What the hell?

How am I even still alive?

Well, too late for that.

But I shouldn't even be here.

And why is there a cat?

This would be so much easier if I were just all-the-way Dead like I wanted to be.

“Oh, it's you. I should have guessed, I suppose. What's with the cat?”

“I LIKE CATS.”

“Rescue a lot of strays, do you?”

“THEY SEEM TO FIND THEIR WAY TO ME.”

“So what the hell am I doing here? Price to be paid, yadda yadda. We both know I shouldn't have survived that. You just decided to pull my ass out of the fire?”

“IF YOU HAD ASKED, I WOULD HAVE TRIED TO TURN YOU FROM YOUR PATH. YOUR DECISION WAS MADE, AND IT WAS NOT MY POWER THAT SAVED YOU.”

“Who else is there? You're the fucking Reaper; who's got the trump card?”

“YOUR BROTHER MADE A SACRIFICE TO ONE OF THE OLD GODS. HE ASKED FOR YOUR WELL-BEING. THE REQUEST WAS PASSED ALONG TO ME.”

“Dammit, Cass. Why can't you just let me go?”

“WHY ARE YOU SO DETERMINED TO DIE THE FINAL DEATH? TO BECOME A NAMELESS?”

“Is that what they're called? I called them wraiths. And if I'm one of them, I don't have to go back.”

“YOU ARE HUMAN. YOU BELONG ON THE HUMAN WORLD.”

“I have fucking wings. I'm not human. The things I can do, the things I've done. No. I'm not human.”

“YOU ARE HUMAN ENOUGH.”

“Human enough to what? To be tired, to hurt, to hurt other people?”

“TO HEAL.”

“And what if I don't want to? What if I can't? What do you think the kamikaze mission was all about? Making it so I could finally be done.”

“I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.”

“I can't pretend like I'm not damaged goods. I can't fool myself into thinking that I'll ever be okay. And that's what Cassidy wants. He wants—he needs—me to be okay. But I can't. I'm too far gone for that. But I can't lie to him, either. If you all would have just let me go, none of that would matter. I wouldn't have to hurt anymore. I wouldn't have to fight anymore. Now I have to go back, and I don't know what I'm gonna do. All I wanted was for it to be over.”

“AS I TOLD YOU ONCE BEFORE, YOUR FIGHT IS OVER.”

“And it's no more true now than it was back then. It's not—”

“NOT WHAT?”

“Oh no...”

“Why does it always have to...”

“Spider!”

“Don't fucking touch me!”

“Come on now, you could at least say 'thanks for the resurrection' before you stomp off in a huff.”

“Do you really expect me to be grateful to you? For anything? I've had nothing but time to think, since I was fucking Dead, and I came to the conclusion that I don't owe the two of you shit.”

“That seems a bit harsh.”

“Harsh? Yeah, I guess you could use that word. I'd say it's just as harsh as the way you manipulated a scared, lonely, abused child and then conned an equally fucked-up and confused young man who wanted to take you at your word because that meant that there was one fucking person looking out for him.”

“It wasn't like that, Spider. For the Boss or for me.”

“No? Then why didn't you ask for my help? Why didn't you give me a choice? Why the subterfuge and the manipulative bullshit? You could have fucking asked.”

“We never told you what to do. And Sycamore told you more than once to walk away if you couldn't take it.”

“Sure. Make me believe like I had a choice in the matter. But I didn't. You made sure of that.”

“Of course you had a choice.”

“All I want from the two of you is the truth. One question. And you give me the truth.”

“This is ridiculous.”

“Oh, I think we passed ridiculous a long fucking time ago. So, one question: Did you—did either of you—ever tell me anything that wasn't designed to get me to do what you wanted me to do, or was it all just an endless stream of bullshit?”

“Spider, come on, be reasonable...”

“Yeah. That's what I thought. I'm done with you—with both of you. Leave me the fuck alone. Don't touch me, don't talk to me, don't fucking look at me. I'm leaving now. Stay the fuck away from me.”

