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ToallwhomIlove.

Emancipateyourselffrommentalslavery;nonebutourselvescanfreeourminds.

—BobMarley

Amomentofclaritywithoutanyactionisjustathoughtthatpassesinthewind.Butamomentofclarityfollowedbyan

actionisapivotalmomentinourlife.

—donMiguelRuizJr.

Contents

AMessagefromthePublisher:HowThisBookCameintoBeing

ExplanationofKeyTerms

Introduction

1.TheMakingofaMaster

2.UnderstandingOurDomesticationandAttachments

3.UnconditionalLoveforYourself

4.UnconditionalLoveforOthers

5.SpottingtheTriggersandManeuveringtheTraps

6.BreakingtheCycleoftheAutomatic

7.MultipleMasks

8.GoalSetting

9.ComparisonandCompetition

MyWishforYou

Acknowledgments

AMessagefromthePublisher:HowThisBookCameintoBeing

KnowThyself

ThesewerethewordsinscribedattheentranceoftheTempleofApollo,homeof theOracle ofDelphi, arguably themost famouswoman in all of AncientGreece. History tells us that thousands upon thousands of people, includingkings,queens,statesmen,philosophers,andcommonpeoplealike,wouldtravelhundredsofmiles ormore to receiveher prophetic guidance everyyear.Thetempleitselfwasatoweringstructurethatreacheditspinnacleof influenceinthemiddlecenturiesofthefirstmillenniaBCE.Atthetime,itwasconsideredthemostimportantreligiousshrineinallofGreece.

Buildingamassivetemplelikethis,evenwithouradvancedmachineryandmodern technology, would still be amajor undertaking by today's standards.Modernarchitectsmarvelattheintelligence,craftsmanship,andlaborthatwentintocreatingthistemple,butIfinditmorefascinatingthatofallthemessagesthat could have been written at its entrance, the two-word axiom “KnowThyself” was chosen. Perhaps the oracle wanted to be sure that if youremembered only onemessage from your pilgrimage, then knowing yourselfshouldbe it. Ioftenwonderwhat theworldwould look like today ifsomeofourmodernreligionstaughtthatself-knowledge,ratherthanblindadherencetoexternalguidanceanddogma,wastheparamountgoalofthespiritualpath.

Notlongafterthezenithoftheoracle,andontheothersideoftheworld,agroupofpeoplecametogethertoformanewcivilizationinwhatisnowsouthcentralMexico.TheycalledthemselvesToltec,whichmeans“artist.”Butthesepeoplewerenotartistsinthetraditionalsense(althoughsomewerepaintersandsculptorsalso);rather,theysawthemselvesasartistsoflife,andtheworldweinhabitasthecanvasuponwhichtheypaintedtheirmasterpiece.Thelegacyofthe Toltecs and their teachings has been handed down from generation to

generation, often in secrecywhen the politics of the day required it, anddonMiguelRuizJr. is the latest teacher in theEagleKnight lineageof theToltecpeople.

When Miguel approached me about writing a book on self-mastery, Icouldn't help but think of the Oracle of Delphi and her 2,500-year-oldinstructiontoKnowThyself.IwonderedhowthissageadvicewouldappearinthecontextofhisToltecancestry.Thebookyouareholdingnow,Iampleasedto say, conveysexactly this—andmuch,muchmore.Miguelpresents ancientwisdom in amodernway, and helps us to apply this timeless truth ofKnowThyselfinoureverydaylives.

Intheopeningchapters,Miguellaysthegroundworkforthebook,providinga framework based on his Toltec tradition. He explains how the events andactionsofyourpasthave shapedyourpresent reality.The followingchaptersarewherehereallydigsin,givingyouthetoolsyouneedtodiscoverwhoyouare at the deepest level, uncover any self-limiting beliefs you have falselyacceptedasfact,andreleaseanyattachmentsyouareholdingthatcontinuouslydragyoudown.The laterchapterswillhelpyouchartanewcourse towhereyoureallywanttogo,whichforsomeofyoumaybeaverydifferentplacethanwhereyouarecurrentlyheading.

Miguelhasstressedtomeonmanyoccasionsthatit'snotenoughtojustreadthe informationcontained in thesepages; it'swhenyouchoose to incorporatethisknowledgeintoyourlifethatyoureceivethebenefits.Tothisaim,hehasincludedexercisesattheendofmanychaptersthataredesignedtohelpyoudojust that. Returning to the Greek world for a moment, we can say that theexercises are where logos (knowledge) becomes praxis (practice)—or, asMiguelwrites,“understandingtheteachingsisthefirststep,butapplyingthemiswhatmakesyouaMaster.”

Sowithout further ado, it is with great pleasure that I present to you donMiguelRuizJr.'sTheMasteryofSelf.Mayitserveyouwellonyourjourneyofself-discovery.

RandyDavila

Publisher

HierophantPublishing

ExplanationofKeyTerms

Ally—Thevoiceofyour internalnarratorwhen it inspiresyou to live,create,andloveunconditionally.Theallycanalsoofferconstructiveself-talk.

Attachment—The action of taking something that is not a part of you andmakingitapartofyouthroughanemotionalorenergeticinvestment.Youcanattachtoexternalobjects,beliefs,ideas,andevenrolesyouplayintheworld.

Authentic Self—The Divine inside of you; the force that gives life to yourmindandyourbody.It'ssimilar to theconceptof thespiritor thesoul that ispresentinmanyreligioustraditions,butit'snotexactlythesame.

Awareness—Thepracticeofpayingattentioninthepresentmomenttowhatishappening inside your body and your mind as well as in your immediatesurroundings.

Domestication—The primary system of control in the Dream of the Planet.Startingwhenweareveryyoung,wearepresentedwitheither a rewardorapunishment for adopting the beliefs and behaviors of what others findacceptable.Whenweadoptthesebeliefsandbehaviorsasaresultofeithertherewardorpunishment,wecansaywehavebeendomesticated.

Dreamof thePlanet—The combination of every single being in theworld'sPersonalDream,ortheworldwelivein.

Narrators—The voices in your mind that speak to you throughout the day,whichcanbeeitherpositive(ally)ornegative(parasite).

Parasite—Thevoiceofthenarratorwhenitusesyourbeliefs,formedthroughdomesticationandattachment,toholdpoweroveryoubyplacingconditionsonyourself-loveandself-acceptance.Thisnegativevoicecausessadness,anxiety,andfear.

Personal Dream—The unique reality created by every individual; yourpersonal perspective. It is themanifestation of the relationship between yourmindandbody.

Toltecpeople—AnancientgroupofNativeAmericanswhocame together insouthandcentralMexicotostudyperception.ThewordToltecmeans“artist.”

Toltecwarrior—Onewho is committed to using the teachings of theToltectraditiontowintheinnerbattleagainstdomesticationandattachment.

Introduction

IMAGINEFORAMOMENTthatyouareinadream.

In this dream, you find yourself at a huge partywith thousands of people,where you are the only sober person and everyone else is drunk. The otherpartygoersareinvaryingstatesofintoxication.Afewpeoplehavehadjustoneor two drinks and are only tipsy; most fall into the realm of generaldrunkenness; and a handful are so drunk that they are making spectacles ofthemselves inall sortsofcolorfulways.Theymayevenhaveblackedout, astheiractionsseemcompletelyoutoftheircontrol.

Some of the people at this party are your friends and family, some areacquaintances,butmostyoudon'tknow.You try to talk toa fewpeople,butyou quickly realize that their intoxication level has altered their ability tocommunicateclearly;ithascloudedtheirviewpoint.Youalsonoticethateachpersonisexperiencingthepartydifferently,dependingonhisorherdegreeofdrunkenness,andyourinteractionschangewitheverydrinktheyconsume.

The partygoers range from loud, outgoing, and merry, to shy, quiet, andsullen.As the party rages on, youwatch everyone alternate between the twoendsof thespectrum: fromhappy tosad,excited toapathetic.They fightandmakeup,argue,embrace,andargueagain,andyouwatchas this typeofoddbehaviorrepeatsitselfendlesslyincyclesthroughoutthenight.Yourealizethateventhoughtheyaredrunk,it'snottheboozetheycravemoreof,butratherthedramaoftheparty.

As the night continues, your interactions with the partygoers vary frompersontoperson.Whilesomeareenjoyable,othershavethepotentialtoquicklyturn volatile. Since their perception is clouded, the other partygoers reactemotionallytosituationsthatyoucanseearepurefantasy.Forsomeofthem,thedreamhasbecomeanightmare.

Mostimportantofall,it'sclearthatnooneatthispartyknowsthisisalljustadream.

Then it occurs toyou that this isnot anewparty,butoneyou've attendedbefore.Atonepointyouwerejustlikethem.Youwentthroughallthevaryingdegrees of drunkenness, behaving exactly as those around you are now.Youconversed through the fogof booze, joined the folly of the party, and let theintoxicationguideyouractions.

Finally, it's clear that no one there realizes you are now sober.They thinkyouarestilldrunk, just likethem.Theydonotseeyourpath,onlytheirown.Theyviewyouonlyasadistortion,projectedbytheiralcohol-addledminds,notas you actually are. They are also completely unaware of the true effect theliquorishavingonthem.Eachislostinhisorherowndreamoftheparty.Theydonotseehowtheirinteractionsarenolongerundertheircontrol.Asaresult,theycontinuallytrytoenticeyoutojointhedramaoftheparty,tojointhefollythattheirdistortedperceptionhascreated.

Whatwillyoudo?

ChapterOneTheMakingofaMaster

AT THE PEAK of her journey, a Toltec warrior clears her mind of beliefs,domestication, and attachments, marking the end of a war within herself forpersonal freedom.Surroundingher is an infinitenumberofpossibilities, eachoneachoicethatleadsinauniquedirectioninlife.Whenshemakesachoicethrough her action, she knows that the path she follows is ultimately nodifferent than the other paths, as they all lead to the same place. She has nodemandsforanyoutcome,assherealizesthatthereisnowheresheneedstogoandnothingsheneedstodoinordertofindherself.Heractionisaresultofthepurejoyofrealizingthatsheisaliveatthismomenttochooseoneofthemanypossibilities.

This livingwith aquietmindcreates a stateofpurebliss that comes frombeingentirelyinthemoment.Trulynothingmattersbutthepresent,becauseitistheonlyplacewherelifecanexpressitself.

Thisisastatethatmanyofyouhaveexperiencedatsomepointinyourlife,when you were completely engaged in the now. Some people experience itwhile theyare exercising, consciouslycreating,being innature,making love,or, of course,meditating or praying. It's themomentwhen themind and thebodyareincompleteawarenessoftheexperienceoflife.Itcanalsobesaidthatitisduringthesemomentsthatweoftenreachapurestateofunconditionalloveforeverythingandeveryone,includingourselves.

Whilelivingfull-timeinthisstateofpureblissisagoalformany,mostwillagreeitiseasiersaidthandone—especiallyifwedon'tliveisolatedawayfromtheworld. Surrounded by other people, we choosewhowewill interact andengagewith,andit'softenintheseinteractionsthatthetroublebegins.

In the Toltec tradition, the main function of the mind is to dream, or toperceiveand toproject information.ThePersonalDreamis theuniquerealitycreated by every individual; it's their perspective, a manifestation of the

relationship between mind and body, and intent is the energy that animatesboth.Asour sharedknowledge and experiencemingle together,we co-createtheDreamofthePlanet,whichisthecombinationofeverysinglebeingintheworld's Personal Dream. While we live individual dreams based on ourindividual perceptions, the Dream of the Planet is the manifestation of oursharedintentions,whereweallowourideasandagreementstoflowbetweenus.IfthereisharmonyinthePersonalDream,thenthereisaconstantopportunityforharmonywiththeDreamofthePlanet.

Sinceyouarereadingthisbook,it'slikelythatyoudon'tliveinacloisteredmonasteryor ashram,or all alonehigh atop amountain.Youhave chosen toengageintheworld,andyouwanttoenjoyyourselfintheprocess.Solitudecanbe a great tool for healing and communion with oneself, but it is ourinteractionswithothersthatwillallowustothriveandenjoyanactivelife.Iflifeislikeacarnival,youhavecometoridetherides.

But engaging in theDreammeans youwill likely develop preferences forcertain potential paths—or, in otherwords, youwill havewants and desires.When you become too attached to those desires and they aren't fulfilled, theresultisthatyousuffer.Therearealsobillionsofothersinvolvedinco-creatingthe Dream of the Planet, many of whom have wants and desires that aredifferentfromyours.Withoutrespectandunderstanding,drama,disagreement,andevenconflictaresuretooccur.Thisbegsthequestion,isthereawayyoucan engage in an active life without becoming too attached to your ownpersonal preferences?Can you remain calm and balancedwhen dealingwithothers, seeing them and yourself through the eyes of unconditional love, andconsequentlynotbedrawn into thedramaof theparty? Inmyexperience theanswertobothquestionsisyes,andthatisthesubjectofthisbook.ThiscanbedonethroughaprocesscalledtheMasteryofSelf.

YoubecomeaMasterofSelfwhenyoucanengagetheDreamofthePlanetand everyone in it without losing sight of your Authentic Self, and whilemaintainingtheawarenessthateverychoiceyoumakeisyourown.Youarenolongercaughtupinthedramaoftheparty.WhenyouengagewiththeDreamofthePlanetwiththeawarenessandremembrancethatit'sonlyadream,youareabletomovefreely,liberatedfromthechainsofattachmentanddomestication.

Anattachmentistheactionoftakingsomethingthatisnotapartofyouandmaking it a part of you through an emotional or energetic investment.WhenyoubecomeattachedtosomethingintheDreamofthePlanet,yousuffereverytimetheobjectofyourattachmentisthreatened,andthisistrueregardlessofif

thethreatisrealoranillusion.Mostpeoplenotonlyattachtotheirwantsanddesires as they relate to material things, but also to their beliefs and ideas.Althoughanattachmentissomethingthatcanoccurnaturallyinthemoment,itbecomes unhealthy when you lose the ability to detach from it when themoment ends or when the belief no longer reflects the truth. Inmanyways,attachments to beliefs are far more destructive than attachments to externalitems,becausebeliefsandideasaremuchhardertospotandletgoof.

Domestication is thesystemofcontrol in theDreamof thePlanet; it is theway we learn conditional love. Starting when we are very young, we arepresented with either a reward or a punishment for adopting the beliefs andbehaviors of others in theDream.This systemof reward and punishment, ordomestication, is used to control our behavior.The result of domestication isthatmanyofusgiveupwhowe reallyare inexchange forwhowe thinkweshould be, and consequently we end up living a life that is not our own.Learning how to spot and release our domestication, and reclaimingwhowereallyareintheprocess,isahallmarkofaMasterofSelf.

Whenyoubecomesodomesticatedbyorattachedtoabelieforideathatyoucan't let go of it, your choices narrowuntil any notion of choice is really anillusion.Yourbeliefsnowdefineyou, and theywilldictateyourchoice.Youare no longer the master of your own self, as your domestication andattachments are controllingyou.Asa result, youwill engagewithothers andyourselfinawaythatdoesnotserveyourhighestgood.Youhavejoinedintothedramaoftheparty,anditnowshapesyourPersonalDream.

TheDreamofthePlanetisfulloftrapstolureyoubackintothedramaoftheparty, and falling into oneof themcanhappen in theblinkof an eye. If youchoose to engage with the world, avoiding all traps is virtually impossible.However,whenyoubecomeaware thatyouarefalling intoa trap, thesimpleact of noticing it allows you to begin to regain control.As you get better atspottingthetrapsandunderstandingyourownunderlyingemotionsandbeliefsthatmakethemtrapsforyouinthefirstplace,youarefarlesslikelytotakethebait.Andevenwhenyoudo,youcanletgoofwhateveryouareattachedtooasquicklyasyourwilldictates.Itmayseemcounterintuitive,butyouchoosetoletgoinordertobeincontrol.DoingsoistheMasteryofSelfinaction.

AsaMasterofSelf,youcanhaverelationshipswithothers,eventhosewhodisagreewithyou,whilestillbeinggrounded inyourAuthenticSelf.Youareabletomaintainyourfreewillandrespectthefreewillofothers.Knowingthatothersseeyouinaspecificwaygivesyouchoiceswhenyouengagewiththem.

Youshape-shiftonlyintheirperception,andyourawarenessofthatallowsyouto stay true to yourself and not give in to the temptation to take on others'definitionsofwhoyouare.Yourealizethatyoudon'thavetoputonanyimagethatothersprojectontoyoubecauseyouknowitisnotyourreality.Withthisawareness, you will be better able to co-create harmoniously with others,makingtherelationshipsthatmattermosttoyoumorefulfillingandrewarding.

Mostimportantly,whenyoubecomeaMasterofSelf,youknowhowtostaygrounded in yourAuthentic Self regardless of what's happening around you.Youalsohave theawareness to realizequicklywhenyouareacting inawaythat isn'thelpful toyourselforothersandcan spot those situationswhenyouarefeedingyourego,orthefalsesenseofself,insteadoflivinginpeace.Inthisway,youfreeyourselffromthedramaandself-inflictedsufferingcreatedbysomanypeople.

WithoutawarenessofhowtoengagetheDreamofthePlanetandthebeingswhocreateit, it istooeasytointernalizewhatishappeningaroundyou,ortoforget that it is all a dream.As a result, your attachmentsgrowuntil you areconsumed with the drama of the party. Becoming aMaster of Self is aboutmaintainingawarenessofyourcenterwhileyouareinteractingwiththeDreamof the Planet, remembering that it's all a dream. Staying centered whileengagingwith theworld ismucheasier said thandone,and thisbookwillbedevotedtoteachingyouexactlyhowtodothat.

Self-masteryisnotanisolatedideawithintheToltectradition,aseveryformof spiritual discipline provides a map to help us live in harmony within theDreamofthePlanetbyfreeingourmindfromthetyrannyofourownthinkingand being affected by the projections of others. That being said, the Toltectraditionhassomeuniquecontributionstothiseffort,andwe'lldiscusstheseingreaterdetailinthepagesthatfollow.

Before we deconstruct and rebuild the world around us, starting withourselves,weneedagreaterunderstandingofattachments,domestication,andthedifferencebetweenconditionalandunconditionallove.Then,andonlythen,canwereconstructourPersonalDreaminpeaceandharmony.

ChapterTwoUnderstandingOurDomesticationandAttachments

THERE IS AN OLD Toltec story that has been shared across generations inmyfamilyaboutashamanwhocalledhimselftheSmokeyMirror.Hegavehimselfthisnameoncehebecameawareofthesmokethatnotonlycloudedhisvisionand controlled his will, but also did the same to everyone around him. ArecountingoftheSmokeyMirrorstorywillbehelpfulaswebegintogodeeperintotheMasteryofSelf.

Aftermanyyears of study and in amoment of great realization, a shamanexperiences the truth.“Iammadeof light; Iammadeofstars.The realus ispure love,pure light,”hesays.Ashe looksaroundhisvillage,heknows thateveryoneandeverythinghesees isamanifestationofGod,andhe intuitivelyunderstandsthatthehumanjourneyisaprocessoftheDivinebecomingawareofItself.

Moved by this realization, the shaman immediately wants to share thisinformationwitheveryoneinhisvillage.Butwhenhedoesso,itbecomesclearto him that noone else understands.The shaman then realizes that there is asmoky fog between him and others, and this fog doesn't allow people to seebeyond the tip of their own nose. The fog controls their every action, everybelief.

Theshamanalsonoticesthatasheinteractswithothersthefogtriestoassertitscontroloverhimagain.Butassoonashenoticesthefogcreepingbackin,the simple act of noticing makes the fog dissipate. As the fog recedes, hebecomesawareofamirrorinfrontofhimandhecanvaguelyseehisreflection.Whenthefogcompletelyclears,hecanseehimselffullyagain.

Theshamanisawarethatheisthetruth,andthereflectioninthemirrorisareminder;itonlyreflectsthetruth.Hebeginstounderstandthereflectionasan

instrumentofawareness.

Every time the fogbegins tocreep inandkeephimfromknowingwhohereally is, he can look tohismirror. If it is cloudyor he can't seehimself, heknows he is on the wrong track, trapped in the fog. But as soon as heremembers his Authentic Self, the smoke immediately begins to clear. Toremind himself of who he really is and the power of the fog to obscure hisperception,theshamanchangeshisnametotheSmokeyMirror.

This powerful story encapsulates a core teaching in my family's Toltectradition. The fog represents our attachments and our domestications, whichtogetherkeepusfromexperiencingthetruthofwhoweare.

DomesticationLetmebegintoexplaindomesticationwithasimplestory.

Imagineachildofeightorninehavinglunchwithhisgrandmother,whohasprepared soup for their afternoon meal. They sit together and converse,enjoyingeachother'scompanyandthelovetheyshare.

After finishing half his bowl of soup, the child realizes he is full. “I don'twanttherest,Grandmother.Iamfull.”

“Youmusteatallyoursoup,Grandson,”shereplies.

Whetheryouareaparentornot,itislikelyclearwhatthisboy'sgrandmotheristryingtodo.Herintentionsareadmirable;shewantshimtoeatinordertobenourished.Whenhedeclines,shetriestoconvincehimtoeatmorebyofferinghimarewardfordoingwhatshewants.Thisisthefirsttoolofdomestication.

“Youmust finishyoursoup,”shesays.“Itwillmakeyougrowupbigandstrong,likeSuperman!”

Buttheyoungboyisundeterred.“No,Iamnothungry,”heinsists.“Idon'twanttoeatanymorerightnow.”

In addition to not being hungry, the child is also enjoying the feeling ofassertinghimself,becauseitfeelspowerful tosayno, toexpresshisfreewill.Hecanalso feel that samesenseofpowerwhenhe saysyes to the thingshewants, and it feels good to say it. This is how young children (includingourselveswhenwewereyoung)learnaboutthepowerofintent:bystatingyesandno.

Eventually,theboyreachesthethresholdofhisgrandmother'spatience,andwhenthecarrotdoesn'twork,shereachesforthesticktoimposeherwilluponhim.Likemanygrandparentsandtheirparentsbeforethem,shecrossesthelineofrespectforhischoiceandaddspunishment—inthiscase,guiltandshaming,whichisthesecondtoolofdomestication.

“Do you know howmany children don't have anything to eat around theworld?They are starving!And here you are,wasting your food. It's a sin towastefood!”

Nowtheyoungboyisconcerned.Hedoesn'twanttolooklikeaselfishchild,andhereallydoesn'twanttobeseenasasinnerinhisgrandmother'seyes.Withasenseofdefeat,herelentsandsubjugateshiswill.

“OK,Grandma,Iwillfinishmysoup.”

Hebegins to eat again, and he doesn't stop until the bowl is empty.Then,withthetendernessthatmakeshergrandsonfeelsafeandloved,Grandmasays,“That'smygoodboy.”

