Welcome back to the Vetinari Dualegacy! This is Chapter 17.5: I Fought the Law!

Last chapter, Eddie Landgraab wormed his way into the Secret Society with the intent of scoring a Bone Phone, and various Vetinaris began to pair off, including Archie's cutting a swath through the SimSelf population, although heirs Xander and Rizzo were conspicuously single.

Rizzo: "This is a distraction so that Archie doesn't beat you up!"Archie: "I feel the burning desire to pummel someone."Xander: "Why am I always the one who gets roped into fixing stuff?"

"VATTA SU LA GORN! VATTA SU LA BRONK! I HAVE A KILLER VIEW OF YOUR--"AAAGH Banned4Lyfe!"...I may have to murder you now..."

This is Archie Stalking the llama. He does love him some mindless violence. Sadly, the llama was gone by the time he got downstairs.

"So? Whaddaya think?""A questionably-featured Romance Sim with one nice point? Do you even have to ask?"

De/fireflower314 writes the Morgan Legacy.

"I like SimSelves.""I like Bad Boy Romance Sims.""...Bedroom?""Uh-huh."

Archie enjoys another Demented Purple Heart. I don't think it was that much of a hardship for De either.

"You! Monkeyboy! Work out!""THIS IS A NAKED PLACE!"

And another crappy well drop for Xander. I must have deleted Samuel Smith's CC shirt in my last cull. I will spare you the buttcrack picture.

Meanwhile, Stacielee (writer of Whedonberry) pops by to tell Archie a Dirty Joke.

I think she has found the way to his heart...

...and the way to his bedroom.

Romance is also being done elsewhere...

"Hey, Pen, glad you could make it!""It's not like this is a hardship. I do still love you, you know.""Well, yeah. And I was thinking..."

"...maybe you wanna come upstairs?""Do you even have to ask?"

"Still time to back out if you want to.""Not on your life, Simon."

You can consider this the official end of the Bachelor Challenge!

"Some lady made chicken-motions at me and put me in handcuffs and now the car is eating me."

...I honestly don't know how this happened. There's no benefit to them being in the Llama Cult at this point, since grade hacking is useless in the permanent fall, and they don't need the career rewards (aside from Eddie, naturally), and it's sort of annoying having to go to the Llama Cult lot every night, but if Simon and Eddie are both in, the other ten college kids will all be getting in as well. Yay.

Oh, IT'S ON, Cow.

Bee is Indy's daughter in a lot of ways...

...except even meaner.

Sadly, there was no ensuing brawl.

Bee goes Permaplat shortly after poking the Cow.

There's quite a bit of this, too--Simon and Pen being adorable, and Becca getting busy in the Love Tub on the front lawn.

Becca is not shy. So far she's gotten two mascots, a streaker, a dormie, and two professors into hot tubs.

Bee, on the other hand, has fallen hard for Streaker Goopy, aka Victor Stratton. Since Bee and Becca are exhibitionists themselves, they won't mind that Bee's hubby thinks that clothing is optional.

Fiona, meanwhile, still has a thing for Reed, and they are horribly cute together.

There's a lot of stalking that goes on when these two are on the same lot.

Of course, Reed and Fee aren't the only ones getting some action...

"Meadow, hey. You, uh... You changed your hair.""I'm allowed.""I wasn't sure you'd come.""I wanted to see what you had to say."

"I wanted to say thank you, mostly. I mean, I know getting into the Secret Society hinged on what you had to say, and I was kind of a jerk to you, but you put in a good word anyway. You weren't there when I got inducted, and I thought I should say thanks in person. I'm really not a bad guy.""I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt."

"And I really am grateful that you did.""Eddie...""I'm sorry. I shouldn't... But you helped me so much...""I wasn't complaining.""In that case, let me give you something else to not complain about."

"I've never done this before, Eddie.""Me either.""I mean, just jump into bed with some guy.""I have to say I've never done that either.""I'm serious!""And I'm not? Meadow, I didn't kiss you because I felt like I owed it to you. I kissed you because I like you."

Some guys don't have Eddie's luck...

Another sausage fest from the Wishing Well. Tres annoying.

"Die, puddle!"

"Allow me to cluck at you!""Can I just go back to pillow fighting with my brother?"

"Somehow, this will all end up being Archie's fault. Again."

"You! Work out!""I worked out yesterday! I'm fit already!""...I'm supposed to be yelling at your brother, but he scares me."

"Did Archie put you up to this?""Hands behind the back, hottie!"

"Look, this really is more Archie's thing."

Xander started stalking the cheerleader. Her name's Brittany Boyle. And she will serve as Aspiration Fodder, since the Wishing Well refuses to drop female types.

