cheerleader, Kana Knight, who was unimpressed.

I just like her. I don't even know why.

And as for George, how can you not love the giant-sized Creepy Smile?

Okay, so what if George's lip glitches through his face when he does that? It's kind of charming, right? In a quirky way?

Oh, and Paulie, PUT YOUR GLASSES BACK ON!

She wasn't even all that hungry.

I'd say something about not wanting to wash the glass, but it's not like I wasn't going to have her Influence one of the random Dormies hanging around to clean anyway, so it wouldn't be her having to wash it!

“Man, Jojo, you are cleaning up!”

“Me? Oh, I don't clean.”

“No, I mean you're beating us.”

“Violence is never the answer.”

“Jojo. You are winning.”

“Aren't we all winners?”

“Sure, why not.”

“I like the green ones best. I bet they taste like apples.”

There do tend to be a lot of parties, although I try to monitor the guest lists so that there is a low chance of someone doing something that will make me headdesk.

Generally, this involves inviting Kinsey or Gretzky, but not both.

They know why.

I pretty much always forget to use the cheat to be able to invite more than 2 people to a party, so my toga parties tend to be largely free of togas.

In Lawrin's and Kati's case, they'd be free of togas anyway.

And then everyone else is shocked that they're sitting naked in the hot tub.

“GIVE ME BACK MY ENYA CD!”

Pescado, Imma let you finish, but TwoJeffs has the best hack of all time. OF ALL TIME.

Duncan agrees. I mean, he doesn't even live here!

But what's this? It's Jack! And he's on a date! With a lady! Who is eligible to be a spouse, for a change!

And things seem to be going well! In a hands-above-the-waist sort of way!

But who is she, you may find yourself asking!

Well, her name is Nancy.

Nancy SUBJECT.

Yup, I gender-swapped ol' Nervous.

I know what you're thinking.

But I played around in CAS before I did this, and the potential for ugly is GLORIOUS TO BEHOLD.

GLORIOUS.

I mean, really, is this going to end well, facially speaking?

I can tell you that it is not.

Karaoke is one of the best ways to get Paulie's Aspiration up when I'm too lazy for dates.

Plus, have I mentioned how hilarious I find the karaoke faces?

Trust me, this would be funnier if Paulie weren't wearing his glasses. But he does. Even at night, because he looks reasonably normal with them on.

Oh! And he's the first Uglacy kid in a while that can wear glasses in the first place, because they generally clip through cheekbones and brows.

Note that the two people in the hot tub who are wearing clothes are very carefully looking at the eyes of the person who isn't.

I like them together. Unlike some other Sims this generation I could name, they don't roll Wants for Sims they're not allowed to have.

“OH EM GEE! I love your hair! It's almost like dreadlocks!”

“Yours are very... pink.”

“I love pink! It's the best! It's so happy! I bet if the Slytherin colors were pink and silver, they wouldn't all be meanie-pantses!”

“I don't think we've met. Ophelia Nigmos.”

“I'm Jojo! That's my nickname!”

“I thought it might be.”

“Your shirt has butterflies on it! Butterflies are cool. When I was little I thought they were called flutterbys. Wouldn't that make a better name, because they flutter by and they're not made of butter? I also called caterpillars 'pattykillers' but I don't think they're really all that lethal. Except sometimes if you eat them, but you can tell which ones because they taste bad.”

“You ate caterpillars?”

“No. They were furry, and it was gross.”

I didn't intend a Strangetown theme for the final spouses. Oberon Summerdream was in the running here too, but the nose had a tendency to go odd when mixed with other features. But Jojo and Ophelia's kids almost always turn out really pretty.

“I like your haaaiiiirIt looks like snaaakesssSnakes are coooolThey have one luuuungThey don't have leeegsA person who studies snakesIs a herrrrrrrpetoooooooooloooogiiiiiiist!”

“Aww, that's so sweet! I think!”