“Spider, come on, we did what we had to do!”

“I'm pretty sure I just said don't fucking touch me!”

“Hold music, how can there be hold music when I'm calling the Grim Reaper?”

“...Phee-Phee, can I have my hand back now?”

“Wait, it clicked! Hi, I want to resurrect... Oh crap, it's one of those automated things. Resurrection. Reeesssurrreccctiiooonnn. RESURRECTION. Crap, you guys can understand me, right? REPRESENTATIVE. REEEPREEEEESEEEENTATIIIVE. Hi, I'd like to resurrect my son, Ben Ali Vetinari. No, BEN Ali. Vetinari. No, Vetinari with a V. No, not Lee, Ali. A as in apple, L as in Lisa, I as in India. No, I don't want to resurrect India. Is Indy even dead? Oh, for crying out loud... BRAVO ECHO NOVEMBER. ALPHA LIMA INDIA. VICTOR ECHO TANGO INDIA NOVEMBER ALPHA ROMEO INDIA. NO, I do NOT want to resurrect India or Victor. They aren't dead! BEN. ALI. VETINARI. No, I would NOT like to purchase additional deathproofing for a low low price of nineteen ninety-five a month. Yes, I understand that it is important insurance, but I'm not interested. No, I am NOT paying with a ReaperCo charge card. No, I am NOT interested in a ReaperCo charge card. ...Listen, if you don't give my son back to me right this very minute I swear I will reach through this phone and slap you silly. No, I am NOT interested in taking a survey about my experience today.”

“Yes! I'm opaque!”

“All right! Benjy's back!”

“I'm really sorry, Mom.”

“Jojo, I'm so sorry for what I did.”

“It's okay. I kind of think you've been through enough.”

“I like your hair. It's really... pink.”

“Pink is the best.”

“Can I hold the baby?”

“You're not going to do anything to him, are you?”

“No, I just... never had a nephew before.”

“So I guess this means we're all good now? Everything's cool. Right?”

“Cass! Hey! Come let me in!”

“Spider?”

“Yeah, it's really me. Accept no substitutes.”

“I was just asking around to see who had a Bone Phone so I could borrow it and bring you back! Dad's dead and... I'm really glad you're here. Who resurrected you?”

“Larch and Sycamore. I don't want to talk about it. I, uh... I don't have anywhere else to go. Can I, you know... Stay here?”

“Of course you can! You know you don't even have to ask. Come on in, sit down, relax!”

“So what do you want to catch up on first? Del's twin, we found her at the wedding,she was an old friend of Gil's, her name is Didi, you'll like her. She's got two kids, both boys. And Del's sort of mellowing out! She's changed a lot, really. We'll all have to get together some time. Not, like, tomorrow, or anything. But I'm sure everyone will be happy to see you. Who else can I tell you about? You were friends with Indy and Chad and those guys, right?”

“Cass, uh... I just got back and I'm kinda tired. Can I maybe just take a nap or something?”

“Oh, duh, of course you're tired! Yeah, you can take Gil's mom's room.”

“Thanks.”

“Spider? Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, anything. You know that.”

“Did it... I mean... You know... Hurt?”

“I'm sorry, Spider. I'm so sorry.”

“Hey, hey, it'll be okay, I promise. I'm sorry any of this happened to you. We'll figure out how to make this all right.”

“Oh! Okay. He's dead, Spider. He's dead and he can't hurt you anymore. He is dead and he's not coming back. It's over.”

“Cass... I can't... Can't...”

“I know. It's okay, Spider. Just go ahead and cry. It's okay.”

“...Spider? I'm starting to lose feeling in my feet.”

“Sorry.”

“Can I go to bed now?”

“Yeah, it's just right over there.”

“'Kay.”

“This is it! We, uh, sort of haven't got around to redecorating this room yet, we had to replace one of the fridges at the bakery and we were sort of strapped for cash.”