Theboylearnsthatbycomplyingwiththerulesofthedream,hecanearnareward; in this case, he is a good boy in the eyes of his grandmother andreceivesher loveandencouragement.Thepunishmentwouldhavebeen tobeseenasaselfishchild,asinnerinhereyes,andabadboy.

Thisisasimpleexampleofdomesticationinaction.Noonedoubtsthatthegrandmotherhasthebestofintentions;sheloveshergrandsonandwantshimtoeat his lunch, but the method she is using to achieve that goal has negativeunintended consequences. Anytime guilt and shame are deployed as tools toprovoke action, this counters any good that has been achieved. Eventually,thesenegativeelementswillresurfaceinonewayoranother.

Inthiscase,let'simaginethatwhenthisboygrowsup,thedomesticationthatoccurredaroundthisissueissostrongthatitstillhasanimposingpoweroverhimwellintoadulthood.Forinstance,manyyearslaterhegoesintoarestaurantwhere they serve abigplateof food, andhalfway throughhismealhis bodysignalstohimthetruthofthatmoment:Iamfull.

Consciously,orsubconsciously,hehearsavoice:It'sasintowastefood.

Consciously,orsubconsciously,heanswersYes,Grandma,andcontinuestoeat.

Finishinghisplate likeagoodboy,herespondstohisdomesticationrather

than his needs of the moment. In that instant, he completely goes againsthimselfbycontinuingtoeatafterhisbodyhasalreadylethimknowthatheisfull.Theideaissostrongthatitoverruleshisbody'snaturalpreferencetostop.Overeatingmaydamagehisbody,whichisoneofthenegativeconsequencesinthiscaseofusingguiltandshameasatool.Theotherconsequenceisthatheisexperiencing internal sufferingby relivingapastmomentofguiltandshame,anditiscontrollinghisactionsinthepresent.

Finally,notethathisgrandmotherisnotevenpresentinthecurrentsituation,ashehasnowtakenupthereinsofdomesticationandsubjugatedhisownwillwithout anyone's else's influence. In the Toltec tradition we refer to thisphenomenonasself-domestication.Asmyfatherlikestosay,“Humansaretheonlyanimalsontheplanetthatself-domesticate.”

The relationship between the boy and his grandmother forms a part of theDreamofthePlanet,andthelunchbetweenthegrandmotherandhergrandsonis a basic example of how domestication and self-domestication within theDreamoccurs.Thegrandmotherdomesticatedhergrandsoninthatmoment,buthecontinued to self-domesticatehimself longafter that.Self-domestication istheactofacceptingourselvesontheconditionthatweliveuptotheidealswehaveadoptedfromothersintheDreamofthePlanet,withouteverconsideringifthoseidealsarewhatwetrulywant.

While the consequences of finishing a bowl of soup are minimal,domestication and self-domestication can takemuchmore serious and darkerformsaswell.For instance,manyofus learned tobe critical ofourphysicalappearance because itwasn't “good enough”by society's standards.Wewerepresentedwith thebelief thatweweren't tallenough, thinenough,or thatourskinwasn'ttherightcolor,andthemomentweagreedwiththatbeliefwebegantoself-domesticate.Becauseweadoptedanexternalbelief,weeither rejectedortriedtochangeourphysicalappearancesowecouldfeelworthyofourownself-acceptanceandtheacceptanceofothers.Imagineforamoment themanyindustriesthatwouldceasetoexistifwealllovedourbodiesexactlythewaytheyare.

Tobeclear,domesticationregardingbodyimageisdifferentfromwantingtoloseweightinordertobehealthy,orevenhavingapreferencetolookacertainway.Thekeydifference is thatwith a preference, you come froma place ofself-love and self-acceptance, whereas with domestication you start from aplaceofshame,guilt,andnotbeing“enough.”Thelinebetweenthesetwocanbe thin sometimes, and a Master of Self is one who can look within and

determinehisorhertruemotive.

Another popular formof domestication in the currentDreamof the Planetrevolves around social class andmaterial possessions.There is anunderlyingbeliefpromulgatedbysocietythatthosewhohavethemost“stuff”orwhoholdcertain jobsaresomehowmore important than therest. I, forone,havenevermetanyonewhowasmoreimportantthananyoneelse,asweareallbeautifulanduniquecreationsof theDivine.Andyetmanypeoplepursuecareerpathsthey dislike and buy things they don't reallywant or need all in an effort toachievetheelusivegoalsofpeeracceptanceandself-acceptance.Instancessuchasthese(andwecanthinkofmanyothers)arethewaysinwhichdomesticationleads to self-domestication, and the result is thatwe have people living livesthataren'ttheirown.

Letmeshareanexampleofaclosefriendwhowasdomesticatedinthisway,andhowhebrokefree.Fromaveryyoungage,myfriendwasencouragedbyhis family to become a lawyer. They filled his young mind with stories ofmoneyandpower,andtoldhimhehadalltheskillsnecessarytobesuccessfulinthisendeavor.Withtheencouragementofhisfamily,myfriendstudiedpre-law in college and then went straight into law school. But shortly after hearrived, he found that he couldn't stand the practice of law. In hindsight, herealizedhehadbeendomesticatedtotheideathatbeinganattorneywasgoingtomakehim rich, powerful, and,most importantly, special in the eyesof hisfamily, but the truth was that in adopting this path he was following theirdreams instead of his own. When he announced to his family that he wasdropping out of law school, many of them were disappointed and trieddesperatelytochangehismind,buthewasabletostayfirmbyrelyingonhisownintent.Thatwasmanyyearsago,andhenowchuckleswhenheremembershisformerplans,asheisveryhappyinhiscurrentprofessionasanauthorandspiritualteacher.

This example illustrates how ideas thatwere planted in us as children andbeyondoftendon'treflectourpreferredpath.But,justlikemyfriend,youhavethe power inside you to break free from any domestication that you'veexperienced, and the first step to doing so is becoming aware of thatdomesticationandfindingoutwhatistrueforyou.

Lastly,IwanttobeclearthatalthoughIhavebeenfocusedonthenegativeaspects of domestication, not all domestication results in negativeconsequences. In other words, just because an idea was planted in you viadomesticationdoesn'tmeanthattheideaisabadoneandyoumustrejectit.Ifit

isconsistentwithyourtruepreferencesinlife,that'swonderful.Forinstance,ifmy friend had ended up enjoying the practice of law, then therewould havebeennoreasontomakeacareerchange.Onceyoudecideforyourselfwithaclearmindthataparticularideaorbeliefworksforyou,there'snothingwrongwithmaintainingit.Thepointisthatyoumakeaconsciouschoice.

AttachmentInitsmostbasicsense,attachmentbeginswithitemsintheworld.Youcanseethisinyoungchildren,aroundtheageoftwo,whentheyfirstbegintoassociateand declare objects in their possession as “mine.” Anyone who has everattempted tomake a two-year-old part with a toy can attest to the power ofattachment. Although this is where attachment to items begins, it certainlydoesn'tendthere,asoftenthemoreharmfulattachmentsweholdaretheunseenones,andbythisImeanourattachmenttoourownideas,opinions,andbeliefs.

Inmypreviousbook,TheFiveLevelsofAttachment,Iexplaintheconceptofattachment in detail, and I offer ameasuring stick for the varying degrees towhichyou canbecome tied to your ownbeliefs, ideas, andopinions.For thepurposesofunderstandingattachmentandhowitrelatestotheMasteryofSelf,Iwilluseanabbreviatedexampleofapopularstorythatappearsinthatbook.This example illustrates how if we aren't careful, attachments can quicklybecomeunhealthyandcausesufferinginourlives.

Imaginethatyoulikesoccer.Youdon'thaveaparticularteamorplayerthatyourootfor,anditdoesn'tmatterifit'stakingplaceinamagnificentstadiumoradirt-filledfield;bothareequallygoodforafanwhojust loveswatchingthegame.Theplayerscouldbegreatormediocreandyouwouldn'tcare,aslongaseveryone playing is enjoying the game. As you watch, you generally don'tchoosetorootfororagainstoneside,andevenifyoudochoosetorootforaparticularteam,youdosowithverylittleemotionalinvestment—justenoughtomake thegamemoreexciting.Asa result, regardlessofwhich teamwins thegame,ithasnothingtodowithyoupersonally,asyouhavenotmaderootingforaparticularteamapartofyouridentity.Themomenttherefereeblowsthewhistlethatendsthegame—regardlessofwhichteamwinsorloses—youleavethegamebehind.Youwalkoutofthestadiumandcontinueonwithyourlife,havingenjoyedagoodgame.

Inthiscontext,whenyouwatchagame,youaresimplyenjoyingamomentin time without any attachment to the outcome. You experienced the purest

formofjoy,stemmingfromyourdesiretoexperiencethegameforthesakeofthe game, or life without conditions. Youmaintained your personal freedomthroughouttheprocess,astheoutcomeofthegamedidn'timpactyourlifeonebit.

Keepingwith this analogy, let's imagine thatyou like soccer, butnowyouareacommittedfanofaparticularteam.Theircolorsstrikeanemotionalchordinsideofyou.Whentherefereeblowsthewhistle,theresultofthegameaffectsyou on an emotional level.You are elatedwhen your teamwins;when yourteamloses,youfeeldisappointed.

Yourattachmenttoyourteambeginstoimpactyourpersonallifeoutsidethestadiumgatesasyourelatetotheworldasafan.Forexample,whenyourteamloses, youmight have abadday atwork, arguewith someone aboutwhat orwhoisresponsiblefortheloss,orfeelsaddespitethemanyothergoodthingsgoingonaroundyou.Nomatterwhattheeffectis,you'veletyourattachmenttoa particular outcome change your persona. Your attachment to soccer bleedsintoaworldthathasnothingtodowithit.

If this attachment is left unchecked, it will become stronger and moreentrenched,until the storyofvictoryanddefeatofyour favorite team isnowaboutyou.Yourteam'sperformanceaffectsyourself-worth.Whenreadingthestats, you admonish players formaking “us” look bad. If the opposing teamwins,yougetangrythattheybeat“you.”Notonlyhaveyoubroughtthegamehome,butyouhavealsocompletelyincorporatedthegameintoapartofwhoyouare,shapingyouridentitybyyourbeliefofwhatitmeanstobea“real”fan.

Although the soccer teamhas nothing to dowith you in reality, your self-importancecorrelateswiththesuccessorfailureofthisteambecauseyouchoseto identifyyourselfwith them inparticular.Your life andyour attachment tothis team are so blurred that you can no longer separate the two, and youbelievethatanyonewhodoesn'tagreewithyouaboutthisteamiswrong.Youmightevenbegintomakeloyaltytothisteamaconditionbywhichyouallowotherstobeinarelationshipwithyou.

Ifyouarehavingdifficultyrelatingtothesportsanalogy,let'sconsidertworeal-lifeexamples.AttheendofonesoccerseasoninEurope,abig-nameclubwasrelegated intoa lowerdivisionafteradecisive loss.Afterwitnessing thisloss, a fan went home and hung himself. For him, life was no longer worthlivingifhisteamwasn'tinthePremierLeague.Inanotherinstance,abusdriverwas a fan of a losing team, and hewas so upset by a particular loss that he

drovehisbus intoagroupofpeoplewearing thewinning team's jersey.Fourpeoplediedforwearingthe“wrong”colors.Thisman'sattachmenttohisteamwas so great that he killed for it. For these two people, the joy of watchingsoccerforthesakeofsoccerwaslostlongago.

Fortunately,murder and suicide due to a favorite team's loss are very rareoccurrences.Butwhenweturntotopicssuchasreligion,politics,money,sex,and power, the negative consequences are far more numerous. When youbecome attached to an object, idea, or belief, youmake it a part ofwhoyouthinkyouare.Then,oncethefoghasyou,yourvisionisobscured.Youwillnolongerseethehumanityofanindividualwhodoesn'tagreewithyou,asyoucanonlyseethepersonificationofanideathatyoustandagainst.

Whenyourmirrorisclear,youcanseethedivinityineveryone.Youcangotoanychurch,synagogue,temple,mosque,ordrumcircleandfindandfeeltheloveandgraceofGod.Forthosewhoarelostinthefog,Godjusthappenstobethefocusofdevotionthatthereligioniscenteredon;inotherwords,thebeliefsand rituals of the religion are more important than experiencing God in thepresentmoment.Thisisthepowerofunhealthyattachment.

UnderstandingtheRelationshipBetweenDomesticationandAttachmentIntheexampleofthesoccerfan,anattachmentaroseoutofsomethingthatwasgenuinelyloved:thegameofsoccer.Thefanallowedhisloveforthegametodrawhimintothefog,ashemadethegamepartofhisidentityandconfusedhisassociationwiththeteamforwhohereallywas.

Intheexampleoftheboyandhisgrandmother,theboywasdomesticatedtothe idea thathemust finishallhis food,even though that ideawasn't trueforhim.Andasanadult,headheredtotheideathatheshouldfinishhisfoodevenifhisbodyisindicatingsomethingtothecontrary.Asaresult,heisnowalsoattached to that idea.The difference to understand is this: attachment doesn'talways come from domestication, but domestication left unchecked alwaysleads to attachment. Here's what the evolution from domestication toattachmentlookslike:

1. Domestication. You are domesticated to an idea throughinteractionwithothersintheDreamofthePlanet.(Agrandmother

domesticateshergrandsontotheideathatit'sasinnottofinishallthefoodonhisplate.)

2. Self-domestication. Once this idea is lodged inside you andaccepted, it becomes a belief. You no longer need an outsidedomesticator to enforce this idea; you will do it yourself. This isself-domesticationinaction.(Thegrandsongrowsupandhabituallyfinishesallthefoodonhisplateevenwhenheisn'thungry.)

3.Attachment.Youarenowattachedtothisbelief,anddependingonhowstrongyourattachmentis,youracceptanceofyourselfandothers is contingent upon fulfillment of the belief. (The grandsonfeelsguiltyifhedoesn'tfinishthefoodonhisplate;headmonisheshis friends for not finishing their food, and he domesticates hischildrentothesameidea.)

Asyoucansee,attachmentscanoftenarisefromdomestication.Theironyisthatwhen this happens, you become attached to an idea that you didn't evenagreewithinitiallybutonlyadoptedbecauseofdomestication.Theendresultisthatwithoutawareness,youwilladheretoideasthataren'teventrueforyou(aswellaspushthemonothers)!

Domesticationandattachmentworkhandinhandtokeepyouseparatedfromyour Authentic Self, lost in the fog and smoke, trapped in the drama of theparty.Thiscycle (domestication, self-domestication, attachment) cancontinueforgenerationsuntilyou transformintoaMasterofSelfandbreak thechain.The following exercises will help you begin to identify your owndomesticationsandattachments.Onceyouhaverecognizedthem,youcanthendecideifyouarereadytoletthemgoornot.

NoticingYourDomestications

Takeamoment to lookbackoveryour life.Whatare some ideas thatwereinstilledinyouasachildthatyoulaterdiscardedasnolongertrueforyou?Thesecouldbe ideasabouteducationandcareer,moneyandmaterial possessions, politics, religion, or any number of other areas.Remember, the point here isn't to judge or become resentful of thosewho initially domesticated you to those ideas, but rather to seewheredomesticationoccurredandhowyoubrokefree.Bynoticingwhereyouhavealreadyspottedandreleaseddomesticationinyourlife,youprovetoyourselfthatyouhaveallthepoweryouneedinsideyoutobreakfreeagainandagain.

IdentifyingYourAttachments

Sinceattachmentbeginswithmaterialpossessions,thefirstpartofthisexercise is designed to showyou the items in your life that you haveincorporatedintoyoursenseofself.

Thinkof an itemyouown that you absolutely love, something thatyou wouldn't want to lose. Perhaps it is your car, your home, yourmoney,anelectronicgadget,apieceofjewelry,aspecialmemento,orevenareligiousorsacredobject.Thepointistopickanobjectthatyoufeel strongly about, something that is tied to your sense of self.Veryfewpeoplewholookhonestlyanddeeplywillfindthatthereisnothingintheworldthatdoesn'tfitthisdescription.

Onablankpieceofpaper,writedowntheitemandthenanswerthefollowingquestions:

Whydoyoufeelsostronglyaboutthisitem?Whatsenseofsecuritydoesitgivetoyou?Howisthisitemtiedtoyouridentityorsenseofself?Howdoesitboostyourego?Areyoupleasedtoshowthisitemtoothers?Oritisanitemthatyoushownooneandsecretlyfeelspecialforhaving?Doesowningitmakeyoufeelmoreattractivethanothers,wealthier,

moresecure,moreintelligent,ormorespiritual?

Betruthful,reactinghonestlyfromyourcurrentemotions.Thereareno right or wrong answers. The point is to explore your deeperassociationswithmaterialthings.

Now,crumpleup thepieceofpaperanddiscard it.Closeyoureyesand imagine that this item no longer exists in your life. How do youfeel?Whatwouldlifebelikewithoutit?Whowouldyoubewithoutthisitem?

Nowthatyouhaveexploredtheideaoflosingthisitem,askyourselfthefollowingquestions:

Isthisattachmentaffectingyourrelationshipswiththepeopleinyourlife?Isyourattachmentcausingyoutoplayitsafeandnotpursueotherthingsyoureallywant?Canyouthinkofanytimeswhenyou'vealteredyouractionsbecauseofthisitem?Howdoesthisattachmentaffectyourpersonalfreedom?Finally,doyouwanttokeepthislevelofattachment?Ordoyouwanttodecreaseit,orevenletitgo?Thechoiceisalwaysyours.

As you review your answers, witness the level of fear youexperiencedattheprospectoflosingyouritem.Themoreacutethefear,thegreaterthechancethatyourattachmentwillleadtosufferingifthisitem is lost. In theDreamof thePlanet one thing is certain: this itemwillultimatelycollapse,corrode,anddisappear.Nothing in theDreamlastsforever.

Repeat this exercise and pick a person, belief, role, body image, oridea to examine. This could be your position in the home (father,mother,son),orsomeothercapacityyouactinthatenhancesyoursenseofself.Areyouattachedtoaparticularroleyouplay?Howwouldyoufeelifthatrolechangedsuddenly?Areyouattachedtohowyoulook?Whatifyourappearancechangedovernight?Justlikephysicalobjects,beliefs, and social roles, even the people in our lives are destined tochangeorfallaway.Whowouldyoubewithoutthem?

If you are likemost people, youwill find that you are in different

levels of attachment with many items, beliefs, and roles, and thoselevels can fluctuate.Simplybecomingawareof theseattachments is abig step in releasing their power over you. Themoment you becomeawareofanattachmentisthemomentitbeginstoloseitsholdoveryou.Identifying attachments and imagining their collapse gives you theopportunity to see the Authentic Self free from any attachment, asultimatelythetruthofwhoyouareismuchgreaterthananyitem,role,orbelief.

Withoutawareness,ourdomesticationandattachmentsblurourperception.Recognizing both allows us to clear the fog and see the truth of the presentmoment.Inthenextchapter,wewillexploretheforcethatgivesdomesticationandattachmentstheirpower,aswellastheforcethataMasterofSelfusestoobliteratethem.

ChapterThreeUnconditionalLoveforYourself

IN THEDREAM OF the Planet there are two powerful forces that shape all ouragreements, attachments, and domestication. In the Toltec tradition, we calltheseforcesthetwotypesoflove:unconditionalloveandconditionallove.

Whenunconditional love flows fromourhearts,wemove through life andengageotherlivingbeingswithcompassion.Unconditionalloveisrecognizingthedivinityineveryhumanbeingwemeet,regardlessofhisorherroleinlifeor agreement with our particular way of thinking. AMaster of Self sees allbeingsthroughtheeyesofunconditionallove,withoutanyprojectedimageordistortion.

Conditional love, on the other hand, is the linchpin of domestication andattachment.Itonlyallowsyoutoseewhatyouwanttoseeandtodomesticateanyone who doesn't fit your projected image. It's the primary tool used tosubjugate thosearoundusandourselves.Every formofdomesticationcanbeboileddownto“Ifyoudothis,thenIwillgiveyoumylove”and“Ifyoudonotdothis,thenIwillwithholdmylove.”Everyformofattachmentstartswith“Ifthishappens,thenIwillbehappyandfeellove”and“Ifthisdoesnothappen,thenIwillsuffer.”Thekeywordinallofthesestatementsisif,which,asyouwillsee,hasnoplaceinunconditionallove.

AsweconstructtheDreamofthePlanet,wehaveachoicetoloveeachotherunconditionallyorconditionally.Whenweloveeachotherunconditionally,ourmirror is clean; we see others and ourselves as we really are: beautifulexpressionsof theDivine.Butwhen the fogofattachmentanddomesticationcloudsourperceptionandweputconditionsonourlove,wearenolongerableto see the divinity in others and ourselves. We are now competing for acommoditythatwehavemistakenaslove.

At itscore,domesticationisasystemofcontrol,andconditional loveis itsprimarytool.Consequently,themomentyoustarttryingtocontrolothersisthe

same moment you place conditions on your love and acceptance of them.Becauseyoucanonlygivewhatyouhave,theconditionsyoutrytoimposeonothersarethesameconditionsthatyouimposeuponyourself.

Whenyouself-domesticate,youareattemptingtocontrolyourownactionsbasedonshame,guilt,orperceivedrewardratherthanunconditionalself-love.Aswesawintheexamplewiththemanwhocontinuestoeatevenafterheisfull,thisisneitherahealthynorhappywaytolive.

Unconditional love is the antidote to domestication and attachment, andtappingintoitspowerisakeystepinbecomingaMasterofSelf.Inthischapterwewilllookatthepracticeofhavingunconditionalloveforourselvesfirstandforemost,asyoucannotgivetootherswhatyoudon'thaveforyourself.

TheParasiteandtheAllyIn theToltec tradition,werefer to thevoice inyourmindas thenarrator, theonethatspeakstoyouthroughoutyourday.Whenyouareself-domesticating,we say that the narrator is acting as a parasite, draining your energy throughinternalnegativeself-talk.Thevoiceof theparasiteusesyourbeliefs, formedthrough domestication and attachment, to hold power over you by placingconditionsonyourownself-loveandself-acceptance.Theparasitekeepsyoutrapped in the fog, unable to see the truth of who you really are and thepotentialthatyouholdinyourheart.

Whenthevoicesharescommentarythatinspiresyoutolive,create,andloveunconditionally,thisisconstructiveself-talk;andintheToltectraditionwesaythatthenarratorisnowactingasanally,helpingyounavigatetheDreamofthePlanet in a peaceful and productive way. When the narrator is your ally, itpointsoutthetruthineverysituation,remindingyouthatyouareincontrolofyourownlifeandthatyouhavetheabilitytomakeapositivedifferenceintheworld.Althoughtheallyisstillareflectionofthetruth,itiswhatyouseeinthemirrorwhenthefoghascleared.