They have two bolts, which is as good as you're likely to get from a Pleasure/Family couple, and they fell in love, like, ridiculously quickly.

Anyway, they headed out to the car and did what college students roll Wants to do in cars.

At some point, Car WooHoo glitched. Or possibly the Sims involved glitched.

Have I mentioned that my neighborhood is corrupted? So yeah. Now I'm into the “scribbly thought bubble” and “empty thought bubble” phase of the meltdown. It's good times.

“So I know we were strangers until only recently, and this might be considered insane, but here's this great big ring...”

“...Marry me, maybe?”

She agreed, because getting engaged on your first date is a perfectly reasonable thing to do.

KIDS: THIS IS NOT A REASONABLE THING TO DO. DO NOT DO THIS.

Anyway, that's one of my heirs down, and ol' Nancy works some weird hours and she's never home when Jack is, so it's a bit like pulling teeth to get them to go out again.

Which isn't to say that dates with Jack and Nancy never happen, but they don't always happen at convenient times.

I was just glad the coach wasn't coming to yell at Jack, because once the dates wander away and get sucked into the vortex that is the poker table, it's a pain to get them back into the date.

Jack and Nancy finally fall in love.

Thanks for crashing the date, Paulie.

“Man, wow, I just felt the estrogen level rocket up, like, a zillion percent. I feel like I should be doing girl things now.”

“'Girl things?' What sort of 'girl things' do you mean?”

“Like... uh... Ovulating. And, um, bearing live young? And, uh... Going back into the house...”

For some reason, Kana decides to fall for George.

I'm not sure this is the wisest course, since he's Romance.

But she is good for Influence To Clean, so I don't mind her sticking around.

In other news, Nancy drops AWESOME date gifts!

OK, they don't need the TV or the money, but still.

...I'm not sure the most ripped guy in the house needs to be yelled at to exercise, but okay lady.

DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENS TO COACHES WHO ARE BAD?

Maui and Paulie are each other's date of choice. They're usually pretty good about rolling date-related Wants on dates, and it's pretty easy to predict what they're going to roll Wants for.

Unlike, say, Kinsey, who tends to go, “Date? What's that? BUY ME EXPENSIVE CRAP!”

Speaking of the Landgraabs,Mitch Indie was a frequent enough walk-by that I thought I'd see if anyone took a shine to him in even a remotely romantic way, and, nope.

If I disliked the guy, I'd have hooked him up with Kinsey or Tyler, but he seems innocuous enough that I don't want to break his little heart with either one of them.

So, Mitch Indie, you are safe.

I eventually used the Crystal Ball and landed this lady for Tyler. She's a gender-swapped or aged-down or -up version of... someone. I forget.

I put her in the Townie Pool for the Uglacy, and now I can't remember who she's supposed to be based on.

Her name is Alexandra. So, Xander Roth, maybe? The giraffe-necked kid from Riverblossom Hills?

Tyler found her less interesting than gaining skill points and Influencing Someone To Clean.

Kinsey, on the other hand, was frustrating from the angle of only Wanting to fall in love with Sims she couldn't have, when she was bothered to roll those Wants at all, which was exceedingly rare, even on dates.

The only Sim she was remotely interested in who wasn't Great-Uncle Eddie or Off-Limits Gretzky was the Evil Llama Mascot, Gordon Barrett.

Remember him? Probably not, right? He's the one who picked a fight with Billy for no reason, and who Archie used to beat up on a semi-regular basis.

At least Duncan and Lawrin don't make my head hurt.

Oh look, it's Kinsey's Murderface!

...That looks like it hurts.

Notice that while Evil Llama Mascot is showing his softer side, Kinsey is very much NOT throwing any big red hearts.

It took another date before that happened, during which she refused to stop rolling Fall In Love with Gretzky.

I SAID NO, KINSEY.

Kinsey and Tyler both made good use of the family automobile.

And then never rolled any Wants for the people they were in love with again, ever.

Well okay then.