“It's fine.”

“I know it's not your thing.”

“I said it's fine.”

“Wright's sake! Spider, are you all right?”

“Fine. Kill the light when you leave?”

“You don't have to say it, I know, okay? I know. My brother's so messed up he makes me look like the poster boy for mental health. He's a million different kinds of screwed up and I don't know if he can pull himself together. I mean, he—I knew it was bad, I did, but I didn't think it was this bad. And I don't... I don't think he wanted to come back. I think he knew he'd never be okay, and he didn't want to have to deal with any of this. Now he's here, and I don't know how to help him. I don't know what to do.”

“You were pretty bad too, Cass. He needs time, and patience, and support, and eventually he'll figure out what he needs, and then he'll be able to tell you how to help him.”

“But he won't. That's not how Spider works.”

“So you'll figure out what does work.”

“I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I didn't think he'd be this bad. Every time I think I've reached my limit on how much I can hate my father...”

“This wasn't all your father, Cass. Spider did some of this to himself.”

“I know, and I know why.”

“You can't hold yourself responsible for his decisions. You can help him. I know you can. Just promise me one thing.”

“What?”

“Don't hurt yourself to help your brother. You've come too far to go sliding back down that hill.”

“I'll try.”

“You really don't have to be here for this, Jack.”

“Eh. I've come this far, haven't I? May as well see the happy ending.”

“Hi, Grandma. You realize, of course, that this means you can no longer make me pee my pants in the middle of the night.”

“Wooo! Mom's alive! No more late-night hauntings! We can all sleep in peace!”

“That's great, Stevie. Now let me at that Bone Phone!”

“That's certainly a new smell.”

“Hush up, Jack, that's my daddy.”

“Tess! You got so old!”

“Daddy, don't you know not to say that sort of thing to a woman?”

“You were just a little girl the last time I saw you.”

“Well, now I'm not. ...And Jack was right, you are a bit ripe. Which I suppose is normal, considering.”

“All I'm saying is, it's been a really long time and I'm worried. Is this normal? Should we call someone and ask?”

“Cass, what's normal for other people who've been resurrected isn't necessarily going to be normal for your brother. I don't know what we should do. I don't even know who to ask.”

“Do you think I should go wake him up?”

“If he needs to sleep, I think we ought to let him sleep.”

“Hey. So, is there, like, breakfast, or something?”

“Spider! Um, it's kind of... nighttime. You sort of slept, like, 24 hours straight.”

“Ah. So, is there, like, dinner, or something?”

“Leftovers in the fridge. Help yourself.”

“So are you feeling any better?”

“I sort of feel like I just got yanked out of this little patch of the afterlife that's the closest thing I ever had to a home, and tossed back into a world that's never brought me anything but pain, and physically I feel like someone's hit me with a bus and then shat in my skull, but no one's pissed me off in twenty-four hours so I guess that's something.”

“You've been asleep for twenty-four hours.”

“Look, I don't know how I feel, okay? I can't deal with everything all at once. Right now, I just wanna focus on the things I can fix. And I'm hungry. So I'm gonna eat. And then I'm gonna go take the world's longest piss, and maybe grab a shower. And very much not think about the things I can't handle, which is damn near everything else. I don't know if I ever really felt like I belonged in this world, and that hasn't changed, only now everything's different because I'm different, and I just don't fucking know.”

“Come on, Spider, have another burger. Stay here and talk for a while.”

“Piss. Shower. Sleep. That's what I can cope with.”

“You can't still be tired! You've slept an entire day!”

“I'm tired. I didn't get a nice relaxing death like everyone else. It took a lot out of me.”

“I'm worried about you. You've been through a lot, and if anyone knows what going through hell does to you, it's me.”

“Okay, then I promise I won't try to kill myself again. I mean, that didn't work the first two times, definition of insanity, et cetera. Anyway. Piss. Shower. Sleep. See you guys tomorrow.”

