the dating game script update

8/8/2019 The Dating Game Script Update

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The DatingGameSam: Laid back, not too enthusiastic. Girls come to him naturally.

Isabel: No one is ever good enough for her

Stephanie: Obsessed with guys, easy in a dating way

Jeff: Never had a girl before

Bill: More mature and superior

Bob: A jackass

George: Stuck up. Knows what he wants and get what he wants

Cathy: Crazy. Talks a lot.

Humphrey: Old but thinks he is young. Goes for young girls.

Danielle: Perky cheerleader

Michelle: Flattered

Sky: Shirtless, Conceited

Kelsey: Player, likes guys for their money

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Bob: Yes, welcome in deed

Billy: Im your host, Billy Schmoll

Bob: And Im your co-host, Bob Peck

(Both Start Pacing)

Billy: Another exciting adventure here on The Dating Game

Bob: Yes indeed. Here are four friends that are now going to

experience a series of expected and unexpected dates that are

selected and set up by us.

Billy: Yes us. And at the end of the show, they get to show us

who the lucky match was. Great fun for fellow watchers heretonight Bob.

Bob: Great fun indeed

(Scene fades in)

Billy: Wow, right on time, its Stephany

Bob: (Pretends to listen to earpiece) Match number one

has arrived, George. Lets see how it goes.

(Scene fades in as Billy & Bob exit)

(Stephanie keeps looking at her watch)

George: (As enters) Well maybe you should get one, you ass

[ad lib] (Notices Stephanie) Oh, hey, Stephanie right? Five-

Two (Pulls out a piece of paper) 155 pounds, blonde hair.

Stephanie: Uh, yeah, thats me. Uhm, you did say 9:00 right?

George: Well, about that. 9:00 didnt work for me.

Stephanie: Oh, yeah, well of course.

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4/17

George: Yeah. So this is how its gonna go. I need a date every

Friday to go party with, so then Saturday I can go back and pick

up all the jealous ladies with the typical break-up sob story. And

your gonna be that girl, got it?

Stephanie: (Drinks water and chokes) Uhm, Excuse me?!

George: Excuse you? What, did you fart or something? And

whats with this place, its like a coffee house, but I dont see a

coffee in my hand. Hey, idea, why dont you be a doll and go get

me one, hmm? (They stare at each other)

Stephanie: Of course. (Stephanie goes off stage)

(long pause) (Phone rings, George answers)

George: Go for me (Pause) No way! (Pause) She did! (Pause)

Yeah Ill be over shortly (Stephanie enters) Im almost done

with this dumb broad that doesnt even know how to make a

coffee(Stephanie gasps and pours the coffee on George)

What the hell is wrong with you?!

Stephanie: Oops, did I do that?

George: (As walks off stage) Stupid dumb- (Bill & Bob

interrupt) (lights dim to Bill & Bob)

Bill: Whoa Whoa Whoa

Bob: Whoa in deed. (Awkward silence)

Bill: Anyways.bad choice George

Bob: Attitude is not the thing to bring to a date

Bill: Right you are Bob, right you are.

(Sam enters, sits and eats)

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5/17

Bob: (Turns to Sam and waves into the dark) Hey Sam

Bill: Shh (Smacks bob) He cant see you!

Bob: Woah So Im like a ghost? (Awkward silence)

Bill: Anyways, lets see our lovely match we made for my main-

man, Sam

(Cathy enters and looks around)

Bill & Bob: Ohh (Hides heads)

Bill: (whispers) its crazy Cathy!

Bob: Crazy in deed

Bill: This shall be interesting

Bob: Shall in deed (Bill looks at bob, pauses, then leaves)

(Scene fades)

Cathy: Hey Sam!

Sam: (turns hoping she didnt see him) oh. hey Cathy

Cathy: Oh my god, fancy meeting you here. I mean I didntknow we went to the same sandwich shop. I think thats neat.

Dont you think thats neat? Whoa I sound like a geezer saying the

word, neat. Like who says the word neat anymore? Not me! But

anyways, enough of me, how are you?

Sam: (continues eating, long pause) good

Cathy: Oh thats fantastic. Im doing good myself, well actually

Im fantastic. Today is a nice day. Yesterday was a nice day too. Ithink even last year around this time was nice too. I saw a cloud

yesterday and I told that cloud, I really did, I told him, cloud, you

better not show your face around here tomorrow because I want

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6/17

tomorrow to be a nice day. And I think he actually listened to me!

That sandwich looks pretty good, what kind is it?

Sam: (continues eating, long pause) Ham

Cathy: I love ham! Piggy piggy piggy. Yum, so I heard you donthave a girlfriend anymore and I dont either. Well, I meant I dont

have a boyfriend, but I dont have a girlfriend either. We should

go out! That would be so neat! Oh, there I go again. Hey is this

our first date? I dont think you should have brought me to a

sandwich shop on our first date. You eating a turkey, no, ham

sandwhich, and Im just here (Sam gets up and leaves) - Well

thats okay, ill just wait right here for you. Saving your spot here

on this bench.