If you are like most people, the narrator in your mind is constantlyalternating between parasite and ally, sometimes going back and forthmanytimesduringthecourseofasingleday.Whenthenarratorbecomestheparasite,doubtsetsin,andyouquestionthechoicesyoumake.Inspirationandcreativityaregone,replacedbyself-doubtandconditionalself-love.Whentheallytakesover,youfeelconfidentinyourabilities,andthechatterthatfillsyourmindisjoyful.

It'simportanttounderstandthatneithertheparasitenortheallyspeaksastheAuthenticSelf.TheAuthenticSelfistheDivine,theenergyorspiritthatgiveslifetoyourbodyandmind.Whenyouidentifywiththevoiceinyourhead,youconfusethenarratorforwhoyoureallyareandbecomeitsslaveintheprocess.Whenthenarratorspeaksasyourally,youfeelhappy,andwhenthevoiceoftheparasitetakesover,youbecomesadordepressed.ButasaMasterofSelf,youknowthatneithervoiceisultimatelyyou,asneitherrepresentsthewholeofyourAuthenticSelf.

Nowordscanadequatelydescribethispowerthatyouare,andconsequentlyanyvoiceinyourheadisnotactuallyyou,despiteitsinsistencetothecontrary.I'll say it again: you are not your thoughts. Remembering this is important,becausewhenthatvoiceturnsuglyandtransformsfromanallyintoaparasiteyoucanrecognizeitassomethinglearnedfromsometucked-awayexperienceofdomesticationandhavetheconfidencetodetachfromitswords.ThisistheMasteryofSelfinaction.

Livingwith the ally is obviouslymuchmore pleasant than livingwith theparasite, and the antidote to spotting and releasing the parasite is havingunconditionalloveforyourselfatalltimes.This,ofcourse,ismucheasiersaidthandone.Therootsofdomesticationandattachmentrundeep,andtheparasiteuses them to stay in control of yourmind. Some of you have listened to theparasiteforsolongyounolongerrecognizeitasavoiceofnarrationthatyoucandisagreewith.Youhaveaccepteditsconclusionsasfacts,andtherebylimityour potential. To undo this, you start by learning how to spot any negativewordsthatenteryourfieldofawareness.AsmyfathertaughtinthefirstoftheFourAgreements, thereisgreatpowerintheword,andaMasterofSelfdoesnotusethepowerofthewordagainsthim-orherself.

SpottingtheParasiteWhile theparasiteoperates internally, it strengthens itselfbypayingattentionand latching onto the negative external talk in the Dream of the Planet.Negative external talk is anything you hear in conversation that attempts toimposeconditionallove.Whensomeoneisusingthepowerofhisorherwordstotrytosubjugateyou,orfillyourmindwithdoubt,thiscaninturnfeedyourparasite.Evenanoffhandremark,intheright(orinthiscasewrong)tone,canhave a powerful effect. “Nice shirt,” someone might say sarcastically. Themomentbeforethat,youmayhavebeenperfectlyhappywithyourshirt;butallof a sudden you begin to internalize the other person's projection, and self-

doubtcreepsin.Yourinternalvoicebecomesnegative,andyouloseconfidenceinyourchoice.Youlookdownandthink,“They'reright—Idon'treallylikethisshirt either.”You arenow judgingyourself basedon someone else's opinion.The easiest way for someone to control your will is for you to give thempermission todo so,becauseyoudoubtyourowncapacity tomakeachoice.Thisiswhydomesticationissoeffective.

Tobeclear,thisdoesn'tmeanyoudon'twelcomeotherpeople'sperspectivesand listen to constructivecriticism.Thedifference is in intent.Whenyouareawareofthepoweroftheword,youarecarefultoseparatefactfromopinion,andasaMasterofSelfyoudecideiftheopinionofanotherisalsotrueforyou.Whendomesticationoccurs,youlistentoothers'opinionsandmislabelthemasfacts,acceptingthemastruthwithoutfullyexaminingthem.

Theparasiteisalsostrengthenedthroughnegativeinternaltalk.ThisoccursinyourPersonalDreamwhenyouspeakagainstyourselfinyourownmindandis commonly referred to as “beating yourself up.” In theToltec tradition, it'sunderstoodastheactofusingthewordsoftheparasiteasconditionsforyourownself-loveandself-acceptance.This internalnegativitystemsfromwithin.For example, youmight look at yourself in themirror anddecide that you'rehavingabadhairday,orthatyourpantsarelookingtootight,oryoumightfindsomeotherphysicalcharacteristictotakeissuewith.Yourinnervoicemaytellyouthatyoudon'tlookgood,andyou'renotgoingtoimpressanyoneoutthere.

Withoutawarenessofhowyouarespeakingtoyourselfyoumayspiraloutofcontrol,andthatsimplebadhairdaycanturnintoatiradeofnegativeself-judgments,withyoucallingyourselfugly,fat,unworthy,etc. Inthatmoment,the parasite has taken over your attention and pulled you deep into the fog,usingthepowerofyourwordagainstyourself.Ifunrecognized,negativetalk,both external and internal, can inhibit the power of your intent and lead youdeeper into thefog. Ifyouaccept thenegative talkasfact,withoutseparatingtruth fromopinion, thiscanbecomeapartofyourpersonalstory, leaving theparasiteinchargethemajorityofthetimeandtherebylimitingwhoyouthinkyouareandwhatyoubelieveyouarecapableof.

AMasterofSelfisadeptatspottingandreleasingthevoiceoftheparasite,and can actually change that voice to one of an ally. Doing so begins withmaking a commitment to unconditional self-love. This means you becomewilling to love every aspect of yourself without judgment or conditions—especially the parts of yourself that you often wish were different.Unconditionalself-lovelieswithineachandeveryoneofus,regardlessofour

pastcircumstancesanddomestication.

Wewilllookatsomespecificwaystobringunconditionallovetoyourselfinamoment; but beforewe do, let's be clear onwhat does notwork. First, theparasite cannot defeat itself. In other words, negative self-talk cannot beovercome with more negative self-talk. For example, at my workshops andlectures, people in the past have approachedmewith a lookof consternationandsaidsomethinglike,“I'msodisappointedinmyself.Ican'tbelieveIhavebeenontheToltecpathforyearsandIamstilltakingthingspersonally.”

Implicitinthecommentistheideathatthespeakerisfailingintheirpractice,andyoucanhearthesneakyvoiceoftheparasiteinthebackground.Werethisstatement coming through the eyes of unconditional self-love, this personwouldapproachmewithasmileinsteadandsay,“Youknow,Ihavebeenonthe Toltec path for years, and I notice that I still take things personallysometimes.Iamdoingmybest,butdoyouhaveanythoughtsonovercomingthishurdle?”Thechangeinthelatterisapparent,astheallyistalkinginsteadoftheparasite.

Theallyspeaksfromaplaceofunconditionallove,whiletheparasitespeaksfrom a place of conditional love. Because negative self-talk is based onconditionallove,anyattempttotransformtheparasitewithmorenegativeself-talk is a subtle way for the parasite to actually strengthen itself. The key totransforming the parasite into an ally is to bring unconditional love to all ofyourself—includingtheparasite.Whenyoufeedtheparasitewithunconditionallove,youtransformit intoyourally,using thepowerofyourword tochangeyourmindandyourlife.

TheDreamofthePlanetisaworldofpolarities,wheresomethingisknownonlyinrelationtoitsopposite.Lightisdefinedinrelationtodark,upinrelationto down, night to day, etc. Without one, we wouldn't know the other. Ininstances of opinion, like hot and cold, tall and short, good and bad,assessmentsarebasedonourperception,aswhatisdeemedgoodbyonepersonmay be interpreted as bad by someone else. I am aware that when I saysomethingIambothrightandwrongatthesametime,becausetheperceptionof the individualwho listens tomewill determine the validity ofwhat I sayaccording to their point of view, and they are free to do so. I celebrate that.Thus,IamonlyresponsiblefortheclarityandintegrityofwhatIsay—notwhatothers hear and feel—because I don't control others' perception. This is theincrediblepowerinherentinourminds,andthevehicleweusetoexpressthatpowerisourword.

AMaster of Self recognizes the power of theword and knows that everysingle judgment the parasite utters can be transformed and used by the ally.Making the switch to do so is unconditional self-love in action.Whilemanypeoplechoosetolistentoandfocusonthevoiceoftheparasite,it'scriticalthatyoutrainyourmindtoseethroughtheeyesoftheally.Thereisnobetterplacetodothisthaninyourownpersonalstory.

Myfriendandteachingpartner,HeatherAshAmara,hasabeautifulexamplein her bookWarrior Goddess Training of how she consciously changed hernarratorfromtheparasitetotheally.Hereistheparasiteperspectiveshebeganwith:

Iwastraumatizedasachildbyhowoftenmyfamilymoved.Iwentto eight different schools and lived in four countries—Singapore,Hong Kong, the United States, and Thailand—by the time I wassixteen.Wewouldmoveeverytwoyearsorso.Istartedoffateachschoolfeelingpainfullyshy,disconnected,andalone.BythesecondyearIwouldhavemadefriendsandfoundmygroove,andthenwewouldmove again and the cyclewould start over.Because of themany times I moved away from friends, I have a hard timeconnecting with people intimately and I'm afraid of beingabandoned.EverytimeItoldmystory,Ifeltdepressed.Wouldn'tyou?

AfterHeatherAshbeganherapprenticeshipwithmyfather,shebegantoseeand tellherstory through theeyesof theally.Notice theshift inperspective,basedonthesamefacts:

I was blessed as a child with an adventurous family. We movedevery two years and traveled around the world every summer. Ispentmostofmychildhoodgoingtogreat internationalschools inSoutheastAsia,andbythetimeIwassixteenmyfamilyhadvisitedor lived in twenty different countries, including Thailand,Singapore, India, Egypt, Italy, and Spain. Because of the manytimeswemovedandtraveled,Ilearnedtobeincrediblyflexibleandtodeeplylovethediversityandcreativityofhumans.Mychildhoodexperiences helped me relate to many different perspectives, to

makefriendseasily,andtocelebratechange.EachtimeItoldthisnewstory,Ifeltasenseofadventureandlots

ofgratitude.

As you can see, the facts stay the same, but the story is dramaticallydifferent.Doyouseethepowerofperception?

The following exercises will help you practice transforming your parasiteintoyourally.

ReleasingJudgment

Lookatyourselfinthemirrorandnoticealltheself-judgmentsthatariseinthenextfewmoments.Doesavoiceinsideyousaythatyournoseistoo big? Too small? Do you not like your body size? Or yourcomplexion? Take a moment to listen to those judgments. Youremotions will let you know which ones affect you the most, as thestrongerthenegativefeelingthemoreattachedyouaretothatjudgment.

Writethejudgmentthatincitesthestrongestemotionalresponseonapiece of paper. It's very important that you write this down (you'llunderstandwhy in amoment).Next, take amoment to remember themany instances when you have used this judgment against yourself.Perhaps this thought has been repeating in your mind for years andyears.

Now you can investigate the source of this judgment, and identifyhowithasaffectedyouractionsintheDreamofthePlanet.Underneaththejudgment,writedownyouranswerstothefollowingquestions:

Isthisajudgmentyoulearnedfromsomeoneelse?Canyourememberwhenyoulearnedit,andfromwhom?Haveyourepeatedthisjudgmentaboutyourselftosomeoneelse?Howhasthisjudgmentshapedyouractions?Haveyoudeniedyourselfopportunitiesorfailedtotakerisksbecauseofit?

Read your responses and then ask yourself this very importantquestion:

Doyoustillwanttoletthisjudgmentcontrolyourlife?

If after reading all of your responses you answer yes to this lastquestion, then this is an attachment that has become a part of youridentity.Itshapeswhoyouare,andyouarenotreadytoletitgo.Thisisfine,ifitistrulywhatyouwant.Perhapsyouwillcomebacktothisatalaterpointtofindthatyounolongerneedthisbelief.

If you answered no to this last question, then you see the writtenjudgmentas something that isnot apartofyou; it is apieceofpaperwithwords on it, nothingmore. Realize that this judgment is only infrontofyounowbecauseyouhave implicitlyagreedwith itallalong.Now, the time has come to let this go, and the first step is to forgiveyourselfforusingitagainstyouallthosetimes.

When you are ready to release this judgment, say the followingstatementoutloud:

“I, __________, have used my negative self-talk tosubjugatemyselfwith conditional love. I forgivemyself fordoingso,andIwillnowletthisfalsebeliefgo.”

Crumpleupthepaperandthrowitinthetrash.Thisisasacredactoflettingthisfalsebeliefgobecauseyounolongerbelieveit.Remember,beliefsdon'texist“outthere”intheworld;theyexistonlyinyourmindandonlyaslongasyoucontinuetobelieve.

Everytimefindyourselffallingbackintoself-judgmentonthisissue,repeat this statement of forgiveness again. Doing so is the act ofbringingunconditionallovetoyourself.Youhavealreadypaidthepricefor thisself-judgment;youdon'tneed todosoanymore.Asmyfathersays,truejusticeispayingforsomethingonce;injusticeispayingforitover and over again. Through self-forgiveness you can stand up andstart fresh. Self-forgiveness is always the key, and unconditional self-lovegivesyouthatopportunity.Repeatthisexercisewhenyouareready

foreachandeveryjudgmentyoulistedinitially.

ChangingtheAttributes

Whatstoriesareyoucarryingaroundaboutpastevents?Doyourecountthesestoriesthroughtheeyesofyourparasiteoryourally?Thinkaboutthestoryofyourlifeforamoment.Whatarethemainelements?Howdoyoutell thatstorytoyourselfandothers?Notice theplaces inyourstorythatyouoftentellthroughtheeyesoftheparasite,andwritethatportionofyourstorydown.

Next, rewrite that sameportionofyour story, but this time throughthe eyes of your ally. (See the excerpt from my friend HeatherAshAmaraearlierinthechapterasanexample.)Ifyouarelikemostpeople,you'llfindit'softeneasiertowritethroughtheeyesoftheparasitethantheally,andthisdemonstratesthepowerthatdomestication,attachment,andconditionallovehaveoveryou.Writingfromtheally'sperspectivecanbemoredifficult,butreframingyourlifeeventsinthiswayallowsyoutoseethegiftsineverypastexperience.

In the end,ournarrators are simply storytellers.They tell stories about theevents in our lives and interpret them in either a positive or negative way,dependinguponwhichoneisincharge.AMasterofSelfseestheeventsoflifethrough the eyes of the ally instead of the parasite, as doing so is a way ofexpressing unconditional self-love; this is the power you have to direct andredirect your attention to and from different focal points. Once you haveunconditional love for yourself, you can then offer it to others. This is thesubjectofthenextchapter.

ChapterFourUnconditionalLoveforOthers

AS AMASTER OF SELF,when I look into the eyes of another individual I seeanotherAuthenticSelf,abeautifulexpressionof theDivine.Nomatterwherethispersonisintheprocessofawakening,Irespectthathisorherintentisjustaspowerfulasmine,anddoingsoisanactofunconditionallove.IfIweretotrytocontrolthisperson,Iwouldbelostinthefogandplaceconditionsonmyloveandacceptanceofhimorher.

If you see the world through the eyes of conditional love, you are bydefinitionattemptingtocontrolothers,imposingyourwillsothattheyconformtothedefinitionofwhoandwhatyouthinktheyshouldbe.Iftheydon'tagreetoyour demands, theywill receive the punishment of your judgment.This isconditional love in a nutshell.But remember, every time you judge someoneyouarepunishingthatpersonfornotfollowingagreementstheynevermade.

Asyou lookbackoveryour life,youcansee thatmanyof the relationshipbattlesyouthoughtwereforyourownpersonalfreedomwerereallybattlesofwho was going to domesticate whom. And every time you experienced amoment of anger, outrage, indignation, or any other negative emotion as theresultofsomeoneelse'sbehavior,youcreatedadreamofvillainsandvictims,andyouwereonceagaincaughtinthedramaoftheparty.

Perceivingyourselfasavictimandanotherasavillaindoesn'tallowyoutosee thepersonwho is actually standingbeforeyou: youdon't see their story,their past, their heartbreaks, and how all of that has impacted their life andcontributedtoformingthepersonyou'retalkingto.Allyoucanseethroughthefogofdomesticationisthatthepersonyouhavecastasthevillaininyourstoryisn'tlivinguptothevaluesyouthinktheyshould.

Butwhenyouseeanotherwiththeeyesofunconditionallove,youarethenabletoclearlyseewhoisactuallyinfrontofyou,alivingbeingwhoistryingtosurvive and thrive in aworld filledwith domestication and conditional love.

Unconditionalloveallowsyoutodisagreewiththechoicesorbeliefsofotherswhilestillrespectingtheirrighttohavethem.

PracticingunconditionalloveistheartoftheMasterofSelf.Onceyouhaverecognized, released, and forgiven the self-judgments that have arisen fromyourowndomestication,youcanthenrecognizeandforgiveotherswhentheyactfromtheirdomestication.Thepersoninfrontofyouhasbeendomesticated,andnowtheywanttopassthatontoyoubecauseit'salltheyknow.However,theycanonlysubjugateyouwithyourpermission.

Formany people, family can present a unique challenge to seeing throughtheeyesofunconditionallove,becauseitisherethattherootsofdomesticationaredeepest.Oftenit'sthewoundsthatyouhavewithyourfamilythathurtthemost, but the reason they hurt somuch is because you love them.This deeploveisalsowhatwillhelpyoutoforgiveandheal.

Next to your family, yourmost influential domesticators growing upwereprobably your friends and classmates. These are the people you wanted toimpress,or tobe like, soyouoften tried toadjustyourbehavioraccording towhattheyfoundacceptable.And,ofcourse,youlikelyaskedthesameofthem.Thisdoesn'tmeanthattherewasn'talsogenuinelovepresentforthesefriends,but because you all came fromhomes rooted in domestication itwas all youknew,andyoubroughtthesepracticesintoyourrelationships.

TherecomesapointinlifewhenwewakeupfromtheDreamandwebegintochoosefriendswhoacceptus,encourageustogrow,andsupportus—andwearewilling to do the same from them.But ifwe don't continue to recognizewhereandhowdomesticationhasaffectedus,andworktospotandrelease itwhenitarises,thesamepatternswilldevelopwithournewfriendships:wewillultimately place conditions on them to fit into our new model, however“enlightened”wethinkittobe.Forinstance,IwillsometimeshearcommentsinTolteccircleslike,“thatpersonisn'tagoodToltec,”or“sheisn'timpeccablewith herword.” In these cases, you can hear how the tools of enlightenmenthavebeenturnedintosourcesofjudgment,control,anddomestication.

Inallourrelationships,butespeciallyourrelationshipswithourfriendsandfamily,wheretherootsofdomesticationrunthedeepest,ourjobistobeawareofourpotentialtogethookedbackintothedramaoftheparty,tobeblindedbythe fog,and thekey toavoiding this is tocontinually remindourselves toactfrom a place of unconditional love. This is easier said than done, especiallywhentherootsofdomesticationrundeep,butthereisaway.

CreatingPeaceintheDreamofthePlanetWhen you find yourself in a disagreement with someone and you can feelyou'regettingupset,youhaveadecisionastowhatyoudoorsaynext.Beforeyouspeakortakeanotheraction,askyourselfthisquestion:iswhatIamabouttosayordocomingfromaplaceofconditionalloveorunconditionallove?Inotherwords,isyourloveandacceptanceofthepersoninfrontofyousomehowcontingentuponthemagreeingwithyouordoingwhatyouwish?Ifso,thatisyour cue that your domestication and attachments are in control of you, andnowyouaretryingtodomesticatesomeoneelsetoyourpointofview.Ifyourresponse is from unconditional love, by definition your response shows theotherpersonrespect,evenifyouultimatelydisagreewiththeirviewsoractions.Mutual respect is thekey thatallows truepeace tooccur in theDreamof thePlanet. This respect also allows everyone to experience the benefits andconsequencesoftheirownchoicesandactions.

WhenconditionallovedominatestheDreamofthePlanet,anysemblanceofpeaceandharmonyoccursthroughforce,whenonepersonorpersonssubjugatethe will of others. Governments are famous for this type of behavior, andhistory is litteredwithexamplesofonegroupcontrollinganother through thebelief that“mightmakesright.”But thisalsooccurs inpersonalrelationships,whenonepersonusesapositionofpower tocontrol thebehaviorofanother.This,ofcourse, isnot realpeaceandharmony,and itnever lasts.Peoplewillalways rebel against subjugation and fight to reclaim their freewill.Becauseourverynature itself is freedomwewill always strive for it—evenwhenourvisioniscloudedbythefog.

Theproblemisthatifagroupofpeoplefightsforfreedomwithoutclearingtheir own fog first, that is, their domestication and attachments, these samepeople who gained freedom from an oppressor will eventually replace theprevioussetofconditionswiththeirown,andinturntrytosubjugatethepeoplearoundtheminordertoestablishtheirvisionofpeaceandharmony.ThiscycleofimpositionandsubjugationhasbeenoccurringintheDreamofthePlanetforthousandsofyears.Thisishowwarsbegin,end,andstartagain,andthisistruenomatter if it'sabrawlonthestreetoraninternationalconflict,asbothstemfromoneparty'sdesiretosubjugatetheother,basedonthesubjugator'sbeliefthattheirwayisthe“right”way.Thisisthecyclethatconditionallovealwaysproduces.

Peace and harmony from the point of view of unconditional love are the

engagement of equals, using knowledge and awareness to co-create a dreamwhosediversityreflectsthefreewillofeachindividuallivinginthismoment.Much like the partywhere you are the only sober person, you cannot expecteveryonetowanttobesober,ortowanttowakeup.Norcanyoumakeanyonedo so. Attempting to wake someone up against their will is attempting tosubjugatethemtoyourideas.

So how do we engage from a place of unconditional love? How do wesincerely try to help others awaken without subjugating them? Taking amoment to reflect and discern what your true motivations are is not alwayseasy,especiallywhenyouareintheheatofthemomentandthedramaofthepartyistryingtohookyoubackintobelievingtheDreamisreal.Furthermore,coming from a place of unconditional rather than conditional love may stillinvolve doing or saying something that the other person doesn't like; butspeakingyour truthfromaplaceof loveandrespect is theMasteryofSelf inaction.

It's at these times that I remember somethingmy father taughtme: “I amresponsible forwhat I say,but Iamnot responsible forwhatyouhear.” Iamresponsibletothetipsofmyfingersandnofurther,andhowsomeonereactstowhatIsayordoisoutofmycontrol.Ofcourse,thistruthisnotmeanttobealicense to say or do something that is unkind or intentionally hurtful (to beconsiderateofothersisalsoachoicewehave),butweunderstandthatwhenwebreak the chains of our domestication, this news can be hard for ourdomesticatorsandthosetryingtodomesticateustohandle,especiallyatfirst.

