Journey of gay men experiencing IPV to self-realization

Process toRESILIENCE

Terry Howard; John Oliffe; Estephanie Sta. Maria; Christina Han

UNIVERSITY OF BRITISH COLUMBIA

• IPV is not entirely a women’s health issue

• 500, 000 gay men per year are IPV victims• Manydo not seek help

• Manycannotfindhelp

• Many are challenged to find help

» As a result, reliance on their own resilience is key

IPV:Intimate Partner

Violence

Specifically exploring gay men’s resilience – how they overcome intimate partner mistreatment and violence, and positively move on with their lives.

OUR RESEARCH

To describe connections between IPV, resilience, and masculinities in the context of gay men.

DEMOGRAPHIC• 10 Vancouver-based male

participants

• Between 37and57years-old

• Self identified bisexual(n=2) orgay(n=8)

• Professional help for IPV issues

• Received help(n=7)

• Did not receive help (n=3)

• Tested HIV positive(n=4)

• All have/ have had physical & mental health concerns

FOUR CORE THEMES

1. Recurring Negativity

2. Realizing a way out

3. Bouncing back

4. Proceeding with caution

RECURRING NEGATIVITY

“I do tend to go to umm alcohol and… it makes matters

more worse if and when I do these to escape… it

doesn’t help, and when I do that, it just brings me down

more”

• Childhood experience

• Abusive experience

• Maladaptive coping mechanismsand its consequences

“It brings back bad memories about my relationship and

reminds me what I could’ve done different… and if I only did

this better, if I only did that better, if I only did this at all…”

REALIZING A WAY OUT

• Evaluating the situation “…I realized I wasn’t alone…and there were many other people in the same place as I was

in emotionally, physically, and mentally”

• Evaluating partner(s)“I’ve learned that too, you know this is the same…you go out to clubs and stuff, you

know there’s gonna be a lot of people looking around, jealous. There’s a lot of jealousy in

that gay scene as far as I’m concerned”

• Evaluating society/ gender norms“Cute guy, has a drinking problem, and almost choked me to death”

“Well I’m sure he knew that I didn’t have very high sense of self-esteem at the

time…probably it’s because I thought…I couldn’t do better than him. I just didn’t feel very

you know…the fact being HIV positive”

• Evaluating self“nobody deserves to be in an abusive relationship,…there’s always a way out of it”

“It was when I realized I deserve better than what I had before”

BOUNCING BACK

• How they left the situation“I go to Dr. Peter Centre and they do have counselors there …meet with them and have

a sit-down talk with them.. they’re very helpful and understanding”

• Current view of self“I find it that changing my life, doing these things for myself…it’s bettering myself

and… I find it that there’s a lot more to live for”

• Current view of ex-partner(s)“ forgiving myself, forgiving my partner, and trying to move on”

• Current view of society/ gender norms“I find, I feel, women have more…outlets to go…they’re taken care of more….I don’t

know why, men are, you know, weak too”

PROCEEDING WITH CAUTION

Description of future self

“I became more aware that I deserve way better than

what I experienced”“I’m more cautious now… I’m able to give advice to

others now”“That’s the exciting part.. I am just discovering a whole

new self”

“Resilience?… it’s like Teflon

…yeah nothing’s gonna stick… I

could navigate through anything and

come out the other side feeling good

about myself, my actions”

DISCUSSION

• External factors outside you

• Internal factorswithin youForgiveness, acceptance, compassion, optimism, humor, strong-willed, positive self-talk, etc…

Support groups, Exercise, Pyschotherapy, Three Bridges, Coast Mental Health, Positive Living, Dr. Peter’s Centre, BC Housing, Friends, Health Professionals, etc…

RECOMMENDATION

• Support groups exclusive for battered men

• Couples counseling for gay relationships

• Shelter for battered men

Thank you!