"I am so beating you right now, Archie.""Don't get used to it.""I'm allowed to win sometimes, you know.""I suppose it's statistically possible, if improbable."

"Simon! Sports party!""...People...""You're not gonna freak out, are you?""At least no one expects me to wear a toga."

"Your girlfriend's hot.""...Archie, don't make me make grouchyface at you.""Seriously. Yowza.""I really, really hate making grouchyface. But I will if I have to."

Smustle time!

As playful as he is, Billy rarely does Group Smustle, and I don't know why.

Sadly, Group Smustle was interrupted by...

...Xander getting arrested.

No one seems overly concerned.

Rizzo appears to be ready to ride the Llama Cult Cop like a pony.

Despite Xander's abduction, the party was a good one.

"Hey! New SimSelf! Sweet!""Can we get a move on with this socializing? Places to go, things to do..."

SilvainTheShadow writes the Leo Legacy.

"Well, if you insist..."

"Why couldn't you have been a chick?"

It's time for a Choose Your Own Caption Adventure! Fill in Archie's line:

"I wonder if they'll let me keep these.""Seriously, this would be, like, a zillion times better if you were a chick.""If there aren't any hot SimSelves where we're going, this was a waste of time.""Sorry, man, I don't swing that way."

We hope you have enjoyed this Choose Your Own Caption Adventure!

I cannot make these thought bubbles up, people.

"Eeeeeeexcellent..."

*hearts Tolly*

After despairing of getting a decent well-drop for Rizzo, I hunted through some Townie/Downtownie guides and found some possibilities. The Dormie in the toga isn't one of them, but she'll do for a date to keep his motives up.

Nikki Despret there might have been a potential, except that after being dead three times for Jonny and Tom, I felt bad, so I didn't turn her back into a Townie. But she was friends with Tom, and she appears to be a Family Sim, and I don't think she's dealing so well with his death.

Sadly, Nikki's Aspiration Failure is not the only issue. Yup, CrumpleBottom showed up to do some serious parade-raining. I didn't need a Dream Date, but I DID need a date good enough to kick Rizzo's motives up a substantial amount, which is really, really hard to do with the limited options provided by CrumpleBottom's presence.

And then...

"Hey! I'm Rizzo.""Zoe. Almassizadeh.""I like your tats. My friend Archie has tats.""You know they come off in the shower, right?""Lots of things come off in the shower. ...Sorry, Romance Sim. Sometimes I can't help it.""It's all right. I've heard worse.""I really am sorry. I'm usually not quite so shameless. But I sort of have a thing for redheads.""I can see that. Because of your date.""Right. Yeah."

Sadly, the sailing is not smooth. I imagine her turnons are something like vampires and stink, like most of the Townie types, plus she's a Knowledge Sim. Still, though, Downtown is set to Summer, so they make friends easily enough, even if there's no flirting because the girl Rizzo was on the date with is still hanging around.

"Oh, hey, Uncle Chad!""Rizzo. Securing Gen 7?""I hope so!"

Heading back to another burgeoning romance...

Toast and Billy are insanely cute together.

"Arrr! You're a pirate wench!""...Call me a wench again, and I will introduce you to Dr. Swordopolis.""Fair enough."

They do make a good pair.

"Reed, Billy's girlfriend food-snarfs.""Billy food-snarfs too.""She's in her underwear.""And she'll leave the plate on the table and I'll get to clean it up!""...You are so bizarre."

"Desperate Family Sim?""Oh yes.""Win!"

At least this keeps Georgia away from Reed and Billy. They are now safe from her Family Sim stalkeriness.

Big Red Hearts for Georgia and Sheldon.

...I may keep him in the beret.

Reed and Georgia wanted a bird. Billy also enjoys playing with Arthur Dent.

He still finds time to do more traditional Pleasure Sim pursuits as well.

Billy also likes to throw parties, and he seems intent on trying out various ways of pillow fighting with Toast without actually hitting each other. Like on opposite sides of the room, facing away from each other, for instance.

He may have too many nice points, if he doesn't even want to hit his girlfriend with a squishy pillow.

"Reed. There's a cheerleader in your bedroom.""She's checking out my butt, isn't she?""She appears to approve. I can't say I disagree, but it's creepy.""I'm just gonna keep making the bed and ignore her."

Georgia gets a little loving in too. She and Sheldon finally have a date that isn't interrupted by class or Sheldon complaining that she's not focusing on his needs but it was a fantastic time and they need to do it again.

They get their little demented purple hearts.

Georgia and Sheldon aren't the only ones wandering in their underpants...