“That didn't make me less worried.”

“Cass, he's tired. People say things they don't mean when they're tired. You said it yourself: he's been through a lot. Maybe we just have to give him some time.”

“Time's only good if you're doing the right thing with it.”

“You can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to do.”

“I know, but that doesn't mean I have to sit back and watch him self-destruct.”

“Okay, well, it's Archie, so trying to make him stop isn't an option, but did you try asking nicely? Ah, who am I kidding, that never works either. But if you're that eager to get rid of him, maybe I could get a discount? No, I understand I can reverse-rez him if I want, but that just doesn't seem fair. I mean, he's Archie.”

“Yes! Idiot Xander finally did one thing right!”

“Enjoy it, dork. You only ever get one.”

“That's okay.”

“You smell like bacon.”

“It'll be dark in a few minutes. I'm going to bring back Mom.”

“Good for you, bro, but I gotta go see my bitch!”

“Archie! Damn, man, I was wondering if you'd be at the top of the list!”

“Fuck out the way, Tolly.”

“Charming as ever, I see!”

“There's my girl!”

“Maggie! Who's my good girl? Who's my pretty girl? Who missed me so much? Maggie-Mags, best bitch ever, yes you are!”

“And here I figured you'd get laid first.”

“I had something more important to do. Like rub the tummy of the prettiest doggie ever, Maggie-Mags!”

“Where are we going, Cass?”

“Just trust me, okay? I think this is important.”

“But why are we heading back into town? I figured you were just taking me to the bakery or something.”

“Gil can hold down the fort for a while.”

“Wait, I was here, this... This is Larch's house. Cass, take me home!”

“Spider, just trust me. You know I wouldn't hurt you.”

“No, I don't want to be here, I don't want to deal with him again, take me home.”

“You don't have to see him if you don't want to. We're not here for him. This isn't about him, or whatever issues the two of you have.”

“I want to go home.”

“Trust me. I just want to show you something in the yard.”

“Cass, I can't!”

“Trust me. Come on, and trust me.”

“That's... Dad? How did Larch get it?”

“I didn't ask. I thought you might want to... I don't even know what I thought. But it's him, so go ahead and do whatever you want to do.”

“Well, okay. So, I'll just be over by the car, then. When you're finished.”

“Huh. That's certainly the portrait of mental health.”

“Shouldn't you be older?”

“Sycamore said some pirate vampire dropped off a potion, told her to give it to me. Turns out it was a cure for the crusties.”

“Too bad it wasn't a cure for the rest of the crap that's broken with your brain.”

“Et tu, Cassidy? I'm not the only one here with a broken brain, clearly. What's it like living with a ticking time bomb?”

“My brother isn't dangerous.”

“No? You haven't had a moment of black-eyed surprise, then? Or are you just pretending that if he loses it, he'll magically know who not to hurt?”

“I trust Spider not to hurt me. He'd never.”

“So you're willing to gamble with your husband? Or do you think Spider will know he's off-limits too, if he blows his stack?”

“If he's unstable, it's only because of what you did to him. You and your brother.”

“You admit that he's not okay, then.”

“I'm not blind or stupid, whatever anyone else thinks.”

“I don't think you're blind or stupid, just looking for a convenient spot to place the blame.”

“Why shouldn't I put the blame where it belongs? You like to talk a good game about your family, and how you had to keep them safe, but you know what? Spider and I are your family too. And yet you manipulated Spider and let me suffer.”

“You were a grown man, making your own choices. It wasn't my business to stop you from doing anything.”

“You could have been honest with us. You could have tried to help me. If you'd told me that you were looking out for Spider, and told me that I didn't have to feel guilty, I might have done things differently.”

“Spider was too good a weapon to leave up to chance.”