What really matters is our intention. When we come from a place ofunconditionallove,wecanhavetheconfidencethatwhateveractionwetakeistherightone,andtheoutcomeofanysituationisbeyondourcontrol.Wedothebestwecan,andwereleaseourattachmenttotheoutcome.Thiscanbedifficultto do at first, and even a little scary. But committing to act from a place ofunconditional love eases this anxiety, as we know that our actions, and ouractionsafterthat,arecomingfromaplacethatistruetoourbeing.

OvercomingResentmentandForgivingOthersWhenyoulookbackandreviewthebeliefs,ideas,andconditionsthatyouhavetriedtoliveupto,youoftenrealizethattheiroriginresidesinthedomesticationyouexperiencedinthepast.Thiscanbeaverytroublingrealizationforsomeof

you, depending on the level of subjugation you experienced growing up. Ifthose with power inflicted their will on you via force or manipulation, andespeciallyifthesubjugationwasharshorevenextreme,itcanbeverydifficult—and almost impossible in some cases—to see them through the eyes ofunconditional love. Even for those of you who didn't have a particularlytraumaticexperiencewithdomestication, therearevery fewpeoplewhodon'thave some anger or bitterness over incidents that occurred during theirformativeyears.

Resentments that stem from past domestication are some of the biggeststumblingblockstoseeingothers throughtheeyesofunconditional love.ThewordresentmentisFrenchinorigin,anditliterallymeans“tofeelagain.”Oneof the primary benefits of doing this work is that you no longer allow anyconditioning or experience from the past to control you in the present. Bydefinition, if you are holding on to resentment, then you are enslaved to thepast. Something that has occurred, is already done, is actively causing yousufferingnowasyoufeel itagainandagain.This iswhat resentment is:self-inflictedsufferingwiththeemotionalpoisonwewishforanother.

Anger, resentment, and grudges are all tools that the parasite uses tostrengthenitselfandtakecontrolofyourmind,andhereagainitsmethodsareverysneaky.Becausewhiletheparasitemayaccuratelypointouthowyouweremistreatedatthehandsofanother,thesolutionitoffersistostirupthenegativeemotions of anger, sadness, bitterness, etc., and encourage you to at bestwithholdyourlovefromthosewhohurtyou,andatworsttostrikebackatthemwithrevenge.Theparasitealwaysreachesforthetoolsofconditionallove,andnoultimategoodevercomesfromemployingthem.Insteadyouarelostinthefogagain,andyourDreamistiedtoastoryofvictimsandvillains.

Unconditional love and forgiveness of your domesticators is the way out.This can be some of the most difficult work you will do, so be gentle withyourself as you embark on this road, especially if you suffered greatly at thehandsofothers.

In addition to forgiving those who harmed you, you also need to forgiveyourself. That's because many people, when they look deeply at pastexperiences of domestication, find that they are angry with themselves foreitherstaying inasituationornotdoingmore tobreak free. If thisapplies toyou, remember to forgive yourself for that too.Youwere doing the best youcouldatthetime;thereisnoneedtobeatyourselfup.

Respecting yourself alsomeans being honestwith yourself. If you are notreadytoforgive,thatisyourtruth.Don'tsubjugateyourselfwith“Ihaveto.”Ifyouarenotready,youarenotready;andtheacceptanceofyourselfwiththistruthispracticingunconditionallove.Afterall,itisaboutbreakingthecycleofdomestication.Takeyourtime,ifit'syourpreference,tobecomereadytoheal.Forgivingisthefinalstepofhealingawound.

Performingaforgivenessritualcanhelpyoucleanoutoldemotionsthatarekeeping you trapped in the suffering of the past (wewill do just that in theexercises that follow), and many of the world's beautiful spiritual traditionsprovide wonderful prayers and other practices for doing so. In the Toltectraditionwealsoadvocateanothersteptoseebeyondthestoriesofvillainsandvictimsand into thehealingpowerof forgiveness.Thekey todoing this isattheheartofmyfather'sthirdagreement:don'ttakethingspersonally.

When you practice this agreement in all its implications, you realize thatnothing anyone does is because of you. It's never personal, even if someoneintends it to be so, as you are simply standing in the target zone. Seeing thetruthofthisallowsyoutobetterletgoofthepastandembracethetruthofthemoment: your domesticatorswere only doing the best they could given theirlevelofconsciousnessatthetime.

Whenyoureflectonthisagreementdeeply,forgivenesscomesmucheasierbecause you realize that the actions of others were about them and theirsuffering, their attachments, and their domestications, and you see that theywere lost in the fog, drunk at the party, and as a result they didn't have thefacultiestoact inanyotherway.Respect them,andallowthemtoexperiencethe consequence of their actions. For every action, there is an equal andopposite reaction. It is theway that life teachesus.Seen in this light,wecanbetter grasp themeaning of Jesus' statement, “Father, forgive them, for theyknownotwhattheydo”(Luke23:34).

IfyouhavecloudedyourPersonalDreamwith resentment, the firststep tochangingthisistobecomeawareofit.Onceyouseewhatisreallyhappening,thenextsteptomovingpastitisforgiveness.Doingsoallowsyoutotapintothepowerofunconditionalloveforothers.Thenextexerciseswillhelpyougodeeperintothisprocess.

ForgivenessRitual

Onasheetofpaper,makealistofeveryoneyoufeelhasmistreatedyouin the past that you have not yet forgiven. This list could includemembers of your family, friends, coworkers, acquaintances, andbeyond.Reviewthe listofnamesand thinkbrieflyabout the incidentsinvolved.

Next,readthefollowingstatementoutloud:

“I,__________,amreadytoforgiveallthosewhoinflictedpain and suffering on me in the past. I choose to forgivethemsothattheiractionsofthepastcannolongeraffectmypresent. My wish is to see them through the eyes ofunconditional love. I also forgive myself for anything andeverythingrelatedtotheseevents.Iwasdoingmybestatthetime. I pray that these people, and myself, can experienceonlyloveandpeacegoingforward.”

Justasyoudidintheprecedingchapter'sexercisewhenyouforgaveyourself,Iwantyoutotakethepieceofpaper,crumpleitup,andthrowitaway.Asyoudoso,visualizeallthenegativefeelingsyouhaveaboutthesepeopleandtheeventsgoinginthetrashaswell.

This simple ritual is the beginning of replacing resentment withunconditionalloveforthosewhohavecausedyousuffering.Thatbeingsaid,whenthepaininflictedbyothersisextreme,anactofforgivenessisrarelyaonetimeevent.Asaresult,youwilllikelyneedtorepeattheaforementioned statement every time theeventsofyourpast replay inyourmindandyoufeelthemagain,astheparasiteisattemptingtoleadyoudowntheroadofnegativityandconditionallove.

If there is someone on the list who you are having special troubleforgiving, say the prayer below every night before you go to bed,insertingthenameofthepersonorpersonsyou'dliketoforgive:

“Ipray that___________receiveseverything theywant inlife, including the experience of unconditional love, peace,andhappiness.”

Some of you likely bristled as you read this, as the prospect ofpraying that these people receive everything theywant is perhaps theopposite of what you think you want for them. I understand thissentiment,butIwouldencourageyoutogivethisprayerachance,andrepeatiteverynightfortwoweeksevenifthewordsdon'tfeelsincere.Many peoplewho have done this exercise consistently for twoweekshavebeenamazedbythechangesthatoccurinsidethem.

Remember, forgivingothers is somethingyou're doing for yourself,not for them.Forgivenessdoesnotmean thatyou forget theeventsofthe past, nor that you condone any actions; rather, it frees you frombeingcontrolledbythembyrememberingthatyouareonlyresponsibleto the tips of your own fingers.The final exercise in this sectionwillhelpyoucontinueonthepathofforgiveness.

ForgivenessDialogue

PART1

This exercise consists of twowritten parts, each about a paragraph inlength.Tobegin,Iwantyoutolookbackoveryourlifeandidentifyanevent or situation where you experienced significant suffering at thehandsofanother.Thinkofa timewhensomeoneeither tried toordiddomesticate you by forcing their will onto you in a harsh or extremeway.ThisshouldbeamajoreventthatcreatedashiftinyourPersonalDream, that changed thewayyouviewedothers, likelyexposing theirflaws, and ended up becoming a defining moment in your personalstory.Many people have experienced something like this,most likelyduring their formative years, but it could also be something that

occurredasanadult.

Write down the details of the event as if you were going to tellsomeone who had no previous knowledge of it. Take your time andreplaythedetailsinyourmind,goingbacktothatmomentsoyoucanrememberwhathappenedandhowyoufelt.Andhere is the importantpart:write fromyour perspective at the time, not fromwhere you arenow.Berawandinthemoment,letyourfeelingsflow,anddonotedityourself with knowledge of what is right and wrong or try to beforgiving.Remember,thisexerciseisforyou,andunlessyouchoosetosharethiswithsomeoneelse,youwillbetheonlypersonwhoeverseesit.

Hereisanexamplefromadearfriendofmine:

One night when I was nine years old, I was at homewatchingTVwhenIheardmyparentsstart toarguein theother room. I had heard them fight before, but tonightseemeddifferent.Mymother came in and toldme to go tomyroomandclosethedoor,whichwasnotunusual.IdidasIwastold,andsatquietlyandfearfullyinmyroom,listeningthrough the thin walls as their shouts grew louder andlouder. Then I heard something I will never forget: abloodcurdlingscreamfrommymotherfollowedbyaneeriesilence.Ifrozeinpanic,wantingtoleavemyroombutafraidofwhatIwouldfindifIdid.I opened the door andwent down the hall to the family

room.Myfatherwassittingaloneonthecouch,andwhenhesawme,hesaid,“Yourmotherranoutofthehouse.Goseeif you can find her.” I remember being scared of him andangrywithhimatthesametime,butmymainconcernwasmymother.Iwentoutsidetolookforher.ItwasdarkandIwasafraid.Ilookedintothedarknessandcalledouttoher,butshedidn'trespond.ThenInoticed theneighbor'sporchlightwason.As I walked over toward the porch, I could hear voices

andmymothersobbing. Iaskedherwhathappened,but inmy heart I already knew. “Your father hit me,” she said.

“Hebeatsme.”Iwasovercomewithacombinationofrageand sadness, and I swore to protect my mother if he evertried to do that again. “If he ever does that again, I'll killhim,”Isaid.Thateveningwas life-changing forme,as forthefirsttimeinmylifethedarksideofmyfatherwasinfullview.Hetookhisownlifesixmonthslater.

In my friend's case, his father was attempting to domesticate hismother (and in conjunctionmy friend) through the use of force.Yourexamplemight not be as extreme, or it could bemore so. To get themostoutof thisexercise,Iencourageyoutonotreadanyfartheruntilyouhavewrittendown theexample inyourown life.Onceyouhave,comebackandcontinuewiththeexercise.

PART2

Thisnextpartinvolvesyourimagination.Iwantyoutoimaginethatyouaremeetingthepersonwhohurtyouintheirspiritualformonly.Inthismeetingyou can talk directly to the other person'sAuthenticSelf, thepartof themthat isawake,not lost in thefogordrunkat theparty.Inthis form, they are imbued with unconditional love, and you can saywhatever youwantwithout fear. Tell them how you really feel aboutthemandthesituation,andthenimaginewhatthispersonwouldsaytoyoufromtheperspectiveoftheirAuthenticSelf.Writethatdialogueoutbetweenthetwoofyou.

Hereismyfriend'sexample:

Dad,Iamsoangryandsaddenedbywhathappened.Ican'tbelieveyouwouldhityourwifelikethat.Youscaredmesobad.Wearebestfriends,andIlookeduptoyousomuch.Ican'tunderstandhowyouwoulddothat.Whatisthematterwithyou?Whenyoudrink,youaresuchadifferentperson.Ifeel guilty that Iwasn't there to try to stop you.When youdiedafewmonthslater,Iwassad,butalsoalittlerelieved,becauseIknewIwouldn'thavetoworryaboutyourviolenceanymore. I couldn't help but feel guilty for feeling relievedbyyourdeathtoo.

Son, I am so sorry for hurting your mother and you. Icompletely lost control ofmyself. I didn't knowwhat Iwasdoing. When I drink, I am not myself. Please know that Iwantonlythebestforyouandyourmother.Iloveyoubothdearly,andifIcouldtakebackthatmomentIwould.Iamsovery sorry, and I ask for your forgiveness. You haveabsolutelynothingtofeelguiltyabout.Iamresponsibleforthatentiresituation,soIwantyoutoletallofthatgorightnow. Please know that fromwhere I am now, I have onlylove for you and your mother, and I am doingmy best tohelpyoufromafar.

This exercise allows you to get in touch with your feelings at thetime, express them, and then listen to the response from the otherperson, spoken from the perspective of his or herAuthenticSelf.Theresultformostpeopleisthattheyarebetterabletoseeandunderstandthattheactionsoftheotherpersonweren'tpersonal,andthatattheheartofeveryindividualisunconditionallove.

Remember tobegentlewithyourselfasyouexploreandrelease thesepasteventsthathavecausedyoupain.Thiscanbedifficult,butthetruthisthatthetougheritis,themoreyoustandtogain.Thefreedomyouwillexperiencewillprofoundlyaffectyourlifegoingforward,andit'sverydifficulttoprogressonyourpathwithoutgoingthroughthisimportantstepofforgiveness.Takeitslowandreturntotheseexerciseswhenyouneedto,goingalittledeepereachtime.

ChapterFiveSpottingtheTriggersandManeuveringtheTraps

UP UNTIL THIS POINT in this book, the information presented has been largelyfoundational.That'sbecausein theprocessofbecomingaMasterofSelf,onebegins by understanding that we are dreaming, both on a personal and acollective level.Once theDreamis recognized,we turnourattention to thosethings that can make the Dream a nightmare, specifically domestication andattachment, which you'll remember are fueled by conditional love. We alsolearnedthattheantidotetothenightmareisunconditionallove,andthekeytoaccessingthattypeofloveliesinforgivenessforothersandourselves.

But informationalonedoesn'tmakeyouamaster.Applying the toolsdoes,and this iswherewewill now turnour focus.Asyou live life, engagingandinteractingwithothers rather thansittingalone inacloisteredmonastery,youare sure to encounter many situations that have the potential to hook yourattentionandknockyouoff-balance.TheDreamof thePlanet is fullof thesetypesoftraps,andfallingintothempullsyououtofyourawarenessandbackintothefoganddramaoftheparty.

OneofthepillarsoftheMasteryofSelfislearningtospotthetriggersandmaneuverthetrapsthatarewaitingtohookyou,andnothingcanhelpyoumoreinthisprocessthanbecomingawareofyouremotions.

UnderstandingYourEmotionsOur emotions are wonderful tools. Being in touch with them allows us toexperiencelifetothefullest.Whenweareaware,ouremotionscanteachusavarietyof things.Theycanshowuswhatwelikeanddon't like,what's reallyimportant to us as opposed to what isn't, and they can provide a wonderfulguidetodiscoveringtheworkwearemeanttodointheDreamofthePlanet.

For instance, when you are faced with an important decision and you areunsureofwhichcourseofactiontotake,onethingthatcanhelpyouistofocusonhowyou feel about theoptionspresented insteadofbeing consumedwiththestoriesyournarratorsarespouting.Asyougettoknowyourselfbetter,thistype of discernment becomes a very effective tool for recognizing what youreally want. In popular vernacular, this would be referred to as “listening toyourheartinsteadofyourhead,”butit'sreallytheMasteryofSelfinaction.

Your emotions can also show you where you are still holding on toattachments and reveal any remaining fears and self-doubts from pastdomesticationsthatyouhaven'tyetreleased.Sometimesyouwon'tevenrealizeyou have an attachment until an event triggers an emotional reaction in you.Anytimeyoufeelaburstofanger,frustration,guilt,shame,oranynumberofother negative emotions, that's your cue to look within and see what ishappening. Ask yourself questions like,Where is this feeling coming from?WhenhaveIexperiencedthisbefore?Whatisthesourceofthisfeeling?Onceyou are aware ofwhat's happening inside, you are able to calm yourself andstopthedownwardspiralbeforeyoulosecontrol.

Whileangerisacommonemotionalreaction,itisbynomeanstheonlyone.Shutting down, being defensive or passive-aggressiveness, feeling guilty orremorseful,oranyunhelpfulreactionsinbetweenareadditionalwaysinwhichyoucanreactemotionallyandloseawarenessofyourAuthenticSelf.

Whether your tendency is to be consumedwith anger and rage or to sulksilentlyinthecorner,theunderlyingcauseofalloftheseemotionalreactionsisalwaysfear, the toolofconditional love.Whenfearovertakesyouandsparksan emotional reaction, your attachments and domestications are now runningtheshow,andunconditionalloveiscasttothewayside.BecomingaMasterofSelfisaboutnoticingwhenyoubegintohaveanemotionalreactionandaskingyourselfimmediately,“WhatamIafraidof?”Thequickeryoucanidentifyandreleasethefear,thefasteryoubecomere-groundedintheAuthenticSelf.

Any emotional reaction you experience is yours, not anyone else's, andconsequently it is here to teachyou somethingaboutyourself.TheMasterofSelfseesthisasanopportunitytolearnandgrow,andindoingsoyoucandealwith these emotions before they lead to anoutburst that causes harm to yourPersonalDreamortheDreamofthePlanet.

ConflictintheDreamofthePlanet

Because thereareoversevenbillionPersonalDreamshappeningconcurrentlyin the Dream of the Planet, disagreements are inevitable. But thesedisagreementscanalsoserveaveryhealthypurpose,astheychallengeeachofustocontinuallyevolveourrespectivePersonalDreams.Whenoneperson,nottomentionbothparties,hasanemotionalreactionasaresultofadisagreement,the possibility to see things from the point of view of the other closes, andconflict begins. An emotional reaction leaves you stuck, unable to moveforward until you lookmore deeply atwhatever the emotion is trying to tellyou.

Every Master of Self—even those who have implemented these toolsdiligently for years—will come across certain people and situations that posespecialchallenges.Thesearethepeoplewhocanreallypushyourbuttons,anddealingwiththemislikelytodischargeanemotionalreaction.Whileyoumaybeable toavoiddramaticoranxiety-provokingpeopleandsituations inmanyinstances,therewillalwaysbethosemomentswhenyoucan'twalkaway,whenyoujusthavetodealwiththepersonorsituationathandrightthen.

Thequestionthenbecomes,Canyouengagewithoutbeingdrawnbackintothedramaoftheparty?CanyoustaygroundedinyourAuthenticSelfandshowtheotherpersonrespect?AsaMasterofSelfwhowantstomaintaincontrolofhisorherwillandhaveunconditionalloveforall intheDreamofthePlanet,youcanstaybalancedmuchmoreeasilyifyoufindoutwhythispersonhastheuniqueabilitytoprovokeareactioninyou.Thinkaboutit.Ofallthepeopleintheentireworld,thispersoncanpushyourbuttonsmaybebetterthananybodyelse.This is a very special gift they are offering you, and freedom awaits assoonasyoucanfindoutwhythat is. Inmyexperience, therootcanoftenbetraced to one of three things (and sometimesmore than one simultaneously).Let'slookatthosenow.

1. Prior domestication. It's possible that the person or situationprovokesadeepmemoryofsomeoneattemptingtodomesticateyouandyouresisting.Evenifyoucan'tfullyremembertheevent,yoursubconsciousordeepmemoryismakingtheconnection.Asaresult,your perception of the current situation is skewed by thedomesticationofthepast.Youareseeingthispersonasapotentialthreat,andyourconsciousorunconsciousmindhaslabeledthemassuch,evenifyoudon'trealizeit.

If you can connect the dots and see that the reason this personbothers you is based on a past experience rather than the currentsituation, you have begun to eliminate their power to upset you,puttingyourwillbackintoyourcontrol.Withtheknowledgeofthememoryorsimilarsituationthatthepersonisactivatinginyou,youcanwork toward forgivingand releasing the traumacausedby thepast domesticator and see the current situation in a new light, nolonger obscured by the shadow of your past. Often just theassociationwiththepastbeginstofreeyoufromthetormentofthepresentsituation,thusremovingitspoweroveryouandabsolvingitasapotentialtrigger.

2.Mirroring.Everyone isourmirror, andour reflectionof thingswedon't like about ourselves ismost vivid in thosewhohave thesamequalities. Inotherwords,youmayseeapieceofyourself inthisotherpersonevenifyoudon'trealizeit.Thistruthmaycomeasa surprise to some of you, and your initial reaction may be todisagree. But I invite you to look deeper.Whatever characteristicyou see in another that youdon't like is often a characteristic youseeinsomedegreeinyourself.Forinstance,ifyoucatchsomeoneinalieandthatbothersyougreatly,canyoufindatimeinyourpastwhereyouhavealsobeena liar? Ifyou findyourselfcomplainingabout the shortcomingsofyour friends,noticehowmanyof thosecomplaints could also apply to you. This can be a hard truth toswallowatfirst,butitisalsoausefultooltodissolveanynegativeinternal reaction that occurs when dealing with someone else,becauseitallowsyoutoseehimorherasyourself.

3.Attachment.Whenyouencountersomeonewhohasanuncannyabilitytoprovokeareactioninyou,itmaybebecauseyouhaveanattachment toabelief thatyou feelneeds tobedefended,andyouviewthisotherpersonasathreattothatbelief.Whenyouareveryattachedtoyourbeliefs,conflictsarealmostcertaintoarise.While some beliefs may need defending, especially when they

involve thephysicalwell-beingofyourselfor someoneelse, thesearetypicallynottheoneswefindourselvesinconflictover.Thereis

a big difference between defending a belief that protects yourphysicalbeingandabeliefthatsimplysupportsapositionyouregoholdsdear.Knowingthedifferencebetweenthetwo,aswellasyourcommitmenttorespectinganother'srighttobelievedifferentlythanyou, is a way to release your attachment to a belief grounded inegotismandviewtheotherperson'sviewpointwithrespect.

PuttingtheMasteryofSelfintoAction

The next time you are in a situation and you begin to feel angry, defensive,guilty, sad, or anything similar arising, the first step is to spot the emotion.Admit itexists,andaccept that thesefeelingsare insideyou.Just identifying,admitting,andacceptingthefeelingsoftenhasacalmingeffectandbeginstheprocessofreleasingthem.Thenextquestionstoaskyourselfare:

Whatisthisemotionheretoshowyou?Whatfearsarethewordsoractionsofanotheractivatinginsideyou?Whatareyoutryingtocontrol,andwhy?

Inmost cases, the answerwill fall into the categoryofpast domestication,mirroring,orattachments.

AMasterofSelf recognizes thatanynegativeemotions thatarearisingarereallyagift,anopportunityfordiscovery,asnooneelseisresponsibleforyouremotionalreactionsexceptyou.Thislastsentencebearsrepeating:Nooneelseisresponsibleforyouremotionalreactionsexceptyou.Otherscansayanddoanythingtheylike,butwhathappensinsideyouisonlytheresultofwhatyouarethinkingandfeeling.