(Bill & bob enter)

Bill: He dodged that bullet

Bob: Yes- (bill interrupts)

Bill: Indeed! (Long silence)

Bob: Wow, that was rude. Why did you go and interrupt me?

Bill: Because you always say indeed! Its kind of annoying

Bob: No I dont

Bill: yes you do (bickering with eachother)

Bob: No I dont

Bill: yes you do

Bob: (back to audience) so anyways, who is next Bill?

Bill: Uhm, (looks at paper) that would be Humphrey (Bob

giggles)what Bob?

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7/17

Bob: Humphrey! Thats a funny name.

Bill: Way to be mature Bob.

Bob: I only picked him because he had a funny name.

Bill: Wow. So youre saying that out of all the great matches we

turned down, you only picked him because of his name?

Bob: Yupp

Bill: You really make me want to hit you. (while walking off)

Idiots like you ruin my anger management

(Girl at restaurant table all alone, Mr Crissey enters

dressed young)

Isabel: Oh, sorry, this seat is reserved.

Humphrey: Is your name Isabel?

Isabel: (defensively) Hey old man, how do you know my

name?

Humphrey: Im Humphrey, from that dating site.

Isabel: No your not, i'm looking for that (says sweetly)

attractive 17 year old with long hair, named Humphrey. (Says

defensively) I have peperspray!

Humphrey: No, my ad said 70. And I have amazing hair!well,

had. Girls use to line up for miles just to brush it.

Isabel: Wow. I am not going to date some old man!

Humphrey: Why not? I have seen girls date old men all the timeon those MTVs and VHS channels.

Isabel: Yeah, thats when they are rich.

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8/17

Humphrey: I am rich!

Isabel: You are?!

Humphrey: Yeah! I am so rich, (looks around and whispers)

I got my own oxygen tank at home!

Isabel: You have got to be kidding me.

Humphrey: Its true. All my friends are jealous

Isabel: Okay old man, im sure your late for bingo or something,

so im just gonna go.

Humphrey: Would you care to join me?

Isabel: Gross! (Walks out)

(Bill & Bob enter, Bob walking backwards, Bill mad at

him)

Bob: How was I supposed to know he was like a billion years

old?

Bill: Oh, I dont know, maybe READ THE PROFILE!

Bob: Lets just see your choice and hope the date goes better

than the last.

Bill: My choice is my favorite kind of people in the world

Bob: Jugglers! Oh, I love jugglers. I hope its a juggler.

Bill: No! Cheerleaders!

Bob: Oh, even better than jugglers!

Bill Yeah (Pause & walk off)

(Sam walks on, Danielle behind)

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9/17

Sam: Ohyoure still following me, huh.

Danielle: Yes sir!

Sam: Greatand what was your name again?

Danielle: My name is Danielle, you silly duck!

Sam: Riight

Danielle: All-right! (Smiles)

Sam: So. what do you do fore fun?

Danielle: I love to cheer! I love it here and there, I love it

anywhere! Do you wanna hear a cheer? I know you do, oh I know

you do.

Sam: I guess

Danielle: (cheers) Ready, okay! Im so desperate, im so

lonely. I will seriously, date(says seriously) anybody! (Smiles)

Sam: Wowthat was justwow

Danielle: Why thank you buttercup!

Sam: Okay, so are you always like this?

Danielle: Why what do you mean, honey-bunches!

Sam: Are you always this PERKY!

Danielle: Why yes I am. But you will get use to it. Yes you will,

yes you will.

Sam: Creepy

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10/17

Danielle: My parents say the same thing! Yes they do, yes they

do!

Sam: Okay (They stare at each other, she giggles) Okay,

I cant take this anymore (Gets up)

Danielle: Well that's okay. Do you by chance have any,

brothers, friends, cousins, neighbors, that may be interested in

me? They dont have to be attractive, they just (Sam exits,

Danielle runs after him) (Bill & Bob enter)

Bob: I think the juggler would have been better.

Bill: Not gonna lie, she was pretty annoying

Bob: Got that right. (pause)

Bill: So whos next? (Bill starts looking thru papers, bob

exits)- Bob Peck.NO! (Bob enters scene a few seconds

behind bill)

Bob: These flowers are for you

Michelle: Aweh, youre so sweet

Bob: Only for the sweetest. (Bill enters)

Bill: Uhm, what the hell are you doing?

Bob: Cant you see i'm on a date?

Bill: We were in the middle of a show!

Michelle: Ooh, what kind of show? (Both look at her, billgrabs bob)

Bill: Were leaving

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11/17

Bob: Why do you gotta ruin everything?

Bill: As desperate as you are, were in the middle of something

Bob: Can I bring her with me?

Bill: No!

Bob: Dang it!

Bill: Run along missy! (Shoes her, she leaves) anyways,

next we have, Isabel and- (interrupts)

Bob: and who?

Bill: I was getting to that!

Bob: Oh(pause) so who?

Bill: Its Sky! Okay, Sky.

Bob: ohokay

Bill: What, bob?

Bob: Oh nothing.I just thoughtyou would have my pick

next

Bill: Why?

Bob: Because.he looks funny.