“Don't you get it? If Spider's nothing more than a weapon, then none of what's happened has been his fault, because you don't blame the thing for the actions of the person behind it, and everything he's going through should be on you instead. If he's not just a thing, if you want to place the blame and the guilt and all of it onto him, then he's a person, and he deserved better than what you did to him, and you're the asshole. You don't get to have it both ways.”

“Fine. So my hat's not shiny and white. I still won, didn't I?”

“Yeah. And just because you won doesn't make you the hero.”

“Of course not. My underpants are on the inside.”

“Sure. That's the reason. And not the traumatized kid you left in your wake.”

“Hey, no pinning that solely on me and mine. You could have left your jerk of a boyfriend any time.”

“I know my role in this. Even if he doesn't admit it, it's something I have to live with every single day. My hat isn't all that pristine either, but at least I don't expect people to treat me like it is.”

“Everyone involved in this got their hands dirty. No one's innocent here.”

“But it didn't need to go down like it did. ...He's getting up. You should make yourself scarce. You're definitely not on his Do Not Hurt list.”

“Are you done?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Are you okay?”

“I'm good.”

“Spider, I mean, it's okay not to be good, you get that, right? You're allowed to not be good. Nobody's going to judge you for it.”

“I'm good.”

“Good, it worked, and no one is on fire!”

“Thank you for waiting until after dark, Xander.”

“Tess told me you were a vampire. I didn't want to do this during the day.”

“Is Archie here?”

“He wanted to go see his dog. Or possibly some of the SimSelves. It's hard to tell.”

“Probably the dog. You know he loves his dog.”

“It's a good thing we didn't raise cats, isn't it?”

“I'm sure he would have had a fantastic time with that.”

“Really? That's fantastic! When? Yeah, of course we'll be there—Gil and I will bring dessert! Sure, yeah, see you in a bit!”

“Cass, what—?”

“My mom, Gil, someone brought back my mom. They're having everyone over to Didi's in a couple of hours so everyone can meet her. Can you imagine?”

“That's really great, honey.”

“But...”

“But what?”

“What if she doesn't like you? What if she doesn't like... you know. Me.”

“You know how much she loved you. That won't have changed.”

“But... She didn't know.”

“Cass, if she really is the woman you described to me, then she'll love you as much now as she did back then. No question.”

“I guess you're right.”

“Spider? Do you want to come?”

“No. I don't think I should.”

“It won't be like that.”

“I can't handle it if it is. I'm not sure I can handle it if it isn't. I can't go.”

“It's family.”

“It's too much for me, Cass. Even on my best day, I couldn't have gone somewhere with so many strangers.”

“We can tell them to leave you alone, if you want.”

“It's not just them, it's her. And what she means. I can't. But go, have fun. Enjoy yourselves. I'm going to go take a nap. I'll be here when you get back, and you can tell me how it was.”

“I don't want to leave you by yourself.”

“I'll be fine. This is your mom. I know how much you've wanted this. Go to the party. I'll be fine, I promise.”

“If you change your mind, we'll be at Didi's. You can't miss the house, it's like a big pink princess castle.”

“Pink princess castle, got it.”

“Cass, door! ...Right, you're not here.”

“Jane!”

“Hello, Spider. I hope you don't mind if I come in.”

“No, you can't... You can't be here.”

“Why not? It seems like a perfectly lovely place to be.”

“But... you can't... You can't be...”

“I can't be what?”

“You can't be nice to me.”

“I think I can be nice to whomever I choose.”

“Please just go.”

“Spider, do you really think I blame you?”

“How can you not?”

“That's not who I am. I know you blame yourself. I know you've taken on more burden than you deserve. I know you better than anyone.”

“How?”

“Because you left my urn where it was, Spider. Every night, I watched you toss and turn, until you stopped sleeping. I saw your heartbreak and your hurt. I know that what your father did to you was nothing compared to what you did to yourself. When you lost hope, there was nothing I could do, even if I knew how it was going to end. I watched your father destroy the things you'd left behind, and I knew you weren't coming back.”

“Please don't.”