"I'm glad I met you, Meadow. I just wish I could introduce you to my mom.""I wish you could too.""Phoenix showed me your Career Rewards. There was that Bone Phone thing. He said it could bring back dead people. I thought... I thought maybe I could use it to bring her back, but he said I couldn't use it here.""That's right. You can only bring college students back to life here.""I can't take it either. I'm new to the Secret Society. If it disappeared so soon after I joined, everyone would suspect me."

"Getting your mom back is really important to you, huh?""I couldn't save her. If I could bring her back, maybe it would make up for it.""You know, I've had that llama jacket forever. I could get the Bone Phone for you. You could graduate, and borrow it, and go home and use it to resurrect your mother, and then I could put it back. I mean, it's not like your dad couldn't give you the nine grand you need to bring her back the way she was."

"I couldn't ask you to do that, Meadow.""You don't have to. I'm offering. Eddie, I... I think I love you.""I don't know what to say."

Now for someone slightly less manipulative...

Random cute picture of cute Simon being cute is randomly cute.

"Hey!""Uh, it's not what it looks like!""Really? Because it looks like you're cheating!""No, I was, uh... Okay, okay, I'm a real Vetinari, I cheat at chess."

Becca using Randy Knight to complete her LTW just seemed so fitting. I mean, it's RANDY KNIGHT.

...I'm not really sure what she's doing with this professor, but I think that's illegal in twenty-seven states.

These are all from Operation: Community Lot WooHoo. The photobooths at Finn's Fins and SupremeNerd's House of Stuff got quite the workout.

And Becca goes Permaplat! The +15,000 is because she's actually rolled the Want for 20 WooHoos--it ended up being worth 40,000 total, when the Aspiration points from it also being her LTW were factored in.

"This is it. One Bone Phone, neatly wrapped with a pretty bow on top.""I can't believe you really did it. And it is a very nice bow.""I can't stay, though. I have to get to class.""Oh. Then I guess I'll just say thanks and let you go get educated."

"Registrar? Yeah, I'd like to drop out. ...Yes, I understand the consequences. No, I don't want to explain why. I just want to go."

So I need nine thousand dollars to bring Mom back? That should give me enough to change my clothes, at least.

I won't ask Dad. I've come this far on my own, and I'll go the rest of the way on my own.

I'm almost there, Mom.

And now to catch up with Eddie's brothers...

"Archie? Are you seriously okay with me being the heir? I mean, we've already got one spare holding a grudge. I'd rather you didn't make it two.""Xander, I'm a Romance Sim. I've got no desire to settle down. And negative desire to die, if it comes to that. So you go do your thing. I'll quite happily be WooHooing SimSelves long after you've got a platstone out back.""You won't try to hurt us?""I'm more or less completely uninterested in anything that would interfere with my busy schedule of WooHooing SimSelves. Speaking of which, I got a date."

"Would you like to see the inside of my pants? I mean, my bedroom? Hehehe, I always get those two mixed up.""Either one is fine with me. Or both. Both is good too."

Smoothiequeen writes the Villainous Apocalypse.

Lest you think I enjoy tormenting the SimSelves in my neighborhood: they all volunteered for this. Every last one of 'em.

"So, uh, I don't suppose you'd mind if I flirted with you?""Can I cheer first?""Is there any way to stop you from cheering first?""Not really.""Well then, get it out of your system."

"Shall we hit the car?""I won't even take a cheer break."

For some reason, Brittany's Demented Purple Heart showed up well after Xander's. But he'll be platinum for a while, so he really doesn't care about the time-lag in the hearts.

"This is how we Vetinaris say 'Hello'.""Mmmmph."

And another one for Archie.

"Thanks for coming out with me. I promise you're the only redhead I'll be looking at this evening.""You can go ahead and look. But I can't promise I'll still be there when you turn back around.""Can we just call a truce or something? I swear I'm a decent guy. If you want the 'love 'em and leave 'em' sort of Romance Sim, I can introduce you to my friend Archie.""Fair enough. A truce, then.""How 'bout I buy you dinner?""Deal."

"Zoe, what've you got against Romancers anyway?""I've seen my fair share of you in action. I'm not interested in being used and thrown away like yesterday's leftover pizza.""I'm not interested in throwing anyone away. Listen, I'm a Legacy heir. I have a responsibility. I have to get married and have kids, and I don't think I can justify playing the field.""What are you saying, exactly?""I'm saying I like you. You can hold your own, and I respect that. And I'm just hoping you give me a chance to prove that I'm not a liar."

"Well, you weren't lying about having some decent moves, Rizzo.""My Smustle skillz are equally mad."

"So is this the part where you ask me home with you?""Nope. This is the part where, if I asked you home with me, you'd say no and block my calls. So instead, this is the part where I say thank you for a lovely evening, and I hope we can do it again some time.""There may be a chance for you yet, Romance Boy."