Bill: Ill put her up next if you shut up and let us do the date?

Bob: Were going on a date?

Bill: No! The show!

Bob: Oh...

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12/17

Bill: So can we continue?

Bob: Yes sir. (They exit)

(Girl sitting down, shirtless guy enters)

Stephanie: Uhm

Sky: (Poses) hey, hows it going?

Stephanie: Pretty good? (confused)

Sky: Thats great

Stephanie: Uhh, you do know you dont have a shirt on, right?

Sky: oh, I dont believe in shirts

Stephanie: Okay.Im afraid to ask, but what why?

Sky: I just dont

Stephanie: Sure you dont. So what do you do on your free

time?

Sky: I act

Stephanie: I wasnt expecting that one..so you act?

Sky: Yes I do. Wanna see?

Stephanie: Okay

Sky: (Sweeps her off her feet) come my lady, as to which we

go along and make happily ever after. (Pauses) (Drops her)---So do you like?

Stephanie: Besides the whole dropping me part?

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13/17

Sky: Well, its not done.

Stephanie: Itswonderful

Sky: Thanks!

Stephanie: Yeah.so what else do you do for fun?

Sky: I love to work out

Stephanie: Now that I believe!

Sky: I also love to show it off(Poses)

Stephanie: So youre conceited?

Sky: No, I just love my body. I mean, dont you!?

Stephanie: Sure.

Sky: I have a great idea! Lets go back to my house and watch

me flex!

Stephanie: works for me (they exit) (Bob & bill enter)

Bob: Wow, that guy makes me want to swim with a shirt ON.

Bill: Is that a fat joke?

Bob: Yes it is. Completely.

Bill: Well, thats horrible.

Bob: Yes it is. Completely

Bill: Uhm, Kelsey?

Bob: No, bob. (gesturing himself)

Bill: I mean, the next date.

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14/17

Bob:Oh yeah, lets do it (They exit, enters Kelsey and Jeff)

Kelsey: Hello, Im Kelsey (extends arm for shake)

Jeff: Youre really pretty

Kelsey: Aw thanks. I just love your glasses

Jeff: Thanks! My mom said I look like a gentlemen in them.

Kelsey: You do! So uhh, what do you look for in a girl?

Jeff: Oh I dont know. A girlwith hair?...andUhm...you

Kelsey: Aweh thats so sweet (extends her arm, Jeff grabs)

DONT TOUCH ME! You dont touch me unless you have written

permission to do so, and I dont see a paper in your other hand.

Jeff: Uhm, Im sorry?

Kelsey: Better be(pause)

Jeff: Well, what do you look for in a guy?

Kelsey:Just a guy thats sweetand cares for meand listensto everything I have to say, and will do anything for me when I

ask and pamper me and (waiter comes up)

Waiter: Can I take your order?

Kelsey: Yes ill have a coke and the steak melt and he will have

a water with mac&cheese, do you have that in a kids menu?

Waiter: Sure (takes menu and leaves)

Kelsey: Where was I, oh, and I LOVE it when a guy pays for

me...

Jeff: Anything for you

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15/17

Kelsey: Great!

Jeff: So are you single

Kelsey: Nope!

Jeff: Oh(disappointed)

Kelsey: But you still can pay for me

Jeff: Ok (pulls out wallet and starts to pull out cash)

Kelsey:Hold me! (Falls into his arms)

Jeff: Yes maam. So what do you like to do on your free time?

Kelsey:you ask too many questions

Jeff:Okay Im sorry. So how old are-

Kelsey:Just shut up and kiss me (pulls in and kisses)

Jeff:Uhh uhh uhh (waiter walks in with the check)

Kelsey: Okay bye (leaves in a hurry) (bill and bob enters

with bottles of water)

Bill: Wow, he just got played

Bob: dont have the player, hate the dice

Bill: Uhm, Bob, its the game

Bob: What game?

Bill: The saying is, dont hate the player, hate the game

Bob: That makes way more sense

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16/17

Bob: (takes drink, pause, turns and spits on bob)You now

what?

Bill(mad, takes drink, and spits on bill and says angrily)

what!

Bob: I think its time for the last date of the evening

Bill: And whos that (looks thru the clipboard) hmm...it

doesnt say, just says youll see

Bob: Ohh, Haha, well lets just leave. I have a feeling HE is

coming. (They leave)

(Enters Isabell and sits looking around, no one is there)

(Enters a guy dressed as a girl, walks on says Ohh, then

leaves)

(Bill and bob enter)

Bill: I would kill you...if there werent witnesses, I would kill you.

Bob: It was hilarious!

Bill: No, Not to me!

Bob: Ohh, Christmas party.oh

Bill: Lets just get on with it.

Bob: On with what? The game is over.

Bill: Oh yeah, well lets see who they picked. Come on out

ladies and gentlemen.

Bob: (after applaud) well thats all we have time for, tune in

next time to see what wacky dates I will come up with for you

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17/17

Bill: Yeah, and at this time, I would like to announce my

resignation for this show.

Bob: Tune in next time!

(End)

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the dating game script update

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