Sometimesyoumayfindyourself inasituationwhereyouhaveanegativeemotion thatyoucan't immediately identify theoriginof,andevenwhenyoucan,youarenotabletoreleaseitbecauseyoucanfeeltheemotionbuilding.Inthosecases,restrainyourselffromdoingorsayinganythingat thatmoment ifthatisanoption.Thenremoveyourselffromthesituationuntilyouhavemoreclarity. Let no one tell you that being a Master of Self does not involvewillpower, as in certain situations exercising restraint may require all thewillpoweryouhave.

Insomeinstances,takingabreakmaynotbepossible,andyoufindyourselfface-to-facewithapersonorthingthatiscausinganemotionalreactiontorise

up inside you, and you decide to deal with the situation immediately as itpresents itself. This is when respect and unconditional love come into play.Through thepowerofyourwill, remember that theotherperson isworthyofyour respect, which is not to take responsibility for their will by trying toimpose your own will upon them—even if you disagree with their position.Rememberthatthispersonisseeingtheworldthroughtheirownpointofview,domesticated or not. By maintaining respect and unconditional love for theother person, you can remain calm in themoment and speak your truthwithlove.

Again, thequick-checkquestiontoaskyourselfbeforeyouspeakis this: iswhat Iamabout to saycoming frommeor frommydomesticatedbeliefs? Ifyour statement is trying to impose a conditionon theother, then I encourageyou to look within and find new words. If you are coming from a place ofawareness, whatever words come out of your mouth will be the right ones.Remember,comingfromaplaceofunconditional lovedoesnotmeanwesaythingsthattheotherpersonwillagreewithorenjoy,butinthosemomentswerememberthatwecannotcontroltheotherperson'sperceptionorreaction;weonlyhavecontroloverourselves.

Sometimesexitingthesituationandnotreturningisthebestoptiontoavoidfurtherconflict.Whentheotherpersonnolongerrespectsyou,theywilltrytosubjugateyoutotheirwill.Tomaintainrespectforyourself,itisoftenwisetowalkawaybeforeyour emotions takeover andyoudoor say somethingyouwill later regret. Exiting like this is not running from your problems oremotions,butratheraprudentdecisionrootedinself-care,asengagingfurtherwouldn'tbehelpfulforeitherparty.Amartialartsmasterwilltellyouthatyourmind is your most powerful weapon and your first line of defense. It takesdiscipline to use a fist to defend your physical body and not be tempted tobecomethetyrantofaggression.Alwaysbeawareofwhatliesontheothersideofself-respect.

Thealternativetotheaboveistoallowyouremotionstocontrolyou,andtolashoutinanger,overreactwithdefensiveness,oranywhereinbetween.Atthatmomentyouaredrawnbackintothedramaoftheparty,lostinthesmokeandfog again.The result of this type of behavior is always the same; you createsufferingforyourselfandothersintheDreamofthePlanet.

ModernTriggers

The modern world presents some interesting new ways to trigger emotionalreactions.Iimaginethatmostofyoureadingthisarefamiliarwithsocialmediasites likeFacebook,Twitter,etc.,aswellas textmessaging.Socialmediaandtextmessaginghaveconnectedus inawaythatwehaveneverseenbefore inthe Dream of the Planet.While social media can help us stay in touchwiththose we have a bond with, it has also become fertile ground for emotionalreactions to digital conversations, and consequently social media sitessometimes seem more like an emotional minefield than an electronicplayground.

The good news is that this technology gives you another valuable tool forself-exploration,asyoucannoticetheassumptionsthatyoumakeaboutothers.Inotherwords,sinceyoucan'tseethefacialexpressionsorthebodylanguageofsomeonewhentheypostsomethingonsocialmediaorsendatextmessage,your mind's first reaction is to often make an assumption of their meaningthroughyourprojectionoftheirintention.Inthisway,youcanfillintheblankbyprojectinganemotionontoacomment,post,ormessagethatwasmaybenotintended by the personwhowrote it. Socialmedia and textmessaging allowyou tonoticewhat emotionsyouprojector assumeare intendedby theotherperson,andinvestigatewhatinternaldomesticationsandattachmentsareatthesourceofyourassumptions.

Remember, being a Master of Self does not mean we are robots withoutfeelings, or thatwe never take the bait and react emotionally.Butwhen yougiveawaycontrolofyourwillviaanemotionalreactioninsteadofaconsciousresponse,practicingthesetoolsallowsyoutorecoverquickly.Acknowledgingthatyoufeelanger, jealousy, resentment,sadness,andsuchallowsyou toseethetruthofhowyoufeelrightnow.Therealizationcantakejustasecondoranight's tossing and turning in bed, but the downward spiral ends themomentyou surrender to the truth. When you find the true source of the emotion(usually some prior domestication or current attachment), you can use thatknowledgeasaninstrumentoftransformation.

Every time you fall into a trap and react instead of respond, ask yourself,What am I afraid of? Once you know this, you can look deeper to find outwhere the fearcomesfrom.Emotional reactionswillalwayspopupandhavepoweroveryouuntilyoudealwiththeunresolvedfears thathideunderneath.Thegoodnewsisthatonceyoufindoutwhatyouareafraidofandreleasethatfear,thesituationnolongerhaspoweroveryou.

ResolvingConflicts

IntheDreamofthePlanet,peoplewilloftennotactthewayyouwantthemto,orthewayyouthinktheyshould.Theywillnotalwaysagreewith your ideas or your beliefs. This begs the question, how do youreactwhenothersdon'tbehavethewayyou'dlikethemto?Doyoutryto imposeyourwillandsubjugate themtoyourpointofview?Orareyouabletostepbackandrespecttheirpointofview?

This exercisewill help you find out. To begin, think of any recentconflictyou'vehadwith anotherperson.This couldbe something thathappened at home, work, school, etc.—any instance where you andsomeoneelsehadopposingviewpoints.Brieflywritedowntheconflictonasheetofpaper.Thenanswerthefollowingquestions:

Inthisconflict,whatbeliefwereyoutryingtosubjugatetheotherpersonto?(Thisisnotanevaluationofwhetherabeliefis“right”or“wrong”;thepurposeistobecomeawareofwhatthebeliefis.)Doyouknowwherethisbeliefcamefrom?Isthisabeliefyouwanttomaintain?Therearenorightorwronganswershere.It'sfineifthebeliefistrueforyou,andit'sfineifit'snot;thepointistoknowsothatyoudon'tcontinuetofightforabeliefyounolongerbelievein,asthisisdomesticationinaction.Howdidyoutreattheotherpersonwhentheydidn'tagreewithyou?Didyourespecttheirpointofview,ordidyoutrytocoercethemintoseeingthingsyourway?Whatdoyouthinktheotherperson'sbeliefis?Canyouseeanotherperspectiveonthissamesituation?Canyouseehowtheotherperson'sbeliefistrueforthem?Howdoyouwanttoactthenexttimeaconflictlikethisarises?Isthereawayyoucanengagewiththeotherperson,betruetoyourself,andnottrytochangeorsubjugatetheotherperson?

AsaMasterofSelf,youknowavoidingallconflictisimpossible,sowhenconflictsarise,yourjobistolookwithin,seewhatistrueforyou

in the moment, and find a way to honor your own beliefs whilesimultaneously respecting the choices and beliefs of others. Return tothisexercisewheneveryouexperienceaconflictwithanotherperson.

TheTransformativePowerofListening

The followingexercisewillhelpyou staygroundedand in touchwithyouremotions.Thefocusisonlisteningtothepeopleinyourlifewhohavedifferentbeliefsandvaluesthanyou.

Findsomeoneyouareclosetoandaskthemaquestiononatopicyouknowyoudisagreeon.Thenlisten.Thisisnottheplaceforyoutoshareyour own opinions. Just listen. Ask the person to expand on theiropinionwithoutchallengingorbelittlingit,andastheyspeakbesuretodothefollowing:

Lookattheperson'sbodylanguageastheyspeak.Noticehow their facial expressions andmannerisms changewhentheyaresimplytryingtosharetheiropinionversuspersuadeor convert you. How do you feel as they move betweensharing knowledge and persuading? Can you feel thedifferencewithin yourself?This iswhere your reactions tothetopicstemfrom—nottheirwords,butfromwithin.

Try tounderstandwhere theyarecoming from.Asyoulisten, keep inmind that they likely have an experience ordomesticationthatcolorstheirworldview.Insteadofseeingtheir view as wrong, try to see where it comes from, andunderstandtheirattachments.Afterall, itdoesnotmatter ifyouareright.

Listenwithoutplanningyourreply.Try tohearwhat thepersonissayingwithoutthinkingofareply.Ifyouputyourattentiononyourreplyastheyaretalking,thenyouarenotreally listening. By not formulating a response, you arebetter able to listen without your projection getting in theway.

Expressyouropiniononlyafter thepersonhas finishedtalking,andonlyiftheyask.Firstletthepersonknowthatyouvaluetheirpointofview.Next,identifyandsummarizeany points that you may agree on. Doing so is a sign ofrespectandletstheotherknowtheywereheard,andmaysetthestageforthemtoshowyourespectinreturn.Last,offeryourperspectivewithrespect.

Noticeyourownattachments.Finally,usethisexerciseasawaytolistenandperceivetheworldfromadifferentpointofview,whetheryouagreewithitornot,andnoticeifyourown attachments are clouding your view. In other words,couldthispersonberightaboutanyoftheirpoints?

Feel your emotions. Notice any negative emotions thatcome up for youwhile you are listening. For instance, doyouexperiencefear?Anger?Sadness?Whatisthesourceoftheseemotions?Iftheseemotionsariseforyou,findingtheiroriginiswhereyouwillfindyourgift.

Ifyoupracticethisexercisewithyourfamilyandfriends,itwillhelpyou engage others with respect and maintain awareness of youremotionsasyoudo so. If family is toomuch, thenpracticewithyouroutercircleoffriendsandworkyourwaytowardyourinnercircle.Notonlywill this help you foster respect for others, but youwill becomemore aware of the beliefs and attachments that guide your Personal

Dream. You may also become more open to those who are differentthanyouorwhoshareadifferentworldview,movingtowardacceptanceofallotherswithoutbiasesorconditions.

ControllingYourWill

When an emotional reaction starts inside you, not taking the bait andfallingintothetrapmayrequireallthewillpoweryouhave.ThisToltecexerciseisdesignedtonotonlystrengthenyourwillbutalsocalmyourmindintheprocess.

Findachairwithastraightbackwhereyoucansitwithyourkneesata ninety-degree angle. Choose a safe place where you will not bedisturbed,andsetatimerforfiveminutes.

Closeyour eyes.Focusonyourbreath.Donotmove for those fiveminutes—not even to scratch your nose or to shift into a morecomfortableposition. Ifyoumove, restart the timer.Donotgive in tothetemptationtosayyestomovinganypartofyourbody.

Thepointofthisexerciseistoseehowstrongyourwillisbykeepingyourbodystill.Asyouareabletoreachthattime,increasethattimeifyouwouldlike,workingyourwayuptofifteenoreventhirtyminutes.But before increasing the time, consider adding this element to theexercise.

Repeatalloftheprevioussteps,butasyousit,imagineyourselfaloneonabeach,withnothingbutthesand,thewater,andthesun.Nowit'stime torun. Imagineyourself running, feeling thesand, thewater,andthe cool beach air. As yourmind fillswith this image, youmay findyourselfwantingtoalsomoveyourbody.Choosetokeepitstillwithoutpullingyourselfoutofyourexercise. Ifyougethookedbya chainofthoughtthattakesyouawayfromthebeach,orifyoumoveanypartofyourbody,restartthetimerandbeginagain,andagainuntilyoucangothe full five or fifteen minutes continuously. As you will likely find,strengthening thewill of yourmind ismore difficult than thewill of

yourbody.

Both of these exercises can help strengthen your will so you can make aconscious choice in situations where you would previously have reactedemotionally.Inthenextchapterwewilltakeacloserlookatallthechoicesyoumake, so you can determine if they are a result of your free will or a habitformedbyyourdomesticationandattachments.

ChapterSixBreakingtheCycleoftheAutomatic

WHENEUROPEANS FIRST encountered theNativeAmerican tribes of theNorthAmericanplains, theywerebaffledbya smallnumberof tribememberswhoacted opposite of the rest of the tribe. These tribe members would ride intobattlebackward,say“goodbye”whensomeonesaid“hello,”andconstantlydoor say things that were the reverse of the normal customs. Unable to seethrough the fog, these Europeans found these warriors amusing and labeledthem“clownsoldiers.”

But what these Europeans failed to realize is that these warriors weren'tundertaking these actions to entertain anyone. Instead, they served a veryspecial,evenshamanic,roleinthetribe.Modernscholarsappropriatelyrefertothemas“contrarywarriors”ratherthanclowns,andasIlookbackontheroleofthesewarriors,itiscleartomethattheyunderstoodthatwithoutawareness,repetitiveactionswouldlimitthemind'sabilitytoperceiveallavailableoptions.Becausethesewarriorsmadeitapracticetorespondtosituationsinanoppositemanner, they constantly challenged the conventional thinking of the tribe,provoking them to examine their agreements and look at all options andpossibilities.ThisiswhatIwantforyou.

IfyouwatchyourselfandothersintheDreamofthePlanet,you'llfindthatyou, and most others, make multiple decisions every day without givingconsideration to all the available options, and this practice seems normal tomosteveryone.Forexample,theroutethatyoutaketoworkeveryday,orthehandyouholdyourtoothbrushinareautomaticdecisions.Theyareroutine,theoutcomeispresumedtobeknown,andifyouarelikemostpeople,youmakethesedecisionswithoutgivingthemmuchthought.Consequently,it iseasytogothroughyourdaywithoutconsideringthepossibilities,orevenbeingawarethatthereareotherpossibilities—untilthere'sadetourbecauseofconstruction,

oryousprainyourwristandhavetobrushyourteethwiththeotherhand.

While making decisions automatically may seem acceptable with littlethings,ifyouaren'tcarefulyoucanslowlybegintoliveyourlifeonautopilot,and thiswill begin to spill over into othermore significant areas aswell. Inotherwords,whenyouhavedevelopedthehabitofmakingautomaticdecisionswithallthelittlechoices,itcanbecomemoredifficulttostopandreflectonthelarger choices when they are presented to you—especially when yourdomesticationandattachmentsaretryingtocontrolyou.IntheToltectradition,wecallthislivinginthecycleoftheautomatic.

Tobesure, thereisaplaceforautomaticdecisions, likethosethathelpthebody in times of physical duress. For instance, let's say you are hiking on amountain cliff and your foot slips. Your body and mind instinctively cometogethertohelpyougrabtheledgepriortoplungingtoyourdeath.Wecanallagree that this is a very helpful automatic decision; it's a natural physicalresponse. But compare that scenario to these: let's say an attractive personwalksintotheroomandyourfirstthoughtis,“Theywouldneverbeinterestedinsomeonelikeme,Iwon'teventry,”orwhenyouseeajobopeningandsaytoyourself, “Iwon't apply for thatpositionbecause theywouldn't hire someonelike me.” In these situations, you can see where your domestication andattachmentshave limitedyour actions in away that is inconsistentwithwhatyoureallywant.

Not approaching someone you would like to meet or not applying for apositionyouaspiretohaveisnotthesameaswhenourbodyactsinstinctually,astheformerarelearnedbehaviors,rootedinpastdomesticationof“notbeinggoodenough.”Ifleftunchecked,attachmenttothisideawillcontrolyoutothepoint that any choice you think you have is an illusion. A Master of Selfcultivatesthepracticeofawareness,andinsodoingisconsciousofthechoicesheorshemakessothattheyarereflectiveofhisorherAuthenticSelf.

Onlywhenwehavecultivatedthepracticeofawarenesscanweknowifwearemakingchoicesbasedonwhatwereallywant,orifwearemakingchoicesbasedonourdomesticationandattachments.Ifwearelostinthefog,theideathatweevenhaveachoiceisaself-projectedillusion.Withoutidentifyingandbreaking the chains of our past,we don't have the freewill to take any newactions.Awareness is thekey tounderstandingwhereyourdomesticationandattachmentshavemadetheideathatyouhaveachoiceanillusion.

AlthoughIhaveusedthewordawarenessmanytimesinthisbookalready,

let's take a moment to examine its meaning more closely. Awareness is theprocess of focusing your attention on your body, your mind, and yoursurroundingsinthepresentmoment.Awarenessisauniquepractice,becauseinadditiontopayingattentiontowhatishappeningintheexternalworld,youalsowatch what is happening inside your mind as well, noticing which thoughtsariseandtracingtheirorigins.ThepracticeofawarenessisacornerstoneoftheMasteryofSelf,as it is theprimarywayyoulearnaboutyourself:your likes,your dislikes, you domestication, and your attachments. Awareness is aconsciouscommunionwithyourselfandtheenvironmentthatsurroundsyou.

Another important benefit of being aware of your thoughts and watchingthemariseandsubsideisthatitallowsyoutorealizeatruthwediscussedinaprevious chapter: You are not your thoughts. Your thoughts are simplynarrators.Whoyouareistheawareenergythatmakesthesethoughtspossible.ThereisabeautifulpassageintheKenaUpanishad,anancientIndiantext,thatpointstothenatureofawarenessandtheAuthenticSelfquitebeautifully:

Notthatwhichtheeyecansee,butthatwherebytheeyecansee...Notthatwhichtheearcanhear,butthatwherebytheearcanhear...Not thatwhichcanbespokenwithwords,but thatwherebywordscanbespoken...Not thatwhich themindcan think,but thatwhereby themindcanthink...

Bylearningaboutyourselfthroughthepracticeofawareness,youareabletomake choices according to your true preferences rather than any pastdomestications and attachments, and this gives you the freedom to exerciseyourwillinthebestwaytoevolveyourPersonalDreamandtheDreamofthePlanet.

Withoutawareness,yourdomesticationandattachmentswillcorneryouintotaking actions that conform to the belief systems they have built. This is notfreewill,asyouhavegivenupyourpersonalfreedominordertomaintainideasthatwereplantedinyoulongago.Whentrappedinthecycleoftheautomatic,you are bydefinition actingwithout awareness.Youhave traded inwhoyou

reallyareforwhoyouthinkyoushouldbe.Bylivingyourlifeonautopilotinthis way, without awareness of the possibilities that exist anew in everymoment, you end up in the same situations over and over again,making thesamechoices,andthenwonderwhynothingeverchanges.

OtherManifestationsoftheCycleoftheAutomaticThink about the people you encounter on a regular basis. Do you really seethem, each and every time, as they are in the present moment? Or do youautomaticallyassumeyouknowtheperson,andasaresultonlyseetheimageof them in your mind? Without awareness, your mind makes certainassumptionsbasedonyourpastexperiencewiththeperson.Consequently,youaren'tseeingwhotheyaretoday,butratherprojectinganidentityonthemthat'soutdatedandbasedonyoursharedpast.Inthisway,someoneclosetoyoumaybechangingortryingtochange,butyoucan'tseeitbecauseyouareattachedtothepreviousimageoftheminyourmind.

This doesn't mean that you shouldn't take into consideration your pastexperiencewithsomeonewhenmakingdecisionsinthepresent;butwhenyouareaware,youcanseethatweareallchanging,allthetime.Thepersonwhoisstandinginfrontofyounowisnotthesameasthepersonyousawyesterday.Thedifferencecanbesubtleorgreat,butitiscertainlythere.

Anothercommonmisunderstandingoccurswhenyoureplaceoneautomaticresponsewithitsopposite,andconfusethatwithaconsciouschoice.Iseethisoften in people trying to break the beliefs of their childhood. When youdisagreestronglywithanideathatwasforcedonyouasachild,youmayrebelcompletely and do the opposite. Even though your intentions may be noble,doingtheoppositesimplyforthesakeofbeingtotallydifferentisn'tfreewill,asbothoftheseactionsarepartofthecycleoftheautomatic.Youaren'ttakingthe time tomake peacewith your past, look at all the available options, anddetermine if there is another option you prefer. You are simply rejectingsomeoneelse's ideaofhowtoliveyourlifeandgoingto thefurthestextremeagainst it. You are still giving power to your domestication, but this time inreverse,lettingtheoppositechoicecreateanidentityforyou.

Choosingtheoppositeforthesakeoftheoppositeisoftendictatedbyfear,andanychoicethatisdictatedbyfearisnotafreechoice,nomatterhowwellintentioneditmaybe.Onceyouhavereviewedallavailableoptions,youmay

still choose to take the opposite course, but the difference is that now it's aconsciouschoice,madewithawareness,ratherthanareactionarybacklash,andyouractionsaregovernedbyself-loveratherthanfear.

Instead of being tied to an automatic decision or its opposite, awarenessallows you to be conscious of all the possibilities that are available.You areawarenotonlyofanydomesticationthatistryingtocontrolyourchoices,butalsoyour reaction to thatdomestication.With theawarenessofboth,youarefreetochoosewhatmakesyouhappyinthepresent.

The simple act of pausing before making a decision or taking an action,thinking about what you really want in a situation versus what may be anautomaticchoice,isthefirststepinbreakingthecycleoftheautomatic.Ifyousimply takeamoment tobe in thepresentandaskyourself,Whatdo I reallywantrightnow?theanswer,insomecases,maysurpriseyou.

As you get better at practicing awareness, you learnmore about your truepreferences,andyoubuildself-confidenceinyourownwill.Conversely,asyoubecomemoreawareofyourcurrentdomesticationsandattachments,youwillsee where they have led you to make automatic decisions and judgments inyourdailylife.Thisisthefirststeptoreclaimingyourwillandyourfreedomofchoice,asthemoreyoupracticeawarenessthelessautomaticyourchoicesandjudgmentswillbe.

PracticeMakestheMasterConsciouslymakingdifferentchoicescanbescary.You're leavingyour tried-and-truesafezoneandenteringintotheunknown.BeingaMasterofSelfdoesnot mean that you may not be afraid when you make a new choice—youabsolutely may be—especially when your choice pushes the limits you hadpreviously set for yourself and therebymoves you into a new place. But it'sonly in the realm of the unknown that true transformation can happen, andmaking a choiceyouknowyouneed tomake to evolvedespite any fear thatarisesisverydifferentfromallowingfeartodictateyourchoice.Thisisaself-evidenttruththatoftenescapespeople.

Asyoubegintopracticethesetools,it'sverylikelythatonoccasionyouwillfall back into your old habits and make automatic decisions or choosesomething that isn't in alignment with your Authentic Self. Remember to begentle with yourself in these moments, as when you begin to create a newPersonal Dream there is a natural back-and-forth dance between automatic

responses and awareness, between conditional love and unconditional love,between domestication and freedom. As you learn to spot and release yourdomestications and attachments, this awarenesswillmore readily guide yourdecisions.Awarenessisthetooltofocusyourintentandbreakthecycleoftheautomatic,andregularpracticeofthisiswhatwillmakeyouamaster.