“If you really need my forgiveness, you have it, but the truth is you've nothing to apologize for. Of course I don't blame you for what happened to me. I know who was responsible. It was never you.”

“The only reason I'm here is because you died.”

“And if it hadn't been me, it would have been Cassidy. You protect the ones you love.”

“You know I'm sorry, right?”

“Yes, but you aren't responsible for making amends for your father's misdeeds.”

“I can't help but feel like I'm just like him if I let myself off the hook.”

“You're not. He'd never even think that he should feel bad about the things he's done.”

“...So why are you here?”

“There's a party. And I want all of my children to be there.”

“But I'm not...”

“Spider, you wouldn't be here if it weren't for me, and that makes you my child just as much as the rest of them.”

“Delirium will be there, and I don't want to make trouble.”

“No excuses. Come to the party, and meet your family.”

“...Okay.”

“Spider?”

“This was a mistake. I think I'm gonna puke.”

“You'll be fine.”

“I don't know how to deal with... people.”

“Spider? What are you doing here?”

“Aaaand I'm just gonna go now.”

“I didn't mean it like that! Wait, will you?”

“Can you just... not yell at me? I sort of can't handle... anything... right now.”

“I don't want to yell at you. I want to apologize to you.”

“...I don't know if I can handle that either.”

“Spider, I'm sorry. I was never really mad at you. I knew who was responsible for all the massive amount of shit that got dumped on me, but it wasn't safe to be angry at Dad, and you were just... convenient.”

“Um? Okay. I mean, I got that, even back then. I forgive you, if it matters.”

“It does, thanks. Didi's inside, getting the plates. Everybody else is in the back. You should grab a hamburger with us.”

“Sure.”

“You must be Spider. I'm Delight, but I guess you knew that already.”

“Sort of, yeah. It was kind of a weird moment.”

“When you died?”

“That too.”

“I'd hug you, but Cass says you're not a hugger!”

“Yeah, please don't.”

“We're all having lunch out back. I asked everybody to leave you a seat by Cass and Gil, since you know them already.”

“Thanks.”

“I'm so excited! I get to meet my mom for the first time! Isn't it great?”

“That's... certainly a word for it.”

“Come on and join us—I had Nolan save you a burger.”

“Sure. I can eat a hamburger. Can't I?”

“Of course you can, silly!”

“I gotta go.”

“Sorry about that, everybody. He gets a little... overstimulated... sometimes. We're working on it. It's a process.”

“I'll go make sure he's okay.”

“Are you sure? I could go if you want to finish your lunch.”

“Thanks, Didi, but it's better if I go. Hold the cake until we get back?”

“Spider? What's up? You didn't even touch your burger.”

“I'll throw up if I eat.”

“Okay.”

“And it's too noisy. There's too many people. I can't.”

“I'm pretty sure this is just a panic attack.”

“It's not just anything.”

“No, you're right.”

“You gotta give me something to work with, Spider. I'm trying to help you, but I don't know what you need.”

“I don't know either, but I can't do this. It's too much.”

“Okay. So why don't you hang out in here for a while, and the rest of us can finish lunch, and after cake the kids can go off and do whatever it is that teenagers do, and then it'll just be the adults, and you can come out and join us then? Fewer people. Less noise. I'll even save you a slice of cake.”

“I can't do this. I need to go home.”

“I know you can do this.”

“I can't.”

“Then just try.”

“I need to go home!”

“Spider?!”

“Well... shit.”

“Isn't Spider with you?”

“No, he'd... had enough, so he decided to go home.”

“Was it something we said? Or something we did?”

“No. It's just... Spider. He's kind of messed up.”

“Are you leaving too? Doesn't he need a ride back to Bluewater Village? It's a long walk.”

“He sort of... teleported. I guess he can do that now? We should leave after cake, though, make sure he's okay.”

“I can go without you, Cass. I know you wanted to stay longer and catch up with everyone.”