At the other house, the issue is too much Romance rather than not enough! Tahiti's just about halfway through her 20 WooHoos LTW.

It turns out there are like three guys named Phoenix at Academie Le Tour, and she is dating them all.

Not the guy in the hot tub. He is Jake Something.

Snakeskin Jacket Guy is Glenn Cox, because OF COURSE HE IS. He may also be a werewolf.

He certainly smells bad enough to be a werewolf.

The hippie guy is one of the Phoenixes.

Like, that is not a sentence I thought I'd ever find myself needing to write, you know?

Survey says YES on the werewolf!

He ran afoul of Marco once, but I couldn't remember whether that was before or after the mini-rebuild.

Before, apparently.

At least I don't have to worry about Jack and Kati, since they're cousins.

Who's Gretzky rolling Wants for here?

Hint: It's not De.

De writes the Morgan Legacy, and may possibly deserve better than Gretzky.

Tahiti begins Operation Public WooHoo, and who should be there but Naked Victor?

A momentous thing occurred.

After going back to Finn's Fins a few times to make use of the photobooth, STEVIE RAN OUT OF FISH.

THERE ARE NO MORE PANTS-FISH TO BE HAD.

It is a dark day in Riverblossom Hills when there are no more pants-fish, folks.

I kinda felt bad about this. I've gotten used to setting Tahiti up with Romance and Pleasure Sims, who won't care what she does or with whom, and I just invited George on a date without going anywhere else, and poor Edwin Sharpe got his heart broken.

Sorry, dude. My total bad.

Paulie and the professor, on the other hand, didn't seem to care much.

Tahiti gets her A the FUN way.

Paulie gets his A the EASY way. I cheat it, because he is glitched and the grade bar doesn't recognize his skill points, so he gets to skip class every day and never do homework.

Not that I ever did that when I was in college. Nosirree bob.

In the dead of night, I sent Tahiti to Attractive Stuff until she was able to go on dates again, and a bunch of the neighborhood ladies showed up!

Clearly there must be a veritable bevy of hunky men hanging around!

Or it's just Howie. Who is married, and gay. So, uh, NO on both counts, ladies.

“OH WRIGHT, TAHITI IS DOING TERRIBLE THINGS IN MY PHOTO BOOTH.”

“Geez, why do you even care?”

“HIS NAME IS CHAZ WHIPPLER. FIND ME A WORLD IN WHICH THAT IS NOT THE NAME OF A PREPPY DOUCHEBAG.”

Invasion of the red-headed SimSelves! Ang writes the Devereaux Legacy, and Prof wrote the Squeaky Clean Legacy.

“Wooo! All right! Go get nekkid with someone whose name isn't freaking CHAZ! Woooooo!”

I think my SimSelf has some issues.

In other news, I seem to really, really like that skirt.

In my defense, it is pretty cute.

And then Faraday showed up, and Tahiti left before he could pick a fight with someone he should really not be picking a fight with.

Like Prof, who has made enemies of several Townies all on her own, and does not tolerate shenanigans.

AWKWARD!

Maui's not much of a slouch when it comes to romance either. She called Paulie up for an actual date. George was just sort of hanging around when she needed some Aspiration.

I can't remember whether I've seen the penguin at college before, or whether this is yet another sign of impending doom.

Guess who's STILL rolling Wants for Sim He Cannot Have?

The blonde guy is one of the Phoenixes.

The redhead is Bill Tan. I feel like there's an extra space in the middle of his name. Like, Bill Space Space Tan, instead of Bill Space Tan. I don't know. Maybe I'm imagining it. In my head, he's Bill Space Space Tan.

For some reason, Bell wanders by.

Like, Hi Bell? These are your grandchildren. You do not go to college anymore. This is sort of creepy.

OK, amend that to DEFINITELY creepy.

That is your granddaughter getting busy in that hot tub, man.

What are you even doing here? GO HOME, BELL.

This guy, Jonah Powers, is the resident paper thief. Seriously, almost every day, on every lot.