ContraryWarriorPractice

Forthenextfewdays,experimentwithdoingsmallthingsinadifferentway than you normally do. For instance, if you normally brush yourteethwithyourlefthand,tryitwithyourright.Puttheoppositeshoeonfirst, drive a different route to work, sit in a different spot on thesubway,etc.

Whilethismayseemsimple,diligentlyperformingthisexercisewillhelp you in three ways. First, by becoming conscious of all the littlechoices you have throughout the day and by taking a path that iscontrarytoyourusualchoice,youwilltrainyourmindtoobservewhatis happening in the present moment, rather than wander about as itusually does when it deems a choice is “unimportant.” Second, bymakingdifferentchoiceswiththelittlethings(someofwhichyoumayend up preferring over your normal choice), you prepare yourself toanswer the question, What do I really want now? when the largerchoicesarise.Third,bymakingdifferentchoiceswiththelittlethingsinyour life anddiscovering thevarietyof possibilities, you step into theunknown,ortheonlyplacewheretruetransformationcanoccur.

DevelopingYourAwarenessSkills

There aremany things happening in and around you all the time, but

youaren'tawareofalotofthembecause,likemanypeople,youarelostinthestoriesyournarratorsarespinningratherthanbeingpresentinthemoment. This is nothing to beat yourself up about; it's simply thepredominateconditionthatcurrentlyexistsintheDreamofthePlanet.

In this exercise, you'll begin to develop your awareness skills byobservation.Youwillneedatimerorstopwatchforthisexercise,asyouwillwanttodothisexercisefortwotothreeminutesatfirst,graduallyworkingyourwayuptofifteentotwentyminutes.

Read the steps outlined in the paragraphs below one or two times,startthetimer,andthenperformthestepsintheexercisefrommemory,basedonwhatyouread.Don'tworryifyoucan'trememberallthesteps,youwillgetbettereachtimeyoudotheexercise.

1. To begin, sit comfortably in a quiet room. Turn off theTV, radio, or any other device designed to hook yourattention.Startyourtimer,andcloseyoureyes.

2. Next, consciously bring your attention to the presentmoment. You do this first of all by acknowledging toyourselfthatforthenextcoupleofminutesyoudon'tneedtothinkaboutthefutureorthepast.Themindisoftenresistanttothisideainitially,asit lovestospenditstimeinthepastandfuture.

3. As you sit quietly in the present moment, bring yourawareness to your ears and what is happening outside ofyou.Noticewhat sounds youhear, such as the humof therefrigerator, the ticking of a clock, birds chirping in thedistance, and the sound of your own breath. These are thesounds that themindusuallymisses,as thenarratorsof themind deem them “unimportant.” If you listen deeply, youcan also hear the silence that exists right behind thesesounds.

4.Sittingquietlyinthepresentmoment,listeningtowhatisgoingonaroundyou,nowturnyourattentiontowithin.Feelyourbody inall areas,movingoutsideofyourheadwhereattention normally resides, and scanning your body all thewaydowntoyourtoes.Youaresomuchmorethanjustyourmind. Notice any areas of tightness, heaviness, ordiscomfort.Bringyourattentiontoyourbreath.Ashumans,we take over twenty thousand breaths a day, but onmanydayswedon'tnoticeevenoneofthem.Next,asyoubreathein,directyourbreathtoanyareasoftightness,heaviness,ordiscomfortinyourbody,andimaginethatasyoubreatheoutthe breathwashes away those negative feelings. Sit in thispresent awareness, eyes closed, surrendering the past andfuture,listeningtoyourouterworldandfeelingyourbodyinitsentirety.

5.Throughoutthisprocess,noticewhatthoughtsarisewhileyousit.Don'ttrytofightorcontrolanythoughts,butwhenyou notice you have gotten caught up in a thought chain,simply bring your attention back to the present moment,listen to the external world, and feel the entirety of yourbodyandbreath.Whenthetimerbeeps,openyoureyesandcarry thisexperienceofpresentmomentawareness into theworld.

Aftertheexerciseisover,makeamentallistofthethoughtsthatarose.Whatwas the predominate category? The thoughts that were most common areindicatorsofthethingsthatareimportanttoyouasaperson,andlikelyincludeareasinwhichyouwearmasksasyouengagetheworld.Wewillexploretheconceptofmasks,andtheproperwaytousethem,inthenextchapter.

ChapterSevenMultipleMasks

HAVEYOU EVERNOTICED that as you engage theDreamof thePlanet and thebeautiful beings who share your Dream, you often project an image, or anidentity,ofhowyouwantotherpeopletoseeyouintheworld?Thisisanormalpartofourexistence,andplayinga role in thiswaycanactuallybeahelpfultool as you navigate the world, because doing somakes it easier for you torelatetoothersandviceversa.It'salsoprobablethateachoftheseidentitiesorrolesthatyouprojectisalteredslightlytofitaspecificsituationorperson.Forinstance, the image you project while you are visiting your grandparents islikelyverydifferent than theoneyouhavewhenyou'reoutwithyourclosestfriends.

InourToltectradition,wesaythatinalloftheseinteractionsit'sasifwe'veborrowedamaskforamoment,oratemporaryidentity,sothatwecanengagewitheachotherinaparticularway.Wearingamaskishowpeopledefineandidentifywithothersbasedonsharedknowledge,roles,orexperience.Whilethemaskisasymbolthatallowsustounderstandoneanother,itisultimatelyjustasymbolwhosedefinitionissubjecttoouragreement.

For instance, the masks I wear include husband, father, writer, teacher,shaman, runner, and soccer fan. Other examples of masks include how werelatetooneanotheronspecifictopicsofinterest.Ifwetalkaboutart,oryoga,or history, or any other subjectwe have in common,we begin to understandeach other and see each other through the lens of our shared interest, asfostering relationshipswithotherswho shareour passions allowsus to shapeourwordsand theirmeaning.Whenweengageeachother,westimulateeachother'sintellectualandemotionalunderstanding,andinteractionssuchastheseallowustoco-createtheDreamofthePlanet.

AsaMasterofSelf, I love toengage theDreamof thePlanetandcanusemultiplemaskstohelprelatetoothersandco-createmoreeffectively,butdeep

down I know that none of these masks are the real me. A mask is justknowledgeformedbytheagreementsweusetointeractwithlife,withpeople.Amaskisanidentity.IchoosetowearamaskforthebenefitofnavigatingtheDream,butnonecaneverencompassmylifeforce,myAuthenticSelf.Whenwearedomesticated, themaskhideswhoweareandwebelievethatwhoweareisthemask;butwhenyouhaveletgoofyourdomestication,amaskdoesn'thide,nordowehide,whoweare. It is just theagreements thatourbondhascreated,andthathasshapedthewayweseeeachother.

This distinction, that you are not any of themasks that youwear, is vital,becausewhenyoubelievethatanyrole,identity,career,socialstatus,orinterestiswhoyoureallyare,youhavefallen intoanother trap,andsuffering is rightaround the corner. That's because these roles and identities only exist in theDreamofthePlanet,andlikeeverythingelseintheDream,theyaresubjecttodecayanddeath.Becauseofthis,aMasterofSelfwearsanymaskwiththefullawareness that it's only amask, a temporary identity to serve a function, andreadilydiscardsthemaskwhenitisnolongerneeded.

Forexample,mywifemayneedmetobeasupportivehusbandwhenshehasaroughday,andIwillinglyofferheraffectionandsecurity.Atdifferenttimesmy children may need me to be a teacher, a friend, a playmate, and, yes,sometimesevenadisciplinarian.IamawarethatthesearemasksthatIchosetotake on, and because of this I can shed them themoment they are no longerneeded.Theydonotbecomeapermanent identity,andIdonot try tofit intomylovedones' ideasofwhoIshouldbe.Isimplyunderstandwhat theyneedfrommeat themomentandchoose toact inaway that I feelhelps themthemost.

When you create an image of yourself as a worker, student, husband,musician, spiritual seeker, or any other role, and use that mask to relate toothers,themomentyouforgetit'samaskyourself-acceptancebecomestiedtoothers' acceptance and applause as to howwell you perform this role. If youdon'tmeetthestandardsothershavesetfortheseroles,ortheonesyouhavesetforyourself,yourejectyourself.Thisisanotherexampleofdomesticationandself-domesticationinaction,andithappensthemomentyouconfuseanymaskyouarewearingwithwhoyoureallyare.Clingingtootightlytoanymaskonlyleadstosuffering.

Anotherproblemthatoccurswhenyouidentifywithamaskisthatyouwilloftentrytokeepthatmaskalivelongaftertheneedforitisgone.WeseethisinmanymanifestationsintheDreamofthePlanet,suchaswhenparentsattempt

tomanage the livesof their children longafter theyhavegrownup,orwhensomeonecontinuestobasehisorherself-importanceonwhotheywereinthepast,theproverbial“glorydays.”Botharecommonexamplesofwhathappenswhensomeoneattempts toholdon toaparticularrolewhenit'splain that thetimeforthatroleisover.Thosewhocontinuetopropupanillusioninthiswayareoftenunawarethattheyaredoingso,butanytimeyoubelieveinsomethingthatisnolongertruetheresultisalwaysthesame:youarelostinthefogonceagain.

Thisbringsustoanimportantpoint:partoftheMasteryofSelfisbeingabletodetachfromanyidentityyouhaveacquiredintheDreamofthePlanet.You,andeveryoneyouknow,havebeendomesticatedintotheideathatyournameisso-and-so, that you are from this place or that, that youwere born here andgrewupoverthere,andthatyoulikethesethingsandthatyoudon'tlikethosethings.ThesearewhatIcallthefirstmasks,andwhiletheycertainlyrepresenttruthatonelevelandserveahelpfulfunctionintheDreamofthePlanet,allofthesedescriptiveattributesaresimplymasks;theycannotencompasstheawareenergy,theAuthenticSelf,thatyouare.

I refer to themas the firstmasksbecauseyouacquired them inchildhood,andtheywereprojectedontoyouthroughdomestication.Thisisanormalpartof growing up in theDream of the Planet, and it is something that has beenhappeningforalong,longtime.Thesefirstmasksstartedbeforeyouwereborn,assoonasyourparents learnedofyour impendingarrival.While thesemaskswerethenhandedtoyouinchildhood,yousoontookthemandmadethemyourown,without realizingwhatyouweredoing.Youdidsobecauseyounoticedthateveryoneelsewaswearingone,anditwasnormaltodosoinyoursocietyandculture.Someofyoumayhavewornamaskyouknewwasfalse,forcingiton,inordertobeacceptedinyourfamily.Astimewenton,youlosttouchwithyourAuthenticSelf,whichmeansthatyouforgotthatthemasksyouworewerejustmasks,andyoubegantobelievetheywerethetruth.

Thisishowyoubecameintoxicatedattheparty,lostinthesmokeandfog.When youmake the mistake of seeing yourself as this mask, then who youthink you are, and what you think you are, becomes confused with thedefinitionofamaskratherthantheexperienceoftheAuthenticSelf.TobeinawarenessoftheAuthenticSelfistoexperienceoneselfastheenergythatgiveslifetoyourmindandbody,thepowerthatallowedyoutocreatethemaskinthefirstplace.Now,asaMasterofSelf,youareawake,andsobertothetruthofwhoyoureallyare.Youdon'tinternalizetheidentity,orthestory,thatthemask

symbolizes,andasaresultyoucanpickthemupandputthemdownasneeded.

Shape-ShiftingIntheDreamofthePlanet,mostpeopleyouencounterareintoxicatedtosomedegree,andasaresulttheycan'tseethroughthesmokeandfog.Consequently,theyprojectontoyoutheimageoridentitytheywanttoseeratherthanwhatisactuallythere.Theidentitytheyassignyouisbasedontheirowndomestication,attachments, and agreements. As aMaster of Self you recognize this, and itallows you to respect the projection of others, especially when doing so ishelpful.Thisisshape-shifting.

Knowingthatothersprojectamaskontoyou,evenwhenyouhavedecidedto remove your masks, allows you to shape-shift with awareness andcompassion to suit each situation.Sevenbillion peoplewill see you in sevenbillionways,andeveryoneofthosemasksisasingleperson'sunderstandingofwho you are. Your awareness allows you to not believe any one of theirprojections,becauseyoudon'tneedamaskinordertoexperiencewhoyouare.Butyoustillrespecttheirperceptionofyou.Youchoosetoseeeachmaskasamirrorthatwillreflectdifferentaspectsofyou,whichyoucaneitherlearnfromor not. A shape-shifter is formless because life is formless. Mind you,knowledge creates and gives us form; thus, a mask gives us form in theperceptionofanother.

Forinstance,let'sreturntotheexampleofthegrandmotherandtheboyfromearlier chapters. Imagine that the boy has grown up and realizes that hisgrandmother domesticated him into always finishing his meal even when hewasnolongerhungry.Nowthatheisawake,heknowsthatit'sbetterforhimandhisbodytostopeatingwhenheisfull,andhediscardsthenotionof“it'sasintonotfinishyourfood”asatoolofdomestication.

That's all well and good—until he goes to his grandmother's house forThanksgiving.Asyoucan imagine, she still projectsontohim the identityofher little boy along with the domestication that he needs to finish his food.Becauseherespectsher,helikelywon'tchoosetotellhisgrandmother,“IrejectyourdomesticationandIwillnoteatanymorefoodthanIwant.”Instead,heseestheloveinherintention,andwithawarenesshecanchoosetowearamaskatThanksgivingforherbenefitandfinishallthefoodontheplatesheprovideshim.However,hemayalsochoosetofeedhisremainingfoodtothedogunderthetable,ordiscarditwhensheisn't looking,orsaytohergently,“Nothank

you,Grandma.ThemealwasdeliciousandIamquitefullatthemoment.”

With all these responses he is choosing not to disturb her PersonalDreambecause he sees the relative insignificance of finishing his food versus notfinishinghis food, andheplays along forherbenefit.Becausehe is at peacewithhispast,thereisnoneedforrebellion,noraneedtodomesticatehertoseehe is right; his self-respect is expressed through his actions. Even though hecan'tkeepherfromprojectingamaskontohim,heisawarethatitishischoiceto put it on or not. As a result, he is now actingwith awareness of his pastdomestication and the many possibilities that are available in the presentmomentwithoutlosingsightofhisAuthenticSelf.

Ofcourse,thereareother,moreserious,situationswhereyoumaychoosetorejectamaskthatsomeoneistryingtomakeyouwear.Forinstance,Ihaveafriend whose husband, soon after they married, made it clear he had a veryspecificsetofideasofwhatitmeantforhertobea“goodwife.”Inshort,hewantedhertodressacertainway,tonotassociatewithheroldfriends,andtodefer to his judgment when they faced important decisions as a couple—allthings that she rejected. To give in to those demands would not be shape-shifting,butratherrejectingherAuthenticSelfentirelytopleasesomeoneelse.Inthiscase,myfriendrefusedtowearthemaskherhusbandwastryingtoforceon her. She would not shape-shift for his benefit, because doing so wouldviolateherpersonaltruth.Shecouldseethathewastryingtodomesticateher,andthathisbeliefswerebasedonthesystemofdomesticationhegrewupin.She ultimately chose to speak her truth from the heart, and fortunately helistenedandchangedhispattern.

Seeingothersthroughtheeyesofunconditionalloveallowsyoutomakethebestdecisioninthemomentastowhetherornottowearamask,ortoshape-shift in theirperception.Themost important thing is thatyoubeawarewhensomeoneisprojectingamaskontoyou,becausethenyoucanmakeaconsciouschoiceastowhatactionyouwilltakeineachsituation.

ProjectingaMaskontoOthersWhilebeingawareofthemasksothersprojectontoyouiscritical,it'sequallyimportanttobeconsciousofwhenyouareprojectingmasksontoothers.Whenyouproject identitiesorrolesontoothers,youcreateasetofexpectationsfortheirbehavior,andnowthefogofconditional lovehascreptbackintocloudyourvision.Throughtheprojectionofthismaskyoucreateanidentityforthis

personinyourmind,andthenyoujudgehimorherfornotplayingthepartthewayyouwant.Ifyouareunaware,youcandothiswithyourparents,children,friends,coworkers,oranyone,really.

Sometimes the projection can be subtle. This often happens when youassumethatbecausesomeonefeelsorbehavesinaparticularwayinoneareaoflife,youthinkyouknowhowtheywillfeelorbehaveinanother,oftenentirelyunrelated,situation.SpottingandreleasinginstanceslikethesearewhatmakesyouaMasterofSelf.

For example, I know a woman who I'll call Lisa who recently completedchemotherapy for breast cancer. In the eighteen months she dealt with thedisease,notonlydidshefulfillherroleasamotherofyoungchildren,butshealsocompletedsixmarathons.She isamother.She isamarathoner.She isasurvivor.AsIwatchLis'sinteractionswithotherpeople,Inoticethatmanyofthemprojectthemasktheywanttoseeonher.Theysetexpectationsbasedonhowtheythinksheshouldbehave.Manyofthemonlyseeherasasurvivorandexpect her towear that badgewithpride.When shedoesnot liveup to theirstandardsofhowabreastcancersurvivor“should”act,theyareoffended.Whydidn'tshewearapinkribbonduringOctober?Whydoesn'tsheraisefundsforabreastcancercharityduringallofherraces?WhenthosesamepeoplefindoutthatLisa isalsoahunter, theyoftencannotassimilate theirprojectionsof therole ofmother,marathoner, and breast cancer survivorwith that of a hunter.Howcansomeonesocompassionatekillandeatanimals?

At the same time, somepeople in thehuntingcommunitydon'tunderstandwhy Lisa runs all these marathons, practices meditation, and reads spiritualbooks.Athirdgroupofpeople,newrunners,knownothingofherothermasksand simply look toher for inspiration and support as they train for their firstmarathon. Each group projects a differentmask, pigeonholing the entirety ofher complex experience into one narrative that they have created.When sheacts in a way that doesn't fit an idea they hold dear, it can trigger a strongemotional reaction. This has even led to some people trying to discredit orembarrassLisa,becausetheytookheractionspersonallyandfeltangryorhurtbythem.Sincetheirconditionsweren'tmet,theydeemedhernolongerworthyoftheirlove.Tomyfriend'scredit,shedoesnotletanysingleoneofthemasksshewears,northemasksotherstrytoforceonher,defineher.

Lisaishumbledthatpeoplelooktoherforinspirationastheybattlecancerortrain formarathons,andsheshowscompassionwhendealingwith thepeoplewho may not agree with her choices in other areas. She is living her own

personaltruthinawaythatwillbenefitbothherPersonalDreamandtheDreamof the Planet. People ask how she could keep running while undergoingchemotherapy, and her answer is simple: “I did the best I could in everymoment,andIneverletcancerdefineme.”

Becausemyfriendisaware,shecanusethemasksothersprojectontohertoengage in ameaningfulwaywithout detracting fromherAuthentic Self. Shesharesherpersonalexperienceswithbreastcancernot inanattempt todefineherself, but because she wants to help others by passing on what she haslearned.Bytemporarilytakingonthepersonaofthemaskofacancersurvivorwithout letting itdefineher,shecanremove themaskwhen the interaction isover. In this way, she demonstrates that she is in control of her actions, ahallmarkofaMasterofSelf.

Insummary,oneofthegreatesttemptationsyouwillfaceasyounavigatetheDreamof thePlanet is tobelieve thatanymaskyouwear is real.This is trueregardless of whether or not someone else projects themask onto you, or ifyou'vecreated themask foryourself.For instance, if thingsaregoingwell inyourlifeandyouaresucceedingatworkoraccomplishingyourgoals,youregomaywanttocreateandholdontotheidentityofonewhohas“succeeded”or“accomplished.”Wewillcoverthetrapsassociatedwiththisinmoredetailinthenextchapter.Conversely,whenthingsdon'tgoyourway,theparasitemayscream so loudly that you are tempted to pick up themask of one who hasfailed,orisn'tworthy.

Itisinalltheseinstancesthatyourpracticeofawarenesscanbringyoubackto the truth: the realyou, theAuthenticSelf, is somuchmore thananymaskcanportray.Anytimeyou forget this truth and thinkamask is real, sufferinganddelusionaren'tfaraway.AMasterofSelfseesthemaskasatool,andusesthetooleffectivelywhenitishelpfultodoso.Becauseshedoesn'tinternalizetheidentityassociatedwithanymask,sheisabletoremoveiteasilyandreturntoherAuthenticSelfwhenthetimeforthemaskisover.

IdentifyingYourMasks

The masks we wear allow us to understand each other intellectually,

emotionally,andspiritually.Ofallthemaskspeoplewear,theoneswehavethemosttroubledetachingfromarethoseassociatedwithspecificrolesintheDreamofthePlanet.Theserolesincludethingslikebeingaparent,achild,aworker,astudent,etc.Thinkofalltherolesyouplayinlife, and list them on a sheet of paper. The very act of writing themdown can help you see them as roles rather thanwho you really are.Next, examine the list and answer the following questions: Are thereany roles on this list that youwould like to discard or change?Whatstepscanyoutaketodoso?

WhoAmI?

Inalmostallspiritualtraditions,oneofthemostimportantquestionstoaskyourselfisthis:whoamI?IntheToltectradition,weoftenanswerwith“theAuthenticSelf”becauseitisasymbolthatcomesascloseaspossible to describing the truth. But even this answer is incomplete,because the ultimate truth of who you are is bigger than can beexpressedinwords.

Nowthatyouknownoneofthemasksyouwearortherolesyouplayaretherealyou,takeafewminutesandturnyourattentioninside.Askyourself,WhoamI?andseeifyoucanfindtheanswerwithin.. .theonethatcannotbeexpressedinwords.

As we conclude our chapter on masks, let us remember a core teachingintroducedearlierinthebook:theworldaroundusisvirtual;itisalladream.Andinmyfamily'sToltectradition,weabsolutelyinsistoncreatingenjoyableexperiencesintheDream.Inotherwords,weliketohavefun!Doingsoofteninvolvessettinggoalstocreatesomethingbeautifulortoaccomplishsomethingspecial,butasyouwillseeinthenextchapterongoalsetting,it'simportantthat

wedosowithawareness.Otherwisewecanquickly turnourPersonalDreaminto a nightmare. Setting positive goals for ourselves will help us to engagemeaningfullyandlovinglywithothersandtheplanet,andcreatethekindoflifewewant.

ChapterEightGoalSetting

SETTING,WORKINGTOWARD,andachievingyourgoalsareanotherbeautifulwaytoengagetheDreamofthePlanet.Doingsoallowsyoutolearnandexperiencenewthings,toreachoutsideyournormallimits,anditcangiveyouapositivefeeling of accomplishment as you manifest your creative intent through theapplicationofyourwill.