“Thanks, but it's better if I'm there.”

“I can poke my head into his bedroom as easily as you can.”

“I know, but I'm worried about him. I think maybe being here doesn't help. It might be time to take him to Twikkii Island and see if a change of scenery is what he needs.”

“No arguments from me! An island vacation is the best news I've heard all week.”

“Eddie, great news! I just heard from Archie and Xander! They're bringing people back! You'll get to see your mother again.”

“Yeah, that's super, really.”

“What's the matter? I thought you'd be happier about this! Isn't this what you've wanted for years? Why the total lack of excitement?”

“Dad, I think it's maybe time we had a talk...”

“Geez, still? Spider, can we talk about this?”

“What's there to talk about?”

“This. Like, the this this.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“I don't know, and that's kind of the problem. I wanna help you, you know that, but I don't know what the problem is.”

“Everything.”

“No, it's not. That's just the way it feels. Believe me, I've been there. Damn, Spider, I'm sorry this happened to you, the whole thing, and I wish I could go back and make it so you never had to go through any of this, but I can't. You—we—need to move forward, but that's hard to do when you're sitting here curled up in a ball instead of trying to live your life.”

“I never had a life to live. I never expected to have one. How do I even start? You make it sound like it's easy, like I should just know how to do it, but I don't. And this place, this world, doesn't feel like someplace I belong. Everything's too loud, too bright, too harsh, too busy, and I don't have control. Everybody wants me to be okay, and I'm not, and I don't know if I ever will be, and I'm tired of pretending. I'm just... tired.”

“Well, it's time to stop being tired, because I know where that road leads, and so do you. So we're going to take a baby step now. You're going to get into a vertical position and come out onto the back balcony with me. And this is non-negotiable, in case you were wondering.”

“Happy now? This is me, upright under the burning light of the daystar, as you requested.”

“Still haven't managed to get tired of the sarcasm, I see.”

“What am I doing out here?”

“Not being in the fetal position in bed, mostly.”

“Do you get some sort of weird sense of amusement from this?”

“No, not really. But we're someplace you've never been, someplace without any associations for you, someplace new to explore, which means the only thing dragging you down is you, and that's gotta change.”

“Come on, Cass. When haven't I been my own worst enemy?”

“That's just it—you decided to do this to yourself, and you can decide to stop. I'm not saying it'll be easy, but you're stopping yourself from being happy, and that's not fair.”

“I spent most of my life telling myself that I'd never be happy. I knew—I always knew—that a fairy tale Happily Ever After was never in the cards for me. It's not a switch, Cass, I can't just flip it and change my mind. And you want to know the worst part? The thing that I really can't fucking wrap my head around? Now that I can do anything I want, I don't know what I want to do. I've never been myself, I've always been whoever other people wanted me to be, so I don't even know who the fuck I really am. I'm just the guy with crazy powers who's so fucked up he can't ever see his way clear to a happy fucking ending.”

“That's what this is about? Happily Ever After? Come on, Spider, you're smarter than that. The only reason fairy tales end with Happily Ever After is because they end when it's convenient. The thing is, the story keeps going. Eventually, Prince Charming has to deal with the fact that he picked his wife based on shoe size rather than personality, and at some point, it's going to become apparent that you shouldn't choose the leader of your country based on who can yank a piece of pointy metal out of a boulder. There is no single Happily Ever After. The weird part about happy endings is that you get to decide what Happily Ever After is for you. And if you don't know who you are, maybe that's where you start. Maybe you'll never get to your happy ending, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try. So think about what you want. That's who you are, and I know who you are even if you don't, and I believe that you can get there.”

“Cass? I'm really sorry I'm so fucked up.”

“It's okay. Tell you what, I'm gonna go get Gilbert, and then the three of us are going to go to the shipwreck, and if it's too bright, we'll buy you a pair of sunglasses, all right? So hang out here for a few minutes, maybe think about what it is that'll make you happy.”