"I hope so."

"You're so tense. I bet I know how to make you relax...""Really?""Uh-huh."

DocGirlP writes the Bohemian Legacy.

"Yes, this is very relaxing."

"How's it going with the 'heir' thing, Xander?""I have a girlfriend and a nightly date with a telescope when I move home. So that's good, I guess, right? You?""Cute redhead with a pretty wicked sense of humor and a low tolerance for bullshit.”"Nice. Sounds better than a telescope.""Yeah, but I get to go back to endless grilled cheese sandwiches.""Point."

Archie gets in one last fling before graduation. Lark approves of his level of fitness.

Ladylarkrune writes Lady Lark's Looney Bin for the Morbidly Insane.

I'd say that Archie goes out with a bang, but that would be tacky and wrong.

You gotta admit, he makes it look gooooooood.

WTF? Is my game stuck on "breeches" or something? Seriously! Of all the possible choices of pants and outfits, I get breeches again?

"Nice pants, Archie.""Speak of this to no one. No one."

Final tally: Archie graduates with a 4.0 and a llama jacket. He pwned the Llama Mascot a couple of times, netted a whole passel of SimSelf girlfriends, and generally provided Havelock House with all the attitude it could handle. With his graduation, the family fraternity will be much less surly and Oddly Hot.

"What's new, Simon?""I have a girlfriend. She's cute. Also we got a Cow Mascot Head Trophy and now it doesn't come in and make Fee and Becca cry anymore.""All hail the Cow Mascot Head Trophy."

"Reed! Dirty Joke!""Yes! I love Dirty Jokes! But my girlfriend doesn't like them.""Let's get them all out of our systems!""My turn next!"

Tolly poofs into non-breeches!

Final tally: Tolly graduates with a 4.0 and a llama jacket. He occasionally whined about his Aspiration, but mostly kept himself happy, chased the Cow Mascot out of the house a few times, and decided that he needed to date one of Archie's Llama Cult castoffs.

He can go live with Archie in a nice swanky bachelor pad.

"Thanks for coming over.""You asked so nicely.""Still, though. I'm glad you're here.""I have to say, you're a different breed of Romancer.""Hey, sometimes Romance is about WooHooing anything that moves. Sometimes it's about finding a connection with that one person you're meant to be with."

"And who might that person be, hmmmm?""Well, there is this one pretty redhead...""You'll have to let me know when she's coming over so that I can get lost before she gets here.""I was sort of thinking about asking if she wanted to maybe kick things up a notch. But I'm not sure what she'd say.""I think she might say yes."

Rizzo finally gets his demented purple heart with Zoe.

I was sort of thinking he'd be a more monogamous sort of Romance Sim, and that so far appears to be the case. He really doesn't roll the "WooHoo everyone" or "Fall in Love with everyone" Wants, and seems to be settling for generic WooHoo/Date Wants.

"What do you say, Brittany? Marry me and provide Aspiration fodder, and I'll buy you all the expensive stuff you want?""Yay!"

I really don't need Brittany to breed. I just need her to keep Xander happy.

Reed: "I'm stuck between the chairs because Billy's sitting down."Billy: "I can't get up because Reed is standing between the chairs."Xander: "Don't mind me, I'm just going full-on Goopy over here."

Final tally: Xander graduates with a 4.0 and a llama jacket. He's engaged to cheerleader Brittany Boyle, and continues to be overshadowed by Archie, which probably isn't fair, but... It's Archie.

"My girlfriend is finally safe from Archie!""Billy, I don't think anyone's girlfriend will ever be safe from Archie.""Just let me have my dream."

Rizzo pops into the best outfit so far. It's not Rizzo, but it's not Goopy either.

Final tally: Rizzo graduates with a 4.0 and a llama jacket. He's dating gloriously recessive-gened Downtownie Zoe Almassizadeh, which will hopefully get me some recessive-haired babies in Gen 7.

With Billy placeholding Havelock House, and the rest of the inhabitants gone, it's just moving the rest of them back home...

Georgia gets engaged to Sheldon.

Reed pops the question to Fiona.

Becca gets one last dance in with her girls.

Bee asks Victor Stratton to marry her.

And last but certainly not least, Simon proposes to Pen.

Just one more loose end to tie up...

"Eddie! I've been trying to call you all day! Are you all right?"

"Eddie? Is that the guy who lived here before? I found a pair of his underpants in the bathroom.""He's not here?""Just me."

"Where did he go?""I don't know. I just rent this place!""When did he leave?""I don't know!""Why did he drop out?""Do you really think I have that answer?"

"Damn you, Eddie Landgraab!"

Next time: Gen 7 on its way!