Atthesametime,thepracticeofsettingandachievingyourgoalscanalsobeatraptopullyoubackintothefog.That'sbecauseinthecurrentDreamofthePlanetthereisawidelyheldbeliefthatthebestwaytoachieveyourgoalsistowhip,chide,orusesomeotherformofself-deprecationtopushyourselftogettowhere youwant to go.As a result,many people feel that the bestway tosucceed at something is to employ the iconic drill sergeant character in yourmind,whichpushesyouwithnegativeself-talkto“beallyoucanbe.”Seeninthislight,it'snotsurprisinghowmanyofushavebeendomesticatedtotheideathatthistypeofself-flagellationistheonly,andeventhemostdesirable,meansofmotivationtogetwhatwewant.Thismotivationcreatesanobsessionforanendresultsothatwenolongerfeelthepainfromthespurofourownrejection.

Onecommonway thismethod isapplied is in theareaofbody image.Forexample, ifyoulookin themirroranddecidethatyoudon't like thewayyoulook in some capacity—perhaps you think you are overweight, out of shape,etc.—the parasite will seize this opportunity and speak loudly, judging yourexistingbeautifulbodyasinsufficient.Fromthisplace,ifyousetagoaltoloseacertainnumberofpoundsorchangeyourappearance insomeway,becauseyou are doing so in agreementwith the parasite's judgments, implicit in thatagreement is the condition that youwill only love and accept yourselfwhen,and if, you obtain that goal. The process happens so quickly that withoutawareness you don't even realize you have fallen into a trap.Of course, thispracticeofsettinggoalsthroughconditionalloveisnotlimitedtobodyimage.

As soon as you have an attachment to the outcome of your efforts, you'vesubjectedyourselftoconditionallove.Thiscanhappeninanyareaofyourlife.

Theproblemswiththistypeofapproacharenumerous.Firstofall,anytimeyouusenegativeself-talkasameanstoachieveyourgoals,youimplythatyouinyourcurrentstatearenotgoodenough.Thisinvitesthevoiceoftheparasitetocomeinandtakeoveryourmind,thistimeundertheauspicethatitisonlytrying to “help” you.This is yet another example of how the parasite can besneaky, interlacing its negative banter with a conditional reward. But as wehave seen in previous chapters, the parasite's methods always come withadverseconsequences.

Secondly,pushingyourself toachieveyourgoals throughnegativeself-talkleaveslittleroomforself-acceptanceandself-loveifyoudon'treachyourgoal,settingyouupformoreinternalberatinginthefuture.This is thereasonwhynot achieving a goal can leave you feeling worse than before you started.Anytimeyouusethevoiceoftheparasitetomotivateyou,anyfailuretoreachthatgoaljustgivestheparasitemorematerialwithwhichtoberateyou.Ifthisoccursona regularbasis, the result is thatyouwill become less likely to setgoalsorevenstopsettingthemaltogether,becauseonasubconsciouslevelyouareactuallyfearfulofwhatyourparasitewilltellyouifyoudon'tachieveyourgoal.Anytimeyoustopsettinggoalsbasedon fearof failure, it'sbecause theparasitehasberatedyousoheavilyinthepastthatyoudon'twanttogothroughthatexperienceagain.Youwouldrathernottrythanfacethefearoffailingandhearingthejudgmentofyourparasiteyetagain.

Inaddition,anytimeyoujudgeyourselffornotmeetingaspecificgoal,youalso open yourself to being judged by others because you have alreadyimplicitly agreed with the judgment. This is also how the great majority ofpeople interact with themselves and others, imposing goals and expectationsonto one another and subjugating themselves to judgment if the goal is notreached.Thismethodofgoalsettingisoneoftheprimarywaysthattheillusionof conditional love spreads throughout theDream of the Planet. In thisway,you have rejoined the drama of the party and reentered the cycle ofdomesticationandself-domestication.

Admittedly,thereasonthatsettinggoalsinthiswayissuchaneffectivetrapis that sometimes it seems to work. The voice of your inner judge can be apowerfulmotivator, and it uses the toolsofguilt, shame, envy, andahostofothernegativeemotionstopushyoutoaction.Butevenwhenthisnegativeself-talkdoesseemtowork,thesuccessisshort-lived.That'sbecausewhenagoalis

obtained through employing your parasite as yourmotivator, nomatterwhatyouaccomplish,theparasiteisneversatisfiedforlongandwillalwaysraisethebar, making any self-acceptance through accomplishment gained this waytemporary at best. That's why we say in the Toltec tradition that if you arewaiting to be loved and accepted in the future, then you are not loving andacceptingyourselfinthepresent.

By tying your self-love and self-acceptance to a goal, your happinesscorresponds to its achievement.When you reach your goal, your self-esteemrisestemporarily;whenyoudon't,youthinklessofyourself.Thisisusinggoalsettingasatoolforself-domestication,asyouhavechosentoconditionallyloveyourself basedon the success or failure of your obtaining this goal.Now theexpectationofwhat“shouldbe”controlsyou.Theprocesslookslikethis:

1. Youdecidethatthepersonyouareisnotenough,soyousetagoaltoachievesomething.

2. Youimplicitlymakeanagreementwithyourselfthatyouwillonlybeworthyofyourownloveifthegoalisobtained.

3. Ifyoudon'tmeetthegoal,youjudgeyourselfaccordingly.Ifyoudomeetthegoal,yourinnerjudgeraisesthebar.

That is the trap that theMaster ofSelf avoids, and theway todo so is byloving yourself unconditionally, seeing that you are already perfect in thismomentandthereisnogoalyouneedtoobtaintobeworthyofyourownlove.

FindingtheOriginsandSeeingItsManifestationsAt somepoint in your childhood, you set a goal toget better at one thingoranother.Maybeitwasasubjectatschool,oragameontheplayground,oraninstrumentorotheractivity.Yousoonrealizedthatbytrainingorpracticingatityoudidgetbetter,becauseyoufocusedyourintenttowardapossibility.Thisisawonderfulprocess,anditgaveyouthesatisfactionofcreatingsomethingintheDreamofthePlanet.

Buttherealsocameapointinthatprocesswhereyouwereintroducedtotheideaofusingself-flagellationandself-deprecationasameanstoachieveagoal.Youweregiven the idea thatyouneeded tobrowbeatyourself intoachievingyour goal, and that your results would be better if you did so. Can yourememberwhenthatoccurred?Formostpeople,thishappenedatsuchanearly

age it's impossible to pinpoint, but in hindsight this was that moment whenperforminganactionfor thesakeof theactionalone,becauseyouenjoyed it,wasnolongerenough.Yourself-worthandself-acceptancebecametiedtotheoutcome or achievement. Fear and consequence were brought into the mix,namely thefear that ifyoudidn'tachieve thegoal, theconsequencewouldbethatyouwouldn'tbeworthyofyourownself-loveor the loveofothers.Themomentthatfearenteredthepicturewasalsothemomentthatachievingagoalbecamea tool fordomestication, andbefore longyou took that fearandself-domesticated.Let'slookatasimpleexamplethatmanyofushaveexperienced.

Whenyoufirstlearnedtorideabike,youlikelydidsobecauseitwasfun,itgaveyouasenseofaccomplishment,anditallowedyoutodosomethingotherkidsweredoing.Youlaterwentontootherthings,andyouprobablydidn'tgivemuchthoughttocyclinganymore.Butforthesakeofexploration,let'simaginefor amoment that you became attached to the idea that “Imust be the bestbicyclerider,”and“Iamonlyworthyofmyownacceptanceandself-loveifIamthebestbicyclerider.”Unlessyouhappentobeaprofessionalcyclist,thisidea likely seems silly, doesn't it?You can see the absurdity ofmaking yourself-loveandself-acceptancecontingentuponyourabilitytorideabike,yetsomanypeople do thiswhen it comes to achieving a goalwith other things—ajob,ahobby,one'sbodyimage,one'sroleintheirfamily,orevenadvancementon a spiritual path.This is how something that began as a source of fun andexcitementcanlaterbecomeatoolforself-domestication.

Self-domesticationthroughgoalsettingcanbeverysubtle,andspottingitinall its forms iswhatmakesyouamaster.Youmay thinkofgoalsettingonlywithdefinable,everydaytasks,buttheimplicationsofthistypeofthinkinggofarbeyondthat.Forinstance,whatgoalsdoyouthinkyouneedtoachieveorobtain in order to be happy in life or to feel complete?Do you need to feellovedbyaspecificperson?Doyouneedtomakeacertainamountofmoney?Doyouneedacertainamountofpraise,recognition,orsocialstandinginyourcommunity?Doyouthinkyouneedtoobtainsomegreatspiritualrealization?Doyouneedyourbodytolookacertainway?Allofthesemeasuringsticksaresubjective,andonlyhavethemeaningthatyouassigntothem.Butwhattheyhave incommon is that ifyoumakeyourhappinessconditionalonachievinganyofthem,youhavealsomadethemtoolsforself-domestication.

AsaMasterofSelf,thewayoutistoremindyourselfthatyouareperfectinthis moment and you don't need to do or achieve anything in order to becomplete.It'sabsolutelyfinetowanttoaccomplishthingsintheDreamofthe

Planet,toseewhatyourstrengthsareandseewhatyouareabletodo;butasaMasterofSelfyourpriorityis toloveyourselfunconditionallythroughouttheprocessofworkingtowardanygoalyouhavesetforyourself.

SettingGoalswithUnconditionalSelf-LoveThiscanbeoneofthemostdifficulthabitstochange,asmostpeoplehavebeendomesticated so severely and so subtly to the idea that negative self-talk isnecessarytoachievegoalsthattheyhaveneverevenconsideredanotherway—settinggoalsfromaplaceofunconditionalself-love.ButdoingsocanradicallychangeyourPersonalDreamandhowyouinteractwithothersintheDreamofthePlanet.

Whenyouthinkaboutsomethingyouwanttoaccomplish,orsomegoalyouwant toachieve, thefirststep is toremindyourself that this issomethingyouwant todo.Youknow that in truth, there is noplace togo, nothing todoorachieve, because any seeking of perfection outside of yourself is actually amovement away from perfection. Furthermore, you remember that the worldaround you is a dream, and that you are simultaneously the creator and thecreatedinthisdream.

Fromthisplaceofawarenessandunconditionalself-love,youacknowledgethatinyourPersonalDreamthereissomethingyouwanttocreate,change,orachieve.Thisisyouplayinginthedreamforthesakeofplayalone.Itisnotanefforttofixyourself,orloveyourselfconditionally.Settinggoalsinthiscontextisabeautifulandnaturalprocess,andthemethodologyyouemploytomakingthese goals emanates from the knowledge of your perfection. Now you arestarting thegoal-settingprocess fromaplaceofunconditionalself-loveratherthanfear,shame,ordoubt.Anychangeyouwanttomakeorgoalyouwanttoachieveisundertakenbecauseyoureallywanttodoit,notbecauseofafeelingof inadequacyornotbeingenough.Youaren'tchangingbecauseofyourpastdomesticationorcurrentattachment,buttoinsteadenhanceandevolveyourselfwithinthedreamwithsomethingyoulovetodo.

A wonderful benefit of setting goals this way is that when you haveunconditional self-love throughout the process, you'll find that a natural self-confidence growswithin you as youmove along the path toward your goal'sachievement.Thisisaverydifferenttypeoffeelingwhencomparedtopushingyourselffromastateoffear,whereyouarestrivingtogetbetterbecauseyouareafraidof failing.Striving toachievefromaplaceof fearor lackcreatesa

PersonalDreamcloudedinnegativity.

When your confidence comes from self-love, you find strength in theknowledgethatyoucanperformtothebestofyourabilityandyouwillenjoythe moment regardless of the outcome. Because your own self-love is notpredicatedonanyparticularoutcome, it'sactually this love for life that is thetruesourceofmotivationtogiveyourbesteffort.Asaresult,youarenowincontrolofeachchoiceyoumakealongthepath.Youareopentochangingthegoal if a changebecomesnecessary, andbecauseyouaren't judgingyourself,whenotherpeoplejudgeyourprogressoryourabilities,youknowthatthisisareflectionoftheirdream,notyours.

To be clear, this doesn't mean that all the goals youwant to achieve willcomeeasily;theyactuallymayrequirealotofhardwork!Thedifferenceisthatby setting goals from a place of unconditional self-love rather than fear andself-flagellation,youaremorelikelytocreaterealandlastingchangeaswellasenjoy yourself in the process of working toward your goal. To explain thisfurther,Iwouldliketosharewithyouanexamplefrommyownlife.

Afewyearsago,Ilookedatmyselfinthemirrorandsaid,“Miguel,youareperfect.Iloveyouexactlythewayyouare,andIwantyoutobehealthierandenjoylife,soyouaregoingbacktorunningagain.”

InyearspastIhadrunquiteregularly,butIhadnotdonesoinsometime.Ihadalwaysenjoyedrunningandithadneverbeenthatdifficult,andIassumedIcouldreachmyoldpotentialagainwithease.Consequently,Idustedoffmyoldsneakersandwentforarun.Mygoalwastorunfivemiles,butIonlymadeitabouttwo-thirdsofamilebeforeIhadtostop.Icouldfeelmyheartpounding,andIwassurprisedbymyheavybreathing.

For thoseofyouwhoare readingcarefully,oneword in the lastparagraphshows you the exact moment I started down a perilous path. I made anassumptionthatIcouldeasilyrunfivemilesaftertakingsuchalongbreak,andofcoursetherewasnowayIcouldsimplypickupmyoldrunningshoesandachieve this goal. By making that assumption I placed an expectation onmyself,Isetagoalthatwasn'tachievable.WhenIstoppedrunningaftergoinglessthanamile,self-judgmentimmediatelyfilledmymindasthevoiceoftheparasite yelled, “Miguel, you are such a lazy bum.” Upon hearing this myawarenesskickedbackinandIrealizedtheoldwaysofself-domesticationwereattemptingtoregaintheirfoothold.

At thatmomentIhadachoice:Icouldberateandjudgemyself,orIcould

rememberthatthiswasjustmystartingpoint,andthatasaMasterofSelfIwilllove myself unconditionally through the process. “Be gentle with yourself,Miguel.Thisiswhereyouaretoday,thisismytruthatthismoment.”

Mygoal,withpractice,wastobeabletorunfivemileswithoutstoppingbytheendofMay. ItwasJanuary.So Ibeganmyrunning routine,and likeanybusyfatherandhusband,thereweremanydaysthatIhadtomissmyrun,ornotrunas faras Ihadplanned.But Ididn'tbeatmyselfup foranyof this, and Icontinuedtoloveandencouragemyself throughtheprocess.Onsomedaysittookeveryounceofmywillpowertogooutforarun,butIamhappytoreportthat before the end of April I'd met my goal.While I was happy when thisoccurred, my self-acceptance or self-love was not contingent upon it. It feltreally good, so I continued to run. Two years later, I finished my secondmarathon, and I amcurrently training formy third. I havebeen evolvingmycraftwithpassionwhilestillbalancingallthatlifethrowsatme.

Mypoint is this:whenyouuseunconditionalself-loveas thestartingpointwhensettinganygoal,youremainawarethatperfectionisnot tiedtotheendresult, but rather the reality of the present moment. You were perfect at theonsetandyouareperfectnow;youareperfectthroughout.Youareawaretheentire time that the end result won't define you. It is through the practice ofawarenessthatyouareabletoseetheperfectionthatexistsinyourself,whichalsoletsyouseeperfectionintheworldaroundyouandineachbeinginit.

GroundingPracticeandMantra

When you first begin to break free from old habits and old ways ofthinking,youwill likely find thatbothdomesticationandself-lovearepresent simultaneously. In otherwords, youmay focus your intent onsettinggoalsfromaplaceofunconditionalself-love,butyoumaystillhear thevoiceof theparasiteattempting topushyou throughnegativeself-talkasyoudoso.Manytimessimplytheactofbeingawareoftheparasitewillsilenceit,buthereisapracticetore-centeryouwhentheparasitepersists.

Asyouworktoachieveagoalthatyouhavesetforyourselfandyou

hearthevoiceoftheparasiteattemptingtoberateorintroducedoubtinyourmind,thefirststepistotakeabreakfromwhatyouaredoingandgo inside. Bring your awareness to your breath, focusing on the life-givingprocess thatmovesair inandoutofyourbody.Next,feelyourfeet planted firmly on the ground below you. With your mentalperception,imaginehowyouareconnectedtoeverythinginlifethroughyourbreathandthegroundbeneathyou.Scanyourbodyfromheadtotoe,asdoingsotakesyououtofyourheadandremindsyouofwhatitfeels like tobe inyourbody.Youaresomuchmorethanthevoiceinyourhead.Next,remindyourselfthatyouareperformingthisparticularactionbecauseyouwantto.Youarealreadyperfect,andyousurrenderyourself to theoutcome.Repeat thefollowingstatementoverandoveruntilyourallyregainscontrolofyourmind:

I,____________,amperfectandcompleterightnow,Ilovemyselfnomatterwhat.

Visualization

IntheToltectradition,werecognizethatthemindisapowerfultoolforhelpingyouachieveyourgoals.Here is an exercise that canhelpyouharnessthepowerofyourmindandfocusyourintentoncreatingwhatyouwant.Dothisexercisedaily,preferablyinthemorning,asyouworktowardagoal.

Find a quiet place to sit for a few minutes. Close your eyes andconsciouslysendunconditionallovetoyourself.Feelgratitudeforbeingaliveinthepresentmoment.Feelgratitudeforyourbodyandmind,forthey arewhat allowyou to experience theDreamof thePlanet.Next,turn your thoughts to the goal that you areworking toward. Envisionyourselfachievingthisgoal,andconcentrateonthefeelingsofgratitudeforhavingdoneso.Thekeyhere is tofeelgratitudeas if thegoalhasalreadybeenachieved, asdoing somakes this experience real inyour

mind. After a few minutes of focusing your intent on gratitude foralready having achieved your goal, bring your awareness back to thepresentmoment.Openyoureyes,andgooutandenjoy theprocessofworkingtowardyourgoal.

Settinggoalswithawarenesscanbeahelpfultooltocreateandco-createinthe Dream of the Planet, and remembering to love yourself no matter theoutcomeisthekeytoenjoyingyourselfthroughouttheprocess.Ofcourse,therewill be timeswhen another humanbeing stands in theway of you achievingyour goal. The question now becomes, howwill you react then? That is thesubjectofournextchapter.

ChapterNineComparisonandCompetition

ASWECOMETOthefinallessonsofthisbook,letusreturnforamomenttothesocceranalogy.Butthistime,insteadofbeingafanwhoiswatchingthegamewithavaryingdegreeofattachmenttotheoutcome,imaginethatyouareoneoftheplayersonthefield.

Asaplayer,it'syourgoaltowinthegame,andyouhaveachoiceonwhatyouwill use tomotivate you to reach that goal. If you aremotivated by thevoiceofyourparasite,youwillreverttoself-deprecationandself-flagellation,wheretheonlymeansbywhichyouwillloveandacceptyourselfisifyouwin.If you apply the steps outlined in the last chapter, you can love yourselfunconditionally throughout the process, enjoying the game for the sake ofplayingit,regardlessoftheoutcome.

But there is a bigdifferencebetween setting agoal that involvesonlyyou(say, running fivemiles) versus a goal that involves other people (winning asoccergame).Inthelatter,youwillhaveanopponentwhostandsinthewayofyouachievingyourgoal.Thisisacompetition,andthequestionbecomes,howwill you view your opponent throughout the process? Will you love youropponent unconditionally? Can you view your opponent as anothermanifestationoftheAuthenticSelf?Orwillyoudemonizethem,seethemasanenemy who must be defeated at all costs? How will you act toward youropponentifyoulose?

Thesequestionsare importantbecause inoursociety life isoftenportrayedasacompetition.Ifyoulookaround,aprolificmessagethatiscommunicatedviamovies,TV,books,andespeciallyadvertisinginallitsformsisthatallofthe things you want in life are in “limited supply,” be that love, happiness,friendship,ajoborcareer,beauty,money,ormaterialpossessions,andbecauseof this limited supply you had better do everything in your power to acquireyoursbeforesomeoneelsedoes.Thisidea,oftenreferredtoineconomicterms

as“scarcity,”createsanotsosubtleatmosphereofcomparisonandcompetitionbetweenyouandmanyofthepeopleyouknow.

Thisideaofscarcity,andthesubsequentcompetitivemindset,issoprevalentthat it's difficult to spot in all its forms. For instance, when you first meetsomeone, notice if you start to compare yourself to him or her based on thethings that are important to you as an individual. Do you assess the otherperson's physical appearance in comparison to you? Do you estimate theirmaterialwealth,educationlevel,orsocialstandingincomparisontoyours?Orperhapsyouquestionwhetherthepersonis“morespiritual”thanyouare.Themodesofcomparisondifferdependingonwhat'simportanttoyou,buttheactofcomparingalmostalwaysleadstocompetition,evenifthecompetitiononlyresides in your mind. The old cliché about keeping up with the Jonesesacknowledges this comparative and competitive mindset. It's a habit, and ittakesawarenessandefforttobreakfreeofit.

It'snoteworthythatthefirstfourlettersofthewordscarcityarealsothefirstfourlettersofthewordscare,becausefearisexactlywhattheideaofscarcityprovokes.Fearing that there isn't enoughofwhatever theywant, peopleviewothers in the Dream of the Planet as competitors for a limited number ofresources, be that love, happiness,money, etc., and they act accordingly.Asyouhavelearned,anyactionthatismotivatedbyfearcannotalsobemotivatedby unconditional love, and it ultimately leads to suffering in one form oranother.Whenyouaccepttheconceptofscarcitywithoutquestion,theresultisthatyoubelievesomeoneelsemaygetsomethingthatyouneedinstead.ThisisaverydifficultplacefromwhichtoengageothersintheDreamofthePlanet,asdoingsoturnsthemintoopponentsratherthanfriends.

IntheToltectradition,weunderstandthattheideaofscarcity,asit ismostoftenpromulgatedintheDreamofthePlanet,isamyth.Fromanearlyage,youaredomesticatedintothefalsebeliefthatscarcityexists,butthetruthis,thereisalways enough ofwhatever you need in thismoment.When you believe themythofscarcity,theresultisthatyoufeelafraid,youseeothersascompetition,andinthiswayyougetlostinthefogagain.

NotethatIdidnotsaytherewouldalwaysbeenoughofwhateveryouwantin themoment, but ratherwhat youneed. That is a big difference.Youmayhavemanywantsorpreferencesintheworldthatdon'tarrivewhenyou'dlikethemto,butaMasterofSelfknowsthatlifewillalwaysprovideexactlywhatisneeded in themoment.This is not just a theory; you can actually prove it toyourselfrightnow.

Takeamomenttothinkaboutyourpastandidentifyacoupleofmeaningfulsituationswhereatthetimeyoudidnotgetwhatyouthoughtyouwanted.Forexample,didyouwantapromotionoranewjobbutdidn'tgetit?Didyouwanttohavean intimate relationshipwith someonewhoultimatelydidn'twant thesame? In each situation that you identify in your own life, what happenedinstead?