I like to think he does a lot of papier mache.

Also, I guess I never realized that the tats are different for the different outfits.

I would have remembered Archie having Lime Helmet Kitty on his shoulder. And also some sort of, like, Pokemon-thing on his other arm?

I think Jonah “Paper Thief” Powers deserves Lime Helmet Kitty and Cute Pokemon Thing. It's like he's trying to be badass, and failing miserably.

BELL. IT IS NOW MORNING. WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?

GO.

HOME.

YOU IDIOT.

With her grandfather gone, Tahiti got the last few WooHoos she needed for her LTW.

Snakeskin Jacket Werewolf GleNn Cox, and possibly Phineaus Furley, or one of the Phoenixes.

De leaves pretty good date gifts too!

Don't do it, De. He is having Lusty Thoughts about Someone Else.

Maui was bored, and there was still some charge left in the Love Tub.

What can I say? The pickins were easy.

Feel free to interpret that any way you like.

Randy Knight wandered by, and I sent Kati out, because why not see if one naked hot-tubbing Pop Sim is interested in another naked hot-tubbing Pop Sim?

There was some vague interest, which is about as good as I'm getting this generation.

And then the car glitched, or Kati glitched, or Randy Knight glitched, and they had to use the bed like normal people instead.

I kept Gretzky up past his bedtime, and he passed out in front of the toilet.

Tahiti found it hilarious.

Kati at least had the decency to worry about it, even if she then proceeded to take a shower in that bathroom, so that when I woke Gretzky up, he couldn't pee, because there was someone else in the bathroom, which Kati of course didn't care about, but Gretzky had a Potty Incident before he could make it to the other bathroom upstairs.

It occurred to me that I hadn't seen Dead Coach Stinkypants, so I checked, and of course his grave is missing. And since no one knows him, they can't resurrect him, so I guess the anti-ghost moat is just for fishing now.

See? The karaoke faces are so much funnier on the Uglacy kids!

NO, JACK!

You know what, everyone is graduated, time to leave!

For my sanity, if nothing else.

Lawrin actually Wanted a party, so I threw her one. There was much Hula-ing and making merry.

Oh, and Jack was hanging around outside and got struck by lightning and almost died.

So that was fun.

Lawrin gets a decent outfit!

And you know, graduates with a 4.0, Big Sim on campus, all that. In fact, everyone did, so we're just going to pretend like I typed that out a bunch of times.

Jojo's party was next.

Feel free to come up with your own tasteless “girls pillow fighting at college parties” joke here.

Ophelia came over to make it a Roof Raiser.

After she got stuck at one of the chairs in the dining room, thanks ever so much Duncan and Nikolai.

Jojo grows up in his undies, and they have little hearts on them, because of course they do.

“Listen, I don't want to give you the wrong idea here. Marrying me could literally be the last thing you do. As in, some crazy person could kill you, and you will die. So, consider this a fine time to walk away.”

“I don't want to walk away, Jack. I'm pretty sure that it's not instant death the minute the ring goes on my finger.”

“It could be. Fair warning.”

“Consider me warned, then.”

“Well then, marry me, for what is sure to be the most terrifying week of your life.”

“You have a knack for saying what every girl wants to hear.”

“Yes or no? Very last chance to back out.”

“Of course it's yes!”

“I hope you live to not regret it. And me too, as it happens.”

Jack grew up into those pants when he got to college, and here they are again. I don't know why he is obsessed with Oz Warner's trousers.

George and Paulie also grow up into decent clothes, and I start to wonder if I might actually make it through this last round of growing-up without any breeches or unitards.

Tahiti and Maui also grow up into things that don't make my eyes bleed.

So far, so good.

Gretzky and Kati also get off easy in the clothing department.

Three left! Can I make it?

Historically, no.

But I do! Duncan, Tyler, and Kinsey make it out unscathed!

It's a miracle!

So that's it for Gen 9 at college!

Next time: Epic Finale!