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A mongst all BDSM instruments, the neck collar

holds the most symbolic meanings for practitioners, especially for Dominant/

submissive couples. In a BDSM play, a sub being cuffed, tied or hung by his/

her master are only about physical matters, and all the pain and excitement

end after that play. Being collared, however, is significant for a D/s couple;

sometimes it could be a commitment ceremony within this community, with

the collar functioning as a wedding ring. But this commitment is case by

case: sometimes a sub has to beg for his/her collar by showing continuous

devotion to the Master. Also, it may go too far to compare a collar directly

to a ring because no document can support a collar’s legal rights. But

before a BDSM couple step into a D/s relationship, successive negotiations

must take place, ranging from their BDSM fantasies to their vanilla world*

. An ideal BDSM couple wish to meet mutual needs in every aspect of

life, including their careers and family members. For example, a sub might

have to give up his/her job for as long as the Master wishes. Once a sub is

collared, indicating that he/she hands over his/her power to whomever he/

she trusts wholeheartedly, this relationship may start existing 24/7 until

either side wants the deal terminated.

17 s t o r y 8 : F a r e w e l l : N e c k c o l l a r .

This relationship may appear ridiculous to some, as if the

submissive one has lost the ability to live as a mature adult. But they are

simply acting out the D/S roles; they handle their everyday life as normally

as non-fetishists do, and they pursue the same values while seeking a

relationship – love, care and loyalty. The biggest difference is that they need

an object to magnify their relationship in a fetishistic way. However, since

wearing a neck collar to the workplace may be too flamboyant, it is usually

replaced by any item that carries a symbolic connotation of power exchange.

It could, for example, be symbolized by another circular shape, such as a ring,

a bracelet or an anklet, or by permanent body decorations like piercing and

tattoos. Even a word that represents their commitment is possible because

many couples do not meet each other through the vanilla world; sometimes

the Internet is the only channel that allows them to communicate.

With the token, whichever it is, received from the Master, a sub’s

desire to be “chained” is met, and the dominant partner will then treat the

sub correctly, as a reward. And this is probably the ultimate romance that

18 s t o r y 8 : F a r e w e l l : N e c k c o l l a r .

all people, not simply fetishists, look for in their lives. Some D/s couples

eventually marry. The wife is the sub and the husband plays the dom. The

wife always serves her husband’s dinner first, and then their children; when

watching TV, the wife always sits beside her husband. In the vanilla eyes

of their neighbors and families, this couple appears to be a happy family.

Of course this circumstance could be reversed when a female takes the

dominant role. Nonetheless, with this commitment the couple is able to

prolong their relationship, which is more reliable than a marriage made in a

court.

*Vanilla world: because vanilla is the default flavour for sweets, practitioners use

this term to refer to their non-BDSM side of life.

19 s t o r y 8 : F a r e w e l l : N e c k c o l l a r .

▞ This is the last shoot for my book, and I named it “Farewell”. It was like a diary of a girl’s runaway trip

when she faced the end of a relationship. We did this project at Beachy Head, where the last scene of

Quadrophenia was shot: a scooter flying down the white cliffs means the end of Jimmy the actor’s life.

I thought this was the solution to my self-healing process because I have been searching for ways to say

goodbye to the past. . ▞ I handmade the feather neck collar for the project. While my hands were busy

doing this time-consuming work, I kept thinking about my London life last year. Pieces of memory were

scattered, I had to collect them, and they were as light as feathers. When the collar was done, somehow

I felt my duty to the person I loved was completed. ▞ The day of the shoot was sunny and the scenery

of the white cliffs was marvellous. But it was the makeup artist who alerted me, then I noticed that the

model was almost fainting because I had asked her to stand as near to the edge as possible. Finally I went

there by myself, picked up a white stone, and threw it into the deep blue ocean. I wished I could hear

it dropping but I heard only the wind…. ▞ And I want to apologise because I should not have tortured an

acrophobic person, especially as she is my friend. ▞

30 s t o r y 8 : F a r e w e l l : N e c k c o l l a r : a f t e r w o r d .

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