Forexample,Ihaveafriendwhoexperiencedthistruthinaprofoundwayafewyearsago.Heandhiswifewerecomingupontenyearsofmarriagewhenshe announced that she wasn't in love with him anymore, and she filed fordivorce.Myfriendwasheartbroken.Hebegged,pleaded,anddideverythinginhispowertoconvincehiswifetostayinthemarriage,alltonoavail.Whensheleft,hesankintoadeepdepression,andhewasconvincedthatthisdivorcewastheworstthingthatcouldhappentohim.

Butthenhestartedtoworkonhimself.Asaresult,hebegantolookwithinandreleasetheideathatheknewbetterthanlife.Slowly,heopenedtotheideathat this divorce, although notwhat hewanted,was insteadwhat he needed.Afterayearorsooffurtherworkonhimselfhewasabletomoveonfromhispast,tohealthewoundsthatwerethereevenbeforehisdivorce,andhestarteddating again. Shortly thereafter, he met the love of his life, and they soonmarried and now have three beautiful children.What's especially remarkableaboutthisstoryisthatmyfriend'sfirstwifedidnotwantchildren,andalthoughmyfrienddid,hewaswillingtogiveupthatdreaminordertobewithher.Inhindsight, he is so grateful to his first wife for leaving him, as otherwise hewould not have his precious children and the fulfilling relationship he nowenjoyswithhiscurrentwife.

As my friend's experience demonstrates, sometimes there needs to be acertainamountofdistancebetweenyouand theeventbeforeyoucansee thetruthofthisteaching,butifyoulookcloselyatthesituationsinyourpastwhenyoudidn'tgetwhatyouwanted,you'lllikelyfindthatyougotexactlywhatyouneededinstead.Evenwhentheendresultsofasituationdon'tdemonstratethisas clearly as they did in my friend's case, a Master of Self finds the innerstrengthtoembracethisprinciplewithanopenheart.

Whenyouliveyourlifefromamindsetof trustrather thanaplaceoffear,theresultisthatyoustoptryingtoforceorcontrolthepeopleandsituationsthatarehappening aroundyou and instead surrender towhatever lifebrings.Thisdoesn'tmeanyoudon'ttrytochangethingswhenit'swithinyourpowertodoso,butasaMasterofSelfyouareadeptat identifying the situations that are

beyondyourcontrol,andinthoseinstancesyoutrustandsurrendertowhateverthemomentbringsbecauseyouknowyouwillreceiveexactlywhatyouneed.Because you no longer believe in the concept of scarcity, you know that theplaceforcompetitionandopponentsexistingamesonly,notindailylife.Younolongercompareyourselftoothers,norseethemascompetitors.Yousimplydoyourbest, andyourpassionwill be evident inyour efforts.Success is thenaturalconsequenceofdoingsomethingyoulovetodo.

Closely related to the concept of scarcity is an idea we have alreadydiscussedatlength:thenotionthatsomehowyouareflawed,broken,unworthy,or,atbest,simply“notenough.”Ibring itupagainnowbecause the ideasofscarcityandthatyouare“notenough”actuallyworkhandinhandtokeepyoutrappedinthefog.Thinkaboutitforamoment.Ifthepersonyouareisflawed,broken,ornot enough, then it isunlikely thatyouwillbeable toacquire thethings that you need because they are supposedly in limited supply. Thecombination of these untruths creates an environmentwhere conditional lovethrivesthroughthevehiclesofcomparisonandcompetition,andtheresultisthefearthatyouwillneverbeenough,andthatyouwillneverhaveenough.

Theideathatyouarenotenoughisanancientone,asithasbeenpostulatedinmythsandlegendssincethebeginningofrecordedhistory.(ThestoryoftheGarden ofEden andOriginal Sin are good examples.) I find it amazing howmanypeopleintheDreamofthePlanethavebeendomesticatedintobelievingthattheyhavesomesortofinherentinternaldeficiency,anditisthisbeliefthattheparasiteusestotakeoveryourmind.

Ofall thefalse ideas thatyouhavebeendomesticated to, the idea thatyouarenotenoughmaybethemostdamaging,soletmebeabsolutelyclearonthismatter:Youaremorethanenough.Youareperfectandcompleteexactlyasyouare. You are not flawed, broken, damaged, or irredeemable. Much of thesufferingyouexperienceisself-inflicted,anditcanbetracedbacktobelievingthisuntruth.This feelingofunworthiness is theprimary reasonyouwithholdunconditional love foryourself.Themost effective thingyoucando tobringaboutchangeinyourlifeistoletthisflawedideago.Oncethisfalsebeliefisreplacedwithunconditionalself-loveandself-acceptance,themythofscarcitycrumbles,andcomparisonandcompetitionwithothersendsinitswake.

Perfectionissomethingthatiscompletelyfreeofflaws.Butthethingis,wedefinewhataflawiswithouragreement.Thereisnosuchthingasaflawintheworld,justintheagreementsthatwemakeintheDreamofthePlanet,andthatisanillusion.Thus,everythinginlifeisperfect.

ComparisonandRoleModelsAschildrenweallhadrolemodels,orpeoplewelookeduptoandwantedtobelike.Inmanycasesourfirstrolemodelswereourparentsorprimarycaregivers,and that gaveway to siblings, teachers, sports figures, superheroes, and evenfriends. As we grew up, our role models often broadened to include artists,scholars,humanitarians,politicalleaders,orspiritualteachers.Inallcases,wesawqualitiesinthesepeoplethatwewantedinourselves,andoftenendeavoredto emulate them as a result. This is a wonderful way in which admirablequalitiesarepassedfromonePersonalDreamtoanother.

Andyet, likemanyother thingswehavediscussedin thisbook,somethingthatcanbeusedinapositivewaycanalsobecomeanegative.Inthiscase,youcan begin to compare yourself to your role model, and use their positiveexampleasatooltochideorwhipyourselffornotbeingmorelikethem.Youcreateconditionsonyourself-lovebasedonadesiretobelikesomeoneelse.

For instance, let's say that one of your role models isMother Teresa, thefamous Roman Catholic nun from the twentieth century who moved fromEuropetoIndiaat theageofeighteen,foundedareligiousorder,anddevotedtherestofherlifetohelpingthesickandthepoor.Therearemanyreasonstoadmire and emulate this special woman: her acts of unconditional love,tolerance, charity, and selflessness, just to name a few. However, withoutawareness, you could also begin to use her example to judge yourself asinadequate,sayingsomething like,“I'mnothelpingenoughpeople,”or“IamnotasgoodofapersonasMotherTeresa.”Theminuteyoudothis,theninsteadoflookingatthequalitiessheexhibitsasinspirational,youhavenowstartedtheunhealthyprocessofcomparingyourselftoher,andusingthatcomparisonasareasontogoagainstyourself.Inthisway,theparasitehasslippedinthebackdoorandregainedcontrolofyourmind.

Think about the absurdity of this for amoment. This is the last thing thatMother Teresa, or any other truly positive role model, would want for you.Whenyoucatchyourselfcomparingyourlifetothatofarolemodelandthenadmonishingyourselffornotbeingmorelikethem,that'syourcuethatthefoghas crept back in and clouded your vision. Instead of comparing yourself toothersanddecidingthatyouareinsufficient,useyourrolemodels'examplesasmotivation to bring the qualities you admire in them to fruition in your owneverydaylife.

In my own case, I have a good friend who is close to qualifying for the

BostonMarathon,ashecanrun26.2milesin3:30.Ilookuptohimasarunnerandasagreathumanbeing,butthemomentIbegintocomparemyselftohimand his results, I am once again domesticating myself with someone else'sachievements, and forsaking myself in the process. Instead, I celebrate hissuccess just asmuch as I celebratemy own. I ran amarathon in 5:57, and IcelebratethefactthatIfinishedit.Insteadofcomparingmytimewithhistime,I lookwithinatall Ihaveaccomplished,ofhowmuch Ienjoyeddoing it all.This allowsme to enjoymyowncraft, to enjoy theopportunity I have todosomething I love todo,and toevolvemyskillswithmypassion. Iwill learnfrommyfriend,andmanyotherrunners,andenjoyourcamaraderie.

Anothertraprelatedtorolemodelsoccurswhenyoumistakenlybelievethatasinglerolemodelorteacherhasallofyouranswers.Asituationlikethiscanoftenoccuronaspiritualpath,especiallywhenyoufirststart towakeupandemerge from the smoke and fog.Admittedly, depending on the level of yourprior domestication and attachment, itmay seem like a rolemodel or teacherdoeshaveallyouranswers,asyouarejuststartingtofindyourownway.Butastheinitialbudofyourawakeningblossoms,yousoonrealizethatinrealityyouhave all your ownanswers, and any rolemodels or teachers you engagewithareonlytheretopointyouonthewaybackhometoyourself.

Thisdoesn'tmeanthatyoudon'tseekthehelpofotherswhenthewaygetsdifficult; we all need help from time to time. But the difference is that as aMaster of Self you know that on the deepest level, everything you need isalready inside you.With a perception of abundance rather than scarcity, youallowyourselftobeinspiredbythetalentsandsuccessesofothers.

As a Master of Self, you are forging your own path, creating your ownjourneytoyourowninnerevolution.Youaregratefulforthelessonsfromyourrolemodelsandteachersandyouareinspiredbytheirexamples,butyoudon'tcompareyourself toanyof them,nordoyouwant tobe just likeanyofyourrolemodels,becauseyouarecompletelycontentwiththepersonthatyouare.

In the end, you understand that you are unique in your experience of lifebecausenooneelseknowslifefromyourperceptionbutyou.Itisliberatingtobecomeawarethatyouonlycontrolyourownwill,andthisknowledgeallowsyoutoenjoyeverythingyouexperienceanddo.TheharmonyandpeacethattheToltecwarrior felt in the opening paragraph of chapter one comeswhen yourealize that there is no need to work so hard to be someone you think youshouldbe,becauseyouarealreadyperfectlyyourself.TheIamisanexperienceoflife,notasymbolormodelthatyouhavetoattain.Inthisway,theinnerwar

isover,again,andagain,andagain.AsaMasterofSelf,peacereigns.

Thefollowingexerciseswillhelpyouputthelessonsfromthischapterintopractice.

Mudita

In the Buddhist tradition there is a concept known as mudita, orsympathetic joy, which is the practice of having joy in theaccomplishments,achievements,andgoodfortuneofothers.Thisvirtuecanbeeasytocultivatewhentheothersaremembersofyourfamilyorclosefriends,butitismoredifficultonceyoumoveoutsideyourinnercircle.

For this exercise, think of a situationwhere someone else receivedsomethingthatyouwantedforyourself.Perhapsthiswasapromotionatwork,anaward,amaterialobject,etc.Onceyouhavethesituationandpersoninmind,repeatthefollowingstatementoutloudthreetimes.

“I am grateful that _______________ received the good Iwantedformyself.”

Howdid it feel tospeak thosewordsout loud?Ifyouare likemostpeople,thiscanbeadifficultpracticetofeelsincereabout,especiallyatfirst.Butconsciouslybringingthepracticeofmuditaintoyourlifecanhelp you replace jealousy and envy with goodwill and unconditionallove.Doingsowillhelpyoutoseebeyondthemythofscarcity.Otherpeoplearenotyourcompetitors;everyonegetsexactlywhat theyneedineverymoment,andthisincludesyou.

Going forward, as you engage others in the Dream of the Planet,become aware of your internal reactions when you are in a situationwheresomeoneelsereceivessomethingyouwantedforyourself.Noticeif your feel jealousy, envy, or fear, and use that as an opportunity to

practicemudita.

RoleModels

STEP1

Thinkofthemanyrolemodelsyouhavehadinyourlifeandmakealistof all the qualities you saw and admired in these people. List thequalitiesonlyon a sheet of paper, not thenamesof thepeople.Someexamplesmight be: honesty, generosity, tolerance, skill, peacefulness,discernment,etc.Makethelistbeforeproceedingtostep2.

STEP2

Recallwhatwediscussedinchapter5aboutmirroring,wheresomeonewhogetsunderyourskinusuallypossessesaqualityyouseeinyourselfthatyoudon'tlike.Well,theoppositeisalsotrue.Lookbackatthelistofyour rolemodels'qualities.Nowwriteyournameat the topof thislist. You possess all of these qualities! Otherwise, youwouldn't havebeen able to recognize them in others.Youmay not have the skill ofyour role model in certain areas, but you have the ability and thepotentialtoforgeyourownwayifyouchoosetoworktowardthat.

STEP3

Knowing that you already possess these qualities that you admire inothers,whatqualitiesdoyouthinkotherswouldadmireinyou?Howdoyou think others perceive you? Does that match up with the list youmade,oraretheydifferent?Letyourinspirationleadyouforward.

MyWishforYou

THROUGHOUTTHISBOOK,youhavelearnedvariouswaystoidentifyandreleaseyour domestications and attachments. You've learned how doing so can helpsilence the negative self-talk that produces suffering in your PersonalDreamandreplaceitwithunconditionalself-loveandself-acceptance.WhenyoubringthisspiritofunconditionallovetoyourinteractionswithothersintheDreamofthePlanet,youseethemthroughtheeyesofcompassionandyourespecttheirchoiceseveniftheydifferfromyours.Throughthepowerofforgiveness,youareabletomovepasttheharmcausedbyothersandseethattheyweredoingthebesttheycouldatthetime.Intheseways,youaredoingyourparttocreateharmonyintheDreamofthePlanet.

Youhavealso learnedabout thepowerofmasks, theartof shape-shifting,and howyou can shift for the benefit of another as long as it doesn't violateyourpersonaltruth.Youareabletosetgoalsthatareconsistentwithwhatyoureallywant,andyouloveyourselfthroughouttheprocessofworkingtoachievethem. In the end, you know that you are already perfect and complete,morethan enough, and you will always receive exactly what you need in everymoment.Whileyouaregratefulfor thelessonsyouhavelearnedfromothers,you nowhave the confidence towalk your own path because you know thateverythingyouneedisalreadyinsideofyou.

Becauseyourecognizethesufferingthatdomesticationandattachmentcauseinyourselfandothers,younolongertrytocontrolthosearoundyouwithanger,guilt,orsadnessinordertoforcethemtobelieveoractthewayyouthinktheyshould. You respect everyone's ability to make their own decisions, whichmeans youdon't project onto themamaskofwhoyou think they should be.Becauseyouacceptyourselfforwhoyouare,youarenowabletoaccepteveryotherpersonforwhotheyare.Thisisadreamthatweareco-creating;wearelearningfromeachotherandrespectingeveryperson's individualperspective.Nooneismoreimportantthananyoneelse.Engagingfromthisplaceofmutualrespectforallbeingsmakesitthebestworldpossible.

Inthoseraremomentswhenyoudoslideandfallintoatrap,asaMasterofSelf you are able to regain your awareness and recover quickly. Rather thanmakingthingsworsebylashingout,beingdefensive,orotherwisefallingintochaosandjoiningthedramaoftheparty,younowhavethetoolstoregainyourfooting.Through the power of awareness, buoyedby unconditional self-love,youknowthatyouaredoingthebestyoucanateverymoment.Younolongerneedtodistorttheworldaroundyoutofityourperception.Youknowwhoyouare,andasaresultyoucanactandspeakwithcompleteconfidenceandwithoutapology. Thus, your word becomes impeccable. Because you are engagingotherswith awareness andunconditional love, youhave confidence that eachactionyou takewillbeperfect in themoment. Inallof theseways,youhavelearnedhowtobecomeaMasterofSelf.

ForgivenessfortheDreamofthePlanetWhen we think of an act of forgiveness, it is almost always in reference topeopleweknow,or thosewhohaveaffecteduspersonally.However, there isanothertypeofforgivenessthatisoftenoverlooked,andthatisforgivenessforthesufferingthatoccursintheDreamofthePlanet.

To understand this type of suffering, let's look more closely at the twocomponents thatmakeup theDreamof thePlanet.First, there is thephysicalworldofmatter,withitsoceans,continents,winds,andshiftingclimates,wherechange is constant with every action. This is the phenomenal realm, or theworld that can be seen and felt. Second, there is the world of humanagreements,andtheseagreementsarewhatgivemeaningtothematerialworld.Thisistheworldthatiscreatedinourmindsandisbasedonourperceptions.The world of agreements is unseen, even though what manifests from theseagreementsappearsinthephysicalworld.Whilethephysicalworldappearstomove on its own, theworld of human agreements by definition requires ourparticipation.Let'slookattwoimportanteventstoemphasizethedifference.

The first happened on December 26, 2004, when a tsunami in the IndianOceankilledthousandsofpeopleinaninstant.Itwasatragiclossoflife,butitis understood as something that happened via the movement of the earth,withoutanyhumanagreement.Whiletheoutcomeisheartbreaking,thereisnooneto“blame”foraneventlikethis.

Comparethattoanothereventthatoccurredthreeyearsearlier,onSeptember11, 2001, in the United States. This also resulted in the catastrophic loss of

humanlife,butthecausewasdramaticallydifferent,asinthatcasetheimpetuswasahumanagreement.Tragically,manypeople lost their livesbecauseonegroup felt that it needed to subjugate the world to its vision of virtue withviolence. In this type of tragedy, a sense of “blame” is placed on theperpetrators.

While it'sperfectlyunderstandable tobesaddenedandenragedovereventssuch as these, and some of you reading thismay even have been personallyaffectedbyoneorbothoftheseexamples,whenthatsadnessovertakesusweloseourperspectiveinthedream,anddebilitatinggrief,depression,and,inthelatterexample,adesireforrevengecansetin.Ineithercase,gettinglostinthesadness can triggerus to take anegative attitude toward theworld, sayingorthinkingthingslike,“thereisnousetryingtoimprovetheworld,”or“theworldisaterribleplace.”

Ifyoutakethisroute,thefoghascreptbackin,asyouarenowlivinginyourimagination, filled with fear and despair, and the Dream of the Planet hasbecome a nightmare. You are taking the events of the world personally andlettingthemdefineyouandyourthinking.Youhaveforgottenthatduringthesetragedies, many people stood up to help the victims and survivors.Communitiescametogethertohealoneanother.

While it's completely normal that both of these tragedies would evokesadness,therecomesatimewhenwemovepastthelossandchoosetoforgivethe world for these events. You do so because holding on to the negativeemotions generated by these events keeps you from evolving. That does notmeanyouforgetwhathappened;itmeansthatyoudon'twanteventsliketheseto cloud your awareness and keep you trapped in the fog, unable to see thebeautythatisallaroundyouandkeepyoufromco-creatingtheDream.

Furthermore, aMaster of Self understands that those who commit acts ofviolence(includinggangmembers,terrorists,abusers,manipulators,andothers)are actually the most domesticated and attached people in the Dream of thePlanet since theyhave lost their ability to see the humanity of another livingbeing. They are blackout drunk at the party, blinded by their belief system.They are so completely controlled by ideas that they can no longer see thehumanityoftheirbrothersandsisters.

Tobeclear, forgivenessdoesnotmeanapathy.Forgiveness in this contextmeansthatinordertocreateaharmoniousDreamofthePlanet,youunderstandthatyouareonlyresponsibleforyou.Youchoosetoletgooftheangerandhurt

inorder tobringpeace toyourPersonalDream,and in thatwayyouactuallyhelptheDreamofthePlanet,sothatonedaytragediesthatoccurasaresultofhumanviolencecanbefoundonlyinhistorybooks.

For aMaster of Self, peace comes with forgiveness, by letting go of anypoison that you're holding on to. If you let that poison drown you, then youbecomepartofthecyclethathasbroughtsufferingintothisworld.ToforgivetheDream of the Planet for the darkness is to forgive any place of darknesswithinourselves.

Evenwhen othersmake a choice to construct theDream of the Planet bycreating a nightmare, you know how to end the nightmare within yourself.Everytimeyouchoosetoforgive,youhealtheinfectedwoundthatcausesyoutocower in fearandhidebehindanger.Choosing toact fromaplaceof loveratherthanfearwillalwaysbringharmonytothepresentmoment,regardlessofwhat ishappening in thedream.Forgiveness is anactof love, so in timesofglobaldifficultyIwillsaytomyself:

I choose to forgive, I choose to engage, I choose to takeaction, Ichoose to use my voice for healing, and I choose to express thepowerofmyintentthroughunconditionallove.Iamaco-creatoroftheDreamofthePlanet,andIchoosetoend

thecycleofconditionallove.

Idothis,andIamlettingpeacebeginwithme.ThisistheMasteryofSelfinaction,andthisismywishandhopeforyou.

Acknowledgments

I WANT TO FIRST honor the people who taught me unconditional love: mymother, Maria “Coco” Ruiz; my father, don Miguel Ruiz; my Mama GayaJenkins; my grandparents, Abuelita Sarita, Abuelita Leonarda, and AbuelitoLuis; my brothers and sisters, Jose Luis, Leonardo, RK, Kimberly-Jean,Jennifer, and Jules;my children,Audrey andAlejandro; andmywife, Susan(Lovie).Iloveyouwithallofmyheart.

I want to honor and thank Randy Davila, my publisher, editor, and inkbrother. Thank you for giving me the opportunity once again to share myfamily'sToltec tradition through these books, and for helpingmyHierophantfamilycontinue tospread loveand theknowledge thatallowsus toheal fromthe wounds of conditional love. Thank you for everything Carnal, it is apleasuretoworkwithyouinthisway!Loveyou!

IwanttohonorandgivemyeternalgratitudetoKristieMacris,whohelpedmestartmyjourneyintowritingbyhelpingmewritemyfirstbookandhelpedmein thecreationof thisone.Youaremyteacherof thisbeautifulcraft,youhelpedmefindmyownvoice,andyouaremypartnerandmostbelovedfriend.Asyousay,youareabletotranslatewhatIsaybecauseyouknowmesowell.Hereistotwenty-twoyearsoffriendship,andmanymoretocome.Teamo!

I also want to honor my dearest friend and teaching sister, HeatherAshAmara. (High five!) We have come a long way since we started teachingtogetheranddreamingofonedaywritingbooksandcollaboratingtocreateourart.Hereweare!!!!=-)Let'shavesomefun!Loveyou!

MuchasgraciasaDios,contodomiAmor.

Asísea,asísehaga,yasísehara.

AbouttheAuthor

DON MIGUEL RUIZ JR. is a Nagual, a Toltec Master ofTransformation.He is a direct descendant of theToltecs of theEagleKnightlineage and the son of don Miguel Ruiz. By combining the wisdom of hisfamily's traditionswith theknowledgegained fromhisownpersonal journey,henowhelpsothersrealizetheirownpathtopersonalfreedom.HeistheauthorofTheFiveLevelsofAttachmentandLivingaLifeofAwareness.

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